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 and if he had to come to terms with
those words that he'd written so ago in
book 4 meditations this is 4 37 it says
on the verge of dying and you're still
weighed Down Still turbulent still
convinced that external things can harm
you still rude to other people still not
acknowledging the truth that wisdom is
Justice I just love the the intensity
with which he's addressing himself
Marcus again isn't perfect he's still
struggling with it he's still he's
saying it's the end of your life and you
still haven't gotten this right and he's
repeating to himself who he wants to be
how he should be and I think and this is
the important part he's also saying it's
not too late it's never too late it's
funny Marcus is I think meditating on
Memento Mori to root himself in the
present moment and you do notice that
Marcus talks about the present moment
over and over and over again in
meditations he's reminding yourself that
it's the only thing you have it's the
only thing you can lose I think that's
because he
like us found it so easy to get
distracted to think about the past or
the future to worry about this to regret
that and the consequence of that is
you're losing the only thing you have
he's saying which is which is right now
the fruit of this life Marcus says at
one point in meditation is good
character and acts of the common good
elsewhere he talks about those epithets
for the self those are two pretty good
ones right that you should be good
character always and do good things for
other people always and to Marcus that's
what he was striving to do all with good
character Good Deeds it's hard to come
up with a better summation for a good
life than that there's a pretty amazing
story about Mark's really it's pretty
late in life he's seen leaving his
Palace in Rome he's carrying these
tablets and if a friend says where are
you going he says I'm off to see sexist
the philosopher to learn that which I do
not yet know the friend Marvel she says
here's the most powerful man in the
world even as an old age picking up his
books and going to school I think that's
in effect what Marcus is he remains a
student it's his notebook it's his
exercise book it's his workbook he's
doing work on himself even as an old man
and the fruits of that come down to us
it's just so wonderful to think of
Marcus even as an old man maybe some of
the lions in here he learned from sex is
the philosopher he thanks sexist
philosopher in book one the debts and
lessons chapter so the idea for Marcus
was that you always stay a student we
know that Marcus Williams doesn't want
to be emperor in fact he breaks down and
cries when he is told he's going to be
Emperor because he knew how many bad
Emperors there were and I also think he
probably had a little bit of imposter
syndrome he wasn't someone who sought
out power and so when power came his way
he wondered if you could do it if he had
the skills if he was strong enough smart
enough firm enough ruthless enough but
before Marcus becomes Emperor he has a
dream we're told and in that dream
he dreams that he has shoulders made of
ivory that was to him letting himself
know that he was strong enough to Bear
the weight he
reminding himself of that lesson that he
learned many years ago early on before
he taken power he says remind yourself
that if it's humanly possible know that
you can do it also these people aren't
better than you they're not given some
gift that you don't have they became who
they needed to be they gave themselves
the shoulders of ivory that Marx really
is realized deep down he had all along
the stoics speak of this idea of the
inner Citadel this sort of part inside
yourself that can't be touched by
externals good news bad news good
fortune Misfortune Marx realist writes
that stuff cannot touch the soul and I
think that's what we see despite all the
things that we know happen to Marcus in
his life all the good fortune that he
did not meet with all the misfortune
that he did not deserve nothing touches
the inner goodness inside him that's
what meditation shows it shows that
despite the filth the dust uh the stress
of Life what remains is the goodness he
keeps that pure bubbling up always
there's just no one that Marcus speaks
more highly of in meditation than
antoninus or more consistently antoninus
takes up a bigger Chunk in meditation
than Marx's mother than Marcus's family
and he comes back to it later in the
book antoninus is a gift from the gods
in Marcus's view he's older than Marcus
they have no blood relation but they
have this long apprenticeship with each
other Marcus seizes this for all that it
could be he studies antoninus he was the
model Ernest bernon says but the perfect
life for Marcus and so that's why
repeatedly in meditations you see Marcus
talking about what he learned from
antoninus what he learns from his
adopted stepfather and I think having a
hero like that is just so important and
it's why Anthony's takes up such a big
chunk of debts and lessons sometimes
when I sign copies of the daily stoic or
when people want me to sign their copies
of Marx surrealist which is a weird
thing I could have never imagined you
know 15 years ago I write that one of my
favorite quotes from Mark surrealist he
says fight to be the person philosophy
tried to make you or I shorten that I do
my version of it I say fight to be the
person philosophy wants you to be that
to me is the struggle of Marcus Aurelius
he wants to be what antoninus knows he
could be what Rome needs him to be what
philosophy what stoicism thought he
could be and that was the ideal the
standard that he aspired to be like
always you know meditations is filled
with self-criticism with pushing himself
to be better calling himself into