i would be in a bathroom with somebody snorting cocaine two weeks sober being like you gotta come to a meeting with me and then like try your cocaine please bring the yeah i need something it's fine if you bring it it's fine you know but i wouldn't even i wouldn't even be touching it i would just be there like it's important for me to be here right now having no idea how i was deluding myself as an actual addict by being that close to a situation that was like could have just ruined everything that i had worked for i think but though but to me that is so um that is so rad number one that you're of course able to see that but the you know number one drug it's like you know what they say about al-anon you know al-anon are basically all of the behaviors the self-medicating behaviors that were available to you before drugs and alcohol were right so that's why they say al-anon is because we're also the superiors uh the graduate program because it's like after you stop using your substance yeah then you have to go okay what made me start using that substance in the first place and what behaviors was i doing before i was introduced to drugs and alcohol i was probably trying to please my mom i was organizing my room i was over achieving i was trying to control people i was tearing heads off my barbies or whatever i was doing so it makes sense that usually right after someone stops using their substance of choice which is the thing that anesthetize them now it's like i need to fix other people i need to help other people because we don't have self-esteem of our own we essentially build our self-esteem based on how useful we are to other people right which is all bullshit and none of it's real you're not really useful to other adults if you're trying to solve their problem you're just not giving them the dignity of their own experience and you're micromanaging them but it's the same it's whack-a-mole yeah you got sober from one thing it's like okay now i need to fix everybody right it's like um one of the most valuable things that i learned after getting sober and doing like other NUMBER_TOKEN-step programs was just going oh nobody needs me like nobody actually needs me and they need you to leave them alone so they can learn to solve their own problems yeah they're adults and like the only people that really need you are children and and anybody even them anybody who even acts like they do need you is a huge trap like a huge red flag which we're going to get into but i do love the idea that pedophiles are like no this kid just needs me right yeah even that kid doesn't need you yeah that kid needs its own parent and to learn consequences and to maybe get lost and have that like don't even get involved yeah any i am so because i want to ask you when you got um when you got sober you were very young i was yeah yeah i was i was in my early NUMBER_TOKENs what was the um sort of moment you were like this is no longer serving me this isn't fun anymore it's no longer so anti-climactic love it really it was just so climactic
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