Thread: Do My Roleplaying Skills Need Improving?

Lovely Erato said The battle between the soldiers got confusing as none of them had names or distinguishing features. I had to go back and re-read a couple of times to see it actually play out in my head. Giving a few key descriptions to even nonessential characters give the reader a more vivid experience. The pudgy soldier, the brown haired soldier, the scared shitless man. Click to expand... I'm guilty of this sometimes when I write elaborate action scenes. It's something I'll have to keep in mind. As for another piece of advice... Kayden smiled a little bit as Delilah had introduced herself to him. He nodded his head as she told him he could call her Lilah if he wanted to. There was a small smile on his face as he liked the idea of calling her Lilah. Hmm, well its nice to meet you Delilah. He smiled. And I think I might just call you Lilah if you dont have a problem with it. I think thats got a nice ring to it actually. He smiled again before he turned his attention to the guitar case he had set down on the floor when she had asked him if he played. Click to expand... This is the only paragraph I've actually read. Luckily, there is something I can tell you about it. It also plays off of the advice given by Lovely Erato. Smile. Smile. Smile. Smile. This post has Kayden doing a whole lot of smiling, and the way you've written it suggests that it isn't a single smile. You have him smile a bit upon meeting Delilah. Is this a small smile, or a brief smile? At any rate, he's a friendly person who greets others with a smile. Good. However, upon learning he can use a nickname, you mention that he has a small smile. This could easily lead to two instances of a smile, and both within a very short period of time. Then he smiles again upon speaking to her, and then once more upon finishing what he was saying. Now imagine if you were talking to Kayden, a stranger, that smiled every few seconds in a conversation with you. Not one long smile, but went from a neutral face to a smiling face every few seconds . You're probably going to think that the person is either crazy, or has something wrong with them. It isn't natural. How do we fix this? Keep in mind that when you mention Kayden smile, he's going to have that same general disposition until you mention otherwise. Until you say otherwise, he will have that smile or friendly face. The reader does not need to even be reminded of that smile. Of course there are exceptions and ways for the repeating smile to really hammer a point home usually in reinforcing that the smile is eerie or disingenuous. However, in this instance, it just comes of as entirely odd. You want to know what else is odd? A character that needlessly changes emotion every other sentence. I'm not saying you've done this-- have you? What I am giving is some general advice. Manage your character's emotions and structure your encounters to flow in some natural manner. Unless your character is supposed to be some sort of manic-depressive, reign in on what they are feeling from sentence to sentence, or even paragraph to paragraph. Have a good reason for why that character feels the way they do, and consider their personality before changing that emotion. If your character is a fairly adjusted, normal human being, they likely won't flip flop around too often.