ahs10/essays-big5 huggingface dataset:
I feel a bit stressed due to the fact that my first three tests are all next week. What will they be like?  Will I do well?  Or, will I enter the large classroom, with a crowd of students all cramming in the information for those last final moments before the test and freeze after spending countless hours preparing. The new environment is wonderful, however many changes come along with it. The first test of the year, the first test at college. Each exam seems to have much more bearing upon your grades than in the past. Some thoughts about how I'm going to go about studying have crossed my mind over the past few days. These hours have most likely been wasted, as I could have been studying or reading material which will be covered on my tests. However, this is not quite the way I always function. I often tend to spend too much time worrying about how I will go about doing something, rather than just doing it. Anyway, I spent a couple of hours studying today and I have figured out what time of each of my days between now and Wednesday, and how each precious moment will be spent. I'm sure it will all work out, but until these first three tests are finished, I know that some time will be spent worrying about how the final result turn out. Those are just some thoughts about school which are probably quite typical of a freshman. It's strange to come from the top, back down to a little freshman. It appears that quite a few people have decreased their level of maturity back down to a freshman in high school. A girl I know walked back into her room last night to find her pictures colored on and holes punched in her eyes. Seems a bit disturbing, doesn't it?  There's always the issue of talking to a boy and everyone assuming that your "going steady. "  It's difficult to even go to someone's room of the opposite sex without everyone assuming that you must have been doing something rather than talking. I guess everything, with time will pass. I'm really enjoying the transition, for the most part. It's strange to not see some of my best friends, but this is all part of growing up (Not to sound hokey). So far, it's been lots of fun and a time of many changes. I'm eager to see what lies in the future and continue to make new friends.
Usually when you know that you have to do something, you usually think about that something, you usually think about that something and wonder, "How am I going to do it?  Where do I start?  Where do I finish?  How do I know that I am doing it right?"  This is my situation exactly with this writing assignment. Its the middle of the week and the weekend is almost here. I can't wait till Saturday because I will attend the first UT football game this season, which I might add, will be my first time to attend one. The weeks go by so slow in the fall semester compared to when I was up here for summer school. Its a real drag. I'm always so tired I hate it. Labor day is this weekend, really looking forward to the four day weekend and getting some time to rest. Maybe I'll go visit Brett (an El Paso friend) at the hidious A & M, College Station, the drive is a drag though. The road trip that me and Lianne went on last weekend to go visit up there was sort of fun, but people down there are really rude and it just bugs the hell out of me. All they're concerned about is putting UT down or "TU" as they call us since we're not "THE" University of Texas but "A" Texas University!  Isn't it stupid. Still admit I'm upset about them breaking the horns of my longhorn emblem on my car. Its sad how immaturity can get the best of people. They do have a lot of school spirit. Makes me wish that I was into that stuff. Who knows, maybe when all the football games start. I want to see how crazy us Longhorns really get. I can't wait till softball games start, I want to see all their home games to see what it takes to be on the team!!  Hopefully next year, after a lot of hard work and practice to get back into it, I will be ready to try out. I'm really discouraged about trying out this year, I know I'm not ready. My family's encouragement helps but I don't want to make a fool out of myself. I can just imagine being out on the field suited out in a UT uniform. How amazing. That is my goal!!  If I can be one of the best players in my city, why wouldn't I have a shot on the team. I just think that I lack a lot of skill to be playing at the university level. It may be outstanding for high school, but college ball is a totally different game. I love being away from home to go to school, there is so much more freedom. Don't have to be home at a certain time, don't have to check in. I love it. There are a lot more responsibilities though, but I'm picking up on the time management. The Incubus concert is coming up and I'm (since yesterday) going. I've only heard a few songs by them so I can't say that I'm an "all out" fan of theirs. But hey I'm open to the experience, it's going to be my first real concert. I should really save my money, but hey, why not just do it. Its worth the experience.
I don't really know how to start this but I guess it really doesnt matter Computers are so frustrating. I wish I knew more about them. Its 5:25 now so I need to write until hmmmm 5:45. Thats not to bad. I wonder what that guy keeps laughing about, It must be some really fun assignment or maybe hes on email with some girl or something. He pretty cute, kind of looks like the guy on  The Princess Bride. I love that movie , havent seen it in a while. This assignment is kind of hard because I cant type as fast as I think. Oh, this is how this thing works. Kind of annoying You cant even see what your writing! How dumb. I wonder what Heather is writing I hope my email got to Ryan and Jeremy. That would stink if it didnt. What time is it anyway?  5:35 10 more minutes. There sure is alot of people here for a Friday afternoon. I wonder if I'll be  in here alot doing homework. Probably. I'm kind of tired. I hope gosh I'm hungry. I hope that HOPE is fun tonight. I want to meet some people . I hope David comes I wonder if Trey or Jason called. I bet Trey did for sure. I wish he was more  talkative but he's really nice. I bet Heather kind of likes Dave. I wonder if  I'm going to be able to get out of this computer without having to have that  weird guy help me again. I felt so dumb. I need to do my research requirement  soon so I dont get behind. There's a lot I need to do. That guy is laughing again. I kind of wish I could just laugh back at him. Gosh I'm a really slow typer. I hope I'm doing this right. I wish all my assignments were this easy. I need a floppy disk and oh yeah I need to get those Paradigm notes for Zoology. I bet Leann doesnt remember to bring me hers. Oh well. She's really nice. I wonder where that girl is from. She has a funny accent. I think I've written for about 20 minutes  now so I guess I'll quit even though I dont have very much typed out . I'm just slow. Besides they didnt say this had   to be a certain length just a 20 min. time frame. I wonder whats for dinner tonight. I think I'll go find out.
Twenty minutes seems like an enormous amount of time. I really don't mind it though at least this assignment isn't as boring as the majority of my other homework. oh, so much homework i don't think i was prepared for such and overwhelming firt week . i thought it would be a little more like lee college. Oh, Lee how i will miss your size and the personal connection i made with people there. In fact that could be one of the most significant places I've ever been. I mean after all that is where I met Ryan. He is so very important to me. Even more so know, being in this big city alone, I need him more than ever. That really worries me, I just thought I was beginning to not need him as much in my life and gaining a little more independance and now here I am falling back into the agonizing rut that was my sad little life for two years. I need a job, I feel badly that I've rejected offers that I've gotten, it makes me feel unappreciative of the little extra cash I could be making. It's just that i don't want to be stuck in some meaningless job that makes me miserable i can't help but want something exciting and interesting. I've been doubting my major choice lately and that is really troubling. I've never done that and it was one of the only things I thought I was sure of in my life. The doubt in that area of my future makes me want to question everything else. I need to just take a step back and calm down and try to enjoy the little things. Remember don't worry about the little stuff, and it'e all little stuff. This is a whole new life for you and an opportunity for you to find out who you are and hopefully grow to like that person. Austin is a growing place for you and the chance to discover new things. This has really turned into a depressing journal entry. Mom is probably going to call again while I'm writing, and God forbide I don't pick up the phone. I really do type quite a bit faster than I used to. It is really cold in here and I need to go running. I need to work on trying to improve myself again. Iwas doing so well for a while there and then I just stopped. I guess I felt satisfied for the moment or just became frustrated with the lack of results I was seeing. I hope Dad starts working on my bike, I would really like to live closer to campus and the take my bike wherever I wanted to go. I really wish he didn't hang out with Samantha and Anne whatever her name is. I don't want to be jealous but I can't help it. He should be jealous. I wonder if that was why I wanted Michael to come and visit, for the simple reason of a childish cry for attention. Most likely, but he's not coming so I won't be giving into that anytime soon. I feel like going home but I won't be able to until the 28th. I never realized how attached i was to that comfort and safety. They were right in wanting me to stay but then again I can't help but feeling maybe I needed to be here in this town at this very period of my life. I wish Emily didn't sllep so much. I don't feel sorry for her and the things that happened to her. I don't think she would have been a very strong person anyway. She needs to try harder, things aren't given to people who don't try.
Well I'm sitting at my computer and I don't really have much to say. For some reason I feel as though my mind is completely blank. My roommate just walked out the door and he is about to get ready for class. I am so tired right now. Last night I was up with no thoughts in my head. I was just not able to sleep for some reason. I really hope that this school year goes good for me. I know it is going to be tough but it will be worth it. I have always dreamt of coming to college and now that I am finally here it still seems like a dream. I guess its just hard to believe that I'm on my own, six hours from home. I miss my old friends and my girlfriend, Laura, I can't wait to see here this weekend. Football season is about to start and I am getting so excited to see my first Longhorn game. My mind just went blank again. no thoughts. I think I just used to many dots between words. My nose itches. I need to use the bathroom, but I still have eleven minutes to go on this assignment, and I don't want to stop now. For some reason it seems as though I have been here typing for a long time but really I haven't even typed much. Maybe I type slow. I'm trying to think of what to type now. It seems so easy. ?Just type what you are thinking at the moment?, maybe I'm trying to hard. The phone is ringing. I guess I'll get it. it is was my mom. Yes, she is going to put money in my bank account. That sounds good to me because I could really use it right now. It looks as though I have barely typed anything. I'm not sure how long this should be or what the instructor expects out of this piece of writing. Man I'm thirsty. I could use a spite or a cold coke. Maybe I'll go get one in a little while, or not cause I need to save money. It's tough not having a job and wanting so much. I'm just used to having money to spend on so much stuff that I don't even need in the first place. Six more minutes and I will be done. It actually seems like a long time, but so far it has gone by pretty quick. I wonder how my dog is doing. I hope my mom is feeding her just as I said, and giving her lots of water. She needs that especially in the hot sun. I can't wait to go home and have her jump on me. No thoughts. still none. I think I'm getting addicted to the dot thing. Two more minutes to go and now my eyes are glued to the clock. Every second seems to go by slower and slower now. I really don't want to drive home this weekend. I wish I could fly, but I'll be alright. I just really don't like driving six hours it gets really boring just sitting there doing nothing but paying attention to the road. Well it's been twenty minutes so I guess I'm done.
I need to learn better time management skills. I'm so glad that I can finally access all those crazy sites and forums in rhetoric. Oh wow! What's up with that teacher? I do feel sorry for her though. I know what's it like not to be able to do all that technical computer stuff. Afterall, I was only on the computer last night for four hours. And I can't believe I allowed myself to sleep for over an hour and a half this morning! But you know what? I figured out that I can get a lot of work done as long as I do it outside of my dorm room. I also figured out why people say   silence is golden.  (Though personally, I don't mind a little noise every now and then. ) Oh my gosh! I totally found a gift from God today! I was sitting in the study lounge in Jester only to stumble upon a study group for 408k. And it was definitely a blessing to finally get into Teranchi's class. I can't believe Theresa and my new friends are in there. Though the day has seemed slow, that was such a delight. Now I can email Theresa or maybe call up Katherine. (I talked to Katherine today infront of Jesta Pizza and she's taking 408k too. ) I got the phone numbers of two of the girls in the study group and both said they'd be more than welcome to help me with my 408k homework. The only thing I'm not quite sure if it's a plus or not would be the fact that Coco and Rubes are in this new class as well. I'm not sure if I'm at a stage where I could answer questions as I'm trying to learn them myself. And though it sounds kind of bad, I really need to get an 'A' in 408k. Maybe I can review it this weekend and then I might be able to help them next week. Oh wow, next week! I have tests coming out of nowhere! But today was refreshing considering the fact that I'm actually caught up on almost all of my classes. If I can do that in one day. time management here I come! It's pretty pathetic, the little that make you excited. Well once I'm done with this maybe I'll have a better feeling about the rest of my classes because that's one more assignment down. Oh yeah, uh huh! I kind of wish I was a speed reader. I wonder if I'd actually get to party a lot more. Dude, screw the parties me and Henna are going to build a fort. How cool is that? That's just too cool! Oh yeah, we're going to take the pillows from all our friends and were going to throw blankets over them and   POW   there's your fort. Oh and we're going to watch movies in it too! Oh yeah, people that hear about this one. jealous.
I am feeling anxious about my philosophy class that I have in 40 minutes. the class in which I have not attended yet due to a schedule change. I hope they haven't been assigned a large amount of work yet so that I won't have too much catching up to do. I hope that there isn't going to be an exam on one of the days I'm going to be out of town. I've already had to email professor pennebaker about missing an exam because I will be out of town for my sister's wedding. I wonder what it will be like for my sister after she is married. I hope everything works out for her. I wonder if the person I marry I already know, or if I have yet to meet them. I need to figure out where and how to pay for the classes I added/dropped, I need to do this soon. I hope that when I have to connect flights in st. louis it all goes well and is easy, since I've never had to connect before. it will be worth it though because I'll get to see my sister who I haven't seen in a very long time. I need to go to the rowing meeting tonight, but I'm afraid if I commit to it I won't have enough time to study. also, I'm going to miss 5 days of tryouts because I'll be out of town. it sure seems like going out of town is causing me to miss a lot of things, but my sister is important to me and being a part of her wedding will be very special. I need to go do some reading for my rhetoric class before I have to leave for philosophy. I hope I like this class, or else I switched out of sociology for nothing.
I hope that it doesn't matter that I do not capitalize anything. I seem to type better and more "stream of conscious"-like when I don't have to worry about anything. I like it here at ut. I like how my classes are big. I thought that it was going to be a really big change for me. I went to private school all of my life until right now. my classes were no bigger than 25 people. in fact my psychology class is almost bigger than my entire high school. the hardest part for me so far has been homesickness. I really do like it here. but this whole independence thing is new to me. this week has been a ton better than last week was. I am a little worried about tomorrow because I have two quizzes - one in chemistry and one in medical terminology. they shouldn't be too hard because I've been studying all week. first tests are always worrisome I think. I am going back home to san antonio tomorrow. I can't wait to see my dad. he has been in la for a week or so and I haven't seen him or talked to him. when I think of my dad I always think of this past summer because we would always watch the atlanta braves games and espn baseball tonight together. I have always been a big baseball fan. I never wanted to play softball or baseball, I just really like to watch it. I have realized that watching baseball with my dad at night was how we bonded. he is not a big talker. he is not a very sensitive person either. throughout my life I have never really had anything in common with my father until baseball. I guess the biggest thing has also been me coming to ut. he came here and graduated from law school over 20 years ago. he was so proud that I decided to come here. I love to see him happy. my boyfriend is still in san antonio. he doesn't admit that he didn't want for me to like it here. but I know him better than he knows himself. we've been dating for over three years now. it doesn't seem like that long. I love him. he has tried everything to make me feel better, concerning homesickness that is. he calls me every night and tells me how his day was and then asks me about mine. he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. it's kind of scary though. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. but I am only 18 years old. how do I know for sure that he is the one?  I guess it is just another mystery of life. last week when I went back home I went out with my boyfriend on friday night. I didn't think that it was going to affect my mom so much. she was so hurt that I wanted to go out with him and not spend my time with her. it's hard though. being torn between your boyfriend and your family. but I spend all day saturday and sunday with my family. my mom apologized to me about how she acted. I told her that it was hard for me to choose and that I felt torn between the two. she understood and now everything is great. communication is the key to improving and understanding all relationships. that is what I think anyways. well my twenty minutes are up. I have to go meet my roommate and then we are going to go eat. until the next writing assignment.
I was wanting to get that pre-testing stuff out of the way, but like most every body else in the fucking class I logged on right after the class, and now the damn test site won't respond. Knowing me, I'm going to forget about it or something. I was just in the mood at the time, and it was on my mind you know? So now I decide to polish off something else (this thing) in hopes that when I'm done, the other will be free. Before I go on, I know that you may read this and think, boy this kid sure is edgy or sure gets irritated about a lot of stuff, and you know what? I DO! anyway, since I'm on this whole you know what I hate kick, I'll just tell you things that irritate me that have happened to me recently. For one thing, the battery in my watch went out this morning, and I went to buy a new battery for it today, but can't replace the old one cause I don't have a fucking screwdriver SMALL enough. So now I'm walking around campus wearing a watch that doesn't work and continuously looking at it to know the time. And every time I look at the damn thing, it's blank and I remember that it doesn't work I get mad at myself. And soda machines piss me off too cause every time I really thirst for a particular drink and push the button for that particular drink, I most always get something else. And of course you're left with this drink that you don't want, yet you don't want to just throw it away cause you just spent your last 60 cents on it. Anyway. . ok so how's the family? good? that's great. no serious3e4ly to continue the theme of today's "stream of consciousness" let's talk about music. Now, I listen to all kinds of music ranging from frank sinatra to Fear Factory, so I not judgmental in terms of genre of music, but my friends and I go out from time to time to see bands in Austin perform that are, in our opinion good, without record deals much less MTV support meanwhile talentless bands successful solely due to sex appeal (Bush, No Doubt in particular) thrive. Now you may say, but Alan what about the Spice girls do you hate them? And my answer oddly enough is no. Why? Cause they are all about sex appeal and they know it. Bush and No Doubt actually think they're serious musicians. times up.