I'm a little nervous about doing this right now because I have to wake up at 445 tomorrow morning for crew practice. My back hurts -- it's from rowing on the orgs, or whatever they call them. I am not a good typist. I have to look down at my hands, and I go so slowly. This really is a skill I should have mastered by college. I feel like an idiot. I'm frustrated with Russell -- I don't really want to go to church on sunday because I know he will be there. I wonder if Brad really didn't call me for a week because I told him he was moving to fast or if it was because he was really sick. I can't believe I saw Travis today; I wonder if he really will ever give me a call -- doubtful, seriously doubtful. I need to turn on my lamp, I can't see and this computer screen is starting to hurt my eyes. I can't believe that Nik really didn't call me today -- even though his name showed up on my phone -- how bizarre!  I don't know how to spell bizaar -- oh well. My left shoulder muscle is hurting -- I think it's because of the position I'm laying in -- this is taking forEVER -- I'm only at 6 minutes. ouch. I just leaned up and turned on the lamp -- much better -- I can actually see the keys, even though you wouldn't be able to tell it by the way I'm still typing so messily. My ponytail is kinda digging into the back of my head -- dangit. I hate that I cuss now -- it makes me feel kinda dirty -- not like skank-dirty, but like not-so-clean dirty. That movie, THIRTEEN, we saw at Dobie tonight was weird weird weird. I can't decide if I liked it at all or not -- it was really disturbing when they showed her cutting herself. It reminded me of Kate when she did that the one wednesday I called her. She was so upset about Brad -- boys are dumb. I don't know why we fall for them so easily. I mean it's got to be our need of acceptance and the comfort/warmth they bring when they hold us, but I can't imagine finding a guy who will actually care about me and not just want to feel me up. I mean really -- what's going on in their heads (or most likely, pants) that makes them so desensitized to us. Josh is wonderful -- the way he told Catherine he loved her the first time, the way he just spent 600 dollars on her for her birthday -- I'm so jealous, I don't know what to do. It's dangerous having him as a best friend -- he is just so damn wonderful. I mean, really, any even remotely smart girl would fall for him in a freaking' heartbeat!  Sometimes I can't stand it. He hasn't written to me since I've gotten to school. I'm not a happy girl/camper. I know he is getting ready to go on his nature expedition/survival trip, but why hasn't he had a chance to write me yet?  I've been waiting for him to write me, but maybe he is just waiting for me to write so he can respond. I'll write him this weekend anyway, along with Emily, Mary, Caleb and Edward. I have to get my hollow core door too. I don't even know where to get it -- I'll ask Zara tomorrow. I'm going to have to get online to find directions to a Home Depot or Lowes. I hate not knowing my way around -- it totally sucks -- that's why I loved Beaumont so much -- it was small enough to where I knew where most of the big things were. And if I didn't know where they were, it wasn't that hard to find it. Here there are massive highways, freeways, loops, overpasses -- all designed to confuse and terrify the new-to-Austin driver. I wish Russ and I were okay enough that I could ask him to take me to do my errands after church -- oh well. I still don't think I'm comfortable enough to be around him. I'm cold. It's weird that I haven't slept under my covers for the last week. I've just slept under a fleece blanket on top of it. My time is almost up -- Good night my dear diary assignment. I hope you go over well. I'm exhausted, and I can't wait to turn out the lights. I have to get up in 6 hours -- ick.