What is my problem? Today is June 20, 2023; and, I will try my best to explain my own circumstance(s) since the problem originated: My name is James, and I am a rising Junior (Tenth Grader Entering Eleventh Grade) -- and high school has not been too great for me since the second semester of freshman year (ninth grade). When I entered the ninth grade, I was a very prolific person and wrote powerful, persuasive essays---writing was a testament to my skill and ability; and thus was my math, albeit I did make silly, nonchalant and nonsensical errors from time-to-time. However, my English grades were a strong point and I had had indefitagible strength with it. However, around December 2021, I suddenly began to complain about my writing skill. My ideas were harder to captivate; yet, I could avoid these issues and elude them efficiently. They were tolerable; and my writing was still on-par -- great and fantastical. However, suddenly around early December 2021, I lost my ability to write. I sat down onto a comfortable chair, with everything in position; however, no matter how much force (nor motivation) was spurred, I never had had the talent (again) to manage such excellent writing pieces. I ran out of motivation and began to struggle. Much to my dismay, I felt lazy and lethargic from it. But, what saved me was simple: there was winter break. I thought I had been O.K.; perhaps I was burnt out, but my mind foreshadowed otherwise (after all -- it doesn't make any sense for a ninth grade to suffer from burn out -- especially since, for most, it occurs during their senior year (12th grade)). After winter break, I realized this problem was not just mutually exclusive to english and writing: it was to every criteria. I was not as humorous as before, and I felt more 'dead'. My jokes were not as funny; nor could I think of as much ideas as I could beforehand. No amount of compensate beared witness -- as a testimony- -- to my previous skillset which I possessed; ergo, I began to work last second on every assignment, just before I'd get the assignments late. My teachers' caught me for such and severerly reprimanded me for my laziness around Mid-April 2022. I began feeling melancholy, because no matter how much effort I put into my work, it would never be as much as I would hope or need. I would struggle---and my laziness seemingly grew. My parents, much to my dismay, did not know what to do and reprimanded me -- because they thought it was psychological; I don't know if it is -- but, I do know one thing: they said that, even if it was, there was nothing they could do -- and therefore, complaining was useless. So, I succumbed to agony and misery throughout Summer Break with a minor form of incessant melancholy -- albeit, I dreamt of my returnal to my writing skill. Oh, how much I succeeded at the first semester of ninth grade! I dare say, to this day, it was the most improvement I have ever, ever had in my skill! But all of it -- somehow, was thrown into waste; and I yearn for such to return to this day. Summer break loomed, as said beforehand for the months of June to Early August 2020. I did not indulge in any writing in this period -- under the pretense that distracting myself from writing would help cure the condition; after all, I was very, very desperate. My parents did not care -- and were tired of my inexhaustible gloom and miseries of a near-formidable grade collapse in the second semester. But a very taint motivation begun appearing for the first semester of tenth grade around August 2022, when the school year begun. I begun taking full honors courses, and I had difficulties as before. They were a bit more manageable, but there was no tangible difference in my writing performance; and, as I dare say, it was the same as before when the issues started--and this would persist as I begun to cheat on assignments to save my grade. But, I found solace in a simple thing: while I struggled with anything involving writing, I suddenly begun improving with math; the very thing which I hated since pre-algebraic introduction in the sixth grade (2019) due to math anxiety faded--I was excellent! I began working on that to "soothe my wounds", but the transition was detestable and, in my opinion, wasn't as worthwhile as adeptness in English. One day around Late October to Early November 2022, I was assigned with a literary critique essay, which I knew would happen because of my elder classmates last year, who asked me for help on such before my writers' block. (I obliged at the time in 2021, during my first semester of ninth grade, but I felt jealous of how skillful they were in 2021; and this might have, maybe might have caused my motivation to dwindle and all my creativity, consequently). Days and days before I began writing, I just couldn't; no ideas were in fruition -- nothing; not even cheating could suffice. But, on the last day before it was due, I began "forcing" my creativity out and it worked: it was the best piece of writing I had ever written! It was a success -- the best I had ever seen! A phD level of glory and love; and this was relished by my peers and my teachers; and another assignment arose in November to December 2022: a 'scene' I must write of a story narrative; and such I did, which was great as well, but it was from likely Eustress, lovely and taint in all demeanor -- wrote in one go with minor editing meant to suffice my will. It was looking great, and my writing skill began to cultivate; but this blitz ended immediately after the Winter Break (First Semester) of my tenth grade, from December 2022 to January 2023. It ended; and I was right back to where I started. Fortunately, CHATGPT was invented at this time, so I used that to help in all my writing assignments afterward -- and I didn't care; and I didn't have timed essays at the time, which is great (and still don't; but I will in the eleventh grade). Fortunately, I managed to pass with straight-As' and go on, and now, it is summer break. I don't have any ideas, and I think I am in a worse-off spot than I was before. I yearn for my creative attributes -- and especially of the excellences int he brief lapses of non-creativity into creativity! Honestly, I refuse to believe i wrote the excellent essay and story, and I wish I could retrieve them. You know--with all the blood and soul poured into all the works; I wish I could retrieve them back; and I aspire! And that's what I inquire from you: why is this happening; and how could i fix it? I want my former glory, especially that of the quality where I wrote my story scene narrative and my essay. The best I had ever done! I want it consistent! I want to know how! It's not just forcing it which works; I only feel tainted and melancholic -- with nothing happening, but just stagnation; but those, were rare moments, lapses of not having creativity into endless bubbles of creativity filled with perfectionism. I ask you!