Thread: You're Like a Song Stuck in My Head [FxF] (Clearsight X Javorcek)

Tessa always felt like the ugly friend when she was hanging out with Alex. She wasn't people looked at her enough and she had plenty of confidence, but Alex had an appeal she couldn't match. It was a confidence and air about her that couldn't be denied, and even someone like Tessa could be ignored by the masses when Alex was around. She didn't mind, in fact it was perfect as far as their band went, it was just easy for her to notice... She wasn't immune to the charm herself. Her glances and looks weren't obvious, or noticed by her, mainly because they were friends and she saw so much of Alex that nothing felt strange. Even if she didn't completely realize what she was doing, Tessa did look at Alex in a slightly different light than she did other people, Alex was special. Of course that was as a friend... Only a friend. That belief was a lot harder to cling on to when they were dancing. It felt nice to push back against Alex, comfortable and more arousing than Tessa would ever admit. Fortunately it was also a lot of fun, it allowed Tessa to relax and not worry about being hit on or groped, and she didn't have to think about whether she was giving off the wrong signal or not. She believed she didn't need to worry. She was fooling herself but that was fine, sometimes all you needed to do was be blissfully ignorant, or in her case in such utter, long-term denial that the self-told lie had become more truth than the actual truth. All of her rationalizations worked perfectly, as normal, right up until the moment they didn't. Tessa started feeling an awkwardness she kept buried deep down, more unnecessary shame really, away from the surface of her mind. The final straw, Alex's hands. The hands she caught a glimpse of constantly, changed, because they were resting on her hips. Such a simple action during an 'innocent' time together, but it was as if everything changed in that moment. The denial and bullshit she comforted herself with started slipping and she could only lose her rhythm and suddenly stop dancing, shivering in a twisted mix of delight and shame, a feeling that soon sunk and soured her stomach. She... This wasn't her, she wouldn't, she didn't! Fuck! Tessa wasn't so easily thrown by the abrupt thought chain, or the reaction of her body, it wasn't exactly the first time. Tessa grew up avoiding this truth, and while it slipped out on occasion it was always pushed back down quickly enough, repressed by her strong desire to hide it away from the world. Tessa wasn't sure why it was such a big deal, perhaps her upbringing or the joke of morality pushed into her in preparatory school, but whatever it was made her compelled to keep it locked away, as her own secret. So, she acted like she had even before she met Alex... She pushed it down. Sorry, I actually may need to stop. She chuckled, feeling like an idiot and a liar, but turning her body to give Alex a reassuring smile anyways, though remarkably more dim than her real smile just minutes ago. Just a bit dizzy, must be all the drinks. Tessa seemed, normal, like her usual self, aside from the strange pause between her stopping in her tracks and the subsequent attempt to convince Alex she was A-Okay. Tessa had been zoning out all day so it shouldn't be too unexpected, just another incident of her mind wandering off, soon to be forgotten, hopefully. Tessa just needed to have a good night's sleep and then to wake up the next morning and pretend it was any other day. After all, the tour was about to start, it wasn't the time to be ridiculous, she needed to keep herself together, but couldn't imagine doing so with limited balance and enough alcohol in her system to make the next morning a living hell. She needed to sleep... Only, the moment she mentioned calling it a night Alex offered to take her home, which held yet another problem Tessa didn't feel like dealing with. Yet another lie, albeit through omission. --- After a few moments of fabrication a little lie passed through Tessa's lips about how her place was further away and she was exhausted, and then a little whining that made Alex sigh and give her what she wanted, which was a place to crash for the night. It was inconvenient since she would have to wake up early to go pack and then meet the band, a task she should have already done, and very much counter intuitive considering her current line of thoughts concerning Alex, but it was the only way. It would be fine, it always was. They would go on tour, Alex would go about her usual routine of hookups, and she would go back to her short-lived serial monogamy lifestyle. Going on dates, maybe hooking up, and always feeling like it was pointless to meet up again. She was never dishonest with anyone but herself, after a date, or a few depending on how interesting the guy, or how good the sex, and she would dump them. She was straightforward, it just never felt right... She had yet to find the guy worth dating for more than a few weeks. That's how it would go, one night to sleep it off and the rest of the tour to act like normal, easy... Only, this time it didn't vanish like it normally did, and as the tour went on, Tessa found herself more and more frustrated, and took it out on everyone around her with snippy comments and more seclusion than normal.