Thread: The Pleasure Slave (constructive criticism PLEASE)

I've been working on this story for a while now. I'm going to post it in sections rather than all at once. It's not finished. I'm stuck on page 33 or so. Any constructive criticism, comments or suggestions are not just welcome they are desired. However comments like It sucks. doesn't help me improve my writing. He was sin. To look at him was to invite forbidden fantasies. Tall dark and handsome didnt do him credit. He towered over most reaching an impressive 6 8, broad shoulders thick with muscles, arms as big as most mens thighs. He had long wavy hair black as pitch, reaching his shoulder blades, full lips made for kissing. His chest covered in a thin mat of hair tapering to a thin line at his waste line. The tattoo of his family on his shoulder was the only thing to mark his smooth tan skin, which sparkled in the sun with a thin sheen of sweat. He had dark green eyes, sparkling in his anger, lips curled in disgust. With rippling abs, a tapered waste, long legs just as massive as the rest of him, he was a sight to behold. His arms were restrained behind his back by heavy manacles and he stood with legs slightly apart also held in check with heavy chains. Around his neck was a thick slave collar attached to a marble column by yet another chain. Two Months Ago Taal stood in the port with his parents as his ship was prepared for flight. Like everything else of his, his ship was one of a kind, an example of luxury. He had a lot of say in its design. While he took pride in his job, he saw no reason why he couldnt have all his comforts when traveling. He was clothed in all black, soft leather pants and silk shirt. A wide woven belt hugged his hips. The mark of his family was carefully woven with silver threads that stood out against its black background. Be careful son. Taals mother worried. Most of the galaxy is not as civilized as we are here. He looked at her marveling how different they were. His mother was not a petite woman but next to him she seemed so. Her eyes were blue, her hair light brown. A long flowing gown of pale aqua swept the ground. You worry far too much Mother. He replied. Im a grown man. Must we go through this every time I leave? A grown man you may well be, but you are my youngest son. Your brothers and sister give me enough grief. Must you go away again? Taal glanced at his father, a silent plea to help with his mother. Teer and Taal were mirror images of each other, only one with a few wrinkles. Anise, you know Taal goes out every other year to find more planets to bring into the Union. He does a great service for us. Yes, but must he be gone so long? She complained. Six months is far too long. Taal gave her a full hug to comfort her. Then he grasped his fathers arm. Take care, son. Teer said as Taal boarded the ship. I will return. Give my best to my brothers and my little sister. The doors to the ship sealed and he took off, eager to explore. His ship had had a minor problem, nothing that needed immediate attention, just a comfort issue. But, Taal was nothing if not a creature of comforts. His sound system wasnt working right. Hed set his ship down at the nearest planet for repairs. Tyrus was a small provincial out of the way planet. The little information about the planet was several centuries out of date, but most colonized worlds would have a repair station. Taal set down in a clearing just outside of a town. He inquired as to where he might find someone to repair his ship. One of the locals at the fueling stations had stated that all visitors, no matter how brief the visit, had to register at the town hall. Then he would be willing to help Taal repair the ship. The local had given him directions to the building and sent him on his way. Having signed the registration book and paid a small landing fee, he headed for the doors to return to the repair shop. As he reached the doors he felt a sharp pain in his thigh. Before his brain could fully register that he'd been tranquilized - blackness overtook him.