ahs10/essays-big5 huggingface dataset:
college isn't as easy or as bad ass as I was expecting,  with katie back home I can't stand not being ablble be with her or mess around, I know I'll prob end up[ screwing it up,  I know I kindof want  to date other people but I can't stand the thought of her being with another guy, I really do care about her but I know in the long run we aren't going to end up together but it is still hard to end it or change things plus the way we alwys fight it sux. I keep getting behind in my work and I don't have enough motivation to do thingds I know I shoiuld be doing. I'm wooried avboutr this life gaurd training test I'm so out of shape, what if I don't make it . I also don't know if I should have quit soccer. it was fun and I liked to play but I really wanted more free time, but to do what watch more tv and drink more, I need to meet more people so I'm not always relying on doing things with my hs buds,  shit I need a car I'm tired of this shit being dragged out,  I have to many thingsi need transportation for,  I miss katie. I'm fucking bored and need to take a nap or something it sux ricky williams got hurt I want him to tear up the nfl. I wish I could have watched the game last nite I neede to get a paper so I can check the stats,  man this 3 hrs of life gaurding training is going to suck. it's pretty exscessive to have 2 a month. I wonder where evrybody is,  what the hell am io going to do for dinner tonite since jester doesn't have food sun nite,  the stupid thing is last sun we went to the union and all but one place was closed on a day they know the cafeteria is closed how retarded,  dam the redskins are beating the shit out of the cowboys,  I hate the cowboys, but then again what nfl team do I really like,  any way ah shit my leg is falling asleep,  I wonder how jamie is or if he washed his sheets, what did he do last nite, I wonder if I'm going to get called fo an interview,  who pllays on the tv tonite  . I don't know why I burn so many cd's I never listen to any of them. I wonder if grant is upset with me for some obscurwe reason, I wouldn't have minded seeing robyns body this weekend god she has got a great ass I'll never forget seeing all those girls at midnite madness,  damn I'm deprived. I got scrswed this weekend on the money shit I spent like 75 bucks and everyone benififtes , I nedd to deposit my check. I don't evben know if I have any slips. I wonder how bad ricky is hurt. did my sister go to church today. my neck hurts dam I don't feel like getting in that ice cold water and freezing my balls off, hopefully its not as cold as the other pool, man none of the lifegaurds are cool. I wonder what ashley is up to or if she is still sick,  man lauren should defineatly stayhere well now I'm thinking about is finishing up this 20 min so my mind is kindof astray. I can only think of filling the paper of words these words which I''m writing. I wany  to see thos plat nice hight step,  dam 35-14  well times about up I wonder if they have any way of checking how much time u really spent because I've only gone 4 19 min oh ther's 20
A fire alarm sounded right before I was going to start this assignment. I had to walk down thirteen flights of stairs. When I got outside we had to walk across the street and stand there waiting for the magical voice to tell us that we can come back inside. Naturally, I had to walk up up up up thirteen flights of stairs. At least I know how to exit if there is a real fire. It also has given me something to write about. I bet that there going to do this crap a couple times each semester. Safety is a good thing. Terrible disasters that can be eliminated with a little planning kill a lot of people. I read that somebody said " a person that will trade freedom for security deserves neither. " I think that it was Benjamin Franklin who said that. I don't liberals because they are not in the business of creating a more free society. They just want to create more of a bureaucracy to ensure more safety. Gun laws are a good example. They think that if guns are illegal, that crime will go down. It sounds like a good idea to a lot of politically correct or pussified people. The real effect from that terrible idea would be less good people with guns and the same number of bad people with guns. The good people can't protect themselves in their own homes from the bad people that can easily get guns. Duhhh, the constitution guarantees us our right to have guns, probably the only reason why we are still aloud to have them. England just passed laws that have allowed the government to confiscate all of its citizens' guns. That would be a nightmare that would not stand for. Sometimes I think stuff this will happen. Other freedoms that people had a hundred years ago, are gone today. My grandchildren and other ancestors might not even live by the same constitution that we live by today in this country. I really want to graduate school so that I can afford to have a lot of kids and still be able to put them through college. I'm the last Erwin in my family so I hope my sperm will create a couple of boys with my wife. I wish that sex were not such a strong desire. It kind of gets in the way of being productive. The TVs and ads and the radio just pour on the sex appeal tactic because they know it's such a strong desire and emotion. I saw a cute girl when we had that fire drill. I think she was looking at me too. I should have said something to her. I wish I had more confidence to talk to girls. I wish I could stay drunk or high without the setbacks of puking and slurring words and possibly smelling funny. It's so easy to talk to girls when I'm inebriated.
Tired, stressed, already sick of school and it has only been the first week. What can I say other than I have to do great this semester. I never knew that school would be this stressful. There are so many things going on in my life right now that I really do not have time for. I feel like my brain is on overload and don't know when I am going to get all of this stuff done. Hungry, what can I say, I am always craving something. I am sitting in my dorm room all alone because my friends have all gone out to this Sig Ep party and I opted to stay home and catch up on things that I need to get done. I hate typing too. Although typing is a lot easier to do because it is a lot faster. I just hate it when I mess up and hit the wrong key. It really irritates me when my phone rings late at night and it is one of my friends from home and you can't understand a word they are saying because they have been out partying all night long. Have you ever noticed that when people have had a little too much to drink that they get real emotional?  When I returned home last night from being out, one of my friends from home was hysterically crying over something a guy said to her at a party. He commented on what she was wearing and obviously she took it the wrong way and got mad. Of course I knew it was no big deal, but she really thought it was. This morning, of course, she ran into my room wondering what had happened last night and why she got upset. It was such a big deal last night, but this morning she was so embarrassed. I have done the same thing that she did. Gosh, I miss my parents and I never really thought that I would. My senior year I was so tired of the high school scene. I think I was the only one of my friends that hated my senior year. Well, I can't say that I absolutely hated it, but I was ready to go on to bigger and better things. My boyfriend lived here, so maybe that's why I wanted to leave home so badly. My phone bill is going to be so high this semester. I talk to all of my friends so much on the phone. I also talk to my parents a lot too. I especially talk to my mom. I was always so close to my mom and it is hard to be away from her. I could always drive home one weekend. It is not very far away. I just found out today that we are going to have to go to ten hours of study hall every week. It sounds bad, but I really think this is good for me especially coming into my freshman year and trying to get adjusted to this new life that I am leading now. I was always independent, but now I feel that I am on my own for good. I really like only depending on myself for things.
Well, I'm not really sure what types of things I'm supposed to be saying. I miss my boyfriend so much. I hope he has a safe trip home. I hope he doesn't fall asleep. I feel really sleepy myself. I hope I can stay awake for this twenty minutes. Time seems to go by so slowly when you're sleepy. Especially when school work is involved. I wish I was a better typer. It is so hard to just think normally when you're typing on a computer. People probably think I'm not a very interesting person. I try to be, but I think I was born to be boring. Be boring and study my life away. I really don't mean to be so studious. I mean I want to do well in school, but I think I'm too caught up in it. Everything makes me nervous. It is so strange because even though I know this isn't going to be "graded", I feel nervous about doing it wrong or not doing a good job. I miss my family and my friends. I don't think I appreciated them enough when I was home. It is so hard to build a friendship up from scratch. It took years to be so close to them, and now I have to start all over. I'm truly lucky to have people that share all of my memories and understand all of my feelings. I wonder if they miss me as much as I miss them. I'm so paranoid. I'm always concerned that people are deceiving me in relationships. What if they don't mean "love" in the same way that I do?  I hate being hurt. I like to be in control and be omniscient. I like to have the upper hand with people. Unfortunately,  I think most of the time I'm the vulnerable one. Is that normal?  Probably. If I tell myself that enough I might believe it. Could someone really love someone enough that they would die for them if they had to. So many songs make that claim. It must be a truly amazing love. I am still in awe when I think about what Jesus did for me and everyone else. He died a most humiliating and painful death so we wouldn't have to. What love!  How sad though to think that not everyone accepts it!  I feel so guilty when talking to someone that doesn't accept it. I feel like there is something I could say to solve it, but I just don't know what. I know I'm not doing everything I could for Christ, and therefore not being quite good enough. I know I can't be perfect, but I try so hard to be. It feels that I come up short a lot in my life. It is so stressful. I'm probably going to die at an early age because of it. I can't stop though. Kale is so wonderful. He would do anything for me. I can't imagine anyone loving me that much unless they have to. My parents have to, but he doesn't. It is amazing.
Well, I'm thinking that 20 minutes seem like an eternity when you don't have a topic to write about. I'm thinking about how awkward it is to be in the computer lab writing about absolutely nothing. Now, I'm thinking about what would the reader" thing about my grammar. In my defense I'm not a native English speaker. Now I'm focusing on the girl right next to me. She lives in my dorm, and I'll probably never speak to her or get to now her because she is quiet and not my taste physically. I feel bored already and it's only been 4 minutes. I'm thinking what on earth will I write about for the next 15 minutes and a half now. Man, I'm a slow typist. It took me like 30 seconds to finish the last two sentences. Now I'm thinking about what will I do tonight. I wonder If I should go watch "Once Upon a Time in Mexico". I really want to see it tonight, but the people that I'm going with are not nice people in my opinion. They'll probably be loud and make STUPID comments as the movie is playing. God, I find people like that annoying, but I don't have a car and I really want to see that movie. What the heck I'll do it! God, 12 more minutes! Pass is passing so slowly! I feel bored, and I'm wondering about the purpose of this writing assignment. Is someone really going to go through this boring stuff. I'm thinking I should spice it up, make it worth the torture the poor TA is going to go thru reading through all the writings. I feel I'm not creative enough to come up with some weird thought that is interesting, yet not crazy enough I'll be summoned by Pennebaker for some counseling. I feel extremely bored now. It sees like nothing is going on in my head. I feel nothing, besides bored, and great expectation for this to end. Now I feel aroused, a hot girl just entered the room. I'm thinking she must be one of those weird girls cause she is dressed in short-short pants and is wearing catholic school girl socks and shoes. I'm thinking I don't care if she is crazy no more. she is hot. Now I'm wondering if the reader is going to be some girl. She is going to think I'm a pig hahahah. The girl is gone. I'm noticing how everyone that was pretending not notice her started acting differently and more relaxed as soon as she left. I feel better now, cause I've only got 1 and half minutes to go. I'm feeling nothing, thinking nothing. I'm just focusing on the clock. I think this has been officially the longest minute ever. I'm do
My mind is fried from the test that I just took. Did I do well? Did I screw up?. Did I get tickets to the football game. Jeff was supposed to have a friend draw. I hope our seats are good, because today has been a rough day. I hope Jeff likes me. This writing assignment makes me feel really funny because of all my sporadic thoughts. I wonder if this is one of the papers you decide to read, or if it is just going to end up in some data bank somewhere. I hope psychology is going to be a semi easy course because college at this point is a little overwhelming. My roommate just walked in, so I guess I should mention her. Allison or Ally, whatever I feel like calling her at the time. She fun, makes me laugh, I could use that right now. The test was easy but what if I just screwed up on it because it was my first test. I guess I will know by today what the event will be. The pressure to make good grades is getting to me. I want to have fun and do a little bit of everything, but I don't know how to fit it all in. I want to party with my friends, but I also want to do well. How far will that get me in life. What if I bust my butt and nothing happens. I'm beginning to notice a pattern in my thoughts; they are all questions. Does that mean I'm missing the answers, or does that mean I worry too much. Here I go with the questioning again. I'm trying not to be clichéd and do the average, I wonder if so and so likes me, but it is ending up like that. All of my life is in a state of not knowing. For everything that I have learned, it seems like there is much more because everything that I know doesn't answer all of my questions. That's where I get my nosiness, I guess. I classify myself as an ambulance chaser. The time is flying a lot faster than I thought. Scooby Doo is on tv, that is Kaitlyn's favorite show. She's at home in Dallas. I miss her so much and that reminds me that Zach's surgery is going to be tomorrow. He's so little, will he be ok. More questions. They are driving me nuts (feel sorry for the reader). Here's the issue of time again. I'm running out of it, literally and figuratively. I guess its nap time, I don't even know if I want to do that for sure.
I wonder what this stuff is suposed to mean. What can i possibly learn about my self by writing incohearant thoughts for twenty minutes. I'm not a very good typist for one. None too good at spelling either. I hope who ever or what ever machine looks at this can read past any spelling and punctuation mistakes. This computer screne is far too birght. i wish i had thought to fix that before i started this. I wish i could read some other students writtings. Maybe i'd find some insight to how i'm doing in this rat race. Maybe i'd figure out what the girls around here are looking for. how vacant can my mind be? how many mental diseased is this going to uncover in me? i hope there are drugs to fix it. I wish i were at the lake right now. no books, no tv, no phone, just a hamock and a cold drink. Maybe a seadoo. A little bit of water sports never hurt anyone. Accept the ones that crash. God i hope  never see anything like that again. Why did that have to happen, all those kids had to do was go a little bit slower. All they had to do was look around for boats. They could have avoided it and now they are dead just beacause they couldn't understand that a jet ski isn't a toy. A goddamn toy! how could anyone   play   with their life like that. I hope i go in my sleep. i can feel the propeller slicing through my leg right now. those poor bastards. i guess id rather be one of those kids than the poor bastard that hit them though. i could never live with that kind of baggage. they didn't even know where their parents were. for the love of God, what could they possibly have thought when they got that phone call.   MRs smith, your daughters are dead. There was nothing we could do, i guess these things just happen.   and how could the parents not blame the draver of that boat?? how coul anyone ever admit that their childs death was their childs own fault? that all seem a bit bleek. Maybe i am ill. maybe i should get a bike. I could get around alot faster. Maybe i should just leave early, then maybe i could loose some weight. mayeb i've got it all wrong though. maybe they don't even care about that. I should loose some weight anyway. its unhealthy. Who ever reads this thinks i'm a nutcase.  Hello out there. welcome to the inner sanctom of my mind. its cold in here, but you'll get used to it. watch your step, there are some loose screws here and there. don't poke at that, i'm affraid it might fall apart. don't trip on that, its allready fallen apart. i know its messy in here but i'll get it all organized sooner or later.   i need to hire an inner sanctum of the mind cleaning lady. I hear they are very affordable. I guess cheap labor is just a byproduct of his whole immigration mess. maybe that mess has to do with our economic mess, or our terrorism mess. or our youth mess. or our drug mess. who in hell is going to clean up any of these messes? can you do one at a time? or are they all linked together? certainly some are. i'll just let trusty george W. handle it. err, imean cheany
Well, here I am; doing a paper that was assigned weeks ago hours before it is due. I do not know what it is that causes me to procrastinate as much as I do. Lack of sleep, maybe. Laziness, probably. I consider myself a good student, but when it comes to doing papers or projects I always put it off until the last minute. I just got home tonight, its past midnight, and I am tired. I really want to go to sleep so I am not dead during classes tomorrow. I am worried about how things are going to work out grade-wise. This is my first experience with a grading system such as college, with so much emphasis placed on tests and very few other grades. Pretty much all my classes are going well, but I am not sure how I am going to study for exams. However, I think that if I keep up my study habits that got me here, I will do just fine. I am really hungry right now because lunch was my last meal and I do not want to eat now because apparently it is bad for you to eat before you sleep. My eating habits worry me too now. Three solid meals a day used to do it for me, but now breakfast is gone and one large meal a day is usually all I go for. My head itches a lot now that my hair has grown out. I really love music. No matter how my day is going, there is always a song out there that can raise my spirits. I enjoy all different kinds, and I have listen to a variety since I have started writing. It is quite weird now that I think about it, but music is one of the only things that can truly mellow me out. I have always been a calm, collected person but there is just something about it that I truly love. The whole college experience has been great so far. I love the campus, the professors, and the people. Most of my professors give great lectures, and class is actually enjoyable now. I almost look forward to each new school day now that I'm at the University. Being on my own and experiencing what life has out there is so awesome, but there are times that I wish I was still back home in high school, not worrying about anything.
As I sit here at my computer, I can't help but think about everything going on in my life right now. This year has been an incredible time in my life. My senior year in highschool, I was involved in many extracurricular activities. I was one of the head dance team captains, I was the Student Counsil spirit committee chairperson, and I was involved in Key club. I felt I had everything going for me. I had gotten into UT with my best friend. We couldn't believe both of us got in. I remember my best friend got in first and I didn't think I had gotten in. Every time I checked online it said I was still in review. A week later she calls me and says she has some good news. The first thing she said was,"so what color bed spread do you want to get. "  I knew right away what she was saying. I was so excited. After that there was no more pressure as to if I had gotten in or not. The pressure now was the fact that in a few months I was going to have to live on my own. It was weird because it would never hit me that I was really going to be in college. Even a week before I was going to leave I still couldn't tell myself I was leaving. The day I got up here was really hot and tiring. Moving stuff up and down the elevators from the parking garage to the dorm, then from the dorm up to my room. The halls were very hot and crowded. We had to wait in a line to even get into the elevator. Once I got all my stuff into my room I now had to unpack it all and organize it all. I remember feeling so disorganized. When I feel disorganized I begin to get upset. Well my parents were being very helpful and understanding. There was a point when I just wanted to cry. After an hour or two my parents left and it was just me and my best friend in our room. I had to move stuff around almost 5 times before I was happy, but even then I did not feel satisfied. Atleast right now I think I can say I am happy about my room. That is after a few shopping trips. This morning was the big football game against Stanford. We had tickets to go but it was just too hot. All I have to do though is look out my window and I can see the whole stadium full of screaming fans. I do have to say I have a wonderful view. While sitting here in my room after a week or two of classes gone by, I feel I am more comfortable. I feel a sense of pride, a sense of independance, and all in all I am now very happy. I have met many intersting people, I love all my classes, and most of all I love UT. The funny thing is that it has finally hit me that I am now in college. Being the oldest in the family made it a little harder leaving, but all my life I have been the one to do everything first. My parents are very proud of me and I can say that I am very proud of myself.