I really don't now exactly what to write. my mind is just blank. I met this really hot guy at my dorm and I want to keep talking to him. he doesn't remind me of Rain Meada at all but what can I say. my vision is blurred today probably because of the ozone warnings. I can't believe that it was 112 degrees the other day. I wish that I would have made the dance team, but I guess I knew that I wouldn't. I really want to change my major. I hate ballet with a passion and today I felt sick to my stomach in class because I hate it so much. brandon makes me so mad because he acts gay all the time. what is up with him and jennifer, why don't they just date or something. I wonder if jen really likes jansen or what. I really want a boyfriend. I dreamed about kevin last night and it was so weird because he was actually being nice. I was sick and in the hospital or something and he was taking care of me. I want to meet justin timberlake so bad. I just want to have sex with him. I miss my brother and I can't believe that my father hasn't called me in over 3 months. And he didn't even come to my graduation. ugh. I really don't like my classes and I already have trouble getting myself to class. I am such a bad student. I wonder where sammy is today? I really want him back but that will never happen. I pretend that there is a chance but I am kidding myself now that he is with mrs. perfect. jen lovey. I don't know that pisses me off so much I want to scream. I think it was the same guy in class today that said mating choices that asked who was single the first day. I will have to go and meet him. I'm hungry and I feel extremely fat. I was thinking today about why people swing their arms when they walk. that reminds me of seinfeld and when Elaine makes fun of the woman who doesn't swing her arms. I think I like patobut I'm not really attracted to him. I wonder if you can actually like someone as in love if you aren't attracted to them. maybe I am and I just don't want to admit it. the mind is so weird. It psychs you out to think one thing but then you get all confused because you don't know if that is what you really think. that was complicated. I feel bad that I have not made time for God in my life and I want to but then I find fun things to do and forget. I need to pray about that. I can't wait to meet the man that I'm going to marry. I'm looking at this picture of my best friend from high school and not one thought comes to my head. sometimes I think that it was good we went our own ways because we were getting tired of each other. I feel bad for casey and I really need to call daniel. patrick is the rudest boy in the world. I don't think he has ever been nice to me. Oh well his loss. I am so broke right now. I need to get a loan but the stupid texas thing is gay and won't work. I wonder if my finger is broken or not. I can't decide if I want to try out for the ut dance team or not. what is up with all my homework. I never have a life anymore. I think I'm really going to hate school. maybe I will drop out and go back home and work at heb. my life is going nowhere. its not like I'm actually going to dance on broadway so what's the point of even trying for it. I hate writing journals for dumb modern class. That's a bunch of crap. this school is so messed up with all its procedures and freaking lines that are always miles long. my feet are killing me. I need to go to the chiropractor. where is melissa. what is she doing? I'm thinking that this is the easiest writing assignment I've ever done. my English teacher mrs. dillard ran away with another teacher and got married and I never saw her again. that was strange. and my dad did that too. he told me in a mexican food restaurant and I wanted to kill him. oh and the orange drink that we used to drink and the wasp that was trapped in the house and I started crying. my dog died when I was little. I miss my cat at home but I don't want to go home and see my mom. she will drive me crazy. brittney spears is such a hoe. if she slept with justin that is gross. I want to meet him and ask him. I think I will. Birmingham is going to be tight. the drive sucks but to meet him I would do anything. man I just want to know what it would be like to kiss him. ohhhh, dang I can't wait. I want to talk to zal. I wonder if he is back from paris yet? I think I'm don't know so yeah.