Thread: What WriteMood is Writing

I apologize to all of my RP partners... I think I'll be taking a hiatus from Blue Moon for a bit. I feel it is best I be frank and so I shall. Thursday night I OD'd on Nyquil with the intentions of killing myself. You see, I've had a rough past two years. Between the miscarriage that started in May and is still going on and has turned into Gestational Trophoblastic Disease basically, the cells that make up the placenta act cancerous and can turn into cancer, my mother passing unexpectedly a little over a year ago, a bad car wreck that has affected my short term memory, my husbands constant lying about various things, and several other things... Finding out he'd been cheating on me was a blow I couldn't handle. Back on August 19th, he came home to tell me he wanted a divorce even though we weren't fighting or doing bad. Come to find out, he asked for it because a woman told him to. A woman, I discovered Thursday, he met here on Blue Moon when he created an account behind my back. Though their relationship wasn't of a sexual nature, it was still emotionally involved enough that I still consider it cheating. I found out that he made me out to be this horrible person jealous, controlling, emotionally unstable. You're damn right I'm emotional unstable currently, who wouldn't be with all the shit that is going on. Jealous? He's cheated on me before so I'm highly suspicious and can be considered jealous, but I don't forbid him from speaking to females period. Controlling? How can I control a man who is often never home and completely unreachable? Since the 19th he swears he wants to save our marriage. I'll admit, I'm a vortex of conflicting emotions. I love my husband, despite the mean things he said about me He even told this other woman that he liked talking to her more than me. I hate him for the things he's done. I doubt, after this, I'll ever be able to trust him again. I spent time in the hospital and a Psych ward because of all of this. I didn't try to die simply because my husband cheated on me. I tried because him cheating was the last straw in a long line of horrendous situations. I mean, I'd just found out last Tuesday that I might have cancer, but they can't risk checking because any surgery at this time will cause me to hemorrhage. I don't know if there is any forgiveness in me for my husband or the woman. She knew he was married and yet she had no issues with undermining the marriage. Trust me, I'm angrier at him than her, but still... I guess I'm writing this as a plea and a warning to others on here who are married or dealing with someone who is married. If you don't know the couple personally, DON'T EVER tell them to divorce. You don't know both sides of the story. DON'T EVER take the conversations to such a personal level that it can be considered emotional cheating. I understand people need friends, but their is a difference between a friend who is there for you and people who are involving themselves in a mental relationship that violates their vows. If you are married, please, please, please... Some of us can't take anymore. What you are doing if you are doing wrong could, honestly, destroy the person you love...And you won't realize it until they are in the ER and you are begging them to fight for their own life. I don't remember much from the ER. I do have a fuzzy memory that my husband was holding my hand, crying and begging me not to die. Begging me to give him the time to prove that he'd never betray me again. Telling me that he didn't realize how great the wrong was he'd committed until he faced a future without me. Just because it is online doesn't mean it isn't real, people. Its just as devastating and just as much of a betrayal.