use the following IELTS task 2 writing template to give some feedback to a student who is writing a practise essay for the general IELTS exam. He is hoping to achieve band 6. Currently, he is a B1 CEFR student. Anyway, here is the template:

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The Best IELTS Task 2 Writing Template
Introduction (60 words)
Paraphrase Task
Reword the statement or question given in the prompt to show you understand it. Use synonyms
and change the structure.
In today’s world, …
State Opinion
Clearly mention whether you agree or disagree, or present your overall view in one sentence.
While it might seem beneficial, I believe that …
Essay Overview (thesis)
Briefly mention what points you will discuss in the essay to give the reader a roadmap.
This essay will explore both …
Supporting Paragraph #1 (85 words)
State Position #1
Start with a sentence that introduces your first main argument in support of your opinion.
One major advantage is …
Explain Why
Elaborate on why this point supports your opinion. Start with why this advantage is important.
This is important because …
Give Example (supporting evidence)
Use an example that illustrates your point well. Hypothetical examples are okay. Think of a simple,
clear example that anyone can understand.
For example/ instance, …
Summarise Paragraph
Briefly summarise how your point and example support your opinion. Restate how this point helps
your argument.
Therefore, …
Supporting Paragraph #2 (85 words)
State Position #2
Start with a sentence that introduces your second main argument in support of your opinion.
On the other hand, …
Explain Why
Elaborate on why this point supports your opinion. Start with why this disadvantage is important.
The main reason is …
Give Example
Explanation: Use an example that illustrates your point well. Hypothetical examples are okay.
Think of a simple, clear example that anyone can understand.
For example/ instance, …
Summarise Paragraph
Briefly summarise how your point and example support your opinion. Restate how this point helps
your argument.
Therefore, …
Conclusion (45 words)
Summarise Essay
Write a sentence that recaps the main points you discussed in the essay. Combine your two main
points into one sentence.
In conclusion, …
Final Thought/ Closing statement
End with a thoughtful statement or suggestion that wraps up your essay nicely. This could be a
call to action, a prediction, or a final insight.
Ultimately

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Here is his essay:

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Li Y.

08:45

Some employers want to be able to contact their staff at all times, even on holidays. Does this development have more advantages than disadvantages?"

Introduction
Most of employers want to contact their staff or workers in stand by position even doing the holiday. I think this occur to everyone very often and a lot of us we always accept this type of call for work. Why? Because we need money, we need it for life, for support family, or any other situation.
It may change it in the future, but at this moment We are working under this condition.
Paragraph 1
The one of the advantages are you can earn more salary to support your life or families. As I understood, extra work or over worked. The salary will 3 times more than your normal paycheck. Therefore, I am happy to get more,
But I don’t want to over work than regular time. If the work over 2 hours. I can accept. But, if more than 3 hours, the salary needs to be more increase and have much more benefit for after work, for example: taxi to home after work, or extra days off.

Paragraph 2
When you on your holiday, and most people want to spend time with their friend or families. If the employer contact to you and tell you that you need work for some project. I will not really happy to accept the call from my boos or my manager. Why I have to work when I have me free time? I am a human and I need time and space for life and enjoy it.
Spending time with family are the most important things and one of the reasons we can spending our saving and having much more fun.

Conclusion
I know the fact is employers want their business became successfully and richer. They may forget how difficult the job to do or how many efforts the employee put on.
I would like to say that is, We work hard and we deserved more holiday or free time from the job, including the salary.

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