Thread: In search of critics and editors

RedRose said Hey! People are generally here as a hobby, and some are quite busy irl You would probably do better asking for beta readers on websites specializing in it, and hiring an even cheap editor... Click to expand... OWO-1 Not sure exactly what... OWO-1 is suddenly cut in half in mid-sentence. RUNE gives NUTE a worried look. NUTE What in blazes is going on down there? RUNE Have you ever encountered a Jedi Knight before, sir? NUTE Well, not exactly, but I don't...panicked Seal off the bridge. RUNE That won't be enough, sir. The doors to the bridge SLAM shut. NUTE I want destroyer droids up here at once!!! RUNE We will not survive this. INT. FEDERATION BATTLESHIP - HALLWAY - OUTSIDE BRIDGE QUI-GON cuts several BATTLE DROIDS in half, creating a shower of sparks and metal parts. OBI-WAN raises his hand, sending several BATTLE DROIDS crashing into the wall. QUI-GON makes his way to the bridge door and begins to cut through it. INT. FEDERATION BATTLESHIP - BRIDGE The CREW is very nervous as sparks start flying around the bridge door. QUI-GON and OBI-WAN are on the view screen. NUTE Close the blast doors!!! The huge, very thick blast door slams shut, followed by a second door, then a third. There is a hissing sound as the huge doors seal shut. QUI-GON tabs the door with his sword. The screen goes black as a red spot appears in the center of the blast door. RUNE ...They're still coming through! On the door, chunks of molten metal begin to drop away. NUTE Impossible!! This is impossible!! RUNE Where are those destroyer droids?! INT. FEDERATION BATTLESHIP - HALLWAY - OUTSIDE BRIDGE Ten ugly destroyer WHEEL DROIDS roll down the hallway at full speed. Just before they get to the bridge area, they stop and transform into their battle configuration. QUI-GON can't see them but senses their presence. QUI-GON Destroyer droids! OBI-WAN Offhand, I'd say this mission is past the negotiaion stage. The WHEEL DROIDS, led by P-59, rush the entry area from three hallways, blasting away with their laser guns. They stop firing and stand in a semi-circle as the smoke clears. OBI-WAN and QUI-GON are nowhere to be seen. P-59 Switch to bio...There they are! The Jedi materialize at the far end of the hallway and dash through the doorway that slams shut. The WHEEL DROIDS blast away at the two JEDI with their laser swords. OBI-WAN They have shield generators! QUI-GON It's a standoff! Let's go! INT. FEDERATION BATTLESHIP - BRIDGE NUTE and RUNE stand on the bridge, watching the view screen as the WHEEL DROIDS' POV speeds to the doorway. RUNE We have them on the run, sir...they're no match for destroyer droids. TEY HOW Sir, they've gone up the ventilation shaft. INT. FEDERATION BATTLESHIP - MAIN BAY QUI-GON and OBI-WAN appear at a large vent in a giant hanger bay. They are careful not to be seen. Thousands of BATTLE DROIDS are loading onto landing craft. QUI-GON Battle droids. OBI-WAN It's an invisible army. QUI-GON It's an odd play for the Trade Federation. We've got to warn the Naboo and contact Chancellor Valorum. Let's split up. Stow aboard separate ships and meet down on the planet. OBI-WAN You were right about one thing, Master. The negotiations were short. INT. FEDERATION BATTLESHIP - BRIDGE TEY HOW recieves a transmission. TEY HOW Sir, a transmission from the planet. RUNE It's Queen Amidala herself. NUTE At last we're getting results. On the view screen, QUEEN AMIDALA appears in her throne room. Wearing her elaborate headdress and robes, she sits, surrounded by the GOVERNING COUNCIL and FOUR HANDMAIDENS, EIRTAE, YANE, RABE, and SACHE. NUTE cont'd Again you come before me, Your highness. The Federation is pleased. AMIDALA You will not be pleased when you hear what I have to say, Viceroy...Your trade boycott of our planet has ended. NUTE smirks at RUNE. NUTE I was not aware of such a failure. AMIDALA I have word that the Senate is finally voting on this blockade of yours. NUTE I take it you know the outcome. I wonder why they bother to vote. AMIDALA Enough of this pretense, Viceroy! I'm aware the Chancellor's Ambassadors are with you now, and that you have beencommanded to reach a settlement. NUTE I know nothing about any Ambassadors...you must be mistaken. AMIDALA, surprised at his reaction, studies him carefully. AMIDALA Beware, Viceroy....the Federation is going too far this time. NUTE Your Highness, we would never do anything without the approval of the Senate. You assume too much. AMIDALA We will see. The QUEEN fades off, and the view screen goes black. RUNE She's right, the Senate will never.... NUTE It's too late now. RUNE Do you think she suspects an attack? NUTE I don't know, but we must move quickly to disrupt all communications down there. INT. NABOO PALACE - THRONE ROOM The QUEEN, EIRTAE, SACHE and her Governor, SIO BIBBLE, stand before a hologram of SENATOR PALPATINE, a thin, kindly man. PALPATINE ...How could that be true? I have assurances from the Chancellor...his Ambassaodrs did arrive. It must be the...get...negotiate... The hologram of PALPATIONE sputters and fades away. AMIDALA Senator Palpatine?!? turns to Panaka What's happening? CAPTAIN PANAKA turns to his SARGEANT CAPT. PANAKA Check the transmission generators... BIBBLE A malfunction? CAPT. PANAKA It could be the Federation jamming us. Your Highness. BIBBLE A communications disruption can only mean one thing. Invasion. AMIDALA Don't jump to conclusions, Governor. The Federation would not dare go that far. CAPT. PANAKA The Senate would revoke their trade franchise, and they'd be finished. AMIDALA We must continue to rely on negotiation. BIBBLE Negotiation? We've lost all communications!...and where atre the Chancellors Ambassadors? How can we negotiate? We must prepare to defend ourselves. CAPT. PANAKA This is a dangerous situation, Your Highness. Our security volunteers will be no match against a battle-hardened Federation army. AMIDALA I will not condone a course of action that will lead us to war. There, since you enjoy reading so much I hope this wastes more of your time than you wasted mine.