ahs10/essays-big5 huggingface dataset:
This is a stream of consciousness paper for my psych. class. That is the only class I actually enjoy going to. They have about a katrillion people in that class and it is freezing cold, but that's okay. Almost all my classes except for English have 456,897,456,789 people in it. There is a cute guy in almost every single one of my classes, or if not in class, on the way to it. That's what college is all about. That's why I came from Louisiana to Texas. New people. It's so different out here. I love my roommates. They are so cute, and have really cute friends. I have one that is my favorite though. That's Gibby. He's so cute. anyway Lisa is so mad that the damn computer won't work. I believe that is a direct quote. She want to go call Adam, her lifeguard lover. Sometimes I think she's jealous because I found my little Gilbert within 5 days of coming to the great state of Texas. At first I didn't like it here, but now I love it. I know 345,231,859,635 guys, and about 4 girls. Today I got to go with Brady, our fine neighbor to go wash his Rodeo. I got to vacuum. It was great. I love him. But not as much as I (secretly) love room 1432.  The bus rides have been hell, but we ride with the neighbors. I hate to stand up. I hate that almost as much as I hate not sitting on the end of a row in class. I think it's the extra elbow room that I get. I hate those desks too. I am used to having about 565 sq. feet of desk area. Oh well. Anyway, yesterday, I bought Gibby some boxer shorts. I gave the salesman a hard time because I didn't know any of his sizes. oh, well. I don't want  to limit myself so soon after coming to Texas. I want someone to play with, but I also want some time to explore the great wide dating field. There is a nasty rumor going around the apartment saying that Marc likes me. I think Marc is an awesome guy, but I don't know how willing I am to give Gibby up. It has gotten to the point where everyone asks me where Gilbert is, and what he's doing. Okay, I may talk to the boy but I don't know every single blessed move he makes. Now as for Dark Chad across the street I would like to know. He is so cute and artsy and he is an avid fan of party girl. okay I think my time is up, so Ill say good bye till tomorrow. Thank you, Simone Theriot
so far this freshmen year has been a intereasting adventure if you like S&M. I came down a month early to go with my friends to go to all these fraternity parties and meet a few musicians and audio engineers I have had correspondence with since I recorded my CD. The fraternity parties weren't that great except for a Kappa Sigma one that was pretty wild. I pledged for two days before it hit me that this was a waste of time. Not that waiting in endless lines (with endless hassles) to shell out more money to this fine universtity isn't making me age before my years. I am getting use to the regamorand of rude cafeteria & accounting people and trecking to classes in BFE. I can't say it's all been bad though I did get a free T-shirt and a lot of nefty junk people shove into your hands as you try to walk by. Oh, and then there are the roads with the none existent left turns, constant construction, 30-min limit parking (when you can find it), and cops that stop you for the fun of it. I don't know if its been- oh it gives you more space well then I can continue to ramble. College is supposed to be the best years some say. I think I should of keep better stock in my highschool years. Now except for parties I live like a reclouse in my apartment doing homework for a foriegn language I don't want to learn and trying to write more music while the people above me sound like there having basketball pratice up there. I'm sure it has been atleast twenty minutes by now and if you 've read this far then you're probably ready to quit reading by now. So I'll let you off till I have to write the next one.
They are playing OU as I write this and I am hoping that they loose. I keep telling myself to hope that they win but deep down I really want them to loose. When they win his main concern is football and when they loose he concentrates more on me. Is this some psychotic way of wanting to control him?  I know that if they win then he will seem more appealing to other girls. This makes me extremely jealous and insecure. Adrian is my first love. He is the first person I ever really cared about. I don't know if I am wasting my time in this long distant relationship though. There are so many more important things that I should be worrying about right now in my life. I am in my prime. I am terrified of getting hurt. I'm scared that I am going to put effort into this relationship only to get screwed over in the end or in a time when I really need him. I can almost see history repeating itself:  in high school I stood beside Adrian when he was a dork and always sat the bench in football then when he got good and things took a turn in my life to where I needed someone there for me we was too good. I still have a tremendous amount of anger towards Adrian for the things he did to hurt me. This relationship is not good for me right now in many ways but I'm am too scared of loosing the only person in the world that I would be willing to lay down my life for. I don't know if I am being insecure about our relationship because of things Adrian has done in the past or because I feel insecure about myself and in some way feel like I am not worthy of someone liking me.
My name is Ashley Mitchell and I am getting ready to write everything that crosses my mind within the next 20 minutes. Right now I'm thing about all the reading I have to do for my classes and what am I supposed to do with myself since I don't have a Psychology book. The book won't be coming in until Monday. I believe in God so I now that he will make a way for me to get my hands on a Psychology Book. What tv show comes on tonight and how long is this scholarship dinner going to be. Why does the Rugrats tv show come on in the middle of the day. What is my sister up to today? When is their next Battle of The Bands? My back hurts from typing so awkwardly. It's only been 4 minutes. It seems like I've typed everything I can think about. The lunch was pretty good I had I just wonder was it too fattening. I need to call the football trainer and see if I can get in touch with him. I need to start making connections now as a freshman if I want to accomplish my goals. HHMMMMmMMMm. I don't think the new Romeo show will be any good. I need to go and practice the piano since I haven't practiced since I left home. I need to find an organization that's perfect for me and I think the Texas Gospel is perfect. HMMMMMMM. I've never met the professor yet and I really have no idea what this class is going to be about. It seems like it could be interesting though. I'm glad I made the decision to come to UT. I feel like I've made a major change with myself. Spiritually, socially, and physically. I've grown up with black people my entire life. At first I thought that it was going to be a total culture shock, but I shocked myself when I found out it's pretty cool to meet people other than your own race. I enjoy being with my people and all, but sometimes in life you have to step out and do something for yourself. If I had a went to a school with most of the people I already knew I probably wouldn't make any new friends which isn't good. I need to get a job when I get back to Houston. What time is it. What time does my Psychology class begin. It begins at 3:30 so I still have plenty of time. Let me put my folder into my bag so that I won't leave it here. Boy I sure don't feel like walking to class in this heat. Burdine hall is too far away. I know that it's good exercise and all, but I just don't feel like walking. I don't see how people can stand to live in Austin. There is nothing here to do, but go to school. At least I haven't seen anything here that would make me want to live here. I need to turn the tv volume down a little so that I can really think. I'm going to work out today. It feels good to work out. My roommate is probably wondering what am I still doing typing on the computer because I have been on the computer for almost and hour and I've been typing for almost 20 minutes straight with slight hesitation. So what is Prof Pennebaker going to do with all these thoughts when he reads them. My head is itching and it is too cold up in this building.
I DON'T REALLY HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY. I JUST NEED TO GET THIS FINISHED SO THAT I CAN GO TO PICK UP MY FRIEND. I TRIED TO DO IT BEFORE BUT IT WOULDN'T LET ME. THIS IS SO BORING. I DON'T REALLY WANT TO SAY ANYTHING THAT SOMEONE ELSE MIGHT READ. THEY SAID THIS WASN'T GOING TO BE GRADED SO IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU SAY BUT I DON'T THINK THEY WOULD MAKE YOU WRITE IT IF THEY WEREN'T GOING TO LOOK AT IT. THEY PROBABLY JUST SAY THAT TO MAKE YOU FEEL MORE COMFORTABLE. I NEED TO GO HOME SO I CAN GET ALL MY OTHER STUFF DONE. I'M KINDA HUNGRY. I HAVEN'T EATEN SINCE 10 THIS MORNING. I WONDER WHERE MY BOYFRIEND IS. HE WAS SUPPOSED TO CALL ME AN HOUR AGO. HE PROBABLY WENT TO THE VOLLEYBALL GAME. I GUESS I'LL JUST LEAVE HIM A MESSAGE TO CALL ME WHEN HE GETS HOME. I DON'T REALLY WANT TO TALK TO HIM TODAY ANYWAY. I THINK  I MADE HIM MAD YESTERDAY SO HES PROBABLY IN A BAD MOOD. I NEED TO GET SOME MONEY. I DON'T REALLY HAVE TIME TO WORK MUCH. I HAVE TO GET AN OIL CHANGE AND A NEW BATTERY AND I HAVE MY INSURANCE AND PHONE PAYMENTS COMING UP. PLUS MY ONE MONTH ANNIVERSARY IS IN ONE WEEK. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO GET MY BOYFRIEND. HE IS REALLY HARD TO BUY FOR. ITS NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO BE MUCH THOUGH. I SHOULDVE BEEN SAVING FOR A WHILE NOW, BUT I DIDN'T EVER HAVE ANY LEFT OVER MONEY TO SAVE. I THINK ITS BEEN ABOUT 15 MINUTES NOW. I'M RUNNING OUT OF THINGS TO THINK ABOUT BESIDES HOW I WISH THIS WOULD HURRY UP SO THAT I CAN FORGET ALL THIS BORING STUFF FOR A WHILE. I NEED TO START STUDYING FOR MY TESTS. I HAVE ONE IN ALL OF MY CLASSES FOR THIS WEEK AND NEXT WEEK. I REALLY HAVE TO PEE. THIS SUCKS. I AM SO BORED. MY BROTHER IS HERE NOW AND HE IS SO ANNOYING. HIM AND HIS GIRLFRIEND ARE ALWAYS FIGHTING. WELL TIMES UP.
I am feeling kind of nervous today because I only have one class and I am supposed to spend the rest of the day at the fraternity house doing chores. I also wonder why I have to do these chores, because all of the actives had to do them when they were pledges?  In any event I know that I have to go over there and it will not be fun. I am also excited because next week my parents are going to come in town and it will be the first time I have physically seen them since I moved down here. Also my cousin is going to be coming down here to visit UT and I am excited that I will be able to see her. People told me that I would be overwhelmed when I came down here but I haven't felt that way yet. Things are getting harder by the week, but I think I am handling it well. My room is a mess and I really need to clean it up and do the laundry. I guess I will today since I will have maybe a little free time.
I can't believe I'm doing this assignment should be asleep right now I wish that my roommate would quit playing his music. My other roommate is a dork he's always talking about god and crap and telling me that I shouldn't drink and this and that fuck him he's no better than me he's just as bad in other ways I really hate it when all his friends come over here it's like fucking chinatown that's what my whole dorm is like just a bunch of asians and arabs except for the 22nd floor all the people on that floor seem to be white and that's where all the hot girls are I need to get on that floor I should have just lived in towers that would have been better. speaking of hot girls I wonder what stephanie is doing right now. I really should call her and try and hook up with her I can't tell if she is putting me off or if shit really keeps coming up that she has to do instead of going out with me but oh well that girl susan is really nice and she seems genuinely interested but it's hard to tell but she does have really nice tits why did I just write that whoever is grading this is going to think that I am just a perverted moron but that's not true I don't know why people think that about me but it really pisses me off in fact nothing pisses me off more than when people think I am stupid, especially when I am smarter than that person that really sucks that vinny testaverde is out for the season the jets are going to suck this year and I can't believe that the cowboys won today that was just unbelievable. I wonder if my pledge brothers were watching the game I really hate my pledge brother Nayel that guy seems so shady if he's not acting like a greedy little son of a bitch he's acting like a fucking tool that should be Nayel's new nickname, tool. oh well its been 20 minutes and I am tired of doing this so no more words goodbye.
What I felt for last few weeks was depression as I do today. I have been depressed for several reasons such as adopting to the new environment, meeting new people, and keeping up with all the works that I have never done before. This writing assignment is another thing that makes my feeling depressed. My hands are getting sweat, I feel my face burning, and I can even hear my heart beating so loud. Since the time I started to write anything, I always had fear of writing. Actually I am not a good writer and writing makes my feeling very nervous. More than that, my boy friend is about to call me, and I really hope he would not call me until I finish writing this since I only got 20 minutes to do this. Well, even though he calls me, I don't think I will answer it, then call him back later and yell at him. Also I hope grammer and spelling mistakes won't be counted off from this type of writing. Now iI just touched my nose, and smelled cigarette on my finger. I am storongly thinking that I should quit smoking, which I am trying very hard to do. But this moment, I feel like to smoke really bad. Smoking always help me getting calm down. I feel totally lonely here, people are talking to each other, and they look like they all got their own friends. I am totally alone here, writing this paper. I felt lonely since I started to live alone. This is my first time to live myself, and whenever I try to sleep at night, I just feel some fear. I do not know what exactly that is. I just can't briefly breath, and now I feel same thing as writing this paper. I think my fear about dark and death started since I was in 5th grade. Because of my mom and dad who both had jobs, I had to live with my grandmother. Worse than that, I read a book called   I didn't belive recarnation  -well, actually something like that, when I was in 5th grade. That influenced me a lot in bad ways- fearing dark, and death. I am not actually scared of death at this moment since it is bright outside, but I feel similar fear right now. Now my hands are getting worse, and my fingers are sliding on the keyboard, and I really don't like that since this computer already has bad keyboard which is very hard to type on. I was not sure if I wanted to do this writing today since there were so many bad thing happened today- internet at home started not to work, I got a bad computer in communication building, and just this moment I pushed wrong key and keyboard did not work for last few minutes. I think I get very easily distractive since I am keep looking at someone else's sreen to see what he is doing on the internet. Anyways, it is such great experience that made me almost cry, and now I will count off ten until this page shuts down. Is it usual that I don't remember what I listed up there? Well. its been over 20 minutes, but it says I can keep writing. But I am not going to write any more since it is promise between the direction and me. Hope I am a few of people who are honest.
I wish that I could type more quickly, so that I would be able to follow my thoughts. I should take a typing class like don said he did. That makes me think of my trip to Mexico, look. there is a picture of that trip on my desk. I am glad that I got into san jac!Hopefully the spirits will accept me. Man, I forgot to put my name on the back of that picture. I hope that they do not disqualify me for that. I don't want to get rejected. I cannot believe that I got those scholarships. I am glad that I did, because Lauren did. I got more proportionally than she did. It shouldn't really matter. Well it does. I can hear the movie on behind me. I love the 80s movies like this one. I like the kevin Smith movies too. Jay and Silent Bob was disapointing. I liked Kate and Leopold. I wish that I could have true love. I do not think that I really believe in it any more. I want to, but I can not trust other people enough. I think that it is my father's influence. He always says that you can fall in love with anyone that you choose to love. I Hate that. I hate that he told me that so many times when I was young. I hate how my parents fight all the time. I hope that they do not get a divorce. That would be horrible for ray ray. Poor guy. I do not even know if Daddy cares about him. I know he loves him, but he does not really like him. I can try to make up for that. If we were orphans I would take care of him and lauren. I think that i wish that we were orphans sometimes. Just so that there was something worthwhile in my life. I have not done anything in y life. There is almost nothing different in the world because of me. This is a depressing line of thought. I should try to be happy. I always think that unhappiness is a weakness. Another gift from my dad. He does not even know that I think about that stuff. Xena is awesome. I wish that I had some kind of powers. I think I might be able to have paranormal dreams. Maybe I just want to so badly. I wish that magic was real. I would give alot to have some real magic in my life. I think that I am starting to doubt my faith. I do not feel very bad about it either. I stayed up till six am last night. I hope that I can sleep tonight. I am going home next weekend. Some people are not going home for a long time. Just at Thanksgiving. MMMM thanksgiving rules. I am glad that my family loves and misses me, and that I can miss them. I hope that I can meet alot of people while I am here. I want to be in love. I want to have adventure. And I want everyone to know it. I wish I could be famous, I wish I could be a hero. I hope that I am strong enough that I could be a hero. I am afraid that I am not strong enough. Should I keep acting strong, or be what i am. I am afraid that my friends will find out that I am not what I seem like. I wonder if they are really what they act like. I should not lie anymore. Not, actual lies, but weird ones. I love some of my friends. I used fatty. That is wrong. I have to be a better friend. I used her to make friends with her roomate. They do not like Teresa anymore for some reason. I hope that I do as well as I can here. Ihope that as well as i can do is enough.
I live in Amarillo and I can't exactly drive home to see them. I envy the people in my dorm who only live a few hours away from home. They can visit their friends and family on every weekend or weekday for that matter. I feel a little guilty because I miss my friends more than I miss my family. Maybe that is because I had a better relationship with my friends than I did with my family. this is probably because I spent a lot more time with my friends during the past few years. It seemed I felt empty if I didn't see my friends for a day, but I could go weeks without seeing my family and I'd feel just fine. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, and I do feel slightly homesick, but I have a stronger relationship withe my friends. Whenever I spent "quality time" with my folks, all we would do would sit on the couch in the living room and watch Seinfeld; we would never talk, but it really wasn't their fault. Whenever I would feel like talking about something important that was on my mind, they wouldn't have a problem with it, but I would feel awkward. It has always been that way, so it's not some kind of "teenager" thing that just kind of happened during my rebellious years. My parents are the greatest, and so are my three brothers. I have one older brother that is about to turn 20, so the age difference is pretty narrow. We used to do things all the time when we were younger, but now we hardly talk at all. I also have two younger brothers, 8 and 14 who are also great, but they're not so easy to talk to. My brother, Kyle, who is 14, has a lot of problems I think. He doesn't have any friends and he always just stays home and watches tv and plays video games. When I ask him how his day was, he just says fine, and thats all the conversation really consists of. I couldn't really talk to him because I felt so sorry for him. I also worry about my mom because she loses sleep trying to find ways to help him. My youngest brother, on the other hand, has plenty of energy and self-confidence and a lot of friends. I think he'll be one of the "popular guys" in school, and I feel bad when my little 8 year old brother can outdo my 14 year old brother Kyle. I also try to think up ways to raise Kyle's self confidence, but I'm really not much of a help. I find myself making fun of him unconciosly just like many big brothers all do, but I really feel bad about it. I sometimes know how he feels because in junior high I didn't always have five or ten friends to hang out and talk with, and I sometimes found myself at home on the weekends feeling like a loser, but I eventually found my place and my friends in high school, and I hope that's what he does when he goes to high school next year. He is old for his grade because he was held back in the first grade, and he has some kind of a learning problem and when I try to help hime with his school work he gets embarrassed and won't let me. I just really hopes he finds his place in high school or if not, in college, like many people do. so, maybe I should spend more time with my family when I get home in a few monthes instead of with my friends