hmmm. at 18, my life thus far has been where I want it. The USMC has given me the newfound sense of self one craves after a monotonous high school career. Football, basketball, summer activities, UIL academic meets, clubs, and band, they say, will be the things you cherish for the rest of your life. Memories. They will be the best years of your life say those who never went to college. The next 4 will be your best years of your life. " say those who have. But will they be? The Crucible was more difficult than anything I could ever imagine attempting, but I made it. Lying in a pit covered in barbed wire and mud and feeling the wildest sense of dread, failure, hatred, anger for being awake for 3 days with only 2 MRE's to last the entire ordeal. Feeling that the sun would never set. Being away from my family and everything that I loved for a quarter of a year with no means of contact besides staying up after lights out, sitting on a stone cold toilet in the head because it was the only source of light by which to write. Knowing that you're giving up the sleep, the rest, that will carry you through the next day. Hate towards the others in the platoon for their Goddamn stupidity, hard-headed, fight without listening to reason, their never-ending bitching and trying to hold an edge over everyone else. It's a real life world of shit. Brings to mind that show on MTV called "Oz", haven't seen but advertisements for it. Prisoners talking about "the hard life" of prison. What do they have that I didn't have at MCRD San Diego. Prison vs. Boot Camp. They have TV, books, newspapers, double ply toilet paper, free time, phone calls, a weight room, good food, the right to lay on the rack whenever they wish, the right to sit down, cigarettes, the ability to do whatever the hell they want. What did I have? Not a single one of those things. A month in the desert, worrying that one of North America's pit vipers or coral snakes would find its way into my sleeping bag as I slept on a rocky desert floor, or the guy next to you on the firing line would trip and put a 5. 56mm round into your back, or falling while hiking without light on a steep slope in the middle of a moonless night with 80 pounds of gear and splitting my grape on a rock. Days go by slow when you're having a bad day at the office or in the classroom. Time is suspended when you're so miserable that you would almost rather die than continue through the rest of training It was a different sort of feeling felt in life. Hadn't had if before. but I miss it. I'd never felt so alive. What we take for granted in life: friends, our favorite book, the faithful German Shepherd, a home cooked meal, a grassy lawn, a drive down a country road that reminds you of your childhood. those are given new meaning. The feeling of infinite pride, accomplishment, belonging, knowing that you live your life not for the boss, not for others, not for money, not for possession, and knowing that you cannot be defeated. I felt that during Marine Corps graduation. That is what I will remember and cherish in life. Throwing the "greatest party", making $100 grand a year vs $40, driving an Aston Martin. What does that crap mean if you don't truly own yourself? Like those who fawn over celebrities or drive expensive cars that their ego thrives on but their families at home cannot afford. They will never know the meaning of life. I know that I may never be the investment banker that all college kids know they will be, but I will have a rich life. I will not be the movie star that everyone knows they will be, but I know that I will be loved by those who matter to me. I look forward to the future. 

Big Five personality labels — Extraversion: y, Neuroticism: n, Agreeableness: y, Conscientiousness: y, Openness: y