I am writing a project proposal for seed funding for an engineering project. The project proposal should include the part Project Summary, Introduction, Goal and Objectives, Current Situation, Product Overview, Technical Description, Impact, Project Team, Schedule, Budget, Conclusion and References. This proposal should be written for non-expert target funders. Specifically, I am writing the Introduction part. My project is named “Waveguard”, and my project outline is :
“
OBJECTIVES
Users will be able to
- monitor the motions and different vital signs of them/ their elderly family who live alone remotely through the real-time millimeter wave (mmWave) based system and artificial intelligence (AI) algorithms
- gain timely medical support by notifying the medical personnel/their family through the wireless communication speaker system
PROBLEMS/NEEDS/OPPORTUNITIES
- Aging Population: Demographics shift towards more elderly individuals, over 1 million of the population are aged 65 or above in Hong Kong.
- Safety Concerns: The Unintentional Injury Survey 2018 conducted by the Department of Health (DH) showed that fall was the most common type of unintentional injury, accounting for 39.4% of all injury episodes that occurred over a 12-month period. Falls and accidents pose serious risks to the solitary elderly as they may not be discovered very soon, necessitating early detection and intervention.
- Healthcare Challenges: About 70% of the elderly in Hong Kong are suffering from chronic diseases, most commonly diabetes and hypertension. Timely health condition monitoring and treatment are needed, especially for the solitary elderly.
EXISTING SOLUTIONS
- Vision-based detection systems, e.g. video cameras, depth cameras, and thermal cameras: Have privacy issues and low detection accuracy in low light, clothing cover environments.
- Non-vision-based sensors, e.g. acoustic-based systems, vibration-based systems, infrared-based systems and radar-based systems: Limited by the effect caused by environmental noise.
- Wearable devices, e.g., smartwatches and IMU devices: Inconvenient and unacceptable because the elderly may forget to wear the device.
KEY FEATURES AND FUNCTIONS
- A mmWave-based monitoring system that can detect and recognize different motions of the elderly, e.g. standing, walking, sitting on a chair, sleeping on a bed, opening a door, opening a cupboard, picking up the pole stand, drinking water from a bottle, fall, etc and different vital signs, e.g. respiration and heart rate, by leveraging mmWave sensing and machine learning technology.
-In the proposed system, the mmWave FMCW radar transmits the frequency-modulated continuous wave through transmitting antennas in order to impinge on the target, which here is a human. The scattering EM wave is received by receiving antennas and then is transformed into point clouds and doppler velocity. The point clouds and doppler velocity are selected and grouped as an input dataset of the intelligent system using the LSTM network for fall detection. Before feeding the input data, including point clouds and doppler velocity, into the LSTM network, data preprocessing, including data filtering, data averaging, and sliding window processing, was performed. In the data preprocessing, the point clouds at zero doppler velocity, often called spurious data, are filtered out. The filtered point clouds scattered from many targets and received by many receiving antennas are averaged to attain point clouds in a direction in one dimension. The filtered and averaged point clouds in the zaxis direction, and doppler velocity, are fed into the LSTM network, which is employed to intelligently detect the fall of an elderly person. The data preprocessing and detection were done using a processor. The processor of the radar will send a notification to the computer server through communication networks such as 4G, 5G or Internet networks if a fall is detected. The server receives the notification and then does a few processing steps such as counting the number of detected falls, storing data in data lockers, and matching the elderly individual that is monitored by the radar to one or more elderly caregivers. The server will send a push notification to the caregiver’s mobile application in order to warn a caregiver about all. A notification will be resent only when the caregiver takes care of the fall and pushes the button ‘‘took care’’ on the mobile application and then a new fall is detected.
- Combined with a wireless communication-based system and speaker that directly contacts and communicates with the medical personnel and the elderly’s family when detecting accident or emergency situations.
- Using IWRL6432 as mmwave sensor:The IWRL6432 is a mmWave radar sensor developed by Texas Instruments that focuses on high-performance while consuming low power. This radar sensor opens up new possibilities for industrial applications, as it can be used in low-power and battery-powered devices.
- A program (software application) for the hospital and elderly’s family to monitor the elderly’s health situation consistently in real time.
”


A good Introduction should:
-Define the problem
-Cite evidence/indicate prevalence of the problem
-State the group affected
-Say why the issue deserves attention
-State the vision/purpose
Introduction (persuasive strategies):
-Ethos (credibility: experience, qualifications), Pathos (emotion, shared values), logos (logics and
evidence)
-Adj, verb, personal pronouns, rule of three, authoritative statements

My Introduction part :
"
Introduction
The ageing demographic in Hong Kong poses unique challenges as the number of individuals over 65 has surpassed 1.45 million in 2021 [1]. This shift raises safety concerns, particularly the risk of falls, which, as reported by the Department of Health’s Unintentional Injury Survey 2018, represent a significant 39.4% of unintentional injuries among the elderly [2]. Often living alone, these individuals are vulnerable to accidents that can remain unnoticed for extended periods, emphasizing the need for prompt detection. Furthermore, roughly 70% of this elderly cohort battles chronic diseases like diabetes and hypertension [3], necessitating constant health monitoring.

Waveguard will detect motions and vital signs such as respiration and heart rate without compromising privacy or accuracy. Coupled with a communication system to alert medical personnel or family members in emergencies, Waveguard seeks to reduce the time it takes for solitary elderly individuals to receive medical attention after an incident, therefore mitigating the severity of injuries from falls and expediting the response to critical health events.
"

In my introduction part, everything is good, but there is no explanation as to why the issue deserves attention. Add one to two sentences to that. You can add your own knowledge; if there is extra information needed, please let me know.