So here I am sitting at my computer. I am supposed to be doing my homework that I put off all week, I guess you could call this homework though. Its a little cold in here, I haven't taken a shower yet. I hope my roommate doesn't just come home and I'm still sitting here in my pajamas. she goes to san antonio every weekend to see her family and boyfriend. I wish I could go home to see my family and friends. but I don't have the money. I hate my job. I wish it were more like my old job at home. scott was so nice there and here tj just seems like a jerk. maybe I'll get transferred to a closer store. probably not though. I'm hungry and my feet are cold. I wonder why it is that whenever I get hungry I get cold, or maybe its the other way around, whenever I get cold I get hungry. I don't think the second floor dining opens until 4:30, if even that, I can't remember the hours for the weekend. my cell phone is ringing. I really wish my new cell phone would get here. ever since I dropped this one on the way to class it just randomly calls and hangs up and sends me messages, most of them are old by the time I get them, or were sent earlier in the day. I should really take a shower, I feel sticky. I think its from the ice cream. I just finished watching solaris. it was an ok movie, not as good as greg said it was going to be but interesting at least. the whole basis of it was that your basis of reality isn't really what reality is, and who's to determine what reality is anyways. its a pretty far fetched concept. and on a better day I might think about that, but today I've got bigger things to worry about. I like biology, dr pierson is very focused on teaching us to learn, which I think is cool for a professor. they tell you in high school that when you get to college, especially a big college like this one that you are all on your own and if you haven't developed good study skills before you get here you are for sure going to fail. but its just not true. I would have thought people here would be less worried about how we were doing and how we were understanding things, but everyone seems to really care. I wonder how long that will last. that's another thing about living here. in dallas no one really cares. I mean duncanville sure people do, its a smaller town, but if you were to go downtown and ask someone for directions they would probably think you were crazy. here people are much more friendly. just yesterday I was riding the bus home from wal-mart and you know riding the metro's around here you run into all kinds of strange and interesting people, and this older black guy and a group of punk kids gets on the bus. and the kids were so rude to him, and talking to him like he was stupid and making fun of him right to his face and everything. they didn't know him anymore than I did, and sure it was apparent that all of his crayons weren't in the box but it amazed me how disrespectful they were to him. so I said something, and it wasn't even mean, I just started asking them how old they were and how much they thought they knew in the few years they had lived. none of them answered of course, and it really wasn't my place to say, but they shut up. now they got off the bus quickly, but the older guy stayed on and talked to me for awhile. he was nice enough, he had some sort of speech issue. it was like talking to my grandpa after his stroke but much faster. I couldn't tell if he didn't know the words or if his brain couldn't unscramble the words. that's what my grandpa used to say. he didn't talk much after his last stroke, and the doctors couldn't help him if he couldn't tell them what he wanted. and finally one day my mom asked him why he looked angry all the time. and he told her he knew what he wanted to say but when he opened his mouth to say it it came out all scrambled up. so it had to sit and think about it a second time to be sure it came out right. and it wore him down and it made him tired so he just didn't say much. he understood everything we were saying but the delay for him aggravated him so he didn't want to deal with it. its sad ya know. he is very smart, and he is seen so much to tell about, I hope he gets thru this. my mom says he is getting better. I think probably one of the worst diseases must be alztiemers. I know that's not what he is got, but just this small glimpse is scary to me. I couldn't' imagine living thru it. hopefully by the time I get that old they will have figured out a way to fix it. why did I buy two packs of gum?  I went to Wal-Mart yesterday and for whatever reason I bought two packs of gum. I don't' even chew gum that often. maybe I bought one for aida. she is probably going to come home soon, I think she was catching the 3pm bus out of san antonio. I'm going home next weekend. I'm supposed to catch a bus at 4 and get to dallas at 7:45. I guess we'll have to make some stops because I've never gone to dallas or to here and it taken longer than 3 hours. but I probably speed a little. and tj is just going to have to deal with me not being here. I told him two weeks ago not to schedule me on Friday, sat, or sundays because I didn't know when I was going out of town. and what did he do?  schedule me for this Friday. well I already bought the tickets and if I don't go home this weekend I'm going to go crazy. I miss the stupid things, like tricia singing in the shower. that child is so tone deaf its not even funny. or mom knowing all the lyrics to every disney channel song. I miss my chinchilla. his name is mistletoe. I got him for christmas two years ago from my biological father. I don't talk to him anymore. I wonder if he even knows I'm here. samantha knows, I remember telling her last christmas. that's what sux about all this though. I mean its bad that me and russell can't work things out, but that's our issue, but because of it I can't talk to samantha, which isn't fair to her. what did she ever do to deserve this?  it wasn't her choice. and nobody ever asked her. what will she think when she grows up and I haven't been there for her prom and her college years and all that. will she blame me?  I don't know. well I should really go take a shower. my roommate is coming soon. thanks for listening.