ahs10/essays-big5 huggingface dataset:
I wonder if my parents are coming to visit me this weekend because I need a lot of things. In fact I need a lot of things. I hope this creating stuff really works. O yeah, that math 408c class seems really intimidating. I wonder if I can really get through because I was struggling through the review session today. Well, at least  tomorrow is friday. thank god. I need a major break. it is funny because I really and honestly want to achieve so much yet I feel so far behind from where I think I need to be. I'm just falling falling far behind. I must get back into shape and into the jist of things. I seriously need a massage. My legs are killing me. I must have walked ten thousand miles today. only 4 months left to go. great. that pennebaker professor seemed pretty cool. I don't think I want to drop that class because it is so hard to get into but it also seems like it will be interesting. I have never taken a psychology course. ba101 can wait. I wonder how all my friends are doing back home. do they miss me?  probably not. I have been here for a week almost. I have met some new people but not as many as I should have. too bad. well, we still have a long time. I think I should join some clubs but I don't know where. hmmmm. this song sucks. I can't wait until friday. I miss everyone I knew. it sounds strange but I really miss them. I need to work out some more. I feel so tired. but I am really surprised I am not  homesick. though I do miss the food. I can live like this. it seems pretty fun even though I don't have a car. I think my dad and my brother went bowling. I feel so sleepy. I miss playing the piano and the guitar. I came here to escape a lot of things but it seems that the distance has brought me closer to what I wanted to get away from. lucky for me there are a lot of distractions because sometimes I find myself thinking about somebody more than I should. I don't deserve this. why does this sound so depressing?  let's t hink happy thoughts. that girl van that I met today seemed pretty cool. really very outgoing and even waited for me after class. that's pretty cool. I am glad I have dan as a roommate. his sense of humor is always there. I feel like playing basketball but I need to catch up with schoolwork already. the sad things is that it is the second day only. I can't believe I have the same 2 classes with tyson, some guy I met at camp. what are the chances of that?  and Lira my second cousin was in my economics class. so is angela johnson from my old high school. but the professor. well  nevermind. so many memories. time to make some new ones. should I call my parents tonight. yea I t hink I will. dang I still have to do that calculus homework. I hope it is not that long. I need to do a lot of reading too. for mis 310 so I can get caught up. well the good thing is that my day is over at lunch time. yay!!!  but dan is going back to houston and leaving me all alone. so many th ings to do so little time. but I love the ut experience. I really do. hookem horns.
it is 7:30 right now and I have to write for 20 minutes. my roommate is going to come in here and read this and make fun of me. she said she would be home at 7;30 I bet it will be a lot later. damn, I'm really bad at typing, iwish I did't have to look at the keyboard while I did this. I wonder who will be reading this thing. I would really like to read someone elses. I hope after this I can get back on that pretesting thing because it sure as hell wasn't working for me earlier. what if I can never get back on it. I'll probably fail this class. man, I just got a call from someone at atm. I could see it on the caller id. shit, that means I'm going to have to calle them back and pay for the long distance. I couldn't answer it and let it skrew up my thinking process. ireally wonder who is going to read this. I wonder how much more time I have. I don't want to look at the clock that will make it seem worse. I wonder what my parents are doing. I bet they're pretty bored. I really suck at typing maybe I should take keyboarding class or something, am I going to run out of room here? it looks like it, oh no ican keep going. I feel like doing something fun. I wish bryce would stop calling so damn much. watch him get on line and be able to read this. iwonder if thatsa possible. I bet you have to know my social security number or some thing. but the university knows it. I wonder if the computer is like timing me or something. my mom would be really proud of me for doing this she doesn't think I know what I'm doing when it come to computers. my roommated will also be impressed when she come home from whereever she is. I bet this would be a lot harder to do in that class room with 400 people. iwould probably start writing about the people around us. by the time I finish a sentence I've already thought about 10,000 other things. I wonder if other peoples are going to be like this. they are probably going to talk about something worthwhile. I used to think it was worthwild. I hear voices outside my window I wonder if they can see me. they're probably saying that girl looks at th e keyboard when she type instead of the screen. wow time is going by really fast, I only have like 4 more minutes. I wonder what will be done with this and if I will ever see it again. where the hell is lindsay? I think I'm starting to get a crick in my neck. I have 2 more minutes. computers are pretty fun I wish I didn't have such early classes. I keep thinking some one is going to knock on my door. geez my suitemate is really weird. I wonder what she does. damn almost all my thoughts from 20 minutes recorded. that is pretty cool. shoul;d I read over it?
wow i am so tired i really just wish that i could go to sleep. why do they put a philosophy class in the law building i will never know. i can't believe that i just walk for 25 min just to get back to my dorm. i wonder what there is to eat tonight. i hope it is good. the last couple nights the food has been pretty  good. man i really have alot of homework tonight i hope the fraternity doesnt keep me late tonight. it is such a pain to have to walk all the way to the house just for a meeting. wow i am really thirsty. i really want a glass of water. i wonder what everyone is doing right ow. i bet they are still in class. when is that girl going to get down here so we can study for math. i need to go get a map of the bus routs. or a map of where i can park so i don't have to walk anymore. oh man its only been 5 min. i wonder who im going to ask to go to the OU Texas game. i wonder if i will even get tickets to this game. my band isnt very good, i better go try and find someone that has a better band. oh yeah i have to go buy my tops pictures that i took. i need to go get a hair cut. i wonder what i will look like when i can't cut my hair or shave for 6 weeks i bet i will look really funny. man my palm really hurts i wonder what i did to it. maybe it was when i was doing gymnastics tricks for people. i wonder if ut has a gymnastics team or what intails being a cheerleader. i really liked it at that last game when they did all the flips. i really hope that ut wins the national championship this year. that would be so cool to win in swimming and football and baseball all in the same year. i wonder if any other school has done that before. aww im so glad that i am done with classes today i don't know if i would be able to make it if i still had to go out and sit in another class. hey my roomate just brought me mail. wow a letter from my parents how exciting. my roomate keeps talking he doesnt realize i don't care. hahahaha he is talking about his macintosh. and his knew program. wow he has a really low band for the ou game. maybe he can get me a ticket. he is telling me a story about our pledge trainer and how he made a stupid comment. it was actually a good story im surprized. wow i think alot. i wonder when it is going to start to get cold. i don't know if i can take this heat any longer. i really want to go watch the simpsons. wow what a great show. my roomate still is talkign about his computer. i still don't care. my roomate i have decided does not stop talking. wow im almost done this wasnt as bad as i thought it was going to be. i think that stream of conciousness is really ran
blue is a pretty color. this is a very simple website. i need to work on my website. i need to finish it. i never finish a wesite when i start it. why can't i finish anything?  am i a failure?  my parents are really proud of me. i love my parents. i don't want to let them down. i miss them. i want to go home. i don't like being away from them. september 11th really scares me. i was so worried on that day. i can totally remember where i was that day. i was in weinberg's class. i remember how he reacted that day. i went to history to get a sense of comfort. i didn't find it. i don't want to go to war. war scares me. why am i always so tired. 20 minutes is a long time. i'm very glad i've already finished my experiment requirement for class. those surveys were really boring. i wonder how i'm doing compared to other students in my class. i want to read my email. i need to do my astrophysics homework. i'm bothered by my lack of self-control in doing my homework. my finger hurts. i'm really sick right now. i think i may have the flu. i wonder why my head hurts so much. i really want to read my email. why does my neck hurt?  i want to take a nap. i wonder how much i should type. is this enough?  my arm is hurting now. i want some snacks. i need to quit eating so much. i need to lose weight. i miss my granny. why did jo have to scare her?  she knew how much it would upset her. why did she have to cause her to die???  i want granny back. i really miss her. i made a fool of myself at the funeral. why can't i deal with this and quit obsession over it?  was she proud of me?  did i make her proud?  i loved her so much. my fingernails are dirty. i need to take a shower. i'm almost halfway done. i know so much yet i don't know a thing. why is the smithsonian preserving pieces of the world trade center?  shouldn't we leave it alone?  i love kara. i can't wait until i get to wake up with her everyday. she makes me so happy. i hope i make her as happy as she makes me. i just couldn't handle it if she didn't love me. time is slowing down. i want to call kara. i want to see how she is doing on her writing assignment. i think human beings are extraordinary. how can we deal with so much?  we deal with physical adversity as well as mental. my fingernail looks weird. it's been a nice day. my skin is peeling. i want to play racquetball. wow, it's already 525. weird. it seems like i've been here for an hour. i want to be more physically fit. i want to please myself and kara more. i want to be around for a long life. i'm tired of being fat. i want to help myself. i just hope i can. i want to daydream. i want to be in star trek. i want to have those kinds of computers and technology. i want to be a great commander. i want people to be liked by many. i want people to want to be me. i want to be someone that is liked and respected. i'm very insecure and have low self-esteem. why do some chemicals hurt people?  i mean why can't we find some way to neutralize them?  i'm done!
I am tired now. I don't know what I should talk about. I like this assignment. Wonder when it's due? Kristi Urey is the most beautiful person I know. I love you. I mean I love her with all of my heart, mind, body, and soul. I like psychology in high school. It was very interesting and personal. That draws people in or so I think. Psychology is the food of the sea. My roommate's a weirdo. He wears a hat to watch Conan O'Brien. My other roommate got his computer from Dell today. I like Kristi. I may not be a smart man, but I know what love is. Someone's going to be sorry, like all you witches and all you slime and all you whitewigged pinheads who make screwing a big crime. You twistedup my life and spit on all my dreams and made me hate myself. Now come on shoot me set me free. I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts standing in a row. I don't like boy bands. I love food. I love my computer. I love the Internet. I have had a computer for four years+. I view myself as an expert in computer engineering. I don't think I can think anymore. My brain's broken. I'm bleeding internally. I'm a nervous wreck. I deserve respect. I'm walking a tight rope without a circus net. I was invited to my first frat party tonight, which I didn't attend. I don't think my girlfriend/fiancee would have liked me to go to that so I didn't go. Cased closed. Time's up!
Right now I am thinking that college is pretty tough. I am constantly questioning my ability to do well in college. I want to make my parents proud yet I also want have a good time. I like to party a lot a little too much probaly. I just want to know how much partying is too much. I like to do what makes me feel good and school work does not make me feel good. In fact it stresses me out severely. I wish the world was a little simplier. I wonder if the way our soceighty is good or not. Successful human beings work their asses off to achieve a good living. Is that the way god wanted it or should we live a relaxed life with lots of fun. For me that would be partying spending time on the lake and going hunting and fishing. Is good for humans to work hard and stress there entire life. Maybe stress is the cause of fatal disease like cancer. It seems the more we evolve the more we work and stress things maybe this is leading us into different illnesses. I don't know I don't think one man does know. We could be completly on the wrong track or we could be evolving better than what anybody thought we could. I want finish school and be a successful human being but I would like to know if this is the right thing to be doing. All the human race would say definatly yes but what if we should be living amore relaxed less stressful and more fun life. Doing what makes each person feels good could be the answer. Life just seems funny because people are not robots they could do whatever they want but we choose to go to college and try to be successful. Maybe people just go through all the trouble to make money someday but if you think about it money is created by humans and if every wanted it they could just give it to everyone. All of this might not seem logical but I am human and these are some of the thoughts that go through my head. I going to listen to myself to and not be something I'm not. I want to succeed and make everyone proud but also I am going to have a lot of fun!!
well, here I am in my computer lab in kinsolving. I just finished emailing my  boyfriend. I really hate writing him sometimes because he never responds as much as I do. then again he is in Houston and still in high school and probably doesn't have as much to say as I do. oh well that's life. god why the hell did I wait  until the last minute to write this. I should have done this last week. well, then again I did. but the stupid computer didn't send it. so now I have to retype  all that crap again. life sucks! well, it is not that bad, but to me it is. I really  wanted to go home this weekend. my cousins re so stupid for not going. what the hell!! now I have to depend on someone else or I have go to their house this weekend. the last thing I want to do I spend a night there with that stupid sima. damn does that girl have a mouth or what. I can't believe that she made all that stuff up about mayur and me. I hope paras doesn't get mad about me emailing about that. god, he believes everything that I tell him. I know that he is wooped in a way. just because he doesn't drive around everywhere for me doesn't mean that he loves  me any less. or just because I drive to his house a lot, doesn't mean that I  control the relationship. well actually I know that it probably would not have  lasted this 9 months if had not driven up there 28 times. do you know how many miles that is? take 28 times 60 miles each trip. that is a lot of mileage that I put on all the cars. I hope he appreciates everything I do for him. actually, I know that  he does. he is the most perfect person in the world. he has never caused any grief in my life. if anything has gone wrong it is because of his stupid parents. why the hell won't they give him a break? I mean, what the hell is wrong with them? that boy deserves a car more than any other child. I hope to god that comes to UT next year. that would be the bomb!!! we would be like living together. but I hope we  don't break up like all the other couples that come here and do. they have it made,  don't they realize that!! I guess being around a person all the time can be a  little too much. but that's the thing, I don't think that I could ever get tired of seeing paras. I haven't gotten tired after this long what would change  my mind now. oh well, well see when the time comes. I hope we're still together then. I really don't know what would give either of us a reason to break up. I mean he adores the ground I walk on and I love him for that. just joking. I adore him just as much if not more. I mean, that's why my room is like a shrine to him. anyway, my time is almost up and I have to go get ready for neesh's b-day party thing. what the hell do I wear? I guess Ill decide in a minute.
dude california awesome fun friends road trip blast surfing ludacris rap music phat beat pumped smooth soulful prayers blessing God religion Jesus baptist Austin Stone Chris Tomlin worship Houston Astros game baseball rocks Giants rule champs should have won in 2002 john lackey sucks felix rodriguez blew it oh well they have a chance again this year. heck better than a chance. phone ringing. distractions. old friends corpus christi arlington dallas ut arlington ut dallas liberal arts undeclared journalism college of communication ut austin major degree football arkansas burnt orange sweetness good stuff #5 in the country should be higher journalists messed up tomorrow is 9/11 I can't believe that happened two years ago. I'm surprised there isn't more hype about it. who knows what could happen?  how awesome would it be if we caught osama bin laden on the anniversary of 9/11. bush is going to be reelected whether he should be or not. oh well. democrats and republicans. republicans and democrats. I think I am somewhere in between. psychology. interesting stuff. tough class though. I hope I learn a lot. anyway my minutes are almost up so I think I am about to go oh well bye everyone
I really like the song that was on MTV just now. Simple Plan is a cool band. I wonder what my friends are doing later for supper. I don't feel like going to class at 6. I just want to sleep. I wish my boyfriend and I would stop getting into arguments. It really sucks when we fight, I hate it!  I'm kind of hungry. Where is my roommate?  It seems like she is never here. Oh well, more private time for me. I miss my mom. I have so much to read for my classes. Chapters and chapters and chapters!  Looks like I have my work cut out for me for a long time. My Spanish class seems really easy, I hope it gets harder, so I feel more challenged. I wonder when I should go talk to an advisor about my major. Should I change it, not change it, minor, or double major. why is everything so difficult?  All questions and decisions in life should be yes/no or multiple choice!  That would be so wonderful. Celebrities are so gorgeous, they suck. Although, they are pretty cool people. I guess, I don't really know them. I have an itch on my leg. I hope I don't get sick, that would be horrible. I can't wait for the game on Saturday. It's going to be so much fun. Rap music gets on my nerves. I need to finish taking pictures on my camera so I can get them film developed. Why is so cold in here. I turn the air warmer, and it gets too hot, then I turn it cooler, and it gets too cold!  That sound is annoying, I wonder if the AC is supposed to make that noise. This room needs to be vacuumed. It's gross. My mom sent me a letter. Yay!  I'm excited, but I can't open it until I'm done writing this assignment!  I need to turn my closet light off. I'm thirsty. I feel like drinking a Dr. Pepper. That sounds so yummy!  I think I might eat a pickle when I'm done too. That sounds like a plan. I'm almost done with this thing. Mom uses ugly stamps. Oh well, I have cute ones.
as I sit here to begin writing, I was stood up for a date this weekend. I know this happens all the time, but still it hurt. and I don't know why. I mean its not like I need love and attention all that much. okay, so maybe I do. but is that so bad. but it seems that everytime I find someone who does love me I find a way to push them away. I don't know. maybe I'm not meant to be happy. I really do hate being so dependant. and I don't know why I am. maybe its genetic. maybe not. maybe I'm just becoming one of those messed up people I never wanted to become. who knows. usually when I write stream of consiousness it turns very melodic and down trodden. I guess this keyboard messing up might be helping things. I don't know. I'm not really tired, but I have so much to do. and I do want to get some sleep. maybe getting dumped on some is good for me, maybe it will wake me up. maybe I am dreaming too much. maybe none of this is real, and I'm jus+t fooling myself. who knows, I surely don't. but its kinda bad being so dependant, especially when you don't attract girls by the dozen. but I can not help it, its who I am. a hopeless romantic, lost in a non romantic world. oh, for the days of the cowboys. when men were men. or medevil times, with knights, and damsels. and fuedal kingdoms. and the plauge. ring around the rosey. ugh. I hated that game as a child. but now I think its kinda fun. I dunno, I jus+t want someone to share with, to be with. maybe thats too much to ask out of every girl's best friend. sigh. I really don't want to go to work tommorrow. I mean I do okay, at it. but I'm just not annoying enough to be really good at it. plus I guess there's no incentive. I don't know if I want to go back to dallas on the first. I'm not sure if I want to go back period. don't get me wrong. I mean I miss some of the people. but I want to get past Mesquite. to move on with my life. I guess I have a lot of trouble moving on. but somtimes people jus+t make it too hard. this is a very pretty song. I may ask Mandy out. as a matter of fact, I think I will. but is it wrong??  I don't know. I'm not s+ure if I'm qualified to say. I'm not sure who is. I've done so many things that I said id never do. oh man. am I messed up??  isn't that somthing we are always asking ourselves though???  or at least it seems I am. I mean I have never loved anyone the w4ay I loved Kara, since Kara, if that makes any sense. I'm just so utterly confused at the moment. I don't know. plus I have too much to do to be w4orrying about all this. life should be so easy right now. I should be having a ball. but I'm not. and I hate it.