Thread: Personal Journal

Ya know, I would LOVE a little less drama in my life. Reading back I do complain alot. Today could be no exception. Without any emotion I can state that there are many out there with no concept of others than themselves. Witnessed it first hand. Bigfoot wants to act depressed over how bad his life is. Cathy stopped by today. Not surprising since oth he had our prescriptions refilled yes I paid for them both. But as I was saying, she stopped by and he sold her some of his pills. Of course he tried to get him some 'lovin' and she in turn claimed she was on her monthly. Later on however she called him to let him know she was going out with some guy to see a movie... Rigggghhhhtttt. It was 10pm when she called. No showings past 1030 and she lived no where NEAR a theater? Pointed that out to him. Of course it upset him more. Great job BT! Then there is his truck. He came home earlier and said it was lurchng and stalling out. Took a look for myself... Aye, I know. Me of all people climbing up on the grill with a raised roof. Must have been a sight with my ass up in the air while I wormed my way down through the engine block area. But hey, I found the problem. Fuel pump. Can't do the work mysel. Can't really get the leverage I need without legs. Which of course leads to the reason he is upset. His gal though he really has two is screwing around and getting fucked up on stuff without him. Though really that is partially his own doing. He is hardly around for her and neither really ever spoke of having a 'real' relationship. Most here know what an open relationship is, and I think it is a bit beyond his understanding. He is a firm believer in the older methods.. Ya know, cheating is okay so long as the other party isn't aware of it...ROFL! And with the truck down and now in a shop it means his little money saved will soon go up in flames. To his credit though he hasn't done any rock since I beat him down. It is sinking in that he has to make money. That and I have this notion that he will wait until the last minute and try to hit me up for some of it. I am on the fence about that. After all, he is trying his best. The thing that rides me so hard is the fact that he got himself into almost all this. If I help I know he will just do it all over again. He is just that self absorbed. I do mean it. When in a convo with him and it is not about him? He ignores it and talks about himself. If not for my time online that would surprise me. Most I have met are either as false as silicon tits or they want every iota of attention placed upon them. Can't blame them really, though watching some of them give me a case of the snickers. Got those who profess to be the giving sort both off and online doing that, even I am guity of self focus and pity. Julie stopped by after he told her about us getting our refills. Tried to get me to trade her my pain for her nerve pills. I can already get nerve pills. Go to my shrink and tell him some of my syptoms are kicking back in and he would give me anything short of elephant tranks. After I got placed in that old folks home right after the surgery they diagnosed me with both depression and being a functioning socio. Snort laughs Wasn't my fault. See back in that first place in Salisbury the doc had screwed up when it had cut me that short on the left stub. Th skin grew back to cover it alright, but it tightened up t o the point my bone was trying to break through the covering flesh. Gross huh? I remember going up to the RN there at the home and asking her 'So.. would you consider THIS a phantom pain?' Then proceeded to pull my shorts up to the point she could see the nodule like end that protruded past the wound. She freaked out and called the oncall doctor that worked the weekend. She was acting like a nut and telling me to calm down.. That Monday they took me in for emergency surgery. What they did was reopen the site and with a bone saw 'trimmed' down the bone. Didn't do the trick. So aafter that and a few days of non movement they had another bright idea. Took a decent amount of fat from my ass to place in there. Never heard of it being done before frankly. Then again how many folks are in my condition? So now I had a fat left leg and no ass to cushion the bone on my backside! I was preturbed to say in the least. When I finally woke up from that surgery they decided I could recoup just as well back at the old folks home. I sort of resisted that idea to the point that both security and cops arrived. Had me handcuffed to the beds railing and shipped me back. Now let me ask you this. You just wake up with no legs, the left wearing a cast bigger than a beehive hairdo, can't lay on that side OR your back because they made a nice incision there and your are now laying on bone. Would you A Rather remain where they can give you pain meds through an IV or B Be sent back to a place where you take two scheduled pills at 8 hour intervals that last roughly ohhh say 3 hours each? If you have to wonder then it isn't I who needs a shrink. So aye. I grabbed the surgeon by the throat and tried to turn him into a smurf. Plus side is I got somewhat lucky with the RN there that worked 2nds. She was in charge of tending to my leg and ass. Don't get me wrong. She was a true professional. Sheila. We spoke on a daily basis. Tending to me twice in her shift and my only room mate was a stroke victim who could only speak three sentences for the most part. She and I joked, talked of her sons both grown but took turns living with her, we even flirted as she worked on me. After Cristal left me when I lost my second leg, I did not have an ego persay left. Sheila and I spoke on that and as she tried to raise my spirits talking about seeing past my legs to look at the man I felt an urge. Of course I followed through on it. It was dark in the room short of the TV my roomie had. I leaned up on my elbows, her saying I shouldn't do that. Hurt like wild fire! Didn't stop me as when I finally got up on these damned bone cushions I reached out, cupped that wild blonde with black stripped hair and pulled her to my waiting lips. God it was wonderful. She didn't pull away.. Maybe initially it was shock, but as I raked my pouted lower lip against hers I felt those muscles in her arms relax and her own mouth opened slighty.. If that wasn't an invatation, what was?! Put these arms which even then were a bit thick thanks to all my workouts around her ribs and hauled her onto the bed beside me while our tongues did two asps dancing imitations. Isn't all that surprising right? Wanted to enjoy the embrace and my sides were all that did not really hurt to lay upon. Enough on that though. She and I had quite a time together. That is until I stopped later on giving her pain pills and ended up getting tranfered out of there. Their reason was I at the time had gotten well enough that they could not excuse me being in a 'skilled' nursing center. Truth was her and I had a thing going and the staff knew it. Fraternizing or however it is pronounced. If she was charged with it she could have lost her RN license permantly. The pills she claimed was for one of those before mentioned sons. He had tried to commit suicide with drugs and it ended up fucking his colon and he could hardly use his own legs. I gave her those pills for him. It helped with someones pain and I had this hot nurse giving me anything I asked for so long as it was in private. Thinking back on it she did not really want me in a true relationship. She wanted us open. Fine by me so long as I had her once a week. So used I was, but far from innocent. If not for her there would have been no crazy chick or blonde Godzilla. I would have delved into that endless self loathing path. So here and now I say to myself Thank you Sheila. You might have een taking from me in the physical sense. Emontionally however? You gave me more than confidence. You gave me hope. Think I babbled enough for tonight. Doubt that rp partner I picked up will respond any time soon. I kinda gave a huge post and though I left the intro open for her to respond, it wasn't an initial meeting. Doubt she will write back. Sighs Guess I will have to find another if I am to use this site properly.