Yeah so I am so stressed right now and I am wishing that I wouldn't have eaten that popcorn because eating isn't exactly that best reaction to stress. I could get FAT!!! I don't want to be fat. I mean I know that college girls gain weight naturally and then they lose it after a few months at school! Right?!?!? But I am trying to run a lot!!!! That way, I can burn stress and burn calories. EXTRA CALORIES!!! I am having a hard time not getting irritated when I eat a lot. that's weird huh!? That it's when I am hungry that I'm not most irritable. hmmmm well Today when I went running, I realized that I should have stretched because it's going to be hard to continue running everyday when I'm tight. and get this! I've lost 5 lbs since I got to school. But How?!?!? I've been everything in sight and building new leg muscle through running! Oh well. Still I was kind of excited! But I am mad that I haven't started my period yet. My mood swings are terrible and so are again. My eating patterns! And that's when I find it hardest to study especially when the subject is something I don't like. SPANISH!!! UGH! I want to move to Spain and learn it by living with people who speak it! But I really don't want to go to a class everyday where my instructor hardly knows English so she is slow to interpret and yet teach. Does she really think that if she say's something over and over again that people will just ohhhhhh I've heard that word before. and oh I know what it means! Poof! I mean we have to LEARN something before we can know it. Did she know that she had to use a toilet on earth sooner or later when she came out of her Mother's womb. NO! She was pottied trained. RIGHT! Well My high school Spanish teacher was horrible and I had the worst experience with that . while I got a great grade, I didn't learn that much which was really disappointing!!! I mean I am glad I got an A but she didn't prepare me for UT where my prof speaks in SPANISH all the time. not just when she is interacting with us but when she is giving us instructions on how to understand it! Would I say to a baby. Ok this is how you open your mouth. open it open it. Do you know what I am saying?!?! It kind of reminds me of those ignorant people that yell at people who can't speak English well. they aren't trying to be mean but they may say "HEY HOW ARE YOU" really loudly and you're like "Dude, they aren't deaf! They just don't know that words you are speaking or the way you say them might be very confusing to someone" Right?!?! grr. So I feel bad for whoever has to read this because they are going to be like "MAN this girl is so negative!" Golly, I am right now because I see my Spanish prof EVERYDAY! like I said before. so yeah! uhhhhh well I am excited about this weekend but at the same time I keep thinking of how behind I am compared to everyone else here at UT, intellectually and academically! I mean I feel so insignificant some times. However I know where I get my wisdom from and that is Jesus Christ who makes my knowing God possible! He saved me from the depths of HELL! And even after doubting him so much and having to research Jesus' life and creation and all that. I have found that He is the one . He is my sufficiency! I mean who knows more than the God of the universe, the creator of the heavens and I am so in awe in how he provides for me materially and more importantly Mentally, emotionally, Spiritually, and Intellectually! I mean who could know how to live like a human any better that the God that came to live like us at a point in time (point in time meaning 33 years roughly out of so many thousands of years) There is just so much opposition to him right now. I mean there always has been obviously (that's why he was put to death. well actually God let him die as a sacrifice for us!)but I just want everyone else to know his love and I really don't feel the need to push it off on anyone in a "bible beating" manner but just to love them through how I treat them. Hopefully. I wasn't too negative for . you know what I'm just going to shut up and whoever reads this. PLEASE LOOK FOR JESUS WITH THE PRE_SUPPOSITIONS that he doesn't exist. expect to find him and I know you will! To his glory alone!