three jobs depending on what year it was and i was stressed out of my mind i started making youtube videos as a way to unwind and de-stress and something that i would do kind of as a hobby i never expected it to become what it is now and i never expected it to go anywhere it was something i did for stress relief the fact is that because of youtube i was able to make a life for myself a life where i am no longer sleeping in public with my car i'm no longer worried about getting kicked out of parking lots by cops and men following me to my car and jacking off on the window which yes did happen and yes still stresses me the PROFANITY_TOKEN out fun fact my doctor told me that a lot of formerly homeless people deal with ptsd afterwards and my stress streams are definite indicator of that so uh that's really fun really love that for me and let's not mention that it was by choice because the only alternative was putting up with her parents having boundaries and honestly you'd think me being homeless now would make me empathize with her but it actually just makes me hate her more because she had the option of living at home and obeying her parents but instead chose to live in a van that's not being thrust into homelessness against her choice that's just stubbornness that's living the hashtag van life before it was trendy i have no vehicle and i'm so far from home i'm sure i can never get back so uh you know as a fellow hobo my empathy is where my PROFANITY_TOKEN are at sea level anyway after she's basically recapped the last minute of toby's video for us she decides to say that if you want her to stop slandering people you want her to be a sad miserable hobo and suffer forever there's this idea that when i made my videos beforehand i was super happy and i was going through all of this and all this stuff i was not in a good place physically or mentally and just because i used to do something that made you guys happy it wasn't something that fueled me the same way it fueled you and i hope you guys can understand that if you like my older videos thank you i mean it thank you it means the world to me that the art i made in that time frame means a lot to you because it means a lot to me however i do not and do not want to go back to the person i was when i made those videos because i was having panic attacks every night in my car hurting myself and there's so much more that i i can't i can't go back to that person and i just wanted to say that right now because in this video which isn't wrong by the way i'm not trying to do anything like in this video there are a couple of times where toby says that they liked how i used to be and they like the older content that i made and that i should go back to doing that and the issue is that i don't i don't like it and i just want to say that now that i'm not going to be going back to that because i'm not that same person and if that's what you guys want me to do i am so sorry but i can't
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