So this is my first writing assignent for college. I keep forgetting that I am actually in school, and not on vacation of some sort. I just got out of bad and am havign a lot of feelings right now, all about non-important things, like boys. I am mad I lost my earing last night, mad that i still have feelings for my ex-boyfriend in a way, and mad that I don't know what to do about people here. It is just a totally different experience then anything else and I wonder when I will get used to it. I think i also need to learn how to type better and use punctuation! IMs never need punctuation or capitilization. or even correct spelling. Roommate is still gone, staying with her boyfriend, and its ok because i like him better now. Before I thought he was boring adn not as nice as David, but he is quite goofy and is always nice to em, though soemtimes I get the feeling its because he feels that I am a dork who just goes wherever Jerry goes. People kept telling us that rooming together would be a problem, but so far we have only had issues once, right before school started when we were spending way too much time together, and that was not good. That one night she left to stay at Steven's and walked out saying, have fun, made me want to punch her, because obviously I was just going ot be hanging out in the room, alone. Now that I am meeting people on my own out of   the group  , its much easier to do things and feel like I have a life. I still need to meet more people in my hall, and in classes, but most of them are so big that just being there I feel like not really participating. Going to the lake on labor day was quite an adventure, and one I am glad I had without Jerry. and jumping off the cliff was one of the coolest things i have done in a while. It also made me glad that no other girls went off the 50 foot cliff. I like doing things that girls normally don't do in these group situations, like the firebreathing and the shotgunning a beer. . but having done it once, I don't need to do that again. but I stil almost beat that guy when we did it, hehe. I don't understand why people drink beer- it tastes horrible and I have heard that after about 2, you don't taste it anymore. . but that means you have to drink 2 of them and then you must be getting pretty mindless to keep drinking somthing you don't like in the first place. Then it seems more like somthing people do to be   cool  , or whatever else people think they need to do. I have seen less of that in college. people seem more laid back in general about all sorts of things, but then again, there are still sorority girl types out there. I can't get over my dislike of the idea of sororities, probably because I don't know many girls well who are in them. I have been mostly meeting the guys in Steven's fraternity, and they are all nice, and not all mindless drinkers (mostly c. s. majors or engineers) and I am gald that i got to meet them all. . but they are all older then me. I used to love to tell people how young I actually was because they were always shocked, saying things like,   oh, you don't look/ act   however old I was at the time. My birthday was just over 2 weeks ago, and that sort of blows my mind because of all the things that have happened so far. Its like every phase of my life is separate from everything else that has happened in my life. its hard to even think of middle school anymore, and even freshman year of high school seems like someone elses life. Its also hard to belive that everything with Jason just happened last month, that we broke up in August and now its just September, barely, but it still feels like forever since it happened. OH CRAP. the phone just rang and it was some one asking me to go to the co-op with her- yeah! no more looser-dom! But then somehow I hit somthing that made the site go away and now that I'm back ,the timer has started all over again. Well, I think I have about 10 more minutes. So, all I have accomplished today was sleeping until noon, which has to be my sleep limit, I NEVER used to do that. and now I guess I will go to the co-op to return a book and hang out with Yashoda, and then. I guess I have to get ready for my   date  , I guess thats what it is. I am not looking forward to it anymore after last night, I don't know were we are going or even if I want to go anymore. So yesterday Jerry was telling me about her comparitive values seminar, and how they had to come to class with somthing to share that they were   absolutely certain   about, somthing not-ohysical that they could prove. jerry said that   I am me  , and that seems certain enough to me. . but another girl said that she is a woman, and they just picked that apart in class because really, how can you be certain of that? I think the point of that class is to weird you out and show you that nothing is certain. . so as if you werent already clueless enough at this point in your life, now you have some class where they tell you nothing is for sure. Besides physical things, what makes me a woman? The way I act? Why do I act the way I do? Those questions could go on forever with no answer, but it really made me think about the whole gender thing. Possibly I am a gay man trapped in a woman's body? Oh, the lady in the cafeteria-place today called me   sir  . I can't believe that happened, she said she couldnt see me around the sign or sneeze guard or whatever was there in front of her but. she called me sir! Brings back not-good thoughts of Jordan thinking it was funny to call me   butch   and Dawn telling me that I am   just one of the guys  . yah, maybe some gender issues here. I am a woman! Even if its not totally certain according to all this deep philosophy stuff, I AM a woman, and I happen to like boys, and I am pretty sure I don't resemble a guy (even with my upper-body buff-ness from swim team) but it is still a sore topic for me. It doesnt help that I am tall. oh! another phone call. I think my time should be up but the timer is all off, so I will say that this is 20 minutes and that is that!