It is 4:59 and I have some time to kill while waiting to beat rush hour traffic back to my apartment. I can't help but think it would be sad, for some reason, if all that I am going to write here is going to be lost in a sea of other streams of consciousness, that I will only be graded for the fact that I did it and not examined for the content of my mind. Does everyone hold their mind as sacred? I can't help but instinctively correct my misspellings, so in this way I guess I am somewhat obsessive/compulsive. It's quite liberating to intentionally let it go for a few minutes. This openended assignment, pouring out my mind onto a computer screen page and what do I have to say? This 20 minutes is oddly precious to me because there is that slim, slim chance that someone will read it and be curious or something anything to analyze me take interest show me who I am sometimes I think that's what life is about  everyone trying to be seen, heard, thought of, appreciated, hated, loved, whatever allows them to express the energy, the thoughts, the storm inside. this is horrible writing and yet I wish I had had many assignments like this in the past, free writing, free from restrictions and completely for the purpose of interpreting my thought structure. Who doesn't want to be analyzed? Who doesn't want to analyze? I know that I am biased and can only assume that there are others with the opposite desires of mine, ones who seek to hide and let others speak, be seen, be criticized, revered just watchers, "voyeurs". I had a conversation with a couple of friends in a pool one night in which we were talking about our fringe sexuality, what we preferred to do, which roles we like to take. My friends considered themselves "voyeurs" and I had to admit that I am more of an exhibitionist, watch me watch me dance, hear me speak, smell me, form your own opinions I only seek to give you something to focus your attention on if that's cool with you. It strikes me as funny that I am speaking to you in the first person, as if this is going to be read, and if it is does it strike you as funny that I am talking to you to the extent that I can, rather than just writing and perhaps addressing things more formally or in the abstract, using different pronouns? I was thinking in class today, oh. some of these people are not used to thinking or being taught to think in a rational objective and scientific manner. I thought again about how different I feel from the freshman now, how my perspective has changedooh ten minutes is up and I feel like I've written a lot. If I were a TA I would sort through these, being very curious and interested in the beginning, and towards the end as I read more and more streams of consciousness my interest would wane and I would look for the shorter ones to read, just to lighten my burden of grading them. But perhaps you have already taken this into consideration and are "true to science" YAY! making sure that you choose these completely randomly. I am constantly thinking of people in terms of astrology because it has been a hobby of mine, it supplies me with a wealth of descriptions for different aspects of personality, interaction and life and yet I cannot defend it as scientific, but is something that is unscientific still useful? It has certainly given people (I've talked to) different slants on their problems and concerns, it seems that there is all kinds of analysis that though unscientific can be incidentally helpful to people. I don't discount science, I do believe in the value of scientific testing to a certain extent, as long as we don't lose the other helpful methods in the process. It's a tough tough thing. Of course 99% of everything you are going to see is either subjective entirely or subjective under the pretense of being (somewhat or completely) scientific, which is dangerous I can imagine. But as long as one admits the subjectivity and conditions of what they propose, isn't that honest enough to move on and get something out of it? I have been asking a lot of questions! How defining of me! Now I (as usual) will consciously battle myself over questioning. I will try to stick to statements and feel very stupid for doing so, give into questioning perhaps, and then sooner or later, 3 minutes actually the time will be up. Well love and life and craziness and all the things I thought I would end up saying are not surfacing here, although I think of all of them regularly death, sex, friends, jobs, spirituality, drugs, sex ha ha ha. life life life. why is it that somehow writing gets blocked in the middle of an easy flow? I think I remember once reading about oh shit I lost my train of thought oh yeah, I think it might have been Carl Jung (one of my favorites) talking about how people's hesitation in experimental games like word association indicates an issue awakened at the hearing of a word. Those few seconds that you pause when someone says "mother" or something, those tell your therapist everything ha HA! Uhoh time's up. This has been vaguely spellchecked, just enough so you can understand which words I was using. Thank you very much.