How revealing am I supposed to be in this assignment? I can never track my thoughts. They always flit around. I am trying to think of something brilliant to write so I won't appear to be a complete imbecile. I just checked the time and just realized how difficult third is going to be. What am I thinking. I think I need to do well in college. Is my studying enough? I mean really. I am not studying as much as you hear is recommended but I feel as if I have a reasonable grasp on what I am learning. How much of an expert am I supposed to leave each class. Chemistry is going to kick my ass. I need to try harder. Why can't I get it. My sat scores are so high but I can't imagine why. I'm supposed to be smarter. Smarter than I am. Smarter than your average Joe. When I talk I am impressive. People applaud me and remark about me as if I'm brilliant. I'm not. I'm just good at bullshit. I think I want to marry my boyfriend. He doesn't treat me well. But I am a bitch sometimes and not a very good person. Does that justify the way he treats me? I cannot afford to think about him all the time. He will cause me to fail. Or so my mom says. The minute I think of her saying not to think about him I do. How can I not. I didn't do this on my word processor first. I mean, what is the point of writing this so freshly and giving you all this insight if I just decide to edit it later and erase my imperfections. My typos are me. I make mistakes. I misspell. Rarely of course. I am thinking nothing right now. I wonder if other people do that. Think of nothing. I think of a blank canvas. Is that nothing? I guess not but I believe you can understand what I am trying to say. you know, every single night that we have been here my boyfriend and I have spent together? My bed is too small. I want to sleep next to him more than anything but it is just so uncomfortable. You can't have your cake and eat it too. Hmmmm. I am so deliciously tired right now. You know the kind of tired where you are cold and you know that nothing on the planet would feel as good as your comforter. Will is annoying me. He has this dumb ass book he will not put down. I hate competing for his attention. Asshole. Oh yeah Will is my boyfriend. I forgot to mention my honey's name. Back to my tired. I just want to stretch out lazily in my bed. It is not really body fatigue. I just want to to go into my cocoon. Something nonacademic. Something cozy. It is mental and social fatigue which I suffer from. Six more minutes. I need to study more and remember how to do empirical stoichiometry. Oh yeah. You can bet I checked the spelling on that one. Today I was called the "s" word by another black person. Sellout. Will is white. Black people hate that. DO you know that in my entire life I have never had a true black friend. The black girls seem to hate me. They think that I am a snob. The black guys listen to the black girls. And I listen to my heart. I love Will. I worry about him. Being with a black girl makes him lack in the eyes of many. It makes him black and he does not get that yet. When he loses his first opportunity, or does not get that promotion he will. Then he will leave me. It's all a matter of time. Why would someone like him want someone like me. Why would someone like me want someone like him. He does not realize that failure in life is not an option with me. Guess what its' been? 20 minutes.