Repeat:
Invariably, at any conference luncheon, at least one table of eight intelligent people ends up staring at their plates trying to ﬁgure out how to get the conversation rolling after they’ve “talked shop” ten minutes too long! They could have avoided extensive examination of the rice pi- laf if just one person had been prepared. Yes, prepared— as in advance planning. All eight knew they would be sitting down with seven people they didn’t know. A good conversationalist prepares before the event. No worries—slides, laptop presentations, and laser pointers are not required! All 7 Prevent Pregnant Pauses with Preparation that is needed is a bit of forethought that can be accom- plished in the car on the way to the event. Here are a few foolproof ideas: D ON’T L ET OLD ACQUAINTA NCES BE FORGOTTEN You need more than icebreakers to enjoy your time conversing with others. You need to tailor your prepara- tion to the nature of the occasion and the people with whom you’ll be talking. One of the toughest audiences— after kids—is an acquaintance you see only once in a Jump Starters • Did anyone happen to catch that special on TV last night? • Have any of you seen the ﬁlm . . . • I just ﬁnished reading ______. Has anyone read it yet? • Have any of you heard of that new ______ technology? • Does anyone here have a (bank, hairdresser, stockbroker, etc.) they could recommend? prevent pregnant pauses with preparation . 85 while. You have some history together, you know a bit about each other, and you don’t have a clue what’s changed in the year since you last saw each other. In fact, it’s good to assume that things probably have changed. Suppose you see a colleague annually at an industry func- tion. In the past twelve months your colleague may have gotten a different job, experienced the death of a close friend or relative, gone on an extraordinary vacation, had a spiritual awakening, or gotten married or divorced. In other words, don’t presume that you are picking up a conversation that started a year ago. Without asking So what’s new?, a question that begs the conversation- stopping answer Not much, seek out what’s new and keep the conversation rolling with questions like these: With Acquaintances Use • Bring me up to date on . . . • What’s been going on with work since I last saw you? • What has changed in your life since we spoke last? • How’s your year been? • What’s new with the family? 86 . the fine art of small talk GETTING A HISTORY L ESSON Frequently, you ﬁnd yourself in an awkward silence or a pregnant pause in the conversation. It is up to you to either invigorate the conversation or allow it to slowly grind to a halt. Do your part to charge up the conversa- tion by being prepared with questions on the origin and history of those people you are with. For instance, you can inquire: With Acquaintances Don’t Use • How’s your wife/husband/partner? • How’s your job at . . . ? • What are your child’s college plans? All of the above can backﬁre if you do not know the person well. prevent pregnant pauses with preparation . 87 PREPARING FOR THE LONG HAUL Prepare for a conversation like you’d prepare for an interview—both as the interviewer and the interviewee. It takes much less effort to prepare for a conversation than a job interview, but the philosophy is the same. You want to have material prepared that is relevant to the event so that you can converse articulately and gracefully. I call the questions that fall into this category “inter- viewing questions”; they help keep the conversation humming along. As I drive into a parking lot before en- History Lessons • How did you two meet? • How did you get started ______? • What got you interested in this area? • When did you ﬁrst know you wanted to be a ______? • What brought you to Colorado? • How do you all know each other? • What got you interested in marketing? • What gave you the idea for this business? • What happened ﬁrst? 88 . the fine art of small talk tering a meeting, luncheon, or any type of function, I prepare as if for an interview. I spend two minutes think- ing about speciﬁc interviewing questions that apply to the person(s), event, or situation I am about to encounter. Most of us ﬁnd ourselves seated across from a stranger we know nothing about; we panic and cannot think of any- thing to say. What an awkward moment! Think about it: When is the worst time to think of something to talk about? When there is nothing to talk about! Here are some examples of interviewing questions you can cus- tomize to ﬁt your own personality: Interviewing Questions • What do you enjoy most about this season of the year? • What got you involved in this organization/event? • If you weren’t here, what would you be doing at this very moment? • If you could meet any one person, whom would you choose? • Tell me about an issue that matters a great deal to you. prevent pregnant pauses with preparation . 89 When you are getting together with a person you have spent time with before, review some of the particu- lars you learned on previous occasions. Maybe you dis- cussed the M.B.A. they were working on, or the volleyball league they coach each spring, or the fact that gardening is a beloved hobby. Don’t expect to recall these speciﬁcs during a pregnant pause. Instead, prepare yourself! Interviewing Questions • What word would you say describes you best? • Do you have a personal motto or creed? • Do you have any heroes that you greatly admire? • What did people in high school think you were like? • What do you do that you wish you could stop doing? Interviewing Questions • What has been your most important work experience? 90 . the fine art of small talk THE NONVERBA L PA RT OF THE CONVERSATION One of my favorite exercises when teaching Small Talk seminars illustrates the point beautifully.