I finally got into this thing. that took forever. I hate asking questions so it took even longer. I think people are always thinking weird things about me, which I know is bad , but I always do. the good thing is that everyone I've come in contact here has been really helpful. I really cant wait for this weekend. the weeks are so long. I havent made any new friends here. I have a lot friends that  came with me from high school to UT and to other schools in San Antonio. I see them every weekend. Im being really antisocial right now. the thing is that the friends I have are really close to me, and they know everything there is to know about me, and vice versa. I spent the last two years of my life with them, it may not seem like a lot but it was two very important years of my life. I feel really comfortable around them. I m not good at  meeting people so I cant imagine being at  the same level of friendship with other people especially in college where everyone just does their own thing. so I look forward to every weekend. people around me probably think Im weird sitting here just typing continuously. Im sure, actually Im almost positive there are weirder people here. id really like to finish this already, but I just looked at the clock and I still have time left. Im going home, back to El Paso next Friday. its going to be strange. I never expected to go back so soon. I was with this girl for about 5 months before I left, and it was really serious. we talked about spending the rest of our lives together. she was supposed to move here, but she had issues and commitments that were obviously more important. She cane to visit last month for about 3 weeks before school started. we got in  a big fight and she left on really bad terms. it was my fault, but I couldnt have her leave on good terms or it would have hurt more. so I acted like a jerk and we fought the last week and a half she was here constantly. Anyway Im really afraid of running into her, because ill be there for a whole weekend and we hang out a t the same places. I think its really funny how a lot of people here think El Paso is so small. its as big as Austin, and no one knows it. ki heard someone say that they though it only had one high school. it actually has 30-40. oh well it rally doesnt matter, Im glad Im here now. I really like it,  I cant believe Im in college and actually grown up and that I actually have real responsibilities. but I very lonely. I miss her so much, and she wants to try the whole long distance relationship thing, but I cant. I really loved her. I've never been so close to anybody in my life, and after everything we shared and as close as we were, it seems like ill never experience that again with anybody. and if I do finally find someone and then we break up I have to go through this whole pain thing again. I know its normal to feel like this, I just moved away from a city I've lived in for 18 years and I just broke up with someone I was prepared to spend the rest of my life with, but its all a little overwhelming. the thing that bothers me the most is that all this takes up too many of my thoughts, and it takes away from what I really should be concentrating on. I really want  to do well here at UT, I have a lot to prove to a lot of people. Im sick of always having this sob story attached to my life. I went to an all boys private school that was small compared to other high school, my graduating class was about 150. everyone knew that I moved out of my house and how I had trouble with my mom, and everyone feel sorry for me, and Im sick of this whole drama thing, my life is so full of drama.  I went over by a few minutes I guess thats all