ok, ummm, I'm hungry. just got out of psych class and I was hoping to go home, but must turn this writing assignment in before friday. the lie detector presentation was interesting. sadly I started nodding off around the part where dr. pennebaker was talking about dopamine and schizophrenia and parkinsons. I was never completely asleep, just in and out of consciousness. man, my typing skills are really sucky. anyway, ricky's in my head. he is turning 19 on september 24. I always think he and chelsea should be together because chelsea wants it that way. wanted. she says she is over him, but I don't know. I am excited about the garlic toast I'm going to make with andrea's tuna casserole. yes, my roommate is also andrea. she is the more prominent andrea. totally super smart, super pretty, super nice. I could totally jealous. no, envious because she has what I don't have, she is not taking what I used to have. yeah, I could totally envy her, but it's just not so. she is a blessing. so. I need to make a bracelet for jodi. hopefully she is doing ok. and why is kirk still in my head? we weren't even super friends, just very casual acquaintances, but he manages to pop back in my head after three years. great job kirk. actually, I think I like thinking about him. or the idea that I have of him. I don't really know him so I can only entertain the ideas that I have of the hypothetical kirk. and I feel old. and worn out. and everytime I'm close to the edge of the sidewalk and a big bus passes by, I somewhat regret that I didn't fall or stumble into its path. I'm not suicidal, but the drama that comes with saying or writing these things is fun. I could die so easily. if death came right now, I'd go with him. even more so if he was cute. but I have too many people to be responsible to. not just friends and family but everyone who I've told that life is good. where am I going with this? I don't know. but it's more interesting than an itchy foot, no? so biology is making me feel anxious. hard professor, dr. edmiston, but I like it that way because it's like a battle or a contest. you get through, if I get that A, then it's going to be so cool because it's such a hard-ass class. andrea's hardass class is physics, but hers is plan II so it's probably triple the intensity of my biology  class. I'm glad I have something to work for, something to worry about because it was too easy at uta (arligton). I was not' challenged so I slacked off. worked more and got more money, yeah, but wasted time and  money on classes that I liked but weren't going towards nursing. oh well. I tell andrea I feel like a gray crayon here in austin. but I don't feel that all the time, just when I realize how gray I am compared to others. I'm thinking of what to type so this is probably only partial stream-of-consciousness, and not because I have something to hide but I'm better at writing. my thinking and writing speeds are almost the same. or, that's not good, I can slow my thinking to my writing speed but not to my typing speed. and I just want to go to sleep and not wake up. an eternal darkness, but I wouldn't know because I'd be asleep. but then if I ever wake up on the other side I'd feel guilty leaving people behind. so that was twenty minutes? yeah, if you want to see more stream-of-consciousness just ask to see my blue notebook. I usually sit front and center and no more than three rows back. but who would care? but it's there. ok, bye!