I am thinking right now, at this momest what Cullen is thinking. does he like me??  I wonder. I wonder if I am too short. I wonder if I am too fat. I wonder if my mom is Ok. she is always worrying about me and she thinks so highly of me. I don't want to let her down. My dad works so hard for the entire family. I sometimes think he looks so sad. I hope he isn't sad because o love him more than anything. I wonder if I will find true love?  Someone just like my father. A strong, hardwroking, Loving man who would do anything for his wife and kids. I am very annoyed right now at the sound of the vaccum. I feel sorry for the woman who is vaccuming. I hope she can not read this as she is standing behind me. I am very excited about the party tonight. I hope I can balance work play. I think I will be able to. I have never had a problem before. All the girls here are very nice. I was really scared to come here because I thought all girls that went here were snobs. But they are nice. I have matured greatly since I have been here. I can't believe I have a cclass at 3:30. That is such a nightmare. I would rather just get them all over with at once. I hope I picked the right sorority. I am glad I am not in Kappa with Katie. but then I wonder if I should be a Kappa. I think I just look more like a kappa then a theta. Oh well. I will be happy. Our pledge class is awesome. I am so excited about this scrapbbok we have to  make. It is so fun. I love being like a martha stewart. Is it bad that I just want to go to school to find a husband and j\have my 5 kids????  I hope I really don't have to work. It scares me. Everything was perfect before I left. now everything scares me because I am facing reality. I am living with a person I don't even know - to go to school here. I hope the future brings awesome things for me. I am worried because everyone says that there is a time in your life that will be grief. I have had the best life so far. I am scared that one day it will just hit m - poof - and I will just want to die. I hope my mom or my dad or my brothers don't die soon. I love them too much. I never show them that I do though. I probably have the worst relationship with my motehr, ever. we barely speak. I just go to her if I want money. I think that that is because she sees me as the most perfect creation, ever. so she never has yelled at me, or scolded me. but she yells at my brothers all the time. That is so unfair to them. I should not be treated better. My brothers are all dyslexic, including me, but that is not my e\excuse. It is my brothers excuse for everthing. My mom is always doing Luke's papers or assignments for him. That is so wrong. I work hard and study more because I am dyslexic. I deal with it. My brothers see it as a means to get out of doing work. The assume they are dumb, so they don't even try. they are satisfied with being dumb. That should not be the case. I really miss Bridget. she is my very best friend. I also miss Katey. my two best friends at tech. I think it is great how I did not follow them. I am a very dependent person, yet independent. I depend on my friends, yet I love to be alone to ponder and be by myself. Katey and Bridget are like my securities. Evn if I did notr have one friend here, I knew they, at leats bridget, will alwyas be there for me. I hope tonigth is fun. I feel really sorry for my suitemate. She tries so hard to meet boys but they just don't like her. She has had sex a lot. I am very pround of my virginity. I think it says a lot abput who I am and how important God and my morals are. I love the fact that I can just talk to God anytime - anywhere by myself. He knows all about me - and I know all about Him yet I have never seen him nor spoken to him. A true person is found in the dark. If you were to turn off all the lights everyone would probably like a totally different person they who they think they should like. It wouldn't matter is you were tall, small, fat, ugly, black or white, if the light were off. Only the insides of people would matter. Appearances say a lot aboiut people, but yet they don't. If a person was ugly, you probably wouldn't really care what they thought. Because we are all attrcated to people. Our frieds are people we think are attractive and so we only like people in which we think there is something pretty about them. well, my twenty minutes are up so I guess I have nothing more to say.