Thread: Discipline vs. Abuse

Okay. Well, putting aside the question about whether physical punishment of children is abuse or not, which has been a question posed, and one that had obviously never come to a clear consensus, in the U.S, I still have to argue that physical punishment is not necessary, and is not ethical. Does spanking a child humiliate them? Yes it does. What does humiliation do to a child at such a young age? What are we really talking about? Is it the light taps, as Havoc put it, that bring up a need for this discussion thread? Perhaps it is, perhaps it isn't. The adult will never really know how that action will affect their child. Common sense leads me to believe violence will only result in a negative response, whatever that may be however, only the child on the receiving end understands fully how it has effected them. If we are drawing from personal experience, then allow me to create a hypothetical one. There is a real emergency, say a life-threatening one. Does that level of emergency constitute physical reprimand on the child's part? This is on the basis of presuming a life-threatening decision is the worst thing a child can do to receive this kind of response from their guardian. Now, this is admittedly my own personal experience, and therefore not valid as fact, but I did not consider myself suicidal as a child. I most likely did not know anything about suicide from age four to ten. Children don't necessarily put themselves, or other's, consciously in harms way. Say, hypothetically, I started to run out into moving traffic. Did I know that running out into the street when my brain was focused on getting over to the other side was a bad thing necessarily, even if I had been told before? No, not in that moment. Did I understand what it meant for my life to be in danger once the situation had been explained to me by a frightened, emotionally distraught parental figure? Most likely, yes. Am I in need of physical punishment? No. It is true that our habitual reactions to situations are shaped by momentous happenings in our lives. This is a sort of jolt to our system, if you will. A smack from a adult to a child gather's their attention immediately, and thus instills that habit. They will no longer cross the road without waiting and looking first. Is it ethical? That is for you to decide. It is my opinion that the method of physical punishment is not ethical in any form, and should not be allowed. Children cannot advocate for themselves who will advocate for them? What I was proposing in my earlier post, and what may have been misconstrued, was that there is a better way to go about implanting these lessons into children, without the harsh jolt to their developing mentalities. A child who has done something wrong, knows they have done wrong the moment they see or hear disapproval from their guardian. If the child does not know they have done wrong, then what does a smack do more than create both a jolt of fear and confusion? A level response, one of genuine concern, is far better than a quick-fix. Yes, it is not easy. Yes, it takes time and effort on the guardian's part to kneel and speak with the child about the experience. Learning to show emotion to children instead of hiding it behind, or instinctually resorting to, violence takes a lot of self-restraint. Speaking the truth, such as hypothetically, to my child, Mommy was so scared, do you see how scared I am? I could have lost you. I never, never want to see you do something like that again, okay? I love you, and I don't want you to get hurt. Do you understand? I believe, can do so much more for a child's developmental process, as well as their relative obedience. No child will be perfect. I don't mean a quick, talk or yelling fit down to the child either. I mean getting down onto your knees, so that you are face-to-face, and opening up to them. It was, after all, a fear of the parent's that elicited that response toward the child. Should the guardian then not show as much self-control as they are asking of their child? Showing a child honest emotion, I believe, encourages honesty in them. Guilt is used, yes, but is it not a better alternative to pain and fear on the child's part? Does a open response to their safety not foster love, respect and a longer-lasting reflection of actions on the child's part? This method transforms the child's disobedience from something that was previously a shameful act, into something that has been discussed, with honesty that was demanded from both sides, and fosters trust on the child's side towards their parent. It is the same as the self-control used to stay calm when a child is throwing a fit. You let them scream their head off, then you ask, are you done? Until the child replies yes, they scream, but you remain calm, in order to speak with them afterwards about their actions. Nagging? Perhaps. Does it take time and energy? Hell yes. Would you invest any less in your children? If a child can see that their parent has the capacity to really invest their time into them, with a firm, unwavering stance on disobedience, yet with a fair and loving approach, will they not reciprocate that fairness and love? Will they not learn the rules of this world in a positive way, and later, have the courage and self-respect themselves to take risks and possibly even try their hands at shaping those very rules?