Apply psychological theory to describe and analyze an intimate relationship experience.
● Reflect critically on their own experiences of intimacy in either a friendship or romantic
relationship.
● Connect personal experience with theoretical perspectives on intimate relationships as well
as previous literature .
● Present findings in a structured, well-written academic report
ASSESSMENT CRITERIA
● You are required to:
A. Work individually.
B. Select a specific intimate relationship (either friendship or romantic/erotic) to analyze.
C. Conduct a self-reflection on this relationship, detailing significant experiences,
emotions, and changes over time.
D. Identify and apply a relevant psychological theory to interpret your experience. The
chosen theory must come from academic literature on intimate relationships (e.g.,

Assessment Handout: Code Module Title 1

attachment theory, Sternberg’s triangular theory of love, social exchange theory).
E. Connect reflection and theory with previous literature
F. Use academic references to support your discussion

DETAILED DESCRIPTION
This is a 2000-word self-reflection report on the following subject:
"Self-Reflection on an Intimate Relationship: Applying Psychological Theory"
For successful completion of this coursework, please follow these steps:
1. Choose an intimate relationship experience: Select a past or present relationship that has
been meaningful to you. This can be a friendship or a romantic/erotic relationship.
2. Conduct a structured self-reflection: Consider key aspects such as how the relationship
started, significant turning points, emotional dynamics, how it evolved over time and its
dissolution (if there was).
3. Apply a psychological theory: Identify a theory that helps explain some aspects of your
experience. Discuss how this theory enhances understanding of your relationship dynamics.
4. Critically analyze the relationship: What insights does the theory provide? Are there any
contradictions or limitations? How does the theoretical perspective help you understand
relationship strengths, weaknesses and development? Connect with previous
findings/literature
5. Structure your report using the following sections:
○ Title of the Report
○ Introduction: Briefly introduce your chosen relationship and the theory you will use.
○ Description of the Relationship: Outline key details about the relationship (initiation,
development, emotions, behaviours).
○ Application of Theory: Explain the chosen psychological theory and how it relates to
your experience.
○ Critical Reflection: Evaluate the relationship in light of the theory, discussing
insights, challenges and changes. Connect with previous findings and literature
○ Conclusion: Summarize key points and what you have learned.
○ References: Include academic sources supporting your discussion.

I am in Critical reflection, how to proceed? I've written this so far: This self-report aims to examine one of my life's most significant romantic relationships through the lens of Attachment theory, originally created by John Bowlby in 1969 (Bretherton, 1992). The relationship that will be discussed started in May 2020, developed during the second COVID-19 lockdown, and eventually dissolved a year later in May 2021. It was characterized by a lot of emotional intensity, early cohabitation, toxic patterns, and eventually emotional neglect. It was in a period of my life before I started my self-discovery journey, and I had a lot of emotional turmoil and deep-rooted insecurities that I was unaware of. This, coupled with my ex-partner’s tendency to addiction and heavy avoidant attachment issues, created a dynamic that also revealed patterns of anxious attachment on my behalf. Supported by relevant psychological literature on adult attachment, this paper aims to analyze key phases of the relationship, reflect on emotional experiences, and explore how attachment dynamics influenced the trajectory and eventual dissolution of the partnership.

DESCRIPTION OF THE RELATIONSHIP
For anonymity purposes, I will refer to my ex-partner as “Jim” (which is not his real name). 

Jim and I met through mutual friends around April of 2020. It was just the beginning of the first COVID-19 lockdown. We quickly became friends, and after a couple of weeks, we started dating. From the very beginning, the relationship was very emotionally intense and euphoric. We spent all summer traveling together, often with mutual friends. He eventually moved from his parents’ house to my apartment after only two months of dating. During this honeymoon period, we were constantly together, to an unhealthy degree. At the time, this level of engagement felt like proof of love and compatibility to me, and I was extremely happy in the relationship. It is worth noting that I was not in therapy yet at this point in my life, hence I had a lot of my own unhealed and uncovered insecurities and traumas. 

However, as the summer ended, the initial euphoria started to get cloudy. It is worth noting that I was not in therapy yet at this point in my life, hence I had a lot of my own unhealed or traumatized parts of myself. I was also living with undiagnosed depression, which manifested as social withdrawal and lack of energy. Because of this, I relied heavily on the relationship to feel good and be functional. When the second lockdown began in the autumn of 2020, we found ourselves confined to my apartment for extended periods. This caused a lot of tension and disengagement. He started to withdraw from me emotionally, getting increasingly preoccupied with cryptocurrency trading or video games (both highly addictive activities), to the point of skipping work, staying up all night, and ignoring my attempts at communication about this. He became more distant as winter came, which resulted in me experiencing unhealthy levels of insecurities and fear of abandonment. 

We started fighting frequently, with no productive results. He eventually moved out of my house, not ending the relationship, but creating physical and emotional distance. This caused me a lot of extra pain, and at that point I decided to start my therapy journey. Alas, I continued to grow more emotionally dependent on him, the more he was pulling away from our relationship. I would visit him often in his new space, which he shared with mutual friends. There, I felt like a burden, often ignored or treated like a child. They were all occupied with crypto trading, and it felt like they were addicted to it. It was the only topic of conversation, and I felt left out all the time. I did not have a lot of things going on in my life other than Jim and our mutual friends, which made it harder to see the toxicity of the situation. I was too scared to lose him, because I felt like I had no one else. Despite the emotional neglect and disrespect, I was holding onto the relationship and clinging to the belief that things would eventually be like they were at first. 

The relationship reached a breaking point, during a trip to Athens in the spring of 2021. Me, Jim, and a group of friends stayed in a shared AirBnb for an extended period. During this trip, I was having a lot of new and interesting experiences with old and new friends. Jim, however, became almost entirely unresponsive toward me, prioritizing trading and isolating himself from the group too. The only time I felt a hint of connection was when he slept next to me at night. I was really miserable and trying to get him to talk about us often, but he always shut me down. In a particularly painful moment, he asked a friend to announce at dinner time that I and some other people had to leave the Airbnb, because we were “distracting” them from crypto trading. He requested this indirectly, without addressing me, which made me feel humiliated and completely devalued. That was the first moment I decided enough was enough, not that I had a choice, and I left quietly. I stayed with another friend in Athens. My therapist at the time strongly encouraged me to leave Athens and seek comfort in other friends or family. I realized that I was only staying in Athens hoping he would ask me to go back, so I left and went to my hometown. 

Although Jim later reached out to me with vague promises of reconciliation, as we never broke up properly, he ultimately disappeared without any closure, effectively ghosting me. The summer of 2021 was one of the most painful periods of my life, to the point where I started antidepressant pills in September. After that, I slowly started healing the parts that were left broken and searching deeper into my psyche. 

APPLICATION OF ATTACHMENT THEORY

Attachment theory can be helpful for understanding some of the psychological dynamics that shaped this relationship. Originally created by Bowlby in 1969, attachment theory emphasizes the importance of early parental experiences in forming psychological patterns in relationships with others and ourselves. The theory suggests that these experiences and parental relationships can manifest as one (or a combination of) the following four attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized (Ainsworth et al., 1978). Secure types are the healthiest, comfortable with intimacy and independence, easy to trust others, and maintain healthy relationships. Anxiously attached people seek closeness but highly fear abandonment, often clingy because of their fears. Avoidant types value their independence and tend to distance themselves emotionally. Disorganized types can show mixed signals and may show unpredictable behaviors due to past trauma. In adult romantic contexts, these styles influence how people view their partner, seek closeness, deal with conflict, and regulate emotional intimacy (Hazan & Shaver, 1987). Concerning the specific partnership of Jim and me, I estimate that we represented a classic anxious-avoidant couple, which is one of the most studied and challenging pairings in attachment research. The two styles are drawn to each other, unconsciously creating relationships that trigger their unhealthy attitudes about themselves and others. Anxious partners are drawn to avoidant partners because the avoidant’s emotional distance can trigger the anxious partner’s need to chase and gain closeness. Similarly, avoidant partners can be attracted to the anxious partner’s pursuit that prompts them to withdraw emotionally and allows them to control the level of intimacy, consequently feel safer. This dynamic can create a cycle of the anxious partner seeking closeness, the avoidant partner withdraws, which increases the anxious’ chase, and repeat. This can lead to a toxic pattern, which unfortunately can feel familiar for both (Mikulincer et al., 2010). I believe that is the case with me and Jim, since this exact cycle was repeating a lot in our relationship (me attempting closeness, him retreating, me getting clingier, and so on).