Right now, I am trying to figure out how I can sign up to volunteer at the Metz Elementary reading program because I cannot get in touch with the coordinator. Anyway, I think that something must have happened to her because she has not responded to me. Now I am wooried about where I am going to volunteer and get my hours by the due date. I am watching TV and thinking about the studying that I have to do for my classes. I am trying to find a way to feel involved in this university and make my mom think that I am doing okay so that she will not worry. I am worried about my mom, sisters, and brother because I miss them terribly. I do not want to wish away the time that I have here but I think that I am feeling like there is nothing familiar around me that I can recognize. I feel a lot more calm these days, and I think that since the long session has started I feel a lot more useful and busy. Mostly, I am worried about making good friends because I feel like the friends that I left are still my real friends and that I am on some sort of vacation. I want to have a good future at this University with good classes and good friends but I think that I am doubting my ability to succeed. I wish that I could bring the people that I care about around me every once and a while because I did not realize that they were part of the strength that I had to live my life. I think about my grandmothers a lot lately, what they would have said about me being in college, and how they would have wanted me to enjoy myself and not to worry. I think that I am in a constant state of speeding up and slowing down because I do not want to get too excited about something because I may become dissapointed or upset. I think about potential disasters that could occur in my life and am always second guessing the decisions that I make. How can I be the best person that I can be without scaring myself into anxiety. I wonder about all of my friends, and what they feel like, and how they are doing and if they feel the same way. I worry that I will not feel as secure as I did at home in this big place, but I know that if I just give it time, I will feel like I belong. I am constantly aware that God is in control of my life and that I need to learn what God is trying to teach me and lean not on my own understanding of my life. I worry that I sleep to much, but I do not feel tired in the daytime, however I guess that it is necessary to get enough rest. Mostly, I feel void of emotion because I miss my mom so much. I do not feel that I took her for granted when I lived in her house but I miss seeing her persistance, and love and support. I am learning to be my own support. I wonder if she is as lonely without me as I am without her. It was a comfort to be in the house with her at the end because she was feeling much calmer and in control of ther life. I am excited to be here, and I want to count the blessings that I have because of the many people that want to be here. I want to learn to depend on myself, and not feel like the things that I want are not right for me because I am trying to learn that what I want is right for myself. Oftem throughout the day I doubt the things that I do or the feeings that I have,