ahs10/essays-big5 huggingface dataset:
However, after becoming sick I began to notice how much I was dependant on my mother to help me , and take me to the doctor and pick up any medicines I needed. Now I have to do it all on my own. I had to wake up in the middle of the night and take myself to the hospital, I had to pick up my medicine, I was now the one who signed the form for my treatment to occur, not my mother. Now it is all me, and in a way that kind of frightens me. I now have to wonder if I am doing things right, or if I am screwing things up. Also, I keep thinking about going home this weekend for the first time, and I am not quite sure if I feel ready to see some of the people I graduated with. I am really excited about seeing my parents and friends, but I am really dreading going to my former high school's football game. Then all of this brings up another thought into my mind. Everyone so going to make comments on the fact that I still don't have a boyfriend, or that I am too picky when it comes to guys, and all of that other mess. All of this seems so superficial when I look at it, but this is the stuff that I have been thinking about. I have met several guys that I am really interested in, but it seems like there is always a problem. I always seem to be able to pick things out about guys and turn a perfectly good guy into a loser. I can pretend that I like a guy to suppress my feelings for wanting to be with somebody, but I can't last more than two weeks with that person. I can try and try to make things work out but I always seem to push guys away, which my other believes is her fault because of her and my father's divorce or something like that. I just seem to get scared when a guy gets to close to me. All through high school, all of my friends dated the same guy, and I was the one who had a different guy in every dance picture. I am unable to totally figure out what my problem is , but I am hoping now that I am in college I will "find myself. "
this is the weirdest thing I have ever had to-do. right now my roommate is watching the graham Norton effect and it is hard to concentrate. the show is really funny. he just changed the channel I am going to ask if could turn it down a little. Yesterday I had a really good date. it is all I can think about today. I hope things turn out good because I don't want to be hurt. I went to the gym today. I like and dislike working out. I like the end result and the feeling after working out, but I hate the feeling before I have start working out. I want to go out tonight. I don't have class on Fridays so I feel obligated to go out and do something. I got some people to go salsa dancing. nobody has really confirmed f they're going or not. I kind don't want to go anymore, but since some people already said yes I have to go. I am sure I will have tonight. this is really strange. I am just spilling out random thoughts. I really like the guy I went on date with. Well I don't know if I like him or if I like the idea of being with him? I guess time will show. I am tired of being single. I want a boyfriend! I was at the gym and I felt for some reason really aroused. I usually don't get aroused at the gym but today I saw a really hot guy that I couldn't get out of my head. I wonder if that is  BAD THING to like a guy but still be really turned on by other guys. I know it is perfectly normal but I would have tired something with this guy if he had asked me to. maybe that's why people think I am whore. I m really sexual. I am really worried about getting in the communication school. I think about everyday. if I don't get in I don't know what I will do if I don't get in. I just had dinner by myself. I hate eating by myself. I think it is because I had no friends when I was growing up. I have friends now but tend to want them around to much. I want to have sex I hope ya'll don't read this because are going to think the worst of me, but at the same time I don't what anybody thinks of me. for the most part. I keep looking at the clock to see how much time I have left. I hope I am doing this right because if I am not than I will be really mad. my is cool but he tends to be an ass sometimes. he was just over my shoulder reading this. I told him not too and then he stop. he is watching Seinfeld now I wish I could enjoy the show right now. Wait no he is watching the king of queens. my mistake. I can concentrate now because I don't like that show. I have a lot of pretty friends.
I'm so confused and overwhelmed right now. Between school (hard classes, lots of homework and many hours), and sorority stuff (meetings or at least something every single night and weekend), and problems with my boyfrined (we're on the verge of breaking up), I don't have time to do anything fun or relaxing. It seems like I'm always going and I don't have time to stop and breathe, and evertyhing  conflicts with everthing and I'm having to miss so many things for all my differnt things I'm involved in. Things wouldn't seem so miserable to me right now if it wernen't for my guy problems, too. I really wanted the whole long distance thing to work out and it seemed like it was, but we are both so busy that neither of us ever have time to go visit the other one and we both hate being so far away and never getting the chance to visit each other bc of our damn busy schedules. I am always so tired and stressed and never get a chance to sit and rest. I have to plan my whole day, down to when I have time ot eat and shower, every morning the second I wake up. Even though I'm complaining a lot, I LOVE sorority life, I LOVE UT, I LOVE all the frineds I have made, and all the things that are going on every night and every weekend, it is just so stressful bc I can't do everything at once. I'm not even real sure what I'm supposed to be writing about or anything, but all I can think abot right now is my guy problmes. Me and my boyfrined got in a huge fight tonight, so big that I threw my phone and broke it, which I usually never get mad or violent. But we both think that the other one is being so selfish to not be making time for the other one, but we are both in the same boat when it comes to our busy schedules. I don't know what to do, and this is all that is on my mind bc he means the world to me, and I don't know what I would do if we broke up, but I'm just so confused and don't know what to tell him or what I should do about this whole thing. I wish I could just take off from school and everthing and drive away and go see him for the weekend and work things out. I really don't know what else to say, I am rambling now evertying that pops into my mind. I really am having a great time down here asides from my crazy hellish schedule. I miss a lot of my frineds too. And it is so hard to get studying done here at the dorm with all my friends around all the time, with my radio and tv going, my phone ringing off the hook, my computer sitting right here tempting me to get on Instant Messenger and chat with all my friends. I'm just stressed, that's all there is to it, I hate feelign like this too, bc there is really nothing I can do about it, there is nothing I can get out of that I want to get out of. I am really hoping that things will just slow down and life will get to what I consider normal. That would be awesome. I don't know if that will happen and when it will if it does, but I'm really looking forward to that.
I am writing in the Flawn Library. This is my first time using the computers here at the University. I was a little afraid because I did not have my e-mail address yet. But now I do and I am feeling a little better. I still do not know how to e-mail someone yet, but hopefully I will learn. The only people I would e-mail to would be my dad or some assignment I have to do for RTF 305. I am not very good with computers. That is one of my weaknesses. I feel a little out of place here in the computer room because I feel that I am the only person that does not know how to use computers. I guess I will keep asking questions until I finally figure it out. I wish I learned how to use computers earlier in my life, then maybe I would not be at such a disadvantage. Computers could come in real handy. Like for this writing assignment, for instance. In RTF 305, we have to go to the web page and ask questions in a discussion between fellow students. That sounds like a good idea. I am feeling tired today. I got enough sleep last night. I do know what my problem is. It was hard staying awake in  class today. Hopefully  tomorrow will be different. Before I came to the library, I was supposed to go to a SI for RTF. The only problem was that I went to the CMA building instead of the CBA building. That upset me because I was really looking forward to going. There is one tomorrow, but I have Psy during that time. However, I will be going to the Psy SI today from 4-5 p. m. This time, I know where the building is. I think these SI classes are good ideas because it is a follow up to the lecture that students receive in class. So, if I missed something, I could go to the SI and re-learn what I did not understand. Now, there is no excuses for not understanding material. I did an assignment like this one in my typing class last year. It was the same exact prompt:  let your mind flow freely onto the screen. That assignment was only for five minutes though. Right now in the library, there is a long line for the computers. I hate waiting in lines. Today I waited in line to draw football tickets to the UT vs. Rutgers game on Saturday. I hope UT wins the football game. I am a big fan of football. In high school I was in band. That means that I got a free ticket to go to every football game. However, our football team was not that good. I think that Psychology will be an interesting class. I like learning about people and the things they do. I am looking forward to an interesting semester. I hope that the class is not too hard. Some questions that come to my mind right now is why do students have to do this writing assignment?  What kind of research is this?  What will this writing assignment tell about students?  I will also be doing the experiments instead of the research paper.
I am sitting thinking about how I have a headache, and how I am not hungry but I have a desire to eat because it is lunchtime. I am keeping an eye out for the evil ants that rule our dorm room. I think my roomate is sexy. I am havig a hard  time relaxing and just writing I stop and pause to think of what I am thinking. my long nails make it hard to type my hair is falling out in droves. tompetty is in a week and a half I love tom petty. vh1 is on and is starting to get annoying I am going to turn it off, that's better. I have a tough time managing my time correctly I need to make changes I feel heavy I feel hungry, I would rather be surfing the web or checking my email than writing this but it's required I think there is something wrong with my computer it is acting weird I think it is juno's fault. my glands hurt my instant messenger is broken. I have nothing to write I feel the ants crawling on me but it's only my imagination but they're everywhere. I only have to write for ten more minutes. nothing to say or write but I must john mellencamp is talented I think I will listen to enrique -- hold on I just sneezed all over my screen I wiped it off with a dry erase eraser I am listening to echo instead I got a room at the top of the world tonight I got a room at the top of the world tonite & I ain't coming down & I ain't coming down I got some one who loves me tonite maybe not I don't have a significant other I think I need to changhe the soong but I am afraid I am starting to bve depressed again sometimes I think miriam lies but I guess not I saw her bruises but I think she might lie about other things. I miss granny & papa I think that I have written enough 4 more minutes maybe this song sounds nice tom petty is so talented. 3 more minutres I don't understand how this is helping me understand my thinking process this is weird I think that Dr. pennebaker is an oddball  I am not hungry or full now, but I am thirsty I want to sleep I am so tired I am always tired I can't sign up for any of these dumb experiments I need to because  they are always full 1 more minute and I am done la la la l alallalalalalalal fuck this I want to go this is making me upset I still have one more to do I wiill do it later Adios stupid writing assass assignment
Um. well I don't know where to start. This is extremely weird and I feel like I am just going to start rambling on and on. I think I'm thinking too hard for this little assignment and it's driving me crazy I guess I'll just go off on tangents and type away. I am so bored out of my mind and everyone around me right now is talking about being hungry and going to get something to eat. I shouldn't have eaten that can of soup and should have waited and gone some place good wit my friends. What am I thinking what am I thinking about. This is so much harder than I though. I thought things were just going to flow and I'm sure that they usually do but since I'm concentrating so much things are flowing like they usually do. I'm so stressed out right now. For some reason I feel like I have a world of things to do, do I? Well I know that when I think to hard about all the things I have to do it seems like I'm never going to finish doing what I have to do. In the long run though things seem to work and yeah I'm not going to freak out. I think right now I'm going to go back to my apartment and plan out exactly what I have to do for the rest of the day then get a pen and just scratch out as I go along. I know that I'll fall asleep though. I've been so lazy lately. I think I should start running to get my blood flowing but I know myself and it'll never last. Well who knows we'll see what happens, I could just go home and clean the apartment that would be a good work out. I think I'm thinking too much about unimportant things I guess who cares I'm just going to do whatever I want to do as things come to my mind and I'm not going to force myself into jogging around and sweating then never wanted to run again. Holy cow! This is not fun at all I'm running out of thoughts and this is just becoming words jumbled on to a paper. I wonder if I'm suppose to have paragraphs and stuff oh well too bad. Is this suppose to be something important or say something about myself. If it wasn't for having to type this my day would be complete I could take a nice long nap without having to worry about getting this out on time! Ugh! Okay I wish I could just live in Austin and not go to school. I wonder what I'm going to do tonight? Nothing is fun anymore it's always all the same stuff. Um well jayne and them are coming in from San Antonio so we'll see what happens. This movie is so cheap I laugh at the stupid parts even though they make no sense what so ever. What a mess what a mess. Ugh I need to clean up my home today so bad I don't want to! I clean up and two seconds later it's a mess all over again. Okay well I'm thinking my time should be up. Is it up yet. Yes two minutes and them I'm done. I'm starving all of a sudden. I'm so frustrated with this whole thinking process It's just a mess I hope we don't have to do this all the time. I think I'm going to be disappointed when I read back on this. I'm going to see that not one productive thought runs through my mind in 20 minutes. That is so pathetic. I wonder what would happen if I didn't have to do this and I started jotting down my thoughts. Okay time is up.
Every class seems like it has so much extra work, I feel like I  will never have any free time. Other than the work though, I love college compared to high school. I love the freedom I have and even the new responsibilities. Right now everything is still fun, I'm sure though that I will get sick of cooking, cleaning,ironing, and doing everything else by myself pretty soon. I already miss my parents a little and my little sister very much. I can't wait to see her. I feel really bad though, because I promised her that I would come home and see her in two weeks, but I don't think I am going to be able to see her for another week. My mom said she was so excited that I was coming home. She just started second grade and I wish I could have been there to see her. It really sucks that I have to leave her, I feel like we may not be as close anymore if I don't see her as much. She used to beg me every night to sleep in my bed with me and at the time it was kind of a pain, but I really miss it now. I also really miss my boyfriend who is also back in Dallas. He came down last weekend, but I don't think I'll get to see him for another week either. He is really taking me going off to college really good. I figured he would be mad at me all the time for hanging out with other guys and stuff, but he has been really cool about it. At first he got really jealous, but we talked about it and now he is completly understanding. I really hope we make it through the year and mabey he can move down here next year!  That would be perfect. Ilive with my best friend so at least I have her here. I think it would be really hard to go to such a big place like UT and not know anybody. people do it all the time ,but I think  that I would get really depressed if now one I knew and trusted was down here. I really love it down here. Austin is a really awesome town, it has everything!  It is really different from Midlothian, which is where I come from. It is a small town 30 miles south of Dallas. We only have about two stop lights and mabey three fast food places. I think its really great though that I am getting the chance to live in a really small town and a reall big town too.
It smells really good in my apartment. My roommate's girlfriend is making chicken and I'm cooking out. I love Monday night football. Its on tonight. it is Thursday night but this is the opening game but abc is covering the game. watching football is putting me in a good mood. I am in the process of cooking out on the grill. I'm really tired right now but I have a test tomorrow. last night I had like three hockey games. on real game and then the school team, we had practice. we got a new dog and it sometimes keeps me up at night. he is a jack russel terrier and his name is miller. the washing machine is going and it is really loud. just like the dishwasher. the patriots are winning now they just kicked a field goal. my girlfriend is doing her homework over in the dining room. I wonder what she is working on. the dishwasher stopped and now it is quiet in here. john madden annoys me. I'm not really watching the game because I'm doing this but I hear him commenting on the game. all he does is state the obvious. I don't need to hear him tell me what I just saw. I can believe he gets paid. I hope I get a good job like that were I get paid very well and the job can be fun. it just got really hot in my apartment really fast. I need to turn down the thermostat. I don't want to study tonight. I just want to chill. I am worrying occasionally because I changed my major and I am now trying to get into upper division. my new major is sport management. it used to be economics. a beer would great right now. I just saw a Coors light commercial. that's good advertising. well I'm halfway done with this thing. there is not much to say I just keep thinking of the same things. I hope Texas football wins this weekend. Arkansas beat us last year but I think we will beat them this year. I need to go put the meat on the grill because I am hungry. I have to do this for 7 more minutes then I can do that. I'm cooking this really good sausage that my girlfriend bought in Elgin, Texas. I'm so hungry. its making it worse because of my roommates food that they are making is smelling really good. hopefully the patriots will win this game. they are winning this game. they won last year in the conference championship. I'm ready for the hockey season to start. I wish I could go play hockey tonight. I wonder what my dog is doing. my roommate is yelling at him so I'm sure he is doing something mischievous because he is always doing stuff like that. be quiet john madden. this is a long twenty minutes. I'm still hungry. I'm ready for the weekend. it will be fun. dang the patriots are punting. I need a new car. mine is a 2 door Tahoe that is a 93 so it is eleven year old. I can't wait till next Wednesday for the incubus concert. they are my favorite band and they are coming to Austin to play. it will be sweet. I'm going with all my friends. I should call my mom and let her know what is going on with me I wonder what she is doing
will the cowboys win this game, who knows, why even care, will I be approved for a credit card application that I just filled out? I wonder if I'm going to be called by a friend to eat lunch, I'm not hungry, because I just ate, not really in the mood for jester food, stomach hurts a little from working out yesterday, not too bad, I hope I do good in all my classes this year. theres a lot of dust in my room. I need to get my friend to make his business run better. hes not a good business man. I get him all his business. I need to clean my room, at least my side. I don't know why I bought my caller id thing, I don't even have caller id service. it wouldnt help much anyway. I want to watch the game, but I have to write this assignment. I wonder what I will do today. I want to visit some friends. I wonder why I can wake up so early and all my friends sleep so late. cowboys are doing good this game, since I can hear the game going on. I wish I had a source of income right now. I don't know how I am going to pay for my cell phone bill and the money for the frat I'm rushing for. I'm glad I didnt drink last night, I feel pretty good today, except for a running nose. wow my 20 minutes are almost done, I wonder if my parents are going to call today. I need my cell phone back from my friend. I wonder what this blue, stringy dust is that is all over my stuff. oh look, my time is up, finally I'm done wit this, I'm glad I remembered to do this today.