My thoughts are all jumbled right now. My life is so different now than it was 2 months ago. I had no idea that leaving home and beginning a life on my own would change me so much. For years now, I've anticipated this change in my life. I've so wanted to be on my own. not because there's anything wrong with my life at home, but because I've always been an independent person. i've always felt I needed to do things for myself. take care of myself. not be such a burden. Today. tons of things have gone through my mind. Most of the day. it has been sleep. I love Saturdays. i love to sleep and not have to worry about getting up to do anything. But. at times. i think about home. the things I'm missing. and the things they're missing about me. I think about my little brother. and how I'm missing him grow up. I know I've only been gone for three weeks, but he has changed in my eyes so much in those three weeks. I think about the birthdays I'm missing because I just can't make it home every weekend. And I think about my friends. my best friend, Amber. how I miss talking to her about EVERYTHING. How I wish she were here to experience all the stuff that I'm experiencing right now. I think a lot about my "boyfriend". i put it in quotes because we're not exclusive anymore. we're "dating other people". i think about how much I miss him. his eyes. his laugh. his attention. But today when I woke up, the first thoughts that came to my head was. Nikki, you have two papers to write for Psychology. better get it done. Nikki, you have to mail you're grandmother a birthday card. you're going to miss her birthday this year. Nikki, you have to mail your paycheck home so Mom can deposit it for you. Nikki, you have no money left from that paycheck. so STOP SPENDING. Life is so different for me now. i've got so much to think about everyday. like I haven't done laundry in a week and a half. and I'm running out of clothes. i have to get that done too. At times, I miss having my mom there to remind me of everything. to tell me to do stuff. but at times, I don't miss that. i'm glad I'm getting things done without having to be told. I think about other stuff too. like. where am I going to live next year?. am I going to be friends with the same people?  I've been so lucky up to this point. i've got the greatest friends. they'd do anything for me and each other. I love them. and I've only known them for three weeks. I've got to think about work too. how different it is from work at home. how there are just those days when I just don't want to go. and how I'm so glad that I get a break today and don't have to go in. Don't get me wrong. i love my job. it's just. i feel overwhelmed at times. My friends are going this way. and that way. and none of them have jobs. when I'm working almost every weeknight. Sometimes I feel deprived. of there time. of my own time. but then I remember that I am now a responsible adult. and I am doing things for myself. I have to find a church down here in Austin, too. I've never had the experience of doing that before. i've always been a member of the same church. always been around the same people. coming from a small town, that happens. But God is a big part of my life. and I've got to find a church. i worry about that a lot. It's something new for me. and I'm scared. Right now. i'm thinking about how cold it is in this stupid room. and how it didn't do me any good to shave my legs. oh, and how cold it's going to be this winter. so glad I bought a down comforter. Well. that's about all I'm thinking about lately. so I guess this brings my paper to an end. Thanks for listening.