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Assistant: Title: The Way You Used To Do
        Author: edema_ruh edema_ruh 
        Chapter: 26/30 
        Summary: "We're really sorry," his father says, in a teary-eyed, wobbly way. "But your friend, Izuku, he's... He's gone, son."
  
  Katsuki can do nothing but blink up at them for moments that feel like an eternity, eyes darting between both his parents in obvious confusion, disbelief, and, more than anything, indignation.
  
  "What the f@ck are you two talking about? The d@mn nerd is standing right beside you!"
 During a battle, Midoriya gets hit by a villain whose quirk detaches his soul from his body. Stuck in a ghost-like state, the boy enters a race against time in order to save himself from permanently dying. Much to his luck - or lack of it -, the only person who can see and talk to him in this state is no one other than Kacchan.Alternatively: Deku and Kacchan are soulbound.
        Contents: Chapter 26: Kiksuya
    

    


      
        
          Hey, guys! Just some quick warnings before you start reading this one:1. This is long af (sorry);2. There is a vivid description of a panic attack in it, so please be safe. It's more detailed than the one from the beginning of the story and it's explicitly addressed as a panic attack (the one in the earlier chapters was only speculated as such);3. There is a long section that consists only of flashbacks by the end of this chapter (just warning because I know that's not everyone's cup of tea). While most of the segment is a repetition of things that happened in previous chapters, the three final flashbacks bring a different POV to the story, so you might be interested in not skipping those;4. I know this took forever and I know most of you haven't been updated on what's going on because of my twitter freakout, so I'm sorry. There's a deeper explanation about all this in the end notes;5. This is not what some of you may have had in mind or expected for this chapter, but I hope you still enjoy it!Happy reading!
            
            (See the end of the chapter for  more notes.)
            
      
  

  
  
    
    When Katsuki woke up, he didn’t remember what had happened to him.There was some sort of bandage enveloping his head and a constant, dull throbbing making it hard for him to focus on his surroundings, and when he finally dared to blink his eyes open, the bright light sent a stab of pain across his skull. He hissed loudly, squeezing his lids shut and grinding his teeth. God, he hated concussions.He didn’t remember how he had gotten himself concussed, though, which was why he attempted to open his eyes again. Knowing what to expect this time, the pain wasn’t so unbearable. He blinked his crimson eyes several times until they finally regained focus, and found himself staring up at the unmistakable ceiling of a hospital.Déjà vu hit him like a ton of bricks, but he didn’t really know why.The first thing he noticed was that he was alone in the room. Which was… weird. Not that he needed anyone to keep him company, but he would really like it if someone was there to explain what had gotten him into this mess this time. He tried to tilt his head to the side and get a better look at his surroundings, only then noticing that: 1. His head was aching a lot more now that he moved it; 2. There was a nasal cannula strapped to his face; and 3. He was thirsty as f@ck.He groaned, squeezing his eyes shut again and trying to find his voice. His throat was really, really dry. Other than that, and the fact that his head felt like mashed potato, he seemed to be fine.He waited for a few moments, trying to listen for anyone coming in. The room was very quiet – in a way that was almost eerie. Katsuki was pretty sure he should be hearing the beeping of a heart monitor, the whirring of a machine, the clock ticking. Something. Anything.His heart sped up at the intrusive thought that appeared in his brain. That… That his hearing…His eyes darted across the room again, finding the door. Next to it was a gl@ss wall with pulled-up blinders. The wall was probably see-through to allow the nurses to see if he was in trouble or doing something he shouldn’t, and the blinders were probably a counter measure to offer him some privacy if needed. From what Katsuki could see, this seemed to be a fancy hospital – at least the structure and the lighting gave him that impression.He kept staring at the door and at the wall, hoping that the few scarce people who walked past the room would arrive and confirm that he hadn’t lost his hearing for good, or at least tell him what had put him into that bed. But the longer he waited, the less people walked by – and none of them paid him any mind.He sighed. He was awake, now, right? He could just… Go ask someone. Or, better: he could go fetch himself a gl@ss of water. That would help clear his sluggish brain, right? Sure, his head was throbbing and his throat was dry, but he could manage getting to his feet and grabbing something to drink. No big deal. He shouldn’t lie around and wait for someone to rescue him like an idiot, after all.Without really thinking about it, he tried to grab the thin hospital sheets covering him and toss them aside to free his legs, only to find that he… couldn’t…?Katsuki tried to swallow, even if his mouth was as dry as the Sahara Desert, and tilted his head to look down at his body. His neck and the back of his skull protested vehemently at the movement – in fact, so viciously that he saw black spots for a moment. When his vision cleared and he blinked his eyes, he finally noticed that his arms were covered in two perfectly white casts, all the way from his elbows to his bandaged fingers.What the f@ck…?Flashes of Kaminari’s face, half-covered in blood and looking desperate, staring down at him and yelling something he couldn’t hear appeared in his increasingly frantic mind. Deku’s face flashed in his memory, too. He had also been bleeding, and crying.Sh@t. Sh@t.The museum. The villains. The… The bomb…Had the building exploded and collapsed? Was anyone other than him hurt? The answer to that was yes, right? Because he could remember Kaminari’s and Deku’s bleeding faces now, he could remember that Jirou had been bleeding too, and an explosion like that was sure to have sent more people to the hospital.Sh@t. Everything had happened so fast, back then, he didn’t even have the time to spare a thought to the people standing right outside the building. And now they were probably hurt too.And also, there – there was Hatsume, and Jirou, and Sero, and Mina – had he gotten them out? Were they safe? Had Sero managed to grab them all and save them before they plummeted to their deaths? Why was he f@ck@ng alone in this sh@tty room with no one to tell him what had happened to his friends?Katsuki decided he needed answers, and he needed them right away. How could he just lie there compliantly when he didn’t know if Deku was alive? If his friends were alive? If someone else was hurt? How could he relax and wait for someone to walk by and see him awake by luck, when he couldn’t even remember what had happened to him? No, he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t just wait. Plus, his throat was so dry he was sure the skin would break and bleed if he even thought of attempting to scream for a nurse.He kicked the blankets away until he freed his legs, which seemed to be miraculously unbroken – unlike his arms and hands. In an impulse, he sat up and threw his feet off the hospital bed with one swift movement, meaning to get the answers to his d@mn questions. He stood up, determined.And then he immediately collapsed to the floor.It was all pretty confusing, really. How his knees buckled so easily beneath his weight, how his entire body felt like melting jelly as soon as he put his weight to his feet. How the floor seemed to rise to meet his face, rather than him falling off to meet the floor. How a hot, searing pain erupted in his torso as soon as his body collapsed, how his vision went black all the way as soon as his skull thudded sharply with the cold ground, since he couldn’t use his arms to break his fall.He just laid there for a while, inert, trying to breathe through the sudden pain and struggling really hard against the sudden will to vomit. He wasn’t sure if he even had anything in his stomach to be brought up, or if he had the strength to try and retch. All his determination to get water and get answers seeped off him like dispersing steam, and then he was just an injured boy fallen on a hospital floor.“For god’s sake”, an uncharacteristically exasperated voice exclaimed suddenly for somewhere above him. Despite the angry tone directed at him, Katsuki’s body immediately relaxed at the sound – it was muffled, like he was hearing it through many layers of cloth, but that meant that he could still hear from one of his ears.The world spun in a whirlpool of colors, blue and white dancing together and twisting and spinning in a dizzying way, which didn’t do wonders for his growing nausea. He couldn’t really comprehend what was happening or why everything was so confusing and the pain was so intense –When he opened his dizzy eyes, he found the ceiling again. It took a few moments for it to stop spinning. Once it became still, he blinked.Huh?Had it… Had it all been a dream?What was happening to him? His eyes darted around the room nervously, trying to come up with answers. He couldn’t tell for sure whether or not he had been dreaming, which was quite frankly making him nervous. But then his eyes found a very tired-looking Aizawa standing beside him, by his bed, arms crossed above his chest and reprehension on his face.“I leave you alone for five minutes and you immediately find your way to trouble again?”, he scolded with a disapproving look, but there was something else to it. Something Katsuki couldn’t really put his finger on. Before he could say anything, Aizawa placed the nasal cannula back on his face, and only then did Katsuki realize it must have been ripped off when he fell.He only became aware of how hard it was becoming to breathe when the oxygen was forced back into him. He sighed, too tired and pained to pretend he wasn’t relieved by what the cannula was offering him. A small voice at the back of his head was screaming for him not to let his guard so down, but there was something preventing him from caring or worrying about what Aizawa would think – something smothering his inhibitions and allowing him to just… relax.He opened his mouth to speak, but his lips were so dry they felt like they were about to crack. Apparently noticing this – and noticing there was no sounding coming off Katsuki’s parted lips –, Aizawa merely sighed and looked at something over his shoulder.“Wait. I’ll fetch you some ice chips”.Then he was gone.Katsuki wanted to scoff in disdain. He didn’t want f@ck@ng ice chips. He could drink proper water like a normal person, thanks very much. Plus, he was so g@dd@mn thirsty that he was sure ice chips would have no effect. He wanted real water. Water he could chug on. Water he could down in one go and relieve his aching throat…Aizawa returned with a plastic cup in hands, giving Katsuki a very serious look as he picked one of the chips with a bright pink plastic catcher. Katsuki realized that he had been on the verge of drifting off, and blinked his eyes back into alertness before he succumbed back to sleep. Huh, weird.“I need to know you are listening to me and can understand what I’m saying”, Aizawa said, stern.Katsuki frowned, but nodded briefly after a few moments. His head ached.“Good”, Aizawa nodded back. “You underwent a very complicated 12-hour-long surgery. I can tell from the look on your face that you’re about to complain about me feeding you these ice chips, but my advice is: don’t bother. You can’t drink proper water just yet because of the surgery and I bet your throat feels like sandpaper. Both your arms are in a cast, so you can’t eat this by yourself. If I were you, I would just take this without complaint, unless you’re in the mood for staying in this hospital for longer than you need to”.Katsuki stared at him, feeling a hot blush rise to his cheeks. It took him longer than he should have to understand everything, but once he did, he felt like scowling and complaining, and probably telling something very disrespectful to his sensei.But deep down, he knew the man was right. From the searing, throbbing pain burning his torso, Katsuki didn’t find it that hard to believe that yeah, a surgery definitely happened there. He wished he could remember why it had happened, though… But in the end, his teacher was right – it wouldn’t be safe to chug on a gallon of water (like he wanted to) that soon after operating.He really f@ck@ng hated hospitals. If allowing his teacher to feed him ice chips, no matter how humiliating that was, would mean he’d get to leave that place faster, he would do it. He figured he could set his pride aside for a little while. Also, he was pretty f@ck@ng thirsty, and it wasn’t like he could do it on his own anyway…(Something told him he should feel angry about that, but he just… Didn’t. Which was really weird, considering how worried and determined he had been just a few moments before.)Katsuki looked away in slight embarr@ssment but nodded briefly, glaring at the wall.“Good”, was Aizawa’s only response before placing one of the ice chips against Katsuki’s lips.Katsuki opened his mouth compliantly, feeling like a stupid child. He tried not to think about how pathetic he ended up feeling anyway, despite his relaxation, before sucking greedily on the chip.His negative feelings of shame and embarr@ssment were almost completely eradicated in the face of the sheer relief that overwhelmed him as soon as the ice melted and ran down his dry, sore throat. Almost.Katsuki closed his eyes and sighed, relishing on the feeling. It even became easier to breathe, now that his entire mouth didn’t feel like a wasteland. Aizawa fed him another ice chip, and another, and another, and another, until Katsuki felt a bit more like a human being again. Once he was satisfied, he allowed himself to meet his teacher’s eyes, still embarr@ssed but a bit more grateful.“Done?”, Aizawa asked simply, reading the look on his face as if it was an open book. Katsuki felt a bit exposed by his teacher’s ease at figuring out what he was thinking, but it was also… comforting, somehow? At least he didn’t have to do much talking, because he was feeling pretty worn out.He nodded, and Aizawa silently disappeared with the plastic cup. He was back almost immediately.Instead of saying anything or even scolding him for trying to escape his bed, Aizawa simply grabbed his sheets, tucked him in again, and reached forwards to pressed a b@tton above Katsuki’s bed. Upon Katsuki’s confused frown, he explained, in the same monotone as ever:“You tore your IV when you fell. I’m calling the nurse to fix it”.Huh. Katsuki hadn’t even felt that. He supposed everything else felt dull in comparison to the fire in his torso and the throbbing in his head. The pain was starting to feel a bit better, now that he was back to bed, but it was still… unsettling. Especially because Katsuki couldn’t remember what had caused it.He couldn’t remember much after throwing his friends out of the building, really. He knew Deku’s and Kaminari’s bloodied faces had been there somewhere, at some point… Had that been during his rescue? And were they ok? Were his friends? Was Hatsume? Where were they?Oh, yes. Right. That was why he had gotten up in the first place.He mentally cursed himself for forgetting, because that was important… But he was also feeling so lightheaded, and sluggish, and… drifty… He had been feeling that way ever since he woke up. Maybe they had drugged him? If he went through surgery, that meant he must have needed painkillers and sedation and that sort of stuff… Maybe that was what was making his brain melt. Katsuki decided he hated it. Now that he thought about it, he felt like an idiot. A slurring, stuttering, blabbering idiot.He didn’t need those brain-melting drugs, he needed answers. He needed to know what had happened to him, to his friends, and to his ears. That was all that mattered. And he needed to focus. He turned to Aizawa again, who was patiently waiting by his bedside, and the teacher looked about to tell him something –“Oh, I see our patient is awake!”, a foreign voice said cheerfully from the door, immediately sending a wave of annoyance across Katsuki’s entire being. He didn’t even know this person, but the happy-go-lucky tone in her annoying squeaky voice was enough to make him cringe.He glared, out of instinct, as a nurse closed the blinders of the gl@ss wall and approached the bed. The last thing Aizawa told him, in a hushed tone, before stepping away to give the nurse space, was a quick and almost-threatening “Behave”.The nurse turned the room’s lights on, and if Katsuki had thought it had been bright when he first woke up, that was nothing compared to now. He had to screw his eyes shut at the immense clarity and slowly reopen them until they grew accustomed to the brightness, which only made his hatred for the cheery nurse become more intense. She couldn’t have f@ck@ng warned him that she was about to put a spotlight on his face?Katsuki glared up at the nurse, who was checking his chart and the machines surrounding the bed. She kept humming to herself while she did that, which definitely didn’t do much to increase Katsuki’s sympathy for her. Once she was satisfied with what she had read, she offered Katsuki a clearly exaggerated smile.“So, how are we feeling today?”, she asked sweetly, sounding genuinely interested in his answer. She approached him and pulled a tiny flashlight off her coat’s pocket. This time, Katsuki had a few seconds to brace himself before she turned it on and shone the light into his eyes, checking his pupils.He didn’t dignify her with a response. Instead, he merely turned his head away once she was done checking his eyes and glared at the wall, willing the woman to just do what she had to do and get the hell lost so that he could talk to his teacher alone.“Not so talkative, huh, hun?”, she said with sympathy, putting the flashlight away. “At least your concussion seems to be better. Soon enough you’ll be good as new!”Katsuki just scoffed in response. For some reason, this woman’s antics were driving him up the walls, and it seemed that being driven up the walls was making him think more clearly.Sensing his reluctance to interact, Aizawa stepped back into the scene with an almost disappointed sigh.“He woke up just a few minutes ago. I went out for a moment to use the bathroom and when I came back, he was on the floor. He tore his IV in the process. I already gave him some ice chips”.The nurse stared at the floor at Aizawa’s words, noticing the fallen IV and the bloodied needle. She bent down and picked it up.“I see”, the nurse nodded at the teacher, approaching Katsuki on the bed. She checked the thin trail of blood on his arm, where IV needle used to be, before checking the needle itself with a frown. She examined his arm to see if any damage was done and then wiped the blood away with a cotton.“Hm, this will bruise and may be a little sore for a while, but it’s not a big deal”, she commented as she grabbed fresh equipment to stick him with a new, clean IV drip. “But my, my, dear, what you did was very dangerous. You were lucky the needle came off your arm when you fell; if it had broken inside you, it could have entered your bloodstream and killed you in a matter of minutes”, she commented pensively, with a sort of medical curiosity in her tone. She tapped his arm to get the vein for the IV and then stuck the needle into it without warning.Katsuki stopped glaring at the wall to glare at her instead. He hated – absolutely hated – being babied like that, especially by people who he didn’t know and who sounded as condescending and fake as this woman. How could she possibly be this cheerful and easy-going if her job was to aid dying people all day long? And why the hell did she keep doing stuff without warning him about it first?Aizawa looked slightly uncomfortable by the nurse’s comment on his possible death, which was delivered with such ease, but for those who didn’t know him all that well, he seemed as stoic as ever. He must have noticed Katsuki’s growing, boiling anger, however, because soon enough he cleared his throat, arms still crossed above his chest, and took another step closer to the bed.“Is it already time for another dose of his… medication?”, he asked.Katsuki stared at him, feeling a bit suspicious by the way his teacher had said “medication”. Also, while he kind of hated that Aizawa was speaking and making decisions on his behalf, he was also a bit grateful for that. He wasn’t in the mood for interacting with the d@mn annoying nurse and, if he had to be honest, he was in pain. And it was growing. Maybe medication wouldn’t go amiss, but he wasn’t about to admit that. Perhaps he owed his teacher a thanks for picking up on that and trying to fix it himself.“Oh, let me check that”, she got back to her feet, disappearing somewhere in the room.He locked eyes with Aizawa, trying to read his teacher’s face and to figure out why he had said “medication” like that, but before his slow brain could get too far the nurse returned.“All right, I can give him another dose already. That was probably why the poor thing woke up in the first place”, the nurse commented with pity in her tone.Katsuki glared daggers at her, rage burning deep into his chest. He wasn’t a poor thing, and he didn’t need this woman’s pity. She didn’t even know him. The room seemed to sharpen around him.“Yeah, except I wasn’t in pain when I woke up”, he spat, his tone snappy and rude.Also, to his horror, he realized he sounded like sh@t. Pure sh@t. As if someone had yanked his vocal cords out, thrown them in a blender, and shoved them back into his throat. What the hell.The nurse seemed a bit taken aback by his not-so-kind first words to her, or maybe she was just surprised by how terrible he sounded. Aizawa, on the other hand, simply sighed.“Bakugou”, he said, his voice too tired to be properly reprehensive. “Let her do her job”.“Uh, yes, all right”, the nurse nodded, a bit quieter, now. “I’ll just need to examine him first, to make sure he didn’t aggravate his injuries”, she added in a professional tone.She had probably sensed that Katsuki wasn’t the kind of person to try and put on a smile for her just because she was playing nice, and decided it would be better to get down to business already rather than to try and urge a conversation out of him.Good.Katsuki didn’t look at her while she worked, too humiliated and angry for that. The alien relaxation  and easiness he had felt a few moments before was eradicated from his system now.The nurse had to lift a bit of his hospital gown, enough to reveal the injury site but nothing else that could be too… compromising, but he still blushed in embarr@ssment. He was glad that Aizawa had at least turned his back and stepped away before she started, staring out the window instead.“Does that hurt, dear?”, she asked gently while prodding and poking at his at his side and at his ribs. He gritted his teeth and refused to respond, but couldn’t suppress a pained groan when she pressed the sore area in his abdomen.He refused to look at her face, knowing that he would only find sympathy and pity there and that, if he saw it, he would only be even more p@ss@d. She hummed pensively at his non-verbal response, and stepped away.“Well”, she said, lowering his gown again and grabbing his chart. She tucked him into his sheets and pressed a button Katsuki couldn’t see from where he was lying down.She was addressing Aizawa, rather than Katsuki, seemingly giving up on interacting with him. Sensing this, his teacher turned away from the window, looking at her.“He seems to be fine”, the nurse smiled encouragingly. “Or, at least as fine as he could be, given what happened. Falling down didn’t disrupt his injuries, thankfully, but it was about time for his next dose of meds, so I just hit him up. He’ll start feeling drowsy in a while. His doctor will be here after lunch time to make a follow up and check on him, but there’s not much we can do for now other than keep an eye on him and let him rest. Oh, you need to keep him from getting out of bed again. If you need to leave, let me know so I can call someone –““I’ll be staying, thank you”, Aizawa cut her off with a deadpan, arms crossed above his chest. The nurse stared at him – probably wondering if Katsuki’s manners and his teacher’s were related.“Oh. Right. I see”, the nurse blinked, a bit awkward. “But… If you absolutely need to leave, let the staff know so they can send someone in. Buzz me again if you need anything, all right?”“All right”, he nodded. Then, he bowed slightly: “Thank you”.The nurse offered him a small smile.“No problem”, she said, bowing in return before walking away.The door to the room clicked softly, indicating the nurse’s departure.Aizawa walked around the bed so that he would be standing in Katsuki’s direct field of vision, arms still crossed above his chest and a serious look lingering on his face.He simply stared at Katsuki for a few moments, looking like he was trying to read him – analyzing him. After a few seconds of awkward silence, he walked to the corner of the hospital room, grabbed himself an uncomfortable-looking plastic chair, dragged it towards the bed, and sat down beside Katsuki.Fine. If he wanted to ask about stuff, this was the time. Before whatever drugs the nurse had given him started making him sleepy again.“Why’re you stayin’?”, Katsuki asked his teacher, flinching at the sound of his own voice. Not only was it cracking and croaking, but his speech was also slurred, as if he was drunk. He had to admit – those were some fast f@ck@ng meds.Aizawa didn’t look impressed by this.“We don’t know if the villains behind the attack are part of a bigger group. While the investigation is in progress, you must be watched during all times”, he provided objectively. “We don’t want any of them coming after you for revenge or to finish the job”, he added.Katsuki frowned, but nodded. That made sense. There could have been more villains in the group, and it would make sense if they were driven to seek revenge against the guy who ruined their plans. But one thing was still bothering him about the explanation.“But why’re you stayin’?”, he mustered, still hating his voice. The frown on his face deepened.Aizawa sighed, sagging back against the chair’s rest.“Given how often you seem to get yourself into potentially deadly situations, I decided I’d feel better if I watched you myself”, he provided. “Just in case”.Katsuki stared at him.“I’m also sure you’ll know to behave towards the staff while I’m around”, he added with only the hint of a warning in his tone. “You did give them a lot of trouble when you first arrived”.That stirred Katsuki’s curiosity towards what the f@ck had happened to him after the explosion, but he had more pressing worries at hands. He needed to go one step at the time, no matter how eager he was to catch up with everything.“Where’s Deku?”, he croaked, grimacing as he tried to find a more comfortable position on the bed and failed. “An’ Jirou, ‘n’ Sero, Mina, H’tsume?”Aizawa studied his face.“They’re all fine”, he said, sounding as if he didn’t want to go into too many details just yet. “There’s no reason to worry about them”.Katsuki kept staring at him, waiting for the man to go on. Aizawa looked like he had secretly rolled his eyes by blinking for a bit too long.“How much do you remember?”, he asked, monotone. Katsuki searched his brain again.“Up ‘til throwin’ them out”, he slurred. “Blew up th’wall and shov’d them ‘way”.Aizawa nodded.“That was a very quick thinking of you. I must admit I was impressed, when we all had the time to sit down and figure out what had actually happened”.Katsuki felt warmth spreading in his chest, but was too disoriented to understand why.“I’m @ssuming you didn’t make it out in time because of Hatsume’s arrival?”, his teacher continued, raising an eyebrow.Katsuki nodded.“Had t’ go all th’ way back and grab’er. I knew we wouldn’ make it out in time t’gether. So I threw h’r first”.Aizawa didn’t nod this time, just stared at him. Analyzing him again. Silently.Katsuki felt uncomfortable, and his brain felt like it was about to shut down as soon as he blinked.“She’s ok”, his teacher provided after a few tense moments, his face and tone of voice imp@ssive, revealing none of what he was thinking. “She’s obviously very shaken up about everything that happened, and she dislodged her shoulder when you threw her out. It caused no permanent damage, though. She has already been cleared out of the hospital. She wanted to see you, but while investigations are still in course… We thought it better if you didn’t receive any visitors. For security reasons. You weren’t conscious enough to speak to her, anyway”.That made Katsuki frown again, and something he hadn’t even thought about so far clicked in his mind.“H’w long ‘ve I been out?”, he asked, heart rate speeding up. He felt nervous, out of a sudden. Nervous and worried. His senses became sharper.“Bakugou”, Aizawa told him cautiously, a secret warning in his voice. He propped himself up on the chair, alert. “You need to calm down and relax”.Katsuki swallowed dry. Had his brain not been so slow and sluggish, struggling to catch up with everything that he was becoming aware of, he would have realized that Aizawa had heard his heart monitor going crazy, even if Katsuki couldn’t. But Katsuki’s frantic brain decided that his teacher sensing his nervousness was shady, because he shouldn’t be able to read him so well.“Wh’re’s Deku?”, he asked, finally realizing that Aizawa had not mentioned the boy at all after Katsuki’s question. He tried to move positions on the bed again, failing painfully and grimacing.“He’s fine. Like I said, everyone is fine, no one but you got gravely injured”, his teacher provided. “So stop moving around”.Katsuki let out a shaky, humorless laugh at this because yeah, was he supposed to feel relieved? When he had been the only loser who got f@ck@d up in this mess? The only weakling who needed the hospital? The only idiot who didn’t make it out in time? For f@ck’s sake.“H’w long?”, he asked, breathing shakily. He ignored how his torso burned and how his words sounded dragged and blended together. “H’w long… ‘s it been?”“Five days”, Aizawa said sharply, still looking stern but a bit more urgent. “Now calm. Down”.And Katsuki tried, he really did, because he didn’t want to be f@ck@ng sedated and kept out for another five days, but it was hard. Because whatever happened to him after that explosion must have been bad enough to knock him out for almost a f@ck@ng week. And Aizawa said everyone was fine, so was Katsuki f@ck@ng insane? Because he was d@mn sure he had seen Deku’s bloodied face, and Kaminari’s, and both options were bad – either the two boys were actually hurt and Aizawa had lied to him, or they were totally ok and Katsuki had lost his f@ck@ng mind.“Wha’ else?”, he urged, breathless, swallowing dry. The nasal cannula glued to his face was probably the only thing sending air into his lungs right now. “Wha’ happ’ned after th’explos’n?”“You’re clearly in no state to talk about this right now”, Aizawa reprimanded, and he sounded – angry? Worried? Afraid? “We’ll discuss this when you’re better. You shouldn’t be under so much strain”.“No”, Katsuki protested, hating how weak and raspy it came off. “I… I rem’mber Deku. Th’re was blood… And K’minari…”Aizawa sighed heavily, serious.“They’re ok. It wasn’t their blood, Bakugou”, he said simply – decisively.Katsuki stared at him, eyes becoming gl@ssier by the second. It seemed the drugs the nurse put into his IV were finally starting to have an effect, because his thoughts were becoming louder and more confusing, as opposed to his eyelids, which kept threatening to droop closed.But he couldn’t fall asleep. Not yet.“Wha’ happ’ned?”, he asked again, angry (even if it was weak). “Why w’s I out f’r three days?”“Five”, Aizawa corrected, and Katsuki mentally kicked himself for the mistake.His teacher sighed again, resigned – probably coming to terms with the fact that Katsuki wasn’t giving up and falling asleep like he should be.“You didn’t make it out of the building before it exploded. You bashed your head pretty badly and the structure came down while you were still inside. You got… trapped beneath the rubble”, he clarified, and if Katsuki didn’t know him better, he would say he looked almost uncomfortable.Aizawa glanced away for a moment before continuing.“Other than breaking your arms and having what was described to me by your doctor as ‘possibly the worst concussion she’s ever seen’”, he added in a monotone, “you were also impaled and had several broken ribs, along with a punctured lung. Recovery Girl came over to help during your surgery, which was long yet successful, but she used up all your stamina on healing the most threatening injuries, which were the ones in your abdomen and head. The surgery took care of your lung just fine, but you need to take it easy for a while. Once you’re doing better and feeling stronger, she’ll come over again to finish healing your arms, which will probably make a full recovery, and that is why you need to calm down, take slow breaths, and stop using up all your energy on freaking out”.Katsuki swallowed dry, realizing he was verging on hyperventilating – which explained the sudden pain on his chest and torso, evident even beneath the painkillers in his system. He tried to follow his teacher’s instructions and calm his breathing down, but it was hard after hearing that he had been so f@ck@ng close to dying because of an impalement injury – and that something as idiotic as a broken needle from an IV had the same chance of ending his life, just like that.But Aizawa was right. He needed to calm down and save his energies, so that Recovery Girl could finish healing him and that he could leave that d@mn hospital. So he closed his eyes and tried to regulate his breathing, taking slow, deep breaths until the rhythm was back to normal.Once his heart rate went back to a regular pace, his adrenaline rush came to an abrupt end and as a result he crashed, feeling lightheaded and doped. It was becoming harder and harder to stay awake, the painkillers added to his stress making him feel dizzy, sleepy, groggy, sluggish…“Bakugou”, Aizawa called, his voice sounding echo-y and far away – even more so than it had been so far, which reminded Katsuki of his hearing again. “Are you still with me?”Katsuki swallowed. He should have had more ice chips. He was starting to regret it, now.“Ev’ryone’s f’ine?”, he asked, slurred. His eyes were rolling as he tried to keep them open, blinking several times in a row, with little success. The room was unfocused and starting to dim, becoming black and white. “No on’s hurt?”“No”, Aizawa provided. And then, a bit more softly: “You can go to sleep, now. There’s nothing to worry about. I’m personally making sure of that”.Katsuki wanted to complain, and to ask more, to know more, but he was too tired. So tired. Instead, for once, he obeyed.      Next time he woke up, he was a bit more coherent. At least coherent enough to realize that he was in a private room, the window to his right showed him it was night time, and Aizawa sensei looked like he hadn’t slept in five days.Yeah. He was still there, and he was awake.Katsuki was also coherent enough to properly process the pain he was feeling. It was all over – probably an indicator that it was time for another dose of painkillers –, but more concentrated on his upper torso and his arms. It was a miracle he hadn’t broken his legs, too, thinking about it, but he would take what he could get.“Have you even slept?”, Katsuki asked, his voice less slurry but more raspy. It still sounded weak, though.Aizawa raised his tired eyes from the book that was supported on his lap, giving Katsuki yet another one of his analytical looks. The bags beneath the red-rimmed eyes were even more evident than usual.“How are you feeling?”, the teacher asked instead of replying, stoic.“Sore, but fine”, Katsuki lied. “You don’ have to watch me all the time”.“Until the investigation is over, I do”, Aizawa responded objectively. “It’s either me or a police officer, and I think we both know what option is less likely to result in catastrophe”.“Katsuki clicked his tongue, looking away.“In case you’re thinking about a bratty comeback, allow me to remind you of what happened last time I left you here alone for five minutes”, the man added, making Katsuki face him with a glare.“I wasn’t thinking straight”, he defended himself.“Hm”, Aizawa hummed simply.“An’ I had just woken up alone in h’re”.“Uh huh”.“I wanted to know what was goin’ on”.“And the best way to do that was to try and get up by yourself, rather than try and press the buzzer right above your head?”Katsuki narrowed his eyes.“Didn’t know about the buzzer”, he protested. “Also, I don’ need help”.Aizawa stared at him. Ok, correction – Aizawa glared at him.Katsuki’s words seemed to have finally pushed the clearly sleep-deprived man to his limit.“Bakugou”, he said, in a tone that made it very clear a scolding was in process. “Do me a favor and don’t put on this act. I nearly lost most of my students along with hundreds of civilians in an easily preventable terrorist attack that turned out almost deadly and definitely very expensive when it comes to civic construction. I’ve spent the past six days alternating between working the case with the police, preventing a school crisis, and watching over you so that you don’t get murdered in your sleep by any remaining villains. As a matter of fact, I do have more important priorities on my plate than sleeping, so don’t test my patience by pulling this now”.Katsuki stared at him, a bit taken aback. Surely, Aizawa had been nothing if stern to him in the past, but he had never heard the man sound so… unhinged?Instead of offering a bratty comeback, as he had been called out for, Katsuki simply stared up at the ceiling in silence, neither glaring nor scowling. Aizawa went back to reading his book in equal silence, and that was it for a little while.“You should get some sleep”, Katsuki eventually broke the silence, voice still raspy. He didn’t look at his teacher, and his teacher didn’t look at him. “No use stayin’ here to fight a villain if you’re sleep depriv’d”.Aizawa merely sighed, flipping a page of his book.“I have been sleeping. When I can. Also, All Might and I have been taking turns watching over you”, he supplied.Katsuki snorted.“What’s he gon’ do? Spit blood on the villains?”, he commented sarcastically, but the joke tasted bitter on his tongue as soon as the words were out of his mouth. Yeah, it’s your fault he can’t be a hero anymore, you f@ck@ng jerk. Go ahead and mock him for that, you piece of sh@t.Aizawa simply gave him a look before averting his attention back to his reading.“There are also police officers standing guard by the door at all times, so rest @ssured you’re very protected”, he responded to Katsuki’s mockery, and then he fell silent again.Katsuki decided his teacher wasn’t in the mood for much conversation – and he couldn’t say he was, either. Not that he ever was, as a matter of fact. And there was no point in staying awake staring at the ceiling when he could rest and regain his energy sooner, right? The sooner he got his strength back, the sooner he could go back home and put all this sh@tshow behind him.Since he had been assured that Deku and Kaminari and his other friends were ok, he could think about them later, when he wasn’t caught up with stocking up the necessary stamina for Recovery Girl to fix his arms. He willingly decided to ignore his teacher’s comment about being murdered in his sleep, because he really didn’t have the energy to deal with that on that moment.He closed his eyes, deciding to go back to sleep. Surprisingly, not thinking about the imminent threat he was under was easier than not thinking about Deku and his other friends. Because he had to be real – after everything they had gone through, during the past year and the museum day, it was only fair he wanted to see Deku standing there safe and sound with that dumb, cute face of his. Just to ease his mind. Just to calm his heart. And he really didn’t want to admit that aloud, but he would if he had to, lest the nerd misunderstand him yet again.Katsuki couldn’t help but to think what had become of Deku – the last of him he remembered seeing was back at the auditorium, when Icy Hot dragged his paralyzed form away. He couldn’t say this was a pleasant memory.Not to mention Aizawa had said the building collapsed after the explosion. Deku couldn’t have been too far away from the location when everything came down. Did he get hurt? If Katsuki was being watched for any possible villain attacks, was Deku too? And his other friends? And the other people in the museum? Was there even a police force large enough to protect so many people?“Is Deku…”, he ended up breaking the silence again, throat dry.Aizawa looked at him, waiting for him to continue.“Is he being… watched, too?”A pause.“Yes. Midoriya, Jirou, and Kaminari are all currently under protection as well, until we capture the villains who got away and determine whether there is a larger group behind the attack”, Aizawa informed.Katsuki swallowed dry.“And… is he…”, he hesitated.Aizawa waited patiently.Katsuki’s jaw locked.“… Ok?”A pause.“We already talked about this”.“I know”, Katsuki replied with a bit of annoyance, offended. “But I’m stuck here, and he had a head injury last I saw him”.Aizawa studied his face for a brief moment.“He’s ok”, he supplied finally. “He had to stay in the hospital for a while, like Hatsume and Jirou, but has already been cleared out. Like the others, he and his mother are being secured until investigations come to an end”.For some reason, that made relief course through Katsuki. But then, he frowned.“Jirou…?”Aizawa sighed.“Her ears. Her jacks took a lot of damage, since she outstretched them beyond their limit in order to disarm the bomb. Think of it as distending a muscle”.Katsuki grimaced in sympathy.“But is she –““She’s fine, now”, Aizawa cut him off before he could start. “No permanent damage and a complete recovery. Like I’ve told you repeatedly – everyone is ok and you don’t have to worry. Focus on yourself”.Katsuki snorted out a humorless laugh.“People usually tell me the opposite of that”, he scowled. “But ok”.Aizawa gave him a weird look, but didn’t respond. Instead, he went back to his book.So ok. Deku was safe, Kaminari was safe, Jirou was safe… Katsuki would surely feel better if he could see them in person and attest that for himself, but he knew Aizawa sensei could be many things, except a sugar coater. If he said his friends were fine, then Katsuki would believe him.He was ready to put some use into the relief he felt to know that his friends were ok despite the huge 11 story building that fell right at their faces, when a sudden thought appeared in his mind.“Wha’ about my parents?”, he reopened his eyes, frowning at his teacher. His parents were surely worried about him, especially since they weren’t allowed to see him.Aizawa lifted his eyes from his book again.“They are fine”, he provided, a bit more patiently – probably because that was a reasonable concern (and Katsuki hadn’t made that question before). “They are also under protection, as well as the others’ families. A bit desperate that they don’t get to be here with you. You mother did threaten several members of the staff until she was taken away”.Katsuki couldn’t help but smirk at this.“Sounds like the old hag all right”.Silence again.Ok. So his parents were fine, too, along with his friends, which was reassuring. Inko and whoever else parented Jirou and Kaminari were also ok. All Katsuki had to worry about were his d@mn arms and his own d@mn recovery – Aizawa sensei was watching his back about the villains. But recovering which wouldn’t be achievable if he didn’t rest enough. He decided to put an actual effort into sleeping this time, now that he knew everything was fine. And that included not thinking about Deku.The pain in his torso was starting to make him feel uncomfortable, but that was expectable, since he had been literally impaled, right? And Aizawa had also mentioned broken ribs and a punctured lung before. Overall, Katsuki was pretty f@ck@d up, so being in pain wasn’t exactly a surprise. He just needed to suck it up and he’d be better in no time.
  Hey, Kacchan. You got that? Deku is in danger.
Katsuki frowned, eyes closed.
  Why’m’I st’ck?

  Nee’ m’arms. An’ m-my… h-h-han…ds… M’han’s’re… s-smash’d. M’hands’re smash’d.
Katsuki swallowed dry again, the sudden memory making him feel cold all over. He couldn’t remember when it had happened – the timeline was all messy inside his head, and he was using what his teacher had told him as basis.“Are my hands gon’ be ok?”, Katsuki asked after a few minutes, raspy voice breaking the silence of the room again. He didn’t open his eyes this time, but he could feel Aizawa’s eyes glued on him.“Yes”, he replied after a beat. “You don’t have to worry about your hands or your arms. Recovery Girl said you’ll retain full mobility after you heal”.A bit more relief washed over Katsuki, but not enough to drown the pain, which was becoming more intense by the second.“Wha’ about my ears?”, Katsuki swallowed, gritting his teeth to keep a whimper from escaping his throat. “I – I can hear you, bu’ – it’s – pretty muffled –“, he grimaced.A pause.“We won’t be able to assess the extent of the damage to your hearing until you’re well enough to take a hearing test”, Aizawa explained. “But we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it”.Ok, not so comforting. He knew his quirk was loud and potentially damaging to his hearing – he had always known that. But he hadn’t expected to lose such a large percentage of his hearing at such an early age, and with such a small time window between the incidents. To be fair, he had shoved the warning he had received about the risks at the farthest back of his mind, because he wouldn’t “tone down his explosions”, as the doctor had suggested, just to preserve his hearing. It wasn’t his hearing that would make him the greatest hero. It was his d@mn quirk.He kind of wished he had listened to the doctor now, or at least done something about his warning. Not being able to hear properly was – well, it was –He… Didn’t know how to feel about it. He had freaked out when he first found out, after the incident in the sewers, but after that, he sort of… fixed it. And moved on. He had gotten his aid from Hatsume, and then the next version, and then the next, until the thing was good enough to not cause him pain or give him feedbacks. And that was it.But thinking back to it… Deku had used that against him during their sparring, all those months ago. And back in the museum, there were several moments in which he didn’t hear danger approaching – whereas Deku did. He was clearly bested.Maybe he just needed to come to terms with the fact that his hearing wasn’t the same anymore, and that no matter how talented Hatsume was, not even she could revert that.But to think that he could have lost even more of his hearing… Yeah. Yeah, that was troubling, to say the least. And he was pretty sure he would have a full-on freak-out session about it, had it not been for the intense pain that was burning in his torso.Soon enough, that was all he could focus on – not Deku, not his parents, not his arms and hands, not even his hearing, but the spreading pain on his stomach that allowed the echoes of his scr@ps of memory and his confusing, mixed-up thoughts to become even louder in his head.Katsuki gritted his teeth even harder in an attempt to stop himself from crying out. There was sweat forming on his brow, he could feel it. In fact, even the pounding in his head was back with a vengeance, now. All he could do was lie there, try to breathe, and do his best to try and fall asleep. The annoying nurse would come soon. She would hook him up with the meds and he would be fine. He just needed to wait a little longer.It was only when his already strained breathing started to hitch in his throat that he heard Aizawa sighing, the loud creaking of his plastic chair accompanying him when he stood up.Katsuki only opened his eyes when he felt a hand squeezing his shoulder.Aizawa was staring down at him with a tired, serious look, one comforting hand on his shoulder.“Trouble kid”, he reprimanded, but his voice was uncharacteristically comprehensive. He shook his head slightly. “When will you learn?”Katsuki frowned at him, jaw strained and brow sweating. He felt really nauseous because of the pain – so much so that he feared that, if opened his mouth to speak, he would end up spewing bile all over his teacher. Instead, he stayed silent, teeth grinding together.“You’re one of the bravest students I’ve ever had, Bakugou”, Aizawa continued. His words were nice, so why did he sound like he was giving him a scolding? “Actually, you’re braver than some pros I know. You don’t have to try so hard”.Katsuki’s frown deepened, but he found that he couldn’t say anything. All he did was lie there and tremble softly beneath Aizawa’s hold, the pain he was feeling increasing even further as he struggled to breathe past it.“What I’m saying is”, he continued, sounding tired. “I’m your teacher. I’m here to help you and mold you into the competent pro I know you can become. I’m the last person in the world you should have to put an act to. More than anyone, I need to know what your limits are so I can know how far to push you”.Before Katsuki’s addled brain could make sense of what he was being told, a blurry form appeared behind Aizawa. His eyes widened slightly, since his glassy eyes couldn’t really focus on the person, and his pained body’s reaction was to assume it was a villain, ready to attack them.He gasped, flinching on the bed and trying to make a move. His limbs had become lead, however, and even if Katsuki could lift them, his hands and arms were enveloped by bandages and casts. The only thing the sudden movement of his body did was send a new wave of pain across his whole body, and he finally groaned.Noticing his unease, Aizawa turned his head to see what had caused such a reaction in Katsuki.“Did you call for me?”, a soft voice offered, and Katsuki stared in confusion. That sounded too nice for a villain.“Yes”, he heard Aizawa provide. “He’s in a lot of pain. I think his last dose ran out”.“Oh, poor thing”, the nurse – for who else could it be other than the annoying nurse? – said, and almost instantly something cold flowed into his arm. “I was about to come here to check on him. That should fix it. Did his doctor say something about that idea of shifting into new medication?”“She said we should keep checking his progress”.“All right. Call me again if anything changes, ok?”“I will. Thank you”.Katsuki swallowed dry again.“Th’ doct’r came here?”, he asked, groggy. He couldn’t tell if the nurse was still there or not – last time, he could hear the door because he had been waiting for it to close, but now, his thoughts were way too loud and his pain was way too strong for him to focus.“Yes. Yesterday”, Aizawa provided.Katsuki frowned.“I slep’ the whole day?”“It’s morning, now. We decided it would be better not to wake you, when your doctor came by. You’re still recovering and she didn’t have any news. You’ve been asleep for a little over 12 hours, but that’s expectable and completely normal after the surgery and the trauma your body has endured”.Katsuki’s heart skipped a beat out of fear and confusion.“It’s not morn’n”.“What was that?”“It’s not morn’n. It’s dark”.A pause.“Your eyes are closed”.Katsuki paused before blinking his eyes open again, embarrassed and kind of angry at the slip. Aizawa was a blurry form above him.“B’t the window”, Katsuki insisted. “I saw it. ‘T was night”.“Look again”, Aizawa said simply, taking a step to the side.Katsuki squinted at the window to his right, noticing how clear and blue things seemed to be outside. Definitely not nighttime. But then, he could clearly remember seeing the window and seeing it was dark outside just a moment ago… Or had it been really just a moment? Had he fallen asleep in that meantime? If so, at what point of his conversation with Aizawa?How many times had he fallen asleep without even realizing?It was maddening, being stuck in this bed with no way to properly track time or what was happening. The worst part was how weak he felt. He depended on others to do everything, and he was clearly completely out of it.Completely helpless.He felt like he was losing his f@ck@ng mind.Was this how Deku felt back when he woke up from the coma?“What’s wrong?”, Aizawa placed another hand on his shoulder and squeezed, sensing his distress.Katsuki was so out of it that he didn’t even think of pretending he was fine.“I feel like ‘m losin’ it”, he grimaced. The drugs the nurse gave him were starting to make an effect – especially to his inhibition –, but he was still in quite a lot of pain. “Didn’ know I fell ‘sleep. Don’ even know wha’ day it is”.“This is day six after your admission”, Aizawa provided promptly. “You first woke up yesterday morning, and then very quickly in the middle of the night. It’s 10 a.m. right now. Soon All Might will arrive to watch over you during the day, and then I’ll be back during the nighttime, which is usually when I do my rounds with you. You don’t have to worry about losing track of time; it’s normal that this should happen. Your body has gone through a lot –““B’t it’s been six days”, Katsuki protested, out of breath. “I should’n’ be this out of it”.Aizawa sighed, a somber look flashing across his face for a split moment.“Give yourself time to heal, kiddo”, he said, stoic. “You’re not doing yourself any favors by trying to jump back to your feet. You have to learn how crawl if you want to learn how to run”.“B’t I shoul’ be better”, Katsuki insisted, sensing there was something wrong. “Rec’very Girl healed me. I should’n’ be like… this…”Aizawa sighed heavily again.“You’re underestimating the damage you took”, he said, serious. “Recovery Girl healed enough to make sure you would survive the surgery. You still have a long path in front of you until you’re back to 100%”.Katsuki stared at him, confused.“So just focus on resting and healing for now, and don’t stress over anything else”, he concluded, letting go of his shoulder. He sat back on his chair right beside Katsuki and grabbed his book again, without opening it. “Is the pain better?”Katsuki thought for a moment, blinking sluggishly as he became groggier. Eventually, he nodded, eyelids struggling to stay open.“Good”, Aizawa nodded back. “Then stop fighting sleep and rest. We can talk more when you’re feeling better”.Katsuki wanted to protest, but his brain seemed to have created a will of his own. His eyes closed in spite of himself, and he would have immediately drifted off, had it not been for Aizawa’s voice calling his name from the dark.“And Bakugou”.It took Katsuki a few seconds to blink his eyes open again, finding his teacher’s blurry, impassive face.“Stop playing tough. I know you think you need to keep a reputation, but we nearly lost you back there. If you’re in pain, just say it. No one here wants to watch you suffer because you’re too proud to ask for help. Plus, the school is paying for your stay, so you’d better make some use of those painkillers they have here”.Katsuki was too weak and sleepy to reply, and fell asleep before he even could. But at least he was relieved that his parents wouldn’t have to spend any money because of his weakness, even with the insurance, and especially because of the tough financial situation they had put themselves in.      When he woke up next, Aizawa was gone.In his place was All Might.
  Great.
“Bakugou shonen”, All Might greeted him, sitting up straighter and leaning forwards on his seat. He sounded somewhat relieved to see Katsuki awake and definitely looked like he had been watching him sleep during this whole time, which he wouldn’t doubt the man did.
  Creep.
“All Might”, he croaked, grimacing as he tried to move and the pain stopped him.“Are you in pain?”, All Might asked, attentive as always. “Do you need me to call the nurse?”“No”, Katsuki said.“Aizawa told me –““It’s just movin’ that hurts”, Katsuki blurted out, interrupting the man.An awkward pause.“I’ll be fine”, Katsuki resumed, a bit embarrassed by all that explicit attention. “I don’t need m’re right now. It’s just, I tried to move, and I can’t jus’ yet”, he admitted. He didn’t meet All Might’s eyes or even look at his general direction as he spoke.Silence. He could feel All Might’s eyes glued to him like a hawk’s, which was annoying as f@ck, but he still couldn’t bring himself to make eye contact.
  Hate All Might Hate All Might Hate All Might Hate All Might Hate All Might. He didn’t get there in time to stop you from losing your hearing. He didn’t tell you or Inko that Deku was dying. He didn’t tell you that Deku didn’t remember his time as a ghost. He chose Deku over you. He forced you to take Deku’s quirk and make him miserable. He didn’t explain your side to Deku and let him keep hating you. He ended his hero career over you. Hate All Might Hate All Might Hate All Might Hate All Might –
Yeah. There was also that.“Do you need help sitting up –““No”, Katsuki snapped, feeling unnaturally irritated by All Might’s presence and insistence to help.Well, that and… All Might’s concern for him.The fact that he cared. After everything. After the only reason Katsuki defeated those d@mn villains was because he… He hated him.He sighed.“All right”, All Might said simply, resigned and not even sounding offended. Katsuki closed his eyes and swallowed dry.He could really use some f@ck@ng ice chips.“How are you feeling, shonen?”, All Might asked, sounding genuinely interested in his answer, and oh my f@ck@ng god would he stop doing that.“Sore”, Katsuki said sincerely, but a bit abruptly. “An’ like I was ’mpaled”.That earned him a sympathetic smile.“Well, that is accurate”, All Might said. “Your body has gone through a lot these past few days”.“I know. Aiz’wa sensei said I was close to kickin’ the bucket”, he replied, finally bothering to look at All Might from the corner of his eyes, just to catch his reaction.The man seemed taken aback for a moment, mouth opening and closing in surprise before he settled on a grim look.“Yes, that is right”, he nodded solemnly. “It wasn’t easy, for any of us. Kaminari shonen has been particularly struggling to deal with what happened”.And yeah, that definitely wasn’t the answer he had been expecting. What the f@ck did Kaminari have to do with any of this?“What?”, he asked, confused and, if he had to be honest, alarmed.All Might stared at him, equally confused, until realization dawned on his face.“Oh”, he said softly. “I see”.For some reason, that only p@ss@d Katsuki off more.“See what?”, he asked, annoyed.All Might sighed, standing up from the chair.“I’ll go fetch you some ice chips”, he announced simply.“All Might –“, Katsuki grunted, because what a piece of evasive sh@t, but the man was gone from his view before he could finish.He couldn’t follow All Might with his gaze without moving and hurting himself, so he huffed, allowing his head to fall back on the pillows and his eyes to slip closed. He not-so-secretly hated the fact that he couldn’t do something as simple as seeing what someone else was doing in his own d@mn hospital room.He also hated the fact that it was hard going back to a point where he didn’t hate All Might, since hating him had demanded so much effort and had saved the day. He hadn’t even considered that this would be a big deal up until now that he was actually forced to face the man. He realized, with delay, that he should have prepared himself mentally for this inevitable encounter sooner.(In his defense, he had been extremely disoriented and pained every time he woke up so far, so a heart-to-heart with All Might hadn’t really been his top priority on the ‘things I should immediately worry about’ list.)When he reopened his eyes and found the man standing in front of him with a cup of ice chips in one hand, Katsuki felt something acid burning in his chest.All Might just stood there, looking a bit lost. Katsuki sighed and glared up at him.“What?”, he asked upon All Might’s hesitance, a bit too aggressive.“I – Well”, the man said, seeming embarrassed. “Should I feed them to you?”Katsuki glared down at his casted, immobile arms, and then back up at All Might, tilting his head to the side.“Do I look like I can take them myself?”, he asked, narrowing his eyes. Was All Might mocking him or something?All Might shifted his weight from one leg to another.“I didn’t know if you would be ok with that”, he admitted, and f@ck@ng fine.He wasn’t mocking him. And maybe Katsuki didn’t hate him altogether, since he was apparently the only person left who still gave a d@mn about his honor.“It’s not like I have another choice here”, Katsuki said, a little less venom in his tone – but some of it still there. He looked away in embarrassment. “Aizawa sensei had to do it, too”, he admitted, less angry.All Might nodded, fishing one ice chip out of the cup with the little plastic catcher. He hesitated for a moment before offering it to Katsuki, who promptly took it in his mouth and chomped down on it with a loud crack.All Might seemed startled at this, blinking a few times.“I think you’re supposed to let them melt, shonen”.“I just want to get this over with already so you can stop giving me that look and tell me what’s up with Kaminari”, Katsuki told him straightforwardly, taking another ice chip and chomping down on it again. This time, he didn’t break eye contact with All Might, glaring straight at him while he chewed.All Might sighed, his shoulders slumping.“I’m sorry about the look”, he said with sincerity.Katsuki wished he hadn’t just apologized, because for some petty reason he wanted to keep using whatever reasons he could get to hate the guy.  All this respect All Might was showing for him – valuing his will to choose, not overstepping his boundaries, asking about stuff before doing them – was making it hard to keep the hatred up. Why couldn’t he just be an @ssh@l@ like everyone else and cut Katsuki some slack for once? He had almost died. That had to earn him some ‘I’m allowed to be angry’ points, right?“I don’t really know how you expect me to act around you”, All Might concluded, pensive, and ok, what.Katsuki blinked, focusing back on the conversation.“What are you talking about?”, he frowned. All Might offered him another ice chip instead of replying.Katsuki eyed him with suspicion for a moment before taking it hesitantly. He was still pretty f@ck@ng thirsty after all. But he didn’t chomp on it this time. Instead, he merely cracked it in half between his teeth and allowed the two pieces to melt in his mouth.All Might looked away, tired.“I know you value your pride greatly, shonen”, he shrugged. “And I know it must be hard for you to be in this situation, where you depend on others to recover”.Katsuki narrowed his eyes.(Really, f@ck All Might for being the only person so far who had displayed such a concern. Katsuki really didn’t know how to feel about it, and he hated it.)“But what you did was incredibly brave and heroic, and you saved a lot of lives. So you should know none of us think any less of you for needing help right now, and in fact it is an honor to us to be able to help you after the good you did”, he added, sincere. Looking into his sunken eyes, Katsuki found only honesty. “I speak from personal experience. In moments like this, when you’re hurt but feel like you need to keep on smiling and wearing a strong façade, so that the world doesn’t see that you, too, can bleed… Those are the moments when you can’t turn down the help from those who care about you. You need to let your pain be seen by those you can trust, so that you can keep being strong for those who need to trust you”.Katsuki’s face scrunched up in an ugly expression and he realized, with an accompanying sense of shame and mortification, that the blurriness in his vision had been caused by tears. Five minutes of interaction with All Might had caused him to feel more emotions that all his previous conversations with Aizawa sensei. Maybe it was because Aizawa wasn’t an overly comprehensive d@ckh@@d who made effortless supportive speeches that unknowingly hit root aspects of his personality, all while he was stuck to a f@ck@ng hospital bed, Jesus f@ck@ng Christ.Ok, he definitely couldn’t do this right now. Not without ending up crying like a g@dd@mn baby in front of All Might, of all people, which he definitely didn’t want – no matter how touching his little speech had been. So he sucked it up, blinked his tears back into his d@mn eyeballs and glared up at All Might, deciding to deflect the subject before those painkillers made him lose his remaining honor.“Why did you say Kaminari is struggling?”, he asked, not bothering to respond to All Might’s reassuring words.The man’s shoulders sagged again as he fed another ice chip to Katsuki, who didn’t break eye contact this time.“I wrongly assumed Aizawa had told you about what happened, since he told you about how we nearly… Lost you. Now, I’m not so sure if this is a subject that we should discuss for the time being”.“Oh, I think it is”, Katsuki told him seriously. “I wanna know wha’ happened”.All Might met his eyes, hesitating for a second.“What has he told you, exactly?”“Tha’ the building collaps’d on me and tha’ I was impaled. And tha’ Recovery Girl healed what she could to keep m’ from dying during the surgery”.All Might studied his face, a grimace painting his lips.“Nothing else?”, he asked, careful.Katsuki scoffed.“What else is there?”, he questioned.All Might sighed again.“Do you want any more ice chips?”, he asked, deflective.“No. Just the truth”, Katsuki said, staring at him with intensity.All Might nodded, lowering his head pensively before walking away to discard the rest of the ice chips. When he returned, he went all the way around Katsuki’s hospital bed to sit back on the plastic visitor chair.Katsuki stared at him. All Might stared at the floor for a while before meeting his eyes.“When we got to you”, he started, somber. “You were in a really bad shape. In fact, you went through cardiac arrest while we were moving you out of the rubble. It was Kaminari shonen who managed to bring you back, using his quirk”.
  Flashes of Kaminari’s face, half-covered in blood and looking desperate, staring down at him and yelling something he couldn’t hear –
“The experience was, obviously, very…”, All Might continued. “Intense. And traumatizing. Most of all, he is really concerned about you”.Katsuki took a deep breath. Yeah, he knew how Kaminari must be feeling. This was a horrible thing to witness and to remember, as Katsuki could tell first hand. It wasn’t something someone could walk away from easily, especially when it happened to someone close.To a friend.“Can’t he come here and see I’m fine or something?”, Katsuki asked, already knowing the answer.“Not until the investigation is concluded”, All Might provided, and Katsuki rolled his eyes, having guessed correctly. “But we are very close to an end, so you should be able to receive visitors soon”.Katsuki scoffed.“Yeah. Looking forward to that”, he grumbled. Deep down, he really was looking forward to that, but he wasn’t about to let All Might know about that, or about whose visit he was eager for.All Might gave him a tiny smile accompanied of yet another sight.“I imagine it will be a bit tiring to you. But believe me, shonen. There are a lot of people who are looking forward to seeing you awake. We were all worried about you”.Katsuki stared at All Might, trying to read his face.All Might stared back at him, doing the same.A few moments of awkward silence. Time to finally address the elephant in the room.“And how’s Deku faring up?”The hint of a tiny smile appeared on All Might’s lip, but Katsuki chose to ignore it. If he picked up a fight with All Might right now, it would be injury-ailed person 1 versus injury-ailed person 2.“I mean, last I rem’mber he was f@ck@d up b’cause a villain knocked him in the head, and Icy Hot was draggin’ him away b’cause he was still paralyzed by that stupid quirk. Did he fin’lly find some common sense and let th’ doctors tend to him or did he insist he was ok even though his brains were bash’d in?”All Might stared at him, lips slightly parted as if he was in shock.Katsuki frowned at the reaction.“What?”, he demanded, confused.“N-Nothing, shonen”, All Might said, and ok, that was clearly a lie.Katsuki narrowed his eyes.“Tell me”, he demanded. All Might offered him a fake smile.“It’s nothing. Midoriya shonen is doing much better. Recovery Girl was too focused on your surgery to help anyone else, but his… head injury was superficial. He has been discharged already, but he is, of course, worried sick about you”, he deflected, probably thinking Katsuki wouldn’t notice. “While the investigation is still in progress, UA suspended class 1-A’s lessons. The students are staying home with their families, Midoriya shonen included. They will all be provided with the necessary mental health follow up should they request it, since it was a very unexpected, traumatic event”.Katsuki scoffed, disdainful.All Might gave him a curious look.“You disagree?”, he asked, curious.Katsuki rolled his eyes, feeling a bit more sober.“We’re attacked by villains every other week”, he said, blunt. “Hell, I was literally kidnapped by the League of Villains, who wanted to brainwash me into becoming one of them, and the school didn’t offer me or anyone else involved sh@t”.All Might nodded, serious.“I know”, he said. “That is why we are doing it now”.Katsuki stared at him, not sure how to react.All Might sighed, leaning forwards on his seat again.“It’s only through our mistakes that we can learn”, he said, serious. “And, I must admit, it took us a lot of mistakes to finally get it right”.“Get what right?”, Katsuki frowned.“That being a hero doesn’t mean being unbreakable”, he responded simply, leaning back against the chair’s rest. “Though I do think my dramatic retirement was what it finally took to make them realize that”.Katsuki gave him an amused huff of breath, face impassive.“But after that, and after your own incident in the sewer, some of the teachers finally got into the council’s head that we are dealing with students, not war machines like some would think”, All Might continued. “And that mental health was an important factor when raising a healthy, successful hero”.Katsuki continued to stare at him, quiet.All Might lowered his head.“Our job, it is…”, he took a deep breath. “It’s a tough job. We lose people, and we deal daily with death, and pain, and suffering… We can’t always save everyone that we wish we could save”, he shook his head. Katsuki had a feeling All Might was talking about something very personal, but he couldn’t really tell what. The man kept his eyes downcast. “Sometimes, it can become too much. And if we’re not careful, the guilt will swallow us up. The paranoia. The fear. The worry. Those are all very important for our self-preservation, but only when they are in our control. And I believe you would agree with me that therapy is a nice way to get it under control, wouldn’t you?”
  Yeah. Especially if I need to trick myself into channeling my pent-up anger issues to hate you so I can defeat a bunch of D-listers who want to eradicate you from history.
Katsuki found himself unable to keep looking at All Might. The man continued anyway.“But it was about time we provided this sort of service for the students, and not just the ones in the hero course. Everyone agreed so. I do believe our society spent too long believing that if a hero in training couldn’t handle the trauma, then they weren’t fit to be a pro hero. But my opinion is the opposite”, he shrugged.Katsuki looked at him from the corners of his eyes.“Sometimes, we think that we’re dealing well with the trauma. We bury it deep within our hearts, we ignore it, we don’t think about it. And we think it’s handled. Because we’re strong, we can just hide it and move on. But then, something comes back, because it always comes back, and the trauma resurfaces. And it can happen in a way that makes us do something we’ll regret immensely. Something that could even destroy us”.Katsuki narrowed his eyes, tilting his head to properly look at All Might.“I have a feeling you’re just talking about yourself”, he commented.All Might chuckled, amused.“Yes. Yes, I am”, he nodded, looking at Katsuki. “But I’m also talking about you. And Midoriya shonen. And Kaminari shonen. And all of your colleagues who went through something terrible. None of you should deal with that on your own, especially in your age”, he admitted. “So yes, we have agreed that everyone who wants it will have access to therapy. It wasn’t the easiest of discussions, but it’s settled now. And, in a way, it’s all thanks to you”.Katsuki scoffed.“Why, because I was the first loser who needed it?”All Might stared at him.“Because you were the first to show them that not only it worked, but it also improved your potential”.Katsuki looked away, feeling angry. He couldn’t really tell why, but he did.He didn’t need the d@mn therapy to be a great hero. All he ever needed was his quirk, and his own f@ck@ng ability. His will, and his greatness, and his hard work. That was what would take him to the top of the charts. Not a sh@tty heart-to-heart with Doctor Matsuo.And yet… Katsuki couldn’t help but to wonder if he would have been able to turn the villain’s game around had he not been in control of his emotions. Because sure, before therapy and before the sewers and before ghost Deku, his emotions had been: 1. All over the place, and 2. Anger: that’s it.Now, he had more of his emotions all over the place and he still felt pretty much angry, but he was better at managing it. He still had his freak outs every now and then, but he was also better at acknowledging what had caused them and how to fix them. So no, he didn’t think he would have been able to defeat the d@mn villains if he hadn’t been in such a precise control of his own emotions, but he wasn’t about to tell All Might that, especially because of how he had defeated the villains.Instead, he went back to staring at the ceiling, a serious, grumpy look on his face. All Might seemed to have sensed his discomfort, because he was soon leaning forwards on his seat again to take a better look at Katsuki.“Are you… in pain?”, he asked, concerned and probably assuming that was the reason behind Katsuki’s discomfort.Katsuki glared at him. All Might didn’t falter.“I’ve had a nasty injury on my side for years now, shonen”, All Might added simply. “If you’re in pain, you can say it”.Katsuki sniffed, hating that he was right. But he wasn’t in pain – not too much, at least. He could still feel the meds running through him and dulling the most of it. In fact, he was still tired enough to go right back to sleep if he wanted. He wasn’t slurring, which was good, but he was secretly exhausted.“It’s manageable”, he said, not meeting All Might’s eyes.A pause.“I see”, All Might hummed comprehensively.“It is”, Katsuki scoffed.From the way his thoughts were starting to disperse, Katsuki knew he didn’t have too long before he succumbed to unconsciousness again, and when he woke up f@ck knew how long later, it probably wouldn’t be All Might by his side. If anything, this was the first time in two days he had managed to see the guy.And no matter how angry he still felt at the man, no matter how irritated and annoyed he was by his presence, Katsuki knew he didn’t really hate All Might. Not for real. Not in any way that counted. So there was still something he needed to set right, which probably explained why he had been so snappy and aggravated when he woke up to see the man by his bedside.He didn’t want to do it like this, not while he was still weak and medicated on a d@mn hospital bed. Like he had realized before, he wanted to have the chance to prepare better for such a conversation.But if he avoided the subject right now, he would probably never find a window to approach it ever again. He could always use the medication part on his favor and justify the sappiness that was about to ensue, but he wasn’t a coward. If he was going to do this, then he was going to own it. Just like he was owning all the pathetic stuff he had been doing ever since he woke up.Katsuki turned his head to face All Might.“Did they tell you how I did it?”All Might tilted his head.“Hm?”“How I defeated the villains. Turned their plan around”.All Might blinked, comprehension dawning on his face.“No”, he shook his head. “No one really knew how precisely you did that. But we have a vague idea”, he shrugged.There was nothing but comprehension in his face and in his voice, and f@ck if Katsuki didn’t loathe it.He wished All Might was angry. He wished All Might would resent him for resenting him, hate him for hating him. He wished All Might would look at him with something other than sympathy and care and understanding.F@ck.“I hated you”, Katsuki admitted, swallowing, staring up at the ceiling like a coward. “They grabbed all those people who loved you so much and converted their love into hatred. So instead of loving you like I did all my life, I decided to hate you. I decided to hate you so much that it would be enough to smother all those people’s love, and that was what destroyed their plan. They never saw it coming”.He couldn’t see All Might’s reaction, since he was purposefully avoiding to look at him. The silence stretched on for a little while.“And what did you hate me for?”, All Might asked, and for f@ck’s sake, why did he sound so comprehensive right after Katsuki told him that he hated him to his face?! Like this was a g@dd@mn thought exercise or something?!He scoffed, shaking his aching head and never looking at All Might.“Tch. Everything. For choosing Deku instead of me. For giving him your quirk and dragging him into this path. For hiding stuff from his mom. For hiding stuff from me, even after he woke up. For…”, he hesitated.And then he sighed heavily, closing his eyes.“For not standing up for me when he was angry”.All Might was very quiet.“But what I wanted to say”, Katsuki swallowed again, reopening his eyes and continuing to stare at the ceiling. “Is that I understand why you did all those things. Even if I don’t agree with all of them. And…” he bit the inside of his cheek. “I just needed to stop them. So I used what I had. They wanted to make the entire world hate you”.A pause.“I know”.Katsuki frowned, and finally turned his head to look at him.All Might was gazing at him patiently.“That is why I told you your potential was improved by therapy”, All Might revealed. “Your experience with it helped you do what none of the heroes in training there could. And the mastery you displayed over your own emotions in such a situation of crisis only shows that you really will be remarkable one day”.Katsuki stared at him for a few more moments, a look of incredulity in his face, before he scoffed in amusement.“So you knew how I did it”, he said in an accusatory tone.“I figured, from everyone’s testimony on what had happened, that this would have been the only way”, All Might shrugged simply. “No one there bore the same capacity for passionate rage as you did”.Katsuki scoffed again, this time in disdain and a bit of hurt. You’re more than just your anger, Doctor Matsuo’s voice resonated in his head, but while it made him feel a bit better, it didn’t solve his current problem.“And you’re no’… p’ssed at me?”, he asked, his speech starting to drag as his exhaustion became harder and harder.All Might booming, trademark laughter resonated in the room, startling him from his sleepiness for a moment.“Bakugou shonen!”, he exclaimed, amused. “Why on earth would I be mad at you after you saved hundreds of lives and stopped the entire world from being brainwashed into despising me?”, he asked, genuinely interested.Katsuki squinted in confusion, relaxing against the pillows. It took him a moment to reply.“I only p’lled it off bec’se I was angry at you”, he explained, slurring. His vision was starting to become a bit blurry, his eyes struggling to remain open.All Might chuckled again, shaking his head slightly as he leaned forwards on his seat.“And you were rightfully so, my boy. I wronged you, and Mrs. Midoriya, and so many others, so many times. I can only hope you will make a full recovery so I can make up to you for all that”, he told him sincerely, tapping Katsuki’s shoulder in a comforting manner.Katsuki merely stared up at All Might in confusion. His brain was too sluggish to really comprehend what was happening right now. So, apparently All Might didn’t hate his guts forever or even as much as despised him for what he had done. And apparently, he would have to deal with all that later, when he wasn’t taking a trip down painkiller land.“Well, j’st wanned to say I don’ actually hate you”, he slurred finally, eyes drooping closed. He was out in less than a minute, his breathing evening out and becoming less strained once he fell asleep.“I know, my boy”, All Might petted his bandaged head gently. “I know”.      He opened his eyes, finding the room immersed in a blue darkness.The only source of light came from a dim lamp somewhere to his left, and after his eyes adjusted to the dark, he spotted Aizawa sitting on the chair by his bedside, arms crossed above his chest and head bowed down as he napped. Apart from his stiff arms, he was sat slack on his seat. The uncomfortable position he was in would probably result in a backache when he woke up.Tch. Like hell he was keeping watch sleeping like that.Katsuki tried to guess what time it was, but it was impossible to tell. The window directly behind his teacher was dark, so he assumed it was far into the night, since Aizawa said he took the night rounds.Katsuki was about to close his eyes again and go back to sleep, since he needed all the rest he could get, when a noise caught his attention.He snapped his head to the side, in spite of the pain, his crimson eyes searching for the source of the sound in the darkness. All he saw was the door, closed, and the empty hallway outside through the glass wall. The faintest light was entering the room through it, but not enough for Katsuki to see if there was someone else in there.There didn’t seem to be anyone outside, which was odd, since he had been told there would always be police standing guard there. But then, he had never actually seen the police guards, not even back when he was more sober and swimming in daylight.Maybe he had just imagined things. Maybe the noise he had heard had just been one of the very real police guards grabbing something to eat, or swapping rounds. Either way, he shouldn’t worry. He was as safe as he could be, in a hospital with Aizawa sensei watching his back.He turned his head back so that he could try to catch some more sleep, and then he spotted it.There was someone standing by his bed.Katsuki jolted into a sitting position, the sudden movement disrupting his healing impalement injury. The sharp pain it caused him and the sudden shock made him suck in a loud gasp, which resulted in Aizawa’s eyes snapping open almost immediately.Despite the violent pain he was feeling from having moved so abruptly, Katsuki leaned back on the bed, raising his (aching) casted arms towards the man standing beside his teacher in the dark. But before he could even think about igniting an explosion (he couldn’t even begin to imagine the kind of pain that would cause) or before Aizawa could immobilize the invader, the man…Smiled?And, with ice spreading through his veins and a very painful drop of his stomach, Katsuki recognized him. He could finally see the burn marks on his face and all the way down his neck and arms, the missing hair from half of his head, the arrogant, holier-than-thou air that tinged the evil smirk on his lips.It was the villain from the museum. The one who inverted people’s emotions.The one who turned his hatred for All Might into love. The one who set the f@ck@ng bombs.“You should have minded your own business”, he said simply, almost cheerfully.And before Katsuki could begin to comprehend how the hell that son of a b@tch had survived the explosion, Aizawa was walking past the villain as if he was nothing and jumping at Katsuki, hands wrapping around his neck and squeezing.Katsuki flailed his arms and legs madly despite the sharp pain in his abdomen. It did nothing to stop Aizawa’s tight grip around his throat. The sound of his heart monitor going off like crazy was an accurate picture of his growing panic. His teacher was f@ck@ng strangling him, after all.He tried to make his hands pop in an attempt to at least free himself, but it was for nothing – no explosion was ignited from his palms. And he had a lot on his mind at that moment to even think about the possibility that his quirk might have been impaired somehow, but a twinge of fear about that still made his heart beat even faster.“S-Sen… sei…”, he tried to croak out, his casted arms slapping at his teacher’s chest since he couldn’t use his quirk. But his voice was just a dull whisper of pain and breathlessness. His lungs were burning and begging for air, but no matter how hard he tried to inhale, nothing made it into them.F@ck, that was one hell of a sadistic way of killing him. Making him feel safe and protected by Aizawa’s presence, and then having him, who was one of the few people that he still trusted, murder him in cold blood. In his sleep, like the teacher had been trying to prevent.Katsuki’s eyes were wide as saucers as he opened and closed his mouth, never ceasing his attempts to break free. But no matter how much he kicked and wriggled around, Aizawa’s hands around his neck were relentless, squeezing tightly and mercilessly.Then, his binding cloths wrapped Katsuki’s arms and legs to keep him from struggling. So he could choke him and kill him faster.The worst part was that he looked normal. There wasn’t an ounce of rage in his face, an ounce of indifference. Nothing that indicated he was being mind-controlled, nothing that indicated his feelings were all over the place. Only a meticulous spark of determination, as if he just really wanted to get this done with so he could go on about his life.As if Katsuki would let him.Despite the binding cloths holding his limbs in place, he kept struggling. And he ignored the villain’s mocking laughter coming from beside him – well, he couldn’t really hear it anyway, not with the ringing in his ears. His vision was becoming blurry and black spots were dancing in front of his eyes, but he could still see Aizawa’s face – impassive, focused, and determined.“S… S-Sen… s…”, he tried again, weaker this time. His arms were starting to feel heavy and numb. So were his legs. He could barely even feel the hurtful wound on his side anymore. But he had to keep fighting. He had to keep trying to push him away.He couldn’t give up. He still needed to give Deku his quirk back – almost dying in that rubble had been close enough of a call. He still had his whole career in front of him. He still had his whole life to live.“Stop struggling, Bakugou”, Aizawa told him in his usual monotone, making it sound like he was scolding his student for being too loud during a lecture. He definitely didn’t sound like he was strangling an injured teen to death – or like he was having trouble doing it, for that matter. “I’m doing everyone a favor”, he added pensively.Katsuki had it in himself to frown at this, never ceasing to try and flail around, despite the cloths binding him and the fact that he barely had any strength in him to keep moving.“It seems you chose a proper hero name for yourself, explosion boy”, the villain teased him, crouching beside him on the bed while Aizawa continued to strangle him. “After all… King Explosion Murder describes what you did back in that museum pretty well”.No, Katsuki wanted to say. I didn’t plant that bomb. Aizawa sensei told me no one else was hurt. He said I was the only one gravely injured. This guy is lying. Of course he is lying, he’s a filthy villain who’s angry I ruined his sh@tty plan and now he’s making my f@ck@ng teacher kill me in a f@ck@ng hospital bed. God, this is so humiliating.His struggles were becoming weaker and weaker and weaker by the second. His heart was beating so fast he was sure the heart monitor must have broken by now – not that he could hear it anymore. Everything was eerily silent. He wondered if that was why no nurse or doctor had come to check on him yet… Or had the villain murdered them? Where were the police guards? Where was everyone?He was alone. He was doomed, and all alone. He couldn’t trust anyone anymore – not even his own body.He could feel consciousness escaping him, and he couldn’t die like this. That was a pathetic way to die. He couldn’t even defend himself, for god’s sake. He couldn’t die like this, but he couldn’t fight back, and he couldn’t free himself, and he couldn’t feel his arms, or his face, and the pressure inside his head made it feel like his skull was about to blow up like a balloon, and he couldn’t breathe, everything was spinning and blurring and his vision was starting to fade for good…      Katsuki woke up under tremendous pain.He blinked his eyes open, wide as saucers. When he tried to swallow past the agony, he felt bile threatening to rise up his throat. He squeezed his eyes shut in his effort to keep it down, but it hurt – the pain was so intense it was making him dizzy. He tried to grab the bedsheets for comfort, but a bolt of pain shot up his arms – and then he remembered they were enveloped in casts.He gasped, trying to focus on anything that wasn’t the intense fire burning him from inside out. Trying to catch his breath. Trying to understand what was happening.“Bakugou”, there was a familiar voice calling him, but he flinched at the sound and at the hand that accompanied it.“S-Stay away”, he barked out, breathless, his voice coming out weak and raspy. He raised his casted arms in defense, ready to use his quirk and attack, but then he remembered that his quirk hadn’t worked when he tried to use it. His eyes widened further.“You were having a nightmare”, Aizawa explained to him, not touching him per his warning but staying nearby, hands hovering above his student as if he was trying to calm a feral animal. “You need to calm down and breathe properly, or you’ll disrupt your injury”, he explained patiently, taking a step closer and touching Katsuki’s shoulder, attempting to push him down in to a lying position.“I said stay the f@ck away!”, Katsuki screamed, but it was so, so off – nothing like his usual booming shouts or cranky orders. His voice had cracked. It sounded desperate, and fearful, and he hated that he had emitted such a sound in the first place. He sounded, more than ever, like the teenager he was.He tried to crawl away from his teacher, eyes wide and panicked, heart monitor screaming desperately above him – but much more muffled than it had been in his dream.The door burst open, and following it a painful flash of white light hit Katsuki’s eyes, and suddenly there were people entering the place – unknown people, alien people, people who could very well be villains trying to murder him or his teacher or make his teacher murder him or murder him and then his teacher. Whoever these people were, Katsuki didn’t feel safe with them. He didn’t feel safe with anyone.“Stay back!”, Aizawa commanded, outstretching a hand towards the person before they could approach the bed.“Sir, the patient –“, they tried to argue, continuing to walk into the room.“I know, but he was in a traumatic event recently and you’re startling him. Let me calm him down, first”, he explained in a rush, but the authority never left his tone.“Sir –““Stay back”, Aizawa basically growled, his body shielding Katsuki’s heavy-breathing form.The person’s eyes darted from the panicking Katsuki to his teacher standing protectively in front of him.“He’s bleeding”, they pointed out meekly, but stayed where they were. Aizawa snapped his head to look at Katsuki, who was half-sitting, half-lying on the bed, panting widely as if he had just run a marathon, and looking like he was about to pass out.His torso was a gruesome sight of blood, from his chest down to his thighs, the once blue hospital gown glued sickly to his skin. His face, now enlightened by the bright lamp in the ceiling, was ashen, and sweat was visible on his forehead. With each breath he took, his defensive posture sagged more, to the point he was basically heaving in his attempt to suck in loud breaths.Aizawa was immediately by his side, and even if the boy tried to push him away with his casted hands, he was too weak to do so. The teacher crossed the remaining distance between them before Katsuki could collapse off the bed and supported his increasingly sinking weight, and Katsuki could do nothing but allow himself to be supported as he struggled to breathe.Katsuki’s eyes were drooping as the nurse – because it must have been a nurse, right? – finally approached him, Aizawa taking his head between his hands. Katsuki tried to shrug away again, but couldn’t, and then his teacher finally realized how absolutely hot the boy’s skin felt. He was burning up with fever.He snapped his head towards the nurse, who had been followed in by other two. She was trying to inspect Katsuki’s injury amidst all the blood.“He’s –““Burning up, we know”, she said shortly, frowning in concentration.Katsuki shivered in Aizawa’s hold, still trying to pull away but unable to do so. Aizawa focused his attention on his student again, respecting his request that he’d stay away by settling him back into bed in a manner that he wouldn’t risk falling off. He let go, but Katsuki remained tense.“Wh’r’s… v’llain…”, Katsuki tried to say, but his voice was wet and breathless. Aizawa frowned.“There’s no villain”, he explained patiently. “You were having a fever dream”.Katsuki simply breathed wetly, shivering again, glassy eyes looking around the room without focusing on anything in particular.“Di’ he mean it?”, he choked out. Aizawa frowned.“Mean what?”Katsuki gasped and grimaced, eyes squeezed shut in pain. He threw his head back as the nurse continued to examine his injury.“Di’ – Did I kill s’meone?”, Katsuki choked out, face scrunched up. Aizawa blinked in shock at him.“Bakugou, you didn’t kill anyone”, he reassured him, worried at his student’s unusual uncertainty.Katsuki stared at his teacher’s face without quite seeing him, seeming uncharacteristically lost.“Wha’ about my quirk?”, he swallowed, weak.“What about it?”, Aizawa asked, doing his best to keep the concern from his face.“Wha’ happened to it?”, Katsuki grimaced again, twisting and sweating on the bed. “Where’d it go? Where’d it go? Wha’ happened to it?”Aizawa’s frown deepened.“Nothing”, he said, taken aback. “Nothing happened to it. It’s there”.“No”, Katsuki shook his head. “No, no, no. Why’d he le’ you go?”Aizawa blinked again, trying to make sense of Katsuki’s words.“From where?”“Th’ contr’l”, Katsuki’s eyes slipped shut, suddenly too tired to keep that up. “You st’pped str’nglin’ me. Di’ he let you go?”Aizawa stared at him in shock.“You dreamt I was strangling you?”, he asked, eyes wide.But Katsuki didn’t respond. His head had fallen back against the askew pillows, mouth open and slack, lolling limply to the side. He looked young – too young.And then, Aizawa found himself stepping away from the bed as one of the nurses yelled something about an operation room, and before he could ask them about what was happening or where they were taking his student, Katsuki was rushed out of the room.      When he woke up, he couldn’t really feel anything.Actually, he felt like he was floating.
  Like a petal on a stream –
He decided he didn’t like it.“Stop tha’ an’ just pu’ me on the ground”, he told no one in particular, authoritative.“Oh, I think he’s awake”.There were faint footsteps all around him, he couldn’t really tell. Left or right, it didn’t really matter. He didn’t know where it was coming from. He wasn’t even sure he had heard anything…“Hey, son. How are you feeling?”Huh. Weird.“Don’ call me son”, he retorted, petty.A pause.“Why not?”“’Cause ya ain’ my dad”.“Really?”“M’ dad’s not s’me wimpy sh@t los’r who calls p’ple son. My dad’s my… dad”.“All right. But how do you know I’m not your dad?”“C’se you’re not”.“Hm. Why don’t you try opening your eyes and seeing it for yourself?”Katsuki frowned. What the hell was this f@ck@r talking about? But hey, maybe his eyes were closed because everything was very dark and black and he couldn’t really see. So he tried. How does one open their eyes again? He thought there was some sort of reverse blinking involved, but he couldn’t really remember…It took him a while to get it right. Once he did, everything was too bright and white and he hated it, so he closed his eyes again with a groan.“Come on”, the person talking to him urged. “Make a little effort”.“Shu’ up”, Katsuki groaned, p@ss@d off. “Don’ tell me wha’ to do”.“Well, he seems to be back to normal”, another voice said from the distance. Katsuki frowned.He tried the reverse blinking again, and this time he managed to keep one of his eyes open despite the uncomfortably bright light. After adjusting his sight for a few moments, he finally focused on the face looming above him.Sh@t. It was his dad.“Th’ hell you’re doin’ here?”, Katsuki squinted, confused and dizzy. What day was it? What happened? Where were Aizawa and All Might?“Nice to see you too, brat”, Mitsuki stepped next to Masaru, arms crossed above her chest. Even though she sounded like a cranky old hag as usual, there was something weird about her face – something Katsuki couldn’t quite place. “Are you done giving your old woman grey hairs or do you have some more sh@t to pull off?”“Mitsuki…”, Masaru reproached, sounding somber.“No, really, I want to know”, she said, sounding... Resentful? “Because I’d rather be prepared next time. Grey hair looks like sh@t on me, so if he has any more of this cr@p, I want to know so I can start saving money for my hair dye”.Katsuki’s eyes darted between his parents’ faces, trying to make sense of what was happening.“What she’s trying to say”, Masaru told him, patient as ever. “Is that we were really worried about you”.“Worried?”, Mitsuki exclaimed, and Katsuki tried to make sense of the red marks around her eyes, and of its puffiness, and of the disheveled way her clothes and hair were looking. She never looked like this. She was always tidy and composed, never… this. It kind of freaked him out. “Oh, Masaru, you really want to talk about worried?”, she laughed humorlessly, her tone of voice raising slightly with each word.Masaru sighed and lowered his head, preparing himself for what was coming.“Honey, we talked about this. We’re in a hospital –““I was losing my g@dd@mn mind, Katsuki, Jesus, can you stop putting us through this sh@t?”, she downright screamed despite her husband’s warning. “I thought you were dead, kid! Dead! It was all over the news, and then they wouldn’t let us stay with you for security reasons or whatever the hell, and then you nearly killed yourself all over again and needed another surgery and I swear to god, Katsuki Bakugou, if you ever make me sit on a sh@tty hospital chair and watch over my dying son without knowing if he’ll pull through, I’ll make sure you live just so I can kill you myself!”“Honey…”Katsuki continued to blink up at his mom and his dad, trying to catch up with the words. Dead…? Security reasons…? Another surgery…?“Wha’ happ’n’d? I don’ rememb’r”, he frowned instead of giving her an angry retort like he would usually do. He felt like his brain had been replaced with cotton and nothing she had said made any sense to him. He was too numb to feel anything, let alone anger…And, at this, his mom started sobbing.Ok, he had no idea what was going on.Masaru gently enveloped his crying wife’s shoulders and led her away from Katsuki’s bed, helping her sit down on the visitor’s couch before walking back towards his son. He had a sympathetic look on his tired face, and now that Katsuki thought about it, he looked about as disheveled as his mother.“Don’t take her screaming to heart”, he said gently, his hands shoved in his pockets. “She’s been stressing over you. We all have”.Katsuki simply stared at him, too drugged and confused to offer a response. Masaru shifted his weight from leg to leg.“You were doing fine after the first surgery, but then you started developing a fever. You had a fever dream and your trashing around tore your stitches and reopened your injury. They had to rush you to the OR. The doctors think the fever itself might have been caused by the…”, he swallowed dry, as if nauseous. “Impalement injury. Infection was always a risk because of the intrusive nature of the wound. They said you were feeling constant pain, which is expectable, but it could also signal an infection. They also agreed that your broken arms might have contributed to the fever. Some sort of, um, bone infection as well”.Katsuki continued to stare at him through glassy eyes.“They had to call Recovery Girl in to help with the surgery again, so it will take a little while until you recover enough for her to heal your arms for good. You’ll have to stay here for a little longer because they want to keep a close eye on how the…”, he cleared his throat, “injury  heals. In case more complications happen”.It took Katsuki a little while to completely understand what he was being told, and once he did, he sighed loudly, closing his eyes.“This sucks”, he groaned, still hating how off his voice sounded.“I know, son, but…”, Masaru took a deep breath. “Honestly, I’m just glad you’re alive. You had us so worried, Katsuki, you have no idea. Your mom was almost arrested”.That caught his attention.“Wha’?” he frowned, turning his head to look at Mitsuki, who was sitting on the couch at the corner of the room and seeming to be recomposing herself.“Yes”, Masaru nodded emphatically, as if he knew that was the sort of information that would catch his son’s interest. “She… slapped a police officer because they wouldn’t let her in the room. They even cuffed her, but All Might apologized on her behalf and explained the situation, so they let her go. No charges pressed”.“Di’ ya film it?”, Katsuki scoffed.“No. You know how she is; the whole thing was over before I could even think of grabbing the phone”, Masaru told him apologetically.Katsuki let out a half-hearted snort.“Slow”, he and Mitsuki said at the same time.Masaru sighed.“Come on, now. You both know it was better for me not to film it. They could use that evidence against you if they did press charges, you know”, he craned his neck to look at his wife.“Sh@tty excuse”, Katsuki huffed.“Watch your language, young man”, Masaru said, but his tone was half-hearted as usual. Katsuki rolled his eyes.“I alm’st died. I ge’ a free pass”, he said simply, still slurring because of his medication. Before his dad could start looking all gloomy and miserable because of what he said, he added: “So, when can I ge’ th’ hell out of th’s place?”Masaru sighed, looking away.“Like I said, you’ll have to stay for a bit longer. Until you’re back on your feet”.Katsuki tried not to roll his eyes again, just because his dad looked really tired and sad.“Yeah. And how m’ch longer are we talkin’?”There was an awkward pause during which his dad looked very uncomfortable. Then, he removed one of his hands from his pocket in order to adjust his glasses back up the bridge of his nose, which indicated this was about to get serious.Great. Katsuki was definitely too high on pain meds for this.“Son”, he started, leaning slightly against the edge of Katsuki’s bed. “What happened to you was very serious. You were unconscious for several days, you needed two surgeries, you almost…”, he shook his head, lowering it.Flashes of Kaminari’s bloodied face hovering above him and looking scared sh@tless appeared in his mind again, and Katsuki closed his eyes against the memory.Fine, yeah. His heart had stopped, and all that cr@p. He knew.“Yeah”, he said upon his father’s silence, not quite meeting his eyes. “I was told”.Masaru stared at him for a little while, but Katsuki avoided his gaze, looking up at the ceiling instead.“So you know that this is a delicate situation. And I am begging you, Katsuki – as your father, and as someone who loves you more than anything in this world. Do not push yourself”.Katsuki glared at him. For once in his life, his father sounded very, very serious.“I mean it”, he added. “I know how you are. I know how you can get. And me and your mom – we both know that this career you’ve chosen – this career we indulged you on – is very dangerous. We are not idiots like you think. We are well aware of the risks of being a hero, we always were. But we’re also your parents. There’s nothing we want more than for you to be happy and safe. And, unfortunately, and much to my despair, we both know that your idea of happiness includes being a hero, which means this wasn’t your last round in a hospital”, he said, sounding like his voice was about to break. “But please. Do not put us through this again because you were too stubborn to listen to your doctors and to stay in bed. Do not try to prove your worth by pushing yourself until you nearly die again. Katsuki, I am serious – I don’t think my heart can take it”, he shook his head, tears pooling in his eyes.Katsuki frowned. His dad looked really desperate. That, added to the way his mom had just broken down into sobs, something he couldn’t really remembering ever witnessing before, only added to the seriousness of those words – and of that request.“Ok”, Katsuki said compliantly, worry evident in his voice and in the way he was looking at Masaru. The last thing he wanted was to give his dad a heart attack or something.Masaru nodded gratefully, tears running down his cheeks as he did so. He removed his glasses and cleaned them on his sweater before taking a step back, looking distraught and upset.“I need to use the bathroom. I’ll give you and your mom some privacy”, he announced, and just like that, he walked away from the bed and exited the room.Everything was silent for the little while that took Mitsuki to stand up from the couch and approach her son again. Once she did – Katsuki silently staring up at the ceiling while he waited, not wanting to be the first one to break the ice –, she stopped beside his bed, staring at him.After a few seconds, he stared back at her.They were quiet for a while.Then, just as he was about to avert his gaze…“Sorry I yelled at you”, she said.Katsuki’s eyebrows immediately arched up.“That has to be a f’rst”.Mitsuki clenched her jaw and closed her eyes, tilting her head to the side as she took a deep, calming breath.“Listen, brat”, she said through gritted teeth, sounding like it was taking every ounce of self-control she had not to snap right at him. “I’m trying really hard to do this, so don’t act all cocky with me. Ok?”, she gave him a look.Katsuki narrowed his eyes at her, silent. Waiting.Mitsuki sighed.“Like I said – I’m sorry. For yelling, and for – accusing you, and for…”, she clenched her jaw again.Then, her shoulders slumped and she deflated. For the first time, Katsuki noticed how tired she really was.She seemed defeated, in a way.“I know I messed up”, she continued, head hanging low, as if she couldn’t quite bring herself to look into her son’s eyes. As if she was afraid. Her hands were gripping the metal bar on Katsuki’s bed tightly, knuckles white. “I know I was a sh@t mother. I always let you do whatever you wanted as a kid. I sucked at giving you limits. You reminded me so much of myself, and I… I didn’t want to smother that. That side of you, that was like me. I took pride in that. I was so proud of you, and of the potential I knew you had… And when you became limitless, I started shouting at you and giving you sh@t for something that deep down I knew was my fault. You were just a kid; you didn’t know any better. And I know I should have taught you”.It was Katsuki’s turn to clench his jaw.“But I was wrong”, she shook her head, lifting it and meeting Katsuki’s eyes again. Now that he was a bit more sober – but not completely, far from it –, he could see that her eyes were red-rimmed and puffy from crying so much. “I shouldn’t have been proud of you back then”.Ok. Ouch. He hadn’t seen that one coming.“Because I’ve been losing my mind with worry for you this past week, yes, and I almost shat myself when I got the call telling me that the boy they recovered barely alive from the rubble was you, but nothing – and I mean this – nothing has ever, ever made prouder of you than what you did at that museum”, she told him fiercely, eyes burning with intensity.Katsuki stared at her in confusion. Ok, he was definitely not sober enough for this conversation.“Do you realize this? Katsuki?”, she asked, shaking her head again. “Do you realize that you, a 17-year-old brat who barely even has a proper hero license saved hundreds of lives all by yourself? Do you realize the strength of that?”He blinked up at his mom, frowning.“Sh@t, kid”, she ran a hand across her face, shaking her head again and looking torn between crying and laughing. “I mean. God. Look at you”, she smiled, but there was a tear running down her cheek.Katsuki felt confused as f@ck, to be honest.“My little baby boy. My little brat. Going off and saving hundreds before he’s even graduated”, she placed her hands on her hips, staring down proudly at him. “You were really destined for greatness, weren’t you, kid?”, she scoffed, smiling at him affectionately.Katsuki blinked up at her. He didn’t understand.“I wish I was a better mom to you”, she continued, the smile dying down from her lips as she stared at the side, avoiding his eyes again. “I wish I had taught you stuff properly. I wish I had taught you how to be confident without being arrogant. I feel like, if I had done a better job, I would have spared you a lot of pain”, she sniffed.Katsuki’s frown deepened.“Because c’mon, let’s be real here. I could have disciplined you, and you’d still have turned out great”, she shrugged, meeting his eyes. “There was nothing I, or anyone, could have done to smother that talent you have. That glory”, she scoffed.She stepped closer to him, running a thumb across his cheek. He realized she was wiping a tear away from his face, but he didn’t understand why he was crying or what had triggered it. He probably wouldn’t have even felt the tear if she hadn’t cleared it away.“So please, kid. Listen to your old hag and do as she says, at least for once in your life. Live to become the greatest, yeah?”, she told him, emotional and yet somehow still looking fierce. “No one is prouder of you than I am. But I was nearly losing it, Katsuki, I punched a police officer, for god’s sake”.“Dad said ya slapp’d a p’lice off’cer”, Katsuki protested, and of course that would be the first thing he said after his mom put her heart on display like that. Mitsuki snorted.“Yeah, no, it was a punch”, she admitted, looking away for a moment. “But legally I shouldn’t say that. So don’t tell anyone, ok?”, she crossed her arms above her chest. “Plus, he totally deserved it”.Katsuki snorted out a laugh, smirking. His mom smirked back at him.“But seriously. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone, Katsuki”, she continued, assuming a more serious tone. She placed a hand on his shoulder. “And you really, actually, almost died. So if the doctors tell you you can’t leave just yet, listen to them. If they tell you not to get up, stay in bed. I mean it. The more you push yourself, the longer you’ll have to stay here”.Katsuki stared at the ceiling, a pensive look on his face. He knew his mom was right, and if he had to be honest with himself, he didn’t think he could really bring himself to step out of bed just yet, no matter how hard that was to admit.But then he thought about Deku, and how he had been forced to stay in a hospital bed for months. Katsuki didn’t think he could pull that off. Laying around doing nothing, being constantly helped and probed and dragged around like a puppet with severed strings… Just the mere thought of it sent shivers down his spine.The thought of being helpless, of being defenseless. Of being weak.Maybe he could understand Deku’s frustration a little bit better, now that he was sort of walking in his shoes. Why he had been so angry and p@ss@d every time Katsuki told him to stay away from a fight; why he had looked so sad and upset every time Katsuki called him useless or weak, even if he didn’t really mean the words.He had never considered that those words could have a different weight in Deku’s point of view, because of everything he had been through. Katsuki knew d@mn well that if any of his sh@tty friends showed up and called him useless while he laid in a hospital bed after nearly kicking the bucket, he would at least try to kick them in the face. But he wasn’t in the state of kicking anyone, let alone in the face, so that would probably make him feel even more frustrated.He wondered why Deku never did that to him. Why he never fought back, why he never called him out on his b@llsh@t. He would have seen it sooner. He would have stopped it before they got into so many fights, before they danced around each other in that never-ending cyclical waltz they kept pulling whenever they interacted.But who was kidding? If Deku had kicked him, he would have kicked back. It was in his nature.He had to do something about that.Because now… Now he knew better. Now he understood better. And now… Maybe he could finally bring their waltz to an end. With no more kicking this time. “Katsuki? Can you hear me?”, his mom called, waving a hand in front of his eyes. She was frowning in concern at him, and Katsuki realized he had been zoning off for a while.Before he could say anything to justify himself – which would probably take him a while, since he was still under a lot of pain meds – his mom gave his shoulder a squeeze and offered him a tired smile, seeming resigned.“You should go back to sleep. We can talk about this later, all right?”, she said, uncharacteristically soft. Katsuki found it really weird and unsettling, but he didn’t exactly dislike it. Maybe he was too drugged to dislike anything in that moment.When he didn’t respond, she snapped her fingers in front of his eyes.“Oi, brat. Did you hear me?”, she asked a bit more abruptly. Katsuki couldn’t help but to smirk softly, tiredly – that was the Mitsuki he knew.“Yeah, I heard ya”, he slurred, half-groggy, half-falling-asleep. “Don’ die, be great. I got th’ most of’it, we don’ need t’ talk about it ‘gain. I know y’ get a’kward”.Mitsuki gave him an amused scoff.“And don’t disobey your doctors, either”, Mitsuki added again for good measure, authority written all over her tone. “I mean it, Katsuki. I know we’re having a moment here, but if I learn that you as much as scratched your butt without a nurse’s permission, I will be slapping you”.Katsuki snorted a sleepy laugh.“Yeah. ‘kay”.“Good. Oh, just so you know”, she added as his eyes slipped shut. He blinked them open again sluggishly, a bit annoyed that she had told him to sleep only to keep talking. “They will transfer you to UA once you’re stable enough. We all agreed that this way you’ll be safer, and it will be easier to keep an eye on you. In case…”, she trailed off.Katsuki frowned. In case a villain attacks? But if they’re visiting, isn’t it because this whole thing is done?“Is th’ inv’stigation ov’r?”, he asked, frowning again. Mitsuki nodded, seeming uncomfortable.“Yeah. Turns out the terrorist group wasn’t all that big. The ones that didn’t die in the explosion were captured in the past few days. Now that everyone’s either dead or locked up, there’s no reason you can’t get visitors. But we all agreed that you, as well as me and your dad, would feel safer if… You were somewhere protected. With people to watch over you”.“Th’r’s people watchin’ over me h’re”, Katsuki pointed out. Mitsuki rolled her eyes.“Yeah, I mean people who can do a bit more than wave a scalpel around in case a villain attacks. Which probably won’t happen, but I’d rather be safe than sorry when it comes to your trouble-magnet ass”, she jested.Katsuki offered a tiny, barely hearable chuckle in return. His eyes slipped back shut out of their own accord, tired, but before he could start drifting off, he felt his mom’s fingers running across his hair. Which was a bit weird.She had never done that before in his life – all he ever got were rough ruffling of his hair and joking pinches, hard playful shoves and tough teasing around. There had never been caresses at all, let alone this gentle.A pang of anxiety made his heart speed up. Maybe this wasn’t really his mom. Maybe this was an impostor, waiting for him to put his guard down so she could attack him and finish him off, like Aizawa had done…Wait, how did he even survive that? Had that been a dream? Or was this the dream? His mom was being uncharacteristically tender towards him, so maybe this was the dream. But again, Aizawa wouldn’t really hurt him, would he? So maybe that was the dream. Except he didn’t hurt him out of his own free will, the villain had forced him to do it… But his mom had just told him the villain was dead… So which one was the truth? How could he know?“Mom?”, he called, eyes still closed, but a frown painting his brow.He, once again, hated how he sounded, but this time more than ever – with a maternal hand caressing his hair, he felt like a lost little kid who was afraid of the monsters under his bed. Which had never been the case. Even as a tiny child, Katsuki had always vowed to kick the ass of whichever monster that had taken residence under his bed.So why was he feeling so scared and helpless now? Why had he fallen so low?“Yeah?”, his mom replied, and Katsuki couldn’t really bring himself to form the question he wanted to ask. It was so embarrassing. It was so ridiculous.He felt so weak. And his mom was the one person Katsuki made a hard point of never allowing himself to show weakness to.“What is it, Katsuki?”, Mitsuki urged when he didn’t say anything but remained noticeably awake, despite his closed eyes.Katsuki swallowed dry. He knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep unless he got an answer, but at the same time, he knew he couldn’t ask the question without ridiculing himself. Without making himself vulnerable. And he hated it.“Whatever it is, you can say it”, Mitsuki offered upon his silence, her hand stilling on his scalp. “Since you saved the day like a champ and didn’t die in the process, you get a hundred days of free-pass to say whatever the hell you want without getting your mouth slapped for it. How does that sound?”Katsuki snorted another weak laugh. That felt more like their usual dynamic.“Ya nev’r slap m’ mouth an’way, old hag”.“Just your head”.“Yeah”.A scoff.“C’mon, brat. Spit it. You made me curious”, she urged after a few moments, sounding sincere.Katsuki sighed. Maybe if he just let the pain killers and the tiredness take over, he could pretend he didn’t care about the embarrassment of what he wanted to know. If he phrased it in a way that didn’t make him sound like a weak loser, he might even fool himself at the end of the day.“Th’ v’llain in th’ aud’torium”, he swallowed, not opening his eyes. “Th’ one who chang’d em’tions”.“Hm”.“He died?”There was a pause.“Yeah. He was too close to the bomb when it went off”.Katsuki lied very still for a moment, processing his mother’s words. He needed to be 100% certain.“Ya sure?”“Well, yeah. That’s what the police told us”.Yeah, that didn’t really reassure him.“W’s th’re a body?”Another pause.“Katsuki…”, a warning.“Was th’re?”, he finally reopened his eyes, looking up at his mother.She gave him a weird look that he couldn’t quite figure out. She seemed extremely uncomfortable, out of a sudden.“Not a whole body”, she sighed, looking uncharacteristically nauseous. “But enough to attest that he was dead. For good”.Katsuki stared at her and then at the side for a while before his eyelids started to droop closed again, tired. He allowed himself to relax against the bed and the pillows, sighing sleepily. His mind was easier, now that he knew he was definitely safe. And having an easy mind was why he ended up blurting out:“N’ one attack’d me, right?”Sh@t. He hadn’t meant to go there. F@ck@ng drugs scr@w@ng up his inhibition. They also happened to screw up his ability to care, because he was unusually calm, even after embarrassing himself.“What?”, Mitsuki asked, confused, and screw it. He had already started this talk – he might as well carry on through it.“Wh’le I was here. In th’ h’spital. No one att’cked me, right?”, he slurred.There was yet another pause.“No, Katsuki”, Mitsuki said, worried. “No one attacked you. You were being escorted this whole time. They didn’t let us see you precisely because security was so tight. Your teachers stayed with you through it all. They even took turns”.Katsuki nodded sluggishly, relaxing further. Ok. So Aizawa trying to murder him had been the dream, instead of his mom being nice to him. For some reason, that new certainty made his chest feel warm and fuzzy. It was… It was probably the drugs.“’Kay”, he sighed, sagging against his pillows with already closed eyes. He was feeling even calmer now. Calmer and… dizzy.“Just…”, Mitsuki said, tired. Her tone had definitely shifted from the lighthearted interaction from before into something more somber at her son’s off-putting question. “Try to catch some sleep, all right? You need all the rest you can get”.Katsuki nodded again – or at least he thought he did. He couldn’t really tell, anymore – the relief that overwhelmed him upon figuring out what was dream and what was reality had made his brain shut down into a dreamless sleep almost immediately.      He woke up to red hair and hushed whispers.“Shh, I think you woke him up”.“Well, that nurse guy said he was about to wake up soon, how is this my fault?”“Because you can’t stay quiet to save your life”.“You’re the one who’s been staring at him fixedly for like, ten minutes”.“That doesn’t wake up anyone up!”“How do you know that?”“Ugh, just be quiet”.“How do you know that?! Who did you stare at in their sleep?!”“Stop it, Kirishima –““Bakugouuuuuuu”, a female voice said softly from beside him.Katsuki turned his head towards the voice, blinking a few times. Pink and black painted his vision, but it took him a few moments before he could make sense of the blurry shape in front of him.It was Mina.Katsuki’s heart immediately sped up as a rush of memory overwhelmed him.
  “I’ll stop him –“, Sero tried to rush to the face-mask villain, meaning to drag him away from the stage.

  “No!”, Mina held him back, dragging him away. “There’s no time, let’s go!”
“R-Raccoon Eyes”, Katsuki croaked out, trying to shift positions on the bed before he remembered he shouldn’t move too much. Mina’s eyes were full of tears.“Oh my god, Bakugou!”, she squealed, emotional, looking like she desperately wanted to hug him but knew better than to do that – not because of his temper and possibly grumpy reaction, but because of his still healing wounds. “You’re finally awake!”Katsuki blinked and ran his eyes around the room, trying to catch sight of his other visitors. Kirishima was there, by his other side, as well as Sero, who was standing in front of the bed. He couldn’t help but to frown slightly, noticing a few people were missing.He looked at the door, secretly hoping to find… someone else arriving, or waiting there. Now that he was finally allowed visitors, there was no reason for Deku not to stop by, right? But as he searched, he found there was no one else there – just the three friends, gathered around his bed. Sighing, Katsuki turned back to them.“How long ‘ve you sh@theads been standing here watchin’ me sleep?”, he groaned, voice raspy because of his dry throat. Mina let out a wet chuckle, grasping the bar beside the bed with a vengeance since she couldn’t grab Katsuki’s actual, very much casted hand.“Oh, man, I gotta say it’s a relief to see you’re still yourself”, Kirishima let out a laugh, grabbing the bar on the other side of the bed. “They said you bashed your head pretty bad and this is like, the third time in a year, so we were worried”.“A whole building dropped on him”, Sero commented, sounding more serious than usual. “It’s a surprise his head wasn’t in a worse state”.“I never thought I would actually be grateful that you have a thick head, Bakugou”, Mina jested, even if she still sounded emotional – which kind of ruined the joke. Katsuki still glared at her for good measure.“Oi”.“But for real, man”, Kirishima drew his attention again, the only one bold enough to reach out and touch his shoulder. Katsuki thought he would hate it, but he actually found comfort in the touch.  “We’re really glad your head was thick enough to save your life”.Mina and Sero chuckled friendly. Katsuki rolled his eyes.“Just you wait until I’m out of this sh@tty bed. I’ll make each and every one of you pay for these sh@tty jokes”, he huffed, but it was half-hearted.This was because this sort of banter was actually making him feel a bit better – a bit more back to normal. His friends weren’t treating him like he was a criminal about to break out, like Aizawa had done, or like he would snap his spine in half if he as much as sneezed, like All Might had done. They weren’t being weirdly nice to him like his mom. They were treating him like they always did – teasing, and jesting, and overall being idiots. Idiots Katsuki enjoyed being around, even if he didn’t vocalize it much.And yeah, he had liked that new side of his mom (even if he’d never talk about that to anyone), but being treated normally by his friends was something else. It distracted him from the fact that he was in a very vulnerable position, all broken and bruised on a hospital bed. As long as they kept the teasing and the jokes up, he could almost pretend he didn’t feel any shame for being seen in this state – he could almost pretend this was just a regular day after class.“But how are you doing, Bakugou?”, Sero asked, leaning forwards so that he would support his elbows on the foot of Katsuki’s bed. “I mean, we all know you were in a pretty bad shape, but are you… You know. Still in pain?”Katsuki huffed, shifting his head. Of course, his luck was short-lived. The jokes were over. Back to reality. He didn’t even know why he bothered to pretend, anyway.“They’re giving me pretty good pain killers”, he admitted, a bit too worn out and disappointed to try and keep up a strong façade that would make him say something in the lines of ‘whining about pain is for losers’. “But it doesn’t hurt all that much now”, he added as an afterthought, just in case.He wasn’t lying, though. The first times he had woken up, it had been due to a decrease of pain medication in his system – the agony had pushed him back to consciousness. Ever since he woke up to All Might by his side, however, that hadn’t been the case. This time, it seemed that his wakefulness had been provoked by his friends’ inability to stay quiet when visiting someone in the hospital rather than his brain reacting to the discomfort.“We were so worried about you”, Mina said, taking his other shoulder in a mimic of Kirishima. This made him slightly uncomfortable, but he couldn’t exactly run away. “I mean, everything happened so fast, and then everything blew up and the building fell down, and then Mid–““Mid-chaos”, Kirishima cut her off with a warning in his voice. Katsuki, still a bit too out of it because of the pain killers, turned his head sluggishly to look at his friend, barely missing the meaningful look Kirishima was pointing at an ashamed Mina. “We realized you weren’t out”, Kirishima concluded.“What we wanted to say”, Sero said, stepping closer to him and taking Mina’s side. “Is that… That…”He lowered his head with a sigh, trailing off.Katsuki frowned.“We’re really grateful you saved our lives, Bakugou”, Mina provided when Sero remained silent, tears appearing in her eyes again. “Thank you”, she added emphatically, squeezing his shoulder.“Yes”, Sero nodded, and now he was looking emotional too. And serious. Very serious. “I mean, what you did was – it was incredible. And like, I’m sure this will make your big head even bigger, but everyone’s talking about how amazing you are. And you totally deserve the praise, because – dude”.Katsuki scoffed, a smirk appearing on his lips.“But can we agree that, next time, you should escape with us instead of staying back and getting impaled?”, he added, a paradoxical mixture of humor and resentment in his voice. Mina nudged his belly with her elbow.“Don’t joke about that, idiot”, she reprimanded in a low voice, probably not meaning for Katsuki to hear it. He barely did.“Sorry, sorry”, Sero chuckled, sounding forced. “I was just trying to lighten the mood. Bakubro is looking real grim”.“That’s precisely because of the impalement! You don’t need to remind him of that!”, Mina scolded with a whisper. Katsuki’s hard-hearing made it hard for him to fully understand what she was saying, but he could have a general idea from the tone she was using and from the disapproving look on her face.“It’s ok”, Katsuki mustered, not really thinking about his words before he said them, which apparently was becoming a habit. “Not plannin’ on getting impaled again. Also, I said this stuff is pretty good. I can’t even feel m’ face right now”, he added before his brain could catch up with the possible consequences for that, and once again, god d@mn these inhibition issues he was having.Mina and Kirishima exchanged a look.“No”, Kirishima said emphatically before the girl even opened her mouth.“Oh, come on!”, Mina protested.“We agreed on that, Mina!”, Kirishima continued.“That’s not fair”.“I can’t believe you’re making me be the sensible one! We’re not supposed to be arguing in front of our friend who barely escaped death, or making fun of him while he’s drugged!”“See? You didn’t say anything about taking pictures –““Because that’s implied!”“I did that last time and you enjoyed it!”“Uh, guys”, Sero interrupted. “I think Bakubro fell asleep again”.Katsuki blinked his eyes open, not having realized he’d closed them.“Nope, still here”, he said quickly. “Just tired of listenin’ to your sh@tty arguing”, he added defensively.Kirishima gave him a fond chuckle, tapping his shoulder.“We should probably let you rest. Aizawa sensei told us not to wear you out too much, and I’m pretty sure he’ll have our heads on silver trays if something happens to a single hair on your head because of us”.Katsuki frowned at him.“Watcha mean?”, he asked.“Oh, nothing much, apart from the fact he was there with you while the paramedics were trying to prevent you from dying”, Sero huffed sarcastically. This time, Mina slapped his arm.“What’s wrong with you?”, she asked angrily, loud enough for Katsuki to understand it this time, and glaring at the tape boy.Sero looked ashamed again, facing away, and Katsuki felt, for some weird reason, a need to intervene. The last thing he needed was for their friends to start tip-toing around him like his teachers had been doing, and he wasn’t really much into arguments in which he didn’t participate directly.“It’s no’ like I don’t know I was pr’tty f@ck@d up”, he offered.Mina stared at him with confusion written all over her emotional eyes whereas Sero kept avoiding to look at him.“Uh… Aizawa sensei’s just worried about you, man”, Kirishima concluded awkwardly, shrugging and trying to diverge his attention from the other friends. “I mean, we all were. But like Sero said, he was there for the worst of it, so… He’s been stressed out. Midoriya too. Especially because of the whole investigation stuff that was going on”.Katsuki blinked for a few seconds, trying to understand why that rang a bell. Then, he recalled his conversation with his mom, and the information about the investigation being over and his transfer back to UA. That was the reason why his friends and his parents were allowed visit him, but Katsuki had been too out of it to ask his mom about the details.“How was it?”, he asked, head still feeling like mashed potato. Kirishima tilted his head.“What? The investigation?”“Yeah”, Katsuki sighed, closing his eyes for a second. When he reopened them, Kirishima was giving him a weird look.“Look, you don’t need to worry about that”, his best friend said after a few seconds, and there was something off about his voice. “Everything’s solved. The villains who managed to escape were arrested and interrogated, and they didn’t allow you to have visitors until they were a hundred percent sure that there was no one else left in the group and no risk of another attack”.Katsuki sighed again, exasperated.“’m not worried”, he grunted. “I j’st wanna know how it went. M’ mom just told me the basic”.Mina and Kirishima shared a look.“Maybe you should rest a bit more before we talk about that”, Mina offered, giving him a sympathetic smile. Katsuki frowned.What the f@ck were they hiding?“Why?”, he grunted again, shifting his head to look at her. His eyes unadvisedly averted towards the door behind her before they focused back on her worried face.Mina sighed, opening and closing her mouth in an attempt to search for the words she wanted to say. In the end, it was Sero who answered.“It’s because you’ve been taking power naps for the entirety of this conversation, man”, he spoke up, sounding uncomfortable. “You’re clearly too tired for this”.Katsuki stared at him. Sero finally met his eyes, and there was something alien there, in the gaze of his friend who was usually so lighthearted and well-humored. Something grim that Katsuki didn’t really recognize.It felt wrong. Sero was usually the one who made jokes and sassy comments, alongside Kaminari and Kirishima. Kirishima was clearly trying to be lighthearted and supportive, as he always did, but Sero… It was like he wasn’t even trying. And while he always gave Katsuki sh@t, all his attempts so far had been tone deaf. More importantly, he wasn’t the type to mope and look so…Sad.Mina and Kirishima exchanged another look before Kirishima hummed and scratched the back of his head.“Uh… Hey, um, Mina”, Kirishima said awkwardly. “I’m feeling really hungry. Wanna go to that vending machine outside with me so we can grab some chips?”“Yeah, yeah, I’ll go with you”, Mina said with a tiny smile, walking towards the door and holding it open for Kirishima. “Hey, Bakugou, we’ll… be right back”, she offered as a sh@tty excuse, but before Katsuki could call her out for it, she and Kirishima were already out of the room, the door clicking dully behind them.Sero sighed and rolled his eyes before taking Mina’s place, closer to Katsuki’s head. Katsuki stared at him with suspicion in his eyes, waiting for the boy to say whatever it was he wanted to say – since that was obviously the reason why Kirishima and Mina left in the first place.A few moments of awkward silence passed, during which Sero looked anywhere but at Katsuki’s general direction while Katsuki glared up at him as viciously as he could, promptly making an effort to not blink his eyes for too long and risk falling asleep (again).Eventually, Sero sighed again, lowering his head for a moment before meeting Katsuki’s fixed gaze.“Look, man”, he said, and Katsuki hated how alien the melancholic look on his face seemed. “I’m just… Having a hard time coping with everything that happened. The guys know that, and they probably want me to talk to you about it, but we don’t need to have this conversation if you don’t want to”.Katsuki scoffed. While he appreciated the offer, he also wanted to get this over with before his paranoid brain could start coming up with theories that Sad Sero was actually an impostor.“Talk ahead, Seaweed Hair”, he grunted. “’s not like I can run away or someth’ng”.“Yeah, I know”, Sero said, uncharacteristically serious. “This is why I don’t want to force you into this. As least not until you’re well enough to walk away if you feel like it”.Katsuki studied his face for a moment, eyes narrow.“Wha’s really going on?”, he asked, suspicious. Sero lowered his head again, biting at his lower lip – in yet another alien manner.A beat. During the moment it took Sero to respond, the only sound in the room was coming from the machines attached to Katsuki, but they were dull, as if beeping from a distance. Katsuki was too focused on his friend to put any thought into it, but he had to admit that the muffled way things were sounding was starting to p@ss him off. The only reason he was able to understand what people told him was because the room was very, very quiet and usually his visitors stood and sat directly in front of him, meaning he could see their lips while they talked.“We…”, Sero started, not looking at him and seeming awkward. “Almost lost you”, he admitted, shrugging.He sounded like he was making an incredible effort to let the words out, which was why Katsuki didn’t respond with ‘yeah, and I have been told that a million times already’.“It was pretty d@mn close, man. And I was right there, you know? You –“, he scoffed, shaking his head. “You threw me out right before the whole thing blew up, and you like – you trusted I’d be able to grab everyone and take them to safety”, he looked at Katsuki, serious.Katsuki frowned.“Yeah”, he shrugged – or tried to, given his current condition. “I knew you could do it. You were th’ best shot I had”.Sero scoffed again, hands gripping the bar by the bed hard enough for his knuckles to go white.“Yeah”, he said simply, bitterly, as if that was a good enough explanation for his sour mood. His head was lowered between his tensed-up shoulders.Katsuki waited for him to continue. He didn’t.“I don’t get it”, Katsuki admitted, a bit annoyed and definitely confused as hell. Sero looked at him. “You’re p@ss’d I trusted you?”It was Sero’s time to squint.“What?”, he asked, sounding almost offended that was Katsuki’s conclusion. “No, dude. I’m just – I –“, he hesitated swallowing dry.Katsuki watched him.“Look”, Sero sighed again, sounding tired. “I’m just glad you’re alive. And I’m – I’m glad you trust me”.Katsuki continued to watch him.Sero met his eyes again, seeming a bit embarrassed.“All I’m trying to say is – Well. We all know you’re a bit of a hothead”, he shrugged. “And I guess deep down I always knew you don’t actually – hate us all or something, and you don’t actually think we’re useless extra cockroaches or whatever. But, I don’t know”.Katsuki frowned.“You’re not makin’ any sense”, he complained. But maybe Sero was making sense and his head was the one too fuzzy by the painkillers for him to understand what he was saying. He wasn’t about to let the boy know that, though.Sero sighed again, frustrated. Then, he forced himself to look at Katsuki.“Thanks for trusting me”, he said, almost aggressively.Katsuki frowned.“O…k…?”Sero let go of the bar and crossed his arms above his chest.“I mean, that was what I wanted to say. That I’m thankful that you saved my life, and that you trusted me enough to save other peoples’ lives”, he concluded, staring at his feet. “Also, sorry I called you ugly that one time”.Katsuki snorted out a weak laugh at this, ignoring the dull pain that erupted in his torso at the motion. He was still too high on painkillers to pay it any mind.“I mean it!”, Sero protested at Katsuki’s reaction, but he looked a bit less grim now. A bit more like himself. “That was all I could think about while they wouldn’t let us see you”.“Tha’ you called me ugly?”, Katsuki frowned, still smirking.“That I wanted to apologize for that and I might not get the chance”, Sero huffed, looking away in embarrassment again.Katsuki’s smile withered slowly. The reality of what had happened – of how close he’d been to losing his life – hit him like bricks once again.“Look, man”, Sero swallowed again. “I don’t usually get this sappy, but –““Yeah, I’m findin’ this really weird”.“But”, Sero looked at him. “It was really bad. Everyone was losing their minds. Kami…”, he sighed, trailing off.Yeah, Katsuki had been wondering about him, too. About him, and… someone else. His eyes once again found the door of the room, but there was no one there. He saw Mina and Kirishima very-not-subtly staring at him through the glass wall, but they jumped away from view as soon as Katsuki made eye-contact.“He’s not doing so well”, Sero concluded, unaware.For some reason, that made Katsuki’s stomach twist a bit.“I can imag’ne”.“Yeah”, Sero nodded. “He’ll probably visit you later. And I’m sorry I’m being all moody and all, but –“, he bit at his lower lip again. “You’re my friend. You know?”, he shrugged. “I don’t think I was dealing well with the fact that you might… not be around anymore”.It was Katsuki’s time to look away.“That’s why I keep… talking about what happened”, he swallowed dry. “A bit too bluntly sometimes. It p@ss@s Mina off. You know, the whole, uh, mentioning your state thing, and talking about the… uh. The injury”, he cleared his throat. “Sorry about bringing those things up, by the way. I don’t know – uh, if that makes you uncomfortable or something. I should probably stop. It’s just – for me, talking about it makes it a bit…”He trailed off. Katsuki stared at him, waiting for him to continue.“A bit less like a nightmare, you know? A bit easier to… overcome. The other guys have their own ways to cope. You probably can’t tell, but Kiri was manly sobbing his eyes out earlier today”, he smiled sadly.Katsuki narrowed his eyes, but hummed his acknowledgment.“You don’ have t’ worry about it”, he said. “I don’ give a sh@t if you mention it or not”.Sero let out a sincere chuckle at this, probably the first real one ever since Katsuki woke up.“Well, I figured it would be better to explain it to you”, he shrugged. Katsuki sighed.“Good. Now tha’ we’re settled, can you stop acting so weird?”, he huffed. If Sero’s cheeks became a little bit pinker, Katsuki was too drugged to notice – or to pay it any mind.“Yeah, sorry about that. Guess I was just too worried about you”.Katsuki huffed again, even if Sero’s words made his heart a little bit warmer.“’m not gon’ be taken down by some extra”, he said out of habit, but half-heartedly. “You can’t get rid of me that easily”.Sero smirked somewhat fondly at his friend, watching as his eyes slipped closed in spite of himself again. Katsuki was obviously tired, even if he would never admit that – or, in fact, recognize that. Sero took that as his cue.“You want me to ditch those guys so you can get some rest?”, Sero offered.Katsuki scoffed.“Tch. All I’ve been doing so far is restin’”.“Well, that sounds like a wise choice”, Sero raised his eyebrows. “Since you were like. You know. Pretty, uh, messed up, and all that. And I know I just apologized for calling you ugly, but you really look like you could use some sleep, man”.Katsuki snorted, smirking slightly before letting it drop into a half-grimace.“I’m fed up with sleepin’”, he complained, even though his eyes were closed and his breathing seemed to be evening out.Sero offered him another fond smile, one which was in no way rid of concern and the tiniest hint of guilt.“Well, guess I’ll head outside and let the guys know I’m doing better now that we talked”, he announced, knowing that Katsuki was too proud to admit he wanted to rest – he would probably end up passing out from tiredness in the middle of their conversation instead. Sero would have to pretend he was the one who opted to leave.“Okay”, was Katsuki’s mumbled response.“I’ll also tell the others who are here to see you to come visit some other time, ok?”“’kay”, Katsuki mumbled sleepily.Sero watched him for a few more moments.“Also, Midoriya asked us to tell you he’s sorry he hasn’t been around”.But Katsuki was already fast asleep and unable to provide an answer.      Katsuki woke up in the middle of the night, alone.“Ice chips”, he mumbled sleepily, only half-awake. “Deku, can you fetch me some ice chips…”No answer. He fell asleep again before jolting back into wakefulness.“Aizawa s’nsei”, he croaked out. “’re ya there?”Silence. He was completely alone.He ended up falling asleep again, thirsty.      Next time he woke up, for what felt like the hundredth loop on a groundhog day, Kaminari’s blurry face was there.Katsuki groaned.“You guys takin’ turns creeping ov’r me or s’mething?”, he complained, sighing. And then, something he had never anticipated happened.Kaminari burst into sobs.Katsuki frowned, worried, as his friend’s shoulders rattled and he covered his face with his hands. It was clear he was trying to hold back his tears, but he was failing miserably – and then Jirou was there, by his side, hands on his shoulders to offer him support.“There, there”, she whispered, in her usual serious tone, running a soothing hand up and down Kaminari’s shaking back. “It’s ok”.Kaminari finally uncovered his face, eyes red-rimmed and puffy, indicating this wasn’t the first time he burst into tears recently. Katsuki’s frown deepened.“Wha’?”, he asked, trying to sound natural despite the fact that he was: 1. Pretty much still very high on pain meds; and 2. Worried about his friend’s mental state, since he knew exactly why Kaminari seemed to be so shaken.He had been there. He could still remember, with a twinge of embarrassment, how hard he had broken down on the day he watched someone else flat line. Someone close.Someone he’d been putting a real effort on not thinking about, because that someone hadn’t shown up to visit once, and Katsuki didn’t know what he had done wrong this time.Just to be safe, his eyes travelled the room like they had done on his last visiting session, but he found no one other than Jirou and Kaminari in there. He turned his gaze back to them, finding that his friend was starting to regain his composure while Jirou still comforted him.Her ears seemed to have healed. That shouldn’t be such a big surprise, since Katsuki was in this d@mn hospital long enough for that to happen, but it was still… nice to know.“Sorry, man”, Kaminari croaked out, voice wet and emotional. He kept sniffing and trying to rub his tears away from his blotted face with the back of his hand. “I’m – I’m s-sorry. I told myself I wouldn’t break down, but really, god, it’s so good to hear you complain, Bakugou, you have no idea”, he admitted.Katsuki scoffed.“Gonna rem’mber you said that”, he advised with a tiny smirk.The jest didn’t help diffusing the tension. Kaminari continued to sniff and Jirou rolled her eyes, but there was a fond yet equally guilty look on her tired face.Katsuki had to admit he was starting to feel a bit fed up with that look on his friends’ faces. He wished he could do something to wipe it away, especially because he knew the looks were only there because of him.“I – I don’t know if they told you what happened –“, Kaminari started again.“They did”, Katsuki interrupted him before he could start with that same old ‘we almost lost you’. “I know”.The silence that fell in the hospital room was very tense.“Well…”, it was Jirou who cut it, letting go of Kaminari and taking a step closer to the bed. “How are you? With all that, I mean?”“All wha’?”, Katsuki frowned.She gave him a slightly suspicious look.“Didn’t you just say they told you?”, she raised an eyebrow.Katsuki scoffed again.“You wanna know if ‘m fine with th’ fact my heart stopped and I almost died?”, he asked nonchalantly, barely noticing the way Kaminari flinched beside him. “Yeah. Doin’ great”.Jirou stared at him, gaze intense.“We were very worried, you know”, she settled for saying.“I can tell”, Katsuki sighed.“Like, really worried”, Jirou emphasized.Katsuki stared at her.“I know”, he replied.A pause.“I know you’ve probably been hearing this a lot”, she continued, voice tight. “But you were amazing back there. And thank you – for saving our lives”.Katsuki nodded, feeling a bit uncomfortable.“Yeah, ‘s not a big deal”, he mumbled.Ok. To be fair, he was a person who grew up surrounded by and constantly covered in praise. “You’re amazing” here, “sugoi” there, “he has a great future ahead of him”, “he as an incredible quirk”, “he’s going to make a great hero someday”, yadda yadda yadda. He would be a liar if he said he didn’t like the praise – especially when it came from a certain someone –; he was too used to it to pretend it bothered him.But in this specific case, the praise felt… sour. It was something difficult to understand or to even think too much about, since his brain felt like mush every time he woke up, but he didn’t really like it. Maybe it was because he was being praised by something that was keeping him stuck inside a hospital. Maybe it was because he had almost died, despite the fact he hadn’t been sober enough to properly take that in just yet.Maybe it was because he hadn’t done it for the praise.For the first time ever, he hadn’t really thought about how cool everyone would think he was, or how he would prove himself to be better than everyone else, or how that would have a positive effect on his hero career. When the disaster happened, all Katsuki had thought about was saving his friends – saving Hatsume. Praise, recognition, and glory were the last things in his mind back then – he hadn’t even considered them. They hadn’t been his goal or his priority, at all.And… Katsuki knew where his friends were coming from. They were probably thanking him precisely because they knew he had prioritized their rescue. They were probably praising him to make him feel a bit less p@ss@d he was stuck in a bed and being pumped up with meds all day long.He should be glad. He really should. He should be happy with their thanks and with their comments on how amazing he was.But he wasn’t.He didn’t really know why, but there was something bothering him.“Dude”, Kaminari responded, bringing him out of his introspection. “Of course it was a big deal”.“What you did…”, Jirou shook her head in support. “It was big, Bakugou. Bigger than a lot of heroes your age accomplished”.“Did you know they are comparing you to All Might?”, Kaminari continued. “They’re calling you the next All Might, dude. That’s – That’s huge”.“And”, Jirou shrugged. “That’s pretty much the first step on your stupid plan of surpassing him, right?”But Katsuki wasn’t listening to them anymore.The next All Might.
  Red and orange lighting sparkled around his limbs, running across his body, making the hairs of his arms stand up and electric shivers run down his spine.
F@ck. F@ck, god d@mn it. God d@mn it to f@ck@ng hell.“Bakugou…?”, Jirou frowned, noticing the look on his face and the increasing pace of his heart monitor. “What’s wrong?”He squeezed his eyes shut. So far, he had been able to remember what had happened to him – the villains, the explosion, the building falling. After that, his mind was a fuzzy mess of pain and flashes, like Kaminari’s crying face, or Deku’s bloodied face, or Aizawa sensei. But now, things seemed to be clearer in his mind. A missing piece of the puzzle had finally been placed in its gap.He had used One For All.He had f@ck@ng used One For All, even though he didn’t mean to. That was probably why his arms were so f@ck@d up – he had done what Deku did so many times. He had broken his bones because of the quirk. And now people were comparing him to All Might.No wonder Deku hadn’t shown up yet. Katsuki had stolen yet another one of his dreams.“Kaminari”, Jirou called, urgent and serious. “Call the nurse”.“What’s going on?!”, Kaminari exclaimed.“Go call the nurse”, Jirou repeated.Katsuki’s eyes were darting the room while he thought, and he noticed he was on the verge of hyperventilating. He needed to put his thoughts in order, but it was hard to do that with so many drugs in his system, making his head fuzzy and slow.“Wai’”, he called breathlessly just as Kaminari crossed the room and reached for the doorknob. The boy froze in his tracks, hand outstretched, craning his head to look back at Katsuki.“Bakugou, you’re clearly unwell –“ Jirou tried to argue, but Katsuki swallowed dry, ignoring the growing discomfort on his side.He wasn’t sure if it was time for another round of his meds, but he wanted to be as sober as he could, at least for a few moments. He wouldn’t be able to do that if Kaminari called a nurse. It seemed that Jirou’s request had served to get Katsuki’s head away from the increasing panic and back to what really mattered.“’m ok”, he said, even if the words sounded as forced as they felt. One thing at the time. One foot after the other. “Don’ wanna go under ‘gain”.Jirou gave him a sad, concerned look as she crossed her arms above her chest, frowning.“Bakugou…”, she said in disapproval.“’m ok”, he swallowed dry again. If anything, the pain in his torso was starting to tone down now that he had stopped breathing so fast.“I don’t think –““Stop it”, he mustered out, voice a bit stronger. Jirou flinched but stood her ground, still eyeing him with great worry.Kaminari hesitantly lowered his arm and approached the bed again, staring at Katsuki as if he was a wounded animal.“I just – I didn’ know tha’”, he admitted, looking back at Jirou. “The All Might thing. He was h’re just the other day”.Jirou bit her lower lip and nodded. “Yeah. He and Aizawa sensei were taking turns watching over you. He didn’t know about it either – it’s all very recent”.Katsuki hummed.“We –“, Jirou continued, hesitant. “We only told you because… Um. I remember the villain’s threat. Back at the auditorium”.Katsuki blinked at her, trying to remember what she was talking about.“He said you were the explosion boy and that the media would put this on you. I just wanted you to know that they didn’t”, she blinked, looking away. “Everyone who was there was forced to have an interview with the investigators, and we made sure to make it very clear it wasn’t you who set the bombs off”.Katsuki gave her an amused scoff.He was really grateful for that. It had definitely been one of his latent worries, one of those he hadn’t found the time to really think about – his dream and the villain’s mockery had been a pretty good indicator of that. He didn’t know how to voice his gratitude properly, though; not without making him sound like an idiot.
  (“If you’re expecting a thank you, you should get your head off the clouds”, Katsuki snorted, raising an eyebrow at her.

  “I’m definitely not expecting a thank you from you”, Jirou admitted.)
Yeah, ok, f@ck it. Just one time wasn’t going to kill him.(Bad choice of words.)“Thanks, Ears”, he mustered out, looking away before she could give him that look. He didn’t know why he had done that – but he knew that, despite being the one who got the worst end out of this entire situation, his friends were worried about him, as well as his parents and his teachers. And frankly, he was done worrying people.He was done seeing the miserable look on their faces when they stared at him.It took a while for Jirou to respond, and when she did, she sounded shocked.“It’s… It’s ok, Bakugou”, she stuttered. “Sorry if we freaked you out by dumping too much on you at once”.That p@ss@d him off a bit.“I can t’ke it”, he scoffed, annoyed.“We know, man”, Kaminari was the one who intervened. Katsuki looked at him, finding that he hated how puffy and worried his eyes were.
  Flashes of Kaminari’s face, half-covered in blood and looking desperate, staring down at him and yelling something he couldn’t hear –
“And how’re you farin’ up?”, Katsuki groaned as he tried to shift on the bed. Not a good idea, but he assumed he was still on enough pain killers for the pain not to be excruciating.He was wrong. The meds were running off, and moving hurt like hell. He decided not to let it show on his face, lest he worry his friends even more.Kaminari frowned, confused and seemingly taken aback by the question.“I should be the one asking you that”, he admitted. “You were the one who… Who…”“You look like sh@t”, Katsuki pointed out simply before he could finish that sentence.Kaminari stared at him, mouth opening and closing.“I – w-well, um, I –“, he stuttered, clearly embarrassed.“’m just sayin’ because I know”, Katsuki admitted, embarrassed, and thankfully he was pretty much drugged up, otherwise he would have found it a lot harder to be this honest with Kaminari.Maybe with Kirishima it wouldn’t be so hard, but things were different with Kaminari. They were close, of course, but the boy was way more prone to failing to read the room and teasing at the wrong times, which meant Katsuki didn’t do heart-to-hearts with him too often.This time was different, however. Not just because his head was a mess of sleepiness, concussion and painkillers, but also because he knew what Kaminari had gone through.“You… know?”, Kaminari frowned, confused.Katsuki sighed.“I saw Deku flatline too”.He was too focused on trying to hide his pain to notice the look Kaminari and Jirou shared.“I know it sucks. You shouldn’ have needed t’ go through that”, he concluded.Kaminari gaped at him.Then, more tears started pooling in his eyes and his face started to scrunch up.“Oooookay”, Jirou said, walking around the bed so that she could grab Kaminari’s shoulders and lead him away from the bed before he had another breakdown – which seemed to be increasingly close. “Kaminari is taking a break outside. I’ll be right back”.“Jirou, why is he acting like that –“, he asked in a whiny voice.“Shhh, just wait outside. Grab yourself something to eat and take a breather like we talked, ok?”, she opened the door and pushed him out, closing it behind him with a click and turning on her heels almost immediately.Katsuki stared at her. She stared back.Then, she slowly marched back towards the bed, an apologetic look on her face.“Sorry about that, Blasty. We talked about it before you woke up, but… everyone’s been going through a lot”, she explained. “It’s hard, keeping our feelings at bay after everything that happened”.Katsuki studied her face. It took his slowed-down reflexes twice longer to identify the sorrow on her expression. In fact, his reflexes were so slow that he didn’t even have it in himself to wonder why he still felt drugged if his drugs were running off.“’m ok now”, he mumbled out. “You guys don’ have to worry abou’ me”.“We know”, Jirou smiled. “But we still do. No matter how strong or totally awesome or All Might-like you are, and you can’t stop us”.Katsuki’s smile fell, and Jirou noticed.“Sorry”, she said immediately, even if she didn’t know why that subject was bothering him so much. “I’m – sorry”.Katsuki’s eyes averted towards the door again, before fixing back on Jirou.“I f@ck@n’ hate these pain killers”, he dodged the subject, grumpy. “Make m’ head all fuzzy”.“Well, there was a hole ripped through you barely a week ago, so I think it’s fair that you still need them”, she shrugged, eyes fixed on him. Then, after a beat: “Does it hurt too much?”Katsuki sighed.“Wh’never it does, someon’ calls the d@mn nurse and they knock me ou’ again”, he complained with a huff. “Tha’s why I didn’t want you two to do that”.Jirou nodded.“I figured. Must be pretty maddening for you, having to stay here just sleeping and talking to people whenever you wake up, huh?”Katsuki snorted.“Yeah. Th’ drugs make me feel too ou’ of it to really care, though”, he admitted.“Hm”, Jirou hummed, crossing her arms above her chest.Silence fell between them. Katsuki found his mind starting to drift off, like it had happened back when his mom visited, and when Sero visited… But the pain was becoming stronger. Why was he falling asleep if his side still hurt…“Wha’s up with Sero?”, Katsuki found his mouth forming the words before he really thought them through. He just needed something to keep his mind stimulated; to keep his brain awake.Jirou frowned, tilting her head to the side.“Oh, well. He’s… Hanging in there”, Jirou said. “We were all… You know, pretty shaken by what happened. Me and the others who were with you, especially. You’ll probably get a visit from Hatsume soon, so you might want to prepare for that”.If f@ck@ng Pink Hair shows up here before Deku does I’ll swallow my own pillow, Katsuki thought angrily, surprising himself with the intensity of the intrusive thought.“Your therapist wanted to visit you too, but when she showed up you were still under that no-visitors policy because of the investigation”, she continued. “She’s worried about you. And we know that that Matsuo guy was her son. So you should expect her to come around some time, too”.Katsuki faced away from Jirou, staring out the window. The question he couldn’t bring himself to ask lingered unspoken in the air.Silence stretched. Jirou was standing right beside him, but he couldn’t face her. He didn’t want to.“Aren’t you going to ask about Midoriya?”, she broke the silence eventually, and Katsuki closed his eyes, not looking at her.“Wha’ about him?”, he groaned.There was a pause.“I’m finding it pretty uncharacteristic of you to not ask about him as soon as you wake up, given everything that happened between you two”.Katsuki sighed.“Nothin’ happened between us”.Jirou snorted sarcastically.“Yeah. Ok”.More silence. Katsuki found himself wishing he would drift off again, but now he was too alert to do so. His heart was beating too fast. He felt a bit more like himself.He realized, with a mortifying blush that rose to his face, that Jirou could probably hear the subtle change in his heartrate from the machine, even if he couldn’t. He only ever heard it if the machine was going crazy – whenever his cardiac rhythm was normal, the sound was too soft to be perceptible.He tilted his face away from her further, embarrassed.“Ok, guess I’ll just tell you about it anyway, thick-head”, Jirou sighed, sounding… disappointed? “He’s doing fine. He’s back to 100%. The only reason why he didn’t come here yet is because…”There it was. Katsuki held his breath in anticipation in spite of himself. Had he been in his perfect senses he would have known that there was no way Jirou would say Deku was mad at him because of the All Might thing and One For All, because she didn’t know about One For All, but his drugged-up brain convinced him that Deku had made up some sort of generic excuse that even Jirou would buy. And he shouldn’t be so upset or so afraid, but he was weak as sh@t and he had almost died and he was definitely past the point of pretending he didn’t care about Deku’s opinion or Deku overall. He hadn’t meant to use One For All, he didn’t ask for anyone to call him the new All Might. Couldn’t Deku see that? Couldn’t he comprehend –“… the medical staff wants you to get better before they let you see each other”.Katsuki’s racing thoughts hit the brakes so abruptly his brain lopsided.He turned his head to look at Jirou, a frown painting his face.“Wha’?”Jirou gave him a troubled look, facing away and staring at the wall instead.“Well”, she swallowed dry. “As you can imagine, he was the one most shaken about the whole thing”.Katsuki’s brain was probably fuming from the effort he was making to understand this conversation.“Wha’ do you mean?”, he squinted.Jirou… blushed?“Bakugou”, she looked at him, stern. “I know you’re oblivious as hell and I know you’re recovering and probably… drowning in pain meds”, she pointed at the IV connected to his broken arms. “But please. When Midoriya visits you, don’t – don’t be an idiot”.Katsuki just looked at her.“None of us was allowed to visit you until yesterday, so I was with him”, Jirou continued, and her eyes started to look wetter. “We all were with him. In the waiting room. And I saw how he was. It was almost as bad as…”, she shook her head, uncertain. “As back at the training camp”, she resumed in a quieter voice, as if she was afraid just mentioning that would make Katsuki spontaneously combust.Katsuki opened his mouth to protest, but Jirou stopped him before he could start.“All I’m saying”, she added quickly. “Is… No matter how oblivious you are, or how stubborn, or how much you think you care about him”, she gave him a serious look. “He also cares about you. So please… Don’t start another fight with him”, she shook her head. “I don’t think either of you can take it right now”.Katsuki frowned.“Why’d I fight him?”, he asked, genuinely confused.Jirou grimaced. She seemed conflicted, as if she knew something Katsuki didn’t, but then her expression softened.“Because that’s what you two always do”, she shrugged. Katsuki had a feeling that wasn’t the whole truth, but he couldn’t deny she was right. “That’s part of the reason why he wasn’t allowed in yet. They want you to be at the very least able to eat solid food before he can see you. It’s for his mental state, as well as yours”.Katsuki blinked at her. Realizing he wasn’t really understanding what she was saying, Jirou sighed and took a step closer to the bed.“All I’m saying is”, she started again. “Seeing you like that, seeing what happened to you, what Kaminari had to do…”, she shook her head. “It messed us up, Bakugou. Really. I… I’m trying to be strong for you because I know how much you hate it when you think people are patronizing you”, she admitted, emotional. “But this is hard for me. For all of us. We thought you were going to die”.A pregnant pause. Jirou averted her eyes, this time towards the ceiling in an attempt to keep her tears from falling.“We thought you were going to die because of us”, she added, voice shaky. “And I could make you a whole speech on how glad I am you are alive, but I know you’re not that type of person and I know you probably heard it from everyone who’s visited you so far. So I’m going to tell you something you actually need to hear instead”, she lowered her head from the ceiling to look him in the eye. “Don’t be an idiot”.Another pause. Katsuki sustained her gaze.“Because if this is being hard to me, I can’t even imagine how hard it is going to be on Midoriya”.Katsuki let out a soft huff through his nose. This time, he was the one who turned away.“And now you know why he can’t visit, you can stop looking at that door every other ten seconds”, she added, tone lighter.Katsuki blinked in embarrassment. Had he really been doing it that often, without even realizing?“I’m just teasing you, Nitro Brain”, Jirou chuckled when she noticed his reaction, pushing his shoulder lightly. “Wanted to see your face. You get slow when you’re drugged”.Katsuki frowned, because… Well. He wasn’t feeling so drugged anymore. But he was feeling slow. And sluggish. And everything that came with being filled with pain meds all the time. But there was also pain, which confirmed the meds were gone.“But really. Just for good measure, I’m glad you didn’t kick the bucket”, Jirou continued after an awkward pause, clearly trying to diffuse the tension.The worry was still at his brain, but it was slipping away from his attention like sand now that Jirou continued to talk. He tried to mark that non-related-to-drugs-slowness subject as ‘something to discuss later’, but it was hard to concentrate on anything. It was like his thoughts were water on a river – flowing and floating away from his focus unstoppably.“I know”, Katsuki told her sarcastically, trying his best to concentrate on the conversation. “Wha’ would you do without me, right”.“A lot less stress-relief playlists, that’s for sure”, Jirou smirked back.“Tch”, Katsuki smirked.A comfortable silence fell between them.“I think I’ll bring Kaminari back”, Jirou announced after a few moments. “He’s one of the people who need to see you before their guilt becomes spontaneous combustion”, she turned to leave.“How’s”, Katsuki added quickly before she could get too far. “How’s he… doin’?”Jirou stared at him.“I mean, I don’t remember”, he admitted with a shrug, which turned out way more painful than he had expected. Kaminari definitely would have to be his last visit before they hooked him up to the good stuff again. “Aizawa sensei told me what happened, but I don’t know the details”.Jirou bit her lower lip, seeming conflicted.It took longer than he had expected for her to reply.“Aizawa sensei, Ochako, Kaminari and the paramedics went after you”, Jirou stepped closer to the bed again. “He wasn’t supposed to tag along because the structure of the rubble was already unstable enough, but after he kept following them Aizawa sensei let him go with them. We think he… kind of knew that Kami’s quirk could be useful, you know? In case…”An awkward pause.“Anyway. Just after they got to you, your heart stopped. Kaminari followed the paramedics’ instructions and shocked you back to life. I wasn’t there, but everyone said it was pretty… graphic. When the building – uh...”, she swallowed, hesitant. “The, the structure was very compromised and it fell, but you all… got out… safely”.Katsuki nodded solemnly. He tried to imagine what it would feel like to need to climb up Deku’s chest and shock him back to life, and felt nauseous. Kaminari’s situation must have been so much worse than his.“He was pretty shaken up”, Jirou continued, serious. “I mean, we all were. Sero probably told you that yesterday. But, with Kami… It… It was hard for him”.Katsuki looked at her.“I know”.Jirou nodded.“He’s probably embarrassed he cried in front of you. He kept telling me that he wouldn’t cry, but after what he had to do…”Katsuki scoffed.“I’ll just pretend I forgot about it because of the drugs”, he promised.Jirou smirked.“How nice of you”.He rolled his eyes.“What, you prefer I shove it on his face?”Jirou studied him with a fond look. He had been expecting her to offer a sassy retort, but it never came.“I’ll send him back in”, she announced simply, reaching for his shoulder and squeezing it gently. “He’ll want to talk to you before we head back home. You take care of yourself, all right? Don’t do anything stupid”, she advised before stepping away.This time, she reached the doorknob and twisted it before Katsuki called her again.“Oi, Ears?”She turned to look at him.“Yeah?”Katsuki hesitated.“Can you… Can you tell Deku…”He swallowed dry, not sure how to finish that sentence.Tell Deku what? What did he want to say? That he was sorry he was in deep sh@t? That he needed to visit him eventually so that Katsuki could return One For All? That he hadn’t meant to make him worried? That he was sorry those @ssh@l@s wouldn’t let him visit him? Why did he even ask Jirou to do that in the first place?Jirou smiled softly at him, not waiting for him to continue, as if she knew exactly what he needed to say.“I’ll tell him”.Before Katsuki could ask her what she meant, she was gone.He barely had the time to compute her absence before Kaminari was barging into the room again. The boy marched straight back towards Katsuki’s bed without a word and threw himself atop his friend, enveloping him in a careful yet heartfelt hug.“Ouch”, Katsuki said in spite of himself, because no one had touched more than his shoulder ever since he woke up and having so much weight and pressure on his torso, no matter how careful Kaminari was being, sent pain across his whole body, especially now that the medication had run out.Kaminari immediately let go of him at him at his protest, eyes still wet and red and face still blotted. He sniffed, taking a step back and cleaning his nose with the back of his hand. Katsuki noticed for the first time the absolution of how disheveled Kaminari looked.“Sorry”, Kaminari swallowed, clearly awkward. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just – I wanted – I really wanted to do that”, he admitted.Katsuki wanted to scold at him or to give him a mean response, but, again, he could understand where this was coming from. He had already admitted Kaminari’s experience was way worse than his own.“I know, dumbass”, he grumbled, shifting painfully on the bed. “Just – tell me before you do something”.Kaminari’s face sparkled.“You sound better”, he commented. “I mean – you’re no longer slurring so much”.“It’s ‘cause the meds are running out”, Katsuki scoffed, trying to find a more comfortable position on the bed. Kaminari’s face fell.“Oh, no. Do you need me to call –““Don’t – call the nurse”, Katsuki stopped him with a glare, breathing heavily. The pain was becoming more intense with each breath he took, but he knew he needed to talk things out with Kaminari before they sent him back to dreamland. “Let’s talk first”.Kaminari frowned, embarrassed.“Uh, talk? About what?”, he asked, sounding and looking way more nervous than necessary.Katsuki studied his face with suspicion. Why the hell was Kaminari blushing?“You tell me”, he narrowed his eyes. “You’re the one who came back here”.Kaminari’s blush deepened, but relief seemed to overcome his tense shoulders.“Oh”, he sighed, posture slumping a bit. “Oh, I just wanted to see you again before we left. You know. Make sure you’re – doing fine, and all that”.Katsuki frowned.“Why’re you so nervous?”, he couldn’t help but to ask, but his tone came off a bit too aggressive. Kaminari’s eyes widened slightly and he tensed up again.“I’m not”, he said, a bit too defensive. “I’m ok. I’m – I mean. I’m definitely ok, now that I’ve seen you. Jirou must have told you we were all pretty worried”.Katsuki continued to eye him with suspicion, but nodded, relaxing a bit against the pillows.“Yeah. I know”.Kaminari nodded back.An awkward silence fell upon the room. Kaminari kept looking at him with expectance, as if he was waiting for Katsuki to say something.“Well?”, he asked.“Well what?”, Kaminari asked back. Something about his behavior seemed off, but Katsuki couldn’t quite pinpoint it.He sighed, a bit annoyed, but trying his best to be comprehensive. After closing his eyes for a brief moment in an attempt to gather up patience, he met his friend’s eyes again.“I don’t know what you want me to say”, Katsuki explained. “I don’t want you to freak out again”.A bit of the awkwardness in Kaminari’s face disappeared, giving place to a fresh wave of sorrow.“Sorry about that”, he said, lowering his head a bit. “I – I didn’t mean to do that. I had promised myself I wouldn’t do that, but… It’s like you said”, he sighed, meeting Katsuki’s eyes again. He looked like a kicked puppy. “You know how it is”.Katsuki felt a bit guilty for being annoyed at Kaminari. Yeah, he did know how it was.“Yeah”, Katsuki nodded. “But it gets better”.Kaminari looked away.“It’s just –“, he continued a bit more quietly. “I was scared. It sucks to admit it because I’m training to be a hero, d@mn it, I’m not supposed to be scared in a battlefield, but…”He bit his lower lip.“You’re my friend”, he shrugged.Katsuki just stared at him.Kaminari chuckled, as if that was exactly the sort of response he was expecting.“And I didn’t want to lose you”, he completed with another shrug, clearly embarrassed and not meeting Katsuki’s eyes. Kaminari looked like he was about to start weeping, face still a bit red, but he held his ground and maintained his composure. “There were so many things that could have gone wrong, I could have ended up killing you if I used too much power, but I could also kill you if I used too little, and even after it worked, I…"Kaminari trailed off, and Katsuki continued to stare at him. He remembered all those times he was mean to Kaminari, or dismissive, or cold, or aggressive. He remembered all those times he acted like a sh@tty person and a sh@tty friend, even if Kaminari knew how to get to his nerves.He remembered all the times Kaminari was a nice friend, no matter how harshly Katsuki treated him or how mean he was. He remembered Kaminari had an incredible quirk, and could only imagine the level of mastery it must have taken to defibrillate someone.He remembered Kaminari’s blood-covered face, staring down at him with despair in his eyes.“Oi, Dunce Face”, he called when it became evident Kaminari was nowhere close to facing him voluntarily.Kaminari locked eyes with him, uncertain.“You’re my friend, too”, Katsuki continued, because he knew what Kaminari felt like and he knew what he needed to hear to feel at least a little bit better. “And thanks for saving my life or whatever”.Kaminari stared at him with a blank expression before his lips stretched into a wide, bright smile.“Ahh, Kacchan!”, he cheered, diving for another hug. This time, he was extra careful, only enveloping Katsuki’s shoulders and head, but it was still a bit too much for him.(Especially because of that nickname.)“Ok, off, off”, Katsuki commanded after a short while, ignoring the new stab of pain that coursed through his side as he tried to wriggle himself away from Kaminari’s hold. “Let’s agree it’s too early for us to get all touchy”.“Yeah, I suppose it takes around 15 years in order to finally get touching clearance with you, right?”, Kaminari chuckled, but Katsuki frowned.What the hell did he mean by that?“What?”, he asked, confused.Kaminari seemed uncomfortable out of a sudden, as if what he said had just backfired on him. He blushed again and looked away.“Do you…”, he swallowed. “Do you remember anything? After the building fell?”, he asked, scratching the back of his head.Katsuki frowned.“Just flashes”, he admitted. “Why?”Kaminari’s whole posture sagged in relief, a smile dawning on his face.“Uh… Nothing! Nothing. What I said, uh… It was just a… joke?”, he tried. His tone was lighthearted, but Katsuki could tell there was something off about the “joke”. Especially because of the question Kaminari asked him before claiming that. “Ain’t jokes supposed to be funny?”, Katsuki asked, suspicious. Kaminari gave him a nervous look and took a step away from the bed.“Well, it was a poor choice of – of words”, he tried to defend himself.Katsuki wanted to protest and tell the @ssh@l@ to just speak his d@mn mind, but before he could, he grimaced in pain at a new stab at his side. G@dd@mn impalement injury. G@dd@mn slow recovery.“Hey, you… You ok there?” Kaminari approached him again, frowning in concern. “Are you in pain?”Katsuki gritted his teeth. He didn’t want to have to admit it aloud. If this was Jirou, she would already be calling the nurses without him having to say a word, but since this was Dunce Face… Katsuki would have no such luck.“I’m fine”, he groaned, jaw locked. “Just the painkillers wearin’ off”.“Oh”, Kaminari said. “Oh, ok, I’ve got you. I’m about to head out anyway, and you need to rest. I’ll go call the nurse”.“You don’t have to”, Katsuki protested.“I think I do –““No, you don’t have to go out”, Katsuki rolled his eyes. “You can j’st press the buzzer”.Kaminari blinked at him.“Oh”, he blushed. “Ok”, he said, reaching out for the buzzer and pressing it.Katsuki knew that as soon as he received his new dose, we would get even more groggy and slow, until he fell asleep unexpectedly. That meant he only had a few moments left with Kaminari.“Are m’ parents still here?”, he asked through gritted teeth, choosing not to comment on the way Kaminari was holding his shoulder in an attempt to offer comfort.“Uh, I think so, yeah”, Kaminari nodded. “They only let three people in at the same time, so they have to leave for us to visit you. They’ll probably come in after I leave and stay until visiting hours are over”.Katsuki groaned and nodded in acknowledgement.“What about Aizawa sensei and All Might?”, he asked, at the same time a nurse rushed into the room.“Time for your meds, right, dear?”, she offered sweetly, which made Katsuki p@ss@d. He hated the fake gentleness in those nurses’ tones. He was too uncomfortable to make a snarky comment on that, though, so he simply nodded and tried his best to relax against the pillows.“I haven’t seen them around”, Kaminari answered his question while the nurse fiddled with his IV. “At least not since the investigation thing was declared over”.“There you go”, the nurse said, offering him a smile. “Don’t worry, dear. You were in two very complicated surgeries. It’s normal for you to be in pain, but soon enough it will be over, ok? You’re healing well”.For some reason, that made Katsuki feel a tiny bit better. It took him a while to understand why.
  The only reason why he didn’t come here yet is because the medical staff wants you to get better before he sees you.
Pff. That was stupid.“Call again if you need anything, all right?”, the nurse offered him, but before he could even respond – which he wasn’t really planning to do –, she turned to Kaminari. “He’s about to start feeling pretty groggy, so maybe you should let him rest for a bit”.Kaminari nodded politely, bowing.“Thank you, miss”.“You’re welcome, dear”, she bowed back.And with that, she was gone from the room.Kaminari stepped closer to him again, studying his face. Katsuki wasn’t feeling the effect of his new round of meds just yet, but he did feel tired. No matter how much he hated it.“How is it?”, Kaminari asked him, curious and worried.“Hasn’t kicked in yet”, Katsuki huffed, closing his eyes. “Takes a while”.“Hm”, Kaminari hummed. “I think… I’d better get going, then. It was nice seeing you, Bakubro”.Katsuki groaned.“Told ya not to call me that”.“Well”, Kaminari shrugged. “Old habits die hard”.Like me, he thought with a scoff. His eyes drooped closed out of their own volition.“But really”, Kaminari added awkwardly. Katsuki reopened his eyes to look at him. “I’m glad I got to talk to you”.Katsuki gave him an amused huff as a response.“I’m also glad to see this near-death experience didn’t make you less grumpy at all”, he added with a smirk. “Nice to see you haven’t changed, man”.“Shut up”, Katsuki rolled his eyes, but there was the hint of a smirk on his face as well.Kaminari remained by his side, even though he had announced his intention to leave. When he didn’t move for a while, Katsuki looked at him again.“What’re you still doin’ here?”, he asked, his jesting coming off a bit too abrupt.Kaminari hesitated, not taking offense in his words or his tone.“Why did you ask about Aizawa sensei?”, he questioned eventually, curious.Katsuki rolled his eyes as a way to hide his discomfort. Truth was, he was well aware his last encounter with the teacher hadn’t gone all that well, and he didn’t want things to be awkward between him and Aizawa sensei because of the nightmare thing. Or better: he didn’t want Aizawa sensei to think he was f@ck@d up in the head or something like that.But he couldn’t let Kaminari know that. He wasn’t even sure Kaminari knew about the nightmare, and, if he didn’t, explaining the whole thing would only make things more awkward.“I wan’ed to talk t’ him”, Katsuki said, hating how quick his tongue was starting to become sluggish. “Bu’ I don’ wan’ an’more visitors”, he ended up adding, and only realized the truth behind the words once they were pronounced aloud.Kaminari frowned at him.“No more visitors?”, he asked for confirmation.“No’ whil' I’m like th’s”, Katsuki sighed, eyes closing. “J’st m’ parents. And sensei. ‘t least ‘til I’m back at UA”.Katsuki couldn’t see Kaminari’s reaction, since his eyes were closed, but he could practically sense the worry emanating from him.“… Not even Midoriya?”, he asked, voice quiet.Katsuki huffed.“Y’ said he’ll only b’ allowed in when ‘m well”, Katsuki pointed out. Or had it been Jirou who said that? He could no longer remember.“Well, yeah”, Kaminari shrugged. “But that’s just because they’re afraid you’ll end up fighting and you’ll make yourself worse. Or that seeing you while you’re still unwell will make Midoriya freak out”.Katsuki frowned. That made a bit of sense, and he definitely didn’t want Deku to see him all drugged up and weak. He didn’t want his other friends to see him like that, either, but he didn’t really have a say on it, did he.He did now.At the same time he didn’t want Deku to see him… He wanted to see Deku. He didn’t know why that desire was so strong within him, or why it only ever appeared when he was high. But it was there, now. He could feel it. A longing, of sorts. A sentiment difficult to explain or to describe, a melancholic longing that burned deep within him, like a part of him was missing. He remembered seeing a word once, an untranslatable word that described exactly what he felt but couldn’t explain.
  Saudade.
“Hey, dude”, Kaminari called from beside him, and Katsuki realized he was almost gone, almost falling asleep again. “You still awake?”He wouldn’t last long. He wouldn’t… He was about to fall asleep. And he needed to see someone…“J’st tell Aizawa sensei ‘m sorry”, he mumbled.“For what?!”, Kaminari asked, sounding exasperated and surprised.Katsuki decided to give into sleep instead of putting an effort on explaining.      When he woke up again, it was night. There was no one there with him.Katsuki sighed, throwing his head back against the pillows. He made a quick assessment of his pain, and found that his side wasn’t aching so bad. Maybe it was the painkillers, maybe he was finally healing. Whatever was the answer to that question, he decided he wasn’t about to complain.He still felt so tired, though. And thirsty.He had been thirsty back at his friends’ visit, but while he was a little less worried about his pride, he still valued it enough to not want his friends to feed him ice chips. Just the thought of it was mortifying.Also, he had just woken up after what must have been hours of sleep, and yet he still felt like he was ready for more. Ready to indulge into that blissful blackness and just forget about his pain and the state he was in for a while. That wasn’t characteristic of him, but maybe the meds were sending him beyond the point of caring.He couldn’t help but to find himself staring at the closed door of his room, longing. From the glass wall, he could see a couple nurses working the night shift, and the overall very calm hospital floor. Soft dark-blue lights sent the whole place into a calm, peaceful hue, but Katsuki didn’t want blue. He wanted green.Now that he was a bit more sober and a bit less in pain, he could understand why Deku hadn’t visited him yet. Well, he could try. First, he hadn’t been allowed to because of the investigation, and then, once that was over, he wasn’t allowed to because of the fact that every single person who knew them also knew how prone they were to get into fights with each other. And to be very honest, for the first time in his whole life – Katsuki didn’t feel like getting into a fight. Most of all, he didn’t feel like getting into a fight with Deku.He sighed. He hated that he was too tired to feel p@ss@d at himself for his own lethargy.Maybe he’d feel a bit more like himself once he was off these meds and off this sh@tty bed. Truth be told, he couldn’t wait to go back to his normal routine and go on about his life and his dream of building a fantastic career.He had a feeling that wouldn’t happen, though.Not the career thing. He had determined that, since the whole strangling thing had been a dream, the part where he lost his quirk was also coming from his imagination. He couldn’t really use his quirk and prove it, since his arms were still enveloped in casts and bandages, but he was fairly sure that his quirk was ok and that the nightmare was just a reflex of his panicked brain. No, he meant the going-back-to-his-normal-routine thing.It was evident the nurses who visited were being very reticent about his state. He hadn’t even met his doctor, which was weird as f@ck, considering the fact that he was here for what, over a week now? Someone other than his parents or teachers or friends should have stepped in to explain his condition.Suddenly, a spike of anxiety hit him. Why hadn’t his doctor shown up? What were they hiding from him?Was he still dying? Nah. Despite the excruciating pain he still felt sometimes, the tiredness and the sluggishness, he didn’t feel like he was dying. He wasn’t sure how he knew that, because he couldn’t remember what dying felt like, but he just… knew.So what, then? Were there complications to his health? Was he incapacitated in some way? Would his recovery last longer than he had anticipated?… Would he ever make a full recovery?Maybe he wouldn’t. Maybe that was why Recovery Girl hadn’t shown up to heal his arms yet. Maybe that was the real reason they were keeping Deku away. Because they knew that if there was one thing the f@ck@r was incapable of doing, that thing was keeping a secret from him. Katsuki might have spent a good deal of his life hating the guy’s guts, but even back then, he knew as much. Hell, Deku had been chosen as All Might’s f@ck@ng heir and he hadn’t been able to keep that from Katsuki.F@ck. That was it, wasn’t it? This injury or whatever had been way too serious and he wouldn’t be able to become a hero. And maybe his quirk really was gone, and his brain hadn’t been playing tricks on him – it had been letting him know. He was being compared to All Might before his career had even begun, and he would already be forgotten before he could even graduate. His life-long dream would go down the drain because some idiots with a grudge had to kidnap a bunch of people and have a bomb with them. God d@mn it.Katsuki didn’t care how heroic people thought he was. How great, how amazing, how astounding. All he cared about was the fact there was something wrong, something terrible about to happen to his future, and all he could do was lie in a hospital bed all alone, too incapacitated to even press the buzzer and call a d@mn nurse for help because both his arms were being held in casts.He wished at least Aizawa was there. Or maybe even All Might – he would take what he could f@ck@ng get, really. The one he really wanted was Deku, but they couldn’t see each other yet. If anything, Katsuki didn’t want Deku to see him like that, all weak and casted-up in a bed, unable to even take a p@ss by himself – unable to – to breathe.He couldn’t breathe. There was nothing blocking his airway, but the panic was making him hyperventilate. He was losing it. There was something wrong with his quirk. There was something wrong with his body. Something terrible was about to happen, someone was about to give him terrible news, his future was about to change and be stripped away from him –Suddenly the door to his room opened, and Katsuki’s heart made another leap. Aizawa was rushing towards him, which was suspicious as f@ck since he had just wished for the man to be there. Was this another figment of his imagination?Maybe it was. Maybe it was a hallucination. Maybe this was a villain who could read minds, or who could sense a person’s wish. Maybe this was an invader. Why the f@ck would his teacher be there in the middle of the night? How convenient was that? How suspicious was that? And he couldn’t even defend himself –Aizawa marched towards him, sitting at the edge of his bed but being very careful not to touch him. And what the hell would he do to him? Would he sedate him, so he could fulfil his evil doppelganger goals? Would he kill him? He would kill him, right? That was what this Eraserhead double was going to do. He would kill Katsuki, and then his hero career would be over for good, terminated before it had even started, and ending with him in All Might’s shadow –“Bakugou”, Aizawa called, serious. “You have to breathe”.It felt like emerging from deep water. Suddenly, the frantic beeping of his own heart monitor flooded his impaired ears. It didn’t take him too long to notice the erratic, rushed pattern of his breathing again, which was coming out as deaf puffs. His heart was beating so fast inside his chest it felt like it was about to burst out of his ribcage; black spots were dancing in front of his eyes.“Breathe, Katsuki”, Aizawa instructed again, uncharacteristically urgent.Katsuki’s moist eyes found his teacher’s, and even if they looked sincerely worried, Katsuki still didn’t buy it.“Sir –“, a voice came from the door, and Katsuki’s eyes frantically searched the room until he found a hesitating nurse by the doorstep. She looked like she needed to come in, but Aizawa held an authoritative hand stretched out towards her, silently telling her to stay where she was.“You’ll make it worse”, Aizawa said, eyes still fixed on the hyperventilating Katsuki. “It’s a panic attack. I’ve got this”.
  It’s not a panic attack he’s trying to poison me and kill me can’t you see you idiot just march in here and drag him away from me before I die for good –
“Ok”, the nurse nodded, and no no no what the f@ck are you doing come back, “But I’ll be back in a few to make sure he’s all right”.Katsuki squeezed his eyes shut, feeling – with shame and mortification – as hot tears popped out his closed eyes and slid down his temples. He needed to get out of this. He couldn’t defend himself. Maybe if he set off an explosion, even with a broken arm, it would tear the cast apart and give him back his mobility – but what if his quirk was gone for good – what then –“Bakugou”, Aizawa called. “Look at me”.Katsuki didn’t want to. But if he kept this up, he would pass out, and then he would be completely defenseless and at this guy’s mercy. He tried holding his breath for a moment before sucking in another a lungful of air. Then he did it again – held his breath, breathed out, breathed in. Held his breath, breathed out, breathed in.And again. And again. And again.Nothing happened. Aizawa didn’t kill him, no one attacked him, he wasn’t suddenly murdered by an impostor. The only thing that changed was that he could breathe again, and that was good.Slowly, he reopened his eyes, finding his teacher’s concerned gaze still glued to him. His breaths were still coming out as panting, but he could see more clearly now – and think more clearly, too.“It’s ok”, Aizawa said, and even though his words were comforting, his tone was still somehow strict – maybe this was a result of years of teaching a bunch of annoying teenagers. “It’s just me here with you. I’m not going to hurt you. I’m your teacher. I’m here to help”.Despite hating being treated like a child or a lunatic, Katsuki’s shoulders relaxed the tiniest bit. But his glistening eyes probably betrayed the suspicion he still felt. Noticing this, Aizawa sighed.“Kaminari gave me your message”, he explained, and ok, that was a bit of a proof that this was actually his teacher. Katsuki relaxed a bit more, but not completely.An eternity of silence seemed to pass after that, with Katsuki breathing erratically until the pattern started to go back to normal and Aizawa sitting there by his side without ever touching him, as if he was sure the boy would start to panic if they as much as bumped accidentally. Once Katsuki’s heart monitor went back to registering an acceptable pace, Aizawa finally relaxed, standing up from the bed but remaining by Katsuki’s side.Katsuki refused to meet his teacher’s eyes, too embarrassed by the fact that this was the second breakdown the man had witnessed. What kind of image was he giving off to the man who was supposed to give him his hero license and diploma?With a sigh, Aizawa walked around the bed and towards the uncomfortable-looking plastic chair by the corner of the room. He grabbed it and dragged it closer to the bed, taking a sit beside Katsuki like he used to do before the nightmare. The boy continued to stare up at the ceiling, avoiding eye contact.What a f@ck@ng weakling he had become, huh? Was this the person he was, now? Someone who freaked out all the time, who shat themselves because of imaginary threats? Who couldn’t tell reality and fantasy apart? What kind of hero would he make, then? What if he hurt a civilian because he thought they were a villain? What if he didn’t hurt a villain because he thought they were a civilian?Before all this sh@t, he was always sure of himself, he always trusted his guts and his ability. He never felt doubt when it came to his own perception. But now? Now he couldn’t even tell if his d@mn teacher was actually his teacher. And he didn’t know what the hell was happening to him.Actually, he didn’t even know what the hell Aizawa was doing there, in the middle of the g@dd@mn night.“What are you doing here?”, Katsuki asked, feeling more sober than he had felt in days. He was pretty sure his pain meds were up-to-date, but he could, for once, think clearly and rationally, with no fog to confuse his brain.He could tell Aizawa was looking at him, but he couldn’t bring himself to look back, even if the room was majorly dark. The only source of dim illumination was coming from the hall outside, painting the walls dark neon blue.Aizawa sighed.“Kaminari gave me your message –““You said that”, Katsuki interrupted him, rather impolitely. “So you decided to come over in the middle of the night because of that? Tch”.A pause. He finally turned his head to look at his teacher – more out of instinct than anything else.It was Aizawa who averted his eyes this time, leaning forwards on the chair so that his knees were supporting his elbows. He was gazing at the floor.“I’ve been coming over every day, actually. But I usually stay outside”.Katsuki frowned. He hadn’t seen that coming.“What? Why?”, he asked, confused and suspicious.Aizawa sighed again, apparently gathering up courage to address an uncomfortable subject.“I didn’t want to make you feel threatened or unsafe”, he admitted, managing to sound as stern as always. “But I’d still rather make sure no one would give you actual reason to feel that way”.Katsuki squinted his eyes. Why would he feel threatened by his d@mn teacher?But as soon as that question appeared in his brain, his heart provided the answer. He had felt threatened. Not by Aizawa per say, but by the chance that he was someone else posing as him. Or by the chance that he was under some sort of control or manipulation, as had been the case in his dream.He felt shame rise to his cheeks in the form of a blush as he stared at his teacher’s grim face. There wasn’t guilt or shame in there – but rather some sort of concern, as if he knew that he was causing Katsuki distress but didn’t know how to fix it.Katsuki didn’t know how to fix it, either. He didn’t even know why his teacher was causing him to react in that way in the first place.“It’s not – you”, he tried to explain.Aizawa raised his head to stare at him, his face the picture of attention. He still remained as serious as ever, making him look as if they were in the classroom, and as if he was about to evaluate one of Katsuki’s mid-term seminars.“I mean. I know you have no reason to hurt me or whatever”, Katsuki continued, feeling a bit embarrassed and out of his depth. He still managed to put on a tough façade, even if he felt exhausted from the so-called ‘panic attack’ from just moments ago. “But when I had that dream, you were being controlled. By that villain from the expo”.Aizawa just stared at him for a moment, before nodding.“Did you think I was being controlled when I tried to help you now, too?”, he asked, surgical.Katsuki’s jaw tightened. He didn’t want to admit this, because he didn’t want his teacher, the man who would determine if he could become a hero or not, to think he was a basket case. But something told him that even if he lied, Aizawa would know the truth, and trying to hide it would only make things worse.“Yeah. Or maybe that you were a double”, he admitted, looking away again. “I couldn’t tell why you were here in the middle of the d@mn night”, he added a bit angrily, glaring at the ceiling above him. Maybe that would earn him some coherence points.From the corners of his eyes, he could see Aizawa nod again.“And does that happen often?”Katsuki frowned.“What?”“This feeling that villains are about to attack you all the time, in the form of someone you know or maybe controlling someone you know”.Katsuki scoffed.“Tch”, was all he said, all he could say. For some reason, his teacher’s question bothered him – like throwing salt over an open wound.“Bakugou –““I’m not a nutcase”, he snapped, maybe a bit too harshly. Aizawa narrowed his eyes at him, and Katsuki turned his head to face him again. “I’m not f@ck@ng crazy, or paranoid, or whatever it is you’re thinking”.Aizawa stared at him, serious.“I’m not thinking any of that”, he said simply, calmly. “I just wanted to know”.Katsuki turned his head again, glaring at the ceiling.Aizawa sighed, sounding defeated.A few more moments of silence passed, but Katsuki was too tense to go back to sleep. His pain wasn’t so bad, now, so he couldn’t tell if he was actually healing or if the painkillers were still making him senseless to that. Whatever was the answer, he decided not to think too much about that – lest he freak out in front of his teacher yet again, which was the reason Aizawa had to enter his room that night in the first place.“How’s your pain?”, Aizawa asked, which made Katsuki even more irritated – that was precisely the subject he didn’t want to talk about. But he didn’t have the option of not responding, either. He sighed.“Better”, he said shortly. “I’m not feeling anything right now”.Aizawa hummed in understanding.More silence in the room.“I want to ask you something”, Aizawa announced after a while, as if asking him things hadn’t been his sole purpose ever since he arrived.Katsuki turned his head to look at him, saying nothing but indicating he could continue. Might as well get this over with already.“Why did you want Kaminari to tell me you were sorry?”, his teacher asked.Katsuki blinked at him before turning his head and staring at the ceiling for a few more moments.“You didn’t visit again after that day”, he admitted. Deep down, he was hating that he was being forced to open up, but he knew that explaining his side of things was better than having his teacher think he was crazy. “So I thought you were, I don’t know. P@ss@d, or something”.“Why would I be?”, Aizawa asked, and Katsuki let out a long, exasperated sigh. So much for one f@ck@ng question, eh?“What are you, my therapist?”, he snapped angrily. Fine, he wanted to prove his sanity to his teacher, but couldn’t he stop prying for one second and just accept his word? God.Katsuki turned his head again to look at him, hoping he’d get the hint from his expression. It didn’t work, and Aizawa continued to stare at him in expectance for an answer.“I know I freaked you out because of the nightmare”, Katsuki forced himself to say. “But that’s what it was. Just a nightmare. It’s not a big deal, but since you stopped coming, I thought it had bothered you somehow”.“But you said ‘I’m sorry’”, Aizawa pointed out. “And that’s not very usual, coming from you”.“Yeah, so what?”, he huffed.“So I was worried there was something else behind that apology”.Silence. Katsuki swallowed dry.He breathed out hard, hating that his teacher was right.“I… Know that what happened must have been…”, he said through gritted teeth. “Troublesome”.Aizawa nodded.“But I was just trying to help everyone. We couldn’t tell if that Matsuo b@st@rd would get to the police and the pros in time, and they were – they were literally trying to brainwash the whole country. I couldn’t just stand there and do nothing, license or no license”.Aizawa nodded again.“I’m aware”.“But the bomb should have never gone off. I didn’t know there was more. None of us did, and by the time we found out, it was too late. We thought just restraining all of them and waiting for the pros was the best course of action. I was…”, he tightened his jaw in anger. “I was naïve”.Aizawa didn’t nod this time – he just stared at Katsuki.More silence fell between them. Once he figured out Aizawa wasn’t about to break it, Katsuki looked away again, not knowing what else to say.“You know”, his teacher started eventually – as if he had just been waiting for Katsuki to break eye contact before he spoke up. “Everyone was very worried about you”.Katsuki suppressed the urge to roll his eyes.“Yeah. That’s all I’ve been hearing, lately”, he admitted, a bit p@ss@d. He was kind of glad to know so many people cared about him despite his tough personality, but frankly – they didn’t need to. He wasn’t some weak-ass damsel in distress, he was strong, for f@ck’s sake. Wasn’t the fact that he had survived proof enough of that?“As a teacher in a hero school, I’m aware of the dangers my students face day-to-day”, the man continued, somber. “But it’s never easy to see them hurt. It’s never easy to see them die”.Katsuki blinked, still avoiding eye contact.“You don’t have to apologize for doing what you did. You didn’t have a license, which is… troublesome, like you said. This also isn’t your first time getting into a problematic situation as this. But if you’re worried about expulsion or losing your license, you can rest assured that won’t happen”.Katsuki risked taking a peek at Aizawa.“The investigation concluded that this was an uncommon situation, with uncommon circumstances and a bomb threat. Time was of essence, and you had little to no certain means of contacting the pros or the police. Also, eyewitnesses testified that none of you used your quirks as a direct means of hurting or combating the villains, which means that, technically, you didn’t break any laws”.Katsuki’s shoulders sagged a bit in relief, and only then did he notice they were tense.Maybe that had been the reason why he couldn’t use his quirk in his dream. His brain had turned his fear of expulsion and loss of career into something metaphorical, such as being unable to use his explosions – which would happen if he didn’t have a license.“But I have to warn you, Bakugou”, Aizawa continued, tone grimmer. “People don’t like the attention you’ve been getting. First, the kidnapping with the League, then, the incident in the sewers, now, the situation with the expo… There will be eyes on you, more than ever and harsher than ever. And they might not be so lenient if you pull off something like this another time”.Katsuki’s lips closed to form a thin, stern line. He looked as serious as Aizawa.“No one enjoys precocious greatness. Not your enemies, not your friends. Greatness means challenge, challenge means conflict. Even though you are training to be a hero, I can guarantee you want to leave the conflict for when you are graduated, employed, and emotionally stable”.Katsuki suppressed a scoff, frowning instead.“I can take it”, he protested, and Aizawa shook his head as if that was exactly the answer he had been expecting.“Yes, I’m aware. I’m also aware you could have died, so maybe stay away from trouble for a while, trouble kid”, he retorted, sounding a bit irritated.Katsuki swallowed dry, silent and half-scowling.Aizawa sighed again.“All I’m saying is”, he continued, sounding more collected. “I won’t always be able to stand up for you. Neither will UA. And if something like this happens again…”, he trailed off for a moment. “There are no guarantees you’ll be able to stay in this path”.Katsuki’s frown deepened, heart speeding up a bit.“What are you saying?”Aizawa stared at him, stern.“I’m saying that if I were you, I would lay low and keep it to myself for a while. Let people forget about me. Pray that people won’t compare me to All Might at age 17 and that this won’t send more and more villains after me before I even graduate”, he said sharply.Katsuki frowned. He had never heard Aizawa, the usually “I’m-going-to-speak-in-a-monotone-even-when-I’m-scolding-you” teacher, sound so… sarcastic? Something about it didn’t sit right with him, but before he could freak out about doppelgangers or mind control again, Katsuki found himself asking:“What is this really about?”And with that, Aizawa deflated, shoulders sagging and head falling in defeat, as if he was too tired to keep up with that angry-teacher act.Katsuki stared. It took the man a while to finally respond, and when he did, his head was still hanging low.“Let’s just say seeing you get buried in rubble and almost die didn’t sit right with me, trouble kid”, he admitted, voice back to the usual monotone.Katsuki continued to stare at him, but his teacher didn’t move from that mournful position. His voice had sounded normal – it didn’t shake, or tremble, or even falter. But there was something about his tone – something about the way he said those words. It was heavy, and grim.“Is that…”, Katsuki tried, swallowing dry. He felt uncharacteristically hesitant, especially if this was a personal issue to his teacher, but the words just formed themselves around his tongue out of their own free will. “Is that why you’ve been coming over every night?”A pregnant pause. Aizawa didn’t move, head still lowered.“You have potential, Bakugou”, he settled for saying. “A lot of it. Don’t throw it in the trash because you’re in a hurry to be grand. You have to be careful. Greatness will come to you when it’s time, and when you earn it”.Aizawa raised his head to stare at him. There was nothing unnatural about his face – no trace of tears, of sorrow, of emotion. Despite that, for some reason, Katsuki could tell his teacher was grieving.“Just keep training and improving”, Aizawa concluded. “Don’t put the cart before the horse”.Katsuki stared at him. Even if he wanted to argue, he had to admit he had hated to know he was being called “the new All Might”. Maybe he had hated it for the wrong reasons, but he had hated it anyway. His teacher’s suggestion – to lay low after three consecutive disasters that could have resulted in death and tragedy – didn’t sound so far off.Finally, he nodded. Like a student obeying his sensei’s orders.“Hai”.Aizawa seemed a bit relieved, even if he didn’t look all that convinced. Katsuki watched him with attentive eyes as the man leaned back against the chair’s rest, looking like he was ready to spend the rest of the night there. Even if he was still a bit on the edge… He found that he didn’t mind.“You don’t have to stay”, he ended up saying anyway, the desire to look strong still etched in his heart. “I’m fine”.Aizawa eyed him.“I know you are”, he nodded, sincere. “But since I’m already here, I might as well. If you don’t mind, of course”.Katsuki nodded, looking away.He felt tired, but he still wasn’t ready to sleep. There was something still bothering him. Well, a lot of things, actually, and his mind was too caught up trying to process everything to actually find enough peace to sleep.His eyes averted to the door, in spite of himself. It was closed, as expected, and he felt stupid for hoping it wouldn’t be. It was the middle of the night. And he knew very well the limitations of who could visit him in his deathbed.Aizawa must have noticed he was gazing at the door, because he said:“So they told you about Midoriya?”Katsuki stared at the door for another second before turning his head towards Aizawa again. He had to admit he didn’t particularly enjoy how easily his teacher seemed to have figured out what he was thinking.“What about him?”, he asked, defensive.Aizawa studied his face.“He’s not allowed to visit you. Not until you’re better, anyway”.Katsuki scoffed.“Yeah. I heard”.“And does that make you angry?”Katsuki blinked, looking away.He thought for a while.“No”, he admitted with sincerity. “But I want to see the nerd”.Aizawa sighed.“I was the one who prohibited it. And All Might agreed with the decision, even if Midoriya has been wearing him out over it on a daily basis”.Katsuki frowned, glaring at his teacher. Aizawa didn’t seem impressed by the sudden change of behavior.“Are you angry now?”, he asked, curious.Katsuki scoffed.“Well, yeah”, he admitted.Aizawa shifted on the chair, trying to find a more comfortable position and looking untroubled by Katsuki’s anger.“I know how you two are around each other. And you are in no state to see him, not while you’re still recovering. It might set you back”.Katsuki scoffed again, offended.“It won’t set me back”, he protested. “What, you really think Deku will be insensitive enough to start a fight with me while I’m in a –““It’s not him I’m worried about”, Aizawa cut him off. “I know he won’t be the one to start the fight”.Katsuki narrowed his eyes.“Why would I fight Deku?”, he asked with disdain.“Why wouldn’t you?”, Aizawa retorted with ease. “You two are always at each other’s throats when left unsupervised. Actually, even when you are supervised –““Yeah, but I wouldn’t do it now”, Katsuki interrupted him before he could finish that sentence.Aizawa stared at him, skepticism evident in his tired eyes.“And why is that?”“Tch. Because I can’t wait to get the hell away from this hospital”, Katsuki retorted. “And fighting Deku will only make me stay here longer”.“If that is the case, then you can wait a while longer before you see him”, Aizawa shrugged simply. “Recovery Girl is coming over in a few days to heal your arms, and then you’ll be transferred back to UA. There, you can talk to Midoriya”.Katsuki’s mouth opened and closed. He hadn’t seen that coming.“You’ll still have to stay at UA’s medbay for a while, for observation”, Aizawa concluded. “Recovery Girl managed to heal the worst of it, but you’re still recovering from your injury. It might take a while. But once you’re back in school grounds, I’ll allow you two to talk”.Katsuki stared at his teacher. Now that he knew how long it would be before he could see and talk to Deku, it felt stupid – and perhaps even childish – to keep insisting on the matter.  He didn’t know why the lack of Deku by his bedside had bothered him so much, or why he was so eager to see the nerd, but the promise that he would be able to talk to him on just a few days was… well. It was something.“If it’s any consolation, he’s as desperate to see you as you are desperate to see him”, Aizawa concluded.Katsuki felt the blood rising to his cheeks, and clicked his tongue.“I’m not desperate to see him”, he protested, but the words were halfhearted even to his own ears.Aizawa simply directed him a look that was full of skepticism. Katsuki rolled his eyes, knowing it wouldn’t be useful to argue.“Did Kaminari tell you everything?”“Hm?”“About me not wanting visitors until I’m back at UA”.Aizawa stared at him.“He did. Consider your request done”.Katsuki blinked.“Really?”“Well, yes”, Aizawa said simply. “There’s no reason to force you to take visitors when you don’t want them. The priority here is your recovery. The only ones allowed in will be your parents, me, and All Might, if that’s ok”.Katsuki thought for a moment.“Yeah. That’s ok”.(Katsuki was glad he didn’t have to argue more for his request to be accepted. He was pretty sure that ‘I keep hoping that Deku is here whenever someone visits and finding that he isn’t p@ss@s me off’ wouldn’t count as a proper excuse).Aizawa nodded.“You should get some rest, now”, he advised.His tone was dismissive and left no space for an argument. Maybe he had read the tiredness that was etched in Katsuki’s face, even if he was still too frantic to sleep – maybe he, himself, was too tired, and wanted Katsuki to give him a rest. Whatever the answer was, Katsuki decided to comply, but not before he addressed one last thing that was bothering him.“… Sensei?”, he asked.“Yes?”, Aizawa responded.Katsuki swallowed dry.“It wasn’t just about me, was it?”, he asked.Aizawa stared at him, confused.“You said that seeing me almost die buried beneath rubble didn’t sit right with you”, he explained. “But I don’t think it was just about me”.Aizawa looked away, a flash of anger crossing his eyes before they went back to looking impassive. He seemed very uncomfortable, out of a sudden. Katsuki was nearly regretting the unusual prying, but then his teacher answered.“I lost someone like that”, Aizawa admitted. “Someone dear to me. I had promised myself never to let it happen again, and I almost failed”.Katsuki stared at him, trying to figure out what to say. It was no surprise that he sucked at comforting people, but, for some strange reason, he could empathize with his teacher, in a similar way to how he had empathized with Kaminari. He knew what it felt like, to lose someone close. Someone… Someone… dear. The feeling of empathy was one completely alien to him, but he… He knew how much these situations sucked.“I’m sorry”, he settled for saying, even if the words sounded forced and alien, coming from his mouth.Aizawa gave him a weird look, as if he was thinking exactly that.“I know”, Katsuki said before his teacher could comment. “But I… Didn’t mean to put you in that position. And I survived, so you don’t have to worry anymore”.Aizawa snorted, the tiny – and frankly creepy – hint of a smirk appearing on his lips.“I’ll always worry about my students”.Katsuki rolled his eyes. That was cheesy.“Yeah, but what I mean is, you don’t have to keep coming over during the night or something. I’ll be ok”.Aizawa gave him another uncomfortable look, before staring at the distance.“I’d rather be safe than sorry”, he said, rather grimly.Katsuki frowned. Something told him there was something else behind that story, something darker. But he knew better than to keep prying, especially because of the way Aizawa’s eyes looked.Instead, he turned his head away again, ready to go back to sleep. A soft knock echoed in the door, and soon enough a nurse was pushing it open just a bit, poking her head inside and taking a glimpse at Katsuki and Aizawa. With a nod from the man, she came in, ready to check on Katsuki after his freak out.She asked him a couple questions about how he was faring up, if he needed anything, yadda, yadda, yadda, but he only answered the basic and made sure to let her know he was ok. With a satisfied nod from her and a final check of the equipment attached to him, she left, leaving Katsuki alone with his teacher once again.“I can stay outside, if you want”, Aizawa offered.Katsuki didn’t look at him.“It’s ok. I mean, you can leave, if you want”.“I’m not leaving”.Katsuki sighed.“Then you can stay here. I won’t freak out again”.It was Aizawa’s turn to sigh.“That wasn’t a freak out, Bakugou. It was a –““Don’t say it”.A pause.“It was a panic attack”, Aizawa finished anyway. “And trust me, they’re more common amongst heroes than you’d think”.Katsuki eyed him.“Do you have them?”, he ended up asking, despite feeling like the question was crossing a line.Aizawa hesitated, but his eyes didn’t leave Katsuki’s.“Sometimes”.Katsuki swallowed.“And what do you do?”Aizawa continued to stare at him deeply.“I try to ground myself. Find out what might be causing it, even if sometimes, there is no trigger. Control my breathing. Sensory recalibration. I’m sure your therapist will know something that can help you specifically. It works differently with everyone. But it’s no reason for shame”.Katsuki scoffed with a bit of incredulity, breaking eye contact and looking away.“It isn’t”, Aizawa insisted. “It’s a sign there’s still humanity in you, despite everything you might have gone through”.Yeah, pretty words. Katsuki wasn’t so sure he wanted there to be any sort of humanity inside him, though, not when it made him feel like he was drowning and having a heart attack, all at the same time. For what felt like the thousandth time, he wished he could go back to feeling just one emotion.It wasn’t like he had been happier back then, but at least he didn’t have to deal with panic attacks that made his face numb and his heart race.But then he thought back at the secret feeling of belonging when he saw his surprise birthday party, of the warm feeling that blossomed in his chest whenever Deku praised him or laughed at something he said. He thought of his mom caressing his hair, and of Inko’s warm hugs. His dad’s comprehension, Aizawa’s unyielding faith in his potential, Jirou’s playlists, Mina’s photos, Kirishima’s fist bumps, Kaminari and Sero’s teasing.He thought of the feeling of Deku hugging him.He thought of the fear he had felt when he saw the bombs in the auditorium. He thought of how that fear had sent his brain into crisis-averter mode, allowing him to think quickly enough in order to save everybody else’s lives. His anger had saved Japan from mind-control, that was true, but his fear had saved his friends' lives.He wasn’t so sure he would have succeeded if all this had happened a year before.So yeah, maybe being a bit more human wasn’t so bad. Maybe… Maybe it could even help his career.He only wished it didn’t hurt so much.He ended up drifting off, falling into an easier sleep now that he knew there was someone he trusted watching over him. For once, feeling embarrassed or weak because of it didn’t even cross his mind.      When Katsuki woke up, Aizawa was gone. It was morning, and he was alone again.      Izuku remembered.Kacchan’s head lolled to the side and his whole body went limp, and yet Izuku could still feel the warmth of his lips against his, the tingling of his tongue against his own.Kacchan had kissed him. Kacchan had kissed him.His heart was beating so fast inside his chest that there was no space for air inside his lungs. He couldn’t breathe. Because Kacchan – Kacchan had – had kissed him, why would he do that, why did he do that, and now he had passed out again and his face was paler than ever and sh@t, cr@p, Izuku’s hands were no longer pressing on his injury and blood was flowing out, freely, like a river, pooling sickly beneath his knees and soaking through the fabric of his clothes.What was happening, oh god. Kacchan had – why would – he – he had – and now he was – he –“Midoriya…?”, a familiar voice asked from afar, and Izuku’s spirit nearly jumped out of his body (again) as he snapped his head to find Kaminari staring at him, at the bottom of the opening to the pocket, eyes wide and face pale.It only took one quick look at Kaminari’s face to realize it.He had seen it. He had seen the kiss.If that was even possible, Izuku’s heart rate doubled in pace. All his blood drained from his face and went to his twisting stomach, but before he could even think of stuttering out a response, Aizawa sensei appeared out of nowhere with Uraraka and three paramedics. They were carrying very little equipment, probably in order to prevent a rubble collapse.Izuku blinked at them, mouth opening and closing, heart and head racing too much for him to form coherent words. His face and hands felt numb, and then he remembered Kacchan was still bleeding out, and his hands acted before he could think about it. He went back to pressing down on the injury, but he was shaking from head to toe. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what was happening.“You can leave it to us”, the first paramedic to approach him said, gently but urgently. Izuku simply stared at her, eyes wide and bloodied face pale, not able to comprehend what she was telling him.The other two paramedics approached him too, but he was frozen in place. They were talking to him, he knew, but their words just passed through his brain as if they were in a different language altogether.Aizawa’s hand gripped his shoulder and Izuku turned to look at him, but he was still in shock. He had no idea what he was being told, or what they wanted him to do. All he knew was that Kacchan had kissed him, and that if he didn’t keep applying pressure to his injury he would bleed out.Then, something finally broke him away from his trance.“We’re losing him!”, one of the paramedics shouted.Izuku didn’t compute Uraraka’s shocked gasp, or Kaminari’s desperate shout of “no!”, or the paramedics’ many curses. All he could see was Kacchan’s pale, unconscious face – all he could hear was his own heart, beating frantically inside his chest.Then, everything became as clear as water.Kacchan hated him. Well, maybe he didn’t hate him anymore, they had been over that several times over. But he had, undeniably, spent the majority of his life hating Izuku. Now he cared about him, fine, ok, but one doesn’t go from hate to – to caring, to kissing, in so little time. And Kacchan was smart, he had always had a quick thinking, so there had to be a greater reason behind that kiss. A strategical reason.And there was only one he could think of.Izuku reached out for a force deep within him, feeling dread as One For All manifested itself in the form of green static across his skin. He didn’t know how the transfer had happened so quickly, but he did know that a transfer through saliva was probably faster than a transfer through hair. His stomach twisted with nausea, dread, and rage as soon as the lightning died down.Kacchan had passed One For All back to him. He had sensed he was dying, and he had passed Izuku’s quirk back to him.He had given up.“You b@st@rd”, Izuku roared, voice uncharacteristically raw. He pressed down harder on Kacchan’s side, ignoring the pair of hands trying to pull him away from the boy, because like hell he would allow Kacchan to give up now. “You son of a – don’t you dare do this!”, he yelled. “You hear me? Don’t you dare give up, you idiot!”“Midoriya, stop!”, Aizawa ordered from behind him, and then Izuku realized he was the one trying to pull him away. He shrugged away from the teacher’s grasp and threw himself over Kacchan defensively, attempting to stanch the blood flow before it was too late.“Deku-kun, step away!”, Uraraka pleaded, hands covering her mouth. There were tears running down her pink cheeks, a horrified expression etched on her face.“Kacchan! Are you listening to me? Do not do this!”, he screamed, guttural, struggling as Aizawa grabbed hold of him again and pulled.“Midoriya, step away now. There’s no time for this”, he ordered, angry.“Midoriya…”, even Kaminari tried, still looking shocked by what he had witnessed. The paramedics tried their best to ignore Izuku’s desperate fussing and started to tend to Kacchan’s injury, removing the remaining rubble that was covering his lower half and assessing if there were any more injuries that required immediate treatment.“Kacchan!”, Izuku screamed as his teacher finally succeeded in dragging him away. Izuku was drenched in Kacchan’s blood – his hands, arms, face, and knees were painted a deep crimson. His limbs flailed desperately as he tried to break free from Aizawa’s hold, but it was useless – the man was stronger than he was.“Deku-kun –“, Uraraka tried to ease him, but it was to no avail. Izuku ignored her.“Kacchan!”, he screamed, guttural, tears rolling down his face. “Kacchaaaaaan!”“Step away now, Midoriya”, Aizawa said to his ear. “You’ll only get in their way”.“Hey, you’re the one with the gravity quirk, right?”, one of the paramedics asked urgently, looking at Uraraka. She nodded promptly, leaving Izuku’s side and approaching them hesitantly. Kaminari took her place, trying to aid Aizawa into holding Izuku down.“You need to make this piece of rubble float, now”, another paramedic instructed. “We need to get him help as soon as possible”.“Wait, wait, wait”, the third paramedic said, his voice urgent and worried. “He stopped breathing”.“Kacchan”, Izuku sobbed, sagging desperately against Aizawa.“What do I do?!”, Uraraka asked, nervous, not knowing if they still wanted her to move the rubble.“Miss, stay back”, the first paramedic instructed. She climbed on top of Kacchan, minding the piece of metal sticking out of him, and started CPR. “You, start the transfusion”.“Here?”, the third paramedic asked – he seemed to be the youngest one.“There’s no time, he’s lost too much blood, he’ll bleed out before we take him out of here and climb all the way down! Do it now!”Without further ado, the second paramedic jumped into action.“You, keep applying pressure to that!”, she ordered the third one.Izuku could not see what they were doing from where he was sprawled on the floor, Aizawa immobilizing him in a tight grip. Kaminari was holding his legs, but his eyes were glued on his dying friend – wide, teary, and desperately afraid. Izuku still twitched and struggled every now and then, but the sorrow was weighting too heavy within him for him to keep fighting.Kacchan was dying. Kacchan was dying.He was going to lose him forever.The paramedic continued to perform CPR, but it didn’t seem to be working, because Aizawa offered Kaminari a dark look.“Kaminari”, he called, and the boy’s head immediately snapped towards his teacher.A pregnant pause. Kaminari’s eyes widened.“Go”, Aizawa instructed firmly.Kaminari only hesitated for a split second before he was on his feet and rushing to the paramedics.“Stay back –“, one of them tried to warn.“I have an electricity quirk”, Kaminari explained in a rush. “I can defibrillate him”.The paramedics exchanged a look.“You ever done this before, kid?”“No, but we don’t really have time for a lesson!”, Kaminari protested, voice high pitched. Without waiting for an invitation, he kneeled down beside Kacchan, his shaking hands hovering hesitantly above his friend’s chest.“Ok”, the paramedic breathed shakily. “Does the electricity come off your hands?”“It can”, Kaminari nodded quickly.The paramedic grabbed Kaminari’s wrists with no resemblance to delicacy due to their urgency and pressed his palms above the correct spots of Kacchan’s chest. His shirt had been cut open by the other two paramedics, exposing the mess of bruises that his chest had become.“Can you control the voltage when you use your quirk?”, she added.“Yeah, yeah”, Kaminari nodded emphatically.“Then let’s start with 200 volts”.“Is this a good idea?”, one of the other paramedics asked – the one who was working on the transfusion.“It’s our best shot right now”, the first one pointed out.“Yeah”, Kaminari nodded, even though he looked very nervous and almost green. “Just give me the cue”.“Ok”, the paramedic nodded back. “Now”.Kaminari shocked Kacchan, making his still chest jolt up and fall back down. The paramedic who was in charge of stanching the bleeding held Kacchan’s torso down as if to prevent the damage of the impalement to increase due to the movement.The paramedic instructing Kaminari measured Kacchan’s pulse, before offering the electric boy a nervous look.“Again”, she instructed, firm. “Make it four hundred”.Kaminari did as he was told. Kacchan’s chest jolted again and his head fell to the side, limp.More seconds passed.“Again. Five hundred”.Kaminari failed to hold back a sob, but did as he was told.“Come on, come on, come on, come on”, he begged, watching as Kacchan’s chest jolted again.The paramedic waited.“Again. Increase”.“Oh god”, Kaminari sobbed frantically, tears and snot running down his sweaty face as he shocked his friend. “Oh god, oh man, Bakugou, oh my god –““Wait!”, the paramedic exclaimed.Everyone tensed up.She met Kaminari’s eyes, shoulders slumping.“I got a pulse”.Kaminari nearly collapsed on his back from relief, a dizzy spell overcoming his stressed brain. Somewhere along the way, Kacchan’s blood, which had sprayed from the injury because of all the jolting, had found its way to Kaminari’s front.“You saved him, kid. Thanks, but you gotta clear out of the way now”, the paramedic told Kaminari gently, but urgently. Then, she turned back to her team. “Come on, guys, we gotta move him right now”.Kaminari stumbled out of the way with Uraraka’s help, who grabbed his shoulders and gently guided him to the side. Kaminari’s eyes were very wide and he was shaking from head to toe, almost as much as Izuku, who was still being restrained by Aizawa.“Midoriya”, the teacher told him, strict. “We have to move with them. The whole thing is about to come down”.Izuku felt numb, and Aizawa’s words sounded as if they were coming from underwater. His limbs were heavy and shaking, and while he was pretty sure he would faceplant on the floor as soon as he tried to get back to his feet, he knew he couldn’t stay there. Kacchan was dying. He needed – he needed to go with him. He would be able to help no one if he was buried by a building.With Aizawa’s help, Izuku moved, at the same time Uraraka approached the team again to make the rubble impaling Kacchan float.Then, everything happened at the same time.Before her fingers could touch the piece of concrete, the whole structure shook and trembled, as if they were being hit by an earthquake. And, despite Izuku’s grief, sorrow, fear, and confusion, his brain was overwhelmed by a sudden clarity.“It’s about to come down!”, one of the paramedics shouted as pebbles and dust rained down all their heads. They were about to be buried alive – and if that happened, Kacchan had no chance of surviving.Before he thought about it, and as naturally as breathing, Izuku’s whole body was covered by green lightning. He rushed forwards, hands forming fists, but before he could get too far Aizawa held one of his arms back.“What the hell are you thinking?!”, he shouted over the deafening noise of the building crumbling apart.“I can do this!”, Izuku shouted back.“Midoriya –“, he tried to scold, but another harsh trembling sent them all falling down, on their sides. Larger pieces of concrete were starting to rain down beside them, and it was only a matter of time before they were crushed to death.Uraraka got back to her feet and was starting to jump and touch her hands to the ceiling above them, in an attempt to make the largest pieces float before they fell and crushed them. But even she had a limit, and that rubble was too heavy. She wouldn’t be able to float all the pieces long enough for them to escape, and even if she did, she would be trapped inside once they were out. No, Izuku had to do this. His quirk was back to him, he had enough muscle mass. He could do this.They didn’t have an option.“Don’t do this!”, Aizawa ordered him, but Izuku ignored him and rushed towards the paramedics.“Move him closer to the opening!”, Izuku ordered, pointing at the hole in the ceiling. If they all stood beneath that, there would be smaller chances of them being crushed by the larger rubble.“We need the girl’s quirk! This piece is too heavy, we can’t move it!”, one of the paramedics shouted, face covered by dust.“Uraraka-san!”, Izuku shouted, calling the girl’s attention. “Leave that! Help them move Kacchan!”Uraraka looked like she wanted to argue, but she knew there was no time. Instead of jumping at the ceiling again, she rushed towards the paramedics, following their instructions to the letter and making the piece of rubble with the metal impaling Kacchan float.“I won’t let you kill yourself over this”, Aizawa grabbed Izuku’s arm again, a stern look on his face.“There’s no time, sensei”, Izuku protested respectfully. “I can blow the ceiling above us to pieces small enough so they won’t crush us”.“You haven’t used your quirk in over a year”, Aizawa tightened his grip on his arm. “There’s no guarantee your body –““It’s the only way”, Izuku cut him off, urgent.“Midoriya –““Please, I can do this. I’m ready”, Izuku added. “I… I have to”.Aizawa shook his head as if he didn’t like it.“Uraraka-san”, Izuku yelled, eyes still locked with his teacher’s, before he snapped his head to the side to look at the girl. “You need to let go”.Uraraka stared at him as if he had lost his mind.“What?”, she yelled back.“Let go of the concrete on the ceiling! Leave it to me!”“We’ll be crushed!”, Kaminari protested, standing protectively above Uraraka and Kacchan. They were with the paramedics directly beneath the opening.“No, we won’t!”, Izuku retorted. “I’ve got this!”And then he turned back to Aizawa, ignoring the floor shaking and trembling beneath them, and the sound of the building’s structure coming apart.“You too, sensei”, Izuku said. “Wait with them there, it’s safer. There’s less rubble to crush you”.Aizawa scoffed at him, letting go of Izuku’s arm.“If you say you can do this, then do this, trouble kid”, Aizawa snarled at him, taking a step to the side to give Izuku space to work but not giving any indication he was about to put more distance between them. “I’m staying with you, so don’t fail”.Izuku stared at him, breathing heavily.Well, now the stakes were higher. But he was glad his teacher trusted him.He closed his eyes, and allowed One For All to run through him. Before, when he tested his theory right after Kacchan passed out, he had felt the quirk – but he had also felt resistance, as if it wasn’t back to him completely. Now, the resistance was still there, but smaller and smaller.He didn’t have the time to wait, though. He needed to do this now, or they would all be crushed to death. He couldn’t afford to be too careful, either – his arms were already a lost cause, but he couldn’t risk using too little strength and getting everyone there killed anyway. He didn’t feel stable enough to use his feet, either.He needed to use full power, on his arm. It was the only way.The lightning became more intense.“Detroit…”Then, a surge of power. It was quick, like actual lightning, pushing through him as if One For All had returned to him, completely and all at once. He readied his arm, and made a punching movement towards the ceiling at the same time Uraraka let go of all the debris she was holding up with her quirk.“Smash!”He tried to remember the day All Might saved him and Kacchan from the Sludge Villain. The way he had used Detroit Smash with such force that he changed the weather. And he was able to mimic him perfectly.The wind force was so absolutely strong that it disintegrated the ceiling above them, as well as throwing Aizawa, his friends, and everyone else back. The three paramedics had placed themselves above Kacchan to shield him, which was good, otherwise he would have been sent flying too. The after effect of the quirk lasted for a few more seconds, during which Izuku was the only person who remained standing on his feet, since he was at the epicenter of the surge of power.Then, it was over.Dust and tiny pebbles rained down slowly at them, like snow and hail. Even the building stabilized for a while, now that there was no longer an unstable upper floor threatening to collapse.Silence fell upon the group. They were all looking up at the sky, baffled at how powerful Izuku’s quirk was. The ceiling was completely gone; the only evidence of it was the pebbles still falling upon them.Then, it started to rain.Izuku fell to his knees at the same time Aizawa got back to his feet, baffled. The boy’s right arm was a deep shade of purple, a shade Aizawa had come to know too well. The limb was clearly broken, stiff and swollen already. Izuku let it fall heavily beside his body.“Midoriya –“, the teacher approached him, noticing that the boy was shaking and breathing heavily. Then, just as he knelt down beside the student, Izuku wrapped his good arm around his torso, which was also becoming purple.Aizawa’s stomach dropped.Izuku’s body went limp and he swayed on his knees, but, before he could collapse heavily to the floor, Aizawa grabbed him, picking his student into his arms in a bridal style.“We need to move”, he rushed towards the rest of the group, carrying the trembling, half-awake Izuku. “Now. Before it starts shaking again”.“S-Sen…sei…”, Izuku wheezed out, weak and injured.“God d@mn it, Midoriya”, Aizawa scolded him, nervous. “You said you were ready”.“S-Sorry”, Izuku choked out, eyes half-lidded. “Shouldn’ have… started with… hundred p’r cent…”“Shut up”, Aizawa instructed nervously. “You’ll make yourself worse”.Everything else was a flash to Izuku. The pain he was feeling, added to the remains of his concussion, was making it hard to concentrate. He saw Mount Lady’s gigantic head at one point, and assumed she was finally recovered and ready to help them again. He saw her huge hand outstretching towards them, palm up, and assumed she would move them down to safety. He allowed his eyes to slip closed for a while, before he remembered the reason why this had happened in the first place.“Kacchan”, Izuku called, voice weak and constrained. “K-Ka… cchan…”“Shh”, Aizawa instructed, and Izuku felt his own body move up and down painfully as his teacher jogged. “Stay quiet”.But how could Izuku stay quiet when the person he loved the most was dying?“K-Kacchan”, he cried, trying to look around, trying to see Kacchan. But all he could see was a blurry mess of people running, and all he could hear was an unintelligible mix of voices, saying all sorts of things he couldn’t understand.Suddenly, the pain on his torso burned with a renewed vengeance, making him yelp and twist.“Ruptured spleen”, an unknown voice said from above him, and only then did he realize he was no longer moving. “Definitely broken ribs. And his arm…”“Is it bad?”, Aizawa asked from beside him, and what was he doing there? He needed… He had to make sure Kacchan would be fine.“It’s bad, but it’s nothing we can’t handle. He’ll need surgery, but his chances are good”.Ok, that was good and definitely a relief, but what about Kacchan?“Kacchan”, he called again, voice weak and raspy. He tried to move, but the pain stopped him.“We’re gonna need sedation here”, the unknown voice called loudly, and Izuku flinched. No, he couldn’t be sedated, he needed to see Kacchan!“No one tell Bakugou about any of this”, he heard Aizawa’s voice instruct sternly.Something cold ran up his arm and darkness enveloped him before he could call Kacchan’s name again.      And then, Izuku remembered.     
  “Oh my god, Kacchan! Are you ok? Kacchan, what happened to you?!”

   

   

  “I just wanted to thank you. For, you know, helping me. I know you don’t want to. And… I know you don’t have to. So thanks".

  “Of course I have to, you g@dd@mn moron. What kind of hero would I be if I didn’t?”

   

   

  “Guess what? I don’t f@ck@ng need you to save me, and I definitely don’t need you to go around with that smug look on your ugly face as if you’re some sort of god sent savior or some sh@t. So just get over yourself and deal with the fact that you’re not f@ck@ng better than me, and you never will be".

  “You… really think that of me?”

  “Yeah".

   

   

  “And this? Can you feel this?”

  “Y-Y-Yes, I can feel it! I can feel you, Kacchan!”

  “I…”

  “I can feel you!”

  “Yeah. Yeah, I can feel you, too, Deku”.

   

   

  “I gave my life for yours. Do you really think I did that because I was pretending to care? Or because I wanted recognition? Or because of any of the other reasons you came up with?”

  “Shut up!”

  “It was because I care about you, and I didn’t want you to die! Is that really so hard to believe?”

  “Yes! Yes, it f@ck@ng is hard to believe!”

  “Why? I don’t understand, Kacchan. I respect you and admire you. I – I understand if you don’t respect me or admire me. I never asked you to. I – I haven’t earned it yet, not really. But that is still a long way away from thinking – from thinking those things you think of me. I don’t understand why you think I would be – using you or – or this other stuff you say sometimes. I don’t understand why you close yourself off from your friends”.

   

   

  “He was being nice to you. It wouldn’t hurt to be nice back”.

  “Yes, it would”.

  “No, Kacchan, it wouldn’t! Why don’t you just try it?”

   

   

  “Why the f@ck didn’t you tell me you were in f@ck@ng pain?! I’ve been dealing with your sh@tty backache the entire g@dd@mn time because you just couldn’t put some use into your trap for f@ck@ng once!”

  “W-What? What are you talking about?!”

  “If you feel the pain I feel, then I feel the pain you feel, too!”

   

   

  “Since the old woman said you need to sleep on an actual bed so that none of us gets f@ck@ng backpains like a pair of old-ass losers, I am mercifully allowing you to sleep on my bed, since I know it’s f@ck@ng amazing”.

  “Wow”, Izuku said in a deadpan, unimpressed. “Thanks, Kacchan”.

  “You keep that f@ck@ng attitude up and I’ll shove your bony ass back into that floor, no matter how bad it hurts my back”.

  “Fine, fine, go on. What’s the rule?”

   

  “The rule is that you don’t f@ck@ng cross the pillow fort”.

   

   

  “You’re wearing glasses”.

  “I’m glad to know your brain still works, even if it seems to be as f@ck@ng dull as ever”.

   

   

  “I – I like katsudon. “Can you make that?”

  “I’ll see what I can do”.

   

   
“How am I supposed to get my sh@t together when you’re the one who’s f@ck@ng teasing my friends and making stuff up instead of being useful?!”
  “Did you just – did you just curse at me?”

   

   

  “You think they’ll think less of you if you help me. You think they’ll see it as a weakness if you help the one person who has been nothing but your rival so far. But that’s not true. They’ll see it as kindness”.

  “That’s worse”.

  “What? Why?”

  “If there’s one thing I’m not is kind, sh@tty Deku. You, of all people, should know that”.

  “Ok, you do have a point. But people can change. I’ve changed”.

  “Oh, yeah? Well, I don’t want to change”.

   

   

  “We aren’t friends, Deku. We’ll never be. We’re nothing but rivals who happened to get stuck together and now are surviving together. Once you get back to your body, everything will go back to the way it used to be. I won’t cook for you anymore. I won’t share a bed with you anymore. Hell, I probably won’t even talk to you anymore. I’m only doing those things because I have to – because I’m meant to, not because I want to. Because I’ll get a f@ck@ng headache and feel like sh@t if I don’t. Is that what you wanted to hear? Is that what you wanted to know?”

  “We used to be”.

  “What?”

  “We used to be. Friends, I mean. To this day, I never really figured out why we ever stopped”.

  “Well, rack your f@ck@ng brains”.

  “Yeah, I supposed you’re right. We stopped being friends because you had a quirk, and I didn’t”.

  “Yeah”.

  “And you thought you were better than me. That I wasn’t worthy of your friendship”.

  “F@ck@ng right”.

  “And you didn’t want anyone to know you used to be best friends with a quirkless loser”.

  “But guess what, Kacchan? I have a quirk now. And I’m making it my own. And, one day, the quirkless loser who you were ashamed of and who you abandoned will be better than you. And I’ll never, ever shove it in your face, because I don’t want to be a hero in order to surpass you or to be better. I want to be a hero to save people. Can you say the same?”

   

   

  “Listen, Deku – what I’m trying to say is: I didn’t know how much I hurt you until I felt it firsthand. I don’t know what I was trying to do, but I didn’t mean for you to be in so much pain. So my bad, I guess”.

  “Really? ‘My bad’?”

  “I don’t know what you want me to say”.

  “I don’t know. A proper apology would be nice”.

  “I told you I don’t f@ck@ng do apologies”.

  “Then you’re going to have to do better than ‘my bad’”.

  “Tch. You think way too much of yourself”.

  “You told me to kill myself”.

  Silence. 

  “Do you remember that?”

  “Yeah”.

  “Yeah”.

  “I didn’t mean it”.

  “I don’t think it really matters what you meant, Kacchan”.

  “You know, you seem really eager to be friends with the guy you keep insisting hurts you so much. If I was that much of an @ssh@l@, if I hurt you so bad, then just leave me alone and stop insisting on this friendship b@llsh@t”.

  “Fine”.

   

   

  “Listen, sh@tty Deku. I don’t want you to die. I never did. I was just more of an @ssh@l@ than I am now. I said sh@t without thinking first. I still do, sometimes, but – I’m not like that anymore. Or at least I’m trying not to be”.

  “Yeah, I know that”.

  “Then just let it go, ok?”

  “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

  “What the f@ck is that supposed to mean, you sassy son of a b@tch?”

  “It’s easier if I just forgive you without you actually having to apologize. But even if I do that, the pain won’t just go away”.

  “Of course. Because it can’t be that f@ck@ng easy with you, can it?”

  “Yeah”.

  “How long have you been feeling it?”

  “Hm?”

  “This pain”.

  “I don’t know. It gets better, sometimes”.

  “When does it get worse?”

  “When you’re mean to me for no reason”.

  “So all the time, then”.

  “Not always. Sometimes, when you’re not really thinking about it, you can be nice”.

  “Not to you, though”.

  “No. Not to me”.

   

   

  “I’ll find a way to make it up to you, then”.

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know. Because I feel like it. Don’t f@ck@ng question me”.

  “You could just apologize. It’s simple like that”.

  “I’ll apologize when I’m dead”.

  “Or when I am”.

   

   

  “Either way, it doesn’t really matter if you’re draining my energy”.

  “It… doesn’t?”

  “No, it doesn’t, stupid Deku. Because – and I can’t f@ck@ng believe I’m about to say this sh@t to you –, until we find a way to put you back where you belong, you ain’t going anywhere. You hear me?”

   

   

  “Why would you put your life on the line like that for me?”

  “I could ask you the same f@ck@ng question”.

   

   

  “How’s the pain?”

  “It’s – It’s n-not that b-bad, now. I’ve been through worse”.

  “Yeah, of course you f@ck@ng have. You break your bones every other d@mn day”.

  “Kacchan”.

  “Hm”.

  “Thanks for pulling me back”.

  “You think I’d just let you be dragged by the f@ck@ng train until we arrived?”

  “I – I’m sorry. Of course I didn’t think that. But still – thank you”.

  “Whatever, sh@tty Deku”.

   

   

  “He was such a cheerful kid… He used to love playing heroes and making up hero names for himself. After he got diagnosed… There wasn’t anything he could have done other than reach out for the closest thing he had to a hero. I think he wanted you to be the hero he thought he would never get to be, you know?”

   

   

  “Whatever. Just thank her for the katsudon. It was so good!”

  “Was it better than mine?”

  “What?”

  “Her katsudon. Is it better than mine?”

  Hesitation.

  “You f@ck@r. I’ll never cook for you again”.

  “But I didn’t even say anything!”

  “Your silence said enough”.

  “That’s overdramatic, Kacchan”.

  “Shut the f@ck up. You’ll never taste my katsudon again”.

  “But it’s my mom’s cooking! You can’t compete with that!”

  “Of course I f@ck@ng can. I’m the best of the best”.

   

   

  “Deku. Deku, holy f@ck, wake up…”

  “Deku. Don’t you f@ck@ng dare, just wake the hell up, you f@ck@r –“

  “Deku!”

  “You g@dd@mn son of a b@tch! Don’t f@ck@ng do that again, what the f@ck were you thinking? You piece of f@ck@ng sh@t!”

  “Wha’…? Wha’ happ’nd?”

  “You f@ck@ng passed out!”

   

   

  “Kacchan. Are you ok? Are you feeling better?”

  “Your mom was right about you. You really are a f@ck@ng loser”.

  “Uh, my mom never said that”.

  “Yeah, but she asked me to take care of you because you have no self-preservation skills whatso f@ck@ng ever, and she was right about that. Hence, you’re a loser”.

  “Kacchan –“

  “I f@ck@ng punched you, Deku. And don’t tell me it doesn’t f@ck@ng hurt or whatever b@llsh@t you’re about to shove at me to make me feel better, because my nose is throbbing and stinging as f@ck”.

  “Yes. But I know you didn’t mean it. I can feel your guilt it, too”.

   

   

  “While you were busy being a pathetic wimp I was working hard to get where I wanted”.

  “I worked hard, too, you know. You know Dagobah?”

  “The beach park?”

  “Yes. It was filled with trash that came from the sea and that people threw there once it became too polluted”.

  “Yeah. The place became sh@t in just a few years”.

  “I cleaned it up”.

  “What?”

  “I cleaned it up. It was part of All Might’s training to pass One For All to me”.

  “You cleaned up that entire beach?”

  “Yes. I spent the entire time before the UA entrance exam doing that. And training. Every day. Every free time I had, I – I trained. Night and day. So that I could be worthy of inheriting All Might’s power. So that I could be worthy of getting where I am. So that I could be worthy of being at the same place as you”.

  Kacchan continued to stare at him.

  “I – I may not have trained for as long as you did. Or as hard as you did. And – I may have been born quirkless. But I didn’t get where I am without effort. A – A lot of people helped me, that’s true, and without them… I wouldn’t be where I am. But I worked hard. And I tried hard. Maybe not as hard as you did, but – but I still tried my best. I felt like you should know that”.

   

   

  “I just mean I’ve never seen you cut anyone’s hair! How do I know you won’t mess mine up?”

  “There’s no way it’ll be more messed up than it already is, loser; you can barely see with those bangs in your eyes”.

  “Just ask someone else to do it, then!”

  “Like hell I will. I can do it myself”.

  “But I don’t want you to!”

  “Do I look like I give a sh@t?”

  “I do! It’s my hair!”

  “Well, too bad for you”.

   

   

  “Look, it’s not my fault I thought that, ok?! You’re the one who’s never lost an opportunity to make me feel bad about myself!”

   

   

  “Ok. So, I’ve been in a coma for a while now”.

  “Yeah”.

  “And that means I was supposed to look… bad, right?”

  “Yeah”.

  “But – I didn’t – I didn’t look bad. I looked worse than bad”.

  “I don’t know what the f@ck that’s supposed to mean”.

  “I looked dead, Kacchan”.

  “That’s also f@ck@ng expectable”.

  “You don’t understand. If – if anything goes wrong – if the power goes off for some reason, if someone as much as – as – pokes my body – I’m – I’m pretty sure –“

  “Tell me how bad we’re talking”.

  “Really bad. I mean, really, really bad”.

   

   

  “You’re right”.

  “I… am?”

  “Yeah. Icy Hot’s plan is too risky. I’m not doing it”.

  “Oh. Oh, okay”.

  “What? You really think I’m gonna risk my f@ck@ng license for your nerdy ass? C’mon, Deku”.

  “No, I mean – you – you’re right. It’s too risky. You shouldn’t do it”.

  “I know. Now can you let me finish my f@ck@ng shower in peace or do you plan or staying in the d@mn bathroom to watch?”

   

   

  “Hm. Is it because I tried to attack Icy Hot?”

  “No”.

  “But it has to do with Icy Hot, right? Your face is all red and sh@t”.

  “No, it’s not!”

  “Yes, it is. Do you have the hots for him or some sh@t? Is that it?”

  “W-W-What?!”

  “Oh, come on. He was the one who visited you the most before the old lady locked him out. He’s willing to risk his d@mn chance at becoming a hero just because of your stupid ass. And you get all stuttery and flushy like some sort of fairy tale princess whenever he’s around or someone mentions him. I’m not stupid”.

  “I – I don’t have – I don’t – I mean – T-Todoroki-kun is – he’s – I –“

  “Deep breaths, Deku. If you faint because of Icy Hot, I’m not dragging your ass along”.

  “It’s not him! It's not. Him, I mean. I – we – we don’t have anything. I d-don’t – I don’t have t-the hots for him, or whatever it is you’re thinking!”

  “I don’t give a sh@t who you have the hots for, nerd. I just want to know why you’re so upset. Is it because I tried to attack him or not?”

  “No”.

  “But does it have to do with him?”

  “No. I mean, yes. I don’t know”.

  (I, for one, know Midoriya’s life is worth the risk.)

  “Pff. Whatever. If you want to get into his pants or some cr@p like that, wait until you’re back in your body. This is the kind of sh@t that I’m not doing for you, even if you paid me actual money. Though I’m sure you won’t be able to handle it on your own”.

  “Kacchan. I don’t like Todoroki-kun like that”.

  “I don’t give a sh@t who you like”.

   

   

  “Ah, f@ck. Kirishima’s handwriting sucks. Move aside, nerd; let met me grab my reading glasses”.

  And he put on his reading glasses.

  Yeah. Izuku had it bad.

  He had it so bad.

   

   

  “What if I don’t want to tell you?”

  “Ah, there you f@ck@ng go again. Seriously, Deku?”

  “I mean it. I don’t have any obligation to tell you. You never tell me why you’re angry; why should I tell you why I’m sad?”

  “What the f@ck do you mean?”

  “It’s true! Why don’t you tell me why you’re so angry, huh?”

  “I’m angry ‘cause you’re being a piece of f@ck@ng sh@t who’s making me exhausted with all your feelings and you refuse to tell me why!”

  “Fine! Then why were you angry yesterday? And the day before that? And every single day before that? Why are you always so angry, Kacchan?”

  “I don’t know! I don’t f@ck@ng know! What does this have to do with any f@ck@ng thing?!”

   

   

  “You’re really amazing, because you’re terrific at looking past your anger when you’re in battle, and when you’re thinking strategically, and when you’re acting as a hero. But the moment it is important – the moment you need to set your anger aside and just open your eyes, you don’t do it! No matter how close the truth is to your face!”

  “I have no f@ck@ng idea what you’re talking about”.

  “I’m talking about me! I’m talking about all those times I trailed after you, and praised you, and admired you, and you spent all these years, you spent all these years thinking I was looking down on you! Because of your stupid, blinding anger!”

  “So this sh@t is still about that? About the way I treated you as a kid?”

  “This sh@t is about you, Kacchan. Why can’t you just see?”

  “See what? What, Deku? What the f@ck is it that you see and I don’t? Why the f@ck do you get so upset every other day about the same d@mn reason? You want to talk about it? Again? Is that all you ever want to f@ck@ng talk about? Fine. I was an @ssh@l@. I f@ck@ng know that, you f@ck@ng know that. The whole d@mn world f@ck@ng knows that. What else do you want me to tell you?”

   

   

  “Nothing I say can take back what I did. Nothing I do can erase what I’ve done. I’m trying to be f@ck@ng better, because that’s the only thing I can do, but you’re not making it f@ck@ng easy on me because whenever the f@ck I try to be more reasonable and talk to you like you so wanted me to, you give me the cold shoulder and the silent treatment as if I f@ck@ng owe you something. And I don’t”.

  Silence.

  “Just because I was an @ssh@l@, doesn’t mean I’m indebted for life with you. I’m f@ck@ng trying, ok? I’m trying, and you’re not helping, and it’s p@ss@ng the f@ck out of me, so just get your sh@t together and figure out what the f@ck it is you want me to do, because honestly, I’m getting fed up with this. I told you to tell me when I was being an @ssh@l@ to you. So if whatever got you so sad has to do with me, just tell me”.

  Silence.

  “I’m not f@ck@ng good at this, Deku. I’m good at everything else, but not at this feelings sh@t. So just tell me what the f@ck is going on, because I’m tired, and I need a nap, and I’m so done with this empathic link b@llsh@t”.

  “Y-You’re – You’re right, Kacchan. I shouldn’t have given you the silent treatment. And – I shouldn’t have yelled. I’m sorry”.

  “Never mind the f@ck@ng yelling, just tell me how to make you happy”.

   

   

  “Why the f@ck do you want to be my friend so badly?”

  “B-Because – Because I – I –“

  “Quit the f@ck@ng stuttering, you know I hate this cr@p”.

  “Because, despite everything, I still think you’re amazing. I always have. And I care about you. Is it too much to wish you would care about me back?”

  “You… can’t force yourself to be happy”.

  “Yeah”.
I can’t force myself to care about you, either.
  The words were left unsaid. Kacchan didn’t have to say them. Izuku was smart enough to understand that the silence that lingered in the air were enough of an answer.

   

   

  “I’m – I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to – I didn’t – It’s just – You looked like you could use a hug. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable –“

  “Deku could feel it”.

  “… W-What?”

  “He could feel your hug”.

  “Kacchan…”

  “He… could? Can I… Can I hug you again? Properly, this time?”

   

   

  “Can we please talk about this? Please?”

  “You wanna talk about it?”

  “Yes, Kacchan”.

  “Fine. Call me by my first name, then”.

  “Seriously?”

  “Yeah. I’m serious as hell”.

  “I want to talk about the hug –“

  “And I want to talk about me”.

  “As usual”.

  “Shut the f@ck up and go ahead. Say it”.

  “No”.

  “It’s simple, Deku. Just say it. Katsuki”.

  “No!”

  “You can’t, can you?”

  “Stop it”.

  “No”.

  “You’re being childish”.

  “So are you, since you can’t say something as simple as Katsuki”.

  “Don’t mock me about it!”

  “Why not? It’s funny as f@ck”.

  “Stop it! It’s not!”

  “Is that why you still call me Kacchan?”

  Silence.

  “Oh my f@ck@ng god. It is. And here I thought for all those years that you were patronizing me. Turns out you’re just dumb”.

  “I'm not dumb!”

  "Yeah, sure, Deku".

   

   

  "S-Sorry… It's just --"

  "It's just what? You think you know any f@ck@ng thing about me just because you can feel what I feel? Just because we have a sh@tty empathic bond that drains us the f@ck out more often than it's f@ck@ng tolerable? You think you know any f@ck@ng thing about me just because you decided to trail after me when you were a brat and you haven't stopped ever since? Is that what you think?"

  Izuku threw himself off the bed and onto Kacchan, enveloping him in a tight hug.

  “I’m sorry. I should have realized it sooner”.

  Izuku tilted his head so that he could look at him, his arms still enveloping Kacchan.

  “Is this ok?”

  Kacchan wriggled himself away from Izuku’s arms and Izuku let him go as soon as he sensed resistance coming from Kacchan.

  “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. It’s just – I thought you needed a hug”.

  Kacchan didn’t say anything.

  “You – The way you reacted when my mom hugged you, it made me realize. I don’t think I remember seeing you hug someone, really hug someone, in all those years we’ve known each other. And – And I told you before. About the affection thing. You – You don’t know how to show it. Don’t you… Long for it? Because… I mean, one of the things I miss the most about being in my body is… Is being able to touch people a-and… I know this may sound w-w-weird and s-stupid, b-but… It’s n-n-nice. B-Being able to touch you. Even if… we don’t really t-touch much. And I t-think… It might be good for us. Emotionally, I-I m-mean. I n-never got to know your m-mom much, but… She didn’t hug you much, did she?”

   

   

  “I know it upsets you when I’m sad. And I’m trying to control it better, like y-you’re controlling your anger better. And I’m really glad and thankful that you keep trying to make me happy and that you took m-me to see my mom”.

  Another pause.

  “So can you please… Can you let me try to m-make you happy, too? I don’t know how to do it and I’m sorry. But – I want t-to try. I want to help you, Kacchan”.

  Kacchan yanked his wrist away from Izuku’s hold at the words.

  “I k-know you don’t need my help. But I’d want to give it t-to you anyway. N-Not because I think you’re a charity case, but… It’s…”

  For the first time ever, Izuku gave up. This was too much for him, too.

  “I’ll… I’ll be here for you if you need me, ok? Sorry if – if I made you uncomfortable. I didn’t mean to”.

  “Do it again”.

  “W-What?”

  “You f@ck@ng heard me, you @ssh@l@. I’m not saying it again”.

  Izuku crossed the distance between them and looked deep into Kacchan’s eyes, as if asking for permission.

  “Are you sure?”

  “If you hesitate one f@ck@ng second longer I’m not letting you put your hands on me ever f@ck@ng again”.

  Izuku sighed and enveloped Kacchan with his arms once more before he could change his mind, this time much gentler than before. He buried his face in Kacchan’s chest.

   

   

  “F@ck, I can’t believe the reason you’ve been calling me Kacchan all those years was because you didn’t know how to actually pronounce my name”.

  “That wasn’t the only reason!”

  “Sure wasn’t”.

  “It was not!”

  “Yeah, right”.

  “What, are you saying you’d rather have me calling you Bakugou?”

  Katsuki tensed up, his stomach twisting. He could feel Izuku tense up as well.

  A pregnant, awkward pause.

  “That was so weird”.

  “Tell me the f@ck about it”.

  “Let’s agree to never do it again?”

  “Whatever”.

   

   

  “Kacchan”.

  “Hmm”.

  “Psst. Kacchan. Are you awake?”

  “Hmpf”.

  “Hey. I can’t tell if you’re awake or not just by grunting. You’re always grunting”.

  Katsuki shifted, covering his face with a pillow.

  “Really?”

  “Shuddup”, he groaned, voice sleepy and hoarse.

  A sigh.

  “Fine. I’ll wait until you’re awake”.

  “Hmm”.

  “Why don’t you ever listen, huh?”

  “Everything’s as clear as day, but you still don’t see it”.

  “I don’t know what I have to do for you to see”.

   

   

   

  “…Whatcha doing?”

  “What the f@ck does it look like I’m doing?”

  “I’m – I don’t…?“

  “Stop making such a fuss about this. I don’t wanna feel cold, you don’t wanna feel cold, so that’s all there is to this”.

  “You’re feelin’ cold?”

  “The f@ck do you think, @ssh@l@? I can feel what you feel, so take a guess”.

  “Kacchan, you don’ have–“

  “Just shut up and stop making this weird”.

  Throwing the last pillow down on the floor, Kacchan dragged himself to the center of the bed, now that he had dismantled the pillow fort. Izuku continued to stare at him, trying to figure out whether he was still asleep and this was a dream, or if he was awake and this was actually happening. He only moved when Kacchan outstretched an arm to the side and gave him an impatient eyebrow raise.

  Izuku swallowed dry and dragged himself closer to Kacchan on the bed. He was hesitant, but also too sleepy to put much thought into his actions. Kacchan didn’t move – he simply lied still, one of his arms outstretched in order to support Izuku, waiting for the boy to nestle against him and use him as a human furnace.

  Izuku was very silent as he rested his head on the spot between Kacchan’s shoulder and his chest, face purposefully blank and eyes blinking stupidly. Kacchan could feel just how tense he was as he closed his arm around Izuku’s torso, holding him in place. He, himself, was also tense.

  Neither of them spoke. All they could hear was each other’s breathing in the otherwise silent room.

   

   

  “Can you tell Kirishima-kun I wished him a happy birthday?”

  “Fine”.

  “And that I’ll get him a birthday present as soon as I’m back in my body?”

  “He doesn’t really care about that, to be real”.

  “And that I’m sorry I can’t give him an actual hug right now –“

  “Why don’t you just f@ck@ng write him a letter already?”

  Izuku sighed, lowering his head in silence.

  Kacchan sighed as well.

  “Fine, sh@tty Deku. I’ll tell him all that crap”.

  “Ok”.

  “No ‘thank you, Kacchan’?”

  “If you don’t have to say ‘sorry’, then I don’t have to say ‘thank you’”.

  “That’s rude as f@ck”.

  “Oh, and you’re not, Kacchan?”

  “I’m allowed to be rude”.

  “What does that even mean?”

  “It means I’m f@ck@ng allowed to be rude. It’s just my personality”.

  “Uh, that’s not how it works, actually. And that’s a terrible excuse”.

  “Shut up. I get to be rude. You don’t get to be impolite”.

  “I don’t think so”.

  “I’ll kick your ghost ass”.

  “I’ll say ‘thank you’ if you say ‘sorry’”.

  “I’ll say ‘sorry’ if you say my name”.

  “Kacchan”.

  “That’s not my name”.

  “Stop mocking me”.

  “Never”.

  “You’re mean”.

  “That’s my charm”.

   

   

  “What’s your deal with her, anyway?”

  “W-What? W-What do you mean?!”

  “Your deal with Round Face. She clearly has the hots for you”.

  “Kacchan! Don’t say things like that!”

  “Oh, come on. Everyone can f@ck@ng see it. Look at her reaction just because of Dunce Face’s teasing”.

  “S-She’s… She’s my friend. Only that”.

  “If you say so”.

   

   

  “Wait, I have an idea! You could – You could darg – uh, drag, drag me around!”

  “And what the f@ck is that gonna prove?”

  “Oh, no, wait, I mean, I can drag you around! Sorry, I confused us. It’s confusing. I can drag you around!”

  “Like hell I’m letting that happen”, Kacchan scoffed, but, completely ignoring him, Izuku released himself from his grasp and stumbled forwards before regaining his footing. Then, before Kacchan could react, he threw himself onto him again. “Oi. Oi. The f@ck are you doing, @ssh@l@?”, Kacchan asked, annoyed, pushing Izuku slightly back.

  “I’m gonna hold you up!”, Izuku exclaimed, grabbing Kacchan all over as if he wasn’t sure how he should hold him in order to lift him up.

  “Deku. Get the f@ck off me”, Kacchan warned through gritted teeth, but Izuku didn’t pay him any mind. Everyone was staring.

  “You were trying to interact with me to prove I’m here, bu’ I think it’s easier if I interact with you”, Izuku explained drunkenly. He crouched over and attempted to pick Kacchan up bridal style, but before he could, Kacchan shoved him away.

  “Stop this sh@t right now! There’s no way in hell I’m letting you pick me up!”

  “Come on, Kacchan! Pretty pretty pretty pretty pleeeease”, Izuku moaned, losing balance and leaning heavily on Kacchan’s front again. He giggled.

  “Deku, if you don’t get a grip of your f@ck@ng self I’m gonna knock you the f@ck out”, Kacchan threatened. “It’s easier to drag your ass around than to deal with you like this. I should have f@ck@ng figured out you’re the annoying-drunk type”.

  “I’m no’ annoying. I’m super cool”, Izuku giggled, burying his face on Kacchan’s chest. “And you’re the one who go’ me drunkey”.

  “Yeah, because I didn’t think your @ssh@l@ry would be increased by a tenfold. And you’re not f@ck@ng cool”.

  “All Might thinks I’m cool”.

  “What does All Might even know?”

  “Uhhh…? Everything, Kacchan? Kacchan. Kacchan. Kacchakacchakaccha. I really love your name”.

   

   

  “Truth or dare, Bakubro?”, Mina asked, sounding way more excited than she should be. Immediately knowing she was up to something, Katsuki knew he would end up getting wrecked if he chose truth.

  “Dare”, he said triumphantly, challenge evident in his eyes.

  “I dare you to give Kiri a peck on the cheek!”

  “What?!”

  “Ooooh!”

  “Mina, you’re asking for it, aren’t you!”

  “Rest in peace, Mina-chan”.

  “That’s not allowed, is it?”

  “Like f@ck@ng hell I will!”, Katsuki grunted out.

  “It’s a dare, Bakugou! You can’t turn out from a dare!”, Mina pointed out. “Consider it a birthday gift!”

  “I already got him a birthday gift!”, Katsuki growled. Izuku was very quiet beside him.

  “Which he hasn’t opened yet!”, Sero pointed out.

  “That’s hardly my f@ck@ng business, is it?”

  “Bakugou, it’s ok, man”, Kirishima chuckled, raising his hands in a calming gesture and looking like he was trying to promote peace among the group. “You don’t have to do it, it’s fine”.

  “You don’t have to do it”, Mina shrugged dismissively. “But if you don’t, you’re a chicken”.

  “Do you have a deathwish?!”, Sero exclaimed, giving Mina a horrified look.

  “Bakubro could never hurt me!”, Mina blew Bakugou a kiss.

  “Try your luck, Raccoon Eyes”, Katsuki growled animalistically.

  “Mina can choose some other dare!”, Kirishima tried to offer.

  “Oh, Mina can choose a lot of other dares”, Mina smirked evilly. Kirishima eyed her with a pleading look, aware that Katsuki wasn’t in a mood to be played with. “If he didn’t want to be challenged, he should have picked truth instead”, she added, unrelenting. “Now, he either does my dare or he’s a”, she mimicked a chicken using her arms. “Coward!”

  “Oh, I’ll f@ck@ng show you who the f@ck@ng coward is”, Katsuki snarled, surging forwards but being held back by Kirishima’s hand on his chest.

  “It’s just a peck on the cheek! It’s no biggie!”, Mina provided.

  “Mina, stop teasing him”, Kirishima pleaded, still holding Katsuki back.

  “Never! Bakugou is the coolest to tease!”, she chuckled, and only then Katsuki noticed she was a bit intoxicated as well. That explained why she seemed to have lost her f@ck@ng sense of self-preservation.

  “You suck at dares, Raccoon Eyes”, Katsuki growled, slowly nudging Deku away so that he could turn to Kirishima, who was sitting right beside him and still holding a hand to his chest. “You’d better hope not to catch me on a next round, because I’ll f@ck you up no matter what you choose”.

  “Bakugou, really, you don’t have to –“, Kirishima tried to say as Katsuki approached him, but was interrupted by the boy dropping a quick, barely feelable kiss on his cheek. He blushed, and Katsuki simply sat back down as if that had been no big deal. Most of the members of the circle failed to see the peck, since it had been so quick, but Mina, who had been watching closely and with sharp attention, widened her eyes in surprise and shock.

  “Oh my god, he actually did it!”, she exclaimed.

  “I told you I ain’t no f@ck@ng coward, you dumbass!”, Katsuki shouted.

  “That was the manliest kiss… Anyone has ever given me…”, Kirishima said in a heartfelt way.

  “Ah, shut the f@ck up”, Katsuki rolled his eyes.

  Instead of leaning his head on his shoulder again, like he had been doing before Katsuki moved, Izuku decided to stay sitting upright. Katsuki spared him a single questioning look, but when the boy didn’t meet his eyes, a blank expression on his face, he decided to ignore him. Deku was probably just feeling the effect of the alcohol or some sh@t like that.

   

   

  “Would it help if I tried to say your first name? I think I’ll probably regret this because you’ll definitely mock me forever, but you’re being weirdly silent and you’re not calling me annoying, so I’m getting really worried right now, Katchuki –“

  “You’re dying”.

  An awkward pause.

  “Uh… W-What?”

  “You’re dying”.

  Another pause.

  “Yeah… I – I know that”.

  “No, you f@ck@ng don’t”.

  Silence.

  “You don’t know sh@t, sh@tty Deku. You got f@ck@ng wasted last night”.

  Izuku blushed slightly.

  “Y-Yeah… That, I remember”.

  “I asked Earphone Girl to help me eavesdrop on All Might”.

  A pregnant pause.

  “You… what?”

  “He received a phone call when we were listening. He said some sh@t about a capture today, at Hosu. He also said some sh@t about the quirk that hit you having a countdown, and that you’re going to die in five days unless they capture the villain”.

  Izuku stared at him in silence.

  Kacchan stared back. He looked nothing but angry, now, but at least that wasn’t so unsettling. His rage was almost comforting, at this point.

  The silence stretched.

  “I figured you should know”.

   

   

  “So you’re not gonna cry your f@ck@ng eyes out or some sh@t like that?”

  “No, because I’m not going to die”.

  “Yeah”.

  “I mean it”.

  “I know. You’re not”.

  Izuku went silent, frankly a bit surprised by the lack of resistance or teasing from the boy. He stared at Kacchan through the mirror with a quizzical look on his face. Kacchan stared back.

  “What? You think I’m gonna just f@ck@ng sit here and watch your sh@tty soul fall apart or something? Or worse – do you think I’ll risk getting stuck with your sh@tty ghost presence for the rest of my life?”

  “What? What do you mean?”

  “I mean I’m taking some f@ck@ng action, like the d@mn pros should have done a long f@ck@ng time ago”.

  “Kacchan”, he said, a serious warning in his tone. “You’re not saying –“

  “I’m saying what I’m f@ck@ng saying”.

  “And what, exactly, is that?”, Izuku insisted, worried. “What do you mean you’re taking action? What do you plan to do?”

  “The f@ck do you think it is?”

  “I don’t know”, Izuku said seriously, not breaking eye contact. “And I don’t think I’ll like the answer”.

   

   

  “I just don’t get it, Kacchan. One day, you hate me. The other day, we’re stuck together, and we seem to be building something, something better than we had before, and then you have these moments where it feels like you’ve gone all the way back to hating me again. Then one day we’re hugging, and on the next you can barely stand to look at me”.

  Kacchan continued to stare at him, his anger increasing.

  “I just don’t know what you want from me. I don’t know what you’re thinking. I don’t know what you want me to do”.

  “I want you to shut the f@ck up and not second guess me”.

  Izuku stared at him for a few silent moments before shaking his head. His eyes were finally getting moist, now.

  “No”, he protested, firm, even though his voice was starting to give off that ugly wobble that he hated so much. “I won’t let you do this”

  “You can do us all a favor and shove that self-sacrificial b@llsh@t you love to pull so much right back up your petulant f@ck@ng ass”.

  Izuku snorted, indignant.

  “Oh, I’m petulant?”

  “Yes, you f@ck@ng are”.

  “You’re the one who thinks it’s such a great idea to follow the pro heroes on the manhunt of a guy who could have very well gotten you killed! How am I the petulant one?”

   

   

  “You risked your f@ck@ng license coming after me, didn’t you?”

  Izuku stared up at him, silent. Kacchan scoffed.

  “There. You got your payback, now”.

  “I don’t want any payback, Kacchan”, Izuku shook his head. “I didn’t do it for a reward”.

  “I don’t care what you did it for”.

   

   

  “He could have killed you last time”.

  “I wouldn’t have gotten f@ck@ng killed”.

  “No, because I got in the way! And I can’t do it again this time!”

  “I don’t f@ck@ng need you to save me, you piece of sh@t”.

  “And you don’t need to risk your hero career over me, either!”

  “What the f@ck is it with you; do you actually want to f@ck@ng die?”, he pushed Izuku away. “Do you want me to let these b@st@rds get you killed? Because trust me, sh@tty Deku, you’re really f@ck@ng close to convincing me I should just let you drop dead”.

  “Well, that would be easier to understand than this!”

  Kacchan halted.

  Izuku stared at him, panting. He stared back.

  “You really wanna know why the f@ck I wanna go after the pros and make sure they get to save your stupid ass? “Because I don’t give a sh@t if you have a death wish or an attention kink – I ain’t gonna be dragged down with you because of it”.

  Izuku blinked at him, a flash of hurt confusion coursing through his eyes. Kacchan breathed out.

  “W-What?”, Izuku asked, nervous. 

  “I don’t wanna risk having my soul dragged along with yours if you die”.

   

   

  “What are you thinking about?”

  “Huh?”

  “You’ve been staring at the f@ck@ng window for thirty minutes. Even if there was a f@ck@ng All Might parade out there you wouldn’t stare for so long”.

  “I don’t know. I’m just thinking”.

  “Which is a f@ck@ng surprise to us all, but you still haven’t said what about”.

  Izuku sighed.

  “About life. About… everything”.

  Kacchan stared at him.

  “The day is really nice today”.

  “Really?”

  “I like it when it’s like this”.

  “Like what?”

  “It’s sunny, but not too hot. The breeze is cold, and there are clouds in the sky… Everything is calm and silent. All you can hear is the sound of the leaves when the wind hits them”.

  “Yeah, I could f@ck@ng use some calm and silence”.

  A small chuckle.

  “I agree”.

  A pause.

  “The f@ck is that supposed to mean?”

  “Everything’s been messy for you ever since the villain attacked us”.

  “Tch. Tell me the f@ck about it”.

  “I supposed… You’d be happy to have some peace”.

  Kacchan stared at him for long moments. His gaze was scorching.

  Izuku went back to staring out the window.

  “The f@ck is wrong with you?”

  Izuku looked at him again, the hint of a confused frown between his eyes.

  “Huh…?”

  “I asked what the f@ck is wrong with you. Did your f@ck@ng mom drop you on your head as a baby or some sh@t?”

  Izuku downright frowned at him.

  “I… I don’t understand, Kacchan”.

  “You think I’m about to drag my ass over to Hosu in the middle of the d@mn night just because I want some f@ck@ng peace and quiet? You think that’s what I’ll get once you’re gone?”

  Izuku stared at him in silence.

  “Yeah, because I’m such a f@ck@ng monster that of f@ck@ng course I’ll feel happiness if you die as a result of taking a f@ck@ng blow in my place. So tell me, did your mom drop you as a baby? Or were you born f@ck@d up in the head? Because those are the only two explanations I have for you to look up to me like you insist you do, despite all the f@ck@d-up shit I did to you”.

   

   

  “I’ve already told you several f@ck@ng times over that I was an @ssh@l@ to you, that I know I was a f@ck@ng @ssh@l@. And guess what? I’m still an asshole, but I’m not as bad as I was before. And I find it pretty f@ck@ng offensive that I’m going through all this trouble to save you sh@tty life, and you still think that I’ll be f@ck@ng happy to see you gone. I don’t give a shit if you have a death wish or a god-complex. You want to die a f@ck@ng martyr? Good for you. But I won’t let you f@ck@ng use me as your d@mn scapegoat. I didn’t f@ck@ng ask you to be my human f@ck@ng shield, and I won’t let you die because of it. I’m gonna go after the pros, I’m gonna kick the villain’s ass, and I’m gonna shove your sh@tty soul back into your body. If you’ve got a problem with that, keep it to your f@ck@ng self”.

  Izuku was still staring at him, looking at a loss for words.

  “I’m going to save your dumb ass, whether you f@ck@ng want it or not. And that’s the sort of f@ck@ng hero you should f@ck@ng admire”.

   

   

  “I never admired you because you were cruel”.

  A pause.

  “I mean… You were cruel. You were really cruel. But that was never the reason why I looked up to you. I did it because… Well”.

  Another pause.

  “You’re amazing, Kacchan. I know I say it a lot, and I know you know it. But for a person like me to admire a person like you, it takes… something. You had to be really incredible for me to be able to look past all the stuff you did. So yes, you beat me, and you called me names, and you put me down… You… Y-You did things that I… That I still have trouble forgetting about. Some of the stuff you said to me, they… It left a mark. I can’t overlook that. But I – I’m not a m@s@ch@st. It all hurt. But it is like you said… There’s no use dwelling in the past”.

  Hesitation.

  “I already forgave you for all that. I… I need you to know that I did. And I admired you because of your skill. You have an amazing quirk, a powerful quirk. You had everything I wished for, but I never envied you for it… Because I – I knew t-that if anyone deserved to be grand, it was you. The way you mastered your quirk at such a young age, t-the way you trained hard and earned your place at UA… The – The way you always excelled at everything you did. The way you always worked hard to be the best, and the way you knew you earned your place… Those were the reasons why I admired you”.

  Kacchan kept his eyes buried on the crook of his arm.

  “I admired you because you never gave up. You always worked hard. You always did your best. In my eyes, you are the very definition of what Plus Ultra means. B-But what I admired the most was t-that… It didn’t matter how hard things were. You never, ever gave up. You never give up, Kacchan. Whenever there is a wall in front of you, you laugh”.

  Silence.

  “You are my image of victory. That’s why I know I won’t die. And despite everything you did to me… I still love you, Kacchan. I always have”.

  Kacchan stared at him.

  “And I trust you. I know that we are going to find a way out of this”.

   

   

  “You’re my image of a hero. Not because of your flaws, but despite them”.

   

   

  “All I’m saying is that… Well. I hope we don’t go back to…”, he trailed off.

  “To what?”

  “You know. What we had before”.

  “So f@ck@ng nothing?”

  “What we had was worse than nothing. It was…”

  A pause.

  “It wasn’t nice. I mean, it was slowly getting better, but it wasn’t… nice. And what we have now, well…”, Izuku shrugged. “I like it better”.

  Silence.

  “I know you like it better, too. Even if you don’t admit it”.

  “You don’t know shit about me”.

  Izuku smiled.

  “Actually, I think I’m finally starting to get you”.

   

   

  “I’m sorry”.

  Kacchan sighed.

  “What for?”

  “I don’t want you to get expelled”.

  “I don’t f@ck@ng want that either”.

  “But if you do this –“

  Kacchan stopped on his tracks.

  “Then I’ll be no f@ck@ng hero. It would be better to just hang the coat and chase another f@ck@ng career”.

  Izuku stared at him.

  “A hero is more than a f@ck@ng quirk, Deku”.

  Izuku’s eyes widened slightly.

  “What is the use of having these”, he raised his hands up, “if I cower beneath a bunch of D-listers? If I go back to my f@ck@ng room and let these @ssh@l@s infiltrate UA just because of a f@ck@ng license?”

  Izuku’s eyes were filled with emotion and determination.

  “I took my f@ck@ng time, but I finally learned it”, Kacchan said before he turned on his heels and walked away.

   

   

  “Kacchan!”

  “Deku”, he grunted, voice barely above a whisper, stumbling his way towards the boy. He couldn’t stand up, but that didn’t mean he had to stand still.

  “Bakugou, wait!”

  “What are you doing?!”

  “Deku”, he managed to put more energy into his voice.

  “Bakugou, where are you going?”

  “What’s going on?!”

  “He’s resistant, this one, isn’t he?”, the man scorned past chapped lips, voice sounding weak and looking like he was about to drop dead. He had one hand stretched hand towards Izuku, who was sobbing and choking on his own spit.

  “Let go of him”, Kacchan spat through teeth that were gritted in pain.

  “I came such a long way to find him”, the man giggled manically, as if he couldn’t quite stop himself. Kacchan picked up his pace despite the pain and threw himself belly first on the floor, managing to grab Izuku by the ankle before he could get too further away. Izuku yelped in pain.

  “I said to f@ck@ng let go!”, Kacchan took all the strength he had left to scream. He pulled Izuku’s ankle, dragging the boy closer to himself.

  The villain made a pulling movement with his arm, and Izuku was yanked away from Kacchan’s grasp with a pained scream. Kacchan didn’t waste any time – he immediately threw himself back on all-fours and chased after Izuku as fast as he could, despite the pain.

  “He’s such a fighter”, the villain commented with something that sounded like admiration in his voice, still slowly dragging the screaming Izuku across the floor towards him. Kacchan managed to grab the boy’s ankle once again, but the pain was making him weak, and Izuku slipped off his fingers yet again.

  “F@ck!”, Kacchan screamed, dragging himself across the floor as he tried to reach Izuku, who was screaming and twisting and kicking his feet in an attempt to free himself from the invisible bond that was dragging him painfully.

  “I’ve never seen someone resist my quirk as hard as he does”, the villain continued, casual and weak. “But, again, nothing like this had ever happened to me. To think I had to come all this way just to retrieve a soul…”, he giggled again. “But it’s useless to resist. You’re mine now, boy”.

  “You b@st@rd! I’ll kill you!”, Kacchan screamed at the top of his lungs.

  “It’s normal to feel this pain, Bakugou-kun. You weren’t born with my quirk, after all. You aren’t supposed to have a soul attached to yours. But don’t worry”, the man smirked. “I will relieve you from this burden, now”.

  “F@ck@ng – stop him – knock him out –“

  Izuku screamed, an unbearable, blinding, indescribable pain ripping through him.

  “God f@ck@ng d@mn it – Deku!!”

   

   

  “K-Kacchan”, Izuku sobbed, his fingers clinging to Kacchan’s shirt as if it was a lifeline. He was in terrible pain. “K-Kacchan, please… D-Don’t…”

  “Calm down, Deku”, Kacchan ordered through gritted teeth. Izuku continued to tug at his shirt, trying to call his attention. Kacchan turned his head to look at him.

  “D-Don’t let go”, Izuku pleaded. “P-Please, don’t let g-go”.

  Kacchan bit his lower lip, staring down at Izuku with confident eyes.

  “I’m not letting go”.

  “Promise him, hero”, the villain chuckled with humor, watching the exchange and taking pleasure on the boys’ suffering. “Promise your friend you are not letting go of him”.

  Kacchan glared up at the man with the fury of a thousand suns, raising one threatening, smoking hand at him.

  “Don’t f@ck@ng tell me what to do, you bastard”.

  The villain smirked.

  Then, before Kacchan could do anything, the villain raised one hand and snapped his fingers. Izuku didn’t feel any different, but something about Kacchan’s face changed.

  “I think I’ll see you around, sometime”, the villain said as he got back to his feet and walked away into the tunnel, fully recovered from his previous weakness. “But I’d rather not, really”.

  Izuku sobbed pitifully, desperation and fear overwhelming him. He could feel himself becoming lighter – becoming attached to someone else.

  “Kacchan… K-Kacchan…”

  “I’m here”.

  “Kacchan, p-please, don’t let… don’t let go –“

  “What did I f@ck@ng tell you? I’m not letting go, Deku. I’ve f@ck@ng got you. Ok? I’ve got you, just – just calm the hell down”.

  “P-Please –“

  “I’m not letting go. I’m here. I’ve got you”.

  “Kacchan…”

  “Don’t you f@ck@ng trust me, sh@tty nerd? Didn’t I just tell you I’m not letting go?”

  “P-Please… Oh my god, my mom… My mom, K-Kacchan –“

  “Your mom is fine. I promise you she’s fine, nerd”.

  Izuku tried to breathe past the excruciating pain he was feeling.

  “P-Please… It… It hurts…”

  “I know it f@ck@ng hurts”.

  A twinge of hope crossed Izuku’s heart.

  “Y-You can feel it?”

  Kacchan hesitated. If Izuku didn’t know him better, he would have said he looked almost… scared.

  “I can’t. Not anymore”

  Izuku’s glassy eyes focused on him, several tears escaping through the corners. The fear he was feeling increased by a tenfold, because this couldn’t be happening. If the villain took him, and if he escaped, that meant he would die in four days, and he couldn’t let that happen, because… because…

  If he died in four days… then One For All would die with him.

  All Might’s legacy. The quirk he had been trusted with. Everything he worked so hard for, and everything generations had fought to protect.

  This was bigger than just him dying.

  Determination filled his eyes.

  Izuku immediately raised a shaking hand to his mop of a hair, grabbed a lock of his green curls, yanked it off his head and immediately shoved it into Kacchan’s mouth.

  Or he would have shoved it into Kacchan’s mouth, if his soul hadn’t chosen that exact moment to become intangible again.

  Izuku phased through Kacchan’s arms, and chest, and body. Kacchan could no longer touch him.

  “No”, Izuku sobbed, desperate, staring at his own hands – at the hair tucked into one. He desperately tried to grab Kacchan, to hold him, to cling to him, but it was useless – he was like a ghost. A real ghost, this time, phasing right through him. “No, no, no, n-no, please, Kacchan, no –“

  “Deku”, Kacchan whispered, eyes wide, lips parted, horrified. He tried to hold a hand to Izuku’s shoulder, but it passed through. Izuku didn’t even feel anything.

  “Kacchan”, Izuku was sobbing desperately, trying to hold Kacchan and failing. He was weak, still affected by the pain of his separation from Kacchan's soul. His fingers phased through him as if he was a hologram. “Kacchan, p-please!”

  Kacchan stared at him.

  “K-Kacchan!”, he called urgently, desperate. He had never seen Kacchan look so lost, so… so…

  Scared.

  "K-K-Ka...cchan..."

  “Deku –”

  Before Kacchan could continue, Izuku was dragged away by an invisible force.

  The villain.

  He was being pulled across the floor, the pain he was feeling flaring up by a tenfold. He let out another piercing scream, but the only person who could hear him now didn’t care about him. The only person who could hear him wanted him dead.

  “Kacchan!”, he called, desperate, craning his neck to see Kacchan kneeling at the distance, looking at the floor in front of him with shock and fear. He had no idea Izuku was being dragged away. He had no idea Izuku was no longer there, because he couldn’t see him.

  Izuku saw as his friends started to regain consciousness, but then the villain turned a corner and they were gone. Izuku struggled, trashing and flailing, but he couldn’t get free, no matter what he did. He yelled and screamed and shouted like a feral beast, but it was to no avail. 

  “Let me go! Let me go! Let me go!”, he shrieked, but it only made the villain laugh.

  “I love it when you guys struggle. It’s cute”, he giggled, sounding gleeful.

  Rage boiled through Izuku. He was still in terrible pain and feeling weaker than he could remember, but he still forced himself to get back to his feet while the villain dragged him. He had gone through worse pain, and he wasn’t about to let this guy win so easily.

  Rather than waiting to be dragged, he crossed the distance between himself and the villain and jumped at the guy, ready to deck him and give him a hard time. He wouldn’t go down without a fight after this guy ended All Might’s legacy. Even if it was all over, Izuku wanted to make him pay.

  Before he could even touch the guy, however, he was frozen mid-air by a hand gesture from the villain, who turned to stare at him with something akin to pity in his eyes.

  “Like I said”, he said simply, as if he thought Izuku to be pathetic. Izuku tried to move, but his limbs were frozen. “Cute”.

  Then, the villain made another gesture with his hand, and before he knew it, Izuku was collapsing heavily on the floor.

  The villain started dragging him again, but the feeling of being pulled, which usually came from his back, came from his neck this time, which prevented him from breathing.

  He trashed and flailed again, kicking his legs to no avail while his fingers tried to ease the pressure on his throat. It was useless. The force of the bond was preventing any air from reaching his lungs, but he didn’t feel like he was about to pass out. All he felt was the pain.

  “The nice thing about being a ghost is that you can’t die twice, right?”, the villain chuckled, still dragging him without sparing him another look. “All you can do is suffocate, really. I think that maybe you got to sleep a little while you were stuck with that brat, but that was just because he didn’t have the right quirk to keep you awake like I do. But don’t worry”, he chuckled again, way too happy, “I can give you a demonstration in these next four days I have with you”.

  Izuku continued to desperately attempt to free himself, tears running down his face. This villain was about to torture him for four days straight, and then he would die. And no one would even know about it.

  He should have forced Kacchan to write his goodbye notes.

  “Serves you right for nearly killing me, don’t you think?”, the villain continued, and now the joyfulness in his tone gave way to a sinister vengeance.

  Izuku continued to struggle against the whip wrapped around his neck, his lungs burning and his head feeling like it was about to explode. But the villain was right – he didn’t feel like he was about to pass out. All he felt was the pain. Burning, excruciating, eating through him –

  Then something appeared in his field of vision.

  It was Kacchan. Limping, and looking like he was shaking all over, but also…

  Drenched in sweat…?

  A tiny smile appeared on his lips. Izuku knew Kacchan wouldn’t give up on him. But then realization dawned on him.

  Izuku was still connected to the villain. Izuku would feel the whole thing.

  More fear coursed through him. He desperately tried to think of another way, but it would be useless – Kacchan couldn’t hear him. This would be the end of him, and of One For All. This would be the end of All Might.

  Izuku was already dead. But if Kacchan could capture this villain and bring him to justice, then he would force himself to accept his fate a bit more easily. Maybe there was even a chance they could convince the villain to return his soul before the deadline arrived.
Do what you have to do, Kacchan.
  “Howitzer –“

  Izuku stopped struggling, closing his eyes. The villain snapped his head around.

  “Impacto!”

   

   

   

   

  He was in hell.

  Fire burned his skin. His limbs. His hair, his eyes, his tongue. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t breathe.

  He couldn’t pass out, either.

  Every inch of him hurt. He could feel it. Broken bones. All over. Ruptured organs. Internal bleeding. Cracked ribs.

  Burnt skin.

  The agony was such that he couldn’t make sense of what was happening. He could see Kacchan, fallen, at the distance. He could see the villain’s body, all broken and burnt, but still alive. He could feel all of it.

  He couldn’t fall asleep. He couldn’t slip away.

  All he could do was stay awake through the agony.

  He saw it as All Might arrived. He saw it as the pros and the police got to the scene.

  He was dragged across the floor when they put the villain in a stretcher and rolled him away. No one bothered to put him on a stretcher too.

  No one could.

  The pain he was feeling was so intense that the pain of being dragged didn’t matter.

  Things got a bit better when they hooked the villain up to pain killers, but he was forced to stay awake. It seemed he could only fall asleep if the villain wanted him to. And the villain had passed out before he could make that choice.

  The pain killers did have an effect, though, but not all that much. Izuku could barely move. He didn’t even manage to drag himself out of the way as he lied on the floor next to the villain’s bed. Minutes became hours and hours became days, but he couldn’t tell the difference. For all he knew, they could have left the sewers five minutes before, because the pain would have been the same.

  He didn’t even remember what it was like not feeling like every atom in his body was exploding. Was this Kacchan’s legacy?

  Nurses’ feet phased through him on the floor. So did Recovery Girl’s. It was only when All Might showed up that Izuku attempted to speak, for the first time since Kacchan’s powerful howitzer.

  “All… Might…”, he half-croaked out, half-whined.

  But the man didn’t hear him.

  He didn’t try to speak again. It made the pain worse.

  All he did was lie there. For how long, he couldn’t tell. It didn’t feel like it mattered, really. Soon enough, it didn’t feel like anything mattered.

  All that was real was the pain.

  All that existed was the pain.

  Existence was pain.

  At some point, maybe a thousand years or one minute later, he heard someone saying that if the villain woke up before the deadline, they could put him back into his body. That sparkled something new inside Izuku, something that wasn’t pain or a wish for deep sleep.

  It was a nice feeling. It was different from agony. It took him longer than it should have to remember what it was called.

  Hope.

  If the villain’s will was what was keeping him awake… Maybe Izuku could use his own will to keep the villain alive. To make him recover faster.

  So he did. He wasn’t sure how, but he thought of it as a blood transfusion – he used the connection that tied them together, the connection that made him feel so much pain that he forgot his own name, and he passed his vital force to the villain.

  He wasn’t sure why he was doing it. For all he knew, he might anticipate his death for a slight chance that this guy would survive.

  But wasn’t that what heroes did? Sacrificed their lives for other people? Sure, he was also doing it to save his own life, but this villain should face justice, not a death sentence. And Izuku should carry All Might’s legacy, not let it die with him.

  So Izuku did what he had to do.

  By the time Shinsou came in with Aizawa, Izuku could barely keep his eyes open. His ghost body was translucent – more than it had ever been. He knew what that meant. He knew that he was about to die.

  “Hello”, Shinsou said to the villain.

  The villain remained quiet.

  “He’s talking to you”, Aizawa reprimanded, stern. “Answer the boy”.

  Izuku couldn’t see what was going on, since he was lying on the floor and at this point, he could no longer move, too weak and fragile. But then he heard a croaked out “Hi”.

  Something changed in the room.

  “You will immediately return Midoriya’s soul to his body safe and sound, without harming him, without doing anything that will cause collateral damage now or in the future, and without doing anything that could result in his or anyone else’s death”, Shinsou ordered. “After that, you will break the bond between you two forever”.

  Nothing happened, for a while. He was still there, still in pain, still fading away as his death approached him.

  And then… blackness.

   

   

  It was so good. So good.

  After nearly four whole days of feeling nothing but excruciating pain… The oblivion was so good… He could… Finally rest…

  Or so he thought.

  He woke up to white, and familiar faces, and a metallic taste on his mouth. He felt like he was being crushed. Like an elephant had stepped down on his chest. Like his body was being crushed and torn apart, like he was burning all over again.

  He was so tired.

  He just wanted to rest.

  He thought he heard Kacchan’s voice. His mom’s, too. And All Might’s, Todoroki’s… That meant they were all safe, right? If they were there and they were speaking, that meant they were safe. That meant he could rest. He could pass out and forget about the pain…

  “It has to be you, shonen. He trusted you. He needs you”.

  “No –“

  “You’re the only one of us who has his consent. If you don’t take it from him, it will kill him”.

  “I’m losing him!”

  “Bakugou shonen!”

  Izuku was swallowed by black. Peaceful, painless, black.

   

   

   

   

   
He woke up with a harsh, loud gasp, jolting against his hospital bed.“Midoriya shonen – “, All Might tried to tell him, placing a calming hand against his shoulder.“Ka… cchan…”, Izuku choked out.He remembered. He remembered everything.And it was painful. It was enlightening, and it was marvelous, but it was also so, so painful.“N-Need… to see K-Ka… cchan…”, he gasped.“My boy…”Izuku’s eyes rolled back and he passed out again before All Might could say anything.      When Izuku woke up again, he felt a lot better. Better enough to speak to All Might, and to learn everything that had happened while he was unconscious.His recovery was thankfully not as complicated as he had thought it would be. He was forced to stay in the hospital for a few days, but he was also discharged sooner than he expected, under the promise to stay out of trouble and not over-exert himself.He went from his bed straight to the waiting room of the hospital. His friends were there. So were Kacchan’s parents.Izuku couldn’t look them in the eye.Kacchan’s mom looked like she wanted to speak to him, but Inko was also there with him. And she spoke to Kacchan’s parents before they could try and talk to Izuku – what they talked about, Izuku didn’t know. He was too busy writing on his notebook.It was a brand new one. When his mom asked him what she could give him to make him feel better, back when he was still stuck to a bed, Izuku had said ‘a notebook’. But he didn’t say what it was for.That notebook was his only focus other than Kacchan’s recovery, now. He spoke to his friends when he was spoken to; he ate when he felt hungry; he slept when he felt sleepy; but the notebook was a constant presence on his hands. He went home to shower and rest, like his doctor had instructed him, but he also came back to the waiting room every day, notebook and pen on him.When Aizawa sensei told him, as calmly as he could, that he would not allow Izuku to see Kacchan for the sake of both of their recoveries and health, Izuku didn’t take the news very well.He made such a scene at the hospital that his mom was forced to bring him back home – permanently. That meant no more visits, no more waiting rooms. What was the point of them, anyway? Izuku wouldn’t be allowed in.(The fact that Aizawa sensei had announced he wouldn’t allow anyone to tell Kacchan what had truly happened – about Izuku entering the rubble and breaking his arm using his quirk –, for the sake of Kacchan’s health, hadn’t made things all that better.)He had arrived home and walked straight into his bedroom. He didn’t close the door because he knew his mom was worried about him – he didn’t want to make her feel like he was shutting her out. But he still sat down, back turned to her, and he wrote on his notebook.And he wrote. And he wrote. And he wrote.He kept writing. Every day. Even when classes started again and Izuku moved back to UA’s dorms, he continued to write. The only times he stopped was during classes, and during the night. Sometimes, Inko called him to check on him, clearly worried, and he put on a cheery voice for her. But he kept on writing, until his fingers blistered, until his eyes were sore, until the day he got the texts. 
  From: Kirishima-kun
Hey, Midoriya! What’s up?
  From: Kirishima-kun
I hope you’re feeling better
  From: Kirishima-kun
I just wanted to let you know that Bakugou is being transferred to UA tomorrow morning
  From: Kirishima-kun
So you can finally visit him probably in the afternoon!
  From: Kirishima-kun
Let me know how you’re doing later, man. Izuku stared at his phone screen, face blank.Kacchan was coming back. He would be allowed to see Kacchan. It had only been almost two weeks after the whole building collapse, but it was still two weeks too long. It had felt like a lifetime.Izuku closed his notebook, his many many scribbles hidden away. Only the cape could be seen.
  Everything I need to tell Kacchan #1

  
  

    
      
        
        
          "Kiksuya" means "Remember" in Lakota. That's the focus I wanted to have on this chapter - each of the boys remembering their journey and how they got where they are.Anyway, this turned out huuuuuuge so sorry if the size bothered someone. For those who like long-ass chapters: this is your time to shine!! For those who don't and feel like this could have been shorter: I sincerely apologize.I feel like I should clarify that I have no medical training whatsoever, all I put here comes from a lot of research. If anything doesn't make much of a sense, hmu."Saudade" is one of those untranslatable words that are a bit hard to explain, so I shall borrow the description from wikipedia: "Saudade is a deep emotional state of nostalgic or profound melancholic longing for an absent something or someone that one cares for and/or loves. Moreover, it often carries a repressed knowledge that the object of longing might never be had again. It is the recollection of feelings, experiences, places, or events that once brought excitement, pleasure, and well-being, which now trigger the senses and make one experience the pain of separation from those joyous sensations."PLEASE don't be mad at Aizawa, he literally had to restrain Izuku so the paramedics could tend to Bakugou AND he has witnessed more than enough fights between those too... All he wants is his students to recover and be healthy!!I hope you guys like it. I know I promised comfort in this one, but I didn't say it would be between Bakugou and Midoriya rightttt (wink wink nod nod). But seriously now. I feel like our Bakuboy needs to get some comfort from the other people in his life, too (especially his mom), before he faces Midoriya and everything they went through together. I know you guys were hoping we'd get to the bakudeku part of the tags already, but I want it to be special, you know? I feel like Bakugou needed to have his own sort of closure with some other people before he could fix things with Deku. His parents and his friends were also worried sick about him... They deserve a bit of time with our explodoboy.I took so long to update this because, as everybody else, I've been freaking out and having a hard time dealing with everything that's happening in the world. On the top of that, my anxiety has gotten A LOT worse, to the point it took me twice the usual time to update this (sorry). I always try to keep updates monthly, but this time I just couldn't do it -- I had to prioritize my mental health or I'd totally lose it. My anxiety was really, really bad, and it still kind of is, but I'm getting a bit better. There was too much happening at once, and on the top of my own anxious feelings I also didn't want to divert attention from more important issues that were taking place (like protests and petitions).Also, it pains me to say this but I'm no longer accepting follower requests on twitter. Twitter is one of the many things that has been giving me a lot of anxiety lately, so I decided it would be better for my mental health if I made my account a bit more "private" -- that is, less people will follow me and I'll use it less often. I'm still going through the process of "softblocking" some accounts that follow me, but PLEASE, please, please, don't take this personally. It's more of a me-thing than a you-thing, no matter how cliché that sounds. But it really is. I just feel like I need some space to get my head in the right place and focus on stuff that really matters, prioritizing my mental health and not turning writing (which is a hobbie) into something stressful and so anxiety-inducing. None of you did or said anything wrong - I just need some time and some space for my own reasons.It's nothing personal against any of you, really. Like I said there (for those who used to follow me), I might make another account that's more focused on my writing in the future. If I bring myself to do it (after I'm not feeling so stressed out over everything), I'll let you guys know so you can follow me there. Plus, if it's any consolation, I haven't been posting much about this story's updates (or anything, really) on Twitter or on Tumblr, so you won't be missing much. I just really, really need some space and I hope you all can understand this decision and respect it. This is just my anxious attempt to not freak out every time I go online, but I'm still very sorry if anyone is upset over this.All in all, I hope you enjoyed this even though there was no reunion yet! Anxiety is a sucker, so I can't promise a faster update just yet... I'm trying to focus on getting better and dealing better with stuff, but rest assured I will not be abandoning this story. I love it too much to just quit it, and I love you guys too!Either way, I hope this at least satisfied a bit of your bakucomfort needs ^_^ See you next time!'
User: How many words are there in this chapter?
User: How many words are there in this chapter?
Assistant: