Can you proof read the following letter and tell me the suggested changes you would recommend. '
Dear <PRESIDIO_ANONYMIZED_PERSON>,

I am writing to express my continued interest in the Mechanical Engineering and Sigbots Robotic program at Purdue University. As a current high school student, I have always been passionate about mathematics, particularly in the context of mechanical engineering. I believe that Purdue University provides the perfect opportunity for me to further develop my skills and gain a competitive edge in my future academic pursuits.

My firsthand experience with the value of mathematics came from my involvement in the VRC VEX Robotics STEM program, to which I devoted myself wholeheartedly. Through this program, I aimed to prove to myself and others that I could be among the best in Indiana – a goal that quickly evolved into becoming one of the best in the world. I am proud to say that I achieved a 7th place finish at the VRC VEX Robotics World Championship, where my fully autonomous robot program demonstrated a “perfect” run. This accomplishment reinforced the importance of mathematics in my life and my desire to pursue understanding it and engineering.

The Sigbots Robotic program caught my eye as an opportunity to learn alongside like-minded individuals who share my passion for taking on challenging tasks. I personally know people on the Sigbot team, including one individual who was a teammate when I first became involved in robotics. Continuing to work alongside these people on robotics would increase my engineering ability and skills.
Nearly a dozen different Purdue University graduates, who are parents of children in the VEX Robotics program, have encouraged me, stating that I possess the mindset and characteristics of a “Purdue University graduate.” In my relatively short time, I have accomplished a great deal, such as achieving 7th in the world in VEX Robotics, becoming a concert-level harpist with over 11 years of experience (tested by the ABRSM, receiving distinction), securing two internships while attending 13 credit hours of dual college classes at Marian University. In cross country, I earned Rookie of the Year, and in track and field I have been able to consistently score for the team. I am also taking Taekwondo classes, in which I have advanced through ten rankings within six months. I hope these achievements convey how much I enjoy learning and the dedication I put into everything I do.

Under my counselor’s direction, I have mentored five different VRC VEX Robotic teams. Through this experience, my counselor has helped me develop my time management and leadership skills. I am very proud to say that all five teams I guided made it to the world championship.

My involvement in the Trail Life program for 7 years has taught me a lot about serving others. With well over 500 hours of community service and having achieved almost all the levels the troops offered, I am eager to continue learning and taking on challenges, especially in hands-on mechanical engineering. I believe Purdue University, being one of the top engineering schools in the country, can help me achieve my goals in mechanical engineering.

In addition to my accomplishments, I have secured two internships and a $20,000 Purdue University scholarship. I am eager to hear back from Purdue University regarding my application and appreciate your consideration of my request. If you would like a letter from my adviser, he would be happy to send you one.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I am excited about the prospect of joining the Purdue community and contributing to the Sigbots Robotic program.

Sincerely,
Martin Williamson
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