Thread: Partners Vanishing Without a Word: You Are Not Alone

Erit of Eastcris said I'll just pop in to admit I've been on both ends of this enough times to say that sometimes things come up and people forget about RPing for a long time. I've had people vanish for months and come back saying, essentially, that they only just remembered the site existed and we talked for a bit before agreeing to drop our stories. I've vanished for similar lengths of time because shit happens and I forget to check in here, except I'm a massive coward so I don't get in touch because I convince myself that my old partners don't want anything to do with me. That's something else to consider sometimes people disappear, and when they come back they're scared to talk to you because of how you might or might not react. Click to expand... Agreed. Sometimes, I really try to stay with an rp and I like it but do not feel motivated to write for it. Time ticks by and I wait for the feeling and desire to come back because it's an idea I want to do. Why is it so hard? I ask myself, trying to sit and write a post and nothing coming out. And finally you hit a point where I'll do something else for a while becomes a way to find out that you're really never gonna write that post. But guess what, genius? You were so flipping excited in your last message to your partner, that it will look like a 180 to send that message backtracking it. ...And they'll be mad. All of which is really uncomfortable to deal with when you're so turned off of a story that you cannot just do a different plot with that same person. How do you sift through an explanation that comes down to It's not you but I cannot rp specifically with you anymore because my brain. Partly what I think this conversation ends up being about is projection and empathy. We are looking for escapism when we role-play and we resent needing someone else in order to do it. It's seriously inconvenient to write with someone else. There is a desperate need to not take the blame for why the story failed and the defensiveness that a lot of people feel when they say I have a right to know when it is over because my feelings! is because you suddenly disappearing sounds a lot like, you're the reason I left. It is a silent confirmation of what they secretly believe. I think the conversation could use an affirmation of three points 1. the role-play means nothing you're writing to fill space and time but when it is done, page 42 of the subforum is where it'll end up by the end of the year. 2. the role-play has a very high chance of dying and there's likely nothing you can do about it. 3. if it does die it is nobody's fault. No matter where you feel like you can point the blame, the nature of the game is to be a fleeting flight of fancy and nothing more. Blame is a big reason people get upset about this, whether the silent departure of a partner feels like blame or whether we feel the weight of blame when we simply cannot perform on demand for hours and days in a constant stream like some sort of novelist machine. I think if we extended a bit of compassion for our fellow writers and understand the above three points as a core part of the role-play experience, then people would be more willing to accept I cannot do this anymore sorry and people would be a lot more willing to give that answer. That's my theory anyway. Particularly since the rping experience is so dependent upon instant validation, I think it holds water.