Right now I am realizing how tired I am after such a long day of work. I worked all day today and I think I have sneezed at least 100 times. I wonder if I have allergies. My kitten is crawling across the keyboard. Man, do I type really slow or what. I probably won't be able to type very much in 20 minutes. I am really frustrated with by boyfriend right now. I think that must be a "woman thing. " I don't know. Maybe I am a little hard on him. I don't know. I just really wish he could be more open with me a communicate with me better. I really wish he would tell me how he truly feels about me and about us. I am so frustrated with it all. I be psychologists get a lot of complaints about men from us women. I am really sure of that. I am really realizing that men don't communicate very well about relationships. Unless you are talking about football or cars, you might as well forget. it. I really don't know how to take his comment this weekend that he likes cars better than he likes women. I really take offense to that comment. I really think that that is personally directed to me. I don't know. I know he is not sure about us and I pray all the time that he will know how he feels about things and us, but so far that prayer is sill out there. I really don't know what to do now. I am not trying to make him choose me or hit the road, but I just don't want this to drag on for five years of my life and then end. I just don't want to waste any more time in my life. I know if I would have stayed with my high school boyfriend, we would probably be married by now and maybe even be happy, but things never felt complete with him and I am so glad that I realized that back then. With Stephen, things feel so much more real and I really think that is why things have seemed so much harder. We have been through a lot this past year together. With my whole surgery and illness, he sure was great. A lot of men that might have to deal with a sick girlfriend going through surgery and IV treatments would run and never look back. Not him. Thankfully God gave him the patience to put up with me and stick things out with me and help me get through such a trying time. This past year really has been a trying one. I was in the hospital numerous times, had about 8 inches of my small and large intestines removed, went through a four month new IV treatment and all at the same time tried to find a medication that would help keep my body in remission. I am thankful that I am now in the remission that I have longed for and I think my doctor has found a successful dosage and mixture of medications that are helping keep me stable. God has answered so may prayers and is continuing to watch over me. Being sick has really opened my eyes to a lot and helped me grow so much as a person. I really have had to grow up dealing with such a horrible illness. Its really hard being 21 dealing with a chronic illness that you know there is no cure for and having to deal with it daily, either by pain or medications or doctors. I think I am down to taking about 17 pills a day now. I was taking about 25. Stephen said I would jiggle when I walked. I think I still do. My doctor is continuing to decrease my medications thankfully. Looking at the clock my time is up. Hope this doesn't bore you too much. Take care!