Thread: This Girls Journal "A poly girl living in a mogy world"

My weekends are rough, my husband demands most of my time and I only have time in passing for my boyfriend. Last year there was a horrible tragedy at an event he was going to attend and me being a worry wart asked him to check in with me...5 people were killed last year and of course I knew it wouldnt happen again he was literally feet from being a victim last year. So he checked in every other hour. The constant interactions annoyed my husband, but boyfriend was home safe and sound and it didnt change or put our retinue out of wack. Yesterday was a fight though, weeks ago my husband promised me if I did something for him he will help me with something. FIRST I HATE that I have to negotiate with him for help around the house. I SHOULDNT HAVE TO. He lives here too, these are his kids too. But NOPE if I need him to do anything beyond the empty the dishwasher or take out the trash I have to negotiate... Because hes the bread maker, mind you I dont sit at home and do nothing. I run a day care from the house and work 9-9 and yes it means I have down time through out the day BUT I WORK ALL DAY. So this was putting laundry away. Help me put laundry away....in exchange for some sexual favor of some sort. After four weeks I put the laundry away, it stirred anger. Weeks I have been asking him to get my car looked at and now it wont start...again I work 9-9 so I cant get it done. Struggles, I cant get him to be my partner. HE loves me and loves to spend time with me but only on his terms. I miss having a husband, a partner. My X husband was a great partner, he provided and gave me everything I could ever need or want and left me the hell alone. Always had a working car and groceries...and he would run off with his girls and I didnt care. But he was grumpy when he was home, like he couldnt want to leave but felt obligated to spend family time. I feel so lonely in the house I break down in tears, I pack up the kids lunches, I get them in and out of baths, I do all the laundry , cook all the meals, do all the shopping, pay all the bills, I worry about the kids having clothes, I run two businesses from the home, I do it all, but since he goes to work...he is the man...right? Im really getting tired of it and last night we had one of are monumental arguments. I want a partner! Do you think your little boy would be different? No, no I dont. At this point I am sure I never want to live with anyone ever again, hell when the kids are older I am really thinking of taking my dog and moving into a modest apartment just to...be free. I dont mean divorce, I mean just to get the hell away from everything is on me and its just me. I make enough for a place to live, if I dont go all out....and I am almost looking forward to it. My boyfriend is great but we have our problems too, he is so arrogant in ability and yet his self esteem is very low. He is hinting on the side of being A sexual and I do not mind that at all. Almost adore him for it. He is so in tune with who he is, I envy his youth and know our age difference will be what breaks us up in the end. I have always known we may not live past a few years...hell life changes so much when you are out of college I suspect we have another year and a half...and when I voice these opinions to him...not as openly but Please dont plan your future around me Keep the door open for something else we argue, and he doesnt yell or scream he just becomes very matter of fact. I have wisdom but he thinks he knows how it will be even though I have experience in life...true not his life but I know people. I know the way the mind works. I still dream of his touch, and wonder if he would even kiss me. So husband has vowed once again to help me out more...it will last a week and then he will go back to his routine. Wake, computer games, eat,computer games, go to work, come home, computer games, and sleep. Till I speak up for myself and my kids for his help...start a fight and get a promise that will last another week or so. Average issues really, for a husband and wife... Average issues for a long distance relationship... Right?