ow. I just hit my knee on the table and it hurt. I bump intot stuff a lot. I think that it's because I don't pay much attention or maybe because I'm trying to pay attention to other things and the other things consume my brain until it's full and there's no time to think about  the wall in front of me. I ramble a lot too and I don't mean to. the light in my apartment is still broken. I've told the people at the management place and I don't think they care. they definitely don't care about the bugs living in my kitchen. my knee still kind of stings. these lights are really bright inn my eyes, and I'd turn them off, but then my computer would go off because the power won't flow through the lights unless they're on which is stupid. what if I don't like having the lights on?  what if I'm one of those crazy people who sits in their place doing nothing, not talking to anybody and having no contact with the world and this light is disturbing my peace because the only way I can have peace is to be completely inn the dark all the time. good thing I'm not like that. I don't type as well as I wish I did. my aunt types really fast and brags about it too. I forgot to send this insurance bill to my dad, I hope it's not overdue. I already scratched the car too , so he is probably not too happy with me right now, even though he wouldn't say he wasn't happy with me. he is always so. why didn't he get mad when I told him I scratched the car?  it bugs me sometimes when people don't get mad when they should. like when I messed up the sherwin williams breakfast coupons and kevin didn't yell at me. he is too nice. he probably gets mad behind my back, and that is worse. he is fake and I don't like fake people. give me reality or give me nothing , because fake is a load of crap, and crap is never good. that girl in my freshman seminar is so horrible. she is fake if I ever saw it. she actually smiled at me today when I know for a fact that she despises me. she really does, just because I have strong opinions and happened to say one of my opinions about baptists. not even anything bad about baptists, just that they're phonies, most of them. I don't know why she cares, she not baptist or even a christian. she doesn't know what she really thinks, so she tries to pick up opinions that aren't hers and make them her own. only she can't back them up because she doesn't really believe them and they aren't really right anyway. she is wishy washy and I don't like that either. believe what you're going to believe and the hell with everyone else. who cares if they don't like what you're saying, because you like what you're saying and that's just who you are. hiding who you are isn't true to yourself. they'll eventually find out what you really are and what you really believe anyway, so who cares if it's now or later. I like sharing my opinion. I even like it when people get mad or offended. I don't know why, I just think it's funny. lots of people get offended easily. natalie sure did have an awful look on her face that one time. I can't believe she was scared of me, that's so stupid. she was afraid I thought she was stupid. boo hoo, who cares what I think anyway. we were friends for years and suddenly she is scared that I think she is dumb. of course she is dumb, but I would never tell her that, and I certainly never did anything that should have made her feel like she is dumb. I think only strong people can handle me. that's ok because I only like strong people anyway. weak minds make me sick. not stupid minds, but weak minds. minds that don 't know or don't think or don't care about anything, because what's the point. if I can't talk to you I don't want to know you. private school you had to hang with people you didn't like. you sit by yourself one day on purpose and they all flock around to see if you're ok. yeah, I'd be okay if you were gone, but you can't say that because they would hate you and you'd never have any friends because they would tell everyone what you said and then you'd be EVIL, god forbid. God forbid anyone has a rough day and just wants to be alone, away from the fake laughs, fake jokes, stupid people. I hate stupid people. I'm sorry, I'm a mean person. I don't mean to be. that guy sitting next to me was killing me with his breath today in class. he is fake to. I hate when people ask me how I like austin so far. why the hell do they care anyway. everyone has the same generic response and the same bla bla bla bla bla answer, I hate asking people stuff like that so I don't and I expect people to return the courtesy. but how would they know that I hate that. they don't know me there's no way they COULD know. or they could guess , but no ones too good at that. I am so tired. that customer service guy was nice. I wonder if he is cute. he is probably a nerd. what do I mean, probably, probably definitely he is a nerd. computer people usually are. my friend hit on me the other day. I don't think I have any guy friends anymore. all of my guy friends keep hitting on me, which sucks, because then I feel weird around them. are they really friends or are they just trying to get some who really knows for sure. I think all guys are sick like that. all of them are jsut totally, totally, sick, they can't help it. they can't just be normal, they have to go screw things up