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Assistant: Title: Decipher my heart (you can feel me)
        Author: buckleydefender buckleydefender 
        Chapter: 7/16 
        Summary: Eddie is injured in a fire that leaves him temporarily blind, Buck is the only one he wants to take care of him.They’re both in love and they’re both oblivious.
        Contents: Chapter 7: In my veins
    

    

        
          
          
            Sunday till Monday morning.
          
        

      
        
          Honestly I don’t know what to say anymore. I know what has to happen next, the Diaz parents will make an appearance and they will not be nice but I can’t stop writing every single detail so you basically get 4k words of nonsense until that happens? I DONT KNOW, bear with me and with my grammatical mistakes x love you all
      
  

  
  
    
    Buck doesn’t wake Eddie up for lunch. He and Chris chat about school and the homework the kid has been putting off ever since his dad’s accident, Buck keeps on glancing towards the bedroom door, in case Eddie might produce even the smallest noise.“Buck,” Chris suddenly calls him, while Buck is clearing the table.“Yeah, bud?”“Is Dad okay?”Christopher’s voice is small and his whole demeanor is different from the time Eddie is awake and can hear them. “Yeah, he’s just upset because he doesn’t like asking for help, you know?” Buck decides to be honest, starting to wash the dishes.“Why?” Chris scrunches up his nose, he’s leaning against the counter in a way that reminds Buck of all the nights he and Eddie have spent in the same kitchen, washing and drying dishes, working as one.His heart rate doubles. He’s also so glad to hear that Christopher knows he can always ask for help if needed, or his father’s reluctance wouldn’t be such a difficult concept to grasp.He smiles, “because… he- he is always so strong, right?” he decides to say.How do you explain to a young teenager years worth of trauma?Chris proudly nods.“So, he’s not used to not being the strong one. Does it make sense?” “Yeah, Buck,” Chris agrees, with a soft smile, and then goes back to his room.Buck is proud of himself in a way, he’s glad Chris is doing well and he’s glad that he got Eddie to understand that he’s there to help him because he wants to and not because he doesn’t think Eddie is capable of handling things on his own.He puts aside the rest of the lunch he prepared for him and Chris, hoping that Eddie will be hungry when he wakes up and then goes to sit on the couch, scrolling mindlessly through his phone.He even talks to Maddie for a bit, then updates Bobby, and then sends some texts to the 118 group chat. About one hour later, he hears someone call his name. “Eddie?” He is sitting on the edge of the bed in a second.“How long was I out for?” Eddie mumbles in response, voice hoarse.“Two hours tops, how do you feel?” Every inch of Buck is longing to touch him, to smooth out the creases of the T-shirt that is leaving a bit of skin exposed, to pat his hair smooth, to kiss his jaw and then his forehead, but he decides he’s happy with gently rubbing a hand on Eddie’s chest.“I’m okay.”“Not trying to send me away anymore?” Buck jokes but Eddie knows that he’s scared.So Eddie finds Buck’s hand and takes it in his, as much as his bandages allow him, “I’m sorry, I’m-” he says but Buck is quicker.“I was just kidding, Eddie, c’mon, let’s go have some lunch.”“Haven’t you eaten yet?”“Oh I did eat, with my best friend, now we have to get some food into you.”Buck pokes him in the stomach while they’re walking to the kitchen and Eddie laughs.“Am I a bad person if I’m glad Chris hasn’t come out here to see me while it seems like I have never held a fork before in my life?” Eddie mutters while Buck puts some plates in front of him.Buck huffs, and sits beside him, “what do you think?” he sighs.“I think I am, but I know you don’t,” Eddie smirks, properly settling in front of the table.Buck proudly smiles and ruffles his hair, getting an offended “Buck!” coming from his best friend.“Eat.”  When lunch is a done thing, another problem presents itself. “Buck…” Eddie starts to mumble while he’s drying the dishes he has used to eat and that Buck washed and he insisted on drying.“Yeah? You okay?” Buck’s Eddie-radar is quick to pick up even the smallest mood swings, so he’s sure that something must be up.Eddie’s frown confirms his suspicions.“I have to- use the toilet, you know…” Eddie whispers. He says that like it’s some sort of national secret or some conspiracy theory that no one has to hear about and if the whole situation weren’t giving Buck a constant headache (and heartache), he would probably laugh in his best friend’s face.“Okay…” he trails off carefully. “Can I help you?” he asks Eddie.Eddie looks mortified, horrified and Buck’s resolve almost breaks. He almost starts laughing.“No! What? Obviously not!” Eddie exclaims.Buck frowns. “So… what can I do?” “Could you…” Eddie starts saying but then clamps his mouth shut. “God this is so embarrassing…” he mutters, pressing his hands to his face so that Buck intervenes and gently peels them away. “Stop hurting your face,” he fleetingly reminds his friend.“C’mon, nothing is embarrassing between us at this point,” then he encourages him.“Can you bring me there? I don’t know how to get to the bathroom in my fucking house!” Buck sighs and then silently takes his arm and escorts him through the corridor, to the bathroom.“Here we are, did you survive the mortifying ordeal of getting help going places while blind?” he sarcastically asks Eddie.“Fuck you,” Eddie tells him, but he’s beaming and Buck would send him away with a kiss if he could.“I’ll be here for you, your majesty,” he teases, waiting outside the door.Eddie does indeed find him outside the door, precisely when he manages to trip on his own feet and almost fall face-first into the carpeted floor if Buck didn’t catch him.“Hey now, I thought we agreed on no broken bones,” Buck tells him, snickering.Eddie flips him off and then mutters a thanks Buck which has Buck’s stomach possibly fluttering all afternoon.Turns out that not being able to see and having to rely on your best friend, on another person, for everything, is really, really extremely exhausting, judging by the way Eddie sleeps all the way through the afternoon while Buck helps Chris with his homework. But Buck finds a surprising kind of comfort in spending time with Christopher, in being the person who sits on the other side of the table, ready to help only if needed.He basks in the Diaz house smells, noises, colors, and nuances, in the way he seems to just perfectly fit there, in the way Chris jumps on top of him when he sits on the couch because he wants to play some video game with him. He finds he can literally breathe a little bit easier when he goes to make dinner and Chris follows him and with huge, pleading eyes asks him if he can go wake up his dad for dinner. He can breathe easier because for the first time, that night, Eddie seems happy to be around food, even if it is not a sandwich, even if Chris himself decides he has to help his dad when he fumbles with his glass and then with the napkins. He is glad no one is there to judge him because he is sure his expression must speak volumes. He can feel the fondness threaten to crush his heart when he looks at the Diaz boys who are currently sitting in front of him, he feels at peace, maybe for the first time in his life.He has the fleeting thought of calling his parents and telling them “look, I made it, I have a family who loves me, who’s not looking for an excuse to abandon me, to belittle me, I have a son, and a man who loves me, and I owe nothing to you”, but then, while Chris laughs at his dad antics, he remembers that they’re not actually his, even though he’s been theirs for so long that he can’t remember now. He’s content nonetheless.  Chris is constantly reminding both Buck and Eddie of how old he is getting by absolutely refusing any bedtime story or conversation, but that night Buck’s heart is about to burst with love because the kid asks his dad if he can spend some time with him until he falls asleep. Buck wishes him a good night and leaves them alone; he kinda would like to know what they’re talking about but he gives them some privacy. He guesses that if you really love your dad, spending some time alone with him after you thought he was dead is the bare minimum.He stays close to the room though, close enough that approximately twenty minutes later, he hears Eddie shuffling out. “Hey,” he whispers so he doesn't startle him.“Everything good?”Eddie smiles. “Good, that kid is amazing.”“Yeah, he is.”They're both smiling like two proud parents would when they reach the couch. “What do you want to do?” Buck gingerly asks.“Just this,” Eddie mutters and plants himself between the couch armrest and Buck’s side, placing his forehead on Buck’s shoulder.Buck frowns and despite his heart beating against his ribcage like a jackhammer, he focuses on Eddie’s labored breathing.“Are you okay?” His instincts force him to bring a hand to Eddie’s cheek. He finds it warm.“‘m okay, just sleep,” Eddie mumbles incoherently and that sends a thousand alarm bells ringing in his brain.“You’re hot,” he says, gently moving, to take a better look at his friend.Eddie, even in his half-asleep, half-conscious state, snorts and “thanks,” mumbles.“I’m rolling my eyes, I want you to know that,” so Buck tells him, exasperated and very much worried.“I’ll have to check your temperature.”Eddie whines at the loss of his personal source of heat when Buck leaves the couch and starts rummaging through his friend’s bathroom cabinets where the first aid kit is.Ten minutes later, Buck is a little more relaxed, less concerned, and less feeling like he’s one step away from calling 911. Eddie isn’t running a fever, his temperature is just a bit higher than normal, but the nurses had warned them, so he braces himself for the next task at hand.“We need to change the bandages, and I have to put your eye drops, bud,” he informs Eddie.Buck isn’t expecting anything less than the protests he gets from his friend, so he doesn’t let that deter him. Instead, he brings everything he needs to the coffee table and then sits on it, proceeding to take Eddie’s hands in his.“I’ll start with the hands, your majesty,” he mockingly announces, while he starts to undo the bandage around Eddie’s left hand.“Stop calling me that,” Eddie stubbornly mutters. “Then stop acting like a fed-up member of the British crown and let me take care of you,” Buck snickers.Both of them know that there’s no real heat behind those words, just pure, extreme fondness that sends shivers down Eddie’s spine, if anything.“Go ahead then, prince dickhead,” Eddie retorts and it takes approximately five seconds before they both erupt into laughter.That’s when each one of them thinks that he’d gladly do this for the rest of his life, but no one says anything about it.Buck refrains from hissing when he sees, for the first time, the burns on Eddie’s hands. Instead, he’s quick to do his job. He’s not a paramedic but he’s done this enough times to make sure he’s doing a decent job, so he wraps Eddie’s hands up in the new gauze before the man even notices.“All done,” he then claps his hands theatrically and moves Eddie’s arm so that his forearm is on his thighs. Eddie huffs but says nothing.“I’m sorry if this stings now, there’s a cream I have to apply,” Buck warns him, peeling the reddish-brown gauze off delicately.“Don’t worry.”“You know I do.”
  I love you I love you I love you.
Eddie is careful to shut the ever-loving fuck up.Even when Buck takes all the time in the world to carefully rub the ointment on his wound, after a thorough cleaning session, and then waits for a few seconds before retrieving the clean gauze. All the while muttering sweet things like “shh”, “I’m sorry”, “it’s okay”, and “I’m done, I promise”, that make Eddie want to kiss him until both of them are out of breath, for God’s sake.Buck stands up, Eddie hears him.“What now?” he stupidly asks.“Eyedrops,” Buck explains apologetically as if the whole ordeal were his fault.Buck reads through the instructions that the ophthalmologist gave him like his life depended on it, then takes the deepest breath of his life when he has to remove Eddie’s eyepatches.“You ready?” he asks anyway and he only receives a shrug.Eddie doesn’t think anybody has ever treated him so gently before, probably not even his mother when he was sick as a child, so it’s only human that he feels the need to cry as soon as Buck starts pressing his thumbs at the corner of his eyes, seemingly smoothing out the creases left behind by the patches. “You okay? We should probably get you some cream, this skin is-”Eddie cuts him off by taking his wrist and taking it to his lips. He’s not kissing it, but he talks against the soft skin, there. “You’re doing so much for me, I- I will never be able to repay you…” he mumbles, while his breath comes out shaky. Buck feels the hot trail that Eddie’s lips are leaving behind press down into his veins, he’s pretty sure his brain has stopped functioning, he’ll probably have to read those eyedrop instructions another ten times.“Y- you,” he says but then he hears his own fried voice and clears his throat. “You will never have to repay me, Eddie,” he says sternly, praying to God or the universe that Eddie can’t hear his thrumming heart through his wrist, as it is still pressed against Eddie’s mouth.Eddie would love to scream that it was just some twisted way to tell him he loves him so fiercely without actually telling him, but he doesn’t feel like he can, so he just shakes his head and sighs.“I just want-” Buck starts, taking advantage of the position in which Eddie has put his hand to bring it to the other man’s cheek. “I just want you to be okay,” he tells Eddie.Then he unexpectedly drops onto the couch and hugs him, even if the angle is awkward and uncomfortable, and buries his face into Eddie’s hair, and sounds like he’s a step away from sobbing.“God, I’m so glad you’re still here,” he mutters into his friend’s brown locks. “You have no idea.”“I’m not going anywhere, Evan.”Buck thinks he’s one movement away from bursting into tears, so he takes some seconds to compose himself, then coughs, and clears his throat. “Good, so I can put the good stuff into your eyes, make them work again, c’mon,” he jokes, even if his voice is hoarse, while he gets up and reaches for the small bottle of drops.“You’re impossible,” Eddie laughs fondly. He wouldn’t trade Buck for the world.Buck gets lost in Eddie’s eyes. He focuses on the task that is getting three different kinds of eyedrops in them but he can’t help but notice the different shades of brown and the flickers of honey that come with Eddie’s irises. He has never had the chance to observe them this close and even if the circumstances are less than ideal, he’s savoring the moment.“I’m done,” he gracefully announces, as soon as he’s putting two new, sterile patches on Eddie’s eyes.He sees his friend slump further into the couch, he must be tired.“You can go to bed, I’ll make the couch.”Eddie’s face twists and something Buck can’t recognize shows up on his face. “What?”“Nothing, I’m just tired-” Eddie starts with his lie and then adds on, to really sell it. “And my eyes sting a little.”“I’m sorry.”“Not your fault.”“Still…”They stay silent for some time, basking in each other’s presence and warmth. Eddie simply can’t muster the courage to ask Buck to sleep with him, so he gives up.In the end, he goes to bed, and Buck stays on the couch. What Eddie hasn’t considered, though, is that while he was in the hospital, Buck never left his side. He was always close, close to touch, close to see. His subconscious could probably feel him.So, when he wakes up in the middle of the night, screaming because of a nightmare well worth of his personal collection, T-shirt damp with sweat and hands that try to peel the patches away from his eyes, he isn’t really surprised.Buck wakes up with a start because of the noise he hears. Initially, he thinks he has imagined it but then he hears shuffling coming from Eddie’s room and he finds out he’s walking towards it before he can even process what he is doing.He knocks on the door but he doesn’t wait for any kind of answer; he enters the room and sees Eddie with his hands on his face. He reaches the bed in two strides, “Eddie, hey, hey,” he whispers so that he doesn’t startle his friend and doesn’t wake up Chris.“Buck?” Buck sits next to him, hugs him from the side with one hand, with the other one he peels Eddie’s hands away from his face.“Nightmare?” he asks, drawing circles on the skin under the fabric.Eddie nods, deflated, sad. “I’m a mess,” he mumbles and hides his face into his best friend’s neck.Buck sadly chuckles, “for one nightmare, Eds? Really?” he asks.Buck, in his sleepy, confused, hazy state, doesn’t even realize he’s called Eddie Eds but Eddie has. He feels fuzzy, and warm inside, the nightmare seems soon forgotten. “You should leave, Buck, I’m not worth it,” he says, though.
  Please hold me. Please don’t leave. Please never leave me.
Buck sighs, “oh God, I thought we were past that,” he mutters.“But you-”“But I want to be here, so now we sleep,” Buck cuts him off, and gets with him under the covers, hugging him from behind.“I was back in that factory…” Eddie suddenly confesses, in a whisper.Buck is immediately alert but doesn’t move. And he doesn’t speak either, he figures he just wants to give Eddie some space.“But…”Eddie is probably swallowing the lump that formed in his throat, so he patiently waits.“But you- it was you who got hurt and you- I- I-”He nuzzles Eddie’s neck when he feels his voice quivering and squeezes him before forcing him to turn around in his arms.“Hey, hey, Eds, I’m here, it’s okay, I’m okay-” he tries to say but Eddie shakes his head.“I couldn’t reach you, I couldn’t get to you, and- and-”Buck kisses his forehead again before he can talk himself out of it.“Shh, shh, it’s okay, it was just a dream, we’re okay, we’re here,” he murmurs, over and over. Then, he runs his fingers through Eddie’s hair. “Breathe, just breathe, it’s okay,” he keeps whispering.Eddie falls asleep completely wrapped around him and he is still wrapped securely around his best friend when morning comes and some rays of light come through the window curtains. Buck stirs and feels his whole right arm is completely numb because of a weight that has probably spent the night on it.The same weight that is snoring softly with his head on Buck’s shoulder, his arm lazily wrapped around Buck’s torso and a leg between Buck’s. Buck can’t resist the urge to bury his face into Eddie’s hair, closing the eyes he had previously opened. He doesn’t go back to sleep but it’s a close thing. He floats in a hazy state which he’s sure he did nothing to deserve but wants to be able to experience forever. Eddie maybe wakes up on his own or maybe wakes up because Buck is drawing nonsensical patterns on his back, moving up and down his spine until his fingertips reach the bare skin that his scrunched-up shirt is showing.“Hm- ‘ot ‘ight,” Buck hears and he instinctively chuckles, feeling a thousand times lighter than the previous night.“No, it’s not night, Eds,” he says, fondly. “It’s…” he tries to crane his head to look at the bedside clock that Eddie insists on keeping. “Something to six,” he murmurs distractedly.“Six?” Eddie slurs, indignantly.“Yeah, you can go back to sleep,” Buck chuckles softly. “You’ll have to let me go though,” he tells Eddie when Eddie squeezes him.Eddie whines in a way that should not be permitted, “why? Stay.”Buck doesn’t know if Eddie is truly aware of the way his hands are squeezing his side, or of the way his head nuzzles more into his neck. Either way, he feels like he can’t breathe and like he’s floating in space at the same time.“Well, there’s a kid who gotta go to school in this house,” he eventually tells Eddie, even if he doesn’t want to leave the bed either.“Can you come back when he’s gone?”Buck is pretty sure Eddie is pouting and he’s about to completely lose it. “Didn’t know Eddie Diaz could be so cuddly.” He decides to tease Eddie, or else he would explode right on the spot, combust probably. Eddie keeps complaining. “You’re not nice to me.”Buck snorts while he lazily leaves the bed, “pretty sure I’m plenty nice,” he retorts. Eddie lifts a middle finger up in the general direction of Buck and goes back to a peaceful slumber with a hint of a smile on his face.'
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