women are checking out men all the time
0:01
and women have all sorts of tricks for
0:03
doing that they might be provocative for
0:05
example because they want to test a man
0:07
to see if he can control his temper and
0:08
no one likes to talk about that but any
0:10
smart woman is going to do that because
0:12
she wants someone who has the capacity
0:13
for aggression but she wants someone who
0:15
can control it because a man will be
0:17
provoked by children and if he can't
0:18
control his temper then he's going to be
0:20
aggressive she has to check that out and
0:22
you don't check that out by having a
0:23
formal conversation you check that out
0:25
the same way children check out their
0:27
parents which is by harassing them and
0:28
seeing what happens and then men check
0:30
women out so maybe one of the things a
0:32
man wants to do if he's going to commit
0:33
to a long-term relationship is he wants
0:35
to find out well does this woman have
0:37
what it takes to actually commit to a
0:39
long-term relationship and what that
0:41
means in part is that he has to know
0:43
that she's capable of controlling her
0:45
impulsive desires right because
0:46
otherwise she's going to
0:49
stray and that's actually a worse
0:51
problem for men than it is for women you
0:53
can tell a woman has control over her
0:55
impulses if she can say no I mean it's a
0:57
way of testing so imagine that you're a
0:59
young guy with plenty to offer and
1:00
you're a hot young woman and you meet
1:02
and you're pretty attracted to each
1:03
other now both of you are going to fall
1:05
under the sway of short-term Temptation
1:08
obviously now the question is are both
1:10
of you or either of you capable of being
1:13
mature in your regard for your iterated
1:15
future self and the potential of a
1:17
long-term relationship and the way the
1:19
man checks that out is by seeing if the
1:20
girl will say no and maybe he checks out
1:22
even harder because he does everything
1:24
he can to seduce her and she still says
1:26
no you know and it works and he knows
1:28
she's interested and she still says no
1:29
no well then he can conclude that she's
1:32
capable of keeping her pants on and
1:34
that's actually something that you need
1:35
to conclude if you're going to commit to
1:36
a long-term partnership obviously on the
1:39
male front because you want to be
1:40
assured of paternity and so you know
1:42
these are very intense games that men
1:43
and women play with each other and there
1:45
no hold barred games because
1:47
everything's at stake but again it
1:48
evolves down to this issue of being able
1:50
to say no even under intense Temptation
1:53
and provocation I don't know how it is
1:55
that young women can be taught that the
1:57
most potent weapon they have is their
1:59
ability to say no and I don't think
2:01
there's anything more attractive to a
2:03
man than a sophisticated woman who knows
2:05
how to say no that's top of the stack as
2:07
far as men are concerned they'll do
2:09
everything to test the thickness of that
2:11
boundary you know if you have nothing
2:13
else to offer at all but immediate
2:15
sexual access that might be your only
2:17
game but if you have anything at all to
2:18
offer and that is what you offer you're
2:20
actually going to be thrown out of The
2:21
Mating Game really quickly because the
2:22
guys they'll just be turned off and they
2:24
won't call you back you'll get what do
2:25
they call that ghosted like in no time
2:27
flat you know and the girls might ask
2:28
well you know I gave the guy what wanted
2:30
why didn't he call me and the answer is
2:32
no you gave his impulsive libido what it
2:34
wanted and that's what you established a
2:36
relationship with but you completely
2:38
sacrificed any possibility at all of
2:40
being attractive to his more mature and
2:43
potentially long-term productive and
2:44
sophisticated self you make yourself
2:46
attractive to that by saying not on your
2:48
life joker I'm taking myself too
2:50
seriously for that and my future and my
2:52
future children and even our future
2:56
relationship so imagine that you have an
2:58
attractive girl and a variety of
3:00
relatively High status men are chasing
3:02
her now you might ask well how do they
3:04
evaluate her status they evaluate her
3:07
status by her ability to say no so
3:10
imagine you know a high status person
3:11
offers himself or herself to you if
3:14
you're of lower status you're going to
3:15
say yes right away but one marker of
3:17
higher status is well no I don't need
3:19
what you're selling yeah but what I'm
3:20
selling is great yeah but I have so many
3:22
offers that I'm not inclined to take
3:24
your offer because I have options it's
3:27
voluntary no on the part of women that
3:29
signals their status and so I don't
3:31
think young women know this at all
3:32
because they want to know how to compete
3:34
with men let's say in the power game
3:36
that's a tough question because women
3:37
are smaller and they're not as
3:38
physically powerful and economic prowess
3:41
isn't as attractive to them and it
3:42
doesn't make them more viable on a
3:44
mating market so the whole game that
3:46
women are playing is way different than
3:47
the game men is playing so you might say
3:48
well how do women equalize the battle
3:50
and I think a huge part of that is by
3:52
reserving to themselves the right to say
3:54
no people are stumbling towards this
3:56
realization even on the radical leftist
3:58
front because they keep saying no means
4:00
no yeah I wish it was that clear but at
4:02
a drunken frat party what constitutes no
4:04
is not self-evident but a clear no on
4:07
the part of a woman and I also think
4:08
that there's every reason to think and
4:10
plenty of evidence that that's also one
4:12
of the things that makes that makes
4:13
women desirable in the eyes of men
4:15
especially if the men might be enticed
4:17
into pursuing a long-term mating
4:19
strategy you know they'll push on women
4:21
and see well will you say yes right away
4:23
and if the answer is yes especially true
4:25
for high status men if the answer is
4:26
immediately yes then the guy assumes
4:28
your status really isn't that high you
4:30
can't say no to me but if the woman says
4:32
no even to you the guy thinks oh well
4:35
you know even though I have everything
4:36
to offer that I have to offer she's just
4:39
not falling over maybe there's something
4:41
there that requires further exploration
4:43
you know and you even see this in female
4:44
pornography it's so interesting because
4:46
the classic female pornographic story is
4:49
you know there's this extremely
4:50
attractive highly productive man who's
4:52
got a real capacity for aggression he's
4:54
a pirate or a surgeon or a werewolf or a
4:56
vampire or a billionaire those are the
4:59
fundamental female pornographic tropes
5:01
and he has women at his disposal but
5:03
this woman is shielded off from him and
5:06
they dance around each other for a long
5:07
time which essentially means that she's
5:09
saying no and he's finally enticed into
5:11
a relationship with her where he
5:13
sacrifices all you know his access to
5:15
all other women and then they have hot
5:16
steamy sex and so you know most of
5:18
female pornography is extended foreplay
5:21
and that's this romantic dance of no
5:23
followed by a very spectacular
5:24
consummation and that certainly mirrors
5:26
the optimal female reproductive pathway
5:29
obviously because otherwise it wouldn't
5:30
be the hottest pornographic fantasy but
5:32
it's based in reality and so I don't
5:34
know how it is that you communicate to
5:35
young women that that the most potent
5:37
tool they have in their armament with
5:39
regard to status with regard to being
5:41
taken seriously is their ability and
5:43
willingness to say no

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