I'm kind of frustrated right now with Callie. She just left to go to meeting and she just bothers me. It's like she's annoyed with me but she won't say anything. I hate it when people do that-it's like just tell me what's going on, don't just act nonchalant about it. It pisses me off. It's like she just kind of ignores me all the time. I thought it would be better when she came back this weekend, since we spent time apart, but it's not. Gosh I sound like I'm talking about my boyfriend or something. But nope, it's my roommate. I'm feeling kind of pissed off about a lot of things actually. I ate way too much yesterday which sucked. And I was doing really well about working out here, and now all of a sudden I'm getting lazy. I don't get it at all. I talked to Price last night which made me feel happy and sad at the same time. It usually does when I'm here at school. He always makes me homesick. It just sucks because I was home the entire summer and he just didn't take advantage of it. I tried, I really did, but he didn't really make the effort until like the day before I left. Figures. It's so hard because we both like each other, but there's nothing we can do about it. It is so stupid that we are not in the same grade. I just keep thinking that God does everything for a reason, and that I should just feel lucky He found a way to bring us together in the first place. I went to church for the second time since being at UT. It felt good, but sad too. Kind of like talking to Price. I don't know-I know everyone says over and over again that it's hard to find a church in college and that you just have to keep an open mind, etc, etc. But it's true and I keep comparing everything to MDUMC. I miss it so much, especially Steve and Kristi. I miss everyone there. I wonder what it would be like to go home again next summer and do staff. I would probably be really bored, but I guess God will lead me where I'm meant to be. I just don't want to spend all summer in Austin drinking my life away. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like drinking, but I just don't enjoy doing it all the time. I just really need to get involved with some Christian organizations here. I also need to find a bible study that I enjoy. I feel so lost if I don't have fellowship to keep me on track in my faith walk. I hate being so close to God in the summer and then straying so during the school year. That's just not how it should be. I have got to work on it. I especially need to do my part here, like praying and quiet times. It's like working out-no never mind, that's an awful comparison that I really don't want to make. I wonder and daydream way too much. I wonder about stupid girly stuff sometimes like who I'm going to marry and when. I wonder if I'm going to get a job. I wonder about why I'm such a moody person. Sometimes I feel really different from everyone else around me. Sometimes I wonder what I would be like if I went to A&M. Would Cal and I still be inseperable? Would RT and I be good friends? I don't know, it's just weird. I wonder how it's going to be with Price when he goes to college. I wonder if he'll meet some girl and totally forget about me. I'd probably be so jealous if he ever found someone that he was closer to than me. But I shouldn't if he does-I should simply be incredibly happy for him. We just have a weird relationship. I wonder how Mike's doing really. I mean, I know he acts the same, but he has to be going through a lot. I can't even imagine. Sometimes I want to ask him about it, but I don't know how to put it or what to say. I mean, I can't just randomly bring it up. I wish sometimes that we still talked like we did in high school. It was weird last night when Callie and Todd were talking about Travis on the phone. I haven't thought about that boy in a long, long time. He still makes me mad. what a stupid thing he did. I still can't believe he threw away our friendship. we really clicked. we could talk about anything, and that just doesn't happen very often with two people. I mean, I obviously got over him romantically, but we could have been lifelong friends. Too bad for him I guess. I still wish sometime down the road that he would apologize, but I think a lot of people in life wait for apologies that they will never receive, or for people to come back into their lives that never will. It's foolish I know. I love my parents so much. I wish that I could treat them the way I want to deep inside. The way I know I will wish I did all of my life when they are gone. It's just ridiculous how much they do for me.