how to avoid boring thanksgiving table conversation
 Hi again! I hope you’re having a fun day filled with good company. Maybe you’re cooking some sides for tomorrow, baking a pie, or making a big ole pot of butternut squash soup with ham and cheese biscuits for dinner tonight? Or maybe you’re not hosting and are just HANGING. Depending on your group, holiday table chit chat can sometimes be dull — add in an election year and things can get fraught. But if you’re the host, you’ve spent far too much time and effort planning the perfect meal for it to be ruined by boring or disastrous table talk!!! Same if you’ve traveled hundreds of miles to be at that table. As I’ve said a few times now, I’m a big fan of ice-breaker questions that everyone can weigh in on. Since it’s too late to order this game for tomorrow (though I highly recommend it for future holiday conversing — and here’s one that looks good for a table with little kids too), might I suggest the Question Bowl game to get lively convos flowing? Here’s how the Question Bowl game works: After you’re seated and settled at the table, everyone writes down a question on a small piece of paper and adds it to a bowl. You pass the bowl around and people randomly pick a question to answer aloud to the group. Here are some fun questions that’ve come up when I’ve played in the past: What’s something you admire about the person sitting to your left?If you could live at any point in history, when would you choose and why?If you had to eat one meal for dinner for the rest of your life what would it be?If you could wake up tomorrow and have one super power, what would it be?Would you rather: ____ or ____ (you can come up with all sorts of combos)What’s your current favorite movie/book/show?If you could trade lives with anyone for a week who would it be and why?What’s your favorite place you’ve ever traveled?What’s a place you want to travel and why?If there was an apocalypse and everyone sitting at this table got stranded together for the rest of our lives, what skill would you bring to our post-apocalyptic compound? (This is a fun one to go around and have everyone answer.) What’s something you admire about the person sitting to your left? What’s something you admire about the person sitting to your left? If you could live at any point in history, when would you choose and why? If you could live at any point in history, when would you choose and why? If you had to eat one meal for dinner for the rest of your life what would it be? If you had to eat one meal for dinner for the rest of your life what would it be? If you could wake up tomorrow and have one super power, what would it be? If you could wake up tomorrow and have one super power, what would it be? Would you rather: ____ or ____ (you can come up with all sorts of combos) Would you rather: ____ or ____ (you can come up with all sorts of combos) What’s your current favorite movie/book/show? What’s your current favorite movie/book/show? If you could trade lives with anyone for a week who would it be and why? If you could trade lives with anyone for a week who would it be and why? What’s your favorite place you’ve ever traveled? What’s your favorite place you’ve ever traveled? What’s a place you want to travel and why? What’s a place you want to travel and why? If there was an apocalypse and everyone sitting at this table got stranded together for the rest of our lives, what skill would you bring to our post-apocalyptic compound? (This is a fun one to go around and have everyone answer.) If there was an apocalypse and everyone sitting at this table got stranded together for the rest of our lives, what skill would you bring to our post-apocalyptic compound? (This is a fun one to go around and have everyone answer.) I also love after-dinner games that get competitive and rowdy. Here are two faves: The paper bag game. Place an empty paper bag, standing upright and stiff, in front of your group. Challenge one person at a time to attempt to lift the paper bag off the floor using only their mouth, with only their feet touching the ground — no getting on hands and knees! And you have to hold your hands behind your back. If you can’t get it, you’re out. After everyone’s had a chance, you cut the paper bag about an inch shorter, and those still in try again. On and on until you have a winner! This is a family fave.Butt quarters/butt darts. Jillian confirmed that this is a game more than just my family plays, ha! You put a quarter between your butt cheeks — like, with your pants on — and waddle over to a cup and release it, aiming for the cup. You can split into teams and compete against each other. It’s truly hilarious. The paper bag game. Place an empty paper bag, standing upright and stiff, in front of your group. Challenge one person at a time to attempt to lift the paper bag off the floor using only their mouth, with only their feet touching the ground — no getting on hands and knees! And you have to hold your hands behind your back. If you can’t get it, you’re out. After everyone’s had a chance, you cut the paper bag about an inch shorter, and those still in try again. On and on until you have a winner! This is a family fave. The paper bag game. Place an empty paper bag, standing upright and stiff, in front of your group. Challenge one person at a time to attempt to lift the paper bag off the floor using only their mouth, with only their feet touching the ground — no getting on hands and knees! And you have to hold your hands behind your back. If you can’t get it, you’re out. After everyone’s had a chance, you cut the paper bag about an inch shorter, and those still in try again. On and on until you have a winner! This is a family fave. Butt quarters/butt darts. Jillian confirmed that this is a game more than just my family plays, ha! You put a quarter between your butt cheeks — like, with your pants on — and waddle over to a cup and release it, aiming for the cup. You can split into teams and compete against each other. It’s truly hilarious. Butt quarters/butt darts. Jillian confirmed that this is a game more than just my family plays, ha! You put a quarter between your butt cheeks — like, with your pants on — and waddle over to a cup and release it, aiming for the cup. You can split into teams and compete against each other. It’s truly hilarious. Have any other ice-breaker or after-dinner games to add to the list?! Leave a comment Also… if you find yourself at holiday cocktail parties where the Question Bowl game wouldn’t work, I loved this post by the girls about how to start a great conversation. When I interviewed stress expert Dr. Aditi Nerurkar back in February, she shared that a gratitude practice — focusing on and even writing down what you’re grateful for — is a science-backed way to reduce stress and improve your mood. I’ve been doing it since, and guys… it’s really, really helpful. Since it’s the official Season of Gratitude (and also, at times, stress lol), we decided to devote today’s So Into That to it! I love asking what other people are feeling thankful for — it’s fun to hear, plus I’ve found that it helps widen my purview of things I can be grateful for in my own life — so we asked a few of my fellow food and Substack friends to share what they’re thankful for at the moment. While we had them, we threw a few other holiday-themed questions at them too! My good friend , host of Conversations with Cam and writer of The lovely Dan Pelosi, aka Grossy Pelosi on IG (remember the epic pot roast Dan shared with us last year?) & , co-authors of , one of our favorite lifestyle-y Substacks! of & of — so many of you messaged me to gush about them after our Thanksgiving hotline Substack live. Aren’t they wonderful? My good friend , host of Conversations with Cam and writer of My good friend The lovely Dan Pelosi, aka Grossy Pelosi on IG (remember the epic pot roast Dan shared with us last year?) The lovely Dan Pelosi, aka Grossy Pelosi on IG (remember the epic pot roast Dan shared with us last year?) & , co-authors of , one of our favorite lifestyle-y Substacks! of & of — so many of you messaged me to gush about them after our Thanksgiving hotline Substack live. Aren’t they wonderful? My family, friends, photo booths, and acupuncture (I never thought I'd be saying that 6 months ago, but it's the best!). —Aliza A flexible schedule that allows me to spend time with my kiddo. —Sohla My family, friends, photo booths, and acupuncture (I never thought I'd be saying that 6 months ago, but it's the best!). —Aliza My family, friends, photo booths, and acupuncture (I never thought I'd be saying that 6 months ago, but it's the best!). —Aliza A flexible schedule that allows me to spend time with my kiddo. —Sohla A flexible schedule that allows me to spend time with my kiddo. —Sohla This is going to sound absolutely insane, but I am grateful for my boyfriend Gus' instagram account: @gus.heagerty. He is a comedian and makes the funniest comedy videos. I can't imagine anyone funnier in the whole world, and I am so grateful that he is mine. When I am particularly stressed out or sad, I go right to his instagram and watch a video to remind myself how lucky I am. It's my happy place. —Dan // Can confirm, his videos kill me. —CaroThe newest member of our family, a rescue puppy named Frankie! And my health. —Olivia This is going to sound absolutely insane, but I am grateful for my boyfriend Gus' instagram account: @gus.heagerty. He is a comedian and makes the funniest comedy videos. I can't imagine anyone funnier in the whole world, and I am so grateful that he is mine. When I am particularly stressed out or sad, I go right to his instagram and watch a video to remind myself how lucky I am. It's my happy place. —Dan // Can confirm, his videos kill me. —Caro This is going to sound absolutely insane, but I am grateful for my boyfriend Gus' instagram account: @gus.heagerty. He is a comedian and makes the funniest comedy videos. I can't imagine anyone funnier in the whole world, and I am so grateful that he is mine. When I am particularly stressed out or sad, I go right to his instagram and watch a video to remind myself how lucky I am. It's my happy place. —Dan // Can confirm, his videos kill me. —Caro The newest member of our family, a rescue puppy named Frankie! And my health. —Olivia The newest member of our family, a rescue puppy named Frankie! And my health. —Olivia My beautiful family and the joy that my two sons bring me. They are such a fun age right now (1 and 3.5) and I feel so nostalgic for the present. Also extremely grateful for the fulfillment I feel in my career and the inspiring people I surround myself with. —Cameron My fiancé, Sam, and I just upgraded from a queen bed to a king, and WOW — it makes a world of difference. We start out the night snuggling and then retreat to our separate edges, where we can spread out as much as we need to without straying into the other person's space. On a less superficial note: I'm so grateful for ! It's helped Aliza and I develop an amazing community over the last few years. We've met new people from Substack (Caroline included!!) and reconnected with friends from the past. And I think people are quicker to be vulnerable with me if they've read an essay where *I've* been vulnerable. All of this to say, if you're looking for new/stronger relationships, start a Substack. (Seriously.) —Aja My beautiful family and the joy that my two sons bring me. They are such a fun age right now (1 and 3.5) and I feel so nostalgic for the present. Also extremely grateful for the fulfillment I feel in my career and the inspiring people I surround myself with. —Cameron My beautiful family and the joy that my two sons bring me. They are such a fun age right now (1 and 3.5) and I feel so nostalgic for the present. Also extremely grateful for the fulfillment I feel in my career and the inspiring people I surround myself with. —Cameron My fiancé, Sam, and I just upgraded from a queen bed to a king, and WOW — it makes a world of difference. We start out the night snuggling and then retreat to our separate edges, where we can spread out as much as we need to without straying into the other person's space. On a less superficial note: I'm so grateful for ! It's helped Aliza and I develop an amazing community over the last few years. We've met new people from Substack (Caroline included!!) and reconnected with friends from the past. And I think people are quicker to be vulnerable with me if they've read an essay where *I've* been vulnerable. All of this to say, if you're looking for new/stronger relationships, start a Substack. (Seriously.) —Aja My fiancé, Sam, and I just upgraded from a queen bed to a king, and WOW — it makes a world of difference. We start out the night snuggling and then retreat to our separate edges, where we can spread out as much as we need to without straying into the other person's space. On a less superficial note: I'm so grateful for A juicy turkey and delicious gravy. Truly one of my favorite things and I always leave Thanksgiving wondering why I don't make it the other 364 days of the year. —CameronThree kinds of cranberry sauce - one can of jellied, one can of whole berry, and one homemade. I like to put cranberry sauce on my cranberry sauce. —DanSweet potatoes with marshmallows! —AlizaThere is no right answer but: Stuffing. —AjaStuffing! And pumpkin pie. —OliviaStuffing. —Sohla A juicy turkey and delicious gravy. Truly one of my favorite things and I always leave Thanksgiving wondering why I don't make it the other 364 days of the year. —Cameron A juicy turkey and delicious gravy. Truly one of my favorite things and I always leave Thanksgiving wondering why I don't make it the other 364 days of the year. —Cameron Three kinds of cranberry sauce - one can of jellied, one can of whole berry, and one homemade. I like to put cranberry sauce on my cranberry sauce. —Dan Three kinds of cranberry sauce - one can of jellied, one can of whole berry, and one homemade. I like to put cranberry sauce on my cranberry sauce. —Dan Sweet potatoes with marshmallows! —Aliza Sweet potatoes with marshmallows! —Aliza There is no right answer but: Stuffing. —Aja There is no right answer but: Stuffing. —Aja Stuffing! And pumpkin pie. —Olivia Stuffing! And pumpkin pie. —Olivia Stuffing. —Sohla Stuffing. —Sohla I'm buying my two-year-old his first LL Bean backpack with his initials. It's a classic! (I'm waiting to see if they run any Black Friday / Cyber Monday deals though.) —AlizaMy Quiet Your Mind and Busy Your Hands journal and adult coloring affirmation book! It is something I created because I personally wanted this product and it combines three of my favorite mental health practices that have helped me over the years: journaling, affirmations, and doing things with my hands. I am so excited to give one to all of my friends and family! —CameronThe Piccalio mini chef foldable tower for the baby (and myself). —Sohla I am so bad at gifting on holidays! I am a year round gift giver. I gift things to my people all year, as I see things I want to buy for them. I could never stash something in a closet for months and wait for Christmas to give it as a gift. Honestly, this year I am most excited to host lots of people for really great meals in my kitchen I just built at my house. I'm excited to stuff lots of faces! —DanSam has been using the same duffle bag (a gift from his grandfather, who's since passed) for as long as I've known him. It's suffered some casualties over time — a broken zipper, a few tears — and so I'm going to steal it away and get it repaired. I can't wait for him to unwrap it. —AjaI plan to gift my best friend an oyster incense holder! —OliviaI’m usually a last-minute holiday shopper, but after working on last week’s gift guides, I am ON IT this year. I’ve already ordered personalized Yeti tumblers for all the men on my list, and personalized stationery for my big boys, who are very into letter writing at the moment. —Molly I'm buying my two-year-old his first LL Bean backpack with his initials. It's a classic! (I'm waiting to see if they run any Black Friday / Cyber Monday deals though.) —Aliza I'm buying my two-year-old his first LL Bean backpack with his initials. It's a classic! (I'm waiting to see if they run any Black Friday / Cyber Monday deals though.) —Aliza My Quiet Your Mind and Busy Your Hands journal and adult coloring affirmation book! It is something I created because I personally wanted this product and it combines three of my favorite mental health practices that have helped me over the years: journaling, affirmations, and doing things with my hands. I am so excited to give one to all of my friends and family! —Cameron My Quiet Your Mind and Busy Your Hands journal and adult coloring affirmation book! It is something I created because I personally wanted this product and it combines three of my favorite mental health practices that have helped me over the years: journaling, affirmations, and doing things with my hands. I am so excited to give one to all of my friends and family! —Cameron The Piccalio mini chef foldable tower for the baby (and myself). —Sohla The Piccalio mini chef foldable tower for the baby (and myself). —Sohla I am so bad at gifting on holidays! I am a year round gift giver. I gift things to my people all year, as I see things I want to buy for them. I could never stash something in a closet for months and wait for Christmas to give it as a gift. Honestly, this year I am most excited to host lots of people for really great meals in my kitchen I just built at my house. I'm excited to stuff lots of faces! —Dan I am so bad at gifting on holidays! I am a year round gift giver. I gift things to my people all year, as I see things I want to buy for them. I could never stash something in a closet for months and wait for Christmas to give it as a gift. Honestly, this year I am most excited to host lots of people for really great meals in my kitchen I just built at my house. I'm excited to stuff lots of faces! —Dan Sam has been using the same duffle bag (a gift from his grandfather, who's since passed) for as long as I've known him. It's suffered some casualties over time — a broken zipper, a few tears — and so I'm going to steal it away and get it repaired. I can't wait for him to unwrap it. —Aja Sam has been using the same duffle bag (a gift from his grandfather, who's since passed) for as long as I've known him. It's suffered some casualties over time — a broken zipper, a few tears — and so I'm going to steal it away and get it repaired. I can't wait for him to unwrap it. —Aja I plan to gift my best friend an oyster incense holder! —Olivia I plan to gift my best friend an oyster incense holder! —Olivia I’m usually a last-minute holiday shopper, but after working on last week’s gift guides, I am ON IT this year. I’ve already ordered personalized Yeti tumblers for all the men on my list, and personalized stationery for my big boys, who are very into letter writing at the moment. —Molly I’m usually a last-minute holiday shopper, but after working on last week’s gift guides, I am ON IT this year. I’ve already ordered personalized Yeti tumblers for all the men on my list, and personalized stationery for my big boys, who are very into letter writing at the moment. —Molly A pair of garden clogs! —OliviaI really want raised garden beds. Like those prefab ones that are all over instagram. I think the brand is Vego. I lie awake at night dreaming of building a big new vegetable garden in my yard this summer. I go over layouts of garden beds and plan what I will put in them. And how I will walk around in my garden every morning with a cup of coffee and talk to my plants. Oh, and I want lots and lots of soil to go in my garden beds. DREAM BIG, kids! —DanI stumbled across my dream chair in a local vintage furniture store and have been pining over it ever since. It's an English teak rocking chair from the 1960s, upholstered in this beautiful hunter green tweed. Unfortunately, it's also exorbitantly expensive. I don't think I'm getting it for Christmas, but maybe?! —AjaI do not have any physical items I'm wishing for this year, but I would loveeee a good 24 hour staycation somewhere nearby where I could sleep in, eat a leisurely breakfast, and spend a day rotting in bed reading my current romance novel of choice. Talk about this mom's DREAM. —CameronAn XL LL Bean tote bag with the zipper top. A new ski jacket and pants from Helly Hansen. —Aliza // The Bean bag was on my gift guides! Such a good gift. —Caro Nice glassware. —SohlaMy whole family is coming to Carmel Valley for Christmas and I’m so happy I can’t even think of anything else I want! George and I are going to Patagonia on a dream bucket list trip at the end of February, so I might ask for (AKA get myself) some trekking gear. —Caro A pair of garden clogs! —Olivia A pair of garden clogs! —Olivia I really want raised garden beds. Like those prefab ones that are all over instagram. I think the brand is Vego. I lie awake at night dreaming of building a big new vegetable garden in my yard this summer. I go over layouts of garden beds and plan what I will put in them. And how I will walk around in my garden every morning with a cup of coffee and talk to my plants. Oh, and I want lots and lots of soil to go in my garden beds. DREAM BIG, kids! —Dan I really want raised garden beds. Like those prefab ones that are all over instagram. I think the brand is Vego. I lie awake at night dreaming of building a big new vegetable garden in my yard this summer. I go over layouts of garden beds and plan what I will put in them. And how I will walk around in my garden every morning with a cup of coffee and talk to my plants. Oh, and I want lots and lots of soil to go in my garden beds. DREAM BIG, kids! —Dan I stumbled across my dream chair in a local vintage furniture store and have been pining over it ever since. It's an English teak rocking chair from the 1960s, upholstered in this beautiful hunter green tweed. Unfortunately, it's also exorbitantly expensive. I don't think I'm getting it for Christmas, but maybe?! —Aja I stumbled across my dream chair in a local vintage furniture store and have been pining over it ever since. It's an English teak rocking chair from the 1960s, upholstered in this beautiful hunter green tweed. Unfortunately, it's also exorbitantly expensive. I don't think I'm getting it for Christmas, but maybe?! —Aja I do not have any physical items I'm wishing for this year, but I would loveeee a good 24 hour staycation somewhere nearby where I could sleep in, eat a leisurely breakfast, and spend a day rotting in bed reading my current romance novel of choice. Talk about this mom's DREAM. —Cameron I do not have any physical items I'm wishing for this year, but I would loveeee a good 24 hour staycation somewhere nearby where I could sleep in, eat a leisurely breakfast, and spend a day rotting in bed reading my current romance novel of choice. Talk about this mom's DREAM. —Cameron An XL LL Bean tote bag with the zipper top. A new ski jacket and pants from Helly Hansen. —Aliza // The Bean bag was on my gift guides! Such a good gift. —Caro An XL LL Bean tote bag with the zipper top. A new ski jacket and pants from Helly Hansen. —Aliza // The Bean bag was on my gift guides! Such a good gift. —Caro Nice glassware. —Sohla Nice glassware. —Sohla My whole family is coming to Carmel Valley for Christmas and I’m so happy I can’t even think of anything else I want! George and I are going to Patagonia on a dream bucket list trip at the end of February, so I might ask for (AKA get myself) some trekking gear. —Caro My whole family is coming to Carmel Valley for Christmas and I’m so happy I can’t even think of anything else I want! George and I are going to Patagonia on a dream bucket list trip at the end of February, so I might ask for (AKA get myself) some trekking gear. —Caro OK, your turn! Weigh in on one (or all!) of these questions, or share a table talk ice breaker you love. What’s something you’re especially grateful for right now? No Thanksgiving spread is complete without _____. Something you can’t wait to gift this year?Top of your holiday wishlist? What’s something you’re especially grateful for right now? What’s something you’re especially grateful for right now? No Thanksgiving spread is complete without _____. No Thanksgiving spread is complete without _____. Something you can’t wait to gift this year? Something you can’t wait to gift this year? Top of your holiday wishlist? Top of your holiday wishlist? Leave a comment Of those who comment before Monday, December 2nd1, we’ll select a random winner to send an item of their choosing from the really great gifts under $30 gift guide! What to Cook launched in December 2020, which means there are almost 200 recipes in the archives. To help you cook through them, let’s revisit what we cooked this week last year, and the year before that, and the year before that. Brought to us last year by . This would be a perfect special meal to fix this long weekend! “My husband said ‘damn girl!’ when I fed him this meal.” That was the preview text I wrote for the email when I sent it two years ago, and nothing I can say now will top it! Except for this comment from Erin: “This is one of my favorite recipes, EVER. Loving it on top of greens the rest of the week. Will definitely make again. Used feta cause that's what I had but bet I would have liked the goat cheese even more. Didn't have enough walnuts, so I roughly chopped almonds. That's what I love about your recipes - you make it seem OK to make subs, not like it's ruining the recipe. Makes it so accessible for this busy mom who used to love to cook.” This is a couscous pilaf full of juicy roasted pears, sweet tender dates, warm, melty feta cheese, and pops of crisp arugula, served alongside the most perfectly juicy roasted pork tenderloin. It’s a beautiful and delicious one-pot fall meal! This email may contain affiliate links. 1 You must be at least 18 years old, a paid subscriber to What to Cook When You Don’t Feel Like Cooking, and live in the U.S to enter to win. No posts