Thread: In Search Of One Man [Defiant x Temptationist]

Age 97 Organization Former Howling Commando Ex-Hydra Current location Puhja, Estonia Species Human enhanced with bionic arm Confusion. Anger. Fear. Loss. Sadness. His life had been so simple until that man from his past had broke something open in his brain. Something like a wall which had been built up to keep things simple. But that wall which kept things simple was what made him angry. And sad. But that wall, it kept all those emotions away. And then he'd wish it'd come back. And then he felt the fear. Fear of that wall, keeping him from being who he was and then he wondered who he could have been and he felt everything. Going from feeling nothing to everything was almost too much so he did what he'd been trained to do. He gave himself missions and with every Hydra agent he ended, he felt less angry for a time. But it always came back, the emotions he didn't know how to handle and he'd remember another Hydra base. And he'd go and kill and he'd be okay and then the flood of emotions. It was a vicious cycle and one he was currently trapped in and had no idea how to get out of it. It had been months since the events at SHIELD headquarters and his memories were still so jumbled they didn't tie in with each other. Scents, sights, sounds, pictures and random people brought back random memories. But he couldn't make sense of them. He knew who he was. He knew what his name was supposed to be and he thought once he knew who he had been, things would fall into place. Of course it wasn't that simple. February was cold in Estonia but he liked it. The cold was nerve wracking as it brought back memories of being frozen and in the cryochamber. But for now it kept people inside and he didn't stand out being bundled up, his mouth covered and gloves covering his hands. There were no Hydra bases nearby. He'd fallen off the map. He didn't want to continue down that road anymore. It helped for a time but he'd seen enough death and violence to last him more than a lifetime. He'd shown up with a handful of blood money he'd taken from Hydra and the elderly woman who he'd given 10,000.00 to had asked no questions nor required any paperwork when she handed him a set of keys for an apartment on the top floor. It had a bed, shower, heat, fridge and stove. He didn't need anything else. Nobody bothered him. Nobody expected anything of him. He was free to suffer through his nightmares and memories without prying eyes or judgement. Sometimes he wanted someone to be there with him, he'd remembered the blonde man before he was big. They'd lived together for a bit, been close friends. And someone Bucky could talk to and trust. It was tempting to try and seek him out but he wasn't ready, he didn't need someone who knew him with certain expectations of who he'd been and what he should be. He'd been in Estonia for about three weeks. Things had been calm but after arriving back to the apartment something felt off. Different. The air was different. Someone was in there. He unlocked the door as casually as he always would and pushed it open, he reached over and flicked the lights on, his eyes scanned the room as he shut the door behind himself then walked deeper into the small apartment and grabbed the gun he'd hidden in a jacket hanging just off the main entrance. He cocked the gun, the sound echoing through the room. Im done with Hydra. If you're with them then walk out and that'll be that, he leaned against the wall, there was nothing but a wall and table behind him, no place for anyone to hide.