So far I have been at UT for I guess 6 school days, and I can already feel myself slipping. School was so much simpler in middle and elementary school. Why can't I go back?  Lets see. what did I do today?  I woke up around 2 (we have lives around here), and  was bugging my sister to take me to church. I haven't been there since I don't know how long, but I need to start going again. my ex-boyfriend called and I don't know how it made me feel. I want to be free of him and not have to deal with any of his problems. I don't want to desert him, but I don't know what he wants from me and what I can possibly do for him. it wasn't a really serious relationship and to tell the truth I have no idea what I was thinking when I went out with him. he's not my type at all and my parents would be so disappointed if they found out. thank goodness it's over already. I don't know how I feel about him. I would like to be his friend, but that's it, and I also don't know what he wants. isn't this depressing?  Guys. Don't they all suck?  I wrote my would-have-been-boyfriend in high school and for some silly reason I am still waiting for him to reply. I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe things will work out in the next ten years or so. I get really tired and depressed when I think about my ex and I don't know what to do about it. I want to be his friend, but I know he wants more and I don't think I can offer him that. I need to ask him what he wants or rather expects from me. He comes from a broken home and has a LOT of problems that I don't want to deal with. He's from Port Arthur and asked me to come down for his birthday. Funny I was actually considering it. what's wrong with me?  I called my little sister (12 yrs. old) and she wasn't home. Neither were my parents. I think they are at my aunt's house eating as usual. they live in new orleans and I miss them a lot. I need to come back and visit and I don't think I can do that until Christmas vacation. that sounds a lot better than Christmas  break. It really bothers me that I didn't capitalize most of the words that should be capitalize, but I shouldn't be worried about that right?  I am so unenergized right now. I need to go jogging or something, but it is late. I can't believe Princess Diana died. Mother Teresa also died, yet she didn't get as much attention as Princess Di. So much has happened in my short 17 years life span. I can actually tell my kids that I was alive when Princess Di and Mother Teresa died. it seems as if everyone is dying. isn't that sad?  I just found out that an acquaintance of mines is pregnant again. I don't know how to feel. this isn't her first pregnancy and she should know better. what is this world coming to?  my cousin is going through a break up right now and I don't know what I can do to help. I know she can do better than him, but I also know that she likes him a lot. What's a girl to do?  I am really relieved that I don't have a boyfriend anymore, yet why am I still commenting on that?  I was a lot better before he called. I just wish he could disappear and I don't know. he really needs to straighten out his life. you know what the funny thing is?  I think that the bad guys are the guys that like you more. it may not be true, but when it is, it is. let my rephrase that. when a guy that's on the wrong side falls (for you), they fall hard. I don't know if anyone has fallen for me yet. it is midnight and I still have other things to do. thank goodness I remembered about this. I actually don't mind typing like this. this is just like one of my journal pages that I try to do at least twice a week. I really believe that it serves as a stress reliever and should be done more often. well it's been 35 minutes so Im outta here. lan ngoc ngo