Gosh, I'm so tired right now. Crazy. and oh so overwhelmed with school. I mean how much reading could I possibly get this semester. I hate having vision problems. it just feels like everything is this world is working against me. I mean the blind people get all of their books on tape before me. well reality check. I CAN'T READ MY BOOKS EITHER. I guess I could make a big stink about it. because by law they have to arrange for me to get assistance for my disability. but its too much hassle and I already feel really uncomfortable about my disability. I mean. I just hope that if I transfer schools that they will give me more individualized assistance. something UT has no idea how to do. Why do I hate my roommate so much. I think I need therapy for how much I hate her. I actually get a pang in my stomach when I know she is at the apartment. that is a major problem. adn when I go into my apartment I close my bedroom door in order to say don't even try to talk to me". and the really really sad thing is that I don't think she has a clue how much I hate her. I haven't had this much rage towards someone since 11th grade. and those are the only two people in my whole entire life that I have ever hated. Staci and my spanish teacher . Its weird some people just rub me the wrong way and there is  no forgiving them. I get along with everyone. I mean everyone. so for me to have an enemy it is actually quite odd. I wonder why dan and vab always have to act like they are cool and don't care about stuff. It actually really bothers me. I mean, for God's sake, show some freaking emotion. Its so ridiculous. ummm have I mentioned how tired I am?  my eyes are closing on me. I really need to get more sleep in the future. I wonder if I really should transfer schools. I mean. that would mean moving back into my parents house. that would mean I can't come home drunk. I can't bring guys back to just hang out. gosh. all the fun stuff I do here would have to end. but then you just weigh that against my future. I mean I think if I got more assistance for my disability, I would go farther in life. which obviously is my ultimate goal. No one even knows I can't see well. I hide it so well,. I've known people for 3 years and they still don't know. I mean. they'll make fun of my vision but they never put 2 and 2 together. I wonder if I would if I was in there position?          oh my gosh. I'm soooooooo tired. now my eyes are burning. is this a sick joke?  I still have like 8 minutes to go. I don't know if I'm going to make it. my money situation is horrible. I seriously spend too much money on alcohol. I mean I spend so much freaking time studying during the week, that I feel like I  DESERVE to go out on the weekends. ya know. so I just spend my money on that. so why isn't it raining outside?  It was raining so magnificently last night. I love it when it pours rain. I reminds me of my dad. We always would go outside on our patio when it would thunder and lightning and just watch it. It was always so amusing to me and my sister and I would always have father-daughter bonding time. I miss my dad. why does he have to live in Egypt anyways. What a joke. my family does not deserve that one bit. Thank God he has a good and secure job though. otherwise I would be at a community college instead of UT right now. only 4 minutes to go. ummm. yep. once again I am tired. I got invited to a party tonight. I kinda don't want to invite dan. cause he always acts like he is too cool. when in all reality I'm too cool for him. so he feels like he has to act that way in order to compensate. Why is Suneal GAY. He is such the perfect guy for me. that royally sucks. Aren't there any straight wonderful gentlemen still left in this world of ours. I sure haven't found them. /. oh my!  1 minute. yippee        honestly that was a very excruciatingly long 20 minutes. I think you could have gotten the stream of consciousness point across by making it 10 minutes. but whatever        times up. oh darn!        peace out