Today I have only one thing on my mind. Her name is mary. I met her at this party a while back and we kinda hit it off. I never reallly saw her or talked to her, but the other day I saw her and it was on. I am really worried about tonight. I have a date with her tonight. I hope I don't screw it up. I hope that she likes me as much as I like her. I hope that I don't screw things up. Well whatever happens happens. This is weird I havent really thought about a gitl this much since Christine, I think that I still think about her sometimes. I don't know why I always do, I just do. I thik it might be because I liked her so much. It is funny because I never slept with her. It doesn't matter that much though, I am a fucking liar. I need to stop lying. I don't do it to be mean or anything I just tell little lies and they get big. I need to be honest with everyone. I am who I am I can't please everyone. I think that one of these days I am really going to get myself into some major trouble. wow I can't type as accurately as I would like to type I want to be able to type with no errors but I think that will be immpossible. I feel really guilty about missing class. I have missed to many classes already I know I am better that that I think I will see how long I have been writing now. sometimes I feel really dumb and unattractive. I am going to hook up with Marry I like her a lot dammit and for gods sake I am going to hook it up. I mean that I want her to be around for awhile I am not going to be scarred of this one. ever since about my sophmore yeah in high school I have been really scared of relationships, but I am not going to be any more. I know that sometimes I will get hurt, but that is just the game that we play. If I want to win I got to play the game. I do want to win. I will win, if I keep playing I have to remind myself sometimes that the game goes on. it doesn't stop because you are having a bad day. Well lU think that I have really kinda lert my mind go off. I am kinda hungry and a ciggerete would also be nice. I can't eat though cause I just ate and that would be dumb. I have been smoking less and now I only smoke lights I think that it is a good thing that I am only smoking lights. a pack of reds would be really good. But I have to smoke lights for a while. I must remeber to only smoke when it is cool. I can't smoke too much tonightbecause I don't want to send the wrong message. I think that my typing is getting a little better. Well maybe it isn't I don't know I wonder if anyone will ever read this. I doubt it If they did really read this they would probbably think that it was complete shit. Maybe not. Who knows I wonder why nobody ever emails me. Well I get stupid forwards but they are really dumb must of the time I wonder what the fuck is really going on in the world these days I want to drink a beer or two or three. I want to get laid. I want love, sex and euphoria. I want it all and I want it to be given to me. I don't want to work, I want to float through life. I want things to be easy I want to pursue my hobbies. I want to get paid for listening to records or maybe making them if someone else wants to listen. I think that music has to be hyping yourself. nobody puts out a record to listen to it themselves. they try to make money. well it looks like my time is just about up. Bye