ahs10/essays-big5 huggingface dataset:
Cars Mileyva sock bigsteakhouse hands car printer Mileyva parrot tag nervous hole sandwich bite thick Diamond Rio Brooks and Dunn peanut butter I don't know what to put becasue when you HAVE to write your thoughts, you go blank. Milk gas bevo little fun Jacob thirsty storage my arm hurts squeeze itch bite straw kramer  what's happening? juice bad taste not enough slurp anxious about eco quiz smart car 300 ZX curly hair greek what? lonely itch nerd looks like water mickey gas i need to floss where were you when the world stopped turning eyebrow hungry for another sandwich acne i need to wash my face double date Elvira 27 year old date she I want my parents to meet her hospital my mom my brother Toby Keith Jacob's dad flying back muscle missions tortillas plane old orange couches in the pharmacy building Christina Ricci John Madden candle barometer greasy hair Kumbaya itch hope the cut on my foot doesn't get worse parking downtown Elysia Puerto Rican island palm tree ocean city beautiful Mexican dark hair and eyes government Burdine EX subwway tunnel trash in the breeze tile walls platform big orange ball my nose itches Jacob Chevy Venture banana steel baseball bag not enough I already like the B&D song   Unloved   even though I've never heard it Pumba Carpal tunnel Syndrome pepper chile pepper fireball I'm going to try and be a good friend to Mileyva countrified Mount Washington Kentucky green grass country road thick impatient about starting relationship tired of waiting hope time between communication does not dissipate her feelings big orange ball 1626 cafe Lexus Vanessa Carlton Pigglet hobbit houses bath with raspberry fragrance tumor gum graft kilo License to Kill Robert Davies bomb fish bob and tom black man fish my hair is cooperating Ocean's Eleven Eminem ovulating barrel Drew Carey operating table nickel McDonalds time trist leg hair pain in foot Eminem comb and style hand hurts knee itches
This week has been so overwhelming!  I have taken in so much and my mind feels like it is in overdrive. I already feel stress and the semester has barely begun. I want to be involved in a many ways as I possibly can, but there are so many organizations to join, I don't know what to choose. The difference between college and high school is readily apparent. I hope as time goes by, I will develop better study habits and get used to waking up early. I am extremely nervous about the first exam in all of my classes because I do not know what kind of questions the professor will ask, and therefore, do not know how to prepare for them. Tonight I am glad that I get to go out and do something because I feel so couped up here in this dorm room studying all week. I am also excited about seeing my boyfriend and cousins this weekend. Everytime he calls, I light up with happiness. No matter what kind of day I am having, I always feel better when he calls. I still miss my ex very much though. Two years is hard to let go of especially when they have been your friend for an even longer period of time. I wish he would just call me because I really want to talk to him. We used to talk every night for hours and hours. He was such a big part of my life and now I barely see him, let alone talk to him. I think that he is mad at me because I am dating someone else, but I'm not sure. He usually returns my calls, but I have not talked to him in like 4 days. I am really hungry and I would love a big bowl of icecream. but I can't have one. I am really trying to stick to this stupid diet because of all of the "freshman 15" horror stories. I wish I had more time to take a nap during the day, but when I'm not studying, I'm working out or running errands. Another thing I'm worried about is having two finals on one day. My mythology and calculus finals are right after one another and they are both very demanding courses. Oh well, I guess I just have to make the best of it because there is nothing I can do about it. Thank god I don't have three on the same day--then, I would really panic. I'm thankful to have Julio because he really pushes me and encourages me when  I am doubtful or discouraged. I miss him so much more than I thought I would. I have only been with him for a month, but I already feel attached. I hope my parents like him when they meet him this weekend. Hes so smart and has good manners. Their approval means a lot to me and I guess Ill find out what they think of Julio this weekend
Stream of Conciousness. hmmm. My mind is clearest when it's late, music in the background is soothing, it makes me think of Ted. The music playing is Ashley's favorite. It's amazing that one person can be such a pillar of strength. One person can change so much, by doing so little. Strength, Independance, Perserverance, Beauty, Power, Love, Intellegence, these are things that everyone wants, we all want to be everything, and the best of it all. Not even that we want to be everything, but we want to be precieved as everything. People in high school who were everything were really nothing. In life people who think they're everything are usually nothing. I want to be something. I feel really small, i'm waiting to feel big. Not physcially, but emotionally, big. I'm not fragile, but I'm not that pilar of strength yet. this isn't home yet. My bed isn't home yet. With time it will be home. When I walk in the door it feels like home, but every morning when i wake up, it's not quite right. It gets more right every day. Dashboard Confessionals, listening to them makes me feel comfortable, just quiet enough to hear, but not load enough to understand. So much to do, lists and lists. Why is it I procrastine always, always. Study habits are so bad, mom was right. I hate it when mom is right. Why do I always yell at her in my dreams? Dreams are always there, emotions are always there, I can't hide them in dreams. Rain is wonderful, it makes me breathe lighter. I love sleeping when its raining on the window, that was nice today. Sitting on my bed letting the skys fall. This life isn't a dress rehearsal, that is a poster on my wall. I'm never going to get a second chance, this is all i've got, never again will this moment happen, and look, i'm spending this moment typing like a crazy person trying to fill up this twenty minutes. I never realized how long twenty minutes can really be. The sound of the shower is a lot like the sound of rain, i like it. I like the smell of our room after someone is done showering, it's clean, fresh, it makes me smile. why are pictures so important? I have every important thing captured into pictures, who cares if you're really happy, when the camera comes, the smile appears, wheater you want it to or not. It's like when I dance, you walk on the stage and I become a totally different person, its not me. Dance is wonderfully curel. Twisting, torking, pain, stretching, then you walk on the stage and slap on a smile, like it feels good, pretending or lying? hmmmm. . something to ponder. My biology book keeps staring at me, screaming YOU HAVE TO READ ME SOMETIME! and God, is it right, i've got to. Dedication, it's what got me here, and it's the only thing that's going to get me out within the next four to five years. Biology - how could that motivate anyone?!?! The only thing that motivates me is dance, sad, but true. What would i be doing without dance? Living on the street corners of Guadalupe? I would if it made me happy - poor, rich, whatever, happy. Happy is what i want. 20 minutes is up - stream of conciousness. . hmmmm. .
There is this really annoying beep that will not stop, and at the moment it is the center of my attention, my focus. I cannot think of anything else because now that I have acknowledged this repetitive sound I cannot get it out of my head. It seems as though it is getting louder. I also hear the flopping of someone's shoes as they get closer, oh, and another person. Each of them into their own schedule, their own life. Wow, shoes all have such a distinct sound. Someone just walked by with shoes that have a very hard sole and make a loud rough sound. The beeping continues. A girl nearby is getting a drink from a machine. I bet she's thirsty. I'm thirsty actually. I'm hungry, too. Someone else just walked in the nearby door and a bell just rang. I hear some more clank of change and that sound of a drink coming down the machine to yet another thirsty person. As he came around the corner he was the same guy who just walked in the door but just left out the same door. I wonder where he is going, if he's a student. What kind of life he has, his interests everything that makes him an individual. More squeaky shoes. I seem to be hearing all of the shoe noises possible, as well as that beeping that still lingers in my ear. Everyone has different ears. People are so different. I love UT because there are so many unique people, and a lot of them are very friendly. Something just changed in the overall sound the air conditioner went off or some other constant light sound ceased, for it now seems much more quiet. I hear a man's voice in the nearby classroom who is talking about parabolas. Oh, how I don't like math. It's like a different language to me, and it scares me to think of some of the classes I might take. The ringing continues. A man walked by talking to himself. I wonder if he realized he was talking to himself, or if it's just one of those things that people do naturally and then when you ask them about it they can't believe they do whatever that thing is. The ring seems longer as it still persists the intervals between them are about 5 seconds. It's thundering. It's sprinkling outside but it's sunny I'm waiting for it to stop so I can walk back to my dorm. I could just walk now but I am content just sitting here. The chair is comfortable. It's almost like a couch, and the cushioned back feels nice. Now the coke machine in front of me started making that same noise again which stopped few minutes ago, aahh. I still hear the ringing. What is that? And the man's voice in the classroom. I can't make out what he's saying because of the other little noises. More people around the corner. My finger kind of hurts from writing so fast without stopping. I wonder how many muscles are working right now in my hand allowing me to write? Again, another girl's shoes flop against the floor. The floor is orange tile and not a bright orange kind of burnt, how ironic? Another guy walks by I wonder, too, where he is going. Is he married? More clanking of change and ringing, but there is now nobody in the hall. Chalk writing on the board it's an interesting sound. I'm thirsty. I'd like an orange juice.
The University of Texas at Austin is amazing. I love the fact that I'm living independently in my dorm. I have high expectations for myself here at the university at I also fear many aspects of college life. I have to remind myself to stay focused. I'm extremely excited about the opportunities that Austin has to offer, regarding education and entertainment. I'm really looking forward to the relationships I'm going to make, the parties I'm a enjoy, and best of all the memories that will be cherished. I feel so free, but nervous at the same time. I feel I can make it though. I just visited home last weekend to visit my grandfather and the rest of my family. I miss my grandfather, but he's in a better place now. I believe he's still with me in spirit and his soul is still protecting me. Death is a crazy thing. I was happy to see all my family for the labor day weekend, but it wasn't the same without my grandpa. My grandpa was like the king of my large family, so the reunion was abnormal without the him. I pray for him like I always have. My cousin's up in ATX with me. I know I'm a be partying with him a lot this semester and next semester. I felt so suppressed at home cause I had parents that tripped all the time, but I know they trip as much as other parents. I'm enjoying everything at this university. I'm just inhaling everything and it's great. Classes are huge, people are diverse, it's just a crazy experience. I'm half way done with this assignment. I miss some things about my hometown, I miss my mom and the rest of my family, but I miss my girlfriend like Crazy! She's so amazing! Kat dropped me off last night and we chilled in my dorm all by ourselves. We've been together for like an official month, but we've been getting to know each other for like 7 months. I'm really starting to trust her, she's really growing on me. I reminisce about my other girlfriends, and they're whack in comparison with my shorty. She seems, and I emphasize seems, so faithful to me, it's weird. Trusting girls with all your heart is hard, because tricks be scandalous sometimes. I've been played like a Sega dreamcast over and over like a broken record. I got so much battle scars and war wounds from selfish young girls, it's hard to believe I can still trust Kat as much as I do. But for some reason I just do, I'm fearing what the hell she's capable of doing to me, like hurting me, and that's why I don't act faithful sometimes. I've been good, but I guess I'm just scared to be alone, so I just stay somewhat close to other women. Because if she messes up and does me greasy, then I got some chicks that are close to me. I've never really been alone in that way. There's always some girls willing to get to know me. I've had some lonely times though everyone does. There's so much in front of me at this university, I don't know what to expect. I just have to remember to stay focused, get my priorities straight, and bust my ass to get my goals done.
Well, I'm not really sure what to write here, but here goes. So, I'm in a new state, in a new place, with no one here that I knew before I arrived. Sounds kind of scary, but I'm dealing. I came to texas from Nashville, TN. And it really seems that I am one of the few that are from out of state. Everyone is from Houston, Dallas, San Antonio, or Austin. And it has been rough, because most people came here with all of their best friends and here I am, this outsider who knows no one. But I was excited anyway, because I loved the school and all the school spirit. I came here early, because I was going to go through rush. Unfortunately about a month before I left for school, I was diagnosed with mono. I had been feeling okay, but started feeling bad right before I left for school. I had to skip the open house round of rush because I felt so bad. I participated in the rest and actually pledged the one that I wanted, but it was one of the hardest experiences. I had to be perky and cute when it was 100 degrees outside and when I felt horrible. I got through it and now I feel much better, but I will always remember that! Now that I am in the sororityI definitely like it but it is still hard. All the girls live in a different dorm than I do, and 26 out of 60 of them are all from the same high school in Houston! It's crazy. They are all really nice, but it is hard to make friends with people who already have all of their best friends here. I, so far, like the older girls better than my pledge class. We have our retreat next weekend, so hopefully I will get to know them better after the retreat. Classes are going well, but I'm struggling with the huge ones, because they are bigger than my entire high school! I only graduated with 80 people, so it is very different here. It is hard to know everything that goes on on campus, because everyone else already knows what and where everything is and I have no idea! Anyway, all this sounds like I am not having fun and that is absolutely not true! I LOVE school, but it has been so hard to force myself to stay home to get rid of the mono when all I want to do is go out, meet new people, and have fun! I do miss home a lot. I have always been very close to my family, especially my little sister and my mom (and my little dog Missy) So I miss them all a whole lot, but I am dealing. I have made some great friends in my dorm and I like all my professors and the people in my classes. I am looking forward to going home for Thanksgiving to see all my friends, but I am also looking forward to a lot of fun before then. Okay, I think it has been about 20 minutes, so I am going to leave now. So long, professor, even though you aren't reading this! :) Bye
Right now I am feeling much rage and it stems from the outcome of this weekend. I had traveled for three hours to visit my family and friends hoping that I would be welcomed with opened arms. Half of my theory was right. My family welcomed me with much warmth but my friends pretty much took a dump on my face. Well not all of them. A few in particular. My whole weekend was, in my mind a total waste of time. My so called best friends would rather spend time with their ridiculously uptight and stuck up girlfriends than to hang out with a best friend. I had known them my entire life and these girls just walked into the picture less than a couple of months ago. Nothing but anger subdued my mind for the following three days. I refused to let myself be depressed so I figured I would go shoot some pool. But to my dismay, one of my friends showed up, this one was one of my female counterparts, and she pranced in with a guy standing next to her. So what. That part didn't piss me off as much as the fact that they were at a party and didn't bother to pick up the phone. Not even to say hi. She did not even return my calls or answer my pages. To make it even worse, she pretended she did nothing wrong and pursued to make friendly conversation. To hell with that. I walked out of there without even saying good bye or giving a reason why. My mind was filled with so much raw emotion, the negative kind that can tear a hole through your soul. That's when I realized that Houston was no longer my home. I no longer had any true friends in the city that I grew up in for 18 years. Like I said, my friends had pretty much crapped in my mouth. I'm not sure if they were aware or not but that is completly beside the point. I am home now. The city of Austin where I would rather meet and make new friends than to salvage the friendships that I already had. I believe it is a wise choice otherwise I will just continue to be put in such an unstable emotional state. Not once this whole weekend I had a good thought in my mind. I was fine until my so called friends sold me out to be with a girl all night so that they could get freaky with each other. I've got no problem with my friends being horny and wanting to get it on with their girlfriends but at least hang out with me for one damn night out of three. Now I can relax and look forward to this weekend where I will undoubtedly have a good time while my friends stay at home with their thumbs up each other's asses. Screw all of them. I don't need them anymore than I need the toilet paper I wipe my ass with. Austin is a hell of a lot more exciting than houston and my asshole friends can stay there because they were too damn stupid to get into UT in the first place. I hope they are having fun at community college, or high school for those that were too dumb to even graduate high school. Good luck flipping those burgers at McDonald's the rest of your lives.
I don't really know how to start a "stream of consciousness" writing, but I guess I will write about how I feel about college right now. It is my first year and it is really scary but fun at the same time. I guess I haven't really had enough time to sit down and think about all that I have done since I have been here. It is exhausting to think how much I have actually been doing. I'm not a morning person so my days start around 11:00. From that point on I do not stop until about 23am, when I pass out. My days are filled completely with going to class, studying, meetings, and then of course going out. I have met so many people since I have been here. I barely remember anyone's name. I feel so bad when someone comes up to me and calls me by my name and I can't even remember ever meeting them. I'm sure that has happened to everyone before, but it seems to happen to me at least once a day. Oh well, life goes on. At least I remember my roommate's name. She is cool! We both went potluck and got extremely lucky. We get along like sisters, and people even think we look alike. It's crazy. This writing seems like a bunch of gibber gabber but I guess I am following the guidelines by writing what is on my mind. I think this is a cool exercise because it is actually giving me the time to sit down and think about what's on my mind. One thing that is always on my mind is how I miss home. I am used to my mom always taking care of almost everything for me. That makes me sound like a baby, but I am an independent person. I took care of my mom for two years while she was in bed sick. That was the point in my life when I grew up really fast. I had to go to work and school, cook dinner, go to the cleaners, and everything that I could do to help out around the house. When she got better, I guess is when I became lazy and wanted her to help me do a lot of things. She is awesome and I really miss her. My dad is an entire different story. He lives in Connecticut and does not do one thing for anybody except himself. He didn't raise us so he doesn't really know how to act like a father. My step dad is the man who acts as my father. He takes care of me the way my father is supposed to. I really miss him as well. If it weren't for him I would not be typing this essay on this computer, or going to the University of Texas as well. I am very thankful for everything he has done for me. I am bad at showing it sometimes, but I think he knows in my heart how appreciative I am. Another thing that I miss is my sister. She goes to Boston College. I tell her everything because she is my best friend. I don't know what I would do without the telephone. She makes me feel better whenever I have a problem or am upset. I guess this entire essay is about how much I miss my family. I am thinking that maybe I should go home soon and visit. Actually that could be bad, I need to grow up someday. I have two more minutes that I have to write. I feel better about being away from home now that I have expressed what I miss on paper. I have always heard when you write things down it makes you feel better, and this just proved that to me. I hope this makes some since. Goodbye have a good day!
Sometimes I think that maybe I need to make some changes to my life. Almost everyone I meet in my life think I'm too shy or too quiet. Personally I think I just don't like to talk. I tend to stand aside and listen or observe what is being discussed. Sometimes those who don't know me well get the wrong idea that I don't like talking to them. A lot of my good friends from high school think that I've changed since I came to college. They say I've learned to open up more to people. I think I'm still the same person though. I guess when a person moves into a college environment it's kind of hard not to talk to people. I mean we're always meeting so many people everyday. I guess another thing I feel like I need to change is my stress level. I tend to stress out very easily. Anything from school problems to things happening at home could make me nervous. I always feel so tense. It's as if everything is going by so fast and I don't have enough time to complete everything I need to do at once. When I'm around my family I usually try not to show them how stressed I am. However when I'm with my friends it's pretty obvious if I'm stressed out. I become moody easily and don't have an appetite. The last two years of college were stressful for me. I didn't know what I wanted to do in my life. I felt that everyone around me had a plan or goal they were working towards. For me, I couldn't find what I really liked. I tried talking to different people but it never really helped. Actually the main problem was myself. I'm always so indecisive. If someone was to ask me to choose between two things, I wouldn't know which one to choose from because I felt both were equally good or bad.