When asked to write about my subconcious it just blocked everything that was in my mind. Let me see. well today I went to this Sigma Phi Omega Rush event and that has been in my mind ever since. Everyone there was so nice, everyone was smiling and introducing themselves and it makes me wonder is that how they really are? Or are they just doing that to get us to like their organization so they can take our money? Maybe I'm being paranoid, but those people were just really very very friendly that it felt like some horror flick full og nice smiling faces and they wait for the right moment to attack. During this event they had us fill out a questionare kind of like an application. One of the question was "What quality do you have to contribute to the organization?"  The thing was I couldn't think of anything to say. I mean I am not a talented singer or anything or a pianist. I am just me. Isn't that enough? Then later on they interviewes us and they taped us! How embarrasing! They asked questions that will catch you by surprise! Like "What song best describes you?" I was like ummmmmmmmmmm OH OH the first thing that popped in my mind was Butterfly by Mariah Carey. I just made up some bogus answer that it symbolizes freedom and independency. honestly though I had no idea at the time what Butterfly was about or was talking about. I wonder if they know!? Oh well. I've been debating with my friends if I should join or not because it seems like a great experience meeting new people and all. The only thing that I am worried about is will they accept me for who I am or do I have to be the typical sorority chic? and I forgot to mention. Pledging is the big secret it is supposed to last 8 weeks! and no one can mention what exactly goes on during this 8 weeks!  DO we have to clean toilets or what? Maybe that is why they keep it a secret because once all the Rushees know about it they will think again before they join. Makes me wonder what pledging is all about. A lot of people think that joining a sorority is a good idea especially for social reasons. I would describe myself as friendly and sometimes outgoing, but I can be pretty shy with strangers. is that weird? It's just that some people I meet is just that I have no idea what to talk about, it is as if I freeze and don't know what to say. It is also kind of embarrasing because you look like a total fool if you don't know what to say or do especially with someone who doesn't know you very well. I think the reason why I sometimes feel that way, is that I feel intimidated and I feel really awkward. Like I do right now because I feel like I am runing out of things to say. Actually to think about it sororities do take up much time. Just to go to Rush events I have spent approximately 8 hours already and I haven't even been in it yet. It was for two organizations. Tomorrow is the party and I am not really looking forward to it because deep down inside I want to stay in my dorm and study instead of going to the Club. Lately I have been lazy and haven't been doing much but I promise myself that I will study and get the grades my parents deserve to see after all they've done for me. And if they ever find out I went to these meetings instead of study they won't be so proud. But I think one of the reasons that parents don't understand these tings, is because all they want me to do is study. I guess going and Rushing for these sororities is kind of my way to rebel. I know it sounds weird, but that is how I feel. 

Big Five personality labels — Extraversion: y, Neuroticism: y, Agreeableness: n, Conscientiousness: y, Openness: n