# Czechia

*This article is a part of vomit inducing series.*

Czechia, or Czech Republic, is a small Slav country in the middle of Europe, it's one of the most awful countries in the world. It split from Czechoslovakia in 1993, its capital is Prague, it has about 78000 square kilometers and population of 11 million, the political system and main religion is capitalism. In the past the country wasn't so bad, there was a good tradition of socialism so people had complete social security, education was completely free, everyone could afford food, there were very few ads in the media and generally people were quite happy, everyone would get healthcare and retirement pension; there was also quite diverse culture of different villages with their own language dialects and traditions, there was zero crime, no one ever heard of guns or violence there, there was no fear, and art was also somewhat nice, especially music, movies and movie dubbing. All of this disappeared swiftly once the country adopted capitalism and US culture after the so called *Velvet revolution* at the beginning of 1990s. Recently people were again made to vote -- the choices were to either make everything more shitty or to make things better. They voted to make everything shittier, so inflation is now skyrocketing, people are freezing in winter, TV is unwatchable, food is luxury, let alone things like houses, nothing works, everyone is enslaved, retirement age was postponed to something like 100 years of age plus you must have worked for about 80 years or something (this gets increased every year), ads torture you everywhere, there is no art anymore, health insurance payment is mandatory but you still have to pay for healthcare, but you won't find a doctor anyway, there are no doctors anymore (everyone went to do marketing). The country is only famous for its tradition of drinking a lot of beer. Czech people are mostly described by foreigners as cold, unfriendly, rude and ugly. One of the most famous politicians is a Czech Neonazi who's actually Japanese; another famous Czech is its ugly ex prime minister who is also not Czech but Slovak and is a mafia boss. Czechia has no historical, political or cultural significance. Czechs masturbate every day about Czechia.

Except for drummyfish only fascists live in the country, essentially everyone is a nationalist. Also the country is still pretty redneck. { I remember once traveling by train to slavery and literally hearing a deafening crow of a rooster -- I thought it was someone's funny cell phone but nope, there was a live rooster in the train. ~drummyfish }

**There is literally NOTHING in this shitty country**, it doesn't make any sense for anyone to go there. No, girls won't sleep with you unless you pay. Sea? The country is as far away from the sea as it gets on the continent. Mountains? Nope, there's maybe one or two medium sized hills. Nice nature, like some cool waterfalls or something? Nope, plastic shit everywhere, roads, light pollution, only boring animals and normal generic trees. All bodies of water are non-transparent dark green/brown swamp with clouds of mosquitoes, you won't find any stationary clear water, probably due to shitty geology or something (for example in Croatia even stationary fresh water is clear). Nice weather? Nope, most of the time there is autumn weather, too cold to go swimming, too hot for snow to fall, it's always either windy or raining and if you have allergies don't even try to go out. There are great many mosquitoes and annoying bugs though. Nice architecture? No, just depressive old soviet buildings or ugly capitalist shit. Nice cities? No lol, one of the most famous cities, Ostrava, is just famous for drowning in smog, people of the city made that part of their identity. Prague? That's the most shitty garbage city on Earth, there is literally nothing, just one old bridge, there is NOTHING else in there, and the bridge looks like shit anyway. Furthermore worst human scum lives in Prague, it's like little USA, basically a city of youtubers, it has the greatest concentration of cretins on square meter, it makes you wanna kill yourself just to hear someone talk or see someone's face there -- in fact in Prague there is a bridge specifically dedicated to suicides because suicide is in such a high demand there.

Czechia has no actual history, all the history is fake, for example the famous manuscripts of Dvur Kralove and Zelena Hora are now agreed to have been faked to help "national pride", it's ridiculous how sweaty the nationalist are. The country borders make no sense, they were arbitrarily drawn for political reasons and connect lands that have little in common, the whole "country" is a joke, it would be great if it seized to exist. There exist anthills more glorious than this ridiculous country.

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*Great design for a toilet paper or fire starter.*

Czech language is unironically **the worst language** that there ever was or ever will be. Firstly it sounds horrible, secondly it's the hardest language on Earth, it has seven cases and declinations/inflections and things that make every word have like 20 distinct forms (e.g. "to teach": ucit, ucil, ucila, ucilo, ucili jsme, ucili jste, ucili, ucim, ucis, uci, ucime, ucite, budu ucit, budes ucit, ucil bych, ucila bys, ucili bychom, ... ; "dog": pes, psa, psu, psovi, psi, pse, psy, psum, psech, pejsek, pejsku, pejskovi, pejsky, ... ; "cat": kocka, kocce, kocku, kockou, kocky, kockam, kocicka, kocicce, kocicku, kocickami, ...), NOT EVEN such essential things as forming plural or calling someone are simple at all (e.g. word/plural/vocative: pes/psi/pse, kocka/kocky/kocko, dum/domy/dome, stroj/stroje/stroji, ... do you see any pattern? probably not) PLUS, according to Guinness World Record Book, it also contains the most difficult sound to pronounce (that *r* with arrow above it, great many natives actually can't say it, it's called *rackovani*), there are so many irregularities that children spend whole years at school just hardcore memorizing when to write *y* versus *i* (which are pronounced completely the same, you just have to know which one to write because why not, although honestly it's the same kind of bullshit as memorizing all US presidents), also for example commas and capitalization of words have strict, extremely difficult rules that again have to be memorized. You know the annoying reflexive verbs in Spanish that everyone hates to learn ("despertar", "despertarse", ...)? Czech has it too, but worse (not just "se", like "brodit" vs "brodit se", but also "si", like "ulevit" vs "ulevit si", ...). And yep, there are grammatical genders (not two, but three), diminutives, politeness forms (tykani vs vykani) that complicate translations and a plethora of other crap. AND all this effort is for nothing, it doesn't make a slightest sense to learn the language because no one excepts a few idiots in middle of Europe speak it (and not even they speak it well), you will literally hear it nowhere else. So that's another thing.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Czech language knows the word kurva, which has the same meaning as kurwa in Polish, but is written with *v* instead of *w*.

The whole Czech politics is a gigantically ridiculous joke not even worth discussing too much, but for example it's true that Czechia had the worst presidents of every country, even in comparison with African shitholes and so on. Havel, the only president who came before capitalism, was alright, after him only absolute retards came, every one was much worse than all the rest combined (that's mathematically impossible but they still managed to do it). For example Zeman was the worst retard in the whole country so he got elected, he looked like Vogon from Hitchhiker's Guide to Galaxy except worse, was constantly drunk, rude, had to be carried around like a little baby by his bodyguards because he couldn't walk straight, he almost threw up on national crown jewels and his most famous moment was when he tried to demonstrate his knowledge of English by explaining to some reporter the meaning of the word "pussy" while getting the pronunciation completely wrong. Klaus was a 10 IQ capitalist thief who, despite making millions as a president, was stealing pencils while being filmed on camera. You can't make this shit up. The current president is a narcissist professional murderer and war promoter.

Basically take all the typical shit of Slav countries like Poland or Russia, subtract the few nice things they have and you get Czechia. Czechia is the same gray, depressive country of drunks like Poland, but at least Poland has access to the sea and people in the world know that Poland exists.

Czechs have a kind of brotherhood/rival relationship with Slovaks, for they used to coexist as a single country prior to the split in 1993. They understand each other's language, many Slovaks go study to Czechia (because allegedly Slovak universities suck ass), Czechs visit Slovakia for its beautiful nature etc.; in fact Czech people from Moravia sometimes feel closer to Slovaks than to Bohemian Czechs. Not wanting to offend our good Slovak friends, we have to mention Slovakia is a smaller country, a tiny bit poorer and objectively had smaller success in many areas (such as movies, dubbing, video games, sports, science, ...), despite still having a great culture (e.g. Slovak music is very good, they're also more multicultural). However -- perhaps exactly for this reason -- Slovaks are many times better people, more humble than Czechs who are just self centered pricks, and it looks like Czechs beat Slovaks in stupidity many times (e.g. presidents, increasing retirement age, also Czech kids understand Slovak worse than vice versa and so on).

The greatest Czech was Jara Cimrman, a fictional genius whom the people made up to have someone to look up to. The history of the country is also completely made up, it was crafted to serve nationalism, to justify things like separatism and murdering Germans after the war and also to destroy the country etc.

Soon it's going to be destroyed by Putin's nukes.

All in all avoid this piece of crap place.

## Czech Language Basics

Here are some key phrases to know:

| Czech                       | English                                |
| --------------------------- | -------------------------------------- |
| Strč prst skrz krk.         | typical Czech sentence                 |
| ano                         | "yes"                                  |
| ne                          | "no" (can also mean "yes" from a woman)|
| ahoj                        | "hi" (doesn't imply you're a pirate)   |
| čau                         | "hello" or "bye" (informal)            |
| dobrý den                   | "good day", generic greeting phrase    |
| Jak se máš?                 | "How are you?"                         |
| na shledanou                | "goodbye"                              |
| Kde je tady obchod s obuví? | "Where's the shoe store?"              |
| Prosím neznásilňujte mě.    | "Please don't rape me."                |
| Prosím znásilněte mě.       | "Please rape me."                      |
| Už budu!                    | "I'm gonna come!"                      |
| Zabij se.                   | Kill yourself.                         |
| kuře                        | chicken                                |
| pes                         | dog                          |
| kočka                       | cat                          |
| kočkopes                    | catdog                                 |
| piča (also píča or pyča)    | cunt                                   |
| kurva                       | literally "whore", generic curse       |
| čurák                       | dick                                   |
| prdel                       | ass, also fun                |
| hergot                      | "oh my god", generic curse, Germanism  |
| sakra                       | "damn", lighter curse                  |
| hovno                       | shit, universal reply       |
| do prdele                   | generic curse, literally "to the ass"  |
| do piči (do píči, ...)      | generic curse, literally "to the cunt" |
| naser si                    | "shit yourself", generic refusal       |
| negr                        | nigger                    |
| buzerant                    | faggot                    |

If you're a Czech speaker, here is what you MUST AND MUST NOT DO, FAGGOT. Never use any kind of Bohemian slang, don't you ever fucking dare say "otevřenej" or "červenozelenej" or "na tý cestě zelený" or anything of that sort else you're a fucking subhuman faggot cunt. First of all do NOT fucking ever use the word KOUKAT, in ANY FUCKING CONTEXT EVER, simply do NOT ever use the word no matter what, the word shouldn't exist and mustn't be ever spoken you cunt. Acknowledge the existence of the pronoun "svůj", you shall never say "stáhněte si do VAŠEHO telefonu" but "stáhněte si do SVÉHO telefonu", do you understand the distinction, faggot? Did you even attend kindergarten? Do not dare publicly open your mouth unless you know the basics of your native tongue you idiotic retard. Learn the fucking difference between 4th and 6th case, there's a difference between "ji" and "jí", "na ni" and "na ní". Oh you have bachelor's degree in economics and marketing? I'm so sorry your majesty but if you can't fucking speak your native tongue properly then burn any piece of crappy paper that says you have any kind of education and don't dare open your fucking cunt, get your ass back to the 1st grade ans start learning some basics nigger.

## See Also

- Jara Cimrman
- ZNK
- Slovakia
- Poland