Here is my rough draft fix it accordding to this requirements:
I. Introduction:
Clarity and Engagement:
Does the introduction provide a clear overview of the topic to engage the reader?
Are you intrigued to read more about the chosen topic?
II. Body:
Background Information:
Does the essay include sufficient background information on the chosen topic, citing at least one source?
Is the source cited appropriately in MLA format?
Narrative Techniques:
Are narrative techniques effectively employed? Evaluate the use of 1st person point of view, descriptive imagery, and figurative language.
Is the personal experience narrated engaging and relevant to the topic?
Rhetorical Situation:
Does the essay address the speaker, audience, and subject and purpose effectively?
How well does the author appeal to logos, ethos, and pathos throughout the essay?
Conciseness:
Does the essay stay within the 1500-word limit?
Is the writing concise and free of unnecessary details?
III. Connection to Human Experience:
Connection to Broader Human Experience:
Does the essay successfully relate the specific topic back to the broader human experience?
🚨IMPORTANT! Answer the following:
 “This essay is reviewing __________________.  But it’s really not about _______________.  This essay is really about ___________________”
Are there examples or anecdotes that make the topic relatable to a wide audience?
IV. Evaluation and Conclusion:
Review and Rating:
Is the review section clear and does it include a rating out of 5 stars?
Are the criteria for the review well-established and supported?
Qualifiers, Concessions, and Refutation:
Are there qualifiers and concessions where necessary to strengthen the argument?
Is there a thoughtful refutation of potential counterarguments?
V. Style and Language:
Persona and Vocabulary:
How well does the author create a persona through vocabulary and style appropriate for the audience and purpose?
Grammar and Sentence Structure:
Are there any grammatical errors or issues with sentence structure?
Are paragraphs well-organized and easy to follow?
VI. Documentation:
MLA Format and Source Integration:
Is the citation in MLA format, and is it integrated seamlessly into the essay?
Are there any instances where more citations might be necessary?
Overall Impressions:
Overall Coherence and Flow:
Does the essay flow logically from one section to the next?
Is the structure of the essay effective in conveying the message?
Overall Comments:
Provide overall impressions, positive feedback, and suggestions for improvement.
Conclusion:
Closing Thoughts:
Summarize your feedback, pointing out the strengths and areas that need improvement.
Offer any suggestions for enhancing the impact of the essay.

here is my essay:
When I was little I played video games a lot. The thrill of navigating virtual worlds, conquering challenges, and competing with friends online consumes my thoughts. My mom felt worried for me. See thought i might get a negative impact from playing too much video games so she was trying to make me try different things. She suggested reading to be. At that time I didn’t like reading much because the books they assigned in school were boring and the words were hard to pronounce. She kept me trying to keep reading. Finally I decided to read to see what all the fuss was about. 
I searched online for good books and after browsing the internet for a while I found the book that interests me most is Harry Potter. The next day I went to the library near my house. I asked the librarian if they had the book and where I could find it. Just seeing the size of the first book in the Harry Potter series the Sorcerer's Stone made me give up on reading. But I did check out the book and took it home. I tried to focus on trying to start reading the book but I kept putting off because I didn’t like to keep looking up words I didn't understand which took time and then I would lose interest. 
But soon I was hooked on the book like a shark that can’t stop moving to a before I knew it. I couldn’t stop reading if I wanted to. In my free time instead of playing video games I started reading Harry Potter a lot. The story was what made me so interested. The author of the book J. K. Rowling created a whole world with magic with wizards and witches. I felt that the adventure and things they did I went through with them too. Sometimes when I have a stressful day with lots of homework and chores, reading Harry Potter helps me lose all the problems and enjoy the fun with them. Then When I finished reading for a while I was in the zone and finished my homework and chores very quickly. 
Patra, Senjuti. “A Brief History of Reading Through the Ages | Book Riot.” BOOK RIOT, 8 Jan. 2021, bookriot.com/history-of-reading. This article says a great quote “What we read and how it affects us can reflect our personalities and our experiences as individuals”. The quote highlights the connection between what a person reads, who they are as individuals, and what they experienced in life. The books one chooses to read can tell a lot about their interests and personalities, while their life experiences shape the types of stories and themes they are drawn to. Reading has a personal impact, affecting people based on their own perspectives and emotions. It can  provide comfort and help them understand and connect with others. Ultimately, books have the power to shape and reflect their identities as unique individuals. 
While some might say that reading is boring because of a book they read, that is not true for all cases. I understand how assigned books from teachers are not interesting but don’t judge books by that alone. I myself had to read The Giver and I didn’t enjoy reading that book much. But there are plenty of books in the world that are of different genres like fantasy, science fiction, and many more. I personally like fiction a lot which is why I really like the Harry Potter book series. 
Harry Potter books have sold over 500 million copies worldwide, been translated into multiple languages, and inspired a successful film series. Its cultural impact cannot be denied as a testament to the universality of the themes it explores. Furthermore, numerous academic studies have focused on the impact of Harry Potter on readers, delving into its ability to foster empathy, encourage critical thinking, and promote social justice values. I have read the whole book series at least three times by now. We all can find a book that really speaks to us and many people might enjoy. Overall, the history of reading is intertwined with the development of written language, the spread of literacy, and technological advancements. Reading has evolved from being a specialized skill limited to a few individuals to becoming a fundamental aspect of education and communication in modern society. I give reading a book four stars.