In the lyrics, a grandmother is celebrating at a Christmas Eve party with her family when, while off her medication and drunk on eggnog, she staggers outside into a snowstorm against the pleas of everyone in the room. She is found the next day, trampled; Santa Claus and his reindeer are determined to be the culprits when "incriminating Claus marks" are found on Grandma's back. The second and third verses describe the combination Christmas/funeral gathering where "all the family's dressed in black" to mourn her death and wonders if all the Christmas gifts they bought for her should be returned (the consensus is a firm yes). Christmas dinner otherwise goes on as normal, with a centerpiece of roast goose, figgy pudding for dessert, and "blue and silver candles" to match Grandma's hairpiece; the newly widowed Grandpa seems completely unfazed by his wife's demise and spends the holiday "watching football, drinking beer and playing cards with Cousin Mel" (who, while not stated as such in the lyrics, is an attractive and much younger woman in the music video and animated film). The upshot is a warning to the listeners to beware, because "a man who drives a sleigh and plays with elves" should never receive a driver's license.