Man, i have to do this writing assignment. what a waste of time. i could be sleeping right now. i am so tired. stupid 8:00 classes. i don't want to go to class anymore. that door is really loud. i wonder if the cleaning woman is done cleaning the bathroom. i really have to go. oh well, i can wait 20 minutes. i wonder why 20 minutes is so relative to this assignment. sigh. i can't think of anything to type. pretty blank right now. what's on tv. looks like some big guy doing a hefty exercise. OH MY GOD!  that guy's huge!  picking up kegs. that's strength, right there. i wish is was that strong. that would be really cool. too bad it takes forever to develop that. results would be nice. all that working out at the gym. that's a nice looking road. oh, union pacific. oh, lindsay's responding to my aim. she fell asleep. figures. she's always tired. why am i so bitter about this breakup. i mean we said we were going to be friends. if we're friends then why do i find myself mad at her all the time. i think she doesn't like being around me anymore, despite what she says. girls are so complicating. she could at least be up front about it if she didn't want to hang out anymore. i think this whole ordeal is destroying our chances of getting back together. whatever. i miss her though. or is it her that i really miss?  maybe i just miss having a girlfriend. someone to hold and appreciate. i wonder if. what are you talking about josh. whatever. where was i. oh yeah, girlfriends. world's strongest man. raise your hand, you kow it. raise your hand. damn, this tv's too loud. i can't think. raise your hand. 100 percent. if you're sure. chicken tenders. kick out of dinner tonight. tonight on sports center. what makes realationships so complicated. i see my other friends who are couples and they appear to be fine. steven and katy look like they'rein love with each other. that'll never last. steven't shouldn't be treated like that. and katy needs someone more independent, not a luzy hobo. whatever. at least they have a relationship. man, jeff's got it good. he just picks up girls so easily. people like to be around him. plus he's got erin back home he can go back to for some loving. i miss loving. those were some good days. that's prob why things never worked out with lindsay. she prob wanted something more in the relationship. but what?  i always took her out on dates. . made her feel special. and i slip up one time on my birthday. damnit. why did i have to act that way. i hate when i do that. but one mistake was all it took for thing to go sour. pennebaker?. yeah that's his name. uh. damnit!  i'm so bitter. i really should cool down if i'm ever going to get back in another relationship. who knows how long that'll be. there's a couple girls in band. my gracious!  they are hot!  that would be some sweet loving there i must say. but then there's the guilt of lindsay. there's a neverending trap. what if she still wants back into the relationship?  i know she told sarah that it's a possibility later on this year, but should i really wait for her?  did she really mean that much to me?  of course she did, or i would've broke up with her a long time ago. but why do i feel differently now?  what makes now so different than the past. i guess things get old over time, and changes must be made. looks like i took the first step by breaking up. i guess i should just move on. we'll see. oh, time's up. oh but i can still write. hmm. well i guess i'm done. i want to sleep before band practice anyway. man, why do we have to go off campus. they make things so difficult.