I am waiting for Brad to get home. I hope that he's talking to Michael because they need to figure out what's happening before things get worse. I can't believe he's being so petty about this whole ordeal. Seriously, was he expecting us to pat him on the back and say how proud we are that he's started smoking pot. . not just a little either. . but massive amounts?  I don't quite understand how on earth he can simply think that just because he's been on medications and is immune and he's sick and is in pain that that is a valid excuse. We all have our issues to escape from, while i'll agree that yes none of us face exactly what he's going through with his disorders and his back, we have our problems too. I hate to see him like this, feeding himself bs to justify it. He knows it was wrong, i honestly think he knows its wrong and he claims he regrets it but deep down i don't think he does. This is his rebellion. What kills it the most is that it shows just how hypocritical he can be. Maybe a year ago he was bashing one of his really good friends for doing something so similar. . the guilt trips, the icq away messages, the finger pointing. Its all the same. I know thats what scares brad so much about it, because michael is his best friend, and he can't stand to see him turn into benny. Neither can i. I've known one too many people who end up permenately stoned so bad that they can't remember anything past the last fix. Its so sad to watch them as they stop being able to function. I know, just know that one of these days i'm going to get a call from someone saying that one by one they're dying off. Its so sad. Some of my best friends have become drug addicts and have nearly lost their lives because of it, and yet they continue to use it. Now they might as well be dead. . they have no personality and they'll never be the same people they once were. Drugs make you petty. They've all become petty. I worry how this effects brad. He's right, Michael basically is his only friend, guy friend anyway. If Michael were to hold this against him it would definately kill him and would seriously screw with his future. Brad has a hard time making friends. I'm actually incredibly surprised we're even together conisdering his track record. He's the shyest drama major I've ever met. He won't talk to people. I have to talk for him sometimes, and he gets upset if i don't introduce him. Most people know who he is, they just don't believe me. When i talk about him i talk about either why he's got me frustrated or how great he is, and when he meets my friends nothing. . he sits there and stares. He promises he'll try and its not something i hold against him. . yes it kind of annoys me but i seriously don't hold it against him. Marked up as one of his quirks. I have so many i guess i can't really hold his agianst him since he doesn't hold mine against me. I can't believe that Michael would hold a grudge. . he's always gotten so mad at me for having my grudges since last year and always lectured me and i've listened and tried not to hold what they did to me against them, that whole christian turn the other cheek forgiveness thing. I'm trying. . honestly i am. BUT i must admit life is SO much easier when i don't have to be around them. No constant reminder of all the stuff that happened last year. Its a new chapter in my life and its so great that although they followed me here, they don't have to be a part of it. I just want brad to be happy. The old michael wouldn't have had this problem, but he's changed recently, and definatley not for the better. Almost makes me feel the need to return the favor. Just as they controled and manipulated and abused me last year, he is their victim now, and it makes me so sad. He's a great guy. He just should have taken his own advice and gotten out of there as fast as he could. Trevor would have understood, and if he's anything like they claim, he DEFINATELY would not approve of the life his friends have chosen. Drugs won't bring him back. He died its time for all of them to move on. I just don't know if they'll ever realize that. Some won't ever . . i wonder if we can make micael see that before its too late. 

Big Five personality labels — Extraversion: n, Neuroticism: y, Agreeableness: y, Conscientiousness: n, Openness: y