Thread: Dancing With Myself, and other things I shouldn't do...

She has me like a Pisces when I am weak. I've been locked inside your heart-shaped box, four whole weeks... So not much been kicking around in my head. I posted a start of a story here as I decided that I didn't want to put stories in this thread, and poetry too was a tad bit on the no side of things. Looking for a job in this economy sucks balls....and it's consuming most of my time. I don't want to bitch on anything or turn this into a political soapbox, but I am just very unhappy at the current way everything is working and I'm seriously considering getting a switchblade and hitch-hiking to Canada. Then again, with no friends, no money, and no job I doubt I would make it far in Canada even though the social view on the Queer community and women is astronomically better than anything here in the U.S. I don't know what it is about me. I seem to be always searching for greener grasses and at the same time I don't want to get up and do it. That's a special kind of stupid I think. Ugh. Probably need money to see yet another shrink for that one. Speaking of greener grasses, shoot me. Normally I don't give much into the whole love at first sight bullshit. Look where it got Romeo and Juliet, Cosmic. Horny teenagers who get married young, die young. But when I met Cee two years ago, I knew I was in trouble. Cee was the first person I met in this tiny little extremely-far-right-Jesus-is-the-lord-god-hates-fags-repent-sinner-for-your-punk-rock-music town who was, like me. Although she identified as a lesbian, she also considered herself genderless. It helped that she was a year older than me, and I will openly admit--older partners are sexier partners But in any case, over the course of a year I fell hopelessly in love, and it annoyed me to no end her constant online relationships that are fake 99 of the time or the occasional lesbian who, due to some sorry stance, had to come to our town. What annoyed me most though, was the fact that we did have something, and she just refused to acknowledge it. I had what I think call the Good guy disease. The thing where the girl of your dreams, who you know you have amazing chemistry with, refuses to act on it, or knocks you down because you are such good friends? Yeah, that. Story of my fucking life. But the thing is, in between her relationships, and mine, we were somewhat together, hanging out a lot, making out too...it was just never in name so it didn't matter but I got a call a couple days ago from her, talking about how shes back together with her ex, an evil evil bitch who should choke on her own bullshit, and how happy she is. And people wonder why I pull away. I don't know, I was one of those stupid people who believed that once I hit 18 and got out of high school that all this bullshit would stop. Sadly though, bullshit is like energy, it just changes form. But in any case, I guess I need to quit chasing after greener grass and just find some fucking miracle grow to use around here. Cause not only would it be cheaper, but well, it would probably keep my sanity a little longer than not. I've been drawn into your magnet-tar pit trap. I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn black. Nirvana, heart-Shaped-Box.