ahs10/essays-big5 huggingface dataset:
here I am writing a required stream of consciousness essay. but the weird thing is that it just has to be done. it doesn't matter what I write about. right now Im listening to some music that my parents would consider useless noise. it upsets me that they think that the music from their generation is so perfect and magical and music from my generation is crap. and they think that all of the musicians I listen to are miserable drug addicted singers. their music had its fair share of messed up people. Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, jimmy Hendrix, the grateful dead. despite the fact that these people and other were pretty messed up, they are regarded as some of the gods of rock and roll. I just wish that they wouldn't assume that every band around now is like Kurt Cobain and nirvana. in fact, if my parents would give it a chance they might actually enjoy some of my music like Dave Matthews band, blues traveler, and phish. but I don't want to get off on a rant here. my little window is right next to my computer and I have such a spectacular view. I get to look at the loading dock of the jester cafeteria and on occasion I get to wake up to delivery trucks dropping off some barely edible food at 6:30 am. one would think that with all of the thousands of students at UT and the hundreds living at jester center, they might have some food that tastes as good as week old liver and onions. I figured that I would be in excellent shape after a semester of living at jester because I walk everywhere, but the food at jester is so loading with fat that it doesn't matter how much you eat. if the university can afford to make millions of dollars of renovations and additions to Darrell K. Royal Texas Memorial Stadium, then maybe the could get rid of the somewhat rancid smell in the halls and make the rooms a little warmer that 15 degrees. then they go and build a huge parking garage over a big parking lot. it seems like a good idea until you realize a couple things. about the first two levels are reserved for faculty. if you are lucky enough to get a space in the garage then you have to pay 600 dollars a semester. most of the people that are willing to spend that type of money for parking don't live in jester. they live at Dobie or university towers. of course, I don't have any personal feelings about that issue but I thought someone else should know about it. all in all though , university of Texas is a great place because of a lot of things. beautiful campus, interesting people, a great sports program and , most importantly, absolutely gorgeous women. why would anyone want to go anywhere else especially in Texas. a friend of mine got into duke but that was the only place that she would want to go if she didn't go to UT. Baylor: small campus, nothing to do, and you hang out with the same people from high school. Texas Tech: What is in Lubbock? and their sports program is a joke because the athletes arent real students. Byron hanspard, their star running back had a 0. 00 gpa in his last semester. Texas A&M: do I even have to explain? well my 20 minutes is up and I have to go to class. Hook 'Em Horns!
Okay, well,  I am watching the movie XXX"  I'm not really watching it because I'm typing, but I'm listening to it. I really can't type that well, so there are probably going to be a few misspelled words. My sister made me mad a while ago because I asked her to call me when her husband got home and she didn't. I looked outside because they live next door to me and his truck was there. I was like "Okay, why hasn't she called me?"  Oh well, whatever. Oh, I don't know what to do. My friend hooked me up with her friend Carlos. He is really nice, but I feel bad being with him because I'm still in love with my ex boyfriend Jorge. Well, my friend Melissa told me that Carlos already loves me. That's not cool because we've only been together for like 3 days. I love Jorge so much!  I don't know. Man, I just heard somebody. I hope it wasn't my mom. She is always bothering me. We really don't get along. I came home and my room was a little rearranged. I know that my mom was in my room. She was probably looking through my things. That's not even cool because I had a letter by my bed that had some very personal things written in there. I'm pretty damn sure that my mom read it. She is always going through my things. I think that I probably should've lived on campus or maybe got an apartment. She is always yelling at me like if I'm a little kid. I need to get a cell phone because she is always getting mad because people are calling me. She gets mad when she doesn't recognize their name. She comes and asks me "Who's so and so?"  She also gets mad because my friends call me late. They call me at like 2 or 3 on the morning. I tell them they can call me late though. Anyway, I need a cellular. Ah, I don't know what to do with Carlos. He wants to buy me a cell phone, a ring and send a dozen of roses to my house. I know that's sweet, but I don't like for guys to buy me things, especially not expensive stuff, but I do need a cell phone. I don't know. I miss Jorge. We were supposed to get married. He told me that he loved me and would never leave me or break up with me, but he did. He had our life planned out. He knew what kind of cars we were going to have, how many kids we were going to have and what our house was going to look like. I hate it, because I don't even know why we broke up. He gave me all of these excuses, but I knew they weren't true. I later found out, like a whole year later, that two stupid girls broke us up because they were jealous that we were together. They probably liked him and wanted him for themselves. That's another thing that bothers me. If it was because of a good reason, then I would understand, but they made him believe that I cheated on him. I loved him so much and would never have done that to him. I don't understand why he believed them anyway. If he had any doubts, he should've asked me if it was true instead of just believing them.
Well, I just got back from my Zeta meeting. It was cool. After the meeting, we went to this show where this guy hypnotized people. It was so funny!  Some of my pledge sisters where some of the subjects. It was hillarious to see them and the funny things he made them do. I can't believe I waited until now to write this. I'm usually the type of person who gets things done ahead of time. I think all of this freedom makes me feel like I have nothing to do. I missed a homework assighnment in Kinesiology the other day. I couldn't believe it. Tomorrow we're going to have this "relationship talk" with the Delts. It's going to be really fun, I can't wait. This time is going by really slowly, I just know that I'm going to run out of stuff to say. I'm really hungry, I haven't eaten since 5:00. I've noticed that I eat more often now. I think it's because I work out (or try to) three times a week. I always feel so much better when I work out. Hopefully, I'll be able to keep it up for the rest of the year. The dreaded "freshman fifteen"  is not going to get me!  This Thursday, I have a meeting with my doctor about my knee. It's been giving me problems. I had surgery on it last October. The crappy thing is that my other knee is starting to feel the same way. God, why was I born with ghetto knees?  Okay, I feel like I've been writing forever and it's onlt been 10 minutes. I am dreading all of the writing I'm going to have to do next semester. English is going to suck next semester!  I've never been any good at English. I don't enjoy it in the least bit. On the other hand, I love this psychology class!  Every day I get to come, I look forward to it. Our professor is hilarios. I don't know what it is that makes him such an awesome teacher, he just is. Every day, I come home and tell my roommate all that we discussed that day. I enjoy reading our textbook, I actually find the information interesting!  (much unlike my other classes)  I wish Psychology was a more job-promising field. I would definately look into it if it was. Okay, five more minutes, I think I can BS my way through it!  I'm waiting on my this guy Kevin to call me. I'm not sure what exactly he is to me. We're dating, and we wouldn't date anyone else, but I feel funny calling him my boyfriend. Okay, my roomate just blared the TV. If I did that while she was trying to do homework, she would eat my head off!!!!!  Okay this last minute will be used to sign off. I wish all of my writing assignments were this easy!  There, D-O-N-E!
The problem I have with this writing assignment is that there is so much going on in my life right now that all of these different worries and concerns keep popping into my head. The one thing that I am looking forward to is that today I am meeting my parents in La Grange for dinner. They are giving me my fraternity dues in the form of a check and my answering machine . My pledge brother Brian is listening to MTV right now so it is very hard to concentrate and rigit is pissing me off. My humanities course is causing me a lot of stress because the teacher did not pass out any kind of syllabus so I have no idea how I will be graded. It just occurred to me that this essay is sounding more like the second writing assignment than the first, but I guess it doesn't really matter if school is what's on my mind. The girl next door has been on my mind a lot. Lately I find myself wondering what she is doing even though we agreed to be just friends because she lives next door. And now that I think about it another girl is always on my mind too. However she lives upstairs and I'm pretty sure I could hook up with her if I wanted. I am very excited about my fraternity. I am looking forward to our bar tap on Friday and I have promised myself I wouldn't drink until then. I really need to establish a routine, because I think once I do that I will be a lot less stressed. I need to start working out again to so that I won't feel like a complete piece of crap for partying too much. Last night I went to San Marcos to see the girl I am kind of dating but actually I don't feel any kind of affection for her. Which is something I should tell her because she apparently likes me alot. I think I am starting to get kind of sick . Probably has something to do with the fact I go to bed between 5 and 6 every night, but at least I scheduled afternoon classes.
I have too much to and not enough time to do it. I hate feeling stressed. I really wish that I could just snap my fingers and have everything be done for me. When I get like this I can't concentrate on anything else. I feel like I need to just start doing the things I need to do and everthing will be okay. I am also really tired, and I know that I am not going to be getting much sleep anytime soon. I am frustratd about my computer. I need toget everything hooked up but I have to wait until someone helps me. My roommate is very messy and I think I will not be able to handle it for much longer. I wonder why my parents haven't called, and what my boyfiend did last night. I am excited about this weekend. I can't wait until the football game. I am nervous about a Pre-cal quiz. I need to get a hold of my professor, but I don't know if I can. I also need to start reading. Too much to do and not enough time to do it. I should of prepared earlier. I'm trying to think about what else is going through my mind and I'm having troubles doing so because that's all I'm thinking about. I'm wondering how hard my classes are going to be. I am excited about this class and my speech class, but not chemistry and Pre-cal. I am reallt worried about my Pre-cal class I need to go to tutoring or something. I have 5 more minutes to type. I feel like I am different from some of the girls in my sorority, and that scares me. The whole sorority thing is overwhelming. Once everything gets started things could get better. I feel like I am writing in a diary that people are going to read. I think I worry too much. I wish that life could be easier. I feel sorry for my parents. I hate community baths. People should not be so gross and messy. I really just want to go back to bed. This assignment is done.
right now I'm a little bit stressed anb  about getting all my homework done that is do on friday due tommorrow  and getting enough sleeop at the same time  never enough time   too much to due too little time  I also need to clean up my room and do the dishes. I should also say that I only have one arm to type this because the other one is in a cast so I probably wont write as much as everyone else. although have a lot of homework to do tonite, I'm happy because I only have one class tomorrow and then the weekend is here and I don't have any classes to go to. I'm also happy that this is such an easy assignment and that we get credit for it. my roomate is bothering me quite a bit at the moment cause he wont shut up. I really don't like him very much, but at least he is just my roomate and I don't have to hang out with him. now I hope that he doesn't see what I wrote. I'm excited about this weekend cause it will be time to get away from school. I don't know or care what I'm doing though. maybe I shouldnt feel this way so early in the year, but I just don't feel like doing all of the work I have to do for school, I would rather just sit in the living room and watch tv and relax. I'm tired now and I feel like going to sleep, but the nthought of my math hw wont let me relax until it is all done. now I'm wondering if someone is actually going to read all of these writing assignments, I feel sorry for whoever has to do that, but I guess they are divided up between the ta's. my twenty mins is almost up so I'm thinking about what I'm goin g to write for the next ass. well twenty mins is up now, so goodbye.
I'm at my grandmother's house and it's pouring rain. I was supposed to go to this meeting for the Texas Sweethearts but since it's raining I'm not going to go. Even though the social events aren't required its going to bug me all night wondering if the current sweethearts are going to hold it against me. Even though I know other people probably won't go I still feel like I will stick out as not going and I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. I really don't know. I couldn't be any more tired. I waited in line for 5 in a half hours to get a ticket to the Texas-Ou game. It was so chaotic. It's amazing to see how much people will pay for those tickets. Some people were going as high as $300 for one ticket that they sell for $75. Luckily I got one and I'm so happy. I had to go to work after that and it felt like I had just gone swimming because I was drenched in sweat. I looked so bad and I went in 2 hours late. I thought I was going to get fired. I'm going to stay at my grandma's house since it's  raining, I wonder what I'm going to wear?  Why do I care so much?  People go to school looking ten times worse than me and no one cares, but I can't get myself to go to school without makeup. I wish I wasn't so self-conscious. It's weird, you always think you look fine until it comes someone else's turn to judge you than you get nervous about what they think. Who cares?  That's how I wish I could feel. Even though I wear sweat shorts and t-shirts to school I still care if they match or I wonder if I wore it last week. Why can't I stop caring about what people might think about me?  I bet no one even pays attention to me. I really don't know if I'm vain for thinking that people look at me or insecure because I care if they do. I can't believe my boyfriend hasn't called me yet. I met this girl yesterday at the sweetheart meeting and she seemed so cool. We talked and got along and she drove me to my car and we were going to go to the social together. When I called her though she didn't seem the same she was just like Oh, it's you or I don't know. Maybe I expect to much out of people. It just seemed to me that she was being fake yesterday by the way she was acting towards me today. I can't wait until time is up, but it actually hasn't seemed that long. I didn't really think this would be this easy. I guess you can tell things to a computer and it won't tell you to shutup after you complain to much. I WONDER IF I SHOULD READ FOR MY Class tomorrow?  I feel so exhausted like I haven't slept in days and today wore me out. I feel like I could sleep for three days. Hopefully pretty soon I'll catch on to this whole college thing. I have exactly 45 seconds and I really don't know what to write so I'm just going to say that I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy that I got a TExas-Ou ticket again because it the best thing that has happened in a while.
I'm so tired right now. I wish I could just sleep in my bed at home right now. Man, my feet smells. I guess it's time to wash the slippers. Gosh, right now would be a good time to get a nice massage. My back is aching now. When will I get used to this new change? I don't know if I can make it. Well, I have to. I must. Everyone expects me to. Of course I expect myself to succeed as well but everything has just been so overwhelming. So much information is given in the class and I don't know what I should write down. Ok. I'm tired of listening to the same song. What are they talking about? It makes no sense to me. Alright. Piano music is the way to go. Yeah. This will relax me. I need to rest my eyes. Can I type with my eyes close? No, I'll probably start typing some wrong stuff and then it'll be a waste of time. Hm. I think I should put this printer box somewhere else. It's kind of annoying me in a way. But then again, I need to put my feet over it for support. Books, books, books. I'm tired of them already. I can't believe I was actually excited about learning all this new stuff. Now I'm dreading every minute of it. My forehead itches. I'm so bored. This is really crazy. My goodness, there's about twelve more minutes remaining. Ah! I think I'm about to fall asleep on this laptop. Hm, roommate's back now. I wonder if she ate dinner yet. She probably went to eat with her boyfriend or so. Hm, do I need anything else for my dorm? I think I should decorate it more. It still looks a little plain at the moment. I guess I should utilize some of my time for creative matters. Yeah. I should make more cranes and turtles to put around my area. Aww. The crane and turtle on my laptop looks so cute. Ouch. I bite my lip. Where did roommate go? She left again already? Maybe she is just now going out to eat since she came back with her backpack just now. I don't know. Geez. Now that guy finally decides to respond me. It's about time. I instant messaged him like a while back. hm. The Asian talent show was quite interesting. That one skit by VSA was pretty cool. Too bad the guy's voice was spoken by a girl. That made him seem pretty gay. Oh okay. So it was a girl's voice because it was suppose to be the voice of a young boy. I see now. Yay! I have four minutes remaining. So what am I thinking about now? Oh man, JAY is so fine looking. I need a bigger poster of him to put on the wall. Gosh I don't like this chair I'm sitting now. It's not very comfortable. I feel like rolling back and forth but there arent any wheels. This sucks! Hm. I should go work out tonight. I have not done that in about a week already. This is not good. I have to stay in shape. I don't want to gain the freshman fifteen like people say. Either way, I just want to be fit. I think I should head out there right now.
How strange is it to be sitting in a room, a strange room, in the dark without lights and two sleeping zombies around you. The only sounds I hear are the clicking noises coming from the keyboard, the humming sound of the computer, the air conditioning that sounds like running water from a nearby restroom and an occasional door slam now and then. I hope I am not making too much noise. I don't want to disturb the steady sleepers around me as they let me use their computer. I can't wait till my roomate's computer gets fixed or until my brother finally puts mine together. I wonder if my friend has arrived at Dobie and is coming up to find me in this room at this very minute. HOw much time has passed. Oh I still have four more minutes. I wonder what my boyfriend is doing this very minute? I think he is working. Should I go out with my friends tonight? No I'm going to stay home and read tonight. I miss my parents, the homecooked meals, and my boyfriend. I wonder if my friends miss me as much as I miss them? Life in Austin is pretty great, yet something seems to be missing in my life here. I think I'm still getting adjusted with this new style of life---no sleep, total independence, and the new surroundings and friendships, which are not the norms that I have been accustomed to all my years living in Houston. I had a routine in Houston, which can not exist here.
Well I have to say I'm alittle nervous about this assignment. Writing for twenty minutes continously will be a challenge sine I don't think I can even sit in the say seat for twenty min. but anyways. Michelle I hope this is sufficient, and I'm sorry that you have to look over all of these. THat's quite a task. I'm in the computer lab and there is a guy using a typewriter . I think that's kind of odd. but whatever. THen there is a girl next to me who could probably type 1000 words a minute and I'm over here using my index fingers. Anyway I don't really know where to begin Maybe I'll talk about the use this exersze would be to a psychologist. I bet you can tell a lot form one of these. People are probably honest and least once they get going. And honesty is hard to find these days. We are all actors on the stage of life. "  I take this to mean, to our outside world we put on plays. We are afraid of truely being ourselves {whatever that means} and we end up conforming into a type of behavior that is acceptable to our society. I know If everyone followed this belief, then we would all be the same. But good thing about it, is we all have different wviews of what society is,  And we have diiferent feelings toward that society. Such as rebellion, isolation, acceptance, contentiveness, that's not a word is it. but you know what I mean. I do know this isn't crazy the way things work, how well basically the same but we can be so different. It's very humbling to me. To be just another face in the crowd but there is so much there twhen you look at it. Sometimes I like to look at life{my reality} as a fractal. If you don't know a fractal is geometric chaos. It has an infinite amount of surface area, so If you look at one point, it turns into another point, and so on and so on. THat's what I think the human brain is like. You have human race as a species, then country, then state, then county, then town, then extended family, then nuclear family, then the mind itself, and in comparison to the rest of theat one hasn;t gone anywhere. THere is so much learn.