Category: housing

Seller: Excuse me. I don't mean to be rude, but you look like you could use a home.
Buyer: Well, it all depends on the price, I suppose.
Seller: What would you be willing to spend on a well maintain place?
Buyer: Well, I used a proprietary satellite imaging system to determine the latitude and longitude of the location of where the photo was taken and I'm going over floor plans for these apartments now.
Seller: Oh my. Fancy! I've never had a fancy person behind these gates. Do keep me apprised on your findings. Don't spare any detail!
Buyer: I'm not really impressed with the location, who thought I'd be moving to Hayward California? And I'm really not impressed with a two floor unit. I'm a ranch style home guy all the way.
Seller: You know, I love a good ranch home. And ranch dressing is a close second. But let me let you in on a little secret. The two floor unit is really just one big floor  with an extra tall shag carpet on half of it. 
Buyer: I'm looking at the floorplans on the Marcotte website right now, and I can tell you that the upstairs has a weird little bathroom facing the stairs? Look, let's get to brass tacks, I'm willing to go as high as $1750, and frankly I'm crazy to do that.
Seller: Sir I will have you know that Spice 1 and the 187 Faculty do their laundry on site here at least once a week!! Once a goshdarn week! Don't look down your nose at me, we like our toilets facing stairs here in Hayward. It gives us a combat advantage. I will go down to 1,900 only because you reminded me to pick up ranch dressing.
Buyer: Okay, $1900 it is.
Seller: Oh. Sorry for the yelling. I need to smoke.