Ok so here I am at my computer lab and I am supposed to be typing about what is going on in my head. well nothing really, just waiting for the weekend to come and  what I am going to do . I have no idea on what I am going to do maybe Ill go  out with my roommate or my friends Kristen and tiffany, I don't know. I wish I could see Jason, I miss him so much, but he is coming down the weekend of his  birthday so Ill just wait. am I falling in love, oh well too late, I am already in love but I can't be cause Im here and he is there and I just can't do this to myself. but am I going to find somebody here. I don't want to throw myself on guys but I don't want to be just some face in the crowd. how can you meet people if  you just dont want to talk??  I dont know I dont care I do love Jason and I wish he would get his act together so my mom and dad will like him a lot more and we can have a serious relationship. It's been three years now and I can't stop  going back to him, do I just want the feeling of knowing that I have somebody or  what?  I have been a lot happier since we started talking. I don't know, I'm so  confused. I don't want to turn out like my sisters that married someone that is somewhat worthless and have no money for half of my life. I am better than that. I dont know. am I saying that too much. I am so glad that you are not reading  this because you would think I was a complete psycho. I hate English class, I ] hate to write. It sucks sooooo much. My hands are starting to hurt. I don't  practice Santeria, I ain't got no crystal ball. Well I had a million dollars but I spent it all if I could find that heina and that sancho that she found I pop a  cap in sancho and Id slap her down, well all I really want to know , I cant be and all I really want to say I cant define blah blah blah blah that I s one of my \favorite songs but I cant remember some of the words oh, well   I have a lot more time new song, Im on a one way street with a one night stand with a one track mind out in no man's land, the punishment sometime don't seem to fit the crime , yeah there's a hole in my soul but the one thing Ive learned for every love letter written is  another one burned now you tell me how it's going to be this time is it over, is it over cause I m blowing out the flame, take a walk outside your mind, tell me how it feels to be the one who turns the knife inside of me. ok new stuff lets talk about what I am going to do for Jasons birthday. I will hopefully get some goods from Jennifer and then get a hotel room and we can \smoke out in the hotel room and get really drunk and pass out but before we pass out we have to do some stuff. If I  had access to all the drugs in the world like so well where all I would have to do is have money and call one person, I would be the biggest addict in the world, well not the biggest but pretty close. I love doing drugs, I love getting drunk, I guess Im just curious about this , once I try it I might not like it but I have to at least try first, oh I think my  20 minutes are up in four mor3e minutes do you want to here me sing. Maybe this time  I'll be lucky Maybe this time he'll stay Maybe this time for the first time love will hurry away he will hold me fast Ill be home at last not a loser any more like the last time and the time before every body loves a winner so nobody love me lady peaceful, lady happy that's what I long to be well all the odds are, there in my favor  somethings bound to begin IT'S GONNNA HAPPEN, HAPPEN SOMETIME, MAYBE THIS TIME I'LL WIN!!!!!!!! CAUSE everybody oh they love a winner, so nobody love me lady peaceful, lady happy, that's what I long to be well all the odds are , there in my favor something's bound to begin IT'S GONNA HAPPEN, HAPPEN SOMETIME, MAYBE THIS TIME , MAYBE THIS TIME I'LL WIN!!!!!