Thread: A Thread of Lies / Best of Letters to the Editor.

You Just Never Noticed There were these two guys sitting in a bar. Theyd been sitting in that bar for over fifteen years. Not fifteen years continuously, but more or less regularly on Tuesdays or Fridays holidays and vacations excepted. They were ordinary guys and it was an ordinary bar. The owners pretended it was a sports bar and the regulars let them pretend. But for all the sports regalia on the walls, the girls behind the counter usually forgot to turn off the jukebox so the patrons who came to watch the NFL or the NHL or the Yankees play the Red Sox the only games permitted by the cable gods had to watch the games to terrible music instead of the play-by-play unless someone spoke up about it. Their women tolerated this because they knew where their men were. The two friends griped about them, work, the ungratefulness of children and the losing hockey team just because they didnt need a reason, like that auld syne tune went, we can because we can because we can because we can . Theyd told each other the same fish stories and lies until this happened about twenty years ago became about thirty years ago and they became the character in Springsteens Glory Days they once laughed at. And they knew it, and still told the stories. One night, after watching their team lose again, one of them, in a gin-fueled flight of imagination, said to the other See that back door by the juke box. Youve been through there a hundred or two times, right? Sure, the parking lot, for a smoke, what about it? Exactly. Go out, turn left, theres the parking lot. But have you ever turned right instead of left? No, why would I? No reason to, thats the point. But, you know, if youd turned right, theres a little walk way and at the end theres a door to a tavern totally exactly like this one, only different. It's full of guys like us, but theyre not complaining about the game because in that bar, the local team never plays on Tuesdays or Fridays but on Sundays, Mondays or Thursdays. Same league, same stadium, but you just never noticed because were never here then. The teams carried on local radio, but your radio never picks up the broadcast. Youd need one built in a foreign country, like Mexico or Macao to tune in the game. Think about it ... yes, Ill have another Bombay gimlet, no not a double you drive to and from work the same way, walk your dog along the same route every day, always the same time, without any good reason to change. You and me and dogs, all creatures of habit. Look, theres a little trail that circles around a corner in that vacant lot where that old Lexus with the For Sale sign is parked. How many times have you walked your dog past it? Dozens? Youve never noticed that path ... I mean, youve seen it, but not noticed it. Your dog hasnt even sniffed it out. It doesnt lead to a hobo junction, or a coyote den. Take that path and around the corner theres another neighborhood youve never seen, but its not Winter there, instead theyre having 4th of July pool parties, grilling brats, there are beer-commercial-style girlfriends hanging around, kids are throwing water balloons, someone's playing a guitar, others are smoking prime seegars and getting hammered on PBR. And they'll be real fireworks rockets, mortars, not the bullshit safe and sane stuff. All this while were freezing our asses off in this cold soak. For all I know it might never be Winter there. He went on in that vein until he was staring at a melt-ice cocktail and the bottom of his rocks glass, the stream of consciousness finally blotted out by the gin. He got up to drain the lizard, when he returned his friend was gone. That worthless lightweight, if he hung the tab on me I'll croak his ass . But the storyteller was not exactly correct. There was in fact another bar down the alley to the right. Inside that other bar there were two women, about their age, nursing daiquiris or wine coolers, bitching about their men, their jobs, the ungratefulness of children, and one of them was saying to the other, see that back door? The one by the cigarette machine? . Last edited Mar 20, 2019