ahs10/essays-big5 huggingface dataset:
Well. I just finished my first week of college. I can't believe I'm already here, but I wish I was already out. There seems like so much to do but I'm starting to get things under control. I think. My friend Helen is at A&M and shes going to jump for the track team. She is an emblem of success. everytime I think of her, it reminds me of just how bad of a person I am. I guess everyone makes mistakes, but my mistakes seem to be a lot worse when I make them, because I know better. Hopefully  I can keep up with all my reading assignments. reading is definitely not my thing. especially when I'm forced to do it. Tomorrow's reading time will be flled with the SI class, but that's okay I think I'm going to need as much help as I can get. Tonite's church. thank the Lord. Sometimes you just got to get filled up when everything seems so dry. I love church, but sometimes I feel so . . I don't know. not as good as everyone else. like nobody makes mistakes but me. I know that's not true. only I lie from the devil trying to get me down. anyways today in psychology class someone mentioned obessive cumplusive disorders. and I wanted to scream out. I've been caught in that trap beofre. Which I have and thank the Lord I no longer am bound by that chain. only by the grace of God did I get through some of the worst, tearful, confusing years of my life. Oh. El Patio sounds real good right now. not only because of the delicious food, but because I have to right a paper on it and I need to get some intricate details to make my paper a success! I can't wait to be home tonite. I've been up at school since before 7 am. only to realize that my 8 am class had been canceled. my next class was not until 12 noon. Oh well at least I got some studying in and I was able to finish my english homework so that I wouldn't have any tonite. Praise the Lord. Anyways back tonite. my boyfriend is suppose to call me about ten. man I hope he gets his own phone soon. I miss him. I wish could just get married right now. but my father might have other plans for that situation. . but I don't understand sometimes. why do you always have to wait 'til your outa school before you get married. . of course I understand the logical part of it all, but what about love. although love is suppose to be patient. I don't like preaching to myself all the time. it's like I know what's right but I wish things could be different. I don't know. right now my biggest concern is my dad letting me drive down to San Antonio and pick up Stephen (my boyfriend) on friday afteroon. oh Lord please help me to find favor with him on this situation. Wow. twenty minutes is a lot longer than I thought it was going to be. It's like writing in my journal on the computer. what Dr. Pennebaker said today about when your depressed, to write what your feeling down. I totally agree. I know no matter what I'm feeling it always helps to write in my journal and shed a few tears of course! I like journals soo much that lately, I've been giving them to my friends for their birthdays. my time is clicking down. I really hope I can find a job soon and hopefully my friend Lauren found one today.
The RTF305 Usenet site is a piece of garbage!  I just sent my first required message, only to have another person's name in the From slot!  Now I probably won't get credit, and worse yet, I can't access it again!  The computers here suck!  It's bad enough I wait in line just to use one. Well, that's it, I have  got to get my own. Or perhaps, bring my old one from home. It seems different, even though basically everything is the same. It's on my desk at home right now. That antique desk where I spent hour after hour perfecting my work,  listening to my favorite music right now. I hear Journey, and String right now, now if that stereo down the hall would shut up!  What are they paying  for anyway?  They come miles upon miles, after earning the right to be here, and then squander it on stupid sound effects, and loud music. If I wanted to hear Inspector Gadget during the Simpsons, I would change the channel!  I only get to watch t. v. for 30 minutes or so a day, and I certainly want to choose, and if my roommate and I don't choose, why should that inconsiderate shmuck down the hall get to!?  Speaking of halls, that turn was so tight in the one off of my computer room. I used to feel plush carpet under my feet, and the cold, refreshing taste of Coke when I walked quickly into the room to begin my work for the night. And all those shows that I missed! I missed countless mindless hours of television. Pure, mind-numbing entertainment, what can beat that. I see industrial carpet on the wall right now. How plush my bed was!  Jake used to love when I gave him nip, or scratched his ears at night. It reminds me of when that  bumpkin exterminator came to the large, clean, inviting house thought he was a bob cat. So the vet called him "big-boned", that doesnt mean he was obese. So he ate 3 bowls a day, and was a 20 pound cat with a gut. That reminds me of "Cats" when the twenty pounder is the human equivalent of 300 or so pounds. That theatre rocked. I. M. Pei is awesome, but that other guy on t. v. is an eccentric freak. The Myerson is cool, I could go for some more hot chocolate now, just like during the Christmas musical we went to. That guy was pretty short who my mom worked with, and bald as a bowling alley floor. I have to play pool before I go insane!  That basement used to smell musty, but the sleepovers were fun.
NFL kickoff tonight. should be fun to watch. Going to get depressed watching them play. actually probably not, but I wish I could play ball ! I played highschool football, and actually did Div,. III equivalent in Erope. that was fun. This assignment is too long should be 10 minutes, not 20. I read a book that was stram off consciensness (did I spell that right?). Cassandra, by Christal wolf. I was an IB book. it ought to be fun going back to norway this winter for xmas. can't wait to see my parents and sis. and dog. coach will send me a CD with all our game footage from last season. Go domers. He said I could play whenever I was in norway. awesome. I was a badass corner back. if I was 40lbs heavier (muscle) and faster I could play for UT. It would be a frikkin dream come true. that's one regret that I have in life. maybe one of my only ones: that I will forever just be a varsity highschool ball players. or maybe not its not that big a deal I guess. can't wait til I'm flyin in the US air force! greatest country ever!! this assignmentt is getting old. nnobody's going to read all of them anyway green mesquite bbq. Mmm I don't really want to go, but I want the bbq plus I get to see rotc people but I actually don't really want to now I want to lay in bed and watch tv play ta. too lazy I get my guitar toorrow this keyboard is hard to type on this opps this assignment is terminated
well, I wonder why I'm here. languages can be a real problem especially when you have 100 pages to read every day. Maybe this is what people called college live. no time, no entertainment, no nothing. maybe it's not the case for native students!  so why am I here?  Am I anywhere better than them?  Or will I ever be better than this advantaged people?  what advantage will I receive once I finish this college hell?  hell with it. It's not so bad actually. maybe. I don't know. There are so many things I want to do, but don't have time for. I have to fit into the class room, so I got to read the textbook, pretending that I'm cool with it. Who knows how I'm doing?  I don't even know that. Sometimes I wonder what will come after. After all this years of staying and trying to fit into a culture that I don't even like. Is it money that draw me here?  Or is it something else?  Maybe I'm just tried of what I used to do. Although I don't know exactly what. Live repeats itself, again and again that I don't know whether I've done it already or it's just a similar experience. Memories are tricky. They fool you, mislead you, and abandon you. Am I here for the 2nd time? Or even more than that?  What am I searching for?  Trying to reach a perfect life?  I wonder how many times more do I have to live in order to achieve that. Enough for the questions. since there will be no answers to that. Austin is a nice place. The weather is quite similar to Taiwan, but not as humid. People are busy, as they did in community college. but the more people there are, the easier you fall into isolation. I don't remember when I get my first "friend" in college, but people seemed more relaxed back then. Memories make things look at its best. That's how human survives. Cell phone is also a devise that's supposed to do so. But do they?  People get more and more dependent on such thing. They want to be connected. but with whom?  What's the meaning of saying hi on the phone and trying to find a correct time to hang up though out the conversation?  Cell phone is tiring. They only work when you need to be picked up. There lots of quite Asian girls on campus; I wonder where they're from. Are they having the same troubles?  I don't see any good looking Asian guys out there. Too bad, it's always easier to find good looking girls than guys. Well, as long as it nurture my eyes. Not being able to see good looking things can be a torture!  That brings me to another problem in Austin. No comic book store!!!  And I can't even watch the DVDs I brought. Damn capitalistic Americans. Region settings is plane stupid.
well I just got back from my home town in huntsville today. I went down there for my granny and paw paws fiftieth wedding anniversary. I think today was the hardest move I ever made. it as my first trip home since I moved  down here. the first time wasnt as hard as today was. I guess I realized that I don't live there anymore. when I was leaving I thought to myself I have to go home. but this doesn't feel like home to me, huntsville does. I had a blast while I was there. I got to see most of my friends including my girlfriend which I was basically forced to break up with because of my move cause everyone knows that long distance relationships don't work. but it was like nothing had even changed. I had so much fun with her and with my old friends. I honestly didnt want to come back today. I cried the most I've ever cried in my life today. the hardeset thing for me was to see my mom cry. I think she realized that I was actually gone as well. I could also tell my dad was fighting back the tears. the only other time I have ever seen my dad almost close to crying was when his grandmaw died. me and him are best friends. he told me he loved me today which I havent heard out of his mouth in a while because you know,  were "men". as I pulled out of my driveway, my mom and dad were hugging each other,  they have never done anything but scream and yell at each other since my 18 years of living there. I burst into tears at the sight and drove off with that pain in youre neck you get when you try to fight back tears. this still wasnt as bad as when I had to tell my exgirlfriend bye again. she was the last person I saw before I left and I spent about an hour over there. we talked about how much fun we used to have. I wish I could see her more often. she gave me my birthday present today because I wont be home for it. she wrote me the sweetest card  and I started to cry again. then I opened the present and it was a fairly expensive watch and I burst into tears again. I realize how much she really is in love with me and I wish I was there to share that with her. its going to be even harder to get usec to living down here now. to end with a good note every one I visited sent me lots of food back. thanks for listening, I feel a lot better now.
I feel a bit stressed out this week because it seems like my assignments are piling up. Computers are not my specialty so I am glad I made it on this web page, now if I can only figure out how to check my e-mail. I went to a alpa Kappa Delta Phi meeting last, which turned out to be pretty fun. I am so excited about the whole sorority experience. I hope I get a bid. This would be such a great experience - to make new friends. At this moment I am trying to get things done because I have a class in an hour and I have to attempt reading the Wall Street Journal before 5:00. I would have gotten my paper yesterday, but I couldn't figure out the lock combination, so I called the Wallace Distributors and left a message yesterday. She called me this morning and treated me as if I were a child, speaking real slow and in my opinion she was patronizing me which I really hate. I think I am going to be nervous all week wondering if I am going to get into KDPhi. My roommate and I are getting along pretty well so I am pretty happy about that. She is trying out for Spirits and I hope she gets in because she deserves it. I am worried that it will be difficult for her to get in because 200 girls are trying out for 23 positions.
My Thoughts. As I sit here thinking my mind wonders into so many different plains of emotion and depth. I like the music I am listening to but my concentration is probably dying. I hate typing. This is a great way to see how I am thinking although I am tired and my thoughts are probably greatly distorted. I am glad I came to college station last night. It feels good to be back here and to see all these people I know already. I am already tired of seeing people it is almost impossible to get to know. My roommate is probably sitting at my apartment all alone and that is too bad I wish she had something to do as well. I like her but we do have some crazy differences. I am extremely thirsty. It is very hot in here. The past few days have been so terribly hot outside. I like the Fall and the Winter better. Everything is a lot more enjoyable then. I cant wait to see my old friends when I go home during Christmas. In High School I always thought I was Different from everyone else and to an extent I was. I hate yellow. I like to write but I would rather be reading a good book right now or maybe going to play put-put golf. Twenty minutes is a long time to write about nothing. Charlie has gone to work and I dont have much to do now other than this. Why do people act so stupid today. I am scared to meet people because they all seem so strange and their thoughts all seem to be the opposite of mine. I want to breathe a breath that is new. I see nothing as far as my life is right now. I live my life with the shadows and I know that this is wrong or is it . I will find a place I have before. My head hurts what else can I write oh sweet brain. I love psychology it is so exciting and new and apparent . I am going to enjoy  this class even though is has about a billion people in it and that is a change since my town only has 1400 people living in it . all so big BIG big I feel like I have been bent and thrown around right now I need to get some more sleep but I cant do that right now I am falling into this trap of thinking about my thoughts and my thoughts are typical and dull to me but I am not typical and dull WHY ARE my thoughts coming out this way on paper. Maybe it has something to do with trying too hard or subconsciously knowing complete strangers are going to read this (I like to write my thoughts for myself. Sorry 20 minutes is up .
Psychology is a class that I have always been interested in and have wanted to take. Although I took the course in high school, I feel that I will learn a great deal more taking a course on the college level. I am interested in this due to an eagerness to gain more knowledge about subjects that have affected my family throughout the years. For example, a few years ago my mom and I learned that my sister was bulimic. When told this one random day after school, I had no idea how serious the illness was. What is bulimia anyway? I feel that my sister also had no understanding of the trauma she was putting her body through. After many psychiatric appointments, talks with several doctors, and a listening ear from her family, Kacy has finally learned to overcome her problem. However, is it ever possible to fully recover from such a disease? These are questions I anticipate getting answers to over the remainder of the semester? I can not help but still worry about her. Sometimes I feel that she tells my mom and I only what we want to hear. Another subject personally affects me that I am interested in is stress. I come from a long line of stressed out family members, including myself. I admit that I put a tremendous amount of pressure on myself to constantly succeed, which basically means I set entirely too many goals. If and when I fail, it causes me to feel like a failure even though I know that no one is perfect, including myself. My parents are divorced, and I live with my mom (or I did before college anyway). Therefore, my mom sees the reality of my success, but my dad is too naive to realize that his baby girl is not perfect. I contribute, I admit, to much of his believing that due to white lies I occasionally tell him, but I just never want to feel that I am letting him down. In his eyes, I am a straight A student, flawless dancer, fully involved in extracurricular activities, hardworking, perfect. The truth, however, is that I am average. I do work hard and manage to get a few A's, I am involved in several organizations, and I held a job for two years and did well. Basically, I embellish the truth a lot to my dad, which in turn makes me feel bad about myself. It causes me to stress out and have negative thoughts. Now that I am in this class, I am anxiously awaiting facts and meaning to why I am feeling this way, and hopefully find a resolution that will benefit me in the end.
Stream of Consciousness:  That time counter is very annoying, the videos that switched. a really good song just came on, I think it is by Mark Anthony. This office smells kind of funny sometimes. I met this Girl named Maria today and she is a runner for UT. I hope Parking and Transportstion appeals my ticket. I have some really random thoughts.  I want the best things out of life. But I fear that I want too much!  What if I fall flat on my face and don't amount to anything. But I feel like I was born to do BIG things on this earth. But who knows.  There is this Persian party today. My neck hurts. But I am excited about attending this party. The girl I like will be there. She is my ex. Btu it's all good. I hope she still has feeling for me. I woke up this morning with a terrible head ache.  I am wondering if I should invite my brother and hos friends to that party. I really wasn't invited myself, but I know Marjon will be there. I have some messages on my phone. How do you track feelings?  That must be hard to do. I feel good!  Healthy, kind of tired - but its morning time. I should call Janaina. I miss her. She is very cool. I hope no one actually wastes their time reading this. Because this stream of consciouness in BS. But it's ok. I guess I will learn something new from this class. I made a taks sheet for today. But I dought (is that how you spell that word?) I will finish everything on there. But I might. Life is much simpler when you have direction.  I need to get stated on my well logging  homework. I bet you guys don't even read this paper. I would be interested in seeing how people stucture this writing assignment. I mean, the way people form their paragraphs and stuff. As you can see I like writing paragraphs 3-4 sentences at a  time. Yeahhhhhhhhhhh, time is almost up. I am very glda to be done with is assignment. Thanks
Stream of consciousness---I am not sure what to write at all  everything in my head  comes in little spurts of information. "Turn the radio on, turn the radio up, and this woman was singing my song,  lover is crying cause the other won't stay. my stomach hurts and I have to go to the bathroom, I think I just saw Jacob Biddle Now that I have to think about something I can't. which is strange because usually I think too much about  everything right now that song by Lisa Loeb keeps running through my head even though I really hate that song. I feel really bad for Princess Diana's kids. but I actually have that morbid curiosity  to see the pictures of the accident scene and it makes me feel awful. do I have to work tomorrow?  My bangs keep getting in my face---I should never have gotten them My roommate is bothering me right now. she always leaves hair on the bathroom sink and on the floor  and it really disgusts me, especially in the morning when I am already in a bad mood, and  sometimes she gets this real high moral attitude with me like she knows better and doesn't want to break the rules by painting the walls because Mr. Lay might get mad, yet she has all this pot in her closet What a hypocrite!  I hope I make Texas Angels, although I have to admit that I thought the whole thing was really fake  Okay, now really nothing is going through my head I wonder if the people next to me are looking at what I am writing, they better not, that is such an invasion of privacy, although I would look at theirs  any day. there is this disk sitting right here and it is not mine but I want to use it because I didn't bring a disk so that I could check email but I don't even know whether or not it is formatted for a PC, that guy was really cute. I wish I was in Paris right now. wow these computers really filled up fast ---there is already a line to get on them oh well too bad for them. oh damn I forgot to go get that course packet for government, oh I need to call that New York Times number I think they changed the computer system here in the SMF because the setup is different, that guy reminds me of somebody but I can't think who, I wonder if I can check my email without a disk If that is Brian Patridge he sure got fat. I wonder if I need to bring my psychology book today, but I don't think I have time to walk all the way home and then walk back, I will just share with Tina I need to check on my stocks, maybe they have finally earned me some money, and I need to get my portfolio going. I want my car back