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Assistant: Title: See What Teasing Gets You?
        Author: WangxianHualianBL WangxianHualianBL 
        Chapter: 1/3 
        Summary: “You began the war,” Lan Wangji replied, unmoved. “I simply prepared for escalation.”
        Contents: Chapter 1
    

    


  

  
  
    
    The stillness of Cloud Recesses was only occasionally interrupted by birdsong or the rustle of a passing breeze. Sunlight filtered softly through the lattice windows of the library pavilion, casting dappled patterns on the polished floors. Lan Wangji sat serenely at his desk, brush in hand, copying a scroll with his usual precision and grace. Every line was deliberate, every movement measured.Naturally, this tranquil scene could not last long.From the corner of the room, where he was sprawled across a cushion like a cat with too much energy and not enough discipline, Wei Wuxian groaned dramatically. “Lan Zhan, I’m bored.”His husband didn’t even look up. “Read.”“I’ve already read everything. Twice,” Wuxian drawled, rolling over onto his stomach with a huff. “The third time, I started annotating things with suggestive doodles, and you confiscated my brush. Harsh, Lan Wangji. Very harsh.”“Hn.”Wei Wuxian narrowed his eyes, sensing an opportunity.With all the grace of a prowling predator, he crept across the floor until he was beside the writing desk, resting his chin on folded arms. “Lan Zhan~,” he purred, his voice lilting with playful affection, “Don’t you want to entertain your tragically under-stimulated, devastatingly charming husband?”“You are fully capable of entertaining yourself,” Lan Wangji replied without pausing his writing.“Oh? Should I take that as permission?” Wuxian teased, eyebrows raised. “But no, no—today I want your company. Your icy, elegant, smoldering company.”He leaned closer, lowering his voice to a theatrical whisper. “Lan Er Gege~… Don’t be so cold. You wound me.”Lan Wangji’s grip on his brush tightened, just slightly.“Control yourself,” he murmured.Wei Wuxian gasped in mock outrage. “Now you sound just like Hanguang-jun! So serious. So composed. So tragically allergic to fun. Is that written into the Gusu Lan rules somewhere? Must be Rule 4000 or something—‘Thou shalt not laugh, under penalty of judgmental eyebrows.’”“Rule 3127,” Lan Wangji replied, finally glancing at him. “‘Maintain composure.’”Wuxian’s eyes sparkled. “You actually know the number?! That’s terrifying. Wait—what’s Rule 69?”Without missing a beat, Lan Wangji responded, “Do not provoke others unnecessarily.”Wei Wuxian stared at him. Then he burst into laughter. “You totally made that up!”“I did not.”“You did! You did!” Wuxian cackled, practically vibrating with delight. “Hanguang-jun, are you teasing me? Who taught you that? Was it me? It was me, wasn’t it?”Lan Wangji set down his brush, folding his hands in front of him. “You may continue,” he said. “But if you call me ‘Lan Er Gege’ one more time…”Wei Wuxian wiggled his eyebrows and batted his eyes. “What, you’ll kiss me into silence?”Lan Wangji’s tone was even, but his eyes gleamed with quiet mischief. “No. I will go to the kitchen. I will find the cooks. And I will ask them to prepare only bitter melon for every meal this week.”Wei Wuxian froze. “You wouldn’t.”Lan Wangji leaned in slightly. “And I will make sure it is boiled. Plain.”“You monster.”“Rule 185: Know your opponent.”Wei Wuxian groaned, flopping dramatically into his lap. “You’re evil.”Lan Wangji allowed a single, barely-there smirk to tug at the corner of his mouth as he resumed writing. “Hn.”Wei Wuxian draped dramatically across Lan Wangji’s lap like a man in mourning—grieving, specifically, the threat of plain boiled bitter melon. It was, in his opinion, the cruelest kind of culinary betrayal. And what made it worse was the fact that Lan Zhan—stoic, serene, proper Lan Zhan—had delivered it with such infuriating calm.“I see how it is,” he muttered into his husband’s robes, voice muffled and pouty. “You’ve turned into a domestic tyrant. I married a man, and somehow ended up with a bitter melon warlord.”“You began the war,” Lan Wangji replied, unmoved. “I simply prepared for escalation.”Wei Wuxian slowly turned his head to look up at him, eyes narrowed. “That sounds suspiciously like something I would say.”“Hn.”“…I should never have let you spend so much time around me. I’ve corrupted you.”“Agreed.”There was a beat of silence.“…Wait.”But Wangji had already picked up his brush again, like nothing had happened. Wuxian scowled. Alright. Two can play at that game.He waited until Wangji was fully absorbed in his scroll again, then stood with all the stealth he could muster—moving with the careful silence of a ghost, or possibly a bored cultivator on a mission of petty vengeance. His eyes scanned the room for something—anything—that might serve his purposes.Then he saw it: the guqin.Wei Wuxian’s grin was immediate and devilish. Slowly, reverently, he approached it like a man approaching a sacred relic… or a loaded weapon.He strummed a single, dissonant chord.Lan Wangji paused.“Touch it again,” he said without turning, “and I will summon the rabbits.”“…Wait, is that a punishment?”“They will sleep on your side of the bed. All of them.”Wuxian stared at him, aghast. “You’d weaponize the rabbits?”“They are very warm. You do not handle heat well.”Wei Wuxian flailed a hand toward the heavens. “Hanguang-jun! That is diabolical!” Then he paused, visibly considering. “Although… they are very soft…”“You may choose: rabbits, or bitter melon.”“You are unrecognizable,” Wuxian muttered. “You used to be sweet and quiet and easy to fluster. Now you’re practically an evil mastermind with perfect hair and devastating comebacks.”A small pause, and then, dry as dust: “Thank you.”Wei Wuxian huffed and flopped back down onto the floor in defeat, splayed like a starfish. “Fine. You win this round.”Lan Wangji didn’t respond—though the faintest glint in his eye gave him away. Quiet satisfaction, subtly worn.But Wei Wuxian wasn’t one to give up easily. As he lay on the floor, plotting his next move, he muttered just loud enough for Lan Wangji to hear:“…Lan Er Gege~…”There was a sound of brush meeting inkstone a little too firmly.“…I warned you.”And with that, Lan Wangji rose.Wei Wuxian barely had time to scramble to his feet before he was swept up into a bridal carry—a sudden, fluid movement with the practiced ease of a man who had done this many times before.“Ah—Lan Zhan!” he squawked. “Where are we going?!”“To the kitchen.”“Noooo!”'
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