ahs10/essays-big5 huggingface dataset:
The cell phone just rang. It was my roommate's phone so I didn't pick it up. I had a great weekend. All I can think about is my exboyfriend. How stupid am I to be writing about something like my exboyfriend. He makes me feel so weak. He is my Achilles heal. He makes me feel like no other can. He manipulates me like no other. In a good way. He is all I can think about sometimes. I'm listening to Dave Matthews. I am wondering by the time I am done with this assignment whether or not I will selfdiagnose myself with ADD because I know I will jump from one thought to another. I will stop at 3:33PM. Right now it is 3:17. I ate breadsticks today with my good friend Ngozi. We have been friends for 7 years. Tomorrow I get to see Jets to Brazil at Emo's. I am extremely excited. Sometimes I draw blanks on what to type. Interesting. The blinking of the computer is bugging me. I am listening to Dave Matthews right now. He can be a little too jazzy for me. I am not a big fan of the saxophone. I don't like Kenny G. Even though he doesn't play the sax. I just called my best friend at OSU. She hates it there. The thing is, writing for a good twenty minutes is hard. I got all my thoughts out just a minute ago because I wrote in my journal. I have my own website where I have journal entries and pictures and various other interesting things. After this I will do the pretesting. I hear it is pretty long. That's never fun. I hate the food at Andrews. It tastes like a bunch of nothing. I also feel like keeling over after I eat the food, too. I am not using Microsoft Word for this. This is straight typing into the submit form. You think in a room of 540 kids there would be some boy to catch my eye. guess what? Not one. I still love my exboyfriend. Why do I jump back to him? I went to a frat party last Friday. It was fun, but I don't think I could date a frat guy. They are not really my type. I wish I could get over my exboyfriend. But would that be a good thing or bad? Who says I need to get over him? He was my first, possibly my last. I think he has very strong feelings about me too. I wonder though. Boys can be very ambiguous at times. Why can't we all be blunt? My Kirby Lane experience has been forever tainted. My food was cold and I saw a girl toss her cookies in the parking lot. People can be so irresponsible sometimes. They need to know their limit, or just take care of their business in the privacy of their own place not in front of Kirby Lane. My hands are crampy from all this typing. This is an interesting project. Anyway, I am going home this weekend. Back to Grand Prairie. I miss my niece. Her name is Ashley Rene Johnson. She is adorable. She just turned two and I wonder if she remembers me. I hope she is talking more. She is beginning to worry me. she barely talks. A homeless man hit on me today! In front of Bevo's! I was startled, but was I guess flattered. He had sunglasses on, so maybe he saw a distorted version of me. He called me beautiful. Hardly. It is getting cold. I am anxious to reread this writing assignment. It is 3:33. Thank you.
Well, it's been a long day. I'm really tired but I am not very excited about going to my last class, just because right after I get out I have to rush home, change clothes, and go to work. I can think of a million other things I would much rather be doing, ya know?   But, hey, that's just life, right?  It actually feels good to be working again. I always seem to get more accomplished in school, when I have a set routine. Last year, I was just a huge mess. All I did was party, never go to class, wake up and feel like crap all day. I'm only 20, but I feel like I'm already finished with my days where I don't remember anything or have a clue as to what's going on. It makes me laugh. Anyway, so it really annoys me in the library when people have their stupid cell phones on and they start ringing and then they answer it and just start chatting in a regular tone. Or on the bus!  I don't care to hear everyone's conversations they have, but they talk like they want everyone to know what they're doing. I just thought about that because it just happened a few times in a row. But I'm not really anal about anything. I'm already thinking about what I want to do when I get off work tonight. It's the weekend, yea!!  I hope Nick comes into town. I haven't talked to him in like almost 2 weeks. It's really weird. I can't even understand it myself. I'm crazy about this guy and I have been for about 6 months. He says that he thinks about me all the time too. It's just like some sort of connection I felt with him from the first time I sat down and talked to him. It's weird because we just hang out and are just like the same person. He's so funny too. But we never talk or tell each other how we feel unless we're just trashed and then we vaguely remember what we said. I'm usually not like that with guys as far as not being straight up, but right now I think it's just maybe not worth it to try to get involved because he lives in houston and I am obviously here. It's like, I know it's a mutual feeling, but I wouldn't want anything to ever mess up between us, I'd rather just wait until I know the time is right and then we can be together. Anyway enough about all that. I want to go home and hang out with my family. I love them so much. They're all just so cool. I would rather be with them than any of my friends I grew up with back home. My shoulders are so tight. It's from lugging around this heavy backpack all day. The first couple of weeks of school, I didn't even have a backpack so I hauled around this little pink Clinique plastic kind of hand bag with all my books. That was funny. I always had to laugh at myself, I'm laughing right now. I can just picture myself walking around campus. This cute guy just walked by. Well, I really just liked his hair. I love kind of long, messy hair with curls coming out of hats. They're so sexy. and dark eyes. I love dark eyes. They just seem to be so seductive. I have no problem whatsoever staring at anybody directly in the eyes. Sometimes I think I might even scare people. I feel like I can just see right through people. It's not because I think they're necessarily cute, or even that I want to talk to them.
this assignment should be interesting but at the same time inhibited my slow typing. I do not like to use computers especially the internet. I had such problems on the internet when I was applying to ut that I almost did not get in because of them. but I am here now and happy. the one thing I am surprised about at ut is that there aren't more blacks or persons of color. I guess that is just the way things go. there are a lot of other ethnicities represented here though. my high school graduating class of 100 had 6 minorities in it. ut is a bit of a change. but for the better I am sure. my high school on Houston was private and some would venture to say snobby. I agree but a lot of times it was nice being in a homogeneous world. it reminds me of our country club in Houston. 1000 memberonly wasp. it is really not all that bad, though from a member's perspective. I like being one in a big heard of the same type of people. that is why I joined a fraternity up here at ut. it is fun and a good way to meet girls and guysmostly whom are white. I totally understand, value, and enjoy the perspectives of minorities though. last year in a history discussion class there was a Hispanic girl and she brought so many unique and amazing perspectives to the table although most of them had to do with religious based ideas. Speaking of religion I need to get some while I am up here in college. nobody has enough time for religions up here it seems but wouldn't that be so much better if they did. I find religion to be the best thing on the face of the earth although I do not get or have enough. the problem is it is difficult to do so and the results are not as immediate as a good grade on a test or anything else you work hard for. I miss my home church but I will probably end up going back there. I probably will end up moving back to Houston when all of my schooling is done. just like my dad and his dad's dad. I am a 7th generation Harris county resident and that makes me happy. I wonder how many times I have used the word 'I' in this writing. how many minutes have I written for only five to go. I might be a slow typist. never could type to well. not good hand eye coordination. my brother has good hI coordination. my wisdom teeth hurt and I need to get them removed or just take some more Advil. speaking of Advil and the thing that I thought I would be using them the most for, hangovers, I don't even drink half as much up here at school as I did back in high school. maybe that is a good thing. 2 more minutes. my hands are a bit sore. what to write or think about. today was a good day I hope that that girl I met at dinner tonight has an interest in me and not my friend Michael. she said she liked Michael. He has a girl friend though who is coming to town soon. I bet she is good looking
What time is it. I need to be at the house at ten. My mouth feels like the sensation you get right before you throw up. They say that Gatorade is a thirst quencher but why does it make your mouth so dry. It is so quiet right now. As I stare at my roommates applied calculus book I am lost in the colors. The bright colors formed in various shapes and sizes make a maze for my wandering eyes. I wonder what I have to write for the other assignment. God, I could really use a shower. It seems like I have been sweating all day. I wonder where my roommates are and what they are doing?   My roommates are slobs. I feel as if I am in a sea of clothes as I sit here on my roommates computer. I wonder if that picture of Bevo was ever really a picture that was taken by somebody or was it all just from computers. If it was a picture that was taken I wonder what that bull was thinking. he was probably thinking how ridiculous humans are. Actually, he was probably thinking where the best area in the pasture to eat grass is. I don't like this assignment very much. I feel like some druggy. Look at the colors man, and all the shapes. I don't know. It's kind of cool to put down on paper the th9ings you are thinking.
stream of consciousness - well, The first thing that comes to mind is why exactly do I have to do this? I know college is going to be more difficult than high school, but projects like this don't have any meaning to me, honestly. I am wondering what will become of me after my collegiate studies. I want to become a doctor but then again I want to be a musician too. I mean I have been playing the piano, singing, acting, speaking, directing bands, and performing for almost all of my life. I want to continue but a part of me is saying - You need to become a doctor because you love biology, anatomy, and physiology; you can be financially secure if you become a doctor! I want to tell myself don't worry about it and what happens will happen. I don't know what to write about anymore! I'm laughing at myself because whatever I am typing I am literally reading it out loud to myself as I write it. I'm thinking is that normal? Anyway, I'm now listening at the keys of the keyboard and the sound that they make, and I am amazed as just how fast I type without formal or informal training. I then think about how blessed I am to be here in college with the opportunity to follow my dreams, once I figure out which dream is possible or realistic. How do I know that my major is the right one? I mean, I am now a microbiology/pre-med ,major and I don't know if that's my fate. Should I be in the college of fine arts and the school of music attempting to become a vocalist which is my other dream for myself. I am looking at how long I have been typing. Only 13 minutes. The phone just rang and I had to answer it; I hate that happened because I was interested to find out what this paper would end up like if I would write continuously. What am I talking about? Well, anyway, I enjoy music and stage. I like volleyball and am very upset that there aren't any male teams in high school or college that are competitive with other schools. My contacts are bothering me; somehow I have the ability to blink awkwardly and move my contact around so that they feel somewhat more comfortable. well, I was just disturbed for about 15 minutes because one of my friends came over to ask how to install his Ethernet card. But guess what I am almost done . I just have a few more minutes. I don't what to write about. I hope that this class is going to be very beneficial. I hope to learn alot because psychology, esp. the physiological aspects really interest me. I'm wondering whether or not I will get an "A" this semester for PSY 301. Well, I'm done!
I am worried about how I can save my $30 until the end of September. I need to buy 2 books and groceries and personal stuff. I am thinking that I need to find a part time job somewhere on-campus very soon. I also feel guilty about not going home to my family over Labor Day. I know I should visit them but every time I spend long periods of time with them ie. days, they really start to piss me off and then I get into a bad mood. So instead of going to visit them over Labor Day I think I am going with some friends to visit some friends in Houston. I miss my friends back home. This school is really big and sometimes I feel all alone. My classes are starting to stress me out, especially my rhetoric and composition class. I cannot write very well so I probably won't do well in that class. I feel like I'm writing in a diary which is wierd because I've never kept a diary contains all my thoughts and feelings. When I was little and had a diary I just wrote what I ate for lunch and who I sat and played with at reces or who I had a crush on. I just found a bobby pin in my hair from last night. That's kind of embarrassing, I hope no one saw it. I'm supposed to keep writing for ten more minutes but I don't really know what else to write. I have to e-mail my mom, cousin and some friends later. I hope my friend doesn't have to go to jail. No one has heard about his trial that was the other day. Maybe I'll call them later on and find out what happenned. I am so hungry. I can't wait for lunch. I son't know why I've been getting cravings for salty foods because usualy I would always look for ice cream, but lately I've had cravings for chex mix, pizza, chips and stuff like that. I hope I filled out the right pre-testing survey for psychology because I saw a button you click on in this web page, but this isn't the one that I went to. I forgot to bring a pencil with me. I wonder what my ex-boyfriend is doing now. I still miss him even though he was a big jerk and I really don't want to get back with him. I think people will always have feelings for their ex'es even long after they've broken up. I miss my sister too. We never really got along until about 3 or 4 months ago. I feel bad about never really being a nice sister. I always teased her and I knew it hurt sometimes. I wrote her a letter before I went to  college. I hope she's read it. I think I've been writing for 20 minutes but I'm not sure so I'll keep writing for two more minutes. hmm. well this kind of makes me feel better to let all of my thoughts out instead of keeping most of them inside my head.
Right now I'm feeling kind of stressed about school. economics especially. I'm really not enjoying that class. it is difficult and I haven't met anyone in the class I can ask for help. the only reason I'm taking this class is because I want to transfer to the business school. and if I don't like economics I'm wondering if all this work I'm doing is worth it. am I going to work really hard in economics all year, get into the business school and then realize I don't even like business?  I sure hope not. the reason I chose business is because I like math and I like english but I don't want to major in just math or english and business seemed to be the right combination of both. I've also thought about opening my own gymnastics or cheerleading gym when I grow up and business would really help me do that. I just hope what I'm doing right now will pay off for something in the end. I'm also torn as to wether I want to try out for the diving team. I dove in high school part time and I thought I would give it a try in college. I really wanted to cheer for texas and I tried out but didn't make it so diving is the next best thing. I don't know though if I should concentrate on cheerleading and join an allstar squad and then tryout again next year or if I should give diving a shot to be involved with an organization at ut. I thought I was going to be happy with diving but now that school has started I'm not so sure anymore. I am really enjoying myself right now without diving. I have some free time, I'm not stressed cause I have a lot to do all the time like in high school but I wonder if diving will make me more stressed and I worry I won't have enough time to study and my grades will fall. it is really important to me to make good grades right now. I am worried I am going to get to my first test and not know anything. I feel like I'm studying right now and doing all my homework and so forth but I don't know if when it comes down to it if I'm really going to konw the information. I think I'm just nervous about taking a college test. I don't know what to expect and I think after my first test I wll be ok with everything. its just what I don't know is what makes me nervous.
I am watching an italian movie called "respiro" it basically about a crazy woman in a little town in italy. it made me wonder what etitles someone to call another human crazy or even a lunatic. also what emotions should be those o someone different. I feel that maybe those whact in their own way are freer than those supressed bya society. why do we have to follow the same pattern as everyone else. care about politics. informed of what happens inthe world. speak two or more languages and communicate to each other and try to conprehed different cultures. wonder if the gobalization will end in making sa homogeneoussociety. will we everget to that point were we can finally agree taht we are the same. or is it gona be like the constant fighting in the middle east. were ina  documentary I HBO a little palestinian boy stronly beleived that there would never be peace in his land. How can a little boy be so certain. think is incredible because I am not even certain about what I am even writting or thinking here. are soe beliefs so strong that they can't be stopped. were do they come from. if tehy are all in our minds is there a way to make them change thugh science. could we washed brains in the search for peace. probably not. I just feel such an espectator in a geat movie and not doing anything. I also wonder if ill ver be recognized at some point. or may ill just go unnoticed. I guess I already understood that you meet different peope at different times and ou will always oose contact with them and the proess starts again. so should I try o make the greatest effort in becomingtses peoples fiends or just use them for he time being and move on. my computer doesn't work and my roommates keyboard is old and the buttons get stuck. whoever reads this assignment si going to think I have horible spelling. should I care?? I care about the assignent because it counts twards my grade, but shoudl I care about the opinion in the graders head apart from them just rading it. I don't know. What to write. I guess the thought taht have been in my head the most recently. welll my best friends mom is dying of cancer. I don't know how o deal with te situation wha do you tell a friend. It made me woder what to do with my tme because I can not even imagine what would it feel like that your time si runing out. I'm not going to saysomething like live evryday to he fullest and all that hallmark stuff. but I do wonder what you think at night knowing you going to die. I don't think I would be scared of dying, but if not doing everything I wnated to do in one life time. Also believe that its incredible how many thoughts g on in our heads I could never write the all. it will take a life time.
I hope I can finish this assignment in time because I am really stressed right now. I have a lot of stuff to do. I have to go to eat dinner at the house in a little bit and then I have to do my calculus homework. I dont have time to sleep or anything I have been having fun but I am so tired and I think I am getting sick. I am definitely stressed out. I have to get up to go to the bathroom. I wonder if I have met the girl that I am going to marry in the past three weeks. all of this is just so overwhelming . I am in terrible shape and my body hurts all the time. I am hungry and tired and dirty, but I know that I will be okay once I can get organized and get on top of things. I need to talk to my family
Its like you're nothing but your social security number. I don't mind not getting the attention like I'm use to but I do miss the comfort zone. Highschool was just so easy. College is just time consuming, especially pledging my frat. I don't understand why people complain about hazing, I haven't been hurt in any way. The one thing that does kill me is the lack of sleep though. Four hours a night is not going to cut it. And there is no chance to take a nap because I have so much homework. Atleast I'm learning about priorities. I know school must come first and so far I haven't missed a class yet. I want to do good so my father will be proud. I always said I was going to take care of my family when I graduate and now its gametime. I just hope there's no overtime because this first minute of the first quarter is already kicking my butt. Everytime I just take a little step, I remember that I've got something else I still need to do. College sucks, but the girls are gorgeous. So I guess I can bear a little stress to meet these girls. I just picked up the phone and it was another salesman. I need to invent a caller-id that says somethimg better than out of area every time somebody calls. I hate these stupid people trying to sell me the national statesman. I keep getting interrupted during this thing and its driving me crazy. It seems like eveytime you sit down to do something somebody always disturbs you. But when you have nithing to do, everybody stays away. I'm telling you, this psycology class has to be a joke because its impossilbe to understand the human mindset. I can't more than 5 seconds thinking about understanding why I do something without getting frustrated. I just hope everything falls into place. I think UT should only let freshman take 9 hours their begining semester because college life is so hard to adapt to.