ahs10/essays-big5 huggingface dataset:
right now I'm wondering why I am doing this and how it relates to the class  I'm tired and this is not helping get the sleep I need and with my government class too  crap I have to do that for about 2 hours tonight  I'm wondering wheather I hate college or love it or both   I think its both all the people hear and so much to do study party girls ect. my clothes need to be washed tonight they smell like crap. ahh sweet katie is coming up this week how cool wondering what my first football game is going to be like and if I'm going to get any action from kaite david my roommate wants to get some snuggle action from katies friend ashleigh   I'm sure he would like more than that though knowing him  ohh yea I hate this crap I'm listening to   hungry like the wolf   got to delete that off my winamp man its so hot in this room  I need to shower for like the 5th time today  this weahter sucks hear  its about 100 degress everyday  thats starting to piss me off too   ahh got to pick up my football tickets tommarow don't want to miss that right frats???? the delt frat party on friday   am I going to go or just hang out in my dorm and what about katie coming up my god I'm sweating I'm my room damn AC!!! I hope I get a solid grade in this class  I mean I could be out party right now but know I'm doing this stupid stream of concoious crap I hope this is what you guys are looking for beccuase I have no clue what I'm supposed to be doing at the moment I want to go eat and play some pool down in the lobby. I'm also craving for a ciggarrtte but I'm not allowed to smoke in the room  due to david donest wnnt me too  kelly what about her I wish she was hear I'm bored and not liking this I want to do some real homework and get this done done done   everyme and every you  every me and every me haha david my roomate last night thinking about how he need to use the bathroom but couldnt because are suite mate was in it and how he wehnt to the 11 floor in only his boxer and I got a chuckle out of that this sucks  government I need to get to that and start it up so I can feel satisfied with my studying for the night   need to get this done  tell me why  aint nothing but a mistake  I never want to hear u say haha I'm losing it going with lyrics that suck badly  I wonder if my suite and now my roommate david are gay   I think john david just might be  its alight though I mean were in austin I have no problem with taht as long as he doesn't put any of that gayness on me haha ohh man I'm liking this eithernet connection  this is some fast crap ohh sweet this is almost over hell yea  I need some coffe my god that sounds goood a full 6 cups of coffee to go along with danny hhhhhhhanley I my roomate thinks I'm crazy for turning this pethetic essay in of my stream of concious ohh yes sugar sounds good with my coffee heck yea never heard such a brilliant idea as a cup of coffee at the moment  I don't think this is long enough now but my time seems to be up  ohh well that was a full 20 mins
So, it's a Tuesday night, and there's nothing to do. I ate dinner earlier and can   feel the food digesting. I am rather anxious about something. Not terribly that it is   distracting, but I feel as though I am expecting something. It might be that I am   nervous about school. It's a new place for me, coming from Minnesota. I haven't   really made my close group of friends. Sure, I've been having loads of fun, but I   still don't have that complete feeling of acceptance yet. I haven't found my niche.   It's almost like I am waiting for it to be a month from now when I've found my place.   It's also hard in class, becuase I don't know many, hardly any at all, people in   them. I don't have people where I can go to work on projects or anything. This   makes me a little worried about how I am going to do, becuase I can't compare   answers on homework with friends, and I can't discuss new concepts with anyone.   I think that the move to a toally new placed this past month has been a little more   stressful than I originally expected. But I am not worried because there are so   many people here that I know it can't be too long before I find my place. Austin is a   great city also. That's a definite plus. The city has just a great atmosphere. I've   seen two concerts here and I love it. I can't wait to see even more of the city and   it's cool places. Music is a big part of my life and I think that is really going to make   me happy. It's great to know that just about every week there will be a concert or   something I will love to do. I am really excited to get to know some of the local   musicians. That'll be cool. I also have feelings that I want to have a girlfriend. I don't really know what I want   sexually. I feel like I want a steady girlfriend. Someone who I can always be close   with. I really think that will help make my transition into Texas easier. But it's hard   for me to find someone who I'll get along with this well. Another thing I think about   is committment. I dont' know if I want a long term relationship. Also, would it be to   distracting for be because of school?  I certainly know that school is my priority, but   now that I'm in college, I have to discover how much time I really need to spend   doing work to maintain my GPA. I think that the first semester is the hardest   because it's a new atmosphere and I have to test the limits and such.   Another thing that kind of worries me is my suitemate. He is a big partier, and   although I like to party some, he's always up very late at night and is usually very   loud. It's hard for me to tell whether it will last or if it's just the first week of school   and he's really excited. I just hope that he will get to studying. I am sur that all will   work out. I really feel that things usually do work out, and eventually I will feel   hapiness and the anxious feeling will go away. I'm just anxious to not be anxious   anymore.
I am sad. I just started thinking about the dog I left behind in Katy, Texas. That isn't exactly why I am sad though. It seems weird to me that I am really missing my dog and hardly ever thinking about my mom and dad. It isn't that I don't love my mom or dad but something must have gone wrong considering this is my first time away from them and I am hardly talking to them at all. If my mom sends me an email is usually says something like: nothing new here, Mickey's now. Mickey is my dog. I really feel like my dog is more important to my mom then I am. At least she has always spent more time with him. I am getting teary eyed which is weird because I haven't cried in years and I don't think I have anything to cry about now. My roommate's mom calls him every single night. I have talked to her more then I have talked to my mom since I have been here. I haven't heard a word from my dad at all. Oddly enough I don't really miss my friends back home. We have been very close since sixth grade and I just left them. For some odd reason this really doesn't bother me. I can't stop thinking about how much your class stresses me out. It seems so easy. I know it won't be easy though, and that makes we question how much time I should be spending on it now. I almost had a panic attack when I saw that the website was down but it is now back up and that makes me feel okay. I am really hungry which is weird because I just ate a piece of ham, a piece of turkey, sweet potatoes, a piece of pecan pie, broccoli and cheese, and a Neapolitan ice cream sandwich. Isn't that nuts. Hopkins 24/7 is now on. That is an awesome show. It really hits hard without showing gruesome ER scenes (it is a documentary series). I lost my train of thought and I am now writing about nothing. Well, my twenty minutes are up. Bye.
He will be nineteen this Saturday. I think I am going to go crazy trying to get something for the boy who has everything. He just left my dorm room. and we just had a fight. he is going to his apartment to check if his dog made a mess on the carpet. I think he likes his dog more than me sometimes. I am listening to the soundtrack of the tape that I do yoga to because it soothes me. when I do yoga I am so calm. I actually feel very centered and like my whole body is in a perfect line when have finished the whole tape, its an hour long and it really is a workout. my mom got me started on yoga, she's totally addicted now. I am too, but I'm going into withdrawal because there is nowhere in the castilian where I could do it. I am going home to Dallas this weekend and I'll get to see my whole family!!  my mom will make some really good dinner for me because she thinks I'm starving here. I'm not but there's just nothing good to eat. everybody loves the food that their mom cooks them though. I went home last weekend too. the people down the hall are being so noisy . I want to change this CD, I think I just fell into a trance. I do think I was in a trance this morning in biology. my roommate was up until 6 this morning doing some paper and she kept waking me up. she takes a lot of my stuff without asking , and that's not cool. Oh well , she's cool otherwise. I've got other homework to start now so I don't keep her up tonight!!!
Okay, I just started writing or well I guess typing. I am still kind of emotionless because I just woke up. You know how when you first wake up and you just need to go to the bathroom but after that you don't know what to do. I'm not hungry or thirsty or anything. I am kind of cold though, because the fan is right over my head. I have a pretty good feeling because I got to this page alot easier than I thought I would. Right now the only thing I really think about is a situation I am in. I am dating this guy and he's really great, but he keeps asking where our relationship is going and I don't really know. The big problem is that this guy I dated off and on for over a year is about to be transferred (he's in the Army) to Kaline which is pretty close to here and he calls and writes but never asks if I am seeing anyone new. I don't know if this is because he doesn't care and just wants to be friends or if he just assumes that I am waiting for him. Knowing him he will probably expect me to drop anyone I happen to be involved with as soon as he moves down here. This is something I normally would not mind doing, but I really like this guy I am dating so I don't know what to do. My bathroom is making the weirdest noise right now. I probably need to have that checked out. I am having to shift positions right now because I am not very comfortable and my neck is starting to hurt. Now my nose itches so I have to rub it. My room is a huge mess because they just set up my computer and won't let me throw away any of the boxes so they are piled up in my room until I have the chance to take them home. My hands are starting to shake a little so I must be getting hungry. My roommate should be getting back from class pretty soon and maybe she will make me something to eat. I kind of don't like it when she is in the kitchen though because she tends to make a pretty large mess and it tends to take her a few days to clean it up. You can't really say anything to her because she gets real defensive and it starts a fight. I really miss my cat, Black Jack, I have had her since I was two and she is BEAUTIFUL!!!  I think my twenty minutes are about up and I am really hungry, so I'm going to end this. BYE!!
I have a paper to start writing for English, and I'm dreading it because it will be very hard. It's about the short story "A Room of One's Own" by Virginia Woolf. In that story she also wrote in sream of conciousness so that is kind of weird. I really do not like the book at all. It's incredibly boring. It takes a feminist standpoint of women writers, and since I am not a feminist and only took that class because it was all that was open (I wonder why),I cannot relate to the anger Woolf seemed to have about there not being many women writers. Now, I am trying to figure out exactly what else to write about in this paper. It is really hard for me. I did the other assignment first because I found it much easier to do then this one. I don't completely understand exactly what I am supposed to be writing about, but we did stream of consciousness in my AP English class last year, and I think that it's all about writing exactly what the thoughts are that come into your head as they come into your head. My geography class is awful. the teacher is so boring. I've almost fallen asleep every time I go into that classroom. I decided to sit closer today to try and pay closer attention to what he's saying. I wonder if it's just a myth that the closer you sit the more you pay attention. Maybe that could be a psychologiacal survey we do- if one has not already been done on that. Now, I have again drawn a blank in what to say. it's so much easier to think when you don't have the pressure of having to write it down. I think my fried Alison is mad at me. She goes to A&M, and I had to write her an email about A&M's unfortunate loss to FSU yesterday. It's not like she hasn't made fun of UT. I feel like I'm back in Jr. high!  Alison and I have been friends forever- actually only since 9th grade but it sure feels like forever. I miss my friends at home. I feel like we've gotten so distant from each other and it's only been a week since I left. I talked to my friend Ann last night, and she was distant to me also. We just didn't have much to say, our lives are completely different from each others now. It's so weird how much people change from each other when you change their surroundings. I guess we were so much alike because we were constantly together. that could have a big effect on things, huh?  I wonder how long my friendships with people will last. The only one that seems to be maintaining right now is with someone that I wasn't even very close to this year- it's so odd to me how that happens. This twenty minutes sure is taking a long time to end!  I have to go put some money in the bank today. Actually I have a ton of errands to run today, but I need to finish my homework first. I still have a lot of pages to read in "A Room of One's Own" even though it was supposed to be read by today. Oops!  Then I have that awful paper to write over it. I mean who really cares about Mary Carmichael, Mary Beton, and Mary Seton? I don't even know how to start writing it, I don't even completely know what I'm supposed to write about. Well, it's been twenty minutes and my thoughts are becoming jumbled so I'm going to stop writing now.
Right now I am wondering how can I fit into college. I am wondering what is it that makes people think different than other people. Why is it that some people can do their homework right when they get it and other people procrastinate until the very last minute. Now my mind is totally blank. I am wondering why I cannot connect my thoughts to reach a conclusion. I am I going to be judged by how I write this. Does this accurately reflect my intelligence level. Again I am stopped by the nothingness that I am thinking. Its as if at one moment I am this intelligent individual and the next I am this ignorant fool that cannot manage to continuously write for twenty minutes. As I sit in my dorm writing this I am wondering whether or not I could be doing something else more fun. It is quite lonely in this room. For the most part I think what would solve a lot of my problems is a girlfriend. Someone to talk to that will fill this uncertainty of who I am. For the most part I have never been in love with a girl. What I want is exactly the opposite. I am ready for a relationship. Now instead of going on about this I am reflecting on what I just said. I am thinking is there something wrong with me because all the things seem so negative. But there are also very good things also. I think about how lucky I am to get such a great education from this university. I realize that not many people have this chance. I hope to really discover who I am in the next four years. I think that maybe the reason I have been writing all these negative things is because I am sick. I have a really bad cold and maybe it is effecting the way I think. Ok on to a different topic. I was just watching the road rules on MTV and they were talking about how your childhood effects you later in life. I think this is the perfect case with me. In my family we never really showed any emotions. Not once have I ever told my mom that I love her. Maybe that is the reason it is so hard for me to get into a good relationship. I feel that my relationship with my parents is exactly like my relationship with anybody else that I have been close to. I don't really open my self up to anybody. All my emotions are behind a wall of shyness. My mom always said that I was shy. Maybe she negatively reinforced why I am so shy. But enough about that. I was just thinking about an amazing experience that I had with my dad last week. I was in my parent's room playing guitar. My dad comes in and starts playing along with me. My dad and I don't really do many things together so this was one of the most emotional experiences in my life. I was happier than ever before. My dad took the time to show me some new tricks on the guitar as I played along with him. It was such an amazing experience. Well I think that I have run out of time.
The one thing that I miss here at school is my drums. I couldn't bring them with me to college because there is no where to put them. I used to play in a band and people used to tell me that I was really good but then I stopped playing and I got worse. When they were always there for me to play I never wanted to but now I wish I could play them more than anything. My best friend is a drummer but he always kept on practicing and he got really good. So good that now he is moving to Maryland to join a band. The band he is joining is pretty successful death metal band and they have two albums. I miss my friend and I hope that he is doing alright up there. He left all of his friends and family back in San Antonio and he doesn't know anyone in Maryland except for his band members and he really doesn't know them too well. I wish I could go up and see him and watch his band play since I am a big fan of death metal music. I listen to all types of music but death metal is definitely one of my favorites. I don't like it when people talk bad about death metal when they don't even know anything about it. I want death metal artists to be able to someday get rich off there music like all of the other pop artists. Because the talent that comes along with death metal music is remarkable.
Today I am leaving for my grandfather's funeral. I am so sad that he had to pass on. I know that he is in a better place now and can no longer feel pain, but I wish he was still here. Even if he could only stay for a few minutes. I just want to tell him how important he is to me and how much I love him. I would tell him how strong he is and how everyone looked up to and admired him. I wish that I could tell him how jealous I am of him, because his life was so interesting and fulfilled. But, most of all, I would tell him how much I love him. I am not really sad that my grandfather has passed away, I am sad because there is so much left unsaid. I just hope that he already knows everything that I wish I would have told him, before it was too late. I find it so odd that every time someone you know or love passes on, you sit and ponder all of the things that you wish you would've told them and vow to never make that mistake again. But time passes so quickly that you never get the chance to tell everyone that means anything to you that the are important, that they are somebody to you. I guess that my twenty minutes is up.
I wonder if the twenty minutes is what they're grading for because I type so slow they'll probably think I only wrote e for five minutes  I didn't realize the assignments were due today I thought they were due tomorrow, oh well I wonder if that means if I have to9 finish that damn pretest. I guess so          that girl has some funky hair, I can't even type without having to look up    its just like bam!!! in front of me,  I need a computer at home so I don't have to come to the library all the time. I don't get much done at home though so many distractions   what can I make for dinner there s nothing to eat at home, maybe kimchi cheegae  but I made that two times already maybe robert got some groceries,   we need some onion and garlic otherwise I can't really make much   oh shit I need a rice cooker still before I can go and make all this  maybe I'll invite Angela over to eat. yeah I wonder when her classes are even over. yeah I can just tell her to bring her rice cooker over and I'll cook,     she will probably want to eat Korean food anyway because I'm pretty sure that the Dobie food can't be that good. if it is at all like the jester food, that stuff gives me the runs. I don't know  maybe they put supplements in it to reach nutritional guidelines  but whatever it is it is not any good for me. the jester people must get used to it part of their body's way off adapting to a new nutritional source. nutrigrain bars are awesome. I'm so damn hungry. they should have a cafe here in the PCL so those late night studies can have some refreshment lemonade  that's what I want it's funny how me and Angela have so much in common I bet she is thinking lemonade right now. I wonder what Ben thinks of her?   that would be fucked up if they were both lying to me. I guess I just have to trust him. I've known him for so long but sometimes you'd do fucked up things for a girl, I couldn't blame him either because I've done such before also. I regret it of course. this guy told me not to ever regret something you've done because if you keep doing that then it is like you're asking back everything you done in you're life. so you may as well not ever be living it. I didn't even really know him we were just fishing next to each other and ha was old, I wish I could go fishing right now. it relaxes me and all this stuff is stressing me and I need to relax. I guess I could go fishing in freshwater but that can't beat the sun nothing can beat fishing the surf of san Luis pass all night even if you don't catch anything just being there when this sky turns purple then blue then a whole myriad of colors that you can't even describe from yellow to black     and than the sun comes and you make your last couple of casts not even caring really to catch a fish kind of a solute to the sun for thanking whatever you caught or didn't catch for next time.  ok that's been about thirty minutes and I'm going all philosophical I think I'm done