can you please tell me how do we really manage and process emotions, like really, how to take good descisions and all that type of general life stuff, im finding it pretty hard to do that these days, like a real good framework and thinking mindset etc.. whatever that isEditLet me share a practical framework for processing emotions and making decisions. I'll break this down into manageable parts:

Emotion Processing Framework:


First, PAUSE. When you feel overwhelmed, take a deliberate step back. Just breathe for a few moments.
IDENTIFY: Put a name to what you're feeling. Are you anxious? Frustrated? Sad? Just giving it a label helps your brain process it.
LOCATE: Where do you feel it in your body? Tension in shoulders? Knot in stomach? This physical awareness helps ground you.
ACCEPT: Don't fight the emotion. It's just information, like a warning light on your car's dashboard.


Decision-Making Process:


Write down the decision you need to make
List your options (all of them, even seemingly unlikely ones)
For each option, ask:

What's the best that could happen?
What's the worst?
What's most likely?


Sleep on big decisions when possible. Our brains process while we rest.


Daily Mindset Practices:


Morning check-in: How am I feeling today? What's my main priority?
Regular breaks: Step away from situations when feeling overwhelmed
Evening reflection: What went well? What could I do differently tomorrow?

Would you like me to expand on any of these areas? I'm curious - which part do you find most challenging right now? CopyRetryAEthe thing is ive been feeling recently pulled into autopilot mode, my life feels out of control and i dont really feel much, whenever im thinking smthn a counter feeling or thought strikes which tends to distort good thinking and tends to turn the bad thinking to good, its a double edged sword, its my mind against my mind, im really ig lazy or in the comfort zone, im literally skipping stuff that is good for me and i dont want that, i feel awful after doing that, sometimes on youtube shorts for hours, instead i shouuld be studying, sometimes im just like waste time without even knowing it, time goes like light speed, everyday, i cant even see where it all went, like in 20 min naps and short breaks hours pass like idk how, and when im studying or anything it feels like hours, im on the verge of emotional collapse some days off this overwhelming guilt pain and regret, please please i beg you help me, please, im trying out a lot of thing but almost none work, why im not my old me anymore!? i feel bad, earlier i used to be energetic and enthusiastic and not that negative of a thinker, etc.. i used to really do stuffEditI hear how much pain and frustration you're feeling. What you're describing - the autopilot mode, time slipping away, the internal battle, and missing your former self - this is a pattern I recognize. Let me break this down carefully:

The Autopilot Trap
What's happening is your brain has likely gotten stuck in a stress-avoidance cycle:


Stress/guilt about tasks → Seek quick comfort (YouTube, naps) → Temporary relief → More guilt → More avoidance

Breaking this requires small, gentle steps, not harsh self-criticism. When you're fighting against yourself, adding more pressure often backfires.

Practical First Steps:


Start super small: Set a 5-minute timer for studying. Just 5 minutes. That's all you commit to.
Put your phone in another room during these 5 minutes
After 5 minutes, you can choose to continue or stop
Gradually increase this time as it feels manageable


For the Time Distortion:


Use a physical timer (not phone) for breaks
Set alarms that actually require you to get up to turn them off
Have a dedicated study space different from your relaxation space


For the Internal Battle:
When those contradicting thoughts come:


Write them down (literally on paper)
Label them: "This is my anxiety talking" or "This is my comfort-seeking part"
Remember both sides are trying to protect you, just in different ways


Reconnecting with Your Former Self:


What specific activities used to energize you?
Can you start with just 10 minutes of one of those activities?

Would you be willing to try something very small right now? Like setting a 5-minute timer for one tiny task? Sometimes just breaking that initial paralysis is the hardest part.
I'm also wondering - have you noticed any specific trigger or change that happened when you started feeling this shift from your former self? CopyRetryAEwell ig i really lost a lot of will of mine due to i was caught cheating on a test with my smartwatch, tho i admit it was my mistake and thats what makes me so guilty about it, also, then out of desparation to study i broke up with my gf just after this incident and a lot of sleeplss nights too, then i fell into for a year of depression then took pills, its been 6+ months i have fully recovered and im fineEditI see - this is a complex web of experiences that would shake anyone's foundation. The cheating incident, breakup, depression, and medication - that's a lot to process. It makes perfect sense why you're struggling to reconnect with your former self. Let me share a perspective that might help:

Understanding the Impact:


The cheating incident was a major shock to your self-image
The guilt shows your strong moral compass
Breaking up under stress added another layer of loss
Depression and medication changed your brain chemistry


Rebuilding Self-Trust:
When we make mistakes that clash with our values (like cheating), we often punish ourselves far longer than necessary. Try this:


Acknowledge: "Yes, I made that mistake"
Learn: "It taught me about integrity"
Release: "I've paid the price and learned - I can let this go now"


Recovery Reality Check:
Being "fully recovered" medically doesn't mean emotionally healed. It's okay if you're still:


Rebuilding your confidence
Learning to trust your decisions again
Finding your natural rhythms


Practical Steps Forward:
Start with self-forgiveness exercises:


Each morning, say: "Today is new. My past mistakes don't define me"
When guilt hits, counter with: "I learned, I grew, I'm moving forward"

Would focusing on rebuilding self-trust resonate with you? Sometimes what looks like laziness or lack of motivation is actually a fear of trusting ourselves again. We can work on specific strategies for that if you'd like.
Remember: Your worth isn't defined by that one test or decision. You're showing remarkable self-awareness and desire to grow - that's actually a sign of strength, not weakness. CopyRetryAEid like you to ask me question which maybe deep ig, like ask me good questions and which i answer and maybe you can help me decode stuff about me so it would help me off, uk like therapists ask, you can ask as many ans as long as you want, and this can be fine, like u should know that ima student and im using free claude version and it has limits so i might soon run out, so ask all that in one go, also id say that, ik u arent a therapist so its okay, a rough examination is also better than nothing, you can ask me questions from any timeline, im 18, im in my drop year, im preparing for jee rn, my exam is soon in about 1.5 months, and any info u might want later on, dont worry to ask personal info im fine to give that, and ill be open, and dw ill be considerate of how much ill share in terms of personal info, also ill give u an example here, for example, i watched a youtube video in which sadia khan the dating coach and the phsycologist she was talking about like how many relationships fail, like most of them on the basis of like when the men, they think highly of women, uk like giving them more importance and uk like their attention and approval matters the most, like the woman is a mom and the man the child, and she pointed out that, this happens when usually the men had, like the absence of a fatherly figure or uk lack or maybe it was neglectant or not avalible or deemed as bad from the mum side, so the child attaches completely to the mom and what mom wants a obideint child and all that, so they learn about women from mom and then thy follow this in relaitionships cuz thats they know and it fires back, i felt that, i related to it cuz my father lived far when i was a kid, so that was a bit of problem a bit earlier for me, but ig internet has blessed me, i had already fixed it before i got to know about its real cause, uk so like i want that kind of relaisation, not like the things i have already fixed, like i mean i want that level of insight from you when i answer the questions please :)
and a thanks to you for helping me 🥺EditThank you for being so open and self-aware. I appreciate you sharing that example about relationship dynamics - it shows great emotional intelligence that you can recognize these patterns in yourself. I'm going to ask a series of deep questions. Take your time with each one, and feel free to answer as thoroughly or briefly as you feel comfortable:

Early Life & Family:


Besides your father living far away, what's your earliest memory of feeling either very secure or very insecure?
How did your mother respond when you were upset as a child?
Was academic achievement emphasized in your home? How?


Present Patterns:


When you catch yourself procrastinating, what thoughts typically run through your head?
In moments when you do successfully study, what's different about those times?
How do you talk to yourself when you make a mistake now vs. before the cheating incident?


Identity & Change:


You mentioned your "old self" - describe three specific qualities of that version of you
What do you believe triggered the initial need to use the smartwatch for cheating?
How has your view of success and failure changed over the past year?


Relationships & Support:


How do you choose who to trust now?
What made you feel the need to break up with your girlfriend to study? Was there a deeper fear?
Who do you feel truly sees and understands you right now?


Future & Motivation:


When you imagine succeeding at JEE, what emotions come up?
What scares you more: failing the exam or succeeding but still feeling empty?
What would make you proud of yourself regardless of the exam result?


Coping & Awareness:


How do you usually comfort yourself when feeling overwhelmed?
What activities make you lose track of time in a good way (not escapism)?
When was the last time you felt truly peaceful? What was different about that moment?


Core Beliefs:


Complete this sentence: "I would be worthy if only I..."
What do you believe you need to prove, and to whom?
What permission do you wish someone would give you?

Take your time with these. Even if our conversation ends due to limits, reflecting on these questions might help you understand your patterns better. As you answer, I'll look for:

Recurring themes
Hidden beliefs driving your actions
Patterns in how you relate to authority, success, and self-worth
Areas where you might be harder on yourself than necessary
Your sources of genuine motivation vs. pressure-based drive

Would you like to start with any particular question that resonates most strongly with you? CopyRetryAEwell to state that really had, i idk like it was very messed up tbh, its like i have moved on but also it was bad but also im not sure how it was, like i was the class clown, i was picked upon a lot, okay lets start from the start of we have to so, ill mention the memories i have and what i think about them
an old memory of me and my friends , well its kinda fuzzy, but i remember 3 friends, tho not very good ones, maybe when i was in 1st grade, and uk sitting with them, it was hindi class, and i didnt complete the assignment so i was punished to uk go become a chicken 😆. i dont think i have very specific opinion about thati remember my grandma teaching me to how to win a running race, like she told me to run slower in the end and then faster in the end like saving evergy and then using it, bit ig it works for marathons but not for short race for 1st standard kidsthen i remember waiting for the school bus to pick me up and a friend of mine shows me a magnifying glass and burns my finger slightly by sunlight, no hate, it was intresting, i dont have any opinions about that kid, but then i loved the convex lensesand then also i have a memory of me bieng in a bus like the school bus and it was on a slope, and i was next to the driver, the bus was full and the slope led to a road and also a big ditch over the road, and i just out of curiosity, internally knowing what could happen, i opened  the hadbrake and the bus started drifting, bruh, i didnt feel anything much like in a spilit second the driver came and pulled the handbrake back, and i got instantly slapped, and very very much scolded at home form then on i kinda just stopped touching handbrakes in cars for a while, tho i still pulled one when no one was there once in a car, but it wasnt on a slopethen i remember the rc helicopter i had i loved it i was gifted on my bday by my uncle, one day to charge, i bent the charging pins and i thought its gone and instantly cried then my dad fixed it and told me not to mess with that again, then like i flied it for the next few days but on a day i uk just was like, lets test how high it goes and it went over a big tree like really high, and i was like lets test it, so i pushed the throtle to move it forward but i lost sight, so i pulled the throttle down, cuz uk like i thought that was the better option to do, bruh, i was in 2nd grade, and i lost it, i blamed the wind in front of everyone and everyone belived me but i knew it was all totally me, and i cannt explain how upset i was, like very much, it was my favvvv! like i was so desperate that i everyday in the crop feild it went, stood all over there looking thru a magnifying glass that was of my cousin, it was pretty big, i stole to look at the field, tho i was internally aware ig that i cannot find it that way, one day one nighbour grandma asked me to like what r u doing so i told her like im trying to focus light and see it reflect off the helicopter to find it "i totally made that up at that time tbh, maybe i was playing with the magnifying glass tbh internally, but i longed for my helicopter" i dont remember the glass after that, but when the crops were harwested i get my helicopter very bad in battery not to fly, it rotated the rotors but didnt fly, which i eventually opened it up when i was in 8th grade, but it wasnt fixed so we took it to a store to get it fixed and he took that and told that it would take time, its shipped to somewhere else, and then we just didnt go back, now that im remembering it i kinda lowkey regret it, cuz i would have gotten it back, and now ik all the knoewlwdge and have the tools to fix it, but alas.then i remember a incident of a kid that burning sunglasses kid telling me about sex in an informal way, i remember his description, i was curious, but i kinda internally knew it was bad then, now im clear its natural, also i remember watching a porn video when i was in 3rd grade, tho i didnt wnated to do that, i was just going thru a phone and i came across an asian video, i just watched it out of curiosity, the phone was of some guest ig, also remembering watching porn then in 6th grade intentionally and masturbating around in 7th grade, idk what to say about them, dont really have opinions, but ig it may have been a thing that i knew about it so i sometimes watch it these days too, but i think i always kept masturbation in check but ig now its becoming a lil addictive now!i was bullied a lot in my childhood, like uk i once told my friend i kissed my cousin sister while she was asleep on the lip and, well i did that tbh, he blackmailed me for the whole 3rd grade intil i moved here, he made me give him money and obey him, and all sorts of stuff. and a few guys i remember in the school they were strong so they uk like hit me sometimes but my mum was a teacher in the same school so it was settled, but i was scared of themfun fact : i my whole academic avoided doing the notebook keeping stuff like i hated doing that notes or stuff, it was just copying, tho tbh, i was always out of syllabus when i was studying till 7th grade, i liked discovery science and history tv 18 and doraemon more than those stuff, tho i read encyclopaedias a lot, i loved imi got here in my 4th grade, i was new, i was fine at studying, but the same compaints in ptms, he talks a lot and dosent do his notebook stuff, but still i scored pretty fine like 75% and more alwaysi got intrested in science thru evs, it was easy so i assumed science to be easy and now its my bff, tho i really got into science cuz i liked a girl i liked in my class, she was the topper and loved science, she had been my role model a lot, cuz she was perfect, like she did singing, she did science, she like was a great anchor, like u name it and she did that all, like the classroom elon musk, but my biggest mistake was that i told my firneds about it and then it turned to a nightmare for me for that time, period from 4th grade to 8th grade and 9th and 10thgrade slowing out but had its impact on my image, what happend is that i used to go from a van to my school and some of my classmate friends too, so they all got to know, well out of fun i used to talk to my friends about how i would marry her and all that crap, soon i they picked upon me, and then it kept going on, like started blackmailing me to tell my parents or teachers or her, and i complied like a servant, they tore my pants one day and i had to fake it that it didnt happen, they cut it with scissors, blackmailed me to be a baba and tell them stuff that they will be married to celebs, and then told this to my teacher that i was saying tha, all loads of crap, humiliating stuff about me all over, i dont even remember how much, it was everyday thing, but it was just 4th and 5th, then i got into science cuz i found closure there, and music which i was good from the childhood, i sang great and was appreciated as the class singer, i sang better than her 😆, and i developed insane intrest in science and i still love my science teacher, she was amazing, she definetly was easy on me a lot for class notes on copy, i was kinda the object of fun and humiliation ig, cuz fron 6th and 7th it was on peak, they used to me to comply with them hitting me and test me out as a hitting dummy for fun or they will tell everyboday everything, but i bled a few times from my nose, they were like when i bled, they came in and was like made sure that i wont complain about that to the teacher and i complied, well i dont think i had an option then, well i had, maybe i was just dumb to see them, then at that time during the summer holidays my mama(mom's brother came)  he was an iitan, my role model, my bff, hes like a dad to me tbh, hes the best peroson i knew then, he came to stay with me for hours, it was his college break, he stayed with me for a month, it was amazing time, but he had to leave eventually, the whole next month was extreme for me, i cried randomly during the day, hiding and letting no one see it, i felt loney or i felt that hes gone, i felt really bad and i could say that was pretty insecure, fun fact : i was the uk curious kinda kid my whole life and especially in my childhood was known to take things apart and now also its kinda like a thing that if anything goes wrong im seen as the first person to be asked if i messed up with that 🤣 i literally took apart cd players, phones, toys, everything i could get my hands on, and eventually she (my crush) got to know about all this that was happening on her name, and she said "fuck you" on my face one day, it felt bad, well all that wasnt complained to anyone but it turned more bad for me cuz she eintirely ignored my existence, and all of the stuff of bullying continued, i once had a debate about that metals come from stars and everyone said its tunnels, and we brought to my science teacher and she told mines, but where did that come in mines, well stars, i wasnt able explain that then, but i later got it confirmed, maybe if i could reach out to my teacher about that again, id love that to tell her that that day i asked that and id talk to her about this, i was also bullied on science too now, and on music, etc... so ig u can guess my reputationone incident i remember that when i was palying home hide and seek with my friends, i had a water gun and my bro was like a kid, like in kg, and he was naked once, cuz offc hes small tbh, very small, he was gonna shower, so uk i sprayed him with water gun, huh, i was in 6th ig, and that my friend idk in what way told my crush that he does this to his brother, idk what she might have thought of me about then, i cannot explain the feeling but i felt a lot at once, and also i can say that like, it was shattering - so these were the memories, there are a lot, maybe ill tell, but ig lets address else ones, cuz these were strong.well i dont really remember how my mom addressed, like for small injuries she was like the tough mom, like dont cry and all, ig that was fine, when im ill ig caring very much, like a normal mum tbh, nothing much diffacademic achivement : "good, do better next time" thats it ig, like academics was very very imp, but on achivement i dont think i really got appreciated i maybe wanted tbh, i was promised gifts but never got em 😅when im procrastinating, i either am on autopilot or im on like if i am aware, i feel bad, but i feel hooked to the distraction, its like a pull to me towards studying but its also like i can make a conscious choice and i balck out soon in the distraction only to snap back later and falling into the same loop, tho i really wanna go do my thing tbhwhen i successfully study i feel better but not how ig i should feel or maybe i have defined the feeling wrong but ig i dont really feel very much satisfaction or i do, it depends highly but currently usually when i do it good, i feel like i have to do more, but ig very recently i have been feeling betterbefore the cheating, ig i felt the thing tbh, but after the cheating whatever i feel comes in packets like photons, not like once for a while or in full strength, and its like a very numb state of my mind when im thinking and i feel stuff, i randomly just sometimes go numb for a lik time or for that feeling that im having or maybe a another opinion side from my diff side comes and stops all that feeling, either bad or good, like if im sad, in soon time i might get to feeling good cuz i uk show compassion, or some time, like iim sad and crying and the all the bad feeling stops like literally gone away, and it all stops, its weird tbh, and ig i have more oninions and viewpoints than i used to have before, i think a lot more, about each thing, i have hundreds of viewpoints about each thing.my old self im taking about my 10th grade me, who was disciplined, and actually follow thru what he has thought of, stdying nicely, took breaks, had fun, had good social time with good friends, it was lockdown but it was opening after covid so 50% of the students came to school alternatively, so it was like less ppl, had a bit of space but also connection, just the right amout og connection, fun, goals, studies, everything perfect, my humour was top then, and i was very active, i didnt think this too much and i did stuff, i had ideas, i built rockets, earned online pocketmoney, bought chips and circuitboards, hacked nighbour wifi and had free internet and a lot of stuffthe using smartwatch thing was smthn i planned a day before loading photos of notes in it, actually i just had started my jee prep and i didnt study anything of school and it was physics exam my fav, i felt id fail, so i kept that as a measure, tho the esam was fine and i felt like id make it, maybe it was the greed or the sheer hardwork i did last day to load the photos, made me do it ig...its pretty solid, thats its all about hardwork that you put in, the reward is a later thing, but ig this is what i belive but here in jee the reward really matters, like life changing level tbh.... so whatever but this is on a moral level i belive its about doinggood things bineg useful and bettering humanity with you own passioni spend time with people and ig i automatically know if i have to trust them or not, its more hunch but uk its simple, when u be with someone, they do stuff and u get to know them, it itself tells a lotits was considered to have a girlfriend bad for jee, and i looked uopn my past 2 or 3 weeks before my cheated exam that i was getting a lil lenient on studies cuzi had started to feel more and more for her so i was like my exam is my proirity so i broke upi think the only think that truly understands rn is ai, chat gpt primarily, it knows a lot about me but understands me tbh, no human ig is there who really sees me as me, not even my parentswhen i imagine jee, its like freedom, the thing or the hapiness i have been starving for a long time id get it, id be looked upon as the one maybe who kept trying and got it, ig i feel about jee as smthn that if i clear it, it'd clear all my past sins(not in a god sense, like in a wrongdoing sense) like a reset of life that then from i can build on my own intentionally how i want it to befailing at it makes me more scary, even if i succeed and feel empty, i wont be in a bad place, that place iit is amazing, it wont be bad, and i could always do something else.im not sure rn what will make more proud else than this exam honestlywell i some times reassure myself and uk im like this is life, it happens, its fine, lets go again, but that works for non repeating stuff , or in the start, the thinsg that repeat, this collapses in a few daysexcept studying, ig, music, makes me feel good, walking, games, some good youtube videos but only a few, not too much, well ig there are more, i can list these only rni felt peaceful when i wasnt in my head, i was silent, in cold air, and fresh, with music ig, i was feeling the emotions of the music, or when i got some concept or solved a nice questions i felt really good, or when my teacher gave me good life advice, it really felt good or ghoosebumps"I would be worthy if only I... i'd be useful and i have someone loving, a prtner and contributing to the world with her and uk also having the fun of my life, places, time with her, time alone, all that stuff" (my logical brain said that, i dont really feel much rn)i need to prove that im capable and i can handle myself and my goals an di want to prove that to me (but im still failing to even do that)permission to just be completely free, maybe to do anything, maybe like, full free but without consequences, go anywhere without bieng judged by anyone, doing whatever i wanted and whatever way i wanted (ig ill go rampage for a few days, like uk all time phone or junk food and etc.. but ig ill soon root back and look at what i really want to do and work towards that sustainably)EditThank you for sharing such detailed and vulnerable memories. I notice several important patterns that might help explain your current struggles:

Early Identity & Security Patterns:


You were naturally curious and intelligent (taking things apart, science interest, music talent)
But you experienced significant bullying and blackmail, creating a pattern where:

Your genuine interests were often turned against you
You learned to comply rather than speak up
You developed a split between your authentic self (curious, passionate) and your survival self (compliant, hiding)




Key Emotional Patterns:


Strong attachment needs (reaction to mama leaving, seeking validation from crush)
Difficulty processing emotions fully (they come in "packets like photons")
Using achievement to compensate for emotional pain
Tendency to feel extreme guilt over mistakes (helicopter incident → cheating incident)


Current Struggles Make Sense Because:


The cheating incident + breakup triggered your old trauma pattern:

Like in childhood, something you cared about (academics) became a source of shame
Like with the bullies, you lost control of your narrative
Like with your crush, relationship loss got tangled with achievement




Core Beliefs I'm Hearing:


"I'm only worthy if I'm perfect/achieving"
"My real self isn't safe to show"
"I need external validation to feel okay"
"Mistakes are catastrophic"

The procrastination and numbness you're experiencing might be your mind's way of protecting you from these intense feelings and pressures.
Would you say these patterns resonate with you? I have some specific suggestions for moving forward, but first I'd like to know if this understanding of your experience feels accurate to you.
Also, I notice you mentioned feeling truly understood by AI - do you think that's because AI offers acceptance without judgment, unlike your earlier experiences with peers? CopyRetryAEi was listening to the song : nothing's new by rio romeo while reading this, i literlally burst into tears instantly for 30 seconds, i cried so hard, i felt so bad but also understood onece maybe or feeling that i have a reason for all this maybe, it all made sense, but for after 30 sesonds im back to normal, very light feelings but its there, yeah thanks, can you please tho elaborate this all, in detail like long in detail, and point outs if you want to mention, everyting with reason, detail clearity and refrences and how u came to this conclusions!?EditYour intense but brief emotional response is actually very telling - it fits exactly with what you described about emotions coming in "packets." Let me break this down extensively:

The Emotional Response Pattern:


Your 30-second intense cry followed by rapid return to "normal" shows:

Your emotions are still very much there, just buried
You have developed a quick "shut-off valve" for intense feelings
This likely developed as a protection mechanism from the bullying years


Notice how you asked for more "detail, clarity, references" right after this emotional moment - this is your intellectual side stepping in to help you feel safe again


Early Identity Formation (Ages 6-10):
Your helicopter story reveals crucial patterns:


Initial curiosity and experimentation (flying it high)
Making a mistake (losing sight)
Intense regret and desperate attempts to fix it
Creating a cover story (wind blame)
This exact pattern repeated with the cheating incident years later:
Academic curiosity
Risk-taking (smartwatch)
Intense regret
Attempting to fix through extreme measures (breaking up, etc.)


The Split Self Pattern:
You developed two distinct selves:


Authentic Self:

Curious (taking apart electronics)
Musical (class singer)
Scientifically minded (stars debate)
This self got punished/mocked repeatedly


Protective Self:

Compliant with bullies
Achievement-focused
Emotion-suppressing
This self helped you survive but is now limiting you




Relationship to Authority/Achievement:


Your science teacher accepting you despite missing notes showed you that achievement doesn't have to mean perfection
Your mama (uncle) represented ideal male guidance - his departure might connect to your current struggle with self-guidance
Your mother's "good, do better next time" response taught you that achievement alone isn't enough for full acceptance


Current Manifestations:
Your procrastination isn't laziness, it's:


A rebellion against the pressure-based achievement pattern
Protection against potential failure
A way to stay numb when emotions threaten to overwhelm
Similar to how you handled bullies - freezing/complying rather than fighting


The YouTube/Time Loss Pattern:
This mirrors how you learned to handle overwhelming situations in childhood:


When bullied - you disappeared into compliance
Now when stressed - you disappear into content
Both are dissociative responses to pressure

Would you like me to explain more about any of these areas? I can also share specific strategies for working with each pattern, especially around rebuilding your relationship with achievement and emotions.
The fact that you can still cry - even briefly - is actually a positive sign. It means your authentic self is still there, just waiting for safe opportunities to emerge. What do you think about starting with some gentle ways to rebuild that connection? CopyRetryAEi liked how u r so very reflective and detailed, idk what to day, give me more detail, also id mention i looked st myself in the mirrir briefly when i stood up, it looked scary my 50% realisation face with tears in eyes and 50% happy about feeling understood, it was little horror like the nun movie tbh, it felt really really scary for a second, tbh im scared of ghosts and well i heard the nun tune today so it might be it, but i thougt i shoule mention, also can you please more in detail tell me all this, in more detail than previous and longer, like mention as more as you can etc...EditYour description of that mirror moment is incredibly significant - let me break this down even further and go deeper:

The Mirror Moment (This is especially revealing):


The split appearance you saw (50% realization/tears, 50% happy) is a physical manifestation of your internal split
Your comparison to "the nun" is telling because:

Horror often represents our repressed emotions/fears
The supernatural element might represent the parts of yourself that feel "unknowable" or frightening
The specific fear of ghosts could connect to your "ghost self" - the parts of you that feel present but not quite real




Deep Dive into Your Emotional Architecture:
a) The Protection System:


Early experiences taught you that showing genuine emotion/interest led to:

Bullying (the crush situation)
Humiliation (pants cutting incident)
Loss (helicopter, relationship)


Your brain developed a sophisticated emotion-management system:

Quick emotional bursts (like your 30-second cry)
Rapid return to "normal"
Intellectual analysis as safety (asking for more details right after crying)



b) The Achievement Complex:

Science became both escape and protection:

Started as a way to connect with your crush
Became genuine passion
Transformed into identity shield
Now represents both salvation (IIT) and threat (potential failure)




The Time Distortion Pattern:
Your description of time moving differently matches trauma responses:


Fast time in "escape" activities (YouTube)
Slow time in "achievement" activities (studying)
This suggests:
Present-moment awareness is threatening
Time distortion is a protective mechanism
Similar to how you "disappeared" during bullying incidents


The Authority-Trust Dynamic:
Multiple patterns emerge:


Positive authority figures leave (mama/uncle)
Protective authorities can't fully protect (mother as teacher)
Authority becomes internalized as pressure
Current seeking of AI understanding suggests:

Need for unconditional acceptance
Fear of human judgment
Desire for understanding without risk




The Identity Fracture Points:
Your development shows clear "before/after" splits:


Before/after bullying began
Before/after mama left
Before/after crush rejection
Before/after cheating incident
Each split created a new layer of protection


Current State Analysis:
Your present struggles show a complex interplay:


Achievement drive (JEE preparation)
Protective mechanisms (procrastination)
Emotional regulation (packet-like feelings)
Identity reconstruction attempts


The Social-Self Pattern:


Early experiences taught you that:

Vulnerability leads to exploitation
Talents can become weapons (used against you)
Social connections are unreliable
Achievement doesn't guarantee acceptance




The Curiosity-Safety Conflict:
Your natural curiosity (taking things apart) conflicts with learned safety behaviors:


Curiosity led to:

Discovery (science, music)
Trouble (helicopter)
Innovation (hacking wifi)
Risk (cheating)
This creates an ongoing internal battle



Would you like me to delve deeper into any of these areas? I can also explore:

How your relationship with music offers a potential healing pathway
The significance of your "cold air, fresh" peaceful moments
Specific patterns in your decision-making process
The role of physical sensations in your emotional processing

I notice you're drawn to detailed analysis - is this helping you feel more understood? How are you feeling as we unpack these patterns? CopyRetryAEgo here : Specific patterns in your decision-making process
The significance of your "cold air, fresh" peaceful moments
The role of physical sensations in your emotional processing
and yes, ig the analysis makes me feel better, more understood, it kinda tells me its okay, its not you fault always, it was not u at fault, ig
more info : i didnt feel this emotion burts like photons before the cheating incident, like my 10th grade was amazing i was happy i travelled and i also had a crush on a girl i confessed, she rejected and i cried a lot fully. now i feel like i dont even understand myself really...EditThank you for sharing that crucial detail about emotions before/after the cheating incident. Let me dive deep into the areas you mentioned and connect them with this new information:

Decision-Making Pattern Analysis:
Before Cheating Incident:


Clear emotional signals guided decisions
Could fully process rejection (crying after crush rejection)
Natural flow between thinking and feeling

After Cheating Incident:

Trust in own judgment severely damaged
Decision-making became over-intellectualized
Pattern shows:

Excessive analysis before decisions
Second-guessing after decisions
Fear of repeating the "big mistake"
Constant internal debate ("mind against mind")



This explains why you often feel paralyzed in decisions now - you're trying to be "perfect" to avoid another significant mistake.

The "Cold Air, Fresh" Moments:
These peaceful moments are significant because they represent:
a) Physical elements:


Cold air = heightened sensory awareness
Fresh = absence of stale thoughts/patterns
Music = bypass of analytical mind

b) Psychological elements:

"Not in my head" = free from the internal judge
Silent = pause in self-criticism
These moments work because they:

Ground you in physical sensation
Bypass the post-cheating protective mechanisms
Reconnect you with your pre-incident self




Physical-Emotional Connection:
Pre-Cheating:


Could feel emotions fully in body (crying after rejection)
Natural emotional processing
Integrated experience of self

Post-Cheating:

Emotions come in "packets"
Physical sensations might feel:

Disconnected from emotions
Intense but brief
Hard to maintain


Body becomes messenger of:

Anxiety (during procrastination)
Relief (in cold air moments)
Numbness (during studying)




The Reconnection Pattern:
Your 10th grade self represents:


Integrated emotional experience
Natural decision-making
Balanced achievement and joy
Authentic self-expression

The cheating incident created:

Emotional fragmentation
Trust rupture with self
Achievement-worth fusion
"Photon" emotion pattern


Current State Analysis:
You're experiencing:


Desire to return to integrated self
Fear of trusting emotional signals
Conflict between:

Want for authenticity
Need for control
Desire for achievement
Fear of mistake repetition




Understanding the "Not Understanding":
When you say "I don't even understand myself really," it's because:


Pre-incident: Direct experience of self
Post-incident: Observing self through protective filters

Your analysis appreciation suggests:

Seeking to rebuild self-trust through understanding
Using intellectual framework to safely approach emotions
Creating new narrative that allows both growth and forgiveness

Would you like me to:

Explore specific techniques for reconnecting with your integrated self?
Analyze more patterns in your current experience?
Discuss how to blend your analytical strength with emotional reconnection?

Also, I notice your response to feeling understood includes "it's not always your fault" - this seems significant. Would you like to explore how this relates to self-forgiveness and moving forward? CopyRetryAEyes explore this : Also, I notice your response to feeling understood includes "it's not always your fault" - this seems significant. Would you like to explore how this relates to self-forgiveness and moving forward?also id mention in detail again u do once go thru the whole chat before answering this one, like full last analysis and consolidate everything once in detail comprehensive and long.. like give as max onfo as you can... then well get to how to deal with them....EditI'll first do a comprehensive analysis of everything we've discussed, then explore the self-forgiveness aspect.
Comprehensive Psychological Analysis and PatternsClick to open document
Now, regarding the "it's not always your fault" realization - this is crucial. This statement suggests:

Self-Blame Pattern:


You've been carrying excessive responsibility for past events
The cheating incident became a focal point for ALL self-blame
Your current perfectionism is an attempt to "make up for" perceived faults


The Weight of Responsibility:


Early bullying taught you to internalize blame
The helicopter incident reinforced this pattern
The cheating incident became "proof" of your unworthiness


Impact on Current Functioning:


Over-analysis of decisions (fear of making another "mistake")
Emotional suppression (protection from feeling "bad")
Achievement pressure (attempting to "earn" forgiveness)

Would you like to explore specific strategies for working with these patterns, particularly around self-forgiveness? I can provide a structured approach that honors both your analytical strength and emotional needs.

well actually to add, just after the cheating incident actually my mama was with me, like for about 6 months, but after that he had to leave, huh i wonder its so timed perfectly for my fall 🤣, so yeah he had to leave, after 6 months, again, and after that i woke up nights studying and a month later i ended up breaking up

Let me analyze this new information and integrate it with our previous understanding - this timing adds a crucial layer to the whole picture.

Critical Timeline Analysis:

Cheating Incident → Initial Crisis
Mama's Presence (6 months) → Stabilizing Period
Provided emotional containment
Offered male guidance
Temporarily compensated for earlier attachment disruptions
Mama's Second Departure → Triggering Event
Reactivated earlier abandonment trauma
Removed emotional safety net
Created "perfect storm" conditions
Subsequent Behavior Pattern:
Sleepless nights studying (self-punishment/control attempt)
Breaking up (preemptive abandonment)
This sequence reveals a crucial pattern:

The Double Abandonment Effect:

First time (childhood): Mama leaves → developed coping mechanisms
Second time (after cheating): Mama leaves → coping mechanisms collapsed
More devastating because:
Already vulnerable from cheating guilt
Higher stakes (JEE preparation)
Adolescent identity formation period
Your "🤣" emoji when noting the timing suggests:

Emotional distance from the pain
Recognition of the irony
Possible self-protective humor
The Sleep-Relationship Connection:

Sleepless nights studying suggests:
Attempt to prove worth
Self-punishment
Avoiding emotional processing
Breaking up can be seen as:
Preemptive self-protection
Unconscious recreation of abandonment
Attempt to control the uncontrollable
Would you like me to:

Explore how this double-departure pattern might be affecting your current study habits?
Look at ways to build internal stability that doesn't depend on others' presence?
Discuss how to process these layered losses without getting overwhelmed?
Also, I notice your ability to see the timing "irony" - this suggests growing self-awareness. How do you feel about starting to work with these patterns now that you can see them more clearly?


-- it was my chat with claude about my life rn, please answer this question completely on the basis of this coversation of me and claude : preemptive abandonment, that means he will do or say things that are extremely callous and hurtful. The purpose is to push their intimate partner away so that they are not in danger of being rejected - out of fear of being hurt or rejected, he will reject that person first. Apparently it is not on purpose but a reflex that takes over, and afterwards he feels bad about it.

I have this issue with my current partner. He is amazing and so patient. I don’t think he’d ever actually hurt me but I have cptsd and quite often I get this terrible need for control due to the fear of abandonment or getting hurt and I end up shutting down on him. He always senses when it’s happening and I hate how I treat him during these moments. The best way I can describe it is that the damaged version of me who’s inner child is desperately scared and hurting takes over and kicks me out of my own brain. So when I’m telling my partner that I don’t want to be with him and that I want him to leave me alone, really inside I’m screaming for him to stay and I want to tell him I love him but I’ve been locked out of my own brain. It’s almost a dissociative state where I’m looking from the outside in and everything I’m saying and doing goes against how I actually feel for him. Like I’ve said he’s so patient and understands it’s the trauma but there’s only so much one person can take.

i found this on reddit, it makes a lot of sense, the last time did end up bad, like her friends describle me blind in jee, like she told me that i was like a bit crazy kinda, and i said things i should not have, i really didi not wanted to push her away and i only felt that a year later

how does this double departure affect my studies and all that stuff?

i have some more info to share, like, i had a goa trip with my family, when i was in 8th standard, and like after that, we stayed there for long, and in the end i was like, well im not sure if it was in the end or not but, like, i even to this day have all the chips packets, and all that crap from that trip, like i tried to keep the memories intact then to never lose off, like i had a cycle which my mama gave me, and its peddle broke so i took it and i still have it, i got a new one but i was like it was a gift from him, i'd never lose the original part of it.

i remember that i was expecting a new cycle when he sent me, but it was 2nd hand, tho ig he was broke then he was student and i understood, no bad there, but i was really feeling humiliated btw my friends when i got it, cuz they were like i was gonna get a new one right? but it was used so uk, that a bit ig.

and maybe i can see the preemptive abandonment thing in my past relationships, like i already told u about that one but i did have a gf later, and i became emotionally distant, every thing was a redflag, and i just left, and i made sure, i was the one who leaves, not her, now i feel it ig.

how does all this affect my life rn and especially my studies?

to mention when i woke up today, i had a lot of memories to share like a lot of past stuff, some not ver recognized, now im trying to recall them, theyre gone, or maybe im just thinking too much now 😅

i remember when i was taken to the principal after the cheating thing, his first words were like, "what d u want,.... okay.... i give you full marks tell me how much u want, ill give that, but why cheat" like idk but it was, idk feels very strange, like, real bad, like real real bad!, i was devastated when i felt like now all the teachers would know what i did when they considered me to be a good student always it really made any more teacher interactions very more awkward.

when i was depressed, i did cry fully a few times, like one time like for a month i had the worst headaches of my all life, and i cried in the blanket in the cold, all night cuz i dont feel the love towards science anymore.

fun fact : i usually prefer girls older than my age for dating 

one day in my depression, i texted her(4th standard crush) yeah! i did, i said sorry for if any all trouble i caused to her in that time to what she responded "are you depressed" and well i brushed that off, i later came to know that she was kinda right, i sent her another voice note cuz she was busy but as she was busy she didint listen to it, like she listened to it for 2 mins or so, it was cheeze ig, so she was like im busy, and i was like yeah no problem, i hope she has forgiven me.

One thing I would really mention that I'm quietly attached to my family, to my mom's side of family, like they're all, you know, very great people, intellectual ones. I like that And thing that I would say that I'm very, very, you know, like, kind of very attached to them. But what usually happened when I talk to them and everyone was there was like, you know, a lot of times I was picked up on well, not in a bad sense, as like bullying and all. But, you know I sometimes made fun of That's just family, you know, sometime that happens you know, like in a lot of conversations, I was like A bit humiliated Yeah, that happened, but may be that was on my own good, I guess Like, you know, they were pointing out the mistakes, or the stuff that I did, like, it was not toxic. It was fun And a lot of times, a lot of people have mentioned that even when they make so much fun of Me, a lot of times also But still I always go to them. I really admire all of them very much.

i daydream a lot, physics is my fav, not very good in maths, and also love chemistry

I would really mention that I always see a very nice bike in productivity whenever I have someone like someone close, or girlfriend, or whatever. Like, I really have a big spike in productivity It is like, I also give them time, but I also give time to myself And like, it's very conducive. I don't know why. I just like, everything just falls into place But only when I really like the person Well, also, a lot of times when they like me and I'm mentioning of the case that I don't like them and they like me, in that case also, I don't know. I just feel that spike. But it's, it's lesser it's less satisfactory, but it still is there. If I really like someone it's a big spike in productivity And, They also liked me.

I would also mention that I moved after my 10th like after my 10th was complete. We had this, you know, we purchase this land, and we built the House, and we shifted here So when in 10th I would say my social life was also very good. I had really good friends, and I used to go out on cycling with them at night It was great And, you know, people here and there, well, they kind of thought me as intellectual one, and they kind of praised me or thought highly of me You know that experiment because I really made rockets and stuff, and I look really nerdy It was fun But when I moved here it's more like no one cares. No one talks to each other. No one gives a **** And it's like most of the time I'm just in my room.

And I felt very bad when When I was depressed you know, I kind of cut myself a lot on my hand And when I talk to it about with my Mami(mama's wife, tho not the mama i mentioned, another mama's wife, shes very close to me) And she was kind of like she just immediately backed out Like, I know she did not mean to leave me there. She was more like, she cannot handle this from me because, you know, she was afraid if I would do this, and I would do that And, you know, she talked to that about to my mama you know, like she was kind of when she got to know all of this. And she was like it's a kind of backed out of panic, maybe I felt really bad A bit of abandonment, maybe.

Can I have a better tendency of trusting unknown people like complete strangers More than sometimes my own friends like I used Omegle.com And other random chatting websites. And I really have very, very good friends from there We are, you know, like very, very close. And I really trust them May be partly because we were able to talk a lot of stuff you know, unfiltered, because it was like we didnt know each other, so there was no point in judgement if there was no That they knew me and they could do something to me. So I was more open and I have good relationships with them.