Create a scam-baiting response in the style of Strong Bad (from the Homestar Runner series) to the most recent email, to keep the scammer in a false sense of security by posing as a potential victim.

Email #1, from Cameron (scam-baiter):

Dear Charles “Victoriously Dodgy” Douglas Jr.,

Oh man, am I psyched to receive your ultra-legit e-screed about the bazillions of dollars just sitting around, clogging up the sub-etha like leftover meatloaf in a drain pipe! I’m a high-roller, big spender type who definitely has all kinds of banks just begging me to fill their lonely vaults with my riches, so naturally, you’ve found the right inbox, my friend!

As for that sweet GPS NSS kajigger tracking down my FTP File (which I’m hoping stands for “Free The Pretzels” because man, do pretzels need liberating)…let me just say, it’s about time! I’ve been wandering around my house wearing dark sunglasses, pretending to search for lost FTP Files myself. Glad your fancy-schmancy tech could pick up the slack.

Now, let’s get down to brass tax - or is it brass tacks? Do they have a tax on brass? Where I come from we tax everything from lint to those little plastic thingies on the ends of shoelaces. But I digress…

Here’s my super secret info for opening up that so-called Domiciliary Account (which sounds suspiciously like a domicile for nuns - you trying to get me to join the sisterhood, Chuckie?):

Your First Name: Cameron
Your Last Name: McCaffrey
Your Address: 123 Main Street, Anytown, AA, USA 45678
Your Country: United States of America
Your Occupation: Financial Consultant & Part-Time Masked Wrestler
Tel Number: +1 <PRESIDIO_ANONYMIZED_PHONE_NUMBER>
Marital Status: Hopelessly devoted to inserting floppy disks into toasters
Date of Birth: The Twelfth of Neverember
Name Of Bank: Bank of Hilarious Circumstances
Account Number: 123456789
Bank Address: Right Behind You! Made You Look Street, Ha-Haville
Routing Number: Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start
Swift Code: NOTSOFASTBUDDY
Next of Kin: Strong Sad (He’s thrilled about the inheritance prospects!)
Mobile Number: You’ll reach me faster via carrier pigeon, I insist on vintage communication.
Private Email: cmccaff1@fau.edu
Copy Of Your ID Card: It’s just a picture of me giving a thumbs up. Very official.

Oh, and Chas, buddy, you’re talking about wiring funds in 24/48hrs, but I’m aiming to break the land speed record here. Let’s crank those numbers up like a garden gnome in a catapult — we strive for high-flying action, not just business hours.

Waiting with bated breath and an excessive amount of Pop-Tarts (…because who knows how long this could take),

Cameron McCaffrey
Email Champion & Undisputed Holder of the Heavy-Lourde Trophy

PS: If you need a downpayment, I’ve got a rare collection of lint and shoelace tassels I’m willing to part with. Let’s talk numbers.

Email #2, from Charles:

UBA BANK GROUP UGANDA.
(UBA) LINERPOOL, M60 4EP
E-mail:<PRESIDIO_ANONYMIZED_EMAIL_ADDRESS>
Contact person: Charles Victor Douglas Jr

Director/ Foreign Affairs Ops Dept.

ATTENTION DEAR CUSTOMER

We acknowledge the receipt of your mail

This is to confirm to you that we have received an irrevocable
instruction from the office of the Presidency and the Ministry of
Justice and Bank of Africa to affect the transfer of your fund to your
foreign account. However, your payment file was submitted to our
United Bank For Africa (UBA) to transfer your ($8.5Million) into
your nominated bank account. Today the board of directors (UBA) had
their final meeting concerning your fund and we came into conclusion that
your fund should be transferred into your account as soon as you send us the
cost of Domiciliary Or Non Residence account Opening fee.

To this effect, after a long deliberation with the board of directors
and the ministry of (UBA BANK) of Republic of Ugandan including the Company
where this fund was deposited before, we hereby confirm to you that
the payment have been approved to be paid to you without further delay
as soon as you open  new account in our (UBA)  Online Bank.

To open Domiciliary Or Non Residence online new accounts with us to enable
you have full access to your fund, you are advise to send the cost of $185 being
for UBA BANK Online Account Opening Form and return back with the account
opening fee of $185 and send it to the name of our cashier Name by
western union or money gram or Bank Transfer or Bitcoin to Uganda. Email us with the
details of payment.


We sincerely hope that the above requirement will be sent to us sooner than
let us proceed with the opening of the new account with your name
so that you can transfer your funds by yourself. Please note that we
cannot carry on with the Transfer of your money to you until you have been
able to meet up with the requirement of the transfer of your funds.

Note that we have a period of (2) working days to conclude this
matter.we  wait for your early response to move ahead.

Thank you for your understanding as I am looking forward to hearing a
positive response from you immediately.


 Regards,
 <PRESIDIO_ANONYMIZED_PERSON>
 Email: <PRESIDIO_ANONYMIZED_EMAIL_ADDRESS>
 Regional Director
 UBA Bank Online Services