Right now I am sitting in my dorm room and I just got off the Internet with my old boyfriend, Matt. He is still in Plano and I feel as if part of me is still there with him. The worst of it all is that he has a new life now and he is finding new people and new things to do. Since he is doing this he has found every way to make it very clear that I am not to be a part of this new life he is enjoying so much. Although there is no room for me in this life there is plenty of room for tons of other girls that understand what he is going through. I don't really think that it is fair for him to expect me to just sit here and let him make a new life for himself that I am not in, but he does not seem to understand that because the only circumstance he sees is that I am in college in Austin and that my life must be better than his so there is no need for me to be a part of his boring life in Plano. I pretty much do not think that Austin is that great and I would trade being in college to be with him in a heartbeat. I do not think that he is being fair, sympathetic or a good friend to me at all. He doesn't seem to understand that college is a scary thing and that it really helps to know that there is someone there for you that is a steady constant in your life during a time of constant change, such as this one. He just doesn't understand, and he just doesn't really care. All that he really cares about is that he is having a good time, which obviously cannot involve me. The only thing that he can ever see is that I am in college and that there is going to be so much distance between the two of us. The only thing that he seems to able to do about this is to put even more distance between the two of us. This really bothers me. And the worst of it is that I have been gone for a total of seven days and he has already found a way to replace the void I have left in his life. It makes me feel very wanted to know that I can be replaced in seven days. And the worst of it is that I totally want to be with him every moment of every day and he just doesn't want to be. I feel that if I were to come home for a weekend that he wouldn't even have the time to see me because he would be so busy with some other person. He doesn't even have the time to talk to me for five minutes yet he has time to go to bible study for three hours. He doesn't understand how unwelcoming that college is and how much I would like to have someone right now that really wants me to be there and that really cares about me. This whole situation is very difficult because we are so far apart and there is no way to see each other and there is no way to make him see how much I care about him or how much I really want to be a part of his life. And on top of all of my turmoil with him, I also had to go through rush this week and not get into a sorority. This all makes me feel very wanted and liked by others. So basically my first week of college has been pretty good. I am sick, I have all eight o'clock classes and I am not a morning person, I have been replaced in the life of one of the few people I have ever truly cared for, I have been cut by sororities even though all of the girls in my town have joined the houses of their choice, I live in a really tiny old dorm with a bunch of weird people, and I have broken the brand new portable telephone in my bedroom. Oh well, it can only get better form here, right?