yeah so i really don't want to be doing this but oh well. i really actually enjoy the psych class though sometimes i wonder how exactly anyone can figure out what a person is thinking. who came up with those experiments in the first place. im so relaxed right now cause i just got back from having a one hour massage. it was kind of weird at first cause i had never had one before but after like 10 min i was asleep. i so needed a massage, and i always seem to be tired even though i feel i get plenty of sleep. i don't think im typing as fast as i should be because there is this little voice saying you mispelled a word, go back and correct it. i guess that means i don't know if im actually completing the exercise correctly. but he never did list whether things had to be grammarically correct. i feel that im like this never ending jutebox that won't stop talking. right now im typing like those really annoying people that you never want to listen to that you are just like SHUT UP. haha. yeah so i have alot of stuff on my mind lately. i would like to actually call this my vent session because i have all this stuff in my mind thats just really been bugging me and i can't tell anyone because my best friend is so far up my roommates butt, because they are boyfriend and girlfriend, that i can say how i REALLY feel. my roommate can be such a jerk sometimes. and he does the stupidest things that just totally piss me off. like this one time i got back home from houston and he was like its your turn to buy the groceries. but i was the one that bought eighty-eight dollars in food when he only bought thirty. he was like well I've finally caught up with you now and I've spent one hundred and eighty. and im thinking, well jeez im sorry to put you out but i barely ever eat. i swear he eats like there is no tomorrow and i think that I've narrowed it down to how many times he eats a day. like 5!  it just really pisses me off. and he tells ME how i do nothing. im not the one who has tuesday and thursday off. not only that he sleep all freakin day. hes SO LAZY. i just want to say to him, hey im not the one that spends 50 freakin dollars on the lunch meat you pick out and watch them cut. come on and give me a freakin break. on top of the whole grocery issue, my parents have ME on a strict budget and so i can't spend all that much money. he goes out and buys a three hundred dollar tv because he feels like it. what can you say to that. his dad is working his butt off to pay for all the crap my roommate uses. dang the phone is ringing now and i can't concentrate anymore on what i was saying. anyways. yeah so i just want to be like, why don't you get off your lazy, pardon my language ass, and get a freakin job and stop mooching off of all your daddy's money. its not like his parents are rich either, he just thinks he is. on top of that he is sooo vain. everything on him and around him is so perfect. sometimes i wonder if hes a girl at heart or if he just LOVES looking at himself in the mirror.   god if only i was brave enough to tell him how i really feel. it wouldn't be so bad except for the fact is that its my freaking apartment too and my best friend, though i love her to death, is living with us. its like nightmare that never ends. you know those feelings when you are a third wheel and you just want to get the hell out? can you imagine it like 24/7. its horrible. it just makes you want to crawl in a hole and die. come on i pay for the freaking apartment the least she could do is STOP mooching off of us and possibly go home?  jeez.  on the topic of being a third wheel. i have this issue with two guys. im seeing this guy in houston that i like alot since my last boyfriend who totally broke my heart. lets say the guy im dating now is bob, and my ex is paul. so bob is like so sweet and hes alot older than me and i miss him a whole lot. at the same time paul who NOW goes to school with me, the reason we broke up is a long story, well we are becoming good friends. i never expected the thing with bob to actually happen over the summer and so now i have this like guy who i don't know exactly what we are but is considered a long distance relationship. bob has been nothing but sweet to me and i love him,  actually wait another thing he doesn't want me to tell him that i love him either. i mean maybe i do and maybe i don't. so yeah, me and paul have become best friends again after our whole breakup and his cheating on me with the girlfriend he had, but then calling me to tell me two weeks before school started back up that he had broken up with her. come on now, i haven't talken to paul in like forever then he calls me to tell me hes broken up with his girl friend. strange yes. but I've told myself that I've gotten over with him after being his girlfriend for two and half years. thats a long time to spend on one person. so yeah he came over yesterday to hang out with me while i was waiting for the time warner roadrunner dudes to come over and me and paul started watching a movie together. he started getting closer and closer to me but i was like woah arent we just friends. so i get up to get a drink, come back to my room and lay down on my bed. paul sits on my back and starts giving me a   friendly back massage   and all the while i was thinking that i really miss him and that i wouldn't mind getting back together with him. at this time bob hadn't called me since sunday night and i was getting really worried. so i started relaxing and having a good ole time with paul. later that night bob calls and hes like hey sweetie, i miss you and im sorry i haven't called you but I've been really busy and i tried sending you and email but it didn't work. yeah so now im caught in this situation that i can't seem to get out of or fig ure out. should i go after my ex that is here in austin. or should i go after bob whose been nothing but sweet to me, but is back home. i don't know what  i should do. and on top of all of this im sorta lonely, and i have alot of school work to take care and if i WANT a social life that not only that i can't seem to find ,and i have to work. i think that im slowly going insaine and this is too much things to think about for a person at my age. woah so yeah im going to stop now cause I've actually typed past the twenty min but i kind of feel better though