Thread: Dancing With Myself, and other things I shouldn't do...

Where do I put the shame?, it feels like a broken toy I can't play with anymore. Where do I put the hate?, to a pixilated screen I can't watch anymore... Lol. Well...I could argue that times are still very much like that, simply less obvious. Anyway, political opinions aside.... Or well, no, lets talk some tics here cause right now I'm kinda pissed off. However before I continue, if I offend you, my deep sincere apologies. Now, put on your big unisex panties, and go away. Opinions don't hurt anything and if I disagree with you--just agree to disagree. Mmkay? No, not talking anything particularly controversial really, just mentioning how fucking hard it is to get a job in this god damn economy. Particularly when you aren't a college grad yet nor are you in college yet. I'm trying to get in a community program where I will get not only free training, but a lot of decent job experience beyond fry cook. Well not only is it free but they pay me 20 a day for going to a program that would cost me about an arm and a leg, if not my first born to take regularly. Yet there is always a butt to things like this. I'm not a fifteen year old, single mother, drug addict, without a GED. I have a high school diploma. And on the record books my mother obviously makes SOOO MUCH money that I shouldn't need help. I say drug addict loosely since I am no longer using. I have the addictive personality and all, but I have it bound and gagged in the basement currently --There is no place on the fucking application to mention medical bills, two mortgages, and twelve years of credit card debt. To give the system it's due, I'm not denying that there are other people that totally need more help than me. I'm not saying those single mothers don't deserve all the help that they can get, and I know very well that if I was to get in that there would be one woman out there that was more qualified who got left out. I get it. I feel guilty and I haven't even been accepted yet. But don't I deserve to have the system work in my favor sometimes too? I barely scraped through high school, and if it wasn't for the fact that I got a few lucky brakes from a few exceptional teachers, I wouldn't have graduated on time. In any case, I'm nervous I wont qualify, and I'm going to have to go into fast food. Which, a job is a job, I get it--I just have enough body issues without being surrounded by junk food everyday. I have too many problems with food. I doubt I could even do waitressing. rant. Well, okay. Not too political. I'm avoiding political party bullshit because I don't really buy into them. But that's a discussion for a whole 'nother post. ANYWAY... Other than the aforementioned, life is pretty okay. I took my brother swimming day before yesterday, got to laugh at all the stupid girls tanning and being divas as I played jellyfish racing with my little six year old man. I think it's partially out of envy though. I don't tan. Some people can, and some people tan after they burn--I'm just a lobster or I'm liquid paper white. I'd make a good goth, but I lack the eyeliner application skills. I do however rock at the poetry aspect, and I love The Crow, Nine Inch Nails, Marylin Manson, Jhonen Vasquez, and I'm a fan of The Cure. Tanning diva girls just irritate me. Maybe it's because I have five older brothers, maybe it's cause I'm a feminist, who knows, but I think that there is something fundamentally wrong with thirteen year old girls thinking that they need to tan. Why not climb a tree and catch lizards if you don't want to get wet? --I'll just come out and say I blame Twilight for this. I just know that Potato and I had fun and I tanned a little bit wearing my 50 spf sunblock if you can believe it so now I look like a normal white person as opposed to a dead one, in some places I think I'm rambling. In any case, been fun! Cosmic, signing off salutes then does chicken dance All I know is that I'm here, drifting somewhere in the vast. V.A.S.T. Visual, Audio, Sensory, Theatre, Here.