I don't know what just happened, but all that I just wrote for the last 10 minutes just got erased. This makes me a little perturbed, but I don't really care. This just allows me to write even more interesting things. Maybe this time I'll talk about movies. Yeah those bad ass little things that I l0ove ohhhhh sooo much. In fact I'm hoping to film a movie by this years Oklahoma game. that way I can show my best friend who will join us from K. C. Together we made 6 movies. 4 movies for English and two for our own enjoyment. Okay the preview for Scream2 is on the tv behind me and its a little hard to pay attention to this assignment, but I guess this is also part of the assignment. How many people does it take to rip off a football from the bumper a of a frog. jello. jello. retard. Bug women can kick my friend's ass. At least that is what he always says. He says that he is going to start going after those women who could actually kick his ass. Me I'm just going after the beautiful intelligent type. It seems like it is working out thus far, but not from m shoes. 4 women are in my life right now. One is an ex-girlfriend who I was very attracted to, but broke up with me for seemingly no reason whatsoever. I think it was because I became too attached, whatever that means. I guess loving someone too much is not a good thing. That was sarcasm. I really don't think there is such thing as loving someone too much. I do sometimes watch myself when I'm trying to meet a girl. Now I wonder if they think I'm trying too hard. Anyway,  my ex gave me a call and we talked for 2 hours. In the talk I felt like going over there and hugging her right there, but she would be missing out on sleep for her next day. I think she valued her sleep more than me. Well no not really, I think we just weren't mature enough to know how we really felt. I still can't really say whether it was true love since I have never had any other taste of love that I could compare it to. Al I know is that I miss what we had, and I want it back. I thought I was over it. He's 30. I am over it. Today I realized that life is not as complicated as we all make it out to be. It this "real world" that we have made up that keeps us under constant stress. The mind analyzes everything and tries to figure out the real world. It is the heart that I try to follow. The heart  gets past all that which seems and goes straight to what feels right. I believe in that feeling over the appearance of a situation. I have led a very happy life and I think I am doing things right. I jus t recently had to decide whether or not I wanted to be a frat guy. Isnt it funny that I brought this up right after I mentioned I think Im doing things right. I take that as a good sign. But now Im hesitating so I take that as a bad sign. Basically Im still trying to figure out whether I turned down the frat for personal reason or to please other people. When I did decide to quit the frat I became extremely happy, almost to the point of crying in my car. This was when I came up with this decision on my own outside the influence of the other people I know. Then the damn frat got me to come into their house and talk to me one on one. This showed me all the people that I would be letting down by not joining the frat. I can't stand letting people down. I try so hard to help everyone, but its just impossible. I think the reason I felt like an asshole yesterday was because I have let a lot of people down the beginning of this year. Namely the frat and my brother for not joining the frat like he did. He is trying to live vicariously through me and it is a little annoying. I think I first showed interest in the frat just for his sake. I would like to explain to my brother that we are not alike and that my whole life is not revolved around women and beer, but anytime you talk to m brother he just makes you look stupid and I hate that. I dont feel like I can explain anything to him unless he already believed it to begin with. I think this is why he became a lawyer.