Life, was is it. what can we humans get from it. Is it just something we experience and can't explain? but why do I think of this? no one tells me to do it I just to it. do I feel like I have the answers? maybe, maybe we all have the answer to what bothers us. can we decide when the hurting stops and when our happiness begins. I guess I'm trying to evaluate what is bothering me now. kind of strange, or is it? the think that is bothering me now is that someone else is going to read what I am placing down on this sheet. it doesn't seem fare for me to be doing this when no one else tells me what they think. so I'm giving my 2 cents for nothing, and to no one so I will think about something else. school. kind of fun yet very hard to do. what should I major in? I wanted to do something with math but now that kind of seems hard, money wise. I'm guess I'm just going to go for something that is easy for me to get now. then payback loans and go back for a math degree of some type. what to think of now. students in my classes seem strange this year. heck I seem a little strange this year. I've noticed that I have changed about the aspects of what my university has to offer. I can see why most people come to this school for, and guess what, not for the classes. I remember reading one year in a sociology class that the university can act as a marriage broker. I see this statement "seems" to be true now. is that why I came to this school, probably. I mean I could of stayed in my home town if I wanted just to go to college. would have been cheaper that way. also family had to do with it as well. older brother went here and got a bs in aerospace engineering. could this also explain my interest in the mathematics? and why do I seem to be self evaluating? should I just go with the flow and not worry about the future, past, or even the present? nah, I like to keep my ideas in sort "check. " now I'm remembering what my friend said about the Buddhist religion and one of the guidelines in it. it basically said that if you get rid of desire, you will feel no pain. kind of an interesting statement. because it shows a whole set of values that you could change, and this would make you happy. now thinking of what my evolutionary biology teach once said. purpose of life is to pass your genes onward, sense genes are immortal. these two statements seem to conflict with each other. that funny. now beginning to think about what time it is. 7:18, only 7 more minutes to go for this rant. well, guess I can explain what I plan to do tomorrow. going to cal class and spark up a conversation with a member of the opposite sex. reasoning being is for "help" on the homework, just needed though. I should just do it and get it over with. that approach never works for me, but never say never right. it should be very simple to do if I get there on time this time. getting a little hungry now, but I will finish this, only have 5 more minutes anyways. damn just remembered an embracing moment in Deutschkurs (German class) freaking had a voice crack, och. hate speaking in front of others, don't know why. draws people to look at me I guess, and I'm not comfortable with that. has to do with a self esteem problem. am working on fixing that by making myself get use to attention. don't know if that is the right thing to do, maybe might learn something about it in this class. (one reason why I took the class, and sure for some people as well ) noticed the brackets I have been putting all over this. seems like my consciousness is explaining something to me. that a interjoke. oh times up.