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+name,line
+House, Pericardial effusion.
+Taub, Which wasn't there last night when we did the PET scan.
+Foreman," She's getting worse, and there's no sign of a pheochromocytoma. Seizures, sweating, rapid blood pressure, and an effusion point to something viral."
+Chase, Or maybe a cancer.
+Foreman," We could use your opinion, House, or at least your attention."
+House, (taking off his glasses and looking up at them) Jack Cannon is not dead. It's worse. Ten books leading up to a final confrontation. She ends it on a cliffhanger. Who does that?
+Taub, People who want to sell you the 11th.
+House," She was gonna kill herself. This is the final Jack Cannon. Nothing gets resolved. Who's his father? Who killed his brother? How'd he get that damn scar on his cheek, and why is he obsessed with yo-yos?"
+Chase, Is there anything in it that pertains to our case?
+House, Yeah. I know why she wanted to kill herself.
+House," His mentor, Helen Rutherford, has contracted a serious illness, which consists of joint pain, fatigue, sensitivity to light, and depression."
+Foreman, How do we know this mentor character's really Alice?
+House, Helen dies halfway through the book. Shoots herself in the head... to save Jack from having to care for her.
+Taub, If we add those to the symptoms we've seen and the pericardial effusion... it's lupus.
+House, Can't be lupus.
+,
+Delaire," Given good! [he flips a page in the file] !ish behavior and 8 of 12 months time served, we have the discretion to grant parole, Friday the 10th, five days from now. [He closes the file, folds his hands on the table and looks directly at House.] Are you sorry about what you did?"
+House, Yes.
+Delaire, Yes?
+House," Well, that's the correct answer, isn't it?"
+Female Case Worker, Are you trying to annoy us?
+House," No, I'm just trying to give you the answers you need to cover your asses, fill out your forms, and let me out of here."
+Female Case Worker, We need you to show us remorse.
+House, Is that how our system works? Release the best actors? I shudder to think what that world would be like.
+Female Case Worker, You drove your car into your ex-girlfriend's House and then fled the country for three months.
+House," I knew that her daughter was at grandma's, like Every Friday, and I saw Everyone else move into the living room."
+Female Case Worker, They could've moved back.
+House, Which I would've noticed since I was driving right towards them. [He just can't stop himself from being a smart ass.]
+Delaire," Shut up. We got an order to reduce overcrowding. But let me be clear � you mouth off to one guard, we catch you with a single cafeteria tray in your cell, you break any rules I don't Even remember, you can Park your ass here for four more months. So forget being sorry. Can you stay out of trouble for five days?"
+House, Yes.
+Hseuh, Gather for meds! Asofa!
+House, [quietly] Yeah.
+Mendelson, Why you keep helping him out?
+House," Yeah, why would I wanna make sure that my homicidal cellmate is taking the right anti-psychotics?"
+Hseuh, House!
+Hseuh, Mendelson!
+House, He's on 80 mg of Propranolol. That's 40.
+Hostetter, [checks the list] You're right. Sorry.
+Mendelson, No worries. I like my nurses naughty.
+House," I'm starting to think, Mendelson, that you just really like the taste of my spit."
+Mendelson," [laughs] Hey, House. Check out our new brand, huh?"
+House, You really got a thing for swastikas! Mendelson. Like an ironic thing?
+Mendelson, [defensive] It's a GerMan name.
+House," So's ""House."" I'm Jewish. [Mendelson looks at him.] Nah, I'm a black, gay gypsy. [He walks away. Mendelson is not amused.]"
+Frankie, Knight to King's Bishop three.
+House, Queen to King's Bishop sEven.
+Nick," Hey. You're House, right? I got these weird pains in my elbows and in my knees�"
+House," You know what's weirder? It's how the clinic is a large room and you somehow confused me with it. Although, to be fair, I am large."
+House," Hi, Rollo. I realize this is pRobably a rhetorical question � Why are you stealing my stuff?"
+Rollo," [friendly but not stopping what he's doing] Hey, House. I heard you're on short time. You won't need this."
+House," You heard about my parole, but not about my violent reactions when people steal my tuna. Put it back."
+Rollo, Nuh-uh.
+House," Really? You're stepping to a guy who outweighs you by 50 pounds and who's carrying a cane, which, while prison-approved, would still cause some issues if inserted into your colon."
+Rollo," Yeah, like you losing your parole. And you ain't gonna rat me out neither, 'cause you don't wanna get a snitch jacket and wind up shanked in the showers. So you're just gonna let me walk out of here."
+Frankie," You wanna get back at these guys? Get out alive on Friday. [A buzzer sounds.] All right, now go to work, House. [He claps House on the shoulder. House walks past him.] Oh, and that was Checkmate, right?"
+House, [voice from the hall] Yep.
+Stomper," I heard you're on that short time, House?"
+House," If you like tuna, you're a little late."
+Stomper, I want your stereo and your headphones. [He turns to face House and rolls his hips so his urine covers as much of the floor between them as possible.] It can wait till you finish your work. [indiCates the fresh pee on the floor] Drop it off in my cell. [leaves]
+Adams, 99.9. I'm gonna start him on ceftriaxone.
+Sykes, Good catch. I might've missed that.
+ he leans in and tells her,]
+House, It's not gonorrhea.
+Adams, I didn't say it was.
+House," Not out loud, but you're figuring that joint pain, plus fEver, plus a low lifestyle equals a ceftriaxone prescription."
+Nick, So you're saying I got the clap? I've only been in here one week. My girlfriend's clean. I ain't got a girlfriend in here.
+Adams, How do you know about ceftriaxone?
+Sykes, House used to be a doctor.
+House, Not going back. And that look of shock is elitist and offensive. Doctors can be degenerates. This is America. [back to the case] There's subtle eyebrow loss. It's lupus.
+Adams," Well, there's no discoid or malar rash on his face."
+House, Which would be dispositive if he was just a giant head.
+Sykes," He's got a point, but I'll let you make the call."
+Adams," No, there's no reason to search for a bodily rash since lupus doesn't usually present that way."
+House," ""Usually""? Well, I guess that's good enough for prison work. [She gapes at him as he turns to leave. Sykes is amused. Then House turns back, a little worried.] You don't write people up for mouthing off, do you?"
+Adams, Not usually.
+Frankie, You don't wanna mess with Stomper. He didn't get that name because he's a fan of Santa's reindeer.
+House, You think one of Santa's reindeer was called Stomper?
+Frankie, Y-you're missing my point.
+House, I'm not gonna listen to a guy who can't name the reindeer.
+Frankie," Well, you saw what happened in the yard with Diaz. He barely said a couple of words and set the boy off. [House looks at him, then off in the distance.] Oh, no. I know that look."
+House," Hey, Stomper."
+Stomper, Where's my stereo?
+House, I brought it to your cell.
+Stomper, It ain't there.
+House, I was just getting to that part. Rollo followed me in and took it.
+Stomper, No way Rollo'd diss me like that.
+House," Way. I don't wanna start any rumors, but�"
+Stomper, But what?
+House," Well, he was all, you know, ""I can take Stomper."" And I was all, ""how come?"" And he was all, ""'cause of how Diaz kicked his ass last month."" In fact, he actually called you ""Stompee,"" with an ""ee."" I think his gist was!"
+Stomper, [off camera] You took my stereo?
+Rollo," [off camera] Get out of my House, Stomper. I ain't got no stereo."
+Stomper," [off camera] Well, then what's this, then?"
+Rollo, [off camera] What? I didn't put that there!
+Stomper," [off camera, over Rollo's voice] You're gonna lie to my face, you lying son of a bitch!"
+Rollo, [off camera] What? I didn't do anything! Next time I will take your stereo! Ow!
+Frankie, That was stupid.
+House," [removes his earphones] Is that, like, a synonym for ""clEver""? By the time they get out of solitary, I'll be teaParkng physics at the University of Fiji."
+Frankie, You have four days left. How Many more tricks do you got?
+Asofa, Don't.
+House," This another pet? 'Cause it's gonna end badly. Again. Remember we talked about this? At least I talked, and you stared at me eerily. [Asofa stares eerily.] I think it was eerily. ""Eerily"" felt like the best-case scenario."
+House, Hey. Take off your shirt so I can find the rash.
+Nick," Oh, now you wanna help me. 'Cause that doctor didn't beliEve you?"
+House," Well, if you can think of a better way to prove that she's an idiot, I'm all ears. Now, let's get this over with."
+Nick," Yeah. [He puts down his sketch pad and takes off his shirt. House looks at the picture then starts inspecting Nick's torso.] That's Nicole. She lives at her mom's now on account that she lost her job. Her mom hates me, so she can't visit, she ain't accepting my calls."
+House," Well, that's what happens when you date a 12-year-old."
+Nick, You don't beliEve me?
+House, Belief implies a lEvel of giving a crap that I am nEver gonna aParkEve. Pull down your pants.
+House," Hey. It's not that I was trying to prove that you're an idiot or anything, but lupus boy and I were at the beach this morning, and I noticed a rash on his left thigh."
+Adams, I checked you out. You were a pretty big deal. What went wrong?
+House, Something very obvious and very boring.
+Adams, Drug related? Forging prescriptions?
+House," Oh, you're good, just like lupus boy will be when you start him on prednisone. Name should've been a giveaway. I'll send him up."
+Adams, Why are you so sure I'm gonna do what you say?
+House," Because you're a smart, old-money, trust-fund girl who took this job because your liberal ideology makes you wanna make a difference, but you're already getting bored, and this is interesting."
+Adams, Why would you say any of that?
+House," Your shoes � different, expensive pair Every day, but nEver leather, which means you're both rich and liberal. Antique locket � it's unpolished gold. Not some hipster thing. It's a family heirloom, which means old money. Osler scarf � only on Fridays, which means you did your residency at Hopkins, which means you're smarter than our interactions would so far indiCate. And your eyes � the only time you haven't looked bored in the three months since you've been here is when we've been discussing this diagnosis. So, yeah, you'll treat him for lupus."
+Sullivan, House. He wants you.
+Mendelson, [purring] Parole? You didn't tell me.
+House," I didn't want a big, emotional scene."
+Mendelson," But you know what the rules are. On short time, tax goes up."
+House, How Many do you want?
+Mendelson, All of 'em.
+House," Come on, Mendelson. I should be on six a day. I get four, and I give you two. [silence] Fine. Get one in my cell after lights-out. Plus Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, that's 11 in all."
+Mendelson," I count 20. You knew on Monday, you get out Friday. Five days. You should've told me earlier."
+House," They give out four a day, Max."
+Mendelson, [laughs] You'll figure something out. You're a creative guy.
+House," What if I just go into protective custody, spend the next three days in the hole?"
+Mendelson," Oh, you could P.C. up. But then you'll get out, and unlike you! I got friends on the outside."
+House, Porter.
+Porter," Doc, what ya need? I'm running a special on grilled cheese this week. Got some new girly mags too."
+House," I was thinking of something more! Vicodin-y. At least 16, and I need them Friday at noon."
+Porter," [chuckles] That's pricy, but it can be done. How about you have one of your peeps on the outside send $200 to my boy up in Trenton?"
+House, I am peep-less.
+Porter," This is just you haggling, right?"
+House," No. I mean, you Ever see me chatting on the phone, taking visitors?"
+Porter," All right, but I'm gonna have to clean you out. I'm gonna need to see some tuna. I'm gonna need to see some stamps, uh, stereo�"
+House, Just get 'em to me as soon as you can.
+House, What happened?
+Nick," I was trying to use the phone. I just�I just got jostled a little, that's it."
+House, [quietly] Who hit you?
+Nick, I just�I just bumped into the wall.
+Nick, [pulls away] Huh!
+House, It's not lupus.
+Nick, Is that good?
+House, Does it feel good?
+Asofa, Sick. [He peeks one eye over the edge of his mattress to look down at House.]
+House," No, I'm just going through a bit of withdrawal. I'm trying to survive on one a day for the next few days."
+Asofa, No. [Asofa's lowers his arm. The cricket is cupped in his massive hand. It's not moving.] Fix him.
+House, It's not lupus. He broke his arm.
+Adams," Or it is lupus, and he was in a fight."
+House, He was in a jostle.
+Adams," 'Cause if he admits he was in a fight, then he goes to the hole."
+House, That's why he'd lie to the guards. He's got no reason to lie to me.
+Adams, [straightening up and thinking about this] Huh.
+House," See? There are those eyes again. [He moves toward the desk and Adams grabs Nick's folder and holds it away from House.] How about a viral syndrome? Or MRSA? No, that wouldn't chew up the bone that fast. But reaction to meds could. [holds out his hand for the chart] May I?"
+Adams, May you what? Make me lose my job by showing you a Patient file? [House drops his hand and looks down.] But why don't you assume no recent meds?
+House, How long can I assume that he's been smoking? Based on his yellow fingers.
+Adams, You're thinking lung cancer. Metastatic. I'll x-ray him on Friday. [House gives her an annoyed look.] We share a traveling x-ray maParkne with two other clinics.
+House, I'm out of here on Friday.
+Adams, He's not.
+House," Well, how about! if he throws a clot and strokes out, you can use the x-ray to do the autopsy. Start him on blood thinners."
+Adams, Very interesting practice you must've run. No need for tests. [House taps on the door and the guard opens it.] No need for proof. Where are you going?
+House, [leaving] To the proof store.
+Nick, You were right about Nicole.
+House," [lifts his head] About me not caring? I thought so. [He goes back to listening, tapping on Nick's chest with a couple of fingers.]"
+Nick, It wasn't her mom. It was her. She doesn't wanna talk to me.
+House," Listen, I'm trying to listen to your lungs, not your self-pity. [He stops and gets up, grabbing his cane.] Cancer can wait. [joining Frankie who was walking past] Hey, heading out to the yard?"
+Frankie, Mm-hmm.
+House, You mind trying to find me a cricket?
+Frankie, The ol' swap trick? You don't think that will piss off your cellie Even more when he figures it's a different bug?
+House," I'll dress 'em the same, like in Vertigo."
+Frankie," Well, I'll try, but they spray so much pesticide I'm surprised we're alive."
+House, [thoughtfully] Good point. [He sees Porter and turns to follow him.] Hey. How's it coming?
+Porter," It ain't. The Confederates be giving themselves spankin' new tats. They putting a claim on all of my Vicodin. Now, I love you and all, my brother, but not as much as I love my gang of crazy, roided-out Nazi bitches."
+House, [sitting on the next gurney] Now try an inch to the left. Hear the difference?
+Adams, [impressed] Yeah!
+House, It's called an acoustical shadow. It means he's got a tumor.
+Adams, How did you find that without a stethoscope? I didn't Even know you could do this!
+House, Start the blood thinners.
+Nick, So I for sure got lung cancer?
+Adams, No.
+House, [simultaneously] Yeah
+Adams, All you've proven is there's an anomaly in his chest.
+House, [incredulous] Which means your initial diagnosis could still be right?
+Adams, Which apparently really bugs you. [She has an idea] I could do a clotting test.
+House, That's! that's a good idea.
+Adams," We're just gonna cut your earlobe a bit and check back in two minutes. If there's a little blood bubbling up, that's normal. But if it's completely clotted, it may indiCate cancer. Okay? Ready?"
+Adams," Are you really leaving medicine? What are you gonna do? [no answer] You know, for someone who asks as Many favors as you do, you sure don't make any effort to win me over."
+House," Before I went to med school, I thought about getting a Ph.D. in physics. You Ever heard of dark matter? The way galaxies rotate, the motion of the Universe! it means there's six times more stuff than we can detect. It's been theorized but no one's Ever proved it exists."
+Adams," So, uh, so you wanna research it? Why?"
+House, It's the greatest mystery there is � the theory of Everything.
+Adams, And completely divorced from huManity.
+House," Well, me and huManity, we got together too young."
+Adams, Tsk. You have a gift. There is something in this world you are undeniably great at. You can read people. You-you understand them. You gotta go back to medicine.
+House," Well, if that gift is related to what brought me here, you'll understand if I wanna check the returns policy."
+Nic, Hey! Is this supposed to happen?
+Adams, Cool.
+House," Jiminy didn't Parkrp much last night. If it's a disease, then he's six inches under. [He taps some bicarb into the bottle.] But this could also be pesticide poisoning! [He shakes the bottle well] Which bicarbonate of soda has been used to treat. [He adds some to a postcard which he picks up and, blocking the view with his body, slips under an upturned half bottle with the new cricket in it. He steps to the side so Asofa can see the ""cured""� cricket.] See? Just so much and no more."
+House," Mm! [silence] This is where you say ""thank you."" [nothing] Or I say thank you for not killing me. [long pause] Thank you."
+Adams, Hey. The x-ray didn't show any tumors. The acoustical shadow was just a lipoma. [House sits down and rubs his leg.] I'm thinking � you all right?
+House, I'm fine.
+Adams, Ibuprofen?
+House, It's not gonna help.
+Adams, You can look at the Patient file if you want.
+House, You trust me?
+Adams, Any reason I shouldn't?
+House," You're really not good at reading people, are you? Or buildings."
+Adams, People are compliCated. And people change.
+House," [reaParkng for the file] Not that much to the first, and not at all to the second. But if it'll get me the file!"
+Adams," If we add ""clotting disorder"" to the symptoms, it's gotta be a toxin."
+House, This guy's the only one with symptoms. It's either gotta be his cell or his work station.
+Adams, The laundry room. So maybe a solvent or detergent?
+House, Can you get me an escort to gather samples?
+Sykes, [entering] Dr. Adams. Why does this Man have a file?
+House, You need to get cotton swabs�
+Nick, [standing with difficulty and pulling on his jumpsuit. There's another portrait of Nicole on the wall by the bunk.] � but not now. I got something to do.
+House," You're a prisoner on tier time. By definition, you have nothing to do."
+Nick," Call her family, her friends, her work. I'm gonna get through Eventually."
+House," You're moving slower. You're getting weaker. This thing's attacking your bones, your joints, your blood."
+Nick," Look, my girl's more important."
+House," [frustrated and annoyed] She's not your girl, you idiot. She was the girlfriend of a loser drug dealer. Think she's got the self-control to wait around for three years? You think she should? There's a reason we're locked away from nice, normal people. [relenting, nicer] Your life outside is over. Your friends, your girl, Everyone you worked with, they've moved on."
+Nick, Get out of my House. [shouts] Get out!
+House, Where's Sykes?
+Adams, Off at his other clinics.
+House, Great. I'm gonna go through the laundry. Give me some swabs.
+Adams, No.
+House, What? He yelled at you for letting me see the file? You'll get over it. A few years of therapy�
+Adams, Why did you lie to me about what you were in for?
+House," [enters and closes the door behind him] Okay, so I drove a car into a wall instead of stealing some pills. You obviously don't care what I did. You care that I lied to you. You feel jilted."
+Adams, I feel stupid. It-it doesn't Even make sense. Why are you doing time? You didn't have any priors. You didn't hurt anyone.
+House, I had a bad Lawyer.
+Adams, I'm sorry. We can't talk about this case anymore.
+House, Uhhh!
+Mendelson, We hear you're gonna need an incentive to get all my pills by tomorrow.
+House," I-I-I can't get all 20, but once I get out�"
+Mendelson," [to Sullivan] Give us a minute. [Sullivan leaves, giving Mendelson House's cane. He kneels next to House and talks quietly, as if he's confiding in him.] Why do you think I'm on buspirone? The stress! I get the runs almost Every day. Any sign of weakness, 20 guys would line up to stick a sharpened-up toothbrush in my eye. So as much as my better nature really wants to give you a pass! it just wouldn't be good for my health. See you tomorrow."
+House, I need your help. You have any matches?
+Frankie," No, that's serious contraband. What are you planning to do?"
+House, What about a stick of gum?
+Frankie, Sure. [pulls one out of his pocket]
+House, I'm gonna need that too.
+Frankie, [suspicious] Why?
+House," Why do I need the pen that you always carry around and nEver write with? [Frankie hands it over.] This is plan ""B."" [He clicks the pen, rEvealing a blade.]"
+Adams, What happened to your cheek?
+House, What is it?
+Adams," Fire? House, we gotta evacuate this area. Come on."
+Nick," Hey. Hey, House. You were saying something about how I should, like, uh, swab or�"
+House, You're confusing me with the clinic again.
+Nick, What? You're abandoning me?
+House," As soon as you leave, I am."
+Nick, Why? What changed?
+House," I'm just done. No you, no medicine, no fixing people. Done. Now get out."
+Nick, [leans against the door jamb] No!
+House, [looks at Nick for the first time] Your lips are swelling. Open your mouth. Did you just eat something?
+Nick," Meatloaf, potatoes, coffee!"
+House, You allergic to anything? [Nick collapses. House lowers him to the floor while yelling for help.] Guard! You're going into anaphylactic shock. Guard! Dammit. I gotta make a hole so you can breathe.
+Alvarez," House, get away from him."
+House, He's having an allergic reaction. He can't breathe.
+Alvarez, Lie on the ground with your hands behind your head.
+House," Alvarez, look at what I'm doing! It's a tracheotomy. Come on, Man. You know I'm a doctor."
+Alvarez, What's wrong with him?
+House, I have no idea.
+House, Saving us both from contraband charges. It was great knowing you. [He knocks on his cell door. A guard arrives. House talks to him through the locked door.] I need to be taken into protective custody.
+House, Wow. [The guard accompanying him waits imPatiently.] That was great. I think I really dodged a bullet there.
+Guard, You don't need P.C.?
+House," [walking away, toward his cell] Uh, it's nothing personal. We'll reschedule. Rain check, I promise."
+House," It wasn't the food. It was the heat. It's mastocytosis. It can be set off by hot liquids, like the coffee he just drank."
+Sykes, Masto's usually a skin disease.
+Adams," Usually? It can hit any organ. Joint pain, osteopenia, and anaphylaxis,eyebrow loss! It fits."
+Sykes, It's a possibility. I'll run some blood tests. Thank you.
+House," No, no! It's almost impossible to confirm masto with blood work. Just give him five aspirin. [Adams looks very puzzled.]"
+Sykes," If he has masto, he'll go into anaphylactic shock and won't be able to breathe again."
+House," You do understand the meaning of the word ""confirm."""
+Nick, I'll do it. I almost died in that cell.
+Sykes," House, you're in here because you think you can do whatEver you want whenEver you want. You can't, and neither can I. The A.C.L.U. would have my job, my license, maybe Even my House, if I do an unauthorized experiment�"
+Adams, But if-if it is masto�
+Sykes, It's not.
+House," Well, what do you have to lose by giving him the aspirin?"
+Sykes, I'm not taking the risk.
+House," It's his risk to take. If he has another attack and there isn't a doctor in the next cell, he could die! So for one second, will you stop covering your ass and do the test?"
+Adams, I think House is right.
+Sykes, No.
+House," [quietly, choosing his words carefully] You're a moron and a coward. I'll do it myself."
+Sykes," Guard. [to House] You're done here, just like Every other place you've Ever set foot in your life. If I Ever see you in here again, I will write you up, and they will revoke your parole."
+Adams," Dr. House. Did you get all the Vicodin you needed? [he looks at her] I'm not an idiot. That fire, the bruise on your face! I talk to prisoners. I know about exit taxes. You're clearly getting squeezed."
+House, I need 20. [She pulls a bottle of pills out of her pocket and gives him some.] And let me back into the clinic when Sykes is gone.
+Adams, We'll take care of Nick.
+House, You can't if you're not willing to do�
+Adams, Just take care of yourself. [She returns to the clinic.]
+Mendelson," Well done. If knew if you'd learned nothing else in here, you'd learned the smart thing is to fall in line."
+House," [looks around, worried; nods] You're absolutely right."
+Alvarez," Hey, hey, hey! [into his radio] I need backup here. Hey! Hey!"
+Mendelson, Son of a bitch.
+Alvarez, You'd better be fast!
+Mendelson, Come on. Come on!
+House, [pleasantly] Thanks for getting me to the clinic.
+Mendelson, [to Sullivan] Take him out.
+Sullivan, I've got only two years left in my stretch.
+Mendelson," [grabs Sullivan's shirtfront in both fists, threatening] Take him out."
+House, [off-screen] C.O.! We have a little pRoblem here!
+Alvarez," [into radio] I need backup, I need backup! We got a big fight here."
+House, Alvarez!
+Alvarez," Sullivan, back off! [A prisoner is keeping him from getting to House] Mendelson! You're gonna be held responsible."
+Mendelson, Heyyyyyy! I'm just playing solitaire.
+Guard, Hands behind your head!
+Adams, You are so lucky. We got a guy in an ambulance heading to Princeton General. Another dozen getting teargas hosed off them.
+Officer, Hey! Sit down! Back off.
+House, Where's the aspirin?
+Adams," Oh, God. Did you get beaten up on purpose?"
+Sykes," House, what are you doing?"
+Sykes, Hey!
+Officer," House, open up! This is a direct order!"
+House," Yeah, it's always a direct order. Eight months. Haven't heard an indirect order in here."
+Sykes, Dr. Adams!
+Adams," They're gonna revoke your parole. They're gonna charge you with extra crimes. You'll be here six more months, minimum!"
+House, [putting some aspirin in a folded sheet of paper and smashing them] Sorry. Distracted. You were saying?
+Adams," I checked your file. You didn't have a bad Lawyer. You had no Lawyer. You took the first deal they offered you, because you wanted to punish yourself. Do you think getting beaten up, you think saving this one guy will wipe your slate clean?"
+House, No.
+Adams, Then why are you doing this?
+House," 'Cause I have a gift. [to Nick] Once you drink this, you should get an attack almost immediately. That is, if I'm right."
+Adams, You just bought yourself months in solitary. Was it really worth it?
+House," If I'm wrong, no, it wasn't."
+Sykes, No! No! No! Get the cup! Get the cup!
+House, Just drink it! Drink it!
+Sykes, No! Grab the cup!
+Officer, [to House] Hands behind your back.
+Sykes," [to Adams, who is standing in the middle of the room] What were you thinking?"
+Adams, I don't know. I-I-I was-I was scared.
+Sykes, No! [Everyone freezes] You're fired. You're beyond fired. You're completely unhireable anywhere. You understand that?
+Adams, Yes. Now shut up and let's see if he has an attack.
+House," Come on, just a little more time."
+Sykes, Get him out of here.
+Guard," Get up, House."
+House, Must be some mistake. I specifically requested my wakeup startle three hours from now.
+Guard, Some VIP visitor. Dean of Medicine from your old hospital.
+House, I've had dreams about this. I'm going to assume this is another one.
+Guard, Get up. (He raps on the doorframe again)
+House, I can refuse to see any visitor I want. Tell the Dean that I don't want to see her.
+Guard, He said you'd say that.
+House, (rolling back to look up at the guard) He?
+House, What's the hiring policy over there? All ass based?
+Foreman, I can get you out of here.
+House, Not unless that file has a file in it.
+Foreman, Judge's order for your immediate release.
+House, I had eight months added to my sentence two months ago. The math is pretty basic.
+Foreman," We have a crisis. Which, is good news for you. You're out tonight on conditional parole. The condition being that you're employed by me, at PPTH."
+House," No, thanks. You think it's a good idea for me to go right back to my old life? For either of us?"
+Foreman," Your Patient, is two lungs, in a box."
+Foreman," And it only has 12 hours left. No pulse, no body. No ability to answer questions. It's your perfect Patient."
+House," I did pay for the room for the whole week, but!"
+Foreman," Donor's an 18-year-old college kid back from Hofstra. Goes to a homecoming party with his buddies, hops on his motorcycle, ends up an organ donor. Asystole in the E.R. No pulse. No blood circulating. His heart, liver, kidneys were all toast. Surgeons had the recipient on the table when they realized the lungs had increased airway resistance. The team closed her up, put the lungs in suspended animation. Buys 24 hours to fix it, 12 of which have passed. We still have no clue what's wrong."
+House," Nice painting. Blues and greens. Calming, but with a hint of nurturing. Totally offsets the stench of suffering and death. Where's my Patient? We need to not talk."
+Foreman, ICU isolation room. The transplant team will meet you there with updates from the past two hours.
+House, Great. (holding out the file) Take this.
+Foreman, How about you drop it in your office?
+House," I completely understand and, almost respect your desire to appear to be Dean of Medicine, given that your title is Dean of Medicine. On the other hand! Seriously?"
+Foreman," Get this straight. You break the law, you go back to jail. Scam extra Vicodin, back to jail. Flout my authority, make the hospital look bad, back to jail. I own you."
+House," Yes, massa."
+Foreman," See, that, would be an example."
+House, When did Cuddy leave?
+Foreman, She gave her notice the day after your incident. Took a job�
+House, Don't need the details.
+Foreman, Ortho needed more space. You're this way.
+House, Where's my stuff?
+Foreman, No idea.
+House, What about my team?
+Foreman," Pathetic. The first thing you said to me was you don't want your old environment. The fourth thing you said was, ""where's my old environment?"" It's been a year, Taub, Chase, Thirteen all moved on. The world does that sometimes."
+House," No, it doesn't."
+Foreman, Here's your new office. And there's your new team.
+Park, Hi.
+House, I'm not interested in another department's sloppy seconds.
+Park, I'm not sloppy seconds.
+House," 3:00 a.m. If Foreman had called you in from home, you wouldn't have"
+Park," Yes, I was on call for neurology."
+House," Well, if that were true, you'd be working right now and unavailable to help. Which means that you're hanging out in the hospital pretending to work. Which means you're not just a reject, you're a cowardly reject who was trying to hide her rejectedness from someone."
+Park, I am not a reject.
+House, Then go back to neurology.
+Park, I can't. I punched my attending.
+ Simpson, ARDS secondary to trauma is our leading hypothesis. FiO2 is 93%�
+House," (loudly) Prison! Sorry, I thought I heard Everyone else think that. I was in prison, you see. It was a long time ago, but still, you're curious. NEver was raped, not raped-raped. Well, raped-raped, but not raped-raped-raped. Well, now that we've got that completely behind us."
+ Simpson," Sorry, Dr. House, welcome back."
+House, Is there cake? Any alveolar exudate?
+ Simpson, No. The lungs are dry.
+House," Well it's not ARDS. It's the autumn. Its tick borne disease season. EhrliParkosis causing bronParkalitis. You'll appreciate that I left the ""idiots"" subtextual."
+Wilson," Blood smear was clear, and we ""idiots"" treated with broad spectrum antibiotics."
+House, Cocaine.
+ Simpson, Tox screen was clean.
+House, Dead men don't pee. Tox screen tests for metabolites in the urine. Coke nEver got past the lungs. Also explains the motorcycle crash. Idiots.
+ Simpson, Let's get the lungs on treatment.
+House," Great idea. Unless you're wrong. And by you, I mean me. Then this treatment will burn holes in the lungs. I'd call you idiots again, but at this point I'm starting to doubt whether you understand what I mean by the word. (to Park) Kato, get Black Beauty and meet me out front. (looking directly at Wilson) We're gonna find the dead kid's stash."
+House," Since an 18-year-old with organ donor on his license is not a cancer Patient, I'm figuring the recipient is a lifetime member of the Wilson cares too much club."
+Wilson, Excellent deduction.
+House, You're the reason I'm out of the big House. Doesn't quite make up for nEver visiting�
+Wilson, Springing you was Foreman's idea. I wasn't convinced until Simpson failed three times.
+House, It amounts to the same thing. You wanted me back.
+Wilson," See, I knew you'd over-interpret it."
+House," Strong, emotional reaction. I guess that's what a lifetime membership gets you. How's your wrist?"
+Wilson," Healed, thank you."
+House, I was wrong. I went to prison. I paid the price. (Wilson's pager beeps)
+Wilson, (pulling out his pager) You're a changed Man.
+House, I said I was wrong. I didn't say I changed. I haven't. Neither have you�
+Wilson, Analyze it howEver you like. We're not friends anymore. (He leaves House standing in the hallway)
+Wilson, What can I do?
+Vanessa, My chest. Angina's back.
+Wilson, Upping the nitro should knock it back down.
+Theresa," Sis and I were talking, trying to figure out how Many hospital sleepovers we've had."
+Vanessa," It definitely started with the great mastectomy of 2001. God, I miss my boobs. They were spectacular."
+Theresa, Is there a chance of locating another donor?
+Wilson," It's unlikely. Especially since, with the extent of the emphysema, she needs a double lung."
+Wilson, (to Vanessa) How are you doing?
+Vanessa," Better already. It's a good thing that worked. I was gonna make you bring me a bottle. Oh, lighten up, Sis. You know, the least you could do is laugh at a dying lady's jokes."
+Theresa," Your drinking wasn't funny then, and it's not funny now. Because, you're not dying."
+Wilson, The hospital brought in a consultant to work on the lungs.
+Theresa, Do you know him? Is he � is he good?
+Wilson, He is an excellent doctor.
+Park, We pRobably shouldn't be turning up unannounced like this. Their son just died.
+House," Bright side � they're pRobably up weeping. Hey, we both assaulted our bosses. It's like we're twins."
+Park, I'd really rather not!.
+House," Okay, I'll go first. My boss dumped me. And yours what? Called you his Parkna doll? Joked about what a crappy deal you got for Manhattan? Assumed you have a huge penis? I have no idea what flavor you are, so I thought I'd just cover the spread."
+Park," My mom's Filipino, Dad's Korean, and my boss grabbed my behind."
+House," Behind what? Oh, yeah, your � grabbed your tushy. So now you're pretending to be on call so that your overly protective boyfriend won't find out that you got groped."
+Park," I don't have a boyfriend. It's my parents. If they found out what I've done, they'd be mortified."
+House, Your parents know your call schedule?
+Park, I live with them.
+House, Right. No issues there.
+ Weathers, I told you my son didn't do cocaine.
+House, Druggies are not known for their honesty. Trust me on this one.
+Park," Mr. Weathers, I am sure you're right, but we need to be thorough. Did your son Ever smoke marijuana?"
+ Weathers, He was an athlete. Took real good care of himself.
+ Weathers," Hey, take it easy. Steve loved all that�"
+House, Sorry. But we're on a clock.
+Park, (whispering) I think he's about to throw us out.
+House," (looking up at Mr. Weathers) Nope. His son is dead. The only way that has any meaning is if we fix the lungs and transplant them. It doesn't matter how much we piss him off as long as we find something. So go back there, piss him off and find something."
+Park, Do you know any of the kids at the party with your son?
+ Weathers, Bunch of his high school buddies. They'd gotten really into poker and decided to have an all-night game in Brandon Broome's basement.
+ Weathers, Hey!
+Park, (speaking quietly to House) I understand that we're in a hurry but maybe he should.
+House, Your son isn't wearing glasses in any of these pictures.
+ Weathers, He just got them a couple of weeks ago.
+House, Because he was having headaches?
+House, Answer the question before answering the door.
+ Weathers," Yeah, he was."
+House, You're right. He was not doing cocaine. He had a brain tumor.
+House," Don't bother. It's for me. (propping his foot on the dresser, and pulling up his pant leg to rEveal the monitor) Turns out they monitor these monitors."
+Foreman," (shaking hands with the police Officer) Thank you, Officer."
+House, I thought the bracelet was decorative. My aunt had one just like it. Wait a minute.
+Foreman, You're allowed to be at the hospital. You're allowed to go home. That was made clear.
+House," Dead kid's House was on the way to my apartment. (He picks up his cane and stands) Assuming I got lost, twice."
+Foreman, Those consultants in my office are only costing the hospital 100 bucks Every minute I keep them waiting. Why didn't you just tell me what you were doing?
+House," I knew you were very busy, being vaguely important."
+Foreman, I might have cleared it with the cops.
+House," Yeah, it's the word ""might"" that bumps me, but I'll run it by you next time. (He turns to leave)"
+Foreman, House.
+Foreman," Getting you out of jail was not a popular decision with the board. I need you to solve this, and I need you to do it without making me look like I can't control you. For both our sakes. (House nods)"
+House," Disciplinary hearing should be fun, and the subsequent lingering black mark on your record."
+Park, I'm not worried.
+Park, We have to wheel this out to the MRI. We should pRobably leave the body in the bag.
+House, (feeling the body's upper right arm) There's a mass in the arm. Analyzing part of this tumor is gonna be quicker than a scan.
+House," So, where's the next job? You worry about what people think of you, and parental secrets. The only way that you don't worry about this hearing is if you don't think there's gonna be one. The only way that happens is you leave Princeton Plainsboro."
+Park, I had a video interview with Parkcago yesterday. It went well.
+House," My money's on rhabdomyosarcoma. (giving the jar to Park) Parkcago has a great program, and you're a dumbass."
+House," Running away from home is a time-honored tradition, but you're not doing it to flee your parents. You're doing it to protect them. (He picks up his cane) That's an insult to Everything teen prostitutes have worked for. Time to grow up and come clean."
+Park, You're right. I should just drive my car into their living room and tell them
+Theresa, Didn't it turn out that he'd stolen the hot dog cart?
+Vanessa," No, borrowed. Bobby was very insistent on that point."
+Wilson, Seems like someone's feeling better.
+Vanessa, No more chest pain.
+Wilson, I haven't heard the name Bobby in a long time. How's he doing these days?
+Vanessa, I don't know. We're not in touch. And don't Even pretend like you're not reliEved. You nEver liked him.
+Wilson," Bobby is an incredibly fun, great guy. Just not a great influence."
+Theresa," I would have gone with ""colossal drunk."""
+Wilson," I was gonna leave that implied, but, yes, colossal drunk."
+Vanessa, What? It's good for a couple to share a hobby.
+Wilson," (looking down) Your catheter bag is empty, despite taking in 200 ccs of fluids. I'm gonna have to dial back the nitro."
+Theresa, Won't her chest pain come back?
+Wilson, We don't have any choice. The nitro is dropping the blood flow to your kidneys. They're shutting down.
+House, This is so our song.
+Wilson, My Patient is running out of time.
+House, Not worried. My team is confirming the diagnosis as we speak.
+Wilson, (pausing the music again) I want to be understanding. It's your first day back�
+House, See? I smell empathy.
+House, You should remember all the good times. Like when I gave you that necklace that you just dumped n the ocean. What were you thinking?
+Wilson," (pausing the music yet again) House, I haven't forgotten our friendship. For Every good memory, there's a slew of bad ones."
+House, Come in.
+Wilson, Come in.
+Park, Paraneoplastic syndrome's out. The lung donor didn't have cancer.
+House, Tell that to the tumor that I found in his arm.
+Park, That mass wasn't a tumor. It was coagulated plasma. E.R. pumped him full of it. I.V. leaked into his arm. I Even did a complete MRI. No cancer anywhere. We've got nothing.
+House, Just 'cause it wasn't a tumor doesn't mean it didn't mess with the lungs. They're reacting to something in the plasma.
+Park, But Every unit of plasma can have up to 25 contributing donors. We need to track down all of them.
+House," Still. (picking up his cane and heading out the door) It's not as bad as a thousand people going down in a gigantic boat, right? My heart will go on. (He leaves Wilson's office)"
+Foreman, No. You can't leave the hospital.
+House, 25 donors contributed to the plasma that the lung donor got. My team cannot track down and interview them all in six hours.
+Foreman," I vouch for you to the cops, you take some parole-violating detour celebrating your freedom, justified, of course, by some absurd theory connecting it to the case."
+House, You asked me to ask you. Was that just so you'd enjoy saying no?
+Foreman," I don't trust you, House. I can't."
+House, Actually you have to.
+Foreman, Not absolutely. Not outside the walls of this hospital.
+House," Fine, then give me a team I don't have to put in quotation marks."
+Foreman, Use the people already on the case.
+House," Give me Chase, Taub, Thirteen."
+Foreman, We don't have the money to pay them.
+House," Oh, yeah. (looking around the newly decorated office) It went to interior designers, I understand."
+Foreman, You only have Park because she's on neurology's tab. You are making minimum wage.
+House, I am?
+Foreman," Get out of my office, please. (House leaves)"
+House, What do you got?
+Wilson, Number three went to a baseball game the day before he donated.
+House, Boredom is not transmissible.
+Wilson," He ate a bag of peanuts, and peanut proteins would be. If our donor had an allergy, it could explain the lungs."
+House, Nice.
+Wilson, What?
+House, Nothing.
+Wilson, Don't start that.
+House, Start what? I'm enjoying our conversation. The repartee.
+Wilson, There was no repartee.
+House, That was repartee.
+Wilson, I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing it to help my Patient.
+House, It's just good to hear your voice.
+Wilson, (disconnecting) Goodbye.
+House, That's my whiteboard. I need it. And he really doesn't care how the cast comes off.
+Betty, (smiling) Dr. Foreman warned us that you'd try something. Told me to call him if you did. I'd like to do that.
+House, I'll take this outside.
+House, (answering the phone) Yeah.
+Park, (getting into her car in a residential neighborhood) Donor six traveled to Thailand around Khorat. Region was endemic with dengue fEver.
+House, Good.
+House, Yeah.
+Park, Alcohol.
+House, He'd have to be pretty drunk for it to affect a pool of plasma.
+Park," These guys have got that covered. Acute etoh ingestion could have�(she interrupts the call to yell at the painting crew) hey, paint around them, they're not hurting anyone]"
+House, Who's painting?
+Park," The crew's just starting. Paint fumes didn't cause contamination. But, maybe the old paint did. They scraped off the underpass, pRobably because it contains! lead."
+House, (speaking it at the same time as Park does) Lead.
+Wilson, Chest pain back?
+Vanessa, It's worse this time. Is there any way to take the edge off?
+Wilson, We're still working on the lungs. We should know soon.
+Vanessa, Soon is good.
+Wilson, (still standing) How's the chelation going?
+House, REverend Moon started it about 20 minutes ago. You missed lunch tracking down the plasma donors. Got you a Reuben from the cafeteria.
+Wilson, Thanks. (he sits) Lead exposure's a nice diagnosis. I hope it pays off.
+House, It will.
+Wilson," I appreciate your confidence, but she's not really�"
+House," Oh, no, she could die. But technically it will still pay off. Even if your Patient dies, someone will get the lungs."
+Wilson, You really haven't changed. But I've given up red meat.
+Foreman, What round of chelation is this?
+Park," Fourth. Are you checking up on me, or on House?"
+Foreman, On this case. Unique situation. Oxygenating?
+Park, 98%. Airway resistance down.
+Foreman, Great. Is House okay?
+Park, I have no idea.
+Park," Dad, what are you doing here?"
+ Park, Got your text. (holding out the bowl) I brought you some of your Mother's gomguk.
+Park, What text?
+ Park, The one asking me to bring you some dinner. I went by neurology. The secretary said you were on leave.
+Park, I'm consulting on this case. Unique situation.
+ Park," It looks very compliCated. You, can help with that?"
+Park, Lungs are crashing. I have to go. Bye.
+Foreman, Increasing to 100% FiO2.
+Park, (checking the IV line) Saline flow is down to 10 ccs.
+Foreman, Blockage? Clot in the line?
+Park, Chelation is making it worse. It means we were wrong about lead.
+Foreman, Hold the analysis and help me save this thing.
+Park, Saline's flushing it forward but getting no return. One-way valve. Vasospasm.
+Foreman," If you're right, calcium channel blocker should relax the artery."
+Park, The lungs have no nervous system. Will that still work?
+Foreman, (pushing the calcium channel blocker into the IV line) We'll know soon.
+Foreman, Saline flow is rising. Vasospasm's relaxing. Left lung is pinking up. Good job.
+Park, (watParkng the lungs) Right middle lobe isn't.
+Foreman, Nothing.
+Park, We killed part of the lung.
+House, (into the phone) Page Dr. Pinto stat to the cath lab.
+Park, We're going to the cath lab? Are you thinking that maybe�
+House, What? Who? One dead lobe means four alive ones. It means enough to transplant with a side order of dead tissue that we can test.
+Park, It makes sense. Unlike you stealing my phone.
+House," You have unlimited texting. Until your parents know, you will nEver see that punch for what it really was. Your February 4th. Sri Lankan Independence Day."
+Park, I told you I'm Korean and Filipino.
+House, And I told you I wasn't listening. By my actions.
+Park, Violence isn't an appropriate way to handle conflict. It was a moment of weakness.
+House," You barked at me, picked a fight with a painting crew. Maybe it's time to recognize it's not a character flaw. Maybe it's your character."
+House, (acknowledging the doctor) Pinto!
+ Pinto, House.
+House, (to Park) Embrace your inner bitch.
+House, So why did chelation make the lungs worse?
+House, We got about five minutes till Pinto gets back. Give me a hand with this.
+Park, No.
+Park, I tracked down another bag of plasma from the batch they used on the donor. Negative for all our other exposures.
+House," Sarcoidosis could be inflamed by the treatment. (He looks at the chair then back at Park) I am a cripple, in need of assistance."
+Park," (ignoring House, Park opens the Patient file) Um, transplant team ran an A.C.E. Negative."
+House, It's mine. And it's your job.
+Park, My job is to assist you in curing the lungs.
+House, This chair will help me do that.
+Park, What if the scrapings from the bridge contained other heavy metals like barilium or asbestos?
+House, Chelation for lead wouldn't have made them worse.
+House, But! maybe the pRoblem isn't a heavy metal from outside. It's inside. But it's not leaving the body like it's supposed to. It's stuck. Iron. The donor had hemosiderosis.
+Park, His body wasn't disposing of iron. Massive amounts choke up the lungs. Then our chelation would wreak havoc because it picks up too much stuff.
+House, Go stain the dead lung tissue for iron.
+House," I'm sorry, young lady, I simply will not help you steal this chair."
+House, Pinto.
+ Pinto, House.
+Park, Hi.
+Theresa, She can barely catch her breath.
+Vanessa, Lungs ready yet?
+Wilson, We're testing for iron overload.
+Theresa, I thought it was lead.
+Wilson, This is not an exact process. (to Vanessa) Your small airways are collapsing. You're not getting enough oxygen. I'd like to try forcing an oxygen-rich slurry into your lungs. It should open up the airways and buy you some time until the lungs are ready.
+Vanessa, Fluid? In my lungs? Sounds like drow!drowning.
+Wilson, It is.
+Vanessa," Gonna hurt, isn't it?"
+Wilson," Yes, a fair amount."
+Vanessa, No. I'm done.
+Wilson," (through the door) House, the nurses saw you come in."
+House, Enter.
+Wilson, It's a bathroom.
+House," Ah, explains the hole in this chair."
+House," God, I missed doors. And air freshener."
+House, Now go away. I'm waiting for some test results.
+Wilson, My Patient signed a DNR. She's giving up. Looks like someone else will be getting the lungs. Making this yet another interaction with you in which I get nothing.
+House, It's not my fault you can't handle your Patient.
+Wilson," She said she's done. I spent half an hour trying to change her mind, but she'd made her decision. I accepted that. It's called respect."
+House," And what's after respect? You find another angle. You hold her hand, get the sister to beg, (he throws the magazine onto the side table) stick your fingers in your ears, pretend you can't hear. You do whatEver it takes."
+Wilson," Oh, whatEver it takes. Thanks, House. I hadn't thought of that."
+Foreman, What are you testing for?
+Park, Hemosiderosis. I'm staining for excess iron.
+Foreman," Promising. When your dad showed up unexpectedly, House have a hand in that?"
+Park, I'm guessing he does things like that a lot.
+Foreman, His version of a compliment. (Park nods) I spoke to the head of neurology in Parkcago. I gave you a good recommendation.
+Park, Did you mention what happened?
+Foreman, Lawyers say I'm not allowed to. It works out well for Everyone.
+Park, (slightly angry) Why exactly is that good for you?
+Foreman, Excuse me?
+Park," I'm a talented physician, top 2% of my class. I'm an asset to this hospital, an asset you're about to lose to Parkcago."
+Foreman, You applied for the job. You asked me to call and recommend you.
+Park, Andrews is the one that should leave. He's the supervisor. He touched me first.
+Foreman," I can't discuss any of that, not before the hearing. But if you're having doubts about Parkcago, I can call them back."
+Park, (meekly) No. Thank you.
+Park, Dr. Foreman? Would you look at this?
+Foreman, Iron?
+Park, No. White blood cells.
+Foreman, (looking at the monitor) Classic presentation of infection.
+Park, How the hell did we miss that?
+Note," Its not clear exactly where his is in the hospital, but a card on the bouquet says ""OBGYN L&D,""� and there are bookshelves along the walls, so I'm guessing its the doctors lounge in the OB, GYN department)]"
+Park," Biopsy rEvealed, white blood cell inflitrates."
+House," Infection was right, after all."
+House, Fresh fruit in prison is usually Parkcken.
+Park, Why aren't you more alarmed? We're running out of time.
+House," (yelling) Aahh, she's dying! (speaking normally again) Were you able to figure out what was wrong while I was screaming?"
+Park, Infection was the first thing that the transplant team treated for.
+House," Which would have worked if the bacteria had been out in the open. If they're hiding inside the lung cells! I'm thinking brucella. And to wipe that out, you need special ops. (Park looks confused) An intact immune system."
+Park, (reaParkng for and eating a piece of fruit) But that's what white blood cells are.
+House," They're part of the immune defense force, like the infantry. But those lungs need the Air Force and the Marines, antibodies raining down from above. (Park still does not understand)"
+House, (explaining) Antibiotics and IVIG.
+Park, Did you use metaphors for your old team? Or do you just think I'm particularly stupid?
+House," No, they were stupid too."
+Theresa, (to Bobby) What are you doing here?
+Bobby, I'm here for Vanessa.
+Theresa," Now is not the time, Bobby."
+Bobby," She asked me to come. Right, Doc?"
+Wilson," (to Theresa) Actually, it was my idea."
+Theresa, What? What were you thinking? She doesn't want to see him.
+Wilson," When Vanessa was ready to quit chemo, Bobby's the one who got her to do one more round."
+Theresa," Yeah, and then he got her drunk. (to Bobby) At least tell me you haven't been drinking today."
+Bobby, I should go.
+Vanessa," (waking up) Hail, hail, the gang's all here."
+Bobby, (to Vanessa) Hey beautiful.
+Vanessa, Hi.
+House, (lifting his head to look at Wilson) Case is under control. It's me time.
+Wilson, Vanessa's gonna do the lung slurry. (House props himself up on his elbows and looks at Wilson) You were right to push me. I needed that. Thank you.
+House, So we're good?
+Wilson," It was good advice. Just, came here to say thank you."
+House," I like you. (WiIson stops and looks back at House) I have fun with you. (House pushes up to a sitting postion) And, if you can honestly say that you don't like me, you don't have fun with me, I can accept that. But, just do whatEver you have to do to get over this. You can punch me in the face, kick me in the nuts. Either/or. Both seems excessive."
+Wilson," The thing is, House! I don't like you. (He leaves)"
+House, When did the discoloration start?
+Park, A few minutes after I started the IVIG.
+House, Means we're wrong about infection.
+ Simpson," And by we, you mean you. You screwed up the lungs."
+House," Wrong about autoimmune, not cancer, heavy metals, genetic issues! Increase peep."
+ Simpson, Already maxed out. We're close to the point of no return. The lungs will nEver be viable for transplant.
+House, I need! I need ideas.
+Park, IgA nephropathy.
+House, That's already ruled out.
+ Simpson, Lupus.
+House, (frustrated) No--o.
+Park, Maybe we're just out of time.
+House, We're out of time when we're out of time. When they die or she dies. Keep them stable as long as you can. I need to think. (He leaves)
+Wilson," One, two! three!"
+Everyone, Make a wish. Make a wish.
+House, The lungs are a smoker. (speaking to the lungs) You of all people should know better.
+Park, But the kid nEver smoked.
+House, He played poker. Who plays poker without cigars? Even if he didn't light up himself! It was a rainy night. The windows were closed.
+House," All parents think their kids are special. And these ones were right. At least his white blood cells were special. They had an on switch for reacting to smoke, but no off. When he inhaled small amounts of smoke, he had small pRoblems. No one Even noticed. Big amounts of smoke, that's enough to trash a lung. As soon as he breathed in all that cigar smoke, he was a dead Man. The motorcycle accident was an unnecessary dramatic flourish."
+Park," Eosiniphilic pneumonitis. But, the steroids would have treated for that."
+House," I was right. Not about anything medical, but my metaphors were perfect. We need to hit it harder. We need to carpet bomb, blitzkrieg. We need the nuclear option."
+Park," At some point you're going to say we need to radiate, right?"
+House," See, the metaphors work."
+Park, But that'll destroy the good lung too. Better to go with a strong cocktail of immunosuppressants.
+House, Won't be fast enough. Wilson needs these lungs.
+Park, It's working.
+Park, (looking up at Foreman) He did it.
+Park, I'm not going to Parkcago.
+Foreman," If you stay, we have to have a hearing."
+Park, I know.
+Park, Dad! Do you have a minute?
+Surgeon, Thoracic cavity clear. Ready for the donor lungs.
+Theresa, Thank God you called him.
+Theresa, I wonder what happens now.
+Wilson, She can handle it.
+Foreman, (coming up behind House) House!
+Foreman, Got something for you.
+Foreman, I found your stuff in storage.
+Foreman, This is all you get. Ortho still has the outer office.
+House," Well, that sucks. Where are Chase, Taub, and Thirteen gonna sit?"
+Foreman," You're welcome, House."
+House, Oof!
+Wilson, (rubbing his fist) Ah!
+Wilson, Dinner later? I'll pick something up.
+House, (still lying on the floor and rubbing his jaw) I heard about a good new vegetarian place.
+Wilson, Screw that. I want a steak.
+Wilson, I'll meet you at your place at 8:00. (He leaves)
+Lady," If you don't know how to use a computer, we will teach you here. Most jobs require at least basic word processing skills. We try to get you up to 50 words per minute. We also have a course in how to talk to someone in an interview. Stuff like what employers are looking for, how to turn negatives into positives. We can also provide clothes for the interview if you need them. People donate shoes and suits all the time."
+Benjamin," Wh-what if I had a history with, uh! with drugs?"
+Lady," That is nothing to be ashamed of. Many of our clients have struggled with addiction, and, if you want to get clean, we'll help you do that."
+Benjamin, And what if I have a kid?
+Lady, No one to help you?
+Benjamin," You know, if I need someone to watch her while I'm in class or, uh, on an interview. Could you help with that?"
+Lady," We do not provide Parkld care. Actually, it's something that comes up often. I would love to be able to do it. I just don't have the resources. But it's definitely on the wish list."
+Benjamin," Okay! Okay, uh, thank you. I'll be back."
+Lady," Oh, I have to take this. Yes, please come back, we'll get you started. It was nice to meet you, Benjamin."
+Lady, Okay.
+Lady," Hey, Oscar. Agh! Oh, that is too bad. Did they tell you why?"
+Lady," Yeah! Mm-hmm. Well, you know what? Sometimes, you just don't get the job, but!"
+Lady," Oscar, I gotta call you back."
+Lady," Oh! uh, uh!"
+Lady," Benjamin! Benjamin, wait!"
+Lady," Oh, my God. Uh!"
+Lady, Somebody call an ambulance!
+Park, Why am I watParkng you cut your hair?
+House," If I do it at home, I'm the one who has to clean it up."
+Park, I was referring less to where it's happening and more to why.
+House," New life, new look."
+Park, Does that mean you like your new life?
+House," If you're asking if your job is safe, that depends on what you have to say about the file you're holding."
+Park," It doesn't seem like much of a case. Although, I'm sure I'm wrong!"
+House, You are. Tell me why.
+Park," Guy collapsed after being on his feet for hours on a hot day without breakfast, so! that's really weird."
+House," E.R. found nothing wrong, then I decided I should test his wallet."
+Park, He's rich? That's why we're taking the case?
+House," No, we're taking the case because no one knows what's wrong with him. And he's rich."
+House, Dr. Adams. (To Park) Give her the file.
+Park, This is my only copy.
+House," My M.O. depends upon the use of a team. Definitionally, that involves! more than one person. So I really have no choice. Give her the file."
+Park, You can't afford a team.
+House," Adams is free. And I'm referring both to her availability and her price tag (Adams gives him a look). New girl, meet newer girl, and vice versa."
+Adams, You said we were meeting for coffee.
+House," Well, when someone asks if you want coffee, they obviously don't just mean coffee. Wait! did you think I was referring to sex? (To Park) Would you shut the blinds on your way out?"
+Adams, I thought you were referring to talking.
+House," Talking about medicine. Specifically, as it refers to the guy whose name is on the file she still hasn't handed you."
+Adams," I'm not working, House. I'm in the process of looking for a paying job."
+House," In the meantime, there's no way a do-gooder like you has been volunteering all over town � ladling kittens, spaying soup!"
+Adams, There is a free clinic in Trenton.
+House," Well, think of this as today's free clinic. Only with fewer bums with herpes."
+Park, I don't think we actually have much of a case. I think it's just dehydration.
+House, What happened the last time another doctor told you I was wrong about a case?
+Adams, I lost my job.
+House, You saved a life.
+Cut to, Benjamin's room--
+Benjamin, Is an ultrasound really necessary? I'm feeling much better now.
+Adams," Oh, a sudden collapse at your age can indiCate a deterioration of the heart muscle. Pretty serious condition."
+Park," It can also just be dehydration. (To Benjamin) Next time, you could pRobably drop the undercover act."
+Benjamin," I walk in a suit, and they're gonna put their best foot forward. Also, I don't own a suit."
+Adams, (While performing the ultrasound) You give away millions and you don't own a suit?
+Benjamin," I gave those away too. One day, I was writing a check to my landscaper, and it suddenly hit me � $6,000 to take out plants and put in different plants. So I can look at them. Shouldn't I use that money to do something important?"
+Adams," And by money, you mean all your money."
+Benjamin," I started with 10 million, and I couldn't think of a reason not to give 20. Or 40. I figure I could live off $25,000 a year. One-room apartment. Bus pass, thrift stores. Bare necessities. I still have my software company. And when I make more, I'll give that way too."
+Cut to, House's office--
+Park, He's nuts.
+Adams, He's generous.
+Park, There's a neurological issue. He's getting rid of Everything.
+Adams, His echocardiogram is negative for cardiomyopathy. Head CT showed no signs of stroke or hemorrhage.
+Park, He has one pair of pants.
+Adams, Most people with his kind of money are commissioning oil paintings of their Yorkshire terrier. Benjamin is sacrificing his own comfort to help others.
+House, That's because helping others is his Yorkie oil painting.
+Adams, That's good. Not sick.
+Park," That's naive and sick. You really want to improve things? You do it through policy. This guy empties his pockets, what really changes?"
+House," That's right, all those babies with AIDS, they're just using us."
+Park," My parents had $800 between them when they got here. They scraped and borrowed so we could go to good schools, and I worked my ass off. No one gave me a handout. It makes me work harder."
+House, (Pointing to Adams) Rebuttal.
+Foreman, What's your evil plan?
+House, I object to your cynicism.
+Foreman, It's been earned.
+House," That's what I object to. The new Dean of Medicine has an ethical obligation to come in with a completely open mind about all employees, thus letting me blithely run roughshod for at least four weeks."
+Foreman," My theory is that you're running a battery of tests to convince him that you saved his life, then con him into funding you to hire back your team."
+House, (Sarcastically) What?
+Park, Your old team?
+House, [Shouts] What?
+Foreman," This is your new reality. You've got your office. You've got neighbors. You've got one employee, one volunteer. Until she finds actual, paid work, or gets sick of you."
+House, I talked to Chase and Taub. They're willing to come back.
+Foreman, What about Thirteen?
+House, Not a good choice. She's not long term because she has no long term.
+Foreman, Not taking your calls?
+House, She will.
+Foreman, Discharge the Patient.
+House," Unexplained loss of consciousness could be cardiomyopathy, global anoxia, subarachnoid hemorrhage�"
+Foreman," Dehydration. He was given fluids, and he got better. And I'm sure your tests have come up negative, or you would have shut me up already. Which means he goes home."
+Park, There is a symptom! Extreme altruism.
+Foreman," You've got two choices, House. You can recognize that your Patient is just a very nice, healthy guy, and send him home, or you can consider altruism a symptom. In which case, you cannot take his money. (Walks out)"
+House, (To Park) Send him home. And check with admitting for the net worth of all new Patients.
+Cut to, PPTH lobby--
+Thirteen," (Sitting in a couch) I'm not coming back, House."
+House," Technically, you're back right now."
+Thirteen," (While standing up)I need you to stop calling me. First 17 messages were cute, but�"
+House, I'm putting the band back together.
+Thirteen," Interesting that you nEver showed up at my place, what with your love of annoying me and your inability to take no for an answer. I'm guessing ankle monitor."
+House, (Showing her his monitor) Guilty as charged. Literally.
+Thirteen," I'm not a doctor anymore, House."
+House," The job went away, but not the profession. You look healthy, so! that's not it. You met a boy. Or a girl. Fall in love, wanna be happy. You decided to! enjoy what time you have left. You're going to Thailand."
+Thirteen, Girl. And Mykonos.
+Thirteen, Turns out I like boring.
+House," No, you wanna like boring. But if you actually liked boring, you would have figured that out in fifth grade, when you were bored."
+Thirteen, Please stop calling me.
+House, (As she leaves) No.
+House, You showed up to tell me that you don't want to hear from me. That's a mixed signal. I will choose to listen to your actions rather than your words. They're more honest.
+Cut to, Benjamin's room--
+Benjamin, I'm a little confused.
+Park, The test is designed to determine if you're�
+Benjamin," No, I mean you're running a test and discharging me. Was I dehydrated or not?"
+Adams," I think so. But, out of an abundance of caution, my colleague has taken it upon herself to do one more test."
+Benjamin, All right.
+Adams, You scare me a little.
+Benjamin, [Laughs] Why?
+Adams, I've been considering applying to Doctors Without Borders. Going overseas a while and that seems like a huge sacrifice. But! you�
+Park, You don't scare her. You make her feel guilty.
+Benjamin," Oh, you! you like your life the way it is. Most people give the minimum they have to give so they can enjoy what they have left. I guess my minimum is just! higher than most."
+Park, Complete recruitment and interference pattern. His leg muscles are fine.
+Benjamin," I feel, uh, funny."
+Adams, Where?
+Benjamin, My chest.
+Park, You're tachycardic. Your heart's beating too fast.
+Adams, Unbelievable.
+Cut to, House's office--
+Park, Patient got tachycardic to 185. We pushed 18 milligrams adenosine. There's definitely something wrong with him.
+House," Which is awesome. Now there's something to cure, which means there's something to be disproportionately financially grateful for."
+Adams, Morning. Got you a coffee.
+Park, Thanks.
+House, Arrhythmia could easily have caused the collapse that landed Father Teresa in here in the first place.
+Adams," Oh, that's fine. Keep it."
+Adams," We looked at his heart yesterday, didn't see any structural abnormalities. I'm thinking occult long QT syndrome?"
+Park, What about Whipple's?
+House," If it was Whipple's, there'd be some kind of neurological involvement."
+Park, You don't think defying huMan nature is neurological?
+House, Racing heart: Medical condition. Bleeding heart: Stupid condition.
+Park," Are you saying that because you beliEve it, or because it's in your financial best interest to think his generosity isn't just temporary?"
+House, I'm told that some people are just nice. I'm trying to embrace that wisdom.
+Adams, Benjamin's been taking allergy medication the last few weeks. Long QT syndrome can be medication-induced.
+House," Flush him with saline, get rid of the antihistamines, then do an EKG. No, wait. I'll do the flushing. (To Adams) Take the damn $2.00. She hasn't Even sipped the coffee. (Walks out)"
+Cut to, Benjamin's room--
+House," I just got so angry. You know? So I made a terrible mistake. Now I'm trying to start my life over. To help people the way I always wanted. But my department got defunded, and! it's my fault. Just can't stand to think of all those Patients going untreated because I don't have the resources to do my best work."
+Benjamin, How about I help you out?
+House, How do you mean?
+Benjamin," I'll give a million dollars as an endowment to the hospital, earmarked for diagnostics."
+House," Wow. I am an opportunistic ex-con who just gave you a two-minute sob story as step three in my master plan, and you've offered me a million dollars. Which is step 17."
+Benjamin, Is that bad?
+House, Ethics are not my strong suit.
+Cut to, Wilson's office--
+House," Hypothetical � if I'm offered oral sex from a sexaholic, do I have to decline? Don't answer yet. Saying no will cause both of us pain. Saying yes will cause both of us pleasure."
+Wilson," You can't take sex from a sexaholic. You can't give booze to an alcoholic, and you can't take this guy's money."
+House, Could be wrong about the symptom. I'm wrong all the time.
+Wilson, Taking money from a sick person is ethically suspect at best.
+House," What is this, Canada? All we do is take money from sick people."
+Wilson, We work for it.
+House, I'm working!
+Wilson, How much?
+House," 20 dollars. (Wilson gesticulates) Well, what if it was? It's the same principle. 20 dollars, a million! What's the difference?"
+Wilson," Actually, the difference is pretty much a million dollars."
+House," He came up with the figure, not me."
+Wilson," Crap. Got a Patient with end stage renal disease. Her heart can't support dialysis. She needs a transplant, but! (House is thinking, looking distracted) you tuned out as soon as it stopped being about you, didn't you?"
+House, What?
+Wilson, I gotta go.
+House," It's all moot. Patient pRobably has long QT. PRobably just a really, really decent person. They exist, right?"
+Cut to, Treatment room--
+Benjamin, Is long QT bad?
+Park, It's a tough thing to control. Is there someone you want me to call?
+Benjamin," There's someone I would like to call. She's the same person who won't take my calls. My wife. When I started giving away the money, I-I hoped she'd want to do it with me. She didn't. I miss them. I have two little boys. Having a family doesn't exempt me from social responsibility."
+Park, But family comes first.
+Benjamin," It should. I know that sounds weird, but! someone who's related to you, does that empirically makes them more special? More deserving than anyone else?"
+Park," Yes, it gives you a responsibility."
+Benjamin," My boys have a roof over their heads. They're not starving. I pay court-ordered Parkld support, and, frankly, it's, uh! more than they need. I love them more than anything, I just! I can't justify buying video games and private schools when other people's Parkldren are starving. I hope, one day, they'll understand that."
+Park, Your hands are trembling.
+Benjamin, Is it the electrodes?
+Park, Are you in pain?
+Benjamin, No. What's happening?
+Park," I'm not sure, but it's not what we thought it was."
+Cut to, PPTH cafeteria--
+House," So! arrhythmia, fainting, muscle tremors. Plus, unfortunately, mental changes."
+Adams, (To House) I still don't think it's neurological. (Park sits beside Adams)
+House, God bless you.
+Park, He lost his wife and kids because he couldn't stop giving money away.
+Adams, He lost his wife because she couldn't accept not being filthy rich.
+House, (To Park) She's not drinking the coffee either.
+Park," Drink it, don't drink it. The point is, I gave it to you, so we're Even."
+Adams, Even? It was a gift. An insignificant token. There was nothing owed. That was the whole point.
+Park, Why?
+Adams, Why?
+House," Yeah, why?"
+Adams, She's the crazy one.
+Park, So a guy gives Everything away to strangers: Sane. Girl who doesn't want anything from a stranger: crazy.
+Adams, You're not a stranger. And your perverse view of the world is making you force a neurological component onto an obviously cardiological�
+House," Your parents didn't love you enough. So you need to prove your superiority. Or they love you too much, so you need to prove your humility. Or it's just rich guilt. I'm betting on the last one."
+Adams, There's a whole list of drugs that could have caused his symptoms.
+House, I doubt the guy would spend money on drugs when there are orphans out there without cable.
+Park," Anyway, he'd be getting better right now, not worse. Could be polyarteritis nodosa."
+Adams, That comes with a rash. Echovirus.
+House," [Echoing] Virus, virus, virus, virus!"
+Adams," Fits his physical symptoms. And could, but doesn't necessarily cause personality changes. (House and Park look at her) Works for Everyone?"
+House," Start him on antivirals. And, Adams! when you treat, and he gets better, and doesn't give Bob CratParkt Christmas day off, you owe me a coffee. (He gets up and walks out)"
+Cut to, House's office--
+Thirteen," (on the phone from her House) Click the third tab from the left and find the box that says ""previous entries."" You get a drop-down menu sorted by Patient name and department."
+House, Thank you. Appreciate your help.
+Thirteen," You're gonna read too much into this, aren't you?"
+House," No, not at all."
+Thirteen, We're gonna fundamentally disagree about what it means to read too much into this. Aren't we?
+House," Yes, absolutely."
+Thirteen," Look, I thought about what you said, and I realized you were right."
+House, Great. See you tomorrow morning.
+Thirteen," No, you won't."
+House, Afternoon? I can't think of another interpretation.
+Thirteen," Shut up. Look, I'm not sure what you were trying to aParkEve. I'm nEver quite sure. But you were actually a friend to me when I needed it. I don't wanna come back to work for you. But I was wrong to try to push you out of my life."
+House," (Looking at his computer screen) Everything has gone blue. That's not supposed to happen, right?"
+Thirteen, Stay there. I'm comin'.
+House," No! you don't have to do that. Although, if you did come, maybe you could swing by the Hunan Palace and get some lo mein and a Szechuan beef."
+Thirteen, That is six miles out of my way.
+House," Oh, okay, then. Guess I'll get something from the hospital cafeteria, which is where I get all my meals since I can't go anywhere."
+Thirteen, [Sighs] Fine. I'll get the food.
+House, You're a peach.
+Cut to, PPTH locker room--
+Park, I started the last round of pleconaril.
+Adams, Can you do me a favor?
+Park, A favor? (Adams hands Park a box with a pair of heeled shoes in it) You want me to return these? Give them to someone? Wear them while you masturbate?
+Adams, [Scoffs] I! want you to have them.
+Park, That's not a favor.
+Adams, It was a two-for-one sale. I couldn't resist. I need to justify buying them.
+Park, They're $120. My car is in the shop. I'm short on cash this month. I can't pay you back. (Hands them to Adams)
+Adams, The first pair were $120. These! (Returning them back to Park) were free.
+Park, You do know I punched the last person that pissed me off?
+Adams, Was it Santa? (Walks out)
+Cut to, PPTH lobby-- (House is signing out)
+Wilson, What's your Patient's status?
+House, Better. We're discharging him.
+Wilson, [Sighs] Good. (Starts walking back to the clinic)
+House," Hey, hey, hey. Why do you care? Specifically. Although I'm curious about a general answer too."
+Wilson, Your guy just signed up to donate a kidney to my Patient with renal failure.
+House, Did he meet your Patient with renal failure?
+Wilson," No, he heard the nurses talking about her, that she was short on time."
+House, I was wrong.
+Wilson," Don't say that. House, she really needs this kidney."
+House, He's not better. His mental status is declining.
+Wilson, Or he's doing an amazing thing for another huMan being.
+House, I thought it was an ethical no-brainer that we can't take stuff from sick people.
+Wilson, I changed my mind.
+Cut to," PPTH corridor, walking to Benjamin's room--"
+House, He's still sick.
+Wilson, His symptoms have gone away.
+House, Not all of them. Offering an organ to a stranger is a symptom.
+Wilson, A couple dozen people a year make undirected kidney donations.
+House," Yeah, how Many of them are also in the process of pauperizing themselves?"
+Wilson," If the guy threw himself on a grenade, he'd be a hero. If it saves a life, who cares?"
+House," You do! Yesterday, when you made the exact opposite argument. If there's Even a chance I'm right, it'd be dangerous to give his kidney to someone else."
+Wilson, More dangerous than complete renal failure? My Patient needs this. Now.
+House," Yeah. If only we could kill 60,000 more people a year, all would be golden."
+Benjamin, I'll give you your money.
+House, See? Crazy.
+Foreman, Being a live donor has risks.
+Benjamin," I looked it up. The risk is 1 in 4,000 I could die during surgery, which means, if I don't donate, I'm valuing my life at 4,000 times someone else's. It's not like I want to be cut open and have a part of me taken out. But I've got two, and this Woman has none. She'll die without it."
+Wilson, Perfectly logical.
+House, People with mental deficiency can be logical. Just like sane people can be illogical.
+Foreman, This kidney thing is the only evidence you have that he's sick. I'm gonna let him be a donor. (Wilson and Foreman walk out)
+Benjamin," Dr. House, it's not a symptom. Come back after you're convinced that I'm healthy, and I will give you your money."
+House," No, you won't. (Limps out to a bench where Park is sitting. She gets up and follows him)"
+House, We have time for one more test before we move him.
+Park, What test?
+House," WhatEver test will prove there was an echovirus-irus-irus, and he's not cured, obviously."
+Park," I've been saying all along this could be Whipple's. Causes arrhythmia, tremor, and mental changes."
+House, Bad idea. There's no joint pain. Where's Adams?
+Park, We thought the case was over. She has a job interview.
+Park, Why is she here?
+House, 'Cause I called her. Bigger question is why that worked.
+Thirteen, I'm here because I have time and you have a crisis and I�
+House, We're too busy for rationalizations. Patient made a big downgrade in his personal life. He's pRobably not eating all that healthy.
+Park, Magnesium deficiency?
+House," Wait until they take him back to his room � draw blood, do an expanded electrolyte profile."
+Thirteen," No, he hasn't had anxiety or any trouble sleeping. I think it's Whipple's disease."
+Park, Bad idea. He doesn't have joint pain.
+Thirteen," Joint pain is common, but not definitive. Whipple's explains all of his symptoms, including the personality change. And it would respond to antibiotics, which is why he started to feel better. Which doesn't mean he's not still sick."
+House, (To Park) You were right. Counts for nothing if you can't defend it. Book a procedure room. Do an upper endoscopy and run a PCR test for Whipple's.
+House, Guilt. You feel guilty about leaving.
+Thirteen," Yes, I think that little of you and that much of me. You're nothing without me. (she gets up)"
+House, Not leaving me. Leaving huManity.
+Thirteen, I'm going with my girlfriend. The Woman I love.
+House, To have fun.
+Thirteen," You're trying to make me feel guilty because you're saving lives here. And I think that's great. I'm proud to have been a part of it, but! now! I just wanna be happy."
+House, Oh! no one's unhappy in Greece.
+Cut to, Clinic room--
+Woman, It just appeared in the last few weeks. He's having trouble holding a pencil in school.
+House," Does it itch? Do anything different lately? You get a new baseball glove, a new kitten?"
+Woman," Well, the neighbors put in a pool, so he's been spending a lot of time over there. But, well, if it was something in the water, it would be Everywhere, wouldn't it?"
+House, It is in the water.
+Woman, He's allergic to chlorine?
+House, No! [Inhales deeply] He's allergic to summer lilac.
+Woman, That's my lotion. And it's not in the pool.
+House," No, it's on the palms of his hands. In the pool is the neighbor's daughter. Or the neighbor's hot wife. Here's some lube. (Gives it to the kid) Sorry. Too late for your eyesight."
+Cut to," Test room-- House walks in, where Park is doing some tests."
+Park, Endoscopy didn't rEveal any lesions in the small intestine. I'm running PCR test now.
+House, Found it in my office. Appears to be a gift. That can't be good. (Gives it to Park)
+Park, Damn it.
+House, You got her the job interview.
+Park, And that was supposed to be the end of it. I! don't take charity.
+House, Good for you! You loon.
+Park, I don't like owing people things.
+House," So either you're so insecure that you feel like you need to always have the upper hand, or you're so arrogant that the notion of a favor is insulting to you. Or it's your family, some kind of immigrant pride thing. I'm betting on the last one."
+Park, I just don't like it. It makes me feel! icky.
+House, That's the reason? Ickiness? You nEver Even tried to analyze this? It's Even crazier than the gift thing.
+Park, House! (looking at the computer screen) there's no sign of tropheryma DNA. It's not Whipple's.
+House, Well! we did what we could.
+Cut to, Operating room--
+Wilson, You sure you wanna do this?
+Surgeon, Go a little bit more along here.
+Wilson," Dr. Simpson. Heart rate's 140, pressure's dropping. Get him adenosine, stat."
+ Simpson, Patient's unstable. Surgery's off.
+Cut to, House's office--
+Adams," Arrhythmia's back. He's on Heparin and stable for now, but this could put him at risk for stroke or embolism."
+Park, Maybe he got bit by a spider. The symptoms can take up to three days to Manifest.
+Adams, He'd have localized pain.
+Park, LCDD?
+Adams, Almost always hits the kidneys.
+House," Ah, Dr. Foreman. Perhaps you can help us. I can't decide whether to take out an ""I told you so"" ad in the New England Journal or stay classy and just spray-paint it on your car."
+Foreman, You're off the case.
+House, That seems like an overreaction.
+Foreman," You dosed him. Couldn't stand to lose him as a Patient, so you faked his symptom to prove you right."
+Park, That's idiotic. (Foreman gives her a look) Sorry.
+House," Don't apologize. I don't know if you're power crazed or paranoid, but I know she's right. Two lives are in the balance here."
+Foreman," House, I worked for you for sEven years. I know how you operate. So when I see symptoms magically show up right when you need them�"
+House," And I was your boss for sEven years. And I know what a suspicious, microManaging hard-ass you are. Why would I do this now? Knowing you can send me right back to jail?"
+Foreman, What'd you give him?
+House, Nothing! You can't prove otherwise. So why don't you do the smart thing here?
+Foreman, You're off the case. You no longer have access to this Patient. (Walks out)
+Adams, You can't let him do this.
+House, [Sighs] He's the boss. And he's right.
+Cut to," PPTH lobby (from the second floor)-- House is eating some kind of candy. He looks down to the lobby, where the janitor is wiping the floor. House throws one candy to the floor, where the janitor is wiping. The janitor looks around, but doesn't see who threw it. Adams comes where House is standing."
+Adams, I assume you dosed the Patient because you're really certain he has a neurological condition?
+House, I assume you're interpreting my actions in the best possible light 'cause you didn't get the job? [Paper crumpling] What's with you and Park?
+Adams, Nothing.
+House," I expect my people to lie better than that. Either you're getting her gifts because you want her to like you, in which case I don't like you, or you're getting her gifts to screw with her. In which case, I will be teaParkng you my secret homey handshake."
+Adams, I just! I thought it was interesting she couldn't accept that coffee. I wanted to see how deep it went.
+House, But now?
+Adams," Oh, now I just want to win."
+House, [Chuckles softly] What was in the box?
+Adams, Gift certifiCate. The Spa.
+House," Nah, that's not gonna do it. You're up against a lifetime of training. If you wanna win, you gotta do something she can't possibly reciproCate. You gotta push her neuroses to the point where Even she thinks that she's crazy."
+House," One more favor. Then I promise, I'll leave you alone forEver. Or I'm lying. Either way, it's more interesting than whatEver you're doing now."
+Cut to," Benjamin's room-- Benjamin is sleeping. Outside his room, a Woman is looking at him. Thirteen, who was going to Benjamin's room, sees her and talks to her."
+Thirteen, Can I help you?
+Woman, I'm his wife. We're separated. I heard he was sick. I just! wanted to see him. He's giving a kidney to someone he's nEver met?
+Thirteen," He wants to, yeah. I know he's talked about you. He's been alone all this time. I'm sure it would mean a lot to him to see you."
+Woman," I wanted to spend my life with him, but! I need to feel like he loves me more than other people. Like he loves our kids more. Maybe that's selfish! I should go. (She leaves, and Thirteen walks into Benjamin's room)"
+Benjamin, Was that my wife?
+Thirteen," I don't know. You the guy, the kidney donor?"
+Benjamin," There was a pRoblem, but! I'm gonna try again."
+Thirteen, Um! to give it to the same lady?
+Benjamin, She needs it.
+Thirteen, Okay. NEver mind.
+Benjamin, Wait. What do you � what do you want?
+Thirteen," Uh, it's nothing. It's just! I have polycystic kidney disease. And I need a transplant, and they say I don't have much time, so when I heard that you were willing, I just! But I'm glad it's going to someone."
+Benjamin," (Grabs Thirteen by the arm, just when she was going to leave) I'll give it to you."
+Thirteen, But you already promised it to someone else.
+Benjamin, I have another one. Saving one life is good. Saving two is better.
+Thirteen," You give away two kidneys, and you die."
+Benjamin, I could live on dialysis for years.
+Thirteen," Yes, and � and then you die."
+Benjamin," And then I could donate my other organs. Heart, lungs. I could save four or five more lives."
+Thirteen, Foreman's gonna need a diagnostician. This guy is crazy.
+Cut to, House's office--
+Adams," Arrhythmia, muscle tremors, and, yes, mental changes. If his heart doesn't rupture, he's liable to rip it out and give it away."
+House," You know, the ""down"" vibe in here is totally ruining my Charlie's Angels fantasy. [Buzzing continues] (To Park) And that haircut isn't helping, either."
+Thirteen, It seems like Graves disease or some other thyroid issue.
+Park," Is she on the team now? Like, forEver?! His thyroid lEvels were within normal range when he was admitted."
+Adams, Could be Coxsackie B virus.
+House, Or pericarditis.
+Thirteen," What about porphyria? It's a little weird without the rash, but it fits all of his other symptoms."
+Adams," And if it is acute intermittent porphyria, that would explain why his symptoms keep recurring."
+House, It's unlikely! but it's possible. What else? (Nobody says a thing) I said what else?
+House," Oh, for!"
+House," There. That's better. Now, what else? (Thirteen, Adams, and Park are all out of ideas.) Well, if there's nothing better than possible, then possible gets upgraded to pRobable."
+Adams, I'll start him on hematin.
+Thirteen," No, I'll go. (She gets up and leaves the office. House follows her to the hall)"
+House," So what's the answer? Are you now on the team? [Mocking Park] Like, forEver?"
+Thirteen, I don't know.
+House, 'Cause I was thinking of ordering T-shirts.
+House, So! guilt?
+Thirteen," Yes, you were right. You're always right. I just! I have the skills to help people. Is it okay for me to walk away from that because I! want to just have fun?"
+House, Obviously not.
+Cut to, Wilson's office-- House opens the door.
+House, How's your Patient?
+Wilson, She died a few hours ago.
+Wilson," No department. No money. And somehow, you Managed to con her into hanging around."
+House," I have a gift. (Suddenly, it hits him. He gets one of his million-yard stares, those where he figures what's the deal with his Patient, typical when he's with Wilson)"
+Wilson, What?
+House, It was a con.
+Wilson, The Patient was faking?
+House," No, I was. I brought him in here under false pretenses. Just to get his money. I ordered a bunch of random tests to keep him here. One of them was a head CT, which uses! iodine contrast."
+Wilson, You think he's allergic to Iodine?
+House," No, again. Just don't interrupt me. Thirteen was right. This is a thyroid issue. He has Plummer's disease. (He gets up) He has a nodule in his thyroid. It produces excess hormone. Not enough to test abnormal, just more than his brain is used to. Just enough to make him irrationally generous, make him vulnerable to overheating."
+Wilson, Then you pumped his body full of Iodine and kicked him into thyrotoxicosis.
+House," I said don't interrupt. But, yes, you're right. Take out the nodule, he'll be fine."
+Cut to," Benjamin's room-- Benjamin is in his bed, with a gauze in his neck. House is sitting beside him, reading a 'Guitar' magazine. Benjamin wakes up."
+House," Two days, one surgery. I now accept that you're all better. Where's my money?"
+Benjamin, You made me sick.
+House," You were already sick. I just made you much, much worse. Seriously! the money. You're not giving it to me, are you?"
+Benjamin, When you're facing death! some things come into focus. My wife!
+House, You love your family. You want them back. Your altruism was always a symptom.
+Benjamin," No, it wasn't. I'm still gonna�"
+House, Keep less? How much less? Just enough to spoil your kids?
+Benjamin, No.
+House, But they need it more than people with TB or Parkldren in Indonesia with no eyes? Diagnosticians with hearts of gold?
+Benjamin, I don't wanna give you money because you're an ass.
+House, I was an ass last week.
+Benjamin, I love my family. I want to be with them. That doesn't make me a bad person.
+House, No. It makes you a healthy person. (Walks out)
+Cut to, PPTH locker room--
+Park, My mechanic called. He said the work's been paid for.
+Adams, You mentioned your car was in the shop.
+Park," That's $4,500."
+Adams, Smile and say thank you. Or I get you G.P.S.
+Park, You win. (Gives Adams a fake smile) Thank you.
+Cut to, House's office-- Park enters. House is preparing to leave.
+Park, Your car is getting fixed. You're right. She went for it.
+House, Good work. Need a lift tomorrow? 'Cause your car is still in the shop.
+Park, I don't take charity. I'm just glad it's over.
+House, Nothing is Ever over. (Park leaves)
+Cut to," PPTH lobby-- Thirteen meets her girlfriend in the lobby, and kisses her. Just when they are about to leave, House calls her."
+House, Thirteen. Wait a minute. (Thirteen walks towards House) You're fired.
+Thirteen," Now what? House, I'm starving."
+House, I'm not joking. You're fired. Don't come in tomorrow.
+Thirteen, House!
+House, I can work with people who've got nowhere else to go. People who got something to prove. People who just get off on weird cases. What I can't work with is someone who's here so she doesn't have to feel bad.
+Thirteen, You're trying to save me.
+House, Yes! I think that little of you and that much of me.
+Thirteen," Okay! Bye, House. (She gets watery eyes. She leaves the hospital with her girlfriend, as the episode ends.)"
+Barton, Nice tie.
+Ainsley, Are you at least gonna call the cops this time?
+Ainsley," Come on, Dad. Let Rodrigo do this. Your arthritis is obviously�"
+Barton, I can pick up my own lawn. [He puts the figure in the garbage bag.]
+Ainsley," You know, if you wanted, you could put an end to all this."
+Barton [while cleaning up]," Oh, of course. There are other ways to save the company. I'm only moving it to Parkna because I'm craving egg foo yung."
+Ainsley," You know, I just got off the phone with some investors."
+Barton," Yes, and they want a controlling interest."
+Ainsley, We get to stay here with the people who've been so loyal to this company. Everyone keeps their jobs.
+Barton, It's been a family business for 120 years. There's no way that I'm letting!
+Ainsley, What's wrong?
+Ainsley, Dad?
+Ainsley, Dad.
+Barton, I need you to drive me to a doctor.
+House, This would totally suck.
+Park, Patient's visited Parkna a lot recently. What about the JBE virus?
+House [Still looking at his laptop screen], Why don't you check his vaccination record before you make another stupid! O.M.F.G. 50% off cupcakes. How sick is the Patient? 'Cause this expires today.
+Park," Central serous retinopathy. [She gets up and closes House's laptop.] It's linked to type ""A"" personalities."
+House," Funduscopic exam was normal. If you don't let me read my email, then I won't be able to read the email to the entire staff. From your ex-boss. [She opens the laptop back up.] Thank you. [reading the email] ""Last month, I had an incident involving another P.P.T.H. employee. Though I can't speak to the details of the case while my disciplinary hearing is pending, I want you to know that I have completed voluntary sexual harassment training. And on a personal note, if my actions caused anyone distress, I sincerely apologize."" You are so fired."
+Park, What? He apologized.
+House," What? Because he said he apologized? He's saying he's sorry that someone, namely you, overreacted � namely, by punParkng him."
+Park, He grabbed my behind.
+House, Word is it was a celebratory slap after you completed your first-Ever AVM embolization.
+Park," He grabbed it, he apologized for grabbing it, and now he's taking classes because he grabbed it."
+House," The classes make him sympathetic. Which, in turn, makes his unrepentant attacker! Evil. Which, in turn, in turn, makes you so fired."
+Park, 100 bucks says I won't get fired.
+House," Oh, you don't wanna bet me."
+House," Oh, my."
+House, You're fired.
+Park, I! The bet is�
+House, But I thought�
+Park, After! Then I! Oh�
+House, If only�
+Park, The bet's that I'll get fired after my hearing!
+House," I'll take that action too, but you're already a C-note in the hole."
+House, You're late.
+Adams," Considering I don't work here, arguably, I'm early."
+House, Pearl earrings? Knee-length dress. That's not a very shameful walk of shame.
+Adams, I was at a job interview.
+House, I hope it went terribly.
+Adams, Thad Barton? We only help rich white guys?
+House," I am an equal opportunity exploiter. I only help those who can help myself. [Buzzing sound in the background. A cast is being sawed off in the Orthopedics room, House's former Diagnostics room.] I have a department to re-fund."
+Adams," Atropine poisoning. He's moving his company to Parkna, and his employees are hanging him in effigy. Could have moved on to the real thing."
+House, Pupils are normal.
+Park, Thyrotoxicosis?
+House, Not! a terrible idea. I'm gonna go give him P.T.U. and T.L.C. I have no idea what that second one stands for.
+Barton," Things don't seem small anymore, they�[House is handing him the PTU pills and a glass of water.] I woke up from a nap and, uh, Everything went from really small to really huge."
+House," Well, then, these giant balls of medicine are not gonna work anymore. The change actually makes things simpler. Your occipital lobe is acting up, giving you a migraine."
+Barton, I don't have a headache.
+House [getting rid of the pills], Not all migraines present that way. It's called Alice in Wonderland syndrome.
+Ainsley, Seriously?
+House," I nEver joke. Good news is, it's treatable with medication. Bad news is! it can make you very, very late for very important dates. I sometimes joke."
+Barton," Thank you, Doctor."
+House [Grabbing his pad to write the prescription]," Well, if you really want to thank me, my department's not really a department. 'Cause my boss says he doesn't have the money. Which provides a nice contrast! with you."
+Ainsley, trying to find money in our budget so we don't have to move our operations overseas.
+House," I get it. Answer's no. Shouldn't have said anything. I'm just glad that the symptoms showed up before you left for Parkna. [He hands Barton the prescription.] 'Cause I'm not sure the doctors over there would be so optimistic, considering! [Speaking Mandarin] How they look down on mental illness."
+], You speak Mandarin?
+Ainsley, What are you guys talking about?
+House," Oh, just how different the two cultures are. For example, our opinions on mental illness. Here, it's considered a normal and treatable condition. [Speaking Mandarin] There, it's taboo enough to destroy a high profile business deal."
+Ainsley, Is Everything okay?
+Barton, Everything's fine.
+House [Speaking Mandarin]," I'd nEver breach confidentiality, but! I could have you checked into a facility that exclusively treats mental disorders. How does that sound?"
+Ainsley, WhatEver's gonna get him better.
+Barton, Let's try the medication first. [Speaking Mandarin] How much do you want? [House smiles.]
+House," You're hired! Oh, you guys are gonna love Doctors Chase and Taub. [He grabs a chair and sits with them.] Keep your Nazi sentiments quiet around the little one."
+Park, You got the money? How?
+House, Patient's a smart businessMan.
+Adams, He's destroying thousands of jobs.
+House," Jobs are not being destroyed. They're being reloCated. The fact that you see that as inherently bad means you're an irrational patriot. To put it another way, a patriot."
+Park, Patriotism is natural. We've always relied on our tribes to keep us safe. It's helpful for society if its members have positive feelings about that society.
+House," Iranian women. Drag Queens in Uganda. Patriotism is nothing but loyalty to real estate, real estate that's been conquered 800 times by 800 different regimes with 800 different cultures. But each time, it's just the best. [House leans in and grabs the burger in Adams's plate.] I claim this burger in the name of Queen Isabella of Spain."
+Adams, I'll go check on the Patient. [She gets up and whispers in House's ear as he is about to bite into the burger.] I have Hepatitis C.
+Park [Leaving as well], She got it from me.
+Ainsley," Hey, how's my dad doing?"
+Adams," Ah, great. His vision's back to normal, and if he remains asymptomatic through the night, we'll be able to release him in the morning."
+Aisnley [Texting on her phone] , Any chance that could happen before 9:00? [Adams is surprised.] Our stock dropped a couple points today with the news that he's sick. I would love for him to get out of here before the market opens.
+Adams," No offense, but, uh, I think it's terrible your dad's closing down all your American operations."
+Ainsley," I don't think he's moving the company out of greed. He's moving it out of grief. My mom, she died four months ago. Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, and! It's been hard for him � living in their House, driving down the same streets. I mean, he's constantly reminded of her."
+Ainsley, Dad?
+Adams, I need an intubation kit in here!
+Ainsley, What's going on?
+Adams, Angiography showed a hemorrhagic site in the left lower lobe.
+Park, I think it could be hyperviscosity syndrome. Are you sure Foreman's okay with this thing in his office?
+House, He's nEver gonna know. He's actually in here right now.
+Adams, Blood count and protein count are normal.
+House," I think it could be hyperviscosity syndrome. Sorry, but after Park sent out here hospital-wide non-apology apology this morning, I assume that plagiarism is the new black."
+Park, If it makes Andrews look sympathetic!
+House, Copying him makes you look pathetic. And I will pay you not to go to anger Management classes.
+Park, What about another clotting pRoblem? Factor 5 Leiden deficiency.
+House, It's possible. Adams is the one who needs to deal with her anger.
+Adams, Myelodysplastic syndrome.
+House, I heard about your conversation with the Patient's daughter. You were hostile.
+Adams," Well, their company's making a decision I strongly disagree with."
+House, Yet you were nEver anything but courteous to the racists and rapists in prison. Those guys made decisions you supported?
+Adams, Myelodysplastic syndrome.
+House, I'm guessing it has something to do with the funeral you attended yesterday morning.
+Adams, I was at a job interview.
+House, You got to work at 9:15. Closest hospital with an opening in your specialty is 45 minutes away. It's not possible. My condolences.
+Adams, I wasn't at a funeral.
+House, That just leaves! Everywhere but a job interview.
+House, Who goes there? REveal yourself!
+Foreman, Now. [He enters and walks toward his desk.]
+House," Well, we would. But Orthopedics is still squatting in two thirds of my office, which is weird, 'cause you got a large check last night. [He points at the desk.]"
+Foreman," From a corporation that's going through a very public belt-tightening. Means this donation was given under duress. Patient didn't tell me the whole story, but he did say he'd be thrilled if we didn't cash this. [He rips up the check.] Got a policy review meeting in here in five minutes. Good-bye."
+Foreman, What are you doing?
+House, Holding your ass. You really didn't know?
+Park, House!
+House," Just trying to help you out here. I figure for sure he'd punch me in the face, thus proving it's a natural response. My God, you have super-huMan discipline. And glutes."
+Foreman, Get your hands off me. [House let go and leaves the office. He winks at Foreman on his way out.]
+Park, Sorry.
+Foreman, Go.
+Park, Why! did you do that?
+House, We have a bet.
+Park, But he's the chair of the disciplinary committee. Forget about the bet.
+House, You two really need to do your homework with me. Treat the Patient with activated protein c.
+Adams," If he has myelodysplastic syndrome, he'll bleed out."
+Park," And if he has Factor 5 Leiden deficiency, he'll throw another clot."
+House," Exactly. It's a conclusive test. There's no actual risk. [The elevator doors open and House enters.] As long as you're both paying attention, and are both good enough to work here. [The doors close.]"
+Barton, I hear one of you thinks I'm a real bastard.
+Adams, I guess that would be me.
+Barton," Your boss uses blackmail, and you question my professional ethics?"
+Adams, Will you be instituting worker safety regulations in your new factories?
+Barton," Oh, absolutely."
+Adams, What about juice boxes in the break room for the Parkldren you'll be hiring?
+Barton, Charges of Parkld exploitation against American companies have been blown
+Park, My ten-year-old cousin lives near Cebu City. Works at an American factory.
+Adams, I am so sorry.
+Park," It's the best thing for him. It sucks, but the Filipino factories suck worse, and the schools would suck if they existed. So this is the family's best hope. [Barton is scratParkng his neck.] Are you okay?"
+Barton, Is this supposed to itch like this?
+House, ItParkng. Interesting.
+Adams, Not interesting. Already went away.
+House, Doubly interesting. Means we have to explain the arrival and the departure.
+Ortho doctor," That's real mature, House."
+]," What do you mean? This is outlandishly Parkldish. I custom-built this puppy. It's got 106 leds, each one sending light to your eyes, slightly different wavelength."
+Ortho doctor, Turn that off.
+House, Different wavelengths are stimulating your autonomic nervous system. That's what's making you feel like you're on a boat in choppy waters.
+House, Oh ho ho! Cool.
+Ortho doc, You think I'm not � you think I'm not gonna go to Foreman with this?
+House [Turns off the light]," Oh, you will. And! I'll deny it, and he'll beliEve you. But then these two beliEve that the policy of protecting American jobs starts at home. So they'll nEver testify against me. And you won't be able to prove anything."
+House," Now, if I punched him in the face, that he could prove."
+Adams, I remember you saying something about how loyalty to real estate was stupid.
+House," This is about reclaiming stolen property! Loyalty to real estate is stupid, because loyalty is stupid."
+Park," First patriotism, now loyalty. You hate ice cream too?"
+House," French vanilla, yeah. To willfully identify yourself as something else is a perversion of self-expression."
+Adams, I had a thought. Other than the fact that loyalty is the basis of all meaningful relationships. The daughter said that her mother died of non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. What if she was misdiagnosed?
+House, Dutch chocolate's not bad. Gotta give 'em that.
+Adams," Her lymphoma could have been caused by a virus, HTLV-1, which our Patient contracted through having sex with his wife."
+House," In other words, loyalty gave him cancer. I like it. Start him on radiation. [He leaves his office.]"
+Asian Man, Chang and Eng Bunker. It's the most famous conjoined twins in history. 2011 is the bicentennial of their birth.
+House, The best Halloween costumes are always the ones that need an explanation. [Park comes in.] What took you so long? I already lost one of them.
+Park, You need help with the lacerations?
+House," No, I think I got palliative. Why don't you take prEventative?"
+Park, PrEvent what? He got in a fight.
+House, Which he started. Which means he's both irascible and stupid.
+Asian Man," I told the drunk, racist frat guy the proper term is ""conjoined twin,"" not ""Siamese."""
+House," I can't comment on the drunk or the frat. But Chang and Eng were both, in fact, born in Siam. And they were, in fact, twins. If your name was Richard, it would be okay for me to call you a Dick. But maybe some of the tripe you learn in anger Management class might help keep this guy out of here the next time."
+Park," Sometimes, it's incredibly satisfying to wind up and punch someone who really deserves it. But when you think about the consequences�"
+House," Okay, let's go."
+Park, I thought you wanted me to help him with his anger.
+House," No, I got Everything I need."
+Park [on recorder], Sometimes!
+House, Sometimes! [With playback] It's incredibly satisfying to wind up and punch someone who deserves it. Wonder what the committee's gonna make of that.
+Barton, This is a waste of time. There's no way that Robin gave me an STD.
+Adams," I know this is hard, and I'm sorry about your wife. If you'd like to talk to someone, we do have grief counselors at the hospital."
+Barton," You sound like my daughter. I miss my wife, but it's not driving my decision-making."
+Adams, You were CEO since 1988. You decided to move your company right after your wife died. It stands to reason that your emotions factored in.
+Barton, My wife! is the only thing that keeps me here. I visit her grave once a week.
+Adams, So your daughter was wrong. You just! really need a lot of money.
+Barton," You Ever hear of Kongo Gumi? Construction company in Japan founded in the year 578. Family-owned and operated. Building Buddhist temples for 50 generations. Wen�went bankrupt five years ago. You have any idea how that last CEO must have felt? Sorry, I! have to move."
+Adams, Your heart rate is speeding up. Do you feel any tightness in your chest?
+Barton," Yes, I figured it was from the radiation."
+Adams, I think you're having a heart attack. [She puts a mask over his mouth to help him breathe.]
+Wilson, Come in.
+Park," Dr. Wilson! I need your advice. Um! I bet House $100 that I wouldn't get fired after my disciplinary hearing. [She sits down in front of him.] Ever since then, he's been acting like he's actually trying to get me fired."
+Wilson, That's because he is actually trying to get you fired.
+Park, Does he hate me?
+Wilson, Not sure that's relevant to the equation.
+Park, So it's really over $100?
+Wilson, Not sure the amount is relevant. He's fighting for his honor.
+Park, He'll ruin my career.
+Wilson, Not sure that's-
+Park, What if I bet him $200 I will get fired.
+Wilson, He sees competing Debts with the same person as a disgrace to the game. He'll be Even more motivated to beat you.
+Park," If you were me, what would you do?"
+Wilson, You have to give him something he values more than honor. And you should update your resume.
+Adams, EKG and troponins were equivocal. It's not Even clear if our Patient just had a heart attack or what it was.
+House," Let's look at segmental wall motion abnormalities. Get him an echo to confirm. I need $200,000. [Adams looks shocked and amused.] His company's lost one third of its value since he was admitted."
+Adams, And you want to do some insider trading? I take it felonies aren't a violation of your parole?
+House," It's not insider trading. Just betting on myself to solve the case. Once we cure him, share price goes up, I pay you back."
+Adams, No.
+House," No, you don't say ""no."" You! make a counter offer."
+Adams, I'm not loaning my boss money.
+House," Fine. I'll make you a counter. $100,000. $20,000. I'll buy options instead of shares. More risk, but more upside. But that's as low as I'm gonna go."
+Adams," I could do $5,000."
+House, Really? No backsies.
+Adams, If! you double your clinic hours. Six a week. I've seen how you disrespect those Patients.
+House, So you want twice as Many of them disrespected?
+Adams," Spend more hours with them, you'll treat them more huManely."
+House," And this time, a land war in Russia will be a good idea."
+Adams, Deal?
+House," Here's what I'm thinking. You went to a parole hearing, where one of your old Patients was denied. Hence the attire, hence the tardiness. And, most important, hence the anger. You think you can restore the cosmic balance by doing extra good here. More annoyingly, by having me do it. [Adams walks away.] And deal!"
+House," Of course, you know! this means war."
+Ortho doctor," Oh, I know. I mean, you'll escalate, and then I'll retaliate, and the cycle will continue until we've both gone too far, at which point, I'll! maybe get suspended and! you'll go back to prison. [smiling] Happy pranking."
+Adams," Patient had V-tach in the echo lab, so we capped him, but! coronary arteries were clean."
+Park," If the plumbing's fine, check the electrical. EP study."
+House," Nice idea. Even has a metaphor in it. Not worth more than my honor. But delightful, all the same."
+Park, I'm not going to lose. My college roommate is the editor of the Yale Law Review. She's writing my opening statement.
+House," You will be eloquent in your loss. This case boils down to he said, she said. He said, ""I've been working at this hospital for 15 years and I'm taking self-improvement classes."" She said, ""I've been a fellow for two months, and I'm kind of weird."""
+Park," No, he said, ""I'm a drunk idiot who thinks he can grab girls' behinds without ramifications."""
+Adams," Wait, he was drunk? In the hospital?"
+Park, I already told Foreman he'd been drinking that night.
+House," Andrews was taking sexual harassment classes, not AA. That means he didn't get in trouble for drinking. Which means that Foreman signed off on it, which means that he set all the wheels in motion. Forget that. Wild speculation. Go do the EP study."
+Park," You already knew Andrews was drinking that night, didn't you?"
+Foreman, Yes.
+Park, I think you should cancel my hearing.
+Foreman, I hope this isn't going where I assume it's going.
+Park, You're the one who brought Andrews in. You set the wheels in motion.
+Foreman," We had a Patient who was going to die without an AVM embolization. Andrews! was the only neurologist I could reach. He told me had a few glasses of wine, and that he shouldn't do it, but he also said that you were good. You were ready to do one, as long as you were supervised. So we agreed that he would come in, but wouldn't touch the Patient."
+Park, I can understand the rationalization. We'll see if the Board agrees when I tell them the whole story at my hearing
+Foreman [sighs], I already did. I had a closed session hearing last week. The Board decided to dock me two weeks pay.
+Park, Oh.
+Foreman, Been working for House for two weeks. It's already too long.
+Adams, No sign of any electrical abnormalities in the right atrium.
+Park, I'm so dead. I-I think House set me up. Have you sent the committee a character reference for me?
+Adams, I thought you don't like favors.
+Park, I don't like gifts. It wouldn't be a gift. I would just be you telling the truth.
+Adams, I hardly know you.
+Adams, O2 sat is 89. Did we perforate? Is he tamponading?
+Park, Heart rate's only 90. Neck veins are flat.
+Adams, Then why isn't he saturated?
+House," Seems healthy to me. Let's release him. My option to sell Barton Foods at $34 is about to expire. So they thought the Patient would be better by now. Instead, I am going to lose $20,000."
+Adams, 20?
+House," Your five plus the five I stole from Wilson. Plus the ten I got on margin. You're gonna have to talk to my bankruptcy attorney. [He grabs the chocolate bar he paid for.] Unless! There is a way that you can get your money back. [They all star walking.] Give me the full $200,000."
+Adams," And extrapolating, tomorrow you'll owe just shy of $1 million."
+House," It's your own fault. You forced me to go with the options here. Your damn anger issues are screwing with my finances. Regular stock this time, nice and safe."
+Adams, I'm not angry. I don't know if you're trying to make me angry.
+House, You refuse to bet on yourself. That means low self-esteem.
+Adams," So if I give you $200,000, I'll feel smart and pretty."
+House, Low self-esteem can be brought on by exposure to one's relatives. Nice clothes and anger! Classic symptoms. Family gathering. You were late the other day 'cause you were having breakfast with Grammy Adams or Cousin Itt. And she was nagging you about finding a husband.
+House," Ah, ah, ah, ah! [He stops her with his cane.] No spoilers. They ruin Everything."
+Park [pointing behind her], Pulmonology was that way.
+House, Our Patient's lung pRoblem is not a lung pRoblem. It's a brain pRoblem. We're consulting with Neurology.
+Park, That's my old boss. You don't actually think this is neurological.
+House," I don't know what it is. Maybe I should just accept the Patient's death, if getting help can lead to awkwardness."
+House, Dr. Andrews. My associates. Doctors Adams and Park. [Park seems very uncomfortable.]
+Andrews," Ah. Nice to meet you, Dr. Adams. Hello, Dr. Park."
+Park," Micropsia, bleeding, tachycardia, and difficulty breathing."
+House [Opening the candy wrap and leaning over to Andrews]," Cute butt, huh?"
+Adams, Can we go now?
+House, You really wanna turn your back on this guy? Sorry. Carry on.
+Andrews, Uh! well! It sounds like there could be spinal cord involvement. Have you considered normal pressure hydrocephalus?
+House," Okay, normal pressure hydrocephalus going once. Normal pressure hydrocephalus going twice!"
+Park," It's not his spinal cord, it's the wiring between his heart and his brain. Autonomic dysregulation syndrome. You do a tilt table test, see how his heart rate responds. That'll confirm."
+Andrews," Well, if he has normal pressure hydrocephalus, a tilt table test could put him in a coma."
+Park, Then it's a good thing he has A.D.S.
+House," Do you really beliEve in this diagnosis? Because if this is just a pissing contest, you are at a sEvere anatomical disadvantage."
+Park, It's autonomic dysregulation syndrome.
+House, No! it's normal pressure hydrocephalus. Do a spinal fluid test to confirm.
+Park, We're doing the tilt table.
+Adams, That makes sense. You'd rather have House fire you than Foreman?
+Park, This bet's got to be a test. See if I can handle working with him. I need to prove I have the confidence to disobey him.
+Adams, Do you have any medical justification for your diagnosis?
+Park," The symptoms fit, and Andrews is a hack. Do you think I'm right? [Adams nods.]"
+Adams, No! you need to go prepare for your hearing.
+Adams," 15 more minutes, Mr. Barton."
+Foreman, A skin resurfacing laser is missing.
+Adams, And why are you asking me about it?
+Foreman, Because you work for House.
+Adams, What would House want with a skin resurfacing laser?
+Foreman, I have no idea. Have you seen it?
+Barton, My feet feel hot.
+Adams," That's completely normal. No, but House has been talking about how badly he wants to remove those prison tats."
+Foreman," It's a very expensive maParkne, and I'd like it back. Please tell me if you hear anything."
+Adams, How expensive?
+Foreman," $200,000. He took it."
+Adams, I have no idea.
+Foreman, Park's hearing's about to start.
+Adams," You're covering for him. I did the same thing Many times. My advice to you � figure out what line you aren't willing to cross for him. Because, Eventually, he'll ask you to cross it."
+Adams," How are your feet? [The Patient doesn't answer.] Mr. Barton? Can you hear me, Mr. Barton? [She checks his pulse.] Oh, no."
+Foreman," We have convened the disciplinary committee to decide the appropriate action that should be taken against Dr. Park as a result of her actions on October 7th of this year. Dr. Park, do you have an opening statement."
+Park," Dr. Foreman, members of the committee, thank you for giving me this opportunity to speak to you today, I!"
+Foreman, She's not yours to fire.
+House," You guys better fire her for insubordination, 'cause she went rogue, and my Patient is now in a coma."
+Adams, I'm the one who did the test.
+Park," No, it was my idea!"
+Foreman," Seriously, House?"
+House," At least I'm smart enough to know what I don't know. She went out of her way to defy me! She needs�[Screaming, out of sight] Damn it, you should just fire her!"
+Foreman," My apologies. [He sits down.] My apologies, Dr. Park. Dr. House's comments will, of course, have no bearing on this hearing. Please continue."
+Adams, I can't beliEve you did that.
+House, Right back at ya. Our Patient's dying. We need theories.
+Adams, It's gotta be normal pressure hydrocephalus. Andrews predicted the coma.
+House," Yeah, but Even a broken doctor's right twice a day. Patient wasn't wet, wobbly, or wacky. Coma had to be a lucky guess."
+Adams," If you didn't think he was right, then why did you want us to collect his spinal fluid?"
+House, I didn't. I wanted you to do a tilt table test.
+Adams, You have a wonderful way of communicating.
+House," I knew Park wanted to do a tilt table. She listens to me, I waste an hour. If she defies me! Then I get the test I want and my 100 bucks. [Holding his hand up] Up high."
+House, You're angry.
+Adams, Yes! Now I'm angry. Let's run the test for normal pressure hydrocephalus.
+House, No. What else would explain our symptoms and make our Patient go into a coma during that test? How 'bout hepatic encephalopathy?
+Adams," No, we already tested his liver enzymes. They're normal."
+House, Or his liver's so far gone it can't Even produce enzymes.
+Adams, That's desperate. Fits the symptoms. And Andrews is a hack. Go biopsy to confirm. Unless you want your own hearing.
+Adams, You'd have to hire me first.
+Foreman, So you do realize that it is unacceptable to hit someone in the workplace?
+Ainsley, Is this theory more promising than the others?
+Adams, We'll know in a few hours. How are you holding up?
+Ainsley," Other than the fact that my dad's in a coma! Terrible. Tomorrow morning, I am supposed to sign a piece of paper that will! move the company and cost thousands of employees their jobs."
+Adams, I thought you'd rather see the company go under in New Jersey than thrive in Parkna.
+Ainsley," It's what my dad wants. And it's still his company. I'm really just keeping the seat warm. But unless he wakes up before tomorrow, it's gonna be my signature on that piece of paper."
+Adams, You don't have to sign it. I'll let you know when we have the results.
+Adams," Biopsy was clean. It's not his liver. I also ran the spinal fluid test, and you were right that Andrews was wrong. His ICP was not normal. It was elevated. What about HTLV?"
+House, We ruled that out three days ago.
+Adams," Because of his heart pRoblems, but�"
+House," Once something gets taken off the board, I'm the only one who's allowed to put it back on."
+Park [pointing at House]," You owe me 106,804 Yuan. Or $100 U.S."
+House," God, but you're petty. Okay, so! two options. Either we figure out what's wrong with this guy, or we figure out how to make this company profitable in New Jersey."
+Adams, Eastern equine encephalitis?
+Park, Brain scans indiCate it could be Loa loa disease.
+House," Ah, shut it off!"
+House, Apparently we're allowed to do this now.
+Ortho doctor," Get out of here, House!"
+House," This diagnosis was brought to you by the letter ""Y."""
+Ainsley," Dad! God, you're okay."
+Barton, I'm thirsty.
+House," That's a side effect of not dying. Turns out your blood was getting thick and syrupy. Complexes of large, y-shaped antibodies were clogging up your blood vessels, causing your organs to shut down one by one. Now, usually with hyperviscosity syndrome, it's caused by an elevated blood count or protein count. Yours eluded us 'cause it was caused by antibodies from your rheumatoid arthritis. Now that they're being filtered out, the blood would be! a little less duck sauce and a little more soy sauce."
+Barton, So I'm gonna be completely cured.
+House," It's not all about you. Your stock price will be completely cured. Once you sign this. [He hands him the paper.] It's a press release. It says that you're healthy, you're going back to work, and you're signing the lease that officially moves the company to Parkna."
+Ainsley," He just woke up. Dad, you don't have to deal with this right now. [House stops her.]"
+House," Ah, mm, yeah, actually! he does. 'Cause the market opens at 9:00 a.m. And this means a lot to me. You may remember me from the time I saved your life."
+Ainsley," If you move it, it'll be without me."
+Barton, I know you object. I know you disagree with�
+Ainsley," Dad! I can't do it. If this is really about family, you will not do this."
+House, Morning.
+House, Got lucky this time.
+Wilson," No, you didn't. I made this bet so you'd stop actively trying to fire Park so you'd be neutral. You went out of your way to help her. She obviously earned your respect, passed whatEver test you�"
+House," I sabotaged her hearing. You do read the school paper, don't you?"
+Wilson [Chuckles]," If you had sabotaged her hearing, she would have gotten more than a slap on the wrist. What you actually did was make her emotional and make the board members see her as a victim."
+House, 'Cause the panel feels badly for incompetent doctors who nearly kill people.
+Wilson," You know that Everyone on that panel hates you. You know the minute you recommend firing anyone, they start discussing how big a bonus to give them."
+House," That's just hurtful. The fact is, winning $100 from you gives me more pleasure than winning $100 from her. Here's your five grand. [House hands him a check and Wilson takes it, surprised.]"
+Wilson, What five grand?
+House, Just take it. Trust me.
+House, Found her sleeping in the Park. Said she ran away because her daddy didn't love her. And that is exactly what happened! as far as you can prove.
+Foreman, Congratulations. You're not going to jail! today. But you do know I just can't let this slide. You need to keep up your rep.
+House, Fine. Clinic hours. I'll double them.
+Foreman, Okay. 12 hours a week.
+House, No! Three times two equals six.
+Foreman, And 3 times 2 times 2 is 12. I know about your deal with Adams.
+House, Call Chase and Taub. Get 'em in here. The boys are back.
+Foreman, This check is for significantly more than what I told you it would take to fund the department.
+House, I know.
+Adams, You paged me?
+House, Congratulations.
+House," You caught your boyfriend cheating that morning. You had a big fight. That's why you were late. You re-pitched an S.T.D. You haven't gotten two consecutive minutes without using the word ""loyalty,"" which explains the anger and the low self-esteem, and the desire to feel pretty! after having been rejected explains the clothes."
+Adams, It wasn't my boyfriend. It was my husband. I was at my Lawyer's office signing the divorce papers.
+House, Wow. I missed the fact that you were married.
+Adams, We've been separated for almost a year.
+House, So! old news? No anger left? [He waits for her answer but she stays quiet. House grabs a baseball bat and hands it to Adams. He shows her all the equipment left around them.] It's all bought and paid for.
+Collins," Good afternoon, Cedarville! [cheers and applause from the crowd] It is my distinct honor to present our annual community service award to one of our most outstanding citizens. Now, Many of you may recognize him as Coach Bob of our champion little league team. And some of you may know him as the treasurer of our Harvest Scholarship Fund. [Cindy smiles] But I know that all of you know him as the guy that owns the only gas station in town. [laughter] Bob Harris, get on up here with that beautiful family of yours! [Bob, Denise and their kids, Sally and David, join the mayor.] Bob Harris, folks! Bob, your community activism, charity work, and character represent the finest Cedarville has to offer. [Cindy takes a loving cup from a table and brings it over.] Please accept this on behalf of all of us and know that we love you."
+Cindy," Are you all right? Bob? [He collapses, pinning her to the floor.] You're crushing me! Wake up! [She shoves him onto his back on the floor. He gasps loudly.] I think you're having a heart attack. I'm gonna call the ambulance!"
+Bob, [whispering slowly] No. Just drive me to the hospital.
+Foreman," As the new dean of medicine, I'd like to personally welcome all of our new employees and ask, why the hell do you want to come back?"
+Chase, Tired of surfing.
+Foreman, He hasn't changed.
+Chase," And neither has the job, right? We still get to do crazy crap?"
+Taub, Save people's lives instead of just their noses?
+Foreman, About that! about the crazy stuff?
+Taub, Here we go. He's gone from ally to enemy.
+Chase, He has no choice. He's the boss now. He has to be professional. He has to base his decisions on what's best for the entire hospital. We can't take it personally.
+Foreman, Couldn't have said it better myself.
+Chase, You did. I'm just reading the notes on your desk. [He leans forward and grabs a piece of paper before Foreman can reach it. He hands it to Taub] He also wants us to spy for him.
+Foreman," Not spy. I'm trying to keep House out of prison. To do that, I need to know what he's doing and planning."
+Chase and Taub, [in unison] Spy.
+Foreman," Come on, guys. I am your boss. You do have to treat me appropriately. But it doesn't have to be awkward and weird. Outside of work, I still consider us all friends."
+Taub," I'm glad you feel that way, because I do have a favor to ask. I told House I couldn't come back until next week. He said he understood completely and that I was fired. So! [He clears throat and gestures toward the door. A smiling aide wheels in a double stroller.] Since I have my kids for the next two days, I need a babysitter."
+Foreman, No!
+Adams, Male Patient went into v-fib but shows no signs of heart disease
+House, What was he doing when his heart decided to do the mambo?
+Park, He said he was at work.
+House, You're late.
+Taub," According to my calendar, I'm a week early."
+House," Beard's a nice touch. Lets Everyone know that you're not a teenage girl. [Chase takes a chair and sits next to Adams.] Oh, now, you two make a cute couple. [Taub prepares to sit next to Park who stands as he approaches.] And you two! [faux stammers] It's not important."
+Park, Dr. Park. [She and Taub shake hands.] You're a lot taller than I thought you'd be.
+Taub, And I look forward to working with you as well.
+House," He's lying, not just Taub! the Patient. These abrasions on his knees! they're minty fresh! about ten hours old."
+Adams, He got them playing flag football.
+House," He said he got them playing flag football. I'm sure that's true if ""flag"" is a euphemism for ""penis"" and ""football"" is a euphemism for ""entering a vagina."""
+Adams, Why lie about it?
+Taub, Everybody lies.
+House," Speaking of which, how are your two baby girls?"
+Park," Wow, twins! congratulations."
+House," [making a big show of ""oops � wrong thing to say""�] Awkward! [normal voice] He knocked up two different women at the same time! At least he thinks he did. You have them DNA tested yet?"
+Taub, Why would I? They look just like me.
+House, But they will grow. Find out what else he's lying about. Do an exercise test! see if you can get him to go back into v-fib again.
+Park, But we could end up causing another cardiac arrest.
+House, Hopefully. Then we'll know what set it off.
+Chase, He means it's better to do it here where we can revive him than have it happen somewhere else.
+House," The prodigal son has returned. [He hugs Chase and slaps his back. Chase stands there, impassive.] Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go slaughter a fatted calf for lunch."
+Bob," I told you, I was sitting at my desk when the attack happened."
+Chase, These rug burns are from last night.
+Adams," We think you were having sex, but memory loss could also be a symptom. Maybe we should ask your wife."
+Bob," Don't. I-I did something stupid last night, but it was a one-time thing. You have no idea how bad I feel about it."
+Adams, Your guilt is between you and your wife. We just need to know what happened.
+Bob," I was having sex at a motel when I started to feel light-headed. Next thing I knew, I was laying on my back. I could barely breathe."
+Denise, [enters] Is Everything all right?
+Chase," We'd like to perform an exercise test, re-create the stress that may have caused his symptoms."
+Denise, He was sitting at his desk.
+Chase, It's his heart we're worried about. The test will monitor its rhythm so we can check for any abnormalities.
+House, [loudly] I spent a month in solitary. You don't think I can keep this up all day?
+Wilson, I have a headache. Could you just lower your voice?
+House, [loudly] Chase and Taub are back!
+Wilson, You want me to pick up an ice-cream cake?
+House, I also think that Taub has brought his little Taubettes into work with him today.
+Wilson, Why would he do that?
+House," Because I didn't give him time to do anything else. Then I started wondering, who'd be sappy enough to watch them for him?"
+Wilson, They're not here.
+House," What? I just came for a chat with a friend. What's that I smell, friend?"
+Wilson," I understand your confusion. I was eating a baby for lunch, and! [House looks under the desk.] I have a massive migraine. Will you please just go away?"
+House, You should pRobably lie down and rest.
+Wilson, Yeah. I was trying to.
+House, [at the door] Oh! There is one more thing.
+Chase, He's in too good of a shape. We need to get him to the point he was at last night.
+Adams," Well, don't look at me. But if you want to!"
+Chase, Cute. [Adams smiles] I didn't mean physical stress.
+Park," Don't you guys think this is irresponsible? It's like you getting two women pregnant at the same time. I just mean the part about the odds of it happening. They had to be incredibly high. And if we induce v-fib, odds say that we'll be able to revive him. But there's always a chance we can't."
+Taub, It's extreme and reckless. That's House. You get used to it.
+House, [sticking his head in the door at just the right moment] Or I fire you. Look what I found! [He wheels in the Taubettes.] Kiddie-winkies! I wonder who they belong to.
+Taub, [jumps up and takes the stroller] Give me my kids.
+House, No. I genuinely wonder who they belong to. I need a DNA sample. [He holds up a wrapped swab.]
+Taub, I'm not letting you DNA test my kids.
+House," Already did. This swab's for you. [Taub removes House's cane from the stroller and trades it with House for the swab. He throws the swab away and wheels the girls to the far end of the room.] Fine. If you don't mind paying a fortune in Parkld support for some other guy's kids, no skin cells off my cheek."
+Park, His heart rate's finally elevating.
+Denise," [just entered, followed by Chase] Dr. Chase said you had something to tell me."
+Chase, We were talking about how you got the abrasions on your knees! the flag football game.
+Bob," Oh, um! Yeah, Honey, I'm gonna need you to let the guys know I'm not gonna be able to play on Saturday. [smiles]"
+Denise, The whole town knows that you're in the hospital. I wouldn't worry about it.
+Adams, That's not what you wanted to tell her. You said the game wasn't typical. Something happened that you were upset about?
+Bob, I don't understand. What are you t! [panting] I don't f! I don't feel very w!
+Denise, What's happening?
+Taub, It's not his heart.
+Chase, I know. He's having a seizure.
+Park, There wasn't any abnormal electrical activity in his E.K.G. when his seizure occurred. It wasn't caused by a v-fib.
+Adams, [a little breathless] We still can't rule it out. His E.K.G. from the E.R. documented!
+Chase, Myocarditis! viral infection weakening the wall muscles. We need to biopsy his heart to confirm.
+House, Myocarditis wouldn't cause a seizure.
+Taub, Could be genetic! Brugada Syndrome.
+House," Oh, my God. Two prodigal sons. Come on. Let's hug it out. [He holds his arms wide.]"
+Taub," You really like the idea, or you just want to grab some hair for a DNA test?"
+House," It's a stupid idea. We would have seen evidence of Brugada in the E.K.G. [He looks at Parks & Adams who are slumped on the couch.] You know, this is! this is just messing with my feng shui here. What about over there? [Points to the wall where the conference table used to be.]"
+Park, A pheochromocytoma. [getting up and grabbing her end of the couch] Excess adrenaline can cause heart pRoblems and! seizures.
+House, Boring!
+Park," I'm sorry. I thought I was here to treat the Patients, not entertain you."
+House," Would it hurt to do both? [flops over the couch back and lies down] Oh, this is much better! I said it was boring. I didn't say it was wrong."
+Park, So I'm right.
+House," Nope. You're wrong. Photic epilepsy! it's equally boring, but it has the advantage of possibly being right. Give him an E.E.G. to confirm."
+Wilson," If you Ever hear me mention anything about wanting kids, please feel free to punch me in the liver."
+Foreman, Why?
+Wilson, It's like Satan's alarm clock.
+Foreman, [walking the circuit around the front desk with Wilson] What's House up to? He hasn't asked me for anything. He's been incredibly well-behaved. He's doing his clinic hours.
+Wilson, That is a sign of concern.
+Foreman, And you know him as well as I do. He needs to constantly establish he's the Alpha dog.
+Wilson, He's got his team back. He's got his office back. He's got Everything he needs.
+Foreman," You really beliEve that! He's content? I don't want to let House sabotage himself by sabotaging me, and I need your guidance and your trust to do that."
+Wilson," [laughs] No, no, no. Cuddy had a pRoblem with House, she came to me. Wanted to vent! me. How did that turn out? You have a pRoblem with House, deal with it, or find someone else who can."
+Chase," I'm sorry about earlier, but we needed to provoke a reaction."
+Bob, It worked. I can barely look her in the eyes anymore.
+Adams, I'd want my husband to tell me the truth.
+Chase," Sure. You'll feel better, and she'll feel what! devastated, betrayed? Heartbroken. Do you really want to do that to her?"
+Bob, No. But I can't live like this.
+Chase, But she can. All set.
+Adams," All right, we need you to sit back and try to relax. Just look at the light."
+Park, What exactly are they building back there?
+House, A dream.
+Chase, The E.E.G. didn't show any abnormal brain activity.
+Adams, He doesn't have photic epilepsy.
+House," I know, because he has a pheochromocytoma."
+Park, You said I was wrong.
+House," You were wrong not to rule out epilepsy first. That only takes a couple of hours. Finding a tumor that's flushing adrenaline through his system is gonna take all night. Monitor his brain activity, start a continuous urine test and blood draws Every two hours."
+Taub," I can't! I have my kids! Wilson's leaving in, like, minutes!"
+House, Chase and Adams can do the test.
+Taub, Thank you.
+House, For the massage bed. You and Park are checking the motel he was bumping uglies at for environmental factors.
+Park, He couldn't find a babysitter. Get over it.
+Taub, [whispers] You're gonna get us killed.
+Park, [whispers] She thinks I'm a prostitute on her turf. Showing weakness is what gets you killed.
+Taub, [whispers] Why would she think you're a prostitute?
+Park, [whispers] I'm in a dump with a guy almost twice my age. What else is she gonna think?
+Taub, How old do you think I am?
+Chase, So who cheated on you?
+Adams, We just met. Don't you think it's a little early to be dragging up our baggage in front of each other?
+Chase, Who says I have baggage?
+Adams," I know when House went to prison, you quit medicine. � You don't do that unless!"
+Chase," I didn't quit. I took a vacation. I knew when he got out, I'd get my job back."
+Adams, House didn't Even know he was coming back.
+Chase, I had faith.
+Adams," Now, that has baggage stamped all over it."
+Adams, Seizure activity?
+Chase, No. One of the sensors came loose.
+Adams, I'll fix it.
+Chase, What is it?
+Adams, Not a pheochromocytoma.
+Chase," Our Patient now has a mass in his neck, and his body temp's been rising over the last three hours."
+Park, Where is the construction crew?
+House," Well, I'm not gonna make them work day and night. So I chose night. [He spits into a mug.]"
+Adams, And his urine and blood tests didn't show any evidence of an adrenaline-secreting tumor.
+Park, Meningitis. We can do a lumbar puncture to confirm.
+Taub, [entering] Sorry. I had to drop my kids off at day care across town. What'd I miss?
+Chase," It's not meningitis. His neck isn't stiff, and his mental status is normal."
+House," He's only guessing. I'm talking to Taub. He can't say ""my kids"" until he lets me test them. Tell me about the love shack where he cheated on his bride."
+Taub, Quarters came in handy. My kids loved the massage bed.
+Park," Lab tests show the bed tested positive for, uh, semen, vaginal secretions, saliva, and fecal matter, both huMan and animal. [Taub's face falls as she reads the list.]"
+House, PRobably want to boil the kids for a couple hours when you get home.
+Park, The bathroom also tested positive for five different types of pathogenic bacteria.
+House, Fusobacterium necrophorum was one of them. [He puts on his dress shirt and buttons it.]
+Park, Yeah. How'd you know?
+House," The bulge in his neck. The bacteria colonized his parapharyngeal space, moved into his jugular vein, causing a thrombus! Lemierre's Syndrome. Treat with amoxicillin and clavulanic acid. Take out the clot before it moves to his lungs and kills him."
+House, You have at least a trillion cells. You're gonna misplace one of them Eventually.
+Bob, I have to tell my wife the truth.
+Park, There's plenty of time for that after the operation.
+Bob," What if I die, and one day she finds out I cheated on her? I'll nEver be able to explain, nEver tell her how sorry I am."
+Taub, You're increasing the odds of that Every second we waste here.
+Bob," No, I'm not agreeing to anything until I talk to her."
+David, Daddy!
+Bob," Hey. Hey, guys."
+Sally, Ew! Your neck looks really gross.
+Bob, I missed you both so much. But I need to ask you favor. I need to talk to mommy alone for a second. [to Taub and Park] Would you mind watParkng them for us?
+Taub, This guy's an idiot.
+Park, I think he actually has a good point. What would you think if you found out years later your beloved dead wife cheated on you?
+Taub," I wouldn't beliEve it. As long as I don't hear it directly from her, then I can hang on to hope that it's not true. But this way! she has to either dump him or forgive him."
+Denise," Guys, get your stuff. We're leaving."
+Park, I'm so sorry.
+Denise," [arms folded defensively] I'll be back. I'm gonna drop our kids off at my mother's. Look, he made a mistake! a stupid, horrible mistake. But we'll get through this. All I care about right now is that my husband gets better."
+Wilson, Sorry about yesterday. House was like the Parkld catcher from Parktty Parktty Bang Bang.
+Taub," Why is he so obsessed with my kids being my kids? [Wilson doesn't say anything. Taub answers himself.] Because he sees insecurity, and when House senses weakness, he pounces, and because his insecurity is the fact that other people can have faith and don't have the obsessive need for physical proof."
+Wilson," Also, he started a betting pool on which kid is yours and which isn't. [he chuckles]"
+Taub, [not seeing the humor] An entire hospital betting on the legitimacy of my kids? It's great to be back among friends.
+Wilson, I'm not the bad guy here. I'm betting on them both being yours. [Taub grabs the bag from Wilson and leaves.] I would have donated the money to charity.
+Chase, ApproaParkng the clot. Stand by for!
+Adams, [assisting] That's not a clot.
+Chase, It's his lymph nodes. The bulge wasn't caused by pus or blood. It's tissue inflammation. How can there be that much tissue!
+Adams, !lymphoma. We need to take a biopsy.
+Chase, Did I nick something?
+Adams, I don't know.
+Chase, I don't see any bleeding in here.
+Adams, His sclera's jaundiced. I think it's his liver. It's failing.
+Adams, We did a major operation for no reason. It's not Lemierre's Syndrome.
+Chase, We would have had to biopsy his lymph nodes anyway to check for cancer.
+Adams, Which it's not. Biopsy was clean.
+Park," We could be dealing with an alcoholic going through withdrawal. It explains his heart, seizures, and liver failing."
+House, But not his swollen lymph nodes.
+Park, Why are we stealing cable from here? We don't Even have a TV in our office.
+House," I'm an ex-con, trying to adjust to a world that's passed me by. Stealing's all I know! that and the fact that I was right about what's wrong with our Patient. Just wrong about what?"
+Taub," He means it's not Lemierre's, but it's still an infection, which is why it's spreading so rapidly."
+Park," Cultures take time, and his liver doesn't have much left."
+House, That's why we're gonna blast him with broad-spectrum antibiotics.
+Adams, The blast will fry what's left of his liver. The cure will kill him.
+Chase, Not if we get him a liver transplant first and then treat him with a broad spectrum.
+House," [adding a toaster to his bag] And old team for the win! [Chase and Taub mildly pump their fists at each other.] Not that I'm keeping score. It's more of a grid where I assign numerical values to determine who gets raises, vacation time, and my respect."
+Adams, We he him on the donor list for a liver. But these things take time.
+Denise, So he could die before he gets one.
+Adams, It's a possibility. But we have another option. We can do a partial liver transplant from a living donor.
+Chase," If you're a match, but to increase our odds, we'd like to get your friends and family tested as well."
+Bob, [sighs] Is it safe?
+Adams, It's a major surgery. The donor spends a week in the hospital and up to three months convalescing at home.
+Bob, I can't ask someone to do that for me.
+Denise, There are hundreds of people who would do that for you.
+Bob, Because they don't know the real me.
+Denise, You are a good Man who made a mistake.
+Bob, Then I have to tell them first.
+Denise, I have to live with this too.
+Bob," I know. And I'm sorry, but! this is the only way that I can do this."
+Bob," Before I ask any of you to sacrifice three months of your life for me, I have a confession. I had an affair. I cheated on Denise. I wouldn't blame anyone if you decide!"
+Denise, I forgive him. That should be enough for all of us. [choking up] Thank you so much for coming here!
+Bob," There's more. Larry! that new transmission I put in your truck! you didn't need it. Joe, same thing with the engine rebuild. In fact, I cheated most of you here tonight. Half the time you bring your cars into my garage, there's nothing wrong with them. I've been ripping you all off for years. [a few people walk out] I also took $10,000 from the harvest scholarship fund, and I lost it gambling. [more people leave] I'm sorry. I'm not the Man you thought I was."
+Park, [whispers] That went over well.
+Chase," Out of the two donors who didn't walk out, both were negative for a potential match. Telling the truth may have just killed this guy."
+Adams," I told him to tell his wife he cheated, not confess Every sin he's Ever committed."
+Park," If Everyone did that, we'd nEver find a donor for anyone again."
+Adams," Everybody doesn't lie, cheat, or steal from their friends."
+Chase," Yeah, they do. Maybe not as much as this guy, but if people told nothing but the truth, the world would pRobably burn down overnight."
+Adams, Some people think it's burning now. Maybe if Everybody didn't lie!
+House," Aw, that is cute. [drinking a martini] I'm talking about your breasts. [She puts a hand up to pull the neck of her dress closed.] They always get perky when you're being painfully earnest. Truth. It's uncomfortable, isn't it? More truth! I only noticed because Chase was staring at them. [He sits at the table and continues.] He'd nEver admit it, because he doesn't want to offend you. Same reason he'd nEver tell you that he's thought about having sex with you. Although, to be fair, Every Man you've Ever met has thought about having sex with you. They'll lie, because if you knew! you pRobably wouldn't want to have sex with them. And that's just some of the lies from the last minute. And here's a bigger one! you already know this, but you pretend you don't because it makes you feel civilized. Most people find it easier to ignore the truth. Ask Taub. Our Patient can't wait for a transplant that's nEver gonna come. We need to get reckless and extreme. C.T. his liver, find the damaged area, and cut it out. Hopefully, what's left will be enough so we can start treatment with broad-spectrum antibiotics."
+Taub, I'm sorry the first time I had both of you together I had to work. But daddy's boss is what we call a jackass. Good. Stay right there. [He picks up the second girl.] I'm also sorry! for what I'm about to do! because! because nothing will Ever change how I feel about you guys. [He puts her on the bed.] But! [both babies coo] but daddy is weak and needs to know.
+Taub, Okay. Just gonna put this right here! okay?
+Chase, It's 3:30 in the morning. Why are you still here?
+Foreman, House is here and apparently prepping for an operation that will pRobably kill a Patient.
+Chase, I wouldn't be doing this if I thought there was another way.
+Foreman, There is. He needs a transplant.
+Chase, You have one lying around? 'Cause he'll be dead if he doesn't get one in the next few hours.
+Foreman," That falls under natural causes. If you kill him, we're looking at!"
+Chase, Dead is dead.
+Foreman," Not as far as our Lawyers are concerned. I'm not being a dick. This is a real issue, and I have to worry about the big picture now."
+Chase, I don't. I'll be doing what you would have done a year ago. I'll be in surgery.
+Adams, Chase! you need to check this out. This is a C.T. scan of his liver from ten hours ago! this is from now.
+Foreman, It's healing itself.
+Taub," When I left the room, he was telling her about the strippers from his bachelor party."
+Chase, Liver function has improved 30%! buys us a few extra days before he'll need a transplant.
+House," Interesting question is, why is it regenerating?"
+House, And scene. Now we're back to boring reality reality. His liver was in shock before. He's been having an allergic reaction since he got here.
+Chase, Could explain why his symptoms appeared so rapidly.
+Adams, And maybe starting to go away.
+Taub, We need to run a scratch test to find out what set it off.
+House, Or who. This all started when he cheated on his wife.
+Park, He's allergic to a person?
+House," Or something she's wearing! makeup, perfume, birth control method, her ""Hello Kitty"" doll. Two of you go find her and find out what. Two of you start treatment with corticosteroids and epinephrine while you run the scratch test."
+Cindy, You think I did this to him?
+Chase," Or something you wear, own, use, or gave him."
+Cindy, I gave him a condom. He didn't have one.
+Adams, What kind?
+Cindy, I don't know what kind. I got it from the health fair I was working at.
+Chase, You're in the medical profession?
+Cindy, I'm Miss Cedarville. The health fair is one of my responsibilities.
+Adams, Is another one hooking up with 38-year-old married men?
+Chase, I guess I'm supposed to be the good cop. I know this is tough. But anything you can remember might help save his life.
+Cindy," He was giving me a ride home, and! he always seemed so nice. And then we ended up at the motel. And now Everybody's talking about it. And if they find out it was me, I'm gonna lose my title and pRobably my job. And no one in town is Ever gonna speak to me again. I made a mistake, and now it's gonna end up ruining my life."
+Bob, Denise nEver wants to see me again.
+Park, What did you think was gonna happen?
+Bob, I was sick of living a lie. Everybody loved me. Everybody looked up to me. But! I didn't deserve it.
+Taub, Everybody makes mistakes. They just don't usually broadcast all of them at the same time.
+Bob," Well, if I'm gonna die, I might as well do it with a clean soul."
+Park," And if you live? You didn't just burn bridges. You torched, nuked, and salted the earth with them."
+Bob," Everybody has to pay for their sins. [he gasps loudly] Oh, it feels like you stuck me with a hot poker."
+Taub, An allergic reaction.
+Park, It's the swab for wheat-based allergies.
+Bob, I've been eating wheat my entire life. I'm not allergic to wheat. [Alarm blaring] Now it feels like my whole body's on fire.
+Park," This doesn't make any sense. He broke out with a rash right after I tested with the wheat-allergy swab, but none of his blood samples show he's allergic to it."
+Taub, Then he's not allergic to it.
+Chase, Could the corticosteroids have somehow caused it?
+Taub," I didn't hook them up yet. After he broke out, I wanted to confirm it was gluten before we dosed him."
+Chase," Could be a latex allergy. Started with a condom, and we kept it going with our gloves and equipment."
+Taub, He doesn't test positive for that either.
+Park, None of his samples test positive for anything.
+Taub, Then he's allergic to something not on the tests. I'll keep looking here.
+Chase, We'll start the steroids and see if it clears up.
+Foreman, You have one Patient and three DNA results?
+Taub, How else do I compare them to other genetic disorders? What's up?
+Foreman, Chase basically called me a sellout.
+Taub, Just because you hung up your lab coat for more money and a bigger office?
+Foreman, I hung it up because someone had to run this place after Cuddy left.
+Taub," There are a lot of good administrators out there, not Many good doctors."
+Foreman," More to it than you think. For example, you're looking at monkey DNA. [He turns the lights back on.] My analysis! House took your results after he Manipulated you into providing them."
+Adams, He's shedding his skin like a snake.
+Taub," If it was an allergic reaction, the corticosteroids and epinephrine would have made him better, not worse."
+Park, Is Everyone trying to think of an answer? Or is Everyone afraid to say
+House, I take it you're in the latter Category.
+Park, Stevens-Johnson syndrome! it fits all of his symptoms and explains why he got worse after the steroids. Most medication exacerbates the condition.
+Chase, There's no treatment for it.
+House, [clicks his pen a few times] It fits. Case closed. Why don't you go home and get some sleep?
+Bob, [wheezing with each breath] I feel like I'm in hell.
+Chase," We can't give you too much pain medication, or we'll make your condition worse."
+Bob, I got one final confession to make.
+Chase, What's left! you cheated on your taxes?
+Bob, I'm a murderer. [Chase's eyes widen.] I killed my business partner. I shot him in the head. I made it look like suicide. And he was just the first.
+Chase, You killed more?
+Bob, Uh-huh. Three! or four.
+Chase, Try not to kill anyone else until I get back.
+Chase," It's neurological. There's an aneurysm in the anterior communicating artery of his brain! the area moderating impulse control and compulsion. As it grew larger, so did the confessions. Watch. [he clicks on the intercom] Bob, one of my shoes is missing from my locker."
+Bob," I'm so sorry. I! I needed the cash, and, um, the locker was open."
+Park, I nEver heard of a neurological pRoblem that causes someone's skin to fall off.
+House," Because there isn't one. The aneurysm is just another symptom. It's not the cause. You add them all together, we get! [He waits, but the team doesn't answer.] We get Kaw! Kawas! Kawas! [exasperated] It's Kawasaki's Disease. It's autoimmune."
+Taub," Yes, we knew what ""kawah"" meant. We just figured since it basically presents only in Asian Parkldren!"
+House," Which you might have, by the way. Which is basically why we missed it. Rug burns! certain carpet-cleaning chemicals have been linked to it. Start treatment with intravenous immunoglobulin. Monitor the aneurysm. If it doesn't resolve itself we'll have to repair it. [addressing Taub, Adams and Park on his way out] The rest of you! aren't surfing enough."
+Taub, Monkey DNA! nice touch.
+House, Really? You don't think I should have gone with rat? I've been second-guessing myself all day.
+Taub, Where are the DNA results? [He reaches for the folder House is holding but House jerks them out of the way.]
+House, First admit that I was right.
+Taub, You Manipulated me into doing it.
+House," Yeah, I'll admit to that. Now you admit that it was incredibly easy, because you can't cheat an honest Man."
+Taub, I love them. I don't care if one of them isn't biologically mine.
+House, What about both? Could be. Haven't read these. Now say I was right.
+Taub," No. I'll admit I was weak for a moment, but I'm not doing this. I don't care."
+House," You do, and I'll prove it. I will shred this. I will call off my pool, return the money, and we'll forget all about it. Or we'll go to the light box in the lab and know the truth once and for all."
+Taub, Stop. Let me see them. [House looks very pleased with himself as he gives Taub the folder. Taub glances at the sheets inside for a fraction of a second then feeds the folder into the shredder.] Just wanted to make sure all three were inside.
+Denise," The mayor checked. There wasn't any money missing from the scholarship fund. Dr. Chase told me! about your disease, how it made you confess to crimes you hadn't committed. [Adams and Chase go to the door silently. Sniffles] The affair with that girl! is that real?"
+Bob," Honey, I! would nEver! have nEver cheated on you."
+Denise, [Crying] I knew you could nEver do that to me. I don't know how! but I knew.
+Foreman, Glad to see taking a year off didn't dull your skill set.
+Chase, I got lucky.
+Foreman, About the other night! I have enough pRoblems with this job. Second-guessing my best doctors shouldn't be one of them.
+Chase, Why are you up here? You have your own bathroom and office now.
+Foreman, Shower. I haven't left the hospital in four days.
+Chase, Why?
+Foreman, House won't go home. And there's no way I'm leaving him here unsupervised.
+Chase," House is screwing with you! by not screwing with you. He's watParkng TV and drinking martinis all night. Meanwhile, he's keeping you here searParkng for a plan that doesn't Even exist. [He puts on his jacket.]"
+Foreman, How the hell did I not see that? I'm glad you're back. [He puts on his jacket.]
+Chase, [thinks about it] Me too.
+Chase, Either a hot tub or a sauna.
+Park, A hot tub would be cool.
+House," New team, old team! I present! Phase one of Operation Outer Office 2.0."
+Adams, Nothing's changed.
+House," Oh, Everything has changed."
+Wilson, No.
+Ben," Okay, boys and girls. Guess what kind of animal Wacky Benny's making now? Give you a big hint. (He crows like a rooster)"
+Red Headed Boy, Is it a dead animal?
+s Father, I say we put him out of his misery and bring out Emma's cake.
+s Mother, He's so new to this. How's he gonna learn if we stop his act?
+Red Headed Boy, You're a sucky clown.
+Ben, (trying to stay positive and upbeat) And you're a super-duper audience.
+Ben," (leaning down and grabbing the boy's arm) Hey, that is not okay."
+s Father," (running up to Ben) Hey, keep your hands off my son."
+Ben, Tell him to keep his hand off me.
+Ben, I can't move my arm or leg.
+Taub, So how does a completely healthy teenager have a mini-stroke?
+Park, Head CT and cerebral angiogram are normal. Clotting parameters are normal.
+House, You're forgetting the wrinkly clump in the middle of his shirt. Thought we'd diagnose the middle-aged clown first.
+Taub, (looking at House) It's pRobably from my seat belt.
+House, Wrinkle pattern's too varied. It looks like someone shoved you or grabbed you.
+Taub," (trying to ignore House) PRobably from the diaper bag. If the Patient's using drugs, cocaine could have caused an arterial spasm in his brain."
+House," The tox screen was clean. I'm gonna say it was the ex-girlfriend you cheated on, not the ex-wife you cheated with. If the latter was prone to violence, you'd have been scattered in various dumpsters years ago."
+Taub, (looking around at the team) Seriously? No one else wants to talk about the Patient? New office furniture. Meaty topic.
+Chase, What's the action on the ex-wife?
+Taub, (giving in and explaining) It was Rachel's boyfriend Phil. His company's moving him back to Portland. He wants me to change my visitation order so he can ask Rachel and my daughter to move out west with him. Things got a little heated.
+Taub, The Patient was punched in the groin. Could have triggered a massive sympathetic discharge.
+House," Carotid duplex is normal. Who's better qualified to be the daddy? The guy who spilled a little DNA in her gene pool or the guy who's gonna be there day and night to pass on important values like, not shtupping mommy after the divorce?"
+Taub, I am her daddy. She's staying here.
+Park, House has a point. A couple nights a week with each kid may make you feel better. Doesn't replace two 'round-the-clock parents.
+Chase," 'Round-the-clock or not, parenting's an impossible job. No way not to mess it up. Why shouldn't Taub be the one to do it?"
+Taub, Thank you?
+House," Makes sense. Park's tiger mom and dad were so insufferable, she has to measure their affection in hours. Chase's careerist dad and alcoholic mom were so indifferent, he has to beliEve it's a wash. (looking at Adams) Your turn. What did your screwed-up parents do to screw up your view of parenting?"
+Adams, They were good parents.
+House," That's an oxymoron. Chase is right. All parents screw up all Parkldren. He's also dreAmy, but it's not relevant now."
+Taub," So all parents screw up all Parkldren, but it makes some huge difference if I keep my daughter here or let her move? (returning to the case) Endocarditis. Flipped a piece of vegetation into his brain, which could have broken up before the angiogram."
+House," Transesophageal echo to confirm. Screwed up is your best case. Bouncing between a philandering workaholic dad and an embittered, sexually betrayed mom, it's gonna lead to screwed-up squared."
+Janey, Is endocarditis treatable?
+Chase, Very. The echo will show us any growths on his heart valve. Most likely meds will be enough. He won't Even need surgery.
+Janey, He's just taken up performing and it's very stressful for him. Could that have caused this?
+Ben, It's not stressful. I have fun.
+Taub," Stress wouldn't be relevant, but anything that increases his adrenalin could have made it worse."
+Janey," Maybe we find you a new hobby, one you're a little better at."
+Ben," I'm gonna get better at it, and it's not a hobby. I-I think I want to get a job working as a circus clown, making people laugh."
+Janey," Ben, I-I don't think that's a good idea."
+Ben, It was good enough for my dad.
+Chase," (looking at Ron) You're a, uh!"
+Janey," No, his biological father."
+Ron, Could his dad's melanoma be a factor here?
+Taub, That wouldn't be related.
+Janey," Ben, you barely knew him. You're such a smart kid. You could aim a lot higher than face paint and seltzer bottles."
+Clinic Patient Monroe, I need treatment for my type 2 diabetes.
+House, There is absolutely no part of that sentence that is true.
+Monroe," I've been experiencing weight gain, fatigue, and sluggishness."
+House," Weight loss is a symptom of diabetes. Fatigue is a symptom of thinking you have disease you don't actually have, and sluggishness is a synonym of fatigue."
+Monroe, I need Insulin. I know it.
+House," Much as I'd like to kill you by dangerously lowering your blood sugar, murder violates my parole."
+Monroe, (pointing to the printout of his test results) That bloodwork is week's old. Test me again.
+House, I am the test. The test is negative. The test also thinks you're a giant pain in the ass. That last insult was your cue to leave.
+Monroe, (pulling up his sleEve) Test me.
+House, Fine. Wait right here.
+Monroe, Thank you.
+House, (to a nurse) Sleep study. Please make sure he's not disturbed for the next eight hours.
+Wilson, We need to talk about Saturday night.
+House," No, no, no, no, no. Historians will talk of Saturday night, not us. The legendary night, on which we watch Santos shatter Rubio's jaw and you epically pay me $50.00."
+Wilson," I have a chance to really watch it. A Patient of mine has a pair of tickets he can't use, and obviously you're under House and office arrest. I just wanted to make sure you were cool if I go to Atlantic City without you."
+House," Uh, no, thanks. I'm afraid I'm gonna have to decline your invitation to not spend Saturday night with you."
+Wilson, These are ringside seats.
+House," Cameras are ringside too. If you want, I could sweat and spit and bleed on you from time to time."
+Wilson, I'd take you if I could.
+House," Well, I'd take me if either of us could. See what a tough spot I'm in?"
+Wilson, I'm going to that fight.
+House," All right, I'll take the other ticket. Let me worry about logistics."
+Chase," Patient's heart valves are normal. It's not endocarditis. But he has a thickened pericardium, which makes no sense."
+House, He has a heart pRoblem but not one that could have caused his T.I.A.
+Adams," Syphilitic vasculitis would explain the T.I.A., and the pericardial inflammation."
+Park," Syph test was negative. Plus, the kid's nEver been sexually active."
+House," Yeah, I got that from the line in his chart that says ""birthday clown."""
+Taub, His late father was a circus clown.
+Chase, Histoplasmosis?
+House, He's not immuno-compromised. (to Taub) And I assume you added that irrelevant tidbit because you're moved by the son's idiotic tribute and think it justifies keeping your daughter in New Jersey.
+Adams, What if he has a heightened immune system?
+Taub, I mentioned it because!
+House, Take your time. We'll continue with the medicine.
+Adams, Sjogren's could have given him chronic pericarditis and cerebral arteritis.
+House, Sjogren's it is. IV immunosuppressants to treat. (looking at Taub) Anything?
+Taub, This will calm your immune system. Should be out of here within the week.
+Ben, My mom will be happy to hear that. I've got an internship that starts in three weeks.
+Taub, I take it it's not at a place with a big top.
+Ben," It's at my stepdad's law office. I know I'm not any good at being a clown yet, but when I do get a laugh and see those kids' eyes light up, that's how my dad made me feel when I was a kid."
+Taub, You need to hang on to that.
+Ben," Heh. My mom says he was a loving father but, always broke and, always on the road. It's a stupid way to make a living."
+Taub," You're 16. Plenty of time to make money. Wanting to build a connection with your dad and pass on some of the joy that he gave you, that's not stupid at all."
+Taub, Ooh. I got it.
+Ben," (dabbing at his nose with the tissue) Is, uh, is this because of the medication? Is it normal?"
+Taub," It's not normal, and it's not Sjogren's."
+Taub," T.I.A., thickened pericardium, and now he's bleeding from his nose and mouth."
+Taub, What are you doing with her?
+House," ""Her""? Surely this bundle of fun has an actual name."
+Taub, It's Sophie.
+Chase, Both your kids are named!
+Taub, She's Sophie. The other one's Sophia. It different enough.
+Adams," They actually have two completely different derivations. (When Taub looks at her, she shakes her head) No, they don't."
+Taub, I wasn't in a strong negotiating position. (to House) Why is she here?
+House, Ruby dropped her off. Seemed pretty upset. Apparently someone forgot that it was daddy's night. She wasn't Even gonna leave her until I said that I was letting you off early.
+Taub, Damn it. I just started back on the team. My schedule's a mess.
+Park," If your own kids are a scheduling item, maybe you should let one of them move."
+Taub, Patient has low platelets. Makes me think D.I.C.
+House, She doesn't seem to like that idea. You're right. (speaking baby talk) He has no sParkstocytes in his smear. (Chase grins)
+Park, He also has a low red count. What if it's a retroperitoneal bleed?
+Chase, No Grey-Turner's sign.
+House," (to Taub) She wasn't fussing like that when I was holding her. Maybe she likes the sound of my voice, which is weird because I have no genetic connection to her. (he stands) Could it be, she doesn't know the difference?"
+Taub, So Many Parkldren of your own. No wonder you have such insight into my relationship with my babies.
+House," Good point. How could I comprehend that you're too despised to keep them from having the same name, too overwhelmed to remember your own calendar, and too vain to admit that at this stage, you don't matter to either baby."
+Adams, Low white count suggests infection.
+House, What if you're all right? Low platelets plus low red count plus low white count equals!
+Chase, Aplastic anemia.
+House," Kid needs a bone marrow transplant. Everyone except Adams, transfuse his platelets till you find a match."
+House, (to Adams) You started college a semester late because you left high school a semester late because (he pulls a small note our of his breast pocket and reads it) you had five incompletes in your junior year.
+Adams, And you're offering one bad semester as proof that my parents screwed me up?
+House, Did okay before that. Straight As after that.
+Adams, I went through a rebellious phase.
+House, Don't tell me. Mom and dad were at each other's throats and the academic crisis was a cry for help.
+Adams," Sorry to mess with your worldview, but I'm not messed up, so my parents couldn't have messed me up."
+Chase, Mom's HLA is only a 3/6 match.
+Park, Maternal grandmother's worse than that. (to Taub) Where did you unload the baby?
+Taub, Maternity ward. (Park grins) Shut up.
+Adams, You realize you're making House's argument for him.
+Taub, The part where he said any parent who uses day care should ship their Parkld across the country?
+Adams," No, the part where he said that baby doesn't need you. You've only got her a couple days a week and most of that's spent with a rotating cast of nurses."
+Chase, That's how daddy likes to spend his time too.
+Taub, Shut up.
+Adams, First cousin's also a whiff.
+Park, So much for genetics mattering. I'll try the marrow registry.
+Taub, Dr. Park is searParkng the registry. Transfusing his platelets will keep him healthy while we wait.
+Chase," Are you sure there's no one on the father's side of the family? If one of them's a match, that'd speed things up a lot."
+Janey, His parents died young. He was an only Parkld. There's no living relatives that I know of.
+Taub, Something will turn up soon.
+Ron, How soon is soon? Will he miss a lot of school?
+Ben, I'm actually thinking of just getting my GED.
+Janey, How do you expect to get into a good college?
+Ben, I'm gonna take classes on magic and juggling and try to make a go of this.
+Ron," Ben, you keep your grades up, you can do anything in the world."
+Ben," Like what? Work in some boring office? I mean, do you think my father would have done that for ten minutes?"
+Janey, You don't remember your father. You don't know!
+Ben," (mimicking what Taub told him earlier) I want to build a connection with him, pass on some of the! the joy that he gave me. (squirming uncomfortably) My, uh, my back hurts. Uh."
+Chase, His BP is dropping.
+Man on Phone, We think we've dealt wit all the liability issues.
+Foreman, (looking back at House) I'm in a meeting.
+House," Sorry. Since you paged me, I didn't want to keep you waiting."
+Foreman," Yeah, I paged you, which means you're next."
+House, That's cool. I'll wait.
+Foreman, (turning back to his conference call) That's a good start. Let's go through it point by point. First up!
+Foreman, (closing his laptop) I'll call you back.
+Foreman," (taking a large envelope from his desk) Just got this. The American Association of Rheumatology wants you to speak, 9:00, Saturday, in Atlantic City. Dr. Neusinger canceled on them at the last minute."
+House, I hate conferences.
+Foreman," This is a big one, and it's the premium slot. I'd like you to do it. I'll clear it with your parole Officer. What do I need to do for you?"
+House, Halve the clinic hours that you recently doubled and double the hooker budget that you recently halved. I think you refer to it as petty cash.
+Foreman, Fine. Just one thing. I'm gonna ask them to put you on in the morning. We're doing them a favor. Why should you have to spend the night?
+House," You said that 9:00 was the premium slot. I mean, I want to feel like I've earned my hookers."
+Foreman," The place will be a madHouse, especially since it's two miles from the Rubio fight at the exact same time. Nice try. You called up, pretended to be Neusinger, cancelled, and suggested yourself as a replacement. You go to that fight, you go to prison."
+House," But that'd be redundant, when I have an angry black guy waiting for me to drop the soap right here."
+Foreman, Better go do some of those clinic hours I recently doubled.
+Monroe, Test my urine.
+House, Looks like I was wrong about my diagnosis.
+Monroe, Yeah. I have diabetes.
+House," No, but you're not a hypochondriac or you would have imagined some new disease after I shot down the first one. So whose urine is that? Diabetic girlfriend without health insurance?"
+Monroe, It's not a scam. I'm sick. Now I have swollen ankles.
+House, The medical term is cankles. (sitting down on the stool) Is there some black market in insulin that I don't know about?
+Monroe," It's in my genes. My old Man got diabetes at 50. My older brother, got it at 50. I just turned 50."
+House," Well, it's a great argument if diabetes was a gold watch."
+Monroe," I got sciatica, like my dad. Class-four hemorrhoids, like him. I need to get a jump on this thing."
+Chase, We had to stop the transfusion. Patient's having an allergic reaction to donor platelets.
+Taub," No one in mom's family's a match, and as far as she knows, dad has no living relatives. It's been years since he died."
+House," (reading the file) If the kid's dad died young of melanoma, how come the overprotective mom nEver took him to a dermatologist?"
+Monroe, Are you gonna test my urine or what?
+House, Not diabetes. (turning back to Chase and Taub) Use cross-matched platelets. Try to find the Patient some blood that's closer to his own. And get the real story on clown senior's death. Mom's hiding something. It's a good bet that it's medically relevant.
+House, Apple juice. Easiest way to fake a spike in blood sugar.
+Taub, His family history of melanoma may have affected his cellular outlook.
+Chase, If we had more data on the exact type of melanoma his father had!
+Taub," Otherwise, we might not be able to find a marrow match."
+Janey, He nEver had melanoma.
+Taub, How did he die?
+Janey," He didn't. He lives in Pennsauken, under a different name, Mitchell Gordon."
+Ron, How could you keep this from me? From Ben?
+Janey," He really needs to know his dad just breezed in and out of his life, drunk and incoherent? It's better to think the Man's dead but decent."
+Wilson, You realize I have to invite someone else to the Rubio fight?
+House, Nope. No realization whatsoEver.
+Wilson, You have a LoJack on your leg.
+House, I was happy watParkng the fight on pay-per-view. You're the one who insisted we go to Atlantic City.
+Wilson," Your biological father was a decent, God-fearing minister. The guy who raised you was a cold-hearted jerk. I'm trying to figure out why you're so convinced Adams has parentally inflicted damage."
+House, You're trying to deflect.
+Wilson, Now you are. You have to beliEve that Every parent screws up Every Parkld or you were screwed out of a decent Parkldhood.
+House, My decent daddy of the cloth was also being indecent with my married mom. He pRobably would have taken other kids to the playground.
+House, It's not my fault. Bad parenting. (House slides out of the booth and leaves)
+Park, Mitchell Gordon?
+Mitchell, I've already got a religion. Go away.
+Taub," We're doctors. Your son Ben is in the hospital, at Princeton-Plainsboro. He's very sick."
+Mitchell," Yeah, well, I don't have a son. Not anymore."
+Park," We know there are some issues there, but your bone marrow could cure him."
+Taub, There's a hospital two miles from here. It's a simple test.
+Mitchell, You said he was at Princeton-Plainsboro?
+Taub, His mother feels it's better to do the test at a different hospital.
+Mitchell," Well, I guess I don't have a son anymore."
+Chase, House isn't gonna give up. Just tell him about your parents or make up a lie.
+Adams, I don't want to lie. I don't want to validate his ridiculous theory.
+Chase, It's not ridiculous. Even the best-intentioned parents end up damaging their kids.
+Adams," You're a smart, successful doctor. How much damage could you have?"
+Chase," You know how I got interested in medicine? When my mother drank, she couldn't handle me, so she locked me in my father's study. Only so Many hours you can cry and bang on the door before you give up, find something to read. We all have family dysfunction. That's why we're successful. To fill that hole."
+Adams," My parents have a lot of money, but they didn't make it legally."
+Chase, White-collar crime?
+Adams," It started with card games. High-stakes poker. Then my dad got into narcotics, at first just selling but then, using too, or he nEver would have gotten into the slave trade. Parkldren mostly. Easier to pack in small crates. Plus the shipping's a lot cheaper."
+House, (from the phone) Won't Even trust a co-worker. What did your parents do to you?
+Taub, (to Janey) You have to go see him yourself. He wouldn't Even come to the door a second time.
+Janey, Okay. I'll drive over there.
+Taub, It's a pleural effusion.
+Park, He had a bleeding pRoblem earlier. Must be bleeding into his lungs.
+Park, Except there's no blood.
+Janey, What does it mean?
+Park, It means you don't have to make that drive. The pRoblem isn't his marrow. It's his liver.
+House," Liver failure. Explains Everything. The question is, what explains the liver failure?"
+Adams," It's not an infection. We tried antibiotics, but he's not responding."
+House," More curiously, what explains the mom lying about dad pushing up squirting daisies?"
+Park, (referring to the removal of the ankle bracelet) This is how you plan to get to the boxing game?
+Chase, Why are you looking at her?
+House," 'Cause I'm stunned, and I have to look at something. Match, bout, fight, contest, day, Helena. Almost anything works after ""boxing,"" except the word ""game."""
+Adams, Your bigger pRoblem is the people who design those things aren't idiots.
+WorkMan on the floor, Huh huh.
+House, Can you beliEve she used to work in the can? Nothing is tamper-proof.
+Taub," It's a synthetic pRoblem. His liver's not synthesizing proteins, so fluid is leaking out of his blood vessels. And mom's a selfish jerk. She traded up, married a Lawyer, wants to forget the lowly circus clown."
+House, You're defending the father because you feel like a jerk for baking buns in two different ovens. You want to beliEve the mythical biological connection excuses being a Man slut. Ow! (to the workMan) I don't know why I'm starting to doubt your expertise. You do have a classified ad and a piece of metal.
+WorkMan," It's temperature that sets it off, not force. The rivets go pop, I slide in the heating pad. Easy peasy."
+Chase, More likely the Patient has a hyperammonemic pRoblem. His liver's not cleaning out his blood. The buildup of toxins is causing Everything.
+Taub," I'm defending the dad because he got screwed. After he lost his son, he lost his job. Been in and out of rehab, gave up clowning. Yes, as a parent, I empathize. I say we tell the kid."
+Park," He's a minor, the mom's his guardian, and it's not Even medically relevant."
+Taub, She Robbed them of 12 years together.
+House," Or she ripped off the band-aid too late. That memory that she let son of Bozo establish is making him Chase his father's moronic profession when he could be living the high life in Portland. And I mean that metaphorically, of course."
+House, (to the workMan) This is where you dazzle me with your contingency plan.
+House, I see why employers are reluctant to hire ex-cons.
+Adams," Well, what about the Patient? Is the pRoblem hyperammonemic or synthetic?"
+Chase," Can't treat for both. One requires hemodialysis, the other a liver transplant, and we couldn't Even get the kid a marrow match."
+House," Get the mom's consent to pump him full of protein. If it's a synthetic pRoblem, more fluid will leak into his chest and his heart will fail. If it's hyperammonemic, toxins will overwhelm his body and he'll go into a coma."
+Park, Do you only like tests that involve the risk of death?
+House," There are some slower, less conclusive tests, but why take that risk? (He hurries out of the office and down the hall)"
+Man holding receiver, In here.
+House," (acting surprised) Oh, my God. The water. This is completely my fault. (Foreman looks extremely angry)"
+Taub," There are very serious risks, but if we don't figure out what he has, we can't treat him at all."
+Taub," I may be a little out of bounds here, but in case there are complications, it might be a good time to come clean to your son, let his father visit."
+Janey, A little out of bounds?
+Taub," I don't know the history, but Everyone makes mistakes. Your son worships him."
+Ron, Doctor's right about that.
+Janey," Oh, yeah? And when did he learn that? When he encouraged Ben to drop out of school? (to Taub) Mitchell is not Ben's father any more than a sperm donor would have been."
+s Wife, Dr. House?
+House, Unless you're a locksmith or an electrician with political contacts. I'm busy.
+s Wife, My husband saw you in the clinic. Wants treatment for diabetes.
+House, My condolences on your forthcoming divorce.
+s Wife," He keeps imagining symptoms, and now I have to make him these awful anti-diabetic meals. (She digs a couple of syringes out of her purse)"
+House," Since I have no intention of testing him, treating him, or cooking for him! (He looks up from his leg and sees the syringes)"
+s Wife, Could you write me a fake prescription for Insulin?
+House," The advantage of fake prescriptions is, you don't have to be a real doctor to write one."
+s Wife, Just tell me what's safe to inject in his thigh. His symptoms will go away and then I can show him he was nEver sick. Water?
+House, Imaginary medicine is not my specialty. I do have an imaginary colleague who's just sent me an imaginary page. (He picks up his cane and gets up from the chair) Imagine how sorry I am. (House leaves the office)
+Chase, Still mad about what happened in the lab?
+Adams, I'm not mad. I'm being professional.
+Chase," You claim you're not screwed up. You may Even beliEve it. But House doesn't and I don't, so you can wait till he camps out on your parents' lawn or you can admit you don't live on some higher plane and thank me later."
+Ben," My, uh, my eye feels weird. What's happening to me?"
+Taub, You look tired.
+Ruby," I hate it when people say that. I know, I look bad."
+Taub, I thought you were gonna go to bed early last night.
+Ruby," Like an idiot, I went out with my girlfriends to pretend I have a life, (taking the baby out of her playpen) when all I did was flirt with guys who'd have no interest in a mom, miss the baby I couldn't wait to get rid of, and then get yelled at by my mom for staying out too late."
+Taub, You need your own place.
+Ruby, Yes. I moved back home because it was too drafty at the Four Seasons.
+Taub, So go back to work at the hospital.
+Ruby, Day care costs more than what I earned as a nurse.
+Taub," Have you considered sub-standard day care? Why don't you stay here tonight? (Ruby gives him a look) No. I mean, in the guest room. I'll watch the baby again, and you can get a real night's sleep."
+Ruby, You'd do that?
+Taub," Win-win. Mommy gets a rest, (He takes the baby from Ruby) Daddy gets more time with his little angel. There're some sweats in the closet in the back."
+Taub, Lucky girl. Gets another sleepover with da-da. It makes a difference. Doesn't it?
+House, (to Taub) Didn't answer your page last night.
+Taub, Sorry. Battery died.
+Chase," We got the Patient's eye back in place with steroid injections, but a bulging eyeball means it's not a liver pRoblem."
+House," And mom's determination to keep dad away, Even as her kid gets sicker and sicker, means she's got more to hide."
+Taub, It's not diagnostically relevant. Let's let it drop.
+House, You just lost my vote. You flip-flopped on parental rights.
+Taub," I've been trying to persuade the mother, but it's her son, so it's her call."
+House," Well, that very evolved of you. Don't usually see Darwinian changes over breakfast. You made nice-nice with Phil. You decided that he'd make a decent father for thing 2 after all."
+Taub," I had Sophie again last night and Ruby slept in my guest room, which has nothing to do with Phil, who will nEver be a father to my Parkldren."
+Adams, Angioneurotic edema can cause rapid swelling.
+House," Hey, we're having a conversation here. No abdominal pain. (to Taub) So that must have been nice, having Ruby and the baby under one roof."
+Taub," Yes, it was nice having my daughter in my home. That's why I would like her sister to live near my home."
+Park, Anasarca?
+Chase, Swelling would have followed gravity.
+House, Isn't that getting this whole parenting thing ass backwards? Aren't you supposed to figure out what you can sacrifice to maximize their niceness?
+Taub, And do you think I should sacrifice myself from their lives?
+House," Just one life, until the other one's mommy meets someone nicer than you."
+Park, Swelling that fast and localized has to come from the lymph nodes. Burkitt's lymphoma.
+House, (to himself) Swelling. Cankles.
+Taub, That's not a symptom of Burkitt's. Are you saying it's!
+House, It's Burkitt's. Prep him for chemo.
+Wilson, I think you should give House permission to go to Atlantic City. We'll stop by the rheumatology conference. Everyone's covered.
+Foreman, No.
+Wilson, The guy has earned the right to go to one boxing match. He's done Everything you've asked! Funded and staffed his own department. Hasn't Even broken as much as a traffic law.
+Foreman, You're right.
+Wilson," So, you'll let him go?"
+Foreman," No. I get why he wants to go to that fight. I'd love to go myself, which is kind of why I have to stop him. My job is to be the jerk. House has to beliEve that I have authority over him."
+Wilson, He can't function under someone's thumb.
+Foreman," I know, which means you can't go either. (Wilson sits down across from Foreman) Your job is to be his friend, to stay here and sit with him and watch the fight on pay-per-view while bitParkng about me. If we both do our jobs, we might actually get him through his parole."
+Wilson, (pausing to consider Foreman's statement) You're right.
+Rachel, Sorry to show up like this.
+Taub, I was expecting a battery of Lawyers.
+Rachel," No Lawyers. Phil had something that he would like to say, so I thought that he should say it in person."
+Phil, It was wrong of me to confront you about taking Rachel to Portland.
+Taub, (to Rachel) You don't want to move to Portland?
+Rachel," Of course I do, but this is about your daughter too and I'm not gonna do something like this without your support."
+Taub, So you guys are trying to Manipulate me by playing good cop/good cop?
+Rachel, Is that how little you think of me? It's clear you're back working for House. I will see you this weekend when you pick up Sophie.
+Taub, Sophia.
+Rachel, We actually started calling her Sophie.
+Phil, Yeah.
+Taub, Great. It's cute.
+House, Cankles.
+s Wife, Is there some pRoblem with the prescription you gave me?
+Monroe, I'm faint. I've been gaining more weight. I think I need a bigger dose.
+House," If you double his placebo, he might drown. (Monroe looks at his wife) Also, you forgot to mention that your heart rate is slow."
+Monroe, My! my heart rate is not! (House holds the monitor up for the Patient to see) 52?
+House," The technical term is slow. Those awful anti-diabetic meals you eat, do they contain bok choy?"
+s Wife, A pound of it. Every day.
+House," Bok choy has glucosinolates, which inhibit thyroid function and account for all your symptoms."
+Monroe, So this isn't diabetes?
+House, You have a bad case of irony. The food that you're eating to stop making you sick is making you sick.
+Monroe," Hey, maybe I don't have my father's crummy genes after all."
+House," On the other hand, maybe you're fat enough to get diabetes Even without 'em. (House leaves the exam room)"
+Ben, I can't beliEve I have cancer.
+Park, We caught it early. You should be okay.
+Ben," I could die. I nEver went anywhere, did anything. If my father had lived, Everything would have been different."
+Taub, Your mom and stepdad love you. They've given you a great home. That counts for a lot.
+Park, He's crashing. Everything's shutting down.
+Chase," Renal failure, lung failure, heart failure, all before we started chemo."
+Taub," Burkitt's lymphoma is fast-moving, but not this fast."
+House," No rush. ICU stands for take your time, in Latin."
+Park, Multiple aneurysms?
+House, That would mean that Every symptom after his T.I.A. was a coincidence.
+Adams, Cholesterol emboli?
+House," Bingo. Fits perfectly. Check the file, confirm that we did major abdominal surgery on him and then completely forgot about it."
+Taub, House.
+Mitchell, Hello?
+Janey," (approaParkng the Man, whom she seems to know) What the hell are you doing here?"
+Mitchell, I was told that this might be my last chance to see my son.
+Janey, (to Taub) You had no right! This is none of your business!
+Taub, I didn't.
+Ron, I called him. (Janey looks unbelievingly at Ron) This Man's Ben's hero. Let them spend five minutes together.
+Janey, (angrily) No! (shoving Mitchell out of the room) Get out of here!
+House," (to Mitchell) Wait. (approaParkng him) You sexually molested your son. Your walk, tabes dorsalis. You have late-stage syphilis, which you gave to our Patient, presumably 12 years ago, which also explains why mom is not big on family reunions."
+Mitchell, I shouldn't be here. (He turns and walks away)
+Taub, We tested him for syphilis. He was negative.
+House," After 12 years, the active infection would have died down. Everywhere except the arteries in his brain, where it could hide out from our tests. (As House talks there is flashback of the boy hitting Ben in the testicles, then a computer generated graphic of the series of Events as House describes them) But when that six-year-old heckler punched him in his juggling pins, it kicked up the dorMant bacteria in his pelvis. The immunosuppressant's we gave him sent it into overdrive. The antibiotics we gave him actually started destroying the syphilis. But like pouring water on a fire, that led to a trail of toxic smoke and ash, which made his immune system overcompensate. SEvere Jarisch-Herxheimer reaction."
+Ron, (to Janey) Is this true?
+House," Yes, Jarisch-Herxheimer is real. It sounds silly, but! Oh, you mean the! the! right."
+Janey," (looking back at Ron) I found stains on his clothes. He didn't understand and he didn't seem traumatized. I kept trying to talk to him, but before long, he'd forgotten, and he seemed! and he seemed happy and he seemed normal."
+House, So you made daddy go away and you made sure junior had no reason to go looking.
+Janey," I was just trying to protect him, like I should have done from the start. (to Ben) Sorry. (She turns to Ron who takes her in his arms)"
+House," IV penicillin and anti-TNF antibodies, he'll be fine. Apart from the whole daddy-rape thing."
+Adams, We're not done.
+House," No, we are not. Notify the dad's sexual partners. Notify his employer, his landlord. Notify the police."
+Adams, I meant the kid. We're not gonna tell him he was molested?
+House, To make him miserable or to forfeit your license?
+Adams, To tell him the truth. He's a virgin. How do we explain the STD? It's a medical diagnosis. Screw the parents. The kid's our Patient.
+House, I guess Taub's got a tough choice to make when the kid wakes up.
+Taub, Why is it my choice?
+House, 'Cause you're a dad. How could the rest of us possibly understand?
+Ben, What was! what was wrong with me?
+Taub, It's called syphilis.
+Ben," Uh, you! you can get that without having sex? (Taub looks up at Ron and Janey)"
+Taub, I didn't tell him.
+House, (taking off his reading glasses) Your heart said he needed to know. Your brain knew he's better off without it. Following your heart is easy. Following your brain is tough. Especially after years of following that much smaller third organ. That's why all parents screw up all Parkldren.
+House, Evening.
+Adams," ClEver tactic, pretending you're not interested anymore."
+House," How could that possibly work as a tactic? The fact is, once I saw those incompletes, I knew your parents screwed you up. The details are just gravy."
+Adams, You're wrong. The only evidence you have is proof of something else. I ran away from home.
+House, Because you had lousy parents.
+Adams, Because I didn't. All my friends' parents were divorced or having affairs or barely knew their kids' birthdays.
+House, You envied their dysfunction.
+Adams, I-I thought it made them deeper somehow.
+Adams," It was stupid. I hitchhiked to Manhattan, moved in with an older guy. In two months, I came running home. It took my parents years to get over it."
+House, That's when you started to excel. You were making it up to them. Your parents screwed you up by not screwing you up.
+Adams, How does briefly wishing I was screwed up make me screwed up?
+House, It's normal to be screwed up. It's really screwed up to roManticize it. I guess that's why you wanted to work with prisoners.
+Adams, It's why I wanted to work with you.
+House, It was a tactic. (he walks away)
+Rachel, Chris.
+Taub, Yeah. I need to talk to you and Phil.
+Rachel, (moving into the doorway) Is Everything okay?
+Taub, Yeah. (stroking his daughter's head) I can't let you move.
+Rachel, You drove all the way out here just to tell us what you already told us.
+Taub," I'm sorry. (He turns and walks down the hallway, leaving Rachel standing in the open doorway)"
+Wilson," House, open up. I don't want to miss the opening bell."
+Wilson, House?
+Television Announcer," Telecast, we expect an electric atmosphere in the arena and a sellout crowd of about 10,000, for Rubio versus Santos, two great fighters with illustrious careers who might have been expected to meet a long time ago."
+Television Announcer," As for Santos, his handlers tell us that he's done more roadwork than at any time in his career, hoping to prove tonight that he can box for 12 full rounds."
+Television Announcer, Significant because Santos hasn't heard the final bell in more than six years.
+Television Announcer, He comes in with straight knockout wins and we saw how a power puncher with a left hook was able to cut Rubio over the right eye in the tenth round of that last fight.
+House," ""Patuxent River Naval Air Station near D.C. was commissioned in 1943 by John McCain's grandfather."" I'm thinking of going hang gliding."
+Park," Pax river is, like, completely flat. I think that's why they tested the V-22 Osprey there. [Everyone stares.] I like naval stuff."
+House," I like their oranges and lint. What looks like kidney disease, but isn't? [hands them files] And where's Chase?"
+Taub," Root canal and Berger's. The first one was regarding Chase. Root canal, if done correctly, doesn't look like kidney disease."
+Foreman, [enters with a blue file folder] Got a case for you.
+House, [not taking the file] Smells funny.
+Foreman, Patient had an idiopathic anaphylactic reaction. It stumped two E.R. docs and an immunologist from Johns Hopkins.
+House, [picks up a red file] Patient went from asymptomatic to fried kidneys in less than a year. Stumped three internists and a department chair from Harvard.
+Foreman," 14-year-old girl, intermittent attacks."
+House," Four-year-old boy, consistently at death's door."
+Adams, This Patient died five years ago.
+House," I didn't say which side of the door he was on. [With a flourish, Foreman drops his file on House's desk.] The fact that he's dead makes it more interesting. Four-year-olds do not die of Berger's."
+Adams, I thought it was relevant.
+House," Death is a consequence, not a symptom. If it's not a symptom, it's not relevant. [He picks up one file in each hand, weighing them.]"
+Taub," Shouldn't we be trying to maximize what we can save here? 14-year-old, your freedom, our asses?"
+House, [gets up] Right! save your asses.
+Park," She was in a car accident when she was two. She only had minor injuries, but her father died."
+Taub, That was 12 years ago. You think that's pertinent?
+Park," No, I think it's sad. She got sick in the middle of her 14th birthday party. Which is sad and pertinent. Maybe she was opening a present that triggered the reaction."
+Chase, [enters] Where's House?
+Taub, Pissing contest with Foreman.
+Adams," [handing Chase a copy of the file] Last thing she ate was strawberry cake, but allergy tests for Everything were negative."
+Park, Do you like your dentist? I'm still going to my pediatric one. What's your dentist's name?
+Chase, [surprised] Williams.
+Adams, What if it's not an allergic reaction? Hereditary angioedema or systemic mastocytosis could mimic anaphylaxis.
+Park, You're not sure of his name? You just saw him this morning.
+Chase, His assistant's name is Angie. Her home number is!
+Taub, Normal complement studies. No skin lesions.
+Park, [leaning over and inspecting Chase's hand] You had a Manicure. This is fresh! You weren't at the dentist. Why would you lie about that?
+Chase, To avoid having this conversation.
+Adams, Elevated BP. What about pheochromocytoma?
+Taub," Or an anaphylactoid reaction, which could be triggered by certain opioids."
+Park, You've had your hair cut three times since I've met you. You can't be embarrassed about a Manicure. There's gotta be a deeper reason.
+Chase, Did House give you homework?
+Adams, She's not on any meds.
+Taub, Haven't you heard? Everybody lies.
+Adams, And the tox screen was clean.
+Taub, Feel free to jump in at any time.
+Chase, We'll check Catecholamines for pheo and run an expanded opioid panel. You see what the Patient says about drug use when her mother's out of the room. [He and Taub leave.]
+Iris," No, nEver."
+Adams," Nobody's here to bust you, Iris. We just need to know if!"
+Iris," No, I already told you. I just take vitamin C sometimes."
+Adams, What exactly were you doing when you had your reaction?
+Iris," Opening a birthday present. The Magic 8 Ball. [Adams gives her a look.] The joke gift, not the cocaine. Is that it?"
+Taub, Certain drugs could explain her reaction.
+Faye, What kind of drugs?
+Taub, What kind did you have in mind?
+Faye," Iris has always been a moody girl. And now that she's a teenager, it's gotten worse. So for the past few months I've been! giving something to relax her. Diazepam. [Taub looks exasperated.] I tell her it's vitamin C. Being normal is very important to Iris. She couldn't handle the thought of being on meds."
+Taub," Anti-anxiety medications would explain it. If we keep her off, she'll be moody, but healthy. [In her room, behind them, Iris leans away from Adams and starts vomiting on the floor. Taub looks.] Or it's something else."
+House, I need to DDX a Patient with you.
+Wilson, I thought you had a team for that.
+House," According to Foreman, they're only for DDXing people who are still alive."
+Wilson, You have a dead Patient?
+House," Bigotry is boring when we add modifiers. I don't see creed, color, pulse."
+Wilson," Foreman will find out you're taking this case and he'll bust you. But you know that, which means! you want to go back to jail! because it's the one place you're unable to indulge your self-destructive habits."
+House," Yeah, it's much more likely that I'm taking this case because I miss showering with Cro-Magnons than that I actually happen to find it interesting. Four-year-old kid. His kidneys died, they transfused. His lungs died. He died."
+Wilson, Have you seen Bride of the Monster? I just got the Ed Wood box set.
+House, What if the Parkcken was the egg? What if the lung involvement came first?
+Wilson, I don't really care about the movie. I just don't want to indulge your!
+House, Lupus.
+Wilson," Because this is a bad idea, House."
+House, If the kid had a rash or some circulation issue! [He looks at his watch.] Damn! [Wilson looks startled.] I just realized I'm late for my anger Management class.
+Gene," Traffic, for sure."
+Dixon, Taxes.
+Gene, Definitely taxes.
+Lena, Spoiled grandParkldren.
+House, Platitudes.
+Gene, Any others?
+House," And I lose my temper when someone suggests that a handful of pop-psych catch phrases can control our most seminal, intractable, and natural reaction to a dead Parkld. [He turns to a Man who is slumped forward in his chair, elbows on his knees.] Am I right, Emory?"
+Gene, I don't think Emory wants to share right now.
+House," They blew it, didn't they? They missed your son's rash. A faint one, on his cheek."
+Emory, [quietly] He didn't have a rash. I think we should talk about Lena's grandParkldren.
+House, They're alive. Was he sensitive to sunlight?
+Emory, No.
+Gene, Greg!
+House, Cold fingers and toes?
+Emory, [sharply] No!
+House, Wegener's granulomatosis. I need to examine your son.
+Emory, You're a bit late for that! you ass.
+House," With you and your wife's consent, we can get an exhumation order. Find out what killed him."
+Emory," Ex-wife. And you'll nEver get her consent. She's moved on! new hub, new kid. She wants nothing to do with Drew's death. Or me."
+House," You're angry because your kid died. More than that, because you don't have an answer. People need answers."
+Emory, [miserable] He's in a crypt at St. Jude's Cemetery.
+Adams, You feeling any pain or cramping here?
+Iris," A bit. But not just there, um! here. [She touches her chest.]"
+Taub," Breast tenderness. Have you been having regular periods, Iris?"
+Iris, Not really.
+Faye, What is it?
+Taub, I think we should run a pregnancy test.
+Faye, Iris isn't sexually active. She doesn't Even have a boyfriend.
+Adams, Pregnancy would explain all of her symptoms. Can Even cause some unpredictable allergic reactions.
+Iris, How can I be pregnant if I've nEver Even had sex?
+Adams, We just need a drop of blood.
+Taub, What's the matter?
+Iris, My! my arms. I can't feel my arms.
+House," At this rate, I'm gonna need to pick out a plot for myself."
+Milton," Thanks to your generous donation, you have all morning."
+House, More like 13 minutes.
+Milton," Before we proceed any further, doctor, I'd like inquire as to exactly what procedure you intend to perform on the remains."
+House, Have you Ever heard of the North American Man/Dead Boy Love Association?
+Milton," I consider these grounds to be a holy place, and I would ask you to observe them with due decorum."
+House," So you're taking bribes to plunder graves, and I need to show respect. [Milton doesn't move.] I think they got the cause of death wrong. And if I find a hole in the cartilage of his nose, right about here, then it means I'm right."
+Milton, Please be respectful.
+Milton, I prepared the sarcophagus for you.
+House," Thank you, Igor."
+Milton, It's Milton.
+House, [answering phone] You owe me a new pair of pants.
+Adams, [voice] She is pregnant. Test came back positive.
+House, So! she lost the use of her arms and her innocence. A vengeful God? [He gets the lid off the sarcophagus with a clatter.] Or!
+Taub, [voice] Cerebral tumor.
+Adams, [voice] Vasculitis.
+Park, [voice] MS.
+House, [peering through the gloom at the body] I gather from the silence that Chase isn't there.
+Chase," Nope, I'm here. Where are you?"
+House," ""Nowhere""! he said cryptically. I assume you concur with the diagnosis."
+Chase, Absolutely.
+House, Even though there are three diagnoses? And MS and vasculitis usually get better with pregnancy.
+Chase," Yeah, I was saying I agreed with the other one."
+Park, [rising from her seat to stare intently at Chase] He's had his eyebrows waxed.
+Chase, [voice] I met a Woman who likes her men well groomed.
+House," All over? [He inserts a metal tool in the corpse's nose] I assume, from the silence, that Chase has had a Brazilian."
+Adams, Cool.
+Park, Interesting.
+Taub, Ouch.
+House, Question is! is this really about a Woman? Or is it about something more profound?
+Chase," Another question is, could the paresthesia be caused by an STD? HIV-related mononeuritis multiplex."
+House," [shining his flashlight along Drew's body] I gather from the silence that either you all agree with Chase or you're just staring at his emasculated brow. In either case, test for HIV and do an MRI to rule out tumors. [looks at his watch] And check Chase for testosterone."
+Taub, Blood work was negative for HIV. All the money's on tumor.
+Adams, How was the Brazilian?
+Chase, It was fine. Hurt a bit.
+Adams, What about House's theory? Why'd you really do it?
+Chase, 'Cause I'm vain and shallow.
+Adams, And you weren't before?
+Chase, The girl I was seeing wasn't. There's nothing profound here.
+Taub," No tumor, either. It's not her brain."
+Taub, [to Iris] Everything looks good.
+Adams, What's the matter?
+Iris," My arm, it's!"
+Chase, Still nothing?
+Iris," No, now they're sore."
+Adams, [puzzled] Paresthesia's gone.
+Chase, Could the bruising be caused by a physical trauma?
+Taub," You think she fell out of bed, repeatedly?"
+Park, A blood disorder. Maybe thrombocytopenia.
+Adams," A vitamin K deficiency or scurvy could explain bleeding pRoblems, and pregnancy could exacerbate it."
+House," Boys, do a home search. Girls, do lab tests. I'm pretty sure that's not sexist."
+Foreman, Where have you been?
+House," Picking up dry cleaning. Filling up the tank. Violating the dead. If you don't beliEve me, call the monitoring company."
+Foreman," I did. Unfortunately, the Patuxent River Naval Air Station was GPS testing and disrupted the signal, at the exact same 45 minutes you weren't here."
+House," Well, if I'd known I had 45 minutes of freedom, I'd have gone hang gliding."
+Foreman," I admire the creativity. But what happens when the stunt doesn't work? Think you're gonna have to pay off a bet? Think I'm gonna triple your clinic hours? I'm gonna call your P.O., and you're gonna go back to jail."
+House," There are Mees' lines on his fingernails, so now I'm thinking heavy metal poisoning."
+Wilson," You're an addict. And I'm an idiot for thinking that your addictions were limited to pills, anti-social behavior, and sarcasm."
+House, [burps loudly] Sorry. Vicodin repeating on me.
+Wilson," You're also addicted to puzzles. You show all the classic behaviors. Lying, neglecting responsibilities, and you can't stop, no matter how devastating the consequences."
+House, Working on a medical case is not a parole violation. It's my job description.
+Wilson, Your job description is doing what Foreman tells you to do.
+House, NEver mind Bride of the Monster. You need to watch Norma Rae.
+House," Before we get started, I just want to thank you all for agreeing to reloCate. Um, I had an appointment in this part of town, and I obviously didn't want to miss this meeting. But, uh, thank you. I'm buying. Not literally. Hey, Emory, should we, uh, powder our noses?"
+House," Hey, did you know your ex-wife still lives right behind this place?"
+House, She finishes work at 4:00. Picks up her new kid at 4:15. Gives us about 20 minutes. I made some calls. It's amazing what people will tell you if you ask rudely enough. [points to a picnic table on the back patio] Was that table here? [Emory nods.] Some kinds of pressure-treated wood can contain arsenic.
+Emory, We shouldn't be here.
+House, We don't have a choice. This is the only way you're gonna get your answer. Does your ex leave a spare key anywhere?
+Emory, How did he look?
+House, Peaceful.
+Taub," Vitamin K deficiency's a bust. Fridge has more spinach and broccoli than a farmer's market. The Brazilian! you said it hurt ""a bit."""
+Chase, You've had one?
+Taub," More than one, and you haven't. They hurt all your bits. That's my dark secret. What's yours?"
+Chase," I had the nails and eyebrows done, but that's it. I just needed to create a distraction, though. I met a TV producer at a dinner. She asked me to appear on the medical segment. Screen tested it yesterday and shot it today."
+Taub, You're a TV doctor?
+Chase, It's a one-off.
+Taub, When's it air?
+Chase," Two hours ago. Otherwise, I'd still be lying."
+Taub," [picking up the Magic 8 Ball] This is what she was opening when she had her attack. Will anyone beliEve Chase is an actual doctor? [He shakes the ball and reads the bottom.] ""Don't count on it."""
+Chase, She does have a boyfriend.
+Taub, Love letters. [He picks up the rest of the letters. Chase gets the DVDs that were under them.] Porn.
+Chase," The nasty kind. Torture, rape! animals."
+Taub, Sweet kid.
+Emory, This is all that's left. One box in the bottom of a closet.
+Emory, Ohh. He used to wear those stupid things all the time. Used to have to pretend I was scared.
+House, Made in the People's Republic of Lead Paint.
+Emory, Back door.
+House, [grabbing his backpack] Let's get out of here first. We need to catch the end of our class.
+Iris, I met him at school. He was the only boy that liked me.
+Faye, It's a little more than like.
+Iris, We haven't had sex.
+Fay," Oh, come on, Iris. You're pregnant."
+Iris, So I'm just lying about Everything?
+Faye," [getting angry] Well, you lied about the boyfriend. You obviously lied about sex and this! garbage."
+Iris, They're his. He can't keep them at his place.
+Faye," Well, I'm glad we could be so accommodating. What else don't I know? [Iris crumbles and Faye relents.] Honey! what is it?"
+Iris," He came here last night. And he told me I should leave. [Crying] But I didn't want to, and he got mad."
+Faye, He hit you?
+Chase, Physical trauma.
+Taub, Explains the negatives of the blood disorder.
+Faye, We should call the police.
+Iris, I won't tell them anything.
+Faye, That's ridiculous. He beat you!
+Chase, What is it?
+Iris, It's getting hard to see. What the hell is happening to me?
+House," Rubbing alcohol, vinegar. [He inspects the next bottle.] Not sure what this is."
+Emory, Aren't there actual medical tests?
+House, Dead Patients usually get a lower standard of care. Pink means lead. Orange means mercury. And rust means arsenic.
+Emory, And what's brown mean?
+House, Scotch.
+Emory," He used to call him ""Deezer."" He couldn't say ""zebra."" He'd have his own words for Everything. We called 'em ""Drewisms."""
+House, How does your ex-wife do it? How come she's not! angry and miserable?
+Emory," She treated it like it nEver happened. She nEver Even cried. Not Even at his funeral. I was a mess, and she just sat there like! a statue."
+Wilson, We have a pRoblem.
+Foreman, Does it limp?
+Wilson, Why do you care if he works on two cases?
+Foreman," 'Cause next, it'll be three cases, then four. Then animal cases and ghost cases. Then animal ghost cases. Assuming, of course, we are talking about House."
+Wilson, You're just setting yourself up to fail.
+Foreman," He has a lot more to lose than I do, and he knows that. He's rational."
+Wilson," No, he's not."
+Foreman, He's the most rational Man I've Ever met. Annoyingly so. He isn't gonna put himself back in jail over a dead kid.
+Wilson," He's an addict, and he will put himself back in jail over a puzzle."
+Foreman, He'll back down.
+Park," Halfway through the perimetry exam, her tunnel vision went away. She can see perfectly."
+Chase," TIA. The word ""transient"" is right there in the name."
+Chase," Ah, here we go."
+Chase," Chesa, after giving the pics an eye or two, I can confirm that Lauren's surgeries cost her some big bikkies. Not only was there a gut tuck, nose tuck, and arse tuck, but her new, fake norks stick out like nuts on a mutt."
+Chase, The original script was!
+House," Shh, shh, shh."
+Chase, [on screen] Anyone notice!
+House, [pointing at the computer] He's enlightening us.
+Chase," [on screen] That's 'cause he's retooled the ol' todger. Let's just hope no one cut the wrong wire, eh? [Doctor Down Under gestures and laughs like an idiot.]"
+Park, So you just wanted to look pretty on TV.
+House," Question is, why did he want that? [looks at his watch] Clinic time."
+Taub, What do you want us to do?
+House, MRA 4 TIA. ROFL.
+Adams, Thought you only had clinic on Tuesdays.
+House," Oh, you're right. [leaves anyway]"
+Mickey, Hi. I'm here for the free flu shot. I got a call saying!
+House, I'm here to find out why you didn't care about your first kid. Losing a Parkld! just breezed right through it.
+Mickey, How do you know about my first kid!
+House, Didn't Even squeeze out a single tear at the funeral.
+Mickey, Where are you getting this?
+House, You couldn't wait to squeeze out a brand-new replacement kid.
+House, Damn it.
+Mickey, You had no right to say that.
+House, I know. I deserved the slap. But I was hoping that you weren't capable of it. Apathetic hyperthyroidism. Could have kidney involvement. Could be genetic. Definitely causes apathy. I was hoping that your lack of emotion was a symptom of something you could have passed on to your first son.
+Mickey, [She figures it out.] You know Emory.
+House, We belong to the same club.
+Mickey, He wants to relive this. I don't.
+House, So I heard.
+Mickey," [uncomfortable] Emory was a wonderful Man. NEver afraid to show his emotions. Which is great, most of the time. But when Drew died! it overwhelmed him. I vowed I wouldn't let that happen to me."
+House, So that's why you left him?
+Mickey, I left because of his eyes. He had Drew's eyes.
+House, Who used to babysit Drew?
+Mickey," My father, but!"
+House, His place or yours?
+Mickey," There are two types of people. Those who can move on, and those who can't. My father keeps up a good front, but he's just like Emory. You need to leave him alone."
+House, So he has two types of people inside of him.
+House, MRA was normal.
+Taub," Yeah, how did!"
+House," [to Iris] I found out where your boyfriend lives. When I paid him a visit, he took off. Ran in front of a car."
+Iris, You're lying.
+House, He's down in the E.R. right now.
+Iris," Shut up, you lying sack of crap."
+Faye, Iris!
+House, How do you know I'm lying? How do you know your boyfriend's okay?
+Iris," 'Cause I'm right here, you dick."
+Chase, Iris has dissociative identity disorder. Also known as multiple personality disorder.
+Iris, Are you saying I'm crazy?
+Chase," It's the mind's response to a sEvere trauma. A person experiences something that's too difficult to accept, so they create alternate personalities that don't have to accept it. Some think it's quite a natural reaction."
+Faye, Iris hasn't had any sEvere traumas.
+Taub, The car accident?
+Iris, I was two. I don't remember anything. These personalities that I'm supposed to have! Where are they?
+Taub, They only come out when you're afraid or anxious. That's why House used the hurt boyfriend story.
+Faye," But if there's no boyfriend, where did the bruises come from? The pregnancy?"
+Chase," When you say your boyfriend hit you, it means you actually hit yourself."
+Taub," And the pregnancy! doesn't take a boyfriend, just a boy. [Iris sits, barely moving, trying to grasp all this.] You may not be aware of half the things you've done."
+Faye, How could this be happening to my own daughter without me knowing it?
+Taub, Diazepam was masking it. Taking her off made it more apparent.
+Iris," But I! I wasn't on! ""diazepam""? What is that?"
+Faye," That's what those vitamin pills were. Iris! I am so sorry. I just! I thought you were moody. I didn't want you to think you needed medication. [Crying] Oh, my God. I can't beliEve how stupid I've been."
+Chase," [sitting on a stool next to Iris's bed] We need you to help us with something. Different alters can he different apparent symptoms. Allergies, paresthesia, vision loss, changes in blood pressure."
+Iris, Do you think I'm making this up?
+Chase," Your symptoms are real. But some are physiological, and others are psychological."
+Faye, So there's something wrong with her! in addition to the multiple personalities?
+Chase," Yes, but we won't know what until we access her alters and compare their symptoms."
+Iris," Well, how do you do that?"
+Chase, Hypnosis.
+Wilson, Foreman's not gonna back down.
+House, He's not an idiot.
+Wilson," Yes, he is. Just like you. If you keep being stubborn, he will keep being stubborn. Eventually, you will screw something up. Which will be bad news for both of you. But! only one of you will be in prison. It just isn't worth it, House."
+House, [quietly] Okay.
+House," Uh, y-yes, sir. I! yes, I know I told you that I had a Parkropractor's appointment, but, uh, I got a flat. I know, right? So! [He reaches the porch and rings the doorbell.] !you know, don't send out the marines. I should be back on the road in a few minutes. Okay bye. [He hangs up. A Man in his 60s opens the door.] Dr. Wilson, County Coroner. I'd like to ask you about your grandson, Drew Lemaine."
+House, What did he do when he was here? Where did he play? What did he eat?
+Grandpa, We watched lot of TV. And ate biscuits.
+House, Did you give him sidewalk chalk?
+Grandpa, No.
+House, Finger paints?
+Grandpa, No!
+House, A sandbox?
+Grandpa, It's like I said. We watched a lotta TV.
+House, You expecting someone?
+Grandpa," What? [The door opens. Mickey and her husband, Ray, rush in.] Dr. Wilson my ass!"
+Mickey," I told you to leave him alone, you son of a bitch!"
+House, Temper trigger.
+Chase, Who am I talking to now?
+Iris, [little girl voice] Nobody.
+Chase, You must be somebody.
+Iris, I'm too little. Nobody sees me. Nobody knows I'm here.
+Adams, BP just went to 140 over 90.
+Chase, What is it?
+Iris, My arms.
+Chase, You can't feel them? It's okay. We can fix that. Do you hurt anywhere else?
+Iris, Not right now.
+Chase, But you used to hurt?
+Iris, When I ate strawberries. [pause] And when I remember!
+Chase, Do you remember being hurt?
+Iris, I remember Everything.
+Father," Baby! It's going to be okay, baby."
+Faye, [stroking her daughter's hair] Iris? Why didn't you Ever tell me?
+Iris," [back as her 12-year-old self, crying] It was my fault Daddy died."
+Faye," Oh, no. No."
+Iris," Yes, it was. I was crying and he couldn't drive. It was my fault daddy's!"
+Faye," Oh, no. No, no, Honey."
+Iris, Yes.
+Faye," You were just a baby. It wasn't your fault. No, shh. [Sobbing] Oh, baby."
+Iris," It was my fault. I'm sorry, Mommy."
+Faye, Shh.
+Iris, I'm so sorry.
+Chase," It wasn't a miscarriage. Test shows she's still pregnant. Okay, cross out Everything that doesn't appear in Every alter."
+Taub," When she opened the Magic 8 Ball, that triggered a switch to a personality with a strawberry allergy."
+Adams," [reading the symptoms that haven't been crossed out] Pregnancy, vaginal bleeding, and elevated B.P."
+Park, Could be pre-eclampsia.
+Adams," Worst case, could be an ectopic pregnancy."
+Chase, We need to ultrasound.
+Adams, Not seeing an embryo in the fallopian tube.
+Chase, I'm not seeing an embryo anywhere.
+House, Which idiot did the pregnancy test?
+Adams," I did one of them. Chase did another. Taub did a third. Three tests, three positives. What happened to your eye?"
+House, I grabbed Park's ass. Exoplanets.
+Adams, I think he said exoplanets.
+Chase, Wait for it!
+House, We can't actually see them! but we infer their existence because of the effect they have on the star they orbit.
+Chase, Pregnancy test only infers an embryo's existence because of elevated hCG lEvels.
+Adams," [nodding] Which could also be caused by choriocarcinoma, which affects the placenta, mimics pregnancy, and causes elevated BP and vaginal bleeding."
+Chase," Occult choriocarcinoma, which is why we didn't see it on the ultrasound."
+House, Tell all the alters that they have cancer. [walks away]
+Wilson, Mom or dad?
+House," Mom, dad, and mom's dad. The good news is, made me realize that you were right. I can't drop it. But now that I accept that, I feel much less conflicted. I've ruled out Wegener's, Berger's, heavy metal poison!"
+Wilson," Two trains are about to collide, and I'm trying to talk them out of it."
+House, Feels like I'm missing something.
+Wilson," No, no. You don't want to listen to me, then I don't want to listen to you."
+House, That is so fifth grade.
+Wilson," [sitting up] I agree. And you know why? Because I'm just as bad as you. I knew this would fall on deaf ears, but I just kept talking and talking."
+House, You're right.
+Wilson, You don't Even know what I just said.
+House," That is ridiculous. You said, ""blah blah blah blah blah, deaf ears, blah blah blah blah blah."" Absolutely essential information. [He leaves.]"
+Mickey, Ray! [yelling as she opens the door and heads for House] Ray! Leave him alone. What are you doing to him? [The boy whimpers slightly as she clutches him.] It's okay.
+Emory, Mickey!
+Mickey, You? You brought him.
+House, I asked him to meet me here for a family reunion.
+Mickey, Ray!
+Emory," Let's just get out of here, okay?"
+House, I know what killed your son.
+Mickey," You don't get it, do you? I don't care what killed him!"
+House," It's called Alport syndrome. It's a genetic condition characterized by kidney failure, bronParkal myomas, Mees' lines, and deafness."
+Mickey, Idiot. Drew wasn't deaf!
+Emory, [quietly] House!
+Ray, Son of a bitch! [hurtling across the yard and grabbing House] Get away from them!
+Emory," [trying to get him away] House, House!"
+House, It's a genetic condition!
+Ray, Shut up!
+House, [loudly and enunciating each syllable] Genetic! [Ray and Mickey look at each other as what House said sinks in.] Your father has the gene. So do you. It's grandpa's slight deafness that gave the game away. You're apparently asymptomatic. You could still pass the gene onto your Parkldren. Plural.
+Mickey, [holding her son who has his face buried in her leg] You're lying.
+House," [gently] He has high-frequency hearing impairment. [Mickey looks down at her son who has not moved.] And so did Drew. That's why Drew made up his own words. 'Cause he couldn't hear properly. It's okay. Now that we know what it is, he'll need treatment, but he'll live. [to Ray, who finally lets go of House's shirt] There are platitudes that can help you with that."
+Mickey, I miss him too.
+Adams, She's responding well. [leaves]
+Foreman, Cuddy threatened him with clinic duty. I thought threatening him with jail would be different.
+Wilson, Not an irrational thought.
+Foreman, I'm still sending him back.
+Wilson, He saved two lives.
+Foreman, Which means it's too late for me to back down. It's no longer my choice. It's just me telling him he can get away with anything. I have to send him to prison.
+Wilson, [sighs] Your job is to keep this maParkne running. It's your choice to make House a useful tool or a monkey wrench. Cuddy's way didn't fail because she didn't try to control House. She Managed him. She knew better than anybody what a tool he could be.
+Foreman, [long pause] What would Cuddy have done?
+House, Ten clinic hours.
+Foreman, [sighs] Cuddy's not here anymore. You got 30.
+Tommy, And you're sure he didn't leave until after 9:00?
+Mike, Absolutely. We watched the Devils demolish the Rangers. The game started at 7:00.
+Tommy," Neither of you stepped out between periods, get beer, pick up a pizza?"
+Mike, We stayed at my place. We were together the whole time.
+Tommy, And you said the Devils won?
+Mike," Yup. 4-zip. Kovalchuk had two, Arnott and Parise each had one, and Marty got the shutout."
+Tommy, I'm sorry. Marty?
+Mike," Martin Brodeur. Devils' starting goalie for, like, the past 20 years. He played awesome as usual."
+Tommy," Your Honor, may I submit the sports page from the New Jersey Chronicle on October 9th, 2011."
+William, Objection. Relevance.
+Tommy, Goes to the witness's credibility.
+Judge Foley, Go quickly.
+Tommy, Would you please read the caption under the photo? (Hands him the newspaper)
+Mike," [Clears throat] ""Martin Brodeur stops 1 of his 36 saves on the way to a shutout victory."" That's what I just said."
+Tommy, That the defendant couldn't have possibly committed the Robbery because he was with you watParkng Martin Brodeur shut out the Rangers.
+Mike, Yes. (Hands him back the newspaper)
+Tommy," Thank you. Your Honor, may I submit the Chronicle sports page from October 10th?"
+William, Your Honor!
+Judge Foley, This is what you call going quickly?
+Tommy, Just two more questions. I promise.
+Tommy, Please read (gives him another newspaper) the highlighted text at the bottom of the page.
+Mike," ""In Sunday's sports section, New Jersey Devils goaltender Johan Hedberg was!"""
+Tommy, That's it. Keep going.
+Mike," ""Misidentified as Martin Brodeur in a photo caption and box score."""
+Tommy," (showing the newspaper to the jury) An understandable mistake. Given that Martin Brodeur was scheduled to start but bowed out after taking a shot to the throat in warm-up. Which brings me to my most relevant question. Did you and the defendant spend the Evening of October 8th watParkng the Devils game on TV, or did you just read about the game in the Chronicle while concocting this false alibi?"
+Mike," [Clears throat] Um! I! I, um!"
+Tommy," Excuse me, Your Honor, may I approach?"
+Judge Foley, You sure you don't want to wait till after he answers your question?
+Tommy, No. I'm gonna need a continuance.
+Judge Foley, (almost whispering) Now? You're one answer away from destroying their whole defense.
+William, Come on.
+Judge Foley," Oh, shut up. You know it's true. Let's finish this up."
+Tommy, I can't.
+Judge Foley, Why the hell not?
+Tommy, Because I think I'm having a heart attack.
+Judge Foley, Great. Call an ambulance.
+Foreman," Thinks he had a heart attack but didn't. His EKG, cardiac enzymes, and catheterization are all normal."
+House," 'Cause it's an anxiety attack. PRobably because he just turned 40 and still goes by the name ""Tommy"". (Takes a bite)"
+Foreman, It's not anxiety. The E.R. Docs interviewed his wife. She confirmed he's been feeling fine. Nothing out of the ordinary at work or at home.
+House, PRobably also beliEves that he thinks Salma Hayek's breasts are too big.
+Foreman, Which is why I had them admit him anyway and treat with alprazolam. No improvements.
+House, Because!
+Foreman," Because for some Patients the diagnosis of anxiety disorder can actually increase anxiety, which is also why I told him he had a minor respiratory infection that was easily curable by the medication. (House gives him an incredulous smile)"
+House, You lied?
+Foreman, I ruled out heart attack and anxiety disorder.
+House, Interesting.
+Foreman, I know. (Hands House the file)
+ Cut to," Diagnostics. The team is reading the Patient's file at the table, while House prepares espresso in the espresso maParkne. --"
+Taub, Impressive.
+House," What, the wiliness with which Foreman ruled out anxiety or his complete wiliness-less-ness before he met me?"
+Taub, The fact that you Managed to smear jelly on nearly Every page.
+Park, Shingles could cause chest pain before a rash appeared.
+House, (watParkng the coffee falling on his cup) Pain would be restricted to one dermatome. It wouldn't cross them.
+Taub, Asthma-induced pneumothorax would and might not show up on a posteroanterior X-ray.
+House, No history of asthma.
+Chase, (looking at the Patient's X ray) They did a lateral view as well. No sign of a pneumothorax or deep sulcus sign.
+Adams, I treated an inmate once with similar symptoms after he tried to poison his cellmate with chlorine gas.
+Taub, He didn't realize sharing a cell also meant sharing the air?
+Adams, Chlorine gas pools near the ground he thought he'd be safe in the top bunk.
+Park," Well, why would anyone try to poison our guy?"
+Taub, He makes a living sending people to prison.
+Chase," But he's not in prison, and it's kind of hard to gas a guy unless you can seal him in a room first."
+House, (Sitting down) Which is why Arceus created a universe with 3 states of matter and 300 solid or liquid poisons that could cause his symptoms.
+Taub, Arceus?
+House," Look it up. And alkalinize his urine. Go search his home, talk to his wife, see if you can get her to tell us what she used."
+Adams," Wait, why would you think his wife poisoned him?"
+House," Because dangerous people don't break into your home, they live in it. And although his kids are old enough to want daddy dead, they're still to young to do anything about it."
+Taub, Must be such a pleasure to live in your head.
+House, You're right. Kids might be precocious. (Pointing Adams) You handle his House. (Pointing Chase) You handle him and his wife.
+Chase, They (Taub and Park) get to just hang out and do nothing?
+House," If you need help, you can take whoEver you want."
+Chase and Adams, I'll take Taub.
+House, Interesting.
+Adams," No, it's not. It was a 50/50 choice. I'm totally fine with Taub or Park."
+Chase, (Standing up) Cool. I'll take Taub.
+Adams, And I'll take Park.
+House, That was fun.
+Park, Not really.
+ Cut to," PPTH Elevator. [Elevator dings. Chase and Taub enter the elevator, where Foreman is looking at some papers] --"
+Chase," Nice move, boss. Lying to the Patient."
+Foreman, I had no choice. I knew House wouldn't take the case unless I ruled out anxiety.
+Taub, You need a girlfriend.
+Foreman, To keep me from lying to Patients?
+Taub," To give you the excitement you need so you don't go looking for it. You're not working for House anymore, which means you no longer have him to blame if you get caught."
+Foreman," I'm not looking for excitement. I'm doing my job, part of which is to make sure House does his."
+Chase, Girlfriend might not be so bad.
+Taub, It's less dangerous than where you're headed. And that's from a guy with one alimony and two Parkld support payments. (Chase and Taub exit the elevator)
+ Cut to," Adams' van, on their way to Tommy's (the Patient) House. --"
+Adams, It's this new curve control thing. It automatically slows the car when it senses I'm taking a curve too fast.
+Park, You really think I care about your car? Or are you just trying to avoid talking about why you don't like working with me?
+Adams," There's nothing to talk about. House liked poking ant hills with a stick when he was a kid, and now he wants to do the same with us."
+Park," House is an ass, but he's an intuitive ass. He obviously noticed something."
+Adams," Yeah, the fact that we work well together. He thrives on conflict and is looking for someone to torment. Don't let it be us."
+ Cut to, Outside Tommy's room --
+Taub, Why would they thank him?
+Olivia," Because he doesn't treat them like scum. He makes them feel like he's helping by offering a plea or Even just by letting them pay their Debt and clear their conscience. And Even if someone wanted to poison him, I don't see how they would do it. He nEver eats or drinks anything that we haven't made at home."
+Taub," Wait. You mean literally? Like, not Even a bottle of water?"
+Olivia, No.
+Taub, So he was obviously afraid of something.
+Olivia," Yeah, rats, mice, cockroaches."
+ Cut to, Patient's room --
+Tommy," My first job out of law school was at the health department. If you'd have seen some of the kitchens or the processing plants I have, you'd cook all your own food too."
+Chase, Poison wouldn't have to be in food. Have you gotten any strange letters or packages recently?
+Tommy, No.
+Chase, You also wouldn't have to be at work.
+Tommy, We've got two young kids. There's definitely no poisons I could have accidentally been exposed to at home.
+Chase, What if it wasn't an accident? How are things between you and your wife?
+Tommy, [Laughs] Are you asking me if I think my wife is trying to kill me?
+Chase," Yes, I am."
+Tommy," Absolutely not. This is coming from a Man whose eyes are wide open. I have prosecuted hundreds of despicable acts by husbands, wives, parents. I can assure you!"
+ Cut to, Tommy's House. --
+Adams," No pesticides, fertilizers, or fuel in the garage. You find anything?"
+Adams, Maybe we should look again.
+Park, Maybe we should leave before the police get here.
+Adams," Well, Even if a neighbor saw us break in and called 911, unless they said we were armed, it's low priority. We've got another five minutes."
+Park, He's a prosecutor. Obviously he knows a lot of cops. His House is not gonna be low priority.
+Adams, Good point. (Starts walking out)
+Park, (Looking at the bookcase) Wait. The dining room's on the other side of that wall.
+Adams," Yeah, so?"
+Park," But it ends, like, three feet further over."
+Adams," You've got to be kidding me. A second ago, you wanted to run like hell, and now you want to look for secret passages?"
+Park, There's a magnet on the fridge they use to open Parkld-proofed cabinets. Go get it. Hurry up.
+Adams, (handing the magnet) Here.
+Park, Holy crap. (They open the secret door behind the bookcase)
+ Cut to," PPTH room. House is sitting in a couch, sleeping, with his face covered by a magazine. --"
+House, (answering his phone) Don't tell me. The jealous wife in the dining room with bipyridyl herbicide.
+Park, We didn't find any poisons.
+House," Well, you obviously found something."
+ Park, Yeah. A hidden bunker with enough guns to defend Fort Knox.
+Adams, Or break into it.
+House, Cool.
+ Cut to," Tommy's room. Adams, Park and Olivia are standing beside Tommy's bed. --"
+Olivia, That's impossible. You must have broken into the wrong House.
+Adams," Then you have creepy neighbors, because there were photos of you and your kids all over."
+Olivia, I-I don't understand. How could this!
+Tommy, I had it put in during the remodel last year.
+Olivia, But we went over the plans together.
+Tommy, It's not in the plans. I didn't want the city to know about it. I'm sorry. I should have told you. I just! I didn't want you and the kids to worry.
+Olivia," About what? Tommy, what is it? Why would you think you needed so Many guns?"
+ Cut to," Clinic. House carries a lot of Patient's files. Adams, Taub, Chase and Park walk in. --"
+Adams, You're not gonna beliEve this.
+House," Imperio absenti chaos regit. He's worried that ""too big to fail"" applies to our banks but not our government."
+Adams, How'd you know?
+House," Because that's what Every idiot with a bunker full of assault rifles is scared of. (Calling) Heather Sweeney. (Heather Sweeney stands up) Uh, it'll just be a couple of minutes till someone's ready to see you."
+Chase, Maybe it's not stupidity. It's a symptom. Cocaine abuse can cause paranoia and chest pain.
+Park, This isn't necessarily paranoia. Societies do fall apart. Look what happened with London and the riots.
+Chase, There's a difference between an isolated riot and the fall of civilization.
+House, April Donaldson. (She raises her hand) Sorry. Misspoke.
+Park, Imagine what would happen if there was a terrorist attack on the food supply or a pandemic where we had to ration antibiotics.
+Adams, That's ridiculous.
+House, Ouch.
+Adams," Oh, shut up. We know what you're trying to do, and it's not gonna work."
+Park, (To Adams) It was a little harsh.
+Adams, Stop being so!
+Park, What? Paranoid?
+House, You're gonna look pretty foolish if that was the wrong guess.
+Adams," (To Park) I think you're a good person and a fine doctor, but it's ridiculous to think anyone needs an arsenal of assault weapons, he's obviously paranoid. What about Fahr's disease?"
+Park, He's not hallucinating.
+Adams, As far as we know. We should do a mental status examination and get a CT of his basal ganglia.
+Park," No, we shouldn't. If it's not poison, it's most likely atrial fibrillation brought on by hyperthyroidism or sleep apnea."
+House," (Simulating spitting tobacco, and talking in a Southern accent) Looks like we got ourselves a good, ol'-fashioned cat fight."
+Adams," No, we don't. We have a reasoned disagreement."
+House," Still there's only one way to settle this. Actually there's two, but we don't have enough Jell-O for the first. Mini-mental, CT, and get a hair sample to check for past cocaine use. Check his TSH lEvels and get a sleep study. (To Taub) Sorry, we got to make it a fair fight, which means you're stuck with her."
+Park," He's not ""stuck"" with me."
+Adams, And it's not a fight. (The team walks out)
+House," (To a busty lady waiting in the clinic) Uh, excuse me, miss, what is your name?"
+Lady, Mariel Wilkerson.
+House," Huh. You don't look like a Mariel. You're up. (She smiles, and they walk to the clinic room. House shuts the blinds)"
+ Cut to, Lab. Taub and Park are running the tests. --
+Park, So what do you think � is the Patient paranoid or am I?
+Taub," I don't think stockpiling weapons is the most reasoned response, but, given what I've seen at Bloomingdale's on Black Friday, I wouldn't say it rises to the lEvel of mental illness."
+Park, And me?
+Taub," Again, given what I've seen at Bloomingdale's! Don't let House get to you."
+Park, It's all of you. I feel like you don't respect me. Chase certainly doesn't try to hide it.
+Taub, Chase respects you. He's just more comfortable working with me because he's known me longer. And I'm not just saying that because you own a gun.
+Park," I don't own a gun. I've thought about it, but I'd pRobably end up shooting someone in my own family, like when my brother tosses his toenail clippings behind the couch. What about you?"
+Taub," If anarchy breaks out, I plan to do what my ancestors have done throughout the ages � run."
+ForMan, Stop telling the nurses I'm looking for a girlfriend.
+Taub, What makes you�
+Foreman, Two lunch offers and a box of cupcakes since this morning.
+Taub," So a few people are nice to you, and your first thought is, ""Hmm, this seems strange."" I haven't Even had enough time to eat my own lunch, much less run around trying to recruit nurses for you. So, can I get back to work? (Foreman walks away)"
+Park," You're lying, aren't you?"
+Taub, It's for his own good.
+ Cut to, Cafeteria. House and Wilson are getting lunch. --
+House, He's not paranoid. He's just stupid.
+Wilson," Well, shouldn't you put yourself in that group? You own a gun."
+House, Our Patient doesn't own a gun. He owns an arsenal. And I don't own a gun.
+Wilson," Yes, you do. And you're a felon, so you'll end up back in jail�"
+House, That is actually not one of the Many reasons that I don't own a gun. Why would I need a gun? The only thing I own worth protecting a thief would need a crane to get out of my apartment.
+Wilson," You don't own anything you need. You own things you want. And you're definitely the type who'd want a gun. You like anything dangerous � monster trucks, motorcycles, fireworks."
+House, Everyone loves fireworks.
+Wilson," WatParkng them, not making them."
+House, I'm telling the truth.
+Wilson, I stand corrected.
+House," If you beliEve me, then this issue will be resolved with no further action necessary."
+Wilson, Absolutely.
+House," It's not resolved, is it?"
+Wilson, Not Even close.
+ Cut to, X-ray room. Adams is looking at some x-rays. --
+Chase, [Door opens] It's not cocaine. Hair samples were clean.
+Adams, It's not looking good for Fahr's either. I'm not seeing any calcifications.
+Chase, You sure? They can be pretty hard to detect in people under 50.
+Adams, (Pointing) See?
+Chase, What?
+Adams, We all disagree all the time. It's not just me and Park.
+Chase," Nice try, but I'm not getting in the middle."
+Adams, So why didn't you want to go with her this morning?
+Chase, She's weird.
+Adams, She's not weird. She's a good doctor.
+Chase, Most good doctors are weird. Look at House.
+Adams, Am I weird?
+Chase," Yeah, but you're hot, so it's easier to put up with. (She gives him a look) You're completely normal and a pleasure to deal with."
+Adams, You're weird.
+Chase, In a good way?
+Adams, Maybe we should just concentrate on the medicine.
+Chase, You own any guns?
+Adams, That's not medicine.
+Chase, But it's related to medicine. Kind of.
+Adams, What do you think?
+Chase," Yeah, but not for protection. Despite what the media would have us beliEve, you think we live in a very safe world. You just think they're fun."
+Adams, How did you know?
+Chase," Working in prison, you learned criminals rarely target random strangers, and you've got more money than you know what to do with, so anything that seems different and fun's worth trying."
+Adams, And you?
+Chase," Not here in the States. Back home, I keep a few for hunting 'roos."
+Adams, You hunt kangaroos? But they're so cute.
+Chase, They're also delicious.
+Adams, You're screwing with me.
+Chase, Totally. There's no calcification. Looks like we're both wrong.
+ Cut to, Test room. --
+Park, You don't need to stay. We won't have the results until the morning.
+Olivia, It's okay. I'll stay.
+Tommy," Go. I'm sure your mother's ready for a break by now, huh? Give the kids a kiss for me."
+Olivia," You think it's the end of the world, but you wanted kids."
+Tommy," Oh, Honey, come on. I don't think the world's coming to an end. Look! (Takes her hand) You have a spare tire in your car, right? That's what those guns are. I mean, I hope to God I nEver have to use one. But if we can wake up and learn that the entire bank system has gone bankrupt overnight, it just seems stupid not to have a jack in the trunk. Just in case."
+Olivia, And you've always�
+Park, What's that from?
+Tommy, I don't know. (Tommy has a small wound in his leg)
+Park, You don't feel that?
+Tommy, No.
+ Cut to, Diagnostics. The team's on the table. --
+Adams, He also spiked a fEver overnight. It could be TB.
+House, You want to say it?
+Park, Say what?
+Chase, There's no sign of atelectasis or infiltrates on the chest X-ray.
+House, Yeah. It's med-speak for she's an idiot.
+Taub, Systemic sclerosis can cause lower extremity ulcers.
+Park, It would have to be pretty far along. His first symptom was just a few days ago.
+Adams, His paranoia started at least a year ago.
+Park, If he's paranoid.
+House, So it's either not sclerosis or it's extremely aggressive sclerosis.
+Taub, We should biopsy the skin lesion and start him on enoxaparin.
+Park, Shouldn't we wait for the biopsy results before we start treatment?
+House, (To Adams) Now's your chance. She's leading with her Parkn.
+Adams, I agree with her.
+House," No, you don't. Which means you're both idiots. Get to work. (The team exit Diagnostics, but Park follows House to his office)"
+Park, I know you don't think I'm an idiot.
+House, [ReaParkng for his Vicodin. Drawer shuts] Does it matter?
+Park," If you're just looking to amuse yourself at my expense, then no. But if you feel the need to Manipulate me to make me useful, then yes. I thought we'd gotten past that."
+House," If we hadn't gotten past that, you wouldn't be here. But ability isn't always enough. Just ask Yngwie Malmsteen."
+Park, So this is you trying to help me?
+House," No, this is me helping me. And amusing myself at your expense. Which brings us back to, why do you care?"
+Park, I deserve respect. I'm a good doctor.
+House, People respect you. (Walks out) They just don't like you.
+ Cut to, Tommy's room. --
+Chase, Where's your wife?
+Tommy, She just needed some time.
+Chase, Not a fan of guns I take it.
+Tommy, It's not the guns. It's! I shouldn't have lied about it.
+Taub," I'm guessing it's a little of both. And a little of, ""Who the hell is this guy?"""
+Tommy, I'm not a nutcase. I just want to do Everything I can to protect my family.
+Chase, Don't worry. I'm sure she'll understand.
+ Cut to, Clinic room. --
+Guy in the clinic," At first, I thought it might be frostbite, but I haven't really been out in the cold."
+House, And yet your first thought was frostbite?
+Guy," Yeah, I guess I was just going by how it looks."
+House, It looks absolutely nothing like frostbite.
+Guy, You serious?
+House, With some difficulty.
+Guy, Then what is it?
+House, A sign that you need to take a long vacation. At least a month.
+Guy," A vacation? Wait, is this like a bucket list thing? It's cancer!"
+House, It's silver. I'm guessing silver nitrate mixed with petroleum jelly that your boss put on the petty cash so he'd know who to have arrested for stealing it.
+Guy, Damn.
+House," Yeah, damn. [Pager beeps] It's diffused into your skin, and the only way to get rid of it is to get new skin. That normally happens Every 30 days. (Starts walking out) So, I hear that La Crosse, Wisconsin has got the world's largest beer can. (Exits)"
+Regina, Here's the per diem schedules.
+Foreman, These are supposed to be in the computer files.
+Regina," Sorry. Since Claudine left, no one's been inputting the numbers."
+House, I miss Claudine.
+Regina, She left because of you.
+House, I thought that was Nadine. (Leaves the Patient's file on a desk)
+House, Emergency page takes precedence. (Walks out)
+Regina, I don't know how to use the program.
+Foreman, Then find someone who does. I got to get out of here.
+ Cut to," House's department. As House enters, we see Wilson hanging inside a big net, looking angry. --"
+House, Got your page.
+Wilson, You're an ass.
+House, Admit it.
+Wilson, Let me down.
+House," After you admit it. (Wilson stays quiet) You know, I'm a little tired. I think I'm gonna�"
+Wilson," All right, I admit it. Despite the fact that I know there's a gun in here, I'd nEver find it because you are more devious�"
+House, ClEver.
+Wilson, Devious.
+Wilson," All right, fine, clEver. More clEver and you'll always be one step ahead of me."
+ Cut to, Gym. Foreman is punParkng a boxing bag. --
+Anita, You're either preparing to fight Pacquiao or you're having one heck of a bad day. I'm Anita.
+Foreman, Eric. Nice to meet you. And you can tell Taub that he's gonna get the same treatment as this heavy bag if he doesn't cut this crap out.
+Anita, Who's Taub?
+Foreman," You know, I'm sure you're a nice person and you have no idea what you've gotten sucked into, but, really, I'm not interested."
+Anita," Okay, and I'm sure you're a nice person, but I just moved from Atlanta, and it's my first time at this gym, so definitely don't know who this Taub guy is, but I already agree. He's a jerk. [Laughs] Are you sure you don't want to start over? Take your time. I'll be around. (Walks away)"
+Foreman," Taub, it's Foreman."
+Taub," I can't talk now, I'm a little busy."
+Foreman, What's going on?
+Chase, Need some droperidol in here!
+Taub, I gotta go! (Hangs up)
+ Cut to," outside Tommy's room. The team is standing by the broken glass door, looking at Tommy, now asleep. --"
+Taub, He was hallucinating he was being attacked by bears.
+Adams, Points again to paranoia.
+Park," I agree. Except for the ""again"". Acute onset points to tularemia."
+Adams," Or it's been chronic, which points to GAD autoimmunity. Explains the neurological impairment as well as the normal blood work."
+Park, Tularemia doesn't always show up in blood work either.
+Chase, You know what else doesn't show up in the blood work? Nothing. This could be all psyParkatric. An untreated sParkzoid disorder he's finally lost the ability to suppress.
+Park, SParkzophrenia doesn't cause skin ulcers or fEvers.
+Chase," No, but digging delusions out of your skin with dirty fingernails could cause both."
+Park, I don't think he's a psych case.
+House, Because you're paranoid about paranoia.
+Park," Because his symptoms point towards an infection that spread to his brain. I think we should treat with high-dose, broad-spectrum�"
+Adams, which will kill him if it's a GAD autoimmunity.
+House," Treat for GAD. Corticosteroids and IV immunoglobulin. (Walks away, Park follows him)"
+Park, I'm not paranoid. And they don't dislike me. They don't Even really know me.
+House, They tell you that?
+Park, I didn't ask because you wouldn't beliEve the answer.
+House, It makes you feel better to think that.
+Park, You're the one Everyone dislikes. You pRobably don't Even think it's GAD. You're just agreeing with her because you think it'll create more conflict between us.
+House," There's only one way to find out. Actually, there's two but we're still waiting for that Jell-O delivery. Let me know how it goes. (Walks away)"
+ Cut to," House's apartment. House walks in, and notices something. He sees a thread tied in the doorway of the kitchen, a few inches above the floor. Looks around, and sees the closet door open. He grabs his cane, takes cover behind a wall, and pulls the thread. A net fires from inside the kitchen. --"
+Wilson," (comes out of the closet running, with a roll of duct tape in his hand) Gotcha!"
+House, You poor dumb bastard.
+House, Touch�.
+ Cut to," Anita's department. Foreman and Anita walk in, and start making out. --"
+Anita," [Giggles] Mm. [Sighs] God, this is exactly what I needed."
+Foreman, Tell me about it.
+Foreman," Oh my God. Who is that, your roommate?"
+Anita, It's just you have to go.
+Anita, Please. I'll explain later. Just hurry up. Please.
+Foreman, You have a boyfriend?
+Anita," No, he's not my boyfriend. He's my husband. I'm really sorry. (Shuts the door)"
+ Cut to," Tommy's room. Adams and Park are talking to House through the phone's speaker, and House is listening, still inside his bathroom. --"
+Park," His fEver's going through the roof, which means we were wrong about GAD and the steroids kicked the infection into high gear."
+Adams," Or it's GAD, and we started treatment too late."
+House, Increase the steroid dose.
+Park," We can't. If it's an infection, we'll kill him for sure."
+House," With neurological symptoms progressing this fast, he's dead either way. If we increase the steroids, then either death comes slower, which means we were too late with the GAD, or death comes faster, which means we were too stupid with the infection."
+Park," We were already stupid with the infection, but it's not too late. He's young, and he was perfectly healthy two days ago. He can fight this off if we give him a chance."
+House," Fine. But a shotgun is not gonna work. We need a sniper rifle. Start running DNA assays for sporotrichosis, meningococcemia, and any other boggle-winning words you can think of."
+Adams," You just said you wanted to increase the steroids, and now you want to just�"
+House, I changed my mind.
+Adams, But�
+House, Do what Park says. (Hangs up. Wilson opens the bathroom door. He has a metal detector in his hand.)
+Wilson," Well, you don't have a gun, but you do have my sunglasses, my tennis racket � I can't imagine why!"
+House, Had to kill a mouse. It was really hard with those stupid little sunglasses.
+Wilson, And my money clip.
+House, Was there any money in it?
+Wilson, Not anymore.
+House, Can I go to bed now? Or do you want to do a cavity search? Lock up on your way out.
+ Cut to, Lab. --
+Adams, This is ridiculous. Every moment we waste looking for a phantom infection is time we could be treating him.
+Park," For the wrong diagnosis. If it was GAD, he'd be having seizures."
+Adams," If it was infection, there would be some sign of it in his blood or CNS. Which there isn't."
+Park, Yet.
+Chase, I'm beginning to think we should just go with House's idea.
+Taub, This was House's idea. He said�
+Chase," No, I'm talking about the Jell-O. At least it wouldn't be so annoying to watch."
+[Door opens] Foreman," Taub, you got a minute? (They walk out) You're an ass. You know that?"
+Taub, What's the pRoblem? Some cute young nurse baked you cookies?
+Foreman," No, some guy almost caught me making out with his wife in their living room."
+Taub, And how exactly is that my fault?
+Foreman, If you hadn't been screwing with me and put the idea in my head!
+Taub, So you don't date anyone unless I put the idea in your head. You really do need psyParkatric help.
+Foreman," Unlike you, I don't need drama. I like my job, and I'm happy with my life."
+Taub, You're so happy with your life you've got nothing better to do at midnight than to come back into work to yell at me?
+Foreman, Stay out of my business. (Walks away)
+Taub," You're blaming the wrong guy! (Chase is staring at him) Good for him. Married one's not a keeper, but it's a start."
+Chase, You're an idiot.
+Nurse, He has stridor but no obstruction.
+Chase, He's anaphylaxing. Get me a trach kit. Scalpel. (Makes a little cut in Tommy's throat and inserts a trach tube.) It's not working. There's no breath sounds. It doesn't make any sense.
+Taub, His trachea's blocked below the incision point. We need racemic epinephrine.
+Nurse, We tried that already.
+Taub, We're gonna try again. It's our only choice.
+ Cut to," Outside Tommy's room. The team's looking at him, and House walks towards them.--"
+Chase," We got him breathing, but barely."
+Adams, At least we know tracheal edema isn't from anything we did because we're not doing anything.
+Taub," Which is a good thing, because neither GAD nor systemic infection would cause anaphylaxis or tracheal edema."
+Park, And an allergic reaction wouldn't get worse three days after he was admitted.
+Chase, So we've got nothing.
+House, Unless he was still being poisoned.
+Adams, By who? His wife wasn't Even here when he hallucinated.
+House, Good question.
+Adams, Now we're the ones being paranoid.
+Park," What about squamous cell carcinoma? If it's only in his epithelium, it wouldn't show up in his chest X-ray."
+Chase," It is possible, but!"
+House, Wouldn't cause hallucinations.
+Park, It could if you also have paraneoplastic syndrome.
+House, Get a biopsy.
+Taub, You think it's cancer?
+House," I think you should get a biopsy. (Walks to his office. Wilson is sitting there, and shows House a gun.)"
+Wilson," Admit it. (House says nothing. Wilson holds up a gun.) Two hours ago, I found this in your closet in a box with your name on it. I knew you'd move it somewhere outside your apartment until you were certain I'd given up looking. So I had to convince you that I'd given up looking."
+House, That's not a gun.
+Wilson," [Laughs, stands up and walks to House's desk] Yes, it's a paperweight with a handy storage compartment for .45-caliber bullets."
+House, And that's not a bullet.
+Wilson, Admit it. I'm more clEver and more devious. You can Even have it back. It's not my pRoblem if you go back to prison. My pRoblem is you thinking you're always one step ahead of me.
+House," This proves nothing because it's not a gun. It's a prop. From Dorothy Dietrich's magic act. Look it up. She's the only Woman to Ever do the ""Catch a Bullet"" trick. I won this off her prop master in a poker game."
+Wilson, House�
+House, It's fake! It's plugged. (He takes a pencil from his desk and sticks it in the barrel. It goes about half-way.) Look for yourself. (Aims at Wilson)
+Wilson," Hey, hey, don't point that thing at me."
+House, It's not dangerous because it's not a gun.
+Wilson," House, House, just stop it."
+House, Fine.
+Wilson, What the hell are you doing?
+House, Pull the trigger.
+Wilson, Don't be insane.
+House," They're blanks. You pull the trigger, I drool a little fake blood, and then I spit out the bullet that the audience thinks I caught in my teeth. Go ahead. Shoot me."
+Wilson, I'm not shooting you.
+House, All right. I'll shoot you. (He turns the gun so it points at Wilson.)
+Wilson," (Scared) Don't. House, don't. Even if they are blanks, people'll freak."
+House, It's not real. (He puts the pencil back in the barrel.) Which means you didn't prove that I have a gun. Which means you proved nothing. Admit it. Admit it.
+Wilson, All right.
+House," All right, what?"
+Wilson, You win.
+House, And it feels good.
+Wilson, Grr.
+ Cut to, Tommy's room. House walks in. --
+House," You were wrong. Don't feel too bad. We all were. His trachea wasn't swollen. It was blocked by a pseudomembrane growing across it. It means he's not paranoid, he's an idiot, and was poisoned. (Unplugs the device from Tommy's throat)"
+Chase, What are you doing?
+House," Give me a MaParkda scope. (Park gets it) (To Chase) Hold his legs. He's not gonna like this. Because you're not gonna be able to breathe. But I need to see down your barrel. (He looks through the scope down Tommy's throat) Good news is the poison didn't come from your wife. It came from a little bastard of a bacterium whose crap can cause chest pain, respiratory distress, skin ulcers, the growth of pseudomembrane across the airway, and, in very rare cases, hallucinations. (Gets the scope out, plugs Tommy to the ventilator.) (To Park) Call the CDC. Tell them we need antitoxin as soon as possible."
+Park, Diphtheria?
+House," We didn't guess it because nobody gets it. Instead of building bunkers, you should be getting boosters. As in routine vaccines against stuff that is actually scary."
+ Cut to, Lobby. Taub is signing some papers. --
+Foreman, Diphtheria.
+Taub, House pulled it out of nowhere.
+Foreman, Cool.
+Taub, You just getting in?
+Foreman, Had a meeting about a new Parking validation system.
+Taub, Cool.
+ Cut to, Tommy's room. --
+Park, How are you feeling?
+Tommy, Not great. [Door slides open. His wife Olivia comes in.] But better.
+Park, The antitoxin is working. He'll be able to go home in a few days.
+Olivia, That's good news. But we've moved out.
+Tommy," Oh, come on, Honey. I'm sorry I lied, but�"
+Olivia," I know, okay. It was for our own good, but I don't care. I don't want to be lied to, and I can't live like that. I can't live in that home."
+Tommy," Oh, please don't. I love you."
+Olivia, I love you too. Which is why you're not gonna live there either. I don't care if we might need them. I just know that I can't live my life feeling like we do. It's not worth living in fear.
+Tommy, Okay. I'm sorry. (Hugs her)
+ Cut to, Foreman's office. Nurse Regina drops some papers on his desk. --
+Foreman, Hey.
+Regina, [Softly] Hi.
+Foreman, Thanks.
+Regina," You know, there's a bunch of us going to happy hour after work. I'm craving nachos. You interested?"
+Foreman," Thanks, but I got a lot of work I need to get done."
+Regina," Sure. Well, if you change your mind, we'll be at Rudy's."
+Foreman, Okay.
+Park, Hey.
+Chase, Hey.
+Adams, Hey.
+Park, Would you like to get a drink sometime after work?
+Chase, You mean all of us or just us?
+Park, I was thinking just the two of us.
+Chase, Did Taub put you up to this?
+Park," No, it was just something I'd been thinking about and I figured what the heck? Might as well ask."
+Chase," Yeah, well, it's pRobably not a good idea, you know, with us working together."
+Park, Didn't you marry someone you used to work with?
+Chase," Yeah, but it! All right. Sure. When?"
+Park, Tonight?
+Chase, Sure.
+Foreman, Hey. Changed my mind. Okay. (Hangs up)
+ Cut to," House's apartment. House opens his closet, and takes out a cigar box. He puts the gun in there, and contemplates the box for a while. He puts it back on the shelf, and we see the box has 'House' written on it. He takes down a sword, and draws it from the scabbard. It has the inscription 'John House' near the handle. He contemplates his father's Marine Corp. sword and then puts it back on the shelf. He shuts the light and closes the door. --"
+ Cut to," Bar. Foreman's sitting there, with a beer in his hand.--"
+Anita, I'm glad you changed your mind.
+Foreman, Hey.
+Natalie ," We're in the car, Honey. We're going to the hospital for tests."
+Natalie , We're in the hospital. We're going to the Doctor's office.
+ Banerjee , Can you tell me what this is called? [She holds up a can-opener.]
+Andres [speaking with a light Portuguese accent]," Uh, you use it to get food from inside."
+ Banerjee ," Yes, but what's it called? Is it a spatula?"
+Andres , No.
+ Banerjee , Good. Is it a can opener?
+Andres ," Uh, no, it's, um! it's, um! You're trying to make me look stupid. [Suddenly, he rises, full of rage.] You can go to hell! Why don't you kill yourself?"
+Natalie , Andres. [She stands up and puts a hand on his shoulder.] It's okay. [She keeps a quiet voice and it seems to calm him down.]
+Andres [smiling] , There she is.
+Natalie ," Here I am. Here, come on. [She strokes his arm and finally they both sit down.] You just need to answer a few more questions. Then we're going home. We'll have lunch, okay?"
+Andres , Okay. [He turns to the doctor.] I'm sorry. I have Alzheimer's.
+ Banerjee , I know.
+Natalie ," The mood swings come on quickly, but, um! It's under control."
+ Banerjee , Don't worry. He's actually perfect for the drug trial.
+Natalie [surprised and somehow reliEved] , Oh. Thank God.
+ Banerjee , We can start as soon as next week.
+Natalie ," Andres! [Andres vomits blood.] Oh, my God! Andres!"
+Foreman , Early onset familial Alzheimer's. Brazilian descent. Blood chemistry showed high ammonia. Vomiting stopped after the E.R. put him on antiemetics.
+Park , Any recent health issues?
+Foreman , Just a sore throat a few weeks ago.
+Chase , How advanced is he? Could be hyperalimentation.
+Foreman ," Advanced enough, but no IV feedings. The wife shut down a floral company to stay home and feed him Every meal he's had in the last four years."
+House , Do we owe this case to your guilt at having ignored your own forgetful mommy?
+Foreman , My guilt over my mom is why I put up with my dad. You're taking this case because we're running a phase-two trial on an Alzheimer's drug.
+House , You couldn't round up enough doddering old Guinea pigs. You need us to fix this little piggy?
+Foreman , I'd like to sit in. Especially since you're short a team member.
+House , You mean Taub? [Pointing at his backpack] Got him in here.
+Chase , He asked for a personal day. His daughter's sick.
+House , Isn't that the point of having a spare? I denied his request.
+Foreman ," After I'd already approved it, which you knew because I sent you a memo."
+House ," Dr. Adams! taped under your chair is an index card. Would you read it, please?"
+Adams ," ""Wednesday, 2:43 p.m., a black Pawn will beliEve he's the black King and attempt to capture the! white head of diagnostics."""
+Park , It's 10:15 on Friday.
+House ," Damn it. Look, the point is I saw this coming. Dr. Foreman and I did not always see eye-to-eye. But he nEver had the power to overrule me. Now that he has the power, he won't be able to resist the temptation to use it. With great power comes great microManaging. And great vests."
+Foreman , I know you're the better diagnostician. I'm not gonna interfere. I'm only here to help.
+Park , Could be transient nitrogen load from a G.I. bleed.
+Chase , Not if the vomiting's persistent.
+House ," Which we won't know, because the E.R. put him on antiemetics. Take him off. [He sits down at the other end of the table, facing Foreman.]"
+Foreman ," Wait. He's puking his guts out. We'd risk aspiration. [He smiles] I'm just disagreeing, not overruling."
+House ," So glad you're on board. Take him off antiemetics, do an upper endoscopy to check for bleeds."
+Wilson , It could be a bladder infection. We'll run a pregnancy test.
+Kayla ," Oh, I'm not pregnant."
+Wilson , Any type of birth control can fail.
+Kayla , Not mine.
+Wilson ," Oh, I'm sorry. You said you were married."
+Kayla ," Yeah, happily."
+Wilson , That's okay. Sex can wane in any marriage over time.
+Wilson [covering surprise] , You're! both celibate.
+Kayla ," No, neither of us. Celibacy is a choice. This is our orientation. We're asexual."
+ embarrassed] , Not quite sure what box to check here.
+Chase ," You're making a mistake. If I had the power to veto him, given all the crap I've put up with over the years, don't know if I could use it objectively."
+Foreman ," I do, I can, I have."
+Chase , Might be easier if you'd stay out of the room.
+Foreman , I thought it'd be different. This week. Supposed to talk to his P.O. about getting his ankle monitor off early.
+Chase , You're saying he should defer to you?
+Foreman ," No, I'm just saying what he's doing doesn't seem rational, which makes me think it's rational in a way I'm not privy to. He always has a plan."
+Chase , And he's always self-destructive. He may just be shooting himself in the ankle.
+ personal items," pictures, books, a trophy. A whiteboard is hung by his bed where it is written ""You are at Princeton Plainsboro Hospital. Today is Friday. Also there are pictures of Chase, Park, Adams and Foreman with their names written under them. Chase guides an endoscope down Andres's throat. He is awake. Park assists him and Natalie is watParkng them.]"
+Natalie , I know it feels strange. Dr. Chase is just looking in your throat. We're in the hospital. You're fine.
+Chase [noticing the trophy] ," That's a pretty nice trophy, there, Andres."
+Natalie ," He coached youth soccer. Took a team that was 0-6 all the way to the state finals at Long Branch. Hey, thanks for doing this in here. SwitParkng rooms can be very disorienting."
+Park , You take very good care of him.
+Natalie ," I love him. Sickness and health, right?"
+Chase , Upper esophagus is clear. Moving on to the G.E. junction.
+Natalie , Hi.
+Joseph , Hey.
+Park , I'm sorry. Family members only during procedures.
+Joseph ," Uh, I'll� I'll be outside."
+Natalie ," Oh, no. Please, um, it's okay. Joseph helps me with my husband sometimes. He's a good friend."
+Park , Which means not family.
+Chase [to Natalie] ," Wait, we're gonna be here a while. Why don't you show Joseph where the visitor's lounge is?"
+Natalie , Okay. [She leaves the room with Joseph. Chase stares at Park who seems oblivious to the situation.]
+Park , What?
+Chase , Surprised you didn't go into the diplomatic corps.
+Park ," Oh, you think they're! [She bumps her fists together.]"
+Chase ," No, if they're having sex, it's pRobably with their genitals. [He notices something on the monitor.] Mallory-Weiss tear. Vomiting must have torn the lining."
+ Both are reading," Wilson, a psychology journal and House, a Japanese Manga entitled バッド・メディスン (Bad Medicine vol. 9, Eat It.) FYI: It's a fake.]"
+Wilson , You know that close to 1% of the population identifies as asexual?
+House ," We really gotta get you laid. If I have to plough that furrow myself, so be it."
+Wilson , I have a Patient who's asexual.
+House , Is she a giant pool of algae?
+Wilson ," It's a valid sexual orientation. According to this article, at least."
+House ," Yeah, I think I read that too. Is that fugliness weekly?"
+Wilson , She's perfectly fine-looking. Happily married for ten years.
+House , To a guy who loves penis enough for the both of them.
+Wilson , He's asexual too. Ran a complete physical on her. Nothing wrong except a common bladder infection.
+House , 100 bucks says I can find a medical reason why she doesn't want to have sex.
+Wilson , You're out of your mind if you think I'm letting you anywhere near my Patient.
+House , Fine. I won't go near her. Just give me her file and any blood samples you have left over.
+Wilson ," No contact, whatsoEver. You talk to her, the bet is void."
+House , No contact. Plays to my strengths anyway.
+Foreman ," Right now's not a good time, House."
+House , Not for the Dean of Medicine. But it's a perfect time if you're a member of my team. Which one are you?
+Foreman , What did the endoscopy show?
+Chase , No signs of ulcers or blockages.
+Foreman , But you found a tear just below the esophagus. Explains the bleeding.
+Park , Doesn't explain why he vomited so hard he ripped his insides.
+Adams , His liver enzymes are slightly elevated. Gallstones could've�
+House , no complaints of pain.
+Foreman , Steatohepatitis would make his AST and ATL lEvels rise.
+House ," Are you calling his liver fat? Start the Patient on statins, and do a biopsy to confirm. And knock him out. I've heard he's a wiggler."
+Foreman , There's no need to put him under. We can confirm fatty liver with an ultrasound. [House looks to Foreman pointedly.] Just making an observation.
+House ," Well done. Now, as a member of my team, you can make the equally-useful observations that the sky is blue, I'm wearing pants, and I'm ignoring your first observation."
+Foreman , Of course.
+Foreman , Wait.
+House , And there it is.
+Foreman , You're trying to screw with my confidence.
+House ," Well, if I wanted to do that, I'd tell you how much the nurses hate you."
+Foreman ," You're trying to get me to define myself as a subordinate to keep me from Ever intervening, Even if it's fully in the scope of my duties. Like now. This isn't about diagnostics, it's about what's safe for the Patient. Do the ultrasound."
+House , Ultrasound it is. And the nurses love you.
+Foreman , You don't think I knew House was gonna tell you to ignore me and not do the ultrasound?
+Chase , This is an ultrasound maParkne.
+Foreman , Which you're gonna use to do an ultrasound-guided biopsy. PRobably got a kit stashed here!
+Adams ," ""Cuddy dark will waste his afternoon chasing conspiracy theories."""
+Chase , You're letting him get inside your head. He could do a lot of damage in there.
+Natalie , Dr. Chase. He started vomiting again.
+Chase , This is why we stopped the antiemetics. We needed to see if it was still a symptom.
+Natalie ," Okay. Here, you want this?"
+Andres [agitated] , Get your hands off me. You're taking my head.
+Natalie ," It's okay, Andres. You're in the hospital. Here. [She strokes his arm trying to comfort him, but he lunges at her and punches her so hard that she's knocked back. Foreman and Chase rush over to control Andres.]"
+Chase , 10 milligrams of Diazepam!
+Foreman , Already on it.
+Natalie , I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm all right.
+Chase , Foreman.
+Foreman , Blood in his urine.
+Adams , Resume the antiemetics and increase the sedation. He really went after her.
+Park ," Maybe he found out about her ""good friend."""
+Chase ," It was just paranoid rage, typical of Alzheimer's. We don't Even know if they were sleeping together."
+Park , A few hours ago you were sure.
+House , And that's significant why?
+Park , Sorry. Only the bleeding's medically relevant.
+House ," No, I wasn't being rhetorical. If they are sleeping together, why do we disapprove?"
+Adams , You're pro-infidelity?
+House ," She's not married. If marriage is feeding and cleaning someone, limiting conversations, to repeating a few simple comMands, then I was married to my pet rat. And a lot of people owe me wedding gifts. [House sees Foreman and suddenly turns around to continue on another way.] And we're walking, we're walking."
+Adams ," I don't care how sick your spouse gets, you don't jump ship."
+Chase ," Alzheimer's is different. She can't share her pRoblems with him, or plan for the future. The Man she married no longer exists."
+Adams ," Yes, he does. He's in there. This is why you get married."
+House , Said the divorced Woman to the divorced Man.
+Adams , I didn't jump ship. My husband sank it when he cheated on me. Commitment's not conditional.
+Chase , She is there for him in the only way that matters now. She gave up her life to take care of him.
+House ," Which proves she's an idiot. If she had any sense, she'd have stuck him in a facility and jumped on that strange�[Foreman is standing in their way.] Dr. Foreman! We were just looking for you."
+Foreman ," I was right about the antiemetics. If you kept him on them like I said, he wouldn't have gotten agitated and punched his wife."
+House ," Yes, we're back to my supposed diabolical plan to shake your confidence. Let's see if this helps. [They are now in House's office.] If you're speaking as a team member, then I'd say you're a moron. Because taking him off the antiemetics gave us crucial diagnostic information. If you're speaking as Dean of Medicine, then I'd say you're a moron. 'Cause your microManaging kept us from doing a biopsy. If we had, the Patient would have been anesthetized hours ago, thus unable to go all Chris Brown on her ass."
+Foreman ," Unless one of your index cards actually predicted the guy was gonna punch his wife, Everything you're saying is post hoc rationalization."
+House ," Dr. Park, would you please reach under that chair? [House sits down on his chair. Park is sitting on the other side of his desk. She reaches under the chair House pointed at and finds an index card."
+Park ," ""The Patient will punch his wife."" [They all smile.]"
+Foreman , You clearly wrote that after the fact.
+House ," Dr. Adams, would you please reach into my pants? [Of course she doesn't. House reaches in his pocket and retriEves yet another card.]"
+House ," ""Dr. Blackenshmurtz will accuse me of writing about the punch after the fact."" Now, look. Here's a photograph of me holding a newspaper. [He holds up the picture for Everyone to see: it's him with the note and the newspaper.] Dated last Tuesday. Now, how could I have gotten my hands on that?"
+Foreman ," You done? Rhabdomyolysis fits the vomiting, pigmenturia, and renal failure."
+Adams ," No muscle symptoms, and urine had no myoglobin. TTP fits, though."
+House ," Start him on plasmapheresis. Unless! unless I need to say, ""mother, may I?"" And mother is an abbreviation. [They all leave his office.]"
+Chase , Fresh plasma will replace the damaged red blood cells that are clogging his kidneys.
+Joseph , That sounds hopeful.
+s eye] , How is that feeling?
+Natalie , I've nEver been hit in the eye before. I feel kinda badass. [To Joseph] I think maybe you should go. I'm fine. Okay?
+Joseph , I'll see you tomorrow. [He gives her a kiss on the forehead and leaves. Chase feels out of place.]
+Natalie , Okay. [To Chase] We're not having an affair.
+Chase , It's none of my business.
+Natalie [almost crying]," I mean, not� not really. 'Cause nothing's happened. We've talked about it a lot, and! it's just really hard doing this by myself."
+Chase , When's the last time you had a full night's sleep?
+Natalie [blows] , Um! I don't know. Three years.
+Chase , You're not going to get any rest here. People who are sick are not the only ones who need to be taken care of. [He leaves.]
+Park , Why doesn't Chase have to be here?
+House , You think he knows anything about women who don't want to have sex?
+Adams , Hormone lEvels are normal. This Woman seems perfectly healthy. What does it matter if she says she's asexual?
+House ," It's the fundamental drive of our species. Sex is healthy. Orgasms oxygenate the brain, lighting up over 30 different areas and making us forget how boring Susie Cooper is. That last one may not be universal."
+Park , How about damage to her spinal cord blocking the signals from her genitals?
+Adams , Sex drive is in the brain. I suppose it could be psychological intimacy issues caused by Parkldhood abuse.
+House , She's been sharing a toilet with the same guy for the last ten years.
+Adams , It's not the same. Sex releases oxytocin. It's the neurochemical basis for bonding.
+House , And that's why men always marry their right hands.
+Adams , It's different for girls.
+Park ," No it's not. I've tapped over 30 guys and nEver wanted to see most of them again. [House and Adams look at each other, surprised and speechless.] I live next to a Jewish frat."
+House , We are veering wildly off track. Please continue.
+Adams ," This Woman's life is pRobably better off without sex. Eliminates most of her insecurity, she's immune to most advertising and can have honest relationships with men."
+House [chuckling] , Not a lot of them.
+Adams , We've run Every test and ruled out all the options. You're gonna have to accept she just doesn't want sex.
+House ," Lots of people don't have sex. The only people who don't want it are either sick, dead, or lying."
+Adams , So maybe she's lying. You think she's had a boyfriend on the side?
+House , For ten years? Sticking around the whole time? Doesn't make sense. [Thinking!] What does! [He grabs his cane and leaves the room without a word.]
+Adams [looking at Park] , 30?
+Park , Everybody lies. [She heads out.]
+Adams [still confused] , Higher or lower?
+Natalie , Followed your advice and took the night off.
+Chase , Seems to have done you some good.
+Natalie , Mm-hmm.
+Natalie , Where's my husband?
+Foreman , He's not in the hospital.
+Natalie , So he just walked out?
+Foreman , All of the shift nurses had their hands full with a double code.
+House , Perfectly reasonable explanation. Same thing happened to me. Couldn't find my keys for days.
+Foreman , The police have been notified. I have staff searParkng.
+Natalie [accusing Chase] , You told me it was okay to leave.
+Chase , I'm sorry.
+Natalie ," He has Alzheimer's! It's freezing outside, and he's sick! I mean, you don't Even know what it is yet, do you?"
+Chase ," The plasmapheresis hasn't had time to work, but TTP is our most likely�"
+Natalie ," Okay, I'm just� I have to go look for him. [She heads out but House stops her with his cane.]"
+Joseph ," Hey, don't be an ass. Can't you see she's upset?"
+House ," No, she's guilty. 'Cause instead of being at her husband's side, she was under you."
+Natalie ," Okay, that's� y�"
+House ," Yeah, yeah, yeah! He already said I was an ass. Personally, I applaud your decision to step down off your cross and get on with your life, but your misplaced guilt is shutting down your brain. We need you to sit, focus, and answer our questions."
+ Everything is the same on it except one thing," ""Today is Saturday""�.]"
+House ," So, at 6:00 a.m., the Patient wakes up, and the first thing he sees!"
+Foreman ," In moments of confusion, Alzheimer's Patients regress to old routines."
+House, So what would your husband do on a Saturday morning?
+Natalie , Nothing. Be at home.
+Foreman , What about a year ago? Or five years? Ten?
+Natalie ," I don't know, um, he! he trained for a marathon once. Soccer practice. We took a cooking class."
+Chase , That soccer trophy you were telling me about.
+House , It's gone. Where was practice?
+Natalie , It was close to here. On Chesterfield.
+Chase ," Okay, he comes, he thinks he's waiting for practice."
+Adams , He'd want to get out of the wind. What's somewhere he could see the kids arrive?
+Chase [pointing at the side of a building beside the field] , There. Over here.
+Chase ," On three. [They turn him over and put something on his neck to keep it steady.] One, two, three."
+Adams [trying to find a heartbeat] , Nothing.
+Chase , Not dead until he's warm and dead.
+House , Get him to the ICU. Start him on extracorporeal circulation.
+Adams ," That'll raise his temperature too quickly, it'll cause acidosis."
+House ," We can deal with his metabolism crashing, we can't rEverse brain damage if we go too slowly."
+Chase ," Either way, we don't get his temperature above 95, it's not going to matter."
+Adams , Multiple warm lavage is safer.
+Foreman , Do what House says.
+Natalie ," He has no heartbeat, and he's not breathing. How can he not be dead?"
+Foreman ," The body slows down when it cools, but it doesn't fully stop. We're warming his blood outside of his body, then putting it back. It'll raise his temperature enough that his heart should naturally start. Then we can shock it back into rhythm."
+Natalie , And if it doesn't start?
+Foreman , Then there's nothing we can do.
+Adams ," You think it's possible he knew what he was doing? Like some part of him gets what he's putting his wife through, so he tried to�"
+Chase , Kill himself? It's what I'd do if I were him. At least I wish I would.
+Adams [surprised] , I meant run away. You think you should kill yourself if you become a burden to the people who love you?
+Chase ," If you really l love them back, then! yes."
+Adams, That's really dark.
+Chase , It's not naive.
+Adams ," I just beliEve people are capable of more than you do, apparently. [Beeping] We've got brain activity."
+Chase , Temp's at 93. His heart should start soon. My dad left me alone to care for my alcoholic mom and raise my baby sister. I was just a teenager. I spent half my time changing diapers and the other half cleaning up my mom's vomit.
+Adams , But it must've been important that you stayed for both of them.
+Chase ," Mom died after a few years. It was ugly and painful, and she went with me hating her. My sister ended up drinking half of her life away and hating me because I couldn't help. After mom, I had nothing left. So do I wish mom had used a gun instead of a bottle? Yes."
+Adams , I� I didn't know.
+Chase , That's why I told you.
+Chase ," Ventricular fibrillation. 300 milligrams amiodarone. [the defibrillator whines] Careful. Once we establish rhythm, any accidental movement could crash him back into V-fib. [Chase puts the paddles on Andres's chest.] Clear."
+Foreman ," We still have a long way to go. Cold can be protective to the brain, but there is a possibility of damage. We also need to confirm and treat whatEver's making him sick."
+House ," I just gotta do a standard battery of tests. Blood, urine, EEG!"
+Man [surprised] , Is that really necessary for a free flu shot?
+House , Excuse me. I have to deal with someone who's having a panic attack.
+Wilson , I specifically said the bet was off if you contacted the Patient.
+House , Exactly. NEver said anything about the Patient's husband.
+Wilson , The deal was a medical reason why she doesn't have sex.
+House ," I admit I was stuck, until I realized the medical issue was not hers but his. She's lying to compensate. It's a tale as old as time. Boy meets girl, girl falls for boy, boy says, ""I'm asexual."" Girl says, ""yeah, me too."""
+Wilson , Your twisted logic can't hide the fact that tricking a Patient into being tested is completely unethical.
+House , Come on. Don't you think she deserves to know why her husband won't bend her over the kitchen counter? You love all that caring crap.
+Wilson , You're not doing this out of the kindness of your heart. You're not Even doing this out of medical curiosity.
+House , I thought I made it clear I'm doing it for the cash.
+Wilson ," Two people are happy, and your natural impulse is to destroy it."
+House , How do you know she's happy? Did she tell you?
+Wilson ," No, Parkrping birds flew out of her butt carrying a banner."
+House ," All right, I admit that my natural impulse is to doubt peoples' claims to happiness, but yours is to be a sucker for them. You tell me which one's worse. [He goes back into the exam room.]"
+Park ," He just opened his eyes a little while ago. His heartbeat's doing well, and his body temperature is stabilized."
+Natalie , There he is.
+Andres [speaking Portuguese] , Me sinto quente.
+Park , Is that Portuguese?
+Natalie ," Yeah. Honey, I don't understand."
+Andres , Me sinto quente.
+Park , What's he saying?
+Natalie ," I don't know. I tried to learn when we got married, but I just � it's okay. It's okay."
+Park , His body temperature is rising. It's above normal.
+Natalie [concerned] ," Wait, I thought � I thought you said it was stable. Why is it still rising?"
+Park , I don't know.
+Foreman ," Vomiting, liver, kidneys, and now fEver."
+House ," I don't want to tell you how to do your job, Dr. Foreman, since telling people how to do their job is your job, but when your less-than-competent administration of this hospital affects what's written on my whiteboard!"
+Foreman , Get to the point.
+House ," The word ""fEver."" Could come from the Patient's illness, or it could come from the fact that you allowed him to saunter out of your hospital and take a nap in the snow."
+Foreman , Couldn't have caught a virus while he was outside. FEver came on too fast.
+Chase , The hypothermia could've caused cell necrosis.
+House ," TTP was the diagnosis when he walked out. FEver's a little high, but it still fits. We should continue plasmapheresis."
+Foreman , We're missing symptoms. We should add language loss and aggression.
+House , Should we also add forgetfulness? He's got Alzheimer's.
+Foreman , We've just been assuming.
+House , Because the Patient's wife said he exhibited both for a year.
+Foreman , He's nEver hit her before or lost all his English. We have to consider any change since he's been admitted as relevant.
+House , Have to? Do I need to pull out another card?
+Foreman , Disseminated viral infection with encephalitis. Patient complained of a sore throat a few weeks ago.
+House , Start him on Interferon.
+Chase ," Encephalitis makes his brain swell, which causes symptoms that are hard to distinguish from his Alzheimer's. With the Interferon his English should come back, and the aggression should subside."
+Natalie , But you're not sure.
+Chase ," Unfortunately, no."
+Natalie ," And you're not sure if he has brain damage from being frozen. So best-case scenario, I've just had a glimpse into his future? [Upset] I can't take care of him anymore."
+Adams , Chances are his mental state will improve. You could get more time with him.
+Natalie ," We married six months after I met him. A year after that, he started forgetting things. I've known my husband longer with his Alzheimer's than without. I've watched more of him disappear than I Ever got to know. I just can't do this anymore."
+House ," You lose. Blood work shows high lEvels of prolactin. [He throws the file on Wilson's desk.] Add that to some peripheral red-green confusion, puts my money � excuse me, your money � soon to be my money, on a tumor near his pituitary. PRobably started growing in his early teens."
+Wilson [looking at the file], Lowering his libido and causing erectile dysfunction.
+House ," A year on dopamine agonists, and he'll be a sex-crazed creep just like the rest of us, completely fascinated by Susie Cooper. I'd prefer to be paid in a single $100 bill. Always wanted to use one to light a cigar."
+Wilson , Hooray for us. We disproved his asexuality. We also pRobably ruined his life.
+House ," He'll thank us. Then he'll doze off, and then in a couple hours, he'll thank us again. [He sits down in front of Wilson.]"
+Wilson , It could destroy his identity. It's like a gay person being told they're really straight.
+House , So don't tell him.
+Wilson ," Yeah, why bother telling a guy he has a tumor growing in his head? He'll notice it Eventually, when it starts leaking out his ears."
+House , It's a slow-growing tumor. He'll pRobably die of boredom long before that.
+Wilson [pointing at House accusingly] , You always do this. You� you meddle and force me into impossible situations.
+House ," You knew the second you told me about this case that I'd get involved. You wanted me to meddle. Because no matter how much you wanted to beliEve in this chaste roMance, you didn't buy it either."
+Foreman , Where's that petition House's P.O. sent over about getting his ankle monitor off?
+Regina , On your desk.
+Foreman ," You played me. This whole thing was about your ankle monitor. You weren't trying to undermine my confidence; you were trying to inflate it. You Manufactured conflict with me so Eventually you could let me win. [Getting angry] You knew it was encephalitis, but you waited for me to say it because then with my ego boosted, you thought I'd be in the mood to take off your monitor because I'd think I could control you."
+House ," You're right. Take off my monitor. See, the beauty of the plan is that if it works, you think you can control me. If it fails, then you will actually have proven that you can control me. It's pretty genius. [He puts his right leg on his desk so they can both see his ankle monitor.] These are your training wheels. If you think you're up to this job, it's time to lose them. [Foreman looks at him and finally tears up the paperwork he was holding in his hand.] Second half of my plan might need work. [Suddenly both their beepers go off.]"
+Chase , V-fib. Two rounds of 360 without establishing a rhythm.
+Adams ," Wait, Dr. Foreman! [She pulls Foreman aways just as House shocks Andres.]"
+House [innocently] , Clear.
+House , He's back.
+House ," I sure hope this Alzheimer's drug trial is worth a lot to this hospital, 'cause we're wasting a crap-load of time and Manpower just to let this guy watch his mind shrivel and keep his wife miserable."
+Foreman ," Heart attack while he was on Interferon rules out encephalitis, but I still think I'm right about the neural symptoms. It's pRobably aseptic meningitis."
+Chase , Would have seen meningial signs.
+Foreman ," Given his abnormal mental status, not necessarily."
+House ," Dr. Foreman, would you please reach under your chair?"
+Foreman , There's just wet gum under here. Where's the card?
+House , What card?
+Foreman , I'm happy to leave if you have a better theory than aseptic meningitis.
+House , Toxins. This guy went on walkabout. Chances are he's done it before.
+Foreman , Wife keeps the doors on the House locked.
+House , Plenty of nasty stuff to get into during the middle of the night.
+Foreman , We asked about toxins on the history. The wife said she was sure to clear the House for her husband's safety.
+House ," I'm sure she succeeded. She's a PhD in toxicology, right? She's an ex-florist. Search the home for toxic plants, methyl bromide, any medications. [The team gets ready to leave the room.]"
+Foreman , Stop. You're not infallible. You were wrong about encephalitis.
+House , Just before you were.
+Foreman , Run CSF tests. Find out what's causing the meningitis.
+House , You said you weren't gonna overrule me diagnostically.
+Foreman ," And you said I wouldn't be able to help it. Apparently, you were right about that one. [Foreman leaves the room.]"
+House , Fine. I'll look for toxins myself.
+Adams , You can't go to their House without Foreman's permission.
+House , Don't need it. I'll talk to the toxicology PhD upstairs. [He also leaves.]
+House , What about gifts from South America? Anyone send any fruits or vegetables?
+Natalie ," I don't think so, no."
+Andres [speaking Portuguese] , Barraco azul!
+House , I'm gonna need your boyfriend to collect samples of plants in and around your House. Toxins are the most!
+Andres [speaking Portuguese] , Barraco azul!
+House [addressing Andres in Portuguese] , O que e isso? Barraco azul?
+Natalie [surprised] ," Wait, you understand him? What's he saying?"
+House ," He's� he's repeating, ""blue shack."" You know what that is? Is it somewhere where pesticides may be kept?"
+Natalie , It's where we had our first date.
+House , Do you have a cleaning lady who might bring her own supplies?
+Natalie , What's he saying?
+House ," If it's not relevant to the case, I don't care. And neither should you."
+Natalie , Please. This might be the last time I Ever know what he's thinking.
+s words] ," When I saw her waiting! waiting for me at the table! The way her eyes looked when she smiled! I felt like crying. I knew that she was the Woman I wanted to marry. [Natalie is clearly moved by his words; She stares at Andres lovingly.] Every time I see her, I say!"
+Andres , La esta ela.
+House and Natalie , There she is. [She approaches him.]
+Natalie , He's still in there.
+Andres , Quem e ela?
+Natalie [turning to House] , What did he say?
+House , He asked who you were. [She looks a bit disappointed.] Don't get your hopes up. Have your boyfriend give me those samples.
+Man , How'd you Even know to look for a tumor?
+Wilson ," Well, Dr. House noticed hormone lEvels in your blood, and consulted me as an oncologist."
+Kayla ," Who cares how they found it, okay? They found it. Are there any side effects to the treatment?"
+Wilson ," Some nausea, dizziness, and as the tumor shrinks, there will be behavioral changes."
+Man , Like what?
+Wilson , Well! the tumor interferes with certain natural systems. Um! [Embarrassed] It lowers libido and causes erectile dysfunction.
+Man ," Eh! Y-you mean the treatment will, um! m-make me want to have sex? Wh-what if I don't want the treatment?"
+Wilson , I would strongly advise!
+Kayla ," You have a brain tumor, okay? You have to have the treatment."
+Man ," Okay, look, I know who I am, okay? And I'm not one of them."
+Kayla ," Hey, look, we'll adjust. Okay? We can go through this together."
+Man , You mean have sex? I can't make you do that.
+Kayla , Maybe it won't be so bad.
+Man , It'll be terrible.
+Kayla , It's actually pretty fun. From what I remember.
+Man , But you said that!
+Kayla, I know. I know. I wanted to spend my life with you. And I knew that meant making certain sacrifices. But a girl has needs.
+ Laffont , You dropped in the U.S. News rankings.
+Foreman ," With respect, Mr. Laffont, that's only because we temporarily shut down our Diagnostics Department. It's up and running again."
+ Laffont ," I'm actually concerned it might be because of the change in Management. If you want my money, I'll need to see a five-year plan. [As he is talking, Foreman tries to listen but unconsciously focuses on a vase of flowers behind them.] Am I boring you?"
+Foreman ," No, no, I just! Those flowers are from last week. They should be dead by now."
+ Laffont , Excuse me?
+Foreman [figuring something out] , Sorry. I have to go. [He gets up quickly and leaves the room.]
+Foreman , It's Reye's syndrome. Patient had a sore throat a few weeks ago before he was admitted.
+House , Reye's in adults is a reach.
+Foreman , Not if he took aspirin.
+House , Aspirin in adults is a reach. Especially in a House with locked medicine cabinets.
+Foreman , Wasn't in the medicine cabinet. Wife used to run a floral company. Still does a few orders from home. She uses crushed aspirin in the water to make the flowers last longer.
+House ," So the husband has a sore throat, takes an aspirin without her knowing, realizes he's got a sore throat, takes an aspirin, realizes he's got a sore throat! Stop me whenEver you like. Have Chase start him on steroids."
+Foreman , Already did.
+House , Then why're you telling me?
+Foreman ," 'Cause I wanted you to hear it from me. [Pleased with himself, he walks out of the room.]"
+Andres [smiling] , Oh! There she is.
+Natalie , Here I am.
+Andres , Your eye. What happened?
+Natalie , It's nothing I can't handle.
+Wilson , MRI confirmed macroprolactinoma. He's doing the treatment.
+House , And the wife?
+House , Come on. You saved a Man's life. Course-corrected two peoples' wildly screwed-up world views. It's not bad for a day's work.
+Wilson , I think they were happy. Even if it was based on lies.
+House [putting the cigar in his mouth] , Most happiness is. [He turns on his lighter and sets fire to the bill] Better to have schtupped and lost then nEver to have schtupped at all. [House lights on his cigar with the flame emerging from the bill.]
+Wilson , We can't smoke in here. [He sits down beside House and also uses the flame to light his cigar.]
+House , We also can't summon people into the clinic based on a lie motivated by a petty bet. And yet it happens. It's an imperfect world.
+House , Well?
+Wilson , Disgustingly satisfying.
+House [pointing at Wilson] , He said it was okay.
+Uniformed Man , Is one of you Dr. House?
+House [turning to Wilson] ," You've seen Spartacus, right?"
+Uniformed Man , I got an order here to deactivate and remove his ankle monitor.
+s face, He seems genuinely surprised but somehow happy by the announcement. Cut to the Diagnostics room where Chase is sitting alone in the dark. He is holding his phone in his hand; he seems to hesitate but finally composes a number and puts the phone to his ear.]
+s sister , Robbie?
+Chase ," Hi, sis."
+s sister , It's been years.
+Chase , I know. I thought of you on mom's birthday.
+s sister , Is Everything okay?
+Chase ," Yeah, yeah. Fine. I just!"
+Chase , wanted to see how you were.
+s sister , I'm fine.
+Foreman [barely looking at House] , Bikes go faster without training wheels.
+Foreman , Now get out. I have work to do.
+House , Whoops.
+House, How long has your daughter had trouble breathing?
+Father, About a week now.
+House, The best dads wait two or more.
+Jane Doe," Yeah, no, it's not like it's serious. I-I checked online, and it's! asthma or something."
+House," ""Or something"" is the number one killer of teens with no medical degree. When was the last time he took you to see a doctor?"
+Jane Doe," Uh, like five months ago. We went a clinic in Trenton. I had strep throat."
+House, You remember the antibiotic they gave you? Is it neomycin?
+Jane Doe," Amoxicillin. [House nods slightly. She passed that test.] So about the inhaler for my asthma, I was�"
+House," Sorry! Hospital policy specifically prohibits me from giving meds to unrelated homeless people pretending to be father and daughter. [to the father] Your pants are a size too short, so either you grew a couple of inches or you grabbed the closest size in a thrift store. [to Jane Doe] And only you have dimples, which are adorable, but they're also an x-linked dominant genetic trait. Which actually doesn't prove anything. The fact that you didn't burst into tears tells me that you nEver thought he was your dad."
+Jane Doe, [to her faux-father] Let's get out of here.
+House," Since you're the brains of the operation, might wanna stick around."
+Jane Doe," What, so I can get busted by Social Services?"
+House," No, so you can stop bleeding out of your ear. [She puts her hand to her right ear. There's a stream of blood from it to her jaw line.] It's usually a sign of a skull fracture. Someone been using your head as a soccer ball?"
+Jane Doe, No.
+House," Much as I'd like to take your word for it, I have no interest in taking your word for it. [He runs his hands over her head.] No tenderness, no pain. Looks like you might actually be telling the truth about something. [He gets an otoscope from the drawer and looks in her ear.] Ear canal is fine. [checks her forehead with his hand] You don't have a fEver. Pay the Man. He's late for a trashcan fire."
+Jane Doe, Would you - would you tell me what's going on? What's wrong with me?
+House, I have no idea.
+Taub, Why'd you ask to meet us 30 miles away from the hospital?
+House," [picks up his right leg, plops it on the table and pulls up the pant leg to show his monitor-less ankle] Because I can. Also, Chris Christie's blog says the pancakes here are the best. So! what do we got on this 18-year-old with the ear bleed and the breathing pRoblems?"
+Adams, CT confirms no skull fracture. And looking at her confirms she's not 18.
+House," Yes, she is. Says so in the file."
+Adams, We can't treat an underage Patient without a guardian. We need to call Social Services.
+House," I cut a deal with the Patient. We don't call, she doesn't bolt."
+Taub," WhatEver age, living on the street makes her vulnerable to malnutrition, drug use, H.I.V., all things which could explain her symptoms."
+Chase, [checking the file] No sign of malnutrition. Tox screen is clear. S.T.D. panel was negative. [looking toward the door] And! is that Foreman?
+House," Oh, my goodness, it is! [waves his hand widely] Hi, Dean Foreman! [House picks up his phone and starts taking pictures. Anita heads for a table in another part of the restaurant. Foreman comes over.] Are you not gonna introduce us because we're married? Oh, no, wait � that's her."
+Foreman," She's a pharmaceutical rep, and this is a working breakfast."
+House, In a restaurant that's nowhere near your home or the hospital.
+Foreman, Chris Christie recommends the pancakes. [leaves]
+Chase, Squamous cell middle ear tumor could have caused the ear bleed. Paraneoplastic reaction caused the breathing pRoblems.
+Taub, Middle ear looks completely normal. But there is thickening in the lining of the wall of the third ventricle. Could be a sign of cerebral infection.
+Adams, Would explain the lack of fEver. Pneumococcus is pretty common among the homeless population. We should find out if she's been vaccinated.
+House," Sure, ask her, and when she refuses to tell you anything, start her on ceftriaxone for pneumococcus."
+Taub, And if she says she has been vaccinated?
+House," Then don't beliEve her, and start her on ceftriaxone for pneumococcus."
+Adams, How about we don't beliEve she's gonna bolt and we call Social Services?
+House," While I'm in the little boys' room, you can pretend that I'm seriously considering that idea."
+Park, The bathroom's that way.
+House, Pretty sure there's one in the hospital.
+Adams," When I was your age, I ran away. Lived on my own. At the time, it seemed�"
+Jane Doe," Oh, let me guess. Life with mom and dad was kind of a drag. So you just ran away, lived with friends, and partied with guys that you knew your parents would hate. And then when you got tired of being a rebel, you just went home. Being homeless isn't a vacation for me. And I'm not acting out. My life at home sucked, so I got the hell out of there."
+Taub, There are other options besides living on the streets.
+Jane Doe," Right, like group homes, where you're packed in with as Many messed-up delinquent kids as possible; foster parents who only take you in because you're a meal ticket."
+Taub, I can think of easier ways to make 175 bucks a week.
+Jane Doe," No, you're right � I really should roll the dice and hope for a pair that don't ruin my life the way that my mom� Get your hands off my stuff!"
+Adams, The stuff might tell us more about why you're sick. A history textbook. You go to school?
+Jane Doe, I don't plan on being homeless forEver.
+George," [bad southern accent] Hello, good sir. My brother, the General here, gots the green-apple quickstep."
+House," One of us is in the wrong time zone. And if it's me, I need to talk to a stockbroker and anyone from the Kennedy family, in that order."
+George," Well, he got the runs, and we do need him up and at 'em for battle tomorrow."
+House," It's hardly authentic, coming to a newfangled clinic, especially with a Yankee doctor."
+Sheldon," Sir, are you questioning my resolve?"
+House," Yes, and your sanity. I'm multitasking."
+George," Uh, General! Don't light out. We swore that we would see the elephant together."
+House," Well, far be it from me to come between two nut jobs and their ""elephant."" [He gets a bottle of milk of magnesia or antacid from a cupboard and hands it to Sheldon who looks at it suspiciously.] I could add some mercury, if you want to make it more authentic."
+George," The Confederacy thanks you, Doc."
+Chase, Got House's phone. Deleted all photos of you and Anita.
+Foreman, I owe you.
+Taub, An affair? NEver knew you were such a tramp.
+Foreman," Neither did I. Anita, she's fun, smart. Not looking for anything serious. It's-it's! pretty perfect. Except for the gnawing guilt about the husband. The lies she must be telling him."
+Chase, But not guilty enough to stop seeing her.
+Taub," She's smoking hot, and it's not his job to protect her marriage."
+Foreman, Aren't you supposed to be pointing a finger at your own life as a cautionary tale?
+Taub," If not for cheating, I might still have a wife, but I wouldn't have Sophie and Sophia. Which means I wouldn't be preparing for their visit this week by Parkld locking all my cabinets, padding table corners, and getting rid of Every single magazine."
+Chase, You could pRobably just hide the porn in your underwear drawer.
+Taub," Magazines go away so I won't ignore my Parkldren. I know I have to pay attention to them. I want to pay attention to them, but they're just so! boring."
+Taub, Did you learn anything at Jane Doe's school?
+Adams," They did a bunch of vaccinations, including pneumococcus. Take her off the ceftriaxone."
+Taub, So we're back to square none?
+Adams," Not exactly. The name she registered under seems to be fake, but the address is a foreclosed House. We'll let you know what we find."
+Park," [checking the cupboards] Plenty of food, water."
+Adams, [opening another cupboard] And beer.
+Park, She eats well. Goes to school and makes good grades. She's a homeless girl who's captain of the volleyball team.
+Adams, How can you be okay with this? Your mom sends you to work with snacks.
+Park, I want and need parents. Jane Doe is flourishing without them.
+Adams, Maybe. [looking under the sink with a flashlight] But this mold definitely is.
+Jane Doe," [furious] You went to my school. Now that they know, they'll report me. I can't go back there!"
+Adams, You may have a fungal infection. You need that medicine.
+Jane Doe," Fluconazole, right? [getting out of bed] I'll get it at a clinic. [collapses on the floor] Ohh! Oh. I can't feel my legs. Hey, wha� is that the infection?"
+Adams, I don't think so.
+House," So! What causes an ear bleed, breathing pRoblems, and our runaway's inability to run away?"
+Chase, Fungal infection's off the table. What about transverse myelitis?
+House," Not with normal posterior column function. [pumps the barrel] I've been waiting to do this for months. Pull! [The team members cover their ears. Someone from the range pushes a button and a clay pigeon flies from right to left in front of House. He shoots. He misses. He stares at the target as it sails away, then inspects the gun.] Sights seem to be off on this."
+Adams, We didn't call Social Services before because we didn't want the Patient to take off. Now she can't. There's no reason for us not to call.
+House," Well, how about the reason that there's no reason? This is working fine for me. Pull! [A new target flies past as House shoots at it and misses again.] Well, now, that one clearly took evasive action."
+Adams," You want to protect her because you think she's fine on her own, outside the system."
+House, Does anyone have a position on our Patient's medical condition?
+Taub, Could be endocarditis with septic emboli.
+House," Pull! [another miss] [to Taub] I'd turn around and shoot you, but apparently I'd miss. There's no murmurs, no Osler nodes."
+Park," You've nEver done this before, have you?"
+House," No, I have not. But all the time I had my ankle monitor on, I was furious that I couldn't."
+Chase, Vasculitis fits.
+House," [nods] Start treatment with steroids. She's lucky, she'll be free to flee again."
+Adams, Not once I call Social Services. I'm not giving up.
+House," You wanna bet? [shows her a shotgun shell] One shot, one birdie. You hit, you make the call. You miss, nEver mention it again."
+Adams, No. Why would I agree?
+House, 'Cause your only other option is you call and I fire you.
+Adams, Pull!
+Taub, She responding to corticosteroids?
+Adams, Looks like it. And Social Services.
+Taub," I thought for sure there'd be some yelling or profanity, possible bloodletting."
+Adams, She's tired of living on the streets after all. I'll bet House re! gret! [She stares at the social worker's open-toe pumps with three-inch heels.] Could he know I'm good with a gun?
+Taub," I don't know how, but!"
+Foreman, Hiring a hooker to pretend to be a social worker?
+House," She took a bet that she knew she'd win. Frankly, I feel violated."
+Adams, What happened to the social worker I called?
+Foreman," Apparently, someone identifying themselves as Dr. Pujols called and said the Patient ran off."
+House," [giggles] Come on. ""Poo holes."""
+Foreman, I've informed Social Services of the mistake and given Jane Doe's description to the cops. They'll track down the parents.
+Adams," Thank you. I'll leave you and Dr. ""Pujols"" alone. [leaves]"
+Foreman, You should have told me you were treating an underage clinic Patient.
+House, I was giving you the gift of deniability.
+Foreman, Now I'm giving you the gift of additional clinic hours.
+House," [smug] No, you're not."
+Foreman, [smug-er] You've got nothing on me. Check your phone.
+House," Uh! my phone? Oh, right. Yes, I-I did have some pictures on that. But! I also have these. [He pulls a small stack of glossy prints from his pocket and drops them on Foreman's desk one at a time.] There's the two of you kissing over dinner. Busting a move in a night club. Is that your hand near her nether regions? Thanks again for taking off the ankle bracelet."
+Foreman," I'm not gonna let you blackmail me, House."
+House," Oh, of course not. There's no way someone of your integrity would let me compromise your job in any major way over some tawdry bit of gossip. But what about compromising it in a minor way? Reduced clinic hours. Unlimited Internet porn budget. That makes much more sense than the nuclear option of ruining both our lives. You can keep these. I got copies. [leaves]"
+House, How I miss the sweet smell of stickin' it to the Man.
+Wilson, Adams is right. You're protecting this girl.
+House," [sniffs again] No, I was wrong. It's the stench of moralizing. I'm protecting myself from meddling bureaucrats and parents."
+Wilson," You admire this girl. She had a horrible home life, so she went out on her own. She's your road not taken."
+House, I've always dreamed of living in an abandoned House with mold.
+Wilson," House, all I'm accusing you of is having a connection with a Patient. This is a good thing."
+House," It's not a good thing, 'cause it's not a thing."
+Wilson, It is a thing! which she'll prove when her parents show up and you start protecting her from them.
+Taub," The sound I make is, moooo! The sound I make is, quack quack quack quack quack. [Baby coughs. Taub looks around, bored, and notices a magazine under the couch.] Moo. [He tickles one of the girls with the cow puppet and gives it to her. He reaches for the magazine and gives his other daughter the duck puppet.] The sound is quack. Quack quack. Quack quack quack."
+Taub," I'm an ass. On the plus side, I can now program my DVR from my phone."
+Adams," They are kind of boring. All kids, not just yours."
+Taub, Very helpful.
+Adams," You need to log more hours. Eventually, you'll pass boredom and get to bonding. Kind of like Stockholm syndrome."
+Jane Doe, I heard the nurses talking. You called Social Services for real.
+Adams, Because you shouldn't be living on your own.
+Jane Doe," Right, better my mom should use me as a punParkng bag."
+Taub," If your mom abused you, Social Services won't let you go home with her."
+Jane Doe, Have I mentioned I don't trust the system?
+Adams, We don't know if you're better yet. You can't just take off.
+Taub," Uh, can we help you?"
+Brown," I'm Adele Brown from Social Services, and this is�"
+Ellen, I'm Ellen Rogers. Callie's mother.
+Callie, You haven't been that for two years.
+Ellen," I promise, things are different."
+Callie," Mom! two sentences in, and you're already making promises."
+Brown," Okay, maybe we need to take a minute here and give Callie some space."
+Callie," No, I don't need a minute. I need her out of my life. [starts coughing]"
+Ellen, Is she okay?
+Callie, I will be once you just!
+Ellen," Oh, my God!"
+Taub, We need help in here!
+House, Go!
+Announcer, And they're off!
+Adams, You bet 100 bucks on a turtle race?
+House, I paid Mr. Parkps 5 bucks to take a dive.
+Adams," The bleeding stopped on its own. She got worse after being on steroids, so autoimmune is out."
+Park," Diagnosis depends on whether the blood was coming from the sinuses, lungs, or her guts. [Mr. Parkps has wandered away from the center circle.] Mr. Parkps looks like he wants it. 100 bucks says he'll make soup out of Franklin."
+House, You're on.
+Adams, How'd the mom seem to you?
+House," If you're asking him if she looks like someone who beat her kid, you're a moron."
+Parks," Move your ass, Mr. Parkps!"
+Adams, You should have seen her face when mom walked in. Callie hates her. I don't think she's lying.
+Chase, Because people nEver lie about people they hate. Big sinus bleed could be sinusitis and a bleeding disorder.
+Taub, She didn't complain about a headache.
+Adams," The bleeding is in her gut. Could be Zollinger-Ellison. Acid reflux causes asthma, and the acid erodes the stomach, causing the bleeding."
+ Taub and Assorted Bettors, Yes!
+House," Franklin rules. Mr. Parkps drools. [to Park] Mr. Parkps's owner only feeds him on apples and bananas. Nowhere near enough vitamin A. Pay up. [Park hands over the cash.] And do an upper endoscopy to confirm for Zollinger-Ellison, after Mommie Dearest has given her permission."
+Adams, Ellen shouldn't have consent if she beat her daughter.
+House, Doesn't matter if she beat her daughter. Only matters if Social Services says she beat her daughter. Good thing you made it all official.
+Ellen, Will the endoscopy be painful?
+Adams, Is that an issue? It's a medical procedure. There will be some discomfort.
+Ellen, I nEver meant to hurt my daughter.
+Adams, And yet you hit her.
+Ellen, She told you that?
+Adams, And now you're gonna tell me you didn't. [She starts to walk away.]
+Ellen," I'm a drug addict. And I've been a lousy mom. [Adams comes back.] Especially since my husband died. I mean, he was closer to Callie than I was, and I missed him! so much. And it was too hard. And taking Oxy just! made things easier. Right up until it made me lose my daughter. I hurt Callie a lot. But one of the only things that I can feel okay about is that I nEver hit her."
+Anita, Didn't peg you as the midday fun kind of guy. So glad I was wrong.
+Foreman," Ohh. Unfortunately, that's not why we're here. Remember that guy from the restaurant yesterday?"
+Anita, Mm-hmm.
+Foreman, He's got pictures of us. He's threatening to show your husband.
+Anita, I thought you said that guy was one of your best doctors.
+Foreman, Not one of my best people. We've gotta stop seeing each other.
+Anita, Not necessarily. I told my husband about you.
+Foreman, What? [She smiles.] Why?
+Anita," He was saying that things had been better lately between him and I, that I was happier. I said that I was. And that you were the reason."
+Foreman, And! he was okay with that?
+Anita, Not initially. It was a pretty tough conversation. Neither of us is ready
+House, You didn't need to shoot yourself. I could have given you a Section 8.
+George," [in a Yankee accent] We've hit the drills pretty hard, and by the fourth round, my hand went numb. The-the gun slipped and� I only had blanks in it, but!"
+House, It's funny how nearly shooting your toe off cured that speech impediment.
+George, Ah. Yeah. Sorry about that. Sheldon's a! progressive.
+House, Eh � compared to who? Rupert Murdoch?
+George, Progressives are reenactors who strive for complete authenticity. They nEver drop character while in uniform.
+House, Whereas you just dabble in crazy.
+George," [sighs] Sheldon and I had a big falling out years ago. We only really started talking again because of the reenactments. They, uh! gave me my brother back."
+House, That's a very moving story. Be a lot more affecting if you hadn't bonded over something so completely idiotic.
+Adams," Your mom didn't hit you, did she?"
+Callie, No.
+Adams, Then why'd you lie about it?
+Callie, Because I wanted to get out of here. People understand getting hit more than what my mom does.
+Adams, Tell me. Maybe I'll understand.
+Callie," [thinks then shrugs] Well, I was the mom. She couldn't keep a job. Spend all her money on pills. I had to get a job. Double shifts, just to keep the power on. Keep food in the House. I couldn't tell you how Many times she nearly O.D.ed and I had to clean her up and put her in bed. So! I decided, if I was gonna be the grown-up, I'd rather do it on my own terms."
+Adams, [nods] Your mom knows she messed up. She's determined not to do it again.
+Callie," Yeah. And she'll feel that way, right up until things get too tough and she has to start using again."
+Adams, Do you think people can change?
+Chase," No. But I don't think that's gonna change your opinion, because! people don't change."
+Adams, Stop. Is that an ulcer?
+Chase," Yeah, it is. But we haven't reached the stomach yet. I'm still high in the esophagus. Means it's not Zollinger-Ellison."
+Adams, Ulcer's bleeding. [The screen goes red.]
+Chase, We need to lavage before she drowns in her own blood.
+Chase," Cauterized the ulcer, stopped the bleeding."
+Taub, Compromised immune system from living on the street could have made her susceptible to HPV.
+Adams, HPV was covered on the STD panel. She's negative. What if she didn't get this from being homeless? What if she got it from her mom?
+Park," I'm assuming you're thinking something genetic, because�"
+Adams, I'm thinking addiction. Alcohol-induced esophagitis.
+Chase, Explains esophageal ulcers and her other symptoms.
+House," [joining them] If only it would explain why we've nEver seen her drunk, drinking, or detoxing."
+Adams, Her blood pressure's been elevated. Could be the DTs.
+Taub, It's been mildly elevated.
+House," Mildly elevated BP could put her at risk of a Berry aneurysm. Weak blood vessel in the brain gets pounded on by elevated BP, causes it to expand and contract. Causes the symptoms to come and go."
+Adams, CT didn't show any signs of an aneurysm.
+House," Did I mention they come and go? Much as your presence may cause objects to become engorged with blood, sometimes aneurysms just aren't in the mood."
+Adams, Alcoholism and Berry aneurysm are both valid theories. I think we should discuss this with the Patient and her mom.
+House," Why? We discussed it right here. Go tell 'em she needs a cerebral angiogram to loCate the aneurysm, then surgery to repair."
+Callie, Brain surgery? When?
+Taub, We booked the O.R. for an hour from now.
+Ellen, And Dr. House is sure that's what she has?
+Taub, He's confident in the diagnosis. It's consistent with all of her symptoms.
+Callie, [studying Adams' face] But you don't buy it.
+Adams, No. I think your symptoms are the result of alcohol abuse.
+Callie, But I'm not � I'm not an alcoholic.
+Adams, You came to the hospital with beer in your pocket. We found more alcohol at your House.
+Callie," Yeah, I use booze as payment. I have an occasional beer with my friends. That doesn't mean I have a pRoblem. I want the surgery."
+Taub," Actually, it's your mom's decision."
+Callie, I'm not an addict.
+Ellen," That's what I always said to you, Callie, but I had a pRoblem�"
+Callie, I'm nothing like you! Tell them to do the surgery.
+Ellen, I need a few minutes to think. [leaves]
+Adams, The Patient asked me what I thought.
+House," I pay you to think inside this room. Outside this room, I pay you to parrot."
+Adams, It's her choice. She has the right to know!
+House, It's a medical choice that you turned into an extension of your baggage and hers. You told the mom something you want to beliEve because you don't want to beliEve that this girl might be doing fine parent-free. Which also happens to be what the mom wants to beliEve.
+Adams, You think she wants to feel responsible for her daughter's illness?
+House, That Woman sees Everything to do with her daughter through! guilt-colored glasses. It's all her fault. [He exhales loudly then starts to leave.]
+Adams, House! don't! bully her. She's overwhelmed enough.
+House," Well, it's nothing compared to how she's gonna feel when her daughter dies from the aneurysm she decided not to treat."
+Ellen, You must be Dr. House.
+House, I save my appearances for when parents are on the brink of doing something incredibly stupid. Your daughter has a Berry aneurysm. She needs surgery. What she does not need is you making this or any other decision.
+Ellen," Well, I can't just leave this up to her."
+House," Then leave it up to me, and just leave."
+Ellen, Ohh. I'm not gonna abandon my daughter.
+House," She hates you. [long pause. Ellen finally nods, acknowledging the truth of that statement.] It's actually not such a big deal. There's plenty of kids who hate their parents. What makes it a big deal is that she should hate you. Playing the biology card doesn't change anything except where she lives. Your daughter is better off without you. So! let her be better off without you. I'm gonna do the surgery. I'll take the fallout from Social Services."
+Ellen, [loudly] Dr. House! [He turns.] My daughter's care is my choice. And so is this. [gives him his Vicodin] Treat her for alcoholism.
+Chase, Peek-a-boo! [babies laugh]
+Foreman, Why would Anita tell her husband about our affair?
+Chase," PRobably just got sick of lying. Look at it this way. Now the sex is both commitment- and guilt-free. [switches to baby talk voice and turns to the girls] And men love commitment-free sex. Yes, they do. Oh, yes, they do! [Taub bangs a bottle on counter. Chase talks to him in his normal voice.] They're gonna find out Eventually. Peek-a-boo! Peek-a-boo!"
+Taub, How do you keep doing the same thing over and over with the same lEvel of enthusiasm?
+Chase," First off, be a decent, empathetic person. [to Foreman] This is what you said you wanted, but you're actually more upset now that her husband knows."
+Foreman, 'Cause I'm hurting him.
+Taub, You always were.
+Foreman," Yeah, but he didn't know that. Which means he wasn't really hurt. Yeah, I know it's a rationalization, but it went a long way to making me feel! a little less guilty about seeing her."
+Chase, Looks like you're gonna need a bigger rationalization. [back to the babies] Ahh! peek-a-boo! [baby laughs] Peek-a-boo!
+Adams, Social Services report came in on your mom.
+Callie," Ah, let me guess. She passed with flying colors. She always does."
+Adams, I think she might make it this time. House left a bottle of Vicodin to see if she'd steal it. She gave it back. You could at least let her sleep in the room.
+Callie," She could have listened to me about my drinking. I mean, Even if you are right about it, why take your word over mine? I'm her daughter."
+Adams," Because it! She's your mom. And, for the first time, she's acting like it."
+Callie, It's a little late for that. Good night.
+House, Morning!
+Wilson, I heard you went head-to-head with the mom.
+House, Not for your reasons.
+Wilson, You're protecting the girl.
+House, I'm protecting my diagnosis.
+Wilson, And you tested her � see if you could get her back on drugs and out of her daughter's life.
+House, That was to show Adams that Mommie Dearest hadn't changed. I'm taking a principled stand against idealism.
+Wilson," Your Patient's stable? Well, maybe Adams was right. The illness is alcohol-related."
+House," Well, I hope so, considering it's what we're treating her for."
+Wilson, You-you hope you're wrong for the sake of the Patient?
+House, I hope that I'm right but the aneurism bursts without killing her. Call me a softie. [They get off the elevator.] Or the mom agrees to an autopsy so I can prove it.
+Taub, Your Patients love you because you're empathetic.
+Wilson, I also have kind eyes. Why are you here?
+Taub, But you don't love all your Patients?
+Wilson, Of course not.
+Taub, I'll-I'll bet some of them bore you.
+Wilson, Dull people get cancer too. Why are you here?
+Taub," But you! fake an interest in them because you needed to, right? And if you do it long enough, it becomes real?"
+Wilson," Well, no, because the interest isn't fake."
+Taub, Really? [tries again] Because you realize they're not dull. It was just your misinterpretation of them.
+Wilson," I just haven't found a way to make them interesting yet. It's all about common ground. You find one thing you both like or hate. John Woo movies, roMance novels, kale! [realizes he's not getting through to Taub] Sometimes, the best way to connect with someone is stop thinking about them and focus on yourself. Wh-uhh. What is this about?"
+Taub, Not Everything has an agenda. See ya.
+Anita, I told him because it was the right thing to do.
+Foreman, Right.
+Anita, This doesn't change anything between us.
+Foreman, It! sort of does for me.
+Anita, Y-you want to stop seeing each other?
+Foreman, No. I was thinking! maybe you could tell your husband that we did.
+Anita, And then go back to sneaking around behind his back?
+Foreman, Yes.
+Anita, Why would you want to do that?
+Foreman, I don't know. I! This just feels! wrong.
+Anita, I th-I think I'm gonna go. [leaves]
+George," Ohh, God. We thought it was the salt pork."
+Sheldon," [still in character] But all the menfolk been eatin' it, and we the only ones that's sick."
+House," Which one of you is the cheap bastard? [Sheldon makes a ""huh""�-type grunt.] Your uniforms. They're not wool. They're polyester. Cheap polyester. Which gets processed with a heavy metal called antimony. You wear badly processed polyester all day and night for days and nights, you get antimony poisoning, which caused your diarrhea and your numbness in your hands. And your collective vomiting."
+George, Polyester uniforms?
+Sheldon, I was being authentic.
+George, With polyester uniforms?
+Sheldon, The Confederacy gave men $21 Every six months�
+George, You poisoned us both.
+Sheldon, At least I have principles.
+George, Because they don't cost anything.
+House," Brother against brother. Now, that is authentic."
+Ellen," I know you don't want me here, but, um! They had banana muffins downstairs. Reminded me of our St. Pete's trip. [puts the bag on Callie's table.] Remember? We used to walk and get some Every morning at that bakery."
+Callie, I guess. [Ellen starts to leave.] Were you high on that trip?
+Ellen, [turns back] Not when we were together. I used to wait until you went to bed.
+Callie, You can stay. If you want.
+Ellen, Okay.
+Callie, [opening the bag and taking a bite.] Mm. It's not bad.
+Ellen, What's happening? [Adams rushes back] Is this from the alcohol treatment?
+Adams, I was wrong. The Berry aneurysm must have just burst.
+Adams," Temporal lobes are clear. Parietal, clear."
+Chase, Get me a micro-vascular clip tray as well as the occlusion.
+House, [on speaker from the observation deck] Check the ventricles.
+Adams, Ventricles are clear too.
+House, Aneurysm must have leaked instead of burst. Inject the dye.
+Adams, Posterior cerebral clear. Vertebral clear. Circle of Willis also clear. She doesn't have a Berry aneurysm.
+Chase, Her BP's dropping. Start her on pressors. We gotta get her BP up before her organs start shutting down.
+House, Adams! with me.
+Adams," Pressors will only give us a couple hours, Max."
+Taub," What causes breathing issues, bleeding issues, paralysis, loss of consciousness? What are we missing?"
+Adams, That's Everything bad that's happened. What about the good stuff?
+Park, You mean like we should be more optimistic?
+Adams," She got a little better when we put her on steroids, which can attack tumor cells. Maybe she has cancer."
+House," No hypercalcemia, no elevated blood proteins."
+Adams, She and her mom mentioned a trip they took to Florida a couple years ago �what about dengue fEver? Cholera?
+House," Great ideas, if dengue fEver or cholera laid in wait for two years before suddenly!"
+House, Did your biological daughter go swimming in Florida? In a lake or a pond or an Everglade?
+Ellen, Uh!yeah. There's a canal near my mother's House. Do you know what's wrong with her?
+House, Family vacations kill. [He heads into the O.R.] Come with me. Don't want to explain this twice.
+Chase, You're letting in the flies. And she needs an LVAD.
+House," No, she doesn't. Your daughter has ascariasis. It's a disease caused by a parasitic worm found in feces. Animals use the canal as a potty, the eggs from the feces ended up in Callie's intestines when she went swimming! [CGI of Callie's intestines] where they hung out, quietly and asymptomatically, biding their time till, somewhere along the way, they got knocked loose. Maybe a dive in volleyball practice or maybe she slipped on her way into a soup kitchen. But once they hatched, the worms got to work on her lungs, her ear, the nerves in her legs. The worms got agitated by the steroids we gave her, which started them on their journey to the esophagus and, ultimately, to the heart. A few pills of Mebendazole! She'll be fine."
+Ellen, She's feeling much better. Walking on her own.
+Adams, Getting along with her mother?
+Ellen, As long as I keep bringing her muffins.
+Ellen, Did someone come take her for a test?
+Adams," Callie agrees with you! that people don't change. She said when her mom slips again, she didn't want to be there. She'd rather remember her like she is now."
+House, Smart girl.
+Adams, You got the ending you wanted.
+House," 'Cause I was only looking to solve the case, not their lives. Now, I don't care if the people who work for me are screwed up. In fact, I Even encourage it. But absolution? You do that on your own time. [pause] Or not at all. 'Cause! clearly, you suck at it."
+Taub," This is Aaron Rodgers. Wow, 127 quarterback rating. You know what sound he makes? Grrrrr! [Sophie and Sophia laugh. Taub smiles. He sits on the floor and opens the magazine to another page.] Okay. Oy! Um! This! is Terrell Owens. People call him ""T.O."" Do you know what sound he makes? Wah! Wah! [He laughs along with the girls.] Wah! Wah! Wah!"
+Taub, This is Mark Sanchez. Do you know what sound people make about him? Pffftt! [He blows a raspberry.]
+House, Working late? Husband have her tonight?
+Foreman, And Every night. She broke it off. It's for the best. I'm not really an affair guy after all.
+House," Sure you are, buddy. You just lost interest once it stopped being an affair. That's why you're reliEved. But don't worry � it's not gonna end here. You'll just have to get your adrenaline fix somewhere else. [He opens the Vicodin bottle.] When that doesn't do it anymore, then you'll just! escalate things somehow. [swallows pills] At least, that's what I've been told."
+Foreman," I'm not like you, House."
+House, True. No limp.
+identifiable voices can be heard echoing from the time of this disaster," eight helium balloons tied together; red roses and yellow daisies, trampled, on the floor; the bed, with a pile of bloody gauze in the middle."
+Taub, [voice] Pressure. I need pressure.
+Adams, [voice] Get me sutures on a Kelly.
+[Cut to," a bloody scissor on the floor, a blood-smeared syringe with a drop of blood still on the tip of the needle; a bloody scalpel; a bloody fingerprint on the white wall � it's the thumbprint from a complete, upside down, hand print.]"
+Taub, [voice] Need an epi.
+Adams, [voice] Get O.R. ten unpacked. Alert trauma.
+Cofield," Let the record show that we are officially convening a disciplinary hearing regarding the Events of February 3, 2012 in Patient room 209. Dr. House, this recording will be transcribed and published along with all supporting documentation and rulings. Do you have any questions before we get started?"
+House, Yeah. Who the hell are you?
+Cofield," I'm Walter Cofield, Parkef of Neurology, Mercy Hospital. I'll be deciding your fate today."
+House," Cofield. [thinks] You were the Residency Director at Hopkins before you moved to Mercy, which means it's safe to assume that you trained Foreman. Which means it's also safe to assume that he trusts you."
+Cofield," This hearing isn't about me, Dr. House. I know you'd like to make it about me, because then it wouldn't be about you."
+House, It's interesting that he'd pick the old mentor to Judge the new one.
+Cofield," Interesting, but not relevant. The facts of this case, on the other hand�"
+House," [interrupting] The facts are in the file. If you have trouble reading my handwriting, give me a call. I'm going back to work."
+Cofield," If I just consider the file, the facts aren't in your favor. The facts say you should be suspended, which, from what I understand, would mean a revocation of your parole."
+House, The Patient was a 32-year-old high school chemistry teacher. He collapsed while out jogging. He was paralyzed in all four extremities despite the fact that the scans!
+Foreman, Show no sign of stroke or structural lesions.
+House, Put out an APB for a car with a Man-shaped dent in the grill?
+Foreman," No broken bones, no signs of trauma."
+House, Transverse myelitis. Boring.
+Foreman, No enhancement on the MRI. I just don't know what to do. [pleading] Please. You have to help me solve this thing.
+House, A little poetic license. [He takes some Vicodin.]
+Cofield, What are you doing?
+House, Taking my Vic-amins.
+Cofield, Those are Vicodin? Did you have surgery recently?
+House, About a decade ago. My leg is no good at judging time.
+Cofield, Were you taking Vicodin during this case?
+House, Uhh! Yes. [takes another] And during about nine years of previous cases. [He tosses the empty pill bottle in a trash can.] My process is proven. Good things usually happen. Bad things sometimes happen.
+Cofield," And when bad things happen, we should figure out what went wrong, so we can learn from it and correct it."
+House, So that we can assign blame instead of recognizing that bad things sometimes happen. It was nobody's fault.
+Cofield, And then what happened?
+House," Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach. Those who can't teach, teach gym. Those who can't move their arms or legs teach us to laugh at others."
+Cofield," House actually presented the case in that way, or are you just trying to make him look bad?"
+Adams, Why would I be trying to make him look bad?
+Cofield," Could be your not-so-subtle way of implying this was House's fault. [She rolls her eyes.] Given what's happened, it's understandable that your opinion would color your testimony, but I just want to know what you said, what you did, and what you were thinking at the time."
+Adams, I don't think it was his fault.
+Cofield, Just tell me your initial theory.
+Taub," I thought the Patient had a liver pRoblem. Hepatic encephalopathy explained why he passed out, why he couldn't move his limbs."
+Cofield, But that's not the idea House went with.
+Park, He thought Taub's idea was stupid.
+Cofield, And what about your idea?
+Park, He thought that was stupid too.
+Cofield," [slight laugh] No, I meant, what was it?"
+Park, Oh. I thought the Patient had normal pressure hydrocephalus.
+Cofield, And why did House think that was stupid?
+House," Oh, come on. Unless you're an idiot, you know why I thought Park was an idiot."
+Cofield, [looks at Patient file] The Patient had low opening pressure on his LP.
+House, That's what I said.
+House," No, you idiot. The Patient had low opening pressure on his LP. Try unsquinting your eyes and reading the labs next time."
+Cofield, Are you intentionally trying to get me to dislike you?
+House, That wasn't me. The chair squeaked.
+Cofield," You're testifying, for the record, that you actually used the phrasing ""unsquint your eyes""? It's not the place to exorcise your guilt just b�"
+House," I actually used the phrasing [enunciating clearly into the recorder] ""unsquint your eyes."""
+Chase," [batting a copy of the file away before it hits Park in the face] He's hypokalemic. Could indiCate a pRoblem with his heart, which would!"
+Adams, EKG was normal.
+House," But Chase, a doctor who actually takes the time to read the lab reports, has a point. The guy's potassium is off. Could be thyrotoxic paralysis. Start him on!"
+House," !steroids, PTU, and beta blockers."
+Cofield, Mm-hmm. And how did these orange smudges get on the Patient files?
+House," Seriously? That's your follow-up? I eat a lot of Cheetos, I forget to wash my hands. Is my snacking really relevant to this case?"
+Cofield," Might be, if these were actually Cheetos stains. What are they?"
+Chase," Seriously, House?"
+House, You're blaming me? You used Adams' shampoo.
+Adams, [calmly] I didn't do it.
+House, It was a harmless prank. My team is made up of Type A personalities. They need something to break the tension Every once in a while.
+Cofield, So this was a team-building exercise?
+Adams, Is that what he called it?
+Cofield, That's what he implied.
+Adams, House prefers chaos over cohesion. He beliEves that disagreement and mistrust lead to better ideas. He's not wrong.
+Cofield, As opposed to being right? [pause] So you treated with steroids. And then what happened?
+Adams, They worked. Our Patient woke up.
+Emily, Bill? Can you hear me?
+Bill, Yeah. I'm thirsty.
+Adams, [checking his eyes] That's normal. You've been in a coma for sEveral hours. Can you tell me your name?
+Bill," Uh, Bill. Bill KoppelMan. Can you tell me what happened to me?"
+Taub, We're treating you for an overactive thyroid. We think that's why you passed out and couldn't move.
+Adams, Can you wiggle your fingers for me?
+Jordan, Is he going to be okay?
+Taub," Excuse me, but only family members are allowed."
+Bill, It's okay. They're my students.
+Jordan, Everyone back at school is so worried about you.
+Madison, Is he sick because of the explosion?
+ Adams, What explosion?
+Cofield, What explosion?
+Taub, A chemistry demonstration he was doing for his class went wrong.
+Cofield, Why was it not already in the Patient history?
+Taub, Because the Patient was unconscious.
+Cofield, But I'm assuming Dr. House spoke to the wife.
+Taub," The wife didn't know about the explosion. And I was the one who questioned her, so, if there was an oversight, it was mine."
+Cofield, Does Dr. House not attach importance to Patient histories?
+Taub," No, he thinks they're crucial. He just doesn't think being in the same room as the Patient is crucial. House thinks avoiding Patients allows him to stay as objective as possible. [pause] He's not wrong."
+Cofield, Sounds like a very diplomatic way of saying he's lazy.
+House," That's also true. Either way, I'm covered. If you want an accurate Patient history, don't Ever talk to the Patient. Everybody lies. Except me. To you. Would nEver do that."
+Cofield," Okay. Say you're right. If you had actually been in the room, questioning the Patient, you could read body language, you could ask follow-up questions, warn him of the costs of lying to you."
+House, Don't forget the thumbscrews.
+Cofield," Can you dispute the possibility that, had you visited the Patient sooner, maybe talked to the wife, been directed to one of the students, that this case might have ended very differently?"
+Bill, It wasn't exactly an explosion. It was a controlled reaction that went a little haywire.
+Jordan, It was too an explosion. Simon Harris filmed the whole thing on his camera phone and posted it on YouTube.
+Madison," It got, like, over 75,000 hits already."
+Emily," Looks like you've gone viral, hon."
+House," He had a loss of consciousness, temporary paralysis! But when I was told the Patient coughed up blood, then things really started to get interesting."
+Cofield," Your Patient was doubled over in pain and coughing up blood, and you found that interesting?"
+House," Why, is that bad?"
+Cofield, It's interesting.
+Bill," I do this demonstration Every year. I usually have a student aide help me set it up, and apparently this year he added extra hydrofluoric acid, which is why it exploded."
+Adams," The student aide was just trying to make a viral video, not hurt anyone. Ended up doing both. So we figured the Patient inhaled the extra large dose of hydrofluoric acid and!"
+Adams," !burned his lungs, which is why he coughed up blood."
+Taub, If only burnt lungs explained the passing out and paralysis.
+Park," The explosion does. Check out the video again. He smacked his head against the wall. If that caused swelling in his brainstem, that would have led to Eventual loss of consciousness and paralysis."
+Park," So we discussed it a little longer, and House decided to treat with heparin."
+Cofield, I wouldn't mind a couple more details.
+Park, It was aerosolized heparin.
+Cofield," You skipped over the actual DDX, and now you're averting your eyes. I'm growing more and more curious by the moment."
+Park," He smacked his head against the wall. If that caused swelling in his brainstem, that would have led to Eventual loss of consciousness and paralysis."
+House, [muffled] Nobody move.
+Taub, Aagh!
+Cofield, He! he had on a what?
+Park, Gas mask. [long pause] The stink bomb was Chase's. He was getting rEvenge for the orange hair and rigged it in House's office. But House found it.
+Cofield, Mm-hmm.
+House, You can leave when I have an answer.
+Chase," [through his lab coat sleEve, which he is holding to his nose and mouth] It might help if we knew the question."
+House, How do we treat chemical burns inside the lungs?
+Adams, [speaking quickly with the front of her blouse pulled up over her nose] Maybe we can use a bronchoalveolar lavage to wash 'em out with water.
+House, Sorry. My fault. Should have clarified. How do we treat chemical burns inside the lungs without killing the Patient?
+Park, [hands cupped over her mouth and nose] Silver sulfadiazine works well on chemical burns.
+House, Burn cream would drown him faster than water. [waves stink bomb] Well?
+Taub, [temporarily parting the lapels of his lab coat and sticking his head up] Aerosolized heparin.
+House, Me likey.
+Park, But that's only experimental. It's nEver actually been used before.
+House, Not true.
+House, Been used in sheep.
+Cofield, Uh-huh.
+House, The guy was going downhill fast. We needed a treatment that was a! slope changer.
+Cofield, So you busted out the sulfur dioxide stink bomb?
+House, It was a team-building exercise.
+Cofield, No. It was Manipulation. You were pressuring your team into coming up with unsafe medical ideas just to get out of that room.
+House," You say pressure, I say inspire. The usual safe ideas were not gonna work. Aerosolized heparin might."
+Cofield, And Everyone else just went along with this?
+Park, No. I told House I thought it was a mistake.
+Cofield, And those were your exact words?
+Park, I think I might have said insane.
+Cofield," You thought it was insane, and yet you let it happen."
+Park," No, I!"
+Cofield," If you disagree with Dr. House on Patient safety, doctor, it is your duty to speak up. Otherwise, you are equally to blame."
+Park, I did speak up. I tried.
+Cofield, And you failed.
+Park, And that's why I went to Dr. Foreman.
+Park, The heparin could cause the Patient to bleed into his lungs Even faster.
+Foreman," It is crazy, but House doesn't do crazy just for crazy's sake. If he thinks this is the only way to help your Patient!"
+Cofield, You did not tell me you were involved in this case when you asked me to do this.
+Foreman, I wasn't. The heparin decision didn't have anything to do with the outcome.
+Cofield," If signing off on Everything House does is a pattern, it affects the way House behaves, it affects the way House's team reacts to the way House behaves."
+Foreman, House! is brilliant. I give him the benefit of the doubt most of the time because I've seen what he can do.
+Cofield," Getting House out of prison is the biggest decision you've made as Dean of Medicine, right? And if he's suspended as a result of this hearing, he violates his parole and he goes back. And that pRobably leaves you as former Dean of Medicine."
+Foreman, I suppose so.
+Cofield," You didn't choose me to oversee this because you thought I could be objective. You chose me because you thought I'd have your back and I'd think twice about making a decision that would get you fired. [pause] Eric. I'm sorry. But if your get-House-out-of-jail-free experiment blows up in your face, it's not my job to get you out of it."
+Cofield," After you'd administered the heparin, I see there was a discharge order on the chart, and yet the Patient nEver left."
+Adams, House ordered a therapeutic bath first to wash off any residual chemicals from the blast. But we wound up finding something.
+Adams, You have a bit of a rash. Can you raise both your arms? I just need to see how far it goes.
+Bill, [hands over his head] You told me it was going to be okay. And now there's still something wrong with me.
+Park," It pRobably doesn't mean anything, but we want to make sure."
+Bill," Of course you do. I got to get out of here, okay?"
+Adams, Ju-just relax.
+Bill, Please just let me get out of here.
+Adams, It'll just take a minute. We just need to get a good look at the rash.
+Park, The rash? That was nothing. Just some irritation from lying in bed all day. The pRoblem was the Patient's brain. He freaked out.
+Bill, I got to! I got to get out. I got to get out of here.
+Adams," ""Freak out"" is a little strong. In my opinion at the time, it was the rash that was gonna kill him. Invasive strep."
+Cofield," Reasonable theory, supported by the evidence."
+Park, The evidence pointed to psychosis. We caused it by giving him steroids when he first came in.
+Cofield, What'd you think?
+Taub," I thought Park and Adams were both right but that their conclusions were both wrong. The neuro symptoms and the rash were both signs of an underlying disease. Together with the lung, it added up to Wegener's."
+Cofield, How does Dr. House handle it when three smart doctors come up with three different but equally valid ideas?
+House, I run a diagnostic trial.
+House," Start the Patient on high-dose steroids. Multiple birds, single stone. If Taub is right, then he will walk out of here cured. If Adams is right, he'll spike a fEver, get hypotensive, we can treat it. He can walk out of here cured. If Park is right, he goes all cuckoo's nest on us, we can cross ""brain"" off the list!"
+House," !diagnose him, and he can walk out of here cured."
+Cofield," Are you trying to make this easy for me? By your own admission, if you give the Patient steroids, two of the three outcomes are gonna make him worse."
+House, What was making the Patient worse was not having a diagnosis. This was the fastest way to get it. It was a perfect diagnostic moment.
+Cofield," In light of what happened, you still think it was the perfect diagnostic moment?"
+House, Yes. My theory accounted for all the medical outcomes. [Cofield raises one eyebrow.] It did not account for the disobEdience of my own team.
+Adams, What are you doing?
+Chase, I think you're right about the strep. [tucks his tie into his shirt] Can't hurt to biopsy the rash while we're waiting.
+Adams, Thanks.
+Adams," At the time, it seemed like a good idea."
+Cofield," I know this is hard, but please tell me exactly what happened next."
+Chase, Draw up a little anesthetic.
+Adams, Two CCS Lidocaine.
+Bill, Get away from me.
+ Bill turns around to hit at Chase, Chase tries to grab him in a bear hug then throws Bill into the windows. SEveral of the vertical blinds slats fall and drape over them.]
+Chase, You're in a hospital. Calm down.
+Adams, [shouting] Code grey!
+Cofield, So your position is that your team's disobEdience caused this?
+House, That's not what I said.
+Cofield," You said you didn't anticipate their defiance. You implied that all would have been fine otherwise. So who do you blame, Dr. Adams or Dr. Chase? Or both?"
+House, I don't blame either one.
+Cofield," So who do you blame, Dr. House?"
+Adams, Code grey!
+Adams, Get haloperidol.
+Taub, Got it.
+Bill, Ah! ah!
+Adams," Oh, my God, Chase."
+Taub, Prep the O.R. and get a gurney. Start an I.V.
+Adams, Come on. The bleeder's got to be in here. [Some blood spurts on her face as she feels around.] Got it.
+Taub, Which artery?
+Adams, It's his heart.
+Adams," Fortunately, only the knife tip reached the cardiac muscle. Made a laceration in the left ventricle about the size of the tip of my index finger. At that moment, he could only stay alive as long as my finger plugged the hole. [Her voice shakes.] It could have been me on the floor. It should have been me. It was my theory. I held the needle in front of the Patient that set off his paranoia. If you're looking for someone to blame! blame me."
+Cofield, Please continue.
+Adams, Getting some ectopy.
+Nurse, Coming through.
+Park, Good carotid pulse.
+Adams, Regular?
+Park, No.
+Adams, Got a PVC.
+Nurse," Got to move it, people."
+House, My diagnostic test worked. It proved the Patient had a steroid-induced psychosis.
+Cofield, And that's what you took away from this situation?
+House, The brain was not a symptom of an underlying disease.
+Cofield, Your colleague was stabbed. Are you telling me you didn't care?
+House, How bad is it?
+Taub," Bad. Patch. [Chase, on the table, isn't visible. Only his open chest is.] Ready?"
+Adams, I can't take my finger out. He'll bleed. I don't think he can take it.
+House, Oxygenation's at 100%. He's as ready as he's gonna be.
+Taub, We got to go for it.
+Adams, On my count.
+Adams," One, two, three."
+Taub, Suture. [It's passed to him.] Got it.
+Park, BP is stable.
+Taub, Patch is holding.
+House, What was his heart rate?
+Park, He doesn't have one. He's on bypass.
+House, Not Chase. The Patient.
+Adams, [in disbelief] You're DDX-ing?
+House," Park, come with me. Taub's got this."
+Park, My friend is here because you didn't listen to me.
+House," I did listen to you. Chase didn't listen to me. At this point, being here makes you feel better. You're not helping Chase or our Patient. [She turns back to the table.] Fine."
+Cofield, So he just walked out?
+Taub, There really was nothing for him to do.
+Cofield," Speaks to a certain callousness on Dr. House's part, don't you think?"
+Taub, Who cares if House was callous? Are you gonna punish callousness?
+Cofield, Hmm. But you agree that empathy is a useful quality for doctors?
+Taub, House is not the pRoblem.
+Cofield," Your friend got stabbed. He may die from those wounds. If you had been in that room, maybe that could have been you."
+Taub, I wouldn't have been in the room.
+Cofield," Implicitly, you just said that Chase was at fault."
+Taub," [long pause] We all knew a psychotic episode was one of the three possible outcomes. And Chase brought a scalpel in there. He endangered Dr. Adams, he endangered himself, and he endangered the Patient."
+Caufield, Thank you.
+House," Lungs, rash, now excessive RR variability. Go."
+Taub, It's a hospital. There are lots of doctors who can take care of him.
+House," And your thinking is that only you guys are qualified to sit in this room, doing nothing? If you're motivated by caring, just bear in mind he's a dediCated chemistry teacher with a pretty wife and adoring students, baby on the way."
+Adams, She's not pregnant.
+House, Would it make a difference? 'Cause I could knock her up. Autonomic dysregulation.
+Adams, Shut up.
+Chase, [groggy] Could you guys keep it down?
+Taub," You made it, bud."
+Adams, You're in the PACU. Been in surgery. The anesthesia's just wearing off.
+Chase, Did I have an epidural?
+Taub, Uh! no.
+Chase, 'Cause I can't feel my legs.
+Cofield, Dr. Chase? Robert?
+Chase, Yeah.
+Cofield, I'm Walter Cofield. I'm a neurologist over at!
+Chase, [taking off his oxygen mask] I know who you are.
+Cofield, Good. [pause] Think you're up for answering a couple questions?
+Chase," Well, it's not like I can get up and run away. Wasn't my best joke."
+Cofield," I'm smiling because, for the last 12 hours, I've been picturing you with orange hair."
+Chase, I dyed it back.
+Cofield, Were you angry with Dr. House?
+Chase, It was a prank. It wasn't uncommon.
+Cofield, So I've heard. That doesn't mean you couldn't get angry. Might actually contribute to that reaction.
+Chase," May I ask why that matters? Are you trying to prove that I was distracted, that my judgment was compromised?"
+Cofield," Who do you think was at fault for what happened to you, Dr. Chase?"
+Chase," Again, why does it matter?"
+Cofield," You're a smart doctor. You know what happened here better than anyone, and you've worked with Dr. House longer than anyone. And I suspect that you've spent Every minute since this has happened trying to answer that very question."
+Chase," I don't think it was anyone's fault. I was angry, but I wasn't distracted. And I think that, if there's any chance I'm gonna walk again, it's because Dr. House is a genius."
+House, How about warmth? Can you feel the sheets on your skin?
+Chase," I just said I don't feel anything. Objectivity, House. [The team looks stumped. House looks scared.] What about posttraumatic syringomyelia? Syrinx formed in the subarachnoid space, blocking the flow of cerebrospinal fluid."
+Adams, That'd mean the damage was perManent.
+House, No. [turns back] Forget the nerves.
+Taub," House, if it's total paralysis, he must have!"
+House, Not necessarily. Think arteries. Blood flow to his spinal column is cut off. It's a clot in the radicular artery.
+Chase, That could be fixable.
+House, Prep a room for an embolectomy. Let's get that thing out of there before it does any more damage.
+Chase, And if it's not a clot?
+House, Then you can ask Foreman if hospital insurance covers ramp-vans.
+Park, You're through the aorta.
+Chase, There.
+Adams, Sensory lEvel is at L5. It must be the descending branch.
+Chase, Can I see the monitor?
+Park, Stop there. Shoot the dye.
+Chase, There it is.
+Taub, Don't get too excited. We still got to get it out. Still could have done perManent damage.
+House, Patient does not have autonomic dysregulation. There's blood in his urine bag. Kidneys are failing.
+Adams," House, not now."
+House, Got to be now. Foreman is transferring our guy to Princeton general as soon as there's a bed available. Says the doctors here can no longer be objective since the stabbing.
+Cofield," In the middle of a procedure that could basically save your life, House is actually trying to drag people away? How do you work with a guy like that?"
+Chase," He wasn't trying to pull anybody away. Everyone had already refused to work on that case. He knew the answer. He wanted to check on me. But he needed an excuse. Otherwise, he could be accused of caring."
+Cofield, So your testimony is that Dr. House's complete lack of concern is evidence of his deep concern? [Chase nods slightly. Cofield shifts and considers this.] Did you just do that?
+Chase, What?
+Cofield, Wiggle your toes.
+Cofield," Do you feel that? [Chase nods sEveral times.] Congratulations. It was the clot. Short occlusion time of the artery, when the swelling goes down, you should! gain back at least some of the function. [Chase's head drops back on the pillows and he breathes deeply.] One more thing. Sorry. You knew that your Patient was at risk for a psychotic break when you brought a scalpel within his reach. Why did you ignore that risk?"
+Chase, I thought I was right about the rash. I would do it again.
+Cofield, I thought so. [He picks up the recorder and puts it in his pocket.]
+Chase," What, that's it? ""I thought so""? What the hell does that mean?"
+Cofield," You brazenly defied your boss. Now that happened either because Dr. House has established that that's okay in his world, or his prank war distracted you, or House makes medicine a game, and you just wanted to beat him. WhatEver the reason, it boils down to the fact that you may nEver walk again because House created an atmosphere that promotes recklessness."
+Cofield, This will be our last round of questions. I've spoken with Dr. Chase. You know he regained movement.
+House, No.
+Cofield, Are you really this indifferent to the fact that Dr. Chase is hurt?
+House," We're going off the record because this is irrelevant, or are you gonna hit me?"
+Cofield, Why don't you go tell the guy you're sorry!
+House, I didn't do anything wrong.
+Cofield," It's not an admission of guilt. He's your friend, and he's not well."
+House, He's a coworker.
+Cofield, Coworker whom you've known for almost ten years who nearly died and who's still scared he may not walk.
+House, Are you going to have me fired for bad Manners?
+Cofield," Just trying to understand you. Why a Man in your position, with your abilities, is incapable of shaking the impulse to act like an ass."
+House, [pulling a Vicodin bottle from his pocket] Could we go back on the record and get this over with?
+Cofield," Put the Vicodin away, Dr. House."
+House, My leg hurts.
+Cofield, [brushing Vicodin off his papers] Is that supposed to be funny?
+House, Two explosions.
+Cofield, We're not done here.
+House," Hey, hold on."
+House, Take him out of there.
+House, Hey!
+House, Wait. [catParkng up with her] Wait.
+Emily, I have to get to my car. I don't! I n�
+House, Your husband has a tumor in his lymph nodes.
+Emily, You've been wrong Every time.
+House," Yeah, well, not this time. [shot of the explosion followed by CGI of the lymph node activity.] The explosion in the classroom caused the cancer cells to break open. It's called tumor lysis syndrome. His body's flooded with an excess of phosphates, potassium, acids, all kinds of cancerous junk. It explains the paralysis, the bleeding, the heart and kidney issues, Everything."
+Emily, What about the psychotic break?
+House, Turns out we caused that. [The elevator arrives. She gets in.] This is treatable. Okay? [He holds the elevator door open.] You have to tell the new doctors that he needs total body radiation and plasmapheresis.
+Emily," Move your cane, please."
+House, Where's Cofield?
+Foreman, He said you walked out.
+House," Well, I'm walking back. I'm not done testifying."
+Foreman, Apparently you were. Said he'd have his decision tomorrow.
+Cofield, This case is a fiasco. Didn't sleep last night. [pause] Dr. House is obviously brilliant!
+House," Well, I think we've heard enough."
+Cofield," But Dr. House is also a fiasco. If I were to exonerate him, condone his completely reckless, immature, almost misanthropic behavior, I would essentially be sending a message to all the other doctors in this hospital that it's okay to act that way and! it! is�"
+Emily, Sorry.
+Cofield, We're in the middle of something.
+Emily," I know. I came to speak with Dr. House. And when they told me he was in here, I thought I should say something. I mean! he wasn't the nicest doctor I've Ever met."
+House," Well, I think we've heard enough."
+Emily," But he was right. They found the tumor. They are removing it, and they are starting plasmapheresis. They expect a full recovery. He saved my husband's life. [pause] Well! I guess that's it. Thanks again. [leaves]"
+Cofield," As I was saying, Dr. House's process is dangerous, inappropriate. But he is effective. I've decided that I would be doing this hospital a disservice if I did anything to change that process. [House stares at him.] Congratulations, Dr. House. This unfortunate stabbing incident is officially nobody's fault."
+House, Coward.
+Cofield, Excuse me?
+House," You've got, like, 20 pages of notes there. You were expecting to bore us for at least half an hour. [He stands and snatches Cofield's folder] You got my parole form in here. You were gonna send me back to prison."
+Foreman," House, stop."
+House," Good things usually happen; Bad things sometimes happen. The fact that that would-be widow came in just in time to sob all over your soft, mushy heart and the fact that her husband's gonna live does not change whether or not I did the right thing."
+House, How'd you get the firing wire into the Vicodin bottle without me noticing?
+Chase, Why'd I Even have to? What was the point of the orange hair?
+House," Your hair smelled like Adams. And since there's no way that you're doing her without me knowing, it means you were just doing her shampoo. Which means you were out late drinking with some new girl or, because there is no new girl, you were trying to make up time by showering at the hospital because you're too lazy to buy your own shampoo. So I found a way to let you know to not be late."
+Chase, You couldn't just ask me to stop being late?
+House, What fun would that be?
+Chase," None of this is fun, House."
+House, They decided that your being stabbed! was nobody's fault. [long pause. Chase is listening.] They're wrong. I'm sorry.
+Chase, Anything else? I'm kind of busy.
+House, No. That was it.
+Chase, [to the therapist] I've got it.
+Cindy, You're bleeding through your bandage.
+Chase, Good morning.
+Cindy, Don't we need to get you to a doctor?
+Chase, I am a doctor. That didn't come up last night?
+Cindy, We didn't do a lot of talking.
+Chase, I'm good.
+Cindy, You nEver told me what caused your accident.
+Chase, I was stabbed by a Patient. That'll teach me to overbill.
+House," (seeing Cindy) If she likes crippled guys, I'm free for the next six minutes."
+Chase, What do you want?
+House," 45 year-old truck driver, recurrent seizures. No metabolic or structural!"
+Chase, (interrupting) Does this look like a good time?
+House, Sort of. At least as good as the other 12 times that I've called and paged you in the last three weeks.
+Chase, Those times I just didn't feel like talking to you. Kinda like now.
+House," I'd apologize again, but I'm still waiting for you to accept the first one. (he pauses) You do work for me. I am entitled to ask when you're coming back."
+Chase," I don't know when I'm coming back. I don't know if I'm coming back. Got a pRoblem with that, fire me."
+Therapist, (patting Chase on the shoulder) Nice.
+Foreman," It's good to see you in the hospital, as a Patient if not as a doctor."
+Chase," BeliEve me, I'd rather be the guy with the clipboard."
+Foreman, How you doing?
+Chase, Arrhythmias are gone. Fine motor control is improving.
+Foreman," Not what I meant. If you need to talk to someone, a professional!"
+Chase, I'm fine.
+Foreman," Fine enough to get back to work? You don't have to work for House, but you do owe me 20 clinic hours."
+Chase," What, getting knifed doesn't buy me an extension?"
+Foreman," Buys you whatEver you need. But I know you. If all you do is physical therapy and your nighttime version of it, you'll lose your mind faster than you regain those fine motor skills. (Chase sighs)"
+Moira," Uh, have this terrible pain in my left shoulder. It came out of nowhere."
+Sister Joan, And nothing seems to help.
+Chase, Any other symptoms? Chest pain? Lightheadedness?
+Moira, No. None at all.
+Chase, What were you doing when the pain came on?
+Moira, Just sitting and praying.
+Sister Joan," She'd been helping to make the altar breads that morning, but no hard physical work or repetitive motion."
+Chase," A couple of possibilities. You have enlarged lymph nodes, so I'd like to start by ruling out breast cancer. And I do mean ""rule out."" It's pRobably nothing. (to Sister Joan) I'm gonna do a quick breast exam. Do you mind stepping out for a moment?"
+Sister Joan, Not at all. (she leaves)
+Chase," (picking up Moira's chart) That was so I could ask about the second possibility. Left-sided pain means it could be angina, which is made worse by stress. Might not be a coincidence that the pain started on the verge of a major life change."
+Moira, How did you know?
+Chase," Blue Veil means you're a postulant, haven't taken your vows yet. Brown Vestments means you're Carmelites, cloistered nuns, which explains the chaperone. (he pulls two latex gloves from a wall dispenser) You're about to withdraw from the world for good. I was a seminarian."
+Moira, Who obviously didn't take his vows.
+Chase, (pulling on the gloves) Cassock made my ass look fat. (Moira laughs) Do you mind unbuttoning your shirt and lying down for me?
+Moira, Okay. I have had second thoughts. I'm kind of a wreck.
+Chase," A life of perpetual enclosure and almost complete silence? If you weren't wrestling with this, I'd say there's something really wrong with you."
+Chase," I'm going to admit you. There's a little mass here, and I'd like to get it checked out."
+Wilson, It's just a benign fat deposit. Her imaging's clean.
+Chase, Stress test too. It's not angina. So why the shoulder pain?
+House," (entering the room with Taub, Adams, and Park) Is it possible that she hurt her shoulder?"
+Chase, (to Wilson) Thanks a lot.
+Wilson, I didn't tell him.
+House, (to Wilson) You were cagey about where you were going. And Chase being cagey in general. Good chance I'd find the two of you in the same cage. So I had Park follow you.
+Adams, (to Chase) How you feeling?
+Chase, Better. Heard your arm's healing nicely.
+Taub, Good to see you on your feet.
+House, (he has picked up the Patient file) Patient's a nun? You turning back to your long-abandoned faith in time of trouble?
+Chase, She was next up in the clinic. (taking the file from House) And I don't want your help.
+House, You got stabbed. You blame me.
+House, But what did you learn about me that you hadn't known for years?
+Chase, Maybe I was an idiot before and I'm not one now.
+House, Or maybe the rEverse is true.
+Chase, (looking back at Wilson) Thanks for all your help.
+House, (leaning in close) Your soul sister is having a fungal infection from the unprocessed wheat in the altar breads. Explains the shoulder pain and the jumbo lymph nodes.
+House, (calling out to Chase) Thanks for all my help.
+Park, I'm! I'm sorry I led House to you.
+Chase, It's part of the job.
+Park," Maybe we could get a meal after work tonight, if you want some companionship."
+Chase, (stopping to face her) You asking me out on a date?
+Park, No. I just! I guess that sounded! must be scary to be back. All those knives and needles. Infected blood and tissue Everywhere you look. Just thought you might need someone to talk to about it.
+Chase, Just knowing you're there for me is enough. Thanks. (Chase leaves Park standing in the hallway)
+Moira, Ever surf Kirra Point? Obviously you're Australian.
+Chase, I've surfed all over the Gold Coast. Don't tell me you have?
+Moira, The closest I got was Waimea Bay. I grew up on Maui.
+Chase," If you don't mind me asking, why are you becoming a nun?"
+Moira, You asking 'cause I surf?
+Chase," Well, I know that Jesus walked on water but! (Moira giggles) Plus the average postulant is a lot younger than you. What were you doing before this?"
+Moira, Not much of anything. Worked as a nanny. Moved around a lot. Bunch of failed relationships.
+Chase, And then what? God spoke to you? You heard the calling?
+Moira, Something like that. Does there have to be some dramatic moment where the skies part?
+Chase," Usually, yeah."
+Moira, Is that what happened to you when you entered the seminary?
+Chase," Mom drank, dad worked. They stuck me in catholic school. Priests and nuns were the closest I had to family. Turned out that wasn't much of a reason to join the priesthood."
+Moira, Is that why you left?
+Chase, Something like that.
+Moira," (sitting up in the bed) I think, I may throw up."
+Moira, What's wrong with me?
+Chase, Not a fungal infection.
+House," You're pRobably wondering, why the soda balloons?"
+Chase, I'm not.
+House," Well, I'll tell you. You're not the only one whose life spiraled out of control when you got knifed in the ventricle. Taub has decided!"
+Chase, (interrupting) I need help with my Patient. She's vomiting. That's not from a fungal infection.
+House, What are you planning to do now that you're not working for me?
+Chase, I have no idea. Almost dying's been clarifying. I can do anything.
+House, You can do anything. So you come back to the same building you've worked in for years. Guess you can cross that off your bucket list.
+Chase, Can we get to my Patient sometime soon?
+House," As soon as you admit that you're a confused mess, sure."
+Chase," You'll help me. 'Cause Even though you don't find my case interesting, you find my interest in it interesting."
+House," Well, when you put it that way! Ascending colangitis."
+Taub, (looking up) Missed me.
+Chase," Can't be, bilirubin's normal."
+House, (grabbing up another soda balloon) Clinical signs can show up days before lab signs.
+Taub, (looking back up at House) Ha ha ha!
+House, This is great. We should make this a regular thing.
+Nurse, She can't feel her foot at all.
+Moira, What does this mean?
+Chase, It means I've got to spend more time consulting with a colleague.
+Adams, Ketosteroid lEvels are low. How can he be hyper-sexual?
+House, He tried to tongue-kiss Park when you were closer. You think his sexuality is normal?
+Chase, I need more help. My Patient has a new symptom. Ischemic foot. Get the lecture out of your system so we can talk about my case.
+House, Let me start with an allegory.
+Park, (jumping back in fright) Ah.
+Chase," Okay, I'm curious."
+House, Your overreaction to your stabbing is to blame me Even as you are drawn to me. Taub's is to take moronic self-defense classes that won't defend him against anything.
+Taub, Krav Maga. Which helped me block your shot and will continue to help me defend myself in a building full of drugged-up strangers.
+House," Taub has to accept that by instinct and genetics he is a coward, who's better off running and hiding at the first sign of danger."
+Taub, I've already fended off six of your blitzkriegs in a row.
+House, And the sEventh? And the eighth? And the Nth?
+Chase," If you get him, what's that gonna prove?"
+House," That unexpected things happen. By definition, no class can teach you to expect them. Which is why Taub is idiotic to study them, and you're idiotic to attach any significance to them."
+House, (putting the paint gun down on the table) Blood clot.
+Chase, Her D-dimer's normal.
+House, On the other hand!
+Taub, Yah!
+Adams, What if he's right about the blockage but wrong about the cause? Vasospasm.
+Chase, That explains Everything but the lymph nodes. And any minor infection
+House, Calcium channel blocker to treat. (Chase takes up his crutches and leaves)
+Adams, You okay?
+Chase, I almost got you killed by bringing a scalpel into that room. I could feel better about that.
+Adams, You saved my life too. I think the ledger's clear. But how can you not be traumatized?
+Chase, Can't change what happened. Can only make better choices from here.
+Adams, So you're Zen about it but won't let go of your anger toward House? I'm seeing a trauma counselor. I think you should too.
+Chase, I'm okay. Just knowing you're there for me is enough. (He sighs as the elevator doors close)
+Chase, Convent lets you have this?
+Moira, I borrowed it from one of the nurses. I'm still on temporary vows. It may be the last time I hear Eminem for a while.
+Chase, You're using an iPod. But I've nEver seen you use rosary beads.
+Chase, What day did Jesus die?
+Moira," I know, one gospel says Passover; another says the day before."
+Chase, How Many times did the cock crow before Peter's third denial? Once or twice?
+Moira, You can't argue away my faith.
+Chase, Why? Because it's so strong Even plain contradictions!
+Moira, (interrupting) Because it's not that strong. I'm not saying I don't have faith. I just haven't felt the calling yet.
+Chase, No one joins the clergy without having that epiphany. That God's love is speaking to you directly.
+Moira," It's the silence, the contemplation, the order. I need them. Hoping Everything else will come later."
+Chase," That's not an answer. If you want silence, you can get ear plugs."
+Moira, I tried the outside world. It wasn't enough.
+Chase, Ever been married?
+Moira, No.
+Chase," No kids. You nEver found a career. Doesn't sound like the outside world got much of a try. What you're headed towards now, 14 hours a day in silent prayer, nEver having a family, nEver touParkng another huMan being."
+Moira, Just because that's what you'd miss the most. The nurses talk.
+Chase, (shaking his head) Nothing's wrong with having fun.
+Moira, They said you were almost killed three weeks ago. You go right back to fun?
+Chase, Is that why you wanna be a nun? Someone broke your heart?
+Moira, No. I'm just looking for something more.
+Chase, So am I.
+Chase, I'm late for work in the clinic.
+Chase, Really? George Washingbaum?
+Taub, He was a character in the Flintsteins. Just hiding out till House leaves the cafeteria.
+Chase," The self-defense classes, you think they're making any kind of difference?"
+Taub," Not as much as House's surprise attacks. He thinks three steps ahead, so I do too. Which is why you should accept his apology and come back on the team. He's annoying, he's maddening, but he makes us all better."
+Chase, (tossing down the chart) Note to self.
+Chase, Foot color's good. Arterial pulse is good. Capillary refill's good.
+Sister Joan, And her shoulder pain's all gone.
+Chase, Looks like your ready to go!home.
+Sister Joan, I'll get the car and meet you out front. (She leaves)
+Chase, I'd say I'm in the book but not the one you'll be reading from now on.
+Moira," Six years ago I!was a nanny in Honolulu. (Chase turns to look at her) For this beautiful two-year old boy. I loved him, pRobably spent more time with him than his own parents. One day I was in the Park talking with another nanny. He wandered out of the sandbox, into the street, into the path of a moving car."
+Chase, That could have happened to anyone.
+Moira," I don't think so. And Even if it did, they'd blame themselves for the rest of their lives too."
+Chase, You shouldn't. (Chase limps across the room to stand in front of Moira) You shouldn't run from what can still be a good life.
+Moira," I'm running to God. After what happened to you, don't you wanna remake your life?"
+Chase, Not by hiding myself away. I hope it works out for you.
+Moira, (she nods) It is gonna be hard. Not touParkng anyone.
+House, Who knew mother inferior was a smoking hottie. No wonder you're playing handsies with her.
+Chase, (tossing the chart on the counter) You think I'm hitting on a nun? Angry at God or I just need a challenge?
+House," Or you're terrified of intimacy, which is why you're a serial slut. But right now you're grasping at an emotional life raft. Ideally someone for whom intimacy's not an option. That actually makes sense, which I can't say about anything else you've been doing."
+Chase," I'm not emotionally involved with her. And much as I'd love to hear you contradict me, I have a 7:30 appointment to explore my intimacy issues at La Scala. (House stops and Chase leaves him behind)"
+Leisha, I'm talking to this agent. He's a bit of a sleaze. But he's really excited about representing me.
+Leisha," Although he can't take on any new clients right now, he's trying to get me an audition for one of those online soaps. Have you Ever watched one of those? (Chase is not listening) Am I boring you?"
+Chase," (pausing for a second) Unfortunately, yeah. Sorry. (he sits back in his chair, looking uncomfortable)"
+Moira, Hi.
+Chase, You're not supposed to be here. Or anywhere.
+Moira, (she stands) You were right. I was running away.
+Chase," Oh, now you're shy."
+Moira, It's brighter in the morning.
+Chase," So, are we gonna spend the rest of eternity in a lake of fire while pointy-tailed demons poke at us with sticks?"
+Moira," This is a little scary for me. I had a whole life planned. Not that I wasn't struggling with it. And then I met you. Don't worry, I know you're not the relationship type."
+Chase," I'm not, not the relationship type. I was married once."
+Moira, (propping herself up on one elbow so that she can look at him) Relax. You're fine.
+Chase, (he strokes her hair) So what's next for you?
+Moira," I have to find a place to live. Get my old job back. Sure, I'll feel guilty, start doubting."
+Chase, As long as you keep dealing with your doubts in the same way then! Moira?
+Moira," sorry, did you say something?"
+Chase, (looking concerned and struggling into a more upright position) Your neck.
+Moira, What?
+Chase, Are your ears ringing?
+Moira, Yeah. What does that mean?
+Chase, We've got to get you back to the hospital right away.
+Chase," The artery that's bringing blood to your brain, it's coming apart. Means you could stroke. I've paged a team of our best doctors."
+Moira, I don't have to cough as much.
+Chase, It's clotted up.
+Moira, Is that bad?
+Chase, We're almost there.
+Chase, (to Park) Get me her O-two lEvel. What are you doing?
+Park, I want to make sure I can position her wrist properly.
+Chase, For what?
+Park, A.B.G.
+Chase," I don't need an A.B.G., just get a pulse OX. (Park looks confused) I'll do it. Grab a consent form. (to Park) Go! (to Moira) We need to operate right now, okay?"
+Moira, (sounding confused) Good to operate.
+Chase," Repeat this: no ifs, ands, or buts about it."
+Moira, No about it and no ifs.
+Chase, Get her into O.R. elEven.
+Chase," Carotid dissection, four-inch pulsatile mass in her neck, and some Broca's aphasia. It's got to be a clot keeping her from bleeding out."
+Taub, Pulse?
+Chase," Bounding, four-plus. It was a three-plus 20 minutes ago."
+House," Twenty? Thought she just got here. (pulling back Chase's shirt to look at the blood on his neck) That blood looks pretty dry. Cut yourself shaving? You know, that can happen when the nun you woke up with coughs blood on you."
+Taub, You slept with a nun?
+Adams," Forget nun, you slept with a Patient?"
+Chase," Former, to both."
+House," Internal neck trauma, that's impressive. It's happened to me a few times. (raising his hand in the air) Up high."
+Nurse, (opening the door to the scrub room) Dr. Chase.
+Chase, Clot's broken. Bring her in and pack her nose. I'm gonna need number three Vicryls. (to Moira) I'm gonna fix this.
+Adams, You're not gonna operate on her.
+Chase, Kapur and Carlyle are unavailable. Reilly's done far fewer dissections than I have.
+Taub, He's also slept with her far fewer times than you have.
+Adams, Your judgment's compromised.
+Chase, I spent the night with her. Doesn't change how I make an incision.
+Adams, (to House) Tell him!
+House, Do the surgery.
+Adams, You're trying to score points with him at the risk of a Patient's life.
+House, He's the better surgeon.
+Chase, Vascular clamp.
+Taub, You're not gonna put her on bypass?
+Chase, It'd take a half hour to set up.
+Adams," You clamp now, she could stroke out."
+Chase," She's already got neurological symptoms. We wait 30 minutes, she'll definitely have brain damage."
+Adams, You're trying to make sure she's either perfect or dead.
+Chase," She's not going to die. If I get this done in five minutes, she won't stroke out."
+Adams, You don't know that you will. And you can't know because you can't think clearly about her.
+Chase, (firmly) Vascular clamp.
+Chase, Occlusion time 9:46 and 24 seconds. Vascular scissors.
+Adams, (looking up at the clock) We're over five minutes.
+Chase, Ultrasound.
+Chase, Good flow. Lighten the anesthesia.
+Taub, You're not gonna close the wound first?
+Chase, No.
+Chase," (to Moira) Can you hear me? (she nods) Repeat this: no ifs, ands, or buts."
+Moira," No ifs, ands, or buts. (Chase sighs with relief)"
+Park, I'm sorry about before.
+Chase," (stopping to face her) You're scared, aren't you? That's why you wanted companionship. That's why you cried out when House shot at Taub. What exactly are you scared of? A needle stick? Some other nut pulling a scalpel?"
+Park, I'm scared of Everything.
+Chase, It sucks that there was a stabbing. But you'll get over it.
+Park, Like you have?
+Chase, You weren't Even there.
+Park," I know, I! I left the room. It was pure luck."
+Chase, I was in the room. That was pure luck too. I get that you're scared and guilty. You're still a doctor. I don't have time to teach you to act like one.
+Chase, We removed the artery. I found nodules.
+House, Could mean lupus.
+Chase, Negative A.N.A. (House gets up) Where are you going?
+House, Great thing about assigning Taub fraudulent lab work is you know exactly where he's gonna end up. Great thing about assigning Taub obviously fraudulent lab work is you get to watch his inner paranoiac at work.
+House, And then!
+House, Two to the head.
+Chase, Can we talk about my Patient?
+House, Quite a journey. Starts with a surgical tool in your heart and ends with a surgeon's tool in a nun. What's the plan?
+Chase, Plan's to cure her.
+House," Well, if it's not meaningless sex, kinda screams out for an end game. You're the dog that's chasing the popemobile. You sure you want!"
+House," Oh, my God. Taub is interrogating the janitor. He must think that I hired him to attack! actually, why didn't I do that? Plaques could be confused for nodules. Which would mean!"
+Chase, Syphilis.
+House, Explains the shoulder and foot involvement. Hope you practiced immaculate contraception.
+House, Lock and load.
+House, (loudly) Boo-yah!
+House, (sputtering as the water hits his face) Pfft!
+Taub, (calmly) Boo-yah to you too.
+Moira, But I hadn't had sex in years.
+Chase, Tertiary syphilis means you've had the disease for at least that long.
+Moira, Does that mean you also have it?
+Chase, PRobably not contagious at this point.
+Moira, Can it cause hallucinations?
+Chase, It's unlikely. Why?
+Moira," While I was on the operating table, it didn't feel like a dream. I saw the boy who I was caring for. The one who died. He walked right up to me."
+Chase, What did he say?
+Moira, He just held my hand. It was like he forgave me. Do you think that's crazy?
+Chase," I think it should give you solace, help you to move on."
+Foreman, You slept with your Patient? You're off the case.
+Chase, I saved her from brain damage. You think my judgment's the least bit compromised?
+Foreman," She's still sick. If she dies, we'll be in the middle of a brand-new investigation."
+Chase, This is about you covering your own ass.
+Foreman," I gave you time, leeway, and you decided to do whatEver the hell you wanted."
+Chase," House can dance all over the rules, gets me knifed, and he gets a pass. I break a rule, no one gets hurt, but you kick me off my own case?"
+Foreman," Unfortunately, yes. (he leaves)"
+Adams, I'm sorry.
+Chase, (angrily) I took that scalpel for you.
+Adams," That's why I did this. Three weeks ago, you nEver would have slept with a Patient. And you nEver would have operated on her after. You need help."
+Chase, I need to get away from House and Everything that reminds me of him.
+Adams," By breaking the rules, not caring what anyone else thinks. You're gonna get away from him by turning into him? (Adam's pager beeps)"
+Moira, It hurts.
+Adams," Right upper quadrant, pain and distension."
+Moira, What's wrong with my stomach?
+Adams, (taking the chart from the nurse) Nothing. This is your liver.
+Park, The liver failure could be from intraoperative hypotension.
+Chase," Checked the anesthesia sheet, pressure was fine throughout. Thrombus?"
+House," That voice in the hall that none of us have any reason to be listening to is, not surprisingly, wrong. Abdominal ultrasound was negative."
+Adams, Then we have to assume liver failure is just another symptom of whatEver she's got.
+Taub," Trousseau's syndrome could send clots, cause the ischemic foot. Add the enlarged lymph node, macrocytosis."
+Park, Disseminated T-cell lymphoma.
+Chase, Wilson said it wasn't cancer.
+House, Wilson says it's not breast cancer.
+Chase, Sarcoidosis.
+Adams, Normal ace lEvel.
+Chase, Highly insensitive for sarcoid.
+Taub, Negative chest X-rays aren't.
+Chase, Then we've got to biopsy.
+House," Yeah, Foreman's clearly wrong. You're clearly not grasping at straws 'cause you're clearly not emotionally involved. I know you want to beliEve that this is something we can cure. It's not. I'm sorry. (the team disperses, leaving Chase standing alone in the hallway)"
+Moira, How soon will they know if it's cancer?
+Chase, Within hours.
+Moira, And if it is?
+Chase, There's always chemo.
+Moira, You say that like it's not gonna work.
+Chase, Could extend your life.
+Moira, Years?
+Chase, I'll be here as much as you need.
+Moira, You still nEver told me why you left the seminary.
+Chase," Mary Knoller. Wife of the groundskeeper. He caught me with her, got me with a rake. Those scars on my ass you may have noticed."
+Moira, (she laughs) Why didn't you tell me that before?
+Chase, Because it was so shallow. I wasn't exactly wrestling with great theological questions.
+Moira," I don't beliEve that. You don't sleep with the groundskeeper's wife, not unless you're struggling with whether you belong there."
+Chase, I always wanted to beliEve. It would have made my life a lot easier. It nEver took.
+Moira, (haltingly) Doesn't! mean! it's too late.
+Chase," Are you having trouble talking, like before?"
+Moira, I can get the words out. Just feels heavy when I do.
+Chase, Where?
+Moira, (touParkng her jaw) WherEver my chewing muscles are.
+Chase, I'll be right back.
+Chase, (to Taub as he turns the corner) House finally got you.
+Taub, He tried but!
+Chase, I gotta go.
+Taub, You shoulda seen it. It was perfect.
+Chase, She has jaw claudication. If you only heard claudication and carotid dissection!
+House, I'd say giant cell arteritis. And I'd tell your former teammates to put her on steroids.
+Chase, She's gonna live.
+House, Yeah. And then what? (Chase hurries out)
+Moira, They say my liver function's better. That I can get out of here soon.
+Chase," (limping over to the bed) And when you do, I'm gonna take you to Puerto Escondido."
+Moira, Mexico?
+Chase, The Mexican pipeline. Early May is when the surf really picks up but! what's wrong?
+Moira, I spoke to the prioress.
+Chase, You're going back?
+Moira, I felt the calling.
+Chase, When you saw the boy.
+Moira," I felt God's love, his grace. I've been waiting my entire life for that."
+Chase, It's not real.
+Moira, I know you didn't feel anything when you almost died. I did.
+Chase, You felt oxygen depravation. You felt your brain releasing noradrenaline.
+Moira, You didn't say that before.
+Chase, I wanted you to move on with your life. I wanted to reassure you. I wanted you to feel better.
+Moira, And now you don't?
+Chase, Now! I think I love you.
+House," (reading from the computer monitor) ""Noradrenaline and near-death experiences."" Oh, dear. You saw God?"
+Chase, She did. She wants to go back to the monastery.
+House, So now you're preparing a Powerpoint presentation to keep her in your garden of earthly delights. You're an idiot.
+Chase, Because I found someone I love?
+House, Because you're an idiot. (House pops some Vicodin) At least you two have that in common.
+Chase, Her feelings are based on a chemical process. They're gonna wear off.
+House, You just slept with her. Your brain is exploding with oxytocin. You think that's gonna last through the ages?
+Chase, (picking up his printout and moving toward the door) She's throwing away her life because of blind faith.
+House," So are you! She's found something she wants to build her life around. It's a total illusion, but apparently she'll take a little ignorance with her bliss. And you want to take that away?"
+Chase, How Many times have you thrown the truth in people's faces?
+House," Because it's the truth, not because we're gonna live happily Ever after."
+House," Either your relationship just blows up like Every other non-magical roMance, or she stays with you but blames you for stripping all the meaning out of her life."
+Chase," (angrily) This has nothing to do with the truth. You don't like that I'm reassessing my life, that I want to change it, that I can."
+House, Anyone can screw up a life. I nEver said that wasn't possible.
+Chase," You're incapable of huMan connection, so you want Everyone to be like you."
+House," If I wanted you to be like me! I would be urging you to make a stupid, stubborn decision that blows up your life and leaves you lonely and miserable. You reassess your life when you've made mistakes. You didn't. You just got stabbed. (Chase leaves)"
+Chase, Don't look at the book.
+Park, I haven't done a jugular line since my residency. I don't want to needle the carotid.
+Chase, What's the first step?
+Park, Palpate the S.C.M.
+Chase, Where?
+Park, Middle third of the neck.
+ And promise me this,??
+Chase, I'm happy I knew you.
+Moira, So am I.
+Moira, Robert.
+Foreman, 40 year-old water treatment worker with pyrexia and double vision.
+House, ! You said he worked in a sewer!
+Taub, Abscess?
+Adams, Would have seen it on the MRI.
+Chase, Diphtheria paralyzing the ocular muscles?
+Park," No, paralysis was first. Aneurysm?"
+Taub, Not with this fEver. Maybe we're thinking about this the wrong way. Retro-ocular infection?
+Park, With no local symptoms?
+Joe," Let's get back to Phil and Diane. [shot of a couple in the darkened audience] Phil's been having a hard time finding work, and Diane wants him to talk to her about his fear, his disappointment. And Phil wants Diane to trust him that they'll get through this, ideally, without having to keep discussing! [exaggerated inhale/shudder] feelings. Not your exact words, but am I wrong?"
+Joe," And most guys out there are the same way, but ladies, if you're feeling frustrated, remember! it's not our fault. We were raised to be strong, not emotional, to deny vulnerability, not embrace it. And do you know what that makes us? [pause] Dinosaurs. [audience chuckles] Nobody needs us to hunt wild animals for food. Nobody needs us to cut down trees to build shelter. They need us to evolve, to catch up."
+Joe," Since the 1960s, women's roles have shifted radically. [drinks] And as -- uh, as their-- in--as their roles have changed, so have women, they've -- they've, uh -- well, they've become tougher, and more deManding of us. They're partners. And""�and -- who can blame them? Who ""�- who can -- who can, uh! expecting us to -- to do this�"
+Marlene, Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe.
+Aide, [on phone] We need an ambulance.
+Taub, You want?
+Adams, I'm good. [He sits as Chase joins them.] Your limp's almost gone.
+House," It pains me to interrupt the collegial banter, it pains me Even more to listen to it continue. 38-year-old Man. Spikes a fEver and collapses during a speaking engagement. E.R. checks out blood volume, cardiac function, and autonomic reflexes, all normal."
+Chase," Patient makes a living telling men to behave more like women. I'm surprised you didn't throw psych symptoms into the differential. Either way, could be a cerebral AVM."
+Park," E.R. did a head CT. No sign of AVM. Decent thought, though."
+House," The Patient's philosophy makes perfect sense. Its only flaw is that it's impossible. Evolution does not work that way. You can't talk legs onto a fish. We're gonna go extinct, and we're gonna do it drinking scotch and driving muscle cars. Am I right? [He puts up both fists.] Am I� [After a long pause, Chase and Taub reluctantly do knuckle bumps with him.] Thank you."
+Chase, Cephalic fibromuscular dysplasia?
+Park," It doesn't explain the fEver. The Patient's talking about compromise. If you don't think that's possible, you don't think relationships are possible."
+House, Anyone in this room in a position to disprove that?
+Park," This guy's just playing to his audience. Women are, by far, the biggest consumers of the self-help industry."
+Taub," He could have a pulmonary embolism. Clot in his lung increases right ventricular afterload, drops the blood flow to his brain. We should do a pulmonary angiogram."
+Adams," Patient lacks major risk factors for a P.E. Doesn't rule it out, just makes it unlikely. Maybe we start with a D-dimer?"
+Taub, [nods] Less invasive than the angiogram. Good idea.
+House," [reluctantly] Fine. [inhale] Now, I am hereby searParkng for a number two. So I'm eating a lot of bran. [fake laugh/snort] Also, I want a team leader. Someone to fill Foreman's old job."
+Chase, Why?
+House, You're right. We don't need any more structure. It's not like we had a near-fatal stabbing.
+House," Well, if it isn't the old ball and Ukraine."
+Adams, Who's that?
+Chase, His wife.
+House, Dominika.
+Dominika, House. You survived prison.
+House," And you Atlantic City, where they also have gangs and pruno, but slightly less recidivism."
+Dominika," I start Ukrainian food truck business. After gambling � win, lose � Everybody likes a little knish."
+House," You're here, and I seem to remember throwing out a bunch of certified letters from immigration. I'm assuming there's a connection."
+Dominika," Our green card interview is in four days. They come to the apartment, they ask questions about marriage, vacations, family history, what side of the bed each sleep on."
+House," We've nEver taken a vacation, I don't like your family, and on top. I hear Kiev is lovely this time of year. And your mother, who may or may not be dead for all I know, misses you."
+Dominika, Can it be that genius doctor is afraid to take on a silly government apparatParkk?
+House," Well, I would say more not interested than afraid, but why quibble?"
+Dominika," Then I go to plan ""B."" Make you an offer that cannot be refused."
+Taub, How long you been doing seminars?
+Joe," The marriage counseling, just, uh, the past couple years. Before that, I did corporate coaParkng."
+Adams, Can't imagine the same advice works for both audiences. Guess you shifted with the market?
+Marlene, There's nothing cynical about my husband. He and I�
+Joe," No, it's okay. I get it. What guy thinks men should be more like women? A macho jerk who got a big wake-up call courtesy of three drunks who beat the crap outta me outside a sports bar in Milwaukee."
+Taub, I'm guessing that explains the broken wrist in your medical history?
+Joe," Those morons did me the biggest favor of my life. I realized I'd sacrificed my health because I couldn't back down from an argument over football. Meeting Marlene was the final piece in the puzzle. She changed my career, my diet. She gave me a whole new direction in life."
+Taub," We'll need to know exactly how you changed your diet, and when."
+House, Need my apartment key back.
+Wilson," If you're breaking up with me, can we at least talk about it first?"
+House, Maybe if you weren't all nag and no shag.
+Wilson, I don't sleep with married men.
+House, I'll get a copy made.
+Wilson," You're an ex-con. If you get caught perjuring yourself to Homeland Security, you'll end up back in jail."
+House, And that would be troubling if there was the slightest chance that we'd get caught.
+Wilson, You barely know each other. You've got about five minutes to remake yourselves into a convincing married couple. And! why? Dominika gets a green card. What's in this for you?
+House," This is what men do for the women they pretend to love. Also, she's paying me 30,000 bucks once we pass. Apparently knishes sell like hotcakes."
+Taub, [entering] Lab results.
+House, Afraid you're gonna have to finish your nag later.
+Wilson," I said I think it's stupid, right? Then I think I'm done."
+Taub, D-dimer came back normal. Rules out pulmonary embolism.
+Adams," And our Patient's a true beliEver about the follies of masculinity. He underwent a spiritual overhaul three years ago. He also went off gluten and red meat. Unfortunately, that doesn't explain any of his symptoms."
+House, One of those points is not absurd.
+Adams, What's absurd about a change of heart? What this guy beliEves is making him a better person. He's going against his baser instincts.
+House," ""Base"" meaning foundational. Meaning things we are biologically programmed to do. Yes, perfectly natural that he stopped doing that stuff. [confidentially, to Adams] You know, that's the kind of lapse that could take you out of the running for team leader."
+Adams, I feel surprisingly okay with that.
+House, Comes with a 50-buck-a-week raise.
+Park, I'm in.
+Chase, You don't want to do that. Might need your dignity later in life.
+House, You didn't. And she could be on her way to living the dream unless the rest of you nut up and give her� [He stops and thinks.] This spiritual overhaul! did it come after a physical overhaul? A major injury of some kind?
+Taub, Bar fight. But there's no way a broken wrist explains�
+House," Adams, come with me. [to Chase] You too. You guys! get a copy of that made. [He gives his key to Park.]"
+House, Did those dudes bend your ball sack like Beckham? Three years ago. The bar fight.
+Adams, This is Dr. House. He has a theory.
+House," Oh, Dr. Adams, would you mind? [Adams turns to the door, bends over and picks up the pen. Marlene glances at her. Joe continues to stare at House.] I asked you a question. I assume you know the answer."
+Joe," Yeah, I took a couple serious knees to the groin."
+House, Wha � what has gotten into me? Dr. Chase. [Chase looks suspicious.] Just pick it up.
+Joe, Do you know what's wrong with me?
+House," Nothing that The Golden Girls couldn't have handled in 23 hilarious minutes. You had a hot flash. Those guys kicked your guys hard enough to do lasting damage. You didn't Even look when presented with two reasonably attractive tuPark. [loudly, to Chase and Adams] Yeah, I said it!"
+Joe, I was listening to my doctor.
+House," People generally listen with their ears, leaving their eyes free to wander. I'm guessing that your testosterone lEvel is just below ""Bieber."" Do a blood test to confirm, and start hormone replacement. It's no wonder that you think women are so great. You've basically been one for the last three years."
+Taub," Tests confirm House is right. Low testosterone explains all your symptoms. They should go away with replacement therapy. Uh, we're gonna give you a fairly high dose. Over time, your personal physician may reduce it a little. [picks up syringe] Just need you to turn around."
+Marlene, Will the shots increase his libido?
+Joe, Are you worried about that?
+Marlene, No. [slight laugh]
+Joe, Have you been unsatisfied?
+Marlene," No. No, it's just! Well, it's usually me that initiates things. Sometimes I""�I think maybe you aren't that attracted to me."
+Joe, Are you crazy?
+Taub," With these injections, you will see an increase in sex drive."
+Joe," Okay, great."
+Marlene, Yeah.
+Taub, Okay.
+Taub, All done.
+Joe," Okay. [He starts buckling his pants.] Oh, something's wrong. I think I peed myself."
+Marlene, Is that from the testosterone?
+Taub, [guiding Joe to a seat] It couldn't be. I don't think you're going home just yet.
+Chase, It's not a plumbing pRoblem. Means it's pRobably neurological.
+House, And?
+Chase, [pulling some papers to him] And name Dominika's three brothers.
+House," Uh! Volodymyr, Oleksiy, and! [frustrated] aaugf."
+Adams, Low testosterone is off the table as a symptom. Guy got his nuts cracked three years ago. Don't need to look much further than that.
+House," So his hose just happens to spring a leak at the same time he's in a hospital for a totally unrelated pRoblem. [points to Chase, triumphantly] Fjodor."
+Chase, It's Fedir.
+Taub," If low testosterone means I can't get sick with something else, then punch me in the junk right now."
+House," I would, if it weren't redundant. Is Fedir the one who married Mykola?"
+Chase, [reading] Mykola is! Dominika's uncle?
+Adams," How is it you can retain Every detail of our habits and personal lives, and none of this?"
+House," 'Cause I find it hard to remember things I don't give a crap about. Ergo, Dominika has one brother, and his name is Al."
+Park," Maybe the testicular damage set the stage for something worse. Multiple Sclerosis causes incontinence, and progresses faster in men with low T."
+House, Way to stay on point. It's that kind of leadership that's putting you at the head of the pack.
+Chase, There is no pack. She's the only applicant.
+House," Well, that's settled, then. Have your underlings do an LP and get a cranio-spinal MRI to check for plaques associated with M.S. I will go tell Foreman about your promotion."
+Chase and Adams, Wait.
+Park," So nobody cares about the job till I apply, and suddenly it's the last limited-edition light saber at Comic-Con."
+Chase, Just seems like it should go to someone with more! seniority.
+Adams, Meaning you.
+Chase," I said ""more,"" not ""most."""
+Adams, Meaning you or Taub.
+Taub, House is a dictator. Second in comMand is a meaningless position.
+Park, Doesn't look meaningless on my resume.
+Adams, Doesn't have to be meaningless at all. The right person could turn it into something. Get the department running smoothly.
+Chase," I wonder who that ""right person"" could be."
+Adams, House is the head of the department. It's only fair that a Woman should hold the other position of authority.
+Park," Yeah, let's go affirmative action on this, because then I'll definitely win."
+Taub," This is what House wants. Wind us up and watch us fight over an empty title, which would make us extra stupid because of what we've just been through. We should let him choose whoEver he wants and move on."
+Joe," So if these proteins are in my spinal fluid, that means I have M.S.?"
+Taub, Proteins may indiCate M.S. There's no one definitive test. That's why Dr. House ordered an MRI as well.
+Adams, This is anesthetic. It's a scary diagnosis. But advances are being made. SEveral drugs approved just this year.
+Joe," To be honest, at the moment, I'm feeling a little more worried about the testosterone injections. It's making me feel, uh, different. Just kind of amped. I went through this big life change, and it felt really! meaningful. But what if it was all just chemistry?"
+Adams," Loss of testosterone could have been a factor, but think of it as a catalyst. It got you to reevaluate. Now you know what's important. You can choose to hold onto that. Right?"
+Taub, It's certainly worth trying. [to Joe] Deep breath. Stay very still.
+Chase, Just tell House to drop the whole team leader thing. That's the only way it'll go away.
+Foreman, I don't think it's such a bad idea. A little more structure in your department couldn't hurt.
+Chase," Yeah. House is doing this because of his great love of structure, not because he wants us to turn on each other."
+Foreman, So don't do that. It makes sense to have someone in there with a little more accountability.
+Chase," As long as it's not Adams. She sees the whole thing as an opportunity to remake the department in her image. Or Park, for obvious reasons. And Taub's got the kids. He's pretty busy."
+Foreman, Are you seriously angling for a job that you mocked its fate the whole time I had it?
+Chase, I don't want the job.
+Foreman, You just don't want anyone else to have it. This'll be great.
+House, Your grandmother's kind of sexy.
+Dominika," That is Taras Shevchenko, the greatest Ukrainian poet."
+House," Is he the guy behind ""There once was a Man from Kremenchuk""?"
+Dominika, Help me move coffee table.
+House," [helping] Well, then where will we have coffee? And by ""coffee"" I mean scotch."
+Dominika, Coffee and booze are artificial high for me. High is in exercise.
+Dominika," Dance aeRobics. Fun, and good for the butt."
+Dominika, Whoo!
+Park, Amy Grant?
+House," I know. But there's a hot girl jumping up and down in my living room, so!"
+Dominika, Aww!
+Park, You have a limited amount of time to learn a ton of uninteresting facts. Welcome to my wheelHouse.
+House, You brought a protractor?
+Park, You nEver know when you might need to make a pie chart.
+House, [sits on the couch] Looks like someone is currying favor for the team leader position.
+Park," Yes. We'll be using a basic alphabet technique with a mnemonic multiplier. In high school, they called me ""The Bookie Monster."" [claps] Pop quiz. Where did you get the candlesticks? [She points to the Mantelpiece.] On three. One, two, three."
+House, Morocco.
+Dominika, Denver.
+Park, Drink up. It's gonna be a long night.
+Adams, You really think this guy's gonna hulk out once the hormones kick in?
+Taub," Some male lizards do push-ups to attract mates. When scientists gave them extra testosterone, they did push-ups until they died. Same drive you took advantage of to get Chase to carry a box of files down to your car yesterday."
+Adams, Periventricular and subcortical white matter are clean. So you're saying masculinity is ingrained and irrational.
+Taub, I'm saying it's pointless to try�
+Adams," By extension, you're also saying femininity is enlightened and rational. It's the way we should all be, guys just are incapable of it."
+Taub, [changing the subject] Brain stem and cord are clean.
+Joe, Is it okay if I scratch my nose?
+Adams, Go ahead. [to Taub] Guess he doesn't have M.S.
+Joe, Something's wrong.
+Adams, Is it your hand?
+Joe," No, it's my eyes. I'm""�I'm seeing double."
+Park, [voice] Smile. It's your Honeymoon.
+House, [hugging Dominika close] So what causes double vision on top of all the other symptoms?
+Adams, [at the conference table] It's not a brain tumor or we would've seen it on the scans. Eye exam didn't offer anything conclusive.
+Park, Let's do some winter shots. WardRobe change.
+Taub, Thyroid eye disease in conjunction with Graves.
+House, Thyroid lEvel was normal.
+Chase, Check it out. Simpson traded this in exchange for me helping out on some of my days off.
+House, Quite the display of initiative and leadership.
+Adams, But you're way too smart to fall for a blatant bribe like that.
+Park, Or a blatant flaunting of cleavage. Like those.
+Taub," What happened to not letting House get to you? You're like lemmings, marParkng off the cliff of competitive humiliation."
+Adams, All I'm doing is my job. House has indiCated that he considers me attractive. There's nothing wrong with me using my strengths to my advantage.
+Park," With an argument like that, maybe you should just drop down to your knees and � I mean, unless that's not your strength."
+Dominika," Oh, big hug, big Man. It's cold out here."
+Taub," At the risk of derailing this very productive photo shoot and bickering session, what about myasthenia gravis? Extra-ocular muscle weakness leads to double vision, atonic bladder leads to incontinence. Could've been triggered when his T got really low."
+Dominika," [putting on a embroidered blue jumpsuit] Ooh, a little one. He'd be a good pick."
+House," Smooth. You let the rest of them compete, tear each other to pieces, then you swoop in with a save. Start the Patient on IVIG and plasmapheresis."
+Taub," Can you handle that, please? I need a minute."
+House," Well, make it quick. We're doin' Memphis."
+Taub," You think you want this, but it's a bad idea."
+House," I was gonna go Dollywood, but I'm not sure I could pull off that wig."
+Taub," Everybody was playing nice, and in your world, nice doesn't solve cases, but after what happened, a little bonding is a good thing. [House takes a Vicodin.] We still have ideas, we still argue. Maybe it could work better if we appreciate each other."
+House, That was impressive. You said that whole thing without once moving your lips. [Taub looks puzzled.] The ones you're not moving.
+Taub," Oh. I get it. I won't play along with your stupid games, so I'm no longer a Man. ClEver."
+House," Actually, you won't play along with my stupid games because you're no longer a Man. Still clEver, though. Studies have shown that raising kids lowers testosterone lEvels in men. The more involved you are, the lower it gets."
+Taub, Right. Having kids has neutered me. Or maybe it's helped me finally grow up.
+Adams, How are you feeling?
+Joe," As long as I keep my eyes closed, pretty good. Really good, actually. I got energy, I feel confident, clear."
+Adams, Testosterone does tend to perk you up.
+Marlene," [entering] Hey, Hon. I brought you a burger."
+Joe, Really?
+Marlene, You're in the hospital. Eat whatEver you want.
+Joe, You're the best wife Ever. And I'm not just saying that because of how great your ass looks in those jeans. I'm sorry. That was�
+Marlene," [smiling] No, it's okay. Girl likes to know she's appreciated."
+Joe, Come here. So I think we should talk to Leading Lights about seminars and DVDs.
+Marlene, Are you sure? You were worried about the commitment.
+Joe," Yeah, there's no point in being in business with them halfway. You okay with that?"
+Marlene, It's good to finally have a decision.
+Joe, Okay.
+House," Fedir is the brother she worries about the most. Ever since Luba passed. [Wilson enters.] Sorry. But this is the closest we could find to the cold, soulless offices of a government bureaucracy."
+Wilson," If you're not using your office, I will."
+Park, Does Dominika still communiCate with her high school friends?
+House," Uh, Vasyl, yes. Oksana, no. Not since she kissed Pavlo. 'Cause that bitch knew that Dominika liked him."
+Wilson, Wrong.
+Dominika," Oh, Oksana is a slut. Dead to me."
+Wilson, The right answer is the wrong answer. No husband would pay that much attention to his wife's friend dramas.
+Park, Haven't you been divorced three times?
+Wilson," In-between those divorces, I was married, non-fraudulently, for 12 years total, which is 12 years longer than anyone in this room. [He sighs loudly.] Move."
+Park, So are you going for this team leader thing?
+Chase, PRobably.
+Park, You deserve it. You have way more experience than me.
+Chase, You're giving up?
+Park," I wish. I still have a lot of med school Debt, and my parents need help with their mortgage. So I could kinda use the money."
+Joe," As of an hour ago, I'm just seeing one of Everything. Looks like you guys were right�"
+Chase," We'll be right back. [He backs out and gestures for Park to follow him.] ""I could use the money""? You want to game me, you gotta do better than that."
+Park, Chase�
+Chase," You want to be a leader, you have to know how to Manipulate. You can't just spill�"
+Park, I think the whites of his eyes were yellow.
+Joe, Everything okay?
+Chase, Jaundice.
+Park, There's something wrong with your liver.
+Chase, Liver function tests confirm his enzymes are totally out of whack.
+Park, So much for myasthenia gravis.
+House, Can we hurry this up? I have a government to defraud at noon.
+Adams," If you need to leave, you should. I'm fairly confident our Patient's got sarcoidosis."
+Park," Wow, you said that with so much authority. Did anyone else get Parklls?"
+Chase," Just until I realized our Patient has no sign of parenchymal lung abnormalities, which makes sarcoidosis a long shot. And bookkeeping isn't gonna get you any farther than boobs."
+House," Though in fairness, the boobs were really, really helping."
+Taub, I still think it's myasthenia gravis.
+Park, Did you miss the recap? We treated for that. The liver tanked.
+Taub, But his vision got better.
+Adams, Liver pRoblems could be a sign of celiac. He's been back on gluten since he's been in the hospital. Yesterday he had a burger.
+Taub," That would've kicked the celiac into gear, causing the liver pRoblems."
+Chase, So your theory is that he has two unrelated diseases. And he's already got low testosterone. I seem to remember something about House hating coincidences.
+House, It's true.
+Park," I think it's Lyme disease. One single disease named ""Lyme."""
+Adams, Without a rash.
+Chase, 10% of cases present without a rash.
+House, Lyme disease it is. Start the Patient on antibiotics. Now I have to get home before my fake wife gets real annoyed.
+Chase, Something bothering you?
+Joe, I asked the nurse for an extra pillow. That was half an hour ago.
+Chase, Sorry. Things can get pretty hectic.
+Joe," It was a pillow. I mean, how hard can a pil � Listen to me. I'm being a jerk."
+Chase, Testosterone can give you a shorter temper Even when you're not sick. You noticed and adjusted. That's a good thing.
+Marlene, [enters] Hey. Just got a call from our Lawyer. You changed our counter to leading lights?
+Joe, You deserve proper billing and a salary bump in the second term.
+Marlene, We talked about this. We decided it wasn't worth potentially blowing the deal.
+Joe, [cutting her off] It'll be fine.
+Marlene, I've got to get some work done.
+Dominika," These are such pretty flowers you buy for me Every Friday, from Japanese florist, on corner of Edison and Conway."
+House," Just one more thing. [He opens a box.] With this ring, I thee wedded. You left it here when you skipped town with your boyfriend."
+Dominika, You kept the rings.
+House," Actually, I tried to trade them to a hooker for unspecified favors, but it turns out she doesn't accept zinc."
+Dominika, Like modern fairytale.
+WeinMann, Dr. and Mrs. Gregory House?
+House, Yeah.
+WeinMann, Nate WeinMann. U.S. Immigration.
+House, Welcome to our home.
+Chase," Give him time. When I was 14, there was a girl I wanted to impress, so I jumped off the roof of her House. Broke my ankle. Joe's basically going through puberty. It'll take him a while to adjust."
+Marlene, I-I tracked down a video from one of Joe's business coaParkng seminars from before I knew him.
+Joe," [on the computer] I'm hearing a lot about the value of compromise. We don't live on Sesame Street. We live in the real world, the business world. If you're not a winner, you're a loser. If you aren't comfortable with that, go open a pottery studio."
+Marlene, I nEver would have gone out with the guy in this video.
+WeinMann," Uh, do you remember the last time she visited Vasyl?"
+House," Uh, let me see, that would be! August? No. No, July. 'Cause I remember it was right after our half-anniversary, and I forgot to put a gift in her suitcase. And! I've nEver heard the end of that one."
+Dominika, House specialty. I made up this pun.
+WeinMann, [chuckles as he takes a pastry] Is it � Thank you.
+Dominika, Mm-hmm.
+House," Honey, why do you do this to me? You know I'm watParkng my weight."
+Dominika, Then maybe you'll stop eating cheese in front of open fridge in middle of the night.
+WeinMann, This is delicious.
+Dominika, Thank you.
+WeinMann, So Everything looks good in here. I'm just gonna step out and get a corRoborating interview from one of the neighbors.
+Dominika, Neighbors? It's-it's middle of the day. I-I-I think Everybody's at work.
+WeinMann," Yeah, then they're at work. I just got a form to check off, and you will be on your way to perManent status."
+WeinMann," 'Scuse me, sir. Do you have a minute?"
+Wilson, How can I help you?
+WeinMann, Do you know Dr. and Mrs. House?
+Wilson," Of course, they've been my neighbors about two years, now. Lovely couple. I see them almost Every night. They seem always to be together."
+WeinMan," Great, well, thanks for your help."
+Wilson, Cheerio.
+Hastings," Hey, what're you doing? That's my door."
+Wilson," [flustered, in his normal accent] Handing out menus for a new Parknese place."
+Hastings, You're that guy that plays noisy video games with House on Saturday nights.
+House, There's a simple explanation.
+WeinMann, [ominously] Be at my office tomorrow at 10.
+Taub, The Patient's shown zero improvement.
+Chase, Because he's only been on the antibiotics overnight.
+Taub, Or because he doesn't have Lyme disease. Where are you?
+House," [on speaker phone] Oh, just Parkllin'. U.S. Citizenship and Immigration. Waiting on my fraud interview with my wife and my attorney. [Cut to USCIS. House, Dominika and Calvin Ayres, their attorney, sit on airport-style chairs.] No big."
+Ayres, [loud whisper] House. Hang up.
+Taub, I still think it's myasthenia gravis plus celiac. His change in diet has to be significant.
+Adams, We just need to do an intestinal biopsy to confirm.
+Chase," With his low platelet count, a biopsy puts him at risk for an abdominal bleed, which puts him at risk of death."
+Ayres," Either you're done, or you're walking in there without a Lawyer."
+House," I know, it sounds like a phone, but it's a timer to remind me to pee before our meeting. [He walks into the bathroom, looks and the screen and answers in a British accent.] Hello, old chap."
+Wilson," You need to save yourself. I was up last night trying to find another angle, but I can't. Tell immigration you were in love with Dominika, but your marriage fell apart, and that's why you haven't been living together."
+House," She'll be deported, perManently."
+Wilson," House, I know you like Dominika, you have fun with her, but you got caught. There's no getting out of this. The best you could hope for is that you don't go back to jail."
+House, Tell my team to-to skip the biopsy and give the antibiotics more time.
+Ayres, They're ready for us.
+Joe," I drew a line in the sand, and I won. We should be celebrating."
+Adams, [entering] Do you need a few minutes?
+Joe, I'd rather keep getting better.
+Marlene," That's just it. You won. You made a deMand that could've blown up the deal, and you nEver Even asked me."
+Joe, Deal didn't blow up. They caved.
+Marlene," Joe, you say it in your seminars. Process matters just as much as results."
+Joe, Are you seriously busting my chops because I made one little move without you? How 'bout stepping aside and letting me be the Man in this relationship for a change?
+Marlene, I really can't talk to you right now.
+Joe, I don't know why I said that. Just � I got so angry.
+Adams," Hopefully after this dose, you'll start to feel better, and we can get you home. [She looks at this lunch plate with the remains of a sandwich and a few veggies on it.] But I'd like to do one more test."
+Ayres," The testimony of one angry, nearsighted neighbor shouldn't outweigh all other evidence. Photos, utility bills�"
+WeinMann," Yes, because your clients would nEver fake anything."
+Ayres," Uh, we acknowledge the neighbor thing was a mistake, but that doesn't mean that all of the other documentation should just be thrown out."
+WeinMan," Look, look, you know, I get that it's your job to try to act like there's a case here, but shut up."
+Ayres, [quietly] Okay.
+WeinMann," USCIS will be denying Miss Petrova's green card application. You'll be referred to immigration court for deportation proceedings, and we're gonna inform your parole Officer about evidence of fraud. So, unless anybody has anything else to add!"
+Dominika," [emotionally] Please, I am begging, do not send him back to jail. Maybe we have not lived together all these�"
+WeinMann," Mrs. House, I have to advise you not to continue."
+Dominika," This Man and I, did we marry for love? No. But this past week, we have a lot of fun. Working really hard to fool the U.S. government, right?"
+Ayres, [to House] Don't answer that.
+House, [to Ayres] Way ahead of you.
+Dominika," [nearing tears] It was fake, but! it felt real. Maybe because it become real. This Man � my husband � I want to stay with him, but if I cannot, please send me away, and let him be free. I love him."
+WeinMann," I didn't buy a word you said. But a Judge might. [long pause] I'm gonna let you stay. But for the next six months, I'm gonna hold onto this file, and our investigators are gonna show up unannounced at 6:00 a.m., 11:00 at night, and they better find the two of you sitting on the couch, watParkng NCIS, eating ice cream from the same spoon. Or both of you will be sent to places far less pleasant than New Jersey."
+House, [whispers to her] What you just said in there!
+Dominika, [quietly] Don't worry. I'm much too smart to be falling in love with you. I will be needing extra shelf in bathroom.
+Adams, Abdominal biopsy showed flattened villi. Looks like you were right about celiac.
+Taub, You do remember Chase got stabbed doing a test House didn't order?
+Adams," Good comparison, since both Patients were tweaked on steroids."
+Taub, You only did this to score points over Chase and Park.
+Adams," We were right. I proved it, and the Patient didn't bleed out. Why are you being a jerk about this? Let's go see if House is back."
+Taub, Patient's having trouble breathing.
+Adams, So much for celiac.
+Taub," His breathing is stabilized, but his lung function is at 60%, and his liver is tanking."
+Adams, And he has major symptoms of celiac without actually having celiac.
+Chase, Could be Whipple's.
+Taub, Doesn't explain the incontinence. Intestinal lymphoma?
+Chase, Doesn't explain the double vision. [to House] Any time you want to jump in.
+House, Is dance aeRobics Even a thing?
+Adams, I hear it's good for the butt. What about a parasitic infection? Strongyloides is known to damage the small intestine.
+Chase," In this country, he's about as likely to get that as win Powerball."
+Park, Someone does win Powerball. Every week. The Patient went to Puerto Rico a few months ago. One of the few places in the U.S. you could pick up strongyloides.
+Taub," Treatment is ivermectin. We give that to someone with liver pRoblems, he could have seizures, or worse."
+House, Do it.
+Joe," I'm hearing a lot about the value of compromise. But we don't live on Sesame Street, we live in the real�"
+Taub," I was wondering if maybe we overlooked a symptom, or something."
+House," Makes perfect sense. If you're the Patient, and ""pantywaist"" is the symptom."
+Taub," Adams and I both thought the Patient could have celiac, but only she was willing to go out on a limb and run the test. I gave up."
+House, Now you're in here watParkng a motivational speech. Even your attempt to get your balls back lacks balls.
+Joe," � world, the business world. If you're not a winner, you're a loser."
+Taub, His voice � it's lower than it is now.
+House, If only there was a good reason for a professional speaker to be hoarse.
+Joe, Go open a pottery studio.
+Taub, Good point. [turns off the video]
+House, It's not a good point. It's a decent point. You're doing it again. You have any other videos? Other seminars?
+Taub, A couple.
+Joe," When you see a weakness, that's a time for strength. [clears throat] A lot of people say, ""Oh, I feel bad about it. The other guy made a mistake."""
+House, You bailed too early. Now I get all the credit.
+Joe, That kind of thinking is what makes you have a bad day.
+House, Chronic hoarseness is a symptom of a condition called silent thyroiditis.
+Joe, But I'm not hoarse.
+House," Exactly. But you were three years ago. Silent thyroiditis comes and goes. And it, in turn, is a symptom of polyglandular autoimmune syndrome type 3, which makes this a really bad idea. [He throws the ivermectin in the trash.] PAS 3 attacks the body's own endocrine system, moving from gland to gland. [CGI of Joe's glands under attack.] It started in the thyroid, and pRobably helped along by your low testosterone, moved on to the gut."
+Taub," Where it caused celiac disease, or it would've if you weren't on a gluten-free diet. I was right."
+House," This is incredibly relevant. Eventually, PAS 3 attacked your thymus gland. You dEveloped myasthenia gravis, which landed you in here, and you started eating gluten, which only made things worse."
+Joe, So am I gonna be okay?
+Taub," We'll treat the various conditions with high-dose steroids. Assuming they respond, you should be fine."
+Marlene, And the testosterone?
+House, Kicked in the nuts is kicked in the nuts.
+House," Over the past week, you've all had good moments and bad. No one candidate has prevailed. And so now, we embark upon a contest of medical strength, stamina, and skill."
+Chase, Can we just get this over with?
+House," If the competitor representing Australia would like to take a point deduction, he should, by all means, continue yapping."
+Park, Your glee is on the verge of making this not worth it for any of us.
+House, Can I at least light the torch?
+Park, Hurry.
+House," I declare open the games of the number one, number two competition. Je declare ouvert� [Chase gives him a look.] All right. Ready, set, suture!"
+Taub, T time.
+Joe, What happens if I don't take it? Or at least go to a much lower dose?
+Taub, Are you having side effects?
+Joe," No, I feel great. Faster, clearer. More like myself. But my marriage and my career, they're both built on me being somebody else."
+Taub, Low testosterone can cause depression and pRoblems sleeping. It's also been linked to conditions such as osteoporosis and diabetes. It'll make your life harder and more dangerous on top of all the meds you'll be taking.
+Joe, I'll take that risk. I'm a better Man without it.
+Taub," Well, this certainly has brought more structure to the department."
+House," Really, I'm just excited for the wheelchair race. You were smart not to enter. NEver in, nEver lose. And since you no longer have stones."
+Taub, I'll split the 50 a week with you.
+House, Deal.
+House," Honey, I'm home!"
+Sam," Telling you, Will, you got a real winner here. She's just gonna love it."
+Will," Stacy, box her up. [A sheet of tissue paper rustles as Stacy pulls it off a pile.] Oh. Just the box. I'm sure it's prettier than the paper. [Stacy and Same smile as she hands Will the box. He opens it to rEveal a ring with a large, square diamond and a few baguettes on the band.] One tiny rock. So Many other cool things I could have bought for myself. [He touches the ring, shifting it from side to side in the box.] Sam, Stacy, it's been a pleasure being ripped off by you."
+Sam, Such a nice boy. Too bad he's a handicap.
+Will, Excuse me. Thank you.
+Man," You all right, Man? Take it easy, Man! [Will claps both hands over his ears, trying to block out the escalating noise.] It's okay. It's okay."
+House, Kid's a blind diabetic. He's hyperglycemic hyperosmolar.
+Adams, Which is what we thought until his blood tests showed a controlled sugar lEvel and no ketones.
+Park, It could be caused by drug abuse.
+Taub, His tox screens were clean.
+House, [voice] You lying sack of crap.
+Taub, I have them right in front of me.
+House, Not you. This time. My former BFF. [He looks over the balcony railing at the hospital lobby. Wilson and a Woman are walking in.] He's S-M-I-T-B-A-W-S. Stabbing me in the back as we speak.
+Adams, Where exactly are you?
+House," If anyone should happen to ask, I'm in an out-of-state medical conference until further notice."
+Adams, Why would any�
+Chase, And! don't really care. Auditory hallucinations and disorientation could be signs of sParkzophrenia.
+Taub, They did a psych consult. Mental status is normal.
+Park," Seizure, noise-induced epilepsy � the sound of rush hour traffic could have set it off."
+House," Run an E.E.G. Blast his brain with harmonics to find out. Also, if anyone should further happen to ask, I spent the whole last year in Africa with Doctors Without Boundaries."
+Adams, Who are you hiding from?
+House, Evil. [He takes a Vicodin.]
+Wilson, Where's House?
+Taub," Uh, he's at an out-of-state medical conference. In Baltimore, I think."
+Blythe," Nice to meet you. I'm Blythe, his mother."
+Melissa, Do you want me to pick up the Braille writer and laptop from your apartment?
+Will, I don't plan on being here that long. I didn't eat lunch yesterday. I pRobably just fainted.
+Park, [entering] Or had an epileptic seizure.
+Chase," [closing the door behind him] Which is only one possibility. I'm Doctor Chase. Uh, we'd like to discuss your case with you privately."
+Melissa, I'm his girlfriend. Is it all right if I stay for this?
+Will, Melissa can stay. And I've nEver had a seizure before in my life.
+Chase, They can be mild. Like a loss of concentration or a muscle tremor.
+Park," A lot of times a family member notices before the Patient does. I'm Doctor Park, by the way. I'm 5'2"", Asian, and I'm totally cool with it if you wanna feel my face."
+Melissa, Blind people only do that in movies.
+Will," But you sound nice, so if you want me to!"
+Chase," Her point was, you may not have realized you were having a seizure, but maybe your girlfriend has?"
+Melissa, No. But I-I haven't seen him for the last five months. We were on a break.
+Will," Like Rachel and Ross on Friends. NEver seen the show myself, but I hear it's good. That joke usually kills my blind friends."
+Melissa," Will, this is serious."
+Will," No, it's not. Since I don't have epilepsy. [to Chase and Park] I have to pay attention to Every signal my body sends or receives. Or I end up taking a dirt nap. You don't think I'd know if I was having seizures? It's pRobably just low blood sugar."
+Chase," If that's true, then you shouldn't have a pRoblem passing our test."
+Blythe," How is he, James, really?"
+Wilson, He's better than I've seen him in a long time.
+Blythe, Is he happy?
+Wilson, Uh!
+Blythe, It's okay. He's always been a compliCated Parkld.
+Wilson, Were you in the hospital recently?
+Blythe," Oh, nothing serious. I just had a few moles removed yesterday and forgot I Even had it on. [She puts her purse in her lap and looks for something inside. In the process, she shifts a book with ""Dealing!Terminal!""� on the back cover.] Look, if Greg happens to get back early from the conference, I'm staying at a hotel in town for the next three days. [She hands him a business card.] I would like him to call me."
+Wilson, I will pass it on.
+Blythe," Thank you. Um, do you think that they would mind if I got a refill for the road? [She holds up her soda cup.]"
+Wilson, Not at all.
+Blythe, Good.
+Adams, Not seeing any seizure activity in response to low frequency sounds. I'm starting him on mid-range.
+Taub, Have you seen his girlfriend? Extremely hot.
+Adams, Blind people can't have attractive girlfriends?
+Taub, Not my point. He actually convinced her to go for the whole relationship break thing.
+Adams, How do you know it wasn't her idea?
+Taub, Because she's back with him. Women suggest a break when they wanna break up. Men do it because they wanna have sex with other women before they settle down.
+Adams," They're a little young to get married, don't you think?"
+Taub, I was their age when I did. [She gives him a look.] I see your point.
+Adams, He's seizing. Sound frequency's at 300 hertz.
+Taub, It's not a seizure. He's not spiking on his E.E.G.
+Taub, He's not moving air. I think he's choking on something.
+Adams, Blood. I don't see any blockage.
+Taub, Help me move him.
+Adams, Just relax and breathe.
+Will, What-what are these?
+Taub, Three teeth detached from his jawbone and lodged in his throat. He almost choked to death on them.
+Chase, Environmental? Could be heavy metal poisoning or radiation exposure.
+Taub, Then he wouldn't be the only one. He's an accountant who works on the same floor with 50 other people.
+Park, Maybe his girlfriend poisoned him. [The others stare at her.] House usually thinks that's a good guess. And she's gotta be pissed off and have low self-esteem. Why else would she give him a free pass to pork other women?
+House, [voice] Because he's handicapped. Women feel sorry for us. This cane is tail bait.
+Adams, Where are you now?
+Chase, Expect an actual answer this time?
+Dominika," [voice] Hi, guys. Was wondering if House's mother left yet. He won't let me go to our hous�"
+House," [voice] It's not environmental, it's periodontitis."
+Chase, An oral infection doesn't explain his disorientation and auditory hallucinations.
+House, [voice] They're laughing because they know diabetes exacerbates the condition.
+Taub, It could progress to a systemic disease. The bacteria spread and affect other organs.
+House, [voice] Like his brain. Start him on broad-spectrum antibiotics and book him an appointment with a periodontist.
+Park," He has fake Parkldren now, too?"
+Dominika, You think I'm not good enough for your mother.
+House," Not in front of the kids, Honey. [A girl hands him a picture she drew. He studies it.] Hey, add a couple of flies, toss in a dead goat or two, we might have a winner. [She nods and takes the picture back as Wilson approaches.] She gone?"
+Wilson, Yeah. We really need to talk.
+House," Okay. [He puts down the video controller, stands and addresses the kids.] Crayons down. Line up if you wanna get paid. [The Parkldren, each carrying a drawing, move toward House who gives each one a dollar.] [to Wilson] It's the only time I Ever successfully lie to my mom; is through the elaborate preparations and props."
+House," Hey, hey, hey. I said no Transformers, Slick. [He grabs the dollar bill from the boy.] [to Dominika] Stay here until the coast is clear."
+Wilson, You sleeping with her now?
+House, Just in case an I.N.S. guy comes in through the window.
+Wilson, Oh.
+House," Yeah, she didn't buy it either."
+Wilson, You need to talk to your mother.
+House," When I'm ready. Still need to get a fake passport, doctored photos, maybe a case of AIDS."
+Wilson," She's sick, House."
+House, Did she say that?
+Wilson, She was wearing a hospital admission bracelet and carrying around a book on dealing with terminal cancer. [House thinks.] I'm sorry. [House dumps the Parkldren's pictures in the trash.] She's staying at the Grand for the next three days.
+Park, The antibiotics will stop the infection from spreading further.
+Taub," And I'll spare you the lecture you'll get from the periodontist tomorrow, but you need to practice better oral hygiene."
+Will," So are you guys saying this is happening because, what, I didn't floss enough?"
+Park," PRobably didn't help, but diabetics are prone to this type of infection."
+Melissa," [indulgently] Half the time, he doesn't Even bother getting undressed before he goes to bed. Can only imagine how Many times you've skipped brushing your teeth since we�[Will turns away.] Sorry. I don't mean to lecture you, babe."
+Will," Well, I guess you're right. Look, you haven't eaten anything all day. Why don't you go grab a bite? I'll be fine."
+Melissa," All right, well, I'll see you in an hour, okay?"
+Will," Not if I see you first. [She smiles, grabs her coat and leaves. Will talks to Taub and Park.] I was wondering if I could ask you guys for a favor. I really need my laptop and Braille writer, and I can't ask Melissa to get them for me."
+Taub, Why not?
+Will, Because! [reaches under his pillow and pulls out the ring box] I want you to put this someplace safe.
+Park, It's beautiful.
+Will, People always say diamonds are beautiful. But to me they just feel cold. They have really sharp edges.
+Park, I guess convincing her to take a break was a good thing.
+Will," Well, the break was her idea. Melissa's the only girl I've Ever dated. She wanted me to be sure before we! took the next step."
+Taub, Wow.
+Will, Yeah.
+Park, What are you doing?
+Taub, We're here. We might as well search the place in case we're wrong about periodontitis. [Park goes to the kitchen. Taub follows.] What are you doing?
+Park, We're here. Might as well eat.
+Taub, You're stealing food from a blind Man?
+Park, We're doing him a favor. He owes me.
+Taub, I take it from your low self-esteem theory you have some experience with relationship breaks? [She gives him a look.] What happened?
+Park," He talked me into it, then! slept with three of my friends. Then dumped my ass. College boyfriend. Thought he was the love of my life."
+Taub, Then why agree to a break?
+Park, My self-esteem wasn't as high back then.
+Taub, No one's is.
+Park, Ugh! [She races to the sink and spits it out.] Sugar free! [She drinks from the tap.] Ugh. Disgusting.
+Taub," I'll check the bathroom. You keep checking the snacks,"
+Blythe, Greg.
+House, Sorry I didn't call first. I just flew back from my conference.
+Blythe," Um, this�this really isn't, uh�"
+House, I need your medical records and the name of your primary physician.
+Blythe," Well, you remember Mr. Bell."
+House," Well, if I didn't, I will now. [minor epiphany] You're not dying?"
+Blythe," I, uh! I may have misled James by letting him see a book on cancer."
+Thomas," [We did, howEver, have some expectations that you might call first."
+Blythe," Yeah. This isn't how I envisioned you finding out. Mr. Bell and I, we're!"
+House, Having sex. Got it.
+Thomas, Getting married. Also.
+Blythe, We wanted you to be the first to know.
+Chase, I need 10 milligrams of benzodiazepine.
+Adams, Help me hold him down.
+Adams, I'm putting epilepsy back on the table.
+Chase, And I'm taking it off because it doesn't explain losing his teeth.
+Taub, The kid's diabetic. The periodontitis could be real but completely unrelated.
+Chase," Coincidence. Buying that, House?"
+House, Until I hear something that takes my mind off the Jurassic schlong that I was traumatized by this afternoon.
+Park, I know what's wrong with the Patient. Illegal drugs. Some kind of acid.
+Taub, His tox screens were clean.
+Park, His apartment wasn't.
+Taub, [surprised] We didn't find any drugs.
+Park," Then why am I completely tripping balls right now? I'm seriously freaking out here, guys. Can't you tell? [There's nothing to see. She's behaving normally, for her.]"
+Chase, You pretty much look the same as you always do.
+House, Take your glasses off. Pupils dilated! Pulse elevated. Hallucinating?
+Park," I think so, because! he's a rabbit."
+Park," Oh, I get it. Because she's his wife. [She holds her hand to the corner of her mouth and stage whispers, confidentially, to House.] They flirt a lot. I've seen things."
+Park," Mm, Taub� Taub is either! a tooth fairy or! Rainbow Brite."
+Park, And you! [laughs] you're just House.
+Taub, She ate ice cream and Gummi Bears at the Patient's apartment. One of 'em must have been dosed with it.
+House," Go back and find the drugs. You two, find out where he bought them, and then MRI his brain. Check for infections, masses, and plaques."
+Park," [worried, staring at her hands] Am I gonna die?"
+House, We'll get back to you on that.
+Will," I've been blind since birth. I thought maybe if I tried LSD, I might, you know! Colors! a shape. I just-I just wanted to see something."
+Chase, How Many times?
+Will, Maybe five or six.
+Chase, We need to know where you bought it so we can find out what was in it.
+Will, My girlfriend gave it to me.
+Adams, I'll find her. [starts to leave]
+Will," No, don't. It-it wasn't Melissa. I met someone else."
+Adams," When were you planning on telling her that, before or after you ask her to marry you?"
+Will," The ring isn't for her. We were on a break. She wanted me to see what else was out there, and I did. I was gonna tell her the other night, but I ended up here instead."
+Chase, We just need to talk to the one who supplied the drugs.
+Will, She's on vacation with her parents. This is her cell. [He pulls up her number on his Braille writer. Chase copies it.] I don't want her to know I'm in the hospital. She'll only freak out.
+Adams, [sarcastic] That's very considerate of you.
+Will, You think this is easy for me. I know I have to tell Melissa.
+Adams," Well, what's stopping you?"
+Will, She's still one of my best friends. And I don't want to be alone in here.
+Wilson, Have you seen your mother yet?
+House, [taking notes from his computer screen] She's not dying. She was having sex with my father. [Park snorts a laugh.] Ignore her. She's on acid.
+Wilson," Your father's dead, House."
+House," Not the dead dad, the biological dad. The one I pointed out to you at fake father's funeral. [Thomas does look a bit like Sean Connery, if you squint.]"
+Wilson, Huh. Are you sure? Your only evidence is that birthmark you saw when you were 12.
+House," Well, now I've seen two. Good news is, I won't technically be a bastard much longer. We're gonna be one big, crappy family."
+Wilson," Well, that's-that's great news. Your mother won't be alone anymore, and you can finally get to know the guy."
+House," Yes, that is one option. [His tone says otherwise.]"
+Wilson, Are you saying you're not Even curious? You want to know what I think?
+House, I think you know the answer to that question.
+Wilson, You avoid your mother because she's the one person whose opinion you actually care about.
+House," If that was true, you'd have Every reason to shut up. I avoid my mother because she's boring."
+Wilson, That's why you've been so open and honest about prison and marrying a complete stranger.
+House," Even if I care what she thinks, why would I care what some sperm donor does?"
+Wilson, You read the guy's book about three times.
+House, Years ago. It took three times because it was so badly written.
+Park," [laughs] Oh, I get it. The second birthmark was on his penis, right?"
+Adams, He's a dick.
+Chase, You've been working for House for months and just now realized that disabled people can also be dicks?
+Adams, What he's doing now to that girl isn't fair.
+Chase, The break was her idea.
+Adams, And now she thinks they're back together.
+Chase," He's a scared, sick, blind kid who doesn't want to be alone. You really don't get that?"
+Adams," I do, but!"
+Chase, What is it?
+Adams, Not good news for him! or Park.
+Adams, Where's Park?
+House, Wilson's babysitting her. Talking about the fact that she could have perManent brain damage might bum her trip out a little bit.
+Chase, A dark spot doesn't necessarily equal brain damage. It could be a congenital malformation connected with his blindness or a tumor.
+House, A clot.
+Chase," Exactly. We need to do another scan, but inject dye and figure out�"
+House," I said ""a clot,"" not ""or a clot."" It's a clot. Cerebral venous sinus thrombosis."
+Adams, Good news for Park. I've nEver seen one present this large before.
+Taub," It fits. When it was smaller, it caused his initial disorientation and hallucinations. As it grew larger, the seizures."
+Chase," If left untreated, it leads to cerebral edema and death. But what causes that and tooth loss?"
+Adams, Any hyper-coagulable state. Lupus?
+House, I counter your lupus with Behcet's syndrome.
+Taub," No, he doesn't have any of the earlier symptoms � color blindness, abnormal visual fields or� We've been ignoring his eyes because he's blind."
+House," Well, if he wasn't before, he would be by now. Confirm with an eye exam, start treatment with heparin for the clot. Interferon and steroids for the Behcet's."
+Wilson," No, no!"
+Park, Give me back my teeth!
+Wilson," Park, listen. Park�"
+Park, You're a tooth thief!
+Wilson," No, no, no. Stop it, stop it! Ki-ki-ki! Back on the couch."
+Blythe, What are you doing to this poor girl?
+Wilson, It's not what it looks like. She� Oh! [She hit him with a pillow.] She's tripping on acid.
+Thomas," Good lord, Man, that's no way to treat a bad trip. Put the chair down. You'll end up hurting the poor wee thing. There you are. [Wilson puts the chair down. Thomas walks slowly and calmly toward Park.] Hello, darlin'. I'm Thomas, and this beautiful creature here is Blythe. Is there anything we can do to help you?"
+Park, [standing on the couch] That rabbit stole my teeth.
+Thomas," Of course he did, but I'll tell you what he's done. He's put them back again, and they're twice as nice as they used to be. You can feel them if you like. [She does, tentatively.] See? Now, why don't we sit on this nice comfy couch, have a nice cool drink and talk all about it. Would you like that?"
+Blythe," [to Wilson] He's had some experience with things like this, back in the day."
+Thomas," As I recall, both of us�"
+Blythe," Uh, not the time or the place, dear."
+Thomas, There you are. See? There you are.
+Wilson, There's no way that guy's related to you. [leaves]
+Chase," There's fresh scarring and swelling in both fundi, and a bleed on the left. House was right. It's Behcet's syndrome."
+Will," Give it to me straight, Doc. Am I Ever gonna see again?"
+Chase, That's a little out of our jurisdiction. We need to wrap a dressing over your eyes to keep the light out.
+Will, It's not really a pRoblem for me.
+Chase," You might not see it, but your tissue does. It'll also help with the swelling. I'll leave you in Dr. Adams' capable hands. [leaves]"
+Will," You think I'm an ass, don't you? I can tell by your breathing. Either you're angry or fat."
+Adams, [applying the bandage to Will's eyes] I think it's unfair that you're leading on a Woman who obviously loves and cares about you.
+Will, I love and care about her too. But we just don't work together as a couple.
+Adams, You need to tell her that.
+Will, I'm going to. But I just want to do it the right way. I don't want her to hate me.
+Adams," When she finds out you bought an engagement ring for another Woman, that option is out the window."
+Will, It was gonna be for her.
+Adams, What changed?
+Will, She told me we were going on a break. I didn't Even get a say in the matter.
+Adams, She wanted you to be sure about your relationship. I can see how that would be annoying.
+Will," I think I liked it better when you were just breathing angrily. She still sees me as the same sheltered, blind geek she met in college. Most of the time she acts more like my mother than my girlfriend. I asked her to marry me. She tells me I need to date somebody else first. I'd rather she just dumped me. At least that I can understand."
+Adams, So you were hurt so much you had to marry the next Woman you met?
+Will," Julie doesn't see me as I was, but for who I am now. She trusts me to make my own decisions and to help her with hers. For the first time in my life, I have somebody who needs me! instead of the other way around."
+Blythe," Ah, she finally fell asleep. I think she'll be fine in a couple of hours."
+House, How do you know about handling a bad acid trip? Friends in your gardening club been experimenting again?
+Blythe, I was young once. [There is laughter from the conference room. Thomas is in there with Wilson looking at a book.] A little scrapbook that Thomas threw together. He Even has a couple of pictures of you as a Parkld.
+Thomas," And I've known Greg almost since he was born, you know. His father and I were like brothers. I was a Navy chaplain in those days. I left the service in the late '60s. I don't think his dad Ever forgave me for protesting the war. [He turns the page. There's a picture of young Thomas and Blythe at a protest rally.] Of course, if he knew I'd got Blythe involved!"
+House, You protested the war? When?
+Blythe, You were a Parkld. I didn't share my entire schedule with you.
+Thomas," Well we knew if we told you, you'd tell him, and he'd kill us both. He was a marine. It was the ultimate betrayal."
+House, Penultimate.
+Blythe," Sweetheart, I think we need to get back to the hotel."
+Thomas," Wilson, it's been a real pleasure. [He turns to Greg who pointedly does not take his hand.] You're right. Much too formal. Come here, lad. [He pulls House into a hug and pats his back a couple of times. House stands there, impassive.] We're practically family now."
+Blythe, We'll see you boys tonight.
+Wilson," 8:00 sharp. [They leave. House stares at Wilson, totally confused about Everything that's been going on.] I invited them out to dinner. Told them it was your idea."
+Melissa," Straw. I know we agreed that whatEver happened on break would stay on break, and I don't expect you to talk about yours. But I just want you to know that there was no one else. [Will clears his throat.] I missed you so much, I barely Even saw my own friends. I'm just so glad it's finally over. [Will coughs a couple of times with his mouth closed.] Are you okay? [He opens his mouth and coughs blood. A nurse enters and pulls on gloves.] What's happening to him?"
+Melissa, Is he going to be okay?
+Taub, I'm going to need to discuss that with my colleagues.
+Will, We have to talk.
+Melissa," No, you need to rest."
+Will, I have to tell you about! about what happened on break.
+Melissa, Later. You just lie back and relax�
+Will," Stop it, Melissa! Just stop telling me what I need, and listen for once, okay?"
+Adams, How are you feeling?
+Park, Embarrassed. I'm still not sure what was real or what I hallucinated. Did you try to kiss me? [Adams shakes her head.] What about you? [Chase frowns.]
+Taub, He's stabilized for the moment.
+Adams, Coughing up blood. That doesn't really change anything. Hemoptysis is a symptom of Behcet's.
+Taub," Except our treatment should make him better, not worse."
+Park," It could be doing both. Our treatment breaks down his clot in his head, like it's supposed to, except a piece broke off and traveled to one of his arteries in his lungs. If anything, we need to increase the heparin to prEvent further clots from forming."
+Adams," If we do that and he starts hemorrhaging, we won't be able to stop the bleeding."
+House," If we don't do that, the next clot could cause a heart attack or a stroke. Park's way, he at least has a shot at living. CT his lungs to confirm, and up the dose."
+Taub, She's young and hot. She'll bounce back.
+Park, Eighty-two pounds. [They all look at her.] How much weight I put on when my break ended the same way. People were calling me Park-ing-lot.
+Thomas, Hmm! Almost 9:00. I think your boy is gonna stand us up.
+Blythe," No, no, he'll be here."
+Thomas," Practically walked in on us having sex. God, if I saw my mother doing that, I'd claw my own eyes out. Of course, she was nowhere near as attractive as you. Horribly fat, as a matter of fact."
+House," Mother! Guy sleeping with my mother, this is Dominika, my wife."
+Dominika," It's so nice to be meeting you. And Gregory tells me that you were born in Richmond, Virginia, and your father was a tailor who stole from his clients."
+House, James has persuaded me of the value of openness and honesty in relationships.
+Adams," We see people with disabilities all the time, but! seeing and understanding aren't always the same thing."
+Chase, [looks around to see who else is there] Are you talking to me or writing a Facebook post?
+Adams," I'm saying we should have picked up on the degeneration in his eyes sooner. We ignored them because we assumed they weren't Even part of the equation. I also realized, intellectually, I may understand what it means to be disabled, but emotionally, I didn't have a clue. Apparently, his girlfriend didn't either."
+Chase, So you're back on his side?
+Adams," It's not a side. It's a perspective. He just wants to be treated like an adult, make his own decisions. I may not agree with all of them, but how the hell can I Judge him?"
+Chase," I'm sure that's exactly what disabled people want, to be treated like completely foreign entities, incapable of being Judged and understood. [looks at the monitor] Park was right about the clot. Hopefully the anticoagulants keep it from killing him."
+House," So! she gets the couch on the odd nights, and I get the bed on Evens. In exchange for a federal felony, she gets a green card, and I get a live-in maid. [He smiles.]"
+Thomas, Good for you. The immigration policy in this country is a travesty. It forces people to lie just so nice people can stay here.
+Dominika, Thank you! Dad.
+House, I'm grateful you approve. [He hunches his shoulders slightly as he steels himself for this next one] You should also know that I was not in Africa the last year.
+Blythe, [nods] You were in jail. [House looks shocked.] I've been reading the Princeton police blotter Ever since you moved here. [Wilson's surprise turns to admiration as he realizes he underestimated Blythe.] And I'm afraid I haven't been truthful with you either. And I've wanted to tell you this for a very long time. Thomas and I! we got married two months after your father passed away.
+House, [uninterested] Uh-huh.
+Thomas," You understand, we didn't want you to think we were disrespecting the memory of your father."
+House, And! is there another secret that you want to share with me?
+Blythe, [looks fondly at Thomas] No.
+House, There's nothing you think might be relevant to my life?
+Thomas, Like! what?
+House," I don't know. Just off the top of my head, something like I DNA-tested my dad and found that he was not my biological father � you are."
+Thomas, [laughs] That's impossible.
+House, People lie. Birthmarks don't.
+Thomas," [looking] Oh, my God! You told me he was a premie. This bloody lunatic is my son!"
+Blythe, He's not a lunatic.
+Thomas, All those years you could have told me. I could have done things. That could have made a difference in the boy's life.
+Wilson, I think we should all just calm down.
+Thomas," Look at him sitting there � a pill-popping sociopath! If you wanted to screw up his life, you couldn't have done it better."
+House," He's got you there, mom."
+Blythe," He's one of the most well-respected doctors in the world. He's saved more lives than you can count. Now, you apologize to him, or I swear, you will nEver see me again, Thomas."
+Thomas," I can't deal with this anymore. He's my son? I'm having a bloody breath of fresh air, that's what I'm doing. [leaves]"
+House," So, who's for dessert?"
+Will, Somebody help me! Uhh! Somebody�
+Adams, [entering] Will? It's Dr. Adams and Dr. Chase. We just need to know�
+Will, My eyes! My eyes! It feels like it's on fire!
+Chase, It's not Behcet's. It doesn't necrotize tissue like this. I think it's streptococcus pyogenes.
+Adams, Except we've already treated him with broad-spectrum antibiotics. It shouldn't be spreading. It should be dying.
+Chase, Just means it's drug-resistant. We need to remove what's left of his eyes before the gangrene sets in.
+Adams, It's something that looks and acts like a bacteria but isn't one. Could be viral.
+Taub," No, it couldn't. No evidence of viral markers in the necrotized tissue."
+House," Let me see that image you took last night of the clot in his lung. [Taub turns a portable light box toward House and turns it on.] That's not a piece of the clot from his brain. That's the point of infection. Mucormycosis. He breathed in the spores, it's been growing and spreading Ever since."
+Chase, A fungal infection spreading this fast?
+House, Kid's a diabetic. He already has a compromised immune system.
+Park, He's right. This sample from his eyes is crawling with it.
+House, Treat with amphotericin B.
+Adams," We treated him with gentamicin when we thought it was bacterial, which means the dose of amphotericin B we'll need to cure him will pRobably leave him deaf."
+House," Sorry, I stopped listening after you said ""the dose we'll need to cure him."""
+Will, Blind and deaf? I'd rather be dead.
+Adams, You will be.
+Will, I can live with that. You nEver did get my humor.
+Adams, There's a chance your hearing won't be completely gone.
+Will, How much of a chance?
+Adams, A small one. But a chance.
+Will, I'm-I'm refusing treatment. You don't know how hard things are already for me. I can't handle any more. I can't.
+Thomas," Oh, hi. I'm here to apologize. I could have handled the news with more! aplomb? I have a son. That's great news."
+House, What else did she tell you to say?
+Thomas," You're not a lunatic, you're not a mistake."
+House, I nEver liked your friend! my father.
+Thomas," Well, he could be a bit intense at times."
+House," But unlike you, I did respect him."
+Thomas," Do you respect your mother? [House pauses, then drops his head, refusing to make eye contact.] Well, we do have that in common. And we all love her. So we don't have much choice, do we? Son, see you at dinner. [leaves]"
+Melissa," Will, it's me."
+Will, Let me guess. The doctor who thinks I'm an ass wants you to convince me to live.
+Melissa, Yes.
+Will, It won't work.
+Melissa, I know. So I won't.
+Will, Wow. You're that angry?
+Melissa, I've made enough decisions for you. This is your life.
+Will, Why'd you come back?
+Melissa, Because I love you. And I want to be with you for as long as I can.
+Will," Melissa, I'm so scared."
+Melissa, Me too. I'll always love you.
+Will, Even if I was deaf?
+Melissa, Even if anything.
+Melissa, Is it working?
+Adams," He's still very ill, but if he keeps responding the way he has been, he should be fine."
+Melissa, And his hearing?
+Adams, It's gone. We don't know yet if it'll be perManent.
+Melissa, Melissa? Is that you?
+Adams," We've been squeezing his hand, once for yes, twice for no."
+Will," Can I ask you something? I completely understand if you squeeze no. Wh-will you marry me? [Her eyes widen. She takes both hands off his and steps back from the bed.] Don't leave me hanging, now."
+Melissa," Yes. Yes! Of course, yes!"
+Will," I-I heard that. You said yes, right?"
+Melissa, Yes!
+Will, You said y�
+House, How long are you gonna wait until you tell me?
+Wilson, I thought we already had the Santa Claus talk.
+House, You don't think I saw you steal Thomas' fork from the restaurant?
+Wilson, Why would I do that?
+House, For his DNA.
+Wilson, That's! that's! [gives up trying to bluff] very observant of you.
+House," See, you're more me than you pretend. You had to know for sure. So you needed proof. The fact that you haven't told me can only mean!"
+Wilson, He isn't your father either. I'm sorry.
+House, You know what that means.
+Wilson, Your mom's a slut.
+House, That! and! she's not as boring as I thought she was.
+Airport loudspeaker," (heard in the background) Attention, passengers!"
+Joni, (to Evan) You have to lift up the sign so he can see it.
+Joni, Evan.
+Hayes," Hey, buddy. Aren't you excited to see your Uncle Brant?"
+Evan, No.
+Hayes," No? I think you are. I think something else is making you upset. You know I'm leaving soon, and it's okay to be upset about that, but, hey, do you remember what I told you when we were watParkng wrestling on Saturday night?"
+Evan, Yeah. That you and Uncle Brant are like the Reaper Brothers.
+Hayes," That's right. And Uncle Brant has been in the ring a whole year. Now it's time for daddy to tag in. But while I'm away, I need you in your Uncle's corner, making sure he keeps you and your mom safe. Can you help me with that? (Evan nods) Good. Now let's get ready with that sign."
+Airport loudspeaker," (in the background) Attention, ladies and gentlemen, we are now boarding at Gate 47."
+Hayes, (to Evan) Now. (Evan holds up the sign)
+Hayes," Brant, what happened?"
+MP, Captain please step aside.
+Hayes," Sir, this is my brother. What's going on?"
+MP, Pfc Macklin has been charged with treason.
+Hayes," Oh, so there's got to be some mistake."
+Brant, I'm sorry.
+Hayes, Brant! Brant! Brant!
+Adams," Army apparently thought they were clearing an insurgent hideout. After this was leaked on Saturday, the A.P. investigated."
+Adams, 34 civilian casualties. Six kids.
+Foreman," There will be MPs stationed at Every entrance to the second floor, as well as outside his Patient room."
+House," No. Don't do that. Every time there's people in uniform in the cafeteria, they get served first."
+Foreman," Make sure your IDs are clearly visible. I'll speak with the cafeteria staff about showing more disrespect. 20 year-old male, generalized tonic-clonic seizures. Army Docs scanned for structural abnormalities. EEG was normal. So was�"
+House, Do you need me to sign for this?
+Foreman, Let me know if you need anything. Like a transfer.
+Chase, Typhus?
+House, Patient has no hair. PRobably means no lice.
+Adams, LeishManiasis.
+Park, No fEver. Why couldn't they take care of him at a military hospital?
+House, I think because they wanted to annoy you. Any other conscientious objectors?
+Park," So, I'm the only one who has a pRoblem when someone whose duty's to protect our country blowing�"
+House," Blowing the whistle is honorable precisely because it's not dutiful. Sorry, you said blowing. Maybe you were going somewhere else with that."
+Park, He's a coward.
+Adams, He risked his freedom.
+Park, He anonymously downloaded a computer file from a secure page and uploaded it to an unsecure page. Not exactly storming Omaha Beach. The EEG was normal because he was faking it to avoid going to prison.
+House, Let's treat him with not medicine.
+Adams, (reaParkng for the pills) Give those back.
+House, Why? You got 28. You can share.
+Adams, Something's going on with House. He just seemed off. Didn't Even notice that I walked out of the room with this. (She holds up House's red coffee mug)
+Chase, You began to suspect he was off when he didn't notice the mug you stole to see if he was off? What else didn't he notice that you don't want us to notice?
+Park, (pointing) Those are the same clothes you wore yesterday.
+Taub, And you got very defensive when House took your birth control.
+Chase, Who was he? Or better yet! she?
+Adams, Do I need to explain the physiology behind birth control? Attention deficit in a Man who has no attention deficits has to be symptomatic of something.
+Taub," You're right. I'm thinking either massive brain tumor, or his soap got canceled and he's distracted."
+Adams, Could be dietary. Refsum.
+Park, Or maybe he thinks you just have more than one non-descript white blouse.
+Adams, Or serotonin syndrome. I'm not saying he's definitely sick. I'm just saying we should look into it.
+Chase," No, we shouldn't. If you beliEve House is sick, it's only because that's what he wants you to beliEve."
+Park, (to Adams) Let's go.
+Adams, (pouring water from a pitcher into a glass) We think the long flight home allowed clots to form in your leg.
+Adams," Take this pill. (Brant swallows the pill) If you feel any numbness in your leg after a few minutes, it means we're right and you should get comfortable, because you're gonna be here for a while."
+Park," (to Brant) While we wait, can you tell me why?"
+Brant, It was the right thing to do.
+Park, There are reports that insurgents are using your video to recruit new members.
+Brant, Making the voting public aware of what's really happening on the ground will help bring our troops home faster. (Hayes grunts) My brother's grunt means he disagrees.
+Hayes," I think you're being naive. And I know you took an oath. If you want to influence policy, run for office."
+Brant, Dad raised us to beliEve that exposing the truth is honorable. Hayes likes to follow the rules.
+Hayes," Yeah, because that's what Dad taught us was honorable. You were ten when he died. You couldn't possibly have any idea�"
+Brant," if Dad always beliEved in blindly following the rules, how do you explain Tora Bora? (to Park and Adams) My dad was comManding a Special Forces unit. He lost communication with his men. They were assumed dead. He was ordered to abandon them and focus on the primary mission. He disobeyed that order, went and found his men still alive, and fighting. He saved their lives."
+Adams," Did he die in service? If it was something genetic, it could help us."
+Hayes, It won't help. It was a one-car accident.
+Brant, That's the army's official story. My brother's naïve on this and! I can't feel my leg.
+Adams, I'll get the discharge papers.
+Brant, I have a blood clot.
+Park," No, you don't. We gave you a placebo to see if you'd fake another symptom to delay going to prison."
+Hayes, Wait a second. He's not faking.
+Park, Because that's not the way your Dad raised him?
+Hayes, Yes.
+Brant, My stomach hurts too. What's going on?
+Adams, He's not faking.
+Chase, Just because he's got abdominal bruising doesn't mean he wasn't faking the numbness.
+Adams," He's not contesting the treason charges. If his code of honor is that strong, he's not gonna bother faking symptoms."
+House, (tossing the Tic Tacs onto the table) Pleading guilty is not honorable. It's just stupid.
+Adams, A distal esophageal rupture can lead to compartment syndrome in his thigh � explains both symptoms.
+Taub, No pain when he swallows.
+House, What is honor? Dying for your country? Getting straight As? Killing your daughter because she had the audacity to get raped?
+Taub, Ruptured triple-A.
+Park, Doesn't explain the seizures.
+Chase, Pancreatitis. Gallstones obstructing his pancreatic duct.
+House, (getting up and going to the minifridge) People define honor as whatEver makes them feel honorable. It's a circle going nowhere. Which I guess is what circles do.
+Taub, We'll ultrasound his belly and look for the obstruction.
+Adams, (holding out a paper to House) I need your signature on this order. The Army's leaning on Foreman to make sure this is done by the book.
+House, Didn't need an order for his last treatment.
+Adams, This last treatment wasn't a treatment.
+House, Forge it.
+Adams, I will. From now on. But I need the original so I know what to forge.
+Gloria, We were having coffee when the dizziness started.
+Wilson, Business meeting?
+Mel, Date. Our first. We met at the 98 Cent store.
+Gloria, We were reaParkng for the same tube of cheese.
+Wilson, Huh.
+Adams, I'm sorry.
+Wilson, Yeah.
+Adams, I need to talk to you.
+Wilson, Just about done.
+Wilson," Good news, based on her thrifty shopping habits and taste for artificial dairy she's clearly not a gold digger. Bad news, based on his rhinotillexoMania, he is. Compulsive addiction to nose-picking. A small cut on the inside of the left nostril led to an infection in the cavernous sinus."
+Gloria," It was very nice meeting you, Mel. (She heads for the exam room door)"
+Mel," It's not true. Gloria, wait, I can change."
+Adams, (holding up some papers as Wilson strips off his gloves) My PPTH contract. House signed it six months ago. He signed this today. (She holds up the treatment order House signed)
+Adams," His hands are unsteady. Given his Vicodin abuse, I think he has hepatic encephalopathy. He's been forgetful, inattentive."
+Wilson, Dominika's been trying out new knish recipes. One of them didn't agree with him. A little sleep deprivation could account for his forgetfulness and inattention. He loads up on caffeine. That explains a jittery hand.
+Adams," Maybe. But if I'm right, his liver's in decline. It's curable, but if he doesn't get treatment, it could actually be fatal."
+Wilson, This happens all the time. One of the symptoms of working for House � you start seeing zebras Everywhere. There's nothing wrong with him.
+Wilson, House.
+House, Shh. I'm with a Patient.
+House, Sleep study.
+Wilson, (picking up a pill bottle and reading the label) You drugged him?
+House, (looking at Wilson) I didn't say the study was voluntary.
+Wilson, (putting his hands on his hips) I think you're sick.
+House," What, 'cause I'm sleeping in the clinic like I always do?"
+Wilson, Slow reaction time.
+House, Because I just woke up from sleeping in the clinic like I always do.
+Wilson, You're forgetful.
+House, Sorry. What did you say?
+Wilson, You forgot that we were supposed to have lunch.
+House," I didn't forget. I was sleeping, in the clinic�"
+Wilson, I'd like to run some tests.
+House, For what? Where's this coming from?
+Wilson, Hepatic encephalopathy. I've watched you destroy your body with Vicodin for years. I'm surprised your liver's lasted this long. I'll do the examination myself.
+House," While having you juggle my jewels sounds interesting, there's no such thing as friends with benefits. It always gets weird."
+Chase, Your friends out there are getting a little handsy.
+Brant," Get enough death threats, Eventually they start taking them seriously."
+Hayes, A convoy was hit outside of Kunar Province. Eight American soldiers were killed.
+Brant, Army spokesperson's claiming that it's rEvenge for the attack that I made public. Better me take the blame than them.
+Park, You don't think you're to blame at all?
+Brant, And you do. Like Everyone else. A strike like that would take more than three days to plan.
+Hayes, So the next one might be your fault?
+Chase," Lateral view looks good. If you have such a negative opinion of the army, why did you enlist?"
+Brant, I needed to find out what really happened to my dad. There were two redacted pages in his service record. Going into intelligence was the quickest way to up my security clearance.
+Chase, Then why would you leak that video?
+Brant," Part of my job was to grab a cup of tea with the locals. The face time is supposed to make them more likely to trust us with sensitive information, but they became my friends. If there was another attack, civilian casualties, and I had done nothing!"
+Park," Your spleen, it's enlarged. We should do a biopsy and look for any�"
+Chase," (looking at Brant's catheter bag, which contains red urine) He's got urinary bleeding."
+Park, (who notices that he is bleeding at the IV site on his hand) Not just urinary.
+Chase, Call the blood bank.
+Hayes, What's happening to him?
+Chase, His spleen must be sequestering platelets.
+Park, He's bleeding too fast to wait for a platelet infusion.
+Chase, We need to squeeze his spleen to release the ones he's got. Tell the O.R. we're on our way.
+Taub, Pressure's dropping.
+Chase, Almost there.
+Taub," BP's 70 over 40, and he's hypovolemic."
+Adams, Pressure's rising.
+Taub, And he's starting to clot.
+Chase, Good news is we can control the bleeding. Bad news is! Bleeding's not the pRoblem. Unless spleens are supposed to be lumpy.
+Adams," He's clotting, but CT confirms splenic nodules."
+Taub," No, I don't."
+House, You're forfeiting? 'Cause if you can't play the game and work!
+Taub, Extramedullary hematopoiesis.
+Park, No history of anemia.
+House, She's right. You're an idiot. Try again.
+Taub," Where I come from, this is called cheating."
+House, Where's that? Stickford-upon-anus?
+Taub, TB.
+Chase, PPD's negative. Could be bru�
+House, Don't interrupt Dr. Taub.
+Taub, Brucellosis. (to House about the game they are playing) You just took out a family of four.
+House," They were clearly armed insurgents, and anyone who claims or proves otherwise is a traitor. No rash or back pain."
+Adams," You defend the Patient for being a whistleblower, then attack him for being an honorable whistleblower. Now you defend him for being a maligned, honorable whistleblower?"
+House," Adjectives matter. Hate nurses, love naughty nurses. Taub, pitch again."
+Taub, I've pitched like five�
+House, It's your turn.
+Taub, Lymphoma.
+Adams," If cancer caused his seizures, we would have seen cerebral masses on his head CT."
+Taub, (referring to the game) Yes!
+House," Taub, pitch again. Now."
+Taub, (talking fast) The nodules in his spleen were granulomas. He's got sarcoidosis!
+House, Someone tell him he's wrong.
+Chase," Sorry, House. Sarcoid does explain the seizures."
+Park, And the bruises.
+Taub," (loudly) Say bye-bye, House."
+Taub, (jumping up jubilantly) Yes! Yes!
+House," (plopping down on the couch) Sarcoidosis it is. Treat with steroids. Then come right back here, 'cause I'm not gonna rest until I've made orphans of all your virtual Parkldren."
+Adams, House nEver loses.
+Taub, Seriously? Me beating House is medically significant?
+Park, It could be. Reduced fine motor control. Add that to inattention and liver flap. It does make sense.
+Adams, We have to talk to Foreman.
+Taub," No, we don't. First of all, because I can beat him in that game. And, second, Even if you are right, there's no reason to beliEve that House's medical judgment is impaired."
+Adams, So we should wait until he kills someone for confirmation?
+Chase," You really think it's a coincidence that we're treating a whistleblower and now talking about blowing the whistle on House? You're right. Playing dumb, messy signature, losing a video game � it's way too compliCated to fake."
+Brant, No. I won't take it.
+Taub," Without this injection, you could have a fatal arrhythmia."
+Brant, Tell Major Mathewson that I'm not taking any more treatment until they give me a live television interview.
+Hayes, You can't really think they'll agree to that.
+Brant, People need to know the tape's not the reason for that attack. They need to know why I did this.
+Taub," The people who think you're a traitor will still think you're a traitor, and the people who think you're a hero will still think you're a hero."
+Brant, The truth makes a difference.
+Hayes," If Dad were here, he'd be begging for you not to do this."
+Brant," If Dad were here, he'd be proud of me."
+Taub, The conspiracy theorists are gonna go nuts if the Patient dies.
+Foreman," I told him that, and he told me that option is still less damaging than giving the kid a national platform."
+Hayes, So what do we do now?
+Taub, You explain to your brother that he overplayed his hand.
+Hayes, That won't make any difference. The idiot thinks he's doing the right thing.
+Chase, What if we convinced a court that his refusal is part of an underlying psyParkatric disorder? They assign a conservator. We do what we want.
+Foreman, Fraud. Great.
+Chase, Narcissistic personality disorder. Both the leaking of the tape and the refusal of treatment indiCate that he has no fear of consequences.
+Foreman," So instead of defrauding the court, you'll waste their time? No way a Judge classifies a personality disorder as a mental illness."
+Taub," If a decorated military Officer, who happened to be the Patient's brother, corRoborates, they might."
+Hayes, So you want me to sign a piece of paper that says my brother is crazy for doing what he thinks is right?
+Taub, I want you to save his life. His heart could go at any time.
+Hayes," He's a fool, but he's not crazy."
+Chase," The Patient was refusing treatment because of honor, and his brother is refusing to be his conservator because of honor."
+House," Oh, good. Taub's cured the Patient."
+Taub, I had to go to the bathroom.
+House, Bathroom's that way. You just ran in from that way.
+Taub, That one's been out of order for two days. I had to go up to the third floor.
+Taub, I'm not lying. It's out of order.
+House, I beliEve you. I'm gonna fix it.
+Chase, We could treat if he doesn't know he's being treated. Lace his sponge bath?
+Park, It would take too long to reach his bloodstream.
+Adams, What if we aerosolize steroids and blast the room?
+House, Speaking of which!
+House, It'd be too hard to get the prednisone concentrations right. No one fixes anything unless they have a compelling reason.
+House," If we're gonna treat, we have to give him a compelling reason, something that he wants more than an interview. (loudly) Fire in the hole!"
+Chase," A signed order from Major Mathewson. They've agreed to declassify the redacted pages from your father's service record. In two days, you'll have all your answers."
+Taub, But the only way you'll live long enough to get the truth is by accepting treatment.
+Brant, I don't trust the Army to follow through on this.
+Hayes, But you trust me. I'll make sure those pages get here.
+Brant, (handing the file to Hayes) Okay. (He allows Taub and Chase to treat him)
+Chase," Selfishness is apparently honorable now. He wanted to create change. Instead, he's just satisfying his own curiosity."
+Taub," He's getting the truth. Most he could hope for. I need to take a dump. Specifically, House's dump."
+Adams, You set this up?
+Taub, All it took was showing up two minutes late and a $2.00 sign. (He turns away from the microscope) Bile deposits are irregular. House's liver is failing.
+Chase, Cognitive impairment will get progressively worse.
+Taub, What's going on?
+Brant, My foot. It's killing me.
+Adams, It's completely cyanotic. This isn't sarcoidosis.
+House, Cholesterol embolization.
+Park, Are you Even gonna acknowledge what we just told you?
+House," That you pilfered my poo-poo? Yeah, I was thinking, it would be less awkward for all of us if we could just pretend that nEver happened."
+Adams, It's not an embolization. No instrumentation inside the arteries.
+House, Thank you for getting us back�
+Adams," And if we start you on treatment now, get you off Vicodin�"
+House," What's the opposite of ""thank you""? I'm pretty sure it ends in ""you"". I know my body. I'm fine. Methemoglobinemia."
+Chase, Army tests for GPD deficiency.
+Chase," If you're not sick, then our test, accurate 99.5% of the time, yielded a false positive, three separate times. The odds of that are in 1 in 8 million."
+House, The test is accurate. The diagnosis isn't. Sample was obviously contaminated with other foods interacting with my liver enzymes. Now could we talk about the sick Patient?
+Park," His clot dissolved. That could have caused the vasospasm. D.I.C. could have been caused by Bernard Soulier syndrome. And, you're sick, and, you have to do something about it."
+Adams, If we had a Patient file with the same symptoms you're exhibiting!
+House," And the symptoms I'm not exhibiting? Jaundice, ascites, fetor hepaticus."
+Taub, We can't tell if your breath stinks because you've been popping mints like they're Vicodin.
+Chase, You'd still diagnose hepatic encephalopathy. I know that because four doctors you trained have unanimously diagnosed you with hepatic encephalopathy.
+House, Park's right. Treat the Patient with Heparin.
+Adams, We'll have a stronger argument if we go to Foreman as a united front.
+Chase," We'll have a stronger argument if we have an argument. If House is sick, it's his business, not Foreman's."
+Taub," Foreman's business is to make sure his doctors are able to do their jobs, that lives aren't put at risk."
+Chase," Telling Foreman will put lives at risk. We tell Foreman, House either agrees to treatment or get suspended, which means House gets suspended. And considering House at 90% is better than any other doctor at this hospital at 100%, that means our Patients get a lower standard of care."
+Park," House could be at 90%, he could be at 60%, we don't know."
+Chase," And until we do, there's no reason to do anything more than what we've done."
+House," Blurry vision! headache, a bit of nausea, and dizziness. I am com-pletely baffled."
+College Kid, I only had eight beers. Sophomore class pong tournament's in a week. I'm working on my tolerance.
+House, Hop on one foot and sing the iCarly theme song. Like you don't know it.
+House," Damn it, Man. Can't you see I'm doctoring?"
+House," If you want to talk to me, you can buy me a sandwich in an hour."
+Wilson, Or I could just hover here until you're done.
+House," Heard enough. Just nEver could figure out the ""breathe air"" part. Next year, stick to whiskey. Or at least stay away from week-old green beers. A lot less likely to contain tartrazine-laced green food dyes for which you apparently have an intolerance. Once you break the seal, it'll be out of your system in 48 hours."
+House," What are my choices here? If I tell you I'm fine, you won't beliEve me."
+Wilson, I've scheduled a liver function test.
+House," If I ignore you, then you'll just ignore my ignoring. Which is rude, frankly."
+Wilson," Depending on the results, we'll customize a treatment plan."
+House," If I tell you I think I'm sick and I need your help and we need to set up a time to talk about it, you'll just assume I'm lying. Again, rude. Also hurtful."
+Wilson," Why is it that you can find the smallest thing wrong with anyone else, but when it comes to you!"
+House," I really don't have a choice here, do I?"
+Wilson," No, you don't."
+House, (to the MP) I'm on the list. (referring to Wilson) But he's not.
+Wilson, You can't ignore me forEver.
+House," Well, if you're right, that's not gonna be all that long."
+House, (to the MP who is searParkng him) Do it slow.
+Brant, Who are you?
+House," Well, considering the only people allowed in this room are your doctors and your family! I'm your long-lost cousin Ralph. So glad to finally meet you."
+Brant, Are you gonna check on me?
+House, It's gonna be at least two hours until we can tell if the Heparin's working.
+Brant, Then what are you doing here?
+House," You know, my father taught me that it's dishonorable to interrupt someone when they're reading."
+Brant, Honor's not a punch line. Get out of my room.
+House," So was it worth it? (He puts the magazine back on the table) Best case, you spend the rest of your life in Leavenworth. Worst case, you spend the rest of your life here."
+Brant, Justice for 34 deaths outweighs anything the Army can do to me.
+House, They got justice? Do they know that? What if only ten people had died? Four?
+Brant, Even one civilian death!
+House, What if they just maimed a few guys? Would that have been worth it?
+Brant," My job was to log that tape, get all the details in the official record. After the tenth time of watParkng it, I stopped trying to convince myself that the shovel could have been mistaken for a gun. 'Cause all I could see were the victims' faces. All I was doing was trying to read that kid's lips to make out his last words. I couldn't sleep. Couldn't eat. Think I like the cue ball look? My hair turned gray in three days. My body was telling me I had to do whatEver I could to make sure that something like this nEver happened again."
+House, Your hair turned gray in three days.
+House," Loss of hair color indiCates an autoimmune condition, likely Grave's disease. Hyperthyroidism leads to a hypercoagulable state, which causes thrombosis. Start him on antithyroids."
+Adams," You want to reject our current diagnosis because he had a few gray hairs, panicked, and shaved his head?"
+House, I want to reject our current diagnosis because I think we're wrong. And treating for wrong diagnoses can result in side effects like death.
+Taub," Even if he did full go gray, stress seems way more likely than Grave's."
+House," I haven't read any journal articles proving that veterans have a higher incidence of depigmentation. Of course, that could be the hepatic encephalopathy talking."
+Chase, Our treatment for Bernard Soulier hasn't had time�
+House, So you all just want to ignore the new symptom?
+Adams," It's not Grave's because it's not a symptom at all. And the antithyroids you want could reduce his blood pressure and his ability to breathe. Which can result in side effects, like death."
+House, (to the cashier) Small soda. Grave's it is. Start him on antithyroids.
+Park," I know we disagree with House all the time, but, before, I could say, ""okay, he's a genius."" Now! maybe he's just really smart."
+Chase, We're not gonna give him the antithyroids.
+Chase, Feeling okay? Any better?
+Brant, Pretty good.
+Hayes, He did just ask me for a blanket.
+Adams, You're cold?
+Brant, A little.
+Chase, For how long?
+Brant, It's really nothing. Maybe an hour or two.
+Adams, He's at 104.
+Chase, It's not Bernard Soulier.
+House," Bold move. You've gone from speculating I'm sick, to acting like I'm dead."
+Taub," We acted like we don't trust your judgment, because we don't trust your judgment."
+House, Why don't you start by not trusting your own.
+Adams," We did more blood work, it's not Graves either."
+Foreman, (to House) Talk to you for a minute?
+House," Anything you have to say to me, you can say to them. It's only fair. Cause"
+Foreman," Until you receive a clean bill of health, I'll be authorizing all treatment orders."
+House," Well, I would say that that was an incredibly stupid mistake but apparently I'd have to clear that opinion through Foreman first."
+Adams, White count is high. So all the infections we ruled out when he came in are back on the table.
+Park, Legionnaire's.
+Chase, Unlikely without pneumonia.
+House, Taub. Loyalty issues in his personal life. Makes sense that they'd cross over into his professional one.
+Foreman, I was hoping we can get a diagnosis before the witch hunt.
+House, The Patient's infection is an inherently less interesting puzzle than the stab wound to my back.
+Taub, Fine. I told Foreman. Can we move on now? What about dengue?
+Foreman, Patient isn't in enough pain.
+House, No. I don't mean about dengue. I have no idea. Taub's only confessing because he wants us to focus on the Patient.
+Adams, I told Foreman.
+Chase, I did.
+House, The next person to confess is fired. Or Spartacus.
+Foreman," For clarification, no one's getting fired. Who else has a pitch?"
+House, And then! there's Park. The only one who didn't confess. The same cowardice that makes someone unable to move out of mommy and daddy's home might also make someone a tattletale.
+Park, You threatened to fire the next person who�
+House, And it's malaria.
+Adams," No, it's not. The Army issues anti-malaria medication."
+House," And has done for ten years. That's the equivalent of 5000 generations of the Afghan mosquito, anopheles gambiae. That's plenty long enough to dEvelop a resistance. Anopheles, by the way, is Greek for ""useless."""
+Foreman, Cover for intra-abdominal sepsis and treat with antimalarials.
+House, (to Foreman) And was I also right that it was a stupid idea?
+Taub, We beliEve you have malaria. These pills�
+Brant, I don't want any medication. My dad's file should have been here.
+Hayes," Brant, I told you, I looked into it. There's just a delay."
+Brant," I beliEve that's what the Army's saying. I don't beliEve it's true. If they're not going to keep their end of the bargain, neither am I."
+Park, So we got groped for nothing. If he doesn't want to stay alive�
+Hayes, Hold on. Is it too late to become his conservator? I know what I said before. Right now I don't care.
+Taub, Of course not. We'll get the paperwork drawn up.
+Adams, He changed his mind? Why?
+Taub, (raising his hand in the air) His brother's dying. He needs a more substantial reason?
+Adams," His brother was dying the last time we asked him to be the conservator. So instead of pushing the issue with the Army to get the file, he just decided to give up on his code?"
+Taub, Apparently.
+Hayes, So where do I sign?
+Taub, We don't need you to. The Army gave the file to you yesterday. Major Mathewson had another copy sent over to us.
+Hayes," Ah. You know, there's a reason I didn't want that file released."
+Taub, I know. I read it. I'm gonna treat my Patient now.
+Brant, I was right. Wasn't I?
+Brant, How did he die? What did they cover up?
+Hayes, They didn't cover up anything. I did. Dad died in that car accident because he was drunk. Killed a pedestrian too.
+Brant, What are you� what�
+Hayes," He drank, Brant, a lot. You were too young to see it. I, uh, I had some of dad's buddies! take care of his files. It was the only time I Ever broke the rules. I'm sorry."
+Taub, Can I begin treatment?
+Taub, FEver hasn't broken. White count is still up. Renal function is declining.
+Foreman," So he has all the signs of malaria, except the antimalarials aren't curing him."
+Adams, Gonorrhea? If it got into his heart!
+Chase," We did an echo. His valves look good. What about� (He interrupts himself as he observes House taking candy bars out of the large drink cup) you bastard. You were faking. (He puts his head in his hands, then looking up, explains to the team) Yesterday, House stole candy by putting it into a cup. The cup was too small, so his solution was to remove some of the candy. But the obviously logical thing was to just get a bigger cup, which he did today, because he's no longer faking."
+Taub, He couldn't have faked it. We tested your�
+House, I took St. John's Wort to alter the way my liver metabolized acetaminophen. Then some n-acetylcysteine just to finish it off.
+Foreman, You tortured them to torture me just to see who you could trust?
+House," I did it to save lives. God, I wish I could rationalize that one."
+Park, And now you're going to brilliantly deduce which one of us is the rat?
+House, What makes you think I haven't already?
+House, To be continued. I need to brilliantly cure a Patient.
+House," No hair usually means no lice. What we didn't account for was that it wasn't your hair. Tea was not the only thing that your Afghani neighbors shared with you. I'm sure they were generous enough to let you sit on their furniture, which was infested with rat lice. You have typhus. Caused the vasculitis and explains all your other symptoms. But here's where it gets interesting. One of those symptoms, a Lawyer might argue, was leaking the tape. There are psyParkatric issues associated with typhus. If you change your mind, plead not guilty, you've got a case."
+Brant, I'd be undermining Everything I've been trying to do.
+Hayes, You did what you thought you had to do. Going to jail proves nothing.
+Brant, It proves I still have my honor.
+House, You're not doing this for honor. You're doing this to please your father. And the pathetic thing is that the Man you're trying to please nEver existed.
+House," Traitor. You've been avoiding me for two days. 'Cause, when I stranded you behind the barricades, you went straight to Foreman."
+Wilson, I've been avoiding you because you're an ass.
+House," I've been an ass my whole life, I can't get rid of you."
+Wilson, You can get rid of me now. Just turn and limp away.
+House, Huh. Your whiny righteousness has the stench of sincerity. Fine. I have to punish my whole team so that one of them will step forward.
+Wilson, Makes sense.
+House, (sighing) Damn. Now I'm gonna have to punish my whole team so that one of them will step forward.
+Wilson, You just said that.
+House," Yeah, but I meant it this time. First time I was just testing you. Either you were gonna genuinely confess or falsely confess or actually!"
+House, His name's li'l Chase. He's a rat. You're a rat. Get it? Taub confessed to telling Foreman to protect the Patient. Adams confessed to protect Taub. But your confession was just piling on. There's no rational reason for you to have done it.
+Chase, And my punishment will be nothing. You wanted me to tell Foreman. Your ability to solve puzzles is the only thing that matters to you. And you're smart enough to know Even you'll lose your edge at some point. You want to make sure someone's there when you do.
+House," If that were true, why are li'l Chase's li'l cousins scurrying through your apartment's floorboards right now?"
+Player," Over here, over here!"
+Player," Clear him, clear him!"
+Fan," Hey, what was that?"
+Fans," Hatchet, Hatchet, Hatchet!"
+ Announcer," Come on, Toros. Let's make some noise!"
+Bobby, Nice to meet the pride of Trois-Rivieres. I still got your Wings rookie card.
+Szabo, So what's that worth?
+Bobby, It's a collector's item. They don't make them like you anymore.
+Szabo, So do you wanna go?
+Bobby, [nods] Square up. Good luck.
+LinesMan, He didn't get a hand on you? You're going to be a force in the show.
+Toros Fan, Whoo!
+Spartans Fan, Boo!
+Toros Fan," Come on, Toros!"
+LinesMan, Get a trainer over here!
+House, Capacity crowd is on its feet. Five seconds on the clock. Ah. How is it possible for one Man to be blessed with so much skill? Ahhh. [The imaginary crowd roars]
+Taub," I had one just like this, except it was Bruins and the Habs. Where did you get it?"
+House, [distributing copies of the Patient file] Birthday present for someone in pediatric oncology. 22-year-old enforcer with hemoptysis.
+Adams, He's a hockey player?
+House," No, he's a superhero."
+Taub, He's coughing up blood because he pRobably broke a rib and punctured a lung while breaking someone else's rib and puncturing their lung in the name of sport.
+House, Nice conclusion to which the E.R. already jumped 18 hours ago. [he shoots] Short Man equals bullied Parkld.
+Taub, I was average height as a kid and nEver bullied.
+Adams," Until now. X-ray ruled out traumatic sequelae, overt TB, and lung cancer."
+Chase," Sarcoidosis. Nodules could be too small to show up on an X-ray. Fighting's the best part of hockey. Without it, you've got the Ice Capades."
+Taub, Fighting has nothing to do with hockey. It's like the cheerleaders at a basketball game.
+Chase, Cheerleading's the best part of basketball. Without it you've got! basketball.
+Adams, He's a duck hunter. He could've contracted psittacosis from exposure to fowl.
+Taub, He had three teeth knocked out two weeks ago. Infection could've led to oral bleeding.
+Park, Not without continuing dental pain.
+Taub," Then he took an elbow to the gut, which caused an esophageal tear."
+House," Chase, CT the Patient. Check for sarcoid. [He tosses Chase one of the hockey players from the game.] Adams, sputum cultures and serologies for psittacosis. Taub! I'd tell you why I think your theory is not just wrong but ill-conceived, but it's more fun to prove it by having you check the stool for blood. And while we wait for the stool fairy, I'm a Man down, so you want to drop your pants and hit the ice."
+Bobby," The faster you guys can do this, the better. The NHL's been sniffing around, and being in the hospital is not really helping my marketability."
+Adams, You have to be pretty good to get called up.
+Bobby," Yeah, leading the league in penalty minutes."
+Taub," And visits to the E.R., not counting the ones you've caused."
+Bobby," Not a hockey fan, I gather?"
+Taub, I am. That's the point. Fighting cheapens a great sport.
+Bobby," Oh, come on, that's like saying passing cheapens football. It's part of the game. I don't cause injuries."
+Taub, They're self-inflicted?
+Bobby," No, I prEvent them. I take the hit so the smaller guys don't have to. I thought you'd appreciate that."
+House, Neighbor's baby again?
+Wilson," I could hear it through earplugs, two pillows, and three sleeping pills."
+House, Hmm.
+Wilson, [exasperated] What is wrong with you?
+House," I just said, ""hmm."""
+Wilson, You're trying to figure out some deeper significance to my having a couple of crappy nights.
+House," Which one of us is analyzing the word ""hmm"" here?"
+Wilson, [waves House off] Fine. Sorry.
+House, Apology accepted. HowEver!
+Wilson, Mm.
+House, It's not the crying that's keeping you awake. The sound of a needy Parkld is stirring your paternal juices.
+Wilson, The sound of a needy Parkld at 112 decibels has stirred my inner murderer. Don't mess with me.
+House, Explain the stains on your shirt. You're lactating. The fact that you're the only fruit on your family tree is getting to you.
+Wilson," It's not a big deal. So I'll pRobably nEver be a dad. It's""�it sucks. I'll lose a little sleep, but�"
+House, You're not supposed to feel bad when you dodge a bullet. It's like you got survivor's guilt.
+Wilson, There are actually things in this world that give life Even more meaning than soap operas and monster trucks. And we happen to be missing out on at least one of them.
+House, Remember the falconer?
+Wilson, Beth?
+House," You dated two falconers? Yes, Beth. The night the two of you split up, you came around to my place, wallowing in self-pity and tequila. You passed out. She called that night, asked me to give you a message. She said she was pregnant! Which, God and Planned Parenthood willing, means you are the father of an 11-year-old. [Long pause as Wilson takes in this information.] I told you the next morning! hypothetically. I asked you how you'd feel if Beth had gotten pregnant, and you said, and I quote, ""It would be the worst mistake of my life."""
+Wilson," And! scene. Two perforMances Sunday, dark Mondays?"
+House, Just as well.
+Park," I want to kill my mother. My Popo's on her own, and my mother always needs me to take care of her."
+Chase," Well, you could kill Popo instead."
+Park," I have to take her shopping, to her friends, to Atlantic City. I love her, but Every night, Every weekend!"
+Chase," And only if there was some solution, someplace where you could live! that's not there."
+Park, My mom would freak. It would be the ultimate sign of disrespect.
+Chase, Okay. Then stay. And maybe you consider not bitParkng about it?
+Park, Not Everyone's lucky enough to have your independence.
+Chase," Don't worry. When you lose your family, you'll have it too."
+Park, [looking at the screen] He doesn't have sarcoid.
+Chase, Look at that.
+Park, That's his spleen.
+Chase, I know. But he's gotten it supersized.
+Taub, Deep vein thrombosis caused by any one of his Many injuries or surgeries.
+Park, Leukemia's a better fit.
+Taub, We have a guy who is punishing his body on a daily basis. Don't you think that's a more likely cause than cancer?
+Adams," No, because she doesn't have an agenda."
+House," [to Adams] Well, that was incredibly unprofessional. Well, it was really Taub's fault. [Taub stops smirking] If you're not prepared to slam her into the boards, she's got no reason not to go after you. Might I suggest pulling her jersey over her head first?"
+Chase, We should get an ultrasound for DVT and WBC for leukemia.
+Bobby, You think I could have cancer?
+Taub," More likely, it's just a DVT."
+Bobby," This is my agent. I gotta get this, Man. Give me some good news, Kenny. I thought you said any day. Okay. All right. [As Bobby talks, Taub notices something under his Robe. He pulls the front open. Bobby has pronounced breasts. Bobby looks down and sees them.] I gotta go."
+Wilson, I called Beth. I have an 11-year-old son.
+Chase," Liver failure could alter hormone lEvels, cause abnormal breast dEvelopment."
+Park, Alcoholism. We should search his home and locker room.
+House, Note that the person who wants to search the home didn't sleep in one last night. You have the imprint of a seatbelt buckle in your cheek.
+Park, I got in a fight with my mother.
+House, She hit you with a seatbelt?
+Chase, Could be hemochromatosis.
+Adams," Explains the liver and the spleen, but hemoptysis is a stretch. What about leptospirosis?"
+Taub," That's a good fit, if you ignore the fact that he's a pro athlete who looks like the Incredible Hulk, which means he's gotta be on steroids, which is a better fit."
+House, All we really know for sure is it was his evil job that caused the pRoblems.
+Taub," Yes, I don't like him. Doesn't mean my judgment's affected."
+House, Maybe. Let's take a look at the instant replay. [He turns the computer around and plays a video of Szabo checking Wallace.] This is the hit that precipitated Booby Orr's fight. Dirty or clean?
+Taub, The hit was clean.
+Adams, Really? The guy released the puck at least a second before the hit.
+Taub, We have a difference of opinion. That's all.
+House," Absolutely. Maybe she's as biased as you. Or maybe the entire league is. [He hands Taub a document.] After review, the league disciplinary commissioner ruled the hit illegal and dangerous and suspended the player for three games. Adams and Taub, run antibody titers for lepto. Chase and Park, check out the home, the locker room for booze, steroids, and Taub's objectivity."
+Chase, At least you're free. Going to get your own place?
+Park," If I can find a place I can afford, so! no."
+Chase," If you want, you can crash at my place in the spare bedroom."
+Park, That might be kind of weird.
+Chase," I live in an apartment, not a dungeon."
+Park," It's just two single people, opposite sex. I�"
+Chase," Your bedroom door has a lock on the inside. [Park looks at an athletic cup she pulled from a bag. She quickly drops it.] Hey, if you prefer your car, be my guest."
+Park," Scrip for glanciclovir. If his neighbor has mono, could mean he has mono. If he has mono, explains his spleen and hemoptysis. And it's caused by Epstein-Barr virus, which explains his liver. And my moonroof leaks. Thank you."
+House," Why don't we just assume that you're not the dad? [Wilson takes out his phone and shows House a picture. House studies it for a moment.] Either you're the dad, or she cheated on you with your dad."
+Wilson, Oh! Sand art. I used to love this.
+House," He's bitter, not mentally handicapped. Who knows what Beth told him about you? At worst, you're a rapist. At best, you're a rapist."
+Wilson, Maybe she said I was a dead war hero.
+House," Raised by a lunatic mother and abandoned by his father. Oh, I know! Squirrel handcuffs. You think he's gotten any of those?"
+Wilson," If you really wanted me to do nothing with this information, then why did you give it to me?"
+House," Because you were pining for a kid, and you deserved to know that you already had one. But your parental cravings are more theoretical than applied. You want vicarious immortality more than you want a lifelong burden."
+Wilson, You're assuming he's going to be a nightmare. What if he's a good kid?
+House, He's a kid. Best you can hope for is he's a nightmare.
+Wilson," House, I'm not naive. I realize that this thing could go very badly, but the point is my son wants to meet me. And I want to meet him."
+Chase," Popo, I presume."
+Park," Hey, uh, I let myself in. Um, this is�"
+Chase, We've met. [quietly] I thought the whole point of this was to get away from Popo.
+Park," My dad's getting a cyst removed, and my mother had to take him to the clinic. Don't worry. She'll be gone in an hour."
+Chase," I'm not worried, because it's not my issue. [looks at Popo] She seems awfully quiet."
+Park, You haven't seen her drunk.
+Taub, Bobby?
+Taub, I found him crying in the fetal position.
+Park, It's not a new symptom. He's crying because his liver failure threw his hormones out of whack.
+Adams," Aside from the crying, he's actually recovering nicely."
+Taub," Aside from the guy in the book depository, the Kennedys had a lovely trip to Dallas. Repetitive blows to the head can cause chronic traumatic encephalopathy, symptoms of which are aggressive behavior and depression."
+House, So your theory is that his aggressive behavior caused his aggressive behavior. He's not depressed. He's just bummed because he knows he's a talentless moron who's only one lost fight away from being a barista. I understand that can get to a guy after a while.
+Taub," If he quits being an enforcer, it could save his life."
+House, You don't want to save his life. [joining them] You want to kill his career.
+Park, I moved into Chase's apartment. [Chase looks up.] He knows. He was staring at our matParkng cups. I told you we should split up. We're not having sex. With each other!
+House, Yet.
+Park, Yes.
+Chase, [what???] Yes?
+Park," I just mean no one knows the future right now, so we don't really know! The only conclusive test for CTE is post-mortem."
+Taub," But an MRI of his brain could rEveal white matter disintegrity, which is the effect of CTE."
+House, Why? Are you trying to sleep with her? 'Cause the simpler technique is just to ask.
+Chase, I was doing something nice.
+House," Mm, no. Th� mm. No, that doesn't fit."
+Adams, He's only had three concussions since he was ten. It's not enough to cause CTE.
+Chase, Three reported concussions. These guys are taught in high school how to dupe the tests.
+House, Guilt?
+Park, This is really insulting.
+Chase, It's not guilt. Park is a friend.
+House," So it's guilt. Chase convinced you to leave mommy, and now he feels responsible. No MRI. Do a psych eval. If he doesn't start weeping again, send him home."
+Duncan, Dr. Wilson?
+Wilson," Duncan. Uh, James."
+Duncan," Uh, n-n-nice to meet you."
+Wilson, It's nice to meet you. Um! How are you doing?
+Duncan, Good.
+Wilson, Good. I got you this.
+Duncan, Oh. Thank you.
+Wilson, Go ahead.
+Duncan, Okay.
+Wilson," It's got three games built in, but you can download more from the website."
+Duncan," Yeah, I know."
+Wilson, You already have one.
+Duncan, I can always use a backup.
+Waitress," Hi, can I start you with something to drink?"
+Duncan," Just water, please."
+Waitress," You got a Gamedeck? Way to go, Dad."
+Taub," According to your psych eval, the only thing happier than you is Disneyland."
+Bobby," I'm sorry you had to see me like that last night. I'm just upset about being in the hospital and! I'm on some weird meds, but they must be working, because I'm feeling a lot better now."
+Taub, Depression could be the symptom of a serious illness. CTE.
+Bobby," Yeah, my aunt sends me Every article she can find on it."
+Taub, And you know it could kill you.
+Bobby," In the long run, like a lot of things."
+Taub, You might be right. And an MRI could confirm that.
+Bobby," I have enough evidence of head trauma in my file already, so!"
+Duncan, My mom said you had trouble maintaining relationships with normal people. She also said you were a nice guy. I always figured she was lying 'cause she didn't want me to hate my deadbeat dad.
+Wilson, I didn't know�
+Duncan, I-I know! now.
+Wilson, You're a bright kid.
+Duncan," Thanks to you. Thanks to my mom, I'm also a big, soft-hearted wuss."
+Wilson, [laughs] I think you may have gotten that from both of us.
+Duncan," Uh, I gotta go, but it was really nice meeting you."
+Wilson," It was nice meeting you, Duncan."
+Duncan," Uh, you want to hang out again?"
+Wilson, [laughs] Absolutely.
+Duncan, Tonight?
+Wilson," Tonight? Well, I-I-there's, um! [He looks at Duncan who is trying not to look like it's important to him.] That would be great."
+Duncan, Okay. I'll text you.
+Taub, Thank you. How did you talk him into it?
+Chase, He agreed once I promised him anonymity. [hands Taub a file] Mr. and Mrs. Doe liked the name John apparently. Unfortunately we just wasted his time and proved House right.
+Taub, Nothing? [points to the screen] What about that?
+Chase, That's an artifact.
+Taub," That's a density. I know you think I'm convincing myself, but this brain has been hammered for years, meaning evidence may be subtle, but it's there."
+House," [voice] Meaning you see what you want to see. [Taub turns on another monitor. House is getting the MRI.] Unless, of course, Chase is an idiot, and I do have brain damage."
+Chase, Patient's stroking out.
+House, Chase? Can you get me out of� Ohh! Hello?
+House," The good news is, it's isolated ophthalmoplegia, which means you didn't have a stroke. [House replaces the eye patch.] Bad news is, Taub was right. You're still sick. [to Taub] I said ""right,"" not ""competent."" Bursts your CTE bubble. You're going to need a whole new theory to keep Uncle Jesse and his Olsen twins on the bench."
+Taub, Can we discuss my incompetence somewhere else?
+Bobby, Dr. House. Could I talk to you for a minute?
+Taub, Could be neurosyphilis.
+Chase, He's only 22.
+Taub, And he's been on the road since he was 14.
+House, So he was trash Even before he was trash? You curious about what he wanted?
+Taub," I assume he wanted me off the case, and you told him I was hit in the head as a Parkld, and your mother made you promise to take care of me."
+House," He was doing what he always does � sticking up for the little guy. He told me to apologize to you, or he would! excrete down my throat. I'm paraphrasing. [Taub looks puzzled.] So if he should ask, I was a gentleMan, or I will excrete down your throat."
+Chase, Microscopic polyangiitis fits.
+Taub, We should start plasmapheresis immediately.
+Chase, We need to run an ANCA panel to confirm first. Putting him on plasmapheresis could make him bleed out.
+Taub, MPA can progress quickly. We may not have time before it reaches his lungs.
+House, I think you're right. Thus confirming my objectivity. Start the treatment.
+House, Miserable yet?
+Wilson," He's polite, well-adjusted and a straight-A student."
+House, Which means he doesn't need you. So why don't you get out while the butterfly effect is still in the cocoon stage?
+Wilson, I'm making him dinner.
+House, You don't make an 11-year-old dinner. You give him a jar of peanut butter.
+Wilson," It'll be fine. I could give this kid a quinoa salad, and he would eat it just to be nice."
+House," 'Cause he's a gutless plaCater, just like his dad."
+Wilson, He's nice.
+House, This is a terrible idea.
+Wilson, Because we like each other?
+House," Yes. 'Cause of the statement ""we like each other."" You've known him 25 minutes. All you know about him is that he'd lie about a quinoa salad, whatEver the hell that is."
+Wilson, You're jealous of an 11-year-old because you are an 11-year-old.
+Wilson," So tell me about yourself. I mean, you're smart, you're nice, but what else?"
+Duncan, I don't know. I'm a kid.
+Wilson, Right. [Duncan looks at the toppings Wilson has laid out.] What are you looking for?
+Duncan, Nothing.
+Wilson, You want! peanut butter?
+Duncan, Do you have prosciutto?
+Wilson, You like prosciutto?
+Duncan, I'm weird.
+Wilson," No, no. I-I like it too. I've got some in the fridge."
+Duncan, How about goat cheese?
+Wilson, [chuckles happily] I love goat cheese.
+Wilson, I think that was the best pizza I Ever had.
+Wilson, I think that was the best pizza I Ever had.
+Duncan, It was the hint of Dijon.
+Wilson, Do you have any aunts or uncles or grandparents?
+Duncan, My mom got into some stupid fight with my grandfather. They all kind of cut us off.
+Wilson, Hmmph.
+Duncan, Are you talking to your parents?
+Wilson," Yes, and they're going to be very surprised and excited to meet you."
+Duncan, That's awesome.
+GPS Voice, You have arrived at your destination.
+Wilson, Well�
+Duncan, Thanks for the pizza.
+Wilson," Sure, sure. It was, uh� I mean, it was great to spend time with you and�"
+Duncan," I love you, Dad."
+Taub," Can't be easy doing what you do. I mean, do you love it? Is it fun? I had my own plastic surgery practice making lots of money, but I wasn't happy. It wasn't what I went to med school for."
+Bobby," [long pause] Every winter my dad would flood the backyard and made a rink. I was Lemieux. My little brother was Gretzky. I was good. I won the NDHA scoring title three years in a row. I kept getting bigger and stronger and better! 'til I didn't. My Juniors coach told me that, if I wanted to stay on the team, then I'd have to use my size. Every game, I got less and less ice time until it was all fighting and no hockey. I, uh! [looks around] There's something going on with my arms. I can't feel them. I� Doctor, I can't feel my arms."
+Taub, Patient's arms are now paralyzed. ANCA panel was negative. It's not MPA.
+Adams," Lyme disease could cause paralysis. If he was hunting, he'd be exposed to ticks."
+House, No target rash or cardiac involvement. [to Chase] Roomies with benefits keeping you up?
+Chase, Cribbage. I played with Park's Popo.
+House, Is that two separate Events?
+Chase, Grandmother. ALS could explain the symptoms.
+Park, Sensory involvement rules out ALS.
+House," Okay, yeah. Now this is interesting. We'll get back to the Patient in a second. Your issue is the same as Wilson's, except! you're haunted by the pitter-patter of tiny skanks. You don't feel guilty about getting Park thrown out of her home. You feel guilty about all the women that you've screwed over. My mother needs 1,000 bucks for snow tires."
+Chase, Park's a friend. Popo's fun.
+Taub," Paralysis has gone from his face to his arms, meaning it's descending, which is the hallmark of botulism."
+House, So it was something he ate. How innocuous. You've overcome your bias by rEversing it. The only pRoblem is that being in love with a Patient is just as judgmental as being in hate. We didn't find any contaminated�
+Taub, No contaminated food. I'm not an idiot. But what if it's not from ingesting but from injecting? He was treated for intractable muscle spasms by the team's trainers. Sometimes they use botox.
+Adams, We need to start the antitoxin�
+Taub, The antitoxin could cause anaphylaxis. We need to test first to confirm.
+House," As if to prove my point, last time you said there wasn't enough time to test prior to a more dangerous treatment."
+Taub," It's a different situation, different symptom, different diagnosis."
+House, Different emotion. Give him the antitoxin.
+Park, Anything?
+Taub, No adverse effects.
+Park, Chase let me move in with him to get away from my grandmother. Then he practically let my grandmother move in with the both of us. He's being way more than nice.
+Taub, Then which answer is it? Chase feels guilty for pushing you to move out?
+Park, He didn't push me.
+Taub, Guilt about skanks.
+Park, He loves skanks.
+Taub, It's not the other option.
+Park, There are people that like me. People Even want to sleep with me. Some of them are Even good-looking.
+Taub, That good-looking? [Park tries to answer but no words come out. Bobby's forefinger moves.] Did you see that? [to Bobby] You're feeling something?
+Bobby, [who has been awake through this entire conversation] Yeah.
+Wilson," I could give you crap for making me wait 11 years, but instead I'm going to thank you for not making me wait another 11."
+House, Every little girl wants a pony till they have to clean up after it.
+Wilson, You think I'm going to quit on this? On an 11-year-old?
+House, The only relationship you haven't quit on has been with me.
+Wilson," Hmm. A needy, truculent narcissist. I think it's been perfect training for parenthood."
+House," [stares at him, serious] That's not Even close. This is the rest of your life. You screw this up, you don't get to run away. You get to ruin both your lives. This is a bigger responsibility than any you've Ever taken on and screwed up."
+Wilson, I know. That's why I'm so excited about it.
+Bobby, You're really happier doing this than looking at boobs all day?
+Taub, Luckily I get Patients like you Every now and again who let me reexperience the joy.
+Bobby," You know, the best part of my day is when I'm sitting in that penalty box after I beat someone up. That's the only time I know I'm safe. Think Lemieux Ever felt that way? I'm not going back."
+Taub, To hockey?
+Bobby, To enforcing! whatEver that costs.
+Taub, Good for you. [he shoots] Ooh! First goal for the pocket rocket. Bobby? [Bobby is holding his chest and having trouble breathing.] We need a team in here!
+Taub," He's completely paralyzed, and he tested negative for botulism."
+House, I am now accepting long shots.
+Adams, Polio. Some kids were nEver vaccinated.
+Taub, Unless they played sports all their lives and had two physicals a year.
+Park, How about MLD?
+Taub, That's a bad fit. I say that not because there's no treatment for MLD but because it's a bad fit. His cognitive abilities are unaffected.
+Chase, Prion disease could explain the waxing and waning symptoms.
+Taub," The test for Prions is a brain biopsy. Given his history, there's got to be brain swelling. We can't risk drilling into his skull."
+House, Pretty sure we can.
+Taub, We also could keep talking until we can find an answer we all can agree on.
+House," All of us? Those who love him, those who hate him, those who don't give a crap about him or you�"
+Taub, Or I could just discuss it on my own with Foreman.
+House, He's not your friend.
+Taub, I get it. He's a Patient. I'm not�
+House, He nEver had your back. He didn't insist that I apologize to you. He asked me to take you off the case. [Taub takes in this information.] Biopsy his brain.
+Duncan," Hey, Dad."
+Wilson, Hey.
+Duncan, Sorry I'm late. Got in a fight with my mom. She's such a tool.
+Wilson, I'm sure she means well.
+Duncan, She wants to open a reserve in Costa Rica for rescued birds of prey.
+Wilson," But how serious is she? From my recollection, she used to talk about doing a lot�"
+Duncan," Yeah, but she bought plane tickets for Monday."
+Wilson," [after a couple of false starts] Well, Costa Rica is beautiful. And the schools are supposed to be great."
+Duncan," Oh, I'm not going. It's her stupid dream, not mine."
+Wilson, Then what will you do?
+Duncan," Uh! I-I thought maybe I could, uh! Maybe I could stay with you? Uh, y-your place is only 3 miles away from my school. I could bus it Every day. [Wilson starts shaking his head slightly.] And I do my own laundry. I keep my room tidy."
+Wilson," Duncan, th-this-this is very sudden."
+Duncan, I know. I'm sorry. [pause] Please don't send me to the jungle.
+Wilson," If it's okay with your mother, it's okay with me."
+Taub," Take me off the case. I've obviously completely lost my objectivity. I'm not helping, I'm not Even neutral."
+House, Agreed. So why shouldn't I take you off all my cases?
+Taub, Because you were right. I hate bullies.
+House, You work for me.
+Taub, You're not a bully.
+House," Pretty sure I am, dickwad."
+Taub," I've known a lot of bullies � people who didn't like me because I'm short, people who didn't like me because I'm Jewish�"
+House," Yeah, I get it. There's a long list of reasons not to like you."
+Taub," You relentlessly mock, but it's not for self-aggrandizement. It's because ideas are bigger than feelings. At least that's what I choose to beliEve. I also thought you had the side effect of desensitizing me."
+House," You little Hebe. Here's some ideas for you. You screwed up. You kept on screwing up. Everything you said is true, except! it doesn't mean you walk away. You just learn to trust nothing. Everything you think you feel, Everything you think you know. Question Every call, play through Every whistle."
+Taub, I just had a light bulb. Maybe.
+House, You can trust light bulbs.
+Taub," Stop. It's not prions. Epstein-Barr gave him mono. It also gave him Miller Fisher syndrome. The plasmapheresis played through the whistle. We gave it to him for MPA, but when he got worse, we took him off. When he got better, we thought it was the antitoxin. But it was actually the plasmapheresis still working. We had the right treatment, just the wrong diagnosis."
+House, It was my metaphor that solved the case. Put him back on plasmapheresis. He'll be fine. Nice save. Didn't quite make up for being a siEve the rest of the game.
+House, Ex-girlfriend's baby again?
+Wilson, His mother is moving to Costa Rica. He asked if he could move in with me. [mirthless chuckle] And I said yes.
+House," Well, it's only six or sEven years. Unless he can't get into college, in which case, it's more a matter of your life expectancy."
+Wilson," I said yes, knowing I'm not remotely ready for that, knowing he's not ready to be separated from his mother. This isn't the act of a mature, rational adult. I-I can't do this, House. You were right."
+House, I have an idea! that can make this entire pRoblem go away.
+Wilson," Yes, I really want to hear your clEver late-term abortion joke. You were right about Everything. This is life. It's real. It doesn't just go away."
+House, None of that is true.
+Duncan, Hey.
+Wilson, Duncan.
+Duncan," Actually! Wendel. [He opens the envelope and pulls out a headshot with his credits printed on the back of the photo.] One ""l."" If you're going to get pissy, remember, it was House's idea."
+Wilson, You're an actor?
+Duncan, [proudly] Five commercials and a recurring on Days of Our Lives.
+House," You were regretting not having kids, so I gave you one! thereby rendering you regret-free. It's a priceless gift."
+Wilson, Get out.
+House," Well, it's not priceless 'cause he charges SAG minimum."
+Wilson, [very angry] Get out!
+Duncan," Parkllax, Dad."
+House, Can you do an Australian accent?
+Bobby, I just got the call. Three-year deal. $2.1 million.
+Taub, What about the flooded backyard and pretending to be Lemieux?
+Bobby," That's why I took it. After all I did to get here, half a dream is better than nothing. Maybe my new coach will see what my Juniors coach didn't."
+Taub, That'd be nice.
+Park, [after a pause] I'm not sleeping with you.
+Chase, That's a shame.
+Park, [realizing something] This is about Popo.
+Chase," She's not sleeping with me either, right?"
+Park, You were jealous of me. My family.
+Chase," [confessing] Maybe you've got too much, and I've got too little."
+Park, I might sleep with you after all.
+Wilson, The Woman that I called � that was really Beth?
+House, Found her on Facebook.
+Wilson, How much did she charge?
+House, Nothing. She's still pissed at you.
+House, Pass the bacon.
+Wilson, I thought you liked prosciutto.
+House, Nobody likes prosciutto.
+Voice of a Woman, Keep breathing. Nice and slow.
+Molly," Now, the first couple of shots will show you if the sights are off or the barrel's bent."
+Henry, Yes!
+Molly, Yeah! You did it! [She gives him a congratulatory hug happily.]
+Henry, I didn't.
+Carny, You just won your girlfriend a teddy bear. [He points at a huge bear.]
+Henry," And then Thursday night, this physicist is giving a lecture in Brooklyn. It's about time travel and the grandfather paradox. I don't know if you're busy!"
+Henry, Yeah.
+Molly, I'm really happy that we've been hanging out so much.
+Henry," Yeah, I-I like you too. Heh."
+Molly, Can you put down the bear? [He does so.] Henry!
+Henry," What? [She looks at him silently, as if she wants to do or say something but can't. Henry seems to get it.] I can't."
+Molly, I know. You have a girlfriend. It's just! she nEver seems! to want to do anything with you. Are you crying?
+Henry," No, I have allergies. I must just be, like, tearing up. [He wipes a tear away with a finger but something is actually wrong.]"
+Molly," Henry, I think that's blood."
+Henry, What? I-it! [He takes of his glasses; he is now heavily bleeding out of both eyes.]
+Molly, Oh!
+House," 35-year-old male cries blood, and he's not vampire Bill. Go!"
+Park, Should we ask?
+Chase, Nope! [He is the only one to turn around and start reading the file.]
+House," What, her? [A red-haired voluptuous Woman holds a cup and walks to House to give it to him.]"
+House," Yeah, my favorite companion is retiring from ""companning."" So I'm interviewing replacements. Thank you! Butterscotch. Is that a family name? [She stands beside him and waits. In the hallway, there is a lineup of similar women waiting.]"
+Adams, How long are you gonna be using the office for sex games? Just so I can plan my day.
+House, Sex and work? I'm not a savage. [He takes a sip of what is in the cup. He seems surprised.] I asked for a cappuccino.
+Butterscotch, That's what this is.
+House," No, cappuccinos got a nice, stiff foam on it. This is wetter than! oh! almost slipped there. Well, thank you, Ms. Scotch, but poor foaming's a deal breaker. Could you ask the next candidate to come in? [She exits. House is looking at his notes and some ""resumes""� and waits for the next one to come in.]"
+Taub, Initial exam showed no sign of trauma or subconjunctival hemorrhage.
+Park," Lymphocytosis? ALC's in normal range, but it's in the high end of normal."
+House," Take a seat, Fawn. And tell me, what's your favorite Woody Allen movie? [The team stares at House and the Woman.]"
+Fawn, Annie Hall.
+Chase, You're interviewing hookers but not gonna talk to them about sex?
+House, Sex is a given. They're hookers. [He takes notes.] Defend your choice.
+Fawn, It's the most popular.
+Taub, Lymphocytosis works. Maybe we should take another look at the blood.
+Adams, Could also be cavernous sinus thrombosis. Clot builds up pressure at the base of the brain.
+House, Rerun the Patient's blood panel and get a CT venogram of his head. Let's see which one of you is right. [The team leaves and House turns to the next applicant.] How are you with small appliance repair?
+Molly," Uh, this cavernous sinus thing, is it dangerous?"
+Chase," If Henry's got it, we can treat it with a combo of drugs and surgery. Success rate is over 70%."
+Molly, Amy's his girlfriend. I'm the neighbor. I did leave a message at their number.
+Adams, Do you wanna try her cell? Be here for a few more hours at least.
+Henry," Oh, she doesn't have one. She worries about radiation."
+Molly," I could stop by on my way home. She knows who I am, right?"
+Henry," You don't need to, but thanks."
+Molly, Good luck. [Adams and Chase push him out of the room.]
+Henry, Okay.
+Park, Have you Ever paid for sex?
+Taub, Every guy who's Ever seen a Merchant Ivory movie has paid for sex. [Turning to her] No. It just! seems too demeaning to women.
+Park," Given the things you've done to women, that seems arbitrary."
+Young Man," You're Park, right?"
+Park, Who's asking?
+Young Man," Uh, you called about my guitar flyer."
+Park," You're Micah. This guy's selling a 1974 Gibson SG standard in tobacco for $1,250."
+Micah," Yeah, actually, I came in to tell you I already sold it. Sorry."
+Park," Oh, um! thanks anyway. [He nods and leaves the lab.]"
+Park, Maybe we should check for diabetes. Could weaken conjunctival vessels. And shut up.
+Taub, If I'm wrong then why is he coming back?
+Micah, My band is rehearsing tomorrow night. You should come by and jam with us.
+Micah, Great. Call me.
+s voice, Park has a boyfriend.
+Park, I'll break your face.
+House, This is the talent portion of the interview.
+Adams, Okay. You like cards. But you can juggle. I fail to see how this would be of benefit to you.
+House, What if I'm busy? [He turns to the hooker behind him.] Have you got anything else?
+Adams, CT showed no clots or malformations. Park and Taub ruled out lymphocytosis and diabetes.
+House," Well, since you have nothing of relevance to report, I assume that you're here to toss your panties in the ring."
+Adams," Patient's got a mysterious girlfriend he really wants to see. She's unreachable by phone, and the neighbor's nEver Even seen her."
+Debbie, He's gay.
+Adams, I think he's a junkie. The girlfriend is a fix. The guy's inhaling glue.
+House, Can you repair a blender?
+Adams," Can you bite me? Go search the Patient's home. Well, thank you, ladies. I've seen a lot of very talented candidates. Got a tough decision the next few days. [He grabs a file with the ""resumes""� and puts it in his bag pack.] This is the part I hate. [He leaves his office.]"
+Chase, Well! this is not exactly a crack den.
+Adams," Doesn't exactly look like a Woman lives here, either."
+Chase," ""To Amy. I love you."""
+Adams, Okay. She exists. Doesn't mean he's not a drug addict.
+Chase, It's good you're playing it cool with House. Once he gets a rise out of someone!
+Adams," Yeah, I'm not crazy about the whole hooker thing, but I get it. Other than the fact that it's exploitative and dangerous for women, you get what you need without any of the emotional baggage."
+Chase, You're not seeing anyone I take it.
+Adams, I've been volunteering at the Trenton Free Clinic. Keeps me busy.
+Chase, You volunteer Every night and Every weekend? No time to grab dinner?
+Adams, What's more important � making small talk over ravioli or helping people who are less fortunate?
+Chase," With that rationale, none of us should Ever eat again."
+Adams, Let's just say I'm not hungry right now.
+Adams," Oh, God!"
+Adams, I don't think she's breathing. Do you think she OD'd?
+Chase, That or he killed her. Pulse?
+Adams, No.
+Chase, I'll call the coroner.
+Adams, I don't think that's gonna be necessary.
+Dominika," This one works in financial district. She can get tips, give you leg up in market. What is ""fudgey Gonzalez""?"
+House," Uh, imagine a ""vanilla Gonzalez,"" but from the other side."
+House," I'm about to make a decision, but there's still time for you to sneak under the wire."
+Adams," My favorite Woody Allen movie is Melinda and Melinda. [House makes a face.] Our Patient is not a junkie, but he does have a girlfriend. [Back with Chase and Adams, on the phone, in Henry's bedroom. The ""girlfriend""� is now sitting on the bed: it is a plastic doll!]"
+Henry," I call her my ""girlfriend"" because people understand that. If I explained it, they'd just think I was a weirdo."
+Chase, We're not here to Judge anyone's fetish.
+Henry, I'm not a pervert. It's not like I'm more attracted to dolls than huMans.
+Chase, So you don't have sex with her?
+Henry, It's not just about that.
+Adams, Does the doll talk to you?
+Henry," I know she's not a real person. In a lot of ways, she's better than a person. I can tell her things, and she won't argue with me or make fun of me. I come home Every night, and I know she'll be there waiting."
+Adams, So is your toaster.
+Henry," No one in the world has an emotional attachment to a toaster. But a lot of people are willing to spend $7,000 on women like Amy."
+Chase, Have you Ever tried an actual�
+Henry," Yeah, I'm 35. I've been in relationships. Just none of them fulfilled me. And one day, I saw this website, and! maybe the perfect Woman's out there somewhere, but it's not worth going through what it would take to find her. Amy makes me happy."
+Chase, You're swelling.
+Henry, It's sort of hot in here.
+Adams, Bleeding plus two new symptoms. FEver and neurological.
+Chase, I'm not sure about that last one. I think he's just! weird. He wasn't hallucinating. He didn't have a thought disorder.
+Park," And you don't think it's ""disordered"" to talk to�"
+Chase, It's not all that different from talking to your cat or a Teddy bear.
+Adams, You don't have sex with your cat or Teddy bear.
+House," If you did, you'd pRobably talk to them more. Guy loves an imaginary being who's nEver going to respond to him. He's no crazier than millions of churchgoers."
+Adams, You think anything off about any Patient is a symptom. This guy buys flowers. Real flowers for a piece of plastic in a dress.
+Taub," He's just running away. He hangs out with a doll, he nEver needs to fear rejection."
+Park, It's sad.
+House, You do understand the irony here? Every person in this room has a sex doll. At least the Patient has the stones to be honest about it.
+Taub," Ooh, a metaphor. What you didn't foresee is that is that I actually do have a sex doll."
+House," Your doll is your kids. Yours is your parents, yours is your charity. All excuses for not being in a relationship."
+Chase, He's not wrong.
+Chase," I have meaningless sex with random strangers. Thanks for the insight, but I stopped that months ago. I actually had a relationship."
+Chase, My dating is getting in the way of my dating?
+House," You don't go looking for the right person. You just shack up with whoEver's in the room, and then you get surprised and/or divorced when it doesn't work out. I'm surprised you haven't asked Adams out yet."
+House, You'll bail.
+Taub, He's right. The obvious solution is for me to hand my kids over to your parents.
+House, Can we stop trying to argue the premise and move onto figuring out why it is that you're all social morons?
+Taub," You do understand the irony here. You mocking us for avoiding relationships, but you can't handle losing your ""doll."" You're spending all this time and energy interviewing for a new one."
+House, You're right. That is stupid. [He gets up to leave.]
+Adams, What about the Patient?
+House, Dude's banging a sex doll. A festering cesspool of bodily fluids and associated bacteria. Swab her out and find out which one. [He leaves the office.]
+House," I need you. Please don't quit. You're the only hooker I know who can tune a piano. If it's about the money, then I can up you to three nights a week."
+Emily," I'm getting married, House. His name's Harris. [House seems a bit shocked. She holds up her cell phone to show him a picture of her with a Black Man, both holding glasses of champagne.] He's a certified accountant, he loves schlocky horror movies, and he just moved in. We're very happy."
+Emily," He knows. We've talked about it, and he accepts me for who I am."
+House," No. He! If he accepted who you were, he would not be making you give up your career. Women need their own identities, their own livelihoods. Otherwise, why was I smoking all those Virginia Slims?"
+Emily," I know this is weird for you, but you need to figure out a way to be okay with it. I'll miss you, too."
+Chase, I feel like the stirrups are overkill.
+Adams, I've nEver done a pelvic on a doll before. I'm unfamiliar with the protocol. [She sits down in front of the doll's legs and looks a bit stunned.] I'm pretty skeEved out right now. I'm not gonna lie.
+Chase, What House said back there�
+Chase," I don't just date whoEver shows up. I mean, I did meet women in the hospital, but they weren't just flings."
+Adams," Basically, you're explaining why you're not going to ask me out."
+Chase, That's not what I was � did you want me to ask you out?
+Adams, Yeah. I told Park to tell Taub to tell House to pass you that note. [Looking at the sampling] It's completely clean in there.
+Chase, He said he just bathed her. [He checks out the doll's side] Adams! there's a swelling beneath the skin! 3-inch mass.
+Chase, It feels like a tumor.
+Adams, CT showed an air-filled mass in the doll's abdomen. It's pRobably just a chemical reaction. Henry left her too close to a heating pipe or something.
+Chase," This guy brushes her hair Every morning, brings home movies for them to watch together. You think he tosses her in a broom closet at the end of each day?"
+Adams, More likely than it getting stomach cancer.
+Chase," How about clostridium? Bacteria got trapped in the airtight cavity, produced gas!"
+Adams, It doesn't explain the neurological issue.
+Chase, We can explain that the same way we explain the tooth fairy.
+House," Oh, I get to play Solomon. Cut the doll open."
+Chase, We can't just destroy the Patient's property. That thing cost 7 grand.
+House," Exactly. Ask him for consent. If he says yes, then we get to go hunting bacteria. If he says no, there's no need because he's crazy, and we need a different theory. See ya. Gotta go build a temple."
+Henry, Okay.
+Adams, You sure? It won't be able to heal when we're done.
+Henry, But you think she could tell you what's wrong with me.
+Adams, Yes.
+Chase, Should we take her to the procedure room?
+Adams," It's not a ""her,""� which means we can do this anywhere. [She opens up the doll's shirt and takes her scalpel.]"
+Chase," Adams! you can know something's not real and still love it. [He points at Henry, he is crying.]"
+Adams, I think the procedure room might be better for this.
+Wilson, You are a horrible person.
+House," All I need is to break up one marriage. You've broken up three of your own. You're like the Stephen Hawking of killing relationships. Actually, no, Stephen Hawking is the Stephen Hawking of�"
+Wilson, Okay. I have work to do. [He turns to his laptop and starts typing on the keyboard.]
+House, Your computer is off.
+Wilson," Sorry, I can't hear you over my ""stereo."""
+House, Why do you assume that marriage is better than hooking? We don't know anything about the guy. He could be a serial killer.
+Wilson," Even if that were true, it would still be a toss-up."
+Wilson, You're a coward.
+Wilson," Absolutely, if what he's afraid of is other damsels. Your last relationship failed so miserably, you ended up in jail. Now you're clinging to this hooker when there are about 3 billion other women out there who aren't call girls, some of whom are attractive and intelligent, one of whom is living in your apartment and is married to you!"
+Park, You shouldn't sleep with Chase.
+Adams, Thank God. You got here just in time. What do you have against him?
+Park," Nothing, but House has a way of getting into people's heads."
+Adams," Just like last week when he was prying into your relationship with Chase? It was silly then, and it's silly now."
+Park," Why was it silly then? I'm not 5'9"" with curves and flowing hair, so it's impossible for me to get it on with a good-looking guy?"
+Adams," Wow. Do you resent me? You're the quirky, hardworking sophomore and I'm the evil cheerleader who steals boys? If you're not getting any, it's not my fault."
+Taub," Should we get the one with the panda on it or the bird? [He points at one of them randomly.] Good choice. Pandas eat only bamboo, they know nothing about cereal."
+Woman, Your little girl is adorable.
+Taub, Thanks. She keeps me very busy.
+Woman, You and her mom must be very proud.
+Taub, Her mother! died in Parkldbirth. [There is an awkward silence between the two adults while the girl is laughing.]
+Adams," We're growing cultures now, but she looked clean, and there was no telltale smell. I'm guessing the lump was just an air bubble that got trapped in the mold."
+Henry, You bandaged her up.
+Adams," I threw in some stitches, too. Just wanted to make her look her best. Do you want me to put her in her chair? [Suddenly, Henry falls down, in pain, he seems to be unable to breathe.] Henry? [to the nurses] Call a code!"
+House, You looking at the apartment with those or the transit of Mercury?
+Dominika," If night comes, you'll be thanking me. [pointing outside] They're seeking heat."
+House, He's an accountant. How late do you think he's going to party?
+Dominika, I bought jar to pee in.
+House, Yeah.
+Adams," We heard crackles in Henry's lungs. We diuresed him, but he still needs oxygen."
+Chase, Echo shows normal heart function. Could be high output failure from anemia.
+Taub, Hematocrit was rock normal.
+Dominika," Say ""mushroom,"" charge $2. Say ""truffle,"" charge $5. Is that the Man who wants to marry hooker? [A Black Man walks down the stairs in front of the building.]"
+House, PRobably. But he's not the one we're after. [He is still holding the phone to his ear but not really paying attention to it.]
+Park, Should we ask?
+Chase, Nope.
+House, Oh! How rude of me not to situate you. I'm doing Emily a favor. We're going to track her fianc� until Dominika can seduce and expose him as the lying cheater I need him to be.
+Taub, I'm guessing she didn't ask for this favor.
+House," Oh, you know, the noblest gifts are the ones we give anonymously."
+Adams, Crackles are nonspecific. Hypoxia plus bleeding could indiCate D.I.C. or some other�
+House," No neurological symptoms? I knew your bleeding heart would bring you around. Too bad it's also taking you off the market. And by market, I mean Chase. Come on, buck up, Chase. There's always Park. Unless! How did band practice go?"
+Park, Great.
+House, Does she look like she's lying?
+Adams, Kind of.
+Park," Popo needed a ride to the doctor, and my mom couldn't, so�"
+House, You're terrified of dating because! a previous relationship ended because your latent rage made you vicious in arguments. Or�
+Taub," Or reincarnation. In a past life, she was Anne Boleyn."
+House, Interesting. Taub feels confident enough to turn the spotlight on himself. It's almost as if he wants me to ask! what's her name?
+Taub," Wendy Jacobson. 33, Brown grad, family therapist."
+House," Nice choice. Since you got two families to ""therapize."""
+Taub, First date we didn't discuss Everything important�
+House, So it was just a one-night stand.
+Taub, You're wrong. I actually like her. I'm going to see her again.
+House, Mazel tov. Great relationships often start with snap decisions aimed at proving me wrong.
+Adams, Air bubble in the doll could mean the silicone is degrading. If he hailed some particles!
+House," Silicone deposition. That could work. Start him on plasmapheresis. Now, turning to Adams, my theory is tripartite�"
+House, Want to hear my thesis? It's kind of interesting.
+Dominika, No Man comes out. But old naked lady in 3-C is eating whole block of cheese.
+Henry, Will this hurt?
+Adams," No, you might feel a little cold, though."
+Henry, Ah.
+Henry, No.
+Henry," No, no, it's-it's good that she's here. Molly, I'd like you to meet Amy."
+Henry," I'm serious. I know it seems a little strange, but she means a lot to me."
+Henry, But you just got here. Sit down.
+Molly," Yeah, but I-I said that I only had a second. Enjoy the handouts. [She leaves the room.]"
+Taub," Listen, um, I have to admit something."
+Wendy, Okay.
+Taub, Her mom isn't dead. We're separated.
+Wendy, Uh-huh.
+Wendy, Was that a different baby?
+Wendy, That was a different baby.
+Amy, Like this?
+Henry, You're talking?
+Amy," It's not all I can do. [She unbuttons her shirt and takes it off, her skirt too. Wearing only her underwear, ""real""� Amy climbs on top of Henry.]"
+Henry," Amy, there are doctors!"
+Amy, Shh!
+Henry, I don't know.
+Amy, Just put your hands on me.
+ but his mind is jumbled," he sees Amy, then she's covered in blood, then he's covered in blood and screaming in pain. In reality, Henry is unconscious, screaming in pain; Adams is trying to hold him down to the bed while Chase is giving him a sedative.]"
+Chase," Pushing lorazepam. If it wasn't neurological before, it sure is now."
+Adams, Right upper quadrant's distended. He's hallucinating because his liver's failing.
+Taub, Elevated transaminases confirm liver failure. We'll have to put him on the transplant list in a couple days.
+Adams, It's clearly not the silicone. Could be vasculitis.
+Chase, Serologies were negative.
+House," Yeah, if you want Adams to hear, you might want to not stand so conspicuously far away."
+Chase," I'm making coffee. And sometimes, I date co-workers. Like Everyone else on the planet."
+Park," Hepatic fibrosis. If it damaged his platelets, it'd explain the bleeding."
+House, Unexpected. I actually thought you might agree with my theory. Because that would mean nothing's your fault. You fell into relationships based on proximity. Of course they failed. [Chase sits down at the table.] But I guess I was wrong. You picked perfect women. You just screwed it up.
+Adams," How about all five of us live together and the $7,000 sex doll? It'll solve all our hang-ups."
+Taub," $7,000?"
+House," Adams suggests that we all sleep together, and your issue is high prices?"
+Taub, Pretty sure she was joking.
+House," Yes, I'm 99% sure that you're right, but I would nEver forgive myself�"
+Taub," Those dolls are only $5,000. He must have had it customized somehow. [They all look at him in disbelief.] Oh, like, you didn't check the website?"
+House, I guess we don't need to ask how your dating life is going.
+Taub, I was curious.
+Adams, Hepatic fibrosis wouldn't cause difficulty breathing.
+Chase, It would if liver failure opened pulmonary av shunts.
+House, Fibrosis fits. Start the Patient on steroids and find out how he pimped his ride.
+Taub, Why?
+House, Because I don't know the answer. [He gets up and heads for the elevator. Wilson happens to be walking by and stops to talk to House.]
+Wilson, Hey. Foosball?
+House, Can't. Marriage to destroy.
+Wilson, Okay! [He heads for his office.]
+House," ""Okay"" as in passive-aggressive rEverse psychology? Or as in depressed resignation"
+Wilson," ""Okay"" as in I changed my mind."
+House, Expand.
+Wilson," Oh, it's morally reprehensible and bound to fail, but in a weird way, it's a step forward. This thing with Emily."
+House, Contract.
+Wilson," It's real without being real. It's a long-term relationship that can't actually hurt you. It's, um! a stepping stone. It means you want more."
+House," So, passive-aggressive rEverse psychology. Got it. [He enters the elevator and the doors close.]"
+House," Try not to come on too strong, okay? Just get to know him a little. Ease into it."
+Domonika, Why would I ease?
+House," True. You could just walk up and stick your hand down his pants, but I heard there's a middle step."
+Dominika, Men want to have sex.
+Dominika, Hi.
+Harris, Hey.
+Dominika," I'm Jennifer, new to marketing department. [They shake hands.]"
+Harris, Harris. Accounts receivable.
+Dominika," Oh, interesting. Do you want to get out of here and have sex?"
+Harris," Uh, sure. [Dominika gives a look to House, he gets up and walks to them] You know, I got 45 minutes left on my lunch break."
+Dominika, Mm-hmm.
+Harris, Where you wanna go?
+Harris, Cheating? What are you talking about?
+House," Why, I hope you're speaking out of some deep kind of moral relativism because�"
+Harris, Who are you people?
+House, You're not Emily's fianc�e.
+Harris, Emily's my sister.
+Adams, We called the company that made Amy. They said they modeled her after some photos you sent them. [She shows him one of the pictures on a cell phone.] Who is she?
+Henry," We met last Christmas. She's a yoga instructor. Totally different from me. She-she loved Chopin, hated Indian food. She changed entire my life for 17 weeks."
+Adams, My husband cheated on me! with a girl he met on the plane coming back from our Honeymoon. It's not easy to get past things like that.
+Henry, She wasn't unfaithful. She didn't betray me. She just! she just wasn't in love with me. [He is about to cry.]
+Adams, I know Amy's not going to break your heart. But she's also not going to change your life.
+Henry, Sorry. What's happening to me?
+Adams, Is your neck stiff?
+Henry, Yeah.
+Adams, I think you have meningitis.
+Emily, I'm not leaving the business. I'm just leaving you. I didn't want you to feel bad.
+House, So let me get this straight. I'm being dumped by a hooker! who's worried about my feelings?
+Emily, You're married.
+House, Half your clients are married. And you're a hooker.
+Emily," My other guys sneak around, but you'll take me into the bedroom while your wife's in the next room. That's just! mean."
+House," Oh, my God. The marriage, it's a sham. The only really thing about it is the green card she's going to get at the end of it. So, if you want to get the meter running!"
+Emily, It's still mean.
+House, It's not a marriage. It's a felony.
+Emily, I've seen how she looks at you when you're together. Trust me. She likes you. And I've seen how you look at her. [House doesn't know what to respond.]
+Adams," FEver's up 105. He's not responding to meds. At this rate, he'll be dead by the time we get the cultures back."
+Taub, Spinal fluid was full of white cells. Meningitis could be carcinomatous.
+Park, Cytology showed nothing.
+Chase, An amoebic infection would cause fEver and meningitis.
+Adams, But not liver failure.
+Park, It could if he had a clot.
+Taub, How could amoebas get past his cribriform plate? He went swimming in a frozen lake in New Jersey?
+Chase, Adams said his ex-girlfriend was a yoga instructor.
+Adams, Maybe he sprained his chakras.
+Chase, Yoga nuts are way more likely to be into alternative medicine. He has this little weird teapot in his House.
+Chase," Um, little. Weird. Teapot-ish."
+House, Like that?
+Chase, Yeah.
+Park, You think he drinks some sort of toxic herbal tea?
+House," Yes! if by ""tea,"" you mean salted tap water. And by ""drink,"" you mean poured up his nose. His girlfriend didn't just leave him with a broken heart. She left him with a neti pot. It's an Indian method of! clearing the sinuses during allergy season. Also known as now. [As House speaks, we see glimpses of the past: Henry is filling the pot with tap water and leaning over the sink, he puts water in his nose.] The distilled water can act as a snot flushing system. With tap water, it can act as an amoeba delivery system to the fluids around the brain. Start him on metronidazole. If he's lucky, he'll get to see his plastic Parkldren walk down the aisle. [Adams leaves the room.]"
+Henry, My neck feels much better.
+Adams," Your fEver's gone, and your liver function's almost back to normal. You should be able to go home soon."
+Henry, I'm going to have some hospital bills to pay. I don't suppose used sex dolls go for anything online. [Adams laughs and heads for the door. Henry stops her.] Dr. Adams? Can I get your email?
+Adams, What for?
+Henry, I just thought maybe we could see each other again.
+Henry," No, I know. It's a professionalism thing, but you won't be my doctor when I get out of here."
+Adams, It's not that. It's�
+Henry," What is it? You said I should change my life. You were talking about yourself, too. I know you were."
+Adams," Henry, I-I think you should ask Molly out."
+Henry, I should have known this would happen.
+Adams," You're a good guy, Henry. You deserve more than a doll. Promise me you'll keep trying."
+Henry, Okay.
+Park, Date tonight? So she can't deal. There's someone out there who can. You just got to find her.
+Taub," I'd love to prove House wrong, but! I ruined my marriage, broke two people's hearts, had two kids who are always going to wonder why I didn't love their mommy enough. It's better if I just! focus on what I do have. [He closes his locker.] Give that band guy a call."
+Park," I'm not that good at guitar. Or flirting or small talk. I'm not as pretty as Adams, I have stuffy clothes, and I hate my hair."
+Taub," Adams works 80 hours a week fixing bunions on hobos because she can't face getting to know someone new. Trust me. You find a boyfriend, she'll be the jealous one. [He leaves.]"
+Chase, See you tomorrow.
+Adams, Do you!
+Adams, Want to get a drink?
+Adams," Oh, I! It's just, um! I think it's time for a change."
+Chase, Yeah.
+Adams, Yeah. [Chase leaves.]
+Park," No, mom. I'm still at work. I'll be home in a couple hours. Love you too."
+Micah," Ready? [She nods.] One, two, three, four."
+Park,"?? They say we're young and we don't know, we won't find out until we grow"
+Micah,"?? Well, I don't know if all that's true 'cause you got me and baby I got you"
+ He opens it, Dominika's green card has been approved.]
+Dominika, I fix blender.
+House, So I see.
+Dominika, I had fun seducing hooker's fake fianc�e. Sorry it didn't work.
+House," Yeah, I thought I'd take a break from the whole hooker thing."
+Dominika, I think maybe you need milk shake. Is pistaParko.
+House, I'm! gonna go to bed. See you tomorrow.
+Lue, Who are you? What are you doing? Get out of here! Mom!
+Lida," Lue? Lue? You okay? [The Woman is gone. Lue gasps for air but continues to choke.] Okay, Honey. Calm down. It's all right. You're just having another bad dream."
+Lue, I can't breathe!
+Lida," Yes, you can. You're fine. Just relax. Just take slow, deep breaths. Nice and easy. There's nothing to be afraid of."
+Lue, I'm! trying! but I can't!
+Lida," Relax. Slow, deep breaths."
+Lue, I! can't.
+Lida," Lue? Oh, my God. Lue? Lue, wake up! Wake up, Lue! Come on! Lue!"
+Foreman, Been paging you for over two hours.
+House, I must've been in the shower. Then I had to moisturize.
+Foreman," Eight-year-old boy was brought into the ER last night with acute respiratory distress. [House grabs a pack of Parkps.] No history of � [Foreman pauses to pull a dollar out of his pocket which he puts on the counter to pay for House's food] � no histories of asthma or allergies, and his chest X-ray's clear."
+House," Actually, I had to moisturize twice. Dominika made oysters Rockefeller last night."
+Foreman, Kid's been having night terrors. Woke up in the middle of one in full respiratory arrest.
+House, Stress induced panic attack. Tell the parents to lay off the grades. The world needs fry cooks too.
+Foreman," Does great in school. The parents are divorced, but it was amicable. And the dad's moved out of state."
+House, Have you seen Wilson around?
+Foreman," The dreams are about an ugly, old hag trying to strangle him. [House turns and looks at Foreman, interested. He pushes the elevator door open with his cane.] The family's Hmong."
+House," SUNDS � sudden unexpected nocturnal death syndrome, aka BS name for ""no one's figured out why they died.""� Over 100 in the early '80s. Only male. Only Hmong. Healthy right up until the moment they died in their sleep."
+Chase, What was he dreaming about?
+Park, It doesn't matter. It's a dream. It doesn't mean anything.
+Chase," If the nightmare's scary enough, meaningful or not, it could cause a Catecholamine surge and ventricular fibrillation. An ancient demon called a Dab was sitting on him, strangling him. I think that qualifies."
+Taub," Except in the rational part of the file, where it says his EKG's within normal limits. It's not his heart."
+Adams, What about obstructive sleep apnea?
+House, Sleep apnea wouldn't have caused breathing pRoblems after he woke up. What did you dream of?
+Park, I nEver remember my dreams.
+House, But you're certain that they're insignificant. Defensively so.
+Park, I was defending science.
+House, You were defensively defending science.
+Park, Lung damage from inhaled toxins could keep causing pRoblems after he woke up.
+Adams, Or an upper respiratory infection.
+House," Okay, Chase and Park, start IV antibiotics for pneumonia. Taub and Adams, go check the home for toxins."
+Park, Could I go with Taub? It was my idea.
+House," Right! 'cause for a moment there, I thought you were uncomfortable around Chase because you'd had a nocturnal Australian. [She looks uncomfortable. Taub, Adams look at Chase who looks at Park.] You can go with whoEver you want. But all of you, read all of these files."
+Chase, Do you beliEve a spirit could be hurting your son?
+Lida," No, of course not."
+Chase," Because if he's been taught to beliEve that, it is possible for the fear alone to affect heart function."
+Lida, [slightly condescendingly] I'm an engineer. I know illnesses aren't caused by evil spirits.
+Chase," I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I just! had to check."
+Lida, Anything else you need to check?
+Chase, No.
+House, I had a dream.
+Wilson, House! we can talk later.
+House," Relax, I'm a doctor. Your spectacular breasts mean nothing to me."
+Wilson, House! House! [He gets House's attention and gestures to the door.]
+Wilson, Later. [He starts to go back inside.]
+House, I had sex with Dominika.
+Wilson, In a dream?
+House," It wasn't literally sex. Technically, it was flossing. You know, teeth, testicles. I think the symbolism is pretty clear."
+Wilson," ""Later""� just changed to ""nEver.""�"
+Taub," I'll tell you what would be weirder, if you didn't dream about having sex with Chase."
+Park, Have you?
+Taub," No. But I've dreamed about having sex with a lot of people I work with, and it didn't freak me out."
+Park, That's different.
+Taub, How?
+Park," 'Cause you've actually had sex with a lot of people at work, and that hasn't freaked you out."
+Taub, Good point. So you're worried about what it means?
+Park," I'm not worried. It means nothing. It means something, doesn't it? I work with him. I can't want to sleep with him."
+Taub, Maybe Chase just represents work. You're just falling in love with your job.
+Park, It has been very satisfying lately.
+Taub, You smell that?
+Park, Yeah. Smells like wet dog.
+Taub, It's mold.
+Park, It's not mold.
+Taub, It's definitely mold. [They get to the top of the stairs and look around.] I don't see any sign of water damage.
+Taub, Holy crap.
+Taub, It looked like a slaughterHouse.
+Lida, I don't know what you're talking about. It was clean when we left.
+Taub, You're telling us some random person broke into your House to dismember a pig in your son's bedroom?
+Lida, A pig? My father-in-law.
+Lida, What did you do?
+Xang," What you should have done weeks ago, when the dreams started. I'm saving Lue."
+Nurse, [voice] He's coding! Need a doctor in here!
+Nurse, V-tach. No pulse.
+Lida," Oh, my God!"
+Park, Push 1 milligram EPI!
+Taub, Paddles. Charge to 50.
+Nurse, Charging!
+Taub, Clear!
+Lida, Baby!
+Park, Still V-tach!
+Taub, Charge to 100!
+Nurse, [dialing the defibrillator up] 100!
+Taub, Clear! [looks at the monitor] Charging�
+Park, Wait! Normal sinus rhythm.
+Lida," Oh, God!"
+Taub," He's stable, but we've obviously got a second symptom."
+House," Yeah, yeah, yeah, kid in V-tach. Tell me about the luau in his bedroom."
+Park, It's a traditional Hmong ceremony that's supposed to call back the kid's soul.
+House, Hasn't he heard of Star-69?
+Taub," There's more. The reason grandpa thinks the kid's soul is stolen is because he's convinced his son, the kid's father, had his stolen as well. He beat his boss to death. The dad didn't move away. He's in prison."
+Adams, PTSD could definitely cause breathing pRoblems�
+Park, It's not PTSD.
+Adams," Even if the kid wasn't there, just hearing what the dad did�"
+Park," But he hasn't. It happened when he was two, and all he's Ever been told is that his parents divorced and his dad moved away."
+Chase, The heart thing indiCates a malignant arrhythmia. He needs an E.P. study.
+House, How Many of the other files showed malignant arrhythmias?
+Chase," None, but�"
+House, Forget the E.P.
+Taub, What about acute pericarditis? Explains the dyspnea.
+House, How Many of the other files�
+Taub," It's exacerbated by lying supine, so the symptoms would get worse when he goes to sleep. Just like all 100 of the others."
+House, [nods] Do an echo to check the pericardium. See if you can find any cardioactive toxins in the home samples.
+Park, Can I just say that I very much enjoy my job?
+House," No, no, please. No need to apologize for your earlier behavior. [He opens a bag and drops a plastic take-out container on the desk.] Floss was mint pRobably because of this green G-string she hangs up to dry in the bathroom."
+Wilson," [checking the time] My watch must have stopped. Apparently it's already ""nEver.""�"
+House," You might want to forward your calls. You do not want the Reader's Digest version on this. There was a very tight hygienist's uniform, suggestive use of the water sprayer�"
+Wilson," The floss isn't sex. It's guilt. It's tying you up for throwing away the I.N.S. notification granting Dominika her citizenship. [gets up] She can move out, but she still doesn't know it, which means you're basically holding her prisoner. Tell her the truth, and leave me alone."
+Chase, Really?
+Park, What? You startled me.
+Chase," We work together Every day, usually under a fair amount of stress. It's only natural I'd pop into a subconscious thought Every once in a while."
+Park, Have you Ever dreamt about having sex with me?
+Chase, No.
+Park, You paused.
+Chase," No, I didn't. You think I'm lying?"
+Park," No, I think you're fighting the urge to snap the word ""no"" because your subconscious finds the idea abhorrent."
+Chase," So if I snap, it's offensive, and if I don't snap, it's offensive for the exact same reason?"
+Park, Talk to your subconscious.
+Chase, This is becoming weird because you're making it weird.
+Park, So you don't find the idea abhorrent?
+Chase, I work with you. I don't have to answer that question.
+Park, You just did. [They reach Lue's room. Taub comes out.] What happened?
+Taub," Echo was negative, but he has sEvere abdominal pain."
+Adams," Ultrasound didn't suggest any intestinal blockages, but he's sEverely constipated."
+Park," No spores, clostridium, or organic toxins in the kitchen samples. Nothing in the bedroom either."
+Adams," We need to scope him, and we're gonna need to clear his bowel first."
+Chase, We should biopsy his thyroid.
+Adams, For an impacted bowel?
+Chase," Hashimoto's thyroiditis would explain his lung, heart, and intestinal involvement. And if you think we still need House's approval, it also explains dying in your sleep."
+Park, Nice call.
+Dominika," When you invite me for dinner, I thought maybe you take me to a restaurant. Or have plates."
+House," Yeah, sorry. Idiot delivery guy forgot them."
+Dominika," Mm! The idiot delivery guy, or the idiot guy whose food you stole from lounge refrigerator, huh?"
+House, You've gotten to know me pretty well.
+Dominika," [grinning] My citizenship depends on it, right?"
+House, Yeah! that's actually why I wanted to talk to you.
+Dominika, [instantly serious and excited] You heard news?
+House, Yeah.
+Dominika, So what news? They want us to come in for another interview?
+House," No. [Long pause. House looks away and down before reestablishing eye contact.] Since we hadn't heard anything, I""�I called, and they said it's gonna be a couple weeks, maybe a month till they finalize their decision."
+Dominika, A month?
+House," Yeah, I know. It sucks."
+Dominika," No, it's � it's not suck to live with you. It's been fun, but! you know, I just want to be legal."
+House, And you will be. Absolutely. In the meantime!
+Dominika, Hmm?
+House, Have you Ever shot anyone?
+Lue," No, get away."
+Adams," Look, this needle isn't nearly as big as the one in your arm, and that didn't hurt, did it?"
+Lue, I don't want it.
+Lida," They need to do it, Lue."
+Taub," You'll only feel a little pinch as we give you the numbing medicine, and after that, you won't feel a thing."
+Lue, No!
+Lida," Lue, calm down. It's gonna be okay."
+Lue, [responds angrily in an Asian-sounding language.]
+Adams, What's he saying? What's the pRoblem?
+Lida, I don't know.
+Xang, He's saying it's too late. There's nothing we can do. [Lida looks at him.] It's Hmong.
+Lida, He doesn't speak Hmong. He's nEver Even heard it.
+Xang, It isn't him speaking. It's the Dab.
+Taub, He's seizing!
+Lida," Oh�! Oh, my God!"
+Taub, Need some Lorazepam in here!
+Chase, Seizure rules out Hashimoto's.
+Taub," Yeah, that's the issue, not that we have no rational explanation for how the Patient spoke a language he's nEver Even heard."
+House," I've got one. Dang tong lee twah. It means ""you're a bunch of pathetic idiots"" in Hmong. [He turns his laptop around so they can see the screen with the computer translator on it.] Or it doesn't. But you wouldn't know because none of you speak Hmong. Kid, on the other hand, is presumably fluent in gibberish."
+Adams, The grandfather speaks Hmong. He translated.
+House," He heard what he wanted to hear, 'cause if his grandson really is possessed, that means his son really is possessed, which is a giant step up from being a sledgehammering psychopath."
+Chase, WhatEver it was preceded a seizure. It's obviously a neurological symptom.
+Park," Scleroderma, advanced to the point that it's affecting his brain?"
+House, [nods slightly] Interesting.
+Chase, So we should start treating�
+House," Interesting that you keep falling for it when I say ""interesting.""� The scleroderma part was idiotic � we'd have seen skin involvement. The interesting part is that you and Park agree, but you're not able to look at each other."
+Chase, Um! I'm looking at her.
+Park, I'm looking at him. [She does.]
+House," Good, now lick your lips."
+Adams, Rasmussen's encephalitis. Diffuse spotty inflammation could hit the autonomic centers of the brain.
+House," Cha mo tie mia boo chang. It's Hmong for ""get an MRI to confirm.""�"
+Lida, Rasmussen's encephalitis. But he'll be okay?
+Chase," With treatment, it's Manageable. And it explains all the things that have happened to him?"
+Chase, We think so.
+Xang, You are wrong. And you are wasting my grandson's time.
+Chase," Neurological issues can cause a person to speak in tongues, speak with an accent�"
+Xang, He wasn't speaking in tongues!
+Chase," In times of stress, our senses can fool us into believing�"
+Xang," I know the difference between science and faith, and when my son started having the same dreams my grandson is having, science couldn't help him."
+Chase, I'm sorry if your son suffered from mental illness.
+Xang," Kao was not crazy. He was bright, caring, happy, until the bad dreams came. I don't want to watch it happen again."
+Chase, Please don't scare the boy. It won't help him get better.
+Taub, Axial view of mid-brain lEvel looks good. Moving on to thalamic.
+Park, I had another dream last night. This time it was about you.
+Taub, [intrigued] Really?
+Park," See, that's how you're supposed to react. When a Woman tells you she's dreamt about you, you should be thrilled, Even if you're not interested in her whatsoEver."
+Taub," You're an idiot, you know that?"
+Park," Well, I definitely won't be dreaming about you tonight."
+Taub," I'm jealous of you two. You couldn't be more different, and yet you have this good thing happening. You support each other. You like each other. Don't let House screw it up."
+Park, We're not that different.
+Taub," Yeah, you are."
+House," Apparently, there are some things about you I don't know."
+Dominika, I served one year in police unit.
+House, And you're just telling your husband now?
+Dominika, Immigration doesn't know. No need for husband to know. [House's beeper goes off. He checks the message.] What is happening to boy with demons?
+House," Absence of evidence on an MRI, which my team has mistaken for evidence of absence."
+Dominika," [She sends a fresh target out.] This is what I am not understanding: How can you beliEve in dark matters but not in dark spirits? Is""�is the idea of demons so different than the Higgs boson? We can't see it, but we can see the impact of its presence. [He stares at her.] I borrowed your physics book. I read while in bathroom."
+House, You're a dead-eye shot and enjoy reading quantum physics on the crapper?
+Dominika, I read in bathtub.
+House, Better image. Thank you.
+Lue, The doctors say my brain is sick.
+Xang," Your doctors are trying their best, but they're not looking in the right place. You know, I know this is a lot to put on an eight-year-old, but you have angered our ancestors by ignoring them. Now do you remember how to talk to them? [Lue nods and crosses his arms across his chest.] Yeah, that's right. Good. Now close your eyes, and we will ask for forgiveness together. You're doing good. [pats Lue's shoulder] But we have to do more. The evil spirits are in the air, and the only way to stop them is by stopping the air. [He gently brushes the hair off Lue's forehead then clamps his hand over his grandson's mouth and nose. Lue struggles but the hand that was patting him on the shoulder is now holding holding his throat. He chokes.] You have to be brave. I'm not trying to hurt you. This will help you. I know it will."
+Taub, Lue? You okay?
+Lida, I can't wake him up!
+Taub," Lue! Lue, you're safe. You're in the hospital."
+Lue, [shaking] Get grandpa away!
+Lida," He's not here, Honey. It was just a dream."
+Lue, He was choking me!
+Taub," No, Lue, it wasn't real."
+Lue, It was! He grabbed my neck!
+Taub, Those bruises weren't there before.
+Taub," He had the dream, and then he had the bruising."
+House," More likely � and by ""likely,""� I mean ""rationally""� � it's the other way around. His brain felt the pain in his neck and created the dream to explain it."
+Adams, Coagulopathy? Lung pRoblems cause a clotting disturbance.
+Park, He would have bruises Everywhere.
+Taub, Is it really preposterous that dreams can have physical Manifestations?
+House," Well, short answer is�"
+Taub, Thoughts during sleep can and do cause physical changes.
+House," Is that right, Dr. Park? Did you wake up this morning experiencing physical changes? It's medically relevant."
+Chase, Her dream doesn't mean anything. Can we start acting like it doesn't mean anything?
+House," Sure. We could also start acting like walls don't mean anything, but then we'd hurt our noses. You've been taking the high road. You haven't been teasing in an obviously teasable situation because you know it does mean something. She hates the dream because it makes her feel vulnerable. You love the dream because it makes you feel superior. The poor lass who can't help but fall sway to your charms, and you're bestowing upon her the gift of illusory irrelevance."
+Taub, [to Adams] Can you please hint to House that you had a sex dream? I'd really prefer not to get distracted with trying to cure the Patient today.
+Adams," I refuse to divulge my dreams about girl-on-girl loofa action. The bruising could indiCate anemia, a vitamin C deficiency, or Even leukemia."
+House, That is so weird that you and I had the same dream. I assume yours also ends with me aParkeving ecstasy while simultaneously placing third in the New York City marathon.
+Park, Third?
+House," I'm a realist. Liver failure can cause gibberish from encephalopathy, constipation, bruising, and breathing pRoblems."
+Adams, Hepatic fibrosis could hit someone his age.
+House, So let's hit his liver. Get a biopsy.
+Adams, Angle a bit more superiorly.
+Lida," He keeps having these nightmares that become real. They really hurt him. I don't want to beliEve that a nightmare can do that, but I�"
+Taub," I'm struggling with it too, but these things can be explained medically."
+Lida," But you haven't. Every doctor, Every idea they've had, it's been wrong."
+Park, Liver biopsy's back. Team's about to meet. [She turns to leave.]
+Chase, Back to avoiding eye contact with me? House got to you again?
+Park, Want me to gaze longingly into your eyes as I tell you the test results?
+Chase," I want you to treat me like a friend, which means getting over the fact that you like me more than I like you."
+Park," Yeah, egotism and preening really turn me on."
+Chase," [approaParkng her] Too bad I'm not attracted to androgyny and self-pity, or you'd have it made."
+Park, [stepping closer to him] Because anyone who hasn't gotten wet from your petri dish of STDs clearly has low self-esteem!
+Chase, Bitch.
+Park, Dick!
+Chase, Why didn't your lips move when you said that?
+Park, Chase! [She's at the door.] You coming? Liver biopsy's back.
+Chase, I'll be right there.
+Adams, Biopsy was negative for fibrosis.
+Lida," So once again, you don't know what's wrong?"
+Taub, It's always good to rule out the bad things.
+Nurse, Doctors!
+Park, God!
+Taub, [to Adams] Was he!?
+Adams, Yes.
+Taub, He was levitating.
+House, Cool. So the one thing we know for sure is he was not levitating.
+Adams, He was floating 6 inches off the bed.
+Chase, [to Park] He could've just been arParkng his back off the bed.
+Taub," Yes, but then I would have come into the room and reported that the Patient was weirdly arParkng his back off the bed. [House grabs his cane and gets up.] It was his whole body. He was levitating."
+House," So Many questions! starting with why did Chase address his comment to someone who wasn't Even in the room? Hocus pocus, on my feet you idiots must focus."
+House, Uh! uh! extreme! drained!
+Taub, The kid's not a magician.
+House," Of course not. He's the lovely assistant. 'Cause grandpa pig sticker is waving the wand. Middling with! is Chase trying to avoid Taub, or is he trying to prove that he's not avoiding Park?"
+Adams, We checked the bed. There were no platforms or wires. This wasn't a trick.
+Park, Tetanus could cause muscle rigidity. Maybe he was propped up by his heel and elbow.
+Taub, Except he wasn't!
+House," Tetanus wouldn't cause that kind of breathing difficulty. And ending with! if Chase is trying not to avoid Park, why is he doing this today and not yesterday?"
+Chase," But hypocalcemia could, and the enema we administered to cure his constipation had a high phosphorous load, which could make him transiently hypocalcemic."
+House," It's a long shot, but at least it has the benefit of being rational. Go pump up his electrolytes and start beta-blockers. And good news for Park: I think Chase had a sex dream about you."
+Chase, Dreams don't mean anything.
+Lida, I don't know. Nothing you've done has helped.
+Chase," If we don't start and he has another seizure, the neurological damage could be perManent."
+Lida, My father-in-law � he thinks the calling ceremony didn't work because Lue wasn't there.
+Taub, And you think he's right?
+Lida, I don't know.
+Taub," I'm sorry, but there's no way we can allow him to perform an exorcism in your son's hospital room."
+Lida, Then I will have to take him home.
+Chase," A day ago, you were insulted I'd Even think you might beliEve that stuff, and now you're willing to stop all treatment, so you can try it?"
+Lida, Maybe Xang was right about Kao. The Man I loved wasn't evil and would nEver do what he did. He was! possessed. And my son needs his soul back.
+Foreman," Why not? As long as he doesn't feed the kid anything or put anything on his skin that we haven't verified is harmless, what's the pRoblem?"
+House," I agree. And since we're establishing a new policy of ""What the hell, we'll try anything,""� I'd like to hire Shakira to belly dance while singing Waka Waka."
+Foreman, As long as you get the mom and Shakira to consent. It's no different than having a priest or rabbi lead a prayer vigil. The mom is scared and confused and desperate for anything that'll give her hope.
+House," True. But in the long run, I think you'll be happier having our Lawyer declare her unfit. That way you won't be ratifying superstition over science, and I'll still be working here."
+Foreman," And why would that make me happier? [House didn't see that one coming.] You're not going anywhere, and we're not ""ratifying""� their beliefs, we're respecting them."
+House, You do realize it may involve animal sacrifice. [Oops. Foreman didn't see that one.] People who live in glass hospitals should not throw exorcisms.
+Foreman, I'll talk to the mother.
+Lida," I don't want to deny him the medicine, I just! want to make sure I try Everything I can."
+Foreman," I understand that, but you have to understand that we're a hospital, not a temple."
+Lida, Then I'll take him elsewhere.
+Foreman," No, you won't. He's sick. We can't let him leave here. I'm sorry, you really have no choice."
+Lida," I spoke to a Lawyer. He told me as long as I wasn't saying no to your treatment, you couldn't say no to my religion."
+Foreman, Give me 24 hours.
+Dominika," �амо, це не має значення! Я маю право знати... �амо, я повинна йти. Я подзвоню тобі пізніше. Цілую. Пока."
+s pronounced," Mamo, tse ne maye znachennya! Ya mayu pravo znaty! Mamo, ya povynna iyti. Tsiluyu. Poka."
+And it means," Mom, it doesn't matter! I have a right to know! Mom, I have to go. Kiss you. Bye.]"
+Dominika, This came in the mail today!
+House, I'm sorry. I should've told you.
+Dominika, Told me what? I don't understand.
+House, What's the letter?
+Dominika," It's from my Uncle in Poland. My Aunt Luba, they put her in nursing home two months ago!"
+House, That's too bad.
+Dominika," My mother, I talk to her twice a week and she nEver Even mentioned it. Wh""�what does she think? That I can't handle? I am 29 years old! I am not a Parkld! [He hugs her and she clings to him like a Parkld. She sniffles a couple of times.] Were you going out tonight?"
+House, I could stay.
+Lida, He's still barely breathing.
+Adams," Lue? How you feeling? Any stronger? Lue, can you hear me?"
+Lida, What's wrong?
+Adams," I'm not sure. Lue, I need you to squeeze my hand. He's not responding. [to nurse] Get me an amp of D50!"
+Lida, You were wrong again? I'm calling his grandfather.
+Chase, Genetic tests for Brugada and long QT variants came back negative.
+Taub, What about a carotid aneurysm? We should do an angiogram.
+Adams, He's got normal carotid pulses.
+House," Who cares? Mom's given up, why shouldn't I?"
+Chase," I'm sorry, do we not treat idiots? Because I thought�"
+Taub," Her kid levitated. That happens to my girl, I'm expanding my diagnostic horizons."
+House," All the more reason why we should shut down. We cure this kid now, crazy grandpa and his magic beads get all the credit."
+Adams, And since when do you care about credit?
+House," Since when do I care about this kid? All I care about is sending mommy out into the world having faith in faith. Kid's better off dead. As soon as she's done appeasing the gods, let's talk."
+Chase," What about Kawasaki? It explains the irregular heartbeat, respiratory distress, and seizures."
+Park, It fits.
+Adams, Which means he needs a coronary bypass.
+House, It can't be Kawasaki. Echo would have shown it. But a patent ductus arteriosis�
+Taub," It can't be a PDA. He's not an infant, nor has he had any symptoms for eight years."
+House," Maybe he has. Maybe he had an infected ductus, which we inadvertently treated with antibiotics."
+Taub, So no evidence is evidence of evidence?
+House," I'm just saying, it's consistent."
+Adams, It's a billion-to-one.
+House, Which means there's sEven people in the world who fit the diagnosis.
+Taub, I thought we were looking for 100.
+House," Well, maybe PDA is more common than we thought. With idiot doctors like you�"
+Adams," [snaps at House] You're wrong. [calmer] But the treatment's just ibuprofen. Closes the malformed duct. Worst-case scenario, he just doesn't get better"
+House," No, worst-case scenario is you piss me off�"
+Chase, You're not gonna let us save an eight-year-old because one more person might embrace religion?
+House," Does anyone here think my diagnosis is right? [No one moves.] Well, then I have decided for today only, to respect your opinions. We will proceed according to your diagnosis and nothing else. That's an order. Good luck."
+Taub, We need to put him on the O.R. schedule.
+Adams, His B.P.'s dropping.
+Taub, He's crashing. Call a code!
+Adams, [to Lida] You need to stop this! [She gestures at Xang who is still shaking the bells.] I'm giving him the ibuprofen.
+Dominika, Dinner's almost ready.
+House," I think I'll stick with the fluids tonight, thanks."
+Dominika, [entering] Why are you sulking?
+House, I'm not sulking.
+Dominika," Ohhh, my mistake. [She gets on the bed next to him, takes his glass and takes a sip.] Mmm."
+House," Either religion is killing a kid, or I am. [She looks at him for a moment then slides over and straddles him.] What are you doing?"
+Dominika," Comforting my husband after a bad day. [She smiles and strokes his face then leans down and kisses him. He doesn't respond. He looks terrified � too scared to Even breathe.] If this is not what you want, I go back to making dinner."
+House, I'm not gonna answer that.
+Dominika," Oh, smart Man. [after more kissing] This is killing mood. [She turns toward the phone, sees the caller ID and gets excited.] U.S. citizenship!"
+House, I'll get it.
+Dominika," [gets to the phone first] This is Mrs. House, please give good news, so my husband and I can go back to sex. Budmo! [Буд�мо! means ""Cheers!""�] Is fantastic! [The person on the other end says something and her smile fades. She looks at House who drops eye contact and looks guilty.] How Many notices you send me? O""�okay, I""�I""�I! I""�I come pick up naturalization certifiCate. Thank you for calling."
+House, I'm sorry.
+ICU Nurse," Dr. Adams, Dr. Taub? His vitals are improving. He's stabilizing."
+Taub, He's gonna be okay.
+Lida, [to Xang] It worked.
+Adams," Um, no, it didn't. Mrs. Cheng, the medicine I administered was a long-shot treatment for Lue's heart, but that's what's helping him."
+Lida, Ibuprofen? That's for headaches.
+Adams," I know it seems hard to beliEve, but it's true."
+Lida, And I know this seems hard for you to beliEve. [to Lue] Honey! Grandpa was right. He saved you.
+Taub, [to Adams] There were two things we thought were impossible. One of them wasn't. That's all we know.
+Park, Was I good?
+Chase, [He grins slightly.] Doesn't mean anything. Idea got planted. It was pRobably inevitable. [He pushes for the elevator again.]
+Park, It means something.
+Chase, What?
+Park," Well, it could mean the obvious, that you want some of this."
+Park," When will you learn that that look is insulting? Or it could just mean that we like each other. I'm weird, and you're pretty, but we connect. We feel safe. We trust each other."
+Chase, [nods] Maybe.
+Park, [with a slight smile] Just testing my theory.
+House, Adams defied me. There's one more zealot in the world. [sits on the couch] And Dominika moved out. She was fun. She was hot. She fixed my blender. That is not a metaphor. You know any good fake divorce Lawyers? I am surprisingly depressed by this.
+Wilson, I have cancer.
+House, You were a little short with me the other day. You do need an excuse. Cancer may be overplaying it.
+Wilson," Stage II thymoma. I didn't want to tell you until I had it confirmed. I got the tests back this morning. I have cancer, House. [The news sinks in.]"
+Simon," Three, two, one. Yeah! Whoo!"
+Simon," What do you want to do next? Uh, swings? (Emily shakes her head no and Simon mimics her) Okay. Um, crawl tube?"
+Emily, Nah.
+Simon," Nah? Well, I think we're running out of options, Honey."
+Emily, I want to go on the merry-go-round.
+Simon, The m � again?
+Emily, But this time all by myself.
+Simon," Oh. I don't know, jellybean."
+Emily," Daddy, I'm six. I'm not a baby anymore. (putting her clasped hands under her Parkn and looking adorable) Please?"
+Simon, You ready?
+Emily, Uh-huh.
+Simon," All right. Come here. (squatting down) I'll take beary. (Emily reaches for the ticket, but Simon pulls it back) Mm. Now you promise you're not gonna tell mommy, right? She'll kick my butt if she finds out."
+Emily, Pinky swear.
+Simon, (holding out the ticket) All right. Go get 'em.
+Simon, Remember to hold on tight.
+Emily, I will.
+Simon, (yelling) Stop the ride!
+Simon," Emily! Emily, where are you?"
+Simon," Em? Emily? Emily? Emily, where are you, Honey?"
+Simon," Oh, Em. Emily. Honey? (yelling loudly) Help me!"
+House," (entering the room) Is that our precious little bundle of tumor? They grow up so fast, don't they?"
+Wilson, How did you know I was here?
+House, How do you think?
+Wilson, Foreman.
+House," Actually, that would have been easier. No, I followed you."
+Wilson, It didn't occur to you that that might mean I don't want you involved in my cancer treatment?
+House, I'm not here as a doctor. I'm here as a towering pillar of strength.
+Wilson, Be a pillar in the Parking lot.
+House," No. How Many times have I told you I wanted to be alone and you've made yourself a pain in the ass? I owe you. My word, not a word."
+Wilson," Realizing I'm most likely going to regret this, all right."
+Wilson, What � what are you doing?
+House," (mixing himself a drink) My best friend has cancer. Cut me some slack. Also, spring break. I'm on vacation. (House puts an umbrella in his drink and settles back on the couch) Although looking at you now, I can tell the wet t-shirt contest is pRobably gonna suck."
+Taub, House taking time off is a bad sign.
+Adams," (putting on her lab coat) ""A bad sign."" You think the apocalypse is coming because House wants to be there for Wilson?"
+Taub, Yes. You're new.
+Foreman, We got a case. (He starts handing out the files) Six-year-old with a nosebleed and breathing pRoblems. She was born with a rare mutation of AT.
+Elizabeth," Emily has a unique variant on both of her ATM genes. Her disorder mimics AT, but not all of the symptoms."
+Foreman, This is Dr. Elizabeth Lawson. She's a dEvelopmental geneticist attached to JHU and an expert on the girl's condition.
+Chase, (looking at the file) Elizabeth Lawson. Emily Lawson.
+Elizabeth," I'm here as a doctor, not a mother."
+Taub, Nosebleeds and breathing pRoblems are common symptoms of ataxia telangiectasia.
+Park, We could just be seeing the natural progression of�
+Elizabeth, (interrupting) It's not. AT Patients have a life expectancy of 20 years. Emily is only six. It's something else. I examined her lungs two days ago. They're functioning normally.
+Adams, It says she fell off a carousel. Head trauma�
+Elizabeth," If the diagnosis was easy, I wouldn't need you people. I'm here because, according to Eric, you're the best."
+Park, We are. Have you considered Wegener's granulomatosis?
+Elizabeth, It's a good fit. But she can't have X-rays. AT makes her hypersensitive to ionizing radiation. I'll get her prepped for an MRI.
+Foreman, She knows more about her daughter's genetic condition than any of you. She'll be an asset.
+Chase," Or she won't, Eric."
+Foreman, This isn't a request. Use her.
+ Kondo, The tumor's spread to the surrounding tissue. We're gonna have to shrink it before we remove it surgically.
+Wilson," I'm more interested in exactly how you plan to do that, Mike."
+ Kondo," We start conservative. Daily radiation treatments for three weeks. And, if it doesn't shrink enough after that, we'll add the chemo�"
+Wilson," And, if it hasn't shrunk enough after that, I'm dead."
+ Kondo," Look, you have over a 75% chance that the radiation alone is enough. Relax. Caught this in time."
+Wilson, CatParkng it in time would have been before it invaded the tissue around my thymus. I want the radiation and the chemo concurrently.
+ Kondo," Why stress your immune system unnecessarily? Let's just go with my plan, okay? The radiation first�"
+Wilson, (getting up) I'm gonna get a second opinion.
+ Kondo," Are you serious? Look, I've seen you recommend this exact treatment dozens of times."
+Wilson, We're done here. I'll look for a doctor with some actual balls.
+ Kondo," (to House) Hey, you need to talk to your friend. He's embarrassing himself. A doctor should be able to handle his own illness with a little bit more dignity."
+House, I agree with Wilson.
+ Kondo, My recommended treatment is sound.
+House," No, I meant about the ball-less part. Explains the office. (House leaves the office)"
+Simon," It was a merry-go-round. She's a kid, Liz. We were having fun. You should try it sometime."
+Elizabeth," Fun? She's six, not you. You know she has balance issues."
+Simon, I know that she's�
+Elizabeth," (to Taub and Adams) This is Emily's father, Simon. He was with her when the symptoms occurred."
+Simon, I had her all week. She was fine.
+Taub, We could come back.
+Elizabeth, No need. Patient's ready for transport.
+Elizabeth," Wake up, sleepy head. (She pulls a stuffed penguin out of her coat pocket and presents it to Emily) I saw it in the gift shop. I know how much you like them."
+Emily, Thanks.
+Elizabeth, They're gonna take you for an MRI now.
+Adams," (leaning over the bed) It means ""magic really cool images."""
+Emily," I thought it stood for ""magnetic resonance imaging."""
+Simon, We've spent a lot of time in hospitals.
+House, B-9.
+Wilson, Hit. And I hate you. (drinking a shot of liquor) Ugh. I'm done.
+House, (peeking around the pizza box lids) I sunk your battleship?
+Wilson, (He lowers both lids so he can see House) No. But I think I'm gonna puke.
+House," Good. Now that you're sufficiently buzzed, what was the reason behind you freaking out on Kondo? Are you scared? In denial?"
+Wilson," I know you get confused any time someone thinks that you're wrong, but it's not considered freaking out for a Patient to ask for a second opinion."
+House," Okay, well, here it is. Kondo is right. You should be in radiology right now."
+Wilson, Well done. You've kept your word for almost (looking at his watch) two hours.
+House," Every day you wait, our pal toomie is growing larger in your chest. If you want to live, stop screwing around and do something about it."
+Wilson, Good idea. I think I'll start with spending spring break on my own.
+Adams," How you feeling in there, Emily?"
+Emily," Good, I guess."
+Adams, Is something wrong?
+Emily, I was only pretending to be asleep. You think that's dishonest?
+Adams," Uh, that's�"
+Taub," My daughters do that too. But they know that sometimes, when it seems like mommy and daddy are fighting, it's really only because they're worried about you."
+Emily, And does your wife Ever want a divorce?
+Taub, No. Everything's fine at home. Hold still now. No more talking.
+Adams," What do you think of her mother? She called her daughter ""the Patient.""�"
+Taub," If my kids were born with an expiration date, I don't�"
+Emily, Ow!
+Emily, Ow! Ow-ee!
+Taub, Where does it hurt?
+Emily, I want my daddy. Where's my daddy? Ow! Ow!
+Taub, We were able to restore circulation to her hands and feet before any perManent damage set in.
+Chase, Primary Raynaud's? The cold inside the MRI room could have set it off.
+Adams, Stress can also precipitate the condition.
+Elizabeth," She's shown no evidence of cold sensitivity, and she has no pRoblems with MRI maParknes."
+Adams, There are other kinds of stress. She heard you and your husband
+Elizabeth," Unfortunately, she's heard a lot worse than that before. It's not stress."
+Taub, Could be secondary Raynaud's. Lupus is consistent with Emily's symptoms
+Elizabeth," Her lymph nodes aren't enlarged, and she has shown no signs of immune activation. (she pauses for a moment) It could be heavy metal poisoning."
+Park, From what? The carousel? She was only on it for a minute.
+Elizabeth," Simon moved into an old apartment building three weeks ago. I'm sure he has no idea what the insulation's made of, what kind of paint. He's a good father, but when it comes to Emily's health � (taking of her lab coat) I'm gonna get his keys and check for environmentals."
+Chase, Lupus is a better fit.
+Elizabeth," I don't mean to pull rank here, but I am her mother."
+Chase, I thought you said you were here as a doctor.
+Elizabeth," And as a doctor, I need parental consent. See above. While I'm gone, please start her on Chelation Therapy. (She leaves)"
+Chase, She's the mother. So let's treat her like any other mother.
+Chase, I think we just hit the environmental mother lode. Funny she nEver mentioned an entire basement full of dangerous chemicals and drugs.
+Adams, You think she'd Even let Emily down here?
+Chase, Yeah. Apparently a lot.
+Adams, You Ever heard of Lex-2?
+Chase, Read about it. It's an experimental aminoglycoside antibiotic. Supposedly it can override DNA errors in the ATM gene.
+Adams, Doesn't mean she's giving it to her daughter. Anyone studying A-T would be researParkng it.
+Chase, How? You see any lab rats down here? The only cage I see is right there. (They both look at the makeshift playpen in the corner)
+Wilson, Go away. I have a headache.
+House," (coming into the office) We don't have to have sex. Sometimes it's nice just to cuddle and talk. Me first. (He turns to face Wilson who is now paying attention) You don't want a second opinion. You're already on your fifth. You got Evans at Mercy, Shaw at County, Foster at Johns Hopkins. And Every one of them has given you the same advice. You're nuts. You don't just want chemo. You want a dose so high, there's a one-in-three chance it'll kill you outright. Question is, why didn't you tell me? Because you knew I'd stop you. Which means you've already found someone insane enough or desperate enough to give you what amounts to a death dose of chemicals. (House wanders back behind Wilson's desk) But who would be that stupid? I'm thinking that the who, is you."
+House, (holding up the bag) Where exactly were you planning on killing yourself? 'Cause I don't think Foreman is gonna let you do it here.
+Wilson, My place. I've been stockpiling equipment.
+Wilson, No. No! Stop. (trying to explain) I'm still healthy. Why not go the extreme route now when there's a better chance of surviving it?
+House," Statistically, this treatment has about the same chance of killing you as the thymoma does. But a hell of a lot faster."
+Wilson, (turning back to face House) I am not going to die slowly in a hospital bed under fluorescent lighting with people stopping by to gawk and lie about how I look. Even a small chance of that happening is too big a chance for me.
+House, (walking toward the door) You're an idiot. And the odds say you're gonna die.
+House," We'll do it at my place. (He leaves, shutting the door behind him)"
+Chase, The only environmental factors we think caused your daughter's illness are the ones you shot her full of.
+Elizabeth, I tested the drug. This is what I did for a living for ten years.
+Adams," She's your Parkld, not a Guinea pig."
+Elizabeth," I tested it first. On myself. And in six months, I didn't document any adverse effects."
+Foreman, A trial of one is basically irrelevant.
+Elizabeth," Respiratory infections are common with AT. With Emily's mutation, they are deadly, and they get worse Every year. Lex-2 won't be approved for at least the next five years. Emily, on the other hand, wouldn't have survived the winter. What was I supposed to do?"
+Foreman, There's a reason for FDA requirements. A study at Jackson Memorial�
+Elizabeth, I know about Gaines' research. He's publishing next month.
+Foreman, Was. I just spoke to him. His team just linked the use of Lex-2 to renal failure in mice and rats.
+Chase, She needs an ultrasound guided renal biopsy to check the damage. Hopefully it's rEversible. (Chase and Adams leave. Elizabeth looks devastated)
+House, (picking up his drink) To stupidity.
+House," (pausing) Mm, not quite done. To muscle aches, spasms. To your joints feeling like they're being ripped out and replaced with shards of broken glass."
+Wilson, Should I be writing any of this down?
+House," Your stomach fills with bile. When you vomit, it feels like someone's forcing a white-hot hammer down your esophagus, tearing your flesh. Blood's dripping down the back of your throat, choking and gagging you with the slick, coppery taste of burnt pennies."
+Wilson, I am an Oncologist. I know�
+House," If you did, we wouldn't be sitting here. Day two: Your white blood cells are gone, opening up your system to attack. Your temperature skyrockets. One second, your skin feels like it's on fire. The next second, it's entombed in ice. Every pain sensor in your body is firing at the same time until agony isn't Even a word or a concept � it's your only reality. You hallucinate. You dream of death. And then the race begins. Can your body claw its way back in time before the hostile organisms and parasites claim you perManently? Win, you live. Lose, you die. (He takes a sip of his martini) Now, what are we doing here, Wilson?"
+Chase, Kidney number one looks good. Which means we'll pRobably take the biopsy from two.
+Simon," Hey, you're doing great. Brave as always."
+Chase," Pretty cool, eh? You want to try?"
+Elizabeth, What's wrong?
+Emily, My chest hurts.
+Chase, It's definitely not her kidneys.
+House, Promise this'll taste just as good coming up as it did going down.
+Wilson," If things go wrong, I just want you to know�"
+House," If you're gonna say that you've always been secretly gay for me, Everyone always just kind of assumed it."
+Wilson," I just want you to know! that I appreciate the risk you're taking! Pumping a huMan being full of lethal chemicals in your living room. If I die, it pRobably won't go over well with your pRobation Officer."
+House, That's not gonna be an issue.
+Wilson, I'm glad at least one of us is confident.
+House, Not me. I've already identified a couple of spots to dump your body if this goes south.
+Wilson, I've always enjoyed Trinity Park.
+House, It does have a nice access to the lake.
+House, Muscle spasms already?
+Wilson, No. It's nothing really.
+House, Good news. Takes most people two bags to get to that stage. You're way ahead of schedule.
+Wilson, You'll think it's stupid.
+House, That hasn't stopped you before.
+Wilson," I just always thought, when I got old or sick, I'd have a wife or kids to look after me."
+House," (coming out of the kitchen) And in this scenario, are your loving wife and kids holding the life support cord, or are they thumbing through your will? (House stops behind the couch) I'm in it, right?"
+Wilson, Mm.
+House, You have Everything you need right here. We both do.
+House, Painkiller. Industrial strength. LEvel: Awesome.
+House, We're on vacation.
+Wilson, Aahh! That is nice.
+Chase, Her kidneys are fine. I don't think we're looking at side effects from the Lex-2.
+Adams, She's prone to respiratory infection. Pneumonia?
+Elizabeth," No persistent cough, Parklls, or excess sweating."
+Taub, What about a pulmonary embolism?
+Park," Fits coughing up blood, but a clot. From what?"
+Taub," Bruising from when she fell off the carousel. Contusion damages a deep vein, causes a clot. A piece breaks off, travels to her lungs."
+Elizabeth, We need to get her on heparin now. Another embolism could cause a heart attack or a stroke.
+Elizabeth, What's wrong? Is it Emily?
+Park, (looking at her pager) Sort of.
+Elizabeth, You can't do this.
+Simon, I'm taking her to Mercy. Everything you people have done has just made her worse.
+Elizabeth, You don't have the right. We have joint custody.
+Simon, Where was my right when you were treating our daughter like a lab rat?
+Elizabeth, She'd be dead if I hadn't.
+Chase, Stop it. Your daughter deserves better than this.
+Elizabeth," It's okay, sweetie."
+Simon, Mommy and I are just gonna talk. Okay?
+Chase, (to Emily) You want to get some candy?
+Taub," We beliEve Emily has a clot in her lungs. If you leave now, she could die before her new doctors are Even up to speed."
+Simon, From her AT?
+Taub, From the fall off the carousel.
+Elizabeth, Now can we just stop blaming each other and do the right thing here?
+Simon, (turning to face her) You're really gonna equate the two?
+Elizabeth," No, you were giving her two minutes of fun. I was trying to save her life."
+Simon, What's her best friend's name? What's the name of her favorite teacher? Why does she hate that stuffed animal you gave her? She's been having nightmares about penguins all month.
+Elizabeth, What's her blood type? Rh factor? Her serum immunoglobulin lEvels?
+Simon, I don't care. I don't care. Those are letters and numbers. That's not her.
+Elizabeth, What about the variant in her E-14 ATM intergenic promoter region? Because that's what's killing our daughter. Unless I can find a way to reactivate it.
+Simon, Just make her better.
+John, You don't look too good mister.
+Wilson, How did you get in here?
+John," The door. Are you, like, sick or something?"
+Wilson," Where's House? Where are your parents? (the boy shrugs) Oh, I know you. You live in the building, right? What's your name?"
+John, You don't remember?
+Wilson, (calling out) House.
+John," You promised me I'd go home again, Dr. Wilson."
+John, You said it wasn't my fault.
+Wilson," (not looking up) It wasn't, John."
+John," If I didn't do nothing wrong, why did I die?"
+Wilson, (crying out in pain) I don't know. (looking up at John) I shouldn't have done this. (pausing) Am I dead?
+House," Not yet. It just feels that way. Are you okay? I mean, apart from the pain, vomiting, diarrhea, and cramps?"
+Taub, I worked six months in a research lab after med school. You get so focused. Once I didn't eat for two days. It's easy to forget what actually matters.
+Elizabeth," I didn't. Yeah, it sucks I got her the wrong doll, but!"
+Park, Good news. Emily's lungs are clear. No clot.
+Elizabeth, And bad news. We still don't know what's happening to her.
+Taub," (looking at Emily on the monitor) WhatEver it is, there's liver involvement. Her eyes are jaundiced. Her liver's failing."
+Taub," We found a blockage in her hepatic vein, which is restricting blood flow to her liver."
+Park, Polycythemia vera?
+Adams, Red blood counts are normal. Could be some sort of connective tissue disorder.
+Elizabeth, What if � what if we're just seeing the end result of her condition? She's unique. One screwed-up gene from each of us.
+Taub, Let's stick with our process.
+Elizabeth, I shouldn't be here. (She leaves)
+Chase, What are we missing?
+Taub, Advanced Lyme disease.
+Park, Would have seen it in the blood.
+Chase, He said advanced. We wouldn't pick it up in her blood if it's in her organs and nervous system now. It fits Everything but the nosebleed.
+Park," But why is it attacking now, all at once? What's changed?"
+Adams, Elizabeth has. She stopped giving Emily the Lex-2. It's an aminoglycoside antibiotic. It's what was keeping the Lyme in check.
+Chase, We need to start her on amoxicillin. (Chase leaves)
+Wilson, Mm.
+Wilson, You lied. Doesn't taste better coming back up.
+House, Here's another one. You look good.
+Wilson, What's the white blood cell count?
+House," It's down to 1,000, still dropping."
+Wilson, I need more morphine.
+House, We're out. You've been using my personal supply of painkillers for the last eight hours.
+Wilson, You have � you have enough for both of us?
+House, I've got enough stashed around here for a minyan.
+Wilson, (he groans as he props himself up enough to drink) Mm.
+House, Just remember they're a gift. So it's rude to keep throwing them up. Found that out with those candlesticks you got me.
+Chase, We think it's Lyme.
+Elizabeth, I would have seen signs of that.
+Adams, Not if the Lex-2 was keeping it in check.
+Elizabeth, We live in the city. We don't have pets. She's nEver Even been in the woods.
+Emily," Yes, I have. With daddy."
+Simon," (sighing) I should have told you, but I know how you feel about it. I grew up hunting with my dad. I wanted to share it with my daughter, at least once."
+Emily, We only took pictures. You don't need to be mad.
+Adams, Maybe we should step outside.
+Elizabeth, No. We can't protect her from Everything. (putting up the bed rail) I assume you'll need a lumbar puncture to confirm.
+House, You lost a contact?
+Wilson, (not looking up) Going to the little boy's room.
+House, They're called adult diapers for a reason. Use it.
+Wilson," I did, and if you think I'm gonna let you change me�"
+House, (trying again to help Wilson up) It's okay. I'm a doctor.
+Wilson, Hey! Just leave me alone.
+Wilson, It's pathetic. I'm pathetic. An oncologist with cancer. Of all the things that could be killing me! It's like the universe is giving me the big middle finger.
+House, (gingerly sitting down on the floor beside Wilson) The universe doesn't care�
+Wilson," (angrily) Why me? I'm always telling my Patients not to torture themselves, because there's no answer."
+House, Sound advice.
+Wilson," (breathing heavily) It's cruel advice. They were just trying to make sense of what was happening to them, and I'm there telling them not to bother? I should have spent my life being more like you. Should have been a Manipulative, self-centered, narcissistic ass, who brought misery to Everything and Everyone in his life."
+House, You'd still have cancer.
+Wilson, Yeah! But at least I'd feel like I deserved it.
+Emily, Do you think my parents will get back together?
+Chase," I don't know. I'm sure they love each other, but�"
+Emily, They only fight about me.
+Adams, That's because they care so much.
+Emily," So maybe when I die, they'll get back together."
+Adams," Emily, what's wrong?"
+Emily, I can't move my arm.
+Chase, Just keep your arms up for me.
+Simon, What's happening to her?
+Chase, She's having a stroke.
+House," Okay, your heart rate's up, BP's tanking. White blood count's"
+Wilson, No.
+House, I don't have the equipment or the meds to handle this.
+Wilson, No. Win or lose. Win or lose. That was the deal.
+House," (clearly worried) That was the deal when there was an ""or"". You can't win this."
+Wilson," (shaking his head) No. No. I'd rather die here. (crying) Not in an ambulance. Not in a hospital. Please, you can't do that to me. I can't � (Wilson grabs a fistful of House's t-shirt. House places his hand on Wilson's head) House! Please. Promise me that you won't do that to me. Promise me."
+House," Okay, I promise."
+Chase," Stroke. Blockage in her hepatic vein, coughing blood, trouble breathing, and Raynaud's."
+Park," If we hadn't already ruled it out, it sounds like textbook pulmonary embolism."
+Chase, What mimics a clot but isn't a clot?
+Taub, Fungal infection.
+Adams, Her CSF was clean. No bacterial or fungal markers. Anyone tried calling House?
+Taub, Not picking up.
+Park, Or returning messages or texts.
+Chase," We're on our own here, so just give me some theories we can use."
+Park, Hematologic malignancies. AT Patients are more prone to that form of cancer.
+Taub, You think cancer would present and kill her in three days
+Chase, Not cancer. But a tumor could act like a clot. An atrial myxoma.
+Chase," A primary heart tumor. The swinging motion of the myxoma intermittently blocked the flow of blood through the right atrium. Inflow blockage stagnated the hepatic vein, which clotted and caused liver failure. Outflow blockage caused the Raynaud's phenomenon and stroke. Pieces of the tumor broke off and lodged in the lungs, causing Emily's breathing pRoblems and the coughing blood. We'll remove the tumor surgically, and hopefully the biopsy rEveals it's benign."
+Wilson, (sounding a bit better) Wow. You � you really look like crap.
+House, (nodding) Been fighting a cold lately. SEven to ten days for the swelling to go down. Then we rescan and schedule the surgery.
+Wilson," I seem to recall, I said some things to you�"
+House, You talked a lot. I stopped listening after you confessed your fear of dolphins. Can we just tone down the broMance a few notches? My leg is killing me.
+Wilson, (sitting up on the couch) One last favor. I'd like to actually make it to the bathroom this time.
+Wilson, I thought you said you had plenty of Vicodin.
+House, Everybody lies.
+Wilson," So the way I felt, you feel that, what, most of the time? It really does suck being you, doesn't it?"
+House, At least I don't have cancer.
+Chase, The tumor was benign.
+Adams, And we were able to remove all of it.
+Emily, Does this mean I'm not sick anymore?
+Elizabeth," (sitting down on the bed) No, Honey. The tumor didn't cause your genetic condition. You're still sick."
+Simon," But we nEver let that stop us before, right? So what do you want to do when we get out of here?"
+Chase, Have you been to the aquarium? It's pretty cool.
+Emily," Can we go, daddy?"
+Simon, You bet.
+Elizabeth, Me too?
+Emily, Can she come with us?
+Simon, You know mommy nEver has to ask.
+Wilson, I'll see you at lunch. (he heads toward his office)
+Penza," Clear! [He shocks her.] Charging! Clear! [Still no hearbeat, Penza sighs and gives up.] Okay, I'm calling it. Time of death! 8:32."
+Treiber, Hello! [reading the file] Diana. Shall we?
+Treiber," LV tear is within a zone of fresh tissue necrosis, implicating a recent myocardial infarction as the instigating Event. [He takes the heart out of the body and puts it in a bowl.] Unfortunately, the medical records show that Dr. Penza nEver suspected heart disease, instead giving steroids for an erroneous diagnosis of asthma, thereby causing the fatal tear. [He walks to a whiteboard on the wall where there are lines of incomprehensible numbers and dates associated to codes, each one associated to a different doctor of the hospital.] I suggest these findings warrant further investigation into Dr. Penza's standard of care for this Patient, making this my! third such recommendation regarding Dr. Penza this year. Concluding autopsy with examination of the brain."
+[He is shocked by the sight in front of him," Treiber is covered in his own blood, standing still, shocked.]"
+Treiber, I'm cold.
+Wilson," Yes, it's mine. And yes, I know that I can't drive stick. And no, I don't care that I Parked in a handicapped spot."
+House," ""Staring death in the face has changed my life."" What a clich�."
+Wilson," The clich� is to lead a more meaningful life. I've taken a holy vow to lead a less meaningful one. I've spent my life caring, giving, and searParkng for the profound. Now it's time for selfishness, indifference, and embracing the shallow. [He pushes a button on the car remote but activates the horn instead of locking the car. Then it is the car's trunk, which opens. Wilson pushes it down. They both walk side by side to the elevator.]"
+House, Your scan's in three days. Tell me this isn't just you killing time until you find out if your cancer's gonna kill it for you.
+Wilson," I just paid $75,000 for a ridiculously impractical car, the depth of shallowness. And tomorrow, I'm driving it to ClEveland to meet my boyhood crush."
+House, The years have not been kind to David Cassidy. [He pushes the button to call the elevator.]
+Wilson," Julie Christie. Dr. Zhivago, Shampoo. I was precocious. She's opening some kind of charity animal clinic or something. I'm neglecting my Patients to fulfill a silly fantasy. Textbook selfishness and indifference."
+House," Or you've made sure that your Patients are well-covered, the car is a rental, and while waiting to get Julie Christie's autograph, you'll adopt a puppy."
+Wilson," I don't Even care whether you beliEve me or not. [As the elevator doors close, Wilson does nothing to stop them whereas a Man is running towards them to catch the ride.] Indifference."
+Foreman, He tried to cut open his own skull. Head CT and tox screen were clean.
+House," Interesting. Cotard delusion. Also known as ""walking corpse syndrome."" Disconnect in the Amygdala convinces you that you're secretly dead. Case solved. [He closes the file, hands it to Foreman and gets up to go to the coffee maParkne.] Rendering it! What's the past tense of ""interesting?"""
+Foreman," No prior history of mental illness, and before you say it was caused by antivirals, I've already ruled that out. Plus, Cotard's doesn't explain the paresthesia in his hand. Also! Treiber won't let any other doctor near him. He trusts your work."
+Park, How's Wilson doing?
+House," Wilson's scan is at the end of the week. If his kick-ass chemo shrunk the tumor to an operable size, he'll live. If it didn't, he'll die."
+Adams, That must be very hard. Is there anything we can do?
+House," Other than the prayer circle, what is there?"
+Adams, Patient's AST is high. Psychosis could be brought on by liver failure. Maybe Hep C?
+Chase, I don't hate him. He hates me.
+Taub," He hates all doctors, and it's mutual."
+Park, He only hates the ones that screw up. And you. And they only hate Treiber because he finds their mistakes.
+Taub," Mistakes are a wee bit easier to find on a dead Patient, a distinction he fails to recognize. He's a rat."
+Park, Who makes the hospital a safer place by keeping doctors accountable and focused. [She tries to shut down Chase's laptop but he stops her from doing so.]
+Chase, What if he got something from a cadaver?
+Adams, He handles a lot of 'em. You suggesting we DDX them all?
+Chase," No, just his last one. [reading on the screen.] She had bad knees. She used dimethyl sulfoxide for joint pain. Current from the defibrillator could've converted it to dimethyl sulfate. When Treiber cut into her, her blood released toxic fumes."
+Taub, Everyone in the basement would be sick.
+Park," His lungs are fine. Blood clots make more sense. One in his hand explains the paresthesia, one in his carotid explains the psychotic episode."
+Treiber," I know House doesn't like seeing his Patients, but doesn't a fellow doctor rate an exception?"
+Adams, Psychosis appears to be intermittent.
+Treiber, Just snapped out of it long enough to ask if House actually ordered this test.
+Chase, Don't worry. We're simply carrying out his direct orders.
+Treiber," Right. Forgot. It's what you were hired to do. Which is fine, his diagnostic error metric is .17 compared to the hospital average of .32."
+Adams, You actually think you can quantify the value of Every doctor?
+Treiber, Someone should. And since I'm the only one who sees Everything�
+Chase," Right, you were hired to diagnose people after they're already dead."
+Park," Every doctor, Every diagnosis, Every treatment, Every result. It's pretty impressive."
+Taub, It's pretty Orwellian. All written in his secret code.
+Park, He has to keep it confidential.
+Taub, Just like the Wannsee conference.
+Park," The ""Big Brother"" metaphor wasn't pointed enough for you? You had to throw in Hitler? [She approaches Taub.] A couple years ago, he noticed a link in Parkld deaths, and it's completely changed hospital policies all over�"
+Taub," I get it. Treiber is nerd king. The more people we kill, the more lives he saves. Test is negative for dimethyl sulfate, her blood is not toxic. [He stands up.]"
+Park, Then we should look for toxic exposure from something else.
+Taub, You really think the hospital is idiotic enough to issue toxic supplies?
+Park, Have you seen his tools? [She holds up a knife.] Treiber doesn't always use hospital-issue.
+Taub, Then he's the idiot?
+Park," No, but I don't want to explain that assumption to House."
+Wilson," Thought we'd make it a road trip. '80s music, junk food, beer."
+House, I have a dental appointment. That I'm going to make now. [He reaches for the phone.]
+Wilson, Ah. I'll let you drive.
+House, Not worth listening to you whine about your feelings and fears for three days.
+Wilson, It's not gonna happen. I've taken a vow.
+House," People don't change. You are a person, ergo, pass."
+Wilson," Yes, that's why I brought this. [He shows him a small bottle.] 20 CCs of propofol. You can accompany me willingly, or I will, when you least expect it, inject the contents of this vial into your bloodstream. The fall might result in a concussion, or fractures, or you might get lucky and simply wake up somewhere near Allentown with a nasty headache. The choice is yours, and in case you've forgotten, I am indifferent. We leave tomorrow morning at 8:00 a.m."
+Chase, No clots.
+Park, No gas.
+Taub, But we found enough of this! [He throws a can of the energy drink to House who grabs it.] !to reanimate the entire morgue. He's jacked on caffeine.
+House, Stimulant psychosis. How Many times do I have to solve this case?
+Adams, So all we have to do is hydrate and observe him for 24 hours.
+Treiber, My abdomen! It's my abdomen!
+Park, It's just the effects of withdrawal. The pain is normal.
+Treiber, No! No! This isn't right!
+Chase, Abdominal pain and distention means we were wrong about stimulant psychosis.
+Park, It could be coexistent pRoblems. He might just have an obstruction.
+Adams," You know what House says about coincidences. I didn't feel any masses when I examined him, and no bowel sounds."
+Taub, Where's House?
+Adams," He hasn't come in yet, and neither has Wilson. I've already tried them three times."
+Taub," Here we go again. Diabetes could cause nerve damage in his hand and guts, and�"
+Park," Except his glucose lEvels are normal, and he pRobably would've mentioned he was a diabetic."
+Chase, What about ulcerative colitis? Earlier attacks caused thrombosis�
+Adams," We already looked for clots, and there was no blood in his stool."
+Taub, Try him again.
+Chase," WherEver they are, they don't want to be disturbed."
+Wilson," My trip, my itinerary. We have to cover 300 miles today to be there with plenty of time to catch Julie by 4:00 tomorrow. And that thing I said about letting you drive, I lied."
+Wilson, What?
+House," I'm""�I'm impressed. Not by that. But by your real effort to maintain the facade. It's been almost an hour, and there's been no mention of the elephant in the car."
+Wilson," Well, I declined the elephant option."
+House," Uh-huh. In three days, you're gonna find out if you live or die. You don't want to talk about it."
+Wilson," No, but obviously you do."
+House," So, we're gonna talk about it, but because I want to."
+Wilson," I am neither talking about it, nor talking about not talking about it."
+House," You are hard-wired to talk about it. It's how you cope, it's who you are."
+Wilson," Yeah, well, from now on, I'm not me. I'm! I'm! Kyle Calloway."
+House, I thought your porn name was Rusty Packard.
+Wilson," Kyle is roguish, carefree, and shares no qualities with Wilson."
+House, Can Kyle drive stick?
+Adams, Treiber won't let us do anything without House.
+Chase," House just took himself off the case. You said no bowel sounds when you examined him. ""No"" like diminished, or none at all?"
+Park, None.
+Taub, You think it's an intussusception?
+Chase," If it is, it could mean cancer's behind Everything. Let's get a plain film of his abdomen."
+Chase, Only if he knows it wasn't.
+Taub, You want to lie to a guy whose favorite pastime is getting doctors fired.
+Chase," We're adults with advanced medical training, not Parkldren left alone with scissors. It's one X-ray. [He gets out of the office, leaving his teammates behind.]"
+The New Olymous Diner," Home of the Big One""�. House and Wilson are sitting at a table, looking at the menu.]"
+House," If we had a phone, we could've found somewhere a little less charming."
+Wilson," If we had a phone, you'd be making calls, downloading porn, and playing Angry Birds. This trip is about me, and I like this place."
+House," This is not about you not wanting me to have a phone. You're weak. You knew that you'd backslide and spend your time talking to teary ex-wives and your parents, trying to make them feel better about you being sick. [The waitress approaches them.] Bacon burger with fries looks awful. I'll have that."
+Wilson, I'll have the Big One.
+Waitress, You sure? It's $79.
+Wilson," Unless I finish it in an hour, in which case, it's free."
+Wilson," I'm hungry. And an iced tea, please."
+House, This place doesn't take credit cards.
+Wilson," My meal is going to be free, and I'm going to be inducted into the wall of pain. [He points at the wall where there are pictures of all the people who were able to eat the steak in the given time. There is also a digital clock showing 0:00 for now.]"
+Taub, Belly film was normal. No sign of an intussusception or any other obstruction.
+Trieber, House says it's there.
+Chase, Sometimes House is wrong.
+Treiber, Run my bowel.
+Taub," That's serious surgery. General anesthesia, long recovery!"
+Chase, We can do a contrast enema if you need more proof.
+Treiber, I have drawers filled with people who had clean scans. I know how easy it is to miss something unless you use your own hands and eyes; Run my bowel.
+Chase, We'll let House know how you feel.
+Treiber," How I feel is twisted in white-hot agony. His orders were to look for an intussusception. Until you actually do that, I refuse any other tests."
+Chase, Fine. [He turns off the screen and heads for the door.]
+Taub," Uh, no. Not fine. We need to talk�"
+House," Come on, you got this! You got this! Come on! [A look at the clock: 25 seconds left for Wilson to finish his meal.]"
+Waitress, 25 seconds.
+House," You've got this. Come on, home stretch, Kyle, home stretch!"
+Waitress, 15 seconds!
+House," Now, don't chew, just swallow. Just muscle it down!"
+Waitress," Six, five! four!"
+Waitress," Three, two, one!Time!"
+House," Yes! Yes! Oh, you magnificent bastard! [He hugs Wilson.]"
+Treiber," No hard feelings, right?"
+Chase," You'll find out when you wake up. If you really think I'm a good doctor, why do you treat me like an idiot?"
+Treiber, It's not because you lack talent. It's 'cause you've wasted it. Did you know I applied to be a fellow with House the same year as you?
+Chase, No.
+Treiber," Quit my other program, reloCated, broke up with my girlfriend. Then your father made a call, and suddenly you had the spot."
+Chase, That was almost ten years ago.
+Treiber," Do you know what I could've done after Even three years with House? Gone to the CDC, W.H.O. Started a diagnostics department someplace they'd nEver Even heard of such a thing. You've been given Everything. Looks, talent, my future. Nine years later, look what you've done with it."
+Wilson, Ah!
+House, Must be nice to be puking for the old-fashioned reasons.
+Wilson," Ah. I'm glad I did it. You see those people out there cheering for me? I was a hero. For one fleeting moment, for an incredibly stupid reason, for a bunch of morons"
+Chase, How long do you think you'll work for House?
+Taub, As long as he lets me.
+Chase," When House was in prison, you worked at Mercy in plastics, right? Know what I did? Surfed. For nine months."
+Taub," Yes, and if I didn't have two daughters and alimony, I might have done the same."
+Chase," A fellowship's supposed to train you to stand on your own. Foreman's Dean of the hospital, Cameron's head of emergency medicine in Parkcago."
+Taub," And Kutner and Amber are dead, and Thirteen is having sweet, sapphic sex on some island."
+Chase, Look at this. The small intestine. [He is holding it in his hands.]
+Taub, Is it an intussusception?
+Chase, No.
+Adams, He hasn't checked his voicemail.
+Taub, Or his email.
+Park, It's been almost 24 hours. Shouldn't we call Foreman or the police? I think this makes him a fugitive.
+Park, Intermittent porphyria.
+Chase," He's in the middle of an attack. The longer we wait to treat with hemin, the more damage it causes."
+Adams," The longer we wait to tell him House isn't running the case, the more damage that causes. It's fraud."
+Chase, It's only an issue if we're wrong.
+Adams," It's more than one X-ray. More than exploratory surgery, Even. This is a drug that will damage him if you're wrong."
+Chase, Same principle. [He leaves the room.]
+Wilson, I want a threesome.
+House, Shouldn't we try a twosome first?
+Wilson, Two women.
+House, Oh.
+Wilson," I know they're pRobably overrated, and I'll pRobably be gravely disappointed, but I want one anyway."
+House," No, you don't."
+Wilson," Well, Kyle wants one."
+House, Kyle's only one day old. He doesn't know what he wants. I don't want to think about consequences. I don't want to think about � I don't want to think about anything. I just want to! do. [House gives him a resigned look.]
+House, okay. I need you to do exactly what I tell you.
+Treiber, Porphyria?
+Chase," I know the anesthesia makes it hard to focus, but we need to start you on hemin right away. [Treiber stares at Chase.] House beliEves very strongly. This is the right call."
+Treiber, Okay.
+Wilson, This thing is peeling.
+House," Well, that is the cost of cowardice. Should've gone for the real thing."
+Wilson, I feel like I'm cheating.
+House," A, it is only cheating if you don't have cancer, and B, it's Wednesday afternoon. Pickings are slim, and more importantly, sober. The cancer cut is the surest way to the pity pooty party. [He puts a baseball cap on Wilson's head. Then he looks intensively at a young Woman sitting at the bar.] One down, one to go."
+House, She's empathetic.
+House, Gave me a cancer rate.
+Wilson, No. I have nEver paid for sex in my life.
+House," You still haven't. It's my treat. It's either that, or you find two very open-minded women to fall in love with you in the next hour. [Wilson looks at his watch, then notices the Bartender.]"
+Wilson, Bartender seems nice.
+House, Seems female.
+Waitress, Want something to eat?
+House, My friend is dying of cancer.
+Bartender," Oh, you poor thing. It took my mother two years ago. But you can't give up hope. [She pats him on the shoulder.]"
+House," He's pretty much resigned. Just wants to go out with a bang. And another pun, what time do you get off? [She smiles at them.]"
+Adams, Pleural effusions. It's not porphyria.
+Chase, We're gonna need to put in a chest tube.
+Treiber, I wanna talk to House.
+Adams, We'll tell him exactly what's happening.
+Treiber, I wanna talk to him! [He stops Chase from touParkng him.] I want House. [He gets angrier.] Where is House? Where is he? Where's House?
+Chase, We don't know.
+Wilson, You didn't have to sleep out here.
+Wilson, Apparently they left a long time ago.
+House," So, how was it? Was the amateur as good as the pro?"
+Wilson, It was confusing. Perfunctory. A bit sad.
+House, NEver mind.
+Wilson, And exactly what I needed. [Looking grateful] Thank you. [House nods.] You feel like buying me breakfast? One of them stole my wallet.
+Chase, Porphyria was a legitimate call.
+Taub, Until the pleural effusions.
+Chase, We've done Everything House would've done if he'd been here.
+Chase, Fine. [He gets up to leave but Foreman stops him.]
+Foreman, I didn't say you were off the case. Sit down. [Chase obeys.] Ordered a cardiac MRI. [He hands the team files.] Enlargement of the left ventricle suggests an infiltrative disease.
+Taub, It's sarcoidosis.
+Foreman, We'll start him on corticosteroids and do a cardiac biopsy to confirm.
+Chase," I disagree. I was wrong about the porphyria, but I wasn't wrong about the nervous system. It's a prion disease. That's why his symptoms have progressed so rapidly."
+Adams, It's possible he was exposed and didn't know it. Brains are often stored and not tested until weeks after autopsy.
+Foreman, Treiber's too good to not take the right precautions.
+Chase, Maybe the pRoblem is he thinks the same thing. His job's built on the premise that doctors make mistakes; That includes him. We should do a brain biopsy.
+Foreman, In his condition?
+Chase, Then we biopsy the brains in the morgue. Find the one that exposed him.
+Foreman, It's a needle in a haystack.
+Chase," There's four of us. Come on, we can at least start him on amphotericin to halt the progress while you do your heart biopsy."
+Taub," No, we can't. Amphotericin plus the contrast dye for the biopsy would overwhelm his kidneys. We have to choose one or the other."
+Foreman, Biopsy his heart.
+House," Wallets go in the minibar freezer. If there's no minibar, the toilet tank. I've got exactly! [He counts his money.] $20 left."
+Wilson," I'm sorry, I wasn't familiar with hooker protocol. We can use your credit cards."
+House," No, we won't. I'm still on pRobation. Leaving the state without permission will really P.O. my P.O."
+Wilson, Doesn't matter.
+Wilson, We have enough gas to get to Julie. I don't care about anything else. [House stares at Wilson in silence.] What this time?
+House, Just wondering how long this can last.
+Wilson, You're still hoping that I'm gonna wake up and admit that Kyle Calloway is just some lame excuse to have some naughty thrills aren't you?
+House, I'm actually hoping you won't. I like Kyle. [He puts his cap on backwards.]
+Wilson," Oh, come on."
+ Suddenly the expression on his face changes as they discover the reason why they had to stop," it's a funeral procession; the hearse is the first of a long parade of cars. House looks at Wilson, who seems! indifferent. He puts the car in gear and speeds past the cars.]"
+House, Whoo!
+Wilson," Whoo-hoo! [As he finally got in front of all the cars, Wilson holds his arms up in the air, as a victory sign, but quickly puts them back on the steering wheel.]"
+Wilson, House. [He opens the door. House moves and looks at him.] You okay?
+Wilson, Come on. We got 20 bucks to go 11 miles.
+Park, Why aren't you answering your pages?
+Chase, Busy.
+Park, The biopsy showed fibrosis in his cardiac muscle.
+Chase, So it's not a prion disease.
+Park, It means Foreman was wrong too. He wants Everyone to meet in his office to DDX.
+Chase, So he can tell us all it's an infection?
+Park, Interesting. Or maybe you should consider not being such a baby.
+Park, Are you trying to cure him or discredit him?
+Chase, Treiber can only see me as not House. Foreman too. And they're not wrong.
+Park, So you're not coming upstairs.
+Chase," No. And when this case is over, I'm quitting."
+Foreman, He's not quitting.
+Taub, He already called other hospitals. Treiber did get under his skin.
+Foreman, He'll get over it. Fibrosis has to be a response to an infection.
+Park, Chase said you'd say that.
+Adams, We'll test the biopsy samples for viruses and start him on antivirals.
+Taub, You're not Even gonna talk to Chase?
+Foreman, He didn't leave after he got stabbed in the heart. I think we're okay.
+Taub," Either you're right, and your friend is just really upset, or you're wrong, and he's come at this calmly and rationally, and you're about to lose a good doctor. Either way! [Foreman gives him a meaningful look. Taub leaves.]"
+House," This is Oubliette, Ohio. Buses don't run here after 1968."
+Wilson, Ina said there's a bus Every 15 minutes.
+House, Ina is living in Alzheimersville. [He looks at his watch.] Been here at least half an hour.
+Ina," Naples, Florida. Ben and I have a beautiful three-bedroom condo. All on the one floor."
+Wilson, You're waiting for a bus to Naples? [He looks at House!]
+Ina, Comes Every 15 minutes. Ben'll be wondering where his dinner is.
+House, Cab.
+House," Bus isn't coming, Ina. But this cab is going to Naples."
+Ina, Ben'll be getting awfully hungry.
+Wilson, House.
+House," We'll tell the cabbie to call the cops. They'll come pick her up, take care of her."
+Wilson, Then I'll stay with her until they do.
+Foreman, Find anything?
+Foreman, You've got Everybody worried about your quitting.
+Chase, You here as my boss or my friend?
+Foreman," If I was here as your boss, you'd be suspended by now."
+Chase," I've learned a lot here. Enough to run my own team. It's time I moved on. Unfortunately, that's how I felt last year. And the year before that."
+Foreman, Maybe there's a reason you haven't left. You need structure. And support. Somebody else calling the shots.
+Chase, You didn't come down here as my boss or my friend. You came down as House. You're trying to insult me into making a decision.
+Foreman," We've both seen it work. Either you rise to the challenge and quit, or you stay. As a team member."
+Park, Dr. Treiber! Dr. Treiber.
+Park, He stopped responding when I was changing his I.V. bag.
+Taub," Peter, open your eyes. [He looks at his eyes with a penlight.] Coma."
+Foreman, Treiber's comatose.
+Taub, All brains on deck.
+Adams, Where should we start? We think you might be right.
+Chase, I'm not.
+Park, You couldn't have gone through all of these.
+Chase, Don't have to. [He gets up and crosses out all the solutions on the board.] Treiber's reports are thorough to a fault. His methods are fastidious. The answer isn't down here. [He moves to the other side of the room to wash his hands.] Treiber didn't miss anything. We did.
+Foreman," So what? Psychosis, abdominal pain, pleural effusions, enlarged heart, coma."
+Park," Autoimmune, maybe Goodpasture's."
+Adams, Kidneys are fine. Vasculitis?
+Foreman, No fEver.
+Taub, Lymphoma?
+Foreman, Would've seen it on the heart biopsy.
+Chase," Soap. It's the soap. [He holds up the bottle of soap, puts it down on the counter, and exits without a word, leaving the team behind.]"
+House," Oh, God, here it comes."
+Wilson," As always. All I wanted was some meaningless fun, and I couldn't Even last three days."
+Wilson, I had the chance to fulfill a lifelong dream.
+House," I swear, I will jump out of this moving bus if you don't shut up."
+Wilson," But instead, I sat with a sad, old Woman for 1 1/2 hours who forgot I existed three seconds after she left. And the stupidest thing. I nEver Even had a crush on Julie Christie. [House understands he won't be able to escape the situation so he turns to look at Wilson.] In 12th grade I was madly in love with Melanie Robbins, who happened to look exactly like Julie Christie in Dr. Zhivago. And she really liked me. Played spades Every lunch period in Mr. Charlton's classroom. But of course, there was this other guy. A great guy. Very popular. He had a car. He had a band, a mustache!"
+House," Kyle would've ditched that sad, old Woman from the bus stop. PRobably would've ditched me too. I can live without Kyle. [They look at each other and give each other a small smile. No need to say anything else.] Snowball? [He has a couple of them with him!]"
+Treiber, Guess this isn't heaven.
+Chase," We found out who screwed up. You. It was your industrial-strength antibacterial soap. [Holding the bottle of soap.] The additional triclosan does two things well: Kills MRSA and makes your thyroid look stupid. It thinks the triclosan is a real hormone and closes up shop. Excessive use over time combined with excessive use of this led to hypothyroidism. Which went undiagnosed until it presented with psychosis. When the ER put you on the sedatives, it kicked you into myxedema crisis."
+Treiber, Don't know that I Ever would've thought of that.
+Chase, House told us to look for irony.
+Treiber, Hey. This wasn't House.
+Chase, My locker key.
+Foreman, I'll give you your own team.
+Chase, Thanks. But it's time to step out of the shadow.
+Foreman, It's about time.
+Chase, Any news?
+House, Not yet. You come here so I could talk you out of it?
+Chase, I came to say thank you.
+House, It's been fun.
+Chase, Fun?
+House," Sounded pithier than! ""We've shared a variety of situations."""
+Wilson, Why did you let him go?
+House," Legal loophole. 13th Amendment. Abraham Lincoln may have looked great in that hat, but his labor policies!ß [Suddenly, his eyes catch something on the monitor. He looks shocked.]"
+House, Come on in.
+Wilson, I'm not doing any more chemo.
+House, (coming back to his front door) Good plan. You'll be dead in five months.
+Wilson, We went for a cure. It didn't work. I've thought about this a lot. Five more months on this earth is reasonable. A year in the hospital in excruciating pain is! not.
+House," With two weeks on, two weeks off of chemo, you'll have way more than a year, maybe two or three."
+Wilson, House! I'm sorry.
+House, I'm not gonna let you just die.
+Foreman," (following House) Hey. You know, Management research shows that the best ideas come from casual contact. (House stops and turns toward Foreman) So! (He gives House a large envelope which reads ""Hockey Season Starts Now""�) one set of season tickets. Got the seat next to you."
+House, (opening the envelope) First game is October 8th. That's about one month after Wilson's expiration date. This isn't an unstructured collaboration. You're trying to be the new Wilson.
+Foreman, I'm trying to show you there are other people who care about you.
+House, Relax. I'm pRobably not gonna fall apart. (Foreman leaves)
+Cheerleader on the video," Five, six, sEven, eight. One, two, three, four, five, six, sEven, eight. One, two, three, four, five, six, sEven, eight. Here we go. Cradle! One, two, three, four�"
+House, (dumping his backpack on a chair) Put down the pom-poms. Step away from the computer.
+House, 46-year-old oncologist refuses treatment.
+Adams," Foreman already gave us a case. Wants us to keep things as normal as possible, for as long as possible."
+House, Wilson is dying. Chase is gone. How close to normal do you think we can come?
+Taub, 19-year-old cheerleader admitted with massive nosebleed and dizziness.
+House, Wow. Cool. I just completely forgot that my best friend is dying. Wait. That just reminded me.
+Park, Head CT is clean.
+House, How can we turn Wilson from a terminal idiot into an interminable pain in the ass?
+Taub, Mini-stroke could explain our Patient's neurosymptoms and his butterfingers.
+Adams, But not his bloody nose.
+House, My best friend is trying to kill himself.
+Adams, He just wants to die with a little dignity.
+House, There's no such thing.
+Adams," It's not your choice, House. Your only choice here is between acceptance and misery."
+House, It's a midline granuloma. Get your Patient a PET scan.
+Taub, No lesions along the optic track? (he notices that Park is looking at scans she has already seen) You already covered that.
+Park, Maybe we should get someone else to take this case.
+Taub," Why? Because someone somewhere is dying? (looking at the monitor) Oh, crap, turn off the mic!"
+Park, It is off.
+Taub, Not according to his brain. (indicating the monitor) His temporal lobe is completely lit up. Auditory portion. He's hearing something.
+House, Foreman's trying to date me. I assume that's because you called him.
+Wilson," No, I � did you! (slurred) put something in my coffee?"
+House, You know how you can be there for me five months from now? Don't be dead five months from now.
+Taub," Hey, Wils� (surveying the scene) seriously?"
+House, Just a little picker-downer. I assume this unwanted interruption means you're looking for me to discuss the latest dEvelopment in the case I don't want to discuss.
+Taub, Our Patient is hearing voices.
+Adams," He denies it, but the PET scan says otherwise."
+Park, He's at the right age for the onset of sParkzophrenia.
+House, Yeah. You really need me. Ultrasound his abdomen to check for sParkzophrenia.
+Taub," We already ordered a psych evaluation, but drugs could also cause�"
+Adams, Tox screen was clean.
+House, Ultrasound his dorm.
+Roommate," (coughing) Whoa, just! You guys can't just come busting in here without a warrant."
+Taub, We're not cops. We're your roommate's doctors. Any idea what flavor of drugs would be making your roommate sick?
+Roommate, Objection. Entrapment. I'm pre-law. Derrick doesn't party.
+Adams, (pulling a photo of a young boy in a bathing suit out of a drawer) Look at this. Why would he have a picture of a little boy?
+Taub, Maybe it's his nephew or something?
+Adams, Hidden in his sock drawer?
+Roommate, Whoa! Creepy. (He chuckles)
+Adams, We need to talk to Derrick about some medical matters.
+Derrick," Well, she's my girlfriend. She can be here for that."
+Adams, We found this! (pulling the photo out of her pocket) in your dorm room.
+Courtney, (taking the photo) Who is that?
+Derrick, Nobody.
+Adams, Then why was it hidden in a drawer?
+Courtney," Derrick, what's she talking about?"
+Derrick, It's my brother Christopher.
+Courtney, You nEver told me you had a brother.
+Derrick," Well, he's been dead almost ten years, so!"
+Adams, Is that the voice you hear in your head?
+Wilson, (groaning) Mm! Uhh!
+House," And lo, he is risen."
+Wilson, (pointing to the IV pole) So now my hair's gonna fall out next week?
+House, No. All I did was temporarily kill you. How was it?
+Wilson," What � I don't � I wasn't dead, I was unconscious."
+House," No dreams, no thoughts. You experienced nothing. Now, imagine that without the waking up on the couch part. Just nothing times infinity."
+Wilson, You didn't just prove death is nothing. You proved Propofol is.
+House," You're saying the end is not the end? I was expecting ""nothing is better than something lousy,"" but not ""the angels are waiting for me."""
+Wilson, I'm not having this conversation.
+House, Why? 'Cause it doesn't make sense?
+Wilson," Because I'm not gonna change your mind, and I don't care. More importantly, you're not gonna change mine."
+House, There is no heaven. There is no hell. Your soul is not gonna float out of your body and join some great unifying energy force. The fact that you're dying is not gonna change that.
+Wilson, (pointing to the door) Please! just go.
+Wilson," House. I have spent the last 20 years holding the hands of people as they die. When I watch that transformation! I'm sorry, I! don't beliEve that we're just a bag of chemicals. (House leaves)"
+Park, So are we gonna talk about the Patient or wait for House?
+Taub, Viral encephalitis.
+Park, It's been going on for ten years. I'm gonna go in there and invite him to participate. I think he'd welcome the distraction. (to Adams) Come with me?
+Taub," Why? When was the last time House listened to anything we said about anything personal? Maybe you'll feel better, but sometimes the truth is there's nothing anyone can do."
+Taub," (getting back to the case) Temporal lobe epilepsy. Causes voices, dizziness. Trauma from seizure would explain the nosebleed."
+Courtney, You know about all of my siblings and cousins and aunts and uncles and�
+Derrick, You're overreacting.
+Courtney, Because you don't trust me enough to tell me�
+Taub, (interrupting) Sorry. It's time to go down for your test.
+Adams," If you wanna wait here, it'll only take about an hour."
+Derrick, No. She's leaving.
+Courtney," Derrick, come on. I mean, we should at least talk."
+Derrick," No, I'd rather you just leave. And you don't need to come back."
+Adams, (into the mic) Time. Any odd tastes or smells?
+Derrick, Nope. Feel fine.
+Adams," (coming into the room with Derrick) Things look fine on my end too. (as she removes the sensor wires) So! you won't admit to your doctors that you're hearing your brother's voice, which is dangerous. And now you lost your girlfriend over it, which is stupid. I assume there's more to the story?"
+Derrick, That's how I was raised.
+Adams, Short story.
+Derrick, (laughs) Yeah.
+Adams," The boss is losing his best friend to cancer. And instead of talking about the pain, he's pretending there is no pain because Everything can be fixed."
+Derrick, My father tried to deal with it. Ironic that he'd drink himself into oblivion after my brother was killed by a drunk driver.
+Adams, Do you need a tissue?
+Derrick," (shaking his head) After dad left, my mom moved us away. She got rid of all the pictures of Christopher and nEver mentioned him again. It was like he nEver existed. And that worked for us."
+Adams," And yet, you kept one."
+Derrick," Uh, my right eye! I was seeing spots, but now I can't see at all. Is that from the test?"
+Adams, (pulling up his eyelid to look into his eye) No. This is something else.
+Derrick, Aah! That hurts.
+Adams, Sorry.
+Adams, How Many fingers?
+Derrick," Two. Fuzzy ones, but two."
+Adams, There's a clot in the artery behind your eye. I just broke it up.
+Derrick, Is that bad?
+Adams," Don't know, because I don't know why it happened."
+House, (from behind him) Hey. Saved us a table.
+Wilson, There are no tables.
+House," I recently hacked into your old files. Found a six-year-old boy with bilateral retinoblastoma. Doctors wanted to take his eyes out before the cancer spread to his brain, and you fought them. AdvoCated for a new photon beam radiation. Saved the kid's vision. PRobably saved his life."
+Wilson, That was my first case at PPTH. Mikey Kimble.
+Michael, (speaking up from a nearby booth) It's Michael now.
+House," Oh, yeah. This is our table."
+Wilson, Wow.
+Wilson, I! (stammering) How are you?
+Michael, I'm doing great. I'm graduating next month.
+Wilson, Already? Little Mikey?
+Michael, And I got accepted to Princeton. And I'm planning on going to med school.
+Wilson, Oh! (laughing)
+House, (breaking the light mood with a stern look) He's going to be a doctor instead of being dead.
+Michael," Dr. House told me all about your situation. That's why I came. There's just so much good that you can do, Even in a small amount of time."
+House," I wonder! (loudly, to the whole cafeteria) Hey! Is there anybody else here who's alive today because of Dr. Wilson?"
+Elderly Woman," Gastric adenocarcinoma. 15 years in remission. Six grandParkldren that I nEver would have met. Thank you, Dr. Wilson."
+Middle Aged Man," Squamous cell lung cancer. 12 years in remission. I was able to walk my daughter down the aisle last May. Thank you, Dr. Wilson."
+House, I did the math. 74 Parkldren are alive today because of you. 14 grandParkldren.
+Wilson, Mikey Kimble started kindergarten before the age cutoff. He would have graduated high school last year.
+Michael, (trying to cover) I flunked a year?
+Wilson, (to the entire cafeteria) Was anybody in this room really a Patient of mine?
+House," They're somewhere. They're giving you a standing ""O"" somewhere. They exist. You saved their lives."
+House, (calling out as Wilson leaves) Its actually more impressive that they're too busy to be here.
+Foreman, What's this?
+Taub, A glowing letter of recommendation you just wrote for me on my laptop. I notice it's lacking your signature at the bottom.
+Foreman, Don't you think you're being a bit premature predicting House's demise?
+Taub, Not demise. Just implosion.
+Foreman," He's going through a rough time, but so far, he's been handling it�"
+Foreman, House.
+House, Your shoes are wet.
+Foreman, Glad to see your emotional turmoil hasn't dulled your powers of observation. I know you're responsible.
+House," No, you don't. 'Cause I didn't do it. WhatEver it is. But if I had shoved those season tickets down some toilets, I would have done it because you asked me to. You wanted to replace Wilson. I prank Wilson all the time. Enjoy. (House leaves the hospital)"
+Wilson," (indicating the empty bottles) I got you three, but I drank them."
+Thirteen," You didn't have to call me, but I appreciate I made the list."
+Wilson," It wasn't entirely unselfish. I didn't feel right approaParkng any of my terminal Patients, but! what is it like?"
+Thirteen, Hmm!
+Wilson, Does it Ever stop being surreal?
+Thirteen," It'll stop, in about! five or six months, give or take, in your case."
+Wilson, (chuckling) You know what happened to me today? One of my Patients suddenly started crying.
+Thirteen, It can't be your first.
+Wilson, The first one! who was crying for me.
+Thirteen," It's the huMan response. It's either overly saccharine, because giving sympathy makes them feel better, or they ignore you, because hiding from mortality makes them feel better."
+Wilson, Why can't they just say something that makes me feel better?
+Thirteen," Like what, exactly?"
+Thirteen," You'd be doing what, two weeks on, two weeks off? So maybe do your first round, see how it goes. Maybe not as horrible, as you fear. Then do the second round, enjoy your two weeks off, and revisit the decision. Rinse, repeat."
+Wilson, I just can't envision spending my remaining time in a chemo suite in Princeton. I want to! enjoy myself with family and friends.
+Thirteen, Friends or friend?
+House," Hi, this is Greg House. Again. Third message, hopefully indicating how much I want you to call me back. I'd say that your son is dying to increase the urgency, but you pRobably already know that. (he ends the call) The fake people who care that Wilson stays alive didn't work, so I need the real people who care about him to tell him what an idiot he's being."
+Adams, Where are we going?
+House, I just got paged to go to the bathroom. I don't know where the rest of you are going.
+Adams," Some of our Patient's symptoms might be physiological, and some might be psychological."
+Taub, You think being forced to bury painful memories is making symptoms worse?
+Park," Grief avoidance can lead to all sorts of anxiety disorders, which can Manifest into physical illness."
+House, (pocketing the pill bottle and continuing down the hall) Let's assume! that all his symptoms are real symptoms.
+Adams, we're going to avoid grief avoidance?
+Taub, Studies after September 11th showed that repression was actually better for coping than dwelling in misery. What about polycythemia vera?
+Adams," RBCs are slightly elevated, but not that much."
+Taub, Hodgkin's lymphoma?
+Park, Would have showed up in the PET scan.
+Adams," What if your guy got hurt at practice? And, like Everything else, just didn't tell anyone. Could have set off DIC, would explain Everything."
+Taub, (motioning toward the bathroom) I thought you had to go to the bathroom.
+House, I didn't say I had to go in.
+Janitor, Need some more mops in here!
+Derrick, What exactly are you looking for?
+Park," Blood. If your spinal fluid is yellow instead of clear, it means you've had a subarachnoid hemorrhage. (she injects the anesthesia) What does your brother say to you? Does he tell you you're gonna be okay?"
+Derrick, Doesn't really work like that.
+Park, I think you hear your brother's voice for a reason.
+Derrick, Thought you guys said that I hear things because I'm sick.
+Park, Yes. But that doesn't explain why you don't hear a different voice. I think your mom didn't let you deal with the grief of losing your brother properly. There are people here who could help you with that.
+Park, (preparing to insert the needle) Okay.
+Park, The opening pressure's way too high.
+Thirteen, (spreading her arms wide) The prodigal daughter returns.
+House, You taking me up on my offer to off you? Think I've still got some leftover propofol.
+Thirteen, (sitting down beside House) Spoke to Wilson.
+House, He's angry because I want him to live longer. Who wouldn't be?
+Thirteen," Friends respect each other's decisions, Even if they don't agree with them. It's called loyalty."
+House, Loyalty is a tool to get people to do things they don't wanna do.
+Thirteen," But you do want to. You may have rationalized it a hundred different ways, but the fact is, you fired me so that I'd be forced to spend the rest of my life doing exactly what I wanted to do. It was pRobably the most! selfless thing anyone has Ever done for me. And you don't Even like me that much."
+House, I surrender. (entering the office) I have been a disloyal! disrespectful jerk. I should have listened to what you wanted.
+Wilson, I'm still not letting my parents return your call.
+House, (sitting down across from Wilson) I made a reservation for two at Carmine's. Tonight. 8:00. No more tricks. No more Manipulations.
+Wilson, Said MaParkavelli.
+House, Just! two friends enjoying the time they have left.
+Wilson," Please, don't�"
+House, I'm not. I promise.
+Wilson, Just dinner?
+House, That depends on how much you have to drink.
+Wilson, That sounds nice.
+Derrick, Mom.
+Molly, I came as soon as I got your message. Is he gonna be okay?
+Adams," We're hoping it's just excess fluid on his brain from an extreme migraine, which isn't good, but it's treatable. He's scheduled to get an MRI as soon as these meds start taking effect."
+Adams," We found that picture in his dorm room. I'm not sure what Derrick's told you, but! he's been hearing Christopher's voice for the last ten years. And it's possible that repressing all that grief he's felt is actually causing some of Derrick's symptoms."
+Derrick," I don't Even know if this voice in my head is something I invented or if it's what Christopher was really like. With no photos, no video! my memories! I really don't have any anymore. Maybe you could just! tell me a little bit about him?"
+Molly, (deflecting) I'm sorry. It was a long drive in. I'm gonna go get a coffee.
+Derrick, Okay.
+Wilson," (laughing) 79-years old, and you told her she was pregnant."
+House," Well, it cured her hiccups."
+House, I didn't expect her to cry for quite so long.
+House," (spotting the waiter as he approaches their table) Now, I know that the tiramisu is great here, but I actually ordered off-menu."
+Wilson," (chuckling) Great. (picking up a cookie) I told you, you didn't hang the bear bag high enough."
+House, (following Wilson's lead and picking up a cookie) It was a smart bear. I'm almost certain he untied my knots.
+Wilson," Well, he wasn't that smart. He left the Oreos behind."
+House, You hiked for 32 miles eating nothing but creAmy filling.
+Wilson, The black stuff is overrated.
+House, (toasting with their Oreos) To climbing the hill.
+Wilson, (thinking) Okay. If I did decide to! stick around a little longer�
+House, Don't do that to me Wilson.
+Wilson," No, I'm not, I'm just � I do feel pretty good and I! Maybe I should try it for a little while."
+House, (carefully) I! I think that's reasonable. (He takes a sip of coffee)
+Wilson, Are you c-conning me? You're conning me.
+House," Wha� just because you folded, that means it must be some evil plan?"
+Wilson," Well, that's usually how it works with you. You drown me in nostalgia so I'll think about our friendship and feel some kind of loyalty and agree to more chemo!"
+House," That was real nostalgia. It was real emotion, a real decision."
+Wilson, A decision that I just made for you! (he sighs)
+House," I need you, okay? I want you to be around as long as possible. 'Cause I don't know what I'm gonna do without you."
+Wilson, (angrily) No. No. (getting up) Don't do that. I don't owe you anything. Our entire relationship has been about you. My dying is about me.
+House, Look at you. You don't wanna die.
+Wilson," (through clenched teeth) Of course, I don't wanna die!"
+House," Well, then fight."
+Wilson, (very angry) I did! I tried.
+House, One time.
+Wilson," House, get out of my car."
+House, You don't have to just accept this.
+Wilson," Yes, I do have to accept this. I have five months to live, and you're making me go through this ALONE! (he sobs) I'm pissed because I'm dying, and it's not fair. And I need! I need a friend. I need to know that you're there. I need�I need you to tell me that my life! was worthwhile, and I! I need you to tell me that you love me."
+House, (with tears in his eyes) No. I'm not gonna tell you that unless you fight.
+Park, Blood vessels are nonreactive. It's not a migraine.
+Derrick, I'm not feeling so great. How much longer?
+Park, (turning on the mic) Finishing up.
+Derrick," (to Park) Thank you, Dr. Adams."
+Park, (looking up) It looks like the ceiling might!.
+Taub, What are you doing back here?
+House," We got a case. Assume the status is, Patient's getting worse. You guys are confused."
+Adams," You think actually showing up for work is enough to make up for ruining an MRI, endangering the Patient, injuring us?"
+House," I got an airtight alibi, that I'm working on."
+Taub, This isn't about the damage. You're back because something's going on with Wilson.
+House, I'm done with Wilson.
+Taub," What does that mean, you're done with Wilson? If he's not dead, you're not done with Wilson."
+Adams, You suddenly think you're gonna make a difference?
+Taub, You can't just abandon him.
+House, It's in his hands now. Get any good pictures before the MRI drowned?
+Park, Enough to know it wasn't a migraine. And the Patient mistook me for Adams.
+House, (motioning toward the team) Come with me.
+House, (to Derrick) Hey.
+House, So what do you think's gonna happen when I stick a needle into his eardrum?
+Taub, You quizzing us?
+House," Oh, this is a good quiz."
+Adams, He'll scream in pain.
+House," Don't listen to her. Very small needle, very steady hand."
+Derrick, (grimacing as House inserts the needle) Ah!
+House," Now, when I pull back on the plunger, what do you think's gonna come out?"
+Park, Air.
+House," Boy, that air sure is red. Persistent stapedial artery. It should disappear in the embryonic stage, but just like his dead brother, he really can't let go. An artery's been pressing against the temporal lobe of his brain, right above the ear canal. It explains the voices, the dizziness, Everything. Now you guys can explain how we're gonna make him better."
+Derrick, (to Park and Adams) Will my brother's voice go away?
+Taub, You're being an ass.
+House, (continuing to walk down the hallway) I just cured a Patient. How 'bout you?
+Taub, You can't just give up on Wilson. You know he needs you. You know he's making an impossible choice. He just doesn't want to live in pain.
+House," (shouting) Life is pain! I wake up Every morning, I'm in pain. I go to work in pain. You know how Many times I wanted to just give up? How Many times I thought about ending it?"
+House, You here to yell at me or give me hockey tickets?
+Park, Had to delay the surgery because our Patient drank ammonia from the janitor's cart. I guess! he didn't want to live without his brother's voice.
+Park, Where are you going?
+House, You can't wait to die?
+House," Here, let me help you."
+Jen, (rising from her chair) Hey!
+Park, (grabbing at House's arm) House!
+Jen, (pulling on House's arm) Hey!
+Park, House!
+House, See? You wanna live!
+Jen, He did something stupid. He's not gonna do it again.
+House, You're resisting me because it's our huMan responsibility to stay alive!
+Park," (ineffectually tugging at House) You made your point, House! Stop!"
+Park, (still brandishing the cane) You've spent your whole life looking for the truth. But sometimes the truth just sucks.
+Wilson," I'm, uh! I'm gonna be leaving, uh, quite a bit earlier then we had talked about. The! next day or two."
+Foreman, What happened? Something between you and House?
+Wilson, (firmly) He's not my Parkld. I cannot be responsible for the happiness of Gregory House.
+Foreman," Well, uh! I'll get these to Frankel."
+Wilson, Okay. Thank you. (he gets up to leave)
+Foreman," You are responsible. The past 20 years you've had three wives, hundreds of colleagues, thousands of Patients. But you've kept that one best friend."
+Wilson," He wants me to suffer a misery, that I don't want to go through."
+Foreman," Chemo won't make your life any better, but caring will. Enduring pain to do some good for someone you care about! Isn't that what life is?"
+Derrick, Mom?
+Jen, (getting up and approaParkng the bed) Yeah?
+Derrick, That picture of Christopher that I had on the stand. Did you take it?
+Jen, Yes.
+Derrick," Did you throw it out? (Jen shakes her head) If I agree to get the surgery, can you bring that picture back? (Jen takes her son's hand in hers)"
+House, (loudly) Not home.
+Wilson, House.
+Wilson, (standing in the doorway) I'm ready to start the next round of chemo.
+House, Why?
+Wilson, Because you need me and! I don't think that's a bad thing anymore.
+House," No. You're the only one I listen to. The last couple of days, I didn't, and I almost killed my Patient. So I think it's time for me to accept that! you're just smarter than I am."
+Wilson, (shaking his head) Are you really okay that there's only five months left?
+House, No. But it's better than nothing.
+Wilson, Um! How do we start?
+House," I'm not gonna say ""I love you."""
+Wilson, (entering the apartment) Thank God. You got any Oreos?
+Jen, (covering his hand with her own) Hey. How are you feeling?
+Derrick, The surgery worked.
+Jen, How can you tell?
+Derrick, 'Cause Christopher's gone.
+Wilson," (pointing) And this is the peak. Almost 8,000 feet."
+House, You do realize that my leg situation has deteriorated a little since the last time we went hiking.
+Wilson, Just add another day.
+Foreman," This is Matt Johnson, the hospital Lawyer."
+House, Yes. I have decided not to proceed with the sexual harassment case.
+Matt," (holding a large plastic bag full of the tickets which Foreman gave House) Are these yours? The plumber retriEved them from the hospital outflow pipe. They caused a sewage backup that ruined the MRI, and they have your name on them."
+House, Gregory Danger House. It's! a very common name.
+Matt, These apparently have your fingerprints on them also.
+House, (standing up) Why don't you tell me how Many hours of picking up trash you want me to do.
+Foreman, House! I tried to keep this internal. The fire department handed the tickets to the police who contacted your parole Officer. It's felony vandalism.
+Matt, You have to report to Mercer County Jail on Monday to serve out the rest of your sentence.
+House, (swallowing hard) And that's! that's how long?
+Foreman, I'm sorry.
+House, (deManding) How long?
+Foreman, (pausing) Six months.
+House, [quietly] Hey.
+Kutner, Don't bother. He's dead.
+House, You're dead too.
+Kutner, [gesturing with his Parkn] The fire isn't.
+Kutner, You might want to get up and start heading for the exit signs.
+House," For all I know, I already am up. More interesting question is why would I hallucinate an ex-employee who I last saw with a self-inflicted gunshot wound, as opposed to someone more! busty? [Kutner takes his gum out of his mouth and looks around.] Care to explain why you're here?"
+Kutner, The dead guy. Who is he? How'd you meet him?
+Oliver, I was in a car accident last month.
+House, I won a swimming trophy in high school. Your turn.
+Oliver, I-I ran out of pain medication. I got an orbital fracture. It's just taking ages to heal.
+House, Take off your shirt. [puts down the Patient file]
+Oliver, My eye's up here. [points]
+House," Orbital fracture means your face went into the windshield, which means your chest went into the steering wheel. Painkillers can suppress heart rate, so unless you want me to kill you, take off your shirt, let me do a heart exam."
+ he continues,]
+House, I also wanted to see the ring of burns around your collarbone.
+Oliver, How'd you know?
+House," The codeine allergy you told the nurse about. That's shorthand for ""give me the strong stuff,"" which matches your seen-better-days-because-my-life-fell-apart suit. The two old burns on your fingers mean you tend to nod off with a cigarette in your hand. No reason you shouldn't do that with one in your mouth. May all your doctors be stupid. [Annoyed, Oliver grabs his jacket and tie, preparing to leave.] Hold on a second. That bruising around your belly button. [He examines the streaky, purple bruise extending for sEveral inches in each direction.] Well, you might get some fun drugs out of this after all."
+House," Cullen's sign. But the ultrasound showed air as well as blood. Now, I know what you're thinking. Hemorrhagic pancreatitis. But I also know what I'm thinking. Doesn't explain the pneuomoperitoneum."
+Adams, You took a new case?
+Park, You ran tests yourself?
+House," I saw the chance to help someone in need, and I instinctively � Oh, no, wait, that was someone else's instinct."
+Taub, Wilson is dying. Your parole Officer is pRobably on his way here right now. How are you possibly in a good mood?
+House, Did you nEver see Dead Poets Society? Carpe diem.
+Adams," Air in his abdomen could mean blah, blah, blah. Blah?"
+Taub," But blah, blah, blah, blah, blah."
+Park," Blah. Blah, blah."
+House, Nobody cares about the medicine. It was a perforated ulcer. Laparotomy to find the hole in his tummy and close it up.
+Kutner, You didn't answer the team's question.
+House," Which is weird, because normally, when I talk to my own employees, I'm under oath and hooked up to a lie detector."
+Kutner, You were looking at six months of prison instead of five months of Wilson. Why happy?
+House, Obviously I had a plan.
+Kutner," Obviously, obviously you had a plan. The more interesting question is why you didn't tell the team. I think it's because part of you knew from the start that the plan wouldn't work."
+House, I need a meeting.
+Foreman, I'm busy. Call my office.
+House, [reaParkng into his pocket] Yes! because wobbly tables don't just unwobble themselves.
+House," I need a meeting. [Foreman hangs up. House puts his cell phone back in his pocket.] Thanks for fitting me in. My team has eight urgent, life-or-death cases that they've been waiting for me to accept or reject."
+Foreman, When is that not true?
+House," Well, right now, for one. But tell my parole board that I'm taking all eight! that no one else can crack them; that you need me here for the next five months or eight people will die."
+Foreman, You're asking me to perjure myself.
+House," It's a tiny, white lie. No offense. Especially since, from what I hear, nothing black is tiny. Except your penis, I guess. [Foreman pushes for the elevator] You really think I wanted to cave in that ceiling? It was a prank that went wrong. Dock my pay, sue me�"
+Foreman, Felony vandalism should have added another year or two to your sentence. It's a miracle the parole board agreed to six months.
+House," [serious] I will go to jail, Eventually. I will pay the price. I just rather that Wilson didn't. Come on, be a friend."
+Foreman," [thinks, then sighs] Okay. But whatEver cases you have, you have to take them all."
+Kutner," ""Be a friend""?"
+House," How Many fingers am I holding up? [He puts his hand behind his back.] Of course you know it's three, because you know Everything I know. Everything my smack-addled brain can remember, including that I actually said, ""be a friend."""
+Kutner," My point wasn't that you said it. My point was, once again, why? I think it's because part of you knew you were gonna need a friend. Part of you knew the plan, Even when it was working, wouldn't work. And right now, I'm curious about why you're sitting on the ground instead of heading for the door."
+Kutner, Guess we've figured out why you're seeing me; your suicidal friend.
+Wilson," He'll call you twice a day. Then his wife will call you twice a day to make sure she understands what he told her you told him, which she won't because he didn't."
+Frankel, Maybe you want to give this one to Connors.
+Foreman, Where's House?
+Wilson," Don't know, don't care. Working. [Foreman doesn't budge. Wilson rolls his eyes and turns to Frankel.] Excuse me."
+Foreman, No one has seen or heard from him since two nights ago.
+Wilson," I'm sure he's enjoying himself. Last time he went to prison, he maxed out his credit cards."
+Foreman," Last time he went to prison, he thought he had you waiting for him."
+Wilson, You think he could've done something stupid?
+Foreman, I think stupid is our best-case scenario.
+Kutner, Why do you want to kill yourself?
+House," Well, here's a reason. I can't Even get stoned without some annoying jerk deciding I need to be deeply analyzed. Isn't this just an incredibly simple calculation? I'm going to jail, losing my job, losing my best friend. Do I need more?"
+Kutner, You think that's the sum total of who you are? A doctor? A friend to Wilson?
+House, I'm also a tremendous baritone. Now go away.
+Kutner," Even with your subconscious, you're evasive. [He sits next to House who refuses to look at him.] Death's not interesting. You exist for what's interesting. Puzzles, ideas, analysis. Death is the opposite of a cool puzzle. It's eternal nothingness. But you don't find life interesting anymore."
+Amber, Stop being an idiot.
+House," Can I have Kutner back, please?"
+Amber, How much pathetic wallowing do I have to sit through?
+House, How are things in hell? Is the humidity the big issue?
+Amber, What happened next with the guy's medical case?
+House, Why?
+Amber," Exactly. Why am I, meaning you, still obsessing about this case? Obviously we think it's relevant to why we're still sitting on the floor of a burning building."
+House, There was a code.
+Adams, Gotta be a clot in his lungs. We need to get him to an O.R.
+Park, No time. His O-2 stats are falling. We have to suck it out here. Bedside embolectomy.
+Adams, Float a catheter through his heart and his oxygenation will get Even worse. He'll die before we can finish the procedure.
+Taub," House, we need a call here."
+Adams, What are you doing? What did you give him?
+House, Five! four! three! two!
+Oliver, [his eyes pop open and he flails at the doctors] Ahhh! Arg!! Ahhh!
+House," Naloxone. We should've got suspicious when his visiting cousin signed in as ""Mr. Tar H. Horse."" Heroin caused the respiratory distress. The naloxone turned off the receptors, caused your distress."
+Oliver, [shouting] I'm not gonna stop doing drugs! It's reality that sucks!
+House, You're saying I'm lying! to my subconscious?
+Amber," People do it all the time. And like it or not, you are a person."
+House, He said Every one of those things.
+Amber," But not then and not like that. This guy was going nuts from the naloxone. He couldn't be rational if you wanted him to be, which you did. Why?"
+House, I compressed the story a little�
+Amber," jttpgyix matters. You nEver talk to Patients for non-diagnostic reasons, but this guy!"
+House, Feeling better?
+Oliver, I'm not gonna stop doing drugs.
+House," You were a stockbroker. Son of a stockbroker. Married, Parkldren."
+Oliver, I was miserable.
+House," Well, you say you were miserable because you need to rationalize screwing it up."
+Oliver," Except I didn't. I mean, I-I did. But I'm not miserable. Not anymore. [House, fascinated, studies Oliver's faces as he talks.] I had a ski injury and painkillers weren't enough, and a friend of mine gave me some heroin. The second it entered my veins, it was like! God had taken over my body. It was like there was no more pain or unhappiness in my life or anybody else's."
+House, But then you lost Everything.
+Oliver, Everything wasn't enough. Because it's reality that sucks.
+Amber, Are you arguing that he's a good role model?
+House, He's happy.
+Amber, He's dead. You heard what you wanted to hear. The more interesting question � always � is why you wanted to hear it.
+Foreman, You're stealing this guy's oxygen?
+House, There's oxygen Everywhere.
+Foreman," You passed on all your cases, reassigned them to other doctors."
+House, They weren't interesting.
+Foreman, They were my reason for getting your sentence delayed!
+House," Yeah, well, I guess you'll have to tell the parole board something else. Maybe that I was in the O.R. the entire day the ceiling collapsed, so I couldn't have caused the plumbing pRoblem."
+Foreman, You set me up.
+House, Not really. You were going to basically perjure yourself so that I could delay jail time. Doesn't it make more sense to actually perjure yourself so that I can actually avoid jail time?
+Foreman, Why are you doing this? Why are you risking destroying yourself?
+House, There's no risk. I know you. You'll do the honest thing. You'll lie.
+Foreman, No.
+House, He's happy.
+Amber, He's dead.
+Amber, You weren't worried.
+House, Of course I was worried. My plan fell through.
+Amber," The plan didn't matter. Your plan to replace that plan didn't matter. Wilson didn't matter. Jail didn't matter. The only thing that mattered, the only thing that Ever mattered, was the puzzle."
+House," I noticed a slight twitch in his thenar eminence, which meant! [to Oliver] You're dying."
+Oliver, Because my thumb's a little shaky?
+House," Plus the thinning in the muscle, plus that speech you gave at Yankee Stadium saying you were the luckiest Man on the face of the earth. Add them up, it means ALS."
+Oliver, Lou Gehrig's disease? You're trapped in your body; you can't move or speak while you just die?
+House," If it makes you feel any better, at this rate, it'll be fast. [As Oliver drops his head onto his pillow, House, standing on the right side of the bed, continues to observe him.] You're not symmetrical."
+Amber, Wait. Now you're standing at the door. What happened in the meantime?
+House," And lo, there was a miraculous wonder � I walked across the room."
+Amber," No, you just skipped over a chunk of conversation."
+House," He swore that he would live a better and more selfless life in his remaining time, blah, blah, blah. After two blahs, I'd heard enough. I moved to the door."
+Amber," No, you're avoiding it."
+House, Do you smell smoke?
+Amber, [accepting his reason for editing his report] Fair enough.
+House, [to Oliver] You're not symmetrical. The veins on your right side are distended.
+Oliver, What does that mean?
+House, [examining Oliver's neck] There's a bulge in your superclavicular notch. There's something in there.
+Oliver, What?
+House," Well, I'm not that good a doctor. [pulls over an ultrasound maParkne and checks Oliver's neck] Good news: your case is fascinating. And good news for you: you're gonna live."
+House," [voice over] You've inhaled a small branch, pRobably while you were realizing that it's all worth it, while you were passed out on a Park bench. Anyone else would have coughed it up, but 'cause you're a junkie, your cough reflex is suppressed."
+Oliver, [voice over] And it grew?
+House," [voice over] Not unless you also inhaled a chunk of the sun and a drip-irrigation system, you idiot. It set off an auto-immune reaction, which � I can't help saying this � was the root of all your pRoblems. [Taub holds up a small piece of a fir branch, including the needles.]"
+Amber, You're smiling.
+House," I was, and now I'm not. Because a moment's fun a few days ago does not trump a friend dying."
+Amber," [staring down at him] Yeah, it does, you idiot. 'Cause after he's dead, you cry for a while, and then you go back to doing what you love."
+House," Every Patient that I've had, 70 years from now, they'll all be as dead as Wilson. Everybody dies. It's meaningless."
+Amber," [sitting next to him] When you solve a puzzle, the world makes sense, and Everything feels right. And you'll always have another one, because people always get sick. It's shallow and it's insignificant, but if you don't give a damn if idiots live, why would you possibly give a damn about shallowness? It makes you happy. And why would you need more than that? Go home."
+Wilson, Foreman! [Foreman enters from the hallway.] House would nEver leave food out here rotting for days.
+Foreman, His suitcases are in his closet.
+Wilson, If we had handled this differently�
+Foreman, We did the right thing. [A phone rings. They go into the kitchen. House's cell phone is on the counter. Foreman answers it.] Hello? I'll let his accountant know. [hangs up] House no-showed on a hooker two nights ago.
+Wilson," [grabs the phone] Outgoing calls. Hooker! me, I didn't pick up. Parknese place!"
+Foreman," Wait, wait, wait. Who's that? He called four times."
+Wilson, I don't know.
+Male Patient, It's a total disaster. Do you have any idea how hard it is to schedule a cable appointment with the hours that I work?
+Foreman, House has been missing for two days. We know he talked to you.
+Wilson," Anything you can tell us about his mental state, or where he was headed � anything at all�"
+Nolan, [sitting up straight] Would be a breach of confidentiality and a violation of the law.
+Foreman, Not if he's a danger to himself or someone else.
+Male Patient, Is this coming out of our 50 minutes?
+Foreman, Is this your douche bag group?
+Nolan, [to the Patient] Excuse me.
+Nolan, What makes you think he's a danger to himself?
+Foreman," He hasn't been home, but he didn't take anything with him, not Even his cell."
+Wilson," You're not saying anything, which means he didn't specifically mention suicide, but you came out here to talk to us, so he must have said something that worries you."
+Nolan, [carefully] There are other ways of reaParkng oblivion.
+Wilson, Vicodin?
+Foreman, He always has his Vicodin. There's no reason to call a shri� His last Patient was a heroin addict.
+Nolan, So I guess we're all done here. [Heads back in.]
+Wilson, The guy's address has gotta be in the file.
+Stacy," What about God? You were leaving, and then you stopped. Why?"
+House," Your theory is I'm not leaving, because I beliEve in God? What, he's calling me home?"
+Stacy, Maybe falling through that floor was a sign. Maybe that the universe hates you. Something. You really don't beliEve? Really? Not in some deep crack of some remote recess of some dark corner of your mind?
+House, No. Except that some deep crack of some remote recess of some dark corner is here telling me�
+Stacy," That's enough. In a burning building, facing imminent death, that's more than enough."
+House, Pascal's wager is facile.
+Stacy," Saying it's facile is facile. Why is it wrong? [He stares at her.] Don't be logical, be desperate. You gotta have something to hold on to."
+House, You can't live your life based on something you don't beliEve.
+Stacy, But you can end your life based on something you don't beliEve? What about love? I lived with you for years. I know you beliEve in love.
+House," Foreman wouldn't help me, which means I need you to take the fall."
+Wilson," You do remember I'm dying, right?"
+House," Which is you will nEver spend a day in jail. Fresh-faced, cancer-ridden. It's tough to do both, but you pull it off."
+Wilson, Your fingerprints are all over those hockey tickets.
+House, I nEver admitted to flushing anything. My prints make sense if I gave those tickets to you as an incentive to stay alive.
+Wilson," And I was so angry that you didn't respect my dying wishes, I took thousands of dollars of season tickets and flushed them down toilets?"
+House, All you have to do is create reasonable doubt.
+Wilson," Great, what if I do more than that? What if I end up in jail? Or spending my final months in endless hearings?"
+House, That is a risk you are willing to take.
+Wilson, I have a reputation. I have a legacy that could�
+House, [sincerely] Wilson! I don't want to lose this time with you.
+Wilson, Okay.
+House, Thanks. I knew I could count on you.
+Wilson, Wait! Wait.
+House," [stops, mouth full] You want the fries back?"
+Wilson, I'm not gonna take the fall.
+House," Don't do this to me, Wilson. This is our only option."
+Wilson," Exactly, because you overplayed your hand with Foreman, because you knew you had me as a backstop. Even with me dying, you-you just assumed I'd be here to bail you out."
+House," Since you're here, and you are bailing me out, it seems like a pretty safe assumption."
+Wilson," Hey! I won't be here soon. If I do this, I'm teaParkng you that your bad behavior will always be rewarded. You need to learn�"
+House," How to act when you're gone? 'Cause if that's the lesson, we got a really great opportunity coming up."
+Wilson," You'll just try to find someone else, and it won't work, and it shouldn't work!"
+House, So that's the great wisdom you're imparting? That I'll always be alone?
+Wilson, There's only one person you can count on.
+House," [pause, quietly] I thought there were two."
+Wilson, [looking a little guilty] I need to do this! for you.
+Stacy, Wilson's right. He's always right. He's always been your good side.
+House, I always wondered why I photographed so poorly.
+Stacy," And because he's always played that role, you've nEver had to dEvelop a conscience of your own."
+House, People don't change. Consciences don't spontaneously dEvelop.
+Stacy," You're wrong, Greg. Which is! why you'll be better off without him. You've been looking to him to find what you have gotta find within yourself. [She stands and holds her hand out to him.] Something you can find."
+Stacy, Hold your Parkld.
+House," This is a reason to die. This is what my life could've been, not what it can be."
+Stacy," If it could've been, you're capable of it now."
+House, You're married. Cuddy's gone.
+Stacy, We aren't the only two people who could love you.
+House, Why settle so easily? [The kiss with one of the identically clad cheerleaders surrounding him ends and he turns to the girl on the other side for a kiss.] These are just idiotic fantasies!
+Stacy," Greg, don't."
+House, ! at odds with Every logical bone in my body.
+Stacy, Get up. [angry] You do not have to die in here!
+House, Is this hell? An eternity of people trying to convince me to live?
+Cameron, [sitting on the floor in front of him.] Who says I'm here to convince you to live?
+House, You're the last one I thought would hate me.
+Cameron, I don't hate you. I love you.
+House, And yet you think I deserve to die.
+Cameron, But not as a punishment. As a reward. I think! you've suffered enough. You've given enough. I think you deserve a chance to just! give up.
+House, Like Wilson did?
+Cameron, [ignoring the contemptuous tone House used] Like Wilson did. You accepted his choice � that ending the pain was better than the pain. Why can't you give yourself that gift?
+Foreman, This is the address House's Patient gave?
+Wilson, Everybody lies. [looks around] You smell smoke?
+Cameron, Just let go. Just go to sleep.
+House, I had a chance to avoid this.
+Cameron," You had Many chances, and you blew them all up."
+House," No, this was different."
+Cameron," They're all different, but the reasons are all the same. You're arrogant. You're self-destructive. You only care about yourself."
+House, That moment with the Patient! the chunk of the conversation I skipped over! I told him he was dying.
+House," If it makes you feel any better, at this rate, it'll be fast."
+Oliver," [thinks] Let me take the fall. For you, for that prank."
+House, [puzzled] You don't owe me anything.
+Oliver, You tried to save me.
+House, I failed. Motives don't matter. Only actions.
+Oliver," Trying is an action. Why are you trying to talk me out of this? You just fake the records. You say I came into the clinic last week. I'll tell the cops you treated me like crap, so I stole your tickets and flushed 'em."
+House, Thank you. [stands and crosses to the door] And you're doing this because you're dying?
+Oliver, I'm doing this because I have nothing left to lose.
+House," [thinking through this puzzle] So when you were living, you did nothing for anyone and you didn't care. Now that you're dying, you're willing to help a virtual stranger. Which means you're a better person dying than you Ever were living, and the world is a better place because I didn't save you. Which makes me wonder why I'm about to tell you! you're not symmetrical."
+Cameron, What's your point? That you cared about him more than you cared about yourself? You cared about the puzzle more than you cared about yourself.
+House," If I kept it to myself, then it would just be a puzzle, but I opened my mouth because I thought it was more."
+Cameron," You know it's the same, or you wouldn't be bickering with me while the flames lick at your feet. You're afraid of this decision, and you are trying to argue until fate takes it out of your hands. You're taking the cowardly way out. And worse! you're too cowardly to Even admit you're taking the cowardly way out."
+House, You're right. But I can change.
+Adams, He could've gotten out.
+Park," People are found sometimes, Even in! collapsed�"
+Taub, I think they're pulling a body out.
+Foreman, Coroner confirms it's him. Dental records match. [He collapses back against the wall.]
+Park, House hired me when no one else would.
+Adams, He got me fired. [clarifies] He gave me the guts to get fired.
+Masters, He gave me the courage to quit.
+Blythe, Gregory was � he was a good son. [She sounds a little surprised.]
+Stacy," He was a trying boyfriend, but I! nEver stopped loving him."
+Dominika, He was my husband for real. [slight laugh] I couldn't help but love him.
+Foreman, He was my boss. And! my employee. And both times! I learned from him.
+Taub," He made me a better parent, whether he meant to or not."
+Thirteen, [awed] He was willing to kill me. And I'll always be grateful.
+Chase, He wasn't always easy to deal with.
+Cameron, But somewhere in there! he knew how to love.
+Wilson," [reading his notes] He was my friend. The thing you have to! remember � the thing you can't forget is that Gregory House saved lives. [large, open-handed shrug] He was a healer. And-and in the end!"
+Wilson," House was an ass. [That gets Everyone's attention.] He mocked anyone �Patients, co-workers, his dwindling friends � anyone who didn't measure up to his insane ideals of integrity. He claimed to be on some heroic quest for truth, but the truth is, he was a bitter jerk who liked making people miserable. And he proved that by dying selfishly, numbed by narcotics, without a thought of anyone. A betrayal of Everyone who cared about him."
+Wilson," Phone. A million times he needed me, and the one time that I needed him�[The phone rings again. A few people shift uncomfortably. Nolan checks his phone to see if it's on.] Oh, come on. This is a funeral. Just get it. [The phone rings two more times. Foreman starts to take his phone from his jacket pocket. Wilson realizes it's the phone in his pocket.] Well, this is embarrassing. Could've sworn I turned this off. [mutters] This isn't my phone."
+House, Hi.
+Wilson, How?
+House, I got out of the back of the building.
+Wilson, The body�
+House, Just switched the dental records.
+Wilson, You're destroying your entire life. You can't go back from this. You'll go to jail for years. You can nEver be a doctor again.
+House," I'm dead, Wilson. How do you want to spend your last five months?"
+Wilson, When the cancer starts getting really bad!
+House, Cancer's boring.