I am really tired right now. I don't know why I am so tired. I really shouldn't be this tired. But I am. The weather outside is really dark and moody to me. It makes me tired I think. I am kind of mad at my friend because she told me that she was going to come pick me up and take me out but she bailed out. That is no good she is often times doing that. I can't help but think of what is wrong with me when I have to write for a psychological purpose. I think about what is wrong with me a lot. I filled out the pretest thing a little while ago and it was interesting to see where the questions were going. There is where the bias coms in I guess-- knowing that you are thinking for someone that is going to evaluate this eventually. I want to go running (there is a track outside) but I don't have the will power to do it. Dieting is a lot easier than having to run. I like my dorm room a lot. It is very cozy and nice. My roomate is an okay guy so far, we have only had 1 run in so far. But there will be more I think. A lot more. We are very diffrent on how we approach things. I am a die hard liberal and he is a film major that just doesn't want to really take a stance. I don't know why that is. I have always been a liberal but sometimes I can be considered fiscally conservatice but incredibly socially liberal. I mean I am under the impression that one should let people do what they want with their bodies if they have the mind ability and ultimately the autonomy. I am really bad at grammar. I really really am. I don't know what I am so bad because I want to be an English major-- but alas I just am really bad at it. I really like being able to type really fast. It makes me happy. Very very happy. I worked at a law firm taking dictation for a period of time and it was somehow-- in a masochistic fashion- fun. I am really nervous right now. This is college. The big C. This is what I have been looking forward to for my past 18 years of life. And now I am here. I am a freshman and sometimes it can be intimidating. I am the kind of person that likes to always be right, and always the smartest at whatever I do; but I don't know if I can be that here. There are so many people. It gives me a really bad inferiority complex. Like a really bad one. And most of all-- that is what I hate; not being in some way special. I feel guilty at times because I think that I am being egocentric. Well, I know that I am egocentric. My entire world is based upon my own little perceptions and the like. I don't know why. I would change it if I could. But it ain't possible. I hate being stupid. That is my biggest fear, well I guess it is, of being stupid. I would hate to be stupid. It would be bad. My roomate is talking to me right now. And I have to do this right now. But I guess it messes up an authentic stream of consciousness. I am also a bad speller. I remember when I was younger that I misspelled spell, and my teacher thought that I did it on purpose. Very, very embarissing. I might want to be a poet. but really I know that I am going to be a lawyer probaly. I guess I will like it. I am kind of superficial at times and I need money to be happy. I hear people say all the time that they could be just happy as can be without money. and I don't believe that. I am just shallow. A poet makes no money really. Notoriety is also big with me in my ambition, but ultimately money is what I need. I guess that with money, everything to me seems possible. I don't know why that is. When I was younger my family always had a fair amount of money. I got a lot of things that I wanted. I guess I am the anomaly to the saying,   those that grow up with money; spite it. And those that have no money; crave it   That really isn't a. what is it called. crap. . now I can't remember what it is called. It is a literary term. I use it a lot. Ummm. . . okay. . a terse statement filled with wit. Ahhhh. . this is really going to bug me. hmmmm. it is called a. well it starts with an A. . Wait. I have to look it up. APHORISM!!!!. . thank the lord. it toom me forever. Very happy that I remembered. Time is almost up. The twenty minutes is slowly coming to a close. I guess I wrote a lot. It wasn't constant there at the end. I had to look that word up. It would have driven my crazy if I couldn't have remembred.