It is weird to be here because usually people are here and I could visit them but no one is at home. My brother is now doing all the stuff I did last year and it's kind of a weird role reversal. I am also frustrated because I am here and if it was normal circumstances Jared would be here but of course his family decided to take a vacation and they are out of town. and it's so weird and frustrating to be here and not be able to just call him and see him, I guess it is part of the annoying "sensitivity" that girls seem to employ. I need to get out of that habit. But, in an hour and a half or so, I will be driving back to UT and bringing my roommate's and also my friends from here. The whole situation did not work out exactly how we planned because I was going to stay here this whole weekend but then Jill's ride got all messed up so if I don't bring her up today I have Chris and Emily who will be very disappointed and I would feel guilty if I just stayed here instead. but actually I kind of just do want to stay here at home for awhile and actually get some stuff done and just relax but I also am torn the other way too. Whatever, my mind is so strange sometimes. and also I am feeling stupid writing all these thoughts down. Am I going to be diagnosed with some kind of disorder by what I've written? rhetorical question. computers can be very frustrating. It is really getting on my nerves that I am not allowed to complete my pretesting requirement on here. at first I couldn't even access the screen to type in my social security number and then when I could do that it won't accept my password or user name. That is all very frustrating and I've tried all these different computers trying to access it. Oh well. Hopefully, I will finally figure it out. As I just skimmed over what I've written thus far, I am worried. The blurb above says there is no right or wrong thing to say but I have before, just done completely the opposite of what was intended on an assignment and I had to redo it so this makes me slightly nervous as to if the content of this is adequate or not. It is very quiet in this area right now and my thoughts seem so loud in comparison since they are all that I can "hear" and it all the activity that is going on. This assignment is actually kind of ironic because usually, I do write down everything that is in my head, like my thoughts and my feelings, and it helps me sort things out. It usually angers my friends because then they never know what upset me before because I wouldn't say anything because I'd have to go write it down to figure it out. Yet, while I'm typing this, it seems so forced to have to write down my thoughts. I guess because the "audience" I am typing for is so unknown and I feel self conscious of what I write. I just thought about this calculus homework I've been trying to work on for the past hour or so. It is so aggravating to try and understand something and completely fail or only understand a little bit which does nothing for progress toward solving the problem. I guess that is something I miss. I miss my smaller classes where there was always a lot of discussion and interaction. I guess in a way I'm being selfish but I can't help feeling that way. Oh well, I guess I am still in transition but I'm used to everything I just am not sure how much I like everything. well, I guess that is all my thoughts for now. I am so random sometimes. My train of thought that leads me to some comment or question is sometimes so mixed up and completely out of nowhere that I can't even believe how I think of some things. I'm not sure. But I bet a psychologist somewhere could figure that dilemma out. : )