last night I laid down and I Couldn't go to sleep for anything. sleep would be nice right now, I have class all day today. my classes are pretty cool though. I have music psychology and ceramics. I'm good at ceramics though cause I got grounded a lot in high school. high school was fun. I have a lot of great memories. I miss my friends sometimes, but it was time to move on. I feel more free, no one knows you or anything you can do what you want and be who you are. I am finally realizing the value of that too. I think its the art . I love art its constantly running thorough my head. The way I look at everything, the way I find beauty and perspective in simple and complex things, the way I am so attracted to things that are gorgeous. not only on the outside but personalities for example and music. I am going to incubus on Wednesday and they are brilliant. its cool too cause my homework for music class is to go to a concert anyways. my music class meets too often . 4 days a week. that shit is ridiculous. I feel like I am taking 15 hours but I'm just taking 12, which allows for a job. I am going to work at the frank Erwin center hopefully . I was a waitress this summer at el Chico. I love Mexican food. I am so damn hungry right now. oops can I cuss? oh well. my stomach is rumbling and I felt it necessary. I feel tired and hungry and event the sound of punching these keys is annoying but the relief of finishing this assignment is un-explainable believe me. lately I've been dead set on being responsible and I am hell bent on making all A's , so when I can make a check on the 'old to do list, its like its lifted from my shoulders and that no joke. my back hurts so bad every day from stress. its actually kind of funny that in class we talked about the correlation between stress and the immune system because I was stressed to hell the first couple weeks of school and a couple of weeks before with bills and work and money , etc. and I could not get over a dinky little cold for 3 weeks, and now that I've gotten into the scheme of things its so much easier. its so much easier just being a sophomore in general. I remember when I moved into the dorms my freshmen year. we moved everything in and I remember after my dad left standing there looking around. I had no phone, no friends, and no clue and I think it was the scariest moment of reality in my life. but when I look back I have learned that you can't always know everything at that second. you have to give yourself time to grow and learn and not be so anxious to know it all. what is this an autobiography? I don't know I am just writing as I go along. I like to write. I write often actually, sort of like this but mainly about things no one but me cares about. I like to vent, I NEED to vent. its almost like when I write something down it jumps from my mind and onto the paper and is no longer stressing me out. I don't know maybe I'm weird. I wish I could find really unique ways of expressing myself, so I do poetry as well. but I am getting bored with this subject so lets jump to another. how about love? I am in love. I am not quick to say that either and it is not something I was trying to do or even wanted, but I have found  my soul mate believe  it or not. he is perfect, and believe me I am not naive. he is the most unique person in the world ( maybe its the ADHD ) and I love his mind because I appreciate things I cannot understand myself or find how its done, and he fascinates me. really all I want is to be fascinated, and to laugh. I love to laugh. you know those times when you just laugh your ass off so hard you cry. man that's the best. seriously. that's why I like to surround myself with people who make me laugh. I make myself laugh too. I am quite lonely during the day and end up having to entertain my head with humorous thoughts. or just dress weird and laugh inside when people give me weird looks. I love that.