Why do they make us do this? Do they want to figure out what thought leads to the next? Like the autistic people where their thoughts lead them to the next, but only one leads to the next, perhaps a smell or feeling or emotion. I wonder what those people feel. I wonder if they are deprived of some of the things we are. I remember hearing that they can do brilliant things, compose symphonies and paint incredible things, but need help to button their shirt. Wasn't that movie starring Robin Williams who tried to no that wasn't it. I don't remember who starred in it. Maybe it was someone who looked like Robin Williams  didn't we watch that movie in eighth grade? The one about the people who didn't react to normal stimulants? The ones who tossed the ball around from one person to the next, but didn't engage in conversations? Engage that's a good word. My roommates and I were talking about funny words the other day. Pami thought that "fib" was a good word, and there was something else I said by the elevator. It might have been. enthralled, That was it! I remember now. I love great words. If I could have an extensive vocabulary, I think perhaps I would be taken more seriously. There was a cabdriver tonight that knew a lot of big words. I asked him to write one of my papers. What was he doing driving a cab? Can't he find some other occupation that suits him better. Maybe he likes to meet people. Perhaps he finds it interesting to encounter different personalities. Why can't he get a better job? There have to be much better things to do. But what about that movie American Beauty where Kevin Spacey quit his job and started to flip burgers that was a good movie. Maybe that's what made him happy. To do jobs that don't require a truck load of thought. But then again he found out that his wife was cheating on him. That really sucks. I would never do that kind of thing to my boyfriend. That's downright mean. What kind of girl would do that? There's no way in hell anyone would ever find me doing that and speaking of stupid things, what about suicide? Why do people do that, or rather why would they ever think about it. That is so selfish. If I ever found out my friends were thinking about it I'd beat them into the ground. What would make them think that there is nothing left in the world for them? Do they think no one loves them or cares for them? I just don't get it. What a stupid thing to think or consider. Some people have real problems. I had a conversation like this with my kickboxing instructor one time. It was after the cardio kickboxing class and I was talking with him. I don't know how we got on the subject, but he told me this story about one of the guys that used to go there a first degree black belt and he committed suicide. In fact, I knew the family. The mom actually helped me with this paper I was writing for my really tough English teacher. Little did I know that not only was my English teacher tough, he was brilliant. I have such a great respect for that man. Some day, when I make it big  and the word is "when" because it will happen  I'm going to send him a shit load of money for retirement. I have so many plans for when I get older. I'm going to start a scholarship in my name and all this other grand stuff that I can't think of right now. Oh look at that, the time is up. catch you later.