Well today I went with my friend Kai to his Texas Crew orientation. He tried to get me to join, but I just don't think that Crew would be the sport for me. I prefer to play volleyball above all other sports. Just this past week, I signed up for the volleyball teams here at UT. I would really enjoy to play for the school, or at least on a team, competing with others. I used to play volleyball every weekend with my family back in Houston, I guess that's why I like it so much. I miss being around my family, but I know that they are proud of me for being here at UT. I wanted to go back this weekend, since it's a 3 day weekend, unfortunately, I am a little behind in my classes, so I wanted to take advantage of this time to  catch up and maybe get ahead a little. The reason which I am behind in my classes, which is so unlike me, is probably because I am having trouble reading and concentrating at the same time. I believe that this is happening because of the long summer. Well just now my ex-boyfriend instant-messaged me, which for some reason I have been avoiding. I guess because I don't want anything to do with him, I don't even consider him a good friend. Just now, my friend whom which I met through Hang Out, a gay organization here on campus, instant-messaged me asking me to go out. He has been taking me out, to places I wouldn't even think of going, since I arrived here at UT. Now him I do consider him a good friend. He is a really good guy, really fun to be around with. I don't know if I am starting to develop feelings for him, which would not be a good thing at all since he is about to leave the school. I spent last night at his house, just hanging out, talking about whatever came to our minds, and fell asleep on his bed. Nothing happened, but for some reason, I sort of wanted something to. I believe that I wanted something to happen because I have been feeling very lonely these past few days, maybe because of I need a boyfriend, or the whole owing the bank money and not having any to give, or not going home for the weekend. Or maybe I just genuinely like him. Well I guess we will soon find out because my scholarship check arrived at my house in Houston 2 days ago, and my mom is going to mail it to me, and if all goes as planned, I will be able to keep the money for myself, if financial aid allows me to. So I will use that money to pay off my bank bill. And today, my mom called, and I felt like I was there even though we are 3 hours away, which took away my wanting to go there for this weekend. Right now, I don't want a boyfriend for various reasons. One, I have decided to put off sex until I get tested for HIV. I don't have suspicions that I may have it, but I have had unprotected sex, and so I just want to be sure. Second, I need to stay focused on my school work, and having a boyfriend may distract me. Third, I just don't know if I can handle going through what I went through with my ex all over again. Not that it would necessarily happen again, but I just don't want to take the risk. Or maybe I should just be brave and take a risk. I need to do a lot of soul searching to come up with my decision. 

Big Five personality labels — Extraversion: n, Neuroticism: y, Agreeableness: y, Conscientiousness: n, Openness: n