I don't like being home alone as much as i thought i would like it. i want Talia to come back already. i can't believe she also takes zoloft this is too weird. i kinnda want her to be normal because now i just think the both of us are too weird together. it was such a coincidence that we got paired up together as roomates. i was talking to chris and everytime i do i feel so much more homesick. i can't decide if like him or not. well i like him. but i don't know if i like him more than a friend. i probably like william more. yes i do. i wonder what he is doing right now. it is raining and i don't like that. i hate the rain. i feel scared that something bad will happen. this song is funny. i guess they don't like jermaine dupri. i had some really good french vanilla coffee but now my throat hurts because it was way too hot. i really miss charm and all the guys. i felt so sad because they went out without me. ok the comp just made a strange noise that i don't like. that really scared me i thought i had broken talia's computer. i would really be in trouble then. damn it feels like i've been writing for longer than 6 mins. but oh well. i wonder wat chris is doing right at this moment. i wish i could see him. he can always make me laugh. speaking of funny people, i really miss emy. he's the love of my life, without it being in any way romantic. i would do anything for him and i worry about him so much. i really hope he is doing ok because if he isn't i would drop everything hear in austin just to be with him. the people in my floor piss me off all the time because they are always yelling and i can't stand that they don't have the courtesy to be quiet at night. they really annoy me. i wonder if that comedy show is going to be on tonight. i really like that show. i wish i had more of that coffee. even though it burned my throat. i ate pizza today and it wasn't the best thing in the world. i'm going to remember that for next time. i eat way too much sometimes. i am so fat i don't need to eat more. how the hell did i get to weigh so much?  i just can't believe it. i hate walking around and seeing all those pretty girls. i spend most of the day being jealus of them all. i don't know how to make myself stop eating and to start working out. i mean i have a gym right downstairs but even that embarrasses me because i don't want people to see the fat girl working out. that's why people work out, to lose weight. but i just can't get out of that mindset. it is way too cold in my room. i'm going to get sick. i have to do so much homework. especially biology because i don't understand anything in that class and we might have a quiz next week. i won't do too good on that. chemistry is pretty good i think. i got a little confused last night with the homework but i'm hoping to work that out. biology 212 is not that bad. at least i don't feel like falling asleep right then and there like in bio 211, i really don't like my instructor. she's so damn boring and she tries to be funny but i doesn't work. i really hope i don't do too bad this semester. i hope to get at least b's in all my classes. a's are impossible in college i think. i'm really worried about my scholarship from d. d. hachar, i haven't gotten the half from UT that i'm supposed to get. i really should call the office or stop by. and i should also go and settle the matter with the mental health office too, i don't want maribel to keep bugging me about it. this is really not cool, i don't want to have to do that. but oh well. i guess if i have to. i should write an email to the finacial aid office asking them about my scholarship. or maybe i should try to contact the nursing school. maybe i don't even have that scholarship anymore. that would suck if i don't. i really need the money. i don't want my parents to worry about me or money. i can't wait until i have money of my own to help them out. i wonder if i'll ever become famous like i always dream about. i dream about so many things itz hard to keep track. i'm almost done. wow, that went by quickly. this wasn't so bad. i wonder if they're really going to read this thing. i doubt they have time.