Thread: Critique Me (gently?)

So this is something I wrote last month and I am fairly proud of it. I do feel like the first paragraph is a somewhat choppy. I feel like I need to vary my syntax, but not sure where to start with that. They went upstairs with a cautious enthusiasm. They didnt want this, they needed it. Nathen barely closed the door before Minerva was on him again, channeling all her painful emotions into pure yearning for him. Removing his armor without a moments hesitation, she revealed the scars he spoke about earlier. She kissed them delicately, planting little pecks all over his body. Sighing softly with each show of affection, Nathen ran his fingers through her short hair. He was tugging at her armor when he could, eager to feel her flesh against his and she complied with him, taking her armor and small clothes off in a single motion. She pulled him down on top of her, both falling onto the bed and each other. May I worship at your altar, Valkyrie? He whispered, moving his head down her body. My altar? she asked before she understood his meaning, ahhhh Hearing her moaning with pleasure now, he kissed the sensitive nub of her femininity. He prayed silent supplications to her and her body provided him with blessings, her outer lips gleaming with moisture. She could feel the blood flowing there, swelling her in desire. Nhnn, NathenI want you she was begging him, her back arching her further into him, her legs squeezing the sides of his head. Climbing on top of her now, he didnt need much more convincing and he aligned his hips with hers. She pulled him into a deep kiss, tasting her juices on his mouth. He melted into her slowly, gently. More tender than some might think he was capable of, though this kind treatment did not surprise Minerva. Careful not to hurt her, he let her body adjust to him as he sank into her warmth. Her soft inner walls did not resist him, instead hugging him tightly as he plunged deeper into her. Soon he had filled her with his vigor, and he began to move in her. His hips starting a slow, powerful rhythm that she matched, zealously accepting his motions. Their mouths and lips and tongues were intertwined, hungering for one another, each seeking to fill a void within their hearts. The two powerful warriors who glories could fill volumes were, in this moment, fragile, vulnerable. It is a terrifying thing, to be so open to another person, but they faced it bravely together, as they had faced such challenges in the past. Their mouth occasionally met each others, and other times she was kissing and biting his neck and chest, while he planted tantalizing kisses on her forehead and in her hair. Sometimes a passionate thrust would send her into ecstasy, leaning her head back and revealing her slender neck to his mouth and tongue, which he took advantage of to send her to new heights of fervor. Their lovemaking continued this slow yet intense pace for a while. Neither person was in a rush to reach a climax, content to enjoy one anothers bodies for the time being. They were covered in sweat and fluids, yet it just made them want each other more. She was sitting on his lap now, her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck. He was using gravity to assist his strokes, filling her up with his member time and time again. They were both close to exhaustion now, a pleasant aching coming up through their bodies. He knew he was running out of energy and self-control, so he used the last of his strength to thrust into her, as powerfully as he could muster. She reacts in kind, bouncing against him with renewed vigor, a powerful shudder running through her body. She tenses around him, digging her nails into his back, overcome by the intense sensation ringing throughout her core. Nathen felt it too, and knowing that she had been brought to satisfaction, allowed himself relief. With a final insertion that had him completely inside her, as much as possible without causing her pain, he released his seed into her. She was saturated with it, and it flowed into her willing womb. They fell on their sides, lacking the strength to separate from their sweaty embrace. Nathen was asleep before her, and looking upon him, she wondered for a brief moment if she had made some mistake, lying with him and taking no precautions against conception. Perhaps conceiving his child would not be such a bad thing. She thought sweetly as she fell into a deep slumber.