I just waited 45 minutes for a bus to come and pick me up from the nursing building. in the dark and I got very agitated and edgy. Every car of course had their headlights on and a million cars must have passed by me. I'm still seeing spots even now. I'm upset because I think everyone has forgotten me since I moved off to college. I guess they do. I do feel like a number here at UT despite what they say about getting involved. Every night I come home excited to see if I got any e-mails, messages or mail- but I hardly ever do. They're ALWAYS for my roommate. I still expect to wake up in the morning and see my old room at home, but I get a nasty feeling in my stomach when everything comes into focus and I realize that I'm in some unusual place. and then I realize its my dorm room. Everyone told me the first week would be toughest and that everything is downhill on an easy ride from there. But it isn't working that way for me. Everything is going WAY uphill and the climb is getting even harder than my first week. I want to go home next week and see my family and my dogs, but I know if I do I won't want to come back and it will be even worse than my first day here because I know how awful it can be now and I  will dread that returning again. I'll wait until I get on my feet to go back. Does this page keep moving down?  The phone just rang again and of course it was for my roommate. She has to call her mom when she gets back. Then she'll hog the phone until 12:00 tonight talking to everybody in the world and their dog. And when my mom calls for ME I'll have to call her back because my  roommate will be on the phone and by the time she's off, my mom will be in bed and it would be futile to try and call her back so late. I'm a very SLOW typer. I hope nobody is really reding this because they would think I was an absolute ogre. I'm really not. I put on a good front for other people. Everyone thinks I'm anorexic because they say "I'm a toothpick". If only they saw how much I eat. I hate being so skinny and being able to do nothing about it. Everyone wants to be skinny right?  But not to an extreme, right? I have loads of trouble finding clothes, I have to stuff myself till I practically pop at every meal so I don't lose any more weight. I'm sick all of the time, I can't excercise a lot or else I shed pounds and spend too much of my needed energy, my poor parents have to pay a fortune for heart surgery for me because my low weight has caused serious side effects. I've never been anorexic, bolemic or anything for that matter yet people automatically assume that I am. I noticed in that pre-testing, that a lot was aimed toward eating disorders. Yet everyone fails to notice that there are some of us out here who need help with feeling too skinny. How come larger people and insecure people always  get the help, when there's others out here who need some too. WE get tired of doctors shooing us away and finally don't do anything about it until the damage is already done, and it's not like we caused it to be that way like others. I miss my friends. I miss my family, and I'm signing off now because I'm getting really irritated.      

Big Five personality labels — Extraversion: n, Neuroticism: y, Agreeableness: n, Conscientiousness: n, Openness: y