In the past I have always had a set of instructions to follow. On well, here goes. I guess that right now I was back, at the beginning of summer, sitting in my room in El Paso, Texas. This summer was really good. I got to go home and talk with my friends. In addition, I was able to do work and get my history requirement fulfilled. Everyone wants me to go out and get a job. That's okay with me, but I don't really know how to go about getting a good job. You see, I feel that with almost 60 hrs of credit, I should be able to get a decent job. One guy I know is making over 50,000, and he isn't even out of college. I guess it's just easier for some people and not for others. I promised everyone that I would get an internship with a company next summer. That's kind of cool, but it is going to be a completely new experience. I guess I could call up some of my friends who have parents in business and ask them to see if I could get a job with them, but that just wouldn't be good. I want to be able to say, "here is what I did, and I did it all by myself. " I know that it's natural to want to get out from under your parent's wing, but it just seems to me that it takes forever. I have been blessed, though. I have done well in school, and fortunately I have a comfortable place to live, food to eat, and clothes to wear. Sometimes it bothers me that I am more preoccupied with which movie I am going to go see this weekend than with more substantive subjects. There are people in this earth who can't even find enough to eat. wow, this is really getting deep. I don't want this to become a "dear Abby" kind of assignment, so I guess the best thing to do is to change the subject. I am mildly interested in why this assignment was assigned. I have a certain hesitation when I deal with psychologists and people who are interested in psychology because I always feel like everything I do or say is being evaluated, and that bothers me. Well, I can hear my neighbors (they just turned up their stereo system. )Back to the subject at hand. I am not nearly so stressed this semester like I was last year. I guess that's pretty cool because I am adjusting to the whole college thing pretty well. At least now I know what is going on with this school, this city, and everything else in my life. I by no means have everything figured out, but at least I am not as clueless as I was last year. It is interesting to look around and see the freshman, with the look of panic in their eyes and realize that I was in the exact same predicament a year ago. Since the brother of a friend of mine just moved to Austin and started attending graduate school in engineering, I feel a certain obligation to help him. It is awful to be in the exact same situation without anyone to help. Anyway, the guy is really cool, and I think that a really good friendship will develop. Friendship is something that there is never enough of. Money can't buy good friends, and even though people will try to replace friends with artificial benefits, it just never works. I used to know a man who had loads of money. This guy was really wealthy, but he was never happy. However, if you ever asked him how he was doing, he would never admit that he was unhappy. I guess that is really sad. To be miserable is one thing, but to be miserable and not really know it is something completely different. I think that it is possible to elevate your situation if you are miserable, but I also believe that it constitutes knowing that you are miserable. Rrahhh, my neighbors just turned down their stereo system. Thank God for the little things! I don't really understand why people are always claiming they are depressed. I've been through periods when I feel down, but all I ever do is call my friends, turn on the television to a program I like, go work out, or a host of other things to elevate that situation. I don't believe that 10% of Americans need to be on Prozac, or some other drug which makes you feel better. Oh, well. I guess the only thing that I can do is change my own destiny. Even though it scares me, it is kind of cool. I see so many people who are in a rut, and it makes me feel like their lives are hopeless. I know that changing is hard. I don't really like to change. However, it always seems that when I do, it is for the better. Of course, there are those times when you change, and it proves to be a change for the worse. That only goes to reinforce your opinion that changing is wrong and you shouldn't do it. I believe that a person should experience all the things life has to offer at least once. That way they can say that they've done it. In addition, they'll know what it is. You know, I always feel awkward when I am in a conversation that turns stale. (I. e. the kind of conversation where no one really knows what to say. ) That really is bad. It seems like I have been in too many of those type of situations. I don't really know what the future has in store for me, but I am both excited and apprehensive. It is easy to look back on my past and think that those days were the glory days when everything was easy. Unfortunately, those days proved to be no different than today. Is that the way it always is? Your memory improves memories as time goes on? If so, I can understand how the past was so alluring and appealing to many people. I know a couple people who only want to reminisce about how good the past was and how awful the present is. That's pretty sad. I think that they need to start living today for what it is worth. That's what I try to do. I guess my 20 minutes are up. This was kind of an interesting experiment, but I am not entirely sure what the results are. I don't really know myself, and I don't know if it is possible to know yourself. There are so many different facets and sides to me that it would drive a person crazy to try to document them. I can't even do it.