really understand especially with drugs like you sit there and you're like when am i going to get off these things how much longer am i going to do this for and you're like you know what i'm not even going to quit because i can't even imagine being without that stuff let me tell you something when i always said that to myself like when i say that to myself that's a motivating sentence for a guy like me like i'm like you know what man it's time i PROFANITY_TOKEN clean up this drug like and that and i've done that listen i did it with the PROFANITY_TOKEN valium in NUMBER_TOKEN i did it with the PROFANITY_TOKEN coke i did it with the PROFANITY_TOKEN reefer when i went to prison you know you have to stop you have to just stop but in the back of your mind you're like i can never do that and that's the same thing about life i don't know what that correlation is that we think of something like stand up i remember being in NUMBER_TOKEN and being in my little PROFANITY_TOKEN rocky apartment in uh boulder with PROFANITY_TOKEN fat tire and i had a lettuce in my refrigerator you know being broke and watching guys like bill hicks watching all these PROFANITY_TOKEN comics and going like to myself like even though all day i've been pumping myself up to myself just going i don't know why you're doing this you're never gonna PROFANITY_TOKEN do anything with your life i got so sick of hearing that from myself that those when i would put myself down i would motivate myself it would motivate me to PROFANITY_TOKEN go you know what that's a shitty sentence to say to yourself that i can never i don't think i could ever PROFANITY_TOKEN accomplish that that is the shittiest thing you could say to yourself because either you go to sleep when you say that to yourself you're usually thinking about that at night when you had a bad day you're like maybe i'll just go to sleep whatever or you PROFANITY_TOKEN go you know what look what i just said that's my mindset i gotta switch my PROFANITY_TOKEN mindset that's what it is half the PROFANITY_TOKEN time hey listen i was lost in march guys i was lost i i know i did the podcast i know it was a it was a rough podcast to listen to i knew those days were hard and i thank you for staying or i thank you for leaving i would have left myself but i'm happy that it happened to show you guys that i could PROFANITY_TOKEN i could get out of any PROFANITY_TOKEN dilemma just give me a day to think about how i can get a dilemma and i'm the king of that PROFANITY_TOKEN i'm like a fixer in my own PROFANITY_TOKEN head in march when i found out you know i didn't know what was going on i just knew i didn't feel PROFANITY_TOKEN good i knew i had been to the hospital a couple times i knew something was going on with my body so i never cop to the i didn't think it was the xanax i never thought it could be the PROFANITY_TOKEN xanax i didn't know what was giving me anxiety so right away i thought i had a mental health issue that sucks when you sit there and go i got a mental health issue that sucks
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