Right now I am thinking about the convocation I have in about 45 minutes. But I'll definitely need to leave in around thirty. that boy Michael was really cute. really cute. he is the first nice looking Mexican that I have seen yet. Ok maybe there were a few others but he lives on my floor and he introduced himself. that's one of the things I don't like about this school. no one introduces themselves to each other. it's like everyone only cares about their own lives and won't be bothered by anyone else's. but you know what. I think everyone else wants to meet people too, at least the majority but they just don't know how to go about doing it so they act like they don't care and disinterested or they act like they are much too busy and much too good for anyone else. it's very sad I think. at the beginning everyone is all excited, expecting other people to be really nice and friendly and then they meet the first bitchy person. Now they realize how things work around here and in an effort not to get thwarted and rejected by another person, they too take on the same attitude and on goes the downward spiral. just because we all fear a little bit of rejection. Sad really. that was my friend matt from economics class. He's not really my friend but I sit next to him in class. he seems nice enough and he is going to let me borrow his econ book since mine has not come in the mail yet. I'm going to be so behind in economics. I tell you. I really like that class though. so anyways. I know how this goes because I thought everyone would be nice and friendly but I was met with blank stares when I smiled at anyone anywhere on campus with the exception of a few. A very few. whatever. I am still going to smile and I am still going to introduce myself and be nice because otherwise I will be miserable and unapproachable like those people. ugh. I just put "so anyways" instead of "so anyway" I think that sounds as dumb as "laters" when one really means "later". that is really very jr. high. I miss those days. I wonder how Cindy is doing. ugh. I really don't want to go to the convocation because everyone is just going to be with their own little group and I will be an outcast once again. I'm pretty and nice and outgoing and popular and smart. Damn that sounds really conceited. Maybe I'm a little of that too. I considered erasing a couple of those adjectives but I think that's pretty dumb considering I really do think those things about myself. it's not socially acceptable to think good things about yourself. It's much more appealing to not know any of the good things about oneself. I confess that I too am attracted to ignorance of ones own worth and humility and modesty. But if you know it about yourself I think it is worse to act like you are modest and humble than to just admit it. Within reason that is. so anyway. I am these things but I feel like people don't want to reach out and meet new people and therefore I get shafted. I know they will like me if they get to know me but it's that introducing part that is really limiting. kind of stops the whole getting to know you thing prematurely. I am so proud of myself lately. I am being such a good girl. Although my habit of exercising everyday at 5 has been rudely interrupted with today's events of the five o'clock dinner at Trudy's which was pointless to attempt because I missed it anyway. I should have just gone to work out anyway and not let meetings and such get in the way of my schedule esp. when they are unimportant. I'm really irritated by that. but back to the story. I have been developing such good habits. I make my bed everyday, I wash my face twice a day, I get all my assignments down early or at least I begin them really early. O shit. I just got a little flash of procrastination. That sneaky devil. NO GO AWAY!!!. I'm not going to be a procrastinator this year. I just don't have the time for that. I run every day . Mon-thurs. 2 miles a day. plus I see a few cute boys in the gym that's always nice. kind of a motivating factor. when I get back from the convocation I'm going to go run otherwise my whole system will be screwed up. Damn that dinner. UGH. What else do I do. O yea. I didn't even go out last weekend and I had no desire too. I haven't been drinking. I haven't been too flakey. With the exception of ross but that's quite not my fault most of the time. Anyway we are good terms at the present. I'm being a pretty good daughter. I finished my scholarship applications stuff. what to write about now. I want to write about something cool. No luck. I really want to join the p2 chamber music group but I hope that they allow flutes. Bad flutes in lol. I'm probably really bad by now. I wonder if there is practice rooms around. I need to find one anyway to practice the piano anyway. I thought it would be a lot easier to get guys here. I thought they'd be all confident and just come up to you. And then I would act all shy and innocent. It's just how I act. Natural reflex to wanted attention. Sometimes I think I'm so stupid. And then they would flatter me and ask me out. And I would act like I wasn't really sure. I little bit suspicious of their motives. (and rightly so I imagine) and then I would say ok and give them my number and things would be lovely. well I have to go to the convocation that will steal hours of my life away. see yaw. This has been a pleasant venting experience I tell you.