IT's me. tying along, this is somewhat interesting, I''ll probaboly copy it onto my computer after I am done, after all, I am kind of interested in trackin gmy thoughts. When I talked with allison the other day, it helped to have I'm on instead of being on the phone. it allowed me to communicate and review what we had said to eachother. I really really really hope that we don't end up playing eachother this weekend, as I don't want to play her. I know I won't paly  ehr because myu lov efor her is true. and she won't paly me either, but exactly what will transpire I'm not too sure. how far is too far for the realtionsip we're in reight now? what is the relationship we're in right now? I trhink I want intimacy, but I'm not too sure. is it abuse of eachother if we don't miss eachother tremendously? IO miss her tons, but I can now ahve fun without her. I do need her, but it's less than it used to be. when she dumped me, it really hurt. I neve said that I dumped her, but I understand why she thought that. life's a dance - at least it's no longer a bitch. I wonder if I couldn't go to sleep last night because I was so excited about seeing her this weekend, or because I had just finished my exercises. How long does it take the body to calm down after exercising. I didn't sleep well, but I don't think it was due to her. I'm just stuck on what kind of intimacy should be shared this weekend. I do love her. I'm pretty convinced of that. After all, she is the most beautiful woman in the world to me. I know that my feelings for her have a lot to do with that. She has a great smile. I hope that she jumps on me when I show up. It would make me feel very special. IO'll definitely be excited to se her. Iknow she is looking forward to seeing me too. I kind of wonder whether it is better for me to be leaving on Sunday or Saturday. I don't really have much choice in the matter, but I could take a bus. I want her to come to UT. At UT the logistics would flow much smoother. I'm more than willing to dedicate my whole weekend to her. This would mean I would miss her more during the week, but it would be worth it. I have friends here, which really really helps. For example, last night I went up and worked on my spreadsheet and webpage while watching a movie with them. Of course, the movie was an 80s movie, and it just reminded me of her, but it was still fun. I do love her. I love love lovee love love love love love her. Love can be messy. It's okay for love to be disastorous - so long as you don't lose sight of the person you love. a lot of times I feel like I'm the only one that cares about us as a relationship. When I did that thing at Dave and Busters she was ready to break up. I didn't feel as if it was cause. I understand why she was mad, but I also kind of expected her to understand that I was frustrated. She says she loves me, but does she? She does things that indicate both ways. I don't think that I do things that indicate that I don't love her, but maybe I do. I wish she would tell me when I do/say things that hurt her. She really hurt me, when she said that it was better to be broken up right now. I want her to have fun. I used to be somewhat egotistical about it, but right now I just want us to fully enjoy eachothers company and miss each other enough so that it's not abuse of the relationship. Maybe nothing will happen this weekend. I hope that she spends time with me after the game. I expect her to spend time saturday morning studying, which is fine. I just know that I'm not going to have anything to do. I will bring my computer, but I will only be able to work on stuff that has no deadline. If it has a deadline, then it will have to be done Sunday night if it's not done over the weekend. That would stink. I come back, and I won't be able to see any of my friends because I have homework to do. I really do miss Allison. I'll probably do my PSY reading this week. The Republic is read enough for a while, but do I want to start getting ahead? Probably should. The problem with lowering our love relationship to a friendship thing is that then we will never see if our love is true. I don't want to make the worst mistake of my life, when I'm not sure of it. Allison is beautiful. Sure, she has some qualms about being outside in the heat, but otherwise she's ideal. Except, that I do wonder sometimes if she is in love with me. We should go do some outside type stuff. She has a set prenotion that she doesn't want to go camping, when in reality it could be quite fun. My parents don't do outside stuff together. Allison has swallowed the heat thing before - that says how much she loves me. It couldn't have been cold the second time at Miller Outdoor Theater. We've kissed in the heat before. The only thing is that a lot of my romantic ideas were for outside - the waterfall (not original), Galveston. romantic by its very nature means of nature - she wants someone to possibly sweep her off her feet, but I don't know if that's possible. I do love her. Well, it's actually time that this 20 minutes has past. It has passed quicker than I expected it too.