do is bring you you down by helping you feel better like i'm trying to make you feel better that i didn't say that but for me to say i didn't say that is discounting yeah so it's so hard one of the the deep topics in our book was boundaries yes and this is a boundary thing where you're getting sucked into his stuff so you can't stay centered and present right you're you're in or he tries real hard he's getting you in there's a there's some porousness to your boundary and so he's sucking you in because you know you didn't say it he's having whatever he's having that should be enough yeah that should be it for you you should be like i'm here i didn't say that that's how i feel having your own thing here and as soon as this is better we can chat about this right but it's you're just it's just okay he's it's called catastrophizing right so yes and uh you can't engage with it there's a lot of things in mental health pregnancy boundary stuff it's mostly an addiction really but do you ever see the little shop of horrors no okay sorry not even the NUMBER_TOKENs movie with the plant that eight people okay it's this plant that eats people yeah it's a musical and it's also a movie from the NUMBER_TOKENs and uh was it the looks of horror is the movie in the NUMBER_TOKENs too yeah and the plant eats this little plant and it needs blood to survive and it becomes this huge plant that eats people oh god and if you go in the room by yourself with the plant it manipulates you in and eats you no matter what wow it sucks you into the plant right you humans can't withstand its force unless somebody else is there pulling you out right another person can keep you out it's a perfect model for addiction and codependency but it's but it's a it's even i've not really thought about it this way it's also a model for other boundary issues because the boundaries you just you it's you guys are too close in mesh you have your fittedness that works and that has some holes in it you just yeah you're going in emotionally and you you've said it multiple times today around i want to help yeah i want to make it stop i feel helpless yeah helplessness for you is back to trauma yeah so it's a horrible feeling for you so you want it to stop stop stop so so there you go yeah and so it's really not it's not him it's your helplessness right right you want to stop okay well that's very smart and that's codependency it's when it's when it's your pain your feelings that are being invoked by another person which you have to you experience it as consciously he's suffering i want to make him stop what's really going on is his suffering is triggering my helplessness i need that to stop got it that makes so much sense so yes so then when that happens again i have to recognize that it's triggering my health your helplessness you got it you got to separate your feelings from his his feelings is catastrophe the world's coming to
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