This is weird and different. I'm not exactly sure what I should be writing. I really love it when guys can play the guitar. I don't know what it is but guys who play the guitar are my biggest weakness. I hope, oh I forgot what I was going to say. that happens a lot. Twenty minutes seems like a long time. Anyway, I'm listening to Hotel California by The Eagles and then I think I'm going to listen to my Sublime Cd. The Beatles were like musical geniuses. I bet them and Frank Sinatra are the celebrities that got the most sex from random women. I would have had sex with Frank Sinatra back in the day. I made a list of celebrities I would have no problems having sex with- it isn't very long but I'll share it because I really don't care. It's not like I'll ever have sex with these people anyway let's see it was Lindsay Lohan, Michael Vartan, John Mayer, and Jake Gyllenhaal. I bet John Mayer is an excellent lover. No one who plays the guitar (and sings wonderful love songs) with that much emotion and feeling is a bad lover. Huh, I don't think that made sense, it made sense in my head. I'm so glad Stephie is my roommate. We have our differences but for the most part we get a long so well. Sex and the City is such an awesome show. I think each woman has a little bit of all four of the girls in them. Is it bad that sometimes I want to push my morals aside and do things I know are "wrong". Since I've gotten here my friends that go to other schools are bashing my new life style. I hate that they judge me. Why can't I just live my life the way I want to? Being active in the church youth group in high school was one of the best things I've ever done but now that I'm doing things that The Church wouldn't approve of I'm noticing that I'm pushing everything I used to stand for aside so that I can "experiment" with different things. I don't regret anything I do, but sometimes I don't think I make the best decisions. I'm happy though and I guess that's all that matters. I'm sure God is an understanding God. I'm not sure what's worse living my life as a straight edge or being taken up by the flashiness of college life. sounds like a lose lose situation to me. I really need to lose some weight man. I was sitting in the hookah bar tonight and this girl said she lost 73 pounds in a year and that she used to weigh 210. So now she weighs. 137. wow. I need to lose that much weight. I wonder how she did it. I should have asked her. some days I'll feel really self confident and pretty and I'm like well I guess I love myself the way I am so someone will love me for me as well. Then other days I'm like "fuck, who's going to love a fat slob". I hope I meet the one in college. I hope he's amazing in every way. Is it too much to ask to meet my soul mate? That would be sweet. First things first though. I need to shed the pounds ASAP. yes. After this I have to study Italian. That's going to suck. I probably should have done that instead of sleeping the day away. oh well. This week was a lot more productive then last. So this weekend I plan to really catch up and get my shit together. I really need to pull my GPA up. I want to do good. I'm going to do good. I just wish I weren't so damn lazy. Bah. I wish I were going to college station tomorrow. I want to see my old friends but I don't know why if they're just going to look at me like I'm the devil. My leg is still twitching. That probably isn't a good thing. I'm sad pookie's leaving this weekend. I wish I could find someone who enjoys my company as much as I enjoy theirs. I miss Chris so much. I wish every time I was with him could be like that night after the John Mayer concert. he's so much fun to be around. I think I come off as bitchy and annoying but I'm not sure. I wish someone would tell me. I have the Beatles song "Black bird" stuck in my head. I want to take guitar lessons I just wish they weren't so damn expensive. I'm so glad I only have one class tomorrow! Yay! I kind of don't want to go to the welcome retreat thing but maybe it will be for the better. Otherwise looks like I will be going to college station. We'll see how that works out.