reescreva com palavras fáceis e termos em portugues do brasil: hi everyone welcome back to my Channel
or welcome to my channel my name is Gwen
I am so unbelievably nervous to film
this video right now I told myself and I
made a promise to myself and to God that
I would get this up by the end of the
year and now there's like 10 days left
in December so I'm really cutting it
close the reason I've put this off for
so long is just because I feel so much
pressure to say the right thing and to
say the things that God wants me to say
and how God wants me to say it I am no
I'm not afraid to talk about this
subject I speak about it a lot just kind
of casually and all my other YouTube
videos and on my Instagram so I am not
afraid like I think a lot of people
would assume of the comments or people
are going to say about me because
thankfully I I just don't really worry
about that like all I care about now in
my life is making God happy and what God
thinks about me so I'm really not
nervous about that which is such a
blessing but I'm just so afraid that I'm
not going to do God proud and I just I
really want to do this right because I
feel like sharing my story can have a
really positive impact on other girls
who might be walking in a similar path
as me and I really want to be able to
properly Inspire them to take a leap of
faith and to trust God and to turn their
life around so bear with me if I don't
make sense If I Stumble over my words
it's because I'm really really nervous
and and I just really struggle sometimes
to keep a coherent thought because my
mind kind of goes in a million different
directions which is why I actually have
my laptop laptop here I wrote down quite
a few notes I'm going to try not to
refer to it too much cuz I know that
people can kind of get annoyed when
you're always looking down but I
probably will just because I don't want
to forget to say anything but I'm going
to try my best to just let the holy
spirit guide me and see if I can say
this without looking down too much so
we've got a lot to talk about today this
will probably be quite Along video we'll
just kind of see I have nine pages of
notes so we'll see before we get into
everything I think it might be helpful
to just give you a quick overview a
quick brief of who I am and my story so
hello hi I am quen if you're new here 3
years ago back in 2020 I made an only
fans account and despite making more
money than ever before it simply put it
destroyed my life but thankfully praise
God he saved me and he helped me to turn
my life around and that's how we ended
up here today me filming this video so
my goal here today is to share my story
and the hopes of inspiring I mean I
suppose anyone who might be inspired by
it but specifically I hope that I can
resonate with other girls that are
either in a similar situation as I was
where they have an only fans account and
they are questioning their life choices
now they've kind of realized what
they've done and you feel like there's
no going back there's no hope for you
your life is over I really hope that I
can inspire you and show you that there
is a way out and there is always
Redemption and there is always hope
through God and also for any girls out
there who are maybe thinking about
making an only fans account I hope that
by sharing all of the many ways in which
only fans destroyed my life you will
think twice and hopefully not do it ever
since I started sharing my story on
social media I've gotten countless
messages from other girls in similar
situations
that are either wanting to quit but they
feel as I absolutely did that because
they made this decision they basically
can never get another job they're
unemployable they have nothing else to
offer the world this is all that they
are good for and so they kind of feel
stuck doing this and I've also gotten
messages thankfully as well which is
really inspiring from girls that went
through all of that and are now even
farther than me in their Journey they
have a whole new life that theyve built
for themselves so I just want to say at
the out set that you are never too for
gone God is always waiting for you with
open arms and I really hope that even if
you are totally unreligious like I was I
you see in a minute and the whole idea
of God sounds totally ludicrous and
insane to you which again totally was
there as well I hope that you can just
watch this with an open mind and
hopefully a little seed will plant in
your heart and it will Blossom and you
will realize just how much God loves you
and how much value you have and how much
potential you have that God has so many
better plans for you than you could ever
imagine and that even though right now
it might be hard to see how you could
turn things around I promise you that
God has a plan and all you have to do is
pray to him and ask him for guidance and
everything will slowly but surely unfold
before you and if you have any questions
or you just want any guidance or
personal advice any girls out there feel
free to send me a DM and on Instagram I
only check Instagram I don't know how
Tik Tok DM's work so don't message me
there but on Instagram message me and I
will be more than happy to chat with you
and help you as it might seem as some
people kind of assume from me sharing
how I am now against only fans in
pornography in general you might think
that I'm judging you but as someone
who's been there I understand 100% And
I'm never ever judging you and I will
only approach you with love and just try
to be helpful so all of that out of the
way let's go back to the beginning now
and I'm going to explain to you how I
ever even got into the crazy world of
only fans in the first place as I'm sure
most of you can guess the biggest reason
was money I was actually in a lot of
debt like a very serious scary amount of
money nothing kind of in comparison to
the debt I have now on my mortgage but
for just credit card debt it was an
insane amount of money and really really
really scary now I have no one to blame
but myself for that I had a very very
bad shopping addiction I kind of did my
whole life but that shopping addiction
got really bad when I had access to
thousands of dollars on a credit card
which was not a good idea and I was
actually working as a full-time
influencer doing a lot of fashion and
Beauty content at that time I had had
YouTube for like 6 years or something
before then so I'd been in this world
for a really long time and I was making
decent money like I would be genuinely
really happy if I made that money the
amount I was making then now it would be
really really great but the thing is I
was just so horrible on managing my
money I was constantly shopping
constantly buying things I did not need
buying clothes on clothes and clothes I
was that kind of girl who felt like I
couldn't wear the same outfit twice and
because I was a fashion influencer
that's kind of just how it is as well
and buying a lot of furniture and just U
wasting my money being a really really
stupid 24-year-old so bearing in mind
that I was very very in debt and also
had a shopping addiction when I started
to get approached and question question
by guys that were following me telling
me that they would love it if I made an
only fans and they were telling me how
much other girls that they followed how
much they made on only fans it was very
very alluring I was very curious pretty
much right away also around this time I
had an ex leak some of my nude photos
and I know this sounds really really
really dumb now looking back but at the
time I was like oh well the cat's
already out of the bag I might as well
make some money yeah I know okay I'm
just trying to explain where I was what
I was thinking at the time there are
other things I could also probably
mention as well like different sexual
trauma and things but really I feel like
that would just be me trying to make up
an excuse like honestly when it comes
down to it I just wanted the money and I
didn't really care what I had to do to
get it I didn't want to be in debt
anymore I didn't want to struggle
anymore I wanted to be able to buy
whatever I want whatever clothes I
wanted to travel all the time and to
never worry about how I was going to pay
my rent okay I have this note written
down I feel like this is very fitting
one of my favorite lines in the Bible 1
Timothy 6:10 For the Love of Money is
the root of all evil which while some
coveted after they have aired from the
faith and pierced themselves through
with many sorrows and I feel like that
is a perfect description of me and who I
was at the time money money money money
it's not always a bad thing but earning
money without a firm moral Foundation
can lead you down some treacherous paths
as I can absolutely test to another
thing that I feel like is really
important and worth mentioning is that
at that time I saw nothing wrong with
only fans or with porn in general I
listened to podcasts with different porn
stars and I thought they sounded so cool
and so happy and just we living in
awesome life I was very into just being
sexually open and fluid I was the
definition of a hard core leftist I was
very liberal I was very promodern
feminism so I went to like a really
liberal University I was just so
brainwashed and my whole understanding
of reality and right and wrong
everything was just totally messed up
okay my camera literally already ran out
of battery I hope I haven't been talking
for that
long this is not good we're only on page
three okay oh yeah I totally thought
that morality was subjective like
seriously cringe but yeah I thought
morality was subjective I also thought
that sex work and just like being
promiscuous and showing off a lot of
skin all of that was
empowering so you can kind of understand
how I thought the only pants was just
like not a big deal at all and another
one last thing with mentioning as well
is at the time like I said I was a
fashion influencer I was doing a lot of
YouTube videos and as part of that I was
doing a lot of lerie and bikini try on
haul so it's was already showing off my
skin quite a lot and it just kind of
felt like a very natural next step to go
from that to only fans so yeah a couple
of people have asked me if at the time
time I knew that I was doing something
wrong but I just kind of didn't care for
the money and I feel like it is very
possible that subconsciously I did know
that it was wrong because I really do
believe that God has written his law on
our hearts and that's why we have a
conscience that's why deep down we know
what is right and what is wrong and why
we feel guilty naturally but it is also
very easy to get caught up in our sinful
world and to be full of delusion like I
really think that I was so I genuinely
did not consciously think that there was
anything wrong but I think it is
possible probably subconsciously I did
as we will get into in a little bit I
was also at the time surrounded by a lot
of yes Queen type of girls you know yes
yes men but girl version and so I
everyone that I knew everyone that I was
close with that I respected whether
online or in real life also really
supported me in my decision and didn't
tell me that what I was doing was wrong
I'm not saying that if they had I would
have listened to them I really don't
know but it's just another thing to
point out obviously I was on the
internet so that I was getting comments
from strangers telling me that what I
was doing was like a bad decision and a
moral and all of those things but I
didn't know them they were just random
strangers on the internet so it's very
easy to just totally ignore people like
that and to write them off as being
overly religious and square and boring
people and judgmental and just it's very
easy to ignore those kind of comments if
they're not coming from people that you
actually know and love and respect so
all that to say that I made an account
one day I had actually just broken up
with my boyfriend at the time who is now
my fiance but that is a whole story for
another day but yeah we had just broken
up briefly and during that time I
decided you know what f it I want money
and I don't care so I'm making an only
fans and I pretty much made an account I
didn't post anything for a couple of
days I'm not really sure the exact
timeline but I didn't post right away
but I think somehow someone found my
account and they started posting it on
Reddit so before you knew it I had a lot
of subscribers and I had literally
within the course of like a couple of
days made enough money to pay off all of
the credit card debt that I had that I
mentioned at the beginning like
literally I didn't even post anything
and I had already made enough money to
pay off debt that like at the time I
thought I would never be able to pay off
and I just felt like I was drowning in
it and it was just never going to go
away so as you can imagine if you were
that desperate financially and that hope
hopeless and then all of a sudden you
get all of this
money needless to say I was just totally
swept up in it all and it was just so
exciting to me so I jumped head first
into making actual videos for it and
that's kind of where everything went
downhill so for the first few months I
definitely got swept up it and all all
of the money was so exciting to me so I
felt like I really was happy like
genuinely I was I was happy I think I
was was just so full of delusion like I
don't even know I had money I enjoyed
making these videos at the time and I
really yeah I got swept up in it all but
it didn't take long for everything to
completely deteriorate after a few
months everything started to just make
me feel really gross making videos made
me feel really gross it made me feel
objectified I yeah I hated making the
videos it really was the worst part of
my day I absolutely dreaded having to
make them and I felt a full body
revulsion like I just like an ick I just
I didn't want to make them anymore but I
felt like I had to I had to keep my
subscribers happy I had to keep on
rolling in this money that I had now
grown accustomed to I felt like a slave
I felt like an object that I was just
being used it really started to mess
with me quite quickly and it also messed
with my self-esteem a lot I would have
said before I started that I was quite a
confident person I felt not like the
prettiest girl on the planet planet or
anything like I definitely had things
that I was self-conscious about but over
like on the whole I was confident I was
happy with my body I didn't really want
to change anything it was all good and
after those first few months I
definitely started to research plastic
surgery and different procedures that I
might want to get done because I started
to feel like I wasn't good enough and
like I didn't look the way that I ought
to look I really wanted to get a boob
job because most of the girls in the
industry have fake boobs and so you see
those perfectly round totally unnatural
boobs and you started to think that
something is wrong with the way that God
made you and that messed me a lot and I
started to feel really really
self-conscious of the way that I looked
whereas before I really felt fine so it
messed with my self-confidence as well
and then it also just messed with me so
much mentally like obviously like I said
I was just feeling really gross about
the whole thing and it started to really
make me depressed I started binge eating
a lot which I've always turned to food
when I'm feeling down but yeah I gained
like 30 lbs in a couple of months
because I just was so unhappy and I
couldn't stop binge eating my skin broke
out like crazy probably from eating way
too much but also I swear just from like
the mental stress of it all as
well so yeah everything started to
really go downhill essentially but even
after all of that even after all of
these issues I just thought maybe
something was wrong with me and that I'd
be able to get over all of these issues
that I was having I really was in denial
at the time still like like I said the
money really does blind you and I truly
felt like all the people who were
judging me were they just didn't know
what they were talking about they didn't
understand but
thankfully because of 2020 it took me a
while but because of 2020 and all the
crazy things that happened politically I
started to really expose myself to other
ways of thinking and I started to
realize that a lot of the liberal
viewpoints when it came to politics
didn't actually make a whole a whole lot
of sense and so I started to look at
more conservative people who before I
would have never ever listened to ever
because I thought that they were races
homophobes you know all of the things
and started listening to them being like
okay actually they're so right about all
of these things that I started to open
my mind more to their other views and it
really didn't actually take that long
for me to realize that everything I
believed was totally wrong including my
ideas about modern feminism and what was
empowering and whe they more ity is
subjective all of those things and I
started to listen to a lot of
conservatives also speak about religion
and about the Bible and about God and it
wasn't like I was looking for that
information at all it's just a lot of
conservative political speakers they
just kind of throw little bits about God
within their whole SP of whatever
they're talking about and so you just
you know you slowly pick up on these
things and I started to hear more and
more about the concept of God the
concept of Jesus and it all started to
really res resonate with me to the point
where I got so curious that I actually
bought a Bible something that I had
never touched before in my entire life I
did not grow up religious at all I
thought religious people were crazy were
total nut jobs like I really just didn't
understand and through all of that I
heard a lot of people talk about the
truly detrimental effects of porn and
how like I genuinely believe that it is
evil now something I again I didn't
think before so no judgment to you but
yeah I realized how horrible it was and
I started to feel horrible for being a
part of it and I also began to realize
that there it wasn't like it was just me
that there's something wrong with me as
to why I was feeling so horrible making
all of these videos I realized that
actually that was just completely normal
and natural because God did not design
me or intend for me to be involved in
such a dark and twisted industry that
that is not what I was made for and it's
no wonder that I started to feel so
depressed and so down and so horrible
about it all the time so yeah I ordered
in a Bible on Amazon back in 2020 I was
still making content at this time but I
was searching for answers and I tried my
best to read it I've really struggled I
still kind of do but I've gotten a lot
better since but I was curious I was
definitely seeking for answers I didn't
really know what those answers were but
I knew that I was missing something in
my life and I really wanted to search
for that I started to listen to more
Christian Focus podcasts not just
conservative that happened to sprinkle
in bits about the Bible but I started
listening to Bible teachings Bible
readings Christian podcasts that I found
so helpful I read Mere Christianity by
CS Lewis such a good book would highly
recommend that book actually alone had
such a huge impact on me because he
explained quite logically why he
believed God was real and he explained
why he believed that morality was not
subjective that there actually was clear
right and wrong and that when I realized
that that you could twist things and try
to convince yourself as much as you
wanted but there was clear right and
wrong and what I was doing was clearly
wrong that oh that changed everything
for me realizing that that book was just
would highly recommend so good and I
finally started to realize that Not only
was making these videos harmful for me
and my mental health and my soul and all
of those things but it was also horrible
for the men who are watching for their
relationships their current ones or
their future ones I started learning
more and more about the truly horrific
effects of porn and how it impacts
individuals and society as a whole and
so I really started to just feel
horrible not only had I felt like I
entered hell on Earth but I had also
brought other men down there with me and
i' had also inspired a lot of other
girls to follow in my path and it was
around this time that I started to
realize that no amount of money was
worth this I will not deny that for me
only fans was quite lucrative and I used
to think that money would solve all of
my problems but what I've learned now is
that money is not created equally I
realized to some people this is so
obvious but I'm telling you it was not
for me and while it was really nice to
be able to buy whatever I wanted to buy
whatever clothes I wanted to buy
presents for other people all the time
to donate thousands to charity to go on
vacation all the time all of those
things were very nice I suppose but what
I learned is that money is only good if
you make it doing something honorable no
amount of donations to charity is ever
going to wipe away the fact that the
money that I was making was dirty money
all of the shame and all of the horror
that I felt making money in this way
meant that I could never truly enjoy it
that I would always feel horrible that
every time I would buy myself something
I would feel guilt I would go on
vacation and I wouldn't be able to enjoy
myself because I knew that I didn't
deserve it like I didn't deserve to have
the money in the first place to be here
and so I couldn't could even enjoy
myself ultimately it only took me 28
years to realize that no amount of money
is worth selling your soul and
destroying your relationship with God
and just doing something that you know
deep down to be immoral so I think it is
also worth noting but even though I was
quite lucky if you want to call it that
in terms of how much money I made
majority of girls I haven't looked at
the stats recently but I think it was
something like 99% of girls that have an
only fans make 100 $1 a month they're
literally selling their bodies selling
your soul for $100 a month like not that
the amount makes any difference but
still I'm just trying to say whatever I
can to convince any girl out there that
might be thinking about it to just not
do it it is not worth it now we're going
to get to the stuff that's going to be
really hard for me to talk
about okay so without a doubt the worst
part about starting only fans was how it
affected my family life not just the
people in my family and not just my
fiance and making having a healthy
relationship really hard which is all
true but just for privacy sake I'm not
going to touch on that although you can
just make your assumptions and you're
probably not going to be wrong but I
just that's just too far I can't talk
about that but what was even worse than
that for me was realizing that I wanted
to start a family when I originally
started only fans I obviously had a few
people message me saying well but what
are you going to do when you have kids
one day and being the liberal feminist
that I was at the time I quite strongly
felt that I did not want kids so who
cares H Well turns out a lot can change
in 3 years and I've come to realize that
I want nothing more than to have a
family and to have kids and the more
that I came to terms with that the more
that I realize that the more miserable I
got I asked myself the quite obvious
question that lots of people like to ask
me too how can I have kids now after I
made this huge mistake these videos are
on the internet forever and will not
only haunt me but will haunt my kids
forever too I was hearing stories of
other kids whose moms had only fans and
how it really destroyed their mental
health they got bullied they might have
tried to um end their lives and
realizing all of that really destroyed
me because that is all I want all I want
is to have a family and to raise kids
and now I just can't have kids because I
made this one really really massive
stupid decision and it was after that
full Earth shattering realization when I
came to fully understand what I had done
and how this one mistake that I made
when I was young and dumb would
literally ruin my life forever that I
could never have the life I truly want
because of this and that is when I fully
met God for the first time before I was
just curious I was just learning but it
was in this one moment that I really
really met God this is like my might
come to Jesus moment if you will once I
realized the whole kid thing I genuinely
didn't want to live anymore it's not
like I had never been depressed before I
was a teenager once and I think we all
go through hard times at that age and
also like I said the last three years
had been really hard I was really really
down all of the time but it was this
belief that I know I couldn't have kids
anymore and that therefore I couldn't
have the life that I want that my soul
yearns for that made me genely genuinely
wonder why should I continue living
and I distinctly remember one day
sitting in my backyard falling my eyes
out just asking God how could I go on
that if he was really there could he
please help me because I was so sad and
I was so lost and I just didn't want to
live
anymore that I had just never felt more
ashamed or regretted something more in
my entire life like the heaviness of it
all really came crashing down on
me and for people who don't know God I
know that this will sound weird but for
those of you who do you'll totally
understand but I swear in that moment
just crying in my backyard I really felt
God's presence like I felt like he was
there he wrapped his arms around me and
he told me everything was going to be
okay he told me that it wasn't over he
told me that he loved me and that he
would help me and that he would guide me
and help me turn my life
around and ultimately there was there
was hope for me that I was not too far
gone that despite at all he still loved
me and he knew that it would be
okay and he told me that kids weren't
out of the question either I mean we can
discuss that whole thing another day but
that was like very hopeful for me to
feel God tell me that my dreams are not
over that there is possible Redemption
and that I can maybe have the life that
I want and that all I had to do is give
my life to him and trust him because God
can really make Beauty out of anything
even my disaster of of a life he can
turn it around he can make Miracles and
that is one of the moments in my life
that I will literally never forget it
was so emotional but so beautiful at the
same time and I'm just so thankful to
God for finding me and not giving up on
a hopeless wret like
myself so um yeah now I am ashamed to
admit that after that day it wasn't the
same day that I went upstairs and I
grabbed my laptop and I clicked delete
on my only fans account that it did
still take me time to really grow
towards God and to trust him and to know
him and to learn about him I think like
I already said I did not grow up
religious so everything related to God
sounded so silly to me and it took me
such a long time to unlearn all of those
barriers and really submit to God and
submit to his plan and just fully trust
him I don't remember how long exactly it
took from that day in my backyard to the
day that I did delete it but I did take
gradual steps to get there so this is
maybe some hope for any of you who are
like me in a similar situation just take
baby steps obviously if you can go and
click delete right now today praise God
that would be so beautiful but if you
are a baby step person like myself then
that is still a step in the right
direction and I think that whatever you
can do right now today is still really
really good so I stopped making content
um I completely stopped making any new
videos I still posted I basically went
back and reposted all my old old stuff
just to still look like I was active but
I wasn't making any more content which
that in itself was not only a huge
relief cuz like I said I hated making
content oh my gosh it was the worst so
that was a relief and it also was a
really really scary a really scary step
for me because at this time and still
now like I'm not making any money and I
my only income was only fans and I
didn't know how I was going to be able
to pay my mortgage how I was going to
pay my bills how I was just going to
survive so not making content and that I
was going to have a big pay cut and it
was just really really scary okay I know
that for some people who are amazing
it's not good enough but whatever that's
just the truth I was terrified and I was
really really proud of myself for at
least taking a step in the right
direction and then a few months after
that I remember crying thinking about
how I really really wanted to just
completely delete it at the time when I
had stopped making content I told myself
that I would just keep it for another
year and then maybe delet it after that
because again I was so scared of the
money like how am I going to pay my
bills
how are we going to survive and I also
felt like my chances of having a normal
career cuz it's not like I'm stupid like
I have skills I could definitely get a
job if I hadn't made this mistake but I
felt like now because of this no one's
going to want to hire me how am I ever
going to have a real job and am I just
going to be homeless now like all of the
fears that kind of run through your mind
it was really really scary but only a
few months after that I really just felt
so called by God I would read my Bible I
would pray and all I would hear back
from God every single time time was girl
delete your account just trust me hit
the delete
button and every time I'd be like God
please give me the strength please help
me like this is just so scary and
hard and I remember the day that it
happened I'll literally never forget
this I was just sitting in bed and I was
reading my Bible and I was praying and I
could just feel God so strongly and his
presence was just so great
and he was just telling me to just trust
him to lean on him that he would take
care of me that all I had to do was just
give my life to
him and so I grabbed my laptop I pulled
up my account and I clicked delete and
oh my gosh like just the rush of
emotions that I felt I felt first of all
so much relief like just all of this
weight that I felt like I had been
carrying on my shoulders all this shame
all of this guilt it felt like it all
just was taken away in that moment and
it was so
freeing and and just oh the best feeling
ever and I felt so much gratitude like I
was really ping my eyes out thanking God
for giving me this strength to do
something that was one of the hardest
and scariest things that I've ever done
in my whole life because it was just a
very vulnerable and a very scary place
to be in but in that moment I felt so
much hope as well and so much trust in
God and just that feeling when
you die to yourself and you give your
life to God and you fully submit to his
will and his wishes and you just commit
in that moment that whatever he tells
you to do you are going to do no matter
what you are going to always do the
right
thing no matter how scary no matter how
uncertain no matter how much you might
not see the future and it might be
really unclear I am the kind of person I
like to have a 10-year plan and to see
where everything is going to go and how
everything is all going to pan out but
deleting my only fans was not a part of
the equation and I did not know how
things I still don't really know how
things are you're going to pan
out and anyways in that moment just
fully submitting being like okay God
Jesus Take the Wheel like seriously it
was so incredible and I'm just so
thankful for that
moment and so some people have asked me
what was it that made you turn your life
around what was it that made you let go
of your past life and start this new one
and it was just without question god
without question I feel like God was
always looking for me always seeking me
out like when I look back at everything
that happened in my life I can see God
working in it all and always trying to
reach out and to find me and I feel like
especially these last couple of years I
was looking for God too even if I didn't
really realize it at the time it wasn't
like it was always conscious but we were
seeking out each other and we finally
found each other and it is just like
it's the best it really is the best so
how has my life changed since I really
wish I could sit here right now and tell
you all of these amazing things that
have happened to me because I feel like
it'd be a lot more encouraging to girls
in a similar situation and just more
inspiring more amazing whatever but
truly there is nothing um surface level
that I can really point to like nothing
visual nothing like oh I got this
amazing job now and oh I'm making lots
of money and everything is fine or oh my
man got a promotion and now we're
totally good like none of those things I
can really
say um but I think something that is
even more valuable that is easy to
overlook is how I feel on the inside I
feel so much peace gratitude and joy
every day I wake up and I just feel
happy it's not always easy cuz like I
said things are still quite uncertain
for me in my life right now but living
for God and living Sorry I cut the
camera cut out and having a relationship
with God is truly the greatest thing
that has ever happened to me and I wish
it for everyone and so even though yeah
I nothing I don't really have a lot of
things figured out I do have God and
that is worth more than anything else
anything else no money is worth not
having a relationship with God and I
feel so much peace and even though I may
not understand how it's all going to
work out that's okay because I trust God
and I know that he will take care of me
and I know that he will lead me down
whatever path is best for me and that is
just something that money cannot buy and
it is so so worth it and so the obvious
question that some of you might have is
like what am I doing for money now
because I am not making any money from
only fans and that was the only way that
I was making money at the time and long
story short I'm not making any money
right now I have started a small
business but it is so teeny tiny it's
probably going to take forever if ever
to actually pay any of my bills but that
is okay and you know why because God has
shown me that there is hope that there
is potential for me that I am smart and
capable and hardworking and I can do
something good with my life something
that I can feel good about that people
people ask me so what do you do for
living and I can tell them without
wanting to curl up in a ball and cry
that is just so incredible God has sh me
that I'm not stuck that I what I used to
think was that I can only do only fans
that's all that I'm good for cuz no one
will ever hire me I won't be able to do
anything else with my life I'm just
stuck with this and God has shown me
that that's actually not true that that
was just me lying to myself or maybe the
devil lying I don't know whatever but it
was not true that I can turn my life
around that I am capable of great things
and if any girls are watching this who
are on the same boat I want you to know
that as well that you are full of
potential you are full of redemption and
God has a plan for you all you have to
do is ask him to show you the way and he
literally will he will and it's it's the
best and yeah I can with 100% certainty
tell you that any Financial Security
that came from having only fans was not
worth all of the pain and that I really
do trust that God will take care of me
and that it will all work out in the end
but it remains to be seen what that
actually is is and I'm learning to be
okay with that uncertainty so yeah a lot
of questions about do you worry about
having enough money and truthfully I
would be lying if I said that I didn't
like yes I definitely worry about money
um but I'm trying my best not to because
God calls us to have no fear and to not
worry and to trust him and to have faith
and so far in my life really he's always
been good to me so I have no real reason
to doubt him or have fear and no matter
what happens I know that will ultimately
be for the best I was joking in a video
recently but truly I still believe this
that if I'm not able to pay my mortgage
and I am homeless and I'm living in a
tent as much as I do not want that
please Lord I do not want that but if
that happens then maybe that is for the
best like I'm trying my best to view
everything in a lens of whatever happens
God is taking care of me and perhaps
learning to live with less will
ultimately be better for me in the long
run and so I'm just trying to have faith
and to trust his plan no matter what
that looks like and even if it might not
be what I want in the moment always
always always longterm God is looking
out for me and God
can and whatever I am put through I know
will ultimately be for my best and maybe
will be full of lots of lessons or
something so I'm trying to always view
things from just that positive lens and
that really really helps and I plan on
trying my best to continue sharing my
story and my journey in the hopes of
helping other women get out of this
horrible horrible industry and also men
any men who are watching pornography I
hope I can encourage you to stop as well
I really just hope that my story can
have a positive impact and that God can
make something beautiful out of it and
for any girls watching in a similar
situation to me I hope that you can
learn to trust God and to take the leap
and to know that you are worth so much
more than your body and you have so much
more to offer the
world and that God has better plans for
you like I said at the beginning I get
tons of messages messages every day from
girlss in similar situations and a lot
of them have found a way out and gotten
to the other side and built a beautiful
life for themselves and I know that you
can too and yeah if there's any way that
I can help just send me a DM okay I'm
just going to address a couple of really
common comments and questions to finish
so the first one I get this all the time
how does your fiance feel about you
being a former of girl or anything kind
of in relation to him and I completely
understand the Curiosity about this
but I we both just want to keep our
relationship private so that it's not
something I'm going to really comment on
much now maybe in the future but yeah
something I want to keep private I will
say though that he is the one in all of
my videos we made them together and we
quit it together and I'm really thankful
that despite all the pressure to make
content with other men that I didn't
because I feel like coming back from
only fans and having a good relationship
together is just hard enough in general
I can't imagine making it work if I had
made videos with other men so I'm very
thankful for that and I also just want
to make it clear that it was my idea
like like I said we broke up at the time
when I made it he had nothing to do with
it if anything I pressured him into it
and I feel horrible for that can add
that to the list of shame that I have
okay a lot of questions like literally
every day someone comments about how
this is all just a grift which if you
haven't heard the term grift cuz I kind
of hadn't either until I started getting
this comments it just means someone who
is like lying and being fake for the
sake of making money and and um I think
that's really silly because if I wanted
money I would have just never quit only
fans in the first place like that just
doesn't make sense once a 304 always a
304 if any of you aren't familiar with
the red pill manosphere kind of
community there are a lot of guys that
really hate on some of the things they
say are absolutely true like I
understand where they're coming from in
some senses because I do believe that
modern feminism has ruined a lot of
things in our society but that's a whole
topic for another day but yes they like
to really hate on any woman that maybe
have a past and have been permiss and
while I 100% would encourage girls to
wait until marriage and to try to be
selective about who they sleep with and
to obviously never ever ever have an
only fans I think that that's the
beautiful thing about God is that there
is always Redemption and you can always
turn your life around and so any of you
girls out there don't listen to these
men because honestly most of the time
they're just unhappy and just kind of
saying mean things on the internet
because it makes them feel good at least
for a fleeting moment and so don't
listen to them don't let them get you
down you are not worthless you are not
hopess there is a man out there that
will love you you just need to repent
and turn to God I swear and it will all
be okay and also just a note on a lot of
those guys too I don't want this to come
I feel like I'm bashing okay I don't
mean to be but I'm just trying to point
this out that a lot of the 304 hating
guys they're still watching porn every
single day and I think that we all have
our own sins and things that we are
trying to move away from and I think it
would be great if the 304 guys could
spend less time hating other girls and
more time bettering themselves and not
contributing to that same cycle like if
you are watching porn on one hand and
then getting mad at girls for making
porn on the other hand it just something
doesn't make sense a lot of people say
they can't respect me now and I
understand that I do um but thankfully
that's the beautiful thing about coming
to God is that you actually don't do
things for other people's appr approval
or respect you do it for God so all I
really care about is that God loves me
and that God respects me I guess so
totally fine by me you don't have to
like me you don't have to respect me
that's fine it's totally fine I also get
a lot of questions and comments of
people saying that I'm just doing this
for attention and I realized after
telling you my whole life story that I
might seem like a crazy person but I
swear I'm quite levelheaded now and no
sane person wants attention for
something like this like I I do not want
this I would much rather just disappear
into the middle of nowhere and not talk
about this ever again the only reason
I'm here doing this right now the the
only reason I post any of the videos on
this subject is because I really feel
like God has been calling me and telling
me to do so that he wants me to help
other girls get out of this hell and so
that's why I'm speaking about it is not
because I want attention because I don't
want attention and I especially don't
want attention about something like this
like this is not a good subject to get
attention about so no but I understand
the um skepticism I suppose and one
other one I forgot to write down but I
was thinking about this this morning a
lot of the 304 guys and just people
people in general will tell you that
because you had an only fans because you
have a past that you can not have kids
now you canot have a family and I
understand the sentiment or the idea
because obviously I went through all of
that and I definitely still have my
doubts and I'm definitely still unsure
and when we come time to start trying
for a child with my fiance um I really
am just going to leave it up to God and
if God gives me one then that's amazing
and I'll be so happy but if he doesn't
then I understand that God knows what is
best sorry my Ador just want off um but
I have to say this that there are so
many people not even just girls but guys
that are in the porn industry as well
just people in general that have had a
history that have a past that were able
to start a family have kids and live
beautiful happy amazing lives that it is
always possible to turn your life around
and that you don't need to give up on
yourself now sure does that mean that if
I do have kids in the future they won't
ever be bullied or won't ever have to
deal with the consequences of my actions
that is so true
and again why I am still like worried
about all of it but I think that it is
possible to use your story and to talk
to your kids about all of the mistakes
that you have made and tell them that
that is why they need God and I think
that depending on how you raise your
kids and the kind of people that you
expose them to it is possible
to not have that ruin their life and
instead make them realize that oh my mom
is a human too and she made mistakes
because she didn't know God and that's
why they need to hopefully always know
God and I don't know I am not an expert
on that I don't have kids yet but I know
that it is possible because other people
before me have done it so if you're a
girl watching this you think that your
life is over that there is no hope
because you can't have kids you can't
have a happy relationship none of that
is true okay but the first step is
turning to God and then trust that he
will lead the rest of the
way okay oh hi Maui you want to say
hi he's Maui I guess it wouldn't be a
video that him saying hello good boy um
okay so that's everything I feel like
this was
probably really long and I hope it made
sense because I really was nervous like
I said and I'm sorry if I looked at my
notes too much but again nervous what
can you do thank you for watching I
really appreciate it if you got to the
end even if you watched all of this and
you still think that I'm crazy I really
hope that it planted a seed or something
I don't know I hope it has some kind of
positive impact on you and I wish you
the best again if you're a girl in a
similar situation I can't say that's
enough but please just yum me let me try
to help you whatever I way I can because
um I've been there and I know how hard
it is and just a lot of girls that get
involved in the sex industry end up
taking their own life once they realize
what they've done and I just don't want
you to do that I want you to instead
pick up your phone and shoot me a
message and let me help you or even
better pick up your Bible and pray and
talk to
God yeah okay thanks for watching
appreciate it give the video a thumbs up
subscribe if you haven't already uh I
don't I make lots of videos that are
kind of random but talking about God is
like one of my favorite subjects so he
makes a lot of the cameos along with
videos about homesteading and cooking
and just life in general and follow me
on Instagram @w
theilade I need to go distress now that
was crazy but I'm so happy that I
finally filmed this video because I've
been putting it off for ages so yeah
going to go now sending you lots of love
I hope you have an amazing rest of your
week and if you'd like me to make any
other videos or you have any more
questions on this subject I'm more than
happy to cuz like I said I do feel
called to make this kind of content even
if I don't really want to okay see you
soon thanks for watching bye