Thread: The Asset - Avengers (Moon Struck Fox & Defiant)

Listening to Steve speak of Cony Island almost brought a smile to his lips. But he couldn't smile. Not when Steve was grinning at such a memory but he couldn't remember a single thing about it. He just knew there was something there. Something important. And know he knew what it was but even with Steve talking about it. Some things in detail... he didn't remember and he hated it. He hated having been through things, having lived a life but there was nothing in his mind to link him to these events. Steve's words sounded like it was him and another person. Because he should talk and Bucky should see them there. But he couldn't. He hated Hydra for taking these moments from him. And when Steve's grin fell from his face he regretted asking about this Phil Coulson but it would probably do Steve good to speak of him. The way he spoke, with such fondness made Bucky feel comfortable. It was nice to know Steve'd found friends in this time. Even though he couldn't remember much, if anything really, before the war. But there was a gnawing inside of him that drove him to want to protect Steve Rogers. Despite the man being Captain America, and having a better concoction of the serum running through his veins he still knew it was his job, no it was his duty and his obligation. Bucky nodded his head slowly, looked at Steve as he spoke. I wish I could remember these things. But I can't Steve. I just wish I could know what I'd been like. I want to remember being a good person. But all I can remember from before being the Winter Soldier was... The train and trying to grab your hand then I was falling. And then I was being dragged through the snow and my arm was missing. And then there's bits and pieces of getting the metal but that's all. That's the only bits I remember of who I was before I became this. And it's just fear and confusion and desperation, he sighed quietly, closing his eyes as shook his head as he dropped it forward and bit his bottom lip. But I know you mean something important. When we were fighting. And you were telling me who I was. I was so scared cause they were going to hurt me again. They were going to put me in the chair for remembering and I hated you so much for doing that. For making me know I wasn't just a weapon. And then... then you said you were with me till the end of the line and I knew. I knew there was no way I could actually go through with it. I'd remembered and I knew my mission was going to fail again. He lifted his blue eyes to Steve's face and searched his eyes. You were worth it. You were worth the risk of pain and the chair and being unmade again, he whispered, his hand still in Steve's gripping Steve's hand tighter as he spoke. I didn't know you but I knew I wasn't supposed to be hurting you. I knew I was meant to do the opposite even though I didn't remember who you were, he frowned and swallowed, feeling a lump in his throat as he continued on. Bucky stared at his face for a moment longer then looked away and took a few breathes to force his emotions into submission. Did you figure out how to use an MP3 player? He asked, he'd never used one before but he'd watched other agents use them. And he'd been trained to use the most modern types of computers and all types of vehicles.