Thread: A cry from a stranger

RE BD's journalOf Love Thanks Hahvy. 3 I'm afraid that I've turned into a self hating abomination. Mostly because I'm starting to develop that complex that sixteen year old nerdy boys get when no girl will ever go out with them. You know, the Women are shallow and stupid, and can't see a good guy when one is right in front of her. Replace guy with girl, and you get what I constantly think every day when I wonder why its so damn hard to connect with girls around here. No, not even around here, but PERIOD. I have 45 Xbox friends, and two of them are females. Both of which claim to be lesbianI don't know about one girl but I'm sure the other one isn't because all of a sudden she has a boyfriend and ever since she's been ignoring me to an extent. The other girls I meet on Xbox either ignore me, leave when they hear my voice, or they hate me for no reason. I have gone through countless scenarios trying to figure out why I'm so likeable to guys but females ignore me. There was even one point where a female convinced me that the only reason why guys like my company is because I have a vagina and I'm slutting around on them to seduce them. That wasn't the case however, mostly because I ran into several females trying to use the fact that they were Guuuuuuuuurl gamers when in fact they were simply sluts with a controller. There was a difference between me and them, they did nothing but whine when playing the game and flirt whenever they found an opening. When questioned about their knowledge in video games they would come up short, not knowing what anything was. It was clear what they were there for, the attention of men, which I wouldn't have a problem with if they weren't just cock teases. No, it has nothing to do with my sex appeal, mainly because I'm usually friend zoned anyway and labeled as one of the guys, which doesn't really bother me but meh. It's more that I have a personality that guys can easily bond with, and I have lost some friends because of this fact. As they get jealous when their boyfriends or guys they like can hold a conversation with me for more than five minutes. Does this mean I think I'm awesome. Actually, yes, it does. I know that I'm a really cool person that's almost compatible with anyone willing to give me a chance. BUT FEMALES REFUSE TO GIVE ME A CHANCE. As soon as they hear the minor differences I have between opinions, like say, yaoi, they basically ignore me because I'm not considered interesting enough for them. I'm pretty shy, I'm afraid of rejection, I stay quiet because a long time ago I was considered loud and annoying to all the girls at school and I can no longer get excited like I used to. People label me as a robot simply because I'm afraid to express myself in fear of persecution. Not to mention, I try to keep myself out of the way as I have gone through a past of constantly being the subject of drama, and it absolutely tears me apart these days, online and in real life. But despite these things, when I feel comfortable around someone I open up to them and I become a really cool person. I listen to you, I try to understand you, I open up to you when you open up to me. I bond a lot faster with someone who doesn't keep secrets from me, but women are the epitome of hush hush rumor rumor talk. Even if it's not about me, it's still annoying hearing someone constantly complain about someone else passive aggressively but not revealing any information about why they feel that way. It baffles me how people would rather use statuses on facebook to vent rather than going to a good friendLike me and letting whatever they feel off their chest. You don't have to tell me any names, I don't care about that and I don't want to take sides, but at least I'm here to listen. The fact that I don't understand women and vocalize that, infuriates them even more. They're convinced that I'm pulling an act, that I'm only pretending to be this way so that I relate to men more. Newsflash, there are certain things that I can't talk about with men, they're not good with comforting, supporting, they're men. I can talk to them about everything except feelings, and I have a lot of them, and since I refuse to bitch and moan on my statuses about how terrible life can get, I bottle up these feelings. Even if I did use statuses as a medium, no one would comment because no one would understand or know what to say, because again my best friends are all male. I don't understand why I have such a bad time finding girls that make me feel...good about myself. The one time I did, as soon as she gets a boyfriend we stop hanging out...and she doesn't treat me the way she used to. One of the things I want to do, is make everyone feel like they have a friend. I truly believe that more people would be happy if they have at least one person they felt they can talk to about anything. I bend over backwards accommodating the people I'm proud to call friend. But for once, I'd like the favor to be returned by a female instead of being used until the next best thing comes along. I want to find a girl that understands how much I've been hurt in the past by other girls, and not judge me for it. Instead, reach out to me and let me know I can trust you and you'll never throw me away like garbage. Maybe I'm just a terrible person. I don't know.