Create a list of magic items for a diaper-centric D&D homebrew taking place in a setting where the usage of absurdly oversized diapers and other various infantile items (bonnets, rattlers, pacifiers, baby bottles, mittens and booties, etc.) are a necessity and a norm, not a fetish or a taboo, and are as universal as underwear is in our world. They simultaneously function as both cushy hip armor and apparel and are not only ubiquitously worn by everyone, adventurer and traveller, toddler, youngster, teenager and adult alike, but considered mandatory, and the act of frequently and excessively pooping into one's diaper, referred to as 'Loading', is seen as an everyday and often subconscious act; the bigger the diaper, the greater its capacity and the more it can be Loaded until full, and the fuller it gets, the bigger, heavier and more cumbersome it is on its wearer! And diapers aren't just for wearing as armor, either; many of them are so thick they can be repurposed as blankets, pillows, even poofy mattresses! And not just diapers; other protective wear has been replaced with their similar infantile counterparts. Why wear tough greaves when you can wear soft booties? Why wear leather gloves when you can wear silky mittens? Loading is determined through a sudden Constitution saving throw, the frequency and DC determined by the character's incontinence and eating habits; if they fail, they poop. A character can choose to intentionally fail this saving throw if they wish, and particularly incontinent Loaders fail automatically. The act of having accidents in diapers is natural, universal, and even endearing to some, and can occur at any time, even in one's sleep, particularly if someone is experiencing strong emotions, ranging from elation to fear. Each diaper has its own capacity and one being worn that has met it imposes the effects of encumbered on its wearer and needs to be changed out of, an act that requires an action from another ally, a fresh diaper on hand and a suitable changing spot where the task can be performed. Alternately, if one is in a rush or there is no such changing spot nearby, a second diaper can be layered over a full one; layering provides a temporary additional 50 lbs. of Loading capacity but doesn't remove the negative effects.
Example 1: **Heavy-Duty Pamp of Poofing**
Armor (diaper), rare (requires attunement)
*8 lbs., 2600 gp, 2 tonnes capacity*
While wearing this diaper, you can use your reaction to make a melee weapon attack made against you hit the diaper instead, softening the blow and reducing the damage to you by 1d8 (minimum of 1). As an action, you can speak the diaper's command word and cause it to create a cloud of powder around you. The cloud of powder covers a 20-foot cube, which becomes heavily obscured. The cloud lasts for 1 minute or until a strong wind disperses it. Once used, this property can't be used until the next dawn.
The huge quadruple tapes used to secure this mattress-thick pamper around someone's hips are the size of paper sheets, and the enormous safety pin keeping it together could double as an improvised shortsword.
Example 2: **Huggies of Hotness**
Armor (diaper), uncommon (requires attunement)
*1.2 lbs., 1550 gp, 400 lbs. capacity*
You and your companions within 10 feet of you gain resistance to cold damage while you wear this diaper. In addition, you and everything you wear and carry are unharmed by temperatures as low as −50 degrees Fahrenheit. While wearing it, you can use it to cast the *faerie fire* spell as an action. Once used, this property of the diaper can't be used again until the next dawn.
This pamp, branded in decals of blue and purple flames, glows softly when worn in shifting colors.
Example 3: **Rattler of Cacophonies**
Warhammer, rare
This giant rattler jangles softly when wield. The rattler can be wielded as a magic warhammer that grants a +1 bonus to attack and damage rolls made with it. The rattler has 1d4 + 1 charges, and regains 1d4 charges daily at dawn. On a successful hit, you can expend 1 charge to make the rattler emit a cacophonous noise. The target takes an additional 2d6 thunder damage and must succeed at a DC 15 Constitution saving throw or become deafened for 1 minute.