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Assistant: Title: Cerulean eyes for the damaged soul
        Author: loveshazel undefined 
        Chapter: 26/32 
        Summary: "I'll stitch you up when you are back to consciousness" she mumbled, completely wrapped up in the dressing of the wound. So much so that she did not notice the voice that addressed her, at first.
  A female voice with a very distinct American accent. The voice sounded exhausted, parched, low, but strong. "If you're talking to me, you're going to have to speak English sweetheart" Caitlyn's eyes widened as she looked up from dressing the wound and cerulean eyes found the greyest ones she had ever seen, sending a rush through her that she was unfamiliar with.  Then, Caitlyn spoke.  English this time, laced with a light French accent. "I told you your wound would need to be stitched up when you were to wake" she simply informed her, ignoring how heart her started pounding yet again. orDuring the summer of 1943, Caitlyn rescues US Air Force pilot Violet McAdams from a plane wreck in the French country side, and decides to hide her on her farm to allow her wounds to heal properly.Neither of them in prepared for the romance that follows this foolish, yet courageous decision.
        Contents: Chapter 26: Washed upon shore
    

    


      
        
          I've included the lyrics to a song that fits this chapter beautifully, so I am linking it here in case any of you want to listen to it before, during or after the chapter!If you have seen the series Poldark then you definitely know this song, but I am in love with it and could not stop thinking of how well it fit this chapter, so here you go: https://open.spotify.com/track/1xhRmuaqA4hfXeyo5VsMeo?si=a05a378fdd304d4bFor those who are curious, the song is named  I'd pluck a fair rose  and is composed by Anne Dudley (check out her music because it's stunning and she composes for a lot of period drama series)Now, on with the story!
      
  

  
  
    
    
  I'd a pluck a fair rose for my love
  
I'd a pluck a red rose blowin'
Love's in my heart, I'm tryin' so to prove
What you heart's knowin'
The door of the Kiramman residence slammed with rage as the haste footsteps of Violet McAdams led her down the three stone steps and towards the gate. The pain in her side was hastily forgotten as her calloused right hand ripped open the gate and allowed her access to the busy street. In the middle of the day, the streets were crowded with men and women going about their day. Every now and then, one would not even notice a war was raging.

After spending so many months in hiding, in a country that was slowly burning to the ground, there was nothing more strange than arriving in an uninvaded world. She’d almost forgotten what it felt like to roam the streets without fear that you might find a bullet in the back of your head moments later.

Impatient and determined, Violet’s feet made their way to her destination. Without any money in her possession, she could not take a vehicle there, so she decided to walk. A choice she thoroughly regretted about three streets into the journey.

Her head was pounding and her wound whining, but her mind determined to reach her goal. She knew her route, knew the steps to take, but her feet were dragging by the time she was halfway there.

To distract herself from the pain, she let her mind wander. And of course it wandered to Caitlyn. The woman whose heart she did not deserve after what she had put her through, after the danger Violet had put her in. And she had been so kind about it. All Violet had wanted was for Caitlyn to scream back, to tell her to go to hell and that she never wanted to see her again. Because that is what Violet believed she deserved after the things she had put Caitlyn through. She did not deserve the love and the affection that Caitlyn, annoyed as she had been though, had shown her.

As the streets became more familiar and the buildings started to seem like ones she had seen before, thoughts of Caitlyn’s kind eyes and soft smile were pushed from her mind and replaced with that cloud of frustration that had been there before. A large, familiar building doomed up in front of her.

Her feet started carrying her a bit faster, wanting to find rest inside the building as she would probably be offered a seat once she arrived. She pushed through, opening the door to the building where men in uniforms and suits walked in and out – busying themselves with work or their every-day business.

Violet found the front desk with ease, she had been there before after all, and approached with a hastened step. Her healing wound was not treating her kindly and she would take any opportunity to lean on something or sit down when possible.

As she made it to the desk, the woman glanced up – polite smile on her dull face – and greeted her with a kind “good afternoon Miss, how may I assist you today?”

“I need to speak to-“ Violet caught herself before finishing her sentence, unsure of whom exactly she was searching for. “I need to speak to whoever is in charge of the army. Tell them a missing pilot has returned”

“Did you have an appoint-“

“Listen ma’am” Violet interrupted her, hand slammed on the desk and the other on her side in hopes to calm the screaming wounded flesh. She was vastly losing her patience and though the woman could not be blamed, she was not helping either. “Get me whoever is in charge, I must speak to them. Appointment be d@mned”

Apparently the direct approach that Violet was taking frightened the secretary enough to immediately pick up the horn of the phone on her desk and dial a number. Brits were too sensitive sometimes, they never cut to the chase and when you were the one doing it for them, they got overwhelmed. It was a miracle anyone got anything done in this country where no one got to the point, ever.

As the secretary spoke in hushed tones to whoever was on the other side of the line, Violet leaned against the desk to relief some of the tension on her hip. The doctor had warned her not to be too active. Yet here she was, doing the exact opposite of what she had been recommended to do. She could hardly help it, she was not one to sit around and do nothing. Especially in the middle of a war and with more pressing matters at hand than sleeping in and sipping tea.

“Miss?”

Violet’s head snapped to the secretary as the woman put down the phone.

“You’re expected in room 237. It’s on the second floor, take a right and down the hallway to your left”

While climbing two flights of stairs was not the ideal activity for someone who had their kidney removed just days before, Violet knew she did not have much of a choice. Besides, she was not going to take an elevator, she was not a lame duck.

Once again, she dragged herself away from the desk, nodding at the secretary as she muttered a soft “thank you” and went on a quest to find room 237. The embassy was a maze if ever there was one and with so many people walking around these hallways, it was not the easiest to find where one was expected. After those horrifying flights of stairs, Violet found herself panting slightly as she took a right and walked into the large marble hallway with doors on each side.

The numbers were proudly displayed on gold plaques, which was useful considering every door looked identical to the one across from and beside it.

234, 235, 236, 237.

Violet took a deep breath as she stopped in front of the door that was the only thing between her and her future. What would be decided in this room would determine what was going to happen in the foreseeable future, and Violet was suddenly unsure of her fate.

Nevertheless, it was too late to turn back now. So she raised her fist and let a determined knock be the sound that echoed through the marble hallway as she waited for the door to be opened and her future to be decided.

Only several seconds later, the door opened and revealed a man with black, slicked black hair and a rather notable moustache of which the ends were curled up. The small, round glasses perched up on his nose were making his face appear more round than it actually was, and the uniform he wore was heavily decorated with medals. Violet recognized quite a few and immediately determined that this was a rather important man in the army.

His first words, however, were disappointing.

“When Angela told me she was sending a missing pilot to my office, she neglected to tell me that she was sending up a woman”

Violet’s neutral expression turned into a slight scowl at the belittling words that she had gotten so used to over time. Working in a field with all male colleagues often meant laughing along with jokes on your expense and swallowing your pride when hearing discriminating commentary about yourself.

“My name is <PRESIDIO_ANONYMIZED_PERSON>. My plane crashed in the French countryside in July of this year, I presume I have been missing in action ever since” was her answer, hands behind her back and shoulders straight to show the man the respect he deserved at his rank.

The uniform-clad man now seemed slightly more intrigued. “My, that is rather a mouthful isn’t it?” he seemed to come to his own conclusions as he gave Violet’s words another thought and nodded “step into my office and we will discuss it further”

Violet nodded as she stepped inside and walked over to the desk to sit in the chair across from it as the man behind her closed the door. While he introduced himself in the mean time, Violet hardly paid any attention to the rank he mentioned or the name he had been assigned at birth. She could not hold back a soft sigh as she finally sat down. It allowed some pressure to be taken off her wound and it felt like she could breathe again for the first time in an hour.

“Tell me your name again. Was it Violet?”

“Violet McAdams sir, I have been flying for the army for several months now” Violet shifted in her seat as the man, a General - Violet could now make out of the patches on his shoulders, sat down in his own chair at his desk. He pulled open a drawer, looked through some files, then opened another one and did the same thing.

The action repeated itself for three more drawers in a cabinet by his desk, until he found the file he was looking for and laid it open on his desk.

From what Violet could see from her position, it was her file. With her name bold on the front page, photograph of her first day in the army next to it, and a large red stamp on it that told the General that she was, indeed, missing in action.

“You’ve been gone for a while McAdams” he told her as he looked through the papers in her file. “Says here that you were reported missing in July, as you just told me. Officer Talis, undercover around the area where your plane crashed, was informed of your situation. It has been reported that he checked on the wreckage, but that no body of the pilot could be found. Communication ran dead after that” the General’s dark eyes glared up from the file as he put the papers down and sat back in his chair. “Would you care to explain how you end up in my office, months after that crash and why Officer Talis isn’t with you?”

Violet shifted once again, since her wound played up if she stayed in one position for too long, and nodded as she started her explanation. “I was rescued by a local. She saw the crash, noticed I was alive when she arrived at the scene, and took me into her home. She nursed me back to health and kept me hidden from the Germans”

“And the name of this woman is?”

“Caitlyn Kiramman – Dubois, sir”

The man nodded as he wrote several things down in a notebook, of which one Caitlyn’s full name. “Was Officer Talis the one who brought you here?”

Violet swallowed thickly, a memory flashing by of Jayce’s body, run-through with bullets, was dragged out onto the street, and she shook her head. “Caitlyn did. Jayce tried to get me to safety, but we were betrayed and he was killed.”

“I see” more details were written down as the General showed little emotion to the news that Jayce would not be returning to the force. Perhaps because he had been reported of so many deaths that one more hardly mattered. “That solves the mystery surrounding Officer Talis’ MIA case. Continue, and do not leave out a single detail”

Considering there were several months to cover, it took Violet an hour and a half to explain everything that had happened and all they had lived through. The General had called in his secretary right before Violet started, so she could record all of it and type it out immediately.

By the time Violet concluded her story, her head was screaming from the endless sound of the typewriter. The man on the other side of the desk did not let too much emotion shine through in his expression. He asked quite a few questions, but let Violet tell her story for the most part.

While she had told him the events that had occurred the past several months, she let out any detail on her relationship with Caitlyn. She merely let it slip that they had developed a fragile friendship, but did not venture into more than that. She could not help but feel saddened when she thought of what she already knew, that she could never truly be free with Caitlyn.

They could live a life together, but not in the manner that Violet truly desired. Perhaps her crippling guilt was trying to tell her something in regards to her relationship with Caitlyn. Perhaps it never had been meant to be, and all that had happened was to drift them apart, because the unnatural occurrence of their relationship.

What woman desired another woman the way Violet desired her Caitlyn? She knew of none. Perhaps because there were none other, and they were sick to have such feelings for each other. At least, that was what Violet kept telling herself when that guilt seeped into her veins once again.

“Thank you for your testimony on what has happened the past several months McAdams” the General responded after Violet wrapped up her story. “There are several things we offer to soldiers who return to us after going missing. Considering your current state, I would suggest that going back into the army is not happening any time soon”

Violet nodded as the General vaguely gestured to the manner in which she was clutching her side. “There is an option to stay here and work for the embassy, you’ll be assigned an office job and still work for the army. It’ll simply be more… well, perhaps more befitting a woman”

The comment stung Violet slightly. She’d been underestimated by men her entire life, but after sharing the past several months with this General, she had expected a bit more respect than what she was being shown.

She remained quiet as the General continued.

“Or” he tapped his pen on her file as he spoke, making Violet’s head pound even harder “we will provide you with a ticket to New York, securing you safe passage back home”

The tap of the pen stopped as swiftly as Violet’s heart did at the thought of going back to New York. It had played on her mind, of course, but this was the first time it could be translated into a reality.

A reality that meant one of two things. New York with Caitlyn. Or New York without Caitlyn.

The first option made her heart beat faster and her guilt rip her apart. The second option broke her.

Meaning there was no perfect outcome that would fit this scenario. Taking Caitlyn to New York meant that she would have to leave everything and everyone behind. Her parents, her aunt, the familiar streets of London – it would all be exchanged for the smelly streets of Brooklyn, fire escapes down the back of apartment buildings and an accent far more harsh than her own.


  And was Violet worth all of that?


There was a part of her that wanted to believe that all they needed was the love they had for each other, and all else would be okay. But that wasn’t the reality, was it? She had nothing in Brooklyn. She had gone into the army when her adoptive parents had decided to move across the country after the death of their two biological sons. They had not meant for Violet to come along. They’d been careful not to say it out loud, but there was never a plan for her to be allowed to stick around after their real children were killed mere weeks into being sent off to fight in the war.

All she had were the clothes on her back and the small salary she had made in the army, not nearly enough to secure a room for more than a week. What was she putting Caitlyn through by taking her away from her family and everything she knew?

Caitlyn would come along, Violet was sure of that. She was a dreamer, that woman, but Violet was not. Not in the ways that mattered. Where Caitlyn would probably promise to stay by her side, to get through it together, Violet knew that it only took one or two badly times arguments for their love to fall apart. She’d grown up seeing it all around her.

Love only lasted as long as you were willing to fight for it. And Violet knew no one who had ever fought for it long enough to actually last.

“Can I think about it?” Violet managed to mutter as her mind spun in all different directions. Stay. Go. Leave with Caitlyn. Leave without Caitlyn. Stay and work an office job. Leave and roam the streets of Brooklyn. Stay and love Caitlyn until Caitlyn inevitably would grow bored of her. Leave and love Caitlyn until Caitlyn would inevitably grow bored of her…

“Of course” the General nodded “I will inform you though that there is a ship leaving for New York tomorrow around noon. I will book you a ticket, should you decide to go, so you have some time to decide. The next ship won’t be leaving in another month or two”

“I understand” Violet mumbled as she pushed herself up from the chair. “Am I dismissed?”

“You are, I will check with the ticket office tomorrow to see if you have left. Should you go back to New York, it is important that you inform the military office there of your arrival. If you choose to stay, please report back to the embassy” the General informed her as he rose form his seat as well and offered her his outstretched hand. “Good luck McAdams”

“Thank you Sir” Violet forced a smile on her face as she reached out and shook the General’s hand before turning her back to him and promptly leaving his office.

She let her feet carry her through the busy streets of London as her mind ran over the options laid before her. To stay or to leave. It was simple as that. Except it felt like she was deciding on life or death. There was no right answer. No perfect manner of this working out. The only thing she could do now was pick. Pick and hope that she would make the right decision…
  I'd a pluck a finger on a thorn
  
I'd a pluck a finger bleedin'
Red is my heart, wounded and forlorn
And your heart needin'

It had taken Caitlyn about fifteen minutes to find Violet after she had returned home that night. She had gone up immediately, head as heavy as her heart, and crawled into bed to give her exhausted body the slightest bit of relief. There was too much weighing on her and the first thing she had to tackle was whether or not she would inform Caitlyn of what she had done that afternoon.

Lucky for Violet, she did not have to make a decision because the conversation took a drastic turn once Caitlyn showed a side of her that was too kind for Violet to handle. She had not met another human being who had treated her with as much love and kindness as Caitlyn had, and she did not know how to handle herself in a situation like that. So she did what she knew to do best.

She ran. Literally and figuratively.

Like a coward.

Their argument had shattered Violet’s heart to pieces and left nothing of what it had once been. Because of her own cowardly behaviour, Caitlyn had broken down and informed her of everything that she had been through and how Violet had not bothered to ask her about it and had not been there for her.

Perhaps that was where Caitlyn started chipping away at her fragile heart. With each word that followed, another small piece of her died. It broke her to realise that she had indeed not been there for Caitlyn as she had been there for Violet. That she had been so wrapped up in her own guilt and her own hurt to ask Caitlyn about the burdens she was carrying.

It had all collapsed when her former lover had taken it upon herself to finish any hope Violet had left of there being a future for them, in turn making it easier for her to decide what to do about the offer from the General.


  “I wish you would have never come back Violet”


Those nine words echoed throughout the night without sleep. They echoed when she got out of bed the next morning and ripped a page from a notebook she had found in one of the drawers of the desk in her room. It echoed when she wrote Caitlyn that note, explaining that this was what was best for both of them and that she understood the hurt she had put Caitlyn through.

While she wrote the note, her cheeks stained with familiar tears as her fingers trembled. Was she being a coward for leaving without saying goodbye? Caitlyn had made it clear she wished that she had not come back. Meaning that her life would have been better without Violet in it, a wish that she was now granting the woman who would remain the keeper of her heart even if she did not want it. Violet folded the note and placed it on her pillow as her eyes fell on her wedding ring.

The simple band of silver that had sealed their hearts together for the rest of their lives. Until the rest of their lives had been replaced by the limited time they had together.

For there was no them now. There was simply Caitlyn Kiramman – Dubois and Violet McAdams. One leaving and one left behind.

Plagued by guilt, memories of what had been and visions of what could have been, Violet slipped the ring off her finger. The ring would only be a grim reminder of the fact that Caitlyn never wanted her back in her life, and once she arrived in New York she wanted to close the chapter and start again.

Caitlyn was her past, whatever laid ahead of her was her future.

So she had gathered the small amount of belongings she owned and made her way to the docks, prepared to sail to the city that had raised her and the streets she once called her home.

Home seemed like a strange concept to her now because, though she did not want it, Caitlyn still felt like her home. Caitlyn still was her home. That would not disappear in the blink of an eye, but perhaps there was something that could replace that feeling of home and the gap that Caitlyn left behind when the time came.

With her belongings in a bag slung over her shoulder and her ticket in her hand after receiving it from the ticket office, Violet made her way down to pier 3. The ship was already docked and ready to set sail. She could feel her healing wound play up already as she boarded the ship and got her ticket checked.

The entire idea of being on a ship frightened her because of her previous experience on a ship like this. Travelling with Hoskel had been frightened, but that moment in the bathtub was one she would never forget. Goosebumps crept up her arms as she thought back of it, but she shook her head to shake off her nerves. She’d have to go through that if it meant going back ho- to New York.

So she took a deep breath and looked behind her once more before going down to the cabin assigned to her. At least she had her own cabin now, one that she could lock herself, and that at least secured the slightest bit of ease in her. She placed her bag on her bed, not bothering unpacking it, and went back up the deck when the ship was about to leave. It was always impressive to sail off and watch as the masses on the dock became smaller and smaller.

As the ship sailed through the smooth water, towards the sea, and the docks disappeared from view, Violet watched everyone who was waving goodbye to their loved ones. Her stomach was tied in a knot when she realised that there truly was no going back now.

Her mind wandered to Caitlyn and what her response might be to that note. To Violet leaving her ring. Would she cry? Would she be angry? Or perhaps relieved?

As her thoughts drifted to Caitlyn, she swore she was starting to see her everywhere. Watching the docks where small figures waved at the ship, she swore she saw someone rush through the crowd. Someone with dark curls and the same tall, slim figure of her former lover.

Violet chuckled, realising she must have gone mad now that she was starting to see people that weren’t there. It was probably a woman who looked a lot like Caitlyn, and with her former lover being the only thing on her mind it was not strange that she would think it was her. She turned around, turning her back on the crowd on people and went downstairs into her cabin to get some rest. They had a long trip ahead of them and with her healing wound, it was best to get as much rest as she could.

Apparently a lot of rest was not in the cards for her, because the days that followed were rough ones at sea. It was the cause for many nights of nausea and days of exhaustion where she tried to sleep but was often rocked too hard by the sea. It did nothing to help her recovery and as she laid in bed, miserable and alone, she often wondered if this was how God was punishing her for leaving Caitlyn without saying goodbye.

With a wounded hip, a bleeding heart and an upset stomach, she reached New York after several days. For some reason, the city seemed more grim than it had when she had left all those months ago. It made her wonder why she had bothered coming back here in the first place. She had nothing in this city. No home, no family, no friends.

All she had was the chance at a fresh start.

Vi chuckled as she walked off the ship with her bag slung over her shoulder and made her way to the identification desk. If she had stayed in London, Caitlyn would have probably kicked her out of the house the next day and left her to rot on the street. At least, that was what she had convinced herself of in those dark, sleepless night out on the sea in her cabin by herself. Because convincing herself that Caitlyn hated her was a lot better than the heartache caused by the idea that Caitlyn still loved her.

The line wasn’t too long since she was one of the first ones off the boat and she slid her papers over to the man on the other side of the desk. The man checked them, glanced at Violet to compare the photograph, and then slid them back to Violet.

“Welcome home Miss McAdams”

The knot in Violet’s stomach tightened.

With one hand pressed against her aching wound and the older holding her bag, she made her way out of the docks. The best way to go about this was to go back to Brooklyn, she gathered. She did not want to roam any other streets than the ones she grew up on. It felt strangely soothing, in a way, to make her way back to the streets where it had all begun. Where she had played as a child and made both wonderful and horrifying memories.

It was the late afternoon already and with dusk around the corner, she knew it was vital that she find a place to spend the night. If only her wound did not bother her so much. Violet had suspected it being infected for three days now and the fluids seeping through the stitches combined with the inflamed skin around it was starting to confirm those suspicions.

With her lack of sleep and nutrition, due to the nausea and lack of appetite, she was finding it hard to concentrate on where she was going as she walked those familiar Brooklyn streets. Her bag still clutched tightly in her hand, she blinked several times to fight against the dizziness that was starting to place dark spots in her vision.

Fighting the black spots and the dizziness was worse than giving into it. Her wound was starting to feel like it was ripping apart in spots and the liquid had now created a wet spot on her blouse. A wet spot that was not only transparent fluid, but also the familiar deep red colour of blood.


  F@ck.


She wandered down three more streets as she tried to make sense of her surroundings, tried to find something that looked familiar, but it all blurred into the same mass of large buildings with bright lights. The black spots got bigger, as did the blood stain on the fabric of her blouse, and her bag felt three times as heavy as it had before.

Finding no hope of getting somewhere safe, she did what she knew the best option would be in times like these. She ducked into an alley and tried to hold onto the brick wall in order to stay upright.

It only resulted in her visions blurring more each time she blinked, until it went black in its entirety as her knees gave out. Her body slumped against the steady wall as she drifted off to a place more peaceful and quiet than the cold streets of Brooklyn.“Are you awake?”

Violet found herself embraced in warmth before even opening her eyes. She felt soft, gentle fingertips trace her stomach followed by a small kiss on the spot the fingertips just touched.

Caitlyn’s voice reaching her ears sent a shiver down her spine. She was overwhelmed with a feeling of warmth she hadn’t realised she’d missed until she was fully submerged in it. “I know you can hear me darling, your eyelids are trembling”

The corners of Violet’s mouth pulled her lips into a smile as she slowly forced one eye open, only to be met with the glorious sight of her naked wife, in bed, by her side. Caitlyn was lying on her side, elbow pressed into the crisp, white pillow and her temple resting on her fist, as her fingers teased Violet’s stomach once more. That was when Violet noticed that she, too, was naked. Rather than feeling exposed, she felt comfortable.

She was home.

“I had a terrible nightmare” Violet sighed as Caitlyn leaned in and placed a soft kiss on her jaw.

“Tell me about it” her wife urged as she moved forward slightly and curled her nude body around Violet’s own. The warmth that radiated off her and the love in those cerulean eyes filled Violet with serenity.

Before answering anything, Violet had one task that ought to be fulfilled now that she was released from her nightmare. She leaned in and caught Caitlyn’s lips with her own, in a deep kiss. She heard a soft giggle against her lips before Caitlyn’s soft lips kissed her back with gentle force. Caitlyn’s good hand found Violet’s neck as she was pulled closer to her wife while the woman laid back in bed and ever so slowly pulled Violet on top of her.

“You’re going to make me forget the dream” Violet whispered against her wife’s lips as she found her position on top of her with ease, ignoring the way her wound was pounding ever so slightly.

“Good. I want to be the only thing on your mind” was Caitlyn’s purred answer, one that made Violet’s heart flip twice over. Her lips were reunited with Caitlyn’s within a second, a kiss hungrier than the last one they had shared and Violet could not help but let her hands wander up to Caitlyn’s wonderful br@@sts.

She’d missed the feel of them, how soft they were and how Caitlyn welcomed her touch with those effortlessly arousing moans as Violet’s palms gently kneaded her full br@@sts.

“You’re so beautiful” she told Caitlyn as she looked down at her wife, taking in all that she was. “Have I every told you how much I adore your br@@sts?”

Caitlyn let out a laugh so genuine that it filled Violet’s heart with pure joy. “I’m unsure you have mentioned it in such terms”

A grin crept onto Violet’s face as she leaned in and placed a series of small kisses on the valley between Caitlyn’s br@@sts. “I do. They’re perfectly full and round… soft and simply delicious” her lips closed around Caitlyn’s dark nipple once that last word was spoken, instantly drawing a moan from Caitlyn’s lips.

“Violet” her name was almost like a prayer on Caitlyn’s lips as she sucked a little harder and let her tongue flick over Caitlyn’s nipple while her thumb did the same to the other one.

After another series of kisses, Violet pulled away slightly before nuzzling her nose into Caitlyn’s neck. She had to ensure this was real. That Caitlyn was real. “I dreamed that I went back to New York without you” she whispered against Caitlyn’s soft neck while those long fingers of hers ran through Violet’s soft, copper curls. “I was miserable from the moment I left you”

“Then why did you leave?” was Caitlyn’s vulnerable response, earning her a soft sigh from Violet against her neck.

“Because you were better off without me”

The fingers in her hair stopped scratching her scalp and Violet felt them slowly pull away from her hair and slide down to her cheek, until she had fully cupped the soft flesh and pulled Violet’s face up. Making her grey eyes meet those irresistible cerulean ones, full of emotion.

“Listen to me Violet, and listen carefully” Caitlyn whispered, so only they could hear the words she was about to speak “there is not a world, in which I would be better off without you. We are one, you and I. A life without you is a life I have not lived… A life I do not want to live”

“Caitlyn-“

“I’ve said it once and I will say it again. I would choose you in any lifetime Violet. You will always be my choice, no matter the consequences” Violet could see the mist of tears in those cerulean eyes, which was the very last thing she wanted. As Caitlyn cupped her face, Violet’s hand reached out and she gently ran her thumb over Caitlyn’s slightly blushing cheeks.

“Good thing I did not get on that ship then” she softly joked, finding Caitlyn’s saddened expression to break out into a smile when she heard those words.

“Good thing you didn’t” she replied before pulling Violet closer once more and closing the gap between them with a toe-curling kiss.


It was that moment that Violet’s eyes shot up and she gasped for air, almost like she had been drowning and she had come back to consciousness just in time to safe her own life. Frantically, she looked around the environment she did not recognize.

The last thing she remembered was that alley and how her vision had gotten blurrier with each step she had taken before it eventually disappeared in its entirety. Right now, however, her surroundings were anything but an alley.

She was sitting up on a sofa, rather old but comfortable in its own way, in a dimly lit living room that was furnished with furniture that looked like it had been pulled together from a pile. Nothing really matched and some things looked like they had been in that specific spot for longer than Violet had been alive.

How the hell had she ended up here?

“Good to see you’re up kid, I was starting to worry you might’ve died on me”

Her head shot in the direction of the voice and she found an enormous man , tall, broad shoulders, broad everything, standing in the doorway that led to another part of the house or apartment. He was holding a mug with some warm substance in it, judging from the smoke coming from whatever was in it.

“Who the hell are you?”

There was nothing else that came to mind than to ask that question, especially since she was in the house of a strange man, who had probably dragged her there from the street and seemed to be set on giving her something to drink. The entire situation was beyond what she could comprehend in that moment.

The man gave her a friendly smile as he stepped into the living room. “The name’s Vander. I saw you stumbling down the street and hide in that alley, decided you did not look too good and when I went to check up on you, you had already passed out. So I brought you here, cleaned and dressed that nasty looking wound of yours and let you sleep off whatever it was you had to sleep off”

This Vander figure seemed too good to be true. Violet knew better than to trust someone right off the bat. So she quickly lifted her blouse to check on her wound. When she did, she quickly came to the conclusion that he really had taken care of her wound and dressed it surprisingly well. It looked clean and it felt a hell of a lot better than it had when she had passed out.

“Got you some left over soup, if you’re hungry” Vander offered, holding the mug out to her.

Violet was about to decline when her stomach grumbled in protest and she quickly decided that, if the soup was poisoned, she’d at least have a quick death and a full belly. Her calloused hands took hold of the warm mug and she only had to take one sip to determine that the soup was probably not poisoned, and was the best damn meal she’d ever consumed.

She probably drank it a bit too fast because she had Vander grinning at her like an idiot the entire time. “What?” she probably sounded a bit too aggressive, considering the man had picked her up from the street, given her soup and quite possibly saved her life.

“You’re a tough one, I like that” Vander concluded as he sat down in the large armchair across from the sofa, while Violet finished her soup. “Now that you know my name, would you care to tell me yours?”

“Vi-“ she stopped herself before she could finish. She was brought back to her dream, her dream of Caitlyn and a life that could have been. Caitlyn who called her Violet with such love, such tenderness. She could not bear hearing that name spoken again if it was not by her.

This was a new start. A new life.

“It’s Vi” she informed Vander before taking a final sip from her soup “just Vi”

“Well, just Vi, is there anything else you can tell me about yourself? Since I want to make sure I have not taken a lunatic into my home” Vander’s tone was teasing in the way her father used to speak to her when telling her a story. It soothed her, strangely enough, immediately. He had something about him that made her feel at ease, almost as though her had already spoken a silent promise to look after her.

Vi placed her mug down on the table and ran her hand over her mouth in a rough motion to clear off any spilled soup. “Let’s see. I was born and raised in Brooklyn, parents died when I was young, got into the army in ’42, flew as a pilot for the past several months. Crashed my plane in France back in July. Got saved by a woman who risked her life to get me out of that country. Seen a lot of people get killed, got shot myself and had to get a kidney removed. Decided to go back to Brooklyn after being in London for a bit, and now I am here on your sofa”

As she informed Vander of the state of things without showing any emotion regarding to what she had been through, she noticed that the man simply forward slightly and nodded as he silently listened to what she had to say. She had no idea why she was being this open about herself to a man she had only just met. Something about him earned Vi's trust with relative ease, though she could not quite point out what exactly.

“Sounds like you had it rough, kid” was his response. Though his tone sounded light, there was a hint of care in there that Vi immediately noticed. “What’s your plan, now that you’re back?”

Vi simply shrugged “I’m not sure. I don’t have a home or a job here. I have to report to the military about my arrival but I’m quite sure they’re dropping me after that”

Vander simply nodded as he sat back, seemingly deep in thought. Vi was quite sure this was when she was told to f@ck off and get lost, because who wanted a homeless young adult in their home when there were more important things to worry about? Besides, Vander knew Vi as well as she knew him, which was not at all.

“We can’t have that, can we?” was Vander’s surprising answer “I’ll make you an offer”

“What kind of offer?” Vander did not seem like the type to make a shady kind of offer, but this was Brooklyn, so you never really knew.

“I own a pub just down the street and recently lost my only employee because I couldn’t afford to pay him any longer. If you work at my pub for free, I’ll give you a roof over your head and three decent meals a day. If you make any tips, which is rare in times like these, you can keep them” Vander was making her a pretty sweet deal, especially for the first several weeks as she tried to get back on her feet. There was not much else she had on her agenda and she was quite sure that an offer like this one was not going to come every day. Besides, if she was getting shanked by the man in her sleep, there was not much she lived for anyways.

She had lost the only person she loved twice now, and with no one left to love or remember her she doubted it would be so terrible to die within the next six weeks.

“Would I sleep on the sofa or is there a spare room?” Vi asked before making her decision, though she was not that picky and would last a few weeks on that sofa if she really had to.

Vander nodded to the doorway “I have a spare bedroom, it’s small but it had a bed and a nightstand”

“Alright then” Vi did not hesitate a moment longer. When an opportunity like this, moving in with a stranger who saved you from dying in a dirty alley on the streets of Brooklyn, presented itself at a time in your life where you really did not care if you woke up the next day or died in your sleep, you took it with both hands. “You’ve got yourself a deal”

She got up from the sofa, holding out her hand for Vander to shake. The man rose from his chair and shook her smaller hand in his enormous one, the man had a firm but gentle grip, as he nodded “pleasure to have you aboard Vi”

“Pleasure to be there”

Their handshake sealed their spoken deal. Vi ran over Vander’s words once more as she pulled her hand away. It’d be great to have a few weeks with decent meals and a roof over her head before she would move on.

Because that was her plan, right? To move on after she had gathered enough tips to take herself somewhere else.

The thought of moving somewhere else inevitably brought her back to Caitlyn, and her heart ached with that dull pain that had settled in the empty space once occupied by Caitlyn’s affection. Perhaps she’d come crawling back to Caitlyn within six weeks’ time, beg for Caitlyn to take her back because living without her was not something she could bear.

Or perhaps Caitlyn would be the one to make the journey overseas once she found out that Violet was gone. The next ship would be leaving in several weeks… she wouldn’t-, would she?

She wouldn’t. She couldn’t.

Caitlyn was in the past now, and it was time to look forward. Being back in Brooklyn gave her the opportunity to come to peace with all she had been through, and perhaps that was the most important thing to focus on now.

Whatever yearning she had left in her heart became more painful with each day that passed. Because pushing her broken heart to the background was proving to be more difficult than going through the pain, yet she could not face it. Because fully facing that heartbreak meant to put it behind her for good, and though she told herself time and time again that Caitlyn was in the past, Caitlyn was still everywhere around her.

She saw her in every dark haired woman, every soft laugh, every bright smile. Caitlyn haunted her, made every morning feel like another battle not to book a ticket back to London.

For the first weeks she was almost sure that she would cave eventually, that she would not last a month in Brooklyn before she would go back. But she was stubborn, and she persisted. Pushing away the pain, hardening her heart.

Until that same heart could not take it anymore, and she had no choice but to go back.

That faithful day came on June 13th 1944.

7 months after she had last laid eyes on Caitlyn Kiramman.
  I'd a hold a finger to my tongue
  
I'd a hold a finger waitin'
My heart is sore, until it
  ’s
   join
  ed
   in song
  
With your heart matin''
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