Today is the anniversary of the attack on the twin towers. i havent been thinking about this all day, images or feelings appear or become evident now and then. I sometimes feel very emotional to the point where my eyes my moisten up, and sometimes I feel a bit angry or nervous, thinking about what the world is coming to. We aren't safe anymore, at least the way we were before the 11th. I mean the nice safe world I lived in two years ago was a comfortable one. I didn't doubt the future of humanity, our country, or our safety. Now, I occasionally do doubt. And most of all, thinking about the 11th and how there seems to be evident hate, extreme hate, towards America, I am angry at the world, at people, I don't know who in particular just angry, that this the world my sister, who is 5 will grow up in. She is a very close part of me, I feel very close and love her very much. She's my   little sis.   And to think that she now has to deal with these new realities of the world and people and her country some day, is sad to me. I mean on ond hand I am thinking come on, nothing drastic is going to happen, you live in Texas far from the events, far from danger, she will be fine, I will be fine. And then I get this sense of coumminty and how we are all in this together and how I am American and she is American and we are hated by people who have the power to kill many people, to infiltrate our country and live among us without recognition. this is bad. Alyssa is her name, and she is so adorable, smart, funny, I would be devistated if anything happened to her, I would feel terrible if she felt scared or hopeless about the new world once she realizes what has happened. I feel that it's partially my responsibility to be there for her and educate her of the events and of the new ideologies that Americans have adopted. I am responsible to help her through these events these new realities as much as I can because I do not want her to fear life. I want so much the perfect, safe, comfortable world I grew up in to be the world she will grow up in, but I face the facts and realize that it most likely will not be. I find myself still in this private world of disbelief or like I am alternating bewteen a world where I realize the new threats involved with Iraq and the possibility of war. Just recently, I started paying close attention to the news coverage of Saddam Hessein and his disregard to UN weapons inspections and how he is a tangible threat to our security. Realizing this, going to war is more of a possibility in my mind. I relize the seriousness of the Iraq conflict, the seriousness of the 11th events, terrorists and all that now more than ever. Maybe because I am older or am paying closer attention to the news, reading more articles in newspapers. Nevertheless, I am bothered by this whole change in our world. I have a lot of homework to do, a girlfriend, tuition and bills to pay, a career to study for, I have plans of becoming a doctor one day and I have just recently realized how much work that is going to be. I never anticipated this much stress or responsibilities in college. I am 20, should this much stuff be present in my life?  You know, I heard Amazing Grace today played at one of the memorial ceremonies on TV tonight and was emotionally moved. That song always does that to me. It can played on the trumpet, piano, organ, or bagpipes-it doenst matter, it always gets to me. I wonder what it is about that song that moves me so much. That was the first song I ever played on the piano and trumpet if I am remembering correctly. I miss my parents, mostly my little sister. I am going back this weekend, but I am starting to contemplate whether or not that is a good idea because I have mcuh homework to finish. I guess thats another struggles I am dealing with in my life currently. I started thinking about how much I love my grandparents. They live right up a little path from our house in San Antonio and I realized that they will not be on this earth for too much longer. I would see them all the time growing up and even through high school. Now I rarely ever see them because I am in college. I will, hopefully, have years and years after their deaths to study or do whatever, is it wise and the best thing for me to miss out on the time I have now to spend with them?  Is spending time in college worth the sacrifice I am making. Why can't I spend as much time with them as possible now when we are here on earth together before they pass on.