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Assistant: Title: For A Rainy Day
        Author: Ioudloudlove Ioudloudlove 
        Chapter: 25/25 
        Summary: THIS WORK COVERS TOPICS THAT MAY BE TRIGGERING TO SOME READERS FROM THE OUTSET. PLEASE CHECK THE TAGS & WARNINGS. THANK YOULouis is struggling; isolated and lonely after a violent relationship ended in kidnap and a near death experience, he is trying to rebuild his life in a new city, staying anonymous amongst the many faces. Every morning he visits the bakery opposite his flat to add a bit of routine to his upside-down world.The owner of the bakery, Harry, notices the man with the beautiful, sad eyes. He sees his lights on in the early hours, watches his shadow pace back and forth. One day, he decides to perform a random act of kindness; a gift pinned to the door with a note: For a rainy day.As Harry begins to fall for the man, he continues to leave him surprises at his front door. But one day, Louis catches him in the act, and he is forced to come clean. They start a friendship, Louis sharing his experiences that led him to where he is now. How will Harry cope when Louis admits he’s ready to check out of life? And can he convince him that life really can be wonderful again?ORA secret admirer AU where Harry tries to be the hero Louis desperately needs.
        Contents: Chapter 25: This Year, To Save Me From Tears, I'll Give It Someone Special (EPILOGUE)
    

    


      
        
          Well... here it is... the end of an era!When I tell you I have sobbed writing this. This fic has been my baby for almost five months and I can't believe it's over. I just want to thank every single person who has supported me through writing this. I never would have had the confidence if it wasn't for all my lovely friends and for all of you who read along when this was a WIP and left such beautiful comments and messages here and on Twitter. I really hope this last chapter is what you all hoped for. It's total fluff (and a tiny bit of smut for science) and now I'm jealous of characters I created myself haha!Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!x
            
            (See the end of the chapter for  more notes.)
            
      
  

  
  
    
    In the blink of an eye, Christmas was upon them. The nights were darker, the morning air more biting. Louis had decorated the flat bigger and better than ever before, even though they wouldn’t even be there for the big day. Every room twinkled, a combination of fairy lights and glitter, that somehow stayed on the right side of tacky. He had bought dozens of Christmas scented candles and wax melts, the flat constantly smelling like cookies or mulled spice. At every opportunity, their home hub was purring with Christmas crooners, Louis’ voice rising above them all as he strung yet another set of lights on to anything he could. Harry had always been more of an understated kind of guy, but he had to admit, Louis had a certain touch that just made magic. When he walked through the door every evening, he felt the tension disappear from his shoulders and his tongue drop down from the roof of his mouth. Louis was always there, writing in his journal, addressing Christmas cards, wrapping presents. Always with a smile on his face and excitement at his fingertips. It was contagious. His life had become a Hallmark movie and his Christmas cheer had never been so high.They had spent long afternoons in London, gathering Christmas presents for their families and finding it impossible to stick to the list they’d made excitedly on their way home from Paris. It went unsaid, but this year was the most special one either of them had ever had. Louis had expected to be spoiling his siblings without an opportunity to stick around and watch them enjoy it. But instead, he had picked presents with the express knowledge that he would be watching from the side-lines as they became a treasured possession for a few months before being forgotten about in a dusty cupboard or corner.“Louis, I think we have enough,” Harry had laughed, struggling through the aisles of Sephora under the weight of the basket and the shopping they had already paid for.“I have too many sister’s H, and God forbid Lottie and Fizzie get Sephora and the twins only get Mac. I would be torn limb from limb.” He hadn’t stopped throwing items into the basket after a quick glance, the shop assistant that trailed behind them positively glowing at the thought of her Christmas commission. “Besides, what's the point in all this money sitting in my bank account doing nothing when I have so many people who deserve to be treated?”“You’re right baby,” Harry had replied lovingly, knowing that anything else he said would be like water off a duck’s back anyway. He’d said nothing more, only offering opinions on shades and fragrances when he was asked. He stuck close to Louis, lips glancing off his temple or his neck; even his shoulder. Anywhere he could reach, he made contact in some way.“Do you want me to pick some things for Gemma too?” Louis turned to Harry, his hands crammed full of pallets and tubes, his eyes sparkling with excitement.“Sure, maybe just a couple of bits for her stocking.” Harry had insisted on buying all the Tomlinson’s stockings to match the ones he, Gemma and Anne had in Holmes Chapel. They were combining traditions this year, making room for another families favourite Christmas moments and creating new ones together. “I’ve got a few other ideas for her main presents.”They had stopped halfway through their day, sharing a late lunch from the stalls of Leicester Square Christmas market. The darkness was drawing in around them, lowering the temperature and making the pavements glitter with a thin layer of frost. People bustled around the stalls; their faces thrown into theatrical shadows under the warm lights that draped from the trees and shop fronts. Snuggled together around an icy cold metal table, Harry and Louis had shared mulled wine from decorative glass mugs, oversized pretzels drizzled with chocolate cooling on the table in front of them and their shopping nipped tightly between their feet. It felt so right; gloved fingers interlinked and resting on Harry’s thigh, no expectations or need to rush off and the muted sounds of a live brass band playing “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas” somewhere in the near distance.“I thought people who claimed to be this happy were liars,” Louis laughed, dropping his head onto Harry’s shoulder and kissing the rough wool of his coat. “I get it now.”

“It’s surreal, right? It feels as natural as breathing, being with you. I almost can’t remember what life was like before you were in it.”“I imagine it was very dull and unfulfilling. I brought you the drama.”They laughed together, seeing their entire future reflected in each other’s eyes. ♥ A week before they were due to leave, Harry agreed to let Margie and her friends at the WI take over Canyon Moon for their Warmer Winter scheme. They’d be opening it up as a community café from Christmas Eve to New Year’s Day, providing free hot meals and drinks for anyone who needed help or a friend. They were going to have volunteers there that could help with benefits and low budgets, free warm clothing and bedding that had been donated and batch-cooked homemade meals that could be bought and taken home for cost price. These women were angels and Harry couldn’t wait to get involved. He had sprung into action the second it had been decided, making Louis promise he would sort thought his cupboards and drawers to find things to donate. They’d spent hours at the wholesalers, filling cardboard boxes with food and ingredients for the café.“What are you slipping into the trolley now?” Louis has asked, his eyes alight with amusement. Harry was lifting box after box into the second trolley, the first already full.“Selection boxes. There’s going to be kids right? And for some of them, maybe Santa just isn’t going to get to them this year. They can’t have nothing to open.”“And erm, who’s going to be wrapping all of these?” Louis tilted his head, delighting in the sheepish expression on his boyfriend’s face.“I thought you might want to help me,” Harry started, becoming more animated when Louis snorted out loud. “No but listen. I can make it worth your while!” He leaned forward and bit on Louis’ earlobe, his voice pouring filthy scenarios into his ear.“You have a deal!” Louis exclaimed, turning into the shelves and adjusting the crotch of his jeans. “You gave me a fucking boner in the middle of the shop you randy fucker.”“Me? I’m not the one with a hard dick in the chocolate aisle on a Sunday afternoon,” he teased, walking away and leaving Louis laughing hysterically to himself.Margie had been blown away, her eyes filling with tears when Harry and Louis started to carry in the supplies from the car. “My lovely boys, this is just too much.” She had stood to one side of Canyon Moon, keeping out of the way as they carried in box after box and left them on a table to be sorted through.“Nonsense Gi,” Louis replied, huffing under the weight of a box of canned vegetables. “This was the very least we could do.” He slammed the box down, taking a minute to catch his breath. With every passing day, his joints ached more, the cold weather settling deep in his bones.“Letting me use this place would have been enough,” she fired back, moving over to look at what she had to work with. “I was really struggling to find a place with everything we needed AND a clean kitchen.”“That’s all on the boss. I’m quietly confident that he’s actually a pretty nice guy.”“Well, it won’t matter whose name is on the lease once you’re married.” It was so matter of fact, not said to shock or amuse. Margie didn’t even look up from what she was doing. “Oh, look at all these selection boxes for the kiddies!”“Once we’re... what was that Margie?” Shock chilled Louis’ insides. He had daydreamed about being married to Harry, had pictured their brood of blue-eyed, curly-haired children. Hell, he’d even pictured them hand in hand walking round a retirement village. But hearing someone else say it, an outsider with a limited knowledge of their relationship, was a genuine shock.“Married. I’m sorry love, are you not thinking about that yet?” She seemed genuinely concerned that she’d offended Louis, her brows knitting together and her hand halting over the box of groceries.“Always. I just didn’t think it was that obvious.”“Louis my darling, if anyone truly appreciates the value of life, it’s you.” She crossed the room to him, the papery skin of her hand coming to rest on his shoulder. “If you love your life, truly love it... don’t waste time. ‘Cos in the end, that’s all life is made of; our time.” She gave his shoulder one final squeeze and moved away, leaving Louis with his thoughts.The idea of wasting more of his time, their time, took root and unfurled it’s tendrils. They creeped through everything, sprouting like weeds at an unbeatable pace. Harry came back into the café, two boxes stacked one on top of the other in his arms like it was nothing. Louis watched him carefully, enjoying seeing him unaware he was being observed, so natural and beautiful. He was singing along to the radio, dropping the boxes down and surging forward to twirl Margie around the café to ‘Walking In A Winter Wonderland’, his voice exaggeratedly deep and booming. Louis imagined introducing him as his husband, felt the pride in the pit of his stomach where it danced among the permanent butterflies his boyfriend gave him. ♥ They arrived in Holmes Chapel early on the 23rd of December, setting off from London before the sun had even peeked over the horizon. Louis had been a bundle of excited energy for the last three days, packing and repacking everything for their trip and making sure every present was perfectly wrapped. Harry had loved watching him in his element, the Christmas planner that he had called a ‘must’ permanently tucked under his arm, the calendar marked with stickers and post-its with a perfectly organised schedule and to-do list. Once upon a time, Harry would have thought that so much planning would steal the spontaneity of the season, but he had realised that being able to fit in so much fun with Louis, without the stress of racing around last minute to make plans, had worked perfectly to their advantage.They had managed to do all the things Harry had wanted since he moved to London, and everything that Louis had been missing the last few years. They had done their Christmas shopping in person, bringing home endless bags and sitting on the floor to wrap everything together, Christmas music in the background and Bailey’s on ice fuelling them on. They had baked Christmas treats for Canyon Moon together, the flat full of warmth and the smell of cinnamon. They’d daubed each other with flour, drawn patterns on each other with icing and drank hot chocolate until they thought they would burst. They had been to Christmas markets and Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park, huddled together on the Ferris wheel and kissing all the way down in the blistering cold as the first flakes of snow landed in their hair and eyelashes. They had been ice skating, listened to the Salvation Army band in the cold streets, sat in humidly warm pubs with their friends drunkenly singing “I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day” on karaoke and sporting wilted paper hats. They’d done Santa Exchange with the rest of the group; a £5 budget burning holes in their pockets as they stormed round the Pound Shop to find the cheapest, nastiest gifts for each other. And then back to Louis’ flat to drink wine and eat Chinese while they swapped gifts. They’d built snowmen and pelted each other with snowballs, taken too many photos of Clifford chasing snowflakes in his Christmas jumper and curled up on the sofa together in matching pyjamas and fluffy socks; it was the ultimate comfort, surrounded by candles and buried under blankets to watch Christmas movies and try and convince each other that they definitely weren’t crying. If Harry had seen it in a film, he would have snorted derisively and called it unrealistic. But here was his boy, making the impossible possible and reigniting his passion for Christmas.He pulled his car onto the wide driveway, the crunching of gravel under his tires reminding him how it felt to be home. Excitement swirled in stomach like a snowglobe, his eagerness to get out of the car making his parking sloppy. He knew his mum would tell him off for pulling up like a twat later, but right now, all he wanted was to get his arms around her.The house towered above them, the classic cottage style modernised with fresh white cladding and a large extension with sprawling windows. Behind the house the fields seemed to stretch forever, the snow-covered hills rising like sugar dusted donuts for miles. Clifford started to bark, recognising the location of his little holiday the previous month; he had been spoiled rotten, one of the many pairs of hands ready to pat him at every turn. Harry finally stepped out of the car and took in a deep breath; the cold burned his lungs and made his eyes water. Every time he got out of London, he was shocked by how much cleaner everything felt, that there wasn’t a layer of greasy grime on everything from the congested traffic that lined every street. He missed this and he was happy to be home.The sound of the front door opening caught his attention, and he whipped his head around; Anne stood in the doorway, still in her dressing gown and hair pulled into a messy ponytail. Her arms opened and Harry couldn’t contain himself; he ran towards his mum, almost barrelling into Louis as he stepped out of the car and stretched his chest wide with a yawn.“Hello, my darling,” Anne said, wrapping her arms around her youngest child and threading her fingers into his curls. She pressed a kiss to the top of his head, pausing to take in his familiar smell.“I’ve missed you mum,” Harry replied, the lump in his throat distorting his voice.“I’m right here now, baby. Hi Louis!” Anne peeled one of her arms from Harry and beckoned Louis into the hug. “How was your drive?”“He wouldn’t know, he slept most of the way,” Harry joked, curling one of his own arms around Louis, just below his mum’s.“Well excuse me, Mr Perfect. It was you who decided we needed to be here for breakfast time. 4.30am we set off Anne, FOUR THIRTY! The fact that he laid in bed all night randomly kicking his legs and giggling because he was “so excited” didn’t help my beauty rest either.” He pressed a kiss to Anne’s cheek and detached himself from the hug to release Clifford from the car boot. The dog didn’t hesitate, shooting around the side of the house to run laps of the huge garden.“You’re welcome!” Louis shouted after him good-naturedly, laughing at the snow that sprayed up behind him.“You’re just in time, there’s bacon and sausage buns waiting for you both.” Anne herded them both through the front door, her smile so wide that her cheeks ached. Her boys were home for Christmas. ♥ There wasn’t too much peace to be found when, after a round of raucous barking at the guesthouse doors from Clifford, seven excited Tomlinson's stormed Anne’s kitchen and insisted on covering Harry and Louis in kisses and cuddles. It was a reunion you might expect for someone who had been away for months rather than a few weeks, but the immaculately positive vibes that they were ending their year on were intoxicating, love spilling from every pore.It was a break in tradition for Harry and Anne, used to quiet Christmas’ filled with board games and the Queen’s speech, but it was one they both loved and couldn’t wait to throw themselves into. Harry watched fondly as Louis tried to finish his breakfast, Doris on one knee and Ernie on the other, and laughed when he turned his head to speak to Fizzy and two little mouths started taking bites from his sandwich.“You need a hand mum?” Harry looked over to Anne; she was standing in front of the Aga, all the burners blazing as she knocked up sandwiches at a rate of knots. Jay was next to her, buttering buns and squirting sauce on each one to order of whichever hungry hands reached her first. They were both beaming from ear to ear, sweat lightly sheening their brows from the heat of the cooker and all the buzzing bodies that filed around.“No baby, you stay put. You’ve had a long drive. Me and Jay can handle it.” She smiled over her shoulder, turning back to flick bacon onto a plate to drain the grease.The noise reached a crescendo, the murmur of multiple conversations overlapping until it was just white noise. The back door creaked and a voice could be heard cursing from outside before the heavy thud of a boot sounded at the very bottom where the barn-style door swelled in the winter.“There better be some brekkie for me!” Gemma stood in the doorway, her arms full of carefully wrapped presents and snow dusting her bobble hat.“Gem!” Harry shot up from the table, running over to his sister and wrapping his arms around her from behind.“Let me put these presents down nerd and I’ll give you a proper hug.” She wriggled away from him, dropping the gifts onto a spare piece of worktop. “Right, now come here!”They wrapped around each other, two younger, slightly diluted versions of their mother. Their sibling rivalry that brewed from growing up with a single parent had mellowed in adulthood, the distance creating a deeper need to make the most of each other whenever they got the chance.“I’ve missed you so much,” Harry murmured, his voice muffled in the folds of Gemma’s coat.“Yes, well someone has been keeping you so busy that you haven’t had time for your old sister.” Gemma smiled at Louis over Harry’s shoulder, beckoning him over with one hand that she quickly put back around her brother’s neck. “Come here Louis, I appear to have a limpet restricting my movement.”Louis got up, gently putting Doris and Ernie down on their feet, and walked towards the duo, the nerves fluttering in his stomach. This was his first time meeting Gemma and he was desperate to get it right. Her approval was important to Harry; anyone who didn’t get on with his sister would have a massive black mark against their name. It didn’t matter how many times Harry had reassured him that he would be a hit with his sassy, sarcastic older sister, Louis was terrified that this would be their first and last Christmas together if it didn’t go well.“Sorry I kept him away for so long,” Louis said, laughing under his breath at Gemma as she peeled Harry off her front.“Don’t be! To be quite honest, I’m just pleased someone else has had to put up with his tragic love songs and constant whinging.” She smiled wide, dragging Louis into a hug and holding him tightly, like she’d known him all her life. “Thank you for making my little brother so sickeningly happy,” she whispered in his ear, and Louis felt his insides flood with warmth. He had been accepted. ♥ Louis was woken the next morning to Harry kissing his way down his body, pausing every couple of seconds to suck a love bite into his warm skin. Eyes still half-closed, he moaned and felt around under the thick duvet for his boyfriend, the rising desire urging him to get his hands on him. He was euphoric, his dreams from the night before still playing in his mind and leaving him in a state of pleasant confusion.Harry’s tongue snaked out and rolled around his tip, slamming him into wakefulness with a spike of white-hot desire.“You’re teasing me,” he whined, his hips bucking up in search of plump lips and the wet warmth of Harry’s mouth. “And on my birthday, for shame!” His hands searched around again, finally wrapping around the nape of Harry’s neck and tangling in the loose tendrils of his hair.“You’d better stay quiet then, or I’ll stop altogether. We don’t need my mum hearing your cum noises.” Harry peeked out from under his childhood duvet; it framed his face on both sides and cast shadows over his naked body.“You’d actually need to make me cum for that Harold,” Louis sassed playfully, knowing exactly what effect it would have on Harry.“Right,” he growled, pulling the duvet back over his head forcefully and getting to work on giving Louis the best birthday blowjob he’d ever had.Within seconds Louis was coming undone, driven insane by the sensation of Harry mouthing at his inner thighs, working up to the crease of his leg and breathing hot over his balls. The broad flat of his tongue painted a stripe from his taint to the base of his shaft and he shivered; the entirety of his body breaking into goosebumps. A skilful hand wrapped around his cock, lifting it from where it throbbed against his stomach. Harry had licked his palm, the slightly cooling saliva helping him glide up and down Louis, his mouth still working hard. He sucked one of Louis’ balls into his mouth and swirled his tongue over it before he moved over to the next.“FUCK ME!” Louis couldn’t help but call out, the pleasure almost too much to bear. He forced a hand over his own mouth, his whines muffled as his whole body writhed.Harry’s fingers pressed hard into his hipbones, anchoring him to the bed and sending delicious pain careering through him. Being held down like this, when he was so desperate to grind up and chase his orgasm was a major turn on for Louis. He bucked and flailed like a man possessed, the urgent need to be in Harry’s mouth taking control of his senses. He was seeing stars behind his eyelids, a kaleidoscope of colour bursting like fireworks. His head felt like it was vibrating and when Harry’s tongue slid lower, grazing his arsehole, his whole world shifted. He teased around Louis’ rim, every lick feather light and addictive. Without warning, his tongue pushed inside and Louis went limp, submitting to the delicious jumble of sensations that crashed over him like rogue waves in a storm. His hands knotted in the bed sheets, damp with perspiration beneath his back, and he keened like an injured animal. When Harry slid out of him and closed his mouth around his head, his entire body jolted off the mattress. He could feel the build of his orgasm, insistent and fiery at the very pit of his stomach, when Harry finally released his grip and let him buck up into his throat.It was these moments, when their sweaty bodies were fitted together like puzzle pieces, that Louis felt the most. Not because of the sex, no matter how mind-blowing it may be, but because of the connection. The fusion of their souls when they laid bare and vulnerable like this was unmeasured. Every sense was heightened, and they were completely tuned into each other with no distractions or stresses. It was just them, their reality distorted in the heat of the moment, and nothing could compare. When Louis came, with an intensity he had only ever imagined, it was with whispers of love and adoration for Harry and his heart almost bursting out of his chest. He finally understood what all those love songs were about. ♥ It had been almost expected, Jay never one to miss an opportunity to spoil her children, when Louis had entered the warm kitchen to a rendition of ‘Happy Birthday’ from all his favourite people in the world. Amongst the colourful clash of balloons and homemade banners, Harry had beamed, his arms slung around Louis’ siblings like he’d been there all their lives. The presents were piled high on the table, shoddily wrapped parcels of an indiscernible shape standing proud with perfectly shrouded boxes and bags tied with rainbow ribbons. Since he had reached adulthood, Louis had always asked that his birthday be kept as lowkey as possible; he understood now how much his mum must have struggled to make his birthday special when they were all growing up and money was in short supply. It seemed that this year no one had gotten the message and, while they tucked into pancakes and endless cups of Italian coffee, Louis tore through the paper with childlike excitement.Every present brought gasps of delight; first editions of his favourite books, vinyls from his favourite singers, notebooks and pens that glided over the expensive paper. When he got to Harry’s, recognisable by its wrapping from the days of the doorstep mystery, Louis felt his nerves kick into gear, wondering what his wonderful human would have pulled out of the bag this time.“It’s erm, it’s nothing massive. I wanted to save the best gifts for tomorrow,” Harry said bashfully, his hands clenching in and out anxiously.“Oh hush, I’m sure I’ll love everything you’ve...” Louis went silent as he pulled his gift out of the bag, ribbons of glittery paper falling into his lap. “Oh Harry...”“Open it up,” he replied softly, moving around the table to sit next to Louis.In his hands Louis held a tan leather journal, “Our Adventure Book” scribed across the front in flowing letters. Around it, Harry had drawn love hearts and stars, outlined in black and stark against the cover. “I took a calligraphy class online.” He beamed proudly and across the table Gemma made a retching sound, looking outraged when Anne nudged her sharply in the back.Louis took a moment, savouring the way the pages felt stiff with glue and the spine stretched around whatever secrets the book held. Gingerly, he opened the first page and choked back a sob as he read the opening note.
   “My dearest, darling Louis, Happy Birthday! There are a million things I want to say to you and a million things that I can’t find the words to convey. When I first left that rock on your doorstep, I thought that just maybe I could brighten your day. Of course, I had noticed your beauty, never dulled by the sad expression you wore so well. And I could feel the goodness in your heart, so powerful that even in your darkest hour it shone. But I never dreamed that you would turn my whole world upside down. You have made me a better man; more conscientious and understanding, more hopeful and free-spirited, more attentive and present. I am the best version of myself, the man I wanted to be, and that is because of you. The me that I am right now is yours, always. I think that even if you had never loved me back, I would have been gone for you, just because of who you are. We have experienced so much love and laughter together already. We have made a home between us that has nothing to do with bricks and mortar but with the way we make each other feel every minute of the day. And no matter where we go, what we do, or what happens, I will never regret loving you for a single second. So let’s make every day a celebration of what we found, what we have and what is still to come. Let's pour ourselves into these pages and cherish the greatest love story ever written; ours. I love you more than yesterday but less than tomorrow. My one and only. Unashamedly and utterly yours, H x”
“Erm Harry... I think you broke your boyfriend,” Gemma said, reaching over the table to hand Louis a tissue.He sat completely still as the tears fell, unable to process the depth of his feelings. Harry’s words had captured them so brilliantly; they screamed of a love that knew no limits, a love that could conquer anything that life could throw at them. It was corny, but he truly had saved Louis and somehow, he had fallen in love with all the broken pieces that went together to make a whole man. Without a word Louis leaned into him, capturing him in a confident kiss.“Oh my God, get a room!” Daisy shrieked and clapped her hands over her eyes. Fizzy snorted and quickly tried to cover it, her shaking shoulders setting Lottie into giggles.Their families fitted perfectly in their story, chaotic in the very best way.“Keep reading baby,” Harry whispered.Louis flicked through the pages of how they met, photographs and mementos glued firmly in place to illustrate their story. There were pictures from their dates, smiling selfies and scenery taking Louis right back to the moment they were took. Their friend’s faces smiled back at him; Niall next to a cow with his thumbs thrust in the air and a cheesy grin, Nick in his makeshift crop top screeching into a microphone, Liam outside of Canyon Moon with Alba raised above his head in the sunshine. Their families were there too, group photos with too many kids to count and both of them crammed on the sofa with their mums smiling broadly over their shoulders. Cinema stubs and train tickets, seashells and dried flowers, annotations and anecdotes; Harry hadn’t missed a thing. About a quarter of the way through, the memories stopped and in more flowing script, Harry had written “The End... or is it?”.“I want us to fill it up. I had so much fun working through your list, and I thought that maybe it didn’t have to end? We could make a new one together, hell, we could make a new one every year! There is no one I’d rather make memories with, Louis.”“You’ve got a deal.” Louis grinned back at Harry, a thousand ideas already swirling inside of his brain. They could travel, do extreme sports, plan activities with their friends. There was no limit to what they could do as long as they had each other. ♥ Louis’ birthday went exactly as he would have wanted it to. After breakfast everyone bundled up warm and ran out into Anne’s garden. It felt as though it stretched for miles, the acres of sprawling fields behind the house reaching beyond the horizon. Everything was dusted in powdery snow, untouched and crisp when it crunched under their boots. Louis wasn’t sure who threw the first snowball but before he knew it, war was declared. There was nowhere to turn, missiles flying in every direction no matter how fast he ran. Doris and Ernie squealed with excitement, unsure of where to go or what to do. They ended up spinning in circles, their laughter filling the air when Clifford darted between them, his jaw snacking at the snow that had kept falling since the night before. Louis spotted Harry a few feet away, captivated in the moment and watching their big, blended family with stars in his eyes. He took his opportunity, creeping up behind him exaggeratedly and stuffing handfuls of snow down the back of his trousers.“YOU LITTLE FUCKER!” he roared, snapping around and rugby tackling Louis to ground.His coat rode up and the icy ground stung the skin of his lower back. But they were too busy laughing for Louis to care. They rolled around like wrestlers, fighting to get the better of each other and scrubbing snow into any place they could reach. It was so freeing to just act like children, to get wet and messy and not care about how they looked. Just when Louis thought he was winning, the ground started to thunder. From his position on top of Harry, his legs straddled and his hands furiously rubbing snow into the warmth of his scalp, Louis turned his head and seven gleeful faces approaching him at speed. There was no time to react, Fizzy slamming into him first and knocking him to the ground. The rest of them piled on, Gemma’s wicked laugh dominating the buzz of voices and sparking a deep chuckle from the bottom of Louis’ lungs. He was winded, he was cold, and he was wet. But he was deliriously happy.When everyone started to shiver, their clothes slick to their bodies with quickly melting snow, they filed back inside with chattering teeth. Coats and scarves were peeled off and hung to dry in the utility room, the warm air that blasted from the dryer making all of them crave dry clothes. They split off to get changed, Anne and Jay already stirring huge pans of hot chocolate and releasing tantalising smells into the air.Adorned in jogging bottoms and baggy sweatshirts, they all reconvened in the family room. They piled onto the sofas, wrapping themselves in blankets and plumping cushions in the most comfortable positions. There was room for everyone but still they clustered together, limbs tangled as they blew on their steaming mugs. Anne switched on the tree lights and closed the curtains; in the fireplace candles burned, all different shapes and sizes clustered together and steadily dripping wax. No one fought over the television remote, all too relaxed and content to care what they were watching, as long as they were together. There wasn’t even the usual bickering amongst the siblings; it seemed that everyone knew how important this family time was and how different it could have been if Louis had not found the strength to rebuild himself. They stayed that way for the whole afternoon, making their way through both Home Alone films and dozing through The Holiday.Louis laid between Harry’s legs; his back pressed against the firmness of his chest. Harry’s arms draped over Louis shoulders; their hands linked together and legs crossed over one another. Out of the entire family, Louis was the only one who remained awake, although his eyelids fluttered dangerously every few seconds. He didn’t want to sleep, he wanted to soak up every single second. He was soothed by the gentle snuffles and deep breathing all around him, the light around the curtains dimming with every passing minute.“Penny for your thoughts?” Harry chuntered sleepily from behind him.“I was just thinking about how fucking lucky I am,” Louis replied, taking the opportunity to burrow deeper into the warmth of his boyfriend’s body. “This is the best birthday I’ve ever had. Who needs fancy restaurants or surprise parties when I have all of you guys snoring in my ears?”“Heeeeeeyyyyyy,” Harry replied, drawing the word out languidly. “I don’t snore.”“You sure about that Styles?” Louis sassed, craning his neck to look back at him.“Positive. Actually I was dreaming I was a tractor. So I think you should take that back!”“You are, without a doubt, the biggest geek I know.”“But you love me.”“Endlessly.” Louis took the opportunity to squeeze Harry’s hands tighter and settled his cheek into the warm folds of his t-shirt instead of turning back around. “I had no idea I could feel like this. I love you so much that I could never describe it.” Fingers still linked, he lifted their hands up to his mouth and planted a lingering kiss on Harry’s knuckles.“Lou?”“Uh huh?”“Take a walk with me?” ♥ They pulled the door closed quietly behind them and set off across the drive hand in hand. The moon had slipped out from behind the snow clouds and every thing was bathed in shimmering silver light. The shadows deepened, hiding entire corners of the landscape in darkness that went on forever. Clifford trotted eagerly at their side, his nose twitching as he caught the scent of rabbits and moles on the gentle winter breeze. Harry led them out of the gate and across the narrow road, dipping into the dense woodland opposite his mother’s house. The ground remained smooth under their feet and Louis assumed it was some kind of path, his vision only stretching a couple of yards ahead of where they walked.“Harry...this is is really fucking creepy. How do we know we’re going the right way?”“You’re safe Lou. I’ve been coming down here since I was a little lad. Just keep going straight and we’ll be fine.”Louis thought about the note they’d left on the dining table, explaining they had headed out for a walk. He wondered how long it would take before anyone started to worry? Would they just assume the boys were out having some quality couple time? Would they start to worry when their dinner was congealing on plates in the warmer? Or would it be when all the little ones were bathed and in their pyjamas? Would they put out the mince pie and milk for Santa, wondering all the time how long it would before Harry and Louis came back? His mind whirred, picturing his family waking up excited on Christmas morning and realising their bed was unslept in. He dreamed up headlines and wondered which picture they would put on the news. Just as he was picking which song would play at his funeral, he noticed light starting to pick it’s way through the trees again, the thick leaves spreading out to let it through.“Here we are,” Harry said proudly, pulling them to a halt at the edge of the path.Clifford ran on ahead, circling the clearing with his nose to the ground.“Wow! Harry it’s beautiful!”They stood in the empty circle, the trees forming a border around them. Icicles hung haphazardly from the trees, clinging even to the smallest of branches and swaying in the breeze. The moon was high, the entire clearing illuminated in a showcase of nature. Louis broke away from Harry, running his hands over the old, gnarled trunks that still stood strong after years of surviving every season. The bark glittered with frost and snow dropped sporadically from above his head.“I used to come here with my friends in all weather,” Harry’s voice broke the silence and Louis turned to watch him circle nostalgically. “Had my first kiss with a girl on that stump over there. Didn’t like it much though.” He laughed and continued to move around, forgotten moments surfacing at every turn. “I threw up in this bush here after my first night drinking vodka. We set a tent up over there for a camp out and then changed our minds and ran through the dark back to my house at 2am. You see that little gap there? Five steps in and you’ve reached the boy’s toilet. And the gap slightly to the right? That’s the girls.”“Sounds like this place was pretty important to you growing up.” Louis loved seeing Harry like this, lost in his own head amongst his most treasured memories.“It was everything. When we came here it was like the rest of the world didn’t exist. The days went on forever and we were free to just be kids. Now, I get to bring you here. I can show the echoes of little Harry just what he’s got to look forward to. And reassure him that even though he has to grow up, there’s something really fucking special waiting for him when he does.”They took a minute to just look at each other, to bask in the feeling of right there and then and tuck it away to keep forever. Harry walked the short distance back to Louis and pulled him into an embrace. “This isn’t everything I wanted to show you. See that other little gap over there?” He pointed to an archway made entirely naturally where the trees bent together at the top. “You can get to the river that way. Come on.”He set off, pulling Louis slightly behind him. He let out a long whistle and Clifford came storming out of the trees, his curly black coat dusted in snow from his exploration of the undergrowth.“This way lad,” Louis called, laughing at the overgrown puppy that blazed past him, panting and whining with excitement. “I think you’ve overstimulated my poor dog.”“He certainly seems to be settling into his role as pet and chief of the Good Boys.”“Retirement suits him, the little shit.”Clifford had reached the end of the path and stood sentry, barking at Harry and Louis as they drew closer.“We’re coming you dickhead!” Louis shouted, shaking his head in disbelief.They broke into another clearing, this one stretching miles in either direction. Directly in front of them, a massive river glimmered under the moon. Gentle waves sloshed on the surface and somewhere in the distance, Louis could hear running water.“There’s a little natural waterfall over there,” Harry explained, casting his hand in the general direction. “We’d be better coming to that when there’s daylight, you have to hop across a few stones and it’s pretty slippery. It’ll be almost totally frozen over by now, so beautiful.”“Why did you ever want to move to London when you had all of this around you? It’s so peaceful.” Louis spread his arms wide and tipped his head back to the sky.It was thick black velvet, the stars tiny pinpricks in the fabric that let the smallest amount of light through. The clouds had almost completely cleared, and the temperature started to drop again.“There’s only so much you can do here. And I wanted to bake. Barbara at our local bakery would have had me forever but I wanted more. Holmes Chapel couldn’t offer me that. I considered heading to Manchester for the longest time but something about London just kept pulling me back. Fate, I’d say.” Harry smiled and then flicked his eyes down to his watch. “Shit, come on.”He grabbed Louis’ hand and took off in a run; they snow packed under their feet and the effort of staying upright made their thighs burn. Louis panted, not used to the physical exertion of running anymore; his lungs were burning with every gulp of arctic air and he prayed to God they didn’t have far to go.“Just up here baby,” Harry soothed, noticing that Louis was starting to flag.“You should have told me I’d need a bloody Sherpa!” Louis sassed, reaching out to grab onto Harry’s sleeve and be pulled along.“It’s worth it, I swear!” 

Louis huffed, his breath pluming in the air in front of his face.It was getting darker again, the moon no longer directly above them. He couldn’t see more than 6 feet ahead but he could hear Clifford’s claws clacking over something wooden. As the thought cleared in his mind, Louis spotted a low roof that climbed to a soft point; it was coated with thick layers of snow, reminiscent of the gingerbread houses he had made with his siblings earlier. A simple frame ran beneath it, like a shed frame with no walls and, halfway up the poles at the front, a twisted metal fence protected whoever entered from stepping straight into the river.“Oh my God, H! It’s like something from Hansel and Gretal!”Pepped up, Louis started to walk faster, desperate to take a better look. Harry hung back and let Louis race ahead, a smug smile curling the ends of his mouth.“OH MY GOD THAT’S A VIEWING PLATFORM!”Finally, Harry jogged the last couple of feet to catch up. The back of the hut was ground level, just a small step up to the main room. Wooden benches lined the walls and a small island next to the door served it’s purpose as a makeshift table. Around the roof, small porthole windows allowed just enough light in to stop visitors from breaking their neck. Harry’s winter boots boomed over the creaking boards; Louis was already out on the platform with Clifford. He was turned to the side, his perfect profile picked out in the moonlight. Harry could see his jaw hanging low, wonderful awe dictating his expressions. As the hut progressed forward, the ground gave way to the riverbank and eventually, the water. The platform itself was completely over the river, held up with stilts that reared out of the brackish depths; if you stood there long enough with your head up and your back to the hut, it felt like you were walking on water.“This is just...” Louis fumbled around for the right words, his eyes never leaving the sky. Harry closed the gap, wrapping himself around the smaller man and nestling close to his neck. He smelled like Louis with a hint of Holmes Chapel and Harry was drunk on it.“Breathtaking,” Harry helped; his own gaze fixed on Louis’ beautiful face.He didn’t know himself what he was describing, too lost in the moment and the way the moon danced over the elfin slopes and crests of his boyfriend’s face.“I feel like Jesus,” Louis whispered, and Harry couldn’t help but let out a snort. “What?!” “Don’t laugh you prick,” Louis slapped at Harry’s arm around his waist, his own voice raising with a retained laugh. “It’s just... I can’t feel the boards under my feet and I can’t sense the hut behind me... I feel like I’m out on the water, just standing there.”“I get it baby, believe me. What do you think of the view?”“I feel so small,” Louis whispered.Devoid of any natural light, the sky above them stretched on for aeons. The moon hung low and full, outnumbered by the shimmering sprinkle of millions of stars; they were separate entities but joined united in their mission to illuminate the void of the winter night sky. They watched on as the last dregs of daylight died at the very edges of the horizon.“Thank you for bringing me here, Harry. It’s so special.”“I try to come here every single time I’m home. It holds a lot of memories for me... well for everyone in Holmes really. This is where Rae told Liam she was pregnant believe it or not.” Harry craned his neck, nostalgia warming his bones. “If these walls could talk...”“This wouldn’t last two minutes in Donny,” Louis shivered and snuggled further back into Harry, stealing the warmth from his chest. “It would be covered in graffiti and set on fire before the ground had chance to settle. Kind of sad really, that no one can appreciate something nice without destroying it.”The remark felt loaded, and Harry didn’t know how to respond. He let the moment hang, giving Louis the space to sit with his feelings. He tightened their embrace, showing his support without encroaching on what was obviously an important reflection. They stood together, breathing each other in while their heartbeats synchronised, no words needed for either of them to know just how loved they were.“It belongs to the big house over there.” Harry broke the silence, his voice cracking slightly, He reached over Louis’ shoulder to direct his gaze. “The guy that lives there is kind of like Holmes Chapel royalty; he isn’t anyone officially important, but his family has beenhere generations. Most of this land is his but he lets people enjoy it. Just as long as we stay respectful, he won’t ever put up a fence.” “Wow. What a genuinely nice man. It’s rare nowadays.”“If you look closely over there,” Harry gently tilted Louis’ chin in the direction he was pointing, “you might just be able to see the light on in his attic.”At exactly the right minute, the sky exploded with colour, the delayed boom of the fireworks hitting them a few seconds later. Louis gasped and reached for Harry’s hands; his expression had become serene as they soaked up the tranquillity of the lake and now, he was agog with excitement and child-like wonder. All around them the sky pulsed with glittering bursts, each firework shooting high into the air before coiling and spiralling over themselves and tumbling to the ground. Louis barely breathed; his head thrown back onto Harry’s shoulder and the words he had been about to speak stuck in his throat.“Happy Christmas Louis,” Harry murmured, his lips pressing against the smooth expanse of skin at the top of his jaw. His cold nose pressed against the back of Louis’ ear and sent a shiver through the other man; a delicious mix of excitement and happiness.“Happy Christmas Harry.” ♥ Christmas Day dawned early for both families the next day; Doris and Ernest burst into the main house at just past 5am, running from room to room screaming for everyone to wake up, Santa had been! Louis had groaned and attempted to pull the duvet over his head and cling onto the warmth he and Harry had generated through the night. For Harry, it had been years since he got to enjoy Christmas through the eyes of children. He was instantly awake, swinging his legs out of bed and sliding into his pyjamas. His entire body buzzed with adrenaline, the excited shrieks outside the door spurring him on. He could hear Clifford running behind the twins, excited yips escaping from the overgrown puppy. When it became apparent that nothing he said was going to wake Louis, he threw the bedroom door open and beckoned the twins in to jump on top of him until he gave up the fight.“RIIIGGGHHHTTT YOU FERAL CREATURES!” Louis had roared, springing up with no warning and capturing a twin under each arm. “I’m up! I’m up! I’m up!”“He’s been Boo, he’s been!” Doris stuttered, her bottom lip quivering in overwhelming joy. “There’s presents Boo!”“Just let me have a wee kiddos, and we’ll go back over to the barn.”The twins groaned as Louis forced his feet into his slippers and deliberately took his time stretching. Harry was transported back to 90’s Christmases; sitting at the top of the stairs with Gemma while they waited for Anne to pull herself together. No one went downstairs alone; it was the unwritten rule. It felt like the longest five minutes of their lives, the edge of the stairs digging into the back of their thighs and the smell of pure excitement wafting up the stairs on a cold breeze.They had eventually made it back over to the guesthouse where the rest of the Tomlinson’s sat on the sofa in various states of disarray. Jay was the only one who seemed fully alert, her eyes sparkling the way only a mother’s can as her smallest babies barrelled into the carefully wrapped gifts under the trees. The older girls worked their way through their own presents, quietly thanking their mum after every one and regularly stopping to watch their siblings with proud expressions. Louis and Harry unwrapped almost identical throws made with love by the older girls; Louis’s was blue and Harry’s was green and each was swirled with the opposite colour. It made Harry warm and fuzzy to receive his first homemade gift, like he really had been made into a member of the family. Anne handed her gifts around and Gemma sat in the background, drowning in her sweatshirt with the hood pulled tight around her face and a cup of coffee glued to her hand. Like Louis, she wasn’t a morning person but Harry could see in her eyes that she was transported back to childhood. It was impossible to escape that magic; when you spent Christmas with children the spirit wrapped it’s away around you.Harry had disappeared off to his mother’s bedroom, coming back with a Santa sack for Louis, carefully embroidered with his initials. He had already unwrapped his stocking fillers, genuinely excited by the socks and niche gadgets that Harry had trawled the most random websites to find. His favourite gift had been a “Grow Your Own Hairy Beaver” kit; the sight of the pop sock stuffed with sawdust and seeds and sporting googly eyes had him wheezing with laughter and it had sat next to him ever since. For his main present, Harry had made a huge hamper for his bedroom. They had finally decided it was time to make it a haven instead of a prison and he had listened carefully to every idea that had passed Louis’ lips. He’d bought all new bedding, candles, throws, cushions; he had sneakily added a coffee pod machine to sit on the bedside table for the days they lost themselves under the covers for hours on end. He added in strip lights and a neon wall sign, prints of some of Louis’ favourite art and framed pictures of them together. When Louis' hand hovered over a black velvet drawstring bag, Harry cleared his throat and shook his head quickly. His cheeks reddened as he imagined their families seeing the adult gifts he had packed into the bag.Gemma noticed and muttered, "For fucks sake, it’s the baby Jesus’ birthday Harry!” as she stood to get another cup of coffee.“Harry... baby... I’m so sorry. I messed up.” Louis looked at him with doe eyes, his fingers fiddling with the bottom of his tacky Christmas jumper. “I forgot your present. It’s still at the flat. I am so, so sorry. I feel like I’ve ruined your day.” He reached out for his boyfriend, pressing soft kisses along the line of his jaw.“Hey, c’mon Lou. It doesn’t matter. I can open them in a couple of days when we get back. Don’t sweat it.” Harry tried to keep his tone light, but he hadn’t been quick enough to stop his face from drooping in disappointment.“Louis! What an arsehole!” Lottie snuggled into Harry’s side, ducking under his arm that lifted naturally to accommodate her. “You preach on about that stupid Christmas planner and you manage to forget the most important thing!”“Okay Lottie, thanks for the guilt trip,” Louis spat between gritted teeth. Trust his own siblings to call him out on his carelessness.“Honestly. Louis. It doesn’t matter. I had my stocking still. And this way I get another Christmas when we get back. Maybe we could have the lads round, do a roast?”“Sounds perfect.” Louis couldn’t look Harry in the eye; he had managed to pull himself round, but his beautiful green eyes watered slightly, and Louis couldn’t bear it. “I really am so sorry Harry.”“It doesn’t matter. I have you. I have our family. That’s what Christmas is about anyway. And if you really want to make it up to me... that’s what the black velvet bag is for,” he purred, letting his hand run over Louis’ chest and graze over the bulge in his jeans as he walked away. ♥ They had gone back over to the house as one unit a couple of hours later, all making the decision to stay in their pyjamas and have a lazy, cosy Christmas. They bustled around the kitchen, sharing out the duties of making Christmas dinner and singing along loudly to the CD that Anne had played every year since her own kids were little. It was rammed full of classics, songs everyone knew the words too no matter how young or old.The Aga burned away in the corner, the smell of crisping meat and perfectly seasoned stuffing filling the air and setting mouths watering. At some point, someone had broken out the Baileys and they were all on their way to tipsy by 2pm. The younger ones rolled their eyes and tried to sneak sips from the class, the clinking ice giving them away every time. When Jay wasn’t looking, Louis sent Daisy and Phoebe into the living room to play with the younger twins, forcing small glasses of the creamy liqueur into their hands and shoving them out of sight. He winked at Harry when he caught him watching and then walked straight back over to his mum, whistling Shaking Stevens like the picture of innocence.They sat around the table, all eleven faces beaming with a shared sense of festivity. Dinner had taken longer than anticipated and outside the world was dimming. The outdoor lights were triggered, and Anne’s home illuminated in a quick flash. The snow had started to fall again and the flakes danced through the beams of lights that flashed over the grass. For an outsider looking in, it appeared to be the perfect family Christmas. The older kids were helping dish out to the younger ones, both strapped in their highchairs clutching new toys like they’d be taken away any minute. Now That’s What I Call Christmas was playing through for the umpteenth time, but no one cared, still singing just as loudly as they had the first time. Anne and Jay were seated at opposite ends of the table, both stood up and directing the children as they carved meat and dropped fluffy Yorkshire puddings onto outstretched plates. Someone left the table to fetch the mint sauce that had been abandoned in the kitchen, someone else got up straight after to get the gravy. Clifford circled the table, pausing to snaffle meat from a discreet hand at the side of the chair and the oldest siblings poured double measures into each other’s glasses and teased one another when they tried to escape the lengthy pour. The Aga still pumped out heat in the next room, the warm draught making it’s way through the house; in the corner, the Christmas tree glowed and flickered as the fairy lights chased each other through the sequence. It was the kind of holiday season most people only ever saw in films; no fighting and bickering, no awkward in-laws or need to rush from house to house. They could all just be together, relaxed and comfortable and not under pressure to behave a certain way. There is a freedom that comes from just being yourself, and Louis had never felt more loved and accepted in such a big group of people. This would have been the perfect last Christmas, but it was a much better first. ♥ Louis walked into the living room and shook the snow out of his hair. He had spent half an hour in the garden letting Doris and Ernie chase Clifford through the calf-deep drifts. Frankly, all three of them had needed tiring out before bed and the fresh air seemed to have done the trick. They ran towards Jay, curling round her warm body, their thumbs already in their mouths and eyes fixed on the soothing flames behind the glass of the log burner. The room was pleasantly dim, side lamps and fairy lights the only source of light.“Are you seriously okay with him forgetting your present, Haz?” Gemma had her back to him, her voice deliberately low. Harry was stood to her left, a petulant look on his face as he rolled his eyes at his sister. To Gemma’s right, Anne hovered, her eyes flickering between her kids.“Gemma, give it a rest. Harry has said he isn’t upset, so just let it go. You still got all your presents!”“Gem, I know you’re looking out for me but seriously... this isn’t the big deal you’re making it out to be. I’ll get my presents when we go home.”“If he’s actually got you a present,” Gemma muttered under her breath, half turning away to roll her own eyes in exactly the same way Harry had.“I don’t think you’re being fair,” Anne interjected, her peace keeping senses on red alert.“What is your problem, Gemma?! I bring home the most perfect, handsome, hilarious man, the absolute love of my life who’s been nothing but kind and considerate to you and somehow, just like every other time something big happens in my life, you’ve got a less than pleasant opinion about him. WHAT GIVES?!” Harry was incensed, his eyes wide and mouth gaping. His hair had got gradually curlier throughout the day, the humidity of the kitchen mixed with the cold, wet air outside had done a real number on him. Louis had never seen anyone more beautiful.“OH I’LL TELL YOU WHAT GIVES BABY BROTHER!” Gemma turned back to him dramatically, her long dark hair flipping over her shoulder. “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU SERIOUSLY THOUGHT OLD SAPPY BOLLOCKS BEHIND ME WOULD FORGET YOUR PRESENT!”“Don’t you dare...” Harry started, before the weight of Gemma’s words caught up with him. He turned, face a twisted mask of shock, and took in the sight of Louis, his arms full of parcels and gift bags and a huge smile on his face. Around them, the family perched on any available service, watching the show unfold.“As if I would ever forget to spoil you,” Louis laughed playfully, leaning over all the gifts in his arms to kiss Harry firmly on the mouth. “Happy Christmas baby.”“Louis! Oh my God I was so gutted!” He hiccupped around a tight sob, reaching out to squeeze Louis’ upper arms. “Are they all for me?” His eyes tracked over everything, trying to guess what each parcel was from the shape.“Every last one. Come and sit over here.” Louis guided them both over to the tree, bending to arrange the presents in a semi-circle. Harry stepped over it all and immediately grabbed for one of the bags.“Ah ah ah! You have to do it in order. This one’s first.” He handed Harry an envelope and settled down opposite him.Harry pulled out the thick sheets, his eyes starting to scan the first words.
   “My handsome baker, my best friend, the love of my life, I know you’re cursing me already, but you need to read this one aloud. Everyone is going to be dying to know what it says, and it saves the awkward silence while you read it to yourself. You need to go slowly, don’t skip ahead, and let me wish you a very merry Christmas in my own way. Since I was a kid, I always lived life too fast. Mum used to shout after me that it wasn’t a film and that I didn’t have to dance or overact everything I did. You know how my story goes, you’ve lived it with me more times than I count, but the day I first saw you I could feel that somehow, my heart knew you. I wouldn’t let myself believe it, I just thought it was a bit of a crush and that it would go away. Maybe it’s because I was that little bit older, or maybe because of the shit I had been through, but I was jaded and bitter and I didn’t want to fall for you. Not at first anyway. But you had different ideas. You saw me clearly when you no one else did. You were the first person, besides my slightly senior neighbour, who had ever taken the time to find out how I was doing. And not only that, you listened and you actually cared. I'm sure you’ve noticed, but that’s not a common occurrence in The Smoke! You have completely flipped my life upside down. You’ve taught me how to find strength inside myself, even when I gave up hope that there was anything left inside me. You have reminded me what it’s like to be fun, to make mistakes, to laugh with friends and cry when it all goes wrong. I’ve never met someone who is so perfect for me, and I am so beyond in love with you. So, I’m going to give back to you some of the things you gave to me. In my own way obviously, you know how competitive I am. Now open the first bag.”
Louis gestured to the starting point; a pressed navy glitter box with a hot pink bow. Harry quickly pulled it open, digging through the shredded paper and polystyrene nuggets on the bottom of the box. Finally, his fingers closed around cold glass and he pulled the present out to get a better look.“Amethyst infused lavender essential oil hand poured vegan candle,” Harry read from the label. “My birthstone! That’s so thoughtful.” He pulled off the lid and gasped. The candle was encrusted with white luminescent glitter and all around the outside, amethyst crystals poked out of the wax at jaunty angles. Even Louis had to admit it was impressive.“Did you read the gift tag babe?” Louis asked, impatient to see Harry opening all his presents.Harry rustled through the gift box, feeling for the obvious thin feel of a tag. “Here it is! Out loud again?” He seemed to be settling into his role as centre of attention, his toes no longer clicking as he jostled them nervously.
   “You made my world bright. 

  The sun, - the bright sun, that brings back, not light alone, but new life and hope, and freshness to man- burst upon the crowded city in clear and radiant glory.” 
He looked up at Louis, not tearful as expected, but beaming bright and beautiful.“Do you like it?”“I love it! Don’t be so nervous,” Harry replied. “And you quoted Dickens so another brownie point.”Louis smirked uncommittedly and carried on watching Harry amongst his gifts. He sent the candle round in a circle for everyone to sniff, reading the instruction leaflet the artist had sent alongside it.“Back to your gifts, you.” Louis reached for the second one and encouraged Harry to pick up the letter once more.
   “You truly are the light of my life; the only light sometimes, when the darkness creeps in just a little too quickly for me to manage. Sometimes I think that in this world, you are my sun, and I am your moon. You; spun gold and warmth and me; cool silver and mysterious depths. We are the perfect team and together, we keep our world spinning.

   The second gift now baby.”
Harry reached for the largest gift in the pile; from his position on the floor it towered over him and be balked at the unexpected weight. It was wrapped in a metallic mocha paper that was dotted with spots in multicoloured pastel. Louis had found the biggest, most obnoxious ribbon he could; rough brown hessian with gold running through it. Inside was a beautifully ornate mirror; it had reminded Louis of a piece of toast in shape although he was sure Harry would have a much better idea about the design. The gilded gold frame was made up of coiling vines, reminiscent of the hand mirror Harry had left on the doorstep all those months ago.“It’s so beautiful,” Harry whispered, his fingers trailing over the flowing curves. He was already searching for the note, tacked to the back of the mirror.
   “You showed me my worth. 

  To love someone is to show them their beauty, their worth and their importance.”
He looked over to Louis, his lower lashes shimmering slightly in the firelight. There were no words needed, emotion and understanding passing between them with just a look. Louis couldn’t speak, even to attempt words would result in him bawling and he needed to hold himself together for just a bit longer. In that way that he had, Harry sensed it and passing the mirror over to Gemma, he went back to reading his letter.
   “I didn’t think I would ever be worth anything to anyone ever again before you crashed into my life with flour on the end of your nose and a tragic love song at your lips. And although you saw something that inspired you to get to know more, it isn’t only that I need to thank you for. Your influence is the reason I am the way I am today; I don’t know whether that is a reason for you to celebrate or cry! But being around you; your positive attitude, your enchanting sense of self and your overwhelming kindness, all of that has shown me a better side of myself too. And when I tumbled into love with you, I got to fall in love with myself too. I can’t ever thank you enough for that. 

  Magic number 3 now...”
Harry looked around for the third gift, and at the same moment, the twins came into the room. They had slipped out unnoticed as Harry read, grabbing the third gift from the understairs cupboard where Louis had stashed it before he came in. Daisy was openly crying, Phoebe not far behind as they staggered under the weight of the enormous bouquet. The hand-tied flowers were a mixture of decadent red roses, snow dusted pinecones and shining red holly berries. Louis had requested whispers of baby’s breath amongst it all and luxurious greenery that he had no idea about. He had to admit he had been impressed and now, looking at Harry’s making grabby hands, he knew he had chosen the right blooms.“Mum, look at my flowers! They’re so beautiful! Did you know about these?” Harry babbled excitedly, his fingers fluttering over the petals. He buried his face right in the centre, breathing the scent into the bottom of his lungs. “And they’re real! Louis you got me real flowers!”Louis laughed, unable to resist reaching out to stroke the inside of Harry’s wrist where he was the softest. He felt the flicker of his pulse under the paper-thin skin and his own heart skipped a beat. It wasn’t a dream, his boy was right there in front of him, so deliriously happy and excited for their future. It was only when Harry tried to stick his face back in the bouquet that he noticed the card attached to a Scandinavian style wooden reindeer; it jabbed into the flesh of his cheek right below his eye, startling him into remembering what he was doing.“Oh my God, yes! The card!”
  “You showed me the world’s beauty. Do I love you? My God, if your love were a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches.”
Closing the small gap between them, Harry leaned over and cupped Louis’ cheek. He stayed that way for the briefest of moments, and no one in the room breathed. Then he pressed their mouths together, his lips relaxed and soft under Louis’. Around them, their family sniffed into tissues, drunk on the display of true, fated love that unfolded in front of them.“I love you so fucking much,” Harry hissed, pressing their foreheads together, his eyes screwed tightly closed against the rush of feelings that stirred inside of him.“Language!” Anne chastised automatically, clapping her hand over her mouth when she realised what she had done. “Sorry,” she muttered, dotted laughter accompanying her. Harry laughed and smiled warmly at his mum.“I better behave myself and carry on with my letter.” He gave Louis’ face a final brush with his thumb before he settled back and resumed his reading.
   “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a sky so blue, a wave so hypnotic or a tree so tall until I met you. I had stumbled through my former years with my eyes closed and never stopped to really appreciate everything that was around me. That’s the power of you, Harry. Inspiring creativity in everyone you meet. You’re a cheerleader for the good in the world, never dwelling on the things we’re missing out on but so grateful for everything we do have. It’s infectious, your thirst for life, and I can’t wait to see the world through your eyes, one trip at a time.

   Open the last box my love.”
Louis was ready, handing the A4 box over to Harry and taking in every one of his little details when he took the time to appreciate the wrapping. That was so Harry; he fought the urge to tear into the gift even though he was practically hovering off the floor with excitement. Louis had chosen traditional brown paper and matching paper ribbon, spaghetti thin and tied in a double strand bow. He’s tucked a pine branch underneath it, the tiniest pinecone still hanging on at the end. Deft fingers slid the ribbon away, picking up the branch and tucking it safely against the warmth of his thigh. Louis’ mind wandered to whether Harry could press the branch like he would a flower before he remembered what they were doing and gave his concentration back to the moment.“Louis! This is the best thing ever!” Harry held the leather-bound scrapbook aloft. It was personalised, gold lettering on the front to spell out “Fuck-et List”. Inside, Louis had spent hours designing pages for them to fill with photos and memories and a dedicated section at the front to fill with a list of all the things they wanted to experience together. “I can’t believe we both made scrapbooks!”“That’s some soulmate shit,” Gemma chimed in, looking around the room at agreeing faces. “It’s almost sickening, really.”“Do you like your gifts so far then, H?” Louis didn’t really need to ask, the genuine mirth on Harry’s face said it all. But still he softened when Harry flapped his hands with glee, in search of the gift tag as the book rested in the gap of his crossed legs.“Got it!”
   “Never allow waiting to become a habit. Live your dreams and take risks. Life is happening now.”
“I love it so much! Can we use some of your new pens to start writing out our ideas? I have a few already!”“Of course,” Louis replied softly. “But finish your letter lovely.”Harry picked the sheets back up, not noticing when, this time, Gemma and Lottie slipped from the room to get the final gift.
   “You have such power, that you somehow made fulfilling my dying wishes into the best and most exhilarating experience of my life. I wanted more, always wanted more time with you, more experiences and more of your addictive way of being. I realised that I was craving something that was forever bringing me closer to death and, in doing that, it suddenly made sense that what I was really wanted was more time. With you and with our friends and our family. And now, we have the rest of our lives to go out there and cause chaos. And I can’t wait. 

  Now this is it, the final gift. Stand up and turn around.”
Harry scrambled to his feet, spinning round frantically. It took his eyes a minute to catch up; they darted wildly around the room, scanning their sister’s grinning faces before dropping down to the floor. On a little wheeled stand stood the flowerpot that Harry had given Louis back in Summer. He had worked so hard to make it thrive and now, a whole host of colourful wildflowers burst from soil and filled the pot. They spilled over the side, the weight of the petals pulling them into a regal bow. Even Louis, who had never really been into gardening, had to admit it looked beautiful. It had been a few weeks since he had seen it, asking his mum to bring it back with her just before they left for Paris, and it really had thrived under her green thumb.Speechless, Harry reached for the note.
  “You brought me to life.

   Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners that make our soul blossom.

   Don’t speak my love, just read the end of your letter.”
Louis watched Harry wipe his nose on the back of his hand and take a deep breath to try and steady his thumping heart. Gemma handed him a tissue, and he raised the letter back up to read the final paragraph.
   “I fell in love with your soul before I ever touched your skin or tasted your lips. For a time, you were the only part of me that thrived in full colour; the rest of my days were shrouded in black and grey but whenever I was around you, I was colourful too. Nothing could have prepared me for it and sometimes it still takes my breath away. 

  I am so grateful that you found you, that you chose me and that you keep choosing me every day. We are going to have the most incredible life together one day. The happiest home. The most beautiful children. But best of all, we’re going to have each other. I wanted to give you back a little bit of everything you gave me in a time when I was stupid enough to think that I wanted to be alone. You never gave up and you kept coming back, leaving those beautiful gifts and only wanting my happiness in return. So here are your pieces of those slices of happiness; I want to share everything with you, all the way to forever.

   Merry Christmas Harry.

   From the very bottom of my heart, Louis x”
The room was silent, save for the rustling of tissues and breathy sobs. Louis waited patiently for Harry to turn back around, the slightest hint of fear itching somewhere inside of him. He prayed he had got it right, that Harry would see what he had tried to do. He didn’t want to tread on those early gifts or diminish them, he wanted to share every part of their story and, hopefully, give Harry the same feelings he had felt when their love story first began. He waited a beat longer, trying to gauge the reaction from the set of Harry’s shoulders and the expression on Lottie’s face.Still turned away, Harry folded the letter carefully and put it in his pocket. He let out the smallest laugh and dipped his head. “Well I don’t mean to be ungrateful Louis, but you forgot about my rock...”The sentence fell away as Harry turned and looked at Louis. He made a strangled sound, looking down at his boyfriend on bended knee in front of him, his arm outstretched with the most beautiful diamond ring between his fingers.“How about this rock then?” Louis’ voice trembled and caught in his throat. He had known he would be nervous, but this was off the scale. He could feel the eyes of their families burning into him, the pressure mounting with every minute. But he wanted to get this right, wanted it to be perfect.Harry hadn’t moved, his face pale and hands clasped to his cheeks. He was in a state of shock, eyes pinned on Louis.“I know it’s quick H. The last six months have been incredible and, the only reason for that is you. With you next to me, I’m always home. You’re my safe place, my confidant, my best friend and the love of my life. When you know, you know. Will you marry me?”In a split second, Harry crossed the room and dropped to his knees in front of Louis. He wrapped his arms around him, knocking them both flat onto the floor and pressed his weight down. He crashed their mouths together, dozens of little pecks dancing between them, the kiss staying on the edge of becoming something deeper.“YES! OH MY GOD YES!”Around them, their family burst into rapturous applause, jumping up from their seats to wrap their boys up in cuddles and congratulations. Louis sat up, lifting Harry with him and slid the ring onto the third finger of his left. It fit perfectly, nestling in between the chunky costume jewellery on his other fingers. It was a simple platinum band, one big diamond embedded into the band and twinkling just under Harry’s knuckle. This was Louis’ future right here; this was the only thing he would ever want. As long as they were together, they would have all the love they could possibly need. And maybe a little bit more, tucked away for a rainy day.
  
  

    
      
        
        
          And there we have it, the end. I hope you enjoyed coming on this journey with me. I've had a blast  ♥'
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