The Next Step . . .
 

. . . Toward a Better Life
 
How do I know when I am in recovery? 

Here are four signs:
 

•	 I can address problems as they happen, without using drugs or alcohol, and without getting stressed out.

•	 I have at least one person I can be completely honest with.

•	 I have personal boundaries and know which issues are mine and

which ones belong to other people.

•	 I take the time to restore my energy—physical and emotional—

when I am tired.

YOU CAN DO THIS.
 
Table of Contents
 

Introduction  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .1
 

1. The First 30 Days  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .3
 

Leaving Detoxification: Now What?  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .3
 

People, Places, Things: Steps to Take Now  . . . . . . . . . . . . . .3
 

Potholes Ahead  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .5
 

Your “Anti­Drugs” and “Anti­Drinks” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .6
 

What’s Wrong With This Picture?  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .7
 

More About the First 30 Days  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10
 

Moving On  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .12
 

2. Long­Term Recovery  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .13
 

Your Recovery Plan  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .13
 

1. Setting Goals  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .15
 

2. Making Good Decisions  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .16
 

3. Managing Time  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .17
 

4. Relationships  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .20
 

5. Spotting and Stopping a Relapse  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .22
 

6. Knowing the Stumbling Blocks  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .23
 

Getting Help  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .26
 

3. Legal Issues  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .29
 

Disability/Treatment  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .29
 

Housing  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .29
 

Parole  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .29
 

4. Resources  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .31
 

iii
Join us on the road to a new freedom.

Introduction

This book is not a substitute for treatment. It will give you an idea

of what to expect when you leave detox. It has suggestions to help

you stay off illicit drugs and alcohol. Not all of the suggestions will

apply to you. Just do what works for you.

Your next step is to go to substance abuse treatment. Treatment

will help you recover and also help you with other needs. Ask the

detox staff about treatment, or look on page 31 of this book.

Beginning treatment as soon as you leave detox is best, but there is

sometimes a waiting period. The treatment staff can help you until

your treatment begins.

You may not be able to go to treatment. You should still get help

staying off drugs and alcohol. Find a self­help or other community

group for people in recovery, such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)

or Narcotics Anonymous (NA) or other group (see page 32). If a

spiritually­oriented program is important to you, try a faith­based

organization (such as a church) that welcomes people in recovery.

Going it alone is the most difficult way to stay away from drugs and

alcohol. Get help.

Before you went to detox your drug or alcohol problem was in

the driver’s seat. Even after you finish detox, the factors that “drive”

your substance use are still in place. Your substance use disorder is

still there. The challenge you face now is to take back the steering

wheel and begin to recover.

Recovery happens in stages. The first stage is the very big adjustment while your body and brain get used to not having drugs or

alcohol. This stage is a very bumpy road to travel and can take four

weeks or longer, depending on your habit. Methamphetamine and

crack users may need several months to adjust.

1
 
Part 1 of this book helps you avoid drugs and alcohol while you

make this adjustment. Part 2 is about longer­term recovery. When

you have adjusted to being sober, and the road feels less bumpy,

you will start longer­term recovery. You will set new goals, make

better decisions, and plan your time. Part 2 will explain why these

things are important and how they work.

YOU CAN DO THIS.

2
 
1. The First 30 Days

Detox is not a “cure.”

Going through detox means you have taken a big first step in

getting free of drugs or alcohol. However, detox is only the beginning. The drugs or alcohol may be gone from your body, but the 

people, places, and problems that led you to drug and alcohol

abuse are still there.

Leaving Detoxification: Now What?

Perhaps you have been through detox before and you have doubts

about staying sober and off drugs. You can do it. Many people go

through detox more than once.

Maybe you tried to go it alone last time. This time, get help. Ask

detox staff or look in the back of this book. Counselors can help

you if you are struggling to stay sober or need to find better housing, leave a bad relationship, deal with anger, be a better parent, or

find medical help.

Go to self­help group meetings. There is a list at the back of this

book. These groups are a no­lose situation. They cost nothing, are

available almost everywhere and any time, and you can find one

that meets your ethnic and gender preferences. There is no waiting

list. They know what you are going through. They know about

resources such as child care and jobs. You have more choices and

opportunities than you realize. 

People, Places, Things: Steps to Take Now

There is no right way and no wrong way to stay sober and off

drugs. Whatever works, works. The things that work best are those

that help you deal with triggers. A trigger is anything that leads to

using or drinking. 

3
 
Many self­help groups use the acronym H.A.L.T. to describe certain

triggers. You are more likely to use or drink when you are Hungry,

Angry, Lonely, or Tired.

You are also more likely to use or drink when you are around the

people, places, and things that were part of your old drug or drinking life. 

Before you walk out of detox, plan now to stay away from anyone,

any place, and anything that will cause you to relapse. For

instance: 

•	 Delete the names of the people you drank or used with from

your cell phone, email, and other devices. Avoid the old crowd

as much as you can.

•	 As much as you can, avoid the people who get you angry.

•	 Find good company. Ask your friends or family to help you stay

sober.

•	 Ask detox staff about AA, NA, or other local self­help groups.

There is also a list at the end of this book.

•	 Go to 90 meetings in 90 days.

•	 Map out different routes to avoid dealers and bars.

•	 Don’t visit or meet someone if you know he or she has alcohol

or drugs.

•	 Fill your refrigerator so you will always have something good to

eat.

•	 Have someone who doesn’t use clear the alcohol, drugs, and

equipment from your home, car, and other places.

•	 Put away your cash, ATM, or credit cards if having money is one

of your triggers. Shop with non­using friends or family.

•	 As much as you can, rest, relax, and sleep.

•	 Make a list of the bad effects alcohol or drugs had on your life,

friends, and family. Be honest.

4
 
•	 Make a list of the benefits of staying off drugs and alcohol. Add

to this list every day—new people you have met, ways you are

proud of yourself.

•	 Talk to a counselor about a better place to live. Having drugs in

the neighborhood or house is a powerful trigger to relapse. So is

an abusive living situation. If you cannot change your living situation, it is even more important to have lots of anti­drug skills to

rely on.

Potholes Ahead

The biggest mistake you can make is to think you can simply go

back to your life and not use drugs and alcohol. Staying sober takes

a lot of hard work. The road ahead is full of potholes that can

knock you off course.

Remember that your substance abuse is something that you once

learned to do. Now that you have been through detox, you need to

“unlearn” substance use and “relearn” how to live sober. You may

be drug­free, but you are still on “automatic pilot.” You could drink

or use drugs without thinking about it. 

To stay away from drugs and alcohol during this period, you have

to take action:

•	 Use your anti­drugs/anti­drinks (explained in the next section).

•	 Practice new thinking, especially the reminder “I am a substance

abuser and I must work to recover.”

•	 Take small steps in simple, everyday matters.

Taking action will help you get through this phase in several ways.

It gives you a growing sense of control over your life. Best of all,

instead of trying to not do something, which is difficult, you can do

something else, which is easier. The something else is your antidrug or anti­drink.

5
 
Your “Anti­Drugs” and “Anti­Drinks”

An “anti­drug” or “anti­drink” is anything that helps you stay away

from drugs or alcohol. It can be simple, like:

•	 Chewing gum or eating candy when you crave a drink.

•	 Calling your self­help group sponsor or a friend instead of going

to places where you might use.

•	 Watching movies.

•	 Shooting baskets.

•	 Reading.

•	 Keeping pictures of your children in your pocket as motivation to

stay away from alcohol and drugs.

•	 Joining a faith organization that supports recovery.

•	 Finding a new job that keeps you busy and away from others

who use.

The more anti­drugs you have, the better. By doing your antidrugs/anti­drinks, you can gradually shut off that automatic pilot

and get back in the driver’s seat. The people who are most successful in staying sober do two anti­drugs/drinks in particular: go to

counseling and join a self­help group.

Practicing anti­drug activities doesn’t mean you have to be busy. It

can also mean mental activity such as prayer and meditation. There

are many forms of meditation, including mindfulness training.

Mindfulness training is taught in hospitals for stress and pain control. These mental exercises can help get you out of “automatic

pilot.”

Just like exercising a muscle, these anti­drug activities feel more

natural with use. Use page 8 to make a list of your own antidrinks/anti­drugs. Tear it out and keep it with you. Unless you are

ready with a list of ideas to avoid alcohol and drugs, it will be too

easy for you to start drinking or using again.

6
 
You may have a fear of falling into your old patterns, but this will

not last. For now, your focus is on the next four weeks or so, and

on avoiding the people, places, and things that are connected to

using. Your impulses will feel less and less overwhelming over time.

What’s Wrong With This Picture?

You may think that being sober means that everything will now be

fine. Actually, the early days of abstinence can look and feel pretty

bad.

Change, even good change, can be frightening. Because getting

sober is a big change, it can also be a time of crisis. The changes of

new abstinence are sometimes called the “trauma of recovery.”

Your life and the lives of the people around you were probably

organized around your substance use. The sudden absence of your

use can disorganize your life in a painful way.

The change you made by becoming sober also has a ripple effect

on your family, friends, and co­workers. Getting sober creates

chaos, just like the chaos created by substance use. Remember that

the people around you:

•	 Do need your attention, especially your children. You must balance the needs of your children with your anti­drinks/drugs.

•	 Could think or say that they prefer you “on drugs.”

•	 Might not understand the adjustments you are going through.

•	 Might have invested a lot of energy in taking care of you. Now

that you are abstinent, they have to find other ways to relate

to you.

•	 Might not understand all the things you need to do to stay sober

and off drugs.

•	 Might try to control you to keep from relapsing.

•	 Might resent the upheaval the drugs and alcohol caused.

7
 
When I am confronted with drugs or alcohol, I will do this:

1)____________________________________________________________

2)____________________________________________________________

3)____________________________________________________________

4)____________________________________________________________

5)____________________________________________________________

6)____________________________________________________________

7)____________________________________________________________

8)____________________________________________________________

9)____________________________________________________________

10)____________________________________________________________

11)____________________________________________________________

12)____________________________________________________________

13)____________________________________________________________

14)____________________________________________________________

15)____________________________________________________________

16)____________________________________________________________

17)____________________________________________________________

18)____________________________________________________________

19)____________________________________________________________

20)____________________________________________________________

8
 
What Happens in Substance Abuse Treatment?

Not all treatment programs are alike, but most follow this general idea:

First, the counselor will ask you questions about your drinking

or drug use, your physical health, and other issues in your life.

This is called assessment. The counselor will use the answers to

your questions to determine how to help you. Many counselors

are in recovery and know what you are going through. 

Together, you and the counselor will make a treatment plan.

The treatment plan is a written outline of your goals and antidrink/drug activities. It will also contain the “tools” you will

need to help you stay sober. These can include:

•	 Help in identifying triggers (a trigger is anything that makes

you crave alcohol or drugs).

•	 Relapse prevention training.

•	 Stress management.

•	 Self­help groups in which you are comfortable.

•	 Medicine for pain, cravings, or depression.

•	 Time or money management skills.

•	 Job skills.

Treatment has two goals. One goal is to help you stop using.

The other goal is to help you relearn how to live without drugs

or alcohol. It can take a long time for substance abuse to develop, and it can take a long time to relearn how to live without

using. 

9
 
•	 Might resent that you often leave for sobriety activities.

•	 Might find your unstable feelings difficult to deal with.

Your job is to stay focused on your anti­drugs/anti­drinks strategies.

Where others are concerned:

•	 Let friends and family focus on their own adjustments.

•	 Stay positive. Even small changes toward positive thinking help

yourself and others. Negative thinking helps no one.

•	 Go to AA or similar group meetings for encouragement from

people who understand.

Drugs or alcohol caused many of your problems, but not all of

them. Getting sober will not cure all of them. Now that you are

sober, you are suddenly faced with problems in a new way. Let the

bigger issues wait until you are feeling better. Stick to the daily

problems so the most important things, like children, are taken 

care of.

More About the First 30 Days

Drug and alcohol use mixed up your thinking patterns. Now that

you are detoxified, your brain needs time to adjust to life without

chemicals. As this happens, you can have feelings that don’t make

any sense, such as:

•	 Feeling like you’ve been asleep for years and can’t handle the

simplest situation without “using.”

•	 Feeling grief in letting go of your use.

•	 Feeling “stranded” and wonder “what now?”

•	 Feeling like you lost the friends or family who are still using.

•	 Feeling that sobriety is like punishment or being deprived.

•	 Feeling strange during ordinary activities because you have forgotten how to do things sober.

10
 
•	 Pain from other problems can suddenly resurface.

•	 You can have trouble thinking clearly.

•	 You might struggle with anxiety or depression.

•	 You might feel overwhelmed.

•	 You might “space out.”

•	 Impulsive behaviors can pose a challenge.

•	 Your emotions can run to extremes with anger, self­pity, hopelessness, or defensiveness.

•	 It might be difficult to remember things.

•	 It can be difficult to commit to things.

•	 Your physical coordination might not work as well.

•	 You might have trouble sleeping.

•	 You might constantly stress about every aspect of life.

•	 You might feel numb or “drugged” with emotions—depression,

anger, helplessness—just like when you were using.

These emotions mean your brain is recovering now that the alcohol

or drugs are gone. During this time:

•	 Don’t expect too much of yourself. Your physical coordination

and ability to concentrate won’t work as well for a while.

•	 Try to avoid doing things that could make you feel worse, like

eating junk food or drinking coffee.

•	 Find humor in situations instead of feeling sorry for yourself.

•	 Remind yourself that your emotional state will get better soon if

you stay sober.

•	 Get as much sleep as possible. Don’t worry too much about

sleep disturbances. You will sleep better soon.

•	 Eat well, including healthy snacks if you are hungry.

•	 Take vitamins to restore needed nutrition.

11
 
Cravings can occur at any time and are often triggered by events

(such as New Year’s Eve) or sensations (the smell of alcohol or cigarette smoke). Like your other symptoms, cravings will fade as the

days and weeks go by.

You might dream that you are drinking or using drugs and wake up

feeling high, or frustrated at not being high.

Feeling anxious or depressed for a short time can be a part of this

bumpy road. However, if it lasts too long, you should get treatment.

Section 4 of this book tells you how to find help.

Moving On

When does this adjustment period end? Give yourself at least a

month. People who use heroin or crack may need 6 months. 

As time goes by, you may notice that your head is clearer. Instead

of fighting your impulses, you can relax and just go through your

day. You can think about the weeks ahead, instead of just today.

You are moving into longer­term recovery.

YOU CAN DO THIS.

12
 
2: Long­Term Recovery

Always look to a real goal in the near future.

As your brain and body get used to being without drugs and alcohol, you’ll find that life feels better and you no longer feel overwhelmed. Instead of worrying about things that don’t happen, you

deal with problems as they come up. 

You are getting along better with the people close to you, and you

can be more open and honest. You have a better sense of what

issues belong to you, and what issues belong to other people. You

are enjoying yourself a little more and doing fun things.

It is time to adopt a long­term recovery plan. This plan involves:

• Setting new goals and the steps to get there.

• Improving your relationships.

• Learning more ways to handle situations without substance use.

• Learning to manage your time.

• Identifying your triggers and ways to handle them.

Your Recovery Plan

Why do you need a recovery plan? To be in recovery, you need to

be moving forward. If you stop moving forward, the old patterns

are waiting to take over again, ready to grab the steering wheel.

The point of a recovery plan is always to stay off drugs and sober. It

does not have to be very detailed.

Getting help as part of your plan is a good idea. You might be carrying a heavy load of feelings that you have stuffed away all your

life. If you have been “doctoring” your emotions with drugs or

alcohol, then going without counseling, sponsor, or a group of

peers will make it hard for you to stay sober. 

13
 
Assessing Your Strengths

Rate each strength below using the following scale. Really notice

what’s good about you!

0 = Not at all; 1 = A little; 2 = Kinda, not always; 3 = Yes, that’s me!

____Connecting with others. I connect with people and find

friends easily.

____Creativity. I’m good at art, music, or __________________.

____Politics. I take action and try to make a difference.

____Attractiveness. I am attractive and/or charming.

____Sense of humor. I can find fun and like to laugh.

____Survival skills. I am a survivor, I’ve done things that 

were difficult.

____Persistence. I can follow through and have a sense of will. 

____Self­care. I take care of myself, my home. 

____Physical ability. I’m good at physical activity or sports.

____Social support. I have people in my life who care about me

and will help.

____Helping others. I’m good at caring for others who need my

help.

____Self­esteem. I believe I’m a good person.

____Intelligence. I “get it” and have (mental/social and/or emotional) smarts.

____Ability to face my feelings. I can deal with painful feelings

and manage them.

____Ability to communicate. I can say what I think and be

assertive without hurting myself or others.

____Financial resources. I have money or other resources to help

me overcome.

____Other strengths: __________________________________

Source: Copied with permission from: Najavits, L.M. A Woman’s Addiction Workbook.

New Harbinger Publications, Oakland, CA.

14
 
Be sure to include medical and dental care in your plan. It will be

easier for you to stay off drugs and alcohol if you are not in pain.

Make sure your doctor, dentist, and other providers know about

your recovery. It will help them care for you, especially if you need

medicine for pain. If you need a doctor or dentist, ask your drug

abuse counselor how to find one or look in section 4 of this book.

1. Setting Goals

After years of substance abuse, many people forget what some of

their goals and joys once were. Others never had any goals. Use

the list on page 14 to help you see your strengths. You might discover some you didn’t know you had. Use the list to find ideas and

develop goals.

Your goals should be clear and rewarding. They shouldn’t be too

hard or too easy. Ordinary, everyday goals keep your life moving

forward and keep the old patterns from taking over.

They should include:

• A job or educational/vocational program.

• Social time with substance­free co­workers, friends, and family.

• Hobbies and recreation to organize free time.

• Completing parole requirements, if necessary.

Each goal should be broken down into steps. You should also have

a timetable. For example, if your goal is to get some job training

then the first step could be to find a program. Your timetable might

be to find one in three months, in time to apply and be accepted.

Another step would be to find out how much the program costs

and make a plan to pay for it.

15
 
Ineffective goals

•	 Just be strong when I am offered drugs or alcohol

•	 Make more money

•	 Don’t get arrested for driving without a license

•	 Show my boss he’s wrong

Practical goals

•	 File 4 job applications or resumes a week until I am

employed or have a better job

•	 Find a basketball, soccer, or softball team to join

•	 Get involved at my kid’s school

•	 Make a budget to get out of debt

•	 Open a savings account

Goals can be of any size, including jogging or taking your children

to the playground twice a week. The important thing is that your

goals are rewarding and help you stay away from alcohol and

drugs.

2. Making Good Decisions

At this point, you have been off drugs for a while. Your head feels

better, but you could still be thinking in old ways. To stay in recovery, you need new ways of thinking, and better ways to make 

decisions.

Friends and family can help you with ideas for different ways to

handle tough situations. So can counselors and members of your

self­help group.

You can also think situations through on paper by making a kind of

decision map. To do this, take a situation you often face, such as

“boss yells at me for being late.” Write it in the middle of a piece of

paper. Draw a circle around it. Around the circle, add all the reactions you can think of. For instance:

16
 
•	 “I get mad and yell back.”

•	 “I apologize and work alone until I calm down.”

•	 “I quit and get drunk.”

•	 “I get mad but yell at my coworker.”

Draw a circle around each of these reactions, and connect them

with a line to the first circle.

Each of these reactions leads to other things, such as:

•	 “I get mad and yell back” leads to “I get fired.”

•	 “I quit and get drunk” leads to “I get arrested for DUI.”

•	 “I apologize and calm down” leads to “my co­workers feel better

toward me and my job is easier.”

Draw a circle around these and connect them to the cause.

You are making a map that allows you to see where your decisions

take you (see the next page). Making a map of events and your

responses can help you see what leads to drug or alcohol use.

Better decisions can help keep you off drugs.

3. Managing Time

Being in recovery means always moving forward. To move forward,

you need to think differently about time. This involves two things. 

1. Learn to mark time by the clock and the calendar, not by drugusing or drinking events. If you often say things like “that was the

time I got high and...” then you are using a drug event to mark

time. 

Divide the day by the clock, not “before I start drinking” and “after

I start drinking.” Telling time with drinking or drug­using events is

part of your substance use disorder. You need to change that pattern. When you talk about the past or any other subject, mention

dates or times instead of alcohol or drug use.

17
 
ò

My boss yells at me

for being late

I get fired

I get

drunk and

get arrested

for DUI

I have

to sober up

in jail

I calm

down and

apologize

and try to do 

better

My 

co­workers

feel better

toward me,

which makes

my job easier

When

I get home, I

can tell my

family how I

managed my

temper

Knowing

I can handle

job conflicts

gives them

confidence

in me

I can

ask for more

responsibilities that can

lead to a 

promotion

ò

ò

ò

ò

ò

ò

ò

ò

ò

ò

event

I get

mad and

yell back

A Sample Decision Map

18
 
2. You used to spend most of your time and energy on using. You

need to fill that time with other things, and not just do nothing. Get

a small calendar or notebook. Fill it with your goals and ways to

use your free time. Fill your days with a job and other activities that

will keep you sober, and keep drugs and alcohol from taking over

again. 

Using your time wisely also helps you avoid anger and other emotions that lead to use. Good use of time helps you fulfill your

responsibilities. You can avoid trouble with the people around you

by being reliable.

Buy an appointment book or a calendar. Even a pad of paper is

okay, as long as you stick to your schedule.

Look at your goals and the steps you need to take to get there. Fill

in the steps in your calendar or appointment book. Be sure to

schedule relaxing times. You do not need to be busy every minute.

You should not feel controlled by the clock. But you should use

your time in ways that help you with your goals and avoid substance use. 

Some helpful schedule suggestions:

•	 Go to meetings. Attending face­to­face or even online self­help

groups will help you fill time, stay sober, and meet people who

are in recovery.

•	 Go to religious services. Recovery can have a spiritual side, and

it can be helpful to find a religious group with whom you are

comfortable.

•	 Becoming a workaholic is not a good way to stay off drugs. If

you overwork to fill up time, you may get so tired that you use

drugs or alcohol to relax. Or you may be lonely when work is

over. The extra money can be a trigger to “treat yourself” to

drugs or alcohol.

19
 
•	 Remember your anti­drugs/anti­drinks. They can help you fill

your time by giving you positive things to do.

• Your calendar/appointment book can also help you track your

progress. After a while, you can flip through earlier pages and

see yourself growing a new, drug­free life.

4. Relationships

While you have been getting used to being sober, others have been

getting used to the new you. Your relationships will show this ripple

effect.

People You May Have Hurt

People may think you can’t be trusted. This attitude can be discouraging. You might say to yourself, “If everyone thinks I’m going to

get high, then I might as well get high.” Don’t let other people’s

attitudes offend you. Pay attention to your own work on staying

sober. Their attitudes will change with time. 

If people are angry with you, then you can feel anger, too, or some

other emotion that you are not ready to handle. If you used to turn

to drugs when you were angry or upset, then you need a plan for

these situations. If possible, walk away and do something else until

you calm down. Look at your anti­drug/anti­drink list. Don’t let the

situation trigger a relapse. Use a decision map to think about how

to react in a better way.

Give the rules on the next page to your friends and family to help

them while you begin your recovery.

20
 
Al­Anon’s rules for living with a person with a 

substance use disorder:

•	 Do not suffer because of the actions or reactions of other

people.

•	 Do not allow yourself to be used or abused in the interest

of another’s recovery.

•	 Do not do for others what they should do for themselves.

•	 Do not manipulate situations so others will eat, go to bed,

pay bills, etc.

•	 Do not cover up for other’s mistakes or misdeeds.

•	 Do not create a crisis.

•	 Do not prevent a crisis if it is in the natural course of

events.

As you get more stable, others will have more confidence in you.

This can have a surprising side effect. As your children or spouse

trust you more, they might get more honest with you. They might

be more open with their feelings. This can be hard to deal with. Let

these conflicts provoke a change for the better in your relationships. 

Consider going to assertiveness training, anger management, or

other classes. Encourage your family to get help for themselves,

such as a self­help group or a counselor.

People You Used With

Others who are still using might not like the changes in you. They

can feel rejected or guilty about their own behavior. Dealers don’t

want to lose your business. A third of people in recovery relapse

because of pressure from others. 

•	 Remember that those who offer you drugs or alcohol, even

friends or family, are not doing what’s best for you.

•	 Say no immediately, in a way that is convincing.

21
 
•	 Practice saying no with another person, such as “No, thank you,

but I’ll have a cup of coffee” or “No, I’m not using any more, it’s

causing me too many problems.”

•	 Don’t say something that suggests they can ask again, like

“maybe later” or “I’m on medication.”

•	 Suggest something else to do, such as a movie or a walk.

•	 Do not allow the conversation to remain on drugs. Change the

subject. Counselors call this “drug refusal training,” and you

might want to get help if saying no is a problem for you.

5. Spotting and Stopping a Relapse

It takes a long time for new skills and patterns to take hold. Don’t

let your guard down. You are in a battle for your life, and you must

beware of an ambush.

A slip is a single episode of use. Think of a slip as information, a

signal that something is not working. Think about what happened,

and figure out what changes are needed.

A relapse, on the other hand, is a return to more­than­once use. If

you relapse, it is important to get back on track again. The sooner

you stop a relapse, the better. You will eventually succeed. Don’t

discourage yourself, “I blew it so why should I continue trying?”

All­or­nothing thinking, self­blame, and other negative reactions

will not help you get back on track. Negative thinking only makes

relapse easier and abstinence harder.

Signs of a Possible Relapse

•	 A dream in which you drink or use can be a warning. Think

about what you are doing and how you might be drifting

toward use.

•	 People often relapse when they feel better and more in control:

they think that moderate use is okay. This thinking often leads to

relapse.

22
 
•	 Daydreaming about the fun you had while using is a sign of

relapse.

•	 Finding yourself talking about old times (sharing “war stories”)

can also signal a relapse about to happen.

Suggestions to Prevent a Relapse

•	 Call a counselor or sober friends.

•	 Leave the situation and walk or jog around the block a few

times.

•	 Eat or distract yourself with a book or movie.

•	 Tell your friends and family to stop you when you talk about the

fun you had while drinking or using.

•	 Make a list of the good things about your new life, such as better

relationships, success at work or school, looking better, or time

and money for hobbies.

•	 Stop yourself from daydreaming about the fun of drug and alcohol use, and think about the downside.

•	 If you have already relapsed at least once, think of how it happened. What can you do differently this time?

“Just be strong and say no” is not enough to handle the situations

you will face. Use page 24 to write down the ways you could

relapse, and come up with a strategy to handle them. Make a copy

to keep with you.

6. Knowing the Stumbling Blocks

The “Looking Good” trap

The “looking good” trap refers to the fact that you are getting

healthier. You look much better. No one would guess by your

appearance that you have a substance use problem. Other people

can tempt you to slip or relapse. You might also begin to doubt that

you have a drug or drinking problem. Don’t let the mirror fool you.

Remind yourself that your looks improve faster than your ability to

stay sober.

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• People who offer or provoke me to use:

How will I respond to them?

• Places where I used:

How will I avoid them?

• Times when I used:

What will I do instead?

• Situations that encourage relapse (parties, having cash):

How will I handle them?

24
 
Money

Paydays can be a big stumbling block. Some people binge when

they get their paycheck, especially if it is the first paycheck they

have had for a while. As paydays approach, you must plan how to

get your paycheck deposited and bills paid without spending it on

drugs or alcohol. If money is one of your triggers, don’t carry any

until you are stable in your abstinence. Arrange for direct deposit of

your paycheck if possible. If you need to, take a friend or family

member with you when you go shopping.

Dealers and other users know when checks arrive and might come

looking for you. Plan ways to avoid them.

Thinking Patterns

To keep recovery going, it is important not to trick yourself. Don’t

romanticize your past life. Don’t expect your desire for drugs or

alcohol to go away quickly. When you have cravings, use “healthy

thinking” to help yourself through the moment. For example, stop

and remind yourself of the pain that drugs caused you. Review the

good things about being sober. 

Don’t talk about the fun of substance use. Ask your friends to interrupt you when this happens. Don’t listen when others talk about

the fun of use. Change the subject or walk away for a moment.

You might even find yourself doubting you have a drug problem. If

that happens, put it to a test: Go to an AA or similar meeting and

listen to their stories. If they sound like yours, you will be reminded

how sneaky your addiction is.

Other Substances

Stay away from drugs you didn’t have a problem with. Your chosen

drug may have been crack, but you should also stay away from ice,

marijuana, alcohol, and anything else that can trick you into using

again. 

25
 
Triggers and Cravings

Cravings can suddenly come back after three or six months.

However, they may quickly fade to a low level again. Practice your

anti­drugs/anti­drinks until they do. Even without cravings, your triggers can still ambush you. You always need to be aware of the people, places, and things that can cause you to relapse.

Emotional Issues

•	 Some people experience severe depression and anxiety in the

months after detox. If depression or anxiety gets in the way of

your recovery, you should get treatment.

•	 Anger often leads to relapse. Situations that can cause anger,

especially giving or receiving criticism, need careful handling.

Take a class in anger management or assertiveness training, and

plan time to avoid conflict.

•	 If you have experienced physical or emotional abuse, staying

away from drugs and alcohol will be even more difficult. Find a

counselor trained in treating trauma.

•	 If you are in an abusive relationship, it will be very difficult for

you to stay sober. Abuse and drug use go hand in hand. Get help.

Getting Help

Remember, “detox” is not “cure.” Before you leave detox, enroll in

substance abuse treatment or another source of help as a way to

start your new life. Help for staying sober can come from:

•	 Substance abuse counselors.

•	 Case managers.

•	 Vocational counselors.

•	 Housing advocates.

•	 Mental health counselors.

•	 Trauma/abuse specialists.

•	 Outreach workers.

•	 Psychiatrists, psychologists, or social workers.

26
 
There is overlap in these job types. Detox staff may or may not provide substance abuse counseling. Many counselors also do case

management. Some mental health counselors can help you get over

abuse.

Both outreach workers and case managers provide referrals, and

case managers can also help with housing or a job. Most of them

can help you escape an abusive relationship. There are more

resources listed in section 4. Take advantage of everything you can

to stay away from alcohol and drugs.

27
 
How do I know when I am in recovery? 

Here are four signs:
 

•	 I can address problems as they happen, without using drugs or alcohol, and without getting stressed out.

•	 I have at least one person I can be completely honest with.

•	 I have personal boundaries and know which issues are mine and

which ones belong to other people.

•	 I take the time to restore my energy—physical and emotional—

when I am tired.

YOU CAN DO THIS.
 

28
 
3. Legal Issues

Your drug or alcohol use may have gotten you into trouble with

your employer, your landlord, or the police. If you stay off alcohol

and drugs and stay in treatment, the law gives you some protection

to help you recover. But that help is limited, and you have to do

your part.

Disability/Treatment

A substance use disorder (or any other disorder) does not qualify as

a disability by itself. The Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) will

not protect you if you make, sell, or use illegal drugs. However, the

ADA gives you some protection if you are recovering from a substance use disorder. In most cases, the protection applies only if

you are in recovery or in treatment. 

The Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) is similar. It gives certain

employees the right to take unpaid leave when needed for a serious

health condition, including substance abuse. However, the leave

must be for treatment. Missing work because of drug or alcohol use

does not qualify for leave.

Housing

People who abuse drugs or alcohol can be evicted and banned

from Section 8 or other public housing. This ban may last 3 years.

However, if the person successfully completes a treatment program

and stays off drugs and alcohol, a housing agency may be able to

shorten or lift the ban.

Parole

If you are on parole, it is important that you finish your term of

supervision in the community. One of the goals of parole is to

change old drinking and drug­using patterns. Parole also adds

structure to a person’s life with work and other requirements. This

structure helps prevent relapse. Most people in recovery who violate parole also relapse.

29
 
                   

             

For More Information

A 16­page booklet called “Know Your Rights” is available from the

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration

[SAMHSA]. This brochure explains the ways the law will and won’t

protect people recovering from a substance use disorder. To get a

copy, you can go to the Internet (http://partnersforrecovery.samhsa.gov;

click on “resources”). 

This publication can be ordered from SAMHSA' s Publications

Ordering Web page at:

http://store.samhsa.gov/product/Are­You­in­Recovery­from­Alcoholor­Drug­Problems­Know­Your­Rights/PHD1091 

This publication can also be downloaded from SAMHSA' s

Publications Ordering Web page at:

http://store.samhsa.gov/shin/content//PHD1091/PHD1091.pdf

Or, please call SAMHSA at 1­877­SAMHSA­7 (1­877­726­4727)

(English and Español).

These Federal agencies also accept complaints and have information on disability­based discrimination:

•	 Equal Employment Opportunity Commission: call 1­800­669­

4000, or contact a local Equal Employment Opportunity Officer

through the blue pages of your local phone book.

•	 Department of Labor: both the Wage and Hour Division and the

Civil Rights Center handle discrimination complaints. Call the

Federal Information Relay Service at 1­800­877­8339 and ask for

the Civil Rights Center.

•	 Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD). Contact

a local HUD office (usually listed under “housing” in the blue

pages of the phone book), call 1­800­669­9777.

•	 Department of Justice. The Department of Justice only deals

with physical disability issues, such as wheelchair ramps, handicap­accessible restrooms, etc. Call 1­800­514­0301.

30
 
4. Resources
 

Local libraries often offer access to the internet if you want

to find help online. 

Finding Treatment

Treatment for substance abuse:

•	 The U.S. Government’s Substance Abuse and Mental Health

Services Administration (SAMHSA) sponsors an online “treatment

finder” at http://findtreatment.samhsa.gov. If you type your town or

code into the space on the screen, you will receive a list of treatment centers nearby.

•	 You can also call the toll­free national referral helpline at 1­800­

662­HELP (4357) to learn about local treatment centers.

•	 You can write to SAMHSA. SAMHSA offices are located at

1 Choke Cherry Road, Rockville, MD 20857.

•	 Local substance abuse treatment clinics are listed in the yellow

pages under “Drug Abuse.”

•	 Treatment clinics are listed in the blue (local government) pages

of the phone book under “Health Department,” “Human

Services,” or “Social Services.”

Treatment for medical, dental, and mental health disorders:

•	 Detox facilities can give you information about local medical,

dental, and mental health clinics.

•	 Look in the blue (local government) pages of the phone book

under “Health Department,” “Human Services,” or “Social

Services.”

•	 Health professionals are also listed in the yellow pages by title

(“Physicians,” “Dentists,” etc.).

31
 
                   

                 

•	 There is an online mental health treatment finder at

http://findtreatment.samhsa.gov. If you type your town

or zipcode into the space on the screen, you will receive a list of

treatment centers nearby.

•	 SAMHSA offices are located at 1 Choke Cherry Road, Rockville,

MD 20857, and their main Web site is http://www.samhsa.gov.

•	 If you are in crisis, SAMHSA’s suicide hotline is 1­800­273­TALK

(8255).

Staying Sober*

Detox facilities should be able to provide you with a list of local

resources, including these:

AA (Alcoholics Anonymous)

A.A. World Services, Inc.

P.O. Box 459

New York, NY 10163

212­870­3400

AA is a voluntary, worldwide fellowship of men and women who

meet together for recovery through the 12 Steps. AA membership

is free.

AA Grapevine

P.O. Box 1980

Grand Central Station

New York, NY 10163­1980

1­800­631­6025

The Grapevine has printed and other AA material. Most can

be found online.

*Note: Inclusion of resources on this list does not signify endorsement by

the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration or the

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS).

32
 
Alcoholics Victorious

Westview Business Center

620 Mendolssohn Avenue, #105

Golden Valley, MN 55427

612­593­1791

A part of the Institute for Christian Living, AV meetings use both the

12 Steps of AA and the AV Creed.

CALIX

2555 Hazelwood Avenue

Saint Paul, MN 55109

651­773­3117; 1­800­398­0524

A Catholic­oriented supplement to Alcoholics Anonymous.

Dual Recovery AnonymousTM (DRA)

Dual Recovery Anonymous Central Office Service

P.O. Box 8107

Prairie Village, KS 66208

(toll­free) 1­877­883­2332

DRA is a 12­Step self­help fellowship of men and women who

meet to support each other in recovery from emotional or psychiatric illness and chemical dependency.

Faces & Voices of Recovery

1010 Vermont Avenue, #708

Washington, DC 20005

202­737­0690

A national campaign of individuals and organizations that support

local recovery efforts.

Hopelinks

http://www.hopelinks.net
 

A Web service of Macwon’s Inc., the Hopelinks Site provides recovery information and self­help resources for anyone trying to stay
 

abstinent.
 

33
 
                   

                     

         

JACS

850 Seventh Avenue

New York, NY 10019

212­397­4197

The Jewish Alcoholics, Chemically Dependent Persons and

Significant Others Foundation (JACS) is led by volunteers and is a

supplement to AA.

National Asian Pacific American Families Against Substance Abuse

(NAPAFASA)

340 East 2nd Street, Suite 409

Los Angeles, CA 90012

213­625­5795

NAPAFASA is concerned with substance abuse in Asian American,

Native Hawaiian, and other Pacific Islander families. NAPAFASA

helps with research, education, and other activities. 

Narcotics Anonymous (NA)

P.O. Box 9999

Van Nuys, CA 91409

818­773­9999

Narcotics Anonymous sprang from AA.

National Black Alcoholism & Addictions Council (NBAC)

5104 North Orange Blossom Trail

Suite 207

Orlando, FL 32810

NBAC is an organization where people can exchange ideas, offer

services, and promote treatment on behalf of African Americans.

National Association of State Alcohol/Drug Abuse Directors

(NASADAD)

Your States’s official alcohol and other drug abuse (AOD) authority is

likely a member of NASADAD, and is responsible for the effective and

efficient administration of treatment and prevention systems.

34
 
Salvation Army

The Salvation Army promotes a specific religious message in all of

its activities. If you are compatible with this religious message, the

Salvation Army offers treatment and many other resources including

help with housing and job training without discrimination. To find a

program in your area, look in your phone book or go online and

use the program locator in their Web site.

SMART RecoveryTM

7537 Mentor Avenue, Suite 306

Mentor, OH 44060

1­866­951­5357

SMART RecoveryTM (Self­Management And Recovery Training)

teaches clients to change self­defeating thinking, emotions, and

actions; SMART RecoveryTM offers free face­to­face and online

mutual help groups.

Women for Sobriety

P.O. Box 618

Quakertown, PA 18951

215­536­8026

Women for Sobriety is both an organization and a self­help program for female alcoholics.

Job Training

Office of Vocational and Adult Education (OVAE)

400 Maryland Avenue, SW

Washington, DC 20202­7100

202­245­7700

The OVAE, U.S. Department of Education, runs job training programs through different State agencies. The OVAE Web page has

links to programs that are available locally.

35
 
Do not reproduce or distribute this publication for a fee without specific, 

written authorization from the Office of Communications, SAMHSA, HHS.

This publication can be ordered from or downloaded from SAMHSA's 

Publications Ordering Web page at http://store.samhsa.gov. Or, please call 

SAMHSA at 1-877-SAMHSA-7 (1-877-726-4727) (English and Español).

Please share your thoughts about this publication by completing a brief 

online survey at: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/KAPPFS

The survey takes about 7 minutes to complete and is anonymous. Your 

feedback will help SAMHSA develop future products.

HHS Publication No. (SMA) 14-4474 Printed 2010

Revised 2011, 2012, 2013, and 2014

Reprinted 2015