Thread: Atrocity

Atrocity The din of the incessant shelling left my ears ringing, as I staggered through the smoke and rubble of the ruined city. Whole buildings were toppled, or they were smoking husks. Bodies were everywhere as was the stench of death combined with the screams of the wounded. What am I doing here? I shouldn't be here. I should still be in school, playing sports afterwards or chasing girls, but one fateful day that seemed like a lifetime ago, despite only having been a few months ago I made a terrible decision. Fuelled by the patriotic fervor of my schoolmaster, as he talked about how all patriotic young men should sign up I was convinced. He ranted on about our duty to the motherland, and how anyone who didn't rise to the call when his country needed him was a coward. What will you tell your children when they ask about the struggle to save the homeland from the enemy who has attacked our people? ...he paused dramatically... Will you look at your own child and tell them you were afraid? That you didn't have the courage to do what was right? . He really had us going, and when the school day ended, I walked straight down to the army center and signed up. Of course the officer there knew about my age, but he winked and patted me on the back as I signed the forms. My mother was horrified but there was no turning back. Off to training, where brutal sadistic non commissioned officers tortured us endlessly, as we convinced ourselves were big brave men, who would be heroes. Not quite. My first day in the war, I nearly froze on the spot when I heard shelling nearby. As our column moved closer to the city, I felt my knees trembling and was literally almost overcome with terror. As soon as we got to our outpost, a shell removed the head of the soldier next to me. He was a young teen like me who should have been playing ball and maybe chasing girls. His head exploded, and my face was splattered with brains and blood as his body fell onto mine, still convulsing as I suddenly vomited everywhere. Later that day, another young soldier was almost ripped in half. His shrieks of agony still ring in my head to this day. He should have died instantly from such a gruesome wound, but instead he just screamed and screamed for what seemed like an eternity, but was probably only about 20-39 seconds before he went still and silent. Any illusions about bravery and heroism were shattered. I was afraid. Terribly afraid. I did not want to die for my country. I wanted to be at home, eating dinner at my parents dinner table, tucked under the covers at night, but instead I slept in holes dug in the ground, or shattered destroyed ruins, as shelling continued night and day. When I killed my first man, I collapsed in shock, as the men around me patted me on the back, commenting how I had just taken my first step to becoming a man. It probably didn't look all that manly when I vomited a moment later. Killing got easier though. I didn't enjoy it, I just saw that the only other alternative was dying, so I killed when I had to. All that is in the past now. As we moved forward, automatic weapons fire came from somewhere to our front. I dove for cover, as another soldier to my left, fell to the ground shrieking, holding the messy gore that once was his stomach. I tried to raise my head carefully, to see where the fire was coming from, but I did not want to expose myself too much. The wounded soldier in the open, was screaming and crying, begging someone to come help him as he lay there with his innards spilling out. Of course none of us were going out there. That would be suicide. It was everyone's worst nightmare, to be caught in the open, and gruesomely wounded where nobody could come to you to deliver aid. Identifying where the fire was coming from, our officer planned for us to assault the small two story building. My heart sunk at the knowledge of what he was ordering us to do. An attack like that was unlikely to be successful in the first wave, and even if it was, the casualties would be horrendous. Trembling, I moved to my right, getting ready to follow a senior soldier, as he prepared to lead us on a maneuver towards the building. Looking around, I could see in the eyes of the men around me, that they all felt the way I did. None of us wanted to be here. Our leaders just kept throwing us into a meat grinder day after day, and all we ever did was hope for nothing more than one more day of survival. The wounded man was still screaming, crying for his mother when the officer gave a junior sergeant a command. I didn't hear it, but I knew what he ordered him to do. I turned my head as the sergeant raised his rifle in the direction of the screaming man, and flinched when I heard the rifle fire. The horrible screaming stopped instantly. Please let me survive this I thought. Or at least make it quick As we skirmished up to a barrier of rubble near a low wall, we prepared to do the final assault across about 40 yards of open ground towards the building. Part of me hoped I would get hit in the arm, as soon as I rose up from behind the wall, so I could get back behind it and then be evacuated with the wounded. I should be so lucky. Everybody wanted a wound like that. Some shot themselves and tried to pass it off as combat wounds, but the doctors were wise. Those guys were promptly shot. So were any soldiers who gave up an assault and retreated. Death. All around me death. As we prepared to move, I heard the most beautiful sound....tanks! We all breathed a sigh of relief, when the lumbering clanking machines started moving up to our position. We just might live to see the sun go down! The two beasts, started pummelling the building with their massive guns, blowing large sections of wall away in powerful explosions. Either someone used an incendiary device, or some incendiary weapons inside the building were detonated and now flames started pouring out of the building. This ended what little resistance remained in the building, and dazed terrified men staggered out of the building to avoid the flames, as they kept their hands high in the air, screaming that they surrendered. Each one twisted, shrieked and collapsed as rifle and machine gun fire tore into them. One man, came running out his whole body in flames, shrieking hideously. I raised rifle to shoot him when the sergeant grabbed my rifle and ordered me to Let the animal burn . I tried to look brave as my hands trembled, and my stomach lurched. The taking of this last stronghold in the city, or actually the town effectively ended any resistance by the enemy. At this stage they broke and started abandoning the city, retreating towards the next city in their line of retreat. They left their citizens to their fate. As we mopped up, our soldiers killed off any wounded, or enemy soldiers they found trying to hide. Every few minutes, I would hear some wounded or terrified enemy begging No!..No! before either rifles shots finished him off, or if he was really unlucky a bayonet. We started consolidating our positions in case of a counter attack. We also started rounding up civilians. We needed men to be put to labour, to help build fortifications. Those who were too young, too old or too sick were usually killed. Then the atrocities started in earnest. Soldiers went from house to house, looting, but also raping. The screams of women and girls being dragged from their home, to have their clothes torn off and their bodies violated, sometimes by a soldier, and sometimes by multiple soldiers rang through the air. No dignity, no humanity. Not even bothering to look for some privacy, some soldiers would literally take a woman in the middle of the street, tear the clothes off of her, and then as she screamed and struggled, men would hold her down while the first man lowered his pants and crawled between her legs, to start thrusting into her with everyone cheering. When he finished thrusting into the poor woman, grunting and sweating all over her as she screamed pitifully, still struggling in vain against the multiple powerful sets of arms holding her down, he would stand up, and often another man was already inside the poor woman before the first even had his pants fully done up. Sometimes a woman would be kept in one spot while a line of about 200 men waited to take their turn, one after another. I felt uncomfortable watching this at first, having been raised by my mother who had instilled in me a strong respect for girls. In fairness though, these people had invaded our country, and committed terrible atrocities against our people, so they did bring it on themselves. Once my sergeant ordered me to stick around and watch. I felt guilty standing there doing nothing as the lady shrieked pitifully for help, but there was nothing I could do. To my shame, I found myself actually getting aroused. Thank god nobody saw the bulge in my pants, or I might have been pushed to participate. I had never been with a woman, and would love to know what sex felt like, but I was not prepared to commit rape. I felt ashamed, and went to get a bottle, and drank the image away, until it was my turn to man the makeshift bunker for my sentry shift for that night. Moving through the street, not currently on sentry duty I saw several soldiers from my unit dragging several women and teenage girls out of the cellar of a bombed out school. Men quickly fought over the younger ones, usually the highest ranked and the toughest getting the prettiest teen girls, while the lower ranked andor weaker men got the older ones or the less attractive. Some never went first, and always got to be third or fourth with a woman. Hey, this one looks like a schoolteacher someone yelled. Don't worry maam, we'll take educate your girls to the sound of cruel laughter. Girls screamed, clothes tore, man grunted, and men cheered. The violent drunken orgy started almost as soon as they had them out. The really old women were lined up and shot. Hey, we got a schoolboy for you maam! someone joked. Hey, get over here boy! they yelled at me. Wanting to disappear, I shrugged, shaking my head and started to head away from the scene, but they barked at me, commanding me to come over. Held tightly between two big soldiers, was one of the most beautiful women I had seen on years. She looked to be maybe in her early thirties. Pale skin, dark brown hair, almost black, not too long. Her hair was tied up, but I assumed that even if it was let down it would at most reach her shoulders, if that. She was slender and delicate looking, with very nicely rounded bosoms, and incredibly feminine looking legs. Her clothes were a bit dusty, and her hair slightly messy from having been cooped up in a shelter during a bombardment, but she still looked stunning. Stop it! she screamed, trying to sound authoritative despite the obvious fear in her voice. Come here boy! One of the older soldiers said, leading me by the arm. It's about time someone makes you into a man he said, while gesturing to the lady. Anything you want to teach the young lad, missy? one said to her, as she looked at him in shock and disgust. Looking straight at me, a look of mixed schoolteacher authority and maternal nature, she spoke We are civilians! You are supposed to be soldiers......don't you have a commanding officer somewhere?. She obviously hoped to appeal to me, given my youth. I'm in command a sergeant said. The young lad needs a wife, and I think you'll be perfect....and his orders are to consummate the marriage! the sergeant snapped. A circle of men closed in, preventing her from escaping, and of course me from walking away. The rest of the women and girls were dragged off screaming by men or by groups of men, to be ravaged in private. Time to take your first woman boy! someone cheered She'll turn you into a man boy another yelled Looking around, I tried smiling and shaking my head, not wanting to do such a thing, but quickly the soldiers around me took my rifle, removed my pack and gear belt, along with my helmet...then they shoved me towards her, as the circle closed around us. Be gentle miss...it's his first time someone said, as the rest burst into laughter. Come on...stop stalling, fuck the whore! another yelled Glaring at me she pointed her finger at me and hissed Don't you dare touch me!, which in retrospect was admirably brave given her obvious terror. Looking away, I looked around, looking for a way out of this when my sergeant came into the center and grabbed me by my shirt, shaking me. What part of my orders did you not get!? I gave you a goddamned wife, now fuck her......or I'll find someone to fuck you! Maybe he likes that! someone yelled. Yeah, maybe we should get him a boy, he might be more enthusiastic then. My face burned with embarrassment. Of course I liked women, I just....I wasn't raised to harm women. And she....she looked like a nice lady, in fact she even reminded me a bit of one of my favourite school teachers. A harsh slap to the back of the head, brought my attention to my sergeant. I told you to fuck your wife....now fuck her! He yelled in my face as he shoved me towards her. Looking at her, apologetically, I mumbled Sorry as I reached out with a hand, to touch her, when she slapped me incredibly hard, my head ringing. Yeah, she was definitely a schoolteacher. Put your hands on me and I swear... she trailed off, while glaring at me, a tremble in her voice. Hey boys, what's going to happen. Is he going to fuck her, or is she going to put him over her knee and give him a spanking?. The men roared with laughter, as I cringed with shame. The sergeant shoved me towards her again as the circle tightened, and the men started cheering and yelling for me to rape her, as her terrified eyes glared at me in defiance, and also in an attempt to appeal to my sense of decency You don't want to see what I'll do to her if you don't fuck her The sergeant hissed in my ear. Now follow your orders! followed by another slap to the back of my head. I took a deep breath and stepped up to grab her, as she pulled away from me, swatting my hands away. As she stepped back, someone shoved her hard from behind, pushing her into me as the crowd cheered. I grabbed her, and started trying to guide her to the ground mumbling that I was sorry and that I wouldn't hurt her. My words had no effect as she struggled furiously, like a wildcat, clawing and hitting at me while I tried to gently bring her to the ground. I was trying to be careful not to hurt her, but she was wriggling like an animal, struggling and thrashing. Finally the sergeant tired of this, and pulled me aside and back handed her so hard it sounded like a gunshot, as she hit the ground hard. Stunned she tried to get up, but quickly the sergeant pointed to two men. Grab her arms and hold her down!. Responding they did so, and the screaming woman struggled pathetically as the two big men pinned her arms effortlessly to the ground. The sergeant then shoved me to me knees in front of her, and then pushed me in top of her. There, we're holding her still for you, now fuck her.. Looking down, I felt ashamed, but at the same time, was starting to feel slightly aroused. Reaching out gently, I started to undo the pins in her hair, to let her hair, so it would hang naturally. As soon as I removed the pins, I went to touch the face of the struggling woman when she bit my hand, hard, Howling, I managed to yank my hand out of her mouth, and out of instinct, I slapped her hard, but immediately felt bad. Yeah!! That's how a man does it! one of them yelled. Show your wife who the man of the house is!, as the men started to cheer for me. I felt a sense of thrill, at having so many of these men cheer for me that combined with my growing arousal, I gave in to the urging and started to assault the lady. Grabbing the front of her blouse, I pulled, wanting to tear it off as the cheering increased, while her struggles and screams also increased. I had to admit, the feel of this frightened woman's body, struggling under mine was turning me on. Pulling hard, I felt the material tear as she screamed and bucked underneath me. Attacking her brassier with the same zeal, I ripped the garment off aggressively as something animalistic took over in me. There I saw before me, for the first time, a woman's breasts. A guy in my school had found some cards with pictures of women wearing corsets and stockings, but that was about as close to seeing a naked woman I had ever been and now I had a woman's gorgeous bosom, all naked and soft within my reach. Reaching out breathlessly, I placed my palm on one, a chill going through me as I felt the soft tender orb in my teenaged hand. I almost had to pinch myself to convince myself this was real as I placed my other hand on the other breast. Get your hands off of me! she screeched Stop it! as I continued to squeeze and rub the beautiful soft yet firm mounds, mesmerized by the femininity of them, the softness in my hands. I felt a lingering shame that I was molesting this woman who was begging me to stop, but my urges won out. I felt them, pinched them, squeezed them just lost in the moment as the struggling woman shrieked and pleaded for me to stop, while the rest of the men surrounding us cheered for me. Needing to see more of her body, I fully ripped open the rest of the blouse, exposing her full torso, as her slender body struggled beneath me. My hands groped her flesh, feeling her tummy, her waist, her boobs, and pretty soon I leaned down and started kissing her flesh, and sucking on it, as the poor woman howled in anguish, and still continued to struggle like she was possessed. It was all in vain of course her arms were good and pinned, but every time she bucked her torso, to try to launch me off, I felt her pubic mount press up against the bulge in my trousers, further exciting me. I continued to kiss, lick and molest the beautiful older woman, who's delicate body wriggled wildly beneath me. Stop playing around...fuck her! Someone yelled. I was eager to do just that. Moving back up into a knelling position between her legs, I grabbed her long flowy skirt and pulled it up, revealing two very toned legs, all slender and soft, as my excitement had me almost shaking. I had to control her legs as she was trying to kick, and when my hand grabbed her upper leg, my palm feeling the soft warm skin of her beautiful inner thigh, I was in heaven. How to describe the feel of that thigh, it was just the essence of femininity...I could have just stayed there, my hand on that thigh all day, but I knew there was more to do....more I wanted to do! Grabbing her undergarments, I started to pull, as her struggles and screams intensified, Quickly I pulled them down, revealing a thatch of dark hair between her legs as her womanhood came into view. A s I pulled the undergarments off of the end of her legs, a solid kick from her knocked me on my ass, as people laughed. I pounced right back up, grabbing her thrashing legs as she kicked and cried. The violence of the struggle, her desperation and helplessness were adding to my arousal as I started roughly yanking her legs apart, situating myself between them as I looked to see between her legs. For the first time in my life, I was seeing a woman down there, in that place that was so taboo. I started breathing heavily, at the sight of the soft looking lips, and the crease with the dark hair up around the mound of her pubis. This is where man make babies! This is it! A woman's vagina! I was about to have sex with a woman! Rape actually, but that distinction was lost on me for the moment. Lust! Raging lust had taken over, and all I could think about was how that would feel, to be inside that. Reaching out with one hand, while my other hand tried to restrain her bucking pelvis, I touched it, running my finger along it as she cried out in anguish. Her cries got worse as I started working a finger inside of her. She was dry, so I had to put a bit of effort in, but with a bit of rubbing and pressure I managed to get it in, as she howled in response to the violation. As I worked the finger all the way into her, I marvelled at the feel of a woman's innards, gripping my finger, the warmth and wetness of it, overwhelming me with carnal desire. The feel of her body bucking and squirming as my finger probed around inside her added to the excitement of the moment. I had to have her now! Undoing my belt, I lowered my trousers, releasing my hardened flesh from its restraints as it jutted out, straining and twitching in its desire to plunder her depths. The tip was already quite wet from fluids leaking out as I lowered myself between her legs, feeling her soft inner thighs against my pelvis, while my erecting brushed against the hair between her legs as my heart pounded in my ears while I struggled to control my excited breathing. I moved my hips around, trying to line up my flesh with her opening as she bucked and struggled beneath me. A couple of times I think I made contact, but having never done this before I was having difficulty finding the right spot. Finally, I used my hand to guide myself as she renewed her struggles, but it was obvious she was tiring, as she had been struggling ferociously for several minutes, and she had to be utterly exhausted. When I found the right spot, and held her still enough, I shifted my weight forward, lunging with my pelvis, only to find myself unable to penetrate because of her dryness. I pushed really hard, but she cried out from the roughness of the attempted assault. Use your spit! an older soldier yelled, making a jerking gesture with his hand, indicating I should rub my saliva over my erection. Quickly I did just that, and then coated it over the end of my straining manhood, as the lady cried out in rage and terror beneath me. I took the remaining saliva on my fingers and rubbed it between her legs, to help make penetration easier as she moaned in disgust and anguish. Grabbing my flesh again, I guided it to the defenceless lady's womanly flower, and touched the head to her soft petals, and was preparing to penetrate when she made a last desperate bid to stop me. She was too exhausted to fight, and opted to reason and plead as my body trembled with desire and need, starving for the softness of her inner flesh. Listen to me.....please, look at me She insisted, as I looked into her eyes awkwardly. They showed a look of fear, seemed to beg for compassion yet were still indicating that they tried to appeal to reason. Think about what you're doing....you don't want to do this.....you don't have to do this to me..please she spoke as calmly as her trembling voice would allow her. Please...I can see you don't want to do this, you're a good person...a soldier....you don't want to do this to me...I'm a human being...a woman...please.....think of what your family would think....don't do this to me...please..., she reasoned and pleaded, as I felt myself doubt starting to rise. Fuck her! The sergeants face appeared next to mine, his words making me flinch. She looked up at me pleadingly, her mouth whispering no. Fuck her you god damned coward!!!!! he bellowed, slapping me in the head, Fuck your wife you fucking weakling!!! Shaken, I look down at her, whisper sorry and lunge forward, driving several inches of my flesh into her body, splitting her, dragging her flesh with me as my hardness penetrated her defenceless womanhood. Her head jerked back, her eyes opening wide in shock as her anguished scream reverberated through the air, as she felt the rough violation of her body. A cheer went up from the crowd. To be honest, it burned a bit, as she was still somewhat dry, so her cry was likely a combination of physical pain as well as humiliation and mental anguish. In my lust and excitement, I gasped at the sensation of her warm inner moistness caressing my flesh, gripping it and I worked feverishly to bury the rest of my erection into the screaming woman, disregarding her pleas for mercy and obvious pain. Pulling back a bit, I lunged forward again, eliciting another scream as I planted more of my length into her soft little sheath. Lunging again, I made her cry out as I planted the whole length in her, and felt her delicate insides gripping my insides exquisitely, as my balls rested against her ass. I lay there on top of her, my mouth agape at the unbelievably pleasurable sensation of being inside a woman for the first time. I had often wondered, fantasized about what it would feel like, but nothing in my imagination could prepare me for the physical sensations of her tender soft warm insides embracing my flesh, all warm and moist, as the soft skin of her inner thighs clamped around my pelvis, while her lovely tender breasts heaved with her shaking and crying. I felt my body already about to climax, and I tried to control it, holding myself very still, not wanting to have this end too soon, but as soon as I started pulling back, and then very slowly slide my length back in, being as delicate as possible in my effort to control myself I felt it happening, and suddenly my scrotum tightened and I climaxed, releasing my fluids into the body of this woman with the milky white skin as I groaned and shuddered, while she sobbed beneath me. It lasted for a few seconds, as my seed spilled into her womb, while the pleasure literally almost paralysed me, until it passed. Disappointment and shame, burned through me, as people were still cheering for me to rape her, when I realized I still had a full erection. Maybe nobody noticed? Maybe she didn't notice. I decided to just continued, and pretend I hadn't just climaxed, and hoped nobody would be the wiser. Pulling back, I lunged forward, causing another scream, as I drove my length into her, causing her body to jerk, as her breasts shook erotically. Slowly I pulled back, overcome with lust at the thrill of having forced myself into the body of this sobbing beauty, and I thrust forward again, real hard, causing another scream. Lust won out over self control, as I suddenly started really fucking the woman hard, driving my body into her, pounding my pelvis between her spread thighs, my hardness driving into her repeatedly like a weapon as she screamed with each thrust. She started to lubricate fairly quickly, so I assume after that the screams were more anguish than pain, but she did cry out repeatedly, and sob as I lay atop her, my flesh forcibly invading her most intimate depths, a part of her body reserved only for love and intimacy, not violence and degradation. The crowd cheered, pouring alcohol over me and her as I raped her, driving myself into her like a machine, possessed by a raging lust to ravish and violate her body, as she sobbed, whimpered and screamed beneath me. I don't know how long I continued, I just thrust repeatedly, focussing on the pleasurable sensation of her resisting flesh sliding over me, grasping my hardness and pleasurably massaging it as I plundered her deep recess, violating her completely like a whore. Eventually her cries died down to mere whimpers, as I slid in and out of her defenceless portal, and soon I felt another climax coming. Speeding up, I started to pound into her with a vengeance, as she looked up at me in horror, whispering no in a pleading voice as I worked feverishly for the release I needed, disregarding her pleas and humanity. After another few moments of frenzied thrusting, I felt my climax happen, as my whole body tensed and shuddered, while my fluids sprayed into her soft feminine depths, pumping my seed into her, as she moaned and agonized mournful wail of anguish at what she knew was happening. I held myself there, planted fully into her as my erection convulsed inside her, continuing to release my fluids inside her body as she sobbed pitifully, until it passed, and I collapsed breathing heavily on top of her, my sweat dripping down onto her. A cheer of victory went through the crowd! Looking down at the woman, I saw a broken soul, a woman who's dignity had been raped as fully as her body, sobbing as I felt myself softening inside her. Sliding out of her, I heard a faint whimper as she shuddered in disgust and humiliation. Standing I pulled my pants up as men surrounded me, patting me on the back congratulating me as I felt myself enjoying the words of admiration. The sergeant stepped up to me, smiling and extended his hand to shake mine...he had not done that before, usually not showing me much more than contempt. When you came to m y unit, you were nothing more than a scared kid.......but today you fought well, fought bravely and... gesturing to the sobbing woman on the ground...You are finally a man, as he shook my hand and patted me on the back, while others congratulated me. I couldn't help but beam with pride at the praise coming from these men. The sergeant handed me a bottle of strong liquor, and held it up. Tilt your head back. When I complied, he started to pour the burning liquid into my mouth, as the others yelled drink!. I swallowed the burning liquid, gulping repeatedly as it poured down my throat, feeling as though I was drinking gasoline for what seemed like forever, but was probably only 7-8 seconds until he tilted the bottle back. Part of me wanted to vomit or fall over at the amount of alcohol I had just gulped back, but I would not embarrass myself in front of these men, now that they finally accepted me. As people congratulated me, patting me on the back, I heard one of the other men say My turn as the others cheered and I saw him step towards the lady I had just raped, while she started pleading again in a hoarse whisper, terrified at the trauma she could endure of all the men present took their turns with her.. Hey!!! the sergeant bellowed, pointing his finger at the man. That's his woman! he said gesturing to me. And you don't touch another man's woman! There are plenty of women and girls in the town for you to use, but she is exclusively for him! The men new better than to argue with the sergeant. He looked down at her and spoke. This is your husband. You will stay in there with him he said, gesturing to s small side room in the building, with no door and a very thin mattress on the floor. You will treat him good, and do what he says, and serve his needs. If you leave your husband if you leave that room........I will bring you to the center of town and have all 1100 men fuck you, and by the time the 1100th man is done....the first guy will be more than ready to go again. I will have your cunt plowed constantly day and night until you die from it so....be good to your man. With that he smiled and winked at me, patting me on the back before handing me the bottle and walking away. I looked down at her, as she lay there, still in shock at the incompressibility of what had just happened to her. She trembled, her breath quivering as a cold sweat covered her body. She started to sit herself up, her shaking arms raising her up into a sitting position as she pushed her dress down, to cover herself. She swallowed hard, her red puffy eyes welling with tears as she tried to pull her tattered blouse together, to cover her naked breasts, as she tried to stand. I felt awkward, and reached down to help her up, but she pulled her arm away in disgust, as she rose on unsteady legs. She knew better than to defy the sergeant, and that he would make good on his threat, so she walked unsteadily into the room, still sniffling and trembling, huddling herself as she walked until she went into the room. Crossing the room, she went to the opposite wall, and sat down on the floor, with her back against the wall and her knees pulled up to her chest. I went in and sat down across from her, awkwardly, wanting to say something, maybe even to say I was sorry, but every time I cleared my throat to speak, her glare silenced me. As I sat there, she glared at me with her swollen, puffy red eyes, still brimming with tears, the accusation in those eyes carving into me like a blade. I looked away, not able to look at her. Even looking away I could feel her eyes on me, as I tried to pretend her glare wasn't bothering me, that I wasn't noticing it. The emotions started welling up in me. I felt pride and excitement at earning the respect of my fellow soldiers, and I felt shame and an overwhelming need to apologise to her. She should be in front of a class, kindly teaching boys like me, not glaring in hatred at me for raping her. Looking up, I saw that she had not backed own, not looked away. She stared at me with hate in her eyes, condemning me, without the possibility of appeal. Her judgement was eternal and damning. Unable to endure her accusing eyes, I stood again and walked outside the room, to look up into the sky as night fell. Sitting down, I started to drink, as men cheered and women and girls screamed, with the occasional gunshot ringing through the air. I drank until I passed out.