Chapter12: The Thriving Coach

Last Words from Coach Meg
It's all well and good for coaches to help their clients grow, change, and thrive. However, a coach's integrity depends on walking the walk, continually growing and learning, and, even better, modeling thriving.
As we have explored throughout this manual, there are many models and constructs for human thriving and well-being. Let’s do a quick tour and consider how coaches can use this manual’s lessons to thrive themselves. Then we will leave you with a provocative new model and a call to action.
In Chapter 1, we introduced self-determination theory (Deci & Ryan, 2002), which is a model for human thriving. A coach thrives if their needs for autonomy, relatedness, and competence are met.
In Chapter 2, we explored key coaching skills that underpin the evocative collaboration of coaching, which supports the thriving of both coach and client in the moment. Not only are clients energized and inspired by a generative coaching session, but coaches are too. These are often the peak moments in a coach’s work life.
Chapter 3 helps coaches consider new ways to fully engage and manifest their strengths in coaching and beyond. New tools for navigating and settling negative emotions are explored in Chapter 4, and these are just as helpful for coaches as for clients—learning to suffer well and quickly finding the calm in an emotional storm.
In Chapter 5, we introduced the field of positive psychology, dedicated to studying what makes humans thrive, mostly mentally. The field’s founder, Martin Seligman (2011), made a call to action for 51% of the population to flourish by 2051, an increase from around 20% of the population today, through positive emotions, engagement, better relationships, and purpose beyond self. Coaches are leading the way and inspiring their clients to do the same.
Digging out autonomous heartfelt motivation and life force and pouring that motivational energy into getting better, improving competence, and confidence—explored in Chapter 6—is a recipe for thriving while changing and growing every day. Coaches can do this by trying out new coaching tools or taking risks in coaching sessions.
Chapter 7 explores the characteristics of early stages of readiness to change when people may feel stuck in chronic contemplation. Coaches can quickly recognize their personal readiness and stay focused on new habits of mind and body that they are ready, willing, and able to develop. They can also set more intimidating goals aside.
There is no shortage of assessments of various aspects and constructs of well-being, a few of which we introduced in Chapter 8, to help coaches continually take stock and explore new opportunities to upgrade their own well-being.
Coaches benefit from designing visions, goals, and experiments as much as clients do. They can model focused attention on a thoughtful future-oriented, flexible, and structured approach to personal change, as we explore in Chapter 9.
In Chapters 10 and 11, where we describe the processes of coaching during sessions, we show how clients design visions, goals, and fully unpack their experience toward their goals. A key takeaway for coaches is to work with a coach themselves regularly to experience the creative generativity, shifts, and transformations in mindset that happen consistently with a skilled coach.
Before we say goodbye, which is never easy even when writing a book, we want to share a provocative new approach to thriving, and also to emotional intelligence, mindfulness, and coaching, as explored in a published hypothesis paper: "Coaching the Multiplicity of Mind: A Strengths-Based Approach" (Moore, 2013), the basis for a book underway, which follows our first book "Organize Your Mind, Organize Your Life" (Hammerness & Moore, 2011). No doubt this second edition of the Coaching Psychology Manual will be out of date in several years, and new constructs and research-based coaching tools will be added to the next edition. In the meantime, this model offers a new lens and contributes to a larger dialogue on what it means to thrive.
Human Thriving—Nine Primary Capacities
The basis of the model is that the psyche is made up of a set of discrete human needs, drives, or capacities that manifest as sub-personalities, all together creating an ongoing inner dialogue and ever-changing kaleidoscope of agendas and concerns. These capacities communicate their agendas via voices, emotions, and physical sensations, continuously signaling whether needs are being met or not. Thriving from this perspective happens when we are able to decode our genetically based needs and capacities, meet those needs, and use the capacities as fully as possible. With that in mind, we describe nine primary capacities that together contribute to human thriving. These capacities won’t seem new or surprising, as we have touched on the themes throughout this manual. It’s a testament to the coaching field that coaches have integrated the major evidence-based themes of human thriving into the coaching toolbox. The summary that follows is adapted from an International Coach Federation Coaching World article titled “From Surviving to Thriving” (Moore, 2014).
1.	Body Regulation
Along with all living organisms, humans have a primary need for a healthy and calm equilibrium of our physiological systems—a need to move from chaos to homeostasis over and over. As Stephen W. Porges (2007) outlines in his polyvagal theory, our bodies seek a balance of exertion with rest and recharge. They strive for homeostasis, stability, safety, health, and a robust autonomic nervous system, balancing sympathetic (stress) and parasympathetic (rest and recover) activity. Listening to the body’s signals tells us when it’s time to calm the nervous system, which calms the mind and improves brain function in the short term and delays disease and early death in the long term. Given the epidemics of lifestyle-related chronic disease, the body regulator is a voice that is getting drowned out by other needs. Coaches can help clients tune into their “body intelligence,” learning to listen to basic needs for balance, physical energy, and health (Gavin & Moore, 2010) by encouraging them to pay attention to the signals of the body within coaching sessions through mindfulness and other practices of intention.
An existential question posed by this part of our psyches is “Do I have the physical and other resources I need to live fully?”
2.	Autonomy
Psychologists Edward L. Deci and Richard M. Ryan (2002), who have studied human motivation for three decades, leading to their robust theory of self-determination, conclude that autonomy—the drive to march to one’s own drummer—is the first, primary organismic need. To thrive, we need to be authentic and author a life aligned with our values. Autonomous motivation that taps into one’s life force is not only a stand-alone force for thriving; it is the type of motivation that enables elusive habits, including healthy eating, exercise, and weight loss and maintenance, to be sustained. It is a far superior fuel source to external motivators, such as incentives, prizes, or the fear-based “stick” of external or internal critics.
An existential question posed by this part of our psyches is “Am I doing the right things in my life, marching to my own drummer, aligned with my heartfelt values?”
3.	Making Meaning and Purpose
Clinical psychologist Paul Wong (2014) is one of the most passionate spokespeople for the importance of making meaning and finding purpose beyond oneself in each moment, in each domain of life, and over the arc of a lifetime. In his chapter, “Viktor Frankl’s Meaning Seeking Model and Positive Psychology,” Wong keeps alive the legendary psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor’s story, as told in "Man’s Search for Meaning" (Frankl, 2006). The story told is how an unshakable purpose was essential to surviving four Nazi concentration camps. A sense of a higher purpose is a potent source of life fuel, especially when times are tough. For example, a team of researchers at Chicago’s Rush Alzheimer’s Disease Center and Rush University Medical Center found that a sense of life purpose significantly improves cognitive function in people with Alzheimer’s disease. Meanwhile, Barbara Fredrickson and colleagues made scientific headlines in 2013 with an experiment, now repeated twice, which showed that people with a low level of life purpose had three impaired gene pathways in their immune systems, whereas people with a high level of life purpose had healthy gene expression of these three gene pathways. Our genes may reward us for being connected to a cause larger than ourselves by fighting off cold and flu viruses and other invaders that could make us ill.
An existential question posed by this part of our psyches is “Am I contributing to making the world a better place in small or larger ways?”
4.	Relationships
Serving others, taking care of others, being compassionate and kind, and at times choosing to put the needs of others ahead of our own are important sources of human thriving. Indeed, Deci and Flaste (1996) identify relatedness as another innate psychological need. In "Love 2.0: How Our Supreme Emotion Affects Everything We Feel, Think, Do, and Become," Fredrickson (2013) encourages us to “make love all day long”; in other words, to infuse each moment in another’s company with your full attention, your head and heart in it together. In addition to simply feeling good, sharing positive emotions with others creates micro-moments of connection, which calm the nervous system and improve brain function. Over time, these micro-moments accumulate to help delay disease and avoid early death. Compassion for negative emotions experienced by ourselves and others is a soothing balm. Just like crying babies, negative emotions need a warm, appreciative embrace to settle and allow us to get on with our day.
An existential question posed by this part of our psyches is “Am I helping others meet their needs, channel their drives, honor their values, and use their capacities, also for concerns beyond self-interest?”
5.	Confidence and Competence
Confidence—what Albert Bandura (1997) put on the map as the psychological term “self-efficacy”—is a strong predictor of successful performance in work goals and creating new health habits. As Henry Ford stated, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t—you’re right.” Deci and Ryan’s (2002) self-determination theory identifies competence as one of three primary organismic needs, suggesting that acquiring new knowledge and skills, applying our chief strengths, and continually growing confidence are all vital lifetime pursuits. A well-being-focused coaching engagement or self-coaching process can get us on the right track, instilling confidence in the ability to combine a full work and family life with a focus on self-care and well-being; this includes exercising safely, cooking well, keeping a healthy and stable weight, sleeping peacefully, and taming the overwhelming frenzy brought on by a life switch stuck in the “on” position.
An existential question posed by this part of our psyches is “Am I getting better, more competent, and confident?”
6.	Curiosity and New Experience Seeking
Psychologist Todd Kashdan (2012) asserts that curiosity is a primary driver of human well-being, writing, “When we experience curiosity, we are willing to leave the familiar and routine and take risks, even if it makes us feel anxious and uncomfortable. Curious explorers are comfortable with the risks of taking on new challenges. Instead of trying desperately to explain and control our world, as a curious explorer, we embrace uncertainty and see our lives as an enjoyable quest to discover, learn, and grow.” The primary need for new experiences to explore, learn, and change is easy to see in curious children but is often squashed by the demands of adult life. This is an important capacity for adapting to an ever-changing world: being ever-curious and never taking anything for granted, including one’s assumptions and beliefs. In fact, Kashdan notes that declining curiosity is one of the important early signs of dementia and Alzheimer’s disease. Coaches support clients in shifting to the perspective that life is just one big set of experiments with unpredictable outcomes.
An existential question posed by this part of our psyches is “Am I open and curious and engaged in life’s adventures?”
7.	Creativity
We also quickly see in children a primary capacity to be creative, generative, imaginative, and spontaneous, but these traits often seem out of reach for adults, dealing with overscheduled days and overstretched minds. Creativity improves both mental and physical health. It often works best when our brains are unplugged from deadlines and goals, free to wander. This part of us has fun brainstorming, playing games, and being impulsive. When in full flight, it produces flow states that Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (2008) describes as key to optimal well-being—those moments when we are enjoying an activity so much that we lose track of time. Without undue effort, we execute the activity to the best of our abilities. While the workplace is the best place for experiencing regular flow states, most people do not let themselves enjoy flow states every day because their minds are constrained by overwhelming to-do lists and distractions.
An existential question posed by this part of our psyches is “Am I generative, coming up with new ideas and possibilities to address life’s challenges?”
8.	Executive Function
Thank goodness humans have a primary capacity to be organized, plan, regulate emotions and impulses, and stay on track to get through to-do lists and meet goals. This capacity is highly polished in the workplace (although often at the expense of other capacities previously described). Those with attention deficits need to work harder to build self-regulation skills and to learn to set aside disruptive emotions, impulses, and distractions so that they get the important things done. Executive function gets a powerful boost when people tame their emotional frenzy, exercise regularly, sleep well, and eat a healthy diet.
An existential question posed by this part of our psyches is “Am I doing things right or well?”
9.	Standard Setting
As the most social animals on the planet, humans share a primary need for approval, appreciation, validation, and fair treatment by others. No man is an island. We want to be accepted and valued by our family, friends, colleagues, and communities. This capacity allows us to set the bar or standard, to set goals for our performance, and then to evaluate and judge that performance in ourselves and others across all domains of life, from getting good grades at school to dying well. “Am I good enough?” it asks. At its worst, this capacity is difficult to please. It can be an inner critic, scanning for flaws and faults, or a perfectionist, ever raising the bar. Sadly, a recent study reported that only 11% of women over the age of 50 report satisfaction with their bodies (Runfola et al., 2013), their inner critics depleting their self-esteem every time they look in a mirror. At its best, the inner standard setter is accepting and content, setting the bar to challenge performance while adopting a learning mindset when performance falls short. This state of contentment is difficult for many to find in an achievement-oriented culture and 24/7 pace.
An existential question posed by this part of our psyches in addition to “Am I good enough” is “Am I doing enough?”
When humans welcome, appreciate, and honor all of these discrete and often conflicting needs and agendas, the inner ambivalence and conflicts can settle, even if just a little, bringing more thriving and equanimity. Coaches can help people accept and advocate for all parts of themselves, discover underused capacities, and strive to meet more of their needs more of the time.
The Call for Coaches
In closing, the field of health and wellness coaches, and all health professionals who are applying coaching skills, face an enormous task ahead—that of improving the thriving, mental and physical, of the human race. Roughly 20% of adults are thriving today, so there is a long way to go (Kobau, Sniezek, Zack, Lucas, & Burns, 2010). Unleashing human thriving is the life calling, the highцуфer purpose, for a whole new generation of the thousands of health and wellness coaches we aim to teach and inspire throughout this manual. A small army of health and wellness coaches has emerged in the past decade to focus on unleashing positive mental and physical well-being and making a dent in the epidemics of chronic disease and obesity. We need all hands on deck—not only coaches but anyone who wants to join this effort. Let’s thrive first, and then help everyone we touch get there, too.
Onward and upward.
References
o	Bandura, A. (1997). Self-efficacy: The exercise of control. New York: W. H. Freeman.
o	Csikszentmihalyi, M. (2008). Flow: The psychology of optimal experience. New York: Harper Perennial Modern Classics.
o	Deci, E., & Flaste, R. (1996). Why we do what we do: Understanding self-motivation. New York: Penguin.
o	Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2002). Handbook of self-determination research. New York: University of Rochester Press.
o	Frankl, V. (2006). Man’s search for meaning. Boston, MA: Beacon Press.
o	Fredrickson, B. (2013). Love 2.0: How our supreme emotion affects everything we feel, think, do, and become. New York: Hudson Press.
o	Fredrickson, B., Grewen, K., Coffey, K., Algoe, S., Firestine, A., Arevalo, J., . . . Cole, S. (2013). A functional genomic perspective on human well-being. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America, 110, 13684–13689.
o	Gavin, J., & Moore, M. (2010). Body intelligence: A guide to self-attunement. Retrieved April 27, 2015, from http://www.ideafit.com/fitness-library/body-intelligence-a-guide-to
o	Hammerness, P., & Moore, M. (2011). Organize your mind, organize your life: Train your brain to get more done in less time. New York: Harlequin.
o	Kashdan, T. (2009). Curious?: Discover the missing ingredient to a fulfilling life. New York: HarperCollins.
o	Kobau, R., Sniezek, J., Zack, M., Lucas, R., & Burns, A. (2010). Well-being assessment: An evaluation of well-being scales for public health and population estimates of well-being among US adults. Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being, 2, 272–297.
o	Moore, M. (2013). Coaching the multiplicity of mind: A strengths-based model. Global Advances in Health and Medicine, 2(4), 78–84.
o	Moore, M. (2014). From surviving to thriving [Web log post]. Retrieved April 27, 2015, from http://coachfederation.org/blog/index.php/2090/
o	Porges, S. (2007). The polyvagal perspective. Biological Psychology, 74(2), 116–143.
o	Runfola, C. D., Von Holle, A., Peat, C. M., Gagne, D. A., Brownley, K. A., Hofmeier, S. M., & Bulik, C. M. (2013). Characteristics of women with body size satisfaction at midlife: Results of the Gender and Body Image (GABI) Study. Journal of Women and Aging, 25(4), 287–304.
o	Seligman, M. (2011). Flourish: A visionary new understanding of happiness and well-being. New York: Free Press.
o	Wong, P. T. P. (2014). Viktor Frankl’s meaning-seeking model and positive psychology. In A. Batthyany & P. Russo-Netzer (Eds.), Meaning in existential and positive psychology. New York: Springer Publishing.

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