AgePage

National Institute on Aging

Mourning the 

Death of a Spouse

When your spouse dies, your world changes. You are in mourning—feeling grief and sorrow at the loss. You may feel numb, shocked, and fearful. You may feel guilty for being 

the one who is still alive. If your spouse 

died in a nursing home, you may wish that you had been able to care for him or her at home. At some point, you may even feel angry at your spouse for leaving you. All these feelings are normal. There are no rules about how you should feel. There is no right or wrong way to mourn.

When you grieve, you can feel 

both physical and emotional pain. People who are grieving often cry easily and can have:) trouble sleeping,) little interest in food,) problems with concentration,

If you are 

grieving, in addition to dealing with feelings of loss, you may also need to put your own life back together. This can be hard work. During this time, you may be surprised by some of your feelings, but they are a part of mourning. Some people may feel better sooner than they expect. Others may take longer. As time passes, you may still miss your spouse, but for most people the intense pain will lessen. There will be good and bad days. You will know that you are feeling better when the good days begin to outnumber the bad.

For some people, mourning 

can go on so long that it becomes unhealthy. This can be a sign of serious depression and anxiety. If your sadness stays with you and keeps you from carrying on with your day-to-day life, talk to your doctor.

What Can You Do?At the start of your grieving, you may find that taking care of details 

and keepinfamily and But there cwill have to 

Here ar

in mind:) Take ca

hard oright, esleep. Aput youple, dror smoyour morderedoctor 

) Talk to 

family you wahusbanto be wsay wh

) Join a g

Sometipeople Check groupsagencisuppor

) Try not 

right awwait fo
AgePage

National Institute on Aging

Mourning the 

Death of a Spouse

When your spouse dies, your world changes. You are in mourning—feeling grief and sorrow at the loss. You may feel numb, shocked, and fearful. You may feel guilty for being 

the one who is still alive. If your spouse 

died in a nursing home, you may wish that you had been able to care for him or her at home. At some point, you may even feel angry at your spouse for leaving you. All these feelings are normal. There are no rules about how you should feel. There is no right or wrong way to mourn.

When you grieve, you can feel 

both physical and emotional pain. People who are grieving often cry easily and can have:) trouble sleeping,) little interest in food,) problems with concentration,) a hard time making decisions.

If you are 

grieving, in addition to dealing with feelings of loss, you may also need to put your own life back together. This can be hard work. During this time, you may be surprised by some of your feelings, but they are a part of mourning. Some people may feel better sooner than they expect. Others may take longer. As time passes, you may still miss your spouse, but for most people the intense pain will lessen. There will be good and bad days. You will know that you are feeling better when the good days begin to outnumber the bad.

For some people, mourning 

can go on so long that it becomes unhealthy. This can be a sign of serious depression and anxiety. If your sadness stays with you and keeps you from carrying on with your day-to-day life, talk to your doctor.

What Can You Do?At the start of your grieving, you may find that taking care of details 

and keepinfamily and But there cwill have to 

Here ar

in mind:) Take ca

hard oright, esleep. Aput youple, dror smoyour morderedoctor 

) Talk to 

family you wahusbanto be wsay wh

) Join a g

Sometipeople Check groupsagencisuppor

) Try not 

right awwait fo
AgePage

National Institute on Aging

Mourning the 

Death of a Spouse

When your spouse dies, your world changes. You are in mourning—feeling grief and sorrow at the loss. You may feel numb, shocked, and fearful. You may feel guilty for being 

the one who is still alive. If your spouse 

died in a nursing home, you may wish that you had been able to care for him or her at home. At some point, you may even feel angry at your spouse for leaving you. All these feelings are normal. There are no rules about how you should feel. There is no right or wrong way to mourn.

When you grieve, you can feel 

both physical and emotional pain. People who are grieving often cry easily and can have:) trouble sleeping,) little interest in food,) problems with concentration,) a hard time making decisions.

If you are 

grieving, in addition to dealing with feelings of loss, you may also need to put your own life back together. This can be hard work. During this time, you may be surprised by some of your feelings, but they are a part of mourning. Some people may feel better sooner than they expect. Others may take longer. As time passes, you may still miss your spouse, but for most people the intense pain will lessen. There will be good and bad days. You will know that you are feeling better when the good days begin to outnumber the bad.

For some people, mourning 

can go on so long that it becomes unhealthy. This can be a sign of serious depression and anxiety. If your sadness stays with you and keeps you from carrying on with your day-to-day life, talk to your doctor.

What Can You Do?At the start of your grieving, you may find that taking care of details 

and keepinfamily and But there cwill have to 

Here ar

in mind:) Take ca

hard oright, esleep. Aput youple, dror smoyour morderedoctor 

) Talk to 

family you wahusbanto be wsay wh

) Join a g

Sometipeople Check groupsagencisuppor

) Try not 

right awwait fo
health care in case you are unable to make your own medical decisions. 

) Putting any joint assets 

(such as a house or car) in your name. 

) Checking on your health 

insurance as well as your current life, car, and homeowner’s insurance. 

) Signing up for Medicare 

by your 65th birthday. 

) Paying State and Federal taxes.

When you are ready, go through 

your husband’s or wife’s clothes and other personal items. It may be hard to give away these belongings. Instead of parting with everything at once, you might make three piles: one to keep, one to give away, and one “not sure.” Ask your children to help. Think about setting aside items like clothing, a watch, favorite book, or picture to give to your children or grandchildren as personal reminders of your spouse.

What About Going Out?Lillian felt lost. Widowed at age 71, she kept seeing the same couples that she and her husband, Ray, had always liked. 

But without How could sshe felt like a 

Having 

It may be sto parties athink abouIt may be edating. Soming of closemarriage b

Here ar

remember) Go slow) It’s oka

move wplanni

) Try gro

friends or go t

) With m

about iwalks o“couplyou of 

) Find an 

You mapeople same th

) Remem

can com

) Think about a part-time job.) Join a bowling league or a 

sewing group.

) Offer to watch your grandchildren or a neighbor’s child.) Consider adopting a pet.

Some widowed people lose 

interest in cooking and eating. It may help to have a noon meal at a senior center, cafeteria, or with friends. When home, some people find that turning on a radio or TV during meals helps with loneliness. For information on nutrition and cooking for one, see the General Nutrition Resource List for Seniors at www.nal.usda.gov/fnic/pubs/olderadults.htm or look 

for helpful books at your local library or bookstore. 

Is There More To Do?When you feel stronger, you may need to think about:) Writing a new will. ) Looking into a durable power 

of attorney for legal matters and a power of attorney for 
health care in case you are unable to make your own medical decisions. 

) Putting any joint assets 

(such as a house or car) in your name. 

) Checking on your health 

insurance as well as your current life, car, and homeowner’s insurance. 

) Signing up for Medicare 

by your 65th birthday. 

) Paying State and Federal taxes.

When you are ready, go through 

your husband’s or wife’s clothes and other personal items. It may be hard to give away these belongings. Instead of parting with everything at once, you might make three piles: one to keep, one to give away, and one “not sure.” Ask your children to help. Think about setting aside items like clothing, a watch, favorite book, or picture to give to your children or grandchildren as personal reminders of your spouse.

What About Going Out?Lillian felt lost. Widowed at age 71, she kept seeing the same couples that she and her husband

Ray

had always liked

But without How could sshe felt like a 

Having 

It may be sto parties athink abouIt may be edating. Soming of closemarriage b

Here ar

remember) Go slow) It’s oka

move wplanni

) Try gro

friends or go t

) With m

about iwalks o“couplyou of 

) Find an 

You mapeople same th

) Remem

can com

) Think about a part-time job.) Join a bowling league or a 

sewing group.

) Offer to watch your grandchildren or a neighbor’s child.) Consider adopting a pet.

Some widowed people lose 

interest in cooking and eating. It may help to have a noon meal at a senior center, cafeteria, or with friends. When home, some people find that turning on a radio or TV during meals helps with loneliness. For information on nutrition and cooking for one, see the General Nutrition Resource List for Seniors at www.nal.usda.gov/fnic/pubs/olderadults.htm or look 

for helpful books at your local library or bookstore. 

Is There More To Do?When you feel stronger, you may need to think about:) Writing a new will. ) Looking into a durable power 

of attorney for legal matters 

d 

f 

f
health care in case you are unable to make your own medical decisions. 

) Putting any joint assets 

(such as a house or car) in your name. 

) Checking on your health 

insurance as well as your current life, car, and homeowner’s insurance. 

) Signing up for Medicare 

by your 65th birthday. 

) Paying State and Federal taxes.

When you are ready, go through 

your husband’s or wife’s clothes and other personal items. It may be hard to give away these belongings. Instead of parting with everything at once, you might make three piles: one to keep, one to give away, and one “not sure.” Ask your children to help. Think about setting aside items like clothing, a watch, favorite book, or picture to give to your children or grandchildren as personal reminders of your spouse.

What About Going Out?Lillian felt lost. Widowed at age 71, she kept seeing the same couples that she and her husband, Ray, had always liked. 

But without How could sshe felt like a 

Having 

It may be sto parties athink abouIt may be edating. Soming of closemarriage b

Here ar

remember) Go slow) It’s oka

move wplanni

) Try gro

friends or go t

) With m

about iwalks o“couplyou of 

) Find an 

You mapeople same th

) Remem

can com

) Think about a part-time job.) Join a bowling league or a 

sewing group.

) Offer to watch your grandchildren or a neighbor’s child.) Consider adopting a pet.

Some widowed people lose 

interest in cooking and eating. It may help to have a noon meal at a senior center, cafeteria, or with friends. When home, some people find that turning on a radio or TV during meals helps with loneliness. For information on nutrition and cooking for one, see the General Nutrition Resource List for Seniors at www.nal.usda.gov/fnic/pubs/olderadults.htm or look 

for helpful books at your local library or bookstore. 

Is There More To Do?When you feel stronger, you may need to think about:) Writing a new will. ) Looking into a durable power 

of attorney for legal matters and a power of attorney for