ahs10/essays-big5 huggingface dataset:
Well today I went with my friend Kai to his Texas Crew orientation. He tried to get me to join, but I just don't think that Crew would be the sport for me. I prefer to play volleyball above all other sports. Just this past week, I signed up for the volleyball teams here at UT. I would really enjoy to play for the school, or at least on a team, competing with others. I used to play volleyball every weekend with my family back in Houston, I guess that's why I like it so much. I miss being around my family, but I know that they are proud of me for being here at UT. I wanted to go back this weekend, since it's a 3 day weekend, unfortunately, I am a little behind in my classes, so I wanted to take advantage of this time to  catch up and maybe get ahead a little. The reason which I am behind in my classes, which is so unlike me, is probably because I am having trouble reading and concentrating at the same time. I believe that this is happening because of the long summer. Well just now my ex-boyfriend instant-messaged me, which for some reason I have been avoiding. I guess because I don't want anything to do with him, I don't even consider him a good friend. Just now, my friend whom which I met through Hang Out, a gay organization here on campus, instant-messaged me asking me to go out. He has been taking me out, to places I wouldn't even think of going, since I arrived here at UT. Now him I do consider him a good friend. He is a really good guy, really fun to be around with. I don't know if I am starting to develop feelings for him, which would not be a good thing at all since he is about to leave the school. I spent last night at his house, just hanging out, talking about whatever came to our minds, and fell asleep on his bed. Nothing happened, but for some reason, I sort of wanted something to. I believe that I wanted something to happen because I have been feeling very lonely these past few days, maybe because of I need a boyfriend, or the whole owing the bank money and not having any to give, or not going home for the weekend. Or maybe I just genuinely like him. Well I guess we will soon find out because my scholarship check arrived at my house in Houston 2 days ago, and my mom is going to mail it to me, and if all goes as planned, I will be able to keep the money for myself, if financial aid allows me to. So I will use that money to pay off my bank bill. And today, my mom called, and I felt like I was there even though we are 3 hours away, which took away my wanting to go there for this weekend. Right now, I don't want a boyfriend for various reasons. One, I have decided to put off sex until I get tested for HIV. I don't have suspicions that I may have it, but I have had unprotected sex, and so I just want to be sure. Second, I need to stay focused on my school work, and having a boyfriend may distract me. Third, I just don't know if I can handle going through what I went through with my ex all over again. Not that it would necessarily happen again, but I just don't want to take the risk. Or maybe I should just be brave and take a risk. I need to do a lot of soul searching to come up with my decision.
Right now I fell very discouraged about all this college business. Everything is going wrong. My computer keeps screwing up and I don't know how the hell to fix it. I want to go home where I know where things are. I wouldn't have a computer problem if I were home. I have barely any friends here and nothing ever to do but to watch TV even though there is never anything good on. I miss my girlfriend, I wish I was home. I'm sick, my throat hurts, I feel trapped, I have too much crap to know what to do with and there's no room for it. I hate college right now. I don't see why people like it or why they keep going. I think I made a mistake by coming here, nothing is going right. I can't even eat when I want, I have to wait until a certain time or walk 2 miles. I'm tired and need to study but really don't want to. Why am I the one who is always getting screwed over? I want to throw my brand new 2700 dollar computer out the window because it's a piece of crap. I'm not even sure I should be at college. I'm incredibly stupid, I don't see how I got accepted here. I have the worst memory in the world which should help me out a whole lot here. I'm hungry but oops, there's nowhere to get food. I feel like crying all day for so many reasons. I wish I could be happy like everyone else. I'm tired and am going to bed.
I am really enjoying myself to a certain point here at UT. I already am homesick and miss my friends and family. I am having a tough time adjusting to life around here. I just got out of Biology class where my teacher barely speaks English. I know I don't like that class, and really dislike the teacher's methods of teaching. I just know I am really going to have to be on my toes in that class. I am meeting new people here which I hardly ever did back home. I still need to make more friends. I already have feelings of loneliness just because I don't have the support here that I do in Dallas. I hope that changes soon. My time at UT may change from four years to one semester if things do not start to look up. Everyone keeps telling me to stick it out and do my best, but I am not even sure I want to be here. Austin is nice, I know that. However, since I don't know anyone, Dallas is better to me. I know my way around there and have a car and know what things I can do around there as far as entertainment. It's a rough adjustment that I will have to deal with, either now or later. That is the only thing keeping me here. I did meet a girl down here that I knew back home but have no idea what to think about that at the moment. I'd like to think that means something, at least meeting her was a big step in branching out, I guess. I dislike my roommate. He spends every minute of life on his computer. He was up last night until 2:00AM while I am trying to sleep. Jester rooms stay pretty lit with one light on so it was hard to sleep. The guy is just hard to live with, yet he never talks unless I talk to him. His friends call the room all the time, including up to 1:00AM, and stop by the room at again 1:00AM. It ticks me off but what am I going to do? I talked to one of my friends back home last night. He has decided to go back to high school and try to finish. He should have graduated last year but dropped out twice in the same year. He has ruined his life with drugs, but at least he is trying to restart. Man twenty minutes is a long time to write As far as my classes go for college, I know I hate Biology. That is definitely my worst subject. I really don't know what to think about psychology. My grades were not that good in high school in psych but I still remember a little of what I was taught. Mythology looks like it could be fun but I have only been to class twice. I have my teaching class tonight so I'll see how that goes. As far as I know, there are few guys in the class. That could be good or bad. Well that's the end of twenty minutes so I'll see how the rest of this class is before I decide if I like it. I do like the writing assignments so far. Hopefully, that will continue.
I had just returned from other interesting dinner experience at my frat house when I realized that I was just wasting time as usual. So I decided I'd turn on the old computer and do a little stream of consciousness writing. I'm sitting down at my knew desk, that to tell you the truth, has done me no good except for a good place to put my computer. My roommate, an old friend I've know throughout my life is out doing his fraternity B. S. and probably won't be back until twelve. This I really do think is funny because coming into school I was completely busy from day one, while he just sat on his beanbag chair and watched t. v. To tell you the truth all I really care about any more is the amount of time I get to spend sitting in my beanbag chair watching t. v. Although it's not really as fun as it may seem, because while sitting in the beanbag chair the only thing on your mind is when you're going to have to get up and go do stuff. I realized today in class that when one begins to get about half the amount of sleep that he used to get it does become a little bit irritating and depressing. All I can think about is when I can rest may days have turned from full productive days with good night sleeps over the summer to half ass, sit around and make up excuse my I shouldn't leave the room so I can get some sleep worthless days. I'm pretty sure that last sentence made absolutely no sense, so on that last thought I think  I'm going to leave the room for the umpteenth time today and go do things that I really wish I could accomplish by getting into bed and closing my eyes.
I am very attached to her and am having trouble dealing with her not being with me 24/7. We have dated for almost a year and a half and I don't want to date other people, yet I need someone that is physically with me that I can become close to. I call her all the time and it seemed that nothing has changed in our relationship after being with each other this weekend, yet at the same time as much as I want to see her as much as possible, I have so much trouble saying goodbye to her and letting her go that I sometimes think that it is not worth even seeing her. I knew long distance relationships would be hard, but I didn't realize how tough it would be mentally as opposed to physically grueling. We both don't want to date, yet we will have to get used to the fact of not being able to see each other but 1 or 2 times a month for the next 4 years. I am confused and I was told in the first place not to get myself in this position of having a long distance relationship, but we started dating the summer before senior year and I didn't know it would last this long at the time. On one hand I wish I never met her so everything would be easier, but on the same token she is the person closest to me and besides being my girlfriend, she is my best friend. I know if it was meant to be, then it will work out, but for now I don't know what to do.
Twenty minutes seems like a long time. It amazes me how weird time is. Like when you're sitting in a plane waiting to get off and it seems like hours, but it's only minutes. I spend alot of time on planes. My dad is a pilot. I fly free. I don't know what I will do after college, because then I don't fly free anymore. I won't be able to go anywhere whenever. My roommate is in the shower. She has a sorority thing tonight. I'm not in a sorority. I'm glad, it's not the place for me. A guy died in my hometown last weekend. I t was strange, because my roommate had just commented on deaths happening in threes, and Mother Theresa and Princess Diana had just died. I didn't know the guy at all, but still, that could have been anyone. I think about that a lot. Death. Like what if someone died that I knew, but I had never told them what they mean to me. That's selfish, I know, but that's what we are, we're selfish. We as in humans. A friend of mine in my psych class knew the guy who died. I like country music, but most people don't. I just started liking it last year, because my boyfriend at the time got me hooked on it. My back hurts. I like to rub people's backs. I wish someone was here to rub mine. Tonight I'll be alone in the dorm. I like that sometimes everyone just gets on your nerves. My roommate and I knew each other in high school. We have gotten along amazingly well so far. Knock on wood. I have never been in a car accident, when I was driving. My brother messed up his knee in a car accident. I like this song. He had to have his ACL ligament redone. He can be such a baby. I think men have an amazingly low pain tolerance. I really think that they just aren't as well equipped for pain. That's just a personal opinion. I give lots of personal opinions. People tell me I'm opinionated. I don't like people who can't discuss their opinions and thoughts. It's important to be able to communicate. I'm a speech major. My undergrad advisor is great. I met him at orientation, and I love him. He tells you exactly what he thinks and that is so important. I don't like this song. It's one of those depressing love songs that is so typical of country. I wonder if I'll get married. I think I want to, but not kids. I do not want kids. That's another one of my opinions. How can we bring a child into this world?  So then people ask me if  I wish I hadn't been born. Two completely different concepts. Anyway, I'm gonna call my Aunt Holly. She is like a second mother to me. I live my mother. She really is my lifeline. That's a scary thought, like could I survive without her?  Of course, she raised my to be a survivor. I love basketball. My mom and I watch games together all the time. The Rockets are my favorite team. I also like Dennis Rodman. But I hat e the bulls. Rodman always says what he is thinking. Some people think he's a little tooo crazy, but I love it. H breaks the mold. That's commendable in my book. I miss my cousins. One of them is a big basketball fan. He and I always talk basketball. I'm almost done, twenty minutes did not take as long as I thought it would. I really like this song. I'm finished!!
I am so excited that I get to see my family this weekend. I never thought I would feel so home sick at college. I love my mother so much she has been through hell and back and still remains such a wonderful Christian mother. If I am half the mother she is to me when I have children I know I will be doing a great job. I am also really nervous about this presentation I have to do on Monday for my Media Studies class. Not only do I not know what to write about but I don't know how to prepare for it. Of course I got there late for my discussion group  so I got the bottom of the barrell when signing up for a presentation topic and the only one left was for Monday. But that is so my luck. It makes me think that if I am nervous about giving this in front of my discussion group of maybe twenty people how am I going to make it in the communications field which is what I am majoring in at this point. I really want to work for MTV. I know many people must think of this as a childish fantasy, but it is really something I am serious about and want to persue. I just love everything about music. The artists there story, the songs story, and how they make people fell. I can't wait till I am done typing this because then I get to go play Crainum with my roomate and a couple of our friends from back home. I am such a competitive person which to me is a good thing because it makes me have more determination then most people. I am watching Will and Grace and they are talking about having a baby. Gosh I can't wait till that day. I think I must have orange cones around me though and a flashing message that tells guys don't talk to her!  I swear they avoid me at all costs. What the heck is wrong with me. I think I might be a little intimidating because I don't play the role of a dumb girl who needs a guy to take care of her. Which I think I got that from my mother. She is a single mom, my father died when I was ten, who is a teacher and had to raise three children all by herself. She didn't need help from anyone and she never threw in the towel when times got hard. For that I respect and love her very much. God has blessed me with the best family I could have ever imaged. Not only my imidate family but everyone from my grandparents to aunts and uncles to cousins. All of them have played such an important part of my life and have thought me so much that I just want to go and hug all of them and say thanks for loving me it has given such strength. My grandparents are so great because they can always make me feel like a million bucks even when I am at my lowest. I think it is important to surround yourself with a close knit family. I don't know what I would do without mine. I am so glad I have my roomate and friends from back home here at UT. I probably won't have latest this long without them and there company. They all have such interesting stories that I had never know about them before. Most of my school went to Texas a and m which is exactly like my hometown. We all just needed something different and a place with a good sports team
I've decided that I want to write for travel and leisure magazine. I love to write. I think I am pretty good at it too. My brother went back to Houston to interview for a job with a real estate agency. He want s to be a commercial realtor. No matter what my brother decides to do he will be really successful. I'm not saying that I am a psychic or anything like that, but I know how badly my brother wants to be successful, and when he wants something, he goes out and gets it. Brian and I have become much closer as I have gotten older. He is being so nice to me since I got to Austin too. I think he is realizing that I am not such a bad kid after all. He always tells me to be careful and look out for myself because he won't always be in Austin to take care of me. My brother and my dad look a lot alike too. my dad is really tall: Six feet seven inches tall to be exact. H played basketball in high school, but he wasn't good enough to play in college. I think that is why he always pushed my brother to play so much that he drove Brian away from the sport. I played field hockey in high school. If I didn't come to The University of Texas, I was going to try to play field hockey at a division one school. I'm really happy with the decision I made though. I am having so much fun here. I really miss my family, or, I guess you could say, lack thereof, in Houston. I miss my mom and my step-dad, and my dad. My brother told me that he was so much happier when he moved to Austin. I could tell too because he didn't come home very much his freshman year. I don't think my brother likes my mom very much because whenever he comes home, they fight. I think my brother is still bothered by the divorce. I never gave myself a chance to be bothered, so I think now that I am away from home and I have all of this time to think, the divorce is starting to bother me. I wonder what parent's weekend is going to be like. I guess I'll ask my brother what he did when both of our parent's showed up ready and willing to steal him from the other parent. I will just divide up the weekend: one parent gets me one night, and the other parent will get me the next night. What is sad, is that I want to get them the whole weekend: both parents on both nights. I hate it when my friends' parents are around because it makes me think of how I can't have my real family back together ever again. By the way, I have a terrible habit of feeling sorry for myself. Things could be so much worse. I feel really lucky to be able to attend college, live where I live, have both parents who love me, be blessed with so much athletic ability. I know I am lucky, but every now and again I like to play the victim. My boyfriend is the best friend I could ever have. He always wants me to feel like I can talk to him, but he never lets me make excuses for myself if you know what I mean. He always reminds me that everyone has their hardships, but those who choose to overcome their hardships instead of letting their hardships overcome them, those are the ones who end up being happy. Twenty minutes is up!
My first reaction to this assignment was to just write that I felt nothing and perhaps continue writing that for 20 minutes; however, I am interested in where this is going. Right now my boyfriend is poking me as he displays how I can touch-type and he cannot. The other day, we went to go and buy fish. We drove around Austin I don't know how many times just looking for pet stores. We drove to Highlands Mall, Lakeline Mall, Petsmart, and Petco. I finally, after searching and carefully chosing, found fish that were supposed. It really upset me that out of the 4 fish that I bought, none of them adapted well in the fish tank environment I previously had. The sole fish that I possessed in that tank ate all of the food I would drop into the tank continuously. It really began to bother me when I saw him nipping at the other fish's tails. So, I took matters into my own hands and separated him from my new, smaller fish. I understand that these unpleasant changes were my own fault. I knew that I was supposed to introduce the new fish into that environment slower and in a certain, specific procedure. Well, I finally figured out that things wouldn't work out between my old fish and the new fish, so I eliminated the problem by flushing the big fish. I am really suprised that I did this because I am such a humanitarian. For example, whenever my other fish would die, I would get other people to remove them from the tank because I couldn't deal with the dead fish. I always felt as though they were looking at me. There is one instance where I did flush other live fish, but once again, it was for the good of the aquarium. I don't know, I think I have always had such a problem with death. It scares me, but it doesn't. For example, I used to work at a hospital in San Antonio, when I was a junior in high school. This is where I had my first real encounter with death. I never had to experience death in my family, in friends, or aquaintences. However, since then I have had to deal with it several times. I guess I take that back, I have had to deal with death one time before, but it was in eighth grade. I can't remember all the minute details of it, but it really brought me and one of my friends together. Anyhow, this hospital death experience really opened my eyes to the whole death scenario. And I know this sounds corney, but every single time I have had to deal with death since then, I have seen a little yellow butterfly. This spiritual experience has consistently happened to me on about 5 or 6 occasions. Well, my 20 minutes is up.
well t. Today is Monday and this has been a really shitty day. This is my 5th time to turn in this assignment. Right now I am at my boyfriends house b/c my computer was as getting interrupted by the phone ringing. I did not know how to turn off the call waiting. So every time that I was going to turn in the assignment the phone would ring and I would have to start over. Well let's see I am from midland and I come from a family of 7. there are 3 boys and 2 girls. There names are Carla(25), Ian(23), Tony(20), Tina(me)(19), and then there is  jimbo (18  Carla and Ian are my half brother and sister. There last name is Umlauf, there grandfather is Charles Umlauf a sculpturist who passed way not too long ago. Ian and Carla are both graduating in December. Ian is majoring in art, and Carla in Sociology. Carla is also getting married in May. Tony is the majoring in engineering. He is so sweet!  Then there is me, a sophomore here at U. T. majoring in Elementary Education. My little brother is Jimbo, he is going to school in Florida in St. Augustine. He is playing baseball at Flagler University. I hope he does well. So all 5 of us are in college right now. Carla Ian Tony and me all go to school here at the university of Texas, and Jimbo in Florida. I have two roommates, they are cousins to each other. I lived with them last year at the dorm. Things are going okay I guess. They can get really annoying sometimes. I am glad that I have my own room so I don't always have to listen to them. Because they are cousins they tell each other anything. I mean that they will fight about anything. They will say things to each other that you normally would not say to a roommate, like you are being a bitch or that looks like shit on you. I don't know I just don't like listening to them all the time. They share a room and I have my own, thank god!  I hope things will start settling down!