words are pouring out like endless rain into a paper cup they (?). but I like to use     periods. before, I was tempted to say, last night my ears met their lover. too bad they     didn't. haven't?  I just wanted to use that nice quote I stole from an editor of epitonic. I     have an hour till I have to go to LINK but I really don't know about this whole Christian     organization on campus thing I need to find one that fits me!  oh thoughts and feelings     sometimes I stare out at nothing in particular and it's in those times that I am thinking     about absolutely nothing oh I just got a call. but I'm still typing!  darn you booksellers call     back after nine thirty. I wonder if typos make a difference because I don't like leaving     them behind like that, so careless. So, I need to get a haircut. But how do I know which     kind?  You know, some people just look good no matter what. I think it's a level of     achievement that I will never reach. Oh well. What if people were the same inside and     outside?  Like, for example, if all the pretty people were extremely good souls. Now that'd     make things different. I can't really imagine what it'd be like, because I'm so busy thinking     about what I should write next. Man, what should I pursue?  My stomach is really full. I     used to think that if I ever smoked, I could quit anytime, just because it seems so gross. Well I can't even moderate my eating habits. And I bash myself about it, but when hunger     calls, I respond. In full!  So yeah. Sometimes I fear for my safety when I'm walking around     at night. Nothing ever bad has ever happened but I think I should still be careful. But I     don't think so enough since I'm going to do it tonight anyway. I'm going to watch the     Goonies at the Texas Union Theater. Theatre. Yeah. Hey. I wonder if I'm going to make     any good friends here at college. It's bad hanging out with old ones all the time, and     believe me, sometimes I just don't want to. Excuse me. I just sneezed. What if I do really     think in sentences?  I think I have a cold. My nose is rubbed pretty raw (well, not really)     from all the tissues. I'm not thinking about anything. Actually, what I would like is to     complete everything I need to get done soon. I don't know how possible that might be but     then that would leave me time to do leisurely activities, like reading and responding to     other people's e-mails. I'm so bad at that. And so I could have time to read the Bible and     pray. Ah, I cannot control what I do, or at least I'm not trying hard enough. It seems so     easy to be a good Christian when the pastor is talking about it but then laziness gets the     best of me. Oh I can wait. You know, I don't want to think I'm invincible. I want to make a     difference and experience life fully. The things I am most scared about now: public     speaking. I just want to die when all eyes are on me- the bigger the audience, the more     humiliating. You know, it's not like I can control how I feel, to an extent at least. I am also     afraid of getting into a car accident because my close friends just did and it seems     unbearable, the time in the hospital spent recovering. So many tubes. I'd cry out. And I'm     afraid of falling off my bike or getting into some other bike related accident. It's not so     much the pain that bothers me, but the public scene it would cause. How embarrassing. Oh well. Sometimes I don't care what other people think. Sometimes I wonder what they     think of me. When I'm shy, I tend to come across as being mean. I haven't really opened     up to anyone before. Why should I if I don't trust them or if I'm not sure that they care     about what I feel or think. I think I'm good at observing people in their behaviors. When     I'm talking to someone, I can tell if they lose interest in what I'm saying. At that very     moment when they look away for a second. I don't feel bad when that happens but it just     makes me lower the probability of me finding someone or some people who can connect     with me. I know. People need people. And I need a tissue right now. Is this going to be     read?  If it is, it's okay. I don't know if my thoughts are interesting, but it would be a fun     thing to grade. I feel like I'm spending less quality time when I'm reading out of my     textbooks. I want to go back, but then I just get this feeling of urgency. Even when I'm     surfing the net. Imagine that. What do I have to do anyway?  What's the difference     between an erection and an ejaculation?  I think I might know, but it doesn't matter so     much to me. I don't like it how professors can say whatever they want to say, like curse     words and sex related and other inappropriate topics. Just because they can talk about it     doesn't mean they should. Sheesh. I also don't like how repeated exposure to talk I don't     agree with and cuss words will desensitize me to it completely, probably by the end of the     semester. Here I am in college and I don't know everyone but a lot of them are making me     less pure. I don't think they realize what they're doing to the rest of us. What rest of us,     you ask?  I guess we are a minority then. I wonder what I'm going to do for the final     project in my freshman seminar. Either fencing, a Christian organization on campus, if I     ever find a good one!  or a concert. Although a concert might be kinda difficult since I'm     not going to one until October 7th. Yay for Beulah!  I'm so excited. When I go to shows, I     feel like I belong. I don't know anyone there, but I like to observe them. Most of them     have styles. I wish I had a style. I want to be like them. Or do I?  I want to be like me!  But,     I need to be more like me then. Maybe if I had a lot more money. I do have a lot of     money. What does being fashionable feel like?   Not as great as I think, of course. It just     hurts to see people wearing things out of fashion when they think they are in fashion. We     are the elite. At least my mind can distinguish between the two. But only street. What do     I make of myself then?  It's easy not to care, but it's not so easy to do that completely. Will     that make people like me more?  Is it easy to avoid everyone and keep to myself?  Is that     what we were meant to do?  The answer is no. What if it's different for me?  Everyone dies     alone, right Donnie?  I think I need clothes to reach the next level. Of making me satisfied. Oh, if I had a different body. No, no. That's alright then. People who know you don't care. It's the people you are trying to impress who care!  Hah. I wonder if I ever hurt anyone's     eyes. It pains me to think so. Before I left for college, at the goodbye dinner thrown for     me by my uncle, the message in my fortune cookie (or rather, one of them) was be     yourself and you will always be in fashion. "  I suppose that's valid. Ooh I can continue     writing. Maybe for a bit longer. I wonder what it would be like to be very fashionable. I     mean, come on, I already struggle against feelings of superiority when it comes to music. What good does it do?  There are always better, there are always worse. But I won't say any     more about that. You know, I can't give all of myself away    and to a stranger!         (ok, I finished editing my paper)_ do you think that this (spilling out thoughts on paper) is     healthy for all of us?  not that it's not, but compared to making no difference    I think so.