ahs10/essays-big5 huggingface dataset:
I was looking forward to this game all week because last week they beat Michigan, the defending national champions. Also it doesn't help that most of my friends are anti-Notre dame so when they lose it makes it even worse. I really  thought that if Notre Dame could beat the national champions, they could beat Michigan state who is unranked. Besides that today has been kind of slow because I didn't wake up until about 3, it was a long night. The last couple of weekends have been like this, I stay out until 4 or so and then sleep till 2 or 3 the next day. When you wake up this late it really ruins the entire day because you think that most of the day is gone and you really can't get going. Also the weather has not helped the situation. I think the weather had been me more inclined to stay in my room and just sit around, not that that's really bad, it just kind of makes you feels unproductive. It is kind of nice that it had been cooler the last few days, I have been looking forward to wearing more long sleeve cold weather stuff but since it has been raining, its been kind of pointless. Besides, I have been trying to make it more cold than it really is. last night I planned on wearing a long sleeve sweater sort of thing but when I went outside for a little while I found it really wasn't all that cold, it was just cooler than normal. Right now I am also look forward to the next couple of weeks because I am planning on join the mavericks, the basketball spirit association for the university. This has also made me kind of nervous though because I hear that it is very straining physically. I hear that when you are first pledging, you have to wake up at 5am to work out with the group. This will probably suck because I am out of shape when it comes to running and cardiovascular stuff. They also have to lift weights, but I don't mind that =so much because I do that anyway. I hope that this organization will be worth my time and effort, I f so it will be fun, but I don't want to do it for a while and then quit because I don't like the people. Well the cowboy game is on right now, we are loosing but its ok. All this football stuff is getting me ready to play I'M football, this is my favorite I'M sport. We are getting a few teams together this year, I hope at least one will win there division, I would really like one of those intramural champion shirts but they are hard to get because so many teams play each year. I do think this year that I will be able to win one because I will know all the guys on my team, last year I played on an independent team and none of us knew each other. I really am looking forward to I'M football this year. It is almost time to go eat now and my writing time is about done and I am starting to drift out of the trance I was in when I was writing this a few minutes ago. This is actually a pretty fun exercise, its weird to see how my thought drift from one to the next, I was surprised to see how much I wrote and how fast the time went by.
The jumbled mess in my head goes on and confusion takes over. Sorting out feeling from feeling and sensation from sensation leaves me with a fatigue which overwhelms me with each passing day. Not totally sure of where to go or what to do, I feel as if I wander aimlessly amongst all the people. things pop into my mind, and they are the importances of certain classes, such as the tests coming up, and all the studying I still need to do. I think more about this until it consumes me, and then outcomes that might not usually happen come into mind. I can't help thinking about this as I sit here, yet I feel I shouldn't think so much about it. The possibility of failure seeps into my mind, and I can see myself never forgiving me for such mistakes. My breathing gets heavy for fear of what failure's consequences may bring. Like anxiety, I fear of failure, until something else wanders into my mind. As failure subsides, and my body is back to normal, the apathetic view of things set in. I start to feel lazy, and I don't want to work. I feel as if I am walking on a fine line, and a step to the right means laziness (although at the time is very tempting), just as a step to the left means productivity. The forces keeping me on this line are 1)the fear of failure which keeps me from being a sloth-like animal, and 2)the feeling that I am not being productive when I truly am. I guess it's like growing, in a sense, for the second force, that is, because when I see myself each day, I don't notice the changes that happen when comparing one's younger self to himself, now. Keeping this in mind, I guess I have found another reason why not to be lazy, but it seems like I will have to have self-disipline, which in a way is like teasing one's self for as long as you have to wait for the results. Maybe I'm still being a child who doesn't want to wait for his reward. I just don't know how to change myself in that direction of being so diligent even when things are not so great. I will have to learn if I want to remove myself from this line of opposing forces, and however tempting it may be to stay on this line, I will have to find the discipline within me to do such things as study, be diligent, and stay current with the right thing to do.
I needed to do something other than re-write re-writing a paper for   my freshman seminar. Yes, although the new IMac was the   #1   computer for college students,   it has already failed me twice. I   wrote the first copy of my paper yesterday, this morning I dragged   myself in after a long Saturday night to continue where I left off. The   screen was frozen, and my half-way written paper was beyond the   reachable distance between me and my computer screen. My words   are lost in the motherboard of this machine. And then it happened   again. I rewrote the paper, without a harsh-word. In fact, my second   copy was much more to my liking. It made more sense and fit   together. And then I wondered how long my paper was. I have this   tendancy to write in extra small font and single spacing so I'll   surprize myself at how much I've written when i allow myself the   viewing pleasure. When I hit the   paragraph   button, the   application   unexpectedly quit.  This time I allowed myself a splur of profanity   and allowed myself to make a few phone calls, since I'd had such   bad luck I might as well run the long-distance up as well. But since   no one wanted to talk to me, I turned back to the Imac. Not for my   damn paper on the film Matewan again. No, not yet. But for my psych   paper. With my luck this paper will also get lost in the matrix of the   unknown. Those unimaginable invisble power lines, where my   thoughts, words, and fonts flow to any other computer connected to   this wired (and now wireless) world. Now I'm all caught up in these   thoughts about the   deep unknown.  I've confused myself, my study   of psychology and science isn't deep enough for thoughts that   sometimes cross my mind. I should stick to the petty crush I have on   my RA and practicing for my dance tryout tonight. While psychology   is something that really does interest me, I'm not sure why. It's   classified as a science. The science of the mind, I've done my   readings. But I hate science. I hate math. In fact they're my worst   nightmare. Numbers and equations jumble up in my head and I   don't really care about the anatomy of ants or why the sun is so   bright. It just is. I can settle for that. Asking something any deeper is   frightening. No, it's not my   thing.  My thing? That would be visual   performance and art. Specifically, design. The word excites me.  Creation and design could be seen as similar. One could be a   science and one and art, or one in the same. But the science aspect   doesn't thrill me. It's the art. The color and the comfort. I love to   watch, to look, and to experience. Not to calculate. Maybe it's   shallow-that I won't to the shit work. But what's shit work to me is a   dream come true to another. My time runs out and my mind races   too fast to type my thoughts. If my writing is as confusing as it's   made me feel, I blame it on the techno music that my roommate is   blaring. Maybe the IMac doesn't like the music.
The way I feel has always been of interest to me. i have experienced so many emotions that at times my mind seem confused and bogged down with internal conflict. I have some what of a codependent personality and love to have relationships (longlasting perferably) with members of the opposite sex. To be completely honest, sex is usually not the primary motive for me in a relationship. Currently I feel somewhat lonely as all of my friends are currently in relationships that have been very beneficial to them. I live in an apartment which is not as advantageous as it seems. The people at Jester seem to be easily approached and my friends have met far more new people than I. I don't believe I am as happy about being in college for this reason. I love meeting new people. I find it hard to concentrate on work and am constantly thinking about certain people or friends I left behind. I seem to dwell on the past lately. I go on eating binges and then won't have an appetite for days to follow. I work out constantly and lately have been woried about my physical appearance. I many times dwell onthe question "Why do I not have a girlfriend, why do they not find me attractive. "  I guess part of the reason I feel this way is simply because as a child I was teased about being overweight. I guess I developed a level of self consciousness as a child and still to this day am woried about my weight. I've tried meeting people but the conventional means just do not seem to work for me. It is hard for me to approach a girl and that tends to bother me somewhat. Personally I tend to avoid large groups simply because id rather get acquainted with a person on a one on one basis. I also worry excessively about my grades. I guess from reading what I wrote my biggest feeling/emotion is lonliness.
I have never had to write like this for a class before, but I believe that I have done something similar to this on paper -- like in a journal or something. I'm not sure what I am going to write about for twenty minutes, but I guess it will not be that hard. there's a really cool song on channel 15 right now -- I heard it while I was doing my hoomework last night. it's like a live version of a song by Portishead. I think I'll go out and get the CD. when I have the money -- haha. this is a really cool group. I think I can get into their music. I'm  a real music lover. I think there's always a song of some sort playing in my head. I can't wait to hear a lot of the live music downtown. hopefully we (my roomates and I) will go soon. music and art are really my thing, even though right now my major is biology. I'll probably end up giving in and doing what I want to do. I just don't know how I'll make it (financially). but enough about that. lets see. gosh, Lake Travis is SO gorgeous. I really want to go back out there this weekend. it's so relaxing. I love being up here in austin. see, I'm from corpus christi - which is also a very pretty city - but it's just so FLAT down there. the land and everything. all we have is mesquite trees and cactus. the beach is great, but I grew up in a more rural part of south texas about 45 minutes or so from the beach. I can't imagine moving back to south texas though, not now that I've seen hills and trees. and no humidity!  my hair does great here. my parents should retire around here. might be good for thier alergies. I don't think I will live in austin forever, but as far as texas goes, I think it's the only place I might live. I want to travel though. see all the places I've never seen. maybe I'll study abroad. who knows. gosh, my parents would die. see, I'm the only child. I've already had to come home like 3 times since I moved here in august. I miss them too though. a lot. I guess maybe I'm not supposed to go off on a tangent like that. i'm just suppossed to write about what thoughts come to mind. but I guess those were what came to mind. hmmm. i'm tired. yes, I hope I'm able to get more sleep tonight than I did last night. maybe I'll get motivated and get all my work done before. oh. 2 o'clock?  probably not. but I'll get to sleep in friday and this weekend. I had better get motivated today. yeah, I guess after this I will begin studying and then go out for a jog. I always feel better after I excercise. and excercise is something I really need right now. there's just not enough hours in the day, you know?  I'm taking 16 hours and 3 of the five courses involve a lot of reading. the other two involve a lot of ananlytical thinking -- something I don't enjoy a whole lot. well, not at all, actually. ok, times up. twenty minutes. wow -- that went by more quickly than I thought it would. and check out my HUGE run-on paragraph!  I hate those. oh well.
I am at a study hall room at the time wondering what I will think about that I am going to write. There are people behind me talking and one went Ole Miss which makes me think of a friend of mine from high school who is a freshman there now. I wonder how he is doing now along with all my other friends that is not attending UT. There are actually several people going here from my high school but I only see about half of them on a regular basis. I am a little stressed with all the things going on because I have done the thing that everyone has said not to but I think no matter what it happens to everyone. It is just the thought of all the freedom and then all of a sudden a couple weeks go by and there are quizes, tests, and papers due at the same time. I am also stressed about so many different things such as a typical college freshman is. One guy said that his fine arts was theater and dance. That made me think about when I was confused on what to take when I was signing up for classes. People ask me what this is that I am typing because they can read exactly what I am thinking. I am actually hungary with all these people talking about food. Is kind of a word? Not sure but it should be. I just found a phone on the desk but completely forgot that it was mine until I opened it up. I lost my phone a week ago so I don't have any of the numbers that I used to have, I hope this is not being graded for correct grammer because I am trying to type as fast as I think. I have already been typing for 10 minutes already and am wondering what else I am going to talk about. I also don't know what class I am going to drop, which haves to be done tomorrow. I cannot take 16 hours that I am currently signed up for so I will drop one to drop down to 13 hours. A friend of mine just called saying that he cannot make it to lunch. A guy is just now sitting beside me and he is about to start eating something. That makes me hungary again. He is reading everything I type and just corrected me on a mistake. I am running out of things to say or talk about. I am thinking now about my place and hearing some stories in the background. Most people are done with their homework and are asking me questions about this assignment, I am actually kind of comfortable right now at the computer. I don't have a computer yet at my apartment so it is really hard for me to get to an actual one to do assignments and get notes off the internet. I have yet to figure out how many notes to take from class since everything is different in college. I have a lot of stuff to do like go to WalMart, the grocery store and other places to get caught up on everything. Only a few more minutes left until I am done with this. I wonder again if this is for completion grade or even if it is going to be read. I bet the counselors read all these to see if we are all okay since majority of the class is freshman. Wow, I cannot believe that the twenty minutes is almost up. I'm going into a blank thought because of this pressure that the timer is putting on me for some reason. What else should I say?
Well, I'm in my boyfriend's room typing this. I'm pretty sleepy too, I'm in  Longhorn band, so I had practice last night until about 8:30. Then I went  to a freshman meeting and decided to run for freshman representative. Believe  it or not, I actually won. It surprised me a lot because I don't know anyone. I've met lots of people, but I don't really have any good friends there. It makes  me really happy. I feel like I can now establish myself there and be a  leader in LHB. This assignment is pretty weird because I really do write like this in my spare time. Whenever I get stressed, I usually grab a notebook and just write  everything that comes to mind. This is different though, it's a little harder to type your feelings. It somehow loses some emotion or something. There's really not much stress in my life right now, except the usual  going to college stuff, but I'll write about that later. My French horn teacher was really mean to me on Wednesday. He's this  little old man that looks kind of like Yoda. He always wears bolo ties and well, he's just a little jerk. He enjoys watching his students cry and have emotional breakdowns. We'll see!  I've never let him see me cry and I never will. I think he sees me as a challenge. I mean, he's really talented and of coarse I have lots of respect for him. I just don't  understand why he enjoys hurting people so much. There is a picture of my boyfriend and me on the wall. I like it. (I actually look decent in it) I always look ugly in pictures. I have this  friend that always comes out pretty in pictures. I'm jealous. Well, I've surpassed my 20 minutes, so I better go.
Well where should I start. First of all this has got to be one of the strangest writing assignments that I have ever had to do. I'm not even sure what to write about. My day started at 6:30 today because I have an 8 o'clock class which is really fun. not as fun as this class but fun non-the-less. then I went to my medical terminology class which could be more fun but its hard to make a class that is based on memorization fun. then I had a break from 10 to 3:30 which would really suck if I didn't have plans. so after my class I went to jester then met up with a friend of mine an signed up for a I'm flag football team. well anyway, I'm not even sure if I'm doing this assignment right because all I am doing is describing what I did today. any way I really enjoyed today's material in class. at first I wasn't sure if I would like the class but now I really believe that it might be my favorite class right now. Considering that I have and extremely hot instructor for my RHE 306 class. Its crazy hot attractive she is. But now I'm thinking about another girl that I have a crush on. Today she invited me over to her apartment to have some burgers with her and her roommates. I'm not sure if she knows how I feel, but I'm having a hard time reading her. Usually I'm pretty good about being able to tell if a girl is feeling me but she seems to be different which doesn't make things any easier. I also got to talk to my roommates about things that had been on my mind which was refreshing because I had been wanting to talk to them for a while. Things seem to be really good between us which isn't too surprising because we're all pretty decent guys, though one does tend to get to us sometimes. I am going blank right now but hopefully something will come to mind. On yeah, I got to talk to my parents today which wasn't too bad. My dad didn't say much because he had football practice but he said that the team was coming around which is always good to hear because he puts a lot of effort and time into his work. My mom called on her way to a Bible study and said that she would be sending a few things with the girl I have crush on this weekend since she is going home Friday. anyway crush is such a high school word now, what I really meant was girl I'm attracted to. What's really funny is that this is the girl that my mom has been wanting me to get with since I was in 10th grade. and every time she would tell me I would brush it off knowing that the girl was attracted to me but now that I'm into her it kind of sucks because now I have to put much more effort into it. Now don't get me wrong, because I'm not trying to make it seem like I'm am lazy but I truly am not used to putting in so much work. I know it may sound cockeye but if it does I'm sorry, please don't think of me like that. what's even funnier is that who ever reads this may not even get to meet more or me meet them but any way its been about twenty minutes so we'll talk later, or I'll type and you'll read later.
Right now, as I am writing this paper, I am thinking that I have a lot reading to do this coming up weekend for the following week's classes. I have a pounding headache, which I believe I got while walking to and from my Spanish class because I forgot my sunglasses in my dorm room. Otherwise, I am looking forward to this weekend. Tonight my boyfriend and I are probably going to sixth street for a little while and tomorrow we are going to the Texas vs. Louisiana football game, the first game of the season. I'm really excited about the football game, but I hope it's not too hot (although I'm sure it will be). My boyfriend's parents are also coming in for the game and they are taking us out to eat for dinner. I'll be glad to have a break from the repetitive dorm cafeteria food. On Sunday, I'm meeting my friends who goes to Southwest and we are going to Schlitterbahn water park. I'm having a hard time writing this because my head really hurts. I took two Aleves, but I suppose they have not kicked in yet. While I do my homework I always have to have some kind of noise, whether it be music, television, or a fan, to be able to concentrate on what I am doing. When it is completely silent my mind seems to wander from what I am writing or reading and I end up thinking about something completely different, then looking back at the paragraph I just read and asking myself "what did I just read?" I hate when I do that because I feel like I just wasted 10 minutes of my time and I don't even know what I was doing while wasting. I don't know. That probably didn't make much sense at all. At the moment, my fan is on, my radio is playing, and my roommate is talking to her mom on the telephone, so there is plenty, almost too much, noise going on around me. I really am enjoying this assignment because it just puts everything that you think about for 20 minutes onto a piece of paper. When I look at it I think that I must be a slow typist because I thought I think about a lot more things in 20 minutes than this. It has now been 20 minutes so I am ending my paper and trying to think of a good way to end it but it is not coming to me at the moment.