1

Preparing Adoptive Parents 

WHAT'S INSIDE

BULLETINS FOR PROFESSIONALS | JANUARY 2020

Additional resources

Importance of preparing adoptive families

Adopting a child from foster care is a lifechanging and complex experience for both 

the child and adoptive parents, and achieving 

a successful adoption requires parents to lay 

a strong foundation on which to welcome a 

child into their family. Caseworkers can support 

families in this process by being upfront with 

them about what they might expect regarding 

bonding with the child, parenting a child who 

has experienced loss and grief, how parents and 

children may emotionally process the adoption, 

the supports available to both the child and 

parents, and other important topics. This bulletin 

provides caseworkers with information and 

resources about the importance of preparing 

adoptive parents as well as how they can help 

prepare them for this journey. Information in 

this bulletin also may be pertinent for working 

with families formed through other types of 

permanency, such as guardianship.

How to prepare adoptive families

Conclusion

References

Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: info@childwelfare.gov | https://www.childwelfare.gov
Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: info@childwelfare.gov | https://www.childwelfare.gov 2

IMPORTANCE OF PREPARING ADOPTIVE FAMILIES

Prepermanency services can help ensure families are adequately equipped to overcome any 

challenges that may arise during the placement process and after the placement is final, particularly 

when they are paired later with applicable postadoption services. Properly preparing parents for 

adoption can improve outcomes for all members of the family and increase the stability of the 

placement (Lee, Kobulsky, Brodzinsky, & Barth, 2018). Some parents, however, feel ill prepared 

for their adoptions, which may be attributed to having unrealistic expectations or inadequate 

communication with the child welfare agency (Barnett et al., 2018). One study of adoptive parents 

found the following factors to be important to parents as they prepared for their placements (Lee et 

al., 2018): 

 Information and services regarding special needs

 Access to adoption specialty services

 Learning about parenting tools and skills rather than just receiving general information

 Attending to their own emotional needs

 Connections with other adoptive and birth parents

Even if the parents already know or have cared for the child they plan to adopt, such as in the case 

of the child's relatives or foster family, they still need additional preparation. While some steps in the 

preparation process may not be necessary, adoption is still an adjustment that requires some level 

of preparation for all persons involved. Caseworkers should review the family's and child's needs and 

situations to determine what types of preparation are essential. 

For additional information about the importance of adoption preparation and support, as well as 

an assessment to help determine your agency's readiness for providing prepermanency services, 

read the Capacity Building Center for States' Prepermanency Services for Adoptive and Guardianship 

Families at https://library.childwelfare.gov/cwig/ws/library/docs/capacity/Blob/ 114938.

pdf?r=1&rpp=10&upp=0&w=+NATIVE%28%27recn o %3D114938%27%29&m=1. 

For information about working with children and youth being adopted from foster care, refer to 

Child Welfare Information Gateway’s Preparing Children and Youth for Adoption or Other Family 

Permanency at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/bulletins-preparingchildren/.
Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: info@childwelfare.gov | https://www.childwelfare.gov 3

HOW TO PREPARE ADOPTIVE FAMILIES

Reviewing the topics in this section with parents can help them prepare for the addition of their 

child to the family. Although many of the topics discussed in this bulletin may be covered in 

preadoption training for parents required or provided by your agency, it is still helpful to go over 

them with parents to make sure they understand the information or to reinforce the materials 

presented. To review resources regarding preadoption training, refer to the Capacity Building 

Center for States at https://library.childwelfare.gov/cwig/ws/library/docs/capacity/Blob/114938.

pdf?r=1&rpp=10&upp=0&w=+ NATIVE%28 %27recno%3 D114938%27%29&m=1 (see p. 4). 

Providing Complete Information and Setting Realistic Expectations

When providing information to prospective adoptive parents about their child and the adoption 

process, it is critical for caseworkers to be comprehensive and honest and to help parents set realistic 

expectations (Wynne, 2016; Lee et al., 2018). At a minimum, caseworkers should fully disclose all known 

information about the child and birth family in writing and through conversations with the adoptive 

parents. This includes explanations of the child’s placement history and a full physical and behavioral 

health history, including prenatal substance exposure. (For additional information about the effects of 

prenatal substance exposure as well as available interventions, visit the National Center of Substance 

Abuse and Child Welfare at https://ncsacw.samhsa.gov/resources/substance-exposed-infants.aspx.) 

Caseworkers should share the results of any assessments, if available, that identify the child's strengths 

and challenges as well as any interventions that may help.

By only providing the "positive" information about a child, you may be leaving parents unprepared 

to properly care for their child. Parents who do not have realistic expectations of the child and the 

postadoption period may be at a higher risk for feelings of grief, loss, and isolation (Waid & Alewine, 

2018). If a child has exhibited or is likely to exhibit problematic behaviors, such as sexually acting out, 

aggression, or self-abuse, it is imperative for you to be honest with parents so they will not be surprised 

if the situation arises (Keck & Gianforte, 2015). Caseworkers should also help parents understand the 

implications of this information for their parenting. For example, a child may be 12 years old, but, due 

to his developmental age, may display behaviors of a much younger child and need to be treated as 

such. Parents will benefit from receiving information about how they can respond to problematic or 

confusing behaviors, and they may need reassurances to not take these behaviors personally. 

To learn more about what information can be shared with adoptive parents in your State, refer to Child 

Welfare Information Gateway's Providing Adoptive Parents With Information About Adoptees and Their 

Birth Families at https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/systemwide/laws-policies/statutes/collection/.
Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: info@childwelfare.gov | https://www.childwelfare.gov 4

CHILDREN'S PERSPECTIVES, EMOTIONS, AND BEHAVIORS DURING THE PERMANENCY 

PROCESS 

Each child perceives his or her adoption differently, and how the child views the permanency 

process and how the parent views it may be very different. Explaining the following concerns a child 

may have when transitioning to a new family can help parents understand the child's perspective: 

 Loss and grief. Being separated from a parent—temporarily or permanently—can have a profound

impact on a child, even if he or she was removed from home as a result of a parent's maltreatment

(National Adoption Competency Mental Health Training Initiative [NTI], 2019). In addition to the

loss of their parents upon removal from the home, children and youth also may experience the

loss of other parts of their lives, such as siblings, friends, supportive adults, classmates, pets,

familiar surroundings, cultural connections, and more. If they were previously with another foster

family, they also may feel grief about leaving that home or rejection that the family did not adopt

them. Grief is a normal response to loss. For children experiencing loss, their grief may manifest

in various ways, such as anger, sadness, irritability, withdrawal, confusion, distractibility, selfharm, or even excitability (NTI, 2019). It also could contribute to fear of abandonment or lack of

trust. Loss and grief can be felt in both the short and long term, and the feelings may change or

emerge over time due to changing developmental stages or particular life events (e.g., birthdays,

anniversaries of important events).

For additional information about loss and grief, refer to the following:

 – Helping Adopted Children Cope With Grief and Loss [webpage]: https://www.childwelfare.gov/

topics/adoption/adopt-parenting/helping/

 – Grief and Loss [webpage]: https://www.nacac.org/help/parenting/grief-and-loss/

 – Effects of Separation and Loss on Children’s Development: https://www.fosterclub.com/

sites/default/files/Effects%20of%20Separation%20and%20Loss%20on%20Childrens%20

Development.pdf

 Uncertainty and confusion. Children may continue to think and worry about their birth or foster

families, and they may struggle with their changed role or sibling status. For example, a child may

have been the only child in his or her birth family, but the adoptive family may include several

children. Children also may be confused if their own feelings about a permanent placement do

not match others' expectations of how they should react. For example, adults in the child's life

may expect him or her to feel happy or grateful to be joining a new family, but the child may still

be grieving the loss of his or her birth or foster family (NTI, 2019). When children are placed with

relatives, they may feel uncertain or confused about their new role within the family and about

how others' roles may change (e.g., the child's grandmother or aunt may now be acting as the

mother figure) (NTI, 2019).
Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: info@childwelfare.gov | https://www.childwelfare.gov 5

Children—particularly those who have experienced disrupted or dissolved adoptions—also may 

be unsure of the adoptive parents' commitment and test the parents’ boundaries to ensure their 

commitment is for the long term. Children who are adopted from foster care have been in one 

or more homes since being removed from their birth family, which could contribute to them not 

understanding what it means to stay with an adoptive family permanently. Moving to multiple 

homes could also cause confusion about family rules, expectations, and cultures, as each family 

has its own dynamic. 

 Anxiety. Children about to join or who have joined a new family may feel anxious about the 

transition (Jarema, 2012). Just as they may grieve being separated from people and places familiar 

to them, they may worry about the changes and different situations they will encounter with their 

new family, home, or school, including what the new rules and expectations are if the placement 

will really be permanent.

 Divided loyalties. Many children, particularly adolescents, have conflicting feelings about being 

a permanent member of a new family. They may still have strong emotional ties to parents and 

siblings and may fantasize about or hold out hope for reconciliation even when legal ties have 

been terminated. 

It is important for parents to acknowledge and respect the emotions the child is experiencing, 

as minimizing them may result in additional unresolved grief (Pickover & Brown, 2016). Parents 

also should be aware that these emotions may occur and/or change before, during, and after the 

adoption is finalized. Additionally, even if children are being adopted by a foster family, relatives, 

or others with whom they are familiar and comfortable, the finality of the adoption may intensify 

feelings of loss (DeGarmo, 2017).

ADOPTIVE PARENTS' PERSPECTIVES ON THE ADOPTION PROCESS

Adoptive parents may be facing their own emotions or concerns during and after the adoption 

process (NTI, 2019), including the following: 

 Infertility: Parents may be motivated to adopt due to infertility. They may be experiencing 

feelings of loss of a child who shared their genes. 

 Lost time with the child: Adoptive parents may feel loss or grief due to not giving birth to the 

child they adopted, missing the first months or years of the child’s life, or not being there to 

protect the child from harm. 

 Their own adoption as a child: Parents may have been in foster care or adopted themselves. 

Although this may have been a positive experience for many, some parents may adopt a child as an 

attempt to deal with unresolved grief. 

 Differing viewpoints: Adoptive couples may have very different views or expectations about the 

adoption, and this decision may be a test of strength for the relationship. 

Parents also may feel a sense of loss of their "fantasy child" if the child they adopted does not 

measure up to what they wanted or expected in a child. Helping parents explore their motivations 

and whether these emotions or concerns may be present can help them address any issues and seek 

help, if needed (NTI, 2019). 
Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: info@childwelfare.gov | https://www.childwelfare.gov 6

CHILDREN WITH A HISTORY OF TRAUMA

Because almost all children adopted from foster care have experienced trauma, adoptive parents 

should be educated about the particular needs of children who have experienced trauma, including 

the lifelong effects it can have on brain development and behavior. Trauma can affect children 

differently, but children with a history of trauma may experience more anxiety than normal as well 

as see and respond to real or perceived threats in ways that others do not (American Academy of 

Pediatrics & Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption, 2016). Trauma may also make it more difficult 

for children to trust their adoptive parents. More information for parents about raising a child with 

a history of trauma can be found in these publications: Parenting After Trauma: Understanding 

Your Child's Needs: A Guide for Foster and Adoptive Parents (https://www.aap.org/en-us/advocacyand-policy/aap-health-initiatives/healthy-foster-care-america/Documents/FamilyHandout.pdf), 

Parenting Children and Youth Who Have Experienced Abuse or Neglect (https://www.childwelfare.

gov/pubs/parenting-CAN/), and Parenting a Child or Youth Who Has Been Sexually Abused: A Guide 

for Foster and Adoptive Parents (https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f-abused/). 

Experiencing the trauma of child maltreatment can change or impair children's brain development, 

which can affect mental, emotional, and behavioral health into adulthood (Child Welfare Information 

Gateway, 2017). By utilizing early intervention services and supportive, caring parenting practices, 

however, adoptive parents can promote healthy brain development and set a strong foundation 

for improved outcomes. For additional information, visit Information Gateway's Brain/Cognitive 

Development webpage at https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/can/impact/development/brain/. 

Issues When Adopting a Relative

Adopting a relative’s child may bring about emotions or concerns beyond those that may be 

experienced by nonrelative adoptive parents, possibly including the following (NTI, 2019): 

 Mixed feelings about the loss of their current role (e.g., grandparent, aunt) 

 Guilt regarding the birth parent’s problems 

 Guilt for taking over the parental role for the child 

 Belief they are betraying the birth parent by becoming the legal parent 

 Mixed feelings about what they may be giving up (e.g., retirement, current lifestyle) 

 Worries about additional financial obligations 

 Family conflict or loyalty issues among relatives 

Relatives also may struggle with a desire to help the birth parents succeed as parents and overcome 

their challenges even as they want to make a lifetime commitment to the child. Caseworkers should 

explore with relative placements whether these issues may be present and help them cope. 
Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: info@childwelfare.gov | https://www.childwelfare.gov 7

The following provide information and resources to assist children affected by trauma:

 Parenting Children Who Have Experienced Abuse and/or Neglect: An Information Gateway

webpage that has resources about parenting practices for parents with children who have a

history of trauma

https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/adoption/adopt-parenting/foster/parenting-childrenwho-have-experienced-abuse-andor-neglect/

 Attachment and Trauma Network: A national coalition to support the families of children who

have experienced trauma, including a database of attachment and trauma-related resources and

supports and private, online peer-to-peer support groups

http://www.attachmenttraumanetwork.org

 Understanding Trauma: A page on the AdoptUSKids website about supporting children who have

experienced trauma

https://www.adoptuskids.org/meet-the-children/children-in-foster-care/about-the-children/

understanding-trauma

ATTACHMENT

Children who have been abused or neglected may have difficulty forming attachments or trusting 

caregivers. Although adoptive parents may hope for a strong relationship with their adopted 

children to develop quickly, they should keep in mind that they may need to give the relationship 

time to develop and remember to respect their child's feelings and personal space during the 

transition (AdoptUSKids, n.d.-b). Caseworkers should also remind parents that promoting positive 

attachment may require significant effort and changes in their own behaviors. New adoptive parents 

often need to focus on relationship building first rather than seeking to change children’s behaviors 

right away. One way to help build attachment is to have the family make changes to fit the child’s 

needs and traditions instead of expecting the child make all the changes.

Parents should be aware of their own attachment style and emotional state, as well as any personal 

history that may be affecting either (Purvis, Cross, Dansereau, & Parris, 2013). You may need to 

provide guidance to parents or refer them to a service provider who can help them learn skills and 

strategies for developing secure relationships with their children. You can also remind them that 

parents also can have difficulty forming attachments to their adopted children and adjusting to the 

new family dynamics. For example, a parent may initially feel unready to say, "I love you" to the child, 

or they may not yet feel "like a family." 

Also, remind parents that there may be a "honeymoon" period during the first few weeks or months 

following placement in which the child—and even other family members—are on their best behavior 

(AdoptUSKids, n.d.-b). When this period comes to an end, the child may begin to test limits or 

develop other behaviors that could be deemed problematic. If and when the honeymoon period 

ends, parents should be patient, remain committed, and continue building their relationship with 

their child even when feelings of love and affection are not reciprocated.
Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: info@childwelfare.gov | https://www.childwelfare.gov 8

The following resources offer tips for parents on how to promote healthy attachment with their 

adopted children:

 Helping Your Child Transition From Foster Care to Adoption (Information Gateway): 

https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f-transition/

 Nurturing and Attachment (Information Gateway): https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/

preventing/promoting/protectfactors/nurture-attach/

 Helping Children Form Attachments (AdoptUSKids): https://www.adoptuskids.org/adoptionand-foster-care/how-to-adopt-and-foster/receiving-a-placement/forming-attachments

 Association for Training and Trauma on Attachment in Children: http://www.attach.org

The National Adoption Competency Mental Health Training for Child Welfare Professionals offers 

free online training that assists caseworkers and other agency staff in identifying strategies to help 

families create a nurturing environment to facilitate healthy attachment and address trauma. You 

may access the training at https://learn.childwelfare.gov/. 

Considerations When Adopting Older Children and Youth

In addition to the general issues when adopting any child, parents adopting older children and 

youth may have some additional factors to consider. For example, adoptive parents may need 

assistance differentiating normal adolescent behaviors (e.g., seeking independence, decisionmaking overly influenced by emotions) from behaviors resulting from previous grief, loss, and trauma 

(National Resource Center for Diligent Recruitment, 2015). Children adopted at an older age will also 

have different perspectives and life experiences than younger children, possibly including increased 

independence, additional disrupted placements, and more or stronger connections with birth 

families. Parents adopting older children and youth need to be prepared to discuss and be open 

about topics pertinent to adolescents, such as substance use and sexual identity, while still building 

a relationship with their child. Furthermore, these youth may need assistance obtaining a driver’s 

license or preparing for college or employment, which may include seeking out financial assistance 

for which they are eligible. 

For additional information on older child adoption, visit the North American Council on Adoptable 

Children (NACAC) website at https://www.nacac.org/help/adoption-practice/older-child-adoption/. 
Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: info@childwelfare.gov | https://www.childwelfare.gov 9

SELF-CARE 

Some adoptive parents find they need support to work through the emotions that arise before, 

during, or after the adoption is finalized (Child Welfare Information Gateway, 2015). Ensure parents 

are familiar with the following types of supports:

 Adoption-competent counselors or therapists can provide therapeutic services to parents—as

well as children and the family as a whole—to address adoption-related issues. To help families

find appropriate support, you can refer them to Information Gateway's Finding and Working With

Adoption-Competent Therapists at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f-therapist/.

 Respite care offers parents a short break from the responsibilities of parenting, giving them an

opportunity to rest, practice self-care, and take advantage of additional support services. Respite

can range from a few hours to a few days.

 Connections with other adoptive parents can be a valuable source of reassurance and support,

both during the placement process and after the adoption is finalized. Preadoption contact with

adults who were adopted and birth families can also benefit prospective adoptive parents (Lee

et al., 2018). For a list of adoption support groups by State, visit Information Gateway's National

Foster Care & Adoption Directory Search at https://www.childwelfare.gov/nfcad/ (select your

State and then select Kinship, Foster Care and Adoption Support Groups under the Support

Groups section).

Additional supports and services may be available through your agency or in their communities.

CONNECTIONS WITH BIRTH FAMILIES 

Caseworkers should emphasize the importance of children maintaining connections with their birth 

families, including siblings and other significant people in their lives, after adoption. Postplacement 

contact with birth families, as well as other prior caregivers, when safe, can enhance children's 

emotional well-being and help them navigate this journey in several ways (NTI, 2019):

 Preventing denial and avoidance of their circumstances

 Managing emotions about separation

 Providing opportunities to validate their feelings

 Allowing them to consider the reasons they were separated from their family

 Decreasing magical thinking (i.e., children's creation of unrealistic fantasies to fill in unknown

information about their birth families)

 Decreasing feelings of conflicted loyalty
Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: info@childwelfare.gov | https://www.childwelfare.gov 10

The following are strategies caseworkers can use to support successful communication between 

adoptive and birth families (National Resource Center for Adoption, 2014):

 Educate the adoptive families, as well as the children and birth families, on ways to remain in 

contact (e.g., letters, emails, phone calls, personal visits, social media).

 Let everyone know the type and level of communication should be in the best interests of the 

child and that communication needs may change over time. 

 Introduce prospective adoptive families to current adoptive families who are successfully 

maintaining continuing contact after adoption so that prospective families can learn from them. 

 Refer birth and adoptive families to agency or community mediation services for assistance in 

creating formal contact agreements. 

For more information about maintaining connections, read Information Gateway's Helping 

Children and Youth Maintain Relationships With Birth Families (https://www.childwelfare.gov/

pubs/bulletins-maintainrelationships/) or visit the Information Gateway website at https://www.

childwelfare.gov/topics/adoption/postplacement/connections/. Additionally, to learn more about 

laws regarding contact agreements in your State, read Postadoption Contact Agreements Between 

Birth and Adoptive Families at https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/systemwide/laws-policies/

statutes/cooperative/. 

For information on social media use in adoption, visit Information Gateway at https://www.

childwelfare.gov/topics/adoption/intro/social-media-adoption/. 

FINANCIAL CONSIDERATIONS AND SUPPORT 

Caseworkers should ensure parents understand the potential costs of adopting a child as well as the 

financial resources available to them prior to an adoption finalization. The following are examples of 

financial programs adoptive parents may be able to seek assistance from:

 Adoption assistance: Children adopted from foster care may be eligible for the Federal title IV-E 

reimbursements for recurring monthly payments for a child's care and/or nonrecurring expenses 

(e.g., adoption fees, home studies, attorney fees, court costs). If a child is not eligible for title IV-E 

adoption assistance, State programs may be available for certain expenses. For more information 

on what is available in your State, visit the Adoption Assistance by State webpage at https://www.

childwelfare.gov/topics/adoption/adopt-assistance/. 

 Medical assistance: Most children adopted from foster care are eligible for medical assistance, 

often including medical insurance through Medicaid (AdoptUsKids, n.d.-b). Children who qualify 

for Federal adoption assistance are automatically qualified for Medicaid. The Adoption Assistance 

by State webpage also offers information about medical assistance benefits.
Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: info@childwelfare.gov | https://www.childwelfare.gov 11

 Tax credits: Federal or State tax credits may be available to adoptive parents. For information 

about Federal tax credits, visit the Internal Revenue Service website at https://www.irs.gov/

taxtopics/tc607 or the NACAC website at https://www.nacac.org/help/adoption-tax-credit/

adoption-tax-credit-2019/. For information about which States offer tax credits, as well as 

additional State-specific information, visit the NACAC website at https://www.nacac.org/help/

adoption-assistance/adoption-assistance-us/state-programs/. 

 Employer-provided benefits: Some employers may offer benefits, such as financial assistance 

or parental leave, for employees who adopt a child. Parents should check with their employer to 

determine what may be available to them.

 Education expense assistance: Children adopted from foster care may be eligible for Federal 

programs that can aid in postsecondary education expenses as well as tuition waivers or 

scholarships from States and private organizations. To learn about programs that may be available 

in your area, visit https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/adoption/adopt-people/assistance/ or 

https://www.nacac.org/resource/college-expenses-adopted-child-foster-care/. 

Additional information on financial support can be found in Information Gateway's Adoption Costs 

and Sources of Financial Support web section at https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/adoption/

adoptive/expenses/ as well as in Planning for Adoption: Knowing the Costs and Resources at https://

www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/s-cost/. 

PREPLACEMENT VISITS 

Preplacement visits should occur before the official placement to help the child and adoptive family 

become better acquainted and ease the transition (Wynne, 2016). These visits also may provide 

opportunities for the adoptive parents to interact with the child's foster family and learn more about 

the child, including routines and preferences (AdoptUSKids, n.d.-b). Additionally, they allow the 

child to learn more about the new environment and community in which they will be living as well 

as family culture and expectations. If possible, these visits should begin with daytime visits in the 

child's current home or somewhere they are comfortable and then progress to visits in the adoptive 

family's home, beginning with day visits and eventually leading to overnight and weekend visits. If 

in-person visits are not possible due to long distances, online meetings (e.g., Skype) may help the 

child and family get to know each other and build familiarity. As a part of the preplacement visits and 

to ease the child's transition to the home, adoptive families may want to allow the child to provide 

input on what items are placed in the room or what colors are used. (AdoptUSKids, n.d.-b). 

Preplacement visits can be stressful for families, and parents may experience issues or setbacks 

with the child during these visits. They may be fearful that bringing up concerns at this point in the 

process could affect the adoption finalization. You should encourage prospective adoptive families 

to bring up any issues that arise during this period so they can be addressed. 
Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: info@childwelfare.gov | https://www.childwelfare.gov 12

PREPARING THE CHILD'S NEW SIBLINGS 

Facilitating healthy attachments and interactions among all siblings in the family—including birth, 

foster, and adopted children—is an essential goal. When children have different statuses in their 

families or special needs that require a significant amount of parental attention, it can create stress 

within the family or cause negative interactions. Other dynamics can lead to tensions as well. For 

example, one adopted child may have extensive information about his or her background, as well as 

ongoing contact with birth relatives, while another may not. 

The following are strategies adoptive parents can use to build strong relationships among all children 

in the family (AdoptUSKids, n.d.-a): 

 Involve children already in the home in the adoption process (as appropriate) by talking with them 

about the adoption, the process, and the potential impacts on the family

 Share information about the child being adopted, possibly including why the child was placed in 

foster care

 Use preplacement visits to help the children get to know each other

 Let children in the home know that the new sibling may need extra attention for some time but 

also reassure them that you will also be focused on their needs and create one-on-one time with 

them

After the child comes to live with his or her new family, the parents can also seek opportunities or 

activities the new siblings can do together to help develop bonds. Caseworkers also may need to 

help parents consider steps for protecting other children in the home, especially if the child being 

adopted has a history of violence or has been sexually abused.

For additional strategies, refer to 11 Tips for Building Strong Relationships Among Family Members 

on the AdoptUSKids website at https://adoptuskids.org/adoption-and-foster-care/how-to-adoptand-foster/receiving-a-placement/building-family-relationships. 

Information Gateway’s Working With Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Questioning (LGBTQ) 

Families in Foster Care and Adoption (https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f-profbulletin/) provides 

useful information for caseworkers about supporting the LGBTQ community in adoption.
Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: info@childwelfare.gov | https://www.childwelfare.gov 13

ADDITIONAL TOPICS 

The following are additional topics you should discuss with families during the adoption process:

 Legal and agency processes: Caseworkers should ensure parents are familiar with the procedural

steps in adopting a child. Talk to them about the child's current legal status, particularly if parental

rights have not yet been terminated.

 Physical and mental health needs: Parents may need to consult with the child's current health team

to determine how they can best prepare for the child's physical and mental health needs, including

ensuring access to providers and health records and understanding the child's prescriptions.

 Benefits transfer: Some benefits for the child (e.g., Medicaid, Supplemental Security Income) may

be assigned to the agency. Caseworkers should help parents determine how to transfer benefits so

they become the payee for the child and, in interstate adoption cases, help parents access benefits

in their home community.

 Education logistics: Parents will need to make sure that the child is enrolled in school and that

they have complete education records, including any individualized education program documents.

 Race and culture: If the child being adopted has a different race or culture from the adoptive

parents, provide information to parents about the child's race and culture as well as guidance about

related parenting topics (e.g., assisting children in forming a racial or cultural identity, helping

children and the family adapt). For resources on this topic, visit Information Gateway at https://

www.childwelfare.gov/topics/adoption/preplacement/culturally-competent/transracial/.

 Children's names. Parents should consider both what the child will be called as well as how they

will be addressed. Some children may want to change their last names to match that of their

adoptive family, but others may want to maintain the name they have always had, which is part

of their identity and birth family (Jarema, 2012). Depending on the child’s age and developmental

stage, parents may want to talk with the child about both their first and last names.

 How parents want to be addressed. Some children may be apprehensive about calling their

adoptive parents "mom," "dad," or another familiar name (National Resource Center for Diligent

Recruitment, 2015).

 Discipline: If a child has been maltreated, he or she may perceive any physical punishment as

abusive. Consequently, caseworkers should urge adoptive parents to use nonphysical methods

of punishment (Wynne, 2016). Negative or punitive punishments also could adversely affect the

child's behaviors. Parents may need to be taught new parenting skills that are therapeutic and

promote attachment in children affected by trauma.
Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: info@childwelfare.gov | https://www.childwelfare.gov 14

CONCLUSION

Outcomes for children and families can be improved when parents are better prepared for an 

adoptive placement, including knowing how they can best meet the child's needs and understanding 

the emotions involved for all. It is important to help parents set realistic expectations for the 

adoption and their child and ensure that families have a comprehensive set of supports both before 

and after the adoption is finalized. Even when parents are familiar with the child, they still require 

comprehensive preparation. When developing the preparation plan for a family, you should account 

for the specific needs and circumstances of both the child and the adoptive family.

Postadoption Support

Adoptive families will continue to need support after the adoption is finalized. It is critical for 

caseworkers to ensure adoptive parents know about and have access to postadoption services and 

supports that match the needs of the child and other family members. Accessing such support is a 

normal part of adoption. Whenever possible, connect parents with services, supports, and trainings 

even before placement so they have fewer barriers to accessing services when a need arises. 

Informal supports, such as family and friends, can also provide needed assistance and should be 

included in any postadoption support planning.

Parents should also be aware that postadoption support needs may arise or even increase years 

later (AdoptUSKids, 2015). Additionally, alert parents to any changes in the levels of support 

provided by the agency after an adoption is finalized. Common types of postadoption supports 

include educational and informational services, clinical services (for the child, parents, and/or both), 

material assistance, and support networks (Child Welfare Information Gateway, 2018). 

The following resources from Information Gateway provide additional information about 

postadoption supports:

 Adoption Support and Preservation Services [web section]: 

https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/adoption/postplacement/services/

 Providing Adoption Support and Preservation Services: 

https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f-postadoptbulletin/

 Finding and Working With Adoption-Competent Therapists:

https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f-therapist/
Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: info@childwelfare.gov | https://www.childwelfare.gov 15

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES

The following publications by Information Gateway can help parents support their adopted children 

at different stages:

 Parenting Your Adopted Preschooler: https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/preschool/

 Parenting Your Adopted School-Age Child: https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/parentschool-age/

 Parenting Your Adopted Teenager: https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/parent-teenager/

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Keck, G. C., & Gianforte, L. (2015). Keeping your adoptive family strong: Strategies for success. 

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Waid, J., & Alewine, E. (2018). An exploration of family challenges and service needs during the postadoption period. Children and Youth Services Review, 91, 213–220. doi: 10.1016/j.childyouth.2018.06.017

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SUGGESTED CITATION: 

Child Welfare Information Gateway. (2020). Preparing adoptive parents. Washington, DC: U.S. 

Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Children’s 

Bureau.

This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare Information 

Gateway. This publication is available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/bulletins-adoptiveparents/.

U.S. Department of Health and Human 

Services Administration for Children and 

Families Administration on Children, 

Youth and Families Children's Bureau