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Assistant: Title: pathological people pleaser
        Author: rweoutofthewoods rweoutofthewoods 
        Chapter: 5/19 
        Summary: No one, it turns out, really knows one another. (OR: all it takes is a summer-long holiday in Italy, James Potter's teetering mental stability, a secret relationship, friends with benefits, Marlene’s secret, and enough stupidity and insecurity to go around for everything to come crashing down around them.)
        Contents: Chapter 5
    

    


      
        
          
          (See the end of the chapter for  notes.)
          
      
  

  
  
    
     
  
    James
  

  
     
  
Regulus was warm. That was the only thought going through his mind. Regulus was warm, his skin heated under James’s hand and he was small. Smaller than James had realized. Regulus had always felt taller than he was, with such an intense, cold confidence radiating off him. One look at Regulus was all it took to know he’d been raised to be someone. Everything he did seemed purposeful, his spine ridged, his chin raised. Yet now, looking out across the lake as if waiting for it to answer some unasked question, nearly pressed against James’s chest… he seemed small. Not as if he needed James to protect or save him, but rather like some of his armor had come off and he was standing there unguarded.  James wasn’t sure how he forced himself to let go of Regulus’s waist, exhaling a tight breath, but somehow he did. Somehow Regulus stepped further into the water and the moment broke, giving way to the easy warmth of the day. “Sirius used to call me a mermaid,” Regulus murmured, tilting his face up to the sun as he descended into the cool of the lake, treading water slightly. “I remember,” James said, smiling at that thought. Summer days spent in the Potter’s pool, how Sirius always had to drag Regulus out when it was time to hurry home and avoid being caught by their parents. “You loved to swim, loved the water. Though I think it was partly because of the fact that you always insisted you were secretly a mermaid.” Regulus turned to look at James at that, cheeks coloring slightly at the reminder. He huffed, shaking his head. “That’s because you were always putting on that show with the mermaids.” He narrowed his eyes. “Not my fault I was influenced.” James smirked at that. “Well, it didn’t have me or Sirius running around insisting we’d turn into mermaids if we got wet, that was just you.” “Please,” Regulus grimaced. “I will give you anything not to bring that up to my brother, I don’t need him remembering that and using it to terrorize me.” James laughed and it felt right to do so when the sun was shining and the birds were singing. It felt right as Regulus’s face scrunched up at James’s laughter, and the younger boy let out a heavy sigh. James stepped further into the lake, a smile still on his lips. The world was quiet, and after a moment Regulus took a deep breath before sinking under the water. James watched it swallow him. He waited. Waited a moment that felt like a million years before Regulus broke the surface, gasping and wiping water from his face. James just watched, admiring the pale skin of his hands as Regulus pushed his hair back. It was quite nice like that, James thought. Away from his face, letting James see the curve of his cheekbones and his jaw. “Do you still like it?” James asked. Regulus blinked. There was a drop of water on his lashes and it freed itself at the movement, dripping down his cheek. “Like what?” “The water.” Regulus shrugged. “When I can make peace with it.” James looked out across the lake, the only disruption coming from their bodies. Otherwise, it was smooth and quiet. “I don’t think I understand that,” James muttered, watching the way the water made Regulus’s hair even darker, shining in the sun. Regulus looked purposefully away, not meeting James’s eyes. “I don’t reckon you’ve made peace with many things.” James scoffed at that. “What would you know?” “I just would,” Regulus insisted stubbornly. “Because it’s not something a person just does. Because you can’t get over something if you’re in denial. You keep things far too close to your chest, and you never speak about them—” “If that’s a cursor, then I wouldn’t say you’re over anything either. You’ve never talked about—” “Not to you,” Regulus cut him off, eyes flashing. “Do you think you’re the only person in the world? Just because I never wanted to recount every gritty gruesome detail to Sirius or to you, doesn’t mean I’ve never talked about it. I have friends, you know. I have a therapist. I spent months in this house with Uncle Alphard trying to figure out how to be alive again. I’m not trying to say that I’m past everything that has ever happened to me. I’m not saying I don’t still have nightmares and days when I wake up and all I can do is f@ck@ng drown. But some days, I can find peace, and you, James… you have not. You can’t be angry with me for seeing that. You’ve let me see.” James felt like it’d be wrong to yell. It’d make him look stupid, like he was somehow proving Regulus right. But boy, even his pride was barely enough to stop himself from grabbing Regulus by the shoulders and shaking him. “I don’t think I meant to,” James forced out, voice strained. Regulus’s jaw was clenched, mouth in a tight line and he paused at James’s reply. “But you did. You did and we both know it. I bared my f@ck@ng soul to you last night, and I know I was drunk and I wish I hadn’t because it’s embarrassing, but I did. So you can’t pretend as if I have no idea what I’m talking about. Clearly, you have some sh@t going on, and I’m not trying to make you talk about it, but don’t think me so stupid.” “I don’t think you’re stupid,” James whispered, because of all the things he may have thought about Regulus Black, his being stupid was not one of them. “Then don’t treat me like I am.” James didn’t know what to say to that, so he just sank farther into the water, bringing his hands up to wipe his face. The cool water was sharp as it dripped down his cheeks and he blinked, exhaling. “Let’s trade then,” James said finally, looking back to Regulus, who was still watching James carefully. “Trade?” “Yes, tell me something and I’ll tell you something.” Regulus bit his lip, tilting his head as he thought for a moment. “Barty and Evan are driving me nuts,” he said finally, choosing a safe enough topic. “Everybody knows they’re in love with each other; at this point, they’re basically in a long-term relationship, but neither will admit it. Barty can be… well, that’s not my business to tell, but he’s complicated and Evan is complicated. I’m just waiting for the day it blows up in their faces. In all of our faces. Sometimes, I get so angry with them, because they have everything right in front of them, and they’re lucky. They have no idea how lucky they are.” James swallowed. “Sirius and Remus make me angry sometimes,” he said, matching Regulus’s admission with something similar of his own. “Like they’re so in love with each other, and I know it wasn’t exactly easy for them to get there, but they did. They’re basically perfect, the center of each other’s worlds. And I don’t think they even know it, how rare it is to get that.” “Yeah,” Regulus whispered, and what had started as a safe topic had already devolved from that, as things so often seemed between James and Regulus. “Most of our friends. Mary and Lily, Marlene and Dorcas, Pandora and her strange husband.” James couldn’t help but smile at Regulus’s unwillingness to name Xenophilius, even after all the years he and Pandora had been together. “They all have something so special, and I don’t know what makes them different, what makes them deserving of that when I’m—” Regulus broke off, but James knew what he’d been about to say. When I’m not. “You are.” Regulus just shook his head, face twisting before he instantly paddled forward, pushing past James until he could stand properly. James watched him walk to the shore laying down on his towel and covering his face with his arm to block out the sun. Only waiting a minute, watching Regulus from the water, James frowned before following him, stopping to stand over Regulus. James didn’t say anything, but Regulus seemed to know he was there even without uncovering his eyes. “I’m not saying I’m unlovable or something,” he mumbled and James didn’t point out that he hadn’t said Regulus was. “Okay.” “I’m probably just… not built for that. I- I’ve never even been in a relationship.” James sat down next to Regulus, huffing out a laugh. “I’ve been in a lot.” “I know,” Regulus said, and there was something under his words, a tinge of bitterness that James didn’t understand. Was Regulus jealous that James had dated people before and he hadn’t? “It’s not all it’s cut out to be,” James hurried to assure him. “Most girls don’t seem to like me that much.” Regulus uncovered his eyes at that, squinting up at James. “Well, do you like them?” James stiffened, heart freezing in his throat. “What?” he snapped. Regulus sat up at that, a frown twisting his face. “What?” he asked in confusion. “I like girls.” Regulus’s eyebrows shot up at that. “I- James…” he said slowly as if he was chewing on some realization. “There’s nothing wrong if you don’t—” “I do—” “—but that’s not what I meant,” Regulus continued. “I mean… you expect them to give you their heart and soul, but do you like them that much? Do you love them, or do you just want them to want you?” James stood suddenly. “Stop psychoanalyzing me. Mind your f@ck@ng business,” he scoffed, grabbing his towel and T-shirt before leaving Regulus sitting there on the grass in a state of shock. “Wait, James!” James didn’t respond and Regulus let out a groan so patronizing that James didn’t know how anyone could sound so mean. “Are you f@ck@ng kidding me, Potter?” Ah, so Potter was back. Wonderful.  James wanted to take it back. He wanted to run back to Regulus and wipe the twisted expression off his face as he scrambled to follow James. He wanted to take it back, make Regulus unsee him. Stop looking through me. Stop, stop, stop.
   
“This is your problem, you don’t need to react like this—” James spun on Regulus, eyes sharp. “Oh? Tell me my problems, Regulus. Tell me what’s wrong with me, that I’m crazy—” “I don’t think you’re crazy—” “—it seems you have plenty of your own problems. So maybe worry about the fact that you don’t sleep, how you’re unlovable, or the peace you may or may not have made with drowning and stop trying to get in my f@ck@ng head!” Regulus froze at that, and James knew he’d hurt him, but he didn’t wait long enough to feel regret. Instead, he started back towards the house, ignoring the sound of Regulus’s footsteps behind him. When James made it up the front porch, there was the sound of laughter from inside, and he paused to pull his shirt on before stepping into the living room. That gave Regulus enough time to push past him. “I hope you f@ck@ng rot, Potter,” he said, his voice filled with enough venom that all their friends, who seemed to have returned from brunch in the time James and Regulus were out, suddenly fell silent. “You’re a piece of sh@t.” Sirius’s eyes were wide as Regulus stomped through the crowded living room, up the stairs, and slammed the door to their room. There was a heavy silence that followed, and Sirius turned on James. “What happened?” James just shrugged. “P@ss@d him off, I reckon,” he said as if that weren’t obvious. His voice sounded hollow in his own ears and next to Sirius on the sofa, Remus was looking at James with narrowed eyes as if he were trying to put something together. Stop looking at me. James wanted to scream, he wanted to flip the coffee table, tear the wallpaper from the walls and watch his friends flinch. He wanted them to look at him in horror. Yeah, that’s James Potter, a f@ck@ng monster. Instead, he turned and headed towards the kitchen. James wondered why no one had ever taught him how to breathe.   
  
    Regulus
  
 It was pathetic and disgusting to admit, but Regulus cried. He stomped to his room, slammed the door, collapsed on his bed, and cried into his pillow as if he was fourteen years old. God, how stupid it was. He only had a few minutes of wallowing before his phone began to buzz on the bed where he’d thrown it. Pushing his damp towel onto the floor and pulling his phone out from the pile, Regulus stood, realizing he was still in his swim trunks and had gotten his sheets wet. He groaned, lashes still wet with tears, and in an undignified swirl of motion, he pulled off his wet swimsuit and answered his phone, balancing it between his ear and shoulder. “Hello?” Regulus said, trying to conceal his sniffle as he opened the dresser, hunting for fresh clothes. There was a long moment of silence on the other side of the line, and Regulus paused in the process of struggling into his pants. “What?” he snapped, and there was a long sigh. “Regulus,” Alphard said, quietly. “Yes?” Regulus asked again unhappily, his voice rising. “What’s wrong?” his uncle asked, his voice as calm and patient as it always was. Regulus didn’t know where he found the ability; it certainly didn’t come from the Blacks. “Nothing’s wrong,” Regulus mumbled, finally succeeding in getting his pants and trousers on with a sigh. He straightened, adjusting the phone in his hand and sitting at the edge of his bed. 
  “You’ve been crying.”
 Regulus frowned deeply, crossing his arms as if Alphard could see that. “You can’t know that.” Alphard didn’t bother responding to that. “Do you want to tell me about it?” Regulus was quiet for a long minute, but Alphard didn’t speak, letting Regulus decide. The thing was, Regulus was nothing like his uncle. In fact, it’d always been Sirius who found a sort of kindred spirit in him. Regulus, on the other hand, was the complete opposite in every way. Yet, Regulus did like to think that they had a special sort of relationship, and maybe he liked the fact that it was special in a way that Sirius wasn’t a part of. “Do you think I’m unlovable?” Regulus whispered. Alphard responded instantly. “Can’t be, I love you.” And then Regulus was bursting into a fresh round of tears, leaning over on the edge of his bed until his knees touched his chest. “Hey, hey,” Alphard said softly in his ear as Regulus sobbed. “I can think of many, many people who love you. You’re not unlovable. Sirius for one, would burn down the whole world for you, Regulus. That’s evidence enough, isn’t it?”
   
“James said I’m unlovable,” Regulus whispered. 
  “James? Potter?”
 “Do you know another James?” 
  “Yes, Regulus, I know quite a few actually. It’s a common name.”
 Despite his tears, Regulus managed to roll his eyes. “Well, James said so. Maybe he’s right. I- I’m afraid that maybe he sees me too much. I’m afraid…” Regulus’s voice dropped to a whisper. “I think I offer him up too much.” Alphard knew about Regulus’s long-time crush on James, even though he’s never said anything. He was quiet for a second, which left Regulus’s heart beating overtime, unsure what his uncle would say. “Probably,” he began softly. “But honestly, Regulus, as much as you’d like to pretend otherwise, when it comes to the people you love, you’re a very giving person. You just need to remember that making yourself smaller for him isn’t good for anyone. I know how hugely you feel things, I know how long you’ve… cared for James. But I never want you to give for someone who doesn’t feel the same.” He didn’t say anything about this strange and sudden shift in James and Regulus’s relationship, much to Regulus’s relief. He didn’t think he could explain it. “I- I don’t know what he feels. I’ve never understood him, but I thought I knew who he was, and I think I was wrong. I think we’re all wrong, and… and lately it’s almost like he wants to give too. He keeps offering up all these bits I’ve never seen before, and then he turns around and tries to take it back.” “And he hurts you in the process,” Uncle Alphard said simply. “You’re worth more than that.” “I don’t know… I feel like he’s right. I feel like he sees me, and if he thinks I’m unlovable... Maybe you love me and Sirius loves me, but that’s different, you’re family.” His uncle laughed at that. “Oh, Regulus, my dear. You of all people know that family does not automatically equal love. Stop trying to fit things into your boxes so you can properly pity yourself. Take a second to examine the situation and the facts. What are they?” Regulus paused, taking a shaky breath. “You love me, Sirius loves me…” he began slowly.
   

  “Yes, who else?”
 “Remus?” Regulus suggested tentatively. 
  “Most definitely.”
 “And um… probably my friends. Pandora says so a lot. The others don’t say it, but they must like me at least to have stuck around this long.” “Of course they do, not everyone expresses their love with words. I’m absolutely certain all of your friends love you deeply,” Alphard said sternly. “Now, what other facts do you know? What brought you to this situation.” “I- okay. Fact one, James said I’m unlovable.” “And…” Alphard prompted. “And…” Regulus said, taking a deep breath. “And last night… James said that there’s nothing wrong with me… he said that it wasn’t my fault, everything that happened with my parents and Sirius. He insisted he never thought badly of me for it.” 
  “Okay, any other facts?”
 “Yes… maybe? I don’t know if it’s a fact, because I’m not entirely sure of it. But I suppose there’s something going on with James. He doesn’t seem to be doing well, and I don’t think anyone else knows. Today, I was pushing him. We talked about drowning—” Regulus broke off, swallowing and wondered what sort of expression his uncle was wearing on the other side of the phone. Regulus rarely talked about what had happened to anyone. “I was pushing him… I said something about his dating life, and he reacted really badly. I think… maybe he's in denial about some things, and when I pushed, he snapped. That’s when he said that I’m unlovable, but right before that… he did say I’m deserving of love.” “There you are,” Alphard said softly. “Now, I’m not saying it was alright, or that you aren’t allowed to be upset. That’s a terrible, sh@tty thing to say, especially if James seemed to be aware that this is a fear you struggle with. But maybe he said it because he knew it’d hurt you, not because it’s true. None of the facts point to it being true.” Regulus sighed, falling back to lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. The sun was beginning to set, and it filtered through the drapes, painting the bedroom a warm hue. “Tell me how your renovations are coming,” Regulus said after a quiet minute, and he heard Alphard chuckle lightly. “I’m warning you, Regulus, you’re about to get me started on the custom bookshelves I’m having made for the study. You’ll never get me off the phone.” “That’s okay,” Regulus told him, and he listened to his uncle talk about his house and landscaping updates until the sun had fallen behind the horizon and the room was dark. He knew he’d missed dinner, but he couldn’t find it in himself to get up. So, Regulus just laid there, phone to his ear, wet swimsuit still on the floor, his hair curling and frizzy in the summer heat. Normally, he would have cared that it was going to be dry and probably smushed in the back from where he was laying on it, but for once he couldn’t bring himself to bother. When a knock on the door interrupted Alphard mid-sentence fifteen minutes into his heated discussion of stained glass, Regulus raised his head. A few years ago, Regulus wouldn’t have assumed it to be Sirius because he never knocked, but he’d slowly learned that even siblings have to respect each other’s boundaries (after a very stern scolding from Alphard.) “Hold on,” Regulus told Alphard before sitting up and looking towards the door. “Yeah?” he called. Sure enough, when the door opened, Sirius was standing there in the doorway, eyes dark and almost unreadable in its stillness. Regulus’s stomach flipped. People often considered Regulus to be the “scary” one, but the truth was Sirius was just as scary when he wanted to be. Especially when Sirius— usually an open book when it came to those closest to him, became closed off. He had a certain skill most Blacks did: the ability to hide himself away behind a mask, to close off his eyes, to stand tall and unreadable. Now, Sirius didn’t look like he was trying to appear imposing, but he was hiding something behind his expression and it left Regulus uneasy. “What is it?” Sirius stepped into the room. “Is that Uncle Alphard?” he asked, even though they both knew Alphard was the only person who’d call Regulus that wasn’t already in the house. “Yeah, hold on.” He pressed the phone firmly back to his ear. “Sorry I should go,” Regulus told his uncle quickly. “No worries. I love you, and tell Sirius I love him as well.” “Will do, and I love you too.” “Okay, I’ll call to talk again soon.” “Bye,” Regulus said softly before hanging up his phone. “Alphard says he loves you,” Regulus relayed. Sirius’s expression had softened slightly at the interaction, and Regulus knew how important it was to Sirius that Regulus had a relationship with their uncle. Apart from Sirius, Alphard was probably the only person in the world Regulus knew how to say “I love you” to. “Everything alright?” Regulus asked as Sirius still hadn’t said a word. “I feel I should be asking you that,” Sirius said and there was a tightness in his voice as he moved further into the room. “Didn’t we have this conversation this morning?” “Yes, and you mostly deflected and insisted you were fine, but here we are and you’re clearly not fine.” “You don’t need to be on my ass—” “No, no,” Sirius said fiercely, instantly shutting Regulus up. The truth was he didn’t lose his temper often with Regulus these days, and it was almost surprising. Like they were teenagers again and Sirius was pushing while Regulus pulled, tumbling headfirst into each other, a tangle of limbs, nails, and blood. “You don’t get to do that. I try to stay back. I try to let you work things out for yourself and come to me, but you don’t. I let so much of it go, I try to trust you and you f@ck@ng weaponize it, Regulus! It’s always that I’m overbearing or butting into your life, and maybe I do, maybe that’s a problem, but I try to be aware of it. You have a problem, too! You never tell me anything and then get mad when I’m worried and scared! I’m sorry I love you and care about you, there are worse things! I can’t be the only one trying. A compromise takes two people, but I’m always the one who’s backing off and you never give anything!” Regulus blinked. “You make me sound like a terrible person,” he said numbly, mouth twisting into a scowl. “Weaponizing? Not everything is about you, Sirius. I’m not purposely trying to manipulate you—” “That’s exactly what you’re doing! Even right now, you’re twisting my words and making me sound absurd so you can scoff and brush it off as if I’m crazy and overdramatic. You’re not a terrible person, but you can be a manipulative b@tch, Regulus.” Regulus didn’t even know what to say to that; his tongue felt heavy in his mouth, and he swallowed around it. Sirius was rigid, a ball of righteous anger, his eyes darker than usual in the dim light. It reminded him scarily of his own. There was water rising in his throat, Regulus was choking on it, his lungs were screaming. 
  “Do you understand the shame you’ve brought upon this family?”

   
“Regulus.” As quickly and intensely as Sirius’s anger had come, it dissipated, and he just stood there helplessly for a moment before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. “F@ck,” Sirius sighed. “Remus is going to be mad at me for yelling at you. I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have done that.” “It’s okay,” Regulus whispered. “I’m sorry, too.” Sirius held Regulus’s gaze for a moment before his shoulders drooped and he shook his head, starting forward and sitting at the edge of Regulus’s bed. “I think… there has to be a balance,” Sirius began slowly. “Between me being overbearing and you never giving me anything. I don’t know if it’s trust or—” “I trust you,” Regulus said quickly. “I do.” “Then what is it? Why can’t you tell me things? I’m not asking for every gritty detail, I just want you to tell me something other than ‘I’m fine’ for once.” “It’s… I don’t want to put sh@t on you, Sirius,” Regulus said quietly, looking down at his hands so he didn’t have to meet his brother’s eyes. “Do you understand how much you’ve done for me? Do you get just how much you’ve given? Sirius, I had no money, not a single thing to my name when you took me in. You helped Uncle Alphard pay for my school, you gave me a place to live, bought me clothes, and put a piano in your flat just for me. Even before that, you always looked out for me. You got in trouble so I wouldn’t, you advocated for me when I’d never open my mouth. You’ve given me everything, and you have your own life and your own things to worry about. You don’t need to take on more of mine.” Regulus dared a glance at his brother, and Sirius was sitting there open-mouthed in shock, eyes wide. “Regulus…” Regulus quickly tried to look away, but Sirius reached out to grab his jaw, forcing Regulus to look him in the eye. “Regulus,” Sirius said again, his voice quiet but fierce. “You do not owe me anything. I’m your brother—” “Yeah, you’re my brother! Not my parent, not my keeper. I shouldn’t be your responsibility!” “It’s not about responsibility, it’s about the fact that I love you more than almost anyone. I’ve never done anything for you out of a sense of duty,” Sirius scoffed. “Yes, I acted as a parent to you, because no one else would. But that’s not because I felt like I had to, I did it because I love you, Regulus, and you didn’t get a proper parent. I wanted you to have someone who took care of you. Are you telling me that if the situation was reversed and I came to you with nowhere to live and nothing to my name, you wouldn’t have done the same thing? Even though you were never the one who had to act as the parent for me?” “I- I mean, I would. But you don’t get it, Sirius, we’re different. I would have hesitated. You didn’t. You didn’t even pause, just brought me into your life when I didn’t deserve it.” “Yeah, we are different. We’re not the same person. Maybe you would have hesitated, but you always have in most things. You’re always one to think things over carefully and stay in your head. I’ve never thought something through a day in my life, that’s who I am. You’re not somehow worse because you hesitate. You’re not a bad person just because you aren’t me.” Regulus blinked, and he didn’t know what was wrong with him today, but suddenly he felt like crying again. He swallowed down the urge but Sirius seemed to know anyway, pulling Regulus into a tight hug. Regulus exhaled as Sirius held him tight, nudging his face into his brother’s shoulder. They sat like that for a long time. “James said something to me, it… it hurt my feelings a bit,” Regulus whispered, feeling stupid even as he admitted it. “So, I wasn’t fine, but I talked to Uncle Alphard and I don’t think James really meant it.” Regulus could practically see Sirius’s frown even without lifting his head. “Sometimes Prongs does lack tact,” Sirius said slowly. “Not that I’m really one to speak, or so I’m told, but if you want me to talk to him—” “No, no.” Regulus shook his head, pulling away from Sirius to frown up at him. “Boundaries,” Regulus reminded his brother. “I’m being honest with you, okay, but I don’t need you to fight my battles. It’s fine, I’ll talk to him.” “I know things have always been rocky with you two…” “I know,” Regulus sighed. “It’s okay, I can handle myself. Really, I think I’m being very nice.” Sirius snorted at that, hitting Regulus (really, much harder than was necessary) on the shoulder. “Sure you are,” Sirius said rolling his eyes disbelievingly, and suddenly Regulus felt very guilty in a way he couldn’t quite explain. Regulus wasn’t doing anything wrong… but god, Sirius really had no idea.   
  
  

    
      
        
        
          enter: ALPHARD!! I love him and I've been obsessed with his relationship with his siblings lately so trust you will be seeing more of him.For my readers that are here with me, I hope you feel like you've found a little gem because honestly, this has been some of my favorite work. I've put so much care into this from actually meticulously planning out what I want to include (usually I write based on pure vibes, caffeine and mental illness). If you follow me on insta you'll see I post about my writing process and little snippets of this fic a lot. I'm just so obsessed and the sexual tension practically writes itself.(BY THE WAY, this is rated mature... normally I rate things teen so if you're following me from my other work, please keep that in mind. You know how I said I could never write sm@t... I've changed my mind. don't expect like EXPLICIT but still...)Also unrelated, but those of you who survived the Great War (ao3 being down) with me and cared enough to read my fic out of A GOOGLE DOC?? ily!! Honestly, it still shocks me when people care about my work... or even crazier recognize me out in the wild for writing anti-hero... CRAZY.I'll see you next Friday. Mwah!! 
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