Thread: Homestuck: The Trickster and the Thief [Ahren and Resident Homestuck]

If you're a follower of Homestuck and want to see the ways in which we fuck up the storyline, it will be branching off from here - You have been warned. Closed for myself and Resident Homestuck. John Finish Whining You are still John Egbert, and you have just wrapped up throwing the Biggest Baby Tantrum in your life on your 15th birthday. At least the biggest since the last one in which your father refused to buy you Liv Tyler also on your birthday. Birthdays seem to be a stressful time for you. Your paradox sister stands over you as you lay uselessly in your driveway staring up into the dark LOWAS sky. John... I'm sorry, Jade... I didn't mean to imply being here with you isn't fun... You sigh, finally taking a breath. The dog-eared girl takes a seat beside you, crossing her legs and joining you in a gaze toward the sky. It's okay. I miss Dave and Rose, too. Even Karkat! Heh, Karkat... beep beep meow. Heh hehe... Hehehe yeah! I bet he would be so angry if he heard you say that. Jade giggles. Her laugh and smile are infectious and it's not very long before you feel one spreading onto your own face as well. It doesn't last, however, because all you can think about is how it's still another year before you can see them again, and even once you all meet up who is to say there would be even time to hang out and have fun? You'd already be in the new session and fighting to win the game right away. Jade notices how quickly the mood deflates once again and glances down sadly. John, it's still your birthday so I have one more present to offer you. If you want to join the others on the meteor for the final year of the trip, I can send you there. Your sapphire blue eyes widen in surprise. I thought you said your teleportation powers weren't working this far away from the Green Sun!? Well, they don't. For the most part. But I can gather just enough energy to send you and only you. If you wanna go... She adds with a sad smile. Hearing the soft tone of her voice makes you realize even offering to do this is tough for her, but she's still doing it anyway... Good Sister, Best Friend... Jade... I chose to stay with you for a reason. I won't just leave you alone now! What a crappy friend that would make me, geez! It's okay, John! Really! I'm not alone and you know that. Me and Davesprite may have broken up but we're still friends. And don't forget Nanna and Jaspersprite! Besides, even if I was alone I would be okay. I lived alone pretty much my whole life. One year wouldn't kill me. She gives a wide, warm smile with shimmering green eyes sparkling behind her circular eyeglass frames. Besides, I'm sure they miss you too. Also wasn't there a troll girl there who seemed eager to hang out with you? You should meet her!!! At this point, Jade seems more excited about the prospect than you do, though the thought of meeting the girl in question makes it hard to hold back blush crawling onto your cheeks. It's been two years. You have to wonder if she even still cares about you. The whole idea just makes you nervous! I- I should? Yes, John! You are a growing boy and you should meet some girls that are not related to you! Even if they are grey aliens with horns!! She smirks, prodding your shoulder teasingly. Wow... all right then! Maybe you are right! ... Are you sure about this? I know I was just acting like a big stupid baby but I really don't mind staying! Honest! You make an effort to reassure her. I'm sure!!! I had a great time with you over the past two years! But you should go see the others! It's the least I can do for my friend on his birthday! Okay, Jade! I'll take you up on your offer! Great! -- Be the Knight of Time. In a similar time, traveling through the darkest spaces of the Furthest Ring, a lone meteor flies. Inside one of the many rooms amidst the twisted hallways of the facility. You are now a young, blonde-haired man in a pair of sweet shades, Dave Strider. You and Karkat Vantas discuss topics of great importance. And then the man booms a sweet dunkie in the bucket and does a little dance on the mat. And that is how Basketball works. You explain, laying back on a sofa with your arms resting behind your head. Strider, the cells in my thinkpan are going to commit ritual mass suicide if I have to listen to one more word of this gross and offensive bullshit! There is no way you are not fucking with me! The grey-skinned creature growls back. His lack of amusement is expected, but you're okay with that. Nah dude. Why would I lie about that? Exactly! It would serve no purpose except to be pointless and irritating! Both things you excel at! When it comes to being pointless and irritating you cannot hope to beat Dave Strider. He is simply the best there is! Thanks, bro, I'm touched. Fuck you! Point Strider. Guess I win this round. Thanks for playing. You continue, still poker faced. I.. what... that... AGH! That makes no sense! There are no points! And if there were YOU certainly would not win any! You would win exactly zero points and be a forgettable loser douche forever! Why do I even talk to you?! Karkat shouts as he slaps his palm to his face in frustration. Feel free to leave. I'm okay chilling here though. No! I found this room first! In fact, I'm going to use it to watch a movie! Look at this one! It's called Employee of the Month! Looks like an award winner to me! Oh fuck no you are not watching that Dane Cook trash anywhere within my line of sight. The only award that thing has won is the award for containing the biggest poser in the history of everything. There has never been nor will there ever be another poser bigger. Shit even you have given me more entertainment than he has, which is slightly more than none at all. You groan as you finally sit up, glaring at Karkat behind your shades hard enough to where your intentions are known even while your eyes are hidden. Hah! Guess you'll just have to leave then! Point Vantas. Also another point Vantas for good measure. Adios, ass munch! I'll just be here, enjoying my room and my movie like the greatest fucking winner ever! Karkat grins, taking out his husktop and getting ready to play the Dave-repelling movie. Fine, dude. Guess I'll just go hang out with Terezi. No problem at all. Karkat froze in place, trying not to give away his reaction. He couldn't get angry about this anymore. If Terezi was happy hanging out with Dave then that is what mattered. Fine! Later, Fuckface! Before you can leave, however, a distressed cry is heard from the back of the room, originating from, oddly enough, the ceiling. You turn in time to see John Egbert landing upon a pile of books Rose hoarded up earlier in the day with a booming thud. What the sweet holy fuck was that?! Karkat exclaims looking up just as a portal with Jade on the other side disappears, but not before she gives a cute little wave. Uuugh John mumbles as he tries to fight his way from the attacking literature. Sup, Egbert. Happy Birthday. You utter in greeting, clearly not at all phased by John's sudden appearance. Truthfully you are a bit surprised and even delighted, but no use letting anyone actually see that. Dave!! Oh, and you're Karkat, right!? The scowl kinda gives it away... Yesss this is awesome already! Hey guys! Egbert, what the shit is this?! You're supposed to be on that stupid boat with Jade! Did you leave her there all by herself?!? UN-fucking-believable!! Karkat continues to holler, but if anything this outburst was only bringing more joy to John. Karkat, it's really cute how you're concerned for her. She had a kiss to give to you but I am afraid the only way for you to get it is if I deliver it. So get ready! John grins mischievously. Karkat gags in respone. Keep your grotesque face away from any part of my body, Egbert, unless you want me to abscond into an ablution trap full of acid! Glad you still seem like the same ol' Karkat. And Dave, looking cool as ever! Anyway, in case it wasn't obvious, Jade offered to send me over here as one last birthday gift! I took her up on the offer. So it was her idea and she insisted so no need to get all grumpy at me for it! John explains, though you notice his eyes darting around the room quite often. So guys uh... who else is around...?