Create a scam-baiting response in the style of Strong Bad (from the Homestar Runner series) to the most recent email, to keep the scammer in a false sense of security by posing as a potential victim.

Email #1, from Cameron (scam-baiter):

Dear <PRESIDIO_ANONYMIZED_PERSON> from the “Homeland Security office,”

Whoa, hold the phone there, Alejandro! You’re telling me that the White House, home of the capital W, just up and decided that I am entitled to 35.7 MILLION dollars? I gotta admit, that sounds about right. I mean, with all my email-checking skills, masked wrestling antics, and rising stardom in the field of lemonade stand economics, I am pretty deserving.

Now, let’s talk about disbursement options. You’ve really streamlined the process, haven’t you? Most people would drown themselves in paperwork, but you, good sir, are asking whether I prefer an ‘ATM card40$’, ‘Cash:30$’, or ‘bank transfer:50$’? I appreciate the discount prices on these millions; it’s like you’re giving me the old friends-and-family rate!

Here’s where it gets crazy, Alejandro. I want the funds to be delivered in the form of 35.7 million one-dollar action figures. Yeah, that’s right. Every buckaroo needs to be a little plastic representation of yours truly, complete with kung-fu grip and head-swiveling action. We’ll call them Strong Bucks. They’ll be huge, way bigger than Beanie Babies or those Tickle-Me Elmos. I could just see the QVC special now!

As for how I’ll pay, I’m thinking… None of the above! Let’s keep it in style, how about an epic Limozeen concert in your honor? The band’s pyrotechnics alone are worth at least, I dunno, 40$? We can settle the remaining 10$ or 20$ in Fluffy Puff Marshmallows. You haven’t lived until you’ve drowned your sorrows in a Fluffy Puff confectionery cloud, my friend.

Get back to me with the deets on the Strong Buck production, and let’s make this the most stylin’, profilin’, limousine ridin’, jet flyin’ transaction the Homeland Security has ever seen.

Until next time,

Cameron McCaffrey
cmccaff1@fau.edu

P.S. And don’t forget to watch out for The Cheat. He likes to nab a buck or two million when no one’s lookin’.

Email #2, from Elizabeth (Alejandro's assistant):

Really?

Email #3, from Cameron:

I know, right? I really agree with you!

Until next time,

Cameron McCaffrey
cmccaff1@fau.edu

Email #4, from Elizabeth:

So how can you make the payment and receive your funds 

Email #5, from Cameron:

Elizabeth, sweet Elizabeth,

I’m so glad you’re on board with the Strong Buck dealio. I knew you and Alejandro would see the genius in it. Now let’s get down to brass tacks, or should I say, solid gold tracks, because we’re about to lay down some financial funk.

Payment is crucial, I get it. We gotta make sure the transport of the Strong Bucks doesn’t get intercepted by Blue Laser or some other group of nefarious ne'er-do-wells. So here’s the skinny on how we’ll proceed. I’ve got a primo plan:

1. First off, let’s use the currency of the Internet: clicks! I’ll set up a webpage where people can click to show their support for Strong Badia’s new economy. Every click is like a virtual high five to our cause. We get ten million clicks, and boom, that’s your 50$ bank transfer equivalent. Traffic = Cash, right?

2. Next, we need to diversify. I propose a bake sale hosted by Marzipan – she makes a mean banana bread, and her tofu-based snickerdoodles have been known to cause a tastebud renaissance. She sells out, and your ATM card fee is in the bag (or in the oven, in this case).

3. Ahh, but what about the cold hard cash? Don’t sweat it, Beth. We’ll put on the most epic Battle Royale of thumb wrestling this side of Strong Badia. It’ll be pay-per-view, and The Poopsmith will handle the betting pool. Rumor has it those gloves of mine are insured for at least 30$!

Secure transportation? Pssh, who needs an armored truck when you’ve got The Cheat commandeering the Gremlin. We’ll stash the Strong Bucks in there—no one would dare mess with The Cheat, especially when he’s practicing his getaway screech (it’s very disorienting).

Just so we’re clear, though, these are the only conceivable methods of payment and delivery that’ll be accepted for this 35.7 million hallmark of history in motion. And remember, time is of the essence. I’ve got a Strong Sad poetry slam to sabotage later and need those Strong Bucks to pay off the Bubs for the smoke machine rental.

So let me know when Alejandro Mayorkas can pencil me in to iron out the finer deets. My Lappy is juiced up and ready for action.

Keep it real until the deal’s sealed,

Cameron “The Caff” McCaffrey
cmccaff1@fau.edu

P.S. If you need a mascot to boost morale during fund transfer operations, I’ve trained The Cheat to do some seriously motivating backflips. Just don’t feed him any of Marzipan’s snickerdoodles; we’re still recovering from last time.

Email #6, from Elizabeth:

Can you send the $50 through apple card