Well I just got don't talking to my brother. He is doing well. That is good becasue I worry about him, and I don't even worry about him that much until I hear him say that he eats lunch and dinner alone. He is only a freshmen at UTA and it's only been like a week and he has to have time to make friends but he is just not as good as I am at making friends. My mom worries about him too, so that makes me worry even more. It is cold in here. I wish it was warmer, but I have one roommate who likes it hot and one who likes it cold and the one who likes it cold is in the living room and I can't exactly argue since she pays rent here too. oh well. She is watching CSI, which is not something I terribly care for, its an ok show but I have different things that I watch. Her and I tried to go to the gym earlier to play racquetball bt all the courts were full, so we reserved one for tomorrow, but who knows what is going on tomorrow. We rode our bikes there and it is so hot outside, I cannot wait until it gets cold, although I will complain then too but at least the cold is more easy to deal with then the heat at least to me. god the TV is loud, I don't know why its so loud, its just me and her in the room. I have a lot to do and I am putting it off. I have math homework due next wednesday and I need to get it don't before this weekend because my boyfriend is going back home to houston and he is my help for that class. I understand just about nothing in that class and it scares me. He is very patient with me and I love him and are very grateful to him that he takes time out of his homework to help me with mine. right now his roommates are mad at him because all he does now is hang out with me and they don't understand why, well they understand but hey don't like it and I cannot help it, its his choice. I am worried about chemistry, I understand nothing in that class either. I thought I was good at chemistry, I wanted to be a pharmacist but now I just don't know and that scares me too. I am feeling extremely overwhelmed with everything right now. UT is a lot different from UTSA. my neck hurts and I don't know why, I didn't get to work out today, since the racquetball courts are full. my roommate just asked me if she could use my garlic. I don't really mind but she always throws a fit when I ask to borrow her stuff, not like its a big deal or anything it just gets on my nerves every now and then. I am so scared about chemistry, I have to ask my boyfriends roommate this weekend to help me figure it out. we have a quiz on tuesday over the stuff we have been learning although I feel like I have not been learning anything. it worries me so much, I feel like I have no direction again. I don't know what I want to be or what I want my major to be and my parents kept asking me and my advisor told me to just choose so I chose pharmacy and now with the chemistry part being so hard and I thought I was going to be good at it, I am scared that I won't be able to be a pharmacist anymore and that will only disappoint me and my parents. I feel like I have no direction and I can't just force myself to have one. I wish that I had something I was REALLY good at but I don't. I have a lot of things that I am good at but not one thing that I really excel in and sometimes that hurts my feelings and makes me feel bad about who I am. wow already been 13 minutes time goes by fast when you just keep typing. I need to shave my legs, now it smells gross in here because of the amount of garlic my roommate used. my arms are starting to hurt because of all the typing only 6 minutes to go. this writing thing is not that bad I think its a good idea I hope thy don't mind all my grammatical errors and or misspellings, why does my neck hurt!  I need to repaint my toenail, I keep messing them up because I won't let them dry all the way before I put my shoes back on. I wish my boyfriend would hurry up and come home at work no actually I am glad that he is working , he needs the money. our three year anniversary is coming up and I have nothing to get him, no idea whatsoever and neither of us have the money to do anything really special so I don't know exactly how this is going to work this year. man I wish I could get motivated to learn that chemistry stuff but I already feel so behind that it makes me discouraged to even try now. I know I will try but I just don't know I just wish that I knew what was going on in there. I was so good at it in high school and that was back in 10th grade and I remember some stuff that he has talked about but not hardly most of it and now I feel behind like I am not going to be able to catch up. I wish that it was not in such a big room I think that is part of my problem, I am not getting the basic review that I need to refresh my memory form so long ago but I guess that is partly my fault, I should be reading, and I am going to as soon as I can motivate myself and tell myself that I can do it and that I am good at it and that I do have a future being good at something.