I feel so blessed to be here right now. the game tonight was so fun. I can't believe that we won 65-0. that's such an incredible win. poor north Texas guys. They must feel pretty embarrassed. I feel so content here and settled even though I've only been here a couple of weeks. I think that I am really getting comfortable with all of my classes and the people around me and am really getting to feel like this is my home. I miss judd so much. the time we get to spend together is never enough. its funny to me how I haven't missed my parents at all but I think about and miss judd all the time. I just love the way he makes me feel, so warm and so complete. I'm so glad that I have friends here like oshley and that I totally lucked out with allyson as my roommate. I'm so relieved that me and my friend ben worked out the awkwardness between us so that we're still good friends. I was so surprised when I saw him on the jumbotron tonight. I feel so proud of him. I can't stop thinking about how lucky I feel to be here. I just love it here and can't wait till judd gets here. I think I want to convince all my friends still in high school to go to school here. Its just so amazing. the people and the opportunities and the culture make this place so amazing. living in new braunfels was such a bubble. this feels more like the real world. I know that people say college is still a bubble and I think they're right, but its more of a realistic world than life in new braunfels. I miss high school, but just the idea of knowing everybody and where everything was and the comfort of it being my hometown. at the game last night, I felt a little sad that I wasn't down there on the track cheering. now that judd and I were together, part of me wishes I could go back and have that ultimately typical high school relationship - the varsity football player and the varsity cheerleader. it would've been so much fun to have that sort of experience!  I'm just a little jealous of those girls down there on the track because I feel like they aren't taking advantage of what an incredible opportunity they've got down there. those were the best times of my life thus far. I know that better are sure to come in my years here at Texas, but I just wish that I could go back, just for one Friday night, and cheer under the lights and yell for the boys and be right down there with judd. it makes me so sad that I probably won't ever get to perform like that again. my dancing and cheering days are over and I just want them back. its not that I miss the actual belonging to the cheerleading program, I just miss being in the spotlight and performing for the fans. I thrive off of that and now I feel a little empty since I don't get to do it anymore, and I especially feel it when I see the new girls down there on the track. I feel kind of dumb reminiscing so much on high school memories now that I'm in college because all I ever talked about in high school was how I couldn't wait to get away from the drama and just come to college to be just a normal student. granted I definitely don't miss the drama of high school, I do miss the girls and the games of high school cheerleading.  the more I keep thinking about this the more sad I feel. I think the biggest problem is how much I miss judd. we spent so much time together this summer and I just miss him not always being there to hold whenever and wherever I needed him. I can't believe I fell in love with him. he's just an amazing guy. the one thing that scares me about him that makes me feel nervous is his uncertainty about his Christianity. its so hard for me to explain my faith to him because it was just engrained in me and I was too young to question it and now its just a part of who I am and I'm so thankful for that. but judd didn't grow up going to church or with any faith instilled in him so now its hard for him to understand or trust anything that he can't prove really is there. I think its a matter of pride. The idea of giving himself to someone else that he doesn't really know is there doesn't settle well with him. or maybe its a trust issue. Or maybe both. its just hard because I can't really understand how he can NOT have belief, and he doesn't understand how I CAN. oh man I have a lot of homework this weekend. I really have to finish it all tomorrow so I can go home and see judd. I can't wait to see him tomorrow. I wish he could be up here experiencing all this with me. I can't wait for him to come to school up here and be with me! that will totally complete me here. I don't know if I'm complete without him. I've never felt dependent on someone like that before. well I think my time is almost up. in conclusion, I feel so amazed that I'm actually here. I miss my friends who aren't here, and I especially miss judd. I want to work hard here and prove myself to everyone and make really good grades and fully experience everything ut has to offer.