I am from San Antonio. I feel sick all of the time. I don't feel nervous or anxious, I just don't feel well. I started feeling this way when I moved to Austin. I usually don't get more than 4 hours of sleep a night and I usually only eat one meal per day. I don't think that I am depressed, although last night I cried for about 30 minutes because I was thinking about things from the past. I miss my ex-boyfriend. When we broke up I felt like a failure because he was the only guy that I tried for. He has been the only guy that I have ever cared about. I also cried because I miss my mother. She died from leukemia when I was 9. Right now I don't feel like studying for my Chemistry quiz tomorrow, even though I really need to. There is this problem I seem to have with caring. I just don't. There are only two people in this whole world that I would cry at their funerals if they were to die. Those two people are my dad and my brother. Lately I feel like they don't really care to talk to me though. My best friend is also my roommate and she has gotten a call or a visit from someone in her family at least everyday. I haven't gotten a call from anyone in my family yet. I guess it doesn't really matter though. There is this guy in Austin that I may start to actually like. I met him at the summer orientation for pre-freshmen. Then, over the summer, he spent five days looking up my phone number over the internet. (Or so he says)  Well now we are sort of dating and I'm starting to get a little interested. I'm very insecure though, and I think that he is too good-looking for me and soon he will find someone better. That's why I try not to let myself care too much for him. My roommate thinks that I am just a player because I talk to a lot of guys, but that is not what I want. I want someone to want to be with me all of the time, and no one else. I only want one person for me, but at the same time there are so many new and interesting people attending this University that I have a hard time being serious about committment right now. I don't know. I guess I will just have to see what happens, right?  My dad doesn't understand that I don't care about my new step-mother. She is my second step-mother because my dad and first step-mother got a divorce. I didn't care about her either. My first step-mother had two sons of her own and I was glad when they got divorced because I didn't like her or her sons. My step-mother now, I like, but I just don't care what happens. She is not my mom. You only have one mother in a lifetime. As long as she makes my father happy, she is cool. I'm so tired, but I probably won't be able to sleep again tonight. Most of my classes are giving me a lot of work to do. My friends all say that it sucks to be Heather, but I don't really care. I have a job interview on Friday. I don't want a job, but my dad wants me to get one. I want to go home. Home is not my dorm room, and it's not my house in San Antonio where my parents live either. I say that I want to go home all of the time, but I still don't know what I mean when I say it. When I find that place where I am happy I guess then I will know what I mean. I'm not a happy person. yet. I am content, but not happy with my life. I have this one candle that I light when I feel truly happy. I haven't lite it in years.