I kind of feel like my best frined in college station is going to change too much and then we went get along like we use to. we connect so well and can laugh about the stupidest things for hours together. she just rushed and I am not into that kind of thing at all. I went to my first frat party the other night and I did not like it at all. all the girls were skanks and I just stood ther for like 20 minutes and totally did not fit it. I feel like I am kind of figuring out who I am now. in high school you kind of do the cool thing and then act just like everyone else. in college since ther are some manyh people, you can act like yourself and do what you want to. it is kind of weird not knowing who I really am. it is kind of like I put up a false front for the past whatever years. ut is a really cool school. I am not making friends like I wish I were, but I feel somewhat of a tenativness whenever I put in a situation with people I do not know. I am not shy or anything, but things are just kind of different and weird. it is nice trying to find myself or whatever though. I have felt kind of weird lately. I don't think I have eaten enough food during the past week. my appetite is not so keen with the dorm food. the food is not that tasty and I don't want to try any kind of meat substances. I need to get some protein though and shape up. with the long days and heat and all of that stuff, I need to eat better so I can have enougth energy. I get what they mean whenever they say people change whenever they get to college. one of my best frineds who goes to ut and I have not spoken in the last 2 weeks. it is for the better though, I kind of think you can be friends for only so long. I wonder how people can just meet someone in class or in the dorms and immediatley that day or the next go out in the night for me personally, it take s a little longer to get to know someone. my roomate is kind of weird. I expect her to be my best frined and stuff, but it is not like that. I was just thinking of when I told my dad I would never leave him and go to college. I was like five years old when I said that. wow. I feel kind of hurt from a couple of friends. one of them is acting very strang around me and won't tell me stuff about her and her so called boyfriend. I don't understand why she jsut wouldn't talk to me and say he this is what is going on! it is not like I am going to jump on her. I am not a mean person, really I am not. I am just meeting so many people and am faced witht he challenge of deciding who I can confide my secrets and fears in and hwo I can't trust. it is a very tricky situation that can't be dealt with correctly. I am starting to feel kind of tired again. I need that extra energy to get me through the day. there aren't very many interesting things about me, I am jsut like any other regullar person, but I think my personality is pretty cool and can be someting fun to get to know. when I was 3, I ate an entire bottle of childrens chewable tylenol because I thought that they tasted good. I had to go to the emergency room and get my stomach pumped, that is th eone thought that jumps into my head as being the most interesting and unusual. those mattresses in our rooms aren;t that comfotable. in certain places there are areas that are pretty bumpy and lumpy. I guess it is from the other people who stayed in these rooms. I wonder how much they clean and sanitize the rooms inbetween the people who stay in them. I wonder how much of the old persons presence can still be found in the room. my mom insisted on cleaning the room when we got here. pretty werid. she is a clean and neat freak. I guess I get some of that from her. I ahve already found myself cleaning and vaccuming our room two or three times in the last two weeks. I just like things to be clean and I don't like to have a dirty room. my side of the room is usually the cleaner side and my roommate has her stuff all over her bed and stuff. I don't know how come there is not that much light in these rooms. you would think that as a dorm room, there would have to be enought light to study, instead, there isn't nearly enough to wash your face and brush your teeth. my desk kind of sucks. ther is only room for the desk and that is about it. my neck gets tired of looking down at my books on my bed. very bad for you.