ahs10/essays-big5 huggingface dataset:
Writing this paper on Friday is extremely irritating for me. I know that I was given plenty of time beforehand, but being the procrastinator that I am I waited until the last minute. This annoys me because I usually do this on most of my assignments. I have a feeling of regret that I didn't do it beforehand. It is hard for me to concentrate seeing that after I am done writing this assignment I am going to go back home to visit some of my friends I haven't seen in awhile. This gives me a good feeling. It is almost a feeling of relaxation and anticipation all in one. Tonight I am also going to go to a football game in my hometown. Thinking about watching a football game gives me a rush. I get flash backs of my quarterback going through the snap count, my heart pounding with anticipation and anxiety as I am about to get the ball, the snap, and a huge burst of adrenaline as I get the ball. Thinking back through each step  I can feel the emotion that was accompanied each step, only at a lower level. I am also extremely tired having stayed up way to late last night. This is probably why I am finding trouble concentrating and being consistent with certain ideas. I also feel confused because I really think that this isn't what the professor wanted, but too bad.
But I can't go to sleep because I have mounds of homework to do. The drive back here from home, just wore me out completely, and that is why I didn't have any time earlier to do my homework. I still need to take a shower. Then I have to wake up early in the morning and figure out where my biology discussion class is, so I can go in there and take the dumb quiz that the TA gives out. Too bad, I am going to fail it. The lectures my prof. gives, just don't really make since. I wish that my best friend Natalie and I could've spent more time together when I was home this past weekend. I also wish that my boyfriend Mark would send me an email. I wish that we could somehow get passed this stupid problem we are having. It's hard enough him being in Virginia, then he has to go and get some weird attitude and get mad and not be himself. It is really making me mad, and sad all at once. I wish that I could see him, and knock some since into his head and then everything would be okay. Natalie is the only one that knows enough about us for me to talk to about our relationship problems. But I hate boring her to death with it, I don't want to get on her nerves about it. This past summer, everything was fine, and now it is all so different, I hate it. But there is nothing I can do about it. And then there is Matt which just gets on my nerves. He is my good friend from the past year, although we've known each other for going on 7 years. He just aggravates me, the way he is so scatter brained. I just get so frustrated, and tired of it. Poor guy, I feel sorry for him. Then, my mind always, swings back to Mark. I can't ever not think about us, and this problem we are having. I so need to talk to him about it because I can't function unless everything is resolved. And it is driving me absolutely CRAZY. But he won't talk about it, he won't talk to me. And I am not the kind of person that can just drop it. I can't just say, oh well, and then forget about it. I have it on me for quite a long while. Every day, I see or hear at least 15 things that remind me of him or us together. Its so depressing. I hate being this way, all depressed and not my peppy, cheerful self. Well, I see that the 20 minutes are up now. SO long.
Well I guess my first thought would be that I don't think the assignment is really fair. I don't really mind it but the fact is that people who type faster will in fact have to write more. I type quite well so this applies to me. I don't really know what else to say so I guess I will just talk. I am 18 I don't like things. I don't like a lot of things. I am very judging of people and things. Everywhere I go I am sizing things up. I don't know why I do this, perhaps it is some sort of defense mechanism that I use to protect myself. I don't know once again. I have a girlfriend of seven months who has actually helped me with this very much. Just the thought of her brings me comfort and calms me down considerably. I don't sleep very well anymore. I used to sleep quite well but now that all of these changes in my life have occurred I am having trouble adjusting. One thing I have noticed about myself just now is that I complain a lot. Well, I noticed it before now but this helps. I will try to be more positive for the rest of the time. I like things. I like a lot of things. I like music, especially the Dave Matthew's Band. I am going to go to a concert of theirs in Dallas of Friday. I am really looking forward to it. I come from a great family. My parents are one of the few couples in the world today who are still married. I like other things too, just let me think for a second. I like birds. Birds are the luckiest animal on earth. They get to fly around all day and laugh at people. My philosophy professor stated a quote from a book about utilitarianism. It said that no intelligent human, no matter how unhappy he or she is would rather be an animal with infinite animal pleasures. I would have to disagree with this statement because I think if given the chance I would be a bird. Maybe I would even be a flying squirrel. I also like movies. I watch them all the time. I used to rent like six a night from the video store but I am really lazy. I sleep late and don't return them on time. I therefore incur late fees. I know what is going on though with this whole return them by noon bit. They know people like me won't wake up by twelve so they will rake in the late fees. They pawn this off as a bonus because you are getting twelve extra hours of movie watching time when in fact all you are getting is twenty or so dollars in late charges. I am aware of many scams. I don't really want to go into them right now because I am afraid of what the proponents of such scams will do to me if I reveal their secret. That last line wasn't true. I made it up. This is a trait I picked up from my friend who moved to Texas Tech. We would all sit around talking and making up elaborate, obviously fake stories just to make each other laugh. So in the memory of my old friend I hope that made you laugh. My twenty minutes are now up so I hope you enjoyed my train of thought. I'm not sure if this is what I was supposed to do but I guess it doesn't matter since it is a completion grade. So I must say goodbye for now. Peace.
What I feel is that I have disappointed myself so far this semester. I planned on being so much more organized than I actually am. I look around my room and my desk and get really annoyed at myself. I think I am missing something in terms of college academic life. I feel that I should be stressed and overwhelmed because those have been my feelings for the past couple of years. In high school, I was always trying to outdo myself and get more involved. By the time my senior year came around, I was so involved in clubs and classes that I was burnt out before 1st semester was even over. Every class I took was based on the recommended courses for UT. Every club I joined was so I could put several different activities on my application. Now that I am in college, I wonder if I am serious about my major, Theatre and Dance. Don't get me wrong, I love performing, and in an ideal world, I would become a regular on Broadway. But I always secondguess my goals and the reality of them actually coming true. I have performed literally since I could walk and talk. I haven't appeared on any major stages or on television, but performing has always been a really significant part of my life. It has shaped me into the person I am now. I just keep thinking. "is this really feasible or not. " It is one of the few things that I am good at and have been successful in. I suppose I went into the College of Fine Arts because fine arts are so familiar and comfortable for me. I actually thought of becoming a clinical psychologist or a social worker for the latter part of my high school life; I even took a semester of psychology last year. But I came to this conclusion: I have too many problems of my own that I can barely deal with, so how on earth could I solve anyone else's problems? The answer: I could not. I don't know. I guess I will get more into the routine as the weeks roll by. Hopefully, I will be successful at UT. Time can only tell.
At this moment I am worried about completing this assignment. The main cause of my concern is that I am using a friend's computer. I do not own a computer and therefore it is very difficult to have access to class notes and homework assignments. I have never really dealt much with computers, so I am not very familiar with this type of technology. I have tried various times to seek help in a public librar, but I was unaware that a long process of aquiring an account and finding a payment plan (if I want to print) was required. This is especially hard for me because many of my classes offer class information on the web. Now proceeding to my next concern, tomorrow I have a major french exam. After finishing this assignment I must hurry to my apartment and eat lunch, then return to school. I have no idea what I will eat for lunch, but I must eat at home. Last weekend my parents came down from Lufkin to visit me. They swore that I had lost some pounds and that I must not be eating healthy. My parents worry about my health very much. Being from a hispanic background, education is not of importance. My father threatened to take my out of school if I did not start taking care of my health and house duties. My father believes that a woman's future is in the kitchen. He never realy supported me in my college education. In his own words, he didn't think I "would make it in the real world". My mother begged me to stay close to home and attend a community college. I refused because I am very ambitious and much of a dreamer. I wanted to attend a well-known university (UT) and nowhere else. I worked hard for 12 years to get this far. I did it with very few support from my parents . I encouraged myself to achieve everything I have. Perhaps it is better this way because my parents let me become independant and able to have my own dreams. They knew that if I achieved all my dreams, it would be because only I worked for it. Knowing that you made it almost alone gives a sense of immense satisfaction and self-worth.
I am beginning to think I am committing to too many activities. I want to be involved, but maybe I am doing too much-   I wish I did not have eight o'clock class on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I hate having to get up early-   I need to buy my Chemistry book and Biology book still. Books are so expensive-oh well-   I am excited for the football game this weekend!  It will be nice to have Monday off-   It smells like Lucky Charms-probably because I just ate some-   I need to get a transcript request from quad C to transfer my chem class from this summer to here-   I need to go by TOPS pics to look at pics from the other night-   I need to call my camper back-   I should do some reading for my classes tomorrow-   I am excited to do the SHINE program for the nursing school. I wonder who my professor that I get to help out will be. I need to look up hospital info online so I can decide where and when to volunteer this semester-   The people who live above me constantly make loud noises- are they obese people or just loud stomping walkers?-   I can't decide if I want to get my nutrition book- the teacher does not require it-but it may be beneficial-   I need to get some more picture frames for my room- I love pictures-   I am excited about a new skirt I bought today-wow I really got a good deal on it-   I like shopping too much-ever since I have been in college I feel like it has become an addiction-from school supplies to clothes-   I love how random my thoughts are right now-   I need to talk to my parents about sorority stuff and my credit card- that was a bummer when I got denied today at the coop-I should have just used my other card-oh well-   I can't decide if I want to go to the ranch this weekend-it seems pointless to go but then again it is only an hour away-hmmm   I want to download some ringtones after this-   I can't believe it's almost September- wow the summer flew by-pretty soon it will be Christmas-   I love hanging out with Katy-she is so sweet-   I can't wait to go to the rodeo sometime this year-   My neck has been itching lately in a random spot- I wonder why-   It would be fun to go on a random date-I wonder who will be first-Brandon or myself-hopefully myself-I need to be able to move on, but yet with a friend-   It's going to be kind of random meeting up with Kelsey tomorrow-gosh and she wants to sit with us-of course Court is already busy-I bet that is the only reason she has called- I hate when girls do that-girls need to learn time management with friends and guys too!     I want to lay out by the pool tomorrow-hopefully it will be nice and sunny -
Ok so im sitting right now in my dorm room writing my first ever college assignment. College is not at all what I expected. Its pretty much highschool except you don't have to attend your class and theres no curfue. My dorm has been asssigned (some might call it imprisoned) in Jester. Its quite a new experience. I awoke last night at exactly 3:43am to find my neighbor blasting rap music. Now I am not one for rap music and especially not at night. Not knowing what to do I layed there in misery and ignored the 100 decibal speaker system which I was dreaming about smashing. Now that I think about it next time this happens i'm marching right over and banging his door down. College is such extreme independance in my life that at times I cannot handle it. Back in highschool I had a midnight curfew, now I can come in at 4 am and no one can say anything. I can eat cookies and chips and never eat actual food and theres no one to stop me . But this is not the reason I came to college. I was not escaping my parents, I came to UT because my views and beliefs are shunned and immoral according to my smal texas Baptist town. I remember recieving an F on an English paper in which we were told to write about our feelings and my feelings were inapprpriate. How can someones beliefs be inapropriate? UT is the most liberal college in Texas and even though I can barely afford it to me being exposed to different views and being able to share my views on life without being blacklisted are worth every student loan I have to take out. Now I do not know what I am   not allowed   to type in a college paper. Am I allowed to tell you that I am an aethiest? Am I allowed to tell you that I loathe culture. Well whether I am or not I do not care anymore. I cannot stay trapped inside and never know if others share my views. Its a horrible feeling to not be able to speak out. Its the worst kind of hell anyone can go through.  I cannot express even to myself how much i find people who have religous beliefs stupid and ignorant. Religion is a sorce of comfort for the idiot and a powerful tool for a leader. Anyone with the slightest bit of common sense can see that the three main religions in the world , Christianity , Judaisim, and Islam are almost identical and yet they all are an excuse for war and money. Religion is bullshit, its all a story made up my a power hungry man who proclaimed himself the son of god to gain a following. If others are allowed to express their love for God then it is not wrong for me to express my hatred of him.  I look forward to this class and intend to make the most of understanding the stupidity of some human pysche. Even though im an engineering major I find this subject interesting and intend on embedding what i learn in this coure in my mind for the rest of my life.
Towers seemed to have gotten an illness that spread very quickly last week. Only difference is everyone felt like crap for a day maybe two, I was sick for four. However, I'm feeling better so perhaps tomorrow is my last day. My mother brought some Echinacea- it's an herb that supposedly helps during the cold and flu season. I pray it does the trick. I am extremely excited about this upcoming weekend. I get to go home- Houston. Isn't that strange? You're supposed to go to college and never want to leave; here I am jumping up and down at the very thought of home. Unfortunately, the University of Texas at Austin doesn't fit like I thought it would. The university itself is awesome. My professors all seem great and the classes are interesting. The main problem exists at home- University Towers room 301. I typically refuse to stereotype- but I'll make an exception. Most people here are self-absorbed, fake, rich kids. I care more about people and their life experiences. They care more about what you drive or what your father does for a living. Oh well, at least I'm not in this alone. One of my best friends from Houston isn't content here either, except she is at ACC. My roommate, Sharon, is really sweet. (I went pot luck). She lived in Houston most her life but her dad got transferred to Holland, so she moved as well. I love hearing stories about the differences. She went to an American school so it's not like she learned Dutch, but still the opportunity was once in a lifetime. My parents moved to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil only a month ago. I was able to visit for a week early this summer and sure enough It Was Beautiful. My dad works for Houston Industries and was offered a promotion, salary increase, housing/driver paid, among other things to work in Rio. So they went to check it out and discovered it would be worth it. That's crazy to me. They are 54 years old and completely changing cultures, countries, etc. In a way I'm thrilled for them. Yet, my sadness that they're 10 hours away overcomes that. It's not all a sad story though. I have a gorgeous place to visit for Christmas vacation (there it will be spring I think) and my parents and I are going through life changes at the same time. Also, my house will still be there; my oldest brother and his wife are moving in. So I have my oh, so comfortable bed to retreat to at Thanksgiving. This is strange to me. a writing assignment that doesn't require revising and outline and spell check. Actually I like it more because I feel like I'm talking to someone. I'd much rather talk than write. English is my least favorite/worst subject. I do well in math but I don't like it. History is okay, depending if the teacher makes it exciting. Science is the best. if I weren't so crazy about dance and teaching I'd become a chemical engineer. But I believe I'd get bored of that job real quick. Well, times up. I'll sign off and go study.
At the moment, I am tired. I just woke up a little while ago, and I'm writing. I can't stand writing. I don't mind the work. It's just that writing doesn't come naturally to me. I was wondering the other day, If college was reall going to change me into the genius I expect to be. I mean, when I get out into the career world, will I know "everything" I need to know about my job? Will I have to know everything? Will there be room for training and learning? Confusion! I guess its not a bad thing, but to be confused is embarrasing. I guess what I'm really getting at is without confusion life would be absolutely tedious. As I sit here in my apartment, closed off from society, I can't help but realize how much I miss my family back home. Although college is my main priority and the fact that I don't care what anyone thinks about me, I can't help but wonder if my family thinks I can make it or not, if I have what it takes. That is always in my mind somewhere. I, myself, know I can make it. I know I have what it takes to succeed. However, when I do graduate and get a career job, is that it? Is that going to be my life until I retire. I am very spontaneous and I won't be able to stand getting into a daily routine. I stopped writing for a second to gather my thoughts and I read the assignment again. I have no earthly idea how my mind works or why it works like it does. I'm not a scientist and I don't care to be. I just want to be happy.
I'm missing my friends as I always do when we're not together. I sort of wish I would have gone to school with my best friend Eliza. I had too much fun this summer and now I'm just really bored with Austin. Even so my classes seem interesting enough. I'm glad I switched majors. My family got a puppy. I told them they should name it Bevo, but I think that that would make my Aggie sister not to happy. I can't wait for my friends to visit me in October. Real stupid, huh. I'm all looking forward to two months from now. I feel kind of bad though, because I think Troy likes me too much and I'm just not interested. I really hope Mandy doesn't get mad at me if I hurt his feelings. Like she is one to judge. I'm really looking forward to going jetskiing, but I really want to go dancing. I can't wait to go to clubbing. I hope Lisa calls me today. She's being a real butthead. Well I guess I understand. We're all having money troubles. I hope I find a job. It's really going to suck if I don't. I'm sort of wondering if someone is going to read this. I really hope not cause I think I sound kind of stupid. I am sort of stupid, but that doesn't mean everyone should know. I hope Danny writes to me soon. I'm going to feel really dorky if I write to him and he never writes back. Bambino. I think I'm going to play a trick on Bert today. He is such a jerk. I cannot believe that he was so rude to me last year. I really expected a lot more from him. I sort of miss our friendship, but I guess that's how it goes. I really miss Eric. I wish it hadn't ended the way it did. I feel like crying now. How is it that you can ever forget someone that you loved so much. It's like he's dead to me now, cause I can never talk to him again. Oh well. I know I would hate it if we got back together. I feel like I'm writing in a diary, but I can't say the really juicy stuff. I want to go to Six Flags. I love amusement park rides. I wish Emily had gotten on the rides with me the last time. It was so funny to see her so terrified. I miss Gerry. I should write her a note today. I hope she still has email. I'm really going to miss her if I can't find her. Gerry is one of the greatest people I know. She is so nonjudgmental. I wish I could see her again. I have to stop procrastinating. I don't know what else to write . . OK  I hope Lisa comes to pick me up soon. I would really like to see her. I am so pathetic. Here it's only been a week and a half and I'm already wanting to see my friends again. I was going to write something, but I forgot. Damn it I hate it when that happens. I hope I make some more friends this year. People who like to do stuff, like Emma. I can't believe she actually took me to Mexico whenever I wanted to go. It's to bad they grounded her at the end of the summer. THAT' ALL FOLKS!