Whitzz/544K-RP-Datasets huggingface dataset:
Thread: The "OhGodI'mSoGoingToHell" Joke Thread!

This one is so much better in person, but I got to use it yesterday and I had a crowd laughing. What's better than winning the special Olympics? ICE CREAM! You have to say it really loud, excited, and with a massive speech impediment. Closer to I-th Keem.
Thread: The "OhGodI'mSoGoingToHell" Joke Thread!

Hehehe, that's pretty good, Firm. Alright, here's one If carbon monoxide is the silent killer, then why the hell do I always have to hear about that dead family two houses over?
Thread: The "OhGodI'mSoGoingToHell" Joke Thread!

Why did Raggedy Andy break up with Raggedy Anne? He caught her sitting on Pinochio's face saying, Lie to me, lie to me.
Thread: The "OhGodI'mSoGoingToHell" Joke Thread!

Alright, this one's kinda long so bear with me..... ahem A man is at work when he receives a call from the hospital informing him that his wife's been in an accident. He rushes to the emergency room where he's met by the doctor. They sit down in the waiting room and the doctor, with a very solemn look on his face, says Sir, I have very bad news. We did all we could. Right now she's in a vegatative state, which is likely where she'll remain for the rest of her life. She can stay here overnight, but after that, you'll have to take her home because your insurance doesn't cover this type of thing. The guy slumps, just crushed. The doctor continues With the right care, which will include you feeding her five times a day, changing her soiled diapers, and tending to her needs constantly, she'll likely live for at least another 30 years. The guy sinks even lower, just crushed, and starts to cry. Doctor As I said, your insurance doesn't cover this kind of care, so you'll have to make some sort of arrangements to purchase the equipment you'll need for your wife. I would suggest you put your house on the market today and sell it as quickly as possible and buy a mobile home. You're gonna need the excess cash. It should be enough to buy the equipment your wife needs and for you to live on for the next couple of months. By then, you should be able to qualify for welfare and other forms of state and federal aid. By this point, the guy is sobbing uncontrollably. At that point, the doctor puts his hand on the man's shoulder, and says, Naaaah - I'm just fucking with you, she's dead.
Thread: The "OhGodI'mSoGoingToHell" Joke Thread!

This one is a double Whammy! Where do the black Jews go? To the back of the oven!
Thread: The "OhGodI'mSoGoingToHell" Joke Thread!

cracks knuckles I got a few. 1 There is a theory that one pedophile lives in every neighborhood. I call bullshit, I only live next to Two hot 8-year olds. 2 What's the hardest thing about seeing a child getting hit by a car? My dick. 3 So I finally lost my virginity, I know I'm a late bloomer but I need your advice. I've been seeing this girl next to my college campus, and she's really hot. We had sex and she told me it was her first time, so I expected bleeding. But there was A LOT of blood. I dismissed it the first time, but everytime we have sex she bleeds! Help me out here guys, am I doing something wrong? Should I try a new possition? Should we use a special lube? Should I wait till she turns 10? Any advice will help.
Thread: The "OhGodI'mSoGoingToHell" Joke Thread!

Alright, here's another installment from me 1 I couldnt be a cop because you have to beat people up and Im not physically cut out for that. Id just have to shoot everyone instead. 2 Im not stalking this girl I just follow her around town and then back to her house. You know, just to make sure there arent any weirdos back there waiting for her. 3 How do you start a foot race in Ethiopia? Roll a doughnut down the street 4 What's black and white and red all over? A bloodied, beaten penguin 5 Women are like cars As they get more mileage on them they become less reliable and attractive. So when one gets old and used you trade up to a newer model.
Thread: The "OhGodI'mSoGoingToHell" Joke Thread!

I saw this one and it killed me for some reason, hahaha Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You'd run away too if your name was DERRRRRRR
Thread: The "OhGodI'mSoGoingToHell" Joke Thread!

Q how do you get a jewish girls number? A you roll up her sleeve
Thread: The "OhGodI'mSoGoingToHell" Joke Thread!

What's the difference between a Ritz and a lesbian? One is a snack cracker.... ...the other is a crack snacker....
Thread: The "OhGodI'mSoGoingToHell" Joke Thread!

Whats the difference between love, true love and showing off? Spitting, swallowing and gargling.
Thread: The "OhGodI'mSoGoingToHell" Joke Thread!

1. What do you call a dead baby floating in the ocean? Bob 2. What do you call a dead baby in a blender? Dip 3. What do you do call a dead baby just before it hits the wall? Paint 4. What's better than one dead baby? Boobs 5. How do you handle the angry mother of a dead baby? Feed her some Dip.
Thread: To Love Until Death (LadyBloodyAva & Scyle)

Marriage was rumored to be a holy union between two souls that loved each other dearly. The concept was devised to give love an everlasting feeling that only ended when 'death do us part.' This feeling, that phrase disgusted Scythe . A young prince whom was slated to be forced into marriage with a one Gabriella VanGuard. Truth be told she wasn't horrible looking. In fact Scythe was quite pleased with her appearance but this was where his joys for her ended. In truth everything else he couldn't care about, even disliked it. This feeling was excruciatingly exacerbated by the fact that he would be forced to wed this woman to acquire his kingdom. This woman was to be his Queen when he would ascend to the throne. This idea did not sit well with him in the slightest. Scythe was his own man, more than capable of living his own life without the interference of his father, the current king. He spent every living moment without her, only joining his fiance when it was forced upon him. Even on the day of their wedding, today, he still chose to be as far away from her as possible. He sat in a pool, laughing as the beautiful maidens around him flirted with him, admired him, and lusted over him. They were all nude, even the groom. He didn't know where his wife-to-be was, he didn't care. Until he had to be there, he wouldn't be. Instead he delightfully chose to spend his time amongst the company of these angelic harlots in a pool several miles from where he was supposed to be. Too much he preferred this, their hands touching him like he were purely perfection. Their laughs came lustfully, the four girls licking their lips as they played with Scythe and whispered into his ear the things they were to do to him. Mmm, I would definitely like that, he answered to one of them. His voice was quite fitting for his attitude and body. It was deep and threatening, but also cold and malicious. It had just the air of 'I don't care about you, you are my toy. You will give me what I want or I shall make your life a living hell.' Was the young man spoiled? He of course didn't think so but perhaps the King was just a tad bit too generous and easy on him. More truthfully though Scythe just had a superiority complex. He was the kingdom's finest swordsman, finest archer, best horse rider, chess champion to name a few. The man stopped at nothing to be the best and in addition felt he was better than everyone else. This thought caused him to be so angry to be tied down by one woman. His seed was too good for one, he needed several. No one woman could sate his lust and tame this wild beast... Right?
Thread: To Love Until Death (LadyBloodyAva & Scyle)

Taming the Beast The girls' bodies became much more intimate with Scythe's. Their lips met his pale body, causing his back to arch and a very lustful sigh to come from his lips as he looked to one of them and pressed his lips to hers. Softly her teeth trapped his lower lip and smiled, causing Scythe to respond with a smile of his own before pressing his lips more into hers. The man's lust was an inextinguishable, wild fire. He could take any girl to bed and out match her in desire, able to pump several orgasms into her until she was begging him to pull from him. Did he ever listen though? Hardly. Women were objects that were made to bare children and seeings how Scythe did not wish to bare any offspring, that meant only one thing They were there for his dick. The women's kisses traveled down his body and one dared under the water, causing Scythe to smile in anticipation of what was to happen next. Finally some relief to this dreaded day. Her lips were so close to the head, so close to giving him what he wanted but not before the head of the knights burst through the door, startling everyone but Scythe. All the girls turned towards him and the one burst from the water, coughing from sucking in some of the water out of a gasp. All eyes were in shock, except of course for the Prince's. His face held an utter disdain as he rose from the water, erection still thick and long. Out of embarrassment the knight commander turned away until the prince was dried off and fully dressed. Prince your wedding day is upon us! What in the good gods' names are you doing here?! He asked excitedly as Scythe scoffed, walking past the commander and out the door. I was living, he responded in an aggravated voice before heading to the stables. Their trip took only twenty minutes and as they arrived to the chapel he slowly dismounted, leading his prized steed to the stable master. Let's get this over with, he sighed and pushing the door open to the ceremony. All eyes were on him as he strut down the aisle, seeing his beautiful bride to be. She was the reason he wasn't cock deep in a host of sluts and she would have to make up for that. He did look forward to one thing and that was getting her in bed. Sure, being tied down by her was a thought that pissed him off to no end but at least she was extremely appealing. He found his place across from her, looking down to her with a pleasant smile. Sure he was late and he knew she didn't want this anymore than he did but Scythe was not a fool. He could salvage this by playing nice and getting her in bed. Better than nothing that's for sure. Ah, the Prince! The minister called out, nodding to the couple. His bright blue eyes never left her for a moment, neither did the sarcastic smile on his face. He was also quite interested in the flesh she showed. A good, no, great set of breasts on this one. Oh yeah, she might be worth replacing the sluts for a minute. That is if her sex was anywhere near as good as her body.
Thread: To Love Until Death (LadyBloodyAva & Scyle)

Gabriella heard the door open behind her with a generous amount of force and her disappointed sigh escaped her lips. The priest confirmed her fears and her dear fiance had bothered to show his ugly face. her exterior was calm, but on the inside she was turmoil of chaotic emotions. Her heart lodged itself in her throat in the worst of ways. This was the beginning of the end. Though handsome, that did not make up for his careless actions and an ego that made her marvel how it even fit his head. Eve his smile made her sick. She had heard enough of him to know his ways. He would learn rather quick that she was more that just a pretty face, and no where near a damsel in distress or a whore. Father... A sweet voice caught him before he could start the lengthy and tedious ceremony. Please... if you can make this short, I feel ill and may need to rest soon. A hand pressed to her chest, just above her heart as lovely green eyes looked at the official with a pleading smile. Tied to her soon to be husband, she was already going to hell, so lying through her teeth was nothing. She could only hope that Father would oblige her request. They were to hold hands during this ceremony and she showed great reluctance in that simple act. Like he was made of a sickening plague, she did not wish to catch. No smile dawned her face, but she did not frown. A fan of lashes lowered and her nerves settled. He was a strong man, there was no doubt about that. Some where in his hair, there had to be horns. Nothing ever came from see the negativity in everything. It was the start of something new. The priest's voice was not completely registering until everything suddenly went silent and her eyes looked to the man draped in the robes. He had asked her... if she would take him... as her husband. I do. Yet another lie. A kiss was soon to come, and never before did she ever expect to dread kissing her husband. Perhaps he was not only pompous and arrogant, but a fool as well. Who would want to kiss someone ill? For the first time since her entered she looked him in the eyes. Still no smile.
Thread: To Love Until Death (LadyBloodyAva & Scyle)

I Hope Death Comes Sooner Rather Than Later if it do Us Part Scythe may have been pompous, may have been arrogant, his ego might have been too inflated, his confidence a little too powerful but Scythe was no fool. He knew that she acted ill to get out of kissing him and if there were anything the new couple agreed on it was that neither of them wanted to be in this marriage. Scythe only very gingerly took her hands into his and didn't even look her in the eyes. Rather he focused on a magnificent pair of breasts before him, preacher droning on and on and all he focused on were a pair of very playful tits. Finally when came time Scythe's beautiful blue eyes stared with disgust into his wife's eyes while his mouth opened to give way to the most arrogant, disgustingly rude comment he could ever make to his wife I do. The preacher finished his ceremonies as the ring bearer approached with the sacred pillow carrying the sacred metal. Scythe took the appropriate one and placed it on his newly made wife's left hand. A golden band to signify love and unity. There's were closer to hate and separation. He couldn't wait for this to be over so that maybe this day could be salvaged with the woman. Hopefully she were a lot more receptive in bed and was smart enough to at least bed after all this to fuck away all the negativity of this shitty union.
Thread: To Love Until Death (LadyBloodyAva & Scyle)

Her heart could not have sunk any lower at the words that left his lips. he held the look of man who took what he wanted. She saw it in his eyes. What she had... she was sure he would not want, just as she did not want him. What she had, what she was, could humiliate her. Did the King even know? The heart beneath her bosom raced at a pace, that it almost pained her. She took the ring left upon the pillow and soft hand placed the gold band upon the finger to which it was to go. Her thoughts running beneath her cool visage. The consummation would be her undoing. Her free hand clenched at the lower half of her gown causing her knuckles to go stark white. Father David looked at the bride and mistook fright and silent panic for the illness that she had spoken of. Hurrying along with his words and even cutting out a few verses. You may now kiss the bride and I declare you both husband and wife. He was tempting and the hopeful romantic within wished it so, but this was not a fairy tale, nor was he the prince charming she had hoped for. Her attempt to salvage this unwanted relationship had burned up before they could even get pass the ceremony, just because of how she was born. If he did not wish to kiss her, then she certainly had no objections to that, but in the end he would have the final decision. He had shown up, had he not? Might as well continue on with the traditions no? She braced herself. Green orbs looking at anything other than his face. The audience of nobles clapping with feigned smiles upon their faces. Everyone knew. The odd of this marriage crashing and burning and turning out to be an utter failure seemed pretty high, yet many hung onto the hope that Gabriella could save their future king. Because that was not pressure on her shoulders at all.
Thread: To Love Until Death (LadyBloodyAva & Scyle)

Out Of The Heaven and Into the Hell Scythe was not interested in kissing his new wife in front of this tremendous crowd of royalty and peasants but if he didn't do something then he would lovingly get a talk from his boring father and that was always so dull and tedious. Never threatening, never challenging just... Worthless. He bent down to her alluring figure and neared his lips to hers. She was pale and shaking. This wasn't illness, this was panic. Such a nervous little thing. She'd be a good bitch for him to fuck if she didn't prove any power. A good little wife to cook, clean, and fuck when he desired. Perhaps this would not be as bad as he thought. His lips pushed against her cheek lightly, planting a wonderful poisonous emotion on her cheek. His lust was a scary thing for a man with ambition if Scythe didn't get what he wanted then things would get bad... Very bad. The giant figure turned back to the crowd and watched them erupt with cheer. A lovely little lie crossed his lips, a sly smile to fool the idiots into thinking exactly what he wanted. A skill he honed early in life and perfected in adulthood. Yes Scythe would be a great King when the ceremony to ascend the throne finished. To marry was the first and most important step. After the honeymoon, it would be time to give the Prince his rightful kingdom. First things first, getting the fuck out of this goddamned church. Scythe took his wife arm in arm and sped the two of them down the aisle. The church was quite vast so naturally the walk took a small amount of time but as they met the doors they were graciously opened for them. Everyone followed the couple out to the carriage, Scythe opening the door and allowing his wife to enter first before he rushed in, closing the door and demanding the driver to ride off with haste. Ah, he sighed in relief, staring across from the carriage to his new wife. So... Are we to make this a horrible union or are you smart enough to at least make this fun? Fun was a very subjective word. If she were smart she would know -exactly- what he meant. His crystal blue eyes wandered her extremely curvy body and he was left to wonder if she were good with it. If not, he could teach her. As bastardish as he was, Scythe held the regret of being a womanizer. He was always slightly jealous of the men with their lovers but Scythe had never loved. No one woman could ever keep his attention. If she could at least please his body well... It was a step. A step down a very long road.
Thread: To Love Until Death (LadyBloodyAva & Scyle)

The kiss upon her cheek felt lethal, all on its own. No, he would not get the best of her. Cheers and praise erupted in the church as prince and prince were both united as husband and wife. Their future rulers. She could sense it. He was one for the appearance before his subject but within privacy he was probably a whole new specimen of a man. The marriage was to be consummated and then the coronation would be planned out for the two of them. Power was a lethal drug indeed. One she never really cared for. It was for the people and not for the luxury, in the end. What was a ruler without their subjects? The haste at which her husband took to getting to the carriage was noticeable to her. Flower petals were thrown into the air as they walked back down the aisle and approached the door, which were opened and they were greeted with a lovely carriage. Gabriella dawned a smile for the people as she was escorted into the carriage, but none other than her husband himself. The door had no sooner closed and the driver sped off. Green eyes stared outside of the porthole window of the carriage. To get to the castle they had to go through the village. The roads lined with villagers cheering from the sides as the carriage sped by. She heard his words, but did not spare him a glance. I am smart enough to do my duty, whether it is fun for you is your choice, no? She retorted. His shift to a whole new visage was no surprise to her. No matter how big of a pig you are Scythe, I am your wife and I will do as I am suppose to as your wife. You will have what you desire in due time. I will keep my half of the vow, and you... well do as you wish. She sighed, this was going to be a hellish time. However, she meant every word. She would be his wife and make him happy, bring him heirs, and do as a wife was to do. She would love him unconditionally, or try her hardest, because in the end... she was to die dawning his last name. She held no happiness for the moment soon to come, but in the end it was inevitable. The marriage would be consummated and she would finally be able to sleep and , for that blissfully ignorant few hours, be able to forget about this day. If she was given the privilege to. He would find out, one way or another, perhaps he would not care to lay a finger upon her when he discovered his wife's uniqueness. She had never felt more... flaccid... in her life. Then again, could anyone blame her. While he was handsome and his name held wealth, neither of that mattered to her.
Thread: lonely schoolgirl

RE is this too cliche? Cliche or not, i'm always up for some fun. I have a good idea that might involve your tattoos if you're interested. Hit me up on yahoo - camp8inch.
Thread: Not Far Behind (Snape & Angel216)

Travis was called into the office early in the morning, there had been a break in a case he was working on. The suspect was found to be a woman and she robbed banks, she also kidnapped the higher up executives and held them for ransom but when she got paid the money she would kill them anyway. When he got to the station the chief of police had sat him down and briefed him on the break in the case. He was instructed to follow a woman they had suspected it to be, he was to follow but not engage until he was sure she was the person they were looking for. After he was given these instructions he was sent out to start the job, he drove to the bank that was marked to be next according to a pattern that had developed while the police followed the case, Travis just hoped they were right about the bank and that the suspect would be there. Travis made his way into the bank and pretended to look through some of the offer flyers they had on a table he kept alert and made sure he was able to see every entrance to the bank so hed notice everyone that walked in or out of the place.
Thread: Not Far Behind (Snape & Angel216)

Rebecca smirked as she perched upon a window sill overlooking a street that the bank was on. She was dressed in all black and had wavy red hair. She leaned forward, smirking as she saw the police, those fools they'll never catch me. She muttered outloud as she slipped back into the hotel room. This was going to be a piece of cake, she strapped a Desert on her waist just in case and she walked down out the back door. She slipped easily into the shadows as she made her way towards the Bank. She paused, as she moved the gun to behind her waist, tucking it into her waist and concealing it. She pushed open the door as she walked in and up to the counter, she knew what game to play and who to flirt with. She leaned over the counter towards the clerk as she murmured, while walking her fingers across the counter. So who would I talk to to make a withdrawal. She purred out as her hazel green eyes locked on him and her other hand flipped her long red hair behind her shoulder.
Thread: Not Far Behind (Snape & Angel216)

When the red haired woman walked in Travis' eyes followed her, she definitely fit the description of the suspect. He kept his eyes on the pamphlet he had in his hand or so it seemed Travis had great peripheral vision and even though it seemed as if he was interested in the pamphlet he had a watch on the red haired woman. Travis listened as she talked to the bank teller and when she asked about a loan a red flag went up and his ears opened listening in on the conversation intently.