continue:


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I am a ESL teacher. I am doing lesson with a Year 7 student from NSW, Australia (public school curriculum). Last lesson, we did the following worksheet:

“”

Writing Guide: Descriptive & Sensory Detail

Overview
Descriptive details allow us to create vivid images of experiences, objects, or imaginings. In other words, description makes a scene come to life, helping the reader to feel like they are actually there. Writing that lacks description can seem plain or overly general.

Usage
Descriptive details can be used in many types of writing, not just creative writing. Effective descriptive writing lets a reader do more than just see words on a page; it helps them feel, hear, taste, and touch the scene. This makes the story more engaging and believable.

Sensory Detail
We understand the world through our five senses: sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste. Writing that uses these senses effectively is more likely to engage the reader. Each sense enhances the reader’s experience in different ways.

Sensory Detail Examples

(Paragraph Without Sensory Detail)
The hero entered the cave. He was scared but decided to move forward.

Comment: This paragraph is simple but does not give the reader many details. Without sensory detail, the scene seems vague. How might we use descriptive detail to make the scene more vivid?





Add Sight
Before: The hero entered the cave. He was scared but decided to move forward.

After: The hero peered into the shadowy cave, the flickering torchlight revealing jagged, moss-covered walls.

Comment: Visual details help the reader create a mental image of the scene. They can see where the hero is and what the cave looks like.

—

Add Sound
The hero could hear the distant drip of water echoing through the cavern.

Comment: Sounds can enhance the scene. Here, the dripping water adds to the mysterious and eerie atmosphere of the cave.

—

Add Smell
The air was damp and cold, carrying the musty scent of earth and decay.

Comment: Describing smells helps set the mood. The musty scent makes the cave feel more real and foreboding.

—

Add Touch
As he stepped forward, his boots crunched on the gravelly floor, and a chill ran down his spine.

Comment: Touch descriptions can make the reader feel what the character is feeling, making the scene more immersive.

Add Taste
The metallic taste of fear filled his mouth as he clenched his jaw, resolving to face whatever lay ahead.

Comment: While not used as often, taste can enhance the scene. Here, it emphasises the hero’s fear and determination.

—

Full Sensory Detail Example

All Senses Combined

The hero peered into the shadowy cave, the flickering torchlight revealing jagged, moss-covered walls. He could hear the distant drip of water echoing through the cavern. The air was damp and cold, carrying the musty scent of earth and decay. As he stepped forward, his boots crunched on the gravelly floor, and a chill ran down his spine. The metallic taste of fear filled his mouth as he clenched his jaw, resolving to face whatever lay ahead.

Comment: Combining all five senses creates a rich, vivid scene that draws the reader in and helps them experience it as if they were there.

Practice

Part 1: Enhance Simple Sentences
Transform these simple sentences by adding sensory details. Use the example above to guide you.

1. The hero entered the dark forest. His heart was pounding in his chest like a drum, while the cold breeze and the buzzing insects were furiously surrounding him.

- Possible answer: The hero entered the dark forest, where towering trees twisted upwards, their branches forming eerie shadows. Leaves rustled softly in the night breeze, and the damp, earthy smell of the forest floor filled his nostrils.

Sight: Towering trees twisted upwards, their branches forming eerie shadows
Sound: Leaves rustled slowly in the night breeze
Touch: night breeze
Smell: damp earthy smell of the forest filled his nostrils
Taste:

2. She drank from the enchanted stream.

……….


- Enhanced: She drank from the enchanted stream, its crystal-clear water cool and refreshing, tasting faintly of sweet berries. The gentle sound of the flowing water was calming, and she felt a magical warmth spread through her body.

3. The battlefield was empty.

….


- Enhanced: The battlefield was eerily silent, the ground littered with broken weapons and armour. The acrid smell of smoke and the metallic tang of blood lingered in the air, while a cold wind swept across the desolate plain.

—
Part 2: Descriptive Paragraph Exercise
Look at the visual aid (picture or illustration). Write a descriptive paragraph about the scene, incorporating sensory details (sight, sound, smell, touch, taste).



Your Descriptive Paragraph:
The lonely lighthouse looks over the endless sea waiting for a ship to come. Day after day, the moon rises up as the sun sets. Now and then, a wild, while aurora fills the sky, painting it a dazzling green. The breeze, whooshes and whooshes; the water aggressively smashes the cliff, while the lighthouse stays stands still, the sun rising once more, and forever more. Damp seaweed sweeps along the coastline, The waves roll back and forth, back and forth, while seaweed sweeps up and down, hugging the shoreline. and comes back again. The lonely lighthouse lies still, quiet and everlasting.

Suggested revision:

The lonely lighthouse looks over the endless sea, waiting for a ship to come. Day after day, the moon rises as the sun sets. Now and then, a wild aurora fills the sky, painting it a dazzling green. The breeze whooshes and whooshes; the water aggressively smashes the cliff, while the lighthouse stands still, the sun rising once more, and forever more. Damp seaweed sweeps along the coastline. The waves roll back and forth, back and forth, while the seaweed sweeps up and down, hugging the shoreline. The lonely lighthouse lies still, quiet, and everlasting.


Part 3: Independent Writing
Using the following prompt, write a short descriptive passage focusing on a particular setting or character, integrating all five senses.

Writing Prompt:
Describe the enchanted forest the hero stumbles upon during his quest. Use sensory details to bring the forest to life for the reader.

Your Descriptive Passage:



Conclusion
Remember, using descriptive and sensory details in your writing helps your readers feel like they are part of the story. By focusing on sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste, you can create more vivid and immersive experiences for your audience.
“”

What lesson should I do next to build on this?
Building on the lesson about descriptive and sensory detail is a great idea. Your next lesson could focus on Show, Don’t Tell. This principle emphasizes showing the reader what is happening through descriptive details and actions rather than just telling them. This will help your student continue to improve their descriptive writing skills and make their stories more engaging. Here’s a structure for the lesson:

### Lesson Plan: Show, Don’t Tell

Objective:
Students will learn to enhance their writing by showing emotions, actions, and settings through descriptive detail rather than simply stating them.

### Warm-Up Activity
Activity: Emotions List
1. Write a list of emotions on the board (happy, sad, angry, scared, etc.).
2. Ask students to choose one emotion and describe a scenario where a character might feel it without using the word itself.
- For example, instead of saying “He was scared,” write “His hands trembled as he fumbled with the keys, glancing over his shoulder every few seconds.”

### Introduction
1. Explain the Concept: Explain the difference between showing and telling. Provide a few examples.
- Telling: She was nervous.
- Showing: Her heart raced, and sweat trickled down her back as she stepped up to the microphone.

2. Discuss Why It’s Important: Reinforce how showing makes the writing more vivid and engaging for the reader.

### Guided Practice
Activity: Transform Sentences
1. Give the students sentences that tell something directly. Ask them to rewrite the sentences to show what is happening through descriptive details.
- Original Sentence: John was tired.
- Enhanced Sentence: John’s eyelids drooped, and he struggled to stifle a yawn as he trudged up the stairs.

2. Provide a worksheet with several sentences to transform or do it together as a class on the board.

### Main Activity
Activity: Show, Don’t Tell Rewrite
1. Prompt: Provide a short, simple story that’s filled with “telling” rather than “showing.”
2. Instructions: Ask the students to rewrite the story, focusing on showing through sensory details and actions.
- Example Story: Mary was excited about the new puppy. She ran to the pet store and picked out the cutest one. When she got home, she played with the puppy all day.
- Enhanced Story: Mary’s eyes sparkled with excitement as she dashed to the pet store. She scanned the rows of wagging tails and tiny paws until she spotted the perfect puppy, its eyes bright and curious. At home, the pair tumbled around the living room, laughter filling the air as Mary played fetch with her new furry friend.

### Small Group Activity
Peer Review
1. Have students exchange their rewritten stories with a partner.
2. Have them use a checklist to ensure their partner’s story includes sensory details, shows actions and emotions, and avoids unnecessary telling.

### Homework/Independent Practice
Activity: Descriptive Passage
1. Assign a prompt: “Describe a character entering a room full of people at a party.”
2. Emphasize the importance of showing emotions, actions, and the atmosphere using sensory details.

### Closing
1. Recap Key Points: Review the importance of showing instead of telling in writing.
2. Share Examples: Ask a few students to share their rewritten stories or descriptive passages.
3. Encouragement: Remind students to apply these techniques in their future writing assignments.

By focusing on “Show, Don’t Tell,” your student can further develop their ability to write vivid and engaging descriptions, building on the foundation from your previous lesson on descriptive and sensory detail.
how about this worksheet?:

“”

Page | 1

“Show, Don’t Tell” is an important rule when it comes to writing your story, it is the magic
technique that breathes life and energy into any story.
The single best piece of advice you can receive to become a good writer is “Don’t tell me,
show me.” Don’t tell me the character is angry; show me that the character is angry. Don’t tell
me that the character had a good time at the party; show me how the character had a good
time.
This is The First Rule of Writing
Show, Don’t Tell. Yeah, that sounds easy, but what, exactly, does show mean?
Show, don’t tell – Show, don’t tell – Show, don’t tell…
It’s a phrase that writing teachers throw at their students – but do they really get it?
It’s important to understand the profound difference between showing and telling in your
writing.
Telling sentences tell us something. They give information but it is general, non‐specific, and
often vague. They don’t involve the reader. Telling sentences are written in a dull and lifeless
manner. You leave out the action, emotion, and sensory detail—all the vital ingredients that
make the reader believe in your story. “Telling” is a way of communicating facts to the reader—
the wrong way. The right way is to “show” information through the use of action, dialogue, and
the five senses. (If you’re still confused, please read on and let me “show” you what I mean.)
Imagine yourself in a darkened movie theater. All of a sudden the screen goes black and you
can hear only the sound track—the dialogue and a few sound effects. How frustrated you’d be!
If the technician didn’t get the projector fixed fast, you’d get bored and leave. The same is true
for writing. If you fail to make the reader see your story, she’ll lose interest, put down the book,
and never pick it up again. If that reader happens to be the editor to whom you’ve submitted
your manuscript, then you’ve lost a sale.
Showing sentences show us – they describe the scenes and actions; they help us see by using
clear, specific details to create clear, strong pictures in our minds. Showing sentences
Developing Elaboration
with showing sentences.
Show, Don’t Tell
Writing Packet
Page | 2
dramatize the events of your plot. The reader experiences the story as if he’s right there,
participating in the story. In his imagination, he becomes the character. A showing sentence has
a different “sound” and “feeling” when you read it. Save
Look at the following examples:
1) First Example
Telling sentence: Jack was afraid.
Showing sentence: As the footsteps tapped closer and closer, Jack felt his stomach muscles
tighten. He flattened himself to the wall, the gritty bricks against his cheek. Sweat chilled his
palms. He used both hands to steady the gun.
______________________________________________________________________________
Notice in the “telling” sentence, we’re given information, but in a way that doesn’t involve us in
any scene. It’s as if we’re sitting in that movie theater, staring at a black screen and growing
increasingly annoyed by our inability to see what’s happening.
In the “showing” sentence, however, we live through the scene along with Jack. We hear the
tap of footsteps. We feel the tension in his stomach, the cold dampness of his hands, and the
grittiness of the brick. We see the gun in his shaking hands. We live his fear, rather than merely
being told of it.
And along the way, something miraculous happens: Jack becomes a real person. Even if he’s the
bad guy, we can identify with him because we experience his fear, and fear is a universal
human emotion. We want to turn the page and find out what happens to Jack. This is the
power of “showing” instead of “telling.”
So what is the secret to “showing” a scene? It’s beautifully simple. Use specific details.
Specific details breathe life into your story. They stimulate the reader’s imagination so he can
project himself into the scene and become a part of it. By the way, watch out whenever you
name an emotion, such as Jack was afraid. It’s lazy writing. The reader won’t feel the emotional
impact. How much better it is to “show” the emotion through action, the five senses, and
dialogue.
2) Second Example
Telling sentence: Dave thought Brenda was acting secretive.
Showing sentence: Brenda slammed his dresser drawer shut and spun around, her hands
hidden behind her back. Her lips jerked into a stiff smile. “Dave! I‐I thought you wouldn’t be
home until six o’clock.”
Page | 3
The “showing” example uses physical action, facial expression, and dialogue to convey the
same information as the “telling” sentence. But with “showing,” we get a vivid picture. We
watch the scene as if it were playing on a movie screen.
So, “showing” makes a scene come alive through the use of details. So take a good, close look
at how you present your ideas and characters. All good books touch the reader on an emotional
level. You do so by giving proof to the reader—proof of how this character acts and reacts when
faced by problems. In other words, you “show” the reader why we should cheer for the
character or boo him. And hopefully, in the process, readers will find themselves drawn into the
story, unable to put the book down.
So now you have the idea, right? We need details. We need to know thoughts, feelings; we
need to see, hear, feel, smell and taste your story. Learn how to put details in your
writing. Did you ever wonder why you remember the characters in a book? Or what made a
story especially memorable? By combining many elements of writing, you can learn how to
write good stories and essays. You have to use the senses, avoid boring dialogue, and write
memorable descriptions.
3) Third Example
Telling sentence: Mary was a pretty girl, with blue eyes and blond hair.
Showing sentence: Mary’s blue eyes glistened with joy, her blond hair bouncing with each step.
4) Fourth Example
Telling sentence: Molly is a wonderful person.
Showing sentence: Molly is always there when anyone needs her. She’s the first to arrive with a
casserole when someone is sick, the first to send a note of encouragement to those who are
troubled, the first to offer a hug to anyone ‐‐ man, woman or child ‐‐ at anytime.
5) Fifth Example
Telling sentence: It was very dark inside.
Showing sentence: I held my hand in front of my eyes but couldn’t see its outline. The walls
were invisible and it was impossible to see the bottom of the steep stairs.
6) Sixth Example
Telling sentence: The pizza was delicious.
Showing sentence: Mushrooms and pepperoni sausage were layered thickly on top of one
another while the white mozzarella cheese bubbled over the bright red tomato sauce.
Page | 4
7) Seven Example
Telling sentence: The house was haunted.
Showing sentence: The old house stood eerily abandoned on the hill, scaring everyone in the
neighborhood with creaking, breathing noises.
8) Eight Example
Telling sentence: Eating healthy is good for your body.
Showing sentence: The calcium in milk, cheese, yogurt, and other dairy products, the vitamins
in vegetables, and the protein in meal all help to keep our bodies strong and healthy.
9) Ninth Example
Telling sentence: I was really mad.
Showing sentence: I ran to the door, threw it open with a loud bang against the wall, and
yelled, “Get in this house right this minute! You are three hours late!”
10) Tenth Example
Telling sentence: Jim was so angry that Blair was afraid.
Showing sentence: Jim grabbed the front of Blair’s shirt and slammed him into the wall. Blair
fought to breathe, his heart hammering.
11) Eleventh Example
Telling sentence: The weather was bad.
Showing sentence: A harsh wind whipped through the trees. Dark clouds poured buckets of
rain that overran the gutters and spilled onto the sidewalks.
DRAW the readers in; MAKE them a part of what is happening.
SHOW the scene, GET them involved, GIVE it a dramatic impact,
SHOW them what’s happening now or how things happened by
painting your narrative with words. USE figurative language
(similes and metaphors), dialogue and descriptive words.
Page | 5
Student’s handout

1) Lisa is a spoiled child.
2) My mother/father is a wonderful
person.
3) She is a talented musician.
4) The party was great.
5) My mother bugs me.
6) He eats like a horse.
7) He looked guilty.
8) The child was a brat.
9) The abandoned house was scary.
10) School is boring.
11) My friend was angry.
12) My dog is cool.
13) She acted older than her age.
14) The trip was fun.
15) She changed.
16) A student’s life is hard.
17) The new student was lonely.
18) The substitute teacher was strange.
19) The class is terrific.
20) The car was old.
21) The date was romantic.
22) My grandmother looked sad.
23) She is creative.
24) The test was difficult.
25) The place was weird.
26) She has a fantastic personality.
27) I was embarrassed.
28) My room is a mess.
29) The food at the party was incredible.
30) The weather made me homesick.
31) The speaker got everyone’s
attention.
32) They lived happily ever after.
33) The streets were crowded.
34) The book was intriguing.
35) Camping is a rewarding experience.
36) The relationship changed.
37) The loss was devastating.
38) The climb was exhausting.
39) The concert was disappointing.
40) The living room was a warm, inviting
place.
41) The city was beautiful.
42) My friend was steaming mad.
43) The drive in the car was
uncomfortable.
44) I have a dream.
45) Those girls are snobs.
46) Reading is important.
WRITING
EXERCISES
Now you try it! Write a showing
sentence about each telling sentence.
Page | 6
WRITING ASSIGNMENT – SHOW, DON’T TELL Grade: __
Student’s name: ______________________________ Date: // Period: _______
Telling sentence # :
Showing Sentence:
Telling sentence # :
Showing Sentence:
Page | 7
Telling sentence #:
Showing Sentence:
Telling sentence #:
Showing Sentence:

“”

Is it a good worksheet for a Year 7 student from NSW, Australia ?
The worksheet you provided is a comprehensive and detailed guide on the “Show, Don’t Tell” principle, which is essential for developing vivid and engaging writing. The examples and exercises included are varied and cover a wide range of scenarios, making them relevant and practical for a Year 7 student. Here are some points to consider to ensure it aligns well with a Year 7 NSW, Australia public school curriculum:

### Strengths:
1. Clear Explanation: It breaks down the concept of “Show, Don’t Tell” clearly, using easy-to-understand language.
2. Variety of Examples: The examples provided cover a wide range of situations and emotions, which can help students see the application of the technique in different contexts.
3. Practice Exercises: The worksheet includes a significant number of practice sentences for students to work on, which is great for reinforcing the concept.
4. Progressive Difficulty: The sentences vary in complexity, which can cater to different levels of student ability.

### Suggestions for Improvement:
1. Gradual Introduction: Year 7 students might be new to this concept, so starting with more visual and interactive examples could be helpful. Consider incorporating a short video clip or images first, then asking students to describe what they see and feel.

2. Scaffolded Teaching: Initially, work on a couple of examples together as a class before asking students to work individually. This ensures that everyone understands the concept before working independently.

3. Simplification for Young Learners: While the explanations are clear, some parts might be a bit dense for younger students. Simplifying the language in the initial explanatory passages could make it more accessible.

4. Interactive Elements: Include interactive activities such as group work, peer reviews, and class discussions to make the lesson more engaging.

### Example Worksheet Adjustments:

#### Introduction:
- Briefly explain “Show, Don’t Tell” with an interactive visual example (e.g., show a short clip and ask students to describe what they see).

#### Examples:
- Simplify the examples if necessary and ensure they are relevant to the students’ experiences.

#### Practice Exercise:
- Begin with a guided practice session where the class works together on a few sentences before moving on to independent practice.

#### Additional Interactive Activity:
- Implement a short role-play or drawing activity where students can act out or illustrate a scenario and then describe it using the “Show, Don’t Tell” technique.

#### Student Handout:
- Provide fewer sentences for initial practice, focusing on quality over quantity. Gradually increase the number as students become more comfortable with the technique.

### Revised Example:
Here’s a streamlined version of what you might include in the student handout for initial practice:

—

### Show, Don’t Tell Practice

Instructions: Rewrite the following telling sentences to show the scene using descriptive details. Use sensory details (sight, sound, smell, touch, taste) and actions to bring the sentences to life.

Example:
- Telling Sentence: Jack was afraid.
- Showing Sentence: As the footsteps tapped closer and closer, Jack felt his stomach muscles tighten. He flattened himself to the wall, the gritty bricks against his cheek. Sweat chilled his palms. He used both hands to steady the gun.

—

1. Telling Sentence: Lisa is a spoiled child.
- Showing Sentence:

2. Telling Sentence: The party was great.
- Showing Sentence:

3. Telling Sentence: The abandoned house was scary.
- Showing Sentence:

4. Telling Sentence: The weather was bad.
- Showing Sentence:

5. Telling Sentence: School is boring.
- Showing Sentence:

—

Extra Activity: Descriptive Paragraph
- Choose one of your showing sentences and expand it into a descriptive paragraph. Use all five senses to describe the scene fully.

—

By streamlining and making the worksheet interactive, and scaffolded, you ensure that it remains appropriate and effective for Year 7 students in NSW, Australia.
I am teaching this class to one student, over Zoom. The class will run for 50 minutes. Please modify the worksheet to include the previous suggestions, making it more suitable for my targeted student.
Certainly! Here is a modified version of the worksheet tailored for a one-on-one Zoom lesson with a Year 7 student. The lesson is designed to fit into a 50-minute session, incorporating interactive and engaging activities that are suitable for an online environment.

—

### Show, Don’t Tell: Zoom Lesson

#### Objective:
Students will learn to enhance their writing by showing emotions, actions, and settings through descriptive detail rather than simply stating them.

### Lesson Plan (50 minutes)

#### Materials Needed:
- Zoom (with screen sharing capabilities)
- PDF/Word document of the worksheet
- A few images or video clips for visual examples

Warm-Up Activity (5 minutes)
- Show, Don’t Tell Video Clip:
- Start the class with a short video clip (30 seconds to 1 minute) that has strong visual and emotional elements.
- Ask the student to describe what they saw and felt without naming any emotions (focus on actions and descriptive details).

Introduction (5 minutes)
- Explain the Concept:
- Share the screen and go through the explanation of “Show, Don’t Tell” from the worksheet, using examples to clarify the difference between showing and telling.

Guided Practice (10 minutes)
- Transform Sentences Together:
- Share the screen with the following sentences and work on the first few together. Discuss how to transform them into showing sentences.

Examples:
1. Telling Sentence: Lisa is a spoiled child.
- Showing Sentence: (Brainstorm with the student)

2. Telling Sentence: The party was great.
- Showing Sentence: (Brainstorm with the student)

Interactive Activity (10 minutes)
- Role-Play or Drawing Activity:
- Ask the student to draw a scene or act out a scenario (e.g., “someone being scared” or “a fun party”) and then describe it using the “Show, Don’t Tell” technique.

Independent Practice (15 minutes)
- Practice Sentences:
- Provide the student with a set of telling sentences to transform. They can write their sentences in a shared document or read aloud and receive immediate feedback.

Student Handout:

—

#### Practice Sentences:

1. Telling Sentence: The abandoned house was scary.
- Showing Sentence:

2. Telling Sentence: The weather was bad.
- Showing Sentence:

3. Telling Sentence: School is boring.
- Showing Sentence:

4. Telling Sentence: The food at the party was incredible.
- Showing Sentence:

#### Extra Activity: Descriptive Paragraph
- Choose one of your showing sentences and expand it into a descriptive paragraph using all five senses.

—

Example:
- Telling Sentence: The weather was bad.
- Showing Sentence: A harsh wind whipped through the trees. Dark clouds poured buckets of rain that overran the gutters and spilled onto the sidewalks.

—

#### Application and Closing (5 minutes)
- Review and Recap:
- Review the showing sentences created by the student. Discuss any challenges and strategies for improvement.
- Recapitulate the importance of “Show, Don’t Tell” and encourage the student to apply this technique in their future writing assignments.

—

By breaking down the lesson into interactive and manageable parts, you can keep the student engaged and help them grasp the “Show, Don’t Tell” concept effectively.
ok, thanks for the lesson plan. Now, I want the complete modified worksheet, please.
Absolutely! Below is the modified worksheet tailored for your one-on-one Zoom lesson with a Year 7 student, designed to fit into a 50-minute session.

—

### Show, Don’t Tell: Writing Worksheet

—

#### Introduction to Show, Don’t Tell

“Show, Don’t Tell” is a magic technique that breathes life and energy into any story. The single best piece of advice you can receive to become a good writer is “Don’t tell me, show me.”

Telling sentences give information but it is general, non‐specific, and often vague. They don’t involve the reader. Showing sentences describe scenes and actions with clear, specific details, allowing readers to experience the scene as if they are right there.

#### Example:

Telling Sentence: Jack was afraid.
Showing Sentence: As the footsteps tapped closer and closer, Jack felt his stomach muscles tighten. He flattened himself to the wall, the gritty bricks against his cheek. Sweat chilled his palms. He used both hands to steady the gun.

Notice: In the “showing” sentence, we live through the scene with Jack. We hear the footsteps, feel the tension in his stomach, the cold dampness of his hands, and the grittiness of the brick. This makes Jack’s fear real to us.

—

### Warm-Up Activity: Video Clip

Start the lesson by watching a short (30 seconds to 1 minute) video clip with strong visual and emotional elements. Describe what you see and feel without naming any emotions. Focus on what actions and descriptive details you observe.

—

### Guided Practice: Transform Sentences (Example)

Let’s work on transforming some telling sentences into showing sentences together.

—

1. Telling Sentence: Lisa is a spoiled child.
- Showing Sentence: Lisa threw a tantrum, her face flushing red as she screamed for the toy she couldn’t have.

2. Telling Sentence: The party was great.
- Showing Sentence: The room buzzed with laughter and chatter, balloons hovering near the ceiling while music pulsed through the speakers.

—

3. Telling Sentence: The abandoned house was scary.
- Showing Sentence: The old house stood eerily abandoned on the hill, scaring everyone in the neighborhood with creaking, breathing noises.

4. Telling Sentence: The weather was bad.
- Showing Sentence: A harsh wind whipped through the trees. Dark clouds poured buckets of rain that overran the gutters and spilled onto the sidewalks.

5. Telling Sentence: School is boring.
- Showing Sentence: The teacher’s monotonous voice lulled me into a daze, and I stared out the window at the clock, willing the hands to move faster.

6. Telling Sentence: The food at the party was incredible.
- Showing Sentence: Mushrooms and pepperoni sausage were layered thickly on top of one another while the white mozzarella cheese bubbled over the bright red tomato sauce.

—

### Interactive Activity:

Draw or act out a scenario and then describe it using the “Show, Don’t Tell” technique:

1. Draw a scene or act out a scenario (e.g., someone being scared or a fun party).

2. Describe the scene using sensory details (sight, sound, smell, touch, taste).

—

### Independent Practice:

Rewrite the following telling sentences to show the scene using descriptive details. Use sensory details (sight, sound, smell, touch, taste) and actions to bring the sentences to life.

1. Telling Sentence: The trip was fun.
- Showing Sentence:

2. Telling Sentence: The new student was lonely.
- Showing Sentence:

3. Telling Sentence: My room is a mess.
- Showing Sentence:

4. Telling Sentence: The date was romantic.
- Showing Sentence:

—

#### Extra Activity: Descriptive Paragraph

Choose one of your showing sentences and expand it into a descriptive paragraph. Use all five senses (sight, sound, smell, touch, taste) to fully describe the scene.

—

### Conclusion:

Review and Recap:

1. Review the showing sentences you created.
2. Discuss any challenges you faced and strategies for improvement.
3. Recap the importance of “Show, Don’t Tell” in creative writing.
4. Encourage using this technique in all future writing.

Remember: Using descriptive and sensory details in your writing helps your readers feel like they are part of the story.

—

Great job today! Keep practicing “Show, Don’t Tell” to make your writing vivid and engaging.

—

This worksheet is designed to keep your one-on-one Zoom lesson interactive, engaging, and instructional, fitting nicely into the 50-minute time frame.
contrast the modified worksheet explanation of the concept against the original worksheet. explain why the modifications are easier for the student to understand. In other words, justify the modifications to the original worksheet. Original:

“”

“Show, Don’t Tell” is an important rule when it comes to writing your story, it is the magic
technique that breathes life and energy into any story.
The single best piece of advice you can receive to become a good writer is “Don’t tell me,
show me.” Don’t tell me the character is angry; show me that the character is angry. Don’t tell
me that the character had a good time at the party; show me how the character had a good
time.
This is The First Rule of Writing
Show, Don’t Tell. Yeah, that sounds easy, but what, exactly, does show mean?
Show, don’t tell – Show, don’t tell – Show, don’t tell…
It’s a phrase that writing teachers throw at their students – but do they really get it?
It’s important to understand the profound difference between showing and telling in your
writing.
Telling sentences tell us something. They give information but it is general, non‐specific, and
often vague. They don’t involve the reader. Telling sentences are written in a dull and lifeless
manner. You leave out the action, emotion, and sensory detail—all the vital ingredients that
make the reader believe in your story. “Telling” is a way of communicating facts to the reader—
the wrong way. The right way is to “show” information through the use of action, dialogue, and
the five senses. (If you’re still confused, please read on and let me “show” you what I mean.)
Imagine yourself in a darkened movie theater. All of a sudden the screen goes black and you
can hear only the sound track—the dialogue and a few sound effects. How frustrated you’d be!
If the technician didn’t get the projector fixed fast, you’d get bored and leave. The same is true
for writing. If you fail to make the reader see your story, she’ll lose interest, put down the book,
and never pick it up again. If that reader happens to be the editor to whom you’ve submitted
your manuscript, then you’ve lost a sale.
Showing sentences show us – they describe the scenes and actions; they help us see by using
clear, specific details to create clear, strong pictures in our minds. Showing sentences
Developing Elaboration
with showing sentences.
Show, Don’t Tell
Writing Packet
Page | 2
dramatize the events of your plot. The reader experiences the story as if he’s right there,
participating in the story. In his imagination, he becomes the character. A showing sentence has
a different “sound” and “feeling” when you read it. Save
Look at the following examples:
1) First Example
Telling sentence: Jack was afraid.
Showing sentence: As the footsteps tapped closer and closer, Jack felt his stomach muscles
tighten. He flattened himself to the wall, the gritty bricks against his cheek. Sweat chilled his
palms. He used both hands to steady the gun.
______________________________________________________________________________
Notice in the “telling” sentence, we’re given information, but in a way that doesn’t involve us in
any scene. It’s as if we’re sitting in that movie theater, staring at a black screen and growing
increasingly annoyed by our inability to see what’s happening.
In the “showing” sentence, however, we live through the scene along with Jack. We hear the
tap of footsteps. We feel the tension in his stomach, the cold dampness of his hands, and the
grittiness of the brick. We see the gun in his shaking hands. We live his fear, rather than merely
being told of it.
And along the way, something miraculous happens: Jack becomes a real person. Even if he’s the
bad guy, we can identify with him because we experience his fear, and fear is a universal
human emotion. We want to turn the page and find out what happens to Jack. This is the
power of “showing” instead of “telling.”
So what is the secret to “showing” a scene? It’s beautifully simple. Use specific details.
Specific details breathe life into your story. They stimulate the reader’s imagination so he can
project himself into the scene and become a part of it. By the way, watch out whenever you
name an emotion, such as Jack was afraid. It’s lazy writing. The reader won’t feel the emotional
impact. How much better it is to “show” the emotion through action, the five senses, and
dialogue.
2) Second Example
Telling sentence: Dave thought Brenda was acting secretive.
Showing sentence: Brenda slammed his dresser drawer shut and spun around, her hands
hidden behind her back. Her lips jerked into a stiff smile. “Dave! I‐I thought you wouldn’t be
home until six o’clock.”
Page | 3
The “showing” example uses physical action, facial expression, and dialogue to convey the
same information as the “telling” sentence. But with “showing,” we get a vivid picture. We
watch the scene as if it were playing on a movie screen.
So, “showing” makes a scene come alive through the use of details. So take a good, close look
at how you present your ideas and characters. All good books touch the reader on an emotional
level. You do so by giving proof to the reader—proof of how this character acts and reacts when
faced by problems. In other words, you “show” the reader why we should cheer for the
character or boo him. And hopefully, in the process, readers will find themselves drawn into the
story, unable to put the book down.
So now you have the idea, right? We need details. We need to know thoughts, feelings; we
need to see, hear, feel, smell and taste your story. Learn how to put details in your
writing. Did you ever wonder why you remember the characters in a book? Or what made a
story especially memorable? By combining many elements of writing, you can learn how to
write good stories and essays. You have to use the senses, avoid boring dialogue, and write
memorable descriptions.
3) Third Example
Telling sentence: Mary was a pretty girl, with blue eyes and blond hair.
Showing sentence: Mary’s blue eyes glistened with joy, her blond hair bouncing with each step.
4) Fourth Example
Telling sentence: Molly is a wonderful person.
Showing sentence: Molly is always there when anyone needs her. She’s the first to arrive with a
casserole when someone is sick, the first to send a note of encouragement to those who are
troubled, the first to offer a hug to anyone ‐‐ man, woman or child ‐‐ at anytime.
5) Fifth Example
Telling sentence: It was very dark inside.
Showing sentence: I held my hand in front of my eyes but couldn’t see its outline. The walls
were invisible and it was impossible to see the bottom of the steep stairs.
6) Sixth Example
Telling sentence: The pizza was delicious.
Showing sentence: Mushrooms and pepperoni sausage were layered thickly on top of one
another while the white mozzarella cheese bubbled over the bright red tomato sauce.
Page | 4
7) Seven Example
Telling sentence: The house was haunted.
Showing sentence: The old house stood eerily abandoned on the hill, scaring everyone in the
neighborhood with creaking, breathing noises.
8) Eight Example
Telling sentence: Eating healthy is good for your body.
Showing sentence: The calcium in milk, cheese, yogurt, and other dairy products, the vitamins
in vegetables, and the protein in meal all help to keep our bodies strong and healthy.
9) Ninth Example
Telling sentence: I was really mad.
Showing sentence: I ran to the door, threw it open with a loud bang against the wall, and
yelled, “Get in this house right this minute! You are three hours late!”
10) Tenth Example
Telling sentence: Jim was so angry that Blair was afraid.
Showing sentence: Jim grabbed the front of Blair’s shirt and slammed him into the wall. Blair
fought to breathe, his heart hammering.
11) Eleventh Example
Telling sentence: The weather was bad.
Showing sentence: A harsh wind whipped through the trees. Dark clouds poured buckets of
rain that overran the gutters and spilled onto the sidewalks.
DRAW the readers in; MAKE them a part of what is happening.
SHOW the scene, GET them involved, GIVE it a dramatic impact,
SHOW them what’s happening now or how things happened by
painting your narrative with words. USE figurative language
(similes and metaphors), dialogue and descriptive words.

“”
### Justification for Modifications: Enhanced Understanding for Year 7 Student

#### Original Explanation:
The original worksheet offers a comprehensive and detailed introduction to the “Show, Don’t Tell” concept. Here are some key aspects:

1. Length and Density: The original text is lengthy and dense, which might be overwhelming for a Year 7 student. It includes a lot of information in one block, making it difficult to digest quickly.
2. Complex Language: The language used is relatively sophisticated, which might not be easily accessible to a younger student.
3. Abstract Examples: The analogies, such as comparing the writing process to being in a darkened movie theater, might not be immediately clear to younger students.
4. Depth of Explanation: The original worksheet delves deeply into the nuances of showing versus telling, which is excellent for advanced students but can be overcomplicated for a beginner.

#### Modified Explanation:
The modified worksheet aims to simplify and clarify the concept for a Year 7 student, ensuring that it is both engaging and educational in a 50-minute Zoom session.

Simplified and Concise:
- The modification begins with a clear, straightforward definition of “Show, Don’t Tell” and immediately follows with relevant examples.
- The explanation is broken down into shorter, more digestible segments, making it less overwhelming.

Accessible Language:
- The language is simplified to ensure comprehension. Terms like “lazy writing” and “vivid picture” are avoided to sidestep potential confusion.
- The modified worksheet avoids abstract analogies that might confuse the student.

Focused and Structured:
- The introduction is focused on imparting the basic concept first, followed by structured examples to reinforce learning.
- Each step is purposefully designed to build understanding incrementally, ensuring the student can follow along without feeling lost.

Interactive and Engaging:
- The modified worksheet includes interactive elements such as watching a video clip and expressing what is seen and felt. This makes the concept more tangible.
- Role-play and drawing activities keep the session dynamic and engage different learning styles.

Guided Practice:
- The guided practice section involves collaboration, ensuring the student is not left to figure out complex concepts alone.
- The examples provided in the worksheet are tackled together first, making sure the student understands the task before moving on to independent practice.

Here is the modified explanation for better understanding:

—

### Show, Don’t Tell: Writing Worksheet

—

#### Introduction to Show, Don’t Tell

“Show, Don’t Tell” is a magic technique that breathes life and energy into any story. The single best piece of advice you can receive to become a good writer is “Don’t tell me, show me.”

Telling sentences give information but it is general, non‐specific, and often vague. They don’t involve the reader. Showing sentences describe scenes and actions with clear, specific details, allowing readers to experience the scene as if they are right there.

#### Example:

Telling Sentence: Jack was afraid.
Showing Sentence: As the footsteps tapped closer and closer, Jack felt his stomach muscles tighten. He flattened himself to the wall, the gritty bricks against his cheek. Sweat chilled his palms. He used both hands to steady the gun.

Notice: In the “showing” sentence, we live through the scene with Jack. We hear the footsteps, feel the tension in his stomach, the cold dampness of his hands, and the grittiness of the brick. This makes Jack’s fear real to us.

—

### Warm-Up Activity: Video Clip

Start the lesson by watching a short (30 seconds to 1 minute) video clip with strong visual and emotional elements. Describe what you see and feel without naming any emotions. Focus on what actions and descriptive details you observe.

—

### Guided Practice: Transform Sentences (Example)

Let’s work on transforming some telling sentences into showing sentences together.

—

1. Telling Sentence: Lisa is a spoiled child.
- Showing Sentence: Lisa threw a tantrum, her face flushing red as she screamed for the toy she couldn’t have.

2. Telling Sentence: The party was great.
- Showing Sentence: The room buzzed with laughter and chatter, balloons hovering near the ceiling while music pulsed through the speakers.

—

3. Telling Sentence: The abandoned house was scary.
- Showing Sentence: The old house stood eerily abandoned on the hill, scaring everyone in the neighborhood with creaking, breathing noises.

4. Telling Sentence: The weather was bad.
- Showing Sentence: A harsh wind whipped through the trees. Dark clouds poured buckets of rain that overran the gutters and spilled onto the sidewalks.

5. Telling Sentence: School is boring.
- Showing Sentence: The teacher’s monotonous voice lulled me into a daze, and I stared out the window at the clock, willing the hands to move faster.

6. Telling Sentence: The food at the party was incredible.
- Showing Sentence: Mushrooms and pepperoni sausage were layered thickly on top of one another while the white mozzarella cheese bubbled over the bright red tomato sauce.

—

### Interactive Activity:

Draw or act out a scenario and then describe it using the “Show, Don’t Tell” technique:

1. Draw a scene or act out a scenario (e.g., someone being scared or a fun party).
2. Describe the scene using sensory details (sight, sound, smell, touch, taste).

—

### Independent Practice:

Rewrite the following telling sentences to show the scene using descriptive details. Use sensory details (sight, sound, smell, touch, taste) and actions to bring the sentences to life.

1. Telling Sentence: The trip was fun.
- Showing Sentence:

2. Telling Sentence: The new student was lonely.
- Showing Sentence:

3. Telling Sentence: My room is a mess.
- Showing Sentence:

4. Telling Sentence: The date was romantic.
- Showing Sentence:

—

#### Extra Activity: Descriptive Paragraph

Choose one of your showing sentences and expand it into a descriptive paragraph. Use all five senses (sight, sound, smell, touch, taste) to fully describe the scene.

—

### Conclusion:

Review and Recap:

1. Review the showing sentences you created.
2. Discuss any challenges you faced and strategies for improvement.
3. Recap the importance of “Show, Don’t Tell” in creative writing.
4. Encourage using this technique in all future writing.

Remember: Using descriptive and sensory details in your writing helps your readers feel like they are part of the story.

—

By doing these modifications, we ensure the material is more manageable, relatable, and engaging for a Year 7 student, particularly in an online learning environment where maintaining attention and fostering interaction are crucial.
i think the modified worksheet is patronizing and doesn’t challenge the student enough.
I understand your concern. The goal is to strike a balance between making the material accessible and ensuring it is intellectually stimulating. Let’s adjust the worksheet to ensure it is suitably challenging for a Year 7 student, without being patronizing. We’ll keep the content engaging and interactive while delving deeper into the nuance of “Show, Don’t Tell.”

Here is a revised version of the modified worksheet:

—

### Show, Don’t Tell: Writing Worksheet

—

#### Introduction to Show, Don’t Tell

“Show, Don’t Tell” is a fundamental technique in writing that brings stories to life by immersing the reader in the scene. Instead of telling the reader a character is angry or happy, showing allows the reader to experience the character’s emotions and actions through detailed description.

#### Example:

Telling Sentence: Jack was afraid.
Showing Sentence: As the footsteps tapped closer and closer, Jack’s stomach churned. He pressed himself against the wall, feeling the gritty bricks on his cheek. His palms dampened with sweat, and he gripped the gun with trembling hands.

Notice: In the “showing” sentence, we live through the scene with Jack. We experience his fear through his physical reactions and sensory details, making the scene more vivid and real.

—

### Warm-Up Activity: Observational Exercise

Start the lesson by describing a recent personal experience or a scene from a favorite book or movie. Focus on the sensory details and the emotions you felt, without explicitly naming those emotions. This will prime you for transforming simple statements into immersive descriptions.

—

### Guided Practice: Transform Sentences (Examples)

Let’s work on transforming some telling sentences into showing sentences together.

—

1. Telling Sentence: Lisa is a spoiled child.
- Showing Sentence: Lisa threw a fit, her face reddening as she screamed for the toy, stamping her feet in frustration until her mother gave in.

2. Telling Sentence: The party was great.
- Showing Sentence: The room buzzed with laughter and chatter, vibrant decorations lit up by the twinkle lights while upbeat music pulsed through the speakers, drawing everyone to the dance floor.

—

3. Telling Sentence: The abandoned house was scary.
- Showing Sentence: The old house stood on the hill, its windows shattered and doors hanging askew. Each step on the creaking floorboards echoed through the empty halls, sending chills down my spine.

4. Telling Sentence: The weather was bad.
- Showing Sentence: A fierce wind howled through the trees, bending them almost to breaking point. Dark clouds loomed, and rain lashed down, turning the road into a murky river.

5. Telling Sentence: School is boring.
- Showing Sentence: The teacher’s monotonous voice droned on while I stared at the clock, its hands inching forward painfully slowly. My notebook lay open, untouched, as I doodled absentmindedly on the margins.

6. Telling Sentence: The food at the party was incredible.
- Showing Sentence: Each bite of the pizza was a symphony of flavors—savory pepperoni, earthy mushrooms, and bubbling mozzarella melding into the tangy tomato sauce, an absolute delight.

—

### Independent Practice:

Rewrite the following telling sentences to show the scene using descriptive details. Use sensory details (sight, sound, smell, touch, taste) and actions to bring the sentences to life.

1. Telling Sentence: The trip was fun.
- Showing Sentence:

2. Telling Sentence: The new student was lonely.
- Showing Sentence:

3. Telling Sentence: My room is a mess.
- Showing Sentence:

4. Telling Sentence: The date was romantic.
- Showing Sentence:

—

### Extra Activity: Descriptive Paragraph

Choose one of your showing sentences and expand it into a descriptive paragraph. Use all five senses (sight, sound, smell, touch, taste) to fully describe the scene.

—

### Conclusion:

Review and Recap:

1. Review the showing sentences you created.
2. Discuss any challenges you faced and strategies for improvement.
3. Recap the importance of “Show, Don’t Tell” in creative writing.
4. Encourage using this technique in all future writing.

Remember: Using descriptive and sensory details in your writing helps your readers feel like they are part of the story.

—

Great job today! Keep practicing “Show, Don’t Tell” to make your writing vivid and engaging.

—

This version of the worksheet aims to challenge the student by delving deeper into the technique and encouraging thoughtful and detailed descriptive writing. The language is respectful and assumes a certain level of competence and interest from the student, while still making the concept accessible.
Please provide possible answers:

“”

### Independent Practice:

Rewrite the following telling sentences to show the scene using descriptive details. Use sensory details (sight, sound, smell, touch, taste) and actions to bring the sentences to life.

1. Telling Sentence: The trip was fun.
- Showing Sentence:

2. Telling Sentence: The new student was lonely.
- Showing Sentence:

3. Telling Sentence: My room is a mess.
- Showing Sentence:

4. Telling Sentence: The date was romantic.
- Showing Sentence:

—

### Extra Activity: Descriptive Paragraph

Choose one of your showing sentences and expand it into a descriptive paragraph. Use all five senses (sight, sound, smell, touch, taste) to fully describe the scene.“”
### Independent Practice: Suggested Answers

Rewrite the following telling sentences to show the scene using descriptive details. Use sensory details (sight, sound, smell, touch, taste) and actions to bring the scenes to life.

1. Telling Sentence: The trip was fun.
- Showing Sentence: The air was filled with joyous laughter as we zipped down the roller coaster, the wind whipping through our hair. The smell of cotton...""