Thread: BoundWing's Writings and Rantings :)

I'm tired of finding myself in this damn limbo that's got me chained down. I've been floating, drifting for the past four years and I'm sick of it. I've been failing school, I'm been failing my friends, my family, failing myself. I can't wait any longer, I'm tired of just sitting around waiting for something to snap me out of it. I'm taking hold of my fate. I'm picking myself up and running towards where I need to be, away from this dead shell of a body, this poor excuse of a human being. I will be the unleashed dog of war, the being who lives on the edge of the knife. I thrive on being something more, I thrive under stress. I'll put my life on the line, not for my country, nor my fellow man. I will do it to find myself, to wake myself and unbind the wings in my heart and soul. I will cry out, I will shout and fight till I bring about the change that comes from MY hand. I will bring about my inner peace through means of outer chaos, and it will be nirvana for my soul. Even if my flesh is torn and burned away, even if my bones are crushed and my mind faded. I will be what I will be and no one, no one thing will stop me. Though my body may fade my soul will march on. Let the trumpets sound, let the drums of war be beaten as the war rages within me. I will be the victor, I will be the one to reign over my own fate. My choosing will be left to me, I will wrench it out of me. I , myself will pull my beating heart out of my chest and question it's being, what it's purpose is, and what it will be devoted to. Let there be a being, something strong enough to sway it, strong enough to stimulate a response, that will be what my heart will sing for. Right now I am nothing. I am worthless. Just another sack of blood,flesh and bone. I despise myself, I hate what I am and hate how far I have fallen. I feel I have failed so many. I feel like I've been given so many chances and just thrown them all away. I know not many give a damn about the person I am. Not many would care to know me, nor take the time to understand. But I've realized, after all the curve balls that life's been throwing at me, that it's time for me to to look past the want of being accepted. It's time for me to move on, and take my life in my hands. I'll let those who are truly accepting fall into my life, however many or few they may be. I feel as though I've never really had any calm times in my life. Even when there was an outer peace, I felt as though there was an inner war waging within myself. In my eyes, I'm not sure if I should believe that I deserve anything, and I know that for me, peace of mind and heart may never come. I know that life is full of uncertainty and that things may never be what I had in mind. I've realized what I need to do is see both sides of the coin, to break myself and let something new form. I want to feel my heart race...I want to be something more than I am now or ever was. I don't dream to be anyone important or special, or famous. I just want to be and feel more alive. I'm so tired of feeling like I'm dead inside. I want to wake up one day and know that today I'm alive. My heart will beat in the same normal fashion, my soul will let itself be known in the things I do and accomplish and my body will help to make my life something worth remembering. I want to make my life better than it is now. I want there to be meaning in everything I do, and I want to enjoy doing it. Even at the risk of loosing my own life. Besides, there's always another side to death, and I'm just as curious to find out about it as I am knowing about how I'm going to end up dead. So ladies and gentlemen of this fucked up little world of ours. I bid you all a fair goodbye...well it's a bit early, but I'm still leaving anyways. To those of you who have looked upon with me with kind and understanding eyes. You have my deepest, heart felt thanks. My life's been pretty rough, and your kindness has helped to keep me going. I hope to one day repay the favor to you, in anyway I can. For those of you I love and care about, I will continue to do so, so now worries I'm a foolish man, with a foolish heart, and a mind that sometimes won't shut up. But I am still myself, and I will still be the person you once knew. Though I'm hoping the next time I get to see you all. You'll be able to notice something different, something more appealing about me.