Thread: Thoughts and reflections, please let me know what you think

Well, I've been here on BMR for about ten days or so. I have discovered somethings about myself and reaffirmed others. I have found a couple really good RPs and seen one or two disappointments. I've universally met some pretty awesome people. I've had my primary purpose for being her put on hold and am starting to get a little frustrated at that and that the one plot I really want to work on with a very literate and well though out co story teller keeps getting blank looks or immediate excitement then nothing. I did have it tried once, but that did not go well. I have discovered that I do have an undiscovered kink. Incest. This really really surprised me. I genuinely had no idea at all. I am shocked at myself at how much I am enjoying it. I mean I do know there is a disconnect between writing and acting or ever fantasizing, which I have never done. But the writing and reading has deeply drawn me in. I have also been told that a couple of the things that i have always done that I thought that just made me a good lover were supposedly kinks. See, I love to give oral. I mean I really really love it. I can do it for hours. I can honestly, with no shame say my favorite flavor is woman. I am also told that my need to make my partner climax so many time and so hard that she has to beg me to stop, often times with tears in her eyes from the pleasure. Like I said, I never thought of these things as kinks, just things that made me a good lover. Little did I know. I reaffirmed that I cannot just not write BDSM, but I cannot even read it either. Violence toward women, any violence toward women makes me violent. I have been in six fights in my life, five of them have been in response to a violent act towards a woman. I have had to draw my gun six times in my life, four of those have been in response to, yeah you guessed it, violence to women. I even blacked out once and almost killed a man for slapping a friend. So yeah I do not respond well to violence toward women. Just in case you are curious the other two times I have had to draw on someone was once in the military and the other during the short time I was a prison guard. I tied to this particular plot line that leaned heavily toward BDSM and it just was not rewarding for either of us. I will admit, freely I only did it, firstly because I was interested in the challenge and then stayed with it because I really like my gaming partner. But like I said I could not, no matter how hard I tried, give her what she needed and wanted. I do feel shamed by that singular failing. But such is life. I am in an RP the forums right now that I am loving and very much enjoy building I hope a solid friendship with the young lady I am gaming with. Its turning into a really good experience. I am in a very rewarding PM RP too. I am also in a couple RP in PM that I am uncertain about but am enjoying for them for what they are. Two have proven to be pure smut, which is new to me, but enjoyable for what it is and eye opening to boot. Virtually everyone I've met here so far have been fantastic. I really enjoy writing with those that I have been writing with. They seem generally intelligent and certainly have their hearts in their RPing. I have interacted with a couple of people that I haven't RPd with or the RP just didn't peter out, but they have been pretty good folks too. I am pleasantly surprised by the quality of people here, I would not have thought coming in that this would be so universally the case, but it has been. My primary reason for being here has been to explore questions of morality, particularly in relation to my primary character. I've put the poor bastard throw some serious changes in recent months and pushed his sense of morality to a beating. I have wanted to see how far i could push him till he broke. That opportunity has not been forth coming, but such is life. The plot that i really wanted to work was a different matter all together. Again I love a challenge and have seen a certain pattern in the incest story lines here. I really wanted to take a different approach and see what happened. Like I said i started once, but that partner immediately went off script and started to try to turn my serious work into an anime. I had to bow out. That plot line is as follows, if anyone is curious and possibly wants to work on it with me My plot pitch. I am thinking a landed Lord in a High Fantasy or Medieval setting. Either fatherdaughter or brothersister, but not following the standard format. You know, normal relationship, till they begin to notice each other and are either thrown into a compromising situation or they are overcome by hormones. That's fine and well, but a bit cliche. I want something original. I want it to be a conscious and willing choice. I want it to be a true romance story, just with a twist. Of course for years its a purely normal relationship if a little too familiar. In literature there is a theme about the perfect life o the Garden of Eden and the the corruption of the world. The bliss of purity and innocence of Eden versus the adult concerns and appearances and pragmatism of the cold cruel world. I want their relationship to be their Eden and everything else the corrupt world. So at some point and for some reason they chose to accept their love for each other. Perhaps it is to get around the a law that requires all owners of land over a certain age to be married. Perhaps they at some point realize they will never find anybody that will love them as much as they love one another. Maybe they wake up one morning and discover they had unknowingly had these romantic I can't stress enough that it not just to be sexual feelings for each other all along. Or they come to realize they are too jealous of each other to allow room in their lives for anyone else. Then they have to decide on it together and decide to hide it or not care who knows. Deal with the public opinion and rumors about them. Again, this should come across more of a romance story than a story just about incest. Well for now that's all I think I have, but if I come up with anything more i will certainly post again. Please leave comments. I eagerly await you guys and gals opinions and reactions. Thank you for your time and interest in my random musings.