can you paraphrase this and re order it to make sense and not random Please correct the post that I will right on reddit. Hey everyone! I'm a 21 year old boy who thinks he has not done anything in life. I'm short 5'3-5'4 and this is biggest of the factor of my low confidence.People have told me that I look good and have a great personality but only if I was taller, things would have been different. I'm very less social. I find it hard to talk with new people. And I think it wasn't like this before 2021. In my highschool Igot asked out by a girl (she was taller than me) and at start I was a bit hesitant and didn't like that girl much but later only I got attached and it was really hard to spend my time without talking to her. But after a year when my school got over and she got into a college and I took a drop. She just decided not to be with me anyone And I was broken. It was not sudden she had multiple times said that she want to get over with it. Even though I was sad and depressed i just let her go but after some times she would come back and apologize and the same thing would happen. Atlast I got fed, i deleted every social media so that I would have no option to talk to her. And wrote a mail saying goodbye and ending things. After this I was depressed, used to cry a lot. I stopped seeing and talking to my friends.I started thinking negatively and down talked about myself. I felt every decision i made was wrong and every time she came back i shouldn't have talked to her. And from this point everything fell like domino. I lost my mother in COVID. I really loved her. She and papa were the only thing that made me happy.  And after she left everything changed. I was in a rock bottom. it was really hard to wake up every morning and realise that my ma isn't with me anymore.  Thinking about her still makes me cry till now. In all this, i couldn't study much and didn't got decent percentile to get a good college. But few of my friends that I was still taking to were going to some xyz college. So I decided to join too. And things were like just going on. I'm in my 6th semester now in a 4 year course. Didn't develop any skills. Only after my 5th semester I made some friends who encouraged me to start coding. And I did start but I'm not consistent.

I do get phone calls from that girl and I do recieve them. The main reason of writing this post is this only. Yesterday I got a call from her she told me about how she got place as SDE at a handsome package. She had already told me about the relationships she got into after me( when she first told me it was just 2-3 months after I wrote that mail) and is now in a relationship whom she plans to settle down with it.
We talked about many things and our schedule and all it made me feel useless. Like she has got placed and is in her last sem. She also got an internship from Microsoft earlier. And yeah she used to work and study a lot, so I think iit was natural. But I'm not just comparing with her but all my other friends got placed too in good companies. They made new friends and here Im stuck don't know where to go what to do. I just waste time doing nothing and I also became porn and masturbation addict like I used to do it multiple times in a day. I have been trying to get rid of this bad habit but hasn't not successful.

The only thing I could I had spend time on is running. That's the only thing that makes me escape from this world. After I complete my 5k or sometimes 10k it makes feel so happy that I couldn't describe but yeah consistency is also  problem here


I like being praised  and acknowledged.(everyone does). And just want that I whatever I do, I must be good at it. I could earn enough to fulfill my family's needs. I don’t have any special hobbies or interests. I don’t care about branded clothes even though dressing well is another thing, bikes, or cars. Also I don't have much interestest in traveling.
Sometimes I do like solving Rubik’s cubes, like 3x3 or 4x4, so I sometimes ge