National Institute On Aging

National Institutes Of Health

A G uide for O lder People

TALKING

WITHYOUR

DOCTOR
Table of Contents

 

Opening Thoughts: Why Does It Matter? ............................................... 1

Getting Started: Choosing a Doctor You Can Talk To ............................. 2

How Should I Prepare? Getting Ready for an Appointment ................. 7

What Can I Say? Giving Information .................................................... 11

What Can I Ask? Getting Information .................................................. 14

How Can I Be Involved? Making Decisions With Your Doctor ............. 19

Asking More Questions: Talking to Doctors in Special Situations ....... 23

To Change the Subject: Practical Matters .......................................... 27

Can I Really Talk About That? Discussing Sensitive Subjects ......... 30

Who Else Will Help? Involving Your Family and Friends ....................... 34

Additional Resources: For More Information ...................................... 35

For Your Convenience: Worksheets .................................................... 39

Any Suggestions? Closing Thoughts .................................................... 44
1 | Talking with Your Doctor

opening thoughts:

 Why Does It Matter? 

Talking with Your Doctor 1 |

I

n the past, the doctor typically took the lead 

and the patient followed. Today, a good patientdoctor relationship is more of a partnership. 

You and your doctor can work as a team, along 

with nurses, physician assistants, pharmacists, and 

other health care providers, to solve your medical 

problems and keep you healthy.

This means asking questions if the doctor’s 

explanations or instructions are unclear, bringing 

up problems even if the doctor doesn’t ask, and 

letting the doctor know if you have concerns about 

a particular treatment or change in your daily life. 

Taking an active role in your health care puts the 

responsibility for good communication on both you and 

your doctor.

All of this is true at any age. But when you’re older, 

it becomes even more important to talk often 

and comfortably with your doctor. That’s partly 

because you may have more health conditions and 

treatments to discuss. It’s also because your 

health has a big impact on other parts of your life, 

and that needs to be talked about too.

How well you and your doctor talk to each other is one of the most 

important parts of getting good health care. Unfortunately, talking 

to your doctor isn’t always easy. It takes time and effort on your part 

as well as your doctor’s.

Communi cation
2 | Talking with Your Doctor

getting started:

 Choosing a Doctor You Can Talk To

F

inding a main doctor (often called your primary doctor 

or primary care doctor) that you feel comfortable 

talking to is the first step in good communication. It 

is also a way to ensure your good health. This doctor gets 

to know you and what your health is normally like. He or 

she can help you make medical decisions that suit your 

values and daily habits and can keep in touch with the other 

medical specialists and health care providers you may need. 

If you don’t have a primary doctor or are 

not at ease with the one you currently 

see, now may be the time to find a 

new doctor. Whether you just moved 

to a new city, changed insurance 

providers, or had a bad experience 

with your doctor or medical staff, it 

is worthwhile to spend time finding 

a doctor you can trust.

People sometimes hesitate to 

change doctors because they 

worry about hurting their doctor’s 

feelings. But doctors understand 

that different people have different 

needs. They know it is important for 

everyone to have a doctor with whom 

they are comfortable.

Primary care doctors frequently are family 

practitioners, internists, or geriatricians. A 

geriatrician is a doctor who specializes in older 

people, but family practitioners and internists may also have a 

lot of experience with older patients.
Talking with Your Doctor 3 |

The following suggestions can help you find a doctor 

who meets your needs:

Decide what you are looking for in a doctor — A good 

first step is to make a list of qualities that matter 

to you. Do you care if your doctor is a man or a 

woman? Is it important that your doctor has evening 

office hours, is associated with a specific hospital 

or medical center, or speaks your language? Do you 

prefer a doctor who has an individual practice or 

one who is part of a group so you can see one of your 

doctor’s partners if your doctor is not available? 

After you have made your list, go back over it and 

decide which qualities are most important and which 

are nice, but not essential.

Identify several possible doctors — Once you have a 

general sense of what you are looking for, ask friends 

and relatives, medical specialists, and other health 

professionals for the names of doctors with whom they 

have had good experiences. Rather than just getting a 

name, ask about the person’s experiences. For example: 

say, “What do you like about Dr. Smith?” and “Does this 

doctor take time to answer questions?” A doctor whose 

name comes up often may be a strong possibility. 

If you belong to a managed care plan—a health 

maintenance organization (HMO) or preferred 

provider organization (PPO)—you may be required 

to choose a doctor in the plan or else you may have to 

pay extra to see a doctor outside the network. Most 

managed care plans will provide information on their 

doctors’ backgrounds and credentials. Some plans 

have websites with lists of participating doctors from 

which you can choose. 

What are HMOs 

and PPOs?

Members of a health 

maintenance organization 

(HMO) pay a set monthly fee 

no matter how many (or few) 

times they see a doctor. Usually 

there are no deductibles or 

claims forms but you will 

have a co-payment for doctor 

visits and prescriptions. Each 

member chooses a primary 

care doctor from within the 

HMO network. The primary care 

doctor coordinates all care and, 

if necessary, refers members to 

specialists. 

A preferred provider organization 

(PPO) is a network of doctors 

and other health care providers. 

The doctors in this network 

agree to provide medical 

services to PPO health plan 

members at discounted costs. 

Members can choose to see any 

doctor at any time. Choosing 

a non-PPO provider is called 

‘going out of network’ and will 

cost more than seeing a member 

of the PPO network.
4 | Talking with Your Doctor

It may be helpful to develop a list of a few names 

you can choose from. As you find out more about the 

doctors on this list, you may rule out some of them. 

In some cases, a doctor may not be taking new 

patients and you may have to make another choice. 

Consult reference sources — The Directory of 

Physicians in the United States and the Official 

American Board of Medical Specialties Directory of 

Board Certified Medical Specialists are available 

at many libraries. These books don’t recommend 

individual doctors but they do provide a list of doctors 

you may want to consider. MedlinePlus, a website from 

the National Library of Medicine, has a comprehensive 

list of directories (www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/

directories.html) which may also be helpful.

There are plenty of other Internet resources too—

for example, you can find doctors through the American 

Medical Association’s website at www.ama-assn.org

(click on “Doctor Finder”). For a list of doctors who

participate in Medicare, visit www.medicare.gov (click 

on “Search Tools” then “Find a Doctor”). WebMD 

also provides a list of doctors at www.webmd.com

(click on “Find a Doctor”).

Don’t forget to call your local or State medical society 

to check if complaints have been filed against any of 

the doctors you are considering.

Learn more about the doctors you are considering —

Once you have narrowed your list to two or three 

doctors, call their offices. The office staff is a good 

source of information about the doctor’s education and 

qualifications, office policies, and payment procedures. 

Pay attention to the office staff—you will have to deal 

with them often! 

You may want to set up an appointment to meet and talk 

with a doctor you are considering. He or she is likely to 

charge you for such a visit. After the appointment, ask 

yourself whether this doctor is a person with whom you 

could work well. If you are not satisfied, schedule a visit 

with one of your other candidates. 

What Does “Board 

Certified” Mean? 

Doctors who are board 

certified have extra training 

after regular medical school. 

They also have passed 

an exam certifying their 

expertise in specialty areas. 

Examples of specialty areas 

are general internal medicine, 

family medicine, geriatrics, 

gynecology, and orthopedics. 

Board certification is one 

way to learn about a doctor’s 

medical expertise; it doesn’t 

tell you about the doctor’s 

communication skills.
Talking with Your Doctor 5 |

When learning about a doctor, consider asking questions like: 

• Do you have many older patients?

• How do you feel about involving my family in care decisions?

• Can I call or email you or your staff when I have questions? 

Do you charge for telephone or email time?

• What are your thoughts about complementary or alternative 

treatments? 

When making a decision about which doctor to choose, you might 

want to ask yourself questions like:

• Did the doctor give me a chance to ask questions?

• Was the doctor really listening to me?

• Could I understand what the doctor was saying? Was I 

comfortable asking him or her to say it again?

Make a choice — Once you’ve chosen a doctor, make your first 

actual health care appointment. This visit may include a medical 

history and a physical exam. Be sure to bring your medical records, 

or have them sent from your former doctor. Bring a list of your 

current medicines or put the medicines in a bag and take them 

with you. If you haven’t already met the doctor, ask for extra time 

during this visit to ask any questions you have about the doctor or 

the practice.

Summary: Choosing a Doctor You Can Talk To

• Decide what you are looking for in a doctor. 

• Identify several possible doctors. 

• Consult reference sources, including the Internet. 

• Talk to office staff to learn more about the doctors 

you are considering. 

• Make a choice.
Basics

• Is the doctor taking new patients?

• Is the doctor covered by my 

insurance plan? 

• Does the doctor accept Medicare?

Qualifications and Characteristics 

• Is the doctor board certified? 

In what field? 

• Is the age, sex, race, or religion 

of the doctor important?

• Will language be an obstacle 

to communication? Is there 

someone in the office who 

speaks my language?

• Do I prefer a group practice or 

an individual doctor? 

• Does it matter which hospital 

the doctor admits patients to?

Logistics

• Is the location of the doctor’s 

office important? How far am I 

willing to travel to see the doctor? 

• Is there parking? What does it 

cost? Is the office on a bus or 

subway line?

• Does the building have an 

elevator? What about ramps for 

a wheelchair or walker?

Office Policies

• What days/hours does the doctor 

see patients? 

• Are there times set aside for 

the doctor to take phone calls? 

Does the doctor accept emailed 

questions? Is there a charge for 

this service?

• Does the doctor ever make 

house calls? 

• How far in advance do I have to 

make appointments? 

• What’s the process for urgent 

care? How do I reach the doctor 

in an emergency?

• Who takes care of patients after 

hours or when the doctor is away?

What Do You Need to Know About a Doctor?

6 | Talking with Your Doctor

TIPS
Talking with Your Doctor 7 |

A

basic plan can help you make the most of your 

appointment whether you are starting with a 

new doctor or continuing with the doctor 

you’ve seen for years. The following tips will 

make it easier for you and your doctor to 

cover everything you need to talk about.

Make a list of your concerns and prioritize them —

Make a list of what you want to discuss. For 

example, do you have a new symptom you want to ask 

the doctor about? Do you want to get a flu shot? Are you 

concerned about how a treatment is affecting your daily life? 

If you have more than a few items to discuss, put them in 

order and ask about the most important ones first. Don’t put 

off the things that are really on your mind until the end of 

your appointment—bring them up right away!

Take information with you — Some doctors suggest you put all your 

prescription drugs, over-the-counter medicines, vitamins, and 

herbal remedies or supplements in a bag and bring them 

with you. Others recommend you bring a list of everything you 

take. You should also take your insurance cards, names, and 

phone numbers of other doctors you see, and your medical records 

if the doctor doesn’t already have them.

Make sure you can see and hear as well as possible — Many older 

people use glasses or need aids for hearing. Remember to take 

your eyeglasses to the doctor’s visit. If you have a hearing aid, 

make sure that it is working well and wear it. Let the doctor 

and staff know if you have a hard time seeing or hearing. For 

example, you may want to say: “My hearing makes it hard to 

understand everything you’re saying. It helps a lot when you 

speak slowly.”

how should i prepare?

 Getting Ready for 

 an Appointment
8 | Talking with Your Doctor

Consider bringing a family member or friend — 

Sometimes it is helpful to bring a family member 

or close friend with you. Let your family member or 

friend know in advance what you want from your 

visit. Your companion can remind you what you 

planned to discuss with the doctor if you forget, she 

or he can take notes for you, and can help you 

remember what the doctor said.

Find an interpreter if you know you’ll need one — If the 

doctor you selected or were referred to doesn’t speak 

your language, consider bringing an interpreter 

with you. Sometimes community groups can help 

find an interpreter. Or you can call the doctor’s office 

ahead of time to see if one can be provided for you. 

Sometimes doctors ask a staff member to help with 

interpretation. Even though some English-speaking 

doctors know basic medical terms in Spanish or 

other languages, you may feel more comfortable 

speaking in your own language, especially when 

it comes to sensitive subjects, such as sexuality or 

depression. 

You can also ask a family member who speaks 

English to go with you. If this is your choice, ask 

someone you trust; someone you feel comfortable 

learning about your symptoms or condition. Finally, 

let the doctor, your interpreter, or the staff know 

if you do not understand your diagnosis or the 

instructions the doctor gives you. Don’t let language 

barriers stop you from asking questions or voicing 

your concerns.

Plan to update the doctor — Let your doctor know 

what has happened in your life since your last visit. 

If you have been treated in the emergency room or 

by a specialist, tell the doctor right away. Mention 

any changes you have noticed in your appetite, 

weight, sleep, or energy level. Also tell the doctor 

about any recent changes in any medications you 

take or the effects they have had on you. A helpful 

checklist is included at the back of this booklet (pg. 43).

Resources in Spanish

If you are looking for written 

information in Spanish there 

are an increasing number of 

resources that can help. For 

example, the National Institute 

on Aging (NIA) has translated 

many of its Age Pages, short 

fact sheets on a wide variety of 

topics. Other resources from NIA 

include a Spanish translation of 

this booklet (called Conversando 

con su Medicó) and an exercise 

book (called El Ejercicio y su 

Salud). To get copies of these 

free publications you can call 

1-800-222-2225; or order 

them online at www.nia.nih.gov/

HealthInformation or www.nia.nih.

gov/Espanol.
Talking with Your Doctor 9 |

Summary: Getting Ready for an Appointment 

• Be prepared: make a list of concerns. 

• Take information with you.

• Make sure you can see and hear as well as possible. 

• Consider bringing a family member or friend. 

• Find an interpreter if you know you’ll need one.

• Plan to update the doctor on what has happened since 

your last visit.

• Look for an interpreter through 

community or neighborhood 

associations, the doctor’s office 

staff, and your own network of 

friends and family.

• If possible, select someone 

with whom you will feel 

comfortable if they learn about 

your symptoms or condition. For 

example, you may not want to 

ask your children to interpret a 

conversation on sexuality.

• Consider telling your interpreter 

what you want to talk about 

with your doctor before the 

appointment.

• If your language is Spanish 

and your interpreter does not 

come from the same country 

or background as you, use 

universal Spanish terms to 

describe your symptoms.

• Make sure your interpreter 

understands your symptoms 

or condition before he or she 

conveys your message to the 

doctor. You don’t want the 

doctor to prescribe the wrong 

medication!

• Don’t be afraid to let your 

interpreter know if you did 

not understand something 

that was said, even if you 

need to ask that it be 

repeated several times.

Finding and Using an Interpreter
10 | Talking with Your Doctor

Your first meeting is a good time to talk 

with the doctor and the office staff 

about some communication basics.

• First name or last name — 

When you see the doctor 

and office staff, introduce 

yourself and let them 

know by what name you 

like to be called. For 

example: “Hello, my name 

is Mrs. Jones.” or “Good 

morning, my name is Bob 

Smith. Please call me Bob.”

• Ask how the office runs — 

Learn what days are busiest 

and what times are best to call. 

Ask what to do if there is 

an emergency, or if you need 

a doctor when the office 

is closed.

• Share your medical history — 

Tell the doctor about your 

illnesses, operations, medical 

conditions, and other doctors you 

see. You may want to ask the 

doctor to send you a copy of 

the medical history form before 

your visit so you can fill it 

out at home where you 

have the time and 

information you need 

to complete it. If 

you have problems

understanding how 

to fill out any of the 

forms, ask for help. 

Some community 

organizations provide 

this kind of help.

• Share former doctors’ 

names — Give the new 

doctor all of your former

doctors’ names and 

addresses, especially if they 

are in a different city. This 

is to help your new doctor 

get copies of your medical 

records. Your doctor will 

ask you to sign a medical 

release form giving him or 

her permission to request 

your records.

Getting Started With a New Doctor

TIPS
Talking with Your Doctor 11 |

T

alking about your health means sharing 

information about how you feel physically, 

emotionally, and mentally. Knowing how 

to describe your symptoms and bring up other 

concerns will help you become a partner in your 

health care. A helpful checklist is included at 

the back of this booklet (pg. 40). 

Share any symptoms — A symptom is evidence of 

a disease or disorder in the body. Examples of 

symptoms include pain, fever, a lump or bump, 

unexplained weight loss or gain, or having a 

hard time sleeping. 

Be clear and concise when describing your 

symptoms. Your description helps the doctor 

identify the problem. A physical exam and 

medical tests provide valuable information, 

but it is your symptoms that point the doctor 

in the right direction. 

Questions to ask yourself about your symptoms:

• What exactly are my symptoms? 

• Are the symptoms constant? If not, when do 

I experience them?

• Does anything I do make the symptoms better? Or worse? 

• Do the symptoms affect my daily activities? Which ones? 

How? 

Your doctor will ask when your symptoms started, what time of 

day they happen, how long they last (seconds? days?), how often 

they occur, if they seem to be getting worse or better, and if they 

keep you from going out or doing your usual activities. 

?

What Can I Say?

 Giving Information
12 | Talking with Your Doctor 

Take the time to make some notes about your symptoms before 

you call or visit the doctor. Worrying about your symptoms is not 

a sign of weakness. Being honest about what you are experiencing 

doesn’t mean that you are complaining. The doctor needs to know 

how you feel.

Give information about your medications — It is possible for medicines 

to interact causing unpleasant and sometimes dangerous side 

effects. Your doctor needs to know about ALL of the medicines you 

take, including over-the-counter (nonprescription) drugs and herbal 

remedies or supplements, so bring everything with you to your 

visit—don’t forget about eye drops, vitamins, and laxatives. Tell 

the doctor how often you take each. Describe any drug allergies or 

reactions you have had. Say which medications work best for you. Be 

sure your doctor has the phone number of the pharmacy you use.

Tell the doctor about your habits — To provide the best care, your 

doctor must understand you as a person and know what your life 

is like. The doctor may ask about where you live, what you eat, 

how you sleep, what you do each day, what activities you enjoy, 

what your sex life is like, and if you smoke or drink. Be open and 

honest with your doctor. It will help him or her to understand your 

medical conditions fully and recommend the best treatment choices 

for you.

Voice other concerns — Your doctor may ask you how your life is 

going. This isn’t being impolite or nosy. Information about what’s 

happening in your life may be useful medically. Let the doctor 

know about any major changes or stresses in your life, such as a 

divorce or the death of a loved one. You don’t have to go into detail; 

you may want to say something like: “It might be helpful for you to 

know that my sister passed away since my last visit with you.” or

“I recently had to sell my home and move in with my daughter.” 

Summary: Giving Information 

• Share any symptoms. 

• Give information about your medications. 

• Tell the doctor about your habits.

• Voice other concerns. 
13 | Talking with Your Doctor

TIPS

Making Good Use of Your Time

Talking with Your Doctor 13 |

Be honest — It is tempting to say 

what you think the doctor wants 

to hear: for example, that you 

smoke less or eat a more balanced 

diet than you really do. While this 

is natural, it’s not in your best 

interest. Your doctor can suggest 

the best treatment only if you 

say what is really going on. For 

instance, you might say: “I have 

been trying to quit smoking, as 

you recommended, but I am not 

making much headway.”

Decide what questions are most 

important — Pick three or four 

questions or concerns that you 

most want to talk about with the 

doctor. You can tell him or her 

what they are at the beginning 

of the appointment, and then 

discuss each in turn. If you have 

time, you can then go on to other 

questions.

Stick to the point — Although 

your doctor might like to 

talk with you at length, 

each patient is given 

a limited amount of 

time. To make the best 

use of your time, stick to 

the point. For instance, give 

the doctor a brief description 

of the symptom, when it started, 

how often it happens, and if it is 

getting worse or better. 

Share your point of view about the 

visit — Tell the doctor if you feel 

rushed, worried, or uncomfortable. 

If necessary, you can offer to return 

for a second visit to discuss your 

concerns. Try to voice your feelings 

in a positive way. For example, 

you could say something like:

“I know you have many patients 

to see, but I’m really worried about 

this. I’d feel much better if we could 

talk about it a little more.”

Remember, the doctor may not be 

able to answer all your questions —

Even the best doctor may be 

unable to answer some questions. 

Most doctors will tell you when 

they don’t have 

answers. They also 

may help you find 

the information 

you need or refer 

you to a specialist. 

If a doctor regularly 

brushes off your 

questions or symptoms 

as simply a part of aging, 

think about looking for 

another doctor.
14 | Talking with Your Doctor

A

sking questions is key to good communication 

with your doctor. If you don’t ask questions, he or 

she may assume you already know the answer 

or that you don’t want more information. Don’t wait 

for the doctor to raise a specific question or subject 

because he or she may not know it’s important to you. 

Be proactive. Ask questions when you don’t know the 

meaning of a word (like aneurysm, hypertension, or 

infarct) or when instructions aren’t clear (for example, 

does taking medicine with food mean before, during, 

or after a meal?). 

Learn about medical tests — Sometimes doctors need 

to do blood tests, x rays, or other procedures to 

find out what is wrong or to learn more about your 

medical condition. Some tests, such as Pap smears, 

mammograms, glaucoma tests, and screenings for 

prostate and colorectal cancer, are done regularly to 

check for hidden medical problems.

Before having a medical test, ask your doctor to 

explain why it is important, what it will show, and 

what it will cost. Ask what kind of things you need 

to do to prepare for the test. For example, you may 

need to have an empty stomach, or you may have to provide a urine 

sample. Ask how you will be notified of the test results and how long 

they will take to come in.

Questions to ask about medical tests:

• Why is the test being done?

• What steps does the test involve? How should I get ready? 

• Are there any dangers or side effects? 

• How will I find out the results? How long will it take to get 

the results? 

• What will we know after the test?

What Can I Ask?

 Getting Information

?
Talking with Your Doctor 15 |

When the results are ready, make sure the doctor tells 

you what they are and explains what they mean. You 

may want to ask your doctor for a written copy of the 

test results. If the test is done by a specialist, ask to 

have the results sent to your primary doctor. 

Discuss your diagnosis and what you can expect — 

A diagnosis identifies your disease or physical 

problem. The doctor makes a diagnosis based on the 

symptoms you are experiencing and the results of 

the physical exam, laboratory work, and other tests. 

If you understand your medical condition, you can 

help make better decisions about treatment. If you 

know what to expect, it may be easier for you to deal 

with the condition.

Ask the doctor to tell you the name of the condition 

and why he or she thinks you have it. Ask how it 

may affect you and how long it might last. Some 

medical problems never go away completely. They 

can’t be cured, but they can be treated or managed.

Questions to ask about your diagnosis:

• What may have caused this condition? 

Will it be permanent? 

• How is this condition treated or managed? 

What will be the long-term effects on my life? 

• How can I learn more about my condition? 

Find out about your medications — Your doctor may 

prescribe a drug for your condition. Make sure you 

know the name of the drug and understand why it 

has been prescribed for you. Ask the doctor to write 

down how often and for how long you should take it. 

Make notes about any other special instructions. 

There may be foods or drinks you should avoid 

while you are taking the medicine. Or you may have 

to take the medicine with food or a whole glass of 

water. If you are taking other medications, make 

sure your doctor knows, so he or she can prevent 

harmful drug interactions. 

Can I Find Information 

About Medical Tests 

Online?

Yes—there is a lot of information 

on the Internet about medical 

tests. The National Library 

of Medicine’s MedlinePlus 

website provides links to many 

trustworthy resources. Visit 

www.medlineplus.gov and enter 

“laboratory tests” in the search 

window at the top of the page. 

Then, select the link that applies 

to your situation. You can get 

information on preparing for lab 

tests, explanations of different 

tests, and tips on interpreting lab 

test results. ?
16 | Talking with Your Doctor

Sometimes medicines affect older people differently 

than younger people. Let the doctor know if your 

medicine doesn’t seem to be working or if it is 

causing problems. It is best not to stop taking the 

medicine on your own. If you want to stop taking 

your medicine, check with your doctor first. 

If another doctor (for example, a specialist) prescribes 

a medication for you, call your primary doctor’s office 

and leave a message letting him or her know. Also 

call to check with your doctor’s office before taking 

any over-the-counter medications. You may find it 

helpful to keep a chart of all the medicines you take 

and when you take them. A sample chart is included 

at the back of this booklet (pg. 43).

The pharmacist is also a good source of information 

about your medicines. In addition to answering 

questions and helping you select over-the-counter 

medications, the pharmacist keeps records of all 

the prescriptions you get filled at that pharmacy. 

Because your pharmacist keeps these records, it 

is helpful to use the same store regularly. At your 

request, the pharmacist can fill your prescriptions in 

easy-to-open containers and may be able to provide 

large-print prescription labels. 

Questions to ask about medications:

• What are the common side effects? What 

should I pay attention to? 

• When will the medicine begin to work?

• What should I do if I miss a dose?

• Should I take it at meals or between 

meals? Do I need to drink a whole glass 

of water with it?

• Are there foods, drugs, or activities I 

should avoid while taking this medicine? 

• Will I need a refill? How do I arrange that?

?

What Are Side 

Effects?

“My headache prescription 

always makes me sleepy.” 

“Aunt Sarah’s cough syrup 

caused a rash.” 

Unwanted or unexpected 

symptoms or feelings that 

happen when you take a 

medicine are called side 

effects. 

Some side effects happen 

just when you start taking a 

medicine. Some happen only 

once in a while and you learn 

how to manage them. But 

other side effects may make 

you want to stop taking the 

medicine. Tell your doctor 

if this happens. He or she 

may be able to prescribe a 

different medicine or help you 

deal with these side effects in 

other ways.
Talking with Your Doctor 17 |

Understand your prescriptions — When the doctor writes you a prescription, 

it is important that you are able to read and understand the directions for 

taking the medication. Doctors and pharmacists often use abbreviations 

or terms that may not be familiar. Here is an explanation of some of the 

most common abbreviations you will see on the labels of your prescription 

medications: 

p.r.n. as needed a.c. before meals

q.d. every day p.c. after meals

b.i.d. twice a day h.s. at bedtime

t.i.d. three times a day p.o. by mouth

q.i.d. four times a day ea. each

If you have questions about your prescription or how you should take the 

medicine, ask your doctor or pharmacist. If you do not understand the 

directions, make sure you ask someone to explain them. It is important to 

take the medicine as directed by your doctor.

Keeping a record of the medications you take and the instructions for 

taking them can help you get the most benefit from them. A worksheet 

like the one at the back of this booklet can help (pg. 43).

Summary: Getting Information 

• Learn about medical tests.

• Discuss your diagnosis and what you can expect.

• Find out about your medications.

• Understand your prescriptions. 
No matter what your age, it’s easy to 

forget a lot of what your doctor says. 

Even if you are comfortable talking 

with your doctor, you may not always 

understand what he or she says. So, 

as your doctor gives you information, 

it’s a good idea to check that you are 

following along. Ask about anything 

that does not seem clear. For instance, 

you might say: “I want to make sure I 

understand. Could you explain that a 

little more?” or “I did not understand 

that word. What does it mean?”

Another way to check is to repeat 

what you think the doctor means 

in your own words and ask, “Is this 

correct?” Here are some other ideas 

to help make sure you have all the 

information you need.

Take notes — Take along a notepad 

and pencil and write down the main 

points, or ask the doctor to write 

them down for you. If you can’t 

write while the doctor is talking 

to you, make notes in the waiting 

room after the visit. Or, bring a 

tape recorder along, and (with the 

doctor’s permission) record what is 

said. Recording is especially helpful 

if you want to share the details of 

the visit with others. 

Get written or recorded materials — Ask 

if your doctor has any brochures, 

DVDs, CDs, cassettes, or videotapes 

about your health conditions or 

treatments. For example, if your 

doctor says that your blood pressure 

is high, he or she may give you 

brochures explaining what causes 

high blood pressure and what you 

can do about it. Ask the doctor to 

recommend other sources, such as 

websites, public libraries, nonprofit 

organizations, and government 

agencies that may have written or 

recorded information you can use. 

Talk to other members of the health 

care team — Sometimes the doctor 

may want you to talk with other 

health professionals who can help 

you understand and carry out the 

decisions about how to manage 

your condition. Nurses, physician 

assistants, pharmacists, and 

occupational or physical therapists 

may be able to take more time with 

you than the doctor.

Call or email the doctor — If you 

are uncertain about the doctor’s 

instructions after you get home, 

call the office. A nurse or other staff 

member can check with the doctor 

and call you back. You could ask 

whether the doctor, or other health 

professional you have talked to, has 

an email address you can use to 

send questions.

Helping You Remember

TIPS

18 | Talking with Your Doctor
Talking with Your Doctor 19 |

Giving and getting information are two 

important steps in talking with your 

doctor. The third big step is making 

decisions about your care.

Ask about different treatments — You will benefit 

most from a treatment when you know what is 

happening and are involved in making decisions. 

Make sure you understand what your treatment 

involves and what it will or will not do. Have the 

doctor give you directions in writing and feel 

free to ask questions. For example: “What are 

the pros and cons of having surgery at this 

stage?” or “Do I have any other choices?”

If your doctor suggests a treatment that 

makes you uncomfortable, ask if there 

are other treatments that might work. 

If cost is a concern, ask the doctor if less 

expensive choices are available. The doctor 

can work with you to develop a treatment 

plan that meets your needs. 

Here are some things to remember when 

deciding on a treatment:

• Discuss choices. There are different ways to manage many 

health conditions, especially chronic conditions like high blood 

pressure and cholesterol. Ask what your options are.

• Discuss risks and benefits. Once you know your options, 

ask about the pros and cons of each one. Find out what side 

effects might occur, how long the treatment would continue, 

and how likely it is that the treatment will work for you.

How Can I Be Involved?

 Making Decisions With Your Doctor
20 | Talking with Your Doctor

• Consider your own values and circumstances. When 

thinking about the pros and cons of a treatment, 

don’t forget to consider its impact on your overall 

life. For instance, will one of the side effects 

interfere with a regular activity that means a lot 

to you? Is one treatment choice expensive and not 

covered by your insurance? Doctors need to know 

about these practical matters and can work with 

you to develop a treatment plan that meets your 

needs.

Ask about prevention — Doctors and other health 

professionals may suggest you change your diet, 

activity level, or other aspects of your life to help you 

deal with medical conditions. Research has shown 

that these changes, particularly an increase in 

exercise, have positive effects on overall health. 

Until recently, preventing disease in older people 

received little attention. But things are changing. 

We now know that it’s never too late to stop 

smoking, improve your diet, or start exercising. 

Getting regular checkups and seeing other health 

professionals such as dentists and eye specialists 

helps promote good health. Even people who have 

chronic diseases, like arthritis or diabetes, can 

prevent further disability and, in some cases, control 

the progress of the disease.

If a certain disease or health condition runs in 

your family, ask your doctor if there are steps you 

can take to help prevent it. If you have a chronic 

condition, ask how you can manage it and if there 

are things you can do to prevent it from getting 

worse. If you want to discuss health and disease 

prevention with your doctor, say so when you make 

your next appointment. This lets the doctor plan to 

spend more time with you. 

Talking About Exercise 

Exercise is often “just what the 

doctor ordered!” Exercise can:

• Help older people feel better 

and enjoy life more—even 

those who think they’re too old 

or too out of shape.

• Improve some diseases and 

disabilities, such as high blood 

pressure and arthritis, in older 

people who already have them.

• Improve mood and relieve 

depression.

• Help prevent or delay certain 

diseases (like heart disease, 

diabetes, or some types of 

cancer) and disabilities as 

people grow older.

• Help prevent falls.

Many doctors now recommend 

that older people try to make 

exercise a part of everyday life. 

When you are making your list 

of things to talk about with 

your doctor, add exercise. Ask 

whether exercise would benefit 

you, whether there are any 

exercises you should avoid, 

and whether your doctor can 

recommend any specific kinds 

of exercise. 
Talking with Your Doctor 21 |

Get started exercising the right 

way with the NIA’s exercise 

book and video, developed 

specifically for older people. 

See how to start and stick 

with a safe, effective program 

of stretching, balance, and 

strength-training exercises. Call 

1-800-222-2225 (toll-free) 

or visit www.nia.nih.gov/

HealthInformation to order 

your copy.

It is just as important to talk with your doctor about 

lifestyle changes as it is to talk about treatment. For 

example: “I know that you’ve told me to eat more dairy 

products, but they really disagree with me. Is there 

something else I could eat instead?” or “Maybe an exercise 

class would help, but I have no way to get to the senior 

center. Is there something else you could suggest?”

Just as with treatments, consider all the alternatives, 

look at pros and cons, and remember to take into account 

your own point of view. Tell your doctor if you feel his 

or her suggestions won’t work for you and explain why. 

Keep talking with your doctor to come up with a plan 

that works.

Summary: Making Decisions With Your Doctor

Ask about different treatments: 

• Are there any risks associated with the treatment? 

• How soon should treatment start? How long will 

it last? 

• Are there other treatments available? 

• How much will the treatment cost? Will my 

insurance cover it? 

Ask about prevention:

• Is there any way to prevent a condition that 

runs in my family—before it affects me?

• Are there ways to keep my condition from 

getting worse?

• How will making a change in my habits help me?

• Are there any risks in making this change?

• Are there support groups or community services 

that might help me?
TIPS

22 | Talking with Your Doctor

Many people search the Internet 

to find information about medical 

problems and health issues. However, 

not all health information on the 

web is of equal quality. How do you 

find websites that are accurate and 

reliable? The following questions 

may be useful to consider when you 

look at a health-related website. 

• Who is responsible for the 

content? Is it a government 

agency, national nonprofit 

organization, or professional 

association? An individual? A 

commercial organization?

• If you are reading a particular 

article, what are the author’s 

credentials? Is the author 

affiliated with any major 

medical institutions? 

• Who reviews the material? Is 

there a medical advisory board 

that reads the medical content 

before it is made available to the 

public?

• Are sources cited for the 

statistical information? For 

example, it’s easy enough to say 

“4 out of 5 doctors agree...” but 

where did that statistic come 

from?

• Is the purpose and goal of the 

sponsoring organization clearly 

stated? 

• Is there a way to contact the 

sponsor for more information or 

to verify information presented? 

• Is the site supported by public 

funds or donations? If it includes 

advertisements, are they separate 

from content? 

• Because health information gets 

outdated so quickly, does the 

website post the source and date 

for the information? 

• If you have to register, is it clear 

how your personal information 

will be used? Does the site have 

a clear privacy policy?

• Is the website trying to sell you 

something?

Don’t forget to talk with your doctor 

about what you’ve learned online.

Evaluating Health Information on the Internet
Talking with Your Doctor 23 |

Asking More Questions: 

 Talking to Doctors in Special Situations

If you need to see a specialist — Your doctor may send you to 

a specialist for further evaluation, or you may request to see 

a specialist yourself. It’s likely that your insurance plan will 

require you to have a referral from your primary doctor.

A visit to the specialist may be short. Often, the specialist 

already has seen your medical records or test results and is 

familiar with your case. If you are unclear about what the 

specialist tells you, ask questions. 

For example, if the specialist says that you have a medical 

condition that you aren’t familiar with, you may want to 

say something like: “I don’t know very much about that 

condition. Could you explain what it is and how it might 

affect me?” or “I’ve heard that is a painful problem. 

What can be done to prevent or manage the pain?” 

You also may ask for written materials to read, or you can 

call your primary doctor to clarify anything you haven’t 

understood.

Ask the specialist to send information about any further 

diagnosis or treatment to your primary doctor. This allows 

your primary doctor to keep track of your medical care. You 

also should let your primary doctor know at your next visit 

how well any treatments or medications the specialist 

recommended are working. 

Questions to ask your specialist: 

• What is your diagnosis? 

• What treatment do you recommend? How soon do 

I need to begin the new treatment? 

• Will you discuss my care with my primary doctor? 

?
If you need to have surgery — In some cases, surgery may be the 

best treatment for your condition. If so, your doctor will refer you to 

a surgeon. Knowing more about the operation will help you make 

an informed decision about how to proceed. It also will help you get 

ready for the surgery, which makes for a better recovery. 

Ask the surgeon to explain what will be done during the operation 

and what reading material, videotapes, or websites you can look at 

before the operation. 

Find out if you will have to stay overnight in the hospital or if the 

surgery can be done on an outpatient basis. Will you need someone 

to drive you home? Minor surgeries that don’t require an overnight 

stay can sometimes be done at medical centers called ambulatory 

surgical centers.

Questions to ask your surgeon: 

• What is the success rate of the operation? How many of 

these operations have you done successfully? 

• What problems occur with this surgery? What kind of pain 

or discomfort can I expect? 

• What kind of anesthesia will I have? Are there any risks 

associated with it for older people?

• Will I have to stay in the hospital overnight? How long is 

recovery expected to take? What does it involve? When can 

I get back to my normal routine?

24 | Talking with Your Doctor

?
Talking with Your Doctor 25 |

If you are hospitalized — If you have to go to the 

hospital, some extra guidelines may help you. First, 

most hospitals have a daily schedule. Knowing 

the hospital routine can make your stay more 

comfortable. Find out how much choice you have 

about your daily routine and express any preferences 

you have about your schedule. Doctors generally 

visit patients during specific times each day. Find 

out when the doctor is likely to visit so you can have 

your questions ready. 

In the hospital, your primary doctor and various 

medical specialists, as well as nurses and other 

health professionals, may examine you. If you are 

in a teaching hospital, doctors-in-training known as 

medical students, interns, residents, or fellows, also 

may examine you. Many of these doctors-in-training 

already have a lot of knowledge and experience. They 

may be able to take more time to talk with you than 

other staff. Nurses also can be an important source of 

information, especially since you will see them often.

Questions to ask medical staff in the hospital:

• How long can I expect to be in the hospital?

• When will I see my doctor? What doctors and 

health professionals will I see?

• What is the daily routine in this part of the 

hospital?

If you go to the emergency room — A visit to the 

emergency room is always stressful. It may go more 

smoothly if you can take along the following items: 

• Your health insurance card or policy number.

• A list of your medications.

• A list of your medical problems. 

• The names and phone numbers of your doctor 

and one or two family members or close friends.

Some people find it helpful to keep this information 

on a card in their wallet or purse at all times.

?

Seeking a 

Second Opinion 

When surgery is recommended, 

patients often seek a second 

opinion. In fact, your insurance 

plan may require it. Doctors 

are used to this practice, and 

most will not be insulted by 

your request for a second 

opinion. Your doctor may 

even be able to suggest other 

doctors who can review your 

case. Hearing the views of two 

different doctors can help you 

decide what’s best for you. 

If a second opinion isn’t 

required, think carefully 

about why you want it. Is the 

second opinion only because 

you don’t really understand 

what your primary doctor is 

recommending or why? If so, 

you may want to try discussing 

your concerns with your doctor 

again. Always remember to 

check with your insurance 

provider in advance to find out 

whether a second opinion is 

covered under your policy, if 

there are restrictions to which 

doctors you can see, and if 

you need a referral form from 

your primary doctor.
26 | Talking with Your Doctor

Depending on the problem, you may have a long wait in the 

emergency room. Consider taking things to make the wait 

more comfortable, such as something to read or a sweater 

in case the room is cold.

While in the emergency room, ask questions if you don’t 

understand tests or procedures that are being done. Before 

leaving, make sure you understand what the doctor told 

you or ask for written instructions. For example, if you have 

bandages that need changing, be sure you understand how 

and when it should be done. Tell your primary doctor as 

soon as possible about your visit to the emergency room.

Questions to ask medical staff in the emergency room:

• Will you talk to my primary doctor about my care? 

• Do I need to arrange any further care? 

• May I get instructions for further care in writing? 

• Is there someone here who speaks my language 

and can explain the instructions?

Summary: Talking to Doctors in Special Situations

• Ask questions if you are unclear.

• Try to write down as much information as possible.

• Tell your primary care doctor if you see a specialist, 

need surgery, or have gone to the emergency room.

?
Talking with Your Doctor 27 |

to Change the Subject:

 Practical Matters

I

t helps the doctor—and you—if he or she 

knows about the non-medical parts of your 

life. Where you live, how you get around, 

what activities are important to you: these 

are all things that can make a difference in 

decisions about your health care. The following 

are some examples of practical matters you 

might want to discuss with your doctor. For 

more information and resources on these 

topics, see the section on additional resources 

included at the end of this booklet. 

Planning for care in the event of a serious 

illness — You may have some concerns or 

wishes about your care if you become seriously 

ill. If you have questions about what choices 

you have, ask your doctor. You can specify your 

desires through documents called advance 

directives, such as a living will or healthcare 

proxy (pg. 29). One way to bring up the subject 

is to say: “I’m worried about what would happen 

in the hospital if I were very sick and not likely to get 

better. Can you tell me what generally happens in that case?”

In general, the best time to talk with your doctor about these 

issues is when you are still relatively healthy. If you are admitted 

to the hospital or a nursing home, a nurse or other staff member 

may ask if you have any advance directives. 

Driving — Driving is an important part of everyday life for many 

people and making the decision to stop driving can be very 

difficult. Tell your doctor if you or people close to you are concerned 

about your driving and why. He or she can go over your medical 

conditions and medications to see if there are treatable problems 

that may be contributing to driving difficulties. Vision and memory 

tests are important. The doctor also may be able to suggest a 

driver’s education refresher class designed for older drivers.
28 | Talking with Your Doctor

Moving to assisted living — Another hard decision 

that many older people face is whether or not to move 

to a place where they can have more help—often an 

assisted living facility. If you are considering such a 

move, your doctor can help you weigh the pros and 

cons based on your health and other circumstances. 

He or she may be able to refer you to a social worker 

or a local agency that can help in finding an assisted 

living facility. 

Paying for medications — Don’t hesitate to ask the 

doctor about the cost of your medications. If they 

are too expensive for you, the doctor may be able 

to suggest less expensive alternatives. If the doctor 

does not know the cost, ask the pharmacist before 

filling the prescription. Then call your doctor and 

ask if there is a generic or other less expensive 

choice. You could say, for instance: “It turns out that 

this medicine is too expensive for me. Is there another 

one or a generic drug that would cost less?”

Your doctor may also be able to refer you to a 

medical assistance program that can help with 

drug costs.

Summary: Practical Matters

• Don’t hesitate to bring up concerns, even if they 

don’t seem directly related to a medical condition.

• You and your doctor can make better decisions 

together if the doctor knows about your troubling 

non-medical concerns.

• If the doctor can’t help solve your non-medical 

problems, he or she may be able to refer you to 

other resources that can help.

Medicare Prescription 

Drug Plans

Medicare prescription drug 

coverage is available to people 

with Medicare. For information 

call 1-800-MEDICARE 

(1-800-633-4227) or visit 

the Medicare website at 

www.medicare.gov.
TIPS

Advance Directives

Talking with Your Doctor 29 |

Advance directives allow you to say 

what you’d prefer if you are too ill 

to make your wishes known. There 

are two main kinds:

Living wills — A living will describes 

your decisions for medical treatment 

at the end of life. Living wills 

typically refer to life-prolonging 

treatment when death is imminent.

Healthcare proxies — Also known 

as a medical or health care power 

of attorney, a healthcare proxy 

is more detailed than a living 

will. It allows you to appoint 

the person or persons you 

trust to make health 

decisions for you if you 

cannot. It also allows for 

more detailed advance 

care planning, letting 

you state your wishes 

about resuscitation, 

feeding tubes, antibiotics, 

hospital transfers, 

respirators, and more.

Because the healthcare proxy 

involves more decisions, you may 

want to talk to your doctor about 

various options for care. For 

instance, many people would be 

willing to try a feeding tube or 

a ventilator for a while, but then 

would want it to be stopped if their 

condition did not improve. Also talk 

to family members and the person 

you have appointed as your proxy 

to be sure they understand your 

wishes.

Advance care directives 

are legally valid 

everywhere in the 

United States, but 

laws concerning them 

vary from State to 

State. Forms approved 

for the State you live 

in are available 

from many different 

health care organizations 

and institutions.
30 | Talking with Your Doctor

Can I Really Talk About That?

 Discussing Sensitive Subjects

Much of the communication between doctor and patient 

is personal. To have a good partnership with your 

doctor, it is important to talk about sensitive subjects, 

like sex or memory problems, even if you are embarrassed 

or uncomfortable. Most doctors are used to talking about 

personal matters and will try to ease your discomfort. Keep 

in mind that these topics concern many older people. For 

more information, see the section on additional resources at 

the end of this booklet (pg. 35). You might find that using 

booklets from these organizations can help you bring up 

sensitive subjects when talking with your doctor.

It is important to understand that problems with memory, 

depression, sexual function, and incontinence are not 

necessarily normal parts of aging. A good doctor will take 

your concerns about these topics seriously and not brush 

them off as being “normal.” If you think your doctor isn’t 

taking your concerns seriously, talk to him or her about your 

feelings or consider looking for a new doctor.

Alcohol — Anyone at any age can have a drinking problem. 

Alcohol can have a greater effect as a person grows older 

because the aging process affects how the body handles alcohol. 

Someone whose drinking habits haven’t changed may find over 

time that he or she has a problem. People can also develop a 

drinking problem later in life due to major life changes like the 

death of loved ones. In fact, depression in older adults often goes 

along with alcohol misuse. Talk to your doctor if you think you 

may be developing a drinking problem. You could say: “Lately 

I’ve been wanting to have a drink earlier and earlier in the 

afternoon and I find it’s getting harder to stop after just one or 

two. What kind of treatments could help with this?”

Falling and fear of falling — A fall can be a serious event, often 

leading to injury and loss of independence, at least for a while. 

For this reason, many older people develop a fear of falling. 
Talking with Your Doctor 31 |

Studies show that fear of falling can keep people from 

going about their normal activities, and as a result 

they may become frailer, which actually increases their 

risk of falling again. If fear of falling is affecting your 

day-to-day life, let your doctor know. He or she may be 

able to recommend some things to do to reduce your 

chances of falling. Exercises can help you improve your 

balance and strengthen your muscles, at any age. 

Feeling unhappy with your doctor — Misunderstandings 

can come up in any relationship, including between 

a patient and doctor or the doctor’s staff. If you feel 

uncomfortable with something your doctor or his or 

her staff has said or done, be direct. For example, if 

the doctor does not return your telephone calls, you 

may want to say something like this: “I realize that 

you care for a lot of patients and are very busy, but I 

feel frustrated when I have to wait for days for you to 

return my call. Is there a way we can work together 

to improve this?” 

Being honest is much better for your health than avoiding the doctor. 

If you have a long-standing relationship with your doctor, working out 

the problem may be more useful than looking for a new doctor.

Grief, mourning, and depression — As people grow older, they 

may lose significant people in their lives, including spouses and 

cherished friends. Or they may have to move away from home or 

give up favorite activities. A doctor who knows about your losses is 

better able to understand how you are feeling. He or she can make 

suggestions that may be helpful to you. 

Although it is normal to mourn when you have a loss, later life 

does not have to be a time of ongoing sadness. If you feel sad all the 

time or for more than a few weeks, let your doctor know. Also tell 

your doctor about symptoms such as lack of energy, poor appetite, 
32 | Talking with Your Doctor

trouble sleeping, or little interest in life. These could 

be signs of depression, which is a medical condition. 

Depression may be common, especially when people 

experience losses, but it is also treatable. It should not 

be considered “normal” at any age. Let your doctor 

know about your feelings and ask about treatment.

HIV/AIDS — The death of a spouse, divorce, or 

separation can lead some older people to find 

themselves dating again and possibly having sex 

with a new partner. It’s a good idea to talk to your 

doctor about how safe sex can reduce your risk of 

sexually transmitted diseases such as HIV/AIDS. 

It’s important to practice safe sex, no matter what 

your age.

Incontinence — Older people sometimes have 

problems controlling their bladder. This is called 

urinary incontinence and it can often be treated. 

Depending on the type of incontinence you have, 

the doctor may recommend exercises, suggest 

helpful ways to change your habits, prescribe useful 

medications, or advise surgery. If you have trouble 

controlling your bladder or bowels, it is important to 

let the doctor know. To bring up the topic, you could 

say something like: “Since my last visit there have 

been several times that I couldn’t control my bladder.” 

Memory problems — Many older people worry about 

their ability to think and remember. For most older 

adults, thinking and memory remain relatively intact 

in later years. However, if you or your family notice that 

you are having problems remembering recent events or 

thinking clearly, let your doctor know. Be specific about 

the changes you’ve noticed; for example, you could say: 

“I’ve always been able to balance my checkbook without 

any problems, but lately I’m very confused.” Your doctor 

will probably want you to have a thorough checkup to 

see what might be causing your symptoms. In many 

cases, memory problems are caused by conditions such 

as depression or infection, or they may be a side effect 

of medication. Sometimes, the problem is Alzheimer’s 

disease (AD). With a careful history, physical exam, 

Free Information

If you are worried about 

Alzheimer’s disease (AD) you 

can contact the NIA-funded 

Alzheimer’s Disease Education 

and Referral Center (ADEAR)—

a comprehensive source of 

information about AD. ADEAR 

staff can:

• Answer specific questions 

about AD.

• Send free publications.

• Refer callers to local 

resources.

• Provide information about 

clinical trials.

• Conduct literature database 

searches.

Call toll-free 1-800-438-4380 

or visit the ADEAR website at 

www.nia.nih.gov/Alzheimers. 
Talking with Your Doctor 33 |

medical tests, and tests of memory and problem solving, specialists 

can diagnose AD with a high degree of accuracy. Determining the 

cause of memory problems is important to help the doctor, patient, and 

family choose the best plan of care. Although there is no cure for AD, 

medicines can help for a while, especially in the early stages of the 

disease. Medications also can ease serious behavioral symptoms such 

as agitation, anxiety, and depression. Support groups and education are 

important and can help patients and caregivers. 

Problems with family — Even strong and loving families can have 

problems, especially under the stress of illness. Although family 

problems can be painful to discuss, talking about them can help 

your doctor help you. Your doctor may be able to suggest steps to 

improve the situation for you and other family members. 

If you feel that a family member or caregiver is taking advantage 

of you or mistreating you, let your doctor know. Some older people 

are subjected to abuse by family members or others. Abuse can 

be physical, verbal, psychological, or even financial in nature. 

Your doctor may be able to provide resources or referrals to other 

services that can help if you are being mistreated. 

Sexuality — Most health professionals now understand that 

sexuality remains important in later life. If you are not satisfied 

with your sex life, don’t just assume it’s due to your age. In addition 

to talking about age-related changes, you can ask your doctor about 

the effects of an illness or a disability on sexual function. Also, ask 

your doctor about the influence medications or surgery may have 

on your sex life. If you aren’t sure how to bring the topic up, try 

saying: “I have a personal question I would like to ask you...” or “I 

understand that this condition or medication can affect my body in 

many ways. Will it affect my sex life at all?” 

Summary: Discussing Sensitive Subjects

• Don’t hesitate to discuss sensitive subjects with your doctor.

• Use brochures or booklets as props to introduce topics you may 

feel awkward discussing.

• If you feel the doctor doesn’t take your concerns seriously, it 

might be time to think about changing doctors.
34 | Talking with Your Doctor

Who Else Will Help?

 Involving Your Family and Friends

I

t can be helpful to take a family member or friend with you 

when you go to the doctor’s office. You may feel more confident 

if someone else is with you. Also, a relative or friend can help 

remind you about things you planned to tell or ask the doctor. He 

or she also can help you remember what the doctor says. 

Don’t let your companion take too strong a role. The visit is between 

you and the doctor. You may want some time alone with the doctor 

to discuss personal matters. If you are alone with the doctor during 

or right after the physical exam, this might be a good time to raise 

private concerns. Or, you could ask your family member or friend 

to stay in the waiting room for part of the appointment. For best 

results, let your companion know in advance how he or she can be 

most helpful. 

If a relative or friend helps with your care at home, 

bringing that person along when you visit the doctor 

may be useful. In addition to the questions you have, 

your caregiver may have concerns he or she wants 

to discuss with the doctor. Some things caregivers 

may find especially helpful to discuss are: what 

to expect in the future, sources of information 

and support, community services, and ways 

they can maintain their own well-being. 

Even if a family member or friend can’t go 

with you to your appointment, he or she can 

still help. For example, the person can serve 

as your sounding board, helping you practice 

what you want to say to the doctor before 

the visit. And after the visit, talking about 

what the doctor said can remind you of the 

important points and help you come up with 

questions to ask next time.
Talking with Your Doctor 35 |

Y

ou can make the best of your time with your 

doctor by being informed. This often includes 

drawing on other sources of health information 

such as the Internet, home medical guides, books and 

articles available at libraries, national organizations 

or associations, other institutes within the National 

Institutes of Health, and self-help groups. 

NIA has free information in English and Spanish, 

including a Spanish language version of this booklet 

called Conversando con su Medicó. To order 

publications or request a publications catalog, 

call the NIA Information Center at 1-800-222-2225 

or TTY at 1-800-222-4225. Publications can 

be ordered online by visiting www.nia.nih.gov/

HealthInformation; you can also sign up for email 

alerts about new NIA publications at this website. 

Publications from NIA are available in bulk—for 

example, you may want to encourage your doctor to 

order copies of this publication for his or her office. 

For free fact sheets and other publications about 

Alzheimer’s disease, contact the NIA’s Alzheimer’s 

Disease Education and Referral (ADEAR) Center 

at 1-800-438-4380. The ADEAR Center website is 

www.nia.nih.gov/Alzheimers.

Good health care depends on good communication 

with your doctor and other health care professionals. 

Let the ideas in this booklet help you take a more 

active role in your health care. The following list is a 

sampling of other resources that may also be useful.

Additional Resources:

 For More Information

NIHSeniorHealth.gov

The NIA and the National 

Library of Medicine, both part 

of the National Institutes of 

Health, have developed a 

website designed specifically 

for older people. The website 

features a wide variety of 

popular health topics presented 

in a simple-to-use, easy-to-read 

format. It also has a “talking 

web” feature that reads the 

text to you. Visit this website 

at www.nihseniorhealth.gov.
36 | Talking with Your Doctor

General Resources

NIA Information Center 

P.O. Box 8057

Gaithersburg, MD 20898-8057 

1-800-222-2225 

1-800-222-4225 (TTY)

www.nihseniorhealth.gov

National Institutes of Health

NIHSeniorHealth.gov

www.nihseniorhealth.gov

National Institutes of Health

9000 Rockville Pike

Bethesda, MD 20892

301-496-4000

www.nih.gov

MedlinePlus

c/o National Library of Medicine

8600 Rockville Pike

Bethesda, MD 20894

1-888-FIND-NLM (1-888-346-3656)

www.medlineplus.gov

Medicare

Centers for Medicare and Medicaid

Services

7500 Security Boulevard

Baltimore, MD 21244-1850

1-800-MEDICARE (1-800-633-4227)

www.medicare.gov

AARP (formerly the American

Association of Retired Persons)

601 E Street, NW

Washington, DC 20049

1-888-OUR-AARP (1-888-687-2277)

www.aarp.org

Advance Directives

Patient Education Forum: Advance 

Directives

The American Geriatric Society

The Empire State Building

350 Fifth Avenue, Suite 801

New York, NY 10118

1-800-563-4916

212-308-1414

www.healthinaging.org/public_

education/pef/advance_directives.php

Alcohol

National Institute on Alcohol Abuse 

and Alcoholism

5635 Fishers Lane, MSC 9304

Bethesda, MD 20892-9304

301-443-3860

www.niaaa.nih.gov

Substance Abuse and Mental Health 

Services Administration

DHHS

P.O. Box 2345

Rockville, MD 20047-2345

1-800-729-6686

1-800-487-4889 (TTY)

www.samhsa.gov

Assisted Living

Assisted Living Federation of America

1650 King Street, Suite 602

Alexandria, VA 22314-2747

703-894-1805

www.alfa.org
Talking with Your Doctor 37 |

National Center for Assisted Living

1201 L Street, NW

Washington, DC 20005

202-842-4444 

www.ncal.org

Assisted Living: Weighing the Options

AARP

601 E Street, NW

Washington, DC 20049

1-888-OUR-AARP (1-888-687-2277)

www.aarp.org/families/housing_choices

Care in the Event of a Terminal 

Illness 

National Hospice and Palliative Care 

Organization 

1700 Diagonal Road, Suite 625

Alexandria, VA 22314-2844 

1-800-658-8898

www.nhpco.org 

Driving

SeniorDrivers.org

AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety 

Administrative Office

607 14th Street, NW, Suite 201

Washington, DC 20005-2000

202-638-5944

www.seniordrivers.org

AARP Driver Safety Program

601 E Street, NW

Washington, DC 20049-0001

1-888-OUR-AARP (1-888-687-2277)

www.aarp.org/families/driver_safety

Patient Education Forum: Safe Driving 

for Seniors

The American Geriatrics Society

The Empire State Building

350 Fifth Avenue, Suite 801

New York, NY 10118-0801

212-308-1414

www.ameriangeriatrics.org/education/

forum/driving.shtml

Exercise

American College of Sports Medicine 

401 West Michigan Street

Indianapolis, IN 46202-3233 

317-637-9200 

www.acsm.org 

Lifelong Fitness Alliance

658 Bair Island Road, Suite 200

Redwood City, CA 94063-2750

650-361-8282

www.50plus.org 

The President’s Council on Physical 

Fitness and Sports

Department W 

200 Independence Avenue, SW

Room 738-H 

Washington, DC 20201-0004 

202-690-9000 

www.fitness.gov

Grief, Mourning, and Depression

National Institute of Mental Health 

6001 Executive Boulevard 

Room 8184, MSC 9663 

Bethesda, MD 20892-9663 

1-866-615-6464

301-443-8431 (TTY)

www.nimh.nih.gov
38 | Talking with Your Doctor

HIV/AIDS

National Association on HIV Over Fifty

23 Miner Street

Boston, MA 02215-3318

617-233-7107

www.hivoverfifty.org

Incontinence 

National Association for Continence 

P.O. Box 1019

Charleston, SC 29402-1019

1-800-BLADDER (1-800-252-3337)

www.nafc.org

The Simon Foundation for Continence 

P.O. Box 815 

Wilmette, IL 60091 

1-800-23-SIMON (1-800-237-4666)

www.simonfoundation.org

Medication

FDA Center for Drug Evaluation and 

Research: Consumer Information

U.S. Food and Drug Administration

5600 Fishers Lane

Rockville, MD 20857-0001

1-888-INFO-FDA (1-888-463-6332)

www.fda.gov/cder/consumerinfo/

DPAdefault.htm

Medicare-Approved Drug Discount

Card Program

1-800-MEDICARE (1-800-633-4227)

www.medicare.gov

Memory Problems

Alzheimer’s Disease Education and 

Referral Center 

P.O. Box 8250 

Silver Spring, MD 20907-8250 

1-800-438-4380

www.nia.nih.gov/Alzheimers 

Alzheimer’s Association 

225 North Michigan Avenue, Suite 1700

Chicago, IL 60601-7633

1-800-272-3900

www.alz.org

Problems With Family/Caregiving

Children of Aging Parents 

P.O. Box 167

Richboro, PA 18954-0167

1-800-227-7294

www.caps4caregivers.org 

Eldercare Locator Service 

1-800-677-1116 (bilingual/TTY)

www.eldercare.gov 

National Center on Elder Abuse

University of Delaware

297 Graham Hall

Newark, DE 19716

302-831-3525

www.ncea.aoa.gov

Sexuality 

Sexuality Information and Education 

Council of the United States 

90 John Street, Suite 704

New York, NY 10038

212-819-9770

www.siecus.org
Talking with Your Doctor 39 |

For Your

Convenience:

work

sheets
40 | Talking with Your Doctor

TOPIC DATE NOTES

Your diet, medication, 

and lifestyle

Alcohol use

Appetite changes

Diet/nutrition 

Medicines

Tobacco use

Weight changes

Your health

Bone/joint pain or 

stiffness

Bowel problems 

Chest pain

Feeling dizzy or lightheaded

Headaches

Your doctor may want to know about any changes in your life since your last appointment. 

It is useful to consider what you should say before you see the doctor. The list below 

can help. Of course, all the things on this list won’t apply at every visit! Make a copy of 

the blank list so you will always have a clean copy to use. Then take a minute to think 

about each of these possible topics. You may want to jot down when you first noticed 

each change. You can use the last column to note any additional information that may be 

helpful for the doctor to know.

Worksheet ❶

Changes to Discuss 
Talking with Your Doctor 41 |

TOPIC DATE NOTES

Hearing changes

Losing urine or feeling wet

Recent hospitalizations or 

emergencies

Shortness of breath

Skin changes

Vision changes

Your thoughts and feelings 

Feeling lonely or isolated

Feeling sad, down, or blue

Intimacy or sexual activity

Problems with memory 

or thinking

Problems with sleep or 

changes in sleep patterns

Everyday living

Accidents, injuries, or falls

Advance directives

Daily activities

Driving/transportation/

mobility

Exercise

Living situation
42 | Talking with Your Doctor

Appointment Details (most important to least important)

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

Notes

Concerns 

At each visit your doctor will likely ask about your concerns. It’s a good idea to think about 

what you’d like to talk about before the actual visit. This form can help you organize your 

thoughts. Make a copy of the blank form so you will always have a clean copy to use. Then, 

after you make an appointment, take a minute to write down the name of the doctor and 

the appointment details (for example – the date, the time, the address). Use the form to 

make a list (in order, from most important to least important) of the concerns you want to 

discuss.

Worksheet ❷

Doctor: APPT. Date: Time: 

Address: Phone: 
Talking with Your Doctor 43 |

Name of Drug What It’s For Date 

Started Doctor Color/Shape Dose Instructions

Medications 

You may be taking many different medicines as well as numerous vitamins and over-thecounter drugs. It can be confusing to keep track of everything! This form can help. Because 

your medication regimen may change over time, make a copy of the blank form so you will 

always have a clean copy to use. Try to bring a completed and updated copy of this form to 

every doctor appointment.

Worksheet ❸
44 | Talking with Your Doctor

any suggestions?

 Closing Thoughts

If you have suggestions to add to future editions of this 

publication or other ideas for making it more helpful, please 

contact Freddi Karp, Editor, National Institute on Aging, 

Office of Communications and Public Liaison, Building 31, 

Room 5C27, 31 Center Drive MSC 2292, Bethesda, MD 

20892-2292; karpf@nia.nih.gov. 

Brought to you by

National Institute on Aging

National Institutes of Health

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

NIH Publication No. 05-3452

August 2005

(Reprinted April 2008)

Talking with your doctor