ahs10/essays-big5 huggingface dataset:
I wonder if Jeff will like the game. It is a shooter type game and does have a fun factor that is pretty high but will it last us until Playstation 2. Maggie. I want to see her again. Hopefully a couple of weeks from now. I am starting at 4:23 so 4:43 is when I will be finished. This wristband is the most stupid idea and it sucks that I can't take it off. I have to get up really early on Thursday to get my tickets to the game. Jeff and I will go to Target well maybe not. We will look at the magazine for a while or on the internet and see if we can find some games. Why the hell did I turn the fan on it is so cold. I don't know what to do for dinner maybe I will read before hand so that we can watch Highlander. I should ask Grace if she wants to eat with us. Damn only 4 minutes have gone by. That whistling noise needs to be fixed but I guess I'm already used to it. Mike I must call Mike about the DBZ movies. Maybe when I have some money duh. Why the hell did I bring that statuette. I could easily fit it in with my stuff. I want to be laying next to Maggie and want her to be with me all the time. This cell phone thing is going to be expensive. Good the light is still flashing. Man its really hard mapping your own thoughts. Once I find a thought to write about my mind concentrates upon writing it down instead of just free thinking. Carpet is nice. It would suck not to have it the room would be colder than it already is. I probably need to wash my clothes soon I am running out in my drawers. Why is my keyboard making this strange thumping sound when I hit the space bar. It never did that before. Maybe because I am alone and there is no other. What's up Amar. Amar just came in. Someone standing behind you is really annoying. Ha ha. Jeff will be back at five. We need a new game. Sleeping with my girlfriend was great. Damn my morals! Windows sucks my ass. Sit down and play some games. 4:38 sweet! Yes my air vent is really annoying. Pool would be cool. Yah I played pool in a while. Not really that good. You have your own stick bastard. I didn't know you have to have your own here that sucks. Come back soon. Oh well at least he is nice. I so badly want to have sex with Maggie but my religion and morals, life tells me not too. It would ruin both our lives. We could do it protected but there is too much risk. The amount of pleasure is not as great as the amount of possible pain, suffering, and problems we could incur. Yes its 4:43 I am done. Out.
I went to my sorority's crush party last night. I didn't really know what to expect because they had it at Buffalo Club and I don't dance, I don't smoke, and I certainly don't look 21. At any rate, I wasn't having very much fun after 30 minutes. At that point a guy came up to me and asked me to dance, I figured it couldn't be any worse than standing around so I said yes. We ended up hanging around with each other the entire evening. We exchanged phone numbers and I kind of figured that was the end of it. It was about twelve-thirty when I drank half of my "big sister's" Long Island Iced Tea and I have to say I think that it really impaired my judgement. I got talked into going to Dance Across with three of my sorority sisters and the guy who had been hanging around me. I had fun, we danced, but he isn't exactly the kind of guy I'm particularly attracted to. For some reason I put that aside, became extremely flirtatious, and even let him French kiss me after having met him only four hours before. I feel really cheap now, I never do things like that. I don't really know what the reason for my actions was (I'm blaming it on the drink, but that's probably not the problem because the effects had worn off before the end of the evening). Maybe I'm somewhat lonely, it's been about three months since I've had a boyfriend. The problem is that I woke up this morning and regretted last night. I feel like I used this guy, I didn't mean to. Maybe it's not that I don't want a boyfriend, maybe it's that I don't want him as a boyfriend. The worst thing about this is that I've been in his position before (having someone kiss me than decide they don't want me, in fact, it was last week) but it hurt my feelings and I think it's extremely insensitive of me to do the same thing to someone else.
I just woke up a little bit ago and decided to go ahead and get this done. I tried to sit down yesterday and do all my homework but when I got an offer to go shopping, I just couldn't resist. My boyfriend's sister was in town and every time I go to Houston, she is really sweet with me and takes me out so I couldn't just let her sit at the apartment. We went to the Arboretum and looked around. Honestly, I don't have any money to be spending right now so I didn't buy anything but as soon as my check comes in, there are a few things that I have in mind. This whole not working thing is really different for me. For the past 4 years I've always been working and able to by my own stuff. But now, my parents decided that school is more important and I should take 15 hours and just not work. So at first the idea sounded really great but the more time passes the more I realize it's not going to work out. My parents are giving me living money to go out to eat and to the movies and stuff but on top of that they pay for my apartment, all the bills, and school. There's no way I would ever ask for more money, the money that I need for my friends and sisters birthday, plus my boyfriends birthday and Christmas. Carlos' b-day is Dec. 12 which is not too far away from Christmas, so I wanted to sort of combine his presents. In January some of my best friends and I always go skiing and this year it's going to be a bunch of us with our boyfriends!! So I was going to pay for half of Carlos' skiing trip as his Christmas present. But now that my parents pay for everything for me, I can't ask them to send me on this trip plus another half of the cost for Carlos, I would just feel weird asking. So I plan to tomorrow afternoon, after I get done with class, to go and apply to a few places here around Far West. I really just want a few hours a week, something for a little extra money. Hopefully I could work in a coffee shop, that would be ideal. I thought about Starbucks which is literally 1 minute from my front door but what I'm afraid of is that they'll give me the early (like 5am) shift. There is now way I can handle that on a Friday or Saturday morning. So we'll see, hopefully I get something soon. Ok well now what do I write? I have 5 more minutes left. oh some good news. My dad called me last night and gave me the great news that he won Incubus tickets!! My dad is so amazing when it comes to wining things on the radio. He's won a car, trips to Cancun, London, Arizona, Seattle, New Mexico (all paid for trips of course), probably 100 tickets to Six Flags and Sea World separately, and so many concert tickets you wouldn't believe it. He's just really good and always has about 4 radios going at the same time, all on different stations. Ok well I just realized that I only have 1 minute left so I guess I'll wrap things up. I do wan to say that I liked this assignment very much and that we should do all of the. bye.
I just met her parents and sister and they are very nice people I am glad to be  rooming with her I am not sure her religion but she is from san antonio  she is indian kyle is coming over here in a few minutes I hope he comes  soon we might go out to eat at a really good restaurant I want to but I'm n not sure if he does in a way I am upset with him but I don't know whether to  keep it to myself he was supposed to come over this afternoon and we  would spend all day together but oh well he was doing something earlier  with his friends dad just called and emily is going on a date I wish I  met the boy but emily likes him a lot it's weird to think that I was younger than emily when kyle and I started going out and we have been together ever since i love kyle ummmmmm I want to get icq on the internet to talk to aunt  debbie all the time I wish I could see kristin and melissa and brooke and  other friends that I miss a lot we are all going to homecoming though and we'll have some crazy stories I'm sure I hope kyle gets here soon should I change my clothes to go out or wear this I don't know hmm maybe I'll call kristine tomorrow and we'll do something together who knows maybe I'll call amy she is so nice and fun to be around oh and I have to see jennifer in psy class monday because at a party we found out that we were in the same class I thing that is really cool I want all of my classes to be interesting and not too hard man I'm kind of worried about all the classes and tests and exams and stuff but I am so excited about the football games that are starting in a week they will be so much fun to go to I'm sure more fun than high school football games but I don't know I'll probably miss being in the drill team and dancing at half time I wonder if jamie is trying out for the dance team here or not she would definitely make it she is so awesome at dancing I hope she tries out and is really successful to show sarah g. that she can do anything that last year just wasn't for her in majesties I'm done it's been 20 minutes yeah!!
I think the emmys are kinda boring tonight and I don't really feel like doing this assignment but I have to because I know I won't feel like doing it tomorrow because I have a busy day - I need to go wash my towels because I don't have any clean ones for tomorrow I wish the stupid laundry room was closer because I hate walking all the way down that other hall but oh well - my stomach keeps hurting because I drank too much last night I wish I hadn't done that because I have felt nauseous all day and its not fun - I don't like martin short I think he's annoying and his speech he is giving right now is not evn funny maybe I should study after I'm done with this instead of being lazy and sitting here watching tv all night - I hope that I am not behind in any of my reading because that would suck if I don't do well on my tests - I wonder where my roomate is and when she is coming back I haven't seen her all weekend but I'm sure she is just at her boyfriend's I just need to remember to tell her chris called twice today I wonder who chris is because I have never met him but he calls her a lot - our room looks messy right now I need to clean it but I don't feel like it the bathroom is starting to get pretty gross too but no one ever does anything about it because it sucks to clean up after other people especially in the bathroom maybe my mom will clean it for us when she comes to visit because she doesn't mind doing that kind of stuff for me - if she doesn't come this friday than I think I'm going to go home for the weekend because I want to sleep in my bed and have some good food and talk to my mom and my sister I need to ask karoline if she wants to go home this weekend too but she'll probably have architercture stuff to do I can't believe how much time she spends at the studio sometimes she's there till like three int the morning but I think she likes the other people there and one guy lives by her so she walks home with him inthe middle of the night - its kinda scary to walk around austin at night because there are a lot of weird people and you never know what could happen I was sort of scared last night when we left that arcade and were walking to the car I hope that I didn't scratch scotts door when it hit the curb because it made that awful noise
Wow, that clock starts right off the bat. I always get nervous when things are timed, even if they're not important. Dangerous liaison. " I like that Jason Mraz song, its really fun and catchy. The stations here play really different music on the the same station, when they say "mix", they really mean it. They don't mix things up like that on Houston stations. They should its really fun to hear all this stuff without having to get up and change the station. I'm tired. Going to the gym really wears me out. OOO Fastball, I love this song, its so old, but I forget the name of the song. I need to start remembering to bring change to the gym so I can get a locker there, hold all my stuff really gets annoying. Especially when you're riding the bike or something and there's no place to put your cd player and your keys and the screen on the bike keeps demanding for you to "steady hands on sensors" in order to read your heart rate. Sometimes you just don't care what your heart rate is because you're tired of holding your hands in the same position for 20 minutes, but if you dare to take your hands off it flashes that message and sometimes beeps at you threatening to end your turn and start the time all over again. I really hate those dang sensors. Yeah, I know they're habitual to stare at while your working out, but they really frustrate me. Yesterday, the reading was wrong, saying my heart rate was only 100, that is not even my heart rate when I first get on the thing. I was tempted to go get on another machine but I had waited in line forever for that machine, so I just tried not to let it bother me the whole time I was on it. But I guess it did because I'm still thinking about it today. Commercial, commercial, commercial, I don't care about the sale at Stein Mart. I don't like that store, they play elevator music in there. I felt bad for my friends who worked there, having to listen to that while they worked, plus they said the pay was not that great. But I guess you get used to it, they plated easy listening at the steakhouse I used to work at, by the end of the night, I was singing along with all the songs while rolling silverware. You would be oh so happy whenever christmas rolled around and they played something different, plus I just love christmas music, its so happy and light. I could sing jingle bells any time, its great! that and that sleigh bell song, I can't remember its name though.
I like to hear music. For some reason, I recently discovered old rock, specifically the group Pink Floyd. Their songs evoke strange feelings of relaxation within me. Why though? I suppose the smoothness of the words accompanied by the awesome guitar. I am reminded of the lyrics "so do you think you can tell, Heaven and Hell, Blue skies from pain, can you tell a green field, from a cold steel rail?  A smile from a veil?  Do you think you can tell?. cold comfort for change. how I wish you were here, were just two lost soles swimming in a fish bowl, year after year, running over the same old ground, but have we found the same old fears, wish you were here. " --Pink Floyd's song "Wish You Were Here. "      I find myself relaxed yet down though. I am disturbed somewhat from the words; but, why am I feeling relaxed. I think it is from the awesome music and pitch of the singer's voice. Their exotic, at least to me, beginning seems to subliminally evoke depth of thinking even though the words may seem stupid. But, the part of the song I enjoy the most is the fishbowl analogy. I think it is ingenious and I am reminded of myself and my inability to find the right girl of my dreams. For some reason, the analogy portion evokes a sort of chivalric ambition within me. I desire a bit of love and romance from a special person that I want to meet. the perfect girl. Someone with the same aspirations as me. A person that when I look into her eyes I find myself lost. Yet, physically, the act of looking into her eyes would have no physical affect to me in the real world. silly.      Anyway, I am aware that Pink Floyd took drugs and were possibly high while writing this song. I do not condone to taking drugs. In fact I dispise drugs. They ruin lives and for what. So you can loose your mind for a couple of minutes and kill yourself. The best way to counter drugs is not to try them at all. Abstinence from drugs and getting drunk is the best things in life, at least I think so. I don't need to get myself drunk at a party to have a good time. I just need to go regularly and I will have an awesome time. I am reminded of a party I went to a few weeks back. This is a disco party where you dance with girls. I went to the party and was dancing and having a good time. Unfortunately, the other guys needed to get drunk to dance. So, they all went outside to get drunk and came back in. They were the biggest loosers I have ever seen in my life. I suppose they don't have enough self esteem to go out and dance with the girls. Unfortunately, I feel that I miss out because I tend to do the right thing. That is why I am rarely invited to parties. In my whole highschool experience, I have only been to two parties. Pathetic huh!     Anyway I look forward to college to meet some nice girls that will like me for being myself, the good guy. This paper will self destruct after you read it! just kiddin'
Well, Sitting here doing this assignment at 10:55 a. m. and my lazy butt just woke up. I can't believe that I wake up so late nowadays. I remember my freshman year where I slept a few hours a night and got by fine. I'm feeling a little bad about myself for not working out this morning like I wanted too. If I could just get up when I wanted to then there would be not problem. But no, I have to stay in bed until the last possible second before class. On Wed. I have my first class at noon, and I was late. How pathetic is that?  How can I not get up before the sun has reached its peak position over the city?  Typing this is making my forearm hurt a little. I first noticed that when I was shooting a basketball yesterday. I think I might have pulled something lifting weights the other day and at least worked something that I don't usually work out so it hurts a little. Is strange, I am supposed to be sitting here thinking of stuff and my mind blanks out, but when I am supposed to be concentrating, my mind decided that then is the appropriate time to start racing with ideas and contemplations not associated at all with what I am doing. I actually like this assignment, its kind of nice to just sight down and write down what I am thinking about. I tried to start a journal once but to no avail. I am not a person of habit. I cannot just dedicate myself to something at a certain time everyday or week whenever unless it is something that I have to do, such as class, or a job if I ever find one. I felt really disappointed that I could not find a job this summer. Why was I having such a hard time?  I have problems with things like that, I hate doing the first part of something, such as actually finding the job or deciding on a career. That's one of the reasons I am taking this class as a Junior, because I don't know what else to take. I can't decide what I want to do for the rest of my life. I would be so much easier if I had someone say you are going to be a business man or a teacher, take these classes, and don't suck it up like you have been doing for the first two years of your college career". And I would be like "OK, fine, I can do that" and then I would do it, but probably not to the full extent of my ability. I have a hard time doing things to hardcore for an extended amount of time. I guess everyone is like that but even things I like to do, after time I start slacking, such as car audio fabrication. I like to build things out of fiberglass and my last project really sucked it up. I guess it was a learning experience but after a few days of working on it I got dismayed because it didn't look as good as I had hoped it would and finally said "the hell with it" and just finished it. Now I am ready to chunk it and start anew. But I like building things, so that my be the reason too.
Okay the way my mind works. Well at the present moment many things are running through my head. Everyday I think of the same things over and over again until I get them resolved. My mind worries a lot. Right now I hope that I get all of my assignments done including this one, and that I do them well. My main concern right now is doing well in all of my classes. I'm so scared that I am not going to do well here and that I am going to have to drop out and go back home. Then I won't get as good as an education that I hoped for, which will inturn will prevent me from getting into any good law school. Then I won't get a good job, so I can't support myself much less a family, and I wind up a bum for the rest of my life. It's amazing how the littlest things have the biggest affect on something. Actuallly, I was just thinking, I hope that my parents will even have the money to pay for my education. If I can't do that than I don't even have to worry about any of this, because I won't be going here at all. I miss my family. For eighteen years I have never been apart from any member of my immediate family. I don't know how I have survived the last two weeks without them. I miss my Mother especially. Yesterday, I left home again because I went back for the weekend, and I felt as if I were leaving for the first time. The same feelings overcame as  they did when I first left her. I wanted to cry. I want to cry now just talking about all of this, but I won't. I tend to do that a lot. Hide my emotions. I guess I just figure that by hiding them, I am not as vulnerable to other people as I would be if I were to actually show them. I just realized how incredibly slow I am at typing because twenty minutes have just passed since I began this writting assignment. So on that note I will end my writting entry.