The past week I have honestly felt the most incredible feeling of being overwhelmed. I am so frustrated and annoyed by everyone around me and everything that they do. I so badly want to step forward and correct everything that these people are doing wrong but for some reason I keep holding myself back. This frustration only makes my head hurt and keeps me angry at the world. My presence then becomes quite rude and unfriendly. I'm not quite sure what to do about this little problem. I really don't think that it's me. My suitemate is about to push me over the edge. She never picks up after herself, never helps clean the dorm room, never buys and groceries (even though she finds its all right to consume mass quantities of the food that me and my two other roomates buy), and she basically is worthless around the room. For example, the other day she mentioned that we needed paper towels and bottled water. On most circumstances that wouldnt bother me, however, she makes these claims but at the same time takes no initiative to fix them. She just assumes that me or my roomates will take care of the missing items in the room. She is from Beverly Hills. Im under that impression that she had someone to pick up after her and do everything for her when she lived there. Typical if you ask me. I just can't handle her behavior or her attitude anymore. On top of that, I am homesick. I miss my friends. I miss being with Richie. He'll call me once and a while. Usually he'll call me non stop for a straight week, and then I won't hear from him for quite a while. I get so anxious to hear from him, but he acts like he could care less if he talked to me. That makes me so mad. My roomate aka my best friend since middle school chastises me everytime i talk to him. It just makes me so upset that she thinks that he doesnt care about me in the least. Sure, he may not show the normal feelings that most people show towards the ones that they care about, but I know that he cares about me. If he didnt care, he wouldnt bother calling me. Its honestly one of the worst feelings knowing that your best friend in the world is sitting there making fun of you and getting annoyed by the fact that you are in a complete state of happiness when you talk to the one person you care about. It really makes me wonder why she is the one person I confide in the most. Speaking of her, she is in this relationship with a boy whom I adore as a friend. He is so much fun to be around, but he is here all the time. I turn around and he is always there. I never get to sleep in my own room, I am constantly forgotten about or simply not included in activities that she would normally include me in, and to top it all off, the relationship is not even healthy. I find it ironic that she gets mad at me when I talk to Richie, and feels that she can make whatever assumptions or claims about my relationship with him, but when I make the smallest remark about her and her boyfriend, she flips out. It doesn't seem all that fair to me. But then again, what is fair?  Is it fair that I want to be with someone that I can't have anymore? No its not fair, but thats the way that it will be. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever get a break; If maybe one day I'll get lucky and things will turn out the way I wanted them to, or if maybe Richie will wake up one day and decide that he wants to be with me and not with the girl he is with right now. Sometimes I wonder if my relationship with my mom will ever improve. She and I couldn't possibly be more different than we are. I can't even believe that I am her child sometimes. She acts so much like a child. If she doesn't get her way she mopes and she has to put me down to make herself feel better. She denies having made my sister depressed throughout her late childhood and early adultood. I think that its the subtle remarks about my figure, my study habits, my relationships that make me so mad at her. I want to tell her how I feel but she will retaliate and take something away from me that I need. She always used to do that in high school. If I told her what was on my mind, she would take away my car, or my privileges to stay out late. I can never win. Its either   give up my priviliges   or keep my mouth shut. It is a lose lose situation. I just miss Richie so much. That could be the root of all my unhappiness. My mom, and suitemate could all just be elements of my sadness due to my distance away from him. He called me today. Ironically I was lying in bed thinking about him, when the phone rang. It felt so good to see his name on my cell phone when i looked at it.