I would guess the only thoughts in my head right now are on weather or not I doing the things I should be. Is the sorority right for me? I really don't like my pledge class that much but I like most of the other girls in Alpha Phi. I don't know I'm just so afraid that I've totally missed God's plan for my life. It worries me. What if Pharmacy isn't where I'm supposed to be. I love listening to people's problems and just being there to help them but I don't know what to do with that. Where are my thoughts headed I'm not exactly sure I let my though wonder lots of times and they just kind of go in every direction. Sometimes the end up to will I ever find the guy I'm supposed to marry? I really do wonder that sometimes. He has to be out there somewhere but where? I don't know. I hate watching Emily and Justin. Its really kind of stupid but its not that its stupid its that I want that too. That guy has to be out there somewhere and I just haven't found him yet but I always want a boyfriends it just seems like lots of time I have bad luck finding one. And it seems that everyone here has one all the freaking time. Its annoying I want to find that Christian perfect guy out there for me. Maybe it is Chris but I doubt it. We're just way to different. I don't know. Its crazy being here at college things are so different. I don't know exactly where I'm supposed to be. Hopefully I'll find it soon. I like the things I'm doing but something's wrong. I have doubts anytime I'm not doing them if that what I'm supposed to be doing but then I'm with those people and I have a great time. It's really confusing. I just need to find that close best friends that I haven't quit found yet. And I really can't wait for next summer its going to be a blast. I think God is putting me there for a purpose but what it is I'm not sure. I just can't wait. I just hope by that time I'll know what it is I'm supposed to be doing here and be totally happy. Its like I feel sometimes I'm putting on a show. It's weird. I hate that I'm kind of in a group who went to high school together. It makes it really hard to fit in. I just need to find my group but hopefully I have now with joining Hyde Park. It'll be all good. Its weird I think that with all the moving I've done it changes things here because I'm used to being on my own and finding new people but it seems so far everyone does stuff with people they already knew or stuff. It's weird. I can't wait though to see some of my old friends. It'll be great fun I miss them lots but then I don't either. I just need to find my new group its what I've been waiting for for a while now and I know that group includes a boyfriend. I guess I'm more ready to find that guy than I wanted to admit. Its not like I'm ready to get married just to find him and start getting to know him better. I just want to find my best friend and that best friend will be the man of my dreams who I will marry and I guess I'm just being impatient to meet him. Very quickly. Because it'll be so neat to find him. I can't wait for tonight because I"LL BE going back to church and that's always fun its my favorite thing to do. It's a good thing. And I don't want to go home this weekend but I know I need to so I'm not to happy about that. Its really weird as I am wiring this I'm seeing more into me of feelings that I've tried to hide but I guess are there more than expected. Its funny I don't know what I'm looking for but I need to find it. I have God and I really want to deepen my relationship with him tremendously. I think I'm on the right path for that. I'll get there soon. I just don't know when. I'm so glad though that I found my church home that makes me feel lots better. Really it does. I just know I have a home now. And my Impulse group is great. I know that will be tons of fun. I just can't wait until Wed when we have it again. I think that will be something I'll look forward to each week because its so much fun. And I think I will get along with my group very well. I really miss my grandma lots. She was like my best friend last semester and I could tell her anything. It was nice and I still can except she doesn't write me long email back. I wish she would it would make it better. But that's ok she's still getting the hang of the Internet. Some day she'll learn how to use it and become a pro. I know she will. I hope there isn't anything really wrong with her leg. That wouldn't be good. I'm sure there's not but you never know and she loves to hide it form everybody which is bad because what if there is something really wrong. IT doesn't do any good to hide it from everybody. She didn't let my grandpa do it so why should we let her do it? Not fair and it won't happen.