it is wednesday. I can't wait until friday because I am going home to see brandon. I miss him so much. I can't wait to see him. two more days. this has been a very long two weeks. time passes very slowly here. I have a lot of free time on my hands when I am not in class. class. psychology class. psychology is fun so far. it really interests me, and prof. pennebaker is funny. chapter two sort of scared me though. how am I going to remember all of those terms. I didn't even finish reading it because I didn't understand it. but I should have becasue matt said that it was interesting. he was telling me about how they cut some part of a cat's brain out in an experiment. that is weird. the poor cat. matt is weird too. I always wonder if he likes me. he can be so mean when other people are around but so nice when it is just the two of us. I did feel pretty uncomfortable around him today in class. it was weird to sit right next to him. those seats are so close. I wish christina was not dropping psychology. I need her. I was so excited that we would have a class together. I feel like she ditched me. I guess I will get used to that because she is an architect. oooo. I guess I am a little jealous because she will have all of her architect friends, and who will I have?  hmmm. also architecture sounds so much smarter than education or communication. communication. if I even get in. how am I ever going to get an appopintment with that leslie thomas? she will never call me back. I will just go tomorrow morning and wait until she is free like mc told me. and bring a book. and sit and wait. I will feel so dumb. why am I so nervous about talking to her?  why am I nervous about typing this? I don't want to be in philosophy. it is too hard. I am not smart enough. I don't know. I wonder if that was really tobin I saw today in psychology. it looked like him. as much as I remember him. that is so weird. why do I keep thinking about him. I only talked to him once. I will probably never see him again. I don't know if I will even go to philosophy tomorrow. I want to see him again. why do I want to see him again?  that is weird. I feel guilty for thinking aabout another guy. what about brandon?  I still like brandon. love him. I miss him. I want to see him. I don't want anyone else but him. I wish he was here with me. then I would not feel so alone. alone. junior senior freshman. I am a freshman. it is so obvious. why? because I look young?  becasue I look scared? like I don't know where I am where I am going what I am doing. that I don't belong. I don't belong. it will take time. this is like high school but worse but better. I was so scared freshman year in high school. I hated lamar. but I didn' want to go anywhere else. brandon. I wish we went to the same high school. that would be cool. every time I see a couple I think of him. I miss him. I am so pathertic. alden. was he right? he made me so mad. he can be so rude. why are we friends?  he can be nice. he is older. smarter. meaner. mean. hmmm how much time left time time time. passes slowly when you think about it. I should nopt think about it. I have a whole year here without brandon. this dorm. it smells. our bathroom smells. the cafeteria smells. my eye hurts I wnat to take my contacts out I don't want to meet guys with gina and erin. what is there obsession. I think about it too much. so do they. when you think aobut it nothing happens. when you don't something does. I think aobut not thinking about it. fate destiny. GOD. I wish I was a better person. I wish that I had a better relationship with God. I wish that I was happier. I wish I was a little buit taller. that is a stupid song. just like that money on my mind song that reminds me of jimmy moore. I hate him.