She was standing by the waterfront, the hospital safely in the background as she wrapped her arms around herself against the autumn air. “Elara? You saw Lily last night…”
Max lent his weight to a rigid bench beside where she stood , staring out at the tranquil water , not pressing for details. “Yes, and to be honest , Max, it was absolutely heartbreaking , I completely broke down , I don’t know how you live with seeing her like that. ”

Max held his gaze steady toward the internalising lull of the water’s liquid surface, feeling as in he could fall in and drown as he aligned his back against the wood behind him.

“It’s not about how it cripples you , because it does, but it’s about knowing what you can’t control. I might be powerless , but I’m here regardless. That’s the definition between emancipation and acceptance, I suppose. She isn’t always critical , and theres moments that justify the risk. Don’t you think I understand fear, Elara? That her last breath is as significant as her first laugh, and I don’t know which I’ll be met with. But she’s fighting so damn hard , and her strength? There may come a time when even that isn’t enough to save her. And yeah, I have to live with that too.” His stare not leaving the lake, Elara joined Max on the bench , her eyes following to where his gaze penetrated the distance. “I just -Max I don’t know if , as her mother, I can tolerate the scares , a piece of me dies every time she comes so close. She was literally-and still is -a part of me . It’s not something I can control, nor compartmentalise. It’s like trying to hold together shattered glass, or worse… I lie awake wondering if loving her is enough, or if that love will destroy me, and then what will she have , less than if I returned-”

“Elara , you’re scared that you’ll -“

She inhaled, and her response was audible amongst the quiet atmosphere that dissolved the space between them as she leaned against his arm . “It hasn’t been easy, even in my distancing myself , I feel guilt and shame every single day, but do you think that makes it any easier to walk through those doors-“

“Should it be easy ? She’s fighting to stay alive. And you expect-“ Max shook his head , torn into splinters that roughened his voice as he removed himself, leaving a chilling gap in his wake. “If you leave again, I don’t know how she’ll fare without her mother in her life. But as for us, that door is closing . I can’t stand it Elara, I really can’t-“ . Elara , shrinking into her coat and seeming to guard herself with its layers, dug her nails into her sleeves as she folded her arms, composing herself . “I understand, but I still love you , Max, even if my own fear has driven us apart-It’s unfair , and I don’t want to lose either of you -“ Max , turning his head and meeting Elara with his grave undertone, let the cracks in his voice fill with resolve, his knuckles whitening as his fists clenched. “Elara, fear is not something you can indulge here. What Lily goes through , we can’t afford it-you need to fight for her…“ his voice broke away, and he started at her, awaiting any response , as he ground his knuckles into the wood either side him. “Max , I - I have caused you so much pain and I don’t deserve the door to even remain ajar but please-“ . Max sighed, his voice a faint whisper of resignation, thick with the strain of a bond that still tied them . “Elara, I need some space , you know how to find us if you change your mind about what this entails . But I need some time to figure things out, because we’re losing pieces already“. Max turned and walked along the winding concrete maze of the sidewalk, the cool air seeping through his bones as his measured strides hit the asphalt with decisive resolve.
Elara , tracing the ripples in the water with her downcast expression, wrung her hands as remained alone on the bench, facing a profound moment of solitude.