Thread: The Ascension of Handsome Jack (Pazzo x Xanapha) (Borderlands, Action Adventure)

Harold Tassiter vigorously rubbed his wrinkled hands under the warm water of his gold cast bathroom sink, and squinted at his reflection in the highly polished platinum mirror.... His glasses clung to his face cruelly, giving his already hawkish face an evil, haughty appearance... The CEO of Hyperion grumbled something under his breath as he turned off the ornate faucet, and dried his hands on a gaudy, plush crimson towel emblazoned with the Hyperion Logo on it... He tossed the towel into the trash... Harold could always have the slave labor camps on Pandora make thousands more... After all he was doing that rabble population a service, giving their lives purpose and the honor of serving his needs... Everyone should be so lucky... The Gaunt Chief Executive officer quickly whirled on his highly polished designer dress shoes, and entered his lavishly furnished office to continue his latest scheme... only to stop dead in his tracks upon the crimson rug leading to his personal restroom... There was a gorgeous woman in a dirty looking cowboy style hat, lounging in a very sexy position on his heavy mahogany desk, with her magnificent legs crossed, her back arched, thrusting her shapely chest outward as she rest upon her arms... His favorite black leather high tech backed chair was turned around, and facing away from him.. Harold's normally squinty eyes shot open, and his nostrils flared angrily... Who in the hell are you? And get off that desk now!!! SECURITY!!!! The skinny corporate man yelled at the top of his lungs... But no one came... The big leather chair suddenly spun around, and seated upon it was his second in command... Someone who should have been dead, yet sat there with a smug look on his face, about to light one of his priceless Cuban cigars, imported all the way from Terra... Harold Fumed, and took an angry step toward His Vice President Jack... Only to stop dead in his tracks again as he noticed a gorgeous red .50 caliber semi automatic pistol in Jacks hand pointed right at him... Harold didn't even have time to be scared for his life. The large bore pistol belched fire and thunder twice, and Tassiter felt both of his kneecaps shatter violently as the diamond tipped depleted uranium shells ripped through his ligaments and as if they were paper mache... White hot pain shot up his nerves to his brain, wracking him, making him convulse and cry out in anguish as he fell to the ground screaming, his blood spraying across both the Vice President and the gorgeous woman in a crimson cascade... Harold lied there, impotent and powerless there on his rug, thrashing around as his broken knees flailed around, squirting torrents of blood everywhere... Jack appeared unconcerned about his soon to be former boss, and more focused on the carefully rolled stick of aromatic tobacco in his hands... He fondled it with his finger tips for a few moments as Tassiter screamed all manner of curses at him... He ignored Harold's cries, his pearly white teeth flashing as they bit the end off of the cigar. Grinning with his high tech cybernetic mask's actuators, Jack placed it between his cybernetic lips... He quickly lit the cigar with the secondary function of his pistol, placing the end of the cigar into the flaming ruby barrel of his weapon, and took a few drags.... Only to contort his artificial face into a grotesque representation of pure disgust as Jack lept to his feet and coughed out violently.... The Vice President brought the smoldering tobacco roll up to his eyes and looked at it distastefully... Oh my god, these things taste like a 90 year old hooker's well fucked ass... Jack grumbled, and walked over angrily to the legless man whimpering on the carpet beneath him... Jack could always have that rug replaced later... As my first executive order, all of these damned things are outlawed immediately.... Jack proclaimed a matter of factly, and rubbed the smoldering red tip of the lit cigar into the forehead of Harold Tassiter, making him howl in rage... He then stuffed the extinguished cigar into the crippled CEO's mouth, muffling his annoying cries somewhat.. Jack then turned his handsome masked face to the gorgeous woman on the heavy desk... Alright dearest.... He said to her with a seductive gaze, and a smoldering edge to his rich voice... ....What say you that we break in my new desk properly? He approached her hungrily, Ignoring the flailing Harold behind him without a second thought....