ahs10/essays-big5 huggingface dataset:
what am I ganna do ? psychology, freshman seminar, all I can do is smoke a cigarette. gosh, am I really ganna get cancer? I hear that every cigarette you smoke takes 5 minutes off your life. my hair is getting long. I wish I could have long hair like Rapunzel. the blonde lady on the wallpaper of my old house. in the guest bathroom. she sat on an elephant. surrounded by trees and shrubbery. god how I used to want to be that lady. I remember as a little girl standing in that bathroom, staring at the wall and at myself in the mirror. where does time go? am I ganna be able to pull off this college business? a computer that is so stubborn. I have no clue how to use computers! I wish I was in all writing classes. I have so much homework. how am I ganna get into the school of communications? do I want to be an english major? gees! 10 hours at the sorority house a week! I wonder if I'll be able to concentrate there. the sound of the paper on my cigarette burning as I inhale. that sketches me out. I need to quit. I need to study. so, there was the door. I got a ticket to the game. what game? I have no clue! football? basketball? I have no clue! I need to get my act together. damn, I'm out of cigerettes. the food downstairs makes me nautious. I wonder if anyone reads this. hello, my name is natalie, my friends call me nat. there are 2 of us. nat berg and nat lep. pronounced "leap". both h-town girls. this floor is hard. scratchy, dirty, blue-gray carpet. we had a roach last night. julie is allergic to roaches. that was dad on the phone. sounds kind of pissed. we are going to los angeles for Rosh Hashana. Daniel is there. I can't believe he has mono. that is crazy. he decieded to rush. there is only one jewish fraturnity there. it is so diferent there. beautiful weather. I hate the winter. I hope by then I'll feel better about my classes. I'm so scared. so scared. maybe everyone feels overwhelmed. ut is so huge. how am I supposed to make good grades? I don't even know how to get to class. I'm ganna die.
I was a little nervous about writing for this assignment because I've never really done anything like this. So i decided to put it off until the last minute. It is now twelve twenty-three on the night before its due. Im really beginning to get nervous about the whole college experience. So far I havent really met any new people that I would actually fraternize with on a regular basis. I think the main reason for this is that so many of my friends from high school are attending UT. It is a lot easier to just hang out with them all the time than to bother with the trouble of making new friends. Although I know in the long run this will not accomplish one of my goals in coming to college, which is to make new diverse and long lasting friendships. I don't know I guess will just have to see how things turn out. One thing that I am really happy about is the fact that my girlfriend also goes to college here. In fact she is a mere stones throw away in LLD. She means alot to me and during this time of insecurity it makes things a little easier. I mentioned LLD well that is a girls dorm, near LLB which is my dorm Whitis court that I now call home. Whitis is a nice little community although I don't much enjoy some of the company here. The rooms are nice and very spacious unlike in Jester. However its still kind of hard to think of this room as my own. It seems like a room in a hospital or some mental institution, with its industrial white painted walls and linoleum floor. I guess its just one more thing Ill have to get used to. Not only is the new college experience making me uncomfortable right now. I am also planning on joining the Marine Corps and going to the PLC course this summer. It is a big step  in my life and im a little unsure about it right now. My father was a marine and his father was in the army and I feel somewhat obligated to serve my country. One thing that I would like to accomplish in my life is making my father proud and i think that is perhaps one thing that could. Me and my father didnt have the greatest relationship this past summer before i went off to college. It seemed like he was pushing me away and out of the family. I know he loves me but i guess thats just the fathers way of letting go. Hopefully this time apart will do our relationship well. He came into town for a job interview the other day but i didnt get to see him, it was a little upsetting. I really do love and care for my family but I believe they think much to the contrary. I guess I don't show it very well, or give them much common courtesy. This short time away from home has made me realize how much they do for me and how much I miss them.
I'm really behind in school work right now. I have been working so much that I have put school work aside. I have a lot of things to buy and not enough money for everything. I'm wondering if I really need to buy a mask for my scuba class. that means I would have to invest ninety bucks in a mask and at least twenty for the snorkel. another thing that makes me really mad is that I just bought those flip-flops today and somebody stole them. that makes me so mad, it's like nobody has any integrity anymore. I don't understand every time I find something in a store I always turn it in. that's  the way I would like for my things to handled if I left them. it just makes me mad. sure, they were on a super sale for ten bucks, but still, that is not the point. I wonder where my honey is at. oh yeah he had a flight meeting to attend. I wonder when he'll be back. it's already nine. okay, let's think, what do I have to do tonight. I have to finish up my economics homework, gosh I have to get at least a b in that class. I also have to get a good grade in this psych class. I wonder who's right outside, they sure are making a lot of noise. oh yeah, I have to do good in this class because I need it for my sequence to apply to the school. so I have to finish up this homework and then do eco. I'm glad I don't have to worry about digging up all the answers since I already found a bunch of them. I have to read for social work and I need to go and buy the sports package. I need to find out what time I have to be at work on Wednesday evening. I don't think my boss understands that my class doesn't let out until five and she wants me at work by five thirty, she's crazy. gee, I'm really thirsty. gosh, I have got to get back into homework. I have a test in sw on the 22. I have so much reading. I hate reading especially about research stuff. I think the only reason I'm caught up in psych is because most of the reading is pretty interesting and so is the prof. and economics, I guess I'm just afraid to fall behind in that class. so my goal for the evening   will be to get all this psych stuff done and economics and get through the chapter in social work. that shouldn't be too hard. I kind of like that Jason isn't home but I'm getting worried about him. if he were here then I probably wouldn't' be getting this done. on the other hand he has plenty of physics and calc to do also so I guess we'll both be getting school work taken care of tonight. I'm so excited that I'll get to go to one of the football games this year. at least I'll feel like a normal college student for a day. I wonder how that slip that I just bought fits. I have yet to try it on. I bet Jason will love it but he will just have to wait. gosh, I'm hungry. what did I eat today, oh yeah I ate Chinese. I really have to get in touch with bob.  I feel so bad that I haven't contacted him. I need to extend my condolences to his family. I bet his poor mother must be miserable without her husband. I don't know what I would ever do if I lost Jason, that's because we're not even married.
And so know I begin my first assignment in psychology. I don't know exactly how to begin this but I'm giving it my best shot. Typing isn't my forte so this is going pretty slowly. My roommate just walked in and then right out as soon as I told him what I was doing. Wow, there's something on the screen besides solitaire! He must be thinking. I hope my computer gets fixed soon. It'll be so much easier being able to send this through the internet from my dorm rather than going to the SMF lab and waiting for an open computer. They should have come to fix it by now. I guess they have a lot of people to help considering that I've called them two or three times already. And when the Ethernet starts working that will be awesome. Lightning fast access; no more waiting and waiting and waiting. . At least the phone lines are up and running ( in my room anyway). And not only that I got two free phone cards on the street today. I love it when they just hand out free stuff!  Uh oh, I just heard some cars screeching outside but I can't see anything from my window. I hope they're o. k. I can't leave this keyboard! Hmmmmm, I just got writer's block and I'm writing through my stream of consciousness. I wonder if that's bad. I just got a song in my head but it's not like I can write down the notes ( it's instrumental ). My gum is losing its taste, I think that I might need a new piece soon. It's Winterfresh gum. It's my favorite. I don't exactly know why it's my favorite gum, but maybe I'll find out in this psychology class. Psychology is a kind of hard word to type and it takes a little longer that some of the other words. My roommate just turned on some music. Its called Prodigy, the group that is, and they play electronic music. It sounds pretty cool, I think I'll go listen to it.
I believe sometimes I think to much about what's at hand. I always have to be scheduled and know what's to come. I wonder if its just good discipline or if its a problem. For example its the first day of class and I'm doing the writing assignments already, it was my mind so I did it. My mind is wandering, I'm thinking about my girlfriend at home and what she is doing and thinking about, hopefully me of course. What are my other friends doing that went to others schools, do they feel pressured. What am I suppose to be thinking or typing about. I wonder if your looking for any certain topic we should be thinking about. Am I going to do well in this class, will I get an A, B , C, D, or even fail? I guess I will find Out Eventually.
I'm at home right now. it's weird because I don't really live here anymore  sine my new home is at UT. 'm glad I got to come and see my dog and my cats. they miss me alot. I love my sister. she already says she wants to be a d-g  and she knows nothing about it but that her big sis is one. I have so much  to do that it's crazy. I feel like no mater what I do there's always something  else to do. I am sooooooo excited about Friday. my ex-boyfriend is diving down  from tech to see me. it's been over a month since Ive seen him. I can't  decide what to do about him. we get along great. he can treat me well, when  he doesn't he doesn't do it on purpose. I know that this sounds pathetic but  it's not. Im confused because I want us to get back together this weekend but I also want to just be friends. it's just that I love him so much and could see myself married to him. I know that he loves me. he said that he wanted us to get back together, but we'll see what happens. it's amazing how the boy is  always on my mind. I mean, the more I try to stop, the worse it gets. I guess that's how you know that you're in love. ok, it's been ten minutes and I still  have ten to go. yeah, not. I hate to write. I hate that I had to take freshman English because I got at 600 instead of a 610 on my sat2. dumb. the class will be  easy though. I like college life. the only class Im scared of is calculus. I was supposed to take it in high school but was busy with dance and pals so I didn't take it. big mistake. Ive forgotten so much stuff since junior year. my lil sis is a big sophomore now. she still seems so young to me. my parents went to the airport to get my older bro. he's the perfect son-national merit scholar, works for my dad, etc. the cowboys won today. I was exited. Josh, my ex, and I used to bet on the cowboy games. this reminds me to copy that e-mail he wrote. he was fighting with this other guy over me. how romantic. I miss him alot. Im so glad I get to see him this weekend. I know that this is materialistic, but Im worried about what to wear. I have this effect on him that he can't resist me(I know it sounds like I have an ego, but he has the same effect on me which makes it so hard) it was easy when Id see him every day because it made him want to be with me. but Im worried now that he's  away, he'll forget about his woman in Austin. but whatever's mean to be will be. Im very religious, but today I didn't go to church. it's hard to find time in college. excuses, excuses. I need to go by and oil-absorbing mask. my oily skin is gross. well, Id love to sit here and type some more, but my time is about up and I have to go to the store before my parents and brother get home for family hamburgers night. I can't decide if Im going home to UT tonight or not. I think I might just stay here but I can't decide. hope that my  mind helps you in this experiment or whatever this is. I can't to learn about all this mind stuff. it looks coll. well, bye for now. ps- I feel like I  just wrote a long e-mail to a friend. maybe that's what Ill do now.
Hmmmm. What am I going to write for my stream of consciousness. I don't even know if I spelled that word right. Oh, well. I guess I just write whatever comes into my head. By the way, I have to fill out my daily schedule for my EDP 310 class. Don't forget about that. It's kind of hard to type whatever comes into my head because my hands aren't as fast as my thoughts. (That's obviously a good thing). What's on my mind. This is a lot harder than I thought. Sometimes there is absolutely nothing in my head and I just draw a blank. Nothing to write about. I wish that I can draw pictures on this thing but I can't. I tend to be a more visual person and I get a lot more pictures in my head than words. I think I'm going a bit over twenty minutes, although it doesn't seem like it. I just sit here at my computer and think sometimes because I want something to pop in my head so I can write it down, but nothing happens. It seems like when you want your mind to wander, it has a harder time doing it, but if you're trying to concentrate on something, like when you're taking a test, your mind can't stop wandering. I guess that's the amazing thing about the brain. so unpredictable. At least to the untrained individual who doesn't know what to look for it seems unpredictable. Maybe not so much for an expert. Its funny how the mind works. Anyway, I don't want to get all philosophical or psychological or anything so I think that my time is up. Until next time. Ooohhh my arm itches
I'm almost over being homesick and I'm starting to get into the groove of things. At first all I could think about was getting through the week and trying to come up with an excuse so that I would get a chance to come home and see all my friends. The first weekend I did just that and I did see some of my friends but then I realized they're going through the same thing that I am. Most of my friends are spread out all over the place, from Austin to College Station to North Carolina, my small hometown wasn't anything like it was when I left it. And that was just about two weeks ago. So by the time the weekend was over with I was actually ready to head back to Austin. As of right now I really don't think about near as much. Don't get me wrong I still wouldn't mind going home just to crawl into my good old bed back in Palestine, But at least I can deal with it now. The only thing that is really on my mind is making sure that I'm prepared for every class. So when I go home at Christmas my parents don't kill me for wasting all their money. They keep telling me that they expect me to bring home A's and B's. I don't know about all that but I'm going to try my hardest and hopefully that will be good enough.
Right now I'm sitting at my computer at home trying to decipher a way to buy a new truck. How can I find the right truck that's cool for me, is affordable, and will last without much repair. Well I guess the first thing to do would be to go around to dealerships and research prices and selection on the market. That sounds like a wonderful idea and tomorrow would be a perfect day to go out and do that with my dad, but there is one problem. Which is I am pledging a fraternity right now and should be up at the house tomorrow to be with my pledge brothers. This gets me right back into deciding what my priorties are. So far since school started I have dealt more with priorties in two weeks than ever in my life. I have had to be more definitive with decisions and stand behind them because they are so important now. I want to do so much stuff like join a frat, hang out with friends from high school, buy a truck, get good grades, meet people, and keep up with my girlfriend in New York. Now that's been the most pressing issue on my mind at all times. I got a girl that I'm in love with at school across the country and talk to her every day. Is it possible that I can expect our relationship to work out?  I know I want it to, I know I want to see her and have things the way they were, but is that something I can manage. Are we going to end up on bad terms because one of us is going to meet somebody and the other will feel left out, or can we trust each other and resist tempations and stay together. It just drives me crazy to think about what she is doing all the time. Then I start wondering about my best friend who went to Arizona and if he is meeting new people and finding different friends. I miss having the comfort of my girlfriend and best friend around because I feel I don't act like my true self around new people. I am not trying to be fake with anyone, but I can't be comfortable and completely open around new people and I don't like that. I just hope to keep in contact with all the people that mean a lot to me, and never sell them out to new friends because I would be preety upset if that ever happened to me. Even though I got lots of new friends in my fraternity, they can never eplace the ones that I spent my time with in high school and they will never share those same experiences.
Right now I am actually thinking that I am not sure exactly what I am going to write about during this twenty minutes. I was actually feeling a little nervous before clicking the button to start this assignment but now I am just thinking about what I am going to write. I just thought that if I think about something that I normally would not want someone esle to know, should I write it here. I still stuck on what to write. I just decided to think about what I have to do today and that will give me something to write about. First I have to finish this assigment, then I have to sign up for testing and hopefully finish the pre-testing before the deadline. Then I am going to make an outline for the first three chapters of my managerial accounting textbook. My train of thought was just interrupted because I started worrying about whether or not I can type fast enough to have enough written down for this assignment. Actually, I am not even sure if that matters because I am not 100% sure about how these assignments are graded. I heard Professor Pennebaker say that all we have to do is turn them in on time and we get full credit as long as we take them seriously. So that should free me up to just write. I think I might stress to much about grades. Good Lord, I am thinking that this writing assignment is not going as I pictured it. I feel a little awkward about what I just wrote. I am thinking write now about what to write next. I am thinking that I want these next seven minutes to go by quickly. I'm feeling stressed about all of the school work and outside work i have to do. I am wondering how I am going to get all of it done and when I will have time to relax or if I will have time to relax. I am now thinking that this 1st writing assignment is not going so well. I am now thinking that I wish my phone would stop ringing because it is interrupting my writing. Iam still thinking that I worry too much though. I wish I didn't. I feel like I could of done better on this writing or that I had a done it another time it might have been more up beat. The time is up. I hope this is o. k.
right now my mind says why the hell do I have to do this. I'm not up to doing this crap because I just woke up and I realized that I have to get this homework done before it is due in class. I have been missing home and all of my friends. especially the girl I love but she is being a bitch to me sometimes and I don't appreciate that. anyway I have realized that I have been slacking off in my classes and I have to get started on doing all of my homework because if I don't then my ass is going to be back in home racking leaves, and cutting grass. anyway, my roommate, which is my best friend is going to move out on me and I am going to be here all alone. I think that at he is stupid for what he did and I hope that all of it is falsed. he might have gotten his seventeen year old girlfriend pregnant and now she wants him to go home and be with her so he is going to  drop out of college to go back home and take care of her. i sure do hope that the bitch is lying and just wants for him to be close to her for no reason. but if she is lying and doing it on purpose,  then I will fuck the shit out of her for being a bitch. anyway enough of the vulgarity, this is  all that is bothering me and all that is running through my mind, I am also thinking about this girl named felicia that I met last night. she had just turned nineteen and she is one of the nicest girls that I have met down here. she has a wonderfull sense of humor, she doesn't like to leave anyone out and she has a beautifull smile. I don't think that she thinks much about me but I sure do  hope that one of these days she realizes what a great guy I am and she starts to recognize my existance on this earth. tonight is going to be a great night, we are going to go eat chinese food  at the china star, we are also going to go get drunk off our asses and party tonight. my friend is  not going to forget tonight since it will probably be his last night here so I we are going to party for him, the twenty minutes seem to be up so lates and peace out.