ahs10/essays-big5 huggingface dataset:
Ok, I am really happy right now because after 2 weeks of BS, I've finally got my computer and Ethernet working so that I could do my psychology  homework. Cool, huh. Well, my best friend from El Paso just called me  and told me she's gonna get a tattoo, which I think is pretty dumb  because she's gonna be stuck with it for the rest of her life. See,  I would get a tattoo, like my zodiac sign or something, but I just  always see myself all grown up and old and wrinkly with a tattoo and I think I would feel pretty dumb for getting it then. Like,  right now I just have my ears pierced once in each ear and Id  like to get 2 more in my left ear and 1 more in my right ear but  its still kinda like Im gonna be to old for that kinda stuff in a  few years, you know?  What else can I bore you with?  Oh, my mom sent  me a package and I got it today, it was my dry cleaning and some pictures of my dog, Morton Taylor Moore, he's a basset hound. Taylor is  a family name, its my granddads and my older brother's middle name. Hmmmmmm. . I'm like so happy that tomorrow is Friday, not like Im stressed out or anything, its just a huge adjustment to go from partying all the time in the summer to only partying Friday and Saturday night, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't  go out on school nights. I really don't have much self control or discipline, but Im working on it. I was so happy last  night, I was in my next door neighbors room and everybody was  checking their email and I was just like no, no one has emailed me, but I tried anyway and low and behold, one of my best friends from El Paso had emailed me, I was so surprised. See, he was  suppose to move to Tullorosa, NM but it fell through when he  got there so he came back, but he's moving to Belize in a day or two but he told me he was going to be back in El Paso for thanksgiving except he didn't have a place to stay, and I really hope my mom doesn't  mind, but I offered to let him stay in our extra bedroom. Oh, then I  did one of the stupidest things Ive done in a while, I told him  that Ive had the biggest crush on him since the day I met him,  GOD I'M DUMB!!! oh well, its over and done with now, can't change the  past, huh. It'd be cool if you could change the past though cause god knows Ive done a whole lot of dumb things in my life. ok, sorry, my  twenty minutes were up 2 minutes ago so have a nice day. Bye
I am sitting here in the dorm computer lab just thinking about how I haven't gotten my computer in the mail and wondering if I will ever get it. Maybe I just wasted a thousand dollars. For some reason, I just became very nervous. I think it might be because I am actively trying not to mess up in my typing. I worry a lot. Why do I worry a lot?  I am worrying about this weekend. I kissed a guy for the very first time. I am eighteen years old and this is the first experience I have ever really had regarding those kinds of emotions. Lately, that is all I can think about. I feel guilty for some reason. I feel like I should have waited for a more special moment. He was the only guy who ever said I was beautiful and we became instant friends. So, he taught me how to kiss. It really wasn't romantic. Maybe that is why I feel like I wasted my first real kiss, because it wasn't in a romantic manner. I just really would like to forget about it. I hope that I do. But, there is another side of me that is glad I did it. I have been in quite a panic because I thought I was the most inexperienced eighteen year old girl. Now, at least I have kissed a guy. I am going home this weekend to my comfort zone. I will probably tell all of my friends about my experience. I know that they will be so excited just because I seem to actually be growing up now that I am away. It smells good. It is probably dinner. I am really hungry. But I am hungry for something spectacular. I haven't eaten anything really good since I came here, not even chocolate. When I go home, I am going to eat spaghetti. Yuuummm!  That is my favorite meal. I will also eat a big piece of chocolate. I can not wait to see my little dog. I love her so much. She really is my best friend. The only thing that saddens me is that she has gotten passed the fact that I am gone. She follows my older brother now. I am glad that she isn't sad anymore, but part of me feels like she doesn't consider me her mother" anymore. I'll just have to get over it. I would rather have her happy than depressed. Sometimes I think I am depressed. My mother went through a depression after my father passed away. My brother just called me and interrupted me. I told him to call me in 5 minutes. Now it is very difficult to continue. I can't go back to the thoughts I was having before. My back is hurting. It could be because I am overweight and have large boobs. I hope everyone else is revealing as much as I am. What if I'm the only person who talks about embarrassing thoughts. I will be really embarrassed if someone would read this. I shouldn't have written about the things I wrote about. I tend to regret a lot of things. Even things that I initially think are great. I over think and find the bad qualities and then make any of my decisions seem wrong. My back is still hurting really bad. I have the depression thought in my head. I think I just want to be different. Sometimes I just want to be out of the ordinary so I make myself believe things like the whole depression thing.
I am hungry. I haven't eaten since last night. I have a chemistry test on Thursday and I do not understand some of the stuff. I hope nobody comes to my home on Wednesday night. Usually people are always at my home and I don't get any studies done. They stay until 2 or 3 at night and then it is too late to study. Why don't I study in my room? Probably because I don't want to study when people are outside partying. Why don't you go to the library? I don't want to go to the library. After 5, I don't want to have anything to do with school. I don't want to think it even exists. Library reminds of school. On Wednesday, I get off at 5. Good I have until 9 to study until people come over. 4 hours is more than enough to study for a stupid test that is probably easy as hell. I am just worrying over nothing. I actually like it when people come over; it is not boring then. Just do your studies early and then party later. I had heard there were fine women in this university but I was fooled. I haven't seen any girl that is eye popping fine. All the girls on campus have the same old stuff. Legs and other stuff that I do not want to mention here. I am sick of the same old stuff, why can't there be a girl that has a pretty face with all that other stuff. Like a perfect package. Well whatever it is damn hot outside. I have to go to my classes in this heat and then study my brains out. Then go to work and then return home again in this damn heat and still not see a fine girl. Then take the bus home and then study again. Then I hang out with my friends. Which makes doing all this worth it. And I would just like to comment that the damn west campus bus takes at least a half an hour to get to the bus station and sometimes it is full and you have to wait another half hour for another bus. They need to freaking spend a little money to buy more busses, cheap skates. I have do go through all this crap and then I can't even get a decent ride home.
I am so exhausted. These last few weeks since school has started has worn me out. I have pretty much no energy, and I got ten hours of sleep last night. My brain is also exhausted from all the partying I have been doing since I got here. I can't wait for tonight. I am going to club Elements, and I am going be wasted. I love techno music. It is so awesome. It is crazy how a DJ can put all sorts of different beats together at once and make it sound so perfect. I could listen to techno music all day long. I am listening to techno music right now. Every time I hear techno music it makes me want to dance and have a good time. Anyways, I hope Texas kicks some ass on Saturday. I love watching UT play football and tear it up. College football is the best sport in the world to watch. My other favorite team to watch in college is Michigan. My dad went there so I have been a true Michigan fan ever since I was little. I even went to the Rose Bowl in 1997 when they played Washington State. They won and Michigan ended the season undefeated and number one in the nation. In choosing the college that I wanted to go to, it was a choice between Michigan and UT. My brother graduated from UT a few years ago and I really looked up to him greatly as a kid. I finally decided to follow my brother and go to UT. So far I feel it was a great choice. Austin is an awesome city that fits well with my personality. I decided that if I want to continue my studies and get a masters degree, then I will probably go to Michigan for that. Right now, that is my plan for the next seven or eight years of my life. However, I really don't know what exactly I want my major to be. Anyways, off of that subject, there are so many fine girls here. Everywhere I look there is another girl that I want a piece of. I t is awesome. I have never seen so many hot chicks in my life. The whole experience of living down here so far has been awesome. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. And it is great living far away from home. Nothing beats coming in at five in the morning and not having to hear my mom or dad bitch at me. Actually, my parents were very good parents and usually let me have my space. They learned after the first two kids what it is like parenting kids, so they were pretty loose with me. I really do kind off miss my parents. They are very good people who gave me a lot during my stay at home and they would do anything for me. They have always been there for me even when I have been in trouble with authorities and other high officials. Not that I was a bad teenager or anything, but I think everyone who likes to party a lot, like me, have had their share of conflict with the cops. Anyways, twenty minutes is up, so bye.
I just started college last week. It's hard to believe I am finally here. I have been coming to Austin for football games as long as I can remember, but I always go home when they are over. This time I am staying and my family is going home. It's so hard for me to think I will be spending the next four years here. It's so big and full of so many people. The first day of class I didn't know what to think. I was so overwhelmed by it all. I decided to go through rush here at UT, and that was an experience all on it's own. It was a week full of stress, and aching feet. You are surrounded by a bunch of girls that are trying to out do the next and you can't really tell if people are being fake or themselves. I just hoped for the best and tried to have fun. Now that it is all over and I made my bid. I was relieved a little, but not enough. The day after rush ended classes begin. I had no time to relax or get things together. I was stressing out more than I had ever before. I didn't know where my classes were, I missed my friends and family, my roommate and I have been a little off, it seemed like nothing was going right. I really wanted to cry. It's so hard for me to think that I am not happy here because I can vividly recall not too long ago saying that I couldn't wait to get out of high school and get to college. I was so excited about moving to Austin. I didn't think I would miss my family too much because they would be coming down for all the home football games. Boy, was I wrong. I told everyone that I wouldn't think of going home my first weekend of college, but as I sat in my dorm room last Friday thinking about all my friends going home for the holiday I don't think I could have packed up my stuff any quicker. I was so excited about going home. I couldn't wait to get there. Even though I did homework and laid around most of the weekend it was very nice to just relax and not have to worry about anything. There are so many things to do in Austin and even when you say your not going out, someone is always trying to talk you into going somewhere. My past week of college has been fun, but scary. I am not use to being so unorganized. I need a schedule and a daily routine, so I won't feel so strung out and frazzled. So many things have been going through my head, about college and how I feel about it and I can't exactly put it all into words. When people ask me about school I don't know what to tell them. I wish I could say I love it and I am having a blast, but I would be lying. I have had fun, but I am kind of scared and homesick and I feel like I am in a maze and I can't find my way out. I don't think I am making any sense. My feelings are just all jumbled up and I can't seem to sort through them. I need direction. I am hoping every week will get better and I will gradually find my way and start to feel at home here.
I am tired today. I should have gone to bed earlier. I need to study. How much do I need to read for my classes to get A's in them? I have to do my economics homework today. I miss home I miss my family. I have never been away from home for this long. I won't get to see my parents till parents weekend but that will be really nice. I have a fraternity meeting at 6:30. I can't wait until the next football game, the game this past weekend was awesome. I need to wear a hat at the next game cause I got a bad sunburn last weekend. My face hurts from the sunburn still. I wonder when our next fraternity mixer will be. A picture reminds me of my Europe trip last summer. It was one of the best experiences I have ever had. I have a paranoid feeling that I am not doing enough work or studying, that I am neglecting something. I hate doing laundry, I have already had to do it twice since I've been in Austin. It hasn't rained since I've been here, I wonder when it will rain. I hate the heat and humidity in Austin. I can't wait till it cools down and turns into fall. The girl in my business administration class yesterday was very pretty, maybe I can go on a date with her sometime this semester. Viacom merged with CBS, maybe CBS won't be such a lousy network anymore. I need to eat lunch soon. I hope I am doing this assignment right. I hope I will have time to study tonight, I need colored pencils to finish my economics assignment, maybe my roommate has some.
It's only been a day since this is Monday and I already miss him. Got back from my trip last night and still had to call him I know that I'm not crazy but I wonder if it is bad to need someone in your life. What happens when they leave for some reason? I mean, school seems hard, and I need to think about studying and stuff, but all I want to do is talk to him and spend time with him. He told me once that he needed me. I think that was the best thing I ever heard him say or at least one of the best things he's ever said to me. I just know that this summer was even better than the last something I didn't think could happen. It sucks now though, even though I'm in a whole new place, and even though I should be excited about starting college, all I think about at night when I go to sleep is all the time we spent together this summer, and all the fun we had. Now, even though we are only an hour away from each other I still miss him. I worry about what will come of this semester. Will we stay strong? Or just fall apart because of the separation? We did okay last year and we were five hours away I thought that was hard, but ironically enough being closer to him is harder. That just means that on the weekends, I can tease myself with his presence and make the drive to San Antonio to see him, or vice versa. But I can't describe the way it feels to make the drive and feel the wind blasting through the car as my favorite songs ring through my ears, and then the excitement I feel as soon as I reach the point. The point that's what I call the restaurant that I pass on the way to San Antonio I believe it's a Marie Callenders  but anyways it means that within the next couple of minutes I will be with him. What does it mean to have a soul mate? I mean, I have heard explanations. but what do you do? How do you know that it's him? It's almost been twenty minutes, and I think I'll just keep typing, until I can leave the computer and study, finally.
I ran out of the regular clothes I wear to school and all that was left in my closet were dresses. I'm also a bit upset because the guy I am interested in keeps giving me mixed signals and his emotions just run hot and cold. I feel that he may just be leading me on and it really hurts me because I really like him and I have felt this way for a while now. My friends tell me to just forget about him but easier said than done. And I'm afraid to say anything to him because I may just be making a fool of myself. But, I really hate to think about this because it just depresses me (a subject we just finished talking about today in class). I hope to learn more about it and maybe learn something about how to analyze his behavior with me. Aside from that and probably the biggest thing on my mind right now is all the reading I have to do for my classes. I know tonight I will be up pretty late even though I have to be at school at 8am! I have forgotten how stressful school is. I guess lazing around all summer couldn't last forever. Oh well, it doesn't matter I actually like school and some of the pressures. It makes life interesting. Now, I'm wondering if my roommate will be home when I get there. She is a great person and I really like sharing an apartment with her this year. The only problem is that we goof around a lot together and don't get much done we decide to do homework in the same room. Good thing we have a 2 bedroom apt. Speaking of our apartment. I'm really hungry! My stomach was growling so much in class the guy next to me was looking at me funny. I just wish there were more hours in the day so I could get more things done. But, I guess everyone feels that way. As I write this I'm just glad I am at least getting one assignment out of the way. And I wish all of my assignment for all my classes were this easy. haha Well, I guess I am running out of things to say so it's a good things my twenty minutes are almost up. I'm just mad that I can't check my email because there is something wrong with my disk. I swear computers hate me. Now I won't know if my friend Raul wrote me back. I will buy an other disk tomorrow. great another expense. I need a job.
I have to my homework. I have to study for my chemistry and history. I have to go to Houston this Thursday, so I wont attend class. I have so much shit to do. my mind is going blank right now. oh yeah. I have to go home and clean the dishes, wash my clothes, wake up at 9:00am, get ready and because of my homework I will not be able to go to sleep until 12:00. Tomorrow first thing in the morning, I have to pay my tuition bill of 4 dollars, go to the bookstore and buy my precal book and psy. book. right after I type this I have to go to HEB and do some grocery shopping. since I have no food at home I will buy milk, cereal, junk food, chips, pizza, juice, Gatorade, water, bathroom, paper, tilex mildew stain remover. this is hurting my neck. it really hurts. I need to go home and go to sleep I will be so happy after I get this assignment done; I will be done with at least one of my homework for school. I feel so tired right now; I just want to go home and go to sleep. I cannot stand being here [library] any longer than I have to.
Well right now I have to go to the bathroom but I can't because I'm doing my assignment. I am also very hungry I drank an orange juice for breakfast and I didn't eat much for lunch So now food is on my mind. I have to go to my dorm and read a lot because I haven't read anything for any of my classes including psy (oops! should I have written that!??) I also hope that I get a job at BEVO's on the drag. I would have to work early in the morning but I really need money right now because I am so broke. I feel awful because of all the expenses my mother has to pay. I just want to help out a bit. I need to go exercising I went to the gym yesterday for about 30 minutes and I went walking for about an hour. I am, trying to lose weight for this  dorm function on the 27th all these girls are going to be in these skimpy bathing suits and usually wear a T-shirt over mine. Not this time!! I'm gonna wear a bathing suit without a T-shirt what an accomplishment that will be!! I still have to go to the bathroom. Not real bad it's just  like this nagging pain in my bladder (sorry that's kinda gross!) But that's exactly what I'm thinking! My shoulder hurts. It feels sore, my right one. Not from typing I think It's from walking last night. It was really weird because my fingers got swollen from all the blood rushing into them while I was walking last night. I felt really good because I was getting lots of exercise. I'm also glad because I quit smoking I  never really started but I smoked 1 then 2,3,4,5,6,7!! and that's when I decided that It was a bad habit and  I didn't want to get addicted. There are some many wonderful things to look forward to lung cancer, smoker's hack, bad breath, smelly clothes and emphysema! Besides my mother would kill me before and of those other things got to. My dad smoked and he finally quit. But know he smokes cigars occasionally I told him to quit so now I'm taking my own advice. The minute I finish I going to the bathroom and after that I'm going to go EAT  I'm starving' food, food, I want food. After that I'll do my Lab, study, take a bath and go to bed. I can't wait!! Well I'm not really looking forward to the studying part but that's the reason  I'm here!! Well I've come to the end of my twenty minutes so I guess I'll have to say. . ADIOS!!!
I feel kind of nervous right now. I have never done anything like this before. at least not as something to turn in for a class. lately, I've been thinking about school and how this semester is going to. I need to start looking for a job sometime this week. one of my best friends is coming back from Sacremento, CA this weekend, so I'm really excited about that. I haven't bought all of my books yet, so I'm hoping to do that soon, especially for this class because we have a test pretty soon. I took this class last semester but I totally slacked off and got a D in it, but I need to take it again in order to get into child psychology. I don't want to let my parents down again. my sister took this semester off because she got bad grades last semester. I know that I can do really well this semester if I really want to and I think that I do. I just really hope that everything works out ok. I guess you've probably noticed by now that I ramble on and on. I think that stream of consciousness is really cool. I think it was Virginia Woolf who made it popular. I think it was her. I  loved the way she would start talking about one thing and then that thing would remind her of something else and then she'd go off on that. I don't know how much I'm supposed to be writing . I think this assignment is neat. I hope that I'm going to be able to handle working and goingt to school. I worked at late night at jester last semester, and I think it was the hours that threw me off because I would work from 8pm to 1am. I live at kinsolving this year and I think that it's a lot better than Jester. I think I've been writing quite a bit already and I think that this is my stream of consciousness. all that I really do think about is doing well this semester because I want to be an elementary teacher already. so I guess I just hope.