My roommate just asked me if I have any homework due tomorrow and I don't but yet I still feel as if I need to be reading or studying gor something. I'm afraid I'm doing what I sould be doing, what everybody else is doing, studying. I feel as if my classes aren't hard. I also feel as if everyone knows what they want to do in life and I have no clue. I feel so ashamed that I don't know. Before I came to college, I knew what I wanted to be and do so I was going to come here and work for that goal. I would rather do nothing else but be a teacher. I want to teach so much but there is absolutely no money in it. And thats terrible because teachers can be so influencial. I have had several teachers that have been awesome and make me want to teach even more. I want to help and to influence and to have that feeling that I was a part in that student's recieving and A on a test or a paper. I would want to teach either a math class or biology for highschool students. I was always tutoring and helping my friends or anyone that needed help and I enjoyed it so much. I graduated in a whole year early to get out of highschool. Don't get me wrong, I had a great time in highschool but it was time for me to leave. It was time to start my life. I am in a hurry to grow up, I'm tired of being young. I feel as if I've been the youngest in everything. I was the youngest one at all my family reunions, I was the youngest model. Yeah, I model. It goes on like that for a lot of things. And now I'm the youngest in college, its seems anyway. I graduated early for lots of reasons. Everyone asks me what made me decide to do it and I never really go in to it because I din't like to tell people my sob stories unless I trust them or they know my background. But since I have to write for 20 minutes, I'll tell you. It all got started when my parents got divorced when I was in 8th grade. I really feel as if I had the perfect life if thats even possible. Both my parents got remarried to other people within a year of their divorce. I went through a really hard time then, and I know its completely cliche but I would love it if they got back together. I think they're perfect together. The woman my dad married was a complete idiot. I mean, its sad being 10 times smarter than someone twice your age. But now they're divorced, my dad just wasn't happy with her. I'm happy she's out of the picture. The man my mom married is a big reason I graduated early. I loathe and despise him with a burning passion. I know its immature and selfish, but I will go out of my way to be a bitch to him. I think he's a horrible, miserable man and is completely wrong for my mom. A lot of people say, no youjust don't like him because he's not your dad, blah blah blah. But then they meet him and understand exactly what I mean. I think my mom was a little selfish when I she decided to bring this man into our lives knowing no one liked him. I have this wierd ability to pick out people I know are not good people. My parents had this friend who I hated since I was a little girl, the first day I met him. Later, when I grew up i find out he was a big cocain addict and was always calling my parents to pick him from jail or get him out of whatever mess he got himeself into. I never liked him. I get the same feeling with my step father. I don't even like calling him. I usually refer to him as my mom's husband. I feel so bad about leaving my little brother. He's 9 years old. I hate to leave him with at home with no one to defend him against my step dad. I always stood up for him shen Bert, thats my stepdad's name, would be rediculously rude for no reason. There's sometimes when my mom would step in and say something. My real dad is there, always around doing things with us, don't get me wrong. I have the greatest dad. I feel sorry because my dad is not onw for being alone and I think he's very lonely right now. Especially not that I'm gone, thats one less child for him to be with. I have an older brother too who goes to school at Vasser in New York. He's kind of lonely there right now and he's thinking about coming home and going to school in Texas. I love texas, I wouldn't want to live anywhere else.