Thread: I need help with comma usage

I'm not the best at grammar, never claimed to be. But I think it's important for me to address this now, so I can continue writing a fanfic that I've actually decided to go public with. I want some second opinions on my uses of commas. I was taught to never use a comma before the word and and I don't know how wrong that is. My teacher hated excessive commas so I've always had a bad habit of only using one in a sentence and breaking up sentences that run too long. I'm going to include the first couple of pages of my fanfic and would like some help dissecting it. I need to be told what exactly I did wrong so I can keep it in mind while I write my next chapter. How many commas, if you can have too many in a sentence, would you say is appropriate? Because two is always the max for me and I don't even like two. Here's a sample of my writing. See more If there was one thing that worried Pit, it was the indefinite silence of his otherwise cheerful and energetic Goddess, Palutena. The green-haired deity was always getting her head into things, constantly learning about new discoveries of the mortals or even new discoveries over her garden that was overrun by all sorts of magical entitiessome of which rebelled against her. Either way it had been a few days since the angel heard her talkand it was really starting to worry him! Every time he came to check on her after doing his daily patrols, she was always sitting there! On that luxurious throne! It looked comfy but that couldnt have been healthy, even for a Goddess! Lately she had just been watching over Medusa...who was resurrected recently as a mortal being so they could assess her and see if she was ready to take back her role as Goddess of Darkness. A few thousand years in the underworld should have taught her a lesson. But it was still Medusa and from what they had seen thus far she was still the same. Bitter, jealous and prideful. Even as a little kid she wasnt cutenot even a tiny bit. Least not to himPalutena had found it all to be an exciting experience since this was the first time she had seen deities reborn as humans. But just about all her excitement came from the mortal world and Pit was beginning to think she needed a break. He approached her, however she didnt seem to notice him. Her green eyes were just settled on the crystal ball, which he found a bit unnerving. Either way, he cleared his throat and finally she glanced up at him. Hey, Lady Palutena The chestnut haired angel began cautiously. H-How have you been? You havent been talking in quite a while. Its been days. Days? Palutena asked absentmindedly before she blinked and looked around her. Sure enoughthe last time she looked up from that crystal ball it had been night time. She jumped up all of a sudden, the crystal in her lap tipping over but stopping to a hover just above the ground. She summoned her scepter and it floated towards it until it latched inside, securing itself. All the while it still surveyed Medusa. Oh Gosh! I didnt realize just how long it had been! You must be starving! She said in a panic as she moved passed him, clearly intending to go towards the kitchen. No, Im fine! Pit awkwardly reached out and grabbed her by the arm. Ughhe kind of forgot how smooth her skin was. He tried to avoid touching her because he was just about that age now. Going through angel puberty was confusing and scary. Palutena turned around, giving him a curious look. Whats up, Pit? Something bothering you? She asked, though it was clear that she knew something was on his mind. Whenever she paid attention to him she could always tell if something wasnt right. She knew him better than anybody. Well yeah. I think thatyou should probably take a break watching Medusa. There are other Gods watching over her too, you know? Youre not the only one keeping track of her. Pit told her as he looked into her eyes. Sometimes he had to get used to being almost as tall as herhe grew out of nowhere one day and ever since then it had been weird. I know that Im not the only one keeping an eye on her, Pit. Palutena said absentmindedly as she slipped away from his grasp and started walking towards the kitchen, which was all the way at the end of the east wing of her temple. But lately things have just beenstale here. Everything has been the same for a long time. The mortal world though, theres so much change. I want to experience that change firsthand, like Medusa is doing. I havent taken a vacation in eons, so maybe Wait, what? You arent seriously thinking about going down there, are you? Thats crazy! Pit hissed, his wings ruffling slightly in protest. Whats so crazy about it? Palutena asked as she looked into the crystal again with a smile. Ughher eyes! Pit had seen that look before, she was already determined to do this. Crap! Medusa was sent to live down there as a punishment, you know? If you just voluntarily go down there, what would you do? We cant intervene with the mortals anyway, not unless theres a magical threat that we need to eliminate! And there hasnt been one of those sincesinceHades! They had dealt with their own problems, but the mortal world was kept out of it. Probably why the majority of them didnt believe in any higher power anymore. Im not going to intervene with the mortals, Im going to live amongst them for a little while. A vacation without being a Goddess for a few years sounds nice. Plus, Medusa is starting to come of age where shes responsible for the choices that she makes. What better way to watch her than on her level? Palutena asked with a playful grin just before disappearing completely in front of his eyes. Pit blinked for a moment before scratching his head in agitation. Aghh! I hate when she does this! He took off down the hall, towards the place he knew she would be. This discussion wasnt over! Palutena knew that no matter what she decided, Pit would go along with it. And quite frankly, she wanted him therebut she also wanted someone else to come with them too. Someone who could probably relate better to Medusa than Pit could. He probably wouldnt come without her tricking him into it though. That was fine, he needed to experience something new too! She was sure Viridi wouldnt mind if she borrowed him for a little while. But seeing as how those two were angels, she knew that they would need some magic to help fit in with the humans. And she just so happened to have an item that did just thatshe would just need to use a little magic to duplicate it so there would be more than one. She made up her mind, she would set this plan in motion. Now all she needed to do was find that bangle and replicate it before Pit figured out where she had warped off to. After digging through her many treasure boxes, she found what she was looking for. She gently placed it down on the table in the center of the room and focused on it for a moment. The Bangle of Transformation was a tricky item to replicate, but she had learned from Dyntos a few things about creating replicas. He was the best, so she had confidence she could do it. A wave of her scepter and the bright glow of her halo was all it took, honestly. The item shined brightly and then multiplied in a quite literal poof of magic. Now there were two! It wasnt long after that before the door to her study opened, but she slyly hid the second bangle before Pit could even notice it when she turned her back to face him. He was panting heavilypoor thing. Having to run all over the place instead of using his wings. That wasnt.that wasnt funugh! That wasnt funny! Pit sputtered through his heavy panting, wiping the sweat from his brow. Lady Palutena, how could you?! We were having a discussion! Im sorry, Pit. I just wanted to show you something. Put this on. Palutena told him as she handed him the original bangle. Pit eyed it suspiciously before taking it with a bit of reluctance. Whats this going to do to me, Lady Palutena? The last strange thing you had me wear set me on fire! Pit whined, but he still unlatched it so he could secure it to his wrist. Youll see. Besides, its not like the fire hurt you. Those anklets could come in handy someday. Palutena smirked. It was still very uncomfortable! Pit retorted before he latched the bangle onto his wrist. He took a deep breath and braced forsomething. But when he felt nothing he just looked around. Umm was something supposed to happen? Because if this is just regular jewelry He glanced down at the gold and black bangle. Its not really my style. Palutena laughed a bit and then circled him before placing her hand on where his wings should have been. Incredible. I knew for sure it would disguise you but it actually did turn you into a normal looking human. Guess thats why they call it the Bangle of Transformation instead of the Bangle of disguise! She should have tested her replica firstmaybe. What? My wings are gone?! Pit moved his arms awkwardly towards his back as he tried to touch thembut they really werent there anymore. He hurriedly took off the bracelet to make sure it wasnt permanentand right before Palutenas eyes they became visible and solid again. Pit stretched them out and sighed in relief. I seeso you really are serious about visiting the mortal world? He asked her with a slight frown. I want you to come with me, Pit. I cant just leave without a reasonwhen I come back Ive got to explain to Dyntos and the others that I was putting Medusa through tests. Which I will doalong with other things. She smiled at him. Pit couldnt help but be sucked into that smileit was what Lady Palutena wanted. She was obviously excited at the thought and he knew it would make her happy. He had no choice then. ..Fine. Ill come with you. But only because Im Captain of the royal guard. I need to keep you safe. He grinned smugly at her. Palutena laughed a bit and then brought him in for a hug, pressing him tightly against her body. Pit wasnt really expecting thatand had to focus all of his efforts not to feel how warm she wasor notice how good she smelled. He justwrapped his arms around her absentmindedly and tried to focus on anything else. But she felt so good. Luckily for him she pulled back before he had gotten fully hardbut even a half hard erection was annoying against his shorts. Palutena didnt seem to notice, so he didnt say anything. Should Ipack or something? Pit asked her curiously as she walked passed him in a hurried manner. At least she was excited. It had been a long time since she was excited about anything. No, dont bother packing. Ill take care of everything! Palutena told him before once again disappearing from his sights. Pit sighed and shook his head. Wellif they were going to be living with mortals at least she couldnt do that to him anymore