of course maybe today is a good day because I am feeling such a flood of emotions at the moment. and this will probably be a good release, you know? I don't know I have been kind of down lately. maybe it is this new university environment. I'm having difficulty adjusting I guess. it's all kind of overwhelming. too many things at once. I really wanted to call mauricio and talk about what happened in Mexico. stuff that shouldn't have happened between us, but it did nonetheless and it really shouldn't have but I am also kind of glad in a way that it did. but instead of calling him like I wanted too I called randy. I hadn't talked to him for three weeks I guess. I want to talk to him about what happened in Mexico also, but I can't. I just can't. it would just cause more unneeded problems I am afraid. so I called him, he was a bad mood as usual lately. I had already been feeling poorly lately and talking to him while he was in that mood wasn't such a good idea it's just that he is one of my best friends and I want to know what is going on in his life. I realize he is having a hard time right now, but he I don't know. I just wish he was more excited to talk to me or something. instead he just upsets me more, and that on top of everything else just makes me cry. crying is a good release though. but I didn't want to. so being like that I wanted to call mauricio even more and sort out some things with him so that would be one less overwhelming thing to deal with right now, but I agree with Andrea and think I should wait for him to call me. but I don't know if I am going to be able to. but I will try. I called my step-mom instead. she immediately knew something was wrong with me. I really miss my mom. Venezuela, my friends, the life I had there. it was so great looking back on it. but I don't want to think that the best years of my life have already passed, I want to think that future holds so much, that I have so much to look forward to. I believe I do I just need to get past this emotional slump I have been in. but it is kind of difficult. I really miss mauricio. I wish he were here in Austin. I feel like right now he is the one I should talk to about everything. I wish I knew how he felt, I just wish he would call me. Christi, thinks I should go and buy a new telephone cable among doing other things. she thinks that if I had regular internet access I would be a whole lot happier. it's not that I not happy. I don't want to be a depressed person, I want to be a happy responsible in-control person. not a sad depressed one that no one want s to be around. I don't think I am usually. I just am in a bad situation lately I guess. I am letting too many things get to me and drag me down. I need to focus on what is important and do one thing at a time. and not get so overwhelmed. I think going home next weekend will be a good break for me as well. I didn't think that I would miss it so much, but I do. a lot actually. I just want to feel my normal comfort level. to know what is going on, although I do not want to be in high school. I just want to be able to I don't know be normal. I thought I would be here, but I am not. I don't know how people do it. how they cope. I think I am lot weaker than I thought. I don't mean that. I don't know what I think. I think that I am almost done with this assignment. it has almost been twenty  minutes. I can't believe it. I thought it would take forever. but I guess it really didn't. hopefully I will talk to mauricio soon. I now I have been focused on him a lot. but it's hard not to be. of course I might not see him for a long time, but. let's not think about that right now.