i really want to lose weight, i want rob to look at me and want me. i wonder if he does?  he says he does, but i wonder if he really does because when i want to be with him, he acts like hes got to do homework, or actually im not really that i don't know. he doesnt put me first i guess. id skip out on my homework to be with him. but i guess since hes a freshman, he doesnt know any better. however i am a junior, so he has to want me. this is a hard assignment because right now my mind is not wondering off of rob. i think about him quite often. hehe. . i wonder if he knows that. his hair. i love his hair. . his body, damn. junior boys do not have bodies like his. . whoa. . i have to take of my bracelets they are annoying me. i can't wait til im 21. i wish i could be laying out right now, but the pool is closed on mondays. i really want my hair to grow out. i have been growing it out for hmm. . . lets see. . years? no matter damnt. i have been trying to get it to get longer for so long, and it doesnt seem to be happening. its not like i cut it to my shoulders and then am like, okay, now im going to grow it out. its been this length for a while now. i need to relax. i have all this tensions in my arms and hands and its annoying me. i wonder if its cause im typing or if its just because im like that. i wish i had a dog here at school. i want a pet so bad, but not all the times. i wish i could have a pet when i want one, and then when i don't want to clean up the shit, it just disappears. i wonder if something else will happen soon with the terrorists. i wonder if the whole a-bomb thing is going to happen with sadam h. damnit, i guess im ready to die, but not really. i am just now getting into the swing of things of life. i am happy living alone, and i just want to do well in school. before all i cared about was my social life, but i suppose its obvious i don't care anymore about that because i have a thing for a freshman. i hate boys but i love them. i know i can get whomever i want for the most part, but everytime i let myself be all how i would like to be, i lose them. i wonder if i have done something wrong with the boy. i bet hes wondering if im crazy because im a junior. he always asks why im with him, or why i would even talk to him or hangout or whatever. but that was before. now its been a month and perhaps hes not interested anymore. oh why in the hell do i care?  there are so many guys out there. i am so boy crazy. i wonder if i am normal. maybe its because im a scorpio. i didnt believe in all that shinnanigans before, but i recently read something that said scorpios are more horny or more into relationships or the opposite sex or something. that is very true in my case. what you going to dooo. i go crazy on you. i go craaazzyy on youuu. . i love music. i wish i could write better poems so i could write songs. oh man now i have to pee. . i wonder what i did that turned him off. we used to be best friends. . i wonder if he thinks of me. probably, obviously not as much as i think about him otherwise he wouldnt have let things go to shit like he did. i hate MIS. i hate homework. i wish they could just plug into your brain something, like a computer, like a little chip, so that learning or anything would be effortless because the chip would offer all the knowledge we need on a certain subject. like if you wanted to be a doctor, you just get a surgeon chip installed, etc. i want to be an actress. it better happen. i wish my parents could be happy. they don't seem very happy. i love to laugh. i don't wnat to get old. self control, self control. i wonder what is going to happen to me. what constitutes a slut?  i know im not, i just kiss lots of boys, youre a slut if you sleep with all of them, and i don't do that. . . i hope i don't do that when im older. cause once you get started, its hard to stop. i wonder if shes doing coke?  id hate to be her. shes so insecure and so untrusting, i don't trust anyone, but she really doenst trust anyone. id hate to be bipolar. gosh, i feel so bad, but i wish i could shake her and be like, snap out of it!!!  quit it!  stop!  im getting hungry and i told myself i need to eat less, however, damnit, i would love to have some jalepano cheese rightnowww. . . yuummm. . i can't believe shes gettting married because shes pregnant. that sux. i would never do that. . well i can't say never because i have said id never do a lot of things that i do. i hate that. it makes me think i have no control overmyself whatsoever. i need to order some more zit medicine. 33, 34. . . i want to make a lot of money.