so I'm sitting here. I don't know what to talk about. except for the fact that the latest mars volta cd is amazing. I especially enjoy the way they manipulate the texture of the music. its panned all different kinds of ways to where if you're listening to it in a portable cd player or anything that has a distinct sound system you can notice all these minute details that they have injected in there. any other way would require you to have incredibly sharp hearing sense. I can't believe I have a kitten now. my mom told me to take care of it and get a job to support it. I just laughed at that. is it getting hot in here? I swear. one second I'm cold and the next I'm burning up. and for some reason I'm having a hard time typing right now. I think its because of the temperature. that and lack of knowledge of what to say. my cat is crawling up my leg and meowing right now. I wonder what it is that she wants. I wonder why the mars volta decided to say now I'm lost" as the most definitive part of the chorus. its pretty great anyways. aww. the cat wants to snuggle in my lap. too cute. I'm going to have to do so much reading tonight. sheish. so many classes and concepts to keep up with. something smells like kitty litter. uggg. kitten. she needs to stop biting me. ahh. she is going to tear my sweater. that is my favorite sweater! I've been everywhere and through everything in this black sweater. I started out with it during my emo days of high school and then grew up wearing it. good times and bad, I've worn this sweater. man. I can't wait until I have my interview with saul williams. its going to be so rad. I can't wait to do research on him so that I can know about every little detail to talk about. hold on. I need to take the sweater off. great. right when I decide to do that the air conditioning decides to come on. just my luck, it always works out this way. I wonder if I could ever get my poetry published. it would be amazing to claim that I wrote a book or compiled just a whole bunch of all the poetry I've written. sometimes I get paranoid that someone's going to copy and steal it since I have it online. not a good idea rola. boy I really like this song. I wish I could write songs this amazing. I just wish my band didn't decide to split. they did it and didn't tell me. lead singer slash guitar player is the last to find out. really genuine folks. that is how life decides to roll the dice though. man, that party after the mars volta showithsaul williams interview is going to be killer. that is, if anyone decides to drive 3 hours and spend the weekend here. hopefully they will. that would be crazy. I need a band again. we need to get our dang cd mastered already so that I can play it on the radio. I need to remember to get one of joey's cds when I'm back in irving so that I can get them to play that on the radio. man, I really hope he gets signed soon. he is so talented and puts so much effort into everything he does. it just feels like he gets nothing out of everything. all the sacrifices he makes and all the time he spends, and he just ends up getting screwed over by life in the end. I wish I could make everything better. I wish I were a magic fairy who could wave a magic wand and make all of his dreams come true so that he wouldn't have to worry about anything ever again. I wish I could do that for anyone. I could pick who's deserving or not. that wouldn't be fair though since I wouldn't be deserving of making such decisions myself. dang I'm so philosophical. good thing that is my major. uh oh. I told a psychology write-up that I'm a philosophy major. I'm assured to fail now. eh. I'm so tired. I wish I could get more sleep. it was pretty nice to talk about depression today. hah. I used to be depressed. severely. I'm so glad that all of that is in the past. its nice to look back and learn about yourself. I'm such a changed person. and I keep changing. and I keep analyzing myself and noticing different things about myself from day to day that surprise me and don't surprise me. I wish more people at school knew me. I've always been the person to walk the halls and have everyone know my name but me not know anyone else's name. that is my deal. people would know me. it sucks that this college can't be like that. what? in like fifty five thousand people? you're lucky if you find your own hand in that many people. the buses are so annoying. everytime I walk up to the dang bus stop and stand in front of the doors it just leaves without me. like it knows when I'm about to come so that it can leave. that is how the buses here in austin know when its time to leave the stop. they just see me coming and its the all-time cue. that is what they teach the new bus drivers in training. if they ask "so when do we leave?" they say "when rola comes. " my head itches. press the "finish" button when you're done. twenty dang minutes is a long ace time to keep writing nothingness. its all good in the hood, I have like less than 6 minutes to go. w00t! you know. it seriously sucks that people suck. I wish people could be a whole lot nicer than they are. but what is nice anyways? gosh. we can go all philosophy on that as it is. spend like an hour and a year on that subject alone. screw it. I'm not in the mood to analyze anything. I'm just so tired. and that kitten won't quit messing with the blinds. if only I could stop typing this, get up, and stop that. she is making the blind strings look like snakes from where I'm sitting. and now the string is caught in her paw. just great. its like I'm babysitting. no, it feels like I'm a mom now. just more and more responsibility for me. but she is so cute that its worth it. man. I wish I could play an amazing guitar riff like the one I'm hearing right now. I miss playing music a lot every week. I miss being on stage. gosh I wish I had that feeling right now. ultimate bliss. no! instead I'm sitting here typing this stupid thing so that I can get credit in psychology. I better make a freaking A in this class or I'll be so pissed it will be the end of the world and destiny at the same time. if anyone read what I'm typing right now. I'm sure they would pee in their pants from how afraid they would be that a person like me exists. they're probably getting a lot weirder responses than this though. right? RIGHT? less than one minute and I'm a free-bird! and that is not a pun! whoever yells to play that at shows. dude. you're so behind on the times! that is like the oldest thing to say ever. you're just joining the masses when you submit to saying that at every show you go to. tradition or not.