I'm realizing, as I begin to write this, that this psychology assignment is probably the weirdest thing I've ever had to do for a class. On one hand, it seems utterly useless, but then again, I know nothing about psychology, so I'm fascinated to find out how they can use something like this for scientific purposes. I just got my wind ensemble music about half an hour ago, and I'm already nervous. I'm also really hungry. I should be meeting Ashley for lunch right now in Kinsolving, but I'm doing this assignment instead. Hope she's not mad. I don't think she will be. Christina wanted to eat over there anyway, and I'd like to try their food, so we'll probably go over there for lunch. Maybe not dinner. I have rehearsal tonight for LHB. Dang it. The last thing I feel like doing right now is marching. It's so hot. I really miss Doug. He's been on my mind every once in awhile, ever since I started school. I don't know why I think about him so much. I've tried to deal with these feelings before, and they've gotten better, but only a little bit. I think of him as a friend, but a part of me still likes him a lot. I don't know why. I should know better. He's the last person I'd ever want to date. But maybe that's why I like him so much, that whole "opposites attract" theory. I don't know. Actually, it's not that I don't want to date him, but he has so many qualities that I shouldn't like. When I think about his friendship with Carolyn, it always stirs up jealousy inside me. I know I shouldn't get jealous of her. They were such good friends  more than friends  for awhile, and there's no reason that I should mean as much, or more, to him than she does. I should be happy for them. I love carolyn. She's one of my best friends, but at the same time, she drives me crazy. I don't think she realizes how much it hurts me when she talks about how sweet doug is to her and everything. I wish she'd just make up her mind between him and zag. But the more I think about it, the more I don't miss all that crap from high school. I know there are going to be other guys that I meet  I already have met several in LHB  but it's just that I don't know anyone well yet. There's nobody that I can just talk to, or sit beside and listen to them talk, like I did with Doug. I really miss those times when he'd play with my hair or hold my hand or stroke my cheek. All the times carolyn wasn't around. Weird. No, I need to stop thinking like this. What did my book say? I'm supposed to wait for God to put someone in my life. I shouldn't go chasing after guys (like Carolyn does) because that'll only get me hurt. I try so hard to be good and do what my Christian friends say, but I guess it's that human nature that makes me want to do the other things. I'm really getting hungry now. I think she just finished her calculus, so maybe we can go eat when I'm done with this. I wonder if dad ever found my phone last night. I hope I can remember where I put it, because I really need to have it. I wonder how Matthew is doing with his region band music. I'm so nervous for him. I really want him to beat Brandon. No, I don't. I just want him to get some more confidence when he plays in front of people because he is so good. Well, pretty good, at least. If he had some attitude, or if he didn't get so nervous, he'd be awesome. I wish I could fix it for him. Doug has so much confidence. Matthew needs to be more like Doug. In some ways, at least. I miss me. Nicks, too. Sometimes this whole college thing feels temporary, like I'll go back to school in a week, and everything will be normal, and fun, and stressfree. Jennifer and Jean and Rosie are doing a good job, but there are so many things that I wish they could do differently. Conducting bugs me the worst. Or maybe it's just the fact that they've replaced me. I'm no longer needed at Connelly, and that really bothers me. They might miss me, but they don't need me anymore to keep things running, and it hurts to think about that. Of course, it's kind of nice to be at the other end of the spectrum for awhile, and not know what's going on. Being a freshman is nice, to a point, but then it just drives me nuts. I wish I had a tape player so I could listen to Mr. P's tape. I can't believe wind ensemble is starting tomorrow. I wish I had my car down here with me. I feel so isolated, helpless. I'm homesick, but not really. I just miss Doug, I think. I wish I could've seen him this weekend. I can't wait until I make some good friends here, but all the guys I've met so far are so immature. It's frustrating.