Thread: Sexual Star, Amateur at Love (Javorcek X ClearSight)

Im not weak to people in need! Lie. Alright, maybe she was a little bound by her own moralhonor code to help those in need. But she was not weak! And all she had wanted to do was make Elle a nice meal that wasnt hospital food, not stand here in the hallway and deal with this bullshit. Gaaaaahhhhwhy do women always want to talk about things? Alex didnt want to talk about anything, she wanted the problem to either go away magically or to ignore it entirely until it wasnt a big deal anymore. Elle, on the other hand, appeared to be really good at pouring gasoline onto their problems and setting the whole pile on fire. ARE YOU FOR FUCKING FOR REAL, ELLE?!?! Alex boomed incredulously. She could count the number of times she had flown off the handle infront of Elle on only one hand. Her rage had never been focused on her lover for any of those times, it was usually only directed towards drunken assholes at the bar or at Time Warner Cable customer service representatives. Those people may as well be drunken assholesfucking incompetent bastards At least she wouldnt hit anything that she deemed weaker than her, so that saved Elle from a punch to the face as Alex replayed the words I can get someone from work to help take care of me in her head. Thoughin Alexs mind they sounded more like I can get someone from work to come over and fuck me silly on our bed because you are shit for a lover and a girlfriend. Yeah, being able to bottle things up and work out things in your head is not always the best thing. --- Alex I can explain Alex could remember standing in the middle of her old living room in college, asking her fianc if the rumors had been true, if she really was running around with another girl behind Alexs back. Why is it everyone thinks they can explain away cheating? There is no justifiable cause, at least not in Alexs mind. She barely heard the list of reasons that her fianc well, soon to be ex-fiance gave for her transgressions. Youre just busy all the time, Really? It was senior year, how the fuck is everyone not- busy? Youre always working or youre painting Painting is not work? What I do and I love is not a real job to you? You never have any time for me Im here every fucking weekend and every night!! Im so glad this fucking thing meant so much to your, Chels! Alex hissed as she ripped the ring off of her finger and hurled that stupid goddamn symbol of love and devotion straight at her cheating ex. You want to throw everything away because you cant help but be a two timing whore? Well fine! Fuck you too! --- Alex felt like she was a stupid little dreamer in college again, getting her heart ripped out by some girl that didnt give a flying fuck about I love yous or the stupid fake futures they planned before bed. Ones where theyd have a house, kids, and maybe a cat because lesbians love getting pet cats together. At least she wasnt engaged this time, that was good, right? Though now as thought about it, she felt even more like a dumbass because she had a savings account that she had slowly been socking away money into for a ring for Elle. Elle made a decent amount of money more than her and Alex had been aggressively saving for awhile now, wanting to prove that even though she didnt make a ton of money as an artist, she could still manage to get her girlfriend something expensive. You are so fucking stupid sometimes Welp, looked like that extra savings was going to go to finding a new apartment, because Alex didnt think she could do this. Dont you dare fucking stand there and say you want me to be in your life forever. No more fucking lies, Elle! Perhaps that was the worst part about all this, Alex had truly believed that Elle was a programmer. Her lover had been lying right to her face, and Alex hadnt been able to tell the difference. How would she stay with someone that she couldnt trust? What is there to talk about? What can either of us possibly say. You run around with other girls behind my back. Do you bring them home when Im gone? Fuck them in our bed too?! I have tried so damn hard, Elledont even tell me that you were feeling fucking lonely whenever I was traveling. Loving Elle was not hard, it had never been, but being a good girlfriend was. Alex was really bad at balancing her life, her friends, her work, and her girlfriend. Usually her relationships failed because she would get sucked into the studio or shed go out with her buddies from work or from college too much. So shed tried really, really hard with Elle because she loved this girl so much. Shed even started setting alarms on her phone so that she would come home at a reasonable hour so that she could spend time with her lover instead of painting! And yeah, sometimes shed have to travel and not be home all the time, go to gallery openings where they were showing her art in order to promote herself. Elle had never been able to get off of work to go to the shows that werent local, but Alex had tried so hard to make time for her lover if she was traveling, to call her every night or Skype with her whenever she could. How am I not enough for her? How am I not good enough for you yet? Alexs voice cracked and her eyes welled up with tears. And there it was, her major insecurity revealed Alex was afraid that she was not good enough for Elle. It was the baggage that came with being an artist in a family of successful professions. Her younger sister was a successful bonds broker, her little brother was in the middle of his clinicals for med school, and her parents were both established medical professionals. Alex was never good enough for anyone in her home life. And then there was Ellea girl that was so gorgeous that Alex thought she had been out of her league from the get go, who was incredibly smart, a programmer to boot that made nearly double what Alex could scrape together. Alex was surrounded by people that she could not measure up to in her public life, and now that inadequacy had spread into her private life if she wasnt a good enough fuck to even keep her girlfriend around. What good was she?