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As we delve into Tayves A’chilleh, it’s important to approach this subject in a manner that may initially surprise you. The conventional approach to countering Tayves A’chilleh, or any tayveh for that matter, involves an assertion of Yiras Shomayim when faced with a conflict — a situation where the performance of a mitzveh, such as davening, is challenged by a competing tayveh. The typical response would be to be ‘misgaber’ - to fortify our Yiras Shamayim to resist the pull of the tayveh. 

But I want to create a more formidable and diverse array of tactics against Tayveh. While it might be commendable and respectable in it’s own right, if the only strategy when a Tayveh intrudes upon the rotzen of the Borei Olam is to sever its influence decisively—to abstain, to refrain—then our arsenal of weapons is meager and paltry. There are more strategies to be discovered and utilized. Even though this endeavor is fraught with risk and danger, it is essential to our growth - as Tayveh is deeply rooted and powerful, we must have all the tools at our disposal to succeed. 

The aspiration here is to approach the challenge of Tayves A’chilleh from a different perspective; a deliberate mehalech for confronting these powerful urges, in order that Yiras Shomayim can guide us even in the midst of the Tayveh. By expanding our strategies beyond mere abstinence, our defenses against Tayveh will grow stronger. We already possess one strategy—severing the desire—at our disposal. Still, through this deep engagement and exploration, we anticipate the emergence of new, effective approaches.

Now, in pursuit of Yiras Shomayim, one must grasp a vital point as stated by Chazal on the words of Moshe Rabbeinu: 
מה ה’ אלוקיך שואל מעמך כי אם ליראה - קרי ביה מאה; אלו מאה ברכות.
Chazal, in their rich understanding, bid us to consider not the entirety of this monumental demand of Yiras Shomayim in one go, rather to approach it through meaningful, incremental actions. It is impractical, perhaps impossible, to seize the full breadth of Yiras Shamayim in one grasp. Our Avoideh must instead be assembled one small, tangible and deliberate act at a time - a ‘brick’ - where Yiras Shomayim is reflected in the act itself. Through the daily repetition of these brachos done with real kavoneh, they accumulate, eventually manifesting into the formidable structure of Yiras Shomayim.

This concept applies to every area where we want Yiras Shomayim to be reflected. Through my personal work on tefillah I discovered that it’s impossible to have overwhelming kavoneh on the entirety of the Shmoneh Esrei. Rather, Yiras Shomayim shines through when focusing upon a single word - or at most two - at a time. When approached like this, these small, tangible pieces of the tefillah become like bricks for the building of our Shmoneh Esrei.

By embracing this approach, we do not charge at the monumental in a single bound; with each action, we encapsulate the vastness of Yiras Shamayim into the scope of our daily lives, nurturing it through repetition and contemplation. This steady, patient building is how we come to live the demand of Yiras Shamayim in every aspect of our being.

This changes the speed of how you approach life and slows it down enormously. It was a big revelation to me that every aspect of my life, from speech to daily activities, was marked by excessive haste. In such dizzying swiftness, the delicate process of thoughtful action—the formulation of these ‘bricks’—finds no foothold; the heart yearns to race ahead, especially when gripped by desire. We are drawn towards instant gratification, yearning to attain our desires without pause or reflection.

Yet, the essence of Avoidas Hashem necessitates slowing down and identifying these ‘bricks’ even within the challenge of tayveh. In the context of Tayves A’chilleh, this means pinpointing the small, incremental action that can embody the mehalech of Yiras Shomayim amidst the pull of appetite.

Herein lies the complexity; To really deal with tayveh there is a need for tangible experience. Lacking this, the nefesh fails to comprehend and resonate with our intentions. It might be a chiddush to some, but R’ Yisroel speaks of harnessing התרגשות הגוף; the body and its desires understand only an emotive language, a language replete with ריגוש.

This engagement is akin to חומר נפץ – dynamite primed to explode; when one surrenders to their sensations in Tayves A’chilleh, no proper mehalech, no constructive path, can emerge. In the midst of indulging, the contemplation of Yiras Shomayim is stifled, leading one to plummet straight into gehennom.

Indeed, there is a stark difference between Tayveh and other koyches; though they are also retzones - they are not overpowering and leave room to experience Yiras Shomayim. 

Take working on Savlones for example. When waiting at a red traffic light, feeling the pressing urge to destroy it is the initial step – the wanting for our reality to bow to our will, and should it resist, we instinctively seek to overpower it. In Yerushalayim, the experience is all too common: after already waiting a few minutes at the crossing light, they have this cruel way of stopping you in the middle of the crosswalk, and then you have to wait again; that really makes you want to blow up.

Feeling that frustration is intrinsic to understanding Ka’as; de facto there is no danger of you actually destroying the light, as we aren’t in Meah Shearim; people don’t destroy traffic lights. Here, the danger in feeling this emotion is minimal because it will not be actualized, and that is why you can really feel and immerse yourself in the rage in order to deal with it.

However, were I to suggest immersing yourself within the sensations of Tayves A’chilleh and truly savoring them, I would be giving you a terribly wrong eitza; You can’t just let yourself feel the craving fully and think you’ll walk away without harm. That’s playing with fire, and you’re bound to get burned.

We’re aiming to find the subtle way to walk the line with Tayves Achilleh, to understand it and yet stay in control in a way that deepens our Yiras Shomayim. That’s the true challenge here—finding the right approach to dealing with our cravings without losing our footing.

In truth, it is foreign to us that the mayseh a'chilleh - the very act of eating - should be religiously significant and meaningful. [This notion is applicable to all forms of tayves]. That is the reason tayves a’chilleh is so powerful and overpowering.

Our ruchniyus in the mayseh a'chilleh is predominantly at two points: before we start, with birchos hanehenin, and afterward - birchas hamazon or brocheh achroneh; and that’s it. When you really have nerves, you do all the brochos; mezones, ha’eitz, then ha’odomeh, shehakol, as well as ha’gefen and perhaps even Ha’Tov Ve’Hametiv. 

But then, once your brachos are done somehow, it feels like a floodgate opens; your tayveh dominates, pushing aside everything else, and you just give in to your desires and eat whatever you want. True, you’ll bentsh when all is said and done, but during the meal? It seems like not much is going on.

Actually, there is a lot happening, and it’s not great - far from it, to be honest. There’s no avoidas Hashem while you’re in the thick of eating. Maybe at the start and at the finish, sure, but in the middle? It’s just not there. And this is the part I find most difficult to fathom - the aspect I’m not willing to stomach. I want to be able to eat with a sense of Yiras Shomayim, not to be driven solely by the impulses of Tayves A’chilleh.

As we have seen previously, the core point of Yiras Shomayim is the recognition that another’s ratzon governs our actions. Every type of Yireh—whether of bosor ve’dom or Yiras Shomayim—reflects this notion of yielding to the will of another.

We are thus compelled to ponder—what is the Borei Olam’s rotzen when it comes to our need to eat? The seforim speak very loftily about מעלה ניצוצות ,גלגולי נשמות, and so forth. You can delve into those teachings, and they might even inspire you momentarily. But let’s be real: these concepts don’t resonate with us where the food does, because I’m not convinced anyone eats ice cream contemplating how the sweetness might be a gilgul of Yerovam Ben Nevat. That’s not how it goes. The sweetness is sugar and fat—simple pleasure, the body’s basic response to what it enjoys.

The Yesod ve’Shoresh HaAvodah was a giant tzaddik, genuinely living in a world of Kedusha and the profound ideas of Gilgul Neshomos and Nitzotzos. That is why his path in approaching food was like that. If I tried to adopt his way, it wouldn’t hold up to the strength and intensity of my Tayves A’chilleh, which is very much present and tangible.

So the mehalech of what the Borei Olam wants from our eating has to be as straightforward as the food itself. Otherwise, it’s bound to miss the mark. That is our challenge, to find this straightforward mehalech. This could be recognizing and experiencing Tuv Hashem - Hashem’s goodness - through the food’s taste, or appreciating the opportunity to depend on the Borei Olam in receiving sustenance. Remember—don’t aim too lofty, or it won’t have any impact. 

Like we’ve discussed in previous va’adim, establishing the emes is fundamental. It’s the same here—you have to anchor yourself in that truth first. Then begins the avoideh of identifying how many actions you can take while still holding on to this emes and experiencing it when eating.

I discovered that two bites is my limit—no more. With the first bite, I can focus on Hashem’s goodness. The second bite, somehow I manage. But by the third? All thoughts seem to fly away. What’s to be done? I must stop and pause. And here exactly lies the problem - we are not willing to take our time under any circumstances.

As I reflect upon my years, I realize that Tayves Achilleh has not waned—contrary to the assumption that with age these desires diminish automatically. They persist. What then, are we meant to invest our time in, if not to address these fundamental challenges?

Yet, we resist. Why? It’s all up to the Tayveh. The Tayveh is a form of rotzen, and the root of the word רצון is רץ—to run. It’s not a matter of lacking time. Of course, we have time; it’s that we don’t want to take the time, because the tayveh pushes us to just speed through, without pause.

While the seforim might suggest a tempered, measured approach to eating as a remedy, this מתינות has always been a challenge for me, as it confronts the tayveh head-on. The tayveh rushes—it’s not interested in moving slowly. That’s why the Ta’anis Haraved is so uncomfortable, for it highlights our lowliness—the tayveh wants to consume everything, run straight to the end without stopping. And it’s not just Tayves A’chilleh; all tayves work this way. 

But as we’ve discerned, when we anchor our intentions to those initial mindful bites and allow ourselves moments of reflection between them, we are not solely combating the speed of craving; rather, we mamshich the kavanah throughout the eating process. 

This is an important point we must grasp; eating slowly—this mesinus—is not about wresting control from the tayveh directly or fighting it directly; rather it’s about maintaining that kavanah, letting it permeate your eating. What we’re trying to do is shape a way of living where the rotzen of the Borei Olam is clear in our actions, where Kedusheh can pierce through the tayveh. Remarkably, that might be limited to only two bites. That’s been my experience. So naturally, we end up eating slowly.
 
That’s our avoideh, to have what is called a weapon of Yiras Shomayim against the tayveh. That is why this mesinus is essential, for that is the only way Yiras Shomayim can emerge. Just like by Shmoneh Esrei, even if there is no tayveh to contend with, the kavoneh shows up only upon measured contemplation of the words.

But over here we also have the chavaya, the tangible experience we have been looking for: not merely tasting the sweetness of ice cream, but savoring Hashem’s kindness and generosity within it. We do not sever the desire; we utilize it in small, meaningful increments. 

Gradually, you will find your life begins to change. Emunah, appreciation for the brachos, hisboinenus—it all starts coming into your everyday actions. You’ll notice how rushed our lives tend to be. But rushing isn’t just inconvenient; it’s the tayveh’s playground, as it thrives on haste. Tayveh dominates when we’re running without pause.

You might think that living our lives in a constant rush is perhaps a hassle—it doesn’t seem like a pleasant way to be. But it’s more than just a superficial inconvenience. This rushed life flings open every door for the tayveh to seize control. But when you want to have Yiras Shomayim in your life, you realize that no, you can’t just barrel ahead. It requires effort, and naturally, there’s a part of you that rejects it. But it's a very fruitful and effective approach. 

Now, don’t aim to do it all the time - start with once a day; if you come to me next week saying, “Rabbi, I’ve been practicing this precisely as you described at every meal,” you'll be so mitztomek ve'yofei loi, so overwhelmed in both spirit and body that you risk becoming unhealthy.

The unfolding chiddush here is that we can indeed experience the mehalech of Yireh within the grip of tayveh; not merely severing the tayveh—a tremendous stride forward. Astonishing, really, that we can actually experience the proper thing. But it demands time and immense effort. 

Even I find that this is something I can practice effectively only with the simplest of foods. My situation—dealing with diabetes—restricts me to simple food. I find it easier there, not so much with elaborate dishes; the complexity invites the rush of the tayveh to the table. But even with something as modest as oatmeal, when you choose 3% milk instead of 1%, it plays to your tayveh, which I understand all too well.

With your bowl of oatmeal, unadorned, just oats and milk, you chew thoughtfully. You use the gevaldig taste to unveil the extraordinary opportunity you have to connect with Tuv Hashem even in those brief moments. Yet, you have to pace yourself, one step at a time. This is the avoideh, substantial and demanding, yet fosters a profound sensitivity. 

Over time, you begin to see how the Chochmeh of Yireh can govern every area of life, even there. One might think the realm of Yireh is reserved for mitzvos, for setting our obligations in order—but where tayveh reigns, Yireh disappears. You make your birchas hanehenin, “pay your dues” so to speak at the beginning and express thanks at the end, but what about in the middle?

No, there’s so much to do there! The real work is right there in the thick of it, but it can only come into the light with small, considerate steps. “Mah Hashem Shoel”—Meah brachos a day, breaking down our avodah into manageable, bite-sized pieces or ‘bricks’ and understanding what each “brick” means.

For me, those two bites of oatmeal—that’s the brick I’ve discovered. For you, it might be different. But it is quite an experience, when you realize, this is what Hashem wants from me. I don’t just understand it intellectually; I feel it, I live it, and it fundamentally changes the way I confront this terrible force.

For example, consider a bochur in yeshiva. Their lives are simple, rich in ruchnius perhaps, yet their physical world is plain. They know the Yeshiva menu inside out—I recall this from my days at the Mir. Like how the day of kugel where they mixed all the leftovers. And then the day of schnitzel—it occupies your thoughts during davening, Boruch schnitzel, atto schnitzel. The whole time this schnitzel is in your head. But you can’t just rush off to satisfy that craving in the middle of Shemoneh Esreh.

Instead of brutally severing that thought with an ‘axe’, we now have a different strategy. When you recognize food as an expression of Hashem’s kindness, why let food distract you when you are already talking to the Borei Olam? It equips you with a new tool, and likely, more will emerge as we delve deeper into this avodah.

This insight opens up additional strategies for other forms of tayveh as well, where the objective is to allow the kedusheh to shine through in the action. The problem with tayveh, the downfall, is when it dominates and becomes solely about your own wants, blanking out Hashem’s will—there’s no room left for anything holy.

To eat or interact with any desire with Yiras Shomayim doesn’t imply absence of pleasure; it means that the enjoyable aspects become conduits for revealing what the Borei Olam desires—not what we desire. And that requires finding the right pace, finding that one “brick” where this can truly happen. It’s an astonishing enrichment of our avoideh, it really is. 

Once a day, try it, and you’ll see the immense difference it makes. But please, don’t overdo it. Pushing oneself excessively in curbing tayveh can provoke such a strong counter-reaction that it could plunge a person into depression, as the seforim tell us. The aim isn’t to battle tayveh head-on but to discover a mehalech, a pathway that harnesses that very energy, by experiencing it and understanding it. That’s the approach I believe we need to work on and adopt.


To eat or interact with any desire with Yiras Shomayim doesn’t imply absence of pleasure; it means that the enjoyable aspects of food become conduits for revealing what the Borei Olam desires—not what we desire. But this requires identifying the small, manageable steps that enable this balanced approach, enriching our avodah profoundly.

Experience this once a day, and the impact is unmistakable. However, I caution you, do not try to do it constantly, for pushing oneself excessively in curbing tayveh can provoke a severe negative reaction, potentially leading to depression, as described in the seforim. It’s vital not to confront desire head-on, but rather to find a path to navigate it, experiencing and integrating that force in a balanced, healthy way. That is the proposed method of avodah.