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Assistant: Title: I Didn't Mean to Say I Do, but I Do. I Do.
        Author: schrijverr schrijverr 
        Chapter: 1/50 
        Summary: Years before joining the 118, Buck’s travels take him to El Paso, where he meets Christopher. When Eddie comes back from Afghanistan and Shannon leaves, Buck ends up staying. As bills pile up, the best move is for them to get married, just for convenience, they’ll divorce when Eddie comes back from his re-enlistment.Then Eddie gets injured and it’s just easier to stay married for a little longer, while Buck gets started at the 118. However, Buck doesn’t mention his ‘husband’ and kid, not feeling like they’re his to keep. When Eddie gets the offer from Bobby, they decide to lie and pretend they don’t know each other, so they can work together.The whole lie gets out of hand as feelings start to become real, until it all comes to a head in the aftermath of the fire engine explosion. AKA: Secret marriage of convenience buddie slow burn AU, where Buck and Eddie have been married for years so Buck could adopt Chris and no one at the 118 knows.
        Contents: Chapter 1: Prologue, Evan
    

    


      
        
          Warnings: referenced emotionally abusive parents, insecurity
            
            (See the end of the chapter for  more notes.)
            
      
  

  
  
    
    
  Evan meets Shannon on a Thursday. He has been working on the Johnson farm for a while already, but he’s usually on the actual farm instead of the small store they have. It’s a chicken farm. They mostly sell to big retailers, but people also buy eggs directly from them.

  It’s not a regular hours thing, most just wander in, knowing the Johnsons well enough to just call out and wait until someone comes to help them. No one locks their doors in these parts, something Evan has had to get used to, but he likes it.

  Today, the Johnsons are off visiting relations and have left Evan in charge for the week. He is quite proud of the trust they have in him.

  He’s out in the back when he hears the front door open and a young, feminine voice call out: “Mrs. Johnson? Are you home?”

  Evan pokes his head in, grinning when he spots the person the voice belongs to. She’s attractive, brunette with bangs, a pretty yellow sundress and something in her tired eyes that speaks of a life of mischief. He greets: “I’m no Mrs. Johnson, but I’m more than willing to help. I’m Evan. What can I do you for?”
“Oh, I’m Shannon,” the woman – Shannon – introduces herself after she worked through the surprise of him appearing. “Hi, Shannon,” he says, not minding that she didn’t answer his question, because that just means he gets to talk to her more. “Hi,” she replies, ducking her head and blushing. Evan can’t help but preen at that. This town hasn’t had much in form of entertainment, but a job for funds so he can continue on with his travels one day is nothing to sniff at. Still, this is a nice change of pace.“So, are you here just for Mrs. Johnson’s company or can I be a substitute?” he asks, giving her his most charming smile.
  That makes her laugh. “I actually came for some eggs, but I wouldn’t mind some company, if you can spare the time.”
“For a beautiful lady such as yourself, I can spare all the time,” Evan tells her. “Coffee? Or more a tea person.”“Definitely coffee,” Shannon says with a smile.“Alrighty,” Evan grins cheekily, giving her a wink as he goes to make them coffee.
  Soon, he’s putting down two steaming mugs as he sits down across from her at the table. She takes it with a sugar, but no milk. He waits until she has taken her first sip and smiled at him, before he asks: “So, is your egg shopping trip always a social call, or am I just special?”

  When he asks that, she sighs, her demeanor changing as she slumps into herself slightly, looking less lively than she had been earlier. “Buying eggs is my 
  
    only
  
  
     social call,” she tells him. “Being a single mom will do that to you.”
  

  
    Evan grimaces sympathetically at that. He has never had a child, but he was one and his two parents together had it rough raising him and Maddie, it must be hard doing it by yourself. “There isn’t anyone?”
  

  
    Shannon chuckles humorlessly. “There are my ex-in-laws, but they’re only concerned with judging me and telling me I’m a terrible mother and a terrible person. Like I didn’t already feel like that when serving my ex-husband with divorce papers while he’s in Afghanistan.”
  

  
    He is learning a lot about Shannon in a pretty short time and he can feel his eyebrows creeping up his forehead. Not in judgment, just surprise at all she’s sharing.
  

  
    Embarrassed Shannon hides her head in her hands as she groans: “I am so sorry, I totally didn’t mean to dump all that on you. God, I’m such a mess. 
  
  
    You
  
  
     must think I’m a mess.”
  
“It’s okay,” Evan assures her, meaning every word. “You obviously needed to get that off your chest.”“Ugh, you’re so nice about it too,” Shannon groans again. “First actual person outside Mrs. Johnson that I talk to and I’m totally awkward, but you’re totally nice. Just my luck.”“I’ll take it as a compliment,” Evan grins at her. “I used to be a bartender in Peru before I got here, I have the whole ‘open up to me’-vibe down. It’s actually quite nice to listen to other people’s problems.”
  
    At that she perks up. “Peru?” she asks. “What were you doing out there? And why on earth would you come here after that?”
  

  
    He shrugs easily: “I’m trying to find myself, I guess. Didn’t do that in Peru, so I’m trying here.”
  
“Is it working?”“Not really,” he laughs.“I could’ve told you that. Here is where you lose yourself,” she jokes, though she trails off at the end, voice becoming melancholic once more.“Well, I don’t mind being a little lost, if I’m doing it with you,” Evan replies, putting on his best flirting voice. She seems into him and he’s been craving some sort of interaction with anyone. 
  
    Mrs. Johnson can be kind of motherly, but she more smothers and judges, and there are some of the neighboring teens that help with collecting eggs in the mornings, but it’s not what he’s searching for. 
  

  
    He wants to have some fun, a bit of closeness, even if it’s just for a few minutes. He’s already lost, like he said and he wouldn’t mind getting lost in her instead of his own head. He truly thought the whole traveling thing would do more for him, but it hasn’t filled that empty void that is left by Maddie telling him to go all by himself.
  

  
    Indeed, she is into him. She tucks her hair behind her ear and gives him a glance through her lashes as she smiles shyly at him. “You’re a charmer,” she tells him. 
  
“I try,” he smirks.“As much as I would love to flirt some more with you – and trust me, I really do – I can’t. I haven’t found the time to shower in like a week, so I’m gross and sweaty and I’m pretty sure my dress has spit on it. Plus, I need to get home soon, before I am deemed even more of a horrible mother, so I really can’t,” she tells him, a little too honest but entirely apologetic. “My moment to myself for this week is almost over.”
  
    Evan feels sad at that, both for her and himself. 
  

  
    He’s actually quite enjoying their talk. It’s weird how much he likes to hear about the lives of others, even if they’re not great. Like, if he can absorb enough of others, give a listening ear, some comfort, he can feel better himself, give something to the world and hope it’ll give something back to him one day. 
  

  
    But he also feels sad for Shannon. He doesn’t know her well, he actually barely knows her at all, but it is clear she’s struggling. She doesn’t have a partner to help with her kid and it seems there is no one in her corner. This egg run is the only thing she has that is hers and even that is brief.
  
“Well,” he starts, getting up as she does, “I am more than happy to pack your eggs. On me. And if you need another moment to yourself, you can always come and seek me out. I’m more than happy to flirt with you some more or hear about your divorce and your horrible ex-in-laws.”“Really?” she chuckles, as if she thinks he’s joking.
  
    Completely sincerely, he answers: “Really. Plus, I love kids. If you ever want to bring yours, I’d love to meet them.”
  
“You do?” Now she sounds surprised, but hopeful.“I do,” he assures her. “What’s your kid’s name? How old are they?”“His name’s Christopher,” she answers. “He’s three.”“Sounds adorable,” Evan smiles. “Maybe you’ll meet him one day,” she says and it’s the best maybe he’s gotten in a while.“I’ll look forward to it,” he tells her, before clearing his throat and asking: “So, how many eggs may I gift you with, my lady.”
  
    She giggles at that, the gesture making her look youthful and more carefree than she is. She tells him she needs six, he gifts her eight, winking that it’ll be their secret. They say goodbye and as she goes, he waves at her, hoping he’ll see her again.
  

  
    He doesn’t hold out much hope, no one ever seems to come back for him. However, next Thursday, he finds her there again, this time calling out for him, instead of Mrs. Johnson.
  

  
    It becomes their thing, the Thursday egg chats. 
  

  
    Evan learns more about Christoper, who she 
  
  
    tries to care for
  
  
    , even though she feels like she’s drowning. He learns about Helena and Ramon, the ex-in-laws, who hover and scold and are itching to rip her baby away from her. And he learns about Eddie. Eddie, the ex-husband.
  

  
    The way Shannon talks about Eddie surprises him. With how her relation is with her ex-in-laws and the fact she divorced him while he is deployed, he expected some resentment, or ill words for the father of her child. Especially when Evan is the only person she talks to, who doesn’t know him and isn’t automatically in his camp. But that isn
  
  
    ’t the case.
  

  
    Instead, she paints a picture of a boy, who had convinced himself he loved her, but who she couldn’t believe, because he kept running. He tries to be a good father, a good husband, over video calls, but she can tell he cares more about Chris than her and she just can’t. She couldn’t. So, she left, but she can’t go. She is still here, still stuck with Chris and her horrible ex-in-laws.
  

  
    He expected more resentment for the man that got her pregnant at 
  
  
    eighteen and a mom at nineteen
  
  
     and 
  
  
    then 
  
  
    trapped her in this town, but she just feels bittersweet about how it ended. That it had to end. That they couldn’t have the future together that they wanted.
  

  
    During this visits, they keep flirting, never going any further. Shannon doesn’t have the time to have a quick f@ck somewhere and with Mr. and Mrs. Johnson returned, Evan also doesn’t really have a place to offer, unless they wanna risk getting caught in the hay loft. Neither of them are too old for it, but both don’t wish to face Mrs. Johnson like that.
  

  
    So, it’s just flirting, just fun. 
  

  
    Evan misses the physical closeness of s@x, but he 
  
  
    has
  
  
     also missed the emotional closeness of a friendship and what he has with Shannon is an actual friendship. A flirty friendship, but a friendship nonetheless.
  

  
    It’s quite nice to have that connection. Makes staying in El Paso better than it had been when he first got stranded here. He likes what he and Shannon have. She gets him like no one else here gets him.
  

  
    She’s a transplant like he is, she doesn’t fit in this small town where everyone knows everyone and every bit of personal business is town business. She doesn’t think this town is where her entire life should be, for her it’s a stop, much like it is to him. When they have the means, they’re going to get out of here and they might not know exactly who they are or where they’ll go, but they know that there is more than this, that they can be someone. Someone that matters.
  

  
    Therefore, he is more than happy to have this connection with her, to make her laugh and make her feel her age and let her forget about everything for a few minutes. 
  

  
    This changes two months into their little arrangement. It’s Thursday, so Evan is hanging around the front of the farm more than usual, waiting for Shannon under the watchful eyes of Mrs. Johnson.
  

  
    She usually gets there between breakfast and lunch, but lunch has already come and she hasn’t shown up yet. Of course, she is allowed to deviate from her normal schedule and it’s not like she promised to come, but Evan still worries.
  

  
    So, maybe he is looking around for her, not doing his job as well as he should and maybe he perks up when she shows up, hurrying her way as he grins: “Shannon!” 
  

  
    He notices she startles at his voice, looking at him in wide eyes as if she’d been trying to avoid him seeing her. He then also notices she is carrying a small boy. Christopher, his mind supplies. Unsure of how to act, he slows down slightly, looking at the boy. He is adorable with little curls on his head and thick glasses strapped to his face. Unable to help himself, he smiles at him and says: “And you must be Christopher.”
  

  
    Shannon looks surprised now, then a little apprehensive. “You don’t mind that I brought him? I couldn’t find a sitter and Ramon and Helena are out of town. A cousin’s wedding.”
  
“Of course I don’t mind,” Evan says, turning to Christopher again and slightly raising his pitch: “How could I mind meeting such an adorable little guy, huh? You’re helping your mom out today, buddy?”
  
    Christopher smiles up at him, bright and filled with joy in the way only a child can. A little clumsily, he says: “Hello.”
  
“Hello,” Evan says back. “I’m Evan.”“Evan,” Christopher repeats.“Yeah, that’s right! Good job,” Evan grins. He gives Shannon a look: “So, the speech therapy helping like you’d hoped?”
  
    Shannon is just staring at him like he’s crazy, blinking into the present when she’s addressed as she quickly says: “Uh, y- yeah, yeah it is.”
  
“Are you okay?” he asks, frowning slightly. “I’m fine, thank you,” she laughs awkwardly, tucking her hair behind her ear with her free hand. “I- it’s just that you’re really good with him.” She bounces Christopher, who giggles at the action. “Most guys think they’re into the whole mom thing until they actually see the kid.”“It’s that why you haven’t brought him before?” Evan asks, slightly offended. He can’t believe she thought he’d drop her if he actually saw the kid. He has listened to her b@tch about her divorce, why would that be okay, but meeting this ray of sunshine not?
  
    The guilty look in her eyes tells him the answer to that, but out of her mouth comes: “No, of course not, this little guy just used to nap before. He’s, uhm- he’s grown out of that now.”
  

  
    Evan eyes her suspiciously, but doesn’t want to pick a fight in front of the kid. So he just ignores her and smiles at Christopher again, cooing: “Well, aren’t you all grown up,” much to the boy’s delight, who kicks his legs making Shannon wince when she gets hit by a stray foot.
  

  
    She looks tired, her smile slightly forced. Evan immediately feels a little guilty about snapping at her, even if the sting of rejection is still fresh on his skin. As a peace offering, he says: “Want me to hold him so you can properly pick the eggs you want? I’m sure Christopher would love to meet some of the chickens.”
  

  
    Indeed Shannon gives him a grateful look as she hands Christopher over. He looks a little apprehensive about being thrust into the arms of this new guy, but with his history of physical therapy and being behind in the walking department, he is more than used to it and settles in pretty quickly when Evan sends him a big grin.
  

  
    That afternoon they don’t flirt, but Shannon does stay longer than she normally does.
  

  
    Evan introduces Christopher to some of the chickens, holding his sides as he kneels behind him so he can stand on wobbly legs and let the chickens peck at him. He watches him giggle as his heart melts, uncoordinated hands trying to pet the chickens that get scared off, until Evan catches one and holds it with one arm as he guides Christopher’s hand with the other, so he can actually pet him.
  

  
    Shannon drifts among the chickens with an empty carton for her eggs, picking out her own as she hums under her breath. Sometimes she looks back at him and Christopher, smiling when he catches her eye.
  

  
    It’s nice in a different way, Evan thinks. 
  

  
    Shannon keeps to herself, which is a little bit of a downer, but Evan can’t blame her. This is her moment alone, but now Christopher is also with her. He is a bright boy, managing to babble his heart out and make Evan’s day, but he can imagine that’s different when you spend every moment with him, not just the excitement of doing something new.
  

  
    He, on the other hand, doesn’t mind spending time with Christopher at all. He can still enjoy the view that is Shannon and get his dose of interaction with someone other than the Johnsons and the surly housewives of El Pas
  
  
    o
  
  
     in Christopher. Still, nice in a different way isn’t the same kind of nice and he misses talking to Shannon slightly.
  

  
    However, there is some leftover guilt churning in his gut about him snapping at her earlier and he has enjoyed his time with the kid, so he doesn’t mention that to her when they say their goodbyes, parting for the week.
  

  
    After that she comes over more often, buying less eggs when she comes by to justify coming more than once.
  

  
    Sometimes she’s by herself and it is like before, but more and more often she’ll bring Christopher along with her. On some days, she enjoys hanging out with Evan and Christopher, going around the farm to play with the chickens, other days she enjoys exploring on her own, having some time for herself as Evan keeps Christopher occupied.
  

  
    Evan doesn’t mind too much. It’s clear she needs the break and Chris has become his best buddy, so it isn’t a hardship. When she is there alone, they still flirt, but Evan is starting to think that it is never going to go anywhere. At least, not until Eddie comes back. Despite their divorce, she seems to be waiting for him anyway, as if she needs to talk to him, before she can move on.
  

  
    He doesn’t blame her. He doesn’t know what it’s like to have a kid with a guy who is halfway across the world, to divorce him, because he doesn’t love you and not be able to really talk to him about it. 
  

  
    So he lets her have what she can take and wonders if he can take her hating him if he moves away before she can move on, even though he knows – deep inside he knows – that he’s gotten attached to her, to Chris. That he is clinging like he clings to everyone, taking what she offers, because it is more than he has.
  

  
    At four and a half months of knowing each other, things shift again. She shows up at the farm late in the afternoon. It is time for a break and Evan is sitting on the porch, enjoying the sun shining on his face, when she comes stumbling out of the car, Chris on her hip.
  

  
    She drops the boy in his lap, already talking a mile a minute: “I am so sorry to ask you this randomly, but can you please, please, watch Chris for a few hours. I promise I’m going to be back, but Helena has been smothering me and I already have a headache, because I have a toothache and a spot opened up at the dentist out of the blue today and I just want to take care of this without feeling like I’m the size of an ant, even though-”
  
“Hey, hey,” he interrupts her, sending her his best assuring smile. “It’s okay. Go to the dentist, Shannon. I’ll watch Superman over here.” He bounces Chris in his lap.“Are you sure?” she checks, while she’s already backing away. She knows just as he does that he isn’t going to say no.“I’m sure, now go,” he shoos her off.
  
    She leaves quickly after that, leaving him with Chris on the porch. He looks down on him and Chris looks up at him, expression open and trusting. Chris is always happy to see him, Chris doesn’t know better than Evan being the coolest person around, who lets him do the big boy things his grandparents say no to and tosses him around like mommy can’t. Chris is upset when they have to go home again when he’s having fun with Evan.
  

  
    Right now, Evan doesn’t know what to think. He has gone from having a flirty thing with Shannon, to being her friend, to being Chris’s friend, to being her support, to an emergency babysitter. He isn’t sure if that’s an upgrade.
  

  
    Chris smiles at him and says: “Evan, chickies?” and Evan’s heart bursts. 
  
  
    Definitely an upgrade.
  
“Of course we can go see the chickes, buddy,” he tells him warmly, getting up and swinging Chris in a large swoop until he’s on his shoulders, making sure to hold him tight, so he won’t fall. 
  
    As Chris laughs at the action, Evan finds himself smiling wide. He might be clinging to Shannon, unsure if she’ll ever be able to fill that void entirely, even if it’ll only be for a moment, but he doesn’t regret it. Not when there is Chris. Chris, who never gets tired of seeing him, who always wants to hang out with him, who fills that void in a way Even never thought about.
  

  
    Mrs. Johnson shakes her head disapprovingly when she spots him with Chris. She, like much of the town, doesn’t trust Shannon much and she has especially taken a dislike to Evan’s friendship with her. It hurts a bit, but he is used to disappointing mothers, so he takes it in stride. 
  

  
    When Shannon comes back from her appointment, she gives him a kiss on the cheek in thanks. It is the most he’s ever got, but he can’t fully enjoy it, too sad that she can’t stay after and will take Chris with her when she goes.
  

  
    He calls after her not to be a stranger and that Chris was a trooper, hoping she’ll let him babysit again. 
  

  
    She does.
  

  
    In the weeks after, he sees Chris more often. Though these times she actually coordinates with him beforehand, so he can take the time off to spend time with him. She doesn’t explain why she’s dropping him off and Evan doesn’t ask. He figures she prefers him as a babysitters to her ex-in-laws, who have so much to say about her. He doesn’t blame her for that.
  

  
    Then, four weeks into this new dynamic, she shows up alone on a Thursday when Evan is working, much like the first time she came. She asks for some coffee and Evan brews it for her, noticing she doesn’t entirely seem like herself.
  

  
    He sets down the mug in front of her, lowering himself into the seat across from her. Once they’re both drinking their beverage, he asks: “So, wanna tell me what’s going on? Chris with his grandparents today?”
  
“Yeah, they’re at the airport. Uhm, they’re- they’re picking Eddie up today,” she drops the bombshell on him. “He’s done with his service. Didn’t feel like having our first conversation in months there. He should greet his son and parents. His family.”
  
    Evan’s mind spins at the information that has just been hurled at him and what that means. Shannon might finally get her closure. Chris will get to see his daddy again. The awful ex-in-laws will get their son back. It will be a reunion with a man Evan doesn’t know, but whose life he has become intertwined with. 
  

  
    Eddie Diaz is home and Evan isn’t sure where that will leave him.
  

  
  

    
      
        
        
          Love the idea that no matter what, Buck will fall into accidental co-parents about Chris with a Diaz, very iconic of him <3Edit: it has been pointed out to me that El Paso is, in fact, not a small town. I should have googled that, but I didn't and discovered this too late, so for this fic, we're going to have to live with small town El Paso, I am so sorry. Though in my defense, I am not USAmerican and my school system didn't teach me about it xp (sorry, I had to lmao)'
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