Thread: Got Beer? (MxFFFFF, humor)

DISCLAIMER This is a piece of fiction. Its characters have not even begun to contemplate such things, mostly because said characters do not exist. Any imagined resemblance to people living or deceased is either the result of dementia on the reader's part or that the reader is, in fact, a character in this story. None of these are conditions to be proud of, and it would not be wise to draw attention to one's self by claiming any similarity. It is assumed that readers of this story have the permission of the state, mom, dad, and the pastor and are able to fully tell the difference between real and make-believe. If not, you really ought not to read this it'll rot your brain out. Furthermore, the writer is aware that he is bound for hell, but welcomes both praise orand well thought out, humourous insults on his writing skill or lack there of. Note he already knows he cannot spell warth shet. The events and descriptions of this story are the sole property of Kenny N Gamera and should not be recorded, reposted, or profited from in anyway without express written permission of the person hiding behind that pen name. Reposting and free archiving may be tolerated given the writer's name and address remains attached. Archiving by Deja.Com, and ASSTRASSM is assumed and encouraged. Thanks go to Souvie for proofing. Remember, the fuck-ups still belong to me. Thank You and Good Day, Kenny N Gamera Got Beer? or Harping with Kenny by Kenny N Gamera Mistake number one, answering the door. There was one of each outside my apartment. The blonde was blonde Do I have to spell out what I mean? with largish tits that were crowned with nipples the size of a sewing thimble. The brunette wore her hair short around her shoulders and pushed back behind her earlobes. The redhead was tall and thin, with freckles in all the important places freckles like to hang out. The black girl was the colour of fine dark chocolate. The Asian girl had the small, just-a- mouthful breasts that I crave the most. Each stood in the hall without a stitch of clothing, hands behind her back. I slammed the door shut. Okay, I know I'm loco, but women are not known for waiting outside my door, even with clothes on. To see five attractive young women outside my door was a shock to my system. To see five attractive, naked young women outside my door was proof positive that my system was out of order and maybe even out to lunch. I looked through the peephole. I saw five naked women arranged in two ranks, tallest in back, shortest in front. All looked at the door expectantly. I went Erp a normal thing to do when one realizes that one has finally gone out of his freaking gourd and against my better judgment SOP opened the door. Hello, they chanted together, Mr. Gamera. Erp! I slammed the door shut. I began to shake. I continued to doubt my sanity. I opened the door again. Each held out her right hand. In her grip was a six pack of beer. A really good beer of Irish origin. If a certain whiskey is my darling, then that beer is my sweetheart. We brought beer, they chanted in chorus, Mr. Gamera. I slammed the door shut. I began to shake. Violently. There was a soft tap on the door. I tried to resist, but I could not. I was trapped in some horrible spell. This is just a weird dream you are having,' I told myself as my hand reached for the door handle. I peeped around the crack I had made in the door. Again, there were the five girls, each a different flavour. Still, each held out a six pack of beer. I felt my will crumbling. Then I heard it - the crinkling sound of cellophane packaging, as each moved her left hand from behind her back. We brought pork rinds, they chanted as one voice, Mr. Gamera. I was theirs. The second mistake - letting them in. The cats did the sensible thing they were under the futon hiding. I laid on top of it, my head resting in the lap of the ample blonde. The brunette held a pint glass of lager for me to sip while the Asian girl placed porkrinds into my mouth. The black girl and the redhead played tongue hockey on my dick. My hands were like Caesar - just a roamin'. Like an idiot, I thought I was in heaven. After a moment, the two feeding me traded with the two eating me. I got to enjoy the new sensations of different talents. The redhead had concentrated on the head of my dick while the black girl had paid greater attention to the shaft. The Asian, however, went straight to my balls. The brunette, well, she went straight to work. On the first try, she swallowed me, and I darn near choked on the porkrind the redhead had popped into my mouth. The blonde kissed my forehead and wiped the crumbs of deep fried pig's skin from my cheeks with the back of her hand. No one offered me anything else as the two between my legs finished their task at hand. Finally, with a scream of victory and a cream of great proportions, I came into the cute brunnete's mouth. With apparent practiced ease, she swallowed every drop. A shame because I like seeing that last bit which sometimes runs from the corner of the mouth down the chin. Mind you, this was an omen. Things were about to turn ugly. With a capital UGH! A sigh escaped from me, and I sagged deeper into the cleft between the buxom blonde's thighs. She looked down at me and said the first words that any of them had uttered on their own, and the first since they offered me the pork rinds. It is our turn now. Sure, what do you want me to do, eat each of you out? No, said the black girl, we want something kinky. Well, I'm not into too much that's really weird. Is it golden showers? No, answered the redhead. Well? I wondered out loud. We want you... started the Asian. ... to throw a thesaurus at us, finished the brunette. WHAT?! Throw a thesaurus at us, squealed the blonde excitedly. Please, Mr. Gamera, went the black girl. Pretty please, went the redhead. With sugar on top, went the Asian. We really need it bad, Mr. Gamera, went the brunette. Erp, went me in the middle of the bed. I don't know if I have a thesaurus. YOU WHAT! cried the five, back into unison mode. I jumped from the futon and ran to one of the bookshelves. I searched for anything I could find that might work. A French-English dictionary, hardly used? NO GOOD! they replied. A concise dictionary of philosophy? RUBBISH! they declared. A dictionary of ecology? UNFRIENDLY! they roared. A dictionary of geology, soft cover? TOO SOFT! they answered. A misspeller's dictionary? TOO LATE! Each got up from the futon and marched towards me, arms swinging and breasts swaying. The blonde picked up the misspeller's dictionary and clouted me on the head. Cad! The black girl took the geology dictionary and followed suit. Jerk! The redhead took the ecology dictionary and bonked me good. Asshole! The Asian girl used the philosophy dictionary. Dick! The brunette grabbed the French-English dictionary, did her worst, and shouted, White, heterosexual male! They walked to the door, stopped, and turned to look at me. They glared with contempt. Men! You are all the same. I never saw them again for the rest of my life. Afterword The was writen as a response to a response on assd on usenet. Someone posted that old one How to seduce a woman? How to seduce a man? The first answer is a list of tender actions and the second is show up nake with beer. The response I responded to? You want me to throw a thesaurus at you?