This text is better but what does it need to go from good (as now to great): The Earth Space Transit Dock (ESTD) was a hub of activity in Earth’s orbit, catering to ships of all classes with its primary cargo handling services. The impressive structure served as the primary control center for all traffic within and exiting the Milky Way, a true marvel of human engineering. Ships of various classes passed through its vast docking bays, while some preferred to make the ESTD their permanent home. The station’s luxurious amenities and services drew them in, and they found comfort within its walls.

For Jade McConnell, the ESTD was a reminder of her deep love and admiration for space, one rooted in a sense of wonder and endless potential. As the youngest fleet captain in her company, she was dedicated to the commercial space industry and the innovations it brought. Her ship, the Star Raptor, waited in berth eleven for mandatory cycle maintenance and repairs, a test of her resolve and commitment.

While she found herself yearning for the quiet expanse of the open space, her passion was not fueled by the thrill of adventure but by a desire to explore and unlock the mysteries of the universe. The ESTD served as a hub of activity that reminded her of the importance of her work and the opportunities for growth and discovery that lay ahead. As she watched the flurry of activity from afar, she was filled with a sense of pride and excitement for the future of space travel and commerce. She knew that her devotion to her profession and her love of the cosmos would guide her to greater heights, each step bringing her closer to unlocking the limitless potential that lay within the depths of space.
Compare this changed text to the orginal supplied text: compare the two and what is this new text still lacking?
The changed text has added more descriptions surrounding the Earth Space Transit Dock (ESTD) and included more details about Jade McConnell’s passion for space as a professional. The original text was focused on the ESTD’s size and amenities, and briefly mentioned McConnell’s frustration with waiting for repairs.

However, the new text still lacks a more vivid sense of setting and character development. It provides a general sense of the ESTD’s functions, but it could benefit from more specific details about its services and amenities. Similarly, while it mentions McConnell’s passion for space, there could be more attention given to her background and personality to make her character more distinctly realized and bring her to life more fully on the page. Some of the passages could benefit from more colorful descriptors and sensory imagery to paint a more vivid picture of the setting and characters.
The ESTD is like a city in space and has the facilities and services needed for a personnel count of twenty thousened people. Robots also have a stornge presence their and perform a vast array of tasks. Some of the many services the ESTD offeers: Space Medicine and Phsycoldegy services, Confrence Facilites, Full Cargo Handeling and Storage Services, Mantanice Services, Freight Company leasion Sercvices amongst others. As to Jade McConnell she has the nickname ‘Bloodhond’ becuase once she latches on to something she won’t let it go untill it is solved. She has a verherment dislike for Earth dipite being born their, she cannot stand the constant scandels, the over relience of technoledgy, the noise, the fact that people walk a round with their heads down not looking at another person (A sign of disrepect in her tribe), she hates backchat and won’t hesitate to place that person on an inserbornation charge. She has no time for hobbies or relationships, she will glair at people to make them backdown, if there is an urgent sistuation she will forego the usual plesentries and get down to bussiness (Feelings or Freindship or Falmiial tie don’t enter into it.), When using a communcation device, formality is McConnels goto way of working (even if you’re family) she will use your title (Adminstrator, etc) and not your name.
Great addition! Here’s a reworked version of the text incorporating this information:

The Earth Space Transit Dock (ESTD) was like a city in space, teeming with activity and brimming with services and amenities. The facility was comparable to a metropolis, with enough facilities and resources to sustain a personnel count of twenty thousand people. Robots played a critical role in
the ESTD’s operations, performing a vast array of tasks to keep the facility running smoothly. Among its many services, the ESTD offered Space Medicine and Psychology, conference facilities, full cargo handling and storage services, maintenance services, and Freight Company liaison services, amongst others. It was a thriving hub of activity and innovation, a symbol of human progress in the depths of space.