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gf thinking of breaking up with me because i’m vegan 

just a long vent post because it's hard to find people irl who get it

i'm vegan, internally the militant kind who thinks everyone who isn't vegan is an animal abuser, but externally tries not to let that show or else i'd have no friends or romantic partners.  also because I was once non-vegan so I have to practice empathy.

for the first time, i'm dating someone who eats animals.  and is a big 'foodie' too.  it's been hell in my head.

i've tried not to let it get to me because it's been so great with her and she was extremely respectful anytime I brought it up, saying things like she knows it's the right thing to do, but she doesn't know if she can get there, though she really has tried and will try thinking about it.  always going to vegan restaurants with me, calling me her vegan gf affectionately, etc.  I thought the fact that she did see it as the morally better way to live was promising, and in time, even if it takes many years as it did for me, she could reach the same conclusions I reached.

but a week ago we got tipsy at a restaurant and it hit me that i'm watching her eat big chunks of animal flesh, and my demeanor changed.  I hit her with "would you be eating that if it were a dog?" I of course regret this approach.  the result wasn't great.  an argument ensued but ultimately ended with "the only reason I get so emotional about this is I want a life with you, i want to figure out how to get there". 

that night I went down a rabbithole of vegans dating nonvegans and how they justify it or make it work.  I concluded I would be ok with dating a meat eater as long as there's no meat in my house because ultimately I am helping decrease the amount of animals consumed by dating her.  because she's gonna opt for the vegan option more when with me.  I apologized for my approach the next morning and told her this.  I said I will not bring up her eating meat again unless she asks.  thought it was all okay. all went back to normal for a week, until yesterday.

she got really distant for a couple days, very very unlike her, and I eventually got her to open up.  her take is:

every other time this subject came up (2 or 3 times) she only saw it from my perspective.  meaning, she's felt guilty at the fact that she's a meat eater and she's putting me through dating her.  that wasn't my intention since it's not about me it's about the animals, but anyway.  since the argument, for the first time, she's been seeing it the other way.  saying how it blows that she's not gonna be able to share the thing she loves most, trying new restaurants and foods, taking me to her family's in france (they're butchers), weekly tradition of eating oysters with her friend, etc.  she feels guilty anytime we eat out together and she's eating meat.  and now she doesn't know if she can make it work long term.  this, plus a couple other small differences between us, has made it so she doesn't know if she wants to be with me or not.

i'm not gonna lie, i'm fucking devastated. I thought we were deeply in love and to me that means doing what we can to make it work despite issues/differences. at least my dilemma was a moral one which I tried to approach from every angle to find a solution that would work for both of us.  I know i'm not in the wrong to feel so passionately about this, but none of my friends are vegan so I sound crazy when I relay this story.

i'm totally crushed.  I don't know how people who date non-vegans make it work.  I really wanted to.