I feel good about hanging out with different people throughout the day. I find that it gets so monotonous when I see the same person day in and day out. I don't like feeling trapped in a relationship, so I guess I am very wary of commitment, although I wouldn't mind starting a relationship with someone. I miss the physical contact of a relationship. Maybe I haven't been getting enough hugs lately. I haven't had one for about a week now. It does make a difference. You have to fend for yourself here at UT. No one is going to be your babysitter, and sometimes that's hard for me to accept. I have to take care of my own health, academic career, make my own friends and spend time with them, and also join organizations that I deem worthwhile. It seems like a lot of responsibility, but I am gradually learning how to handle it. I have never realized before how incredibly independent I am. I am in fact, lonely a lot more than I thought I was. At home I didn't feel it as much because I lived with four other people. But now, I notice that I get timid when I am alone. I didn't have a roommate for 2 weeks, and I thought I would like it because I would get privacy and free reign over the room. But I didn't realize how anxious being alone made me. I started eating a lot to fill the void. I never could figure out why I binged so much before, especially during high school. But now I think that I felt alone, and I was ashamed to ask someone to be my company. So I would eat to fill the lonely space and cover the shame. That's weird how I wanted to be even more alone when I felt isolated. Now I want to get involved with people as much as possible since I have recognized the problem. Liz and I will try to hang out more now, at least once a week. I want to have my meals with at least one other person. It sucks to be alone, but at least I know that now. I have ten minutes to write. Working out sure refreshes you and makes you feel more alive, but it sure does make you tired. It's also my blood sugarit's a tad low now and I will be eating something for lunch soon. I don't want to eat alone! Maybe Brooke will eat w/me. I wonder what Jason's up to now. He had an 8:00 class this morningI think? We spent some time with each other this weekend, which was a lot of fun. I like being around him because he is so patient and has some good things to say. He's also very open about himself, which is a new thing for me. I don't know if I would want to start something with him. It would be a fun thing and add some "extra" to the relationship, but sometimes it makes things weird and I would not want to lose his friendship. I will just keep on doing my thing, and improving myself and if it happens, it happens. I just want to be able to spend some time with him! I know I will though. There is that Navigator lake house bash this weekend that he told me about, and I think I should go. I don't want to know what I look like in my bathing suit right now. hard workouts this week should help. Will I feel pressured a lot about GodI just don't know if I'm on the right track. I read that the best way to get closer to God is to Spend time with Him. I so don't do that. I think about God about once or twice a day. I've also heard that the good things we do are reflections of God working in us, or something. I try to remember to do those little things: hold the door for people, smile, encourage people, be honest, but also don't try to be fake friendly, because it's not in anyone's good interest. I just want to be me. God I know that you know the best way for me, don't let me be so selfabsorbed. If I just let go a little, I can go a long way with YOU. But my gosh it's hard to let go. Let me see the ways I can let go. I'm going to go get something to eat for lunch.