Thread: My Written Word

Hmmm.....Im not sure where to really start. What I say here I dont mind people knowing, but if we ever find ourselves in an argument, dont use anything you happen to see agianst me. I will not be happy with you. This journal is going to jump around quite a bit, I think Ill start off by describing myself, or how I see my self. Ill be honest about it, and I wont try to make myself look like something Im not. I think that if people are going to be reading my journal, its better if they know whats going on in my head, so they could better understand whatever I happen to be writing about. Well, I suppose I'll tell a bit about myself. My real name is Richie Rosario Sevillano. I'm the youngest of 6 children, all boys. My father took off when I was a baby, and My mother pretty much raised me by herself. My Auntie and Uncle helped a great deal also, they mean a lot to me. Personality wise, I could go on a lot. I don't really think like a normal person, due to various experiences I've had. I prefer to relax and be in a constant state of chill. sorry if that confused you When working or doing something I try to do everything at my best, so I only have to do it once and not redo it. That way I can relax some more. lol I tend to view the world in shades of grey. I know that even when you think your doing the right thing, there is always another darker reason behind it. I generally am a quiet guy, though I do get loud on occasion. I dont like people who are always loud, or who are rude. That's one of my pet peeves I guess. When I am with a group of people, I tend to divide my time between conversation, and observation. I could watch people talk and do things for hours. I happen to find it fascinating. When I am interested in someone, I make it a point to remember things about them, body language, habits, quirks, ect. Injustice and Cruelty offend me very much. I tend to get very emotional depending on the situation. Normally I like to be around people, and I dont tend to function well when I am by myself. I guess I cant stand being alone with my thoughts all the time, but sometimes I have to be by myself, I just get the urge to be alone, and get irritated if anyone tries to bother me. I call them my Alone Jaunts. When I get like this, the only thing you will hear from my apartment is usually music. I usually wont answer the door, unless I know for a fact that I have to anwser the door because its concerning life or death, or some thing of equal gravity. People have come to my door, knocked, and have watched me look at them through the window, then have their jaws drop in amazement when I get up and put the blinds down with out saying a word. They try to call. My phone usually gets thrown in a drawer on silent. The need to be alone just takes over. I have....I need ....to be away from the world. Away from the craziness. The chaos. The things that don't make any sort of sense. The things that keep you up at night when your alone. I cant help when it comes, or how long it lasts. I become withdrawn, passive to most things, and unable to have any type of in-depth conversation. Usually after a two days or so, it passes, and I go out and be with people to get back in the rythym of things. Also, when I say alone, I dont mean I'm always by myself. I dont mind if whoever I happen to be in a relationship is with me. Actually I prefer it. I'm still be very quiet and passive, but I guess I get very.....I cant find the right word. I wouldn't call it clingy, because I won't complain if they leave or dont want to be around, nor am I....really Physical????...I mean I don't get sexual....basically, I have whoever it is with me, and if I have my way, I'm just laying or sitting with my head on your lap or shoulder. I want your arms around me, and mine around you. I need able to smell your hair, and feel how smooth your skin is. Feel the warmth of your body, radiating through your clothes into my body. Be able to look into your eyes. Able to hear your voice. Able to look at you and take my mind off of everything that troubles me. The thing is, most women dont understand. During these jaunts, most get freaked out, and assume that she did something wrong, and will bother the fuck out of me till I get mad. I'll sometimes try to explain if I'm explaining this to you, then know that I defiantly feel something for you and your not just some fucking distraction for me, and they end up thinking that I'm feeling guilty about something, because why could I possibly want to be alone this bad, and I end up getting mad and telling them to get the fuck out. Like I said, I can get very irritable when this happens. I usually have a very serious demeanor, or so I'm told. I dont think that but than again, lol I cant stare at my own face all day. I'm rather tall, and look built. I like to think I am decent looking. I know that I'm no Brad Pitt, but at least everything looks normal, you know? I do however sometimes, find myself looking in the mirror,and wishing that I looked better, more handsome if you will. I think its funny, and at the same time, kinda pathetic. Sometimes I think I can see right through myself. Sometimes I don't like what I see. Music.....I love music. Music is one of the best things that get me out of one of my Alone Jaunts. Music is life. It encompasses all off human emotions, and all of lives situations. You could find a song for every moment in your life if you thought about it. lol Lets see, at this very moment, the song that comes to my mind is Only by Nine Inch Nails. Why you wonder??? Because at the moment I am writing about me. My head is not concerned with others, but with the act of writing down who I am. I believe that anyone who loves music has some worth to them. If your ever interested, feel free to talk music to me sometime. I'd be glad to expand my knowledge. Thats it for now.