Whitzz/544K-RP-Datasets huggingface dataset:
Thread: Burning Bridges (A lousy pun title for my journal)

52210 I feel so unbelievably low today. I try to talk with my boyfriend but I can't enjoy it. He talks about his birthday and how he has so many family members and they'll all be there to celebrate his 20th... I try to be happy for him, but inside all I feel is an even greater depression welling up, and an immense jealousy for what he has and what I never will have. It makes me want to cry hearing him talk of his family when mine is so non-existent. But I can't ask him to stop. I can't make him stop talking about what he loves, just because it hurts to hear. That'd just be selfish of me... I guess all that I can do is write this out and suck it up. I can't make my family come back... The past is dead. So I guess I'll just leave this little entry here and then go lay down and try to forget. Sleeping helps when I wanna forget things. I like the dreams I have. They're intense and powerful and moving. They're everything life isn't for me. Daydreams don't quite cut it as well as real, full fledged, when you sleep type dreams. I wish I could sleep forever and stay there in my dreams. Real life just leaves me with a sense of dread and helplessness. Hopelessness. Whatever. Both. Good Night, I guess. Though people probably don't read this. So I guess I'm just saying good night to me. Which means I'm talking to myself. Which just further proves that I am out of my silly little mind. That should be a good conversational piece for my imaginary time spent with the shrink I don't have.
Thread: Burning Bridges (A lousy pun title for my journal)

I don't know if you'll catch this before you go to bed, but... It's not selfish of you to feel jealous or upset about your boyfriends family. You should tell him how it makes you feel when he speaks about them. He doesn't have to stop, but maybe he could get you more involved with his family. Do you have a good relationship with them? It never hurts to try and connect, that way you won't feel left out. Ezekiel
Thread: Burning Bridges (A lousy pun title for my journal)

Is there some law that says I can't tell my dumb bitch of a sister to go choke on a dick, because that's all she'll ever be good at? Because if she continues to act like she is about me having to move back home, me calling her that will be the least of the list of things I will do. Like it or not, that is my dad, and my little sister, and my dad's house, and so long as my dad says it's okay, I have just as much right to be there as that dumb bitch. Probably more since I'll be paying half the rent and doing majority of the chores.
Thread: Burning Bridges (A lousy pun title for my journal)

Confession time to no one in particular, I guess... I'm feeling so down right now it hurts... My boyfriend is just an internet flame, and if things keep going, that's all he'll ever be. I tried as hard as I can to get us together, but he just doesn't seem to want to work with me. I can't do it alone. I don't have a job, and I don't have money to make this happen... And it feels as though he doesn't give two shits. It's been 2 years since we decided we'd be together... Two years of talking, and two years of me pulling myself off the market. I'm starting to regret it, because it seems like he's just along for the ride. I don't even know why I thought an internet relationship would be a good idea... Probably confidence issues. I'll never be pretty enough or interesting enough, or smart enough to get a guy in real life, my mind keeps telling me. So I settle for this, and tell myself I'm satisfied. But even if we do get to meet soon, what's the point? He's going into the airforce, so I won't get to be with him yet again... But he keeps saying he doesn't want to give me up... I just don't know anymore. I feel loved half the time, but the other times I just feel empty... I feel stupid about putting my heart on line, and even stupider for letting myself build emotions for someone I don't know physically... Sighs I wish I could be more confident. I wish I felt prettier, smarter, more interesting... Maybe if I liked myself and had some confidence I could get a real guy. I feel pathetic for posting about drama with an internet boyfriend, but it's the closest thing to real I've had... And I feel so fucking retarded for getting caught up in this. It just hurts... I want to cry 75 of the time, but I just can't let myself do it, because then I feel weak. I really am a fucking mess, aren't I... A stupid, fucking mess, who let herself get caught up in something pathetic and not real... Guess that's all I'll have.
Thread: Burning Bridges (A lousy pun title for my journal)

Welp, I could always take ya out on the town if you just needed a friend to run around with, get some of that human contact in your life. Nothing more, nothing less. I know I could use some contact with a non-drug addict Yakima scumbag at least.
Thread: Burning Bridges (A lousy pun title for my journal)

I just cried really, really hard for the first time in a long time. Go figure it was someone who's supposed to give a damn that made me cry. I ask for help on an application, she makes me feel stupid about not knowing, even though this is the first time I've had to fill out apps. She decides I'm getting attitude. I tell her I'm not. She hands me my applications back saying I'm not even gonna help you considering you're getting a nasty attitude. I'm like One, I'm not getting an attitude. I just calmly said I know about something. Two, if I was it's because you're constantly making digs at my intelligence and making me feel like shit. So she tells me Well, it's your fault for acting like you know everything. Obviously I didn't, because I went to her for help big fucking mistake. Things escalate and I tell her if she doesn't want me getting upset with her to stop yelling at me and putting me down. She then proceeds to tell if I don't like it, leave. So I said fine, I was gone. I'm now sitting in my room, packing to go live with my father, which isn't a much better option. I absolutely wish I had some backbone, because I would have said things that would have hurt her just as bad as she hurt me. But I couldn't. I couldn't do it because I was too weak. The idea of hurting someone else makes me hurt worse... So I couldn't do it. I just stood there and let myself be a target... And I pretty much hate myself for that. God, I wish I could break her down like she does me on a daily basis.
Thread: Burning Bridges (A lousy pun title for my journal)

Moved in with my dad. Okayish. Just got a call today! I have an interview for Staples at 430! I am soooo pumped!
Thread: Burning Bridges (A lousy pun title for my journal)

Hope you got it Miss Burn.
Thread: Burning Bridges (A lousy pun title for my journal)

So I should find out if I got it this week. I want a job, but I was kinda hoping to get one where I am living, because the GTA doesn't really run on my schedule and I don't want to move back to the place I was. But I will if I get the job.
Thread: Burning Bridges (A lousy pun title for my journal)

Got yet another interview. This one is with Subway. But go figure, my WA Food Handlers Card has come up missing. Fuck my life.
Thread: Burning Bridges (A lousy pun title for my journal)

So what do you do when nothing works? I just wanna quit. Tired of fighting for good shit to happen when it never fucking does. I don't wanna try anymore... I just want to call it quicks. I'm sick of people tearing me down. I'm not good enough? Fuck all. I don't care anymore... I'm never going to please anyone, no matter what the fuck I do, so get the fuck off my case. I'm tired of people only treating me human when they want something... And I'm sick and fucking tired of being alone. No one jumps to my defense when shit goes wrong. No matter how right I am, I'm the one who gets ganged up on. I get it. I ain't worth shit to anyone who cares. Dad You're just too fucking lazy to care. Just as long as someone is there to pick up the slack when your slut of a younger daughter fucks around. Mom Ya know, there aren't enough ways for me to describe how much you've hurt me. Pissed off at me cause I don't call? Pick up the fucking phone and call me occasionally. You're the parent. Make things happen. It's not just my job... Sister Go choke on a dick. That is all. You're not even worth the time to bother with. Littlest sister Go choke on a dick. I'm sure the aforementioned sister can teach you to do it, you sniveling little turncoat. God forbid you're asked to do anything outside of your easy ass chores. As soon as you get in trouble, you turn on whoever called you on it. Dad's GF Piss off. You're not the reason for what success I have managed to scrounge up. That was all fucking me. That diploma? It says my name, not yours. You didn't earn it. I did. I did my homework. I studied. I got good grades. I worked hard to be a good officer in speech and debate. Not. Fucking. YOU. Boyfriend Grow a fucking pair! Help me out. It's not just on me to get you here for a visit. And if it's going to be then fuck it. It's obvious you don't want it if you can't be bothered to help me out, damnit. I've put 2 years of my life on hold for you. Don't make me regret it.
Thread: Burning Bridges (A lousy pun title for my journal)

Very tired, but I did get the Subway job. Which makes me very happy. I needed something to go right.
Thread: Burning Bridges (A lousy pun title for my journal)

I give up on the other journal. I can't find the bright side to everything... Sometimes it just isn't there. Like today. I woke up feeling so miserable I wanted to cry. I hate this life... I'm very close to losing any motivation to keep going... I feel so alone right now, I wish I could just disappear. I hate the town I live in. There's no one here for me. There's not good outlet for me to make friends, because I didn't go to school here. This town is small. That is the only outlet people have with which to make likeminded friends. I hate this place, but I'm stuck here. I don't feel like trying anymore. I've tried for 9 years to make things good in my life... And they just don't work. God has a reason for everything, it's said. But what's the reason for me waking up each day, wishing I hadn't? I don't see the reason anyone should just wish they'd stop being. Why does it have to be me who feels this way? Selfish question, I know, because there are others, but why me? Why can't I be different? I wish I wasn't around anymore. I'm tired of waking up, and realizing it's another day alone for me. The realization is a killer. The only time things are okay is when he's around... But what about the rest of the time? I can't do this anymore. God, I wish something would just happen to take me away. I'm don't wanna do this anymore, and I don't wanna feel this anymore. But don't worry. I'll never just be another number... I would never be the one to end my own life. I fear dying to much to induce it myself. Even if they thoughts are there, I don't think I could ever actually make it happen.
Thread: Burning Bridges (A lousy pun title for my journal)

Fuck my life. I don't even care anymore. Had a dream last night that I would lose him. Sad thing is, I have no doubt I will. He deserves something better than I can give. He deserves a girl who he doesn't have to keep tabs on lest she wake up one day and decide to off herself. He deserves someone who doesn't come with so much ex-drama. He deserves someone who's there more than once a month. And I just can't give it to him... And he deserves someone a lot prettier. It's bad when even your younger sisters don't miss a chance to tell you you a fatass, or call you a whale or a hippo. I just don't even care anymore... Let them keep pushing me and treating me like shit... Someday I won't be around to be the punching bag. Maybe sooner than they think... That's okay. Not like they'd miss me. It's been made clear that life was better when I wasn't around. I don't care anymore. Fuck them. I don't need family. I don't really need any of this shit. More and more I wish I could just splatter my brains against the fucking wall. Maybe that'd get a reaction out of them. Maybe they'd realize then what they do to me when they tell me I'm worthless or fat or ugly. But I doubt it. They don't care. They'd just think I'd finally cracked. It would just be about damn time. And they'd only miss me when they realized that there was something I used to do that they have to now. shrugs Maybe dad would act sad for a little bit. But he'd move on quick enough. The sisters would probably dance on my fucking grave. I don't care. There's a special place in hell for them. Prolly not to far from the spot I'll no doubt inhabit at some point. I just hate. I'm done trying to rationalize why they need to break me down for laughs. I just hate them, and I hope they suffer. This is what I've become. Something vengeful, and angry, and miserable. Shame I could never off myself. Being a chicken fucking sucks. Whatever. Eventually I'll just shut down and stop responding to all this.. That'll be the best way.
Thread: Burning Bridges (A lousy pun title for my journal)

hugs Burny Firstly, you're not ugly. Secondly, you're not a fatass. Thirdly, you are worth something!!!!! Fourthly, not wanting to follow through with 'offing' yourself tells me this... there's at least a shred in there somewhere you do think is worth something. Focus on it, embrace it and know that you mean something to at least someone out there, if not more. 333333333 much love to you, sweetie, I'm thinking about you
Thread: Burning Bridges (A lousy pun title for my journal)

You, my dear, are one of the prettiest ladies I know. Do not let those idiots drag you down. You have a man who loves you, dearly, and accepts you for EVERYTHING you are. WHO ELSE AM I GONNA SHARE RECIPES WITH D Keep in mind he chose you out of all the pretty little girls.
Thread: Burning Bridges (A lousy pun title for my journal)

You're definitely not ugly. Or a fatass. Though I am not in a position to make assertions about the whys and hows of your life, I'm very confident that you do have a lot to contribute. If it hasn't occurred to you already maybe you could consider that some people are just trying to bring you down because you have a vibrancy they lack or to shore up their own personal failings.
Thread: Burning Bridges (A lousy pun title for my journal)

I have never, ever felt quite so alone in my life. The people who are supposed to care, just don't... Like my dad. I tried to tell him I was depressed and I needed some help. He just told me it was normal and I'd get over it... Thanks dad... I feel so lost right now. I'm sick of crying. And one of the only people who seems to care is stationed clear in Germany... Goddamn, what did I do to merit this kind of hell? I swear it must have been bad to feel like this every day.... I musta kicked children and stole candy from small puppies to deserve this... All there is now is anger and sadness, and a feeling of hopelessness that just won't stop.
Thread: Burning Bridges (A lousy pun title for my journal)

I HAVE NO REGRETS. Hmmm, that feels good to say. Things happened how they happened for a reason. He was ill prepared for anything serious, and it's best I learned that quick. I love him still, because it doesn't just go away, but I know this wasn't my fault regardless of what he says, and I know now not to be so trusting of people. I will be strong. I will move on, and fuck anyone who tries and slow my progress down. Planning on moving to Texas to be with the people who mean the most to me. I got to headlong into this, and forgot about what's most important. My friends. But they forgive me, and where they are is home for me. I will always know that people care. How I lost sight of that is beyond me. But now I know, and I will be happy, and I will be with my friends. I've also been given the opportunity to be a sceneryinking artist in a webcomic. Pretty awesome if you ask me. Other good news. I've got my birth certificate. I've got my school transcript. I have everything I need to get my social security card and my state ID. GO ME! No more being turned down when I go to buy energy shots. XD As it is, I'm putting off my goal of Northwest College of art. It is postponed, not erased. I will go to a community college in Texas, then once I'm stronger and less freaked out, I will come back to WA and pursue my studies at NCA. As a last not, fuck you kharma! I'm making things happen for myself. You lose control now. Bye bye. XP
Thread: Burning Bridges (A lousy pun title for my journal)

Good lord, I NEVER said it was your fault.
Thread: Burning Bridges (A lousy pun title for my journal)

You sure as hell made it seem that way. Telling me how I was weak and so on. How it didn't work because I was immature. That is most definitely what it sounded like from the point of view I was reading from. But I don't care. I'm putting this in my past, as I don't see a need to linger on past hurts. You wanted me to move on and make things happen for myself. I'm going down tomorrow, opening a bank account, doing commissions till I have enough money to take a bus to Wenatchee, and I'm getting my social security card. From there I'll get my ID, just so I have something to fall back on when I need to get my Texas state ID. You wanted me to move on and change things for myself. So I'm doing that. Now this goes in the past, as I'm quite done thinking on our fling. shrugs I mean no ill will or hard feelings to you, because frankly, you warned me before what you were like, so it's my own naivite that got me in this mess.
Thread: Father Knows Best (Dawn Dearest & Tyr)

Elixa Slowly, the young girl walked into the one story home. She sneaked a glance around hoping her mother wouldn't be up. Suddenly the hall light flicked on. Blinking in the brightness Elixa looked up into her mother's face, obvious anger covered her mothers features. Where the hell have you been? her mother yelled as Elixa closed the door slowly. Elixa had been gone for three days now. She hadn't bothered calling her mother or anything. Looking at her mother carefully she spoke slowly and carefully. Out...why? she stared at her mother slowly then began walking to her room. She could hear a huff from behind her and turned around, glancing at her mother, she saw her mothers face pale, she knew why. The seventeen year old girl had gone behind her mother's back and gotten her tongue pierced. Of course, she wouldn't admit to wanting it. Her friends had dared her to get it. So she did...she never turned a dare down. Her mothers high pitched voice broke out over her thoughts. What the hell is in your tongue? This ended it, glaring she stormed into her room, and grabbed articles of clothing and stuffed them into her bag. She continued glaring as she jumped out her bedroom window and took off running down the street. She knew where she would go... her fathers.... Although she wasn't positive where that was, she slung her bag over her shoulder drawing her sweater tighter around her midriff she continued walking. Soon enough she reached the club house. Lucky enough she remembered where that was....
Thread: Father Knows Best (Dawn Dearest & Tyr)

The clubhouse as it was called, was the home of the Soldiers of Satan, a local bike gang. Most of the membership was comprised little more than hoodlum and criminals. The building served both as a meeting place, workshop, and tavern. Though they didnt have a tavern license that did little to dissuade the group from enjoying alcohol and selling it to those they wanted to. The building was in an industrial district where it wouldnt bother or raise anyone eyebrows. Surrounded by large tall building the only light was that at the door, shining down on a mural of Satan riding a bike followed by flames, that burned and destroyed everything behind the figure. Parked outside were rows of motorcycles, most customized and altered to their owners specific requirements. Outside there where people hanging out and talking, most had cans of beer andor cigarettes as they hung out. The standard attire seemed to be a combination of jeans, leather, and t-shirts. Large boots and even leather pants werent uncommon. The mixture was equal men and woman, one pair was even making out while sitting on a bike. They seemed unconcerned that anyone was watching, as the man openly groped the girl. If someone were to make it inside, which usually was limited to club members or direct friends, they would see tables strewn about as even more people relaxed and partied. A small bar on one wall had people drinking heavier things, and taking shots. The music blared some form of older rock and heavy metal. Many guys sat in chairs with women resting on their laps as they talked. A layer of smoke hung from the ceiling as a wild party was in motion. One girl obvious seeking attention was doing an impromptu strip routine as several of them cheered her on. The aroma of other things besides regular cigarettes was easily discernable to those that could smell.
Thread: Father Knows Best (Dawn Dearest & Tyr)

Finally rounding the corner, she saw the 'clubhouse' a sigh escaped the girls pink lips. Elixa moved the last few steps and reached the building. She looked at the bikers and nodded swiftly and quickly. She knew most of them knew her because of her father, she looked around quickly as she strode up to the door. Her gaze moved down her body, making sure everything was still in the same place. She hoped to find her father here. She inhaled quickly and looked around again. Wondering where he was, if he was inside or outside somewhere.
Thread: Father Knows Best (Dawn Dearest & Tyr)

Spike spotted her first, as she came up to the door. If she wasnt the bosses kid, he would have tried to nail her years ago. Oh she was jailbait, but when it looked that good who cared. So he steps away from the porch covering the entrance door and greets her. What are you doing here sweetheart? It's a little past your bedtime isnt it? Spike didnt dare make a move on her or he might end up dead in some alley with a knife through the chest. Still looking her over, he wasnt sure it wouldnt be worth it. Damn that girl knew how to fill out an outfit.
Thread: Father Knows Best (Dawn Dearest & Tyr)

Elixa looked up and grinned at Spike she let go of the front of her sweater shouldering her bag once more. Spike, I haven't had a bedtime in four years. she laughed softly, the sound coming from deep within her, and reaching her eyes. She knew her tongue ring was showing and she didn't care, she hardly expected anyone here to question her or have some form of concern she then added to her first sentence. Is my father here? Her green eyes searching everything around her.
Thread: Father Knows Best (Dawn Dearest & Tyr)

Spike just raises an eyebrow, from all the shit Alex talked about his ex wife, it sounded like this kid lived in some kind of hell. Then again he didnt understand why anyone would have a ball and chain. So Spike the confirmed bachelor laughs with her, raises his hand and with his thumb indicates the door behind him. Head inside. He should be back in a little while he had some business to take care of. Spike didnt say he was selling drugs to a dealer, after they brought them up through Mexico last week. As she laughed he saw the tongue piercing, and his thoughts involuntarily goes to an image of her sucking his cock. Quickly putting that aside, he moves out of her way so she can enter the clubhouse. Spike reaches over and holds the door for her as the blare of music comes flooding out.
Thread: Father Knows Best (Dawn Dearest & Tyr)

Elixa grinned at Spike, then kissed her palm and blew a quick kiss at him. Yes, she was a flirt. Always had been. Thanks Spike. She entered the club house, holding her bag to her, she looked around trying to find one familiar face, she stepped forward and sighed softly. Okay, even though the smells she could deal without, this was much better then dealing with her mother. She rolled her shoulder, ignoring the fact that her sweater sleeve slid down a bit.