Thread: —¤÷(`[¤*Ɍ.o.a.ȿ.Ҏ*¤]´)÷¤—

.o.a.. Rantings of a Short Person Well this sucks. I'm sick. -- I just had this awesome weekend but I'm sick as a dog because of it! But I guess that's what I get for walking around in a rather short dress without a coat or scarf all for the sake of making sure my cosplay looked alright while the windchill had to be something like 30, it must have been moving anywhere from 20-45 miles per hour as it shook large trucks and cars while we were driving and pushed me down quite a bit while I was walking and I was near the water. Ugh, I feel like crap. . I wonder if anyone else in my group feels like this? I hope not. -- But thanks to this sickness I'm probably going to have to postpone my NY conversation with my rents, or at least until I can talk clearly and without coughing my lungs out. That and the conversation I should probably have with my dad some time soon. But that one may be able to wait as that man pisses me off to no end. Daddy dearest Anyone ever read the poem Daddy by Sylvia Plath? If so all that animosity she held towards her father can pretty much sum up how I feel about my dad, except mines not dead as well as a few other minor things. If not well, read it, it's a great poem and she's a great poet. Anyway I have a list a mile long of issues I have with my dad but for the past couple of years I've been hesitant to tell him any of them. For example, I would love to tell him he made a seriously fucked up decision by deciding to get married the day after the anniversary of my mom burying my younger brother, which was the day after her birthday so she was already kind of edgy. Not only that but neglecting to tell his soon-to-be-wife the significance of that date leaving her clueless as to why my mom was ready to kill the two of them over a date. And that because of that decision he deserves to be kicked in a very uncomfortable place. That he's a selfish bastard who I honestly feel sorry for my mom for marrying, and that at times I regret having as a dad. Not only that but he makes me uncomfortable to a rather large extreme for a number of reasons. When ever he comes to visit I feel like I have to act a certain way, do certain things, that I can't be myself or he won't like me. But I've come to figure out recently just why I was afraid to tell him any of these things or the countless other things I want to tell him. I'm afraid of him pushing me away even more even more then he already does. Of him cutting off all ties with me. Though I've come to realize that in all honesty it doesn't matter. He rarely ever calls, doesn't visit, and for the past...I want to say anywhere from eight to nine years, hasn't been in my life in anyway, shape, or form. He's never been to a band concert, a play, an honor roll breakfast, doesn't know the names of any of my teachers and hasn't in year, I'm pretty sure he doesn't know that I'm in an honor society or the editor of an award winning magazine, and aside from the fact that I like anime and a female doesn't know the first thing about me. So we're barely connected and if that final string gets cut then oh well. It's his own fault. Now if I can just get the courage to tell him all of that. I can tell everyone else in my life off, just not him. I realllly need to fix that, and soon.