bored. I'm supposed to be going out on a saturday night, but I'm not. it's a saturday night and I'm sitting in front of a computer, instead of at the Roxy with all the sororities. maybe it's good because I'll finally be set on the track of that good work thing my mom's been talking about. mom's upset. I don't miss her. today, 6 bad things done. she would be upset. so many rules broken. what if she surprise visits? bad. very bad. she and dad are watching t. v. right now. onni is probably out or sulking at  home. I'm so much more lucky than her. no curfew. she doesn't study enough. I'm getting all her breaks. oppa is spoiled he didn't even come to see me move away. I hate him. he's sending me a care package. it's probably because onni told him to. a hundred dollars less than a tv. that cheapskate. trying to buy my affection. he hugged me in san angelo. seemed pretty proud of me. stanley seems creepy. poor guy. he was used and abused by that whore woman. I hope he doesn't marry that girl I saw. she looks mean. won't accept stanley's korean side. oh well. he never did. went to germany, had a great time, can't come to one family function and eat his own foor. I'm ashamed of him. so geeky. so is jun. he and I get along good, too. I htink hoon might be, too. but pretty cool. he's probably out, too. van wants me to call him to take us places. I hope he doesn't think I'm using him. I hoipe he doesn't tell my sister about me being oout late. jordyn's got problems. she's like intelligent jennifer miller. whiny, problems, manic depressive. van seemed mad about  ride. oh well. hope social life doesn't evolve around her. ben's cute. but too short. cute, though. romantic. writes songs. not masculine, rough enough. maybe hsort's the problem. real nice. seemed annoyed when I took van away. oh well. saw him today. kind of brushed him off. oops. hope he doesn't take it personally. remembered my name. yeah. michelle wants a job. no money. I feel bad because I want to spend money. noone has money to spend except me. don't know how to spend money. too cheap. like mom. hope she doesn't find out about leftover money. need to go school shopping. buy small calculator. hope books come. cheap. hope coop takes books. fifty dollars. lots. maybe buy cool jeans. very uncomfortable at unity show. / too many thin cute asian girls to compete wiht. I should hang aorund migook people more. they're big and not so delicate. asian people have the worst manners! good mix. I am. van is too much white. michelle ggood, too. she is  pretty. thinks she's not. she's crazy. van and I always talk aobut how pretty she is. I wonder what she thinks about me? I won't aske. just asking for pity answer. I think I'm attractive. kind of . sometimes yes, sometimes no. depends on size of waist at that time. ugh. tae bevo didn't work at all. what am I going to do with the rest of the weekend? ben's family is in town. sucks. wanted to show him my pachelbel and mrs. moore's writing techniques. I wonder how bowie's doing. yuck mrs. rose. she sucks. too many rules. she ruined school for me. michelle's so nice. she's too good to b e true. I tkae advantage of her. phuong is easy to make fun of. maybe too much. too much. I wonder if her feelings get hurt a lot. she acts too cute too quickly to be for real. chess was fun. I made a fool of myself in front of sebastian. he's nice. kinda geeky. reminds me of marc. sucked at chess. I beat him at checkers. big pride. yay! the candle smells good. I left it on! the room smells good. I should go work out. don't want freshman 15. yuck. already need to lose 15. should lose more. tae bevo is too far. maybe I'll buy a sports pack.