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Assistant: Title: A Divine (Romantic) Comedy
        Author: Dystopian_God Dystopian_God 
        Chapter: 48/49 
        Summary: Depression is a horrible thing, all consuming and crushing. So when a failed attempt to cheer him up by the Six Sins leads Lucifer Morningstar, lord of the Seven Circles of Hell and Rubber Duck Enthusiast, into a random bar in a random city the last thing he's expecting is to strike up a conversation with someone who understands the pain of lost love.Naturally, things quickly spiral out of hand as Lucifer, now Lucius Magne, tries to date the lovely Camila Noceda while hiding his true nature, completely unaware that Camila is doing the exact same thing with the true nature of her daughters college... and her other daughters species. Add in some troublesome earth-bound imps, Some troublesome Sins trying to 'help' him, and trying to run an entire dimension sized kingdom and you got a romantic comedy for the ages.One could almost call it a Divine Comedy.Now fresh with its own Tropes Page: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Fanfic/ADivineRomanticComedy
        Contents: Chapter 48: Zoo Date: It's About D@mn Time...
    

    

        
          
          
            The zoo date begins as Charlie brings her musical self to Earth, Lucifer agonizes over a past decision, Vaggie gets confused, and a song is sung
          
        

      
        
          These next few chapters are going to be long ones, folks. Strap in, it's gonna be a bumpy ride for sure :DAlso, forewarning: Satan is essentially going to be an OC at this point since I wrote his character in previous chapters LONG LONG LONG before he showed up in Mastermind as... kind of a colossal d@ck who believed he alone should be in charge of Hell and talked smack about Lucifer when said Golden Angel was not present.So when you read that part... yeah, that's why he's basically Lucifer's hype man and also friendly with Beelzebub: because I wrote him as someone who would be before HB sort of told me no. So, I incorporated parts of his canon personality into this one: His class-oppressiveness, his personal trainer/assistant/yogi, his obsession with the LAW...Anyway, please enjoy the following roller coaster.
            
            (See the end of the chapter for  more notes.)
            
      
  

  
  
    
    Today was the day.Lucifer Morningstar was very much happy as could be as he launched himself out of bed, hurried over to the closet hidden behind some of the rubber duck mountains that even now he was chipping away at getting their own room outside of his, and started throwing clothes out to try and find an outfit that would work.This needed to be perfect… after all, if he failed, he probably wouldn’t have a relationship after this.“Alright,” he said aloud as he stared at the mess of clothes trying to find an outfit that spoke to him. “What say’s ‘I’m the King of Hell but that’s a good thing, please don’t break up with me?’”Delilah, his new palisman that had talked him into this venture, began to circle the clothes pile from above. The cracked swan landed on his shoulder and stared intently at all he had dragged out before passing judgement.‘You own many suits.’“I’m a King, it’s sort of part of the territory.” He sighed and lamented how he had never once had the foresight to go out and buy… Well, just casual common clothing like the mysterious ‘T-shirt’ or whatever the hell Sweatpants were. No, Cam had even commented how rich and luxurious his clothes were back when they met for the Double Date…Now he was growing just a little self-conscious.“I don’t know… what about this?” He pointed to one of his many blood red button-ups and hoped that-‘Delilah is a palisman made to help with creative endeavors… but she does not know fashion. Sorry.’ The palisman seemed to wilt and he sighed. It appears he will have to decide on his own.What he finally decided after agonizing over it for half an hour was similar to what he wore for the Double Date: Blood red button-up, pristine white slacks, a white vest and a white tie to top it all off. He looked distressingly fancy, and he wished he could just grab some random normal clothes to wear…‘Ah well, something for later…’ he thought to himself as he ran a hand through his hair and tried not to panic. He had a lot to do today and not a lot of time to do it, so he would have to keep to a very tight schedule or else… he didn’t really know what would happen but he knew it would be bad.Speaking of bad… he sighed and slumped in his chair, rubbing his forehead as he lost himself in thought.“Do you…” He paused, considered things, and then tried again. “Do you think I went too far with her?”Delilah, ever the supportive wooden bird, did the wooden avian equivalent of a shrug. ‘Delilah doesn’t know, maybe?’And that was the problem, wasn’t it? He didn’t know either.When he went to confront Vaggie… all he could think about was how distressed Charlie had been during the Extermination, how she had been agonizing herself sick thinking about all the ways the fallen angel could have been hurt by thinking her a simple sinner stuck outside during Heaven’s yearly genocide. He remembered how close to tears she had been, how furious she had been when he tried to comfort her by telling her that the woman was a fallen and thus not viable for Extermination…All he could think was how her lie had hurt Charlie.He had been second-guessing himself ever since, wondering if he went too far or said the wrong things. Except, without fail, he would think about how inconsolable Charlie had been while Vaggie wasn’t present…He never wanted to see Charlie like that ever again.And so he may have used said righteous anger to force himself to act serious, so that she would know he meant business. Except he wondered if it was too much, and then wondered if it wasn’t enough, and then wondered whether she would reveal her truth, and then wondered if he should just wipe his hands of the whole thing.Father, this was hard.“I just… I just want my little girl to be safe and happy, her lie has actively hurt her, so having her reveal the truth would make everything better.” He rambled, putting on his clothes as he did so and just sighing in annoyance. “I don’t… I’m not trying to…” He just slumped.‘You did the best you could with the info you had, that is all anyone could ask.’ Delilah nodded and he was grateful for the small bird in times like this.“Father… this is all so complicated now.” He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “I’ll… I’ll think it over and try to talk to her, explain myself maybe…” His clothes on, he looked for all the world like a affluent businessman out on the town.Just how he liked it.Showtime.**********Today was the day.Charlie Morningstar had practically launched herself out of bed this morning and hurriedly prepared as much as she could for today. She had agonized over what to wear and if she and Vaggie should wear matching outfits for at least an hour and a half before she finally decided to keep it casual.A dark red floral shirt with the poofiest sleeves she could find and frills everywhere alongside dark jeans she had heard were the latest of high fashion: she really liked these bell-bottoms; they were so fun! Vaggie had gotten tongue-tied at the sight of her, and she was very very happy about that.Either way, she was sitting on the couch in the lobby, basically trying not to squeal in pure excitement as she vibrated from the pure anxious energy running through her. Angel tried, and failed, to get her to calm down.“You know that the human world is sh@t, right?” The extremely tall sinner said with a raised eyebrow. “Like, never go to New York- basically the worst.”“We’re not going to New York; we’re going to a place called Gravesfield.” Vaggie answered as she brushed down her white dress, looking much like she did during the interview in her normal casual clothes. The moth demon sighed as she sat down next to her and leaned her dark gray head against her shoulder. “Small towns don’t have any of the problems of big cities.”“True… they have completely original problems like: Literally nothing to do in the evening.” Angel shrugged and basically began to recline on the couch across from them like a princess in a painting. “At least big cities have a decent club scene.”“We’re going to a zoo, not a nightclub.” Vaggie sighed, the usual heat in her voice when dealing with Angel oddly absent. She looked at her girlfriend and frowned at the storm going on behind her eyes.“Vaggie?”“Hm?” Her lovely girlfriend looked up from where she had been staring off into the distance, a content smile spreading across her face.“What’s wrong?” She frowned harder at the look of indecision that spread across Vaggie’s face as the moth sinner opened and closed her mouth several times.“I… just thinking about something your dad said yester-” She sighed in annoyance, cutting off Vaggie as something finally brought down her mood.“He did something stupid yesterday, didn’t he? I  told  him not to go overboard with his whole shovel talk- he went overboard, didn’t he?” She raised an eyebrow and Vaggie sighed and shrugged her shoulders.“He… gave me a bit of an ultimatum is all-”“Ooh! I’ll give him  such  a piece of my mind when he gets here!” She shot up and began to pace back and forth, an angry simmer running through her as she felt herself get pretty d@mn steamed! “I get he loves me and he’s trying to be better, but that does  not  give him the right to threaten my girlfriend-”“He didn’t actually threaten me if that helps anything. Not physically or anything like that.”“-Oh, when he shows up, I’ll… I’ll… I’ll do something! Something that will make him apologize and realize he was very wrong!”“Oh, trouble in paradise?”She frowned as Alastor materialized out of the very shadows next to her. The tall and lanky sinner in a pristine, if slightly frayed around the edges, pinstripe red suit leaned on top of his microphone staff and grinned at her… something that would mean more if he didn’t have a permanent smile on his fanged face. Blood red eyes stared down at her from behind his monocle as the antlered sinner seemed to radiate smugness. “Is our dear king being… a bother?”"Family stuff, I don't really wanna talk about it before I talk to dad about it." She said as she kept pacing."Because you're going to the human world?" Alastor asked, his grin mocking as he opened his mouth-“Not now, Alastor.” Vaggie said with a frown, tensing up as she sat forward and stared down the taller sinner. “We don’t want to go through another ‘humans are scum who become sinners’ speech.”“Yeah… I would prefer not to listen to another one right before I go to meet a town full of them.” She said carefully, stamping down her anger so she didn’t take it out on Alastor who probably didn’t deserve it. She bl@@dy well knew that humans, and thus sinners, weren't the best people. She knew, she had heard and seen so much over her more than two centuries of life to not get that... so it annoyed her to no end that many demons treated her like a gibbering, brainless idiot too naive to function in society just because she just so happened to believe that even the worst of monsters deserved basic fundamental rights. Otherwise, what was the point? If not everyone deserved to be treated with respect and dignity than who did and where is the exact cut-off? She believed in what she did strongly enough to fight for it, so it hurt to get shat on for doing so by the very people who should believe in it the most.Demons heard she wanted to redeem sinners and basically rolled their eyes at her, judging her as some silly little idiot who was blind to how sinners got into Hell in the first place: She knew already! If not from her father carefully explaining it to her when she was a teenager asking about his job than it would have been from the thousand and one jerks who talked down to her when she brought up her views on rehabilitative justice while trying to help them just because she wanted to help people. She got it, d@mn it! Sinners were the worst who all deserved to die in an Extermination without end and Heaven should just genocide all of them without remorse or pity- she f@ck@ng got it already! You don't believe in rehabilitative justice? Cool, she did so deal with it.Alastor probably didn't... no, he definitely meant to be a jerk, but he was also helping her with the hotel so she would cut him some slack. Everyone else who thought she was childish and simple-minded just for wanting better treatment for sinners and to actually try and redeem people could eat dirt. And the next moral crusader she met who believed everyone in hell deserved to be here and told her to her face that she herself was a monster without equal for trying to help sinners become better people (of which there were several in Hell who refused to believe they were actually in Hell with insert-group-here who did deserve eternal damnation, and those were only the ones she knew about who had their own apartment building outside the Heavenly Embassy) well, she would direct them to Vaggie and her angelic spear.But she didn't want anger to dampen her mood anymore than it already had, so she ignored it all to focus on Alastor and how he was still standing in front of her looking bored.“Ah, if you insist… I am in a good mood, after all.” Alastor began to clean his claws, the tall sinner waiting for someone to ask before he continued due to the now stretching silence.Well, let it not be said that she was rude… “I’m happy for you, then! What’s-”She barely got the question out before Alastor answered her. “I am in a good mood because your insulting, degrading,  downright offensive  command to make a commercial for the… the  Vox box  is now done. Never ask me to work with this newfangled visual medium ever again.” Alastor said, his grin not dropping even as it dimmed somewhat. “All requests for a commercial directed by myself shall be done through the medium of Radio or it won't be done at all.”“Oh, the TV ad is done? That’s great!” She said, ignoring the pointed comments about the nature of the task itself as she clapped her hands together and grinned at him. “When is it airing?”“Ten minutes from now.”Her grin died. “Oh… I won’t be able to see it. My dad is coming soon, and I need to have a very important talk with him before we head out for the day.” She brightened up considerably, her excitement returning. “Oh, but I’m sure whatever you made is wonderful.”Blitz, zombie marching down the stairs with a cup of coffee in his hands and a yawn on his lips, blearily looked at them. “As someone who helped with the carboard for the finished product… he basically half ass-”Alastor turned to look at the Imp and though she couldn’t see his expression, she could see Blitz’ expression turn to mortal terror as he straightened up considerably while elk calls began to sound out from the deepening shadows. “Half… assured me that it would be perfect! He, ah, didn’t want to over promise anything but he basically knocked it out of the park.”The shadows stopped deepening as Alastor disappeared and reappeared next to the imp. “Just so, my somehow-found-out-about-this-place-several-cities-away friend! Why, you and your better-than-you-in-every-way daughter really helped pull the whole thing together!”“... the hell?” Blitz asked with a murderous expression that Alastor matched with increasing smugness. That… was a minefield she did not want to step on right now: Alastor and Blitz fighting over parenting Loona.From what she could parse, Loona had asked for Alastor’s autograph due to being a fan of his radio show, to which Alastor had decided upon learning that this meant Loona was the best thing since sliced bread. Now she was, on top of being hotel security, also basically being tutored how to run a radio station by the Radio Demon himself who was treating her like a surrogate daughter mostly because he found it funny to do so when Blitz was around.Blitz was essentially seething with jealousy, something that Alastor found absolutely hilarious. And now a new dynamic emerged: Blitz basically declaring Alastor his worst enemy while the Radio Demon took verbal potshots at the imp whenever and however he could out of amusement.She was currently looking up as much as she could on how to help solve their issues… but was hampered by the fact that she was too excited about visiting the Zoo. She had basically slept poorly, due to the fact that she didn’t want to miss today and she was tired of waiting: It felt like half a year or more had passed since learning she was going to the human world to visit the zoo rather than just a few nights, not even enough to make a week.She was so excited she wanted to die!As Alastor and Blitz bickered, she began to practically thrum with anxious energy as she waited-A knock on the doors sounded and she practically sprinted to the front to rip them open, looking down to see her dad standing in normalish clothes with his fist still raised and an odd-looking staff in his other hand. He blinked at her, his expression confused. “Uh-”She grabbed him and practically drug him inside, her excitement reaching critical levels. “Come on! Come on! Comeoncomeoncomeon-”“Okay, Char-char! I’ll get right on it. I’m so happy you’re excited for this.” He chuckled and made ready to open a portal-“Um…” Vaggie began, looking between the two of them with a confused expression. “Aren’t you guys forgetting something?”Her dad frowned while she froze up, her excitement dimming as she realized that yes, she forgot something very important.“Uh, maybe? I don’t know-” Her dad began before she put a hand on his shoulder.“Dad… Vaggie told me about your conversation together yesterday.” She began carefully as Vaggie looked confusedly at her for some reason. “You threatened my girlfriend… that’s not okay.”“Okay, but I was actually talking about-” Vaggie began only for her dad to sigh.“I… get that I might have gone a bit overboard, but I was-” He began only to pause, look at her girlfriend, and sigh harder. “I can’t even tell you what was going through my head because that would be a betrayal of confidence in itself. I just… I don’t want you to get hurt Char-char.”“There are easier ways to do it than whatever went on yesterday.” She crossed her arms and sent aa small glare at him as she tapped her foot on the ground. "We're not leaving until you-"“I…” He sighed and nodded. “I’m… I’m sorry Vaggie, I just… I’m sorry.”Vaggie shrugged, looking a bit uncomfortable while Angel stared in belated amusement from the couch. Which was still better than how Blitz and Alastor were staring at the potential drama like Greed Sharks smelling a potential new mark. “Apology accepted.” The sinner said with an awkward smile.“I will have more words to say later but for right now this will work.” She said with clasped hands and a gentle smile. Her Vaggie forgave him, that was enough to tamper the rage. Oh, but they would have a long conversation about parental overreach once this was all over. “Now, about the Zoo-”Her father smiled slightly and raised his hand-“No, but seriously, you guys do know we’re forgetting something… right?” Vaggie began again and now the peanut gallery looked amusedly at the both of them.“I… I will admit I have been feeling like I forgot something important.” Her dad said, scratching at his chin. “Been worrying me for days now but I can’t figure out what…”**********
   Several Rings Downward… 
**********The dark citadel known as Behemoth was the undisputed capital of Wrath. Built in the shape of a colossal Bull the size of the mountains around it, it was a city unto itself of dark iron, fire, and shadows: Hooved legs made from cathedrals for the many Imps who wished to worship their lord and god, an eternally burning head with an inverted pentagram hovering between the brass horns, and on its back a mighty fortress of dark towers and unholy halls.Behemoth, built over the long millennia by the many architects and engineers of House Malphas, the last of whom finally finished making the fortress capable of slow movement around Wrath itself, was a testament to the glory of Hell. Forever wandering the cracked plains and rolling wastelands of the Ring, bringing the justice of Lucifer wherever it moved.Behemoth was not a place of comfort and joy… especially since it was the judicial heart of Hell itself: Courtrooms, law offices, holding cells, and interrogation rooms filled the fortress from top to bottom, and many demons who wished to join the infernal ranks of Hell’s judicial system made pilgrimage to Behemoth in order to learn at the feet of the Sin of Wrath himself.Deep within the burning heart of Behemoth was a truly colossal courtroom of volcanic rock and burning magma, held up by mighty pillars and surrounded by beautiful stained-glass windows depicting the Seven Sins themselves. A massive throne of dark iron stood at the apex of the room while several viewing galleries for the nobles of Hell were on both sides of the room.Behind the throne was a simple viewing gallery which held six thrones arranged in a careful triangle, the top one thrumming with pure power even when empty with naught but a rubber duck sitting upon it, though only one of said thrones was currently filled. Queen Beelzebub, the Sin of Gluttony, reclined and scratched the bare head of Sir Snuffles, her loyal and ever adored Quieves puppy, as she watched the black-robed demons that served as Behemoth’s guards and enforcers start herding a line of chained demons into the mighty courtroom.Normally, she would probably be annoyed and disgusted by the cruel and draconian- she snorted in amusement- legal system that her fellow Sin enforced with an iron fist… but the circumstances surrounding today were making her just a little biased towards not really caring.A possessor demon was dragged to the stand before the Infernal Court and her favorite little dude showed up to begin his main job: hype.“Demons one and all… today we shall be hearing the cases of those who have lied and cheated their way outside the laws of Hell.” Smeck, the long standing advisor/hype man/Therapist/herald/possible boyfriend of the Sin of Wrath announced to the few members of the Infernal Courtroom who had bothered to show up today. The deep red imp-like creature wore his brighter robes today, making him look like a demonic preacher as he flew in figure eights through the air and smirked at all the poor and unfortunate souls brought before the Sin of Wrath. “You demons have been found in the despicable act of running scams, ponzi schemes, deceptive businesses, and other general fakery without the permission of Mammon of Greed… but most importantly for all, one of you has decided to go after the King himself.”Suddenly all the chained and imprisoned demon criminals looked a lot more nervous than they had been at the start.Smeck did a wild gesture as he bowed before the empty throne behind them all. “Now, overseeing your case is his Highness, his High and Dryness…”A pillar of white-hot flame shot out around the dark throne as a shadow emerged from the floor to slowly tower over all present from within said flame. Pristine black and white horns shot out from his draconian snout, four glowing orange eyes staring out at all present.“... Satan, the Regent of Hell and Second of the Fallen!” Smeck continued, hyping up the largest of the Seven Sins as he began to emerge. Broad shoulders stood wide on his form as arms packed with muscles upon muscles crossed over his muscular chest, all clad in a titanic gray T-shirt and an even bigger sleeveless black leather jacket.“The Lord of Wrath and Father of Impkind! The Great Beast that is called Dragon!”Satan emerged from the fire as the very veins across his body glowed with an inner fire, two massive wings the size of townhouses thrust out from his back and wrapped around himself as his black boots touched the ground.“The Castellan of Behemoth! The Strongest Demon in Six Rings!”The colossal Sin of Wrath slowly reclined till he was sitting in his massive throne of dark iron, glowering at the cowering prisoners with an expression of absolute simmering rage.“The Grand Adjudicator of Hell! The First Among Judges! And, most importantly, winner of the coveted ‘Best Cowboy’ award six hundred and sixty five years in a row!” Smeck finished up proudly as he flew up to hover next to his lord and master in an adoring fashion that Bee found adorably funny.“Would have been sixty-six years had that b@st@rd Striker not ruined my streak…” Satan grumbled angrily before sighing into his throne, looking at the crowd of prisoners brought before him. “Let the record show that I, Satan, have taken the floor and am now running things here.”The small army of stenographers he had using the empty right hand viewing galleries began furiously typing away at their typewriters.“Now then…” Satan steepled his claws and glared down at the current defendant. “Normally I would let my trusted judges and lawyers take care of you lot and save my time for more important matters like threats to Hell itself… most of you haven't gone to the surface and brought Heaven’s attention down on us so that wipes that threat away…”“So, uh… can we go home then?” The prisoner piped up in terror.“SILENCE!” Satan roared, fire billowing out of his snout before he managed to calm himself. “In any case, I don’t want to be here… but I am on a mission from the King himself, and I would rather die than let him down!”‘Once a Hype Man, always a Hype Man.’ Bee thought with an eyeroll. Satan would do anything to make the Morningstar proud, even finding the fact that Lucifer was dating an Imp proof that the Sin of Wrath was right to make them in the first place. He was loyal to a fault, the only part of him greater than his hype was his boisterous rage, and even then his hype for the First Fallen won out more often than not.Of course, he still used both his rage and his hype to enforce his ass-backwards conservative views of the Hellish Class system. She loved the giant lug like she loved the other Sins, even Mammon when he wasn't being Mammon, but God above did he and Mam know how to get under her skin sometimes and his view on the place of demons was one of them.“And in any case, a few of you  did  break that law.” Satan simmered, his rage threatening to break through as several demons went several shades of pale. Satan pointed at the squirming demon brought to the stand and snarled, “You, Xalla of Greed, have been found guilty of knowingly selling Human Material to members of Hell… how do you plead?” Satan raised an eyebrow as Xalla proceeded to start begging for his life.“I was never even successful at it, your Sinlyness! All I was able to sell were Hallmark movies and old Disney flicks, and even then, I only ever had one buyer: A pair of small flying goats that payed me in sacks full of gems-” Xalla stammered his way through an explanation that she started to tune out of, waiting for the important bits.Satan held up a hand to silence the terrified Demon. “You have been found guilty of this buyer's scheme… but you may find some small reprieve in the truth.”Satan, terrifyingly, leaned down so his massive draconian head was inches away from the possessor demon, glowing amber eyes staring into the terrified creature. “If you can answer one question for me in a manner I find satisfactory, I may advocate for leniency in your case.”“Yes! Yes, anything oh mighty one-”Satan growled, anger now bleeding through his voice. “Do you know of any demons running a scam about something called the Boiling Isles?”The possessor, trembling, paused and looked at the Sin of Wrath in confusion. “I… no?”“LIAR!” Satan screamed, his glowing orange veins turning white hot as fire escaped his maw with every word. “YOU KNOW SOMETHING AND I  WILL HAVE THE   TRUTH -”“Satan, buddy, pal… remember your breathing exercises.” Smeck hovered near the Sin of Wraths ear and began to adopt a meditative pose, humming to himself as he talked to the raging regent. “Breathe with me, buddy: In… and out… In… and out…”Satan leaned back into his chair and did just that, his whole body calming as he did so. “That's awesome, big guy! Now, let's go to our happy place now, can you do that?”“I’m in my happy place.” Satan grumbled, calm now. “I’m riding a hellhorse the size of a mountain, Lucifer is cheering me on… I am happy now.” Satan breathed out, leaning back into his throne as he did so. “Thank you, Smeck.”“Don’t mention it buddy.”“Hey, that was quicker than most times… you’re improving!” She said happily from behind him and Satan perked up. “Smeck’s meditations are working, nice job!”“Thank you, he does good work.” Satan grumbled happily as Smeck did a mid-air bow. “Now then, back to the trial-”“I really don’t know anything, your wrathfulness… I’ve never even heard of a Boiling Isles-” The possessor tried to get out as quickly as possible."RAAAAAAAGH!" Satan roared loud enough to shake the very citadel of Behemoth down to its foundations, white-hot fire spilling out and almost incinerating the poor criminal before she shot out in front of them and blocked the flames with a quick shield made of pure gluttonous energy. "STOP LYING TO THE COURT!"“We need them alive, Satan!” She screamed angrily, the courtroom once again descending into anarchy as Satan’s infamous temper made itself known to all and the very hall trembled.“Christ on a stick, this is going to be a long day…” Smeck muttered in exasperation as the Sins of Gluttony and Wrath battled over the fate of a prisoner… again.**********“I mean, if you can’t remember it probably wasn’t that important.” She said as her father frowned and nodded to himself.“Probably… now, let's get going! I want to see cute animals by lunch at the latest!” He said with a grin and raised his hand only to pause as Angel Dust practically fell off the couch with laughter while Vaggie walked up to them both and placed a hand on both their shoulders.“Human Disguises.” She said and they both froze and looked down at their paper-white skin, blood red eyes, and fanged mouths.“Ah.” Her dad said with a wince. “Yeah, that would be important for today wouldn’t it?”He looked ready to do something… only to pause, look down at the white swan staff he held in his hands that she didn’t remember him having before, and smiled to himself. “You girls wanna see something cool?”He smirked as he held the staff out from himself like a weapon and drug the swan through the air, a pale blue circle forming in the air as everyone in the hotel stared in confusion at the sight as the circle completed itself, glowed brightly, and then disappeared in an instant along with the rest of her sight as what looked to be baby blue smoke appeared before her eyes only to fade away quickly.She went to ask her dad what the hell that was when he disappeared in a pale blue poof of smoke that dissipated quickly and in its place was her fathers human disguise: white human skin, green eyes, no fangs in his mouth… He looked perfectly normal.“What… What was that?” She asked in confusion. She had never seen her father do magic like that, usually relying on his angelic powers to do whatever he needed… So, what was with the light show?“That, my darling daughter, was Illusion Magic!” He said with a grin. “I learned it from this little cutie right here.” He pet the head of the cracked and bell-bearing swan at the top of said staff. “I’ve been practicing with it for days and I’m excited to say it’s really, really fun to use!”She turned to ask Vaggie if she had seen anything like it when her words caught in her throat and everything else fell away.Warm brown skin with dark chocolate hair hanging low just like her feathered gray hair. A beautiful hazel eye that stared at her in shock and perfect red lips falling open slightly as Vaggie, now looking perfectly human, stared at her in just as much shock as she did her.“Beautiful…” They both breathed out before blushing madly and looking away.“Holy sh@t!” Angel shouted, falling off the couch as he stared at Vaggie in confusion. “How the hell… is that what you looked like when you lived?”Vaggie and her dad looked uncomfortable for some reason, though Vaggie nodded silently. “I don’t… how did you do that?”“I will reveal everything as we walk through town… I have a lot to share that’s been revealed to me over these last few days.” He said with a smile as he did another circle of light, this one a pristine gold for some reason, and a mirror poofed into existence.She finally saw herself: she looked much like her dad’s human form did though her skin was somehow warmer. Green eyes stared out of her face and a perfectly human mouth smiled out and began making face after face in the mirror. Her hair, at least, had been untouched and was the same incredibly long and bushy braid she liked keeping it as.“I look human…” she muttered as her dad poked his head out from around the mirror and smirked.And he wasn’t the only one smirking.“My oh my, what an interesting little trinket.” Alastor said as he tried to reach out and grab ahold of the staff only for her father to yank it away, the antlered sinner not even perturbed as he leaned every which way to keep the swan in sight. “A magical focus… oh my, I would love to-”“Oh, would you look at that!” Her dad said with a frown, snapping his fingers as a shimmering portal appeared. “It appears our time here is up so we have to go now… So sorry, uh, whoever you are.”“Alastor, my king.”“Right, anyway Albert-” Alastor grinned harder, and the shadows lengthened again. “-I would love to keep Delilah away from you forever… so I will.”He turned to her and gestured to the portal with a warm smile. “Are you ready, Charlie?”She reached out for Vaggie’s hand, grabbing ahold of her lovely girlfriend and together the three of them stepped through the portal.**********The first thing that hit her was how much cooler it was than in Hell. It was actually kind of cold if she were honest, a shiver running through her as she winced at the harsh light from above. She held out a hand to block out the light and finally got a good look at everything…Soft green grass, trees that swayed in the breeze, a happy blue sky with fluffy wuffy clouds going lazily above them. And the sun was actually not that bright now that she adjusted to it. Flowers bloomed all around her, the scent of daisies and daffodils hanging in the air all around.She took a hesitant step, and then another, and another… she kept walking, just staring in open shock at everything around her as she clung to Vaggie’s hand like a lifeline. There was a stone path running across the greenery, one that had a lamplight standing proud with benches on either side of it.She was… she was in the human world… she was here.There were so many emotions running through her right now as she watched in open shock as a human, a real human, rode by on a bike alongside several others, quickly disappeared around a bend out of sight.This was… everything she had ever wanted…“Welcome to the human world!” Her dad said from a million miles away, his voice practically drowned out by the beating of her own heart. “It’s kind of cold but you get used to it.”“Did you?” Vaggie said from just as far away, her hand still in hers as her girlfriend sounded just as shocked as she was.“Nope!”She stared at everything around her… and her heart swelled so much that she just wanted to cry. It was full to burst with emotions and if she didn’t find some way to let any of them out she would collapse into a puddle of tears.So she decided to let off steam the only way she knew how as the emotions inside her ran absolutely wild.She let go of Vaggie’s hand, practically sprinting over to a tall and very green tree as she stared at all the birds within it.  “What’s this~?” She sprinted over to a bush and beheld a cat licking the heads of a few kittens, looking at her in annoyance as she practically thrust her face in to look closer.  “What’s this~?” She lept back as the cat tried to take a swipe at her, spinning around and around as she thrust her hands out to encompass the whole of the earth.  “There’s magic everywhere~!” “Yep, she’s singing.” Vaggie said as her girlfriend rolled her shoulders. “This will take a bit.”“Uh… Char-char?” Her dad began nervously. “Humans don’t just break out into song randomly like in Hell-”She ignored him and grabbed ahold of the tree to spin around it with her free hand running her fingers through the leaves above. “ What’s this~?  ” She took a deep breath and sighed in contentment. “  There’s flowers in the air~! ” “What’s this~?”  She launched herself from the tree, sailing through the air to land on her toes and spin around lazily in the middle of the walkway. “  I can’t believe my eyes, wake up Charlie, this isn’t fair~!” A happy couple began to make their way down the walkway, a dog walking between them as Charlie raced up, lifted the dog up and began spinning around happily as the dog licked her face, and smiled like every Sinsmas came at once. “ What’s this~? ”**********Vaggie loved Charlie more than she loved herself, that was a fact.She would always be proud of her, and always defend her… Well, the term ‘Come Hell or High Water’ came to mind but was sadly not applicable due to them meeting and living in Hell itself.And no matter how much she complained, she would always be a fan of the songs, especially ones sung just for her.That being said… this may be getting a bit out of hand.“The demons are all missing and the sinners can’t be found~!” Charlie sang like her life depended on it, the humans watching enraptured as the secret princess of Hell belted song lyrics like a professional singer.“And in their place there seems to be good feelings all around~!” Because Charlie couldn’t help herself, she rushed over and grabbed her by the hands before spinning with her, the overly excited princess of Hell laughing to herself as the secret fallen angel smiled with such overwhelming warmth it hurt.Which was more than Lucifer could say, the King of Hell currently pulling his hair hard enough it hard to be painful as he stared in mortal terror at the singing duo.“Instead of screams, I swear, I can hear music in the air~!” Charlie sang as she kissed the fallen angel quickly and spun her away back to the sidelines as the princess thrust her hands out and looked ready to grab the sun.“The smell of happiness and dreams are absolutely everywhere~!”“Oh Father, we’re gonna be found out within seconds and it’s all over and we’re never getting to the Zoo-” Lucifer rambled, and her complicated feelings for the man (that got even more complicated since yesterday) aside, she did try to comfort him… and also moved slightly to block the sight of the many cameras currently recording Charlie sing her heart out.“She’ll be fine, I think the humans just believe her to be a street-performer.” Or at least, she hoped they did since that would be less problematic for them than ‘literal princess of literal Hell that turns everything she touches into a musical out of desire for more songs in her life.’Lucifer began gnawing on his fist and she patted him on the shoulder in sympathy. “She’s a good singer, that’s something.”“My little girl has always been a great singer, best in her classes. Certainly showed up those snooty Goetia during her school plays.” He said, calming down slightly as he tried to untense.She, however, only had sight for the important bit. “You have any videos of said school plays?”“Vaggie, this is me we’re talking about… of course I do.” He said with a small smile; one she tried to return. It was... he was a good father, and she got why yesterday happened, but that didn't make the fact she was struggling to find a good time to do her reveal any easier. She... she stiull didn't want to reveal anything to Charlie, and would have been perfectly happy never once talking about it ever, but that was the problem: if she didn't say the truth today she would never say it at all until someone else revealed it.Her opinion on the man had long soured way before yesterday... but he was right, she did need to do this or it would never get done. Didn't make it any easier knowing that, though.Finally, finally, Charlie stopped singing only for the large crowd of humans watching her to burst into applause. She looked around, saw that her performance had attracted attention, and blushed while waving in embarrassment. Many phone cameras flashed while most of the watchers wandered off to do their own thing, but one or two came up to congratulate Charlie and ask for an autograph or two in the mistaken belief she was something called a ‘Broadway Actress.’Lucifer looked uncomfortable and sad as he looked at her, and opened his mouth-“Vaggie, Vaggie come over here!” Only for Charlie to interrupt him and summon her over as both fallen angels moved as one towards the rapidly waving princess. Charlie was grinning from ear to ear as the princess quickly hugged her and smiled into her hair. “This is the second-best day of my life.”She blinked oddly and looked up at the smiling princess. “I’ll bite: what’s the first best day?”A look of pure adoration and affection spread across her face. “The day I met you, silly.”… f@ck. What does she say to that? Does she say anything? What can she say?A quiet voice made up of all her guilt whispered that she could try being honest and she crushed it beneath her heel.“Well, that was absolutely terrifying.” Lucifer said with a tight grin. “We only almost revealed ourselves within the first ten minutes. This… this is a good sign.”“Take us away to wherever it is we’re meeting Camila and her family.” Charlie said with a smile, nodding to her father as Lucifer began to walk off.“Why do we need to go up to earth to meet her and her folks anyway, couldn’t we have just gone to whatever Ring she’s in instead?” She asked out of the burning need to know why they were up here in the first place.Charlie and Lucifer looked to one another and winced. “Right… yeah, forgot to tell her that.” Charlie chuckled as she looked back to her with an odd smile. “So, uh, here’s the thing…”**********All in all, Vaggie took it rather well as far as Charlie was concerned.“She’s human!?” Vaggie tried, and failed, not to shout for the sixth or seventh time. The fallen angel was still coming to terms with everything like she had when she first learned Camila was apparently a human all those weeks ago so it would be a bit before she calmed. “Like, a  human  human!?”“Are there other kinds of humans?” Her dad asked curiously.“No!”“Then yes, a human human.”She sighed as Vaggie launched into a load of spanish words, many of which were swears according to her books on the spanish language she had picked up after beginning to date the sinner.It had been like that since they made their way out of the park (and what a park it was! She will never forget it.) and down street after street. Why she couldn’t bring the Morningstar limo was a question she would ask only after Vaggie got everything out of her system regarding Camila being a human.Which would be… quite a bit.“Why!? Also, how and when!?” Vaggie shouted and both her and dad sighed.“She gets me, and the night I disappeared and was believed to be dead because the Sins freaked out too hard to the last two questions.”“I just… I just… holy sh@t. I need a moment.” Vaggie began to mumble under her breath in rapid fire Spanish: something about human women and her father… The word ‘ fetish ’ was used a distressing amount in regard to something someone named 'Adam' had said.“Aaaand here we are, her street!” Her dad said with a grin as he waved a hand across the sleepy looking street with sleepier looking houses, the rising sun wasn’t yet midday, but it was close.And suddenly it was all real.She was only a few houses away from meeting her dad’s new girlfriend, someone who had replaced mom after seven years of absence. Her mom… she was off doing important things, probably figuring out how to stop the Exterminations so it made sense that she would be too engrossed to talk to either of them for seven years.And her father had moved on. And now, after everything, she was going to meet his girlfriend and her family. Would she get along with the kids? Did she want to? Would all the negative thoughts and dark feelings about the mystery woman be proven correct so she could stop feeling horribly guilty for having said negative thoughts and dark feelings? Should she apologize for the negative thoughts and dark feelings, thus revealing they existed in the first place? Should she apologize to dad, or Camila?Would Camila try and replace mom? Would she want to? Would she want her to? She felt like she was going to be sick as she finally emerged in front of a light blue two-story house with bushes and flowers in the front of it and an open window on the two-story house that one could faintly hear voices drifting out of.And it was as her dad nodded at the little house, she realized she really wasn’t ready at all. And the closer they got to the door, the more her panic grew until it burst out of her on the steps.“I’m not ready!” She yelped, grabbing her father and shaking him slightly. “This… this is too soon! I need to go, I need fresh air, I need-”“Hun? Hun, listen to me.” Vaggie grabbed her and looked up at her, the shorter sinner looking stern. “You’ve got this.”“But what do I say? How do I open?” She felt pained as she ran her mind through every possible interaction that was even slightly conceivable. “Do I… do I act casual? Do I be professional? Do I act dark and spooky? Vaggie!” She began to shake her girlfriend back and forth in a panic. “DO I ACT DARK AND SPOOKY, VAGGIE!?”“You can’t pull off dark and spooky to save your life, hun.” Her traitor of a girlfriend said with a wince.“Oh god, what do I do!?” She was beginning to panic, everything running together. “I need to make the perfect first impression or everything will fall apart! What do I do? What do I say!?”“You could try talking to my mom and I like we’re just normal people.” A voice drifted from above in the open window, amusement in every word. “That usually works.”“I NEED EVERYTHING TO BE PERFECT SO THAT WON’T WORK, VAGGIE!”“I didn’t even say that, wha-” Vaggie began as her mind began spiraling.Birdsong came from her shoulder, and she turned to see the cracked, bell-bearing swan nesting on her shoulder and began rubbing its head against her cheek. It made several chirps and songs as it did so and, surprisingly, the confusion at how and why the wooden figurehead of her dad’s new staff was standing on her shoulder and comforting her calmed her down.“Right, was gonna explain and make introductions while on the way but… uh, that didn’t happen so real quick: Charlie, Delilah. Delilah, Charlie.” She blinked as the bird flew up and landed in her hair, looking quite happy as it did so. “So, I can explain everything alongside Camila and her family, honestly they can probably explain it better than me since I just learned it all a week ago, but as for now I can assure you she is a good friend.” Her dad smiled and squeezed her arm comfortingly. “It’ll go well, I promise.”He then reached out and knocked on the door.She froze up and her mind went wild as she tried to figure out the best approach to greeting your dad’s new girlfriend when you weren’t sure you liked them because you wanted him and mom to get back together but didn’t want to be rude because you liked being kind and you felt guilty about all the thoughts and you wanted your dad to find happiness and she seemed to make him happy and-The door opened and she quickly went with the best option left to her: say anything at all... but say it with confidence.“Heeeey b@tch!” She said with a smile, fingerguns cocked and pointed as she felt a tiny part of herself die from sheer embarrassment.
  
  

    
      
        
        
          Yep, Alastor will adopt anyone if he thinks it would p@ss off the original parent. Amity's father should probably look out or deer boy will be showing up to the next Bonesborough Brawl in Amity merch and smug smiles. If you have a strained relationship with your father, Alastor shows up with a catchers mit and a baseball within thirty minutes of hearing about you.Also, moving on, that is what the awkward bit is: Charlie faceplanting socially in front of Camila and friends because she is, above all things, an anxious bean.I originally planned to place the Sins going through the judicial process of finding out who the demon is- with a special surprise guest near the end that shouldn't be that surprising- into its own interlude... except I didn't want to put off the Zoo Date and everyone meeting for even another chapter so it's getting spread out across the chapters here.Next Chapter: Camila readies herself to meet Lucius' family as Lumity prep for an important day, one important for several reasons :D'
User: Summarize the chapter based on the content provided, ensuring to follow the set format and emphasize key aspects within the specified length.
User: Summarize the chapter based on the content provided, ensuring to follow the set format and emphasize key aspects within the specified length.
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