So, far college life has been pretty cool. I really enjoy the freedom. I think I have a big problem with authority though. I'm terrified of the first test in each class. Especially psychology. Those people are experts on how to mess with students' minds and how to ask questions in order to trick you. I really don't think that there is all that much adjustment to college life. Basically I do the same things I did at home, except now I have to do my own laundry. But the bad thing is that I don't get to cook. I love to cook. I'm also really good at it. Inventing my own recipe gives me such a thrill. My parents say that's why I'm good/like chemistry. That's another thing. I'm really worried that being an engineer will be really hard. This semester my classes are not all that bad, but I still have a long way to go. Everyone says that engineering is the hardest field to go into, especially chemical engineering. I don't really have that much confidence in myself, and basically I just want to pass with Cs. Although I'd do anything to graduate in the Cum Laude. School is really the only thing that I've been better than average in. I don't even think I really excel in that!  There just always seems to be many others that are better than me. For once in my life I want to win something or be the best at something. But, I'm rushing for the Theta Tau fraternity. It is a professional engineering co-ed fraternity. I met some of the members today. They seem to be REALLY AWESOME!  I'm nervous that they won't like me though. They seemed to be interested in me today though. More so than the other people who were there. My boyfriend, whom I love dearly, is pledging the Phi Psi fraternity. I don't approve at all. He spends most of his time with these guys. NOT ONCE has he invited me to go to their parties/outings. HE always comes back telling me how they can't wait to meet me, and how other guys' girlfriends can't wait to meet me. I can't believe that other guys bring their girlfriends, but he doesn't bring me. I know he loves me, but I still feel left out. Most of the time, the activities really are only for the guys though. But on Thursday night they're having the pledge line thing. It's a semi-formal party. He HAS to bring a date, and coincidentally this will be the first time that I meet these guys. I really don't like fraternities or sororities. I hate everything they stand for. But I like Theta Tau because they are not superficial or big partiers and they rally care about engineering and finding a job in that field. These other Greek groups are more concerned with drinking and members of the opposite sex and smoking and conforming to a specific type of person. I DETEST smoking. Ever since my boyfriend began hanging out with these guys he's become a "social smoker. "  I have told him how I feel and asked that he at least not smoke when I'm around because I refuse to kiss anyone that tastes like smoke. Besides, I don't want him to turn into a smoker and have health problems. I care way too much about him. We've discussed the possibility of marriage-much later in life of course. He's really important to me and I'd do anything for him. That's why I hate the fraternity so much. I see the bad influences they have on him. He wants to go to medical school, and he MUST have the grades and the dedication in order to fulfill this goal. He certainly has the potential and I really don't want him to fail. But, I really need to learn to let others lead their lives. I know I can't boss everyone around. I know I'm very controlling and that I've really made some bad feelings between us, but I can't help it. I get a huge blinding and violent surge in me when I think about all that stuff. I hate it when people don't listen to me (usually I end up being right too). Well, that's 20 minutes.  

Big Five personality labels — Extraversion: n, Neuroticism: y, Agreeableness: n, Conscientiousness: y, Openness: y