Thread: Personal Journal

This has been one of those days where moods are a bit tense. Least fo rme it is. Last night Bigfoot invited a couple of friends over to enjoy themselves.. Screw that. Two of them came in and thought they would light that nasty ass plastic pipe up and get high off crack. I came in walking on my hands, got into my chair, then proceeded to smash it up into lil bits. Come to find out those things are not as easy to come by as they once were, so for at least a few days there will be peace in the land when it comes to that BS. And then there is my mood. I have no idea as to why, but I feel particularly snippy today. Might be the lack of sleep I had last night. Couldn't really stand laying down nor sitting up, so I did a roll over to each side sort of thing until almost 6 this morn. Found a couple of pictures last night of an old ex and the single pic of our child we had together. Adopting her out was about the only truly smart thing I did in my life. Doesn't always feel like it but hey, she is with a good family that could do alot better by and for her than I could. Imagine it, her sitting on Daddy's lap while he has to roll about just to get things in order or some rot like that. Snorts Not quite what I would want for a young one. See? Negative attitude today. Might also be due to my partners non reply to todays post. love her to pieces but sometimes her hectic schedule really tosses me for a loop. Least I hope she has other partners she is keeping up with. Far to sweet not to be happy. Should go outside. See if it picks this mood I am in up. Just don't want to. Guess I am in the mood to brood! Think I will lay back again and listen to some music. See if that helps. Edited an updte to save time and to keep my memory fresh. When I first lost my legs I had a gal. She was with me, hell even helped me when I first went to the hospital. She was a wonder in and of itself. So much younger than me and yet stuck with me for all those years on and off. Did what I could for her. In fact I think that even today I would lay down what's left of my life for her if she needed it. But.. Back on track. When I lost my first leg she was there. Even told me how insane I was when I was under the narcs. When I lost my 2nd leg though she went MIA. I had no idea if she were dead, alive, or just plain vanished. She was a truck driver.. Couldn't get a bead on her under convential means. Funny thing is, I was the one that pushed her to become what she always wanted. On a whim mostly because I was so dam down, I looked and found her profile on FB of all things. She had not all that long ago quit the company she worked for! Hwever, she had still kept posting on FB the entire time she and I were apart. Not really saying all that much I guess, but to know she is okay is some relief to me. Couldn't blame her for moving on. She wanted a life on the road, not some guy that couldn't even walk. She was younger than I by many a year, which meant she would outlive me as it were. Stil.. It hurt. Think in some way it does even now. I didn't do her justice in our relationship. Makes me look back and beat the old me with something heavy and probally spiked. Oh well. Guess it's something to tell Bigfoot. He knew her as well and would enjoy seeing a bit of pain in my eyes I wager. He and she never got along. She really hated those who were older than she but slow witted. He never liked the fact that she was with me and pretty and young and put him down whenever he tried to flirt with her. She hated Rednecks, he hated anyone not from the South. Heh. Guess I am just more impartial than some.