How's it going to be when you don't know me anymore, Janice is the person Phillipines dancing dia de los muertos the Doritos chip girl rain umbrella closet I want to be the creator I want to be the beginning the middle and the end there's so many ways to go about this gateway I remember that heaven's gate thing where everybody killed themselves committing suicide is not good the ut clock tower was closed not because of the shooting but all the people who jumped off got to go skydiving maybe I'll be accepted to that freefall program through rotc who knows will I be able to juggle all of these components of my life, will my paradigm be changed, my paradigm is my way of thinking has this already changed without me knowing over the past few days no because I have a journal to record all of my memories in all of my thoughts usually what I think is funny what is funny standup and make people laugh what a joy to entertain others my toe hurts I shouldn't have been trying to impress my roommates hopefully it will heal soon toes always heal fast think that way jeff and it will happen you can do it adam sandler is so funny do you have any chewing gum the alphabet stares me in the eyes as does the poo lying on my bedspread waiting to annoy me as I wake from my deep slumber it's not easy fitted briefs rule if I didn't have them life would be much harder but I feel like I am some sort of baby when I was a baby my first word was juice I miss Christine so much it all comes down to that it's the bottom line I need her to be completely happy or do I just need someone ideally her but I could settle for another it's so hard to forget her sure she's so far away but there's a great chance we could be together in the end all it takes is time dedicated to staying in touch pushing the right buttons keeping her interested without pushing it and smothering her I can do this so many girls at ut so many everywhere what's going on in their heads today I eave dropped on someone's conversation it wasn't real it was like the extras in my life holding a conversation for the sake of ambience just for background noise the convo had no substance no validity it was fake and I know that my life is some sort of show being played somewhere maybe everyone else is real in their own context but I am the center I'm sure that was a theory I learned in Siskovics senior year came and went like water under a bridge red Volvo I want to have a nice big truck like Travis Herzog and cruise around without a care in the world no stress I had to ride my bike to campus today what a drag went to the drag today didn't see the beggars what lovely incisors someone said but they weren't really there what o'clock is it what direction where am I going the world is spinning my neck hurts my toe hurts that is not the only hurt my body carries like a vessel of insanity I lurk about trying to find my ideal tag team wrestling partner what would he look like is there anyone out there that looks exactly like me I'm sure it is possible I mean James Wollums and I look so much alike and this was just San Antonio I want to hear her voice laughing and calling my name I want to see her smile glistening and feeling the same just feeling is an experience why do we all take our senses for granted it's not like you're the champ champ I can be a mean champ tom green just runs through my cells like a fox jumping over the cow who in turn is jumping over the moon what axiom said we no no but an epiphany turns me moves me out of insanity and I'm back on squishy Astroturf hearing smelling biscuits does a blonde tell jokes about brunettes the eyes are the window to the soul what is a soul I've never touched one or maybe I have and I just don't know it we can only comprehend so much and who is to say that we only use 11% of our brain how can they come to this judgment I could qualify anything and throw it into a book and it would be the authority, no? Of course not that is crazy horses running laps doing layups shooting baskets I miss it all if I could go back there just to smell the gym to feel the sweat on m jersey to hear the crowd as it cheers for my 2 free throws red hair bobby are you my butler no no fresh prince come again albertson's it's your store you see my thoughts have no grammar so screw you screw it where did this word come from who made it what phonetical background does it have I don't care exclamation point dear journal name your kids journal so that the whole world writes to them it's be fair game for them to open up any journal and say it's theirs to read why not snot allergies ah allegra my mind is so boggled by this I am infiltrated with media if I could get out if you only knew.