Thread: -The Docket-

I figured I would put up a little journal recording some of the stranger events that I have seen working in the courtroom with my boss. Since Im still waiting on bar results....two weeks of sheer hell, but much drinking shall be had, no matter what the results of that test. Anyhow, to give a little background, I went to law school out of my home state, and finished in May of 2011. I took the bar once in February, and missed it by one question. cool, I know but hey, having had no Texas law in law school, to come that close on the first try wasnt too shabby. But unlike horseshoes, in law being close doesnt count. Back on to the purpose of this little journal. I want to record some of the stranger, or more humorous sights of the court house, because it could potentially bud into ideas for stories, but mainly as a way to laugh at some of the insanity that I see. Honestly, theres never a time when Im up at the County Courthouse where something funny doesnt happen. So, lets start off with the interesting exchange I witnessed today! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It was approximately 800 A.M., a time when the County Courthouse is usually rather empty. However, on this fine morning it was bustling. People were going in and out of the courtroom. Some juror was complaining that the judge didnt allow chewing gum in his court room...never mind the fact that this juror didnt have enough teeth to practically chew the gum and some other esteemed gentlemen was asking why his pocket knife wasnt allowed into the courthouse. Needless to say, the poor sheriffs deputies, who have to put up with this herd of people every morning, have remarkable skills. I honestly tip my hat to them. For starters, they never get angry at getting asked the same useless questions time and again. Secondly, they develop a sense of humor with it all. Finally, they have the patience to stand there for hours on end, and remain cheerful, for the most part. Despite this, one cannot say, with a clear conscience, that this line of work would be anything but boring. Its not like the federal courthouse, where the marshals stand there, eagerly flashing their badge and 9 mm Beretta in the hopes that one of the high-profile criminals does something stupid, so they can empty an entire magazine into them. No, most of the criminals that funnel through the county court are those fine individuals who get caught stealing underwear from Walmart. I didnt know one could steal 12,000 worth of underwear from a single Walmart...but my bosss clients proved to me otherwise. These poor deputies sit in this one-hundred year old building, in the stifling heat, to hear people ask where the family court was, and then some mention about child support, hand guns, and threats to her Chihuahuas life. Ah, sweet divorce! Thus, it should come as no surprise that these guardians of the temple of justice or cesspit, if youre a cynic...trust me, I know I am, should develop a colorful sense of humor. I had just finished getting our local Walmart shopper, er shoplifter, registered on the docket sheet, and was going down to the first floor to call her name. We have to announce a client's name three times, if we havent rendezvoused with them before their scheduled time in court. While Im down there I just happened to look over at the metal detector, where I saw one of the bailiffs, from the courtroom, emerge from the elevator and hand a new dress code sheet to the deputies standing guard. What the hell is this? I heard the deputy moan, as he took the laminated sheet of death into his hands. They always hate getting paperwork like this. It means that they have to start informing the gaggle of people of these new instructions...which is bad enough when that gaggle of people didn't listen to the instructions already given to them in the first place. The Bailiff smiled, a sarcastic little smile, and quickly rebuffed the deputys complaint stating, Dont blame me, blame the judge...he didnt think you guys were working hard enough. She turned around and started to ascend the staircase, back to the second floor. As she was doing this, the deputy pulled out his clicky pen from his pocket, aimed the writing end towards her, and started clicking the pen, all the while, loudly making fake gun sounds from his mouth. PEW PEW PEW!, He went on. I was doing my best not to laugh at this point. He turned and saw this young associate grinning his head off. He nodded his head acknowledging the fact that I had witnessed his display, and stated with a grin of his own. Dont worry, shell feel it...Those are deadly rounds...It just takes a while to sink in! I couldnt help but laugh at that point. I only wish airport security could be this entertaining. Heaven knows they must see the same kind of bizarre crap that we see coming into the courthouse. The only thing is, I dont think the TSA uses the same pink handcuffs our bailiff uses. When I say pink handcuffs, I mean hot pink handcuffs. Kinky, I know, but not when the judge is a doddering old man.