Good Morning. Eventhough it's 12:30pm that is still morning in college hours. They say you need a minimum of 8hours at my age, but I feel ten is a little more at par. I'm trying to wake up so the music of the late Elliott Smith, a quiet honest indie-rock musician but my roommates won't turn down the overwhleming bass of whatever it is they're listening to. It's kind of frusterating but after it's all dried up, I don't think I could have got  better roommates. I love sitting at my laptop when I wake up like this with the curtains open letting the austin sun flood in like a warm bath. Our apartment is a hellhole after weekends of careless partying. It's absurd really. So monday night I found out from some of my friends in College Station that my girlfriend, or x-girlfriend, has already been cheating on me there. Damn Aggies. can't live with them, can't kill them. It's a cruel world. But I'll be better off without her I think. I talk to my brother about the experience, the unforgettable feeling of a broken heart. Where everythought of the person, especially with someone else, makes you want to vomit. But you still want to kiss them, even though they just kissed you with a boot to the face. But I suppose it's like Morgan Freeman says in the movie Seven, "love costs, it takes effort. " That's true. Back to my brother, he has been through this experience more times than anyone person deserves. He told me the trick is to realize that you are better off, in most cases. For instance Alyssa, my x, was beautiful no doubt. God she was gorgeous, which always made me wonder what she saw in a low-down dead-beat like your author. But she has no conscious knowledge of art. Ignorance isn't the problem, she just doesn't care about things beyond looks, impression and money. And well obviously she doesn't know what "love" really is. But then again maybe I don't either. But I know I loved her, I believed her lies. I bought the  false love she was selling for cheap. I still love her I suppose, I can't deny it. But she loved herself, before she loved me. And now I have to do the same. I have to be strong and let time heal all. Another thing  my brother said was how she didn't have that one thing. Like I was talking about her lack of care for art, and the beautiful small idiosyncracies of life. She had beauty, she had the ability to kill me with her eyes and her smile, but she lacked that one thing. And I quote Ben Harper, "So many people to love in my life, why do I worry about one?" I know there are better people out there so. And I have to be the nicest cheated on boyfriend ever. I honestly felt bad after I chewed her out and she was crying. Try and figure that one out. I suppose I'm just the nice guy that they say finishes last. But I don't believe that saying. Nice guys don't finish last, they just get shit on until they get the best in the end. I believe that if you hold out, if you stand true to yourself while still remain vulnerable to the love others have to offer, you will find them. I'm glad I don't have class today, makes it much easier to relax, despite the fact how much I enjoy college compared to high school. High school, what a joke. You are not pushed, you are not inspired. In high school, you are simply encouraged to be another sheep in the herd. To conform and be normal. I always saw high school as a factory for the confused and dilusionary youth of our country. But then again I am just one person. So I try to go out there, find small things to make me happy, if only temporarily to just get by. I guess that's my motive for life, for living happily and in peace. I try to never get out a high horse of beliefs or opinions. I think sometimes it's good to be apathetic and passive, and other times it is not. For instance, your friend wants to smoke a cigarette in your car. Just relax and roll down the windows and cruise. But if your friend refuses to vote when he is done with that cigarette, that is unacceptable. It's sad when people don't care important issues. I guess I just think too many people care too much about insignifigant issues, when the yard needs to be mowed or who won american idol, and too little about the major issues, war, politics, etc. I think life is a crazy thing. A conitinuous expanse of consciousness and action. I think that maybe one day, I'll have all the answer, and then I will die. Maybe  one day I will find a love that is true. Maybe. Maybe I think too much.       

Big Five personality labels — Extraversion: n, Neuroticism: n, Agreeableness: n, Conscientiousness: n, Openness: y