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Assistant: Title: Consequences of Impropriety
        Author: audbooh audbooh 
        Chapter: 8/20 
        Summary: Penelope Featherington is determined to marry after the disaster of the Featherington Ball last season. But when Colin Bridgerton corners her outside Lady Danbury's ball, his improper behaviour has devastating consequences.
            
            Colin and Penelope meet outside the Danbury Ball and Colin embraces chaos. Colin puts Penelope in the friend-zone even though she took his last name.
        Contents: Chapter 8
    

    

        
          
          
            Colin wallows in his feelings and thirsts over his wife. What else is new?
          
        

      
        
          
          (See the end of the chapter for  notes.)
          
      
  

  
  
    
    Colin could not fool himself any longer. He was hiding from his wife. Each morn he woke before her, thankful that it took Penelope longer to dress than him. Most of the time he simply wandered the streets of Mayfair, or practiced at gentlemanly hobbies. Colin was almost as good at fencing with his right hand as he was with his left now. When he was younger his tutors tried to train him out of using his left hand. He was told it was against God’s plan for him to continue using his left, even if it felt more natural. So Colin had begrudgingly learned to use his right. Yet another way he tried to conform to what the ton required of him.Colin spent his afternoons at Bridgerton House. When he first appeared, his family was jovial to see him. He played cards with Benedict, wrestled with Gregory, and ate many biscuits. Every time, his mother asked him where Penelope was, but Colin was able to make excuses for her absence. Although he was quickly running out of them. Eloise tended to scowl at him whenever he arrived, refusing to speak to him. Which he was just fine with. At night, Colin went to the clubs. He frequented both Mondrich’s and White’s, dousing himself in liquor and the companionship of his fellow gentlemen. Fife, Cho, and Stanton were the same as ever, yet Colin found that they were trying his patience. At one point they invited him to the brothel, and when he refused, they questioned him.“I can guarantee that there’s many girls there that are more tempting than your wife,” Cho said, laughing at his own joke. Stanton nodded in agreement. “Which chit did you marry again? The fat Featherington girl, right? No wonder you are here every night.” The three men laughed loudly, clanking their drinks together. Colin frowned, anger brimming within him. How dare they speak of his wife like that? His stomach twisted uncomfortably, his jaw clenched as he slammed his drink down.“Don’t talk about my wife that way,” he growled. The men only raised their brows, amusement crinkling their eyes. “Oh, Bridgerton, you cannot tell me you actually desire her? Surely her teats do not make up for the rest of her.” Colin stood up, his hands itching to punch these b@st@rds.“Shut your mouth, before I challenge you.” It was a foolish statement, but Colin would not back down. If they continued to insult Penelope, he would have no other choice. He had to protect her reputation. The men seemed to realise that Colin was serious, rolling their eyes. They continued to speak amongst themselves, bragging about their conquests and tumbles in brothels. Colin felt his chest growing tighter and tighter. Colin had tried to pretend that s@x was simply for fun. He had tried to rake his way through the continent to no avail. No matter how much he tried, Colin could not bring himself to feel comfortable with it. Every time he had bedded a woman, he had felt empty inside. Sometimes he had struggled to maintain an erection. There was no emotional connection, no passion and intimacy. He thought that maybe he was not doing it correctly, but Colin had come to realise that it was the lack of connection between himself and his partner that was wrong. He did not want a tumble in the hay with any random woman. He wanted to look into her eye and know that she knew him and that he knew her. Colin sighed, taking a drink of his brandy then setting it down loudly. The men at the table stared at him as he began to speak, “Apologies for the interruption, it is just… why do we pretend that marriage is some short of shackle? We make fun of those in love and joke about it as if it is simply a passing fancy, when love is one of the most important things in a man’s life. Instead we bed whores and shut ourselves off from connection. Do you not find it lonely?”His friends stared at him for a minute, then burst into laughter. Colin shrunk under it, frowning as they slapped each other on the back and laughed. Cho wiped tears from his eyes as Stanton slammed his fist on the table.“Oh, Bridgerton,” Fife chuckled, “you’ve had too much to drink.” Colin only shrugged, his gaze falling to the table as he sipped from his brandy. He quickly took his leave, paying his tab then stumbling home. He was drunk, but not deeply. His mind was spinning as he walked up the stairs and collapsed into his bed. His eyes tried to focus on the ceiling but his vision was blurry. Colin was once again the outsider. It reminded him of his days at Eton, when he had to stifle his tears lest he be made fun of. Men did not cry, his tutor had told him, they did not spend hours pondering their feelings. Colin knew he was sensitive, but those first few months at Eton had taught him that he was wrong for that. It was not proper for him to discuss any feelings he might’ve had. Colin learned to push them down until he was alone. His mother tried to bring him out of his shell, but he always distracted her with a charming smile and a kiss on the cheek. He tried to shape himself into a new man on his travels. Yet, Colin found that he was tired of it. Tired of pretending to be a rake, tired of pretending that others’ feelings did not matter to him. Yes, he cared. He cared deeply about his family, about his wife. He was a romantic and he yearned for the great love story that his parents had. But Colin was not ready to admit that to the world yet. So he kept away from the people who cared about him, letting them think that he was a better person than he actually was. He was to be the fun big brother, the responsible and kind husband, the doting son. Colin stayed away from Penelope, lest he burden her with his unwanted affections. He kept with his family, putting on the airs of an uncaring and jovial gentleman. He would be the man that they would be comfortable with. That they would be proud of.His heart stopped when he saw Penelope dressed for the ball. She was in a beautiful dark blue dress that hugged her form, the neckline dipped low and the shimmering fabric draped over her lovely shape. A beautiful sapphire necklace nestled in the crevice of her bosom, and Colin felt his mouth watering at the sight. In that dress, her br@@sts were perked up, almost spilling out of the bodice. If he crooked his finger and pulled at the neckline, her nipples would be exposed to the air. Colin’s c@ck tightened in his breeches and he had to silently admonish himself. He was not going to ogle Penelope, he would not disrespect her like that. Yet Colin couldn’t help but look at her bosom. He wanted to dip his lips into their plumpness, taste her skin and draw her nipple into his mouth. Colin wrenched his gaze away, forcing himself to look at her face. Her hair was in soft waves, framing her plump cheeks perfectly. His heart beat loudly, trying to break out of his ribcage and jump to her. Penelope was beautiful. Aphrodite in mortal form. As she walked up to him, her eyes shined and he wanted to curve his hand down her cheeks and press his lips to hers. He never wanted to stop looking at her. “Are we ready?” Penelope asked, and Colin was drawn out of his admiration. She took his arm and they left their house, entering the carriage. Colin watched Penelope as she shifted on the seat and wrung her hands together. Her teeth dug into her bottom lip and Colin had to stop himself from groaning aloud. She was obviously nervous and here he was, l@st@ng over her. She was looking out the window and the moon bathed her in cool light. Colin had seen many sights. He had been to the most awe-inspiring of cities, seen ruins that were older than England, climbed mountains and swam in glittering waters, yet he knew he had never seen a sight as beautiful as the one before him. Penelope was mesmerising. Her pale skin was creamy in the light of the moon, her flaming hair like the sun against her cool form. Colin lost his breath, unable to stop staring at her. She had a spread of freckles across her nose that he’d never noticed before. Colin was in a trance for the rest of the ride. After reassuring her that she would be protected by him, his mind had drifted. All he could think about was her, the way she looked, the sparkle in her eye that tried to hide her nervousness. Even as they exited the carriage, he was adrift. How did anybody function when around the one they desired? Colin was thankful for the distraction of his brothers. He greeted Anthony and Benedict, letting himself get lost in their friendly bickering. Even Benedict’s teasing was welcome. “How has marriage life been? You’ve been at Bridgerton House an awful lot,” Anthony asked. Colin heard the accusation hidden beneath the question. Colin sighed, rubbing his fist against his aching heart. “I have been trying to give her space. I do not want to overwhelm her, not while everything is so new.” Benedict plied him with a cup of wine and Colin drank thankfully. Anthony raised a brow and Colin swallowed roughly. In truth, he was barely able to think when he was by her side. His self-control, usually excellent, was falling apart in her presence. Kate came to draw Anthony away and Benedict waggled his brows before leaving Colin to his musings. A gentle hand touched his arm and Colin spun around to see his mother, a concerned look on her face.“You look too pensive for a ball, my son,” she said. Colin felt his walls shake and he fought to regain his composure.“Mother… how did you know that you were in love with Father?” Violet smiled, soothingly running her hand up his arm. Her eyes gained that bittersweet nostalgia that always came with mentions of Edmund Bridgerton. “Oh, it was plenty of things. He made me feel safe and comfortable, I always wanted to be with him, I could talk to him about everything and know he wanted to listen. Mostly, I realised that I did not want to live without him.” Colin sucked in a breath, glancing over his mother’s shoulder at nothing. His heart beat erratically as he thought about Penelope in the carriage, the way she sometimes snorted when she was laughing hard, her small smile and the apples of her cheeks. The warmth he had been trying to suppress spread through his body, up to his ears and down to his toes. Violet cupped his cheek, and Colin knew he should not allow her to treat him like a boy in public, but he leaned into her touch anyways. “How did you know that your feelings were requited and that he wanted to be more than friends?” Colin asked. Violet’s smile grew as she patted his cheek and stepped back.“Well, because he had the courage to ask.” The sound of familiar laughter rang through the ballroom. Colin snapped his gaze towards the sound, his heart racing like he had run a hundred miles. He had not heard that laugh since before his tour and he missed it desperately. Penelope was standing with a man, giggling to herself as she stared up at him. The man smiled, leaning towards Penelope as they spoke. Something raw and ugly sprouted within Colin, a twisting in his stomach as air left his lungs. He felt like he had been punched in the chest, leaving him gasping and struggling for breath. This bastard was flirting with his wife. Colin did not know what came over him. His body moved without his permission, stomping across the dance floor towards the pair. Colin’s vision was flooded with red, every muscle tense as if preparing for a fight. Colin grabbed Penelope, pulling her onto the floor and away from that rake. Colin held her close, squeezing her soft flesh as if he could leave his mark on her. Let anyone who tried to approach her know that she was his. For a minute he wished she would suck a bruise onto his neck, wanted her to claim him. All of his senses were heightened, eyes and throat burning as he leaned close. Distantly he was aware that he was speaking and that she was arguing, but all of it paled. He could see the swell of her br@@sts from this angle. Her backside brushed against his groin and Colin had to force a moan down his throat. He did not care for propriety, not now. She was his, he was hers, and that horrible animal in his brain wanted the entire ton to know. Only when she broke apart from him and ran off did his good sense return to him. He fought against his blush, finally noticing how the other couples were whispering as they stared. Colin hesitated for only a moment before he ran after her. Penelope chastised him thoroughly, bringing attention to how much of a beast he had been. Colin melted with shame, his stomach recoiling and bile rising in his throat. Once again he had been monstrous, unaware of how his actions had affected her. He was disgusted with himself, scrambling for any sense of familiarity. He wanted their relationship to go back to before, when he could make her laugh and they could share secrets and she was not angry with him. But Penelope was right. They could not be the same. Her tears felt like acid, burning him as they rode in silence. Colin’s eyes felt watery but he refused to let them fall. He ran away from her, refusing to hurt her any longer. She did not want to be around him, he had acted like a beast and she hated him for it. Colin scrambled in his study, pulling open drawers and pushing around papers. Finally he found one of his journals that he had left empty, the darkened cover unlike the sun-bleached ones he had taken on his travels. He spread it across his desk, dipping his quill angrily into an ink-pot before scratching onto the paper.
  I have fallen in love with Penelope and she cannot stand my presence…
When Colin arrived at Bridgerton House, there was a tense silence that he was unused to. He was there to pick up Anthony and Benedict on their way to Mondrich’s like he did every week. Yet when he walked into the drawing room, his mother did not rise to greet him. Kate was glaring at him and even Newton curled his lip.“Did Anthony and Benedict go without me?” Colin asked. Newton growled as Colin moved into the room. He hesitated, moving away from the settee. Colin’s feet shifted as he clasped his hands behind his back. His mind was telling him to run, to take a boat to France or Cyprus, but he stood still. “I have been angry and frustrated and worried with you, but I have never been so disappointed.” Colin’s heart dropped in his chest at his mother’s words. “Penelope came to me today, crying in my arms because of how you have treated her. You abandon that poor girl in your house, you say such mean things in front of other gentlemen. She is alone and heartbroken and it is because of you.” Colin could not stop the tears now. They brimmed in his eyes, traitorously falling down his cheeks. Violet cried as well, and she wiped at her face before continuing. “You have not treated her as a wife. You have not even treated her as a friend. I cannot believe this, Colin.” Violet turned away from him and Colin’s heart broke even more. He furiously brushed his tears away, his gaze focused on the carpet before him. “I am sorry,” he whispered. In truth, Colin had been struggling with his feelings, with his place in society, with his role as a husband. He knew he was not worthy to be her husband, not even worthy to be her friend after all he had done. She deserved a man who was secure, who had wealth and a title. Not a lost boy still struggling to find himself. How could he ever live up to Penelope’s goodness, her grace and kindness? He had resolved himself to be her friend, but he had failed in even that. When Anthony and Benedict entered the room, Colin murmured, “I shall meet you outside.” He stomped outside, sucking in the cool night air. His chest was too big, lungs desperately aching with emptiness. Colin’s lungs felt like they were going to break as his skin tingled. What had he been thinking? He was a sorry excuse for a husband. At Mondrich’s, Colin drowned himself in brandy. Benedict raised a bow as Colin slammed another empty glass on the table, growling out for another. Anthony reached over to pluck the glass from his grip but Colin pulled away, shaking his head.“Did your wife tell you?” Colin did not know where the vitriol in his voice came from. “Of course she did, you are absolutely besotted with her. I am sure that Mother and Kate gossiped amongst themselves, laughing at what a poor husband I have been.” He barked out a laugh just as his glass was refilled and the burn in his throat as he swallowed felt like penance. “She told me,” Anthony said, his tone serious. “You are acting possessed, brother. Pushing her away then pulling her close. A husband is supposed to take care of his wife—”“I’ve tried!” Colin shouted. “I’ve given her space, tried not to overwhelm her. I let her dictate any closeness we have and dance around the fact that she loathes me. I try to be her friend and I try to forget that I have ruined her life.” His eyes burned and his lip quivered, but he refused to cry. He would not cry. “Ruined her life?” Benedict asked. Colin shot him a glare. How could his brothers be so thick-headed?“Of course! I forced her to marry me because I was upset that she would not talk to me. I knew better than to stand so close to her in public, but I was determined to get answers. Penelope wanted to live as a spinster forever with Eloise and I forced her to marry me!” Colin almost missed Anthony and Benedict sharing a knowing glance. Colin groaned, downing another drink. His vision was spinning and his head was fuzzy. He was well past drunk, he knew. Hopefully he would forget how embarrassing this all was in the morning. “I need to be better for her,” Colin grumbled. Benedict put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it.“Well, you cannot change the past. But you can act better starting now. Be the husband that she deserves, Colin. Wallowing here will not help you repair your marriage.” He hated it when Benedict doled out wisdom. Colin emptied his glass and stood up, determined to do better. He stumbled, his feet unsteady. Benedict and Anthony both moved to his side to stabilise him.“Woah there. Let us take you home, brother.” Colin tried to nod, but it made his head dizzy, so he only hummed. He did not remember leaving Mondrich’s, but soon their carriage was stopping and he was helped out. Colin knew he would not remember any of this come morning. Even now his mind was fuzzy, logic thrown out the window. He stumbled up to the second floor, hesitating before the door to Penelope’s bedchambers. Colin was struck with the need to see her, to make sure he had not ruined everything. He cracked open her door and called out her name. When she replied, his heart skipped a beat and he grinned. Colin’s sense of balance hindered his ability to steadily make his way to her bed. He had to feel her supple body under his hands. His c@ck twitched in his trousers at the memory of all of those dark, seductive dreams of her. He stripped down, then fell onto her bed. Her noises of exclamation did not deter him from crawling to her.God, she was beautiful. The thought pierced his addled brain and he gave her a dopey smile that she couldn’t see. Her legs were stretched out in front of her and she was sitting against plush pillows. Colin licked his lips as his eyes fell to her bosom, unhindered by a corset. He longed to drag his tongue over her soft flesh, to hold them in his palms and feel them overflowing. Colin fell, resting his head in her lap as he wrapped his arms around her waist. Throughout their tumultuous marriage, Colin wished they slept in the same bed. His parents had shared a bed for as long as he could remember. He yearned to fall asleep holding her and wake up to his face buried in her hair. Or her chest. Definitely in her chest. He pushed his cheek against the duvet covering her stomach. “Mmm… I’ve been a poor friend,” he murmured into her stomach. A poor friend and a poor husband. He revelled in the warmth of her, wanting nothing more than to kiss up her soft, plush stomach until he was buried in her generous bosom. He fought against the sleep threatening to overtake him, so comfortable was he. Then he felt her gentle, small hands running through his hair and he sighed in relief. “I have been ignoring you.”“Yes you have,” she replied and he felt his c@ck twitch at her soft voice. “I have left you alone in our house.” The house they were meant to share as husband and wife. He wanted to tup her in every room of this house until no surface was left unchristened. “Yes,” she whispered. Colin groaned at the reminder of his misdeeds. What a wretched husband he was. What a coward he was. He squeezed her tight, refusing to let her out of his sight. He moved away from her stomach for just a moment to look upon her beautiful face. Penelope was staring down at him, the shadows framing her cheeks and the soft curves of her lips. Colin wanted to write poetry about her beauty, hundreds of words that would rival Byron in their dedication to her womanly form. His vision was blurring so he blinked his eyes, wanting to commit every detail to memory. “I want everything to be the same,” he slurred, trying to grasp sobriety but failing spectacularly. “I want us to be Colin and Pen.” He wanted her to look at him with those sparkling eyes like she used to. He wanted to invite her to dance and share easy conversations with her. And maybe, during one of those dances, he would lean down and kiss her, and she would welcome it. He wanted them to be friends again so he could turn it into something more. Whatever Penelope said to him was thick and foggy in his ears, his drunken brain unable to comprehend. He snuggled up to her stomach again, pulling down the duvet so he could nuzzle her skin. He inwardly whined when met with her nightgown. Penelope tried to urge him out of her bed, but Colin didn’t listen. They were married, and married couples slept in the same bed. His parents had slept in the same bed for as long as he could remember. He had to make it up to her. Colin fell asleep holding Penelope close, the feeling of home spreading through him as he smiled. 
  
  

    
      
        
        
          Colinterlude part 2! I can now confirm that the third and FINAL part of the Colinterlude is chapter 9 aka next chap, and then we're back to Penelope and the present time. thank you all so much for your responses. I am in awe 🥰🥰! 20k hits, 800 kudos, almost 200 bookmarks! I want to give each and every one of you a big ol KISS 💋. please continue to comment and kudos, it literally gives me life. 🥹🥹thx to my sis, who will text me pictures of colin when she wants to motivate me to do chores. they work very well 🤭.'
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