Okay so now I am sitting here preparing to write a stream of consciousness writing. I wonder why I have to type that out what am I thinking of course this is what I am going to write        this music that I am listening to seems to be distracting me a little and the timer I feel very stressed out writing to a real timer I don't know why        I think I will take off my head phones    I had planned to write about a lot but for some reason I can't seem to do more than   write what my head is thinking about    for one is my head supposed to blank out like it just did I guess I can start by describing my environment lets see    the air smells like air    the back of my back is warm from the sun through the window    right now there isn't any noises and I feel somewhat stressed and anxious    the timer keeps going coldly, without a thought to whether or not I actually have a though or not and I think the seconds are scrolling faster than a real second would. maybe my perception of time is defunct    if it were possible to qualify a sigh in thought-form my mind would have just sighed    I can't believe I have to go pick up my friend later today because his car broke down, its like I have to help him but I fear that he may not help me when the same situation like this occurs to me    I just woke up and for some reason there's a sense of dread weighing down on my heart    as if I feared that I am doing this stream of consciousness writing incorrectly    I can't believe I have already written for 5 minutes, time really does pass quickly when you are trying to listen in on your own inner thoughts    but it seems as if my thoughts are triggered by what I am doing, like I cannot seem to get into any deep right now such as the existence or nonexistence of god which I was arguing quite magnificently the other day but instead here I am babbling like my mind is a stream of babble instead of consciousness and I wonder if I am supposed to be aware that any of this is supposed to make sense I really hope it does because if it doesn't well I guess my mind is simply disorganized    but isn't that what a mind should be? disorganized? don't we need to take time to listen to our minds and organize the stream before we talk? its like the old saying, think before you speak and etc etc etc. if this is how my mind really thinks, I really think I cannot type fast enough to fully express the words in my mind. that is an interesting though, do I actually hear a voice in my head right now dictating everything I've just written? that is really weird, is this how our sense of hearing works? I have my own voice in my head only it doesn't have the auditory quality of my own voice, but rather I can hear it, its a strange process         I guess I really can't multitask when I am writing a stream of consciousness I see three ims on the bottom of this screen, all blinking yet unanswered        perhaps I am not truly tracking my own mind I MUST DWELL FURTHER IN. I'd like to reveal something about myself perhaps something I didn't know existed        I remember my childhood I don't know why but for some reason I start remembering it whenever I think too hard that or I am just trying to find something to say for this stream of consciousness either way . the phone is ringing, should I go pick it up? maybe I will just let my parents handle it, but it keeps ringing and ringing and ringing. looks like I had to pick it up for a bit, I hope the professor doesn't penalize me for 20 seconds of non thought but I can make up for it because it was my friend who I needed to help out today, he sounded pretty appreciative though I dismissed him quickly because of this assignment and here I am fixing mistakes in my typing        maybe I should just leave my mistakes in so I can listen to myself more. right well now I feel nostalgic or actually no I don't I just see a blue sky in my thoughts and clear. no with white clouds and its a clear day and I was a little boy there's a feeling that is not quite nostalgia but it permeates through me likes a majestic feeling as if I were over a cliff and viewing the world for the first time, its breathtaking. another thought sigh. I miss my childhood and here I am back behind my computer again full of stress and anxiety. I would view myself as a logical person not to get emotionalized (if that is a word) which it is not a word but I guess its the only way my thoughts can process it without me actually thinking about  it, yeah I make up a lot of words in my thoughts actually its quite strange why does it seem so hard to write about my stream but when actually I have written so much    originally I had planned to write a debate that was in my head about god but I guess that was yesterday night when I was heated up about it today I just feel complacent about writing about nothing. I see nothing revealing in the past couple of paragraphs, just a jumble of words broken thoughts and now I feel disappointed        why am I disappointed? I guess I just thought I could find something that could prove that I am more than just a regular case or is this stuff that I write even regular to all people? I don't know but I like being special. well no. now I feel embarrassed for writing that out and there's only 3 more minutes to describe the rest of my thoughts for today. its weird how if focused my thoughts do not go much into the future, I can't really plan ahead, I can't think about my future, my ambitions seem to fade away I guess this is the nature of this exercise that causes it since you are supposed to write at present thoughts which tend to mold my thoughts into present thoughts and I don't know why that past thought had blurbed into my mind perhaps I forced it to just for some interest in this stream of consciousness, why am I so eager to put interest in this bit, I do like this interface though what that has nothing to do with what I just said god. now I am frustrated at the fact that my mind is so disorganized that or if I tried to organize it I would have nothing to say it is so hard to just spew everything out the way that I think it because my preliminary thought is to first organize it and that takes so much time and for some reason sometimes I end up saying nothing because I dunno I know I obviously have a stream now but I guess since none of it makes much sense I can't really phrase it into communicable words or rather perhaps I am just afraid that if I do people will laugh at me for being an idiot. 8 more seconds. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1. bye