Right now I am sitting in front of the computer, completing this assignment. I really wish that I had worked on this assignment earlier. I am now starting to worry because I have to finish Calculus homework and read a few pages for Engineering. And I have to finish that one problem that no one can seem to get. It is bugging me that I left that one problem unfinished. It is also bugging me that I left that problem blank and completed the others out of turn. I never thought about that before, but I do get bothered when things aren't completed in the order that they're supposed to be. Weird. I just had an epiphany. It is really weird how you think of things at the strangest time. Whats also weird is how you can sometimes say a word over and over, and if you say it enough times it starts to sound really weird. Like a word you've never heard before. Take before. Before Before Before Before Before Before. see, it starts to sound really foreign. That is really odd. And it works with every word, too. Hmm. thoughts are all scrambled now. Not thinking of much anymore. I used to think of how much I missed home. now it is not so prominent. I don't think of Roshi as much. I still do sometimes. But it comes and goes. I am not going to let myself get trapped like I have before. It is just a vicious cycle. I feel much better this time. I have somehow learned to overcome sadness. I dunno exactly how it happened, but I have learned to overcome and bypass it. It doesn't consume me anymore like it used to. Now that I think about it, I am really starting to wonder how I managed to do that. Inherently, I think that I can get fixated easily;  that right there is a sign that I am bound to get hurt one of these days. And I have. but I have learned. The question is, how?  Hmm. oh well. No matter now. As long as I can do it. That is good enough for me. Maybe its the college atmosphere. Being alone and on my own. In a sense, anyway. I look around my room and realize that I do not miss home. I don't know why. I missa family and friends at time, but I don't MISS them. Its weird. Maybe its because I don't consider myself away from them. Mysha said that this was like a camping trip, and everytime we went home was no different than coming back from a vacation. Hmm. i don't think thats so, but it certainly didn't feel too different on Labor Day. Maybe I need to stay away from home longer. Hmm. that must be it. Mysha got me thinking about Roshi again. Hmm. makes me wonder how easy it is to meet people here. It can't be too hard;  lots of people have already met people. I jsut need to go and try. Steve knows how to do it, but he has nothing to lose, he has a girlfriend at home so he doesn't care much about making a lot of friends. Comes natural to him though. I honestly think that that is the only thing really bugging me here. I feel an immense sense of confidence, all except for that. I am liking the way I am handling things, liking the way I have kinda built back my work ethic, and liking the fact that I can make my own decisions. I am starting to feel better and better about college life. It is great. Except for all the people. There is something srange about the people here, something difficult to finger. A sort of fakeness. Many people are geniune, but there are others which seem unapproachable. People don't act the way I am used to seeing them act in high school. Maybe that is it. Asians don't act like Asians at home, for one thing. Most other people act the same, but the Asians here don't. A little different. a little meaner?  That can't be it though, I really need to meet more and judge. Ugh. i feel like I've just cursed myself for saying that. I really didn't mean that. I am being too cynical I guess. But you can't win them all. I am happy otherwise;  I have met a few good friends, I like the campus, and I am close to home. I feel connected in all aspects. UT was probably one of the best choices I ever made. My Dad thinks so. he told me the other night. I always hated when he judges whats good and bad based on what he thought, but he is right this time. He usually is, I've learned. Almost always. I need to learn to respect that. I'm the one who's usually wrong. Oh well. Better late than never. Time for Calculus.