my teacher gave me in text feedback on a script i wrote, please listen to it and apply it. you can add information if needed. keep the stuff that is already written the same unless it goes againsnest the feedback or it does not make sense. also keep the vocabulary the same level:  Introduction
(voiceover)
(title slide)
Hello, I'm <PRESIDIO_ANONYMIZED_PERSON>. This is my final project for Philosophy: The Big Questions. we've explored a bunch of philosophical ideas, delving into different areas like Metaphysics, Epistemology, Logic, Aesthetics, Ethics, and Political and Social Philosophy. Our main focus has been on four key questions: What is a Person? What is a Meaningful Life? What is Beauty and Art?, and What is a Just Society? Learning about the different viewpoints and concepts relating to each of these questions throughout the course has been fascinating, but also a bit challenging to comprehend. When it comes to my own philosophy, I place a great deal of importance on personal freedom and taking responsibility for our actions. I believe that each one the power to shape our own future through thoughtful choices and ethical behaviour. To me, life is a journey of self-discovery and personal growth. It's through the difficulties we face and the experiences we go through that our true identity takes shape. And at the core of my beliefs is the understanding that empathy and justice are vital ingredients in building a fair and compassionate community. By embracing and respecting diverse perspectives, we can create a society that is more just and caring.
What is Beauty and Art?
Personal Beliefs
Philosopher/Theory support
Example
Now, let's dig deeper into these questions, starting with “What is Beauty and Art?" For me, beauty and art are closely connected to our emotions and life experiences. It's not just about the object itself, but the emotions it stirs within us. I totally agree with Immanuel Kant's viewpoint that beauty goes beyond just sensory pleasure. It's about our ability to appreciate harmony and form in things. Let me give you an example: “Abbey Road” by The Beatles, my all-time favourite album, really got to me. My dad introduced me to it, and it has become a huge part of my life. The incredible melodies, innovative sounds, and the deep meanings in the lyrics perfectly embody Kant's idea of beauty. It's a beautiful mix of sensory enjoyment and intellectual appreciation. To me, art is a way to express what words can't. It's like a channel that allows us to convey our deepest feelings and thoughts. It taps into universal truths and shared human experiences, bringing out the beauty in them.

What is a Just Society?
Personal Beliefs
Philosopher/Theory support
Example
A just society, in my opinion, is one where things are fair, equal, and just all around. 

I'm a big fan of John Rawls' theory of justice, which brings up this concept called the veil of ignorance and principles of fairness. Rawls thinks that a just society should arrange social and economic inequalities in a way that helps those who have the least advantages and ensures that everyone has the same opportunities. 

A good example of Rawls' principles at work is the public education system. It aims to give every kid a fair start in life by providing quality education to everyone, especially those who are struggling financially. In this kind of society, the laws and institutions focus on cutting down on inequality and making sure that everyone can reach their full potential. It's all about fairness and justice. You could even add in a personal example

This is where you would state I believe…. Then a philosopher.. Then you support your belief with an example
Another example is raising the minimum wage. This could make things more just by helping low-income workers support their families better, improve their quality of life, and give them a fairer shot at success. That way, we can reduce economic inequality. By adopting these principles, we can build a society where everyone has the opportunity to thrive.

What is a Meaningful Life?
Personal Beliefs
Philosopher/Theory support
Example

For me, a meaningful life is all about finding purpose and fulfillment. I'm on the same page as existentialist thinkers like Jean-Paul Sartre, who believe that meaning isn't something we're handed, but rather something we create through the choices we make and the actions we take. (is this you or Sartre? Because you want to be clear that you aren’t passing his ideas as your own) 
We discover the meaning of life by chasing after our passions, building meaningful relationships, and making a positive impact on the world. 

Personally, my main goal is to achieve success and financial stability. Now, it's not just about raking in the cash; it's about providing security for myself and my loved ones, and having the freedom to pursue my passions and give back to my community. Each of us has our own unique path to follow and our own way of finding meaning. We have the freedom and responsibility to shape our own existence, and that's pretty amazing if you ask me. Take, for example, the decision I made in ninth grade to attend Forest Hill instead of Northern. That choice had a huge impact on my sense of purpose. It introduced me to a whole new community and a bunch of fresh opportunities, helping me grow in ways I never would have imagined. It also reinforced my determination to succeed and make a positive difference in the world.

What is a Person?
Personal Beliefs
Philosopher/Theory support
Example
In my opinion, being a person means having consciousness, rationality, and the ability to make moral choices. It's like what René Descartes said, "I think, therefore I am." 
Belief
I believe that being self-aware and thinking critically are important aspects of being a person. But being a person is also about how we connect with others and understand our ethical and social responsibilities in society. Being a person is about having both independence and responsibility. It's about recognizing the value of ethical behaviour and showing empathy towards others. 
Example
For example, when a friend shared a personal struggle with me, it was crucial for me to show empathy and offer support. By listening without judgment and giving advice, I helped them feel valued and understood. This experience reinforced my belief that being a person isn't just about self-awareness, but also about how we treat others. Understanding what it means to be a person involves acknowledging our role within our communities and how our actions impact those around us. It highlights that being a person isn't just about thinking, but also about being kind and responsible in our interactions.

End
So, when it comes down to it, my personal philosophy is all about bringing together some really important ideas. To me, beauty and art are what connect us to our deepest emotions and the things we all go through as humans. And when it comes to society, I think it should be fair and equal, giving everyone a fair shot at success. Now, when it comes to living a meaningful life, I believe it's all about the choices we make and the actions we take. It's about finding purpose in the things we're passionate about and the relationships we have. And last but not least, I think a person is someone who's self-aware, thinks rationally, acts ethically, and shows empathy towards others. By digging into these philosophical questions, my goal is to really understand ourselves better and the world we live in. So, thank you for joining me on this philosophical journey, and thanks for watching.

(closing scene fade to black)

This is a good start to your ideas. You do provide definitions and philosophers but the personal belief should be first and then supported by philosophers and examples. Your work is rich with definitions and statements but I do not hear your voice strongly and first above all else. You will need to spend some time re-structuring your work so that your ideas are first. The work is largely definition and proving you understand definitions but your voice is not that present. 

Make sure to follow the format of 
Personal Beliefs
Philosopher/Theory support
Example