first, it took me a long time to get through the Austin traffic. then, when I got home, and called jenny, she wasn't ready to come over. she came over anyway even though she hadn't shaved her legs. that was kind of bad. next, I still had to deal with the fact that she had messed around with Justin, one of my supposedly good friends. all they did was kiss, but it still really hurt me. she had told me that it would never happen again after she and Kevin messed around, but she lied. I can't believe that she did that. then I told her about the fact that I had sex with heather back during the summer, so she wasn't really happy about that, but that's understandable. I still love her, but she has really putting me to the test this weekend. hen, later on Friday night, she told me that she had liked Justin, so what happened wasn't as much of an accident as I had first thought it was. come to find out, she had gotten drunk at her apartment and then called Justin to come over. that's when the kiss happened. that really hurts me. so she told me that, but she still wanted to have sex with me. I agreed, I don't know why, but I did. and then, in the middle of it, she started crying, that really hurt me. then after that, she told me that she didn't even want me to come with her to college station with her. that tore me apart. I didn't know how to handle it, so I freaked, I just started yelling at her. I don't know why, I should have been more calm , but I just couldn't do it. I tried to calm myself down, but nothing worked. I still can't believe how mean I was. and then, on Saturday morning, I called her, because I thought she was going to leave without calling me like she said she would. and then, she told me that she had changed her mind, and now she didn't want me to go again. then I freaked again. I started yelling at her. I was really hurt, like id never been hurt before. I couldn't believe that anybody could hurt me this bad, but she could do it. s I called Justin, and got a ride with him to college station. it took me an hour and a half to eat my McDonalds lunch. I had lost my appetite. I was miserable. Kenny could see that. I got to a&m, but I had no desire to party, all I wanted to do was talk to jenny so that I could apologize to her for what I said. I ate like half my dinner. it was good but I just didn't want to eat. so, we went to the party, and I was miserable, people were drinking and all I wanted to do was talk to jenny. finally, Kenny gave me the number to Amy's cell phone. so I called it, and Amy wouldn't let me talk to jenny. then Kristen answered and she wouldn't let me talk to her, and then James, her brother wouldn't let me talk to her. I was really hurt. so I got her brothers number from Justin. she had given it to him. that really hurt me, that she gave her  cell phone number to Kenny, and her brother's number to Justin. that devastated me. I just wanted to cry. it just wasn't fair. then Justin called her, and convinced her to come to the party. he handed me the phone, but she really wouldn't say anything to me. I was crushed again. the one thing that I loved more than anything in this life, including myself wouldn't even talk to me. I have never felt so bad. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die, but I couldn't do that, I had to stay semihappy for the party. it was all an act, I was not happy at all. finally, at 1230 she came over. she wouldn't even acknowledge me. her roommates hate me now, and they weren't afraid to let me know. fuck Amy, I hate that bitch. I have never liked her. I just want to beat her fucking head in. she is a stupid dirty whore. I don't care if she hates me, I hate her. I feel bad that cristin hates me. I like her. I really regret saying anything bad about her. then breiane came out and tried to start a fight with jenny. she claimed to be my friend. fuck her. she s a bitch. she acts like a stupid tease. she a dumb tease, she never gives anybody anything. she just likes to pretend like she's a whore. I don't really like her anymore, but it still hurts me that she doesn't want to have a friendship with me. and then, on the way home I got a speeding ticket. oh after I talked to jenny, I got a half-as hug, and then she hugged Justin and didn't want to let go. then she didn't even say good-bye to me. I was hurt again. back to the speeding ticket, it was for 70 in a 30. I'm going to be fucked if my dad finds out. she didn't call me on Sunday like she said she would. that really hurt. I wanted to call her so bad, but I couldn't, I wanted to so bad, not even funny. on Monday, I talked to her for two hours, it was great, we made out. I liked it so much. she didn't call me last night. she called me this morning at 7. it woke me up. I love her, but she hasn't called me tonight yet. I really want to talk to her, so I hope that she calls me tonight. I stayed up to 3 waiting for her last night, then I fell asleep. tonight, I wont make that same choice. I'm going to go to bed early tonight.