feeling free right now. door underneath punded. resonated and left me shaking. there is music next to me and it has a beat. the bass bothers me sometimes. like when I was riding in the car with my brother when we went to the zoo that one time. he used to always pick on me but now he is not here. its not the first time that I hav enot seen him for awhile. but I see casey everyday. I like being here at ut. this apartment is great. just leaning against the bunkbed while typing feels great. I feel at home most of the time, except for tommy when he makes his comments. I keep expecting to have to go home and climb in my own bed but every time that I walk back to my dorm from here I realize that I am going to my new home , the dorm. My roommate is nice, she studies all the time. I feel that I don't study enough when I am with her. She is going to major in math just like I am. but I don't know what I want to do or if I really want math. this song is great. it makes me happy and hyper. but I am still upset that I don't know what I want to do. Everyone here does. they all have their special thing and I am just feeling the way along. that is more comfortable. the keyboard is on my lap and now my hands or wrists rather don't hurt as much. I like psychology. I am excited about the experiments. from what dougs mom was talking about them earlier they sound like a lot of fun. But I don't know if I will be able to just go up and talk to people like that. I am glad that I will have casey in my class this year. He is so smart and wonderful and I love him. I am really glad that we are engaged. he is the best thing that has happened to me since I moved to texas. Louisiana was not good at all but I have to stick up for it when doug and casey pick on me and tell me that I say things weirdly. This is a beautiful song. I really like it. But one bad thing about it is that I remember being with ryan when I listen to it. Riding around in caseys car when we were first going out. We listened to her then too and I made him sing to aida. He has a beautiful voicce and I love to listen to him sing. I love the way her voice sounds and the different inflections in all the right places. My foot itches and now that I scratched it, everything else is itching too. Sometimes they talk too much about computers and that junk. But that is their thing and it makes them happy. I just have to find what makes me happy. Skiing. I want to go skiing,  It is so hot here. skiing would be great and romantic. last year was the first time that I ever skiied and it was great. I did a lot of things with church that I had never done before but I think that all of these things were because I got together with casey. like this barbie girl song. I hated it but then he would always play aqua and I got to liking all of the songs and liking him more and loving him and falling for him and casey is wonderful. aqua/  like an ocean or island. so peaceful and wonderful. I like heroes the game with amanda, It reminds me of lord of the rings. My hair tickles my face. my ear itches. doug has a cute voice. he is trying to sing. idont hate casey's cat. it is really cute. I just wanted to get him something better and I wish I could have found a cuter one so I have to put it down because I don't know why. it does not really matter. I overreact too much and am selfish and whine. this is kind of fun actually. I want to take a photography class next semester. My mom says that I am good at it. I jsut want to find something that I am good at. Make everyone proud. But I put too much pressure on myself. I think that is why I am nervous this week because I want to adjust and I don't know if I am going to do well in my classes and I hope I do but am scared. My wrist hurts like when I am playing minesweeper. an addicting game. somethign I am good at, unlike half life which I am getting better at. My ear itches. I need to go to the store and get some cables, I hope to find them and understand how it works. physics scares me and I am not good at it. why am I majoring in math and how did sarah make up her mind in one weekend about college. I think those are the same reasons. Time's up.