this is getting really old this is my second time doing this because the page keeps shutting down or going back and I have no idea what's happening to my other writings. so now I'm getting really annoyed because I have other homework to be doing . I also have to do the prescreening because I tried doing it last night and the computer kept crashing. I'm watching the sandlot I remember this movie from when I was a little kid me and my brothers would always watch it. they always tried to make me watch Michael Myers and I'm so scared of him. they used to dress up like him and have his mask and hide in my room at night. they were pretty mean to me. now that I'm gone I miss them so much. mayra and john keep arguing and whispering stuff to each other and I wish they would stop they make it so obvious that they don't want me to hear. I hope I don't have to start over again because that's going to make me so mad. I'm going to the incubus concert next week and I'm so excited the only thing that sucks though is that I have a test on Monday in this class and also my precal class which means I have to hurry up and study and not slack off. I don't want to be one of those students who mess up at the very beginning of their college years and then wish they wouldn't have. this timer is going really slow and I'm getting really sleepy I didn't go to bed until six in the morning. I was up watching videos and eating cereal today is Nichol's birthday and instead of me buying her something she bought me a glow in the dark wish bear. I thought that was very sweet of her but I feel bad because I have no idea what to get her for her birthday she has everything that she could possibly want. were going to go eat at red lobster on Saturday and were going to the movies to watch wicker park. I already saw that movie this weekend but I liked it so I want to see it again. it was about a girl who becomes obsessed with this guy. I wonder why people become obsessed with others I mean does it have to do something with their brain or is it just lust and they want to get their way. I hope I do good in college I don't want to mess up. I'm not even sure what I want my major to be. I was premed at the beginning and I still am but it seems really difficult and it needs a lot of determination and hard work. I know I could do that if  I really wanted to but I want to have a life outside of school and it seems that's all that doctors have time for, books and work. so I'm getting really hungry and my head is starting to hurt john and mayra are still arguing and I don't like it at all. I feel bad when people argue because I feel I should try to make everything better. I know its usually none of my business but I like to make people happy. all of my friends tell me that's a bad quality because I never end up doing what I want. but the thing is I don't want to hurt anyone especially those I care about. I feel like I'm hiding so many things from so many people but they would never understand me and plus I don't want to disappoint them. I know that if they really loved me they would understand and be happy for them but I'm not sure I want to take that chance especially if I don't even know what's going to come out of it. I'm probably not making any sense right now and I wish this would hurry up because they are really getting mad now and I'm using johns computer so I feel like I'm using him and mayra is getting mad at him and he is doing me a favor by letting me use it. they left the TV on a baseball game and I don't want to watch that. I need to go and check in with my job because I need to start working already. I'm running out of money and I don't want to ask my mom for money because she has bigger things to worry about I just want to make it on my own and make her proud. they are all doing so much for me to be here that I don't want to make them doubt why they believe in me so much. I really want to go home and watch TV and fall asleep and forget about everything that's going on right now I feel like pretty soon everything is going to crash and burn and its going to be all my fault and I'm going to be left with nothing except regret. I regret not being honest with everyone right now but I'm just trying to take things one day at a time. hopefully everything will get easier and make more sense because I have no idea what I'm going to do if it doesn't. I hope that everything that is happening is happening for a reason