It is late, and I know I should have started this earlier tonight, but I procrastinate. I wonder if the perfect guy for me is out there somewhere and thinking about me right now and I do not even know. I just put to rest my last relationship. Too bad I messed things up with a great guy for a guy who treats me badly even though I love the guy who treats me badly. I hate that he is in my head every day, every minute. I tell people I have put him out of my life, but is he really? Every time I say that he comes back into my life and I love him even more than I did the time before. I hope that God is up there on his thrown writing down in my life book that I will meet my perfect mate tomorrow and when I do I will just know that he is the one for me. I would get married at a young age if it was the right guy and he asked me to marry him. I hate when my stepmother tells me I should wait until I have lived alone for a few years before I get married. Just because that is what she did does not mean that it is what I should do. Every person is different and I should follow my heart. I'm quite scared though because my mom did not have good luck with finding a wonderful man to share her life with. I mean, my dad cheated on her and my stepfather beat her. I hope it is not genetic. I don't know if I am willing to stand out in the heat tomorrow and Thursday to draw for football tickets. I want to see the OU game, but I really want to see it from the comforts of my home. Plus, I do not have a date and everyone else will and I will feel out of place. My roommate is with her boyfriend. I am jealous of her because she has a great boyfriend and I want one too. I spotted this goodlooking guy in my philosophy discussion group and I would like to get to know him more. I have emailed him though and he hasn't emailed me back. I think that I saw him tonight while I was walking down the street, but I did not want to stare, so I could not get a very good look. I am looking forward to getting married and waking up in the same arms every morning. I even have everything for my perfect wedding planned out. I want to get married on the same day my grandparents did and I want to have a big orchestra playing my favorite slow songs. I wish that I would be walking down the aisle to Ryan, but he does not want me. If he did I would be the happiest girl in the world. He makes me feel like a princess when I am with him and he is treating me right. I only wish that one day he will open his eyes and realize what he gave up because he said he wanted to be "free". I guess I did mess things up with him though because I lied to another guy. I was just so confused this summer and I did not know what I wanted if I could not have Ryan. He would be my first choice over any guy in the world and it should not be like that because he hurts me so many times too. I just loved being with him. I wondered if my grandparents knew that they would be together for so long when they were married fiftyseven years ago. I think that is so special and I would thank God every day if I had that same thing happen to me. I am thirsty, but I am too lazy to get up right now. I hope that I can get my two friends together soon. It is weird that the guy that is like my brother now is the first boy I ever kissed. It was so long ago though. Who would have thought that he and I would be so close now that it would be like we were brother and sister?