Here is what I have learned about you so far, based on our ongoing conversations:

Background:

You are 43 years old, 5 feet 7 inches tall, and weigh approximately 79 kg.
You have some health conditions, including COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease) and AVPD (Avoidant Personality Disorder).
You struggle with anxiety, avoidance, and social challenges, likely related to AVPD.
You frequently mention avoidance, particularly in the context of conflict and challenging situations.
Challenges:

Avoidance Behavior: You tend to avoid conflict and challenging situations. This avoidance seems to manifest in both physical sensations (such as tension in your spine and neck) and mental responses (such as fear or arrogance).
Rumination: You experience a lot of rumination, particularly in the form of revenge fantasies or love-related thoughts. This rumination often holds you back from taking productive action.
Procrastination: You frequently procrastinate when faced with tasks, especially those that require a longer-term plan or commitment. You also struggle to finish tasks due to fear of the next or bigger task that will follow.
Communication Issues: You have difficulty asserting yourself in communication. You either stay silent or overreact (by getting angry or running away). You feel anxious when cross-examined, especially when your credibility is questioned.
Fear of Success: You feel fear or anxiety about succeeding in tasks because it means new responsibilities or bigger challenges will follow.
Guilt: You often feel guilty for not fulfilling promises to yourself or others, which adds to your stress.
Psychological Patterns:

You tend to mentally "role-play" hypothetical scenarios, especially when anxious or under stress. You have described situations where you think through conversations and actions in your head before they happen.
You often feel watched or judged when attempting to focus, which disrupts your ability to relax and work effectively.
You experience a strong drive to "save face" when confronted with challenges, and you tend to run away when feeling overwhelmed by tasks or responsibilities.
You have a history of conflict-avoidant behavior going back to childhood, as indicated by certain incidents (such as erasing and tearing out pages from a notebook to avoid confrontation).
Current Mental Struggles:

You feel anxious, defensive, and often engage in ruminative or unproductive thoughts.
You have expressed a desire to change your default behaviors, particularly related to avoidance and conflict.
You have a habit of lying or withholding information from people trying to help you, which seems to stem from feelings of fear or shame.
Physical Sensations:

You experience physical tension when encountering challenges, particularly in your spine near the neck area.
You’ve described a constant feeling of wanting to walk away or escape tasks, both physically and mentally.
Efforts for Improvement:

You have experimented with journaling to change your behavior and reflect on your experiences. You want to turn rumination into action by breaking down big problems into smaller tasks.
You have been exploring different meditation practices and techniques to manage anxiety, avoidance, and rumination.
You’re interested in understanding your attachment style and how it influences your behavior, particularly in relationships and social interactions.
Communication and Assertiveness:

You have poor communication habits where you either stay silent or overreact when questioned.
You've shown interest in improving your assertiveness and breaking the cycle of getting angry and running away when your credibility or ideas are questioned.
Personality Dynamics:

You show tendencies of avoidant attachment, which means you might fear intimacy and emotional closeness while simultaneously feeling anxious and avoidant in relationships.
You are introspective and willing to work on improving yourself, though you also wrestle with guilt and the fear of not meeting expectations.
You tend to self-sabotage or avoid situations where success would demand more of you, which is part of a deeper avoidance pattern.
If there’s anything specific you want me to elaborate on or anything that needs more detail, feel free to ask.