ahs10/essays-big5 huggingface dataset:
Every time I try to use one, it goes wrong on me. I'm watching a movie right now. I's called seven years in Tibet. I need to learn how to type faster. I used a temp agency once, and they laughed at my typing skills. The movie just ended. I went to the dentist office today. No cavities. I want to sell him knives but I didnt ask him, although I should have. I go tonite to the meeting. I don't know how I feel about do that job. I know I nneed the money. I want to work out. I went yesterday and tried, but I got discouraged for some reason. This music is sootjhing. It's like my music, only a lot less structured. Same concept though. An epiphant of sound. Thecredits are over and the screen is blank. I'll take it back today, a day late. $3 for one extra day. That's where the video places make their money. Video places are a pretty smart business. Not too many becausets, the stock continuously makes money. I ahd to stop the movie. Be kind please rewind. I started racketball today. It's great. Early too so I get a start on the day. I met this guy in my class that I played with. He seemed shy and uncomfortable. I am already typing bettre. If any thing, this exercise will give me a good typing workout. I have eight more minutes. I'm not doing assignment two after thid one, its too boring. I tried to do the goddamn lab hour on the computer, but youyr shit says illegal opperation and kicks me foo of the internet. How the hell am I supposed to do the lab hour when it wont work. I hate computers. I have to do all my math on the damn computer as well. I prefer math on paper, especiallly because the math is extremely hard and the damn computer complicates even a simple lab hour esdercise. I'm not looking at the screen while I'm doing this. Four more minutes. I wonder how much /I've typed.                                                                                  three minutes. I got an eww lok for my locker. Its a key lock so I ty the key to my shooe. My friend in military school made this mushroom for me. A girl said it should be a book stander upper. my gloves are old. two minutes. ill just sit here until they're open. Time.
I am so tired right now that I don't want t go to class right now but instead just go to sleep in my nice and cozy bed. I wonder if this one girl likes me and it is driving me crazy because it is affecting my thoughts. I wish it would get cooler here; It is so hot and dry outside. I wonder if I have any other homework to do tonight because I want to just relax and play some basketball. My friend has just gotten on I'M and I want to talk to her but I hafta do this assignment instead. I just thought of something funny that happened in psychology class. I think I could have broken that lie detector test easy and in the mean time made people laugh too. Hmmm. I am getting hungry right now and now my roomate has just came in and keeps asking me what I am doing and now I can't concentrate anymore. I really enjoy watching Michael Jordan play basketball and I want to get that video that is out on his greatest moments. Dang, my room is messsy I really need to clean it up, oh well. I wonder if the MTV music awards are going to be any good tonight. sounds like it would be interesting for a big get together with friends and stuff. I just got out of my english class and that was so freaking boring and not worth my time. Well, I am running out of stuff taht I am thinking of. now I am hungry again. I am so hungry but the thought of eating jester food makes me think of really disgusting thoughts and many trips to the bathroom. That is why the bathrooms never smell good because the entire floor is doing the big number 2 all day long. Ok, now our hall is noisy becuase the cleaning lady is vacuuming and is getting really annoying. Well my 20 minutes are up and I am going to take a nap now.
This is harder than I thought! Imagine trying to write down what ever comes to your head. most of the time there are so many thoughts coming to my head I don't know which ones to notice and write or whether they are appropriate to write in the first place. hmmm. ok . psychology. I'm glad I took psychology, never down it before it is actually interesting, getting graded for thinking for horrible that lamp which I am looking at right now is- insane! Why did I buy it? Oh this is a great song!. UT-Austin?. amazing place. I can't believe I didn't like in the first week. It is so full life. I actually enjoy . classes! Commitment has taken a permanent vacation, procrastination has settled in big time. I HAVE to make an effort to get everything done on time and not leave it to the last minute. Am I the only one like this? I hope not!. I glad I finally went for a workout yesterday thought. I felt good. arundathi u moron why did u eat so much ice  cream- that is another half an hour on the treadmill serves, you right!        Another great song. ! My day is already working out pretty good- hope it stays this way. Water. where is the bloody water when u need it. I should start swimming again. I should call home this weekend. it is ok to miss you dog more than your parents?. I can't believe I have come so far away from home. Ok I am here- now no regrets!. Its going pretty great though so. I wish I could change the attitude of some people here though about international students!. I mean what do they mean by do I know english?. jeezz I think ignorance is biggest fall back of most people. where did u become so philosophical. you are just  as ignorant as the rest of them on certain issues arundathi. Phone call!. god this is an irritating ring tone. ok I'm back. what am I thinking now?. hmmm. should I go for that concert tomorrow. go go. you might enjoy it. but u better STUDY!        ok I'm feeling hungry. I think ill go eat. ------------------------------------------------------------------------    Dear Dr. Pennebaker,        This is one of the most interesting exercises I have ever done. I never realized there are so many voices in my head till I actually paid attention to them. Thank you!        My subconscious ness mind is telling me in hungry! I think I will go with Mr. Freud and listen to my subconscious mind - ' free association'!        Thank you once again,    Regards,    Arundathi
All I want to do is sit on my couch and take a nap while sitting in front of the TV. I'm trying really hard to not procrastinate as much as last semester. I usually wait until the last minute to accomplish anything. This was assigned about two weeks ago and I'm just know doing it. I've had plenty of time to do it, but I find myself wanting to plop in front of the TV instead. I love being a couch potato. My mind wonders a lot and people tell me that I'm a daydreamer. Whoever reads this will probably agree that I can't keep my train of thought on one idea for more than two minutes. This weekend I have to go home and see my grandmother who is in ICU because she was in a car wreck. I really hate going to hospitals and seeing how sick everyone there is. It scares me to think of what might happen to me in the future. My mom told me that she probably won't even remember me. I can't decide whether or not to hang out with my friends when I go home this weekend. I know that I will and will not accomplish a lick of homework or reading, but I will still give it a whack and take my books home. I don't know why I even bother lugging them around when I know that they will sit in the corner of my room. My brother and I are not speaking and it's been about two weeks so I kind of miss him. I'm supposed to be in his wedding in November so we better start talking by then. I can't decide what I want to do tonight. I might try staying in for once but that is very unlikely. Even though there isn't really anything terribly exciting going on during the week I still manage to find anything to do but be at home. There actually isn't anything good on TV at 12:30 PM, but I sit in front of the TV anyway. Usually I keep asking myself why I'm watching this stupid show and wonder who in the hell actually thought that shows like "Sister Sister" and "the Smart Guy" were even remotely funny. Why do those shows even stay on?  I don't know a single person that watches or thinks that they are funny.
my thoughts, feelings, and sensations?  right now?  my eyes feel vacant, my heart feels heavy. at the moment?  now, in my dorm, in the silence of others and the sound only of ani's enlightening lyrics via stereo, I cannot hide behind the facade of a smile. there is no need to. unless I should be concerned with impressing a professor of some sort with a great stream of consiousness piece of writing. this is my consiousness, and I suppose it really isn't so interesting. I am worried, that is one sensation ripping through my veins. I am worried I will fail french, (how can you teach someone a new language in that language?) I don't understand. I am worried about things that cannot be voiced anywhere. I am worried about things you are not supposed to talk about. not to strangers. not to family. not to friends, unless they don't mind the burden. "god help you if you are an ugly girl, course too pretty is also your doom" as ani says. I know what she means; I have felt both ways, too often. I will choose the ugly girl, though. she has the better deal. she doesn't have to be afraid. I never fully understood the truth to this until I came here, to austin, to college. I didnt realize what a risk it is to be a "pretty girl. "  this is taking a strange turn, sorry, I havent quite figured out how to regulate my stream of consiousness. but this is what I think about. does he think I'm pretty?  god, I hope not. oh, please let someone else get in the elevator with us, don't leave me alone with him. how fast can I run if he approaches me. these are now everyday thoughts for me. I never used to be like this. I am ashamed of the girl I have become in the last week. I have discovered several things about myself since last tuesday. I am not, in any sense, the righteous babe (an ani term) I thought I was. I am a scared little girl. I cannot stand up to those who hurt me; I have proven that this week. in lieu of retaliation and justice, I cower in the shadows, I cling to my boyfriend, I cry myself to sleep. my mind is full of thoughts, so many I can't sort them all. so only the prominant ones come through to the screen. I apologize that they can't be the happy ones, the ones that say how much I love college, life, and my psychology class. I am not worthy of so many things, I think maybe my hypothalamus doesn't secrete enough of that happy stuff. my feelings are not so great at the moment; perhaps I should have chosen to write this some other time. I am so naive and stupid. those are my thoughts. that I allowed this horror to happen to me, to my boyfriend; that I am doing nothing about it. that I am writing about it here for someone I have never spoken to to read it. I miss my little brother. my baby four year old brother. he is my favorite person in the entire world. I am looking at a picture of him now, holding a wooden sword, pretending to be either david crockett or obi wan kenobi. welp, my twenty minutes are up. thank you, doctor.
I don't know what to do with my boyfriend. I am so distracted by him and I should be studying and trying to do reaslly well my first semester in College. I don't really feel that great today. I really feel like taking a bath. It would be really cool if our neighbors would urn down the music so our walls would stop shaking. I wonder eho the package is from that I got. It is really stupid that I won't be able to pick it up until Tuesday. My room is pretty lonely and the show on tv is pretty weird. I miss my roommate already. Maybe I should have gone home this weekend. Oh, well I guess my weekend is going ok because I got to see both Jared and Eddie yesterday and that made me happy. I miss Jared right now. I wish  my siter was here. We would have so much fun. I heard that she already took over my room. I don't really know what I think about that. I don't know how I am going to get all my work done, I can't believe I slacked off sp much and I would have had all my stuff done already. Oh well, I guess next time I will do better. I hope that I will be able to get my application to the Texas Spirits this week so I can start meeting people. Maybe I should have joined a sorority so that it might be easier to meet people. Hopefully with the things I am attempting to join I will be able to meet some more peope. It is so hard to meet girls to be friends with. Boys are so easy to meet because they almost always talk to you and try to get to know you. Maybe it is just hard for me to actually meet friends and not just acquaintances. All my frinds from high school were pretty much people that I had been friends with since CAtholic grade school. Making it not very common for me to meet all differnet people form many  difference places. Ut is sp doverse and so absolutely different from anywhere I have been before. Except for New York City, I guess. But I guess it is wierd because it is such a mix of people that are all my age and all here for the same reason and I guess that is prety hard to comprehend. I wonder ho Jennifer is at LSU. The last time I talked to her , she sounded like she was having the time of her life. I hope she doesn't forget all the fun we use to have and doesn't change that much. So far, it seems like Kristen and Colleen have changhed a lot and they have only been gone a toatla of like two weeks. I haven't talked to Sarah at all , I hope she is doing ok. I wonder if she has met WEs yet , I bet they would get along really well. This wirting is completely all over the place. I am not really sure how this shows the way my brain works. Iguess it has been about twenty minutes. so I guess I can end my rambling.
like how my day was, yeah, I woke up real early today, likie 800 and theres still ab unch of people walking in and out of my room like this one girl who likes my roommate, and I know I left my last topic right in the middle but illcome back, so anyway, this girl that just walked into my room like my oommate, and she seems really nice, and shes cute enough, but someone told my roommate that shes not cute and now he doesn't like her, now I must concede that in the past, I've realized that girls aren't as beautiful as I originally thought, bcause someone else told me they didn't think so and I relized id been projectin something on the girl, or looking a little too hard for something that's not there, so I shouldn't judge or somethinng like that and and so I woke up for an 830 class this morning, and it was a Cal stuy session that was completely pointless, I miss my high school calculus class, I miss my high school cal teacher, she was a very good teacher, I ad lot of those in high school, so I guess I'm pretty lucky, but she was a really good teacher, and a lot of my friends in the class got together ad had a great study group, because, well for many reasons, first of all they werent my best friends, thy were three girls and my brohter, but they werent my best friends, and so I didn't have to worry too much about getting too off topic at the biegginning of the year with stupid inside jokes, we could just study, and later onwhen we became better friends, we could talk for hours about iomportant stuff, or reminice, and still know when to crachk down and actually study, also like I said the teacher was just great, I'm going back this weekend and since its labor day we don't have school on monday so I may just skip school tuesday and stay home to  go back and visit some of my old teachers, and I've only got 6 more minutes of writing, but I really think thatd be nice, uhh I'm out of tuff to say again, and everyone is babbling in the background, and I'm trying to tune him out, or them out, but now I'm losing total train of thought and so I'm going to start babbling again or risk having to stop all together and so I don't have any more classes today and I'm struggling here and my roommates playing playstation, so I went and worked out the other day, actually yesterday, and it was the first time in 4 months, but I'm going running and weight liftin again today, and I havent run in about the same length of time and so I'm sorta worried about taht, but I'm looking forward to it to, getting a little chubby you know, so I'm starting to work out 6 days a week, about one to two hours a day, and I'm worried is going to but a strain on my homework, but I've always been able to to manage time in the past and I just noticed that I've got less than aminute and now I'm done so I'm wrapping up saying goodbye if you ever read this, I ope you enjoyed this little window into my head
At the dorm where I live there is a girl that is Anorexic, and we all call her Annie for short. This s probably the rudest thing that you could ever possibly do to a person in this state, but then she doesn't know that we call her this. I am also confused about guys, and why they react the way they do. My friend told me the weirdest story about her weekend today. She said that she was dancing in a club and this really big guy started pissing on her leg, and then her boyfriend hit the guy right in the sweet spot, and the bouncers kicked her boyfriend out instead of the pisser. That is so not fair and disgusting!  I can not believe that someone would actually do that in the middle of a crowd of people. Anyway I really do not know what to talk about because I am really tired. I slept today for about two hours, and now I am more tired than I was before. I ate lunch at Papaduex today and I had Alligator for the first time. It was really good and it kind of tasted like chicken. Well I just talked to my boyfriend on the phone and he told me that one of the guys he used to work with died today in a high speed car accident. The funeral is on Tuesday, and he wants me to go with him because he can not cope with it by himself. I have a problem with dead people and funerals, and I swore that after my grandpa died, I would never go to another funeral. Well I really want to see a movie pretty soon, because I haven't seen one in a long time. I really need to see the Horse Whisperer, because I heard that it was a really good movie!
I hope I'm doing this right because I'm not sure. I feel so tired and I have so many things to do in such short time. I wonder if I'll pass all my classes. I'm afraid that I won't make A's and not make it into Medical school. I can imagine how my dad's sisters will laugh at him and tell him that they knew I wasn't going to make it. I feel lost, depressed, and anxious. Who should I talk to, well mayb nobody because what if people think I'm crazy or stupid or something. Everyone else seems relaxed and having a great time. I can't even walk out of my room because I either have homework or some quiz to study. I can't believe I froze today on my quiz and miss two simple questions. What's wrong with me? I used to take pressure fine now I feel like some crazy person. I miss Peter, my boyfriend. He understands me. The good thing is that he's coming down and if my dad brings my truck up here, I can go and pick him up at the airport. I want to bring him back to UT and show him around. It's going to be nice to walk with him down the Drag and just showing him the campus. I can't wait to see him. I hope everything goes well since tomorrow is Friday the thirteenth. I don't want anything to happen to him while he's flying over here. If anything happens to him, I'll feel terrible because I'm the only reason he's coming down. I hope I can have a good weekend with him. I want to spend as much time as possible with him. But with my parents, God, I can imagine them. They take things so seriously. I wish they weren't so strict and understand that me and Peter are serious about each other. I guess that's why I'm so shy. I could never go out or do anything. Now I can't keep a conversation with anyone because I think that they don't like me but oh, well I don't need them. I have such a headache. It's just all these thoughts I have in my head. I wonder who's going to read this. They're going to think I'm some kind of psycho, however you spell that. Life is so crazy for me. I can never relax or kick back. I hope to God that in the end this will pay off. I wish I was already in med school but hey it all takes time. Now I understand what Dr. Sladek said. That man is so brillant. I hope to be just like him. He does surgeries like nothing. And to think that he didn't make it to med school here in the US and had to go to Mexico. If he didn't make it with straight a's here at UT, what makes me think that I will. What did I get myself into? But this is my dream and I'm afraid to disappoint my family. I've always told them I was going to be a Doctor and if I don't they're going to ask me why, some will laugh at me, others will disapprove of me like Mr. Matthews, others will rub it in my face. How embarrassing? Agh! I even got voted most successful in high school. I can imagine everyone talking about me and how I thought I was so smart. If only they knew I had to work really hard for my grades. I was just like them. I want my mom to be proud of me and I want her to know that when she's old I'll take good care of her. I don't want to see her working hard anymore. Well this felt a little better taking everything out but now I feel like crying. Maybe that will help as well.
I don't know where to start. My mind is full right now with all sorts of thoughts and feelings. UT is great but I am not sure where I fit into things right now. It is really just one big cycle for the time being. When I was driving here from Arlington, my dad told me that I would not hang out with any of the people I already knew because you will "drift apart. "  But I like my friends. I have two friends that are going to join a fraternity. I also have two friends who are not going to join a fraternity. The three of us have been going to some of the parties, trying to see if that is the route we want to go. For me, this has been a huge thing on my mind. Constantly. I want to fit in somewhere, but I am not sure I want to pay for it. It really is strange. All this thinking about social life leaves less time for study. Speaking of study, I have nothing to do but read. No busy work. Just reading. That kind of reading will fry your brain. This has been a weird week. Everything has changed. School, friends, family (or lack of). It is kind of cool, though. I am just kind of hoping that a routine starts here. It is really hard to keep learning a new schedule day in and day out. I simply want it to be easy. I guess that is what college is for. It teaches you to grow up. Now I have laundry to do. Just another fun thing to do. It really sounds negative, but my life is good, I guess. Just finished that 32 page questionnaire. While most of it was simple, it really does make you think. Especially when it asks, "Are you certain about your answers?"  Who knows?  Do you like yourself? Of course. Are you sure?  Yep. I guess it would really suck though if you were thinking about killing yourself all the time. That never crosses my mind. It is too much fun to live. Challenging experiences though. Sure wish UT would have won yesterday. It was great yesterday. Went to a party, then to the game, then we lost. That just kind of ruins the whole effect. Back to the frat thing. We were supposed to go to party for the Sigma Chi's after the game. I really wonder if they try to be your best friend so you will join. Most of the guys are cool. But I think I am going to wait. They all say it is best to join 1st semester, but that is what "they" say. I believe my decision to wait should be respected, and if it isn't, then they aren't that cool anyway. I guess. I think I just need to meet more girls. That would make life much more enjoyable. That has got to be the answer. I have moved twice in my life and have always managed to meet people quickly. But at that point, I never knew the difference. Now it is hard. I think it is because of insecurity. I am really not afraid to admit it. I am insecure in meeting girls, but I will have to grow out of it. For now, I just wish I didnt have to read so much. It isn't that bad, just boring. You cannot retain 40 pages of economics in one day. It is just not possible. But I guess I will try my best.