ahs10/essays-big5 huggingface dataset:
My heart is beating so fast. that's probably not good. I'm actually getting . I just sprayed. nervous about writing this. I keep messing up on the whole typing aspect, so I have to stop and go back to fix things. deep breath. this music is so pretty. I wish I had an amazing voice like Alice Ripley. I totally just got a shiver from the notes they were singing. ohhh, her voice just squeaked, but it add emotion. That's so amazing. I just pooped my back, that feels all strange. geez, my computer just did this whole weird Sticky Keys, what was that? You should have chosen . such an amazing song. That note he sings, it's gorgeous but he says it as EWWWW instead you. that irritates me. I  don't even now the words. If only he really loved it would. wow, that was amazing harmony. I hope that ticket stuff gets there. I want to be this part so bad, why aren't there any theaters auditioning for this musical. My jaw keeps popping. Why am I yawning so much? Nose, itch. That's so funny, Chris Noth totally looks like Sam the bald eagle from the Muppet Show. I guess I have to go help Kristin out tomorrow before. I don't feel good. class. That guy today was such an annoying, rude and evil little man. All condescending and all. I got to stop thinking about that otherwise I'll obsess over it, like I always do. I love that note. it's so high and she sings it so amazingly. I can't believe it's the same girl who sings the part of Ariel in the Little Mermaid. He doesn't love her, guys suck. I mean ya she was a Siamese twin, and you know, but I mean he loved her, but because he couldn't live knowing someone else was there he dumped her. I'm so cold. God, why do I keep yawning. I've only been doing this for twelve minutes. My hands are so cold. My nose keeps running. Ricola cough drops are so good. I need to clean up. Of course, I'm not the one shedding and leaving hair ever. on the floor, in the shower. it's so gross. He doesn't love you that's why he is hesitating. Ever time I listen to this, I still get emotional. It's so powerful, I don't know I just connect with them. I think it has something to do with the emotions that you can hear and almost feel through the singers voice and the music. Gosh, my eyes itches. or is it itches. hmmm. I don't know. Ewww, something total floated across the floor. could it be hair. I think so. I know it's definitely not mine. It's so gross. Why did Sarah come in here and ask if I was singing. She acted like I should be ashamed. I can never tell that harmony. I want to learn it so bad. These ant bites are really painful. They're all scabby. is that how you spell that. because I kept itching them. My stomach is all nervous like. it's because I'm all nervous about this assignment. and that stupid accountant jerk. I hate accountants. weird folk they are. I am totally finished with this assignment and I'm going to sing, and watch Much Ado About Nothing. yea!
I just got back from astronomy class, I have an exam on friday and am pretty nervous about it. I got to really sit down and study for it if I want to do well. I am still kind of sleepy right now since i went to bed kind of late yesterday reading some Philosophy so I could be prepared for today's lecture. I am really concerned with getting really good grades here at the University so I can go on and become a success in life. In the near future I want to become a well known attorney in my home town, Laredo, Texas. I was here at the University of Texas during the summer and I must say it is quite a difference between the summer and fall semester. I guess the amount of people here on Campus is the biggest difference, where it went from 10,000 to about 50,000 from the summer to the fall. I feel it served me well, coming here to the Unversity getting a head start and seeing how things work around here. I hope to continue my studies here and then go on to Law school somewhere, i don't really care where, as long as its in the state of Texas. Oh, my grandmother just called, she is the best grandma in the whole world, she would do absolutely anything for me because am her pride and joy. I really appreciate everything she has done for me, she has always been there for me, whether it be for school, sports, or any or social gatherings. I am really excited, she called right now to ask if I would want to go to New York or Las Vegas. I don't know when, but I sure am excited about the whole thing, I m going to have to sit down and think about it for awhile because they are both really superb places to spend your vacation. My parents as well have played a major role in forming my character and who I am today. If it were not for them, I would probably no be here at UT. They have also encouraged me to do the best that my abilities will take me. They went to all my basketball games throughout my highschool career, they were my biggest fans. I can't wait to see me parents when they come on October 26, my mom's birthday and parent's day. That is also the day of a home football game for UT, I am really looking forward to seeing them and my grandparents when they come to visit me. Umm, my friends and I just got a Sony Playstation 2 a couple of days ago, we are always playing it now, it is one of the coolest things on the planet right now. Today, i have to go to the gym and play some ball because I ve been slacking off a bit, I usually play every day or at least try to if I don't have too much homework. I m probably going to go later on tonight after  I study for astronomy. Right now, i m probably going to go get some breakfast downstairs, maybe some eggs, biscuits, and pancakes.
I already miss Greg. I had forgotten how much fun we had together. Talking in depth ahbout philosophy and relationships. We also enjoyed playing cards and James Bond. I npticed Mark has taken a liking to Bond and he always plays it while on my bed. I can't belive he was sick and lying in my bed. All this and the fact that he can't make a joke well make me want him to hook up with Emily. They were made for each other. He does have a sense of homur thought. Atleast he isn't to weird a roomate. I do feel bad that I haven't taken out the trash yet. OIther than that I think I have been a good roomate. I think I made him jealous when Sarah and I were kding around. I could feel him shutting himself off from us and dwelling on his own sorrow that I am still convinced is caused by the fact that Emily and him are apart. I hope my relationship will prosper. Some changes need to be made on my controlling attention and Sarah trying to do the same. I don't belive the problems lie much more deeper than that, Altough I am looking at it from that perspective as well. I think if we continue to become aware of our prior mistakes happiness will prevail. We do have a good future if we have a liittle more personal attention and inner thought. I miss her now but I am glad she is out so that I may do my work including what I am doing now. I wonder if we will be able to eat together and if so, where and when. If O haven't heard from herr by 7:00 than I'll have a sandwhich here while I watch Simpson/X-Files and the inbetween, whatever the station decides needs a boast in ratings. I think it is so rediculous how most people will have little or only practical things toi do but will turn on the TV and zone out as they flip mindlessly thropught the same channels they just saw. If people would check out the TV schedule than maybe they could plan when to watch certain shows and when to do other tasks like reading a book of interest. Speaking of books, I have but a thousand to read. The Hobbit, Lord of the rings, that Star-Wars book, that buddism one, the Tenth Insight, The experiential guides and the Celestine Vision. I also want to read the bible for my own study and not because it was being forced on me. I don't believe in the present idea of God but see him more as just energy of which everything is made. Perhaps the tales will have some metaphoric meaning within my life as it has my parents. I still doubt that I will pick Christianity as my system of metaphors. I may actually be able to construck my own relegion with no influence from otheer religions that have meaning or scientific marrit.
So it's time for me to start writing this assignment and I'm really tired. I've been studying all day and my brain just can't take it     I've decided that the brain must be like a muscle in that if you don't work it out regularly it gets out of shape. Right new my brains fat  fat. But that's OK. I've started running and through running I'm going to learn  more self discipline. It's really annoying the way the screen doesn't return automatically I wonder why the heck it doesn't do it. I guess it's some programming error  but surely it can't be hard to do. I've decided that running is just a conversation. One between your body and mind. Your body says ,"Hey I don't  feel very good can we please stop. " And your mind says "I know but we're almost there can you give a little more. Lately when I've been running I have been giving up before my body has too. This is further proof to me that my brain need conditioning. For the past year or 2 I have given up running for Aikido. I've decided to get back into running. Man this isn't very stream of consciousness. I wonder if anyone will ever read this. I seriously doubt it that's one big \ freaking class. But at least I know one pretty girl. Now that I think of it why the heck does this form ask for sex. I mean are they going to do some kind of statistical  analysis or something?  No way what could you do? count words? When I think of psy class I think mostly about the pretty girl I know in there. I'm helping her out with this computer stuff. I wonder if she has a boy friend. I wonder why I care. I sure don't need a girlfriend right now. This is the first  semester of my new life with my new major. Don't need no girly distractions. I about an hour I'm going to see a movie with my home crowd . /We're seeing swingers. I like it because it's a "nice guy" movie. with realistic camera shots. Wow it's already been twelve minutes. Over halfway there. Man I hope the research part of this course doesn't take up too much time. I think it out to be extra credit or something. Maybe they should defray the cost of the course or pay us or something I hate being a free guinea pig How the hell do you spell guinea. I 'm sick of paying fees toot this university. When I was at UNT I didn't have to pay sooo many hidden fees. They always lurking around the corner. Today was a pretty good day . Except for playing the stupid video game before starting this I have been very productive. I went to a habitat for humanity meeting. Maybe I'll start  doing that on Saturdays. I'm hesitant to commit though because this is my new and improved life. I hope my grades improve this semester or I'm just going to have to quit school or something. I'm kind of tired of school. I want to  get my hand on the real world and start making a difference. Its amazing how much Ive been using the letter a and how terrible a typing job I have been doing. ,  Its my roommates keyboard. Its extra sensitive or something. I wonder why I keep cutting off the middle of words whenever I hit return . You'd think it would bee natural for me to hit return whenever I finish a word My fingers are cold. This room is 60 degrees. Man I wish they'd turn up the air.
I am sitting here writing this on a Sunday afternoon. Tomorrow is my birthday. I will be 20 years old. I think I am going out to eat with my parents tomorrow night. It is sunny outside right now. I do not feel like sitting inside and working. I think this is cool how we can turn this assignment in over the web. I wish more assignments could be like this. In almost 6 and a half hours I will be 20. That sounds so weird to me right now. Last night I went to the Rage Against the Machine concert. It was pretty fun. I went with a bunch of friends. Sort of like an early birthday present. I am running out of things to write. I have a Spanish project to do after this. I still have Rage songs in my head from last night. There were so many people there last night. I heard that over 10,000 tickets were sold. It seemed like that many people were there. I am still tired from the show last night. I was disappointed that one of the opening acts for the show didn't make it. I wonder what I will get for my birthday. I already got a GoodFellas poster from one of my friends. GoodFellas is my favorite movie. I have the movie and seen it at least 40 times. I want to take a nap, but I have to much work to do. Hmm, can't think of what to type. I hope I get some money for my birthday. I guess I'll just have to wait till tomorrow to find out. Later I am going to call a friend of mine who I haven't talked to in a while. Last night I slept with my contacts on. I better go take them off after this. I don't think that is good for my eyes. So far the school year is off to a good start. I am seeing friends I haven't seen in a while.
College isn't at all what I thought it was going to be. MAN, that French class is really kicking my but right now!!  But, I'm determined to suck it up and get through it with a decent grade!!  I feel so insignificant compared to John, he probably has no idea what it feels like to feel so behind everyone else!  But of coarse, I would never let on to that around him. I really can't wait till I finish this semester and maybe next semester I will have a better experience. I really think that 17 hrs for a freshman is a little too much, especially for me. I really feel like I cheated someone out of a spot well earned here at UT. I don't feel like I'm smart enough to be here. But I'm sure that I'm not the only person that had those thoughts every now and then. I really just hope I can keep a b avg so I can keep that scholarship!!!  I should probably make French a pass/fail class. I'm just so jealous of people that catch on to language so quickly and leave students like me in the dust!!  Ah. I should just be glad that I have the opportunity to explore myself here instead of griping about it 24/7. And MOM!!!  she can't keep her mouth shut. If I wanted John to know I wasn't feeling very confident then I would have told him!!!!  But of coarse, he calls and says, "mom said you couldn't handle your FR class. Well, just remember that school is your job!"  I know JOHN!!!!!!!!!!!  he just doesn't understand that I have too much pride in me to admit that, yeah, I was crying to mom that I really didn't know if I could keep up in French!  I hate it when he sees that "failing" side of me. I want to be as invincible as he is. And that's impossible. I can't live up to his example!!  There's no way I'll graduate first in my class here at UT like he did and get some awesome job in new York that pays more money than I've ever seen at once!!!  It sux having a brother that had scholarships that paid all of his college expenses with money still left over!!!!!  He amazes me. Maybe that's my problem is I'm trying too hard and wasting all my energy to impress him!  Its not Mom, I know she just wants these years to be the best years of my life, but john wants them to be my JOB!!!!!!  What the hell!!!!  Can I not have a normal family that just is happy and supportive of me and understands that I am an individual that will do and accomplish different things than they ever did in different ways than they ever thought of!!!  Maybe UT's not for me. Maybe I'm meant to be at some rinkydink community college, where not that much is expected of me!!  But no. That's not me. There's just something in me that won't let me settle on average
Coincidentally I always manage to surround myself with strange characters that unfortunately seem to have no passion for life, with the exception of a few. I seem to notice that the majority of people are concerned with the trivial, the meaningless the absurd. Fitting into societal norms seems to dominate my generation. I feel a tremendous amount of pressure to fulfill my existence to the maximum without leaving pout my loved one's or those who do not seem to pursue the same spiritual quest that I seem to be challenged with. The awakening of this dream has led me to search more "myself". Where should I begin? It is rare when I feel somebody is listening or understanding where I come from. These strange characters which I always seem to attract are convinced that their perspective on things is the only thing that matters and that the phenomenon of life is something one should get over, move on, think about something else like how you are going to succeed in life. I live in a dream state where the symbols of nature are constantly confronting me leaving me confounded and in awe but how do I move past that in order to fulfill and answer many of my questions which at this point are leaving me insatiable. Lately I've been paying attention to my dreams. I've noticed a pattern of dreams THAT LEAD OR SIGNAL TO A HIGHER SOURCE , BEING, STATE of consciousness. I can't contemplate the beauty, the colors, it all seems so supernatural and nobody seems to understand much least care about what they're. I've also had a couple f nightmares where I am constantly being watched and followed by a large amount of males. I guess I have difficulty and although I ashamed about this, I have a hidden fear of the male gender. I look around and I see a patriarchal world that insists on leading me to believe that everything is difficult and only the very best, the smartest will survive and coincidentally most of them happen to be men. Anger dominates this thought,  all my life I've been able to pull through "waking up" has made me realize that we are in "deep shit'. I mean I walk into my college chemistry class and this beautiful blonde woman is teaching this class of about 500 people and I am in awe. Why is it so difficult to contemplate that a woman does have the innate ability to do science. This woman reminds me of myself. I am mad at myself for finding myself noticing the fact that she is female. I question how she is treated by her male dominated colleagues. Do they underestimate her, how hard does she have to work in order to prove herself, and if she were ugly would it make a difference. It is too difficult to overlook these questions I face them everyday. Constantly have to prove myself and I am sick and tired of the preconceived notions that people have about women
I am sitting here at Hardin House, boy I am so stressed out. I have these  two writing assignments for psychology a whole bunch of pre-cal homework  and tons of reading to do for Biology and Sociology. this sorority stuff  is starting to take up way to much time. I really don't like the feeling I  am getting when I am set up with a date because it makes me feel like I am cheating on my boyfriend. I know I shouldn't feel bad since I am just being friends with them and nothing more it just really bothers me sometimes. I really don't feel like going out tonight because I still  think I am sick from yesterday. I need to go and call my mom and dad  since I haven't talked to them in about five days I am just way to busy. I think I really need to work on some major time management skills because I  am worried about getting behind and I want to get 3 As and 2 Bs so I can  start off good before my classes get too hard. I am really excited about  UT vs. OU weekend I hope that Jaycob can go so that I don't have to go with some random guy. I wish it wasn't the same weekend as my schools homecoming so that I could go home oh well. I need to take a shower and get ready  for the KA mixer and try to read and definitely watch 90210. That was 20 Minutes. THANK YOU!  HAVE A NICE DAY!
This is a really strange writing assignment. it's hard to write to keep up with your thought s. the U. s open is on tv right now, Serena Williams is playing Monica Seles. I'm not really sure who is winning but they look like pretty even competitores. Serena is eighteen and she is really improving while Seles is getting older now and she isn't as good as she use to be. It's really hard to make myself do all of the work for colloege. There is really a lot of reading and I'm having trouble deeping up. My mythology class has a lot of reading and its pretty boring so I end up putting it off. I really just do the work that I know I'm going to get quizzed over soon like in Calculus and Eco. Calculus is eadsy though because last year I learned al ot in Mr. Romano's class and the new teacher is just explaining the same old stuff. Psy is really interesting in class but I haven't read much for it because I took Psy last year in high school and we used the same book. So hopefully that will help me make good grades in it this year. I have so much reading to do for muythologe because we have a quiz on tuesday and it is going to be so hard because the teacher thinks that it is so interesting an that we remember like everything she says or assighns. The horse sale this weekend is going to be really fun. I hope we find another one like eden that will only sell for her broodmare value. I hope Shug agrees to take Cerise and Souther n I've. But if he doesn't then I guess that Cristophe will and he is a good trainer. It is so annoying that Southern Ivy's Jockey didn't listen to us in the race. He should have held her back at the beginning but he had to try to be a hotshot. She should have won. Oh well, she is only two now, I hope she has a lot more races ahead of her. She could be really good once she gets sorted out. I can't beleive that Anita's foal has such bad back legs. It seems to happen  every time when we breed to an outside stallion. I hope Brittany isn't too mad that I blew our meeting off today. But I just really wasn't in the mood to hassle with all the traffic and everything, besides, I didn't even understand the directions to the place. Oh yes!!! its already been twenty minutes.