Okay, my thoughts. a jumble right now, let's see if I can sort them out. My feelings are peaceful array, overwhelmed, giving God praise and glory for His awesomeness. I just looked at a person, just looked at his face, tried to figure out if he was good-looking or not and then punished myself for doing it because I have a guy, I need to stop looking at others. Or do I, confusion is going on in there right now but also a  peace or something that is covering over all of it. Put there by God I know His truth will come out in time. I am suppressing something, a feeling I have a lot. Suppressing emotions, bad things, allowing myself to think of something??  I don't know, is it a discipline to control the mind. deep down is that constant. God is there watching loving taking care of me, His will is at the center, my will fighting with His will, but another side of me so wanting Him  to take over and control my whole life. I am tired, but why?  I slept in until 9:00a. m. today, I shouldn't be tired, I wonder if the sky and weather outside have anything to do with it??  a little bit down. i didn't hear from Jeromed today yet. always that little doubt, is he given up?  but I doubt but deep deep down I know ther is something there holding it so strong, or stopping me from worrying and getting taken over by it, a holding on so hard to God and knowing that what He has deemed right and true will come for I have given Him my life to be in control of . Why did that Psychology test ask such dumb questions?  I mean about sex and just assuming that everyone has had it and asking about it. I feel a little bit dirty considering and thinking about those different types of sex there are. I am pure, a virgin and I plan to stay that way until marriage. It is so sad, but those types of people must be rare in the world today, I have been secluded from the real world it seems, well kind-of, not too much. Actually what is the real world. I'm thinking and holding onto the fact that actually the way God sees things is the real world. We can blind ourselves so easily to what is real and fake and what really does or doesn't matter. People care so much about nothing. things that won't last things that won't follow aor come with them after they die, now I'm getting bored with this subject but I want to finish it out. I so desire my roommates to come to know Christ. I am worried about my witness and just as I live what I portray, today's society doesn't care about who or what you worship, oh it's all good , hey that's great you believe in this and she in that and I in this. How sad is that, the truth is God,  but also people won't accept that unless God is there working , what does convince a person to become a Christian or is that the right words to use, now onto camp, a picture of the campfire with boys all around it, the orange nice comforting mysterious warm flames in the middle of a set of logs and as I approach it down the steep hill I hear jabbering and talking and I see the beautiful red, orange, pink cloud overhead, how is that so beautiful?  How do those colors come out?  I don't know, but it  is awesome!  then I see the staff, Jerome, Susan, Nicole (she most prevelently), Holly, and others. then I sit next to Jerome and my heart just warms up, I don't know what to say or where  to look and I'm just glad I'm next to him, we can't touch, don't let the kids know that we are dating, it would be better if they didn't know about this, Jerome had said,  okay, with God's help I can behave myself. It's not that hard to make myself do something, good. We sit there and I just glance at him and his one yellow and blue eye and his other blue eye, how in the world did someone so handsome and with so much integrity and love come to want me and want to date me and care for me. I don't know, I have no idea about myself, it's just me and though, me , a continuous struggle and fight to let God rule and reign or me to take over. Again how is Christ going to shine. I don't want to change with god and though deep down he is there and it seems nothing will change that, but how do I know what will happen in the future?  I don't, but the one person I do know and is always there is in the future now and knows. all-knowing, all-powerful, everywhere, God!! Not myself, I can't ever be god I am so fallible and a sinner!  Only God!  Okay, just looked at the clock and actually I am enjoying this writing all my thoughts. At the beginning I was skeptical of this whole assignment. why should I focus on myself?  anyway, it is fun to put into words my thoughts and interesting what I actually think about within 20 minutes. It seems a lot of Jerome and of God and issues. These are my thougts for the last 20 minutes. Hmmm! :)