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# tactiq.io free youtube transcript
# 10 Ways Women EMOTIONALLY ABUSE Their Husbands
# https://www.youtube.com/watch/Wo-833UYfA4

00:00:00.040 so now let's get into what are the signs
00:00:02.040 of emotional abuse and again it says
00:00:04.640 emotional abuse centers around control
00:00:06.799 manipulation and demeaning or
00:00:08.639 threatening
00:00:10.000 behavior and it can be subtle or it can
00:00:13.440 be overt and aggressive first one is
00:00:16.000 monitoring and controlling a person's
00:00:18.119 Behavior so ladies think of and again I
00:00:20.720 won't give examples for everyone but
00:00:22.720 checking your husband's phone constantly
00:00:25.160 reading his emails checking his internet
00:00:27.560 history telling him who he should and
00:00:29.720 should hang out with telling him how he
00:00:32.320 should parent in all the Myriad of ways
00:00:35.320 that we are
00:00:36.280 controlling threatening a person number
00:00:38.399 two threatening a person's safety
00:00:40.079 property or loved ones when you threaten
00:00:42.800 divorce and you threaten taking the kids
00:00:45.800 away or you threaten going to your
00:00:48.160 husband's mother that's emotionally
00:00:50.600 abusive uh being demeaning shaming or
00:00:53.480 humiliating I've had many clients um
00:00:57.160 share with me things like I'm so
00:00:59.960 embarrassed of how I treat my husband I
00:01:02.120 actually had a client tell me yeah at my
00:01:04.080 worst I'll tell my husband he's being
00:01:06.200 like a chick on his period making fun of
00:01:08.880 your husband to your girlfriends and in
00:01:10.880 your Social Circles or making fun of him
00:01:13.880 in front of his family or your family
00:01:16.159 and we do that with little comments
00:01:17.600 where we think we're being funny and
00:01:19.119 cute but it's incredibly
00:01:22.159 hurtful um having jealousy and accusing
00:01:25.159 your husband of
00:01:27.479 wrongdoings that have no basis in real
00:01:31.560 uh delivering constant
00:01:33.720 criticism and being ridiculing and
00:01:36.320 teasing him and we do know that that we
00:01:38.560 do that or are you g to wear that shirt
00:01:41.439 oh I really wish you wouldn't do that
00:01:43.000 anymore or are you gonna watch football
00:01:44.920 again haven't you grown out of that and
00:01:47.759 we constantly criticize them for who
00:01:49.600 they are and the things that they enjoy
00:01:51.119 or the things that make them who they
00:01:53.439 are um making acceptance or care
00:01:56.960 conditional on how a person on on a
00:02:00.039 person's choices so this is often how we
00:02:02.439 withhold sex as women that if you're not
00:02:05.159 going to do this if you're going to
00:02:06.840 continue to be this way then we withhold
00:02:10.038 sex or they do something to upset us
00:02:13.400 then we withhold sex um refusing to
00:02:17.040 allow a person to spend time alone oh my
00:02:19.760 gosh how many of us can admit to you
00:02:22.000 know our husband goes to play golf or
00:02:23.800 they go out with a friend or they just
00:02:26.080 go out and do something and we're
00:02:27.840 constantly blowing up their phone
00:02:30.200 constantly texting them or we throw
00:02:34.200 temper tantrums when they want to go do
00:02:36.080 something on themsel by themselves so we
00:02:38.239 strong AR arm them into not doing that
00:02:40.720 thwarting a person's professional or
00:02:42.680 personal
00:02:43.640 goals and I will complain if our
00:02:46.440 husband's working too much because he's
00:02:48.239 trying to get a promotion or he's trying
00:02:49.760 to build his business and we find ways
00:02:52.400 to make them fail and thwart them from
00:02:54.840 their goals or tell them why they
00:02:56.239 shouldn't have those goals and then the
00:02:58.640 last or no two more uh instilling
00:03:01.400 self-doubt and
00:03:03.200 worthlessness how much we make our
00:03:05.080 husbands question themselves and then
00:03:07.720 gaslighting making a person question
00:03:09.920 their competence and even their basic
00:03:12.239 perceptual
00:03:14.040 experiences so wonderful example of
00:03:16.599 gaslighting and how as women we Gaslight
00:03:18.720 our husbands is they'll say I think I
00:03:21.799 shared this at the at the beginning
00:03:23.400 they'll say like hey I feel like I'm
00:03:27.640 never right you're always right I feel
00:03:30.080 like you never listen to me um I feel
00:03:33.439 like you're just you're never available
00:03:35.519 and you're really busy they'll tell us
00:03:38.439 the things that are bothering them in
00:03:39.799 the relationship and our knee-jerk
00:03:42.560 response is to tell them that's not how
00:03:45.519 it is let me tell you how your feeling
00:03:47.400 is wrong that's crazy that's not who I
00:03:49.840 am ladies that's gaslighting when you
00:03:52.920 dismiss your husband's feelings and his
00:03:54.840 experiences in the relationship and make
00:03:57.079 him feel like he's crazy for feeling
00:03:58.840 that way that's gaslighting and it's
00:04:01.519 emotional abuse so those are the signs
00:04:04.079 of emotional abuse and what I want us to
00:04:06.000 do as women is to connect the dots that
00:04:08.959 that's who we are in our marriages and
00:04:11.720 again on a spectrum and instead of
00:04:14.000 fighting no no no that's not me that's
00:04:15.879 my husband's crazy ex-wife or that's my
00:04:18.079 husband's Crazy Ex-Girlfriend that's a
00:04:20.358 deflection from yourself to not have to
00:04:22.199 look at yourself what I want you to do
00:04:24.600 and what I and what I teach my students
00:04:26.560 and my clients to do is no don't fight
00:04:29.120 me to see these things in yourself look
00:04:32.039 for how they're true and how you can
00:04:34.840 know they're true right off the bat is
00:04:36.520 when you get defensive and triggered
00:04:38.080 when I'm talking about these things and
00:04:40.320 you get really really angry we get
00:04:42.479 defensive we get angry because we're
00:04:45.199 being shown the truth about ourselves
00:04:47.360 and it's our defense mechanism to
00:04:49.080 deflect to not have to look at ourselves
00:04:51.320 to not have to take
00:04:53.080 accountability that's a tool I actually
00:04:55.560 use in my marriage that when I feel
00:04:57.919 defensive toward my husband cuz he's
00:05:00.520 pointing something out that is a
00:05:02.880 negative behavior in our relationship
00:05:04.680 that he'd like me to change if I get
00:05:07.880 defensive that's my number one sign that
00:05:10.199 he's right so I've trained myself that
00:05:13.639 when that happens and I get defensive I
00:05:15.639 don't want to know that about myself
00:05:17.120 that's my cue to say Karen this is true
00:05:21.880 for the women watching if you feel
00:05:24.360 triggered and pissed at me for what I'm
00:05:27.479 saying and and saying you're emotionally
00:05:29.680 abusive as wives that is your number one
00:05:33.319 sign that this is true about you because
00:05:36.120 you wouldn't get defensive you wouldn't
00:05:37.919 get pissed you wouldn't get
00:05:39.800 triggered if these things weren't true
00:05:43.160 you'd be like oh that's interesting I
00:05:44.720 want you'd be curious about yourself and
00:05:47.759 and curious like oh maybe I should look
00:05:49.919 at this or huh that's interesting I
00:05:53.000 don't feel that I do that but you
00:05:54.360 wouldn't get pissed and triggered that's
00:05:56.319 one of the best ways to know that there
00:05:58.000 is truth in the things that I share and
00:06:01.080 I have had plenty of women come to me
00:06:03.280 after watching some of my videos or
00:06:05.479 reading something from me or hearing me
00:06:07.520 speak somewhere and they say oh I was so
00:06:10.319 mad at you I was so mad but I knew that
00:06:13.720 that meant there was truth in what you
00:06:14.960 were saying so you want to lean into
00:06:17.280 that you want to lean in it's not meant
00:06:19.680 to make you bad and wrong that you're
00:06:21.960 emotionally abusive in your marriages
00:06:24.759 what we have to recognize is we're
00:06:26.080 emotionally abusive in our marriages as
00:06:28.960 women
00:06:30.560 because we're emotionally abusive to
00:06:34.360 ourselves I think how am I emotionally
00:06:37.120 abusive to myself think about how much
00:06:40.400 time we spend criticizing ourselves and
00:06:42.720 picking ourselves part whether it's our
00:06:45.039 physical looks whether it's our intelle
00:06:49.360 intelligence whether it's being
00:06:51.520 perfectionists and feeling like we never
00:06:53.240 can do anything right how hard we are
00:06:56.120 are on ourselves and how critical we are
00:06:58.120 of ourselves
00:07:00.000 how we are constantly doubting ourselves
00:07:02.599 and feel
00:07:03.599 worthless how we won't we withhold from
00:07:06.440 ourselves and don't give ourselves the
00:07:08.199 things that we need to care for
00:07:10.879 ourselves um we demean and shame
00:07:13.720 ourselves we're awful to ourselves so
00:07:17.479 what we have to understand is how we
00:07:18.960 show up in our marriages with our
00:07:20.599 husbands is a
00:07:21.919 reflection of the relationship that we
00:07:24.240 have with ourselves and when we have an
00:07:26.879 unhealthy relationship with ourselves
00:07:29.720 then we project that and take that out
00:07:32.639 on our husbands is just how we're wired
00:07:35.360 but when we can know that and we can
00:07:38.680 build a healthy relationship with
00:07:40.520 ourselves that's the solution that's the
00:07:43.160 magic for your marriage that there's
00:07:46.240 nothing about your husband that needs to
00:07:47.800 change there's nothing about your
00:07:49.639 marriage that needs to change it's you
00:07:52.639 that needs to change in your
00:07:53.919 relationship with yourself