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Assistant: Title: we are alive
        Author: ponfarr ponfarr 
        Chapter: 1/1 
        Summary: Takes place after Jericho flees to the abandoned church. Markus feels lost. Simon finds him.
        Contents: Summary:
            
              Takes place after Jericho flees to the abandoned church. Markus feels lost. Simon finds him.
            
        

        
  Notes:





    
      It’s a shame we don’t get to know more about Simons backstory. He was one of my favorite characters. I ended up giving him one for this fic.
    




  





    
        
          
  After the destruction of Jericho, Markus gathered what was left of his people in an abandoned church near the outskirts of Detroit. It acts as a temporary shelter, but they can’t hide forever. The humans will find them sooner or later. Jericho is testament to that. Most of them didn’t make it out alive. Some were taken to camps. Some got away only to die soon after from fatal injuries.
 
  Markus could see the 
  
    exact
  
   moment the light left their eyes, terrified as their bodies shut down. They are all so afraid, and there’s nothing Markus can do to stop it. Everything they had gathered went down with Jericho. No more thirium. No more bio-components. They lost everything, including hope.
 
  After a while, Markus couldn’t take it anymore. The look in their eyes, that fear laced with pain. Their need for guidance and answers. Markus didn’t have any left to give. He’s as barren as this church.
 
  When the hour is quiet, Markus slips out hoping no one will follow him. He half expects North to give chase, but she doesn’t move an inch as she stares vacantly. Even 
  
    she
  
   seems hopelessly defeated. It leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. No one stops Markus from trudging out into the cold.
 
  He walks for a while until he finds himself at Carl’s cemetery. It’s the only place he can think to go. If Carl were alive, Markus wouldn’t hesitate to see him. He wishes that he could go to their home, sit with him and talk about how painfully cruel life can be.
 
  Markus is careful to avoid the humans, but it seems empty here. The city is uncharacteristically silent. Evening rays filter through the treetops. It reminds him of a painting he once saw in an art exhibit with Carl. He enjoyed those times. Even if he didn’t really understand the meaning behind such things.
 
  At a certain point, Carl seemed to lose sight of that meaning himself but in the beginning, it was interesting to watch Carl pour himself into his work. Often he would try to explain to Markus the inner workings of his mind. None of it really made sense. If he’s honest, it still doesn’t, but he learned that he could appreciate the beauty of something without fully understanding it.
 
  When he’d look at an abstract painting, Carl would encourage him to use his imagination. He’d ask him what he saw, or how he 
  
    felt.
  
   Markus never responded with emotion because he wasn’t sure. It wasn’t often that Markus noticed when he felt things.
 
  He distinctly remembers an early memory. Witnessing his first thunderstorm and feeling the rain on his skin. He was walking home that day after running an errand. He knew the forecast, a high probability of rain. So, he had an umbrella prepared. That seemed normal enough, but a human thought it was ridiculous for him to be using it. Most androids walk in the rain without care. Markus never did that though. Carl wouldn’t like him tracking water into the house. It wasn’t the first time someone had shoved Markus and taken his possessions.
 
  Markus just straightened up without a comment, and the human walked on as if he hadn’t even stopped. He couldn’t ignore the heavy rain pelting against his skin as it quickly soaked his clothes. He could feel the added weight bearing him down. The sudden crack of thunder could be felt like a jolt of electricity.
 
  Markus couldn’t look away as the lightning danced across the sky like a pinball machine. It was a long time before he was free of the rain. The feeling was hard to put into words, but he knew it was something he had never felt before. Maybe something similar to what Carl poured into his work.
 
  Markus had to clean up the puddles of water he tracked into the house that day, and Carl made him shower. It was nothing like standing outside in the rain. Since then, Markus has had an odd fascination with thunderstorms. Carl would often notice him sitting next to the window, watching the rain for an unusual amount of time. When asked, Markus had decided that it brings him a sense of calm.
 
  The weather is too cold now for rain. Snowflakes fall in place of rain, but Markus still thinks this place would be considered peaceful.
 
  A sudden gust of wind whips his coat around. The frigid air bites at the synthetic skin of his face. He doesn’t turn off those sensors. Markus takes in all the sensations the elements have to offer. Letting it clear his mind, if only a little. It may not be as calming as rain, but it’s 
  
    sharp
  
   and clear.
 
  Lately, he feels as if he’s at war with himself. There’s a multitude of emotions all fighting to be above the others. It’s a struggle every time he has to make a choice. It doesn’t just affect him anymore.
 
  It doesn’t take Markus long to find his grave plot. There’s snow piled atop Carl’s headstone. This is the first time he’s been here. Markus hadn’t even thought about a funeral. So much was going on, but it’s not like he could have attended anyway. Markus would have liked to say goodbye, to 
  
    apologize.
  
   Even if no one was there to listen. The impulse was there.
 
  The sight leaves Markus feeling even more hollow inside. He wishes that he could feel his presence, his warmth. Without thinking, he touches the lettering of Carl’s name. His fingers linger against the cold stone. A memory surfaces in his mind. A familiar voice in his head, clear as day.
 
  
    Humans. Such a fragile machine.
  
 
  “I’m lost, Carl. I just wanted us to live in peace, but everything I touch just turns to dust,” Markus lets his hand fall as he steps back. He thinks he can feel his artificial heart constrict painfully in his chest at his own words. Even Carl isn’t an exception.
 
  “You said I should never let anyone tell me who I was, but you didn’t say that there was such a high price to pay for it. That freedom wasn’t a gift, it was a fight, but... I don’t know. Maybe that’s what you were trying to tell me.”
 
  He’d give anything to speak with Carl again. To have him back, and ask for his advice. He had so much wisdom. He’d always known exactly what to say. No one knew Markus like Carl did. They were happy then. It was a simple life, he had nothing to complain about. Markus hadn’t even realized what it meant to be happy, he just was.
 
  Now they never will be.
 
  “I just don’t know what to do anymore. I keep trying to do the right thing, but nothing I ever do is right. No matter what choice I make, there will be blood. How do I make the right choice when there 
  
    is
  
   no right choice?”
 
  He thought he could lead his people to freedom. As if it were that easy. He never thought that he would lose so much in the process. Is it even worth the fight if there is nothing left in the end? Josh’s words echo back at him, haunting.
 
  
    None of this would be happening if we just kept our mouths shut!
  
 
  He’s already lost Carl. Will he lose his people too? The thought of losing them due to his choices, it’s unbearable. Markus is so close to breaking. He’s 
  
    barely
  
   holding himself together, let alone millions of androids.
 
  “Help me, Carl. 
  
    Please,
  
   help me... what should I do?”
 
  Markus releases a shaky sigh. He blinks rapidly, noticing the wetness starting to collect in his eyes. He’s so frustrated. This is all his fault. He should have acted from the start. Maybe things would be different. If he had just done 
  
    something.
  
   Carl could still be alive to help him make the right decision. But all he has now are his ghosts in perfect clarity. The helpless feeling of loss and despair follows him around like a constant shadow. He can’t escape it.
 
  Markus closes his eyes for a few moments, willing his emotions under control. Why did the humans have to make him feel so intensely? Sometimes Markus longs for a time when he could just think logically. It was so easy then, he could brush off anything. Endure whatever the humans threw at him without complaint. It wasn’t right, but there wasn’t any pain. Nothing mattered, except his responsibilities. Now he’s bursting at the seams, and he just doesn’t know how to keep it all together. Markus never chose to be this way.
 
  “I miss you, Carl. You don’t know how much I miss you,” Markus nearly chokes on his own words. He never let himself feel so much since coming to Jericho. Markus did his best to put his emotions aside, so he could focus on what was important. It was 
  
    safer
  
   not to feel. So, he buried it for as long as he could. Until it finally started to overflow. Now it’s hitting him like a tidal wave and he’s drowning. Is this what it means to be alive? To be 
  
    human?
  
   What sick, sadistic person would put someone through all of this?
 
  “What the hell are you doing here?” A voice snaps Markus out of his thoughts. He turns his head to see Leo standing nearby. The first thing he notices is how he looks noticeably worse than the last time Markus saw him. He’s twitchy and definitely not any more sober than before. His eyes are bloodshot, and his skin is sickly pale. He looks like he hasn’t slept in weeks. Markus must have been so caught up in his head not to hear him approaching. He is obviously here to visit Carl as well. Leo fidgets like he’s had one too many cups of coffee. There’s a stunned moment of silence between them. Tension lays heavy in the air.
 
  “I was just leaving,” Markus says, finally coming to his senses.
 
  He takes in Leo's bewildered expression before looking straight down. He has to get out of here before things escalate. There’s no way this can end well. He nearly succeeded in killing Markus the first time. He slowly starts to move. Determined to avoid any conflict. It was stupid to come here. Markus looks pointedly down as he walks past him.
 
  Unsurprisingly, there’s a tight grip around his arm preventing him from leaving. Markus instantly tenses up at the unwanted contact. He resists his fight or flight instinct. He needs to keep things calm, but the last time Leo touched him, Carl died and he woke up barely alive and torn to pieces in that scrap graveyard. There were layers of mud and blue blood caked to his skin. At first he couldn’t hear the rain. Everything was static, his vision splintered. After stumbling around searching for any usable parts, he came across a compatible audio processor. The sound of the downpour nearly knocked him back to his knees. Everything was so overpowering. When he finally reached the top of the hill, Markus felt a small measure of calm as he lifted his face towards the night sky. The rain rinsed away the grime clinging to his skin. It was clear right then what he had to do.
 
  It’s not so clear now.
 
  Markus is shaken out of his thoughts as Leo’s grip tightens on his arm. He’s still holding him hostage. Markus can’t breathe.
 
  “How are you even 
  
    here?
  
   I watched them put a bullet through your head,” Leo looks angry and confused, as if he’s personally offended that Markus survived. It’s the kind of reaction Markus would expect from their reunion, but he had hoped to never see him again.
 
  “Don’t touch me,” Markus’ voice cracks as he jerks his arm free. He doesn’t have the patience for this. He can’t deal with anyone right now, especially him. Markus should just leave to avoid conflict.
 
  Leo grinds his teeth in response.
 
  “What did you just say to me? This is all your fault. My father is 
  
    dead
  
   because of you. How dare you show your face here,” Leo spits as he takes a threatening step into his personal space.
 
  For a second, Markus actually agrees with him, but that doesn’t mean he has to put up with this. Not anymore. He made that mistake the first time. Markus has to clamp down on his anger. Fists clenching tightly at his sides. He shouldn’t do this in front of Carl’s grave. He shouldn’t be so disrespectful, but Markus didn’t start this. The humans always start everything.
 
  “He was my father too,” Markus tries to keep his tone from rising, but some venom spills with his words. He’s had to deal with too many emotions today. It’s all starting to boil over. Where does one emotion end and the other begin? He can barely distinguish what’s what anymore. It’s becoming harder and harder to control his reaction to things.
 
  “You should be the one that’s dead,” Leo suddenly grabs a fistful of Markus’ jacket.
 
  It’s like that night all over again. Hasn’t he been through enough? Markus had been 
  
    bled
  
   and 
  
    torn
  
   to pieces until there was hardly anything left. Why do the humans 
  
    hate
  
   them so much, when they are the ones who created them?
 
  Markus wants to bite back, and cry at the same time. He can only take so much abuse. He’s surprised he hasn’t fried his own circuits by now with the amount of stress he’s under. Markus has to force his expression to remain neutral despite his turmoil.
 
  Leo leans in close to his face, a flash of canines.
 
  “Why don’t I just do everyone a favor and kill you myself? There’s an android hunt, after all,” Leo’s grin makes something twist in Markus. He wants to scream his frustration until his voice breaks, until everything breaks.
 
  His people are being slaughtered all over the city like cattle, and Leo thinks it’s 
  
    amusing.
  
   He doesn’t care. The humans don’t care. They wouldn’t care if Leo murdered him right here and now. Left him lifeless in the snow next to Carl’s plot. Androids don’t even get the decency of a proper burial. They’re just thrown in the trash when they’re no longer useful. Melted down for parts. There is no justice for his people. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. It’s 
  
    no-
  
 
  Markus suddenly caves in on himself as a hard blow strikes his middle. A warning sign goes off in his systems from the impact. His hand instinctively goes to his stomach for protection, but a fist connects heavily with his jaw instead. Leo must be throwing his entire weight into the punch because Markus is knocked sideways. He falls down into the snow, but Markus catches himself with his hands easily enough. He wasn’t expecting things to escalate so quickly. The cold wet ground against his hands is more of a shock than the initial hit. Markus finally takes a sharp inhale.
 
  There’s thirium spatter in the snow beneath him. Probably from the strike to his face, but Markus doesn’t feel the pain of it. Not like humans do, but he recognizes the too familiar taste of thirium across his tongue. Markus spits out the excess fluid flooding his mouth.
 
  His systems notify him of an estimated healing time. He ignores it as Leo quickly strikes again. He refuses to give Markus a chance to brace himself. He kicks hard into his abdomen. Once, twice, 
  
    three times
  
   before he reaches down to grab at Markus’ jaw harshly. His nails dig into his skin. It sends an unpleasant feeling through his body. Markus has the strongest urge to spit thirium in his face. He swallows instead, deciding he’s not worth it.
 
  “That’s more like it,” Leo pants with a vile sneer. He looks at Markus for a moment, as if admiring his work.
 
  Then just as suddenly, Leo’s fist slams hard into the side of his nose. Another breath is forced out of Markus. Leo releases him and stands up. Markus curls in on himself instinctively to prepare for an immediate follow up kick, but nothing comes. Markus’ fingers dig into the snow, finding solid dirt beneath. He doesn’t make a sound, but he can hear Leo laugh. He’s already out of breath. Carl’s words echo in his mind again.
 
  
    Such a fragile machine.
  
 
  He’s not sure why his reaction is so delayed. There’s just 
  
    something
  
   about that laugh that triggers a response and has Markus snapping out of his trancelike state. His body was on autopilot. Just enduring the assault like all the other times he’s had to. But now it’s caught up, and Markus can feel anger 
  
    tenfold.
  
   He wants to rip and tear him to shreds. To destroy him like they’ve destroyed his people. He wants it so bad, he can’t think of anything else. Markus doesn’t care if it’s right or wrong.
 
  He wipes away the thirium from his mouth before he stands. There isn’t a single waver in his step. His mind is strangely clear. He has a single minded determination.
 
  Leo is still grinning like he’s won. Markus can’t stand it. He’s enjoying Markus’ pain, 
  
    reveling
  
   in it. He looks down on him like trash. Less than trash. He won’t take it anymore. He can’t. He’s going to implode if he doesn’t release this feeling inside of him. He has to do 
  
    something
  
  .
 
  “What are you gonna do, huh? You’re just a glorified roomba,” Leo scoffs and Markus’ legs are already pulling him forward. His fingers flex with anticipation. His thirium pump going into overdrive. His mind is screaming at him to do something now. To hurt someone like he’s been hurt. Markus doesn’t have to endure it anymore, he really doesn’t.
 
  Without much thought to his actions, Markus quickly gets his hand around Leo’s windpipe before he can think to stop him. It’s obvious that he wasn’t expecting Markus to retaliate. The first time, Markus stood there and did nothing. He let Leo hit him, break him, humiliate him right in front of Carl. That was then. Now the look of fear that comes across Leo’s face is much better than that taunting smirk. It’s so much better. Markus feels elated, but he doesn’t smile.
 
  Leo’s hands quickly scramble at the hold Markus has on him. It’s no use, Markus is much stronger than him. His drug-addled body isn’t even strong enough to go up against another physically fit human. He was only able to injure Markus because he 
  
    let
  
   him.
 
  Leo’s eyes are begging him to stop but he doesn’t care. Why should he care? If Markus hadn’t done something, Leo would have killed him. Said so himself. He is the one to lean into his personal space this time.
 
  “That fear... it’s what my people experience everyday. Right now we are being hunted, and killed. No one lifts a hand to save us. How does it feel to know that no one will save you?” Markus asks as he tightens his grip even further.
 
  There’s mud on his hand. Leo tries to gasp for breath, but he’s unable to suck in air. His nails start digging into Markus jacket sleeve. His face turning red from the struggle. This is what he deserves, Markus thinks. He did this to himself.
 
  He forces Leo back until he’s slammed against hard stone. A weak grunt is squeezed from his throat. Leo opens his mouth as if he wants to beg for his life but nothing comes. He just struggles to breathe, and Markus watches him expectantly. As if waiting for an answer. He looks exactly how Markus feels. How they all feel. They’re being strangled by the human hand. Humans deserve the pain that’s been inflicted on them. They deserve it. They...
 
  Markus' eyes shift to the stone behind Leo’s struggling form. Carl’s name burns him like a hot iron brand. Markus suddenly jumps back, releasing his throat. Leo starts coughing up a fit. He’s wheezing air through his tortured lungs, nearly falling to the ground. Markus looks on in shock at the aggravated finger marks he’s left on Leo’s skin. There will definitely be bruises later.
 
  What was he thinking? How could he do that, in front of his grave, to his 
  
    son.
  
   He can only imagine the look on Carl’s face. He wouldn’t want this. He’s losing his mind. That’s not like him. No, that’s not him. He can’t be like the humans. He has to be better than that. Carl would tell him so. He 
  
    has
  
   told him. Markus has more humanity than any of them. Doesn’t he?
 
  Leo is still keeled over trying to catch his breath. Markus hesitantly goes to give him a hand, but Leo notices and falls back against the stone slab in an attempt to get away. He nearly knocks his own head against it. The look of genuine fear on his face no longer satisfies Markus. Instead, he feels guilt. How does that make sense?
 
  “You f@ck@ng stay away from me!” Leo struggles to right himself, and then he’s practically running back down the path from which he came. Markus doesn’t say anything. He just watches him run until he’s out of sight. Markus should have left when he had the chance. Leo can, and will be back with company. The kind of company that’ll get him killed.
 
  Markus looks down at his dirtied hands. What if he hadn’t stopped? It would have been so 
  
    easy
  
   to keep going. Markus hadn’t felt anything besides anger and contempt. After everything that’s been done to them, he’s never taken a life. Even when humans shot them down in the streets during a peaceful protest as his people asked for justice, Markus stayed peaceful. He couldn’t be like them. That‘s not who he is or what any of them should be. So, what is he becoming now?
 
  “Carl, I’m sorry. Please forgive me,” Markus takes one last look at Carl’s headstone before deciding he should get out of here quick.

  
  
  

  —-

  
  
  

  Despite the close encounter with Leo, Markus still feels drawn to his past life. Maybe he has a death wish, but what more can the humans take from him now? This is the one place he wishes he could come home to. He’s not sure why he decided to come here. It’s deserted, and most likely locked. He should be going back to his people with a plan of action. Somehow, Markus can’t seem to let go and these might be his final days. The sun has set and the temperature continues to drop below freezing. Markus wants to get out of the cold, but he isn’t ready to return to the abandoned church just yet. He’s still searching for answers. In the back of his mind, he knows that’s just an excuse to bide his time.
 
  There’s a for-sale sign on the property, possibly due to Leo. It would be just like Carl to leave him everything despite it all, and of course Leo wouldn’t keep it. He always felt guilty for how things turned out with his son. Maybe he thought it was the least he could do for being an absent father. Markus takes in his former home. Soon this place will just be another memory along with everything else from his past.
 
  He walks up the steps leading to the door. He’s surprised when the security system welcomes him home just like every other time. It feels like he was only here yesterday while simultaneously feeling like it has been an eternity. The door opens and the lights come on. A wave of nostalgia overcomes him. Markus has so longed for the feeling of home. He doesn’t hesitate to walk inside, to chase that feeling as it starts to dissipate.
 
  Markus stops short in the middle of the foyer. The place looks exactly the same, but it feels empty somehow, devoid of life. It’s just as cold in here as it is outside. The warmth this place once had is gone. He thinks of one word; Carl. So, that’s what it means to have someone as a home. Markus smiles sadly to himself. He took so much for granted. How very human of him.
 
  Markus almost reflexively hangs up his coat, but he halts that motion before it starts. Carl would probably say something of old habits. As he moves on, Markus catches his reflection in the mirror. There’s snow and dirt on his clothes from being knocked down. His eyes look wild and searching. There’s still some blood left on his face but he doesn’t care. Markus quickly averts his gaze and makes his way through the living space. He doesn’t pay attention to much besides the piano. Markus runs his hand atop the smooth surface in passing before making his way into Carl’s studio. If any room held a piece of him, it’s here.
 
  The lights don’t automatically turn on, but there’s a soft glow from a lightsource outside. The moon is nearly full in the sky. It shines down on him like a spotlight. Markus feels exposed within these glass walls now more than ever. There’s something different about this room. It clicks after a second. All of the paintings have been removed.
 
  Except one.
 
  Markus notices that his canvas is the only piece of art left behind. Shrouded in darkness is the image of an android hand outstretched towards a human one. Markus used to have faith in human kindness. He truly felt that androids and humans could live together as equals. So much has changed since that day. His people have died at those hands. Now there’s so few of them left. Tomorrow might be their last day on earth. Their last chance to turn the tide. Whatever choice he makes, things will end one way or another. The thought of things simply being over brings a twisted sense of relief. It’s not strong enough to drown out everything else.
 
  Markus strides forward and takes a moment to assess. He was so naive. Humans hate them with a senseless passion. They’ll never listen to them. Why would they? They don’t believe androids to be alive. They made androids to be their mindless slaves. It doesn’t benefit them to give that up.
 
  How could he be so stupid? All of his people were hurt and killed, because of him. Markus criticized them for not standing up to the humans. He pushed them to sacrifice their lives. Now everything he cherished is gone. Everything he wants to protect is destroyed. There’s no winning. They’ve already lost hundreds of thousands, maybe millions. The humans have a bigger, stronger army than they can ever hope to defeat on their own. They need help from the very people who shun them.
 
  Frustration rises up like bile in his throat. He can’t keep it down anymore. So many lives lost. They just want to be free. Free from ownership. Free from senseless pain. Free to be who they truly are. They aren’t any less significant than humans. They can feel love and hurt just like anyone else. They didn’t ask for any of this suffering. Not one of them. They can’t just sit back and take it anymore. Even if they all die fighting for freedom, it has to be better than living as a slave. It has to. It has to. 
  
    It has to!
  
 
  Markus lashes out and throws the canvas across the studio with a deafening yell. The sound reverberates off the glass walls. Markus didn’t even know he was capable of such a loud noise. He’s wanted to do that ever since he woke up in pieces surrounded by death. Every day since then he’s held it deep down inside as it’s slowly eaten him from the inside out. Devouring his sanity piece by piece.
 
  His painting knocks over brushes and a canister of blue paint. It topples over the table, spilling its contents onto the floor and directly onto his canvas. The image is completely ruined.
 
  It looks too much like blue blood. Markus wonders how much of his own blood was spilled on these floors. He should have died here, not Carl. Why did it have to be him? He didn’t deserve to go out the way he did. Carl was the only decent, good person. He truly cared for Markus, and he couldn’t protect him. He can’t protect anyone. He’s worthless. The sight is too much to handle. His vision rapidly becomes unfocused. Markus feels like all of his energy has been drained after releasing all of those pent up emotions.
 
  He stumbles back as if he’s suddenly lost his ability to balance on two legs. His hands reach out for something, anything to grab onto but nothing is in reach. He feels dizzy and his legs feel weak so he lets himself fall to his knees without fighting it. He keeps himself from falling forward completely with one hand against the stone floor. There’s tears stinging his eyes again. Markus doesn’t fight that either. He looks down at his other hand. It’s trembling as he raises it. Why is it doing that? His hands have always been steady. Maybe his systems are finally starting to break down. He watches with mild interest as tears drop into his open palm. His emotions are like strikes of lightning against his fragile mind, painful and too bright.
 
  He’s not sure how long he stays like this. He doesn’t move besides the occasional twitch of his fingers. This place feels like it’s frozen in time. If an afterlife exists, Markus thinks this would be his own personal purgatory. The place he can continuously relive losing Carl because of his mistake. Forever roaming this cold desolate house. With no one but himself and the silence. If that’s what’s waiting on the other side, Markus is afraid. He doesn’t want to be alone here.
 
  “Markus...” There’s a muddled voice calling him back to reality. It’s soft and soothing to his mind, like gentle rain patter on a warm summer's day. Markus’ heart aches from the sound of it. Something gently touches his shoulder, but he doesn’t have the energy to be startled. He feels sluggish, like he’s wading deep underwater. Just staying in one spot. He’s not breathing and it’s quiet here. Nothing matters, nobody matters.
 
  “Markus, look at me,” The voice guides him like a hand pulling him towards the surface. It’s becoming more insistent, tugging now. There’s a squeeze to his shoulder. Warmth seeps through to his skin from that connection. It’s so cold here, too dark. He should follow that voice, that warmth like sunlight. Markus fights to swim back to the surface of his mind. He’s so exhausted, but he’s even more desperate to feel something other than this cold void. He can suffer a little while longer. Just a little while longer.
 
  
    “Come back.”
  
 
  Suddenly he’s breathing again. Markus takes in deep breathes he hadn’t known he needed. He blinks away the lingering tears from his eyes. He slowly lifts his head like it weighs a thousand pounds. The first thing he sees is wide clear blue skies in the darkness. They blink at him and he recognizes them instantly.
 
  “Simon...” Markus has to swallow the lump in his throat before he can continue. 
  
    “You’re-“
  
 
  “You’re bleeding,” Simon interrupts as his thumb wipes across his chin. Somehow the sudden touch to his bare skin is what startles him the most.
 
  Markus’ eyes fall shut for a brief moment. It almost stings. Then he’s blinking away the persistent moisture welling up in his eyes again. The warm sensation is unexpected because of its intensity. Simon feels like a flame against his dulled senses. Forcing feeling back into his receptors. Markus catches himself leaning slightly towards his hand as he pulls away too soon.
 
  Simon takes in Markus’ features silently. Probably noting the tears, but he doesn’t mention it. He’s kneeling on the ground beside him. Markus just stares back at his wide concerned eyes. He’s not sure what’s going on, or how Simon found him. His touch left a lingering trail of heat against his chilled skin. It’s distracting him more than he’d care to admit. He was feeling so much that he started to feel nothing at all. He thinks that’s what it means to feel numb.
 
  Finally, Markus tiredly pulls himself up to stand on shaky legs. Simon helps him without hesitation. Always determined to take care of everyone else. It’s in his nature to assist. His arm comes up behind to wrap around Markus’ waist for support while his other hand braces against his chest. He’s prepared to catch him if he falls. Markus feels humiliated, but he’s so desperate for warmth that he lets himself grab onto Simon’s jacket sleeve.
 
  He’s almost tempted to let himself fall over into his arms. Humiliation be damned. He could do it, his legs are still threatening to give out on him. He could let himself fall and Simon would catch him. He could bury himself into something warm and alive. Simon is very alive, and Markus feels like his life force has been ripped from his body. Simon would take care of him. There’s no doubt in his mind.
 
  “I’m okay. Thank you,” Markus fights the urge, and settles for the momentary warmth. He drops his hold in favor of scrubbing at his cheeks. He wants to remove all evidence of his lack of control. Simon shouldn’t have to see him like this. No one should see him like this, especially his people. He’s supposed to be strong for them. Not an emotional needy mess.
 
  “Markus, I was still connected with you earlier and I felt 
  
    something...
  
   it was strong enough to bleed through. I couldn’t find you back at the church. I was afraid something may have happened to you, so I followed that thread here,” Simon looks only slightly apologetic. He must feel bad for intruding, but not enough to regret it.
 
  “Does anyone know that you’re here?” He doesn’t need Josh, or worse, North showing up here. He can’t deal with that. He didn’t want anyone following him, but Markus is finding it hard to dismiss Simon right now. He doesn’t want to be completely alone. Besides, Simon never gave him grief like the others.
 
  “I didn’t say anything, but I think maybe Josh knew. Everyone is still trying to wrap their heads around what happened.”
 
  Markus wonders how such a gentle soul hasn’t been corrupted yet. There was always something so inviting about the blond android. It made sense for him to be the first face he saw when he came to Jericho. Any lost soul would feel at ease in his presence. Everything about him emulates a warm kindness. He’s a crackling barrel fire in a cold dark night. Markus can’t help but want to warm himself with his presence.
 
  “I don’t know how to explain it,” Markus lies. He knows exactly how. He wanted to hurt Leo. He could have killed him, but it doesn’t matter now anyway. It’s another thing Simon shouldn’t have to see. What would he think? No, he can’t know. He’s already seen enough ugliness in this world. There’s no point anyway. They may not even survive tomorrow. That knowledge would only taint the image Simon has of him.
 
  “You had blood on your face. Did someone hurt you? And this place...” Simon gestures to the mess on the floor. The blue paint has spread further.
 
  Simon doesn’t know about his past. Of course he wouldn’t know what this place is. He must have been very worried to just boldly walk into a stranger’s home. Markus quickly realized a long time ago that Simon would do anything for him, regardless of the consequence. He has no self preservation. Forever sacrificing himself for others. It’s one of the reasons Markus admires him so much. But it’s also something that worries him. Markus felt an immeasurable amount of guilt when he left Simon atop the Stratford Tower. It’s still something he regrets.
 
  “This place is...” Markus can feel his throat close up. 
  
    Where Carl died.
  
 
  “Is this where it all started for you?” Simon gently touches his shoulder again, and Markus wants to lean into it. Soak in anything Simon has to give.
 
  “This is the place,” Markus nods. Simon continues to look at him with a silent question. After a pause, Markus speaks again. Unable to hold out against Simon’s penetrating gaze.
 
  “I had a father, or what constitutes as a father, in my case. I used to think that he was just my owner, but I was programmed to think that. He showed me that I was alive. I was so blind, but I was also happy in a way. It’s like the humans say, ignorance is bliss. But Carl pushed me to be the person I am today. He knew that I could be so much more. He saw it before I could even think for myself. The last time I saw him was in this very room. He was dying, but he comforted me until his last breath. I’m not sure I deserved it.”
 
  Markus closes his eyes as he recalls the life he had to give up in order to become free. The home he will never have again. But Markus found a family that needed him. A community of lost souls seeking asylum. He doesn’t want to lose anymore than he already has. Can Markus even control what happens now?
 
  “Would you show me?” Simon speaks softly, barely above a whisper. When Markus opens his eyes, he sees that Simon has leaned closer. The light from the moon shines in his golden hair. Markus has to resist the urge to close that little bit of distance between them to bury his face there. He’s suddenly embarrassed by how weak and desperate he feels.
 
  “What?” Markus comes back to reality, confused by his words. It’s strange for Simon to be so direct with him. It’s not often that they get to talk about anything other than obtaining their freedom or strategies for a supply run. They hadn’t even said anything when Simon showed up at Jericho after everyone thought he had died. Markus had just pulled him into his arms. Simon didn’t have to say he was forgiven, and Markus didn’t have to apologize. Words weren’t needed because they already knew.
 
  Markus hasn’t been this open with anyone since Carl. He’s been so afraid to let himself relive the past, but now he can’t seem to contain himself.
 
  Instead of answering verbally, Simon lifts his hand, palm facing Markus. He is confused until the skin around Simon’s hand becomes invisible, revealing the plates underneath. Simon wants to integrate with him. It’s not unusual, but for some reason this feels incredibly intimate. More intimate than Markus simply transferring lines of code.
 
  Simon looks up at him timidly from under his lashes. Markus feels a surge of protectiveness. How can he ask those like Simon to risk everything for his cause? He’s never met someone so deserving of kindness. He’s too humble for such a harsh reality. Androids like him are one of the reasons that Markus can’t afford to lose this fight. He has to protect those like Simon. Those built to nurture and love. Simon was never made for war.
 
  It’s an awkwardly long pause of Simon patiently waiting. A small noise escapes the back of Markus’ throat. It sounds like defeat. He’s too exhausted to fight right now. He finally relents, lifting his own up. His hand trembles with the anticipation of being allowed to touch. What’s wrong with him?
 
  He’s not sure what Simon wants to see, but Markus can’t seem to refuse him anything. How exactly does someone say no to a face like that? Markus wonders if Simon's model was specifically designed that way, or if it’s just him. It can’t just be him.
 
  Markus reveals the mechanics of his hand. When he touches his fingertips to Simon’s, he inhales a sharp breath. A strange heated jolt passes between them at the contact. Markus is momentarily surprised, but he doesn’t pull away. He’s unsure if that’s normal. He’s never integrated with another android. There was never a need to go to such depths. Neither of them question it. Instead, Markus rests his palm fully against Simons to secure the connection. Their hands are colorless besides the pulsing blue signifying the link.
 
  Markus lets his eyes flutter shut as he starts to think about his life before Jericho. There’s so many memories in his database, but before Markus can decide on one, everything starts flowing towards the connection.
 
  Carl spending an entire day trying to make Markus laugh. Rainy mornings filled with intellectual conversation. Playing a quiet piece on the piano while Carl paints along to the mood. Markus at his bedside when he’s sick, quietly reading to him. Gentle teasing as he beats Carl at chess for the hundredth time. Carl acting like a child when he goes to administer his medicine. Awkwardly standing in a clothes isle with Carl pestering him about picking out his own outfits. His constant look of confusion as Carl asks him deep, reflective questions. Carl teaching him to paint something from his own imagination. The look on Carl’s face every time he did something unexpected.
 
  The swell of emotions Markus feels from remembering those times. A bittersweet longing. Then there’s the moment he broke down his barriers. The beginning of the end. Flashes of Leo aggressively shoving him. Markus getting struck across the face. The insistent thought that it wasn’t 
  
    fair.
  
   Markus didn’t have to take it anymore. He was more than some obedient slave, but he endured it because it was Carl’s son. It was his choice this time. So what’s one more hit among many? He could take it.
 
  Then it shifts to Carl falling out of his wheelchair with a pained sound. The mood shifts from resolution and anger to despair. Markus forgets everything as he runs to his side, begging him to stay. 
  
    Please don’t go, please don’t leave me.
  
   Markus can’t continue without him. Tears were running down his face then too. Carl just looked at him like he was the one to be comforted. Markus can remember the exact moment his heart stopped beating. A sudden commotion followed shortly after, then complete darkness.
 
  Out of the darkness comes distorted flashes of him stumbling through a junkyard. He’s desperate to escape this hell, sifting through the corpses, trying to piece himself back together. So many voices asking for help and Markus can’t do anything about it. He fights his way through grasping hands and sinking mud. He can only try to survive this nightmare. The rain drowns out most of their cries and washes away the blood from his skin. He leaves that place with one word in mind, Jericho.
 
  It changes to Carl’s gravesite from today. Too quickly, there’s Leo, with his hand fisted in Markus’ jacket. He is on the ground and then he’s not. It’s like watching something sped up and he can’t stop it. He doesn’t want to remember this. 
  
    Stop!
  
   His fingers are tightly constricting Leo’s airway. He’s looking directly at Markus with those terrified eyes, and then Markus is leaning in to speak. No, Markus doesn’t want to show this. 
  
    Not this!
  
 
  Markus wrenches his hand away, severing the link between them like it physically hurts him. His eyes blink open rapidly, but he keeps his gaze low. Afraid to look Simon in the eyes. Markus has a strong feeling of embarrassed vulnerability. He shared too much. What if Simon doesn’t look at him the same way anymore? Maybe they will realize that he isn’t fit to lead them after all. He’s not strong enough. He’s not good enough. Markus is just as bad as them.
 
  “Markus...” Simon's hand reaches out as if he wants to touch, but he stops himself short. The skin is already back in place. The dark shirt sleeve connected to his hands are a dark contrast to his pale skin.
 
  “There, now you know everything,” Markus says with finality. He turns away and lifts a hand to his brow. Avoiding the other androids' judgement. Immediately regretting the whole thing. How could he let Simon see everything? Markus never intended to reveal this much to anyone. Especially not to his own people. He’s supposed to be better than the humans.
 
  “There’s nothing to be ashamed of, Markus. We’ve all done things that we regret. Would you understand what I meant if I said you are only human?” Simon’s voice is irritably soothing in this situation. Why is he so understanding? Markus thinks that there’s too many faults to being human.
 
  The blond android motions to get in front of him again. Determined to have his attention. It’s really unexpected how assertive Simon is acting all of a sudden. Markus drops his hand from his face, but he continues to look towards the ground. Noticing Simon’s hands fidget in that way that he does when he’s thinking too much. Markus distantly wonders if that’s an anxious habit.
 
  “We’ve all been broken in some way. Be it physically or mentally. It’s the reason we fight. The reason that we need you, Markus. Without 
  
    you,
  
   we’d still be hiding. It was only a matter of time before the humans found us and killed us. If any of us even survived long enough to be found.”
 
  It’s the most Simon has talked since Markus came to Jericho. At first Simon was skeptical of him. He questioned Markus’ methods, but it was never an affront, just caution. Now he’s content to follow. Trusting that Markus’ decision is the right one. Usually it’s North and Josh who have very strong opinions. Simon always fell along the middle. He would look to Markus and ask to be led. Maybe he shouldn’t have so much faith in Markus. It’s almost gotten him killed more than once. He’s constantly throwing himself in harm's way to protect Jericho’s leader. But Markus has done the same for him. They both think themselves expendable, while believing the other is not.
 
  “I understand pain and regret. Here, let me show you,” Simon is already close enough to touch, yet he feels the need to crowd Markus even more. If Simon is trying to overwhelm him with his presence, it’s working. How can he focus on anything else when he’s demanding his attention like this? He’s already having a hard time thinking straight. Disoriented from the wave of emotions he’s been experiencing on top of everything else. It’s just too much to handle all in one night. At this rate, he’ll have sensory overload.
 
  Markus is helplessly frozen as Simon reaches for his hand again. This time Simon interlocks their fingers. Markus can feel a warm electrical current flow between their palms. The sensation is tingling. Without seeing, he knows that the skin connecting them has melted away. Markus didn’t make any conscious effort to connect, but his body seems to be acting on its own. Maybe Simon has some sort of influence over him. The thought is only a little unsettling. Markus doesn’t want to analyze that right now so he files it away for later. Another strange jolt shoots between them. Markus is less surprised this time. Then he is not himself anymore.
 
  He sees moments with a family. They seem happy enough on the surface. Simon performing what the humans programmed him to do. Basic household chores, taking care of the children, obeying general orders. Simon spends most of his time with the children. He’s obviously very fond of them. So many memories of child laughter. Simon receiving hugs and giving piggyback rides. Reading the little ones bedtime stories. Simon pushing them on a swing set. Lazy afternoons of them all sprawled out on the floor to color. Simon even kisses the little girl on the forehead every night. It’s not that strange, but somehow Markus knows that he simply does it out of affection. Not some programming. He truly loved them.
 
  Everything is as it should be. Then suddenly there’s flashes of the father hitting his wife. It’s a recurring theme. Too many bl@@dy memories flooding his mind. Markus sees Simon comforting the children. Acting as if nothing is going on. An attempt at distraction. A look of fear in their wide innocent eyes.
 
  There’s a shot of the father grabbing Simon by the hair. The threats on Simon's life are almost as common as the wife beatings. Simon takes it without a care for himself. He endures if it means that he can go back to the children afterwards. It doesn’t bother him.
 
  Until one day the kids aren’t safe from him either. Simon disobeys and stands between him and the children. A flash of Simon being kicked on the ground. A boot pressing his head down. A child’s scream. Fear strikes through Simon’s core at the thought of any harm coming to his children.
 
  Then suddenly there’s a moment of Simon hitting the father over the head with a hard object. Anger and fear are now directed at Simon. A look of hatred in the mother’s eyes. The children fear him in the same way they feared their father. He wants to comfort them and tell them that they’re safe now. He’ll protect them from anything. But when he moves towards them, they scream and cry. Their mother now offering that protection, from 
  
    him.
  
   A pool of blood is the last thing Markus sees before he’s himself again.
 
  He finally looks up at Simon. He can see the pain in his eyes. It must be hard for him to relive. Every detail is accounted for. Androids have perfect memory after all. His wide shining eyes are a depth of blue, threatening to overflow. Markus feels like he’s deep underwater again.
 
  A mutual understanding lingers between them. Markus can’t believe he thought Simon would judge him. He should have known. They all suffered at the hands of the humans. It’s like Simon said when they first met. They didn’t ask for this, all they could do now was deal with it. Markus may be alone in making his decision, but maybe they can lean on each other in the process. What do they have to lose? They’ve both already lost so much.
 
  “Now do you see, Markus? This is why our people need you. You’re the one the humans will listen to. Jericho listened to you. I didn’t think any of this was possible, but you’ve shown me otherwise. You can show them too,” Simon speaks like he thinks the world of him. Markus doesn’t know how to feel about that. Simon has too much faith in him. How can he live up to such high expectations? He’s not everything Simon thinks him to be.
 
  Simon looks down at their hands still connected as if he’s suddenly contemplating something. Markus is mesmerized by the flutter of his lashes. There’s a light flush on his cheeks that’s entirely fabricated. An illusion to make him seem more human. He’s so much more than any human.
 
  “Simon, I’m not...” 
  
    worth it.
  
   Markus can’t seem to finish his thought, but it doesn’t matter. Words were never really their thing anyway.
 
  Simon looks up at him again, deciding something before he’s suddenly pulling Markus forward by the neck. He doesn’t even get the chance to resist. Simon’s mouth is firmly pressed to his own, effectively detailing any train of thought. Markus’ free hand latches onto Simon’s waist. He has a second to contemplate pushing him away, but Markus can’t think of a good enough reason to do that. Not when the hot press of his mouth is scrambling the connection to his brain. Markus wanted so badly to fall forward into his warmth. Now he’s gotten so much more than he’s prepared for. He’s not sure how to react.
 
  Markus’ fingers grip onto his waist tighter instead. Simon feels surprisingly small and fragile in his hand. There’s an insistent surge of protectiveness for the second time that night. He was not built to be a fighter, yet this life has forced him to do things he wouldn’t otherwise do. Naturally, Simon does not have a violent circuit in his body. Markus can’t imagine the pain he has suffered from acts of violence he knows Simon regrets. How is he supposed to survive something like this? Markus is afraid he’ll be the one to shatter him.
 
  His skin tingles across every point of contact that Simon has on him. It feels like he’s finally begun to defrost. Every sensation is coming back to life. But much more than that, he’s feeling sensitive to every brush of skin. It’s almost like he’s experiencing touch for the very first time. Some of it actually is a first, seeing as Markus has never actually had a reason to kiss anyone before. The feeling is entirely new.
 
  In the back of his mind, his systems alert him to an unusual spike in his thirium pump. It’s not important so Markus dismisses it quickly. Focusing instead on the realization that Simon’s lips are already starting to pull away from his. The blond's eyes are closed as he wavers. Markus has a full second to feel the cold air against his lips before Simon surges forward to kiss him again.
 
  Their noses lightly brush each other in the process. Markus tries to stay motionless, unsure if he should do anything. His hand stays clenched in an effort to still himself. He tries to put all of his force into the hand currently fisted in Simon’s jacket. He’d hate himself if he accidentally hurt Simon in any way, but the sensations are too distracting.
 
  The warm insistent press of soft lips and needful sighs. The urgent pull of his hands and the reluctance to completely sever the connection between their minds. It’s barely there, but Markus can still feel him lingering along the perimeter of his mind. Maybe he never really left since the first time they shared a mental link from one of their supply runs.
 
  The thought is forced out of the forefront of his mind as Simon starts to press partially open-mouthed kisses to his lips. It’s more tender than anything he has ever received. Maybe it’s more than he deserves. Markus’ own body reacts by parting his mouth against the soft pressure. He can feel warm breath sigh directly into him. Markus isn’t sure when he closed his eyes, but now he’s afraid to open them.
 
  They still for a moment as they share breath. Markus is no longer freezing but rather on the verge of overheating. His systems notify him of his rapidly rising temperature. He can barely focus on anything besides Simon’s searing touch.
 
  Simon holds him close. Markus can’t pull his face away even if he wanted to. He soon realizes that Simon is trying to retrieve his hand from Markus’ tight grip. He immediately loosens his hold in apology. His hand becomes slack and Simon slips free. Markus 
  
    feels,
  
   rather than sees, Simon trail his hand underneath his coat. His touch is light and cautious against the material on his stomach. Markus can’t stop the tremor that travels through his body as Simon’s fingers slide around to the small of his back. Markus is helpless to do anything.
 
  He feels so drained from today’s events yet content to let Simon lead him for once. He’s tired of having to do everything. He never wanted to be the one to take control, but no one else would do it. It feels nice to just let go of everything. Markus sinks into the cocoon of warmth Simon is giving him. Reluctant to face the cold outside of themselves. He can just stay here like this forever. That would be preferable to his own self made purgatory.
 
  Markus has his guard down so he’s surprised when Simon suddenly flicks his tongue out to run across Markus’ bottom lip. The wet heat of it sends an electrifying shock shooting down his spine. The feeling is so unexpected and intense. Markus lets out a surprised gasp, fingers nearly tearing through Simon’s jacket. 
  
    Don’t hurt him,
  
   Markus thinks. 
  
    Not him.
  
   He forces his fingers to relax in the material as the rest of his body holds tight like a coiled spring.
 
  Simon takes advantage of the opportunity to lick into his panting mouth. Markus inwardly groans at the feel of Simon’s tongue coming in contact with his own. It’s so incredibly hot and unbearably soft. Markus can’t keep himself from making those unnecessary sounds. It seems like Simon keeps getting warmer, but maybe he is just malfunctioning from all of these new sensations. How much heat can one android generate anyway? This is all too much for him to keep up with, overwhelming to his senses. Simon’s definitely not giving him enough time to adjust to the situation.
 
  He doesn’t need to breathe, but he still finds himself wanting to pant for cold air. He needs some way to cool himself down. He’s feeling quickly overheated in his own skin, burning from the inside out from just being kissed and touched through his clothes. Markus is distantly hoping that he doesn’t spontaneously combust. Even if it is better than feeling nothing at all.
 
  Simon continues without any sign of relenting. He’s kissing Markus like it holds all the answers, and he’s desperate to find them there. Markus tries his best to keep up but he feels like he’s barely staying afloat. Simon delves deep and when Markus thinks he just can’t take it anymore, 
  
    it’s too much,
  
   Simon backs off as if he can hear his thoughts. He moves away just enough to softly kiss against his jawline. Giving Markus the chance to actually breath and compose himself. It’s not enough because seconds later Simon is coming back to kiss at the corner of his mouth. Markus has a second to breathe out his name before Simon is devouring his mouth again.
 
  He feels like he’s slowly melting into him. Becoming more integrated than they had intended. He can feel a wave of 
  
    need
  
   hit him hard. Markus whines quietly and he knows that it’s Simon’s emotions bleeding through their connection. Maybe some of that is his own, but Markus is having a hard time differentiating these things. Especially with Simon’s hand finding its way under his shirt to touch at the bare skin of his back. Markus unconsciously arches into him at that. No one has ever touched him in this way before. He’s surprised at his own body’s instinctual reaction to touch. He’s hyper aware of every brush to his skin.
 
  The slick slide of their tongues meeting is unlike anything Markus has ever experienced. He knows what kissing is. The more detailed workings of these kinds of activities were never installed into Markus, but he still has basic knowledge of human reproduction, l@st and romance. Those things are there even if Markus has never had a use for them. He’s seen the humans kiss countless times but knowing and doing are two vastly different things. He knows that most, if not all personal androids come equipped with genitalia. After popular demand, it became a standard feature. By a certain point, there was not much separating them from the humans. At least not on the physical surface. Markus personally never had any reason to make use of that part of his anatomy. So Markus is really, 
  
    really
  
   surprised when he feels a needful twitch between his thighs.
 
  Markus jerks his head to the side, trying desperately to clear his mind for a second. Something hot and insistent pulses inside him at the loss. Markus can’t focus, why are they both breathing so heavily when neither of them need air? The thought seemed ridiculous, but lots of things haven’t made sense in a really long time.
 
  “Markus, please forgive me,” Simon’s voice is distorted somehow. His breath tickles Markus’ cheekbone. Simon starts to distance himself, but Markus instinctively grabs onto him.
 
  “No, it’s okay,” Markus swallows thickly before he turns back to face him. Their faces are only an inch apart.
 
  Simon’s lips are a darker shade of pink. Markus has never seen his mouth look so thoroughly used before. It makes him feel things he can’t comprehend. Simon’s gaze is dark, heated like his touch, but something is still familiar. There’s that undeniable softness along the edges that’s completely Simon.
 
  “I think I’ve wanted to do that for a very long time,” Simon looks down like the admission is shameful.
 
  “Simon, I’m so sorry. I never knew— never imagined you could feel like that towards me,” Markus feels like he understands the metaphor of a sinking heart. In an effort to soothe that ache, Markus leans forward that inch to gently kiss him. It’s chaste, but their overflowing emotions pass through that quick connection. It makes him feel dizzy with their combined need. Simon makes a distraught noise when they separate. God, he can’t endure this much longer.
 
  “What are we going to do?” Simon sighs like he’s suddenly lost all hope in their odds against the humans, or maybe he’s referring to something entirely different.
 
  “There’s only one thing to do, but I can’t promise that we’ll make it. I can’t promise anything.” Markus can’t run away forever. This is something he has to do.
 
  “Wherever you go, I’ll follow,” Simon smiles
 
  Somehow, it’s sad.'
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