Fix the first paragraph to meet the rubric:

The Given Essay:
While we sleep, several thousands of children will be working through the night to produce the clothes that we buy. This is the main idea in the speech from Florence Kelley, who was a United States social worker and reformer who fought successfully for child labor laws and improved working conditions for working women. Her speech had been delivered before the convention of the National American Woman Suffrage Association in Philadelphia on July 22, 1905. Through the use of rhetorical strategies such as vivid descriptions of working conditions for children, the repetitions of the words such as “children and they”,  similar sentence structures and the use of rhetorical questions she hopes to convince the audience at the National American Woman Suffrage Association to take a stance against child labor. The author employs these rhetorical strategies effectively in convincing her audience; how and why these strategies are effective will be discussed in the rest of this essay.

Florence Kelly’s use of vivid descriptions of working conditions not only helps the audience visualize the atrocities of child labor at factories, they also help in strengthening her argument about child labor. In the quote “Tonight while we sleep, several thousand little girls will be working in textile mills, all the night through in the deafening of the spindles and the looms spinning and weaving [several different fabrics] and ribbons for us to buy” sheds light on how children are being overworked to point that they aren’t getting sleep and establish an emotional appeal which is effective at making us feel sorry or pitiful to hear or even visualize for that matter the atrocities of child labor and cement the idea in audience’s heads that they should take a stance against child labour.

The repetitions of the words children and they, again and again and the use of repeated sentence structures over the span of the entire text is effective due to the fact that the speech was being listened instead of being read so Kelly’s goal would be that her audience understood her argument and cement the idea in their heads.  A good examples of this is from quote “The children make our shoes in the
shoe factories; they knit our stockings, our knitted underwear in the knitting factories. They spin and
weave our cotton underwear in the cotton mills… they spin and weave the silk and velvet wherewith we trim our hats. They stamp buckles and metal ornaments of all kinds, as well as pins and hat-pins. … They carry bundles of garments from the factories to the tenements, little beasts of burden,robbed of school life that they may work for us.” The quote’s use of similar sentence structures and word “they”, is important because the use of similar structures emphasizes her argument in an impactful way.

The use of rhetorical questions make her points more dramatic and persuasive to shape how the audience think about child labour. A good of how she uses rhetorical questions is the quote
“If the mothers and the teachers in Georgia could vote, would the Georgia Legislature have refused at
every session for the last three years to stop the work in the mills of children under twelve years of age?
work all night, if the mothers in New Jersey were enfranchised?” This quote highlights the injustice and raises awareness about the need for change and also is because the questions are a powerful tool in shaping the audience's perspective and provoking deeper thoughts on important issues.

Florence Kelley effectively uses rhetorical strategies such as vivid descriptions of working conditions for children, the repetitions of the words such as children and they,  and similar sentence structures and the use of rhetorical questions to not only inform her audience but to get them to take a stance with her against child labor.

The prompt the essay was written for:
Florence Kelley (1859-1932) was a United States social worker and reformer who fought successfully for child labor laws and improved conditions for working women. She delivered the following speech before the convention of the National American Woman Suffrage Association in Philadelphia on July 22, 1905. 

We have, in this country, two million children under the age of sixteen years who are earning their bread. They vary in age from six and seven years (in the cotton mills of Georgia) and eight, nine and 5 ten years (in the coal-breakers of Pennsylvania), to fourteen, fifteen and sixteen years in more enlightened states. No other portion of the wage earning class increased so rapidly from decade to decade as the 10 young girls from fourteen to twenty years. Men increase, women increase, youth increase, boys increase in the ranks of the breadwinners; but no contingent so doubles from census period to census period (both by percent and by count of heads), as 15 does the contingent of girls between twelve and twenty years of age. They are in commerce, in offices, in manufacturing. Tonight while we sleep, several thousand little girls will be working in textile mills, all the night through, 20 in the deafening noise of the spindles and the looms spinning and weaving cotton and wool, silks and ribbons for us to buy. In Alabama the law provides that a child under sixteen years of age shall not work in a cotton mill at 25 night longer than eight hours, and Alabama does better in this respect than any other southern state. North and South Carolina and Georgia place no restriction upon the work of children at night; and while we sleep little white girls will be working 30 tonight in the mills in those states, working eleven hours at night. In Georgia there is no restriction whatever! A girl of six or seven years, just tall enough to reach the bobbins, may work eleven hours by day or by night. 35 And they will do so tonight, while we sleep. Nor is it only in the South that these things occur. Alabama does better than New Jersey. For Alabama limits the children’s work at night to eight hours, while New Jersey permits it all night long. Last year 40 New Jersey took a long backward step. A good law was repealed which had required women and [children] to stop work at six in the evening and at noon on Friday. Now, therefore, in New Jersey, boys and girls, after their 14th birthday, enjoy the pitiful 45 privilege of working all night long. In Pennsylvania, until last May it was lawful for children, 13 years of age, to work twelve hours at night. A little girl, on her thirteenth birthday, could start away from her home at half past five in the 50 afternoon, carrying her pail of midnight luncheon as happier people carry their midday luncheon, and could work in the mill from six at night until six in the morning, without violating any law of the Commonwealth. 55 If the mothers and the teachers in Georgia could vote, would the Georgia Legislature have refused at every session for the last three years to stop the work in the mills of children under twelve years of age? Would the New Jersey Legislature have passed that 60 shameful repeal bill enabling girls of fourteen years to work all night, if the mothers in New Jersey were enfranchised? Until the mothers in the great industrial states are enfranchised, we shall none of us be able to free our consciences from participation in this great 65 evil. No one in this room tonight can feel free from such participation. The children make our shoes in the shoe factories; they knit our stockings, our knitted underwear in the knitting factories. They spin and weave our cotton underwear in the cotton mills. 70 Children braid straw for our hats, they spin and weave the silk and velvet wherewith we trim our hats. They stamp buckles and metal ornaments of all kinds, as well as pins and hat-pins. Under the sweating system, tiny children make artificial flowers and neckwear for 75 us to buy. They carry bundles of garments from the factories to the tenements, little beasts of burden, robbed of school life that they may work for us. We do not wish this. We prefer to have our work done by men and women. But we are almost 80 powerless. Not wholly powerless, however, are citizens who enjoy the right of petition. For myself, I shall use this power in every possible way until the right to the ballot is granted, and then I shall continue to use both. 85 What can we do to free our consciences? There is one line of action by which we can do much. We can enlist the workingmen on behalf of our enfranchisement just in proportion as we strive with them to free the children. No labor organization in 90 this country ever fails to respond to an appeal for help in the freeing of the children. For the sake of the children, for the Republic in which these children will vote after we are dead, and for the sake of our cause, we should enlist the 95 workingmen voters, with us, in this task of freeing the children from toil! 

Rhetorical Analysis Essay Rubric:
Responds to the prompt with a defensible thesis that analyzes the writer’s
rhetorical choices.
Responses that earn this point:
• Respond to the prompt rather than restate or rephrase the prompt
and clearly articulate a defensible thesis about the rhetorical choices
the writer makes.
EVIDENCE:
Provides specific evidence to
support all claims in a line of
reasoning.
AND
COMMENTARY:
Consistently explains how the
evidence supports a line of
reasoning.
AND
Explains how multiple rhetorical
choices in the passage
contribute to the writer’s
argument, purpose, or message.
Typical responses that earn
4 points:
• Uniformly offer evidence to
support claims.
• Focus on the importance of
specific words and details
from the passage to build an
argument.
• Organize and support
an argument as a line of
reasoning composed of
multiple supporting claims,
each with adequate evidence
that is clearly explained.
• Explain how the writer’s
use of rhetorical choices
contributes to the student’s
interpretation of the passage.
Demonstrates sophistication of thought and/or a complex understanding of the
rhetorical situation.
Responses that earn this point may demonstrate sophistication of thought
and/or a complex understanding of the rhetorical situation by doing the
following:
1. Explaining the significance or relevance of the writer’s rhetorical choices (given
the rhetorical situation).
2. Explaining a purpose or function of the passage’s complexities or tensions.
3. Employing a style that is consistently vivid and persuasive throughout the
student’s response.