i can't seem to picture anything but just seem to think of silence and the color white. It also seems to help me think of me sort of like a simple person and how my mind is thinking of my personallity and the color white as if i am a boring person. Then i think that it is not the color that best represents me because i really believe i am outgoing and that the color white is dull and really not me. I seem to be distracted by the air condition in my apartment as if everything i am thinking is interupted my the noise of the air. Blue pops into my head sort of associating the air with the color blue but now it seems as if that is impossible because you can't see air then why would i associate it with the color blue, maybe because it is the color that artists have used in the past to associate wind with. Now i have a song by Puff Daddy in my head and all i know is that i repeat inside my head  the same verse   as long as we're here we might as well shine together   i wonder if they are actually his words because before he has been accused of copying words from other artists. Yet it is surprising that i am writing so much and not complaining, maybe because everything is just poping into my head this is different i usually don't think of anything. now i am thinking i don't pay enough attention to myself enough as if i ignore what my minds says. If once i could actually stop and think what my mind says like i am doing right now maybe i would be a better person and i wouldn't be in the position i am put in all the time and maybe just maybe i would'nt be in trouble all the time. now that i say trouble i think of my girlfriend and start to wonder what she is doing and maybe what she is thinkning. isn't it weird how we rather see what otherpeople are thinking rather than seeing what you yourself is thinking. i just thought that was weird but true. now i wonder what all this means all these mixed thoughts without no real sense in them. how can a test be made to tell me what or how i think that's weird. but then again that is the 21 century for you staring right at your face. Were there tests that could tell you how you thought 100 years from now or is this just something recent. that last sentence seems stupid like if i were asking the air and waiting for a response. it is raining outside and it is the first time i see rain in Austin because i am not from around here it is amazing how the sound of the rain makes me want to sleep but now after so long i found out that rain or the weather does not affect a persons mood. thats weird if there were anything that i was certain in psychology was that it did affect your mood or the way a person felt. just now i wonderd why do they say that if there is an eclipse it is bad for a preganant women. Just out of now where i thought that. Is it bad? wait a minute who am i asking thats weird how i still want to know something and rather than asking someone who might know something about the subject i rather ask myself to see i really can not come up with an answer. I wonder where my parents are if they are at work or if they are at home and if it is raining there too like it is here or my brothers where are they who knows we hardly see eachother anyways so it is as if i were home