I don't like the fact that I'm not sure if I can print stuff in this library. it would be so much more easy if I had my own computer, but oh well sarah is probably getting one in a few days then I can use hers it is so crazy how much things have become computer dependent I never thought that I would have a class that was web-based. but it seems that most of mine are and its kinda good in a way because it is forcing me to actually use the technology thats out there I'm not very computer oriented but I think about one year of college will whip me into shape, speaking of I need to go to the gym, but I'm not sure that ill make it tonight maybe ill call jane and see if she has time to go wiht me. sarah doesn't really work out a lot so I've been doing it by myself it would be a good idea to get one of thoes little hand held recorders and tape my spanish lectures because he lectures entirely in spanish and I understand spanish stuff so much better the second time through that I think it would be a really good idea to tape him and then listen to it while I work out wow its only been five minutes its hard to do stuff like this when you know that tons of homework awaits you and you arent really looking forward to it. I'm so glad we have monday off A&M doesn't' even have this holiday but I guess that they started later than we did. I'm going there this weekend and I can't wait to see my closest friends in all the world because they all went there I'm glad I didnt even though I miss them dearly because I have been forced to meet all kinds of new people and I have met some really nice ones, not as great as my best freinds but then again its only been two weeks they all seem to be sticking together pretty much which I think I s pretty dumb because they are never going to grow up if they don't start spreading there wings so to speak. its kinda funny that I just happened to look at my watch and I have been writing for ten minutes now I always seem to look at it in 5-10-15 minute increments. maybe myu internal clock is really acurate or something. I dunno. I'm really tired right now even though I got a lot of sleep the other night maybe I just need even more. I need more sleep thatn anyone I know I wonder if I get more tired because I convince myself I didnt get enough sleep or if I'm actually really tired. I think I do get really tired becuase it starts to show on my face, I get horrible bags under my eyes and I just look gross. like right now. plus I am totally broken out, more than I have ever been, but I'm hoping that its just the stress from going off to colegio. who knows well see in about a week. why is it that sometimes your face turns red. I hate that so much I feel so exposed when that happens. I can feel it getting hotter and I think that makes me even more self concious which in turn makes mya face even more red. I wonder if people you don't know notice when you blush or is it not as obvious as it seems. i didnt used to blush but now I occasionally do a t really inopportune times . like today when a guy I think is attractive said hi to me I got all flustered. its so stupid I don't even know him and I've convinced myself that we are destined to be together. sometimes I am so unrealistic when it comes to relationships correction I am always unrealistic that is something hard for me to admit to because in admitting that I feel let down. I get really dejected when it comes to guys, and I don't theink that any good ones exist even though I know in theory that isn't true I just havent come accross anyone who has disproved it to me. maybe its because I don't attract the nice guys because I'm sending off a negative vibe that was on oprah the other day. they were saying how can you attract someone if you automatically have a bad attitude about it and think that they couldnt possibly be worhty of you. I dunno. I can't stop thinking all guys are bad just to attract a guy because I think that is the wrong motive for changing my opinion. its like in bridget jones diary she does stuff like that sometimes I remind myself of her except not as extreme. well of course not she was a complete lunatic. I wish my parents were not in ireland right now becasue I would looooovvvveeee to see them this weekend but I can wait I miss them so much I think because we get along so incredibly well its really abnormal I think no one else I know gets along as well with there parents as I do its really cool I thinkwow I went over the 20 minutes who would have guessed thats kinda weird everytime I mentioned the time I said wow. huh