What to write about? I don't really know. Should I talk about my fears of not successeding in life. Of my fears of never finding the true some one. Or maybe about the sadness I feel when I think about my past four years in highschool. The friendships I made and my heart that got broken more than once. Or should I talk about my family. One of my little brothers that we have a connection that is so strong I miss him very much. Or maybe I should talk about the hopes of a good year. Or maybe I should just concentrate on my work here and forget about the emotional stuff, maybe that will help. I came here for a reason, to kae something out of myself and make alot of money because of it. I also came to prvoe and show off to people that I am some body. I don;'t really know what to say. My head keeps going back to the first person I let in my heart that ended up breaking it. Why I don't know I got over him but when you hear that he has a new girlfriend it just hurts. But then I think I must lose weight so when I go back I can make him regret it. But what do I care he is not even thinking about the future. I want to have a good job with alot of money, with a loving and faithful husband, and two great sons. I guess I want boys becasue I really never got along with any girls. Me and my sister really don't have that close of bond becasue she betrade my trust and I don't really know if we can ever have the same bond. However, I I do have a great connection with my cousin who is a sophmore in highschool she knows everything about, just like my mom. My mom knows everything about me too. People think that it is weird that I tell her everything, but I don't. I can't tell my father everything because he has this vision of me that I never ever want to disappoint him. He sees me as this smart girl who can do anything. I don't see it. I believe that I can make anything out of myself, but I don't know if I can actually do it. Is it going to be to hard? I really can't tell. My dad says he will love me even if I don't make it but he says it is nonsense to think that I won't I have to prove this to myself and family and my so called friends that I left behind. None of them have really kept that much in touch only like 2 or three. Am I being selfish to think that my friends can't even email me. But I am glad I left. Most of my friend were under class men in highschool becuase  the senior   friends   that I had were never really my friends I just hanged out with them once in a while and when ever i did I felt like such an outcast. I sometimes feel like that once in a while. But I guess everyone feels out of place once in their life. I think I just have to let go of my past and MOVE on. I have to start my life here make new friends. I haven't even made one yet. I have to break out of my quiet shell and just take the risk and try to meet people. This is my time to live on my own on my rules, I justgot to wake up and do it. I have to focus on all my goals and then just do it and after I do this I should look at the end of the tunnel and see my future the things I am destined to do. Hopefully they will be great and my life will have happiness and success. Now if my roomate will stop talking to me i could write more. Mut time is ending and I must leave now.