ahs10/essays-big5 huggingface dataset:
It is late and I need to get so sleep but I trying to stay awake writing  this assignment. I am so glad I finish the English paper. I can now relax  for about two before he gives us another one. I hope I'll be able to wake  up tomorrow to go to class at nine in the morning. I hate English the most. Writing paper gives me a headache. What the hell is Quyen listening to. I glad I got a lot done today. I can't wait till next weekend comes back  around. Maybe next weekend I be able to relax and not have to work. Just ten  more minutes and I will be done. This writing assignment is stupid but I am  glad it is easy. It not so bad. My back hurts. I should take so Tylenol. Maybe it will help. Shit, I forgot I have a reading assignment in biology. After this, I am going to take a shower and climb straight to bed. Working and going to school is getting real tiring. I am hunger but I am also very  sleepy. There probably nothing in the fringe to eat anyway. That reminds  me I need to go to the store tomorrow. Maybe I'll get some real healthy  food this time. My eyes are dry. I need to take out my contacts. I think has been twenty minutes now so I'll stop here.
Ok rigt now Iam a little unsure of what exactly I should be writing. I am trying to concentrate on this assignment while my roomate is getting ready to leave. The only thing I can hear is the soungd of her opening drawers, people talking in the hall, and the refridgerator sound. Before i started writting this I just finished my last class of the week and now it is offically the weekend. Suddenly I feel the stress of the week almost evaporating from me. Even though I know the weekend will be packed and probably just as stressful it seems easier. Right now my room is very cold. After I finish this assignment I will be packing for a retreat and calling my parents to speak to them before I leave. The fact that I will be on Lake Travis all day tomarrow excites me. Austin is georgous and I can't wait to see the Lake. My roomate just left the room. She went to play racketball with her friends. My roomate and I get along very well and for that I am very grateful. It would be hard to live the whole year with someone you did not like. I actually like my whole hall I live in Jester East on the 9th floor. The girls in my hall are all fun and we seem to hang out with each other. Eww I hope Casey locked the door when she left because a stocker has been spotted on my floor. I've talked to a few girl who said they have had encounters with him. They said he knocked on their door and asked if he could hang out with them while he waites on his friend. There are pictures up on the walls of him everywhere saying to not approach him if they see him. Last night the police were outside of our dorm and I think it was because of him. My hand is starting to hurt. Yesterday I feel flat on my face and scraped up my hand. It was actually kind of funny. My friend and I were racing to get in line for OU tickets and i triped and slid to the ground with only my hands stopping my face from hitting it. Everyone standing in line saw me. Yesterday was also my brother's birthday. He turned 20! -which seems crazy to me. 20 seems so much older than 19. It's crazy how time flies so fast. I can remember when me and my brother were young and just played all day. I wish I could have seen him yesterday but I had class and he's at Southwest. Since were only 30 minutes away it seems like we've grown closer.
Today was a pretty calm day. Nothing outrageous happened. Right now I feel hungry, probably because the last time I ate was at 6:50 or so and I didn't have much. I tired this new stir fry stuff and some mashed potatoes. It was ok but I guess it was only filling for the time being. I almost forgot I had this assignment due tomorrow. I sprang out of bed as soon as I remembered. earlier my suite mates and I watched a movie at the union called Mean Girls. It was good and they showed it for free too so there were a lot of people there. They show a lot of movies at the union. The next dorm family event planned for us is to go and watch the movie Troy. My roommate's friend is going to make her and I watch the movie schindler's list sometime soon. He is a big movie fan and is going into the college of communication and he wants to be a director later on. He has already made a movie. He made it in high school and he went around and just videotaped the different events and people at school. My roommate said it was good. She just told me that her chemistry professor wrote the book they use in class. Its not just him but he has contributed to writing the book. He has his name on the cover of the book and everything. I'm going home to Houston next weekend to see my family and to attend this bayou bhangra competition that all my friends are going to. Its going to be really fun. I can't wait to see my baby sister she's just too cute for me. I love her and she's a miracle baby too especially because she serviced through my mom's accident and all the medication my mom had to take during her pregnancy. But I guess that's God's love and blessing and I am very thankful for everything he as done for me and my family but I don't know what to think of him after my aunt and uncle's freak accident and death. I don't understand why he sends us these extraordinary people and then just takes them away from us before its time for them to go. I don't know I suppose its just one of those things that happen and can't be explained. And I believe that things happen for a reason but I don't know how God can justify their death and all these things that have been happening to our entire family. Things haven't seem to be right ever since my grandmother passed away. Well that's all I can think of to write about and its time now too, how convenient. Bye
In this short amount of time I changed from a kid who major worries were only about him self. I feel that I have really grow up. I believe it was all the time that I got screwed over by my so called friends. The first time was a the first of my senior year. Well I meet this guy named Kurt and he was from Indian and we shared common interest. However he was new in town and did not have a girl friend. However I was dating this one girl for about year. Well This girl was very possessive, and very wealthy. Not to forget she was beautiful. During the summer I worked as a Life guard and taught swimming lesson in the mornings at her house(made tons of money) Any her family and her left for Europe and had me house sit. No problem making money had a garage full of tool to work on my cars and basically had my own house. I had not friends because they all graduated A year earlier and Cara had been my only friend this past year. Partially because she was so possessive. Well I meet Kurt at the end of the summer and became good friends. He was going to start school with us in the fall and everything was great. Until Cara got home and said not more Kurt. She did the same thing with an early friend Kc. However I finally told her either she relaxes or we break up Decision help by Kurt. So we broke up. So I was dating again. Before Cara I had a new girl friend every two days. Kurt and I were dating these two girl Casi and Lorine. Well Lorine and Kurt started dating and the only thing between Casi and I was a Physical thing so once I stop see her. Lorine influence Kurt in stop hanging out with me. Five months down the road I have and new group of friend they a grade younger than me. They have not had as much luck with the girls as I have so I am letting them meet some of my friends from out of town were a very tight group for about two months when one of the guy in the group named Justin thinks I am having a sexual relationship with a girl he likes. Because she has hickeys on her neck. That same week I had really bad scratch marks on my back not from her. Well he think something is going on and starts a fight with me at school and I break his nose in front of the entire school assembly. Later next week Kurt girlfriend and him break up. So the next day Kurt is at my house. We hang out not stop for about three weeks. Fishing hunting cruising for girl everything, well Lorine wants to get back with Kurt so she brings out this story from way back in the past. (lorine and I were dating a long time ago)  She said that I was inviting her over to my house. Well I was, to a party so she can see Kurt. But she tell I so Kurt gets mad at me and tries to fight me. At my own house during this party. Kurt is a very Muscular guy and very big!!!!. Well I talk it out after we both have black eyes and we have not been close since. Anyway I now dating this really nice sweet girl who is very intelligent and pretty. I just hope it stays as good as it is now.
Well, the twenty minutes start now. It feels strange having to write out what I am thinking. Seeing as how I've never had a diary or journal, I've never had to do this before. Funny how your mind draws a blank when you are supposed to be writing what you are thinking at that very instant. A whole minute has gone by and I can not think of anything to type. I guess that's kind of the purpose. don't think ahead for once, just let everything come out just as quickly as it comes in. all day long, my mind has been jumbled up with. well, stuff, and now I can't seem to remember what all the "stuff" was. Gosh, it's early and I'm already tired. It's not that today was stressful, just very hot and tiring. I can't wait until the weather finally cools off. I wish I could sleep in tomorrow. I wish I could go to sleep now. I hope what I actually write isn't important. After all, it's only a completion grade, right? I hope so. Sigh. Now that I'm thinking about it, this class kind of worries me, after 5 class days in here, I'm still not sure what to study or what to write down in my notes, the TA at the supplemental instructions class, I can't remember her name at the moment, says that we should pay attention to the book and the notes. But I think we wanted a more concise answer. My philosophy class is exactly the same. No body knows what to write in their notes, after all, all the notes we take are basically made up of questions. I'm a bit nervous about my first test in that class. And we are only going to have three, and that's counting the final. It has its good and bad points I guess. Double standard. Since I've started college, it seems like everything is a double standard. I don't live on campus that has its good and bad points. Umm, what else? Lots of things. hard to come with them right now. Dang, I still have to read for my writing class. ugh, that book is boring, I hope I don't fall asleep reading it again. More than likely I will seeing as how I'm sleepy right now. I think I should just read tomorrow while I'm on the shuttle to school. That'd be good. Oh, I can't. I have to get on the early bus tomorrow, it's going be too packed to be able to concentrate. Guess I have to read tonight. Oh well. Gosh, I'm tired. Wait. My mom always calls when I'm in the middle of something. Weird. Why did she need my schedule? I bet so she could call when she knows I'm not in class. I know this sounds bad, but I don't want to talk to her everyday. Every time she calls, she sounds like she's upset with me. I think she's mad because I left home. But it's not like I went out of the country, or out of state for that matter. I'm only 3 hours away, and I'm going home this weekend to visit anyway. She doesn't have reason to be upset with me. She's supposed to happy and proud. It was always hard to make her proud. Nothing ever seemed good enough for her. But not my dad, he's different. As long as I tried, my dad was always proud of me; I love him for that. Well, there goes my timer. 20 minutes is up. Thank you.
clear waters beckening - wow - this is not going to work - my mind is blank - or is it. - is it just blank because I have to write down what is going threw it. hmmmm its 20* degrees celcius right now. that does not even really matter, I prob. won't go outside unless I need to smoke a cigarette or something. spike tv. what kinda dumb sh** is this. this show sucks - why are they trying to advertise this show with some crazy exciting name like spike tv" - 20 minutes is a long time to be typing. I wonder if it matters how crude my thoughts are. better keep tha inappropriate thoughts out. is that possible. yeah. school takes up a lot of time - and I don't know if getting a degree will even matter, so what is the point. I should just stop typing right now, pack a bag, get in my car, and drive to mexico. I wonder what the point of that survey earlier was. where do all these "personal type surveys" going. is some little guy sitting behind a desk compiling information about me based on the questions I filled out about once a year since I was old enough to go to publicly funded schools. if there really is a guy that is comparing all my information right now - I wonder how much someone in that position would get paid. hahah - getting paid to make assumptions about a person out of a bunch of personal questions. I think that job would be pretty boring. I would have to get intoxicated or something before going to work everyday, that tedious paper work would drive me crazy. that is prob. why people go all postal and shoot people at work - cause they have to do tedious crap everyday that has no bearing. I hope nothing pushes me over the edge of insanity. that would suck. it might not be bad though - I imagine the government would provide a pretty comfortable living for someone who was "mentally handicapped". I bet a few people have thought they were insane and really been on the same wave as everybody else. its crazy to be alive and conscious. consciousness gets dull - nothing modern intoxicants can't handle though, in moderation. joe millionarie was a gay show I resent that guy. I think I'm going to go smoke a cigarette. I can't really think of what to say. I need a cigarette to calm me down. that is not even how you spell "cigarette" but spelling is not even that important. I mean - its like this - professors and anyone else in my life has ragged on me about spelling and grammar. but they know - and I know - that they knew what the meaning of the word I misspelled. that kinda shit pisses me off. need a smoke.
It's been a long day and my head and body are tired. I think that my classes are going well but I feel a little worrisome due to the fact that I have not had a grade taken in any of them. I see people in school and wonder what they are thinking, and wonder why so many people are afraid. They seem scared to talk or to smile or even look up while they are walking this huge campus. With so many people around and the diversity being so big I feel they are missing out and are short changing the rest of their school by not being social. Lately, work keeps awake at night. I always feel as if I have things to do but do feel like doing them. I get upset that my teachers make us read so much. They need to be more hands on to get my attention. Also it seems as if school is not that big of a deal to my friends it bothers me because I don't like school either but I still have to do it. I guess this is what college is all about. The few that do take it seriously are the people that end up doing the best, at least I hope. But what happens to all the people that don't take it seriously. You always hear about those individuals that struck it rich because they didn't follow the norm. I wonder if I'm one of those people. I know that either way I'm lazy so I don't think I'll find out. I miss laura, I think of her a lot and I see her image in a lot of faces. I see curly hair and I imagine her walking, or if I see her figure on a girl I look up to see the face but its' not her. I wish she was here for at least a second. just that one touch of her hand made things better. She always made me laugh and happy. I think I did the same for her, but I still wish she was here with me. love is weird. I think love is something that everybody has with one another and with some it's even stronger. And that strong love is what causes the weird stuff like marriage and so forth. But I wish people would only say love when they meant it. It's used so frequently that now it doesn't have the same affect as it used to. but oh well who really cares. I think laura was the one person who understood what love meant to me, her and my mom both knew. But everybody else thinks I'm weird. Why is a relationship bad to have even if it is long distance isn't that relationship better than not having one at all. I feel that if you really care distance can't stop what the heart feels even if you can't see, touch or hear them.
Well, what to write about? I just got done playing football, we won. I am glad that we won because I really hate to lose. In high school my team went 3 and 7, and that just drove me crazy. As our record got worse my teammates stopped trying, and that killed me inside. I don't know what to really write about, I don't really feel much right now. I guess that means that I am happy with myself. School is cool so far. It is a lot different from high school, because you can't really get to know your teachers and let them help you get through all of your stuff. It sucks that Texas lost. I can't believe that they wasted their season already. I just got back from seeing my sister. She is 8 months pregnant with her first baby. It is a little boy and they are going to call it Jason Jr. That is real cool, I really like little babies. I hope that when I have a baby(hopefully not for quite a while) that it is not too fat. That is one of my biggest fears, having fat kids. I guess because I can remember the hell that I put the fat kids through when I was little. I also wish that I could type faster. I have been sitting here for fifteen minutes already and I only have a quarter of a page done. If I was to double space it I guess I would have half a page, but I haven't yet. I wonder if you want it double spaced. I guess I will go ahead and double space it for you. Well that's twenty minutes so I will finish this line and then go take a shower.
As I write this paper I am still filled with the stress, but know gets much worse. I have been hired for a job, and I am still pondering if it is possible to handle both a job and school. I guess you can call it greed about money, but I need it to stay here. I am also thinking that this to easy. College is supposed to be hard, and yet my hardest class is my Microeconomics. With all this stress I still have the one thought in my head. What if I was not born?  Would it be less stressful?  This is not a suicide letter, but the thought of me not being born always enters my mind. Is life nothing but work and school, or is it much more. I do not know I guess I am always thinking about the negative aspects of life. The world is not like peaches and cream. Tonight is a busy night. I have to do my laundry, and do some reading. I guess I am psyching myself out. And yet I am alone in a city that is surrounded by my burden. I do not know what the point of writing this. I guess I need the grade, but even then I wish why I can not be truly happy about my life. To think that some where around the world somebody is happy, and it makes me sick to think about that. Life is not fun and games it is a weary journey that must be gone through, but I can't rest my feet until I am done and gone.
My thoughts are everywhere right now I am thinking about getting my computer fixed because it has a virus. I need to sleep that is the biggest change for me in college is the late nights and busy days I am used to busy days from high school but not the late nights. It is strange but interesting and fun being semi independent I have another late night tonight that I am not quite ready for but it is my pledge line for KA which will be another consumer of much of my time but it should be very fun once pledgeship is finshed I am looking forward to getting to meet and become close with my pledge brothers because being from a smaller town I don't know as many people as a lot of folks down here but I didn't want go to school with all my old high school friends  really because I wanted to meet new people I do miss my best friedn though he is somebody I could always talk to trip out with and just we knew what we are thinking without having to say anything it is strange not having a best friend down here right now and its tough because it takes lots of time and lots of escapades and wild nights bad times good times high school sports all those things made us great friends and now I have to try and make some more friends like that here in austin my roommate  just left and I am still trying to make my decision about that situation he is an alright guy but he is not really the type of person I see myself spending lots of time with but I am sure I will being roommates and joinin the same fraternity but I always look at it as it could be a lot lot worse. lost my train of thought sorry I'm having trouble focusing today I feel very out of it but I've got class in a while so I won't be able to take a nap I think I am getting sick and rundown hopefully I can shake this little congestion I have but with all the new stress in life these days I don't know how well that will work out I'm not feeling to great at all sometimes I wonder if UT is the right place for me and that is just a backand forth thought cause some days it is and some times when its a bad day I wish I was back home in my own bed with dog I miss her haha that sounds so cheesy haha but she is a good dog and she always will cheer you up I can hold a thought today it seems like I feel like I am being random but some how I feel like I keep saying the same things I am not looking forward to walking to class I don't like that very much and I get to search for the computer shop to drop my laptop off to get this virus taken care of that is a pain I feel like I havent met enough people yet I want to be more outgoing but I am naturally more of a quiet person I enjoy listening and watching other peoples behaviors and stuff I like to feel people out and get a sense of who they are before I just start relaxing around them I try to be assertive and approachable and outgoing but that doesn't always go so well and people take my quietness in the wrong way it is often seen as me being stuck up angry rude and that drives me crazy but all I can do is be who I am