read it write down everything you learn from it THEY DON’T EXPECT IMMEDIATE RESULTS
Patience, persistence and perspiration make an unbeatable combination for success.
—NAPOLEON HILL

Marcy couldn’t identify any specific reason why she was unhappy in her life, but she described an overall sense of dissatisfaction. She explained her marriage was “okay” and she had a fairly healthy relationship with her two children. She didn’t really mind her job, but it certainly wasn’t her dream career. She just didn’t feel as happy as she’d like to be and she thought she might be more stressed than the average person, but she couldn’t offer any specifics.

She’d spent years reading self-help book after self-help book but none of them were life altering. And the three sessions of therapy she’d tried a couple of years ago hadn’t really changed her life either. She was pretty certain that more therapy wouldn’t help, but she thought if she could show her doctor that she’d tried it for a few sessions, he might be willing to prescribe medication that would make her feel happier. She was up front in saying that she didn’t really have any time or energy to devote to therapy at this point in her life.

I acknowledged to Marcy that she was right—if she didn’t want to put in any effort, therapy wouldn’t do any good. But I also explained that medication usually wasn’t a quick fix either. In fact, most antidepressants take at least four to six weeks before people notice any type of change. Sometimes it takes many months to find the right medication and the right dosage. And some people never experience any type of relief at all.

I clarified that therapy didn’t need to be a lifelong commitment. Instead, short-term therapy could be effective. It wasn’t the amount of sessions that made the difference—it was the amount of work she did that would determine how successful therapy would be and how quickly she’d see results. Armed with that new knowledge, Marcy said she’d need to spend some time thinking about her options. Within a few days, she called back and said she wanted to give therapy a try and she was willing to make it a priority in her life.

Within the first few sessions, it became clear that Marcy expected immediate results in many areas of her life. Whenever she tried anything new, whether it was an exercise class or a hobby, she gave up quickly if she wasn’t seeing the results she wanted. She sometimes tried to improve her marriage because she really wanted a “wonderful” relationship, and not just a so-so one. For a few weeks, she’d work on being the best wife she could be, but when she didn’t experience marital bliss right away, she’d give up.

Over the next few weeks we discussed how her expectations of immediate gratification had affected her not just personally but also professionally. She had always wanted to get her master’s degree so she could advance in her career, but she felt like it would take forever so she didn’t bother. Now that she’d put off her two-year degree for another ten years, she felt more frustrated about it than ever.

Marcy kept attending therapy and over the next few months, she discovered strategies to help her tolerate frustration and learn patience. She began looking at several goals she wanted to reach—including furthering her education and improving her marriage. As she identified small, action steps she could take, we discussed how she could measure her progress. Marcy tackled her new goals with a new attitude—she knew it would take time to see major results and she prepared herself for that. She noticed that her newfound resolve to create change helped improve her life as she gained new hope for the future and her ability to move forward one step at a time.

PATIENCE ISN’T YOUR VIRTUE
Although we live in a fast-paced world, we can’t get everything we want instantly. Whether you’re hoping to improve your marriage or you want to start your own business, expecting immediate results can set you up to fail. Do any of the points below sound familiar?

    You don’t believe good things come to those who wait.

    You think of time as money and you don’t want to risk wasting a single second.

    Patience isn’t your strong suit.

    If you don’t see immediate results, you’re likely to presume what you’re doing isn’t working.

    You want things done now.

    You often look for shortcuts so you don’t have to expend as much effort and energy getting what you want.

    You feel frustrated when other people don’t seem to go at your pace.

    You give up when you aren’t seeing results fast enough.

    You have trouble sticking to your goals.

    You think everything should happen fast.

    You tend to underestimate how long it will take to reach your goals or accomplish something.

Mentally strong people recognize that a quick fix isn’t always the best solution. A willingness to develop realistic expectations and an understanding that success doesn’t happen overnight is necessary if you want to reach your full potential.

WHY WE EXPECT IMMEDIATE RESULTS
Marcy felt like she’d just gotten impatient as she grew older. When things didn’t happen at her pace, she became demanding. In fact, her mantra had become “I’m not getting any younger.” Her aggressive demeanor worked well in a few areas of her life—her children and her coworkers were more likely to comply when they knew she meant business. But that impatience spilled over into other areas of her life where it didn’t serve her so well and it damaged some of her relationships.

Marcy isn’t alone in her quest for immediate relief from distress. One in ten Americans takes an antidepressant. Although antidepressants can help people with clinical depression, research shows the vast majority of people taking them haven’t ever been diagnosed with depression by a mental health professional. Still, plenty of people want to take medication as a shortcut to improving their lives. The same goes for children. Parents who have kids with behavior problems often ask for a “pill” to manage them. Although legitimate attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder can respond to medication, there isn’t a pill that magically makes kids behave.

We live in a fast-moving world of “no lines, no waiting.” We no longer have to send a letter and wait several days for it to arrive. Instead, we can use e-mail to transmit information anywhere in the world within seconds. We don’t have to wait for commercials to end before resuming our favorite TV shows. On-demand movies mean we can watch almost any movie we want in an instant. Microwaves and fast food mean we can get our food in a matter of minutes. And we can order almost anything we want online and have it delivered to our doors within twenty-four hours.

Not only does our fast-paced world discourage us from waiting, but there are always stories floating around about someone who has become an “overnight success.” You hear about a musician who gets discovered from a YouTube video or a reality star who becomes an instant celebrity. Or start-ups that make millions of dollars as soon as they get off the ground. These types of accounts fuel our desire to get immediate results from whatever we’re doing.

Despite the stories about people and businesses achieving immediate results, in reality, success is rarely instant. Twitter’s founder spent eight years creating mobile and social products before founding Twitter. Apple’s first iPod took three years and four versions before sales really took off. Amazon wasn’t profitable for the first seven years. There is often folklore about these businesses that suggests they became overnight successes, but that’s because people are looking at the end result and not at all the work it took to get there.

So it’s no wonder we have come to expect immediate results in other areas of our lives. Whether we’re trying to rid ourselves of bad habits, like overeating or drinking too much, or we’re working toward goals like paying off debt or earning a college degree, we want it now. Here are some more reasons why we expect immediate results:

•    We lack patience. It’s evident in our everyday behavior that we expect things to happen immediately. If we don’t get results, we give up. A study conducted by Ramesh Sitaraman, a computer science professor at UMass Amherst, found that when it comes to technology, our patience lasts two seconds. If within two seconds, an online video doesn’t load, people start leaving the website. Clearly, our patience is short and when we don’t get the results we want right away, it affects our behavior.

•    We overestimate our abilities. Sometimes we tend to think that we’ll do so well at something that we’ll see results right away. Someone may incorrectly assume he’s likely to become the best performing salesperson at his company within his first month of employment or someone else may assume he can lose twenty pounds in just two weeks. Overestimating your abilities can leave you feeling disappointed when you find that you’re not able to perform as well as you’d predicted.

•    We underestimate how long change takes. We’re so used to technology accomplishing things quickly, we incorrectly assume that change in all the areas of our lives can happen fast. We lose sight of the fact that personal change, business operations, and people don’t move nearly as fast as technology.

THE PROBLEM WITH EXPECTING IMMEDIATE RESULTS
Marcy was missing out on new opportunities because she only wanted to do the things in life that would be quick and painless. Although she devoted countless hours to reading self-help books, she didn’t apply any of the information to her life. She’d always given up on therapy quickly and wanted to find a pill to magically change her life. She overlooked many chances to improve her life because she always expected immediate results.

Unrealistic expectations about how easy it is to make changes and get fast results can set you up to fail. In a 1997 research study titled “End-of-Treatment Self-Efficacy: A Predicator of Abstinence,” researchers reported they found that patients who were overly confident about their ability to abstain from alcohol when they’re discharged from a rehabilitation facility were more likely to relapse compared to patients who were less confident. Overconfidence may cause you to assume that you’ll reach your goal with ease, and then if you don’t get immediate results, you may struggle to stay on course.

Expecting immediate results can also cause you to prematurely abandon your efforts. If you aren’t seeing results right away, you may incorrectly assume your efforts aren’t working. A business owner who invests money in a new marketing campaign may assume her efforts didn’t work because she doesn’t see an instant increase in sales. But perhaps her investment in advertising is increasing brand recognition that will lead to a steady increase in sales over the long term. Or maybe someone who goes to the gym for a month doesn’t see bigger muscles when he looks in the mirror, so he assumes his workouts aren’t effective. But, in reality, he’s slowly making progress that will take many months, not just weeks. And there’s research that suggests we’re giving up on our goals faster than ever before. A 1972 study called “Self-Initiated Attempts to Change Behavior: A Study of New Year’s Resolutions” found that 25 percent of the study’s participants abandoned their New Year’s resolutions after fifteen weeks. Fast-forward to 1989, and 25 percent of people were abandoning their resolutions after only one week.

Here are some other potential negative consequences that can occur when you expect to see immediate results:

•    You may be tempted to take shortcuts. If you’re not getting fast enough results, you may fall prey to hurrying things along in an unnatural manner. If a dieter isn’t getting the results she wants in a couple of weeks, she may go on a crash diet in an attempt to speed up the process. Athletes who want to get stronger and faster may take performance-enhancing drugs. Shortcuts can have dangerous consequences.

•    You won’t be prepared for the future. Wanting everything now will prevent you from looking at the long-term picture. The desire to get immediate results is evident in the way people view investments. People want to see a return on their investment now, not thirty years from now. The 2014 Retirement Confidence Survey found that 36 percent of Americans have less than $1,000 in savings or investments. Clearly, there are likely to be economic factors involved that prevent people from placing money into retirement, but our desire for instant gratification is also likely to play a role. People don’t want to set aside money in long-term investments because they want to enjoy their money today.

•    Unrealistic expectations can cause you to draw the wrong conclusions. If you expect immediate results, you may be tempted to assume you’ve seen enough to develop a conclusion, but in reality, you may not have given it enough time to get an accurate picture. A person who is unable to get a business off the ground in a year may decide he’s a complete failure in the business world because he didn’t make any money. But in reality, he just didn’t give his start-up enough time to turn it into a viable business venture.

•    It leads to negative and uncomfortable emotions. When your expectations aren’t met, you’re likely to become disappointed, impatient, and frustrated. When you experience increased negative emotions, your progress may be slowed and you may be tempted to give up altogether when you think you should be seeing a better outcome.

•    You may engage in behavior that sabotages your goals. Unrealistic expectations may influence your behavior and make it more difficult to achieve the results you want. If you expect a cake to be baked quickly, you may open the oven door to check it repeatedly. Each time you open the oven, you allow heat to escape, which ultimately means the cake will take even longer to bake. When you expect things to happen fast, your behavior may interfere with your efforts before you even realize it.

COMMIT TO THE LONG HAUL
Once Marcy accepted that she wouldn’t see immediate results, she had to decide whether to commit to making changes in therapy. She was tired enough of other things not working that she agreed to try therapy, and she knew that a partial commitment wasn’t going to help. By the end of treatment, she also recognized that self-improvement—like other changes in life—doesn’t happen immediately and she’d need to continue to devote time and energy to personal growth over the course of her life.

CREATE REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS

You won’t pay off $100,000 in debt on a $50,000 income in six months. You can’t lose twenty-five pounds in time for swimsuit season if you wait until May to begin exercising. And you probably won’t climb the corporate ladder during your first year at the office. But if you have these types of expectations, you may never reach your goals. Create realistic expectations that will keep you energized over the long haul. Here are some strategies to create realistic expectations about any goal:

•    Don’t underestimate how difficult change is. Accept that doing something different, striving to reach a goal, or giving up a bad habit will be hard.

•    Avoid placing a definite time limit on reaching your goal. It’s helpful to create an estimated time limit on when you should see results, but avoid creating a definitive timeline. For example, some people claim you can establish a good habit or break a bad habit in a certain number of days (the magic numbers seem to be either twenty-one or thirty-eight days depending on which study you read). But if you step back and think about that, clearly that’s not reality. It would only take me about two days to get used to eating ice cream for dessert every day and about six months to get out of the habit of having a cup of coffee with my breakfast. So don’t assign a timeline based on what you think “should be.” Instead, be flexible and understand that a lot of factors will influence when you will see results.

•    Don’t overestimate how much better the results will make your life. Sometimes people think, If I lose twenty pounds, every aspect of my life will be much better. But when they begin losing weight, they don’t see the miraculous results they had imagined. They experience disappointment because they overestimated and exaggerated the outcome.

RECOGNIZE THAT PROGRESS ISN’T ALWAYS OBVIOUS

Several other therapists and I used to facilitate a parenting group. The parents who attended mostly had preschool-age children, and the most common behavior problem they wanted addressed was temper tantrums. Of course, young children are notorious for their abilities to throw themselves down on the ground, scream, and kick when they’re not getting what they want. So as part of the program, parents were encouraged to ignore attention-seeking behaviors. Despite warnings that behaviors would sometimes get worse before they got better, parents frequently became convinced that ignoring just didn’t work. When asked how they knew it wasn’t working, they’d say things like, “He just started screaming louder” or “She got up and ran over to me and threw herself back on the ground to continue her tantrum right in front of me!”

What these parents hadn’t yet realized was that their attempts at ignoring were working. The kids were getting the message that their parents weren’t going to give in to them anymore, and these savvy little four-year-olds were upping their game. They figured if Mom or Dad wasn’t giving in when they screamed a little, they’d better scream louder to get what they wanted. And each time parents gave in, it reinforced the kids’ temper tantrums. But if parents could ignore attention-seeking behaviors consistently, their kids would learn that temper tantrums weren’t an effective way to get what they wanted. Parents often needed reassurance that just because their child’s behavior seemed to be getting worse, it didn’t mean their parenting strategies weren’t effective.

Progress toward your goal might not always be in a straight line. Sometimes things have to get worse before they can get better. And other times, you might feel like you take two steps forward and one step back. If you can remember to look at your long-term goals, however, it will help you put setbacks into perspective. Before you set out to reach your goal—whether you want to start a new business or you want to learn meditation—consider how you’ll measure progress by asking yourself the following questions:

•    How will I know if what I’m doing is working?

•    What is a realistic time frame to see initial results?

•    What kind of results can I realistically expect to see within one week, one month, six months, and one year?

•    How will I know that I’m staying on track toward my goal?

PRACTICE DELAYING GRATIFICATION

Delayed gratification is something that some people seem to be better at than others. But the truth is, everyone can fall prey to the lure of instant gratification. Immediate gratification is at the heart of many problems, including some major physical and mental health issues, financial problems, and addictions. While one person might not be able to resist a cookie that isn’t on his diet, someone else might not be able to put down the alcohol that causes so many problems in her life. Even people who are good at delaying gratification in some areas of their lives are likely to have weaknesses in others.

Take, for example, the case of Daniel “Rudy” Ruettiger, whose inspirational story was turned into a movie in the early 1990s. His was the ultimate story of an underdog who persevered through hard work and dedication. As the third child of fourteen children, Rudy had dreamed of someday going to Notre Dame. But he struggled with dyslexia and had a difficult time academically. He applied to Notre Dame but was rejected three times. So he enrolled in nearby Holy Cross College. After two years of hard work, he was finally accepted to Notre Dame in 1974.

Not only did he aspire to be a successful student, but he also dreamed of playing on the football team. But at only five foot six and 165 pounds, he didn’t look like a contender. Notre Dame, however, allowed members of the student body to become walk-on candidates. So Rudy earned a spot on the practice team whose purpose was to help the varsity team prepare for upcoming games. Rudy practiced hard and poured his heart into each football practice. His dedication and hard work earned the respect of his coaches and teammates. During the last game of his senior year, he was allowed to play defense in the final few minutes of the game. Just like he always had done in practice, Rudy put everything he had into the game and he successfully tackled the quarterback. Rudy’s teammates were so proud of him that they carried him off the field in celebration amidst cries of “Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!”

Clearly, Rudy seemed like a person who could successfully delay gratification. He spent years working hard to achieve his goals and he certainly didn’t expect immediate results—he only saw a few minutes of actual playing time in a single football game.

But just because he could work hard and persevere in some areas of his life didn’t mean Rudy was immune to the lure of instant gratification. In 2011, he was charged with securities fraud after the Securities and Exchange Commission revealed he participated in a “pump-and-dump” scheme. Rudy had created a company that manufactured a sports drink called “Rudy.” However, the SEC discovered Rudy and the other owners of the company had made false claims about the success of their business in an attempt to raise stock prices so they could sell their shares at inflated prices. Although he never admitted guilt, he did settle. Ultimately he was forced to pay over $300,000 in fines.

The man who was once hailed as a hero for his hard work and perseverance fell prey to a get-rich-quick scheme just a few decades later. Rudy’s story shows how strong our desire to stay the course can be at certain times in our lives and how quickly we may be willing to throw in the towel at other times or areas of our lives. Forgoing instant gratification requires constant vigilance. Here are some strategies to help you delay gratification and prevent you from expecting immediate results:

•    Keep your eyes on the prize. Keep your end goal in mind to stay motivated on the days when you feel like giving up. Remind yourself of your goal in creative ways. Write down what you want to accomplish on a note and hang it on the wall or make it your computer screensaver. Visualize yourself meeting your goal each day and it will help you stay motivated.

•    Celebrate milestones along your journey. You don’t have to wait until you reach your goal before you celebrate your accomplishments. Instead, create short-term objectives and celebrate when you reach each milestone. Even something as small as going out to dinner with family can help you acknowledge your progress along the way.

•    Create a plan to resist temptation. There are always opportunities to give in to immediate gratification. If you’re trying to lose weight, there will be sweet treats to throw you off your diet. And if you’re trying to stick to a budget, nice toys and luxuries will always be there to tempt you. Create a plan ahead of time that will help you steer clear of temptations that may throw you off course and prevent you from becoming successful.

•    Deal with feelings of frustration and impatience in a healthy manner. Some days you will feel like giving up, questioning whether you should continue. Just because you feel angry, disappointed, and frustrated doesn’t mean you should quit. Instead, find healthy ways to cope with those feelings and expect that they will be part of the process.

•    Pace yourself. No matter what you’re doing, you’ll be at risk for burnout if you expect immediate results. Pace yourself so you can be methodical in your attempts to move toward reaching your goals. Learning the value of a slow and steady pace can help you gain patience and ensure that you’re on the right track rather than rushing as fast as you can to get what you want.

DELAYING GRATIFICATION MAKES US STRONGER
James Dyson’s journey began in 1979. When he became frustrated that his vacuum cleaner lost suction, he set out to build a better vacuum cleaner that used centrifugal force, instead of a bag, to separate the air from the dirt. He spent five years building prototype after prototype—over five thousand in all—until he was satisfied with the product.

Once he had created a vacuum cleaner he believed in, his journey was still far from over. He spent several years trying to find a manufacturer who was interested in licensing his product. When it became clear that the current vacuum manufacturers just weren’t interested in his vacuum cleaners, Dyson decided to open his own manufacturing plant. His first vacuum cleaner went on sale in 1993—fourteen years after he began working to create his first concept. His hard work certainly paid off, however, when the Dyson vacuum became the biggest-selling vacuum cleaner in Britain. By 2002, one in four British households owned a Dyson vacuum cleaner.

If James Dyson had expected to build a successful business overnight, he likely would have given up long ago. But his patience and perseverance paid off. Over three decades later, he sells vacuum cleaners in twenty-four countries and he’s built a company that sells more than $10 billion in products each year.

Reaching your full potential requires you to demonstrate willpower to resist short-term temptation. The ability to delay getting what you want now so you can get more later is instrumental to success. Here’s what the research says about the benefits of delayed gratification:

•    Self-discipline is more important than IQ when it comes to predicting academic success.

•    College students’ self-control scores correlate with higher self-esteem, higher grade point averages, less binge eating and alcohol abuse, and better interpersonal skills.

•    The ability to delay gratification is associated with lower rates of depression and anxiety.

•    Children with high self-control have fewer mental and physical health problems, fewer substance-abuse problems, fewer criminal convictions, and greater financial security as adults.

Whether your goal is to save enough money to go on vacation next year or you’re devoted to raising children who will become responsible adults, establish realistic expectations for yourself and don’t expect to see results tomorrow. Instead, be willing to commit to the long haul and you’ll increase the chances that you’ll be able to reach your goals.

TROUBLESHOOTING AND COMMON TRAPS
It’s likely that you have some areas of your life where it’s easy to create realistic expectations. Perhaps you’re willing to go back to college with the understanding it will take years before you’re able to graduate and earn more money. Or maybe you’re willing to invest money into your retirement account with the understanding that you’ll allow it to grow for thirty years. But there are also likely to be areas of your life where you want things to happen immediately. Maybe you don’t want to wait for your marriage to get better or you don’t want to give up the foods you love, despite warnings from the doctor. Look for those areas in your life where you can improve and focus on finding strategies to help you develop the skills you need to make slow but steady progress.