how would you imrpove this

The Journey to Confidence: Breaking Through Fear
[cause and effect] [Try using 1-2 more examples in its own section so that the use of illustration/examples will be more obvious as well.]

A belief that has stuck with me is from a quote by Peter T. Mcintrye who said, “Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong.” Growing up, I was always shy and lacked confidence in myself. I would never raise my hand as I was scared of being wrong. I would sweat nervously during presentations as worries rushed through my mind: What if I embarrass myself? What if people don't like me? What will they think of me? Will they laugh? Or call me names? Or make fun of me? Due to my fear of making mistakes, I was never able to be myself.

This fear affected me more than I realised, I was not able to grow and improve my skills. It not only shattered my confidence but also other people's confidence in me. My shyness and quietness were costing me valuable opportunities which hindered my personal growth. Although I knew I had the ability to impress people, I was unable to put myself out there. I never realised the reason for this lack of confidence. Until I finally did.

In grade 8, I was in the finals of a soccer tournament. After a long tirelessly fought 70 minutes into the game and the score was still locked in at 1 to 1. Players were pushing themselves to their limit trying to create scoring opportunities with their jerseys drenched in sweat. The atmosphere was intense all around. The audience sitting in the sidelines tightly held onto their chairs, and the players on the bench nervously twitched as they tried to drive the ball past the goal posts. Every close opportunity for a goal led to numerous screams from the crowd. 

You could also sense the frustration in the coaches as when they walked, sweat ran down their faces. They were frantically trying to figure out how to create a winning opportunity.

As the heat continued to glare down on the players the game started getting slower and players started making more mistakes. I sensed the coach looking at me and immediately a chill ran down my spine.

“Ishan are you good to go on?”

I hesitated. I started burning up and it felt as if the world was on fire. I tried to speak but it was as if all I could do was shake my head saying no. The coach seemed to morph into a terrifying creature and my muscles tensed. I let the negative thoughts encompass me.

What if I make my team lose? What if I pass to the wrong team? What if I score an own goal? Will I disappoint my team? Or will they get mad at me? Or will I get taken off the team? Do I even want to play soccer? 

I let the fear take over and humiliatingly shook my head no. I claimed that my stomach was hurting and that I would be unable to perform. My coach looked disappointed and shook his head walking away. I sat on the bench for the rest of the game, avoiding eye contact and unable to focus. I felt embarrassed about my lack of confidence. Soon we were losing by one, and it quickly turned into two. I watched as my team slowly started to be phased out of the game just like how I was starting to feel phased out from soccer. After the game, I felt disappointed. It didn't matter if we won or lost but I felt as if every minute that I watched my team painfully lose a part of my love for soccer was also being lost. As soon as the game was over, people began asking me questions.

Why didn't you play? Was there a way you guys could've won? Should the coach have put on different players? Do you think you could have changed the result? 

The only thing I could think of was maybe if I played I could have changed the outcome of the game. Maybe if I played, I could have shown everyone my talent and passion for soccer. I wanted to stand out to everyone. I wanted to be the best. But how can I expect others to be confident in my abilities if I am not confident in them myself? As a result, I realised how important it is to be confident in yourself in order to reach your full potential. 

Wanting to accomplish more and feel like I could depend on my own abilities, I started working on my game and building up my confidence. I volunteered during drills, trained outside of my team, and realised the key to growing my game. I stopped being afraid to make mistakes and realised that once you practise and hone your talents you become less afraid to put yourself out there. Even when I felt unsure about my abilities I stepped up and took the chance at failing and putting myself in these uncomfortable situations helped alleviate my fear or making mistakes. When I started high school, all of this practice finally paid off.

During a scrimmage against the older team in the club I played for, I was put on the field. As usual, my mind instantly flooded with the same negative thoughts as before. I started to sweat and my heart started racing. Then I looked back at the times I stepped up and failed and realised that it didn't matter if I succeeded or not. If I am not confident in myself then there is no real reason to be playing soccer. I took a deep breath, and let all the fear of making mistakes flow out of me. The game started, and I got the ball. E.g. I immediately started dribbling as fast as I could towards the goal post on the other side of the field. A player on the other team swerved towards me to intercept.I immediately started dribbling towards a player and tried My only option was to take him on. I was tackled and I lost the ball when…, but for the first time, my heart wasn’t shattered. Instead of letting a single mistake ruin the rest of the game, I worked harder to get the ball back, and tried reaching the opponent’s goalthe same thing again. Again, a player tried to block meI started dribbling towards the player. I took him outside and cut back, exploding past him when he fell for my feint. I felt a surge of pride as I left him in the dustI did it. I got over my fear of making mistakes and gained confidence to display my talent. 

After the game, my coach came up to me, and talked about how well I played during that game. I felt a sense of pride and accomplishment. He told me that he was looking for a player to play in the Ontario Cup indoor soccer team and if I kept my performance up I would be able to fill that position. This was the opportunity of a lifetime and I realised my ability to be confident in myself led to others being confident in me too.

There’s nothing wrong perhaps with being reserved and shy, but I’m convinced that stepping up isn’t a one-time decision, but a habit that you build over time. If I have been shying away from opportunities then it’s unrealistic to expect that I would be able to respond appropriately to a situation where an opportunity for me to shine presents itself. Looking back at the game where I let my lack of confidence fill me with fear I realised something new. What was important in that situation was not whether I would break the tie and help my team win the game, but that I at least make the attempt and not be afraid to make mistakes.



The Scholarship jacket short story