Right now it id 9:30 in the morning and I wish that I was still asleep. I had a Biology discussion this morning and it was really boring. I don't really understand what goes on in that class. Science isn't my best subject, but I guess I am going to have to improve that because my major is mainly based on that. And if I don't do well in those classes, I can't get accepted into upper divison. I'm not sure. I have been thinking about changing out of nursing because I really want to dance but I just don't think that there is a living in that profession. But at least I would really enjoy it. I wish I were more like my bestfriend in that aspect. He does what he wants because he wants to do it. He isn't worried about his future and I know that's kind of bad, but he really loves what he does. And he is good at it. I just don't seem to be good at much of anything and school just worries me. I wish I could push myself more, but I just don't have the motivation. I try at least. My classes are really hard and I am worried about doing well in them. This is my first time to be away from home and I want to prove to everyone that I am not as incapable as everyone thinks that I am. My own boyfriend doesn't really have faith in me. He thinks that I can't hold my own and that I have to depend on everyone else to help me through what I do. And maybe in some aspects that is true. I have had a difficult time just being myslef. I feel like people don't want to talk to me, or that what I say isn't as important as the next person. Enough about my problems though, right? Today I am going to get a tattoo. I have always wanted one and I have never had the nerve to go and get one. I think it is going to hurt really bad but I think that I am finally ready for one. I have been looking at what kind I want and printed some out off the computer. I hope that they can do the one that I want. I guess I am just going to have to wait and see what happens with that. Today I have 3 classes left to go to. This being one of them. I have a hard time paying attention in this Psychology class. I just can't seem to get interested in it for a complete hour and a half. All of my other classes are just 50 minutes and it seems easier to pay attention in them. But I added this class so 3:30 was the only time that was left open. I had to take it. Thinking about school, I am going to go home and take summer school at SFA. I feel that if I can get some credtis there and transfer them here that it might take some of the load off for next year. I already came with 6 hours but that isn't very many. I am really determined to get into upper division nursing after 2 years. I don't know what I will do if I don't. I guess I will just transfer back home and go to school there if I can't get in here. But I really want to prove that I can get in here. I am trying really hard in my classes, but it just doesn't seem to be doing me any good. I read what I am supposed to and work the problems, but I just can't seem to learn the material. I'm not taking any dance classes right now which is really ackward for me. I have never gone a year without dancing. Last year I was dancing 4-6 hours every week day and this is just strange. I don't excerise in any other way than that so I am starting to feel out of shape. Dancing was my way to let everything out. I wasn't always as good as I wish that I could be, but it was a way for me to prove to people that I was good at something. Here I can't do that. I am just another person walking down the side walk. At home, in such a small town, everyone knew who I was. And here I think I know about 20 people at the most. None of my friends came here so it isn't like I really have a relase. I am going to go home this weekend, and I know it is kind of soon, but I really miss my boyfriend. Maybe I am just not cut out for this large college atmosphere. It might be best if I go home, I know mom and dad would like that a lot more. But I am tired of doing everything for my parents. I never did anything in high school for myself. Mom and I got into arguments all the time and it seemed like my whole life I was just trying to prove myself to her. She treated me like a child even last year, like I was still 12 and couldn't take care of myself. Being an only child I was smothered by my parents and grandparents. I don't know. It was nice getting what I always wanted, but sometimes I wished that there was someone else there to put the blame on. It's hard to handle everything that went on in my family. Someone once told me to write down what bothered you and it would make you understand better about what was going on and how to fix it. It doesn't work. Besides, I get tired of writing all of that down. I am super duper hungry right now butI don't want to eat because I am really afraid of the freshman 15. I haven't been eating well lately. I won't eat most of the time, but then it seems like when I actually do eat, it isn't anything healthy. The only good we have in our room is gronola bars and froot loops. Like that is healthy. At least I have been drinking a lot of water. Well, my time to write is almost up. Thank God because I am really getting tired sitting here and doing this. Also, I have a class in 15 minutes and I really need to leave and go there. So, I guess I have a couple more of these things to do during the rest of the semester. Fun fun fun, I can't wait.