I know there's nothing "wrong" I can write, but I still feel like whatever I'm writing may not be what they had in mind. It's about 11:20, and I am starving. As soon as I finish this I'll get to go and eat. I just came back from calculus, which is at least a 15 minute walk away from where I am (which is Dobie). I don't think I'm going to learn too much from the professor I have for calculus. He doesn't ever explain what the hell he's trying to do, and, like today when this guy tried to ask him, he almost yelled at him for jumping ahead. It is really frustrating because he first says something and then writes it down verbatim, and it makes me really mad. He wastes so much class time writing down the obvious even after he's said it ten times. I tried taking notes, but I doubt they'll help. I have always loved math, but this is just frustrating. My friend Ashli (who also lives here nad is from my tiny hometown) has a suitemate named Sonia, who had him last year. She said it's horrible. SLhe only knew two people who got an A in his class. She was telling me about how he writes down every little thing, and now I see what she means. She also said his tests are nothing like the homework, so I don't know what to expect. I am so hungry right now. I didn't eat too much this morning, because I never seeem to be hungry when I first wake up. My roommate is really sick. Ithink she has strep throat. Which means it'll only be a matter of daysbefore I get it too. My immune system has never been that good. I know, I know, I never really exercised that much, but I never seem tok have too much energy. My mom always thought I was anemic, but tests show I'm supposedly not. It's so weird how whenever I walk around campus I keep seeing people I know. Well, not really know, but I recognize them from camptexas or orientation or somewhere like that. I usually don't get to know too many people from placeslike that because I tend to be a little on the shy side. People always toldm e I'd outgrow that, but, well, I'm still waiting. In fact if there's onet hing I could change about me, ti'd probably be that. Everyone says you can make yourself  not be shy, but I'm sorry, I don't know how. I've tried and tried, but to no avail. When I'm around a lot of people I know, it's not too bad. Like in high school, I knew everyone in school (it's a small school and we've allb een together since kindergarten) and it was never too bad. I didn't love public speaking or anything where a lot of attention was directly on me, but I was always pretty comfortbale around everyone. But here I feel kind of lonely. My cousin, GArrod, who is a sophomore here, says it was that way for him lst year. I can't even reach one of my older friends here. I don't know what the problem is. And my other friend I called never called back. I don't know if she just didn't get the message, or if she's not calling back because she doesn't want to. My friend Ashli and I spend a lot of time together (we eat together and stuff) but she's already separating form me a little bit. At least we're going to the football game together. I'm looking forward to the game. I miss football. I never eallly appreciated it until I played powder puff last year. I somehow always feel like I'm overlooked because I'm quiet. At lest I hope it's because I'm quiet, and not just because I'm easy to overlook. I'm the youngest in my family, and whenever my older brother would be talking to my mom, she would always listen to him and ignore me, no matter what I was saying, until he left the room. Honestly, they thought because I am younger that whatever I say can't possible be as important as what he's saying. I could be telling her the house is one fire while he was telling her how he drove to town, and she wouldn't listen. Don't get me wrong, she has always been a great mom, but that has always bothered me, maybe more than it shoyuld. I don't really believe in those horoscope things, but sometimes when I have read them (at the end of theday) some eerie things ahave been true. Anyway, I read one of them on the ocmptuer. First of all, I have never been a "typical" sagittarius, like the magazines and articles say. They say they're all outgoing, and at times I am painfully shy nad introverted. Well, the one I read on the computer said the way to most hurt my feelings was to ignore me. And, that's true. If one of my friends is a total asshole to me, I will usual forgive them if they will just pay some attentin to me. I don't' think I have too many people in my life that I can count on, and that's really what I need most. I don't know if there's anyway I can fix that, but it's been a long 18 years. This probalby sounds like I'm a manic depressive, but before you call the authorities, let me assure you I'm not. I just don't have very high self esteem at times, and I often feel like I'm all alone in the world. I ahve a fear that I'll never find anyone to love me (like a husband). I don't see how someof  these other people manage to meet tons of guys, while I'm always alone. And most of those girls don't even appreciate them, and I know I would. Maybe it's back to the shyness thing. I really don't know, but I wish whoever did wuold tell me. I don't know what I want to do with my life. I was hoping my classes this smester would help, but I don't know. Part of me wants to go into business, but by the time I get accepted into the business school, I may change my mind again. I'm in the natural sciences thing as an undeclared pre-med right now, but who knows howl ong that will last?  I'm not lazy, but it takes me a hwile to get readjusted into going back to school. And even though I was in two ap classes my senior year and I graduated valedictorian by a long shot, I never had to work TOO hard in school. This stuff just came naturally to me.