Ok, so I don't understand how people can get into relationships that are so suffocating. My friend was just telling me how his girlfriend was mad at just because he didn't call her right at 12am. He also told me that he couldn't tell his girlfriend that he was out with me at HEB because then that would make her jealous. What kind of relationship is that when there is no trust, even though they say they love each other. Blah, blah, blah. They've been going out for less than 3 months and they are talking about love and marriage. I can't imagine falling in love so quickly. Maybe that is because I've never been in that situation before. My friends always ask why I don't date. I've been trying to figure out that myself. I usually use the "copout" answer that I don't have the time which is indeed true. I also think that I don't date because I haven't found the person who I click with. There are some friends I feel totally comfortable around, but they are too good of friends and that would be way too awkward. Supposedly, as others say, I could get any guy I want, but I totally doubt that. I guess I just have a low selfesteem, but I don't know. That's kind of an extreme statement to make. I think also I've been so independent all my life because of mommy and daddy always being at the restaurant that I basically raised myself. There could have been so many opportunities for me to turn bad, but I didn't. Yet, things my parents never think anything is good enough. I feel like they always see the bad in me. If I do something good, they praise that, but automatically follow with a negative quality about me. How do you think that makes me feel? What's the point of trying if nothing if ever good enough. I always do things to please others. I am doing pharmacy because my parents want me to and I don't want to disappoint them because I see how hard they work and what they have gone through with my brother. I sometimes get so depressed when I realize that they are putting all their hopes on me and they make me feel guilty when I don't do what they want me to do. Sometimes I feel it is too much pressure on me and I just want to cry and give up everything. Don't they understand that that is too much pressure for me and that I might crack one day and go crazy. Sometimes I always ask why me and why my family. like why are we going through these tough financial situations when we are such good people. But then I realize how lucky we are. We have a home, food, and all the people in my immediate family are healthy and living. I hear horror stories of what other people have to suffer through and I make it a point to not take anything for granted because EVERYTHING could completely change in a blink of an eye. I also ask why are all the girls so much prettier than me and why I'm not as smart as others. Then I hear kids that are born with mental retardation and makes me realize how lucky I am to be healthy and normal. It so hard sometimes to see of all the good things you have when you envy what others have. That's a serious problem I have. I should just be content with what I have and not worry about what others have. I like to be nice to others but when I see my friends giving more attention and things to my other friend who is always mean and whiney, what's the use of being nice and submissive. Why do all the good "guys" lose? I guess that is just how the world works and that is so pathetic. I guess that is how human nature is. I went to the UT Dance Clinic tonight and I wish I was good enough to make it. I just don't pick up combinations up as quickly as the other girls. I wish I could because I really want to make it. I love to dance. I wish I could do that for the rest of my life but I am not good enough to make it my profession. It is so relaxing and I truly love doing it. I don't think pharmacy is what I want to do for the rest of my life. It seems to boring. But I have absolutely no idea what I want to do. I guess I haven't found my niche in the world. I wish I just knew what I wanted to do and go with it. Why do I change my mind so often? Life would be so much easier if I could just figure out what exactly I wanted to do with my life. I just hope my future is all I hope it to be. happy, prosperous, healthy, and with someone I truly love.