the betrayal the resentment the wasted time and the wasted energy and when we see people this is what it comes down to we can't save people who don't want to be saved i mean the the reality of it is that people aren't pulled gravitationally and subconsciously towards things that are healthy and productive and that even just make them happy they are pulled towards the familiar and for many many people that's chaos and toxicity and drama and bitterness and spite i mean i read something online the other day it was like if you could see someone's childhood environment their behavior would make sense to you the way they're acting now would make sense and it's like that's that's true if you could watch their dad come home drunk every like their behavior would make sense but we can't but all we can do is assume that there is something driving this current behavior that we can't see or understand but that is this is the important part unfamiliar and not comforting to us unless of course it is this is the icky secret with codependency and we talked before about people people don't date people who make them happy people date people who remind them of their most difficult parent so if you are like plugging into someone super PROFANITY_TOKEN hard ask yourself like how is this dynamic familiar who do i have to save when has that been priorly demonstrated in my in my home life right i'm codependent because when i was growing up my mother and my grandmother fought like cats and dogs they just did not get along there i loved them both i mean tremendously and i was similar to both of them but they were not similar to each other you know and a lot of moms and daughters are like that it's really tough they're both wonderful people but oil and water and so i was constantly playing peacemaker constantly i mean shucking and jiving i was the joker i was ah if i can't play peacemaker i'm gonna put on a little show everyone's laughing right so i'm like panicky and anxious socially because everyone has to be having a good time so i tend to gravitate towards people who need fixing psychological amelioration problem solving right look what i do for a living it all comes back to what's familiar how do we break this pattern well for one like i said step back and acknowledge it doesn't work you can't fix someone who doesn't want to be fixed can you even change someone's favorite color you can make a case why orange is the only color they should wear for the rest of their life you know not not many people are good in orange and at the end of the day they're like i just don't like orange and until they find an orange outfit they're like PROFANITY_TOKEN yeah i want to wear that dress you are you are screaming into a void and that is literally just a color that's not their sobriety communication ambition cheating ability none of that it is a a surface thing and you can't even change that another thing and i this is going to sound really like gloomy and dire you can't save everyone i say this on the channel a lot like you know when people like chirp me in the comments and someone one of you guys like claps back at them it's like this video is over your head like you just need
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