NET CETERA

Chatting with Kids About Being Online
Communicating online is a way of life, yet it comes with 

certain risks: 

•	 Inappropriate conduct

The online world can feel anonymous. Kids 

sometimes forget that they’re still accountable for 

their actions. 

•	 Inappropriate contact

Some people online have bad intentions. They might 

be bullies, predators, hackers, or scammers. 

•	 Inappropriate content

You may be concerned that your kids could find 

pornography, violence, or hate speech online. 

Technology is constantly evolving. So are the risks 

associated with it. You can reduce these risks by talking 

to your kids about how they communicate — online and 

off — and encouraging them to think critically and act in a 

way they can be proud of.

Talking to Your Kids . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .2

Communicating at Different Ages . . . . . . . . . . . 4

Socializing Online . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .8

Using Mobile Devices . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12

Making Computer Security a Habit . . . . . . . . . 18

Protecting Your Child’s Privacy . . . . . . . . . . . . 23

This guide from the Federal Trade Commission 

covers issues to raise with kids about living their 

lives online.

connecting with 

friends and family 

online

sharing photos 

and videos from 

mobile devices

building online 

profiles and 

reputations

sharing what they’re 

doing — and where 

they are 

downloading apps 

and accessing content

People of all 

ages are:
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⊲ Talking to Your Kids

The best way to protect your kids online? Talk to them. 

While kids value the opinions of their peers, most tend 

to rely on their parents for help on the issues that 

matter most. 

Start early.

Young kids see their parents using all kinds of devices — 

and also might be playing games or watching shows on 

them. As soon as your child starts using a phone, mobile 

device, or computer, it’s time to talk to them about online 

behavior and safety. 

Initiate conversations.

Even if your kids are comfortable approaching you, don’t 

wait for them to start the conversation. Use everyday 

opportunities to talk to your kids about being online. 

For example, news stories 

about cyberbullying or texting 

while driving can spur a 

conversation with kids about 

their experiences and your 

expectations.

Communicate your expectations.

Be honest about your expectations and how they apply 

in an online context. Communicating your values clearly 

can help your kids make smarter and more thoughtful 

decisions when they face tricky situations. For instance, be 

specific about what’s off-limits — and what you consider to 

be unacceptable behavior. 

Be patient and supportive.

Resist the urge to rush through these conversations with 

your kids. Most kids need to hear information repeated, 

in small doses, for it to sink in. If you keep talking with 

your kids, your patience and persistence will pay off in the 

long run. 

Work hard to keep the lines of communication open, even 

if you learn your kid has done something online that you 

find inappropriate. 

Listening and taking their feelings into account helps keep 

conversations afloat. You may not have all the answers, 

and being honest about that can go a long way.
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⊲ Communicating at

Different Ages

Young Kids

Supervision is important.

When very young children start using mobile devices or a 

computer, they should be supervised closely by a parent 

or caregiver. If little kids aren’t supervised online, they may 

stumble onto content that could scare or confuse them. 

When you’re comfortable that your young children are 

ready to explore on their own, it’s still important to stay 

in close touch. You may want to restrict access to sites or 

apps that you’ve visited and know to be appropriate — at 

least in terms of their educational or entertainment value.

Consider parental controls. 

If you’re concerned about what your 

kids see online, consider tools with 

these features: 

⊲ Filtering and blocking. These tools limit access to 

certain sites, words, or images. Some products decide 

what’s filtered; others leave that to parents. Some filters 

apply to websites; others to email and chat. 

⊲ Blocking outgoing content. This software prevents kids 

from sharing personal information online or via email. 

⊲ Limiting time. This software allows you to limit your kid’s 

time online and set the time of day they can access the 

internet. 

⊲ Browsers for kids. These browsers filter words or 

images you don’t want your kids to see. 

⊲ Kid-oriented search engines. These perform limited 

searches or filter search results for sites and material 

appropriate for kids. 

⊲ Monitoring tools. Software that alerts parents to online 

activity without blocking access. Some tools record the 

addresses of websites a child has visited; others provide 

a warning message when a kid visits certain sites. 

Monitoring tools can be used with or without a kid’s 

knowledge.
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Tweens 

Tweens need to feel “independent” but not alone as they 

start exploring on their own. Many 8- to 12-year-olds are 

adept at finding information online, but they still need 

guidance to help them understand which sources are 

trustworthy.

Think about limits.

Consider setting limits on how long and 

how often they can be online — whether 

on computers, phones, or other mobile 

devices. For younger tweens, parental controls can be 

effective. However, many middle school kids have the 

technical know-how to get around those controls. 

Teens 

Teens are forming their own values and beginning to 

take on the values of their peers. Many are eager to 

experience more independence from their parents. 

However, they need to learn how to exercise judgment 

about being safe online and act in accordance with their 

family ethic.

Teens have more internet access through mobile devices 

— as well as more time to themselves — so it isn’t realistic 

for you to try to be in the same room when they’re online. 

They need to know that you and other family members 

can ask them about what they’re doing online. 

What Can You Do?

Talk about credibility.

It’s important to emphasize the concept of credibility. Even 

the most tech-savvy kids need to understand that:

•	 not everything they see on the internet is true

•	 people online may not be who they 

appear to be or say they are

•	 information or images they share can 

be seen far and wide

•	 once something is posted online, it’s 

nearly impossible to “take it back”

Talk about manners.

Because they don’t see facial expressions, body language, 

and other visual cues, teens and tweens may feel free to 

do or say things online that they wouldn’t offline. Remind 

them that real people with real feelings are behind profiles, 

screen names, and avatars. 

Talk about expectations.

When you talk to your kids, set reasonable expectations. 

Anticipate how you will react if you find out that they’ve 

done something online you don’t approve of. 

If your child confides in you about something scary or 

inappropriate they’ve encountered online, try to work 

together to prevent it from happening again.
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⊲ Socializing Online

Kids share pictures, videos, thoughts, plans, and their 

whereabouts with friends, family, and sometimes, the world 

at large. Socializing online can help kids connect with 

others, but it’s important to help your child learn how to 

navigate these spaces safely. 

Oversharing

Some pitfalls that come with online 

socializing are sharing too much information, 

or posting pictures, videos, or words that can damage a 

reputation or hurt someone’s feelings. Applying real-world 

judgment and sense can help minimize those downsides. 

What can you do? 

Remind your kids that online actions have 

consequences.

The words kids write and the images they post have 

consequences offline. 

⊲ Kids should post only what they’re comfortable with 

others seeing. Parts of your children’s profiles may be 

seen by a broader audience than you — or they — are 

comfortable with, even if they use privacy settings. 

Encourage your kids to think about the language they 

use online, and to think before posting pictures and 

videos, or altering photos posted by someone else. 

Employers, college admissions officers, coaches, 

teachers, and the police may view these posts. 

⊲ Remind kids that once they post it, they can’t take it 

back. Even if they delete the information from a site, 

they have little control over older versions that may 

be saved on other people’s devices and may circulate 

online. And a message that’s supposed to disappear 

from a friend’s phone? There’s software that lets them 

keep it.

Tell kids to limit what they share.

⊲ Help your kids understand what information should 

stay private. Tell them why it’s important to keep some 

things — about themselves, family members, and friends 

— to themselves. Information like their Social Security 

number, street address, phone number, and family 

financial information is private and should stay that way. 

⊲ Talk to your teens about avoiding sex talk online. 

Teens who don’t talk about sex with strangers online 

are less likely to come in contact with predators. In 

fact, researchers have found that predators usually 

don’t pose as children or teens, and most teens who 

are contacted by adults they don’t know find it creepy. 

Teens should not hesitate to ignore or block them, and 

trust their gut when something feels wrong. 

⊲ Send group messages with care. Suggest that your 

kids think about who needs to see their message before 

sending to multiple people.

Limit access to your kids’ profiles.

⊲ Use privacy settings. Many social networking sites, 

chat, and video accounts have adjustable privacy 

settings, so you and your kids can restrict who has 

access to kids’ profiles. Talk to your kids about the 
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importance of these settings, and your expectations for 

who should be allowed to view their profile. 

⊲ Review your child’s friends list. Suggest that your kids 

limit online “friends” to people they actually know. Ask 

about who they’re talking to online. 

Cyberbullying

Cyberbullying is bullying or harassment that happens 

online. It can happen in an email, a text message, an 

online game, or on a social networking site. It might 

involve rumors or images posted on someone’s profile or 

circulated for others to see.

What can you do?

Help prevent cyberbullying.

⊲ Talk to your kids about bullying. Tell your kids that they 

can’t hide behind the words they type and the images 

they post or send. Bullying is a lose-lose situation: 

Hurtful messages make the target feel bad, and they 

make the sender look bad. Often they can bring scorn 

from peers and punishment from authorities. 

⊲ Tell your kids to talk to you about bullying, too. Ask 

your kids to let you know if an online message or image 

makes them feel threatened or hurt.

⊲ Recognize the signs of a 

cyberbully. Cyberbullying often 

involves mean-spirited comments. 

Check out your kid’s social 

networking pages from time to 

time to see what you find. 

Could your kid be the bully? Look for signs of bullying 

behavior, such as creating mean images of another kid. 

⊲ Help stop cyberbullying. Most kids don’t bully, and 

there’s no reason for anyone to put up with it. If your 

kids see cyberbullying happening to someone else, 

encourage them to try to stop it by telling the bully to 

stop, and by not engaging or forwarding anything. One 

way to help stop bullying online is to report it to the site 

or network where you see it.

What to do about a cyberbully.

⊲ Don’t react to the bully. If your child is targeted by a 

cyberbully, keep a cool head. Remind your child that 

most people realize bullying is wrong. Tell your child not 

to respond in kind. Instead, encourage your kid to work 

with you to save the evidence and talk to you about 

it. If the bullying persists, share the record with school 

officials or local law enforcement.

⊲ Protect your child’s profile. If your child finds a profile 

that was created or altered without their permission, 

contact the site to have it taken down. 

⊲ Block or delete the bully. Delete the bully from 

friends lists or block their user name, email 

address, and phone number. 
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⊲ Using Mobile Devices

What age is appropriate for a kid to have a phone or a 

mobile device? That’s something for you and your family to 

decide. Consider your kid’s age, personality, maturity, and 

your family’s circumstances. 

What Can You Do?

Phones, Features, and Options

Decide on the right options and features.

Your wireless company and mobile phone should give you 

some choices for privacy settings and child safety controls. 

Most carriers allow parents to turn off features like web 

access, texting, or downloading. 

Some cell phones are made especially for children. They’re 

designed to be easy to use, and have features like limited 

internet access, minute management, number privacy, and 

emergency buttons.

Get smart about smartphones.

Many phones offer web access and 

mobile apps. If your children are 

going to use a phone and you’re 

concerned about what they might 

find online, choose a phone with 

limited internet access or turn on 

web filtering.

Get familiar with location-based services. 

Many mobile phones have GPS technology installed. 

Kids with these phones can pinpoint where their 

friends are — and be pinpointed by their friends. Tell 

your kids to limit these features so they’re not broadcasting 

their location to the world. Explain that there can be 

downsides to letting anyone and everyone know where 

they are. In addition, some carriers offer GPS services that 

let parents map their kid’s location.

Password-protect phones.

A password, numeric code, gesture, or fingerprint can lock 

a phone from intruders. Not only can this prevent “pocketdialing,” but it also can help keep information and photos 

from falling into the wrong hands.

Develop Rules

Explain what you expect.

Talk to your kids about when and where it’s appropriate to 

use their phones and other mobile devices. You also may 

want to establish rules for responsible use. Do you allow 

calls, texting, or playing games on apps at the dinner table? 

Do you have rules about cell phone use at night? Should 

they give you their phones while they’re doing homework, 

or when they’re supposed to be sleeping? 

Set an example. 

It’s illegal to drive while texting or talking on the phone 

without a hands-free device in most states, but it’s 

dangerous everywhere. Set an example for your kids, 

and talk to them about the dangers and consequences of 

distracted driving.
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Mobile Sharing and Networking

Socializing and sharing on-the-go can foster creativity 

and fun, but could cause problems related to personal 

reputation and safety.

Use care when sharing photos and videos. 

Most mobile phones have camera 

and video capability, making it easy 

for teens to capture and share every 

moment. Encourage kids to get 

permission from the photographer or 

the person in the shot before posting 

videos or photos. It’s easier to be smart 

upfront about what media they share 

than to do damage control later.

Use good judgment with social networking from a 

mobile device. 

The filters you’ve installed on your home computer 

won’t limit what kids can do on a mobile device. Talk to 

your teens about using good sense when they’re social 

networking from their phones, too. 

Mobile Apps

What should I know about apps?

Apps might:

•	 collect and share personal information

•	 let your kids spend real money — even if the app is free

•	 include ads

•	 link to social media

But the apps might not tell you they’re doing it. 

What Can You Do?

Here’s what you and your kids can do to learn about an 

app before you download it:

⊲ look at screen shots

⊲ read the description, content rating, 

and user reviews

⊲ do some research on the developer, 

including outside reviews from 

sources you respect

⊲ check what information the app collects
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Can I restrict how my kids use apps?

Before you pass the phone or tablet to your kids, take a 

look at the settings. You may be able to:

⊲ restrict content to what’s right for your kid’s age

⊲ set a password so apps can’t be downloaded without it, 

and kids can’t buy stuff without it

⊲ turn off Wi-Fi and data services or put the phone in 

airplane mode so it can’t connect to the internet

The best way to keep up with kids’ apps is to try them out 

yourself, and talk to your kids about your rules for buying 

and using apps.

Texting 

Encourage manners.

If your kids are texting, encourage them 

to respect others. Texting shorthand can 

lead to misunderstandings. Tell them to 

think about how a text message might be 

read and understood before they send it. 

Safeguard privacy.

Remind your kids to:

⊲ ignore texts from people they don’t know

⊲ learn how to block numbers from their cell phone

⊲ avoid posting their cell phone number online

⊲ never provide personal or financial information in 

response to a text

Recognize text message spam.

Help your kids recognize text message spam and explain 

the consequences:

•	 it often uses the promise of free gifts — or asks you 

to verify account information — to get you to reveal 

personal information 

•	 it can lead to unwanted charges on your cell phone bill

•	 it can slow cell phone performance

What can you do? 

Review your cell phone bill for unauthorized charges, and 

report them to your carrier. Tell your kids:

⊲ to delete messages that ask for personal information

— even if there’s a promise of a free gift. Legitimate 

companies don’t ask for information like account 

numbers or passwords by email or text.

⊲ not to reply to — or click on — links in the message.

Links can install malware and take you to spoof sites 

that look real, but that exist to steal your information.

Sexting

Sending or forwarding sexually explicit photos, videos, or 

messages from a mobile device is known as “sexting.” Tell 

your kids not to do it. In addition to risking their reputation 

and their friendships, they could be breaking the law if they 

create, forward, or even save this kind of message. Teens 

may be less likely to make a bad choice if they know the 

consequences.
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Teaching Kids Computer Security

Talk to your kids about how they can help protect their 

devices and your family’s personal information.

Create strong passwords, and keep them private. 

The longer the password, the harder it is to crack. Date 

of birth, login name, or common words are not safe 

passwords. Ask your kids to be creative and come up with 

different passwords for different accounts. 

It may be tempting to re-use the same password, but if it’s 

stolen, hackers can use it to access other accounts. Kids 

also can protect their passwords by not sharing them with 

anyone, including their friends. 

Don’t provide personal or financial information 

unless the website is secure. 

If you or your kids send messages, share photos, use 

social networks, or bank online, you’re sending personal 

information over the internet. Teach your kids: if the 

URL doesn’t start with https, don’t enter any personal 

information. That “s” stands for secure. It means the 

information you’re sending is encrypted and protected.

Watch out for “free” stuff. 

Free games, apps, music, and other downloads can hide 

malware. Don’t download anything unless you trust the 

source. Teach your kids how to recognize reputable 

sources.

⊲ Making Computer

Security a Habit

The security of your computer, phone, and other mobile 

devices can affect the safety of your online experience 

— and that of your kids. Malware could allow someone 

to steal your family’s personal or financial information. 

Malware is software that can:

•	 install viruses

•	 monitor or control your computer use

•	 send unwanted pop-up ads

•	 redirect your device to websites you’re not looking for

•	 record your keystrokes

What Can You Do? 

⊲ Use security software and keep it updated. 

Well-known companies offer plenty of free options. 

Set the software to update automatically. 

⊲ Keep your operating system and web browser 

up-to-date. Hackers take advantage of software that 

doesn’t have the latest security updates. You also can 

customize the built-in security and privacy settings in 

your operating system or browser. Check the Tools or 

Options menus to explore your choices. While you’re at 

it, keep your apps updated, too.
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Be cautious about P2P file-sharing.

Some kids share music, 

games, or software online. 

Peer-to-peer (P2P) file-sharing 

allows people to share these 

kinds of files through an 

informal network of computers 

running the same software. 

Sometimes spyware, malware, or pornography can be 

hidden in a shared file. If your kids download copyrighted 

material, you could be subject to legal action. It’s important 

to talk to your kids about the security and other risks 

involved with file-sharing.

⊲ Install file-sharing software properly. Check the default 

settings so that nothing private is shared. By default, 

almost all P2P file-sharing applications will share files in 

your “Downloads” or “Shared” folders.

If you save personal files in shared folders, other P2P 

users may access files you don’t mean to share — 

including private documents like your tax returns or 

other financial documents. 

⊲ Use security software to scan files. Before your kids 

open or play any downloaded file, use security software 

to scan it. Make sure the security software is up-to-date 

and running.

Using Public Wi-Fi Securely

Many public places — like coffee shops, libraries, and 

airports — offer Wi-Fi hotspots. These hotspots can be 

convenient, but they’re often not secure. That could make 

it easy for someone else to access your family’s online 

accounts or steal your personal information — including 

private documents, photos, and passwords. 

What Can You Do?

Use secure Wi-Fi networks.

Secure networks use encryption, which protects the 

information you send online by scrambling it so others 

can’t access it. You can be sure that a 

network is secure only if you’re asked to 

provide a WPA or WPA2 password. 

Tell your kids if they’re not asked for a password, they 

shouldn’t use that network to sign in to accounts or send 

any personal information. And don’t assume that a Wi-Fi 

hotspot uses encryption: most of them don’t.

Use secure websites.

A secure site will encrypt your information while you are 

signed in to it — even if the network doesn’t. How will your 

kids know if a site is secure? Tell them to look for https in 

the web address of every page they visit — not just when 

they log in. The “s” stands for secure. 

Don’t stay permanently signed in to accounts. 

Recommend that your kids log out when they’ve finished 

using a site. 
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Phishing Scams

Phishing is when scam artists send texts, emails, or popup messages to get people to share their personal and 

financial information. Scammers use this information to 

access your accounts, steal your identity, and commit fraud. 

What Can You Do?

Here’s how you and your kids can avoid getting tricked by 

scam artists.

⊲ Don’t reply to texts, emails, or pop-up messages that 

ask for personal or financial information, and don’t 

click on any links in the message.

⊲ Be cautious about opening any attachments or 

downloading any files from emails you receive, 

regardless of who sent them. Unexpected files may 

contain viruses that your friends or family members 

didn’t know were there. 

⊲ Get your kids involved, so they can develop their 

scam “antennas” and careful internet habits. Look for 

teachable moments — if you get a phishing message, 

show it to your kids to help them understand that things 

aren’t always what they seem. 

How to report phishing scams.

Forward phishing emails to spam@uce.gov. They will be 

added to a database that law enforcement agencies use to 

pursue investigations. If you or your kids were tricked by a 

phishing scam, file a complaint at ftc.gov/complaint. 

⊲ Protecting Your

Child’s Privacy

As a parent, you have control over the personal 

information companies collect online from your kids under 

13. The Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA) 

gives you tools to do that. 

The Federal Trade Commission enforces the COPPA Rule. 

If a site or service is covered by COPPA, it has to get your 

consent before collecting personal information from your 

child and it has to honor your choices about how that 

information is used. 

What is COPPA?

The COPPA Rule was put in place to protect kids’ personal 

information on websites and online services — including 

apps — that are directed to 

children under 13. The Rule also 

applies to a general audience site 

that knows it’s collecting personal 

information from kids that age. 

COPPA requires those sites and services to notify parents 

directly and get their approval before they collect, use, or 

disclose a child’s personal information. 
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Personal information in the world of COPPA includes 

a kid’s:

•	 name

•	 address

•	 photos, videos, and audio recordings of the child

•	 persistent identifiers, like IP addresses, that can be used 

to track a child’s activities over time and across different 

websites and online services

How Does COPPA Work?

Let’s say your child wants to use features on a site or 

download an app that collects their personal information. 

Before they can, you should get a plain language notice 

about what information the site will collect, how it will use 

it, and how you can provide your consent. 

The notice should link to a privacy policy that’s easy to 

understand. The privacy policy must give details about 

the kind of information the site collects, and what it 

might do with the information — say, if it plans to use the 

information to target advertising to a child, or give or sell 

the information to other companies. In addition, the policy 

should tell you how to contact someone who can answer 

your questions.

Sites and services have some flexibility in how they 

get your consent. For example, some may ask 

you to send back a permission slip. 

Others may have a toll-free number you can call. If you 

agree to let the site or service collect personal information 

from your child, it has a legal obligation to keep it secure. 

What Are Your Choices?

⊲ Understand the site’s information practices. Start by 

reading how the company plans to use your child’s 

information. 

⊲ Be picky with your permission. Decide how much 

consent you want to give. For example, you might give 

the company permission to collect your child’s personal 

information, but not allow it to share that information 

with others. 

⊲ Know your rights. Once you give a site or service 

permission to collect personal information from your 

child, you’re still in control. As the parent, you have the 

right to review the information collected about your 

child. If you ask to see the information, keep in mind that 

website operators need to make sure you are the parent 

before providing you access. You also have the right to 

retract your consent any time, and to have information 

collected about your child deleted.

What if it looks like a site or service is breaking 

the rules? 

If you think a site has collected information from your kids 

or marketed to them in a way that violates the law, report it 

to the FTC at ftc.gov/complaint.

•	 phone number or email address

•	 physical whereabouts
To get free copies of this brochure

 and related materials, visit 

OnGuardOnline.gov/netcetera

January 2014