our world is pretty fucked up. I've been watching and reading the news lately, and that is the only thing my mind is consumed with. well not the only thing, but almost the only thing. the world has enough problems with natural disasters, why do we have to create more disasters for ourselves. between hurricane Frances and soon to be hurricane Ivan, why do we need Chechen rebels, and radical terrorists, and radical governmental regimes to make things worse. why is it that people can't seem to answer to the moral code everyone knows in the heart to be right. be it a Christian, a Muslim, or an atheist, every person on this earth knows the difference between right and wrong. so why is that not only do terrible things like this happen, but also, others make excuses about it too?  "they're religious. they're unstable. they're on medication. they've had a hard life. man fuck that. people need to first take responsibility for their actions, and secondly they need to realize that what is right is right and what's wrong is wrong. I don't understand this blur of morals and truth. how have we allowed this world to sink to a level where the average human being doesn't know the difference between right and wrong?  I suppose I'll get off my soap box now, I just can't fathom the world getting worse, and yet I know that tomorrow, will be even just a little bit worse than today. the only thing I can do is try and change my own actions, my own beliefs, and hopefully lead by example. so I was just reading bush has tried cocaine, while bush senior was president. ha. that makes me laugh, I say more power to bush, he says he's clean, I believe him, I don't think his past should be this big of an issue, especially when he is running against john Kerry. I don't even want to vote, but I feel its my duty. so who am I going to vote for?  its like picking the lesser of two evils?  and which one is lesser of a SOB than the other one?  man I don't know. I suppose I'll vote for bush, being that this is Texas. but I don't know if I'd feel right about that. maybe I'll just write in a vote. I mean I know all of Texas electoral votes are going to bush so does it even matter?  maybe I'll run for president one day?  naw, I doubt it, I'm not moderate enough. not that I'm a radical, just that I don't think I could say things to appease one person or another. I have my beliefs and damn it, I'm sticking to 'them. that doesn't mean I'm not open to listening and even changing them based on solid arguments, but I'm not going to change them based simply on needing more votes, that's a fucked up way of doing business. this feels good by the way. I'm sitting at a coffee shop and there are two frat daddies in front of me, they're very loud and annoying. I kind of want to say something to them, but then again they're very large men, and, since I'm making snap judgments, they're probably alpha males who would want to fight me. so I'll just let them be. my friend broke up with her boyfriend recently. they're a couple years older than me, and I'm pretty sure he wanted to marry her. she dumped him because she didn't feel ready for that and needs time to get her life together. I can understand and appreciate where she's coming from, but he was tore up about it. anyway, they're here and talking about stuff, I can tell things are getting intense. I didn't even know they were going to be here, and technically I was here first so I suppose they invaded my space but its no big deal. she will probably start crying soon, and he will just shake his head because he doesn't know what to do. man, I feel sorry for them both. he just wants to love her, be there for her. and she doesn't want to hurt him, but she has no choice, she isn't in the same place he is. love is a funny thing. love is a fucked up thing too. I've only been in love once. and I've fallen out of love once. its a painful process. but then again, I wouldn't replace it. it was a profitable, great, shitty, learning experience, one that I can completely support. so why is it that humans love?  or choose to love?  or choose not to love?  I'd like to be able to love someone again, that's a good feeling. to be able to call someone and just talk to them. see how their day was, what they've been up to, and to know that they wanted to talk to you, and ask you about those same things. I wonder what my wife will be like?  I wonder when I'll meet her. my brother and his girlfriend are close to getting married I think. I may be wrong, but I doubt it. I think they're both in a place where they're ready to commit for the long haul. that's kind of scary. hey, my brother is going to be married forever. I'm going to have a sister in law. maybe I'll be an aunt or uncle soon. now that is really weird. its crazy how time moves. I feel like graduation was a long time ago, but at the same time I feel like I still think and act like a 6th grader. oh 6th grade, those were good days. I thought I was the coolest kid in the world. and at the time, I may have been right. I was one cool 6th grader. it rained today. I love the rain, its so refreshing, so new, so clean, so pure. it makes me appreciate the day that much more. I've spent a total of almost 7 hours at this coffee shop today. reading, writing, talking, thinking, listening, all things I can support 100% though, so it hasn't been a wasted day in the least. I ate at freebirds today too, that was so good. I'd say the feeling I have after I eat freebirds is one of the closest feelings I'll ever have to being completely content, lacking absolutely nothing in the world. because when I've finished freebirds, I don't even desire love, because I am so full and content I don't need anything else. its a good feeling. I'm thinking about what I'm thinking about writing. if that makes sense. it is supposed to be stream of consciousness, and I'm working on that, but I think that I'm thinking too much about it. I've had pretty streaming thoughts up to this point, now I'm thinking too hard about writing something. its ok though, because I only have like 15 seconds left. maybe I'll eat cookies later tonight, I bet those will good