Right now I'm a little bit depressed, not much has gone my way this week. I made some fabulous friends last week and we were all planning on going home together tomorrow, but now they seem not to want me to go with them. I don't know why everyone is getting mad all of the sudden, maybe it's something in the air. quite ridiculous, if you ask me. I have tears in my eyes as I'm typing, which is strange because I have tried so hard to not let little things get to me. My mom has always told me that I was overly sensitive, I thought I could overcome it, I think I can overcome anything. I had Mono a few years ago, and I overcame that one. My mind has not been forced to think in a while, people that I've talked to are just not to stimulating, I guess I should go and hang out in a coffee shop or something. I always thought college was going to be so much fun, and it's really not. I am this close to packing my bags and going home. Last week, I was the stereotypical college student and now, definitely not. My roommate and I are just not compatible, I mean she's a nice girl and all and she has good intentions, but I find her incredibly dull and childlike. She is a sophomore and I am a freshman. She has a really low self esteem and that's something that I don't deal well with, because I used to too. I don't like to think about those times, because I've overcome them. I fear that she is what I will become and it makes me resent her a bit. I don't want to live the life, or lack thereof, that she is leading. I make my life incredibly competitive, and I like to win. My cousin is down here, she rushed, she's actually in this class. But we've competed with each other all of our lives, whether the other one realized it or not, driving home, getting ready, meeting guys, they were all competitions. She and I are both incredibly stubborn too, so we butt heads quite often. I know that I've changed this year, and she has too, but we've changed differently. She's become more and more dependent on people, she can't be alone at all and I've become more and more independent of folks, for instance tonight, I walked over to the turtle pond and fed the fish, Carrie would freak out if someone told her to do that alone, but I really enjoyed myself tonight, I haven't felt that quiet peace in a long time down here. I don't know if UT is the right place for me, and I don't know. This is ridiculous. I'm here, and I'll graduate from here. Is this the sort of paper you're looking for? My mind is definitely not in a deep ponderous mood. This his how my mind works, worry after worry. I'd rather not get too far into myself here, if that's alright. On a happy note, I saw a guy in my Philosophy class today with absolutely Amazing hair. It was bleach blond and had four inch spikes! I admire people being gutsy enough to do that, never in my life would my hair be in spikes or fuchsia, I'll just stay the way I am. I miss my dog. I talked on the phone to my parents last night and I heard her bark in the background. I am ready to go home that's pretty much what has gotten me through this week. It has been the first time that I've gotten homesick. I think it's because I am going home tomorrow. Before, I didn't get homesick because I didn't allow myself to think about it too much, but I saw a Dallas Morning News today and got all choked up. What is all of this about anyway? Where do I benefit in the long run of living with someone I don't like and being forced to eat bad food? I'd much rather be in my own apartment. HA! My folks would really go for that one. They are so overprotective. The people that I was originally going home with are going to the Dave Matthews concert, and my mom won't let me go, I'm also not allowed to go to the TX v. OU game. That is stinky! I just need a good cry and a good nap and a hug from my grandma and everything will be fabulous again. I swear! If my roommate asks one more time if I want to talk about anything that's bothering me I will scream. I told her already that I'm writing a paper and she is still jabbering. Okay, Deep Breath. Back to Grandma. She is the cutest old lady in the entire world. She is definitely a cookiecutter grandma. It's fabulous. I told her I was coming home and she got so excited! My twenty minutes are up, but I feel much better now, I'm glad I got to take all of my emotion out on this essay rather than on my roommate! I don't know quite how to end my thoughts, even though I am 99. 99% sure that no one will ever read this.