ahs10/essays-big5 huggingface dataset:
it might be a good idea to join a coed frat for engineers because then maybe I will get some studying done and actually get help on my calculus from someone who knows more than I do. a bagel sounds good right now since I haven't eaten lunch yet, but not will jelly, I think I will have philly cheese instead. this place is a mess, if my roommates leave anymore of their curlers and hairdryers on the floor when I get home, I think I will have a cow. that's okay, they are great roommates, they always do the dishes and for the more part are considerate of my belongings. here on out I am going to eat healthier and exercise a bite more than I have been lately. I hope by me playing more racquetball lately will not effect my previous tennis skills. rob will die if I do get better because he hates to loss. that would be so funny if I could kick his butt in racquetball, but then he would be pretty upset. although I think I can relate to his family more than I can to him. his head is in the clouds will all of that philosophy he reads. I can't understand why someone would pick a worthless major like philosophy when all you can do is write a book or teach. why not do something with your life which you can apply and gain new knowledge from. besides I think everyone should have to take philosophy, because there are basic ideas everyone should just know, but not to major in. my roommates are home, I have to close my door. they are so loud, I think I suppose to cook tonight, looks like I need to go to the grocery. I think chicken, pasta, and some kind of bread, oh yeah, and a salad of some sort will be good tonight. I need to make sure they eat something later so lessen the affects alcohol will have on their bodies. I am so sick of drunk people anyways. all of those girls that came by last night, were all drunk by the end of that crappy box wine. anyways, it is gorgeous outside, I hope to find time to swim in the pool I haven't yet been in, I feel like I live in a resort living here, we have everything. I have a great life. I live two of the most wonderful people, I have a family who completely supports me and a boyfriend and school and everything. the little things in life for the most part I enjoy and I having freedom, enough to make any grateful person happy. and even if I don't have all these things, there is plenty to be grateful for. too many good things, great food, great wine and genuine love. although these enjoyments wouldn't be the same with the not so enjoyable things. I love life, no destination, just a journey and one that you can turn in any direction you want. life is what you want it to be. but I don't want to get caught up in idealistic idea, but should keep my feet on the. my roommate came in, no thank you. what was I thinking, oh yes. keep my feet on the ground by also being realistic, and many think that being realistic is the same idea as being pessimistic, I differ. maybe those are the people who are actually
I got to pee. I don't know how long I can hold it. Maybe I should of went to the restroom before I started this thing. Oh well, it's all good. Man my neck is still sore from lifting weights on Tuesday, and I need to lift again today, I really need to stop being lazy so I can get strong and get in shape. I hope I can get notes from the class I missed today, that's already been twice I missed the same class and we have only been in school for less than 2 weeks. Man I really need to start picking it up. It don't make any sense to send in a transcript for a scholarship when my transcript doesn't exist at this school yet. What am I supposed to do? Also transcripts are $10 a piece plus a $1. 75 if you use a credit card. It's stupid. Man my hands are starting to hurt, 20 minutes is a lot longer than I thought. I need to figure out something to do on Saturday, I mean this is Austin plenty to do, but choosing what to do is kind of hard especially when you don't have any money. I am getting tired, about to fall asleep after I finish this, but I got to do that math homework so I don't have to worry about it later. I just heard a weird sound, I think it was my stomach but I just ate so it can't be that I am hungry, maybe it is just digesting some food. Oh man another 10 minutes to go, they should have shortened these writing assignments to 10 minutes when I would be done by now. Ha ha ha, that's pretty funny, ha ha ha. I wonder what they are going to think of my thoughts, it can't be that bad, but what was up with that pre testing for the experiment requirement, it took forever and a day. Man I wish this school were closer to my home back in El Paso. I already kind of miss home, I think I might be homesick, but I haven't thrown up or cried so I am not sure. Man I still got to pee. I don't see how they say this school has the best looking girls compared to all other colleges, because I have only seen a few girls that are cute and few that are really cute, maybe I just haven't seen all of them in this gigantic school, I swear I am going to have strong ass legs by the time the semester is over from all this walking. Oh yea there is that girl that looks like Raven, now that girl looks good, I really need to stop being shy and talk to that girl. Who knows she might give me a chance, you never know. Then there is also that girl in math class, she is real cute too, but I have talked to her, but I need to get to know her better. What should I do tonight? I could play basketball in Gregory or volleyball downstairs here at Jester, so much to do so little time. I am almost done, then I can go pee, and go do my math homework in Jay & Jason's room since they have the book. That's stupid that you have to buy the Solutions Manual with the book, I just wanted a used book, but no they didn't have any. oh well it is cheaper to just use Jay's book when I need it, besides I only use it for homework anyways. Oh man this thing is over, and I really need to go to the bathroom.
I guess I won't be looking forward to this weekend. Why? I won't be going home. At least I'll be able to get some work done if I stay here. It's hard to concentrate at home because there are so many distractions. All I know is that I have to focus on my  studies. This feels weird just babbling on. I don't even know where this is even heading. I feel like such a fool sitting here typing up things on this screen that don't even  make sense. I'm stuck. Okay, never mind, I'll think of something to say. At least  I should be happy that I was able to get access to this computer. Stuck again. It's amazing how  when I'm asked to say things, I usually don't know what to say. This feels weird. Maybe the next time  I do this, I should do it in a private place, so people won't be wondering what the heck I'm doing or constantly looking over at my screen to catch a glimpse of what it is I'm doing here. Who cares anyway. I can't believe have so much work to do when I get back. Forget about that for now. I'll deal with that later. I wish I wouldn't procrastinate sometimes. This assignment is so similar to the one that I had to do everyday in my high school sophomore English class. I couldn't believe all the things I had written. I think this guy sitting next to me is getting annoyed. He's making some sort of grunting sounds. Oh well, I guess he'll have to put up with it for  another ten minutes. I'm so nervous about tomorrow. Going out to join the tennis club. I haven't played in awhile. I hope  they have plenty of extra balls because they might be losing a few tomorrow. I need the exercise anyway.
How necessary is sleep? The past few days, I have been going to morning swim practice and then my 8 A. M. classes. Is only four to five hours enough? I know that there are plenty of other students that are also recieving either this amount or even less. But is the amount of sleep affecting them to a certain degree, or can a person simply get use to it. Right now I am feeling somewhat tired, but know that I have enough homework to get done to stay awake and complete. Will all of this suddenly crash down on me, or will I get use to this kind of sleep cycle.      Also I wonder if I am organized enough to do well in most of my classes, not just to barely. Are my notes as good as they should be or should I be taking more during class? I write down most of the important or interesting points that the professor comments on, but do I need more details in order to do well.      The past few days I have recieved two different parking tickets, that I thought were unnecessary. I double checked all of the signs in the area, and even asked the front desk of my dorm, concerning that location. The signs indicated that I wasn't parked illegally, and the front desk said that it was perfectly alright to park there, if I could find a spot. But after two different parking tickets from the exact same spot, I guess I now have to pick a different location. I wonder though if the tickets will be able to be dismissed because of the lack of indication for this site. I wrote a couple of e-mails to try and appeal both tickets, but have recieved no word back. The front desk said that the people in that department would only drop one of the tickets, if either. This is mainly because of the lack of evidence that I have, which I think is incredibly stupid.
I wonder if the more you study the easier it becomes to study for longer periods of time, like a muscle becomes used to extended strenuous activity. . I met this great looking girl at a frat party the other night(I am a kappa sig. )and I asked her to go to the rice game with me, she said she would, I went to her dorm too. she is really nice and amazingly beautiful. about thirty minutes ago I saw her going up the elevator with another guy, I wonder constantly what she thinks about me or if she does at all. Not that I'm upset a great deal or anything, I mean I hang out with girls all the time that are just friends, maybe he was like that with her. I hope so, don't mean to sound obsessed. I actually prayed last night for the first time in a long time, it felt good, I mean I believe in God very strongly even though I don't live the perfect Christian life by a long shot, sometimes I feel bad about praying because of what do (Namely drugs and partying). deep down I know that God wants me to talk to him all the time but its like facing a nun when you're stoned. (personal experience). like looking unto something that's holy (or perfect) and knowing that you're heart and soul aren't really of any comparison to theirs. I even asked God to help me "get" this girl I like so much. seems a bit childish in some ways, but I think he will let happen what's best for me. College has been so overwhelming so far, I just seem to keep going with what's happening in classes and my obligations to the fraternity, I think if I slowed down, and had time to think I might become a little more anxious but so far I've coped alright, I'm a pretty laid back person, not too much gets to me. the key I think to dealing with transitions like this is having good friends, I've got this girl from back home that I hang out with a lot. she is very cool and down to earth and I respect her a lot because she respects herself, and she is willing to talk about anything, sometimes more than I'm comfortable with, but she seems to know when something is into my risk side of conversation. .
god I can still remember it. the last time we did that was at our graduation party. one of our friends that night was a real bitch. the party even though their were 4 of us had to have it her way. but she is going to live ion McAllen for the rest of her life and  of course the next time I will see her is when she is taking my fast food order  I am so happy to be here the guys are a big improvement from where I'm am from  tall and cute a real McAllen novelty. oh and the cafeteria guy is the best so far. this Friday I have instillation for apo. I hope I have a good guide. the person I liked left this week my friend still has her guy I had a good time at the football game although I had to relearn all the cheers I had a great time  I finally got my disco ball to work I would love to put on some relaxing music and turn it on  I could really use some me time right now I would love to have more than 10 minutes free at a time and more that twice in one day. of track roommate is here so the topic is toes my feet are retarded the littlest toe kind of curls under good the air just clicked on I really hope to have a good time this weekend I hope their is another party I had a great time this past weekend. the parties were a lot of fun is time up yet god I hate ok don't hate it but dislike it its playing right now and boy does it all sound the same only eight minutes left I wonder how my brother is its his first year in high school he didn't even get any of my teachers,  he never does I hoped they would give him a hard time but no luck I am so tired yawn dinner was good haven't had micky d's in a while I tried not to eat today but finally had to take out the time to eat tomorrow should not be that long of a day I am going to relax and watch TV I need to go to Wal-Mart and get foot things for my shoes yawn I hope someday I get to check my mail soon we still have no either net god two weeks and nothing just trying to make time to do this  is a big problem without a working computer. I hope I get to see the cute guy tomorrow I hope I don't fall asleep in arch and society two more minutes left my poor friend got grabbed by a guy today and I am proud to say she broke
Right now I am really hungry. I would go eat right now but I am going to run with the marathon team tonight. I ran cross country in high school and was pretty good but I did not run during the summer. Lets hope I'm still in shape. Probably not, I'm going to have to start back at the beginning with two or three miles and work my way up again. This stream of consciousness in not fun. My thoughts are coming out too fast for my to type. It's like when I'm writing an english paper. I'll get a great idea in my head then not able to write it down fast enough and I forget it. Good thing you aren't checking spelling and punctuations and stuff life that. I hate typing on the computer, well not typing but talking on the computer. The I'M stuff instant messaging. My roommate keeps asking me questions while I'm doing the writing. She talks on I'M all the time. She spends more time in the room on the computer than I do and that's hard to do. She wakes up in the morning and turns on her computer to see if anybody is online that she can talk to. It's 8 o'clock in the morning does she really think anybody is going to be on. I never liked talking on I'M and I've tried to. I think many of the things I say are sarcastic and it is hard to show that what you are typing has a sarcastic tone. So I pissed of a few people even though I was being sarcastic. And it could be that I am quiet and don't talk that much unless it's about sports or something. I'm weird, I think I'm the only girl in the dorm that likes to watch football and other sports. I have always liked to watch sports. And I pretty much know that I am the only girl that likes to play football on play station 2. I've always liked playing video games. Like right now I have Grand Theft Auto Vice City on my computer. It is a lot of fun. I love playing. I see it as a stress relief for me. When I had a hard day I'll start play the game run from the cops then feel better. I am able to do things in the game that I would never do in real life. I would never be stupid enough to run from the cops in real life and that's why I like to do it in the game because I can and will not get punished for it. The people who go around saying the game should be band because it is violent and gives people bad ideas make me mad. Even though there are people in the game you can tell they are fictional. All the cops look the same, all the pedestrians look the same. You can tell that this is not real life. If you are running from the cops in the game you can drive around and pickup police bribes which lowers your wanted level and less cops chase after you. Now I know that does not happen in real life. There are clear distinctions between the game and real life. I know those distinctions and would not cross them. Some bad apples that were probably high or drunk anyways that ran from the cops and blamed it on the game should not ruin if for other who think the game is fun.
I feel as if my life revolves around a world full of unanswerable questions. I cannot seem to find what it is that I want out of life. There are so many options and turns where I can easily decide to follow, but I am so inconsistent of what I truly feel passionate about. I wake up in the morning and step outside of my dormitory daily smelling the fresh air. Everyday it seems as if there is something I have not witnessed before. I need answers to my life. I am a person that does not go through the day easily without understanding why things are the way they are. I am a first year student at the University of Texas and I have been bombarded with hundreds of organizations and choices that will lead me somewhere in the next few years. Not only academically has this burden faced me straight on, but I am confused about a girl I have met as well. As with the hundreds of organizations, there are hundreds of girls I see in and out of my classes. Do I really want a relationship so soon? And further, can I handle a girl that is apart of the Greek system knowing that I will never have a desire in joining one in the future? It is so hard to choose a path when you analyze your choices to death. For instance, if I decide to discontinue dating this wonderful girl just because I will not be able to tolerate her constant consumption of alcohol and nightly partying with other fraternity guys, will this decision have been the most appropriate one? Or is it possible I may be a bit too judgemental of her capabilities of being a loyal girlfriend? In addition to my social life, I have to maintain some arbitrary schedule which will be beneficial for my personal needs. Like many others, I have been set loose from the world I used to know and I am on a path where I control my line of travel. It is realistic yet frightening at the same time. All my life, choices have been easy. And if I was faced with an extenuating circumstance then I always had the parental feedback to support my decision. I am creating a life. It is not just any life; it is mine. I am on my own. I have waited for this moment for a long time. And now, I do not know what to do with it. Is this normal? Have I overlooked something? Is it humanely possible to beg and plead for an entity such as freedom and once it has been acquired to not desire its power as much? I am eager for the future and ecstatic for what is yet to come. I hope I am joining the right organizations that appeal to me. I also hope I will stay academically strong as I was in high school. And further, I hope I will have made the right choice with the girl I met. I have faith that I will be led in the right direction.
right now I am feeling tired and a little burnt out. I have had a quiz and a test this week so I ve been stressed out. I haven't taken my chemistry test yet so I'm nervous about that. I have studied but I don't feel prepared. It's cold in our dorm room right now. It's cloudy outside which is how I feel about certain aspects in life. I'm not sure I will accomplish my goals in life. Though I know that if I give it my best effort that there is nothing more I could have done. No one is in the room other than me so I'm feeling a little lonely. Not too much though. Sometimes it is nice to be alone. I have always enjoyed being alone everynow and then. I feel like I need to relax. I didn't get tickets to the game this Saturday so I'm pissed about that. I did get tickets to the OU game though so that made me happy. I like to listen to music. It also helps me to relax. I'm listening to music right now as a matter of fact. I have a heavy course load, though not too bad. I know that if I quit that I'll regret it for the rest of my life. I think regret is probably one of the worst feelings in the world next to loneliness. Loneliness you could almost always fix, but regret is much harder to deal with. Time is going by too slowly, I think I'm running out of stuff to talk about. It does feel good to get your feelings out and onto something like paper. Sometimes I think it would be better to write out all your feelings on paper so that someone wouldn't have to sit there and listen to you bitch about your life all the time. But other times that's exactly what you need. My favorite TV show is Scrubs. The main character portrays me down to a T". Watching Scrubs is another way I relax. I'm not necessarily worried about my chemistry test, or at least not to the point of where I'm dreading going. I know that all I can do is my best. I know I've talked about this but I love music. I can feel it in my soul when it plays. I can feel the song. I can feel the notes, the rhythms, all of it. I can close my eyes and just get lost in a song. It's weird, I know. My time is almost up. I'm hungry. It seems like now that I'm thinking about how hungry I am that it is taking longer to finish than it did before. I'm writing this at 9:15 a. m. That's not necessarily early in my book but it is definitely too early to do this. I have a lot of reading to do. I'm happy to be at UT. It's what I have wanted to do all my life. I want to be a doctor. A heart surgeon actually. It seems like its going to be tough. Which is no surprise. I need to buckle down more. Next week, It starts. What is it you ask? It is me buckling down and going hardcore on my classes. 2 minutes left!  This was easier than I thought it would be. 1 minute left. I almost forgot to write this. That would have sucked and I would have been pissed. But I remembered so I happy. I feel better writing down all this.
Simply amazed that someone has seen to it that I make it this far without more than what I have experienced that is comparable to adrop in the bucket considering that sometimes I could give a damn about what is best for me for the simple fact that I'm in it for the everything I can get only at times it's entirely too much to compute at once. boy, where has the trrain of thought gone to? Maybe it left to another place out of sight but never to be out of my mind becaause it seems to me that I'm already there. I suspect that everyone else is in their own way. that's why we are told everyone is "special" when we ae too young too know exactly what that means. I'm glad payed attention that day. Uh oh. here it comes again. jealousy rears it's ugly head signaling for the dogs who are  no less guilty of the crime than the one they persecute with their fingers crossed in vain hope wanting our hero to sacrifice his integrity for ideals of what was considered to be right by those who were so afraid of what it was they were dealing with that they confined themselves to an ignorant prejudice. well them fools can stay there and pray they never realize exactly what they're missing until it has already become a haunting unidentifineable thorn in their calloused side. Brains bruised with ignorance rather than blessed with memories of the world they restricted themselves from and feared to the day they wished they had not been such pussies. I cannot pity them, I have no time to devote thought to their rancid exsistence. I have my own to look after. I'm here know and those who would seek my friendship will have it. and those who seek my love will find it. and those who desire my trust and confidence shall not betray it or I shall strike down upon them with the fury of a thousand chained hatred's fire until their very soul.