I know that I have assignments to take care of but I do not want to complete them. I know it is incredibly important for me to perform these tasks. they can make or break my future. yet, I still never seem to be able to motivate myself. it is really frustrating sometimes. But that  is were the apathy sets in again and I will not take action. It seems like a cycle that I know at my house. My dad had behavior problems, to put them modestly, I could see how it would pain him, he did want to change, but it was as if he never followed through. I do not blame  him, I just see a pattern that is similar to mine. But at least I am working now. I still have German 506 to complete that is were I am most suffering. I need to review, and starting to catch up before I wind up failing. It would b e the realization of possibly my worst nightmare. Me being my only downfall, or rather me causing my own downfall. At some point I have to break this cycle but sometimes I don't think I will. But I must press on. If I don't turn it around, on my own now that I am in college, I am afraid I never will , and all the jokes about the weeding out process catching me will actually materialize. I have to start putting my foot down. Tonight was a good start. I told my suite mate who I am very good friends with that I could not go see a band play with him. instead I opted to stay home and do work. However, only now I am beginning to work on it. That is very disappointing . It seems as if it will be another late night, another example of destructive behavior. I will go home this weekend and perhaps seeing all my old friends and especially my parents will provide both some moments of relaxation and clarity for realizing the importance of my task at hand. It will be very nice to get away. The depravity of this city seems to be catching me. Or rather I am slowing down to let it get me. Waco is a much different society than Austin. I cannot be lure d away. Then again that is a mistake for me to blame this city. Waco has all the same trappings, I just had a strict support system to keep me from falling . Now I can fall and It doesn't look that I will stop. I cannot think like that. But any rate, it will be nice to see the old friends and parents and perhaps be able to better take in my first 3 weeks of college and that way tell what all indeed I need to work ion to improve myself. I just know that this cannot go on or I will star5 to pay some very hefty consequences. My dad always told me before I left for UT that I would be greatly affected t by the people I surround myself with. I can see how this is partly true but I do not think they will control my pattern of thinking or my priorities. I will start breaking from their carelessness now and develop my own work habits. I will be in control of what it is I will do on any given evening instead of bowing to my lethargy and trying to relay on some mythical easy way out to appear. This is the time for me to start caring. I am not sure what else I can talk about. I have run the gamut with those previous thoughts and to talk of them more would just seem to be beating a dead horse. My mind is almost weary from thinking about the subject and I need an escape. Perhaps it is the midnight hour approaching that is getting to me. I don't believe that I have  much longer to continue writing on this assignment. Two very large priorities for the even9ihng that I still have to take care of is my German, which I have already stressed the importance of, but also washing clothes because tomorrow I return to work and I need better clothing than what I am wearing, or have been wearing for the past two days. It may seem late, but if I am outrunning that new leaf, I am going to have to start somewhere, and if not now, when. My mind is growing blank and I believe that I should rest before going on to the next assignment so as not to be staring for thoughts on the next topic.