well i am not exactly sure what i should be writing about but i guess it have no choice. i am noticing that my room is overly cluttered, that the tv is on and that my neighbors dog is barking i feel kind of warm althought that isnt totally weird i usaully am warm in this place. i have to be at work by 530 and i hope i can make it. i don't really like working there anymore because it is usually very stressfull, all the snobby rich people and the terrible managment, no my foot hurts probably because i have been placing my weight under it, tomorrow i don't have to work so i guess i can work out, i do like to work out its more the act of dealing with all the people in my way that i don't like. i don't like waiting. i hate when someone is just sitting on a machine or talking and isnt doing anything wastes my time. i also don't like it much when people talk to me in the gym, takes me away from what i am there to do. the semester has just started and i already feel a little pressure from all the upcoming events, the reading , the studying, the homework. sometimes i wonder why i am here, i start to think that maybe i am wasting my time when i have no idea what i am doing with my career, should i have known before i got to college?  i don't think so, thats what its all about, learning about yourself, finding out who you really are. wow only 4 minutes have gone by. this is going to be a long assignment, i wonder how long eveyone elses assignments were. i am sure they were longer, seems like i never write enough or my writing is too vague. however last semester in government i did very well in my writing assingments. i tend to do better in the analytical process then i do in the creative process or at least thats how it seems to me, however some times i do have a very clever idea or unique way of looking at a porblem that enables me to break through. it usually invloves some one telling me i can't do something. that usually kicks my brain into over drive, i usually never tell myself i can't do it, just that i havent figured out how to yet. that makes it easier for me to look at that problem. this may sound retarted but when i was in highschool and my parents started locking the liqour cabinet, i remember looking at it and thinking wow  how am i going to get around that. i don't see a problem as a barrier, but a wall to climb, so i took out the drawer on the top of the cabinet and reached my hand inside and pulled out whatever i needed, it sounds terrible but it was a very good solution to the problem of how to get the tequila out of the locked cabinet. sometimes i wonder what i would be able to do with harder real problems. i like thinking that i can defy others imagination, makes me feel like i am a little more clever than they have imagained. i always enjoyed upsetting peoples ideas of myself. or breaking stereotypes but putting my self into a place to be judged in that given stereotype, like when i shaved my head, i am in no way a skin head and i adopt none of their ideals or beliefs but i enjoy seeing the look of surprise on someones face when i can have a complex conversation on engineering concepts or hamurabi, or some eastern philosophy. its the initial look of dawning comprehension that i live for. like when i hide things from some one i want them to figure out where it is, just so i can see that burst of intelligence into their thought process that enlightens them to the location of their shoe, or where there keys are. even better then that is to have them have that dawning but then when they reach for their shoe it isnt their shoe, the sudden seize of thought is also as rewarding. or seeing if you can predict some ones actions but predict two steps forward so that when they realize you have predicted their action and begin to change you have predicted their realization of you predicting. the one thing i love of about the human body is its ability to change, to become something different then what it start out as, but in the end we are all the same, nothing more than complex organic molecules and one could argue that we really arent that complex just resilient. i want to make the human machine better, smarter, faster, stronger, but is it possible to perfect millions of years of constant evolution?  who knows, maybe the next step will be to fuse mental ability with a better creature, something that man creates in his own image, we could build on the millions of years it took humans to become what we are. and in turn we could make the next level of human evolution, but this might threaten the entire order of things, we would no longer be the top of the food chain. and these altered beings would they be good  or would they use their abilites for selfish purposes. i think that if i was some how better than everyone else then i would use my abilities for good, but isnt that asking alot of some one?  what if they want to be self serving, just because they have these incredible gifts should they be forced to serve. Tis better to rule in hell then to serve in heaven. what would the world be like if everyone only looked out for themselves, we wouldnt have any firemean any policemen, no one would help others, or at least not without some sort of compensation. i enjoy doing something for someone when i don't expect to recieve anything in return, makes you feel better about yourself, and if they do give you something then it makes you feel 100% better then before, its not what you do  but who you do it for i would rather do something great for someone else then to do something great for myself