ahs10/essays-big5 huggingface dataset:
When I first thought about the stream of consciousness writing assignment, I figured my natural stream of consciousness would deliver my views on life and the issues that apply to the everyday. However, all I've been able to think about in the past twenty minutes is a girl. Her name is Kaylee. We became close towards the end of the summer before I came back to Austin. She lives in Dallas so its hard to get to see her very often. One date was all it took. I mean I've known the girl for years, but it became different after this one night. Kind of going from childhood friends to, I don't know, maybe something romantic. If I had known anything was there, I would've stomped on this opportunity a long time ago kind of like if I had known that there were 5 very essential vitamins in California Style Sunny Delight, I would've drunk that my whole life instead of orange juice. When did they come out with Sunny Delight anyways? I don't think it's been around for my entire life but probably pretty close. Possibly when I was five or six years old. At any rate, I always think to myself  could this girl be the one? She's beautiful to start with, and besides that, she's just amazing. I can't spend enough time with that girl. Just going to the playground and swinging with her makes me happy. I got a call from her the other day saying she was going to come see me next weekend. This could possibly be why I haven't been able to get her out of my mind. I really can't wait to see her. Possibly more excited than going to Chile next summer. I'm just packing up my bags and heading down there to see if I can land a job at a local ski resort. I've always wanted to ski bum for a season, so I figured this would be a good chance. And being that the summer in our hemisphere is winter in their hemisphere, it works out  having all summer off. I was actually stressing about this all day being that it has to be in by 5 o clock. I'm leaving for College Station sometime today and I have got so much to do. A police officer gave me a speeding ticket two nights ago on Riverside. Now I have to take defensive driving and get my car inspected to get out of this ticket. And this, piled onto everything else that is going on. I'd say my stress level has recently risen to a 7! Nonetheless, I'm getting out of town this weekend and probably the next too. The swells are getting up to 6 feet on the Texas gulf coast this weekend which is unheard of around here, so I want to get out and catch some waves before they recede. Surfing just makes me relax  puts me in a zone where there are no worries. Soccer doesn't do that for me. I played all my life and it was very fun but also came with a lot of pressure. There were many reasons I guess, but I just played to play, not to win a state championship or anything. Well I guess my twenty minutes are up, time to take a shower!
Right now I'm sitting in the computer lab at my dorm. I'm really bored and really want to get this writing assignment out of the way. The direction say that I should type for 20 minutes. I have 18 minutes to go. I'm a really slow typist. I was just watching TV with my roommate and then I came down here to check my e-mail. My dad sent me a really sweet message. I really miss him but I'm really not homesick. I'm having a lot of fun up here at school and meeting a lot of new people. I really like all of my classes. Okay, fifteen minutes to go. My ankle really hurts because I sprained it. There were some girls in here that would not shut up and they were really getting on my nerves. One of them just hit my chair as she was leaving and didn't even apology. The letter after y on this key board will not work. Okay, I'm supposed to be living in a really nice dorm and this computer won't even work right. Oh well. I fell really bad for my roommate because she and her mom got in a fight tonight and she was crying when I came home and stuff. She really is a nice person and we get along really well. Only 11 more minutes to go. Well, I'm really excited about the football game this weekend. My friends went and got tickets for me and my roommate to sit with them. We are on the fifty yard line on the first row. I can't wait. My parents are leaving for Maine in about two weeks. They have a huge trip planned to New York, Washington, Maine, Boston, and somewhere else. I'm really excited for them. They need some time to get away. My dad really works too hard so this will be a time for them to relax and have some fun. They just celebrated their twenty-seventh anniversary. I think that is really cool and I admire them for being so happily married for so long. My roommate just came in to check her e-mail. I wonder if she has any. She is now e-mailing one of her friends. I wonder if Keith will call me back tonight. I hope that he is not too mad at me. I guess I find out soon enough. I had so much fun this past weekend. I spent the weekend with my four friends that have an apartment here in Austin. My roommate went home for the weekend so I just hung out with them. We had a BBQ one night and watched movies and went swimming and laid in the hot tub and just relaxed. It was so much fun. I think that I'll spend this weekend with them again. Gabe kissed me this past weekend and I really don't know what to think. He calls me a lot now to check on me and to make sure I get home okay and to see what I'm doing and stuff. We've been friends for a long time so I really don't know what to think. Well, my twenty minutes if officially up, so see ya later.
I do have spells of concentration where I can get things accomplished, and I guess getting around to doing this assignment is one of them. I don't know what happened to me in the past couple years of my life. I grew up as a bad girl--always in the corner in elementary school, only girl in my crowd to be suspended, first girl to try "new things. "  But in the middle of my sophomore year in high school I came into contact with a few people who made me WANT to change my lifestyle. I lived in the Dubai, United Arab Emirates from 7th grade until the middle of my junior year. I went to a small, elite private school, The American School of Dubai, where I was known by teachers and parents (and everyone knew everyone in our community)as strange and, therefore bad. My attitude was "screw them" because I was angry at the world and dissatisfied with society. mind you if you really know me you find I am generally a good-natured person who looks for the best in people if they have anything to offer. And this is what my sophomore English teacher did. she was an amazing women, beyond intelligent, down to earth, somewhat of a cynic, hilarious, but very tough. a lot of students hated her at first but eventually realized she was doing it for your own good. But if you acted stupid she treated you like you were. But she treated me with respect straight off and I was slightly stunned. it sounds cheesy but she made me want to work to prove to people I had "what it takes". I was always told I had potential and I knew I did. she made me see my strong points of analyzing literature and writing and from then on I wanted to do well in school. by no means did I become a bookworm. I had fun but also made straight A's in all honor/AP classes and I realized how easily it came to me and I was content. two years later, a year and a half after I moved back to the States, I actually got to see the recommendation she wrote for my college applications, although I wasn't supposed to. I think I cried. it was the first time someone who took me seriously enough to write and let people know that I was one of the few people who had actually touched HER life. god knows she touched mine. now I know what I have to offer even if other people don't. but lately things have become overwhelming and I feel like my hold on my life is slipping. I just hope I do decently in university. I know I can if I try but I feel no motivation. I have no energy to kick my brain in gear. and it makes me sick. but I do have hope and deep down I know I can get over it. I realize I have hit a rather shallow, false part of life and I hope my interest in learning will give me a fat kick in the rear.
Well today I feel really stressed since there are so many things to be done for my classes. Like today I had to do this writing assignment to get it out of the way and do my math homework. By the way, I have no idea how to do my math homework which adds on more stress to my life. Anyways this weekend was pretty fun since I went to a retreat for freshman and transfer students. I am a transfer student and I really miss Austin Community College (the college I went to last year). At ACC you get more individual attention and school work is a lot easier than here at the University of Texas. Today I have a class that is three hours long, and since this is the first Monday out of the semester it will be first time going to this class since it only meets on Mondays. Next week will be my first week to start work so I am really looking forward to it but also worried about how much rest I am going to get with school and work. It is my first job so I don't know how I am going to deal with it. Well this psychology class seems kind of scary because half of the time I don't know what the professor means by what he says and personally I am not a real psychology fan. I mean it isn't my favorite subject in the world and it is my first time taking a course dealing with how the mind works and why things are the way they are. I believe that God does everything for a reason so why question what God has done he knows everything. Don't get me wrong it is good to question things, but one is not going to understand everything in this world anyways. For example, if someone is brought up raising chickens in a farm and then goes to a city, that person is going to feel uncomfortable or out of place since he or she has been brought up in a farm. Well they are going to look at everything in a different point of view as if someone who has been living in a city all of their life. Also, people who lived in different countries with different customs and traditions, everyone is different in their own way so what good will it do to question everything since there are different answers for all of us. Another example is that I still don't know what correlation is we talked about it in the Discussion session and think it is some kind of relationship between two things and that is all I know. There are other terms that I am not to familiar with also and I hope I understand them better soon before the test. I really want to get good grades this semester so I don't have to be catching up in future semesters at the University Of Texas. I really don't know that many people here, but I have met a lot of new friends at my church and that has helped me to get used to University life and the moral aspect of what not to do and what is good for me. Well I think that is about all I have to say today, hopefully I will understand the psychology class better as the semester progresses.
I'm feeling tired because I just ate and I'm concerned about finishing my chemistry homework for tomorrow. I need to go through two more chapters today and then review all six of them by Thursday for the test. I've fallen behind because I was unable to get anything done last weekend because I went back home to Houston. I also didn't get anything done yesterday because I again I had to go back to Houston for the funeral of one of my friends from high school that got killed. He was driving to Dallas to meet his roommate and had to swerve to miss a deer. It was pretty sad considering he had most of his life in front of him. His car flipped three times and he was crushed. I found out yesterday at the service that he had a rosary in his pocket when he died. interesting. I just noticed that the Astros won there ninth game in a row. I'm thinking about going to medical school after I got my degree in Architectural Engineering. I want to be a psychiatrist if I don't continue my study of Architectural Enginnering. I've got myself listed as being in pre-med. It so happens that 10 of my 14 hours also count towards the completion of pre-med. That was one of the best things that happened when I went to Freshman Orientation in the summer. When I went to see my advisor, she reentered my registration code and it will allow me to register for non-engineering required pre-med classes like biology, etc. Chemistry is pretty easy right now, it's just that we are going at a really fast pace. I hope that he (Dr. White) slows down pretty soon. At this rate, we will be through with the book a month early. He's already covered six chapters in two-and-half weeks. One of the other classes (the one with my roommate) is still on Chapter 1. I wonder what I'm going to do for dinner tonight. My roommate and I were trying to decide earlier if we should go out or if we should just make sandwiches in the dorm. At any rate, we both have homework and studying to do, so when and if we go it will probably be late. It doesn't really matter when we go since we don't have to get up early for class tomorrow. The only day I have to get up early is on Tuesday. I have a Geology for Engineers lab at 8AM. It's an easy lab, but the Geology for Engineers class itself looks difficult. I really like everyday except Tuesday because I can stay up late and study, or go out and not have to worry about getting enough sleep. It fits my schedule perfectly. I notice that my time is almost up. I have another one of these to do tomorrow. I should have got started sooner. I missed lunch today because I didn't get back into town until it was too late. After I got in, my roommate and I went to go workout. Sunday is usually our off day, but we decided to go max-out on the bench press. We usually go workout everyday except Sunday. Our dorm is located in a really good spot. We are right between the Stadium and Gregory Gym here at Moore-Hill. It sure does make for a long walk to some of my classes though. Oh well, time's up.
At this very moment I am tired and hot, I really don't like not having a computer at my house because it causes me to have to walk far in ordere to do my assignments that are assigned through the internet. In this heat I really hate to walk. If it was cooler outside I might not mind as much, but until then I will be sweating like a pig every time I have to come to the FAC. On top of all other things I moved two hundred miles away from home and my boyfriend so I really have a constant sad feeling streaming through my mind. There are some things that I will never be able to forget and one is that my boyfirend is 200 hundred miles from me. I really wish there was some way that I would be able to still come to UT, but also have mt boyfriend here with me. The days just don't seem like normal days unless I am ablt to see my boyfreind everyday and talk to him whenever I want without having to worry about how much money I will be spending on a phone call. I had really great weekend with him, this Labor day weekend. We sure did have a lot of fun. If only there was some way we could things like that every time we see each other. a felling of depression comes through me every time I think about him. I try to fight it off but I can never seem to forget about him for more than ten minutes. I a definitely in love with him. I never knew love could be so strong. I really can't seem to get him off my mind no matter how hard I try. Some times it seems like I don't ever want him off my mind. I wish he was here with me right now then t would not be obbessing over him on my writing assignment. That seems a little strange, but oh well like I said it is impossible to get him out of my head. Seems strange to be so in love only after 4 months. especially with a guy that I would not even give a chance until after five years. I wish there was something else I could have pop into my mind so I would  not feel so sad. I like to change my thoughts or at least try to change my thoughts to think about something happy every once in a while so I won't always be in this sad mood. I use to always be happy, rarely in a sad mood, but since I moved from home without my parents and friends I cry every night I don't thik it is fair. I want to get use to Austin and meet some people so that I can start a new group of friends here and will be one thing away from what is causing me to always be sad. I thought living with my sister would he,lp with the sadness but it really hasn't she is never aorund and I really don't like being alone or a long peroid of time so that just adds fear to the list of things I exparience daily since I have been living here.
I miss my family. They mean a great deal to me and and love them very much. Without my best friend, Sam, here with me, I wouldn't be here writing this thing. I have never been away from home for more than 10 days and it is something that I know will take some time to get used too. This weekend I will get to see my family and one of my other best friends, Ben, and his family. Sam and I are going to meat them at Lake LBJ Friday afternoon. Wakeboarding, my family and friends, it will be great, I can't wait until Friday. Ut is a lot harder than the junior college I used to go to, its on whole other level and thats why I'm here.  Its time for me to go to the next level and do what I do best, create. I have met a lot of really good people over the last 2 weeks, my friend Sam introduced me to RUF, its a Bible study for college kids, its good me and I like it. Sam also introduced me to Ultimate frisbee, its totally sweet, I'm thinking of playing intermurals, last year the RUF team won the damn thing. I feel more alone right now than I ever have in my life and I think I'm taking it pretty good. I talk to my family everyday and that helps, but when I walk in my door there isn't anybody there who loves me or who asks me how my day was it hurts. Its something that only time can heal. I'm at the age when its time to   leave the nest   so to speak and I've been ready, then questioned myself, then proved my readiness again. My desire to create and express myself grows everyday, as soon as I gain ascess to a darkroom my work will be some of the best I have ever produced to this date. I have never had these intence feallings and I think they will show in my prints. I also have the desire to write a song, my friend Garret, that I met through RUF, and is also one of Sams roomates, writes songs and plays the guitar. I know I can't sing and I know I can't play so writting seems to be a good choice for musical expression.
So here I go. I'm writing. Don't know what though cause I think this is hard. Tapping fingers. click, click, click I wish it was Friday This is very artificial. Rereading my words  I don't like it. I thought I would have more to say, but so far not much is coming up. I'm a very bad typist? whatever. Let's go on. I like my rings. I have only four on my fingers, I think I need more. All silver. There was a pause there. So much for writing for a full 20 minutes, including ALL thoughts. :)I like that. Look(!),I bet I don't even get a scrolly bar thing. Yes, my one page stream, more like trickle, of consciousness. So anyways I guess I'll be like everyone else and tell you about my dog. He's a cutie. A mutt but I love him the more for it. I think he's his own breed or dog or whatever. Yup, he's a shortie. We're always tripping over him, poor thing. (Pause) Tap, tap, tap. I wish I could type faster, like the girl next to me. Damn her. oohooh, my time's almost up. Did I mention I like my nails too. I painted them real pretty. I'll have to show them to Chela. I can't wait until Friday. It's been forever since we've all gone out. Time's up.
I have lots of things to today. I need to read and take note for all my classes. The bird is really getting on my nerves. I hope I will be able to finish all of my homework in time. If I write my paper at home I can print it at my sister's house, but I would have to finish it before I go home because I do not want to do it this weekend. I would ask someone to print it for me but I do not have enough time to go in the morning. I wonder what the psychology test is going to be like. I can't wait to go home. I miss my nephew so much and he is growing so fast. I miss my mom and dad. I hope my dad is o. k. The doctors can't do anything anymore and I am very worried about him. I do not have to do laundry today and the apartment is going to quiet if I do not put the television on. I am going to try to work all day without the television. Once as I turn it on it will never be turned off and I need to study. I really enjoy my days off. Too bad this is the last time I get to sleep late and not have to go anywhere. I would not be able to go anywhere since I do not have a car and I can't drive a standard. I want my own car, a VW Bug that is midnight blue. My aunt has one and it is so big and has lots of space. It is the perfect car for me because I do not like huge cars. Big cars seem to take control over you and I like to be able to control the car. I also want it to be an automatic because I do not know how to drive a stick shift. It would also be so much easier with an automatic.
I am sitting here in front of the computer trying to write a constant flow  of my thoughts its about 1:30 in the morning the day of the first UT football  game that was successfully won by the Horns my roommate is sleeping right now  it seem that he sleeps almost 14 hours a day it makes me mad that for some  reason that it seems to me that he wastes time so much. All he does every day  is go to class, which I guess I should give him credit for that, and when  class is over all he does is sit in front of the computer and download things  or he lays in bed and watches TV or movies all day he is not that social  either he isn't part of a fraternity or any other group or doesn't play any  intramurals. He doesn't study whatsoever I guess I am just worried about  him because I care about him I mean we've been friends since the sixth grade. It seems kind of weird when we were in junior high he was the sociable type  and I was the reclusive type and about since the 10th grade the situation has  taken a 180 degree turn I hope they televise the 49er game that they are  playing against the Rams and even though most everyone especially my roommate  thinks that the 49er don't have a prayer I believe that this opportunity will  be a coming out party for JJ Stokes and the emergence of Jim Drunkenmiller the  last rookie quarterback to start for the Niners was Joe Montana hopefully a  good sign I am also kind of disappointed that I am not able to join the  professional business fraternities because they hold most of there meetings  when I have my CH301 extension course from 6 to7:30 PM but hey looking at the  positive side I have something extra to look forward to next year it sure is  great to be alive I feel like I am on top of the world everything is working  like clockwork I feel like watching Disney movies well it's about 2 o'clock  so I guess that I should go to sleep to rest for the world that lays upon me  tomorrow and remember to smile after all physical motion controls the mental emotion ( - :