wow I really need to shower but I'm going to go work out later so that is ok. maybe tim will come and abbey and mike, they would be so cute. I don't know though but I'm glad tim called me yesterday. the flowers aunt michelle sent me are getting old where should I put them, I guess in the waste basket thing by the stairs. I wish I could use those but every time I go down for lunch you can't get in from that staircase, its annoying. I'm really hungry. I was not supposed to eat the snickers and kit kats but I mean I practically had vegetables for lunch so its ok, plus its the weekend soon and I don't want to waste it. I forgot to go draw my tickets, I never know when to go. I should look it up soon but I can't go now because sunny and abbey have not given me their IDs and its probably too late anyway. and lets see only like an hour till psychology, I want to sleep but ate the candy so I'd stay awake and its working I mean I'm a little tired but not too much. I went to bed around like 1 last night but I wanted to study more, but my roommate was sleeping and she gets mad or annoyed sometimes when I turn on the light, like its a spotlight on her or something. anyway kinda pisses me off and I have to do everything in the dark which takes forever, I have to brush my teeth, take my pills, do my nose drops, lots of stuff. and then she wakes up really early - well she had a class, but she didn't wake up to her alarm and I did. and then when she left it went off again and I still had an hour to sleep before I had to get up to get dressed. it was cool though. my room is nice and clean now, the maid lady came because she forgot to come yesterday. I can't really do this if my roommate is in here, oh well. she is about to come in, I hope I can focus! this is really hard to think of things to say because I have never really paid attention to my stream of consciousness. I don't know if I'll be able to draw my tickets tomorrow because my classes are in the morning and I don't know what time it closes. probably all sold out anyway, so many people here. but its funny because I'm not meeting as many people as I'd like to, but I have only gone to like one frat so. I'm glad I met tim though, that was kind of random and he is really cute. and abbey seems to like mike, who really likes her, and they would be cute too. but abbeys is either changing a lot or living a lie, she goes to frats like 4 times a week, its crazy. and I have been friends wither her for like 10 years so I know she procrastinates so I hope she gets her work done. I don't think she is though because she always says she has hw and then leaves to go party or something, whatever though. we might go get coffee later at barnes n noble, its such a far walk. I don't need coffee either but I think abbey thinks I'm mad at her so I'm going to go anyway and just study I guess. I mean I knew college was a lot of studying but I didn't think it'd be this much. maybe because I'm such a slow reader. I only read about 20 pages per hour. and in the textbook its only 10 per hour. its so slow and so many pages. I finally finished the psychology homework like 2 hours ago, it was sort of interesting but I hope the next chapters are better. I don't think I'm retaining anything. which is bad because I read for so long that you'd think I'd be learning it. I get psychology confused with philosophy and then can't seem to remember either of them. but in class I listen and I get it, then after I try to think about it and all my classes run together. yesterday was especially bad because I got my first grade on a calculus homework assignment. I made a 71 and it really pissed me off because I worked so hard and asked the teacher assistant for help but he gave me the wrong answer and I trusted it. he also didn't do some examples on the board correctly, which made me get another one wrong. today he was all ?oops? yeah it made me mad. but oh well I can drop it according to the syllabus that I don't have printed out. I hope whoever reads this does not think I'm a psycho or anything, or can't spell because its either a typo or I just don't spell well. I really am a good student though and I'm really sad about the calculus hw because it was my very first college grade and I have been waiting for all my hard work to pay off, and it sucked. I was in the bathroom at kerby lane and I cried when I told my dad, I always do that. its good that I have bangs now because if I were to cry or not pluck which I need to do, you can't tell that much. I'm funny about crying, I do it when something really touches my heart, which is kind of often I guess. but pain wise I'm pretty tough, I played basketball for so long. I'm so accident or injury prone. I swear I always get hurt. at the football game that hurt so much when I stepped on that glass I think there was still some in my foot but beth said there was not. it does not hurt anymore so that is alright. I just hope everything goes well for me I mean I really wanted a 4. 0 gpa but now I'm scared. maybe being scared will hinder my performance, so ill stop worrying about it and just trust that I'm smart enough. twenty minutes is almost up.