ahs10/essays-big5 huggingface dataset:
I can't make up my mind if I want to go to a meeting with Charles or not. He asked me to go, but I kind of don't want to go. I have a math quiz in the morning and I need to go over the problems. Anyway. i haven't heard from Tony in a while. I hate it when guys tell me that they are goingto call and they don't. Tony was acting strange towards me at the ACC meeting yesterday. O well, I hope he dosen't want a relationship with me. I cannot handle one right now. I don't understand why I always I have to speak to people before they speak to me. I know they see me coming. I'm not going to worry about that though. I wonder if I should participate in the Miss Black and Gold Pageant. I really don't see myself as the type of lady that enters those kinds of things. First of all, I don't have a talent. Second of all, I'm not good at answering questions right off the top of my head. I have four years until I can do it, so I might just wait. If Cookie does it, then I will. I'm kind of excited about going home on the 17th. It's the Homecoming Ceremonies that night. I'll get to see my recent ex-boyfriend. I can't believe that he still tells people that we are still going together. He has a lot of nerve. Anyway. it hasn't even been ten minutes and I'm already tired of typing. Psychology is confusing to me. So is Philosophy and Biology. I don't know what to believe in now. I was brought up as a Christian, but now I realize that science proves some things in the bible to be wrong. I still don't know what came first, the dinosaurs or man. Anyway, I'm not going to worry about that either. There are so many guys here that are attractive, but the bad part about it is that they know they are attractive. Guys around here seem to stereotype the freshman girls as "easy, silly and stuck-up". I have to admit, a lot of my classmates are stuck-up, but I don't think they are silly. Once again, I don't understand why I always have to be the one to speak to everyone first. It's mostly the girls who have to be spoken to. Soem of the guys are like that too. I like the college life so far. My parents used to never let me do anything. They were so strict on me. Now, I go out whenever I want to, but I'm not going cray with it. They thought that I would go wild when I got to college, but I haven't. I'm mature enough for college. My brother on the other hand wasn't. He went to college for a day and quit. He was so worried about getting money, that he quit scholl to get a job. He needs that job too because his ex-girlfriend is going to hit him up on child support. My paremts tried to warn him, but he was hard-headed.
Ok, here I go. I wonder what most people are thinking of when they are writing this. Probably all kinds of things. Well, I have a girlfriend, her name is Lauren, and today is our 10 month aniversary. I'm excited but I'm sad that I don't get to see her that much because she is still in high school. She goes to Clark in San Antonio just like I did. That's where we met. We were both on the cross country team. I'm kind of tired. I wish I didn't have to spend all my time reading the Iliad. It's getting really boring and I don't even think it's a very good book. They just like it because it's old. Like last night I spent several hours reading it and I still had to do more before I went to class today. Man, it's only been 5 minutes, I don't think I can actually think for a whole 20. I wonder what I would be doing if I wasn't doing this right now. Probably doing calculus homework or reading, heaven-for-bid, the Iliad. I can't wait until the weekend when I can relax some more. At least I only have one class tomorrow and it's really easy. It's calculus and this is my third year in a row of taking it for I shouldn't have any trouble with it. Unfortunately though it's all stuff I've already learned so it's boring also. Let's see, that makes two boring classes now. How about ancient Rome and BA101, those are also boring classes, but at least I like Rome so at times that class can be interesting. So that leaves psychology, that's definitely the best class I'm taking, because it's really interesting. Especially because many of the things don't have answers so it's just what you think. I'm probably biased towards it though, because I've always been a math and science fan. Math was ruined by one teacher I had, but I still love science. Hopefully, I can use the business skills I learn to start or work for something like a bioengineering company, that would be cool. Psychology is also fun because I know a few people in there. One of the guys in there I went to pre-school and kindergarten with and haven't really seen him since. Monday I met this girl named Jessica. She's pretty nice so I have someone to talk to before class. Bjorn just got home, I wonder where he's been. He probably was at class, I wonder which one. He really likes Cake and he just turned them on. I can tell when he's in his room usually because there is music on. He also likes the Beatles. I don't really like the Beatles but Cake is cool. I wonder who just got on AIM. I guess it was Rory because he just IMed me. I wonder what he wants. Maybe I'll have to tell him to go away, but I probably won't, because I'm not that kind of person. I don't like putting people down or causing conflict. I guess that's just who I am. I am, I think that's the best quote I've ever heard. It can be interpreted in so many ways and it's the only think that we know is absolutely true.
I hate the miami dolphins and jimmy johnson, always smacking his lips. the broncos suck with out elway and not the dolphins will win. god I hate the dolphins. I miss erin so much, I hope I can stay faithful to her. everyone makes me feel stupid for staying with her when she is still in high school, but she is only 3 hours away. I can hardly wait till she comes down this weekend. I could not be more stressed, tests and other crap are bogging me down. it is so hard to make friends here that I feel comfortable around and that is only making me more nervous and stressed. I hate my rtf class, it is stupid and pointless. the reading is so painful I can barely stand to do it. dammit the dolphins scored again! I hate the dolphins! thank god almighty the cowboys won,I would have had a heart attack if they had lost, I miss my friends so much. I can hardly wait to see them in a month. there are so many damn hippies around here, sometimes they are entertaining but they are mostly just annoying. DAMN I HATE THE DOLPHINS. my phone bill is going to be huge from talking to erin, my parents are going to kill me. I feel pressured to entertain her friends this weekend and that I also stressing me out. my room needs to be cleanded badly, this place is disgusting. why can't erin just be here now, if she went here my life would be next to perfect.
Aug. 31  Note: I wrote this paper over a week ago and I am just now typing it. You said we could write it down first and then type it.  I have finally found the inspiration to write this paper. Today is August 31. The time is 1:30 A. M. I am watching television and at the same time trying to write this paper. Today is a very sad day for many . The new of Princess Dianas death has just unfolded. It is very strange that every time a prominent "celeb" dies the world acts as if they knew them personally. I case in Princess Diana's death the world did kind of know her rather intimately since her life was unfortunately always being publicized. I just looked around my room watching my roommate and another one of my friends gasp in horror of the tragic news. The newscasters are explaining how her death occurred. I think she was a very lucky woman and very unfortunate at the same time. Diana's "Princess fairy tale" seems to be more a tale of horror. I keep thinking about her children. I think their mother was the only one who truly let them know what being young and living life was all about. I think that small ounce of joy will die with her death. My sweetmate just walked in. It seems all of a sudden we've got a party in our room . It's very hard to concentrate on writing this paper and listen to the news all at the same time. The phone is ringing. I hope it's not for me. I always get interrupted when I doing something important. The phone is for my roommate. Her mom calls twice a day at the same time every day to check how my roommate is doing. Maybe she heard the new of Diana and it made her even more anxious to call. Whenever someone dies it always reminds us of what is most important. The time is 1:41 A. M. I am really getting tired and it's hard to write this paper, but if this paper means making the grade I want, I guess I'm going to have to force myself to keep going. They are discussing the "fairytale" wedding and Prince "charming" . It seem ver sad that she only experience the fairytale for such a short period of time. This whole disaster is making me ver nostalgic. I'm starting to think about some of the friends I lost in reckless accidents. The only difference is , they died from their own irresponsible actions. I'm thinking about a friend of my, I suppose we can call her "Sorry" because her life really is a sorry tale. She is a girl who possessed so much potential and ability, but ruined it because she decided she cared more about drinking, driving, and fun more than her future. Her irresponsible ways killed a friend who was in the same car. This friend was pregnant. Two lives lost in 1 instant. Three other lives in the car were saved by fate I suppose. "Sorry continues to drink, drive, and live recklessly. I have lost alot of respect for her. I kind of think her current actions are more sign of self-destruction. I guess she feels her future fun times are going to be cut off very soon and she might as well have fun while she can. Her court date for involuntary manslaughter is coming up. I wonder how reckless "Sorry" can be in prison.
As soon as I am done with this I plan to go over to my friends, maybe to the gym. I don't really feel much like working. My biggest concern for this semester will be motivation my self to do the requried work. My telephone just rang. My air conditioner seems louder than all of the other ones that I have heard. Right now I am rather thirsty, having just walked the campus with my uncle and cousin. We ate at Wendy's and the food was salty. I wish I was in a cold swimming pool right now. This weekend was fun. We went swimming in the lake. College is kind of wierd not having my family around all of the time. I dont' miss them terribly, but I just feel strange without having them around to talk to for a few seconds of joke with. Classes have not been that hard these first several days, and I am wondering if they will pick up greatly as far as difficulty is concerned. Now I seem to have nothing on my mind. I am just staring at the computer screen. All I really need to do tonight is work on a few calculus problems. My neck is still a little sore. I will take some aspirin later. I will check my mailbox later today. My bare feet are getting cold on the tile floor. Now I am not really thinking of much. I feel like resting on my bed for about ten minutes before I head out of my room. In fact, right when I am finished writing this I am going to lay on my bed. I am ready to get into the full swing of college classes. Only about 90 days until Christmas break.
why am I so stressed out is it school or is it what is going on in my life, I have no clue. Its probably becasue I'm a freshman or is it because I just don't know what I'm am doing in this school, it's too hard. I don't know how to work the computer system, I have tons of homework, and its all catching up to me at the same time, it's unreal. I'm so bogged down with work and I have so much stuff to do but I'm sitting here typing on my computer on something that I don't know will even get sent to you. My friends are talking to me while I'm trying to write this assignment, and I can't' make my mind focus on on certain thing at all, the music is too loud and I have people trying to talk to me over the internet. these blinking lights are pissing me off I wish these people would shut up and let me tend to my business at hand. I need to read, do my pre cal and I just don't have the time. I don't know how to do my physical science lab, and reading just takes too muck time. I have a date tonight,  I don't have time to take them out, but I have to or that wouldn't be nice, I'm going through rush and that takes up more time than anything. I can't' deal with this anymore. I'ts starting to drive me crazy , but hopefully soon I will get used to it. Its such a change from senior year to freshman year of college. you go from doing nothing basically to have to read every night and do all sorts of written assignment, it's impossible twenty minutes is up got to run
I don't understand many of the girls on my hall. They are all so immature and obnoxious. I want to meet mew people but I have a hard time giving any of these girls a real chance. I miss my little sisters and worry about them. My mother worries a lot about all of the things they may get into that are bad for them. I kind of screwed things up for them. I shouldn't have gotten into so much trouble in high school. It was fun though. I am so far away from anything I am familiar with. I have been away from home many times and it does not bother me. I did not realize being in school would disruot my comfort zone in the way that it has. I want to experience Austin but have no on to experience it with and am afraid to go out alone, especially at night. I feel full and I love ice cream. I am very tierd for no reason at all. I am worried that I will not be able to find some really good friends. I am excited. I got a really good wristband for the OU game. Hell yeah!!!  I went to dinner with one of my neighbors tonight and I just know everything she said to me was a total crock of shit. I don't understand why people lie like that, maybe she is an obssessive compulsive liar. I hate computers, I hate how the entire system of life is now dominated by them. They are just machines, not people. American's are so detatched. September eleventh is tomorrow. The last stream of conciousness I did was about Jimmy Buffet and Peeps. I love Peeps. Why do they only make them at Easter. Just like egg nog at Christmas. You can only have egg nog at Christmas though. It's like an overload of egg nog if you have a lot of it. Moderation is important. My roomie is nothing like me. How in the hell did we end up living together. It's because my mom altered my questionaire. The lack of freedom!!!!!  I think it is awful that they put animals into zoos. That should be illegal. They could have rehab clinics for the ones that they rescue but they shouldnt make their mony off of people coming in to look at them. I talked to a guy that was a Comp something or other major and when I asked him what that was he said he didn't know!!  How can you not know what your major is???  That is just wrong. I think he was just messing with me. I went to ground zero, it really impacted me in a different way. I never know if I am ding stream of conciousness writing the right way. There is no right way though. I HATE COMPUTERS. Typing was invented by the devil. The home keys???  I just hate them. Music is so important to us. I wish I had a larger vocabulary. Why do people use people?  I only have a little bit left. When I work out only 10 seconds or a single repetition can last forever. I guess I'm feelin' alright. It's all going to be good in the end.
I feel really crappy, today, I didn't get enough sleep last night. I think part of it is the Texas loss on Saturday, especially the way they loss. Least the Cowboys won last night. So far I haven't been very home sick. It might be because my roommate went to the same high school as I did. I have also been able to talk to my parents a lot because of instant chat. My mom wnts to get a web cam so she can actually see me. I think she has a hard time with me leaving, I'm the first child to leave home. The network here at UT is really cool. The connect rates are really fast. I had a crummy 28. 8 modem at home. My dad was going to get DSL, but we lived to far from the central office, that sucks. I'm really hungry now. I'm not hungry in the morning, but halfway through class, my stomach starts to hurt. It's probably because I'm used to sleeping late and not eating breakfast at all. 10 min to go. I'm not taking an English this year. That's good. I don't like to write papers very much. You might write a paper you feel is perfectly valid, but turns out to be wrong. Yet you put so much work into it. 6 min. Milk tastes pretty good. I'm used to 2% at home, but here, my roomate and I just buy the full vitamin D milk, yum. I hope there isn't a writing length, I'm having sensation block. 3 min. Time is almost up. Might take a nap, my next class isn't for another 5 hours. I don't have classes on Fridays which is so cool. 1 min. My alarm is about to go off. Set it for 20 min, so I wouldn't write too much. Time's up.
I wish it was Friday actually I wish it was next Friday then I would be going home vacuums really bug me I want to change the channel but I don't want to get up but duck tales really sucks and even though Im not even watching it and just hearing it bugs me I guess that's something you just have to deal with if you're lazy I want to talk to Stephen but I dont want to call him because I called last but he hasn't called me which really doesn't make much sense but guys don't make any sense anyway so its ok I don't want to go to calculus tomorrow but I should because Ive already missed it twice I wish it would rain I want to get caught in the rain I want some Dr pepper but I dont want to go buy some because I don't want to spend the money I want to get an exhaust even though I haven't even found anybody to race up here I should write to Christina I need to check the mail who cares about the kennedys I hope I have some mail but I really doubt it I never get mail my room looks so boring I don't like living in a dorm it really sucks but I guess this is better than jester it's kind of hard to think and write at the same time I hate typing why are her clothes still hanging there what's wrong with using the dryer I need to do laundry double your pleasure double your fun my boobs itch I guess I shouldn't have tanned for so long
Sorry for any grammar mistakes in this timed writing. There's a bit of pressure writing every thought you have within 20 minutes and try and make it completely coherent. The music in the back ground plays that of falling falling falling. Then hits a note as if the journey of which it began will continue. Adversaries in between as if rapids in the path. The sun glares in as it goes lower in the sky. Now at this hour of the day is when my apartment is the warmest. The light carries in like the rays dance and shuffle past the leaves of the tree outside. I watch my friends sit next to me. One is a zombie slasher with a chain saw for an arm, the other sits and types quietly. The music is quieter now with bell like rings in it. The bass has a slow but progressive sound to it. The guitar sings about as the music moves on. Over the middle window, the one with the blinds shut, we keep the blue mask. It has sharp looking teeth which are yellow. The teeth match the horns. I'm now half past the time of when I started. Some pauses have been taken in between sentences or paragraphs. Sorry for the time of which I slacked. I loosing ideas of what to write now. I have little more to to tell of my surroundings more. The music is now more of a popping sounds. It also mud     like sounding guitar now. My phone is ringing now but I got my friend to pick it up. I will call them back. This is now the end.
I am a bit in wonderous as to what is supposed to be accomplished by this writing assignment and what it is supposed to prove. I hope this isn't some wierd psychoanalysis of who I am or something like that. Not that I am an X-files junkie and I think this is one big conspiracy or anything though. That is not one of the best shows about conspiracies anyway. I really enjoyed "Conspiracy Theory"  with mel Gibson and Julia Roberts though. Right now I am thinking that I could be doing other homework that is a little bit more consequential for my classes tomorrow and just start typing random letters with little regard to this assignment, but I am an honest and will continue to do this assignment as if someone were really going to read it. I am really excited about the Astros victory tonight over the Phillies, because it put us 3 games ahead of the reds who split their double header today. If the Astros end up in the playoffs I plan on making at least one trip to Houston to watch them play in the Astrodome. Especially since that will probably be the last time I will khave a chance to see a game played in the Astrodome. After this season they will be p;laying in their new stadium by the convention center. I think the convention center is a bit of a waste since Houston doesn't seem to land many consequential national level events there. But that's Houston for  you'. They never seem to get the kind of national coverage that New York or la gets. I guess that is because it is considerably smaller, but still. I think it has to do with Houston being a bit excluded from the rest of the country. And with the lack of national events and tourism people will continue to think Texas is all about cowboys and cattle wtith a few oil ranchers thrown in th e mix.
of course I don't ever really cry--or at least not very often. I've been waiting for a really big cry since I moved here a month ago--but no tears. I left some of my best friends--though I have over a dozen friends here from my home town of College Station--but not all of them and I left my house and my birth city and my parents and two of my dogs(the third one I brought with me). though I don't really know why I am writing this to the computer as if it will respond back or much less cares at all about my personal life. I suppose that i am just suppose to ramble and write what is in my head--yes I am so tired that I am repeating the directions for this assignment out loud to myself and I am actually so bored and tired as to write them down as part of my assignment. I suppose that that bit alright. it is now 1:28 am and that means that technically I cannot write again until after mid night tomorrow or today or whatever which is too bad because that would make my life easier to be able to do it tomorrow afternoon because I only have one class but I suppose I should stop bitching at the computer. because frankly it is a computer--of course now I am worried that this should have been some philosophical expression of how I, erin, tick as a human being--but now I am way to tired to rewrite this--if it won't send properly then I promise myself to do something deeper next time--for now, however, I'm done.