I am almost five hundred miles from home, and I don't know anyone here. I'm not sure that what I feel is loneliness because I'm constantly surrounded by people here at the dorm, but I just don't feel at home here yet. People here are very nice, and I know everyone else is in the same position as I am in, but I really feel that this place isn't for me. I really want to go home so I can be around the people I grew up with and feel at home with. I have many regrets about coming here away from all my friends and family, but then again, I realize that UT is a great school, and my educational background will be greatly benefited. I suppose it's worth the sacrifices in the long scheme of things. Maybe it is better for me to be here away from everyone else, as it should help me become much more independent and learn how to function alone. I've already learned a lot in the week since I've been here, and I feel that I've grown up a lot. I've had to do everything for myself, and force myself to go out and meet new people. My trust issue has become worse here, however, because I used to trust almost everyone, and now, I'm not sure who to trust and who not to trust. I know that if I can just stick it out for a while that I'll grow to love this place because I love learning and new experiences, and I'm definitely going to get both of those things here at UT. I can always transfer back home next semester if I don't adjust here well. I love the people here because they all seem so friendly. I do feel that I'll eventually make many new friends and this place will seem like home. I cannot sleep or eat here yet. I think it's just the adjustment phase. I have nightmares when I try to sleep, so I've grown accustomed to very few hours of sleep each week. I have no appetite, and every time I try to eat, I get this very sick feeling. I'm seriously hoping both of these feelings will go away soon. Maybe that is just due to being homesick and not being in a place where I feel comfortable yet. I want to go home for the long weekend, but I think that will make it much harder when I come back. I don't think I'll want to leave my home again to return here. Maybe it's just the people I left behind that I miss, but I think mostly it's always knowing someone everywhere I go there that makes me feel comfortable back in my hometown. On top of these things, my ex-boyfriend calls often here, and that makes it very difficult. We're still best friends and tell each other everything. The only reason we're not together now is because of our different college choices, and talking to him makes me want to return home even more. We do plan to get back together as soon as we graduate, but that's a long time from now, and not seeing him often is going to be very hard for me. I've known him for 13 years and relied upon him for everything. I went out with someone else this past weekend, and I felt very bad for it. Even though we're not together, I know that he's the one I want, and I wonder if it's wrong to even date other people if I know I still love him and always will. It's made me feel bad when I talk to him, and I even told him about it. He says it will all be ok, but I just don't know. I'm so confused. There isn't a simple answer to anything I try to do here, and everything I do seems to have some kind of drawback to it. Maybe if I sink myself into my studies, I will not forget, but maybe set aside the hurt that I feel right now. I think I should give that a try, and maybe start a rigorous exercise program so that I will be more tired at night, which might make me get some more rest and increase my appetite a little bit. Maybe I should try to get out of this building. It seems very cold and uninviting, and I think another place might be better for me. Well, I know that with my faith in God that everything will work out for the best if I just put my complete effort into it. It's all for the best!