ahs10/essays-big5 huggingface dataset:
Today, i started the day with a serve headache. All day long this feeling has been with me from my first class to work to homework. In the early months i was told that i had a tumor near my pitutary gland. Ever since then I was put on some medication to help dissolve this tumor. Friday, i was schedule to have a MRI done, well today the result came back. As the doctor reported, i the medicine is working well. I just have to keep taking the medication. What a big relief. I felt great that i will not have to have surgery to remove the tumor. But lately, i have had headache that hurt realyy bad. When i toldmy mother, see thought i sgould get me eyes checked. She thinks that i need glasses. Who knows? I hope not. MAn, my brother is in the 5th grade and they required him to buy a recorder. Yes, he does not know how to play it. So it just sounds like a bunch of noise. This is what I hear in background as well as the loud tv that is showing commericals. I feel sleepy. Actually i don't know if there is time in which i am not sleepy. I work alot as a server and then get to come to do some homework before i fall asleep. So not much gets done. I wish there was just a day were i could relax, do something fun and not have to worry about what is due tomorrow, next week, in a couple of months get my drift. i know we just had a summer vaction. Well, i took summer school for the second half. so it feels like i have been in school for a couple of months. College is so much different from high school. Alot of responsibility is on the student. It is very easy to miess up. So far, i try to take one think at a time. It is hard to jugle 10 things at once, even if they are not school related. I deal with school, work ,friends, family and down time for myself which is usually the gym. One thing that i do miss is dealing with the boyfriend. After 2 1/2 yrs, i decided to break it off. I felt that i needed some breathing room. But there have been days were i miss  him. At those times, i just want him back but then i see that i can't just go and come when i want too. it is not fair to him. Lately i have been feeling lonely, very lonely. Especially since i don't see my friends as often because i live off campus, at home. Which means that i have some what of a curfew. Plus to travel from my house to campus is 15-20 way. Any way i really don't have time. This guy took very good care of me. I know, so why did i leave. Well he treated our relationship as we were, married. I could not even talk to friends with =out him geeting jealous or us getting a arguement. He wanted to spend all his free time with me and expected me to do the same. Well, i appreicate my friends and he did'n see that.
I am very disappointed. its been raining all day and I'm tired. I didn't sleep last night, that isn't any good. I can't stand not sleeping. Sometimes I think that maybe I'm just not good enough for college, or at least UT. Things have been hectic the whole time I have been on campus, and if I don't do good this semester, I'm going to fail out. I hope that I can pull this all off. The weekend was nice though, partying with all of my fraternity brothers was a good time, and seeing all of my old high school baseball buddies was cool too. I need to do stuff like that more often. I hope that things can get back to the way they used to be, since I liked everything much much more back then, when my whole life was a hell of a lot simpler. I miss high school, sadly enough. I liked school a lot better when it was just me and 1500 other people. I knew everyone, everyone knew me. Life was good. I can't stand this 50k of people on campus around, it drives me crazy. I'm lucky to see A friend walking around campus, let alone a lot of them. Oh well, I hope that life gets better soon. This weekend should be a lot of fun. Oh, my pizza is ready, its been 18 minutes since I sat down. I spend a lot of time thinking and then trying to transfer things to words. Same old problem for me. I can think great, but when it comes to putting things to words, I suck.
I am very excited right now, because in a couple of hours I will be on a plane to Washington DC to visit my boyfriend, but I am also a little anxious because lately we have been fighting more than usual, so I am not sure what will happen this weekend. I just hope everything goes well. I just talked to my friends that live there; I am very excited to see them as well. They are planning a lot of things to do with me this weekend; it's going to be fun. I am also a little worried because I am going to miss my lasses tomorrow, but I am a good student so I hope to catch up soon. I missed classes the day before yesterday too, and I bout some gifts for my little sisters. I miss them a lot. I have five siblings, one brother who is the eldest, and 5 sisters, one older than myself, the other three younger. My older sister and I both study at UT, my brother studies law in Panama, where my family lives. This is my third semester here. The first that semester I was here, I was very sad and depressed. I missed all my family very much, and felt so alone, because my sister had her own friends and I knew no body in this city, but then I got used to it, and now I love Austin, I couldn't wait to get back from my summer vacation, even though I had a wonderful time in Panama. I worked this summer in the finance department of the Panama Canal, and it was great. I also took a correspondence course from UT and did very well on it. But the best part of the summer was definitely going out with my friends. I went out almost every night, it was the best. I am not really sure what I was supposed to do with this paper, or if it's going to be right, I am just righting everything that I can think of. I really like this class. I have so much fun in it; the professor makes the class interesting and fun, something very hard to do with such a large class. I usually try to avoid large classes as much as possible, but I am glad that I got a chance to be in this one. Well, time is about up. I am a really slow typist, because I only type with one finger, so this might seem shorter than the other. I really have to start typing like a normal person with two hands, but what can I do, right? Well, I'm going to return to my packing, I've got to get up early tomorrow. See you next class.
Yesterday I went to my brother's football game. He is in 7th grade and is the quarterback of the team. I was really proud of him even though they lost 200. My brother's name is Jason and he is also in the ROTC program at his school (Mendez Middle School). I've always admired him for his ability to go out and achieve his goals. Even though he may be scared, he'll try something new. I wish I had his courage and strength. I could never try anything new at least not on my own. Sometimes when things get to hectic for me, I can turn to my brother and I know everything is going to work itself out. My brother is the only boy in a family with three older girls and people have a hard time understanding our closeness to one another, especially my boyfriend. Until he met me he never knew that a brother and a sister could get along so well or have some kind of bond to each other. My brother's friends sometimes tease him about the relationship that he has with me, they'll say "it's not normal" or "ya'll are weird". But we don't let it bother us because sometimes we fight like cats and dogs but we can't stay mad at each other for long. Onetime on a TV show or a movie, I can't remember but anyway this lady made a comment that brother and sisters could not like each other, it was not sane or normal. He would wait up for me when I would come back from a date or he could not go to sleep until I did. We are five years apart and yet it seems like we are the same age. We both like the same things and keep each other informed about the latest sports trade or the biggest sports upset. I enjoy my brother and the bond that we share because it is unique and that makes it special. Recently, I've noticed that he is growing up into a young man and I get a little sad. The only thing that makes this process easy is that the change will occur on the outside and not in the inside. (I hope).
I don't ever know what to talk about in these damned things, although I know that the point is just to write whatever comes to mind. Nothing ever seems worth committing to anything besides a fleeting second of short term memory. My eye itches. I wish Keith would stop singing that opera crap so I could concentrate on what I am doing. Oh, wait, this is what I am supposed to be doing. My head itches. What am I going to do about Elizabeth? On one hand, I want to be free to enjoy college life, having my own apartment, and the like, but at the same time, I wonder if pushing her away will be the biggest mistake I ever make in my life. Sometimes I kind of wish that someone else were making decisions for me, or at least the tough ones. My stomach hurts a lot, thinking about this all the time. I hope I don't get a ulcer. That really would suck. My head itches again. I wonder what Jeff is doing tonight; I should call him and see if he knows of any parties going on. I should probably take this keg shell back and get my deposit. Is Charlie here? He needs to call his mom. Oh crap, I was supposed to call my mom back. It will have to wait though. Damn homework. I wonder if I have anything else to do tonight besides this. Economics. no, Chemistry. no, Philosophy. no, cool no other homework. I wish I could type as fast as I think, that would be nice. I hope my mom isn't too mad that I'm not coming home this weekend. she'll get over it. I hope she understands though; I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings. She really is good to me; so is Dad though. I wonder if Dad is back from his trip yet; he sure is out of town a lot. Maybe he will retire soon, and live off mutual funds. He'll probably wait for Katie to move out though. I wonder if Dean will ever move out; maybe he's finally got his act together  I hope he does, anyway. I wish I could do something to help him out  if nothing else but to see where he could be, where his potential lies. I think even if I could find the words, he would not take the time to listen, or be willing to listen, one or the other. Is time up yet? No. Hmmm. what am I thinking now? All these question marks. makes me feel like the Riddler or something. I wonder if that means anything, that my "stream of consciousness assignment is flooded with question marks. Apparently, there are still many questions in my life. Will they ever be answered? More question marks  great. So many questions, and not enough resources to answer them by. Not to mention the fact that no one can help because no one else is in the situation. I wish there were some way to link with someone  make them feel what you feel and know what you know  maybe get some reliable advice for a change.
I am so completely upset with my mother. We used to be so close and now she has turned evil on me!  She's mad about my cell phone bill, well then why did she buy it for me?  I called her the majority of the time anyway. It's not like I was calling Danny or Christie!  I think I- aggh, she seriously thinks I have nothing better to do up here then listen to her bitch about money. I'm trying to earn a college education so I don't have to worry about money. Not that a degree will magically erase all of life's problems, but it will always let me have something to fall back on. I wish I didn't have so much to do. I have a t least 2 chapters to read for each class, and I overslept this morning, so I missed Geography! Oops, I'm seriously not too interested in how the prehistoric man evolved into what we are today, but it seems rather important that I memorize it all now for the sake of the essay test yet to come. What's that all about anyway, essaytests?  Why not just give mc tests like the rest of the world? How boring would that be to read 300 essays over geography? Feel kinda bad for that man. I think that college should come with a scheduled in nap time. Everyone gets tired, it should just be one extra hour where you take your mat and blanket just like in kindergarden and go to your assigned building and sleep! If you show up you get a C if you doze off and on you get a B and if you knonk out you get an A!  Sounds good doesn't it!  It could count as an elective, and those with the hardest classes and the furthest to walk would get to register first!  I'm so smart I scare myself!! Just kidding, well. I still need to find brown shoes. Brown dress shoes, I have this brown dress to wear to this 75th anniversary party, and I don't have shoes!  I feel kinda like the girl in clueless. ohmygod, no shoes whatever will I do?  Seriously, after I enactmy nap time plan, I am going to create a brown dress shoe company. I will make a fortune, because I will be the only person in the world that makes brown shoes!  One day. I have a monster headache, I think it's my contacts, I should probably change them, has it been two weeks? I don't think so!  I'm a responsible person, I just forget to do things sometimes! I had to got to the postoffice today. That was neat. I had no idea what I was doing and I felt like a dumb teenage girl who had never been in any sort of public "Official" place. I'll try to stay away from there. Well it's been 20 min! Goodbye!
I have never been asked to do anything like this before. It is actually hard to think of anything to think about when you are asked to. This class seems as though it is going to be very interesting. Many people act in strange ways. Maybe this class will help me better understand that. I have a friend that acts in strange ways. Well, actually he use to be my boyfriend. It is so intersting to sit back and watch how he reacts to different things. He sometimes is so hateful and so mean to people for no reason. He has said so many mean things to me and the next day he is sorry for acting the way he did. But the funny thing is, he always ends up doing it again. My dad is somewhat the same way. But he seems more like he has a split personality. It is sometimes very scary. He can just snap sometimes and be a totally different person then he really is. Most of the time it is for no apparent reason. Maybe him being a heavy drinker has something to do with it. I also have a friend that doesn't know how to deal with her emotions too well. She goes literally crazy sometimes. One time I didn't answer my cell phone, and she left the most hateful voice mail. If you would have heard it, you would have thought she was crazy too. But when i confront her about it, she says sorry and can't explain why she did it. I seem to always be stuck in the middle of everything. No matter who is involved or what the situation is, my name always some how pops up. It is pretty aggrivating actually. And I have always lived my life to my dads standards. I never really get to worry about pleasing myself, because i always have to worry about pleasing my dad. My dad wanted me to be a cheerleader. So of course i worked my butt off to become one. He also wanted me to get in to UT. Don't get me wrong, i love it here. But the more i do want he wants the more he ask of me. None of his other children are asked to live up to his standards.
I have been sitting in my room for the past four hours. I am addicted to a video game. I haven't studied. I haven't eaten. I haven't done anything except sit in front of my television screen and focus on my Sega Dreamcast. The game is Virtua Tennis. Along with my roommates, I have begun to form somewhat of an addiction to the game. We play everyday and sometimes we play as late as 5:30 in the morning. We have played all sorts of different players from all over the world and it sometimes takes as long as two hours to beat the harder players. Sometimes, I wish I could just take the game and throw it out the window. It is starting to run my life and it is drawing me away from my studies. Every night when I do get to sleep, I think about tennis over and over again in my head. It is like a disease that is eating away at my mind. I finally drew myself away from the game because I am starting to realize that my classes are important. I am now beginning to focus more on my work. Luckily, I haven't been in school long enough for this game to do anything to my overall effectiveness in any class. I think the main reason I was drawn away from the game is because I, along with my roommates, after hours and hours of playing, finally beat all the levels and achieved every goal we could possibly get out of the game. This video game has turned me into a lazier person than I have ever been and it makes it harder for me to concentrate on my studies. I must get rid of this game before it messes with my academics. Therefore, I am going to the store sometime soon to return the game, or at least exchange it for something much less addicting. By doing this, I feel I can better focus on my class work and devote more time and effort to studying and making a good grade in all of my classes.
Moving here to Austin has had me thinking about all sorts of things, about my life in general. These past few weeks, I have been analyzing about every aspect of my life. I am constantly running countless memories of my life by home through my mind. As excited as I am to be here, and I much as I dislike the city I moved from, I cannot help but miss my friends and family and all that I left behind. I am not the most outgoing of people and I find it difficult to strike up conversations with random people, therefore prolonging any new friendships. I love this city, though and I am trying to come out of my shell and be the fun loving, loud girl I was back home. My friends and family back home reassure me it will only be a matter of time before I begin to feel right at home and have a whole new hoard of friends, but until then, I feel very lonely. My roommates on the other hand are worse off than me. The three of them are all friends of mine from back home. They all have boyfriends with who they are in constant contact with. They are eternally homesick and pretty much no fun whatsoever. I am a person who finds it difficult to hang around the house all day, but they on the other hand do not even want to go out to explore the city. So they are a big drag in my social life. Hopefully by the end of the year, I will have gotten them to enjoy party life at least half as much as I do, that is if I can tear them away from their cell phones for more than five minutes. All this time at home has allowed me to build up a nice collection of songs from the internet, and enjoy all the benefits the internet has to offer. I have been able to chat with friends near and far in length without any phone charges, which is always nice. Yes I am very happy to be here in Austin, but I just want this transitional phase to fly by so I can feel right at home. I am not even so much homesick as I am just lonely. With my circle of friends limited I do not have much to do except things on my own. Perhaps that is not such a bad thing, seeing as how I am doing some definite soul searching on my long lonely walks and my hours spent at bookstores, and libraries.
Right now I'm thinking how much easier it would be to write assignment  number 2. If there are no right or wrong things to write, I guess I should not worry. I believe I worry too much. It is hard to make this paragraph line up, the ends of each line that is. Right I feel blank but the nice  thing is since I wrote it out, my assignment is not a blank. If all assignments were this easy, I'd worry less. I'm hot, hungry and tired. All a  result of college life I guess. So far, the class has been interesting. I have a feeling the class will get more serious. I generally stay away from computers, technology intimidates me. I like the simple things in life but  the entire world is advancing so I must. For example, I am turning an assignment through the internet. Its pretty crazy to me. My typing is slowing due to an interest in a video that is on and extreme hunger. I be hitting  the submit button now.
always a problem. My hair is really wet and I should go dry it, but this assignment is what I need to do now. I almost slept through my eight o clock class, but I somehow made it. Ok this show keeps getting cheezier and cheezier oh dear. I have to cash a check and deposit it so my check book balances, which is something that needs to be done and really quickly because I will have to pay extra for all the hot checks I have written- uh oh. My twenty minutes probably seems shorter because I am a slower typist than most people. Kristen is a psycho whore, I hate hate her. Something shocking happens on this show every 5 seconds. I don't think that Days of our lives is a good show, but I seem to be addicted to it anyway. Keri is so nice and her and Austin are finally together, but probably not for long because there is s
I don't really want to do this assignment, I think it's tedious and I want to go to sleep. I haven't had much rest lately, but socializing with my friends is important to me too. I want to study, but I'm totally lost at what I want to do because I have so much work to do. I think I will study psychology first before I study my EE book. I miss my brother, he's so cool. Looking around the room, it feels full, but empty at the same time. This music in the background is cool, I'm glad I burned the cd today. I hope my dorm mates don't get mad that I'm turning it up so loud. I don't really care that much though. I want to go do something besides work. Everyone around here is studying, but I am not. I feel like I'm forgetting to study for something. I wish I went to see that movie last night, It sounded really cool. My neighbors are great, but I don't know if their real or fakes. i am so cynical. I don't understand why I don't trust anyone. I wish I could trust people more, but I think I trust too much already. I don't know. I think I'm going to call an old friend today, see if he wants to do something. Houston seems so far away from here, I miss my family. I don't understand why people don't miss their family here, I seem to be the only one. I try to call them everyday, but it seems like the telephone conversations isn't enough. I want them to be near me. The houses around here look really beat up and old, maybe they should live a little farther away. The concert I went to was pretty cool. i had a good time. It was strange, off all the concerts I went to, this one had a lot of good looking girls. It must be the type of music it is. I wish my taste in music was more targeted to good looking girls. But, I hate the music those girls listen to, it's so bad. I don't understand how they can listen to such garbage. Man, my trash can is full, when I'm done I think I'll throw out the trash. Why do people keep leaving garbage in here, it's not just us. I hope that my computer doesn't crash again. It's built well, but I seem to be slacking off on computer studying. I don't know as much as I did or wish to. I love computers so much though. I wish I could be rich like those million or billionaires. But, then again, I don't want to be too greedy, maybe if I could just provide enough for my family. I think I wouldn't like to be rich, maybe just comfortable and liking what I do. I hope EE is what I like to do, my decision making ability is really putrid. I don't think I like writing this. My hands are getting kinda strained. I think I'm going to go and throw away the trash, oh wait, I still have another assignment to do, wow, I'm glad I remembered to do this assignment, I don't want a bad grade only 4 weeks into the school year. Okay, I think I want to finish this up. Thank you for listening to my psycho-babble, I hope it benefits you more than it ever did for me. okay. I think ill stop now. bye.