Thread: A Writer's Rambling and Break from Reality

You never know what you've got until it's gone... WARNING While I don't intend this to be a very long, or very detailed rant... it has the possibility to be because it is still an open wound. Last time I took an unannounced sabbatical, it had been because of a nice paying job landing in my lap. I was under a ninety day deadline to get out a few chapters that expanded on a vague idea. As any Freelancer will probably know, it can be very difficult. You write, you edit, you show, they tell you what to tweak and on occasion one seemingly tiny change derails what you had planned if you got the contract. So I made a brief come back, only to find out about a week later that I was pregnant. Still very early on and the way I found out wasn't pleasant. I can usually drink someone twice my size under the table, but after a few shots, I was making my offerings to the porcelain god. Then I got rear ended thanks to idiot drivers. Someone got too close to me at a red light, someone bitch on her phone didn't see the red light and hit them hard enough to push the car into me and make my airbag pop out. You'd think that something meant to keep you from getting hurt... wouldn't have the opposite effect. My head hit the side window and it was bleeding. So I had to go to the hospital. I told them I was on a controlled seizure medication and whenever I go to any doctor, they always check your blood and urine levels because it is hell on liver and kidneys. I have shit for veins, so they had to go through my wrist and stabbed a nerve. Temporary carpal tunnel in my right hand. Then they came back with the news. I didn't know how to feel. I never really wanted to have kids and was told pretty early on that the chances of me ever getting pregnant were low what with my crazy shaped insides bicornuate uterus so it's shaped like a heart rather than a pear and constantly getting fibroids. I was only four weeks along. I'd been on depo for years and got used to not having a period. I can't even remember the last time I had one. They gave the news happily and didn't understand why I was crying. I don't see myself as a motherly figure. I'm a spoiled brat myself so dealing with another is like... well, let's just say I like being an aunt. I can give them back and deal with them when I want to. My long time boyfriend had second thoughts about me RPing on here and honestly, so did I. It felt weird. I mean, he watches his porn and I type mine out. We're both cool with it. Add a little alien in your body to the mix and things start to get weird. Because I was high risk, I had to go to a local OB until they could work me in to see a specialist. I live in a small as shit town and I wasn't keen on giving birth at a hospital that stabbed me through the vein trying to draw blood. Anyways, the first OB told me everything was fine. The blood flow was great. The position was fine. I got to hear it's heartbeat and even got a little picture. It looked like a peanut so that is what I started calling my alien. Two more weeks of pure hell. It was beyond the worst morning sickness I had heard about. The local OB told me it was because they had to scale back my seizure medicine and put me on something that was less damaging for the baby. Add in all the new horomones coursing through my system. I had started bleeding by that point. Leaving out the icky details, they told me some spotting was natural. Implantation bleeding was old blood. Still I knew something wasn't right so I called the better OB an hour away and they were freaked out and brought me in immediately. Turned out, the local OB didn't know shit. Peanut wasn't in the right position. It was stuck in the lower part of my tube. The blood was from where the tube had tearing behind the still growing embryo. So it was essentially being blocked by Peanut. There was nothing they could do. I had to have an emergency tubal ligation or risk more internal bleeding should it completely rupture. I had actually grown attached to Peanut, more than I ever thought I could. They told me that even if I didn't need the tube removed, any ectopic pregnancy was almost destined to miscarry. I was put on bed rest for three days and after that told I could go back to my normal routine... but I don't handle sitting still very well... and apparently, my routine wasn't 'normal'. I wasn't supposed to be taking out trash and pushing around furniture. So... I'm not sure what happened, but something about the internal stitches... I went back in for post op and they put me on a shit ton of pain killers. Not going to lie and say I'm not depressed as all hell. But I don't feel like wallowing either. I need a distraction but I'm too unfocused to get back to work. I've marathoned every show I was interested in on Netflix. And I think I'm the reason my 360 broke. It just couldn't handle that much Diablo. So, here I am again...