ahs10/essays-big5 huggingface dataset:
My thoughts I have never tried to write about my thoughts before, so here goes: I'm sitting in my dorm room just where it is quite hot for some reason even though the air conditioning is set for the coldest setting, oh well, I guess Dobie isn't perfect. My suitemate sure isn't any good. I hadn't seen him for the last two weeks, but as soon as I put a TV in the living room, he shows up. Lousy moocher. Now I have to listen to my headphones because he is watching some stupid movie. These things make my head hurt, and I don't like the music I'm listening to, stupid Backstreet Boys. My girlfriend loves them, I sure do miss her. She lives in Houston and goes to HBU, she is so nice. She isn't anything like the other girls I know, she never complains, and always does whatever I want to. I'm lucky to have her. I'm afraid that this long distance relationship thing won't work out. That would suck, I don't know what I would do. My head just hurts thinking about it, or is it just these tight headphones. They aren't even mine, they are my roommate's. He is a great guy, one of my best friends from Houston. He just got back from his girlfriend's dorm room. She lives upstairs, and that isn't fair. He gets to see her all the time, I only get to see my girlfriend every two weeks or so. I guess that could be good too since I need to study a lot. I have some big shoes to fill, both my brother and sister went to UT and they were both in the business school, which I couldn't get into. Sometimes I feel stupid compared to the two of them. My parents really want me to do well, and I hope I can make them happy. If I try really hard, and get a little lucky, I might be able to transfer into the business school. That would be cool. I feel sorry for my mom, and I am scared. She needs a liver transplant, and it isn't fair for her. She wasn't a drinker or anything, she lived a very good life. She just happened to have a bad liver. That's why I hate Mickey Mantle. One day a friend of mine was talking about how we should give free health care to everybody, but I totally disagreed. I told him that we shouldn't help the drunks and druggies, and he thought I was crazy. That's when I get really pissed and started yelling about how stupid celebrities like Mickey Mantle get to skip people on the transplant list, get a new liver and then drink through it. After that they get to take another one, then he died anyway, that is the only thing that made me happy. They could have given that liver to my mom, rather than some stupid lush who just killed it. Someone told me that he had a disease that he couldn't stop drinking, I say BS. He could have paid someone to walk around with him to make sure he didn't drink any alcohol, but my mom can't do that. She just has bad blood, if we could pay someone a hundred thousand dollars a month to follow her around and keep her healthy, we would do it in a heartbeat. We don't have that option. Well that's twenty minutes, I don't know if that was exactly what you were looking for, but that is pretty much what I was thinking, and that was pretty fun!
Steam and Consciousness. I am a new coming freshman; I like to be a UT student. To be in a gigantic school like UT, it is exciting but come with some fear. Fear that I might do badly on my school works or could not fit into the environment. After a week past, my point of view began to shift. Now I am comfortable with hundred of students walking on the street and the long waiting line in cafeteria. Sometime, in the back of my mind I could still remember the good times I had with my family. To me, family is the most important thing I can ever have. Through their supports and love now I can understand how important is for me to do well in college and have a descent future. Now, I am in my dorm room thinking about them, and thinking about how much I miss them. When I was little I always wanted to be an adult and take care things on my own. Family at the time never came in my mind, and moreover I sometimes childishly ignore them for video games or other sports. I really regret for what I had missed, a wonderful loving family. Beside to new environment that full with experiences the thing that come to me often is my family back in Taiwan. I wish they could someday see my success and share my proud ness in the field that I love to do or work.
Im tired, stressed and I really don't feel all that good right now. my stomach hurts but Im tired. I feel pressured. pressure from everywhere. school, work, life. how do I know what Im doing with my life is what I was meant to do?  I love amy she means the world to me. I wish that I hadn't broke up with her last year. it ruined a lot of things in my life. but I thought that I would be happier with someone else and I was for a short period of time but not a day went by that I didn't think about amy and wonder if she is really the one. I miss my grandpa who died on the first day of school this year. Ive had a really tough time dealing with his death. I guess I just thought that he would never die. after all grandparents aren't supposed to (I think). I just have a hard time dealing with death. but paw paw is most assuredly in heaven right now looking down on me making sure Im living my life as a Christian. I will see him again, I know!  the thing is that paw paw really loved amy and she loved him. we were together for almost two years before I broke up with her for selfish reasons which I never found out what they were. I hate to be alone so I started dating janna who is a nice girl but I knew that it was all wrong but I enjoyed the companionship,  which is wrong but was good because it helped me to realize that amy is the one for me. the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with. paw paw knew it. how ironic it was that I broke up with janna only one day before paw paw died and began seeking love from amy. he would have wanted us together. but I messed up and things are hard now,   she still loves me but she is afraid to trust me. I need her!
THE FUNNY THING IS HE DOESN'T SEEM VERY WORRIED ABOUT IT. I HAVE A CALCULUS TEST THURSDAY AND I'M REALLY SCARED! IT is MY FIRST TEST AND ITS MY HARDEST CLASS. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN THERE. THIS FRUSTRATES ME BECAUSE USUALLY I'M VERY GOOD AT MATH. I'M HOPEFULLY GOING TO GET TUTORED BEFORE THE TEST. WALKING AROUND CAMPUS IS VERY DIFFERENT TO ME . THERE IS ALL THESE PEOPLE SWARMING AROUND EVERYWHERE ,EACH ONE EXTREMELY DIFFERENT FROM THE NEXT. IT SCARES ME BECAUSE I FEEL AS THOUGH I DON'T BELONG ANYWHERE. IN HIGH SCHOOL IT WAS VERY EASY TO BE NOTICED BECAUSE THE SCHOOL ONLY HAD ABOUT 5,000 PEOPLE IN IT. I WAS INVOLVED IN MANY DIFFERENT ORGANIZATIONS HAD LOTS OF FRIENDS, BUT I AM THE ONLY ONE OUT OF MY GROUP OF FRIENDS TO BE HERE. IT STILL SEEMS VERY WEIRD TO ME. I FEEL LIKE I HAVE ALL THIS PRESSURE TO SUCCEED HERE FROM MY PARENTS. ITS LIKE 'DON'T SCREW UP' IS CONSTANTLY GOING THROUGH MY HEAD. MY PARENTS SEEM TO BE WAITING FOR ME TO SCREW UP IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER . WELL, GOT TO GO DO MORE ASSIGNMENTS. ------
what classes do i take next semester?  i need to plan out the rest of my college coursres out today. can i do it?  is it too much for me?  i think i can do it. i am completely capable of being admitted into medical school. thus far, i know that that is what God has in store for me, and what he thinks I should do now. there are so many people out there that i want to reach out to and help. i can not wait until my missions trip to russia. it wil be an awesome experience. everytime i think of all the people and children I will be helping i get a warm, tender, and comforting feeling in my heart. i think that God has given the gift of helping and taking care of others. for an extended period of my life i have always tried to find the meaning of my life, what special characteristics i possess but now i do not ponder on those things. i know that God has blessed me with several things and I am truly grateful. i hope that i can get involved with a good church here, and find a really nice cell group to join. i miss houston, newlife, house church. i wish that i could have stayed in houston and went to school there but i believe that i am where i belong. even though i may not like it here, i know that it is for the best. i believe that i will receive the best education i need for my profession in the future. plus, who knows, I may get more involved in church here in austin, and that may be another reason God has brought me here. nevertheless, i am determined to work far and beyond to be able to do my job. i am so tired today. i feel very tired but i can not seem to go back to sleep. it seems like every second is precious and i do not waste it by sleeping, atleast during the day. i am so nervous. it is only the third day of school and i am already stressing out. i think that i need to lighten up a little. my sister is right. i worry about things too much. i should just be easy-going but not too easy-going, i do not want to be carefree about everything. i am very thankful that i have naeri and my sister here. since i do not know many people in austin, it helps to atleast have one or two people i can talk to once in a while. i want to meet new people but the people here seem too immature for me. i am not really into the clubbing, drinking, etc. but then again there are so many students here, and i have only met the people that are into that because the people that i know are, so i just tag along. i am pretty sure that i will meet numerous people that share the some interests and aspects as i do. but i do not mind being alone. i think i am pretty independent exept for the fact that my parents my tuition but other than that i feel pretty independent. and, i also work and communicate well with others.
It's a bit past 4 pm on a Sunday, and I only just woke up a while ago. So here I am, writing a psychology paper which has no definite topic as such. I usually listen to laid back electronic-type music when I do papers, which is what I'm doing now. I feel it helps me free up my mind, and help me think more clearly. I don't know how this paper is going to end up, or whether I'm writing what I'm supposed to, but I suppose that's the point of the exercise. So - tracking my thoughts. Well first off I just realized how annoying the timer at the top of the page is. Watching it tick away while thinking of something to write (which shouldn't be a problem anyway since I'm supposed to write what I'm thinking and not the other way around) just seems to get on my nerves a bit. I wonder what the rest of the writing assignments this semester will be like though. They need to fix this page up though, it didn't work in my primary web browser, Mozilla Firefox, and I don't like Internet Explorer all that much. Oh, the music just changed, it's a bit faster and slightly more aggressive now. I got myself some candy too, though I probably shouldn't have since I'll be having lunch in a bit. It's getting a bit warmer in here, someone probably increased the air conditioner temperature again. And now my roommate is playing basketball outside in the living room. One of these days I think he's going to break something. 10 minutes and the clock's ticking. I really should get some work done today. I pretty much wasted the last two days, but hey, what are three day weekends for? I've got some Math and CS homework, as well as a freshman seminar paper. Math's an interesting class even if it is too easy. Not to sound self deluded, but I do think I know more calculus than most people in that class, at least so far. Computer Science is a different story though. The class is a bit harder than I expected it to be, but nothing beyond me. A little googling and I should easily be able to look up anything I don't already know and complete the assignment. Java isn't really one of my strengths, but that doesn't mean I can't make it one. I like psychology though, at first I thought it would be impersonal and intimidating because of the sheer number of students in it but that's changed. 17 minutes. I just have to continuously keep looking at the timer. And the music just stepped up, now it's a bit faster than before. And I actually got this paper done! I'm so proud of myself!  well, not really, but I'm glad I got it done anyway. And now my mind's a blank really. Looks like my time's up. Did I mention I hate popups? Time to click the finish button.
Well, I don't really know what I am suppose to be doing, so I'll just do the best that I can. I have a lot of thoughts going on in my mind right now. I feel nervous, yet excited to find what college life has yet to bring me. I feel that I need to manage my time more, because I am so scared that everything is going to catch up with me. All weekend I've said that I need to do something, but just can't seem to figure out What I should do. I talk to my mom everyday, and it makes me really sad. Everyday I think of my family and how much I miss them. We are so close and my nieces and nephews mean the world to me, and everytime I talk to them on the phone it makes me cry. I even felt like just leaving, but I know that I have to stay here in order to succeed. My boyfriend doesn't really help out much in making me feel better. He just doesn't understand how it feels to actually miss family. He gets so mad at me just because I call her and he says by me doing that it doesn't make things any better. It's just that she is so sad because I am not there and she's all alone. She thinks that I won't ever come home again, and I know that's not true. I just wish there was a way for me to let her know that. She thinks that just because I left I won't ever see her again. I know that I will never move back home after I graduate, but it will always be home, and I know I will visit her. I also feel so pressured, in soo many ways. I just worry that I won't make it here. I just want it to all end soon. I want to finish school as quickly as possible, because I feel that I need to begin my life. I mean not begin my life, but actually start my own. I need to get out and see the real world on my own perspective. My mom has held this shield over me my whole life, so being here has opened my eyes a whole lot. I've learned so much, but know that I have so much more to see. I really wish I could experience more things though. I mean having a boyfriend holds me back a lot. I haven't gotten to experience all the things that I should.   Sorry I don't know if this is going to work, but I realized I didn't put in my social or name. 462898153- Virginia Moreno
As I begin writing this I am a little annoyed because I'm doing it on my friends computer mine is broken. I wish I could just get my computer to work and be dependable. Also as I'm typing I'm thinking ahead as of what to say I guess I shouldn't do that or maybe that's just the way I think. The phone just started ringing but I'm not even going to answer it. I've been laying around all night watching a movie with a girl I used to like a lot. She's a beautiful girl and part of me still likes her but oh well. Things are different now and I don't really mind that. Also I've recently decided that I didn't want to be in a fraternity. I always thought I would, but really it just wasn't my thing. Right now I'm kind of kicking myself because I'm missing out on partying, but at the same time I hated the amount of time I spent doing stuff at the house. I felt like every one was here to party and study on the side. I wish I could do that but I can't, I need to do well in school. This weekend is Dave Matthews and I'm very excited. The concert is two nights and I'm going to both. Dave is my favorite musician and I've been looking forward to it for a long time. Also it is very hot in this room where I'm typing I wish that I could just some how make it like fifty degrees in here. I really like the cold weather and am looking forward to a break from the heat in the upcoming months. I think I like the cold because I'm hot natured, but also because I have good memories of winters. I love to reflect on the Christmas with my grandparents. As I glance down at my watch I see that my time is almost up so I guess I'll try to muster something great up. I don't know I'm a blank. I do however miss my family a little. I really miss my brother. It's odd because we always used to annoy each other but now I'd really get a kick out of seeing him.
Naturally, since I am a college student, I should be focused on my college education, but my mind seems to be in other places right now. I went home over the summer and ended up meeting a wonderful person. That person and I became very close over the summer and ended up dating for a while. I am a guy and I never thought that I would be able to meet a guy that I could have such strong feelings for. We spent so much time together. I would go to work every morning at 8 am , and I would usually get out at about 6pm. After work, we would go running together. which served two purposes - exercise and spending time together. Well, the summer went by really fast and by the time I knew it, it was time for me to return to Austin. It was really hard to say goodbye to him but eventually I had to do it. On my way up to Austin, I stopped at his house and he had made me breakfast. We ate and talked for a while. I did not want to stay there too long or else I would end up arriving in Austin too late. So I said goodbye. which was one of the hardest things I have had to do in a long while. besides tell my parents that I am gay. I don't think I am the same person after I met him. I have learned how to express my feelings more openly. I used to be so scared to express my feelings to anyone. probably because the people I used to date were girls. and deep down inside I was not happy with them. Now that I have experienced being with someone, and being happy with someone else. I want to feel like that all of the time, but the problem is that he is back home. and keeping a long distance relationship has been really hard. We decided to "break it off", and so he has been on my mind lately. which has contributed to my procrastination on this assignment. Anyway, this seems like a dumb thing to talk about. and I honestly can't believe I submitted this for an assignment. but it kind of helped to "write" it out. and hopefully I can get this out of my mind and focus on the more important aspects of my life right now. .
THIS IS MY FIRST YEAR HERE AT UT AND I AM ENJOYING IT. I AM A TRANSFER STUDENT FROM DALLAS AND I AM MAJORING IN EDUCATION. I HOPE TO TEACH IN AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL IN DALLAS. I LIVE IN AN APARTMENT OFF OF RIVERSIDE WITH MY BESTFRIEND. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME FOR BOTH OF US TO BE APART FROM OUR FAMILIES. I AM DOING GOOD. I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO BE HOME SICK THE FIRST WEEK HERE. BOY WAS I WRONG! I WENT HOME THIS PAST WEEKEND BECAUSE MY BESTFRIEND HAD A DOCTORS APPOINTMENT IN DALLAS. I WAS SO READY TO COME HOME(AUSTIN). I HAD ALREADY STARTED TO MISS MY CUTE LITLLE APARTMENT AND THE PEACE AND QUIETNESS THAT I HAVE HERE. MY FRIENDS CAME IN FOR THE LABOR DAY WEEKEND TO VISIT. THEY WERE ONLY HERE TWO DAYS AND THEY HAVE TOLD ME THAT THEY BOTH MISS IT. IN THE SPRING SEMESTER MY OTHER BEST FRIEND WILL BE MOVING DOWN HERE FOR SCHOOL. SHE IS ALSO MAJORING IN EDUCATION. WE BOTH LOVE KIDS VERY MUCH. NEXT FALL WE WILL ALL BE LIVING TOGETHER. IT WILL BE FOUR OF US IN ALL. WE HAVE BEEN FRIENDS FOR ALMOST SEVEN YEARS. ALL OF US ARE VERY CLOSE AND I WORSHIP OUR FRIENDSHIP. I HAVE A LITTLE SISTER WHO IS A SOPHOMORE AT A MAGNET SCHOOL IN DALLAS. WE USUALLY DON'T GET ALONG BUT THAT IS NORMAL FOR OUR AGES AND FOR US TO BE SIBLINGS. I HAVE TWO OLDER SISTERS WHO I GET ALONG WITH PERFECTLY AND MISS VERY MUCH. THE ONE I SEEM TO MISS EVEN MORE IS MY PRECIOUS DARLING NEPHEW ETHAN. HE WILL BE FOUR YEARS OLD IN NOVEMBER. AND IS AS SPOILED AS THEY COME. MY FAMILY IS VERY CLOSE. MY MOTHER AND LITTLE SISTER ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO ARE LIVING AT HOME. MY FATHER PASSED WAY IN 97 FROM LEUKEMIA. I HAVE TWO BROTHERNLAWS WHOM TRY THEIR HARDEST TO TAKE CARE OF MY FAMILY. AND DO A GOOD JOB. I AM TAKING 15 HOURS THIS SEMESTER AND WILL HAVE A FULL SCHEDULE FOR THE NEXT YEAR AND A HALF. I WANT TO HAVE A FAMILY OF MY OWN IN THE FUTURE. I WANT AT LEAST TWO KIDS. I KNOW I WILL BE A GOOD MOTHER. I DON'T WANT ANY OF THAT ANY TIME SOON. RIGHT NOW I AM ONLY WORRIED ABOUT TAKING CARE OF MY SCHOOL.
lately I think of how I have to study and study hard because I would hate to be putting my family's financial status at risk. then I keep an eye out for work thats on campus and make plans to call only I wonder why I'm not getting on the ball with what I know is important. I'm worried about money, very worried about not following throught and disappointing my parents. you know I feel like going back to arlington and visit my family and friends, but I don't want them to think that I'm very homesick cause I don't think that I am . not really. it's relaly only been two weeks away. but it will be labor day weekend so it's okay to be home, I think. wandering if my mom actually plans on meeting my boyfriends mom. kinda nervous because his mom just found out we were going out and so . who knows what she's thinking. I'm trying to figure out how to tell my dad. he reassured me that he's not setting limits on me just that he wants me to take care of school first. why is it my roommate and best friend seems to be in this room as little as possible. I think I'm in here more than I should be but then I like being alone sometimes. wonder if my friends think that I'm just anti-social and don't want to try things. I don't go out of the room except to run, go to class, do an errand. just remembered that I have to go get some handbook for art class and its sold at  I T copy. I just don't feel like going to get it right away. think I'll get it after a class tomorrow since I'm already going to be out. don't want to go to room and then go back out until I have class. why do I wait? my dad told me not to put things off, and I said I know but I still do it. scary thinking that I have a whole 4 maybe 5 years of schooling left until I am really on my own. i feel kind of on my own right now. just without parents. when I think of my parents I remember when they left after helping me move in. the days before I thought I was going to cry when they said goodbye because I have been so family-oriented but as they left I came close to tears but they didn't come. hmm that's weird. I love my mom so much that I can't think of why I didn't break into tears. she's always been there. and my dad. well. i came very close to it when he told me he loved mebecause I think the last time I heard him say that to me was so far back I can't remember. then my boyfriend came to spend time with me before he starts school. i was pretty sure I would be okay and that I wouldnt cry. then he left and I cried. lots. strangely he came back and then when he really had to leave I didnt cry. people have a way of disappointing you and making you feel bad. I thought this guy was my friend even when we were distant and then I had to find out that he told a girl I am no longer friends with that he didnt like me. I was in shock I didnt know what to do. my friends have a thing for changing their minds quickly and then saying that they are not different.