Sitting here in front of my large window, I notice the rays of sun filtering into my dorm room. Everything feels fresh and clean, except for that pile of clothes laying next to my bed. I love warmth any form of it actually. Sometimes I wonder why my hands and feet get so cold. Does my heart not pump hard or fast enough? My old special boyfriend used to tell me, "cold hands, warm heart. " That was something his mother used to say. I guess she had cold hands too. Right now, I am wondering about my present faith and how that should impact or change my actions and choices. I am no way questioning my faith in God, but instead, how such faith should be transforming me throughout this transition period that I am experiencing. For instance, ever since going through rush and pledging, I have been put into many situations that I am not normally used to. Basically, my biggest concern is partying and or drinking. For me personally, I feel that alcohol is something that I really don't need to have fun. Then, why did I go against my believe and have a drink anyway? After confronting myself in front of my god of such temptation and hypocrisy, I have done much better. Going to the parties, I merely say, "No thanks, I'm fine" when offered the drink. I am so blessed to have the friendship of Jeff. It's funny how close or connected you can feel to somebody when you've only known them for a couple of months. Some of my friendships that have lasted for years are not nearly as close as the companionship that I am experiencing with Jeff right now. The only problem is that I feel myself really starting to like him. Actually, in reality, deep down I have what they call a "crush" for him ever since we met at the Christian camp that we worked at together. I'm not sure what he thinks he is so incredibly complimentary to me, so I have the suspicion that he may reciprocate some of my feelings. All of our discussions circle around God and Jesus. I have never known anybody so passionate for their believes. Overall, it makes me feel like I should be moving in a different direction, a higher one with my relationship with Christ. This takes me back to the partying scene  What I see there is not glorifying God or His name. Yet, if I can, in some way, glorify His name while I am there, then my actions will coincide with my believes, right? In a way, the only thing I can count on is prayer and patience. It makes me think of Moses and his life in Egypt. By faith and trust in God, Moses and his people passed through the Red Sea. I have faith in my Lord that He will provide me with direction and strength, like he promised to Moses in the Bible. This leads me to think about my education. Sometimes I wonder what my future will be like  What am I going to major in? How many years of college will I attend? Will I have a good job? Will I be married? Will I have children?  the questions are endless and sometimes it can even be entertaining to imagine how things will be. I've noticed that when I think about things like this, I always see the fairy tale side of the story. I see myself with a wonderful education, a highpaying and fun job, an incredible husband, and three cute and perfect kids. This fairytale imagination of mine can lead to bad things or to a lost in the grasp of reality. I remember going into high school coming from a small, private middle school and thinking that I would be playing varsity everything, would have tons of new friends, and I even thought that I would be dating a cuter, older guy. Well, this was not the case. Things happened very differently. I ended up, by the end of my high school career having all of these things, but in a different way. I had six very close girl friends (not tons), I had a special guy in my life (actually a month younger than myself), and I made varsity softball (after two years of working really hard). Yet, looking back, I am so incredibly pleased as to how my life has traveled so far. So, looking ahead, I really must understand that as much as I want to pave the way for myself, that sometimes things happen differently than planned. Yet, there is a reason and there is a plan. Even when negative things occur, there is some kind of positive outcome, whether it's realized the next day or ten years down the road. Bad things are going to happen  it's inevitable, but it's essential to try to look at things in a different light, a 

Big Five personality labels — Extraversion: n, Neuroticism: n, Agreeableness: y, Conscientiousness: y, Openness: n