" # small talk

“What if I had talked to this or that person…? Where would I be today?”

> become friends in a matter of minutes
“Hi. Where are you from?” can open a door to a thousand conversations
If you are conversing with other people, then you need to direct and focus your attention on them, and be in the moment.
People want to be heard, understood, and feel that they are not alone
“What do you think of this rainy weather?”
a deeper, more advanced level of listening that comes with a commitment to listening, hearing, and understanding what the other person is trying to say
some people are born with it / some need guidance
Habits: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
Habits are important in forming the person you are and the person you are becoming. They are the patterns and beliefs that you’ve trained both your mind and body into believing.
Good and bad ones develop from our own beliefs, and the beliefs of people who have helped to train our minds such as our parents, teachers, and friends.
Habits are mostly created from our own experiences. When something feels good, we have a tendency to keep doing it over and over until it eventually becomes a good (or bad) habit.
It’s really a risk vs. reward scenario. [“things-that-work” category/ “things-that-don’t work” category]
With each new social interaction, your body and mind will either reward you with a good feeling or a bad one.
> 

> location: If you know what or who you are looking for [coffee shop, grocery store, laundromat, gym, the street, school, adult sports league, the mall, concerts, bar, volunteering, church, )
> 

Method: meetup groups, book(or mi=0vie) club, at work, airplane, hotel,

> “I’m a little nervous talking to you because I normally don’t talk to strangers and I wanted to ask you…(ask your curious question).”
Or “I’m curious, how come you like the Dodgers yet you live in Florida.”
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> “Hey can I get your opinion really quick. Which do you like better (hold up shirt A), or (hold up shirt B)?”
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> have a “professional voice” when at work, and a “more relaxed, playful voice” when at home
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> Go ahead and create your own Stranger, and give him or her a name
“the hairstylists powerful question technique.”
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> 5 important questions you need to answer
What is your name?
Where are you from?
What do you do?
Who are you here with?
What do you do for fun?
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Who do you help?
How are you helping them?
Who are you here with or How do you know each other?

> “I like hitting the golf ball around with a few friends. It’s good exercise, great to be outside, and I’m playing in the local tournament this July.”
> 

> Take note of what you like and don’t like.
you are one of those “aliens” who actually listen
turn off all distractions, and turn on your ears, eyes, and intuition
“I:You” ratio to be 1:3
One of the greatest gifts we can give to others is our ears, eyes, and heart for listening; to show that we genuinely understand, and are acknowledging the beautiful human being standing right in front of you. You may even begin to notice how quickly people will fall in love with you, by simply listening and understanding.
> 

> Monotone is boring
Despite the fact that the instructor might be Einstein intelligent, this teacher could not draw the listeners in due to her lack of enthusiasm for the subject.
enunciate your words audibly so that each syllable is crystal clear {DO NOT MUMBLE}
Belief 1: I feel awesome.
Belief 2: I am friendly, open-minded, and people want to meet me.
after 5 minutes of tossing words back and forth, you should know if this is a person you want to continue small talking with and possibly add to your life, or if you want to move on
the sexual sparks when someone is turned on
eyes movement
“emotion guesser” By tossing this fear out the window and transforming it into excitement simply with the power of thought
gateway into a person's mind
eye contact [look at the middle point between their eyebrows ----- imagine that there is a letter “T” on the face of the person]
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> Belief 3: I am confident, successful, and fun. {body language}
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> “It sometimes brings greater courage to be truthful, regardless of what those who do not understand may think or say.”
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> This is the beauty of being human. This is why we need each other to help one another out.
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> It is impossible to be good at everything, and therefore allow what you are good at to glow within the darkness unless you bring it to the surface. At the same time, be vulnerable and realistic if you aren’t good at something too. It will allow people to be more open, vulnerable, and get to the heart of what matters.
> 

Greetings:

> keep it chest to chest
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Belief 4: I am in the present moment. [one task at a time]

> When conversing, whether it is on the phone or in person, the person in front of you deserves to have your full attention or else you are both wasting each other’s time.
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Belief 5: I am positive and exert positive energy. [People want to talk to people who make them feel good.]

> In uncomfortable situations, it is best to use negative body language to get out of a conversation.  Glance at your watch and say, “I apologize, but I need to go to ______(any place – the bathroom, a meeting, an appointment). It was nice to meet you.”
> 

Belief 6: I know what to say and when to say it.

> top conversation topics of all time
-psychology
> 
- travelling
-movies
-sex(gender)
“What’s the best way to know if someone is interested in me?”
“Who do you think is funnier – men or women – why?”,
“What’s the best way to approach a beautiful woman?”
“Is it socially acceptable for a woman to approach a man she’s attracted to?”
“How long should I wait to call a woman after she’s given me her phone number?”

> a pre-opener such as a “Hey!” or “Hi.”
-Hobby [people enjoy talking about what they love]
“What do you do for fun?”
-food
-career
sports
You might start a conversation like, “Did you hear about…..?” “Can you believe that ……….. happened?” or “What do you think about ……..?”
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> Belief 7: I genuinely like people and believe that everyone has good intentions.
Neuroliguistic Programming
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> Belief 8: I can relate to anybody, and everybody
Comfort can be built faster with genuine commonalities.
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- the solution to cure a dull conversation is to start a new topic

> Belief 9: I am my best self
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Show your vulnerabilities and be human. We all feel a wide range of emotions, from fear to excitement – and what makes us different is the amount we feel those emotions, the intensity of them, and the experiences that trigger those emotions.

> get small doses of adrenaline rush
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> Belief 10: I will decide whether this is a person I want to add to my life.
-Once you feel the connecting point, then it’s up to decide if this person you want to invite into your life.
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.Belief 11: I will remember names and important details about my conversation.

> Imaging how unimportant and insignificant you feel when other people forget your name.
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.Repetition is one way to help you remember names. A helpful strategy is to say, “Nice to meet you, John.”

> Everybody wants to have an interesting personality that separates you from the rest of the crowd.
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> to feed the other person with appetizing questions to get him talking
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> juicy and thought-provoking open-ended questions:
What do you want in life?
What is your purpose?
What do you want more of in your life?
What does fun mean to you? What else?
Is money or job satisfaction more important to you? How come?
How do you believe that money and career are related? How does that apply to your life?
What is holding you back from living your dream?
> 
- The Awkward Moment Solutions

Environment, compliments, [Wait 4 seconds for the compliment to register and for him or her to accept it,]

Topics To Avoid In Small-Talk
-politics, financial aspect, age, gossiping, offensive jokes,

> Small talk is a process that will gain you friends, business partners, networking opportunities, potential romantic pursuits, and the opportunity to advance and become who you desire to be in the world.  As the saying goes, “it’s not what you know, it’s who you know,” so get out there and small talk.
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Life is the grandest experience and ultimate experiment – and it is your choice on which perspective you choose to approach life.

> Personal Growth Questions
●       What do you want in life?
●       What is your dream?
●       What is your purpose?
●       What else?
●       In 1 month from now, where do you want to be? 3 months? 6 months? 1 year?
●       What are you searching for?
●       How will it feel to be there?
●       What are you grateful for?
●       Who do you want to be?
●       What does that look like?
●       What is important to you?
●       Why is that important to you?
●       Who do you admire or what type of person do you look up to? If he/she could offer you advice, what would it be?
●       What are you 3 of your best qualities that you can bring to the situation?
●       Tell me more.
●       Imagine how it would feel once you accomplish this.
●       What is getting in the way of living the life you want to live?
●       Why do you want to be like this?
●       What will this bring you?
●       What do you need to do to get there?
●       What do you value in life?
●       What’s the challenge here?
●       If you could do one thing everyday, something that excites you to get out of bed everyday, what would that be?
●       What’s stopping you?
●       Where can you get that information?
●       What are the 5 most important things in your life? What else do you want?
●       What excites you and makes you feel alive?
●       What makes you smile? How can you add more of that to your day? (to your life?)
●       If you were to paint a picture of your life one year from now, what would it be?
●       How have you changed from when you were 10 years old? 20? 30?
●       If your life were to represent a color in this exact moment, what would that be? Why? What does this color mean to you?
●       Imagine you were 95, what would you like to say about your life?
●       Lets set a deadline. When do you want to accomplish this by?
●       How will you know you have accomplished it?
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Relationship Questions:

●       What would you rate your current relationship on a scale of 1 to 10 (with 1 being terrible and 10 being excellent)?
●       What do you like about your relationship?
●       What do you want more of in your relationship?

●       When you think of this relationship, how does it make you feel?
●       What is something you’ve wanted to tell your partner, but have resisted due to fear?
●       What do you want?
●       What are the 3 most important qualities that the person must have?
●       What are the 3 qualities that you can not stand in a partner?
●       Can you see yourself with him/her 20 years from now?
●       What do you want more of?
●       What is the first step to getting more of what you want?
●       What does your intuition say?
●       Who are you in the relationship?
●       What have you learned from your past (or current) relationship?
●       What would your life be like if this person were to die tomorrow?
●       What would you tell this person if you knew that today were his/her last day?
●       Who do you have to be to attract this type of person?
●       When do you want this by?
●       Where do these type of people hang out? Where else?
●       How would your best friend (or the person who knows and understands you best) describe you?
●       Let’s say a similar situation happens again, what will you do differently?
●       Looking at the big picture, how important is this to you?

> Fun Questions
> 

●       What do you want more of in your life?
●       What does fun mean to you? What else?
●       If you had more fun in your life, how would that feel?
●       When you are having fun, who so you see with you?
●       On a Scale of 1 – 10 (with 10 being the highest), what do you rate the level of fun in your life today? Where do you want it to be tomorrow? One week from now? One month from now?

●       How important is fun to you?
●       When you were 10 years old, what was fun to you? What if you were to bring that feeling back into your life?
●       What if we were to remove fun from your life? What would your life be like?
●       If you had one day that was dedicated to having fun, what would you do?

●       What is one thing you’ve always wanted to do, but haven't due to fear?
●       How can you bring more fun into your life?

> Health Questions
●       What does it mean to be healthy to you?
●       What would you rate your current level of health on a scale on 1 to 10 (with 10 being excellent)? What do you want it to be?
●       What would you look like if your health were a 10? How would you feel?
●       What would your day look like if your health were a 10?
●       What do you want to improve?
●       What is possible?
●       What else?
●       Who will support you?
●       What are the other options?
●       What is best for you?
●       What are the consequences of not improving your health?
●       When do you want to accomplish this by?
●       Why do you want this?
●       If your life depended on taking action, what would you do today? Tomorrow?
●       How will you know when your health is a 10?
> 

> Career Questions
> 

●       If you could do anything, and knew you couldn’t fail, what would you do? Why?
●       Who do you have to be (an adjective, or a real or fictional character) to get where you want?
●       Who do you admire? What would he/she say to you right now?
●       What is your greatest strength? How can you bring more of that to you current (or future) career?
●       What are you passionate about? What things get you excited?
●       Is money or job satisfaction more important to you?
●       How do you believe that money and career are related? How does that apply to your life?
●       What are you afraid of?
●       Can you be more specific?
●       What area do you need more clarity with?

●       Who can you talk to in order to get more clarity on your decision?
●       What would it feel like to be there (or have that career)?
●       Let’s set a deadline. When do you want this by?

> Money Questions
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●       If I were to give you 1 million dollars today, what would you do with it? How important is that to you? In one year from now, what will you feel about the way your money was spent?
●       What are the possibilities?
●       What are your fears (around money)?
●       What do you need to say no to in your life in order to make more money?
●       What do you need?
●       What do you want to make more money for?
●       Who do you want to make more money for?
●       What will more money bring you?
●       What’s stopping you from achieving your financial goals?
●       What mindset do you need to have to accomplish this?
●       Who are you?  Create a metaphor (e.g. I am the glorious money tree who attracts money and gives other what they need.)
●       What does success mean to you?
●       How will others perceive you if you reach your financial goals? Is that important to you?
●       What will you need to do to achieve this?
●       What are the consequences of not achieving your financial goals?
●       What is the action plan?
●       When will you have X amount of money by?

Physical Location Questions:
●       What do you rate your level of happiness with your physical location (on a scale of 1- 10, with 10 being the highest)?

●       Where do you want to be?
●       If you could live anywhere – no restrictions, where would it be?
●       Imagine your ideal location. What is around you (e.g. mountains, beach, farms)?
●       What are the people like?
●       Who else is there?
●       What does you life look like on a daily basis?
●       How important is it for you to get there?
●       What is stopping you from getting there?
●       What are you afraid of?

●       What excites you?
●       What’s stopping you from getting there?
●       How would you feel if you never achieved it?
●       What do you need more of? What can you do to get it?
●       When do you want to be there? How will it feel once you are there?
 
 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>. Master Questions For Elaboration and More Coaching Questions
●       What do you mean by that?
●       Let’s take an outside perspective. What does your life look like now?
●       What is important about that?
●       What does that mean to you?
●       What is your perspective? What is another perspective?
●       How do you see it?
●       What would that look like?
●       How do you feel about that?
●       Can you tell me more?
●       What’s stopping you?
●       What do you want from today’s session?
●       What is worse – failing or never trying?
●       If you could offer a child one word of advice, what would it be?
●       How can you bring more joy to your life?
●       Are you living for yourself or for someone else?
●       What other thoughts do you have about this?
●       How else do you feel about this?
●       Can you give me an example?
●       What have you learned?
●       So what’s the advice here?
●       Do you need a reminder? What can you use to remind yourself?
●       One year from now, what will you think about today?
●       Are you ready to make a commitment?
●       Would you like me to hold you accountable?
●       Where are you now (in the present moment)?
●       What is the emotion here? Tell me about it.
●       What’s your body telling you? What are you noticing?" reconsile this and give me better version... think deep [this is about small talk]