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 far more if you choose to live your
authentic self and if someone rejects
you because of it you'll know that they
were never meant for you in the first
place now if that sounds like a lofty
dream and not really grounded in reality
I understand because the sad truth of
this entire thing is that we do need to
be judged fairly by others at its core
that's what makes our society work we
agree that something is Law and whoever
breaks it gets judged we agree on
certain moral principles and whoever
breaks them gets socially ostracized
we're judged at our places of work in
school in our society as a whole as sad
as it sounds gossip and ostracism helped
the greater good of the group in 2014
Sanford professor Rob Willer L A study
that explored the relation of gossip and
ostracism to the Harmony and
functionality of experimental groups in
this study Rob found out that groups
that allowed their members to gossip and
fold out underperforming members were
able to sustain cooperation and prevent
selfishness much better than groups that
weren't allowed to do so when we think
of ostracism we almost always see it in
a bad light however this study proved
that it does have a much more important
role in preventing the weak and
vulnerable from being bullied and
written upon have you ever been in a
group for a schoool project only to
quickly realize that there's one person
who just wouldn't do anything because
they know the group will pick up their
slack how's that make you feel now
imagine you could remove these people
from the group and then gossip to other
groups about how bad of a team player
they are it might seem harsh at first
but because of our innate fear of being
ostracized more often than not these
people would see the reality of what
they're doing and actually act better
when reinvites into the group it also
prevents these selfish people from
exploiting the more vulnerable people in
the group and allows them to reach their
full potential without fear of being
taken advantage of the researchers
concluded that exclusion compelled
participants to conform to the more
Cooperative behavior of the rest of the
group so yes we need to be good team
players for the proper functioning of
society however being part of a group
should never be at the expense of our
own
individuality we should never get so
scared of being ostracized that we do
not say the things that matter to us for
the fear of being judged we need to
realize that we will get to a point in
our lives where we'll begin to assess
everything that we've been taught as
children when you start to outgrow old
beliefs and walk into new ones do not be
held back by the fear of what everyone
who you grew up with would think caring
about what other people think is
necessary for the proper functioning of
society but when caring what other
people think affects our abilities to
make decisions for ourselves that's when
you need to pause and
reconsider you're a person with their
own thoughts ideas dreams and goals
don't let the fear of being disliked
hold you back from expressing that you
want to drop out of school to become a
comedian what would people think you
want to start a YouTube channel what
would people think you want to be with
someone from a different culture or
religion what would people think this
one question holds so many people back
from doing what they love it's like a
chain that binds our neck and leaves us
no room to breathe we're like circus
elephants held back by rope that might
only exist in our
imagination ultimate freedom is having
the courage to be disliked the boldness
to stand firm in what you believe in
even when the crowd is saying something
else the courage to stand when everyone
else is sitting and run when everyone
else is standing the courage to be your
authentic self regardless of what
everyone around you tells you to be
instead developing the courage to be
disliked is not easy remember that it's
in our nature to care what other people
think so to stray from that even
minutely would mean going against our
very own biology and that's never very
easy but the good news is is that we can
actually do it the first and most
important thing to realize is that
everyone just like you is worried about
their own insecurities when we go out
into the world we're often so consumed
with our own insecurities that we feel
like everyone else is thinking about us
and condemning us but the reality is
more often than not just like you people
are so worried about themselves that
they aren't really thinking about anyone
else and when they do speak out against
us they're often projecting their
insecurities on us trying to bring us
down to better about
themselves don't let them do that the
difference between ostracization in
early humans and what we have today is
that with the early humans it was only
your closest relatives and members of
your clan that could cast you out
however today because of social media
anyone and everyone can have an opinion
about us share that opinion and we're
forced to take notice of it the problem
with this is that we're taking criticism
from people we wouldn't take advice from
think about it if you wouldn't let this
Stranger in into your house for fear of
invading your privacy why would you let
them into your head the most private
place of
all sometimes the people judging you and
not letting you live your true potential
aren't strangers they're childhood
friends and relatives when that's the
case we need to remind ourselves that
the consequences of living outside the
group is not as Sinister as it used to
be you have the tools and resources to