Trauma-Informed Care for Children Exposed to Violence

Tips for Engaging Men and Fathers

What happens when children are exposed to violence?

Children are very resilient—but they are not unbreakable. No matter what their age, children are deeply hurt when 

they are physically, sexually, or emotionally abused or when they see or hear violence in their homes and communities. 

When children see and hear too much that is frightening, their world feels unsafe and insecure. 

Each child and situation is different, but exposure to violence can overwhelm children at any age and lead to problems 

in their daily lives. Some children may have an emotional or physical reaction. Others may find it harder to recover 

from a frightening experience. Exposure to violence—especially when it is ongoing and intense—can harm children’s 

natural, healthy development unless they receive support to help them cope and heal.

What are some of the warning signs of exposure to violence?

Children’s reactions to exposure to violence can be immediate or appear much later. Reactions differ in severity and 

cover a range of behaviors. People from different cultures may have their own ways of showing their reactions. How a 

child responds also varies according to age. 

Young Children (5 and younger)

Young children’s reactions are strongly influenced by caregivers’ reactions. Children in this age 

range who are exposed to violence may:

■ Be irritable or fussy or have difficulty calming down

■ Become easily startled

■ Resort to behaviors common to being younger (for example, thumb sucking, bed wetting, 

or fear of the dark)

■ Have frequent tantrums

■ Cling to caregivers

■ Experience changes in level of activity

■ Repeat events over and over in play or conversation

Elementary School-Age Children (6–12 years)

Elementary and middle school children exposed to violence may show problems 

at school and at home. They may:

■ Have difficulty paying attention 

■ Become quiet, upset, and withdrawn

■ Be tearful and sad and talk about scary feelings and ideas

■ Fight with peers or adults

■ Show changes in school performance

■ Want to be left alone

■ Eat more or less than usual

■ Get into trouble at home or school
Safe Start: Working Together to Help Children Exposed to Violence

2 Children Exposed to Violence: Tips for Men and Fathers

When should fathers be engaged in helping children exposed to violence heal and 

thrive?

Over the past 3 decades, an expanding body of literature 

demonstrates that fathers’ engagement with their 

children is associated with positive cognitive, social, and 

emotional development from infancy to adolescence. 

The father’s role is more than that of economic provider 

and includes nurturing, caregiving, and emotional 

support in both obvious and subtle ways. 

Historically fathers have been excluded from most 

programs and agencies. A rule of thumb is that fathers 

should be engaged whenever a program or agency 

involves the mother, except in cases where there are 

safety issues. Providers in all programs play a critical 

role in engaging fathers. The following are suggestions 

to engage fathers in interventions to prevent and reduce 

the impact of exposure to violence on their children:

Develop protocols to respond effectively to 

men, fathers, and father figures

Programs must have principles and values that 

clearly engage fathers and men—when safety can 

be ensured—regardless of the specific issue they are 

targeting (for example, child protection, education, 

health, or substance abuse). 

In cases of domestic violence, programs and policies 

regarding engaging fathers must ensure that the 

strategies do not cause further or undue harm to nonoffending caregivers and children. A clear definition 

of procedures must be developed on the following 

topics: how to screen and assess for domestic violence 

and exposure to violence; what to do when there is 

disclosure of domestic violence; what to do in case of a 

crisis or emergency related to 

domestic violence or other 

traumatic events; and how to provide 

appropriate referrals to parents

 and their families.

In addition, when violence is identified, 

staff must first talk to non-offending 

caregivers about whether, when, and 

how to approach their partners to 

avoid compromising safety. These 

conversations should continue throughout 

the program’s involvement, because the 

non-offending partner’s perception of safety or danger 

may change over time. 

Use self-generated cultural values to help 

men heal, learn parenting skills, and change 

their behavior

All cultures have attitudes that support responsible 

fatherhood. It is important to help each father find 

aspects of his cultural values that support responsible, 

violence-free, family behavior. The role of practitioners 

can be to explore the positive values that each man 

espouses and use those values to support his process of 

change.

Use fatherhood to motivate men to expand 

their parenting skills

Most men want to be good fathers. Helping men 

understand what an invaluable and irreplaceable role 

they play in the development and lives of their children 

can lead them to making a deeper commitment and 

investment in their family. 

Fathers are not all the same, and being an effective 

father takes many different forms. It is important for 

Teenagers (13–18 years)

Older children may exhibit the most behavioral changes as a result of exposure to 

violence. Depending on their circumstances, teenagers may:

■ Talk about the event all the time or deny that it happened

■ Refuse to follow rules or talk back with greater frequency

■ Complain of being tired all the time

■ Engage in risky behaviors

■ Sleep more or less than usual

■ Increase aggressive behaviors

■ Want to be alone, not even wanting to spend time with friends

■ Experience frequent nightmares

■ Use drugs or alcohol, run away from home, or get into trouble with the law
Safe Start: Working Together to Help Children Exposed to Violence

3 Children Exposed to Violence: Tips for Men and Fathers

any caseworker who works with fathers—in other 

words, every practitioner—to understand what effective 

fathering is. Understanding what makes for an effective 

father can help the staff work with a father on setting 

goals and objectives and assist both the provider and the 

father in understanding when progress has been made.

Skill-based parenting education and support for fathers 

can empower fathers in their role as caregiver and build 

and reinforce healthful connections between fathers and 

their children. Within their programs, staff can look for 

opportunities to have open conversations about taking 

responsibility for routine parenting tasks, emphasizing 

the protective role that every father and father figure can 

play in their children’s lives, and helping fathers focus on 

the effects of exposure to violence and explore parenting 

strategies that may help their children heal. 

Provide specialized, trauma-informed interventions to fathers

Unfortunately, some fathers—especially those involved 

in the child welfare system—have their own histories of 

childhood and/or adult exposure to violence. If untreated, 

this exposure can continue to affect fathers’ ability to 

regulate emotions, maintain physical and mental health, 

engage in relationships, parent effectively, and maintain 

family stability. Fathers’ past or present experiences 

of trauma can affect their ability to work effectively 

with mental health professionals and/or to respond to 

outreach from the schools and other systems. 

To engage fathers in the work to help children heal and 

thrive, it is critical to link them with trauma-informed 

treatment services specifically designed for men.

Offer fathers who have completed batterer 

intervention programs—and have renounced 

violence—ongoing support and parenting 

skills

Some men who use violence in their families can make 

the choice to change their behavior, sometimes through 

participation in a batterer intervention program. However, 

most nonviolence programs for men do not offer 

adequate followup support for their participants, who 

sometimes want to continue attending such groups. 

It is important to remember that many men who have 

been violent to their partners continue to have contact 

with their children. To engage these men, staff must 

ensure that men have stopped being violent and are 

willing and able to hear what their children need. 

Some men are more motivated to make changes in 

their behavior when they are engaged as fathers or 

father figures. These men can be helped to achieve 

constructive and healing relationships with their children. 

Establish meaningful relationships with community-based organizations to better serve 

fathers and their families 

To engage fathers, staff should be prepared with 

appropriate local service referrals, including responsible 

fatherhood programs, batterer intervention programs, 

substance abuse services, and supervised visitation. 

Other important relationships might include those 

with antipoverty agencies, job readiness and training 

programs, and educational organizations. 

Mandated Reporting

Many children experiencing crises or violence are also at risk for child abuse and neglect. All States 

have child welfare systems that receive and respond to reports of child abuse and neglect, offer 

services to families, provide foster homes for children who must be removed from their parents’ care, 

and work to find permanent placements for children who cannot safely return home.

Domestic violence does not equal child abuse and neglect, and therefore not all cases of domestic 

violence must be reported to child protective services. When responding to families affected by 

domestic violence, it is very important to consider simultaneously the safety of the child and the 

safety of the adult victim.

State by State information on reporting requirements can be found at http://www.childwelfare.gov/

systemwide/laws_policies/state.
Safe Start: Working Together to Help Children Exposed to Violence

4 Children Exposed to Violence: Tips for Men and Fathers

Additional Resources

Cohen, E., McAlister Groves, B., & Kracke, K. (2009). Understanding Children’s Exposure to Violence. Moving 

From Evidence to Action: The Safe Start Series on Children Exposed to Violence, Issue Brief #1. North Bethesda, 

MD: Safe Start Center, Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention, Office of Justice Programs, U.S. 

Department of Justice. http://www.safestartcenter.org/pdf/IssueBrief1_UNDERSTANDING.pdf

Family Violence Prevention Fund. (2011). National Institute on Fatherhood and Domestic Violence. San 

Francisco: Family Violence Prevention Fund. http://endabusesyntaxdev.forumone.com/content/features/

detail/799/

Family Violence Prevention Fund. (2005). Working with Men and Boys to Prevent Gender-Based Violence

(Toolkit). San Francisco: Family Violence Prevention Fund. http://toolkit.endabuse.org/Home/ 

Fleck-Henderson, A., & Areán, J.C. (2004). Breaking the Cycle: Fathering After Violence. Curriculum Guidelines 

and Tools for Batterer Intervention Programs. San Francisco: Family Violence Prevention Fund. http://endabuse.

org/section/programs/children_families/_breaking_cycle 

Martens, P. (2011). The Complete Guide to Father Engagement. Buhl, ID: National Family Preservation Network. 

http://www.nfpn.org

National Child Traumatic Stress Network. Birth Parents with Trauma Histories and the Child Welfare System: A 

Guide for Child Welfare Staff. Rockville, MD: Center for Mental Health Services, Substance Abuse and Mental 

Health Services Administration, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. http://www.nctsn.org/sites/

default/files/assets/pdfs/birth_parents_trauma_history_fact_sheet_final.pdf

For more information and resources, please contact the Safe Start Center, 

a National Resource Center for Children’s Exposure to Violence:

http://www.safestartcenter.org 

1-800-865-0965

info@safestartcenter.org