I've never really thought about what I'm thinking before, there seems to be someone in the net room making alot of racket. That's OK though because this is a dorm. They are talking now, wait I can't here them anymore, wait they just started talking again. I wonder what they are talkig about, probably something unimportant. I really need to find out where the Fine Arts library is so I can do this gay reading list. I don't even have a clear understanding of what I'm supposed to do. I assume I just have to look at some art and write down my feelings about it or something. It is really annoying becuase the class is already 4 hours long. There should not be any outside work, but I guess it's not too hard, and if there are not any set boundaries there isn't any set grading material, this means that it is basically completion, much like this assignment. I really want to go to the Texas Ski Ranch tommorrow but I can't find anyone to go and it is like an hour away and it will probably take longer because of traffic because the only time I could leave would be around 5:30. I hope they have put up some pimp sliders and kickers out there. If anyone reads this and you wakeboard/wakeskate and you want to go ride behind a pimp ass Supra Launch SSV and your willing to pay gas money contact me. Because I'm always looking for other riders and other people to pay gas money except myself. My roomate is sleeping right now. I can't decide if I like him or not. I don't dislike him, but I can't imagine myself being a really good friend of his. It seem our only link is that we are roomates. He seem like a little bit of a Jesus freak and a dork. That would suck if he was reading this right now, it's Ok, he's not. But you know how some people you just feel that you have a connection with them, that you can talk to them. You know that when your aroud them you feel comfortable. You can never tell that when you just look at a person. It seems to be the strangest people that are these people that you seem to share a special bond with, that you feel completly comfortable with. You feel you can be yourself, act stupid, laugh, you become a different person when you are around those people. I only noticed that fact this year. This year has been a real year of self examination and growth for me. I don't think I have grown as much as a thinking human being in this year then any other. I don't know what spurred it, but I think I know. I know I know. It was a girl I just got to know this year, but when I realized how important she was to me and how much I liked her she was taken. In my self pity I couldn't find the strength to tell her how I felt. I think I was scared of losing the friendship we already had. I didn't want our relationship to be strained by the possibility of me having feelings for her but the feelings not being mutual. I should have just told her and gotten it out in the open. She changed my life. I got the idea in my mind that to be with her I would need to be in the same physical shape as her to have any chance of a relatinship. She was the first motivation ever that pushed me to fulfill a long time goal of losing wieght and getting in shape. I still think about her and I know in my heart I will pursue her the next oppurtunity. The weight loss brings to mind another point that I have noticed about people. For as much talk that there is about inner beauty and all that shit, It's bullshit general (bulshi