I just woke up and I am feeling so drowsy. I just went to a belly dancing show yesterday and I am thinking about how fun it was. Man  that iranian guy at the club was so hot, I wish I could go up to him and talk to him, but I'm too scared. I feel like I'd be rejected in two seconds. He didn't even look at me, or did he? that dirty old arab guy was freaky though, he kept asking me to dance with him and that made me really uncomfortable. I am really really hungry, and the droning of the refrigerator isn't making the situation any better. I'm afraid to even open the refrigerator door because it smells so bad in there. We really need baking soda. I wonder if the chemistry test is going to be hard, I really hope I understand the difference between atoms and molecules and I don't completely blank out during the test. This assignment is really cool, it's helping me empty out everything in my head. it is extremely cold in here and I want to go talk to that guy on the second floor. He was such a nice person and I haven't really met any Iranians here. I hope the iranians in the ISACO club are nice and they aren't like all those fake iranian girls that dye their hair blonde and all have nose jobs and live at the mall. That reminds me of Bahareh, she was such a rude, mean stupid girl. She had no right in saying those things to me, and for some reason I can't get over it. I am thinking of Erfon, I wonder what happened to him, he reminds me of Kourosh, I hope he doesn't become afraid of me like kourosh did though. I wonder why Kourosh is acting like that? I haven't talked to him in a really long time, he shouldn't be intimidated by me! Anyway my hand is beginning to hurt and my pants are really loose on me I think if I lose any more weight they will fall off! UT's campus really makes you work out man, I wouldn't have even lifted a finger if I had gone to a college in Houston, but this school makes you work. I am taking a lot of science courses, and I hope I can handle it. I talk to God at night and I hope he hears me, I hope he helps me get through all my classes successfully, I mean, my parents expect me to get all A's. Dad said if I don't' come home with a 4. 0  GPA then I shouldn't even come home. That's not fair and how come they always compare me to Neema? It's not fair that I'm known as the not so good" kid, even though I've never done anything BAD in  my life. I mean for God's sake I've never even gone on a date so why should they think I'm the "BAD KID"? I guess it's because Neema gets along with mom so much better. I really wish I had a good relationship with mom, it sucks how we can't get along ever. She was right when she said yesterday that we can't stand each other for more than a few seconds a day. We just don't understand each other, she keeps lecturing me and it pisses me off. There is only so much one person can stand, you know? I can't take being lectured three hundred hours a day, it makes me sick, how would you like it if someone kept telling you bla bla don't do this bla bla don't do that. Dad is so much easier to get along with, although he has a temper like a mofo and he is stubborn as hell! He is such a kind gentle man, I love my dad, he works so hard for our family, I hope to repay him with success. I hope he lives forever, I hope they both live forever. My legs are beginning to hurt and there is a piece of hair that has fallen on my arm and it tickles me! For some reason, I woke up this morning and my hair was curly, it was the strangest thing, usually my hair is a giant nappy fro, but today it was pretty and silky. Ut isn't as humid as houston, and I'm glad. Dude I really miss Nasim, she is such an awesome person. I emailed her the other day, but she never ever checks her email. I wonder why I never call anyone! I feel so rude when people call me and tell me, "uh how come you haven't called us that's so inconsiderate" but I'm just not a phone person, I guess. I really should call people back and let them know I care, I think I get this aspect of my character from mom because she doesn't like calling people either. It's not that I don't like talking to my friends, it's just that I never think to call them. I will though, definitely, today I will call sogol and ponta and nasim. I will call stephanie and jennifer and batool. Well I'm sitting in a room that is covered with various books and study guides and it's all a bit overwhelming. I really hope I can handle everything, although, I seem to switch out of every class I think is too hard. which is really a dumb thing to do because it means I can't handle challenges. I really need to swallow my fear and just take risks. I would take risks although all my friends are grandmas and they are so cautious that I think it might be rubbing of on me too. I need to go find friends that don't mind driving around campus at 2 a. m. but I don't want friends that drink. What on earth is up with drinking? what is so great about it? There is no way in hell I'm going to drink. So many people have told me "oh don't worry marjon, you'll start drinking when you get in college" Uhhh no I'm not, I think I know myself better than anyone else knows me and I know I'm not going to drink. I don't even think I'm going to date, I'm so afraid of rejection. I've been rejected a million times before in my own head that I can't fathom going out and actually trying to get a date. I mean I don't really know if people reject me, I think I'm being paranoid when I say that, sometimes a flicker of someone's eye sparks me off and I think they don't like me. I guess that makes me kind of insecure, or paranoid. Sometimes I make too much of situations, I over analyze and I think that what was a casual gesture was a gesture of hate? I don't know what I'm getting at here, perhaps I am not a very good judge of character. Although if I weren't a good judge of character than I would have horrible friends. Like nasim, nasim's friends are absolutely terrible, they teach her bad things and they put holes in her brain. She is such a pretty girl I wish she had stray away from that stuff and start studying so that she can come to UT. Man if you have brains and beauty, that's a big plus in this world, everything in America is aesthetic, I've noticed that. People are more inclined to talk to you if you are pretty. People don't give a crap about you if you aren't pretty. It's so superficial and stupid. I wish people's inner beauty could shine through, because most of the really gorgeous girls aren't deep. they are like a pond they are so shallow. I think it is time to get up because my feet have both fallen asleep and I know when I stand they will burn like pin pricks in my fee