ahs10/essays-big5 huggingface dataset:
I've never liked writing and any other literature stuff like reading. I also feel a bit different because I've never done my homework on the webpage before. It's a new thing for me. Everything in college feels different. The schedule is flexible; you can have classes from 10 to 11 and then jump to 3 to 4, not all continuously throughout the day. There's also the good thing that I don't have to go to classes I don't want to go to. This freedom of choice gives me a feeling of relaxation but also fear. I feel great that I can do whatever I want, but feel fearful that my choices might not be the best for me. This assignment gives me a feeling of nervousness. I hate writing, especially when I have a time limit on it. It's hard enough for me to come up with stuff to write about when I have plenty of time, and it gets harder when I have a time limit, whether or not that there is no right or wrong things to say. I feel like I'm saying many wrong things because a lot of this is not so much feeling but some experiences I went through in college. I can't write about my feelings for 20 minutes because it's hard to know what I'm feeling and even harder to write about it.
Today I woke up to the sun sinning in to the room and it gave me much joy. the warm sun rays lighting up the room starts a day off very nicely. sweetie now that made me feel all warm and fussy in side. I just had to sit back and take it in for a few moments before closing the chat window. she called me sweetie, Wow! I hope she knows that made me feel special. I hope I make her feel special. because she is special to me. JoAnna what a unique name. It is a lovely name. one with two capital letters. laptops, this is so cool I am typing on a laptop, I wish I could have my own. maybe I could save some money some how. I wonder if my mom will give me some for it. hmmm. must likely not. my sis is doing better. she needs to eat more healthy. this summer was a great summer. God really blessed me. I worked a lot help on the house met one great family and to great friends in it. I got all the classes I wanted to switch in to these fall. so awesome. God is awesome. I am so bless through his love. I pray I make the most of it and continue be focused. I have so much time and yet I always want things faster. I seem to want it now. but time and patients will help me through. Sweetie wow I just can't get over it. I am so lucky to have some like that in my life. just to look at her brings me joy. and those eyes. I love getting lost in those eyes. what if I didn't say anything? will she turn away? will she be embarrassed? I hope not. does she feel the same way? If she does is this the one? or maybe it is another I have not met. I wish I knew. I have to be patient. all good things come in time. I wonder if she knows that I wonder what she is doing sometimes. does she do the same? when can I see her again. when is too soon to talk to her. what is to much? who knows! her smile is so beautiful. no wonder I am so at tracked to her. the smile is the first things I notice in a girl. and my mom likes her too, what are the odds. something must be right. maybe I thinking too far ahead. all I now is I like it. I like JoAnna and she likes me. That is what I know. I know I want to see more of her but that will have to go slow because school is why I am here in Austin. maybe over Christmas we can see more of each other.
Although, I constantly advocate to my friends that one should make the best of everything, I failed to do so. Recently, I have noticed a drastic change in my life. Prior to the major transition of my life (college), I used to constantly worry. worry. worry. Although I still worry, I have learned to view life from another perspective. Each and every minute I must be productive, but no longer is my school work the only "productive" thing in my life. I realized that simply chatting with some friends or relaxing can result into a more elaborate learning experience then simply books. For instance, I was watching a movie last night (something I rarely do because I feel I am not being productive) that enhanced my knowledge of the world around me. Very few movies make me think long after I finished watching the movie, but this one did. The overall design and structure of the movie was not to great, but the plot behind the movie sparked some circuits and made me question particular aspects of life. All in all, I am trying to stress that I am still learning regardless of what I do. This certain attitude towards life has allowed me to be open-minded and not as stressed out as usual. Today, I have several things to do. My priority list is very long, but I am limited with time. It seems the more I think about how much I have to do, the less time I have to do it. I have two tests next week. Chemistry and Calculus, respectively. My weekend is going to be centered around studying for those two tests. Hopefully, my mind will allow me to concentrate on those two tests and only those two tests. Austin, or rather UT, is a very convenient campus. Opposed to my hometown, UT allows me to travel many places on foot or even by bus. This form of transportation is very tempting!  I just bought a laptop which I am very excited about. I felt rushed when I bought it, but it is too late now. I still have to buy a PC card for it so I can access the internet from my dorm. I want to designate a weekend to upgrading and buying software for my computer, but I have so many things on my mind. By the time I get around to doing so, a whole new line of computers will be on the market!!!  My life is busy, hectic, stressful, etc. But, I enjoy it!  I am confused on what organizations I should join here at UT. I am used to being a part of and active in nearly everything I am offered. Here at UT, I am unaware of everything they have to offer and therefore, not a participant in everything I want to join. I hope that I will gradually reach the peak I was at in high school. I am sure I will. I was  unaware of my surroundings a minute ago and this man was asking me a question. whoops. I believe I have reached my goal now, after reading the assignment nearly 20 times.
Not only was the server down but it has taken several minutes to upload, even when I am connected at 32000 bps. I'm also seemingly tired because I just got back from water polo practice and we did a lot of swimming today. I feel a sense of responsibility doing this assignment and the others so I can get  back to reading the text and doing other subjects. At this point I'm winding down the day to get ready for bed and this is the time to release all the stress and aches  and to clear my thoughts. The only thoughts the come to my mind are what I will put in this assignment after each word. I do feel a little amused because I am also having a conversation over the internet with a friend in Houston, so I am not totally out of it yet. I also have to arrange my classes for the next day so I can be prepared with my bag and books I guess. I also need to set my clock and get ready to wash up and finish this letter. But I guess this is all the time I have and I will be ending this right now   :-)
Well I was a little worried about using the Internet because I have never used before. I have used e-mail last year a little but for the most part this is a whole new experience to me. Today has been a good day I really enjoy my Monday and Wednesday class schedule. Except for the fact that I do have to get up at 7:30, but that is actually a good thing because my day is done at 10:00am and I have the rest of the day to do primarily whatever I want. I'm a little worried about the amount of stress that college has been. It is entirely not that bad because I do tend to be a organized person and good with managing my time. Although I do have to admit the reason why it has probably been so hard to get back on track this year is because my Senior year in high-school I got that little thing called "senioritis". I was hoping to be able to do this assignment from my computer in my dorm room, but the communications company has had a hard time getting my Ethernet Link set up. This is kind of nice though coming to the Undergraduate Library and getting acquainted with their systems. I have not decided what I am going to do this weekend, because it is one of my really good high-school friends birthday and she is going to school at A&M University. So therefore a lot of my friends are going to go down to College Station and surprise her. I really want to go but I want to stay here and go to the football game that is if I get a date. Which as of now I don't have one, but I am in a sorority here on campus and we have a mixer tonight with a fraternity so maybe I will get lucky and someone will ask me. Anyhow though these little events such as a mixer kind of make me uncomfortable because my boyfriend goes to school at Louisiana State University and it's strange trying to interact with other guys. Well I think I completely said that wrong it is not hard at all to interact with the opposite sex, but we decided mutually that we needed to try and date other people and not stay completely focused on someone who is 8 hours away. Anyhow this is really strange this assignment because I keep getting this urge to go back and re-word what I have just said. I do realize the point of the assignment and that is not what matters. I am really hoping that I have a great first semester at college. I am already enjoying it tremendously but I am a little nervous about the academics. My father will not allow me to bring my car up here until "my grades have proven worthy" as he says. I thought that was going to be a big deal but everywhere you go is within walking distance so it truly doesn't matter. Well I just glanced at my watch and it has been 23 minutes so I will be going back to my room now.
Right now at this moment, I am thinking about what I am doing here. This whole college thing is still new to me. My roommate is getting drunk right now with some guys, while I am in here writing this. At least she is meeting people. I wish I could go back in time, and be in high school again. I know that probably sounds stupid and immature,but I had a lot more fun in high school. I had friends all around me, I was popular, I was really close to the cutest guys in our school. Now, I do not know anyone. I am used to going out like everyday, so it is really weird to be actually doing my homework. You know what I really miss?  This guy back in Arlington named Luke. He was a complete ***hole, but I was and still am infatuated with him. I guess it is infatuation. I would like to think I love him, but I know that logically it is not possible for me to love him. He was my first you know. I am one of those Catholic girls, and I never thought I would lose it to some stupid high school boy. But, it happened. I wish that it would have happened, and I would not have had any feelings for him, but I do. He has a girlfriend who is younger than we are, and I am insanely jealous. Why could he establish a relationship with her, and not me. And why is it that he cheats on her with me?  These questions boggle my mind and make me upset. I know I deserve better. I am one of those Catholic, upperclass, spoiled girls. I have everything but what I want. Luke goes to Pepperdine University and is far away, but no one here has even caught my eye. I thought once I went to school, my life would just be incredibly better. Well, it really has not. College is not what I thought it would be. I know it is only like the middle of the third week, so I need to give it time. Freedom is great, though. I like not having to check in with the paternals. What is the great thing about that if I never use that priveledge. I am also thinking about how my psychology class is during a bad time. I mean class is at 3:30 and that is about the time I want to go to my dorm and sleep or just relax. I wish I could change my time, but it is too late now. Oh well. Also, I think that Burdine Hall is the hardest building to get to. I missed class today, because I could not find it. I hope we did not do anything important. I hate Chemistry!  Dr. White goes too fast and does not make sense. I don't know if I can survive that class. It is going to be tough. I am used to sleeping in all my classes, never doing homework, and just getting by. That was high school, this is college. How I miss those good old days. I really do not think I am ready for college. Everybody here is just so smart. I really miss having people who are dumber than I am in classes. Now it seems I am the dummy. The next time I do this, hopefully I will be in a better mood. My twenty minutes are almost up, and I have ran out of things to say. I hope this was interesting and different from all the other assignments that you have recieved. Bye for now.
In Phl 304 we've been talking about Kant and Deintology, which leads me to a question:why am a writing this; is schoolwork a hypothetical or categorical imparitive? Do I really care what the about the answer to that question? No. I'm just picking my brain. Frustration is undoubtedly a major hinderance to my well being. Why didn't the tab button work when I pressed it? Heplessness is abundant in my brain when it comes to computers. Thinking of the word helpless reminds me of that CSN&Y song. They're such a great group- but not as great as Buffalo Springfield- their predecessor. Whatever. That's the word that runs through my head most often these days. I really wonder whether it matters what I write in this assignment. Who in this beauracracy of a University is actually going to read this? I doubt much if it would matter if I just wrote something like "I enjoy carrots" over and over again. Whatever. There's that word again. Every time that you ask for more, its the sound that makes the colors go blind, and everything comes in three's, but your face shows 2-lost in a watershed-way out of tune. Got that? I doubt it, in fact I doubt you made it this far. Lack of patience most likely. Patience is a very admirable quality. I wish I had more of it. In fact, ever since I arrived here my patience has been raped, but I'll get more into that in writing assignment #2. believe it or not, its been 20 minutes, and though this "stream of consciousness" seems to be more about this assignment than anything else, I am just articulating what is on my mind. I guess that doesn't really matter if this isn't being graded. Since I know no one will read this I may as well confess that my dog, Skeezy and my friend Chico spend most nights defecating on all the wombats in the toilet, but that doesn't really bother me. What bothers me is that Chico also likes to slap a alligators to death with a certain part of his anatomy. This really seems to impress Iranian supermodels. Go figure.
Right now I have a serious feeling of relief. It is the night after my first day of college, and it feels nice to be home. My legs are tired. I miss my dog and my boyfriend. I wonder what he is doing right now. I hope I am doing this right. I guess there is no right or wrong when it comes to my thought process. I guess it just happens the way it wants to. I hope that I can get back into the whole school "flow" again. I hope that I can get into it enough that I can get into the business school. I can feel you laughing at me already. Everyone seems to think that I can't do it. I know I can. I will. My mind is blank. I am so worn out. I haven't walked so much in one day than I did this afternoon. I hope I am not sore tomorrow. I need to find out where I need to go in the morning. What time do I have to wake up? My class is at nine thirty. Great! Why hasn't my boyfriend called me? He was supposed to an hour ago. Wonderful! Oh, I have to call my mom. I wrote a check today that I have to tell her about. How much was that thing? That reminds me. I have to set up Telesys tomorrow. Just one more thing to add stress to my day. I should work on my typing. What is that noise? I need to take a shower. Maybe I will wait until morning. I should call all my friends back home to give them my new house number. I wonder how college life is going for them. UT started late this year. Thank God! I don't feel rested, still. What time is it? Five minutes to go. I feel like my mind is blank. Whenever I try to "hear" what I am thinking, the only thing I end up thinking about is trying to think. That made absolutely no sense. I'm hungry. I really need to be more open. I've gone all day without meeting anyone new. I need to work on that. Oh, time's up.
As the past couple of weeks have flown by, I have been stressed about my work load. Like probably most college students I have the urge to wait for the last minute before starting any assignments. So far and usually I am always able to get my work done on time, however if I would only start the assignments a little earlier I would not have as much stress as I do now. Also after recently reading the first chapter of my psychology book I am wondering if the cause of my illness is to due to excessive stress. On Tuesday I started to have a runny nose which later progressed into a sore throat. I usually do not fall victim to illness very easily so I am almost sure that stress is playing a large part in it. At my house in Irving I had gotten use to having my friends and family all within a five minute drive. Now that I have moved to Austin and been separated from home for an extended period of time, I occasionally find it hard to balance my time. With the options of sleep, tv, eating, homework, video games, or just hanging out with my friends, it is hard to make a decision on both what I want to do and what I need to do. On the up side of things I feel like I am slowly becoming accustomed to my new life here in Austin. I have started to develop a study pattern and my urge and will to do work on time and efficiently has increased. Over the fall and spring semester my ultimate goal is to have a high enough grade point average to transfer into the business school. If that transfer is successful it will only give me more motivation to try harder and be a better student. That is certainly the goal of me being a college student to begin with. I am looking forward to continuing my hard work and hope to enjoy the benefits at the end of the year.
I don't understand how the man with the questions can be the smarter of the two. The man with the answers has to be the smarter. All the man with the questions know's that he know's what he doesn't know and wants to. But the man with the answers know's. Whatever he want to know he knows because that's how the question goes. There's no way for the man with the questions to more than the man with all the answers. One, the answer guy's going to know the answer. And people are always going well does he know how to get the answer?? well of course he does. just ask him how he got that answer. and he'll answer that question. what I don't understand is how this teacher is going to believe and only think that she's right. the answer was completely easy to comprehend. I hate that teachers get so arrogant. just because they know more of the subject they think they're knowledge is invincible against all others. how can you teach others and let them learn if you're unwelling to learn yourself?? it's totally bull. makes no sense to me. always dreamed about being a super hero. guess it's somewhat ironic that my vietnamese name translates to mean hero. I don't know I guess I have some type of super-hero complex. always want to help others always want special powers. always wanted to win the girl. always a dream about this girl. never see a face and can never hear her talk. I can see her figure and I can see how graceful she is. she walks be side me in my dreams. always want to hold her hand but afriad that I'll wake up when I touch her. so I walk beside her and look at her. I know I'm going to meet this person. I  can sense it. Real into the "Crow" look the romantic dark super-hero adventure story. brings out the use of love. people always take love for granted and if not love the good fortune that they get to be with or have a relationship with others. wonder if I'm a hopeless romantic. i can see myself taking my date on a walk or just laying there with her and talking. I don't see the sex, not that I wouldn't,  or much else. the tai kwon do club at this university is not very well trained. the main instructor may be a good fighter but his form sucks. to me form is the most important part of martial arts. adds gracefulness and at the experienced level makes movements faster stronger and completely balanced. it all comes from form. the traingle is speed balance and strength and not of that comes from bad form. or at least none of those three will continously exel without balance. most people don't see it that way. they think that compromising form for quick speed and strength is better. but they don't look in the long run. just like in chess the game is all about the long run. and with mastering balance, speed and strength will always become faster and stronger. then there are those that are lazy and don't even care for form and try to show off their katas with feet not lined up and hands out of place. with such bad alignment energy will not flow correctly . people get so arrogant and greedy. makes me sick
I've been here for about three weeks now and its starting to feel a little more like home. I was really scared when I first left, and I questioned myself if I was really ready for this big of a step. Once I got here there was no turning back. I would feel like a failure if I had worked my way to this point and then chickened out. Being away taught me a little about love too. I always knew I loved my parents but that was mainly because it was pretty much understood. Now that we are separated  I know how much they really mean to me. It almost feels like I have lost them and I am thinking about all those things I wish I had said then. I guess that is a good aspect about college because it teaches you to appreciate the things you don't have anymore. Overall I really like it here. I like being responsible for myself and it almost feels like Austin is my home and not my family's. They will have to come to my city to visit me. I really miss my girlfriend Mandi. She is at A&M but she hates it there. She came to visit me here and fell in love with Austin. she is now planning to transfer here as soon as possible. That makes the future look very bright to me. She was the one person who was always there for me in the past year. I really think she is my guardian angel. She came into my life at a point where I was about to be headed downhill. I helped her in a lot of ways too. I am glad that she doesn't like it at A&M but I would rather her be happy than anything. She has called me countless times this semester balling. It frustrates me because there is nothing I can do for her. I just can't wait until we are back together here in Austin. That will be paradise. I can see myself living here for the rest of my life. It has a little bit of everything. If you want beauty, head for the hills,  if you want history, head for the Capitol, and Guadalupe is Texas' little piece of California. I am going back home to Tyler in two weeks. I don't think the town will seem the same. It already seems like the place that I spent my childhood but could never go back to and live. I guess it seems that way because I already know I am staying here for the summers in order to take some summer classes. My parents treat me like an adult now. I had one of the best conversations yet with my dad the first week of school when I was having a hard time. He really treated me like a man and that meant a lot to me. When I go back I plan to really show more respect than I used to. I'm starting to realize that my parents are not going to be around forever. I want to make them proud.