Thread: In Search Of One Man [Defiant x Temptationist]

Bucky dropped his arm when she pulled from him and shifted to lay as she wanted him without question. When she gave him the warm smile he returned it, though he was slightly nervous about what he was about to see. He was still excited. This was a step in the direction he wanted to go and if she could offer him a hand, he'd be stupid not to take it. As she began to run her fingers through his hair he let out a content sigh and his head unconsciously nudged closer towards her fingers, looking for more. He followed her instructions and breathed as she instructed, listening to her voice. He focused on the sound of his breathing when she stopped speaking and he began to hear what she'd heard. He resisted the urge to open his eyes to try and see if he could see anything for at that moment it was only black. He lost that urge when the visions began to swim through his mind. It was like watching a movie. Seeing it from the way she showed him. Every scene they went through he felt a warmth inside of himself growing. Like seeing how he'd been was fuelling a fire inside of himself he'd been wilfully ignoring since he didn't know what it was or how to make it grow. The warmth simmered when they reached the Winter Soldier. The memories were cold and dark. But they were his. When she finished he laid still for a few moments before opening his eyes and finding only darkness again. He felt different. Lighter but more burdened too. He knew he could be a good man. He knew it was possible but could he be such a good man as he had been after everything his hands had done. Most people had some sort of debt or blood on their hands. But Bucky, he was drenched in it. And when he remembered everything he'd done, he wanted to be him. The guy from the start of the memories. Smiles and laughs and handsome and just good. Just okay. Thank you, he said, his voice rough with raw emotion as he sorted through how he was supposed to feel about these feelings. He didn't lift his head right away, he enjoyed the closeness. Her thighs were firm but comfortable under his skull. He realized his head may not be that comfortable though so he lifted his head and shifted back to sit how they'd been sitting before. Do you think it's possible? For me to become more like I was before they changed me? He asked, his gaze staring at the silhouette of her from the dull light shining into the car from a few cracks and the thin door windows. I talk like I know what I'm doing but I really don't. I haven't even touched another human since you and now I just know I love how your skin feels. And I enjoy spending time with you. And it's only been a few hours since I've known you, if that. I have no idea how to control all these emotions, he admitted. The visions continued to pass by in his head, he wanted to be able to remember them and not miss a moment of a time when he'd been happen. He wanted to cling to it. To know what it felt like so when he was again he'd know. But even here and now, sitting in a boxcar with her, part of him felt content enough to let the possibility linger she was making him happy. The thought made him smile. If you can do that for others, can you do it for yourself? Sort out specific memories to make you happy? He asked. If he was on the road to being happy, he wanted her to be as well. What makes you happy? Maybe we should start there.