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Assistant: Title: Making Arrangements
        Author: laurel1020 CrownsofLaurels 
        Chapter: 14/19 
        Summary: It takes a Village to make a relationship--Or, at least, a bunch of over-reaching grumpy old farts, a military leader with a bit too much to drink, a nosy but well meaning kunoichi, eight ninken, and the power of youth. And a really cranky chakra monster with nine tails and a penchant for swearing.
            
            Teaser
        Contents: Chapter 14: Toiletries
    

    

        
          
          
            In which the bathroom is paid an undue amount of attention.
          
        

      
        
          
          (See the end of the chapter for  notes.)
          
      
  

  
  
    
    We really need to stop having these meetings, thought Kakashi, slouched in a chair across from Tsunade, giving serious consideration to the idea of taking out Icha-Icha Revolution if Tsunade continued to simply review her paperwork after expending the effort to order ANBU to drag Kakashi away from his usual preoccupations. Just as his fingers twitched toward his vest, the tired-looking leader straightened her stack of papers and set them down with a grunt.Honey colored eyes observed the copy ninja curiously, but the Hokage's otherwise neutral expression gave no indication as to why he'd been summoned this time.Finally, the woman drawled. "Do you feel like a naughty child yet? Because I'm beginning to think with your recent behavior that I'm just going to have to put a sign on that chair that says, "Time-Out,' and stick it in the corner of my office for you to come sit in for thirty minutes every other day.""I'm not sure that was called for," sniffed Kakashi, offended and uncertain about what he'd done to earn her condescension this time.The Hokage snorted, unimpressed, "The first thing on my office desk this morning was a military police report, claiming a civilian has filed a formal complaint against you, alleging that they were undeservedly manhandled last night at some restaurant."Oh, that. "It wasn't entirely undeserved," muttered the jōnin."You broke his wrist."Good, Kakashi thought, a tad vindictively as he clasped his gloved hands together and set them in his lap."He's got at least five unrelated witnesses who testify they didn't see him do anything to provoke you." Tsunade said, tone becoming impatient. "And of course, the military police want nothing to do with it because you've made yourself such a notorious pain-in-the-@ss to everyone and it apparently takes more man power for them to find you than your actions usually deserve. Unfortunately this means that anything they get with your name on it automatically gets booted up to me and becomes my problem."Kakashi let the room fill up with a strained silence, not feeling very generous in his commentary this morning.Tsunade groaned and rubbed her temple with her fingers. "Look," she said flatly, opening her eyes to spear Kakashi with a stern gaze, "We both know that this was unusual behavior for you and you're going to get off with a slap on the wrist if anything, but I still need to be able to give the Civilian Council a reason why some snobby rich guild leader's spoiled grand-brat isn't getting any recompense for your scandalous misbehavior. So," Tsunade took a deep breath and gave a tense smile with teeth, "Will you please tell me what germ of insanity infested you last night and made you think it was a good idea to physically strike out a man who, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt, has about a tenth of your mental and physical prowess?"Kakashi, despite feeling deep down that his behavior of the prior night was justifiable, was also beginning to feel the first twinge of sheepishness about the whole ordeal. He cleared his throat and shrugged. "I don't know.""You don't know," repeated the Hokage, clearly displeased with the answer."Mm-hmmm."Tsunade turned an imploring gaze to the ceiling. "Somebody save me from ninja," she muttered bitterly. "Alright," struggling for patience, Tsunade reached into her shirt. Kakashi politely averted his eyes as she pulled out a small bottle that she uncorked, pouring some of its contents into the cup of tea on her desk. She cradled the porcelain cup with both hands and tossed back her head to drink the entirety of the beverage in one practiced gulp. Once finished, she set the cup firmly down on the desk and locked eyes with Kakashi. "Here is how this is going to go," she leaned forward, "You and I are going to figure out what happened last night, and why, so you can promise me it won't happen again, or," Tsunade hiccupped, and struggled to maintain her serious expression, "or, I'm giving Psych full license to put you in group therapy sessions and I will @ssign Gai to make sure you attend and participate."Tsunade felt a smidgeon guilty about continually using the psychology division as a threat of punishment, thus further enforcing negative connotations with what should be a positively embraced method of healing, but well, with some ninja you had to get creative. Or just use the only thing you know to work, she amended, willing to concede that using the same threat on multiple occasions with slight variations probably didn't count as being creative. "Do we understand each other?"The sudden intense stillness that settled over Kakashi indicated that he took the threat seriously, but she only allowed herself to relax when he gave a stiff nod of the head."Good," Tsunade said, licking dry lips, and pouring another cup of tea for herself. She wouldn't bother to try and be polite and pour one for company, not when she already knew that the man was ready to kawarimi with the nearest warm body and get the hell out of her office the moment he sensed he could leave without being tracked down. "Let's try this again, what happened last night?""I attacked a civilian.""Alright," Tsunade closed her eyes and mentally counted to ten. It's like pulling teeth from a mule, she thought grouchily, already feeling a tension headache forming around her forehead and knowing that the hardest part of the conversation was yet to come. "And what were you doing when you attacked the civilian?"The jōnin's brows furrowed, "He executed the offensive conduct with his right hand. I secured and disabled the body part responsible so such an attack could not occur again. Once I determined that that subject was properly restrained and would not repeat the behavior, I released the offender and resumed my original exit strategy."Tsunade, elbow on the desk and chin resting in the palm of one hand, couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry at the detached, clinical report. She expected this kind of thing from operatives like Sai, not from Hatake. What in the world had happened to upset him so much that he was reverting to formal reporting language rather than social conversation as a defense mechanism? She struggled to keep her amused frustration from bleeding into her expression. "And what was the original offensive conduct that you deemed to be a threat?"The only sign of discomfort from the man sitting across from her was a subtle shift in weight. "He attacked my teammate.""Attacked?" Tsunade raised an eyebrow and re-scanned the report; no one had mentioned anything about the civilian attacking another person, let alone another ninja. Tsunade didn't put a lot of trust in her civilian population, other than the trust she put in them to be a pain in the @ss, but generally they had enough sense not to poke the paranoid trained @ss@ssins among which they lived."Well," Kakashi raised a hand, scratching at his temple with one finger, "assaulted."Tsunade looked baffled."Maybe it was just harassed," Kakashi amended with a low mutter.Tsunade was not going to laugh. She wasn't. She covered her mouth with a manicured hand and pretended to smother another hiccup. "So, what did the civilian do exactly? And to whom? A teammate, you said?"Kakashi ran a hand through his wild hair and rolled his shoulders, adjusting his posture.The Hokage waited for him to find his words."Ah," Kakashi leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and interweaving his fingers again, "He may have s@xually harassed Naruto-chan."Not. Going. To. Laugh. Tsunade used decades of willpower to remind herself of her vow and was quite proud her voice remained steady. "Sexually harassed how?""The civilian may have purposefully and inappropriately touched Naruto without her consent.""So," Tsunade drawled, after a few moments of awkward silence, "A drunk man pinched Naruto-chan's ass and you had a small psychotic break, broke the man's wrist, and terrified another half-dozen civilians into wetting their pants?"Kakashi had the grace to appear embarrassed, but still gave her a huffy look."Just clarifying," Tsunade murmured softly, making some notes on her paperwork and trying not to break into hysterical cackles at the idea of Hatake Kakashi finally potentially connecting with his inner possessive, besotted teenager. He was twenty years late, but better late than never.She accidentally let slip a giggle and Kakashi leveled a mutinous look at her with his single eye. She ignored him and chewed on the end of her pen. She didn't feel too bad; it was the simple pleasures in life that made all this paperwork sh@t bearable."Well," she cleared her throat loudly and clapped her hands, "now that I know what happened, let's talk about why it happened so we can make sure it doesn't happen again." She tried not to sound too condescending, but it was a natural state of being for her and judging by Hatake's expression she wasn't trying hard enough. "Go on," she made a waving motion with her hands implying that Kakashi should elaborate.The copy ninja just shrugged. "I may have been upset.""Oh, really?" Tsunade's voice dripped with sarcasm, "Why were you upset?"Kakashi's apparent confusion seemed sincere and the tiny sliver of compassion that remained in Tsunade's heart pinged just strongly enough for her to take a modicum of pity on the boy. "Answer me this: Is Naruto strong?"Kakashi blinked slowly, but readily admitted, "Yes.""And who trained her?""I did," the copy ninja said quickly. "And Jiraiya-san," he thought on it some more before expounding on his answer, "Iruka-san, Kurenai-san, her peers, you.""Yes," Tsunade nodded, "And do you trust all these people?""Yes.""And they care about Naruto?""Yes.""So all of these incredibly strong people, who you trust, and who care about this girl, took it upon themselves to teach her to be strong?"Kakashi's puzzled face was testament to the fact that he still didn't see where this was going. "Yes.""So," said the Hokage, in an effort to lay this out as simply as possible, "If some of the strongest, most powerful people in your world put their hearts into making Naruto one of the strongest kunoichi known to man, and you believe that she has accomplished this," she narrowed her eyes and pinned Kakashi with her focused gaze, "Don't you think she could handle a drunk civilian giving her an unwanted caress on the ass without your intervention?"Kakashi stiffened, and then forced his shoulders to relax. "Probably," he reluctantly admitted."I think she probably could have taken care of it on her own too," said the woman dryly. "Did she tell you she could have taken care of it herself?"The barely perceptible flicker of a memory crossed his face. "Something like that," he said uncomfortably."Well," said Tsunade lightly, accentuating her words with a shrug, "If you stepped in to take care of something we both acknowledge Naruto is fully capable of handling on her own, it must have been a trust issue, right? You just didn't trust her to handle herself in that situation?""No," Kakashi quickly protested. "I trust her.""No you don't," Tsunade dismissed his response with a flippant wave of her hand. "You don't trust her to handle a drunk man trying to push his unwanted attention on her, and you certainly don't trust her to be able to handle her current assignment effectively. I wonder if you aren't giving her a complex about it."Kakashi speared her with a dark look. "Stop it," he bit out, looking a tad ruffled, which for him meant he sat up straight and spared enough energy to look cross and attentive. "Don't exaggerate the consequences of something so simple.""But you don't let her handle the simple things," Tsunade pushed back. "How is she supposed to feel when she's handling the big things?" Kakashi's physical shrink was minute, even to Tsunade's observant gaze, but it tasted victorious all the same. "You are one of the most important men in her life. Don't you think she values your trust and respect in her as a grown woman over your efforts to protect her from the realities of life, like you might treat a child?"Kakashi remained silent, but his body was tense and his gaze introspective. "It wasn't like that," he finally admitted. "Not really. I just," he looked sadly at the Hokage¸ "I just don't like people paying her attention like that. I don't like people not showing her respect after all that she's done." His gaze returned to the floor. "I don't know what to do about it."Tsunade felt an overwhelming desire to give the boy a hug, a reward for sharing his emotions, but was well adjusted enough to realize that to Kakashi, a hug from her would be seen as an insult, pity, or, at best, undue attention which would send him into hiding for a few weeks. Ninja with Kakashi's mission history didn't survive as long as they did by drawing undue attention to themselves. So she restrained the sudden maternal impulse and promised herself that she could go cuddle Ton-ton as soon as this was over. "So you want Naruto to be respected? And you don't want men to hurt her?"Kakashi nodded, but didn't raise his head."I think you can accomplish both of those things without treating her like a child, don't you?" Tsunade's voice was soft, and she gave the boy with the bowed head a few moments to absorb her words. "You can start by letting her take care of b@tch-slapping the next man that grabs her ass without permission on her own, agreed?"The silver head of hair dipped in another nod."Good." Tsunade bit her lip, wondering if she should push forward or if her next comments would be to forward. Ah, hell with it, she thought, better to just be blunt with this one. "That doesn't mean you can't give the man a glare, but you're not her father, or her brother, and that's not what she needs you for."Kakashi's head raised slowly, single gray eye cloudy with confusion. "What does she need me for then?"Checkmate. Tsunade carefully schooled her expression, not wanting to give any hint of the self-satisfaction she was currently basking in, "She needs you to trust her." Tsunade said calmly. "And that doesn't mean that you have to take a hands-off approach, and remove yourself from her life. She needs you to be there, to watch her back, to offer help and encouragement. But most of all she needs you to trust that she's capable of going out in the world, kicking b@tt and taking names, and when she comes back she needs you to tell her that you knew she could do it all along."Kakashi blinked, soaking in the advice."Does that sound too complicated, Hatake-kun?" Asked Tsunade, trying to lighten the mood."No," said the copy ninja, turning to look out the window.The Hokage tapped her cheek as she observed him, noticing that he didn't assert that this was a role of which he was capable of performing. Oh, to be in his head for one hour. The Hokage snorted, she was just going to have to trust Kurenai to work him through the rest. "Then you won't be attacking any more civilians from now on, right?""Right, Hokage-sama." Kakashi sounded relieved to be agreeing to something that he was confident about succeeding in, "It won't happen again.""Then you-re dism—" Tsunade pursed her lips together as the man before her blurred away before she had finished the word. In his former seat a painting of 'The Eight Minute War' perched awkwardly between the wooden armrests.The door opened and Shizune slipped into the room, Ton-ton cradled in her arms. "Tsunade-same we need to talk about your sched—Where did that come from?"Tsunade held her arms out for her pig, "I don't know. And now it's your problem. You can figure out where Hatake pulled it from and put it back. I'm taking an hour to go somewhere dark and quiet with a bottle of sake and pretend the most difficult thing I'm responsible for taking care of is a pig."Shizune opened her mouth to speak and Tsunade cut her off with a wave of her hand. "Let's both pretend I actually have some authority for one hour." Tsunade brushed past the bewildered girl, leaving Shizune standing in an empty office.Shizune checked her clipboard for the older woman's daily agenda. "Hmmm," she muttered thoughtfully to herself as she moved to pick up the painting so she could dump it on a secretary, "Disciplinary Review, Hatake Kakashi—" Shizune paled, "I don't even want to know."Her reluctance lasted for twenty seconds. She was a ninja, after all. "Ok, maybe I do." Giving into temptation, she went over to the Hokage's desk and looked at the standard military police complaint and Tsunade's discussion notes. "Cleared because…defending honor of virtuous maiden?" Shizune rolled her eyes and went back to the painting, "We really shouldn't be keeping written records of Hatake's excuses." She hauled the strange painting out of the office, muttering under her breath about buying into soldier's insanities and the correlating increase in administrative ineptitude.Naruto gazed around the apartment with critical, but tired eyes. Is this subtle?Did you do it? Retorted Kurama."Don't be mean," Naruto said aloud, running her hands over the couch and adjusting the cushions once more. "Kurenai-san said I needed to start leaving a more visible presence in the apartment. That I needed to do things that would remind him I lived here even when I wasn't physically here-"
  The last time I checked, the thing wasn't so handicapped that he'd lost his nose. I don't think he can forget your stake in the den anytime soon.
"Yeah, well," Naruto draped an orange sweater over the kitchen chair and then set about arranging her recently rescued house plants (carefully snuck out of her former apartment in the dead of night to avoid an encounter with the easily irritable health inspector), "Kurenai says the best thing right now is to make it so that it is absolutely impossible for Kakashi to live in denial, which means I need to find sneaky ways to make sure that he is thinking about me as often as possible." Naruto paused as she poured a bit of water into a particularly droopy basket of bougainvillea that she still hadn't found a good home for yet. It'd go best in his room by the big window, but I kind of feel like I should ask permission about that first. Anything else you can think of, Fox?She decided to put the flowers on the kitchen table in the meantime and gently set the large pot down on the worn wooden surface. It wouldn't get much natural light here, so she'd have to try and move it later.You could always pee on something, Kurama contributed grudgingly.Naruto jerked back, shocked at the earnest suggestion, knocking into a chair at just the right angle to send both human and chair to the floor with a thud.
  I don't remember your dam being this clumsy.
Naruto pouted and stood, rubbing her abused rear. "I bet you didn't say such random, strange things to her either."
  You asked.
"For a serious suggestion!," Naruto insisted with huff.I don't know why you're so worried about it, said the fox, sounding bored. It's not like he's here most of the day."No," Naruto ran a hand through her hair, still mussed from sleep, "no he's not." It was still relatively early in the morning, but Kakashi made it a habit to be gone from the apartment before she woke. She was fairly certain that he was coming and going from the big window in his bedroom, as she would like to think she would wake if he was using the front door for ingress and egress.Left alone, Naruto typically began to return to consciousness around eight or nine in the morning and liked to take her time waking up. She'd make a bowl or two of instant ramen ramen, skim yesterday's paper, run a load of laundry, start the dishwasher, make the beds, and check her weapons, polishing and sharpening them from yesterday's practice before stumbling into the shower and officially starting her day.Kakashi, on the other hand, seemed happy to let Naruto handle most of the chores and fled the apartment at inhumanly early hours to, well, Naruto really didn't know where Kakashi was exactly when he wasn't training. She supposed he went to the Memorial Stone.A knock on the door drew her away from her inner musings.Who is that? She paused and focused on merging with Kyuubi briefly, letting him enhance her nose and chakra sensing abilities. Yamato. She took a deeper breath. Not injured, calm, relaxed. They easily disassociated and she rubbed at her tired eyes. She'd stayed out late the night before to rescue her plants and hadn't fallen asleep until around four in the morning. I'm glad he's back, he's been away for a while.Does it look like I care? Kurama snorted, and Naruto got the clear impression that he was burying his head in his tails and was returning to sleep now that the visitor had been identified and classified as a non-threat. Naruto trotted over to the door, narrowly avoiding tripping over the bag of pile of clothes she'd haphazardly strewn across the floor in the midst of her morning project. She cursed and kicked the lacy nightgown her feet had gotten tangled in off to the side. The knock came again, a bit more impatient."I'm coming, I'm coming," Naruto opened the door in the midst of talking and held up a hand to cover a large yawn. "Good morning, Yamato-san!" She greeted the surprised jōnin cheerfully, "I missed you! When did you get back?"Yamato stared at the blonde, hand paused mid-air, frozen, poised to knock again. "Uzumaki-san?""Naruto-chan," corrected the girl with a smile, "I've told you before, I'm not going to answer you if you keep up with the Uzumaki-stuff."Yamato made a strained sound, his voice caught in his throat, eyes wide, "Is that," he looked Naruto over from head to toe, "is that your shirt?"Naruto frowned, beginning to feel a bit self-conscious. She looked down, Oh, I guess I did put on that old shirt of Kakashi's when I came in last night. It was the same shirt that Kakashi had given her to sleep in when she first stayed the night. He hadn't asked for it back, and it had been comfy, so she kept it and used it to sleep in every once in a while. She smoothed down the fraying edges with nervous fingers. It was just as long as some of her other nightshirts, the skirt she wore to train in was shorter, so she didn't think it was indecent or anything."No," she looked back at the other jōnin, who seemed to be in a mild state of shock for some unascertainable reason. She felt Kurama stir, attending to the interaction with a lazily, partially opened, slitted eye. "Kakashi let me borrow it to sleep in." When Yamato remained frozen she opened the door wider, "Are you ok, do you need to come in?"Yamato's gaze was drawn to something behind her and his eyes grew even bigger, which made Naruto quite concerned because she hadn't thought that physically possible. "Yamato?" She repeated his name a bit louder and his attention snapped to her."Ah," he gave her a tentative smile, "Sorry about that," he rubbed his head sheepishly, "I was just surprised?"Naruto scrunched her face in confusion. Why was that a question? Was he not sure he was surprised? How odd. "Are you sure you are alright? Maybe you should sit down for a minute."She reached out to take hold of his arm and escort him inside but he stepped back and waved his hands reassuringly, "No, I'm fine, really. I just stopped by to see if Kakashi-senpai was in and try and set up some training time with him. Is he here?"Naruto shook her head and smiled apologetically, "Sorry, you've missed him, he left before I woke this morning. He's usually back shortly after sunset though, do you want me to tell him you stopped by?"Yamato made a strange squeaky noise like something was caught in his throat again. "No, I—" he stopped himself and shook his head ruefully, "I'll find him. It's good to see you again," he let his shoulders drop an inch and then blushed as Naruto moved forward to give him a hug, interpreting the admission as permission to show physical affection."If you can't find Kakashi, I'll train with you," she chirped brightly as he patted her back awkwardly."Umm," He firmly gripped her shoulders and pushed her back a foot, not rejecting her, but restoring them to a safe, respectful distance. "That sounds good, thank you," he gave her the same forced smile, cheeks still a tad pink, "but maybe you should get dressed first."She laughed and waved goodbye as he shunshined away."Well," she said, smile fading as she reflected upon the strange encounter, "That was odd."She softly closed the door and returned to straightening the apartment, picking up the lace nightgown from the floor and stuffing it into her bag along with the other clothes she'd thrown about the place. She set the chair back upright as Kurama laughed maniacally in the back of her head, refusing to share what he found to be so funny."So, I brought all the stuff," Naruto elegantly dumped the bulging knapsack in her arms upside down, letters and assorted papers pouring out and cascading over Tsunade's already disorganized desk."Thanks," drawled Tsunade, voice heavy with sarcasm as she watched a few of the envelopes slide across the smothered desktop and fall to the floor.Naruto hopped about to retrieve them and put them back in the pile before dragging a chair from across the room and settling down right next to the Hokage. "You're welcome," she chirped."That was not," the older blonder snapped her mouth shut and scrunched her eyes shut, biting back a scathing remark, "nevermind." They had too many things to do today to get sidetracked in what would be an ultimately ineffective lesson about Naruto's inability to detect sarcasm. Which might not be so much an inability as a purposefully cultivated obtuseness to anything remotely insulting, Tsunade reflected, bitterly noting that she couldn't see any of the tabletop anymore, as buried as it was under paper."Is there any more of this sh@t?" Tsunade eyed the pile as if she expected some of the papers to spontaneously catch on fire or start replicating. At this point, I don't know which would be worse.Naruto huffed and crossed her arms. "It's not sh@t, these are nice people!""Yeah, yeah," Tsunade waved her hand dismissively. "I thought you said you were going to sort through it some way?""I got busy," Naruto tugged on one of her pigtails, winding the long strand around her wrist."And I'm not?""You'd just tell me I did it wrong and make me do it a different anyhow."Tsunade pursed her lips, but didn't correct the girl, instead, she called for help. "Shizune," she bellowed."Well, we're not going to make any headway with it all like this, so dig in," she got up and walked toward the door. "Shizune!""Wait where are you going?" Naruto called, looking up in alarm."I'm right here, you don't have to yell," Shizune grumbled, slightly exasperated as she slipped in the doorway."I have productive things to do, help her with that mess," the Hokage flipped her hair over her should and shooed her oldest student toward the confused looking younger blonde at the desk."Wait, what?" Shizune blinked apprehensively at the mess."You said you'd help!" Naruto jumped to her feet and made several passionate, but slightly rude, hand gestures."That was before I knew how much work it would be," admitted the Hokage freely, undeterred. "Just put it into piles by villages, you're going to want to try and notice travel patterns, and you'll be able to do that if you start reading reports of similar activities in congruent physical locations.""I don't even—" Shizune tried to interject with trepidation."Have fun," Tsunade said hastily, "Have to see a man about a tree.""A tree?" Naruto just looked even more bewildered."Tsunade-sama," Shizune called in exasperation, a hint of unarticulated threat lacing her tone, but the Hokage was gone. She turned to Naruto, "I'm sorry Naruto, but I really don't have—"Big, blue well-honed puppy-dog eyes looked at her, "Oh please, oh please, Shizune-nee-san, I have to go through all of this and I really, really don't want to do it by myself!"That gaze should be classified as a weapon, Shizune thought grudgingly. "Well," she hesitated, but the puppy-dog eyes only grew more intense and wobbly. "What is it?" She finally asked weakly, bracing herself.Naruto's face brightened. "Oh thank you, thank you! It's my letters from all my pen pals that I made when I went travelling with Jiraiya!" Naruto picked up a cluster of envelopes and thrust them into Shizune's arms. "They send me letters and stuff and tell me all that's going on, and I write back, but Granny wanted to hear what they had to say and help me write back to all of them this time.""Pen pals?""Yeah, I mean, life has been a bit crazy, but I've managed to stay in contact with most of them 'cuz Ero-sennin said it was important to have friends in lots of places. Only, Granny figured out what I was doing and said she wanted to help me 'develop my network.'"Oh God, Shizune suddenly realized, This is what's become of Jiraiya's spy network. She looked back to Naruto, who was busy pulling apart letters and sorting them into piles."And this is from Sora-chan, she's this really funny daughter of this chicken rancher in River Country, and she tells great jokes that are about, like, farm things. Want to hear the one she wrote about a bacon and egg breakfast? The chicken was involved, but the pig was committed! Isn't that funny?"Tonton gave an offended grunt and left the room.Shizune rubbed her forehead and tried to figure out if there was any code in that."So, nothing?"Kakashi had known that the Hokage was watching him from the entryway of the medical file room for some time now, but hadn't seen fit to react to her presence until she decided to make her purpose known. He gave her a bored look, "Exactly."She pursed her lips, crossing her arms and leaning against the door frame. "You've looked through everything?"Kakashi hadn't exactly been hiding his search of the medical records, he'd decided to take the public search approach and see if anyone paid him attention. It was still slightly disconcerting that Tsunade had known when he'd be finishing the last file. He hadn't noticed anyone observing him to report to her. I wonder if she finally mastered Sandaime-sama's crystal ball jutsu? The last time he'd asked her about using it to check on some ninja, he'd been audience to quite a colorful repertoire of cursing and he'd noticed quite a few suspiciously spherical holes in the wall for the following several months.Tsunade frowned pensively, lost in her own thoughts.Kakashi snapped the file he was holding shut and returned it to its' rightful position on the metal shelf. "Is it possible Root had their medical services performed elsewhere?""Yes," The Hokage sighed, "But not completely, the medical ninja would have noticed had medical records been completely absent for any ninja. And I went through and revised and enforced new record-keeping practices when I came back here. We've been doing thorough semi-annual medical examinations on all active ninja, including bloodwork analysis, ever since I was inaugurated."Kakashi put his hands in his pockets, adopting his usual posture, "Then why are there no records that Sai ever had blood drawn here?""I don't know," snapped Tsunade irritated, "There should be. But without the records, we can't identify if there are any vials of his blood in the storage sealing units." Tsunade tapped her chin with a finger idly. "Did you check for bloodwork records on the other known Root members?""Yes," Kakashi said, letting his gaze rove over the several thousand files contained in the massive medical archive. "It was hit or mess, and there is no apparent pattern as to why I found bloodwork records for some, and not for others."The Hokage bit her lip. "Are we missing bloodwork records for anyone else, any ninja not known to be Root?"Kakashi shrugged. "Possibly, but if you want to find that out anytime within this century, you're going to need to assign a couple of genin teams to look through all these." That Kakashi wouldn't be expending the effort to check hundreds of thousands of records himself went unsaid.Both the Hokage and Kakashi looked a bit depressed at the idea of actually combing through all of the records contained in the room. "Well," said Tsunade finally, "I had been trying to come up with something to keep Sensei's grand-brat and his teammates busy.""Oh?""Mhmmm," Tsunade ran her fingers over the spines of a group of files on a shelf, "they switched the men's and women's restroom signs in every public facility one night last week. It's caused an incredible backlog of paperwork for the military police because of all the harassment complaints. Apparently there isn't a single woman in this village who believes a man would honestly accidently walk into the wrong bathroom." She sighed, "Although, ironically enough, not a single man has lodged a complaint about the issue. I'd probably laugh about it if I didn't have that stuck-up Hyuuga ass-hole who is currently heading the military police in my office every other day complaining about the abuse of public facilities and the necessity of instilling boundaries in our rebellious youth." She paused, and then added, as if sharing a fond afterthought. "Little sh@ts.""Ahh," said Kakashi knowingly nodding his head, secretly grateful that he'd narrowly avoided having to be responsible for more than three inventive genin in his lifetime.Kakashi was relieved that Naruto was gone when he got back to the apartment. He still wasn't entirely comfortable with his temporary roommate, although he was now more or less adapting to her presence. He still liked the few moments of privacy he could steal for himself, when he didn't have to worry about another person. He was used to a bachelor lifestyle, and not at all accustomed to sharing quarters with someone of the opposite sex outside mission parameters.He was disgruntled to realize just how quickly his own habits had adjusted to accommodate the girl. The first few nights (after he'd reluctantly returned to the building), it'd been difficult to get to sleep in his own home. Lately, he'd found himself waking up from his normal nightmares and having to search out her chakra and reassure himself that she was fine before getting back to sleep. She was becoming something of a security blanket. That was going to be a pain in the ass to get used to when she went back to her own place. He'd probably be a creepy-stalker for a week or two, and have to go check and make sure that she was safe in her apartment in the middle of the night if he wanted to get a decent measure of sleep.He began to pull off his vest, intending to get a shower and wash all the dust off from the archives he'd been browsing. He felt like a thick coat of it had settled over his skin, and his hair especially. It seemed to stick to his hair as if it was magnetic.He slowed down as he wandered from the bedroom, where he'd come in through the window, to the living room. Something was off about the apartment. It was subtle, whatever it was, but everything smelled like—Kakashi stopped walking into the bathroom and backtracked a few steps. Flowers. Everything smelled like flowers. Probably because there was a humongous overflowing clay pot of orange blossoms on his kitchen table. And other colorful plants were now placed sporadically throughout his kitchen, giving the normally masculine, minimalistic décor a lively, slightly feminine vibe.He put his hands on his hips and considered the change. It wasn't that he had anything against flowers. But he wasn't sure how he felt about all of it. It felt a little bit like his space wasn't entirely his anymore, in a more permanent way. It was still Hatake Kakashi's apartment, but now it was also hers.He shook his head. What odd thoughts, he needed to stop analyzing things through canine instincts. It really wasn't like Naruto was trying to pee on his territory. His pack would laugh at him. And probably eat the flowers. Besides, the flowers would be gone soon enough and his apartment would go back to smelling entirely of dogs and metal, old blood, and a little bit of soap. The soft, comforting smells that Naruto brought, with her flowers and fruit-scented shampoos and strange cooking experiments would all be gone. He was most likely reacting oddly to everything due to nostalgia, because the last time he'd been anywhere that smelled like this on a semi-frequent basis had been when he'd been 'living' with Sensei and Kushina-san. But his heart hurt when his thoughts wandered down that road, so he was just going to drown himself in the shower now, thank you.Kakashi didn't notice the bra hanging on the bathroom doorknob until he was stepping out of the shower. He lost his balance for a moment, startled, and had to quick-step to catch himself on the ceramic sink. He scowled at the offending garment, hanging innocently off the back of the shut door, mocking him with quiet pastel hues completely at odds with the bright colors its' owner favored for her outer garments. He couldn't keep the blush from his face, unable to stifle the natural progression of thoughts that went from simply seeing the bra to imagining what it looked like on its owner.He reached out his hand and paused as it dawned on him that if he was going to leave the bathroom, he was actually going to have to touch the bra.He stood and stared at the door, shifting his weight uncertainly. He wasn't sure what to do next. Normally, he liked to go get dressed before towel drying his hair. That was his routine, as he didn't like the feeling of vulnerability that came with a lack of clothing, and he didn't like breaking his routines. But if he was going to leave the bathroom he was going to have to touch...it. His eye twitched and he dropped his hand to his side, turning to pull another towel from the cabinet. It wasn't like he'd never handled a woman's undergarments before, but he was still trying to pretend that Naruto hadn't developed enough to need such things. This was obviously futile, as he'd had the evidence of such literally flaunted before his eyes for a couple of weeks now. But still, he'd just, umm, hmmm. He'd deal with it in a minute.He dried his hair as best as he could, the humidity in his bathroom working against him. He checked the mirror, the bra was still there. Well, he'd just have to throw the towel over it and pretend it didn't exist, and politely ask Naruto to keep her clothes in a tidier manner from now on, but first, he'd just go ahead and brush his teeth since he had the time. He popped open the medicine cabinet roughly, and several objects fell out, his hands flying forward hastily to grab them all. He blinked in surprise at the assortment of makeup and hairclips he was now holding.He hastily shoved them back, but couldn't get them all to fit right. Did she put a time-space seal on this thing? This was absurd, it shouldn't be that hard to get all this cr@p to fit back into a cabinet. If Naruto could organize this so it all fit, surely Kakashi could figure this out without too much effort.Five frustrating minutes later, Kakashi was ready to tear his hair out or rip the cabinet from the wall, one of the two. Every time he thought he got it all to fit something else popped out and fell into the sink. In the midst of growling at the bathroom fixtures and seriously considering shredding a scrunchie and blaming it on the dogs he spotted the brightly colored plastic box squirrelled away behind the sink. Relieved, he bent down to retrieve it, propping it on the small sink and popping it open. He stared at its contents, slightly bewildered. Why did girls need all this stuff? She didn't even wear makeup, not that he'd noticed at least. He picked up a small, glass orange sphere and curiously rolled it in his palm. What was this?He was jolted from his thoughts by the slam of the main door rattling the apartment walls and Naruto's loud greeting. He turned quickly and the edge of his hip caught the box, knocking it off the sink and sending it hurtling to the floor. In the split second he reached forward to grab the box he lost his grip on the glass bottle and it fell to the floor with a harsh crack, liquid contents spilling out onto the floor, his nose immediately assaulted but the overwhelming scent of oranges and bananas and a flower-orhcid?-and mangos and his brain was going to explode it was so strong. Who put so many smells into a bottle? What insanity was this? His eyes started watering and he sneezed several times. His sight blurred and he stumbled with the force of his sneezes, stepping in the liquid puddle on the floor and slipping, hands thrown out trying to catch himself on something, anything, and managing to grab the d@mn bra, which didn't stop his downward progress at all. He hit the floor with a harsh thud, landing uncomfortably on some vials of mascara and gripping the bra so hard it made a large ripping sound, the sudden give of the fabric letting him know he'd broken the wretched thing.Perfect. He refused to look, settling for simply sneezing, still slightly shocked by everything that had happened in the span of a few seconds and trying to make sense of it all in his head. Infamous, Legendary Kakashi of the Sharingan, Master of a Thousand Jutsu, Elite Ninja of Konoha, Former Division Commander of the Allied Shinobi Forces, failed in thirty seconds by a particularly potent bottle of perfume and a bra. He sneezed once more, rapidly blinking his teary, irritated eyes.A timid knock sounded on the door. "Kakashi?"In the main room of the apartment, Naruto plastered herself to the bathroom door, ear flat against the wood as she tried to make out what was going on inside. She'd heard an odd crash and now Kakashi appeared to be having some sort of allergic reaction to something, neither of which was normal behavior for the copy ninja. She knew she probably shouldn't go in, but her imagination was kicking into overdrive the longer she went unanswered. She bit her lip and tentatively placed her hand on the brass doorknob.Kakashi sneezed again, as the knock came louder, Naruto repeating the call of his name through the door.Kakashi thanked every potential god in existence that he'd thought to lock the door, and then nearly had a heart attack when he realized, no, he didn't lock the door, because if he had he'd have seen the g@dd@mn bra from the start and avoided this nightmare."Kakashi," the voice sounded stronger, more concerned as the door knob seemed to turn in slow motion, "What did you do? What is that smell? Are you alright?""It's fine," he yelled back, lunging for the door just as it opened the tiniest sliver, promptly slamming it shut with his shoulder in a feat of ninja-swift reflexes. He heard Naruto give a startled squawk at the sound of Kakashi colliding with the door, but she didn't appear to be making a move to open it again. He raised a hand to rub at his itching eyes and gave a pinched yelp himself when he realized he was still holding onto the d@mn bra. He scowled and his fist clenched around the pieces.He took a moment to compose himself, securing the towel around his waist, and kicking the various bottles littering the floor into one corner of the bathroom. He straightened, wiped his running nose on some tissues and threw the door open with a grimace, revealing a concerned Naruto fidgeting on the other side.Naruto's eyes widened as she took in Kakashi. Despite clearly having recently showered, he looked disheveled and disgruntled. What was even more shocking was that he was only wearing a towel. Which was doing something really funny to her stomach, only, not really to her stomach because whatever was twisting, it was lower than her stomach, more like her gut. And she could feel the red, heated flush spreading across her face because he was just in a towel, as in, there was an excellent beautiful bare chest on display about a foot in front of her, criss-crossed with an interesting silver network of old scars over well-toned muscles, and, as she gulped and forced herself to raise her eyes, he wasn't wearing his mask. No mask. No mask at all. And he definitely didn't have fish lips like she and her teammates had jokingly theorized when they were kids.Kakashi realized he wasn't wearing his mask about the same moment Naruto did, but the impending sneeze fest he felt his body seizing in preparation for made him not care that much."I believe this is yours," he deadpanned, thrusting the garment into the girl's flustered hands and brushing past her to his bedroom, the fruity, floral smell that was emanating from him undermining his intimidating glare.Naruto, stunned stupid for the moment, froze in place for ten seconds before suddenly doubling over in a hysterical fit of giggles, practically crying for breath as she clutched the destroyed garment tight in her fist, so overwhelmed at the absurdity of the moment that she hadn't yet realized that Kakashi had somehow managed to ruin her favorite bra in the simple process of taking a shower.Kakashi stiffened. Was she giggling? Yes. Yes, she was giggling.
  Dammit.
He slammed his bedroom door shut behind him.Yamato found Kakashi brooding by the memorial stone."Senpai," the younger man greeted cheerfully.Kakashi blinked sleepily back at him, "You're back then?"Yamato frowned, "Well you don't have to say it so enthusiastically.""Ah," the copy ninja shrugged apologetically, "sorry, it's been a weird couple of weeks.""Weird?" Yamato raised an eyebrow, "that wouldn't have anything to do with your new living arrangements, would it?"Kakashi seemed to deflate a bit, "So you've heard about that, huh?""Well, witnessed it, is more appropriate," Yamato said wryly."Oh," Kakashi said, sounding morose."Oh?" lines appeared in Yamato's forehead, "You don't sound really thrilled with it.""It's just a temporary thing," Kakashi noted absently, studying the dark obelisk.Yamato tried to wrap his mind around the idea that he'd been gone for three weeks and Naruto and Kakashi had decided to move in together for a temporary fling. "She's not staying?" That seemed so strange, Naruto typically attached herself like a limpet to anyone that showed her affection."She's just using me," Kakashi nodded, turning on his heel and ambling off to the training grounds where he and Yamato routinely sparred whenever the other turned up recovered from their most recent mission.The copy ninja paused when he realized he wasn't being followed by his most devoted fan. He looked back over his shoulder, "Are you coming?"Yamato started, brain temporarily out of working order, trying to realign his world view to one where the adorable Naruto was a manipulative man-eater and his idolized senpai was just fine shacking up with his favorite student for a few weeks and having what seemed to be furniture-toppling, bodice-ripping, ehrm, encounters."Coming!" He trotted after the other man, but only after casting a quiet 'kai' to make sure that this wasn't some meddling chūnin's bizarre idea of a joke in which he was stuck."Has twenty-four hours shed any light on the matter?" Tsunade drawled from the doorway, sipping some tea as she observed the pair of women at work at her desk. This delegation thing is kind of nice, she thought, hiding her smirk behind the porcelain cup."It's shed light on several things, Tsunade-sama," Shizune said sounding strained, straightening from her stooped position over the desk and rolling her shoulders, "Including how atrocious Naruto-san's letter writing skills are—""Hey!" Naruto puffed her cheeks out, indignant."Keep writing, Naruto!" Shizune snapped at the girl, no longer making any effort to appear to be in good humor."Eeep!" Naruto squeaked and turned her attention back to the responses she was carefully penning under Shizune's diligent direction.Tsunade laughed, "I'm sure she has an excellent teacher!"Shizune crossed her arms, "When you said you were going to start training Naruto, I didn't realize that you were volunteering me as the trainer.""You make it sound like I'm a pet," the younger blonde complained.Without turning her baleful gaze from the village leader, Shizune stuck out her hand and pushed Naruto's head back down toward the letters littering the desk."I get it, I get it," the blonde muttered resentfully, continuing to pen out the responses Shizune had dictated to her, making minor alterations whenever the other woman was distracted."Well, you do such a good job supervising me, I thought I might give you an early start with getting Naruto into good habits."Shizune just huffed and yanked a scroll of notes off the desktop, walking toward the older blonde and holding it out purposefully to the other woman, shaking it meaningfully.Tsunade tightened her grip around the teacup and eyed the document suspiciously, "Do I have to?""Yes," Shizune bit out, thrusting it toward the other woman, engaging in an exchange of items as the Hokage surrendered her drink to her assistant and unrolled the scroll so she could read Shizune's notes.Tsunade's honey brown eyes trailed down the document, taking in the notes and facial features tightening as she absorbed the information. She paused when she got to the bottom, then rolled the scroll up with a snap of her wrist. "Well, sh@t.""I know," Shizune nodded."Naruto-chan, go find that lazy, perverted Sensei of yours and haul his ass up here," Tsunade advanced toward her desk and chased the younger blonde out of her chair with shooing motions."Kakashi?" Naruto stopped chewing on the edge of her pen. "Why do we need him?'"Because I said so," snapped the Hokage, cringing at the maternal phrase and how old it made her feel to use it."Fine," said the chūnin, propping a hand on her hip, "but how am I supposed to find him?""Seriously?" Tsunade raised an eyebrow at the girl, "Are you a ninja or not? Use the fox, or your frogs, or your d@mn feminine wiles for all I care, but find Hatake Kakashi and drag his sorry ass to my office!""Ok, ok!" Naruto cringed and headed for the nearest window."Wait," Shizune reached out and snagged the girl by her collar as she balanced on the windowsill, ignoring the subsequent squawk and flailing arms. "Tsunade-sama, this really would be quicker if you would just check with the crystal ball, please?""Oh," The Hokage blinked, "I keep forgetting I can do that now.""What?" Naruto twitched curiously and twisted awkwardly in Shizune's grip."Come see my new toy," said Tsunade with a smug grin as Naruto trotted obediently to her side."It only took her five years to figure out how to make it work," muttered Shizune under her breath."I heard that," but any ire was drowned out by the woman's focus on a glass ball she pulled out from a drawer.A faint glow appeared around the instrument as the Hokage channeled her chakra into it, and all three women peered closely at the images forming within it."How does it work?" Naruto asked, squinting."You have to know the subject's chakra signature fairly well—""There he is!" Tsunade preened. "He's having a tea party with Yamato and Genma. Go fetch. Tell them they can talk about their love lives and paint their nails on their own time, when they're dead."Naruto rolled her eyes and bounded over to the window. "Yeah, yeah Grandma." She ducked out of ingrained habit, a large glass object sailing past her head as she hit the ground and took off toward the training grounds."Goddammit." Tsunade scowled, "I liked that one." She peered accusingly up at Shizune. "You should have stopped me from doing that. Go get me a new one.""We have to special order those things you know, they aren't cheap.""Why not? They obviously aren't that well-made if they can't even survive one half-hearted toss out a window," argued the blonde, crossing her arms. "Besides, if I don't have one I'll go back to personally checking on the critical care patients instead of just monitoring them all from my desk."Shizune stood her ground, "I'll put a rush order in, but only if you finish signing the rest of the Sunagakure sub-contracts by five today. And you have to behave during those negotiations with the caravan merchants, no alcohol, no matter how shoddy you think their tin is."Tsunade weighed the pros and cons, and came down on the side of wanting to play with her new toy now that she figured out how to work it. Especially since it made avoiding Shizune much, much easier. "Fine," she acquiesced.Shizune didn't mention that she had ten of the b@lls stockpiled in the supply closet. Tsunade-sama was predictably hard on office supplies, but Shizune had learned to take advantage of opportunities for productivity when they presented themselves.His training ground was occupied when he finally meandered into the main clearing."I thought I might find you here!" Genma waved cheerily and the senbon in his mouth tilted upward with his smile.Kakashi frowned, "You were looking for me?""Genma-san," greeted Yamato, "are you going to spar with us today?"Genma blinked, "Well I could, no problem, but first I just wanted to clear up a misund—"Kakashi stiffened, "That's unnecessary." He really didn't want to re-hash their conversation of a few nights ago."Oh," Genma looked relieved. "You talked with your girl then?""She's not my girl," repeated Kakashi, stuffing his hands in his pockets."Senpai says it's temporary," Yamato contributed helpfully, glad to find someone else with whom he could discuss his idol's new relationship."Temporary?" Genma frowned, "I just wanted to make sure you knew I wasn't hitting on her.""You were hitting on Naruto-san?" Yamato stared at the other man, crossing his arms."No!" Genma defended, before sheepishly rubbing the back of his head, "But it might have looked like that. Anyway," the tokubetsu jōnin focused his attention on Kakashi, "what's this about it being temporary?"Kakashi shifted his weight, "Are we going to stand around and gossip all day, or actually train?""Trainings good." Yamato said, recognizing that his senpai was reaching his limit for social niceties."Why not both," Genma wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, then yelped and vanished as Kakashi let loose a barrage of kunai in his direction."You didn't say start!" Genma called from behind some bushes.Kakashi snorted and took to the trees while Yamato frowned in disproval in the general direction of the interloping third party."Two against one," called Kakashi from the higher ground, "Genma-kun, since you're clearly out of shape, I'll let you have Tenzo today. Come after me in ten." Kakashi stepped back and melted into the foliage, going deeper into the training ground to set up some obstacles.Genma slouched out of the bushes with a mournful sigh, "Always so serious."Yamato pulled out his weapons pouch and redistributed some kunai. "I think he's just in a," the younger jōnin paused, the right words not coming to him. "I think he's in a mood," he finally finished awkwardly with a 'what can you do?' expression."A mood," drawled Genma dubiously. He sighed and waved Yamato over, "Give me some of those senbon, I wasn't actually thinking I was going to land my b@tt in a training session today.""Then maybe you shouldn't come to training grounds uninvited," Yamato said with a sniff, a smidgeon resentful that he was having to share his bonding time with the other man.Genma rolled his eyes at the childish comment, "Tell me about this 'temporary' thing he's got going with Naru-chan?"Yamato rubbed his head. "I don't know, I mean, I stopped by his place just yesterday and she seemed pretty permanently moved in and happy. It didn't seem like they were fighting." He looked off in the direction in which Kakashi had fled. "But then today he's being all," Yamato tilted his head to and fro, searching for the right adjective, "broody."Genma tapped his chin thoughtfully, "maybe he's just having trouble coming to terms with being with someone so much younger. I mean, it's not that big of an age gap, but still, he'd be the type to make a big deal out of something like this and be all 'she should be with someone her own age' angsty."Yamato hummed, slightly distracted, not ready to commit to what his own thoughts were on the subject. He was jolted out of his own reverie by a strong clap to the, sending him stumbling forward a few steps.Genma smiled, "we should make sure he knows that we support the two of them, you know, that we just want them to be happy." The senbon-chewing man tipped his head considering, "You especially, you should let him know you're ok with this, 'cuz he cares about what you think."Yamato scowled, "Maybe I should make Senpai and Naruto-san go work it out on their own and not drag me into their problems.""Haha," Genma chuckled, grinning slow and sly, "You sound like Kakashi's making you the other woman.""He has not," snapped Yamato flustered. See if I save his ass when we find senpai. He started off toward the deeper part of the training grounds, stomping indignantly.Fifteen minutes later, Genma was pinned to a tree trunk with an 'accidentally' mis-aimed mokuton attack, chewing on his senbon thoughtfully as the two former ANBU dodged and weaved, ninjutsu temporarily discarded in favor of getting some taijutsu practice in. I probably should be a bit miffed about Yamato taking me out of the action, but it's actually a relief not to be caught up in this lover's spat."You're very aggressive today," Kakashi commented, tone mild in contrast to the force Yamato was putting into his punches and kicks."I have a lot of excess energy," bit out Yamato, sweeping his back leg out in a powerful front kick, which Kakashi easily sidestepped."Well it's making him sloppy."The soft critique sounded from next to Genma's ear and the man jumped slightly, well, as well one could jump when cocooned in hundreds of pounds of tree bark.Genma eyed Kakashi speculatively, "That's just mean. How long has he been fighting a bunshin?""Three minutes and forty seven seconds.""Senpai!" Yamato's aggravated exclamation alerted the pair to the fact that Yamato had just now realized he wasn't fighting the real Kakashi."Well," Kakashi shrugged, leaning idly against Genma's prison, "destroy them and I'll come back.""Them?" Yamato blinked, cursing and flashing away as two more Kakashi-bunshin popped out of the forest, cornering the man.Kakashi took a step back and eyed the knotted mess of roots that Genma was trapped in, clearly thinking about how best to remove the other ninja from his containment. Finally he shrugged and popped back his wrist, lightening crackling into existence around his fist.Genma gulped and paled. "You really don't have to—"But then with a loud crack and a spray of woodchips Genma was falling forward, tripping over his own feet. He would have fallen on his face had Kakashi not caught the back of his jacket and begun dragging the man after Yamato. Genma meekly came along, the serious, lost-in-thought expression on his peer's face intimidating him into silence.Suddenly, Genma caught a whiff of something strange. He crinkled his eyes in confusion, and tried to lean closer toward Kakashi, surreptitiously sniffing. Yup, he does. "Kakashi," he asked, not entirely certain he wanted the answer to this question.A single grey eye glanced at him apathetically.Genma put a few more inches between them as they walked just in case Kakashi got upset at the forthcoming inquiry. "Why do you smell like flowers?"Kakashi stopped, lazy eye unnerving Genma by staring at the man without blinking, and then the copy ninja just as suddenly stiffened and stalked forward, jaw clenching beneath his mask.Genma hastened his step to keep up, "Just curious!" He finally reached Kakashi right as the other man sat down on a partially rotten log, just on the edge of a clearing in which Yamato was sullenly trying to dig himself out of a mudpit, the remnants of a last-ditch attack of a dying bunshin armed with some unusual explosive seals."Does Tenten leave her underwear out around the apartment?"Genma's breath hitched, and he choked on his senbon, quickly removing it from his mouth and looking at the other jōnin in bewilderment as he perched next to him on the log. "Excuse me?" What in the world does that have to do with why he smells like a girl?Kakashi just rubbed his forehead wearily as an equally tired Yamato finished his own fight and trudged over to them."I mean," Kakashi said gesturing toward Genma, "is it normal for girls to just leave their clothes out all over the apartment? Are they really that messy? I thought they were supposed to be the neater gender."Genma actually had to think about this one for a moment. When he'd gone over to Tenten's before, she generally had the place nice and tidy. However, he was such a nosy, rude guest that it hadn't taken him long to figure out that she was just sweeping up all her dirty clothes and dumping them in the empty bathtub when he came over, pulling the shower curtain shut to hide the mess. Out of sight, out of mind. She'd laughed when he'd called her on it, and admitted something to the effect that girls were just as messy (not dirty, just messy) as men, but were better at pretending they weren't. So, drawing from that omission, "Yeah, I guess she does. Throw her clothes around and leave them, I mean."Kakashi's shoulders slumped and his chin dipped to his chest, his face one of deep introspection.Yamato slid down to sit cross-legged on the grass in front of them. "Is there a reason we're talking about Gai's student's clothes? Because I'm not sure that's a safe topic," he said in a stage-whisper.Genma just raised his hands in a 'clueless' gesture."She's taken over my bathroom," Kakashi finally admitted, sounding very put-upon.Yamato and Genma shared a look."I'm sorry?" Genma finally offered, tentatively."Her stuff's everywhere," Kakashi muttered miserably, "clothes on the doorknobs, hairbrush on the table, flowers in my kitchen windows, bobbypins on the bathroom floor and poking into you when you sit on the couch, everywhere." The copy ninja was beginning to look distressed, causing a similar expression to appear his comrades' faces."Well," Yamato cleared his throat, bravely deciding that someone was going to have to be the adult in this situation. "I think that's just part of living together, Senpai. She probably finds some of your habits equally annoying. But if it really bothers you," he shot Genma a nervous look, requesting backup, "have you tried talking to her about it?"Genma caught the request and tried to tack on his own advice, "Yeah," he nodded knowingly, trying to appear like he was an old hand at this relationship sh@t (hell, in this group, he probably had ten times the experience handling the opposite gender), "everybody that suddenly finds themselves with a roommate has to deal with stuff like that, but its nothing you should end a relationship over. I mean just talk to her. That's what I'd do."Kakashi seemed to be reflecting on their words.Still curious, Genma leaned in to re-ask his original question, not noticing the alarm on Yamato's paling face and the sudden, subtle jerks his hands were making."Does your bathroom smell like flowers now or something?"Kakashi gave a muffled groan, running his fingers through his hair and looking off into the woods to the right, away from both his companions, and ignoring Yamato's coughs."The flowers are everywhere! On the table, in the windows, and all the makeup in the bathroom—it's all in little breakable glass bottles, one slip up and smash, you've basically exploded an entire can of scented air freshener in the place. And it lingers. You can't wash the sh@t off. She doesn't even use half of it, it just takes up space and falls on you when you open a cabinet door. I'm beginning to feel like I'm going to be ambushed by enemy makeup every time I open one of my cupboards, it's like its' there just to annoy—""Oh, really?"The two older jōnin jumped at the angry feminine voice and slowly turned around to face the intruder while Yamato attempted to melt into the forest floor.Naruto stood tense and flushed, hands on her hips, tapping her foot in anger against the mossy dirt floor.Kakashi felt the muscles in his shoulders tighten in a fight or flight reaction, alarmed when he realized that what he was focusing on was the way her eyes were sparking with anger, the way her chest was heaving in that low-cut top as she took in a particularly deep breath to yell—"You know, Tsunade-sama—"Kakashi flinched, knowing exactly how angry the girl had to be to refer to the Hokage by her proper name."Tsunade-sama told me the three of you were sitting around gossiping like little girls, but I didn't believe her!"It was taking every ounce of Naruto's self control to reign in how much her body wanted to shake with anger and embarrassment. She'd really not expected to come out here and find Kakashi making fun of her living habits. She felt betrayed, and embarrassed, and angry. And she kind of wanted to cry in frustration, but at the same time she didn't 'cuz she felt like that meant Kakashi'd won. What he'd win, she didn't know, but she knew if she'd cried he'd won something.Genma held out a hand, trying to placate the blonde clearly building up some serious steam, "He really didn't mean any harm—""I'm sorry," Naruto snapped, "Did I say you could talk?""Er—no," Genma twitched and hunched his shoulders in, quailing under a strange sensation of dejavu, flashing back to once upon a time when he was guarding a blond Hokage being berated by his fear-inspiring, spatula wielding wife for not taking the cookies she'd made the night before into the office the next day like she'd asked."It's not exactly like you've been the world's greatest host you know!" Naruto stalked forward jabbing her finger in Kakashi's face. "In case you haven't noticed, I've been doing all the grocery shopping, and the dishes, and the dusting, and the laundry, and I don't think your floor had been mopped in years before I got there—I've basically been you're f@ck@ng live-in maid the past two weeks and have you said so much as thank you? And did you know how much dog hair was on your couch cushions?"Kakashi mistakenly tried to reply, but Naruto bulldozed right over what would only have been vaguely educated guesses while Yamato and Genma watched the tantrum with wide eyes and bated breath."I don't think so! So you can just suck it about my plants in the kitchen and my sh@t in the bathroom. You don't even put the toilet seat down half the time which is just, like, the most basic etiquette thing in the book." She stopped her rant, chest heaving and cheeks flushed, to gesture irately toward Genma, "Am I right?"There was an awkward pause where Genma's brain had to take a moment to catch up to the fact that now she actually a verbal answer. "Oh, umm, yeah, maybe, kind of," the senbon slipped out of his mouth in his haste to agree and he gave an apologetic shrug in response to Kakashi's betrayed expression.Naruto threw her hands in the air, "And then there's the whole thing with the toilet paper roll, you're always putting it on backward on the spool thingy that connects to the cabinet," Naruto's tirade was now punctuated with exaggerated gestures that just made Kakashi more confused."There's a right way to put toilet paper on the-" Kakashi's brain blanked on the word, as he rose to his feet unsteadily, backing away as Naruto continued advancing."Yes," she hissed, pulling furiously on one of her pigtails, "You're supposed to put it on the holder so that it unwinds over the roll and you're always setting it up so it unwinds under the roll and it's just driving me crazy."Kakashi took another step back at the slightly manic glint in the girl's eyes. He thought he'd be better able to defend himself on his feet when she inevitably launched a physical attack, but he was caught off guard by the evolution of the argument into one about the proper orientation of toilet paper when installed on a horizontal axle for ease of access.Naruto seemed to realize she'd gone off the deep end a tad, and took a deep, relaxing breath, before straightening and regarding the copy ninja with an intense, but no longer borderline psychotic breakdown-ish, stare. She cocked her hips and deadpanned, "And you so owe me a new bra."Kakashi's spine stiffened and his brow furrowed, "Now wait just a minute—""No, you broke it, you buy it," Naruto bit out, grinding her foot into the dirt and leaning forward. "And it was my favorite.""I didn't break it—""You tore it in two with your bare hands!"Yamato coughed politely, "Maybe you two should talk—""B@tt out!" Snarled Naruto, posture seething aggression, her own yell slightly louder than the adamant "Not now, Tenzo!" coming from Kakashi as he finally rallied the willpower to defend himself from the absurdity of the latest accusation."Ok," Genma said with false cheer, swiftly rising to his feet and pulling Yamato up along with him by a solid grip on the back of the younger man's jacket, "Clearly, The Honeymoon is over and I think it's time for us to go!" He waved cheekily at the two, "Bye now!" Both he and Yamato vanished in a swirl of leaves.Kakashi was feeling slightly silly about the argument now that he'd scared off two men who, at least on paper, were more emotionally stable than himself, but wasn't allowed to dwell in his thoughts as Naruto leaned forward and snatched his hand."Come on," Naruto bit, blue eyes still tight with anger, "Granny wants you in her office, like, yesterday.""What's wrong with you two?" Tsunade eyed the two ninja that reported to her office and immediately took up defensive positions on opposite sides of the room. These two are never like this."Kakashi's being a jerk." Naruto stated from her position by the windows, lips pursed.Kakashi remained slouched in his usual posture, stoic and silent, and as physically far away as possible from the blonde currently having a hissy fit.Naruto didn't react well to the lack of response. "And when I say jerk I mean he's being an arrogant @ssh@l@," she said, feeling compelled to elaborate on just how offended she was at Kakashi's behavior.Shizune watched the exchange with a fascinated grimace.What an awful expression, thought Tsunade, quickly schooling her own and praying that it didn't look nearly that ridiculous. "Well," said Tsunade, making an impulsive decision in an attempt to salvage several goals, "you're just going to have to take the time to work through his ass-hole-ness together, because your current separate assignments may have collided." Although, now that she thought about it, the anger could be a good thing. It was going to take strong emotions to spur Naruto into action, and to influence Kakashi enough to develop a new perspective regarding the girl. His current skillset for dealing with enraged women was to switch places with the nearest potted vegetation and play hide-and-seek for a few days. Naruto wasn't going to let him pull that with her, and Kakashi was going to have to learn new social tools for successfully dealing with the girl. This could be a very good thing, she rationalized."No," said Kakashi, flat and decisive.Tsunade blinked at the man, "Excuse me?"The copy ninja shifted, slightly uncomfortable, "I will not be assisting Naruto to," he stumbled and mumbled the rest of the words, "seduce someone else on a mission."The Hokage opened and closed her mouth, momentarily flabbergasted until she recalled that Hatake was under the impression that Naruto's current assignment was to undergo training for a seduction mission. Then she felt like slapping her head in disbelief, but she'd long since learned that it was much more satisfying to slap someone else. "That was not exactly what I had in mind.""Oh," Kakashi said, voice small and scratching the back of his head sheepishly.Naruto blushed and continued silently fuming on the other side of the room.Tsunade cleared her throat, "What I meant is that some of Naruto's 'pen pals' have unintentionally discovered some disturbingly familiar occurrences, that I think might be related to your research project, Hatake."Tsunade tossed a scroll to the silver-haired jōnin, who deftly plucked it out of the air promptly unfurled it, scanning its contents with a professional air.Naruto continued to brood, but inched a bit closer to his corner of the room out of curiosity.Kakashi snapped the scroll shut, slipping inside his vest. "I agree it demands investigation, but this can be accomplished on my own." His eyes flickered briefly to Naruto's inquisitive posture. "Accompaniment would only be a hindrance in this."Naruto threw her hands up in the air and stalked back to the window. "And we're back to the lone ninja routine!"Tsunade rolled her eyes, "I'm not sure he ever left it."Kakashi looked unperturbed."Which is why," the older woman continued, undaunted, "since time isn't of the essence, and this will both be a good learning opportunity for Naruto and allow her to reinforce some of her connections, she will be read in on your mission and included in your investigation."Kakashi seemed torn between belligerence and resignation."Stop it," scolded the Hokage, rubbing at her temple, "Don't look so put out. It's not like you'll be leaving tomorrow on a mission that's going to last months. I'm going to need some time to make arrangements for your travels. The two of you are going to have to get pretty nosy in foreign territory and I don't want to ruffle any feathers the wrong way or make it seem like we're at fault for this mess."The two newly teamed ninja continued to look about as happy at the arrangement as hungry cats stuck in the rain."Good lord," muttered Tsunade, putting her hands on her hips and regarding the two wearily, "I don't have time for this sh@t. You've got two days to fix," she gestured to the air between the two, "whatever this is and figure out how to work together. You're both adults, d@mn it, deal with it." She huffed and clapped her hands together. "Dismissed."Naruto turned on her heel and stomped out the door, slamming every door down the hallway loudly in her wake.Kakashi cringed a bit at the jarring noises, rubbing at the back of his head. He looked up and caught Tsunade staring at him in an expectant fashion."Well," drawled the woman, as Shizune continued to watch from the background, far too intrigued by the new developments to make a polite disappearance. The Hokage snapped her fingers to make sure she had the man's attention. "What did you do to the girl?"Kakashi looked like he was going to maintain his silence for all of fifteen seconds. "I apparently put the toilet paper in upside down and left the toilet seat up."The two women remaining in the room looked at him incredulously.He wilted a bit. "And I maybe never said thank you for doing the laundry and implied that she was storing too much cr@p in my bathroom."Kakashi didn't know how to interpret the strange silence settling over the office. Were they just as confused as he was at the situation, or had he missed something that should be glaringly obvious and committed a grievous social error?"I'll go get some sake," Shizune finally said, stirring herself and walking out in a semi-daze."Just," Tsunade floundered, eventually deciding to jab her finger rudely in the direction of the window, "Go home. Now." She shook her head as Hatake fled outside, eager to follow familiar orders.The blonde Hokage slid into her chair. "I don't get paid enough to deal with this sh@t," she sighed, resting her arms on her desk and burying her head in them.Naruto lay on her back, sprawled out on the couch and examining the ceiling, arms curled back under her head.Do you think I over-reacted a little? She bit her lip, finally forming the question that she'd been batting about vaguely in her mind and purposefully projecting it toward the fox.Oh I don't know, Kurama mumbled, not even bothering to open his eyes, I think it's a perfectly normal reaction for females to start hissing and have random, territorial tantrums over the arrangement of human bathing quarters if I'm judging the standard of human social norms by your mother's behavioral patterns. It sounds so petty when you say it like that, Naruto thought, pouting.Small minds think alike, retorted the fox.Naruto groaned and rolled over, burying her face in a pillow. I'm actually kind of embarrassed I snapped at him like that. I just saw him talking about me and my stuff to his friends and it felt like he was making fun of me and I just, I just—Saw red? The Kyuubi rolled its eyes and started licking one enormous paw. You're not going to make any progress explaining yourself to me. I really couldn't give a flick of two tails, said the chakra creature contemptuously.Naruto sighed and raised her face from the pillow, looking mournfully in the direction of the closed bedroom door. "Right," she stated, getting to her feet and nervously making her way to the closed wooden panel she knew Kakashi was hiding behind. She'd sensed him enter the apartment not long after she came back herself, and he'd stayed closeted in the room for the rest of the evening. She timidly knocked on the door, "Kakashi?"On the other side of the door, Kakashi registered the soft knock and lowered the book he'd been pseudo-reading as he'd stiffly reclined on his bed. The Hokage had told him to go home, so he had. Only, he really didn't know what to do once he got home, Tsunade-sama hadn't given him further directions. So he'd sat uncomfortably slouched on his bed, until he reluctantly determined that he was going to have to wait for Naruto to make the first move and react from there.It'd taken Naruto two and half hours to come to the same realization, and in the meantime he'd reviewed the days' events over and over in his head, trying to decide if he'd actually done anything wrong and whether he should apologize or he should be apologized to by Naruto. Tsunade's and Shizune's reactions hadn't helped any either, he still couldn't determine if they'd been shocked by an inappropriate or ignorant behavior on his part or the absurdity of the subject matter of his disagreement with Naruto.Ah, well, in the end, the only way this was going to be resolved was if he actually let the girl in to talk to him. Which meant he was going to have to acknowledge that she existed, and that he was in his room. He clutched the book tight, "Yes?"His door popped open and cautious, calm blue eyes peeked through the inch wide opening. Upon seeing Kakashi and not sensing any hostility, the door opened more and Naruto slipped into the room, padding across the floor and perching on the edge of his bed.Kakashi blinked, tensing. He hadn't known that 'yes' meant 'please come into my room and sit with me.' He should have seen that coming. He subtly inched back on the bed, hitting the wall, which only gave Naruto more room to make herself comfortable. She pulled her bare feet up onto the bed and tucked them under her.She nervously fidgeted with the end of a pigtail draped over her shoulder, eyes focused on the hands working through her hair in her lap, and she missed Kakashi's flinch at the intrusion into his personal bubble of space. He unobtrusively tugged a pillow between them, trying to create some kind of barrier."I'm sorry," Naruto finally blurted out, steadily gazing at her hands clasped tight in her lap.Kakashi froze, and then set his book to the side. "What?"The girl turned to look up at him through wide, sad eyes. "I'm sorry about this afternoon. Earlier. I kind of over-reacted. Maybe."Kakahi relaxed, Oh good. It felt nice to know that he wasn't alone in thinking her behavior had been a bit of an abreaction.Naruto bit her lip and gazed back down. "I just was embarrassed." She shrugged her shoulders. "I came to get you on Granny's orders, and was kind of excited to be able to talk to you about what I was doing, and I found you talking with Yamato taichou and Genma-san and I just—" she looked away, shoulders hitching inward, making her seem smaller, "I was embarrassed because I felt like you were making fun of me."And didn't Kakashi feel like a giant heel at that admission. He studied the far wall for a moment before giving a sigh and rubbing at the back of his head. "I'm sorry too then, that wasn't my intention."Naruto gazed back at him, eyes large and liquid, wavering, "then why were you saying those things?"Kakashi felt trapped, and panicked, at the intensity of her expression. It held a multitude of emotions, not one of which he was capable of handling on a good day. He desperately wished he could evade this discussion, or come up with some way to distract her, but some part of him recognized this as playing a part of those 'trust issues' between Naruto and he to which the Hokage had been alluding.What would Kurenai say? Kakashi thought hard on how to properly word his response, so as to both make himself understood and convey that it wasn't really something that was Naruto's fault, it was just yet another occasion in which Kakashi was too broken to react appropriately to the social circumstances."This whole roommate thing," Kakashi waved a hand and leaned back against the wall, "I'm not very good at it. I value my privacy," he thought briefly of his conversation with Sai and the reference to privacy as a commodity in which Kakashi was wealthy. Well, now I'm back to being a pauper in that regard. "And I'm not used to having to share," he settled for saying, "space.""I'm sorry," the blonde mumbled again, ducking her head."I'm not saying that to you make feel guilty," Kakashi sat up, alarmed. "You've been a good house guest, for the most part." He wanted to see her smile again and stop being so uncharacteristically droopy. It was making his chest tighten uncomfortably. "Aside from setting my kitchen on fire."He did get a smile out of her on that, albeit a very small one."This is just a temporary circumstance, and you should be able to rely on your teammates to help you in situations like this." Kakashi firmly believed that, he just tried very hard to make sure he was the least likely one on which others chose to rely. He'd almost perfected that life choice between his strategies to be physically or emotionally unavailable. Only Naruto would think to crash at the apartment of the man who spent half of his time staring morosely at a gravestone and the other half with his head buried in a book of p@rn."I could probably ask Iruka-sensei, he should be back now," Naruto tentatively offered a solution."No," said Kakashi quickly, immediately wondering why he'd just said that and feeling like a hypocrite. One second I'm telling the girl I'm happiest as a loner, and the next I'm telling her not to leave? That doesn't make any sense. He seemed dumbfounded at his own response, and tried to quickly work through his own thoughts to determine the origins of this impulsive 'no.' It's just because I'm used to her sleeping here now. Iruka actually would notice if I was being a creepy stalker for a few days, and I'm going to need to get proper rest if I'm leading her on a mission into an unknown situation in foreign territory within a few days. The reasoning sounded weak to his own ears, but he couldn't take back the answer as she was now beaming happily at him, mega-watt grin back to its' full power."Really?" She asked, eyes sincere and hopeful."Really," he said weakly, and even though that answer wouldn't have been convincing to a first-day interrogation apprentice, it didn't stop the blonde from launching herself at him, throwing herself against him with enough force to make his head hit the wall with a dull thunk.Oww. Kakashi belatedly reminded himself to relax and breathe, bringing his own arms up, one to lightly pat Naruto on the head and the other to gently push her away, as he'd become accustomed to doing in such situations. Only this time, Naruto didn't retreat and bound away, which would have been the proper fulfillment of her portion of the script."No," said the blonde, instead snuggling closer, pushing her face against his jacket.Whatwhatnow, Kakashi's thoughts blurred together, his breathe quickening with the prolonged contact, he quickly pushed down the panic attack, recognizing the irrationality of his discomfort with the innocent gesture. "Naruto," he said, sounding strained."Five minutes," Naruto said. "I know that's asking a lot, but it's been a bad day, and I want a good hug. And both Sakura-chan and Kurenai-san say that hugs are good for you and something to do with boosting oxy-cotton and I really don't know, but they're good for you and I haven't had one in days and I know you're long overdue so shut up and deal." She wound her arms around him a bit tighter. "Five minutes," the words were muffled as her face turned into his jacket, but the tone and the fingers clutching tightly at him were pleading.Kakashi listened to her light-hearted rambling with half his mind, the other debating whether to give in or run for it. Eventually, he forced his shoulders to loosen and let his own arms relax and rest on top of shoulders. There was no one here to witness it so what was the harm in humoring the girl for five minutes? Besides, if she really got into a mood, she could chase him down and probably tackle him for the same length of time anyway. Only it would take twice as much time and energy and be ten times as annoying. And with his luck today Gai would witness the entire thing and decide it needed to be a daily game.Besides. It had been a long day. And now that he'd gotten his breathing under control and pushed down the panicky feeling, he was kind of sleepy. The sooner this was done, the sooner they both could get a good night's sleep and start preparing for the upcoming mission.And she smelled nice. And looked nice in his arms like this, all content and calm.He let one of his hands fall from her shoulders to rest on the small of her back and he sank a bit more comfortably into the pillows at his back. He felt a bit strange when he realized he was touching the skin of her back because of the way her shirt had ridden up, but she didn't flinch away from his fingers and the oddness soon faded into just the pleasant feeling of warm, soft skin under his fingertips. The gentle rise and fall of her chest confirmed that she really was relaxed with this arrangement and not nervous about hugging a man who had more kills to his name than days in a year.She wiggled a bit so that she was resting slightly higher on his chest and her weapons pouch wasn't digging into his thigh.He relaxed a little more and gently dropped his chin to rest on the crown of her head.Three minutes and forty eight more seconds.His eye began to droop shut, and eventually he let it.
  
  

    
      
        
        
          Beta(s): Ladywinterfic & ElectraSev5n'
User: Summarize the chapter based on the content provided, ensuring to follow the set format and emphasize key aspects within the specified length.
User: Summarize the chapter based on the content provided, ensuring to follow the set format and emphasize key aspects within the specified length.
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