I havent really decided what to write about. so many things are going on in my head all the time it seems like I could write for a very long time. I do that though, I have a journal and its handy. I like to go back and read what I write and think to myself 'what an idiot'. its a learning experience really, and I hope more people use journaling to express themselves. Some people use online journals which at first I thought was odd because I write personal stuff in my journal. I wouldn't want the internet world to read all that. but then I started reading my friend's online journals and actually started one myself. Katie calls me a follower but she is a conforming nonconformist in that she claims she's not starting one because everyone else has done so and she'd like to be different. That reminds me of George, he is the classic conforming nonconformist. he hates anything anyone likes and loves anything anyone hates. especially lauren. their relationship is odd in that way. George makes a point of emphatically disliking something just to spite the rest of us. he is an interesting person to study. I am always observant but observing him is just interesting. he's like a girl and I swear he has PMS. we went on a trip to kentucky this summer and he decided he didn't want to go to the lake with the rest of the group (david and I didn't want to either) so the three of us stayed in the condo and played golf actually. but then the next day, he still didn't want to go and he made a big scene about it and then got all huffy when we Couldn't decide on a thing to do when it started raining and the lake was deemed a bad idea. he just left. he drove off in one of the two cars we had and was gone for a long time. the funny thing about chris is that he wants you to think he's cool. so he'll do and say things to seem cool and crazy. he went to a grocery store and was talking to some local teenagers and claims he was invited to go hang out with them that night. I don't know if I belive him but I really don't care. the point is that later he claimed that he 'might' go hang out with them like he was mr. popular. of course he wasn't really and the way to deal with him in his pouty state is to ignore him or somehow let him know that you don't care. He is such a confusing boy. I mean, they're all confusing but he takes the cake. having liked him before, I knew what I was getting into the last time. and the time before that. his biggest relationship flaw is that he is so flaky! so now I feel bad like I'm just judging everyone I know. grr. that's a noise I make, I make many of them. I make many faces too. at work john laughs at me because I can't control my expressions. especially if someone says something dumb. I just can't hold it in. my moms the same way. I wonder if that's learned or inherited. anyway. speaking of mom, my parents moved to florida in feb. and march. it was ok at first because I was of the opinion that I was getting an apartment so I wouldn't be living with them and wouldn't see them much anyway. but man I was wrong. I visited them in may and felt unusually emotionally detached. while I was there dad did the same annoying things he's always done, not listening, asking questions I'd just asked etc. drove me nuts. but now I miss them a lot. I was listening to Avril Lavigne and she has a song called nobodys home. and I realized that I have no where else to go. this apartment is my home now and man that's depressing. the kitchen is dirty, the floors are dirty, we need to steam clean, lauren and katie are bums and it took them 4 days to clean out MY cooler from saturday which now reeks because they left food in there to soak. people would call this bitterness. I like to claim that at least I'm expressing an emotion instead of keeping it all inside like I tend to do. I took one of those personality surveys online the other night because neal showed me the website. it said I was an ESTP? I think. anyway, part of it said that I would tell people what I think. I don't know how correct that is because I am usually the person with enough tact to not say mean things and well pretty much ALL my friends will say crap. Jill is the most tactless, when she and sean got together I was quite angry. and still when I think about it I get angry at her. why not at him? I don't get that. but when I typed his name I accidentally wrote sew. I am thinking about buying myself a sewing machine because I keep thinking of things. like today as I walked across campus I was thinking of different shirts and 'textiles' to make. I've wanted to do stuff like that for a while but I just. didn't. and now, even though I'm busy with papers to write etc, I really want to get creative. Lauren's sewing machine is here still but it didn't work very well. I can't remember how badly it ran but I should probably check that before I buy one. I don't know how much they'll cost either. I think $150 at walmart? but I don't want a plastic one. I'm sure I could break it and I'd rather have machinery than plastic. I think I should inheirit mom's old one and she can get a new one. but I said that once and she said no way. whatev. I'm tired. I tried to go to bed by midnight again but it ended up to be 130 I think. I don't remember exactly but 6 or less hours of sleep sucks. and I've been doing it for days. that's probably not good. another thing that's probably no bueno is that I HATE my job. and this isn't like the first year I worked at culvers and I was just a lazy bum. I am good at my job, I do it well, I used to enjoy serving customers. but now it has  been REALLY hard to make myself go. and its not like I'm just going to call in sick, I just don't want to go. I want to hit almost all of my coworkers, the guys that hit on me and our dumb new manager. I don't get why he thinks he can change everything right when he gets here without learning how the business works in the first place! and he's weirdly energetic. and since lauren and david have told me the same, I know I'm not the only one whos creeped out by it. well goodbye my 20 min were up a few sentences ago.