South Park Elementary School Cafeteria, lunchtime. The boys are at the center table once again, with the girls off to screen right. This time there are 10 boys present, 5 on each side. On the left are Butters, Kyle, Stan, Cartman, and Kenny. On the right are Clyde, Craig, Jimmy, Tolkien, and Jason
Cartman
Hahahahaha, look at Kenny's lunch, a bologna sandwich and water! Hahaha, Goddamn your family's poor, dude. [Kenny indeed has a plain bologna sandwich and a glass of water.]
Butters
Hey, you fellas wanna go see High School Musical 3 tonight? Bunch of kids from school are gonna see it again.
Kyle
What's High School Musical 3?
Clyde
You know, the sequel to High School Musical 1 and 2.
Stan
What's High School Musical 1 and 2?
Cartman
There's not- there's not even condiments on his bologna sandwich! [Kenny glares at Cartman.]
Jason
What's High School Musical 1 and... Dude, it's only the most popular thing with kids in our age group!
Jimmy
Yeah. Where the hell have you guys ...been?
Craig
Peru.
At the table behind the second row of boys, the girls begin to laugh
Bebe
And then I saw High School Musical 3 again on Friday, and guess who was there? Bridon Gueermo.
Millie
Bridon Gueermo? Oh, he's such a dream!
Red
I'd give anything to be with Bridon Gueermo, but he'd never go for me. I'm nobody.
Wendy
That's not true, Red. Everyone has something that makes them unique. [stands on the bench in place and sings]
Everyone is special in their own way.
Move to the beat and let your spirit out! [the girls begin to snap their fingers]

Bebe
As long as we've got each other, we'll never have any trouble.

Girls' Table
That's what bein' friends is about.
[Cue full instrumentation]
(Oh ye-ah)
[the girls stand on the benches and face the boys]
Everyone is special in their own way, and we'll always be together as one.

Cartman
[puzzled] What the hell are they doing?
Girls' Table
- Together as one -
Stan
I have no idea. [the other boys turn in their seats to get a better view]
Girls' Table
As long as we stick together, together we'll stay.
And every kid in school is special in their own way.

Cartman
Dude, girls are such fags. [suddenly, Clyde, Craig, Jimmy, Tolkien, and Jason leave the table and join the girls]
Boys' table except for The Boys
Oh yeah, oh yeah!

Boys:
[Dancing]
Boys... are special in their own way.

Girls:
[Dancing]
Girls... are special like a birthday.

Kids:
We'll always be dancin' and singin' aloud. Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh!

Heidi
Here he comes.

[the kids make way for a new boy, Bridon Gueermo, who dances towards the camera]
Bridon Gueermo
I like havin' fun in the hot summer sun (wooo!)
An' groovin' to the beat when my homework is all done. (yeah!)
If you ask me what I know, then you know what I will say?
That every single body is special in their own way.

Stan
[while the boy is singing] Who the hell is that?
Butters
Why that's Bridon Gueermo. He's just a third grader, but he can sing and dance better than anybody.
Bebe
[swooning, walks over to the boys] He's already seen High School Musical 3 over a hundred times.
Kids
Everyone is special in their own way

Bridon
Special in their own way!

Kids:
Move to the beat and let your spirit out!

Bridon
Let it out! Party people!

Kids
As long as we have each other, we'll never have any trouble.
That's what bein' friends is about.

Kyle
Are we the only ones here who are completely confused?
Stan
Yeah, I guess we'd better check that movie out...
Stan's house. The boys are watching High School Musical. They're watching a musical sequence with all singing and dancing on tables and up and downstairs. It's quite an elaborate presentation
Singers
You've gotta go with the status quo. If you wanna be a regular Joe. (come on now)
And your dreams are only a beat away; don't let 'em tell you no. (tell you no-o-o)
You've gotta go with the status quo. Keep singing 'bout the status quo (keep singing 'bout the status)
That's the place we know (get down now)
We're all in our high school dancing on tables singing 'bout what we know (singing 'bout what we know)
We've gotta go with the status quo, go with the status quo. (go with the status)
Go with the status quo (go with the status quo). That's where we should go. (Go there now)
Copies of pop songs packaged by Disney and turned into a show (into a show).
That's the status quo! That's the status quo (That's the status quo) That's the status quohh!

That's the place we know (get down now)
We're all in our high school dancing on tables singing 'bout what we know (singing 'bout what we know)
We've gotta go with the status quo, go with the status quo. (go with the status)
Go with the status-

During this number, the following conversation takes place. At first, the boys are silently watching the TV, then
Cartman
This... is cool? This... is cool. We are really gettin' old, you guys. [silence follows for a few seconds, then Stan holds up the DVD case]
Stan
Says this DVD sold more copies than any DVD ever made.
Kyle
They just released part 3 in theaters and it made 80 million opening weekend.
Cartman
Well, I'm out guys. [get up from the sofa, puts on his jacket, and heads for the front door] If this is what's cool now, I think I'm done. I no longer have any connection to this world. I'm gonna go home and kill myself. Goodbye, friends.
Stan
I don't care how popular being like these kids becomes, I'm not doing it.
Kyle
I'm not doing it either. Kenny?
Kenny
(No way in hell I'm doing it.)
Stan
All right, do we promise? We have to swear to each other right now we'll never become this. [holds up his right hand. Kyle holds his right hand up as well, and Kenny holds up his left]
Kyle
I swear
Kenny
(I swear too.)
Stan
Okay, good.
South Park Elementary, Garrison's class. Kids begin taking their seats. Stan is writing something as Cartman comes in and sits down
Cartman
Ehhhhhhh. [Stan stops writing]
Kyle
What happened? I thought you were gonna kill yourself.
Cartman
I tried. Went to sleep in my mom's car in the garage with the engine turned on.
Stan
But you didn't die?
Cartman
...Freakin' hybrids, man. They just don't do the trick anymore. [The bell rings and Mr. Garrison walks in with his books]
Mr. Garrison
All right, kids in seats, kids in seats. [the last few kids take their seats] Today we are going to discuss the Berlin Wall. [He writes "Berlin Wall" on the chalkboard] This was a wall in Germany that actually separated the Communist east side and the Democratic west side.
Wendy
[stands up on the seat of her desk] East side, west side, whatever side that you're on. [some kids begin to snap their fingers]

Bebe
As long as we care about each other we can still have some fun.

Kyle
Aw man.
Class
Don't sweat what you might get by assuming the other side as a threat

Mr. Garrison
[beaming] Oh, you kids. [Stan buries his face in his hand]</poem>
Class
Each side is right or wrong, we've gotta learn to all get along.

Bridon
[enters the classroom] East side, west side, doesn't matter to me.
We've gotta learn to power through, set each other free.

Wendy
We don't care what other people wear or the way they like to style their hair.

[Stan looks at them both and begins to worry that Bridon might sweep her away]
Bridon, Wendy
Each side is right or wrong, we've gotta learn to all get along.

Class
East siiide, west siiide, east siiide...

Cartman:
[looking around and getting pissed off] God this sucks!
The hallway, later on. Wendy's at her locker putting some books away. Stan is far enough away that she doesn't notice him, but he's watching her. Jimmy walks up to him
Jimmy
Do you feel like maybe you're l-l-losin' her, S-Stan?
Stan
I don't know. There's nothin' I can do about it anyway.
Jimmy
M-Maybe you should just talk to her. You know, a little conversation. Tell her... what you feel.
Sometimes you feel like there's a b-burnin' inside you, like a-

Stan
Stop. [holds his left hand out, palm out, for emphasis, and walks away. Jimmy stops singing]
Jimmy
All righty then.
Stan
[walks up to Wendy] Uh, Wendy?
Wendy
[looks at him] Hey Stan.
Stan
Look, I just want you to know, if you want to, you know, be with that Bridon kid, then you should.
Wendy
What?
Stan
I mean, I see the way you two are together and I don't wanna be in your way.
Wendy
Stan, that's ridiculous.
Stan
It is?
Wendy
I would never leave you for Bridon.
Stan
[brightens up] Really?
Wendy
No way. That's stupid. I wouldn't have a chance with Bridon; he can be with any girl he wants. [shuts her locker and walks away, kissing Stan on the left cheek. Jimmy arrives two seconds later]
Jimmy
There you go. Feel better, p-pal? [Stan stays quiet]
Stan walks through some double doors and continues down the hallway. The doors close behind him
Stan
What am I supposed to do? Can't just sit back and watch some kid steal my girlfriend away. [at an intersection he takes a left turn] I mean, Wendy said she'd never leave me for him. [kids appear behind him and follow him] But what if she just doesn't wanna hurt my feelings? She said he could get any girl he wants, and that means if he wanted, he could have my girl. [the kids begin to snap their fingers] This is all so crazy. I mean really, how could my day get any worse? [noticing the finger-snapping, he stops walking and looks around. The kids wait for him to start singing and dancing] No-no, no, I'm not doing it! I'm not doing it!
Kids
Awww. [murmurs follow]
Stan
No, fuck off. I'm not doing it.
Kids
Awww. [more murmuring. As they disperse, Butters walks up to Stan]
Butters
Awww jeez, you're no fun. [turns right and walks away. At the other end of the hall, Bridon rounds a corner and dances down the hallway in Stan's direction]
Bebe
Hey Bridon.
Bridon
Hey.
Lola
Hi Bridon.
Bridon
Hi.
Heidi, Millie
Hey Bridon.
Bridon
Hey.
Stan
[now hiding behind a corner. Bridon passes by him unaware] Hey, kid, over here. [Bridon looks around and finds Stan, then walks over to him] Hey, uh, listen. You know this whole singing and dancing thing you do? I think you need to uh, ease off a little bit.
Bridon
Huh?
Stan
Yeah, look, I-I know you think the kids in school like you, but, actually they're all getting really annoyed.
Bridon
They are?
Stan
Yeah. You don't know 'cause you're just a third grader, but, take it from me, [gets stern] you're driving everyone crazy.
Bridon
I don't blame 'em. All that singing and dancing? I can't stand it.
Stan
You don't like doing it?
Bridon
It just isn't me. What I really wanna do is just... play basketball.
Stan
Basketball?
Bridon
I love it! Always have. I never miss a game on TV ...when my dad isn't making me rehearse. I'd love to quit singing and dancing forever and just play ball.
Stan
Dude, you should do that! You should join the basketball team, right now!
Bridon
I can't.
Stan
[firmly] Yes, you can. What's stopping you?
Bridon
[sighs deeply] It's my dad. He thinks basketball is for sissies. If I don't do what he wants, he beats me.
Stan
No, dude, listen, you need to take a stand and tell your dad what you want!
Bridon
Really?
Stan
When you grow up and you're a fourth grader, you'll understand that you have to be tough and direct with your parents. Go to your dad and tell him you wanna give up singing and dancing, and join the basketball team.
Bridon
You know... you're right. I'm gonna talk to my old man tonight. [walks away]
Stan
[proud of himself] Sweet.
Bridon's house, night. He's seated at the table for dinner. His mom enters the dining room with the main dish, a casserole. The dining room is lined with posters from various musicals - Phantom of the Opera, Mamma Mia... Felines. A full-length mirror is also present
Mrs. Gueermo
Sit up properly, Bridon. You know how strict your father is about posture. [serves out the casserole] All right dear, dinner's ready!
Mr. Gueermo
[struts in, checks himself out in the mirror, and takes his seat at the head of the table] Okay, let's eat!
Bridon
Dad, I need to talk to you about somethin'.
Mr. Gueermo:
Ooo, that sounds emotional! [holds his hand against his ear to listen better]
What is it son? What's on your mind? Whatever it is, you know your dad has the time.

Bridon
No, Dad, can we just talk?
Mr. Gueermo
If you can talk it, you can sing it. [gets up and dances to the mirror again] You can lay down the rhythm and bring it! Just put a melody to the words that you're sayin' and sing the beat-

Bridon
Dad, I want to join the basketball team. [his Dad is upset. He turns around and faces Bridon]
Mr. Gueermo
What did you say?
Bridon
This kid at school today told me I should do what I wanna do. That's what I really wanna do.
Mr. Gueermo
Basketball? No son of mine is going to be a sweaty little jock!
Bridon
But Dad, it's what I really want.
Mr. Gueermo
There's no singing and dancing in basketball!
Bridon
I know. That's kind of why I like it.
Mr. Gueermo
Don't you even think about it! If I had a jock for a son, I'd be the laughingstock of the men's choir club.
Bridon
It's my life, Dad!
Mr. Gueermo
Don't make me slap you! [raises his right hand, ready to slap] I will slap your face so super hard... [Bridon quickly leaves the table and his dad sits back down] I am the man of this house! You disrespect me and you're gonna get slapped!
Mrs. Gueermo
Maybe you should let him try it.
Mr. Gueermo
What did you say, woman?!
Mrs. Gueermo
You aren't being fair.
Mr. Gueermo
That's it! I'm gonna slap you!
Mrs. Gueermo
No, please.
Mr. Gueermo
[begins to sing and slap]
I slap you!

Mrs. Gueermo
Ahh!
Mr. Gueermo
I slap you!

Mrs. Gueermo
Ohh!
Mr. Gueermo
I slap, slap, slap you!

Mrs. Gueermo
Dohh!
Mr. Gueermo
Slapping you, slapping you, silly, 'cause you disrespected me.

Mrs. Gueermo
Ooohohoo!
South Park Elementary. The four boys approach the school
Cartman
You guys, I need to copy your math homework before class.
Kyle
You're not copying my homework, you lazy turd.
Cartman
Fuck you, Kyle! [upon entering the building, they are met by a pre-class musical production]
Kids
And you know, we're together at school again.

Jimmy
School again.

Stan
Aww!
Kids
With all of our friends, and you know, we'll be doing this forever.

Cartman
Oh God, shut up!
Kids
Together at school again. What a special day.

Cartman
Shut. Up. Shut. Up. Shut. Uuup!
Kids
We could say that neverrrrrrrrrrr
Goes away.

The school bell rings and everyone goes to class. Stan catches up to Bridon
Stan
Hey kid, what happened?! I-I thought you didn't wanna sing and dance anymore?!
Bridon
Yeah, well, my dad blew a gasket when I told him and, then he beat my mom.
Stan
Dude, what did I tell you?! You have to be tough and stand up for yourself! [sees someone down the hall] Mr. Garrett, Mr. Garrett. [Mr. Garrett, the school coach, is eating an apple] This kid wants to join the basketball team. He's really good.
Mr. Garrett
Really?
Bridon
[looks down and away] Look, I should be getting to class.
Mr. Garrett
Hey, we sure could use you, kid. I could never find enough kids that wanna play ball. All the kids and the school funding go to the theater department.
Stan
You see? They need you. This is fate, kid, fate.
Bridon
I don't know...
Mr. Garrett
Look, just come in at recess and shoot some ball with the team.
Stan
Yeah, just go in at recess and shoot some ball with the team, God damn it!
Bridon
Okay.
Recess. The basketball team is assembled in the school gym. Bridon is at the free-throw line and shoots
Mr. Garrett
Aayy, that's great, Bridon.
Bridon
Thanks.
Jason
We might have a chance at winning now. [the doors open at the far end of the gym and Mr. Gueermo enters]
Mr. Gueermo
Bridon!
What are you doing here? What are you doing here? Bupow! Bupow! Bupow!

Bridon
Dad, I was just messin' around.
Mr. Gueermo
I drove by the school and saw kids on the playground doing a music number and you weren't there! You're here in the sports gym shooting basket hoops!
Mr. Garrett
Eh, your kid is really good at this.
Mr. Gueermo
Don't talk to me, stupid jock asshole! [Bridon puts his arm up in self-defense]
Mr. Garrett
Just... go easy on him, huh?
Mr. Gueermo
[gasps, then raises his right hand up to strike] You know what this means? It means you're about to get slapped, so you'd better shut up!
Mr. Garrett
If he wants to play ball, you should let him.
Mr. Gueermo
I'll do it! I'll slap the shit out of you!
Mr. Garrett
He's just a kid.
Mr. Gueermo
[slap] You don't tell me how to raise my son! I'll slap it again. [slap]
Bridon
Dad, stop!
Mr. Gueermo
You're trying to turn my son into a little asshole sports person like yourself [slaps with his left hand this time] There, there's another slap! Maybe you'll think next time you act, you- [right-hand slap] Slap it, I'll slap it! [left-hand slap. He then pulls Bridon out of the gym.]
Bridon
Ow, Dad. Dad, you're hurting me.
Mr. Gueermo
Shut up, Bridon! [as he reaches the doors, they open and Mr. Mackey appears]
Mr. Mackey
Uh, what's going on here, Mr. Gueermo?
Mr. Gueermo
Get out of my way, Mackey. You wanna piece of this?! [Mackey doesn't reply, but he slaps him anyway] I'll slap everyone in this God damned school if I have to! [exits the gym, but returns to slap Mackey again, then leaves again]
In the hallway, father and son hurry along.
Mr. Gueermo
You are never going to play shooting hoops, do you understand?! [Stan watches them walk by, his plan dashed] You are going to sing and dance and be the best at it!
Bridon
You're hurting my arm.
Mr. Gueermo
Stupid-ass boy!
Stan
[sighs deeply] Ah, shit.
Scott's house. Cartman, Kyle, and Kenny are playing a video game.
Cartman
Oh that's good, that's good. Yeah. Shoot that guy in the face, Kyle. [Stan walks into the living room and stands to one side of the sofa] Yeah, nice.
Stan
You guys, this High School Musical thing isn't gonna go away. I think we'd better just get on board with it.
Kyle
What? Are you crazy?
Cartman
No way dude.
Kyle
We promised each other we would never do that, remember?
Kenny
(Yeah.)
Stan
I know, but... I think we're really starting to become outcasts at school. We're losing all our credibility. I mean, look at who you guys are hanging out with now. Scott Malkinson, for Christ's sake.
Scott Malkinson
What's so bad about hanging out with me?
Cartman
Shut up, Scott Malkinson. "I'm <PRESIDIO_ANONYMIZED_PERSON>. I've got a lisp and I've got diabetes."
Scott
Hey, don't make fun of my diabetes!
Cartman
"Don't make fun of my diabetes, I'm <PRESIDIO_ANONYMIZED_PERSON>." [Kenny laughs]
Stan
You can rip on him, but you guys are hanging out with him. Doesn't that make you think maybe your clout at school has slipped a little?
Kyle
Stan, you're just jealous of that third grader and you think Wendy's gonna go for him unless you start singing and dancing too.
Kenny
(Yeah!)
Stan
That isn't true! [no one challenges] Okay, that's totally true. But you guys, we are at risk of becoming the unpopular kids
Scott
Hey, that was supposed to be my power-up pack.
Cartman
"That was supposed to be my power-up pack, I'm <PRESIDIO_ANONYMIZED_PERSON> and I have diabetes."
The Gueermo house, living room, night. Bridon looks out the window as his father dances to High School Musical on screen
Mr. Gueermo
Yadada yadada yadada dadadadada High School Musical is so awesome. [the doorbell rings and Mr. Gueermo pauses the video and prances to the door. He opens it and two adults appear]
Male CPS Agent
Mister... Gueermo?
Mr. Gueermo
[barks] What?
Male CPS Agent
[shows his official badge] We're from Child Protective Services. [puts it away] There's some concern you might be physically abusing your child?
Mr. Gueermo
What? Who the hell's been saying that?!
Female CPS Agent
We got a phone call from a concerned student who wishes to remain anonymous.
Male CPS Agent
His name is Stan Marsh.
Mr. Gueermo
You'd better just turn your asses around and get back in your little car, 'cause there's a world of hurt about to come your way!
Male CPS Agent
Mr. Gueermo, we need to come in and have a word with your son.
Mr. Gueermo
[performs a sweeping gesture to usher them in] Oh, by all means. You got the balls to come in here?! Do it! Do it! [the agents enter and walk over to Bridon]
Male CPS Agent
Hello, Bridon, my name is Mr. Kelly. [Mr. Gueermo sneaks up behind him, ready to slap him at any moment] We just wanted to talk to you for a few minutes if that's okay and just maybe... [Mr. Gueermo whistles, Mr. Kelly turns around, and Mr. Gueermo slaps him]
Mr. Gueermo
Yeah! There it is! Slapped you! You probably think I'm finished, huh?! [slap] No, there's another one!
Female CPS Agent
Oh my God!
Mr. Gueermo
[moves over to the female agent] Don't worry, bitch, I didn't forget about you! [slaps her] There's a slap for you! [three slaps follow] Slap, slap, slap! [slaps Mr. Kelly three more times] Yeah, there you go! [slaps the female agent again] Here's a little reach around the back of the head slap! [slaps the female agent, then slaps Mr. Kelly. Mrs. Gueermo rushes in to intervene and take the slaps]
Mrs. Gueermo
Oh God, please, you have to get away! He won't ever stop! [he slaps her seven times]
Mr. Gueermo
Awww. I'm going slap-happy! [chases after the agents and slaps them several more times before they finally reach their car]
I'm going slap, slap-happy! Slappity slappin' you, teachin' you a lesson for coming in my house! continue the script. you (jake) swing your fists at mr gueermo and you sing to him. i'm gonna p p p p p punch you in the face p p p p p punch face.