I thought I could cry forever and I wanted to until I feel eased and better. I guess that made me feel at least somewhat better since I don't feel as depressed or sad right now. I saw mo and ricky this morning. mo probably thinks I've gotton weird, edged, or I don't know, just crazy and there's something wrong with  me. yeah. there's definitely something wrong with  me. I wanted to talk to him so much. I miss him so much when I don't see him and I don't see him as much or at least I don't try as much to see him or hang out with  him. before hanging out with  him was one of my better comfort or pleasure, but it hurts me now to him. he is, to me, one of my best friend and I care for him a lot. I want the best for him and he doesn't deserve a person like me. I am so confused. I am so depressed. I know that I should talk to people about it but it isn't so easy after all. connie doesn't understand or I know understand her. I tried so hard for her but she seems so insensitive or she is being a jerk on purpose to be insensitive to me. I don't even think she knows what she's doning to me. God please help me to get through this time. I truly believe that only you could help me and pull me through this misery. I miss feeling your awesome love. I feel so lonely. I feel bad but I can't really talk to my mom about this my whole crazy situation. she expects so much out me. she loves me so much that it hurts her so much to see me being like this. but Lord, I really don't know what I can do. I don't think I am capable of doing anything well or at least I don't have any desire to do anything. I thought mom was okay with  elementary education and I thought I could do that, but she says, "no, no!" to it. what can I do?  I really want to be the daughter my parents want me to be. I really want to be a friend all my other friends want me to be. I really want to be a sister sungmin and sungchan want me to be. but most of all, I really really want to be someone that I want to be that will please everyone and the most of all You. I am so confused. Lord I don't know what to do and this makes me a sad, depressed and unhappy person. I don't have any motivation to do anything and this is so hard because the school has already started. whenever I feel like I want to cry or feel down I want to go to certain people like timmy, steve, mo, betty, connie, mom, and etc. but timmy, as much as I want to go to him, I can't for some reason. instead, I'm so mean to him. I don't mean to be. I hope he knows it. I wonder if he still likes me. I sometimes feel like he does, but I don't think so anymore. guys are so frickle. steve. I want to but I can't depend on him too much because he will be married soon and I shouldn't be near him so much. mo. I want to but you are one of my problems. why can't you be just a friend to me. betty and connie. I shouldn't talk to them so much, in fact, I kind of regret telling them so much about me. I shouldn't have. oh well, they are my friends and I hope they don't ruin my trust on them. well, I feel so much better just writing about everyting or most of the things that bothered me for so long. I guess my 20 minutes are up. maybe things will be better today.