Table of Contents

Introduction.......................................................................1

Communication ................................................................2

Encouragement.................................................................4

Negotiation........................................................................6

Setting Limits ....................................................................8

Supervision .....................................................................10

Knowing Your Child’s Friends ........................................12

FAMILY CHECKUP – Positive Parenting Prevents Drug Abuse | 1

Introduction

Could your kids be at risk for substance abuse?

Families strive to find the best ways to raise their children 

to live happy, healthy, and productive lives. Parents are often 

concerned about whether their children will start or are already 

using drugs such as tobacco, alcohol, marijuana, and others, 

including the abuse of prescription drugs. Research supported 

by the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) has shown the 

important role that parents play in preventing their children 

from starting to use drugs.

This publication presents evidence-based information 

developed by the Child and Family Center at the University 

of Oregon. It highlights parenting skills that are important in 

preventing the initiation and progression of drug use among 

youth. This publication also provides access to video clips 

that can help you practice positive parenting skills.

Families strive to find the 

best ways to raise their 

children to live happy, healthy, 

and productive lives.
2 | FAMILY CHECKUP – Positive Parenting Prevents Drug Abuse 

Communication

Good communication between parents and children is the 

foundation of strong family relationships. Developing good 

communication skills helps parents catch problems early, 

support positive behavior, and stay aware of what is 

happening in their children’s lives.

Before you begin: 

• Be sure it’s a good time to talk and you can focus one 

hundred percent on communicating with your child. 

• Have a plan. 

• Gather your thoughts before you approach your child. 

• Be calm and patient. 

• Limit distractions. 

Key communication skills include:

Questioning—The kind of information you receive depends 

a lot on how you ask the question. 

• Show interest/concern. Don’t 

blame/accuse. For example, 

instead of, “How do you get 

yourself into these situations?”

say, “That sounds like a difficult 

situation. Were you confused?” 

• Encourage problem-solving/

thinking. For example: Instead 

of, “What did you think was 

going to happen when you 

don’t think?” say, “So, what 

do you think would have been 

a better way to handle that?” 

Listening and observing—Youth feel more comfortable bringing 

issues and situations to their parents when they know they will 

be listened to and not be accused. 

EXTRA TIPS 

Be present and tuned in. 

Show understanding. 

Listen with respect. 

Be interested. 

Avoid negative emotions. 

Give encouragement.
FAMILY CHECKUP – Positive Parenting Prevents Drug Abuse | 3

Reducing Emotion 

Sometimes talking with children brings up strong feelings that 

interfere with clear thinking. Following the CALM steps can help 

a parent keep the conversation moving in the right direction.

Videos

For videos that show examples of good communication, visit 

www.drugabuse.gov/family-checkup/question-1-communication.

C Control your thoughts 

and your actions. 

A Assess and decide 

if you are too upset 

to continue. 

L Leave the situation 

if you are feeling

too angry or upset.

M Make a plan to deal 

with the situation

within 24 hours.

Jupiterimages/Getty Images
4 | FAMILY CHECKUP – Positive Parenting Prevents Drug Abuse 

Encouragement

Encouragement is key to building confidence and a strong 

sense of self and helps parents to promote cooperation 

and reduce conflict. Many successful people remember 

the encouragement of a parent, teacher, or other adult. 

Consistent encouragement helps youth feel good about 

themselves and gives them confidence to:

• try new activities 

• tackle difficult tasks 

• develop new friendships

• explore their creativity

Encouragement promotes a strong sense of self because 

it sends three main messages to your child: 

You can do it! Youth believe they can do things if parents:

• help them break a problem down into smaller parts 

• remind them of their strengths and past successes 

• encourage them by sharing how they have dealt 

with challenges 

You have good ideas!Youth believe they have good 

ideas if parents:

• ask them to share their opinions and feelings 

• listen to what they have to say 

• ask them for input concerning family plans and events 

• ask them for ideas to solve family problems 

You are important! Youth know they are important if parents:

• remember what they have told them

• make time for them each day 

• attend school and extracurricular activities 
FAMILY CHECKUP – Positive Parenting Prevents Drug Abuse | 5

Examples of Encouraging Words

“I know that wasn’t easy.” 

“You did such an 

 awesome job!” 

“Keep on trying.” 

“You are very good at that.” 

“You are learning a lot.”

“I like the way you did that.”

“I can tell you’ve 

been practicing.”

“It’s great to see you 

 working so hard!” 

“I’m so proud of you.”

• let them know that they are thinking about them 

when they can’t be with them 

• display things they have made and recognitions 

they receive from school or the community

Practices That are Discouraging 

• Being sarcastic or negative about a child’s ability 

to be successful 

• Comparing a child to brothers and sisters 

• Taking over when a child’s progress is slow 

• Reminding a child of past failures 

Videos

For videos that show examples of encouragement, visit 

www.drugabuse.gov/family-checkup/question-2-encouragement.
6 | FAMILY CHECKUP – Positive Parenting Prevents Drug Abuse 

Negotiation

Negotiating solutions offers parents a way to work together 

to solve problems, make changes, promote and improve 

cooperation, and teach youth how to: 

• focus on solutions rather than problems

• think through possible outcomes of behavior

• develop communication skills 

Set Up for Success 

When: Select an unemotional or regularly scheduled time 

(not in the middle of a problem). 

Where: Choose a neutral place with few distractions. 

How: 

• Choose problems that are small and specific! 

• State the problem neutrally. 

• Recognize the other person’s positive behavior. 

• Accept part of the responsibility for the problem. 

• Restate what you hear, show understanding, 

and stop if you get too upset.

The Steps to Problem-Solving

Brainstorm—Open your mind to all ideas:

• Try to come up with three ideas each. 

• Any idea is good—even ones that seem silly. 

• Take turns coming up with ideas. 

Evaluate your list of ideas: 

• Go through and list the pluses and minuses of each idea. 

Choose a solution: 

• Combine ideas if needed. 

• All of you should agree on the chosen solution. 
FAMILY CHECKUP – Positive Parenting Prevents Drug Abuse | 7

Problem-Solving Traps 

Don’t try to solve hot issues. 

Don’t blame the other person 

or put the other person down. 

Don’t defend yourself—

try to let it go. 

Don’t make assumptions about 

another person’s intentions. 

Don’t bring up the past—

avoid using words such as 

“always” and “never.” 

Don’t lecture—a simple 

statement will get your 

point across better.

Follow Up 

• Check in with each other after you have tried your solution 

a couple of times to see how it is working. 

• If it isn’t working, go back to your list of ideas. 

• If necessary, start over with some more brainstorming.

Videos

For videos that show examples of negotiating solutions, visit 

www.drugabuse.gov/family-checkup/question-3-negotiation. 

Thinkstock Images/Getty Images
8 | FAMILY CHECKUP – Positive Parenting Prevents Drug Abuse 

Setting Limits

Extra Tips 

State the limit and 

the consequence clearly. 

Catch the problem early. 

Avoid arguments 

and threats. 

Remember to use 

a firm and calm tone 

of voice. 

Follow through each 

time a limit is stretched 

or a rule is broken. 

Offer encouragement 

each time a rule is followed.

Setting limits helps 

parents teach self-control 

and responsibility.

Setting limits helps parents teach self-control and responsibility, 

show caring, and provide safe boundaries. It also provides youth 

with guidelines and teaches them the importance of following 

rules. This is a two-step process:

Step 1: Setting Rules

• Make clear simple, 

specific rules. 

• Make sure your child 

understands your rules. 

• Have a list of consequences. 

• Be ready to follow through.

Step 2: Following Up 

Research shows that parents 

are most effective in setting 

limits when they follow up 

right away. Youth are more 

likely to follow rules if they 

know parents are checking up 

on them and will enforce the 

consequences consistently.

• Give a consequence

when rules are broken.

• Offer encouragement

when rules are followed.
FAMILY CHECKUP – Positive Parenting Prevents Drug Abuse | 9

Testing limits is a natural part of growing up, but it presents 

a special challenge for parents. Often our first reactions 

may come from fear for our child’s safety, or anger at being 

disobeyed. The SANE guidelines can help parents establish 

appropriate consequences when youth break rules.

Youth may get angry, act out, or become isolated when parents 

enforce consequences. Your child is testing you and your limits. 

Don’t react. Be consistent with your rules.

Videos

For videos that show examples of setting limits, visit 

www.drugabuse.gov/family-checkup/question-4-setting-limits.

S Small consequences 

are better

A Avoid consequences 

that punish you

N Nonabusive responses

E Effective consequences (are 

under your control and nonrewarding to your child)

Alon Brik/Shutterstock
10 | FAMILY CHECKUP – Positive Parenting Prevents Drug Abuse 

Supervision

Supervision is the centerpiece of effective parenting during 

childhood. When youth begin to spend more and more time 

away from home, monitoring their behavior and whereabouts 

is challenging. Supervision helps parents recognize developing 

problems, promote safety, and stay involved.

The 4 Cs of supervision can help you with this difficult task: 

Clear Rules—Have a few non-negotiable rules about your child’s 

behavior and state them clearly! For example: 

• “Give me a phone number for any place you will be.” 

• “I need 24-hour notice for spending the night or going to 

a party, dance, or other special event.” (This gives you time 

to check out the event.) 

• “No friends at the house when I am not at home.” 

Communication—Regular communication with other parents 

and teachers: 

• keeps you involved in your child’s activities 

• creates resources to deal with problems and builds 

a strong safety network for your child 

• informs you of dangerous places or people 

Checking Up—This lets your child know that you care about his or 

her safety and that your rules are important. This is hard for some 

of us because we want to trust our children and they may resist 

our efforts. 

• When your child gives you the phone number of a friend, 

call it and talk to the parent. 

• Meet all the parents of your child’s friends to make sure 

new situations are safe and supervised. 

• Find out about the parties and special events your child 

wants to attend to make sure that responsible adults will 

be supervising.
FAMILY CHECKUP – Positive Parenting Prevents Drug Abuse | 11

Extra Tips 

Stay involved. 

Spend time listening 

to your child. 

Know who your child’s 

friends are and watch 

your child interact with 

them and others. 

Talk to the parent(s) 

of your child’s friends.

Consistency—Supervision is most effective when parents 

set clear limits and follow through with consequences for 

misbehavior. Also, be consistent with giving praise and 

incentives when a rule is followed.

How do you supervise when you are not at home? 

• Know your child’s schedule. 

• Call your child at varying times. 

• Have your child check in with you or other 

caregivers when he or she reaches home. 

• Have your child check in when he or she reaches 

his or her destination. 

• Surprise your child with a random visit or call. 

• Remain in communication with adults who 

interact with your child.

Videos

For videos that show examples of supervision, visit 

www.drugabuse.gov/family-checkup/question-5-supervision. 

monkeybusinessimages/Getty Images
12 | FAMILY CHECKUP – Positive Parenting Prevents Drug Abuse 

Knowing Your Child’s Friends

Childhood is a period of major growth and change.Youth tend to 

be uncertain about themselves and how they “fit in,” and at times 

they can feel overwhelmed by a need to please and impress their 

friends. These feelings can leave children open to peer pressure. 

Knowing your child’s friends and peers helps parents improve 

communication, reduce conflict, and teach responsibility.

You can help your child and increase your influence by: 

knowing your child’s friends in the neighborhood and at school:

• Communicate with friends and their parents 

whenever possible. 

• Go to school—observe school behavior 

and who your child spends time with. 

• Observe behaviors, speech, and attitude and 

acknowledge and encourage positive behavior. 

staying involved in your 

child’s activities: 

• Help your child understand 

his or her feelings. 

• Discuss your child’s new ideas. 

• Be responsible for sex and 

drug information. 

• Share your values and beliefs; 

it gives your child a base to 

work from. 

talking to your child when a concern comes up, such as: 

• spending time with friends you don’t know

• changes in speech and attitude 

• changes in schoolwork 

• lying and sneaking around

EXTRA TIPS 

Keep lines of 

communication open. 

Be patient and 

observe; don’t 

react—it may pass.
FAMILY CHECKUP – Positive Parenting Prevents Drug Abuse | 13

Peer Influence

Youth do not always make wise choices in picking friends. 

Help them see what qualities they should value in friends

—such as honesty, school involvement, and respect. 

To decrease negative peer influence, spend time together 

and try these ideas: 

• Play board/outdoor games. 

• Read with your child or tell family stories. 

• Encourage your child’s interests (such as drawing, 

scientific curiosity, music, and cooking). 

• Include your child in social/cultural events 

in the community. 

• Include your child’s friends in family activities.

Help children see what 

qualities they should 

value in friends—such 

as honesty, school 

involvement, and respect.


This publication is available for your use and may be reproduced in its entirety

without permission from NIDA. Citation of the source is appreciated, using the 

following language: Source: National Institute on Drug Abuse; National Institutes 

of Health; U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

NIH Publication No. 15-DA-8016

Printed August 2015