ahs10/essays-big5 huggingface dataset:
I wish polygamy was still legal. Well, not polygamy, but i wish i could take more than one girl to texas OU weekend.  i have like 4 or 5 girls that i would enjoy taking,k and who are all expecting me to take them, but no matter what i do, i am going to piss like 4 girls off. It kind of sucks. I am glad that i can at least take one date, but it is a complicated matter when it comes to toying with peoples, especially girl's emotions. I think i have pretty much decided on who i am going to ask, but i heard that she has a boyfriend, so im not sure about it any more. While this kind of makes me angry, i guess it helps me out in deciding who i am going to ask. I don't even know, there is a girl who lives down the hall from me, and is actually in this class. I am sure it will all work out anyway.    I guess when it comes down to it i am lucky to even be here. ( at UT ). A subject that occupies my mind a lot of the time is what happened to me this summer. Basically i went out to fraternity rush party, had way to much to drink. I wish to God someone had been there to take away my keys, but no one was, and i got in my car, drove the wrong way and ended up putting my car into a lake. When i say putting, i mean a 30mph plunge down a boat ramp. I realize that i have almost died and i have spent many hours dwelling on what happend, what could have happened, and thank God, where i am now. The only real problem is how i live now. Any other person would have sworn off drinking for good, but i continue to do it, even though i told my parents i wouldn't. This makes me feel guilty, and upset. I don't really know what im going to do about the whole situation, but i am determined to make my parents realize that i am as responsible as ever, and not to disappoint them.   I miss my dog like crazy, which is weird, cause i don't really miss my parents that much. I guess its because i can talk to my parents, but i can't call my dog and see how hes doing. I wish i could have my dog here with me, cause he really is my best friend. I love dogs, they never smart off to you, and they don't stay mad at you.     I love college life, fraternity life, and everything else, i just hope that i don't get too bogged down with partying, and stuff, that ill be to busy to study and do well.
I am thinking about how to write this paper. I can't think of what to write. Jessica is putting papers in her notebook I am typing the ring around te logo is blue. the ring around the logo is blue. someone just entered I would rather be playing music. Andrew says goodnight 1 minute 58 seconds. I'm sort of hungry. I think writing this makes me more hungry. I have so much homework to do and other responsibilities. I wish I had no responsibility at this point in time. I'm worried about psychology because the content seems too easy to take a test on, suggesting I'm understanding the full realm of the content or the full realm of my responsibilities in this class although philosophy is worse. I cannot imagine being tested over anything in that class. Astronomy is just about the most difficult class I've ever taken because it's pure physics and not really learning about the general properties of celestial bodies. I've got a block. I need to write more songs, I haven't been able to write fully in over a year. but I could never be nearly as good as the Pixies so it seems frivolous to even try. water I'm beginning to drift off. I really need to do my homework more often I have way too much. I need a cellphone. I think I'm the only person in Austin with no cell phone. everyone assumes I have a cell phone. I can't even get long distance jessica just stuck her finger in my mouth. she didn't think I'd write that. or that. I'm almost halfway through. I'm sleepy. my girlfriend is sexy. Andrew offered to be her tutor. I'm running out of things to write about. the Pixies are the best band ever. bar none. they incorporate obscure time signatures and lyrics into the most influential sound ever, the only quesionable exception being the Velvet Underground. they were copied by many bands yet don't get credit for it. listen to Weezer's "The Sweater Song" and the Pixies "I Bleed". Weezer was even on their tribute CD. No coincidence. listen to any Nirvana song compared to any Pixies song. Nirvana usually gets the credit for creating the modern alternative genre, but it was the Pixies. the liars are pretty awesome too. same with fugazi. and the desaparecidos, even though bright eyes is conor oberst's creative offspring. but the best up-and-coming band is the unicorns. they're neat. 16 43. it's already nearly 12 o'clock. I don't want to go back to my room because my roommate is boring and I'll miss Jessica. and he'll want to go sleep when I come in, like he was waiting up for me. this is hurting my wrists. Party on the Plaza was a little dull. I realize that I can't truly ever write what I'm thinking because that requires me to give a physical aspect to something that isn't physical and the true meaning of what is being said is restricted to restraining par
It's funny how people allow themselves to be manipulated by words. I was just reading my Philosophy book, and different philosophers were arguing the pros and cons of legalizing drugs. As I read I found myself being manipulated by words. I had to step back and look at things as a whole to determine my own view on situations. I think many people are victims of the society that we have created. We live in a cutthroat world that is very demanding. People feel pressured to please others above themselves. I believe that this can be dangerous. People too often define success by how much money they have, how many cars they have, and what their resume looks like. Many times we try to obtain success at all costs; even at the cost of our own happiness and well being. Students feel pressure from many sources. Many of those sources are our parents. They feel pressure to be a success in their parents eyes no matter what the costs. Even if the costs includes the well being of their self. This is a sad occurrence. We should be encouraged by our parents. Their is a thin line between encouraging and pressuring. We look for that line and do our best to walk as close to it as possible. Its funny how our state of mind changes from time to time. We go from being majorly stressed out to being very calm. Aristotle believed that we should always surf somewhere in the middle, never getting too high or too low. I think that makes some sense. Every time I get stressed out I have to step back and look at things in perspective. Then I ask myself if this "thing" I'm stress about is really worth it. More times than not it isn't. My question is what is the right way to live. If we never push ourselves we never allow ourselves a chance to grow. If we push ourselves too much we run the risk of becoming depressed. I guess like everything else, it all depends on the circumstances. Some things have a tendency to stick in my head. Movie lines for example. I'm always able to remember with great accuracy. Numbers on the other hand, I don't remember so well. What causes that? Is that a gift or a flaw? I have an identical twin brother and we are total opposites. I remember movie lines and he remembers phone numbers very well. Also, we look nothing alike. Isn't that weird. Every time we meet someone and tell them we're identical twins they never believe us. Maybe the doctor made a mistake and told my mom the wrong thing. Identical twins are cool because we have the same genetic makeup. I guess that takes the individuality away a little, but hey, its just like anything else, we've got to take the good with the bad.
I have just gotten home from a two and a half hour rehearsal for an orchestra that I never wanted to be in. I signed up for this orchestra only because I thought it was on optional group. but now I have been stuck in hour long rehearsals which make me very tired and make me get home late and then I have to do all this work and then I'm tired in the morning and am achy all day long. my left shoulder is killing me right now. it's from playing the violin. I think that I raise that shoulder and so then it hurts for long periods of time. I'm supposed to call jeff in 30 min. I haven't talked to him in over a week and I really miss talking to him. it's strange how I can go months without talking to him and then once I've talked to him, I get these urges to talk to him again. sometimes it seems as if he doesn't want to talk to me, but deep down I know he does. I don't know why I'm writing this in my psychology writing exercise, but it's what is in my head right now so that's what I'm writing. you've got mail is on the television right now. I like that movie, however I just saw it this morning, since every movie is on like twice in our dorm. I like taht. we get to see all these movies whenever we like. but actually it kinda distracts me from doing schoolwork. I really wish I could paint or make art. my roommate is on the floor painting a blue sky and it is beautiful. I really like modern art and she is all into it. our room is very nicely decorated since she is very artistic. I think it's strange how kinsolving put two freshmen, both from the houston area, and both fine arts majors together in a room. I kinda like it. it gives me an access to a ride home whenver she's oging. I've never done these stream of consioucness writings before. I kinda like it, but I'm not used to it. I feel like I'm making no sense what soever. I'm going out with this guy from my high school on friday night. it should be interesting, because we haven't talked all summer long and we used to be best friends. so it might be a little awkward. but I think it will be okay. I'm really tired of writing now and I think it's been 20 minutes. so now I get to stop writing and soon I will be able to call jeff.
I keep thinking about the future and how my life will alter during and after college. I wonder how my grades will be after the first term. I hope I can make my parents proud. I don't want my parents to view me as a failure and a screw up I want them to be proud. I want to be accepted by everyone I meet. I want to succed in life. I wonder how my math test will be tomorrow. I just wish that society didn't view people on how much money they make I wish I could go to a place where everyone was the same and there was nothing to worry about maybe the place I'm thinking about is eternal utopia or heaven. I wonder if there is a heaven what happens after death where do we go. do we ever see the "creator" what is the creator is it god or did we evolve through evolution of mico o
Right now, my dad just left and I am feeling homesick and sad. Even though by the time I left home I was so ready to leave, but now seeing him makes me feel really sad. It's not just that I feel sad but I feel guilty to. My dad is so awesome and when I lived at home I never really appreciated him. Sometimes I can be so incredibly selfish and self absorbed. I guess experiences like leaving home are good for us because they help open our eyes and let us see things that we wouldn't ordinarily. At home I was in my own little world which revolved around my school, friends, and family. Now being in Austin with out any of these comforts, I feel much more vulnerable and also naive. Living on the drag can open your eyes more than anything. My dad told me that just yesterday the bank underneath my building got robbed. That kind of stuff freaks me out because I go to that bank constantly and I just never expect anything like that to happen. I really don't understand why people do things like robbing a bank. I guess it's just hard for me to understand how people could feel like they have no other options than to just rob a bank. Although it's probably naive of me to say this, there are so many organizations and programs out there for people which just go so unutilized. I really enjoy working a places like those. I am still consider pledging the APO frat. The only problem is that if I do it's still going to cost me money, even though it's not as much as normal frats. I'm really not sure I can afford that. I spend money so fast up here. I probably need to get a job, but I really don't want to. I think it would be so overwhelming if I was to get a job. It would be a fun way to meet people though. And my managers said that they would be more than willing to get me a job at any of the Austin Macaroni Grill's if I wanted one. I really miss all of my friends from my job. next time I go home I am going to go up there and visit everybody. I am going to visit all of my friends also. I miss them all so much. Last night I called Mandy. It was so good to talk to her again. She is honestly the only person who really understands me. She understands all of this crap that I am going through with Charles. I can not believe that I have been here for 2 weeks and he hasn't called me once. I have no idea what the deal is with him, but if he doesn't want to se me any more then he needs to let me know. Well, time's up.
Relax, formation of thoughts energies retentions obsessions. dreams are an internal future, awake, shake dreams from you hair my prteey child, my sweet one. I hate the doors, overrated. haha. no time for mourning no time for myself, ah no time. I have fingers, delicate pulse wandering after to and thorugh away from the day. think about money take time for god, thats funny god. you prankster you. they are watching, everyone and everything is watching us wait, scream, die. take a life and flush it down, need to blow my nose, dont't have time. portability, portishead, pause, leters, phrases, extenuationg circumstances. ending crashing into denial. green shirt, fuzzy vision, orange face, ugly decision. computer labs, laptops, screens, sucking, good or bad?  I sthe computeer alive, does it feel, how does it know, so much more thatn you and I/  back slash, back flash how did I get here. laet me out of here i need help. don't read the past, just keep on truckin. someone should really rethink the design of a keyboard. Heonstly, who made these things?  I wish I could write with a pen, Ir doesn't even feel  like I am writeng, more like I am manipulating, words are simply appearing before me with strokes on stupid square buttons and blah. I need a lead pencil and some one hundred percent recycled paper, yes. jobs, havoe none. arms, mobing, my brain is telling them to do these things, but my brain operates on cruise contrl for the most part. I have a special softaware program gong on in my own personal computer, if you know what I mean. hehe. music is my love, I don't need men anymore, all Ineed is somethign soothing in my ear, and maybe a kiss on the cheek. wow, I really am pathetic, dearest me o me o my. jump around tinker toy thought to thought, mind wave and magistrate. optiplex, I always needed one of those. stupid dell. are artists really happy?  I wonder, they must be right?  how could they not be, seems most fulfilling. jsut laying yourself out on a canvas, ina pot, ona wall, ina shape, object, form, song, so on and so forth. yadda yadda, bulgaven. electric, electronica, ecstacy, love, adoration, wants and needs, I need attention, I am the first to admit it, I crave desire and love, as I should. who needs tacos?  I'll have one please  take it down, my one, be thine own creation. love yourself, be intoxicating. That has got to be the number one compliment. Imagine if someone says to you , you aer   intoxicating   good lord. must be nice. u are not alone, I need to get out. make space, show reason, study, create, imagine, juxtaposition of arms and legs, entangle a bodies own desire, the fetus cried last night, opt for internal discussion on top of the moon's clocktower, beings of all size, noble vixens and vultures, float and hum a sweet, sad song of remonition
At this exact moment I am wondering how long this twenty minutes is going to last because I am going to falll asleep  soon and I  have a lot of things to do. I wish I could be doing this on my own computer, but the stupid thing wont work, I  think I am computer illiterate. I have had e-mail sitting  there since june and I can't get into it. It is killing me that I'm not able  to talk with all of my friends that went away for college. I shouldn't have waited to do this assignment until now because I need  to finish getting my stuff together to go back to ny dorm room. I am really glad that I was able to get away from her for a day, I always have the worst luck and got an incompatible roommate, but I would rather not have come home. The food is better but my  parents are constantly bothering me. I need to check my messages in my room,I bet there are going to be at least ten, and half of them are going to be from Ben, my ex-boyfriend. Not going to waste my time on him anymore-- why do people cheat on each other, I woant  ever understand that. And what makes him think that just by sayng I Love You htat I am just going to forget everything. Forget hijm,  at  least I have met someone new that I can tlak to heis so sweet and all but I think I should call it off, nothing ever works for me  and I ned to concentrate more on my shcool work. I don't know what to do about guys. I need to meet some more girls to hang out  with, but the only ones I see are all snoby sorority girls  a nd that just isn't me at all. Kyle is such a sweet guy and all but should  I tell him htat I need to slow down and work on my shcool or should I just let things go and see what happens. I'm scared to just go with  the flow, I really like this guy a lot and the last time I felt this way I got hurt and  that pain is still here. Everytimt Ben calls I  get a happy feeling inside until I think of kyle and how he is here now and how Ben messed up when he screwed me over. My mom is yelling at me again I wonder what I did now. Icould be nothing but it will still be my fault for some reason  I swear that if I ever heard my  parents compliment me or say that they were proud of my I would probably have a heart attack right then and there. I wish I wasnt such  a dissapointment  I have never done anything right and if I don't get a 4. 0 gpa they are going to lay it on me because if my sister can do it,  and play volley-ball at ut then I should be able to just sit there and study constently and maybe one day live up to her. My feelings for  Ben and Kyle are so mumble-jumbled in my brain right now that it is starting to hurt from thinking about it all the time. Well what a  surprise my mom is coming to yell at me  as much as I am used to it the tears still come very easily.
Hello, I don't know why I feel that I have to greet you, but I do. and I don't know who "you" are, because I have never tried to communicate with myself. that is so strange to me because I should know me well, because I am me. So. a stream of conciousness, eh? lets begin with the first thing I  look at: the keyboard. it is black, and the lettering is in white, capital letters. I know each of these letters by sound, and sight. how did I learn these? with out them I wouldn't even be here doing this. now I am hearing things. people all around me logging onto their computers just typing away, researching away. now a man is asking a question to one of the information people here. I don't know who they are, like how to adress them, that is. but they are here to help. and for some reason that makes me feel at ease. at ease from  what? I don't know . I guess the world is enough to make my being feel uneasy. my existence in this world makes me feel like I need to be recognized, sensed, felt, heard, or loved. isn't that strange? why do I need to feel this way? I don't know. but that's how I feel. moving on- what is another sense? I've gone over what I am looking at, what I am hearing and what I am feeling. but feeling in an emotional sense, not physical. I could have said I am feeling the contact between my fingers and the keyboard, but instead I chose to elaborate on my internal emotions, and that is not one of the five senses. isn't that strange? so that covers three out of five. what am I tasting right now? well, I don't know how to answer that. I don't know how to describe the taste of my mouth. and even if I was still eating, how could I explain the taste of a hot dog or fries or a banana? the only thing I could say is that "my mouth tastes like hot dog, fries and banana. " but that isn't necessarily what it really does taste like right now. now it tastes like nothingness, I suppose. what does nothingness taste like? I could ramble off synonyms, such as void or empty space even. but that doesn't mean anything untill a person consciously experiences it. right? like when a person learns what strawberry tastes like. there is no possible way to explain exactly the flavor of a strawberry. mmmm strawberries are delicious. that's all I would be able to say. and now I am actually CRAVING a strwberry! even me typing the word, and the big capital way that I spelled "craving" makes me want it even more. I am now trying to take my mind off of the mouthwatering fruit so that I can finish the last three minutes or so of this paper before I leave to go get some strawberries. it is a pretty strong urge for me to leave now but I have discipline. and that is what makes me different from everyone else. I have discipline. I won't leave now because my grade is so important to me. and its paying off, you know why? because I only have 30 more seconds to go!!! I am very happy now at the hought that I don't have to type any
Am not in the best of moods right now. I have something bothering me at this time. But I take my mind of my problems by thinking of happier times or doing my homework. I am worried about some really personal problem which is killing me inside.  However, life goes on. Am good now, or at least not feeling so down. This is my first homework am doing ever since the weekend. Sounds really bad, but I console myself by having it in my mind that, am better off than many others.   AT this very moment Am listening to music while typing. I really like music, it gives me a peace of mind, makeing me feel better. And it always reminds me that, life is what you make of it. If you make it sad, your life is going to be sad and vice versa. I always try to think positively, that helps the mind grow.   I decided to do my assignment now, because I was feeling down ever since last night, and because this is all the time I will have. So if I don't do it now, I`ll probably not have sufficient time.   Guess what! Life in college is very stressing, so I always try to keep a huge distance from the college stress. I always thought that I was too young to get stressed out but now its happening to me. But hey, life must go on, so I am trying to make the best of it, even in times of stress.   I like my life right now, I really don't regret doing any of the wrong things in my past because, I know that they all came a long way to make me a better person, what I am today is a result of my ups and downs so far in my life.    I don`t type that very well, so there will be I hope not too many errors. Life is one of the best things we have. We can and should always try to make an impact in the lifes of others- a GOOD impact.
I thought the whole thing was ridiculous. Most of the questions were so obvious. I was getting frustrated at how dumb some of those questions were getting. They might as well be asking us to recite the alphabet. I can understand wanting our opinions about things, but they should have reworded their questions. Some of those questions made my roommate and I feel kind of stupid to be answering them. Anyway, right now I actually have a lot of things on my mind. I'm homesick, concerned about my classes, and excited about college all at once. I'm adjusting quite well to such a big change in my life. At first, I was constantly lost, frustrated, and worried, but I'm doing much better now that I've met so many people and overcome so many of my fears. I'm not sure what else to write, but I'll continue simply because it hasn't been 20 minutes. I'm loving UT right now, and I'm definitely glad I came here. My roommate and I get along great. We have a lot in common. We just work so well together.