Whitzz/544K-RP-Datasets huggingface dataset:
Thread: let me bust your creative balls [brutal feedback thread]

howisyou said ...Fuck it. I can take criticism. I've had Drill Sergeants. But...keep it sane with your critiques, please? xD My non-fandom and fandom threads alike have been lackluster in replies. I will post both here, but feel free to only take a look at one. Click to expand... first and foremost, i want to sincerely thank you for your service in the armed forces. please try and stay safe. secondly i went through your non-fandom search thread and couldn't find any glaring evidence of why you're not getting at least somewhat quality replies. you're articulate, you have a sense of humor, you're well-balanced .. perhaps an in-depth analysis would yield more conclusive results, hmm? reply to the email i sent you and we can work something out
Thread: let me bust your creative balls [brutal feedback thread]

riahxoxo said first and foremost, i want to sincerely thank you for your service in the armed forces. please try and stay safe. secondly i went through your non-fandom search thread and couldn't find any glaring evidence of why you're not getting at least somewhat quality replies. you're articulate, you have a sense of humor, you're well-balanced .. perhaps an in-depth analysis would yield more conclusive results, hmm? reply to the email i sent you and we can work something out Click to expand... I never received an email. I will send a PM your way instead.
Thread: let me bust your creative balls [brutal feedback thread]

Storm clouds rolled over what should have been a clear night sky. The ominous smog of grey hid the twinkling stars from view and blocked out the light of the full moon. Veins of lightning scattered through the cumulonimbus like the webbing of spiders. Thunder roared with the echo of horrible screams that vibrated the air. It hung thick, moisture filling the atmosphere and bringing about a foggy mist that clung to the city streets like thick blankets. A pause, a moment of silence as a streak of light left the heavens. Pure electricity hit the ground, power lines snapped, transformers exploded into sparks and the resounding boom of thunder rattled the windows of mortals all across the city. And left on the smoldering ground in a deserted ally way a now pitiful looking creature lay. Nude aside from a flimsy cloth around his waist, blood drenching his back and face. I don't need you! the creature called into the heavy air. The heat of the asphalt under his vulnerable form was foreign, the weight of gravity even more so as his muscles strained to push himself up. Visions in the mind's eye, a fleeting face, a sweetly called name, the lingerings of a kiss lost on his lips. He crawled forward in desperation, reaching out blindly. You're no one without me. A voice that boomed in his head. You're no one to me. A voice that broke his heart. And then it started to fade, his face, his touch. The memory of a forbidden love fading into nothing but a lingering feeling he didn't understand. Stumbling to his feet only to fall back onto his knees he threw his head back. Are you happy now?! He yowled, voice drowned out by the crack of thunder and a flash of light. Without him, you're nothing. I'm no one! Eye lids were forced open, exposing open, bloody sockets to the sky. Another crack that rocked the city and the sky opened up. Heavy ran came in sheets and the creature cried his pain, ducking his head and hiding the vulnerable holes with his hands. I'm no one! The cleansing rain fall washed away the blood on his back, exposing the white, hollow bones poking out of the nubs of flesh and feathers on his shoulder blades. Once his iridescent onyx wings could make even the most beautiful ravens weep with envy. Now they were nothing more then bloody stumps, a perfect example of God's loving mercy. Locks of ebony now clung to his body, now frozen under the assault of icy rain. I'm no one... It came as a choked whisper as his muscular body quivered in the chill. He'd never felt such a thing before. My name... the final memories washed away, leaving him with an emptiness deep in his chest and a hollow pain in his belly. Is No-One. come at me bro
Thread: let me bust your creative balls [brutal feedback thread]

James London said Seeing as you're your own worst critic, I doubt you'll be worse than me. Cliche as it is, the only difference between someone whose successful and someone whose a failure, is the person who successful kept getting back up after failing. To make things interesting, one post will be an intro and an another will be a regular post. Click to expand... holy shit, where do i even start with these monsters? - it's obvious you write as you think and despite popular opinion, that isn't necessarily a good thing. it means that run-on sentences, text walls, choppy flow, etc abound in your writing, dear sir. not even halfway through reading, i got a massive headache and wanted to stop. you clearly have a good grasp on vocabulary and content, although if you're going to write out every reaction your character has, you ought to make use of the quotes function so readers like me don't get confused. the text walls are also an issue. who the fuck told you that it's okay to write 900-sentence paragraphs? unless you're trying to make your partners' eyes bleed, use six sentence paragraphs instead. you need to work on your flow. google 'writing flow' and read the first 47895 results. something in there might help. also, the difference between whose and who's is vital. please realize this.
Thread: let me bust your creative balls [brutal feedback thread]

riahxoxo said James London said Seeing as you're your own worst critic, I doubt you'll be worse than me. Cliche as it is, the only difference between someone whose successful and someone whose a failure, is the person who successful kept getting back up after failing. To make things interesting, one post will be an intro and an another will be a regular post. Click to expand... holy shit, where do i even start with these monsters? - it's obvious you write as you think and despite popular opinion, that isn't necessarily a good thing. it means that run-on sentences, text walls, choppy flow, etc abound in your writing, dear sir. not even halfway through reading, i got a massive headache and wanted to stop. you clearly have a good grasp on vocabulary and content, although if you're going to write out every reaction your character has, you ought to make use of the quotes function so readers like me don't get confused. the text walls are also an issue. who the fuck told you that it's okay to write 900-sentence paragraphs? unless you're trying to make your partners' eyes bleed, use six sentence paragraphs instead. you need to work on your flow. google 'writing flow' and read the first 47895 results. something in there might help. also, the difference between whose and who's is vital. please realize this. Click to expand... At the start I hope. And here I thought I was going to be lauded with praise, but I did ask for critique. I'm not surprised about the run on sentences, as I throw commas around liberally, but text walls? It might just be the site, but most of my paragraphs are six to seven sentences. Though I avoid going into every little detail, I can understand the confusion to someone not participating in the roleplay. 900 sentence paragraphs? Like I said above most of my paragraphs range from six to seven sentences, rarely going more than nine. To think I strive to vary the length of my sentences... Fair point. Thanks for the advice, riahxoxo. I'll have to take another look at my posts, now that I have a different perspective.
Thread: let me bust your creative balls [brutal feedback thread]

align At the start I hope. And here I thought I was going to be lauded with praise, but I did ask for critique. Click to expand... you did, indeed. I'm not surprised about the run on sentences, as I throw commas around liberally, but text walls? It might just be the site, but most of my paragraphs are six to seven sentences. Click to expand... oh, are there? hm. the text walls could be my device---i can check in the morning. Thanks for the advice, riahxoxo. I'll have to take another look at my posts, now that I have a different perspective. Click to expand... aww, you're welcome, qt. come back anytime, ok? and remember there is no right or wrong way to write.
Thread: The Clients {Magicgirl1 & Malfrost}

Music pumped through the building as Maureen walked into it nodding to the security guard who smiled at her as she walked by. Inside girls were walking around with trays moving from the bar to the tables filled with men. Other girls danced on the tables or poles that were around the room. Some were giving lap dances, Maureen smiled as she walked through the crowd and to the back of the club to a large door that said Employees only In bright red paint. She pushed the door open looking at the changing room filled with girls changing and fixing their makeup. Some girls wore certain outfits while others were just in lace of different colours Maureen, your working room five tonight. The manager Sarah told her as she looked around at the other girls Room five, got it!. Maureen said going to change. Once she was fitted into her school girl outfit she smiled at herself in the mirror fixing her makeup and hair before walking down the hall to room five. The room was simple, it had a small table with two chairs and a bed along with its own little bar with a fridge of its own filled with drinks. The back rooms were for the big paying clients where things got a little more personal then just a few touches here and there while stuffing bills down the girls bras or panties. Here clients got the whole deal, they could use the girls however they wanted. Maureen crossed the room to sit on the bed and wait for her client to come in.
Thread: The Clients {Magicgirl1 & Malfrost}

Into the room walked a young man in his mid twenties. He had crew cut brown hair and wore a suit and glasses. He looked at Maureen and smiled, licking his lips as he did so. His lust and desire for the girl was clearly visible in his eyes as he took a seat in one of the chair and motioned to Maureen. Please fetch me a glass of whisky and then put on a nice strip tease and lap dance for me. He commanded her with a grin. He had already paid a lot of money, so he expected good service, and he wanted to take it slow.
Thread: The Clients {Magicgirl1 & Malfrost}

Maureen watched the man walk into the room. Her eyes ran over him, his type was one of the usuals to be seen in the club. The young, rich men were always the popular onces. They were able to last longer then some of the older clients. When she ordered her to get the drink she smiled Of course sir why don't you take a seat and get comfortable. Getting off the bed and moving to the bar getting a glass and filling it with the best whiskey. She smiled from the bar as she put the bottle away My name is Maureen. She said as she walked over to the man handing him the glass. She smiled at him turning slightly, she only wore a small white blouse that was tied in the front, showing off her pale tonned stomach and hips, and a short blue skirt that hardly covered anything so her white thong was visible slightly. She spread her legs slightly and bent at the hips the skirt moving to show off her perfect ass she ran her hands up her legs and stood straight once more turning back to look at the client before moving to straddle him on the chair pressing her breasts into him as she moved her hips.
Thread: Sunspear

For most of Elias life, she was confident in her position. The eldest trueborn granddaughter of the House Allyrion, it was her birthright. The presence of an older bastard brother did not concern her, he would not take what was rightfully hers. She was Dornish that she was a woman was no obstacle to holding her ancestral throne. And yet, her brother had reached above his station. One of Princess Ariannes many consorts, and one of those who was foolish enough to fall for her. Foolish enough to ask for her hand. Dorne might have been accepting of a great many things, but a bastard was never going to marry the heir to Sunspear. A bastard could never be a proper match, but an Allyrion might be She would not be passed over. She was the trueborn heir! In her veins flowed the blood of ancient Dorne, the union of the Yronwoods and Allyrions made flesh. Yet it was the Bastard of Godsgrace who accompanied her father and the Red Viper to King Landing, instead of his trueborn daughter. Was he trying to usurp her position? If he was legitimized, he could marry the princess and steal her rightful heritage. It was what drove her to join the Scarlett Rose, to proudly wear the red flower just behind her left ear, visible when her curly hair was pinned up to the side. When Princess Myrcella Baratheon came to Dorne, engaged to the youngest Martell, Elia made her second political move of her young life. She attached herself to the young princess, knowing that positioning herself of Myrcellas Lady in waiting would give her good position to negotiate a proper marriage. A marriage that would ensure her brother could not steal Godsgrace from her. This day she sang for the young girl. She was rather well known for a bawdier version of The Dornishmens Wife which ended on a more playful than the original, but it was certainly not an appropriate song for the young girl. Instead she deferred to the girl, who had grown quite fond of her lively rendition of The Bear and the Maiden Fair, where she danced about and slapped her knee in time with the verse. She kicked and wailed, the maid so fair, But he licked the honey from her hair. Her hair! Her hair! He licked the honey from her hair! Myrcella laughed at this part, too young and innocent to get the innuendo implied. Elia laughed too, hard enough to lose her place in the song, as servants brought up the young girls meal, and her betrothed. Elia bowed, and took her leave, wandering the castle for a time, for something to do with herself.
Thread: Maid for you... {Chasseybaby ~ deadmanshand}

The tour was short but sweet. It was after all the home of a bachelor. Rooms were well designed - obviously an outside influence as he seemed to take little note of it - but only a few were really used. What was obviously meant to be an office had slowly become some kind of man cave complete with video games and home theater. A bedroom that could only be described as rumpled. A gym complete with hot tub and sauna. And about a half dozen other rooms he had not an idea of what to do with. It was something of a recurring theme in his life. I know how to live don't I? Gideon asked with bitter edged sarcasm like he was swallowing broken glass. His mood had soured with the interview on tv and grew worse as the pain of each step nagged at him. Never pointed at Evy though. It was a directionless bitterness. A home most would kill for and I use 3 rooms. Seems a waste.
Thread: Maid for you... {Chasseybaby ~ deadmanshand}

Offices are for people who work. I don't do anything, Gideon said with a deep creased frown - Except sit and ache and bitch. - before it grew into a tight smile. A rage room sounds fun though. Just a baseball bat and junk to hit with it. Might have to do that. But I think I'll skip the Red Room. Leather and chains was never my style. What is my style anymore? he asked himself. It had been far too long since he'd had to have anything resembling a bedroom style. He wasn't sure anymore that he could even remember the last time he talked to a woman who wasn't a family member or employed by him in some fashion. The last party was even longer off. You don't have to worry about startling anyone. Most days it'll be just you and me. I don't get too many visitors these days. An injured fighter is like an injured race horse. Nobody comes to see them, the once champion said trying to make it sound like a joke and failing. Nobody 'cept you now, I guess. He said the last as Evy was trying to make something presentable out of his bedroom. None of it was anything he was comfortable with. Everything was off. Wrong. Not what it should be. He should have a belt and be prepping to prove that he deserved it - not limping around like a broken hermit crab huddling in it's shell. She should be a model or movie star and not some struggling woman needing to clean up after him to make ends meet. Everything was fucked up. Gideon sighed, popped a couple vic, and left her to her work.
Thread: Maid for you... {Chasseybaby ~ deadmanshand}

The gallery was much like the other galleries he'd been to in other cities. Big, flashy, and modern. A place for rich people to gather and celebrate the fact that they were rich by buying artwork that most of them were too boorish to understand. Full of people drinking too much, talking too loud, and trying far too hard to be your friend. A throng of fake people who couldn't survive a food fight. The only real thing at most of the showings was the art. It was the kind of place that got Gideon's hackles up. But tonight he had two things that distracted him. The first being that it was a charity auction so the gathering was at least useful and the second being Evy on his arm. The second helped more than the first. He laughed at her confession - and her question - and said, Don't worry. I've actually been to a few of these before. Other charity auctions for the most part - Martin loves these for PR - but a few were for me. Picked up an original Frazetta at one. That was nice. So if you don't what to do just stick close and follow my lead. To be honest I've always had a passion for fantasy art of all stripes. Enough of one that Martin had told me to take up painting after the injury but there was one tiny problem. I don't have a lick of artistic talent. Not a jot. My attempts looked more like the finger paints of an epileptic gibbon than any serious attempt at art. Just painful, Gideon said with a rueful shake of his head as Mary spotted them and headed towards them. Pleased to meet you, Mary, he said taking in her rapid fire sentences with a bemused look. His tone was light. Joking. Actually enjoying himself. I wasn't intending to come but after seeing Evy's costume it seemed cruel to send her to a party without a bodyguard. Like throwing steak to starving dogs. What kind of man would I be to allow that? In order to shake Ted's hand he rested his cane against his hip and did a little awkward balancing act as he gripped his offered hand firmly. It might have been awkward but the fierce grin he gave was genuine. Between the costume, the work he'd done, and the grin he almost looked like he had before the accident. It was the closest he'd come to being normal in a long time as he said, I don't get it as much as I used to, Ted, but I always appreciate meeting a fan. The news about Evy's painting brought a smile to his face. He'd heard in small bits and pieces about her work but he'd never seen any of it. It was something he'd been meaning to rectify and if the auction prices were any indication it was something he needed to do so quickly. The look on her face made him laugh and the request only made that stronger. You need something better than beer, Gideon said guiding her towards the bar. Beer is for unwinding after a hard day or shitty parties. Not celebrating your first big art sell. You need something top shelf for that. After I won the belt Martin and I split a bottle of absinthe and... I don't actually remember what happened the rest of the night. Tough drink absinthe.
Thread: Maid for you... {Chasseybaby ~ deadmanshand}

Eve was a little shocked and embarrassed to say the least when he said he had been to these opening before, and she was an artist. So your saying Ive been dusting an original Frazetta all these month? I thought the thing was a knock off. Glad my art teacher isnt here to witness all this. She joked. She cocked an eyebrow at him and gave a cheeky little grin, Well then its a good thing for me that you dumped your date with the tv remote for me, she teased. She looped her arm through his, more for his befits then her own, she wanted to make this as painful as possibly. She leaned in close to his ear, so no one else could hear her, but took the advantage of savoring the husky cologne he was wearing. If you need to rest and sit down let me know. She moved away and patted his arm in a gentle gesture. Something else caught her nose and she turned as a tray was presented to her by a waiter. She smiled and started to pick one, when he told her what the dish was. Her fingers recoiled and she cleared her throat before she gagged in public. Sorry Im vegan. Giddon would know this to be a lie. Shed eat Ben and Jerrys every night if she knew it wouldnt end up going to her ass. She turned to him and gave him a look of, Dont. They kept a slow pace. Eve listened to Giddon retell how he tried to paint and she laughed in good naturally at him. As long as you have the passion, thats all you need. Art is different for everyone. Sometimes a simple line has a deep meaning. A color could be an emotion. The strokes and median a way of relaying a message. Its us as viewers to interrupt that message through their art. Sometimes people relate their own life experience through the piece. The message may be different for everyone but as long as there is a message. She smiled and winked at him as Mary and Ted approached and left. Eve laughed as she followed him to the bar, Ill have you know, thank you, he helped her up on the tall bar stool, That I attended a lot of those shitty parties and still had a good time drinking beer. The bartender looked at them both and asked what they would like. Two Absinthes please. With a nod he started to perp their drink. She turned back to Giddon, Before this stuff hits me, Ill try and remember to show you my work, though if you ask me any questions about why I did it I may give you some pretty crazy answers. She moved a disobeyed red lock of hair behind her ear, Mary said one time I got so wasted I stared stripping to lady gag on a poker table. She laughed at the memory, No before you make it into a sexy scene, keep in mind in three sheets to the wind and throwing poker chips at people not too nicely I might add. The bartender then set the two glasses before them and Eves eyes widened. Uh what the hell is that? The guy looked at her with a funny look, You asked for Absinthes right? Well thats it. He moved over to help a couple who came up to the bar. Thats not a drink thats a jack ass accident waiting to happen. She watched the blue fire melt the white cube and turned to Giddon with a surprised and uneasy expression.