let's see. i love him? maybe. he told me he loved me, well, that he liked falling in love with me. wow. this is new. i love being held by him. i miss him when i'm not with him. i think about him when we're not together. i don't know what to tell him. nothing needs to be said though. we like each other. love may come, develop, whatever. it's a good feeling to know that you are loved, not having family and old friends nearby. he makes me feel like i am at home. now that i do have a new home, up in oklahoma. speaking of which, he said he wanted to come with me when i go up. wonder what the parents will say??? oh well, nich likes him and i know they will too. he's hard not to like. so busy, not enough time. should i stay home this weekend to spend more time with him or is that trying too hard? what's trying to hard though, if my feelings are this strong then it shouldn't matter whether or not i try to be with him. obviously he has the same feelings, he only called me every day like five times in the past couple days since he has been busy with his fraternity business. ahh, the good old fraternities. i wish i would have rushed, but then again i am glad i didn't. there is always next year. wonder if it is more difficult to get in as a sophomore?? we shall see. i mean, i don't think greek life is that important. but aparently to some it is. i guess i need to make more friends that are girls. i really do want to become more involved as well. it's just the whole rushing process that i wouldn't like. the getting all dressed up and basically trying to impress some girls. not to mention the fact it seems like competition. one of my not-so-favorite things. i don't really understand it all. i just couldn't be fake like i know some girls are. why bother? i mean, be who you are if they don't like that, then what on earth are you doing? there's no reason for them not to like me. i can't decide whether it's an acceptance thing or not. i don't think i am scared of being rejected. sure in a sense i am. but i think i would take it better if others didn't have to know. i like the perks with a sorority, they seem fun. a lot of time commitment though. i guess i just think that i would see him more often if i were in a sorority, if not that, then i would be just as busy as he is. i mean, i have lots to do now, probably should be doing even more. but still. it's different. poor erik, i wonder if he is still bitter towards his parents about not letting him pledge. it suprised me when my mom said they would pay for it. does she realize the cost? i know she really wants me to get involved as well though. well, i guess i can just ask casey and lauren and other girls how it is. that is if they can say. blah blah blah. nothing on my mind. oh i wonder if lk got the tickets to the live concert. i want to go. but it's such a hassle to drive to katy and back. plus i would probably miss a few classes. let's see, that friday is my homecoming. haha. won't that be great. very unusual for sure, but it will be fun to see everyone. i wonder if they have changed. i know i have. i mean, i haven't seen these people since may. coming here over the summer was one of the most life-changing experiences. strange enough to say, it is very true. i met so many good friends. i met my baby, who. i love. . yeah about that. we've been   together   for sometime now and he is seeming to settle more or less. which i might add, i thought could never happen. ok, but hold on, we're like 18, no settling allowed. yeah he asked if i would marry him. that was funny, jokingly, luckily. haha. no, funny thought to think about though. marriage. ahh. i really can't wait, no can wait, but i look forward (much better wording) to having a family. i want a happy family and a loving father/ husband. wow, i wonder what guys think about this stuff. i never used to even care about family and husband and future stuff. but since he came along and we've been together. it just makes ya think. good thoughts, nothing too serious. man i love him though. i hope he knows.