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Assistant: Title: A Purr-fect Family
        Author: adhdcreatureintuxedo_shocking adhdcreatureintuxedo_shocking 
        Chapter: 1/4 
        Summary: Just a few days in which the Stellaron Hunters try their d@mn best to care for the cat that happens to be their boss as well, while said cat tortures them in every way possible!Or: The Stellaron Hunters are sick and tired of Elio's b@llsh@t, a fact that is made evidently known. Featuring Stelle.
            
            The hunters just want to sleep. Unfortunately, elio is a thing.
        Contents: Chapter 1
    

    

        
          
          
            The hunters just want to sleep. Unfortunately, elio is a thing.
          
        

      
        
          Comments and kudos are appreciated, thank you for reading!
            
            (See the end of the chapter for  more notes.)
            
      
  

  
  
    
    Sleeping near your sort of cat, sort of boss isn’t easy.Blade didn’t sleep much often. He was plagued by insomnia most days, and when he could catch a wink of sleep, he was startled awake by nightmares that haunted him.Visions of his past life would gnaw at his mind, forcing his eyes to snap open and for him to jump up in a mixture of both fear and rage.So he didn’t sleep.There wasn’t much that interested him these days. It was a cycle of staring up at the ceiling until he couldn’t take it anymore, and passed out from exhaustion.Unfortunately, something demanded his attention. And he demanded it now.Blade groaned, pulling the thick blanket over his head as he heard another crash coming from the living room. This ruckus had been going on for a full system hour already.Even if Blade despised sleeping, he despised Elio’s evening shenanigans more.He felt around underneath the blanket for his phone, pulling it up to his face, the blue light blinding him in the darkness. He opened the messages app to their group chat.12:27 AM 
   Hot Topic’s Patron Saint has come online. 
 Hot Topic’s Patron Saint: Please, someone, anyone, calm Elio down. Hot Topic’s Patron Saint: He’s been at this for an entire system hour. 
   Procyon Lotor has come online. 
 Procyon Lotor: lmao imagineBlade was about to send a response, when his brain snapped back to the elephant in the room.
   When the f@ck did Stelle get in here?! 
Hot Topic’s Patron Saint: ..Apologies, who the hell added you? Procyon Lotor: my aeons i can’t even say two words without getting interrogated. I knew yall hated me smh Procyon Lotor: anyways it was wolfie Hot Topic’s Patron Saint: Of course. Hot Topic’s Patron Saint:  @UrinologyMajorForTheWrongReasons  Procyon Lotor: SOBBING WHY IS THAT HER CONTACT NAME Hot Topic’s Patron Saint: It’s better if you don’t know that part. Procyon Lotor: DOES SHE HAVE A P@SS FETISH OR SOME SH@T I MUST CONFIRM THIS Procyon Lotor:  @UrinologyMajorForTheWrongReasons  you have two seconds to explain Procyon Lotor: she has dnd on, i’m so disappointed.Procyon Lotor: but what’s this about elio going insane?? Are we in danger? Hot Topic’s Patron Saint: That’s none of your concern. 
   SapphicTurnedTerrorist has come online. 
 SapphicTurnedTerrorist: Ah, Stelle, is that you?Procyon Lotor: omg hi mommy!! 
   SapphicTurnedTerrorist has come offline. 
 Procyon Lotor: see this is why himeko hates you you deadbeat mother 
   SapphicTurnedTerrorist has come online. 
 SapphicTurnedTerrorist: Don’t you bring her up, she’s so cruel to me, and for no reason *sob* Hot Topic’s Patron Saint: Kafka, could you please go quiet down Elio? He’s being obnoxious again.Procyon Lotor: isn’t that your boss Procyon Lotor: what is he even doing SapphicTurnedTerrorist: He’s got the zoomies again. Procyon Lotor: zoomies??  is he a cat or smth SapphicTurnedTerrorist: Yes, that’s correct. Procyon Lotor: WHAT Procyon Lotor: DUDE I WAS JUST JOKING HE’S ACTUALLY A CAT?? SapphicTurnedTerrorist: A very adorable, and loud one at that. Procyon Lotor: i’m telling the express wtf Procyon Lotor: i know a rabbit isn’t that much better but you guys are relying on a CAT for your prophetic visions Hot Topic’s Patron Saint: I don’t suppose Pom Pom is legally allowed to operate a train? Procyon Lotor: stfu emo i hope he vomits in your mouth SapphicTurnedTerrorist: Stelle, we don’t say that to people.SapphicTurnedTerrorist: No matter how objectively correct it is. Hot Topic’s Patron Saint: I’m getting Elio. I hope death comes for you all tonight.Procyon Lotor: emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emoBlade shut off his phone, setting it aside on his nightstand. He slowly rose out of bed, stretching and heading for his door.Turning the door handle, he sets out into the long, dark hallway. Using the wall to guide him, Blade makes his way to the source of the clattering noises. A ball of black fur can be seen dashing around in the darkness, chasing something. Blade felt around for a light switch, eventually grasping it, and flicking it on. The kitchen light flickered to life, only to reveal Elio chasing..a sausage wrapper?“Elio.”“...Good evening, Blade.” The cat blinked up at him with almost uncanny green eyes.“Would you care to explain why you have kept us up for a system hour chasing a sausage wrapper?”The cat didn’t respond, instead continuing to paw and poke at the wrapper.Blade sighed in annoyance, reaching down to scoop up the cat, who hissed at him.“Unhand me this instant! I am your authority-!” Elio whined.“No, absolutely not. We’re going to bed, whether you like it or not.”Blade cradled the fluffy cat in his arms, turning back off the light switch. Elio grumbled a mix of incoherent words and meows as Blade carried him back to his room, gently shutting the door behind him. He placed Elio down on the mattress, watching him immediately jump off, scrambling for the door.“Kick and scream all you like. I’m going to sleep.” Blade dismissed his futile attempts, pulling the covers over himself.Finally, some well needed rest. Blade shut his eyes, letting himself fall into slumber.12:54 AM UrinologyMajorForTheWrongReasons: yo i’m back what did i miss Procyon Lotor: THERE YOU ARE Procyon Lotor: WHAT IS YOUR NAME PLEASE TELL ME NOW SapphicTurnedTerrorist: Yes, do tell her. I always love this story. UrinologyMajorForTheWrongReasons: … UrinologyMajorForTheWrongReasons: i forgot to explain my name in advance. UrinologyMajorForTheWrongReasons: so one time i was bored and we were waiting on firefly in a hotel room UrinologyMajorForTheWrongReasons: and i still had some episodes of that new anime I’m watching to get through so I decided to watch that to pass the time UrinologyMajorForTheWrongReasons: an ad starts BLASTING on my speakers and it’s about some kind of uti medication with..realistic images. UrinologyMajorForTheWrongReasons: BUT THE PEOPLE WERE MOANING REALLY F@CK@NG LOUDLY IN THE AD LIKE THE PILLS WERE GIVING THEM @RG@SMS UrinologyMajorForTheWrongReasons: AND THAT WAS THE ONLY PART KAFKA SAW AND NOW SHE THINKS I FETISHIZE P@SS Procyon lotor: honestly that’s just a skill issue Procyon lotor: p@ss lover UrinologyMajorForTheWrongReasons: i hope you lose all your 50/50’s you hoe Procyon lotor: OKAY PULL UP TO THE EXPRESS IT’S ON SIGHT NOW SapphicTurnedTerrorist: Wolfie before you do anything, could you please go check on Bladie? SapphicTurnedTerrorist: I think I heard glass shattering in his room.Elio stared down at the shards of glass on Blade’s wooden floor.Blade stared at Elio, murderous intent gleaming in his eyes.A knock sounded at the door.“Hey, you both good in there? Did Elio finally kick it?”“I’m right here, Silver Wolf.” He shot out, annoyed.“Oh sh@t- My bad, boss! Seriously, everything alright though?” Silver Wolf called out from behind the door.“Yes, everything is-” Elio started before being cut off as Blade picked Elio up in one smooth motion, grasping onto him tightly. His veins popped out of his arms as he threw the door open, startling Silver Wolf.“Aeons, what the hell, Bladie?!” She yelped. Blade set Elio down into her arms, and looked her dead in the eyes with a look that could murder anyone.“Take that cat. Right now. If I hear one more meow leave his mouth, it will be promptly sewn shut, along with every hole he possesses. Goodnight.” He forced the last part out through gritted teeth, slamming the door shut loudly, making Silver Wolf jump again, with Elio still in her arms.“I’m…really proud of you, boss.” She muttered, stroking his fur gently.Silver Wolf set Elio down on her bed, throwing a blanket over him.“Make yourself comfy, I’ll be over here finishing my dailies. Don’t touch anything.”She opened up her messages on her hologram, going back to the chatroom.UrinologyMajorForTheWrongReasons: bladie just handed me elio and left in the most seething rage i have ever seen come out of that man UrinologyMajorForTheWrongReasons: like this sh@t was mara level Procyon Lotor: d@mn you should’ve recorded it SapphicTurnedTerrorist: He gets like that sometimes. Especially when Elio keeps everyone up at night.SapphicTurnedTerrorist: The pay is quite generous, so I suppose there’s that. UrinologyMajorForTheWrongReasons: oh yeah, we get a HUGE ass salary Procyon Lotor: ..you guys are getting paid?? SapphicTurnedTerrorist: …Oh sweetie.Silver Wolf enjoyed Project Sekai with her whole life.The game was fun and kept her entertained, even her thumbs ached for hours afterwards.The unfortunate part was that she enjoyed playing it when the surrounding area was silent.And by the aeons, the area was anything but silent.“Elio, I literally NEVER thought I’d have to say these words, but can you keep it down?” Silver Wolf asked from across the room.“No can do, Silver Wolf. Important things are happening here, and I must focus to the best of my abilities.” The cat calmly replied.“I get that, and you do you, but…”She rubbed the bridge of her nose in exhaustion.“Is it really necessary to blast the INSIDE EP at full volume while writing your scripts?”1:39 AM UrinologyMajorForTheWrongReasons: dude UrinologyMajorForTheWrongReasons: remind me why we bought ANY of elio’s sh@t for him again?? Procyon Lotor: what happened now UrinologyMajorForTheWrongReasons: have you ever heard a mashup of “Had I Not Seen the Sun” along with INSANE keyboard clicking UrinologyMajorForTheWrongReasons: well i currently am, and it’s the most annoying thing ever UrinologyMajorForTheWrongReasons: it’s like hearing robin write another album on a typewriter UrinologyMajorForTheWrongReasons: literally about to neuter this cat again omfg Procyon Lotor: ..is Elio neutered in the first place?Procyon Lotor: does Elio have a c@ck and b@lls SapphicTurnedTerrorist: No, Stelle dear.SapphicTurnedTerrorist: We had Elio neutered a few years ago. SapphicTurnedTerrorist: It was a very excruciating process. UrinologyMajorForTheWrongReasons: oh yeah those memories were traumatic UrinologyMajorForTheWrongReasons: the point is though, he’s back to typing loudly on that really large keyboard we bought him and i can’t focus on my combos SapphicTurnedTerrorist: Perhaps you should go to bed then, Wolfie?UrinologyMajorForTheWrongReasons: why are YOU up then SapphicTurnedTerrorist: I’m simply testing out a theory. Procyon Lotor: kafka why is your wishlist updating rapidly Procyon Lotor: it was only 170 items last time i checked Procyon Lotor: it’s gone up to 361. SapphicTurnedTerrorist: 360, I removed the coat with the blue stripes. UrinologyMajorForTheWrongReasons: is there such a thing as a shopping rehab SapphicTurnedTerrorist: I know d@mn well YOU are not talking.SapphicTurnedTerrorist: You cost us nearly 2 million credits trying to roll for 7 copies of your favorite character because your luck was that atrocious.SapphicTurnedTerrorist: Get help for your insane gacha addiction before you even think of trying to tell me to get help for online shopping. Procyon Lotor: holy sh@t kafka was not playing 
   UrinologyMajorForTheWrongReasons has gone offline. 
 Procyon Lotor: KAFKA YOU DONE KILLED HER?? SapphicTurnedTerrorist: Oh.. That was not my intention. SapphicTurnedTerrorist: I should do this more often, though.“Hey, what the f@ck!?”“My apologies, your games were slowing down my signal. It should continue working in around 2 system hours.” Elio explained, continuing to type away on his comically oversized keyboard, littered with stickers and cat hair.Silver Wolf’s eye twitched in fury.Kafka lazily scrolled on her phone, admiring the details of a new coat, when she heard a loud knocking on her door.“Come in, door’s open.” She called out, setting down her phone and flipping the switch to a lamp on her nightstand.The door kicked open, revealing a disheveled Silver Wolf with cat scratches on her collarbone.“Take him. Please.” Was all she said before dropping the cat on the floor, shutting the door behind her. Elio jumped onto Kafka's maroon colored sheets, stretching out on them.“My employees are so ungrateful, don’t you agree?” He yawned.
   Oh no. 

   Wolfie, what have you done?
3:02 AM SapphicTurnedTerrorist: actually cannot take this sh@t anymore Procyon Lotor: kafka not using proper grammar? What the hell happened to the world?? SapphicTurned Terrorist: I can FEEL his nails digging into my scalp.The “He” Kafka referred to was Elio, who now perched upon her head like a bird, purring as he made biscuits on her scalp, digging his nails deep in with every movement.It was absolutely torturous.SapphicTurnedTerrorist: someone remind me to clip his nails soon SapphicTurnedTerrorist: is this how lobotomies feel SapphicTurnedTerrorist: I just want my pain to be over. I just want to welcome the sweet embrace of sleep. But nay, i have this f@ck@r atop my head. treating me like a throne. Procyon Lotor: alright bladie wtf Procyon Lotor: just kick him off i do not see the problem SapphicTurnedTerrorist: i TRIED. 30 SYSTEM MINUTES AGO. SapphicTurnedTerrorist: HE WILL NOT LEAVE. Procyon Lotor: toss a treat or something idk Procyon Lotor: i’m going to sleep soon, i’ve got some more exploring tomorrow. Night mom!Kafka slightly moved her head, staring up at Elio’s sleeping face.“Elio.” She whispered, moving her finger up to tap his tiny dark nose. The cat startled awake, nearly biting her finger.“I’m not moving.” He insisted before she could say anything else, lowering his head once more.“No, no no. Please, I just want to sleep. Go on that side if you must.” She begged in the darkness, trying to untangle her hair from his paws. Elio moved further forward, curling up onto her head.“You’re warm, Kafka. Let me go to bed.”Kafka groaned, laying her head on the pillow.
   This was going to be a long, painful night. 
In the end, they had to send Elio to Firefly, who was more than happy to accept the cat’s company, considering she didn’t need sleep in the first place.“Good morning, my lovely hunters! Did we all get some sleep last night?” Elio greeted the hunters with a smile, hopping up onto the counter.Only Firefly could smile back at him, while the other three had variants of exhausted faces that all said one thing in unison.
   “F@ck you.” 

  
  

    
      
        
        
          dude i'm going insane trying to fix my end notes, gonna start crying at this rateDAILY REMINDER THAT SILVER WOLF'S USERNAME IS TO MAKE FUN OF MY BETA READER WHO I HAVE SAVED AS "Harvard phd in urinology, graduating with the highest honors"he has no p@ss fetish but we laugh at him anyway! (sorry sweetie)'
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