I am sitting in my room watching the sandlot. Alessandra, my roommate is here too. She's getting ready to go home for the weekend. Shelley and Liz are both going home to. They offered me a ride, but I'm not going to go because I went home last weekend, and I don't want to go home two weekends in a row. Although I would really like to see Jordan, my boyfriend. He's at work right now and I'm waiting for him to call. The sandlot is on the part where Benny decides to jump the fence and get the baseball back from the neighbors yard. I've seen this movie a thousand times, the next thing to happen will be the dog chasing all the boys all around the town. This is probably one of my favorite baseball movies. My favorite of all time is definitely Field of Dreams. I always cry in the end where Kevin Costner's character plays catch with his dad. They didn't get along when he was younger and he never got to say that he was sorry for everything before he died. My dad and I have been getting along a lot more lately than we have been, I know that I would regret it if I just gave up on us getting along and said fuck it, so I'm glad we are at least trying to work things out. He apologized to Jordan this weekend for all the things he said to him this summer. Jordan came over and they had a talk on the back porch. I stayed inside and folded laundry because I felt awkward and tense about the whole thing. But apparently it went alright. I need to talk to my dad and tell him that I appreciate him doing that. I forgot to before. Actually, I just realized now that that's something I need to do. Probably should have said it earlier. I hope I didn't hurt his feelings. Oh well, like I said, I felt awkward about the whole thing in general. Which reminds me of a funny awkward moment I had today. I was at the Union with Shelley, and I went to the bathroom. Another girl was going in just as I was, and this made my shy bladder act up. She went into one stall, I went into the other, and I just couldn't go. Well, she wasn't going either, apparently, so we both just sat there for about a minute. I was trying hard to relax and finally I peed a little, but then it stopped. So the girl pees a little, and I pee a little more, but I still can't go all the way. I guess she gave up, because I heard the toilet flush and she left, so I was finally able to go. I went back to Shelley and told her the story. We were cracking up in the quietness of the Union 3rd floor. We started talking about Alex's engagement (again), which I feel guilty about because I am usually not the type to gossip, but it's hard to avoid talking about it. Before I saw Alex's ring (which is her grandmothers, Joe did not buy it), Shelley told me that it was 1. 7 carats, which is pretty impressive, but then I saw it, and looked at it closely, and it's not that great. Its color isn't that good, and it has a gigantic flaw in the side which I suppose Alex either hasn't seen or is just pretending that she can't see it. Jordan just called and I told him I need to call him back in eight minutes. Anyway, Alex is being really unrealistic about the whole engagement, wedding thing. She wants to get all these diamonds and a new setting for her ring, and she's looking at dresses that are 30,000 dollar, designer dresses, and the whole thing is just like a little girl planning some fantasy wedding. She doesn't seem to realize that the average middle class family can't afford something like that. But who knows, maybe her parents have more money than I think. Also, I don't know how seriously her parents have been taken her engagement. She's only been with Joe for about two months. I can hardly think about my future with Jordan now, and I definitely couldn't have thought about it after two months. The only thing I can say is that if we're still together when I graduate, I'll probably marry him. But I find myself thinking a lot that I want to be single, and I want to do all these things like travel and study aboard and maybe live in New York, and if someone is going to hold me back from those things, then I have to wonder if that's the person from me. I love him so much, but I also feel like I might be holding on to him because he's my first love and all that. He's such a great person though, I hope no matter what happens, that he will always be in my life. I just don't want to break his heart, or have my heart broken. I hope when it stops working, it just stops working for both of us and we can still be friends. Well, I have ten seconds left, so I think I'm going to call him now.