I have just gotten off the phone with brady. I'm trying to decide what exacly we will do  this weekend. he wants to go to a hotel, but I know I have to babysit and I'm not sure exactly  how I will tell my dad to pick us up from here. My birthday is this weekend, and it doesn't really  even feel like it. I don't really mind, but I have a feeling Brady probably won't do much for it. I  almost feel like I'm always doing something for him. I should, I really care about him. He says  he will pay for the hotel, but I don't really want that for my birthday. I'ts just not htat important  to me. I feel guilty today for lying to my dad about gettin gout of the TIP program. I know that  sometimes I have to lie about things like that in order for them to understand. I haven't heard  from my mom so I'm not sure if she's mad at me or not. She probably doesn't care, but when  she does find out she will freak. I wish Brady would pay more attention. He tries so hard, but it  doesn't seem like he has the chance to do so. I need to work out. I'm feeling that although I  don't weigh that much my weight is getting out of control. Perhaps I'm overreacting. Kristen  and I went shopping yesterday. I really don't plan on shopping anymore. Yikes. We don't really  need anything anyways. I need a strapless bra though. I'm surprised I didn't get one. oh well. I wish I could figure out what to do on Friday with Brady. I want Kristen to be able to hang out  with us too. He's concerned that I tell her too mucha bout our personal life, but I really don't. Dana kind of pisses me off. Why is everyone so negative about a caring relationship?  She's  probably just jealous, she hasn't been able to keep a guy at all for a long time. I'm concerned  for her because I don't want her to be doing drugs anymore, but she probably is. She has too much  sex too. lol. It's hard to not be concerned with what your friends are doing. Kristen is  surprisingly very understanding to everything that's going on in my life. She's caring and funny  to be around. I wasn't sure what to expect since she's friends with Kristin, Hayley etc. They  apparently aren't waht I expected them to be. They play if off to be all God-like, when in all  realtiy they judge pretty much everyone. I don't think that is right. Although I'm not that  religious, I do care about God and don't think that those kinds of behavior are fair. I'm looking  att he picture of Brady and me. Kris was kind of weird about the whole boyfriend thing. I hope  that brady and I last. I would do anything to spend the rest of my life with him. I care about  him so much, and the distance hurts. I think it isi probably for the best though. I can't imagine  having to go to school with him. His roommates aren't as crazy as I thought, but bad enough. I  jut hope that he doesn't get heavy into drinking,a nd I don't assume he will. Sarah is a bitch, I  can't believe she comes off like taht. ugh, it really bothers me. I wonder what it's like at home  without me there. My mom is making a big deal about me not calling, but in all honesty I just  don't care. I don't know why I'm so unfeeling lately. It's probably because I'm about to start my  period. maybe I'll skip it this month, in fact I probably will. I don't usually have allergies, but for  some reason my eyes keep tearing. It's either my contacts or allergies. I just changed my  contacts though. I really have to pee. The eyes watering is a little embarrassing. Sometimes I  wish I coiuld do more. I kind of wish I woul dhave rushed to be in a sorority. I feel as though I  ahve no friends because I have lost them to brady. Should I go to florida with my parents during  spring break or should I spend time with Brady instead?  Maybe I could make money  babysitting. That would be nice. I hope my parents aren't mad because I want to babysit on  Saturday instead ofdoing my birthday thing. I don't see why it would be that big of a deal, but  apparently it is. I kind of want to go tanning, but it's not good with my current skin situation and  whatnot. that reminds me of richard rush. I wonder how he is doing. Spoiled brat. I'm really  hungry too. I'm not sure what I'm going to eat, but I wish Kristen would get here so taht we can  go eat. That would be really good. lol. I'm hoping that I won't look old when I'm 25 or so. Heck, I don't even know what I want to do with my life. I almost feel as though if I marry Brady  will accomplish everything. I want so badly to be with him forever. NO one understand me like  he does. I wish I had saved myself for him, like he did for me. How is he able to only commit  to me?  I must care about him so much that he feels like he should. I'm glad that I've gotten to  know hhis family a lot better. his mom is honestly really nice to me, and I don't ahve a problem  with her anymore. It would be awesome to be ilke paris hilton. She's has it really good. I  wonder what it would be like if my parents lived more like they should. They are always trying  to save money when in reality being multi-millionaires does not mean that you should only do  that. Perhaps it's a shock from the inheritance or something. I don't know. It's confusing to  me. Ok, this is getting old. I'm a little tired of writing. It's probably because I'm hungry. I'm a little  confused as to what I should study here at school. I've had an interst in psychology, but do I  really want to do that for the rest of my life. I know it doesn't just end here, but I feel as though  there aren't many options when it comes to what I can do with my life. yay, kristen got back and  we can go eat now. My time is almost over. I'm about to pee in my pants too. AHHHHH!!!!! some people try to hard