ahs10/essays-big5 huggingface dataset:
Since I am already on the computer I am going to do 1 writing assignment. That's good because I wont have to worry about it later. I can take care of other things on my list, and I 'll be that much closer to going home. I like my new place. Its big and cold and my best buds live there. Theyre all cool except for the new guy, jon. This fella really has a stick up his ass. I respect that he works full time and is usually tired, but come on. Working doesn't give you any special rights except to get a paychek. It sure doesn't mean that all of your roommates should feel sorry for you and get you things. I can tell this is going to be a problem. We've already had words several times. What blew my mind was that this guy was willing to let it escalate into a fistfight in less than a minute. I mean, he's got to live with me for a whole year!  Am I the only one thinking here?  I really had to get raw then, telling him that that is NOT how we handle things in a civilized society, especially mine. He wants to shack up with me, Cap, and Bob, then he has to realize that we're tight and that if anybody gets roughed up, its him. Also, Bob's girlfriend has become a permanent fixture, already. I don't understand why she can't live where she pays rent, and carry on a relationship simultaneously. Everyone else does. I love bob to death, but this woman is no good for him. They're engaged, and she still gives everybody the "look" when he leaves the room. I feel sorry for him. But I should probably be glad it's not still me. I think the only reason that I bitch about some things is that it frustrates to see my bros not have it together like I do. Like half of my boys from dobie last year aren't even coming back. and the clincher, the real salt in the wound, is that none of them couldn't mentally make it here, its that they were so fucking lazy and unmotivated that they pissed it all away. Those were some of my best friends ever. I'll keep in touch with them, but when I talk to them I always feel a twinge of anger at them for not filling thier end of the bargain. They say they'll be back next semester, but I don't believe. A lot of them are so lazy that not even seeing what they'll miss is enough to get their attention. That's why I stay focused and that's why I'll stay at ut.
I am very excited to be taking this psychology class since I was unable to take a psych. class in highschool. I am hoping that this class will give me some  direction on my major. As of this moment I am supposed to be working towards pharmacy school, but I am beginning to think that it wouldn't keep my interest for very long.    (You know it is very hard for me to just write in my train of thought, and I don't know why. I'm not much of a perfectionist or anything)    Anyway back to psychology, Psychology really sparks my interest. In class, we discuss finding answers to many questions, but they normally pertain to other people than ourselves. Most of the questions that I would like to explore pertain to understanding myself. I am generally a happy person, and although I know that I will go through tremendous changes during my college career, I feel that I have a pretty good grip on the person I am. But--even though I feel this way, sometimes I have uncontrollable and unexplainable emotions. When this happens, all I can think is "why?"  Psychology is one of those things that I  don't know much about, but even with the little knowledge I have, I am amazed. I think it is very possible I may want to have a career in this area. I don't  really know how I got on this spill about your class; probably because it drives me crazy not knowing what I want to do. I've always had everything very planned out, but after really thinking about it, that isn't the way I want to plan the rest of my life (if that makes any sense). What I mean is. I can't just pick a job (say Pharmacist), and decide "Im gonna be a pharmacist. "  That is what I  did about a year and a half ago. I even got a job as a pharmacy tech at Walgreens which could help me out a lot. But, now I feel like pharmacy would get very dull  and boring. I feel like I'm on an endless search for something that really sparks my interest. I've never been really exceptional at one thing or in one subject, and that makes me feel kind of lost, like I don't have a calling. Psychology sparks my interest more than anything else, but I haven't been through the  course so I can't really say if I have a "passion" for it or anything.   Along with my search for a "passion," I want success more than anything. I have had an average life I guess, but my life would never be complete with out stress. Not stress in general, but financial stress. I know that I am much more fortunate than many others, so why am I so stressed. I guess because all of  my best friends were spoiled rotten, and I began to forget that I was so fortunate. I wasn't able to do all the things they were able to, I didn't get to drive a  nice car, go shopping , or out to ear. These are all things that I believe are superficial, but I would like to be able to do these things with no worries  when I am older. Even more so, I would like to spoil my kids rotten when that time comes around. Anyway (Im a little scatterbrained today), I am a little afraid that when I find my so called passion that it will be something that will not allow me to accomplish my second goal.
Well, I suppose I should think of a topic to write for 20 minutes. It is a mystery to what kind of issue or topic the professor wishes me to explore. I know he says to just type what I think, but the topic is so broad there are an infinite number of paths and possibilities to explore. What exactly is the professor trying to look for in this writing experiment. It can't be the simple fact to see if a person is capable of typing for 20 minutes. My mind currently draws a blank at what I should write about. Perhaps my first impressions of college as a freshman? Well so far, I think I'm still getting used to the fact that I am living on my own, and I do have a greater sense of independence from my parents. However, there are responsibilities I like and dislike having. Wow, it's only been around 5 minutes since I started. I really doubt I am capable of typing about no specific topic for a whole 20 minutes. Now I am thinking if I am required to type for the whole 20 minutes, or if I can simply hit the finish button when I have finished this stream of thought. Earlier, I started to complete a few experiment requirements. The prescreening requirement was not available, which is kind of depressing since it seemed like an easy 1. 5 hr worth of experimental credit. I hope it becomes available later. Now, my mind continues to draw a blank with nothing to write about. Honestly, I'm watching TV while typing this assignment, hoping to pass the time a little faster. It doesn't seem to be helping much though. It's strange when you try to force yourself to type about anything, nothing comes out. Not just nothing good, but ABSOLUTELY nothing! Well I'm nearing the 15 min mark, and I seem to have less and less to write. I wonder how long other people's assignments will be. Perhaps most will be longer than mine, but maybe not. Some soul must be just as stuck as I am.
I have no idea wher to begin. Im sitting in my dorm and the sound of th a. c. and the fans is driving me crazy. Its like either be hot or be completely annoyed. Besides that, I have twenty different other things on my mind. Am I going to bo to the SI session tonight or am I just going to study so I can go out tonight? Should I even go out tonight? I feel so nervous all the time that Im not using my time wisely. I don't feel at home in this dorm yet so its hard for me to have an organized lifestyle that I am comfortable with. I am so hungry but if I take the time to eat I could be taking time out of other things and I still have another 15 minutes to write so I really can't stop to eat yet. Mainly food is on my mind along with allthe other things I still need to do. It seems like it never ends. Its wierd because when I am studying I feel so enlightened by learning things and I also feel like I am getting a lot accomplished but when I am not studying no matter what the reason, I feel like I am wasting time or getting behind. I wish I could know where I stand compared to the other students as far as knowledge and studying goes. I am so tired and overwhelmed and excited all at once about everything that my mind is going crazy. This whole writing thing is also making me crazy because at times I can't think of what to write and I feel like I have to be constantly writing. Peolpe keep calling my cell phone and I want to answer it but I don't want to loose my train of thought but I guess that doesnt matter because as long as I write what I am thinking its ok but whatever. I keep worrying that the thinking that the things I am writing are making me sound depressed and that along with prof. pennebaker saying that most college students are depressed really disturbs me because I am not one to be depressed and it doesnt sound very fun. I feel really bad that I am ignoring these phone calls because i always seem to ignore the person who is calling.
um I have never done this before. I guess I will think about my day today. I  went shopping with  friend. We went to a little store called oat willies it is  kind of a "subculture" store. it has been around for a long time. they sell all  kinds of hippy novelties- pipes, inscense, books about drugs, and probably drugs  too if you know the right people. anyways my friend bought some sunglasses then  as we were walking back a friend from highschool came running out of baskin  robbins to say hi. I don't know her very well but she seems really nice. then we  went into this vintage clothes store. they had a lot of really soft comfortable  looking t-shirts. We both tried on a couple. then the guy that worked there  accused us of stealing a shirt which was really weird cause niether of us really  had anything that we could have hidden a shirt in. he found this hanger on the  rack that didn't have a shirt on it so I guess one of his shirts was missing and  I feel bad for him but it was still kind of insulting to be wrongly accused. Oh  well no big deal for me I guess. so I bought one t-shirt for three dollars and  we left. maybe his lost shirt will turn up somewhere. next we went to another  little store that sells interesting odds and ends. Myfriend ended up buying a  bag that she really liked from nepal it was pretty cheap. then we went back to  her dorm room and hung out with her suite mates while we decorated her room. ok  I think it has been about 20 minutes I hope whoever has to read th
that sucks  what the hell am I supposed to do until then  I have to go to a friends place to type all my papers and send all my email from there  I feel like everything goes wrong at once I mean come on what kind of cheap ass computer breaks after having it for only 4 days  everything else is going fine except for all the meetings and crap I have to go to everyone up here expects so much from me I just sent a thousand people e mails and all the people who I wanted to hear from did not answer and all the people who I did want to hear from never responded  I guess I can't hold on to this false hope that all my friends from high school will also be my friends now unfortunately I haven't made any new friends up here either everyone else seems to be doing okay at making new friend and I don't think that I m antisocial or anything I'm just not as outgoing around people I don't know that well I'm trying to do this stupid thing while watching TV and its not working too well but its the MTV music awards and therefore its worth watching I like music and the radio stations up here are pretty good and they don't play that many commercials so there is a lot of music on all the time so last weekend my friends wrecked the car and I can't take my computer to get fixed  these girls that I used to make fun of in Houston are still mad at me up here I mean how long can someone hold a grudge I emailed both of them today and if they email me back then I will know that they aren't still angry with me well my twenty minutes are up now and I can get onto my homework and watch some of the music awards I think that me and my friends might go clubbing tonight and maybe I can meet some good looking honeys
I am in Mollie's room right now using her internet-I hope she doesn't care. I get really frustrated with computes sometimes. I wish I understood them better. I only like Email. I like Email because I can talk to my friends in New York. I can't wait until I get to see them on my birthday. I hope they are just as excited as I am. Meg is talking about her boyfriend. Everyone has a boyfriend here in Hardin House. Alot of them are far away though. I guess that would be pretty hard to deal with. If I really liked someone far away I would be really sad here. Last night was really fun. I had a good time with my friends. Sixth street is always fun because there are such a variety of people there. One of these nights I am going to sing karyoke. Then maybe someone will discover me and I'll become famous. I think my friend Rob will be famous someday. Je and Andy and Frederick. They are so awesome--I can't wait to see them. I wonder what will happen with Andy. I keep wondering about him. He has a girlfriend, but she is depressed and she brings him down. Maybe I'll learn more about her depression in this class. I just hope he's happy. Rob is not happy with Amy right now--she really lied to him and Caleb. They are trying to get revenge now. They wrote a letter about her and they are going to put it up in the restaurant where she works. It's pretty mean and I bet she'll be really embarrassed. I told Rob that revenge is a scary thing because it can consume you. He said "I know, but I've never been so furious in my life. " I feel sorry for him because I know he really liked her. I warned him though. I knew the second I met her that she was up to no good. She came between two best friends and she didn't even care. I wonder how my friends at schools far away are doing. I think Abby, at Arizona is doing really well. She has made two "soul-mates" from Las Vegas. I bet they are so crazy on the dance floor! I miss Abby--especially dancing with her. She is so much fun. I guess I'll see her on OU weekend. Then I can tell her all about my trip to New York. Kelli will be home from Georgia, too. I can't wait to see her either. I hope she's been behaving herself. She breaks a lot of hearts. Her mom is really lonely by herself, I know she can't wait for Kelli to come home. I bet their phone bill is very expensive. I hope mine is not too bad. I've talked to Rob and Andy several times. I'm so glad I talked to Andy though. We really confessed a lot to each other, It was good to get some of those things off of my chest. The situation is pretty good right now, I hope Rob doesn't make the situation worse--if he is a real friend he will encourage Andy like he said he would. I think my friend Dallas in Arizona is miserable. He has never really been his own person-- he relies too much on other people for his identity and now he knows no one a t school, He will really grow from this experience though. I should call him, but then again ===That phone bill! That (the save in $) is the good thing about Email. I can always send him regular mail, too. I like real mail. You can write your true feelings so much easier in a letter. That is why I like to write Andy,
This is one of the most interesting assignments to date in my educational career. Never before have I submitted my work over the computer. I pretty much knew what  I was going to write about when I got down here. my ex-girlfriend. She brings out a lot of sensations and feelings, and I can say most have been pleasant, but not lately. The guy next to me seems pretty cool. Some guy just sat down by me. looked like he was lost or maybe self-conscious because he didn't sit long. I guess this place isn't so bad. I've got a hangover. which isn't too bad, considering me excessive intoxication the night before. What a bitch. People type too damn loud!! The guy running this place seems somewhat dorkey. may that be an understatement. Ryan will be happy to know that I am finally going to break it off with her. It's what he wanted, and I too, but I couldn't do it myself. she's too damn manipulating and she's a bad, bad person. Who the hell is she to think that I'll always be here to pick her ass off the ground like some sort of surrogate mother. Last time I checked I don't have any breasts to breast-feed her. But I'll tell you who does. Tiffany Amber Thiessen (also known as val on 90210). They can't be real, say the girls I was watching the show with. what makes them experts on breasts, maybe the fact that they've had them for a long time. But every damn time a girl seems some guy with a ripped ass body they never take in to consideration that that shit could very well be fake, too. I wonder what that loud noise was. I think I curse to damn much. oh well. Yes that would be a cute chick next to me. but she doesn't look all that good. I don't see  any fine girls in here. people talk too much. there are a lot of fine girls here but not as many as were anticipated. now sixth street is where you'll find a lot of honnies. Sixth street is where you'll find a lot of stuff, that's where I got my tattoo, which everyone has said they liked it except the artist(known as forest) who tattooed it on my back. Probably because there's too much detail and his lazy  ass didn't want to do it all. I've got four more minutes left to this assignment  and some guy just dropped his calculator. dumbass. I'm thirsty . und ein bischen hungry, that was a little German for those wondering(hope I spelled it right). It's odd as soon as we see someone or meet someone we immediately pass judgment on  them, we don't know these people but we judge them one first impressions. which can be positive or bad. my first impressions come off better when I've had a little  to drink, not that my sober impressions come off as bad, I can always entertain  people better when I've had a little to drink. . gotta go
Now I've really come to see that life would be much better once you're gone. This is a good song. Only girls like it though. Bye Bye Bye. Fool for you. I don't feel this way about Jason at all. I am really in love with him. I can't let my parents know. I don't like hiding the way I feel from them but they would never like Jason if they knew I loved him so much. I am looking at our picture right now. That is the picture that I looked at the whole time I was in Europe. He looks so good but it seemed like I almost forgot what he looked like after a month. Just looking at that picture wasn't enough. I'll never be able to tell him what happened. I love him too much. If I really love him that much, would I have done it? I think it was something I had to do to get that nasty feeling to go away. I don't regret anything. I still can't get adjusted to this new college life. I guess it will take more time. I know I'll love it soon. I always want Jason to be here when he's not and when he's here I feel like he's tying me down. He is really understanding about my adjustment though. I jut hate it when he gives me a guilt trip. He also thinks he superior to me too much. Whether it be with sex or life experience. He has experienced more than me but there are a lot of things that I know better than him. He doesn't think that. That is all the complaints I have about him. God, I am totally in love with him. What did he do that captured me? His looks defiantly were the reason at first. He feel in love me much sooner than I fell in love with him. I'm still catching up and now I am put in the setting where I have a lot of other options. I still choose him over anyone. There isn't another guy that has all his qualities. I have defiantly not seen anyone as hot as him. He's gorgeous to me. I miss my parents. I wish I didn't have to so secretive with Jason around them. They know how I feel, just they don't know how much. It bothers them already and they don't even really know. How am I supposed to tell them? I want them to get along with him. I think someday they will  once they realize how I feel they'll support anything I decide. Looking at Jason and me compared to Erich and Lisa is weird. I can't see how Lisa loves Erich judging by the way they fight. They'd never make it. Jay and I never fight unless it's over something really dumb and then we forget about it two seconds later. Maybe its cause we don't see each other as much. That is going to change because we're so much closer. Lisa and Erich fight more now that they're apart. It sucks for her and me for that matter because I hate the way she's always upset. It will end soon and she'll get over it.
It is not as though they dit down and say "hey, I'm going to change who I am today, just for the fun of it!" and if they do they aren't serious about changing. I have changed. A lot. It almost scares me how I have evolved as a person over the past several months. My thoughts have changed, how I view myself and other people, how I respond to certain situations, my opinions, beliefs, morals, attitudes; they have all been dramatically altered since this time last year. The funny thing about this is the reason why. I always considered myself to be a person set in my ways, never to step out of bounds, never to go against what I thought was socially acceptable. On a small scale, I was my own person, unique in every way, but in the scheme of life, I was right there with every other middle class high school girl. Trying to fit in, to wear the coolest clothes, listen to top 40 music, go to all the parties to make and appearance and be friends with certain people just because they were "popular". Then I met Cody, and I realized that there was so much more to life that what I was used to. The world wasn't one big happy carousel, spinning and singing and whoever got the prettiest horse was best. No, that's not how it was. There were problems in the world, and I realized that I had been ignorant to them, and it wasn't right. I came to realize that there is so much hatred and apathy out there, and it's tolerated. Not accepted, but tolerated, and that's wrong to. Cody taught me that it's okay to stand up for what I believe in, even if everyone else wasn't doing it, to do it for myself. Not to condone the racism, sexism, homophobia and bigotry that goes on behind closed doors. If we ignore it, it will only fester and grown until there's nothing anyone can do to stop it. I began to realize then that it doesn't matter if you're wearing Polo jeans, or if your parents just bought you a  brand new Mercedes, because in the scheme of things, it's all irrelevant and pointless. This message was made clear to me through Cody and the music we listen to. It's okay to be different, it's okay to spike your hair and pierce your eyebrow, because the people who frown upon you for doing so are the people who are afraid of change, the same people that tolerate that same hatred I previously mentioned. It's okay for me to be different as long I know that I'm doing what's rights, and the two should never be confused. You can be considered a social outcast and still contribute more to the well being of society than some big shot in his three piece armani suit, (the epitome of luxury that most people in America idolize today) sitting behind his desk letting his greed for power and money boil into hatred to the point that he will step over all those "lower" than him to get what he want's. This isn't right. Yet this is the American dream. What is wrong with this picture?