Thread: Raizu's Journal: Life Outside Roleplay

Whether anyone intends to pay attention to this or not doesn't matter to me. I simply want a place to express myself on how my days go and perhaps find peace within myself as lately things are a bit hectic or at least aggravating in my life. starting with my past and how i ended up where i'm at now. So if anyone reads through this and has something to say about it go right ahead. Entry 1 I've been in the roleplaying area in some form or another since around 2006 or 2007 maybe even a little before that. Back when Myspace chat rooms were decent and before it took a shit. I was the typical person who found it easy to simply take a character and become them and shut ou everything outside. I was the one that was targeted by bullies and the like simply because I was the new kid in town, since I was the quiet one nobody new. As a result I found myself letting my inner self fade into my character in myspace, back when T2-T4 style roleplaying was active in chat rooms I spent hours doing that just for the fun of it. shortly after was when things at least started to look up for me. My first girlfriendeven thought it was long distance we had things in common that i never thought we would. but even so everything seemed so much better back then, happier even. But the only thing I failed to realize was that long distance relationships come with a bit of a price.The lack of physical contact puts strain on the relationship, no matter how much love or time is put in, the lack of that physical relationship will always get in the way. Because of this, I missed the fact that she didn't exactly like the idea of me roleplaying with others, regardless of how much I love and cared for her. Maybe it was my mistake maybe not. But where things went wrong is when I decided to deny it, even when she caught me. I lied because I was afraid, afraid of losing the only thing that seemed to bring any kind of light into the darkness of my life. and just because of that fear I lost her anyway. But the worst part was she did the same thing but in reality had sex with someone rather than in roleplay. But that's beside the point. the fact is that ever since me and her separated Things had taken a bit of a turn for me. Not necessarily for the worst but it definitely wasn't going anywhere good. And that all happened around 2011-2012 somewhere between there. Since then she has found someone else and is moving in with them ometime after christmas.her in louisianna and her boyfriend in Maine. But what confuses me the most is she says she misses what we had and wished things had been different. That she still loves me and all that stuff. Part of me feels the same because no matter how hard I try I can't let go of that relationship. As for my own life I am still with no job, despite my degreeperhaps its because of no work experience? Not really sure..But with loans screwing with my father's credit since i live with him live at home has been hell. When i do everything around the house, I still have parents bitching at me saying I don't do anything..I'm treated like a child and I hate it. I o everything for my family and nothing goes right for me. If you've read this far I'm sure I know what you're thinking. God this guy is Depressed Or maybe even He's fucking stupid Or whatever you wanna call me. But given how my life has been I've earned the right to call it what it is and live through it. But if you think otherwise and care then more power to you. this site is my escape from the bullshit in my life. its the one thing I can enjoy and not worry about being hounded at for small things. Maybe I'm not the only one that has dealt with some sort of pain like this. to sum this up, I'm just a 22 yr old roleplayer who has had nothing but problems thrown my way. In here, in roleplay, the real me can shine. But outside, I refuse to tell anyone the real me, to tell anyone the problems that truly bother me and bring me down, not even my family. Treat someone like an outsider for too long and they become one and shun themselves from those who matter. But still I have to say I have made some friends here whom I enjoy roleplaying with alot and hope things get better. perhaps after venting through this things won't seem so bad. This will be the only, extremely long entry in this journal, just making it known