I'm really happy I started my workouts today even though I feel awful right now. I need to get back in the shape I was before the marathon. I don't really feel like going out tonight at all but I have to go because I promised my friends. I'm not really big into parties I think they are sort of stupid I'm always really uncomfortable because I don't really know that many people except the guys they go with and I feel really weird just following them around. oh well it doesn't really matter I guess everyone there is drunk anyways I really want to go home this weekend and see zach I really miss him a lot I wish we could have both gone to the same school but we Couldn't. thanksgiving is really far away and I don't know if I can wait that long to see him. We have been friends so long it feels really weird not seeing him everyday there are some good things about being here I never have to see ross or trevor I hate those guys. I would like to lie and say they taught me something about myself balhaablaha but zach was right I never needed either or them. Dating zach is so weird but being friends first makes it more special. I really miss sharon I can't believe she is going into the army in two days israel is so far away and I can't believe I won't see her for two more years. kayla is at texas state with nathan and says she loves it I hope her and blake get back together she just loves him so much I feel bad that she's sad about them breaking up with him and I don't really know what to tell her. I miss the basketball team so much I have pat and kellan here with me but zach and maury and matt and nathan and dotun are so far away I hate it I guess maury and zach aren't that far away dallas isn't that bad. Its sad though I won't be able to go back and see ben and dipot and my brother play since my parents moved I'm sad I won't be able to go to reno with zach anymore but I guess he decided to stay home iwht me for christmas so Andrew and dotun will go by themselves without us christmas is going to be so fun with him I know zach feels like he will never mean as much to me as ross but I feel the same way about amy I think we both know what we have is different but I really don't like talkinga bout it with him I would rather just ahave fun together like we always do we know what we are to each other and I don't think we need to keep talking about it. I'm over ross for good this time same with trevor and no matter how many times they ask me I won't get back together with them I don't think zach believes me though I don't konw what I can do to make him no so insecure about us I don't know whatever hell figure it out eventually. Its hard to talk to him though I could never hurt him though I just know him to well everything about him we grew up together so I know all the things that hurt him and he knows all the things that hurt me so I don't know if I could ever accidentally hurt him or say anything that would make him sad because I know exactly what those things are. He knows those things about me too I think its better this way to know everything all the wounds a person has  when you are with tthem there ar eno secrets between us because he was the person I always told me secrets to and he is still that person I go to so I don't understand why he thinks I will break up with him inever will he will have to break up with me because I refuse to hurt him I would never cheat on him eitheri love him too much and I respect him too much I think it is just awful when people cheat on each other I don't think its the worst thing you can do but it is still terrible you should care enough about the person to end it before you deliberatly hurt them that is just mean and selfish I don't think I could ever do that to anyone but especially to zach god I've tlaked about him way to much I think but who care nobody will probably ever read this I miss him a lot I think its weird what happened alst weekend going up to visit him will be awesome in two weeks I can't wait I miss him so much he is really starting to look like ben I