Thread: Entering the Dark Manor (Raziel's Journal)

Well, I highly doubt that anyone is actually going to come and read this, but I need a corner to throw down all the thoughts in my head, so... might as well. Most of you that know me probably know some of the stuff I'm going to go off about, though you probably found ot of it through deciphering all my cryptic meanings and words. For that, I'll have to apologize. Fair warning, everything that is going to be read in here will be put rather bluntly, just because it makes it much easier to say what needs to be said without fluffing it up. ------ It's probably best to start with the beginning. I was born in Michigan, and moved around the country in the span of 10 years. I've lived in Georgia and California as well, and been through all the states between them. Probably one of the first things I remember that is important was when I was 2 We had a power outlet that didn't work at all. I had picked up a staple and - thinking tat noting wold happen since it didn't work - put the staple into the power outlet. I don't remember anything else from in Georgia. But then again, I was really young. I have fond memories of being in California. We went to Hollywood a few times, going around and just exploring. I can't remember too many specifics besides walking the street of stars... or whatever it was called. I had a lot of friends there, starting school, but we moved after 2 years, moving back to Michigan. The move to Michigan was a long 4 day trip, but living here had been hell for the first 6 or so years. School was miserable for me, because i was almost always the new kid. I started 3rd grade after the move, then after we found our own place and moved out of the grandparents, I switched schools again at 5th grade. For whatever reason, most of the kids loathed me, and I was always the butt of jokes and stuff. It was confusing, since I just came from a school that i had a lot of friends. Te teachers never did anything about it -indeed, the egged it on. I would get in trouble wit the school by the kids setting me up with stuff that I never did. It was always a numbers thing, 25 against 1, so I always got hit wit the blame. Needless to say, it hurt, and it was intimidating and confusing. Even with parents going in and staying on my side, the teachers and even the principal didn't do anything. I eventually had to put a wall around myself, cutting myself out of all emotions, and put a mask on to protect myself and act normal. By the time I had, I switched schools again for 5th grade. At that school, it wasn't as bad as the other, but that was probably because of my 'mask.' About the time that I moved back to Michigan, I hung out with my cousin a lot. It was him that pretty much taught me about porn and masturbation. I had looked up to him, because he was the so-called 'cool kid,' getting what he wanted, he was fun, and interesting, and strong, and cool. But... he had me do a lot of stuff that shouldn't have been done. He would treat me like shit in general, forcing me to do some rater nasty things, like giving him blowjobs. At first, I was somewhat willing, trying to get on is good side, thinking that he would help me get a cool as he was. Though, he forced me to do it when I said no. Thinking back, he would have forced me to do it even if i said no to start with. In the middle of all that, he took me over to some of his friends to hang out, then about a half hour later, left to go get some things he forgot. They grabbed me and held me down while 'experimenting,' finding different small objects to see my reactions as the got shoved up my ass. One of the got a bloody nose as I was struggling before they subdued me. I was in the bathroom wen my cousin got back. I never said a thing, though I never went anywhere with him after that, and I never saw those friends of his afterward. For 7th grade and onward, my parents pulled me out of the school system and put me in... i guess you could call it a 'public academy.' Things were better, I was able to make friends. It was pretty much the same place for high school, just another section of the building. I joined a theater group in Sophomore year, started dating one of the girls in it. It was the start of the wall being broken down inside me, putting away the masks that I was so fluent in use at that time. ----- I'll continue this later, when I can think of something to say.