ahs10/essays-big5 huggingface dataset:
I just woke up but I'm still sleepy. naps are so great! especially when you are sick. I can't believe that I've been sick all week long. I can't believe I missed that much class. I hope it's ok. I should be. college isn't like high school. thank God. there is so much more free time here. but I need to spend some of it studying. I'm nervous about all of my first tests! I hope I can handle them. I mean, I made good grades in high school but that is nothing compared to this level. oh well. grades can't be everything. if they were, I'd end up like my roommate. oh God. I've never met anyone like her. ever. how can anyone possibly be so boring? wow, speaking of the devil she just walked in! that always happens to me! everytime I talk about or mention someone they either walk up or call me. it's rather creepy. anyway. eww! I just remembered that we have geckos in our dorm room! it's so gross! well. they are actually kind of cute, but just not in my room. I need to take it out from under that cup before it suffocates. I would hate to kill it. poor thing is probably scared to death. either that or REALLY bored, I mean it's been in that small prison for a day now. but then again, my roommate sits in our small prison for days & never gets bored. I'm so mean. but it is seriously driving me insane! I mean give me a break, I walk in and she is just sitting there. no lights, no music, no TV. just staring at the wall. how creepy. but she doesn't mind. I mean I try to get her come places with me but she is never interested. oh well. whatever floats her boat. but what does? it seems that nothing does. I mean I can tell you I like this song or I like this food. she has nothing that she likes. nothing that she is passionate about. I do like this song actually. I like weezer. its somewhat mellow but not enough to make me want to sleep. a good transition from taking a nap to waking up. its perfect for right now. lyrics: lets go away for a while, you & I, to a strange & misty land. " I really need to take a trip to visit jeff, heather, & tim. I don't understand how all of my favorite people in the whole world all decide to disperse themselves across the nation just to go to school. I'm so jealous! heather gets to go to NYC just for the weekends! that is going to be awesome to go see her on thanksgiving. I really want to go see jeff in alabama too. I need to go watch one of his baseball games. he is so good! I am so proud of him! I'm sad that he isn't here though. I wish he was taller. I know if he was that he could definitely go pro. they say he has a chance even now! that is so great! that would be his dream come true. I hope he makes it. but I hope I still get to see him. I really miss him. I miss tim too. but what is in kentucky?
It is now 12:32 and so I cannot wait until 12:52 because at that time my writing will be done. I type slowly anyway so I shouldnt have too much trouble typing for twenty minutes and producing much of a paper. I am not thinking about much at the moment except for the fact I am hungry and stressed out. The first week or two of school seemed pretty easy and then all of the sudden, yesterday it hit me. I am in college and at this point I need to get my priorities straight. I am enjoying myself too much and need to have more focus. My mind is just wondering a million miles a minute about nothing in particular. I need a job, but Im so busy with school and stuff with my sorority, which is another story. I am not the proudest to be in a sorority. Don't get me wrong, it's a great honor and a fun time, but I don't like the whole association that comes with it. My whole life does not revolve around guys and partying and allowing myself no friends or life outside of the sorority, as many of them do. In fact, I like so many people outside my sorority and would like to get to know them better that it makes me wonder if this is a good, more importantly, healthy fit for me?  I love Austin because of it's diversity and that became one of the main factors in choosing schools between SMU and here. There are so many interesting people and I want to get to know them all or at least try. Wow, it's already been over 10 minutes and this has not been too hard. I used to write daily in my journal at home, but havent had too much spare time to do that here, so maybe that is why I have been able to do this, and express myself so well. I enjoy so much being able to express myself on paper, which may explain why I write so much-journal, letters, poems. It helps me gain a sense of relief and since I don' express my feelings out loud too often, I need to do this daily, if not more so I can release all that I feel. I am excited about doing psychology this year because I hope to decide between the two majors I am struggling with. I am at the moment down for premed/nutrition and I really do want to go into medicine, but I've also always been interested in criminal psychology. It may be a little depressing, but I find it very interesting, and definitely want a job I love. A few months back, I read Helter Skelter and this encouraged my psychology path a little more, so I am hoping this class will help with my decision making. I guess we'll see. It is 12:51 now and time for me to stop.
Well, yesterday was a good day, that is until I spoke to my boyfriend on the phone. I guess I was being overly mean to him and we got in a big argument over nothing. I was mad at him and then hung up with him, then I called to apologize and he was mad at me for being mad at him. It was just one big drama over nothing. I guess I made him extra angry because he told me he needed to sleep it off otherwise he might say things he really didn't mean. That ofcourse made me sad, because all I wanted to do was say sorry and just talk to him. He is attending college at Texas State, the big party school, and I guess I'm just scared I'm going to lose him. He's already been doing what that school is known for, boozing it up. Although I haven't been with him for long, the connection we share is the best feeling I've felt in such a long time. It makes me sad because I'm not sure if relationships like mine are meant to last. I've never heard anything good about long distance relationships, and the more I think about it, the more I worry. Maybe that's why I was being rude to him. My fears just come out in other ways. It's so strange though because I know I can see him pretty much every weekend. I'm just so confused right now. Maybe I'm just stressed. It is my first year of college and I'm expreiencing so many new things, including confusing lectures from professors. I just want everything to be okay. I want good grades. I want to have fun. And most of all I want to work things out with my boyfriend. I felt like crying when I got off the phone with him last night, but I held back because I didn't want my room mate to thing anything was wrong. When I think of my boyfriend I can only think of a future with him. I've known him a lot longer than I've actually been with him, and it's not that he's just someone to kiss and hug, he's more of a best friend to me. I know this may not last forever, and that's what makes my heart break. I'm only 18. What are the odds of he and I actually getting married, honestly? Then it makes me think why I even bother getting into relationships if they are just going to end? There really is no point. On the other hand, I need to be with this boy. Life just wouldn't be the same without him. What to do? Maybe I'll just propose to him. haha, yeah right. I just want things to be okay. I just want to be happy, and it seems he's one of the main reasons I am. Grrr, all of this stuff doesn't even make any sense. Anyhow, this writing assignment was really helpful. Got some of my feelings out, and I've never said any of this stuff to anyone. It was like a journal. I'm glad I'm taking such a cool class.
Damn, I should have smoked a cigarette before I started writing. Now I have to wait for twenty minutes. It's cold in here, I thought that I turned the AC off. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be writing. When I have to think about typing it's hard to figure out what else I'm thinking about. Today's September 11th isn't it?  I wonder if anything is going on. I wish I didn't have to work on Saturday. I want to go tubing with Brandon and his family. That sounds like so much fun. I hate having to work and go to school. It's so pointless, driving an hour each way, just to work for a few hours. It makes no sense, and neither does them cutting my hours because they're over on manager hours when I've only worked one day so far this week and they're wasting all there manager hours having Danielle and Craig come in at four in the morning to work on truck. That's fourteen manager hours that they're throwing away off hours when we always have to have a manager there when the store is open and just because Craig wants to be off by noon because Sunday is the only day that Craig gets to see his boyfriend, never mind that they live together. And never mind the fact that my boyfriend, all my friends and family live in another city. Never mind. Days of Our Lives is on in the next room. I think that this storyline has been going on for about a year and a half. My arm is falling asleep. It's amazing how they can drag a single conversation out for an entire week on these shows. I've decided to boycott the news. All they do is perpetuate a society of fear. The only stories that make it to the news have to involve murder, terror or death. They don't even need reasons anymore. all they have to do is say we are in orange. you must be afraid. be very afraid. Cut to commercial. consume. consume consume. That movie Bowling For Columbine captured the whole American fear thing so perfectly. How ironic that Michael Moore criticizes the United State's part in foreign wars, Bush's policies and all that crap throughout the movie. he wins two Emmy's for it and criticizes this stupid war in his acceptance speech, and is ridiculed for it. You can say whatever you want to in a documentary, we'll even award you for it, but don't you dare say anything bad about this war or our incompetent president when you're wearing a tuxedo. Now my toes are falling asleep, too. I probably shouldn't sit like this. I hope I can catch the bus on time in the morning, and I hope it's still free for students. Now my toes are tingling. Damn, I still have four minutes to go. I wonder what the next assignment is going to be. I'm not sure how accurately someone can actually write in stream of consciousness from their own perspective. When you write, no matter how fast, you choose what you put on the paper and you are limited in what you are thinking about to what you are writing. The best stream of consciousness stuff that I have read has been highly ordered and well thought out by a writer who is writing the thoughts of a fictional character. Like in Sound and the Fury. I can't remember who wrote that. I don't think that it was Fitzgerald. Oh, cool, my time is up.
I have a ton of things to do. I still need that book for MIS. I wonder  what Jon is doing?  He's probably waiting for me to call him back. Man,  I'm so happy matti called. I miss her very much, I wish she still lived here. I can't wait to hang out with Jon's sister and husband that should be pretty cool. The purple on this screen is sort-of pretty. I can't  believe it actually feels cool in this house, it's always so hot in here. I hope you go downtown tonight I haven't been since school started. I'm always studying or I have to wake up so early. I can't believe I'm not  swearing as I write. It's kind of a natural thing for me but I'm holding  back in case who ever reads this gets offended. I think my mom's home I wonder what took her so long to get home. Usually she is always getting  home from work early. I wonder if I'm going to get a bad grade on this because I keep pressing return, but if I don't then I have to click the  arrow buttons and that takes to much time away from my typing. Man this is getting easier as I go, I thought I'd start typing and just go blank. Why  do people ask so many questions?  I guess I do and I just don't notice it. I keep thinking of different things while I'm typing. Days Of Our Lives  was so good the other day. Carrie slapping Sami was awesome I've been  waiting for the day for Austin to find out that Sami was lying. Lucas  doesn't even like her anymore for not telling him that will was his son. My neck is starting to hurt. I would hate to have a data entry job, that  would get so old. It's so crazy that I asked Danielle about Mariell today and they got in a fight just last weekend. I completely forgot about  Mariell until I saw her best friend the other day when we went tubing. Tubing was a blast I hope we do that again before it gets to cold. I was  drunk as a skunk. that food from El Mercado was good or maybe it tasted  good because I was drunk and super hungry. I wonder how many students from UT are online right now?  I bet a whole bunch. I like this new desk my  parents bought for me. It's so much nicer than what our computer use to sit on. I need to start exercising. I have a membership at world gym, and I pay $16. 22 a month and I never go. But if Jon didn't work at nights then I would make him go with me. I hate going by myself, because it's  so boring if you don't have some to talk to or if you don't have headphones. My headphones broke so I guess I'm just going to keep making excuses until I get my lazy but up and workout. Right? Right. Well I'm pretty sure it's  been 20 minutes so goodbye.
So I started my college life about two weeks ago. It has all gone pretty much as to what I had expected it to be like. I live in University Towers which is an off campus dorm and I have met tons of new people. I live with four girls whom I didnt know when I first started school. Some older people at the University set us up. I really like the fact that we are all starting new with each other. We get to experience our new life together. We get along great and do everything together. I am also really enjoying the fact that I get to make all my decisions on my own. Not having parents around all the time has its up's and it's downs. I mean I don't have someone annoying me all the time about finishing my work I have to realize when it has to be turned in and different deadlines for tests and projects. I have however found it kind of difficult to really take on a full schedule and truly realize everything that has to be taken care of in one full day. I have noticed that there aren't enough hours in the day to get everything completly finished. With homework, reading, running errands and outside activites there is so much to do with so little time. My roomate and I have had grown very close over the past two weeks. We have developed many habbits that we both enjoy. We realized that it takes the longest for the two of us to get ready and we love listening to music while we get ready because it pumps us up and gets us excited. I feel that the two of us are only going to get closer as our college life unfolds itself. We both experienced Texas Recruitment together. We both wanted to join the same sorority so that we could have another aspect of our life in college together to be the same. We accomplished another goal of us and we both got bids to the same sorority. I feel at home whenever I am at the house. Each and every girl is excited with open arms to welcome all 63 of the new pledges. I am so glad that not only are we roomates with each other we are sorority sisters as well. Other than my social life and living arrangements at school, the most important aspect is my education. I am taking 4 classes which comes out to 14 hours. I chose the classes that I wanted to take and the first two weeks have gone great. The work load started off fine and I think that I am going to be able to handle everything. I was a little nervous at first about the large classes because I came from a high school that was a decent size but the classes ranged from 10-35 people. My classes at Texas on the other hand were quite large. I didnt know if I was going to be able to concentrate during a lecture if there were on average 100-300 people in the classes. As soon as one day passed I knew it wouldnt be a problem as long as I got to class early so that I would have a decent seat and be able to listen as closly as I could. As these last two weeks have flown by I have realized differnt tecniques to make the rest of my experiences at Texas even better. I have learned from my mistakes and I have gained from my experiences.
Adjusting to the classes, increased freedom and increases in "having a good time" have all been fairly easy to get used to. Meeting new people has been exciting and the "name game of trying" to remember everyone I have met has been a challenge. This Labor Day weekend I saw the huge different between high school and college as I decided to take a road trip with three other friends to Galveston, a popular Labor Day hangout. I don't know if it was the college parties that made  the night we were there seem dull or just that several key things were missing that usually made the time memorable. Seeing my younger friends made me feel out of place, and talk of curfew violations almost made me laugh. One thing is for sure those times are over and  getting further away, but also new and improved times are ahead. This weekend has also showed me that I am a very patient person. My roommate Paul has shown this to me. Having my windshield broken, being almost evicted from our apartment and being irresponsible are just a few of my things my roommate has done this weekend. If I am still sane at the end of the year I think that I will be a stronger person, because of having to deal with Paul. I feel the classes are picking up as professors start talking about future exams. O, I almost forgot to mention my goals for this year (in no specific order)- get good grades (a 4. 0), not get fatter, stupider, not get into too much trouble and have a blast. Basically I hope to work hard and play hard.
I just got out of rugby practice. this is the first practice we have had with the veteran players. my body hurts and for some reason I can't sleep so i decided to do this. im too excited to do anything, but think about the next practice. it reminds me of playing soccer in highschool. we should have won state my sophomore year. we had the most talented team i had ever seen at that level. two of the players from that year actually play in the mls. I love rugby. I was never a very imposing guy until about my junior year of highschool and by that time it was too late to play football. so i kept playing soccer. but i've always wanted to just level the other team, and now I can do that. I missed biology this morning because is et my alarm for 7:30 pm instead of 7:30 am. I hate when i do things like that. I miss summer school at UT. It was so much more fun than the fall. Everyone hung out together, and we could all get in to any party no matter if we were rushing or not. Now I'm lucky if I see one of the people from summer just once a week. Fall was suppose to be better. A girl that was my best friend in highschool, and I am absolutely in love with is here now. we have been here about two and a half weeks and we have only spent time together once. All she cares about is her sorority. And when we did hang out all she did was talk about how she was   tired of dealing with it.   Why doesn't she quit?  What is her obsession with being a part of something?  I just wish that we were growing closer like we thought we would in college. Instead we are moving further and further apart. Every guy she meets ends up asking her out on a date. She always some how avoids it, and I don't know why. Suddenly, a guy with plans for a very successful career seems much more attarctive than just a regular guy that wants to have fun and hang out. I can't believe i just wrote that because I am one of those guys with plans for a successful career. Maybe thats not what she is looking for at all. She lives seven floors below me but instead of coming up to say hi, she just calls. We talk two or three times a day, and when we see eachother we always give eachother subtle compliments. She is the one person who can always make me laugh no matter what kind of mood I'm in. I guess thats what being best friends for five years will do to you. I never knew I thought about her as much as I do. I think I'll go and see
Right now I am feeling good because today is Friday. So far I have really enjoyed my first week of school. I like all my classes so far, and I am embracing the whole college experience. I am also happy because I am going home to Houston today. It has only been a week since I left but I already miss my house and especially my parents. Right actually I do not have anything on my mind. I am pretty tired because I slept late last night and had a fairly early class. In fact, right now sleep would be really good. Well my stomach is also talking to me so I am also hungry. I have not eaten yet today. I am actually eating less in college since I seem to be always busy and always on the run. I like it though because maybe then I can lose some weight. Another thing in my mind is how complicated computers are. I never was really into computers in high school and now in college I have to constantly use it. I wish I was better with computers because I really think it is useful and is part of everybody's daily lives. I think the reason why I do not care for the computer much is because due to my impatience. I cannot really tolerate having to go in circles to find what I really want. For example this assignment would already have been done last night but for some reason I could not get into the website. However, I am glad I am finally able to finish my work after several tries late last night. I think it is quite interesting how a lot can be said about a person through their writing because right now it seems that I am rambling and to be honest I do not think that there's anything logical in my head right now. I am not really thinking about anything but what to write for this assignment, if that made any sense. My brain is just telling me to think of something to write. Actually I am also anticipating for the time to be up. Twenty minutes can be long when you do not have much to say. Speaking of waiting for the time to pass by, it has been twenty minutes. I am finally done.