Well, I am almost ready to leave tomorrow back to my house in fort worth, although I would like it to be better to go back because since I have to work tomorrow, that makes it kind of boring and I cannot stop thinking about work instead of enjoy my time over there. Every time I go I always expect to spend some time with my girlfriend, that actually never really happens, I don't really know how I feel about it because sometimes I feel frustrated that I cannot do anything about it but then I analyze the circumstances and then everything gets better in my head. The fist thing I have to do before I leave is get all my homework done, including this assignment that I didn't want to leave for tomorrow because then it would keep me awake all night just like all my homework does. Since the first day that I slept in this dorm, it seems that the bed is not for me or something, I cannot fall asleep, and if I do, I wake up every 20 min and look at my clock to see if it's time to go to class. I remember I used to love school when I was in high school last year, everything was so cool, nothing was going so bad to call it bad, grades, girlfriend, family MONEY, but now some times I feel so ready to just drop out and get all this stuff over with, I cannot handle so much stress, never had so much actually. anyways, the only thing that keeps me up is my own will because I know I'm not a failer. Hard times are only tests that will lead me to a high hill and then the way down will feel really good!. The biggest problem that I have and that I think already gave me a pain in my neck, well that's because I cannot sleep and keep on moving at nights so  I think that my neck pain is indirectly related to my economic problems. I have to pay my whole semester rent next monday, that's one of the reasons I'm going home tomorrow, to get a juicy check that will just fly away from my hands. I only I was living in my house and going to a college near, I would be able to keep all that money and use it to get rid of my debt and actually be able to buy a gift for my girlfriend. I have bunches of pictures of her all around my room. I also have pictures of my mother and little sister. she is 6 and I miss her. I hope tonight I can fall asleep easy so I won't be tired during my 2 hour drive. everytime I drive tired I get nervous and think that I may fall asleep and all these thoughts come to my mind that I'm going to crash a big truck and never make it home. I know that the odds are really small and then I get better once I start listening to this exact same music I'm listening to right now. its a band called mana, is from mexico and they play really good kidda alternative music but is really meaningful and then they talk about world peace and they help children with massive foundations, with no doubt my favorite band. they are coming to dallas next october, I can't wait till then to go to the concert, I went to one last november and I still remember almost every second of it, this time I'm thinking on taking my girlfriend to make the concert even better. I just hope that I will have money to but the tickets then, cause now I don't. jeje,     A few hours ago I was doing my physics homework, it's just really hard, when I was in high school I was the best kid on physics and now I just feel really bad when I don't understand!, never happened before, I don't know if is because I cannot concentrate or because it's just really hard or because I'm loosing my intelligence, I think of that all the time, I have this scholarship that is helping me a lot with my finances but if my gpa goes down 3. 0 , they will take it away and then I will really be in deep trouble. I just saw a picture or one of the pictures I have of my girlfriend in my room and that reminded me that I have to ask her if her dad said yes! finally. we have been going out for almost a year and she just turned 18 last saturday, I was a really nice night, the problem is that her father doesn't know about us yet, we are afraid we might not like our relationship and then all would fall down. I feel guilty for making her disobey her dads rules but we love each other and finally I would be the happiest guy ever if I can make it trough this semester maintaining  a good gpa and if my girlfriends dad agrees on our relationship. When I think of these, it feels like everything is worth it to wait and suffer and not sleep and study like crazy, so that's what I'm going to do