Thread: Personal Journal

Listening to music at the moment. First day withot over pressing heat in a long, LONG time. Fun fact about the South. Humidity will bite you harder than a horny pitbull! Another day of blurred vision. Pain clinic decided to up my dose of Lyrica and besides the swelling and all that, you get to deal with 12 of everything! Went to see the shrink as well yesterday. Asked how I was doing with my online life since I was so closed up over real life crud. Told him the generals of this site without giving it's name. He was enthused by this. Asked how many partners I had. Told him the truth, one. She is the relaxed sort that only replies a few times max a day. She at least has a life..lol Wanted to know why I did not take on more partners. Honestly? It's because I am still broken. My creativity is all but flatlined. Confidence makes one write at a higher level as much as having a large vocab. I don't have any and don't want any at this point. That and the majority here really don't strike my fancy for one excuse or another. Most are just not literate enough. Under the assumption that smut is the crux of what men all over look for. If I wanted sex? I could just go out and get it, or hire a freakin hooker. Don't mind it if it adds elements to the story That is just natural, but to focus on it as a means of the story itself? Nah. I like it to last in real life. Hell I have made women on drugs that deaden nerves cum and continued until they lay like a heap upon the bed. Kinda hard to do that online, though I used to be pretty good at it. Now? No interest and lack of decent original plots make me not want to even try. Also told him I started Emailing a gal I met that is somewhat local. She is a strange lil bird. Older than I with a gray streak in her hair. After our initial meeting and first email she wanted to stop talking to me. Said she was afraid she might grow to have feelings for me and that's not good. Kind of the point isn't it? You want friends you feel for them! Gave me a crap line about not wanting to ruin a marriage that she has had for half her adult life.... ROFL! I had to remind her it takes two to tango and I was not after her in that way. About the only way to keep chatting with her is to keep it simple. Not going to get together with her on her farm or whatever. Just someone local to chat with about daily things in both our lives. Is that so wrong? Geez. Finally we discussed my options with my legs or what's left of them. Told him it wasn't going to happen. Gave me the crap about considering it a bit dangerous to myself to be so closed minded. Looked him dead in the eye and told him to bite my hairy ass. I mean come on.. I do not walk in others shoes so stay the hell out of mine. I have few real friends, no lover, no real family to speak of, done more in my life than a good half of those on the net itself, plus I really don't care to keep fighting every day with the pain I feel. Now back when I had people I cared for that would entice me into going on and on losing parts of myself. Now however I have the roomie and that is about it. With him it's a matter of choice at this point to stay stuck on those freakin drugs. I can put a halt on it for awhile but in the end he will do as he pleases. So I will lay back down until I get a response, or maybe take a shower and do some dishes. Who knows? Only thing on my agenda that needs be done is a bit of spot cleaning otherwise, amd that can wait. Yup. A nap sonds good. Got some work lined up for later in the week that will net me a few hundred in one sitting. That's more than enough to look forward to right?