The kitchen is so sterile and cold. I must say that this is a bit intimidating; writing your thoughts down on an electronic module for someone else to analyze and decide who you are. My mom keeps looking over at me. I can tell she wants to talk to me but I am avoiding her glare without trying to seem rude. It's really making me sad that I have to move back home from living on my own. I hate not having a space that is mine and I always feel like I am hurting someone's feelings with my disinterest in their daily lives. My dad calls like 5 times a day it seems whenever I am home and that creeps me out. I hope I don't end up like that. Very clingy. My feet hurt. I wish I could go change shirts because the kitchen is so cold and this tank top is not doing it for me but I am filling out this what-ever-you-call-it. I wonder what people make of me in general. Im sure their impression of me on paper is a bit different that in person. That makes me sad. I think I come off as more uptight than I actually am although I still seem like a hippy no matter how hard I try to suppress my bohemian leanings. My hair is so short I can feel the cold air on the back of my neck. It is so like my dad to keep the tempature of the house so friggin' cold during August that I want to dethaw in the heat. Susannah seems to have gotten along fine without me this last week and a half now that she has moved into the co-op. It hurts my feelings that she only cares about me when she has no other better option. I am her best friend though but still, I hate feeling like the backup. I am not the backup for Ian, however. He is so sweet. I can't believe he decided to drive all the way down from Colorado to come visit me. I miss him so bad and it hasnt even been a month yet. I feel like a hormonal boy, this is how much I miss him. Kissing is never the main part of our relationship definately but my body seems to be confused as to where he has gone. Where has he gone? I really don't see the good reason for him moving off to Colorado though and not even immediately starting college there. I know that whole band thing but I really think it has a lot to do with his family. Between those two huge families, god, that boy doesnt stand a chance as far as an independant existance. His mom, Kathy, is so fucked up though. I can't believe she left Jay for that abusive asshole. I hate that guy so much; such an ass. I am tired and I will be pissed off if Shyla doesnt call me back soon. She is leaving for Dallas tomorrow and has put off seeing me for two long of a period. She is no longer my best friend and I am no longer hers but she, for some reason, cannot accept this and instead always makes it out like I am rejecting her or something when this is not the case at all. If anything it is the other way. She totally ditched me this summer and then has the audacity to claim  I am pushing her away. Ouch. Good thing we really arent close anymore or else I would want to cry. I can't wait to see Ian. Saturday night or Sunday morning? I wonder when he will come in. It would be so cool to have him come into the Cafe while I am working and surprise me. Well, I guess it wouldnt be a surprise if I secretly expect/ hope for it. I was so nervous today in Italian. God, can I type fast. My hands just can't seem to keep up with my thoughts. Much  like my short legs can't keep up with my stride and thus, I walk in fast short steps, very embarrassed. Ian's long legs are a hoot next to mine. I think he is a whole foot taller than me. We also weigh the same. Talk about weird. He is skinny and I am   vuluptuous  . I hate that Clint thought that feminists were all whiney bitches. That's just like saying all Christians are homophobes. Simply not true. Damn, the phone just rang and it was my mom. She calls me even on her errrands just to tell me that SHyla called. How more nosey, clingy and in general annoying can you get? I am tired of mom and dad always calling every second they are away. Those are two people who do NOT need cell phones. My fingers are cold. Sometimes I wonder if I have bad nerves or something because my fingers and toes are always cold it seems. I am so nervous about my Italian One class. All that pronounciation in front of strangers and an intimidating teacher. It freaks me out to an extent that I can hardly even mutter prego. I am such a shy socially inept dork but I love it all the same. Okay, I was just imformed that the 20 minutes are up. Goodbye. For now. Until you enter my thoughts again.