Thread: Personal Journal

Today seems to be goingg okay thus far. Bigfoot is out working, though stopped by a couple of times to announce just how great his day is, I only received one Email from that wacky lass whom asked for money, and this morn I have had fun in the games area of that other site. Mostly just word games where one changes a set letter or a bit of word association, but I enjoy little distractions like that. Haha, seems I am as simple as it gets these days. Might be the Lyrica, or maybe it's just a bit of age creeping in. Nah! i mean, I still miss Nessie, and I still have an ache that doesn't want to go away but I hope that I am slowly learning to just move on a bit. Back when I did date and what not I felt like I would just die a bit each day without a woman to share my bed with. At first it was sex. Damned I was a good little horndog like that. Not bragging because I struck out as many times as I made it to bed with some random lass but I almost enjoyed the challenge. As I aged it became quality over quantity. I really hate that term, should not settle for either really but hey live and learn! Now it is a matter of settling down more and more. I am tired of doing all types of women, rather just have that special one. Problems galore with that though. Finding the right one isn't as easy as personality alone. Isn't really attraction persay, but with my change in physical condition some things are just not as feasible as they once could have been. Imagine me in my chair with a six foot lass! She would end up with back trouble just kissing, not to mention the logistics in the bed! I mean, I'm now more monkey than gorilla. My arms ARE my legs and I am getting better and better at using them, but comon! Only so much balancing a body can do before it begins to go all Humpty Dumpty. So I may end up alone. Nothing all too terrible about that I guess. That and I need to settle down into a home I feel I can stay in for the remainder of my life. I have always been overly malleable in that arena. A roof is a roof, and who you have under that roof with you makes it a home. That was my thoughts on the issue. Now though it's just as much that as feeling like I can make memories to last me through the days more than it is the present tense worries. For all his faults Bigfoot has the qualities for the most part that I can handle being around. Sure he is a crack head, slob, with mommy issues. But he can get over some of that if he wants.. And frankly my behaviors do rub off on him. Used to be he would never say or do anything that might upset someone. Even if the deserved it, he would let them all but dance on him while he did the biblical turn the other cheek. Now he speaks up and speaks out against some who do him dirty. Of course he is just acting the role of parrot and mimicing what I say when confronting these people, but still.. It's a start! Not always a good thing to do unless you are willing to have people bite back. I am used to it. I can at times bring a person to tears and not feel guilt. Really that is a norm, but only if they deserve it. I also do not mind getting rowdy if someone gets a bit froggy. Dont have any qualms over verbal or physical confrontations. Rather the first, but yo know how that goes.. Younger people tend to lash out with fists rather than put downs, so meh. I might have had a rough childhood, and adult life has been no picnic at times, but really what I can't stand is what I get the most of these days when in public. Pity. Polite I can handle but pity? Grrr! Being a gen take no real extra time at all, but pity? What a waste! Means I have to time and again prove that I am just as capable as anyone else before they forget my condition.. And damned does it show! Tis why I like the online life in general. I can chat with folks over mos anything and it takes no more than words or feelings to express to someone for them to judge. It's only when someone tries to get personal that the lines start to quiver. Easy example. One gal just a week or so ago started talking to me out of the blue. Had not a problem one with the joking flirtations and the like. Didn't mention my legs cause frankly it was all for fun. Or so I thought. We exchanged pictures. I made sure it was a simple head shot with a 'banner' making fun of her screen name and she did the same back to me. It wasn't until we got on video chat a few days later and when she noticed my shorts she made a quip of wanting to see what was beneath them. Now don't get me wrong, coulda been a sexual inferance but to me it was just a chance to make a joke. So I made the remark back that 'There was nothing at all there, see?' And flashed the ends of my stubs. Oh lord, she got a bit flustered then, starting to appoligize and all that crap. Since then she avoided me like I had a case of the black death or something. Maybe she was ashamed or scared off, I just dont see why it matters. I have grown used to being like this and though it might be a culture shock or instilled within I guess many are still taken aback. People do surprise me I guess Not always for the worst or best, but it's there. So I will just continue to make fun of two leggers while wheeling about and hope people in general can get over these silly misconceptions one day. I may be in a chair, but that far from makes me Hawkings or anything.