Thread: Discipline vs. Abuse

It varies per child. I think spanking is when they're being a little shit and everything else has failed. It may lead to a crying fit, but at least you stopped whatever was going on that needed to be stopped. But again, this doesn't always work with kids. My nephew has Aspergers syndrome, and we still haven't perfected how to punish him because of how he perceives things. Spanking most certainly doesn't work. I can't say whether spanking worked on me or not... to be honest, I don't think it did. It just made me distance myself from my dad. My dad was the punisher growing up. He was one of those stern conservative Texans and EVERY TIME I got in trouble... Like a ritual it was... he'd make me walk to his closet, get out his stupid ornate leather belt with the ridiculously huge buckle, bring it to him, and then he'd spank me. If I couldn't find the belt, I got in even more trouble and got spanked with something harder, like a stick or the fire place shovel. Afterwards, he'd lecture me for what felt like hours. I also learned to lie better, mostly because I felt the things I got in trouble for weren't that bad. Or at least warranted that much pain. I mostly certainly wasn't a bad kid or did bad things. I'd get spanked for careless stuff and ignorant mistakes like a bad grade. I once did my homework wrong and got in trouble for that, which lead to a spanking from the fireplace shovel. That's one of the last spankings I remember. I knew with every little thing, I'd probably get in trouble which would lead to a spanking which would lead to an hour of me being unable to sit because it hurt too much. So yep, I learned how to lie. Or well, tell a white lie. I always told a version of the truth. But when it comes to spanking, I'd say open handed and below the waist. Don't use any of the stuff my dad used because those hurt like a motherfucker and can probably do more harm than you mean to. My dad actually cut me with the buckle once. It also depends on their age. I think spanking should be done at about age 4 minimum, age 10 max. From age 4 to 10, you can do spankings, small groundings, taking items away, and start stern talkings. As for 4 and below, working with telling them no, smacks on the hand or thigh, and time out should do. After age 10, one should try grounding them, taking prized items away for extended amounts of time, and lectures should be how they're punished. Some kids also work better with positive reinforcement... although I am not a fan of teaching a kid that every tiny good deed will come with rewards. Maybe give them a little allowance, and for each day they misbehave or get in trouble, take away from the total amount. Or take it all away I guess... But I agree... spanking is often just a quick go-to punishment that can definitely berate a child. You have to eventually teach kids why you're punishing them and the consequences of their actions and behavior. Sorry if I wrote a lot. I've grown up my entire life around kids. And I still debate this crap out with my dad because he still uses spanking as his default punishment up to about age 12, and he still resorts to spanking my nephew even though it NEVER works.