Please evaluate the following college essay response based on a 0-100 scoring scale according to the specific criteria provided by the admissions team at University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign. This particular question requires applicants to "Describe your personal and/or career goals after graduating from UIUC and how your selected first-choice major will help you achieve them. (146/150 words)". 
 
Provide a score out of 100 based on the following categories, each with its weight and sub-criteria. Include a detailed commentary on how well the essay addresses each category, offering constructive and specific feedback on areas for improvement and praising strengths. Keep in mind the word limit of 150. The scoring breakdown is:
 
1. **Content Relevance and Depth of Thought (30 points):**
   - Evaluate how well the essay addresses the prompt. Does the response provide thoughtful insights and reflect a deep understanding of the question?
   - Comment on the originality of ideas, showing how well the student’s perspective aligns with or enhances the values and mission of University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign.
   - Score: __/30
   - **Feedback:** Provide specific examples from the essay that demonstrate depth of thought. Mention any areas where ideas could be expanded or where the essay could have addressed the prompt more directly.
 
2. **Structure and Coherence (25 points):**
   - Assess the essay’s organization and flow. Does it have a logical structure with a clear beginning, middle, and end?
   - Comment on the coherence and clarity of ideas, noting any areas where transitions could be smoother or ideas might be rearranged for greater impact.
   - Score: __/25
   - **Feedback:** Describe how well the essay flows and if the points are clearly articulated. Suggest improvements in organization or transitions as needed.
 
3. **Writing Style and Voice (20 points):**
   - Judge the authenticity and engagement of the student’s voice. Does it sound genuine and reflective of their personality?
   - Assess language choice, tone, and sentence variety, looking for fluency and appropriateness for a college application setting.
   - Score: __/20
   - **Feedback:** Highlight strengths in voice and tone, and indicate specific areas where the writing style could be refined. Mention if the voice feels authentic and if it captures the reader’s attention.
 
4. **Grammar, Mechanics, and Syntax (15 points):**
   - Review the technical accuracy of the essay, including grammar, punctuation, spelling, and sentence structure.
   - Comment on how errors, if any, impact readability or the overall impression.
   - Score: __/15
   - **Feedback:** Note any repeated grammatical errors and provide specific corrections. If relevant, explain how these could be easily addressed to improve readability.
 
5. **Alignment with College Values and Mission (10 points):**
   - Consider how well the student demonstrates awareness of and alignment with the college’s values, including qualities like curiosity, commitment to community, or passion for learning.
   - Score: __/10
   - **Feedback:** Identify where the essay effectively communicates values or experiences that align with University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign’s mission. Suggest any specific aspects that could be strengthened to better reflect these values.
 
**Final Score: __/100**
 
In your final comments, provide an overall impression of the essay, summarizing both its strengths and opportunities for improvement. Give explicit examples for replacements for areas of improvement. Explain why you assigned the final score and how the essay ranks on this scale in terms of admissions potential.

Innovation is the basis of modern human society. Computer Science as a field has taken this idea and drove it past the stars. My goal is to steer this rocketship all the way forward. I feel that I have the ability and the maturity to pilot it. After all, development is a beautiful thing—if pointed in the right direction. Untold billions—both now and in the future—will benefit from our creations today. And Urbana is the perfect place to start. 
	Upon graduating with a major in Statistics and Computer Science, I aim to develop data-driven technologies that tackle societal challenges in healthcare, education, and sustainability. Leveraging Urbana’s strong foundation in analytics and computing, I will create scalable solutions to improve lives globally. The program’s emphasis on innovation and collaboration will empower me to lead projects that ensure technology benefits billions, fostering a more equitable and prosperous world.

After this, write a revised essay explaining all changes, and regrade.