I have no clue how to start this. I haven't bought my psychology book yet. Is that bad? I wish I could do that DJ thing at the beginning of class. The guy last time played horrible music. I made a friend in that class named Kelly. She seems cool. I hope we get to hang out. This feels like a diary entry. Is that what it's supposed to be like?  Today Natalie and I went down to a free barbecue thing and met some new people. One girl we met reminded my of my ex-boyfriends new girlfriend. It really got on my nerves. Not because I'm jealous, just because it was like her twin and being around that was just an odd situation. Rob is really annoying me. I'd like to just stop talking to him altogether. But hang out with him at the same time. And Eric. I don't know what to do with Eric. I don't know if I love him or not. I don't know if I'll ever really be in love. He says the sweetest things to me, so it's easy for  me to say sweet things back to him. But I don't know if I really feel it or not. I think I'm really heartless. And I haven't been in English for a long time! I'm forgetting whether to capitalize the I" in some words. Odd. My arm hurts. Am I going to have to keep this up for 20 minutes? I wonder if some people write really poetic things in their stream of consciousness writings. Mine is all boring teenage bullshit. Let's try and write something deep. It's quiet in the dorm hall, save the occasional dorm slam. All the girls are in their rooms, wasting tears on heartless boys and wasting brain cells on pointless worksheets. The faint shimmer of hope of the future they saw on the first day of college has almost completely faded, all in a couple of days. Soon those heartless boys will do something so horrendous, and the girls trust in men will be shattered for good and ruin all relationships in the future. Aaaand I'm spent. That was so lame. Bullshit, as my English teacher would say. He is really cool. He made us write about a chair the other day, which was very interesting. And he taught at Pomona, which is my Harvard. I would love to go to school in California. Hopefully next year I can go to SFSU and be near Eric and see if this thing will really work out. Are boys the only thing on my mind? Am I really that shallow? At this moment, I'm afraid so. I blanked. I have to start a new stream. I'm losing a lot of weight, I think. My wrists are smaller than they used to be. I don't know why that waifish look appeals to me. I want to be super skinny. And if not eating is how I have to get there, I just might do it. I don't think I'm fat right now. There are just parts of me that could be smaller. And I'm too lazy to work out, so not eating will solve all of these problem areas. I'll be the anorexic that always eats Milky Way. Because those are so good and I could never give them up. When do I become an adult? I have no clue where that came from. But really. When? It's really quiet in here. I can hear Natalie typing on occasion. She is a good student. Always on top of things. Our room smells like new carpet when you first walk in. The other day it smelled like Clam Chowder. Not pleasant. I miss my family. I never thought I would. I don't miss them so much that I'd cry or be terribly homesick. I mainly miss the meals. And the fact that if I was sick they would go and buy me what I needed. I took birth control for the first time on Friday and it made me sick and there was no one to take care of me. It made me appreciate my mom so much more, which I rarely do. Yes, I am a spoiled brat. I didn't get as much stuff as other brats did, but I am one nonetheless. And I have no concept of money because I am willing to shell out another couple hundred bucks in October to go see Eric again. And my mom will be furious at me if she finds out. I'm not going to tell her this time. I'll give Natalie all the information. And pray my parents don't come down for a surprise visit. I like our dorm room. It has a lot of character. I love our posters. Natalie and I have the same tastes in a lot of things. Of course, I'd much rather have my best friend Monica as a roommate. I miss her so much. And with her, I do miss her to tears. She is the only one I could be myself around. I love her so much. And feel horrible about what I did to her last year. I blew her off. I wasn't a good friend. And I'll never forgive myself for it. The girls across the hall from us just got home. I don't like them that much. Jenny is nice. She listens to Morrissey. And, however stereotypical that is, we think she is gay because of that. Most Morrissey girls are lesbians. And Paige, the other girl, is really stuck-up. And she listens to lots of local bands from Dallas that I despise. So yes. It takes a lot for me to warm-up to people. I'm very selective with friends. Which I shouldn't be because I'm not the coolest person to hang out with. And boy do I have low self-esteem. I constantly put myself down. Eric gets annoyed with it. And I type really hard, too. I think Natalie is annoyed with this sound right now. Oh well. Seriously, is someone going to read this? Is there a right or wrong way to do it? I hope not. I'm sure I'm doing it the wrong way. Rob just told me that he is joining the army. I don't want him to. And I told him why. And he told me not to be punk rock because I'm an indie princess. That's so lame. Just because I listen to that kind of music doesn't mean I can't have political views. And this was a good exercise. Very therapeutic. Thank you, Professor!