ahs10/essays-big5 huggingface dataset:
Metallica. Some of the old stuff so its a lot more music and fewer lyrics. But really, now that I think about it, twenty minutes is a long time to write. At some times, my head is full of random thoughts I can write about but there are not too many tonight. I think part of that is because I am tired. I knew Mondays would be long when I registered for classes and ended up with a lab from seven to nine on monday night. But today seemed long. At least my classes are manageable except for Calculus. I think I will have to work harder to keep up in that class. Actually work hard just to stay with it instead of working to be far ahead. Well maybe I won't have to take too many more difficult math classes after the next couple of semesters, especially if I transfer out of elec. engineering and go into the business school. But I heard the other day that not many of the classes you take in the engineering courses transfer well to business so I may have to start over. I know that the computer science course I added will not transfer but I decided to take it anyway because I would like to know how to program at least in a general way. Never know when that could come in handy. It sure has been hot the last few days. Weeks. Months. I have also had to walk all over campus just to get all of the administrative stuff out of the way like paying my add bill today and getting the sports package over at the stadium. I got a lucky  break and got to pay in the UGL instead of having to wait in the very long line for the cashiers in the main  building. A lot of stuff has happened in the last few weeks. I wonder how Tricia is doing. And Daniel. And Chad. He really had a tough week last week. I feel bad about writing that screwy email. It just reminded him that he didn't get to go to the college he wanted. I wonder what caused the extra fees? Too bad he won't get to play football for them. That reminds me that we are going to the game Saturday. I need to go get tickets tomorrow. In the morning after class. The food has gotten bad over the last few days. Maybe it comes in cycles of the stuff I like. Or maybe they just serve the good, fresh stuff the first week or so to give the impression that the food is actually good. That is the funnier one to tell. It is always good to have a good cafeteria joke for all of the family and other people back home. Sterotypes of college. Most are at least partway true but sometimes it gets tiresome trying to explain the real so you just let them believe it and so forth and so on this paper is dragging on I really don't think they mean to read them all. Should I include all of this stuff or just do some selective deleting? I guess if anyone reads this they will never know anyway. What do you think? Do you think I deleted anything? That will remain one of life's little (very little) mysteries. That about does it for the twenty minutes. Only a few seconds to go. I wonder if I will finish with this sentence or if it will go on until the time
I awake. From sleep. I don't know. I walk to the window. Stop short. Who's there? A man calls out, I don't know his name. Because he is my father. Black night, cold rain. Stop. Before I choose I want to know. Stop. Awake. I can't. I don't. Even though you are there. The bird it flies. I stop to catch it's beauty, I have never seen this. I ponder my posture, I slant. You stood, you go to the store for some breakfast. I can't eat, you know that, but you insist. I refuse. We fight we braek we die. All for the love. The window it breaks. It shatters. Understand me, I am right. You don't know, you can't know. You don't understand. I can't seem to think with all the windows breaking. The grass is soft on my brown feet. My brown feet. My clown feet. My hair is dense. I see my reflection. I am cold. Who is that? The only thing I see is my reflection. It knows I'm here. I know I'm late. My hand hurts. I bite it off. It's full of nutrients. The back of my head aches, is it the clown? No it's me, I am your clown. I am your savior. The blue ice hates to see it go. The penguin, the clown, they get together. How am I going to tell my mom. Bloom. Prosper and perish. I die and you prosper. The only thing you am I know it is I can't. Follow the thought. Train your mind. Eat at Joe's. The full of my stomach eats at my liver. My house has the potential for greatness. The stops are all out. Pull me back into the water. I can't drown, I'm invincible, didn't you know? Ask me again. Try not to speak. Move your lips without speaking. Speak your lips without moving. I'm falling asleep and I don't think you can stop me. The game is mine. I have won and you have lost. Ask me agian. I ate your pony if you will play with me. The back of my head hurts again. My reflection is laughing at me. Black laugh, why do you do it? Brown feet,my mud is clean. My belt gets whiplash. A cornea operation. We play the game. Again, again,and again. I lose and lose, I can't help it. Yes i can, but i don't want to. It might hurt. Bow. Curtsey. Do your dance. Make the jester happy. Cornrows, fields of wheat. Ha! I laugh at your jokes. I'm crying. Confused, Understood. Understand. I can't . I missed my chance. The pondwater makes me ill. I'm done. It make me green. I'm green. We are all green. Does that pose a problem? No 'm not ask me again. Bye. Don't go. Don't even think about leaving. You cruel hateful person. Lampshade. Where the hell is my bloody lampshade? I'm sorry, was that yours? What do you think ponyman? The question is yours the answer is mine. Can we switch? I don't think so. Didn't think so.
yes, here i am, finally. I never thought i would be doing this, ever. This is so weird. it's so weird, whenever i'm under any type ofpressure, i can never type well. it's so weird. but it's probably pretty common. everyone gets underpressure. i hate it thoguh. because i never feel like i'm  a good typist. i never was though. even when first started learning in 5th grade. i was always the last one to finish my lines, or whatever. 5th grade. that was so long ago. i was just thinking about that the other day. i remember that was a grade of so many changes. i just realized that i'm very nostalgic. i constantly look back on my past. maybe that's becasue i was sexually abused as a child. it's weird. i just read a quote a couple of weeks ago that said   life can can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.  That's so true. because i believe that everything in anyone's life, the way they are, their personality, their mannerisms, their characteristics, everything- stems from childhood. if someone is abused as a child, they will either become an abuser themself, or even worse, a serial killer, or they will spend the rest of their life dealing with it as best they can, praying to god that it will never happen again to them, or anyone else they love. that's me, i think. i'm obviously not going to abuse myslef, nor bacome a serial killer. i don't think. haha. no, i'm just kidding. don't worry, it's weird how one's thoughts wander, isnt it? i could never picture myself being a serial killer. i just hate dead bodies. they make me have nightmares. well, not really. but after i saw that movie, seven. . oh my gosh. i think my brain even squirmed. it was a good plot, though. i will admit that. that's another thing. you know how people criticize people like eminem and marilyn manson, and other outreagous people in the media? sometimes they can't help their success. sometimes they are just stopped on the street, and some exec says, hey i wnat to make money off of your emotions. and that's just what they do. they make huge names out of these people just so they can money, and then the stars themslves are happy because they can express themselves and they make money. so tehir success is just plain luck ,a lot of the time. so you can't always blame those peolpe for their success. blame the people that signed them. . okay, my 20 min are up, so i'm going to go now. wow, this was very theraputic , in a way. i'm goi g to make chicken parmesan tonight!! yum!!
It was very frustrating to get on to the web site. However, the weekends are fun. I get to see my friends that are not at this school. This weekend I went home to see one of my friends who signed with the Kansas City Royals. I also got to see two of my best friends that are guys. One goes to TCU and the other goes to Tomball Community college. He was supposed to go to Georgia to swim, but two days before school started, he called, and they told him that his spot on the team was gone. Now he is writing other colleges and the Yale coach called him. If he does not swim, he will probably come here next semester. I also got to see my boyfriend. He goes to Baylor. He was my best friend first and now we are together. It is great. However, I miss him a lot. He is the sweetest guy I know. Anyway, right now I am borrowing a friends computer because mine doesn't work. It is really a pain. I need to go tomorrow to the computer to have them install my Ethernet card. It is not compatible with my laptop. I am right now in the school of business. However, I am really interested in psychology, and am thinking of changing my major. My dad thinks this is a terrible idea. My mom thinks I should do what will make me happy. I guess I need to get as much information as I can about the type of jobs that I can get with a psychology degree and the amount of school I will have to complete. I will also need to see what schools have good psychology departments. I really do not want to go here next year. I want to go somewhere smaller with less freaks. I will probably stay in the state. I will probably go to A&M of Baylor. Oh well, I guess I have a while to decide.
Ok, so I guess I am just going to start writing about anything. Today has been a busy day, I got a lot of things done that I needed to so that is kind of a relief. I am really stressed out right now so I am trying to organize what I need to get done in my head. I finally get to move into my new home tomorrow after class. I have been homeless for the past month. The past few weeks I've been staying with friends but it really sucks not having a place of your own. I feel really disorganized right now and I hate to start the school year out that way. The next few days are going to be busy moving in. I got UT vs. OU tickets today. That's one thing I don't have to worry about anymore. But now I need to get that trip organized. Casey, Karoly, Austin, and C. J. have all committed. I need at least one more person to commit so the hotel room won't be too expensive. That shouldn't be hard though so I am not going to think about that now. I really want to go running right now but it's the middle of the day and really hot. I think I might go anyways. Then I'll come back and shower, pick up Casey from class at 5:40, and start getting ready to go out. The band we're going to see starts at 8. That is going to start the night out early. But, I guess that is a good thing because then it will end early, which means more sleep before class in the morning. I am listening to some music right now that makes me want to dance! What sucks is that I can't dance though. I wonder why God gives some people rhythm and some not. I hate not having rhythm because I love music. People say that everyone can dance, just do it, but I am proof that that is not true. Oh well. I need to get over that. My neck hurts, I guess I slept on it wrong. I hate it when I have a crick in my neck. I really feel like running today. I wonder why. Running dancing where is all this energy coming from? I haven't gotten much sleep in the past couple days. I think my body does better when I don't get as much sleep. When I sleep late I feel depressed that I wasted part of the day and I am still tired. Today I woke up early and I feel productive. Let's see what all I did. I went early and tried to draw football tickets. They told me to come back later so I went back to my friend's place and called my mom. I made a dentist appointment which is long overdue, drove to my storage place and paid a bill, found out I could move in tomorrow at 3:00, bought a few CDs I've been wanting, went out to eat for lunch, and then went and got the football tickets. Now I am doing some homework. Next I am going to run, hopefully not die of a heat stroke, then tonight I have a ticket to see a band play I have been wanting to see. That will be fun. I thought about taking a nap but it doesn't look like that is going to happen. I guess I'll just have a couple cups of coffee before I start drinking some beers. Well, it looks like my time is up. This assignment reminds me of my emails to my friends. I just sit down and type whatever comes out and they end up being really long, boring, and pointless. Kind of nice I get to do it for a grade and not annoy my friends. Peace out.
I am sitting here in the computer lab of my dorm at SRD, even though I  have a computer in my room. I have been too lazy to go buy a network card in order to get the internet on my computer. I have absolutely no idea how to use the internet. In fact, some girl at my dorm had to show me how to get onto this website. Hopefully, I will be able to learn how to use it pretty soon, especially for this class. I don't think I'm going to do very well in this class because I don't know anything about psychology. If my study habits don't improve, then I might not do very well in any of my classes. My math class is kicking my butt!!!!  I have tried so hard to do my homework, but I don't know how to do a lot of it. I have a test on Friday and I know I'm not going to do very well at all. I need to do good on this test since it is the first one in the class. I don't know what to expect on college tests because I never really had to study in high school. I just got off the phone with my best friend from home; she is a year younger than me. I miss her so much. She is the one person that I can talk to for hours about nothing. I was supposed to go home in two weeks to see her, I can't. She was upset when I told her. I promised her that I would be home to see her in three weeks though. My sorority is Delta Gamma, and it is so much fun. I have so much going on in the next two weeks with my sorority, which is why I can't go home to see my best friend. All the girls are so sweet and I know I'm going to like it a lot. I am very excited about being in Austin because in Mt. Pleasant, there is nothing to do ever. We get excited about going to a nice restaurant to eat. My home town is  pretty small; it only has about 13,000 people. Everybody in the whole town knows whenever something happens. The high school football games are the entertainment for Friday nights. I guess there are some good points about living in Mt. Pleasant though. I have some of the best friends I've ever had from my home town. Also,  I get excited about little things that girls from big cities don't get excited about. My classes have more people in them than all of my graduating class. I am amazed that there are so many people at this college!  I didn't really get lost on the first day, mainly because I looked at my map for two days. I am about to go work out because I don't want to gain the freshman fifteen like everyone says I will. I  don't have room on my body to gain any more weight!!!!  I don't really watch what I eat though. I do some exercises and I walk a million miles to class everyday. How do people gain weight here whenever classes are a  million miles apart?  I am so tired because it is late at night, but I wanted to get one assignment over with early. My twenty minutes is almost up. I have so much to do tomorrow; I have class from 11 to 5. I am dreading it. Then I have a meeting at 6:00 and I have to study for math. I am going to sixth street tomorrow night if I get through studying in time. Well, my time is finally up and I am so proud of myself for getting this done on time because I usually procrastinate.
I enjoy my life so much right now, but I am also at a really tuff time in my life right now. I love Austin and UT, but my boyfriend lives back home. Things are great between us, but it is so hard not being able to see him everyday. I miss the little things, like just being able to drive 5 minutes to go to his house, now it takes me over three hours to go to his house. I guess though that when I do get to see him, that the time we spend together is more valuable. I never realized how much we took for granted the fact that we used to live so close together. Now just to hear his voice costs money. I miss him so much. I have faith that things will work out between us, it is just going to be a long hard road through college. We have a lot of growing up to do though too. We both have a huge jealously problem, which is part of the reason we broke up the first time we were together. Whenever trusted each other enough to let the other one go out with their friends, so we were always together, and eventually I guess we just got bored of each other. I think the biggest mistake we ever made, was breaking up because a lot of things happened during the time we were broken up that puts strain on our relationship now. Although I have to thank my parents for sending me down to provisionals this summer, because when I left, Adam realized that if we did not work things out soon, we were never going to be together again, because I was not going to wait around for him. I love Adam so much, I thank God everyday that I met him. He has been my best friend for three years now, and I couldn't think of anyone that has helped me through as much stuff as he has. He has always been there for me, except for when we broke up, and he only left because it hurt him to be around me. Other than that Adam is the person that has helped me through the toughest times in my life. No matter what happened during the day, Adam can always make me feel better. He can make all my worries fade.
I am sitting here in my dorm room trying to organize my time for the rest of the day and night. I have a lot of reading to catch up on. I have trouble sitting down reading for a long period of time. I would rather sit in a lecture and listen to a professor. That is, if he/she is interesting. I want to read and understand my psychology book, but for some reason I haven't been able to concentrate on it. I feel like I am behind in this class for some reason. My mom graduated with a degree in psychology. She loved it. My biology class is my favorite. My professor is interesting and the book is interesting to me too. I wish I knew what I wanted to be. I have so many different ideas and I can't decide right now. I talked to my mom today and she suggested marine biology because she knew I used to be interested in that. She also suggested being a doctor. I don't know if I can go to school for 8 more years though. Four more years seems like a lot to me. But I know I will do it. I just feel weird right now I guess because I am just starting. I am 3 and a half hours away from home. I like it here but I miss it there. I always have a lot on my mind and I think that is why it has been hard to concentrate on reading lately. Eight months ago, 2 days before Christmas, my boyfriend of 3 years, Phillip, was killed in a car accident. I almost didn't come to UT because he was supposed to follow me here and live in Austin too so we could be together. I thought about that a lot the first week I was here. It is just really hard. This is one of the reasons I am being in my reading for philosophy and psychology. I've been doing homework all week making up for last week. When it comes to school work I love being ahead. Which is why I am doing this writing assignment a week in advance. I'm hoping that I will feel better when I finish this and I will be able to read 2 chapters and comprehend it. When I stay ahead in school I always feel so much better. I like to read the sections before lectures rather than after. I am the type of person that takes on big load and I tend to get stressed out easy that way. I decided that when I came here I was strictly going to concentrate on school. In high school I had a full schedule of ap classes, a job, and participated in athletics. I loved all of it but I decided I need a break from every thing else which is why I'm not working this semester. I worked 6 days a week this past summer to save up for spending money this year so that I would not have to worry about working. My parents are paying for my school and all my bills, even my gas so I don't ever want to ask them for spending money. I received some scholarship money from Dobie, UT from my home town. We have community scholarship that they give out every year. There was a scholarship made in Phillips name this year. I got that one. That made me feel good I guess. I like being here but it is just really weird. I hope I adjust to Austin soon. I already like it a lot better than when I first move here 2 weeks ago. My best friend Stephanie helped me move down here and it was hard when she had to go back home, but I am going to see here this weekend so that makes me happy
This is a little confusing. I am not quite sure what I ahould be doing. Oh well I guess it really doesn't matter. I am glad I am going home this weekend. I really miss everyone. It will cool to just hang out at home and not have to worry about what I should be doing right now. College is a lot of reading. I am actually learning a lot more than I learned in a whole semester of high school. I enjoy that but it does get to be a bit tedious, expecially science. Well iguess it can only get better form here on. I was confused about a lot of stuff, like what to do with all of my spare time. I was going to have a job but then they took away my work study and now I have too much free time. That's okay because I didn't really want to work anyway. But I can't believe the lady never called be back. Tha t is just rude etiquette. Oh well. There's nothing I can do about it anyway. I wonder why we are shunned by our dorm mates. I guess we weren't social enough or something. We tried. But at least they aren't outright mean to us, they are just very cordial and you know what that means. Doh!  Oh well. It's fun rooming with Ashley, I just don't know why she chooses to bother me on purpose sometimes. I think she can be very immature at times. But I would rather put up with that than with someone who barely talks or just doesn't like me for whatever reason. I don't want to go to all those meetings tonight that sucks!  Maybe I just won't go. But I probably will. I can't shirk my responsibilites just because I don't want to. Maybe some people need to do that once in a while though. I wonder what Plato would have to say about that. His books are cool. I like the idea of Socrates just sitting around waiting to confuse people. If you make people question their own values, then what do you consider as your values?  I don't know. LThat's just odd.