Thread: Chaotic Ramblings

I don't know how many of you have seen the movie Letters to Juliet, but this quote was taken from that movie. Dear Claire, What and If are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life What if? What if? What if? I don't know how your story ended but if what you felt then was true love, then it's never too late. If it was true then, why wouldn't it be true now? You need only the courage to follow your heart. I don't know what a love like Juliet's feels like - love to leave loved ones for, love to cross oceans for but I'd like to believe if I ever were to feel it, that I will have the courage to seize it. And, Claire, if you didn't, I hope one day that you will. All my love, Juliet Click to expand... I don't know how many of you have seen the movie Practical Magic, but this quote was taken from that movie. Sometimes I feel like there's a hole inside of me, an emptiness that at times seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean. The moon tonight, there's a circle around it. Sign of trouble not far behind. I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night, wanting. But still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing... I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen. I don't know. Maybe I had my happiness. I don't want to believe it but, there is no man, Gilly. Only that moon. Click to expand... I don't know why I think this, any of it at all, but my heart feels so terribly heavy. Honestly, at times, I am left in tears and yes, I know that this may take away from the image everyone portrays of me, but I am still human, aren't I?. I want so much to trust, and it isn't that I doubt persay, but I am still filled with fear. Fear that the past will come back to haunt me. I have been told not to look to close or that I will pick it apart and only hurt myself. I know this is the truth and yet I cannot seem to stop, this man... he owns me. For years, he has owned me heart and soul. That makes the person who I am now so terribly afraid, this foreign feeling that escaped me long ago makes my heart beat to a new rhythm and it makes me feel out of control. I don't know if I have courage. I don't know if I am as strong as everyone believes me to be. I love him, I've always loved him, and I want us to work this time. We found each other again, after so many years, and we still feel the same way about each other. Yes, of course that history will always be there, but I want us to learn from it and grow from it. No more what ifs, no more worry. I want to be able to seize it and love him to the fullest of my abilities, because I believe that if it hadn't stopped after so many years, then it never will and that is true to me. I want to have that hope that it can work. I want to be like Claire and seize it and run head long into it, even after all of these years. I wouldn't care if I left my loved ones here, I wouldn't mind crossing that ocean and I would do it happily if he is my destination. All of these years that had gone by without him, I have felt that hole inside of me, I have felt that emptiness that burned everything. I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night, wanting. But still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing... I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen. He makes me feel this whole, even being hundreds of thousands of miles away. Almost six years it has been since we have been together, six terribly long years, and he found me again. He wanted me again. Yet when we talk, it doesn't feel like talking and I don't know how to change this. I am... lost.