It only amounted to one, and it would always be one and never two —and through his jaundice-soaked corneas, all he could see was nausea. 
Suddenly, he was overcome by a violent heave, a primal urge rising in his liver. Bile stained his teeth, and the following retches were acidic, lashing the roof of his mouth with fury. It could never stop: his body rejected the substance over and over; he was hanging by a thread of sanity. “Not again. Please no-” Liam clenched his teeth, the crucial moment upon him; he had to keep the substance down, or the consequences would be dire. His eyes scanned the horizon with desperation before his lids slid closed, and he was wracked with shivers of resistance. Then, as the urge to be sick overcame him, a voice pierced through his fog of despair, a lifeline amidst his struggle. “Can you hear me?” the rough, concerned tone asked as Liam writhed against the concrete, groaning in agony. “Don’t try to answer that, just blink twice. Take it slow.” As he fought to drag his eyelids upward, the pain, like a coiling wire, constricted his blood flow in brutal retaliation. “Make it stop-No I-” he choked out , his voice puncturing the air. If he expelled the violating drug from his intestines, his efforts would to amount to zero. Square one. The next moment , the substance began its rise, emanating a negative battery melting into a metal cylinder as his throat tightened.

He was at the end of a long night,his vision raw from never resting his eyes, the blood vessels all but ruptured and torn. The ingested substance had been a sinister mistake , and if he threw up twice, the contraband would be purged from his system; he battled to hold it inside. All he had could never be enough, he countered, what ever could? Even his attempts to obey the voice , coming from somewhere above him, seemed in vain.

As Liam writhed in the dying sunlight, his skin erupted in feverish bumps, a crawling sensation exploring the surface of his skin. A sensation of violation jolted down his spine as he screamed through his clenched teeth in helplessness . The nausea rose again, claiming his entire being, his heart continuing to pulse, counting away the seconds till he submitted.

“Help me—No. No,” he pled through his locking jaw as he fought another potent wave. The instinctive reaction of his body gripped every fiber as he felt his fight ending. He sank his teeth into his gag, screaming against the material bound across his tongue, taunting his strength and resilience.

Then, in one dreaded motion, the inevitable rise built within him, futile to resistance. His pupils dilated with horror as his gag soon became saturated with the vile substance, leaving a bitter sting as he struggled against it; the retches that followed heaving through his chest.

Liam collapsed into the unforgiving embrace of the concrete, his ravaged body welcoming the end with resignation. “Shit,” he lamented in terror, the heat in his own voice spreading across his flesh like untamed fire .  “Twice… now it’s too late.” As he twisted his gaze away from the glistening pool of spilt contraband , he diverted the evident failure. And in a mixture of pure shock and trauma, his eyelids slid closed with exhaustion, his body embracing closure of his fight. After his ongoing efforts and endless torment, he failed to hold down the implanted substance, and it was over.

But the voice persisted, causing Liam to force his eyes open, gritting his teeth in determination. “No, I’m still here Liam; you just had an intense vomiting episode—hang tight,” the voice reassured. Liam shook his head in disbelief, protesting, the fear tugging at his psyche like a fishing line as he cursed at his uselessness in the matter.

“No, you can’t help—”

As Liam fought to refocus his gaze, a pair of deep hazel eyes locked onto his own with concern. “Hey, breathe . I’ve got you. Name’s Ryan. Hold on while I get rid of this-” Liam flinched as his gag was torn from his mouth, and he gasped for fresh air, the invasive atmosphere embalming him with perspiration.

“Oh, God, I threw up the contraband—those bastards will kill me like a dog. Or worse-” Liam’s eyes enlarged with realization as he spoke, running a hand through his gritted hair. . “I’ll be, well you saw right? …” Liam’s voice was filled with sickened resignation, his resolve seeping from his pores and evaporating into the arid atmosphere.

Ryan clamped his hand down over Liam’s kneecap in a firm gesture of shared solidarity. “I saw everything they did to you, yeah. And I’m still here alright?. Not about to abandon you now…”

Liam, reaching up and gripping Ryan’s arm firmly, smiled against the warm twilight rays of daylight that clung to his flesh. “I’m sorry you had to see all this… how Lanny times was I re-fed the drug after failing?”

Ryan responded with a gun-metal hollowness, his words smoked out by his steady exhale. “Several times at least . Enough times enough for anyone, let’s say that.”
Liam wrapped his arm around Ryan’s shoulder, hoisting himself from the ground into a slouch, bracing his other arm behind himself, and standing upright:”. “Oh, God, they almost killed me already.”

Ryan only whispered in reply, his voice thick with acknowledgment. “Yeah.”

The drugs in his vision burned with a harsh sting, and Liam shook his head to regain some clarity. “I don’t even remember how I got here.”

Ryan outstretched his lean, muscular arm and hauled Liam to his feet with an exhaustive grunt, wrapping an arm around his chest in support of his weight. “I can explain to you exactly how, but it’s not safe here. Later. Just try to walk with me; you look like hell, but we can get out of here.”

As the struggled along, footsteps not falling in sync , Liam fought to hold himself together as a flashback scorned him . “How long has it been since I was thrown down here from a helicopter? How did you get here, the same way? Please tell me you know something about this concrete hell ?” Liam almost demanded answers from the barren atmosphere in an attempt to anchor himself. Ryan maintained a noncommittal gaze as he stared beyond Liam’s eyes, resting a hand on his shoulder . “I was thrown down here after you. And I was held at gunpoint but , my mistake was to resist the contraband, I suppose yours was to accept being a plant for them. “ Liam , gripping Ryan’s forearm for leverage, lowered his gaze to avert the glare . “How was it a mistake to refuse …this?” I’m so dehydrated not sure I can keep going Ry’ . I need to find water , and shade. And soon.”

The air was unrelenting in its suctioning nature, stripping the moisture from their skin as they navigated the bare footpath, no roads or buildings in sight—a concrete ladder of deception that went on for hours, tracking their heavy footsteps. Liam, with his gaze fixated on the maze of concrete, pondered the elapse of time. “You know , we could just let them gain on us, and pretend we were dropped here. “ Ryan fell to the ground by Liam, out of breath , hushing his tone . “You mean?” Liam , nodding as footsteps grew closer , bore a glint in his eye. “Yeah I’m talking … you binding me back up , and then you acting like you just bust your own binds, just playin’ dumb” Before he could elaborate, Ryan was tearing the hems from his jeans and gesturing for Liam to lie down , planking himself low in the grass. “Here , bite down “Liam wrapped his tongue around the gag and groaned as if agony were ripping through him, thrashing his head in mock-distress. Ryan smirked , as he tore fibres of denim apart and strew them across his lap as if he’d ripped them in panic. Then , smearing dirt across his face, and running some loose soil through his teeth he grunted “How do I look?” . Liam jostled his gag aside with the turn of his head “like a fucking princess , now realign my gag and act like you’ve just seen-” Shoving Liam’s gag back into place, a gunshot rang out and Ryan dropped to the ground , his smile gone . “Shit , I hope this works-“  

As Liam accepted a night of sleep in his self imposed gag, with Ryan in his vision as his closed his eyes, the taste of water seem potent. “Glad we got our hands on these” he said, gesturing at the stockpile of plastic drink bottles, their labels faded , and falling away with the length they’d been undiscovered. “Whoever stashed these in an actual trench, I’ve gotta find that bastard and kiss him” Liam laughed, as fatigue washed over his slowed movements. “You can just sleep already” Ryan groaned and toyed with his fake gag remains  in disbelief . “It actually pays to be crazy. I mean technically we are still kidnapped right, but we have a night to sleep , recover and then devise a plan to get out of here for real” Liam smiled , his eyes still closed , offered a swift taunt, perforating the silence with a chuckle. “Already on it, Ry, already cookin’ the getaway. There’ll be a Mercedes , women, dunno how many, how many would you-“ 
“Shut up , I thought you just couldn’t wait to lie down cause of the fatigue and the dehydration  …” 

“Aww Ry, you know my levity is jeopardy “

“What does that even mean?”

“It means I’m fatigued and dehydrated and I need sleep . night Ry, couldn’t have made it to this forsaken trench without you. This dug out hole of sheer beauty. “ 

“Yeah yeah, couldn’t have got this far without you either. Pains me to admit but back there , what you went through kept me going. “

“don’t get sentimental on me now, Ryan” 

Liam was met with a placating silence, Ryan’s consciousness slipping into the malaise of exhaustion, reassuring after all the discourse they’d endured. Liam embraced the calm , his eyes glazing over as hydration salved his nerves .


 “If he vomits it up… we’ll just have to get Valen to deal with it” Ryan clung to every word , albeit with slipping clarity , his heart raging through his chest. “He won’t be able to keep it down though. You know he’s a useless vessel..Threw it up once already . And he can’t even purge it in one go.. takes him two rounds. He’ll dehydrate before he’s any real use… “ The air was innocuous yet insidious as Ryan drew a breath, feeling eyes on him , his blindfold baring a sliver of vision. “Next, we implant him. His refusal , his stupidity in thinking we offer options . “ Then as a splatter of saliva hit the ground near Ryan’s cheek, where he lay facedown, the voice conceded. “He’s the new vessel when this piece of scum fishing throwing up “ . Ryan watched in pure horror as a boot made rough contact with Liam’s ribcage, and the force of the boot elicited a wrought groan from his bound body . “Ah, you fuckers” he grunted , “I’d take you all sideways , but you’d enjoy it too much “ . Shaking his head at Liam’s audacity, Ryan smirked despite the discomfort of watching Liam suffer in his place. As the shadows of their boots dissipated with heavy thuds, Ryan threw a few words at Liam, his words strained and dry. “Man, I’m sorry…If I’d have known how they intended to -“ Unfazed , Liam only grinned in response , “Ryan, buddy, it’s simple , I said yes, and now here we are . But I have an idea, and you’ll owe me later. I notice your blindfold is a little outta place…only cause I’m down here and I can see your pores …but yeah. You know what will happen and when it does , just have a medical emergency yeah? I’m talking the whole enchilada, spasming, coughing up your own blood-“ Ryan, raining his eyebrows above his blindfold , conveyed his incredulity. “I could feign choking… on your vomit , I’ll make this work . At this stage I don’t really care how disgusting your insides will taste . Maybe I’ll actually throw up…” Liam maintained his smirk, “Ry, I like how you think …I can appreciate a man with a sick mind.”

Ryan only held fragments of the plan in his drained conscious, as Liam’s memory dispersed into a tangled web of loose wires that disconnected and short circuited. “Liam, stop thrashing . Just let it happen-“ Ryan’s pleas fell into the rancid , stale air between them, as Liam convulsed , screaming “No-please… I can’t do this anymore-please-. His voice , hoarse from the overuse , weaved through the night with repetition that haunted Ryan as he forfeited sleep. “Just vomit so I can take your damn place, please “ Ryan whispered, unable to watch another pained movement from Liam, his outline traced by cool, eerie moonlight, its soft caress filled with disconcerting illumination . His perspiration-soaked flesh radiating heat , the silvery, contrasting glow that hugged Liam’s burning skin twisted nausea into Ryan’s gut.

Mid afternoon , the taste of autumn was not too far away , when he had turned the thick, solid, reliable doorknob of his front door and stumbled drunkenly over the threshold into his apartment, his golden retriever straining not to lose his bladder as Ryan fell onto the sofa. “Hey Sadie girl” he called, and she dropped her head under his chin, deep brown eyes demanding his attention. Comfortable silence fell over him as he channel surfed , fiddled with the strands of stray cotton on his tracksuit pants and the occasion him hair Sadie had left behind. He then reached for a video game controller, and proceeded to blast the living hell out of a richly woven tapestry of technicolor escapism. Shoving responsibility, such as his overflowing sink , un-vacuumed carpet , to the side , he drowned his self indulgent pleasures Ryan glanced out across the field, the sizzling heat blanching the concrete under the bleachers. Another afternoon of training was wrapping up around him, with random teammates clapping him over the shoulder as they jogged past. His tendons ached with fatigue, and he attempted to ease the strain in his neck by stretching it wearily to the side.

“So tired of all this,” he muttered, despite the sense of fulfillment pulsing through his veins. It never quite seemed enough.

Removing the residual sweat from his face with the hem of his jersey, he wrenched at the corner and dragged it across his brow. As he craned his neck, his taut abs caught the afternoon sunshine, and he was assaulted by a barrage of wolf whistles.

“Yo, Ryan, you’ve been benching, eh?” one male voice called out to him from across the field.

“She ain’t gonna call you back, but I will!” another jibed in good humour.

“As if I’d have the time for that, my life is so stressful I could just about—” Ryan lamented, his attention suddenly swallowed by a passing silhouette, a female figure with a perfect, core-of-an apple shape. His stare glassed over as Lara sent him a smile from behind her dark hair, her olive complexion glowing in the orange light as she came into view . Her light green eyes lingered just a moment too long and his stomach shot him a rush of intoxication as he smiled back, enamoured .

“Yeah, that’s what we don’t have time for , Ryan “ he mumbled under his breath, well out of her earshot as she elapsed him like a polarising eclipse as he ran his tongue along the inside of his teeth, shaking his head. Her pristine white teeth, full lips and the echoes of her laughter interweaved through the blaring whistle of his coach. His legs screamed with lactic acid from running drills , and he found relief in the cooling breeze that brushed against his perspiration. In the quiet reprieve of the emptying arena, his thoughts flashed to his profoundly emptier shoe-box apartment. His hand, running along a faded imprint across his back, sent him chills . It was when his time was idle , his fingers would explore all the old wounds and he stopped himself; steeling his grip on his forearm. The impending evening promised him a decent meal , a sound night of sleep and insurmountable volumes of pay-per-view. Yet he felt exhausted as his mind flirted with the prospect of abandon. A night of rampant corruption, of revelry, and flames of his inexhaustible youth. That’s when he felt a presence at his shoulder , and he lift his gaze. “Lara? How long have you been standing there?” he asked, broken from his distraction. “Not long, you look stressed out, is everything okay?” Her soft lilt fell on his ears , rendering him speechless .


“Oh yeah. Just , life of a quarterback, y’know how hard it is being in demand right?”

“Cheerleading coach and head cheerleader in an institution like this, yeah I think I might have a slight idea.”

Her laugh washed over him as his mind was soothed by its smoothness. “I have to get back out there , but I just wanted to say hey.” Leaning forward, she pressed an open palm against his shoulder, leaving a slip of paper fluttering into his lap as she walked away.

“Hey , to you too” he called out , in disorientation, fishing the scrap of paper from his lap. His fingers toyed with edge of the paper, and he slipped it into his pocket with resignation

There was no answer as she disappeared into the haze of twilight that shimmered across the field .

“What have we got ourselves into , huh?” . He grinned ruefully at the setting sun , with her number under his fingers as they returned to the crumpled paper and traced the digits with temptation . He sighed into the unfolding night as he rose from the bleachers and made his way toward the parking lot.

After a long few hours spent in traffic , Ryan curtailed the escalating effect of gridlock on his nerves by fiddling with the radio. Song after song, he surfed the channels , sifting through droning ballads and unrelated classics that remanded him vaguely of childhood. Unresolved, he switched the station off entirely, strumming a fabricated tune on his jeans , and humming in agitation.

“C’mon” he willed the stagnant vehicles with an offset jaw, scratching at his shoulder blade and realigning his neck . As the faint honking of horns replaced the old classics that had been playing , he found himself trapped.
His mind was transported to an afternoon from years back, one he never recalled often , and its vivid presence made him flinch.

The sun had been a waning backdrop as he’d stood crying on a green lawn, plastic spade in hand. A sandpit laid under his bare feet, and a familiar voice thundered through him, grinding him to a halt . Tears streamed down his face , each one a grave mistake. “You have until the count of three to stop crying-“ Looming above him, his fate was closing in as the authorising voice descended upon him. “ One…I’m not playing around , Ryan …Two-“ .

Suddenly the blare of a horn sent sobering reality coursing through him as his eyes flew open and he slammed the accelerator, his memory entrenching itself in the dark corners of his subconscious as he drove in silence.The shadows of the highway painted themselves across his features in a haunting reflection of his solitude.


Eventually he swung the leather wheel into its neutral position, unjamming the keys from the ignition . His long journey was over , but only just beginning as he encountered the stairs to his second floor apartment, , lethargy mocking him every step he endured. He fell onto his couch it misery, not paying the idiot box one iota of attention. Flashes of his friends, his studies , and lukewarm food, passed through his thoughts. And the occasional splice of Lara’s embodiment of perfection made his void stomach flip. He then fell in an encompassing sleep, his entire psyche drowned in the salvation of dreamless peace .


Sun came streaming into the claustrophobic living room, stirring Ryan from his unconscious haven. His eyes , opening and closing again as he groaned, radiated the early morning and forced him awake. His hands drifted absent minded , to the intricate patterns just above the small of his back. His clenching teeth ground tighter and he fingered the imprint with disdain. Already unsure of how it had been inflicted , it was all a part of the blueprint that he covered day in , day out. Like a roadmap only he had the itinerary to. But as he folded deep creases into the map and buried it into his mind , it was safe in the shallows of his mind for another day . Retrieving the slip of paper from his jeans , her number jarred at his mind . He punched the string of digits into his phone , and glared at the screen, before locking it and prying himself off the couch . After showering, and shovelling a dry , milk-laced bowl of cereal down into his wrenching stomach, he stopped at his door. “Well , here goes nothin’” he muttered as he thumbed his phone’s screen and his index finger touched