Wow, that psychology chapter is really long. I am so mad at myself for letting myself get so far behind already. Hello, it's only my third week of school and I am already more behind than I ever want to be. I wonder if typing on my computer bothers Gina as much as it bothers me when she does it. Do I have enough selfdiscipline to make myself catch up on all this stuff or am I just going to keep procrastinating until I absolutely have to get it done, like the night before a test. I really hope I can make myself catch up because then I can go out and have fun and not have to worry about what I have to do when I get home. I don't know why I let that bother me so much. Last night, I wasn't really having any fun at all and they all said it was the funnest party of the year. I wonder if it's because I didn't get completely wasted or if it's because I don't like their idea of fun, or if I was just in a bad mood. And why would they think there's something going on between me and Gerardo. EWW! I mean he's nice, but come on. I thought this wasn't going to be like high school. Shouldn't I be able to be friends with a guy without everyone thinking there's something going on between us? Eww! Oh, well. I hope I have more fun with them soon. I would hate to have just joined this organization that they all seen to be totally into and me just not like it at all. I want to be able to gush about how much I love it to all of my friends and family back home and the ones here. What if it turns out I hate Longhorn Singers? That would really be a shame. What if I can't find any organizations I can really get into here? Like the whole dance thing. I looked at UT Dance Team and they looked like a drill team trying to dance with really bad choreography. And the Roustabouts just seems a little too provocative for me even though I think jazz is so fun. Why does it have to be all about sex (as Bryanne says) I really want to take some kind of jazz class because I need to expand my horizons so I can move to New York or Los Angeles and be a dancer on Broadway or a backup dancer for some music artist or in someone's music video. Would it be great if I could just dance and sing and get paid enough money for it that I could live comfortably? If that was guaranteed, I'd be there in a heartbeat. I wonder if this is what I'm really passionate about. All the advisors and professors here keep telling us to find something that we really love to do. I mean I have so much fun when I dance and perform in front of people and to just learn new dances and watch myself in the mirror all day would be paradise to me. It would just be fun a job of pure fun. But, come on, who really gets to do what they really want to do. Who really wants to be a lawyer or a garbage man? People do what they do to make money and I think that's so sad, but I'm one of those people, too. Money is important to me. It doesn't rule my life but it is definitely a factor. I don't want to work my butt off at something and not get paid what I deserve or what I've earned for it. And our society is just completely out of whack. Why do basketball players get paid millions of dollars and still miss free throws? Why are teachers so underpaid? They should be some of the highest paid people in the world, I think. Because of them, we are able to learn. We would be nowhere without our teachers. That's such a shame. It pitiful that our society is that out of touch with reality. Just look at Hollywood. What a mixed up place that is, yet it looks like so much fin to me. I would love to be famous. To have everyone in the world or at least in the country know who you are and idolize you and you be a role model to them. That would be a blast. All you would do is socialize all day and make the occasional movie here and there or pose for a few magazines. Go to awards shows, and travel. I want to travel so bad and learn all different foreign languages. But I don't want to learn them part way. I want to be fluent in the way that I don't use words in the wrong context so that people in that country think I'm stupid like we do when someone can't speak our language correctly. I wonder what that would be like to change cultures. No one would know anything about you or your past. Like Ludwig. You could be a total loser/reject in our society and be a heartthrob/most popular kid in school in another country. And you're kind of mysterious because no one knows any thing about you.