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# tactiq.io free youtube transcript
# 40 Harsh Truths I Know at 40 but Wish I Knew at 20
# https://www.youtube.com/watch/lwmVAWXQyY4

00:00:00.220 Today is my 40th birthday.
00:00:01.950 Here are all the things that I know at 40
00:00:03.780 that I wish I knew at 20.
00:00:05.370 Starting with number one,
00:00:06.810 your relationship withothers is a direct reflection
00:00:09.240 of your relationship with yourself.
00:00:10.920 If you treat yourself poorly,
00:00:12.090 then you'll unconsciouslyseek out and tolerate others
00:00:14.580 who treat you poorly as well.
00:00:16.050 If you treat yourselfwith dignity and respect,
00:00:18.150 then you will only tolerate others
00:00:19.530 who treat you withdignity and respect too.
00:00:21.480 Number two, the only way tofeel better about yourself
00:00:23.970 is to do things worth feeling good about.
00:00:26.310 Respect is earned not given.
00:00:28.470 Number three, the onlyfailure is not trying.
00:00:31.410 The only rejection is not asking.
00:00:33.330 The only mistake is not risking anything.
00:00:35.850 Success and failure are fuzzy concepts
00:00:37.860 that only exist in your mindbefore you do something,
00:00:40.710 not after.
00:00:41.880 After the fact, everythingwill be a mixture of both.
00:00:44.550 The only real failure is doing nothing.
00:00:46.860 Number four, no one is coming to save you.
00:00:49.710 No single thing will solveall of your problems.
00:00:52.080 No goal, no achievement, no relationship,
00:00:54.480 no one will ever fix you.
00:00:56.550 You will always feel mildly inadequate
00:00:58.530 and somewhat dissatisfied with your life.
00:01:00.780 Nothing is wrong withyou for feeling this way.
00:01:03.270 On the contrary,
00:01:04.379 it might be the mostnormal thing about you.
00:01:06.450 Number five, be thepartner you want to have.
00:01:09.210 If you want a healthy and fit partner,
00:01:11.100 then be healthy and fit yourself.
00:01:12.840 If you want a loyal andtrustworthy partner,
00:01:14.973 then be loyal and trustworthy yourself.
00:01:17.280 to put it another way, would you date you?
00:01:19.500 If not, then that's a fucking problem.
00:01:21.660 Number six, the mostvaluable things in life
00:01:23.850 compound over a long period of time.
00:01:25.620 I'm talking about health,wealth, knowledge,
00:01:27.540 confidence, relationships,
00:01:29.070 these things will frustrateyou when you're young
00:01:30.930 because they are slow,
00:01:32.130 but if you start buildingthem from a young age
00:01:34.320 and you don't stop, by the timeyou're in your 30s and 40s,
00:01:37.530 you'll have an incredible life.
00:01:39.480 Number seven, the most sexyand exciting things in life
00:01:42.630 are the opposite, theystart out extremely fun,
00:01:45.450 but then have intense,diminishing returns.
00:01:47.970 When you're young, thesethings distract you
00:01:50.040 and occupy a lot ofyour time and attention.
00:01:52.500 This applies to social media, casual sex,
00:01:55.020 drugs and alcohol, video games, gambling,
00:01:57.360 vacations, and blow jobs.
00:01:58.860 The first time is incredible,
00:02:00.420 the second time is almost as good,
00:02:02.460 but then it's all downhill from there.
00:02:04.500 Well, except for the blow jobs.
00:02:06.600 Number eight, if you'renot turning down things
00:02:08.430 that excite you, thenyou're not focused enough
00:02:10.500 on something that matters.
00:02:12.060 Our world is overflowing withstimulation and opportunity.
00:02:15.210 If you aren't strugglingto turn down options,
00:02:17.670 then you haven't correctlyprioritized what matters to you.
00:02:20.700 Number nine, taking responsibilityfor all of your problems
00:02:23.640 alleviates more suffering than it creates.
00:02:26.340 Most people assume thatif you take responsibility
00:02:28.410 for all the pain in your life,
00:02:29.880 then you will just feel worse about it,
00:02:31.740 but the opposite is actually true.
00:02:33.840 The more responsibility you take,
00:02:35.670 the more you empower yourself
00:02:36.990 to actually do something about that pain.
00:02:39.660 That's because number 10, yougive power to who you blame.
00:02:43.020 When you blame someoneelse for your problems,
00:02:44.700 you are giving them power over you.
00:02:46.500 You are allowing them to define
00:02:47.910 and dictate your happiness and wellbeing.
00:02:50.250 This is fucking stupid, sodon't do it, it's not worth it.
00:02:54.660 Number 11, if you have totell someone you're that,
00:02:57.330 then you're not that.
00:02:58.590 A rich man doesn't feel a need
00:02:59.790 to show people he's rich.
00:03:01.260 A smart man doesn't feel aneed to tell people he's smart.
00:03:04.020 A confident person doesn'thave to show people
00:03:06.090 that he's confident, he just is.
00:03:08.310 Don't say it, be it.
00:03:10.500 Number 12, motivation isnot the cause of action,
00:03:13.050 but the effect.
00:03:13.883 If you wanna feelmotivated to do something,
00:03:15.690 take the smallest action towards doing it,
00:03:17.700 then let the momentum carry you forward.
00:03:19.860 Number 13, love is notthe cause of commitment
00:03:22.380 but the effect.
00:03:23.400 You don't wait until youhave a perfect relationship
00:03:25.440 to commit to a person,
00:03:26.520 you commit to the person
00:03:28.050 in order to create theperfect relationship.
00:03:30.120 14, passion is not the causeof good work, but the effect.
00:03:34.290 You don't wait until you findsomething you love doing.
00:03:36.990 You learn to do somethingwell in the process
00:03:39.390 of developing competency and agency
00:03:41.490 then causes you to becomepassionate about it.
00:03:43.980 Ah, where's my paint thinner?
00:03:47.130 Number 15, the person you marry
00:03:48.630 is the person you fight with,
00:03:49.920 the house you buy is the house you repair,
00:03:52.020 the dream job you take isthe job you stress over.
00:03:54.660 Everything comes with aninherent sacrifice to it.
00:03:57.480 Whatever makes us feel good
00:03:58.890 will inevitably also make us feel bad.
00:04:01.350 Number 16, a happy life isnot a life without stress,
00:04:04.080 it's a life of meaningful stress.
00:04:06.090 Number 17, don't view exerciseas an exchange for something.
00:04:10.050 You don't work out to lose a few pounds
00:04:11.850 or earn that hamburger and ice cream.
00:04:13.920 With this mindset, you willlose motivation quickly
00:04:16.440 and quit, instead, viewexercise as an investment.
00:04:19.529 For every unit of energy you put in,
00:04:21.450 you'll receive multipleunits of energy back.
00:04:24.060 The catch is that theseunits of energy you get back
00:04:26.700 will be spread out overweeks, months and years.
00:04:29.700 This is why exercisinghardcore occasionally
00:04:32.370 is far inferior than exercisinga little bit every day.
00:04:36.210 Okay, so here's a bonus thingthat I kind of knew at 20,
00:04:39.540 but I definitely know at 40,
00:04:41.430 and that is meditation makeseverything else in life easier.
00:04:45.840 Which leads me to thesponsor of this video,
00:04:47.970 Headspace, the meditation app.
00:04:50.070 Meditation is one of themost scientifically validated
00:04:52.350 mental practices you can do.
00:04:54.480 It's been shown to reducestress, improve sleep,
00:04:56.820 increase memory and focus
00:04:58.170 and improve general feelings of wellbeing.
00:05:00.360 And best of all, you cando it literally anywhere.
00:05:02.700 You can do it at home, on a bus, at work,
00:05:05.700 even while you're taking a shit.
00:05:07.440 Headspace is great becauseit has thousands of hours
00:05:09.990 of guided meditations
00:05:11.100 to help you develop apractice for yourself.
00:05:13.470 I've been meditating since I was 18
00:05:15.030 and it's been one of themost useful practices
00:05:16.800 that I've found to helpme improve my life.
00:05:19.290 And fun fact, I was a customerof Headspace back in 2015,
00:05:22.980 so I guess you could say Iknew 'em before they were cool.
00:05:26.850 Check out the link in the description
00:05:28.050 to get the first 60 days for free.
00:05:29.820 That's a lot of days, by the way,
00:05:31.530 like if you meditated 10minutes a day for 60 days,
00:05:34.590 that's 10 hours of freeguided meditations.
00:05:37.230 That's a lot of fucking meditation.
00:05:38.940 So check it out, back to the life lessons.
00:05:41.430 Number 18, trust people,most of them are good,
00:05:44.280 and while you might get hurtor embarrassed sometimes,
00:05:46.800 the alternative is just way worse.
00:05:49.170 Number 19, there's no such thingas a life without problems.
00:05:52.650 Warren Buffett has money problems,
00:05:54.270 a homeless guy has money problems.
00:05:55.980 Buffett's money problemsare more desirable
00:05:58.200 than the homeless guy's.
00:05:59.280 Problems don't just disappear,
00:06:00.960 they get exchanged andupgraded for better problems
00:06:03.900 as you grow and evolve.
00:06:05.220 The solution to today's problem
00:06:06.720 will be the seed of tomorrow's.
00:06:08.520 Number 20, growth is rarely accompanied
00:06:11.130 by joy and celebration.
00:06:12.690 On the contrary, growth isusually painful to some degree.
00:06:15.780 That's because growth requires loss,
00:06:17.760 a loss of your old values,your old behaviors,
00:06:20.400 your old loves, your old identity.
00:06:22.380 Change always has acomponent of grief to it,
00:06:24.840 so be sure to let yourself grieve.
00:06:26.730 Number 21, statistically speaking,
00:06:28.890 a normal person is physically unhealthy,
00:06:31.770 emotionally anxious and depressed,
00:06:33.450 socially lonely and financially in debt.
00:06:35.910 Fuck being normal.
00:06:37.650 Number 22, if you can't say no,
00:06:39.600 then your yeses mean nothing.
00:06:41.310 We are defined by what we give up,
00:06:42.990 what we sacrifice and what we reject.
00:06:45.210 If you sacrifice nothingand reject nothing,
00:06:46.980 then you have no identity.
00:06:48.480 You are merely a reflection
00:06:49.740 of the preferences and demandsof the people around you.
00:06:52.410 In other words, if youdon't decide who you are,
00:06:54.990 other people will decide for you.
00:06:56.640 Number 23, be carefulhow you define yourself.
00:06:59.580 Your identity is aself-constructed mental prison,
00:07:02.430 confining you to a life of desperately
00:07:04.620 seeking and finding things to validate
00:07:06.420 whatever you've chosen to become.
00:07:08.430 Define yourself as looselyand ambiguously as possible.
00:07:11.940 You'll feel less defensivetowards the world
00:07:13.890 and be willing to changewhen it's necessary.
00:07:16.530 Number 24, don't makeassumptions about people,
00:07:19.170 you have no fucking ideawhat they've been through.
00:07:22.020 Don't make assumptionsabout yourself either.
00:07:24.090 The last person we'reobjective about is ourselves.
00:07:26.640 Number 25,
00:07:27.810 no one thinks about you as muchas you think about yourself.
00:07:30.840 Whatever you are insecure about,
00:07:32.430 chances are 99% of people around you
00:07:34.770 haven't even noticed it.
00:07:36.480 This is because everybody else
00:07:37.830 is too busy thinking about themselves.
00:07:39.960 This may strike you asa little bit depressing,
00:07:42.090 but it's actually liberating.
00:07:44.160 It means that you are judgedfar less than you think.
00:07:47.190 Number 26, confidence does not come
00:07:49.170 from an expectation of success,
00:07:50.880 it comes from a comfort with failure.
00:07:53.070 There's a word for someone
00:07:54.060 who feels a need to succeed at everything,
00:07:56.190 a fucking narcissist.
00:07:57.330 Number 27, develop awillingness to be disliked.
00:08:00.750 It will grant you the freedomto do what needs to be done,
00:08:03.390 even if it's unpopular.
00:08:05.100 Number 28, you cannot bea life-changing presence
00:08:07.860 to some people
00:08:08.693 without also being a completefucking joke to others.
00:08:11.910 Part of the price ofhaving impact is some hate,
00:08:14.790 and usually that hate isproportional to the impact.
00:08:17.430 Number 29, floss andwear sunscreen every day.
00:08:21.570 Look, I know I soundlike your mom right now,
00:08:23.550 but trust me, in 20 years,you're gonna be thanking me.
00:08:26.490 Number 30, extraordinary results
00:08:28.500 come from repeating ordinary actions
00:08:30.570 over an unordinary amount of time.
00:08:32.640 Any overnight successis secretly the result
00:08:35.280 of quietly working in obscurityfor years, if not decades.
00:08:39.240 Number 31, choosing apartner is not about romance.
00:08:42.480 You're also choosing aconfidant, a counselor,
00:08:44.880 career advisor, therapist,investor, teacher, travel buddy,
00:08:47.790 roommate, best friend, business partner,
00:08:49.530 and no, I'm not saying youshouldn't make your partner
00:08:51.960 be all these things,
00:08:53.070 I'm saying whether you want to or not,
00:08:55.470 your partner is gonnabecome all of these things.
00:08:57.960 That's what a relationshipis, so choose fucking wisely.
00:09:01.380 Number 32, don'toverestimate romantic love.
00:09:04.830 Love doesn't fix relationship problems,
00:09:07.230 it doesn't make trust issues go away,
00:09:09.360 the truth is, love canharm as much as it heals.
00:09:12.240 It's an amplifier.
00:09:13.440 It makes a good relationship better
00:09:15.270 and a bad relationship much worse.
00:09:17.730 Don't get me wrong, love is great,
00:09:19.380 I mean, love is beautifulwhen it works right.
00:09:21.840 But for a healthy relationship, by itself,
00:09:24.240 love is not enough.
00:09:25.560 Number 33, trust is thecurrency of all relationships.
00:09:28.710 Every good relationshipis built off the back...
00:09:32.130 Yeah, I have something in my teeth.
00:09:33.634 Floss.
00:09:34.800 Every good relationshipis built off the back
00:09:36.630 of years of trust.
00:09:37.620 Every failed relationshipfails because of broken trust.
00:09:40.560 Therefore, honesty and integrity
00:09:42.150 are the backbones of a lifeof healthy relationships,
00:09:44.760 and therefore, happiness.
00:09:46.230 Dishonesty and a lack of integrity
00:09:47.903 might be a shortcut tosome short-term gains,
00:09:50.940 but you're completely fuckingyourself in the long run,
00:09:53.670 so fucking stop it.
00:09:54.990 Number 34. Speaking of which,
00:09:56.490 if all of your relationshipshave the same problem,
00:09:58.860 then newsflash, you'rethe fucking problem.
00:10:01.650 Number 35, there's no suchthing as a bad emotion,
00:10:04.500 only a bad response to an emotion.
00:10:06.300 Every emotion can be usedconstructively or destructively.
00:10:09.330 One of the most usefulthings you can ever learn
00:10:11.160 in your life is to figure out
00:10:12.480 how to channel your negativeemotions constructively.
00:10:14.850 Number 36, my whole life,
00:10:16.530 I always promised myselfI would never be that guy
00:10:19.140 who went to bed at 9:00 PM on a Friday,
00:10:21.000 and I would never be that guy
00:10:22.350 who got up at 5:00 AMto hit the fucking gym
00:10:24.887 and get after it.
00:10:26.460 But kids, I hate to tell you,mornings are the real shit.
00:10:30.840 Number 37, you don't haveto prove anything to anyone,
00:10:33.240 including yourself.
00:10:35.280 Let me say that again forthe people in the back,
00:10:37.500 you don't have to proveanything to anyone,
00:10:40.230 including yourself.
00:10:41.580 Number 38, life advice islike clothing, try it on,
00:10:45.060 and if it doesn't fit, discardit, try something else.
00:10:47.790 And like clothing, badadvice will be useless
00:10:50.280 within a few weeks,
00:10:51.330 but good advice thatwill last you a lifetime.
00:10:54.210 Number 39, nothingmeaningful in life is easy,
00:10:56.940 and nothing easy in life is meaningful.
00:10:59.610 We think we'd like to haveeverything handed to us
00:11:01.770 on a silver platter,
00:11:02.670 but the truth is that we don'tappreciate or enjoy things
00:11:05.424 that we don't struggle for.
00:11:07.380 So stop avoiding thedifficult things in your life
00:11:09.930 and instead find thedifficult things you enjoy.
00:11:13.230 And finally, number 40, it'snever too late to change.
00:11:16.860 A friend of mine once told mea story about his grandmother.
00:11:19.950 He said that when herhusband died, she was 62,
00:11:22.500 and for the first time in her life,
00:11:24.180 she began to take piano lessons.
00:11:26.100 For weeks, she practicedall day, every day.
00:11:28.920 At first, the familythought it was just a phase,
00:11:31.140 a way for her to process her grief,
00:11:33.270 but months went by and shecontinued to play every day.
00:11:36.300 People started to wonder if she was crazy
00:11:38.340 or something was wrong with her.
00:11:40.320 They told her to give it up, face reality.
00:11:43.050 I mean, she was old.
00:11:44.820 By the time she was in her '90s,
00:11:46.440 she had been playing pianoevery day for over 30 years,
00:11:49.980 longer than most professionalmusicians have been alive.
00:11:53.130 She had mastered all of the classics,
00:11:55.020 Mozart, Beethoven, Bach, Vivaldi.
00:11:58.260 Everyone who heard her play
00:11:59.460 swore that she must havebeen a concert pianist
00:12:01.680 in her youth.
00:12:02.880 No one believed her when she said
00:12:04.470 that she took her first lesson in her 60s.
00:12:07.830 I love this story because it shows
00:12:09.270 that even at an impracticalold age in life,
00:12:12.240 you still have more timeleft to learn something
00:12:14.130 than most professionals at thatthing have even been alive.
00:12:17.670 I didn't start writing until I was 27.
00:12:19.950 I didn't start this YouTubechannel until I was 36.
00:12:23.070 At every phase of my life,
00:12:24.180 I've started five to 10years later than most people.
00:12:27.150 Yet, it didn't matter.
00:12:29.160 It's never too late.
00:12:30.540 I get emails all the timefrom people asking me,
00:12:32.797 "Hey, I'm 20 or 40 or 60or 80, is it too late?
00:12:37.260 Can I change? Is there time?"
00:12:39.600 The answer is it's never toolate, there's always time.
00:12:43.770 The only question is howlong we're gonna sit here
00:12:45.844 and make excuses and pretend there's not.
00:12:50.460 All right guys, that was fun,I'll see you when I'm 50.
00:12:52.857 (upbeat music)