This summer has been such a burden on me. I am dwelling in it and it is eating me up. I don't know why exactly we broke up I just know that it was completely out of place and unexpected. I find myself digging myself deeper and deeper into it and not really caring what it is doing to me. I just can't seem to let it go. It might be because we were together for so long and go so close. She was the best person God had ever put in my life. We seemed to click, it seemed so perfect, and she told me she felt the same. She told me a couple weeks before she left me that this being her longest relationship was starting to trigger her flight reflexes. She was scared. She told me I meant to much to her and that the relationship meant to me to her. She had just come to terms with the fact that she was in love with me. Something she hadn't let herself do with anyone else before me. It felt so right. I was at such a high, life was so good. I was happier than I had ever been. I became so dependant on her for happiness. I know that is something that was unhealthy, but she had gotten just as dependant on me. We had so many plans for the future. We planned out every step of the way. Factoring in everything including my going off to college and her finishing up her last year in high school. Everyone is telling me to move on, but she told me before she left that if anything ever happened between us, for me not to let her go. She wanted to get through this hell or high water. Nothing was going to tear us apart. During the summer we got closer than ever. We had many plans for the summer. We bought tickets to concerts. Then she went off to camp. She said nothing was going to happen at camp. Four days into it she calls me and tells me that she can no longer be with me. What the hell happened at camp. I go to Warped tour and she with someone else. All I can do is give her a hug and say "Nice pick over 6 feet tall and blonde, just like I said. " Seeing as I was joking around with her a few weeks before saying that she would leave me for someone of that exact same description. Later she calls me and tells me it wasn't what it looked like. I blew up on her. It was a normal reaction. Everything she said before camp got my hopes soaring, and then BANG, everything comes crashing down. Everyone tells me that she probably found someone up there. And I completely defended her. Cause I knew her better than anyone else, not only my thoughts but hers as well. She was just afraid of commitment because she had been hurt so much in the past. Every male figure in her past had let her down, and she couldn't comprehend someone loving her as much as I did. So because all the idiots in her past, I have to be let go because she can't handle commitment even after all the time we spent together. Why did she have to go, we were happy. I don't know what happened at camp. It was more than seven weeks ago that I talked to her. I called this week and left a message she didn't return. I called again today. She picked up we talked for 18 minutes and 36 seconds. She seems perfectly happy, just as free as a freaking butterfly, not caring at all, it seems, about what I am feeling. How is it that she can be so freaking happy being alone and I'm sitting hear eating myself up and being miserable. Is everything that has happened a game to her. I don't understand how I can move past this. I can't. I don't what to do. I gave her everything. And it feels impossible to get it back. I still love her more than I love anyone, including myself. All I can do is sit and write songs about it. 

Big Five personality labels — Extraversion: y, Neuroticism: y, Agreeableness: n, Conscientiousness: n, Openness: y