don't take waste a minute you have to have no worries. spending time with people you love and have fun with is what makes those great memories that you look back on. right now I should be living life to it's fullest ( I should always actually) because things only get more and more complicated. sometimes I feel so confused and it gets me down, but the weird thing is, is that I can't pinpoint what I'm confused about. that's bad for me because then I can't talk to anyone about it--that's what usually helps me get things off my mind. I am going home this weekend to see my brother from l. a. California and he is bringing his new girlfriend. I'm anxious to meet her because she sounds so sweet. I wonder if this is the girl he will marry--I always think of that when a relationship begins. I truly believe that a couple should go out at least one year and a half before they think of marriage--it takes a long time to see all of the other's weakness, and characteristics. it is way too hot for me--it drains me so much. I dropped history because I had a really bad feeling about it--the teacher was on a different level than I was and I could not learn from her. I feel a bit weird and guilty for dropping it because I usually stick things out no matter what, but I need to do well this semester so I had to make sure. I really want to go tubing, or hiking or something outdoors every weekend. being outdoors really relieves the stress in me and I am automatically happy. I miss my dog. some people just don't like to get up and do something. they sit there and think about how much energy it is going to take to do something (such as go tubing) and think about how long it is going take to drive there/  rather than just getting up and doing it!  I need to do things that I think of and when I want. no better time than the present. I hate nightmares. they've been sticking in my head lately all day after I wake up. they seem to  be getting stronger and stronger. I dream about sad or fearful things all of the time. exercise is so important for me ( not to lose weight etc)  it seems to keep me happy and feeling good. it's not a chore for me to exercising. what should I write about. I think I want to go sky diving but I seem to be getting more and more fearful of things. more nightmare--fear of animals getting me. I don't want to be a baby about that sort of stuff because I don't want to miss out on anything. I want to do so much outdoors but it makes it hard when I am so scared of animals. I used to be a tomboy and play with worms and bugs etc but it's a different story now. kids also make me happy. they are full of innocence and curiosity. I could sit there and just watch kids all day. I miss soccer and art from when I was in high school. those are things I enjoyed. I decided that I am going to play intramural soccer here. I hope I have fun in it. I want to do tile paintings when I get older. my mother is so sweet, people seem to take advantage of the nicest people in the world. my brother always gets his heart broken because he is so nice. I want to find him the perfect girl because that's what he deserves!  I love and miss my family so much. we have always been so close and everyone can see it. it's a weird close because we don't show our love to  each other all of the time but we are very very protective over each other and interested in helping every one out. there's five kids. big families can be difficult but there are so many good things about it too!