Part III
Making a lasting change

Going with the waves
of change

Change is not easy. Even if you are fully motivated to enhance your
health and wellbeing, you buy this book, select your health and wellbeing activities, and approach them with a gung-ho attitude, you may still
find it challenging to achieve your goals. There are many reasons for
this, and in this section, we will discuss some of the main obstacles that
may get in the way of your success. Familiarising yourself with potential
obstacles will help you prepare for them and hopefully overcome them
more effectively.
When creating the list of obstacles and potential solutions to them,
we have drawn on over half a century of the theories developed by psychologists to help you change your behaviour, engage more effectively
with wellbeing and health tools, and maintain your behaviour. Table 10.1
provides a list of the theories this chapter is based on. Feel free to review
it further if you are interested in learning more. In the meantime, let’s get
to work and tackle those obstacles that get in the way of you changing
and maintaining your new health and wellbeing practice.
“I don’t know how to improve my health and wellbeing” or “I know
what I need to do, I just don’t know where to start”.
Reading this book will give you the knowledge on how to do it, and
this chapter will hopefully provide you with the steps you can take to
apply your knowledge. If this doesn’t work, you can work with a health
coach or a therapist who would guide you through the process of skills
improvement. Alternatively, you can reflect on how you have built your
skills in the past. What has worked for you? Who did you do it with?
What resources have you used? Then, come up with a plan to apply the
same technique to improve your health and wellbeing skills.
“I am not sure if I am ready to improve my health and wellbeing now.
Maybe next year”.

Operant Learning All behaviour has consequences. Positive consequences
Theory (Skinner, will encourage you to keep going. Punishment will
1953) lead only to a temporary change, and soon, you will
revert to unwanted behaviour. This theory favours
positive reinforcement. E.g. Treat yourself after completing
a difficult tool.

Social Learning We live in a social world, and as such, we can learn from
Theory others. Model other people’s behaviour, break it down
(Bandura, 1971) into sequence and practice. E.g. do you know someone
who walks every day for 1 hour? How do they do it? How
do they find the time, and what do they do when it’s raining?
Ask them, observe them, figure out how they overcome
obstacles, and try it out yourself.
Social Cognitive Self-efficacy is our confidence to make changes or
Theory perform certain tasks. Our confidence increases via
(Bandura, 1997) four sources: (1) mastery experiences, (2) modelling,
(3) social/verbal persuasion, and (4) physiological
experiences. E.g. I’m not sure if I can enhance my
wellbeing. To improve my self-efficacy, I keep practising
tools (mastery), I watch how my friend engages with tools
and can already see a positive change in her (modelling).
My friend cheers me on (verbal persuasion), and I had
butterflies in my stomach when doing some of the tools.
I thought I was anxious, but now I know I was just
excited

Theory of Planned Our intentions are determined by a mixture of our
Behaviour (1) attitude towards the behaviour, (2) social norms,
(Ajzen, 1991) and (3) how much we can control the behaviour.
E.g. your success in weight loss will depend on your
attitude towards it (losing weight will make me healthier),
social norms (as a family, we eat a lot of fast food),
perceived control (I will not be able to stop myself when
my family gets a take-away).

Health Action Forming a goal is not enough to change behaviour. After
Process setting up a goal, we plan with task self-efficacy, coping
Approach self-efficacy, and recovery self-efficacy, and only then
(Schwarzer, we act. E.g. I would like to do expressive writing (goal).
1992)1 I plan the following. I am confident I have a good plan and
can do this tool every day for the next 3 days (plan for task
self-efficacy). Even when my life becomes hectic, I have a
clear plan on how to keep going (plan for coping self-efficacy).
However, if for whatever reason I stop doing this activity for
a day or two, I have a plan on how to restart it (plan for
recovery self-efficacy).

Transtheoretical There are five distinct stages of behavioural change,
model (1) pre-contemplation (we do not consider a change),
(Prochaska & (2) contemplation (we consider pros and cons of
DiClemente, change), (3) preparation (planning for a change), (4)
1983) action (taking steps to change), and (5) maintenance
(sustaining changed behaviour). E.g. I have read this
book, and I’m considering doing something, but I am not yet
sure if I am ready to engage with the tools; maybe in a few
months (contemplation)

Self-determination Six types of motivation can influence your behaviour:
theory (Deci & (1) amotivation (we don’t want to change), (2) external
Ryan, 1985) (to avoid punishment, others want us to do it),
(3) introjected (we want to avoid negative emotions,
e.g. feeling guilty), (4) identified (our behaviour will
result in outcomes we value), (5) integrated (our
behaviour is aligned with our values and identity, e.g. it
feels right), and (6) intrinsic (we do it for its own sake,
we enjoy it). The more you move towards intrinsic, the
more likely you are to sustain your planned behaviour.
E.g. I should really use some of these activities to improve
my wellbeing. It would be good not to feel so bad anymore
(identified).

If you are not ready to do it now, that’s okay; you can leave it until next
year. However, before you put this book aside, ask yourself why you
chose to read this book in the first place. Ask yourself “why” many times
(just like a child might), until you understand the deeper reasons for
doing it. What has since changed? Can you make small changes for the
time being that can serve you well? If so, what are they?
“I’m not sure I can change my health and wellbeing. I was born a
pessimist”.
Yes, we have a predisposition for wellbeing; however, it is not a life sentence, and you can still enhance it. We encourage you to re-read a section about genetic predisposition in Chapter 1. Hopefully, it will help
you realise that you can do things to enhance your health and wellbeing,
regardless of your age or personality.
“During the summer, I started a wellbeing-project, but as soon as I got
back to work, I was too tired to continue. What if the same thing happens
now?”

That was last year. Today can be different. Consider what you have learnt
from your experience. What has worked for you? What has not that you
would like to change?
“Some tools just don’t feel right.”
If some tools don’t feel right, don’t use them. There are plenty of other
tools that may be better suited to you. It is vital that the tools you have
selected feel right. Otherwise, you will be less likely to engage with them.
If there are tools that don’t quite fit, try to tweak them to feel right. For
example, if a tool asks you to take photographs and post them on social
media, but you don’t like using social media, then take photographs and
create a little album in which you describe the meaning of each photograph. This may feel more “right” to you.
“How do I select tools that suit my lifestyle?”
Start by honestly assessing your schedule and then ruthlessly looking for
a time to commit to yourself. You will choose tools that fit the time that
you have available. Remember to try to push out that available time.
Why is doing this tool vital to you? What is more important? What
would you gain by doing this tool? And might you save time somewhere
else if you take the time now to practice this tool? The other thing to
consider is if you need any specific materials to do a tool, for example,
writing material or a partner to forgive in the forgiveness exercise. And
lastly, start with the easy tasks, the ones that fit with your life, and build
up to ones that need may be more challenging.
“My partner doesn’t believe in psychology. If I started to count my
blessings, he would laugh at me”.
What people who are essential in your life think of the changes you want
to make is crucial and can significantly impact your success. If your partner, your friends, and other important people in your life do not agree
with some of these activities, it can make your journey of change so much
more difficult. You have two choices here. If the change is essential, brace
yourself for some criticism and keep going. Becoming an authentic self is
an arduous journey filled with many mixed emotions. Alternatively, you
can select other tools that you may even try to do with others.
That’s a great point, and the beauty of this book is that you don’t need
half an hour each day; you don’t even have to read the whole book! Some
tools in here take as little as 5 to 10 minutes, and you can dip in and out
of the tools and select individual tools without having to read the other
ones.
“It’s not me. I pride myself on my realism and criticism. I can’t
imagine myself completing a ‘best possible self’ activity. It’s just too positive for me”.
Yes, they are a bit too positive, and there’s excellent value in realism.
However, you can avoid these exercises altogether and still benefit
from other exercises that best suit you. It might be interesting as a
critical person to try these tasks for yourself and see how you respond
to them. You can then thoroughly critique them, having tried them
out!
“My family’s favourite dinner is meat, potato, and veg. If I started to
cook plant-based meals and give my children soy milk for their cereal, they
wouldn’t like it”.
It’s essential to keep the favourites going for your family. Small changes
in meals might be a better way to go. Adding one new ingredient to the
usual favourites or trying a soy-based dessert for fun could be an easy
way in. Maybe your children will be moved by the meaning behind the
changes if you ask them about their values and hopes for the environment
and their health. Children often have more capacity for change than we
give them credit for.
“I have great intentions, but when life gets busy, I stop looking after
myself”.
This is very common and normal. It is a great start that you notice this
habit in yourself. This is the first step! Next time you are busy, you can
try to be aware of this and make that the exact time to be mindful of
looking after yourself. Looking after yourself is not optional; if you don’t
do it, you won’t continue with your busy life. Start with tiny things: take
2 minutes for yourself to breathe or take a glass of water or be still. Notice
you are busy and acknowledge the feeling. These are reasonable steps to
stop the busy cycle and look after yourself.
“Will I be happier and healthier after I do these activities?”

Happiness is a subjective experience. We do not recommend that you
do these activities to be happier. Pursuing happiness can make you
self-focused and lonely. It is better to do these activities to maintain or
enhance your wellbeing and health. However, there are no guarantees
here. We hope that some of the activities in this book will help you do
it. We have provided research-based tools that have helped many other
people, so hopefully, they will help you too.
“My partner says I’ve been sad and irritable lately and that this book
could help me. I’m not sure”.
It is essential that you do this for yourself and not just because someone
else wants you to change. It is also worth saying that being irritable and
sad is okay and a normal part of the human experience. Do you think
you need help?
“I value wellbeing and health, which is why I’ve read this book. What
should I do next?”
Congratulations! Keep going; we never stop learning and growing. The
first step is to solidify your identity as someone who values wellbeing
and health. What steps support that identity? Who knows about this
identity? Who in your circle would not be surprised to hear this about
you? Can you find a community in which this identity can belong and
thrive?
Reflection time
Having reviewed this section, what are your biggest challenges/
obstacles for using the tools in this book to enhance your health and
wellbeing?
What is your plan to overcome your challenges/obstacles?

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