Currently my mind is drifting from one focus to another. Today is my 9 month Anniversary with my girlfriend and best friend in my life. She is the best thing that ever happened to my life. I want to by her a ring and I have been giving it plenty of thought. I have been experiencing a guilt trip as of last night. I thought about my grandmother, who is affected my Alzheimer's. I felt gult come over me when I thought of all the times I yelled at her. I live my grandmother but thats not the damn of it. I generally understand that I am not truely mad at my grandmother when I yell at her. I am mad at the disease. I don't want to loose her or any other member of my family. I got addmitted to the Business school thats the reason I am here. And I have been thinking that I have not earned the opportunity of a lifetime that I am living. I worked harder than most and I played 4 sports and still graduated 16 of 400 in my Senior class. But again I feel guilt when a prodigous amount of people introduce themselves and they mention their major. What should be a privelege to me is actually the most dreaded words I could say,   I'm in the Business School.   People look at me in dismay and in a downward direction which I can officailly say bothers me. I love my mom. . She called me today and gave me a few more pointers that should have stayed under 2 minutes in our conversation. She is so worried about me. Oh and this paper im writing is helping me to think of all the things that are roaming in this spaceous mind I have. My roomie says that I complain alot. . do I. My girlfriend has said the same but I disagree with them both. I just want to be the best at everything and I have to win or im not happy. Just knowing that my effort was not enough haunts me for days. God made me competitive and thats the way I live. Back to that Business thing. . I worked my butt of to get into that school and this college. See my parents had a divorce my junior year of High School. Thus, my lack of attending school cause my grades to faulter as well as my happiness. My dad left us and I can still see tears in my mom's eyes as we carried opposite ends of the furniture and tears trinkled down her face. Besides that I'm in love and I have the best girl I could ever dream of. Her mom says we can't be together but all through our Senior year we stayed together. Sacrafice, that is what makes a best- friend a best friend. Not loyalty and all the Universal answers to what makes a best friend. She sacraficed her family to be with me. Her mom said,   either u have him and loose your family or you can listen to me and forget about him.   She chose me in an instant. . For a long time I woundered why. . And to this day the only answer I could find is love. True love is what we share and today is 9 months. Love is like the wind, you can't see it but you can feel it. My grandfather had to raise me since I never had a father. That hurts me more than the world could ever know. Oh another thought came to me. I am suffering from sexual frustration. I'm not sure if I can say that but you asked for whats on my mind not what you want to hear right?  Well me and my girlfriend have not seen each other for alomost a month and 1/2. Seems like forever but we will be fine. We pray every night for help and hope to some day get married. I nedd to buy a ring. . let me write that down. If i complain too much sorry. Thats just me right?