the weekend was nice. an old family friend came up to visit. I've known him since 3rd grade I think? something like that. bowling. Bumming around. Gaming. pool. Eating. Etc etc. Was fun. now back to class after a long weekend. ugh. These classes aren't very interesting. But that's ok. it's just basic sequence right now. once I start taking major sequence classes. I think it will become more interesting. these classes just seem like a hassle. I never liked writing assignments. Mostly because I've never been a strong writer. I'm not very skilled at thinking of what to write. words never seem to flow. I don't know. I really wonder what I'll do with my life. biomedical engineering sounds all fancy and stuff. But will it really provide me with a decent life in the future? I really don't know. it doesn't seem like there's much flexibility with this major. I do take cem, phys, bio courses and stuff. So it seems like my work covers over areas from different majors. I guess I'll have a wide variety of knowledge. But I won't be an expert in any of the areas. plus with competition from foreign sources. The future scares me even more. I guess I do get somewhat bitter when I think about how researchers may earn something like 40-50K a year. But then the MBA that hired them gets 100+ perhaps? that's just bs. I don't think it's very fair at all. But nothing's ever very fair. man. I really want a job. I have time I guess. But no transportation. and then not all the jobs I've looked through were at the right times. I applied for something at the LAN cave in jester. I hope I get that. then I need to start looking for scholarships. Internships. Summer research. Etc etc etc. oh yeah. I need to look for an apartment for next year. I really don't want to end up in the dorms again. as much as I like the fast internet. I really want a room of my own. And the freedom that comes with living in a place of your own. I guess it is pretty free in the dorms. But I can't blast the music when I want to. Or turn up the volumes for gaming. besides. Blanton isn't really the best dorm out there either. not having a sink in the room really sucks. it's not a big deal to walk to the bathroom. But for stuff like making ramen. A quick wash of the face. Or maybe just a drink of cool water. I have to make a trip. I guess I'm just lazy. But it's odd that some dorms have sinks in the room and others don't. only ten minutes have passed. Feels like a lot more than that. time passes slowly when you're not having much fun. I like seeing things animated. Or in motion. sitting and writing. Or reading. They're not that interesting. I do like reading about computer technology and astronomy and cars and stuff. But it's hard to make myself sit down and read a book like harry potter. I haven't done that in years. yeah. I don't think I've willingly read a fiction book since middle school. I remember those redwall and mossflower books. I guess they were the trend back in the day. I signed up for the 3rd coast gaming competition later this month. aiya. I'm a bit worried. playing at the arcades isn't like playing on a console. the controls feel different. plus. When I play at the arcades. I get beaten a lot. I guess it kind of hurts my confidence. But that's ok. I'll just see how I match up with the other people in the competition. besides. It's only $10. And I think it'll be fun to watch the l337 play. I could really go for a huge huge glass of orange juice right now. Maybe some pluckers wings too. I don't know. What should I write about. "anything at all". it's so vague. I like having a little more of an idea of what I'm doing. *shrug*. Oh well. don't use this as a cry for help huh. I don't really cry out for help. well. Not in very noticeable ways. keeping secrets hurts you huh. I guess I've probably shortened my life a lot then. aiya. Being Asian. That's my excuse. the guy isn't really supposed to show weakness. Heh. What a stupid way of thinking. But after 18 years. It's hard to break the habit. I wonder how people can be so carefree. I hope the year goes well. I really do. Too much tension everywhere. I really just want to break lose and forget all the responsibilities I have. But I don't think I can. it's just not something I'd do. I'm tired. I need to find something. Someone amazing. I don't want to just cruise through life.