I am sitting in the library. I wonder if my typing will bother anybody. Wow, my typing speed isn't very good, especially on this non-ergonomic keyboard. I really hope that no one will examine my spelling and grammar on this assignment. If they did I would look pretty dumb. I don't seem to think in complex sentences, or at least I don't when I am in a stream of consciousness. o wait, there was one. I found some humor in that. when I run I try to run for 20 minutes just like the amount of time I am typing for. time goes by slowly when you run and type. did you ever have a sister? Did you? something about sitting hear and dialoging with myself makes me think of the sound and the fury. maybe I am just trying to be pretentious by making it appear as though I think with a great deal of profundity. good word matt. hopefully I spelled it right and used it correctly. some one is talking in the library. that is not kosher. Sarah use to always say that. I miss her sometimes. Maybe not romantically, but she was fun to be around. I wonder where my romantic life will take me in the next few weeks. So far I have met a lot of girls, but none have blown me away. hopefully there is one out there that will. my mother is dead. she really is. I think about that a lot. I think about that and Emily an awful lot. they both sorta dominate my inner dialogue. I have gotten better about it lately. I am growing, healing, and finding other things to put in my life to replace the thoughts of them, well mostly replace the thoughts of emily. I don't want to forget my mother. I can't forget my mother, or else my life will get fucked up. I must learn from her mistakes and understand that I will naturally view love from a female perspective like I had love from her. I have to be careful. Should I really be this honest right now? should I not censor myself. Really, what business of yours to be in my head right now? you can make me do homework, but can you really make me tell you all the crazy stuff going on in my head? not that I am psycho, but there's a lot going on in my mind all the time and I don't feel like anyone really gets a glimpse of that, much less some random professor with whom I have never had a real conversation. ten more minutes left. what more do you want. I am tired. I would say I am stressed out but that bath I took in the dark a couple of hours ago really relaxed me. My mother taught me that it is very healthy to have positive ways to relieve stress like baths or sodas as opposed to anything else. Its much better to chill than to just blow up at someone. So how exactly can you grade this? Should I make my comments more profound. Should I release some of the beautiful poetry of my mind on this computer screen. Who am I kidding. man, that guy looked pissed. People are so damn easy to read some time. learning how to be a good poker player may be the single greatest skill one can garner from any form of competition. I mean, you always are sizing people up, separating the wheat from the chafe, taking smart calculated risks. its beautiful. I am starting to get really sleepy staring at this screen. I am very sleep deprived. I am VERY sleep deprived, and I don't know when the hell I am going to catch up any time soon either. Being a pledge is kinda rough. very time consuming. man, this last weekend I got no sleep. friday saturday and sunday I was busy as hell. I didn't really even have time for psy 317. my eye itches. I scratched it. five more minutes. I think I am starting to feel a slight headache coming on. this is awhile to stare blankly at a computer screen. I need to relax. ok now I am typing with my eyes closed. wow I actually typed that ok. my typing is not that bad. wow having my eyes closed is nice. really very relaxing, much like that bath I took. I love the dark, especially when I have a headache. now I am starting to chill out again. pretesting looks like it might be lame if I have to stare at a comp for so long. what is that girl looking at. I don't know what to make of a library. I know what to make of a bedroom or a nursing home. they both have really clear feelings that radiate from them. not really this place. is concentration a feeling? cause if it was that would be the color of this place. another poetic comment by yours truly. just call me thoreau or elliot I suppose. Call me ishmael even. I should read more. its fun, it sticks with me, I just don't have time for it often