I REALLY DON'T KNOW OR THINK THAT I HAVE HAVE ANY CHANCE OF FINISHING COLLEGE. I FEEL SOMETIME THAT THE ONLY REASON I AM HERE IS FOR MY PARENTS AND FAMILY AND THE SATISFACTION THAT I WILL FEEL WHEN THEY ARE ALL TOGETHER AT MY HOUSE FOR MY GRADUATION PARTY. I PERSONALLY FEEL THAT COLLEGE IS A OLD WAY OF THINKING. I FEEL THAT ONE IS BROUGHT UP TO BELIEVE THAT THEY HAVE TO FOLLOW A CERTAIN TRACK IN LIFE ALL TO OFTEN. WITH THE WAY THAT THE ECONOMY IS NOW AND THE WAY THAT JOB SECURITY IS, I FOUND IT HARD TO BELIEVE IN THE BELIEF THAT ONE SHOULD GO TO COLLEGE GET AN EDUCATION AND GO OFF INTO TO WORK FORBE AND WORK THERE WAY UP THE COPORATE LADDER. A LADDER THAT HAS BEEN LAID OUT BY PEOPLE WHO HAD THE KNOWLEDGE TO KNOW THAT IN MOST CASES COLLEGE AND THE EDUACTIONAL SYSTEM IS DESIGNED TO TRAIN OTHERS TO BECOME PRODUCTIVE WORKERS FOR OTHERS. I FEEL THAT THE SMALL AMOUNT OF PEOPLE WHO DO BECOME FINACIALLY SECURE AT THE LEVEL I SOMEDAY WISH TO BE UNDERSTAND THAT IF YOU WANT TO MAKE MORE MONEY THEN OTHERS YOU HAVE TO DO THINGS THAT ARE OUTSIDE OF THE  NORM. THE REASON EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK YOU DON'T SEE TONS MILLIONAIRES IS BECAUSE ONLY A HANDFULL OF PEOPLE HAVE THE COURAGE TO STEP OUTSIDE OF THE NORM OF SOCIETY AND DO THINGS THIER OWN WAY. THIS IS THE PROBLEM THAT BRINGS ME THE MOST STRESS RIGHT NOW IN MY LIFE. I CAN'T HELP BUT TO THINK THAT MAYBE ME THINKNING THIS IS A SIGN THAT I AM MEANT TO FOLLOW THIS PATH OF BREAKING OUT OF THE NORM. BUT AGAIN I LOOK INSIDE OF MYSELF AND WONDER IF I HAVE THE COURAGE MYSELF TO DO IT. I HAVE TRIED NUMEROUS TIMES TO STEP OUT OF THIS NORM BUT FIND MYSELF RUNNING BACK TO THE NORM FOR SECURITY. I WONDER SOMETIMES IF THIS SHOULD THIS EVEN BE A FACTOR IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW ONLY BEING 21. BUT THEN I SEE PEOPLE WHO I WOULD LIKE TO BE LIKE AND THIER LIFESTYLES AND SEE THAT THEY HAVE THE THINGS I WANT AT MY AGE AND SOME CASES EVEN YOUNGER. AM I IN FACT WASTING MY LIFE AWAY SITTING IN A CLASS ROOM FILLED OF 500 PEOPLE WHOS AMBITIONS IN LIFE MIGHT BE TO BE NOTHING MORE THEN NORMAL. I MYSELF CAN'T STAND TO BE IN THE NORM. I WANT TO GO MY OWN WAY AND DO THINGS THAT MAY BE A LITTLE CRAZY OR RISKY, BUT THEN AGAIN I GUESS THAT IS WHY I'M WRITING THIS NOW. A SAD ATTEMPT TO FILL TIME UNTIL I HAVE TO COURAGE TO DO MY OWN THING. MAN WRITING FOR THIS LONG HURTS YOUR HANDS . I BET THE BEERS WILL KILL THAT PAIN. WHY DO I DRIN K EVERYDAY. IS IT BECAUSE I FEEL I HAVE BETTER SEX AFTER I HAVE HAD A FEW DRINKS? I KNOW THAT IS WHY. I FIND MYSELF DOING THAT A LOT. WHY ARE WOMEN SUCH A BIG PART OF MY LIFE. IS THAT THE REAL REASON I WANT TO BE RICH AND FAMOUS, SO I CAN GET ANY WOMEN I WANT? WHAT MAKES ME THINK THAT I CAN'T GET THOSE WOMEN KNOW. WHY DO I FEEL ASHAMED WHEN I TALK TO WOMEN NOW ABOUT MY MAJOR AND HOW I REALLY DON'T HAVE A HIGH PAYING MAJOR. I GUESS I COULD SAY I'M WAITING TO BE A SELF MADE MILLIONAIRE BUT HOW MANY PEOPLE SAY THAT. WHAT IS THAT SMELL. DAMN MY ROOMMATE STINKS. WHY IS HE SO SHORT, WHY DOES HE HAVE A SEVERE CASE OF LITTLE MAN SYMDROM. I THINK HIS GIRLFRIEND WANTS ME. DAMN I SOUND LIKE A NIP TUCK SHOW GUY. THAT WOULD BE A COOL JOB. BUT TO MUCH SCHOOL FOR PLASTIC SURGEN. I REALLY NEED TO STOP DIPPING COPENHAGEN. I WONDER IF SOMEONE IS GOING TO READ THIS. IF THEY DO I WONDER WHAT THEY WILL THINK. MY ATTENTION SPAN SUCKS. I KNOW I HAVE ADD BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO TAKE THE TEST, BUT ILL TAKE THE MEDICATION. WHY DID I DO SO MANY DAMN DRUGS IN HIGH SCHOOL. HIGH SCHOOL MAN THAT WAS FUN. DRINKING BEFORE SCHOOL. XTC DURING SCHOOL . MAN WE WERE A CRAZY CREW. I'M HAPPY I STILL TALK TO LIKE 70 PERCENT OF THE OL BOYS AND GIRLS. ITS COOL HAVING GOOD FRIENDS , EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE A FEW. I WONDER IF THEY LOOK UP TO ME FOR BEING ABLE TO DRINK THE MOST. IS THAT WHY I DO? THAKS FOR THE TIME.