I'm curious to know whether or not there is or isn't a timer in this program and if it were possible to just quit typing and claim that 20 minutes have passed. My thoughts and emotions concern my future and what I'm going to do. Do I really want to be a psychology major or am I just saying that because it sounds cool. I want to counsel, but id really like to make a ton of money. Maybe everyone is right, I should be a business major, that's what everyone else is doing. But I don't want to deal with  that crap for the rest of my life. I think its boring and stupid. The future is such a difficult concept to ponder. Sometimes I have different goals for it. should I try to satisfy myself, friends or family?  I mean it when I tell my friends that I want to be a professional wrestler, it looks so stinking fun. Just jumping around and bad acting. Well, an acting career would be nice too, but I'm to shy and insecure for that. I think I could do it, but I wouldn't want to associate myself with the thespian weirdoes. I don't think id be able to be my best if I had a problem fitting in with  weirdoes. Maybe I'm the weirdo. nah. probably not. I may be stereotyping them, but, hey, they're weird man. I've seen the way they act. They put the stereotype on themselves. I'm sure there's a couple nice ones though. I wonder if all the famous actors were at one time like that. My mind just drifted to Tricia. She sent me a message saying that she had a couple of dates this past weekend. I wonder how true that is. Of course its true, but its weird how she never dated in high school and then all of a sudden at A&M she's a hot item. I still think about that monster crush I had on her my sophomore yr. I wonder if she liked me too. Everyone thought she did. But I never had the balls to find out for myself. I'm going to regret that for the rest of my life. I'm such a fucking pussy. The same thing last yr. If I had the balls, I think I could have got something started with  Erica at Baylor. Instead, now, we're just good friends. I could have used some support too. But that fucking Ray would have been too jealous if Erica and I got something started. That prick, I think he could've hooked me up with  Courtney too. But he needed her, if not, who would he use to cheat on his girlfriend???  Then her roommate, Darla, man, she's such a little bitch. The thing is, she's not even pretty man. Its okay to be snobby and bitchy if your hot, but she was an ugly little girl, with  nothing to show for herself. Amazing how she was dating all the time. Then her fucking attitude about how she has the perfect mate in mind, but wants to date, because its part of the  college experience. Ray thought like that too. That's such a fucking crock man. As Christians they shouldn't be thinking like that. if this almighty god already picked out the perfect mate for them, there is no reason for them to date around to have fun. They love justifying things. There is something wrong with  what your doing fi you have to justify it man. And then ray went to that Mexico trip to witness to a bunch of poverty stricken Mexicans. Its funny how he couldn't convert me to Christianity in 9 months, but he thinks he can do a whole Mexican community within a couple of weeks. I guess its easier when you feed them and shit. talk about taking advantage of people. Why don't these gung-ho Christians go witness to the people who really "need Jesus"  They should make mission trips to Washington D. C. and talk to the politicians. they're the fucking sinners man. and the business people too. they're the ones fucking this world up. working for Satan. They don't want to witness to them because they're smarter than them, and they can't find a way to take advantage of them. Christianity is fucked up sometimes. Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite for going to CBS, but if I didn't I wouldn't know anyone. They're nice and I enjoy being there. But most people there have less of a commitment to god than I do, so oh well. I'm glad I'm at UT though. its way better than Baylor, god, I used to get so depressed there. but I'm proud of myself, I toughed out that bullshit. I miss a lot of the guys though. It was a different sort of friendship, but it was cool. I still wonder if I would've stayed if my 1st semester was like the 2nd. but then again I was about to go crazy towards the end. Jesse and Miguel. and big John almost killed me!!  I hope I date here. I think that's all I need to be happy. a good woman. I'd like to have what lijay has, or anything really. I think I'm the only one in our click rite now without someone to "talk to". times up. .