today is a bad day. my boyfriend and I of 2 years just broke up because he is     at another university and is rushing right now. I have always been the center of his     world and now he acts like he doesn't even want to talk to when except for when it     is convenient for him. His roommate told me last night that he has cheated on me     and when I first heard that I got so sick to my stomach and had to run to the     restroom. Jared, has been the ony guy that I have ever loved and I thought I would     marry him. we spend holidays together and I am already a part of his family and     he is part of mine. To think of him being with someone else just kills me and I am     so torn up right now that I cannot concentrate on anything but him. I had to end it     because I cannot continue to be hurt when all I have done is devote my whole life     to him. he assured me all summer that things would be fine with us apart and that     if he was to join a fraternity that it would never get in the middle of what we had     together. My thoughts are horrible right now and I NEVER thought that I could feel     so hurt and ashamed. My biggest fear is that he won't even care because he will     just move on since he is so involved and has so many opportunities to meet other     girls. Jared has been the sensitive one in our relationship since day one and he     was always worried about me forgetting about him. he was always the one that     couldn't stand not to see me for one day, and he was so in love with me tat     sometimes I got annoyed by it. Now the tables have completely turned because I     feel like I am incapable of functioning without him. for the past 2 years, everything     has been about him and so now I just don't know what to do with my time. Where do     I even start without him there to say I love you at night , or without him there when I     am having a bad day? This is the worse feeling I have ever felt and I just wish he     knew how it was to be thinking about him every second of the day! He will     probably just go on and not even miss all the times we have had together and just     party all the time like he ahs been for the last two weeks. I helped him move into     his new apartment and was not invited to come since, but all of our friends have     gone over there and seen him, so why did he have to put his own girlfriend in that     position? I have not been real happy lately as it is because I just transferred to UT and     I hate it so far. I don't see anybody I know during the day and I feel so lonely     without jared, and now it will be permanent. This is the worse time for this to happen     and it makes me feel sick when I think about how it probably won't change. We     have always been so in love and people know us as the perfect couple and now     there is nothing perfect about us and all I feel is pain. he is going to the school that     I did last year and is meeting all these new people and having all this fun while I     have been sitting at home dreaming of him and this is what I get for it! I kept telling     myself that it was going to be hard while he was pledging but now its going to be     much harder never knowing what he is doing without me and wondering about     him every day. I am lucky to have a great family that supports me so much to help     me during down times like this, but they have never seen me like the way I am     today. I have seen other people hurt this bad and I just thought to myself that it     must suck to be like that and now here I am in their shoes. he is the guy that has     always put a smile on my face, made me feel loved and made me a better person. I go to sleep at night thinking of him and I wake up in the morning thinking of him. We have had problems before and after a few days he couldn't stand fighting with     me and would brake down and tell me that he hated when it was bad. I keep     telling myself that if we don't talk for a while that he will realize what he ahs lost     and call me explaining he loves me too much to lose me, but I have such a bad     feeling that this time is different and he will just move on. I don't want to move on     but I have to keep myself busy knowing that he is out all the time with other people     because when I think about it too much, it tears my heart up. this is the guy that I     have planned my wedding with and after just 3 weeks of being away he has     already given me up. We have all the same friends and I will not be able to hear     about what he is doing and be able to see him anytime soon until I start t feel     better. I have no energy and It scars me because I don't even want ot do my     homework of study because my mind is in such a  different place right now. He has     put everything in front of me and his roommate told me that he does not think he     cares as much about me right now since he is so caught up in rushing and meeting     people. It just kills me to think that I am here and he is there without me because I     have always been included in everything he does. Now all of a sudden I am shut     out and I hope he realizes that he can't live without me. It is so hard for me to think     of him with somebody else because I know everything about him and what he likes     and does not and I don't ever want another girl to be that close to him. I love jared so     much and I wish he wouldn't have ever left or that I would have stayed there     because things could be different right now, but he enjoys making me jealous     when he talks about all the things he is getting to do. I know that I must just live     day to day knowing that things will get better but right now I can't see myself getting     over this for a long long time. I feel worthless today, am I am a very good person     so what did I do to deserve this? I am just hoping and praying that things can be     patched up between us one day after we both have some time to see what life is     like without each other. I just don't want him to throw everything away, because he     is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I talked to him this morning and all     I could do was cry and when we got off the phone is that feeling that anybody     would hate when saying bye to someone that they love as much as I do. I am only     wondering what he will do for the rest of the day and if I will ever be on his mind     because I usually know what he is doing all the time. I am supposed to be the one     who goes to these parties with him and I am supposed to be with him when he     meets other poeple so they know that I am his girl and now all these girls that have     been in love with him while we have been together are going to love that we have     broken up. I am going on and on about how upset I am its just very hard because I     had never loved anybody before him and it breaks my heart to think of being     without him. And as  for school, I hope it gets better it will just take some     adjustments. I hope jared still loves me as much as he always has!