I always pride myself on my ability to be creative but lately i feel restricted. I am spending more time absorbing everything around me than actually reflecting. I also feel lonelier than usual. I know this is normal, so I don't feel strange for the feelings. I am used to being surrounded by chaos and people  I know. All of a sudden, I'm in a school more than twice as big as my town and a dorm more than twice as big as my high school. I am deep down enjoying the experience. On the surface, I am just caught up in reorganizing everything. I am also still recovering from last year. I keep thinking that things will pick up and that I will meet people. I don't know if it is just a slower process than I expect or if I have high expectaions. All I know is that I love Austin as much as I miss New Mexico. I miss the scenery and the openess but now I get to enjoy a more vibrant and colorful scene. More than anything, I am excited to be around new music. I am listening to Grateful Dead right now- as I have for the last year. Right now, I feel that my scene suits the music more. I also am excited to be around live music. It has a better taste. I think I miss good New Mexican food (burritos) almost as much as I miss my old room. I miss being able to walk down the street without running into another person if I feel like it.  I miss my friends. I miss being able to have inside jokes and laugh without even talking. I think I have more potential for good friends because Austin appeals to a particular crowd including myself. In NM, I made friends with the peop[le that were available. In Austin I will make friend with people that I hve common interests with. That is why it takes more time. I am not used to the freedom that I have recently obtained. I want to experiment with the limits of my freedom, but I just haven't found good opportunies. I haven't done much since I've been here. I can't tell if I'm lazy, timid, or just in the process of figuring out my niche. Education is more interesting when it is by willpower. I like learning when I have the choice to go to class. I also get the idea the teachers in college enjoy teaching more. That may be a generalization. I'm a bit scared aobut tests. I don't know how to study yet. I actually was scared yesterday, but not today. I bought a   to-do   list yesterday and wrote down everything that I need to do. Even though I haven't checked off much, I feel so much more organized knowing that it's written down. I actually fell more compelled to check stuff off (that's why i'm writing this now). I hope I don't fall victim to my lack of self dicipline and poor study habits. I truly enjoy being disorganized and careless. I think it gives me more personality and a more colorful life. A reckless and wild life has its o elegant motion. More than anything, I think having careless adcventures (i. e. hitchiking home from a party) makes me more creative. All I want to do in life is to write. Well, I want to do more, but that's my main ambition and source of happiness. I think adventures inspire what I write just as much as education builds a foundation. All of my college experience will be relevant. I get excited writing about what I want, but I then look back at the time I've been here and feel a bit unaccomplished. My wrist keeps popping when I type, and it really hurts. I have to slow down. I should probably start working out again if typeing at my computer is strenuous. My roommate is cleaning our room right now. She is a bit cumpolsive, but I'm glad that it inspires me to stay organized. Well, I'm organized on the surface. My closet and drawers are a different story. I love how I decorated my room. I think interior design is next on the list to writing. I wish I could study it, but I don't think I could make it into the school of architecture