Thread: Malin's open letters (a journal)

Dear Readers It's been a while since I gave an update in this place, so I figgured I would put something here. The work program I got into doesn't start yet, and I have done my house shopping for the moment however my attention has been requested off the island, and an old friend asked me if I could come to his place for 10 days. Giving little more then an address and saying it's urgent i've been summoned back to the city. Of course there are many reasons I don't want to go, but I have been assured that this will take no longer then 10 days, and since I'm going back to the city there are a lot of loose threads I can deal with things like my bank, my ID, maybe I can even pick up a learners permit while I am there... That said this is not going to be a pleasant trip, after all that I have done to get away from the people in the city going back even if only temporary kind of feels like I lost some kind of fight. So of course this means I will not be online tomorrow. I will be taking the bus the majority of the day, as well as the two boats that take about six hours to navigate, and then I have to meet with this old friend and ask him what the hell is so wrong that he can't simply talk to me over the phone. I always tell my friends that if there is a problem I can help with I will make myself available so backing out of that would just seem wrong to me. It's funny the events of this return trip read like one of those old masters of horror episodes, or the call of cthulhu mythos where the old friend is called up out of no where to deal with some thing or problem that is far beyond this world. If one of my friends found some horror from beyond the known, and wasn't smart enough to let the sleepers lay down and have their little nap then I don't know if and when I will return. If this turns out to be something far more normal then I will likely be back Monday or Sunday depending on what needs to happen. But that is the future and I should really update the events of the past. As I said my gf got pulled into surgery three times in less then two weeks, which was a painful jarring turn of events. That said she is now home, but instead of choosing to let her body recover the full required two weeks she is already driving herself back to work and taking a university class. The university class I can understand, it's something she got into and it's a government grant that is letting her do it, she is following her dreams, and is the better for it. oddly enough all of my problems started when I became lost and no longer had a dream to chase so the fact that she found one is uplifting to me. but work is another thing. Frankly I've told her that she needs to side with the doctors on this one and that she is putting herself at risk by exhausting herself every day, but she can't stand waiting around and doing nothing. I can admire her drive, but damned if I don't think it's foolish. Aside from that my personal life seems to have leveled out for the moment. My life for all the chaos and destruction it could have been was spared the disaster and frankly harsh reality of homelessness. Oh i'm still with my family, but with my niece gone back to her mom, and a promised 10 day vacation away from these people while I deal with an old friends problems things are still looking up for me. Especially when i consider what could have happened, and how all things could have ended. That said there is something I feel like I need to address. I started this journal in a moment of crises, needing to put out what may or may not happen, but I also did that in chat, and really when I think about it. When I am in a post by post format or sending a pm I can think over what I cancan't say. When i'm in the BMR chat, or on skype those actually become much more difficult. I'm not good at talking to people in the moment as many people have brought to my attention, and it's time to acknoledge that this is the format in which I should be talking about my problems and not BMR's chat. I originally started using the thing because I felt I wanted to get more involved with site and put myself out there, but I never got past my problems i'm shy, and paranoid when dealing with people So I think that for now since I'm taking tomorrow off any way, I think I'm going to do myself a favor and stop using the chat on this site. I don't think it was doing myself any good, and frankly I was really bad at using it anyway. So if I'm not learning from my mistakes I may as well just stop doing the thing where I make the most mistakes. That said there are still some things in town that I would like to finish up, as well as some threads I need to post in. Any way that catches everyone up on my life so I think that's gonna be where I end it for now. Thank you for your time. A very tired Malin.