I've always wondered how the mind works. What are people really thinking when they say one thing. Why do they say one thing and mean another?  People can be so confusing. I wonder what college life will be like, and if there will be people there who will act like that and just say one thing to me while meaning another. It's all so overwhelming right now. Computers have never been my strong point, and all of a sudden, everyone wants everything done on a computer. It's strange and somewhat exciting. I like living out on my own, without my parents watching over everything I do, but I am beginning to get a little homesick. I miss being able to see the stars at night and to feel the breeze on my face as it blows my hair back off of my neck. I went to a star party last night, and the stars were barely visible. I wanted so much to be able to see them, but I couldn't. I felt like I could cry at that moment. I didn't though, because then my friend would laugh at me. He doesn't think I'll make it here on my own. I guess I am somewhat of a Daddy's girl, but I can be alone. I enjoy being able to hear myself sometimes. I have to be alone to write poetry and to think about who I am. I wonder when I'll figure myself out. I want to be somebody important someday. I want to make other people feel welcome and to make myself feel good about helping others. I guess in a way, whenever I try to make others feel good about themselves, I'm doing it with the underlying purpose of making myself feel good. I suppose that's okay, but it seems to defeat the purpose of helping others when all I'm really accomplishing is helping myself. I think life has so many hidden points that no one will ever find all of them. I wish I could search the world over until I could find all the secrets of the history of people's actions, but that will never happen. People are so secretive that so much history is lost. There are some people that claim that it can be found, but there's got to be more exciting history out there. What would the world be like if everything interesting was discovered. Then there would be nothing to wonder about. Things would be dull for the future. I wonder if somebody across the world is taking this exact same course and writing this exact assignment right now as I'm doing. That would be the coolest thing ever. I wish on stars every night and feel that life is to be cherished. I wonder if there is another woman out there with my exact feelings and thoughts, that looks exactly like me, only another color maybe or size. So many questions I ask myself will never be answered, but what if someone is watching me right now across this computer lab and wondering how I feel and what I'm thinking at this very moment. If only I knew, maybe I could meet up with this person and tell him/her my thoughts. I would love to share with someone I don't know. I'm afraid of rejection though. There are so many people on this campus, and hardly anyone has talked to me yet. Somehow I feel inferior to some of them. I don't know why. Everyone is equal, but some people seem so rude. I try to talk to people in my class, because that is how you make friends. So far, I have only made one friend that way. She's really nice. Her name is Christen. I met her in my German class, and we get along really well. We haven't done anything outside of class, but maybe if we keep talking to each other, we'll become closer and maybe she'll even go home with me to visit my parents. I don't understand the need for human contact. We would be so much better off if we didn't get caught up in emotions and feelings. But then again, we wouldn't be human if that didn't happen. I know I could be more efficient if I didn't need anyone else in the world, but as it is, I have faults. That's okay, though. Everyone has faults. It's just part of being human. I hope the world is full of exciting adventures for me. As I come to a close on my writing, I feel purged of all my frustrations. I had a good cry this afternoon. I miss my boyfriend so much, but I know I'll see him again soon, and that makes me very happy. I hope I can become even happier with where I am now. Hopefully, I'll be able to find me. 

Big Five personality labels — Extraversion: y, Neuroticism: y, Agreeableness: y, Conscientiousness: n, Openness: y