ahs10/essays-big5 huggingface dataset:
After the first day of class, I went to my dorm room and tried to sit down and do this assignment. To my luck, I was unable to get connected to this address. Oh well. my sister id talking to me right now. she actually thinks Im listening to her. I guess that is why I am a theater major. right now she's reading me The Principal from the Black Lagoon. My sister is a special education teacher in Killeen, Texas. We are at my mom's elementary school, in her office. She happens to be a Principal. The reason Im back at home this fine labor day weekend is because I was unfortunate enough to be born in September. Yes I am still seventeen. Back to what I was thinking about. oh yeah I am home now because I need to have my parent's permission to do the experimental research for this class. I am going back to school on Monday. I feel bad leaving my room in such a mess, but my roommate went to fort worth to visit her best friend at TCU. Gretchen is her name. She is not having such a grand time at school so she convinced Kristin, my roommate, to go up there and visit her. Well I only have ten minutes left to type. I am so glad you don't plan to read these assignments because the typographical errors are plentiful. My sister is such a dork. she is singing everything that she would normally speak. She graduated from the University of Texas. (along with her husband)  She keeps asking me if I am excited about going to school at UT. Of course I am. She wishes she had majored in Theatre. Don't get me wrong she loves teaching, but her first love was the theatre. I need to get organized. I still haven't called my friends to go hang out with them, and I have been home for a couple of days now. I have no idea why I haven't called. Maybe it's because I know I have a lot of things to do such as homework, or laundry, or last minute items to buy from Wal-Mart. It has nothing to do with not wanting to see them. I guess well I don't know . I guess that's why I am in this psychology class. I always wanted to take psychology in high school, but I never had time to take in my schedule. The psychology teacher was also my honors English teacher my sophomore year. She was a pretty cool lady. Well twenty minutes have passed and as much as I would like to continue chatting with you, but I have a lot of other homework to do. I am also very tired. I stayed up half the night . IT was a sad night learning of Princess Diana's death. I have the chills.
I am running from something. From who I was and where I was. Maybe not running from. Maybe running to something. Everything I see changes. My life is one constant storm, one sunset. I don't spend enough time thinking about who I am. I am attracted to things that are not always the best for me. I think I can fix them. I like to visit my past. Sometimes it is nice to bask in something comfortable. I sit in your glow and warmth. I run to you thinking that you will wrap me in your arms offer me something stable. Something that makes me feel like I know something about my life. I was thinking today as I was walking on campus that you are the only one I would like to run up to and kiss. Then you come at me with your fists up and all I can do is shrivel and draw back. I loose the urge to hold you. for a minute. I wish I could shake you. I sometimes wish I could shake myself. Just get out of my own life for a minute so I would get a new perspective. Do you think I am wonderful? Do you wish that I would let you love me? When I was running today I pounded out all of my aggression and all that I was left with was tears. Do you ever have the feeling that anger is a mask for pain. I think I play that game a lot. Hide what I feel. Or maybe I don't ask. Don't look inside my heart. Too many challenges follow. I am happy though. Proud of myself for the distance that I have walked and that I take another step every day. I wish you would stop me sometimes. Grab my hand and beg me to say. Tell me from your own mouth what your life is like with out me. Admit to me that I am the light that causes you to have a shadow. You never admit things like that. Too much pride to loose I guess. I let you fill me. I made you my home. Then so much of what I thought we had and what I thought we were did not exist. Very confusing. And painful to tell you and me the truth. I wish I had something beautiful to say. I wish I was the rain that washed down over the whole world. Beautiful gray drops that just make you want to stay in your warm bed. They are comfort and beauty and a rare surprise. They can be gentle and subtle. Or they can fall with a vengeance drench you make you remember things you want to forget. Create a spectacle in the sky. Lightening strikes my heart. I wish I was the lightening that struck your heart. Then I remember that I am lucky. So many people never find what I have. The ability to love, be loved, lay beside someone. Hold them, think them, feel them. I am lucky to have found people that will hold me with out making me pay them back, love me without asking when I will notice. With those people in mind I decide to get out of the life I live with you. Focus on them. Devote time to them. Hold them in return for once. Decide who I am and quit letting you define me. I think I will be happier that way. I think maybe it is time to let my light shine.
My name is Rebecca Webber. I wonder how many people will start out this writing by stating their name. it seems the logical thing to do since they have just finished typing it and therefore will be thinking about it. I wonder if this assignment is some kind of study that our professor is doing. he did say that he and whoever helps him would not get around to reading these writings for a long time which makes me think that he is compiling some big database to look at find stuff out about people who take a beginning psychology course at the University of Texas and what makes them tick. I wonder how many people will write about how they think that this is a dumb assignment. how come my words are appearing on the screen on one huge line instead of returning to the next line?  I would really like to have access to these writings. I bet it will fascinating to see what people will put down. can any of this be used against me in a court of law?   I am having a great deal of trouble making my computer operate correctly. that is why I am writing this assignment in the basement of jester instead of in the comfort of my own room on the 11th floor. I am worried about having to run down that many steps if there is a fire. the thought of burning to death does not scare me as much as the thought of drowning. that is odd since I am an excellent swimmer and even have worked as a lifeguard. the summer I guarded, I had nightmares about drowning. I don't want to think/write about that anymore. I wonder if Luke write his article for the Texan. I wonder if Daniel is mad about the letter I wrote him. relationships are very hard sometimes. I have two hard relationships. one with Daniel and one with Abby. gabe is hard to relate at times too. I like Abby more now that I don't have to live with her. I wish that I could just be normal where Daniel is concerned. actually that is the problem: I am normal. I am tired of this. I swam laps today. exercise is very good for self-esteem, not because it makes you look better although it does)it just makes you feel better about yourself. I wonder if there is a hormone released when you work hard at something that makes you feel good about yourself. this seems like such a waste of time. I glad to help professor pennebaker get tenure though.
At the moment Im sitting in my room enjoying a 44 oz. slurpee. A cherry and coke mix, which is my favorite. I have been relaxing after another crummy cafeteria meal thinking about the days occurrences. Tuesdays and Thursdays are rough because I have to go to class all day. Classes aren't really that bad but they seem to put a large strain on  the mind making a body feel worn out. The course load for me this year is tuff and it seems that I have little free time left. This is a very strange assignment in my mind. I can't see what yall can get from hearing me ramble on about nothing, but if it helps then I guess its worth it. Chapter two in the Psy. book is very interesting in fact I have found the  course to be interesting. To bad it comes after an hour and a half of chemistry and the most boring class I have ever been in. The selection of girls in the class isn't bad either. So an interesting class combined with good looking scenery is a big plus in my book. Whoa brain freeze. damn I hate those. Well after this I have to start on my M 408D homework. Now that is one hard class. That one and Chem 302 are going to be the death of me this semester. It seems like a 20 minute free flow writing assignment seems like it  would be hard, but once you start it just seems to flow, kind of like a good rap song. I really like rap the combination of a good beat and  a master on the microphone to me is really fine music. However, I love oldies too The Beatles, Mommas & the Pappas, The Monkeys, and so on  are really good listening music. Kind of like returning to my roots I guess. Well that was twenty minutes so Ill shut up now hope this was enough to fulfill your requests.
My name Is Keely and I am a Freshman here at UT. Moving away from home has been a difficult task. I have really been lonely here. I have noticed that it is getting easier though. I do have two brothers that live here in Austin. My oldiest brother also attends UT. He is in his second year of law. My other brother Josh doesn't go to school, but hopefully he will decide to one day. Classes have also been getting more difficult. I have been really stressed out because of all the reading. I am really nervous about some of the upcoming tests. Hopefully I will have prepared myself for them. I have a boyfriend named Jacoby. It was really hard to leave back at home. I miss him very much. This coming weekend is our year anniversary. I really want to go home to see him, but I don't think I'm going to be able to. It is very difficult to be here in Austin without all of my friends. When I'm bored there really isn't anyone to hang out with. My brothers are working a lot so they don't have much time to hang out. My  parents were sad to see me leave for college, my mother expecially. I am the baby of the family. My mother is extremely emotional. She often cries and gets depressed now that all of us are gone. She also calls us a lot more and e-mails me all the time. I feel sorry for her!  The only person she hangs out with is my dad. My dad isn't too bad, he just is set in his ways. He sits in his recliner and watches nascar all the time. My poor mother has to sit there and watch it with him. That really doesn't sound too fun to me. Anyway, I know that I will eventually get used to it here, but it will take some time. I just try to keep myself busy so that I don't have time to think about how homesick I am. At least I have my brothers here. I couldn't imagine being here all alone. I would drive myself crazy!  My roomate is really cool. I got really lucky with that. We have soo much in common. She has the same since of humor as I do. Also, we have all the same classes together, which is really helpful. Now it doesn't seem like I'm alone all the time. I have her there going through the same thing. Another thing is that the bus stop by my dorm takes me straight to my brother's aptartment. This makes it very convinient. I can get off campus and try to get away from it all. Well, I seemed to have come to a block. I can't think of anything to say. I'm trying to keep typing though. Oh, I really am enjoying psy. class. It is really interesting!  I know it is only going to get better too. Psychology is my major (at least for now) so this is my type of thing.
I tried to clam her down before talking to her about what was wrong. When I finally got a complete sentence out of her she told me that a girl who I was friends with, well we weren't like best friends or anything, but I had two classes with her and talked to her everyday, had been killed in a car accident earlier that day. I sat there for a second not even realizing what she was saying. When I got off the phone I went to my mom and told her very matter-of-factly what had happened. The next day I went to school not knowing what to expect, but after having been in class for only a short while and hearing my teachers and principal attempting to explain what happened and try and calm everyone down I was bawling. That's when it hit me, I just didn't understand it. Walking into the classrooms which I had shared with her only the day before was the weirdest feeling, I could see my other classmates in the hall and as they reached the classroom, some screamed, some wept and some just turned and walked away very quickly. The following days were exhausting, I don't think I had every cried that much in my life. I couldn't be at home alone, I don't know what I was afraid of, except just having time to think about it. Despite the hurting that I and the others that knew her felt, I was happy for her. She was in a better place, she was an awesome person and I have no doubt that she is in Heaven now. The funeral was huge it felt like our entire school was there. Her closest friends, including her boyfriend who was driving the car that day, all got up and told funny stories about her and how awesome she really was, that was comforting, but also extremely hard to listen to. At the intersection where she was killed people gathered at all hours of the day and night, it was a very saddening sight to see all of her friends just staring at the cross surrounded by flowers, her favorite candy and pictures, which still stands there. When I went to the cross all I could do was stare at the street and the markings which the police had made only a short time before. After the funeral I only went to her grave once and that was after attending my neighbors funeral, they were buried practically next to each other. It was all I could do to keep my attention on the service. When the time had finally come for my to walk over to her spot, I was fine until I faced it directly and saw her picture laying among the flowers and notes everyone had left. I lost it, I almost fell, but my sister caught me. I was a mess. I wrote her countless letters that never made it to the cross or to the site, but I know she knows how I feel and that comforts me. I pray for her family and close friends all the time, it was hard enough for me I can't imagine what it was like for them.
I don't know what I should be doing right now. I mean life is so complicated and strange to me. My father says I can do whatever I want to at university and he will be happy with it, but the thing is if I do what I want then he would be pretty upset with me. Hell, he would disown me. I don't know why I have to do things in order to please him but I have to. Its like I have no choice. I am just starting to get his trust back and I don't want to lose that little bit that I have. You could say that I'm destined to do what other people want me to do. That is the way that society is these days. We are all conformed to a certain structure in life that we have to follow; and if we don't conform then we are outcasts and shunned by society. The "norm" they call it. Why does there have to be a "norm". I don't see why we can't live the way that we choose and be free. Oh well, back to happy thoughts. Amanda. There is a happy thought. I wonder. I wonder what?  I don't know. I guess I wonder if it will work. I'm nuts about he she is nuts about me, but we don't get to see each other as much as we would like. I guess that is true about a lot of couples. But I still don't know. What I do know is that I want to stay together, even though everyone is talking about us. I don't care how old she is. Hell, she is only 2 years younger that me so that doesn't matter. People are just making a big deal out of it because I am in college and she is a sophomore in high school. She is still a lot more mature than a lot of people older than me. She understands a lot of things. I guess that is because she grew up in Saudi. People there are generally more mature than people here in the states. We are forced to grow up faster than people here. We lose our innocence faster, and have to learn about the world and society as a hole much quicker. Lets leave it on this note. These are strange days that will challenge our true selves. I wish I could go deeper than that but I'm not going to spill all of my guts to a computer. Later babe.
and I feel like I'm starting to get sick, and I really feel like going home for a while and forget about everything involved with college and responsibility. oh well I'm also really sick of guys and everything that they bring about in my life. not really but they seem to confuse me a lot, especially when the one I really love is way too old for me, but he is my best friend. I can't even sleep anymore because I have so much on my mind, everything that was familiar to me in my life has been dramatically changed in a period of a couple of weeks. I miss my family not like homesick but just miss being a part of my family circle. I don't feel like I truly belong anywhere anymore. when I go home all my stuff is here and I feel like I'm missing something important in my life when I'm away from home. I am really worried about money, I have a car payment due in about a week and I feel bad taking money from my parents constantly. I am still working some in san Antonio but it gets hard to go back and forth every other weekend. but I'm worried about not working at all because I need money now more than ever. the real reason I don't want to quit working there is because my boss is like my best friend who I am madly in love with and who I have been in love with for the last 2 years. I miss him so much and if I don't work there anymore I'm afraid I won't get to see him anymore. that would be one of the worst things that could happen he makes me laugh I get mad at him but I get mad at him because I do love him. oh well obviously he is in my mind more than just about anything. I forget about him occasionally when I go out with my friends or other guys, but the minute I think I have forgotten about him. he calls. he called me 4 times this weekend, and it makes me wonder what is he thinking does he miss me as much as I miss him if I'm lucky the answer is yes, but he may just think of me as a really good friend. and maybe that is all we are meant to be I just want to get out in the open even though I'm sure he all ready knows. but I'm young I should only be thinking about school but that can be easier said than done 18 years. of my life was spent in san Antonio and I miss everything I left behind even though I am enjoying things here too I mean it is all a new experience and I like not having to really answer to anybody but myself and God. even though I completely respect my parents it was time for me to grow up and lead my own life and make all my own decisions. that is all.
This seems kind of odd to sit and write to a complete stranger. I wonder if i should try to be grammatically correct, if I should capitalize my letters. Normally my mind is very poetic in it's way of thining. I can walk around daily thinking of poems, constantly creating poetry out of the world. Then there's the side of me that is analytical, am I typing too much? Why am I talking to myself? Damn a minute is a long time? There are always questions. I've always had a fascination with animals, this in turn make me grow way too fond of my pets. I believe it's personally healthy for me, but it is controversial. . (no i do not do vulgar things with my dog). I have a weenie dog, and she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I got her when i was really sad and it is her that lifts me up. The breed itself is funny, their length is their personality. It is also amusing that I, a man hating lesbian, have a weenie dog. My room is really hot right now, i'm here thinking of leaving, not sleeping; I already sleep too much. You would think it takes longer than five minutes to think this much but oh well. I feel like i'm talking to myself but it's odd to know that someone will read this. What happens if someone says they will kill themselves. do you shrug it off, or do you intervene? I think i would like a job were i just sit and read peoples thoughts, i think maybe 20 minutes might be too long but it's not a big deal. It's like i'm turning paranoid, i'm starting to think of things to write, like my outfit or my hands, almost like when your senses are on high and you have acute hearing and taste and smell and touch. That's when you are precise, you know what you are talking about. There is alot of dissapointment in the senses. Our mind has such an imagination that we are often dissapointed by what it really feels like or something such as that. I also wonder what this expiriment is for. What is it that you are trying to get out of me? My age you know, my life you never will so what's up your cranium?  That's a funny thing to say. My mind is slowing down and i don't have that much to say. i don't really think i can do this continous thing.  Is it ok if i pause a few times. It's weird the things people are worried about, like what could you possibly do to me if i said vulgar things to you on this assignment. I watched a good movie yesterday, it had a cheater in it, something I now can relate to. It's not good to feel that, never will be most likely (unless jealousy ignites your desires). I only wish I never do that to anyone, for I know how it feels and it is from that that I do not want to hurt people. but i know i might not be strong enough to substain. so i leave my door open to things, to everything and i wonder now that it's the end of my time wether or not it automatically cuts you off at 20 minutes or can you finish your sentence. I guess that is just a common worry, but if it's not maybe i'm just paranoid.