I am so tired. This headache is really getting to  me. I wonder if I can make it through the classes today. Why is my foot numb. Sleeping on the floor last night really hurt. I wish the little boy did not cry so much. I hope I will have enough money to go to Brazil for Christmas. I really miss him. It is so hard that his parents don't like me. I know they don't, even if he says they do. Wow my headache is going away. I think I am  hungry. I won't eat until 11:30, that way I can make it through my classes. I am dreading the first one. Social work is so boring. Why did I get myself in it. Man my stomach cannot wait to eat. ouch. I need to clean my sheets. I need to read first though. I wish I had a more comfortable chair in here. I need to save my money. I hope I have enough to last the year. This sucks struggling to have enough money. I should not cross my legs it is bad for the blood flow. I need to stand up straight too. Slouching is not going to help what I already did from sleeping on a floor with no pillow. Man I have so much to read. All I want to do is sleep. I cannot sleep though I have to read, run, work, go home this weekend. I am dreading that. All I want to do is sleep and I have to get up so early just to go to church. I wish Granny would just let me sleep in once. At least they do not sing in the Mass. I keep messing up in my writing. ahhh! This is driving me crazy. I need to correct all my mistakes too. I hate mistakes. I hate messes. I hate the fact that this computer is a piece if junk and I cannot afford to buy a better one. I am lucky in life though. I admit that. I should be happy with what I have. There is not use telling myself this,  it only makes it worse. It just makes me think of everything that is wrong. I wish I could disappear for a little bit. I wish I could go back to Brazil right now to be with Rica. He makes me so happy. He makes me realize how great I am. He shows me how much he cares. I am so happy he is my boyfriend. I just wish he did not have to go back. What do his parents expect. I cannot  speak Portuguese. How was I supposed to talk to them. They cannot know what kind of person I am. I tried to stay out of the way. I did not know what to do. I think they are not telling him the whole truth. Of course they  would not tell him that they do not like me. Plus he is moving here later for me and he is their baby. They would have to deal with Carlos again. There I go crossing my  legs. This room is freezing. I only like it like that at night. I wish I did not worry so much. It makes my head hurt. I wish I did not have to worry for  just one day. Everything is going wrong this year. I do not want to call Dad. He will just talk about bills and the divorce. He will  sigh 500 times. He will make excuses then talk about work and ask why I never see him. I hope he does not talk about when he went to church for the first time in 25 years. I do not even like that church. They only make fun of my religion. I need to learn to be more nice about it. I just don't what that weird place converting my Kylie. I worry about her. I worry about Kalan. What is going to happen to them. Quit crossing your legs. I wish my nails were long. They are so thin. I need to go to the store for food. I need to save my money. I can deal with the food the dorm gives me. I will just drink water in my room. My car stinks inside. I hate when I get out and I smell like smoke. I should check the oil. I will do that today after I run. I cannot believe I went from 12:50 to 19:40. I was doing so well running before. I did not change anything. I hurts now to run. I cannot breathe. I do not want to go to the doctor. I just need to get used to the air. Although I have been back home for a month now and the air was not much different in Brazil. I hope the shot of pain that goes through my  heart goes away. I just imagine an artery clog. I am so young and I eat healthy. I bet it is stress, or I am not breathing correctly. This itch on my nose needs to go away. Quit crossing your legs. Type faster so I can keep up with my mind. This is kind of hard because I think of what I type. There goes  my nose again. At least I stopped crossing my legs. Yay, I am almost done. I am hungry too, but I have to  wait 12 more minutes. I should have had something little this morning. I  hope I don't get fat. I am already fat as it is. I need to get rid of this stuff. It is so hard. IT will not go away. It is just that one area. I will get surgery when I am rich. h ahah that is a good way of looking at it. Like it will ever happen. I do not even know what I want to do with my life. Why do I worry about all this stuff constantly?