Thread: The Looking Glass

Current Mood Capricious Today's journal covers 1. Accidental squirt. 2. Hypnosis 3. One or multiple RP partners. Obviously this paragraph is going to be sexual in nature, so if you don't wish to hear about it, just skip down to the next one and save yourself while you still can. Anyhow, I won't mention any age here, but several years back into my past I used to have a boyfriend who lived over 800 miles away and our way to get release was through phone sex. I won't go into details but I ended up squirting all over my blanket and causing quite the mess. I hadn't heard of female ejaculation yet and I seriously thought I pissed myself. I abruptly ended the call and went to clean up. I was extremely ashamed even though it was the best orgasm I had ever had. After that, whenever I would feel that coming on, I would force myself to stop, or push back the feeling, not allowing myself to relax into it. Many years later I find out about this 'mysterious' thing women can do and all the debates on if it is real. It didn't click with me right then and there, but after a year or so, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I had squirted and I thought it was piss! By that point I had suppressed that type of orgasm to the point that I couldn't achieve it again. I worked for a long year trying to get it back, trying to relax. Then one day I was extremely aroused. I had been roleplaying all night and I was very horny. I grabbed my favorite toy and I was determined. FINALLY! After all those years, I was able to again. It was like I had resurrected a side of my sexuality and I was so thrilled. I can't say it is easy like it was that first time. It is still difficult to achieve. I feel like the stars have to align and I have to be in the perfect move. I hope one day to be able to do it effortlessly. I still have many mental huddles to overcome, but I'm working hard to get that back. . . Oh how I could go on and on about hypnosis. Many people have a misconception of what hypnosis really is. It isn't that movie magic where you can make someone do whatever you want at the swing of a pocket watch. Statistically only 25 of people can be hypnotized that way. But if you are not mentally retarded, you can... in fact be hypnotized. The smarter you are, the more susceptible you are. We enter a state of hypnosis several times a day! It is a natural state of mind. Now, with that out of the way, I want to say that I have been interested in hypnosis for over two years now. Last year I started studying it and even learned to hypnotize people at will. I have learned everything from slow relaxation inductions to rapidinstant inductions, the tips and tricks, how it works, and how to help enable change in the brain. I have been seriously considering getting my certification and becoming a certified hypnotherapist and possibly do stage hypnosis. Anyhow, I have been considering hypnotizing my roleplay partner and guiding him through a heavily roleplay imagery scenario. . . Quite excited about it. If you have any questions about hypnosis, what it is, or is not, I'd be happy to answer anything. This is a passion of mine and I'd love to share. So I had a brief discussion with my roleplay partner, and even had a little chat with another friend about having one roleplay partner versus multiple ones. I never really thought having more than one was a big deal, but for the most part, I never needed more than one. Once I got a good active partner, I didn't need a second. But it has been brought to my attention, that some people prefer that you only roleplay with them. I didn't think it was a big deal considering it isn't like a committed relationship or anything, but my partner suggested that it would make him feel down to know I was roleplaying with someone else. As if he was not enough or that I was bored with our current roleplay or something. That definitely wouldn't be the case if I sought out another partner... but none the less, it got my thinking. Since I'm a big girl now, my roleplays have shifted in nature and are more sexual. I am sharing something sexual with another person. It is as if I am in an intimate relationship with my partner, and if I was to go off and do this with someone else at the same time, I can clearly see how and why this would hurt to them. It is interesting to think about, but I think I can understand now. I wasn't 'committed' to my roleplay partner, but I wasn't looking for other partners either. Now with my change in views, I won't be roleplaying with anyone else as long as we continue to roleplay because I can honestly say I am fully committed to him. . .