I mean, each day I wonder why I am here on this earth. and then other times, I wonder why I go through some of the stuff I do go through. it seems at times that the "good" people get the worst parts of life, while the "villains" in life seem to get the better things in life. that bugs the hell out of me. then there is love. something that is near and dear to me. I look around and I see great females who choose to stay in relationships with guys who treat them like "scum". it's so ridiculous sometimes. the worst is when these girls as for the nice guy, but when one comes along, they ignore him and guy for the guy that may boost their social status. sometimes I guess the girls out there that are like that deserve the treatment they get. other than, life seems great right now. every piece of the puzzle is here. except one thing. I have no one to wake up for each morning. but other than that, thing seems to be falling into place. I use to be a person that required love and what comes along with it. but after my last relationship, I have learned to take life A LOT easier and just "chill". sometimes I might take it to an extreme and therefore I do get myself in trouble or do things that make me disappointed in myself. I worry that this new "care-free" life may eventually take me over with it's great appeal. but only time will tell if that will happen. most of my close female friends feel that I have changed to a more fun and loose person, but at what because??. some feel I have already changed too much and have become a totally different person. I do see myself as changing, but the core of who I am has not changed and hopefully it will never change. I feel that my beliefs and morals and etc are still the same. I have changed a few beliefs, or I should, I am considering changing a few beliefs I have, but it's nothing to strong. it's more like how I choose to take life and what I think is important. but some of the beliefs that I am considering changing or what has my friends worried. because once again, they feel I may become a totally new person and become a person without the same sympathy that I use to possess. but like everything else in life, only time will tell. but I see my myself as evolving rather than changing. make sense??. it's like I am becoming a stronger person. especially emotionally. I am still as sensitive as I used to be. tears come natural for me. but as far as love and stuff. it's not as blinding as it used to be. it's like I gained "sunglasses" somehow as I evolved. even my poetry has changed with my evolution. my first couple of works were specifically about love and what goes along with it. but my most recent collection focused on death, suicide, and the afterlife. I wasn't at all suicidal or anything. but the artistic side of me wanted to try something different from the usual love stuff. but it seems through everything I do, that I have matured. I am less likely to hold grudges than I used to. I have pretty much become friends with most, but not all of my past "grudges". I guess once you get out of high school, things you once considered important seem ridiculous now. kind of odd huh??. there were people in high school that I would have died for and would have died for me, but now we barely talk. and then there's the people I never talked to much, but now I spend most of my time with. it's weird how one summer can change so much. but I guess this past summer "weeded" out the friends who weren't really friends. the friends you have now are the ones that will stay true to you for awhile. or at least until something catastrophic occurs. I remember in high school, I thought my click would never break up. we were almost like brothers. but now we are like strangers. maybe time will change things back. or maybe it was just meant to be. but as of now, my life seems to be a constant vacation. yea there is classes and stuff, but everything is so laid back. there is no pressure whatsoever. not yet at least. but we'll have to see how all that goes. life is a mystery and I doubt anything will ever make sense. just take whatever opportunity you get, and never postpone anything until tomorrow. cause you never know, there may not be a tomorrow. and one should always keep their mind open to anything. the most sure people in our world have changed their minds. sometimes our past or the facts that are presented to us can alter our opinion on matter. however, it's okay to have a strong belief about something as long as you believe in it with you heart and nothing more. a lot of people today are just followers. they believe what they are told. they don't think for themselves to see if what they are told makes any sense whatsoever. many cases in history have resulted badly. look at World War 2. the entire country of Germany followed the madman named Hitler. he was a lunatic, but one has top give him credit for being able to convince a whole nation that he was right. then to convince them to allow him to be dictator. the sad thing is that, that could still happen today. maybe not with the same "material", but if a person said the right thing with the right motivation, any country could fall. even the supposed "untouchable" U. S. A. nothing is untouchable. just like how nothing lasts forever. nothing