I just don't understand why things didn't work out. How can you honestly be so mean. I thought that you loved me. I loved you. I still love you. What went wrong?  I can't remember what went wrong last semester, but I am sure you would remind me if you had to. Gaw this song by John Mayer reminds me of you. Our love was so comfortable, so broken in. "  Why did my parents disapprove of you and us?  Are you really that bad?  Are you really not that good for me?  I thought I could trust my own emotions. Why don't my parents trust me?  Or is it even a trust issue. Can I really not love at such a young age?  Ug. So many questions running through my mind. Why are you all I think about?  Wow, I wonder if this is obsessive. How do you even spell that darn word. Haha. Why do I always think in question form. Man, I want to go see you so bad. I really think I am coming for your birthday. But am I going to regret it?  Gaww, everyone tells me not to go. But they should take their own advise sometimes. I mean they don't even think the Bible is real. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one who believes in God. How can I trust my friends advice when they don't even believe the same thing I do!  If only I knew what God wanted for me. Talk about a stressful time. I never knew college would be so difficult. Academically I figured it would be but emotionally. Wow. Its incredible how much I have already changed. For the better?  I hope. I think I have though. I just wish I had you back Robert. I wish things could be like they used to. Why did you even call and apologize for everything you did wrong?  I know you still love me. Why do you even want me to come see you?  Do you want to be back with me?  I know you don't. Or do you ? You have fun being single. Why can't I?  Why can't I meet someone else to take my mind off of you. Are you the one?  Man, should I even be thinking like this at 20?  Ha. Maybe I am weird. Oh well. This song is extremely depressing. I am glad my roommates aren't here or they would be making fun of me for listening to it. Get over Robert Kimberly! Get over him!  If only  they knew I am trying, so hard. Gosh, its not like I have not prayed every night for Gods help. I mean geeze. I don't think he is suppose to be out of my life. But then if he is not, why was he so mean to me. I would have never done that to him. Never hurt him for anything. I guess I am a door mat. Its not that I let people walk all over me, its just that I don't ever want anyone to feel what I have. Why would I ever let anyone hurt on purpose?  If I had to choose between myself experiencing hurt and someone else, I would take the hurt in a second. I hate seeing people suffer. I will suffer before anyone I love does. So does that make me a door mat. Am I really too forgiving?  People can change. Or is that my fantasy world. I want to be with you Robert. So why can't I?  Because of my parents?  Yeah right. I can make my own decisions. Gaw, am I really that immature too?  No!  I am very mature for my age. He was always there for me when I needed him the most. He was my shoulder to cry on. Yeah last year was tough and I may have been to needy and dependent on him. But the break up made me realize that and now I am not as dependent. I am fine without him and I realized I have to  make myself happy. So why does not he want to be with me now?  Does he?  He calls me all the time. Tells me he loves me and misses me. Wow I thought girls were complicated. Lol. That is why I need to see him. I need to read his eyes. The second he looks at me I will be able to tell what he feels without him even saying anything. I am good at that. I can read people easy. I get it from mom. Man she can see right though me. So then why couldn't she see how special Robert was for me. Gosh, I should seriously be thinking about something else other than him. Like school. Hehe. That is more important. But then he is too. He is everything I want in a husband when he is good. I mean he has his flaws but don't we all. Forgive and forget. That is what I do. That is what Pastor Ball said yesterday. You have to forgive a person to enjoy them again. Well, I have forgiven everyone I know. Why can Robert be forgiven. Why can't they let him be apart of my life. I get so angry when I think about it all. I love you parents, but man you really messed up this time. I  have forgiven you for it. So forgive Robert. Geeze, my hands are starting to hurt. Lol. Not used to this much typing. Its like he is a disease. I can't get rid of him in my mind. Now that is unhealthy. But I can push you aside when I need to. Like tonight, way to much homework to dwell on him. Yeah that is what messed me up last semester. To emotionally involved. But this semester I am so much better. I have control over my life again. Yeah!  But I just can't get upset if things don't go my way. I mean life has its ups and downs. And its not Robert that I need in my life. I just need to keep God in my life and He will help me. But then again I wouldn't mind having Robert too. Hehe.