I am very famished right now. I just got back from the psychology class. My stomach is gnawing, and I feel the grinding emotions. I haven't been very energetic the whole day. I almost fell asleep in my calculus class today. This is terrible, because I have never really gotten that tired in high school before. It always just seemed to be the calculus class that I almost fall asleep in. I am very frustrated at school. It is not only that I am a freshman, and that I am still trying to adjust to college life, but it is also due to my classes. For example, I have a biology class, with an excellent professor. However, his teaching assistant is making me really upset, because he can't really speak english. He is Indian, and I am sure he must be very intelligent, but I cannot understand what he is saying most of the time. I understand him on that basis, because I am after all a foreign student, and 4 years of high school have really changed my speaking capabilities. But I guess the older one gets, the harder it is for them to learn and adapt to new things. Anyway, I was vexed too, because he would not explain the questions asked by himself, but he would ask the class to input their answers. I understand that he wants the class to participate as a whole, but he can't just rely on students' answers. After all, we are just as confused. Math class is almost the same, except my math teacher speaks better than him. But Math has always been a tough area of subject for me. I have a bad history of math, and therefore I think that class is prone to my exhaustion. My professor is explaining math thoroughly, and he is very helpful and good, but my dislike for math overcomes me. I know that it is mind over matter, and that if I try to psyched myself to like math, I could probably get to put my energy into it. Don't get me wrong. I have always been a good student. I was valedictorian of my high school, and my high school is one of the best in Dallas. However, there are always some flaws even to the perfect, because no one is infallible, and I tend to procrastinate. This in the end results in my fears now. I am getting so nervous every day, because I am behind in my reading of assignments, and I am   worried that some professors are going to spring out pop-quizzes on me. I  also noticed that I not only tire so easily now, but my attention span has also increased, and my thoughts wander so much to the insignificant matter. I can't seem to concentrate reading in my room, when all the food, bed, noises, and I guess everything seems to distract me. Also, I have never been in a relationship before, not even dating, and in college, I thought it is where one may start for me. I often find myself looking out for guys. Even if I do get into one, I am sure that I will not do anything to jeopardize my future. I really want to be a doctor, and I am right now very worried about medical school. I really want to enter Harvard, and I am rather mad that they deferred me during early decision, and didn't admit me during spring decision. I guess I am being irrational here, but I did harbor the hope that I could get in because of the deferral. But that stumbling block will not trip me, I will still continue to work hard in college, get out with a 4. 0 GPA, and hopefully a high MCAT score, and hope that I can apply to Harvard and get into med school. That would be a very nice, ultimate dream that I would ever want to fulfill. I am very hungry right now, and I am having a major headache trying to think if I should double major in something, because it is not wise just to major in biology, and think that everything including medical school will be smooth for me. I think I will visit my advisor on Friday.     

Big Five personality labels — Extraversion: n, Neuroticism: y, Agreeableness: n, Conscientiousness: y, Openness: y