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Assistant: Title: Ashes and Wine
        Author: Placebogirl7 Placebogirl7 
        Chapter: 1/1 
        Summary: She took a few steps down the corridor until she saw them, white and delicate, in front of her door: a splendid bouquet of lilies.She let out a loud sigh and walked towards the door, her eyes fixed on those white flowers. When her feet were inches from the bouquet, she bent down to get a better look at them, fascinated by that pure white.Mindful of Shuichi's words, she quickly pulled out the phone and opened the camera, moving it closer to the lilies.It was then that she noticed that small detail: a dark spot, colored in gray with different streaks, which clashed on that petal so white. It was as if a painter had painted a perfect picture and then dropped that one spiteful spot of color in a place where it shouldn't have been.She approached her hand slowly and with the index finger almost brushed that small cylinder with irregular contours, which crumbled and expanded.Ash. Ash fallen from a cigarette.Her eyes widened as the images flowed through her mind like a raging river. Now everything had taken shape, everything made sense. She had found the piece of the puzzle she needed to complete it.
        Contents: Summary:
            
              She took a few steps down the corridor until she saw them, white and delicate, in front of her door: a splendid bouquet of lilies.She let out a loud sigh and walked towards the door, her eyes fixed on those white flowers. When her feet were inches from the bouquet, she bent down to get a better look at them, fascinated by that pure white.Mindful of Shuichi's words, she quickly pulled out the phone and opened the camera, moving it closer to the lilies.It was then that she noticed that small detail: a dark spot, colored in gray with different streaks, which clashed on that petal so white. It was as if a painter had painted a perfect picture and then dropped that one spiteful spot of color in a place where it shouldn't have been.She approached her hand slowly and with the index finger almost brushed that small cylinder with irregular contours, which crumbled and expanded.Ash. Ash fallen from a cigarette.Her eyes widened as the images flowed through her mind like a raging river. Now everything had taken shape, everything made sense. She had found the piece of the puzzle she needed to complete it.
            
        

        
  Notes:

    
      For daftnethequeen.



    


    
        (See the end of the work for notes.)
    



  





    
        
          
  
    ASHES AND WINE
  
She arrived at a brisk pace, spreading the sound of her heels in the air, and walked directly to his desk.When he heard her approaching he looked up from the document he was reading and ran his eyes over her figure: she held the cell phone in her right hand and in her eyes of the same color as the sky he could read what seemed to be concern.  What could possibly have happened that made her restless already at eight o’ clock in the morning?- Is everything ok?- he asked her.- I need your help Shu- she went straight to the point, staring at him seriously.He spun the swivel chair just long enough to turn towards her and crossed his arms over his chest, assuming the typical position of someone who makes himself available to listen. In response, Jodie put her cell phone an inch from his nose, showing him the picture on the screen: a bunch of hyacinths. From their neat appearance and precise composition it was easy to understand that they had been bought from a florist and not collected by pure chance somewhere.- They are hyacinths - he said simply, not understanding how that bouquet of flowers could have upset her to the point of asking for his help- I found them in front of my house’s door last night, when I came back from work - she explained.- So what? - he tried to understand better.- Who could possibly have left me flowers?- she spread her arms.- Maybe you have a secret admirer-- Don't joke Shu, it's serious! - she scolded him- It could also be a stalker! How many stories do you hear of women who receive bouquets of flowers at home and in the end they discover that they are being persecuted by someone who monitors every move they made. Or it could even be someone who is angry with the FBI, or with me in particular because I'm an FBI agent-- I don't think so - he closed his eyes, sure of his statement.- And why? - she asked puzzled.- Because in the language of flowers the meaning of hyacinths is "Please forgive me" -Jodie stared at him almost dazed, as if that revelation were for her the most incredible discovery in the world. Probably, despite being a woman, she had never been interested in flowers to the point of being able to grasp the hidden meaning.- Why would someone send me flowers to ask me to be forgiven? - she asked puzzled.- Maybe he made a mistake with you and now he would like to fix it-- And can't he just come and tell it to my face instead of doing these sick things?! - she pulled back the phone shaking her head in disapproval.- So? What should I do to help you? -- Well, try to find out who is leaving me flowers at the door-- I'll see what I can do - he concluded, turning back to his document.- You're not taking me seriously, are you? - she put her hands on her hips, angrily.- It's just flowers Jodie. Now get to work- ……………………. The next day, history repeated itself. He heard the sound of her heels even louder and faster than the previous day, a sign that her nervousness had increased. He realized that she hadn’t liked the way he had dismissed the conversation, as if he didn't care about what she thought was a problem. But the truth was another.She arrived in front of his desk and this time she literally slammed her mobile phone on it, pointing at it with her index finger and looking at it with the expression of who is going to say "So? Did you see that I was right? ". - Do you call this just a harmless gesture made by someone who wants to be forgiven? - she asked, but her question was more rhetorical than a real search for an answer to her doubts.- They are violets - he said simply, staring at the image that portrayed a small vase with equally small but intense colored flowers.- I don’t need a botany lesson Shu, I need to understand who is doing this! - He raised his voice, looking at him angrily - I can see by myself that they are violets! -- “Make amends to your mistakes”, this is the meaning. They are always excuses, like the previous ones- he replied, keeping a calm, almost detached tone.- But you want to help me yes or no?! - she frowned at him.- I already told you, I just think they are harmless gifts from someone who is seriously sorry for something he did to you. Try to think if there is someone you know who may have hurt you in some way or who has behaved badly towards you-- I think I have it in front of my eyes-After that sarcastic remark, which burned like poison under the skin, she turned her heels and walked away, leaving him there with his eyes closed like a dog abandoned on the tracks of a deserted station forgotten by all. ………………… For the next two days, he never heard her say a word about the matter again. Actually, he no longer heard her say a word about anything that was not strictly related to work: she just arrived in the morning, greeted him with a "hello" not too warm and sit at her desk. His refusal to help her must have hurt her a lot, as was to be expected. Perhaps he had underestimated her level of courage: Jodie was really scared of that situation. So he decided to take the first step, certain that her initial reaction would not be the best.- Have you received other flowers? - he suddenly came out of nowhere, while both of them were quietly concentrating on their work.- I thought you didn't care - she answered coldly, trying to quickly put an end to the conversation.- I never said I didn't care-- No, you just made it clear that for you it was nothing too relevant-- Did something more serious happen?- he stared at her, trying to make her understand that he was really interested in her matter.- No, I just keep finding flowers in front of the door every evening when I get back from work. No card, no clues about who it could be the person who brings them. Only flowers-- And what flowers have you found in the last few days? -He saw her sighing and then taking out the phone without too much enthusiasm, still not completely convinced of his real interest in that story. She looked for the photos in the gallery and showed them to him: a vase of marigolds, similar to the previous one of violets, and a bouquet of blue hydrangeas.- Marigolds symbolize sorrow and repentance. Giving marigolds means making it clear that you are truly sorry and repentant for what you’ve done and that you are ready to start again without making the same mistakes. The blue hydrangeas, on the other hand, symbolize apologies, at least in Hanakotoba. There is a legend that a Japanese emperor gave blue hydrangeas to the family of the woman he loved, to make up for neglecting her to dedicate himself to his business- he paused, then smiled a little - Whoever this person is, he has a vast knowledge of both Western and Eastern flower language, no doubt about it-- You seem very well informed too- she pointed out, withdrawing the phone - But I can’t think of anyone who should be forgiven by me. I don't remember arguing with anyone, at least not recently-- It could also be related to something happened long ago-- Ok, but why coming out just now with this little flower theater?- Everyone has their own times, Jodie- he merely said, as if it were an absolute and indisputable truth.A few minutes of silence followed, in which neither of them said anything. Jodie kept staring at the images on her cell phone, probably looking for that explanation that didn't seem to come.Sometimes the most difficult answers are just the ones we have before our eyes, but for some reason we can't see them.- If you notice other details or if you feel you’re in danger for some reason, please keep me informed ok? - ………………….. She got out of the elevator and took a deep breath with her eyes closed. By now, finding flowers had become a regular appointment to which she, however, couldn’t get used to. She wondered what she would have found that night. Perhaps she should have begun to study the language of flowers too. She took a few steps down the corridor until she saw them, white and delicate, in front of her door: a splendid bouquet of lilies.She let out a loud sigh and walked towards the door, her eyes fixed on those white flowers. When her feet were inches from the bouquet, she bent down to get a better look at them, fascinated by that pure white.Mindful of Shuichi's words, she quickly pulled out the phone and opened the camera, moving it closer to the lilies.It was then that she noticed that small detail: a dark spot, colored in gray with different streaks, which clashed on that petal so white. It was as if a painter had painted a perfect picture and then dropped that one spiteful spot of color in a place where it shouldn't have been.She approached her hand slowly and with the index finger almost brushed that small cylinder with irregular contours, which crumbled and expanded.Ash. Ash fallen from a cigarette.Her eyes widened as the images flowed through her mind like a raging river. Now everything had taken shape, everything made sense. She had found the piece of the puzzle she needed to complete it.She took a photo of the bouquet of flowers in its entirety and then a second photo only of the flower on whose petal there was the ash, making sure that the image was as sharp as possible. She angrily blew the ash away, gathered the lilies and carried them to her apartment. Then she went out again and headed for the elevator. After ten minutes of driving, she stopped the car in front of the apartment building where Shuichi lived. She quickly walked towards the entrance and rang the intercom with his name on it. After a few seconds she heard his voice. - Who is it?-- It's me - she said simply, sure he would have recognized her. ……….. A few minutes after opening the front door, he heard the bell ringing: Jodie must have arrived.He went to open the door, but instead of inviting her in he remained there, leaning with one forearm on the jamb.- Given the time I deduce there are developments on the mysterious flower bearer - he smiled mockingly - What has he brought you this time? -- If you let me in, I'll explain everything - she said seriously, staring intensely at him.He seemed to notice a strange glint in her eyes, something different from what he had seen in the previous days: something similar to deep determination, mixed with something else that he couldn’t decipher.- Sure, come in- he moved away from the door to allow her to pass.- Thanks-He closed the door behind him and invited her to sit on the sofa in the living room.- I was preparing dinner, unfortunately it’s not ready yet but if you want to drink something while waiting, just tell me-- It’s strange that you are still preparing dinner, you left work at least half an hour before me today- she narrowed her eyes.- I had to take care of other matters before, that's all - he got defensive, but without letting her notice too much.Yes, there was definitely something odd about Jodie's attitude. He had the impression that she was trying to put him against the wall. Maybe she had finally found the answer she was looking for?- However, I gladly take a glass of wine if you have it - she sat comfortably on the sofa, crossing her legs.- Sherry? -- My favorite- she smiled.He went to the kitchen and returned a few minutes later with a goblet containing what she requested. He set it down on the coffee table in front of the sofa and sat down beside her, extending one arm over the top of the backrest.- So, what happened? - he asked her.- This evening I found these- she immediately showed him the photo on the phone.- Oh, white lilies. Recognizing your mistakes and starting over, that's the meaning-- Always very informed- she smiled at him, but it seemed more like a typical grin of someone who was pretending.He didn't answer, he just smiled and lit a cigarette.-Does it bother you if I smoke?- he asked.- No problem-- Anyway to come up here I thought there was something more relevant than the usual bunch of flowers - he dropped the excess ash of the cigarette on the metal ashtray placed on the table along with the glass of Sherry that Jodie sipped from time to time.- Indeed there is. Look at this - she showed him another photo.- It’s one of the lilies photographed closely. I see nothing strange about it-- You really don't notice anything? Take a good look Shuichi-He saw her enlarging the image on a flower petal and widened his eyes a little when he realized the reason for that gesture. That petal had something that the others did not have: overwhelming evidence.- So, did you notice it? - Jodie asked again, tilting her head slightly to the side - Ash-- Yes, I see it - he simply replied - And with that? The only thing we can deduce is that our "flower man" is a smoker - he concluded, inhaling a mouthful of smoke from his cigarette.- Just as you- she stared at him again with that defiant expression.- I'm certainly not the only one in the world to have the habit of smoking - he justified himself.- True, but you are one of the few I know-- What’s your point Jodie? - he asked directly, putting out his cigarette and leaving the stub inside the ashtray.- Stop pretending Shu, by now I know that you are the man behind these mysterious flower deliveries! - She raised her voice, releasing the anger that until now she had tried to repress to make the comedy she had decided to play more convincing- Why did you do it ?! -- What makes you think it was me? -- Let's see ... cigarette ash is not enough? So let's add the fact that you knew perfectly well the meaning of every single flower, that you didn't seem worried in the least even though you saw that the situation was troubling me and that strangely in the last week you left the office at least half an hour before me every single day. I should have known before, you are someone who can work until ten in the evening if they let you do it! And then the fact that you brought flowers with both a Western meaning and an Eastern meaning: being of mixed blood, you know both cultures well. Heck, I should have notice this before!- she shook her head.He remained silent for a few seconds, with his eyes closed. He could no longer pretend now, his plan had been exposed. He was close to complete it, only one last gesture and then he would have succeeded in his intent, but Jodie had discovered it before he could complete the work. He had underestimated her, or maybe it was fate that had played a bad trick on him. Perhaps if Jodie hadn't noticed that trace of cigarette ash, she would never have come to the conclusion that he was the mysterious flower man despite having left her many clues.He opened his eyes and looked at her seriously.- Can't you get there by yourself? Think back to the meaning of all the flowers-- If you wanted to apologize for something, couldn't you just tell it to my face?! Do you realize how all this has scared me?! I really believed there was some bad guy who was keeping me under control! And what are you apologizing for? Give me an explanation Shu because I really can't understand right now! - she spoke quickly, throwing up the words one after the other without almost taking a breath.She was really mad and when Jodie got mad like that it was hard to get her through right away. He had to play it all and for all.- Wait a moment here- he said, getting up from the sofa and going to the kitchen.He returned a few minutes later with a bouquet of pink roses in his hand. Eighteen beautiful pink roses to be exact.He sat down next to her again and delicately handed her the flowers, which she accepted with an incredulous look. He saw her bringing the roses close to her face and inhale their scent, half closing her eyes. It seemed that one part of her liked that gift, but the other part could not find peace, desperately seeking an answer to all this. It was understandable: Jodie was born a woman, curiosity and the need to know were part of her nature.- I should have brought these to you tomorrow, but now my plan has gone up in smoke. They are eighteen, a number that indicates a request for forgiveness. Giving eighteen pink roses is the perfect gesture to apologize for a big mistake made. I thought that a simple apology wasn't enough, so I said to myself that flowers could be the right solution. Usually women like them, but you've always been a bit strange- he smiled.- Apologize for what Shuichi? - she asked again, sighing.She had called him Shuichi. Ever since they had met, since they had gotten together five years ago and until then she had always called him Shu. She had to be really exasperated to get to that formality.- For having left you in the lurch without too many explanations five years ago - finally confessed.- Shu ... - was all she could say, as she stared at him with those blue eyes completely wide open behind the lenses of those big glasses that she loved so much.- I realized I never apologized for the pain I caused you. During the three years I was in the organization, I called you for work, but I never made a single phone call to find out how you were or to apologize-- You didn't have to do it- she interrupted him.She kept her head bowed, her gaze fixed on the roses resting on her legs and the hair that partially covered her face, preventing him from seeing her expression and understanding her feelings.- No, but I should have-- So it was a duty, not something you felt you were doing out of conscience or magnanimity-Her tone had become hard, almost cold. It gave him the impression that his apology hadn’t been appreciated.- You don't have to apologize Shuichi, you had your reasons to do what you did. It’s no one's fault that things have turned out this way between us. We are friends and we are good colleagues. It’s ok- she concluded, but still not looking him in the face.She had called him Shuichi again.What could he do to get out of that deadlock where they had arrived?- The reasons I had, however valid they might be, do not justify the pain I caused you. Sometimes the right thing to do isn't always what makes you happy-- You said that when you infiltrated the Organization you never phoned me to ask how I was - she finally raised her face, looking at him - You didn't do it because you were afraid that I might be deluding myself about a possible rethinking from you or because you didn't think about it at all?-Her eyes were watery, too watery to hold back the tears for much longer. He had awakened an ancient pain in her that time hadn’t been able to erase.- Jodie ... -- Answer- she ordered.- What can I say?-- Only the truth-- And will you accept it, whatever it is? -She lowered her head again, aware that his question had already heralded the answer.- At that moment I was focused on the mission, I didn't have time to think clearly about what I had left behind me before flying to Japan and staying there for the next three years- he admitted.He saw her nodding and raising her head again. This time a tear had streaked her left cheek.- When you say "the mission" you mean Akemi, right? - she asked with a trembling voice. - Also-- So you still have a message from her in your cell phone, you cut your hair that you kept long since I met you, but you haven't thought of me even once in three years ... -- She's dead, Jodie. She died because of me-- When you left me without too many words in that car, my heart fell apart. I tried to put the pieces back in place, but it never looked like it was before. When I saw your reaction after you learned of Akemi's death, what I had put together shattered again. It was there that I realized you really loved her, that it wasn't just a mission for you. I reassembled it once again, but then you faked your death and it broke again. I wonder how many times you can break a heart before you can't put it back together anymore... -She paused from her speech, wiping the tears that were now streaming down her cheeks. Seeing her like this made him feel even worse than he already did. He too was realizing at that moment how much he had made her suffer. He would have liked to give the right answer to Jodie's question, but he had never been able to do the right thing with her.- Every time my heart shattered it was your fault. But you haven't thought about me even once- she finished her speech, but started crying again.- Jodie ... I'm sorry- he said simply, as he placed a hand on hers.- Me too ... I can't accept your apology- she raised her eyes full of tears and tried to smile at him.He tried to find something meaningful to say to her, something that might change her mind, but he couldn't find anything. How could he justify his behavior? What else did he have to offer her if not his apologies?As he thought about all this, Jodie gently moved her hand, still resting on his, placed the roses on the table and rose from the sofa, taking her first steps towards the door.Instinctively, he jumped up and walked over to her, grabbing her wrist to block her.- Wait Jodie- he made her turn towards him, to be able to look at her face - At least take the flowers, they're a gift-- I can't accept them Shu- she replied almost in a whisper, staring at the floor and shaking his head.- Why?-- Because those roses symbolize your apologies and I can't accept even those. If in those years spent away from me you had thought of calling me even once to apologize or simply to hear from me, I would not have hesitated to accept your apology and also those beautiful roses, because I would have known that your apologies were true and sincere- she tried once again to smile through tears - But if you apologize after all these years because when it was time to do it you didn't think about it once…it makes your apology seem like just a way to silence your conscience. They sound false and that's why I can't accept them. I prefer that you don't give them to me and that we continue to carry on as we have done until now. After all, we have maintained a good relationship even without apology, right? I know you're there for me and you know I'm there for you. It’s ok-He let go of her wrist, knowing it was time to let her go.He had lost. He had lost her.For the first time in his life, he cursed himself for being such a cold person. He had sacrificed not only himself to achieve his goal, but also his loved ones whom nothing and no one could give him back. Only then he realized how great it was the price he had to pay to accomplish his mission. Too big. He had silenced his feelings for Jodie in order to be able to play his part with Akemi in the best possible way, he had used the latter to get to the Organization and then he had ditched her too, giving her to his executioners. And now, after all this, did he really think he could have Jodie back?Just because she still loved him madly didn't mean she was willing to leave it all behind. Some pains are not erased, they remain on the skin like indelible tattoos. Sometimes love alone is not enough.Jodie took a few steps towards him and when their faces were a few centimeters from each other, she raised herself slightly on tiptoe and gave him a very light, gentle kiss on the cheek, near the corner of his mouth. For a moment it seemed to him that he had been touched by an angel, an unearthly creature. Maybe even a ghost from the past.They looked at each other intensely one last time, then the woman backed away, gave him a last smile and finally turned and went to the door.- See you tomorrow, Shu- she greeted him, opening the door and closing it immediately behind her.He stood there, motionless, standing like a statue, staring at the door in the hope of seeing her come back. But the door remained closed.He took a deep breath and went back into the living room, where the roses Jodie had left awaited him on the coffee table. The sweet perfume they had left in the room bothered him: it was a perfume suitable for a happy ending, not for the "tragedy" that had just been consumed.His gaze moved to the glass of Sherry still half full and to the ashtray with the remains of the cigarette smoked just before. He wondered if deep down there was still hope for him and Jodie, if she would ever change her mind, if it was worth continuing to fight after that defeat, or if what remained of them were only ashes and wine. 
  
    Is there a chance?A fragment of light at the end of the tunnel?A reason to fight?Is there a chance you may change your mind?Or are we ashes and wine?
  
 
  AUTHOR’S CORNER
Hi! First of all, thanks to all those who have come to read this far, it means that you liked my story and I'm happy! This one shot was written on the occasion of the Red Starling Secret Santa organized by ShuJodie fans on Tumblr and it was born from the prompt “Shuichi apologizes to Jodie” chosen by Daftne the Queen, of whom I was the Secret Santa. I could have written a happy ending where Jodie accepted the apology but it turned out like this, forgive me! Maybe in the future I could consider doing another story related to this one where Shu tries again and Jodie this time accepts!  Just a few words about the content of the story:- all the information on the language of flowers that you read in this story, both Western and Hanakotoba (which is the Japanese language of flowers, different from the Western one) have been found around the web from various researches. I am absolutely not an expert in botany and I do not have a green thumb, so if you find something that is not quite correct, please forgive me ;)- the final verses in bold are the chorus of the song "Ashes and Wine" by A Fine Frenzy, from which the title of this one shot is also taken and which inspired the whole story along with the language of flowers.I really hope you enjoyed it and I wish Merry Christmas to all those who will read!KissesPlace (Martina)'
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