Well, I figured I should write this right now while I have time. I am really busy lately. It kind of seems like I have no time for myself anymore. I am trying out for crew. There are a lot of people trying out though. I think like 130 people are going for 32 spots. I hope I make it though because I don't deal well with failure. I tried out for the soccer team and did not make it, but that was a little unfair because I did not know the work out to prepare for and everyone else did. So now everyone probably thinks I just wasn't good enough when that really was not the reason. I was just too exhausted after running to play with any skill. Oh well. I guess it taught me how to cope with failure. But it really hurts every time I fail. I tried to get into the business school and was denied. That got me so mad. There are all of these total morons in the business school. I know because I take classes with them and always make better grades than them. But alas, they can do what they want with their lives they entered right out of high school. Oh well. I am still going pre-law so it doesn't matter. Unfortunately my roommate and a lot of my friends are in it, so it is a constant reminder that I did not get in. But I think that all of this just makes me a stronger person. I am trying to be really involved this year. I am lifeguarding for the rec center. It is kind of fun, but I kind of dread going to work all the time. I just seem to have a lot of things on my plate. I had a fight with my boyfriend the other day. I am not sure if it was his fault or if I caused it because of all the stress I am under. Oh well. I think that things have really changed between me and my roommate too. Last year we used to be like best friends, but now things are different. She seems to be really distant. I am not sure what is wrong with her. Maybe it is my fault. I am not around as much as I used to be, so maybe she just wants more attention and is finding it elsewhere. She also has a boyfriend, so she spends a lot of time with him, which is fine with me. I just feel like things have totally changed. She went to a party last night and didn't invite me. Weird. I think I am really different from most people. I always seem to put everyone else's feelings before mine. I just don't understand why people don't do that. Or maybe I don't understand why I do that. Like, I would invite everyone to come with me if I was doing something cool. But all the people around me just I think are selfish. Maybe I just need to find a whole new group of friends. I mean, I had my first day of tryouts for crew, which was a pretty big deal to me. And when I see my boyfriend, he doesn't even ask how I did. He totally forgot about it. That gets me so mad. He seems to forget about everything. He then says how he is a bad boyfriend. Unfortunately, I have to agree with him. But don't get the wrong impression of me. I am actually a very happy person. I am just going through a lull right now. Once I get into a normal routine in my life I think I will be a lot happier. I just wish that my family was here. My parents live in Virginia, and it is hard with them so far away. At least my brother is here with me. That makes it a lot easier. I don't know what I would do if he wasn't here. I never realized how dependent I was on other people. I always thought of myself as a kind of loner, but I guess I really am not. I like being around people, and maybe I do get jealous when they do not choose to be with me. I think I really need to work on the jealousy thing. That is probably why I am having problems with my boyfriend. He finally made some friends here, so he hangs out with them. I think I also don't really trust him. I don't want him sharing intimate things about us to them. He was asking me the other day why I back away from intimacy and am afraid to talk about it. I just don't like talking about it. I consider it a private thing, and should just be shared between two people. It is nobody else's business. But I guess since we are in college, that is the way things are. Sex is on everyone's mind. But it just doesn't really seem to be on my mind very much. I would much rather just cuddle that have sex. Maybe I am weird, I don't know. But that drives my boyfriend crazy. He want's to have sex all the time. I think that is a major problem in our relationship. Oh well. Well, I guess my time is about up. I now have to go to crew again. I should do good today because it is strength training. I am pretty confident about that. Well, I guess I only have one more of these to write. That relieves some of my stress. Actually this was pretty cool doing this. I could just write down what I have been keeping inside. Pretty neat.