Sitting to write this assignment, I feel I have lots of other things to think about. When will I find time to get everything done? I still need to unpack boxes, get things organized. The days pass, and more is left unfinished. I thought I was off to a good start, but I need to find a way to organize myself so that I can meet daily goals, weekly goals, and monthly goals. My problem with procrastination is always adding unnecessary stress to my life, and if I could only stay on top of things, or work a little more each day, I would feel less stressed, with a better sense of accomplishment. What do I want to get done? I want to finish unpacking, decorate my room  that requires that tickytacky stuff, since nothing sticks on these stupid walls. Need to find more little pillows, and little desk and drawer organizers. Little stuff like that. I need to organize my pictures, decide which I want to hang up, which are best in frames, where I will display all my frames. I also have to decide which stuff I really don't need, and pack that up, and ship it home to California. I need to organize my school stuff, still buy my aerobic book, and the right edition of the Odyssey for that freshman seminar, plus get some three ring binders. I know I brought some, but have no idea where they are at the moment. It seems impossible to loose something in such a small space, but I've managed to do it quite a few times. I need to balance my checkbook, pay my cell phone bill, and call my bank about my debit card that is not working. Did I not activate it right? I know I have enough money in the bank. I don't understand what the problem is. I have to remember to get cash; I have borrowed money too much from people in the past couple of day, not because I was out of money, but because I kept forgetting to figure out the problem. Until I do, I can't get money out of the ATM machine, I'd have to go down to the bank, and get money out, or write a check for cash, or something. Still trying to figure out all this bank stuff. I wonder if that cell phone bill is right. There seem to be some unnecessary charges on it, or ones I didn't know about. Why is my mom not calling me back? I know they are busy with soccer stuff, but I left a message saying I needed to talk, and asked those questions on the answering machine, you would think she would call back immediately. Especially since she expressed so much concern recently when she didn't hear from me in only a couple days. I need to get on top of my reading, and studying. Want to find a better place to study than my room. Too many distractions, my computer, my music, my phone, my ongoing room decorating project, unpacking, the TV, email, the neighbors, the stupid smoke detector, that is low on batteries, and is constantly, constantly beeping, relentlessly. And the person on the floor above us who never stops banging on the floor, it is so annoying, between the beeping, and banging, they are enough to drive my absolutely insane. I went to the point of stuffing cotton in my ears last night to try and block out the high pitched beeping, it is so shrill, it's painful, especially terrible when you're trying to sleep. My roommate doesn't seem to mind, she can block out almost anything. I don't know how she devotes so much time to studying. I wish I could be more disciplined like that. I would be much happier with myself. But, I am having so much fun. Will study later tonight at Barnes and Noble's with Amy. We'll see how that place is for studying. It's hard not having my car, although most people have theirs. It's nice not to be the responsible driver, and to have to pay for gas parking, or worry about getting lost, the ridiculous one way streets, and no road signs hardly to help you out, but still at times it would be much easier if I had it here. Next year, I will but what car will I have? What are my parents going to decide about that? What about molly? What will she drive? Will I get my prelude? Will that be too hard on my parents? How are they handling sorority costs? Should I get a job soon, to help with all that? How are my bills going to be this month? I'm sure the long distance bill on my regular phone line will be out of control. Try to use my cell phone more, free long distance, but not sure exactly how long I have the extra minutes for. Will john go by my parents' house tonight and set up his ticket? It makes me really nervous, not quite sure why. I know he want to come, and I know he's planning on it, but I want to see him so bad, and miss him so much, I don't want to get my hopes up too high, in case things don't work out. How will things be when he comes, how will be people like him?. Will they be accepting of him? What about the whole tattoo thing and the way he dresses? I want him to bring all his long sleeved shirts and nice clothes, but I do not not want him to change for anyone, nor do I want him to change. I love him exactly the way he is, and wish there were more people like that here, but I don't want him to be uncomfortable, or other people to judge him or make him feel uncomfortable. I want everyone to like him and for him to have a good experience. Even though I know he's not coming to go to a bunch of parties, or meet a bunch of people, he'll be here to spend time with me, but I still want to take him out, take him to the game, show him how big and fun, and cool the parties are here. Definitely won't be going to any SigEp functions, I know how they are about outsider guys, especially someone like john. I could never be embarrassed of him, but it might be uncomfortable, especially if any guys give him a hard time, and then I'll feel like I brought someone who wasn't supposed to be there, like with Sean the other day. That was a really bad experience. I don't want anyone to make john feel that way. Having a car would be nice for when he comes, could pick him up from the airport, take him to cool places, the oasis, the lake, mt. whatever where the Zeta girls ate tonight. There are so many pretty, cool things, three days is not nearly enough. But, the time will be spent well, and will either make it easier than waiting until thanksgiving to see him, or make it harder, because he'll be fresh in my mind. They say out of sight, out of mind, and I believe that to be very true. Same went for mike. But, the longer I'm away, the less I think about john, and the less I truly miss him. I think the same goes for him. It doesn't seem as urgent for him to see me the way that it was when I first was here. But of course that should be expected and it was. I don't like the way some things are here. I want to get out and meet some different kinds of people, or meet nonfrat type boys, because I'm not liking the conservative style that much. It's not what I 'm used to. I definitely don't like how money and status are such an issue. It's ridiculous, it reminds me of the movies. I didn't think people like that really existed. I left California thinking I was getting away from all the selfabsorbed, selfimage, stuff, that I was really growing sick of, only to come somewhere and feel as though I'm surrounded by an even worse kind of snobbery, based on money, family name, status, having not really anything to do with how good looking you are, as is the California snob, but how much money your dad makes, or what kind of car you drive, or whether or not you buy an $800 shirt to wear to a frat party. It's all very ridiculous to me, and it makes me sad, and homesick for a place where it's really cool to be laid back and extremely casual all the time, and where you're not judged by how much money you have. I do love how the boys always hold open doors for you, and pay for everything; those are aspects I do very much enjoy. I would not want to raise my kids here, I'm not even sure now if I want to live here after college. I love a lot of things about it, and I 'm having so much fun, meeting lots of wonderful girls, the guys are a problem for me. I went to college thinking that it's funny knowing this is probably the place where I'll meet my husband. I highly doubt it at this point in time. I'd have to find a diamond in the ruff, like Becca did. It makes me miss john, Karl, Daniel, Jordan, Ryan, even so much more. It makes me miss all my guy friends, and the fun and comfort of guys who are not polite, but funny and perverted, to a certain point of course. I can't wait to see john, I wonder how things will be. I've decided to tell him how I really feel, knowing his reaction will probably not be to admit he feels the same way. I think he probably has an idea of the way I feel, I've probably hinted at it before. I do have a glimmer of hope, since he's been signing his letters with the word love, and wrote, "love, john on the picture he drew, and he is spending at least $300 to come out and see me, which unlike all the stupid rich boys here is money that he has worked his butt off to make, doing countless hours of work, and now is throwing it all into a three day trip. It really is incredible to me. It touches me to think he would do something like that for me. I wonder what Daniel and Karl think about that, especially Daniel. What about Jordan, I wonder if mike will find out. What will he think about that? He once said, regarding the necklace and earrings from Daniel, that he would never spend that much money on a girl ever. Well, he knows john never ever has any money, never has a steady job, and mooches off of everyone else. How would he feel if he heard that john was spending every penny he had to come and see me? Maybe then he would open his eyes a little. Probably not though. I hope someone will be willing to pick john up from the airport, I know Candace won't want to miss any of her classes, for him of course I could, it doesn't look like I have any test or quizzes that Thursday or Friday. I do have a psychology test the day after he leaves. How will it be when he leaves? I wonder if I'll be really depressed. Probably, I'm probably making it harder on myself. Probably harder on both of us.