wow I just turned on my music a little too loud. that really scared me for a second. let's get this straightened out a bit I'm so glad I'm listening to this cd it reminds me of Chris, who I miss terribly at the moment. I wonder why he didn't call me back last night well I guess it was really late and he probably had stuff to do, his chemistry homework and stuff like that. I think it's really funny that his roommate's name is hank and he's Chinese, that's just funny. my feet are really cold even though I have on socks and my slippers I guess it's just that I always get really cold in hardin house I don't know why they keep it like a refrigerator in here. everything's going to be alright, rockabye. I like this song a lot. all her friends tell her she's so pretty, she'd be a whole lot prettier if she smiled once in a while. so Fiji has a foam party planned for tomorrow night and I think that's going to be a lot of fun, except I don't know, the thought of being in a room of foam really freaks me out. I get really claustrophobic, especially when I feel like I can't breathe, kind of like when I go to sleep and I like to pull the covers up over me but I always have to make sure there's a way for a lot of air to get in and out because otherwise it just freaks me out. anyways, I think it'll be fun but I'm not sure if I'm going to get in the whole way. I've been in a whiteout once, that one in beaver creek or wait no it was park city and that was so scary, I kind of think this would be like that except a lot closer and like in your face, and hopefully not as cold. though part of what makes me claustrophobic is when you get all hot and everything as well as not being able to breathe, like you feel like you can't get any fresh air like a breeze or anything. but I still really want to go in just for a minute to say I've done it. but Leila was telling me about how people like do stuff in the foam, and I don't know I'm worried because mark is a Fiji which makes me kind of not want to go over there I wonder why he's been telling his friends about me I really don't like that because I really don't like him and I know he likes me but he's kind of crazy and obsessive almost, though he's really nice, it just seems like he tries way too hard. like too hard to be so interested in your conversation and be listening and just making that "hmmmmmm. interesting. " like too pleasant psychologist kind of face that makes me think he's like analyzing everything I say, like I sound stupid but he's just not saying anything kind thing. I don't know I just really don't like that at all. and I think he's a little gay. well maybe not gay, but definitely metro. I think it's really funny that I've spelled definitely my whole life, and it's always been wrong but I just can't retrain myself to get it right. kind of like weird or weird. I still get them mixed up because I know I used to always write it one way and it was wrong, but now I don't know which way is right because I can never remember if I ever actually fixed it or not. I think it's weird. weird. whatever. weird. that looks a lot more right than the other way so hey we're going to go with that. I don't know what I think about will. he's also a Fiji, so if I go to foam I get to see him but I also have to deal with mark, so that's kind of like a double-edged-sword-damned if you do damned if you don't situation. I got sick of the hyphens. anyways, I think he's a really sweet guy and all, but he's just so quiet! but at the same time it's like I'm drawn to him almost because he's a dry pledge and he's cute but not all at the same time, I'm sick of this song and I'm changing it this one is happier but back to will I just don't know what I think of him. or that. whatever. I am leaving cause I love you, I am leaving cause I don't and I'm hoping you will follow and I'm praying that you won't let me go. I want to know who sings this song, Chris never told me. I still can't believe he made me all those cds on the night he left it was really fun to talk to bo yesterday, I really liked talking to him he seemed so lonely and desperate to talk to someone his own age. I miss bo. I could never tell if he really liked me or not, kind of like Travis, because it always seemed like we had the same kind of conversation every time, like hey bo how you doing I'm good ok talk to you later awkwardness kind of thing. I don't know. scratch my neck. anyways I never really knew about that but I've always liked him, 3ven after he insulted the cake at my 16th birthday party, I can't believe he didn't remember that at all and I thought it was so funny that he was just completely horrified at himself. I love that story, it's almost as classic as the cookie analogy from homecoming my sophomore year when he and Chris both wanted to ask me, and then after that when bo liked me and I liked Chris and they were fighting over me. I wonder if it was right that I brought it up that last night we were all together that was so much fun I can't believe I actually stayed there until 4 in the morning and I'm glad Chris never lit his cigar up around me that really would have made me mad even though I know bo really wanted him to, I'm glad bo didn't force the issue too much though because I would have felt bad but I didn't want him to do that around me I hate smoking so much I hope Andrew quits it'll kill him I think it's so funny that Leila figured out that he was the guy that was making out with marry at the Fiji island party, I'm glad I wasn't there because I think I would have been really embarrassed. I guess that's part of the thing about always being the sober one at different places. it's a lot of fun because you can laugh at the people that are just getting really drunk and doing stupid things but at the same time you have to take care of people and it's like you get embarrassed for them because they just have no idea what they're doing. but I like not drinking, and I like feeling like I don't have to and people accept that. it's really kind of nice wow I only have like 3 and a half minutes left that's pretty cool. but I sure am getting there. two dimes in the telephone alright, no it's not easy tonight. good song I really do love this cd I wonder if Michelle is ever going to get me that nello cd, I really would love that. or maybe if Chris could give me the cd that has that new nello song on it I loved that. he first played that for me outside of casey's house. what were we doing over there? were we going to a concert or something. maybe? I don't remember. ha-ha Hailey used to always say we went over there to see casey's brothers. they're so hot. but Kevin's married now. I don't like how I just sounded like a bimbo there I really am smart I promise. I feel really stupid in my world lit class though because I've never taken Latin and I haven't studied Greek, and I don't know I just feel like I'm behind the ball here on Dante's inferno. I like the book a lot but I'm worried about the first paper that we have due in a few weeks. starting a paper and getting the initial idea is always the worst part by far. so don't make the wrong impression I don't want raffa to think I'm like stupid it's like in hagood's class though I guess I just have to learn when to speak up, it's like I'm wow that just interrupted me and I had no idea where I was going. . I guess I just get writing and I have to get really into the stream of consciousness without letting myself put myself into editor mode. I guess that's what I have to do when I start writing a paper because instinctively I start editing myself before I even begin and then I just end up never really getting anywhere. well I'm done here. goodbye.