ahs10/essays-big5 huggingface dataset:
Annoyance is about the only word I can think of at this moment to describe how I feel. Today has been awful. Why doesn't anything ever work out the way I wish it would? Everything I needed to accomplish today has been a filure> I can't find a job because I can't get on a computer because me UTeId is all out of wack. I miss my friends back home and I miss being a part of my family. They just seem to go on so wonderfully without me. I guess I am the one who wanted to move out and be independent, but it'd be nice to know they all still care about me and are concerned with how I'm doing. It's so hard being so alone all the time. I wish I were making more friends. I wish I would join an organization or I wish I had rushed. Maybe life would be more fun if I were in  a Sorority. Maybe I just wasn't cut out for college. I want to be grown up and finished with college and heve my career so badly. I'm tired of just meandering around with no real purposee in my life. I want to start my real life, and I know this can't be it because I'm not happy with it. I want to fall in love and marry and have a family and a meaningful job. I just needsome meaning in my life. I don't know what I'm here for. I know what I want to do with my life, but time is getting in my way and I'm angry because of it. And I'm hungry; physically and metaphorically speaking. this cannot be the way college will be forever. It's so much worse thatn High school. It's so big. It intimidates me to think that there are more poeple on the Ut campus thatn live in my home town. I have a class that has twice as many pople than I graduated with in it. It's a real shock. It's traumatizing to go from being well known and well loved to not being either one at all. It hurts deep down and is extremely depressing and discouraging. But I shouldn't let it get me down, I should hang on to the confidence I've still got, because it's the only thing that can get me through "the best years of my life". Yeah, right.
Today I woke up really late and I had to run to class which made me tired. My math class is so easy I don't even know why I'm in it. Well actually I do it's because I'm in this FIG and that is pretty cool. It helps a lot. I don't know what exactly I'm supposed to write but I'm trying to just keep going. I know that I am happy today because my girl friend Ginger is coming to town and I haven't seen her in a week. That also includes my mother. I really miss her and I know that she is lonely. I also miss my brother and sister and even my dad. I wish I could play video games and party with my brother like we used to before I left. Speaking of partying I haven't done any of that since I came to Austin which is supposedly this huge party city. I think the reason that I haven't partied is because I have not been able to meet many guys here yet and that is usually who I go party with. I also miss my party pals from Arlington they weren't my best friends but they were a blast to go party with. I wonder how they are doing right now. I think they are probably skipping class for no reason, again. I don't know why you would skip class in high school it just gets you into too much trouble. I never got in trouble in high school until the last day when me and a lot of senior guys rode our bikes up to school and then through the school. That got us Dhall, but it was worth it because the bike thing was really fun. In fact all of high school was really fun except  no all of it was fun. It was easy there was always a party and I had a group of good friends to hang out with which made it even better. Those kids who are still there do not know how lucky they are to still be there. I mean I love college and everything but it is just way different. And living by yourself isn't all its cracked up to be. I mean I have to clean my room, do my own laundry, and stuff like that. I also think that I had good morals installed in me because I feel really bad when I party in my room, which I thought I would do all of the time. But I guess that also has to do with my roommate. He is just fresh in from India and is not that accustomed to living in America yet. But he is a lot cooler than I thought he was once I sat down and talked to him. I guess if you give people a chance most of them come through, except for the real jerks. I am listening to Prodigy right now and it is really fun to listen to I fell like writing down what it sounds like but since it is techno it would broadly be difficult for me to accomplish that. I wish that I had the musical talent and equipment to do something like that, but I have neither the time or musical capacity to really do that.
my roommate just called- she wants me to go get the vacuum cleaner from Vivian. I dont want to do this because she'll say something about my bike, or the music. and I have to tell her about the fire alarm batteries being out because it was beeping. just while I was writing this I was thinking several different thoughts. I think it's not good that I dont respect vivian's wishes. I really admire her because she's so old. I am not as nice as I used to be. it's funny to think about  writing for twenty minutes straight. but then again, we're always thinking, so why  should it be hard to write what you're thinking. it's getting easier for me to put my  into words, which is good for my relationships, and not to mention my future. I still don't talk that much though because I don't like saying something about nothing. but I guess that's a skill too. oh well- not one of mine. James and I have been getting along really well. ever since I fell asleep on his couch wishing to end the relationship because the passion was not there. then he picked me up in his arms, and took me to his bed and I must have cried for 30 minutes at least. he's so good to me. turns out the passion was dormant. for us to have fun and not argue so much, we've both realized each other's work loads, acknowledged my problems about the past, seeing how we react to each other, and respond lovingly to each other. thinking of what I just wrote sounds unnatural to me. but in reality, in this case at least, it came automatically. he realized how upset I was, and I realized how much he  cared. he's pretty much the leader. his feelings are much more dominant, and he's stronger and truer than me. maybe because I don't always know what I want. then he makes it apparent that  he's what I want. I miss being able to play the field, but what good is that when I have a really good person already?  he makes me laugh and we love, which is most  important in the person I share most my time with. men with potential, men that can show me the world. they can be my friends. like Sean. like jt. probably like any one that comes into my life- everyone has something to offer. and I will take it. James just has more than the average Joe. oooo - I've already spent 15 minutes. I should do this everyday for 10 minutes. not only is it a break from numbers, but I acknowledge my  thoughts, and I can go back and read it in the future to see my development. I want to be a model or an actor. I want the spotlight. sometimes. I want  to be a better gymnast. I dont want to be judgmental. I want a copy of this.
Great!  Just GREAT!  I already typed for ten minutes and this thing loses everything I wrote!  GERRRRRRRR! Oh well. This isn't so bad. So. Let's seee. oh that's right. My eating disorder. Okay. I completely understand this freshmen 15 deal. because I, regretfully, am a victim. Yes, I, Maria Truong, cannot stop eating. So scary. I'm assuming that this is evidence of my subconscious depression that all freshmen are supposedly subjected to. Huh. Makes sense. I suppose. Hmmmm. wwwweeelll. I'm am also allergic to Austin. I can't stop sneezing!  I think that perhaps my nose hasn't yet adapted itself to all this clean air as oppose to the humid smog of the one and only Houston. Where are all these symptoms coming from?! So college isn't so bad. Definitely a lot more freedom. The first week wasn't so bad. Must've been all the excitment. But by the end of the second week. I was craving junk food and missing home. I'm better now by the way. After we went home for Labor Day Weekend and I am all stocked up on junk food. smiles. Dang it!  Stupid fly!  Shoo fly!  Don't bother me! Okay. So school is definitely killing me. Too much to read and my lack of study habits definitely needs polishing. But seriously though. I'm a true nerd. I even have the thick-rimmed glasses. :) Wow. Twelve minutes. Almost thirteen. How many pages is this double spaced on Word?  A page maybe?  Wow. It sure does take me a long time to write stuff. No wonder it took me forever to finish those english papaer!  FULL of nonsense. Hmmm. So glad I don't have english this year. Hey!  My twenty minutes went by pretty fast!  Wahoo!  Notice how I've painstakingly wrote all this gramatically correct?  Well, at least I got the caps and punctuations down. Go me. I can't wait until Christmas. My favorite season!  Big surprise!  Summer's fun but winter wins hands down!   So I wanted to work so I could make my own money instead of bumming off my parents all the time. But all this reading is too much!  I'm STILL behind. Its funny how I'm actually trying to study now when I wasn't much of a studier in high school. Huh. My thoughts are random. oh well times up!
Well, I am just sitting here and listening to a cd, The Wallflowers Bringing Down the Horse. It is a great cd and classic rock and it kinda of makes me feel old because the cd came out in 1996. My roommate is here in the room with me talking to a friend on the phone. This song definitely reminds me of middle school. It makes me what to sing along. I am kinda of feeling lazy I don't know what it is about thursday but I already start to think is the weekend. I do have a lot to do though I need to read for my Mexican American Studies and biology. I already have a biology test next friday and I am getting a little anxious about the first test. It is hard to know what to expect from a professor until you take the first test. It is starting to get a bit cold in my room I guess I'll put on my sweatshirt. I need to make a grocery list so I can go to the grocery store tomorrow. I need to call my mom also and my friend Stephen who lives in Boston I haven't been able to get a hold of him he is really busy with school. He just started his masters in music. I need to take out the trash it is starting to smell funny and I need to clean the bathroom it is my turn this week. I am thinking about what to get my mom for her birthday and what to get my parents for their 25th anniversary. I wonder when it is going to get cooler the hot weather is starting to get on my nerves the humidity is unbearable. I wonder if it is actually going to rain today because all week long the weather people have been saying it is going to rain and then it never does. That is quite annoying yeay I am half way done with this writing assignment. ouch I just bit my lip I always chew my gum too fast. wow this twenty minutes is going by a bit slow. I want to see a movie this weekend but I am not quite sure what I want to see I better go online later to see what has come out this week. My roommate just asked me for some bread so she can make a sandwich because the cafeteria is already closed and she doesn't want to use what limited bevo bucks we do have.
This is the first time I have ever had an assignment like this before. I have never had to use the internet before, either. I wish that the computer in my room wasn't so difficult to hook up to the UT internet system. I am so tired of going to the same computer store over and over. First, they managed to sell me over one hundred dollars worth of computer equipment that I didn't need. After, that was sorted out, I had problems with the Ethernet card. Oh well, I will ask my boyfriend to fix it for me. I am so glad that he lives in Austin. I am glad that my best friend is my roommate. We always get along and we never fight. It's great because if she wasn't my roommate, then we would have a huge phone bill. So far, everything about UT is as I anticipated. I really didn't believe people when they told me that I would  have classes with over two hundred people. That came out to be half true. I only ended up with twenty or so in my English class and about one hundred and fifty in my biology class. My chemistry and psychology class end up in the same room. both are enormous. I didn't even know how to spell psychology until about three days ago. Whenever I wrote the word I always looked at the course schedule or at my textbook. Books are another problem. The co-op had the wrong listing for my biology book, and I had to go through a huge hassle to get my psych book. I shouldn't be complaining. I really love it here. I love being one in fifty thousand. I love being known as only a social security number. The atmosphere is so relaxed and go with the flow. "  I think that I am adapting well. Twenty minutes are up. s
Okay, so I am in my dorm room alone. I'm mostly thinking about how great my day was. I haven't had a day this good in a long time. Even though I had to wake up early I was rewarded by my Cotton Bowl tickets which makes me happy, because I never win anything so it's really cool for me that I was the one who drew the best number. Maybe my luck is finally coming in. I hope so. In addition to the tickets I got to see the guy who I am totally in love with twice today which was simply a gift from god because I hadn't seen him in a long time. When I started to pray for him I got to see him on Tuesday, then when I started thinking about him even more, I got to see him twice, and he even spoke to me. I just wonder what he thinks about me. I doubt that he is thinking of me right now, but when he sees me, I wonder what goes through his head. I've never had a guy be truely interested in me before, so I hope that now that I'm in college, my luck will change. Judging from my lucky number with the OU tickets, it looks like my luck is changing,  but I can't say that it was just luck, because my rededicating my life to the Lord contributed to my current happness in a big way. Actually He is the entire reason why I am feeling the happiest I have since I have moved here. I have made good friends and I get to see Joe. I just hope that I get to experience this feeling for a long time. I really am so happy, when I was walking down the street people were looking at me like I was crazy because I had this huge smile on my face. Being a good person and having faith can get you anywhere that you want to be in life, and now that I have accepted that I feel a little more at ease. Just a little though, I still worry about my classes. I just really want to do well. I need to catch up on my readings, which I will do this weekend. I just have to make myself. I also need to get my spiral back from Meredith. It really pisses me off that she borrowed my notes, and hasn't given them back yet. That is really rude and inconciderant! It's okay though, becuse now I am thinking about Joe again, so I am happy. I can't believe how happy it makes me just to think about him. I know I seem crazy because I barely even know him, but there is something about the fact that he makes eye contact with me, and that he is the only guy to ever speak to me on this campus. It just says something about him and about the way that he sees me, at least that's what I think. I just really want to fall in love. I look around and see all of these couples, and watch romantic movies, and listen to love songs, I want it so bad, that I can feel it! Something in my gut tells me that Joe is going to be my first real love, and even if it doesn't work out in the end and I get my heart broken, I feel like I'm ready. Ready to experience something.
Thoughts are constantly bombarding me since I moved here. It is a whole new world now. Time is a precious commodity that I need to manage more efficiently. I see so many different people here and I have met quite a few people these past weeks. My future is on the line now, but I am so young. So many things are tempting me away from my goals. I must get organized as soon as possible. Girls are everywhere and there are so many cool ones. I never can remember all those names. My fraternity has a bunch of really good guys in it I can not wait until pledgeship is over. Life is at it's best and worst right now. I have never been this emotionally unstable. My mind is like a roller coaster. I guess I have not adjusted to everything yet. Once I do maybe I will be alright. I do not really have a grip on all of my classes. Once again I need to get organized. Now that no one is telling me to do anything I need to work on my self motivation. I find myself thinking a lot about things that went on in high school but I do not miss it much at all. I do miss football. It kept me in shape therefore making me feel good about myself. I think about girls too much of the time. It drives me crazy sometimes. I love Austin. It is such a great city. I love the university's atmosphere. It feels good to be free. I need to stop procrastinating, it kills me. School work constantly haunts me until I finally do it. I am not really depressed or anything. Overall I am doing well. I hope I get TexasOU tickets. I would hate to miss this years game. Last game was pretty fun.
As I sat here reading the assignment, half of me read the words while the other half of me sat concentrating on my sweaty palms that I only seconds ago was rubbing. My stomach is apparently telling me that I am hungry in its own noisy language. I just went to a 50th anniversary party for my grandparents last night. I got up to speak with the other grandkids. My cousin Jaffray, who lost her mother (my aunt) about 10 years ago spoke before me about how incredibly remarkable they have been acting as her parental role models, support system, and financial suppliers. By the time the michrophone ( I do not know how to spell "mike" [I guess]) got to me. . well- I didn't get to speak. I woke up this morning thinking about what I wanted to say, and I decided that whenI finish this assignment, I will write them a note to write them what my tears prevented me from saying. That reminds me of another letter I need to write- a totally belated graduation present thank you letter. I don't feel like a complete jerk- I received the gift pretty late. I just took notice of my blistered feet. They took some serious heat from rush. My sister and I are now in the same sorority. Hopefully, that can be a tie that binds. We get along so well- when we're apart. It's kind of a shame that we lived together for so long (sometimes sharing a room) because we probably could have been the best of friends.
its 12:42 and I'm listening to an old episode of Saturday Night Live in my friends' room. I need a computer. I don't know why I didn't bring mine. I'm hungry. I can't eat because I have to type this assignment. Sharon has a lot of pictures. This is a pretty funny snl sketch. I have nothing to say. MY back feels a little sore. I'm slightly offended that there aren't any pictures with me in them. I don't want to do this anymore. I want to watch tv, instead of just listening to it. I really don't have anything important going through my head. It was nice of Sharon to let me stay in here and do this. Her and her roommate left, so I'm not even sure I'm supposed to be here. This song isn't that bad. I have never heard of the musical guest on this episode of SNL but the song really isn't bad. I really should have eaten before I started this. I'm about to pass out. Only 12 more minutes. I should call home later. I'm quite upset that I couldn't do the pretesting survey thing for the experiments. Maybe I'll try again in a little while. I want to change the channel. Some station has to be showing the U. S. Open. They just have to. I think someone keeps trying to I. M. Sharon, but I can't tell them it isn't her, because I'm doing this. I'm interested how this assignment will tell how my mind works. It should be good to know. I hope someone explains it, preferably Professor What's his name. I would check to see what his name is, but again, I Can't. Just looking around the room now. This is kind of boring (no offense). Only 8 more minutes. Cool. The only bad part is I have to stay here until Sharon and Rebecca get back because I can't lock up. There are just a lot of pictures in here. There are many of Sharon's boyfriend Jorge. Interesting that she's dating someone with the same name as me, isn't it. Snl is over and only 6 minutes until I'm done. That is a stupid picture Sharon has next to her printer. I like the opening music on this show (The Kids In the Hall). only 4 minutes left. That's good because I am still very hungry. This is very boring. I thought about using a lot of big words, but I realized that that isn't how I think so I should just stick with my sixth grade vocabulary. This isn't a very funny sketch. Phone's ringing, can't answer it. They told me not to. It's Rebecca. she knows I'm here but I still can't answer the phone. she isn't going to like this. I'm done.
I don't really know what I want to write about. I am about to start watching football. I used to like pro football a lot more, but now I really just don't care. I would much rather watch college that pro. I am downloading some music right now. I am ready for this paper to be done so that I can go and watch some football. I hope that this class isn't too hard. I don't want to really have to work really hard in this class since it is not really for my major. When I was walking to class today I was kinda regretting not dropping this class and signing up for something easier. But it will be ok, I'm just going to have to study. The other reason that I don't like that class is that I don't know anyone so everyday I come in a couple minutes before class starts and I sit down. And the only talking that I do is small-talk with someone that I don't know. That gets old after awhile, saying the same thing over and over again. IT's always what classes are you in and how's school going and where are you staying and where are you from and that kind of thing. It just gets really old. 20 minutes takes a long time when you are watching the clock. I am ready for the weekend to start. Football weekends are the best. This weekends tailgate is going to be a blast. There are going to trash arkansas fan walking by and yelling. This is getting old, because I'm am running out of ideas and my annoying roommate is making fun of me and I am about to fight him. He keeps on laughing at me and I don't like it. Here's my other roommate he is looking over my shoulder. He is not as much of a prick as the other one. I don't want to fight him right now. HE just walked out of the room. My other suitemate hasn't walked in yet. He probably won't. He is pretty weird. He sits in his room and plays video games most of the day. Other than that he just spaces out and watched tv. He doesn't party either. I feel sorry for him sometimes cause he mostly just sits in the room by himself when we are out doing stuff. I think he knows one person up here. But they don't really go out and that is no fun because I know that he is not having a good time up here. But maybe this is just the normal thing for him. He doesn't seem like he was a real social person in high school. I only have 4 minutes of typing left here so then I will be done and be happy. I'm listening to some new austin music right now. This paper is almost done, so I am happy. My friend just told me that his dad drinks o'douls, that would not be fun. My dad drinks real beer. Now my paper is done.