I'm very tired right now. I know that I have not been getting the amount of sleep that I need. Is this how college is all the time?  Over this past weekend, I realized that I am beginning to get very homesick. I really miss my family, friends, and my dog. I started crying when I was on the phone with my brother earlier today. School is getting stressful, especially with band. I got a letter today saying I needed to work more on my routines. I don't know what to do. I've already put off so much, and gotten behind because of band. I practice and try to keep up with my studies. I think I really need to focus myself a little more. Sometimes I think it is the new freedom that is causing this. I know what I need to do, I just need to get motivated to do them. I also need to learn how to not procrastinate. I've been thinking a lot about Andrew lately, and about the church. I'm still so indecisive about what to do. Sometimes I think that I believe and sometimes I think that I'm really not sure. Now I'm thinking about death. I don't think there is anything I fear more than that, and what's sad is I know that everyone must pass through it. It terrifies me. I would never take my own life. I'm too scared of what's after, and I love my life to much. Even with all of the stress I still find things interesting. I am still proud of the things I have achieved. I have very high goals for myself and I am so excited about the future. There are so many things to look forward too. Why do people get depressed?  I've never been one to be truly unhappy. Even when there are times I said I was depressed" I never really was. It makes me sad to think that people can get so down about themselves. I was talking to Chris yesterday, and reading his online journal thing. It made me want to cry. I don't see how he thinks he will never find the right person, or be successful in life. He is such a wonderful person, and has so many things going for him. Why don't people see that? Why can't they see that even with all of the bad in the world there is still good?  You know that makes me think. I am so obsessed with my life and what I do and the people I know. I think that everyone is just as worried about their life and their friends and family as I am. We all live in our own world, in our own bubble, our own space. I think that this assignment is pretty cool. I actually do this quite often. Just start writing things down. Oh man!  I just thought of what I was writing last week, about the first football game. I don't think I could ever described the rush when I marched through that tunnel. It was so crazy with over 80,000 people there in one place. watching the band march in. I had the room to myself this weekend. My roommate went out of town. It was nice. I love being with people and being with my friends, but I also really enjoy my quite time and my personal time. My roommate is really nice. I feel I've been blessed because we get along so well. I haven't met as many people as I thought I was going to meet up here. well. I guess I have met people, but I haven't made as many friends as I thought. Friendships just take time though. I really wish Michelle was here. I miss her. I was so glad we worked everything out before we went our separate ways. She is always been such a great friend. I respect her so much. I don't know what I would do with myself if it had been my mom. That is another one of my big fears. losing a loved one. When Michelle's mom died so suddenly a couple of years ago we were all so shocked. I don't think there was one of us that didn't give our own Mom's huge hugs the day we found out. I was so upset, and Michelle had me call everyone and tell them. That was so hard. So many people thought it was a cruel joke. Why do people do that?  Go into denial. I guess I would have if somebody had called me and told me that. That was two years ago. Time flies so fast. It doesn't even seem like two years. Only like yesterday. Sometimes I wish we could just freeze time. During those special moments or the happiest time. just make time stop. even if it just added and extra minute, I think it would be nice. Oh look, my time is almost up.