Thread: Memoirs of a Real Life Lover, Wife and Slave (Feel free to comment, post, PM, etc.)

RE Memoirs of a Real Life Lover, Wife and Slave Dear Blue Moon Diary, Work has been keeping me and Veinexes rather occupied but thankfully, I have a chance to write and log on more frequently. I've been .... better though everything could always be worse, no doubt. Needless to say, I feel like I've been shoved on one hell of a rollercoaster ride that while normally I'd enjoy, I can't say I do with this one. For instance, my parents are in the midst of moving to Oregon as my dad's found a better job. I have no qualms with the plan however they got this done so fast and abruptly that I may very well have to miss seeing my daughter for her 7th birthday as they intend to do the move in June, the same month as her birthday. I just feel like sometimes I never get a say in anything they do. Yes, my daughter is with them. I suppose I should backtrack just a tad, hm? Me and Veinexes currently live in a homeless shelter this I won't go into details as to how. Not exact ones anyways too long and even more depressing. Long story short though, a bunch of moves of our own went horribly wrong and my parents have never liked Veinexes. Well, my mom hasn't but when my dad sides too often with her, that's all it takes. After a stupid-ass assumption the shelter made and threatening me and Vein with getting CPS on our ass, I had to make one of the most difficult and selfless decisions of my life. I told my mom what was in the midst of going on and she was as angered at the idea as me. Ergo, her and dad agreed to take care of my beloved girl until we get settled, especially financially. SSI has been helping to some degrees with this goal ... but given the shelter made me spend such a huge amount recently, it just feels like we'll never get the hell out of here. Excuse my TayuyaHidan-like cursing fit but to say I've been frustrated lately is quite the understatement. the annoying sleeping schedule, if one can begin to call it that, probably isn't aiding me out much either. Anyways .... I've been having a few contemplations, some involving my real life and others not as directly linked to my family, namely things like 1. Whether to take up Vein's suggestion and see about a cheap flight to visit them. I still hate the fact he's trying to give up his chance to see his daughter ... though I do understand he'd be mainly remaining back to try to earn more money from his own job. From what I've been seeing though, too many are pushing 1000 dollars and if I'm to end up moving, I can't use up too much in my account. I'd heavily prefer to move out before this year ends .... but if need be, I can wait another damn year. 2. Whether to start writing erotic storiesfanfics. Now here's the main issue with this one I kid you all not when I say my mother has the damndest ability with research. I'll give a quick example to hint what I mean. Not long after I first moved up and in with Veinexes, we lived with his best friend's mother. My own mom was able to find out not only her full name but number in the span of a couple weeks ... and neither of us even mentioned where we'd gone to. Creepy huh? So ... if she could do that, I'm dreading if I wrote a book, got it published and then she found that out. It's pretty sad and stupid to be so afraid of one's own parent I can imagine ... but I truly fear if she discovered my writings, whether from here or otherwise, that she'd adopt my daughter and I'd never get to see her again. I realize this is drastic ... but when I told her and my father I was possibly bicurious, she refused to accept even the possibility and said I had to be heterosexual. And that was way before I even had my daughter. I just .... really am scared as hell of what she may or may not do. The simplest things upset her, somehow, regardless of whom they're from. A lot of people have asked me before if she and my dad had to be the ones whom took my girl to keep her safe and while I would have gladly tried to get a hold of Vein's parents, they were living out of state. At the time, my parents resided in the same city as me and Vein. If we hadn't taken actions soon, we definitely would have lost her no questions asked. So .... unfortunately yes, I did have to choose them over any other possibility. I almost wish that hadn't been the case though. A saying her and my dad have always told me throughout the years is, We just want you to be happy. And yet .... gods the times she's gone against those words. A mix of that plus fear have been keeping me from typing up anything on a laptop, from seeing if I could actually be a decent writer -- enough to get published for it. And it's so damn stupid, I realize, that I allow myself to be this afraid, this scared. But I feel as if too much is at stake .... and it's just .... making me restrain myself. But the writing muse of me is pissed off, wanting to do some thing, any thing. But it's hard to when you feel like you're in an endless loop ... I just feel stuck ... hopeless .... Hell, she doesn't even know I'm not only Vein's spouse but that we go as far as a Masterslave-type of relationship. There's so much her and dad don't know because if they ever found out .... so many bad things would happen. And with all I've been enduring even before having met Vein, I don't want to repeat similar concepts again not if it can be helped. Until next time, LadyYunaFFX2