I am wondering whether or not I should try out for the dance team. In away I want to so I will have something to be a part of but at the same time I'm fearing the inevitable rejection. Rather than be rejected I'm just not going to try but then I'll always wonder whether or not I could have made it if I had tried. If I do try out and then I fail everybody will know that I FAILED AND I'll be embarrassed. I risked failure when I pledged but I did it anyway. My neighbor failed and I didn't think any less of her so why should I think any less of myself. I'll look fat in the leotard and tights, but one reason I want to do it is so I'll stay in shape. Everything is too competitive. I wonder what my cats doing since when you gave this assignment you mentioned a dos so I started to think about my cat. Then the picture frame I got today since I have a picture of my cat but I have to get another frame for my cat picture. My entire room is decorated in cat things. I found a gecko in my room today. There not have as big as the lizards we used to find in the house when I lived in Arizona. they used to be at least a foot long. I wonder what I'm going to do tomorrow I have reading to do in the morning. I can't help but put in capital letters at the beginning of sentences and periods. My mom wanted me to copy this and run spell check, how stupid. that what you get for having an English teacher for a mother. I want to get a calendar to put up all my things. Im scared to death I'll miss something like a homework assignment or test. I wonder if I need to be studying more often. It seems like I'm not doing enough. I don't know what I'll do if I fail. I hope I'm doing this write. It seems like the paper is just going on and on and on. I seem to worry about failure alot. I hate typing, I never memorized where the keys were so I keep goofing. My parents always told me to take typing but I was too lazy and afraid I was going to not get an A. I wonder how my sister got involved, society of women engineers. I say a bent today on the way to class. The other graduate students are coming on the 19 here. I bet it would be easier if I didn't repeat to myself what I was typing I need to go by the Newman center to meet n9ice boys. Why bother I never going to get married I probably not even going to get good grades and I'll never get in to med school and I'm going to flunk out. God I hope not or I'll end up as a house wife not that that's bad but I always wanted a career and my sisters so successful. My parents would be so disappointed. Now I'm starting to sound negative like that survey said but I was much more optimistic in the survey I wonder if those ever prove anything or if people really lie to themselves when they're doing those even though they think they're being realistic this girl beside me took forever doing the survey. How much time do I have left? IS anybody even ever going to read this? Probably  that was why it was done on the internet that reminds me of the guy I sat next to in Chem. I hope he doesn't think that I was offended by his remark it doesn't bother me I'm used to it with Adam and all. I feel like I've typed forever and it looks like nothing on this sheet the way it goes to infinity on the right. I keep on thinking about what to type instead of just typing what I'm think I just its just a habit from writing so many in class essays and such I'm so happy I passed the AP that way I don't have to take any English classes and I showed Mr. Cody and my mother I wonder what Patrick's doing. He got a 5. The girl at dinner the other night was so stupid she thought she got a 560 and the SAT's and the AP's were the same thing that's why I'm not a pom that and the fact I'm not talented enough since I spent a lot of high school studying instead of dancing or anything else. I can't imagine having three hours of practice a day. I guess I had as much with games and all but it seems like a lot less. I had a ton of fun at games though and wouldn't have given it up for it now. That's how I tell whether or not it was worth it if I would trade it for something else now not that I could go back and repeat it so I guess it doesn't matter anyway.