aimagic/big5essay huggingface dataset:
College life is so much different than anything that I have ever experienced in my life. It is so neat how you come here knowing so few people, and by the third week you are best friends with a group of guys from some place you have never heard of. I would never have guessed that I would get a roommate that is engaged and is never here, or break up with my girlfriend, or even meet so many different people. What is so neat about it is that you meet somebody new every day. You meet those people, then you meet their friends, and then their friends, and before you know it you have this huge network of people that you thought you would never meet. The other thing about college that was different was the incredible urge within me to surround myself with people that I previously did not know. That is why I broke up with my girlfriend. I was being stubborn and was thinking to myself that there are so many women here and I will find somebody else. Sure there are plenty of other people here, but not one has been as cool as Monica was. Now I can't decide if I want to get back with her or if I want to stick it out and find someone different. When thinking about this decision, the saying, "don't fix it if it ain't broke" always comes into my head. We were happy together and we had fun, so why should I not stay with her. Then again we did have our bad times and there are so many other people here at UT. I don't know what to do so I'll move to another topic. This semester I am taking 17 hours of course work. I have six different classes and everybody thought life was going to be so hard for me, but it really has not been to bad. You have so much time to get everything done in college. Where in high school I was playing 3 different sports and taking hard classes, now I am just taking those hard classes. It is nice to be able to do whatever I want when want. I am used to having my parents around nagging me about homework and studying, but they can only call and do that here. Just because I am not feeling to swamped with 17 hours doesn't mean that I want to continue taking that many hours from here on out though. After this semester I only have to take like 13 hours a semester, which will be even better. That is unless I decide to study abroad. By writing about exactly what I have been thinking about, I can now see what has been wearing on me since I have been here. I mean I knew what the basis was for all I was thinking about, but until now I hadn't really thought about how all this stuff has such an effect on me. I have always and always will worry about my schoolwork and about girl problems, so that doesn't really come as much of a surprise to me. However it does surprise me that taking 17 hours doesn't really bother as much as I was thinking it was. 

Big Five personality labels — Extraversion: n, Neuroticism: n, Agreeableness: n, Conscientiousness: n, Openness: n
Just sitting down and actually listening to your thoughts has become a rare event for most adolescents. I think it would be wise if I put myself on a quiet place and just thought about things such as my life, beliefs, and future. Today I went to a meeting for KVR News and received tons of information about the station and what I needed to do if I wanted to be apart of it. The meeting was extremely informative, almost too informative. My head was spinning by the time I left the station. I learned so much and that was only the tip of the iceberg. I feel as though I am behind in life right now. I'm definitely already behind in my schoolwork, but in other things too. I still feel as though as I am at camp not in my new home. My other friends already feel comfortable here. It also seems like there are numerous assignments and activities that I can't fit into a twenty four hours! I miss my best friend named Dana. She went to Tulane. She is doing well which makes me happy. Speaking of happiness, certain things in my life these days are causing me to experience extreme happiness. This is impressive because a year ago I was debating whether or not anyone could obtain true happiness. Now I am a firm believer. You see, about three months ago I met a beautiful guy by the name of John. He is intelligent, funny, artistic, and the best boyfriend a girl could ask for. This has been the longest not to mention the only serious relationship I have ever been in. John makes me feel pretty. He looks out for me and he loves me. When I am with him I am completely happy. Another strong catalyst to my blissfulness is food and the Jester Cafeteria has been coming through. Of course, I have to focus in quantity not quality! Whenever I eat there I get lost in the selections. So much to eat so little space! Though I reach these peaking moments of happiness, every once in a while they disappear. When I was filling out my pretesting questionnaire I started to feel depressed. All the questions were bringing up topics and ideas that made me think about how I handled issues. I'm not good at issues. I tend to bottle things up. I'm not good at verbalizing my emotions. This combination is dangerous. Sometimes I wonder if I have made wise choices. I wonder if my parents miss me. I wonder if my friends long to see me too. My selfconfidence is like one crazy roller coaster. One minute I am a gorgeous intellectual woman who knows what she wants and the next I am an ugly confused little girl who can't figure anything out. It is a good thing for me to acknowledge these things and occurrences in my life. I am very thankful for what God has given me. 

Big Five personality labels — Extraversion: y, Neuroticism: y, Agreeableness: n, Conscientiousness: y, Openness: y
Now I've really come to see that life would be much better once you're gone. This is a good song. Only girls like it though. Bye Bye Bye. Fool for you. I don't feel this way about Jason at all. I am really in love with him. I can't let my parents know. I don't like hiding the way I feel from them but they would never like Jason if they knew I loved him so much. I am looking at our picture right now. That is the picture that I looked at the whole time I was in Europe. He looks so good but it seemed like I almost forgot what he looked like after a month. Just looking at that picture wasn't enough. I'll never be able to tell him what happened. I love him too much. If I really love him that much, would I have done it? I think it was something I had to do to get that nasty feeling to go away. I don't regret anything. I still can't get adjusted to this new college life. I guess it will take more time. I know I'll love it soon. I always want Jason to be here when he's not and when he's here I feel like he's tying me down. He is really understanding about my adjustment though. I jut hate it when he gives me a guilt trip. He also thinks he superior to me too much. Whether it be with sex or life experience. He has experienced more than me but there are a lot of things that I know better than him. He doesn't think that. That is all the complaints I have about him. God, I am totally in love with him. What did he do that captured me? His looks defiantly were the reason at first. He feel in love me much sooner than I fell in love with him. I'm still catching up and now I am put in the setting where I have a lot of other options. I still choose him over anyone. There isn't another guy that has all his qualities. I have defiantly not seen anyone as hot as him. He's gorgeous to me. I miss my parents. I wish I didn't have to so secretive with Jason around them. They know how I feel, just they don't know how much. It bothers them already and they don't even really know. How am I supposed to tell them? I want them to get along with him. I think someday they will  once they realize how I feel they'll support anything I decide. Looking at Jason and me compared to Erich and Lisa is weird. I can't see how Lisa loves Erich judging by the way they fight. They'd never make it. Jay and I never fight unless it's over something really dumb and then we forget about it two seconds later. Maybe its cause we don't see each other as much. That is going to change because we're so much closer. Lisa and Erich fight more now that they're apart. It sucks for her and me for that matter because I hate the way she's always upset. It will end soon and she'll get over it. 

Big Five personality labels — Extraversion: n, Neuroticism: y, Agreeableness: n, Conscientiousness: n, Openness: y
Well I figured since I want to go to bed at midnight I would write for 20 minutes now so I don't forget. I always tend to think at night. Stuff runs through my mind because I let it wander. I don't know if this is a bad thing or a good thing, but I do it anyway. I just finished studying for a chemistry test tomorrow. It is my first college test so I am a little nervous. I know that I have to do well in all my classes in order to get into medical school. I think I will do fine though. I have done all that stuff before in high school. So far the largest difference I have noticed between high school and college is that the professor expects you to know what he or she is talking about. They don't explain things as thoroughly as they do in high school. Oh well I guess I will become accustomed to it. I don't mind the reading I have to do so that isn't too bad. I have met a lot of new people here and I like the college a lot. One thing I do want though is a girlfriend. I like this one girl but she has a boyfriend back home so it is kind of hard. I seem to be able to pick out the ones that have boyfriends all ready. I was in the same situation almost with one of my good friends that just left for the Navy. I say almost because she liked me also, but had been going on with her boyfriend for a long time. We were friends back in seventh grade but then she moved and we kind of kept in touch through the years and then on day she called and I hadn't heard from her in over a year. I told her that we had to get together and do something. So I went over to her house for spring break and we spent the next two weeks together. I had so much fun. I felt as though we were meant for each other. It is kind of hard to explain the feeling I had when I was around her. Well I told her and she said that she liked me too but couldn't break up with her boyfriend and then go out with me. I asked her why not and she said that she couldn't be with me and then have to leave for the Navy. I talked to some of my friends and they said that it was because she knew that I would not let her leave and her current boyfriend would. I don't know if that is it or not, but regardless we went out a whole lot and spent a bunch of time together. I always had a wonderful time with her. Then I left and then she left. I came here and she is in Chicago for boot camp. I miss her a lot. Then I met this one girl from my high school, which I knew but not that well. In the last few weeks we have become real good friends. She reminds me of my friend in the Navy, and I can't figure out if that is one of the reasons that I like her or not. I think it might play a bit of a role in it, but I am not sure. Well she has a boyfriend also so I am in the same position as before only I am not sure how she feels towards me. I received a post card from my friend in the navy today. It felt good to hear from her. I have to write her back tomorrow. Well it is midnight so I think I am going to head to bed. I know that I will continue to think through the night. That is just what I do. 

Big Five personality labels — Extraversion: y, Neuroticism: n, Agreeableness: y, Conscientiousness: y, Openness: y
I met this guy Mark Thursday and today we had breakfast together. I really like him, but I don't know how to express myself around him. I get a selfconscience feeling, but he seems excited when we talk. I have a nervous tick in my stomach when I think of him, like now. I feel like calling or emailing him, but I can't find the guts to. At breakfast, it took my five minutes before I could stop shaking. No one noticed but I could feel my knees quiver. School is not exactly what I thought it would be. There is so much reading, and I don't know if I'm absorbing it all into my brain. So many fun things to do, I make myself sit and read. I try so hard to focus on the page and words, but my mind wanders. I try to read ahead to be prepared for the next class, but I suffer as much failure as I do success. I have a club meeting tonight and tomorrow night and I'm lucky if I get the times and meeting places correct. I guess that's why I bought a cool UT planner which I carry with me everywhere! My mom was the same way I am. She procrastinated more in college than I am and did very well. I don't want to fail. I think about failing and it makes my stomach hurt and I zone out, pushing the thoughts of failure to the back of my mind, but they always pop out again. I miss the familiar faces and places of Port Lavaca. I miss driving my the bay in the evening and the sounds of the cottonwood trees in the front yard. Tears come to my eyes. I haven't cried in a very long time, not even when I came back from the long Labor Day weekend. When I talk on the phone with my parents I swallow the lump in my throat and hold back the tears. I want to succeed here and I'm am doing a good job of breaking the university into a smaller, less overwhelming place. As a little girl, I came to many UT football games. My dream was to be a student here. Considering I was in the top ten percent of my graduating class the task was not a hard one. I love the university and I'm glad I choose UT over Southwest Texas. Southwest does have the best Speech Pathology program in the state, but I can not see myself anywhere, but here. When I think of that the sadness goes away, but I'm still left with an incredible amount of work that I am trying to accomplish. My dad works very hard. He only went to college for two years, and then to work for the family company. I can't tell if he likes work. He almost hates his sister's husband. I don't like him either. A total jerk and I feel sorry for my cousins, one of whom only calls home when my aunt is there. I think my dad is happy. He always coached mine and my brother's basketball league games. He loved it. He was an average student in high school, most likely had ADD or ADHD. We've always been close, but sometimes I feel like he disregards my feelings. We're both athletic, but I got the heavier build of my mother and my dad is slender, but muscular. Sometimes my dad gets mad at my brother and I, but our mother tells us that he always feels bad afterwards. I hope he knows I love him very much. 

Big Five personality labels — Extraversion: y, Neuroticism: y, Agreeableness: y, Conscientiousness: y, Openness: n
this assignment should be interesting but at the same time inhibited my slow typing. I do not like to use computers especially the internet. I had such problems on the internet when I was applying to ut that I almost did not get in because of them. but I am here now and happy. the one thing I am surprised about at ut is that there aren't more blacks or persons of color. I guess that is just the way things go. there are a lot of other ethnicities represented here though. my high school graduating class of 100 had 6 minorities in it. ut is a bit of a change. but for the better I am sure. my high school on Houston was private and some would venture to say snobby. I agree but a lot of times it was nice being in a homogeneous world. it reminds me of our country club in Houston. 1000 memberonly wasp. it is really not all that bad, though from a member's perspective. I like being one in a big heard of the same type of people. that is why I joined a fraternity up here at ut. it is fun and a good way to meet girls and guysmostly whom are white. I totally understand, value, and enjoy the perspectives of minorities though. last year in a history discussion class there was a Hispanic girl and she brought so many unique and amazing perspectives to the table although most of them had to do with religious based ideas. Speaking of religion I need to get some while I am up here in college. nobody has enough time for religions up here it seems but wouldn't that be so much better if they did. I find religion to be the best thing on the face of the earth although I do not get or have enough. the problem is it is difficult to do so and the results are not as immediate as a good grade on a test or anything else you work hard for. I miss my home church but I will probably end up going back there. I probably will end up moving back to Houston when all of my schooling is done. just like my dad and his dad's dad. I am a 7th generation Harris county resident and that makes me happy. I wonder how many times I have used the word 'I' in this writing. how many minutes have I written for only five to go. I might be a slow typist. never could type to well. not good hand eye coordination. my brother has good hI coordination. my wisdom teeth hurt and I need to get them removed or just take some more Advil. speaking of Advil and the thing that I thought I would be using them the most for, hangovers, I don't even drink half as much up here at school as I did back in high school. maybe that is a good thing. 2 more minutes. my hands are a bit sore. what to write or think about. today was a good day I hope that that girl I met at dinner tonight has an interest in me and not my friend Michael. she said she liked Michael. He has a girl friend though who is coming to town soon. I bet she is good looking 

Big Five personality labels — Extraversion: y, Neuroticism: n, Agreeableness: n, Conscientiousness: n, Openness: y
Well right now it's 10:50 and I am thinking I'll be out of here in about twenty minutes and then I'll get something to eat, I feel very hungry it is probably because I didn't eat much last night or this morning, anyway I just remembered I have to cut the grass today what a pain. by the time I get home I am going to be so tired that I would just want to go to bed but no I have to cut the grass I guess I should forget about going to the gym today even though I promised myself I will go to the gym every Tuesday and Thursday. but o well at least I don't have to work today thinking about work I remembered there is that boat party next weekend that should be a lot of fun I haven't been to the lake for couple of months now, we used to go every week. it seems like a long time but it has only been about 6 minutes that I have been writing. I wander if I should return my study guide for calculus. I don't know if I need it or not. I am sure it will come in handy when doing homework but it is not required to have and it costs. I don't know maybe 40 dollars. It makes the job easier but at the same time I have to learn and try instead of just copying off the study guide. that was pretty nice of that guy giving me his psychology book for free I don't even know him. I was willing to pay half how much he paid for it but o well I probably should give him a gift card of some sort. Maybe I'll get one from work like a 30 dollar gift certificate. I feel kind of dizzy. I went to sleep late and then I had to wake up at seven to catch the bus and get here for my 8:30 discussion class to find out that they just covered the problem that I had questions about. and now I have been here at the lab for couple of hours string at screen doing my assignments for my computer science class. My eyes are getting pretty tired and the screen is becoming harder to focus on. I don't think this is good on my eyes definitely not. Well so far sitting here doing this has been the most fun I have had so far today, but still I just can't wait to get out of here. But hey where am I going to go? go to the bookstore and return the book? Or go to library and study for my macroeconomics class? maybe go to the gym ? no I am hungry I probably should get something to eat I don't know if I should call Vivian see if she wants to go get something to eat but she is probably sleep. I could call Lisa, I have to call somebody because I hate eating by myself. 

Big Five personality labels — Extraversion: y, Neuroticism: n, Agreeableness: n, Conscientiousness: y, Openness: n
What is love of an emotional basis? How do you know you are in love? Is there a boundary to love? Are there limits? Many people ask these questions, including myself, but cannot find an answer to these questions. I believe that this can only be found out by experience, where you test these limits and grow by it. I have noticed in my personal life that I grow emotionally and mentally each time I find a new partner. Love must be a learning experience right? It seems to be that way. I was first involved in a relationship in my sophomore year of high school, were I felt as if I was in love with this girl. We took it to the extreme where we contemplated about getting married and planning the number of kids we would have. But this form of love seemed to build so quickly. As I looked back at the letters we wrote each other, it seems we fell in love in a matter of a month or two. How cold that be? Does love come at once, or does it grow on you? Nine months later, we ended our relationship. It seemed to be the most painful event I had experienced. I next felt like I loved a girl I barely knew. We dated, but nothing came of this, however the crummy feeling you feel after a relationship is over lasted almost a half year. How could someone I just dated for a span of a month create such an effect on me? By my senior year, sometime in January, I became interested in another girl. By this time I had felt that I had grew and I would be able to make this girl happy, and would not make he same mistakes I did with the last girls. As time passed my love grew for this girl, something I had not felt in so long and so strongly. Eventually (1 year and 1 month) things deteriorated. How could I have let this love slip? I thought I had mastered the relationship sector of my life. During the Summer I met a new girl, whom I am currently with. I don't want to make the same mistake I have before but is it inevitable. Will this relationship be like the others, or will I love her stronger than the other girl?  

Big Five personality labels — Extraversion: n, Neuroticism: y, Agreeableness: n, Conscientiousness: n, Openness: y
Right now I have a serious feeling of relief. It is the night after my first day of college, and it feels nice to be home. My legs are tired. I miss my dog and my boyfriend. I wonder what he is doing right now. I hope I am doing this right. I guess there is no right or wrong when it comes to my thought process. I guess it just happens the way it wants to. I hope that I can get back into the whole school "flow" again. I hope that I can get into it enough that I can get into the business school. I can feel you laughing at me already. Everyone seems to think that I can't do it. I know I can. I will. My mind is blank. I am so worn out. I haven't walked so much in one day than I did this afternoon. I hope I am not sore tomorrow. I need to find out where I need to go in the morning. What time do I have to wake up? My class is at nine thirty. Great! Why hasn't my boyfriend called me? He was supposed to an hour ago. Wonderful! Oh, I have to call my mom. I wrote a check today that I have to tell her about. How much was that thing? That reminds me. I have to set up Telesys tomorrow. Just one more thing to add stress to my day. I should work on my typing. What is that noise? I need to take a shower. Maybe I will wait until morning. I should call all my friends back home to give them my new house number. I wonder how college life is going for them. UT started late this year. Thank God! I don't feel rested, still. What time is it? Five minutes to go. I feel like my mind is blank. Whenever I try to "hear" what I am thinking, the only thing I end up thinking about is trying to think. That made absolutely no sense. I'm hungry. I really need to be more open. I've gone all day without meeting anyone new. I need to work on that. Oh, time's up. 

Big Five personality labels — Extraversion: y, Neuroticism: y, Agreeableness: n, Conscientiousness: y, Openness: n