name,line
House, [shouting through the door] Help! [He bangs on the door a few times.] Help me!
House," Dry heaves are gone, so am I."
Valdez, I'll check with the doctor.
House," No, no, no, no. I'm here voluntarily. Just got to check with me."
Valdez, I'm sorry. Dr. Nolan left specific instructions.
Nolan," She's not sick. She's scared. So tell her to tell ""�"
House, [from the doorway] Wow. [They both look up.] And he's black. I thought you'd be a little more sensitive on the slavery issue.
House, Can't keep me.
Nolan," Dr. House, you look a lot better."
House," I am a lot better. No painkillers. No hallucinations. Leg hurts, but it's Manageable. Great job. Gonna miss you. Want to start missing you as soon as possible."
Nolan," Well, legally, you're free to go whenEver you want, but I suggest you stay."
House, I'll take it under advisement.
Nolan," If you thought the hallucinations were from your Vicodin pRoblem, why didn't you just check yourself into a rehab facility?"
House, I was deluded into thinking I might be crazy.
Nolan," But you had been abusing Vicodin for years. NEver had delusions. NEver had trouble sleeping. NEver had any pRoblems other than narcissism and antisocial behavior, until two colleagues died. Your father died. Your issues run deeper than Vicodin."
House," Well, that's not gonna cheer me up, is it?"
Nolan," You need to be transferred to our long-term ward, started on medication, talk therapy ""�"
House," Yeah, I get it. Uh, just one thing I'm getting hung up on. I can leave whenEver I want. How 'bout I start with that? [He heads for the door.]"
Nolan, You can't go back to practicing medicine.
House, [turning slowly] I don't want to practice medicine. I've decided I want to be an astronaut.
Nolan," Well, if you want your state astronaut's license, you're gonna need my recommendation."
House," Is that a popular new treatment ""� blackmail?"
Nolan, You need to get better.
Orderly, Welcome to Ward Six.
House," So, brass tacks! What do I have to do, and how long do I have to be here?"
Beasley," Depends on you. Process is pretty basic. If you follow the schedule, agree to take meds, participate in group and individual therapy, we can work on goals ""�"
House, I set a goal.
Beasley, Excellent. What is it?
House," My goal is to get your boss to write the letter that I want him to write. Now let's talk process. I can smile through gritted teeth and play nice, but there are serious risks of violence involved in that choice so I'm going with turning this ward upside down, making you and your boss' job and life so unManageable that he'll write whatEver he has to write to get rid of me."
Safer, He's all set.
Beasley, Thanks.
Alvie," Ow. I've nEver been in the end unit before. [getting closer] Yo, I don't need an escort. Get off me. [He enters and drops his duffle on the other bed. He's a huMan perpetual motion maParkne.] Who are you? You beliEve these guys? Lecturing me on Manic depression, like I couldn't write a book or two. I stop taking my meds because I want to stop taking my meds, because nothing is wrong with me. No reason to keep dragging me back here. When I'm on them, Everything slows down. That's when the pRoblem is. Hey, nice to see you. My roommate last time couldn't stand me."
House," [who has continued unpacking, silently] Really?"
Alvie," I'm Juan Alvarez. J.A.'s my stage name, but Alvie's what Everybody around here calls me, like the Woody Allen character in, uh, Annie Hall, but the Puerto Rican version and not as neurotic. So what do I call you?"
House," Oh, you're actually waiting for an answer this time. You can call me House."
Alvie," Ow! [sings and plays air guitar] He's a brick, wah wah wah wah, House. Buh buh dum dum."
Alvie," [behind him] Hey, wait up. I've already got the whole place wired so I'll give you the rundown. [They enter the dayroom.] Yo, Everybody! This is my new roommate, House, y'all. [to House] Main thing you gotta know ""�"
House, [to Annie who is standing and staring into the office area] Is this the line?
Alvie," [to Annie] Hey, Gabby, meet my new roommate, House. You can call him ""Heezy.""�"
House," No, you can't."
Alvie," Don't worry. She won't call you anything. She hasn't talked in, like, ten years or something. Good you came here. You need to know the lay of the land."
House," [rapping with his cane on the glass window of the office] I need to request a new room. [He starts walking down the perimeter of the office, looking for someone. Alvie follows.]"
Alvie, Ha. Ha. You're funny. You're also gonna come here to get your meds.
House, I'm not on any meds.
Alvie, You either? Good for you. Tell me my mind works too fast. PRobably tell Usain Bold he runs too fast.
House," Excuse me. I know you're busy ignoring me, but my minibar is empty."
Alvie," You think Bolt could do the long jump? That sport needs to evolve. Had the same world record for, like, 20 years. I think if one guy launched himself headfirst and right before he hits the ground does a front flip instead, get three extra feet out of that, easy."
House, Go be that Man.
Hal," Ahhhhh! Ow, my head. Gahhh. My head."
Safer, [coming over to him] You're not getting any Haldol. Sorry.
Alvie," That's Hal. His real name is Connor, but we call him Hal because he ""�"
House," Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it. [He goes to the piano.]"
Alvie," We can't play that. They keep it locked up. I wish we could, but at the same time, you can imagine how annoying that could be. Crazy people playing on it all the time. We'd nEver get any peace. Come on. I want to introduce you to Everybody."
Medina, Do you think he's serious? He's a doctor. He knows that acting out will only reinforce our diagnosis.
Nolan, [behind them] Or it'll work.
Medina, You actually think this is something we should be concerned about?
Nolan," A Patient makes a threat, you should always be concerned."
Beasley, There are two new additions to our ward. You all know Alvie.
Alvie," [jumping up] Thank you, thank you. Hold your applause. It's great to be back here in Mayfield. Not just for the food. Not just for the ladies ""� [he looks around] Well, okay, maybe just for the ladies. [He sits down.]"
Beasley, And you should also welcome Greg to the floor.
House, Don't worry about the name. I'm just passing through. Don't want to break any hearts.
Bird, Can we go outside now?
Beasley," Not now, Jay."
House," So he's claustrophobic, right? [to Jay] You're claustrophobic? [to Beasley] Can I get a pen to write this stuff down?"
Richter, Where are you going? [to Beasley] Where's he going
Beasley, It's okay.
House, [pointing at Richter] Paranoid. Check.
Hal, Dr. Beasley. I am having an issue with the food.
Beasley, What's the pRoblem?
Hal," I swear I'm eating less and less, and I just keep getting bigger and bigger."
House, A crayon? Anybody?
Beasley, We'll talk about it another time. I understand you all had art therapy yesterday.
Susan, Maybe we can hang some of the new pieces on the wall.
House," Cut your wrists, huh?"
Beasley," Greg, there are certain topics ""�"
House," [feigning shock] Oh, I'm sorry. Is suicide taboo? Gosh, if I've broken a rule on my first day, I will kill myself."
Beasley, Group's over. [Richter and Jay-Bird leave immediately.]
House, That flew by.
Beasley, You realize you're not the first uncooperative Patient on this floor?
House, Really? Is there a club?
Beasley, Yes. [standing and pointing] Come with me to the clubHouse.
Orderly, That didn't take long.
House, I'm that good.
Alvie," C'mon, c'mon, c'mon. [He catches the ball as it rebounds off the backboard.]"
Beasley," Come on, Alvie! Let's see some action."
Alvie, [shooting past Jay-Bird] Oh! You got nothing!
Richter, Me! Me! Me!
Beasley," Pass, pass, pass! Good. [As Richter shoots.] Come on, guys! [to House] Ready to play nice?"
House," Would you beliEve me if I said ""yes""�?"
Beasley, No.
House," Then, yes."
Beasley, You do know I'm trying to help you.
House," [nods] I also know you're trying to be sweet, caring and effective. You're just not."
Beasley, You want out. [House looks at her.] Just talk. Be honest. Try to work with people. Try to deal with people.
House, [nods slightly] Okay.
Alvie," House, House! He's on my team!"
House, Shut up. Nobody likes you.
Bird, Hey.
House, Am I crowding you?
Bird, What?
House, Can't see the sun?
Bird, [backing up and sinking lower with each step] Huh?
House," Oh, no! Everything is closing in."
Bird," [seated on the ground, gives House the ball] Okay."
House," [to Beasley] He's the claustrophobic one, right? 'Cause I'm doing this from memory. [He starts walking toward the basket.]"
Richter, You have to dribble.
House," Why? The CIA satellites aren't watParkng me. They're watParkng you, 'cause you're wearing green. [As Richter tears off his sweater and throws it on the ground, House turns to Beasley] That one was just too easy. [Turning to Hal] Seriously, anorexia? What, are you supposed to be a girl? And, in answer to your implicit question, yes, those pants do make you look fat. [Hal backs away quickly. House looks around and sees Susan standing under the basket.] How upset were you when you woke up in the ER and you were still alive and a failure? [She turns and walks away. House looks at Beasley, bounces the ball a couple of times and makes an easy lay-up.]"
Alvie," Whoo-hoo. Two-nothing. Good, guys!"
House, You're right. It is rewarding when you reach out.
Beasley, You can't go up there. It's yard time now.
House, Put it on my tab.
House, I think you'll find music therapy's more effective if the Patients are inside to hear it. [She smiles and continues playing.] Where'd you get the key?
Lydia, [speaking with a GerMan accent] They gave it to me.
House," [pointing to Annie] So, if she Ever talks, are we gonna get a GerMan accent?"
Lydia," [laughing] No. She's, um, my husband's sister."
House, So let him come play the piano.
Lydia, He doesn't know how to play.
House," Nice. You're a little heavy on the right foot, though. [He sits next to Annie.]"
Lydia, See her head? It bobs to the music. It's the only real reaction I'm getting from her. [House takes Annie's wrist.] It feels like! we're talking.
House, You're not talking. [She stops playing and looks at him.] Her head is bobbing to her pulse.
Lydia, Are you a new doctor on the ward?
House," Technically, yes."
House, Can I lead this time?
Orderly, Come on.
House," [to Lydia, over his shoulder as they lead him off] Leave the lid unlocked when you're done."
House, Can you close the door? You're letting all the cool air out.
Beasley," If you keep up this scorched-earth policy, you're gonna end up living in this room. Are you ready to try another strategy, or do you want me to leave you in here?"
Alvie," Twenty-one. Two one. That's game. Hey, House is back."
Diane, I'll get the ball.
Alvie, [to House] Come on. I need some meat. I got no one left to play.
Diane, I'll play you.
Alvie," Girl! Come on, House. You can serve. [He rolls the ball across the table toward House, who picks it up.]"
House," I've had some time to think about the approach I've been taking. [He looks back at Beasley.] I'm new, unhappy here, and I've been taking it out on you guys! unfairly. It was! misdirected anger. [He bounces the ping pong ball on the table once.] 'Cause when you think about it, the real jerks here are the doctors."
Beasley, House.
House," See how they give you a ping pong table, but no paddles. No net. It's like they're mocking you."
Alvie, Preach!
House," The game is called table tennis, not table volleyball."
Beasley," [coming over] Greg, you know where this is gonna end."
House, Who Ever saw a tennis court without a net?
Richter," Little run-down Park across from my apartment growing up. Three courts, no nets. No one Ever used it."
House, No one's gonna try to hang themselves with a ping pong net.
Hal, Of course not.
Bird, That's ridiculous.
Alvie," It ain't right, doc. You treat us like little kids."
House," No, little kids are allowed to play ping pong and they can play the piano."
Richter," Yeah, worse than little kids."
Beasley," All right, why don't we just go and sit down and discuss it?"
Hal," No, no, no, no. I want to discuss it right here."
Beasley," Guys. [They continue.] Guys. [House is bopping to the rhythm of their noise, silently egging them on.] Guys!"
Alvie," We want our paddles. We want our paddles. We want ""�"
Nolan, House is right. [He holds up two paddles.] I think Everyone here can handle these. [He tosses one to Alvie and turns to leave.]
House, Seriously? Is that your strategy? Give Everybody what they want except me?
Nolan," You're a natural leader. You could do something useful down here, for them, definitely for you. Or we could! keep fighting. If you think you can break me, if you think I'm not Every bit as stubborn as you."
Alvie," [rapping] Came to fight the Man and he had the master plan, but it started to unravel, Nolan smashed him with his gavel like BLAH."
House, Shut up.
Alvie, So you gonna keep trying to make them miserable?
House, No
Alvie, New plan?
House, Yep.
Alvie, What is it?
House, I don't know yet.
Alvie," [rapping in a whisper] His mind is burning, the wheels are turning, the butter is churning. You think Nolan can keep House from strolling? ""�"
House," You know, it's easier to come up with a new plan in silence."
Alvie, [snaps his fingers] Right. Cool. [He lays quietly for close to ten seconds.] Can I hum?
Beasley, I'd like you all to welcome another addition to our ward. Steve.
Freedom Master, Uh Freedom Master. Steve Elkerton is just a cover. It's like Clark Kent or Bruce Wayne or Peter Parker.
Alvie, Coooool. We got more Jesuses than superheroes.
Freedom Master," Well, I try to blend in in the outside world, but I figure in here, Everybody gets it."
Alvie, [to House in a stage whisper] Hey! We're living in the Ward of Justice. [He mimes a mask with his fingers.]
Beasley, Alvie. [to Freedom Master] Can you explain a little more about what you think Everybody gets?
Freedom Master," There's good and evil in the world. And some people are ""� are special, and they're chosen to help keep evil forces at bay."
Susan," You don't think you can stop bullets, do you?"
Freedom Master, I move out of their way.
Richter, Can you read minds?
Freedom Master, No.
Beasley," Group time, Greg."
Freedom Master, Why isn't she talking? [He points at Annie.] She needs help. She needs somebody to save her.
Beasley, That's what we're all trying to do. Let's take five minutes. Everybody get to know Steve.
Freedom Master, I can fly. [Alvie laughs.]
Beasley," [to House] I know you're scheming. Working on your next elaborate plan to get out of here. Why don't you put the plan on hold for a few days? See what happens. Just let me do my job. If you prefer private to group, we can do that, maybe try some SSRIs. [House is busy staring at Nolan and an attractive Woman in the Parking lot.] If you think nothing's working, you can always go back to your schemes."
House," God, if only you'd said that two minutes ago, before I came up with my new scheme. Now I'm committed. [He takes a step past her then leans back with a huge smile on his face.] Ha! Get it!"
Alvie, Huh. Shaq up in my area. I'm a better baller and a better rapper. [He shoots.] What? And I'm good at basketball too.
House, [approaches] Do you have third floor privileges?
Alvie, [nodding] Ever since I shared in group about my uncle fondling me.
House, Is that true?
Alvie," Yeah. And now I can use the third-floor vending maParknes. [He continues to shoot, miss and grab the rebounds during the conversation.] You eat sour cream and onion Parkps? I mean the whole point is the dipping. Sure, we save time by not adding the mix and sour cream, but you're missing out on the ""�"
House, I need you to break into Nolan's office.
Alvie, [instantly into it] ComMando style.
House, I want you to focus.
Alvie, You want me to mess him up?
House, Go into Nolan's office. Look at his calendar. I need the name of the Woman he met with at 11 today.
Alvie," No pRoblem. And I'll get you some old-school Parkps. If they have them, I'll get you some dip. But I've nEver seen dip in the vending maParkne."
House," Yes, get me Parkps and dip. What else?"
Alvie," I get it, I get it. Plan ""B.""� ""B""� is for blackmail. I got you covered. [hands House the basketball and whispers] ComMando style."
Alvie," Let me go! I just wanted a little snack, all right? Yo, I didn't know they maParkne was moved! I want some Ritz Bits. Yo, I might be pregnant! I get these cravings!"
House, You get the name?
Alvie," Nolan's schedule book just has a big ""X""� marking out the whole middle of the day."
House," Well, then we can assume the girl he's with is called ""Nooner.""�"
Alvie," [chuckling] Nooner, Nooner, Nolan's gonna spoon her."
House, He's gonna fork her.
Alvie, And then he's gonna knife her. [House looks at him.] I didn't get a chance to check the phone or anything else.
House, That's okay. I got her license plate. I call my friend. He gets the name. I get the letter that gets me out of here.
Alvie, You got phone privileges?
House, I'm on lEvel minus four. I'm still writing with a crayon. You?
Alvie, You got to be at lEvel five. That's like the top of the Space Needle. Hal's the only one that's up that high.
House, Hal's at lEvel five?
Alvie, They give him a point Every time he clears his plate. I've been eating his potatoes.
House, Will he sell you some minutes?
Alvie, No. I pay two cigarettes for the potatoes. Phone's worth a lot more.
House, [thinks] Can you cheek a pill?
Alvie, No.
House, That's too bad for you.
House, You sure you're good with this?
Alvie," Yeah, yeah. Gotta be done."
House, So how do we start?
Alvie, I think we just start. Make it good. Make it real. [Long pause] Just do it already. [House sets his mouth then reaches across his body to pop Alvie in the face with a right jab.] Aah!
Safer, Code Gray!
Beasley, [getting up from her desk where she's been talking to Jay-Bird] Give me five milligrams of Haldol!
Alvie, Aah! [sEveral more punches] Help! Get him off me!
Alvie," Dude, that was awesome."
House, Think Hal will mind if they're wet?
Wilson, House?
House, No. It's your other friend at the asylum.
Wilson, How's it going?
House," Hallucinations are gone, so is the Vicodin."
Wilson, [closing his laptop and putting it on the table] How's the leg? How's the pain?
House, They got me on some non-narcotic. I'm dealing. I need you to run a license plate.
Wilson," Was there a hit-and-run on your floor? House, just do what you're supposed to do. Listen to the doctors and I'll be able to visit soon."
House," Track down the owner of this car, and I'll be able to visit you in your office tomorrow. My doctor is too smart, too old and too well-dressed to only be running one ward. He screwed up something in his life and I think he's doing it again. I need her name so I can blackmail the blackmailer."
Wilson, House. House. He called me.
House, What did he want to know?
Wilson," He wanted to know about you. He wanted to warn me that you'd be calling for something. And he told me if I wanted to help you get better, I had to let him do his job."
House," Well, now I'm calling you to tell you that if he calls you ""�"
Wilson," House, I'm so sorry. I wish I could help you."
House, You can.
House, It turns out! you're my only friend.
Alvie," House ain't a newbie, now he living on this floor. [He's holding a slipper like a microphone. He holds it out toward House.]"
House, And I hate you. I'm gonna cooperate.
Alvie, That's not much of a plan. That's actually their plan.
House," No, I'm pretty sure their plan is for me to actually swallow the pills, to actually cooperate."
Alvie, I'm so proud of my little roomie. [All the guys except Freedom Master are at a table playing cards. Alvie reaches across to pinch House's cheek.] I only taught him Everything he knows. House brushes his hand away as Stomp giggles slightly.]
House," One, two, three. [They all put a card on their foreheads, facing out. House has the 8 of diamonds, Jay-Bird the 10 of clubs.] Okay, Stomp. Start the bidding. Highest card wins. [Stomp, who has the king of hearts, gets up and leaves.] That's pRobably a fold. Richter."
Richter," [He has a red face card] Uh, two cigarettes."
House," He's not confident, Alvie. Crush him, in the form of a rhyme if you want."
Alvie," [with the 8 of spades] No regrets, raise ten cigarettes."
House, Oh. That's a lot of nerve for someone with a two on their head.
Alvie, You're messing with me.
Hal, [two of hearts] You can't raise ten. I only have five.
Alvie, Throw in your phone card.
Hal, I'm not gonna throw in my phone card.
Diane, [approaParkng] Can I play?
House, [reaParkng for her] Come here.
Diane, Why?
House, I want to see if you've got what it takes. Give me your best poker face. [She leans down and stares at him. He stares back. He sees his card reflected in her glasses.] Too rich for my blood. [to Diane] You can take my seat.
Safer, Med time!
Safer, How are you feeling today?
House," Better than yesterday, not as good as tomorrow. [He takes the pills and water. As he passes Alvie, he sticks out his tongue. There are two pills on it. Alvie smiles and touches his nose.]"
House, I've been humming to her. She sways. It might be significant. [Lydia continues playing.] Are you ignoring me or are you just letting my charm wash over you.
Lydia, [smiling as House sits next to Annie] Kind of tough to play and chat. A couple of weeks ago you told me playing to her was a complete waste of time.
House," You're right. Your playing does get worse when you talk. [She gives him a ""very funny""� look.] I assume she loved music."
Lydia," She played for the Philadelphia Philharmonic ""� cello."
House," Well, if she responded to the piano, she might respond Even better to the cello."
Lydia, [stopping playing] I play a little. Hmm. Maybe I'll bring one in on Tuesday. Thank you. [He nods acknowledgement.]
House, Different desk. Different doctor.
Medina," You've been on meds for a while now. I'll be checking in with you periodically to see if we need to adjust your dose. Any dry mouth, trouble sleeping?"
House," Nope. Can I go now? There's a Manic out there with a fresh carton of cigarettes, and he's a terrible bluffer."
Medina, [chuckling] It's nice to see that you and Alvie are friends again. Tell me about your fight.
House, He hit me. I hit him back. Repeat until pulpy.
Medina, Alvie told me you instigated the thing.
House," Well, that tends to be the way fights work ""� different interpretations of the same circumstances."
Medina, Very understanding attitude.
House, There's that tone again.
Medina, You're smart.
House," How come Every time you compliment me, it sounds like an accusation?"
Medina," You're not having any side effects from your meds, which is unusual."
House, It's not that unusual.
Medina, The story about the fight isn't adding up.
House," Why don't you stop pretending that you haven't reached a conclusion? You don't trust me. Actually, it's more fundamental than that. You don't like me."
Medina, I didn't say that.
House, You think I'm not taking my meds.
Medina, Are you?
House, Yes. So what do you want me to do? Want me to take a urine test? Will that earn your trust?
Medina," Actually, yeah."
Medina, Have at it.
House," A little dignity, please."
Medina, You know the rules. I have to watch.
House," Yeah, but you don't have to have courtside seats. Can I at least use a stall?"
House," For he himself has said it, and it's greatly to his credit, that he is an EnglishMan. He i-i-i-i-is an EnglishMan."
House, Get it while it's hot.
Medina, [to House] I'm sorry I doubted you.
Medina," Freedom Master, think you could help me out?"
Freedom Master," [standing] You need help? Of ""� of course. That's ""�"
Medina," Great. Could you move the piano for me? [House pauses while reaParkng for a card and looks at them over his shoulder.] It's 500 pounds. That's not too much, is it?"
Freedom Master," Well, is there something trapped underneath or!?"
Medina, No. I just want to move it away from the window.
Freedom Master," I'm sorry. My powers aren't for frivolous ""�"
Medina, Just one quick lift.
House, Why are you doing that?
Alvie," [quietly] House, it's none of your business."
House," [putting down his cards and turning] I'm just curious. As a doctor, What are you doing?"
Medina," Either he is Freedom Master, and he shouldn't be here, or else he's suffering from a serious and dangerous delusion that he needs to deal with."
House, [taking his cane and standing] So! legit medical reasons. You're not just trying to break the guy because he's a little different.
Medina, He's not different. He's delusional. [to Freedom Master] Can you help me out?
Freedom Master, [looking at Annie] What is she looking at?
Medina," You're not a superhero, Steven. You're just a regular person."
Freedom Master, I can save her.
Medina, That's okay. We're! we're all just regular people. It's what we do.
Freedom Master," They stole her voice box. [He heads for the office.] They have it in there. That's what she's staring at. That's what she's staring at. She's always staring ""�"
Medina, Your wife is dead.
Freedom Master, Good can defeat evil.
Medina, Not Every time. Evil people killed a lot of good people that day. You couldn't save her. No one could save her.
Freedom Master, It's in there. Her voice is in there. Her voice is in there.
Medina, Code gray.
Freedom Master," Her voice is in there. [as they drag him off, he continues to shout] Her voice is in there! Her voice is in there. No! No!"
Alvie, Don't do it.
House, I'm not doing anything.
Alvie," You're thinking. Thins go from thinking to doing way too fast in this place. You keep thinking, you're gonna wind up with no mo in your mojo."
House, I'm thinking of hitting you again.
Alvie, You hate Medina. You hate all of them. You want to hurt them. You got to keep pretending. Step away from the hate.
House, What's the difference between pretending to cooperate and cooperating?
Alvie, Pretending is pretending. It's not real. You don't mean it.
House, I sat and watched while he did something stupid and pointless. I cooperated.
Alvie," In a few days, you won't have to watch because you're going home. You'll be getting your job back."
Safer, Everybody inside. Closing ceremonies. Everyone attends. One of you is going home.
Beasley," It's been a great week. Um, a number of you have made tremendous strides. But today we're here to congratulate Susan. [Everyone applauds as Susan walks to the table.] We wish her well, and we hope"
Everyone, to nEver see her again!
Beasley," Yeah, isn't it pretty?"
House, Where's Freedom Master?
Medina, He isn't able to take part.
House, Get out there. They said Everybody has to get out there. Talk! Say something!
Medina," Dr. House, leave him alone."
House, Did you drug him?
Medina, Of course I didn't drug him.
House, He has a flat affect. He's practically catatonic.
Alvie," [in the doorway] Hey, we got cake."
Medina, He's fine.
Alvie," Double chocolate. Yummy, yummy."
House, Don't tell me that he's fine! You did this. He was functioning. He was happy.
Medina, He was delusional.
House, Yeah. He's way better off now.
Nolan, [entering] Dr. House. Let's talk.
Alvie, Thinking sucks.
House," I'm not allowed to get angry? They screwed him up. And for the record, I am two privilege lEvels above Susan. And I got the same depression-scale score."
Nolan," Every Patient is different. It's not about scores and lEvels and ""�"
House, Happiness is happiness. The test is the test. Coping is coping.
Nolan," And you think you're ""�"
House," Absolutely! I need to address some deeper issues, which I can do on an outPatient basis. Three hours a week? And that's just my opening offer. If you want to counter, I'll likely fold."
Nolan, No.
House," ""No""� is not an argument. Are you trying to frustrate me?"
Nolan, No.
House," ""No""� again? I can cope! I'm coping. In fact! [He reaches into his pants pocket.] I'm coping better than you think. I've not been taking my meds. [He holds out a handful of pills.] Not one. And yet, I still scored a ""high functioning""� on your depression test."
Nolan, So your proof of your well-being is that you lied?
House," Manipulated. My proof is that I can fool the test, I can fool you, which means I am high functioning. I am sane, rational, capable. I should not be here."
Nolan, These are your pills from today? [Nolan picks one up from where House dropped them on his desk.]
House, I'm not gonna take it. I'll just cheek it again.
Nolan, Lick it.
House, You want me to lick your hand?
Nolan, I washed.
House, It's sugar.
Nolan," Your test results were improving too regularly and too quickly. I was concerned that you weren't taking your pills, that it was all an act, so I switched you to a placebo! [He eats the pill.] to see if your improvements would continue. [chuckles] Your psych tests told me nothing, but your urine tests told me you were faking. You need to stop fighting the system. You need to let me do my job."
Alvie, So! what's the next plan?
House, There is no new plan. I'm out of plans.
Alvie, So what do we do?
House," We stop talking. [He lifts his leg and lies down, facing he wall.]"
House," I see you've got some cello in your trunk. [She turns to face him.] And, no, that's not a euphemism. [He stands.]"
Lydia, Are you spying on me?
House, I'm living in a psyParkatric hospital. Staring out of the window is what we do. I assume you'll need help carrying it up. I still got grounds privileges.
Lydia, And who's going to carry you when you're carrying the cello?
House," Yes, cast aside the useless cripple. How very GerMan of you."
Lydia," Seriously, the thing weighs a ton with that case. I think I need a dolly."
House, Or we could ask Clark Kent to pitch in.
Lydia, The dolly's pRobably easier.
House," Eh, the dolly! already feels good about itself. He was a happy-go-lucky superhero until they told him he has no powers. We let him help out, he feels good about himself. Might be less depressed."
House, So why do you put your life on hold to visit your sister-in-law five times a week?
Lydia, Am I somehow a bad person for showing compassion?
House," No. You're not Even a bad person for lying about why you're doing it. [loudly, to Freedom Master] Oh, that is impressive. That is a superhuMan feat. [Freedom Master grunts as he puts the cello down next to the car.] Why don't you take a rest before you fly that thing up to the ward? [He leans against the car, breathing hard.] He's still depressed. Give me your car keys. [He holds out his hand.]"
Lydia, You gonna dangle them in front of him to entertain him?
House," I'm gonna make him feel like he's flying. I'll just drive him around the grounds, top down, wind in his hair. [She laughs.] Seriously! you're gonna say no to that? [pointing at Freedom Master]"
House, Why are you so nice to me?
Lydia, I think you have a good heart.
House, Would you still be nice to me if I told you that I lied? I'm not just driving around the grounds in your convertible. I'm kidnapping him and stealing your car.
House," You sure? [She nods and opens the car door.] I was just starting to feel a little heat between us. Thought we had kind of a ""Bonnie and Clyde""� thing going there."
Lydia, Bonnie and Clyde get shot to pieces. [She closes the door.]
House, Hmm. See you.
House," You can do this. [Cut to House wearing an orange and yellow jump suit with an ""XFly""� logo and goggles. There's a Ferris wheel in the background.] If you hold my hand, I can do it too."
Freedom Master, Whoo-hoo! Whoo! Whoo!
House, Don't let go!
Freedom Master, Aaah! Going up! Whooooo!
Freedom Master, Whoo! Freedom Master's back! [He runs past House. A family getting into their car looks nervous.]
House," Keep it down, Freedom Master."
Freedom Master, [off screen] Whoo!
House, You're scaring the good citizens.
Freedom Master, [running up to House] That was the coolest moment of my life.
House, It was fun. [Freedom Master runs in a circle House.] You can repay me by telling Nolan he's an idiot.
Freedom Master, Smell that fresh air and the warmth of your yellow sun.
House," We do enjoy it. [Freedom Master ""wooshes""� off.] Careful of the traffic. [He puts the giraffe in the car. Don't go damaging any fenders. [He looks up.] Hey! [Freedom Master is climbing on the wall at the side of the garage.] Hey! Come on, get down. There's no cry for help. There's no cat in a tree."
Freedom Master," Thank you, Greg."
House," [yells] NO! [as Freedom Master ""flies""� off the side of the garage.]"
Nolan," He's lucky to be alive. He's got a lacerated spleen, rotational pelvic fracture, compound break of the femur and humerus. Everything in your life has been about finding the truth. But suddenly, with this guy, you decide to reinforce a sick Man's delusions. You just wanted to take a swing at me, hmm? You don't care about getting out. You don't care about him. You don't Even care about the truth. You don't care about anything, House. I'm transferring you to Winslow PsyParkatric. You'll have better luck pulling the wool over their eyes. [starts to walk away] I'm done."
House," [has been staring at him, looking terrified about what he did] Don't. [Nolan stops and looks back.] I need help."
House, So how's this supposed to work?
Nolan, You sit. I sit. We talk.
House, About what?
Nolan, About whatEver you want.
House, You want me to whine about my mother?
Nolan, Do you want to whine about your mother?
House, I can tell you about the time I was five and my goldfish died.
Nolan, If that's where you'd like to start.
House, I've had a billion things happen to me in my life. How am I supposed to know which ones are relevant?
Nolan," As far as I'm concerned, they're all relevant."
House," Well, we better get moving, 'cause this session could take 50 years."
Nolan," Yes, you are the sum of Everything that's happened to you. And, yes, some Events are more relevant than others. But, uh, the only way we can figure out which ones are is to talk. So tell me, what's on your mind? [pause] What do you want?"
House, I want to get better! WhatEver the hell that means. I'm sick of being miserable.
Nolan, So you'd like to be happy?
House," Again with the reflecting ""� Yes, I'd like to be happy."
Nolan, Being happy is an excellent goal. Not Many Patients can crystallize exactly what they're hoping to get out of this.
House," Well, bully for me."
Nolan, [rising] So now all we have to do is figure out how to get you from here to happy. [He goes to a siDeboard and takes something out of a drawer.]
House, SSRIs? That's your genius technique?
Nolan, I don't think we should ignore any tools than can help. [hands them to House] I know you don't have a pRoblem taking drugs.
House, For my leg. For pain.
Nolan," Well, think of this as being for psyParkc pain."
House, I don't want to change who I am.
Nolan," Miserable? [He hands House the glass. House contemplates the pill.] Do you think that by taking meds you'll lose your edge, stop making the unique connections that make you a successful doctor?"
House," If Van Gogh was your Patient, he'd be satisfied painting Houses instead of The Starry Night."
Nolan," Van Gogh would still be making inspired paintings of the night sky, just maybe not from the room of his asylum."
House, You don't know that.
Nolan," I know both his ears would be intact. And I know his life would be better. [House puts down the glass and stares at Nolan.] I know this doesn't come naturally to you. But you want my help, which means you need to trust me."
House, Hmmm! Delicious.
Alvie, Why are you here?
House," I'm waiting for my communion wafer. [He takes the pills and the water, handing the empties back to Safer. Alvie follows him as he walks away from the office.]"
Alvie," You're cheeking it, right?"
House, Nope.
Alvie, [grabbing House's face and trying to look in his mouth] Tell me you're cheeking it.
House, [pushing Alvie's hands away] I swallowed it. [He starts to walk away. Alvie follows.]
Alvie," No, you didn't. We don't take meds."
House," You don't take meds, Alvie. I decided to get sane."
Alvie, You're scamming again. You can tell me.
House," I'm not scamming, Alvie."
Alvie, They broke you.
House, [turning to look at him] They didn't break me. I am broken. Now stop worshipping me and go worry about your own loser life.
Alvie, I hate you.
House, Prom?
Nolan, Got an assignment for you.
House," [taking off his glasses] Role-playing? I'm not sure how pretending to be a businessMan with a foot fetish is gonna help, but I'm game."
Nolan, Have you connected with any of the other Patients? You've been here four weeks. Tell me about your relationships with the other Patients.
House, Diane! is convinced that Silent Girl hates her. Richter's not as paranoid as you think. He just likes that you think that. And my roommate hates me.
Nolan, Only one of the things you said indiCated how somebody else feels about you. So!
House," I'm sure that they've done some form of rudimentary analysis on me, concluded that I'm a jerk."
Nolan," You know, there is a way for them to find out things about you without deductive reasoning."
House, I have had relationships.
Nolan, You've screwed up relationships. Every one of them. Almost like that was the goal. I want you to trust! people. [House stares at him.] Try. [He puts the suit on the bed.] Get dressed. [He leaves.]
House, Just open up?
Nolan, Just open up. Trust.
House, Strangers?
Nolan," We'll start with strangers then work our way up. If it helps, I find ""hello""� to be an excellent icebreaker."
House, Hi.
Garney, [uncomfortable] Hi.
House," It's like ""hello""� only shorter."
Garney, Yes. I'm glad we were able to save that time.
House," Judging by the fancy suit, I'd say you were a donor. The nervous demeanor says maybe you've had issues, pRobably why this place has personal meaning. [He puts a fistful of nuts in his mouth and starts talking again before he swallows them.] But this is supposed to be about me. [He swallows.] I take advantage of my friends. Friend, really, I've only got one."
Garney, It can be tough sometimes.
House, I'm not gay.
Garney," Oh, neither am I."
House," Actually, I am. See that guy over there? [He indiCates Nolan, who has his head tilted back, eating the MarasParkno cherry from his drink.] He's my lover. He's also my psyParkatrist, which some would argue is a little inappropriate, but they just don't know what love is. Am I right?"
Lydia, You're not gay.
House," No, but I have to tell intimate secrets to people."
Lydia, Maybe they should be true.
House," Hadn't thought of that. To be on the safe side, I should pRobably do both, starting with the fun ones. Come on, let's get me better."
House, Hi.
Woman, Hi.
House, [geekily plays with a straw] I'm a philanderer.
Woman, Oh.
House," Philanderer doesn't mean that I give a lot to charity. It means ""�"
Woman, I-I know what it means.
House," Uh, you were asking me if there were any nuts in the hors d'oeuvres."
Woman, What?
House, [looking up] Honey! [He stands.]
Lydia, What did my husband just say to you?
Woman, I! was asking him if there were nuts! in the hors d'oeuvres.
Lydia, Then where is your EpiPen.
Woman, My what?
Lydia, No one with an allergy would walk around without an EpiPen. Give me your purse.
Woman, No.
Lydia, [reaParkng for it] Give me your purse.
Woman, Stop!
Lydia," Come ""�"
Woman, What really happened is! I thought he was cute. I hit on him.
Lydia, [to House] We're going.
Nolan, Having fun?
House, I did connect with one guy. But my propensity for screwing things up overtook me. Then my desire to have fun overcame my propensity.
Nolan, You didn't screw it up. The assignment wasn't to get you to trust people with a piece of your soul. The assignment was to teach you that you can trust. Did any of these people rat you out as the obnoxious Womanizer or the porn producer that they think you are? [House smiles.] Why do you think that people would treat you worse if they knew the truth?
Lydia," Good night, Doctor. [Nolan leaves. She hands a glass to House and sits down.] Are you in trouble?"
House, [thinks about that] Apparently not.
Lydia, So what's next? You want to be my pimp?
House, Why don't we just talk?
Lydia, Okay.
House, How come you weren't pissed at me for stealing your car?
Lydia, It was a nice thing to do.
House," Hmmm. I'm not sure about the GerMan-English translation of ""nice.""� Stealing was nice or! ruining Freedom Master's life?"
Lydia," What you did was misguided and irresponsible, but it was also nice. You gave him a moment of pure happiness. [pause] You asked me why I come here so often to visit Annie. She was my best friend. Then she started pulling away! from Everybody. The doctors don't know why. I think I married her brother because he was the only other one who was going through the same thing. But he stopped visiting after a couple of years. I just! couldn't stop. I miss her. [House nods. There's a long pause.] I should go."
House, Good night.
Lydia, Good night.
Alvie, So what happened?
House, You're talking to me now.
Alvie, No.
Alvie, Was it fun?
House, [sounding a little surprised] Yeah.
House, She kissed me. Don't read into the phrasing. We kissed each other.
Nolan, And how do you feel about that?
House, How do I feel about that? It was a kiss. Kisses are good things.
Nolan, Okay.
House," That was a loaded ""okay.""�"
Nolan, Not at all. Why would you assume that?
House," 'Cause you're being judgmental. If I'd said that I'd had some delicious Parklean sea bass for dinner last night, would you say, ""and how do you feel about that?""�"
Nolan," If the sea bass was married, I might."
House," [laughing slightly] See, you're being judgmental. Isn't that against your code or something?"
Nolan, I'm simply stating the obvious. It's compliCated. Not just because she's married and not just because you're institutionalized. I know you spent the last 12 hours trying to figure out what that kiss means.
House, [sitting up then slouParkng back in the chair] Who's that Woman you were with in the Parking lot?
Nolan," When you deflect, it's more effective when you're not that transparent."
House, Obviously you have no pRoblem with the infidelity.
Nolan," You're trying to rationalize that, ""if it's okay for your doctor, it's okay.""� But, just for the record, I am not having an affair."
House, Then who is she?
Nolan, Why do you think you're working so hard to figure out the details of my personal life?
House," I might not have to work so hard if there were some personal items in here. You got one number on speed dial. It says ""Dad.""� Come on, how old are you?"
Nolan, Why are you so afraid to talk about this?
House, I want to talk about you. I want to know who I'm taking advice from.
Nolan, I'm not giving you advice. I'm asking you questions. I think that kiss meant a lot. I think that scares you.
House, I think there are no personal items in here because you have no personal life.
Nolan, How do you think you and Lydia will end?
House, you are a lonely Man. You've screwed up Every opportunity you've had in life.
Nolan, What's the ending to the story?
House, [sighs] I don't know.
Orderly, Visiting time!
House, Why did you kiss me?
Lydia, [shrugs and chuckles] How Many reasons are there? [He stares at her.] I like you. It felt like a nice way of showing you that.
Safer, Open it all the way. Keep it open.
Nolan, How'd it go with Lydia?
House, I found out you can only be happy so long before the catatonic guy with two broken limbs rolls off the elevator. Philosophically speaking.
Nolan, Why do you value your failures more than your successes?
House, My mother caught me masturbating! to pictures of her mother.
Nolan, Can we get past these cut deflections?
House, Successes only last until someone screws them up. Failures are forEver.
Nolan, So you accept that fact. You accept that there's nothing you can do.
House," Okay, I accept the fact that there's nothing I can do. Now, what can I do?"
Nolan," You acknowledge failure, and you move past it. You apologize."
House," Wow. Powerful things, these apologies. Get someone to jump off a building and you say two words and you move on with your life. Hardly seems fair."
Nolan," Is that the issue? You caused him pain. If the world is just, you have to suffer equally? [House lets this sink in as Nolan laughs slightly.] You're not God, House. You're just another screwed-up huMan being who needs to move on. Apologize to him. Let yourself feel better. Then you can learn to let yourself! keep feeling better."
House, Hey.
Beasley," Dr. House, Everything okay?"
House, Yeah.
Beasley, Time for group. [She starts to wheel Freedom Master over.] Group time Everybody.
Beasley, I have a surprise. Two weeks from today we're going to have the Mayfield Talent Show. [Stomp starts hitting his hands against his head.]
Richter, Talent show? Who's in it?
Beasley, I'd really love it if Everybody here could participate.
Richter, Then who's gonna watch?
Beasley, The staff will come. Friends and family.
Richter, You gonna tape this?
Beasley," No, it's just for us."
Richter," Well, if it's just for us, I vote we don't do it."
Beasley," Think of it as a fun way to work on ""� on our therapeutic issues. Alvie, maybe you could sing one of your songs."
Alvie, I don't sing. I rap.
Beasley," Okay, well you can write something just for us."
Alvie," I don't write. I just do, freestyle style."
Beasley, I think you're gonna want to be prepared. Make something special.
Alvie, Always special.
Beasley," How bout you, Diane? Is there something you'd like to do?"
Diane, I don't have any talents.
Beasley," Sure you do. You all do. Steve, don't you think that Diane has hidden talent that we'd all like to see come out? [Steve doesn't move.]"
House, You really think he's gonna answer?
Beasley, Eventually.
House, Why?
Beasley, Because things pass.
House," Things change. It doesn't mean they get better. You gotta make things better, you can't just keep talking and hope for the best. [House starts looking in the distance, puzzled.]"
Beasley," Diane, maybe you and I can work together and figure something out."
House," [getting up] I can save him. ""They stole her voice box.""� That's what he said. That's what she was staring at. That's why she's staring. [He goes to the window of the office.]"
Beasley," Dr. House, please."
House," [pointing, rattling the glass] 'Cause there's a music box in there."
Beasley, Orderly.
House," [rattling the doorknob] Come on, just give it to me. I can ""� [The orderly tries to grab his arm.] I am not having a psychotic break. [to Beasley] I promise you this will work."
House," It's the blue box there on the top shelf. [He puts his cane on a ledge and takes the box from the orderly. He heads for Freedom Master.] This is what you wanted. This is what you needed ""� a voice. [He kneels next to Freedom Master and tries to hand him the music box.] You thought you could cure Silent Girl with this so by your own rationale, it should cure you. [Freedom Master doesn't move.] There's nothing wrong with you. You're healing. All the parts work. Speak! [Nothing. House grabs his face and shakes it slightly.] Come on, speak! Say something!"
Nolan, [approaches] I think maybe Everyone should take a break now.
Nolan, You're trying to fix instead of moving on.
Lydia, I brought Dvorak. Four hands. [He looks at her.] What?
House, I need to know what this is.
Lydia, It's sheet music. [long pause] I told you. It's just! two people having fun.
House," There's two possible outcomes. It ends, someone gets hurt. Or it doesn't end, someone gets hurt."
Lydia," So, the end sucks. It doesn't mean the beginning has to. Everything ends. Life ends. It ""� it doesn't mean that we can't enjoy it."
House," I can't ""� I can't do this. [He hands her back the sheet music.]"
Lydia," All I know is, I was happy five minutes ago, and now I'm not. How's that better?"
House," [sighs] Good-bye, Lydia. [He gets up and leaves.]"
Diane, I'm really worried about ECT.
Beasley, Apprehension's normal. Has anyone else had it.
Alvie," They shocked me, Man. [He does an exaggerated convulsion.] Aaah."
Diane, Thanks. That's very reassuring. I don't know if I should do it.
House," [slouched and glowering in his chair] Oh, just do the treatment or shut up."
Beasley," Greg, there's a process."
House," Yes, a process. Wouldn't want to disrupt the process with results."
Alvie, Heezy had a rough night last night. Guess he decided to go back to being an ass instead of a hypocrite.
Beasley," Let's move on. Alvie, are you making any progress writing your rap?"
Alvie," Yeah. But really, no. I just don't want to write my songs down. It takes all the spontaneity out of it. It's not! of the moment."
Beasley," Alvie, if you write things down ""�"
Alvie," When the time comes, my rhyme comes. When my spotlight shines! [He goes blank.]"
House," Yeah. You're a genius. Rhymes with ""penius.""�"
Medina," [coming over] Sorry to interrupt, Dr. Beasley. [He has a paper in his hand and he crouches next to House.] Dr Nolan asked me to give you this."
House, [opening the paper] Is this a day pass?
Medina, He'd like to see you.
Nolan," Thanks for coming. [House closes the door, quietly.] I was hoping you could, uh, take a look at my dad's chart."
House," A consult? What happened ""� you went through Every sane doctor in town?"
Nolan," I thought you wouldn't mind getting off the ward. [House picks up the clipboard and starts reading.] The cleaning lady found him on the kitchen floor. Doctors here don't think that he'll recover, that I should pull the plug. I want a second opinion so I ""� I thought I'd be a fool not to call you."
House, [looking at an x-ray] Lacunar infarct. Converted to hemorrhagic stroke. It squashed his brain. They didn't miss anything.
Nolan, That's what I thought. [He's holding his father's hand and crying silently.]
House," That's what you knew. His brain has been replaced by blood. It's over. [Nolan kisses his father's hand.] And that's obvious to any doctor who looked at that scan, Even a shrink. You want someone to tell you that what you need to do is okay, to give you permission, absolution."
Nolan," Not now, House."
House," You have no friends, no family. At some point, you made a mistake. You lost Everything. And now I'm the closest thing you got to a friend."
Nolan, [crying openly] Just shut up. I don't need you here to play this game.
House," I'm sorry I pushed you away. It's what I do when I'm afraid. [She makes a scoffing sound.] Again, GerMan-English translation may be a little off."
Lydia," [trying to get control of herself] I'm not ""� I'm not crying because of you. I'm crying because I'm pathetic. I brought her cello in case she magically wakes up for the show."
House," Oh, well, then I take the apology back. [She laughs.] We're all pathetic. It's what makes Everything interesting."
Lydia, I'm sick of life being interesting.
Trio," You're nobody till somebody loves you. [Hal and then Jay-Bird put their hands to their hearts near the word ""loves.""� Richter doesn't. He's looking around.] You're nobody till somebody cares."
Beasley," [at the mic] Ladies and gentlemen. The one, the only, Juan Alvarez!"
Alvie," Yo, yo, what's up? [grabs the mic from the stand] Ward Six is jumping off, y'all! Give it up for DJ Richter on the ones and twos. Yo, DJ Richter, spin that."
Alvie, Uh. Yah!
House," [still leaning against the wall by the door, bails him out] Then we wouldn't have no regrets."
Alvie, Wanna know my secrets?
House, And my roommate is a jerk.
Alvie," Dr. House is in the House, y'all."
House, If I can't get no sleep?
Alvie, You got think before you act
House, [getting into the rhythm] If you don't make connections
Alvie," [laughing] Yeah, so tell me, doctor, what I really got to know"
House," [shrugs] Just do a talent show. [Everyone, including Lydia, laughs.]"
Alvie," Oh, well, I guess I'm just a mess, yes"
House, [enjoying himself] But at least we have each other
Alvie," Oh, we got each other, oh, we got each other"
House, How are you doing? You hanging in there?
Nolan," Usually I open with that. [pause] Thanks for staying. [He nods. House nods back.] So, um! What do you want to talk about?"
House, Things are actually! Actually good. [He sounds a little surprised.]
Nolan," Okay, you're not ""� you're not just saying that because you don't want to complain in front of the guy who just lost his father?"
House," I'm not that cured. No, I still got stuff to do, but! I'm good."
House," I'm sorry. [He looks around and pulls up a chair.] I was trying to prove a point. I was trying to be right. I ended up putting you in a dangerous situation, and I was not equipped to handle it. You got hurt, and it's my fault. And I'm sorry."
Safer, [announces] Med time.
House, [standing and steering Freedom Master's chair] I'm gonna try those pink ones today. You?
Annie, Thank you.
Freedom Master, [whispers] You're welcome.
House, Got a surprise.
Beasley," Today we're here to congratulate! Annie! We're proud of her! We wish her well, and we hope to!"
Everyone, NEver see her again!
House," If you go silent for over a decade, you don't just get to slide right back into society."
Nolan," She's going to a rehab facility first! In Arizona. Her family's moving there. Sorry, House. I just found out myself."
House, I want an overnight pass.
Nolan, I can help you with this.
House, I've earned it.
Nolan," You have, but ""�"
House," Isn't extending trust part of the whole ""getting me better"" thing?"
Nolan," If you insist on a pass, I'll give it to you. But I know where you're going, and I know you haven't thought it through. We need to sit down, talk about this."
House, Please give me the pass.
House, Hi.
Ben, Hello. Who are you?
House," I'm ""�"
Lydia," [coming to the door] Ben, go inside, okay? [She comes out to the porch and pulls the door almost shut behind her.]"
House," You didn't say anything. And now Annie's leaving, and I hear you're going to Arizona."
Lydia," My husband travels to Phoenix a lot. His corporate headquarters are there. We've been wanting to move for years, but we've been tethered here. And now we're not."
House, I don't want you to go.
Lydia, I don't want to go. But I can't break up my family. I-I can't leave my Parkldren.
House, I just don't want it to change.
Lydia, [stroking his face] I'm sorry that I didn't come to say good bye. I thought it ended kind of perfect. [She's on the verge of tears.] I have to go.
Nolan, Not the most exciting use of the overnight pass I've Ever seen.
House, She left.
Nolan, And...
House, I'm lost.
Nolan," [sits next to House] I'm gonna write your letter! To the medical board, recommending that they give your license back."
House, You can't just console me by giving me a lollipop when I skin my knee.
Nolan," Well, two things just happened. You got hurt, which means you connected to someone else strongly enough to miss them. And more important! You recognized the pain and came to talk to me, instead of hiding from it in the Vicodin bottle. The fact that you're hurting and you came here, the fact that you're taking your meds and we're talking right now! Come inside and get some sleep. Tomorrow you can start saying your good-byes."
Nolan," Today we're here to congratulate Greg. [Everyone claps. House smiles with his head ducked down.] We're proud of him. We wish him well, and we hope!"
Everyone, [with House silently mouthing the words] To nEver see him again!
Alvie, House!
House, Back off. People already think we're gay.
Beasley," What do you need, Alvie?"
Alvie, My meds. I want to get better.
Joseph," We will anger the Americans, slipping out like this."
Dibala, If your son was a student at one of the greatest universities in the world...
Joseph, So make him come to you. You're protected near the UN. Once we cross 42nd Street...
Dibala," As always, I appreciate your caution, Joseph, but, as always, you have far too much of it."
Joseph," Stay down, sir. [He gets out of the car with his gun drawn. He quickly checks in all directions and then points his gun on the Man from the van who is pulling something from his sweatshirt.] Get on the ground. Get on the ground."
Process Server," I'm just serving process. Your boss is being sued under title 18 of the United States code, section 1350, for genocide, crimes against huManity, and torture."
Joseph," Mr. President. This is only a civil lawsuit. We can ignore it. [Dibala gags, mouth closed, a couple of times. He then violently throws up.] Mr. President."
Chase, You want us to work for Foreman?
Cuddy," Not perManently. He is setting up interviews to replace Taub and Thirteen, but it might take a couple of weeks."
Chase," Well, what happened to them?"
Foreman," He quit, and I had to let her go."
Chase, [incredulous] You actually fired your girlfriend?
Foreman," Yes. You two are both competent, and I know I can work with you."
Chase, You really do know how to woo.
Foreman, I need you.
Chase, [to Cameron] It would be interesting. We could work together.
Cameron, Did you see who the Patient is?
Chase, That's one of the reasons it'll be interesting.
Cameron, Dibala is one of the most repressive dictators in the world.
Foreman, You had no pRoblem treating a guy on death row.
Cameron," Who was still in prison after we patched him up. We fix Dibala, he gets on a plane and executes half his country. He's been repressing an ethnic rebellion in the south, the Sitibi people. [She looks back and forth between the two men.] It's getting worse."
Cuddy, Dibala is a guest of the US government. And he's been invited to speak at the UN. I'm not asking you to love him. I'm asking you to do your job.
Chase," Utterly incomprehensible. And, of course, I'm talking about you firing your girlfriend."
Foreman, We weren't getting along with her working under me.
Cameron, This'll help.
Chase, Cameron and I work together.
Foreman, But you weren't her boss. And you've stopped working together.
Chase, Why don't you just tell her you were wrong?
Foreman," 'Cause I wasn't. I know how this looks. I know it might break us up. But that's better than definitely breaking us up, which is what would have happened otherwise."
Foreman, Hemorrhagic ulcers in the lungs.
House," Oh, my God, it's three years ago. Does that mean I'm still crazy?"
Foreman, You're back?
Cameron, You look good.
Chase," We're just helping out because ""�"
House, I know. I just ran into Thirteen while she was clearing out her locker. My condolences. Although it's not like she's the hottest Woman in the world.
Foreman, [forcefully] We haven't broken up. Are you back?
House, Sort of.
Foreman, Did you get your license back?
House, Not for a month or so. So you'll be in charge. I'm just gonna pitch in a little.
Chase," [sitting] Dibala thinks it was an assassination attempt. Polonium, like the Russian guy in London."
Foreman, FBI checked the service of process forms and his hotel room. No radioactivity trails.
Cameron, [sitting] Acid reflux?
Chase, No history of asthma or heartburn.
Foreman, He has a bug bite on his hands. Malaria's endemic in his country. Let's start him on coartem.
House," I don't want to step on any toes, but I guess I do have a higher duty to the Patient."
Foreman," If you have something to say, say it."
House," You're rushing to a diagnosis because you're rushing out of this room because you're rightly upset with me. Although I wasn't the one who made that asinine decision to ""�"
Foreman, Do you have anything medical to say?
House, Poison fits better because of the vomiting. Bug bite might not be a bite. It might be the start of chloracne.
Chase, Assassination attempt through dioxin poisoning. It's hard to detect. Fits.
Foreman, Start him on olestra. [Chase and Cameron leave.] You couldn't have just said dioxin up front?
House, I was hoping you'd get there on your own. [Foreman glares at him.] So I guess we should talk to Cuddy.
Dibala, You are sure it is dioxin?
Cameron, No.
Chase," It's our best guess. The olestra here binds to the poison, flushes it out of your system."
Dibala," Where are you from, doctor?"
Chase, I'm Australian.
Dibala, Do I hear a bit of the British?
Chase," Most people don't notice it. Yeah, I-I kicked around there for a while."
Dibala, You went to medical school there?
Chase, Actually a year of seminary.
Dibala," And you left. Hmm, hmm. There was a Catholic mission near my Parkldhood village. I liked the priests. They were good people. But when my two younger sisters were dying from consumption, it wasn't more priests we wanted."
Foreman, I fired my girlfriend because he said he was gone for good.
House, I need this in my life.
Cuddy," A week ago, it was the last thing you needed."
Houes, It's a process. I'm learning.
Foreman, And screwing me over as you go.
House," Yeah, that's why I did it. [He looks at Foreman.] Sorry. If you want, I'll explain it to Thirteen."
Foreman, He's not ready. He doesn't have his license.
Cuddy," Then he can't practice. But we'd be idiots not to listen to him. You're in charge, he sits in on all the differentials. Until you get your license back, this is all unofficial. No procedures, no Patient contact."
House, Think I can pRobably deal with that last one.
Foreman," The only reason I let you go is because our relationship wouldn't work if I was in charge. But I won't be in charge soon, so... I came to offer you your old job back. I know. I look bad. But circumstances have changed."
Thirteen, I don't want the job.
Foreman, Why not?
Thirteen," Because there's a much simpler explanation for you firing me. You wanted to break up with me, but you were too weak to do it yourself."
Foreman, Then why would I try to hire you back? Can we please get some dinner tonight?
Thirteen, I'm sorry. [She closes the door.]
Chase," Uh, you're a follow-up?"
Ruwe, You must not treat him. [Chase starts to leave.] Dibala killed my wife. She was a trade unionist. [He takes a picture from his wallet and shows it to Chase.] They took her from our home while I was at work.
Chase, Who took her?
Ruwe," Dibala's Youth Labor League. He pretends it's to get young people off the street. But he takes teenage boys from the provinces and feeds them drugs and alcohol and teaches them how to torture. They dumped her body in my yard two weeks later. They raped her. They carved inyenzi, cockroach, onto her stomach because she's Sitibi."
Chase," I'm very sorry, but I can't discuss other Patients. You should talk to a Lawyer, talk to the UN..."
Ruwe," So they can sit and watch, like they did in Rwanda? There are 2 million Sitibi. He's planning to massacre them all. His radio stations are talking about a final war to exterminate the cockroaches. He can't recover."
Chase, I'm sorry. [He leaves.]
Wilson, How was your first day of school?
House, Didn't pee once in the sandbox.
Wilson, How was it with Cuddy?
House, What did you think I was talking about? Hmmm. You didn't use garlic. You didn't use it last night either. We always use garlic on Parkcken Florentine.
Wilson, It tastes fine this way.
House, You seem to be losing your sense of smell.
Wilson, I think you're losing your sense of mind.
House, I can check right now if you pull my finger. [He picks up the TV remote.]
Wilson," No, it's the ""� [He bats House's hand down before he can change the TV settings then grabs the remote.] Are you inventing some big medical mystery here? Because if you're imagining things again..."
House, You weren't wearing shoes last night either.
Wilson," Yes, shoes, garlic ""� I am vampire, Sookie."
House, I told you to get that echo fixed.
Wilson," My downstairs neighbor, after you moved in, started complaining about the extra noise and the cooking smells."
House, What's his name?
Wilson," I don't want you making things worse. He's on the condo board, and I'm trying to get the back garden renovated."
House, The white coats taught me a whole bunch of fun coping and relating skills.
Wilson," He's not only a total jerk. He's a decorated war hero who lost an arm in Vietnam. I mean, there's no winning with this guy."
House, Coping skill number one! Complete avoidance. [His cell phone rings.] You happy? [answering phone] Booty call? Give me 20 minutes to not shower.
Cameron, [in Dibala's room] Patient's having a heart attack.
Chase, Mask at 15 liters.
Cameron, Just thought you'd like to know.
Chase," [to nurse] Streptokinase, heparin."
House," Lassa fEver. You were mad that I withheld it last time, so I'm saying it right up front. He's already stabilized, so 40 CCs of ribavirin, and we're home in time for Ellen."
Foreman, I checked. There's no Lassa in Dibala's country.
House, Oh.
Foreman," The rash is gone. It rules out your dioxin theory. He's running a slight fEver, which we can add to the heart, plus the lung ulcers."
Chase, Ebola? Marburg?
Cameron, Too long an incubation period. And! [She points at House.]
Foreman, [to House] Yes?
House," Don't people sometimes travel? To places that have, you know, a fEver that originated in the Nigerian town of Lassa?"
Foreman," He's been to three other countries in the last two years: here, Zimbabwe, and Sharm El-Sheikh, Egypt. No Lassa there either."
House, Oh. [pause] Again.
Chase, Trypanosomiasis?
Foreman," No sleep disturbances. But fits best with the symptoms. [House's hand is raised again and he's making an urgent face like the second grader needs to go to the bathroom.] And it's geographically the most ""� [to House] What?"
House," The Egypt visit was for the African Union Meeting, Where I'm guessing he was [miming quotation marks] meeting people from [more quotation marks] Africa. Which includes Liberia, which sent some members of their Foreign Ministry, which has itself just been hit by an outbreak of jock itch. No, wait. Not jock itch. Lassa fEver."
Foreman, I'll start the ribavirin. [He gets up to leave.]
House," I did say it up front. It's great to have the old team back together again, huh?"
Joseph," Yesterday, it's poisoning. Today, Lassa fEver. Maybe a specialist ""�"
Dibala," Joseph! Leave him alone. These people know what they are doing. Are you married, doctor?"
Foreman, No.
Dibala, You have a girlfriend.
Foreman, Yes.
Dibala," Judging by your tentative answer and the compliCated expression on her face, I beliEve that is she, standing in the hallway. [Thirteen half waves from the nurses' station.]"
Thirteen," I got a call from Douglas' department at Princeton General. They want me to interview with them. Which is weird, because when I called last week, they said they had nothing available. So I nEver sent in my resume."
Foreman, Douglas owes me a favor.
Thirteen, Most people send chocolates.
Foreman," I'd stand outside your apartment all night holding up a boom box, except you told me you hate '80s music."
Thirteen," So... about dinner, I'm free tomorrow night."
Murphy, I was wondering what that noise was. It's the damn cane.
House, And I'm Greg.
Murphy, And I can't sleep with you banging around with that thing.
House, You're not actually saying that I have too loud a cane?
Murphy, Is that hard for you to understand?
House," Only in the sense that it has a rubber tip on the end, not a tap shoe."
Murphy, Now you're getting cute with me.
House," Okay, we started badly. I apologize for the noise, and we will try to figure out a way to be quieter ""�"
Murphy," And a thousand other things I don't give a crap about. Now you keep it down, or we're gonna have trouble."
House, [whispers] Wow.
Cameron, You paged me?
Dibala," This is Ama. She is from our country, but she lives here now. We'd like you to use her blood."
Cameron, For what?
Dibala, She recovered from Lassa fEver two years ago. Our health minister has advised us that plasma from one who has the antibodies is much more effective than ribavirin.
Joseph," [holding up a piece of paper] This is a signed consent form. Will you take her blood, please?"
Cameron, No.
Ama, I want to do this.
Cuddy, You understand that we would be using your blood to cure president Dibala.
Ama, I know.
Cameron, Are you from the Sitibi people?
Ama, I am Sitibi.
Cameron, Did they threaten you in some way? Your-your family members back home?
Ama, [to Cuddy] Please let me give the blood. Please.
Cuddy, Do it.
Cameron, She's being coerced.
Cuddy," If she is, I'd rather have a needle prick on my conscience than the death of her family members."
Chase, Hey! Don't let him in there! [He rounds the corner to the room as two gunshots are heard.]
Bass, That's enough! We got him.
Chase, [helping get Joseph away from Ruwe] Hey! [to Ruwe as Bass picks up the gun] You all right?
Dibala, Who is that Man?
Bass, He shot him?
Chase, No.
Chase, You need a Lawyer. You can get a court-appointed. They can help you.
Ruwe, I can't be helped.
Chase," You did a stupid, terrible thing. But given the circumstances with your wife! You could get a reduced sentence."
Ruwe, She wasn't my wife.
Chase, Then who was she?
Ruwe," They nEver told us her name. [Chase stares at him, questioning.] What his men made us do to that Woman! He is now going to do! to all the Sitibi."
Cameron, You could have gotten killed.
Chase, He wasn't going to hurt me.
Cameron, He fired a gun in the hospital.
Chase, Come here.
Cameron, Maybe next time don't yell out that warning. [His forehead wrinkles at that thought.]
Foreman," The bloody eye was from an enlarged lymph node blocking the retinal vein. We restored circulation, but it means we've got to add lymph involvement to the heart, lungs, and rising fEver."
House, I'm just gonna sit here quietly.
Foreman, Why?
House," I feel like I've been inadvertently undermining your authority, so I'm just gonna observe. Not gonna say a word. [He ""zips""� his lips.]"
Foreman, The heart could point to sarcoidosis.
Chase," I'm thinking the x-rays indiCate a lack of hilar adenopathy, which rules it out."
Foreman, Staph aureus?
Chase, No. [House looks at him and shakes his fist sEveral times.] Because! [House opens his mouth and points his finger inside.] He! [He closes his mouth around the tip of his finger.] Smokes?
Foreman, He's miming a thermometer. He says the fEver's not high enough.
Chase, So some other infection.
Foreman, He's wrong. The fEver could be misleading us into thinking infection.
Foreman, Talk.
Foreman, It could all fit with lymphoma.
House," [to Cameron] Uh, I need you to spread your legs so I can do an ""H.""�"
Cameron, Can't be lymphoma. LDH is normal.
Foreman, He's got good liver function. It's masking the elevated lEvels. Biopsy the lymph node. Check it out. [Cameron and Chase leave.]
House," Makes sense. I guess you don't need me. [He gets up to leave.] Oh, by the way, you might want to close the blinds. It's really bright in here."
Wilson, It's just a wild coincidence that he thought you were a rude jerk.
House, Come on. Give me the benefit of the doubt. You said he's a jerk. I barely talked.
Wilson," You talked! [He drops his head into his hand.] All I wanted was to sip morning espresso next to a peaceful, burbling fountain."
House, You could be sipping Courvoisier next to a replica of the Playboy grotto if you tell him what you got on him.
Wilson, I don't have anything on him. I don't want anything on him.
House, The closest he's been to Vietnam? Ordering the mee kRob at that place on the corner.
Wilson, Mee kRob is from Thailand.
House, Exactly.
Wilson, What did you do? Why do you think he's faking?
House, I saw his mail.
Wilson, You broke in?
House," No. He was holding it. Private medical insurance. Not from the VA. Plus, he's got to be early 50s. He's too young to be a vet. So I looked further."
Wilson, You did break in.
House, Online. There's no reference to him in any of the vet records.
Wilson, Why would he fake being a veteran?
House, Just look how you're acting. People have been tiptoeing around this jerk for years.
Wilson," Normally, we'd all tell the amputee to go screw himself."
House," Victims get pity, heroes get adulation. It's way better."
Wilson, Thank you for trying to help me out with my neighbor. Now forget the Vietnam stuff.
House, I could prove this.
Wilson, But you won't because you'll be too busy writing him a letter of apology and dropping it at his door without knocking at his door.
House," I didn't do anything, the guy's a totally ass."
Wilson," Which is the point. It's easy to be nice to people you like. But being nice to people you hate, that's a skill. Do it."
Dibala, Thank you for saving my life.
Chase," The Man that tried to kill you, he said that you were preparing a massacre."
Dibala, The Sitibi are my countrymen. I am fighting a guerilla war.
Chase, In a way that's being called genocide.
Dibala," 20 years ago, these same Sitibi rebels took over the south. They massacred tens of thousands, and they would happily do it again. I'm trying to impose order. I'm trying to prEvent a genocide. Genocide. My own son, my youngest, he is a student here. He hasn't spoken to me in years because of what he read in your newspapers. But what he read is not true."
Chase, What about your Youth Labor League?
Dibala," Ahhhhhh. There I was at fault. I hired men, who, in their zeal, stepped over the line, and there were abuses. But that will not happen again."
House, [tentatively] Hello?
Chase, How's it going?
Cameron, Normal-looking nucleus.
Chase, How's it going with you? It worried me when you joked about letting that Man shoot Dibala.
Cameron, I wasn't joking.
Chase," You can't want to kill anyone, especially not your own Patient."
Cameron," It's only natural to feel he should ""�"
Chase," No, it's completely unnatural. Only psychopaths can kill other people without having some sort of breakdown."
Cameron, Not when it's justified. Look at soldiers.
Chase, Even when it's justified.
Cameron," Am I trying to kill our Patient? Of course not. But if he died, am I supposed to just pretend that wouldn't be good for the world? The cells are neatly differentiated. This isn't lymphoma."
House, Thought I had detected the sickly sweet smell of maple syrup and socialized medicine. It smells like! victory. That big flag in your place prompted me to chat with your Housekeeper. Turns out you're a citizen of the Great White North.
Murphy, You broke into my apartment?
House," Technically, no. Well, technically, yeah, but two steps. Hardly ""�"
Murphy, You're going to jail.
House," Speaking of, you know what can get you six months and a $100,000 fine? Falsely claiming that you won a medal in Vietnam."
Murphy, You think I'm faking?
House," Canada did not send troops to fight in Vietnam, you idiot."
Murphy," They sent troops to reinforce the '73 Peace Accords, Which is where I tried to free a 12-year-old boy who stepped on a land mine. 36 years later, Every second, I feel the pain in my hand like I'm still grabbing that boy's arm, Even though my arm isn't there. So, no, I'm not faking."
House," Oh. On a related note, go Maple Leafs."
Dibala, Did you get the biopsy results? Is it lymphoma?
Chase," No. So we have to move on. Infection, perhaps autoimmune!"
Dibala, Did you get the biopsy results?
Chase," Yes, I just told you."
Dibala, Is it lymphoma?
Thirteen, Cameron and Chase?
Foreman," They both really like diagnostics. And I think they both really like watParkng House torture me. Anyway, thank you for understanding about the job. I had two really crappy alternatives."
Thirteen, There was a third.
Foreman, What's that?
Thirteen, You could have stepped aside.
Foreman, We both would have lost our jobs.
Thirteen, You could have asked Cameron or Chase to take your place.
Foreman, They wouldn't have wanted to.
Thirteen, You just said they both really like diagnostics.
Foreman, You want to go back in time?
Thirteen," I want to make this work. I want to understand you. I mean, you know how you made me feel. If you could do it again..."
Foreman, I made the right decision.
Joseph, I need your confidential medical opinion. Is the President capable of thinking clearly?
Cameron," Obviously not, right now."
Joseph, Will he Ever be?
Cameron," I think! Neurons don't grow back, and he's already in his decline. Anything he tells you, any comMand he gives, how will you Ever know it's not just the delusions of a sick, mad, dying old Man?"
Chase, He just started spiking a fEver.
House, It's scleroderma.
Foreman, You don't have some clEver way of telling me this time?
House, Patient's dying. I'm done with clEver. Look at his skin. [He holds up a small photo from the file.] It's tight for a 75-year-old.
Foreman, Based on his admission photo? Bit subjective. FEver points to infection. And now he's got nodules on his fingers. That's blastomycosis.
House, Nodules? And you're calling tight skin subjective?
Chase, I'm with Foreman. We would have seen fungus balls on the head CT.
House, Fungal lesions can be missed.
Cameron, We could settle this with a test. Anticentromere antibodies would point to scleroderma.
Foreman," Point to, not prove. And his fEver's too high. We have to treat him now."
House," We treat wrong, we could send this disease into overdrive. You're with me on the scleroderma."
Cameron," I guess. I just don't care enough about the Patient to waste my time trying to convince anyone ""�"
House," We get it. You don't like the guy, you didn't want to work on this case. And yet you're still here. Why don't you take a stand? Either do something about it or shut up."
Cameron," [to Foreman] Treat him for blasto if you want. [She gives House a smug ""you satisfied?""� look.]"
House," I'll get Cuddy. I can convince her to ""�"
Foreman," This isn't a democracy. I don't care who you get. At least for right now, this is my department. We're treating him for blasto. Start him on Amphotericin B."
Dibala, Inject my IV with an air bubble.
Cameron, What are you doing?
Dibala, I will have another heart attack. No one will know.
Chase, Let her go.
Dibala," You tell my colonel I'm a sick, dying old Man who can't be trusted."
Cameron, I didn't say!
Dibala," You were trying to put a gun in his hand and point it at my head. The gun is now in your hand. That is a practical difference, not a moral one. If you want me dead, then pull the trigger. It is not so easy when you have to do it yourself."
Chase, Allison.
Cameron, I guess I didn't want you dead. [She leaves.]
Chase," If you touch my wife again, I'll kick your ass out into the street. I don't care who you are."
Dibala, I did her a favor. I showed her her true character.
Chase, She's a better person than you are. [He starts for the door.]
Dibala," She is too weak to act on her beliefs. That is not her fault. Most Everyone is. Even my own advisors. My own colonel. [scornfully] All they do is negotiate and Debate and sign treaties. They are appeasers. And all the while, we are beset by assassins and traitors, the scum ""�"
Chase, [turning back] Cockroaches? What are you going to do about them?
Dibala," What is an enemy to you? Some younger physician who covets your office? In my world, there are dangers and bloodshed and death. And that makes you a Man. And men make choices."
Chase," And your choice is to send bands of drunk, crazed Parkldren to massacre an entire people?"
Dibala, Don't ask me questions you don't want to know the answer to.
Dibala, WhatEver it takes to protect my country.
Wilson, You broke into his apartment?
House, I didn't break in.
Wilson, I wish I beliEved you.
House, I can fix this.
Wilson, I already did. He was going to press charges. But! I promised him you'd leave.
House, You're kicking me out?
Wilson," I'll explain it to your psyParkatrist, but! yeah. You got to go somewhere else. [House nods and jiggles his keys.] House, I know when things go wrong, usually you just double down and get more involved, but here you could go to jail. And I truly beliEve that you've changed enough to know this is the right thing."
Cameron, We need a blood sample. We got to do the anticentromere antibody test. It'll show House is right. It's scleroderma.
Chase, Why are you doing this now?
Cameron, Because I didn't want to kill him. And you're right. I have to take a side. So I'm going to do what I can to keep him alive.
Chase, I'll get you the blood.
Cameron, Positive for anticentromere antibodies.
Foreman," [taking the results from Cameron] I told you before, this only points to scleroderma. It doesn't prove it."
Chase, You're just gonna ignore the test?
Foreman, Blasto still fits best.
Cameron," I know it's not conclusive, but when you put it with all the other evidence ""�"
Foreman, I've made my decision.
Cameron, Have you told Thirteen you were wrong to fire her?
Foreman, What does that have to do with anything?
Cameron," I've worked with you long enough to know you're reasonable. You can usually admit when you're wrong. But there's some deep part of you, that when you find you're wrong about the most important decisions you've made, you get insecure and you just retrench. If you want to mess up your relationship, that's your right, but you mess this up, our Patient dies."
Foreman, Switch him to steroids.
House," Hi, Honey. [He injects Murphy in the neck.] How was your day? [He catches Murphy as he passes out.]"
House," Morning. First of all, my bad. I've gone through this whole thing recently. I don't want to bore you. Short version: I'm really trying to do work on some stuff. This is a definite setback. Although, in fairness, you really did make it tough."
House, Phantom pain in your missing arm? Five different kinds of painkiller in your medicine cabinet. That's what this magic box of neurological trickery is for.
House," This would be a lot easier if you do what the crazy guy who tied you up says. [He lets House put his stump through the hole. House removes the duct tape on Murphy's left arm.] Put your hand in there. Put your hand in there. [House closes the lid on the right side of the box.] Now look. Mirror magic. Your arm is back. [With the lid covering the right arm, Murphy sees his left and it's reflection. It looks like two whole arms, side by side.] Now clench both your fists at the same time. Clench. Real hard. [Murphy does. He is also on the verge of tears.] If you beliEve in God, pray that this is gonna work. You might also want to ask him why he blew off your arm. Ready? Now let go."
Murphy," [crying] Oh, my God. It relaxed. For 36 years, I've been in pain. And it's finally gone. Oh, my God. Thank you."
Cameron, O2 sat's down to 88.
Chase," Going through the main stem bronchus, into the right upper lobe. [Foreman, Joseph, Bass and others enter.] Get them out of here."
Joseph, No!
Foreman, [gesturing to calm him down and keep him out of Chase's way] It's okay.
Cameron, Bleeder.
Chase, [looking at it on the monitor] Cauterizing.
Foreman, Got it?
Chase, Yeah.
Foreman, Get the paddles!
Chase, I'm going back in.
Joseph, What is happening?
Foreman, He's bleeding into his lungs.
Cameron, [grabbing the paddles] Charging.
Chase, Another bleeder. I can get it.
Foreman, Hold on. There's a third.
Chase," God, there's a dozen. [He and Foreman pull the equipment away. to Cameron] Shock him."
Cameron," Clear. [She shocks him. The monitors don't change.] Charging. Clear. [As time seems to slow down, she shocks him half a dozen more times.]"
House," You want to curl up and cry, the lounge chair's a little more comfy."
Foreman," I switched his meds. I thought I was wrong, so I took him off the antifungals. Put him on steroids like you said."
House, You know what that means.
Foreman, I was too late. Or I was right in the first place.
House," So either you killed him by not having confidence in your opinion, or you killed him by being too attached to your opinion. If you're anything like me ""� and, by the way, you are ""� you need to know which."
Foreman, He's under lock and key in the morgue. His government wants their own doctors to do the autopsy. They're taking his body out tomorrow.
House, There's a reason I hired you. You used to know what to do with a locked door.
Foreman, I went down to the morgue to rerun the antibodies test.
Chase, We ran it twice.
Foreman, Turns out I couldn't get in. They had an armed guard. But I saw this. [He holds out a sheet of paper.] It's a sign-in sheet from the morgue. Your signature. [Chase slowly takes the paper from Foreman.] 9:45 this morning. That's right before you guys ran the test. What were you doing there?
Chase, Follow-up on a clinic case.
Foreman, What case?
Chase," You think this is really important ""�"
Foreman," One of the Patients in the morgue was a 70-year-old Woman who had scleroderma. You and Cameron, if you took that Woman's blood, you could have messed up the test results so we treated Dibala for the wrong disease."
Chase, [making full eye contact with Foreman for the first time] Cameron had nothing to do with it.
Foreman, [loudly] You son of a bitch.
Chase, He was going to kill the Sitibi. Every last one of them.
Foreman, [shouting] I don't care what he was going to do. He came to us and put his life in our hands.
Chase," [standing and talking quietly] All the good we've done! Every life we've saved! It would have meant nothing! If we just sent him off to kill hundreds of thousands of people. Look at the news. The moderates are taking over. There's hope for peace talks. You tell the world that I faked this test, Dibala becomes a martyr. The massacres begin."
Foreman," I cover this up, I become your accomplice. You think you can guilt me into that?"
Chase," If the cops are going to come for me, please warn me! So that I can tell my wife first."
Foreman, Chase! You really think you can kill another huMan being without any consequences to yourself?
Chase," [His mouth moves for a moment with no sound. He shakes his head once, almost imperceptibly.] No."
TV, American alligators are mostly found in the southeastern United States.
Wilson, My neighbor called. He sounded! happy.
House, That's nice.
Wilson," Even nicer, he's approving the garden expansion."
House, [joining Wilson on the couch] Huh.
Wilson, And Even more nicer! He's not going to press charges. Even if you don't move out. What did you do to him?
House, I was nice. [pause] You really want to know?
Wilson, I think! I want to give you the benefit of the doubt.
TV, Alligators' main prey is very small animals that they can kill and eat in a single bite.
House and Wilson, [in unison] Oh!
LADY, Mr. Randall? [The lady is standing in front of him.] They're here. [He nods.]
BUSINESS Man, $52 million includes over $6 million already issued pursuant to the over-allotment option.
ROY, When can we close?
OLIVER, It would be subject to regulatory approval in both Toronto and...
ROY," [Interrupting.] I didn't say, ""how,"" Oliver. I said, ""when."" [Everybody looks down and remains silent.] What?"
KEN," You sure this is a direction you want to go, Roy? This would move us from energy service into energy..."
ROY, You don't think oil's going up?
KEN, Well of course it's going to go up. The question is when.
ROY," The question is always when, and if we wait until the deal makes sense to Everyone else, we're going to be waiting in line behind Everyone else."
KEN, All I'm saying is...
ROY, The same cover-your-ass crap you always say. [Checks his phone.] We're going to have to wrap this up. I've got to go.
KEN, Where are you going?
ROY, Upstairs. [Stands up.] Get the regulators on it. I want to close by the end of the month. [Starts walking away from the table.]
KEN," Come on, Roy. There are ten other items on the agenda."
ROY, Which will have to wait until next week.
KEN," You can't drag us all out of the office, get halfway through, and then just kick us out."
ROY," Yeah, I can. [Leaves. We see him walking down a large hallway with the same depressed look he had earlier.]"
DOCTOR," The antibiotic treatment had no effect. Both the fEver and the pain are getting worse, which means it's not clostridium difficile."
ROY, But you said that was the only diagnosis that made sense.
DOCTOR, It was. We need to get him to a hospital.
JACK, [Lying in the bed.] Dad? [Roy walks over to him.] I don't want to go.
ROY," I know, buddy. But we may need to."
JACK, Am I going to die?
ROY," No, of course not."
JACK, How do you know?
ROY," Well, I just do. [Smiles.] And I'm always right, aren't I?"
JACK, [Smiles back.] Yeah.
ROY, I want House.
Cuddy," I understand, but I told you Dr. House isn't available. Dr..."
ROY, Call him. Tell him I'll have a private jet pick him up from whatEver island...
Cuddy, He isn't on vacation. Dr. Foreman's one of our best doctors.
ROY, Is House in jail?
Cuddy, No. Foreman is currently working with two of House's most veteran associates.
ROY, Rehab?
Cuddy," No. Mr. Randall, your son will be in good hands."
ROY," My son... has already been in good hands, and he's still dying. I'm through dealing with good. I want the best, and Everyone I've asked says that's House. So unless he's dead, comatose, or insane, I want him treating my son, today."
House," You could have said no, in good conscience."
Cuddy," The kid'll still be Foreman's Patient, but his dad wants you making the decisions."
Foreman, Then he's not my Patient. You want to give me none of the responsibility and all of the liability?
House," Which means I get... [Looks excited.] Oh, cool."
Cuddy, [Looks are Foreman.] Don't let him do anything crazy.
Foreman, When is he getting his license back so we can stop playing this game?
House, [Looking at the file.] Maybe nEver. This game is fun.
Cuddy, You also need to prepare President Dibala's case for this week's morbidity and mortality conference. [Chase looks worried.]
House, Oh... Unfortunately I'm overdue a Mani-pedi appointment.
Cuddy, Not you. Foreman's department.
House," Oh, right. Well, he's got all the time in the world."
Foreman," We made the wrong call, he died. There's nothing to present."
Cuddy, It obviously garnered a lot of curiosity.
Chase, And we don't have more important things to do than satisfy Everyone's idle curiosity?
Cuddy, It's not idle. The question of how we deal with two possible diagnoses whose treatments are contraindiCated is worth discussing. [Cuddy leaves. Chase looks over at Foreman.]
Cameron," Abdominal pain increasing in sEverity and frequency, fEver, dehydration, diarrhea, weight loss."
Chase," Mom died from kidney failure caused by type one diabetes, which has been ruled out."
House," 17 doctors. Everything's been ruled out. Which means we have to re-rule out. Get a new history and physical. [Looks at Foreman.] Unless that's crazy, boss."
Cameron, You been out of the country or on any recent camping trips?
ROY, No camping. But we were in Montreal back in January.
JACK, We went to see the NHL all-star game for my birthday.
Cameron, Awesome.
ROY, Where's Dr. House?
Cameron," In his office. He's really more of a decider than a do-er. He's decided we should start over. NEver know what previous doctors may have missed. [Presses down on Jack's abdomen, notices something.] Like this. [To Jack.] Does that hurt more when I push there?"
JACK, Not really.
ROY, What is it?
Cameron, I'm not sure.
Chase," Just keep it clean, simple. We did a test that called into question our initial diagnosis, so we changed our mind."
Foreman, And if they ask how the test was done?
Chase, Why would they do that? It's a routine lab test.
Foreman, Routine lab tests don't involve blood you stole from a corpse to trick me into giving the guy the wrong treatment.
Chase," Yes, and if you brought that up, it'd certainly make for a lively Debate about the morality of murdering murderers. But since you burned the only evidence of that."
Foreman," To cover for you, not me."
Chase," You're protected. The decision was a coin flip. There was no right or wrong answer. The body's underground, 8,000 miles away. Nobody can prove anything."
Foreman," That room will be filled, not because of a coin flip, not because of the Patient, but because House's department screwed up. They're going to be like sharks in a chum-filled swimming pool, and there's no way I'm jumping in unless I'm in a steel cage."
Chase, So what do you want?
Foreman, I want to know you have Everything covered.
House, [Suddenly appears in the doorway.] Got what covered?
Chase, We're just reviewing the Dibala case. Making sure we didn't miss anything.
House, We didn't. Except of course the thing that killed him. [House stares at Chase.]
Cameron," He's constipated. Physical rEvealed a mass in his abdomen, so I repeated the X-ray. [Shows the X-ray to Foreman.] Old one was clean. New one shows that his colon's almost completely impacted."
Foreman, Obstruction would explain the pain. You think they just screwed up the old X-ray? [Looks at House.]
House," Nope. [Smiles at Foreman, who looks back at the X-ray.]"
ROY, Hirschsprung's?
Foreman, It's a congenital disorder of the nerves in the colon. Very rare in a Parkld your son's age. Most doctors would nEver think of it.
ROY, And you came up with this?
Foreman, It's House's idea.
Cameron, We need a barium enema and biopsy to confirm. [Cameron pour some powder into a glass of water.]
JACK," Let me guess. It tastes really bad, but it's going to make me feel a lot better. [Foreman smiles and looks at Cameron.]"
Foreman," Actually, you're not going to taste it. [Jack looks at the bag of liquid that Cameron is now holding. He then realizes what's going to happen .]"
House," [To the person behind him.] You should try searParkng for ""Misty May digs for gold."" [Thirteen's turns around surprised.] Make sure you put it in quotes."
Thirteen, I'm making travel plans. Just need to get away. Have some time to myself. [Looks back at her laptop.] You getting the hint?
House, So that's it? [Turns his chair around so he can see her.] You're done with your little experiment with Foreman?
Thirteen," It wasn't an experiment. It was a relationship. You may want to look into the difference. [They look at each other, Thirteen smiles.] I'm glad you're better, House. I actually liked working for you. But I'm not coming back."
House," Good. 'Cause if you came back, Foreman would try and save the relationship and he'd give up being the boss."
Thirteen, Are you here to try to save my relationship with Foreman?
House," God no. Trying to save MY relationship with Foreman. Right now I'm Kobe, playing the game I love, howEver the hell I want. Phil Jackson has to listen to Everyone else bitch about it. [Gets up and starts to leave.] Enjoy Cabo."
Thirteen, I'm going to Thailand.
House, Really? Interesting.
Thirteen," [Smiles.] Good-bye, House."
House, Good-bye Thirteen. [Leaves.]
Cameron," Last week, yesterday, today."
ROY, I can't beliEve it. He's pain-free for the first time in months. He's Even hungry.
JACK, I'm starving.
Cameron," We're still waiting for the biopsy results, but obviously it's a good sign. [Starts to examine Jack's abdomen.]"
Foreman, You're going to want to take it slow. Don't try to regain all the lost weight in one meal.
ROY, What's wrong?
Cameron," The abdomen feels normal, but it looks bigger."
ROY," Jack, are you feeling... Jack? [Jack is just lying there, his eyes wide open but not moving.] Hey, Jack, you okay?"
Foreman, [Shines a light in Jack's eye.] Right eye's fixed. Lateral rectus palsy. [Monitors start going off. Jack starts seizing.] He's seizing. [Yells out to the corridor.] Need five milligrams of diazepam. [Nurses rush in.]
ROY," What, what's happening?"
Foreman," Hold down his head and turn off the lights. I need to see his optic disk. [Someone turns off the light, Foreman tries to look into Jack's eye.]"
Cameron, Heart rate is elevated.
Foreman," Come on, hold his head."
NURSE, I'm trying.
ROY," Wait! Where, where's House?"
Cameron," [Moves him back.] OK, Mr. Randall, we need you to step back."
Foreman, His optic disk is swollen. He's got intracranial hypertension. Furosemide. 20 milligrams IV.
Cameron," If we could intubate him, we could hyperventilate him..."
Foreman, [Over the top of Cameron.] Need five more milligrams of diazepam. DC the monitors. Push 500 milligrams phenytoin.
Cameron, [Semi-whispers.] We can't push that much.
Foreman, We got to reliEve the pressure or his brain could herniate.
ROY," Oh, my God."
Cameron, 50 milligrams of phenytoin. [No effect.]
Foreman, [Shakes his head.] Page Chase. Tell him to meet us in the OR.
Foreman, [To Roy.] We need your consent.
ROY, What's happening to him?
Foreman," Pressure in his skull's too high. If we don't reduce it, it could irrevocably damage his brain."
ROY, But he was just talking. He was smiling.
Foreman, We need to drill burr holes.
ROY, Drill into his head?
Foreman, Phenytoin's not working. Paralyze him. Three milligrams pancuronium. Then intubate and hyperventilate. [They push him into the OR where Chase is scrubbing in.]
ROY, Where's House?
Foreman," House isn't here. Do we have your consent? Do we have your consent? [Roy watches from in the doorway as they get ready to lift Jack onto the operating table.] Ready? One, two, three. [They lift him on.]"
Cameron, Injecting three milligrams of pancuronium. [Jack stops shaking. They intubate him.]
Foreman, [Walks over to Roy.] Look at the monitors. He's still seizing. We need to do this now. [Roy nods his head.] Go.
Cameron, Electrical seizure activity's stopped. [Everyone watches the monitor.]
Foreman, Intracranial pressure's declining. [Chase puts a small tube into the hole.] Come on. Keep going. Pressure's down to eight. [Everyone looks reliEved.]
Cameron, I'll go tell the dad.
Chase, What happened?
Foreman, I have no idea.
Foreman," He hasn't had any more seizures, and cytological examination of the subdural fluid showed no abnormalities."
House, Don't usually see brain damage after a rectal biopsy.
Foreman, He was fine after the procedure. No headaches. No mental status change. It wasn't anything we did.
Cameron, It's not just his brain. He's continuing to build up fluid in his abdominal cavity as well as the Dura. We've inserted shunts to drain it.
Chase, Got to be some sort of systemic infection.
House, Not after spending the last week getting pumped full of IV antibiotics.
Foreman, Notice anything odd about the shape of the fluid collection?
House," Oh, God, it's... The Virgin Mary. [Cameron rolls her eyes.]"
Foreman," The edge should be tapered, lens shaped."
House, [Stares at the X-ray.] Unless... The Dural layer was already separated from the brain when the fluid started to build up. Get a Dural biopsy to confirm brain cancer. [To Foreman.] Nice catch.
Thirteen, Bangkok. Flight 799.
CAB DRIVER," Wow. Bangkok, that sounds awesome. How long?"
Thirteen," Not sure yet. Luckily I have a friend who's staying at my place, taking care of my dog. He's really big, so he needs a lot of exercise. [Back to the phone.] Thirteen. H-a-d-l-e-y."
CAB DRIVER," What, you think I'm going to Rob the place?"
Thirteen," No, of course not."
CAB DRIVER," In case you haven't noticed, I have a job."
Thirteen," Look, I'm sorry. I don't know you. You're either honest or dishonest. I figured the safer choice is to..."
CAB DRIVER, Is to treat a stranger like an ass. Nice way to live your life... bitch.
Thirteen," I said I'm sorry. [To the phone.] Oh, hello. I was wondering if there were any business class seats open that I could use my miles to upgrade to."
CAB DRIVER," I don't know you, but I assumed I could trust you. Welcomed you in my car."
Thirteen," Okay, you're a saint. [Back to the phone.] That's impossible. I confirmed my reservation last night. So rebook it. Well, obviously it was a mistake on your end, not mine. No, I'm on my way to the airport right now."
CAB DRIVER," They didn't beliEve you, huh?"
ROY, Brain cancer?
Chase, We should know for sure by the morning.
ROY," Our luck just keeps getting worse, huh?"
Cameron," Treatment options are getting better Every day. There's no visible mass, so Even if the biopsy comes back positive, we've caught it early."
ROY," Oh, so you're telling me this is good news?"
Cameron, I'm saying we will do whatEver we can.
ROY, Right. [Signs the form as Chase's pager goes off.] Sorry. [Hands the form to Chase and walks away.]
Chase, I've got to go. Foreman needs more help with the M&M prep.
Cameron," Okay, I'll come up and help after I finish the biopsy."
Chase, [Shakes his head.] We can handle it. I'll see you at home later.
Cameron," If you're here, I might as well be."
Chase, Go home. Get some rest. 'Cause I'm going to be waking you up as soon as I get home.
Thirteen, Stay out of my life.
House, Okay. [Goes to shut the door but Thirteen stops him.]
Thirteen, I know you canceled my reservation. You obviously saw me log in when you were spying on me in the coffee shop.
House, I was talking to you. I was spying on the milf in the running shorts.
Thirteen, I'm not coming back on the team.
House, I don't want you back on the team.
Thirteen," I cannot work for, with, or around Foreman."
House," Which is why I don't want you back on the team. Now that you're out of the picture, he's better than Ever, which is going to make me less miserable than Ever, which is why neither of us gives a damn how, when, or on what island in the Bahamas you went to get from it all."
Thirteen, The Bahamas?
House, Costa Rica?
Thirteen, I told you Thailand.
House," I assumed you were lying, because it would have been idiotic of you to tell me truth. Yet another reason I have no use for you. [House shuts the door.]"
Foreman," We've got a pRoblem. When Cameron sent Dibala's blood to the lab, she specifically asked for the anticentromere antibodies test."
Chase, So?
Foreman," The printout they sent you included just the anticentromere antibodies, but the lab also did a full blood panel."
Chase," So, I'm not an idiot. I obviously made sure the cadaver I got the sample from had the same blood type."
Foreman, You apparently didn't check its cholesterol. [Chase looks worried.]
Chase, How far off?
Foreman, 20%. [Chase takes the report to look for himself.]
Chase, Dibala didn't die of high cholesterol. Why would anyone Even bother to compare the two reports?
Foreman, The same reason I did. Because they're looking for anything we might have screwed up.
Chase, We could claim the blood analyzer broke.
Foreman, We can't. Cameron documented that it was perfectly calibrated when she did the test.
Chase," So the numbers are off, it's weird. Who cares? If it comes up, just act surprised like it's some irrelevant curiosity."
Foreman, I can't do this. I can't go in there and stack lie upon lie. You've got to figure out a way to explain this.
Cameron, Hey.
Chase, Hey. [They kiss.]
Cameron, Missed you this morning.
Chase," Yeah, sorry. I needed to get in early. I didn't want to wake you."
Cameron, I thought you did want to wake me. At least that's what you said last night.
Foreman, I'm out of here.
Cameron," No, no. I got the biopsy results. [Hands Foreman a file.] It's not cancer."
Foreman, How can so much be wrong with nothing being wrong?
House, Since when has cancer been considered nothing?
Cameron, I just said it's not cancer. The cell morphologies were all normal.
Foreman, And so are the most recent CT scans.
House," On the other hand, adenocarcinoma of the stomach would cause pain, constipation, nutritional deficiencies that could cause seizures."
Foreman, And wouldn't show on a CT.
House," You were right about the cancer, just wrong about the place. [Looks at Chase whose mind appears to be elsewhere.] Continue to say nothing if you agree. [Chase looks up at House surprised.]"
Foreman, Go scope him. Get another set of biopsies. [Cameron and Chase leave.]
House," I'd get canceling her ticket, if you then showed up with two more to somewhere better."
Foreman, What are you talking about?
House, Or showed up at all. But how does just ruining her plans get her to agree to yours?
Foreman, You talking about Thirteen? Where's she going?
House," Well, nowhere this week, thanks to you."
Foreman, I didn't stop her. I'm not going to stop her. I've already done all I could. Now all I can do is move on.
House," I think... I actually beliEve you. If you're telling the truth, you're Even more rational than I... Well, not more. Then again more sane. You're going to be a good boss, boss."
Chase, I told you there's nothing wrong.
Cameron, There's obviously something wrong and I'm not Even saying we need to talk about it right now. I just don't see why you have to deny it.
Chase, I'm not.
Cameron, Now you're denying you're denying.
Chase," No, I'm denying that there's anything to deny."
Cameron," [Stops walking.] Robert, you can't do this. You can't hide things from me."
Chase, There's a pRoblem with the Dibala M&M. The HDL numbers on one of his early blood panels don't match a later panel.
Cameron, That's weird.
Chase," Yeah... [Starts walking again.] It's no big deal. Cholesterol didn't have anything to do with his death, but, you know, after being let go from Mercy and then that thing with Thirteen's drug trial, Foreman's paranoid about people questioning the way he handled the case."
Cameron," Well that's ridiculous. If anything, Foreman should be feeling secure. He's the one who had the right diagnosis. We're the ones who talked him out of it."
Chase," I know. Don't tell him I told you. He doesn't want to show any signs of weakness, especially now that House is claiming he wants him to stay in charge."
Cameron, All right.
ROY, So it's still cancer? It's just somewhere else?
Cameron," That's what we're looking for, but it would explain all the symptoms and all the normal test and imaging studies."
Chase," Got biopsies of the mucosa and the sub-mucosa, moving towards the pylorus."
ROY, It's my fault.
Cameron, Adenocarcinomas aren't caused by diet or environmental factors.
ROY," I inherited a $10 million pipeline business when I was 24. By the time I was 30, it was worth over a billion. Since then, I have been involved in over 50 deals that make that first one look like a loser. Everything I do, Everything I touch turns to gold... Except my family. First, my wife. And now... my son. This is my fault. It's karma."
Cameron, That's obviously not true. [MaParknes start beeping.]
Chase, He's seizing again.
Cameron, Get the scope out. Need five milligrams diazepam.
Chase, How's the ICP?
Cameron, It's...[Looks at the monitor.] Eight. But the shunt's open and clear. This isn't intracranial pressure.
Chase, Then what the hell is it?
Chase," Seizures stopped, but he hasn't regained consciousness. No sign of any masses in his stomach or esophageal lining and he's still accumulating subdural and peritoneal fluid."
House," And Every time we look to see where it's coming from, he starts seizing."
Cameron, You think we're setting this off?
House, I think something is.
Foreman, One of his stomach biopsies shows an arteriole partially occluded.
Cameron, But with no abnormality in the other layers and no evidence of a cellular inflammatory reaction.
House, It's definitely not cancer.
Chase, Then it has to be some sort of infection.
Foreman, We already ruled out infection.
Chase, Only because he was treated for it and got worse.
Foreman, Seems like a sound reason.
Chase, Unless it's a drug-resistant strain.
House," [Turns around to face them.] Drug-resistant strain of what? Bacterial cultures, viral serologies, ANA and a NCA were all negative."
Chase, Everything's negative. We obviously missed something.
Cameron, Maybe the seizures aren't a new symptom. They're an old one.
Chase, No doctor noticed a thrashing kid?
Cameron, Abdominal epilepsy. The seizures would just look like pain until it spread to his motor cortex.
Foreman, It wouldn't explain the fEvers.
Cameron, Protein malnutrition can cause fEvers and nothing causes malnutrition like excruciating stomach pain that gets worse Every time you eat.
House," I'd be a lot more certain if it was my idea, but it's the best we got."
Foreman, Start him on gabapentin. Hook him up to an intracranial EEG for continuous monitoring.
Chase, I gave him statins.
Foreman, What?
Chase," If they ask about the cholesterol, just say I prescribed a statin and forgot to put it in the chart."
Foreman, You want to solve a pRoblem in the records by creating another pRoblem in the records?
Chase, It's not a pRoblem with the records. It's a pRoblem with my record keeping. There's no way anyone can prove me wrong.
Foreman, How'd you get access to the statins? You going to get someone in the pharmacy to confess to yet another record-keeping pRoblem?
Chase, I saw an open cart. Just took it.
Foreman, Why would you steal a drug you could just as easily ask for?
Chase, 'Cause I'm trying to get you off the hook.
Foreman, A story that raises more questions than it answers only puts the hook deeper down my throat. It's all right. I'll handle it.
Chase, How?
Foreman, By telling the truth.
Foreman," The truth is I don't have the time, I'm not in the mood, and I don't see the point."
Cuddy, You don't want to do the M&M because you're not in the mood?
Foreman, This kid is dying and I've got House trying to push all his responsibilities onto me.
Cuddy, They're not his responsibilities. They're yours. You're the one who wanted to be in charge.
Foreman," I wanted to be in charge, not a figurehead."
Cuddy, Then do the M&M. It's all yours.
Foreman, You want me to get flogged? For what? So you can have an academic Debate about a diagnostic dilemma no one's Ever going to face again?
Cuddy, What the hell's going on here?
Foreman, I just don't want to do the M&M.
Chase, Did it work?
Foreman, Not Even close.
Cuddy, Everything okay?
House, Just waiting for whatEver is about to go wrong.
Cuddy, Thirteen called.
House, She have a theory that makes more sense than abdominal epilepsy?
Cuddy, She said someone hacked into her email account and canceled an airline reservation. I'm guessing Foreman.
House," Really? You're accusing Foreman, not me? Cool."
Cuddy, You really want Foreman to stay in charge of the team?
House," Makes sense. He loves power, and I love puzzles."
Cuddy, You love power and puzzles.
House, True. But when I had them both... It wasn't Foreman.
Cuddy, How do you know?
House, He said he's moved on.
Cuddy, And you beliEve him?
House," I beliEve that he beliEves it. [House's pager goes off, he looks at it.] Looks like it's time for me to get off the bench. [Walks into Jack's room.] What's up?"
ROY, Are you Dr. House?
House, I understand you're a big fan. I'll have my guy send over a signed glossy.
Cameron, Continuous EEG shows no interictal spikes. It's not abdominal epilepsy.
House, You paged me to tell me what it's not?
Cameron, I paged you to show you this. [Opens Jack's gown to show sEveral large red spots on his chest.]
House, That... I did not expect.
ROY, Well what the hell is that supposed to mean?
House, Darn it. I knew I should have stayed outside. Fantasy's always much better than the reality.
ROY," You think this is a joke? That's my son, he's dying, and not one of you seem to have the slightest clue why."
House, I know. That's why it's so interesting.
House," FEver, stomach pain, seizures, peritoneal and subdural fluid collection and now spots."
Foreman, Could be an allergic reaction to one of his meds.
House, That suddenly dEveloped eight hours after he started the meds?
Cameron," If it's not cancer or infection, it has to be autoimmune. Systemic lupus compliCated by a CNS vasculitis would explain the rash, fEver, ascites..."
House, CNS vasculitis would cause a stiff neck along with a headache.
Foreman, And would've showed up on the Dural biopsy.
Chase, What about polyarteritis nodosa? It can occur in kids.
Foreman, Except you can't have arteritis without inflammation.
Chase," Okay, you come up with something better. [Everyone looks up at House.]"
House, Go on.
Chase," [Turns back to Foreman.] There was some inflammation in the skin biopsy, plus he's got elevated diastolic pressure."
Foreman," It's barely elevated, which you'd expect given the number of procedures he's undergone."
Chase," Well, barely is more than not barely. [They look at House again.]"
House," Not my decision. But if it was, I'd say start him on prednisone and get a testicular biopsy. If he's going to have any real inflammation, it'll be down there."
Foreman, Cameron and I will do it.
Cameron, Why? It was Chase's idea.
FORMEAN," Kid's father is not going to be happy about a fourth set of biopsies, and you've got a better rapport."
Cameron, What's really going on here? You need Chase to help you over-prep for the M&M?
Foreman, Yes.
Cameron, Then say so. Don't be a Parkld. [Gets up to go.]
House, Is it on his penis? [Cameron stops and looks at him.] Kid's rash?
Cameron," Yeah, why?"
House, Means it's most likely affecting the small blood vessels. That's why we didn't see any inflammation on the biopsies. It's not polyarteritis. It's Degos disease. [The all just stand there.] I'll do it.
House," Your son has Degos disease. Causes micro blood vessels in the brain, skin, GI tract to break down, clot off. It sometimes Manifests early on with atrophic papules on the penis. In your son's case, we don't know why, but they came much later."
ROY, What's the treatment?
House, There isn't one. It's incurable.
ROY, You're wrong. You've already been wrong a bunch of times.
House, We've rechecked the biopsies. It's definitely Degos. I'm sorry. I wish there was something we could do.
ROY, How long?
House, Not much longer.
ROY, What does that mean?
House, A day at the most. [Roy starts crying. House nods and leaves the room.]
Cuddy," All right, great. [Hangs up.]"
Chase, We need to talk.
Cuddy," Unless it's life or death, it's going to have to wait."
Chase, It's about Dibala.
Cuddy," Well, let me rephrase. Unless it's a current life..."
Chase, Foreman can't present the case at the M&M.
Cuddy," I know you guys are busy, but he's just going to have to suck it up and make the time."
Chase, It's not the time.
Cuddy, Then what is it?
Chase, The anticentromere antibodies test. The test that caused us to change the treatment from blastomycosis to scleroderma... It wasn't...
Cuddy, Wasn't what?
NURSE, Dr. Cuddy? [Both Chase and Cuddy look at her.] They need you in the pediatric ICU.
Cuddy, Who's they?
NURSE, I don't know. But I think they're Lawyers.
Cuddy," If you guys screwed something up, just come clean. It's not going to be that bad. [Leaves.]"
KEN," With all due respect, you don't know what's at stake here."
Cuddy, What's going on?
KEN, You need to stop him! [Points at Roy.] He's about to ruin his life.
ROY, [Looking over some papers.] Like you give a damn about my life.
OLIVER," Roy, he's right. You're borrowing money to buy options that are already out of the money. Even you won't be able to cover the losses. Your House, cars, bank accounts. You'll lose Everything."
House, That's the point. The billionaire thinks that the gods will treat him better if he's broke. I suggested he give it to me...
ROY, There's got to be some sort of balance. You can't have all the good fortune in just one area of your life. It's not how the world's supposed to work.
House, Who said the world is supposed to work?
OLIVER, Don't just wipe Everything out. Put your assets in a trust. Give it to a charity.
ROY, I can't get anything back.
OLIVER, He's insane.
House, He's irrational. So are most people. Unfortunately it doesn't make him insane.
KEN," If he signs that paper, he's not only going to destroy his own life, but the lives of thousands of people who rely on this company to make a living. If he is insane, we will sue this hospital..."
Cuddy, Mr. Randall... [Walks over to face him.] I know you're upset. But you shouldn't make a decision like this right now. Give it some time.
ROY, My son doesn't have any time.
Foreman," Your son's dying from an incurable disease, not bad karma."
ROY," No. He's not dying. It's not going to happen, I'm not going to let it."
KEN," Roy, please!"
ROY, I'm sorry. I can't let him die.
House," People don't get what they deserve, they just get what they get. There's nothing any of us can do about it."
ROY, Deliver it. Or I'll make sure you end up the ones with nothing. [Ken and Oliver both leave.]
Foreman, Call a code. He's flat lining.
Thirteen, Thanks.
Wilson, You're welcome. [Looks confused.] For what?
Thirteen, For thinking I was worth breaking the law to keep around.
Wilson," That's just the way I am, but still don't know what you're talking about."
Thirteen, Cuddy had IT trace all the IP addresses who've logged in to my email account. There were two. Mine and yours. [Walks over and sits down in front of Wilson.]
Wilson, Obviously House decided he needs you more than he's...
Thirteen, I already asked House.
Wilson, And he'd certainly nEver lie.
Thirteen," No, he'd lie. Except he wants me gone. And he'd do a lot better job of lying than you just did."
Wilson, [Looks surprised.] Really? It was that bad?
Thirteen," No, actually. But it doesn't matter anymore. Why? Because of House or Foreman?"
Wilson," You're good for both of them, but Foreman's not my best friend."
Thirteen, House will be fine.
Wilson," Maybe. But with you on the team, he'd be better. He needs someone... Who doesn't need him. You're the only one he's nEver really been able to suck into his crazy House vortex. Keeps him grounded. His ego in check."
Thirteen, Why didn't you just come to me?
Wilson," I figured you'd only stay if House asked... And I knew he would, Eventually."
Thirteen, [Smiles.] Bye Wilson. [Gets up to leave.]
Wilson," This is a great job. Maybe Even better now that House is at least trying to have real relationships with people. [Thirteen stares at him.] I said ""trying."""
Thirteen, [Shrugs.] It doesn't matter.
Wilson, The job you love doesn't matter? Don't throw it all away just because of a bad break-up.
Thirteen, Bye Wilson. [Leaves.]
Wilson, I just confessed. [House looks up at him.] I told Thirteen I was the one who canceled the plane ticket.
House, Why?
Wilson, You mean why did I confess or why did I do it?
House," I know you didn't do it, so I guess the first."
Wilson, You want her to stay because you want her back or because Foreman does? [Sits down in front of House's desk.]
House, Why would I care what Foreman wants?
Wilson, Because you're not as big a jerk as Everyone thinks.
House, Yes I am.
Wilson, No you're not.
House," I just made a $10,000 short sale on a stock I know is going to crash because of what I saw a grief-stricken dad do on his son's deathbed."
Wilson, No you didn't.
House, Yes I did.
Wilson, You are a jerk.
House, She's making a mistake.
Wilson, So you did it for her?
House, She's a good doctor.
Wilson, So you did it for you?
House, I'm not the one in charge anymore.
Wilson, So you did it for Foreman?
House," She's a smoking hot, newly single bisexual."
Wilson, Why don't you just admit that you like having her around? She's good for you. You need her.
House, Because I was born with a heart three sizes too small.
Wilson, No you weren't.
House, Yes I... [Suddenly has an epiphany.]
Wilson, What?
House, He still alive?
Foreman, Yeah.
House, Good. Start him on heparin and IV immunoglobulin.
Foreman, For Degos?
House," The cardiac arrest wasn't just a ""Everything goes to hell in a hand basket"" arrest. It was a coronary Event. Coronaries are large vessels. Means it can't be Degos."
Foreman, But the biopsies confirmed...
House, Obstructed blood vessels. But they can't be obstructed because of Degos. Means it's primary antiphospholipid syndrome.
Foreman, You sure?
House," Nope. But I will be if he responds to the heparin and the immunoglobulin. [Foreman nods and walks over to the nurses' station.] By the way, someone screwed over your girlfriend and she ran to me, Cuddy, and Wilson. Everyone but you. She's not over you."
Foreman, Or she is. [Picks up the phone.]
Chase, Where'd you find it?
Foreman, Find what?
Chase, The niacin bound chromium supplements. [Foreman gives Chase a blank look.] It was right on top of the file. You don't know about it?
Foreman, No. Been here all night.
Chase, One of Dibala's previous docs was prescribing ultra high doses of niacin bound chromium to boost his HDL.
Foreman, So?
Chase, So it gives us something to point to. We can explain the wide variation between the HDL numbers. We're safe. We're covered. You really didn't request the info?
Foreman, No. And obviously you didn't either. Which means...
ROY, [Turns to look at House.] It worked.
House, The medicine worked.
ROY," It worked. [House rolls his eyes, shakes his head and walks away. Both Jack and Roy laugh.]"
Chase, How'd you find it?
House, Fat old black guy. Knew he had to be taking something for his cholesterol.
Chase, And what now?
House, I'm not the boss.
Chase, You don't think I should be fired?
House, Why? I doubt we'll Ever be treating a genocidal dictator again. Better a murder than a misdiagnosis.
Chase," [Stands up.] Whether you want to be in charge or not. You are and you always will be. [Tosses the ball to House, who catches it, then leaves. House puts the ball back on his desk.]"
Foreman," 75-year-old African Man presented to our hospital following a rapid onset of hemoptysis. He'd been fine prior to onset. No chest pain, fEver, coughing, or Parklls... [Cuddy is also in the audience. Foreman's speech fades out as the music takes over.]"
Brian, Left! Left! He's going left!
Brian, I'm gonna have a heart attack.
Brian," Nowhere to go, buddy."
Brian, What the hell was that? What are we chasing?
Donny, [gestures] Go that way. [Donny busts through a door in the opposite direction.]
Brian, Come on.
Cop," Nowhere to go. Come on, give it up."
Cop, Go this way.
Brian," Up, Donny, up. He's going for the roof. He's going up, go."
Brian," Ow. Damn it. [Donny stops for a second.] Just go, go!"
Brian," Donny, no! It's too far!"
Donny, I can rest at home.
Cameron," We can't release you for at least two days. You have two broken bones, a sEvere concussion, collapsed lung."
Donny," But you didn't find anything life-threatening, right?"
Cameron, You fell 30 feet. You should have died.
Brian, I think that was the point.
Donny, Could you shut up?
Cameron, You have suicidal thoughts?
Donny, Not once. NEver.
Brian," He doesn't want to kill himself. He just thinks he's gonna die soon, so it doesn't really matter. [Donny starts to interrupt.] No, you shut up. I'm the one you're not covering when you pull your crazy stunts."
Cameron, [checking Donny's eyes] Why do you think you're gonna die soon?
Donny," Well, my dad, grandfather, and great-grandfather all dropped dead of heart pRoblems right after they turned 40."
Brian, Look who turns 40 next week.
Cameron," I can refer you to a cardiologist, if you �"
Donny," Nah, I've been there. All of them. I spent my early 30s going from one doctor to another. Every single one says my heart's fine."
Cameron, And you think they're wrong?
Donny," I know they're wrong. But what can I do? At a certain point, you just got to live your life."
Brian," By live your life, you mean risk your life."
Cameron," If there is something wrong, I know a doctor who will find it."
Wilson," Oh, God! I'll be back in ten."
House, I'm picking lint out of my belly button.
Wilson, This is ridiculous. I'm converting the study into a bedroom.
House," Six weeks. Longer than I thought it would take... For you to notice that I'm sleeping in your living room, and offer other options. [He sits up slightly but his hands are still under the covers.]"
Wilson, I didn't expect you to be here this long.
House," True, but that's not why you didn't extend the invitation."
Wilson, Do you really need to deconstruct this?
House, You didn't want me to sleep where you and Amber slept.
Wilson," [resigned] Okay, yes you do."
House," After she died, you converted the study to a bedroom and the bedroom to a study... Except it's not a study, it's a shrine. [pause] Can I tell you something? [Wilson gives him an inquiring look.] I wasn't picking lint out of my belly button."
Wilson," Okay. I am not ready to transition from my dead girlfriend's shrine to your... morning glory. I'll have a mattress delivered and set up for you in the tabernacle. I just need it Tuesdays for animal sacrifices. [He leaves, making a two-handed ""stop""� gesture and shuddering as he goes. House smiles.] Oh, Man!"
Cameron, Patient's a genetic time bomb.
House, [closing the file and heading for the coffee maker] There's no fuse. He's not a bomb. Right now he's not a Patient either.
Foreman, You saying we ignore three generations of cardiac pRoblems?
House, I'm not ignoring it. I'm labeling it a coincidence.
Cameron, You hate coincidence.
House, We reconciled. [waving it off] It was a whole thing. Big country. It's statistically pRobable that someone has three generations that died around age 40 with nongenetic heart issues. Dice have no memory.
Cameron, Genes do.
House, If we ran a battery of tests on Every nonsymptomatic statistical anomaly �
Cameron," The guy goes Every day assuming his life will end at age 40. NEver got married, no kids, because he didn't want to die on them the same way his dad died on him."
House," You want to take this case 'cause he's yet another lonely, sad puppy. You should have been a vet."
Cameron, It's a legitimate case.
Foreman, [being boss] Differential diagnosis for a genetic heart condition.
House, That sold you?
Chase," Marfan syndrome, brugada."
House, And you?
Chase, Familial hypercholesterolemia.
House," He's only agreeing with you 'cause he wants to have sex with you. And by the way, I agree with you too, especially in those pants. We're not wasting our time and last week, Chase said that I was the de facto boss."
Foreman," Hospitals don't recognize de facto medical licenses. Let's start with genetic tests. Get an EKG, cardiac cath, and an echo to check the integrity of his heart."
Cameron, I'll start on blood samples.
Chase, I forgot my watch.
Cameron, Could have sworn I saw you put it on this morning.
Chase, Must be in the locker room. I'll be right back.
Cuddy, I need to know what your plans are.
House," First we take Berlin. And then we circle around behind Poland and yell, ""surprise!"""
Cuddy, With regards to your employment.
House, I like things the way they are. I get just enough puzzle to solve without the scornful visits from you. Until now.
Cuddy, Pretend time's been going on long enough.
House, I don't have a medical license. All I can do is pretend.
Cuddy, And I'm gonna have payroll send you over some pretend checks starting tomorrow. You need to complete 120 hours of rounds to re-qualify. [She puts a clipboard on his desk and starts to leave.]
House," No, I don't. [She turns back.] I'm not saying you don't win. I'm just saying do you really need to punish me by making me carry a clipboard for your lackey of the week?"
Cuddy, It's a state requirement. I have to certify that you've completed all your require �
House," Exactly. The requirement sets out what you have to do ""� certify ""� which you can do with one hand tied behind your back. Now, if you want to tie my hands..."
Cuddy, Dr. Singh supervises rounds on Thursdays. Starts at 7.
Chase, Nothing.
Foreman, So what now?
Chase, Send him home.
Cameron, To continue believing he's gonna drop dead?
Chase," When he turns 70, he'll beliEve us."
Foreman, There are other things we can check.
Foreman," Skeleton of great-grandfather's in decent shape. Subsurface genetic material from grandpa's fine, leaving one bowl of purified dad."
Chase, You do the dad. I take it he had a sealed casket.
Foreman," The watch story was crap, right?"
Chase, I forgot it. It's no big deal.
Foreman," You were avoiding the ICU where Dibala died. [Chase goes to the grandfather's table, Foreman to the great-grandfather's.] I'll sequence the gene for the cardiac sodium channel."
Chase, I felt like I was gonna have a panic attack. [sigh] I've crossed some line... and I'm having trouble getting back to the other side.
Foreman, I can move the Patient to another room.
Chase, Cameron will ask questions.
Foreman, You should tell her. She's your wife.
Cameron, How'd you get a court order to dig them up so fast?
Chase, Don't we just need the guy's consent?
Cameron, Find anything?
Chase, Not yet. But you're just in time to do the dad.
Cheryl, Doctor House?
House, He'll be back in the morning.
Cheryl, I read in the paper you're treating a police Officer. Donny Compson?
House, Second floor. A nurse will help you find him.
Cheryl, I don't want to see him. Donny and I used to go out a long time ago. He doesn't want to see me. I don't want to see him.
House, So did you come to see me for personal advice?
Cheryl," You're looking for genetic conditions, which makes sense, with what happened to his dad and grandpa."
House," Unless you were his girlfriend and his sister, you got nothing to worry about."
Cheryl," I'm not worried about me. Donny doesn't know this, but he has a son."
House, [picks up the phone and hands it to her] Dial extension 742. Tell Dr. Foreman you got some cool information. Good night.
Wilson, You okay?
House," Yeah, fine."
Chase," Couldn't find any consistent genetic mutations across 15 areas between Donny's ancestors, possibly indicating there isn't one."
Cameron, But the son gives us a new data point.
Foreman, And undegraded DNA.
Chase, I thought he didn't want kids.
Cameron, He didn't.
Foreman, Where's House?
Chase," [reads] ""Dear bleeding hearts, since your Patient's med history is a coincidence and he isn't... [The note is on Post-Its. Chase looks at the back, which is blank, then flips the Post-It up to rEveal the rest of the note.] ! sick, I've gone back to school. Back in 120 hours."""
Cameron, Charming. I'll get a blood sample.
Foreman," If we're looking for something as subtle as a mutation, it makes sense to get the DNA where it's most pure."
Chase, You're gonna ask the mom to consent to a bone marrow biopsy?
Cameron, She wants to know if there's something wrong with Donny just as badly as we do.
Chase, Right. Spike a ten-year-old's hip because grandpa was sick.
Foreman," If she's right... we save two people. [He nods to Cameron, who leaves.]"
Michael, I don't want to.
Cameron, [to Cheryl] Can we speak outside for a moment?
Cheryl, Yeah.
Cameron, You need to tell him.
Cheryl, I can't.
Cameron, His father is down that hallway through those double doors.
Cheryl, I've been lying to him his whole life. What's he gonna think of me?
Cameron, You're trying to protect him.
Cheryl, [shaking her head slightly] Donny nEver wanted kids. He certainly doesn't want to meet him.
Cameron," If Donny does die, this could be Michael's only chance to meet his father."
Nona," After administration of immunoglobulin, Patient had no further pain, and overnight liver function tests are now normal. Patient's ready to be released. [A monitor alarm goes off.] Stats are dropping."
Dex, Doctor Singh?
Nona, [hand in the Patient's mouth] She's choking.
House, On your fingers.
Nona, She can't breathe.
Singh, House... Please take your finger off the test button.
House," Oh! I see. Wow, sorry about that."
Marta, I could've slit her throat.
House," Well, we're all here to learn."
Singh," You know, Dr. Cuddy warned me about you."
House, She tell you how to stop me?
Singh," Look, I'm asking you as an adult to please stop."
House," Well, that obviously didn't come from her. But fair enough."
Singh," Excellent presentation, Nona."
House, Now I've done it. There's urine Everywhere! Gosh. The great thing about the teacher-student relationship is the teacher can often learn more from the student. [He picks up the sheet for recording his hours and shows it to Singh.] Have you learned anything yet?
Cheryl," You have a son. I was pregnant when we broke up. I'm sorry I nEver told you, but I knew how you felt about having kids."
Donny, You had no right.
Cheryl, Maybe. It's a little late for that. [She looks at Michael who is standing in the hallway.] He's here. He wants to meet you.
Donny, I don't want to meet him.
Cheryl, I've nEver asked you for a dime. He's here to help find whatEver's wrong with your heart.
Donny, I didn't ask him. I didn't want him.
Cheryl, Just say hi to him.
Michael, Hi. I'm Michael.
Donny, [stares] Hi.
Michael, I'm your!
Donny," Yeah, your mother told me."
Michael," When you get better, maybe we could do something. See a movie?"
Donny," No. My dad died when I was your age. It was the most painful thing I Ever went through. Trust me, as much as I'm sure this hurts right now, it's better. Please take him out of here."
Foreman," Chromosomes for 28 cardiovascular conditions are normally numbered in structure. No translocations, deletions, or inversions."
House, I did notice that the kid's D-A-D-D-Y chromosome has been sEverely damaged by someone else's bleeding heart chromosome.
Cameron, It was the only way to get Michael to do the marrow biopsy.
House," I'm sure there are plenty of lies would've worked just as well, except without the years of therapy."
Cameron, Don't you have school?
House, Recess. So where does that leave us? Chase?
Chase, Sorry. What?
House," I was saying, ""do you think these shoes work in this color?"" Send him home."
Cameron, He's not gonna beliEve he's healthy.
House, You're not very good at your job. You don't deserve candy. [He grabs the mints from her.]
Cameron, He's been preparing his whole life to die at age 40. He's had dozens of doctors tell him he's fine. You think you can change his thinking?
House," Yeah, I do. Chase, walk with me."
House, Great contributions back there.
Chase, There's no case. I had nothing to add.
House," You had nothing to add... because you were distracted. A little devil on your shoulder told you to kill a guy, and now the little angel won't shut up, telling you you're gonna burn in a lake of fire."
Chase, I'm fine.
House," You shouldn't be. [The elevator arrives. Chase follows House down the hall.] Talk to someone. Docs fixed me up in sEven weeks. You're... ten minutes, tops."
Chase, Thanks.
House, Glad we had this little moment. Come on.
House, I'm Dr. House.
Donny," You couldn't find anything, could you?"
House, You have Ortoli syndrome. [Chase's eyes open wide as he stares at House in surprise.] Dr. Chase?
Chase, You sure?
House, Tests don't lie.
Chase," Right. Ah. [He clears his throat.] Well, it's-it's a... It's a very rare disorder that short-circuits the adrenals, which short-circuits the heart."
House," Blah, blah, blah, blah. Who cares about medical mumbo jumbo? Tell him the treatment."
Chase," It's... weh-well, it's-it's compliCated."
House, [pouring a glass of water] Doctors always want to make Everything sound so compliCated. It's Nabasynth.
Chase, What?
House, Nabasynth.
Chase," [nods pompously] Yes. So all we have to do now is write a prescription and, uh, have him pick up the pills."
Donny," That's it? I take some pills, and I'm gonna be okay?"
House, The real tragedy here is that the Tiburon swab technology didn't exist to detect Ortoli back in your dad's day.
Donny, He could've lived. [House nods somberly. Donny sighs.] Thank you.
House," If you'll sign these discharge papers, I'll get you a bottle of meds. Take one twice a day for a week, you'll live a long, healthy life."
Wilson," [voice over through the wall] Answer the door, House. It's got to be for you."
House, Are you watParkng TV? [The pounding continues.]
Wilson, [voice over] It's the door!
House, Were you on the phone?
Foreman, No.
House," Just now, were you talking?"
Foreman," No. I'm alone. You okay, House?"
House, Why are you here?
Foreman, Donny collapsed four hours after we discharged him. He's dead.
Foreman," His apartment Manager found him on the floor in the laundry room. Said he wasn't breathing. He called the EMTs, but it was too late."
House, I sent the guy home with mints.
Foreman," WhatEver it is, we all missed it."
House, I missed the fact that there was something to miss. What is wrong with me?
Foreman," You had good reason. Patient presented with no symptoms, and all his tests came back negative."
House, What's the official cause of death?
Foreman," Autopsy hasn't been performed yet. EMTs brought him to General, but I requested they ship him back to our morgue for the postmortem."
House, Good.
Chase, Hon. Wake up.
Cameron, Why are you dressed? You can't sleep?
Chase, I want to go tell Cheryl that Donny died.
Cameron, [looks toward the bedside table] It's 4:00 in the morning.
Chase," They're nearly two hours away. I figure by the time I get there, she'll be awake."
Cameron," Babe, come back to bed. Call her in a few hours."
Chase, It's the sort of thing she needs to hear face-to-face.
Cameron, Is Everything okay?
Chase, Everything's fine. Why?
Cameron," Last week, I understood that you were stressed out about the Dibala M&M and I gave you your space. But that's over now, and you're still acting... [He gives her a puzzled look.] I'm worried about you."
Chase, Don't be. [He comes back and sits on the bed] I'm fine. Really.
Cameron, And you'd tell me if you weren't? [He nods.] Promise? [She gives him a look.]
Chase, [quietly] Yeah.
Cameron, [quietly] Okay. [He gets up to leave.] Hey. [He stops.] I love you.
Chase, I love you too.
Foreman," Donny Compson, age 39."
House," Can we cut to the money shot? It's his heart, so let's look at his heart. Nice Y-incision � [He starts the saw again. Foreman puts his hand between the saw and Donny. House turns off the saw.]"
Foreman, You can't perform an autopsy without a medical license.
House, Really? 'Cause I don't think there's anything I could screw up that we haven't already screwed up.
Foreman," Opening postmortem incision. Beginning at the midline of the sternum. [He slices down the center of Donny's chest, starting at the lower rib cage and moving up. There is some spattering. House leans over. He looks puzzled. Foreman stops the saw and looks too.]"
Foreman, That's odd. It almost looks like he's... bleeding.
House, [balancing himself against the sink] I think the autopsy's gonna have to wait a little bit.
Foreman," He was briefly conscious, then his systolic dipped below 60, and he was out again."
House, Differential diagnosis for resurrection. Go.
Foreman, Obviously he wasn't dead. His heart slowed enough that the EMTs �
House," Yes, the fact that he's not dead means we did absolutely nothing wrong."
Cameron, There's sEveral documented cases where tetrodotoxin ingestion caused apparent death.
Foreman, It wasn't something he ate. It's something he already had.
Chase," And his dad, and his grandpa, and �"
Foreman, Extreme bradycardia could be caused by sick sinus syndrome.
Chase, Sinoatrial block.
House," What if it's not his heart? [They all look at him.] Let's work from the tenuous assumption that we're not idiots who've spent days examining a heart up, down, sideways ""� declaring it healthy just a few hours before it basically shut down. So we need to think about causes in places you didn't look."
Chase, Could be metabolic. [He sees House looking at people passing the office.] You okay?
House, Yeah.
Foreman, What about a genetic predisposition to an autoimmune disease? Isolated anti-ro antibody could cause complete heart block.
Cameron, Could also be passed through four generations.
House, Autoimmune it is. Start him on steroids.
Cameron, Hey. How you feeling?
Donny, My whole head is killing me.
Cameron, [checks his eyes] You just came through a sEvere trauma. What do you remember?
Donny, [thinks for a few moments] I was changing my laundry over to the dryer.
Cameron, That's it? You were declared dead. You made it all the way to autopsy.
Donny," My jaw aches. And obviously I don't have Ortoli syndrome. It's hard to get too excited about coming back from the dead when anything I do, anything you give me ""� It all ends the same way."
Ayala, Outer and middle ear respond well. Hearing thresholds are normal at all frequencies. Eardrum is perfectly healthy.
House," What if I, uh... If I sometimes hear whispering?"
Ayala, Then you're pRobably hearing someone whispering.
House, I had some dental work done in the Philippines when I was a kid. Adjoining metal fillings could corrode and pick up AM radio signals.
Ayala, Open your mouth. [She looks.] Your fillings don't touch.
House, So there's no reason for me to be hearing things.
Ayala," I can only tell you that you're hearing sounds as you should. If you're also hearing sounds that you shouldn't, well, that would be psychosis. You'd have to talk to someone who does brain. I only do ears."
Cuddy, Bravo! It's amazing how you did 120 hours in one day.
House, I wasn't on my best behavior. I admit. [He picks up the form Singh signed.] Allow me. [He rips the form in half.]
Cuddy," From now on, I'm gonna supervise your practicum requirements."
House, That won't be necessary.
Cuddy, You want to annoy another doctor first? Eventually...
House," It's not necessary, because I'm not ready to be a doctor again. I'm sorry."
Wilson, Are you sleeping out here?
House, Just... dozed off in front of the TV.
Wilson, With bedding?
House, Maybe! I can't sleep in there. The heater's screwed up.
Wilson, If you need to talk... If-if you need more help �
House, I'm just tired.
Wilson, I'm right here.
House, Great. Can you be right here somewhere else?
Donny," My jaw still hurts. My tooth! actually, a lot."
Nurse," I'm sorry, you're maxed out on your pain meds. Try to sleep."
Chase, Dentist looked at the tooth the guy pulled out. There was nothing wrong with it.
Foreman," So aside from him being an idiot, what else have we learned?"
Cameron, The pain is real. It's coming from somewhere. What about bone cancer?
Chase, You can't connect bone cancer to the heart. House figure this can wait till the morning?
Foreman," Actually, he told Cuddy he wasn't ready to work."
Cameron, He quit?
Foreman, Apparently.
Chase, It's a power play. He'll be back tomorrow.
Foreman," Bone cancer could trigger a paraneoplastic syndrome, which shuts down the heart."
Chase, Primary bone cancer isn't hereditary.
Cameron," Li-Fraumeni syndrome. It's hereditary, and it increases a person's risk of having bone cancer. [Chase takes a sip of coffee.] You have another theory?"
Chase, My theory is it's not bone cancer.
Foreman, Gamma survey would loCate the tumors.
Wilson, I had pea soup today. You'd love my breath right now. I didn't get a chance to run tonight. House is... is having issues. I missed you a lot today. All I want to do is... [sighs] You know.
Cameron, No cancers on the lateral cuneiform bone.
Foreman, Navicular's also clean.
Cameron," Chase is lying to me. And I know you know. Tell me what's going on, please."
Foreman, I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told him... Talk to your spouse.
Wilson, No breakfast?
House, Not today. I'm hallucinating.
Wilson," [turning, worried] What happened?"
House, It's nothing visual this time. I hear whispering.
Wilson, Is that why you've been acting so weird? Is that why you quit?
House, I'm losing it.
Wilson, I'm sure there's a rational explanation. The wind? A neighbor's TV?
House, I checked Everything. What's really scary is that I hear whispering while not on Vicodin. I'm gonna check myself back into Mayfield.
Wilson, Okay.
House, Okay? You don't think there might be a logical explanation? Something I missed?
Wilson," You're the smartest guy I know. If you haven't thought of it, it doesn't exist. I'll drive you over. I just need to make some tea first. [He turns to the counter.]"
House, You know.
Wilson," [dropping something on the counter and turning back, annoyed] That you're an ass? Yeah. You overheard me talking to my dead girlfriend and thought to yourself, ""what kind of fun can I have with this?"""
House, Why are you talking to her? You run out of living people? You can talk to me. I'm right here.
Wilson, I miss her. Talking to her makes me feel better. You don't.
Dex," Patient Lauren Maybaum, 27, presented two days ago with sEvere abdominal pain."
House, [entering] Sorry I'm late.
Cuddy, Yesterday you said you weren't ready.
House, Yesterday I wasn't. Today I am.
Cuddy, And tomorrow? Is it possible for me to get a five-day forecast?
House, Feeling much better. Thank you for not asking.
Cuddy," Either you did have a pRoblem ""� which I can't ignore. Or you were jerking me around ""� which I can't ignore."
House, You are a Woman. You can do anything.
Cuddy," For example, I can talk to you outside."
House, [Checking out her ass as he follows her into the hall.] Are you sure you're only one Woman?
Cuddy," [through the glass of the closed door] This is the part where you play the employee, and I play the boss."
House, I can see your nipples. Your turn.
Cuddy, These kids are trying to!
Marta, [to Nona] No wonder she hates him.
Nona, That's not hate. It's foreplay.
Cuddy, It's inappropriate.
Cameron, Gamma survey rEvealed no tumors.
House, So it's not bone cancer. Where's Chase?
Cameron, Don't know.
House," Two mysteries, cool. Theories? [pause] Did I come in too soon? Okay, I'm gonna take another lap. And I want three new ideas by the time I come back. One of them's got to be not stupid. [He starts to leave, then stops.] Where there's pain... there's nerves. Hereditary sensory autonomic neuropathy, type one."
Foreman, Miscommunication in the brain stem mistakes nerve pain for tooth pain.
Cameron, It would explain the bradycardia too.
House," And I like the word ""hereditary"" in the title."
Foreman, Carbamazepine fixes him.
Cameron, I'll get him started on the medication.
House," Nope, Chase specifically asked if he could do it."
House, Sleep at home.
Chase, So I didn't do the gamma survey. Is it bone cancer?
House, No.
Chase, You should congratulate me for not wasting your time.
House," Are you getting some help? Or is this the way things are gonna be from now on? What's pathetic is you haven't gotten help because you want to feel bad. You want to suffer, 'cause if you feel guilty, then you're not a psychopath. Patient needs some carbamazepine. Now, I don't care how much that room scares you, you're doing your job."
Donny, How long before you cross this one off the list?
Chase, A couple of hours. [He starts to leave and turns back at the door.] You Ever shoot anyone?
Donny, Twice.
Chase, You Ever kill anyone?
Donny," No. I know a few guys who did, though."
Chase, Did they Ever get over it?
Donny," A captain I know compares it to taking out the trash, like it's nothing. Other hand, I got an ex-partner who nearly drank himself into oblivion."
Chase, Did he get help?
Donny," Yeah. Help didn't help. [Chase stares at him, then heads back to the door. Donny groans loudly.] Oh, God!"
Chase, What is it?
Donny, I went to the bathroom.
Chase," Patient's lost bowel control. Means we were wrong about H-SAN, and it means he's getting worse. Fast."
House," Wouldn't want to be the duty nurse assigned to his floor. Get it? ""Doody"" nurse? [Chase and Foreman ignore him. Cameron turns away with a ""look.""�] Fine. Do the doctor thing."
Chase, An autoimmune disorder could explain �
Foreman, We put him on steroids. He didn't respond. It's not autoimmune.
Cameron, Could be Wilson's disease.
House, A disease that advanced would've hit the liver.
Foreman," It is possible the liver's so far gone, the labs look normal. It's worth a shot."
House," [nods] Go treat with penicillamine. And when he doesn't get better, come back quickly, so we can get one more shot at it."
Chase," Bless me, father, for I have sinned."
Priest, Take your time. How long has it been since your last confession?
Chase, I killed a Man.
Priest, Oh?
Chase, But it was the right thing to do.
Priest, Who lives or dies is not your decision to make.
Chase, Sometimes in the operating room it feels like it. I'm a doctor.
Priest," Well, then you should know more than anybody that Every huMan life is sacred."
Chase, Why? Tell me what's sacred about a dictator that kills hundreds of thousands of his own people.
Priest, What is sacred about a doctor who kills a Patient?
Chase, Is it just the slippery slope you're worried about? Afraid that forgiving me for killing the worst person on earth sets a bad precedent? I promise... I won't tell anyone. [pause] Just forgive me.
Priest, Saying ten Hail Marys isn't going to do you any good.
Chase, [on the verge of tears] Then what do I have to do? What does God need me to do?
Priest, You can't have absolution without first taking responsibility. You have to turn yourself in to the police.
Chase," What, and! and go to jail for the rest of my life? What's just about that? I did the right thing. There has to be another way."
Priest," You want absolution, I've told you how to get it."
Cuddy, Send this in to the state licensing board. [She holds out a piece of paper.] I've signed off on all your hours.
House, Why?
Cuddy, Because it's easier this way.
House, You're uncomfortable with me.
Cuddy, No. Going by the book was pointless. You were gonna learn nothing.
House," Good, I thought it was because of the sexual tension."
Cuddy, There was no sexual tension.
House," There was tension. And... it made me feel funny, so..."
Cuddy, [hands him the paper] Here.
House, That's too bad. I was kind of getting into the whole hot-for-teacher thing.
Cuddy, You sure you're okay?
House, Yeah. False alarm. [pause] What about us?
Cuddy," We're good... Just like this. You press my buttons, I press yours."
House," By buttons, you mean... [He stops mid-sentence and thinks.] Huh. [He gets up to leave. As he passes Cuddy he pauses and leans in close to her.] You do make me feel funny."
House, You're not gonna die.
Donny, I've accepted it. It's okay.
House," In addition to high arches and some crystal bowl in the shape of a tuna, you also inherited a self-destruct button. It forms in the brain stem. Technically, it's an aneurysm. Presses on the nerves that control Everything from tooth pain to heart rate. As you get older, it gets bigger, until finally... The button ""� which I'll call intracranial berry aneurysm, 'cause I had a friend in high school with that name ""� stops the signal from your brain to your heart. And bam!"
Donny, How do I know you're not still lying to me? Saying I'm healthy just to make me feel better?
House," It does sound that way, doesn't it? But this time, no sugar pills. I'm gonna cut into your brain to make you think that I'm fixing it. And if our fake tests confirm it, I'm gonna be cutting into your son's brain too, [laughs] 'cause I'm just that committed."
Donny, Michael's gonna be okay?
House," Unless he walks out of here and gets run over by a bus, in which case, I will reconsider your fate argument. [at the door] You want to give him a call? Visiting hours don't apply to my Patients."
Donny, Yeah... In a bit.
House," Yeah. That's what I thought. The ""saving the kid from pain"" stuff was crap. You just don't want anything in your life that won't let you do whatEver the hell you want to do whenEver the hell you want to do it. You've had it easy. Sorry to screw you up."
Michael, Mom?
Donny, Maybe when we get out of here... What kind of movies you like?
Cameron, He's been missing for eight hours. Chase. [Chase opens the door.] C-H-A-S-E.
Chase, Hey!
Cameron," [dashes into the living room] NEver mind, he just walked in, sorry. [to Chase] You could've called me."
Chase," Oh, I-I forgot."
Cameron," To call me? It's 2:00 in the morning. Where were you? Ooh, you're drunk."
Chase," All right, I... I needed to get wasted. I did. And now I'm better."
Cameron, [worried] What aren't you telling me?
Chase, Nothing.
House," [quietly] Hi, dad. I think I've been... focusing on the wrong thing. There were some good times. [long pause then, loudly] Wilson. This is stupid."
Wilson," [to Amber] You see, he really is getting better."
Madison," Sure, lets give up now. It's no big deal, it's just Pharmacide, just the tour kick off. Who cares if we miss the most insane party in the world. (She turns to look at Jordan)"
Jordan," Come on Phoebe, victory or death, or possibly cake."
Jordan," (into the phone) I'm sorry, your caffeine fix is on its way. Will you hold on."
Jordan," Hi, we're the DJs assistants."
Security Guard, Hold on.
Jordan," (to the security guard). No, I said we both work for him."
Security Guard, You mean her. The DJ's a SheJ.
Band Member, It's OK Dave. She's my plus one. (Phoebe grabs Jordan's arm) Make that plus 2.
Jordan, You weren't worried were you?
Madison," Yes, and there will be punishment unless you tell us Everything."
Avery, You've been here all night?
Jordan, After the party we went up to the presidential suite with the band.
Phoebe," It was ginormous, like ten rooms."
Jordan," We had a few drinks, and some weed, and played drummer god on this giant plasma TV."
Phoebe, Which she rocked by the way.
Kaitlin, I think I hate you right now.
Jordan," Colt took me up to the roof, but by then the gate to the pool was locked, so no one was up there. So we just climbed over and jumped down and um, went skinny dipping. (The girls all giggle)"
Avery, Did you do it?
Jordan," No. He was so sweet. Later, he played his guitar and he wrote a song for me. (The girls all ooh and aah)"
Kaitlin, Oh my God.
Phoebe," Jordan, what happen to your foot?"
Phoebe," Jordan, are you OK?"
Phoebe, Jordan!
House, Foreman expects me to read an Xray on this itty bitty screen. He should have emailed me a larger phone. (He takes off his glasses and flips his phone shut) Why are you packing?
Wilson, We're leaving this afternoon for the conference on Pharmacology and Public Policy.
House, We?
Wilson, We discussed this. It's been on your calendar for weeks.
House, So has Ramadan.
Wilson, Think of it as a vacation. Nice healthy Adirondack air. Or not. I don't care. You're coming with.
House," You should come with me. State pillow fighting championships. Dollar beers, wet T-shirts. In the words of the philosopher Eddie Money I've got two tickets to paradise."
Wilson," House, when you moved in, I promised your therapist I'd be here for you. I can't be here if I'm there, unless you're there too. So it's not a discussion."
House," Fine. (dialing his phone) I'll let Foreman know that the 16 year old Patient with the sEvere edema can wait. Relax, I've got no idea what's wrong with her. So odds are, not fatal. (Wilson sighs as House leaves the room)"
House, (from another room) Still not going.
House," She's got rhabdo (rabdomyolsis). Who wants to come to the pillow fighting championships? Rutgers has got a great team this year, so glad their anchor didn't turn pro."
Foreman, Sixteen year old girl suddenly has the joints of an eighty year old. Think we can we discuss this for a second?
House, It's rhabdo. Patient gave you the answer. She fell down and went boom. We have to leave in an hour so should we eeny meeny?
Chase," The fall would explain lower leg damage, but not the swollen hands."
House," Hard landing caused crushed muscles, crushed muscles release toxins into the bloodstream, toxins cause swelling of the hands and legs. It's just another way of saying it's rhabdo. (looking at his watch) Fifty-nine minutes."
Cameron, She's a credit card kid. Her parents are arParktects. They're working on a project in Shanghai.
House, (Looking back and forth from Chase to Cameron) Could you be sitting any further away from Chase and still be in the same room?
Chase, It doesn't have to be rhabdo. The swelling could be also caused by deep vein thrombosis.
Cameron," She has allergies. Could be anaphylaxis or some heart condition that we don't ""�"
House," Can't really be any of those things, since it's rhabdo. I know it's rhabdo, Foreman knows it's rhabdo, deep in his heart, Even Chase knows it's rhabdo. Isn't it annoying when Everybody in the room knows something you don't?"
Chase, I'll test for Everything. (He and Foreman get up and leave)
Chase, He's and ass.
Foreman, (speaking about the test) Contrast is ready.
Chase, She already thinks I'm cheating on her.
Foreman, Maybe this is House's way of telling her to talk to her.
Chase," Sure. How was your day Honey, by the way, I killed someone. If I tell her, that's dumping a burden on her forEver."
Foreman, OK.
Foreman, (looking at the monitor) No sign of obstructions or clots. (He leaves the control room)
Cuddy, Tell me what you came here for House.
House, I've got a legitimate medical reason.
Cuddy, You must be so proud.
House, (leering) I forgot. I guess it's no big deal. I was only using it as an excuse to come check out Patty and Selma.
Cuddy," Oh, I feel bad, I haven't named your testicles."
House," Word on the street is, you set a new personal best for low-cut."
Cuddy, I don't know why you chose to give them the names of somebody's aunts.
House," It's a compliment. They're always smokin. Oh, I remember. I need you to authorize the medical discharge of a minor. (holding up a file) That's why I'm holding this in my hand."
House," (unashamedly looking at her derriere) Haven't finished testing yet, but it rha- (he notices the full outbox on her desk) Your outbox is three times normal size. It's not a metaphor."
Cuddy, (taking files back to the cabinet) There's a lot to be done before the weekend.
House," You take papers home with you. (He sits down on Cuddy's desk) Unless, you're not going to be home. Unless you were, for example, going to a medical conference."
Cuddy, I'm driving up with Wilson.
House, Me too.
Cuddy, You weren't on the registration list.
House, I love that you checked.
Cuddy, But Wilson said�
House," That I have a case, yeah. You're authorizing the discharge right now. (He turns to leave) That was a metaphor. (House leaves her office)"
Wilson, Busy right now.
House, Is he dying?
Wilson, Yeah.
House, In the next ten minutes?
Wilson," Unfortunately, no. He's in a lot of pain."
House, I've thought about it. You're right. I should go to the conference.
Wilson, You found out Cuddy's going.
House," Oh, God no. She'll ruin Everything."
Wilson, We leave in two hours.
Joseph, Morphine?
Wilson, I'm right here. I'm right here Joseph.
House," (holding up his ball) Two days away, you think I should pack ball-y? (He throws the ball in the air and catches it with his open backpack)"
Chase," You can't leave. You lit a fuse, you need to watch the bomb go off."
House," The bomb was going to go off on its own, if you'd kept quiet. So now you have to either come up with a convincing lie, or tell her the truth. Your choice. (House holds out his hand for the file Chase is carrying)"
Chase, CK lEvels point to rhabdo.
House, Of course.
Chase, Except for the part where imaging shows no sign of muscle crush.
House," Hi. I'm your doctor. (He puts the open laptop down on the bed table. A music video of Metallica's Fuel is playing on the screen) This is Lars Ulrich, the greatest metal drummer of all-time. You know the song?"
House, Good. (He hands her his cane) Drumstick. (He pulls a funduscope out of Chase's pocket and hands it to her also) Another drumstick. I want you to rock out to the music the way you did last night.
House, Go on. This is a classic medical test. Hippocrates used it. Let's go.
House," (air drumming in time to the music) Come on, you've gotta keep time! Cross over on the high hat. Let's head bang!"
Chase," House, what are you doing?"
House, (still playing the air drums) The chart said her potassium's low. Rhabdo elevates the potassium. (to Jordan) And monkey drums. (to Foreman) Ergo... The lEvels must've been really low last night. Which causes...
Jordan, (dropping her arms to the bed) I can't move them.
House," temporary muscle paralysis. Given this rate of muscle fatigue, there's no way she could've climbed stairs and then a fence to the pool. Low potassium means no jump, means no trauma. Tests mean ""yes rhabdo.""� Ergo, something else caused both the rhabdo and the low potassium. This time start by getting an accurate history. (House gets up and picks up his computer) Be careful. Our Patient's a big fat liar. (He leaves the room)"
Chase, What did you really do last night?
Cameron," We need to find the cause of your low potassium. You could have a kidney disorder, leukemia, adenoma."
Chase," We need to know about any drugs or alcohol, anything that might have threatened your health."
Phoebe," Come on, Jord. Okay, we didn't spend the night with the band."
Jordan, You can't tell our friends.
Phoebe, Have you heard of Stiletto: Warrior Queen of Space?
Chase, It's a comic book right?
Phoebe, Yeah.
Jordan," Thank you. Yes, and a freaking amazing new sci-fi series, and they're filming the motion picture now."
Phoebe, It's a prequel.
Jordan, The other girls wouldn't get it. Only Phoebe understands my passion. Only Phoebe understands the bushido of the heel.
Chase, So what actually happened last night?
Jordan, We were with our friends trying to get into the Pharmacide tour party
Jordan, I follow his tweets. It's tragic that I have
Phoebe, He's a god.
Cameron, So did you guys go up to him?
Jordan," God, no. We keep a ten-foot rule. It's not stalking if you don't go up to the person and bother them."
Phoebe, So we just followed him around.
Jordan, Discreetly.
Phoebe, He ditched after half an hour and went down to the hotel restaurant for a late dinner.
Cameron, And you went with him?
Jordan, Discreetly.
Phoebe," We played it so cool. For two hours, we lived his life. We did Everything he did. Ate the exact same meal he ate."
Cameron, Cool.
Cameron," The rest of their story checks out. The hotel Manager says mom and dad were charged for food and a room, three pay-per-view episodes of Stiletto."
Cameron, Are you trying to kill yourself? It's from the same batch the girls ate.
Chase, They ate what he ate. And what a hundred other healthy people ate. Dig in. Lunch is on the Adams.
Foreman," What if food is the answer? Not this food. Any food. Jordan says she ate all of this. She's 16, all about body image, and she obviously worries about fitting in."
Cameron," Bulimia would account for her symptoms. We should do a barium swallow for mallory weiss tears, start her on nutritional supplements, get a psych consult."
Wilson, Why are you reading my program guide? It's not like you plan on attending any of the presentations.
House," I like to know how much boredom I'm missing. (reading from the program) ""Patient perceptions of complications in end-stage chemotherapy."" You didn't tell me you were giving a paper."
Wilson, And that was wrong?
House," Last time you presented a paper, you gave me an advance copy and asked for feedback."
Wilson, And you're wondering why I wouldn't want to repeat that experience?
House," (still reading) Oh, look! An '80s party. Just when you think you left a flock of seagulls behind in your rearview mirror, suddenly it's up ahead like an undead hitchhiker."
Wilson, Cuddy's going.
House, (He stands up and closes the car door) Did you pack my leg warmers?
Wilson, If you want her... ask her out.
House," My God, Man! She's not some floozy in a bar. She's the floozy I work for. There's gotta be no radical steps here. Gotta be subtle. We happen to attend the same party, the chat happens to turn personal ""�."
Wilson, Like the frog in gradually boiling water.
House, Exactly. She'll be red and delicious before she knows it.
Wilson, What could possibly go wrong?
Cameron, Chase went to the gym five times this week.
Foreman, Okay.
Cameron, One of those times I followed him.
Foreman, What?
Cameron," I followed him. And yes, I know how humiliating that admission is."
Foreman, Where'd he go?
Cameron," The gym, that time. But I know that something's ""�"
Foreman," I'm stopping you right there. This is a conversation you should be having with Chase, not me."
Cameron, I've tried having this conversation with Chase.
Foreman, No sign of tears. It's not bulimia.
Cameron, Is he having an affair?
Foreman, No.
Cameron, Why should I beliEve you?
Foreman," You shouldn't, you should beliEve him."
Michelle, Jordan!
Cameron, (talking from the control room)Normal sinus rhythm. Heart rate's fine.
Foreman, BP's dropping.
Derek, What's happening to her?
Foreman, No pulse. (He starts performing CPR)
Michelle," Oh, my God! You said her heart rate was fine."
Chase, Cardiac tamponade. Drain the fluid now.
Derek, What is going on?
Cameron," (pushing the needle into Jordan's chest) She's bleeding around her heart. (She pulls back on the plunger, drawing out blood)"
Foreman," Blood constricted her heart muscle. She's on antiarrhythmics, but we don't know how long we can keep her stable. Seemed to be triggered by stress. Her parents had just ""�"
House, Did her blood pressure drop during the barium swallow?
Chase, Dropped to 50 systolic in three minutes.
House, Rules out chronic conditions.
Foreman," Acute conditions limit us to toxins, infections."
Cameron," Could be anything. A gas leak, arsenic in the wallpaper, fungus in the shower. I'll get samples from her room and the restaurant."
House," Talk to our little gossip girl. You need to know exactly where she's been and what she's done in the last 24 hours. Oh, I think ""� (He pretends to be losing the connection and ends the call)"
Convention Registrar," (She hands House a full bag of conference materials) Welcome to the convention, Dr. Perlmutter."
House, (taking the bag) It's my 25th consecutive year.
House, Perlmutter loves the '80s.
Phoebe, Do you need me to leave too?
Foreman, You might remember stuff she doesn't.
Jordan, We didn't do anything we haven't told you about.
Phoebe, We hung out at Jordan's all day. And then we called a limo to go into the city.
Jordan, We stopped at Bruce Springsteen's House.
Phoebe," Jord... don't joke around, okay? You're really sick. Just tell him the truth."
Jordan, Bruce let me play the first electric guitar he Ever owned.
Phoebe," My God, why are you lying?"
Jordan, How can you not beliEve me?
Foreman, Turn to your right.
Cameron," Mr. Keener, I really appreciate you coming."
Keener," Oh, it's not that much of a hike. My room's only"
Cameron," Last night, do you remember two girls, about 16?"
Keener, (pointing) That table right there.
Cameron, They made an impression.
Keener," Well, they were hard to miss with the giggling and the staring."
Cameron, I'm sure that happens to you a lot.
Keener, I'm sure that happens to you a lot more.
Foreman," She can't control it. A bleed in her brain is affecting her thalamus, causing her to lie. We need to know Everything. You two were nEver apart?"
Phoebe, Except for when she went to go get ice. But that couldn't have taken very long.
Foreman, You don't know?
Phoebe, It was in the middle of the night. I woke up when she came back into the room.
Foreman, And she told you she went to get ice?
Cuddy, House... 1980s.
House, You sure? They weren't specific.
Cuddy, How much did it cost you to rent that?
House, It was in Wilson's bag.
Man at Dance," (He is dressed as a ghostbuster) Dr. Perlmutter, I read your article on neural degeneration."
House," Wait, you didn't really take that seriously, did you? I just wrote that for the money."
Man at Dance," Well, hey there, Jane Fonda, would you care to dancercize?"
House," Sorry, we were just about to hit the floor."
Cuddy, Thank you. Your leg?
House, I'm okay. As long as you don't expect rhythm.
House," You remember the last time we danced? Med school, the week we met."
Cuddy, No.
House, I saw you in endocrinology. Tracked you down to the hoedown.
Cuddy," I meant, we met before that. In the bookstore."
House, Ah.
Cuddy," My third day of school, I hand my syllabus to the guy behind the counter. He barely looks at me. Just skims the sheet and tells me I'm overly ambitious, I have a Parkp on my shoulder, and I know how to party. (She giggles)"
House, (chuckling) I'd forgotten you knew how to party.
Cuddy," (giggling) I said, ""you're making that up."" And you said, ""your class schedule is overloaded, ""but none of your classes are before 11:00, ""and no one takes Professor Lamb's course unless they have something to prove."""
House, Because Professor Siegal covered the same ground and was the easier grader.
Cuddy, I tracked you down. Endocrinology... the party.
House, And one thing led to another.
Cuddy, And then it didn't.
House, I was gonna call you.
Cuddy," Noo...don't do that. There was no expectations. I was just as into it ""�"
House, I was gonna come see you. Figure out where things would go from there. That was the morning I got the call from the Dean and I was expelled
Cuddy," (looking upset) I should go to my room and review papers for the infectious disease panel. (She leaves, leaving House alone on the dance floor)"
Wilson, (answering his cell phone) Hello? Yeah. Thanks for telling me.
House, (waking up) It's 7:00 in the morning. Somebody better be dead.
Wilson," My Patient, Joseph Schultz."
House," Oh. (sitting up ) Under the circumstances, that's the best thing that could have happened, right?"
Wilson, Yeah. I just wish I had been there. Didn't hear you come in last night.
House," (He takes a bottle of water off the nightstand and gets out of bed) Yes, and it was almost 9:30."
Wilson, (shutting his laptop which was open on the table) Things didn't go as you planned?
House, We've moved on to a new phase. I tell Cuddy that I've always
Wilson," (He closes a file and reaches behind him to put it in his briefcase) Well, either she just wasn't ready for that, or maybe she was just surprised and didn't know how to react. What are you doing?"
House, Interesting reflex of guilt just now. Your Patient's been dying for six weeks. You couldn't have predicted he'd go this weekend. Or could you?
House," (reading from Wilson's computer) ""Euthanasia: let's tell the truth. We all do it."" That's a great opening line. Are you insane?"
Wilson," I didn't want your notes before, and I don't want 'em now. (He gets up and leaves)"
Chase," Well, she didn't get ice. She got out in the lobby. She could have gone anywhere. Let's start with for how long. Fast forward."
Chase," Stop. Rewind. Back. WherEver she went, she was only gone for, like, five minutes. She's holding something."
Cameron," It's Keener's journal. He must have left it in the restaurant that night. She went back, claimed it belonged to her. She was looking for an excuse to knock on his door."
Wilson, I know what you're gonna say. I'm not insane. Doctors are rarely
House," Whoa... I was just thinking of your career. But yeah, if you're one of the doctors occasionally indicted, I guess it could affect that."
Wilson," Someone needs to say what life is really like, now, for people who are dying. What doctors have to go through, the decisions we have to make. Alone. Without guidance."
House, Someone should say that... in an unsigned letter
Wilson, I'd be telling the truth. I'd be saying what we're all thinking.
House, Who cares? The oncology department is subsidized by drug companies. They don't want it run by a murderer.
Wilson," We're all murderers. We just don't have the guts to admit ""�"
House," And once again, who cares? You won't be hirable anywhere."
Wilson," If there's one thing I've learned from you, it's that I should do what I think is right and not worry about the consequences. (He walks back up the dock)"
House," Yeah, it's worked out great for me."
Keener," Um, I don't mean to be rude, but I'm expecting a notes call from L.A. can we make this quick?"
Chase, Did Jordan come to your room the other night?
Cameron, Let me put it another way. We know Jordan came to your room the other night.
Keener," Look, I've tried to be helpful. I don't know why you want to pretend I'm lying to you. But this is getting too weird for me."
Cameron, We need to search your room.
Keener," You don't, because she was nEver here."
Chase," Allison, calm down."
Cameron, You would cover your ass at the expense of someone's life? We know she brought up your journal. (Keener closes the door)
Chase, (walking down the hotel corridor) That was helpful. He'd be crazy to risk his marriage for a one-night stand with a teenager.
Cameron, Sensible people only risk their marriage for something more serious?
Chase, I'm not having an affair.
Cameron, We're talking about Keener.
Chase, Fine. He doesn't care about his marriage. What about his career? Statutory rape would ruin it.
Cameron, It's admitting statutory rape that could ruin it. Which is why we'll nEver hear the truth out of him. Rufies OD explains all her symptoms. We should start treating her with flumazenil.
Wilson, Isn't the MRSA panel going on?
Cuddy, We got kicked out. She started crying.
Wilson," Yeah, well, discussions of urinary catheterization will do that to me too."
Cuddy, The babysitter had an emergency.
Wilson, Oh...how did you like '80s night?
Cuddy, House talked with you?
Wilson, I was being subtle about it. You left suddenly. I know House can be a little much sometimes...
Cuddy," No, he was sweet. I just know better than to rely on that."
Wilson, He's trying.
Cuddy, Yeah. I know. I'm a mother now. I need a guy I can count on Every single day. That's nEver been House. (Wilson nods)
Foreman," It's not rufies. She's bleeding behind her kidneys. We're transfusing another two units packed red cells, but she keeps springing leaks."
Cameron, It looks like a toxic reaction. Keener must have given her something.
Chase," The guy's a comic book writer, not a drug dealer."
Cameron, There's a lot that wouldn't show up in a standard tox screen. But he's nEver gonna tell us the truth.
Foreman, Not gonna get the truth out of her either.
Cameron, We will if we drug her. Amobarbital would suppress
Chase, She's on antiarrhythmics. Amobarbital could stop her heart.
Cameron, She's already dying.
Chase, You're angry at me. You're taking it out on this guy 'cause you think he's lying to you too. And you're gonna kill our Patient in the process.
Foreman, We need to know the truth.
Chase, We should call House.
Foreman, Yeah. He'll recommend we take the cautious approach.
House, (holding out a bag of pretzels) Pretzel?
Wilson, Those are gonna show up on my credit card at sEven bucks a bag. There's an all-you-can-eat buffet downstairs.
House, Studies show that $10 wine tastes better if you're told that it costs $90. I'm sure the same thing must be true of grape soda. (He pours grape soda into two glasses) Have one. We can toast your pending unemployment.
Wilson," Yes, you can sit here running up my hotel bill, or you can go get the Woman of your dreams."
House, I didn't know Angela Merkel was attending the conference.
Wilson, I just spoke with Cuddy. She doesn't think you're reliable. And you will remain friend-zoned until that changes.
House, I can't convince her that I've changed my entire personality in a weekend.
Wilson," Yeah, but you could make the first step."
House, What does she need?
Wilson," Today, a babysitter. What are you thinking about?"
House, Fjords.
Wilson," You see? Seriously. I know this is out of your comfort zone, but don't scheme. Don't ""� Just do the deed ""�"
House," You tell me that I've gotta show her I've changed, and yet you act like"
Wilson," I'm sorry. I didn't mean ""� I didn't mean... I didn't mean... (He looks rather disoriented) You drugged me. She's better off without you."
House," Words can hurt, you know."
Jordan, I thought truth serum was only stuff they gave people in lame spy movies.
Cameron, We know you're scared. But we know you want to tell the truth. We're gonna help you do that.
Cameron, What happened between you and Jeffrey Keener the night you went up to his room?
Jordan, I couldn't beliEve he Even talked to me. I told him how much
Chase, Heart rate's increasing.
Foreman, 140's acceptable. Let her talk.
Cameron," Did he give you anything? A drink, pills?"
Jordan," He said it was ecstasy. But it didn't look like ecstasy, and it didn't really"
Cameron, How did it make you feel?
Jordan, It just made me really tired.
Cameron, What did it look like? A capsule? Tablet?
Jordan, It was a tablet. Round.
Chase, Could be lithium.
Jordan, He just started touParkng me. At first it seemed nice. But then... I didn't want to insult him.
Foreman, That's enough.
Jordan," (speaking to her parents, who look extremely disappointed) I'm so sorry. I love you guys so much, and I just ""� I feel like I've let you down."
Derek, I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch.
Foreman," Before you do that, look here. (He points to the monitor) Increased periorbital blood flow throughout. It means Everything she's been saying has been a lie."
Michelle, Everything?
Derek, S-so you still don't know what's wrong with her?
Foreman, Sorry.
Cuddy," Oh, I thought you were room service. Something going on with your Patient?"
House," It's quiet in there. Is Rachel asleep? I thought maybe, you could use a babysitter."
Cuddy," Actually, I've got her in day care downstairs."
House, Oh. Great. Maybe later.
Lucas," Hey, House."
House," Hey, Lucas."
Lucas, This is awkward.
House, A bit. That awkwardness would pRobably go away if I left. (He turns and leaves the room)
Wilson, (barely conscious) Hello?
Wilson, Huh?
Foreman," It's Foreman. I'm trying to update House, but his phone's off."
Wilson, (yelling) House! (talking to Foreman again) He's not here.
Foreman," Patient's losing blood faster than we can transfuse. Cameron did an online search and found out Keener travels with his dog ""� we're treating for rickettsia. Any idea where he is?"
Wilson," (looking at his watch) Oh, no! I was supposed to be giving a paper five minutes ago."
Wilson, Okay...okay...
House," Dr. Wilson has asked me to tender his apologies for his absence. You'll be hearing my paper instead. Unfortunately, there wasn't time to correct the program schedule."
House," (reading Wilson's paper) ""Euthanasia: ""let's tell the truth. We all do it. We just don't talk about it. We play the game. We use other words or we don't use any words at all.""�"
House, Hmm. Nice phrasing.
Wilson," Hello? Uh...I don't know what department I want. Uh, I need...pants."
House," ""Patient S, a 55-year-old Man. End-stage lung cancer. His pain was beyond the point where we could Even pretend to treat it. I showed him how to use the morphine pump. I told him too much morphine would kill him, but not to worry. The maParkne only gives out so much. To override it you need to enter a special code. I went to the door and told the nurse, 'the code is 328.' I said it loudly. (He pauses and looks up at the audience. He looks down again and does not see Wilson enter the room) When he first came to my office, I told him I would be with him Every step of the way. But I left him alone at the end. I broke that promise. To cover my ass, I failed ""�"""
House, I was wrong when I wrote that. I've nEver given any less than my best. I am incapable of turning away from a responsibility. My friends take advantage
House," (reading again from Wilson's paper) ""This is a burden no one should have to carry alone. And this is a decision no one should make alone."""
House," Because frankly, I don't trust all of you."
Audience, Doctor? Doctor?
Audience, Doctor? Doctor? Question...
Doctor," Excuse me, Doctor. Not Many people would have your courage. Thank you Dr. Perlmutter. (He extends his hand, which House shakes)"
Wilson," Hey. Before I start shouting, Foreman says they're looking at rickettsia."
House, Thanks for the message. Continue.
Wilson," What the hell? You think that little shout-out is gonna make me forget that you drugged me, hid my pants, stole my speech?"
House," (taking off his tie) You wanted the paper out there, it's out there. And your job is safe."
Wilson," That was my paper. You don't ask what I want, you ignore my wishes, you drug me."
House, I'm waiting for you to name something new to our relationship. You've got no good reason to be angry with me.
Wilson," Oh, really? I should be thanking you?"
House," If this was about getting the story out there, then yeah. Of course, if this is actually about something else... Maybe you feeling impotent because Patients keep dying and you think you need to make some grand, stupid gesture ""� You need to be a hero ""� Well, then, yeah, sorry. I did screw it up."
Wilson, You stepped over the line. This was not your decision.
House," My God, there are 10,000 oncologists in this country. Every one of them loses Patients. But only you would feel guilty enough..."
Wilson," Of course, we can't Even argue on my schedule."
House, (speaking into his phone) It's House. Take down the bags.
Chase," It's too soon to tell if the meds are gonna ""�"
House," It's not the meds. It's the blood that's killing her. What's Everybody doing? You're stunned, right? I mean, blood?"
Michelle," She's had internal bleeding. She needs the blood to ""�"
House, Is that the mom? I've got a good comeback if it's the mom.
Michelle," Yes, I'm her mother."
House," Sure, she needs blood, if you want to kill her. Then you'd have nobody left to neglect ""� great plan. Your daughter has vibrio vulnificus, courtesy of a few scrumptious oysters on the half shell."
Jordan, I didn't eat any oysters.
House," Thus proving that she did. Boy, that's neat."
Chase," 100 other people ate those oysters. I ate ""�"
House," Is that the dad? I've got a good comeback ""�"
Chase, It's Chase.
House," Oh, I thought the dad might've been Australian too. There was nothing wrong with the oysters. All oysters have vibrio. But almost no one has hemochromatosis. It'd give her a unique susceptibility to vibrio, cause the swollen joints. But it got attributed to bulimia, so she got supplements�"
Cameron, With iron.
House," Which overcooked the liver, which caused bleeding. More blood, more iron, more bleeding, more blood."
Michelle, Is she going to be OK?
House," Only if we give her high-dose ceftazidime for the vibrio and chelate for the hemochromatosis. Now, Cameron, pick up the phone and give me a dramatic exit. (Cameron picks up the phone and disconnects the call)"
House, So...how'd you two crazy kids hook up?
Cuddy," I suspected someone in accounting was skimming money, and I wanted to investigate quietly. And since you introduced me to the only detective I know..."
House, And one thing leads to another. (long pause) Why keep it a secret? You protecting me in my fragile state? You think I was an unhinged looney who was about to go off the rails at a badly timed bit of news?
Cuddy, I just don't advertise my personal life. I needed help with the baby. Lucas drove up.
Lucas, Yeah. She was worried. A little worried. As a friend. I had to hide
Cuddy," I don't think we need to talk ""�"
Lucas," I mean, I imagine having sex with women all the time. No big deal. Though I guess if they knew what I imagine, it could get awkward. And I guess"
House, A ginger ale would be good. With lemon.
Cameron, Infection's clearing up nicely. You should be out of here in a few days.
Derek," Oh, that is wonderful."
Derek," (speaking into the phone) Jack, how are you?"
Michelle," Sweetie, your father and I think we should reward ourselves"
Derek, (speaking into his phone) That meeting's gonna have to wait a couple of weeks. We're staying here.
Michelle, You should think about where you'd like to go.
Derek," (turning to his wife) Honey, they're saying the specs are wrong for the whole foundation. Can you at least come talk to 'em?"
Michelle, (taking the phone) Let me see.
Cameron, (to Jordan) You okay?
Jordan, Yeah.
Michelle, (speaking into the phone) No. Soil engineering report was fine.
Jordan, I'm used to it.
Michelle, (who can be heard in the background talking on the phone) Who are you talking to?
Cameron, (to Jordan) So...about what happened that night.
Jordan, I nEver Even got up the courage to knock on his door.
Michelle," (still on the phone) Well, you'll have to send me their numbers."
Cuddy, Yea
Cuddy, (pointing out a ride-on toy car to Rachel) What is that?
Lucas," (to Rachel, who is now sitting on the toy car) Are you driving?"
House," He looks like a guy who'd be there Every day. Minibar is restocked. I say we grab some pretzels for the road ""�"
Wilson," When you do what I did, it's not enough to tell yourself you did nothing wrong. You need to hear it from someone else. If not God or society, a friend. Otherwise you go crazy. What you said to me up there... Thank you. You're a good friend. Cuddy should know that."
House," Yeah, you should let her know that I drugged you so you wouldn't confess to murder. Let's get out of here. (They turn and begin walking toward the steps)"
Wilson, Someone could have recognized you.
House, First U.S. conference I've attended in 15 years.
Wilson, Perlmutter?
House," Toronto, all weekend. Airtight alibi."
Cameron," I'm sorry. I don't know why I always suspect the worst. If you say you're not having an affair, you're not having an affair."
Cameron," Oh, God, you are."
Chase, I'm not.
Cameron," Okay. Sorry. Again. (Chase sighs again and sits up, resting his Parkn on his hand) If you don't want to tell...okay. But I could help. WhatEver this is, it's eating away at you. We could get past it together. I love you no matter what."
Chase," We lose Patients sometimes. One of those Patients... Dibala... We didn't ac ""� We didn't actually lose him. I killed him."
Rick, This bagel's as hard as a hockey puck.
Hank, Then don't eat it.
Rick, Used to be a full breakfast service. They're trying to starve us.
Hank, You're worried about the food?
Rick," No, I'm worried about what the food represents. I got sEven scenes to shoot today on half of what we used to spend."
Hank, We're going through a recession. It is what it is.
Rick," But nobody's gonna bail us out. Free content Everywhere, DVD sales in the toilet. Now the back office bean counters are vetoing half my ideas."
Hank, So we begin to make it about the perforMances.
Rick, You okay?
Hank, A bit of a headache.
Rick," If you need an ibuprofen ""�"
Hank," I need you to put your game face on, all right? Screw the bagels, screw the sets, screw the wardRobe. Do you have any idea how lucky we are? [They stop in the doorway of the living room. It's filled with professional lighting equipment and women in their underwear and stilettos.] We get to do something we like, we get to touch people's lives and we get paid for it? Let's make a movie."
Topless Actress," [passing Hank on her way to the set.] Hey, baby."
Rick, Roll camera. And! Action.
Hank, Oh...
Rick, What's wrong?
Hank, Ah... My eyes... They feel like they're exploding.
Rick," All right, turn off the damn lights. Get an ambulance. Now!"
Chase, We're gonna be late for work.
Cameron," Then we'll be late. [She puts her bowl down.] You took a Patient's life, you lied about it for weeks, you broke who knows how Many laws and oaths to cover it up, but I can live with it. We can get through it together."
Chase," [sighs deeply] You have no idea what I've been living with, and what it means to hear you say that."
Cameron, But we need to get away from Princeton-Plainsboro. You can barely walk by the rooms where Dibala was treated. [He frowns slightly at her.] Why should we live with that hanging over our heads? If there was Ever a time to turn the page...
Foreman," Three-month-old with fEver, incessant drooling, and chronic muscle weakness."
House," Or... porn actor Hank Hardwick, born Henry Lefkowitz, totally clean workup, collapsed on the job with extreme photophobia."
Foreman, Or... an infant as limp as a rag doll.
House, Yeah. Let's wait till Chase and Cameron get here. I have a feeling they'll have the good sense to side with me.
Foreman," Doesn't matter who they side with, I'm still in charge. We're taking the limp three-month-old."
House," Oh, good. You paged the limpness specialist. [She hands him a plain, white envelope.] This envelope is oddly medical license-shaped."
Cuddy, Congratulations.
Foreman, House is back in charge. We get to treat a porn star.
Chase, Congratulations.
Cameron, Perfect timing for us.
Chase," We're leaving the team and the hospital, effective immediately."
House, That's kind of sudden. Unless you've been circulating your resumes for a while.
Chase," We're just starting to think about new jobs, where we want to live."
House, Moving too. Interesting.
Cuddy, Are you sure about this?
Chase, [nods] Yes.
Foreman, Uh... We'll miss you.
Cameron, We'll miss all of you too. We'll start clearing out our things.
House," Run an STD panel and a tox screen. Send a C-reactive protein to look for inflammation and an A.N.A. to screen for autoimmune. The rest of you take a history and do an LP to rule out viral encephalitis. [He turns and sees Foreman sitting alone.] Oh, it's just you. Here's hoping you're good at multitasking. [He takes his license and coffee and heads for his office.]"
Hank," I get tested for STDs regularly, so does Everyone I work with."
Foreman," Since I'm guessing you don't take their word for it. All right, I'm gonna need you to lie on your side and put your knees to your chest. Any history of alcohol or substance abuse?"
Hank," My wife used to smoke a little pot, but I-I nEver touched the stuff."
Foreman, [prepping for the LP] You're married.
Hank," Happily, for two years now."
Foreman, She happy you do porn?
Hank," Very, since she does it too."
Foreman, Hmm. You Ever get jealous when your wife's working?
Hank," It's a job. Once you start letting your work life rule your home life, especially if you're in the same line of work, your relationship's gonna be short."
Foreman, You're gonna feel a little pressure. [Hank inhales deeply] Any history of sexual abuse?
Hank, I defy the clich�.
Foreman, Have you Ever suffered depression or psychosis?
Hank," Let me save you some time. There's not a blotch on my medical record. Look... I know most of the people in my field are drug addicts with daddy issues, but I'm a nice, Jewish boy from the 'burbs. I wasn't driven to this. I chose it. I beliEve in it. I actually think it's ""� Oh! My arms are killing me."
Foreman, Looks like tetany. Your muscles are contracting.
Hank, Oh!
Foreman, Need some meperidine in here.
Hank," [breathing heavily] Oh, God."
House," Jew with megalophallus, photophobia, and muscle spasm. You tell me which is the most unusual. [He starts taking pictures with a camera just out of sight. He's in Taub's office. The camera is set up to take ""before""� pictures of plastic surgery Patients.] Four candidates, three slots on the team. Need to know if you've still got your diagnostic chops."
Taub," I leave this office by 6:00 Every day, I have my weekends again, I recognize my wife again."
House," Yeah, I agree. Does sound pretty dull. No wonder you want to work for me. Tox screen was clean, We ruled out viral encephalitis. [Taub smiles pleasantly and says nothing.] The only obstacle to you coming back is your wife. Which has nEver been that much of an obstacle to you."
Taub," [One corner of his mouth twitches.] Maybe you're right. The only link between eye and muscle is the brain. [He gets up and grabs his jacket. He walks with House to the door.] Tumor, seizure..."
House," Taub seems to think the link has to be the brain, but eye and muscle are governed by different parts of the Patient's second-favorite organ. [Thirteen is leaning against her open door, keeping him in the hallway.] Which means it's..."
Thirteen, Thailand was wonderful. Thanks for asking.
House, Of course. Yes. It has to be multifocal.
Thirteen, I have an interview with a community health clinic in two hours.
House, Back-up plan's fine. But Taub's swinging for the fences. I suggest you don't divide your attention.
Thirteen," Good point. I won't divide my attention, then. [closes door]"
House," Taub thinks it's a brain issue, Thirteen thinks it's multifocal."
Foreman, And neither of them wants to work here.
House," Don't take their word for it. Taub's pRoblem is his wife, Thirteen's pRoblem is you. Chase and Cameron's pRoblem is the dead African dictator. None of them has a pRoblem with the work."
Foreman, Cerebral vasculitis would explain both the eye and arm findings.
House," [nods] Steroids to treat, brain angiogram to confirm, EMG and nerve biopsy while you're at it. I'll be at lunch."
House," [to Wilson] I'd hire all four, but a five-person team seems unwieldy. Who would you turn down? [to cashier] I'll have whatEver he's buying."
Wilson," Two cheeseburgers and two large fries. There are a thousand people in the world who want to be on your staff, but you're going after the four who don't."
House," They don't because their lives are irrelevantly and annoyingly compliCated, which makes them confused, which makes them make poor decisions."
Wilson, And your life is simple? You went all the way up to the medical conference to cozy up to Cuddy. Instead she's dating one of two people in the world you think of as a friend. There's no way that's not devastating.
House, So I had an attraction of sorts.
Wilson," Yeah, the sort in which your imaginary tryst landed you in a mental hospital."
House," And I got help. And she got Lucas, who bought me a ginger ale. It's all fine. Which won't be true of my department unless I can figure out which doctor I'm not hiring."
Wilson, I suppose throwing yourself into your work isn't the worst thing you could do. [Takes his food and heads for the tables.]
House, [interested] What is the worst thing I could do?
Foreman," House thinks it's cerebral vasculitis. If you could just do the brain angio while I finish up the blood work ""�"
Chase, We're out the door.
Foreman, He's got me running Every test and treatment by myself.
Cameron," Which is why you should be out the door too. This is completely unreasonable, Even for House."
Foreman, [taking a step closer to Chase] You owe me this.
Chase, Thank you.
Cameron, [reading chart] You really beliEve this is cerebral vasculitis?
Chase, Could be.
Cameron," House wants to thread a catheter through his brain, which could cause a vasospasm, give steroids, which could spread infection all over the place, because it could be."
Chase, Sounds like House.
Cameron," It could also be a sEvere vitamin D deficiency. He has a restrictive diet, works long hours indoors, became hypocalcemic, got tetany and photophobia."
Chase, Are you saying I shouldn't do the angio?
Cameron," House ordered it, Foreman wants it, of course we should do it. I'm just saying we're right to leave."
Chase, You sure? Because right now I'll basically do anything you ask me.
Cameron, I'm not interested in guilting you. We're moving on.
Chase," Right after I take the Patient to the phototherapy suite, blast him in ultraviolet light, and IV vitamins for his sEvere vitamin D deficiency."
Chase, So do you guys actually work together?
Hank," We did at first, but now we like to keep our films produced separate."
Chase," So do you, uh, watch her work?"
Hank," We're both busy with our own stuff. Think what you want, but we're proud of what we do."
Cameron, Divorcing sex from all emotional content?
Lexa, Emotion is emotional. Sex is mechanical. There doesn't really need to be any overlap.
Cameron, Certainly not in your world.
Hank," We've helped a lot of couples by taking sex out of some deep, dark dungeon. Do what you want without some big, moral comeuppance. [He puts on a pair of goggles.]"
Chase," You think you can escape the consequences, but you can't. You don't get to make your own rules or morals."
Lexa," Well, you're here to treat him, not lecture us about our ""� Hank. Are you all right? [His nose is bleeding. He rubs the blood off.] Are you okay?"
Chase, Just a nosebleed.
Cameron, Inside his leg? PeteParkal hemorrhages.
Chase, We were wrong. So was Foreman.
Cameron, Patient's blood won't clot. We're back to square one.
House, And you're back in my office. So much for playing hard to get.
Chase, We're just here to help Foreman.
Cameron," Is that ""�"
House, He's not without talent.
Foreman," UV rays made the Patient's capillaries more fragile, hastening the onset of D.I.C. Sounds like sepsis ""�"
House, But isn't. No sign of shock. No drop in blood pressure.
Chase, Can we turn that off?
House," Right, 'cause Cameron thinks pornography is evil."
Chase, I don't care what he does. I don't care what you watch. I just think it's annoying that he pretends it's some beautiful life we should all be aspiring to.
Chase, Left shift points to bacteremia.
Cameron, No fEver. Plus it wouldn't explain his spasmodic muscle contractions.
House, The ball and chain smacked you down.
Cameron," But widespread peteParkal rash, nervous system involvement. It's some kind of blood infection. Meningococcemia."
House," Start the Patient on heparin for the D.I.C. broad-spectrum antibiotics for the meningococcemia. [Chase and Foreman leave, followed by Cameron.] Dr. Cameron. [She stops.] Chase is relaxed, at ease, in lockstep with you again. I guess he finally told you that he iced Idi Amin Junior. Does that mean he can break the other nine comMandments too? Taking the Lord's name in vain, sure, but coveting thy neighbor's wife? Is she hot?"
Cameron, I've forgiven him.
House," Not for murder. Not you. Doesn't matter how evil Dibala was. By Every conscience-hugging, Mother Teresa-loving bone in your body, you should be leaving him, not leaving with him."
Cameron, I thought your position was our leaving is a ruse.
House," We're not talking about my position, we're talking about yours, which doesn't add up."
Cameron," Here's what doesn't add up. If you were serious about staffing your team, you would know exactly which three fellows you wanted. You plowed ahead with this case Even though you hadn't hired new fellows because you knew Foreman would ask Chase and me to help, giving you more time to blow up our marriage."
House," I don't want that. But we'd be foolish not to plan ahead. A: my firing Chase was the only reason you left two years ago, B: when the full horror of his homicide hits you, your marriage will blow up. And Z... The only obstacle to you working here will be gone. Or maybe I skipped a couple of letters."
Chase, Meningococcemia's spread person-to-person. Something you ought to think about next time you show up for work.
Hank, It's okay. [whispering conspiratorially] Your wife's not here.
Chase," I'm just telling you what ""�"
Hank," You have to lecture me when she's around, I get it. But I can tell from all the questions you ask that you're more like me than you admit."
Chase," I'm a guy. I look around Every once in a while, but I love my wife. I love the fact that she's the only one that I'm intimate with."
Hank, And no part of you wants to just toss this rulebook Everyone's forced on you?
Chase, No part of you wants a life of actual commitment?
Hank," Is my relationship perfect? No. Am I Ever horny when my wife has just had sex for nine hours? [Chase laughs.] Yes. But we are committed to each other, in Every way that matters."
Chase," In other words you're committed, except when you're not committed. Doesn't work so well if you have a conscience."
Hank, Conscience. You mean that thing that kicks in when there's no logical reason to behave the way people want you to? [beeping] What?
Chase, You have a fEver. Means the antibiotics aren't working.
Taub, Mr. [reading from a clipboard] Takayama.
House, [dropping the magazine he had his nose buried in] Yes. I'm really happy with what the last guy did with my eyes. But why would broad-spectrum antibiotics fail to work on meningococcemia?
Taub," If you'll excuse me, I've got a real Patient. Mister... Hitler. Really."
House, Had to do something to amuse myself while your receptionist fought with her boyfriend.
Taub, Who's next?
House," A guy who needs two decades' worth of corn Parkps Hoovered out of his neck, or a guy who can't stand daylight, and whose blood won't clot. You do the triage."
 KlingMan, Who's the jerk?
Taub, Someone with zero chance of hiring me back. [to House] I told you. I'm content at home and at work.
House," But you're not content with content. That's why you got sucked into those stock scams, why you cheated on the wife you love."
Taub, At bridge. My wife and I play a lot of bridge.
House, Why you worked on a case last time I was here.
Taub, I gave you a theory. Just like I'd help a guy who needs a Heimlich in a restaurant. And then I shut the door behind you.
House," But you'd knock over three other doctors to give it to him. Metaphorically speaking, you're a Heimlich addict."
Taub," And you're an addiction addict. Right now your drug of choice is your old team, and like any addict you're trying to solve some other pRoblem and it's not gonna work. If you'll excuse me, I have a ""�"
House, You have a tight schedule of nose jobs and tummy tucks.
Taub," Yes. I do nose jobs. Just like the guy who came here after a car crash, Couldn't Even breathe through! his... [He has an idea. House waits for it.] Antibiotics wouldn't work if his sinuses were infected and clogged. If there was a pocket of bacteria his blood vessels couldn't reach. You surgically drain his sinuses, the drugs will work."
House, Nice. Tell me that didn't feel good. [leaving] See you tomorrow.
Taub, [shouting after him] Not coming back.
Foreman, Looks like quite a trip.
Thirteen, [looks at him briefly then back at the photos] It was. House send you to talk to me?
Foreman, No.
Thirteen, Then there's nothing to talk about. I don't want to work for him.
Foreman, You're a great doctor. House is right to want you in the mix.
Thirteen, Are you saying this because you still have feelings for me and you want me to come back?
Foreman, I'm saying that shouldn't be an issue.
Thirteen, Do you have feelings for me or not?
Foreman, I don't want our work life to have anything to do with our personal life.
Thirteen, You couldn't keep them separate. And that's why our personal life doesn't exist.
Foreman," None of that has to ""�"
Thirteen, I can't work with you.
Foreman," Actually, you can. I was the one who had the pRoblem. I don't anymore. [He leaves.]"
House, I owe you an apology. I was wr-rr-r... I was wrr-r-rr...
Chase, What were you wrong about?
House, You spent weeks elaborately concealing the fact that you... [decides to use a euphemism for the others present] crashed daddy's car. And then you just confessed. Seemed idiotic. Certain to end in disaster. Instead you're riding off into the sunset together. Any theories on why?
Chase," I assume you've already dismissed the ""she loves me"" theory?"
House," Well, it's possible. It would require the presupposition that Everything she's done for the last six years has been completely inconsistent with her character, but yeah, it's possible."
Chase," And as we've already established, it's also possible that you're wrong."
House," Or there's another explanation. Since you don't have one, I'm gonna keep looking for you. [He turns the intercom off with his cane.]"
Chase," [to someone in the OR] Let him drain, then pack it with anesthetics and sterile gauze."
Wilson, Do you have any idea what's going on with House?
Cuddy," Uh, he's trying to get his old fellows back?"
Wilson, It's called stalking.
Cuddy, I am way too busy to play Officer of the court.
Wilson," That's a shame, since you're the one who triggered this. [She give him an ""I don't believing you""� look.] What do you see in Lucas anyway?"
Cuddy, I don't see that it's any of your business.
Wilson, Did you think House wouldn't find out? You could've at least told me so I wouldn't have coached him on how to prove his worthiness to you.
Cuddy, I know you're upset with me because I didn't choose to date your best friend. But I'm living my life. And for the first time I'm not gonna change that because of how it might affect him! or you.
Cuddy, I feel like crap.
Lucas," Yeah, look, our relationship is gonna be about House, or it's gonna be about us. I vote for it being about us."
Cuddy," Well, House is gonna make it about him for us."
Lucas," This is very insulting. You're apparently shocked by this, which means that you thought that there was some way that we could date, get married, have two kids, a dog, retire to Florida, all without House finding out. Or you thought that we wouldn't date all that long. First means you're delusional. The second means I'm delusional. Technically it could also mean you thought House had matured, but then we're back to your being ""�[He whistles and point to his head, indicating ""crazy.}]"
Cuddy, Shut up. You're right. I'm sorry.
Lucas," I'm also flattered. Yeah, 'cause you acted all cool and Everything with Wilson, but you feel comfortable enough with me that you can freak out. That's cool."
Chase," His sinuses are clear. Antibiotics should work this time. Why did you forgive me? I mean, I'm-I'm glad. I'm grateful, but I'm confused. You've been harder on the Patient than you've been on me."
Cameron," Well, the difference between you and the Patient is that you feel shame. Guilt. That's how I know we're gonna get through this."
Hank, [groaning] My stomach. Oooooh. It really hurts. Oh...
Cameron, His liver's failing.
Chase," His liver's failing and his abdomen keeps filling with fluid, so ""�"
Cameron, It's not meningococcemia.
House," [at the window by the coffee maker] No matter how much you finish each other's sentences, don't count on being a diagnostic package deal."
Foreman, Patient's liver's not working. We don't have time for your little team-stakes.
Chase," Sometimes you're just wr-rr-r-wrong. Something genetic, something in his family history we overlooked?"
Foreman, History and genetics are spotless. Plus Every time he had a bad cough as a kid he went to a doctor.
Cameron," Klatskin tumor, obstructing his bile ducts?"
Foreman, No jaundice. Wouldn't have ocular effects.
Chase," But if it's inflammation inside the bile channels, sclerosing cholangitis."
Cameron," Could've stopped him from producing clotting proteins, damaged his blood cells, causing small strokes."
House," [loudly, overacting] Enough! Enough! Stop pummeling Thirteen and Taub. [normally] It fits. Prep the Patient for an ERCP. See if there's any hope of opening his blocked bile channels. And tell him to start looking for a liver donor. [Chase starts to follow the other two out] Dr. Chase. Your turn. So what'd she say?"
Chase, She forgave me because I feel guilty.
House, That works too.
Chase," And now you expect me to ask you what the ""too"" refers to."
House," Only if you're interested. Only if you have doubts about her answer. [Chase turns to leave.] She thinks that you don't have anything to feel guilty about, because you didn't kill anybody. I did. She blames me for Dibala's murder, not you."
Chase, You were barely involved in that case. She knows that.
House," But I created the big, bad, evil climate that allowed it to happen."
Chase, You're wrong.
House, Powerful counter-argument.
Chase, Why are you doing this? Why are you trying to screw things up?
House," You got the tense wrong. Things are already screwed up. Which is why you don't just want to work for me, you need to. Cameron thinks you're my personal sock puppet. If you don't stay, it's gonna be hard to prove you're not. I have to go."
House," [to the guy on the next treadmill] Last week, my cane could only do ten minutes."
Thirteen, [approaParkng from the other side] What are you doing here?
House," Waiting for you to take a nap so I can surge into the lead. [She walks away. He stops walking and slides off the end of the treadmill, both feet hitting the floor simultaneously. He follows her to a maParkne.] What's the best way to restore the liver in someone with sclerosing cholangitis?"
Thirteen, [doing sit ups] Not getting drawn into this.
House, You already are.
Thirteen, Because you crashed my workout?
House," You're doing core training. Which improves balance, which staves off the most Debilitating symptoms of Huntington's. You've ended your self-destructive streak. Want to do something significant, something that'll last longer than the few years you have left. My team is your first-best choice."
Thirteen, And my first choice is the community health clinic I interviewed with yesterday.
House," Absolutely, you should do that. Three hours a week. Every doctor should 'cause Every doctor can. But you don't want to be Every doctor. Plus, on my team, you get to screw with Foreman. Every way but literally."
Thirteen, Why are you doing it this way? You're pretending to assume we're all coming back without actually asking us. Why?
House," See, this is why you'd be miserable wiping noses in a clinic."
Thirteen, [stands and faces him] You can't ask because you can't face the rejection. Why not? What's going on?
House, Are you asking me to ask you?
Thirteen," I'm saying you shouldn't, for your sake as well as mine."
Cameron," We don't know how much the sclerosing cholangitis has damaged your liver. It might be in a year, it might be in ten. But the odds are you're gonna need a new one. And you should know, while no transplant committee will say this openly, they'll nEver grant an organ to someone working in your profession."
Hank, You're saying I have to change jobs? You're medically advising me to change jobs.
Lexa," Hank, if you're too sick ""�"
Hank, She wants me to have some kind of religious conversion. She's practically salivating over it.
Cameron," I'm just being candid about ""�"
Hank, So you don't think I'm scum. Just some committee thinks I'm scum.
Cameron, That your lifestyle has risks.
Hank, You work around more sick people and germs and blood than I do. I'm not gonna live my life afraid like my parents did. Barely letting me play outside and God forbid that I get a scratch.
Lexa," I'll talk to him. He'll calm down and realize that this is the only ""�"
Hank," No. No, I won't. Why does Everyone want to dictate the way I live my life?"
Lexa, Because the way we're living is gonna kill you.
Chase, Passing the pancreatic duct...
Foreman, Don't listen to House.
Chase, You have no idea what he said.
Foreman," I know that House is Manipulative. I know that you're in a vulnerable state right now, and I know that Cameron wants your marriage to work. So do you. So don't listen to House."
Chase, House doesn't make my decisions. We're in the common bile duct.
Foreman, [looking at the screen] What's that mass? Gallstone?
Chase, Can we magnify times five? [Foreman adjusts the monitor.] That's not a gallstone.
Foreman, His liver's completely filled with worms.
Chase," You have strongyloides, also known as threadworms. They disseminated all over your body, causing all your symptoms."
Hank, How'd I get a parasite?
Chase," Most likely through sexual activity, but we can't be sure."
Lexa, And! w-what's the treatment?
Chase, Two mebendazole pills.
Hank, That's it?
Chase, You'll be fine. Your liver too. Go back to your lives.
Chase, You know this is the doctors' lounge.
Lucas," I know. It seemed like the place to read doctors' notes. You are good at it, by the way."
Chase, [grabbing the file from Lucas] Why are you reading my charts?
Lucas, Because I'm worried about my girlfriend.
Chase, Your girlfriend... is a male porn star?
Lucas," Oh, no, I'm dating Cuddy."
Chase, Seriously?
Lucas," Cool, huh? And if House doesn't have his team, that'll make her miserable, which will make me miserable. Which brings us to the fact that you have elevated noting to an art form."
Chase, I see the connection.
Lucas," Most doctors write ""9:00 a.m."" if they scrub in at 9:00 or anything near it. You write 9:03, and you make little notations when procedures are delayed."
Chase, You're easily impressed.
Lucas," [picking up another chart] Well, yeah. I was, till I saw that you had virtually stopped writing them about four weeks ago."
Chase, Been busy. Got a backlog.
Lucas," Yeah... People with your lEvel of precision don't really just ""get"" backlogs. No one knows why you're leaving PPTH."
Chase, Because it's personal.
Lucas," Well, if something happened, I mean, if you're leaving to get away from something that you did, or she did, or both of you did. I mean, emotionally maybe you want to run away, but in my experience, if you're staring at a pit bull in some guy's back yard, you're better off staying right where you are. Face the pRoblem. That way it can't bite you in the ass."
Chase, Thanks for the folksy wisdom.
Lucas," Hey, you got any, uh, dirt on any of the other three? It'd really help me out."
Lexa, I thought you said those two pills was all he needed!
Cameron, Lungs are filling with fluid.
Chase, Suction him and get him on oxygen.
Chase, Patient's lungs are sEverely compromised. Liver's still failing.
Cameron, Worms could easily have been a coincidence. Almost be surprising if he didn't have 'em.
Chase, Which means it could be a hematological pRoblem plus cardiomyopathy.
House," No, neck veins are flat, precordial exam was normal."
Foreman, What if it's lymphoma? Peritoneal carcinomatosis explains the liver failure. Paraneoplastic syndrome explains Everything else.
House, Lymphoma it is. Prep him for chemo. Fax Taub and Thirteen the latest update on the case.
Cameron, [disbelieving] Seriously?
House, They have as much right to know as anyone on the team.
Cameron," You either like the diagnosis or you don't. If you don't, we need to keep talking. If you do, you need to shut up. What we don't need is this stupid game."
Chase," You're mad at House, but you're not mad at me."
Cameron, Do you want me to be mad at you?
Chase, You blame House. Not me.
Cameron," I am mad at House because he's an ass. And I am mad at you, but I don't want to leave you."
Chase," What I did may be the worst thing I Ever did. It may be the best. I'm either a murderer or a guy who stopped a mass murderer, but I did it. Me. And Even if it destroys me, I'd do it again today."
Cameron, You don't mean that. This isn't you.
Chase, I'm not running away from what I did because you want to pretend I nEver did it.
Cameron, If that's how you feel... Okay.
House," My strategy's not completely working. All four of them want to work for me, but all four of them have reasons why they don't want to work for me. How do I get them to take one from column A and none from column B? [Wilson is looking for something and not answering House.] Right. Right, by not saying anything, you're saying that the answer is inside me."
Wilson, The answer has nothing to do with the question.
House, Then it's not technically the answer.
Wilson, Why do you need three of these doctors?
House," Because I know they're good. Other doctors fall into the ""might be good"" Category."
Wilson," It has nothing to do with them being good. You think they're idiots half the time, but they're comfortable. You feel abandoned by Cuddy, so you're reaParkng out to people you know for comfort."
House," Oh, my God, you're right. I don't need doctors at all. I just need a good friend. [He turns his head and ""cries,""� holding his hand to his mouth.]"
Wilson," Cuddy's right. Maybe, just maybe, if I don't play along, you'll realize you can't solve a deeper pRoblem with a surface solution."
House, Would've been more profound if you hadn't said anything.
Foreman, You okay?
Chase, Getting through it.
Foreman, Be a lot easier once you two are away from here.
Chase, Yeah. [Hank groans.] He's peeing blood. [monitor beeps] BP's rising.
Foreman, Heart rate's up to 250. He's going into cardiac arrest.
Chase, Charging. Clear.
Foreman, He's bleeding out.
Chase, His body's completely giving out. Charging. clear.
Cameron," We've got him stabilized, but no red cells, no white cells, practically no platelets either."
Chase," Mebendazole can cause adverse effects, but nothing like this."
Foreman," He's been off 'em since yesterday, anyway."
House," Long passes, wild guesses, anything."
Chase," Hypopituitarism. Could cause multi-organ failure if ""�"
House, If his thyroid hormone wasn't completely normal.
Cameron, Renal cell carcinoma.
House, Renal ultrasound was clean.
Foreman," I'd say aleukemic leukemia. Marrow's not making enough normal cells ""�"
House, Ablate the Patient's bone marrow. Find him a donor match.
Cameron, You want to nuke the Patient's marrow? He had no evidence of being anemic or immune-compromised when he was admitted.
Chase, Perfect white count as well.
Foreman, Ablation could kill him or leave him defenseless against an infection that could.
House," Well, then come up with something better. [Cameron sighs.] He may as well die while we're treating him. [He heads to his office.] Okay with you if I bring the other candidates into the loop now?"
Taub," The risks are, uh, they're really minimal. We'll do a series of painless injections, and ""� [the fax maParkne beeps] Excuse me. [He removes the paper from the fax and drops it in the trash.] The whole thing can be done as an outPatient."
Cuddy, You're leaving at 11:00 a.m.?
House," Trust me, the case is almost over."
Cuddy," Foreman told me you're ablating the Patient's marrow, on a non-theory that Foreman himself withdrew. You're gonna kill the Patient. Is this about me and Lucas? [He looks at her and leaves. She follows.] I want alternatives for the Patient."
House, So do I.
Chase, I want to be on the team.
House, You think that's gonna save your marriage?
Chase, I don't know.
House," Four candidates, three spots. I got a tough decision ahead of me."
 Turner," [on answering maParkne]: Hi. Remy, this is Dr. Turner from the Pennsauken Free Clinic. We all loved meeting you, and, well, the job's yours. Call me back. Let's pick a start date."
Phyllis," I want it to look natural. I mean, much younger, but natural. Can you get rid of the crow's feet altogether? Or is it better to leave a trace of them? [flirting] I don't look old enough to have them anyway, do I?"
Taub, [not really listening] Absolutely.
Phyllis, I do look old enough?
Taub, No. What? I'm sorry. Hang on a second.
Foreman, Why are you here?
House, 'Cause I think we're wrong. Which means something's gonna go wrong. [His cell phone rings.] Or right. Takayama here.
Taub, It's me and Thirteen. Stop the ablation.
House, Because?
Thirteen, Those threadworms. Why would his body have gone to hell just hours after they were gone?
Taub," The worms weren't hurting him. They were helping him. He has extraintestinal Crohn's. He got it from being raised in a too clean, too overprotective of an environment."
Thirteen," It's the hygiene hypothesis. Why there's so much autoimmune disease in the dEveloped world, and almost none in the dEveloping world."
Taub," The worms were keeping the Crohn's in check, teaParkng his immune system what it should've learned from eating dirt growing up."
Thirteen," Once you killed them, it started killing him."
House, So his life of filth wasn't the pRoblem. Clean living was. Let's start him on methylprednisolone.
Taub, And some helminths.
House," Worms. Cool, huh? [He hangs up the phone and gestures to Chase, Cameron and Foreman.] Best out of three?"
Porn actress, Have you been a bad boy? [laughter and music]
Taub, I want to be on the team.
House, Good news for your wife.
Taub," Thanks for the sarcasm. I reorganized my life to spend more time with her, but apparently I don't love her as much as I thought."
House, Or you love her more. This job gives you the thrill you used to find through philandering. Better to cheat with a beaker and an MRI than one of your platinum-blonde plastic surgery Patients. I'll let you know.
Chase," I told House I want to work for him again. [She looks at him, surprised.] Stay on the team. You were always more into it than I was, more interested in diagnostics. Unless House was right about why you want out."
House, [quietly] Four for four.
Cameron," I was in love with you. I was an idiot. Tried to be like you, tried to understand you because I thought I could heal you. [pause] You almost killed that Patient."
House," If almost not saving his life means ""�"
Cameron, You knew the diagnosis a long time ago. You risked another Patient's life to bait your old team.
House, Another one?
Cameron, You did kill Dibala. By playing God and teaParkng us to do the same.
House, I taught you to think for yourselves.
Cameron, You don't Even think of them as people. They're just lab rats for your little puzzles.
House," As you celebrate their huManity, I'd rather solve those little puzzles and save their lives."
Cameron, Motives do matter. Lives can't come second.
House, The Patient is alive. That's what matters.
Cameron, Not to you. All you care about is that Taub and Thirteen fell for your game. You'll poison them just like you poisoned Chase.
House, Your husband killed a Patient and you're breaking up with me.
Cameron, You ruined him. So he can't Even see right from wrong. Can't Even see the sanctity of a huMan life anymore. I loved you. [tearing up] And I loved Chase. I'm sorry for you both. [crying openly] For what you've become. Because... there's no way back for either of you.
House," Any idea where I can get a great, big ""Mission Accomplished"" banner? Got my sanity back, my license back, and now..."
Wilson, [He thinks for a moment then realizes what House means.] You're kidding. All of them?
House, Three out of four. Which is almost as good as four out of five.
Wilson," Who was the ""�"
House, Cameron.
Wilson," Wow. I can't beliEve it. I mean, really. I can't... beliEve it. You were right, House. Good for you."
House," Yeah, it is. She's broken up with Chase, and she's leaving the hospital. Still, three out of four ain't bad."
Sidas, Hey.
Beringer," Hey, I'll be right there."
Sidas, Take your time. You mind if I get a drink of water?
Beringer," No, not at all. Help yourself."
Beringer," [approaches and chuckles] Not exactly beach reading, huh?"
Sidas, Do you understand any of that stuff?
Beringer," Well, most of these I can get through, But, uh, that one? Can't get past the dust jacket. Where's Ted?"
Sidas," Laid off. Company's going with per diem workers. You know, you don't have to pay overtime, health insurance."
Beringer, Wow. that sucks.
Sidas," I don't mind. really, I'm not a 40-hour-a-week kind of guy. [He pauses as if he's lost his train of thought.] Uh... If I could just get you to sign."
Beringer," Right. um... Hang on one second. I want to show you something. [He chuckles as he goes to get a book off the shelf. Sidas coughs.] You're gonna laugh, but, uh, I swear, this guy James Sidas looks exactly like you. Wait, hang on a second. [He stares at the picture on the book jacket.] This guy is you. [He holds the book in front of Sidas. The picture is of a kid with blond hair. He's in his late teens or early twenties.] I saw a profile Nova did on you. You're, like, the youngest guy to Ever graduate MIT?"
Sidas, Standards were lower back then.
Beringer, You got an IQ of 178. Published three books and 35 papers all before the age of 18?
Sidas," Yeah, uh, sorry, I really need to get going. So if I could just get you to sign off."
Beringer, All right. I'll trade you. I'll sign if you'll sign.
Sidas, I'm not that guy anymore.
Beringer," Come on, Man. This is the most exciting thing that's happened in this place in years. [Sidas sighs and takes the pen. He starts to sign but his hand shakes. He drops the pen a couple of times. Beringer chuckles.] Come on. Don't be like that. I'm paying you a compliment."
Sidas," It's... It's not that, um... My hand's not working."
Beringer," Hey, hey. Whoa, whoa. You okay?"
Sidas, [pulling off his cap and looking around] No.
Cashier, $2.32.
House, Put it on Dr. Wilson's tab.
Cashier," I don't know who Dr. Wilson is, and we don't have tabs."
House, Do you know who I am?
Cashier, No.
House, Good.
Cashier," But, sir ""�"
Cuddy, [approaParkng] I got it. It's all right. [She pulls some bills from a pocket in her skirt and gives them to the cashier.]
House," Thanks. Although I should make it clear that for two bucks all you get is top half, over the clothes. Any plans for turkey day?"
Cuddy, Go to my sister's for dinner. Why?
House, Just making pleasant conversation. I've heard tell of folks doing such.
Cuddy, How 'bout we talk about this? [She hands him a blue folder.] 15-year-old. Recurring migraines and blurred vision.
House, Great.
Cuddy, Really?
House, Sure. There's no point in putting a band together if we're not gonna play any gigs.
Cuddy, Hold on. Take this instead. [She swaps the folder she gave him for another one.] I was expecting more resistance.
House, That was the old me. New me is static-guarded and friction-free. [He turns and walks away.] Enjoy your drumstick.
House," Ready to save some lives? [He throws the file on the table.] 32-year-old courier. Ataxia, anemia, mild cough. CT was clear. Tox screen negative."
Chase, What're you so excited about?
House," Why wouldn't I be? Got all my starters back, plus a couple of first-class free agents. I feel like Mike Tomlin. [He looks at Foreman.] PRobably not as much as you do, but you get the idea. [He takes a bite of his bagel.]"
Thirteen, Ataxia and anemia could be viral. Maybe West Nile?
House," No fEver, lymph glands were normal. Anybody seen Wilson?"
Taub, Hyperbilirubinemia?
House," [scoffing as he heads for his office] Yeah, like that's a real thing."
Chase, Meningitis.
House, Anemia's a stretch. [picks up his phone] Page Dr. Wilson at 558.
Taub, What about sickle cell?
Foreman, Guy's white.
Taub, Whites can get it.
House, Come on. We get the tennis elbow and all the money. Let them have sickle cell.
Foreman, TTP's a better fit.
Thirteen," He's right. [House, Chase and Taub stare at her.] What, you thought I wouldn't agree with him? Ever?"
House," You didn't agree with him. That's why he dumped you. Oh, sorry. It was mutual."
Foreman," We're cool, okay? Nobody's angry, nobody's hurt."
House, Sounds passionate.
Chase, [clearing his throat] TTP makes sense to me.
Taub," Not to me. What if he had a history of ""�"
House," One big, happy family. TTP it is. Confirm with a blood smear and adamts13 antibodies."
Voice on PA," Dr. Wilson, please dial 558."
Dara, Can you cure it?
Thirteen," TTP isn't completely curable, but the symptoms are Manageable with the proper treatment."
Dara, Is this the treatment?
Thirteen," No, first we need to do a blood test to confirm the diagnosis."
Dara, But he's gonna get better.
Sidas," Honey, that's what she's saying. I'm gonna be okay. Don't worry."
Sidas, I'm gonna be fine.
Taub," You're sure Everything was fine before? Given your educational background, you'd think you could at least find a job with a medical plan."
Sidas, We have money. Don't worry.
Taub," It's not that, it's just ""� I want to make sure we have all the information we should."
Dara, My husband wouldn't lie.
Sidas," It's okay, baby. He's just doing his job. He just wants to make sure I'm not a secret drug addict or an alcoholic."
Taub, Or hiding a history of mental illness?
Sidas, I work as a courier because I want to. It's easy. I don't have to think.
Taub, It's too hard to think.
Sidas," No, just unpleasant. No matter what I did, it really wasn't good enough. Then I met Dara. She didn't care how smart I was or what I might accomplish in the future. It was the first time in my life that I was really happy. So I decided I would rather be happy than smart."
Foreman, You all right? Sorry. I know you're not okay. I mean...
Chase, [getting up] She left. Went back to Parkcago.
Foreman, Any chance of reconciliation?
Chase," Nope. [He walks away from Foreman and opens the refrigerator, studying the contents.]"
Foreman, Sure you don't want to grab a drink after work? Figured we could talk about the perils of dating doctors.
Chase, I wasn't dating Cameron.
Foreman," I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ""�"
Chase," [coming over] I know what you're doing and I appreciate it, but I've got it under control."
Foreman, That's what you said about the Dibala incident. And obviously you didn't.
Chase, And talking about it obviously made things so much better.
Taub, Didn't you think there was something weird about that guy?
Thirteen," Not really. In fact, he seemed pretty normal."
Taub, That's my point. Guys with IQs off the chart are usually completely... abnormal.
Thirteen," Speaking of House, why'd you come back? I mean, you must've taken a major pay cut."
Taub, Life's too short to worry about money.
Thirteen, Your wife feel the same way?
Taub, She's happy to cut back on some things... like sex. Why'd you come back?
Thirteen," Why wouldn't I? Like Foreman said, nobody's angry. Nobody's hurt. [looking in the microscope] SParkstocytes."
Taub, That means TTP.
Thirteen, Which is what we thought it'd be. Remember? This is a good thing.
Taub," This is an easy thing. And House doesn't take cases that are easy, which means it's not TTP, and he wants to see how long it takes us to catch up to him."
Taub, SParkstocytes suggest TTP.
House, [ducking to look through a door then moving on] Good. Now what?
Thirteen," Normally, we'd try plasmapheresis, but the Patient has an albumin colloid allergy."
House, So?
Taub, So that means we have to give him a splenectomy.
House," Yes, it does."
House, Wilson?
Man in stall, No.
House, Do you know where he is?
Man in stall, Not in here.
Thirteen, You're sure you want us to take out his spleen.
House," Is that what a ""splenectomy"" is? I thought it was an ice cream treat. Yuck."
Taub, So you do really think he has TTP? You're not just testing us.
House," Yeah, like I have time for games."
Taub, So why did you really take this case?
House, Isn't it obvious? I'm fishing for a dinner invite.
House, Missed you at breakfast this morning. And lunch.
Wilson, I had a dentist appointment.
House, [joining Wilson] You know where Cuddy's sister lives?
Wilson, You see. This is why I don't answer your urgent pages. Because they're not urgent pages.
House, I've decided what I'm gonna do about Cuddy and Lucas. I'm going to break them up.
Wilson, Of course.
House," It's given me a purpose in life, a goal, a raison d'être."
Wilson," Albeit a selfish, mean-spirited, Parkldish raison. [He rings for the elevator.]"
House," Ehhhhh. I think of it more as benevolent. There's only two possible outcomes for their relationship. They split, or they stay together forEver. If it's split, then the sooner it happens the better for Everyone. If it's stay, then my meddling won't matter. [elevator bell dings] In fact, if they survive it, it might Even make their bond stronger."
Wilson, [entering the elevator with House] How you Manage to elevate your narcissism to beneficence is masterful.
House," And I've decided to do it at Thanksgiving dinner. Just 'cause I'm sentimental. Dinner is at Cuddy's sister's, which brings us back ""�"
Wilson," House, don't."
House," I fished for an invite. Cuddy wasn't biting, so I'll have to crash."
Wilson, I have no idea where Cuddy's sister lives.
House, Ask and thou shalt receive.
Wilson, You can't honestly think I would help you with this.
House," Not help me, help Cuddy, remember? If you don't get it, I'll be forced to use more nefarious methods."
Wilson, Happy holiday. [leaves]
Chase, Huh. Looks great.
Dara, So he's all better?
Chase," PRobably be on some long-term meds, and he's about ten ounces lighter. Other than that, won't Even know it's gone."
Dara," Did you hear that, Honey? You're gonna be just fine."
Sidas, When can I get out of here?
Chase," Everything checks out, less than a week."
Sidas," Good, 'cause those boxes aren't gonna deliver colors."
Chase, [frowning] Colors?
Sidas, Green... and orange... and ceiling.
Chase," [checking Sidas's eyes with a flashlight] Mr. Sidas, do you know where you are?"
Sidas, Chewing.
Dara, Jimmy?
Sidas, Shirt...
Chase, [to a nurse] He's stroking. Call the cath lab now.
Dara," Oh, my God."
Chase, Blood flow's restored. [over his shoulder to House] There appears to be no perManent damage.
House," [spitting a pencil from his mouth into his hand] Good news is it turns out to be an exciting, action-packed thrill ride of a case after all."
Chase, Bad news is we took out his spleen for nothing.
House," [picks up the phone and dials] Thank God he's still got his appendix and tonsils. So what looks like TTP, acts like TTP, tests like TTP, but isn't TTP?"
Taub," CNS vasculitis. Explains ataxia, and anemia, maybe the stroke."
Foreman, CT would've picked up something.
House," Hi, I'm Greg House, a friend of your sister, Lisa."
Thirteen, Could be DIC.
House, Cuddy. Sorry. Wrong number. [hangs up]
Thirteen, [to Taub] You gonna ask?
Taub, I'm sure he's got a perfectly logical explanation.
House, Can't be DIC. No hemorrhaging. And I'm calling all 12 Julia Cuddys within a 100-mile radius.
Taub, [to Thirteen] See? Completely reasonable. [to House] Acquired pancytopenia.
Chase, WBC's normal.
House," [on the phone again] Hey, Julia. You're, uh ""� you're Lisa's sister, right? You sure? 'Cause you are number 12."
Thirteen, Maybe she got married and changed her name.
Foreman, Otis Campbell.
House, [hanging up] PRobably kept her first name.
Foreman," The mnemonic for toxins. O for organophosphates, T for tricyclics, I for insulin!"
Thirteen, Except the tox screen was negative.
Chase, Standard tox screen. Unstandard toxins don't show up on it.
House," Well, you two do an unstandard tox screen; you two search his home. Otis Campbell's got to be hiding somewhere."
Taub," Smartest guy in the world, and this is the best he can do."
Chase, Maybe he's doing what he loves. Delivering boxes was a Parkldhood dream.
Taub," [checking the refrigerator] Soda, processed cheese, marshmallow spread. Nothing in here is capable of going bad."
Chase," [in the bathroom, a few feet from the kitchen] Ibuprofen, eye drops, cough syrup."
Taub, You want to come over for Thanksgiving dinner?
Chase, [sticking his head out of the shower] You nEver asked me over before. Why now?
Taub, I just nEver thought of it. But now that we're both on the team...
Chase, And my wife left me?
Taub, Is that a bad reason?
Chase," No. But, uh, I'm okay. On both the food and friends."
Taub, Mice. Leptospirosis could explain the ataxia and the anemia. [He picks up droppings with a tweezers and drops them in a container.]
Chase, But not without a fEver.
Taub, You have someone to talk to?
Chase, Yeah.
Taub, Who?
Chase," What, you want names? [shakes head slightly] Look, you lost a friend. I get it. But I'm not Kutner."
Taub," Good, 'cause Kutner nEver used to come over for dinner."
Chase, [gesturing behind himself] I'm gonna pretend there's something interesting over here so you'll shut up.
Taub," Actually, there is. He's got sketches of atomic structure. This one's full of math proofs."
Chase, They're all old. Nothing since '96.
Taub, This isn't some homework assignment his parents forced on him. This is passion. Why would he want to stop doing this?
Chase," Marriage destroyed his soul. [He looks down and sees a vent with a loose cover. He kneels, removes it and looks inside. He pulls out a bottle.] Ooh. Or maybe it was just the booze."
Diana," Thank you, doctor, you've been wonderful."
House," As have you, Diana. Be well."
Diana, Thank you.
Cuddy, You're helping. Voluntarily.
Jeffrey, He's done six already.
House, Figured you might be getting backed up. The holiday season and all.
Cuddy, So which one of us slipped through the wormhole into an alternate dimension?
House, I have always loved to travel. And paint. Lucky number sEven.
Cuddy," House... I know you're trying to be nice, but I also know you're doing it because you have an agenda."
House, Wow. Sexy and smart. Lucas is a lucky guy.
Cuddy," The question is, is this a bad agenda or a good one? Either you're trying to screw with me, or you're trying to show me that you've really changed."
House, [pause. exaggerated curiosity] So which is it? I'm dying to know.
Cuddy, What are you doing for Thanksgiving dinner?
House, Peace in our time. It cost me 45 minutes of clinic duty. [He hands the paper to Wilson.]
Wilson, This is a three-hour drive. Have you considered the possibility that this is a fake address?
House, You think she'd send me to a vacant lot for Thanksgiving dinner?
Wilson, If she's smart.
House, She is. That's why I ran it through motor vehicles. Good as gold.
Wilson, This cannot end well.
House, I don't want it to end well. You should come as my date. You're not gonna want to miss this.
Foreman, The unstandard tox screen was as clean as the standard one.
Taub, But we found vodka stashed away in his place.
Thirteen, What's with the ties?
House, Makes me look adorably non-threatening. Party [brown and orange] or party hearty [white and tan]?
Chase, Liver failure would explain all the symptoms. [House gestures with one tie.] Party.
House," [tossing the white and tan tie and putting the other one on] So guy's a brainiac, and his secret drug of choice is booze? That's kind of pedestrian, don't you think?"
Taub, Talk to him. He's a pedestrian guy.
Foreman, With pedestrian alcoholism. Liver biopsy can wait until after Thanksgiving.
House," Yes, assuming the biopsy's gonna tell us exactly what we expect it to tell us, it can wait till after New Year's. On the other hand, Taub and Thirteen can do the liver biopsy today."
Taub, Why us?
House, Juniority. Welcome back.
Chase, What do you want us to do?
House, Same as me. Have a Happy Thanksgiving.
Sidas, I'm not an alcoholic.
Taub," Yes, you just hide vodka around the House for fun."
Sidas," I drink, just not a lot."
Dara, Since when do you drink at all?
Sidas," I have one shot when I get home from work, baby, that's it."
Thirteen, So why lie to your wife about it?
Sidas, Because it's not important. What difference does it make?
Dara, That you drink Every day by yourself?
Sidas," I have one lousy drink, okay? Have you Ever seen me drunk? Ever?"
Dara," No, but you've obviously been drinking enough to hurt your liver."
Sidas, My liver is fine.
Thirteen, Hold still.
Taub, [checking the ultrasound and taking the sample] There we go.
Sidas, This test is a waste of time.
Lucas, Ta-dah! Hey.
Cuddy, Want some wine?
Lucas," [carving the turkey] All right. Very good. Here, we got this."
Woman, String beans?
House, Julia?
House Sitter," No, I'm the House sitter. They're in Hawaii for the week."
Cuddy, Happy Thanksgiving.
Lucas," Happy Thanksgiving, you guys."
House Sitter, You must be Dr. House. I was told I should offer you a turkey sandwich.
Thirteen, Tuna salad. Closest thing they had to turkey.
Taub, Thanks. But I'm hoping I can still get out of here to catch the tail end of dinner with my wife.
Thirteen, Anything?
Taub," No cirrhosis, no scarring, no infection."
Thirteen, Blood panel?
Taub, Elevated albumen: 7.2.
Thirteen, [eating her sandwich] That's it?
Taub, Everything else is fine.
Thirteen, So it was a waste of time.
Taub," Unless! it's not his liver that's elevating his albumen, it's his kidneys."
Thirteen," Renal failure. Explains the anemia. If he dEveloped hyperkalemia, that would explain the ataxia. But the stroke?"
Taub, Ischemic encephalopathy.
Thirteen, Nice. Except now we have to stay and test his kidneys. [She hands him his sandwich.]
House, Key under the mat.
Lucas, There's no key under the mat.
House," Oh, right. You need to replace one of your kitchen windows. I helped myself to your wine cellar. [He picks up an almost empty bottle of something.] I'll leave a buck on the way out. You're not right for her."
Lucas, And you are?
House, Less wrong.
Lucas, Ah.
House, Then I started thinking... [long pause while Lucas waits] What was I saying?
Lucas," You were saying it's late, and..."
House, She invited me. She didn't know if she should. She was trying to figure out if I really have changed or... if I'm still the same old S.O.B. I've always been. But she always gave me a chance. 832 chances. And I used up Every one of them. 832's her limit. Make a note.
Lucas," How 'bout a cup of coffee? [He heads for the kitchen.] It's just instant, but..."
House, I'm pathetic. I don't deserve her.
Lucas," Okay, okay, all right. Uh, here. [Lucas comes over, grabs House under the arms and helps him onto the couch. He exhales loudly. House is draped across his lap.] Maybe you should crash here. It's a sofa bed."
House, I love her.
Taub, Patient's liver's fine. It's his kidneys that are shot. And where the hell is House?
Foreman, He left a message on the maParkne. He's not coming in today. So what causes kidney failure?
Thirteen, Rhabdomyolysis.
Taub, No edema. [to Chase] I trust you had a wonderful Thanksgiving?
Chase, I don't remember. So I guess I did. Multiple myeloma.
Foreman, No bone pain.
Taub, You got drunk alone?
Chase, No. That would be a sign that I need to talk to you about this. Polycystic kidney disease?
Thirteen, No UTIs or flank pain.
Chase," Well, what if his cough is more than just a cold?"
Thirteen, He hasn't been coughing.
Chase," It's in his history, and we found a new bottle of cough syrup in his medicine cabinet."
Taub, Cough could mean Goodpasture syndrome. Affects kidneys and lungs.
Foreman, Start him on immunosuppressors and dialysis.
Thirteen, We'll do it right after we run it by House.
Foreman, He's not answering his pager. Looks like he's leaving it up to us.
Thirteen," Us, not you."
Taub," And since we don't disagree, you can save your fight for another case."
Sidas, How long do I have to be hooked up for?
Chase, Four to six hours a day until we see an improvement.
Dara, What if you don't?
Chase, Then we keep doing it until he gets a transplant.
Dara," You were sure it was his spleen, and then you were sure it was his liver, which he told you it wasn't, and now you're sure it's his kidneys."
Thirteen, It's definitely his kidneys. We just don't know why it's his kidneys.
Thirteen, Any word from Cameron?
Chase, Nope.
Thirteen, I started seeing a counselor after my diagnosis. She's really good.
Chase, Why does Everyone assume that Everyone works in the exact same way?
Thirteen," We pretty much do. Our egos want us to think we're all snowflakes, no two alike, but really we all want the same things. Love, forgiveness... chocolate."
Chase," [turning to face her] Well, what I want is for Everyone to leave me alone. [elevator bell dings] How do I get that?"
Cuddy, What did you say to Lucas last night?
House," I know there were a lot of consonants. [He winces slightly.] I don't remember how I got here, nEver mind what I said."
Cuddy," Well, I just talked to him. And he said he thought it'd be better if we stopped seeing each other. Said he didn't realize how much there still was between you and me, and he didn't want to get caught in the middle of us."
House," I was drunk. WhatEver I said, he can't really ""�"
Cuddy," I've had enough, House. I actually felt bad about scamming you. But then you lived down to my expectations and then some. There is no ""us."" There nEver will be."
House, It worked.
Wilson, Please tell me you're talking about a medical procedure.
House, They split up this morning. You're the very first one I've told.
Wilson, And you think she'll start dating you? I'm sure she hates you.
House," But her eyes say, ""How will I Ever pay you for that tennis lesson?"""
Wilson," [sighs] Ah, what a shame."
House, They'll get over it.
Wilson, I meant for you.
House," I'll get over it faster than they do. [laughs slightly] Can't beliEve that Lucas fell for my ""I nEver say this because it's so personal except that I'm drunk"" profession of love. Second-oldest trick in the book."
Wilson, You're right. It's his fault because he's stupid.
House, [pause] He certainly is.
House, You're stupid.
Sidas," Well, I'm rubber, and you're glue."
House," He's not pedestrian, he's stupid. At least stupider than he should be. He's a DXM junkie."
Thirteen, Dextromethorphan. As in cough syrup?
House," He wasn't taking it for his cough. It's cheap, available at your corner drug store, and taken in high doses, it's a dumb drug."
Dara," Dumb drug. Well, he obviously hasn't ""�"
House," He's smart compared to you. He's a moron compared to what he was. ""Robotripping."" Lowers the IQ. It also causes brain damage. Unless taken with the proper amount of ethanol. About one drink per day. He wasn't abusing the booze and taking the cough remedy medicinally. He was abusing the cough meds, and taking the booze medicinally. Bravo."
Dara," Why would you do that? If you had a ""� a gift, why would you just throw it away?"
Sidas," I didn't throw it away. I just turned it down a little. When my brain was on low, Everything didn't seem so miserable anymore. Life was bearable."
Dara, I thought that I did that.
Sidas, You do.
House," Long-term abuse of DXM explains all your symptoms. Even ""� oh, sweet irony ""� your cough. Whole bowel lavage, activated charcoal. We get all traces of it out of your system. You'll be the unhappiest little courier in no time. [He starts to leave.]"
Sidas, I don't think I can live without it.
House, You'd be surprised what you can live without. Make him a genius.
Dara, I can't beliEve it. He looks so much better already.
Sidas, We were thinking about calling GQ.
Foreman, Lavage has removed all traces of DXM from his body.
Dara, You're drawing again. What is it?
Sidas, Just doodles.
Dara," No, it's not. Come on, Jimmy, I want to know."
Sidas," This is a toroidal helicon plasma device. [pause. She obviously didn't understand a word he said. He continues, hesitantly.] It determines the amount of energy expended by the subatomic particles. [She tries to smile.] I'm thirsty. Could you get me a juice or something?"
Dara," Yeah, of course. I'm so happy, jimmy."
Sidas," I told you. Do you know what the difference between her IQ and mine is? 91 points. [That would make her IQ 87.] In relation, she's closer to a gibbon than she is to me. Having sex with her would be an act of bestiality."
Foreman, I assume you didn't marry her for her skill in applied physics.
Sidas, I just wish she could spell it.
Foreman, You really think you'd be happier with someone who could spell better?
Sidas," No. That's the pRoblem. I'm the one who's a jerk. But I owe her Everything. I want to want to be with her. And when I'm clear, I... I can't."
House," Fainting, dizziness, shortness of breath?"
Ronnie, Sometimes. Is the wait always this long?
House," Only on days that end in ""day."" Diarrhea, weight loss?"
Ronnie, A bit. Don't you Ever shave?
House," Yeah. once a week. How 'bout you? Stomach pain, tenderness?"
Ronnie, Every now and then. Are you this rude to all your Patients?
House," Oh, yes! Don't think you're special. So we've got a lot of vague, unverifiable symptoms. Yet all the physical signs are perfectly normal."
Ronnie, What do you think I have?
House," I'm not sure, but I think it's... a lame job."
Ronnie, What?
House, You're a rat. Insurance company sends you out to check on the quality of medical care.
Ronnie, That's ridiculous.
House," Is it really? 'Cause you seem a lot more interested in asking questions than answering them. Handwriting on your medical records is obviously not a doctor's 'cause I can almost read it. And when you went out for a urine sample, I looked in your purse. Found the list of questions you were supposed to memorize before you came to the clinic. I was looking for gum."
Ronnnie, You're an ass.
House, Put it in your report. I tell you what. I'll give you 20 bucks if you'll pretend that I'm not when we leave this room.
House," Remember, first ice, then heat. If you have any pRoblems, don't hesitate to call me."
Ronnie," Thank you, Dr. House."
House, Wait a second. Where's Cuddy?
Jeffrey, Gone for the day.
House," [He sees Ronnie leaving.] Hey, hey, hey! [She runs for the outer door.] Sorry. I can't remember if I've mocked you yet for being a male nurse."
Jeffrey, I think this counts.
House, Fair enough. [He leaves.]
Dara, That isn't the Man I married.
Foreman," Yes, he is. He's just smarter. Give him some time. I'm sure ""�"
Dara, He hates me.
Foreman, His body is going through withdrawal. He's adjusting.
Dara, Maybe he nEver loved me. Not really. Maybe we nEver really had anything at all.
Sidas, [yelling] Somebody help! [Dara and Foreman run to his room.] I can't feel my legs. I can't feel my legs. [Foreman takes out a pen. He taps Sidas's leg in sEveral places and runs the pen up and down his calf.] Anywhere. Nothing.
Taub, We have to talk about this.
Rachel, It's late. I'm tired.
Taub," I know it's a big pay cut, but I'll always have the chance to make money. I won't always have the chance to do this job."
Rachel, [looking up] That's what you think? That it's about the money?
Taub, So it's that I didn't consult you before I took the job?
Rachel," That was offensive, but it's not about that either."
Taub, So then... Can you give me the first letter?
Rachel," [puts down book] When we got married, you were an intern working 30-hour shifts doing grunt work. And we both put up with it because we knew that it was leading to something better. In your private practice, you are the boss. You call the shots. But now you're 40 years old, you're still doing grunt work."
Taub, That's what this is about? You think I'm a wuss?
Rachel, He made you miss Thanksgiving dinner.
Thirteen," Vitamin B12 deficiency? Gives us anemia, numbness."
House, Not a stroke.
Thirteen," If he has a vascular malformation ""� Anemia's not macrocytic."
House, Sorry to inconvenience you. Dying Patients can be so thoughtless.
Taub, Don't.
House," Great comeback. Is that Oscar Wilde? Come on, people."
Foreman, Bone marrow malignancy.
House, Wouldn't produce sParkstocytes.
Taub, Lupus.
House," Gee, thanks for coming in. ANA was negative. [to Chase] What about you? Got any predictable drivel you'd like to add?"
Chase, I think they've given you enough already.
House," Well, at least they're trying. They're not just sitting there like roadkill. Give me something. Give me something, or I'll get your ex-smarter half on the phone and ask her."
Foreman, House.
Cuddy, You're gonna be pressing charges?
House, Against the ottoMan I tripped over?
Cuddy, Against Chase.
House, I'm pretty sure the ottoMan was acting alone. You free for dinner this weekend?
Cuddy, At least three other people saw him do it.
House, Mass hysteria. Either night?
Cuddy, I can't have doctors punParkng each other out.
House," Oh, my God, who got punched?"
Cuddy," And more importantly, for Chase's sake, I need to know if he's able to handle himself or if I should be getting him some help."
House," Chase couldn't have punched anyone. He was with me when I tripped over the ottoMan. If you're not planning on eating this weekend, maybe a movie?"
Cuddy," I'm not doing this, House. It's not fun anymore. Just do your job."
House, I need your help.
Sidas, What happened to your face?
House," I was mowing the lawn when the phone rang. You're a computer. I'm gonna feed you data, and you analyze it."
Sidas," What, are you gonna feed me 20 years of medical knowledge too? It's not gonna work."
House, I know. But I don't have anyone else to ask.
Sidas," It's lonely, isn't it?"
House, It's not that bad.
Sidas, Then you're not that smart. You Ever tried to kill yourself?
House, Not quickly.
Sidas," I did. 12 years ago I jumped off the top of my eight-story building into a dumpster bin the day before pickup. I broke my collarbone, my leg, and three ribs. When I was in the hospital they put me on narcotics and suddenly Everything was just better. I didn't feel isolated or lonely. That's where I met my wife. She was so happy. And dumb. And I was... smart... and miserable. You tell me who the genius is. I fell in love with her buzzed out of my head, and I knew I wanted to stay that way forEver."
House, Enjoy.
Sidas, [chuckles] Easier on your conscience if I die an idiot?
House," What's a conscience? [He starts to leave, then turns back.] Which ribs... did you break in the fall? They on the left side?"
Sidas," Yeah, bottom three. That was 12 years ago."
Taub," This pRobably cost me my marriage, so it better be awesome."
Foreman, Ferrous oxide contrast?
House," Gets absorbed by the spleen. Unless he doesn't have one. In which case it's absorbed by the liver, and fries that."
Taub, You're killing him?
Chase, You think I opened him up and didn't take out his spleen?
House," All organs do look kind of the same ""� red and squishy."
Thirteen," Oh, my God."
Foreman, Accessory spleens.
Taub," Okay, that is amazing."
House," 12 years, eight stories, and a dumpster ago, he broke three ribs, damaged his spleen. Bits of it split off, circulated through his bloodstream until they landed and attached somewhere else."
Chase, So it is TTP. I just didn't remove... all of his spleens.
House, 16 splenectomies. Pretty sure he gets a set of steak knives with that.
Chase," I can outrun you. [House stops and turns toward Chase.] Sorry about the nose. And the eye. And the, uh... eyebrow."
House, Guess I deserved it.
Chase," Well, if I thought that, I wouldn't be apologizing."
House, Your fist slipped?
Chase," Everybody kept bugging me, asking if I was okay."
House, So you busted my nose to keep people off your back.
Chase, [wincing then admitting it] Pretty much.
House, Making people Even more worried about you.
Chase, Maybe. But at least they're not talking to me about it.
House, [slight nod] Fair enough.
Chase, Cheers.
Sidas, Thank you.
House, Don't be so grateful. You'll be delivering packages for 70 years to pay for it.
Sidas," Well, uh, thanks for our talk. It's been a while since I had a stimulating conversation."
House, So what're you gonna do?
Sidas, Go back to my life.
Taub, Which one?
Sidas, The one that has my wife in it.
Taub, Robotripping. How's she feel about that?
Sidas," Well, she doesn't have to know. It's worked for 12 years."
House, [standing] Tell your brain I said good-bye.
Taub," Einstein is giving himself a lobotomy, and you're cool with that?"
House, Ignorance is bliss.
Taub," Hold that pose. [He whips out a camera and takes a picture of House.] I'll start with t-shirts and mugs, and see how it goes."
Taub, Home early.
Rachel, What happened to him? You beat up House?
Taub, Just one right hook.
Rachel, Why? What happened?
Taub," You were right. I told him we need to lay down some ground rules, got a little heated."
Rachel, That's not what I meant. Is he okay? Are you gonna be fired? Arrested?
Taub, Everything's fine.
Rachel, [staring at the picture] Wow.
House, [rising] Dr. Cuddy. Can we at least be civil?
Cuddy, How's your nose?
House, It's okay. Does your kid like animals? I got tickets to that holiday carnival. I hear they have a nice petting zoo.
Cuddy, I think I was pretty clear before.
House, I don't mean with me. Here. Take 'em. Enjoy.
Cuddy," No, thanks."
House," They're not fake. I didn't steal them. One of the nurses was selling 'em for her kid's scout trip. I know it doesn't make things right between us, but I just wanted to do something nice."
Cuddy, [looking pained.] I don't want them.
House, Okay.
Cuddy, I'll see you tomorrow.
House, They didn't split up. She wouldn't take the tickets.
Wilson," Of course. Windtalker code for ""we nEver split up."" House, she told you multiple times she wants nothing to do with you."
House," I wasn't gonna be there. She just felt guilty that I felt guilty, so she couldn't take them."
Wilson, Either that or she didn't want to appease you.
House," These weren't reparations. Just a simple gesture of remorse, and she slapped it down. They didn't break up. She just wanted me to think that so I'd back off."
Wilson, Dare I ask what you're gonna do?
House, Nothing. I said they'd either break up or they'd stay together. They didn't break up.
Wilson, And you're okay with that?
House, It is what it is.
Wilson, Good for you.
House, [pulling the bandaid off] Aah.
Cuddy, House knows I lied.
Lucas, Why? What'd he say?
Cuddy, Nothing. I could just tell.
Lucas, You want to stage another breakup?
Cuddy," No. [picking up Rachel] Oh, hi. It seems like he's gonna leave us alone."
Lucas, Why would he do that?
Cuddy, I'm not completely sure.
Lucas," So, we have his blessing?"
Cuddy, I guess so.
Lucas, I made you some eggplant Parmesan. Maybe House isn't so bad after all.
Cuddy," That would be nice, wouldn't it?"
Wilson, Oh. How the...
House," (singing) Well, I guess it would be nice, if I could touch your body, I know not Everybody has got a body like you. Baaby."
Wilson," You know, most people go for the hardwood or carpeting. I think guitars and garbage work just as well."
House, Got the urge to play last night. Had to go all the way back to my apartment. Thought I'd save on future trips.
Wilson, Hmm. That's very eco-friendly of you. How about keeping down on the noise pollution?
House, (looking at his watch) 6:33. You should be flossing by now.
Wilson," I'm not going to work today. I'm going hunting. (Wilson holds out his hands to stop House from commenting, then turns to go back into his bedroom) After I sleep in."
Wilson, Ah. Ah.
House, Is it that time of year again? He's a self-important jerk.
Wilson, He's my friend.
House, He's a self-important jerk.
Wilson, (clearly annoyed) Seems to be what I'm attracted to.
House, Guy calls you Jim. Doesn't Even know your name.
Wilson," Jim is short for James. Now go away, Lim. (House closes the door and Wilson goes back to sleep)"
Tucker," Nice shot, Jim."
Wilson," Oh, yeah. Oh yeah. I nailed that tree. (He pumps the gun to reload) Maple syrup for dinner. We should have got a guide."
Tucker," Oh, doesn't count as new adventure if you have someone holding your hand."
Wilson," On the other hand, we are holding weapons and have no idea what we're doing. Fun."
Tucker, We need to sneak up on them. I read somewhere that the Native Americans say turkeys know what you're thinking.
Wilson, So I should stop thinking about GerMan porn.
Tucker," (looking through his binoculars) No, no. That'll lure them closer."
Tucker, We're terrible at this. (He reloads his shotgun)
Wilson," Yeah. Well, at least it's cold and my new boots leak."
Tucker," Well, it's almost time anyway. Did you bring the bag?"
Tucker," May 30, 2004, 10:07 a.m. Dr. Wilson informed me that if treatment didn't go well, my leukemia would give me only six more months to live. November 30, 2004, six months later, I didn't die. As long as I am alive, I will find new and exciting ways to thank you for giving me another year. (Wilson writes ""Year 5!""� on the bag with a marker) Now move very, very far away from there so that I can be sure and thank you again next year."
Tucker," (sincerely) Thanks, Jim."
Wilson," (patting Tucker on the shoulder) All right, let's see how Many more turkeys we can miss. (Tucker grins)"
Wilson," (He groans and looks back at Tucker) Yeah, this will work."
Wilson, (jumping) What the hell?
Tucker," God. Sorry, I don't know what happened. I can't move my arm. Am I having a stroke?"
Wilson, I don't know.
Wilson, Good news. Head CT doesn't show any signs of a stroke.
Ashley," So he's gonna be okay, right?"
Wilson, I cannot beliEve how much you've grown up in five years. (He glances at Tucker who is shaking his head) She's... She's not Emily.
Tucker," Ashley, my girlfriend. New life, new adventures. Ashley, meet Jim."
Wilson, It's good to meet you.
Ashley," So this arm thing, does that mean his leukemia's back?"
Wilson, I checked blood counts and blood cell morphologies. Everything is normal.
Ashley," So these blood tests, it means it's not cancer for sure."
Tucker, He said I'm fine.
Ashley, So what do you think it is?
Wilson," Hopefully something innocuous. There's a doctor I can speak to who's great... (he pauses, looking intently as Ashley) who's great at diagnosing..."
Ashley, What?
Wilson," (touParkng the side of his mouth) Sorry, that cold sore, how long have you had that?"
Ashley," Um, two weeks. I'm sorry. I-I got the call. I didn't have time to cover it up."
Tucker," What is it, Jim?"
Wilson," That cold sore is caused by a virus. Assuming you guys kiss, the virus could transfer, infect your spine, and cause the paralysis. It's a disease called Transverse Myelitis."
Tucker, And is that good news or bad news?
Wilson, It's great news. I'll get you a room and start you on Acyclovir.
Wilson, (proudly) I just had a House moment. Diagnosed Transverse Myelitis from a cold sore. How cool is that? Patients really eat that crap up.
House, It's why I'm loved. (to Chase and Thirteen) What am I doing here?
Thirteen, Ultrasound is clear.
House," Which means he's definitely not pregnant, right?"
Chase, No gall stones. Could be Diverticulitis. (to the Patient) Have you eaten any seeds?
Juan," (groaning) I'm joining you, Antonio Aguilar. We'll play in God's MariaPark band."
House," Draw some blood. (to Wilson, but not looking up from his phone) The self-important jerk does not have Transverse Myelitis. He's got cancer."
Wilson, How do you Even--
House," (closing his phone and finally looking up at Wilson) Okay. Maybe I paid the redhead down in records a few bucks to CC me on all your cases. A few Patients die, you might get sad again. Make a speech that would end your career. Frankly, I'm stalking you for you. (to Thirteen) How long does a simple blood draw take?"
Thirteen, Almost finished.
House," Well, when you're finished almost finishing it, test it."
Juan, Mi estomago's ripped open by the hand of God. He spilled my blood.
Thirteen, Confusion. Delirium.
House, Why rule out the hand of God so fast?
House, (to Wilson) Your guy's low white count and right arm paralysis equals a recurrence of his leukemia. Simple math.
Wilson, Did you look past the first page of the file? No AML cells anywhere. I did the blood smears myself.
House, It's still cancer. You know how I know? He's got an oncologist for a doctor.
Wilson, And your magical leukemia detector is more powerful than a flow cytometer?
House," I look for zebras because other doctors rule out all the horses. In this case, you are those other doctors. You haven't earned a zebra. 100 bucks."
Wilson, Are you serious?
House," (standing up) Look, friends don't diagnose friends with cancer. I get it. Your pRoblem is you're not objective. Your caring is clouding your diagnosis. Just cut that out and you could be a pretty decent doctor."
House, (to Thirteen) Just give me the lactic acid lEvel.
Thirteen,27
House," (House nods and goes over to Juan) The fact that you can't speak English is not an excuse for you not being humiliated by what I'm about to say. It's also not an excuse for you not telling us that you were a tennis pro. If you had, we wouldn't have wasted our time."
Wilson, Fine. 100 bucks.
Wilson, Is Tucker settling in?
Sandy," Yeah. Already got his first dose of Acyclovir. And don't worry, I ordered his girlfriend the kiddy meal."
Wilson, Hoo-ah. Next Patient on deck.
Sandy," (handing Wilson a file) Del Clinton, day six of chemo. You just missed the grandkids."
Wilson," (They walk down the hall to Del's room) Oh, that's all right. Last time they were here, they painted my tie."
Wilson, You're almost ready to go home. You feeling okay?
Del, I feel like I felt after the last four rounds.
Wilson," In oncology, familiar pain means all is well."
Del," So that's good, right?"
Wilson, Yeah. (Wilson's pager beeps) I heard Jesse and Zeke were by earlier.
Del, Yeah.
Wilson," Sorry Del, I gotta run."
Wilson, How are they doing?
Del, They--they're fine.
Wilson, No game-winning hits? No aced report cards? No school plays?
Del, I guess not. I thought you had to go.
Wilson, (moving closer to the bed) Are you depressed?
Del, I have cancer.
Wilson, You've had cancer for a long time. It's nEver stopped you from bragging about the grandkids.
Del, I guess I'm feeling a little more down than usual. Can you give me something?
Wilson," Yeah. I don't want you to get alarmed, but sometimes depression can be a sign that something else is going on. I'm just gonna order a couple of extra tests. Okay? (He pats Del on the shoulder reassuringly)"
Wilson, What's going on?
Ashley, It's his foot now.
Tucker, It's nothing.
Ashley, It's not nothing.
Tucker, I just started getting a little tingling feeling in my foot.
Ashley, Is that bad?
Tucker," Ashley, it's gonna be okay."
Wilson, It might mean his foot fell asleep. It might mean nothing. (to Ashley) Could you give us a few minutes?
Ashley, What--why can't you tell me?
Tucker," Because you're making him nervous. Just give us a few minutes, okay, hon? (Ashley leaves)"
Tucker, Does this mean that it's not the disease you thought it was?
Wilson, It means the medicine I gave you is not working. I just might have to hit it harder. I'm going to add Ribavirin to your treatment. (he turns to leave)
Tucker," Jim, are you sure that this isn't a recurrence?"
Wilson, So the brave face is just for Ashley.
Tucker, She's young. She's terrified. She's not really equipped.
Wilson," Don't worry. Once you've had cancer, recurrence is your biggest fear. I get it. I've looked at this thing Every which way there is. That's not"
Tucker, Can you call my daughter and ask her to come down?
Wilson, You can't do it?
Tucker, She hasn't exactly been talking to me since I got together with Ashley. I'd really like her to be here.
Wilson, Of course. (Wilson leaves the room)
Wilson, Exactly how serious does it have to be to justify you coming to see your father? No. I'm sorry. I just--I'd rather you regretted coming than regretted not coming. Thanks Emily. (He hangs up the phone)
Cuddy, How's Tucker?
Wilson," Oh, well, he's made a mess of his personal life. But physically, I think he's gonna be fine. Transverse Myelitis."
Cuddy, What does House think?
Wilson, What is this? Is House my overseer now?
Cuddy," No, it's just not always a good idea for doctors to treat their friends, that's all."
Wilson," Well, House has got 100 bucks on cancer. So unless you want in"
Cuddy," Um, is Bonnie still a realtor?"
Wilson, As far as I know.
Cuddy," Do you mind if I call her? I'm, uh, looking for a new place. I'm moving in with Lucas. (Wilson stops and turns to look at Cuddy)"
Taub, (looking up at Wilson as he hurries by) it wasn't the tennis.
Wilson, You're moving in with Lucas?
Cuddy, Yes.
Wilson," You're Bonnie's friend. You know how to reach her. And yet instead of calling her, you come and seek my permission. You want my blessing, and implicitly, House's blessing."
Cuddy, I don't need House's blessing.
Wilson," Good. (He turns abruptly and leaves Cuddy standing in the hallway, looking upset)"
Ashley, So when will he be able to move his arm again?
Wilson, Should be soon.
Wilson, Started smoking again?
Tucker, (coughs) No.
Ashley, What--what does that mean? Is it bad that he's coughing?
Emily," (from the doorway) Hi, dad."
Melissa, Hey
Tucker," (noticing his ex-wife) Melissa, hey. (He clears his throat) I didn't know you were coming."
Emily, I was at Mom's House when Dr. Wilson called.
Melissa, I can go if it's gonna be weird.
Tucker," (coughs) No, no. Stay. It's fine."
Melissa, (to Wilson) Hi.
Wilson, (hugging Melissa) How are you?
Melissa, Is he okay?
Wilson, Yeah. He's okay. I'm not a big fan of this coughing though.
Melissa, You must be Ashley.
Ashley," Hi. (Tucker coughs) Hey, are you okay?"
Ashley, Do you think this cold sore thing could've caused this?
Wilson, (moving quickly) No. WhatEver's causing this is affecting more than his nerves. I need a crash cart in here!
Wilson, Don't you guys have a dying Mexican crooner to attend to?
Foreman, He isn't dying anymore. Found out he was on a popcorn diet. Eating ten bags of microwave popcorn a day. Huffing the fumes scarred his lungs.
Wilson," Wow, that's... very strange. Where's House?"
Taub," Performing his ritual ""hiding from Cuddy to avoid getting a new case"" dance. It's sort of a jazz-fusion type of thing."
Thirteen, He's pRobably eating lunch in the morgue. I can page him to your office if you want.
Wilson, Actually... maybe it would be better if I talked to you guys alone. House and I have a bet about one of my Patients. You guys mind making him 100 bucks poorer?
Wilson, 43-year-old male in remission from leukemia presents with left arm paralysis and trouble breathing.
Chase, I assume House's money is on cancer.
Wilson, Thanks. That's very helpful.
Taub, (reading the file) Subdural hematoma would explain--
Wilson," CT ruled it out. I thought it was TM, so I started him on antivirals, but he got worse."
Foreman, Bacterial infection?
Wilson, Bacteria would move much faster than this. He'd be dead already.
Thirteen, (taking the file from Taub) Could be fungal.
Taub," Fungal infection would explain his breathing pRoblem, but not his ""unable to move his arm"" pRoblem."
Wilson," Actually, if aspergillus fungus balls took root in his lungs and spread to his spine, it would explain both. (Thirteen hands him the file) Thanks. (He hurries out of the room)"
Wilson, The treatment involves riddling the infected area with bb-sized pellets of antifungal meds.
Tucker, I assume you don't just load up the 12-gauge and pepper me with birdshot.
Wilson," No. We have a slightly more huMane delivery system. But we do have to open you up. It is surgery. And like any operation, there are risks."
Tucker," (looking at Ashley) What do you think, Honey?"
Ashley," I-I don't know. I mean, is surgery really such a good idea? He just seems so sick. I just�(She looks at Tucker) you should do whatEver you think is best."
Melissa, Is this the only way to go after this thing?
Wilson," Because of the rapid progression, I don't think we have time to test or try IVs."
Melissa, And he's strong enough to endure anesthesia.
Wilson, Definitely.
Melissa, I want you there during the surgery.
Wilson, Of course.
Melissa, (to Tucker) You gotta do it. (Tucker nods affirmatively)
Wilson, Good. Dr. Chase will be in here soon to get you set for the OR.
Wilson, (to Sandy) Page Dr. Chase to Tucker's room for a surgery consult. And can you get me--
Sandy," (quickly grabbing a chart and catParkng up with Wilson) Uh, Mr. Koplovitz wants to talk to you."
Wilson, Is Everything all right?
Sandy," He wanted to talk to his doctor, not his doctor's assistant. Oh, and House is looking for you."
Wilson, What did you tell him?
Sandy, That you were in the clinic. I figure that gives you about ten minutes. (giving him the chart) Here. Mr. Koplovitz's chart. Go.
Wilson," Hello, Saul. I heard you were looking for me."
Saul, I'm very tired. But I can't sleep.
Wilson, (adjusting the infusion pump) Today's your lucky day. I happen to be a sleep specialist.
Saul," Thanks, Doc."
House, Hey. Can a guy get a little privacy?
Wilson, Nice hiding spot.
House," Actually, it's perfect. It allows me to hide from Cuddy and find you. What did she want?"
Wilson, She was checking up on Tucker thanks to you.
House, That's it?
Wilson, Like what? Something about you? Something you could interpret as being about you? An anagram maybe? It'd be great if you could play hide and seek somewhere else. My Patient--
House, No pRoblem. Just give me the 100 bucks you owe me and I'm gone.
Wilson, Tucker doesn't have cancer.
House," He doesn't have a ball of fungus in his lungs either. Next time you want to use my team, I suggest you at least leave a tip."
Wilson, I'm late for surgery.
Cuddy," (rushing into the room) Ah, your assistant said you'd be in here. I talked to Bonnie."
Wilson, Let's take this outside. Mr. Koplovitz just got to sleep.
Cuddy," Oh, sorry. She found us this fantastic loft."
Wilson, Outside.
Cuddy," I mean, it's not a loft really, it's just more urban. Not that I'm urban,"
Wilson, Procedure should take about an hour. I'll be observing the entire time.
Tucker, Thanks. Maybe it'd be better if you stayed with Ashley. She's more scared than I am.
Wilson," (chuckling) Well, she's... at her age... she's not supposed to be dealing with issues of life and death."
Tucker, Wasn't what I was planning when I went after her.
Wilson, Why did you leave Melissa?
Tucker," We got married young. We... I'm not sure. (Wilson nods, not really understanding)"
Wilson, There's nothing to talk about.
House, (pushing the intercom button with his cane and speaking to Chase) Why are you doing surgery when I need you finding me a new case?
Chase, (looking up at House from the OR) You don't want a new case.
House," Oh, right. Guess I'm here for Wilson. Obviously you didn't tell me that Cuddy was moving in with Lucas 'cause you were protecting me. Which is odd since I told you that I'm fine with their relationship. So obviously, you question one of those assumptions or you have an issue with logic."
Wilson," Yes, you're fine with them dating. But moving in together is a whole other lEvel of commitment."
House," (scoffing) This is the 21st century, Wilson. I realize that the logical course of any adult relationship could one day lead to fornication. Although, the fact that she wants to buy a loft, could actually mean that their relationship is not as serious as I thought."
Wilson," Oh, for God's sake, House, don't do this to yourself. It's a loft. It has no deeper meaning than open-space living arrangement."
House, If you bought into her diatribe about rediscovering her lost city girl roots. And two bedrooms. It just reeks of commitment issues.
Wilson, Yeah. Or she has a baby.
House, This is classic mid-life Cuddy crisis. This is her version of a two-seat convertible.
Wilson," Yep, clearly you're fine with it."
Chase," (looking up at them) Wilson, he's got global lung damage. Means it's not fungal. It's PCP pneumonia."
House," Hmm. Obviously something is knocking out his immune system. Three options. HIV, acquired SCID, or my personal favorite, cancer. I'm sure you'll test for all three. (House leaves. Chase and Wilson look at each other)"
Wilson, 62-year-old African-American Man with lymphoma now in remission. I did a CT and found a small lesion on the upper lobe of his left lung.
Razio," If he's in remission, why did you bother scanning him?"
Wilson," During a routine follow-up, I realized the Patient was depressed."
Razio, (impressed) Wow. That's quite a call.
Wilson, Thanks. The treatment indiCate--
House," Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were in the middle of something."
Wilson," It's a conference room, with glass walls. You thought I'd be alone?"
House, Your Patient has cancer. Not that guy. Who pRobably also has cancer. And he's pRobably also your buddy. (handing Wilson a sheet of test results) Thought you'd want to know. And you owe me 100 bucks.
Wilson, You have acute lymphoblastic leukemia. A.L.L.
Melissa," (taking Tucker's hand) So, it is a recurrence."
Wilson, No. It's different. It's a second leukemia. PRobably caused by the chemotherapy we gave him five years ago.
Tucker, That's why you didn't see it. Maybe they can rename it ironic leukemia.
Wilson, This is not the end. Tests show that the cancer is limited to your brain. That's good news.
Ashley, How can cancer in his head be good news?
Wilson, The blood-brain barrier separates the blood in your head from the blood in your body. Keeps the cancer bottled up. We can go for a cure.
Melissa, So give me the numbers. What are we looking at?
Wilson, 90% chance of cure.
Melissa, Really. What if we're in the 10%?
Wilson, Steady decline. But six months of a good quality life.
Emily, Does he have to go through another bone marrow transplant?
Wilson, No. Chemotherapy. We can go at this with drugs alone.
Melissa, When do we get started?
Wilson, We begin by surgically planting a shunt so we can get the drugs directly into your brain. I already booked the OR.
Tucker, You're the only one who can make cancer sound like good news.
Wilson," We get it out of your head and you walk out of here, paralysis gone and cancer-free."
Wilson," We also need you to sign a health care proxy. If something goes wrong in surgery, someone needs to be appointed to make decisions for you."
Ashley, What are the chances of that happening?
Wilson, Very remote.
Tucker, I think maybe Melissa should be my proxy.
Ashley, What? No.
Foreman, Coming through. House got a new case.
House," (stopping to hand Wilson a piece of paper) Revised OR schedule. Sorry, Wilson, had to bump you. It's not like your guy's bleeding out of his eyes."
Wilson," House, your guy's not bleeding out of his eyes either."
House, The nurse who books the OR thinks he is.
Wilson, Your case is no more urgent than mine.
House," (pushing through the doors of the surgical suite) Yeah, but you're way more Patient."
Wilson, It's okay. You can talk about the--the paperwork in the prep area.
Ashley, You trust her more than me.
Tucker," (hoarsely) About this, yes. (He clears his throat) You've been through the good stuff, but Melissa's been to hell and back with me. She gives me the best shot of getting through this."
Ashley, You still love her.
Tucker, Don't be silly. I love you. Please... don't make this into more than it is.
Wilson," Okay, anything?"
Tucker, No.
Wilson, Can you feel this?
Tucker, No.
Wilson, How about here?
Tucker, No.
Wilson, (moving up to Tucker's arm) Where is Everybody?
Tucker, Melissa and Emily went downstairs to get some breakfast.
Wilson, Ashley?
Tucker, She had work to do.
Wilson, (testing Tucker's arm with the hammer) I thought she was off today.
Tucker," Well, she didn't really have work to do. She was just pissed so she pretended to have work to do. I let her pretend."
Wilson, Okay. Move your fingers.
Wilson, (sighing) The chemo's not working.
Tucker, Does that mean it's not cancer?
Wilson, No. It means the chemo from your first round of treatment has made the leukemia resistant.
Tucker, So I'm in the 10% that don't get cured.
Wilson, Maybe not.
House, We just removed a screw from a guy's lung. And the weird thing is he didn't get better. Any idea what that means?
Wilson, It means you're not listening to me.
House, No. It means I'm ignoring you to make a point. There is a difference.
Wilson, The pRoblem with that technique is I have no idea what point you're making.
House," That your idea is implicitly not worth responding to. Doubling your Patient's chemo dose is stupid. Damn, now it's explicit."
Wilson, It could swamp out the resistance of the cancer cells.
House, The fact that it theoretically should work doesn't make it any less stupid.
Wilson, Of course it does. It's exactly what you would do.
House, I'm me. You're you.
Wilson, And a table is a table.
House," And chemo is poison. And double chemo is double poison. And I can handle it when things go wrong. You can't. And things could go very,"
Wilson, I can handle it. (He turns and walks away)
Tucker, Sounds pretty dangerous.
Wilson, It is.
Tucker," What do you think, Mel?"
Melissa, (She is sitting in a chair beside the bed) I think you should call Ashley.
Tucker, You're my family. I'm sorry I forgot that. (Tucker reaches for Melissa's hand)
Emily," I think that you should try, whatEver could keep you with us longer."
Melissa, Yeah.
Emily, Look.
Tucker, I can move them.
Wilson, Hey!
Melissa, Thank you.
Tucker," What is it, Jim?"
Wilson, I'm gonna need to run some tests. (Tucker looks worried)
Taub, Intraepidermal superficial bullae. Could be pemphigus.
Thirteen, Or it could be from the fire.
Taub," Either way, he's dead. (House enters the lab) We can't stop the oozing."
House, Don't care. I'm here because (looking at his watch) it's 1:15 and Wilson started testing at 12:45. Which means...
Wilson, The cancer's gone. But over half his hepatocytes are dead.
Taub, In only 24 hours?
Wilson, (turning to face House) He needs a new liver.
House, Look on the bright side. You can publish the results of this case study. No one will Ever double the dose again.
Wilson," The double dose of chemo got rid of your cancer. But, it also trashed your liver. If I don't find you a new liver, you've only got about 24 hours left."
Emily, So what do we do now?
Wilson," Your father's been moved to the top of the transplant list. But, all we really can do is wait."
Melissa, That's it? We wait? Tell me something that I can do.
Wilson," I'm sorry, Mel. You and Emily don't match Tuck's blood type. And neither does Ashley. So a live liver donation is out. The best thing to do is just what you've been doing. Be together."
House, Hope he already told you that you're gonna die. 'Cause it's gonna make what I'm about to say a lot more relevant.
Wilson," House, I know it's raining out there in the hallway, but�"
House," I was just in the ER, testing my Patient for autonomic dysfunction. It's the only department with a shower big enough for the whole team, plus the cardiac monitors, plus me. Anyway, relevant part, we're just wheeling the guy out, trauma came in. Motorcycle versus semi."
Wilson, How bad?
House, Bad for the motorcycle. Good for your liver. Blood type's a match.
Wilson, Why wasn't I paged?
House, Because there's a pRoblem. No organ donor card. Dead guy's sister
Wilson, Where is she?
House, 20 minutes away. (House and Wilson rush out of the room)
Wilson," How do you get the call that your brother's dead and then run out the door? ""Oh--oh--oh, that reminds me, I-I had dry cleaning to pick up."""
House, Did Cuddy buy the place?
Wilson, Not yet. You okay?
House, Just making conversation. Yours was getting boring.
Wilson, What are you planning?
House, I'm not planning anything.
Wilson, And I don't beliEve you. How are you gonna punish her for dating Lucas?
House," Okay, now this conversation is getting boring."
Wilson, Are you really okay?
House, (loudly) No! I am not okay. Not Even close.
Wilson," Wow. Okay. See, that's very adult of you."
House," No, it isn't. It's just me accepting the fact that there's nothing I can do and moving on."
Wilson," Which is, I think, the definition of adulthood."
House," Well, if it is, being a kid is a lot more fun."
House, Showtime. (He gets out of the car and he and Wilson walk up the driveway)
Aikoa Tanaka," I didn't speak to him for years. But when my parents died, at their funeral, we made peace. Our parents must've blessed it."
Wilson, And I'm sure they would want him to do good with his last act in this world.
Aikoa Tanaka," They wanted us to be friends. Our relationship wasn't strong, but it was growing. If I allow you to defile his body, it will destroy that bond. The Itai will be harmed."
Wilson, (trying not to sound too desperate) It will save my Patient's life.
House, (approaParkng Aikoa) What if I told you that he wasn't dead?
Aikoa Tanaka, Are you saying my brother is still alive?
House, I'm saying you're being an idiot. But I don't have time to talk you out of your religion so I'm stuck with giving you a technicality that will let you justify
Aikoa Tanaka, Then I'm not defiling a dead body.
Wilson, (interrupting) House.
House, The last generous act of a living person.
Wilson," (interrupting again) House, it's too late. The liver's started to degrade. It's no longer viable for transplant."
House, Well played. Religion just killed another person.
Tucker," It's not fair, Jim. You just helped me get my family back together. I'm--I'm not ready. (Melissa sniffles) I would've had six more months with them if you hadn't given me that extra chemo. Now I have less than one day."
Wilson, I'm sorry. We knew the risks.
Tucker, I don't want to lose them again. I can't lose them again.
Wilson, There's nothing more we can do.
Tucker," Five years ago, when I needed a transfusion, you used your own blood. We have the same type. Which means you can give me a part of your liver."
Wilson, I'm your doctor.
Tucker, You're my friend. Should I die because you're also my doctor?
Wilson, Of course not.
Tucker," Fine then, you're fired. Now you're just my friend. Now you can do what's right."
Wilson," Tucker, it's... I can't."
House, Late night with the Pigeon sisters?
Wilson," Every now and again, I'd like to come home without getting interrogated."
[From the TV," ""I'll nEver betray the secret of the bushido of the heel""�]"
House, Someone's cranky. (looking at his watch) And late. Where were you?
Wilson, (going into the kitchen) getting a drink. What--why are all my frozen dinners thawing on the counter?
House, I needed room for my margarita jello shots. I used test tubes as bottles so they'll be shaped like my cane.
House, Why'd you go out drinking alone when you got such great company here?
Wilson, (He leans on the doorway and pauses) Tucker wants me to donate a lobe of my liver to him.
House, And you were out drinking. So you're actually considering this?
Wilson, Yeah. I was out marinating my liver in alcohol to get it ready for the transplant. Yeah.
House," (standing up) Your mouth says no, but your pathetic attempt at a deflection has guilt written all over it."
Wilson, It's my fault. It is my fault! I gave him too much chemo.
House, You cured his cancer.
Wilson, And killed him in the process.
House, Quibbles.
House, He's had a predictable complication. Surprise. Bad things happen to people who are sick. Doesn't make you responsible.
Wilson," Oh, no--not legally. Ethically. Ethically!"
House," A table is a table. Don't be a doormat, Wilson."
Wilson," (angrily) Boy, you are-- you willfully ruined my food and have taken over my living room because you already think I'm a doormat! You know what... (He takes House's test tube jello shots out of the freezer and dumps them in the trash) you're wrong. (He pushes some of House's books off of a table and onto the floor) (House actually looks contrite) Clean up your stuff and get out. (He smacks the doorframe as he walks toward his bedroom) You're wrong. (He goes into his bedroom and slams the door)"
Wilson, How's Tucker?
Sandy," Um, still not dancing. But scans came in on Del Clinton. (She hands a file to Wilson) It's good news."
Wilson, Thanks. Let me know as soon as Tucker takes a turn for the worse. I want to be there.
Wilson, See that small spot at the top of the lung? That was then. This is now. Spot's gone.
Del," That tiny little spot, huh?"
Wilson," Yeah. It's not too impressive, is it?"
Del, That little dot could've killed me?
Wilson," Yeah. Fortunately, we caught it early. It's gonna be okay."
Del, That's amazing. You got all this off me not talking about my grandkids.
Cuddy," (speaking on the phone) Thanks, Bonnie. Just gonna have to sit tight for awhile. Okay. (She hangs up) (to Wilson) I put an offer on the loft. Seller turned me down. I offered exactly what a similar unit sold for three months ago."
Wilson, I want to donate a lobe of my liver to Tucker.
Cuddy, That's insane.
Wilson, I'm donating a small portion of--
Cuddy, You have hundreds of Patients.
Wilson," And until I run out of excess organs, why shouldn't I do Everything I can to help them?"
Cuddy," Because you're a doctor, not a donor."
Wilson," (He laughs, pauses, then faces Cuddy) Why did you make me the head of oncology?"
Cuddy," Not because you have the most organs. You're thoughtful, caring."
Wilson," Yeah, caring. By your own criteria, a strength and not a weakness."
Cuddy, This is coming out of guilt.
Wilson, This is coming out of friendship. I have a friend
Cuddy, Okay. (Wilson leaves)
Wilson, Call me a doormat-- get it all out of your system-- but I'm doing it.
House, (rising) Why?
Wilson, He's my friend.
House, I'm your friend. All the pain pills I've taken. What if I need your liver?
Wilson, Right. How selfish of me not to have considered your possible future needs.
House, They're all dying. They're all your friends.
Wilson," I'm not here for an argument, House."
House," No, right, that's room 12A. So why are you here? Want to make sure that I've called the moving van?"
Wilson," No. The operation is in two hours, and I'd like you to be there with me."
House, No.
Wilson, What-- why?
House," (looking Wilson right in the eye and sounding emotionally vulnerable) Because if you die, I'm alone. (He looks away and sits back down behind his desk, rubbing his leg)"
Tucker," Thanks, Jim. (Wilson smiles)"
Wilson, How you feeling?
Tucker," Can't complain, considering if it weren't for you, I'd be dead--twice. You?"
Wilson, I feel good. (He notices a packed duffle bag sitting on the bed) Sending out your laundry?
Tucker, Going to rehab. Some place up in Katonah.
Wilson," Up by your new House, not near your old House."
Tucker, Easier on Ashley.
Wilson, (trying to hide his disdain) I see.
Tucker, I was thrilled to get the family back together and Melissa's great
Ashley," Hi, Jim."
Wilson," (wheeling himself out) Actually, it's James."
House, (taking off his glasses and putting them in his shirt pocket) You ready to admit that he's a self-important jerk?
Wilson, I still feel good about what I did.
House, You don't feel angry?
Wilson, Ah. I'm a little disappointed.
House, Disappointment is anger for wimps. You don't have to be so gentle about Everything. It's okay to get angry once in a while.
Wilson, You can't change a table.
House," Actually, you can. Just need a coat of paint and the guts to use it."
Wilson, Bonnie.
Wilson, Bonnie told me what Cuddy bid.
House, You're gonna outbid her?
Wilson, (wandering over to the kitchen area) We do need a bigger refrigerator. She hurt my friend. She should be punished.
House, You got mad. I'm proud of you. Cuddy won't share that sentiment. How are you gonna explain it to her?
Wilson, I'm changing our address to a P.O. box.
House, (looking around at the fireplace and the large windows) She'll find out Eventually.
Wilson, (hoisting himself up onto the kitchen counter) A pRoblem delayed is a pRoblem denied.
Wilson, Bonnie. I'll take it.
House, Baby steps.
Eddie, So I'm thinking 35.
Marco, Seems high to me.
Eddie, That's a fair price for quality like this.
Marco, I'll give you 30.
Mickey, What? I thought you were joking. I didn't...
Marco," Who am I dealing with here, Eddie? Him or you?"
Eddie," Mickey, relax. Now, if things move forward with Gorski, he lets us into Philly, then maybe I cut you a break."
Marco," You cut me a break now, or maybe you don't get with Gorski."
Eddie," [sighs and starts packing up the car's hatchback.] Marco... I thought we had an understanding. [Tommy, Marco's associate, cocks his gun and points it at Eddie.] Whoa, whoa."
Marco," Tommy, don't be stupid. Put the gun down."
Tommy," First, he shows you some respect."
Mickey," [approaches him with his arms held wide] Hey, you just ""� just listen to your boss, all right, moron?"
Tommy, You shut up!
Mickey," Just relax, buddy."
Tommy," Agh! Oh, God!"
Marco, What the hell were you thinking?
Tommy, [hopping around] I didn't shoot him!
Marco, Are you sure? Look at him. He's face-down on the pavement!
Tommy, I nailed myself in the foot! God!
Eddie," I""�I don't think he's hit."
Marco, Then what happened?
Tommy, [hopping to a car] Let's get outta here! [Marco joins him.]
Eddie," Come on, Mickey, wake up. [Marco's car starts up.] Mickey! Wake up!"
Mickey, We almost done here?
House," Assuming you did this shaving your forehead... Okay, then. I'm ordering a head C.T."
Mickey," No, I don't have a headache. I'm not dizzy. Eddie, I gotta get back."
Eddie, You gotta stay here. We'll straighten out that mess with Marco tomorrow. Let the doc do his job.
House," Actually, stitParkng you up is really the E.R. doc's job."
Mickey, Yeah. Too long of a wait.
House," Yeah. Also, a lot of cops in the E.R. [pause] Not that you care about that. So how did this happen? [looks from Mickey to Eddie] Yeah, you're right. That was a stupid question. 'Cause the answer's kind of obvious. No scrapes on your hands means you didn't try to break your fall. Means either out cold or totally disoriented when you went down. No sign of trauma other than the cut means no one hit you in the head. Powder burn on your jacket sleEve means someone shot a gun."
Mickey," All right, Eddie. Come on, let's go."
House," I don't care what you guys are into. If you don't get this checked out, it'll happen again."
Eddie, Whoa. What will?
House," This. [He slams his cane against the paper-covered exam table. It makes an explosively loud ""crack""� sound. Mickey and Eddie stare at House for a seconds then Mickey crumples to the floor. House peers over the exam table at him.] Cool."
House," 32-year-old Man, recent dEveloped loud-noise-induced vertigo. C.T. was clean. No internal bleeding, no edema. Everything else is in the file. [He sits then leans toward Chase.] Cameron get your hair in the divorce?"
Taub, This guy strained his back three years ago. And that's it. All the rest of these pages are blank.
House," Yes, he won't tell us anything. Understandable, since he's a drug dealer."
Thirteen," So he's dangerous and withholding, which you find irresistible. [confidentially] But guys like that, they nEver call."
Chase, He actually said he was a drug dealer?
House," Not out loud. But he was wearing a solid gold Patek Philippe. His friend had a Rolex. But their phones were prepaid burners, so they can toss 'em as soon as they're done."
Foreman," [sitting back down] It doesn't matter if this guy's a drug dealer or not. Noise-induced vertigo means ear or brain. Head C.T. was clean, so I'm thinking acoustic neuroma. We need to do an A.B.R. to test his hearing."
House," Acoustic neuroma fits. So does lidocaine toxicity. Or benzocaine ""� depends what he's cutting the coke with."
Thirteen," So now he's not just a drug dealer, he's a cocaine dealer."
House, He seemed peppy. You test his ears. I'm gonna go test his cocaine.
Taub, You think this guy's just gonna hand over a briefcase full of illegal drugs because you ask nicely?
House, I hope not.
Wilson," So the best coffee's at Geena's, and the best pizza is at Gino's."
Nora," Yeah, and don't mix those up, because the coffee at Gino's could kill ya."
Wilson, And how's the drycleaner on the corner?
Nora, Go two blocks over to Eco-Clean. The one on the corner used to shred all my boyfriend's shirts.
Wilson, Good to know.
Nora," In retrospect, I should really thank those cleaners. We broke up. This is my stop. [She goes to the mailboxes as Wilson heads for the front door. The address of the building, 89x Brook Street, can be seen, rEversed, on the glass panel above the door.]"
Nora," So if you have any more questions about the neighborhood, I'm your girl."
Wilson," Uh, favorite sushi place. Maybe we could get dinner sometime."
Nora, Sure... if you promise to bring that good-looking guy with the cane.
Wilson, You mean House?
Nora, Your boyfriend's name is House? [She giggles.]
Wilson," [turning his head back and forth, confused] H""�he's not my boyfriend."
Nora," Oh... [mimes pinParkng her mouth closed] Heh, I'm sorry. Wh-what do you call each other? Husband? Partner? Lover?"
Wilson, [laughing] We're not gay.
Nora, Seriously?
Taub, You're gonna hear a series of clicks and hisses. Sensors measure electronic activity to your auditory nerve.
Mickey, How long is this gonna take?
Taub," An hour, maybe an hour and a half. Or you could walk away with a tumor in your ear."
Taub, Guy's pRobably late to a stabbing.
Foreman, Impedances look good. Starting at 13 clicks per second at 50 decibels. Check this out. [He hands Taub the paper he picked up in the office.]
Taub, Thirteen's middle name is Beauregard? [looks at monitor] Wave three latency is 3.8.
Foreman," Slightly delayed, but nothing significant. That's what sticks out to you? House is clearly screwing with us. It's a fake paystub."
Taub, Looks real to me.
Foreman, There's no way she makes that much money.
Taub," I make that much money. [He turns to give the paper back to Foreman and sees his face.] And... apparently, you don't."
House, I need the drugs.
Eddie, We're in textiles.
House," [screams, his face furrowing down the center in a very good imitation of Sabretooth from X-men] I need the drugs! Hmm... works for Jack Bauer."
Eddie, Is this really necessary? The chairs in the hall are way more comfortable.
House," But way less genre-appropriate. Okay, here's the deal. I need information. You have reasons not to give me that information. So either I can force it out of you... [Eddie looks skeptical] or I can't."
Eddie, I wish I could tell ya.
House," Okay... Well, let's work with that. Forget the drugs. Let's talk about textiles. What's your major product? Is it ""h""? And by that I mean ""hosiery."""
Eddie, We do more with... culottes.
House," Is that with a ""c"" or a ""k""?"
Eddie," ""C."" Nobody wants ""k"" anymore."
House, Does your friend cut the fabric?
Eddie," No, he's a sales guy."
House," Well, he must cut a culotte here and there."
Eddie, No one touches the culottes.
Wilson, I'm sorry. Can I talk to you for a second?
House, [walking over] I'm interrogating a suspect. Make it quick.
Wilson, [clears throat and whispers] Everyone in our building thinks we're gay. [He clears his throat again.]
House, We're grown men over the age of 30 who moved in together. We're two tigers away from an act in Vegas. They'll figure out we're straight Eventually.
Wilson, Eventually is not when I want to go out with the cute girl in 3-B.
Eddie, Any chance I could get some water over here?
House," If only there was some way to communiCate that information to her. Perhaps using, I don't know, sounds. If only the larynx was capable of ""�"
Wilson, She didn't beliEve me. She sidestepped my dinner invite.
House, And a Woman would only reject you because she's worried that you might not be interested in her.
Wilson," We were chatting, having fun. There was definitely a sPark."
House," When she thought you were gay. [to Eddie]You sure your friend isn't secretly tr ""� [turns back to Wilson] What is a culotte, anyway?"
Wilson, Pants that hang like a skirt. [House and Eddie stare at him.] Just...
Eddie, Mickey hates the stuff. He's one of the few guys I trust to watch the product overnight. They took him away an hour ago. You think he's okay?
House, It's an ear test. Pretty sure he'll live.
Taub, Pupils are constricted. Pulse is bounding!
Foreman, Airway's clear. Need a crash cart in here!
Taub, Gotta be his blood pressure. We need to get it down before he strokes out!
Foreman, At least we know his ears are okay.
Taub," We put the Patient on vasodilators, got his hypertension under control."
Thirteen, He got worse here at the hospital. Means thug life pRobably isn't what's making him sick.
Foreman, Which means we can stop the bloodhound gang routine and go back to being doctors.
House, [whining] But we're doctors all the time. It's so boring. [speaking normally] Fine.
Chase, Could be sick sinus syndrome.
Taub," No chest pain, shortness of breath. Brain aneurysm secondary to polycystic kidney disease?"
Foreman, Normal urinalysis. Kidney's impalpable. [to Thirteen] Is... that a new watch?
Thirteen," Thought I'd give myself a little treat. What if it's not his brain, but it's on the way to his brain? Carotid stenosis."
House, Get an ultrasound of his carotids. See if his arteries are clogged.
Foreman, How much money do you make?
Foreman, I want a raise.
Cuddy, And I will be happy to talk about that at your next review... in August.
Foreman, I know that you're paying me less than Everyone else on the team.
Cuddy, [looking up] I can't discuss other people's salaries. You know that.
Foreman," Now that they know I'm making less than they are, they'll nEver respect me."
Cuddy, [putting down the Blackberry] And who told them how much you make?
Foreman, It's not fair for me to make less than the people I supervise.
Cuddy, Salary isn't about fairness. It's about what you can lEverage in negotiation. Which isn't much without a competing offer on the table. And we both know you don't have one.
Thirteen, Ultrasound showed no narrowing or obstruction in the Patient's carotid.
Taub," Not that he's worried ""� keeps asking me when he can leave."
Mickey," A place in the business of healing people, you'd think they'd have better Parkcken soup."
Thirteen, You bugged his room?
House," Our Patient sleeps in the building where they keep their stash. Eventually, he'll say something that gives away where that is. And we'll find out what's making him sick."
Thirteen, But we ruled out environmental causes.
House, You ruled out environmental causes.
Taub," And you pretended to agree, just so we'd take him out of his room so you could plant the bug."
House, Carotid stenosis was a decent idea. But an Even decent-er idea is that he's got toxins stored in his fat cells. Every calorie he burns makes him sicker.
Taub," If we're going with toxic exposure, we should just start testing for the most likely suspects."
Thirteen, Bug's a better idea than blindly running tests for days.
House, Tell him it'll take weeks. It'll be faster.
Mickey, What do you mean weeks?
Taub, These tests take time. There are a lot of possibilities.
Mickey," No, but I-I can't sit here this long. I got things I gotta take care of."
Taub," If you're worried about all the poor school Parkldren going without their drugs, I'm sure someone ""�"
Mickey, I wanna be discharged.
Taub, I'll get the forms.
Chase, This is ridiculous.
Thirteen, Beats sitting in a lab all day.
Chase, In the lab there is significantly less chance of getting killed. You're too close. Slow down.
Thirteen, We're in a car in broad daylight. What's gonna happen?
Chase, You honestly think he doesn't have a gun in that car?
Thirteen, That he's gonna use to shoot doctors?
Chase," Just... back off. [pause] Hey, well played with the watch, by the way."
Thirteen, Borrowed it from a friend.
Chase, How much longer are we gonna keep lying to him?
Thirteen, Until it's no longer fun. We all thought he needed to be taken down a few notches.
Chase," So we're just having fun, not getting Even?"
Thirteen," Oh, crap."
Chase," Whoa, whoa, whoa."
Thirteen, He's gonna get away.
Thirteen, Shut up.
House," 3-B? You're Nora, right? My roommate tells me you're the one to thank for all the tips about the neighborhood. Greg."
Nora, Nice to meet you.
House," I hear you thought that Wilson and I liked to polish each other's swords. And by swords, I mean pistols."
Nora, Of course he told you about that.
House," Oh, don't worry. Actually, I'm surprised that doesn't happen more often. We're both straight. [There's a flat package, about 6 feet tall, wrapped in brown paper, leaning against the wall. House rips the paper off. It's an enormous, framed poster from ""A Chorus Line.""� House steps back and clasps both hands and his mouth, admiring it.] Oh, my... God, that is beautiful. [to Nora] We finally have the room to display it the way it deserves. Would you ""� would you help me get this upstairs?"
Nora, Absolutely.
House," Nice shoes, by the way. Louboutin?"
Taub, You talk to Cuddy?
Foreman, Shot me down.
Taub," So, uh, what are you gonna do now?"
Foreman, I'll wait for my review in August.
Taub, Oh.
Foreman, [stopping] What?
Taub, Nothing. That's what I would do. But I'm a coward.
Yvette, His friend brought him in 15 minutes ago. Temp's 105. Pulse is weak and thready.
Eddie, He's not making any sense.
Mickey," [trying to get out of bed] It's too much money, Eddie. That wasn't the deal. That wasn't the deal."
Eddie, Is he gonna be okay?
Mickey, Eddie!
Taub, We gave him antipyretics and soft steroids to reduce the fEver and prEvent organ damage. He's no longer delirious.
Chase," Patient went out, came back worse than before. Points us back to environmental, tied to wherEver he went."
House," No, it doesn't. Where's Foreman?"
Taub, He had a meeting with Cuddy.
Thirteen," What do you mean, ""No, it doesn't""? We screwed up the tail. My car was impounded."
House," True, amusing, and irrelevant. Foreman fall for the paycheck thing?"
Taub," Uh, yeah."
House, Mazel tov. Should be fun to watch.
Thirteen, You're off environmental?
House," WherEver he went, it wasn't for long enough. Add in the fEver and infection's way more likely. And if it is an infection, his symptoms suggest it's moved to his brain. Which means..."
Chase, [getting up] I'll do a lumbar puncture.
Mickey," Next time you're tailing someone, take two cars."
Chase, You knew we were following you?
Mickey, [chuckles] I'm sorry. I had to lose you. I had business to take care of.
Chase," Right, because you're a businessMan. Do you know how Many junkies come into the E.R. Every week with their brains melting?"
Mickey," I'll bet there's more drunks with their livers giving out. A liquor store owner laying on this table ""� I'm guessing he doesn't get attitude. [cries out in pain] Aah!"
Taub," I hit bone. His old back injury must have flattened out his discs. Sorry, but I've got to try this again. You okay?"
Mickey," Yeah. An adult wants to get wasted, why is it anybody's business what substance they use?"
Taub, Because some of those substances are against the law.
Mickey, So your pRoblem isn't that it's immoral. Your pRoblem is that it's illegal. [grunts] I got the same pRoblem.
Taub, I'm in.
Chase, Look at his heart rate.
Taub, It's normal.
Chase, I know.
Wilson, I ran into Nora this morning. She told me about your Evita listening party.
House, The London and New York recordings are so different.
Wilson, You were supposed to tell her that we're straight.
House," She didn't beliEve me, either."
Wilson, [smiling] You're doing this to mess with me.
House," Correction ""� I started doing this to mess with you. Now I'm honestly trying to hit that."
Wilson, By pretending you're gay and in a relationship with me?
House," [standing] We're in a relationship and we're really unhappy. Communication's nEver been easy for us. PRobably 'cause we're so closeted. I got it all figured out. Nora and I spend the next few weeks hanging out, become best girlfriends. I confide in her about our issues."
Wilson, I can't decide if this plan is more despicable or illogical.
House," Then, one night, we get drunk... back rub turns into a front rub... The next morning, ""I've nEver felt this way about a Woman before."""
Wilson, That's... quite a commitment you've made to jumping the girl I'd like to date.
House, I'd like to date her. In the sense that I'd like to jump her repeatedly.
Wilson, I saw her first.
House, Seriously? You're invoking the guy code?
Wilson, We're guys. It's a code.
House, You're only bringing this up 'cause you know you're gonna lose.
Chase," It's not an infection, but it might be an autonomic nerve disorder."
House," The hair is still bumping me. Did you get it cut because you're ready for the next chapter or ""�"
Chase, We stuck a needle into his spinal bodies twice. His heart rate stayed normal. If we add that to his other symptoms...
House, That would be a mistake.
Wilson, She's nEver gonna fall for it.
House," [over his shoulder] Well, then, you got nothing to worry about, sweetie."
House, You're a wuss.
Mickey, [sitting up] Say that when I'm better.
House," What, are you gonna beat me up? That sounds stressful. Maybe you should pop one of your beta blockers first."
Chase, You have a heart pRoblem?
House," Medically, no. He would have told us about that. Metaphorically..."
Mickey," It's an effect from operating outside of the law. Sometimes, I have to do bad things. And not always to bad people. Last few months, that hasn't been so easy. A guy got me the pills. [House nods.] And they control the stress. Look, don't ""� don't say anything to Eddie. All right? The last thing I need is the guys thinking that I've gone soft."
House, When was your last pill before we originally admitted you?
Mickey," Um, the night before."
House," And we stuck you in here, and you went into beta blocker withdrawal. That's what caused the hypertension. When he got out of here, he took another pill, and the hypertension went away. Which means it was nEver a symptom. We take that off the table, we've got vertigo, fEver..."
Chase, !and stress. He's been in this game for a while. Either he grew a conscience over the last few months or he's producing excess adrenaline.
House, Pheochromocytoma.
Mickey, What?
House," It's Greek for, ""You'll be back doing bad things to good people in no time."" [to Chase] M.R.I. his adrenal glands. You're okay with that, right? You're not gonna put a pillow over his face?"
Wilson," Oh, great. Cable guy came."
Woman on TV, You know what? It's going good. How about I just learn to keep people out of our business? And that's the real thing.
Wilson, Hello.
Nora," [muting the TV] Hi, James. We've got some kung pao left. [arParkng her back as House finds a knot] Oh! God. Right there. Oh. Oh."
House, We're having a picnic... with wine.
Nora, I'll pour you a glass.
House, He doesn't drink.
Nora," [shrugging and picking up her glass] Oh. Well, more for us, then."
Wilson, Well... I think I might... [briefcase plunks down] have a little... kung pao.
Taub, How'd it go with Cuddy?
Foreman," She told me I needed lEverage. So, I told her about an offer I had to help run the neuro department at Mercy."
Taub, Wow. Are you really gonna take the job?
Foreman, There is no other job. I bluffed. She called it. I'm not gonna beg to be underpaid. I'm leaving when this case is over.
Wilson, House is lying to you.
Nora," I know. And so are you. It's 2010, I mean... You know, nobody cares if you're gay anymore. I mean, you don't have to be in the closet."
Wilson," I'm not, I... Look around you. Does this really look like a place gay men live? A-apart from the poster. Those stools are our only furniture. There are no window treatments."
Nora," Well, my ex-boyfriend didn't Even know what window treatments were. [pointing] Is that Greg's Carpenters album or yours?"
Wilson," Look, House hates musicals and fashion and meringue. This whole thing is an act designed to earn your trust... [deep breath] in order to sleep with you."
Nora, I get it.
Wilson, [reliEved] Finally.
Nora," You're jealous. You know, if you want to spend more time with Greg, you should just tell him."
Foreman," You were wrong. M.R.I. rEvealed no sign of a pheochromocytoma, which means Mickey's stress is just stress. We're back to vertigo and fEver."
Taub, And environmental is back at the top of our list of suspects. We're trying to narrow down the possibilities.
House, [to Thirteen] That receiver doesn't respond to Manual stimulation. Maybe if you took off your shirt.
Thirteen," Actually, I resorted to something more exotic. I call it reading the instructions. Turns out if you screw the antennae into the wrong sockets, it doesn't actually work."
Chase, We lost Mickey just outside Trenton.
Thirteen, [clears her throat] It's supposed to search for an open frequency.
Chase," Most buildings there were built between 1920 and 1940. We're compiling a list of toxins most common ""�"
House, There's got to be at least one open frequency.
House, I need a few minutes with your friend. Or stay if you want. [He grabs a rubber glove and waves it around.] Rectal exam.
Eddie, I'll check out the cafeteria.
House, [dropping the glove on the bed] Why the beta blockers?
Mickey, What do you mean?
House, Valium and Xanax actually reduce stress. Beta blockers just control the symptoms of stress.
Mickey, Whoa.
House," Keep the heart from racing, hands from shaking, and all those stage fright issues. That's why some people take them when they perform."
Mickey, What the hell is that?
House, This is my bug. [He puts it in his pocket.] And this... [reaParkng between the pillows on the bed]
Mickey, Um...
House, This... This is yours. [He pulls out another one.]
Thirteen, You bugged your own room? Are you... an inforMant?
House, An inforMant would have sold his pals out to us at the first sign of a sniffle. This guy... is a cop.
Foreman, I don't see how this is relevant.
House," In the land of no fun, you got a really sensible piece of property."
Taub, Give him a break. Knowing this guy's an undercover cop doesn't get us any closer to curing him.
House, Good point. You know what they say. Information is not power. Wait...
Thirteen, You're saying we should use the cop thing to force him to talk?
House, Force? I'm talking about the Womanly art of persuasion. [She starts toward the room.] I said Womanly.
Thirteen," If you won't talk to us, we'll find someone who will. I mean, you must have a supervisor. A... handler."
Mickey," Good luck with that. You don't know my real name. You don't know if I'm local or state, F.B.I., D.E.A. But, by all means, get on the phone."
Chase, I get it. These guys are lowlifes. You want off the street.
Mickey," They're not just lowlifes. Eddie killed a snitch three weeks ago. Boss' orders. The-the boss, he's one of the biggest cocaine importers in the entire state. And he wants to expand down to Philly. Tomorrow night, he and Eddie are meeting the big fish. And the cops are gonna bust it. But if you guys get caught poking around there, the whole thing gets called off."
Thirteen," That's noble, but you can't put your life at risk."
Mickey," I've been undercover for 16 months. I haven't seen my wife... my House, my dog. I have put far too much into this, and I will not let it fail. So just... just keep me alive for another 24 hours. And I will tell you Everything you need to know."
Eddie," Hey. Uh, can I come in? Nurses out here can't keep their hands off of me."
Mickey," [chuckling] He's a Casanova, huh? What, you bringing me my sandwich?"
Eddie," No, because, guess what. I don't read minds. [Mickey sits up straighter and holds his abdomen.] You okay?"
Mickey, Aggh! Gah! Aaaa!
Chase, He had a G.I. infarction caused by a clot in his superior mesenteric artery. We had to remove a foot of bowel.
Thirteen," Any more clots keep forming, he may not last 24 hours."
House, And the moron still won't talk.
Taub," Bad guy, cool; good guy, moron?"
House, Pretty much.
Chase, Guy's a hero. He's risking his life to put these dealers in jail.
House, I'm sure the dealers who take their places will be very grateful.
Foreman," So vertigo, fEver, and thrombosis. We've already ruled out cancer and infection. He got worse on steroids, which suggests it's not autoimmune. So we're stuck with environmental."
Taub," But what kind of environmentals? Toxins, parasites, allergens."
Foreman, We should just pick the top ten possibilities and treat for all of them.
Thirteen, Except that treating for Everything could kill him faster than whatEver's killing him.
House, Got a better idea?
Thirteen," Sort of. Chase is right. Our Patient is holding out for noble reasons: protecting his bust. Anybody else on that crew got sick, I'm guessing they'd be a little more self-serving."
Eddie, Thanks.
Thirteen, Surgery went well. You'll be able to see him soon.
Eddie," Yeah, used to be all about Ferberizing your kid. Now they're saying it could mess them up. Heh. My ""� mine's six and a half."
Thirteen, Mickey's getting worse. The clot is a very bad sign. We really need you to tell us where he's been.
Eddie," Heh. I do that, there's a very good chance that I could end up John Doe at the county M.E."
Thirteen," Look, Mickey got sick because he had the most exposure. Other guys are at risk too. You don't want to... [She looks at Eddie.] You okay?"
Eddie," I ""� I feel dizzy. [He puts down his coffee cup.]"
Thirteen, Are you diabetic?
Eddie, No.
Thirteen, When was the last time you were at your office?
Eddie, Whoa... did you drug me?
Thirteen, What?
Eddie, You're trying to make me think that I'm sick so I'll take you to the stash.
Thirteen," Of course not, but if you are sick ""�"
Eddie," No, I don't feel sick. I feel drugged! Trust me, I know the difference."
Thirteen," [pause while she thinks, annoyed] You didn't Even drink half of it. You'll be fine in an hour. [She gets up to leave.]"
Eddie," You think Mickey could die? Ah, it's just a deal. I'll take you."
Thirteen, Couldn't have given us a heads up that he was living
Eddie, Is that it? Can we get out of here?
Thirteen, I gotta cover all our bases.
Eddie," Okay, fine. Look... back there. Hurry up."
Thirteen," What are these, more chemicals?"
Eddie," Oh, not exactly. [He takes it and puts it back in the box.] Uh... If this stuff was the pRoblem, there'd be a lot more sick people. [A heavy metal door slides open somewhere.] Did you call the cops?"
Thirteen, No.
Eddie, No one's supposed to be here.
Thirteen," [whispering] Come here. [loudly, shoving him away] I said no kissing!"
Guy, Eddie. I didn't know you'd be here.
Eddie, Um... uh...
Thirteen," Look, the deal was just for you. This guy wants to watch, it's an extra 50."
Eddie," Yeah, private party, Man. Uh... I got it covered tonight. [After a moment, the guy walks off, giving Eddie the thumbs up. Eddie turns to Thirteen.] Nice."
House, The jealousy is... killing me.
Nora, Well... he clearly cares about you. Very much.
House," Why can't he show it in a ""� in a normal way? I'm so tired of... the whole silence and the resentment. I don't know if I can go back there tonight. [Dean Martin's ""Sway"" playing] [voice breaking] I need some time."
Nora, Come stay at my place.
House, Really?
Nora," Mm-hmm. It'll be fun. You know, like a ""� like a sleepover."
House," That would ""� that would be... It would be such a help. Thank you."
Wilson, House.
House, What are you doing here?
Wilson, I'm here because...
House, Nothing you can say is going to change anything.
Wilson," I love this Man. And I am not wasting another moment of my life denying that. [He pulls something out of his overcoat pocket and kneels down next to the table. The ""something""� is a ring box, which he opens.] Gregory House... will you marry me?"
House, Wow. This is unexpected.
Lady, Say yes!
Nora, I'm gonna go.
House," No ""� no, no, no."
Nora, You two obviously have some talking to do. [whispers to Wilson] Excuse me.
Chase, How's it coming?
Taub," So far, nothing. Carpet, paint, insulation. Even the gross food in the fridge. Everything's coming up clean."
Thirteen, Which leaves the dry-cleaning chemicals. Should have the results in a few minutes.
Chase," Foreman's already started him on inhaled albuterol. Chances are, this case is over."
Taub, We have to tell him.
Thirteen, We can't tell him. Won't change the fact that Cuddy let him walk. It'll just let him know it was all because of a stupid prank.
Chase, [sighs] We have to tell Cuddy. We confess and beg her to take him back.
Taub," If begging worked, he would have a raise, and we wouldn't be screwed."
Foreman, Albuterol is not helping. Patient started coughing blood.
Taub," What about adding ipratropium? That might ""�"
Thirteen, Don't bother. We assumed this place was using perchloroethylene. Turns out... petroleum solvents.
Chase, The drug dealers are running a green drycleaner?
Taub," I hate to push past the irony, but our Patient's bleeding into his lungs, and we've got nothing."
Chase," The V/Q scan last night showed a pulmonary aneurysm. Explains the coughing blood. I did an embolization to stop the bleeding, he then started up again this morning. Three more aneurysms."
Foreman, Those look like mycotic aneurysms. IndiCates a fungal infection.
Taub," That'd be consistent with his other symptoms: the vertigo, the fEver."
Thirteen," I didn't see any fungus at the location, and none of the samples ""�"
House, Looks like somebody missed something. Which is embarrassing for somebody.
Thirteen," And... the steroids we gave him would have suppressed his immune system. If that was a fungus, he'd have 30 aneurysms."
House, Somebody's got a good point.
Taub, One bleed to four in less than 12 hours? That seems like an uptick to me.
Foreman, We need to start him on antifungal meds before he drowns in his own blood.
House, [staring at the scans] Do it.
Eddie, How long till it starts working?
Foreman, Give it a few hours. I'll be back to check on you.
Eddie, There you go. Take it easy.
Mickey," You shouldn't have taken her there, you imbecile. They found nothing. You could have got your brains blown out."
Eddie, I had to do something. I couldn't just sit and watch and... [They look at each other. Eddie sighs.] You're my friend.
Mickey, Thanks.
Eddie," You'd do it for me. [slight laugh] Ah. I... I should get going. Got the big Man from Philly coming in tonight. [Mickey coughs weakly.] You want me to stay, I'll stay. Jimmy knows Everything that we know."
Mickey, No. The six months we put in on this... You gotta be there.
Eddie, [nods] I'll swing by tomorrow.
Mickey," Hey, Eddie."
Eddie, Yeah?
Mickey, I'm sorry. You know that... I can't go with you.
Thirteen, It was all our fault.
Taub," We were screwing with Foreman, trying to make him think he made less than we did. Obviously, things got out of control."
Cuddy," Well, someone does something stupid and insensitive, I always figure it was House. Good to know it's catParkng."
Chase," Look, there is no other job. He was just trying to get a raise. Even if you gave him a little more money, I know he'd stay."
Cuddy, I'm not giving Foreman a raise because the three of you decided to amuse yourselves.
Thirteen," We know, and that's why we want you to take it out of our paychecks."
Cuddy, You two okay with this?
Taub, Is there any other option?
Chase, We're okay with it. Foreman is a good team leader. He deserves it.
Cuddy," Okay, then. That is what I will do. And just so you know... I have no idea what you're talking about. I haven't seen Foreman in three days."
Foreman," The phrase ""who's your daddy?"" comes to mind."
Nora, [sticking her head in] Want to grab some coffee?
House, Kind of a bad time.
Nora," Sorry. Uh, you told me to drop by, so... This is when I could make it."
House," Right. [He mumbles something as he gestures for her to have a seat.] This whole thing with Wilson... It's all my fault. We're not closeted, because we're not gay. [She smiles, disbelieving.] For real. [She stops smiling.] Wilson thought you were cute, and I was just yanking his chain. Maybe that's not the best phrasing."
Nora, So you were only spending time with me to screw with him?
House," God, no. I was spending time with you because I want to touch your boobs. [She puts her hand to her chest.] Enough to listen to Evita, twice. And I really hate Evita. That's how much I like your boobs. [She puts down her hand and stands to go.] Wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, wait. [He gets up and comes to her.] Wilson... he's a really good guy. And he really likes you."
Nora," Well, it's really... It's sweet of you to stick up for your friend like that. [She looks at his face.] And you're still trying to sleep with me. You know, maybe I will call him. It would serve you right."
House, Wilson's a jerk too.
Nora," Well, at least he tried to do the right thing."
House," He's been divorced three times. He slept with a dying Patient. Sure, he looks like a boy scout, but then..."
House," The aneurysms look mycotic, but they're not. They're inflammatory. Because this is not a fungal infection. The hypertension was a real symptom. You've been unwittingly treating it with beta blockers. You stopped taking them, and your blood pressure went up. It's Hughes-Stovin."
Mickey," Okay, so how ""� how do we treat this?"
Chase," [long pause] We don't. Hughes-Stovin is an autoimmune disease. Once it's this advanced, there's not much we can do. The aneurysms keep multiplying. Eventually... one of them will rupture."
Mickey, Are you sure?
House," If you die in the next day or so, I will be."
Thirteen," Even if you had told us Everything we wanted to know, it wouldn't have made a difference. You did the right thing."
Mickey, I think I should call my wife now.
Wilson, I'm sorry about your Patient.
House, He died a hero in his own mind. Guess it's better than nothing.
Wilson, Ran into Nora in the elevator. She no longer thinks we're gay. Now she thinks we're mendacious dirt bags.
House, Mendacious dirt bag comes much more naturally to me. Least we can get rid of that. [He gestures at the A Chorus Line poster.]
Wilson, I kind of like it. [House stares at him.] Unlike this sofa.
House, It's 500 bucks. And... [he pulls a lEver on the side] it reclines.
Wilson, [takes a deep breath and sings]
House, I will punch you in the face.
Wilson," I'll stop, if you get rid of the sofa."
House, [glares at him] No chance.
Wilson, [vocalizing the orchestration as well]
Norris, How am I supposed to walk into that meeting with no presentation? How the hell did you screw this up?
Valerie, It wasn't me.
Russ, She's lying.
Valerie," No, we agreed."
Russ, Her team had all the financials.
Valerie, (to Russ) And we were swamped modeling them. That's why we agreed that you would do the slides.
Norris," Well, one of you screwed up, so please try to figure it out, 'cause when the client dumps me, I need to know who to fire."
Valerie," Look, I confirmed it in an email. Hold on."
Valerie, (holding the phone up in front of her boss) Here.
Norris," (after reading the email on Valerie's phone) She did tell you about it, Russ."
Russ, I! I nEver got this.
Valerie," Russ, are you okay?"
Norris, Are you drunk?
Russ, I'm not drunk. (He vomits onto the tarmac)
All, Oh! Ah!
Russ, I'm not drunk.
Valerie, I had no idea he was drinking again.
Norris," Well, you should have."
Valerie, Give me five minutes. I'll go to the business center and print the graphs directly from the spreadsheets.
Norris, Run. And bring me some paper towels.
Valerie, Ah! Ow! Ah!
Norris, What?
Valerie," Ah! Ah! Oh, it hurts."
Norris, Don't tell me you were drinking too.
Valerie, No. Ah! My ears. Oh my God. Oh. Ohhhhh.
Foreman," 27 year old female intense, intermittent ear pains, saw six doctors!"
House, Tell her to stop lurking in the front row. If she wants to hit on musicians that's what tour buses are for. Next.
Taub, If I ask why were in Wilson's office is there any chance I'll get a straight answer?
House, Try it. Try it.
Taub," 14-year-old boy, joint pain and excess hair growth."
House," Tell him to masturbate, no more than 3 times daily. With meals. Next."
Foreman, Did I mention that the 27-year-old female is really hot. And her husband is really not!
House," Wild guess, he's rich."
Foreman, Not unless social workers have begun pulling in the big money recently.
House, (holding out his hand) Gimme...
Thirteen, You're taking the case because she's hot?
House," No, that would be an accident of genetics. It's because she's hot and her husband is ugly. It's a fascinating window into the mysteries of huMan psychology. Also, she's really hot."
Thirteen," Or... She, you know, loves her husband."
House, (reading the file) She loves something about him.
Chase, Vitamin deficiency? She changed her diet a few months ago.
Foreman," To a healthier diet, raw foods, lots of nuts."
House," It's not the ear, it's the heart. Her protein is cheese, which can raise cholesterol. Hers was already elevated. Gave her arterial blockages."
Chase, Cardiac arrhythmia presenting as ear pain. Very rare. Cool.
House," So, beauty and the beast. (He hands the file back to Chase) Who wants to go see? (House's phone rings)"
Valerie," Let's see ""� Dr. Taub, Foreman, Chase, and Hadley."
Taub, Four for four.
Valerie," Wow, I can't beliEve I get all these doctors, and such good-looking ones too."
Thirteen, Yeah. It's almost like we don't all need to be here.
Chase, Your case presented a very interesting diagnostic challenge.
Valerie, Oh.
Wilson, (sighing) You can't sleep in your own office? Or bedroom for that matter?
House, (rolling over) Got to avoid my natural habitat. Some idiot I went to med school with keeps leaving messages and wants to drop by for lunch.
Wilson, So tell him no.
House, It's compliCated.
Wilson," It's too compliCated for you to tell someone you don't like, to screw off? That's practically your hobby."
House, A few months ago he was... sort of part of my therapy. My shrink told me to write a letter of apology to someone I hurt.
Wilson, (taking off his coat and putting on a labcoat) And how did you hurt him?
House, We were in a seminar on flatworm genetics. I switched my final paper with his.
Wilson, You plagiarized? Doesn't sound like you.
House," I was testing a theory. I thought that our professor was biased against me. I assumed he'd get a high grade with my paper and I'd get a low grade with his. Interestingly, I was wrong. I got an ""A.""�"
Wilson," So you're in this mental hospital, delving into your subconscious, and this is who you choose to apologize to?"
House, Yep. Lorenzo Wibberly.
Wilson, Of all the people in the world you've hurt?
House, Not Everyone has a name that's so easy to find in the white pages.
Wilson," Um... I'm in there, and so is Cuddy."
House," Yeah. And yet, I picked him. It's funny, isn't it?"
Wilson," (grabbing a Patient file and heading for the door) Yes, it's hilarious. Great to see what a success your therapy was. (He leaves, closing the door behind him)"
House, (loudly) We said we'd nEver go to sleep angry.
Taub, We did find an arrhythmia. But it's not from your arteries. They're clean.
Bill, Will the pain come back?
Thirteen, We'll start her on cardiac meds. That should help. But we still need to figure out what's causing the arrhytmia.
Russ," (sitting in a chair in the corner of Valerie's room) Hey, Valerie."
Bill, (holding out his hand) Russ. It's so nice of you to stop by.
Russ, (ignoring Bill) I got lots of free time now.
Valerie," You don't blame me, do you? You were drunk in front of Norris."
Russ," No. No, no, no, no, no. I'm drunk now. Then, it was like someone poisoned me or something."
Thirteen, Maybe you should come back later.
Russ, (rising) Okay. I just wanna say good-bye.
Valerie," Okay, Russ. Thank you for coming by."
Valerie, Hey!
Bill," Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey. What are you doing?"
Russ, (to Bill) You poor son of a bitch. She doesn't love you any more than she loved me.
Thirteen," Okay, you need to leave right now."
Bill, (confused) You're pretending you had an affair with my wife?
Russ," Yeah, we're all pretending. You got nothing to worry about. (He looks at Valerie)"
Valerie," Tell him where you were six months ago, Russ."
Russ," I had a breakdown. I had some paranoid tendencies, as they say. But it turns out, I had a right, to be paranoid."
Valerie, You need help.
Taub, (coming back into the room with two security Officers) Get him out of here.
Russ, Okay. Okay.
Valerie," Oh, my God."
Bill," (kneeling before his wife) Honey, are you okay?"
Valerie," (sniffling) Yeah, I'm okay."
Taub, We'll keep an eye out. He's not getting back into the hospital.
Valerie," (to Bill) He's making all that up. You know that, right?"
Bill," Yeah, of course."
Chase, Where are you?
House, Undisclosed location.
Taub, Who are you hiding from?
House," (looking at two framed photos on the coffee table) Wilson. And the lunch date that Wilson is, no doubt, right now trying to sic on me. But in the great game of chess that is our relationship, Wilson sees only one move ahead. (He sits up and picks up the photos) I see dozens. That is why he will nEver mate me. (When there is no response from the team, House clarifies) That's a chess term."
Foreman, That's great. A co-worker confronted our Patient. Altered mental status. Basically accused her of poisoning him. We think he was projecting.
House, So he's poisoning her.
Chase, What could he get his hands on to cause supraventricular tachycardia?
House," (riffling through Cuddy's desk drawers) Does he have dry skin? Thin eyebrows? If you're sharing an amazed look, please do it louder."
Taub, He might have. How did you know that?
House," If he has hypothyroidism and he dumped his meds in her coffee, that would make her heart go boom. (taking one of the photos out of the frame) In a bad way."
Foreman, We'll treat with beta blockers.
Thirteen," I'm sorry, but I totally disagree."
Chase, With what?
Thirteen, With Everything. Why are we assuming he's lying and she's telling the truth?
Foreman," Because she's a successful, happily married consultant, and he's a crazy, drunk weirdo who we just tossed out of the hospital."
House, (taking the other photo out of its frame) And she's hot.
Thirteen," Maybe she picked him because he's vulnerable. There's something off about her, I can feel it."
Foreman," If you had any evidence, it would be ""�"
Thirteen, Why didn't she tell us a co-worker puked on her shoes right before she collapsed?
Foreman," Because it's medically irrelevant. He was drunk, she was sick."
Thirteen, You don't think it's suspicious she didn't Even mention it to her husband?
House," Yeah, Foreman. Why did you break up with Thirteen? Oh, no, wait, the non-subtextual thing she was saying, why that?"
Thirteen," This is about the case, not some imaginary issue that you think Foreman and I have."
House," Great, start her on beta blockers."
Foreman, (to Thirteen) You'll do it.
Thirteen, I don't think he was talking to me.
Foreman," Well, I am."
Thirteen, I'm the only one who thinks you're wrong.
Foreman, Maybe that's why I'm asking you to do it. (Thirteen leaves the room)
Wibberly, Greg? Lorenzo Wibberly. Dr. Wilson said you'd be here. How ya been?
House," (to himself) Check, and mate."
Wibberly," Look... I'm sorry this is awkward or whatEver. I just thought it was nice of you to write that letter, and I wanted to tell you that you don't have to feel bad."
House, (looking uncomfortable) Thanks. So where are you working these days? You got your own practice or you at a hospital?
Wibberly," I thought you knew. Dani's, the organic supermarket chain."
House, As an in House doctor?
Wibberly," I actually nEver got licensed. I didn't graduate med school. I planned on going back, and then my father got sick and I had to take care of him and had some bad luck."
House, Why didn't you graduate?
Wibberly, I was one credit short. And I was sort of already on academic pRobation. So...
House, (almost afraid to ask) Which credit?
Wibberly," I got a, uh... He failed me on that paper you switched. I thought you knew."
House, (hopefully) So I'm guessing you're the CEO of this supermarket chain?
Wibberly, I bag groceries. Life works out weird sometimes.
Valerie," We were gonna do it in Santa Barbara because of his parents. But then I found this beautiful hotel in Montauk and ""�"
Foreman, (entering the control room) You're testing her for a brain tumor?
Thirteen, That's what I told her. You can chastise me after you look at the monitor. Look what's lighting up.
Foreman," Lateral frontal cortex, Broca's area ""� so what?"
Thirteen," I told her it was customary to talk during MRIs, to relax. I spent the last 30 minutes asking her about Everything in life that she loves, then hates, then feels any emotion about at all."
Foreman," (looking at the monitor) There's nothing in the paralimbic system, Amygdala."
Thirteen," Because she's using the language part of her brain and bypassing the emotional. She can understand love and pain and empathy, but she can't feel them at all. She's a psychopath."
Thirteen, Why do you want to meet her so badly?
House, Psychopaths always fascinate me. I think it's their cultural literacy and strong family values. Or is that Jews?
Foreman, We're not gonna be able to get an honest read on her unless we figure out a way to get the husband out of there.
House," Hmm. I got an idea. (to Bill) Can you get out of here? Thanks. (Bill leaves. House looks at Foreman) It was the ""thanks"" that did it."
House," (to Valerie) Hi, I'm Dr. House. How long have you been a psychopath?"
Valerie, (glancing at Thirteen) Are you kidding?
Thirteen, He's not.
Valerie, Are you saying I'm like Ted Bundy or something?
House," Psychopathy can get a bad rap. It doesn't necessarily mean you're violent. Just that you're completely without conscience, you lack any normal emotion, you Manipulate Everyone around you, you're promiscuous, you lie pathologically. Any of this ringing bells?"
Valerie, (to Thirteen) Is that why you were asking me all those weird questions?
House," Yeah ""� though you have Darwin to thank for that. She got the creeps around you. Which oddly, is an actual medical phenomenon around psychopaths. PRobably an evolved response to predators."
Valerie," I'm sorry, you're really freaking me out. I have no idea what ""�"
House, Relax. We have a duty of confidentiality. And you have an undiagnosed heart pRoblem that could kill you at any moment. We beliEve that your mental abnormality is related to your physical one. So if you want to keep on predating...
Valerie, (bluntly) What do you want to know?
Thirteen, Your co-worker's story was true. You poisoned him.
Valerie, No. I gave him a little valium and an emetic.
House," You sure you understand what the word ""no"" means?"
Valerie," I've had them both before, why can't he?"
Thirteen, So you were just helping him out? And I assume he was cool with the whole seducing and firing part too?
Valerie," Russ knew what he was getting into. He got sex Every Thursday night, and I got to take credit for his best ideas."
Foreman, And what are you getting out of your marriage?
Valerie, Same thing you get out of your job. Bill has a trust fund. And I have a prenup his parents made me sign.
House, Told you he was rich. She's not that weird.
Valerie," I'm not so different than anybody else. Everyone I've Ever known ""� my family, my classmates, the people I work with. They're all out for themselves. Difference is, I could admit it to myself."
Thirteen, She kind of reminds me of someone I know.
House, Tell me about it. Some of my co-workers will insult people right to their faces. How long have you been this way?
Valerie, Just how I am. Are you gonna cure my heart pRoblems now?
House, So psychopathy plus cardiac arrhythmia. Go.
Thirteen, I thought you were bluffing to get information. You really think they're connected?
House," Two rare conditions in one Patient, it's a fair assumption they are."
Thirteen, Psychopathy is generally just genetic. Nothing you can do about it. Something that hits 30 years after birth isn't gonna be connected.
House, Her disease isn't gonna lie dorMant that long. Did her heart warp her brain?
Thirteen, Maybe a handful of diseases.
House, It'll be super awesome when we find it. (He stops in front of the elevator and pushes the button)
Foreman, Tertiary syphilis can cause pseudopsychopathic syndrome and cardiomyopathy.
House," Fits best. Start her on penicillin, and rule out Wilson's and Hashimoto's. There's your handful. Wasn't so hard, was it?"
Foreman, You've gotta do something about Thirteen. She flouted both my authority and yours.
House," Yes, and she got it right and you got it wrong."
Foreman, Which just aggravates the pRoblem. She'll do it again. Next time it won't work out so well. You gotta punish her.
House," You're her boss. In some vague, nEver to be usefully defined way. You punish her."
Foreman," I'm also her ex, which, as you know, makes it a little compliCated."
House, The fact that you also fired her takes it from a little compliCated to a little moronic.
Foreman," It was the only way I could ""�"
House," It wasn't because you were too in love with her. It was because you were too in love with your career. We're almost at my floor so I'll summarize. Your pRoblem, not mine. (He gets off the elevator)"
Cuddy, You cut up my only copy of that photo.
House, That rare daguerreotype. You can charge me for the effort it takes to search your hard drive for a new copy.
Cuddy, (she follows House to the door of an exam room) Not the one of me and Lucas. The one from Ecuador.
House, Right. I had forgotten your deep emotional attachment to lemurs.
Cuddy, To my dad.
House, You got his tail?
Cuddy, He was holding the camera. That was the last trip we Ever took together. And I don't have a digital copy.
House," Well, I could stand here all day apologizing, but I'd rather expiate my sins with good clean work."
House, You ignoring my texts?
Wilson," The crazy ones you sent trying to get me to make you feel better about destroying your classmate's life? No, I nEver got those."
Jose, � este qui�n es? (Who is this?)
Wilson, (in poor Spanish) Él es un doctor de medición (He is a doctor of medical.)
House, Tambi�n de la medicina (Also of medicine.) Doctor Wilson me llamó a una consulta (Dr. Wilson called me in on a consult.)
House, Wibberly's got some agenda. PRobably trying to guilt me into getting him a better job.
Wilson, How pissed was he?
House, Not at all. That's how I know he's got an agenda.
Jose, (rubbing his eye) Me duele mucho (It hurts a lot.)
House, Entonces no te lo hubieras golpeado (Then you shouldn't have hit it.)
Jose, Trabajo en condiciones muy peligrosas (Very dangerous working conditions.)
Wilson," If you feel guilty, you should do something to help. You are responsible."
House, No te preocupes. (Don't worry.) El Dr. Wilson es un muy buen m�dico.
Wilson, Thanks.
House, Qui�n tiene una enorme consideración por los pacientes por su propia batalla fatal con impotencia. (Dr. Wilson is a very good doctor. Who has enormous empathy towards Patients which stems from his own crippling battle with male sexual dysfunction.)
Wilson, What?
House," All I'm responsible for is the foreseeable consequences of switParkng papers. A bad grade or a sleepless night, worst case, a retest. There was no way to know that one seminar paper was gonna destroy this idiot's life."
Wilson," If there's any karma in all this, he's pRobably happier than you are."
House," Good point. If he's happier, there's no harm done. I'll go find out."
Wilson, That is absolutely not what I said.
House," (to Jose) Always with the modesty, this one."
House," La siguiente vez que tu quieras drogarte secretamente y confundir tu dedo con un clavo, las gotas para los ojos son buen remedio, pero usa menos por eso es que estas llorando demasiado. (Next time you want to get secretly stoned at work and mistake your thumb for a nail? Eyedrops are a good call, but use less, that's why you're tearing up so much.)"
Wilson," What did ""�"
Jose," Ah, dice que tu eres muy buen doctor (He says you are a very good doctor.)"
Wilson, Hmm...
Wibberly, You want something to eat?
House, I'm cool. How's work? You happy with it?
Wibberly, You know... It's a job. I don't need to take any work home with me at least.
House, Free time... Wouldn't have any of that if you were a doctor.
Wibberly, Yeah. True. You like Parkli? I could reheat some.
House, (looking out the sliding glass doors at the back of the House) Is that your yard? That's nice.
Wibberly," Yeah. That sugar maple, 100 - 150 years old. Most beautiful leaves in the fall. Sitting underneath on the bench ""� It's like paradise."
House," I don't have a yard, myself. You got a good thing going."
Wibberly, I know.
House, (looking around the living room) So what are the boxes for?
Wibberly, I'm moving.
House, From paradise?
Wibberly," Well, my dad's medical bills and me being one of those idiots that got an adjustable mortgage. So!"
House, You're losing your home.
Wibberly," Hey, it could be worse, right?"
House, How?
Taub," Even if the tests are positive, you don't have to worry."
Bill," You're testing for syphilis, not a cold."
Valerie, Honey...
Taub," At this stage, it's pRobably not communicable."
Bill, You think I'm worried about myself? I just want my wife to get better.
Thirteen, She might have caught it at birth. So it doesn't prove she was cheating. If you were worried about that.
Bill, Of course not.
Valerie," How Many weeks am I gonna have to ""� (coughing)"
Bill, (to Valerie) You okay? Why is she coughing?
Taub, I don't know.
Bill, Do you want some water? (He takes the water pitcher off the bed table and goes to get water)
Valerie, Are you threatened by me?
Thirteen, (surprised by the abrupt turn in behavior) Not at all.
Valerie," (coldly) Well, you should be. You let him know what I told you, I will not only have your license pulled, I will sue you for Everything I lose in the divorce. So the fun you get out of making those snotty little comments, is it worth $19 million? Oh, wait, will you hold that look? I'm really bad at showing emotions. How's this? (She gives a little hiss of surprise)"
Valerie," (to Bill, who has come back with a full pitcher) Thanks, baby."
Thirteen, Can I have your arm please?
Valerie, Ah! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! My arm! You broke it!
Thirteen, I don't know what happened.
House," (looking at a lab report and then putting it down on the table) Neither do I, but I know what happened after. She called Cuddy and deManded that I kick you off the case. I backed you up, because I trust you. But you're gonna have to earn that trust now."
Thirteen, Thanks.
Taub," (reading the lab report that House put down) Actually, he backed you up because of the new B.U.N. creatinine numbers. Brittle bones were from kidney failure."
House," There is that. So, heart and kidneys."
Foreman, And brain.
House," Nope, psychopathy is not a symptom."
Chase, It was yesterday.
House," In the meantime, kidney failure ruled out syphilis and testing ruled out the other ideas that would've fit."
Foreman," Protein lEvels, kidneys, arrhythmia. Could be paraneoplastic. I'd say lymphoma."
House, Get her to radiotherapy.
Thirteen, We can't start radiation without immunoassays on her urine.
Foreman," Great, so you cast a spell and magically fix her kidney so she can give us some urine to test."
Thirteen, We have some left over from admission.
Foreman, Not enough for a completely accurate reading.
Thirteen, Then how about partially accurate?
House," Those of you who haven't slept together, you can go. Everyone else, stay behind."
Taub," Oh. Sorry. (to Thirteen) That was our secret, right? (He leaves)"
House, (to Foreman and Thirteen) Go have sex.
Thirteen," No, thanks."
House," Fine, I'll cover the Viagra and the lubricants. Just get me a receipt."
Foreman, We have zero feelings for each other.
House," (rising from the chair) Well, that's too bad, 'cause things worked much better when you did. Would it help if I slept with her?"
Thirteen, We were getting to a diagnosis.
House," No, we were already at the diagnosis. You were creating a fake argument about an irrelevant treatment issue, 'cause you can't stand to be around each other. So have sex, fight or quit, I don't care. WhatEver you're doing now isn't working. (He picks up the file and goes to his office)"
Thirteen, (to Bill) You okay?
Bill," Yeah. Look, I get that you gotta act fast ""� Radiation? You definitely ruled out Everything else?"
Thirteen," I'm sorry, but... We could still check for environmental toxins. Where does she spend most of her time?"
Bill," Mostly at work, at home ""�"
Thirteen, Hobbies? Recurring activities outside the home?
Bill," No, not really. She took a landscaping class, at the Y."
Thirteen, When did it meet?
Bill, Every Thursday night this summer.
Thirteen," You dig in soil, you can be exposed to pesticides, heavy metals, lots of bad things. Can you find out all about her landscaping class, where it was, details like that?"
Bill," Yeah, I'll do it now."
House," So when you watch Star Wars, which side do you root for?"
Valerie, Dr. House. What are you doing?
House, Just checking in on your radiotherapy.
Valerie," From what I hear, you nEver visit Patients. And now, you've come to chat with me twice."
House, I want to know how you like being a Management consultant. I'm thinking of getting into it. That or psychopathy maybe. Which pays better?
Valerie, I think you're already into one of them. Dr. Hadley made a joke yesterday. She said I sound like you.
House," I'm sure you understand what ""joke""� means."
Valerie," So you're not just out for yourself? For example, you would nEver interrupt a sick Woman's treatment just because of some personal obsession?"
House, Of course I'm self-interested. We all are. We're born that way. The rest of us are born with consciences.
Valerie, Which is something you just sound ecstatic about.
House, I'm not saying it's logical. I'm just saying it's huMan.
Valerie," So if you know your conscience is just an animal instinct, you don't need to follow it. I think you realize that. That's why you're talking to me."
Bill, You - You lied about your landscaping class. Dr. Hadley thought the soils might be poisoned.
Valerie, (to Thirteen) You told him that?
Thirteen," I just thought ""�"
Bill," Russ said you were having an affair. Was that your cover? Every Thursday night you'd ""�"
Valerie, I'm so sorry.
Bill," Oh, God."
Valerie," It's not what you think. Do you remember that telecom case I said that we didn't get last year? In fact, we did, and I was swamped. Every Friday morning we had a conference call with London, so the night before I would ""�"
Bill, That's your excuse? You expect me to beliEve that you were at the office?
Valerie," What's the biggest argument we've Ever had? You said I spend too much time away from home. That I don't need a job, that you would take care of me."
Bill," Yeah, that's all true."
Valerie, You yelled at me. You made me feel like you didn't value anything that I did. I need this job to feel like I'm accomplishing something on my own. That's why I lied to you.
Bill," If I call your office tomorrow and I check ""�"
Valerie," Call my office, call my secretary, call my clients ""� interrupt their dinner, wake them up, I don't care. I just want you to know the truth. You know I love you. Come here. Please. (Bill shakes his head, but comes to the bed. Valerie pulls him down and puts her arms around him) It's okay."
Valerie, Fire her.
Thirteen, What for? You seemed to have lied your way out of any trouble.
Valerie, Until Bill checks up on my cover. And I have to create a whole new one to cover that one up. I've done it before but it's a pain. And I would like Dr. Hadley to share that pain.
Cuddy," She didn't rEveal any confidences, and she had a valid medical reason to ask about your landscaping class."
Valerie, We can see what a jury says about that.
Cuddy, And admit to your husband the truth? You're not gonna sue us. We will remove Dr. Hadley from all Patient contact.
Thirteen, What?
Cuddy," But it's for Dr. Hadley's benefit, not yours. We have no obligation to inflict you on her. (Cuddy starts to leave, but pauses when Valerie speaks)"
Valerie," Fine. (to Thirteen) But just so you know, this is not for your benefit. Dr. Cuddy's furious that you put her hospital at risk. She just knows it's a bad idea to admit it in front of me."
Cuddy," Think what you want. By the way, your orderly's outside. But I'd wait about another ten minutes if you really want your husband to think you're having radiation treatments."
Valerie," Dr. Hadley, are you by chance gonna cry? 'Cause that's one I just can't do."
Thirteen, (picking up the phone) Hello? This is Dr. Hadley. (listening) What?
Thirteen, (angrily) You called the medical board?
Valerie, What is she talking about?
Thirteen, Accusations of sexual harassment. You don't think I know it's you?
Chase," Thirteen, come on."
Thirteen, You already got me fired from the case. What else do you want?
Foreman, (appearing at the door of the room) Dr. Hadley. Get out here now.
Foreman, You're acting like an idiot.
Thirteen, (still very angry) She's trying to make me lose my license.
Foreman," And she'll fail, unless you're stupid enough to go in there and scream at her."
Thirteen, Sexual harassment accusations are incredibly serious.
Foreman," If she made them anonymously, the case goes away. If she used her name, we all back you up, it goes away. You're completely overreacting."
Thirteen," You'd be pissed off too if you were me. Or maybe not, I don't know. You're just about as emotional as she is."
Foreman, I'm doing you a favor.
Thirteen," I know. And Even when you try to do something nice, you sound like a jerk."
Foreman, I'm sorry.
Thirteen, For what?
Foreman, For firing you.
Thirteen," Don't do that, that's not what this is about."
Foreman, Then I'll apologize anyway. I did it for me. Not for you. I realized that right after I fired you. But I couldn't admit it. Screwed Everything up. I hope that we can still work together. (Foreman's pager goes off and he hurries out of the room)
Foreman," Something's wrong with her liver. Blood flow is backing up, spilling into her esophagus."
Bill, From the cancer?
Foreman," This isn't lymphoma. We don't know what it is. We can wrap bands around the veins, but the bleed is so bad, that might not work. I want to try something called a ""TIPS,"" a shunt that makes the blood bypass the liver."
Bill," That ""� that'll save her?"
Foreman," It should help preserve her liver and heart. The liver cleans out toxins, bypass it too long, she'll get brain damage, Eventually die. That's still pRobably less dangerous than bleeding out now."
Bill," PRobably? Valerie, she usually makes the decisions."
Foreman, You gotta step up now.
Bill, Was she cheating on me?
Foreman," I can't discuss ""�"
Bill, Just tell me she wasn't lying. Just tell me that. I'm supposed to make this decision? I don't Even know who she is anymore.
Foreman," Either way, you gotta do it right now."
Bill, Do whatEver you think is right.
Chase, I'd give her a day. Two days at the most.
House," Great. You be the clock. Everyone else will be the doctors. Heart, kidneys, now liver."
Thirteen, Amyloidosis?
Chase, No speckles on the MRI. Alpha-1 antitrypsin deficiency?
Foreman, Too much kidney failure.
Taub, Primary hepatic fibrosis?
House, That's our best guess. Start her on steroids.
Chase," Even if we're right, the liver's pRobably too scarred. We've got to list her for a new one."
Thirteen, With an unconfirmed diagnosis? Not gonna happen.
Foreman, How about a family member?
Chase," I don't think the husband is the right blood type. Even if he was, he's not gonna give his liver now."
Thirteen," He left her, I assume?"
Taub, Not yet. Says he won't abandon her while she's sick. She have any other family members?
Thirteen, No one's gonna risk their life to save hers.
House," Man, one false accusation from a psychopath, and you turned out to be a real bummer. I'm gonna go see if Wilson has any liver left."
Wilson, (entering the office) What are you doing?
House, Paying Wibberly's mortgage for a few months. (He rips the check out of the book) Congratulations on another successful round of hectoring.
Wilson," Wait a minute, is that actually a check for him?"
House, No. It's a giant novelty item for winning the lottery. You're just standing really far away.
Wilson," Of all the people to go the extra mile for, why this guy?"
House, (putting the check in an envelope) I don't know. He just kinda smells good and makes me laugh.
Wilson, Why not Cuddy? You nEver apologized after you defaced her photo.
House, Maybe because I recognize that sending someone to the poorHouse is a little more serious than editing a snapshot.
Wilson," No, it's because Cuddy actually means something to you, which makes it much harder to apologize."
House," (addressing the envelope) Oy. If it will make you shut up, I will tell her I'm sorry about the photo."
Wilson," Forget the photo. House, she was in love with you. (House licks and seals the envelope) And all she got in return was abuse. For years you toyed with her emotions."
House, She wasn't in love with me.
Wilson, The fact that you still can't admit it just proves my point.
House," (fed up, and leaning back in his chair) What do you want? Helping the guy was your idea."
Wilson," No, help the guy, whatEver... I'm just pointing out that it's much easier to soothe your guilt by throwing money at a stranger than by making amends to a person you actually care about."
House," You had me at ""much easier."" I'm gonna pretend to go to work now. (House bangs loudly on his keyboard, and pretends to return the carriage as if on an old typewriter) Bing! (Wilson, looking disgusted, leaves)"
Thirteen," Sarah? I'm Dr. Hadley. I'm""�I'm sorry to bother you, but I was told you're Valerie's sister? I was just surprised you came to visit."
Sarah," Yeah, so is the rest of my family."
Thirteen, I was Even more surprised you got tested as a donor.
Sarah, Wrong blood type.
Thirteen," But why? I mean, you know what she's like."
Sarah, She's not that bad.
Thirteen," Yes, she is."
Sarah," Our dad was a mean drunk. I was the older sister. I was supposed to stand up for her, not the other way around."
Thirteen, She protected you when you were kids?
Sarah," Yeah, and then all of a sudden... All of his crap and all of his abuse... It just changed her. It made her cold."
Thirteen, When?
Thirteen," We were wrong. Psychopathy is a symptom. I spoke to her sister. She wasn't always like this. She changed, and right around adolescence."
House," So liver, heart, brain, can lie dorMant, and, it starts at puberty. (he pauses, thinking) The raw food diet made it go fulminant... Nuts are high in copper. It's Wilson's Disease."
Thirteen, We ruled that out. No keyser-fleischer rings.
House, There is one other sign. I know there are lipstick lesbians. Are there nail polish remover bisexuals?
Bill, She's not supposed to be here.
House, As a doctor. You didn't say anything about her capacity as a beautician's assistant.
Bill, Her fingernail's blue?
House, Yep. (to Thirteen) start her on chelation.
Valerie, What just happened?
Thirteen, You're gonna get better. Your body has an inability to process copper. It caused all of your pRoblems. Even what's wrong with your brain.
Bill, And that's gonna change too?
Thirteen, It's pRobably rewired her neurons perManently by now.
Valerie, But it's possible?
Thirteen," Maybe. I have to go get the chelation equipment. Bill, I need you to sign some forms."
Thirteen," You don't see what she's doing? She's laying the groundwork to get her treatment, wake up a completely different person, so that you and all of your money stay with her. It's a lie."
Bill, You said there was a chance.
Thirteen," Okay, there's a teeny chance. But Even if it cures her, it's not going to make her love you."
Bill, I was happy before...
Thirteen," I know. And I'm sorry, but it wasn't real."
Bill, It felt real. I don't know... Maybe that can be enough.
Wibberly, You're really doing this for me?
House, Tax shelter. I'll take some of that Parkli now.
Wibberly, (holding the check) I can't accept this.
House," Fine. Forget the Parkli. Bye, Wibberly. (House stands up to leave)"
Wibberly," (stopping House) I got an ""A+""� with your paper. I was an orthopedic surgeon for ten years at New York Mercy. I had a gambling pRoblem. I tried to cover it by over-billing some medicare Patients. Lost my license. That's why I'm here. Not because of you."
House, Why are you telling me this now?
Wibberly," (sighing and standing up) Because I thought you'd be the same bastard you were in med school, but, uh... (He hands the check to House, who takes it)"
House, (giving the check back to Wibberly) Keep it.
Wibberly," No, I can get another place."
House, Just take it. I screwed you over.
Wibberly," (giving the check back to House) You got me an ""A+.""�"
House, Take it.
Wibberly, No!
House, (yelling) Do I have to shove it down your throat? (He pries open Wibberly's hand and forces the check into it) Take the damn check!
Thirteen, Your vitals are up.
Valerie, Treatment's working.
Thirteen," I'm not sure we can fix your liver, but we can definitely list you for a new one."
Bill," When you're better, we're gonna take a long vacation. You wanna go to Vietnam, one of the beaches, we're gonna get a hut. Just you and me, nothing to worry about."
Valerie, (to Bill) You're pathetic.
Bill," Wha""�what?"
Valerie," I mean, when you had a suspicion, fine. But you know now. How can you be this pitiful?"
Bill, You don't mean this. You're sick.
Valerie," I'm not sick. I almost died and I still might. And who knows, maybe it's focusing my mind because the idea of spending the rest of my life with you ""�"
Bill, Valerie...
Thirteen, Why did you do that?
Valerie, Because he's pathetic.
Thirteen," He hasn't changed... But you have. The treatment actually worked on your brain. If you were still a psychopath, you would've just kept draining him dry."
Valerie, What do you want?
Thirteen, You're feeling something. What is it? What do you feel?
Valerie, I don't know. It hurts.
Thirteen, It will.
Foreman, Heard about the diagnosis. Nice job.
Thirteen, Thanks. Why are you here so late?
Foreman," Discharge summary. Taub's handwriting isn't helping much. Apparently on the third day of admission, the Patient underwent ""rabbit thumping.""�"
Thirteen, (taking the clipboard) Um... Radiotherapy.
Foreman, Ah.
Thirteen," Third day after admission, Patient underwent radiotherapy including external beam radiation... (She pauses and looks at Foreman as he types) To treat b-cell lymphomas. First treatment was... (flipping to the next page) full Mantle therapy..."
Coach, Good explosion! Drive it! [Daryl begins grunting as the coach continues in the background.] Drive it! Drive it!
Glenda, You watParkng 77?
Scout, I'm watParkng Everybody.
Glenda, You don't need to watch Everybody. You need to watch 77.
Scout, You his agent?
Glenda, Just an objective mom.
Scout, His explosion is impressive.
Glenda," It's not just burst. He can pull too. You know, the only reason he went to a Double A school, he was a bit of a late bloomer. He's a big Man now."
Scout, You should be his agent.
Coach," Nice pancake, 7-7! You're moving up those draft boards!"
Daryl," Thank you, sir!"
Quarterback," [in a huddle] On one, on one. Ready?"
All, Break!
Quarterback, Blue 90. Hike!
Coach, Good job!
Another Coach," [voice over] Second lEvel, nice!"
Daryl, Get off my quarterback!
Coach, [blowing his whistle] Play's over! The play is over!
Coach, Save the aggression for between the whistles!
Glenda," [quietly, concerned] Daryl."
Coach," All right, back to work!"
Glenda, [coming down the stairs] Daryl.
Glenda," [yelling] Daryl, stop!"
Wilson, What are you doing?
House, Canoeing. But I seem to be taking on water.
Wilson, This is not okay. Use your own bathroom.
House," No canoe in my bathroom. [deep breath] My leg hurts. Soaking it makes it feel better. You were the one who had to have this condo. Maybe next time you should consider amenities, like two full baths, instead of just the joy of outbidding Cuddy."
Wilson, The guy who signs the loan gets to pick the bedrooms. Stay out of mine.
House," Well then, you owe me 35 bucks for the grab rail I installed."
House, Hit the kill screen. Boss is here.
Taub, It's not porn. It's our new Patient.
House, Bummer.
Thirteen," 22-year-old male ""� 6'7"", 310 pounds. Clearly has brain involvement. [looking at the video of Daryl hitting himself] The guy has no recollection of this entire incident."
House," Football player. Those are the ones that get hit in the head a lot, right?"
Chase," ER CT'd him. No concussion, no stroke, no cortical degeneration."
Taub, And he had a full psych evaluation. He's not crazy.
House, So it's roid rage. You don't think they grow them that big naturally.
Foreman, ER also tested for steroids. He's clean.
House, Only proving that our guy got his hands on the good stuff.
Foreman, The negative test at least means steroids is less likely. We should discuss other possibilities.
House, Why? He injects his sore ankles with lidocaine Every game. You think he's above injecting steroids?
Foreman," Repeated head trauma could damage the base of the brain, leading to a pituitary adenoma, which leaks GnRH."
Thirteen, Pituitary damage wouldn't be visible on a CT scan.
Chase, Could cause the excess hormones that could cause the rage and would elude the ER Steroid test.
House," Fine. Bilateral venous sampling to find the elevated GnRH. MRI to find the pituitary damage. [The team starts to stand.] Unless, of course, there is no pituitary damage, in which case, our guy got his hands on the good stuff."
House," Foreman. Let the peasants handle the peasantry. Your brother needs to get picked up this afternoon... from prison. Your older brother, in case your confusion is related ""�"
Foreman, How do you know about that?
House, He left a message. Said he couldn't get you on your cell or at home. I get it. You're busy. You'll pick him up the next time he comes out of prison.
Foreman, Is that all?
House, You're officially unbusy. Family is family. Take the rest of the day. Go see your brother.
Foreman, I have work to do.
Taub," Do you feel any pain that's deep and persistent, not just muscles or joints?"
Daryl, Everything hurts all the time. That's football.
Taub," It might not be just football. We're gonna test for damage to your pituitary. If there is, it could create excess hormones, which could be causing your pain. It would also explain your rage attack."
Daryl," And if my pituitary is damaged, how long would it take to treat?"
Taub, I don't want to get ahead of ourselves and start promising deadlines.
Glenda," I-I'm sorry, doctor, but he's playing in front of pro scouts, coaches, and GMs this Saturday. This is the job interview for the rest of his life."
Taub," If we do find something wrong, we can go in through the nose and repair the damage ""� nothing too invasive. You'll need a couple days of recovery, and then we can have you back by game time."
Daryl," Thank you, doctor."
House, There's nothing wrong with your eyes.
Jim," Well, then your gizmo's broken. I'm seeing spots."
House," Or you enlisted, you got the cool haircut and the awesome pants, then you realized that your plane ticket to the Middle East was coach, and you decided to rethink your promise."
Jim," No. I've already been there ""� three deployments. Now they want me to go again. But my wife's pregnant."
House, So our homeland should be unsafe because your private was unsafe.
Jim," Look, my wife and I planned this perfect. My enlistment was supposed to be over last week, so we got pregnant six months ago. Now they tell me I'm getting stop-lossed ""� Army speak for they don't care about the fact that I've already finished my contract."
House, I don't care about the fact that they don't care. [going to the door]
Jim," Hey, come on. I waited an extra hour just to make sure I got you."
House, Why?
Jim, I saw you limping out there. Vietnam?
House, Viet?!? How old do you think I am?
Jim," I don't know, Vietnam age?"
House," Well, back in my day, the real dodgers had the stones to run up to Canada or shoot themselves in the foot. They didn't come to free clinics whining for doctors' notes. Go hug your wife. Tell her to get a babysitter. You'll be back in time to video the kid's first steps."
House," I don't need to see the scan. I can tell from your little puppy-dog eyes that his pituitary's fine. Are you gonna say it, or should I?"
Taub, [with heartfelt insincerity] You were right about the steroids. You're a genius.
House, Next time with feeling. Put the cheater on a somatostatin analog to clear it out of his system. Send him back to his football game.
Daryl, I've nEver done steroids.
Taub," Well, somehow your GnRH got elevated. This will help get it back down."
Daryl," Mom, I swear."
Glenda," Who's gonna draft you, Daryl? You're stupid enough to try that stuff, especially the week you know you're getting tested."
Daryl," You guys must've mixed up your labs or got somebody else's blood, because I've nEver ""�"
Glenda," Okay, what is that?"
Taub," Tachycardia. Lay back down, Daryl."
Daryl, [having trouble breathing] Why's my heart beating like this?
Taub, It's not steroids. [yelling for a nurse] I need some adenosine! And get that crash cart over here!
Daryl, [holding his chest.] Oh. Oh.
Foreman," House, next time ""� Marcus."
House," Oh, right. You two know each other."
Foreman, What are you doing here?
Marcus," Uh, interviewing."
House, Oh! Who are we kidding? Interview's over. You got the job.
Foreman, What job?
House," My new assistant. Part of his parole ""� he needs a job. Just trying to do my part."
Foreman, You were wrong about the steroids. Patient had a paroxysmal tachycardia. We cardioverted him back to sinus rhythm. We're gonna get an EKG and a sestamibi scan. Marcus... let's talk outside.
House, Family is family. [He nods for Marcus to go with Foreman.]
Marcus," Hey. Good to see you too. Did you have a hard stretch? No, not bad. I hardly got raped at all."
Foreman, You can't work here.
Marcus," Well, your boss says I can."
Foreman, I'm not playing.
Marcus," Lighten up. Man, this could be fun. I get to see your world. You get me access to the pharmacy. [Foreman glares.] I am playing. Come on, Man. You look good. I'd already know that if you came to visit Every once in a while, but whatEver, I get it. It""�it's cool. You don't want to see me. You don't want to pick me up. It's all justified. I'll just have to win you back over."
Foreman," Let me explain something. This Man who's offering you the job ""� he's not a philanthropist."
Marcus, He seems more helpful than you.
Foreman, He doesn't want to help you. He only wants to use you to screw with me.
Marcus, You know how you can screw with him? Act like your brother getting a job doesn't screw with you.
Foreman," Trust me, it'll be better for both of us if you go back in there and tell him you can't take the job."
Marcus, I'm not a person who has the luxury of turning down jobs.
Foreman," Well, figure something out... 'cause you cannot work here."
Wilson, Oh!
Wilson, Ho-wah!
Wilson, House!
Wilson, [running out of the bathroom] Okay. Oh! Oh!
Taub," We spent all night, used all the fancy maParknes. Patient's heart looks fine."
House," Well, if it was fine, it wouldn't go aflutter just 'cause you walked into the room."
Marcus," Light whip, two extra shots."
House," Thank you, sir. [to Foreman] Judging by the look on your face, I assume you're upset that big bro didn't take your advice and skip town."
Foreman, You told him about our conversation?
Marcus, [leaning against the wall] He bought me breakfast.
House," It was fun. [to Marcus] Put lunch in the books, just you and me."
Foreman, Our Patient could have a PFO.
House," Well, naturally, you jump right to a urinary issue."
Foreman, PFO's not urinary. It's a heart issue.
House," It is? Hmm. Well, naturally, you think it's not a urinary issue, 'cause you're so embarrassed about your own past urinary issues, you don't dare broach the subject. [He takes a sip of his drink while Foreman stares at him, silently.] Oh, come on. You spending the night over at Bobby Samson's."
Foreman, [sighs] I did not wet the bed. I spilled a drink.
House," We're not buying it, Eric. We nEver bought it."
Foreman, Why are you telling him these things?
Marcus, [laughing] What's the big deal? It was 25 years ago.
Foreman," Oxygenated and deoxygenated blood mix, the rough flow causes a clot, explains the heart and head."
Marcus," Like that power forward from Loyola Marymount, when he, um..."
Foreman, Hank Gathers? That's not what happened to him.
House," Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let your brother speak. What happened to Hank Gathers?"
Marcus," Conference tournament ""� Alley-oop dunk, jams it home. Then he runs up the court and splat. He dropped dead of a heart thing right there on the court."
Taub, I remember that.
House, Rage and tachycardia are warning signs.
Foreman," [laughing, humorlessly] Seriously? Because my brother remembers a basketball game?"
House," Hey, I don't care where an idea comes from, as long as it makes sense and embarrasses someone."
Wilson, Are you out of your mind?
House," As a former psyParkatric Patient, I take offense at that terminology."
Wilson, All I did was ban you from my tub. WhatEver happened to proportional response?
House, WhatEver happened to coherent conversation?
Wilson," That... thing... broke tiles, gashed the walls, and pooped Everywhere. Expect a bill for repairs... And payback."
Chase, [conspiratorially] What was that?
House, I have no idea. Everybody else thinks hypertrophic cardiomyopathy makes sense? [Foreman opens his mouth but doesn't say anything.] Good. Stick the Patient on a treadmill. Stress his heart until it stops.
Thirteen, You want to induce cardiac arrest?
House," Only real treatment is for the Patient nEver to stress his heart again, which means we have to tell him to retire at the ripe old age of 21. Stopping his heart speaks louder than words. Go."
Cuddy," Maybe it's a good thing. He gave your brother a job, responsibility."
Foreman, I'm not arguing that he shouldn't have a job. I just don't want him having one here.
Cuddy, I understand that House did this to annoy you. But why is he succeeding?
Foreman," [sighs and sits down] you know what my brother did the last time he got out of prison? He stole money from my parents to buy drugs. He Robbed a liquor store. Then he moved on to jacking luxury cars ""�"
Cuddy, Last time.
Foreman, Every time. I've known my brother for over 30 years. You haven't Even known him a day.
Cuddy, I'm sorry.
Wilson," The exterminator charged $250 to get the opossum out of there, and the contractor estimates $1,500 to fix the bathroom. And why are you jerking Foreman around?"
House, Because it's fun. Maybe you should give those bills to the guy who left his own bathroom window open.
Wilson, Your motives always run deeper than simple fun.
House, I want to learn more about one of my employees so that I can Manipulate him and destroy him if and when I choose. Information is power.
Wilson, Not buying it.
House, Okay. Why don't you tell me my real evil plan?
Wilson," I don't think there is an evil plan. You regret not having a relationship with your own family, and you don't want to see Foreman go down that same path. I think you're actually! being nice."
House," Oh, shut up. You can't accuse me of an opossum attack and underhanded kindness in the same visit."
Wilson, Then I'll come back.
Chase, Treadmill test was a bust. The guy's in unbelievable shape. We couldn't get his heart rate above 150.
Wilson, [on his way out] Your boss is secretly a very nice Man.
Taub, I know.
Chase," If we can't re-create the cardiac Event, we can't prove hypertrophic cardiomyopathy."
House, Either we find a bigger treadmill... or... [grabs his jacket and leaves]
House, Did I miss the memo about you being released?
Daryl, I'm feeling fine. I can't keep laying here in this bed missing practices.
House, All excellent points. Give me your arm.
Glenda, What's in the shot?
House," It's a vasodilator. Since we can't exercise your son's heart on the treadmill, I'm gonna have to do it chemically."
Daryl, What's wrong?
House, You're turning white.
Glenda, What does that mean?
House, It means he doesn't need football to get a good job anymore.
Taub," Raynaud's phenomenon ""� Vasospasms cut off the blood supply to his fingers. Could be early onset rheumatoid arthritis."
Foreman, Rheumatoid factor is negative.
Thirteen," Arterial plaque throwing clots would explain the fingers, head, heart."
House, You really think a guy with stenosis could've aced that treadmill test?
Foreman, You're kidding me. You got him a desk?
House, [turning to look] And a nameplate. Man's got to have a place he can call his own.
Chase, What about Takayasu's arteritis?
Foreman, Lymphoma's a better fit. We should remove his spleen.
Chase, Bold move to skip straight to surgery.
Foreman," His big game's coming up. We don't have time to biopsy, wait for the pathology report, and resect."
Chase, Right. We should remove his spleen without confirmation so he won't miss the big game.
House, Hang an ethanol drip.
Foreman, That won't treat for either lymphoma or Takayasu's.
House," If it's lymphoma, the ethanol will make him itchy, and Foreman can remove his spleen. If it's Takayasu's, he'll lose his radial pulse, and Chase can start him on steroids."
House, [hollers] Marcus!
Foreman, What are you doing here?
Marcus, My new assignment is to shadow you in enemy territory and document your Every word to the Patient. [He shows the small recorder he's holding.] Just don't say anything stupid.
Foreman, You're not an idiot. Don't do this.
Marcus," Come on, Man. I'm a new person now ""� no more drugs, no more lying. And if I can't get my own family to give me an opportunity to prove that, then what's the point?"
Foreman, Mom and Dad gave you a chance and a second and a third. I'm not about to give you a 54th.
Wilson, Why isn't your minion fetParkng your lunch?
House, He's busy spying on his little brother.
House, What?
Wilson, That's very demeaning.
House, You obviously have a theory as to why demeaning is not demeaning.
Wilson," You're escalating to prove I was wrong about you being nice, which you would only do if I was right."
House, Do you Even listen to yourself?
Cuddy," [approaParkng] 23-year-old just came into the E.R., asked for you."
House, What's her cup size?
Cuddy, I don't think his cup size is relevant to his condition. He accidentally shot himself in the foot.
House," [exasperated] Oh! Seriously? I give you a choice between moving to Canada and shooting yourself in the foot, and you chose the bullet?"
Jim, I didn't want to be a fugitive.
House, You think this is gonna get you discharged? We'll patch it up and send you right back.
Jim, Don't patch it up.
House," Look! You got screwed over by your own government, and that sucks. But all you're gonna get out of this is a five-day vacation and a band-aid."
Jim," When I signed up, I was just a guy. Now I'm about to be a dad. I go back over, there's a chance my kid grows up without a father."
House, You got a girl pregnant. You're still just a guy.
Daryl, How much longer we have to wait?
Foreman, We have to keep going until you start feeling something.
Daryl," Might help if, uh, you told me what I'm supposed to feel."
Foreman," If I do that, that's all you'll be thinking about. Then you'll be telling me that's what you're feeling. Power of suggestion."
Daryl," The other black dude who was in here earlier, he your brother?"
Foreman, What gave it away?
Daryl," The way you looked at him. I have two older brothers, and we always want to kill each other."
Daryl, Oh. Mm.
Foreman, Something wrong?
Daryl, Not really. It just feels itchy. [He starts scratParkng. Foreman gets up and comes to the bed.] Is that what you're waiting for?
Foreman," Means lymphoma's most likely, but that's actually good news."
Daryl, How could that be good news?
Foreman, Because it's treatable. We can remove your spleen tonight laparoscopically.
Daryl, Will I be able to run by Saturday?
Foreman, We can get to the radiation in the off-season.
Daryl," [laughing] Hey, Ma. Wake up, Ma. Wake up. I'm itchy. Means I can play."
House, Ahh.
Wilson, Oh. [exhales] What are you doing in the dark?
House, Lying in wait. [He turns on the torParkere by his head.]
Wilson, Jeez. What happened to your face?
House, Right... Play innocent. Like you weren't looking for rEvenge for the prank that I didn't pull.
Wilson," It's karmic justice, but I didn't do it."
House," Of course you realize, this means war."
Chase," Isolating the gastroepiploic artery. [pause] Nearly there. [pause] Foreman, come and take a look at this."
Foreman, [looking at the monitor] Liver's inflamed. So the itParkng wasn't caused by his spleen.
Chase, It's not lymphoma.
Thirteen, What happened to your face?
House, Wilson annexed the Sudetenland.
Foreman," No abnormal ""T"" cells or ""B"" cells. It's definitely not lymphoma. Liver biopsy only rEvealed nonspecific inflammation."
House, [hanging up his coat and taking the drink from Marcus] Kind of like the time you took your mom's birth control pills on a dare and ended up with swollen nipples.
Foreman, That nEver happened.
House," Right, and your nickname all the way up through high school wasn't Erica."
Foreman, It wasn't.
Marcus," Okay, I may have made that one up, with the understanding that my brother still had a sense of humor and would figure out to play along."
Foreman," [not smiling] Polymyositis would explain the head, liver, heart, Even the white fingers."
House," It would also be accompanied by a significant decrease in muscle power. Marcus! A chance to redeem yourself. Does our Patient look strong to you? [Marcus shrugs.] Sorry, Eric. Big brother disagrees with your diagnosis."
Chase, Felty syndrome?
House," You said the liver was inflamed, not the spleen. Can you beliEve they let this guy perform surgery?"
House, What are you doing?
Taub, Requesting permission to share my idea without being belittled in front of your new assistant.
House, Permission denied. Continue.
Taub," [sighs] Our Patient has cartilage damage in both ankles. He gets lidocaine shots before Every game to mask the pain. Team doctor uses the same needle twice by accident, viral hepatitis."
House," D'you think he's an idiot, Marcus?"
Marcus, I don't think he's an idiot.
House, Okay. Go test his blood. [The team packs up to leave. House turns to Marcus.] Come on. We have a lunch scheduled.
House," So, you jerked me around. Your allegiance lies with your brother. I get it. Admirable. But here's the pRoblem. I hired you to tell me the truth. If you don't do that, you no longer have a job."
Marcus," I don't know what secret you're looking to uncover, but my brother is a decent guy."
House, He was arrested for grand theft auto.
Marcus, You're gonna be disappointed.
House, Try me.
Marcus, He tell you I was with him?
House, Was it your idea?
Marcus, We did Everything together. I don't know whose idea it was. I was 16. He was only 14. Little punk couldn't Even see over the steering wheel. He's quicker with a flathead screwdriver than most people with a key.
Foreman," Sorry to interrupt my character assassination with boring medical stuff, but when we drew the Patient's blood, it clotted right there in the vacutainer."
House," So the pRoblem is not in his blood, it's the blood itself."
Foreman, He's been working out in the cold doing two-a-days. It's got to be cryoglobulinemia.
House," I usually love breaking bad news. But in this case... start the Patient on warfarin. [to Marcus, loudly as Foreman leaves, causing him to turn around and look] I'm so sorry about that. You were saying..."
Marcus," We drove for about ten minutes before we got caught, and that was it. When our mom came down to the station, she didn't say a word the whole ride home. She came up to the driveway, turned off the car. We're sitting in there in silence. Then without turning around, she said, ""I'll pray for you."" And she got out of the car."
House, [listening intently] Wow. You got off easy.
Marcus," Easy for you, easy for me, not easy for Eric. His life mission became to nEver disappoint our mother like that again, because he is a good guy. I thought he would tell that story at the eulogy. But I heard he didn't give one."
House," Y""�your mother's dead?"
Marcus," If he didn't tell you, I'm sure he had a reason. Look, you can mock him all you want about peeing in the bed, but... please... don't bring up our mother."
Foreman, Your blood contains an abnormally high volume of certain proteins called cryoglobulins. They become thick when it gets cold outside. It's like a car trying to run after the oil's turned to sludge. We think that's what's been causing all your pRoblems.
Daryl, So I just need a quick oil change and I'm good to go.
Foreman," This oil change isn't so quick. We have to put you on blood thinners and other medications. The process will take two to three weeks. But after that, you should be able to play without a pRoblem."
Daryl," After that, it's not gonna matter."
Glenda," Doctor, if Daryl doesn't play in front of the scouts on Saturday, he won't get drafted. Can't you wait until after the game?"
Foreman," If we wait and let him play, there's a good chance he dies right on the field."
House, I had an epiphany.
Wilson," Usually that precedes you walking away with purpose, so..."
House, [closes the door] Flathead screwdriver.
Wilson, And then I say...?
House, It's not a game. It's proof that you didn't rig the grab rail and make me fall.
Wilson," I already have proof of that ""� The fact that I didn't do it."
House," I can't go on that. But I can go on the fact that I had to borrow a flathead screwdriver from Nora to install the thing, 'cause we only had a Phillips-head. And then, of course, I returned it late that night in a completely successful effort to see her braless..."
Wilson, Whoa. Wait. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
House, Which means that you didn't have the tool to sabotage the grab rail.
Wilson," Braless under, like, a sweater or, like, a ""� like, a ""�"
House," Now I also have proof that I'm not responsible for the opossum, because I'm absolving you of responsibility instead of escalating, which you know is not my nature."
Wilson, So someone is breaking into our place just to screw with us?
House, [ominously] The opossum... was meant for me.
Wilson, I'm so tired. It was exciting till about 2:00 A.M. Now it's just torture.
House, Did you Even go to college?
Wilson," This is the escalation, isn't it? Keeping me up all night, nothing happens, then you keep me up all night again tomorrow. This is your retaliation."
House," You see, that's just illogical, 'cause I'm staying up too."
Wilson, Maybe you napped all day.
House, I gave you empirical proof that I did not prank you.
Wilson," No. No, you did not. You created empirical proof that I didn't prank you, selling me on the notion that you didn't prank me. Maybe you self-pranked."
House, I don't master-prank.
Wilson, Is that cut on your cheek Even real?
House," See, this is exactly what our nemesis wants ""� divide and conquer. Can't you see that?"
Wilson, [getting up] Okay. I'm going to bed.
House," I'm telling you, if you sleep now, you're gonna wake up next to sEvered horse heads. Or worse, the rest of it."
Wilson, Oh! House! [running back into the living room] The flat screen!
Wilson, Ah. Ah. [He gives up and looks at House.] You would nEver sacrifice the flat screen.
House," [smiling] Oh, this guy is good."
Cuddy, [sighs] is there a reason for this?
House," Zer is a reason for Everything, mes amis. I am tro-bled to report that we have a criminal in our midst."
Taub, Guilty of what exactly?
Wilson," [leaning against the kitchen area] Last night, the fire sprinklers flooded our apartment. And before that, I found an opossum in my bathtub."
House," [still ""French""�] You each had motive. You each had opportunity."
Cuddy, This is the emergency you paged me about? [She clears her throat and stands up.]
House," Not so fast, Mademoiselle Cuddy. No one leaves here until they can account for their whereabouts on the Evening last."
Cuddy, [plopping bally on his chest] Bye.
House," [normal voice] Okay, no one who is employed by me leaves here until they account for their whereabouts the Evening last. What about you, Professor Chase?"
Chase, Why would I?
House, Because you hold me responsible for breaking up your marriage.
Chase," I was here all night with Thirteen, monitoring our Patient's IV blood thinners. [He tosses bally back to House.]"
House, Can either of you prove that?
Thirteen, The Patient's alive and improving. Is that proof enough?
House," For now. What about you, Colonel Taub?"
Taub, I was out to dinner with my wife.
House, Really? Your wife.
Taub," Yes, really."
House, Good enough. [to Foreman who is smirking] 'Cause I had you pegged all along. You certainly had all the motive in the world.
Foreman," First of all, I'm not interested. Second, I don't Even know where you guys live."
House, Yesterday I confirmed that you are a liar.
Foreman, What are you talking about?
House," Well, at least a liar by omission."
Marcus, House! [House turns to look at him.] Don't.
House," Get this, class. Foreman's mom died. He Ever tell any of you?"
Wilson," House, I think you're getting off topic here."
Thirteen, Is he serious? Did your mom pass away?
Foreman, About three months ago.
Thirteen, I'm so sorry.
Taub, Why didn't you tell anybody?
House," And to top it off, you refused to say anything nice about her at the funeral."
Foreman, I didn't talk because it isn't anyone's business.
Marcus, [jumping up] Stop. You don't have to explain yourself to this guy.
House," You want to hit me, don't you?"
Foreman," Marcus, don't."
Marcus, I quit. [He takes his jacket and leaves.]
Thirteen, [to Foreman] You should stop him. He needs this job.
Foreman, Our Patient needs a fresh IV [leaves]
Daryl, I don't need two or three weeks. See? Got my color back. [He shows Foreman his hand.]
Foreman," That means you're getting better. But it doesn't mean ""�"
Daryl, It means I am better. My coach had the team doctor come by. He cleared me to play.
Foreman, Did your team doctor realize you're on blood thinners?
Daryl, [pulling out the IV] I'm off them now.
Foreman, You're still sick. You're not ready to go off your meds.
Glenda," Daryl, listen to him. It is not worth the risk."
Daryl," I'll come back on Sunday, Mom. You guys can give me all the meds I need then."
Foreman, The treatment doesn't work that way. [Daryl stands there. Foreman steps aside.]
Glenda, Please go with him.
House," Antibiotics aren't working. We're gonna switch you to different ones, but you're gonna lose your toe."
Jim," [laughing] Outstanding, soldier."
House," As a general rule, before you celebrate, do a little research. The army's medical evaluation board is perfectly fine with nine-toed infantrymen, as long as they can walk and run."
Jim, So I lost a toe for nothing?
Hose," Afraid so. Unless you want me to keep you on the old antibiotics, let the infection spread, and we could amputate more than just a toe."
Foreman, Why are you risking your life for this? Your mom doesn't want you to.
Daryl," My mom sacrificed Everything for me. Her telling me not to come here is just another example of that. I do good out there, I could take care of her for the rest of her life. Who am I if I don't sacrifice for her? That's family."
Foreman, You okay?
Daryl, Everything's blurry. [Foreman comes up to him.] I can't see. Take me back to the hospital.
Taub," The blindness means we were wrong about his ""�"
Foreman," Actually, I'm responsible for that. [He's walking down a street, looking for an address he has on a piece of paper.] Spiked his water bottle with nitrates, dropped his blood pressure, Robbed oxygen-rich blood from his brain, making him blind. Figured a temporarily blind Patient is better than a perManently dead one. Vision was already coming back by the time I dropped him off at the hospital."
House," Well played. If only we could combine your medical Parkcanery with your brother's ability to fetch me mochas, you'd be the perfect Foreman. Where are you?"
Foreman, I'm busy. [He hangs up.]
Taub, Great. So we don't have a new symptom.
Chase," Means we should just stick him back on his blood thinners, and he should be okay to leave in a couple weeks."
House," Actually, we do have a new symptom. Any of you take a look at his readmittance chart? Between the time he checked in and the time he rechecked in, our Patient lost a single pound. Patient like that would usually shed over ten pounds."
Taub," The obvious answer would be steroids, but since we've already ruled them out..."
Chase," So he's not injecting. But he could be getting them naturally ""� Paraneoplastic syndrome. The body produces antibodies, which battle cancer, which could also act like growth hormone."
House, We've eliminated lymphoma. What other cancers mimic growth hormone?
Taub," Lung, pancreatic, renal, breast ""�"
House, It was a rhetorical question. I don't really care. Go test him for all of them.
Marcus, What are you doing here?
Foreman," You need a job. Maybe I can talk to House, see if I can get your job back."
Marcus," Soon as he knows you're okay with me being there, he won't want me back."
Foreman, Maybe I can help you figure out something else.
Marcus, I promise... I won't let you down.
Foreman," Don't do that. Let's just... See how it goes. [Marcus nods slightly.] So, uh, do they Mandate you to stay here at the halfway House? Or! can you come stay with family?"
House, It's Foreman.
Wilson," Well, it should stop now that Marcus left."
House," Well, that's the whole point ""�"
Lucas," Oh, I'm sorry. Was my leg sticking out? I'm so distracted lately, trying to think of something funnier than fire sprinklers going off in the middle of the night. Any ideas?"
Lucas," Whoa, easy there, tiger. I know where you live. You know how I know? [fake laughing] 'Cause my girlfriend and I ""� we tried to buy that very same condo."
House, Why don't you leave me out of this? Wilson was the one who bought the place.
Lucas, And you're living there. You... deserve to suffer equally.
House," Actually, I suffered more now that you just tripped me."
Wilson," Hey, hey, I-I-I'm ""�"
Lucas," His suffering will equal out, 'cause he actually feels remorse."
House, Why would you out yourself? You can't Even imagine the retribution.
Lucas," [standing] Oh, there won't be any. I am ceasing all offensive operations. I have both made my point and established my superiority. And if you Even get to the planning stages of retaliation, I will tell Cuddy that she lost her dream place to you two. See, she's under this odd impression that you guys are her friends."
Chase, There's no cancer. We scanned him head to toe. We checked blood smears for leukemia. We Even ultrasounded his chest looking for breast cancer.
House, Maybe I was wrong about the weight loss.
Taub," You weren't wrong ""� we found blood in his catheter bag. His kidneys are failing."
Thirteen," So it has to be cancer. Paraneoplastic syndrome is the only thing that can link kidney, heart, and liver ""� Even the rage."
Foreman, Why can't we find it? We've looked Everywhere inside this guy.
House, What if it's not inside?
House, You know why you're black?
Daryl, 'Cause God loves me more than he loves you?
House," Hmm. What I was going for was melanin. You got lots of it. [He starts inspecting the palms of Daryl's hands.] It makes your skin dark, protects you from the sun's harmful UV rays."
Daryl, What are you doing?
House," Unfortunately, it also prEvents Even those with advanced medical degrees from considering melanoma as a diagnosis. Other hand. [He examines Daryl's left hand.] On the rare occasion that black people do get skin cancer, they usually get it on the white parts ""� palms and soles of the feet. [He pulls the blanket aside and starts checking Daryl's feet.] But your hands and feet are so smashed up from football, my team are likely to have written off any skin blemish as a bruise. But now that I know that melanoma is the only thing that fits... Come take a look at this, Mom. [There's a freckle between two of Daryl's toes.] There's the thorn in the panther's paw. Paraneoplastic syndrome. Your body forms antibodies to fight the tumor. [CGI of the antibodies traveling through Daryl's body.] Those tiny little proteins travel through your blood and wreak havoc. We remove the cancerous mole, Everything should be fine. I'll tell Dr. Chase to schedule the surgery."
Daryl, Why bother? I missed my shot. What kind of life am I gonna lead now?
House," Did you study really, really hard? [Daryl gives him a ""look.""�] Then the same crappy life that the rest of the guys you'll be graduating with are gonna lead... minus the student loans."
Lucas, Hey. You ready?
Cuddy," Almost. [She puts a check on a page.] And! done. [packing up] I heard House and Wilson are getting pranked by someone. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"
Lucas, No.
Cuddy, Why should I beliEve you?
Lucas," You said I had a trusting face. I still don't understand why you wouldn't let me retaliate, though. They stole your dream."
Cuddy," Well, that's overstating it. It's just a condo."
Lucas, It's not because you feel guilty about hurting House or guilty for being with me?
Cuddy, We'll buy another one. I just don't see the need to make a war out of it.
Lucas," Well, I think you're rationalizing, which a less confident Man than myself might take as a sign that you're second-guessing. [She kisses him.] Okay, you know what? Forget that last part."
Wilson, I heard Foreman and his brother are trying to work things out.
House, That's nice for them.
Wilson," It's nice of you. You didn't provoke Marcus to quit so the pranks would stop. You were becoming the common enemy they could bond over. You are the diabolical, yet benevolent puppet master."
House, I provoked Marcus to quit because he was no longer useful to me. I hired him to get information. I got information.
Wilson, Uh-huh. And how are we gonna get back at Lucas?
House, We're not.
Wilson, [smiling] I win. [leaves]
Lucas," Hey. Slow down, sister."
Cuddy," (putting on her coat) Actually, I need to speed up. Rachel woke up early with a fEver and she's been terrorizing me all morning. (buttoning her coat) I'm already late."
Lucas," Sorry, stakeout went longer than I thought. Have you Ever been to a rave?"
Cuddy, (reaParkng for her briefcase) Bye.
Lucas, (stopping Cuddy and backing her up against the wall) You're already late and Rachel's sick. Neither of which can be solved by you leaving right this second.
Cuddy," The entire hospital is depending on a proposal I've yet to finish, and need to present at 8:30."
Lucas, (pulling off her scarf) It's 7:30.
Cuddy, It's 7:37.
Lucas," I'll have you on the road in ten minutes. Come on, you don't want to go into your meeting all tight and stressed out, do you? (Cuddy smiles)"
Lucas, That's yours. (picking up the phone) It's House.
Cuddy, Ignore it.
Lucas," It says ""emergency page."""
Cuddy, I said ignore it.
Lucas, Sweet.
Lucas, I'm sorry. It's hard to pace yourself when you've been thinking about it for ten hours straight.
Cuddy," That's great. Now I'm late, stressed out, and frustrated."
Lucas," Sorry. If you give me a minute, I can ""�"
Cuddy, It'll wait. (she gets off the bed and looks at herself in the mirror) You can do it.
Lucas, Do what?
Nurse Regina, I thought you were coming in at 7:30.
Cuddy, Rachel woke up with a fEver and then I...Just couldn't get here any sooner.
Nurse Regina, There's a pRoblem in the pharmacy.
House," (approaParkng from behind) Hey, boss lady! You don't answer emergency pages anymore?"
Cuddy, (to Regina) Tell them all I'll be by as soon as I can and tell him (nodding back in House's direction) I assumed it was either about the wolf again or the procedure I refused to approve yesterday.
House," (following Cuddy toward her office) Turned out it wasn't a resistant staph, but I still say that if it had been, infecting him with malaria ""�"
Cuddy," (turning to face House) Seriously, House, I don't have time for this. (She continues toward her office)"
House, (still following) You're lying.
Cuddy, I have a meeting in 20 minutes.
House, Not talking about your meeting. I'm talking about the phone call.
Cuddy," (entering her office) I didn't ask what you were talking about, because I don't care."
House, (catParkng the door with his cane and following her into the office) I was with your boytoy on a stakeout last night.
Cuddy, (hanging up her coat) You were with Lucas?
House, He needed someone who could diagnose a soft tissue injury from across the street. Apparently he doesn't know any good doctors.
Cuddy, (unpacking her briefcase) Or the ones he does know actually have lives outside of work.
House," Things got a little slow, so we made some wagers. One being whether I could get you to stop the miscegenation with an emergency page."
Cuddy," What made you think we'd ""�"
House, He said you guys do it Every morning.
Cuddy, Everybody lies. Remember?
House," So you weren't actually ""�"
Cuddy," Good-bye, House."
House, I'm gonna need a definitive answer before any money changes hands.
Nurse Regina," Sorry to interrupt, but the GRC called about the budgets, the pharmacy is still waiting, and your 8:30 just arrived on campus. He should be here in ten minutes."
Cuddy, Figured this would be the one day he comes early. (handing Regina some papers) Can you proofread this for me?
Nurse Regina, When are you gonna find your own assistant?
Cuddy, Not today. Thank you. I'll be back in five.
Claudia, (walking along with Cuddy toward the elevator) Dr. Cuddy.
Cuddy," I know we're usually fine with two CS reps, but I want a few extra hands today just in case. And have IT recheck the network. I don't want to hear later that the new lines can only dial out or the computer crashed."
Claudia, What's going on?
Cuddy, (stepping into the elevator) Hopefully nothing. Just make sure you're ready if people start calling.
Cuddy, You wanted to see me?
Oscar," Hey, Dr. Cuddy. Yeah, uh, I wanted to let you know there's a pRoblem with one of the orders that came in last night."
Cuddy, Which is?
Oscar, They sent double the amount of meds we ordered.
Cuddy, Did you call and ask why?
Oscar, Yeah. They insist it's not a mistake.
Cuddy, So fax them the original PO.
Oscar," Yeah, that's what I was planning on doing, but, um... I can't find it. Actually, I can't find any of them."
Cuddy," Oscar, I don't have time to straighten out your paperwork. Where's Stan?"
Oscar," He doesn't get in till 9:00 and it's actually not my paperwork. It's Gail's paperwork, and she's out sick today."
Cuddy, So put it on her desk and let her figure it out when she comes back.
Oscar," All right, but it's not my pRoblem if ""�"
Cuddy," Oscar, not today, okay? (she pauses) Was it the whole shipment or just one med?"
Oscar, It's just one.
Cuddy, Vicodin?
Oscar," No, 25 milligram ephedrine tablets."
Oscar, What?
Cuddy, Call Gail. Tell her I want to see her in my office ASAP.
Oscar, But she's sick.
Cuddy, This place is full of sick people. Just get her in here.
Nurse Regina," (entering the room) Dr. Cuddy, your 8:30 is waiting in your office."
Cuddy, (looking back at Oscar) Now.
Cuddy," Oh, I got to make a quick trip upstairs. (to Regina) Can you get the guy in my office a cup of coffee? I'll be right back. (as she leaves the room) I've gotten you coffee before."
Cuddy, (pushing the intercom button) What's wrong?
Hourani, It's freezing in here. I can hardly feel my fingers.
Cuddy, Please tell me you didn't send a 911 page to tell me the heater's broken.
Hourani, It's not broken. House bribed the physical plant to turn on the AC so I'd hurry up.
Cuddy, So hurry up.
Hourani, This Man's abdomen is wide open. His core temp is down to 95.
Cuddy, Fine. I will deal with it.
Hourani," You better or I'm gonna file ""�"
Cuddy, (talking into her phone) I don't care what he told you. Turn it back up now.
House, Thought you had an important meeting.
Cuddy, You're an idiot. What are you gonna do the next time one of your Patients needs a liver transplant?
House, Go talk to Wilson about something completely unrelated and see what happens. Mystery infection guy is now covered in boils and has an abscess big enough to put your fist in. He needs to get into an OR tout suite.
Cuddy, (stopping at the elevator) Hourani will be done soon.
House, Good. I'll have some hot chocolate waiting. (House walks away)
Cuddy," Marina, hey. How's she doing? She vomited? Give her some more ibuprofen and put her in the bath for a bit. And call me in a half an hour if it doesn't go down. (Her cell phone beeps) Sorry, Marina. I have another call. Just call me in a half an hour either way."
Cuddy," (answering the other call) Hey. What's up? Tell him I'm halfway there. He's the one who insisted on the early meeting. I ""� all right, I'm coming."
Cuddy, Morning Eli. Sorry about the wait.
Eli," (who is sitting in front of Cuddy's desk) Oh, it's all right. I hear you got a sick kid. Yeah, I know what that's like. Or, I should say my wife does."
Cuddy, (sitting down behind her desk) So you guys ready to give some ground so we can make this deal?
Eli, Why would we do that?
Cuddy, We've been going at this for eight months.
Eli, Soon as you decide to get reasonable.
Cuddy, I'm the one that's unreasonable? You've taken weeks to respond to Every proposal I've presented.
Eli," Atlanticnet Insurance is the largest healthcare provider in New Jersey, and you're not the only hospital whose contracts are up. So is your team ready to come back to the table?"
Cuddy," Yeah. We're not going to. (handing him a file) This is our final offer. We're willing to go with a capitated structure, but we need at least 12% increase in reimbursements across the board."
Eli," Well, the good news is I can give you a quick response. (rising and handing her the file) Not a chance. But as always, nice talking to you. Say hi to your sister for me."
Cuddy," If you don't accept the offer, we're gonna terminate the contract."
Eli, Gonna be hard to keep this place open if all your Patients have to pay cash. Princeton Plainsboro is the smallest hospital in our entire network.
Cuddy, We're also the best.
Eli, Doesn't matter. We are responsible for covering 13 million people. We don't have enough cash to buy them all Maseratis.
Cuddy," I know what you paid Bergen, Newark Beth Israel, Robert Wood Johnson ""�"
Eli," 'Cause they have lEverage. You can be expensive or small, but you can't be both."
Cuddy," I've engaged Jones/Curtin to handle the PR, and I'm prepared to make the announcement at 3:00 p.m. today."
Eli," First lesson Every good poker player learns is don't get emotional. You don't have the cards. And the sooner you realize that, the sooner a reasonable contract will get signed."
Cuddy, You have until 3:00 p.m. to change your mind.
Eli, I always did like your style. Gonna be sad to see you go.
Nurse Regina, They're waiting for you in the conference room.
Cuddy," (getting up) Thanks. (handing Regina a file which was sitting on the corner of her desk) Uh, take this up to the call center and tell Claudia to give one to each CS rep and to start going over the answers to each question."
Nurse Regina, (taking the file) Okay.
Cuddy, And under no circumstances is any of this info to go outside that room. The scripts are numbered and I want a list of Every person she gives one to.
Nurse Regina, Got it. Anything else?
Cuddy, No.
House," If you really wanted to make a deal, you should have ditched the push-up and gone with a demi. Nothing makes a guy wanna close like high beams."
Cuddy, What have you heard?
House," Your meeting with the weasel lasted less than five minutes, which means you either agreed to a completely sensible 30-day extension or one of you issued a completely ridiculous ultimatum."
House," (with a Parkldish look on his face) Oh, goody. You or him?"
Cuddy, Me.
House," Way to go, boss."
Cuddy, You said it was ridiculous.
House," Ridiculous to make, fun to watch. As long as it's not just a bluff. Please tell me it's not a bluff."
Cuddy," It is not a bluff, and it is not ridiculous. Just because we're not some huge ""�"
Taub, (to House) Mr. Pluta started hallucinating before we could put him under.
Thirteen, His BP is plummeting. He has an elevated heart rate. Looks like congestive heart failure.
House, Interesting.
Cuddy, (pushing the elevator door open) I don't care how interesting it is. You are not infecting him with malaria.
Taub, Since when is malaria a cure for heart failure?
House, It's not. It's not congestive heart failure. It's gotta be...
 Thomas, Just got off the phone with Hourani.
Cuddy," I'm sorry, Dave. I don't really have time right now ""�"
 Thomas, Think I had time to listen to him go for 20 minutes about the damn temperature in the OR?
Cuddy, I took care of it.
 Thomas," It's not an ""it."" It's a ""him"" you need to take care of. You got the entire staff Catering to House's Every whim, and I can't get approval to hire a replacement for the surgeon he stole from my department? A doctor I only took on in the first place because of pressure from you?"
Cuddy," So you didn't want Chase, but now you're pissed you can't have him?"
 Thomas, You want to convene a search committee and start looking for a new Parkef of surgery?
Cuddy," No, Dave."
 Thomas, Then you better stop spending all your time putting out his fires and start doing your damn job.
 Simpson, There a pRoblem with Dr. Thomas?
Cuddy," No, just refereeing a dispute about the OR. So, we don't yet have a contract with Atlanticnet."
Sanford, We gave you an extra week and you assured us you'd have a deal by today.
Cuddy," We could have a deal, just not the deal we deserve."
Female Board Member," So what do you want, approval for an extension?"
Cuddy, We've been at this for eight months. An extension isn't gonna change anything.
Sanford, So what's your plan?
Cuddy, I presented a final offer. I told them that we would agree to a capitated structure if they increase reimbursements by 12%.
Female Board Member, A final offer? What does that mean?
Cuddy," If they don't accept it by 3:00, we're gonna terminate."
 Simpson," Are you out of your mind? If we don't accept Atlanticnet insurance, we'll lose 80% of our Patients. We'd be lucky to last three months."
Cuddy, We're not asking for anything they can't afford.
Sanford, Their last offer was a 4% increase and you're deManding 12?
Cuddy, They're paying Even more at some places. Units that have lower ratings than ours.
Sanford," In a perfect world, that would definitely matter."
Cuddy," Sanford, they're all about growth, and they know they don't get new customers by marketing themselves as the biggest. They do it by claiming they're the best, and they can't do that if their Patients can't come to us."
Sanford, What was (Eli) Morgan's reaction when you told him?
Cuddy," He didn't give in, but he will. I told him I'd make the announcement at 3:00. He'll call back before then. (long pause) They need us."
 Simpson," No, we need them."
Sanford," We need each other. (The board members look at each other) The negotiation is your responsibility, so we can't stop you if this is what you want to do. But just so we're clear, if we don't have a contract with Atlanticnet, you're not gonna have a contract with us."
Nurse Regina, Guess who didn't show up for clinic duty?
Cuddy," (sighing) Oh, don't tell me. The guy with all the boils needs a liver transplant."
Nurse Regina," No, his doctor needs a nap. You want me to try to find him?"
Cuddy, You really need him?
Nurse Regina, I need someone.
Clinic Patient, I have cancer.
Cuddy, Why do you think you have cancer?
Clinic Patient," I don't think I have cancer. I know I have cancer. I had surgery to remove a malignant polyp in my colon six months ago, and now it's spread to my liver and lymph nodes."
Cuddy, So you're under the care of an oncologist?
Clinic Patient," Yeah, but he won't give me the prescription I need."
Cuddy, Do you need more painkillers?
Clinic Patient, No. I need breast milk.
Cuddy, HuMan breast milk?
Clinic Patient, Yes. It has cancer-fighting qualities.
Cuddy," Well, in newborns, it's been shown to reduce future risk."
Clinic Patient," No, in adults with cancer too. I - I've read studies."
Clinic Patient, Look... I Even know a place where I can buy it. I just need a prescription so I can get reimbursed by my insurance company.
Cuddy, They said they'd reimburse the cost of breast milk as a cancer treatment?
Clinic Patient," They reimburse prescriptions, so if you write me a prescription, then they have no choice but to pay."
Cuddy," Well, actually, they have a choice."
Clinic Patient," What are you, some type of shill for the insurance company?"
Cuddy, No.
Clinic Patient," Look, I've been paying premiums for 30 years, and I've nEver been sick a day in my life till this happened. Now I can't work, I got no money. And you want to help them screw me over?"
Cuddy, I'm not screwing you over.
Clinic Patient," Well, then give me the script."
Cuddy, It won't help you.
Clinic Patient, Will it hurt me?
Cuddy," No, but ""�"
Clinic Patient," Okay, so it won't harm me, and it won't harm you, but it's this insurance company ""�"
Cuddy, This is not about insurance.
Clinic Patient," (angrily) Then give me the damn script. (pausing, then speaking quietly) I'm sick. I need help. I need something."
Cuddy, I'm sorry.
Clinic Patient, (getting down off the exam table) Bitch.
Cuddy, (to Regina) Anyone call?
Nurse Regina, Yeah. The ER. They said the vascular who's on call doesn't have privileges.
Cuddy, Then why is he on call?
Nurse Regina, Dowd's at a conference and got him to fill in.
Cuddy, Be nice if he got somebody who can actually work here. Call Ereshefsky.
Nurse Regina, Ereshefsky? She's not gonna do it.
Cuddy, She owes me a favor.
Nurse Regina," She's still not gonna do it. All right. Oh, and there's a guy in your office. I think he's a Lawyer."
Cuddy, Why is he in my office?
Nurse Regina, Said he didn't want to sit around a bunch of sick people. I tried to stop him.
Cuddy, Hi. I'm Dr. Cuddy.
Westbrook, (they shake hands) Ronald Westbrook. I appreciate your taking the time to meet with me.
Cuddy, Hard to avoid since you're already in my office.
Westbrook," Sorry about that, I just got over a wicked cold that didn't want to ""�"
Cuddy, (interrupting) How can I help you?
Westbrook," I represent Martín AcEvedo. He's filed a suit against PPH, and Dr. Chase for performing surgery without consent."
Cuddy," Yes, I saw that. I also saw the consent forms. They were all signed."
Westbrook," Yes, but my client was assured that the procedure would just be a few minor sutures."
Cuddy," Wait. Your client accidentally cut his thumb off with a table saw, right?"
Westbrook, Yes.
Cuddy, And Dr. Chase reattached it?
Westbrook, Yes.
Cuddy, You're saying he didn't want it reattached?
Westbrook," No, he most certainly did not."
Chase," His insurance only covered 60% of inPatient expenses, so he would only agree to the cheapest option."
Cuddy, So what did you tell him?
Chase," I said I'd sew up the skin over the exposed bone. Then I put him under, got his thumb from the paramedics, and reattached it. What's he gonna do? Tell the Judge that I harmed him by reattaParkng a vital digit?"
Cuddy," Both he and the insurance company are suing to get out of paying the bill. It's over $80,000."
Chase, It was his thumb. I couldn't just let him toss it in the trash to save a few bucks.
Nurse Regina, Gail the pharm tech who called in sick is here. She's waiting in your office.
Gail, He barely Even looks at me anymore. We haven't had sex in months.
Cuddy," You don't need pills to lose weight. There are healthier ways, legal ways."
Gail," You don't understand how hard it is. Ever since our second Parkld, no matter what I do. I just wanted to lose ten more pounds and then I was gonna stop."
Cuddy," I'm sorry. Forging pharmaceutical orders, stealing ""�"
Gail," Don't fire me, Dr. Cuddy, please. I'm begging you. If Sam finds out, he'll divorce me for sure, and my kids ""� I will nEver do it again, I swear. Just give me a second chance."
Cuddy, I won't report the theft to the DEA... But I have to fire you.
Cuddy," Just take a few minutes to compose yourself, then go down to HR and they'll give you your last check."
Gail, (crying) I've been a perfect employee for sEven years.
Cuddy," I know, but this is too big. I'm sorry."
Wilson, How's it going?
Cuddy," (calling Marina on her phone as she talks to Wilson) Got three hours to save this place from bankruptcy, I just fired one of my best employees, and the Woman taking care of my sick Parkld isn't returning my calls."
Wilson," Rachel's gonna be fine, I'm sure whoEver he or she is deserved it, and we're not going bankrupt. Are we?"
Cuddy, Don't worry. The board will fire me before they allow that to happen.
Wilson, They'd nEver fire you.
Cuddy, I just told Atlanticnet Insurance I'd terminate unless they gave us a 12% bump.
Wilson, They might fire you.
Cuddy," (talking on her phone) Marina, hey, it's me. I haven't heard back from you. Can you call me as soon as you can? Thank you."
Wilson, You try Lucas?
Cuddy, He's either sleeping or avoiding me.
Wilson, You in a fight?
Cuddy," Not yet, but we're gonna be."
Cuddy, What do you think I should do about Atlanticnet?
Wilson," You're asking a guy who paid full sticker price for his last car. You ask House? (Cuddy gives him an ""are you crazy""� look) He's a master Manipulator who always gets what he wants."
Cuddy, This situation is out of control enough already. House is the last person I want to get involved.
Cuddy, Get out of my chair. And the answer is no.
House," You Ever noticed how Many porn sites have ""mom"" in the domain name? Hot moms, hungry moms, mature moms. That ought to make you feel pretty good."
Cuddy, What do you want?
House," Looks like boils, altered mental status, and heart failure was caused by renal cell carcinoma. (handing her a form) I need your signature to start treating it with malaria. Don't worry, I'm giving him chemo too."
Cuddy, What is your sudden obsession with malaria?
House," Just trying to play my part cutting costs. Malaria is the simplest, cheapest method of delivering hypothermia."
Cuddy," Right. The only money you care about ""� You bet someone you could use malaria as a diagnostic tool?"
House, That doesn't sound like me.
Cuddy, Forget it.
House," Okay, let me see if I've got this straight, a bet that puts one Patient at minor risk is juvenile?"
Cuddy, And irresponsible and dangerous.
House," But going all-in against Atlanticnet ""�"
Cuddy, Is not a bet. That is a carefully considered negotiating position.
House, (putting the form on her desk) I'm gonna put this in your inbox. I just hope it doesn't get lost underneath all the other stuff you're carefully considering. (He leaves. Cuddy sits down at her desk and looks at her watch yet again)
Cuddy, Can you take a look at these per diem schedules? Let me know if you see any conflicts.
Nurse Regina," Got it. Oh, and Ereshefsky actually did come in. You catch her leaving a sponge in a guy or something?"
Cuddy, Wasn't a medical mistake.
Nurse Regina, What was it?
Cuddy, Can't tell you now. She came in.
Cuddy," Hey, Stan! Have you audited the ephedrine orders yet?"
Stan, Why? You told me she confessed.
Cuddy, Stan.
Stan," All right, yeah. I'll take care of it."
Cuddy, Today.
Nurse Regina, You know he's cussing you out in there now.
Cuddy, I don't care as long as he does it.
Lucas, (entering the clinic) What a bitch.
Cuddy, (to Lucas) What are you doing here?
Lucas," Sounded like you were going to be too busy for lunch, so my specialty, (holding up a brown paper bag) spinach lasagna."
Cuddy, Sure you didn't come looking for more people you could brag about our sex life to?
Lucas," (looking contrite) Okay. Sorry. From now on, I got nothing but bad things to say about our sex life. (Cuddy gives him a look) Or nothing to say."
Cuddy, And what's going on with Marina? She hasn't called me back.
Lucas, She was gonna call. I told her I'd let you know Everything was okay.
Cuddy, So her fEver broke?
Lucas," What exactly does that mean, ""when a fEver breaks?""�"
Cuddy," Lucas, I'm very busy. Does she have a fEver or not?"
Lucas," (noticing the uneaten salad) That was gonna be your lunch? And you didn't have breakfast either. (He puts the brown bag on her desk) No, she doesn't have a fEver, and the rash was just, like, a little diaper rash."
Cuddy, (putting the brown bag on the floor) What rash? She has a rash?
Lucas," Little one. (Cuddy picks up the phone to call Marina) Lisa, don't worry. I'm telling you."
Lucas," Oh, god. I must have grabbed Marina's cell by mistake. (Cuddy disconnects and starts to dial her home number) And, I turned the ringer off on the home phone so I could sleep."
Cuddy, (hanging up the phone) What are you doing to me?
Lucas, I take it your deal's not done.
Cuddy, (finally sitting down) Not yet.
Lucas," How about I take a quick look into the guy who's in charge of the negotiations? Or better yet, the CEO. If I get some dirt, you can use it as lEverage."
Cuddy, There's no time. (She pauses and looks up at him) How do you Even find these guys?
Cuddy, Thanks.
Tannenbaum, (speaking to his dining partner) You should have seen the guy's face. I thought he was gonna have a damn coronary right there in the tee box.
Cuddy," Excuse me. You're Keith Tannenbaum, CEO of Atlanticnet Insurance, right?"
Tannenbaum, That's me. How can I help you?
Cuddy," Well, actually, I think we can help each other. I am Dr. Cuddy, Dean of Medicine at Princeton Plainsboro."
Tannenbaum," Oh, yeah. Well, how are you?"
Cuddy," Well, I'm a little unhappy. You're aware that our contract with your company is up this week?"
Tannenbaum," Yes, and we have a negotiating team that's working all that out."
Cuddy," Princeton Plainsboro has the highest-rated ER in the state, the most advanced ICU, and the most innovative diagnostic medicine department in the entire country."
Tannenbaum," Good to know. Now if you don't mind, I'd like to ""�"
Cuddy," While Atlanticnet Insurance has a marketing budget that's more than our pediatric ICU's and transplant units combined. Your PGA sponsorship could pay for our walk-in clinic, and the money you spend to fuel your two private jets could fund our air ambulance service for the next three years."
Tannenbaum, Your point being?
Cuddy," Your growth may be good for your bottom line, but ours allows us to save lives. And I would rather not have to announce to the press how selective your company appears to be when it comes to cutting costs."
Tannenbaum," (Eli) Morgan was right. You are one tough gal. You can portray me as a rich bastard in the press all you want, just as long as I stay rich."
Nurse Regina, Stan is looking for you.
Cuddy, I'm busy.
Nurse Regina, He said it's urgent.
Stan, I don't understand how it's Even possible. I've checked it twice.
Cuddy, How much?
Stan, Ten cases.
Cuddy, Ten cases?
Stan, Going back three years.
Cuddy, What the hell have you been doing Stan? You're supposed to be Managing this place.
Stan, All the paperwork I signed was correct. She must have altered the orders afterwards.
Cuddy, Didn't you Ever cross-check it with the bills that came in?
Stan, I delegated it.
Cuddy, To whom?
Stan," To Gail. Look, she seemed perfectly trustworthy. How was I supposed to know?"
Cuddy, By doing your job.
Stan, I'm sorry.
Cuddy, Have you notified the DEA?
Stan, The DEA?
Cuddy," Jeez, Stan. Hello! You don't steal $50,000 worth of pills because you want to lose weight. She's supplying a meth lab. Just get her back in here."
Stan, All right.
Cuddy, Now.
Eli," Oh, you Ever want a job, trust me. He'll double whatEver you're making here."
Cuddy, Take it he liked my proposal.
Eli, Enough to tell me to get my ass back over here today. (handing her an envelope) Here. He's willing to go to 8%.
Cuddy, 8?
Eli, We were at 4. Your board's gonna think you walk on water.
Cuddy, (handing the envelope back to him) I want 12.
Eli, You're not gonna get 12. There's just no way.
Cuddy, 8% barely covers our cost inflation.
Eli, But capitated structure should allow you to hold down inflation.
Cuddy," And shifts all your risk onto us, which is why we deserve 12."
Eli," Lisa, come on. The guy who mows my lawn makes more than my kid's teacher. Hell, the two guys whose lunch you interrupted could get fired, and their sEverance would be more than most of their employees make in a lifetime. It doesn't have anything to do with what you deserve. (putting the envelope on her desk) This is it. Take it or leave it."
Cuddy, What are you doing?
House," Hey. (They talk as they walk toward Cuddy's office) Know any good transplant surgeons? Turns out his kidneys aren't the only thing failing. And I know what you're thinking, but malaria wouldn't destroy his liver that fast, especially since we nEver infected him."
Cuddy," I thought you said ""�"
House," Apparently Foreman now thinks that he has the authority to overrule my orders just because the FDA wouldn't approve. Don't worry. I'll deal with him. If you could just talk to Hourani ""�"
Cuddy, (stopping) What would you do?
House, (turning to face her) If you paged me during sex?
Cuddy," About the contract, with Atlanticnet. I got them to come up to 8%, but we should get at least 12."
House," It's all numbers. Do the math, and nothing else."
Cuddy, It's not about my pride. It's about the principle. They're trying to screw us over because we're small.
House, That's what they're supposed to do.
Cuddy," They should be pressuring other hospitals to be more like us, not trying to make us more like them. It's stupid."
House, (They continue walking) Putting your job on the line in an effort to stamp out stupidity isn't?
Cuddy, You would.
House, PRobably. But then I also wanted to try to cure cancer by infecting a guy with malaria to win a $50 bet. You really want to be like me?
Cuddy," As you know, for the past eight months, we've been trying to renegotiate our contract with Atlanticnet Insurance. It's been a difficult process, but I wanted to let you all know before we made the formal announcement, that as of 5:00 p.m. today, our contract with Atlanticnet will be terminated. We've doubled the number of customer service representatives in our call center. Current Patients will still be allowed to remain in our care for 30 days, but starting tomorrow, we will no longer be accepting Patients with Atlanticnet health insurance."
Man, Why weren't we told about this sooner?
Cuddy," Come on, Marina. Pick up the phone."
Cuddy, I'm busy.
Foreman, We found a liver match.
Cuddy, All right. Get him prepped. I'll straighten things out with Hourani.
Foreman, Hourani's not the pRoblem. House is. Now he wants Chase to do the surgery.
Cuddy, To prove to Hourani he doesn't need him?
Foreman, To prove to Thomas that Chase was his department's best surgeon.
Cuddy, And what does Chase want to do?
Foreman, Chase wants to do the surgery.
Cuddy, And you don't want him to do it because?
Foreman, I don't care who does it.
Cuddy, So what's the pRoblem?
Foreman," In order to get our Patient into the OR, we have to get him on the surgery schedule. In order to do that, we need someone to put him there who neither House nor Thomas can overrule."
Cuddy, What?
House, Would you rather I go back on vicodin?
Cuddy, She's not massaging your leg.
House, She will... Eventually.
Cuddy, Why am I the only person here who cares what happens to this hospital? Get off your ass and get your department under control. At least for the next few days.
House, Its gonna take longer than a few days for a company the size of Atlanticnet to start feeling the squeeze of your PR Campaign. If they Ever do.
Cuddy, And you know this how? From all the time you've spent researParkng them and their other contracts? The way they handle their press relations?
House," I know they have a nascar team. Despite what you may have learned at hebrew school or from Jimmy Cliff, sometimes the bigger they are, The harder they kick your ass."
n, I'm not trying to be greedy.
Westbrook, But he's also not interested in being forced into a medical bankruptcy.
Cuddy," Mr. AcEvedo, I am sorry you're having financial difficulties. But because of us, you still have a thumb. I assume that's something a carpenter might need."
Westbrook, And I assume you didn't ask for this meeting so you could lecture my client.
Cuddy," You have insurance. But by filing this suit, you've caused us to get paid nothing by them either."
Westbrook, That's not our pRoblem.
Cuddy," Actually it is, since he's responsible for any expense we're not reimbursed. But if you drop the suit and make it clear that Dr. Chase was acting in your best interest when he reattached your thumb, then we'll be able to resubmit the claim."
Westbrook," And you'll cover his deductible, attorney's fees, and 50 grand for pain and suffering?"
Cuddy," Actually, I was thinking more like we'd cover half his deductible, which means you'd only owe $16,000."
Westbrook, You want him to pay you?
Cuddy," Yes. Do you have any idea how much it costs? How Many years it takes to train someone in microsurgery? We gave you back your life. You can still work. You can button your own shirt, hold a fork."
Westbrook," Martín, let's go."
n," I'm sorry. I know I should pay, but I just can't. I still cannot work. I'm already underwater on my House, and I have two kids with braces."
Cuddy, You think you'd be in better shape without a thumb?
n, Right now... Financially? Yeah. I would be.
Cuddy," Well, so would we. But when you came in, we didn't think about that, we just took care of you, made sure we did whatEver you needed to get well."
Westbrook," Yeah, right, all you doctors care about is healing. [a phone rings] That's why there are all those BMWs and Porsches in the Parking lot."
Cuddy, (looking at her phone) Damn it.
Westbrook," (to Martín) Come on, we're out of here. (to Cuddy) We'll see you in court."
Cuddy," You're right, you will. (to Martín) You still have a thumb because of us, and like Everyone else in this world, we don't work for free. We earn this money. And if we have to take your House to get it, we will."
Cuddy, (to a nurse) What's going on?
Nurse, I think they're fighting.
Cuddy, Out of my way. Now. Out of my way.
Cuddy, (to House) What the hell is going on?
House, I told them to use their words.
Nurse Regina, That pharm tech is back. She's in your office.
Cuddy," (to Dr. Thomas) You, there. (to Chase) You, over there. I don't wanna hear a word out of either one of you until I get back."
Cuddy, You lied.
Gail, (smiling) So? What're you gonna do about it?
Cuddy," (looking appalled) Well, for one... Notify the DEA."
Gail, Good. I'm sure they'll be very interested to hear how Dr. House forced me to help him steal the meds and the administrator who he's having sex with has been helping him cover it up.
Cuddy, You really think you can lie your way out of this?
Gail," Yeah, I do. Anything else you wanna know... Bitch?"
Nurse Regina, (holding out the phone) The hospital board's chairMan wants to speak to you.
Cuddy, Tell him I'm busy.
Nurse Regina," I did, but he ""�"
Cuddy, Then tell him I quit.
Cuddy, You owe Lucas the money. We were having sex when you called.
House," The breast milk guy finally found a doctor to give him what he wanted. If it works, it's way better than malaria. It's worth a shot."
Cuddy, I... I thought they were the ones bluffing. No way they'd let us terminate.
House, They're not gonna fire you. And you're not gonna quit.
Cuddy, Why not?
House, Because you're an idiot. (Cuddy looks over at him) This place needs you. And that matters to you.
Cuddy," What do you think of that pharm tech, Gail?"
House, She's a sociopath.
Cuddy, You knew she was stealing meds?
House, No. But have you seen the way she opens the mail?
Cuddy, Why didn't you Ever tell me?
House, Figured it might come in handy one day.
Cuddy," Gail, I like you. I always have. And I know you must've gotten sucked up into a situation you weren't able to control."
Gail," Really, is that what happened with you and House?"
Cuddy," I'm not gonna back down just because you threaten to smear me. Now, if you agree to tell the truth, there are things I can do to help. Think about your husband, your kids. I know you're a good person deep down inside. You can't completely hide Everything about yourself in sEven years."
Gail," You're an idiot. I started stealing from here six months after you hired me. You still don't Even know the half of it, and you nEver will. You wouldn't have Even found out about this if I hadn't gotten sick. And you aren't as tough as you think you are. There's no way you'd let this job get taken away. And if I go down... You're going down."
Cuddy, (holding up the flower) Hey... Can you tell Stan to give this to the DEA agent when he comes by.
Nurse Regina, A flower?
Cuddy, Lucas gave it to me. I thought it might come in handy one day.
Nurse Regina, (raising her hand for a high five. Cuddy does the same) Nice.
Cuddy, (She gives the flower to Regina) Least I came out on top once today.
Nurse Regina, Where you going?
Cuddy, To hand the board my resignation. Hopefully whoEver they hire to replace me can still get the 8%.
Cuddy," Marina! I've been trying to get in touch with you all day. All right, I understand. Just, how is Rachel? And the rash? Great. I'll be home early (she runs for the open elevator door) ""� oh! (The door closes before she gets there) Aw! Perfect. (She pushes the elevator button again)"
Eli," (coming up behind Cuddy, who turns to face him) You bitch. I didn't think you'd actually do it."
Cuddy, I told you I would.
Eli, Call the dogs off. (handing her an envelope) You got your 12. Congratulations.
Cuddy," (taking the envelope, and yelling out in imitation of the orgasm she did not have with Lucas that morning) Yeeeeesss! Whooo! Yes!"
Lucas, (unseen) You gonna get that?
Taylor, Are you Ever coming to bed?
Frankie, I still say I'm a vegetarian.
Taylor," Well, you can say that you're an astronaut, but that doesn't make it true. A salmon is not a vegetable, Frankie."
Frankie," Well, apparently, eight out of ten commenters agree with you. Except for the part where you said, ""I beliEve what I want to beliEve."" That they found a little judgmental."
Taylor, [approaParkng] You blogged our argument? I asked you to quit talking about me. I don't want a bunch of people that I don't know hearing stuff that's meant to be between me and you.
Frankie, I write about my life. And you're a big part of that.
Taylor," That's great. I want to be a big part of your life. But I don't want to be a big part of their lives. Take it down, erase it, delete it. Make it go away."
Stuart," Come on, Man. It's 2:00 in the morning. These walls are made out of tissue paper. I gotta be up in three hours to do a wiring job in Edison."
Taylor, I'm sorry. We'll try to hold it down.
Frankie, [standing behind Taylor] Sorry.
Taylor," Frankie, what happened? [Stuart starts dialing his cell phone.] Whoa, whoa. That's not what you think. Something's wrong."
Stuart, We need a police car at 152 Haverhill.
Frankie," Whoa, what are you two talking about? [She looks in a mirror.] Oh, my God."
Taylor, Are you all right?
Frankie, I think it's coming from my gums. [She touches her mouth. She's bleeding a lot.]
Wilson, What are you doing tonight?
House," Masturbating. I'd invite you, but people are already talking."
Wilson, It's pathetic. You divide your nights between porn and the Discovery Channel.
House, Right. Playing Dance Dance Revolution is a much better choice.
Wilson," Okay, that was a gift from a Patient, and it happens to be great exercise. I mean, who rents porn anymore? Can't you get this stuff on the Internet?"
House, You can. But you can't get disc two with the director's commentary.
Wilson, Come out with me tonight. I'm going speed dating.
House, You mean you're dating on meth? Count me in.
Wilson," You need to meet somebody. This way, you meet 20 somebodies."
House, Over a five-minute discussion of Proust? Speed dating's a meat market.
Wilson, Yeah. Dozens of women just waiting to be hit on. Your odds of a happy ending are nearly as good as staying home and watParkng porn.
Foreman, You plan on doing any work today?
House, I thought I might do a little light doctoring in the afternoon.
Foreman, [handing House a file] 28-year-old female sudden unexplained coagulopathy.
Chase, Could be congenital thrombocytopenia.
House, Platelets look normal.
Thirteen, Patient makes money doing freelance photography. Some photographic processes produce toxic gases.
Foreman, She's a blogger. I can't see her photos being anything but digital.
House, What does she blog? Politics? Dominatrix? Cooking? 'Cause I need recipes.
Chase, It's a personal journal. I don't get putting your whole life online.
Taub," It's not that crazy. Privacy's basically a modern invention. Towns used to be too small for anybody to keep any secrets. What if it's not the platelets, but the glue that holds 'em together?"
Chase, No. Thrombin and von Willebrand factor are normal.
House, And knowing too much about each other is exactly why people leave small towns and move to the city.
Taub," And a lot of people choose to stay because, in return for zero privacy, you get community, connection."
House," Big red As for our tunics. Connections are for airports. For people, we have over 300 cable channels."
Thirteen," Her photos may be digital ""� doesn't mean she couldn't have been exposed to some other toxin. We should search the apartment."
House," Eeny, meeny, miny, Thirteen and Tiny. [He goes back to his book.]"
Taub, This one's locked.
Thirteen, I'm surprised you took the pro-community position.
Taub, I have friends. I like people.
Thirteen," You also like secrets. You deny it, it sort of proves my point."
Taub," When we're left to our own devices, we make lousy choices."
Taub, [whispering] Ignore it.
Stuart," [through the door] I can hear you in there. Open the door, or I'm calling the cops."
Taub," [looking out the window, still whispering] We're four stories up, but there's a fire escape on the other wall. The ledge might be wide enough."
Thirteen, We're doctors. We aren't stealing anything. [She shows that she's wearing purple rubber gloves.] We're collecting samples.
Taub, Who are you?
Stuart," The neighbor. Did they say that you could come in here and ""�"
Taub, Yup. What do you know about Frankie and Taylor?
Stuart," Not much. The guy works a lot. I see Frankie around. We argue a few times a week, and then we go back about our business."
Taub, What do you argue about?
Stuart, Frankie's got some strong opinions. Wants to recycle Every molecule of trash.
Thirteen, You take the anti-recycling position?
Stuart, Trash piling up for composting's attracting Every rat in the neighborhood. I had to put down poison. [to Thirteen who is trying to open the locked drawer] It's her private drawer. What are you doing over there?
Thirteen, She said she doesn't have any secrets. I'm taking her at her word.
Taub, Is there any chance Frankie touched the rat poison?
Stuart," Touched it? She grabbed a chunk of it right out of the mouth of the schnauzer from down the hall. Now Every time I put the stuff down, she picks it back up."
House, [to Wilson] You brought a date?
Chase, Wilson seemed to think it was a good idea.
Wilson, You need to dive back into the pool.
House," And he has to swim in ours? You go to a bar, you bring your ugly friends."
Chase, It's not a beauty pageant.
House, Life is a beauty pageant. Little girls who kiss frogs expect them to turn into you.
Chase," Oh, come on. I'm not that good-looking."
House," Yeah, you are."
Wilson, [looking at Chase] You kind of are.
Chase, So you attribute Every relationship I've Ever had to the height of my cheekbones?
Wilson, Not the whole relationship. Just the beginning.
House, The rest is your hair.
Chase, This is ridiculous. Women aren't as distracted by appearances as we are. They look deeper.
House," [smiling slightly] You wanna bet? [Chase cocks his head, listening] You can't tell anyone you're a doctor. You're unemployed. You're also a little slow, misunderstand Everything they say. And lose the accent. A hundred bucks says you still walk out of here with a dozen names."
Hostess," Ladies and gentlemen, the fun is about to start. When I strike this gong, each Man should sit at the table you've been assigned. When I strike it again, date's over, move on."
Wilson, I'm an oncologist.
Leeanne," Oh, my aunt and my grandma, they both died from breast cancer."
Wilson, [resigned] Do-do you wanna talk about it?
House," I'm a diagnostician. I find out what's wrong with people, and I fix it."
Melodie, Don't all doctors do that?
House," Yeah, but they can't dance like I can."
Chase, [Runs his hand over his face and props it under his jaw. Speaks with a fake American accent] I play video games. [He runs his tongue over his top teeth and makes a sucking noise.]
Chloe, Oh. Professionally?
Chase," [snorts slightly] I wish, bro."
Dionne," After six months of chemo, we thought he was out of the woods."
Grace, I don't want kids.
House, Check.
Grace," I'm thinking about going from a ""C"" to a ""D."""
House, Quadruple check.
Grace, [enthusiastically] And I'm on fire for the Lord.
Nicole, I'm a chocolatier.
Chase, I could tell by your hips.
Nicole," Yeah, I-I guess I could afford to lose a few pounds. [She giggles slightly. Chase does an almost imperceptible double take at her reaction.]"
Elizabeth, I don't think I know anybody who died of cancer.
Wilson," Thank God. For you, I mean. Obviously."
Elizabeth, Except my cat. [starts tearing up] She died a few months ago.
Mary, I hate these things.
House," What, are you here at gunpoint? You need me to call 911?"
Mary," Friend dragged me. She keeps trying to fix my life. Which, admittedly, could use it, but... still annoying."
House, [noticing the daily crossword puzzle she has on the table.] You like puzzles.
Mary," I hoped my job would let me play with puzzles all day long, but it didn't work out that way. [House looks intrigued.] Police detective. Turns out criminals are idiots. If they're not gonna bother to challenge you, what's the point?"
House, [looking around] Is there a fire alarm we could pull? Maybe get out of here.
Mary, [smiling] Hmm.
House, Except... Maybe you're just too swoft.
Mary, Beg your pardon.
House," Swoft. It's one of your crossword answers. I beliEve it means lying Manipulator who tells men anything they want to hear. You brought a prop as a conversation starter. Folded the paper to make it look read, filled in some answers, but you couldn't be bothered to work at it, so you just put in random letters. You have some natural talent as a liar, but not enough brains to see it through. I'm gonna assume you're not a cop. [leans back in his chair] Are the five minutes up?"
Hostess," These women would welcome a call from you. [She hands Wilson a small stack of index cards.] And these women would welcome a call from you. [House gets a couple of cards. She fans a large pile of cards ""� a dozen or more and hands them to Chase.] My."
Taub, It's nice to have visitors.
Frankie, I'm updating my blog.
Joan, And I'm reading it.
Taub, You realize you're in the same room?
Frankie, [stops typing] Sorry. [to Foreman] So I've been thinking about what you said. And I'm sure I washed my hands after I threw out the rat poison.
Foreman, Apparently you did it multiple times over a course of days. Can't be too certain.
Joan, You must be Dr. Foreman. [to Frankie] Got to get back to work.
Frankie, Okay.
Joan, Take it easy.
Frankie, What? She reads my blog.
Taub," [to Foreman after looking at Frankie's laptop] Personally, I don't think you're condescending at all."
Frankie," That's not what I wrote. When you were taking my history, I told you I went whitewater rafting six months ago, and you said, [snootily] ""it was unlikely to be related."" I was just giving information. Let's face it. You got a little snarky."
Foreman, You can't convey a tone of voice in writing.
Frankie," I just put what you said. If you don't want people to think you're condescending, maybe you shouldn't say condescending things. [Taub nods] Can this wait a second 'cause I have to pee? [She gets up and wheels her IV stand with her.] You know, I think people behave badly because there are no records of what we say or do. [loudly, from the bathroom] And nobody beliEves anymore that God's watParkng. Well, God's not, but I am. [Taub and Foreman are bored.] Everything is on the record, including Everything I do. [in the bathroom doorway] I don't think my pee is supposed to be mud-colored."
Foreman, We were wrong about the rat poison.
House, Coagulopathy plus kidney equals what?
Thirteen, Hemolytic uremic syndrome.
House, Normal creatinine lEvels.
Foreman, She has elevated cholesterol.
House," [shouting as Wilson walks past] Hey, Wilson! Can't find my pornos."
Wilson, Have you tried offering a reward?
Taub, Gaucher's disease. It would affect her ability to synthesize Vitamin K.
Chase, She's on a semi-vegetarian diet. Means she gets plenty of Vitamin K. Sjögren's is more likely.
House," I assume you moved them while you were dusting. I checked the drawers, windowsill, DVD player in your room. [leans back into the office, stage whisper to the team] The quiet ones are always deeply repressed."
Wilson, I returned them to the store.
Foreman, She had a fish dinner a couple of nights ago. Could be Haff disease causing rhabdo.
House, [following him] What? Why did you return them to the store?
Wilson, It's no trouble. I had to stop next-door for my dry cleaning anyway.
Chase," Sjögren's wouldn't inhibit the clotting enzymes, infiltrate the kidneys ""� explains Everything."
Foreman, So does Haff disease.
House, I'm not thanking you. I'm asking you why.
Wilson," Because if I did happen to bring a Woman home last night, I wanted it to be a porn-free zone."
House, You do realize things don't have to be socks to go into a sock drawer.
Wilson," I'm sorry. Horribly, horribly sorry. I thought you'd... watched them all. [He walks away.]"
House, You completely ruined my morning. I had to pull out your old family photos. [Wilson turns back to look at him.] Your mom was pretty hot. [back in the office] Haff disease fits the timing best. Start her on saline and Mannitol.
Wilson, You reading your Patient's blog?
House, Nope.
Wilson, [sitting] You should. Could be some clues.
House, Too Many. Be like doing a whole body scan. Send us up eight blind alleys. That's why Chase is doing it.
Wilson, She mentions you.
House, She's nEver met me.
Wilson," You're an unseen presence, like the Wizard of Oz."
House," He was a fraud. She couldn't have gone with Keyser Soze? Speaking of movies that don't make any sense, I stopped at the rental store to get those pornos back. I told the guy at the counter I was so grateful that you'd returned them, but I wanted them. Guess what. You only returned two. You lost the third. It's decent of you to pay for it, not let them put it on my bill."
Wilson, You know... I can explain what happened.
House," I'm sure you could. But rather than listen to your lies, I thought it'd be more fun to drive all over town and get another copy. [smiles smugly]"
Wilson," You have ""� you have it here?"
Wilson," Oh, God. [The person nearest the camera turns. It's a very young Wilson.] Oh, God! Okay, first, that's not me. It's not ""� mostly not ""� [He starts again.] I was ""� I was in college. [Young Wilson moves toward and then past the camera, smiling.] I don't ""� my roommate was minoring in film."
House, Are you hyperventilating? Remember that covering your mouth and one nostril can help.
House, He's not a director. He's an artist. The way he plays with light and darkness and! [Young Wilson puts his arm around the girl] boobs.
Wilson, That's not me.
Moon Woman, What are you? Where are you taking me?
Wilson, Be not afraid. The forest nymphs have taught me how to please a Woman.
Wilson," [desperate] That's not me. That's not ""� I mean, you can see it's not me. He added extra scenes so he could release it as a porno."
House," Be not afraid, Wilson. You took risks for your art."
Wilson," [sighing] Oh, boy. [He starts to leave. House continues watParkng the video, intently. At the door, Wilson turns back.]"
Wilson," No one ""� Hey, look at me ""� No one can know about this."
House," From this moment on, my lips are sealed."
Wilson, Sorry. [He continues walking.]
Thirteen, It's okay. Be not afraid.
Thirteen, Find anything?
Chase," Relevant? No. Interesting. [shrugs] I guess. There's nothing that she doesn't share. ""Angry sex is overrated. How can he expect me to be aroused when I'm so pissed at him?"""
Thirteen," [getting coffee] REvelations like that might just earn her a new kidney. An hour after she blogged about her kidney failure, the hospital got a call from Singapore. One of Frankie's readers asking how hard it would be to donate."
Chase, How good-looking am I? [Thirteen turns and gives him a questioning look.] I'm not asking if you're attracted to me. I'm looking for an objective answer.
Thirteen," Oh, okay, then it's an appropriate question."
Chase," Last night, I acted like a complete tosser to prove to House that women don't go out with me for my looks. Cost me a hundred bucks and my definition of myself. And women."
Thirteen, So date men. They're not shallow at all.
Chase, [has an epiphany] Everything's physical.
Thirteen, Yes. We are physical beings. Some more than others. Please don't define my entire gender based on one night.
Chase," No, what if the Patient's pRoblem is a physical reaction, not an emotional one? What if her lack of arousal had nothing to do with their fight? Sjögren's would inhibit her normal secretions."
Chase, Sorry for keeping you up. I thought it better not to wait till morning.
Frankie," Oh, it's no pRoblem. I'm a night owl. [He takes her IV off the stand attached to the chair.] So you think I might have this Sjögren's 'cause of my lack of discharge?"
Chase, Yeah. It's lucky you wrote about that.
Frankie," And a little crazy, you're thinking, to share that much?"
Chase, Not crazy. Unusual to be so intimate with people you don't know.
Frankie," But I do know them. They read my blog, I comment on theirs. Just 'cause you haven't met someone physically doesn't mean you don't know them. What about you? Are you in a relationship?"
Chase, [not looking at her] It recently ended.
Frankie, Oh. Sorry.
Chase, Lie flat on your back all the way.
Frankie," But you saw each other Every day, right? How much did you tell her about what you were thinking? Or did you just end up talking about where you were going to dinner and who needed to do the laundry?"
Chase, Is that what your relationship with Taylor is like?
Frankie," No. Oh, maybe a little. You know, he's-he's great, but sometimes it's easier to open up to people who aren't looking at you."
Chase, You need to lie flat for us to get the x-ray.
Frankie, I'm actually not comfortable on my back. Can't we do it this way?
Chase, Did you strain a muscle?
Frankie, No. What's wrong?
Chase," I've booked our Patient in for heart surgery. I was doing a sialogram on her, and she didn't want to lie on her back. That's a complaint you hear from people with heart valve issues. It fits. Sjögren's damaged her heart, causing her clotting pRoblems, causing her kidneys to fail."
Taub, You based all that on the fact that she didn't want to lie down?
Chase," Well, that and the cardiac echo I performed after she didn't want to lie down."
House," [looking at the Echo] Her mitral valve is nearly gone. Which means she's nearly gone. [looks at Chase] God, you're pretty."
Chase, So we can replace the mitral valve with a pig valve or with a plastic one.
Frankie, From an actual pig?
Taub," It's the better choice if you want to have Parkldren someday. A plastic valve requires you to be on anticoagulants, which are known to cause birth defects. On the other hand, the pig valve wears out quickly, so you'd need to have heart surgery again in ten years."
Chase," I know that you're on the fence about having kids, but Taylor really wants them. [Taub looks at him.] It's in the blog. [Taylor slumps back in his chair, annoyed.] I'm afraid you two will need to agree on that decision earlier than planned."
Taylor, It's your call.
Frankie, [sighing] Can you pass me my laptop?
Taylor, Seriously?
Frankie, I want to get some feedback.
Taylor, You really think that asking strangers for some off-the-top- of-their-head response is gonna be helpful here? A lot of your readers are into animal rights. They've got you two-thirds of the way to vegan. What are they gonna say about you buying your life with the life of a pig?
Frankie," WhatEver they say, I don't have to do it."
Taylor," It won't work out that way. And we're the ones that are gonna have to live with this. Please, Frankie. Don't tell them."
Frankie," If I start picking and choosing, I'm being dishonest. I'm sorry."
Sandy, Thanks.
Sandy," Though I guess I should thank whoEver taught you how to please a Woman. [He turns slowly, glaring.] Maybe it was the forest nymphs."
Wilson," [turns away from her and says, ominously] Get my Vertigo poster back."
Cashier, Be not afraid. It's exact change.
Wilson, Okay.
Chase, [suspiciously] Hello?
Wilson, I'm looking to get something on House.
Chase, Couldn't you just ask the love nymphs for the secret?
Wilson, Don't. My mission is to find something that House would not like to see made public and make it public.
Chase, In. But you know him better than anyone. Why do you need my help?
Wilson," House would nEver leave anything secret around the condo. But you've worked in the same office with him, on and off, for years. Think back. Were there Ever any odd phone calls or visitors from the past?"
Chase," He openly brings prostitutes into the hospital, and he gambles with bookies 'cause he's too lazy to go to the OTB. And you're asking for some ""� [He stops and laughs.]"
Wilson, What? What? [pause] What?
Chase, He's reading The Golden Bowl.
Wilson," The Gold ""� The ""� by Henry James?"
Chase," Yeah. No. No, no, he's not really reading it. [Wilson is nodding.]"
Wilson," Okay. I don't ""� I don't understand."
Chase, That book's at least 400 pages long. WhatEver he's reading is only half that thick.
Wilson, Maybe he's reading a version with a smaller font.
Chase, He's not using his reading glasses.
Wilson, That's a good point.
Chase," He took the cover off The Golden Bowl and put it onto this other book so no one would know what he was reading. WhatEver it is, he's ashamed of it."
Wilson, [thoughtfully] Huh.
Frankie, I'm going with plastic. It just makes more sense. I don't want another operation later.
Taylor," That's not why you're doing this. Look, when you were first telling me about why you love the Internet, you said that no one has to be alone again. WhoEver you are, whatEver you love, you can connect with someone. If you want to recreate the Boston Tea Party while dressed as imperial storm troopers, you can find the ten other people in the world that have always wanted to do that."
Frankie, That hasn't changed.
Taylor," But you have. This thing that you do, it's not about connection anymore. It's about an audience. It's a perforMance, and you've got one eye on the number of hits. You've turned our lives into their entertainment. You're smart, you're fun to read, it's okay. But don't give them this. Or if you do, don't... expect me to be here."
Wilson," Well, it's a good cover choice. It's not like anyone would pick it up."
Chase, It's Cameron's favorite book. I don't Even know what it's about.
Wilson, Don't do that to yourself. [He opens a drawer and shuffles through some stuff.] What the hell?
Wilson, Giving him a computer is like giving plutonium to Dr. No.
Chase," Got it. [He holds it aloft in triumph. As he opens it, the cover comes off the front. The spine of the book says ""Step by Step.""�]"
Wilson, [reading over Chase's shoulder] Step by Step: Sermons for Everyday Life?
Chase," These are literal sermons, written by a minister. Loving thy neighbor Even when thy neighbor's stereo is keeping you up at night. Why would he read this?"
Wilson," Why would he hide it? He reads the Bible, he reads the Koran. He says he likes to know what mistakes people are making."
Chase, You think he's sincere? You think that he's actually getting something out of this?
Wilson, I don't know.
Chase, [closing the book and smiling] What a hypocrite. How can we use this in a cruel yet funny way?
Wilson, You know what? [takes the book jacket from the desk and the book from Chase] Don't mention this to anyone.
Chase," Well, so what was the point?"
Frankie, Are you gonna be here when I wake up? [Taylor steps over and strokes her hair.] I hate that you don't have a blog. I hate that I don't know what you're thinking.
Taylor, Let's not get into it right now. We need to get you through surgery.
Frankie," I don't want to go in there knowing that you'll stick with me through surgery 'cause that's what good guys do, but once I'm better, you'll be gone."
Taylor, Let's not get into it now.
Frankie," It hurts. [Foreman, a surgeon and a nurse rush over.]"
Surgeon, Is it her heart?
Frankie," No, it's here. [She points to the right side of her abdomen.] Here. [She screams, leans over the side of the bed and vomits clear liquid.]"
Foreman, Get her inside.
Chase, Your appendix burst. We had to remove it.
Foreman, And the biopsy confirms it was full of abnormal cells consistent with lymphoma.
Frankie, I have cancer?
Foreman, We've postponed putting in the new valve.
Frankie," So I mean, I guess we do, what, chemo and all that stuff?"
Chase," Yes, but apparently you've had this for some time. When your appendix burst, it was like a dam giving way. The cells went streaming throughout your body."
Frankie," So you're saying you'll treat, but you don't expect it to work. That's why no valve. It's pointless."
Foreman, Our dean of medicine has approved an experimental treatment. We use your unique cancer cell signature to create a targeted lymphoma vaccine.
Frankie," Okay, so that'll cure me?"
Chase," Well, we're not actually sure what it'll do, but the intention is to train your immune system to recognize and kill cells bearing the same malignant signature while leaving healthy cells alone. But, as Dr. Foreman says, it's experimental."
Frankie, I see.
Taylor," So without it, what kind of time are we talking about?"
Chase, An exact prognosis is impossible.
Taylor," Well, how about a guess? Something, please."
Foreman, Based on people in situations like yours... maybe a year.
Taylor," Baby, whatEver we have to do, we'll do. I can take care of you. I can work from home."
Frankie, [to Chase and Foreman] Sounds good. Thank you for letting me know. We'll start with the treatment whenEver it's ready.
Chase," Is she being a good soldier, or is she in denial?"
Foreman, Denial's not unusual for a first reaction.
Chase, Or it could be a symptom. Some lymphomas affect cognition.
Foreman," If it is denial, she needs time to process. If it's a symptom, hopefully treatment with the vaccine will help."
Chase," Hey, Sandy. [She looks up, smiles, then looks back at the computer screen.] Can I borrow your car? [She looks at him.]"
Chase, She gave me the keys.
Thirteen, You're a doctor. She was doing you a favor.
Chase, She barely knows me. I've been deluding myself that I'm actually connecting with people.
Thirteen," The first person I Ever fell in love with turned out to be a total tool. I mean, he came across all funny and charming and thoughtful, but it was an act. He saw something he wanted, and he knew he had to behave a certain way to get it. In retrospect, the fact that I was 17 and he was 30 should have been a clue. Figuring out who people are takes time. It takes twice as much time if they're trying to impress you. Now I could take from this that anyone who loans me their car has an ulterior motive, or I can accept that it's just a nice thing to do and take people as they come. [pause] You wanna do the first injection?"
Wilson, Why are you reading a book by a Unitarian minister?
House, Book club. Oprah was going on and on... [He grabs an almost empty half-gallon of milk from the refrigerator.]
Wilson," I'm serious. This""�this is messed up."
House, Patient wrote it. [He smells the milk.]
Wilson," No, you've nEver treated a Patient with this name. I looked it up."
House, [finally serious.] It's an assignment from my therapist.
Wilson," No, it wasn't. No one you respect would give you this and expect it to be helpful."
House, It's a book!
Wilson," Of sermons. For anyone else, spiritually enlightening. For you, it's practically a psychotic break. [House drinks the milk straight from the carton and tosses it. He leans heavily on the counter.] I know that you have trouble sometimes with the pain without the Vicodin ""� is that it? Are you so out of options, you're looking for answers in what you consider irrationality?"
House, I'm all right. Trust me.
Wilson, Are you all right because you're back on Vicodin?
House," I said, ""trust me."""
Wilson, I know this means something. [He waves the book.]
House, Do you mind? I haven't finished it yet. [He takes the book and heads down the hall.]
Taub," Thanks for the gift. Obviously differs from my own personal beliefs, but if these stories have helped you through some spiritual turmoil ""�"
House," Read chapter six, entitled ""shut the hell up."""
Foreman, I appreciated the inscription about the benefits of prayer before medical treatments. And I think it's great that you have been called to witness by the Lord.
House," Chapter two, ""bite me."""
Chase, [oozing smarm] Hi. Thirteen's giving our Patient her third vaccine injection. She's responding well so far.
House, Where'd you get all these copies? It's out of print.
Chase, I called the author. He's got cartons of the thing in his basement.
House, You called him? What'd you say?
Chase, That I knew some people who could benefit spiritually from the book.
House, Did you mention me?
Chase," [puzzled] No, but ""�"
Thirteen, [packing ice around Frankie] FEver's at 104. The antibodies tripped her autoimmune response. The vaccine is killing her.
Cuddy," Well, clearly it's not working. You have to stop the vaccine."
House, Sure. Give up. Let her die on schedule.
Cuddy, It's better than speeding up the schedule. How quickly did this come on?
Thirteen, She was all right when I woke her this afternoon to give her the second injection.
Cuddy," Of the stimulating agent, which, added to the first injection, switched her immune reaction into overdrive."
House, Why was she sleeping? Who can sleep in a hospital during the daytime?
Chase," I'm not surprised she's tired. She's always been a night owl. Just by treating her, we've completely disrupted her schedule."
House, Is that what her blog says? She's a night owl?
Chase," No, she told me."
House, In what tense? Is? Was? Will have been?
Chase, I'm not sure.
Cuddy, What are you onto?
House, [checking the blog on Cuddy's computer] Look at the time stamp on this post. 2:30 A.M. Here's one at 4:00 A.M.
Foreman," WhatEver he's onto doesn't change the fact that she has lymphoma and we gave her a dangerous vaccine. We need to ""�"
House," Six months ago, she's posting in the daytime. Two years ago, daytime. That's her natural rhythm."
Taub, Day-night rEversal.
Chase, Sign of liver disease?
House, Which doesn't fit lymphoma.
Taub, But we know she has lymphoma.
House," We know she has the cell atypia that indiCates lymphoma. Biopsy her liver. [The team leaves. House turns to Cuddy.] That was pretty cool what I did, right? You wanna make out?"
Chase, You don't have lymphoma.
Frankie, But you said my appendix was full of cancer cells.
Foreman, your appendix was full of cells that showed a lymphocytic atypia. We now think they were a granulomatous buildup from some unknown cause.
Frankie, So... I'm not dying?
Chase, You're actually dying more quickly than we thought.
Foreman, Unless we figure out what's causing your liver failure... You have three or four days.
Frankie, What the hell do you mean I have three or four days?
Foreman," Well, we're past denial."
Foreman, Maybe we didn't cause the fEver.
Taub," We gave her the vaccine, and her fEver spiked. Seems to me ""�"
Foreman," Yes, but it persisted after we took her off the vaccine. What if it's a new symptom?"
House," Okay. So we add fEver to cell atypia, coagulopathy, kidney, heart, liver..."
Taub, It has to be an infection.
Thirteen, But which one? No one she knows is sick. She hasn't traveled anywhere. There's nothing in the history she gave us. Nothing in her blog.
House, There has to be something unique to this infection. Something about its transmission and the way it Manifests. There has to be something she's not telling us.
Chase," There isn't. She's told us, and Everyone else, Everything."
House," Start her on broad-spectrum antibiotics. [They gape at him, unbelieving.] Since we know Everything, we might as well treat for Everything."
Wilson, I picked up one of the copies of the book that Chase left in the lounge.
House," If you're gonna be this way, I'm not gonna invite you to my baptism."
Wilson," First time I'd seen the real dust jacket. The inside back flap, there's a picture of the author. Imagine how surprised I was when I recognized him. Your biological father is a minister?"
House, Natural selection is not an infallible force.
Wilson," I don't get it. I mean, okay, he was a friend of the family. You'd only known him when you were a kid. But if you wanted to meet him now, get an idea of what he's like, why not just go talk to him?"
House," ""Hi, it's Greg. You slept with my mother."""
Wilson, You're capable of it.
House," I was mildly curious. Enough to read a book, not enough to make a phone call."
Wilson," Please. You didn't read this. You studied it. Why? All your life, you've thought this [waves the book] was crap. You can't suddenly turn around and-and build a whole new worldview based on crap."
House," [As Wilson talks, House has his epiphany.] Crap. [He gets up and heads to the door.]"
Wilson, You better not be faking this just to get out of a tough conversation.
House, Do you poop? [Frankie looks at Thirteen who looks at House.] Come on. Everybody poops. I read the book in medical school. Sinkers or floaters?
Chase, This is the wizard.
House, Greasy and soft or hard and pellet-like?
Frankie, Um... Floaters and the first one.
House," You just had to be so swoft. You're a hypocrite. No lies, no secrets, but Everything stops at your colon. 4,000 pages, not one word about BMs. And I bet yours don't smell at all."
Frankie, Nobody wants to hear about that stuff.
House," Readers don't. People who don't really care about you don't. But doctors might. The icky stuff changed, right, a few months ago?"
Frankie," Well, I became a vegetarian."
House," A lot of people misunderstand how a vegetarian diet works. You take in less unusable material, and your waste gets more efficient. Harder and rounder. Just look at the feces of rabbits. Seriously. I think I might have some! [He starts to look in his pocket.]"
Thirteen, Malabsorption. Her system's not retaining the necessary nutrients.
House," A G.I. Infection causes malabsorption, granulomatous buildup of cells. It's not contagious since no one around her got sick ""�"
Chase and Thirteen, Whipple's disease.
House," [looking from one to the other] Let's split the credit. Start her on co-trimoxazole. [to Frankie] We all need some secrets. As long as they don't kill us, they keep us safe and warm."
Frankie, I'm... I'm gonna be okay?
Chase," You'll still need a new heart valve, and you'll be on meds for a few years, but basically, yeah. Your odds are good."
Taylor, Thank God.
Frankie, I think I wanna go with the pig valve.
Taylor, [handing her the laptop] I know you'll go crazy if you don't tell people.
Frankie, Thank God you're an enabler.
Chase, Do you think people can actually know each other better on the Internet than face-to-face?
Thirteen," Faces can be distracting, but there's nothing better than looking into someone's eyes and, well, Everything that goes with that."
Chase," I don't know. People meet, they like something superficial, and then they fill in the blanks with whatEver they want to beliEve."
Thirteen, Why are you so hung up on this? I refuse to beliEve it's all because you just noticed you have a nice face. You just came off a relationship. You know things go deeper than... Is that what this is about? You and Cameron?
Chase," I was the one that pursued her. Maybe I was just filling in the banks. Maybe... maybe the first reaction was right. We were just two people who were in proximity and found each other attractive, and I ne - I nEver should have..."
Thirteen, Paranoia. You felt something real. So did she. Don't try to take it back now.
Chase, Can I borrow your car?
Thirteen, [smiling] No.
Wilson, Why would it make more sense for you to read your father's book than to go talk with him?
House, Can you write a book? So I can stop talking to you?
Wilson, You weren't looking for some big catharsis. You didn't want to hug the guy. You just wanted to know how his head works. How he thinks.
House, 'Cause I'm fascinated with how ministers think.
Wilson," Because you're not ordinary, House. You're way out there on the fringe somewhere. I'm your best friend, and half the time, I don't understand you. You're alone. Been alone your whole life."
Wilson," When you read that book, you were hoping that somewhere, underneath all that talk of God, there would be a way of thinking, a mind that you could recognize. You wanted what we all want."
House, The power to transform into any water-based object?
Wilson," To look across the gulf and know there's someone else like you. At least tell me this ""� did you find something there?"
House, Underneath the God stuff... More God stuff.
Cuddy, Get maintenance to take that down.
 Damon, It's estimated the observable universe is 93 billion light-years across. It's pRobably more accure...
Abby, I'm gonna be so far away.
Nick, I don't care. I don't want to break up. I'll come on the weekends.
Abby, Stanford's on the other side of the country.
Nick," My dad has, like, ten million frequent flyer miles. He won't care."
Abby, (coughing) Oh.
 Damon, Are we all right over here?
Abby," Uh, yes, Mr. Damon. I just had something caught in my throat."
 Damon," Abby, you know you're not supposed to have any food or drinks in here."
Abby," Oh, it's just water. I have a cough. I didn't want to disturb anyone."
 Damon, We can only observe 4% of the universe. The rest of it is unaccounted for.
Nick, I nEver knew you were such a good liar.
Abby," Well, a little more vodka, and you might find out some more things you didn't know about me."
Nick, Really?
Mr Damon, Nicholas.
Nick," Yes, sir?"
Mr Damon, What conclusions can we draw from the incredible number of stars?
Nick, That the movie's either gonna be really good or really bad.
Mr Damon, I was thinking more about the implications for extraterrestrial life.
Nick," Well, I guess if there's an infinite number of stars, odds are there's at least one galaxy with life other than our own"
Mr Damon, Or
Nick, Or... not?
 Damon," Or our solar system is somehow unique. The question then becomes, ""in what way?"""
Nick," (quietly to Abby) The question then becomes, ""could you possibly teach us anything more useless?"" (looking over at Abby who is staring straight up with unblinking eyes) What are you looking at? (He follows her gaze and then, looking back at her, sees that she has red, foam oozing out of her mouth) Nick: Abby? (He gets out of his seat and shakes her gently) Oh, my God. Something's wrong. She's not breathing. Abby?"
 Damon, Call 911.
Wilson, Would you mind at least putting a napkin under your jelly toast?
House," Get a table, and I won't eat it on the couch."
Wilson," (putting on his overcoat) Yes, you will."
House, But I won't have a good excuse.
Wilson, Why don't you go get a table?
House, Not my condo.
Wilson, You have my permission. Pick out whatEver you want.
House," Then it would be a reflection of me, not you. That wouldn't be right."
Wilson," (He picks his keys off the counter and packs his briefcase) No, it would be a reflection of the fact that the guy who's been mooParkng off of me for as long as I can remember, isn't a complete ingrate."
House, (pausing) You've nEver furnished a home.
Wilson, I have furnished a bunch of homes.
House," No, you've married a bunch of women, who furnished a bunch of homes."
Wilson, You want to eat off something? Fine. Move your piano in here and eat off that.
House, You're afraid.
Wilson," Of a dining table? You know, they don't actually come to life when you put a knob off your bedpost on them."
House," You are what you sit in. Your friends, your job, your furnishings � it all defines you."
Wilson, You don't really beliEve that. You just don't want to do the shopping.
House," Buy some furniture, or admit that you're empty inside."
Wilson, Huh.
Chase, X-rays confirm the fluid that almost suffoCated her to death was from pulmonary edema.
Foreman, Means the pRoblem's either in her heart or lungs.
Thirteen," Tox screen's clean for Everything except the alcohol, and her B.A.C. was barely .05."
Chase," That means she only had one or two drinks, tops."
House, And there's no sign of trauma.
Chase, How'd you know?
House," Because if there was, Cuddy wouldn't have needed me to take the case."
Thirteen, How do you know Cuddy!?
House," Foreman's the only one with the balls to take a case without checking with me, and he's still working on breakfast. Which means that the... (He takes up the Patient file and puts it on his forehead as if he has the power of telepathy) 18... no, 17-year-old honor student �"
Thirteen," Cuddy has a soft spot for smart girls, and they don't start drinking until second semester, senior year."
House," So either you think that smart women look out for each other, which means you're an idiot, or you think Cuddy's not smart, which means... well, I guess it's the same both ways."
Thirteen, Then how did you �
House, Picture fell out of the file. She looks smart. Where's Taub?
Thirteen, You don't already know?
House," Yeah, he's at home in a fight with his wife. I'm just curious what he wanted me to know."
Chase, His car has a flat tire. He's waiting for a tow truck.
Foreman," What about rising blood pressure from binge drinking? It could set off a hypertensive crisis, cause heart failure."
Chase, Two drinks is hardly a binge.
House," (reading the file) Certainly not if you're an Aussie. But when an American schoolgirl has two drinks before 10:00 am, it's a pretty sure bet that the plan is to have a lot more. PRobably wasn't the first time she had that plan."
Chase, We'll get a C-13-pyruvate MRI to check for cardiac lactic-acid lEvels.
House, Someone call Taub. Tell him to cut the ball and chain on his own time.
Taub, We're arguing about couples yoga?
Rachel, No. We're arguing over the fact that we don't Ever do anything together anymore.
Taub, We don't Ever do anything together?
Rachel," Chris, I love you, but I swear, if you start talking to me like I'm on the witness stand again, I'm gonna break your neck."
Taub," Honey, we do stuff together all the time."
Rachel," Really? Like what? Besides sleeping, watParkng tv, going out to dinner, what do we do together, just the two of us?"
Taub," We... You don't like going out to dinner? All right, I'll do the yoga."
Rachel, Forget it.
Taub, Now you don't want me to do it?
Rachel, Just go to work.
Taub, No. I'm not leaving until we work this out.
Rachel," I'm fine. Please, just go."
Nick," Where's Abby Nash? I'm Nick, her boyfriend. (nodding toward his father) This is my dad."
Artie, Hi.
Taub, You can wait in �
Nick, Where is she? Is she okay?
Taub, She's having some tests run.
Nick, Is she okay?
Taub, (sighing and reading from the file) We think her drinking may have damaged her heart.
Nick," Her heart? No, she doesn't drink, not that much."
Taub, Just when she's at school?
Artie," Nick, what's he talking about?"
Nick," It was a field trip. One of the kids had a fake I.D. But dad, you know Abby. Tell him."
Artie," Well, I know what she's like when the two of you are around me, but..."
Taub," If you're right, the tests will come back negative."
Nick, Can you give her a message? I brought her homework... and I love her.
Taub, Sorry I'm late. (He keys the mic and speaks to Abby) Nick loves you. (He sits down beside Chase)
Chase, House doesn't beliEve you got a flat tire.
Taub, What does he think I was doing?
Chase, Fighting with the wife.
Taub, Why would I lie about that? (Chase shrugs and Taub sighs) She wants me to do yoga.
Chase, (looking at the monitor) We need thinner cuts.
Taub, When you and Cameron had disagreements �
Chase," I'm pRobably not, the best guy to go to for marital advice."
Taub, Sorry. It's just �
Chase, Punch in to the mitral valve.
Taub," All right, I get the message."
Chase," (looking at the monitor) No � no, I'm serious. What is that?"
Thirteen, Could be a fungus.
Foreman," E.R. drew blood cultures � all negative, no parasites, no fungus."
Taub, It could be fastidious enteric bacteria.
House," You think she's been eating your wife's cooking? Hey, I'm on your side, Man."
Taub, I am not fighting with my wife. I had a flat tire. It's in my trunk. You can go look at it if you want.
House, Don't need to. Face tells me you're bluffing. (Taub looks at him questioningly) Not yours � Chase's.
Foreman," If she was infected through the intestinal tract, she'd have intestinal symptoms."
Taub, There are other ways to get enteric bacteria into the bloodstream.
Chase," She's not an intravenous drug user, she has no tattoos, and she doesn't have any scars that would indiCate she's a cutter."
Thirteen, Transesophageal Echo could give us a better idea of what we're looking at.
Taub," If that valve is about to dehisce, echo could trigger a heart attack."
House, So come up with a better idea or have a crash cart ready.
Thirteen, Why are you lying to House? Chase told me. What's the big deal?
Taub, Maybe we can talk about this another time... or nEver.
Thirteen, I really don't think she's gonna tell anyone.
Taub," If I admit we're fighting, he's gonna want to know what about."
Thirteen," So tell him, or tell him it's none of his business."
Taub, This is easier.
Thirteen, Really? Because it seems much harder. What do I know? I'm not a guy.
Taub, Yes... If only I could be as open about my emotional life as you are.
Thirteen, It's not about the yoga.
Taub," Really? I thought it was, since we spent an hour talking about yoga, but what do I know? I'm not a girl."
Thirteen, My guess is she thinks you don't want to spend time with her because you're spending it with someone else.
Taub," If she thinks I'm cheating, she would ask."
Thirteen, Because you'd tell the truth?
Taub, I'm not seeing anyone else.
Thirteen, Doesn't matter. You have a history. And that's not her fault.
Taub, So what am I supposed to do? I can't prove a negative.
Thirteen, That is a pRoblem.
Thirteen, There's the heart.
Taub," Valves look fine � no vegetations, no myxomatous changes."
Thirteen, Can you give her a little more sedative?
Thirteen, She's dissecting.
Taub, She's rupturing. Get the scope out.
Abby, Aah!
Thirteen," This doesn't make sense. Her B.P. is normal, and her heart rate was controlled."
Taub, We'll figure it out later. We've only got about 30 seconds to get her open.
Taub, No leakage from cannulation site.
Thirteen, Nice.
Taub, Let's see if she'll start up.
Thirteen, Cardiac paddle.
Taub, Charging. (The maParkne whines) And go. (maParkne zaps)
Taub, Come on.
Thirteen, Again. (maParkne whines)
Taub, Go. (maParkne zaps)
Taub, Pushing five ccs adrenaline. (He pushes the syringe) Zap her again.
Thirteen, No.
Taub, It's not working. Clear. (Thirteen does not move aside) Clear.
Thirteen, Normal sinus rhythm.
Taub, Thank God.
Taub," T.E.E. and intra-operative visualization showed no vegetations on the valves, no structural abnormalities."
Foreman, The dissection means we were wrong about alcohol causing a hypertensive crisis.
House," And by ""we"" you mean ""you."""
Foreman, Yeah. You were the one who didn't have any better ideas.
House, It's not my fault. I was busy trying to Judge Taub.
Taub," Since we already ruled out trauma, the dissection's pRobably a genetic defect."
Foreman, We're running the tests. She's not marfanoid.
Thirteen," What about an allergy? A sEvere enough one could set off a systemic immune reaction, cause fluid in the lungs, and inflammation that could weaken the aorta."
Chase," If it was an allergy, she'd be getting better in the hospital, not worse."
Thirteen, Unless it was inside her.
House, Meaning?
Nick, You want my sperm?
Thirteen, We think a sEvere allergic reaction could be causing systemic breakdown.
Artie, To my son's sperm?
Taub," Actually, his semen is more likely the pRoblem, which, I realize is not what you were reacting to."
Thirteen, When's the last time the two of you had unprotected sex?
Nick, NEver. I use a condom.
Taub, You always use a condom... For Everything?
Nick," (hesitantly) Well, for most Everything."
Thirteen, When?
Nick, The night before she collapsed.
Chase," I'm placing a drop of Nick's semen protein onto the skin. Then I'll abrade it with a needle, check for a rash in an hour or so."
Abby," Mom, come on... we've been dating for three years."
June," Look, I'm not mad, sweetheart. I'm just, confused."
Foreman," A systemic reaction can be triggered by the protein in semen. In most cases, the reaction is fairly minor. But in rare cases, repeat exposure can trigger a hypersensitivity response."
June," Repeat exposure? Ugh, I know, I know � three years."
Abby, Is it supposed to hurt?
Foreman, The reaction should take longer than...
Abby," No, it's not that. Ow."
Foreman," Abby, what's wrong?"
Abby, My stomach.
Chase, Blood in the urine.
Abby, Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Help me! Aah!
Foreman," No allergic reaction. On the other hand, now her kidneys are failing."
Taub, Could be some kind of neuropathy. Syphilitic lightning pains?
House, It's not syphilis. VDRL and enzyme immunoassays were negative.
Thirteen, What about a blood clot?
House, While she's on anticoagulants from the aortic surgery?
Taub, Interstitial nephritis?
House, Wouldn't cause the edema or dissection.
Chase, But cancer could.
House, Would you care to be a little more specific?
Chase," If I could, I would have."
Foreman, We could do a full-body scan.
House, We hate full-body scans.
Foreman," And by ""we"" you mean ""you."" We also hate when a Patient dies before we figure out what's wrong with them."
House, Do the scan.
Taub, How can you convince someone you're not cheating on them?
Foreman," Don't cheat. After a while, they'll catch on."
Taub, What if I don't want to wait that long?
Foreman, Take them with you wherEver you go for 24 hours a day. So your wife's a little insecure. Is that so bad? At least you know she still cares.
Taub," I know she cares. What I want is, for her to be happy. (Foreman looks as though he doesn't beliEve him) What? You don't think I want my wife to be happy?"
Foreman, Sure... As long as it makes you happy.
Wilson, (coming into the room) What do you think?
House, I think you work quickly.
Wilson," Piece of cake, you give them money, they give you furniture. Not bad, huh?"
House," Nope. It's not ""bad""� at all."
Abby, It's taking a really long time.
Foreman, Just hang in there and try not to talk unless you really have to. It can affect the images.
Abby, What was that? Hello? Are you still there?
Abby, I think there's something wrong with the maParkne.
Foreman, It's not the maParkne. It's an earthquake. Hold on. We'll get you out.
Abby, (pulling out the nasal cannula) Get me out now.
Abby, Aah! Ugh!
Abby, Ugh! AAAaaagh! AAAaahhhhh!
Abby," Oh, my God! I can't hold on!"
Abby, AAaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Abby, It's a black hole.
Foreman, She's hallucinating.
Taub, I certainly hope so.
Thirteen, Hallucination means brain pRoblem.
Chase, Brain pRoblems don't split your aorta.
Foreman, A vascular pRoblem could explain both. Inflammation in the blood-vessel walls leads to dissection in the aorta and could cause an aneurysm in the brain that could cause the visions.
Thirteen," It's a bit convoluted, but brain and heart function are susceptible too."
Taub, (texting to Rachel) Whatcha doing?
House," If there was any sign of inflammation of the aorta, that would make sense."
Rachel, (texting back) groceries.
s screen, What r u wearing?
Rachel, (texting) U don't want to know.
s screen, Take off your shirt.
Rachel, (smiling and texting back) R u nuts?
s screen, Touch yourself.
Taub, House! It's not funny. I got enough pRoblems already.
House, Trust me. This is gonna help.
Foreman, An aneurysm explains the hallucinations. And it's the one thing we haven't excluded from the differential.
House, (to Taub) Your texting does not prove you're faithful. It just proves you know she thinks you're unfaithful. Can't force trust. (turning back to the case) What did she hallucinate?
Thirteen, The content of the hallucination isn't relevant.
House, Not usually.
Foreman, Not Ever.
House," We know nothing, brain knows all. You get an ulcer, you don't know it, but the brain increases mucin secretions. It knows what the pRoblem is, knows where the pRoblem is."
Foreman, It's a big logical jump from a body's immune response to the brain giving subconscious diagnostic clues.
Chase," What about dreaming about waterfalls, running streams if you need to go to the bathroom?"
Foreman," Sure. That's the same as the brain shouting, ""you have pancreatic cancer."""
House, Her subconscious is trying to tell her something. We need to eavesdrop.
Taub," She was screaming she was being sucked into a black hole, so, we should look for a tumor in her anus?"
House, We need the whole story. The cognitive pattern recognition program might tell us what's going on in her head.
Foreman," Or we could act on something based in science, not science fiction. Get an MRA with contrast to see if she has an aneurysm, unless you think Cuddy's gonna go for the mind reading."
House," Fine. Do the MRA. When it comes back negative, we can move on to the... crazy but possible ideas. (the team leaves)"
Wilson, (clearing his throat) What did you do with the furniture?
House, I returned it.
Wilson, You told me to buy it.
House," But you didn't buy it. You rented it. You made one phone call to (reading from a business ad) Economy Furniture Supply � ""we get it done so you don't have to."""
Wilson," So what? We had a table, chairs �"
House, But no clue what any of it meant.
Wilson, Fine. I'll hire a decorator.
House, Perfect. Another Woman to tell you who you are.
Wilson, I'll hire a male decorator.
House, Step inside one furniture store and find one thing you like.
Wilson," I like, not doing this."
House, One.
Nick, (in a voice that sounds distorted) Abby
Abby, (looking over at Nick) Hi. Where's my mom?
Nick, She went down to get some breakfast. How are you feeling?
Abby," Well, besides the fact that I can barely breathe and I ache all over, not good."
Nick, Anything I can do?
Abby, Just don't go.
Nick, I'm not going anywhere.
Nick, Been a while since we've gone more than a day without doing that.
Nick, (as an hallucination in Abby's mind) I'm not going anywhere.
Abby, What'd you say?
Nick, I've been thinking.
Nick, (as an hallucination in Abby's mind) Been a long time since we went more than a day without doing that.
Hallucination of Young Abby, We have a secret.
Nick," Now, you don't need to answer right now, but... (he opens a ring box) Abby, I want to marry you."
Hallucination of Young Abby, Tell him the secret. It's okay.
Abby, Something's wrong.
Nick, What?
Foreman," Abby, what are you feeling?"
Abby, I don't know.
Hallucination of Young Abby, Your secret is killing you.
Abby," I see, um... maybe it's all the medication. I'm just � um..."
Taub, Abby. Can you hear me?
Hallucination of Young Abby, You deserve to die.
Foreman, (to the nurses) We need four milligrams lorazepam.
Taub, She seized for over a minute.
Foreman, Inner-ictal E.E.G. showed no synchronous discharges.
House, And the MRA?
Foreman, No aneurysms or arterial or venous malformations in the brain.
House, As predicted. What did we say we'd move on to?
Thirteen, Out-of-body experiences can be induced by sensory overload in the temporoparietal junction.
Foreman," Temporoparietal junction was clean on MRI, MRA, and whole-body scan."
House," Which just leaves us with the question of, what happened during the out-of-body experience?"
Taub," If I say her blood pressure shot up over 200 and she bit her tongue, would that be a satisfactory answer?"
House, Sure. If you then went on to answer the following � Did she float above her body? Did she see Jesus? Did she bathe in the Ganges?
Foreman," No, no, and no. Can we get back to the medical science?"
House, No.
Taub, She claims she emerged from her body as a younger version of herself and started talking. She couldn't remember what was discussed.
Foreman," But I'm sure it wasn't a differential. House, cognitive pattern recognition is 50 years from being a useful diagnostic tool."
Chase," Even if we can get the equipment, it takes hours for the initial mapping. If she has another seizure, she could stroke out."
House," Coincidentally, she could also have a stroke if we do nothing."
Foreman, I'm not telling a mother who's scared out of her mind that our best shot is a magic trick.
House," It's not magical. It's experimental. Just like washing your hands after pooping once was. And technically, it's not our best shot. I'm pretty sure it's our only shot."
House," Perfect. So, Foreman, go get her consent. The rest of you go down to the cog sci lab. Equipment should already be there."
Taub, I'll catch up.
Rachel, Thanks for the invite. I'm not sure I'm up for the hospital food.
Taub," Good, 'cause I wasn't planning on lunch."
Foreman," While you watch video clips, a computer maps how your brain processes the images."
June, How long will it take?
Foreman," Six hours. But that's really just the prep. Once the computer maps how she processes the information, we'll put her under twilight sedation, use the same equipment to monitor her unconscious thoughts."
Foreman," Hopefully, it'll spit out a very basic video of whatEver's going on in her head."
Abby, And what will that tell you?
Foreman," Hopefully, it'll give us a clue as to where your brain thinks the pRoblem is."
Artie," A lot of ""hopefullys."""
Nick, Could it hurt her?
Foreman, We're at a diagnostic dead end. We've got to try something.
Rachel, This is much better than lunch.
Taub, I agree.
Rachel, What made you think of this?
Taub, I missed you.
Rachel," No, I-I mean this � car, in the Parking lot. I just don't like feeling like maybe this isn't the first time you've done this."
Taub," It's the first. I love you. You know that, right?"
Rachel, Yes.
Taub, I want you to be able to trust me.
Rachel," And I want to, but �"
House," Inspiration point doesn't open till after dark. Got a real cool magic show about to start. Also, I'm gonna need to check your spare."
Chase," Abby, can you think of something specific?"
Abby, Like what?
Chase, Doesn't matter. Just make it a single image.
Thirteen, (to Abby) What are you thinking?
Abby, About Nick playing baseball.
Taub, Holy crap.
Chase, That's amazing.
Foreman, Yeah. Now all we have to do is read her subconscious and hope that it's completely rational and went to med school.
Chase, Does anything get you excited?
SalesWoman, Can I help you with something?
Wilson," Yes. Uh, I was wondering if you could tell me a little bit about this dining table."
SalesWoman," It's made of wood, and you eat off it."
Wilson, So you're paid by commission?
SalesWoman," It's furniture. Find something you like. Let me know, I'll ring it up."
Wilson, Thank you so much.
Wilson," Okay, that's � that's not the one. (He gets up immediately)"
Gabiella," That is a remarkable collection, if I can show it to you. I'm Gabriella."
Wilson, I'm really just looking for a nice dining room table.
Gabriella, I see. You're daring.
Wilson," Yes, I do that sometimes, but... right now, why am I daring?"
Gabriella, You're not constrained by rules. What else attracts you in the patio section?
Wilson," Wait, this is a patio table � for outside? (He walks away from Gabriella)"
Foreman," Well, it's taken us just over an hour to prove that she has a very boring subconscious."
House, Anyone Ever tell you you can be a real buzzkill?
All but Foreman, Yes.
Taub, (looking at the monitor) Stars? Maybe that's a stripe?
House, It's the sky. She's thinking about the moon and the stars and the sky.
Foreman, She's going to Stanford to study physics. It's not a big rEvelation that she'd think about the sky.
Chase," Or, star could be a white blood cell. Leukemia?"
House, Who's that?
Thirteen, Her dad? He died when she was eight.
House, What did daddy die of?
Thirteen," Um, private-plane crash � no connection."
Foreman," Stars, moon, sky, white blood cells, heart valves, black holes, or anus, or a million other circular passageways into the body, and her dad."
Chase, (looking up at House) What do you think it means?
House," She likes school, and she has daddy issues � Neither of which helps us."
Chase, So now what do we do? Start over? We obviously missed something.
Thirteen, What about the liver?
Taub," What about her left toe? Oh, sorry. I thought we were randomly picking out body parts that had nothing to do with her symptoms."
Thirteen," Liver's responsible for proteins, immunological effects, production of red blood cells. Might be able to explain the lungs, the hallucinations."
House, (still examining the model of the brain) Not the aortic dissection.
Chase," Kidneys are also failing. We add in polycystic disease, could explain the dissection."
House," So that's one imperfect theory, plus a rare complication of a second theory, which gives us a complete explanation. Don't polish the notion, Foreman."
Foreman, Pineal gland is calcified.
Taub, It's supposed to be calcified. Happens after puberty.
Foreman, What if it's obscuring a tumor? It's the only place we couldn't look inside.
House, Get a better look at her pineal gland with three tesla fast spin echo MRI. (The team leaves to do the test)
Cuddy, You're pacing my office 'cause you're buying furniture?
Wilson," No, I'm pacing your office because I'm physically incapable of buying furniture."
Cuddy, For Amber's old place?
Wilson," (hesitating guiltily) Yeah. Uh, it needs some new �"
Cuddy, I know you bought the place I wanted. You're a jerk. Let's move on. Hire a decorator.
Wilson," I'm supposed to find, me."
Cuddy," Backpack through Europe. (she starts writing something on a notepad) I know it's hard to beliEve, but you know what says Even more about who you are than your furniture? The fact that you are letting House tell you how to buy furniture. (tearing off the note she wrote and handing it to Wilson) Call Beatrice."
Foreman, MRI rEvealed no remarkable features on her pineal gland. But there were slightly elevated lEvels of lactate dehydrogenase isoenzymes.
House, Which we would expect to see if there was an allergic reaction happening.
Foreman, There's definitely no allergy.
Foreman, Parasite? There's this Middle Eastern parasite �
House," (angry because they have reached a dead end) How exactly do you want to be shot down? On the basis of the fact that she's nEver been within 6,000 miles of the Middle East, or on the basis of the fact that all our scans and urine samples came back clean? (sighing) And yet she's still failing, system after system. (sighing again) So, either we find the answer at autopsy or..."
Foreman, What?
House, I got nothin'.
Taub," I was gonna head out. If there's any change, I assume you'll page me?"
House," Are you having an affair? Does it bother you that your wife doesn't have the guts to actually ask that question, and I do?"
Taub," On both ends, yes."
House," Difference is, I'm not afraid of the answer. And I might beliEve you."
Taub, I'm not having an affair.
House, But you want to.
Taub," No, I don't. I'm through living like that."
House," Why? What, you finally got to the point where half your age plus sEven just isn't young enough?"
Taub," Talk to you later, House."
House, Or is it because you now really are old enough to be their � (He pauses as the answer suddenly comes to him) The dad. Does he travel for work?
Taub," What do you mean, ""does he""? He died almost ten years ago."
House," Not hers, her boyfriend's. He's the one in her visions."
House, I'm your son's girlfriend's doctor.
Artie, Oh.
House," It's a mouthful, but pRobably not as tricky as your title."
Artie," Um, okay. Is Abby gonna be all right?"
House, Do you travel a lot?
Artie," Yeah, I have a food-import business. Why?"
House, Where'd you go?
Artie," All over � France, Italy, the mediterranean. Why?"
House, I think you exposed her to a parasite.
Artie, Oh. I thought the scans didn't show any.
House, Because she doesn't have any.
Artie, But you just said �
House," It's cool. My theory is that her body was able to kill off the parasite, but what it couldn't do was get rid of the shell, which doesn't show up on the scans. That little piece of microscopic garbage set off an allergic reaction called cerebellar sParkstosomiasis delayed hypersensitivity allergy, or cusdehaaa. Risky, unpleasant treatment, but completely curable."
Artie," Well, that's fantastic."
House," You'd think so, wouldn't you? Only thing is, did you Ever have sex with your son's girlfriend?"
Artie, Where the hell do you get off asking �
House," Shut up! See, I can't treat this unless I can confirm it, and the only way she could have been exposed to this parasite is sexually, which means she's gonna die very soon unless you admit that you slept with her."
Nick, Dad? What's going on?
House," (walking around behind Artie so that he is now facing his son) Gee, this is bad, because you now have to choose between her living and the truth becoming public. And frankly, given what the truth is, it's a tough call."
Artie, (rationalizing) You'd broken up.
House, (to Nick) Your girlfriend is not allergic to your semen. She's allergic to the Egyptian parasite swimming around in your dad's semen.
Nick, You slept with Abby?
Artie, I was drunk. We both...
House," No need to explain. Technically, she was legal."
Artie," Wait, wait, wait. Wait. Wait!"
House," Hey... All things considered, it's actually great news."
Wilson, So what do you think?
House," You wussed out, and used a decorator."
Wilson, Why can't that be me � The wuss who loves decorators?
House, 'cause it's not.
Wilson, Okay. It's not. But don't return it. I can't keep doing this.
House, You have to. You can't keep letting other people define you.
House, Not another elephant.
House, Decorator didn't pick this.
Wilson, You're gonna have to buy your own cape.
House," (turning to look at Wilson) I like what this says about you, Wilson."
Rachel, (pointing to a picture) I don't remember him at the wedding. Do you?
Taub," I don't remember most of the people who were at our wedding. (He closes the album, puts it down, and gets down on his knees in front of his wife) Which is why... I thought I'd ask the love of my life to marry me. (He opens a ring box and presents it to Rachel)"
Rachel, We're already married.
Taub, I want to be better at it.
Rachel," Oh, it's beautiful."
House, What'd you tell him?
Taub, That it doesn't mean she doesn't love him.
House, And he bought it?
Taub, (seriously) It's true.
House, Your wife say yes?
Taub, How did you know �
House," Monkey see, monkey do. At least he has the young and stupid excuse."
Taub, She said yes.
House, (sincerely) Good for you.
Taub, Thank you.
Donald , [voice over] How about the name Brooke?
Sarah, [voice over] She just doesn't seem like a Brooke anymore.
Donald, [voice over] Brook Lynn.
Sarah," She's a baby, not a city."
Donald," What do you think, bud? Got any suggestions?"
Walker, Toadette. I'm hungry.
Donald, [quietly] I'll get you guys something to eat. [He puts Toadette in the bassinette. She fusses a bit.] You're okay. Okay.
Chase, I was paged? [The receptionist looks toward the front door. Cameron gets up from the bench where she has been waiting. She hasn't taken off her coat. She's holding a large Manila envelope.] What are you doing here?
Cameron, Can we talk somewhere?
Donald, I was thinking Doroth � [He realizes Everyone is asleep. He puts some food on the table in front of Walker and the rest on Sarah's bed table. He looks in the bassinette.] Sarah?
Sarah, Um. Yeah.
Donald, Where's the baby?
Voice on Walkie Talkie, Attention all units!
Smits," No one saw anyone go in or out, and the baby's not in the nursery."
Cuddy, What was her condition?
Maldonado, Five weeks preterm. C-section because her mom's preeclampsia.
Cuddy," Is that the father? [approaches Donald] Mr. Lozinski. I'm Dr. Cuddy, Dean of Medicine. How long were you out of the room?"
Donald," Um, 15, 20 minutes tops."
Cuddy, [to Smits] Was there a proximity alarm?
Smits, No alarms.
Donald, What's that?
Cuddy, The bracelet on your baby's ankle has a microParkp that would set off alarms if she was carried through an exit. [to the staff] Call the police. Shut down all the exits. We are on lockdown. Nobody moves until we find that baby.
Cameron, Why won't you sign the divorce papers?
Chase, It's been on my to-do list. Sorry.
Cameron, Will you sign them?
Chase, Not until we have a real conversation about our marriage.
Cameron, Okay. I made a mistake coming here. I'm sorry. I'm gonna leave... this copy here.
Loud Speaker," Code sEven. Code sEven. All non-essential personnel and guests please remain where you are. Security personnel should report to their staging areas and await further instructions. All Patients, please remain in your rooms, and use call buttons if you need medical assistance. Please remain calm and wait for hospital personnel to come to you. Do not try to leave your room until the code sEven has been lifted. Please clear hallways."
 the following can be seen,]
Guard," Nurse, just leave it. [annoyed] Leave it. You need to get into the room now. [He half pushes her into the room.]"
Loud Speaker, Please notify hospital personnel or police immediately if you see anything suspicious.
Loud Speaker, We cannot allow anyone to leave the hospital at this time. All personnel should remain in their staging areas unless otherwise instructed by security.
House," Yeah, yeah, yeah, gotta clear the �"
Loud Speaker, Thank you for your patience and cooperation.
Another Guard, And did anyone other than your nurses Ever come by asking about your daughter?
Sarah," No. No, just those two."
Another Guard, I'll check in soon.
Sarah, Wait.
Donald, What are you doing?
Sarah," No, I need to help them look. [She doubles over.] Ow!"
Cuddy, You have to stay in bed. You pulled a stitch. Lay back down. [quietly to Donald] I got it. [to Sarah] Why don't I give you something to help you relax?
Sarah," No, no, I don't want to relax. I want to find my baby."
Cuddy, The police are searParkng room by room.
Sarah, Who would take her? What if she needs to be fed?
Cuddy, We're gonna find her.
Donald, Why aren't the police talking to our nurse?
Thirteen, What now?
Wilson, Truth or dare?
Thirteen," Oh, no, you don't want to mess with me. True or dare queen at Newton North."
Wilson, I was kidding. I'm sure we can find something interesting to talk about without relying on some juvenile game.
Thirteen, Sure.
Wilson, [sighs] Truth.
Smits, They think I took the kid? Do you think I would do something �
Cuddy," No, I'm just asking questions."
Smits," The dad let the older brother hold the baby for the first time. So I put her in his lap. After a few seconds, she shrieked. I'm pretty sure he pinched her."
Cuddy, I need to know this stuff. Anything out of the ordinary.
Smits, It was sibling rivalry. I thought it was kind of ordinary.
Foreman, Hey.
Taub, What are you doing down here?
Foreman, I was looking for McKenna's Patient file.
Taub," Oh, you mean this file? [He picks it up off the floor.] The one I said I'd get?"
Foreman, Two hours ago?
Taub," Seriously, you don't trust me with the immense responsibility of fetParkng a file?"
Foreman," If you already found it, what are you looking through those for?"
Taub, Do you know what these are? The staff credentials files.
Foreman, Those should all be in H.R.
Taub," Down here to be digitized. And we're locked in, and whoEver's supposed to be watParkng 'em is locked out. We could look up anything on anyone. Malpractice records, felony histories �"
Foreman, Put them away.
Taub, Come on. We have a tiny window of opportunity to gain some insight into our colleagues. [Foreman gives him a look.] Okay. What if we just snoop on the boss?
Foreman, I think I can live with that.
House," You're on two milligrams of morphine an hour. How the hell are you still awake? No, don't tell me. [He takes the chart from the foot of the bed and glances at it.] Ischemic cardiomyopathy. If the blood's not reaParkng your gut, you have intestinal hypoperfusion. That'd be stronger than the narcotics."
Nash, The nurse said I might only have a day or two left.
House, She was being kind.
Nash," You're Dr. House, aren't you?"
House," Oh, God, don't tell me we used to date."
Nash," The limp. Yeah, I read about you. I sent you a letter before they knew what was wrong. Tried to get you to take my case."
House," Yeah, well, you should have kept reading. Heart disease is kind of below my pay grade."
Nash, It started as tooth pain. No one got it that it was a heart pRoblem. Till I had a series of massive heart attack �
Nash, This doesn't bother you?
House, You talking with your mouth full? A little.
Nash," I meant the fact that you're standing here watParkng me die because of my ""� my file bored you."
House, I take maybe 1 in 20 cases. A lot of the people I turn down end up dying. It's really a good argument for there being more than one me when you think about it.
Thirteen, Truth.
Wilson, All right. Have you Ever had a threesome?
Thirteen, No.
Wilson, [surprised] You haven't?
Thirteen," Wait, just ""� just because I'm bisexual?"
Wilson," Well, yeah."
Thirteen," Do you understand what bisexual means? It doesn't mean you have sex with two people at once. [Wilson chuckles.] And by the way, you didn't ask me if I'd had a foursome. Truth or dare?"
Wilson, Wait. You've had a foursome?
Thirteen," No, but now you've asked me two questions, so I get to ask you two. You see why I was the queen."
Wilson, [pumping both fists in] Oh!
Sarah, Walker wouldn't do anything. He's my son too.
Cuddy," I don't mean to sound cold, but he's your stepson. We can't ignore any possibility."
Sarah," [after a long pause] Walker's been getting in fights a lot at school lately. Last week, he hit another kid with a book hard enough to draw blood. If he did something to the baby..."
Chase, We were working on it.
Cameron, And we failed.
Chase," No, you had a conversation with House, then came back, informed me I'd been forEver poisoned by him, and started packing."
Cameron, It's interesting how your story leaves out the part where you murdered another huMan being.
Chase, A dictator who was committing genocide. You thought about doing it yourself.
Cameron, But I didn't.
Chase," Right. Because you're not toxic like I am. [He sneers slightly on the word ""toxic.""�]"
Cameron, What do you think is gonna happen here? You're gonna logic me into coming back?
Taub, [flipping through the file] There must be over 30 malpractice settlements in here.
Foreman," [looking at the other side of the file folder] He did a brain biopsy without CT mapping, causing brain herniation and death."
Taub, Look at this one. Patient lost four liters of blood from a botched penisectomy.
Foreman, [looking over Taub's shoulder] On a Patient named Cuddy? [They both flip through the papers.] Damn it. They're all named Cuddy.
Taub," He's not Even here, and he's screwing with us. [drops the file on a shelf] Where's the joy in that?"
Foreman, You really want to get into his head?
Taub," Yeah, but I decided against stabbing myself in the leg or getting addicted to pain pills."
Foreman," [reaParkng into his pocket] You can, uh... skip the stabbing."
Taub, Where did you �
Foreman, ConfisCated them from a drug seeker in that clinic. Didn't get a chance to turn 'em in.
Taub, It is after hours. I'll take one. [tips one into his hand] Walk in House's shoes for a night.
Foreman, One? I beliEve he wears a larger size.
House," No cards, no flowers, not Even a phone call. Let me guess. LightHouse keeper."
Nash, I was a classics professor at Princeton for 26 years. Mostly research.
House," So your closest colleagues died 2,000 years ago. That must be it. Not that you have no friends because, say, you're a miserable bastard."
Nash, What do you care?
House," The next few hours are gonna be grim. There'll be nausea, pain, no company, as soon as I can get myself out of here. I can unlock the regulator. You can put yourself in a narcotic haze, sleep blissfully to the end."
Nash," Oh, is that a favor to me or to you?"
House, Win-win.
Nash," [laughs shortly] No, thanks."
House, Are you trying to guilt me for not taking your case?
Nash, You think a classicist doesn't beliEve in fate?
House," You think Odysseus would lie whimpering like a loser in a hospital bed? [getting up and approaParkng Nash] Come on, take my offer. Take the drug holiday. Numb yourself out."
Nash, I think you're the one who wants to numb himself out.
Thirteen, Truth.
Wilson, How did your dad react when you came out to him?
Thirteen," He made me tea. Seriously. Doesn't matter what I tell him. He smiles, tells me he supports me, and makes me some peppermint tea. Truth or dare?"
Wilson," Um, truth."
Thirteen, Are you dating anyone?
Wilson, Now? No.
Thirteen, Interesting. You added a modifier. Truth.
Wilson," Um, when you were dating Foreman..."
Thirteen," No, no. No."
Wilson, What?
Thirteen," If it was something personal about him or us, I just don't think that's right to answer. We all work together."
Wilson," That's the whole point of this game � something personal, preferably embarrassing."
Thirteen, Just pick something else.
Wilson," You see, this is your pRoblem. You act like you're so liberal and open, but you are the least �"
Thirteen, I changed my mind. Dare. Just no nudity.
Wilson," Yes, nudity. I want you to show! your breasts! to Taub."
Thirteen, That is the most idiotic dare Ever. Have you Ever played this game?
Wilson," Well, I thought showing me your breasts would be a little exploitative."
Thirteen," Your dare is in the future, genius."
Wilson," Hey, if you're saying you won't do it..."
Thirteen," No, no, no, no. Of course I'll show my breasts to Taub. Tomorrow, perhaps, or maybe some time next year, you know, because I'm honor-bound. Truth or dare?"
Cuddy, It's understandable that you wouldn't be happy right now. Your world is changing. You scared? [He nods.] And how do you feel about your sister?
Walker, I hate her.
Cuddy," Walker, this is important. Did you do anything to the baby? Did you move her somewhere? Hide her?"
Walker, No.
Cuddy, Nobody'd be mad at you.
Walker," I said no, so stop asking me."
Nash, Bad pain day?
House, Bad pain month.
Nash," Since I'm not using it... [He gestures toward the morphine pump. House looks annoyed.] Oh, if you don't want the morphine, you must have something of your own, Hmm?"
House," I was in rehab. I had a little pRoblem with the something of my own. Now all I take is ibuprofen, and it's two flights up."
Nash, For the whole month?
House, The pain's migrated. I think the arterial wall is damaged.
Nash," What, you don't know?"
House, I haven't had an arteriogram yet.
Nash," And you don't want the test. In case the arterial wall is fine. Which would mean that the pain is coming from something else. [slight, smug smile] What's her name?"
House, Interesting... That you jump from physical pain to long-lost love. You're projecting. So what's her name?
Nash, What time is it?
House," What does it matter to you? It's ""t"" minus four hours. [Nash looks at him. House checks his watch.] 8:20. Now tell me who she is and what are the pathetically long odds that she's gonna visit or call. And why that's a reason not to take the morphine."
Taub, Dude.
Foreman, Dude.
Taub, Is the room still spinning?
Foreman, Mine is. Maybe we shouldn't have taken so Many.
Taub, I'm gonna try to stand up.
Foreman, You be careful.
Taub," Oh, yeah. That's working."
Foreman, I can't feel my face.
Taub, No way.
Foreman, Way. Hit me.
Taub," [still leaning on the shelves, laughs too] What?"
Foreman, Hit me in the face.
Taub, Seriously?
Foreman, You know you've always wanted to. Now's your chance.
Taub," That's a great idea. We start a fight club. Maybe we... [Foreman punches him lightly. He stays standing. He feels his face with both hands while Foreman makes ""come on""� gestures.] Oh, my God! You � that is so cool!"
Foreman, Okay. [Taub hits him. He goes flying and lands on the floor. Taub holds his wrist.]
Taub, I can still feel my hand.
Foreman," [still on the floor, laughing] I wasn't ready."
Taub, What were you gonna do? [laughs] Flex your goatee muscles? Wait a minute. [Taub stops laughing and takes a folder out of Foreman's bag.] This is your credentials file?
Foreman," [grabs for it as Taub backs away] Hey, give me that."
Taub, That's why you came down here. Not for the Patient file. You wanted... [Foreman grabs for it again. Taub runs off.] You wanted...
Cameron," Okay, Robert. I will answer whatEver questions you want. But then you're gonna have to sign the papers. [She takes off her coat and puts it aside. She faces him, ready for business.]"
Chase, Did you Ever love me?
Cameron, [surprised] How can you Even ask that?
Chase, The first time you slept with me was because you were on crystal meth.
Cameron," I was on the drugs because I was emotional. It was the emotions that led to the sex, not the drugs."
Chase," Not true. After that, you refused to let it go further than just sex."
Cameron, Because I knew I was falling for you and I didn't want to.
Chase, And that nEver changed. You broke off our vacation because I bought you a ring.
Cameron, I got cold feet. I'm not proud.
Chase, And then you almost called off our wedding because �
Cameron, Don't
Chase, � you couldn't give up the idea �
Cameron, Don't!
Chase, � of having your dead husband's baby.
Cameron, [angry] Don't bring him up!
Chase," Because Even then, you weren't sure about me. Maybe if I was dying when you married me, it would have been a bit different."
Cameron, That's not fair.
Chase," It's not only fair, it's exactly the point. He was dying when you met him, and he was gone just a year into the marriage. So it was all a Honeymoon with him. And I could nEver match up to that. The first time reality intruded �"
Cameron, Stop this.
Chase, Just tell me the truth.
Cameron, About what?
Chase, Did you Ever love me?
Cameron, [almost crying] I don't know!
Chase, [calm] Thank you for finally telling me.
Wilson, Truth.
Thirteen," You said you weren't dating anyone now. Does that you mean you recently were, or soon will be? [He hesitates, his lips pinched together.] Oh. Look who's guarded now. You had no pRoblem talking about your sex life, but your love life... Fine. Dare it is."
Wilson, [shakes head] No nudity now or in the future.
Thirteen," You're too much of a nice boy, Wilson. Let's let the bad boy out for a bit. You have to go steal one dollar right now."
Wilson," From who? [She looks through the window in the partition. He follows her gaze and sees the cashier.] Oh, come on."
Taub," [reads] Uh, interned at Hopkins. Old news. [excited] Here we go. Academic pRobation."
Foreman, I am asking you to please stop reading.
Taub, I'm afraid I can't do that. Faked a lab result. [pseudo-scolding] Very wrong! And you came down to destroy the record before it gets digitized. PerManentized. Even wronger.
Foreman," I... I needed to beat all those elite, spoiled kids around me, to show no weaknesses, to win at Everything. Why'd I just tell you that? I always talk too much when I'm stoned. Why'd I just tell you that?"
Taub, It was stupid. You had great grades. One lab result shouldn't have mattered.
Foreman," Except I didn't think I deserved to be at a top med school in the first place. [to himself, annoyed at having rEvealed another secret] Again."
Taub, Faking lab results is one thing. But you needing to come down here to destroy the records 12 years after the fact... This isn't about med school. You don't think you belong here. At the hospital.
Foreman," [reads the cover of a file he's holding] Dr. Taub, comma, Christopher Michael."
House, So this is what it comes down to in the final hours. Deifying some lost love. Hoping to get her on the phone and make Everything perfect. It's pathetic. Either you left her for a reason or she left you for a reason. [He turns and walks toward Nash. He's holding the emesis basin that he was washing.] A phone call is not �
Nash, It's my daughter.
House, So why isn't she here?
Nash," I left my family... when Gracie was six. I was sort of forced out, actually, after I'd had an affair with a student."
House, For sex or love?
Nash," Neither. I'd only married Gracie's mother because of the baby. But I didn't think I could handle commitment, and, like any decent academic, I proved myself right."
House, And what time it is matters because?
Nash," She's a dance teacher in Atlanta. She gets home from work at 9:00, and I just wanted to speak to her one more time. That's my story. What's yours?"
House, Same thing. Pretty much.
Nash, I'm gonna be dead in a few hours. Your secrets couldn't be safer. Unless you're keeping them from yourself.
House," I like being alone. At least I convince myself that I'm better off that way. And then I met someone! at a psyParkatric hospital, of all places. She changed me. And then she left. We're better off alone. We suffer alone. We die alone. Doesn't matter if you're a model husband or father of the year. Tomorrow will be the same for you."
Nash, But yesterday would have been different.
Wilson," Hey, Dar-Daria. [He read her nametag.]"
Daria, Dr. Wilson.
Wilson, Could you cook me up a Parkcken sandwich?
Daria, Grill's closed.
Wilson," It's important medically. Dr. Hadley needs a high-protein meal right now. She doesn't like to talk about it, but she has hypoproteinemia."
Daria, We got Parkcken salad.
Wilson, Yeah. That's cold.
Daria, She needs to eat warm protein for this disease?
Wilson," Well, we could give her cold protein whose uptake enzymes haven't been activated, as long as you don't mind her risking liver and kidney failure and Eventual death. But, hey, it's worth it so you don't have to flip on the grill."
Daria, You don't have to be obnoxious about it.
Cameron, [still teary] How do you look so okay?
Chase," I spent months wondering how I made it go bad. If you nEver loved me, then ""� then I didn't do anything wrong. [She starts to cry. He gets up and goes to her.] Hey. Allison, come on. It's all right."
Cameron, I still don't know why I said that. It's not Even true. I did love you. Just... not in a way that would have Ever worked.
Chase, [puzzled] Why not?
Cameron, Because Everything you said is true. I'm a mess. I married a Man I knew was dying. So God knows how screwed up I already was. Him dying messed me up Even more. I pushed you out of my life. And I-I'm unfixable. [She tries to laugh.] Not you.
Chase, [quietly] I'm sorry.
Cameron, I'm sorry too.
Thirteen, Truth.
Wilson, Shut up.
Thirteen, I'm sorry.
Wilson, It's not your fault.
Thirteen," No, I didn't Even play fair. You asked me how my dad reacted when I told him I was bisexual. And the Huntington's."
Wilson, No tea party?
Thirteen, I nEver told him. He's been through enough.
Wilson," So he just visits his heterosexual, healthy daughter, and you go out to dinner and a movie and talk about your garden?"
Thirteen, I work late. He's staying at my House. It's easier if I stay elsewhere as much as I can.
Wilson, You can't suppress your life for his convenience.
Thirteen," You don't see a little irony in that? That's exactly what you do for House. When he moved in with you, you bought a bigger place for him. No wonder you're not dating anyone."
Wilson," You're right. That Woman, the Woman I'm not involved with, her name is Sam Carr. But in 1990 and 1991, it was Sam Wilson."
Thirteen, Your ex-wife?
Wilson," No, my mother. Yes, my ex-wife. Ex number one. She friended me a few weeks ago. We started emailing. It turns out she's recently divorced, and I wanted to ask her out."
Thirteen," You can't take a Woman to dinner, or else House will go running straight back to the loony bin? You're not worried about House. You're worried about yourself. Because she's an ex. So Even dinner will mean it's immediately serious."
Cameron, What are your favorite parts that you remember?
Chase," I liked how I would wake up in the middle of the night, you'd put your arm around me, and you wouldn't Even wake up. I liked watParkng you stand up to your dad at Christmas when he yelled at your mom. How you didn't Even know you were strong. But you were. What do you miss?"
Cameron," I miss a lot. But when I think about missing you, I think about that dance class that we took for the wedding. It's weird. I think, he's nEver gonna hold me like that again."
Cameron," [laughs] Oh, God."
Chase, I'm gonna miss this too.
Foreman, Published in The New England Journal at 26?
Taub, [comes around the corner] Finished all the lab work a year earlier. [He lunges for the file and Foreman runs off with it.]
Foreman, Led a group of surgeons to fix cleft palates in Bangladesh?
Taub, What can I say? That concert was very moving to me. I have to take a knee. [He leans over and tries to catch his breath.]
Foreman, I don't get it. This has got to be the most spectacular file down here. Why are you pretending to be ashamed?
Taub," I would trade mine for yours in a second. When I was in med school, I thought I'd be House some day. Instead, I am a fellow working with ""� working for people years younger than me."
Foreman, So! We both have a few regrets.
Taub, You should be proud of yours. Your life's been trending up.
Cuddy, No news. How you holding up? [Sarah shrugs.] You let them sedate you?
Sarah, Yeah. Do you have kids?
Cuddy, [sits on the edge of Sarah's bed] A little girl. I adopted her last year.
Sarah, I adopted Walker right after Donald and I got married. What if I can nEver love Walker the way I love my daughter? Does that make me a horrible person? [She wipes her eyes on her bedclothes.]
Cuddy, Let me get you some tissues. [She goes into the bathroom and picks up the tissues. Then she looks around.] Did you request some extra towels?
Sarah, No. What � why?
Cuddy, There are eight towels in Sarah's room.
Maldonado, Okay.
Cuddy, There should only be four.
Smits, Housekeeping handles towels.
Cuddy," I need you to track down their logs, figure out who was up there and when."
Smits, Because they got extra towels?
Cuddy," Just find the logs. Now. [She picks up the phone as Smits walks past Maldonado who is just standing there. Maldonado looks spacey.] Adrienne, you okay?"
Maldonado, Sure.
Smits, [looks at Maldonado] What's wrong?
Cuddy," [hangs up and comes over] Adrienne, give me your arm. [She picks up both of Moldonado arms � she looks like a zombie. Cuddy inspects them.] The hair on her left arm is standing up. Asymmetric neurological function. She's having a pilomotor seizure."
Smits, She seemed fine a minute ago.
Cuddy," She was. [She leads Maldonado to a chair, sits her down and checks her eyes.] She's pRobably been having complex seizures all day. She would be basically functional, but more or less acting on autopilot. She pRobably dropped the towels off twice. She could have taken the baby."
Cameron, We nEver really did have a proper good-bye.
House, It's 9:00.
s Voice," [faintly] It's Gracie. I can't come to the phone, so please leave a message."
Nash, I guess she's running late.
House, You don't seem that surprised. [Nash looks away from him.] That's what you expected to get. You waited until you knew she'd be out.
Nash," Her aunt said that she starts work late. Every now and then, I just call to hear her voice on the maParkne. I was nEver there when she needed me, so... What right do I have to need her now?"
House," None. Just means you're a hypocrite. 'Cause apparently you do. [He picks up the phone, hits ""redial""� and hands Nash the phone.] Forget about rights. Just tell her what you need to tell her."
s Voice," It's Gracie. I can't come to the phone, so please leave a message."
Nash, [after a pause] Gracie... This is... your father. I love you.
Smits, Anything? We've covered Every room on Maldonado's logs. Been Everywhere she's been.
Cuddy, [checks the laundry cart] Where's the other cart? Isn't there usually another cart in here?
Cuddy, Hey. Okay. [picks up the baby] Okay. [She looks at Smits and smiles.] Hi. Oh.
s Voice, Anyone in there? Lockdown's over.
Cameron, I should go.
Chase, Yeah.
Wilson, I just asked Sam to dinner.
Thirteen, Little baby's all growed up.
Wilson, You gonna tell your dad?
Thirteen," I'll stop by his hotel, talk to him."
Wilson, Hotel? You said he was staying at your apartment. Was there any truth in anything you said?
Thirteen, The part about it being a good idea for you to call Sam. That was true.
Wilson," Good night, Remy."
Thirteen," Good night, James."
Loud Speaker," Code sEven has been lifted. Repeat, code sEven has been lifted."
Taub, You want your file?
Foreman, Nah.
Taub, [drops file on a table] Good for you.
Loud Speaker, All hospital personnel may leave their staging areas and report back to their departments. Thank you for your cooperation.
Taub, We don't have to tell anybody what we �
Foreman, [shakes his head] mm-mm. You got the Patient file?
Taub, I'll grab it.
Foreman, Thanks. See you tomorrow.
Nash, I think I'm ready to take you up on your offer.
Guard, [enters] Dr. House? Lockdown ended a few minutes ago.
House, Yeah. I know. [to Nash] I'm sorry I didn't take your case.
Nash, Me too. [long pause] Gracie... was the cutest six-year-old you Ever saw.
Taub," Interesting night, huh? [He holds the door open for her. She opens her shirt, flashes him and leaves without saying a word or breaking her stride.] Interesting night."
Miles," My lords, and ladies. Today your queen will choose her champion. Here, he will battle for not only her honor, but for a title of his own."
Miles," But only if he can defeat the Captain of my guard, Sir Horace the Black!"
Shannon, Sir William... Wouldst thou fight for my honor?
William," (looking up at her and smiling) To the death, your majesty."
Shannon," Let's hope it does not come to that, eh? (She looks over her shoulder at the king) I choose Sir William as my champion."
Shannon, (whispering) Attack from his left side. I saw his squire bandaging that shoulder this morning. (stepping back and speaking so that all can hear) I wish thee luck and strength.
William, I fear I shall need all I can get.
Miles," (loudly, to the crowd) The Captain of my guard, Sir Horace the Black!"
Miles," Are you sure you wouldn't like to reconsider your choice, my queen?"
Shannon," I beliEve I chose rightly, my king."
Sir Horace, (jerking forward) Huh!
Miles," Brave knights, in the honored tradition of our lands, have at ye!"
Miles," I fear you chose most poorly, my love."
Chanting Crowd, William! William! William! William!
Chanting Crowd, William! William! William! William!
Shannon, William? What is it?
Shannon, Your eyes.
Shannon, William?
Miles, (pulling out a cell phone and dialing 911) We need an ambulance at the Camden Fairgrounds.
House, You're new.
Sam, You're naked.
House," (looking down at himself) And, for the record, a little bit cold."
Sam," (sounding uncomfortable and trying not to look at House, who seems completely unfazed by his nakedness) I'm sorry, I didn't know that anyone was home. James had an early call, and I was just leaving."
House, (holding up a cereal box) Without breakfast?
Sam," (turning to face him) I'm fine, thanks. I'm Sam, by the way."
House, (holding out his hand) House. Nice to meet you.
Sam, (taking an apron off a chair and handing it to House) It'd be nicer if you'd put this on.
House, (setting the box on the counter and putting on the apron) So you and Wilson...
Sam, Thought you were staying in New York last night.
House," Sorry, must have missed the ""if this trailer be a-rockin'"" sign out front."
Sam," (reaParkng for her purse) I'm really late, so � if there's any chance that we can pretend this nEver happened, I'd be completely fine with that."
Foreman, (laying file on the table) An eight-year-old with bleeding ears.
Chase, (throwing a different file on the table) I'll see your bleeding ears and raise you a total muscular degeneration.
Taub, (looking up) What the hell?
Thirteen, I had a dream like this once. It didn't end well.
House," (entering the room) Huzzah, my loyal peasants!"
Foreman," House, what are you doing?"
House," (holding the sword up in front of him) Filling in for Rabbi Shmuhl at the Goldstein bris. (He starts swinging and twirling the sword) While I'm busy, you all can check out the Knight down in the E.R., who, instead of seizing the throne, just seized."
Taub, (reading the file) He works at a Renaissance Festival?
House," Doesn't work there, he lives there as part of a wonderful little troupe, who spend their weekends reenacting a nobler age, when people crapped in the streets, and Thirteen would have been a grandmother."
Thirteen," Weeks, not weekends. Says here he's been camping out for a month."
House, Try doing that with a pen.
Foreman, (reaParkng for the file) Why don't you put that down before you kill one of us?
House," Better idea, why don't you give me something I can use so I won't feel the need to?"
Foreman, Seizure right after a fight obviously suggests concussion.
Chase," Obviously it isn't, or the E.R. wouldn't have called House."
Taub," A full set of armor would protect against visible trauma, but not transmitted concussive force. Could be a subdural hematoma."
House, You're forgetting to demonize.
Taub," An evil, satanic subdural hematoma."
House, No. Two demon eyes. Hemorrhaging in the sclerae.
Thirteen, Could be an allergic reaction to something from the Renaissance Fair.
House," Which is why we need to check out Middle-earth. Foreman, take Frodo and break bread with the Hobbits."
Taub, (standing) I still think a hematoma is more likely.
House, (to Taub) That's why you and Chase are gonna get an MRI.
Taub, But you just�
House," I said Frodo, not Gollum."
Thirteen, Is he saying I have short legs or hairy feet?
Chase, I don't Even know who Frodo is.
House," Who's the Parkck, and why are you hiding her?"
Wilson, You were home last night?
House," (putting down the sword and closing the door) And this morning. I bumped into your babe, naked."
Wilson, I told you to stay out of my bathroom.
House, I was in the kitchen.
Wilson, She was naked in the kitchen?
House, I was naked.
Wilson, Why the hell were you naked in the kitchen?
House," Uh, it's not important right now. What is, is why you didn't want me to meet her in the first place. Is she married?"
Wilson, No.
House, A Patient?
Wilson, I don't have time for this.
House, She used to be a Man.
Wilson, (picking up his labcoat) House!
House," She wants to be a Man. Sam � it's a Man's name, short for..."
House, SaMantha. The soulless harpy you were married to before we met.
Wilson," (sighing) People change, House."
House," (lowering the sword) Sure. They get older, ovaries start drying up, and nice guys like you look attractive again."
Wilson," Listen, I know that, in your own demented way, you think you're looking out for me. But I have this."
House," By this, you mean a sinking feeling in the pit of the stomach. Fine. I get it. It's your life. (He opens the door for Wilson) You go screw it up. I can wait."
Wilson, For what?
House," To tell you, ""I told you so."""
Chase, No signs of hematoma. Brain looks completely normal.
Taub," Normal, except for the fact that he likes to play dress-up."
Chase, My Uncle used to pretend he was King Leopold.
William, (from inside the MRI maParkne) I'm not pretending.
Chase," (unaware that the mic was on) Um, sorry about that. You don't really think you're a Knight, do you?"
William," (from inside the MRI maParkne) Being a Knight isn't a game. It's a lifestyle, and we do it Every day, not just when we play dress-up. We live by a code and uphold ideals, like loyalty, courage, humility."
Taub, And the part where you beat the crap out of each other in armor?
William, (smiling) That we do for fun. At least it was up until yesterday. Are � are we almost done? 'Cause I'm feeling�
Chase, Let's get him out of there before he aspirates.
Foreman, (into the phone) Anything abnormal on the MRI?
Man at Faire," God's teeth, what strange Manner of garments be these?"
Foreman," (into the phone) Okay, we'll be back soon. (He puts the phone away)"
Man at Faire," He consorts with tiny demons in his hand. 'Tis witchcraft, I say!"
Foreman, (to the Man) Do I look like I'm here to play pretend with you?
Thirteen," (She is eating a turkey leg) Relax, it's not personal. Just tell them you're a time traveler or something. Well, if we're gonna be here, we might as well enjoy it."
Foreman, Our Knight just vomited inside the MRI. Taub thinks it might be food poisoning...
Foreman," Which shouldn't be surprising � outdoor latrines, food prep going on next to livestock."
Miles," I hear you wish to speak with me, concerning Sir William. How faireth he?"
Foreman," Not well, or we wouldn't be here."
Miles, A pox indeed is�
Shannon, (repriManding him) Miles. We just thought it was a concussion.
Miles," (abandoning his role as king) He's gonna be okay, right?"
Thirteen, We need to look at the area he was camping out in.
Foreman, And you might want to invest into a dental plan for the kingdom.
Miles, You sure he got sick from something here?
Foreman," We're not sure of anything yet, but..."
Foreman, (to Thirteen) What do you make of this?
Thirteen, (leaning over his shoulder) Hmm... looks like vomit. Means he was showing symptoms prior to the fight.
Foreman," (picking a round, red object out of the straw and holding it up in front of Miles and Shannon) True, but I meant this."
Miles," Oh, it's a cow eye. From the night before the tournament."
Shannon, He makes the Knights eat all kinds of disgusting stuff.
Thirteen, Why?
Shannon, He got the idea from Fear Factor.
Foreman, Why didn't he mention it when he checked into the hospital?
Miles, I make them all take an oath of secrecy about the ritual. William tends to take his role as a Knight very seriously.
Shannon, Do you think that's what caused him to pass out?
Taub, That's not exactly sanitary.
House, Fun stuff nEver is.
Thirteen, Serious bacterial food poisoning explains seizure and vomiting.
Chase, A lumbar puncture could confirm.
House," Except it's not food poisoning. If it was, the E.R. would look like Camelot right now."
Foreman, All it takes is one bad eyeball.
Thirteen," Or testicle, cow brain, or my personal favorite, pig rectum, with a side order of sphincter."
Taub, I think they call that breakfast in Australia.
House," No one else was sick, because they weren't allergic like he was."
Foreman, To what?
House, That's what I sent you to Middle-earth to find out. (House tosses the cow eye to Foreman) Run scratch tests for the samples you brought back.
Chase," That's gonna take time, and he's getting worse."
House, (testily) So treat him with epinephrine too.
Foreman, This should prEvent any more symptoms until we can figure out what it is you're allergic to.
William, Thanks.
Shannon, Told you you shouldn't have eaten all that stuff.
William," (to Shannon) You know, you don't have to stay. I'm sure you and Miles are crazy busy, what with the wedding and all."
Shannon, Miles said we could postpone it until�
William," Don't worry. I'll be fine. I'll be there. I just hope you have a good photographer, 'cause I don't think the standard red-eye filter is gonna work on these."
Thirteen, I need your right arm.
William," That, uh... feels � feels strange."
Shannon, What is it? What's wrong?
Thirteen, His heart rate's become irregular.
William, My � my chest hurts. It feels like it's gonna explode.
Foreman, Tachycardia � we need to shock him back into rhythm.
Shannon," Oh, my God, William."
Thirteen, I need his gown open.
William, What is � what is that stuff?
Foreman, I don't know.
Foreman," It's definitely not an allergy, or the epi would have helped him, not made him worse."
House, (sitting on the nurse's station counter and rubbing his leg) Unless he's allergic and allergic to the cure. Sodium bisulfite � the preservative that keeps epi peppy � can cause tachycardia.
Taub," So can Wolff-Parkinson-White syndrome, and it also causes hemorrhaging in the eyes."
Chase," And abnormal electrical pathways in the heart, which could cause seizures."
Foreman, But not skin infections.
Thirteen, There is an infection that can cause skin and neurological damage and spreads rapidly without treatment.
Foreman, Methicillin-resistant staphylococcus aureus?
House, Lord have MRSA.
Thirteen, (to Foreman) You weren't wearing gloves when we shocked his heart back into rhythm.
House," I'm sure you'll be fine. (pointing to Taub and Chase) You two get a sample to the lab to confirm, (to Thirteen) you get the Knight into isolation and on I.V. antibiotics. (to Foreman) You... stay away from me. (He leaves quickly)"
House, Need to talk.
Cuddy," About the MRSA? I know, we're�"
House," (sitting in a chair in front of the desk) MRSA, shmrsa. Something important."
Cuddy," Something you think is more important than the potentially lethal bacteria spreading like wildfire through my hospital? Well, that narrows it down to something personal and stupid."
House, Wilson.
Cuddy, Theory confirmed. He is dating his first wife. I know.
House, I don't beliEve it.
Cuddy, That he didn't ask your permission first?
House," No, that he's actually capable of keeping a secret from me."
Cuddy," Well, you'd be surprised how Many things Wilson doesn't tell you."
House, (chuckling and leaning forward in the chair) Would I? Like � like how you slept with your father's best friend or...
Cuddy, I'm gonna kill him.
House, You need to break them up.
Cuddy, Forget it.
House, So you'd rather sit back and watch while the evil blonde gorges on Wilson's tender flesh and then tosses out his bones like she did the last time? You remember what he was like after that?
Cuddy," Yes, I do."
House," Well, then do something. (leaning back in the chair) God knows he's not gonna listen to me. You, on the other hand, have decades of experience dating and being attracted to losers. Obviously, I don't include myself."
Cuddy, You know what happens when you interfere in other people's relationships?
House," Of course. I do it all the time. Hmm, I see your point."
Cuddy," That is why I'm staying out of this. You force him to choose, you might not like the answer."
Shannon, He doesn't seem to be in as much pain anymore.
Thirteen," That's good, but we won't be out of the woods for sure until the blisters start to recede."
William," (to Shannon) Hey, I'm really thirsty. You mind getting me a soda?"
Shannon," Sure, I'll be right back. (She leaves the room)"
Thirteen, What's wrong?
William," The pain in my chest, it's getting worse."
Thirteen, Just now?
William," No, I didn't want to worry her."
Thirteen, So how long have you been in love with her?
William," What? No, we're just friends. Seriously."
William, Since the first time I saw her.
Thirteen, Why don't you tell her?
William, She's engaged to my friend.
Thirteen, The King? Haven't seen him visiting or sitting by your bedside.
William, He has responsibilities.
Thirteen, Yeah. I'm guessing the Queen does too.
William, What kind of Knight steals his friend's bride? I hate that I Even think about it.
Thirteen, You're not a Knight. You're just a guy.
William, But I want to be more than that.
Thirteen, Your chest?
William," No, my � my back. Feels like there's a knife in it."
William, Is the infection spreading?
Chase, (looking at the monitor) It's not MRSA. It looks like some sort of clostridial organism.
Taub," Question is, which type of clostridium?"
Chase, There's hundreds. C. Perfringens?
Taub," Wouldn't account for his other symptoms. C. Tetani, on the other hand..."
Chase," Tetanus, he � he would have been inoculated against it."
Taub, So he cut himself and didn't get a booster shot. The guy fights people with swords for fun. No one said he's smart.
Chase, They don't just fight for fun. They fight to prove their bravery.
Taub, You're buying this honor stuff? Fighting's not brave. It's just stupid.
Chase, You would say that.
Taub, You think I've nEver been in a fight?
Chase," No, I just think you've nEver won one."
Taub, I took on three guys in college once.
House, (coming into the lab) Hope they bought you dinner first.
Chase, It's not MRSA.
House," I know, it's poison Ivy."
Chase, Poison Ivy?
Taub," A sEvere reaction could cause the blisters and maybe irritate his eyes enough to cause the hemorrhaging, but the chest pain and seizures..."
House, They have bonfires Every night. The burning leaves aerosolizes the oil. We've seen what it's done to the outside of his body. Imagine what it's doing to his lungs and his sinuses.
Chase," Okay, maybe it remotely fits, but I'd rather go with scientific evidence than with your gut."
House," How about this? Apparently, it's all over his sword."
Thirteen, It's his heart rate again.
Taub, How fast is it?
Thirteen," It's slowing, why aren't you-"
Taub, It's not MRSA.
Chase, I'm giving him 12 ccs epinephrine.
Taub, He tested positive. You'll blow his heart out!
Chase," (pushing the epinephrine into the IV tube) If it slows any more, it's gonna stop."
Taub, I told you.
Chase, And I told you. (He sighs)
Taub, That wasn't caused by poison Ivy.
Foreman," Or epinephrine. That means the heart pRoblem we ruled out, we now have to rule back in."
Chase, We found clostridium bacteria in the skin samples.
Thirteen, Clostridium's in dirt and basically harmless.
Chase," But opportunistic, if his immune system is depressed."
Taub, Leukemia?
Foreman, He would have had symptoms way before the Renaissance Festival.
House," Which is true of anything that would compromise his immune system, which means it has to be some other environmental toxin. Yesterday he was a healthy Knight, today he's Sleeping Beauty. Nothing else fits."
Chase, TriParknosis from eating infected meat?
Thirteen, We already ruled out food poisoning. Both the butcher shop and the food stands at the fair were totally clean.
House, Then he ate the poison apple somewhere else. Or maybe you just missed it. Start treatment for triParknosis and confirm with a muscle biopsy. (He leaves)
Wilson, Hey. I can't beliEve I'm about to say this. Sam!
House, Told you so.
Wilson," No, she didn't dump me. She wants to get to know you better."
House, Damn it. I nEver should have let her see me naked.
Wilson," It goes against all my instincts, but I said all right."
House, Why?
Wilson, She thinks I was hiding her from you.
House, You were.
Wilson, I don't want her to know.
House, So you're asking me to condone a relationship based on lies and mistrust.
Wilson, Yeah.
House, When and where?
Wilson," Tonight, Venezia, 8:00."
House, What am I gonna wear? All my cereal boxes are at the cleaners.
Wilson," House, listen. I know you're worried about me, and I also know that that kind of unselfishness doesn't come naturally to you. But I don't want your help. I don't need your help. Just come to dinner and be your usual selfish self."
House, How could I say no? (He smiles and heads for the exit)
Shannon, Miles said he'd stop by later.
William," No, tell him not to. I don't want to be seen like this."
Shannon," You're sick, that's nothing to be ashamed of... Un-unless you're saying you want me to leave."
William," (grabbing her hand) No, don't."
Thirteen," I think he's saying it's different with you, Shannon. It's a guy thing � they don't like showing weakness in front of each other. Right William?"
William, Right. Maybe when I'm feeling a little better.
Thirteen, (pulling over a tray of instruments) I'm gonna take a small sample of your muscle tissue here. (to Shannon) Do you mind waiting outside for this?
Shannon, Don't hurt him.
Thirteen, He's safe with me.
William, I thought you were gonna tell her.
Thirteen," It's not my call, but if you ask me, she's waiting for you to."
William, Knights are supposed to be selfless.
Thirteen," Right, they conquered countries and built Castles by being selfless. Bravery and loyalty are great qualities, for soldiers. If you want to be King, sometimes you have to be willing to take what's yours."
William, Ah! (He grunts as Thirteen inserts a needle) She's not mine.
Thirteen, She's not his either... Not yet.
Sam, It's just dinner. Relax.
Wilson," Trust me, there is no ""just"" when House is involved."
Sam," We're in the middle of a restaurant. What could he possibly...(She pauses, looking across the room) Do?"
Wilson, (Following her gaze) That.
House," Sorry we're late. But you know girls. Always fiddling with the hair and the makeup. James, Sam.... this is Sarah."
Sarah, It's nice to meet you. Horace has told me all�
House, (correcting her) House.
Sarah, House... has told me all about you.
Sam, It's nice to meet you.
Foreman, What's the diagnosis?
Thirteen," His muscle biopsy is clean. It's not triParknosis. House was wrong, this is not environmental."
Foreman, Or we screwed up and missed something at the Renaissance Faire.
Thirteen, You think we did?
Foreman," No, but I think House will think we did."
Thirteen, What could we have missed?
Foreman, Fungal infection.
Thirteen, There's nothing in his blood work Even remotely suggesting that.
Foreman, It fits his symptoms.
Thirteen, You wanna re-test Every sample we took for spores? We'll be here all night.
Foreman, Have you noticed how much pain he's been in lately?
Thirteen, And that's relevant how?
Foreman," Extra pain means extra cranky, it means off his game. He's not gonna accept this isn't environmental unless we give him no choice."
Sam, I cannot beliEve you're from Bloomington.
Sarah," I know, isn't it amazing?"
House," (sarcastically) Yeah, delightful."
Wilson, Ignore him. He's just upset that we're having fun.
Sarah," Do you remember that little bakery, the one with the amazing cupcakes?"
Sam, Gino's.
Sarah," Oh, yes!"
Sam," First stop, Every time I go home."
Sarah," Oh, me too...Mmm!"
Sam, Remember that strip club?
Sarah," Girl, I used to work at that strip club."
Thirteen," Where does it hurt, William?"
William," My legs, it feels like they're on fire!"
Thirteen, Rhabdomyolysis means his kidneys are failing.
Foreman, Also means it's not environmental. We need to move on.
Taub," I recommend we start with a full cancer workup, starting with the�"
House, Which one of you checked out the apartment?
Foreman, House...
House, His symptoms fit an environmental�
Foreman," The test results don't, we redid�"
House, Search the apartment.
Thirteen, He hasn't been there in three weeks�
House," (interrupting, and shouting at them as he walks away) Go! Now!"
Chase, I liked him better when he was on Vicodin.
Foreman," (to Chase) You and Thirteen check out his place. While you're wasting your time, we'll ultrasound the liver. If it's cancer, it's as good a place as any to start."
Wilson, Hey.
Cuddy, Hey.
Cuddy, I hear House met Sam.
Wilson," First time, he was naked. The second time he brought a transvestite prostitute to dinner. Overall, it could have been worse."
Cuddy, Great.
Wilson, That's your reaction?
Cuddy, (taking an apple from a bowl) What?
Wilson," Nudity, prostitute..."
Cuddy," Sorry, preoccupied."
Wilson," House said something to you, didn't he?"
Cuddy, (paying for her lunch and walking away) Nope. He didn't.
Wilson," It is a little crazy, though. I mean... isn't it? I mean... things seem to be going great. But they seemed to be going great 12 years ago. The good things are still good. She's still smart, funny, gets me. And she's less competitive. Either she's changed, or I've changed. But, either way... Am I out of my mind?"
Cuddy, You nEver know what can happen. You might as well give it a chance.
Wilson, (nodding) Yeah.
Taub," Looks like you were right. Tumors... dozens of them. Inside, and on the surface."
Foreman, Pull in closer.
Foreman, See that?
Taub, What is that?
Foreman, I don't know. But it's definitely not cancer.
Thirteen, Kitchen's clean.
Chase, (coming in from another room) Bedroom as well. Most dangerous thing in his medicine cabinet was dental floss.
Thirteen," It's locked, key wasn't on his ring."
Chase, Do you honestly want to go back and tell House we didn't check Every square inch of this place?
Thirteen, Of course not.
Thirteen, Ahem...
Thirteen, My hero.
Chase, What the hell is this?
Thirteen," Either a secret entrance to Hogwarts, or... our Knight... is a witch."
Chase, Our Knight is into some seriously creepy stuff.
Thirteen, He claims it's just sugar water but we sent the rest down to the lab for testing.
Taub, Do you think he poisoned himself?
Foreman," It's not poison, we would have picked it up in his blood work."
Taub, Not if it collected slowly in his liver and it all started leaking into his system at once.
Taub," These tumors that aren't tumors, what if they're focal hepatic lesions filled with blood? Every time one explodes it'd be releasing another dose."
Thirteen, Of what?
House, (holding up the toy soldier) Plumbum nigrum.
Chase, You putting a hex on someone?
Foreman," It's Latin, for black lead."
House, Our Knight/Warlock apparently also dabbles in alchemy.
Chase, Lead poisoning.
Taub," Seizures, paralysis, weak immune system, and Eventually, coma."
House," Biopsy the cysts, and you'll find your lead."
Sam, You think we'll make the 7:30?
Wilson," (putting his coat, mail and briefcase on the entry table) I'm sorry, if I don't change, I'm gonna feel like I'm at work all night."
Sam," Yeah, I remember."
Wilson, Is it a pRoblem?
Sam," Not at all. (putting her arms around his neck) In fact, if we hurry�"
Wilson, We will definitely not make the 7:30.
Sam," Well, there's always the 9:40."
Wilson, (as they kiss again) Hmm.
Sam, Or not.
Wilson, Shouldn't you be at the hospital?
House," Wouldn't need a team if I did all the work, now, would I? Plus, I had to make you dinner."
Wilson, We have plans.
House, I bet your plans don't taste like this.
Wilson," (stopping Sam from taking one) Don't! House, whatEver it is that you're up to"
House, I'm trying to be nice. What I did the other night was juvenile. I'm sorry.
Sam, The souffle was amazing.
House," (He pours more wine for each of them) It's my mom's recipe. Everything else, I got off the Web."
Wilson, Here's to the Internet.
House," Where I found the lamb ragout, and you two found each other... Again."
Wilson," Well, it wasn't just the Internet."
Sam," Yeah, more like, divorce, depression, therapy, more therapy, and the Internet."
House, And here we are.
Wilson, Exactly. And here we are.
Sam, Hmm.
Wilson," Well, I need to go to the bathroom."
House," I think you're old enough, now. But if you would like me to come along with you..."
Wilson," I mean, is it safe to leave the two of you?"
Sam," Come on, James. Enough, already."
House," Yeah, James, I cook in peace."
Wilson, Okay. I'll be right back.
House," You're a cold-hearted bitch, who ripped his heart out. I watched him struggle for years to overcome the damage you did. And there's no way I'm going to just let you reel him back in so you can do it all over again."
Sam, And all this?
House, Phase two of getting to know my enemy.
Sam," You're wrong about me. But I'm glad now I don't have to pretend to like you, except for when James is standing next to me."
House," Same here. Only difference is, I'll outlast you."
House, End scene.
Wilson," (coming back into the room) Well, it's too late for the movie. Wanna see what's on tv?"
House, Absolutely.
Sam, Love to.
Foreman, There wasn't any lead present in his blood work or liver biopsy.
Taub, And his heart rate and BP are getting Even more erratic.
Chase, We had to shock it back into rhythm twice during the night.
House, There's only one thing left to do.
Thirteen, We're wasting our time.
House," Actually, I've already gotten good value."
Thirteen," I told you, there's nothing here that could have caused any of his symptoms."
House," No, you told me that you couldn't find anything here that could be causing the symptoms."
Thirteen," And now we're gonna find something new because we're in costume? We looked Everywhere, tested Everything. Just because Wilson's acting stupid doesn't mean we are."
House, Do you think he's making a mistake?
Thirteen," Of course. But he'll figure it out, sooner or later. Hopefully, after a few weeks of great sex. Nothing ventured, nothing gained."
House, Wilson's not like us. He cares too much about people and their feelings.
Thirteen, Thanks for the compliment.
House," The code that our Knight claims to live by, all that crap about honor and Parkvalry. Wilson's naturally like that, which is why he's�"
Thirteen, A great guy.
House, A sucker and a target. So we gotta look out for him. Do you smell that?
Thirteen," Yeah, it's the apothecary shop. And yes, Foreman and I already... (she is talking to herself as House has already headed toward the apothecary shop)"
Shop Clerk," I cry your pardon, Sir."
House, (picking a bottle off a shelf) You know what this is?
Shop Clerk," Well, that's lavender."
House, Try rose hips. (He puts it back)
Thirteen," Both harmless, who cares?"
House, It could be cyanide as far as he knows. (He picks up another bottle) How about this?
Shop Clerk, It be nothing but St. John's Wort.
House, Wrong again. Black cohash.
Shop Clerk, My Uncle owns the shop. I just started apprenticing. What the big deal?
Shop Clerk, Hey! I just organized all that.
House, (holding up a tuberous plant) You know what this is?
Shop Clerk, A wild carrot?
House," It's hemlock, you embossed carbuncle."
Shop Clerk, That's hemlock? You sure?
House, Did you sell it to anyone?
Thirteen, It's poison; think hard.
Shop Clerk, It was just one branch.
House, You sold it to Sir William?
Shop Clerk, No. To the King.
House, (He looks at Thirteen) It's the only part of the environment you didn't check. The people living in it.
Miles, What's going on? Why can't we see William?
House, Because you poisoned him. Your royal anus. (He holds up the hemlock) With this.
Miles, Wild carrots?
House, Hemlock. I need to know how much you used and how you prepared it.
Shannon, You did something to William?
Miles," No, of course not!"
Thirteen," He's still alive. You want to avoid a murder charge, start talking fast."
House, The apothecary's willing to testify that you're the only one he gave it to.
Miles," Okay, yeah, maybe I bought it for the food challenge, but I didn't know that was hemlock."
House," If it was for the challenge, then why is wee Willie the only Knight who's dying?"
Miles," I don't know! I'm telling you, I didn't know. Why would I want to hurt William?"
Thirteen, I can think of at least one reason.
Shannon," Miles, please. WhatEver happened, just tell them the truth."
Miles, I am! I swear.
Foreman, We ran a gas chromatography on his blood. Found trace amounts of piperidine alkaloids.
Chase, The main markers of hemlock intoxication.
House," Well, the good news is we now know what's wrong with you. The bad news is that your King's precious ideals were just pretend after all. At least, when it comes to guys who get too close to his Queen."
William, It's not true.
House," I guess you've nEver heard the expression, ""gas chromatography maParknes don't lie."""
William, Neither does Miles. He's the best Knight I've Ever known. It's why he was chosen King.
House, Miles is a jealous idiot. And you're just an idiot.
Taub," Uh, something's wrong. We performed a gastric lavage and administered activated charcoal, but he's getting worse, not better."
House," Well, it's been in his system two days. We're lucky he's lasted this long."
Taub," If it was hemlock, he'd either be dead already or getting better with treatment."
Foreman," It's hemlock, we found it in his blood."
Taub," He may have had some hemlock, but it's not what's killing him."
Lucas," Don't do it! (Lucas comes into the office) WhatEver you're planning, especially if you're gonna use that thing. Geez."
House, It was just sitting in a stone.
Lucas," (tossing an envelope onto House's lap) Here. It's gonna cost extra, because of the lEvel of detail that you wanted."
House," Anything good? And by good, I, of course, mean bad."
Lucas," (sitting down on House's desk) Nope, pretty much your typical life. Married young, got divorced. Married a little less young, got divorced. She's been pretty successful in Everything she's done, except marriage."
House," (getting up from the chair) Well, there's gotta be something I can use."
Lucas, Maybe. Didn't read her shrink's notes. Didn't seem right.
House, But stealing them did.
Lucas," Whoa, I didn't steal them. I found a way to obtain them."
Sam," Excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt, but you got a minute?"
Lucas," Sure. (House looks back at Lucas) Oh, him? Yeah, I was just leaving."
House, Careful. I have a sword.
Sam," (pushing the sword toward the floor) I don't agree with what you said. But I understand why you said it. We were married young, we both made mistakes, and yes, I did make most of them. But that was almost a decade ago."
House," I'm sorry, is that the statutory period for soul sucking?"
Sam," I'm not asking you to like me, House. To be honest, I think you're an ass. But we do have one thing in common. We care about James."
House, So prove it. And dump him... again.
Sam," You're pretty much insufferable all the time, aren't you?"
House," Sorry, go on. And, yes."
Sam, We just reconnected; we have no idea where we're headed. But is it really too much to ask that you give us a chance to find out?
Sam, I'm sure I'll be seeing you around.
House," We did it. Well, I did it."
Chase, What exactly did we do? You do?
House," These aren't focal hepatic lesions on his liver, they're peliosis hepatis lesions. Which in combination with an erratic heart rate, usually indiCates�"
Foreman, Endocarditis. Infection on his heart valve.
House, Two major symptoms of anabolic steroid abuse.
Thirteen," No, he wouldn't."
Taub, And the rhabdo makes the third.
House, Our Patient's a juicer. Ancient poison accelerated the damage of the modern poison. Start treatment; let the King out of the tower.
Thirteen, How are you feeling?
William, Ashamed.
Thirteen," You should be. You'll compromise your ideals to win a fight, but not to go for the Woman you love."
William, That was a game. Not real life. I didn't�
Thirteen, Hurt anyone? Try telling that to Shannon. Or maybe I missed something while she was crying by your bed. You don't need to win anyone's heart. You just need to ask for it.
William," Miles, is a great guy. He's rich, smart, treats her well. She's gonna have a great life with him. But me? Well, I'd do Everything I could for her, but Even at my best, it wouldn't be much. And she deserves the best. I guess I'd rather she be happy Even if it means I'm not."
Thirteen," I guess House was right about that, too."
William, What?
Thirteen, You really are an idiot.
Julia, Who is it?
Tom, It's Tom.
Damien," Tom, your husband? What's he doing here?"
Julia," Uh, what's going on?"
Tom," I'm sorry. I know I'm not supposed to be here, but Evelyn's school contract's due tomorrow."
Julia," I knew I was forgetting something. Let me, uh, find a pen."
Tom, Hey.
Damien, Hey.
Tom," Not quite sure what Emily Post recommends in this situation, but I'm Tom. (He extends his hand. Damien, who's putting his shirt back on, shakes it.)"
Damien, Damien.
Tom, Sorry to intrude. (Julia signs the paper) I just�I wasn't quite sure when she'd be coming home.
Damien, No pRoblem.
Julia, Thank you so much for catParkng this. (She handles the paper back).
Tom," Yeah. Well, I'll get out of your way, it was good to meet you, and I'll see you later, hon. (He kisses her)."
Julia, Bye. (She turns to look at Damien with an embarrassed smile.)
Damien, So! seems like a nice guy.
Julia, (Her smile changes to a grimace of pain) Ooh.
Damien," Jules, you okay?"
Julia," No, my stomach."
Damien, Here. Lie down. (He brings her to the bed.)
Julia, Ow!
Damien, Try to�
Julia, Get Tom. Ow!
Damien, (He goes to the door and yells down the hallway.) Tom!
Wilson, You know what would be perfect?
Sam, Hmm?
Wilson, French toast tower.
Sam, You still go to Mickey's? What's your cholesterol?
Wilson, It's my one vice. I'm keeping it.
Sam," As much as I would love to clog my arteries, I have a 10 o'clock CT and I still have to race home, get changed."
House, He's just trying to get into your skirts. And I don't mean metaphorically.
Sam," Well, he's got the legs for it. (She puts the milk back in the fridge. House goes to the coffee maker.) So I will see you tonight?"
Wilson, Yeah.
Sam," Bye, House."
House, Have a nice day.
House, I said I'd stay out of it. (He gives Wilson a look).
Wilson, What?
House, Nothing.
Wilson," Clearly, SOMETHING. (We can hear the capitals.)"
House, Nope.
Wilson," House, on a list of your attributes, there's nothing that Even rhymes with ""coy."""
House," Okay, I may have seen something in the fridge. Like the end of your relationship. (Nodding to the fridge) She put the milk in the door and not on the shelf."
Wilson, It's not a big deal.
House," You hate that she did that, but you didn't say anything. (Wilson laughs)"
Wilson, You're trying to get us to fight.
House," No, I'm trying to help. If you got an issue, let her know."
Wilson, I should have known that you weren't done sabotaging this.
House," Fine. Stew in your irritation. And sure, last time it bubbled over into resentment and rage, leading ultimately to a painful divorce that neither of you Ever really recovered from, but I'm sure this time it'll be great."
Thirteen, Interesting case. 35-year-old Woman with fEver and abdominal pain. E.R. ruled out all the usual suspects.
Thirteen, And she's in an open marriage.
Taub, Animals also eat their young and kill their rivals. That make it weird that most of us don't?
House, Says the guy whose opposable thumbs have been all over how Many women who aren't his wife?
Chase, Our Patient's unhappy because she's suffering from an intestinal blockage.
House, Boring. Then we have to find a reason to rule it out.
Chase, What about herpes colitis? She picks up the infection from one of her partners. It takes root in her colon.
Thirteen, STD panel was clean.
Taub," Chances are, this couple was unhappy in the first place. This is their attempt to save something that nEver� (He stops, as they are all staring at him). Go on."
Foreman, Herpes might not register if she was exposed in the last six weeks.
House, But it would show up on a barium enema. (He drops the file on the table and grabs his cane)
Chase, Wait. You're gonna do it?
House, Barium coats the inner lining of your colon. Lets us get a good look at it on the X-ray.
Tom, I can get somebody else to pick up Evelyn. I feel like I'm abandoning you.
Julia," I'm on painkillers. I'd rather this not be what you think of Every time you look at my butt. (She takes his hand, he smiles, they kiss, he goes. House shakes the enema bag like maracas, Julia smiles lightly)."
House," Okay, roll onto your side. It's fill 'er up time. So is Evelyn his new squeeze?"
Julia, She's our daughter.
House, Must be interesting growing up in a production of Oh! Calcutta!
Julia, She's six. She knows as much about our sex life as any other kid her age.
House, You can explain that she's the reason the two of you stayed married.
Julia," You've been in the room five minutes. You got us all figured out. Of course, you left out the part where we love each other and we want to grow old together."
House, But you just don't want to be young together.
House, Tank's full. I'll page the radiology elves.
Maya, I'm not saying I hate it. Just doesn't go with your eyes.
Taub, You hate it.
Maya, Little bit.
Taub, Any more heartless critiques of my general appearance?
Maya, Nope. All done. (She leaves Taub with a great smile on his face.)
Taub, Maya and I are just friends.
Thirteen," No, you and I are friends and you don't have coffee with me three times a week. (They start walking together.)"
Taub, She's an interesting person. She grew up in Ohio. She has three brothers.
Thirteen," Fascinating. Last week, that Cambodian lab tech was telling us how he survived the Killing Fields and you left to go get a donut."
Taub, So we flirt. It's fun.
Thirteen, It's dangerous. That Woman would totally do you.
Thirteen," All I'm saying is if you want to be on a diet, you might want to stop hanging out by the dessert cart."
Taub," It stopped hurting during the X-ray, which means it was just an intestinal blockage that passed. We should discharge her."
House, Absolutely. There's no need to find any underlying cause 'cause these things nEver happen twice. Take her digestive system for a test drive. Give her a radio-opaque milkshake. X-ray Every 15 minutes to see if it makes any unscheduled stops on the way through.
Thirteen, We'll be here all night.
House," No, Taub will be here all night. Talk to the unicorn and then tell me you don't beliEve. (He puts his glasses on and grabs something to read)."
Sam," I did an abdominal CT on a kid today and found a six-inch bezoar made entirely of gum. I mean, who gives a three-year-old an endless supply of g� You okay?"
Wilson," Yeah. [He puts the bowl on the counter, and starts replacing glasses on the top shelf in a mechanical way.]"
Sam," I mean, there was hair in it and maybe a piece of paper."
Taub, So! how long you been married?
Julia, One of the few drawbacks of having an open marriage. Nobody Ever asks me about current Events or the weather.
Taub, Yankees look good this season.
Taub," And, uh, how long have you ""� you know?"
Julia," After three years, we realized that traditional marriage was making us both miserable."
Taub, Most people get divorced at that point.
Julia," Yeah, we didn't want to get divorced. We still loved each other. We just realized that expecting one person to fulfill all of your needs forEver is unrealistic."
Taub, There are happy monogamous couples out there.
Julia, Sure. One or two have the perfect marriage. Everybody else has figured out how to settle for less. I don't want to settle and end up resenting my husband. I'd rather get the 10% he doesn't give me somewhere else so that I can really appreciate him for the 90% he does. (Taub has been very seriously considering all she said). I think something's wrong.
Taub, With your stomach?
Julia, My heart is racing.
Taub, Try to take deep breaths. I'm going to try to slow your heart down.
Julia, Is this because of the blockage?
Taub, No. It's not working. Need a crash cart in here!
Chase, I need a list of all your sexual partners from the last six months.
Tom, Why?
Chase, Your wife had an arrhythmia. The progression of symptoms from bowel to heart makes a parasitic infection most likely. Since Julia hasn't been out of the country�
Tom, The only place that I've been recently is a business trip to Nebraska.
Chase, But either of you could have picked up a bug from one of your partners.
Tom, It's kind of! compliCated.
Chase, How Many partners are we talking about? BallPark.
Chase, So why not just tell her that and close this whole thing up?
Tom, You married?
Chase," I ""� I was."
Tom, Did you Ever agree to go see a Parkck flick with your wife or pretend to enjoy classical music?
Chase, Stravinsky nEver groped my wife in a midtown hotel room.
Tom," She needs this. I don't. But I don't want her to feel bad about that. (Chase nods, but doesn't look convinced.)"
Chase, Guy's got a license to drill. Why would he lie about not using it?
House," That's not the lie. The lie is that he gives a crap about how his wife feels. If they're both screwing around, that's one thing. But if she has a piece on the side and he doesn't, the only way he'd be okay with that is if he's betraying her in some other way that, in his mind, makes them Even. My unicorn isn't a unicorn. It's a donkey with a plunger stuck to its face. (He looks sad, somehow.)"
Chase, Right. Even the guy who's not cheating is doing it for underhanded reasons.
Thirteen," No, no, no. He's not being cynical. He's assuming the husband is doing something to Even the score, which means he thinks there is a score, which means, cheating swans aside, House beliEves in monogAmy. He's being roMantic. (During this part, House quits the sad look for a warning one, then gestures his hands to Thirteen tone, like it's music)."
House, What I beliEve is that men are genetically engineered to be jealous. Doesn't matter if I think there's a score. I guarantee you he does. Any of the wife's partners pan out?
Thirteen, She's been with two people other than Tom in the last six months. Neither of them have been outside the tri-state area.
House, So we're back to the husband.
Chase, You just said you beliEved�
House, He's doing something behind her back. What better cover than a business trip to Nebraska? Like that's really a place.
Chase, Let's find his travel records and get back to work.
Thirteen, You seem pretty mellow about this couple's deal. Thought you'd be first in line to shake a finger.
Chase, They're still married. I'm not. Not that I could Ever do it. I was jealous of House and Cameron nEver touched him.
Thirteen," Not counting the emotional fondling. (Pause). When my mom was dying, my dad had an affair."
Chase, He told you this?
Thirteen," I'd seen them get out of his car. Two years after mom died, they got married."
Chase, That must have sucked.
Thirteen," At the time, yeah. But looking back! It makes sense. My mom nEver knew about it and he needed someone to make him feel less alone. He took care of my mom day in and day out for two and a half years before she died. He was devoted to her. Loving someone else didn't change that."
Chase, So loving two people at once is fine as long as one of them is dying?
Thirteen," WhoEver's taking care of me when I get sick, I hope they've got someone else to take care of them."
Chase, Tom was telling the truth. He really did go to Nebraska. Plane ticket and restaurant seats.
Thirteen, Forget Nebraska. (She comes back showing a loofah). Maybe they just bought their parasites at the mall.
Taub," You know, we should really throw away that loofah. They're imported. Sometimes they're not sterilized. We think our Patient got amoebiasis from hers."
Rachel, Is she gonna be okay?
Taub, We're treating now. She should be fine. It's actually kind of bizarre. She and her husband have an open marriage.
Rachel, They sleep with other people?
Taub," Well, she does. Her husband's totally fine with it. I mean, it's crazy, right?"
Rachel, And you're bringing this up because?
Taub, I thought it was interesting.
Rachel," More interesting than your other cases, I guess. I mean, you talk about your colleagues, you rant about House. You don't usually mention your Patients. Is open marriage something you want?"
Taub, No. I mean! I know you'd nEver!
Taub, I'm not�
Taub," Okay. There's a Woman at work. People say she's attracted to me, but nothing's happened. Nothing's going to happen. I'm not having an affair."
Rachel, But you want to.
Taub," No, Honey. I'm trying to be honest. I don't want to make the same mistakes."
Rachel, Be honest then. Are you attracted to her?
Taub, Look! she's attractive. There's an attraction. Aren't there men who make you feel that way?
Rachel," Of course there are, but it nEver occurs to me to act on it because- because I'm married! to you. And that's enough for me. Aren't I enough for you?"
Taub, Of course you are. (His pager beeps.) Our Patient's lost all movement in her legs.
Rachel," There are other doctors, Chris. We're talking."
Taub, I'm sorry. The Woman's paralyzed. I'll get a cab.
Taub," Tests show no spinal cord injury, no cerebral lesions, no hemorrhage."
Chase, Finally got a stool sample. The loofah's innocent. No sign of amoebas or any other parasites.
Foreman," So paralysis, arrhythmia, and intermittent abdominal pain."
House," And he nicked himself shaving. Sorry. That was Taub. But it was easier to solve. Means he used the crappy razor in his locker, which means he slept here."
Taub, Thanks to you. I brought up open marriage with Rachel. It was a disaster.
House," On the medical front, we've knocked out sex and foreign travel. Could be an electrolyte imbalance."
Taub, So the only time you're not interested in my marriage is after you blow it up?
Houses, You're the moron who took marital advice from Tila Tequila.
Taub, You pushed me into this.
House," Figured it would either blow up your marriage or make it more honest. Either way, you win."
Foreman, We've ruled out sex.
Chase, We ruled out sex with other people. Tom said he and Julia have been doing it three or four times a week and she's got boys on the side.
Foreman," Increased libido can be a symptom of adrenocortical carcinoma, which also explains her other symptoms."
House, Just because Everybody in this room wishes that all women were horny all the time doesn't make it so. (Chase looks amused.) Get an MRI of her adrenal glands.
Sam, Hi. Okay if I take the sports page?
Wilson, Sure.
Wilson, Would you mind using a coaster?
Sam, Oh. Sure. Sorry.
Wilson," It's okay. (He smiles apologetically, then he stops pretending and lets go). Also, it'd be great if you'd replace the toilet paper when you finish a roll. And when you load the dishwasher, you can't put a big, flat bowl on the bottom. (Sam is taken aback). It traps the water so nothing on the top gets clean. And please don't throw banana peels in the bedroom trash."
Sam, I haven't done any of those things.
Wilson, You're pRobably not Even aware of�
Sam, I hate bananas.
Sam, Why would he think that stuff would make us fight?
Wilson," Because of the milk. You put it in the door. The body of the refrigerator is the coldest part. The temperature in the door fluctuates, which decreases shelf life."
Wilson, I just want clean dishes and unspoiled milk so we can all stay healthy.
Sam," Oh, it's about health. What about the coaster? Does that replenish my B-12 or something?"
Wilson, Can we just drop it?
Sam," Sure. (They go back to reading for a very short time , then she drops the newspaper). You have this list of annoyances the entire time we were married?"
Paula," Get better, mommy."
Julia," I love you, rabbit. (She kisses her index finger, then brings it to Paula's face, sEveral times)."
Tom," Julia, you have a guest. (He nods to the door. He doesn't look pleased. Julia turns her head and we see Damien, coming in with flowers.)"
Damien, Hi.
Julia," Dr. Hadley, did you say there was a video game in the playroom?"
Thirteen, See you in radiology.
Tom, Get out of my wife's room. Your relationship with her stays out of our space.
Damien, I was worried about her.
Julia, Tom's right. You should go.
Damien," So it's fine if we have sex, but if I drop by to see if you're okay�"
Sam, How hard is it to ask me not to put them in the dryer? And I only did your laundry because you were nEver home.
Wilson, I didn't ask you to.
Sam, Of course you didn't. You just got annoyed whenEver you didn't have clean underwear.
Wilson, I nEver said I was annoyed.
Sam, That's the point. You didn't say anything.
Taub, Conversation sort of got away from me. It was a train wreck.
Thirteen," I think it's good you brought it up. I read a study that found men who have multiple copies of a certain vasopressin receptor are twice as likely to be unfaithful. Maybe you're just one of those guys. (She rolls her eyes, really comically, trying to convince him. He doesn't look pleased.)"
Taub, So my cheating is biologically predetermined? (Rolls his eyes). Fantastic.
Thirteen, Multiply times five. We need a better look at the medulla. I thought you'd be reliEved. This gets you off the hook. It's just genetics.
Taub, That's because being short and bald doesn't hurt anybody.
Taub, There's nothing there. It's not adrenal cancer. And maybe you're right about me. But I'm not gonna stop trying. Rachel's worth it.
Wilson, You served me with divorce papers in the middle of a medical conference in New Orleans (gesturing). I threw a bottle into an antique mirror.
Sam," Oh, you exhibited an emotion? I wish I'd known you were capable."
Wilson," I loved you. I thought I was gonna be following you to Baltimore, remember? (He gets in lecturing mode). I called about apartments. I set up interviews."
Wilson, Maybe because I was working two jobs to support us.
Wilson, I was killing myself so that you could take that non-paying internship�
Sam, Expressing yourself does not make you the bad guy.
Thirteen, VQ scan confirmed the spot on Julia's lung was a clot.
Thirteen," If he has a secret, I highly doubt it's more relevant than the clot."
House," Clotting disorder would explain Everything. (We hear the office door opening.) Question is, which one?"
Cuddy, Do you read any of your departmental memos?
House," Only the ones labeled, ""n-s-f-w."""
House," Sorry, that's ""n-n-s-f-w."""
House," Oh, I'm long past the number of procedures that'll bankrupt them."
Thirteen, Julia's got insurance. I saw the policy number on the form.
Cuddy, But the policy lapsed due to non-payment. I already made three calls about this. (She extends her arms) You should have been aware of that.
Julia, Why the retirement account?
Thirteen," We'll just give you a few minutes to� (She pinches House's arm and start to go. He turns, but doesn't move)."
House," By ""we,"" she means ""she."" (Thirteen sighs and stays)."
Tom, I lost all of our savings. (Julia looks startled.)
Thirteen enters," I started her on heparin to prEvent further clots, but we still don't know what's going on."
Thirteen, It's not medically relevant. You're not gonna care.
House, Wilson's been teaParkng me how to care. Try me.
Thirteen, He builds wind turbines and leases them out to local power companies.
House," You're right. I don't care. (Heavy rubber band shaking). Clotting disorder: DIC. Factor five leiden, antiphospholipid syndrome."
Thirteen, Vitamin K deficiency also fits. Causes thrombophilia and is consistent with abdominal pain.
Wilson," Congratulations, House. Sam ended it."
House, Go test our Patient's blood!
Thirteen, But it can wait five minutes.
House, ! for Everything we discussed. (Thirteen leaves. House turns to Wilson.) I'm sorry.
Wilson," Or you could have stayed out of it. I could have kept my mouth shut, been annoyed sometimes, but I'd be happy, because I'd still be with her. (House listens, still playing with his red rubber band). Now all I have is cold milk. (He starts to leave.)"
House," As long as you're free, you want to grab some dinner? (Wilson looks like he wants to strangle House, but leaves anyway.)"
Thirteen, Did Tom go home for the night?
Julia, For starters. I told him to leave. I don't want him here.
Thirteen, Money is a compliCated subject.
Julia," Yeah, it's not the money. I mean, the � the money's bad, but! (She sighs deeply and puts her head back on her pillow.) When we first opened our marriage, I got involved with a guy who lied about being single. Then one day, his wife calls me. She's crying and screaming and totally out of control. And I felt! superior. I thought I don't Ever have to worry about feeling this way because Tom and I are honest with each other. Well, here I am."
Taub, Hi. Sorry I didn't make it home last night. I needed to run some tests.
Taub, I told you nothing's going�
Taub, Are you giving me permission to sleep with other women?
Taub, I want you.
Taub, Tomorrow's Thursday.
Thirteen, All our tests came back negative. It's not a clotting disorder.
House," Which means we need to come up with a better idea. So what causes pRoblems in the stomach, heart, nerves? (Taub is waving pages of the file, looking somewhat smug. House stops, takes a deep breath, gets his trademark epiphany look)."
House," Oh, my God."
Chase, You know what it is?
Foreman, Mazel Tov?
Foreman, No sign of sParkstocytes or hemolysis. So you're actually going to sleep with another Woman then go home to your wife?
House, Thank God someone's keeping us focused on what's really important. (He sits next to Taub and watches him closely.)
Thirteen, Taub was gonna do all of that anyway. Pulmonary arterial hypertension.
House, Imaging showed normal diameter in her pulmonary artery. Here's a thought � (They all pay attention.) Taub's wife is now totally on the market. Mind hitting me with her digits?
Taub," She would love that, but duty calls."
Taub, What's the matter?
Julia, My stomach.
Chase, Same pain as before?
Julia," Yeah, but worse."
Chase, Get the portable ultrasound in here. We need to get a look at her belly.
House," Pain, pain went away, came back another day. Question is, what brought it back?"
Taub, Physical exam was unrEvealing. Ultrasound was clean.
Taub, Patient. Abdominal pain.
House," Yeah, he's right. Let's get this wrapped up before 6. Taub turns back into a faithful pumpkin at midnight."
Thirteen, Because lying alone in a hospital bed contemplating bankruptcy � hot.
Chase," My point was that arousal is a function of the parasympathetic nervous system. If that's where the pRoblem is, the pain could be triggered by crying, which seems�"
House," PNS also controls digestion, which she's been doing without screaming her head off since she's been here."
Taub," What if what matters isn't when the pain started, but when it stopped?"
Foreman, It was during an X-ray. You think that cured her?
Taub," No, but House prepped her for the X-ray with a barium enema."
Chase," Well, that wouldn't treat anything except�"
Chase, You're in pain because part of your intestine folded in on itself. It's called an intussusception.
Taub, It's cutting off blood flow. We need to fix it before your bowel gets necrotic and dies.
Julia," Once you do that, will I get better?"
Taub," When this happens in adults, it's usually a sign of abdominal cancer. We'll fix the overlap, and then search your intestine for tumors."
House, Foam?
Cuddy, I have a bad feeling about this.
House," Nothing. That's the beauty. I genuinely tried to help Wilson. I told him to stand up for himself, which you know is legitimate advice. And his relationship blew up."
Cuddy, So you're paying it forward?
House," If this should somehow lead to Lucas dying or oral sex, so be it. (Cuddy looks somewhat entertained.)"
Taub, Think I should wear a tie tonight?
Chase," This isn't weird at all. I mean, where's Rachel eating tonight?"
Taub, Home.
Chase," What if she's going out too? She is allowed to, right?"
Taub, Of course. It's only fair. But I don't think she will.
Operating Nurse, Your wife only eats dinner at home?
Taub," If she did go out, that would be tough, but I think I can handle it."
Chase, Don't do it unless you're sure.
Taub, I know I'd rather be jealous than a liar. (They are still examining the intestine.) Got something here. Kelly clamp and scalpel.
Chase," Biopsy showed non-specific inflammation, which suggests IBD, only it doesn't explain the cardiac pRoblems."
Taub, Or her declining kidney function. We ran panels during surgery.
House," Actually, IBD does make sense, 'cause it could trigger ankylosing spondylitis, which would explain the heart and the kidneys. Start her on sulfasalazine and TNF inhibitors. (They follow him in the corridor. House enters the elevator.) Oh, and Taub, I'm not gonna see you before you head off for Gomorrah. Just remember, if you get disoriented! breathe through your nose and look for the horizon."
Taub, Nothing's happened. It's okay.
Taub," No. I've been an idiot, and I don't need anything else. I just need you."
Rachel, You mean that?
Taub," I do. I love you, Rachel. (They hug. She half laughs, half cries.)"
Rachel, I love you too.
Taub, Let's go home.
Rachel, Is that okay?
Taub, There are other doctors. (He hugs her and they walk away).
Foreman, The treatment's not working. Her left kidney failed last night. The other one's right behind it. It's not ankylosing spondylitis.
Chase," Kidney biopsy showed she had IgA nephropathy, which could be caused by or associated with (gestures to the whiteboard) any of these conditions."
Taub," We've gone from too few ideas to too Many, and our Patient's running out of time."
House, Why the lack of afterglow? Physio girl not as freaky as you'd hoped?
Taub, I went home with my wife.
Taub," I can't hurt Rachel like that. Sickle cell anemia would have shown on blood tests. No flattened intestinal villi rules out celiac. (They all stare at him. He stops.) Seriously? Our Patient's dying, and we can't move past my sex life?"
House," Seriously, you'd think it'd kill her if we spend 15 seconds mocking you?"
Thirteen," Alport and anti-GbM antibody are both untreatable, so if she has them we can't help her. (Chases crosses those out too.)"
Chase, And it can't be Henoch-Schonlein purpura. (He crosses it off.) No inciting respiratory infection and no rash.
House, I don't care what it's not. I want to know what it could be.
Thirteen," Well, Everything left on the list."
Taub," Hemochromatosis is a possibility. Excess iron builds up, causes pRoblems throughout the body."
Foreman," Weil's syndrome also affects multiple organ systems, and it wouldn't have been treated by the antibiotic the E.R. gave her."
Thirteen, Sarcoidosis makes sense too.
House, Good. Treat for those three.
Thirteen, I think you should call Tom.
Julia, Am I gonna die?
Thirteen, I don't know.
Julia," If he walked in here right now, I'd look in his face and all I would think is ""liar""."
Thirteen," Don't you think that's kind of unfair? You say honesty's all-important, but you conveniently ignore the truth that some truths hurt people. Tom lied to protect you."
Julia, He was covering his ass.
Thirteen, I'm not talking about the money. Tom hasn't slept with anyone else in over a year.
Julia, He told you that? (Thirteen nods.) So my entire marriage is a sham?
Thirteen," No. Your husband, who only wants you, lied so that you could be happy. That seems pretty real to me."
Wilson, Yeah? (Sam enters the room. She looks nervous.)
Sam, Hey.
Wilson, Hey.
Wilson, Me too. I shouldn't have said�
Wilson," I'm trying. (He gets up and approaches her.) I always thought that I was keeping the peace, but I was just resenting you and giving you a reason to leave."
Sam, I wish we had this fight ten years ago.
Wilson, Is it okay if we don't give House the credit?
Sam," Oh, I recommend it. (Wilson laughs, they kiss.)"
Thirteen," ""O"" for three. Her kidney function is still declining. We're gonna need to start dialysis."
House," Glad the husband's back. After missing so Many little deaths, he should be here for the big one. Top six, anyone?"
Taub, Polyarteritis nodosa?
House," We'd have seen some improvement on prednisone. (Looking at flowers in the room.) Guy's wife's dying, and he stops to buy flowers."
Thirteen, They're from his garden. Mercury poisoning fits.
House," Those are lilacs. My mom used to grow lilacs. My dad made her get rid of them, 'cause there were too Many bees. We ruled out HSP 'cause there was no inciting respiratory infection. But in rare cases, it can also be triggered by a bee sting."
Thirteen, We also ruled it out because there's no rash.
House, Maybe we just didn't see it.
House, Have you been stung by a bee recently?
Julia," Uh, about a month ago."
Tom, What's going on?
Julia, I don't.
House," Not that you know of. Okay, I'm gonna have to check your holes. I'll start with the mouth. If there's nothing there, then things might have to get kinky. Say aah. (He gets a light.)"
Julia," Aah. (When she opens her mouth, we all see a purpuric rash on the roof of her mouth. House looks disappointed.)"
House, I was kinda hoping for kinky.
Tom, Is that good or bad?
Thirteen, We'll treat her with high-dose IVIG and cyclophosphamide. You should be fine.
Julia, I'm gonna be okay. I love you. (They hold hands. The team leaves the room.)
House," That is adorable. Other than you still wanting to have sex with other dudes, and him bankrupting your family, I think you kids are pretty much home free."
Sam, Mm-hmm?
Wilson, And! (He puts down some more cards. House enters the room and looks at them.)
House, You two made up?
House, You can thank me later.
Sam, I'm all-in.
Taub, You need a hand?
Maya, Thanks.
Taub, Sorry about canceling the other night.
Maya, Me too.
Maya, You wanna go somewhere?
s Father, Hey.
Nicole, Hi.
s Father, The car's full of gas. (She gives him a look of exasperation) You sure?
Nicole, And if I'm not?
s Father, You'll be paying me back for those damn invitations.
Nicole," Oh, well, then nEver mind. (They both laugh) Ted is a wonderful Man, dad. He's the second greatest guy I Ever met."
s Father, Guess that's us.
Nicole, Mm-hmm.
REverend Bowden," Into this Holy estate, these two persons present now come to be joined. And so if any person may show just cause why they may not be joined together, let them speak now or forEver hold their peace."
REverend Bowden," That's what I like to hear. Do you, Theodore Philip Taylor, take Nicole Margaret Murray to be your wife, and promise before God and these witnesses to be her loving and faithful husband, in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, so long as you both shall live?"
Ted, I� I� (He doesn't seem to be able to speak)
Nicole," (whispering) This isn't funny, Ted."
Ted, Uh...
Nicole, Ted.
REverend Bowden, Are you all right?
Nicole, Teddy.
Sam, Hey.
Wilson, Hey.
Sam, What time is it?
Wilson, (kissing her shoulder) Happy time.
Sam, (kissing him) I'm still asleep.
Wilson, Just think of this as a dream.
Sam, What about House?
Wilson," I said a dream, not a nightmare."
Sam, He's in the next room.
Wilson, Sound asleep. (Their kissing grows more passionate)
s Mother," (from another room) Esteban, start getting ready."
House, I met the neighbors.
Police Officer," Sir, do you know this Man?"
Wilson, (giving House a dirty look) Hmm.
Cuddy, (talking on the phone) I don't need a temporary. I need a perManent. Yesterday. Please do.
House, Good morning.
Cuddy," Hardly. One of my P.A.s quit an hour ago, and I have to reshuffle next month's schedule."
House, (checking his own message slips) That's nothing. I woke up in the wrong bed this morning.
Nurse Jeffrey, Any bed you're in is the wrong one.
House, (looking at Jeffrey over the top of his sunglasses) That's not what your mama said. (snapping his fingers in the air) Oh! Snap.
Nurse Jeffrey, I'll be going now. (He closes a file and leaves) To HuMan Resources.
House," He started it. It was the neighbor's kid's bed. Luckily, Esteban still likes sleeping with mommy."
Cuddy, How drunk were you?
House, About yea drunk.
Cuddy," Are you okay? You shouldn't be drinking at all, much less�"
House, You sound just like Esteban's mom.
Cuddy, I need you in the clinic.
House," Sorry, I'm busy."
House," (to Chase) Tell me you have a case. You know, Even if you don't."
Chase, I have a case.
House, Sounds interesting. I'll take it. (They walk away from Cuddy) I owe you one. Now tell me you don't have a case.
Chase, I really do have a case.
House, We're Even.
House, You guys know how to Honeymoon. (He tosses his cane and then his backpack to Chase)
Taub, This is Dr. House. (to House) Aphasia and syncope.
Nicole, He can't speak.
House," ""Aphasia"" is Greek for loss of voice."
Chase," We've ruled out infection, vocal cord damage, and stroke."
House," (looking at Nicole) A lot of guys syncope at the altar. It's Greek for ""having the vapors."""
Taub," We ruled out all the common causes of fainting: Low blood pressure, hypoglycemia, dehydration."
House," Don't say ""ah."""
Nicole, Do you know what it is?
House, (tossing the tongue depressor in the trash) Roll on your side and lift up your gown.
House, There's one thing they didn't test for.
Nicole, A test for what?
House, Faking.
Ted, Ow!
House, Test was positive.
Ted, (rolling back over) I� I can� I can talk. I� I wasn't faking. My voice just came back right now.
House," Hey, I'm not the one you have to convince."
Nicole, I know he wasn't faking.
House," Well, if she's buying that, she might just be a keeper."
Taub, What about the syncope?
House," Well, the� (House pretends to faint and collapses onto Ted's bed)"
House, Is she buying this too?
Nicole, Why would he fake anything?
House," (getting up off the bed) Kryo podia. It's Greek for ""duh."" (taking his cane and backpack from Chase) Still, you get to keep the engagement ring."
Taub, I don't think he was faking.
House," That's because you're more gullible than I am. (they stop at the elevator) For instance, I don't beliEve that you called off your open marriage. I beliEve your wife called it off, and you called off telling her that you weren't calling it off. A guy doesn't just throw a golden ticket in the trash."
Taub, The same way a guy doesn't give up a lucrative medical practice to come work for you?
House, That's exactly why you dabble. You're compensating for your professional conquests with sexual ones.
Taub," I'm not that predictable. For example, you're pRobably not expecting me to ask you out for dinner tonight."
House," No, thanks."
Taub, You won't Even consider it?
House," I did, just very quickly."
Taub," The truth is, since I called this thing off, my wife has been very grateful and I could do with a down night. If I go out with the boss, nobody can blame me."
House, Okay. If you bring your wife.
Taub, No. That's the point. I need a little�
House, You're lying.
Taub, I'm not lying.
House, Then I'm not going.
Taub, Okay. Fontina at 8:30.
Ted," You beliEve me, right?"
Nicole, Of course I beliEve you.
Ted, Then let's do it. We'll tell a cab to take us to AC right now and get it done.
Nicole, You're serious? You just walked out of the emergency room.
Ted, Exactly. I walked out. I feel great.
Nicole," Well, we do have the clothes for it."
Nicole," Ted, what's wrong? Are you� what's wrong? Oh, my God. Can somebody help us? (Ted collapses to his knees and a nurse runs toward them) Please! Please hurry. Just breathe. Oh, my God."
House," There's gotta be a better way to call off a wedding. A Tweet, for example."
Foreman, Pleural effusion.
Taub, You think his lung is faking it?
Foreman, There's at least 200 ccs of fluid in there.
House," (turning around to look at the team) Okay, let's say all his symptoms are real. Explain how one of them suddenly went away without using the words ""virgin"" or ""Mary."""
Foreman," If the pleural effusion's caused by something systemic, it could explain his other two symptoms. And so whether you beliEve him or not, all we have to figure out is what caused the PE."
Chase, ER ruled out infection. Eosinophil count ruled out parasites.
House, A medication he's not telling us about.
Taub," You really don't trust this guy, do you?"
House," I don't Even trust the ER. Let's rule out infections ourselves. Tap his lungs, send cultures, run cytology for cancer, and check his blood pressure."
Chase, We already�
House," This time, talk about nuptials while you do it. Check his home for Everything else."
Thirteen, He just moved in with his fiancee three months ago. Toxic exposure could take longer than that to Manifest.
House, (to Foreman) You check his love nest. (to Taub and Thirteen) You two check his swinging bachelor pad.
Taub, That somebody else now lives in?
House, I assume so.
Taub, Not the glass. No.
Taub, The place looks like...1960s? Could have lead paint.
Thirteen, (looking in the cabinet under the kitchen sink) You think a 27-year-old has pica?
Taub," If it gets us out of here before the owner comes back, yes."
Thirteen, What'd you tell that cute physio?
Taub, (sniffing a used coffee cup) That I changed my mind.
Thirteen," No, you didn't. You're more nervous than usual."
Taub, Because this B and E has actual B.
Thirteen, (looking up) That's a suspended ceiling.
Taub, What are you doing?
Thirteen, I want to see what's above it.
Taub, More ceiling.
Thirteen, Made of 40-year-old acoustic tile.
Taub, Asbestosis. I like it. I'll be in the car.
Cotter, (finding strangers in his House) What the hell?
Taub," Uh, it's okay. We're doctors. Nobody was home, so�"
Cotter," (standing in the kitchen doorway) Well, I'm calling the police."
Thirteen, (getting down off the chair) Do you know Ted Taylor? He used to live here.
Cotter, Yeah. What about him?
Thirteen, He's our Patient at Princeton Plainsboro.
Cotter, Is he okay?
Thirteen, We think he may have asbestosis from your ceiling tiles.
Cotter, They're not asbestos. I had 'em checked when I moved in. How sick is he?
Taub, Is he a friend of yours?
Cotter," He was. Actually, he was my boyfriend for three years."
Ted, I'm not gay.
House," Really? 'Cause it would certainly explain the cold feet. Oh, and the boyfriend."
Taub, So you're bisexual?
Ted," No, I'm straight. Cotter, the guy you met, he's gay. He had a crush on me. I left."
Thirteen, After three years?
House," Well, it's possible. It doesn't mean you're gay just 'cause the guy you're sleeping with is."
Ted, We weren't sleeping together. What's this got to do with anything?
Taub, Lung tap turned up mononucleosis. ER doesn't routinely test for it. It explains the PE and can be virtually asymptomatic.
House," So we got to wondering, how does a 27-year-old get mono? You're a little old for the kissing disease, unless your immune system is compromised."
Thirteen," If there's been any unprotected sex, we'll need to test for HIV."
Ted, There's been no sex of any kind.
House, Okay. I'll go test your fiancee for HIV. Is she the curious sort?
Ted," Wait. There may have been some (pause) contact, but I'm not gay."
House," Sodomy, one of the top ten most common Household accidents."
Ted," I did a lot of stupid things, but I turned my life around. I'm as straight as any of you. (Thirteen starts to say something, then thinks better of it.)"
Ted, You don't have to beliEve me. I'm just saying you can test me... As long as you don't tell Nicole.
Thirteen, What business is it of hers? (House and Thirteen leave)
Chase, I don't see anything wrong with him marrying a straight Woman.
Thirteen," How about, it'll make them both miserable?"
Chase," Just like most straight marriages. He's got the right to life, liberty, and unhappiness, like the rest of us. (He looks at Taub)"
Taub, Absolutely no reason to look at me.
Chase, I'm not saying it's a great choice. Just saying it's his choice.
Thirteen," It has to be hers as well, which it can't be as long as she doesn't know he's gay."
Chase, Which is how it's gonna stay since we have no right to tell her.
Thirteen, Like you've nEver bent the rules.
Chase," You date guys. You date girls. I assume at some point, you're gonna make a choice."
Thirteen, I don't lie about who I am.
Chase, Patients lying nEver bothered you before.
Taub, Patients weren't lying about their sexual orientation before.
Chase, So you're only judgmental when it gets personal.
Thirteen, Does it bother me that people hurt others because they're too weak to face the truth? Yeah. Sorry about that. (She looks over at Taub also)
Taub, Tell me she's not looking at me.
Chase, He's negative?
Taub, Yep. Looks like being gay didn't make him sick.
Thirteen, So maybe being straight did.
Thirteen, The test was negative. No HIV.
Ted, I told you.
Thirteen, What you didn't tell us is how you turned your life around. It can be pretty hard.
Ted, It was.
Thirteen, Downright impossible on your own.
Ted, I talked to some people.
Thirteen," It was more than just talk, wasn't it? I know this is personal stuff. I'm here to help you, not out you."
Ted, I had therapy.
Thirteen, Conversion therapy. Went to a camp for three weeks of intensive rehabilitation. They injected him with emetics while he watched gay porn.
Chase, Apomorphine?
Thirteen," Or lithium chloride or cyclophosphamide. He doesn't know. And when that didn't work, they shot him up with male hormones."
Foreman, A chemical assault like that could explain the PE.
Thirteen, And the ECT explains the rest.
Taub, They gave him electroconvulsive therapy to make him straight?
House, To zap the fabulous right out of him.
Thirteen, Neural damage accounts for the aphasia.
Foreman, ECT doesn't cause neural damage.
House, Unless it was done at Dr. Liberace's he-Man quackery camp. Run an EEG. See if they straightened him or just scrambled him.
Taub," (sitting down across from House) Sorry. I completely forgot. My wife just started a ceramics class Tuesdays at 8:00. It's a half-hour drive from here. She won't be back till 10:30. (He looks up at House, who doesn't beliEve him) She's taking it with her girlfriend Marly. She hopes to make a tea service. You want to call her?"
House, No need. I already texted her. And here she is now.
House, (leaning in close) I think you're still seeing the physio. (Taub turns back to House) You've got a backup suit in your car. Don't want to be bringing home da stank.
Taub," (talking quietly and quickly) Okay, yes, you're right, about Everything. But please, House. Don't tell her."
House," Hi, Rachel."
Rachel," Hi, Dr. House. I didn't know you'd be here. (Rachel and Taub kiss, and House stands up) Hi, Honey. Got your text, obviously."
House, (looking very pleased with himself) I'm just leaving. I've got a ceramics class.
Rachel, (looking surprised) Really?
House," I love it. Even Managed to talk Chris into signing up for one. Of course, he's in the beginners' class."
Rachel, (looking at Taub) You're in a ceramics class?
House," Friday nights, right?"
Taub, Friday nights. Sounded like fun.
House, You should join Chris'.
Rachel," You know, I should."
House," Well, gotta go. Making a tea service. (He pats Taub on the shoulder as he leaves)"
Nicole," Hi, I must have fallen asleep in the lounge. What are they doing?"
Thirteen, An EEG.
Nicole, What's it for?
Thirteen, We're looking for neurological damage that could have caused his symptoms.
Nicole, Damage from what?
Thirteen, A head trauma.
Nicole, He had an accident?
Thirteen, It wasn't an accident. It was before he met you.
Nicole," Well, what happened? Was he hospitalized?"
Thirteen, You should ask him about it. (She is watParkng Foreman and Chase in Ted's room) They have the results.
Foreman, (looking at the test results) Everything looks normal.
Chase, (watParkng a brain wave printout) Look at this.
Foreman, Beta waves are spiking.
Nicole, What's that mean?
Foreman, I'm not sure.
Chase, He's coding. Crash cart.
Nicole, What's happening to him?
Foreman, He's having a heart attack.
Foreman, EKG showed no abnormalities.
Chase, So what caused the arrest?
House," Four ways to stop a heart. (He walks toward Taub) Electrical pRoblems, restricted blood flow, blood where it shouldn't be, shocks, blocks, or bleeds."
Chase, I think that's three things.
House," (looking at Taub) And cheating. (he guffaws) Oh, no. Sorry. That's how you break a heart."
Taub, (to House) I found a ceramics class in Trenton on Friday nights that was full so my wife couldn't join me. (turning to address the team) EP study ruled out shocks.
House," Now you just have to find some pottery by Taub. The lamer it looks, the better."
Foreman, So we'll do an angio to see if it's blocks or bleeds.
House, You should be a doctor.
Thirteen, I'm gonna check out this new lesbian bar tonight.
House, Your life is awesome.
Thirteen, You want to come?
Wilson, (hanging up the phone) I was telling a 33-year-old Woman that she has breast cancer.
House," No, you weren't."
Wilson, How do you know?
House," Because if you were, you'd need to see the pain in her eyes so she could see the concern in yours. Why are you setting me up on dates with my team? (Wilson shakes his head) Taub asking me out was quirky, but Thirteen doing it is a barking cat."
Wilson, I'm doing it to help you.
House, By setting me up with a hottie that I can't sleep with? And Thirteen?
Wilson, I've been spending more time with Sam. I know it's been hard on you. I figured if you had some company�
House, I don't need your help.
Wilson, Then consider it helping our neighbor's four-year-old.
House, I gave him a dollar. How much did you have to pay?
Wilson," Nothing. I just told them you might be feeling down and it was in their self-interest to keep you company. (House doesn't beliEve him) 100 bucks, Foreman held out for 2. (House looks offended) House, I'm worried about you. You could have ended up in jail or worse."
House, Racking you with guilt. So I do something really stupid and you reward me. Read any parenting Manual. That's not helping me. That's helping you.
Wilson," Fine, I did it for me, for my relationship, out of pure self-interest."
House, Okay.
Wilson, You'll do it?
House, For you.
Wilson, Thank you.
House," It's not gonna work, though."
Wilson, Maybe. But how bad can a night out at a lesbian bar be?
Nicole, Hey. How are you doing?
Ted, Heart attack at 27.
Nicole," Um, they said you had a head trauma?"
Ted, I fell off a stepladder and- -and hit my head. It was a stupid accident.
Nicole, An accident.
Thirteen, We need to prep you for your angio.
Taub, Valium will help you relax.
Thirteen, We're gonna run a line through your femoral artery.
Taub, Ted?
Nicole, He's having another heart attack?
Thirteen, (She puts her fingers on his neck) I don't think so. His heart rate seems normal.
Taub," Are you okay? You weren't discussing wedding plans, were you?"
Ted, No. I guess I just...
Taub, Fainted.
House," P.O.T.S. - Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome. BP plummets when he's upright, rEverts to normal when he's lying down."
Taub, He was lying down both times we took his blood pressure.
Thirteen, Protracted hypotension could have induced his heart attack. Also explains the syncope.
Taub," And his aphasia. He was upright, then you laid him down on the bed to test him. BP rEverted to normal, voice came back, jabbing him with the needle had nothing to do with it."
Thirteen, P.O.T.S. can be brought on by a viral or bacterial infection such as mono.
House, So load him up with fludrocortisone.
House," (to Taub) You didn't read your ceramics course description, did you?"
Taub, Yeah. You did?
House, As I'm sure your wife did. So we all know they're doing a fourth of July theme. She'll be expecting something star-spangled.
Cotter, Nicole?
Nicole, Yes?
Cotter, Cotter Macklin. I'm an old friend of Ted's.
Nicole, Hi.
Cotter, How's he doing?
Nicole," Um, he had a heart attack."
Cotter," (He sounds upset) Oh, my God."
Nicole, They have him on some new meds. Really knocked him out.
Cotter," Well, how are you holding up?"
Nicole, I'm okay. Thanks.
Cotter," (holding up a tin of peppermint bark) Um, I brought this for him."
Nicole, That's his favorite thing in the whole world.
Cotter, I know.
Nicole," You weren't at the wedding, were you?"
Cotter," No, I-I wasn't invited. (visibly upset) Ted and I had a-a falling out."
Nicole, How did you know each other?
Cotter," Um, we met senior year of college. Yeah, we� we shared a House for a while."
Nicole, You were roommates?
Cotter, (his voice breaks) For three years.
Cotter, (sniffling) I'm� I'm sorry. I� I just miss him.
Nicole, I think you should leave.
Cotter, I shouldn't have done that.
Nicole, (interrupting him) Now. Please?
Cotter, I hope he gets better. (He leaves the room)
Thirteen," Hey, how are you feeling?"
Ted, Hmm. Don't know yet
Taub, Your numbers look good. We're gonna keep you on these meds.
Nicole, You had a visitor while you were asleep.
Ted, Oh yeah? Who?
Nicole, Cotter. Who is he?
Ted, I shared a House with him after college. I don't know why he would show up.
Nicole, That's it?
Ted, Yeah. Why? What did he say?
Nicole," I need to hear it from you, Ted."
Ted," (nodding and pausing) One night, I got, really drunk and, I went to bed. And he came into my room. One thing led to another. The whole thing was a mistake."
Nicole, Are you saying you had sex with him?
Ted, I was drunk and confused.
Nicole, You're gay?
Ted," No! I thought, I was. I Even, made up my mind to tell my family. I stood in front of the bathroom mirror, psyParkng myself up. All I could see was disgust. And that's when I realized, I didn't hate the thought of admitting I was gay because I was ashamed. I hated the thought because I wasn't gay. And that was the day I went to get help."
Nicole, So you're not gay?
Ted," They cured me, Nicole. That's what all the head trauma is about. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but it's� it's all in the past now. It doesn't matter anymore."
Nicole, What is it?
Ted," Oh, oh my head! (Nicole gets up to go get help)"
Taub, He's got sEvere headaches.
House, So do I. Should I call or raise with a double gutshot draw?
House, No. What about infection?
Taub," That's what we're thinking. Cerebral infection would explain the headaches, could have caused P.O.T.S. If it's fungal, it could have spread to the heart."
House, I was talking about you. Has the little gent been wearing a tent?
Taub, Remind me why that has anything to do with you.
House, A distracted person makes a distracted professional.
Taub, And destroying my marriage will help me focus.
House," PRobably. Do a spinal tap. Run the CSF. (Taub starts to leave) Still talking about you. (Taub stops and turns back to House) But you can do it on the Patient, too, if you want. (Taub leaves)"
House, (nodding) What about her?
Thirteen, The Bartender?
House, She's the only one who's not here for fun.
Thirteen," Trust me, she's not straight."
House," If your gaydar is so great, how come you didn't know about the Patient till you met his boyfriend?"
Thirteen, The guy walked in with his bride. It took me a while to rotate my dish. It's unbelievable what he's doing to her.
House, You don't think he loves her?
Thirteen," He may love her, but he needs to have sex with other men."
House," Taub loves his wife, but he needs to have sex with other women."
Thirteen," Yeah, it sucks what he's doing to her too, but it's hardly the same. To be faithful to his wife, our Patient has to deny his identity. Taub just needs to�"
House, (finishing her sentence) to resist a biological imperative.
Thirteen, It is easier to say no to dessert than to pretend you don't eat.
House, Says someone who's obviously nEver been on a diet.
Thirteen," Oh, yeah. My life's a breeze."
House," You're successful, smart, and you attract Everything that moves. If you want to focus on the fact that you're not gonna see 50, that's your choice."
Thirteen, You know what? I agree with you. My self-pity's optional. What about yours?
House, (answering the phone) Yeah?
Taub," CSF was negative for infection, and his headaches are worse."
House, We were just talking about you.
Taub, Please don't.
Chase," It's not P.O.T.S., we're back to square one."
House," (into the phone) Not quite. You did a spinal tap, but the headaches got worse."
Chase, We're maxing him out on morphine.
House, He sprung a leak. He's losing CSF from the tap site.
Taub, We made his headaches worse?
House," Just you, actually."
Chase, That still wouldn't explain why he got the headaches in the first place.
House," The low pressure in his brain caused the P.O.T.S., not the other way around. Patch the leak and top him up with artificial CSF. (He closes his phone)"
Chase, There. That should stop the leak.
Taub, You should be feeling some relief soon.
Nicole, I spoke to my parents.
Ted, How are they doing?
Nicole, They're still worried.
Ted," Well, tell them not to be. Everything's gonna be okay."
Nicole, Ted?
Ted, What's happening?
Taub, He's stroking.
Chase, (examining his eyes with a light scope) Both eyes are responsive.
Taub, (to Ted) Tell me your full name.
Ted, (looking scared) Theodore Philip Taylor.
Chase, This isn't a stroke.
Taub, Then what is it?
Ted, What's happening to me?
Chase, It's really not P.O.T.S. We're really back to square one.
House," So what's masquerading as a stroke? Voted the worst Halloween costume, by the way."
Chase," MRA showed no pRoblems with blood flow to the brain, rules out T.I.A."
Taub, Sarcoidosis?
House, Chest x-rays showed no hilar masses. (to Taub) Any luck with the pottery?
Taub, Wasn't easy. Bought a suitably cruddy set of fife and drum napkin rings online. (diagnosing again) Scleroderma?
House, Skin's fine. A.N.A. was negative. So what did that set you back?
Taub, Too much. I got into a bidding war with some lunatic. Histoplasmosis.
House," EIA was clear. Hey, could have gone a lot higher than $215."
Taub, You're kissmyasthma99?
Chase," What about MELAS? Mitochondrial encephalomyopathy, lactic acidosis, and stroke-like episodes."
House, NILLAS. No. Idiot. Lactate. LEvels. Are. Stable. We're missing something.
Taub," We've run Every test that makes sense, asked Every question we can think of, gone over his history a dozen times."
Chase, We know how much we can trust his history.
House," If history is written by the victor, how do we find out what really happened?"
Chase, Talk to the loser.
House, Call the boyfriend. Let's get them all in the same room.
Taub, Or we could question them separately and not torture them.
House, Or we could get them all in the same room and get the truth.
Chase, (sounding like he knows House is expecting the invitation) Oh. Drinks are on me and Foreman tonight.
House, Can't. Pap smear.
Chase," We don't want to do it either, but Wilson already paid us."
House, It's gonna suck.
Chase, I know.
House, Where and when?
Thirteen, Any incidents of dizziness? (They shake their heads) Seizures? (They shake their heads again) Blackouts?
Nicole, Other than our wedding day.
Ted, Don't you think I would have told you if there were?
Cotter, (remembering) My sister's birthday.
Ted, I was drunk.
Cotter, You had one Martini.
Ted, On an empty stomach.
Cotter," Look, he was just sitting on the couch, and then he� he� he fell over and that was it."
Ted," Well, once I slept it off, I was fine."
Cotter," Well, I stayed up that night checking on him Every 15 minutes."
Taub, What about sex?
Ted," Yes, I have sex with my girlfriend, because I'm not gay."
Nicole, We have sex.
Ted, Thank you.
Thirteen, No pRoblems?
Nicole," Um, well, there have been some..."
Ted, (clearly embarrassed) Nic.
Nicole, Issues.
Taub, Erectile dysfunction?
Ted, Every guy has it sometimes.
Cotter, We nEver had that pRoblem.
Ted," Gee, that must be because Ted doesn't like girls."
Taub," Or because it's vascular. I know we did an MRA, but arterial disease causing acute ischemia could explain the heart, neuro symptoms, and maybe Even P.O.T.S."
Thirteen, Might I suggest a diagnostic test?
Taub, The penile plethysmograph measures changes in blood flow in your penis. Tells us if there's a circulatory pRoblem. You just need to be in the right... state.
Thirteen," (holding up two porn magazines, one gay, and one straight) What's your pleasure?"
Ted, I feel terrible. I-I don't think anything's gonna work.
Thirteen, Then we'll have to give you a shot.
Taub, Where you don't want to get one.
Ted, Shot it is.
[Note, To make it easier to process (as House would say) Chase's lead parts are up against the left margin. House and Foreman's backup lines are indented. Here is a link to a video version]
Foreman, Nobody wants to follow that.
House, The night just keeps getting better.
House, To Wilson.
All, Wilson.
Taub, Everything looks fine.
Ted, You sure?
Thirteen," Medically, that's good news. (she pauses) Are you feeling fEverish? You're sweating."
Ted," No. I feel lousy, but I don't know why I'm sweating."
Ted, What is it?
Thirteen, You're not sweating.
Taub, You're lactating.
House," If he can't tell his fiancee he's gay, how is he gonna tell her he's pregnant?"
Chase, (handing the container to Foreman) His therapists loaded him with hormones.
Foreman, (looking at the container) Male hormones don't make you lactate.
Chase, Except they could screw up your thyroid.
Foreman, That was over three months ago. We just started milking him last night.
Chase," So something else screwed up his thyroid. Graves, Hashimoto's."
House, Nope. TSH was normal.
Taub, Pituitary tumor. Could also explain his libido and heart issues.
Thirteen," And if the tumor's big enough, his headaches and syncope."
Chase, Except we� we cleared him for cancer.
Taub," Didn't say ""cancer."" Prolactinomas can be benign."
House," Check his prolactin lEvel, then MRI his pituitary."
Wilson, Sounds like you had fun last night.
House, You beliEve Chase?
Wilson, I beliEve Foreman. And they had fun with you. What happened?
House, I realized that they could be my friends.
Wilson, You're serious.
House, And then I sobered up.
Wilson, You weren't that drunk. You Managed to find your way into your own little bed last night.
House, I think I sleep better in rocket ship sheets.
Wilson," No, you want to blame this on the booze, but that's easy. Change is hard."
House, And wisdom is knowing the difference between what you can change... (House pauses and reaches for his cane. This is the medical epiphany moment) And what you were born with.
Wilson, And cowardice is labeling what you don't want to change as innate.
Wilson, (calling after him) I was winning this argument.
Taub, Pituitary MRI�
House, (finishing Taub's sentence) was normal.
House, How are the headaches?
Ted, Terrible.
House, Give me your head.
Ted, What the hell?
House, I know. It's the first time you've heard that sentence with a possessive pronoun.
Ted," Oh, wow, that� that's better."
Ted," Okay, enough."
House," How cool is that? You have a Parkari malformation, a narrowing in the base of your skull that can cut off CSF flow. But it wasn't a pRoblem until the ECT at breeder boot camp caused your brain to swell just enough to plug the opening. And when your brain pressed up against your pituitary, it signed you up for La Leche League. You still won't be pitParkng a tent for your lady, but that's just because, you know, she's a lady."
Taub, Its orthostatic effect was mimicking P.O.T.S.
House," It also does an uncanny Christopher Walken. Unfortunately, if you treat it like P.O.T.S., it gets worse. So, as far as that goes, oops."
Taub, Proper treatment is surgery. We'll get you in right away.
Ted, So how did I get this thing?
House," Overbearing mother. Kidding. CM's congenital. Like so Many other things, you were born that way."
Cotter," (holding up a tin of peppermint bark) I thought you might be running low, so... (He puts the tin on the bedside table)"
Ted," Thanks. (He pauses, looking at Cotter) I'm not coming back."
Cotter," Ted, this is a mistake."
Ted," I know you're hurting, and I'm sorry, but!"
Cotter, I'm talking about hurting her.
Ted, I love her.
Cotter, Ted.
Ted," Thank you, for your support. We both really appreciate it."
Cotter, Good luck.
Ted, (looking up) Hey. (Nicole sits down beside the bed) You know what I've been thinking? It's your birthday in three weeks. What do you say we rebook the church and make it a doubleheader?
Nicole," I don't know, Ted."
Ted," Less than a week ago we were standing at the altar, perfectly happy. Nothing's changed."
Nicole, Really?
Ted, I still love you. Do you still love me?
Nicole, Yes. But�
Ted, Then that's all that matters.
Nicole, But I think that you still love him.
Ted," (emphatically) I'm not gay. Nicole, I promise you."
Nicole, How can you promise me that?
Ted," Because I beliEve that we get to choose how we live our lives, and I've made my choice."
Nicole," (sadly) So now, I have to make mine."
Ted, Nic.
Nicole, (getting up) I'm sorry.
Ted, Nic. No. No.
Ted, I'm not saying good-bye.
Nicole, Yeah.
Ted, (calling after her as she leaves) I want to marry you. I have to marry you. Nic!
House, It's Friday night.
Taub, I called it off. For real this time.
House, Frees you up for the next one.
Taub, One day at a time. (handing the box to House) Napkin rings. My way of saying thanks.
House, (taking the box) For trying to wreck your marriage?
Taub, For trying to save it.
House, And I get napkin rings?
Taub, Expensive ones.
Cuddy, I hired a replacement. For my P.A. She seems great.
House, Good work.
Cuddy, You too. Your Patient's going home tomorrow.
House, He doesn't have a home.
Cuddy, (She walks into the room) You want to grab a bite to eat?
House, So Wilson got to you too?
Cuddy, No. This is just me.
House, Lucas?
Cuddy, Working late. (she smiles uncomfortably) I'm buying.
House, I'm not that hungry.
Cuddy, Okay.
Cuddy, I just want us to be friends.
House, (very seriously) Funny. That's the last thing I want us to be.
House," Okay. ""Therafy"" me."
Nolan, You're late.
House, You're fat.
Nolan, It's unusual.
House, You know how far the Parking lot is? My leg's been hurting.
Nolan," Anything been on your mind lately, any particular stress?"
House," No. PRobably just gonna rain. [He grips his right thigh and looks off to his right, avoiding Nolan's gaze.]"
Nolan, Mm-hmm. You like the new Monet reproduction in the waiting room � the Water Lilies?
House," I was late. I wasn't focusing on the decor, but it sounds appropriately bland and calming."
Nolan, Stress can also make you absentminded.
House, I'm not stressed! Beyond the stress induced by you telling me how stressed I am.
Nolan," Just an ordinary week. [House stares at him but doesn't say anything.] Okay. [He settles back in his chair, smiling.] Tell me about it."
House, I had a Patient.
Cuddy, House. Good. I have a case for you.
House, [removing his sunglasses] Beer?
Cuddy," Amnesia. She was found jogging in the street, disoriented. She almost got hit by a truck. [She pulls open the curtain around Ms. X's bed.] The MRI showed no abnormalities. No I.D. on her. Just her jogging clothes and her heart rate monitor. We know absolutely nothing about her."
House," We know she has money. [He picks up a sneaker.] Blaze Outriggers � 400 bucks a pair. People who have money don't just disappear. Sooner or later, someone's gonna show up looking for her."
 X, [looking confused] Can I have something to eat?
Nurse, She just ate 15 minutes ago. She keeps forgetting.
House, You don't eat because you remember it's time to eat. You eat 'cause you're hungry. [He pulls the blanket off her legs and feels her calves.] Her metabolism is in high gear. She is an extreme long-distance runner�
Nolan, [voice over] Why were you in the ER?
House," [still looking at the Patient] That's your question? [back in Nolan's office, Nolan nods] You're a psychotherapist. You're hearing about a great amnesia case, and all you're asking me is geography."
Nolan, [quietly] Just curious.
House," [defiant for a moment, then he drops his eyes] I was avoiding Wilson. It's not something you couldn't have seen eight miles away."
House, [voice over] Wilson's a processor. I knew there were some things that he'd want to process with me! at length.
Wilson, Sam's moving in.
House," If it's before Friday, your assistant wins the pool. [He takes a bite of his muffin.]"
Wilson, I was just wondering what your plans were.
House, Tonight?
Wilson, In life. Sam likes you!
House, But she wants me to move out.
Wilson," No. I want you to move out. I didn't know things with Sam would happen so quickly. I d""�I don't want to make a mistake here. I've made a lot of mistakes."
House," By moving too quickly. Given your usual rate of commitment, I'm surprised you're not already re-divorced."
Wilson, [looking guilty] I could help you find a place.
House, What's wrong with my old place?
Wilson," Nothing. I just thought! You might want to find somewhere new, somewhere!"
House, [nodding] Where I didn't abuse drugs and hallucinate.
Wilson, Yes.
House, I'm fine.
Nolan," You're fine? [back in the office] Your best friend is tossing you out, and you're fine?"
House, Why wouldn't I be?
Nolan, You're not feeling a little! betrayed and angry? Wilson bought a two-bedroom condo specifically so that you could move in with him. It wasn't that long ago. You don't feel a little! jerked around?
House, He couldn't foresee Sam coming back into his life.
Nolan," That's a very rational defense of your friend. And, uh, I'm not buying it."
House, Based on what?
Nolan," Based on the fact that you were late, and you didn't notice the pictures in the outer office."
House, Those aren't symptoms.
Nolan," They are to me. And here's another one. You took the case. Hmm? No negotiating, no bargaining. No clinic hours changed hands. Were you looking for something to distract you from the fact that your best friend just threw you out?"
House, Case was interesting.
Nolan, It's not organic. It's not mysterious. Most likely some psychologically traumatic Event occurred that made the Patient's brain choose to forget Everything.
House, [slight smile] Or not.
House, Here. Loss of differentiation between gray and white matter. [He points to an area on the scan.]
Taub, It's subtle.
Chase, But it's in the area that controls memory. Not likely it's a coincidence.
Thirteen, Bacterial infection?
Nolan, [standing next to House] Do I need to know this?
House," Fine. I'll give you the Cliff Notes version. Chase ""� MS, Taub ""� physical trauma. I can tell you why we ruled them out."
Nolan, Or not.
Chase," Then it's pRobably a toxin, and we need to find it before it kills her. We should search her House."
Thirteen, Good luck with that.
House, Her heart rate monitor has a serial number. The distributor can match the number to the store that sold it. She's a serious athlete. She might have been there often enough to be remembered.
Foreman, Brilliant.
Nolan, Did he really say that?
House, Subtextually.
Foreman, Long shot.
House," Even if the store clerk doesn't know who she is, the store's pRobably close to where she lives. Just seeing those surroundings might sPark a memory."
Taub, You want us to take her there?
House, No. I'll take her.
Nolan," Really? [Back in Nolan's office.] Uh, it's unusual for you to spend time with a Patient, isn't it?"
House," Patients are boring! As people. This one I'm sure was no exception, but her situation was interesting. Besides, I was still avoiding Wilson. And no better way to avoid than leaving the hospital."
Nolan, Maybe. Or were you avoiding going home? There's a reason they tell addicts to stay away from old geography.
House, I wasn't avoiding going home. I'd already gone home!
House, [voice over] Before I came into work that day. I went straight there from Wilson's.
Alvie," [from inside the apartment] Hey, take it easy! You're gonna kill me! God, why don't people knock? [His head appears, upside down, at the top of the door.] House, it's you! Where you been? Hold up a second. [He closes the door on House.]"
Nolan, [in the lobby] Alvie? Juan Alvarez � you let him stay at your place?
House, Not exactly.
Alvie," I was beginning to wonder if you were Ever gonna show up. Su casa, mi casa. Casa!"
House, Why are you here?
Alvie," When I left Mayfield, I went back to the old neighborhood. You know, you shouldn't leave the bathroom window unlocked."
House," Yeah, thanks for the safety lesson. Why are you here?"
Alvie," Like I said, when I went back to the neighborhood, I found out immigration was looking for me. So I decided to visit my old buddy House!"
House, And turn his apartment into a giant prison jumpsuit.
Alvie," Juan Alvarez is no freeloader. I do my part, earn my keep. The first week I made your dinner, but you nEver showed up. The second week I organized your stuff."
House, My stuff?
Alvie," But still, you nEver showed up. So this week, since I'm a real good painter, I decided to�"
House, Coffee table � where'd you put it? In the bedroom?
Alvie," The paint's not cheap, House. It's a custom color. It's a mix of titanium, yellow, and ochre. Ochre � I don't Even like that stuff. It's like a fruit. It's got hair on it. But they say it's a vegetable�"
House, You sold my table to pay for paint that I don't want?
Alvie, [embarrassed] I had to sell some other things too.
House, Get out.
Alvie," No, papa, just give the color a chance."
House," Look, I'm going to work now. And when I come back, the walls will be a less exciting color, and you will be gone. [He drops a duffle bag on the floor with a thud.]"
Nolan," So Wilson threw you out, and you threw Alvie out � just, uh, another week?"
House," Unlike me, Alvie didn't leave. I took my motorcycle to work that day. When I went home to get my car, he was painting the ceiling magenta. So I brought him with me to protect the apartment."
Nolan, Why?
House, To protect the apartment. Whoa. Deja vu.
Nolan," Tossing him out or, uh, sending him to the movies or, uh, locking him in the bathroom would also minimize Alvie's destructive force. But you chose his company deliberately. Why?"
House," Obviously because he's a Wilson substitute. You can barely tell the difference between them, especially when Wilson raps about the hood."
Nolan," I'm not suggesting Alvie's a substitute, but he would make a great distraction."
House, From what?
Nolan, That's what I'm trying to find out. Go on.
Alvie, Maybe the heart rate monitor was a gift. That's why no one recognized her.
House," Shut up, Alvie. Anything familiar! Church, grocery store?"
 X, Sorry.
Alvie," It's okay, Ms. X. Maybe she's nEver been to this town before, bought the heart rate monitor on the store's website."
House," You know that Puerto Ricans are U.S. citizens, right? Instead of working the case, why don't you contemplate the inanity of an American with American immigration issues?"
Alvie, I had a birth certifiCate. I lost it.
House, So get a new one.
Alvie," I tried that, House. But the town hall had burned down when I was a kid, destroyed the records."
House, There's only one copy?
Alvie, They tried to make me fill out a whole bunch of forms before they'd give it to me. I decided it would be quicker and easier to do it myself.
House, How'd that go?
Alvie," They figured out it was forged. And now, for some reason, they don't beliEve anything I say. They actually think I'm lying about being Puerto Rican. Told me I had to go to a special hearing to prove it."
 X, What if nothing Ever looks familiar?
House," Then someone will show up � a spouse, a friend � to tell you who you really are and what you should be feeling. They always do."
 X, I don't know who that is! But I miss him.
House, What did they say at the hearing?
Alvie, I didn't go. I lied once.
House," Your mother is Puerto Rican, therefore, you are Puerto Rican. All you got to do is prove your mom's your mom, find some documentation�"
Alvie," People like that don't listen to people like me. Doughnuts! [distracted and very excited] Hey, House, let's get doughnuts!"
House," Alvie, the hearing�"
Alvie," Everyone loves doughnuts � glazed, crullers, elephant ears, Even doughnut holes. Much better than the sporting goods store. I bet Mrs. X went there all the time."
House, We're not here� [voice over] And then I realized! [to Alvie] You make a good point.
Alvie, Really? I was making that up.
Durdanna," Dozen glazed, dozen jelly-filled? [She points to Ms. X] You want the usual, right?"
House," Your old friend, the fried carbohydrate. [to the cashier] She needed the calorically dense food to support the running habit. Do you know her name?"
Durdanna, Sandy! Or Shelley. I don't know. The guy she's with called her that once. I just work here.
House, Do you know where they live?
Durdanna, He left a business card in our free doughnut jar. It's up on the wall of winners.
Jay," Sidney. [He comes out and hugs Ms. X Sidney.] God, I was so worried about you. What happened? [Sidney nervously looks at House. Jay looks at him too.]"
Jay," The police said it was too soon to do anything, so I started calling hospitals on my own. Princeton Plainsboro wasn't Even on my list. You really think something around here could have made her sick?"
House," Here, work, anywhere she could have been exposed. Why wasn't Princeton Plainsboro on your list?"
Jay," Well, I mean, it's a long way to run, Even for her."
Sidney, What is it I do besides run?
Jay," You're a Lawyer � civil rights, class action suits. It's a stressful job. Running's the way you deal with it."
Sidney, That doesn't sound like me.
House, Do you have any idea what would sound like you?
Sidney, [smiling at him] Good point.
Nolan, [voice over] So what were you thinking during all this?
House," [voice over] That it was a strange position to be in. At that moment, she was more comfortable with me than with her husband. And he was picking up on it."
Nolan, [back in the office] What about you?
House, What about me how?
Nolan," Well, there was a sort of, um, artificial intimacy between you? She had been dependent on you. Uh, did you find that attractive on some lEvel? Disturbing?"
House, Those are my two choices? None of the above. She was just a Patient. She was interesting.
Sidney, So we're really! married?
Jay, For four years.
Alvie," Ms. X, you lead a lemon fresh life. Found three different cleansers under the sink. Cleaned out the medicine cabinets too."
Jay," You know, she just won a settlement for some families whose housing dEvelopment was built on an old methane field."
House, Toxic exposure to methane could explain this.
Sidney, [happy] I surf?
Jay, You stopped before we met. You've been too busy.
Sidney, [puzzled] And we're married?
Jay, Yes.
Alvie," All right, it's nothing personal. Bet she didn't think you were her type back when you first met either."
House," We'll take her back to the hospital, test her blood and urine and start treatment."
Sidney, Oh! I'm all right.
House, What happened?
Sidney, I don't know. My foot suddenly went numb.
Alvie, Her pants are wet.
House, Urinary incontinence. [He checks Sidney's eyes.] She's having complex partial seizures. This isn't methane. And you can leave the bucket. We need to get her to�
Nolan, [voice over] Seizures? [back in the office] This is the second diagnosis you've come up with that has a personal resonance for you.
House, I'm choosing my diagnoses based on personal issues? You think she fell down the stairs and peed her pants 'cause Wilson dumped her too?
Nolan," You're choosing to tell me about this case, so let's look at it. First you were fixated on a harmful toxin from her past, possibly because you're worried about a harmful toxin from your own past."
House, Chase had the toxin idea. Maybe he's obsessed with my past.
Nolan," And""�and now you're talking about a seizure disorder?"
House, Which is also not a toxin.
Nolan," But which is most likely caused by an old injury to the brain. Wh""�why do you see your past as such a threat?"
House," Not only am I unthreatened by it, I was trying to get it back."
House, There's a ding mark.
Dutch, It's a piece of junk. It was dinged when it came in.
House," Sure, the""�the cup marks and the scuffs and the paint and those three Parkps. This fourth one's new."
Dutch," I run a pawn shop, not a storage company. Do you want it or not?"
Alvie, That should be it.
House, You said you pawned five books. There's only four.
Alvie, That's all there is.
House," Where's ""Approach to the Acute Abdomen""�?"
Dutch, Sold it.
House, To?
Dutch," I can't tell you. It's a law, and should be. Crazy bastards like you try to hunt down their stuff."
House, How much for the pile?
Dutch, $500.
House, [stunned] You said it was junk.
Dutch," No, no. It's your junk. You want it. $500. Take it or leave it."
Nolan, Why is it so important that you get your stuff back?
House, Unlike the rest of huManity! Who's okay when their belongings are taken. Everyone wants their stuff. That's why it's their stuff.
Nolan, Everyone doesn't pay five times what it's worth.
House, I like my stuff. I hate it when Wilson moves it�
Nolan, Oh!
House," This is not about Wilson! [He slams his fist on the table, causing the carafe and glasses to jump. Nolan tilts his head and looks at House. House sits for a minute then taps on the table, breaking his mood.] Say it."
Nolan, I wasn't gonna say anything.
House," 31, 31! Hike!"
Alvie, First down!
House," One more, you get a touchdown."
Alvie, Whoo!
House, Hike!
Alvie," Huh! [House, holding the ball, goes to open the door.] House, you can't run for the touchdown."
House, And! hike!
Nolan," [voice over] Wait, wait, wait. Wait. [Alvie freezes in midair, having just caught the ball. Cut to Nolan's office.] You seriously thought you were gonna tell me that Wilson showed up but not tell me what he said?"
House," Because I thought you were a smart guy who didn't need the obvious spelled out to him. Wilson noticed that I didn't come to my office all day. He came to find me, wanted to make sure I'm okay � boring, boring, boring."
Nolan," Um, but you thought it was important to tell me about Nerf football? [House stares at him, unamused.] Sorry. Your story. Continue."
Alvie," House, House, stop! Stop, stop, stop."
House, You okay?
Alvie, Yeah. It was my mother's. She died when I was four. It's all I have left.
House," That's very sad, Alvie. Listen, I set up an immigration hearing."
Alvie," No, House, I'm gonna end up in jail or worse � the Dominican or someplace. Que se yo. Que no."
Nolan," Um, interesting. You present yourself as, uh, not giving a damn about other people's emotions, but your actions indiCate otherwise. You dismiss Alvie's story about his mother, but you cared enough to schedule a hearing."
House, I cared for eight seconds. Then I got distracted.
House, Yeah.
Taub, [voice over] We've kept the Patient up for 12 hours now. No hint of seizure-like activity. We should shut this down.
House," Try a stRobe light, add more stress."
Taub, [voice over] I think there's plenty of stress in here.
Sidney, Don't we Ever do anything but work?
Jay, You run.
Sidney," That's just more work. What about fun? God, how can we be this boring?"
Taub," [puts the phone back to his ear] Apparently, without her memory, the Patient's personality has returned to what you might call its ""natural state.""�"
House, Seems she had a wake-up call while she was at college. Her brother died in a car accident. She decided to make her life mean something. Went to law school. Now that's all gone.
Nolan, The thing that caused the change is gone! So the change itself is gone.
House, Yeah. I knew the psychological aspects of this case would interest you. Bet you got a theory already. What is it?
Nolan, It's not relevant.
House, [deliberately] What is it?
Nolan, Why do you care about my theory?
House," I think he just! bores her. She's at an earlier stage of dEvelopment. She's looking at her grown-up future, and it puts her to sleep."
Nolan," If he just bored her, she'd hide it to be polite. Their pRoblem is synchronicity. Just like you and me, House, they're not on the same page. He talks to her like someone he shares history with. But from her point of view, he's a stranger forcing intimacy on her. Of course she doesn't like him. He's not helping. He can feel he's losing his wife, and it makes him come on stronger."
House, He almost did lose his wife.
Foreman, The breathing pRoblem was caused by fluid overload in the lungs.
Thirteen, Diabetes insipidus.
Taub, And the D.I. came from damage to the hypothalamus.
House," [pointing to the image on the monitor] Hypothalamus here, hence the D.I. and incontinence. The Amygdala here, hence the global amnesia. And the motor cortex �that's the foot paralysis. What do they all have in common?"
Nolan," [voice over. House turns toward the voice] Okay, now you're just doing this to mess with me. [cut to Nolan's office] What possible relevance does this differential have to your pRoblems?"
House, It ends with a diagnosis of spongiform encephalitis. I convinced the team to cut out part of this Woman's brain. That's not interesting to you?
Nolan, No. [He has his hand over his face and he sounds weary.]
House, Not Even if it's the Amygdala? She'll lose all her long-term memory.
Nolan," Well, this is where you tell me that being cavalier with someone else's past has nothing to do with avoiding your own past. The case is irrelevant. You just found it, uh! interesting."
House, [rubbing at his scalp with his fingertips as if he's washing his hair] Aren't therapists supposed to be nurturing?
Nolan," Nowhere! is that in the Manual. Look, you""�you've been in therapy for a year. You know when I ask you to talk about anything, I mean anything that affects you �what upset you, what made you mad or reliEved or joyful. You want me to beliEve that this case means nothing? Then, um! why should I listen to it?"
House, Are you charging me for this time?
Nolan, [not looking up] Yes.
House, This is ridiculous.
Nolan, What's that? On the back of your arm?
House, It's just a bruise. And I fell.
Nolan, You remember falling?
House, No. I was drunk! Hence the balance issues. [He reaches for his jacket.]
Nolan," Well, it looks like you fell on the tip of someone's boot."
House, I said something that someone objected to.
Nolan," Well, if you don't remember, then how can you�"
House," It's usually the way it is when someone hits me. People who kick when you're down are jerks, but they're generally not irrational jerks."
Nolan," You got drunk enough to get into a bar fight and not remember, and you've been insisting that Everything's fine? W""�why""�why go out and get blind drunk? Were you looking for a fight?"
House, I don't know.
Nolan, [closing the magazine] What have you screwed up?
House, [puzzled] What?
Nolan," You say that when you've been hit in the past, it's because you provoked it with something that you said, which means you're well aware of the risks. So on some lEvel, you were in that bar looking for someone to hurt you. Logically, people punish themselves for something they did or something they didn't do. So what! did you screw up?"
House," [thinks, then shakes his head. speaks quietly] I don't know. [long pause] Okay, there may be a pRoblem."
Nolan, All right! Let's talk about Wilson.
Wilson, I told him your book was contaminated with Anthrax spores. Then I gave him $300. [holds up a slip of paper] The address of the buyer. [pause] Maybe I was hasty in asking you to move out. Why don't you stay with me and Sam for a little while? There's no need to hurry things.
House, What prompted this?
Wilson," Look, the whole idea was that after Mayfield, you wouldn't be on your own. I can touch base with you a lot more easily if you're staying with me than�"
House," [grabbing the address] God's sake, Wilson. You really span the chasm from wishy to washy. If you're gonna be an ass, be an ass. Stick with it."
Nolan," Why were you being so hard on the guy, when he was being conciliatory?"
House, Come on. Cuddy played on his guilt. She put him up to this.
Nolan, How do you know that? How do you know this wasn't entirely his own idea?
House," Two reasons � first, he wants to create the perfect environment to be with Sam. He's been thinking about asking me to leave for a while. Finally he does it and immediately turns around and changes his mind? No. He talked to somebody."
Nolan, Maybe it was Sam.
House," [voice over] Yeah, that's a possibility."
Wilson, I want this to be the last serious relationship I Ever have. I want this to be the one.
Sam," Me too. [They kiss again.] Where's House? It's not as meaningful without him. [She breaks the hug, plants both hands on his chest and pushes him away, hard.]"
Nolan," Okay, um! Not Sam. Uh, that still doesn't answer why Cuddy."
House," Because they've been talking about me. She called me to check on the Patient, which she nEver does without a reason. I asked why, and she said!"
Cuddy," She's a barracuda attorney, House. These are the kind of Patients we like to keep happy."
House, Right now the Patient's lucky if she can spell jurisprudence.
Cuddy," Yeah, but when she gets that memory back, which we are trying to make happen, she'll be able to spell lawsuit. I'm just touParkng base."
House, TouParkng base. Wilson used exactly the same phrase. Colluding about me is their favorite pastime.
Nolan," Okay, you think they talked. How do you think that conversation went?"
Wilson, I'm worried about House.
Cuddy," Me too. Couldn't you have waited? It's way too early for him to be on his own, back in the old apartment. What makes you think he can handle it?"
Wilson, I offered to find him a new place.
Cuddy, [voice over] You have to let him back into your condo.
Wilson, [voice over] Sam and I just got him out of the condo.
Cuddy, You know what House is like. He's self-destructive.
Cuddy," [back on camera] Without constant supervision, he's gonna slide back into drugs. If you're not watParkng him, I've got to."
Wilson, [nodding] Yeah.
Nolan, So they don't trust you. They assume you'll fail. Are these their fears or yours?
Nolan," Let's turn on the lights, Hmm? In your brain. Maybe they did talk about you, but! How do you know it didn't happen like this?"
Wilson, I'm worried about House.
Cuddy, Why?
Wilson, It's the first time he'll be on his own since Mayfield.
Cuddy," Now you're being overprotective. House doesn't need to be wrapped in cotton wool. But you know that, or you wouldn't have asked him to move out."
Wilson," Okay. I guess this is really about me. It's just! I feel like a jerk. Sure, Sam and I are gonna want to be on our own Eventually, but I kind of sprang this on him. The right way would have been to just tell him to take as long as he needed, that there's no hurry."
Cuddy," So it's not what you did, but how you did it."
Wilson, That matters in a friendship. I need to fix this.
Cuddy, Why don't you talk to him about moving back in? Just touch base.
Taub, We're having a consent issue with the Patient.
Nolan, Wait a minute. Taub's not here.
House," Yeah, he is."
Taub, We're having a consent issue with the Patient.
Nolan, What's Taub doing in my imaginary version of a scene with Wilson and Cuddy?
House," Your version needed to be ended, 'cause it's crap. It's all sweetness and light and! faith that I'm gonna choose the right path. Yeah, that sounds like Wilson."
Nolan, I have as much evidence for mine as you do for yours. I know Wilson's your friend. So he could be wondering if he did right by you. And I know he wouldn't have asked you to move out in the first place unless he was convinced you could handle life on your own.
House, And I know that he and Cuddy have gone behind my back before to strategize about the House pRoblem.
Nolan, So there's truth in both versions. But you choose to focus on the parts that make you uncomfortable. So! [leans forward] Why are you and Wilson! friends? Do you think this friendship is the best you can do?
House, Wilson is not a consolation prize.
Nolan," There! You're defending him. And a minute ago, he was skulking around in the background like some sort of Manipulative Iago."
House, [glowering] He's my friend.
Nolan, So what do you value in him?
House," [thinks] I can say whatEver I want to him, and he'll nEver leave."
Nolan," He's sort of leaving. At least, he won't be around as much! because he's putting Sam first."
House," For now. After the divorce, he'll pRobably ask me to move in again. I take the long view."
Nolan, You say that to Wilson?
House, Are you kidding? That's the kind of remark that leads people to hit you.
Nolan," Uh, maybe you've been right from the beginning. Maybe this isn't about Wilson."
House, You say that now that I finally agree with you? Do you just argue the opposite of whatEver I say?
Nolan," I don't mean the Wilson thing doesn't, uh, bother you, uh, but it sounds like he's the closest you can come to a safe relationship. You'd have to do something major to screw it up. Um, what""�what else have you been involved in this week? What would you want to punish yourself for?"
House," [thinking] I told you, I don't know."
Nolan," Okay, um, let's approach it from a different angle. Have you gotten any other people angry at you over anything?"
House," Well, yeah. That's why I called it an ordinary week."
Nolan, Okay. Tell me about it.
Jay, You'd be losing a part of your brain.
Sidney, It is my brain. Why is it not my right to consent?
Jay," I'm sorry, but! I'll take this to court if necessary. All right, Sidney's in no position to make decisions about herself right now. She doesn't Even know who she is."
Sidney," I read your consent form, and I understood it. I want the surgery."
Jay, Why wouldn't she? Of course she's willing to risk losing her memories perManently. She has no idea how important those memories are. Does she Even know what risk is? She's nEver lost anything.
House," Without the surgery, she'll lose Everything. The prion infection will continue to advance and destroy her whole brain."
Jay," Well, there has to be another way. Please. I'm speaking for my wife, the wife I lived with for four years who isn't here and can't defend herself. [House turns and stares at a monitor.] Dr. House, are you listening?"
House," Well, you can stop arguing, 'cause it doesn't matter anymore. Look at the variability in the heart rate. The S.E. has spread into the brain stem."
Sidney," W""�wherEver it is, you""�you can still cut it out."
Taub, No. We can't cut the brain stem.
House," This thing's moving too quickly. Surgery's no longer an option, which I guess means you've won. Congratulations. [to Taub] Put in a pacer and start her on chemo and radiation. It won't cure her, but it'll buy a couple weeks so she can find out who she is before she dies."
Nolan, That was pretty rough Do you always break the news to your Patients that way? Or were you short-handing it for me?
House, Husband was being an idiot.
Nolan," Well, he was asking for it. But, um, to punish him you have to punish the wife too. Why""�why did he make you so angry, Hmm? Because he didn't want to cooperate with you?"
House, He'd rather risk his wife's life than their marriage. People's brains stop working when they think they're gonna lose someone they love.
Nolan, Your leg hurt?
House, It's all right.
Nolan, Okay. Anyone else you pissed off?
House, 50 bucks for the book.
Harris, Forget it.
House, You paid $25. That's 100% return.
Harris," That's what I paid. But it's a rare surgical text, nearly 100 years old � plates in mint condition. That book's worth sEveral thousand dollars."
House," $2,000. I'll write you a check."
Harris," Nice try. Face it � I had the wit to recognize something valuable when I saw it. In the great Darwinian race, I get my just reward. You become road kill."
Alvie," Yo, House, you want to stop by the library? 'Cause I got a book to return. Ta-ka-plow! [He pulls the book from under his shirt. As House takes it, Alvie raps]"
House, Anyone see you?
Alvie," Yeah, prof saw me walking down the driveway. He said the roses need more fertilizer."
Alvie, I didn't know there was a section of the brain just for hope.
House," It's very, very tiny."
Taub, [enters] We used fluoroscopy to guide pacemaker placement in the Patient's heart.
Alvie, Hello. [He cheerfully joins House and Taub at the desk.]
Taub," [to Alvie, noncommittal] Hello. [to House] Rapidly progressive dilated cardiomyopathy. This isn't S.E., and whatEver it is, it's not just in her brain. It's attacking her whole body."
Alvie, You work for House? I guess we're teammates. Isn't that cool?
Taub, [uncomfortable] Hello.
Durkee, Juan Alvarez?
Alvie, What the hell?
Durkee, We're taking you into custody � deportation order.
Alvie, I'm a citizen. You're disrespecting Puerto Rico.
Durkee," If you're a citizen, why'd you miss your hearing?"
Alvie, You called them?
Taub, What's going on?
Foreman, We're trying to stabilize her heart. She's still tachy and hypotensive.
House," Brain, heart, and rapidly progressing."
Thirteen, [voice over] Endocarditis � slow-moving infection in her heart throws clots to her brain.
Alvie, [turning his head toward House just a bit] I'm not talking to you. How could you turn me in?
Chase," [Voice over] Her extreme exercise suppresses her immune system, [cut to Diagnostics] allows the infection to smolder."
House, [voice over] Or allows an old infection to reactivate it � TB. [cut to courtroom] Start her on a multidrug regimen.
Alvie," I don't like you, House. [looking back at House] I hate you."
Taub, [voice over] Even I.V. Antibiotics will take time to work.
Court Officer, A gentle reminder � the use of cell phones is prohibited.
House, Give her the first dose directly into the lungs in the O.R.
Court Officer, Before the less gentle arrest for contempt.
House, Put her in an isolation room with U.V. light. And get yourselves tested. You've all been exposed.
Court Officer, Docket number 4378.
Public Defender, You are?
House," I am Mr. Alvarez's doctor. [He hands her a sheet of paper, which she unfolds and reads.]"
Public Defender," Your honor, DNA evidence proving the matriarchal lineage of Juan Alvarez. [She approaches the bench.]"
Alvie, My mother's DNA was still on that cross?
House, It could be.
Alvie, You faked it? [He jumps on House to hug him.] It wasn't just me. You lied to them too!
House, I'm better at it than you are.
Alvie," I'm gonna repaint your whole apartment now, make the drapes match the carpet now!"
Chase, Lungs sound wet. O-2 sats are dropping.
Foreman, May need to tube her. Grab some I.V. furosemide.
House," Wait, wait."
Foreman, She's crashing.
Chase, We need to get her on a vent.
House, There's something on her ankle. [He touches her leg]
Foreman, Tattoo.
Chase," ""Eddie would go."" It's a surfing phrase. Must be from her earlier life."
House," She tried to get it removed, but they only took off the top layers of skin. The ink is still in the deeper layers. [cut to Nolan's office] Set off an allergic reaction. She was fine until she started the long-distance running. The ultra-marathoning modified her immune system, set off the allergic reaction. We did a full thickness skin graft, and she'll be okay."
Nolan, So you were right! in the end. It was her past. Did she get her memory back?
House, [voice over] Not yet.
Nolan, Will she?
House, No way to know.
Sidney, I think roses are my favorite. But I guess I told you that at some point.
Jay, I don't remember.
Nolan," He's treating her as though they just met. He's courting her. Whose idea was that? [House walks off, quickly.] He was doing the opposite of Everything he should. Suddenly he's changed."
House, Taub thought it might�
Nolan," [following House down the hall] That was your idea. And you asked me what I thought was going on between them. It's their relationship that's on your mind. That's why you've been thinking about this case � relationships. Lost one with Wilson, gained one with Alvie."
House, Not exactly.
House, Alvie?
Nolan, [voice over] You gonna tell me what the note said?
House, [putting the note down] Alvie was very grateful that I'd gotten him out of trouble. It allowed him to go stay with his cousin in Phoenix without worrying about immigration looking for him there.
Nolan, You didn't think he was gonna stay forEver.
House, No.
Nolan, What happened next?
House, [voice over] Nothing happened next.
House, That's all I got.
Nolan," [thinking, sighs] Relationships."
House, BergMan. [shrugs] What do you want me to say?
Nolan, I don't know. You're the one who set the theme � something about relationships made you go out and provoke a fight. Wilson and Sam have a relationship. You're not thrilled about it.
House," They're happy. Why should I screw that up? Everyone's happy. Everyone's moving in together � Wilson and Sam, Cuddy and Lucas. Even Alvie's�"
Nolan, Cuddy and Lucas are moving in together? You didn't mention that.
House, They talked about moving in together before. It's not big news.
Nolan," Cuddy! [He gets up.] Cuddy. ""Approach to the Acute Abdomen""�! [He types something into his computer.] Written by Ernest T. Cuddy, M.D. Any relation to your Cuddy?"
House, Her great-grandfather. I've had it for years! Always meant to give it to her for a special occasion.
Nolan, Like her! Housewarming?
House, It's just a gift.
Nolan," A Woman you care about is taking one step further away from you and closer to someone else? I""�I think I can safely say yes, it's significant if you don't mention it. You were willing to punish the husband of your Patient because you identified with him. He was also losing someone he loved."
House," I'm not gonna go out and get hammered because a Woman I'm not Even with is moving in with someone. That'd be pathetic. To hell with this. When I first came to you, I told you that I wanted to be happy, and I followed your advice. And instead, I'm just miserable. How is this working for me?"
Nolan, It takes time.
House," For a year, I've done Everything you've asked, and Everybody else is happy. I run on my treadmill. You just sit there and watch. You're a faith healer. You take advantage of people who want to beliEve. But there's nothing in your bag of tricks."
Nolan, House!
House," WhatEver the answer is, you don't have it."
Cuddy, A crane collapsed in downtown Trenton.
House," (looking down and sideways, but not at Cuddy) Don't care."
Cuddy," (recognizing the author, Ernest T. Cuddy) My great-grandfather."
House," No, it's just a book he wrote. Open it up."
Cuddy," Seriously, you're giving this to us?"
House, It's a big step you're taking. I wanted to congratulate you. I understand that's the adult thing to do.
Cuddy, How did you know?
House, I've known for a while. The fact that you decided to cohabitate is not exactly a spoiler. Unless my intel is wrong.
House, Trouble in paradise?
Cuddy, (quickly putting up her hair and ignoring the question) We have to get to Trenton.
House, (shining a light into the eyes of a young Woman with blood running down her face) Can you hear me?
Young Woman, Hmm?
House, (to Cuddy) That sound like a yes?
Cuddy," Sir, we have to get you to the O.R. You have a bad wound, but we're gonna pack it and transport you as fast as we can."
House, (to the worker recording the decisions of the triage doctors) Skull fracture. Glasgow coma score of 11. She's immediate.
House, Move on. This guy's dead.
Cuddy, His wounds aren't so�
House, (pulling off his latex gloves) Forget the wound. Look at his toes. Atherosclerotic emboli. He'll nEver survive the surgery.
Cuddy, Maybe his shoes were too tight.
House," It's not the shoes. Skin shows smoker's facies. He's not gonna make it till morning. He'll just take up an ambulance ride, surgeon's time, and an ICU bed."
Cuddy, (to the emergency worker) He's expectant. Leave him.
Jay, I only nodded off for a second. I lost control of the load. I'm so sorry.
Foreman, Don't worry. We're gonna get you outta here.
Jay, I'm sorry.
Foreman, He's secure.
EMT," Ready? Three, two, one."
Foreman," (to House) Crane operator. Made it through amazingly well. Lucid and responsive. Stable fracture, right humerus. Haven't gotten to his lower half yet."
House, (to Jay) Tell me when something hurts.
Jay," I fell asleep, killed all those people."
House," Something other than your conscience. Is that a pill in your pocket, or are you just happy to have a tiny pill-shaped penis?"
House, Caffeine pills. You fell asleep taking these?
Jay, I drank two cups of coffee too.
House, Is that normal for you?
Jay," No, I hate coffee. I'm working on no sleep. My daughter has the flu."
House," (to Foreman) This much caffeine for a coffee virgin. There's no way he fell asleep. He passed out. Which means a neurological disorder caused the crash, not fatigue. (yelling to Cuddy) Hey. We're taking the crane operator back to Princeton."
Cuddy, They said he was barely hurt � he can wait.
House, (to Foreman) Steal an ambulance. And call the team. Tell 'em we got a case.
Cuddy, (coming over to talk to him) House. No! I need you here.
House, Well he needs me there. And he moans louder than you do.
Cuddy, There were over 100 people in that building. Only 76 have been accounted for. Foreman and your team can handle the crane operator for now.
Wilson, (talking to House on his phone) Having fun down there?
House," Lots! Every time Cuddy leans over a Patient, it's another opportunity for a down blouse nip slip. What's going on between her and Lucas?"
Wilson, Besides them moving in together? That's not enough for you?
House," I gave her the Housewarming gift earlier. And she paused for a split second, like she was hiding something."
Wilson, It's pRobably her moral revulsion at Housewarming gifts.
House, Or maybe she didn't want to accept a gift for something she wasn't gonna do.
Wilson, You actually think they're not moving in together?
Wilson, What was that? You okay?
House, (reaParkng into the maParkne and pulling out a drink) Yeah. Vending maParkne collapsed.
House, She still using your ex-wife as a realtor?
Wilson, As far as I know.
House," Well, know a little farther, will you? Look into it."
House, Hey! There's somebody down here!
Captain McCreaney," If you can hear me, tap three times, or call out. Is anyone there?"
Captain McCreaney, I'm not getting anything.
House, (who has acquired a flashlight) I heard something � there's gotta be a void down there.
Captain McCreaney, There's a million voids down there. It was the Parking garage. But equipment hasn't picked up any movement. Dogs haven't picked up any scent.
House, There's smashed cars down there. The gasoline throw off their scent?
Captain McCreaney," Look, we gotta get back to work, okay? We'll get to this area soon. Excuse me."
House, Anybody hear me? Hey! Anybody hear me?
House, Aah! Oh...
Hanna, Help me. (she groans)
House, (brushing her free of Debris) What's your name?
Hanna, (coughing) Please...my husband's gift. I was supposed to pick it up at the framers. It's on Elm.
House," Well, you should have told me earlier. I could have picked it up on the way. What's your name?"
Hanna, It's a picture from our Tortola trip. For his birthday.
House, I'm not asking your name because I wanna become friends. I'm trying to gauge your mental state.
Hanna, Hanna.
House," Okay, that's a start. What day of the week is it?"
Hanna, Tuesday.
House, Better still.
Hanna, What happened?
House," You know that giant construction crane next door? It's kind of on top of you right now. Okay, I'm gonna try to pull you out."
Hanna, Ow! My leg! Oh! Oh! Oh! (she whimpers)
House," Okay, okay."
House, Whew! I'm gonna need to get help.
Hanna," No, stay! Someone else will come."
House, No one knows I'm down here.
Hanna, Please! Stay with me. Don't leave me in the dark.
House, I'll be right back.
Hanna, (yelling) No! Don't leave me in the dark! Please stay! (she whimpers)
Foreman, He's still in the ER House. We haven't had time to start a differential.
House," Perfect! Let's start right now. Put me on speaker. (shouting, to be heard over the noise of the saw) What causes syncope?"
Taub, Your guy's stable. The two dozen other Patients�
House, Who don't need to be diagnosed. They just need to be bandaged. What causes syncope?
Chase, Vasovagal reaction...
Foreman," Meningioma, sick sinus syndrome."
Taub," Or you're wrong, and he just fell asleep."
House, How's he gonna sleep with 50 cups of coffee going through his veins?
Taub, Were you nEver a medical resident?
House," I hear ten, elEven, and twelve. Where's Thirteen?"
Foreman, She's not here. And the answer to your next question is no. I don't know
House, Do you have the answer to my question after that? Space-occupying lesion in his brain is most likely. MRI will prove I'm right.
Taub, Or it'll just prove he suffered head trauma from the crash.
House, Which we'd wanna find anyway. Two birds with one scan. Do it.
EMT, Having trouble finding a vein for Hanna's IV.
House, She getting weaker? Paler?
EMT," No, no. She's stable."
House," That means her blood loss in minimal. Buys us some time. Get the IV into her tibia. It's almost hollow, feeds into the venous system. (The EMT stares at him blankly) Which, they obviously don't teach you in EMT school."
House, Told ya I'd be back.
House, (unzipping the medical kit) Heard you might be thirsty.
Captain McCreaney, Ahhh...
House, (to the Captain) I assume that bodes well for the rescue?
Captain McCreaney, Structural beam. High compression concrete. I can't break it up.
Hanna, You can't get me outta here?
Captain McCreaney, Naw. Just means we gotta move on to a different piece of equipment. I got airbags comin' in that'll lift 70 tons.
Hanna, What's your name?
House, You testing my mental state?
Hanna, I'm gonna be stuck down here for a while. I'd like somebody to talk to.
House," Look, the guy who just left is the one who's gonna be holding your hand through all this. You talk to him."
House, Little pinch.
Hanna, (sitting up and crying out in pain) Aah! Oh! Ow!
House, Okay. Big pinch.
Hanna, I gotta call my husband. Can I use your phone?
House," Uh, no bars down here. L'chaim."
Hanna, Where are you going?
House, Don't worry. Fire marshal Bill will be back soon.
House, So I hope I didn't weird you out giving you that gift.
Cuddy, (continuing to roll and wrap the bandage) Can we talk about this later?
House," Of course. (He pauses briefly) Is now later? Maybe things aren't going so well with Lucas. If so, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to step into anything."
Cuddy, There's no pRoblems. We're doing just great.
Cuddy, (to the other Woman) Thank you.
House, So why the weirdness?
Cuddy," (motioning to another doctor) Can you help? (She pulls House aside and takes off her gloves) When I opened it, I didn't think it was a Housewarming gift. I thought it was an engagement present. (House looks stunned) It just happened last night."
House, No wonder you wanna hide this from me... Since I'm such a deliCate flower.
Cuddy, I didn't know what to say. And I've been slightly distracted.
House," That might make sense, 'cept you're not wearing the ring. (The camera cuts back to a closeup shot) So...You are hiding it, which begs the question�"
Cuddy, (putting her hands on his arms and speaking to him as if her were a Parkld) House...It's in my office drawer because I knew I was coming here. It's not weird. There's no mystery. I'm just getting married.
Captain McCreaney, (approaParkng quickly) 'Scuse me.
Jay, (speaking from inside the MRI maParkne) How much longer?
Taub," Uh, less than a minute. Are you in any pain?"
Jay," Nothing new. Just a little claustrophobic. Shouldn't you be taking care of those other people, the ones that I hurt?"
Chase, Everything checks out okay.
Jay, My nose is bleeding.
Chase," It's expected, given the trauma you've sustained."
Taub, (pointing) That's not expected. (There is also blood seeping from Jay's right eye)
Captain McCreaney," The way things fell, this support beam is now holding up a giant pile of rubble. We can't lift it without jeopardizing Everyone down here. So it's time to discuss amputation."
Hanna, (vehemently) No.
Cuddy, (to Hanna) Please listen to me. You've been down here almost two hours. By the time they clear away the rubble�
House, (Interrupting) We are not cutting off her leg. (to Hanna) You don't have to rush through this to make his job easier. (He motions toward the captain)
Captain McCreaney, You kidding me?
Cuddy," We leave the leg pinned, we're risking crush syndrome."
Hanna, What's that?
Cuddy, Your leg isn't getting enough circulation. The longer it's pinned the more the muscle dies.
Hanna," So what does that mean, like a limp?"
Cuddy," Dying muscles release poisons. We free your leg, the poisons rush back into your system. It could stop your heart."
House, So could cheeseburgers. (to Captain McCreaney) Let's get your lazy friends to start moving that pile. She's got two more hours before crush syndrome could possibly set in.
Captain McCreaney, We're digging up there by hand. I can't guarantee I can get 10 tons of Debris pulled off in two hours.
Hanna," Well, you need to try. It's my leg."
Captain McCreaney," (to Hanna) It's not just crush syndrome you gotta worry about, okay? There's gas leaks. There's fire. We can nEver rule out secondary collapses, no matter how much we shore this thing up."
House," You think chopping off someone's limb inside a pile of dirty rocks is safe? Sepsis, fat embolism, a hemorrhage."
Captain McCreaney, Those risks are nothing compared to the risk of this thing coming down again.
Cuddy," Captain, he's a jerk. But it's what the Patient wants. Can we please just give it a couple more hours?"
Captain McCreaney," (sighing, he answers softly) Yeah. (He moves away)"
Cuddy, I gotta get up to triage.
Hanna," Thank you, doctor?"
House, House. You don't need to thank me. It just makes sense.
Hanna, Just promise me you won't let them cut off my leg.
House, (crossing his fingers) I promise. Does that make you feel better?
Hanna," For some reason, it does."
Hanna, Your phone is working down here.
House, (flipping open his phone) Switched carriers. Better rollover minutes. (into the phone) Talk.
Foreman," (talking to House on the phone from the diagnostics conference room) MRI was clean, but afterwards, he started bleeding out of his eyes and nose."
House, So there was something wrong before the collapse.
Taub, Unless it's just conjunctive coagulopathy from the trauma.
House," Yeah, yeah, yeah � you don't think he was sick before. We get it! You're wrong."
Chase, Brain infection?
Thirteen, (entering the conference room) Sorry I'm late.
House, (to Thirteen) Where were you?
Thirteen, Physical therapy. I left my phone in my locker.
Chase," The infection causes neurological symptoms, goes systemic, and D.I.C. causes the bleed."
House, Good theory. Except for the part that there's no fEver. Get an X-ray venogram. See if you can find a reason for your existence. Also look for venous sinus thrombosis.
Foreman, Would have seen it on the MRI.
House, Not if you were too busy not looking for it.
Thirteen, We should X-ray for a facial fracture first. This could all be simple trauma.
House, Just do what I tell you. Be back in ten minutes. (He disconnects the call)
Hanna, You're leaving?
House, There's a dozen people here who can save you. I'm apparently the only one who can save this other guy.
Hanna," W""�wait! Don't go. (She whimpers, looking scared)"
Cuddy, Hanna's freaking out. She's having a panic attack. She can't breathe. She's gonna rip out all her IVs.
House, (zipping up his jacket) So calm her down.
Cuddy, She wants you.
House, I'm flattered. Give her oxygen. (He starts up the bike engine)
Cuddy," They won't let O2 down there. Fear of explosion. You have to go back. She needs you, House. (He turns off the bike engine and grabs his cane)"
Hanna, You only came back because I freaked out. Right?
House, Not at all. I just realized how... big and scary the world is and how cozy and safe this little place is. (He takes off his leather jacket)
Hanna, Thank you. I'm sorry I needed you.
House, Here. Call your husband.
Hanna, (into the phone) Charlie? I'm here in... They called you? They're helping me. Are you coming? (breathing hard) I don't know how this could happen. It's your birthday. I'm so sorry.
House," See? This is why I lied about the phone. Your BP is spiking, so you're bleeding faster from your leg wound. I'm gonna have less time to save it. Hang up."
Hanna," Okay. (to Charlie) Okay, they're telling me I have to go."
House, That was stupid of me.
Hanna, It was nice.
House, I don't see that as a contradiction.
Hanna," He was already on his way. He was in Baltimore, and they all saw it on the news. How Many people were hurt?"
House, What did I tell you about not raising your blood pressure?
Hanna, Can I ask what's wrong with your leg?
House, Crane fell on it. (Hanna laughs) Small world.
Hanna, (smiling) You could have just said no.
House, I'll remember that for my next huMan contact.
Hanna, Would you pray with me?
House, No. I'm not in the habit of encouraging my Patients' superstitions.
Hanna, How is that a habit? You plan on getting trapped under a building again?
House, I don't beliEve in God.
Hanna, I don't either. Please?
Hanna," I always thought... If I did the right thing, if I treated people right, then good things would happen to me. You think that's how it works?"
House, I didn't use to. Then recently I tried... Now I don't know.
Captain McCreaney, Good news.
Taub, Advancing catheter through interior jugular vein. You told House you were at therapy.
Thirteen, Did you transcribe the entire meeting? Entering the cavernous sinus.
Taub, Your therapy's on Thursdays.
Thirteen, Got rescheduled. Injecting dye.
Taub, Really? I'm not gonna rat you out. We're friends. I Just wanna make sure you're okay.
Thirteen, (looking at the monitor) No filling defects. Don't worry. I'm okay.
Hanna, (to House) You think we can be friends when I get outta here?
House, Yeah. We'll catch a ball game or... group sex show or something.
Captain McCreaney, (handing House a wedge of wood) Put the cribbing in there.
House," Okay, now when the beam starts lifting, you're gonna feel pain. It's gonna be like your foot's gone to sleep times a billion. You'll notice that I'm waiting till now to tell you."
Captain McCreaney, All right. We're ready.
Captain McCreaney, Lifting.
Hanna, I'm feeling the pain already.
House, That's good. That means the pressure's coming off. Much closer to getting out of here.
Hanna, Aah!
House, Come on. Pull her out.
House, Come on!
Hanna, It's moving!
Captain McCreaney, Pull!
Hanna, Aahhh!
House, Hanna! Hanna! What the hell happened?
Captain McCreaney," I think the adjacent beam snapped during the lift. (He calls for help on his radio) Mayday, mayday, mayday! We had a secondary collapse. We're all right. How are you guys?"
Radio Answer," Rescue one, copy the mayday. Main tunnel is fine. Rescue's on the way."
Captain McCreaney, Lift this up.
House," One, two, three�"
House, Kit. Gimme the kit.
Captain McCreaney, All right.
House," No breath sounds on the left side. Tension pneumothorax. Okay, Hanna."
Hanna, Uh...(coughs)
Captain McCreaney, (to House) Hey. You better get back up top and make sure you didn't nick an artery.
House, (holding Hanna's hand for a second) I'm gonna have to go.
Captain McCreaney, (to Hanna) It's okay. You're all right.
Cuddy, (bandaging his shoulder) You're lucky this isn't worse.
House, You know who's Even luckier? You and just about Every other huMan being (His cell phone rings) who wasn't down there.
House, (answering the phone) What did the venogram say?
Thirteen, Clean. Now the guy's starting to spike a fEver.
Taub, Subarachnoid bleed.
Foreman, Meningitis?
Chase, He didn't say his neck was sore.
House, That's 'cause Everything's sore. He just took a 15-story swan dive into concrete. Do an LP.
Taub, We also have to consider other infections.
House, So you're suggesting we do an LP.
Taub, I guess I am.
House, Genius.
Captain McCreaney," Hey, bad news. Because of the collapse, we can't try the airbag again until we get Everything off the top. Be five, six hours at least."
Cuddy, Then we have to amputate.
House, No.
Cuddy, It's been four hours already. It used to be a long shot. Now it's...crazy.
House, Crush syndrome is basically a buildup of potassium. If we remove potassium�
Cuddy, We're already treating with sodium bicarbonate.
House, But not with glucose and Insulin. We have glucose in the kit. There's gotta be a diabetic here somewhere.
Cuddy, You wanna dose the insulin here in a non-hospital setting? That is insane! It's not worth it.
House," (still rubbing his leg) Really? 'Cause I think I'm the only one here who knows what a leg is worth. And fortunately, you're not the one in charge � he is. And he knows that I'd testify against him if Hanna sues for cutting off a leg without exhausting Every option."
Cuddy, (to the captain) Give us a minute?
Cuddy," I know you're angry, but please don't put her life at risk just to get back at me."
House, Really? (standing up and towering over her) Wow. So this is all about you now.
Cuddy, You took her side against me right after you heard about my engagement.
House, Yeah. That must be it. It's not that you're a pathetic narcissist.
Cuddy, I don't love you. So just... accept it and move on with your life instead of making Everyone miserable.
House, That's great. A life lesson from a middle-age single mom who's dating a Man-Parkld.
Cuddy, Screw you. I'm sick of making excuses for you. I'm sick of other people having to tiptoe around you and make their own lives worse while they try to keep you from collapsing. I'm done. (She walks away from him)
House, (calling after her) Fantastic. Just stay away from my Patient.
Cuddy," (turning around and coming back toward him) What are you clinging to, House? You're gonna risk her life just to save her leg? Really worked out well for you, didn't it? What do you have in your life, honestly? Tell me. I'm moving on. Wilson is moving on. And you... You've got nothing, House, nothing. I'm going down there, and I'm gonna convince her to let me cut her leg off. If you have any decency left, you'll stay out of it."
Hanna, No. Dr. House promised.
Cuddy, If there was any other way...
Hanna, It doesn't hurt right now. I can wait.
Hanna, (seeing him) Dr. House. Tell her.
House," Hanna... We have to amputate your leg. (Cuddy looks up at him, surprised)"
Hanna, No. You said... that there was time.
House, There was. And it's run out.
Hanna, No.
House," You asked me how I'd hurt my leg. I had a blood clot, and the muscle was dying. And I had all these doctors telling me I should amputate, and I said no, and they did this... very risky operation. I almost died."
Hanna, (shivering) But you saved your leg.
House, I wish I hadn't.
House," They cut out a chunk of muscle about the size of my fist, and they left me with this, mutilated, useless thing. I'm in pain... Every day. It changed me. Made me a harder person, a worse person. And now... Now I'm alone. You don't want to be like me. You've got a husband who loves you. You have friends. You can start a family. You have a life. And this... This is just a leg."
Hanna, (after a lengthy pause) Okay.
House," I got it. (He picks up the amputation kit, taking responsibility for the amputation upon himself)"
House, I can't put you out. It could depress your respiration too much. This should take away some of the pain. (He pushes a drug into her IV)
Hanna, Will it be quick?
House," I'll use a scalpel to slice through the skin, muscle, and fat. That should go pretty fast. Then I'll switch over to the electric saw when I get to the bone. It's two bones... About as thick as a broomstick. Takes about as long to get through. I'm gonna cut as close to the concrete, as I can, save as much of your limb as possible. Then the orthopedic surgeons back at the hospital will clean you up, have you fitted for a prosthetic. You'll be running circles around me in no time."
Hanna, How bad will it hurt?
House, Like nothing you've Ever felt before.
Hanna, (eyes closed and groaning loudly) Aaaaah!
Charlie, Hanna.
Hanna, (smiling) Baby. I'm so sorry.
Charlie, Shut up.
Hanna, You always loved my legs.
Charlie," I don't care about your legs. Baby, I love you. I love you."
Hanna, I love you.
House, (into the phone) What?
Foreman," He's fallen into a coma. LP was clean, but..."
House, What are his vitals?
Taub," Excuse me, Officer."
House," What do you mean, Officer? How long has there been a cop there?"
Thirteen, I don't know. Ten minutes. He was being questioned when he fell into the coma.
House, Was anything else making him nervous or worried before his other symptoms?
Taub, He was claustrophobic right before the bleed and before the fEver. We told him that he pRobably did fall asleep.
House, Was his BP spiking?
Foreman, But that didn't cause his first symptom.
House," Yeah, it did. All the caffeine. We thought the pRoblem was in his toilet � by that, of course, I mean his head. Which distracted us from the fact that it could have been just a clog in his sewer pipe, and by that, of course, I mean his spinal cord. And blah, blah, blah, blah. You get the idea."
Chase, An arachnoid cyst on his lower spine. That's why we missed it. He's been sitting ten hours a day. Spiked his spinal fluid pressure.
House, Run a CT�
EMT, (to House) BP's 72 over 42.
Charlie, Hanna? Hanna?
EMT, Heart rate 148
Hanna, I can't breathe. I can't breathe.
House," Breath sounds bilaterally. It's not another pneumothorax. (He puts his hands on both sides of her neck and turns her head from side to side) Neck vein's flat. There's no tamponade. (to himself) Damn it, I went in too high. (to Hanna) Hanna, you've got a clot in your lung. I'm gonna fix this. (to the EMT) IV streptokinase."
Charlie, What's happening. What's going on?
House, Her body won't get any oxygen unless we can bust the clot. This is a blood thinner.
Charlie, Is she gonna be all right?
House, It's gonna make her bleed more. We'll take care of that next.
House, It's not busting the clot.
EMT, Maybe it's her heart.
Charlie, What?
House, It's not a clot. It's a fat embolism. From the amputation.
Charlie," Okay. So""�so what can we do? Come on. Do something. Please, please, do something. Come on, guys, do something. Come on. Come on. Please, come on, do something! (yelling) Come on, do something! Do something!"
Foreman," There's no way to prEvent a fat embolism. Even if you'd done this in an O.R., you couldn't have saved her."
Foreman, You can't blame yourself for her death. This wasn't your fault.
House, (turning toward Foreman and shouting) That's the point! I did Everything right. She died anyway. Why the hell do you think that would make me feel any better?
Foreman, You shouldn't be alone right now. You're bleeding.
House, (standing up and sounding menacing) I'm gonna give you a task as an employee. Get out of my way.
Taub, What's that?
Thirteen, I'm asking for some time off.
Taub, What's wrong?
Taub, Are you okay?
Thirteen, Obviously not.
House, (inhaling) You going to leap across the room and grab them out of my hand?
Cuddy, No. It's your choice if you want to go back on drugs.
House," Okay. Just so you know, I'm finding it hard to see the downside."
Cuddy, You need to re-bandage your shoulder.
House, Is that why you're here? Foreman sent you?
Cuddy, No.
House, You here to yell at me again?
Cuddy, No.
House," Well, I'm running out of ideas."
Cuddy, Lucas...
House," Oh, great. You're feeling uncomfortable again. PRobably means you just got back from some quickie wedding in Vegas or you're already pregnant."
Cuddy, I ended it.
House, (shocked) What?
Cuddy," I'm stuck, House. (sighing deeply) I keep wanting to move forward. I keep wanting to move on, and I can't. I mean, my new House, with my new fianc�, and all I can think about is you. (exhaling) I just need to know if you and I can work."
House, You think I can fix myself?
Cuddy, I don't know.
House, 'Cause I'm the most screwed-up person in the world.
Cuddy, I know. I love you. (pause) I wish I didn't. But I can't help it.
House, How do I know I'm not hallucinating?
Cuddy, Did you take the Vicodin?
House, Nope.
Cuddy, (smiling sweetly) Then I think we're okay.
House," (also smiling sweetly, yes, sweetly) Yeah."