Thread: Time To Buy The Farm? (Help Topic)

There's going to be a --- about a fourth the way through this post. Anything underneath that is what I'd hope a cry for help most likely a rant bordering tantrum but, I'd like to reserve a small portion of this post as hopefully civil and thankful for the people that bothered to pass by this part of the internet and give me hints. To Squishypink, Adam Edwardson and ZeroKyrael, your feedback and assistance is much appreciated. Now, astute eyes may have glanced at the topics and noticed nothing had changed, but it's a combination of baby steps in the right direction and seeing exactly what the issues are before addressing answers. Problem solving and the such. There was a man that offered a great bit of advice about life and lemonade. I believe it became a shirt. But regardless of how topical that segue was, again, I thank the three of you for tossing some sage advice my way. Perhaps in the future it will be better utilized when the passion comes back, the soul still burns, Namco finds out I'm stealing their catch phrases and I adhere Reckoning to some topic title. I was considering PMing the three of you my gratitude, but wasn't sure about whether that was borderline intrusive. So hopefully you'll see this bit and I hope it makes your day a bit brighter knowing you've helped me out to some extent. So... about that first paragraph. Not that I'm anticipating that anyone is going to read this, but the salt is real and the rant is about to start. Someone must have junctioned Doom Train because even though I've had some time to cool down and try to resolve my mid-life writing crisis, it still feels like I'm having a Meltdown here I know, I'm throwing in too many stupid references, it's really all I have at this point. --- I guess we're buying the farm. I'm not sure how it got to this point. It really shouldn't have gotten to this point. But we're here. The problem seems more pervasive than I thought. 8 months. I've been here for 8 damn months. And in those 8 months, I've only had 1 successful roleplay. Successful, by my criteria at least, is going by a combination of Exceeded 10 total posts Both parties seemed happy That's it. I don't think that's asking for too much. Even if I take away the second criteria, I think it raises the total up to a staggering two. It really shouldn't be this hard. It can't be this hard. But somehow it is. Maybe my expectations are too high? Maybe the message board format makes things appear biased and other users run into this issue as well? But I'm guessing that enough time has passed and I've run into enough issues that I can account for variance and other factors and consider this an actual problem. Now, I know what some of the counters to this are. And I'd like to try to either dismiss them preemptively on a logical basis or show that I'm accounting for it but that the problem is still mind-numbingly distressful. -You are not entitled to people's time. I get it. Role playing is a cooperative process. It's a competitive format, similar to how jobs work. Or dating sites. You need to have something people want. Just because I'm here, that doesn't mean that I automatically get a roleplay. But I'm reading request topics, brainstorming ideas, throwing up and updating my own topics and... It can't be that bad, can it? I know I can't be everyone's cup of tea, but I have to be someone's cup of tea. The last week or so has been different and I've just abandoned everything, but when you run into wall after wall, the passion just runs out. - It's the internet. Random factor is going to happen. Again, to an extent, understood. Life gets in the way, people lose interest, internet goes down, people just don't want to post anymore. But one role play in 8 months? One? And that leads into another issue where I get that since it is anonymous and you don't have to say anything, it can be both beneficial or detrimental. But it gets harder and harder to be polite and nice and such to other users when it all happens to be for nothing or leads to dead ends. I'd rather be nice Sheep instead of ranting Sheep. But now I'm ranting Sheep. And it doesn't feel good. - I had more counterpoints, but the frustration is getting the best of me. So what do I do now? Go away for a month or so, try to renovate myself and try again? The issue is I've tried that before and the results... Well, I'm here, you might be reading this, so that wasn't too successful. I'm afraid of what will happen if I do put more effort in, reorganize my topics, give it another three months and sink further into this bit of self-madness. I'm not sure if this is against the rules, but do I ask about other places to find role play? Other forums or chat rooms? Since it seems like I'm out of place with Bluemoon, I might need to transfer to a new community and see if that works out. Or... Just give up role playing in general? I mean, why rent when you can own? I'm at a point where role playing isn't even fun. It's self-deprecating. It's depressing. The one person out there reading this might be thinking 'Wow, this Sheep user is really taking this hard. What a loser!'. And first off, yeah, you're right, I'm probably taking this too hard and too personal. But I minored in writing. I've roleplayed for about 15 years. I scored in the 96th percentile on the national writing test. I've written in 3 of those NaNoWriMos. I'm not saying I'm a wordsmith or trying to flaunt that I'm great if I were great, I'd try to make it my profession... Or not be writing this post... And it makes the feedback where people say 'well, you seem like a good writer' all the more appalling because numbers don't like, 1 role play in 8 months but I'm trying to justify or at least convince myself that I can't be this bad. But somehow I am. So... just fuck it? Just throw in the towel?