Hmmm, I am eating a Chupa Chup lollipop right now. It is really good. I don't know what to write because I am trying to just think and when I do that I think about thinking and well, I'm not exactly making sense, but it doesn't work. I am tired. Look at that phone book. Wow. My roomate is blow drying her hair. There is a meeting tonight and she is running for something. I don't know what. Historian, I think. My mom was so mean to me last night. I try to tell her things about my life and she says she doesn't want to know. She does, she's just afraid of what I'll tell her. I'm a good person. I haven't done anything bad. She just doesn't want to know that I have a boyfriend. But, I think she does. She probably doesn't like the guy because he's Mexican. That's stupid. How can a person limit thier options of people to love to just those in their race?  If I didn't think being gay was disgusting, I would say it made sense. Why limit your options to people of the opposite sex?  That's silly. But, I'm not attracted to women, so I don't leave women as opption though. Sometimes I think I don't want to get married. There are so many people getting divorces. I don't want to get divorced. I wish I were a man. They have it so much better. They don't get a period. They don't have to go through labor. Now labor is something that is very special and in a way I think it's very cool that I can experience it, but when I took a child development class in high school it really scared me. I don't think I'd make a very good mother anyway. At least, I'm afriad I wouldn't. But back to why I wish I were a man. Men can pee while standing. Not fair. And they don't even have to take their pants down. Again, not fair. Men get wrinkles, they are distinguished. Women get wrinkles, they are old. Men get in a fight, they are just releasing that testosterone. Boys will be boys. Women get in a fight. Bitches. Men sleep around and they are considered studs. Women sleep around and they are called sluts. Not fair. Of course, no one ever told me life would be fair. Men and women are not created equal. I don't really want to be a man. I'm accustomed to being a woman. Well, I'm not a woman. I'm still a girl. I don't want to grow up, I'm a toys r us kid. There's a million toys at toys r us that I can play with. From bikes to games to video games, it's the biggest toy store there is!  I don't want to grow up cause baby if I did, I couldn't be a toys r us kid!  I really don't want to grow up yet. My my observations, adults generally have very little fun. Adults are always stressed out. I find myself stressing and getting very tense about things. I must be careful about that. I think it's important to stay young at heart. There are times to in which people must be serious, and that's important, but it's also important that people know when to let go and smile. I love college. I thought I would be so homesick when I came here, but I'm not at all. I love it here. I feel so comfortable here and I don't want to go home. I love my parents and the rest of my family, and I guess I miss them sort of, but I'm not homesick. I love Austin. I want to stay here forever. Well, not forever. I want to get out of this country. I want to go everywhere. I would go anywhere I had the oppportunity to go. I don't care where. I want to go everywhere and learn everything. I hope I never lose that feeling. I hope when I am an old woman that I will still be hungry for knowledge. I know that I will never be able to learn everything there is to learn, but I'm going to give it my best shot. It's funny, I look out my window and the sky is so beautiful, but there are all these buildings that are contradictory to the beauty of the sky and nature. If I do live in a big city like Austin, I hope I will be able to go somewhere like Colorado, where I can get back to nature. I think that's important. I don't think I want to live in a big town though, if I have children. I want to raise children in a small town. Not my home town though. The people there are extremely narrow minded and they think the would revolves around that little town. No culture. I wonder where I will live when I am older.