Why don't the washing machines ever work in my dorm? I mean I swipe and swipe my student I'd and nothing. Nothing ever starts up. I don't carry change on me just because I know Ill spend it on dumb stuff, so I guess Ill never get my clothes washed. Which is a really strange thing because back home I am so meticulous about being clean and having a something new to wear everyday. I don't really care as much here. I only care when I go out what I have on. This is for the pure reason of wanting to impress males. There is so many cute guys at UT, going out is soon going to be a problem if I don't get my all my work done. I am so scared of not doing well in my classes. This is the big times. If I screw up here there may be no point of return. Its either do it or get out. There's like 10000 people here who are pre-med and I'm guessing 9999 of them are smarter than me, which really doesn't work in my favor when it comes to getting into med school. Ah, why am I putting myself down!? I can do it. I know I can, I've wanted this forever so I'm not going to just give up. I really loathe calculus though. I work so hard,and then I always seem to screw up the exams. Why? I don't know, maybe I have testing anxiety? Is that really a real thing or is just some excuse I'm making up for my bad testing skills. Well, whatever it is I need to get it under control. My roommate seems to have everything under control. She wakes up, makes her bed, goes to class, does 3 work out classes, eats fruits and vegetables for dinner, studies, then goes to sleep at 11 pm. I'm like "WOW" here's the model student, so of course what do I do? I try to model her actions. Yah, its not working so well. I am just not such a structured person. I do believe I have A. D. D though, or maybe once again this is just another excuse. I just cannot focus on my reading assignments for more than like thirty minutes. What's the deal? I have no idea. Oh I have so much to do tomorrow, so many things to take care of . I need to find out when my old professors office hours are this fall. I really don't want to have to see him again, but its got to be done. Especially if I want my grade fixed. I hated my grades this summer. I can't believe I let myself slip that low. Well its really taught me a lesson. I think. I mean I am actually getting more studying done, or activities persay, such as this writing assignment. But I still feel like the same old me. Gosh, there this amazing jacket I want at the mall. I wish I just had an endless supply in my checking account. But don't we all? Yah good thing I got a new job here. My job is so badass. Wait am I allowed to say ass in a school assignment. hmmmm interesting. Oh well there's no going back now! But I do get paid a lot of money and that helps me a lot, because I am so expensive. If I walk into a store, the only thing I'm going to like I can guarantee is going to the be the most money. My room is so freezing cold. I really need to find out if something can be done about this. It's 60 degrees all the time, I'm sitting here in like my eskimo clothes in the middle of summer in texas. It's ridiculous. I really miss San Jac. They had their own thermostats in each room. It was clean. And big. Speaking of san jac. Football season starts Saturday. WOOHOO. I'm the biggest dork, I get so into school events like that. It just feelsreally cool to be a part of something so big. It is sort of like when I'm walking past the tower and the mail bldg. and I look down and see the capitol building. I'm amazing, like "wow, I really made it here!" It's kind of surreal to me, like an out of body experience. Then there is always the kids who make it look so easy to be here and like they don't give a damn, I'm like stop that! Exclamation marks make it look like I'm overly excited or yelling or something. I don't like that so I won't use them any more. Is this 20 min up yet? okay, I don't think I'm supposed to be thinking that. Great now I've fallen into the trap of thinking about thinking of what to write for this paper. I thought all day long about how to avoid this hole. Yah it wasn't doable. Is doable a word? do able. I don't know but I like using it. uhhhh. That's the sound of me going braindead. Well not necessarily, that would mean I was dead and obviously I'm not because duh here I am typing. I just really can't concentrate with my room being so cold. My nose is like an icicle. You know speaking of stream of consciousness, I have always wanted to read Ulysses. Isn't that the name of the book by James Joyce ? Yah I read an excerpt from it and it was very intriguing. They do this whole writing thing a lot better than I do. I'm looking at my writing and I feel that I sound Childish, not intelligent, like I should be dictating more mature words. Oh god there I go trying to sound smarter. I guess all I can do is write what's in my head. This is me, this is it. Only like one more minute to go and thank goodness. I feel like I've been having to force myself to think or something for the last twenty. Plus I've been thinking in like turbo speed. Sometimes I talk like that. Very fast. People can't understand me its horrible. Oh damn my hand hurts so bad. Ok good I am finally. D-o-n-ne.