okay. here's the thing. I'm not writing this on my word processor but I do want it to be a stream of consciousness so I'm not going to worry about punctuation, spelling, or capitalization. so here goes. I'm not even exactly sure what to write about but I'll just go with something. Ummm last night I went out and had a kind of interesting night I went over to my old friend carlo's house where he was having a party although me and my friend laura prefer to think of it as lar's house because carlo has been hating us for some while. actually not for some while, ever since he went to England. so I went last night because I really wanted to tell him not to hate me anymore and we talked for awhile about what was wrong, basically he says he feels like he has tried so hard with me and I always put him on the bottom of my list and now I'm off in boyfriend land and don't even care to make time for him. which sucks because I seem to get that from a lot of people and I think that I really make excuses about it to myself because it seems to me that everyone has just assumed that boyfriend land whatever that is is where I want to be so they just kind of cut me off without even asking me what I really want or feel. so then I kind of go off to boyfriend land because I feel like he's the only one who ever wants to hang out with me anymore even though it sucks when he is the only one I am hanging out with anymore because too much time with any one person really sucks. it also sucks when I go to a party and people are always asking me, "where's your boyfriend?" like I'm not allowed to go out without my boyfriend or we are weird because we don't always want to go to parties together but I'm glad that eric wasn't there last night because I don't think that carlo would've talked to me about all the stuff that he did. also eric says that he doesn't even like going to parties with me anymore because I'm such a damn flirt. which I guess I am but I don't really think that I am whenever he's around. if that makes it any better. I wonder where jamie is right now. that is one of those things she probably told me so I probably should know. I feel like I'm writing in a diary right now and that is very weird for me since I haven't written in a diary since oh maybe middle school and even then it was just retarded writing saying things like oh my god! I danced with dj at a the dance! or more often someone in my group of friends is fighting because it seems that is all we ever did. I wonder if that was the group that I hung out with back then or if it was just our age and immaturity. oh well. anyway back to jamie. where is she? I don't know but I sure wish that I was working with her tonight the night goes by so much faster whenever she is there I swear. maybe it is because I'm antisocial I don't know. what sucks is that we got tickets to go see kenny chesney (the hottest country singer ever! as long as he keeps his hat on though he's kind of bald and if he wears his little black shirt because that is always a plus too) anyway we got tickets to see kenny chesney and now because of her stupid sorority that she doesn't even like or want to be in but has to stay in because she lives in the damn house she can't go. which pisses me off. I don't even want to go if she's not going annoying but I really do because it is after all kenny chesney I just don't really want to go with the people that we bought tickets with because I don't really know them even though we work with them. I don't really know oh well my time is up and I've got to go call laura anyway. you know I thought that I would be able to type a whole lot more than this in twenty minutes. oh well.