Its hard to think about what to write of when you are told to, although maybe its hard because things have become more difficult as of late. It must be the typical freshman story but even though we all try to be so different when we come here we all end up in the same boat. It so much like high school its hard to believe, we'll the social part of it is anyway. Sometimes I wonder what I would do if there weren't music in the world. At times it seems to be the only thing that keeps people together, although you never hear many people talk about it in that light. What is even more interesting is how depressing and sentimental most of these essays will be. I wonder how many people will write about how depressed they are and how no one really knows the real them and how hard it is to wake up in the morning. Its hard to differentiate between what is real and what is a line out of a movie that someone is saying these days. So maybe that's why everyone tries to be different. I really don't know. But as everyday passes it seems like people lose a sense of the beauty in the world. There isn't anything much more beautiful to me than the sunset or just sitting outside. I find shadows especially beautiful, I'm sure that it holds some underlying meaning to it that I find shadows pretty. Something about how since I like them that I feel that I'm in the shadows of life, but maybe I am. I just feel more alive sometimes when I sit outside in absolute stillness and let everything live around me. I feel as if I'm living with it. Strange I know, but true. I have always felt that if I were to die I would like to die lying in a field in the afternoon listening to music. I have a picture by Monet that reminds me of a field that was behind my house when I was younger. It seems that those times were so much better than times are now. I wonder if I'll ever be as happy as I was back then again someday. And I'm not alone in that thought. Responsibilities just keep piling up day by day and I just wish that there were a break. It would be nice to be a rock star someday, I feel that if I were up there on stage that I would be so much happier. But I know that I probably would feel the same as I do now. I need to do something that will get me recognized someday, I feel as if I'm destined for fame somehow. But as it is now I feel like I'll end up in a dead end life like most others. I know that most say that there are many other things that make life worth living even though they have a job that they hate. But I would rather be a bum then have a job that I hated. I would feel like I sold myself out in someway. Transcendence is something that has always interested me. Mostly the idea that I could transcend life and become something greater than it. The way the words come off ones tongue when they say that makes me feel warm. I envy authors that have a mastery of language. It would be awesome to write something that when people read it they would be overcome with emotions. Hopefully I'll make enough money in my life that I can stop working and spend all my time making music. I just wish I had the balls to become a musician and do what I want, but if I do I feel like I'll be a failure to all those that I've told that I'm going to be a doctor and what not. Its a nice business its just that there isn't much recognition in it unless you put your whole life in it. And I don't think that I could put my whole life into it since I don't think I would enjoy it.