Thread: Rate my Writing?

This is for a current roleplay I'm doing and I could use some feedback in order to improve. IntroOlivers olive skin began to brush against the soft silk fabric, as he rolled blindly around in the bed. During his blind rolling he felt that he had bumped against something, azure slits opening to investigate what exactly he banged into. Surprise, surprise. Oliver said with a groan having smashed into one of the girls he took to bed. The victim was on his right while there was another girl on his left, luckily both were still asleep. Not for long though as Oilver strong-arms both of the girls out of his bed, yelling Get the fuck out of here. smirking as both of them scrammed out of his tavern room. Im getting too old for this shit., he let out a slight chuckle as saw some empty mugs on the floor. Shooting out his right hand Oliver roughly grabs the sheet ripping it off his body, before jumping out of bed being careful not to land on a mug. Groaning he slowly put on his plain black shirt, breeches, and boots preferring to stay in bed, rather than handing out pay and looking for a new contract to keep the company aloft. Dont get Oliver wrong he loved the company and wanted it to prosper, but he rather keep money then give it away. Though his lifestyle was a dangerous one he often went without armor unless is combat, having no fear of being slain since he was well loved by his men. Though the Landless Bastard company was 10,000 men strong the tavern was only large enough, for two dozen men maybe more if the tavern was empty. The other men were scattered amongst the town some finding other taverns or living outside of the town limits in tents. Oliver always thought it a fitting name for the company was made up of bastards and men who would never inherit any money or land. Stepping out of his room he spots some of men at a table drinking ale and flirting with the serving wenches. Bring me some ale and food, Oliver barks at one of the wenches sending the woman scurrying. Sliding a hand down his pockets he pulls out a parchment of paper with the names of all the men in the company, along with how much they were supposed to be paid. After running through the list Oliver puts the list back into his pocket, looking at his fully armored and armed compatriots. Having realized their captain was amongst them his men quickly stood up and saluted him. Standing up and saluting me wont make me pay you faster, you sorry lot. Oliver said with a wide grin on his lips. By the time he was brought his breakfast the table was in a uproar of laughter. Sample PostsNoting a shadow near the doorway Oliver looked up from his half finished breakfast, to behold the presence of a beautiful woman with auburn hair. For such a stunning woman something was different about her than the serving wenches. he thought picking up on how she wore a bodice along with a riding skirt. Though what was most bizarre to Oliver was how the woman carried herself it reminding of him of nobility. Whispering among his companies he decides that Pox Face Jimmy would play captain and he would play servant. In front of everyone Pox Face Jimmy slaps Oliver roughly across the face, demanding him to bring the woman over to the table. Standing up the five foot nine man stood up walking over to the woman, with his shoulder hunched and looking down at the floor. My captain would like an audience with you my lady. a silky smooth voice escapes Oliver's lips him shyly running his fingers through his short umber hair then his stubble of a beard. Oliver had to hold back a grin from his lips as the woman smiled at him and lead her back to the table, as if he were a dog going back to his owner. Does he look like a Knolles to you. he had thought imagining those thick red lips of her's wrapped around his manhood. Aye I'm Oliver Knolles and the gods finally answered my prayers, by giving me a wench to fuck., Pox Face Jimmy had said in a gruff voice staring lustfully at the woman. For a second time their part of the tavern was in an uproar of laughter and even Oliver had to laugh at that. Even without the poxes all over the faces Jimmy was ugly and potbellied, with bad breath and already balding though younger than Oliver. Even all the coin in the world couldn't convince a woman to willingly have sex with Jimmy so the man resorted to rape. Oh so you want to hire me and my boys, but talk privately eh? Are you that much in a rush to have your pussy gaping? I doubt you could hire us little lady, but I'll tell you what since I'm feeling generous. If you open your legs for all ten thousand of us, we'll shower you in coppers and you can hire us for a week., Jimmy grinned showing most of the man's teeth were gone. By the look of the man at the table Oliver had thought, they liked the sound of plowing this Isabella. However, he had picked up on Isabella referring herself as a lady and he knew an opportunity of a life time fell onto his lap. Why do you want to hire us anyway girlie? Do you need us to fight off mice and spiders?, Jimmy had took Isabella by the hand and started at her. For almost all of his life Oliver had been a mercenary all of his clients had been male, but Isabella might just change that. However, he wondered how much money was on the womans head if she was seeking to hire a mercenary company. At the moment didnt matter for Oliver could bleed the woman dry and just maybe, fuck over his client both literally and figuratively. He would keep silent and let Jimmy play captain long enough, to see what this Isabella was all about. Back in his mind Oliver thought why the woman came alone and if his company accepted her contract, would they be her only fighting men? Throughout history mercenary companies have turned the tides of battles and even wars, but they always supplemented an established military force. Oliver already thought that the only way they could win was attrition and guerrilla warfare, which took even longer than regular wars. Isabellas money could only last so long and her cunt appealing to him, before his men would abandon him if he persisted. Even if the company stayed intact it would only take one good ambush before they were all slaughtered, Oliver began to think of other ways this could turn ugly. For her own sake he hopes the woman knows what shes in for and can walk the walk, not just talk the talk.