Today I had a very fun (sarcastic) schedule, I worked out and also participated in my NROTC drill team, which I am a part of. My thoughts are nothing but satisfaction, a vigorous week of PT (physical training), academics, drill, and discipline have finally ended for three glorious days to elapse. Yes, just another three days or so, then it's back to the normal vigorous routine. My feelings for joining the NROTC unit is my decision, the option to choose the path to become a Marine Corps commissioned officer is brave for my part. For the past week, PT has been vigorous and I sometimes find myself out of shape for the activities. My ankle, which has a long history of spraining, is not helping either. My Gunnery Sergeant and my Staff Sergeant and I agreed that the Leathernecks, the "Marine Corps" part of the team, will help me get up to standards, after all, the Leathernecks and the entire unit looks after its own. Looks after it's own. I want to be part of the team, a part of the unit, a player, a leader, not a manager, not a weakling, nor any of that. I want to prove that I am someone. That I am a human being, someone worthy of being respected and liked. I have had a couple of bad experiences before I reported to UT. One was that I broke up with my girlfriend for the summer. She and I, even though we liked each other, found out that we were 'incompatible' and the separation of college (me going to UT, she going to U of H) would only make things worse. Sometimes we would find ourselves arguing over something as petty as 'who left the door open?'. It was a bad experience and the breakup just before college hit me like a MACK truck, just like all my bad experiences before. After my breakup, I wonder whether I should date again. There's a nice girl (I won't name her name or how I know her) around that I know but I don't know if I should get to know her more. Maybe it's because I had a bad history of dating, and I sometimes wonder if I would take the circle path back to where I started, broken up and feeling depressed about myself. This girl, I like her a lot, and I  think she thinks I'm ok, but I don't know if she really likes me. To take another risk like that will probably leave me either being shunned my rejection or being depressed by another break up. That's why I must concentrate on other things. My priority is to the team, and I will work as much as I can to get my unit up and running. I am in the pistol and the drill team and I want to learn more and know more. Also, I want to get a 4. 0 GPA, so I can get a scholarship from my unit. PT has been tough, I find myself being killed by the active duty Marines when we PT, but I can't quit. My ankle had me forced to drop out of the runs two times, but I won't quit the program. I cannot quit, and I will not quit. To quit will put me forever in disgrace as a quitter who couldn't 'hack it' and also in the shun of my teammates, who I left them high and dry by letting them down. To quit would also to put me down further into the downward spiral of depression. To quit is out of the question. I will keep on going no matter what happens and I will do anything that has to be done to pass. I will not fail.                 

Big Five personality labels — Extraversion: n, Neuroticism: y, Agreeableness: n, Conscientiousness: y, Openness: n