ahs10/essays-big5 huggingface dataset:
Calaculus is thr one road block in my college education. It's not that I hate math, I would much rater deal with numbers than people but I'm pretty bad at both. I giot my roomates girl friend to help me with tonites HW. Turns out I got the all right but did them totally wrong. I guess this is stream of consciosness. Hey the new Cris Cornell video is on! I loved soundgarden but Cornells neew stuff just dosent have that bite. I probably liked them beacause Matt Cameron, Sound gardens drummer, was an early inspiration to my own drumming. I love to drum. I'm happyi live in an apartment so my roomates and I can just play. I cont think id be able to play in a dorm! I read a couple books that worked along the stream of consciousness angle, but I always think of a comic my friend wrote  when I hear. he draws an exellent japaneese style comics or books I should say, on VERY sexual themes, hey there cool pretty funny to. On his website one time he did a 12 page thing on his own emotional problems. he protraied his conciousness as litte lizards and naked chics inhis head. it was hellously intaspective. I CAN'T SPELL. Its been 10 Minutes. This isn't so bad. Not boraring topic to write on and this will probably never be read so blah blah blaeh. I like the fact that most of my profs. like the internet. this is great no worrying about turning thins in. I'm always on my computersince I am a true computer nerd. that is of course why this is so late!! Hey a sound garden video is on! hey my writing is  coming back in on itself! I've alredy gone through one cigarette. I don't some much usually just after a big meal and at parties. I hate the tobacco companises but that is a EXtreemly shallow argument since I've given them a bit of cash! I hate people who have that kind of mind set. I don't like myself to much so I guess it works out. well now I really hope no one reads this  20 minutes HA ah!!
Will I survive? That is what I am thinking about right now. I am here because someone gave me money to live in this dorm, go to classes, and actually learn about something that will be of value to my self and my community. Pressure. Everyone is depending on you. focus, is what I need ot keep sstudying and do homework every night. there is Spanish, Math which I already should know because I took calculus and made an A except I didnt remember a thing. I slacked off my senior year and abondoned my whole work ehtic. Sad, for me, because staring over is a pain. How ami going to make my lazy but become dedicated to my sutdies again? I am still dizzy from my long 11 hour nap. I want to shut out the world and just go to sleep, but that is too easy. How will I survive, how will I support my family? No, I wont sleep. I will finish this writing assignment. Then finish my pre-clculus, aftter that Spanish, then I will read my psychology book. My wrists are starting  to hurt a little. I have not typed in such a while. it feelslike theyre going to go stiff on me like the way they do when I'm doing curls and I can't make another rep. Today is chest day. I have tofollow this new workout program called periodization. I'm kind of hesitant because it seems like I will be losing some of my hard gain that I have achieved. Gregory gym sucks. Its always so crowded so how am I supposed to get a good waorkout? on the other hand the female persuasion is very represented. But that si also a distraction. Boy I have 160 dollars to live on for the next 2 months and I am worried that I might starve or something. I hate being hungry. it is the worst feeling ever. I could never be homeless. It is too hot inTexas to be abeggar. Iwould haveto move to Ohio or somewhere cooler. poor homeless people! Well my back is starting to hurt on my right side. I think it is because of the way that I slept. since I've been here all I do is listen to music that I slisstened to back home.
311, I never actually listened to them. man my eyes itch. wow, Im supposed to be typing instead of talking to Arturo. Man, this song is so melodic and soothing. It reminds me of sandy beaches and sunshine. Well anyway this is college, dorms filled with all of the decor of people's personalities and homes from their towns. Sometimes I wonder why people are the way they are. It's quite complex and difficult, but I'm sure their environment had a lot to do with their personalities and social qualities. I truly believe that social qualities mean a lot. People need to understand that everyone is different and because, don't read this  Adan. The song has changed into a classical melody and by the same band, oh no, Tool. Music, is a language everyone can speak. You can't go wrong with music. It's a huge part of my life. wow, Aenima ( tool song) is redone with orchestra instruments. Aenima is an interesting song about Armageddon. Speaking of Armageddon, is God going to come to Earth, or Jesus for that matter. Biologically, we are just organisms living out our lives. And for what?  To not sin and go to heaven?  There are so many religions out there, I mean, controversy is going to be a given. Why is John reading this. Is he interested in what is on my mind. Well anyway, Respect for other's religions is something I find extremely important and essential to understand at the University of Texas at Austin. Instead of looking at a muslim and saying   holy shit what's up with that   just think to yourself how they see your religion and judge yourself. Live, and let live. Have respect. I feel as though people close to me in my home in Rockport do not realize the respect I have for them. They never realize, is this the same orchestrated song by tool, hold for 1 sec please. Alright some middle time AFI, their a gothic punk band, that can be described as purity in darkness. They are one of my favorite punk bands. Sometimes I wonder what the lives of Davey Havok and Afi are like. They seem as though they are really nice people. Having taken a picture and briefly and nervously talked to them. Yeah Bob Marley, a legend. Now thats good stuff. I mean who doesnt like Bob Marley?  His music flows through your body like the many pints of blood do. You just want to sit back and enjoy a nice beverage, for me preferably corona and a nice tequila of some sort. Not partying or whatever; it's wierd how we use party as a verb. Buffalo soldier in a war for America. Bob Marley used his fair share of pot, but he did not die from it. Who dies from cannibus?  Is it really that bad?  Should we legalize it? Nevada's police force seems more concerned with other crimes than Marijuana. Personally,  I believe marijuana is better
Boy am I hungry right about now. I sure do miss mom's cooking, even though the whole eighteen years I've been eating it, I thought it was gross. Computer are cool. Internet is awesome. I like being a guinea pig for psychology class. Jester food stinks. Man I really hate it. However, the pizzas okay. Wu tang is cool. I wish I hadn't lost the CD. Racquet ball looks interesting. I want to play intramural Basketball. I wish I had a Car. I wouldn't mind having an S-Class Benz. Is twenty minutes over yet?  Guess not. I love UT. I love                                        Bevo. I don't really miss Houston that much. I could live here forever. Man, I'm hungry. I could go for some fried chicken and biscuits with mashed potatoes and gravy. I wouldn't mind have some Cajun rice with that. I want to go  jogging,  but I have too much too read tonight. I should not have registered  for morning classes. It sucks having to wake up at eight in the morning and  dragging myself to class. Wow it has been exactly ten minutes. Apples are good when they are crunchy and sweet. I miss Houston Radio stations. I can't seem to find a good club station in Austin. I miss the clubs at Houston. However, the ones here in Austin Aren't that bad. Corn dogs at Jester are nasty. So far  my classes have been easy, but I haven't had an exam yet or even a quiz. I  don't know what to expect. I had a weird dream last night. I was at a party and every one who was there was a person I had met but not really was good  friends with. However I did not feel uncomfortable,  I even felt like I had  known them my whole life. I like Cajun rice. Red beans and rice is good too. I feel like getting something to eat. I'm starving. My stomach is telling me  to run to the fridge, but my mind is reminding me that it is just empty. All I have to eat is ice cubes I made last night. Man, I'm starving!!!
I have tried on three different occasions to do my pretesting for this class and the stupid computer tells me to try again later. why should I try again later. I'm already going out of my way to come down here in the first place. my dad hasnt brought up my computer from home yet so I have to come down here when I need to get online to check my email or whatever I have to do for class. it seems that everything is done by computers these days. take this class for instance, I am handing in my writing assignment via some electronic force. I'm not actually handing in paper anymore. its all done so technically and confusingly. have I mentioned I absolutely hate computers? its not that I don't think theyre useful, its just that I'm not exactly copmuter friendly. well actually, I'm willing to be its friend, I just don't think it likes me too much. at home the only thing I knew how to do was check my email and write people back. oh yea, I also knew how to get to microsoft word and to solitaire, but that's about it. here there are so many options on what I can do, but don't they understand that by giving me all these options, theyre really doing me harm instead of being helpful. whoever made up computers must be very smart. sometimes I think about the things (technologies) that we live with and do in our every day lives, and it just boggles my mind. how in the world did that guy--I forget his name--- come up with a device called the telephone. I mean to even dream up of it and then to actually make it work. sound travelling through wires--- this is a crazy world. if the world had been populated with people with about as much intelligence as me, I know for a fact that we would be the most uncivilized dummy-heads roaming the earth. sometimes I wonder what the world would be like if there were none of these technologies. I don't think technologies is neccesarily such a bad, currupting thing. I mean, it is peolple who are inventing it. it doesn't come about on its own. like you know how some people think tv is so terrible, or those religions who don't allow light bulbs or radios in their homes because its like the devils advocate or whatever-- I don't see how some people believe the things that they do. I mean, wake up and think for yourself. who am I to talk, I'm not all perfect in the catagory of thinking for myself, but I probaly have a better sense of things than a lot of other people--or maybe not. life is confusing. that's probably why I'm taking comparitive value, contemporary moral problems, and psychology. can't wait to get to know myself better.
My thoughts and feelings at the moment reflect several important aspects of my life. Perhaps, one of the most recurring thoughts has been my progress with my academic success. I am worried and concerned with maintaining an above average status as a student. One other concern of mine relates to my commitment toward studying and learning. I fear that I will not be able to put enough effort into accomplishing my tasks in school and at home. Thus, most of the time I reflect on future and find myself greatly concerned and worried. I feel in great anguish and perhaps, turmoil. I am also very concerned about the financial needs and requirements of college. Often, I feel that college has placed a great burden both financially and emotionally on my parents. This, in turn, causes much sadness for me. Although the social aspect of my life, at the moment, is not a significant matter, I still find myself looking back at the days in high school and at the friends that I left behind. I comprehend the fact that any transition in life accompanies great distress and agitation. However, I find myself more weary and temperamental than distressed or melancholy. At times, I feel as though I have not slept for days. I feel constantly fatigued. I have always realized that I worry to a great degree; and at times that my lifestyle has dramatically changed, this aspect of my personality has in turn worsened. I see myself literally concerned about every trivial matter in life. I worry a lot about my weight issues. Lately, I have noticed a dramatic change in my eating habits. Through the past year, I was able to lose a great amount of weight and maintain it. I was also able to control what I ate in addition to exercising a great deal. However, lately I have deviated from this habitual behavior. I have gained about 10 pounds. I feel greatly out of control. I do not even have the motivation to exercise. Often, I wake up in the morning and find myself critically loathing every aspect of my appearance. At school, I often compare myself with other females and feel greatly embarrassed. My parents and my acquaintances have at times mentioned that I look better now that I am not so underweight. However, I do not perceive or comprehend their point of view. As a result, I promise myself almost every day to lose all the unnecessary weight that I have gained. I even plan a strict diet for the next weeks. However, I never follow through the plan. Although this recurring thought is truly trivial in comparison with matters concerning my education, I still cannot rid myself of the compulsive need to restrict my diet and control my eating habit. I believe that there is great tension in my life at the moment. Perhaps, this is true for a lot of students that have began their first year of college experience. Regardless of my emotional well being at the time, I still seek hope and remedy in studying and experiencing all the knowledge that college has to offer. I am sure that if I put enough effort into my academic advancement I will easily succeed in future. Nevertheless, I truly wish that I could annihilate the worries that accompany me day and night.
As I sit here and complete this assignment, I am reminded of all the other homework assignments I have been bombarded with this Labor Day weekend. Much of it is reading, and I know how important it is to keep up with it. I have learned many lessons from procrastinating. I keep thinking how this weekend is flying by too quickly. I am currently enjoying my short stay here back at home. I feel as if that in the blink of an eye, I will be back at college. When I returned home on Friday, I went to my brother's high school football game. Just being in that atmosphere brought back all the feelings of high school. Some were good and some bad, but I will always treasure the memories of going to those games and having the time of my life with my friends. My birthday is next Monday on the thirteenth, and it will definitely not be the same without all of my close high school friends. I cannot believe my birthday this year has to be on the worst day of the week. I will probably celebrate it with my family next weekend. My feet are freezing right now. I need to put some warm slippers on. Since I am writing this assignment on paper first, my hand is beginning to cramp up. However, I am beginning to think of how much I am truly enjoying this assignment. I like the way I can just freely express myself without any impediments to cease me. I feel a bit hungry because I have not eaten breakfast yet, and it is nearly lunch time. I have a familiar craving for fruit. My mom has read my mind and has just brought a bowl of grapes over to me. The taste of cold, plump, luscious grapes satisfies my momentary craving. I need to go running today because I did not eat very healthy yesterday, and I feel fat. I wonder if it has been twenty minutes yet. I think so. I better stop before I babble on forever and ever about the most randomest things.
hmmmm, I wonder how many people I a m going to meet , some persons painting her toe nails, what color? red I think not looking     I'm hearing this guy and girl talk about classes. I thought all my classes seemed pretty hard but there not. so I think I have back problems. used to wrestle, do weights now, can't squat though, back hurts to much, these beds suck ass, jesters at least. I just got a blanket, a feathered blanket, its pretty nice. Oh, and I also got some new blue sheets, I think I want to go to sleep, but I can't cause I can't go to sleep. Woah! I'm so glad I only need to do this for twenty minutes, these are all random sentences and the punctuation all wrong and I am so behind on my readings for your class. Cedric Bensons in my first class. I have noticed I don't like raising my hand because I'm afraid of being wrong. Making out in public, that is just bad karma. I met these real pretty girls but for some reasons I only want to be everyone's friend. I need an envelope, I need to pay rent wow I like nintendo, the games, how simple they are. I'm going to join the HBSA. it seems pretty interesting but I don't know about 60 bucks. COLLEGE IS SO COOL, some of these dorms smell bad though. Not as bad as my house though cause I left the stove on overnight and the whole apartment smelt like burnt pizza. I'm so tired of working. I want to stop this timer right now though. I need to pay rent. wondering if my breath smells. posters, I need a poster. something blue. laredo. I hate girls, sometimes, I guess really I'm just jealous cause they get a lot of stuff handed to them just because they are women. I want to go to the beach again, or at least move back to california. sometimes I think I am losing my mind, but then I take a few breathes. I also want to join wrestling, maybe rugby when I am older. I need to clean my room. I bought candles and I think I need the buy some more things. I have enough food though. hungry, hungry, hungry. Apartments are awesome. mannnnnnnnn. twenty minutes, this stuffs easy when you have something to write about or not when you have nothing to write. (sigh)
I just got done taking a shower in the hopes that it would wake me up so I could read the things I need to read for my classes. The shower sure did wake me up! A girl living on my floor, whom I have never seen before, took all the best shower, along with all the hot water. So it took me twice as long to take a shower, which made me mad. This anger added onto my frustration from my homework tonight. So now I am here, listening to music and writing my   stream of consciousness   because I figured that this would be the best time since I have multiple feelings in me right now. In addition to the anger from the shower incident and the frustration from the class homework assignments, my friend brought up a topic that made me recall past emotions. He recently is   taking a break   with his girlfriend, and he has been telling me that he is sad and lonely, but the break was mutual. I told him,   yeah, I know what you mean. I had to end things with a guy, but it was not mutual.  So instead of just acknowledging it and moving on, he asked questions about my relationship with this past guy. It took me a long time to forget the experiences dealing with him. Talking about them just made me a little sad. Like I said, the break was really bad, so bad that I felt like there was no one who could understand what I was going through, no one could help me because this was the way my life situation is and no one can fix it. Strict parents cannot be changed on their beliefs. Anyway, I tried to shrug the subject away by bringing up other topics, and soon enough we were laughing over some dumb internet site that he sent to me. If only I could help him out with his sadness, but I know time is all he needs to realize that this girl he's been with is not the only girl out there. A   break   from a relationship will either make the bond stronger, or one will come to the realization that a world of opportunity is out there. I am content that I have no one tying me down, but I do miss the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. If I do meet someone, then that is fine. If I do not, then that is fine too. When I entered college I promised myself that I would make smart, sensible decisions and still have fun in the process. A huge group of guy friends is way better than one boyfriend in my opinion. I have not even met at least five new people in all of my classes for crying out loud!   There are plenty of fish in the sea.  Yes, college is great so far; I recently joined kung fu. It feels so good to be doing something you love again. I had to quit due to, once again, strict parents, but now that I'm back in the sport, the stress is less. I love watching it, and there are really athletic people in the class too. Martial arts has always been a big interest to me. To be one of the few girls in the kung fu class is another bonus. Not only am I surrounded by athletic guys, I also feel like I am special in a way, like I am unique. And I am better than most of the guys already. Flexiblity and grace is key in wu shu kung fu, and I've got them both.
My roommate won't shut up. O. K. Bert. My friend Bert was just talking to me. I better drop my Geography, because that class is boring. I don't even read  the book because it's so boring. I hope I can drop it before the date where I  get a full refund. My Dad might get mad, but oh well. I think I'll go home  this weekend and work for my Dad because I need some money. I hope he's working. My hand hurts already. I can't study here. I can't wait until I get home. Sometimes I just love being by myself. Man, my friend Matt needs to get a job. It's like I'm running a daycare center. He's always at my house and he never goes to school. He just plays on my Playstation all day.
I am sitting at my friend's apartment. The guy are watching the UT vs. Rutgers game on t. v. Why do guys get such a kick out of watching this? I guess it's entertaining, but it's not all that. It's kind of cool in here. My stomach feels nauseous. I had Chinese for lunch, and I slept right  afterwards. This stream of consciousness thing is harder than I thought. I wonder why my friend is so upset about the whole internet mess. I don't think it's that big of a deal. Maybe she's just really sensitive. Yeah, she is sensitive. Twenty minutes seems like a really long time. I was trying to stay awake for the Princess Di thing on t. v. I couldn't stay up  long enough. I think it's pretty tragic. Mother Teresa died the other day. I think she's done more than Princess Di, but lots of people don't even know  she passed away. I'm really not in any mood to do this for twenty minutes. I am pausing way too much. I have a really funny taste in my mouth. I feel  like playing the piano. I wish our class was smaller. I feel like a tiny  fish in a great big ocean. Why am I saying stupid things like that?  Is this  timed?  My big toe on my left foot is sore. I think my nail goes down too  low. When is my financial aid check coming in?  I need money. I have to buy  some more books. I don't really have an appetite for jambalaya right now. That's what's for dinner tonight. I need to read chapter two. I had such a hard time reading chapter one. It was just not very interesting. Oh well. I wonder what time it is?  It feels like I've been typing away for hours. Ten more minutes to go. I wanna learn how to play the harmonica. It sounds so cool. They're still watching t. v. Is football really THAT interesting? I think it is better than baseball. Baseball, by far, is the most boring  sport in the world. How can anyone sit through 50 billion innings?  Do they actually get paid as much as I think they get paid?  I need to study tonight. Should I go to the library?  I want to, but it's so far. Why did I move to  Riverside?  I should have stayed close to campus. Sunchase was pretty fun. I wish we did this in an English class, and this was our final paper. That would be so much fun. I'm almost finished. I'm really craving Jell-O. kiwi-strawberry Jell-O. Yummy. Mmmm. Four more minutes. I can do it! I feel so dumb. Why are my toes so long?  Am I the missing link?  Arghh. I have to use the bathroom. I wonder how many people have done this so far? O. K. times up. This was fun.