It's hard to believe that my first year of college has begun. It's almost like I am at summer camp for a week, and I will be returning home in a week. However, that is just a false reality in my head. It's hard for me to grasp everything. It seemed to happen so fast. I left behind my family, my friends, my cheerleading squad, my town. Everything that is familiar has been traded in for a world of experience and confusion. What time is my next class? Where IS my next class? Where is everyone going tonight? It's mass confusion in my head. I want to be successful at college: academically, spiritually, emotionally and physically. I have already begun a steady workout and eating habits that make me feel good about my self, and so far I have enjoyed all of my classes. However, there's still that little thought in the back of my head that I am not getting everything done. I feel like there's this list of things to do ALL THE TIME and no matter what I do, I will never get them done. I have to admit, my first week of college was completely awful. I hated every moment of it. I cried everyday, called my mom, acted like a real baby. It was as if there was this strike against me that made sure NOTHING went my way. But as I have gotten used to the schedule and made a few new friends things seem to be looking up. I still feel like I don't fit in. This miniature "society" at the University of Texas is like a town within itself, and all of the citizens in this "town" seem so superficial. I don't feel like I have met anyone with one natural thought in his or her head. I can't believe how strange it is. It's as if the whole campus is full of sorority girls and fraternity guys. (No offense, it's just not me) I want to feel like a part of things but for the life of me I can't get in "the loop. " I make a few friends here and there, but as far as personalities, I feel like I am too real for everyone I have met. I am hoping that by next semester I will begin to make this dorm room my home and the people around me my family. It's not so much that I am homesick as it that I just miss fitting in. Back in High School there were no worries. Everything was laid out for you; only a few minor decisions to be made. I fit in so well. I knew my way around, I knew what was going on at all times; it was like a utopia in my little town of Sugar Land, TX. The only problem with the whole "high school thing" is that I was definitely a stereotype. (Another superficial moment in my life) I was a cheerleader all through High School. People at my school assumed I was a snobby, selfish girl who only thought the world of myself as well as my other cheerleader friends. They never even got the chance to know me. I can say right off- I am far from snobby. I love everyone and everything in this world. I am out to harm no one, except my self emotionally every once in a while! Why do teenagers feel the need to be so judgmental of each other? Why is it that I can't drive my Mustang Convertible in my cheerleading uniform without feeling like I am straight out of a "Saved By The Bell" episode? I am thinking that over time, an image has been created in everyone's mind on how things should be, and how people should look. Who is to say who and what we are? Why do I feel like I am always answering to someone? I can't make a decision without someone LOVING IT and someone else HATING IT. I hate the fact that the media has pounded into our brains what and who we should be. This is real life people. When you are doled out your genes-physical and personality-you don't get a choice. Some people honestly can't help the way they are. So why do we take the time to stop and make them feel even worse about their insecurities? I think the answer is within our OWN insecurities. It's sick that people feel better about themselves after putting someone else down. If a girl thinks she has ugly hair, she may announce that "that girl over there" has a horrible sense of fashion. Does that take away from the fact that she has ugly hair? I don't think so! So why has it become so necessary to step on whomever it takes to make you look better? My mind is full of these questions. I just know that as long as I am here, I plan to stay the real, down to earth girl that I am, as to not become a victim of my own insecurities. 

Big Five personality labels — Extraversion: y, Neuroticism: n, Agreeableness: y, Conscientiousness: y, Openness: y