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+name,line
+Megan Bradberry," [into phone] Yeah, I said I'm sorry. I'm just not feeling too hot."
+INTERCUT WITH," [Office Parking Lot. Day. Ben Prosner gets out of his car, speaking to her.]"
+BEN PROSNER, [into phone] You're sneezing. You can do that at a movie theatre.
+Megan Bradberry," [into phone] Yeah, and I'll be in a nice old chair when I collapse. I'm exhausted, babe."
+BEN PROSNER," [into phone] Oh, come on! We're gonna be late! Episode Four nEver comes to the big screen. This is the pre-Lucas-ised version, remember? None of that ""Greedo shooting first"" crap."
+Megan Bradberry, [into phone] Go without me.
+BEN PROSNER, [into phone] What are you talking about? You love Star Wars. [uncertain] Don't you?
+Megan Bradberry, [into phone] Ben!
+BEN PROSNER," [into phone, scandalized] Since when?"
+Megan Bradberry, [into phone] Since just before I started pretending I loved it.
+Megan Bradberry, [into phone] I'm sorry. I was just trying to be supportive.
+BEN PROSNER," [into phone, shortly] Fine. I'll go alone."
+BEN PROSNER," [into phone, sincere] Baby, I'm sorry."
+Megan Bradberry, [into phone] Me too. I'm so woozy I can hardly think.
+BEN PROSNER, [into phone] We'll hang out at home.
+Megan Bradberry," [into phone] No, you should go."
+Megan Bradberry, [into phone] Did you just feel something?
+BEN PROSNER, [into phone] Feel? Like what?
+Megan Bradberry, [into phone] Is there an earthquake?
+BEN PROSNER, [into phone] In New Jersey?
+Megan Bradberry," [into phone] Oh, God."
+BEN PROSNER, [into phone] What?
+Megan Bradberry," [into phone] I think I'm, like!"
+Megan Bradberry, [into phone] !hallucinating.
+Megan Bradberry," [scared, into phone] Call 911."
+Cuddy," Twenty-six-year-old female, gas main exploded under her building, she was pulled out of the rubble after six hours."
+Cuddy, [continuing when he's done] Two surgeries for multiple fractures and burns.
+House," I'm thinking the broken bones are a response to the building falling on her head. [gives her a ""but-I-could-be-wrong"" shrug]"
+Cuddy, And the fEver? She's the only collapse victim whose body temperature!
+House, [interrupting] Put her on antipyretics.
+Cuddy, Already have. The fEver's holding at a hundred-and-four. Fluctuating consciousness.
+House, Can't take the case. I don't have a team.
+Cuddy, [smilingly holds up a file of r�sum�s] So hire a team.
+House, What for? I don't have a case.
+Cuddy, Have you Even interviewed anybody?
+House, You test drive a car before you buy it. You have sex before you get married. I can't hire a team based on a ten-minute interview. What if I don't like having sex with them?
+Cuddy, You've spent the last two weeks doing absolutely nothing. Concert is over.
+House, In what twisted universe does mastering Eddie Van Halen's two-handed arpeggio technique count as absolutely nothing?
+Cuddy, [threatening] Take the case or you will spend the next month helping the collapse team change bandages.
+House," [betting] I diagnose her! alone! by the end of the day, you go away for a week."
+Cuddy, Done.
+Wilson, It's not gonna work.
+Cuddy," If he solves the case, we cure the girl."
+Wilson, And prove he doesn't need a team.
+Cuddy, He's not gonna solve the case. Not that fast.
+Wilson, Why not?
+Cuddy, [insisting] Because he needs a team! And this'll prove to him!
+Wilson," You wanna change his mind about something, you need a more convincing argument than ""You promised."""
+House, [announcing as he writes] FEver. Non-responsive to antibiotics and antipyretics.
+House, Fluctuating consciousness. Go!
+LEON THE JANITOR, [vo] You talking to me?
+House, [thinks a sec] Yes.
+House, Imagine that! the roof of the storage closet collapses on your favorite! [seeing the spray bottle in Leon's hand] floor buffer. Which then starts overheating.
+LEON THE JANITOR, Why would I have a favorite floor buffer?
+LEON THE JANITOR, Okay. [thinks] Maybe the electrical works got banged up in there from stuff falling on it.
+House," Hmm, interesting. Brain damage leading to hypothalamic dysregulation."
+House," Nah. If you're brought in covered in rubble, it's all about the MRIs. We'd have seen that. [clapping his hands] C'mon! Gotta earn that fiver."
+LEON THE JANITOR," [pointing to the spray] Or stuff leaked in the holes, messing it up."
+House, Lacerations leave multiple portals for infection. Bacteria would've responded to the antibiotics. 'S too high for viral.
+House, [as he writes] Parasites or fungus is possible.
+LEON THE JANITOR, Or maybe lupus.
+LEON THE JANITOR, My grandma has lupus.
+House," [writing] Okay, autoimmune. I'll run a lupus panel. Infection fits best. Complete history would be helpful. Which leads to the worst part of the job."
+House, Dealing with the floor buffer's family.
+ BRADBERRY," We talked Every couple of weeks, but Ben would know better than I!"
+BEN PROSNER," No farms, no travel anywhere weird."
+House," You get that, Dr. Buffer?"
+House, The file says she was sick before the building collapsed.
+BEN PROSNER," I figured it was just a cold. Why, do you think it's related?"
+House, Her being sick and her being sick? Often is.
+BEN PROSNER, She was unconscious when I found her.
+BEN PROSNER, [hesitates] We'd been fighting. I just wanna! Just tell me she's gonna be okay.
+House, [as cruel as he can be] I'm not Even sure you're gonna be okay.
+House, Show-off.
+House," You know how the laughter of little Parkldren is infectious? Well, parasites and fungi are Even more so. We're gonna find out which one is making her brain bubble over."
+House, EPA's doing that job for us. They say it's clean. Which means we're making a pilgrimage to Castle Blackberry.
+House, No need. I'm sure we can find a large rock somewhere.
+House, [patting his pocket] I got some loose change here says you don't.
+Wilson, Where's the restaurant?
+House, What restaurant?
+Wilson, The one you said you were taking me to for lunch.
+House," Oh. [points to one House] Uhhh, this one's homier. Dibs on the cold pizza."
+Wilson, I'm sure it looked easier on YouTube.
+House, Oops.
+Wilson," Yeah, you don't need a team. You can't Even get arrested without company."
+House, You're right. Only one solution. NEver replace them. Ever.
+Wilson, Do you need help?
+House," Yeah, yeah, patronize the poor cripple."
+House, [wincing] Ow.
+Wilson, Lemme! get that.
+House, I got it.
+Wilson, Will you! let me! just let me get it.
+House, I'll check the bedroom.
+House," [calling out, as if hard at work] Some interesting mold on the windowsill here! It's gonna take me a while."
+Wilson, [resigned] I'll cover the bathroom.
+House, She had a secret diary.
+Wilson, Is there any other kind?
+House, What're you doing?
+Wilson, There's a sale on Liquid Tide.
+House," If you're broke, I can lend you a tiny bit of the money I owe you."
+Wilson," No, no, I wouldn't put you in that position. What does the diary say?"
+House," It's basically a list of her sexual encounters. Boys, girls, vibrating appliances."
+Wilson," If it was, you'd be quoting, not summarizing."
+House," [reading the diary] This is a parade of sad banalities. ""I can hardly get out of bed. Feeling blue."" Then, three months ago, turns into a parade of happy banalities. ""Starting to turn the corner. Job's looking up."""
+Wilson, We can stop swabbing. Her clich�s are getting healthier.
+House, Or she's less depressed. Aren't there pills that do that?
+Wilson, Antidepressants don't cause fEver.
+House," Not on their own. But the ER Didn't know she was on MAO Inhibitors, so they gave her demerol. 'S a nasty combo."
+Wilson," So all you have to do is convince this kid that his girlfriend had a secret doctor, and a secret stash, and a secret life. It's been a while since a Patient took a swing at you. Can I watch?"
+House, I only have to convince the mother. [thinks] Actually! I don't have to convince anyone.
+BEN PROSNER," This it total crap. If she was seeing a psyParkatrist, I'd know. If she was on drugs, I'd know."
+ BRADBERRY, But why antidepressants? I don't understand.
+BEN PROSNER, Stop saying that.
+ BRADBERRY," Dr. Buffer, what is going on? What aren't you telling us?"
+BEN PROSNER, He's a janitor?
+House," More significantly, a blabbermouth."
+Cuddy," House, shut up! I am! very sorry how Dr. House handled this. It is completely unforgivable."
+Cuddy, [uneasy] Except if he's right.
+Cuddy, Dialysis will filter her blood.
+BEN PROSNER, [firm] There's nothing to filter.
+Cuddy, Save her life.
+BEN PROSNER, She wasn't depressed.
+House," ""I'm miserable around Ben."""
+House," Not me. I like Ben. [pulling out the diary] February 12th. [tosses it to Ben] Either she's depressed, or she just thinks you're a jerk. Neither suggests that you should be the one directing her medical treatment."
+ BRADBERRY, Does the diary say my daughter's taking these drugs?
+House," No, but medically!"
+ BRADBERRY, [interjecting] Did you find drugs in their home?
+House, She's pRobably hiding them in her purse. [stands] I thought it'd be rude to go searParkng under a thousand tons of rubble.
+BEN PROSNER, This was months ago. We were in a fight. Doesn't mean she's depressed and it doesn't mean she doesn't love me.
+House," Fine, maybe the diary proves nothing. On the other hand, half the country's on antidepressants. And it fits her symptoms perfectly."
+House, [to Mrs. Bradberry] No ring on your daughter's finger means you make the decisions.
+ BRADBERRY, [stammers] I-I'm n-not sure! that I know her well enough anymore.
+House, You really wanna risk her life on how well _he_ knows her?
+House," [into phone] Wilson, you idiot."
+THE GUITARNAPPER," [from phone] Listen carefully, and no one will get hurt."
+THE GUITARNAPPER, [from phone] You must follow these instructions.
+Wilson," [deep voice, into phone] Any attempt to contact the FBI or other law enforcement agencies, or! Cuddy, will be met with!"
+Wilson, [into phone] !and a large Coke. No ice.
+House, Give it back.
+Wilson, [innocently] What happened?
+Wilson, [melodramatic] Did someone! kidnap your guitar?
+Wilson, Your twelve-thousand-dollar 1967 Flying V? Or something?
+House, Where'd you hide it?
+Wilson, I am flattered you would consider me this bold and brilliant.
+House," Yeah, it takes a cr!"
+House," It takes a criminal mastermind to pull off a heist from an unlocked, unguarded room down the hall. What do you want?"
+Wilson, [bright-eyed] Me? Nothing. But I'm sure the kidnapper wants what Every kidnapper wants. To see you interview five to sEven well-qualified fellowship candidates.
+House, [stubborn] I don't need a team.
+Wilson, You were bouncing ideas off a janitor.
+House, [victorious] And solved the case!
+Cuddy," [gently] Hi. I'm Dr. Cuddy. If you can hear what I'm saying, blink once."
+Cuddy," You can't talk right now. You have a tube down your throat. And try not to move your head. You've been in a terrible accident. But it looks like you will have no perManent injuries. You've had a bad fEver, but it's gone now."
+BEN PROSNER," I've been here the whole time, Honey, okay? I'm not leavin'."
+Cuddy," This is very important. I need you to blink one for ""yes"", twice for ""no"". Were you seeing a psyParkatrist?"
+Cuddy, Were you on MAO Inhibitors? The antidepressant.
+BEN PROSNER," Megan, it's okay. It doesn't matter, okay? I love you."
+ BRADBERRY," [scared] Honey? Honey, what's wrong?"
+Cuddy," Megan, are you all right?"
+BEN PROSNER, What's happening? Are we upsetting her?
+Cuddy, Heart is beating too fast. [to an approaParkng nurse] Get the family out of here.
+ BRADBERRY, [crying] Megan? Megan?
+Cuddy, Charging to two hundred.
+BEN PROSNER," Meg, Meg."
+ BRADBERRY, Megan.
+Cuddy, Clear!
+Cuddy," We shocked her back into sinus rhythm, but she's still tachycardic."
+House, Fascinating. Equally fascinating is! why are you here?
+Cuddy, I was gonna leave you alone if you won the bet. [smiling] But you lost.
+House, I explained the fEver. Which is all we were talking about.
+House, She confirmed the antidepressants. Go bet with someone else if you want to explain the heart pRoblems.
+Cuddy, She confirmed them by winking. Maybe there was a cute guy across the room.
+House, She got better when I treated her. Even I'm not that cute.
+Cuddy," Two unrelated symptoms, just a coincidence. Or! you're grasping at straws to avoid admitting you can't do this on your own."
+House," [putting the Polaroid on his desk] Fine, what explains the fEver and persistent tachycardia?"
+Cuddy, It could be anything. Endocarditis.
+House," Nope. FEver, no infection."
+Cuddy, [thinking] Um!
+House," [hands her a marker] Keep going, you're doing great."
+House, You win.
+Wilson, I don't beliEve you.
+House, I'm not gonna play this game. Just give me the damn r�sum�s.
+House, And my guitar.
+Wilson, [innocently] I don't have it. Although I did hear some plangent strumming from under that couch earlier.
+Wilson," Wow. This kidnapper isn't just bold, he's diabolical. I guess he realized he pRobably shouldn't give it back to you until after you've had the interviews."
+House," Huh! You didn't write anything. So what you're saying is, you didn't find that one big explanation! 'cause there isn't one. ClEver."
+Cuddy," Well, let's just say, your antidepressant theory does explain the fEver. What about the heart? And don't say a building fell on her."
+House, Okay! [clears his throat] A structure collapsed!
+Cuddy, Shut up.
+House," Come on, it fits. Crushed musculature releases potassium, causes V-Tach."
+Cuddy," You'd think she'd get Crush Syndrome after she was crushed, not two days later."
+House, Microvascular occlusions. Takes that long for the blood to reperfuse.
+Cuddy, She'd have a baggy heart. [tosses him the marker] Echo it to confirm.
+BEN PROSNER, Is Crush Syndrome good or bad?
+House, Does it sound good?
+BEN PROSNER," I mean, compared to the other things it could be."
+House, There are no other things it could be.
+ BRADBERRY, Then why are you testing her?
+House, Excellent question.
+ BRADBERRY, [apprehensively] What! what is it?
+House, The heart's fine.
+BEN PROSNER, [looking at Megan] Why is she sweating? [looking at the monitor] Her fEver's back.
+ BRADBERRY, Why would her fEver be back?
+House, I can't say.
+BEN PROSNER, You don't know?
+House," I know, I just can't say. 'Cause you'll hit me. Let's discuss this in front of witnesses."
+ BRADBERRY, [incredulous] The DTs?
+BEN PROSNER, So she's an alcoholic now?
+House, Her first fEver was from the medication for her depression.
+BEN PROSNER, Or you're wrong.
+House, The second fEver was from the self-medication for depression.
+BEN PROSNER, This is insane. [angrily] You don't think I would have noticed her being constantly drunk?
+House, [shrugs] You were practically living with Sylvia Plath. You didn't notice that.
+Cuddy, [softly to him] Tone it down or I will hit you.
+House," Fine, I'll do liver enzyme tests."
+Cuddy, [whispers to him] Liver enzymes can also be elevated from musculoskeletal trauma. They'd be there whether she had a drinking pRoblem or not.
+House, [whispers in mock-frustration] They don't know that. Just pretend to confirm.
+ BRADBERRY, What's the treatment?
+BEN PROSNER, [unrelenting] She's not an alcoholic.
+House," Hair of the dog, IV alcohol. Taper it off after a few days."
+BEN PROSNER, She's sick and traumatized and half-dead. And you wanna make her drunk.
+ BRADBERRY, [weakly] Just do it.
+BEN PROSNER," [turning to her] You can't do this. We lived together, we were gonna have kids. You barely Even knew her."
+ BRADBERRY," Apparently, neither did you."
+TREVOR KAUFMan," [from phone, upbeat] Hello?"
+House," [into phone] Hi, could I speak to Trevor! [checks the r�sum�] KaufMan?"
+TREVOR KAUFMan," [from phone] Yo, yo, it's Trev. What up?"
+House, [into phone] This is Dr. Gregory House. Can you come in tomorrow to interview?
+TREVOR KAUFMan," [from phone] House? Are you serious? Awesome! [whispering to someone on his side] Hey, dude, I got the House interview!"
+S ROOMMATE," [from phone] Ohh, look at me! I got the House interview!"
+TREVOR KAUFMan," [from phone] Dude, shut up! I'm on the phone! Shut-up!"
+S ROOMMATE, [from phone] I'm so cool!
+TREVOR KAUFMan, [from phone] Give me the phone back.
+S ROOMMATE, [from phone] Woooo!
+TREVOR KAUFMan, [from phone] Give me the phone back!
+Wilson, I got a page.
+MALE NURSE," No, you didn't."
+Wilson, They called a code.
+MALE NURSE," No, they didn't."
+MALE NURSE," [smiling] You got a page, but not from us."
+House," [into phone] Did you Ever see ""Raid on Entebbe""?"
+Wilson," [into phone] Yeah, in the end, they released the hostages. How's that working for you?"
+House, [into phone] The Ugandans played fair. They didn't move the hostages on the Israelis.
+Wilson," [into phone] Once again, I am in awe of the kidnapper's tactical brilliance."
+House," [into phone] What is ""El Fuego Del Amor"" and why do you need ten of them?"
+Wilson," [into phone, nervous] It's a Telenovela. I'm learning Spanish."
+House, [into phone] Say adios.
+Wilson," [into phone, panicked] Are you erasing my TiVo? [pleading] House, not the season finale!"
+House," [into phone, Bronson-like] I don't negotiate with terrorists. I smoke them out of their hidey-holes."
+Wilson, [into phone] Do you know what terrorists do when you don't negotiate? [threatening] They terrorize.
+House," [into phone, challenging] Bring-it-on."
+Cuddy," FEver's down. Sweating has abated. Heart's working fine. Guess House was right. [hates saying it, but!] Again."
+ BRADBERRY," That's good news, right?"
+Cuddy, It is good news.
+BEN PROSNER," So what does this mean, she's an alcoholic? There's no other explanation?"
+Cuddy," [looks at Megan, quietly] No, sorry."
+BEN PROSNER, It doesn't make any sense.
+ BRADBERRY," Dr. Cuddy, she's doing this thing with her mouth again."
+BEN PROSNER, It's been on and off for the last couple hours. Is she trying to talk?
+Cuddy, No. I think she's screaming.
+House, [cheerful] Morning!
+Cuddy, [reacts with a start] Uh-huh. Where did you come from?
+House," Apes, if you beliEve the Democrats. I heard you were there when I was proven right. The alcohol treatment took away the heart and fEver pRoblems."
+Cuddy," Yes, I was also there when you were proven wrong. She'd been silently screaming for two hours."
+Cuddy, Amylase and lipase are through the roof. She has pancreatitis.
+House, IV alcohol can cause pancreatitis.
+Cuddy, Okay.
+House, You're not gonna argue with me?
+Cuddy, Nope.
+House, You think I'm right?
+Cuddy, Nope.
+House, Why not?
+Cuddy, Nope.
+House," It's not really a ""Yes or No"" question."
+Cuddy, Which is why I'm not answering it.
+House," If it's not the IV alcohol, it's gotta be the!"
+Cuddy, [interjecting] Not interested.
+House," If I'm wrong, she's gonna die. Are you sure you're still Dean of Medicine?"
+Cuddy, I'm not interested in arguing because I'm not interested in enabling you. You need someone to bounce ideas off of. You need a team.
+Cuddy, Don't follow me.
+House, [counting on his fingers] MAO Inhibitor caused the fEver. Alcohol caused the pancreatitis. Alcohol withdrawal caused the V-Tach
+House," [reading] ""Your logic is irrefutable."""
+Cuddy, You're wrong.
+House," Well, who're you gonna beliEve? A classic toy or a Woman who, if she had any confidence in her ideas, wouldn't feel the need to distract you with a water bra?"
+Cuddy, [ignoring the jibe] Are you really just gonna treat the pancreatitis?
+House, Are you here to enable me?
+Cuddy, I don't want her to die because you're stubborn.
+House," Wow, so you can enable and rationalize at the same time. I guess you are still Dean of Medicine."
+Cuddy," If you're right, then this guy, who's not an ass, who's not a workaholic, who's not a sociopath, has somehow missed both her depression and sEvere alcoholism."
+House," Yes, imagine that, a couple with secrets."
+Cuddy, [insistent] Why would she lie?
+Cuddy," [deadpan] Okay, alcoholism you don't wanna advertise. But! [notices House's shocked expression]"
+Cuddy," If you're right, there'd be an abnormality on the pancreas. At least do an MRI to confirm."
+Wilson, [in mock-disgust] Oh! my! God.
+Wilson," This guy means business. Or guys. Could be, could be multiple! Could be multiple guys. Or a gal. Who knows? All I can say is, this reeks of boldness."
+House, [staring him down] I am not hiring a team.
+Wilson," You Ever tighten a guitar string really, really slowly?"
+Wilson, Past the point it can handle the strain? It makes this weird! sound.
+Wilson, Almost like a scream.
+Wilson," I thought this was gonna be fun. I mess with you, you mess with me. Eventually, you give in. But you've shown a startling lack of humor, which got me thinking."
+House," [mumbling] Oh, God."
+Wilson, What's the real reason you won't hire a team?
+House," I told you, I don't need a team."
+Wilson, Then hire three people and let 'em sit on their asses.
+House, That wouldn't be right.
+Wilson," Three years ago, you hired a team. What's changed?"
+House, I've become a Man of principle. I've gotten smarter. What answer will make Socrates shut up?
+Wilson," [Dr. Phil-son] What's changed is, you hired a team. You connected with a team. You worked with a team. And you lost a team."
+House, [looking at the monitor] Damn. There's no abnormalities in her pancreas.
+Wilson," You fall in love, you get married. Fifty percent chance it'll end in misery. Hiring employees can be Even tougher. Because you know, Eventually, they're gonna leave."
+House, There's increased T2 signal on her hepatic capsule. [looking at Wilson] If you know what I mean.
+Wilson, You got hurt. Get over it.
+House," Now, if you'll excuse me, my Patient is about to start bleeding out of her mouth and anus."
+Cuddy, Internal bleeding.
+House, Not anymore. Now it's all over the place.
+Cuddy, Why are you here?
+House, That's my Patient down there.
+Cuddy, You're here because I'm here. [confidently] I am done enabling you.
+House, I know.
+Cuddy," [without a pause] The alcohol didn't cause the pancreatitis, the internal bleeding did. The question is, what caused the internal bleeding? I hate myself."
+House, You do know that the Patient had a building land on her.
+Cuddy, Four days ago.
+House, Bleeding can start at any time.
+Cuddy, It's bleeding from five different sites. You think they synchronized their watches?
+House, She got warfarin after her hip surgery. It's designed to mess with bleeding patterns.
+Cuddy," FEver, heart and bleeding. Three pRoblems, three completely different explanations. She must be the unluckiest Woman in the world."
+House, [dogged] I only cling to this crazy theory because it's been proven right Every step of the way. Each treatment worked.
+Cuddy," [deadpan] Yes, she looks perfectly healthy. This much bleeding is a symptom of something more. And you need a team because you're wrong and you're gonna kill this Woman."
+House," If I had a team, this Patient would be dead. Because they'd be here instead of me and they wouldn't notice the size of this Woman's uterus."
+House, Hi! How's it going? Mind if I observe?
+SURGEON, [hardly bothered] Got a big room up top with a big window just for that.
+House," Oh, stop that."
+SURGEON," You wanna look at vaginas, there are websites for that."
+House, Am I made of money?
+SURGEON," [to Cuddy, in the Observation Deck] Can you get him out of here?"
+House," Enlarged uterus. Means that she was recently pregnant. She's a good liar, but I doubt she could hide a baby from her boyfriend."
+House," Scraping in the uterus indiCates that she had an abortion. But nothing in her medical history. Only one reason to hide an abortion. Boyfriend wants babies, she doesn't."
+SURGEON, She's bleeding Everywhere. Unless the guy was performing an abortion with a shotgun!
+Cuddy, [over intercom] Stop enabling him!
+House," It's not the abortion, it's what she did after. The boyfriend would have noticed condoms. He would notice abstinence. He would not notice the pill. Which means, [to Cuddy] I don't need a team!"
+House," Hey, where's your mother-in-common-law?"
+BEN PROSNER," [stands, introduces the other guy] Dr. House, this is Doug McMurtry. His girlfriend was working with Megan when! [trails off]"
+House, [to Doug] She's dead?
+DOUB MCMURTRY, [choked voice] She passed this morning.
+House," Well, then why are you still here?"
+House, I need the old lady's consent to do some treatment.
+BEN PROSNER, What'd you find out?
+House," I wish I could tell you, but since you're not legally related!"
+BEN PROSNER, What the hell did you did you find out?
+House, Your girlfriend had an abortion. See why I didn't tell you? I'd be insane to also tell you that she's on the pill.
+BEN PROSNER," N-No, she's not."
+House," If they'd known she was on it, they wouldn't have given her a blood thinner after her hip surgery. The combination caused the bleeding. It's good news. It's treatable. Just give her tamoxifen. Which is normally a breast cancer!"
+BEN PROSNER," It's not true. 'Cause, uh, we wanna have kids."
+House," Hmm, I already did the blood tests. Either she lied to you, or her blood lied to us."
+BEN PROSNER, [sighs] Tell Megan I'm glad she's gonna be okay.
+House, How ya doing?
+SAM LEE, I got cancer.
+House," [entering] You're on an oncology ward. Everybody's got cancer. You want sympathy, you wanna try the ""hardly anything wrong with me"" ward. [drops his cane] In fact, why don't I take you there right now?"
+House, How sick are you? Can you walk?
+SAM LEE, [with trepidation] Are you a doctor?
+House," [reading the chart] Admitted today. First day of a five-day chemo course. Yeah, you can walk. C'mon, let's go."
+SAM LEE, Does Dr. Wilson know you're here?
+House," [smiling] Well, if he didn't, this would be really stupid. 'Cause then he wouldn't know where his Patient was. [chuckling] Might think he'd been kidnapped. Now the room upstairs is bigger. It's got cable. Better looking sponge-bath nurses."
+SAM LEE, [intrigued] Oh.
+House," If you feel sick, you call me directly, not Dr. Wilson. He's getting his last set of hormone shots."
+Cuddy, You put her on tamoxifen? An anti-cancer drug?
+House, It blocks estrogen receptors.
+Cuddy, Does it also block breathing and kidney function? She's crashing.
+House, Doesn't mean I was wrong.
+DOCTOR," [into phone] This is Dr. Martin. We're bringing his Patient over now, thanks."
+House," [shouting] Anybody here a doctor? [looks around, gets no answer] Kidney failure, spiking fEver, breathing difficulties. Any theories?"
+House, Am I in an M. Night Shyamalan movie?
+YOUNG DOCTOR," You're House, right?"
+House," Okay, I assume you know me because I once insulted you, your Patient, or your relatives. If that's so, I apologize. I was drunk that day. [back to work] Patient initially presented with crush injuries."
+YOUNG DOCTOR, [interrupts] I know you because Dr. Cuddy issued a memo.
+House, [hopeful] Telling you to cooperate fully with me?
+YOUNG DOCTOR, Nope.
+House, Figured that was a long shot. [shouts to the room] Anybody here not get that memo?
+YOUNG DOCTOR, Fungal infection.
+House, Don't you have a Patient?
+YOUNG DOCTOR, She shot herself in the leg while high on meth. Wouldn't hurt her to be in pain for a little while.
+House, Fungal infection would be in her eyes by now.
+YOUNG DOCTOR, [guesses] Haemophilus.
+House, Doesn't explain the remitting fEver.
+House," You've heard that I've got a job opening, right?"
+YOUNG DOCTOR, I just care about people. [guesses] Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome.
+House," ARDS doesn't explain anything. Except the breathing. If you care about people, you're not getting the job."
+YOUNG DOCTOR, I was lying. Crush Syndrome.
+House, Doesn't explain the breathing. What was the pRoblem with ARDS?
+YOUNG DOCTOR, Only explained the breathing.
+House, And the Crush Syndrome?
+YOUNG DOCTOR, It didn't explain the breathing.
+House, You a fan of symmetry?
+YOUNG DOCTOR, Sure.
+House," Weird. 'Cause your eyes are lopsided. And by eyes, I mean breasts. ARDS And Crush Syndrome, both reactions to sEvere trauma. Why can't she have both?"
+YOUNG DOCTOR, Because! [somberly] because then there's nothing we could do.
+House," Boy, you remind me of someone."
+House, Send me your r�sum�. I'll put it on top of the pile that I'm! nEver gonna look at.
+BEN PROSNER, I couldn't leave.
+House, You don't seem like the type of person who would give up on giving up.
+BEN PROSNER, [expressionless] I love her.
+House," You love somebody. Somebody who didn't drink, who wanted to have babies. And wasn't miserable."
+BEN PROSNER," I know she lied, but!"
+ BRADBERRY, What are you doing? Why are you saying these things to him?
+House, The Woman you love doesn't exist. This Woman is dying. She has Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome and Crush Syndrome. Her body's basically giving up. We can keep her on supportive dialysis and hope for the best.
+House, NEver mind. She has a lump on her arm.
+BEN PROSNER, [hopeful] Does that mean you're wrong?
+House, That would be good news for you guys. We'll know after the biopsy.
+Cuddy, Which Patient is that?
+IMELDA, [checking the file] Megan!
+Cuddy, House's Patient.
+IMELDA, Yep.
+Cuddy, Didn't you get my memo?
+IMELDA, Sure. Got both memos.
+Cuddy," [under her breath, realizing] Both. [almost rhetorical] And the second memo said to ignore the first memo?"
+IMELDA, Yep. Seemed odd. Did an MRI and!
+Cuddy, [interrupts] 'Course you did.
+Cuddy, What'd you find?
+IMELDA, It's kind of freaky. She's got growths all over the place.
+BEN PROSNER, She's got tumors?
+Cuddy, Not exactly. The growths are eosinophilic granulomas. [hanging up an IV bag] They are usually from allergic reactions. I'm putting her on steroids.
+ BRADBERRY, Allergy to what? She doesn't have allergies.
+Cuddy," We don't know. Unfortunately, the only drug she's had enough of to have this kind of reaction is cephalosporin."
+ BRADBERRY, And why is that unfortunate?
+BEN PROSNER," Because she was on it two months ago. That's what you mean, right? She! took it for strep throat, so she can't be allergic to it."
+Cuddy, It would seem so.
+ BRADBERRY, [mad] What is this hospital doing to her? She has had three separate medical disasters! And now she's dying of an allergy she can't possibly have!
+Wilson," Mr. Lee, I just have to check!"
+Wilson, Sam? Are you okay?
+Wilson, What're you doing here?
+MALE NURSE, I was taking a nap.
+Wilson, Where's my Patient?
+Wilson, You stole my Patient.
+House, You kidnapped my guitar.
+Wilson, Give him back.
+House, Only when you give her back.
+Wilson," It's a ""she""?"
+House," [scoffs] Well, it's certainly not a dude."
+Wilson, [shouting] It's a guitar! You took a huMan being!
+House, Now who doesn't have a sense of humor? I'm monitoring the guy remotely.
+Wilson," What are you, listening for the distant sound of screaming?"
+House, The nurses know to call me.
+Wilson, They don't know who he is!
+House, His name's right there on the chart. Now go away. I'm working.
+Wilson," They give him the wrong meds, who the hell knows what's gonna happen?"
+Wilson, House!
+House, [murmuring] Bad things would happen.
+House," [to Wilson, as he leaves] He's in room three-one-eight."
+ BRADBERRY, [anxiously] What are you! what are you giving Megan?
+House, Megan? Nothing.
+BEN PROSNER, Nothing? What-what-what's going on? What's wrong with her?
+House, Her? Nothing.
+ BRADBERRY, Then why are you giving her drugs?
+House," Just some amphetamines to wake her up. Everything could be explained by her lying to you. The antidepressants, the drinking, the pill. Until now. Now she's allergic to something the chart says she's not allergic to. That's not her lying, that's the chart lying. Which doesn't make sense."
+House, Do you know a Liz Masters?
+ BRADBERRY, No.
+BEN PROSNER," Yeah, she worked with Megan. That was her boyfriend who you met outside the morgue."
+House, Hmm. [holds up the file he brought in] This is her chart. [reading the chart] She's on MAO Inhibitors for depression. She's on the pill. She had an abortion a month ago. And she's allergic to cephalosporin.
+BEN PROSNER," [apprehensive] What's going on here? What, are you saying this isn't Megan?"
+House, Yes.
+FLASHBACK, [Megan's Office. Day. Megan speaks to Ben on her cell phone.]
+Megan Bradberry, [into phone] Ben.
+BEN PROSNER, [from phone] Since when?
+Megan Bradberry, [into phone] Since right before I began pretending I loved it.
+House," She's the same size as Megan, same build, same hair color."
+FLASHBACK, [Camera zooms towards Megan. Camera zooms towards Liz.]
+House, They were both horribly injured. Unrecognizably. EMT teams do not second guess family members' identifications at accident scenes.
+BEN PROSNER, No. Liz died yesterday. This isn't Liz. I know Megan. I know her hair. I know her hands. I know her smell. Oh.
+House, [to the Patient] What's your name?
+LIZ Masters, [hoarsely] Liz!
+ BRADBERRY," [anguished] Oh, God!"
+House," [to Ben, as he leaves] Your girlfriend nEver lied to you."
+House," I did it all by myself, mommy."
+LEON THE JANITOR, You talking to me?
+House, Go away.
+House," [chances it again] I did it all by myself, mommy."
+Cuddy, How'd you know it was me?
+House," There's a scent given off by wounded, feral cats."
+Cuddy, [entering] You were wrong.
+House, I got Everything right. Just treated the wrong!
+Cuddy, [interrupts] They had a good relationship.
+House, He couldn't Even identify her.
+Cuddy, And you were wrong about needing a team. She almost died.
+House, So I almost need a team.
+Cuddy," You were content with your ""people are idiots"" theory. But Cameron would nEver have accepted that this guy knew nothing about the love of his life. And as soon as you claimed it was multiple conditions, Foreman would have done anything to prove you wrong. And then, Chase would have done anything to prove you right. Any one of them would have solved this days ago. Hire a team. I don't care how you do it. Just do it."
+House," Sometimes, I am wrong. I have a gift for observation. For reading people in situations. But sometimes, I am wrong. This will be the longest job interview of your life. I will test you in ways that you will often consider unfair, demeaning and illegal. And you will often be right. Look to your left. Now look to your right. By the end of six weeks, one of you will be gone. As will twenty-eight more of you. [beat, ominously] Wear a cup."
+GRETA," Big Eye this is Cobra zero-six, just entered Indian country, approaParkng wave .4, request confirmation to engage target on first approach."
+BIG EYE," Roger Cobra zero-six, Big Eye waiting for confirmation as well."
+GRETA," If you wait any longer Big Eye, we're not going to have a choice in the matter, I can't exactly do a U-turn here."
+BIG EYE," Roger that, Cobra, hold for confirmation."
+Man," Captain Cooper, are you okay? What happened? You weren't answering."
+GRETA [Angrily], Because the damn com cord got disconnected! You spend a billion dollars on the avionics and don't bother to check the com connection?
+Man," No, I checked that twice before you got in."
+GRETA [Raising her voice]," And the next time you ask us to test a prototype, it'd be nice if your direction gyro didn't spin like a top when I'm supposed to be 500 feet off the floor."
+Man," I'm sorry. I'll go review the simulation, see if I can figure out what went wrong. [Leaves.]"
+House," Who is this Man? [Camera pans out to rEveal the 40 potential fellows staring at House and the screen; they each have a number around their neck, marathon runner style.]"
+House," C'mon, take a shot. I'm not going to fire you Every time you get a wrong answer."
+House, You're fired. [23 is shocked but gets up and leaves without a word.] Does this Man look like he's ceding Czechoslovakia to a fascist dictatorship?
+]," It's Buddy Ebsen, the actor, he's dead. Why are we..."
+]," Buddy Ebsen was the original tin Man in the Wizard of Oz, for a day. He was diagnosed allergic to the aluminium dust in the make-up. His lungs failed, he nearly died, question is, why?"
+], Didn't you just say he was allergic?
+]," You may not have legs, but you've got ears, I suggest you use them. I said he was diagnosed allergic. [To Everyone.] Since we are currently short exactly one interesting Patient, we are going to figure out what really happened to Buddy Ebsen in 1938. Now on one hand he's not getting deader, on the other hand your jobs hang in the balance. So... [Cuddy enters.]"
+Cuddy, House? [They share looks.]
+House, I want sEven alternate diagnoses when I get back. [Goes to talk to Cuddy who is still standing in the doorway.]
+Cuddy, Did you forget how to count to three?
+House," I've got a budget for three, doesn't mean I can only hire three."
+Cuddy, Actually that's exactly what it means.
+House," I cut the perManent salaries by 10 percent, over 3 years that'll more than make up for the breakage on the 27 that I'm going to weed out over the next few weeks."
+Cuddy, There's forty people in there.
+House," Row D, you're fired. [Everyone in Row D starts to leave, House turns back to Cuddy.] I didn't actually count all the resumes."
+Cuddy," This is stupid, you can't Manage that Many people, you're just going to keep weeding them out arbitrarily."
+House," Sure. [as people start filing out between House and Cuddy] and having them sitting in my office schmoozing about their favourite Algerian surfing movies, that's a much better system. Wait a sec. [Stops number 19, a pretty brunette, from leaving.] Were you in Row D?"
+House," My apologies, my boss says I'm being arbitrary and stupid. [Sticks his head back in the lecture theatre.] Row D is not fired, Row C is fired."
+House," See? That was not arbitrary. [House's pager goes off.] Well, I'd love to chat but I've been paged. [Picks up his pager and looks at it.] That's interesting, apparently paged myself. [Leaves.]"
+House," If you have a resum� there I'm not interested, but I wouldn't mind hearing how you got my pager number."
+GRETA," It's not a resum�. [Tips the contents of the envelope onto House's desk. Large stacks of cash fall out.] 50,000 dollars."
+House, Does One-eyed Nicky want me to run that to Jimmy the Nose?
+GRETA, It's for my medical bills. [Sits down.] I need you to find out what's wrong with me.
+House, [Sits down.] Insurance is usually cheaper than that. Cash means there's something to hide.
+GRETA, I'm a captain in the Air Force about to start a new assignment. NASA's astronaut training program.
+House, I discovered salt and created FM radio.
+GRETA," Something is wrong. With my eyes, my ears."
+House," Well if it's fixable the Air Force will do it for free. If not, doesn't matter."
+GRETA," There are 100 applicants ready to take my place who don't need to be fixed. I need to do this off the books. I did the research, you're the best, you break rules, and you don't care about anyone except yourself."
+House," Well let's say that's true. You get a new job, the hospital gets a nice wad of cash, what do I get?"
+GRETA," I crashed a flight simulator, because I started to hear, with my eyes."
+House," [Cuts him off:] Don't care. New Patient. [Turns off the projector and motions for number 6 to move it, which he quickly does.] 30 year old female, with synaesthesia. New rules. [Pulls up the projection screen to rEveal a blackboard that reads 'Tesla was Robbed!'] You generate a lab report ""� You shred it. X-ray - You melt it. No notes, no records, nothing. As far as you're concerned the Patient is Osama Bin Laden and Everyone not in this room is Delta Force. Any questions?"
+House, It's a metaphor. Get used to it. Any more questions?
+House," You think her name might be connected to what's wrong with her? [Walks over to the side door, calls out like Ed McMahon.] Here's Osama! [Opens the door. Greta walks in, House gives her a chair and she sits down.] Now you all have numbers so we're going to do this, alphabetically. 8, 15 and 5. [House starts to pace around.]"
+], Is the synaesthesia new?
+GRETA, Yes.
+GRETA," No, nothing."
+GRETA, No.
+House," What, you think I'd pull you off Buddy Ebsen just for a junkie?"
+ blonde], Can we trust your answers?
+House," You have got to trust someone, right?"
+GRETA," No, not that I'm aware of."
+House," Two down, Kitty Carlisle?"
+]," You spend much time above 20,000 feet?"
+House, Why would you ask that?
+House, That's an unusual choice.
+House," The Patient is a frequent flyer. 13, 32, 39, get Osama an EEG, MRI and an angiogram. [Those three and Greta start to leave.] How Many of you think that Oswald acted alone?"
+], If by alone you mean that he was unaware that the CIA...
+House," Oh shut up. Split yourselves into 2 groups, test her blood, test her stool. [6 and sEveral others leave.] Who likes the designated hitter? [Two female blonde identical twins ""� 15A and 15B ""� put their hand up.] You're wrong, you're lucky you're not fired. 2 more groups, LP and cultures. [Twins and others leave.] Who doesn't know what a designated hitter is? [26, 2 and 10 put up their hand. House starts to write on a piece of paper] Okay, here is her address, I want you to break in, find out what she's hiding. [The three of them start to leave, 26 takes the address on the way out, 2 stops next to House]"
+], Why don't we just ask the Patient for the key?
+House," Well, if we could find out what she's hiding just by asking we'd have to redefine hiding. You want to live in this country, learn the language. [2 leaves.]"
+]," So we spend a half an hour cleaning a car, big deal."
+House, Got a pRoblem with the naked female form?
+House," That's not a dolphin, it's a porpoise. There is a difference you know. [Goes back to looking at the screen] Salary for one thing."
+], Carbon monoxide poisoning.
+ still trying to see Chase], Yeah well which one fits best with the damaged flue that your competitors found in the gas fireplace in Osama's cave.
+House, Did you just see a blond guy with a pretentious accent?
+House," Good point. Can I have my car keys back? [24 looks shocked and a little scared.] Give me the car keys, put the Patient in a hyperbaric chAmber and no more prime numbers for you. [24 gives him the keys.] Thank you. [House walks back into his office.]"
+]," Can I talk to you for a second? [They walk to over to the door.] You're working that thing all the time, is Everything all right? [24 nods.] We're supposed to be watParkng her heart rate and blood pressure."
+GRETA, No I just feel a little funny. [Passes out.]
+ [Smiling], Her heart's beating.
+House," So what does cause synaesthesia, high red blood cell count and heart attack?"
+House," And you didn't stop him. Means either you thought it was a chance worth taking, making you a hypocrite, or you thought he'd fail, making you a cut throat little pixie. What causes..."
+A, Takayasu's syndrome.
+B, Not without a rash and a fEver. It's got to be Whipple's.
+A," No way, you Ever see Whipple's without abdominal pain?"
+House," Stop it! This argument is distracting Every male and lesbian here. You're both right, in the sense that you've convinced me that you're both wrong."
+House, How old are you?
+House," Okay, Scooter. Do a trans-esophageal echo, and since the positive divisors of 26 are 2 and 13 have them assist. The rest of you, go to the cafeteria and document 10 things that could cause infection. Each. [Everyone starts to leave. House takes a sip from his large soda.]"
+Wilson, I wouldn't. Someone named 17 thinks there could be Listeria in the cream cheese.
+House, 17's a stupid number. [Takes a bite.] What's Chase doing here?
+Wilson, You saw Chase?
+House," Last night, outside my office."
+Wilson, That's interesting.
+House, It's more curious than actually...
+Wilson," Chase took a job at the Mayo Clinic in Arizona. A week ago. Interesting... It wasn't Foreman or Cameron you saw, but Chase, the one you fired."
+House, Not interesting. Someone who looked like someone I used to know walked by my office.
+Wilson, It's always interesting when repressed guilt starts un-repressing itself.
+House, The only thing I feel guilty for is this. [Throws what's left of the bread into Wilson's coffee.]
+House, Got that from structurally sound.
+A, What did she say?
+House, I assume you're not all walking with me to tell me that you found nothing.
+ [Still walking backwards in front of House]," It showed a short burst in the atrium... [A guy in the corridor swings a wheelchair around just in time to get right behind 2 and force her to fall into the chair. She quickly gets up and glares at the guy, who quickly leaves. Everyone stops walking.]"
+House," Okay, who's next?"
+ [Moves in front of House]," Showed a short burst of atrial flutter, I ran a rhythm strip twice and got the same results."
+House," Stop. [Moves 13 out of the way with his cane and turns to look at the group.] Okay. Here's how we diagnose in transit. I lead, you draft, I move, you move, I stop, you stop. Got it?"
+House," Wait a sec, why did you do the test? I gave it to Scooter."
+House," It doesn't. It matters that you let her. Okay. 10, 24, 39 run a TRH stimulation test for hyperthyroidism. [Walks off. The numbers follow.]"
+House," Proving her first attack was caused by her thyroid. [Pushes the lift button with his cane.] Which is kind of the point, right? [Elevator dings. House walks in, the numbers start to follow.] Uh ah ah ah ah! [They step back.] I ride alone. [Pushes the button and the lift closes.]"
+GRETA, I'm fine with the way I look.
+GRETA," What are you talking about, why else am I here?"
+GRETA, I'm feeling warm.
+GRETA, You were in my home?
+GRETA," [Starts trying to get out of the bed.] You're going to... You're going to out me, aren't you? You're going to ruin Everything."
+GRETA," [Pulls off the leads and drags the monitor in front of her for protection.] Get away from me. [View starts going multicoloured again.] Get away from me. Don't touch me. [Runs out of the room, 10 and 39 Chase her.]"
+House," Paging me during Judge Judy, not the best way to win my affections."
+House," So you called me, the guy with one good leg and zero lEverage. [Rolls his eyes and starts to walk away.]"
+House," Well luckily, violence is not the last resort. Extortion is. [Motions to 10.] So go ahead, extort her."
+House," ClEver. An appeal to her deep concern for hospital property. Let's see how that works. [Waits, nothing happens.]"
+], Go away! [10 gives up and walks away from the doors and towards the balcony.]
+House, You seem to be getting to her.
+House, You think she wants to die?
+GRETA, You don't know anything.
+House," I do. [House looks across and sees a blonde Cameron leaving the clinic, in slow motion. Meanwhile Greta bursts out of the Chapel. 10 and 39 catch her and she struggles to break free.]"
+GRETA, No!
+House, Anybody think that a sedative might...
+House, Okay. [24 stabs Greta in the arm and she collapses with 39 and 10 holding her up. Just then Cuddy walks up.]
+Cuddy," [To House.] Who's that? [Everyone stares at her.] [To 39, 24 and 10.] Who is she?"
+], Osama Bin Laden.
+Cuddy, Who is she?
+Cuddy, She's stable. Who is she?
+Cuddy, That she is on the run from an international crime syndiCate.
+Cuddy," House may be your boss, but I'm House's boss. You want to work here, I better be okay with it."
+Cuddy," You're a virus, House, now instead of one liability I've got 20."
+House, Apparently only 19. Which number was it?
+Cuddy," From now on Everything you do gets charted. With pen, on paper, in a binder that says ""Princeton Plainsboro TeaParkng Hospital"" on the cover."
+House [Whines], Mom!
+Cuddy," If you want to run something through the labs, I get a copy. If you do scans, I get a copy. If you THINK about doing scans, I get a copy."
+House," You know my current thoughts, right? I don't have to put those on paper. [Leaves.]"
+House," Three issues. One. Number 10, you're fired."
+House," Well, it had to be someone who went to her home. Number 26 is half asleep, missed his afternoon nap. Obviously he doesn't feel guilt. Number 2 is here on a visa, she can't jeopardise..."
+House," And that Parkck's [points to 24] been pointing at you since I walked in. [10 leaves.] Issue two. What causes synaesthesia, high RBC, tachy-arrhythmia, and panic attacks? [Rubs off the blackboard.]"
+House, I also said I wanted answers.
+House, Which brings us to issue three.
+House," To you, I'm saying you're fired. To Everyone else, I'm..."
+House, I hate tattle tales.
+House," Now you tattled twice. Issue three. [Notices 6 still sitting there in shock.] C'mon, let's go. [6 leaves.] Issue three, how do we do tests when we can't do tests?"
+House," If we chart, then we won't get consent. So we can't."
+House," Her dreams depend on her not consenting. So, how do we do tests when we can't do tests? [No-one answers.] You've got an hour. [Leaves.]"
+House, How do you scan a liver without scanning a liver? And what's Cameron doing here?
+Wilson, Interesting. So you're seeing Cameron now?
+House," No. Not interesting because not seeing. Saw. My Patient won't consent to MRIs or ultrasounds, and you've dealt with more liver cancer than anyone else here."
+Wilson," So you want me to share the secret scanning techniques I learned in Nepal? Unfortunately, the monks made me swear a blood oath. Where was she?"
+House, In the lobby. I guess we could palpate the area around the liver.
+Wilson," Which won't work unless the tumour's enormous, which you KNOW, which means you're here because these visions are freaking you out."
+House," She had blonde hair, why would I hallucinate that?"
+Wilson," Yes. Yes, why are you merging Cameron and Chase? We should find out before the next time you see her when she'll be black."
+House," Mm-hmm, because, of course it's scientifically impossible for a person to go back and visit somewhere they worked."
+Wilson," No. But since she's not a dead cat, it is scientifically impossible for her to be in two places at once."
+House, Physics joke. Don't hear enough of those.
+Wilson," She just called me from Arizona. [Dials a number and turns the phone around so House can see the number.] Notice the area code ""� 480. They put an offer on a place in Scottsdale. [The phone is ringing.] Do you want to talk or should I? I guess we could both talk. Although they're engaged and if you're staying in touch, you might want to buy them... [House hangs up the phone with his cane.] Maybe it's not repressed guilt, Maybe it's just panic. Right now you've got enough fellows to build a rail road. But you're going to have to narrow that room full of numbers down to three people."
+House, Any chance you could turn this creative brilliance towards my Patient's liver? [House pops a pill.]
+Wilson," I think you're going to choose people for reasons that have nothing to do with their skills. I think you're going to choose people just because you can't stand them. Because if you like them, well, that's just, stressful."
+House, Stress... I like it. [Leaves.]
+House, We need to stress the Patient's liver.
+B, You mean make her sick?
+House," I mean make her sick in a specific way. If her liver's given to malfunctioning, we make it malfunction."
+B," Are we on the other side of wrong here? Don't we have an ethics board that we should consult or... [House notices 6 sitting behind 15B, only now he has turned his number upside down so it's a 9.]"
+House, I fired you.
+House, I approve of your shamelessness. You're still fired. [6/9 starts to leave.] So how do we stress her liver?
+B," Lying and paperwork I get, shutting down organs I think..."
+House, Nice. But Vitamin D's metabolised by the liver and kidneys. It wouldn't tell us which one's screwed up.
+House," I like you, number 9. [6/9 smiles, 24 is shocked.]"
+House, You a Mormon? You're wearing a ring from Brigham Young. Or did your folks just do the lawns?
+House," Don't care. Actually I'm thanking God. You're the only non-drinker we've got. We need a control group to establish whether the liver's deterioration is within normal range. Got a big drinker, medium drinker, now I got a no-drinker."
+House," [Stops what he is doing, half smiles and leans back.] You really think the guy who created heaven and earth cares what you put in your digestive tract?"
+House," Why not? Her dream might come true. [18 starts to leave.] All life is sacred, right?"
+House," Well that fake test, might really save her life. Would you pull an ass out of a pit on the Sabbath? [Gets up and walks over to him.] Would you or would you not pull an ass out of a pit on the Sabbath?"
+House, Good. [Goes back to his seat. 18 leaves.]
+GRETA, Why'd you have to pick tequila? I assume a single malt would have worked just as well.
+House, Okay. [Pushes a stop watch.] Two minutes and we go round number 5. [Pours 4 more shots.] So tell me about the magic underwear.
+House," I'm the big drinker, doing my part for science. The interesting question is why your religious beliefs are suddenly less important than her dreams."
+House, I know what I beliEve. I'm just not quite sure what you beliEve.
+House, But your judgment was to say no. You used my judgment.
+House, Rational arguments don't usually work on religious people. Otherwise there would be no religious people.
+House," Only on Christmas and Easter. The rest of the time, it doesn't really matter."
+House, It's not about fun! It's about the truth.
+GRETA, [Shakes her head.] No.
+GRETA [breathless], NASA will need to know why.
+Cuddy, I checked the tests you ordered.
+House, Did you just see Foreman?
+Cuddy, You measured the density of her teeth.
+House, [Still trying to look past Cuddy.] It's a shortcut test for hypercalcaemia. You had to have just passed him.
+Cuddy, So you suspected hypercalcaemia from her complete lack of broken bones. Is that why you also ran three tox screens?
+House," [Still distracted.] Patient might've been sneaking uppers. He was in a white coat, did you hire him back?"
+Cuddy," Foreman is running the diagnostic department at New York Mercy. [House looks surprised and confused, Cuddy leans in and sniffs.] Have you been drinking?"
+House, So you put her on a treadmill.
+House, Whose idea was that?
+House, It nEver is. So how old were you when your brother left home?
+House, Why aren't you answering? Did your mother initiate the divorce? [Takes the stethoscope off 13]
+House, Are you a Wiccan?
+House," [Sits down in front of Greta.] Okay, hold still. [While using the stethoscope to listen to her lungs he starts gently tapping her chest.]"
+House," Auscultatory percussion. If you have a good ear, you can... [Listens.] [To 13.] You didn't have a lot of friends because you chose..."
+House," [Listens again.] You can detect not only structural details, but small, deep masses. [Flicks Greta's chest a few times then takes off the stethoscope.] Game's over. You either have lung cancer or tuberous sclerosis. We need to cut you open and biopsy... [Greta starts shaking her head.]"
+GRETA," [Still struggling to breathe.] That'll... Leave a scar... NASA doctors will see, they'll, they'll know."
+House, I nEver opened for Springsteen or slept with Barbara Feldon. You can live for years without dreams. Without lungs...
+GRETA, Find a way.
+House," Okay. As long you keep saying it strongly, you won't die. [Goes to get up, Greta stops him.]"
+GRETA, Find... A way.
+House, How do we force a Patient into surgery? Texas bag scam? Saratoga wire? Paris exposition trip?
+House," [Smiles.] It's a myth that fake hooters blow up at high altitude, she'll be fine. Just think of it as one giant rack for Mankind."
+GRETA, I fought for years to be taken seriously.
+GRETA," This'll make me a joke, there's got to be another way."
+Cuddy, You bumped a splenectomy for a boob job?
+House, Would you condemn this Woman to a life where people look at her face when they talk to her?
+Cuddy," You don't explain this, I'll cancel the surgery."
+House, Can I explain why you're here?
+Cuddy, Think I just told you why I...
+House," I scheduled a diagnostic Patient for a boob job, which is ridiculous. So obviously you had to confront me."
+Cuddy, With you so far.
+House, But I'm going to give you a reason.
+Cuddy, Not a good one.
+House," No. Not Even close to a good one. But here's the drag from your point of view. My explanation will make sense. Not to the board, not to a Judge, but to you. So you'll let me do it. Then you're going to have to sit next to me at the administrative hearing. Don't you have better things to do? [Cuddy thinks for a minute then starts to leave but hesitates and turns back.] It's in the best interests of the Patient. [Cuddy leaves.]"
+House, [Sticks something into Greta.] Deflate the lung.
+House," PRobably the same if not more on the left lung. Okay, so what's been working overtime to kill Miss Bin Laden?"
+House," Yeah, but I forgot it. Say the magic word and get immunity from the next challenge."
+House, She would've had multiple seizures by now.
+House," Wouldn't explain the red blood cells. C'mon. Cysts, synaesthesia, heart attack. You guys have gotten..."
+Chase," Von Hippel-Lindau syndrome. [House looks for where that voice came from and sees Chase in the observation room.] Raises red blood cell count, causes masses on the organs. One of the masses is a pheochromocytoma. It'd cause neurologic episodes and a heart attack."
+House," [Leans over to 39 and says quietly.] Do you see a blond guy who still has peach fuzz standing up there? [39 nods.] [To Chase.] This is a closed procedure, gallery's off limits."
+Chase, Not to the surgical staff.
+House," Not a chance. I love you guys. Dig out the cysts, histology to confirm Von Hippel-Lindau. Don't forget her chesticles. [Looks back up but Chase has gone.]"
+House," Calling Arizona, that was a very nice touch."
+Wilson, You do have residual...
+House," Not only do I not have residual feelings, I didn't Even have primary feelings."
+Wilson, You freaked...
+House, You lied!
+Wilson, Because you knew it meant...
+House, It meant nothing! I saw him because he was there. [Wilson gives up.] Did Cameron follow her beshert to the surgery department?
+Wilson," I think Chase followed her. She's been a senior attending in the E.R. the last three weeks. A blonde senior attending, to be accurate."
+House, Foreman. Is he back in neurology?
+Wilson," He's at New York Mercy, he's been there a month. [House looks surprised.] Did you SEE Foreman?"
+House, No. [Leaves.]
+GRETA," So, I'm cured."
+GRETA, You said you got all the cysts.
+GRETA, I'll go to radiology clinics. I'll get regular screenings.
+House, Relax. She doesn't have to tell and neither do you. Turns out that NASA doctors Even know where the hyphen in Von Hippel-Lindau goes.
+GRETA, You called them?
+House," I'm not an idiot. Those shuttles fly over New Jersey. [House leaves, Greta starts to cry.]"
+House," So here we are. The big moment. Which of you gets to live to be abused another day. And which of you goes home and rationalises being fired as character building? [Pops a pill.] Following numbers, thanks for playing. 21, 19, 8, 34, 17, 29, 5, 36, 2... Rest of you, 8:00 A.M. Sharp. I'll be in sometime between 10:00 and 3:00. [Everyone starts to leave.] But 26, stick around awhile. [2 walks over to House.]"
+House, Lots of people did nothing wrong.
+House, Other people took chances. 26. [Waves him over. 2 leaves.]
+House," Yeah, I know. How old are you?"
+House, You don't think it's relevant?
+House, How about the fact that you nEver went to medical school? Which is why you let the unlucky number do the trans echo. At least you're ethically unethical.
+House, You had to know I'd find out sooner or later.
+House," I can't hire you as a doctor. But you can still tell me what you think. You can also fetch me coffee, pick up my dry-cleaning, until I can decide whether or not to keep you."
+House, Assistant sounds marginally less demeaning.
+House, Actually it is. It's just not your dream title. [House leaves.]
+Cameron," [Holds up 3 fingers.] Three weeks. For someone who nEver misses something small, you missed something big."
+House, You're an idiot.
+Cameron," The hair, where I'm working, or both?"
+House, The hair makes you look like a hooker. I like it. Pulling pieces of windshield out of car accident victims and reattaParkng fingertips sliced off cutting bagels. At least Chase's move is only one step down.
+Cameron, I can do good here. Get it out of my system. Why'd you rat your Patient out to NASA?
+House," I don't know who's been gossiping about ethics instead of sex, but I hope they've already been fired. Which number was it?"
+Cameron, Greta.
+House, Number!
+Cameron, No number. The Patient. How do you think she got your pager number? She came into the E.R. didn't want to talk...
+House, I didn't rat her out.
+Cameron, You--lied?
+House, Suppose I should tell her that before she keys my car.
+Cameron, Why lie?
+House, Had to stop some leaky faucets.
+Cameron, What did it matter?
+House, It was no one's business.
+Cameron, Right.
+House, She's going to be the safest astronaut up there. Certainly more vigilant than the guy next to her who's got no clue about the aneurysm in his head ready to pop.
+Cameron, Right. [Smiles and starts to walk away.]
+House, You got a better reason?
+Cameron, You couldn't kill her dream. [Leaves.]
+STARK, It's... cold.
+STARK, Good. Thank you.
+STARK, There's a new girl at the ice-cream store. She doesn't seem too fond of buttoning her top button. Let's go check her out.
+COLE, What are we supposed to be doing? It's almost four.
+Kutner, Tchah! You got someplace to be?
+B, We know he likes to Manipulate people. He's pRobably testing us.
+Amber, To find out what? How long we can look stupid for?
+Amber, He said he'd be here by three; he's obviously not coming.
+Amber, I'm going home.
+COLE, Nobody follow her. She Pied-Piper'ed nine people right out of a job last week.
+House, Would you mind holding my metaphor for a second?
+House," New Patient. Thirty-sEven-year-old male, suffers from sEvere ascending muscle weakness."
+COLE, (challengingly) Why are you late?
+House, To see who'd put up with it.
+COLE," So, you mean if we'd left, we'd have been fired?"
+House," No, I was going to fire Everyone who stuck around. But since Everyone stuck around...."
+House," Twenty-eight percent curvature of the spine has caused reduced lung capacity, and he has reduced bone mineral density."
+Thirteen, Patient has Spinal Muscular Atrophy. It's genetic. Incurable. This is not a diagnostic mystery.
+House, You have just given state secrets to the enemy.
+Thirteen, (curiously suspicious) What enemy?
+House, (brisk) New Patient. New rules.
+House, Today you're going to split yourselves into two teams.
+House, The first to figure out what's threatening to deprive the Patient of the twenty or so miserable years he's got left with SMA gets to keep their jobs. (beat) Take off your numbers. You look stupid.
+House, And I think I know who you are by now.
+Kutner, Wait. How do you want us to split up?
+House," Good question, Overly Excited Former Foster Kid. There's ten of you. I was thinking... six against six? No, wait..."
+B, How about Women versus Men?
+House," Excellent suggestion, Fat Twin. More interesting than Evens versus Odds, less interesting than Shirts against Skins."
+House," (announcing) If your sex organs dangle, you're the Confederates. If your sex organs are aesthetically pleasing, you're the Yanks."
+Amber, Dr. House?
+Amber, I'd like to be on the men's team.
+House," Do your sex organs dangle, (beat) Cutthroat Bitch?"
+Amber, Not yet.
+Amber, You've nEver hired more than one female on your team before.
+Amber," If you're going to purge an entire gender, it isn't going to be the danglers."
+House," Sounds logical. (beat) If you don't think about it for more than three seconds. But I just told you that if the danglers lose, they're out."
+House," So, I can only assume you're hiding the real reason."
+House," You don't think the women will be aggressive enough, will be good enough at science. They'll be too emotional."
+Amber, (imPatient) Can I switch teams?
+House," (shrugging) If the danglers are okay, I'm okay."
+DOBSON, We're not okay.
+Amber, I get it. You don't like me because maybe I'm a little bit... competitive.
+Taub, Manipulative.
+Kutner, Cutthroat Bitch is your official title.
+Amber," It's a game. You can either play for fun or play to win. If you want to win, you want cutthroat."
+COLE," No, thank you."
+Thirteen, First thing we have to do is get inside his head.
+JODY, It's not psychological.
+Thirteen," Not talking about the Patient. Talking about House. He's insane, but he's not irresponsible. He wouldn't be playing this game if he didn't already know the answer."
+ House,'S CONFERENCE ROOM
+Kutner, First thing we do is gang-bang the sucker. There's five of us. We can run dozens of tests. We don't need a theory; we just need brute force.
+B," What about the assist dog? Picks bacteria-infested things up with its bacteria-infested mouth, hands them over to the guy and..."
+JODY, It's not the dog. Wouldn't be fair.
+A, To who?
+JODY, Whom. (beat) The men.
+JODY," House knows I used to be a vet. If the dog's the answer, they'd be at a handicap."
+COLE, What about the dog? Assist dogs put Everything in their mouths...
+COLE," ...money, doorknobs...."
+BRENNAN, Great.
+COLE, That's not what I said. Why'd you think of low sodium?
+BRENNAN, I don't.
+Kutner," Patient took a trip to Thailand two weeks ago. (whispering) Hey, write bigger and angle the board more so they can see it."
+COLE, This is wrong.
+BRENNAN," It's only wrong if they cheat off us, and if they cheat off us, they're wrong."
+DOBSON, They're not cheating. One of them is moving....
+Cameron, (in passing) Hey! Stop playing with your sutures or I'll have to redo them.
+Amber, Why do you guys keep a 'D' cell battery in a urine specimen cup?
+Cameron, Because we pulled it from a Patient's intestine.
+Amber, Why would somebody swallow a battery?
+Cameron, (smirking) Why do you assume it was swallowed? (turns to a passing nurse) Bed 5 needs a bag of Ringer's Lactate.
+Amber, Would have been worse if he'd used a 9-volt.
+Cameron, (smiling larger) Who said it was a 'he'?
+Amber, False assumptions. You're good. You're trying to get me to think like him.
+Cameron," And you're trying to kiss my ass. (stops, whirls, and confronts Amber) Why are you talking to me?"
+Amber," (earnestly, seriously) Because House is turning Patient care into a game. It's dangerous. The Patient's going to suffer - maybe die."
+House, Wow! You really need a shave.
+House, You see what I did there.
+House, Whoa.
+House, Interesting.
+House, Need a crash cart in here!
+House, (holding up his hands) I didn't do it.
+Thirteen," When a person faints, it's because they're not getting enough blood to their brain. The act of falling corrects the pRoblem. You faint again strapped into that power chair where you can't fall, you might not wake up."
+STARK, Killed by an assistive device. At least my death would be ironic.
+Thirteen, I think when you went to Thailand you picked up a threadworm called Strongyloides. They usually go up through your feet.
+STARK, I didn't do a lot of walking on the beach.
+Thirteen," But I assume you did have someone lay you down in the sand. Bare back, bare legs - increases exposure tenfold over bare feet."
+Thirteen, Two pills. You'll be all better.
+STARK," Can I have some water for those, please?"
+Thirteen, Hey! Take a number.
+Kutner, House didn't say anything about taking turns. What's she testing you for?
+Thirteen, Don't. (turns back to Stark) They'll spend all day obsessing over my idea instead of coming up with one of their own.
+Thirteen," But hey, I might be wrong."
+Kutner," Seriously. I'm worried that if we don't know what she's given you, there could be conflicts."
+STARK," No, you're not. House told me. He's keeping track of all that. Ten doctors. I should be getting ten cures."
+Kutner," We need blood, hair, and stool. You poop, and then you use the wooden sticks to collect the fecal matter and you rub it on the green box."
+STARK," Why don't you hand it to my dog? Only one of us thinks I can do it on my own, and the last couple of days, I haven't Even been doing that."
+STARK, Ow!
+BRENNAN, Is it all right with you if we carry you into the bathroom?
+STARK," If you want me there, that's the way you're going to have to do it."
+BRENNAN, Ready?
+STARK, Mmm-hmm.
+BRENNAN," One, two, three."
+STARK, Can I get a little head support please?
+STARK, Thank you.
+Cuddy, Why are you here?
+House, My offices are being used by my teams.
+Cuddy, Teams?
+House, Which means this is the only place where you can yell at me.
+Cuddy, You have team-s?
+House, Two of them. I wanted to deal with the yelling today because I noticed what you were wearing and I wouldn't have to listen all that closely.
+Cuddy, You can't make a competition out of Patient care.
+House," (reasonably) Without competition, we'd still be single-celled organisms. (beat) Can I go now?"
+Cuddy, (holds up a finger) Not until after the yelling. (points the finger at House) What's wrong with him?
+House," I have sEven of the finest minds on it, along with three very special..."
+Cuddy, You wouldn't be doing this unless you already knew.
+House, Ah. I tell you; you tell them; game's over.
+Cuddy," If you know, you are OBLIGATED to treat..."
+House," Well, then, in that case... I don't know."
+House, Why would a guy voluntarily shove a metal object into an electrical socket?
+Cuddy, (leaning closer) I'm getting closer and closer to knowing the answer.(beat) What would happen if I shut down this game?
+House," I'd fire them all, hire forty new fellowship applicants, start the game all over again."
+Cuddy," You DO know what's wrong with him, right?"
+House," It'd be pretty irresponsible if I didn't, wouldn't it?"
+FEMALE FELLOW, Antibiotics aren't working.
+HANDSOME FELLOW," Legionella could explain the lungs, the fEver."
+LATINO FELLOW," If she had Legionella, she'd have low sodium."
+Foreman, What can you tell me about HER?
+FEMALE FELLOW, She likes bodysurfing.
+HANDSOME FELLOW, Maybe picked up a virus swimming off Johns Beach.
+FEMALE FELLOW, But she doesn't Even have the energy to finish her crossword any more.
+LATINO FELLOW, Her boyfriend said...
+Foreman, That's it!
+HANDSOME FELLOW, What is?
+Foreman, Blurry vision!
+LATINO FELLOW, How do you get blurry vision from not being...
+Foreman," (turning to his team) You don't stop a daily ritual that cures boredom because you're bored. She stopped doing her crossword puzzle because she's having a hard time reading it. What causes fEver, boggy lungs, and blurry vision?"
+HANDSOME FELLOW," (looks around eagerly as he explains) Fungal. Aspergillus would explain the pneumonia, which explains the fEver."
+Foreman, (pleased) Start her on amphotericin.
+Foreman," Hey, guys! Great job."
+House," (musing) If you're going to try to take yourself out, (closes the knife) why choose electricity? You'd eat a bullet (flick) or jump off a building..."
+Wilson," (obviously uncomfortable) I love the 'team' thing, by the way."
+House, (refusing to be distracted) ...bury yourself alive in Cuddy's cleavage.
+Wilson, Teamwork. Collaboration. All for the greater good....
+House," It could have been a suicidal gesture, as opposed to an actual attempt."
+Wilson," Interestingly, the rain in Spain doesn't actually fall in the plain all that much."
+House, Who puts their internal organs on a skillet just to get attention?
+Wilson, (frustrated) Go ask him.
+House," (to the empty air) Well, that would be cheating."
+Amber, (briskly) Got a diagnosis yet?
+Taub, (shortly) Get out of here.
+Amber, (sarcastically) Got a stool sample yet?
+COLE, How could you know?
+Amber," Oh, I talked to a nurse. Pretty brilliant, hunh? (beat) I give you a move House will love, straight from one of his former fellows, and you let me join your team."
+Kutner, (pulling something out of a maParkne) You're too late. We already have our diagnosis.
+COLE, (looking up from his microscope) He's lying because he wants you to go away. (beat) So do I.
+BRENNAN," How do we know you're not a double agent? Find out what we're thinking, then go back to the women?"
+Amber," Because I don't care what you're thinking. You want to know why I want to be on your team? Because you're idiots. If I can get the women out of the competition, I'm in. (beat) And so are two of you."
+Taub, So. What's the big move?
+Amber, It's called xenodiagnosis.
+Amber," We let these bugs bite you, and then we test their feces for parasites."
+STARK, Why can't you test my feces?
+Taub, Because you've been chugging milk of magnesia for the past hour. You got a lot going in and nothing coming out.
+Amber," Testing the bugs' feces is actually more accurate than testing yours. Smaller haystack, easier to find the needle."
+Taub, Get the bugs off. (louder) Get the bugs OFF him!
+Amber, The test isn't done.
+Taub, He's choking.
+House," Patchy infiltrates on the x-ray. Patient improved with chest PT and oxygen, consistent with aspiration."
+House, So now we have another symptom to explain - why does his throat think his lungs are his stomach?
+House, And why are your throats closing up?
+Amber, Shouldn't we be in separate rooms?
+House," If you think I'm going to run two differentials at this time of the morning.... Grumpy, you're first."
+BRENNAN, I'm not grumpy.
+House, Why would I call you that if you weren't?
+BRENNAN," It's an unusual combination. Unusual equals exotic, equals foreign. Has to be connected to his trip to Thailand."
+House, You practice medicine overseas?
+BRENNAN, I was with Doctors without Borders for eight years.
+House, (expansively) Ta-da!
+BRENNAN, It's in my file.
+House," David Blaine hides the six of hearts in a beer bottle, it's still impressive."
+House, (challenging) You like exotic. Why are you here?
+BRENNAN, I want this job.
+House, Parents sick?
+BRENNAN, No. I... I just...
+House, (interrupts) This is not the job you want. This is the job in the ZIP code you want. You engaged?
+BRENNAN, Yes.
+House," (expansively, but softer) Ta-da!"
+BRENNAN, Am I not allowed to grow up and change my priorities?
+House, You're allowed to. People usually don't.
+Thirteen, This is not a new symptom. Our Patient has Spinal Muscular Atrophy. He has documented trouble swallowing. The choking is not new.
+House," So if it's nothing new, what caused the old?"
+Thirteen, Strongyloides worms explain the fainting. We already treated...
+House," (abruptly) So, he's all better, Woman Who... (shrugs) Thirteen."
+Thirteen, Hasn't gotten any worse.
+House, (searParkng) That's a pretty passive approach for the daughter of an alcoholic.
+Thirteen, Wrong again.
+A," We could stress his system. Put him on a tilt table. If he stays conscious, it means we made the right diagnosis and we win."
+House, Then why haven't you?
+House, Six against four. One of the men is going to have to join the women's team.
+House," On the other hand, one of the men isn't an actual doctor, so... I guess it's pretty fair."
+House," Men, you're in the penalty box."
+Taub, Who's not the doctor?
+House, I'm glad you asked about that.
+House, Reason I'm penalizing you is time Management.
+House," In Diagnostics, you're always working against the clock. The women came up with a theory and they treated the Patient. You guys just sat around in a lab, hoping a series of blind tests would GIVE you a theory. You wasted the Patient's time. (takes another sip of coffee) Now I'm going to waste yours."
+HANDSOME FELLOW, Her gums are turning yellow.
+LATINO FELLOW," WhatEver it is, it's in her liver now."
+FEMALE FELLOW, Fungal fit perfectly.
+Foreman, We were wrong.
+Foreman, And we're going to keep being wrong until we're right.
+LATINO FELLOW, Or until she dies.
+Foreman," Yeah, that was very helpful. (grumbles as he writes) Need a team to tell me we're mortals. (turns back to his team) Look, I'm sorry. You're right. Doesn't hurt to be reminded that we're dealing with the real stakes here. (looks at the board) Liver failure's a bad thing, but it's also a clue. (gently questioning) What does it tell us?"
+House, Can't let you leave if they think you're still... suicidal.
+House," (quietly sarcastic) No, that's right. You were just trying to kill the wall. (pause) I check this box, and your next roommates are gonna be Jesus and Crazy McLoonyBin. That guy nEver had a chance."
+House, Suddenly you're shy? (moves to Almore's side) You pooped your pants in front of me. (beat) It's one of the nasty side effects of dying.
+House, (taking a deep breath) Okay. Here's what happened. Your oxygen-deprived brain was shutting down. A flood of endorphins and serotonin was released. That's what gave you the visions.
+House, (flip) Nope.
+Taub, Who the hell isn't a doctor?
+COLE, House said we can't talk.
+Taub, He meant we can't talk about the case.
+DOBSON, House is just jerking us around. That's what he does.
+Taub, You're not curious? There's only one reason you wouldn't be curious.
+Amber," (imPatiently) We should talk about the case. (beat) He's punishing us for wasting time, maybe we shouldn't be wasting this time."
+BRENNAN, Close that door. You're going to get us all fired.
+Amber, We need to find a link between fainting and trouble swallowing.
+Taub, We need to know if it's dysphagia or full-blown achalasia.
+DOBSON, Paraganglioma.
+Taub, How would a neoplastic growth in his abdomen...
+DOBSON," Not his abdomen. In his neck. A carotid body tumor causes trouble swallowing. Food presses against the vagus nerve, and causes the fainting."
+COLE," So, if this guy has CANCER, we get to keep our jobs? And if he's healthy, we're fired."
+Amber, We need the CT to prove it.
+BRENNAN, And we need the women not to figure it out while we're sitting here.
+Kutner, And does House's computer have a built-in microphone?
+Wilson, There is a potential toxicity with the experimental treatment....
+Amber, I was nEver here.
+JODY, Blood pressure is remaining stable through 60 degrees.
+Thirteen," No pauses on his EKG, no nausea. The treatment worked."
+Amber, I need our Patient.
+Thirteen," Syncope's cured, Amber. It's over."
+Amber, You obviously haven't stressed his system hard enough.
+JODY," You crank that thing high enough, anyone will pass out."
+STARK, (laughing) This is incredible! This is the most I've moved in twenty years!
+Thirteen," The tilt table test showed that the Patient's EKG, BP, and pulse were made normal, despite considerable..."
+House," Who are you, Thirteen?"
+Thirteen, My name's in the file.
+House, The fact that you won't answer my questions tells me more about you than answers could.
+Thirteen," No, it doesn't. We turned the thing up to 95 degrees..."
+House, Do you think that non-answers tell me anything?
+Thirteen, Sure. Just not as much as actual answers. That's why they are called answers.
+House, Tell me you're hiding something.
+Thirteen, Tells you I'm hiding Everything.
+House," Tells me you've got something worth hiding. Some Turkish prison, gay porn... ya killed a Man just because he was asking too Many questions."
+Thirteen, Can I finish reporting on the Patient?
+House, No need. See you in an hour or so. Got to... set some stuff up.
+House," Thank you all for coming... to Tribal Council. (to Cole) Man of your integrity, I feel I can trust... Big Love. And I don't call you that because you are a Mormon. (winks broadly as Cole grimaces) So, where's your team's sixth Man?"
+COLE, She went rogue. Broke the rules.
+House, You also sinned. You have no right to cast the first stone.
+COLE, And atheists have no right to quote Scripture.
+House, The rules said 'no talking'.
+COLE, I told her not to talk.
+House, Out loud.
+Taub, We were trying to save a Man's life.
+House, Key word being 'trying'. Tilt table test confirmed that you guys were wrong. You're fired.
+House," Ah, the Prodigal Son returneth. You're also fired."
+Amber," We thought there was a tumor on the Patient's esophagus. We were right about the area, wrong about the diagnosis. (trades House film for stick) Turns out the esophagus is just straightening. It's scleroderma. It explains the syncope and the choking. He needs steroids."
+Thirteen, You did a CT scan?
+Amber, Obviously.
+Thirteen, After you were already proven wrong?
+House," Good for you. It's too bad you're wrong. Straightening indiCates weakening, not hardening. SMA explains the weakening. (takes back his stick, give Amber back the film) Strongyloides infection explains Everything else. (indiCates the rest of the women) You ladies have the honor to give the Patient a feeding tube, discharge him, and show up for work tomorrow. The rest of you... you're a disappointment. You make me want to stop dangling."
+DOBSON, It was the best two weeks of my life.
+House," I think I will miss you most of all, Ridiculously Old Fraud."
+Amber, Do you think House could be wrong?
+Chase, I thought he fired you.
+Amber," No, he fired the men."
+Chase, I don't think he's wrong.
+Amber," If he is, how would I prove it?"
+Chase, Just said I don't think he is.
+Amber," Well, thinking isn't good enough."
+Chase, You'd have to run a blood test for anti-centromere antibodies.
+Amber, Would you mind running the labs?
+Chase, You can't.
+Amber," Well, I can, but..."
+Chase," (faces her) No, I was making a statement. You've been fired, so you no longer have lab privileges. You weren't coming here for advice, you coming here to con a favor to save your job. Sorry. I'm not working for him any more, but he can still make my life miserable."
+Amber, You have a chance to make his life miserable.
+Chase, I'm insulted. You conned Cameron by appealing to her huManity.
+Amber, I told her what she wanted to hear.
+Chase, And you told me what you thought I wanted to hear.
+Amber," If it's any consolation, I think your motives are more interesting."
+Chase, I cannot beliEve he fired you. Go draw his blood. Meet you in the lab when I'm done here.
+STARK, Guess you didn't find your tumor?
+Amber, The other doctors tell you that you were fine?
+STARK," Yeah. In the sense that it's just my disease getting worse. (pause) You come to terms with this disease. You know it's there. You know it's waiting. And Every now and again, it takes something away."
+STARK, Took my walking. Took my modesty. Now it's taking one of my last pleasures.
+Amber," There's an outside shot that something OTHER than the SMA is causing your eating pRoblems. And if it is, we can fix it. Remove that tube."
+STARK, That my blood? It's green. What does that mean?
+Amber, (triumphant) It means I'm not fired.
+House," Is he a Vulcan? If no, what makes Nimoy bleed green?"
+Kutner, Are we officially unfired?
+B, How do we know she didn't fake the green blood?
+House," Because that would be stupid. And while she may be Manipulative, borderline evil, shallow..."
+Amber, They get it. I'm not stupid.
+Taub, What contrast did you use for the CT?
+Amber, ICM.
+Taub," His kidneys aren't working. They didn't filter the contrast, which in ICM, is green."
+House, Ten points. (puts his cane on the desk and goes to the board) 'k... let's add kidney failure to our list of symptoms.
+Kutner, What are these points? Is that how you're deciding who to fire?
+House," (irritated, turns to Kutner) I'm going to fire the next person who asks me who I'm going to fire."
+Kutner, Now we're on the points system? What happened to Men against Women?
+House, Forget the game.
+Kutner, What do you mean forget the game?
+House," (losing patience) I mean, forget the damn game! Guy's kidneys are failing. We need to diagnose exactly..."
+DOBSON, I thought we were diagnosing.
+House," YOU were diagnosing. Now I am too. (beat) I thought that Thirteen was right about the Strongyloides. (picks up his cane) I was obviously wrong. (the moment of self-recrimination over, House continues in his 'differential' voice) Okay, kidney failure, aspiration, fainting... go!"
+Thirteen, Kidney failure could be the result of a Gram-negative bacteria. Our Patient wears a catheter full-time. It virtually guarantees bacterial infection.
+B, Which could have migrated up to his kidneys.
+A," Infection stresses his already weakened system, makes his SMA worse, that explains the choking and fainting."
+House, Put him on IV Ampigen.
+Amber, Our team's scleroderma diagnosis still holds. The test could have been negative because the blood was contaminated with contrast.
+House, Do a skin biopsy. Get a side of lymph node to confirm.
+House, I could have you fired!
+Chase, (confused) You've already had me fired.
+House, Which proves that I can.
+Chase, (turns to face House) Were the men wrong?
+House, No. That doesn't change the fact...
+Chase, Why are you yelling at me?
+House, Because performing tests for someone who is not a doctor in this hospital...
+Chase," You're frustrated. If you want help, I'm here. If you just need to vent... leave a message."
+Cameron, I like him better like this. (channeling smug) You?
+Thirteen, Patient dEveloped pneumonia. His lungs are filling fast. We started him on antibiotics. Nothing. We were wrong.
+House, (to Brennan) And you're here to say?
+BRENNAN, We were wrong too. He doesn't have scleroderma. Biopsy rEvealed no fibrotic changes.
+House, Cervical lymph node has black flecks.
+BRENNAN, Small areas of necrosis. It's nothing.
+House, You say nothing? I say cancer.
+SCHAFFER, It's a bit of a stretch to jump right to cancer.
+Foreman," I'm not jumping. Broad specs haven't worked, so it's not bacterial. Failing liver despite treatment suggests it's not fungal. And her high lactic acidosis points towards anaplastic large cell lymphoma."
+SCHAFFER, Also suggests infection. Which is a lot easier and safer to treat. (she goes behind her desk and sits down)
+Foreman, Large cell lymphoma's incredibly aggressive. She'll be dead in a week if we follow the textbooks.
+SCHAFFER," Unless it's infection, in which case you radiate her and she'll be dead in a day. And I know you've had some experience with that. (pause) I've seen doctors do this before. Go back to the scene of the crime - if you're right this time, you purge yourself of past ghosts."
+Foreman, I know it's contrary to protocol. But I think it's more like...
+SCHAFFER, Ghosts are there for a reason. So you don't make the same mistake twice. Switch her over to third-generation cephalosporin.
+Cuddy, You want to remove his EYE?
+House, (suspiciously) Who told you?
+Cuddy, You booked the OR.
+House, (nods) Good.
+Cuddy, You can't beat me in a foot race.
+House, Thought we were dancing.
+House, Cervical lymph node is a garbage dump. A very small one. Just one truck comes in and it only comes from one home. Al Gore would be appalled. The home...
+Cuddy, The home is the right eye. I get it. Do a biopsy.
+House, On my way.
+Cuddy, You're not DOING a biopsy. You ordered an orbital exenteration.
+House," Right. Because I don't want to remove a little tiny piece, sit in a lab, and confirm what I already know, while my Patient drowns in his own fluid. (beat) But if you want me to, I absolutely will."
+Cuddy, How advanced is the pneumonia?
+House," It's taking college courses. (yelling) Hey, Wilson! I'm going to cut some cripple's eye out! Want to come watch?"
+Wilson, Good times.
+House, We good to go?
+STARK, I thought melanoma was skin cancer.
+Wilson," Technically, it's cancer of the pigment cells, the same cells that give your iris its color."
+STARK, Cancer. Why not? What else can God throw at me?
+House," Hail. Locusts. Smiting of the firstborn. Course, it all depends on how evil you've been."
+Wilson, House.
+STARK," If it's cancer, it's spread Everywhere, right? It's what's in my lungs, my kidneys?"
+Wilson," There is a chance, by removing the eye, get the primary tumor, and three courses of radiation, that could..."
+STARK, Could? What? Few months? Years?
+Wilson, More likely months.
+STARK, (to House) Any of your other doctors have any cheerier diagnoses?
+House," If they do, they're wrong. This is the answer. It's the only way to help you."
+STARK, I already can't walk. I can't eat. You're telling me that the rest of my life... is in this bed... puking and in pain?
+Wilson, We can Manage the pain.
+STARK, I'd rather just get this over with. I've been trapped... in this useless body long enough. It'd be nice to finally get out.
+House," Get out and go where? You think you're gonna sprout wings and start flying around with the other angels? Don't be an idiot. There is no 'after', there's just 'this'."
+Wilson, House!
+Wilson, (exasperated and angry) You can't let a dying Man take solace in his beliefs.
+House, His beliefs are stupid.
+Wilson," Everybody lies. Some for good reasons, some for bad. This would have been a fantastic reason to lie!"
+House," (holds out his hand, exasperated) Hi! Greg House."
+Wilson, Why can't you just let him have his fairy tale? If it give him comfort to imagine (stops and turns to House) beaches and loved ones and life outside a wheelchair....
+House, (sarcastically) Are there 72 virgins too?
+Wilson," It's over. He's got days, maybe hours left. What pain does it cause you if he spends that time with a peaceful smile? What sick pleasure do you get in making damn sure he's filled with fear and dread?"
+House, He shouldn't be making a decision based on a lie. Misery is better than nothing.
+Wilson, You don't KNOW there's nothing. You haven't been there.
+House," Oh, God, I am TIRED of that argument! I don't have to go to Detroit to know that it smells."
+Wilson, Yes. Detroit. The Afterlife. Same thing.
+Amber," You're not getting enough oxygen, so we're inserting a tube directly into your lungs. It should help us drain some of this excess fluid."
+Thirteen, (picking up the tube) Should make you a little more comfortable.
+Amber, Sats are still dropping.
+Thirteen," The fluid's clear. If this was cancer, there should be blood. Call House."
+Amber, He just paged me.
+Amber, Dr. House!
+COLE, Maybe it was... just an accident.
+Amber, It wasn't an accident.
+Taub, Think his nihilism got the best of him and he tried to kill himself?
+Amber, He paged me.
+Kutner, He paged you?
+A, Why you?
+Amber, I assume because he...
+Wilson, Don't assume anything.
+Wilson, Don't fall into that trap.
+Thirteen, Is he okay?
+Wilson," (takes a moment to process the question) Burned his hand pretty good. His heart stopped for nearly a minute. But your cohort Managed to... restart it. But... he has not regained consciousness. (continues with forced cheer) So... (checks the file) since I have you all here, we should pRobably talk about your ACTUAL Patient."
+Wilson," Clear fluid from the lungs indiCates that it's pRobably not cancer, so it would be nice if we could come up with a new idea."
+ House,'S ROOM
+Wilson, You're an idiot. You nearly killed yourself.
+House, That was the whole idea.
+Wilson, You WANTED to kill yourself?
+House, I wanted to NEARLY kill myself. Is he... better?
+Wilson," No. But he doesn't have cancer. We think it might be eosinophilic pneumonia. (refusing to be distracted from his rant) Maybe you didn't want to die, but you didn't care if you lived."
+House, You insisted that I needed to see for myself.
+House," (also refusing to be distracted from his original thought) What, was he discharged?"
+Wilson, No. He's dying. You've already had two near-death experiences.
+House, Not that guy. The guy in the car accident. With the knife. I... I need to talk to him.
+Wilson," He... died almost an hour ago. Apparently, it's bad to electrocute yourself within days of suffering massive internal injuries. Why did you need to talk to him? Did you... see... something?"
+House, Eosinophilic pneumonia...
+Wilson, House? What did you see?
+House, Nothing. Who's idea was that?
+Wilson, Brennan. Nothing-you-don't-want-to-talk-about-it or nothing...
+House, Which one's Brennan? Is he the ridiculously old guy?
+Wilson," House, you gotta talk about this."
+House," If it's aggressive enough, it might have gotten past the steroids. Start him on cyclophosphamide."
+Wilson, I already did. (frustrated) Just looking at you hurts. (takes his chart and scribbles) I'm going to order up some extra pain meds.
+House, I love you.
+STARK, How fast... will this work?
+Thirteen, New meds should start helping in minutes. Just hang in there.
+JODY, Vacutainer's full. I need to replace it.
+STARK, I don't... I don't think it... it's working.
+Thirteen, Try and relax.
+STARK, You must... you must be wr... wrong.
+Thirteen, Stop talking. (to Jody) Hurry up and get that chest tube working?
+JODY, Okay. I got it.
+STARK, Could you get... Hoover?
+STARK, I can't... Can you... put my... hand... on his head?
+STARK, (reassuringly) It's okay. Don't worry. I'm not scared.
+JODY," Oh, God."
+Thirteen, Time of death...
+ House,'S ROOM
+Amber, (faux cheerfully) You're looking better. (solemnly) Stark's dead.
+Amber, What are you doing?
+House, Going to see our Patient.
+Amber, He's dead.
+House, Dead is not a diagnosis.
+Amber, You really shouldn't be...
+House, Shut up. And give me my cane.
+Amber, I assume we're all fired.
+House," Should I fire myself, too? I thought it was Strongyloides, then I thought it was cancer. Little help here."
+Amber," Ready? One, two..."
+Amber, Why'd you call me?
+House," Because if I pooped myself in front of Wilson, I'd nEver hear the end of it."
+Amber, But why not one of the others?
+House, You always had that phone in your hand.
+Amber, We all have cell phones. That's not the reason. What is?
+House," If I died, you'd nEver get the job. I knew you wouldn't let that happen."
+Amber, You don't think anybody else has any reason to care?
+House," Think this is starting to come back to me. Right, left, then repeat."
+House," Yeah, that works."
+House, What did we miss?
+JODY," If we knew, he wouldn't be dead."
+House," So, that's it? You're just gonna give up?"
+Thirteen, No. We were defeated. It's over.
+JODY," Patient presented with syncope. We thought it was threadworms, gave him ivermectin."
+House," Thank you. Patient seemed... better, 'til his blood turned green."
+Thirteen, (tightly) Can we at least remove the body before launParkng into a purely academic exercise?
+House, The Patient didn't respond to antibiotics or steroids.
+Thirteen," You okay, boy?"
+House, What's wrong with the dog?
+JODY," He's dead. There are only a handful of viruses that can cross between dogs and huMans, but they may not be connected at all. The dog was old. I've seen it before. They hang on way past their normal life expectancy to take care of their Masters."
+House, (to Thirteen) Did you watch him take the pills? (she looks at him blankly) The ivermectin. Did you watch the Patient put them in his mouth and swallow them?
+Thirteen, I don't know. I think so.
+House, What kind of dog is that?
+JODY, English Shepherd.
+House," It's in the Collie family, right?"
+JODY, Not really.
+House, They share the MDR-1 gene.
+JODY, Yeah.
+House, What happens when you give a dog with the MDR-1 gene ivermectin?
+JODY," They don't. I mean, it's used to treat heartworms in most dogs, but it'd be fatal if the..."
+House," Look familiar? I think the last time you saw it, it didn't have that dead dog's teethmarks on it."
+Thirteen, I just put it on the bed tray to get him some water.
+House," (harshly) When I asked you if you watched the Patient swallow the pills, the right answer was 'no'. (stares implacably into her eyes) Take his body down to the morgue."
+Cuddy," If you hadn't treated this Patient as a game, he wouldn't be dead."
+House," Feeling much better, thank you."
+Cuddy, I'm supposed to show you sympathy? He died... while his attending was lying on a hospital bed because he stuck a knife in a wall socket.
+House, He died because a doctor made a mistake. He was an idiot.
+Cuddy, You employed her. You're responsible.
+SCHAFFER, Dr. Foreman.
+SCHAFFER, How's she doing?
+Foreman, FEver's gone. AST and ALT are back within normal range. She should be out of here in a few days.
+SCHAFFER, Gutsy call.
+Foreman, Thanks.
+SCHAFFER," It wasn't a compliment. If you were wrong, she'd be dead."
+Foreman, I was sure...
+SCHAFFER," No, you weren't. You couldn't be. There's a reason we have rules. If Every doctor did whatEver his 'gut' told him was right, we'd have a lot more dead bodies to deal with."
+Foreman, It won't happen again.
+SCHAFFER," Yes, it will. Because you confused saving her life with doing the right thing. (shakes her head) I'm sorry, Dr. Foreman, you're fired."
+Thirteen," (quietly) As soon as the pathologist cut into the lungs, we saw the threadworms."
+House, You think it's fair that I fired all the other members of your team when you guys actually came up with the right diagnosis?
+Thirteen, I keep replaying it in my mind. Did I drop the pills when I put them on the bed tray? Did I knock them over when I turned to leave?
+House, You know he'd be alive.
+House, His dog'd be alive.
+Thirteen, I know.
+House, You forced us to act on a false assumption.
+Thirteen, I know.
+House, Everything we built from that step on. Every test. Every theory. Every treatment.
+Thirteen," (hotly, finally meeting his eyes) I know! Forget the lecture and fire me already!"
+House," If I was going to fire you, I wouldn't be giving you the lecture. I know you're not going to let anything like this Ever happen again. (pause) I'll see you tomorrow."
+House, And I'm sorry to say... I told you so.
+IRENE WALESA," [cheerfully] There were some nice guys there, but they're all so quiet. Awkward smiles and sweaty palms. I'm not expecting Brad Pitt to walk into St. Theresa's. Just... someone who makes me laugh. Has a nice smile."
+IRENE WALESA," Full head of hair. You know, someone like you, Mr. Franklin."
+IRENE WALESA, [sadly] It's a shame they're going to cremate you.
+[MYSTERY PERSON POV, Someone moves towards her.]
+IRENE WALESA, [struggling to stay calm] Can I help you?
+IRENE WALESA, [calling out] Martin!
+IRENE WALESA, Martin!
+IRENE WALESA, [to the Man] My purse is right there. Go ahead. Take whatEver you want.
+MARTIN, Irene? You call me?
+MARTIN, Irene?
+MARTIN, Irene!
+Amber," [feigning concern, softly] How're you doing?"
+Amber," [whispering] FYI, if you ask me, it's more the guy's fault than yours. And House isn't blameless either. If he hadn't pitted us all against each other..."
+Taub, [pointing at the phone] Was that always there?
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, [into phone] Hello. [listens] Sure.
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, [whispering to the rest] It's House.
+House," [from phone] Gooood morning, Angels."
+House," [from phone] As you will see from the file, we have quite the interesting case. Not often do you get a Patient who sees dead people."
+Kutner," Uhh, what file?"
+House, What the hell? I gave it to Bosley a half hour ago.
+Cameron, It was not a half hour. It was ten minutes. And he made copies of the ER records first.
+House," Less lip, more whip. I only agreed to take this case because you said that this Mocha Frappalicious would have whip on it."
+Cameron, Fine. I'll refer the case to Foreman.
+House, [shakes his head] Can't. Mercy fired him.
+House, Gimme.
+Cameron, He got fired?
+House, Disobeyed a superior Officer under fire. He's lucky he wasn't executed.
+Cameron, How do you know about it? You keeping tabs on him?
+House, Girls talk.
+House, When Bosley drags his ancient ass in there...
+HENRY DOBSON, I'm here. Twenty-four-year-old funeral cosmetician suffered a grand mal seizure at work.
+Taub, [whispers to Kutner] Why does he get to be Bosley?
+Kutner, [whispers to Taub] You wanna be Bosley? Bosley's like the asexual messenger boy.
+HENRY DOBSON," She had a vision of being raped by a cadaver before passing out. Seizure rules out psyParkatric illness. No history of epilepsy, head trauma, or drug use."
+Taub, [whispers to Kutner] Bosley keeps his job while they replace five Angels over three seasons.
+Amber, Could be a tumor to the temporal lobe.
+Taub, Not with a normal CT scan.
+Amber, You mean it appeared normal to the doc in the ER.
+House," Way to get right back on that horse, ""Thirteen""."
+House," [from phone] Nice try, Cutthroat Bitch. That was the worst ""Thirteen"" imitation I've Ever heard."
+Taub, Funeral home prep rooms are filled with toxic chemicals.
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, And cadavers. Everybody in that place obviously died from something.
+Taub, [suddenly] I have a question. Is he the one who's not a doctor?
+HENRY DOBSON," [ignores him] Bullets aren't contagious. But infections, parasites..."
+Taub," [interrupts] You said one of us wasn't a doctor, and you called him a fraud."
+House," [from phone] He's not a doctor. Continue, Boz."
+HENRY DOBSON, Could be an STD...
+Taub, [interrupts again] Why isn't he fired?
+House," [raspy voice] Oh, you're breaking up. I'm going into a tunnel."
+House, Dark religious nut.
+JeffREY COLE, What did you call me?
+House, [from phone] I'm sorry. What do you people want to be called this week?
+JeffREY COLE, Cole.
+House, [furrows his brow] I'm nEver gonna remember that. Take Bosley and the other visible minority to the funeral home.
+House," The rest of you young white people, the world is your oyster. Get an MRI with contrast, EEG, LP, and blood panel. And, Angels, be careful."
+Cameron, Just because he's religious doesn't mean he won't kick your ass.
+House, You wanna bet?
+Cameron," No, I want you to stop being such a jerk to him."
+House, [teasingly] One hundred dollars.
+House, Smart call. [pockets the money] Guy's a wuss. He's gonna be the next one on the train.
+Cameron," Define ""kick your ass."""
+House, Any physical confrontation...
+Cameron, Or verbal?
+House, Define verbal.
+Cameron, Anything over...sEventy decibels. And you can't start suddenly being nice to him.
+House, You realize what you're encouraging here.
+Cameron," [grinning ear-to-ear] Yeah, someone kickin' your ass."
+IRENE WALESA, [looking inside the MRI] The space inside is smaller than I thought.
+CONNIE WALESA," Don't worry, Reena. The doctors are going to take good care of you, right?"
+Taub," Once the Valium kicks in, you'll feel better."
+CONNIE WALESA," And then we'll have some nice, warm milk when you're done."
+IRENE WALESA, I'd rather have more Valium.
+CONNIE WALESA, [amused] Reena.
+Taub," Let's wait just a bit, see how it goes."
+Amber, Try to lie as still as possible.
+Taub, [complaining] I guess Father Time's a lock for one of the spots.
+Amber," ""Thirteen""'s a lock."
+Taub, He doesn't have a medical license and he's still around.
+Amber, She killed a guy in a wheelchair. And his dog.
+Taub, He doesn't care about our qualifications or ideas. He just wants to have fun.
+Amber, And she's the ultimate fun 'cause he can't figure her out.
+Taub, This game is insane.
+Amber, So quit. Happy to lose the competition.
+Taub," [sighs] If it's gonna be on your r�sum�, it's gotta be better to quit than get fired."
+Amber, Either quit or shut up.
+Taub," Actually, with House, getting fired might look better."
+ PILCHER, [going through Foreman's r�sum�] Dr. House is a dangerous egoManiac.
+Foreman, [smiles in agreement] That's why I left. We had different ideas on how to practise.
+ PILCHER, Glad to hear it. Tell me about Mercy.
+Foreman," To be honest, I don't think Dr. Schaffer really gave me a chance."
+ PILCHER, Obviously not. You were there for three weeks. What happened?
+Foreman, [sighs uneasily] Saved a Patient's life.
+ PILCHER, That's usually not grounds for dismissal.
+Foreman, [unsure] Have you spoken to her?
+ PILCHER, Yes.
+Foreman, Then why are you asking me what happened?
+ PILCHER, You have an excellent r�sum�. I felt I owed it to you to hear what you had to say.
+Foreman, [quietly] What'd she tell you?
+ PILCHER, That you defied her instructions and hospital procedures.
+Foreman, That's what happened. Nothing more I can add to that.
+ PILCHER, You could tell me that you were wrong.
+ PILCHER, [putting Foreman's r�sum� aside] Sounds like you didn't leave House quite soon enough.
+JeffREY COLE, [over phone] Cadavers were clean. So is her food. It's all organic unprocessed crap. It's gotta be the embalming fluid.
+JeffREY COLE, Ethanol can have psychoactive effects...
+House," [from phone, loudly] Bosley! Tell whoEver's talking he's an idiot."
+House," Bosley. Either tell him he's an idiot, or tell me why I'm wrong."
+HENRY DOBSON," [apologetically, to Cole] You're an idiot."
+House, [from phone] You actually think that I'd take a Patient who had a seizure in a funeral home if the ER hadn't already ruled out embalming fluid?
+JeffREY COLE, I thought we weren't supposed to trust...
+House," [from phone, snaps] Idiot! From the old French, [constipated French accent] ""idiote"", meaning effeminate, mentally deficient moor."
+HENRY DOBSON," I found something in the mortuary's files from '05. A forty-eight-year-old male's cause of death was listed as pneumonia, but the symptoms in the autopsy report didn't fit. Uh, confusion, memory loss, depression."
+House, Mad cow. Very cool.
+JeffREY COLE," No, she's a vegetarian and only ate organic vegetables at that."
+House, Tell him he's an idiot again.
+HENRY DOBSON, [to Cole] The disease can be spread by brain tissue.
+House, Which is very cool. Run with it.
+TRAVIS BRENNAN," [amused] So because the answer might be ""cool"", you want us to do a brain biopsy on a twenty-four-year-old Woman?"
+House," No, because the answer is something cool, I want you to do a brain biopsy on a forty-eight-year-old dead guy."
+Amber, [wide-eyed] The guy's already been buried.
+Kutner, [excited] We dig him up.
+Taub, I am not digging up a body without a court order.
+House, Don't think of it as digging up a body. Think of it as keeping another one from being buried.
+JeffREY COLE, I can't do it.
+House, We gonna have another one of those ecumenical discussions where I tell you that your beliefs are ridiculous and you totally cave?
+JeffREY COLE, I just gotta be home at six.
+House," The Sabbath. The Lord works for six days, then tells the Union he needs a rest. You know, if I was all-powerful, I'd take at least two days."
+House," Well, then it must be the kid."
+House, You have oatmeal on your pants.
+Kutner, Do you have a camera in here?
+House, No. I was guessing. He had oatmeal on his pants yesterday and the day before. Have one of your wives look after the spawn.
+JeffREY COLE, I'm a single dad.
+Taub, Where's the single mom?
+JeffREY COLE, I have no idea.
+House," Interesting. You claim a lapse of judgment, or you gonna admit that a lapse in judgment is a lapse in faith?"
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, He's gone.
+House, Fair enough. Family comes first.
+Amber," Dr. Cuddy, I'm Amber, one of Dr. House's new fellows."
+Cuddy," Sexual harassment claims go through HR. Stress-related leaves through worker's comp, and any accusations of criminal activities go directly to the Princeton Plainsboro Police Department."
+Amber," Actually, I was wondering if you needed any extra help in the clinic tonight."
+Cuddy, [laughing] You're not going to score any points with House by kissing my ass.
+Amber," Understood. But I hear Dr. House hates clinic duty. If he were to hear through the grapevine that I was willing to work overtime, take some of it off his hands..."
+Cuddy," My advice to you is to do whatEver House wants you to do tonight. And then tomorrow night, you can come back and I will give you extra clinic duty."
+Amber, Does Everybody around here have trust issues?
+Cuddy," I don't know what House wants you to do, and I don't want to know. But if you really have a pRoblem with it, quit now. It's only gonna get worse."
+TRAVIS BRENNAN," All right, who's up?"
+Taub, Not me.
+Taub," I'm a surgeon. If anything happens to these hands, I'm screwed. Let Bosley do it. As long as he can keep folding laundry, his career won't..."
+HENRY DOBSON," [urgently] Shh, shh, shh. Someone's coming."
+Taub, [whispering] Shouldn't we be running?
+Kutner," [whispering] If it's a cop, run. Security guard, I say we take him down."
+Amber, [smiling] Sorry I'm late.
+Taub, Where the hell have you been?
+Amber," Oh, I got lost."
+Kutner, [resuming digging] Been here over three hours.
+Amber, Really lost. I brought coffee and donuts.
+Amber," So ""Thirteen"", you grow up around here?"
+Amber, I'm just making conversation. It's what people do. Why are you hiding Everything? And I'm asking you that question because you're hiding Everything. There's something seriously wrong with you. I'm worried.
+Amber," Fine, but I am freaked, because I don't think you're a freak. I think you're doing this on purpose because you know House will be intrigued."
+Kutner," [looks up, dramatically] Honey, I'm home."
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, Get the crowbar.
+Kutner," No, there's not enough room to Maneuver a crowbar down here."
+TRAVIS BRENNAN," Oh, God help us."
+Kutner, What the hell?
+Amber, [nervous] What is it?
+Kutner, [testily] Ankles. They buried the guy the wrong way around.
+Cuddy, The doctor's lounge is covered in mud.
+House," Thirteen and Cutthroat Bitch had a disagreement, and the cafeteria was out of jell-o."
+Cuddy," There were pickaxes. Either you had them dig up a body, or you're building a railroad."
+House, A little tiny piece of his brain. Seemed a waste. He wasn't using it anymore.
+Cuddy," That's your defense? ""We just dismembered him""?"
+House, They're looking for Creutzfeldt-Jakob.
+Cuddy, [really intrigued] You get the results yet?
+House, Does my breath smell bated to you?
+Cuddy, Yes. Let me know when you hear anything. [stands] And get that mess in the shower area cleaned up.
+House, I know just the guy.
+Cuddy, How Many of them agreed to dig up a grave?
+House, Six.
+House," But don't worry, the one who didn't didn't stand on principle. He just had a diaper to change. I really think there are no bad choices in this group."
+House, You guys don't wipe your feet when you come in the House?
+House, Doctor's lounge. Let's go.
+Taub, Why me?
+House," Well, I can't ask the black guy or one of the Parkcks to do it. That would be insensitive."
+Taub, And you can't ask Bosley because that'd look like you only hired the non-doctor to do non-doctor stuff.
+House," You keep stalling, you're still gonna clean up, but I won't let you have the mop."
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, Sample came back negative for Creutzfeldt-Jakob.
+House," Well, that discussion didn't last long."
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, I just don't know what else there is. We had an idea. It was wrong.
+House," Well, we can go home. I mean, we have no idea what's wrong with her. Which means it could be completely benign. Or, on the off chance that it's _killing_ her, we could take it again from the top."
+IRENE WALESA, You've already done Everything.
+JeffREY COLE, We may have missed something.
+IRENE WALESA, I just want to go home. I'm sure I'm fine now.
+CONNIE WALESA," Reena, the doctors know best."
+IRENE WALESA," If I have another one, I'll come right back, okay?"
+CONNIE WALESA, If you have it while you're driving...
+IRENE WALESA, You can drive me. Make sure I take it easy.
+IRENE WALESA, [looking towards Connie] My mother.
+JeffREY COLE, Your mother's here?
+IRENE WALESA, What are you talking about? She's right there.
+House," [from phone] You sampled Every bodily fluid, peeked in her brain, violated a cadaver's privacy, dug up a body..."
+House, ... but missed the fact she was still seeing things that weren't there.
+House, Be nice if one of you Angels-slash-morons had a clue why.
+Taub, We did a full history. She nEver mentioned seeing or hearing anything unusual.
+House," [sarcastic] Oh, well, as long as she nEver said anything. How were you to know? Same thing with the spinal fluid? She tell you that was fine?"
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, [checking a file] The labs were all clear.
+House," Then either we're about to meet the Alpha and Omega, or you missed something."
+HENRY DOBSON, [after a beat] We missed the new symptom.
+Kutner, It's not a new symptom. We always knew she had hallucinations.
+HENRY DOBSON, Seeing her dead mother's a hallucination. Not knowing she's dead is a delusion.
+House," [impressed] You keep this up, you're gonna have to start wearing sexier clothes."
+Taub," Uh, carbon monoxide could also cause delusions. A lot of haunted Houses report..."
+HENRY DOBSON, There's no headache. No tachycardia. [to Taub] I guess they didn't cover that at your medical school.
+Kutner," In Ukraine, twenty years ago. Good luck trying to get those records."
+House, We start new records. Test for Every hereditary disease that fits the symptoms.
+Taub," There are at least forty different mitochondrial disorders, another couple hundred..."
+House," Start with Amyloidosis, keep going until you reach... zAmyloidosis."
+IRENE WALESA, Now what are you testing for? Or should I ask what you're not testing for?
+Amber," Well, we could narrow it down if you could remember what your mother died from."
+IRENE WALESA," [snapping] My mother is not dead. She's sitting right there. [points to the seat, where Connie sits (or so she thinks)]"
+Amber, Do you think we're lying to you?
+Amber, You lose your mother?
+Amber, Do you think we're trying to trick you? Why would we do that?
+IRENE WALESA, Because you're mean. And you're not good at your job.
+CONNIE WALESA," Reena, stop. You're being cruel."
+IRENE WALESA, They're wasting time. Doing exactly what the guy in the wheelchair said they'd do.
+IRENE WALESA, You know who I'm talking about. He's been hanging around Ever since they brought me in. Complaining about how incompetent Everyone is. Said you killed his dog.
+Cuddy, It doesn't make any sense.
+Foreman, I'm not interested.
+Cuddy," If you weren't interested, you wouldn't be here."
+Foreman, I thought it was social.
+Cuddy," No, you didn't. You always think there's an agenda."
+Foreman, That's why I left.
+Cuddy, That's why you're good. You need a job.
+Foreman, I'll find a job.
+Cuddy, And I need someone that understands House.
+Foreman, They'll learn.
+Cuddy, I need someone that can control House.
+Foreman, [snorts] Heh! Keep looking. Might take a while.
+Cuddy," I'll cut the salary of Everyone else on the team fifteen percent, give it to you. That's more than you'll get anywhere else."
+Foreman, What does House say about this?
+Cuddy, You're the one person on the team that he always respected.
+Foreman, [chuckles] This restaurant is twenty minutes out of your way. Half an hour out of mine. You picked it to make sure House didn't drop in on us.
+Cuddy," It's my decision, not his."
+Foreman," And you tell him that, then run back to your office while I get to deal with him. I left for a reason. That reason hasn't changed."
+House, So... what's the news?
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, Everything's negative so far.
+House," Yes. Why wait to finish before reporting to me? I have things to do, you know."
+Amber, She's seeing someone else.
+House," That's not news. That's ""olds""."
+House, Dammit. Why did God design the huMan body this way?
+Amber, A guy in a wheelchair.
+House, In a hospital. It's enough to give you the heebie-jeebies.
+Amber, He had a dog. She's seeing Stark. Our last Patient.
+House," Well, if it's Stark, he wouldn't be haunting a Patient, he'd be haunting the doctor who killed him."
+House, [interjects loudly] PRobably? You think there's a possibility that the alternative is true?
+House, Then go away.
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, We're wasting time. We ran thirty two gels. We could run a hundred more. Without knowing how her mother died...
+House," You're gonna have to run a hundred more. And by you, of course, I'm only referring to the people who care enough about huMan life to put in a full day. [to Cole] You wanna carpool?"
+JeffREY COLE, H-how do you expect me to respond to this stuff?
+House, Exactly like you just did. I have a theory. Maybe you can help me out. Black Mormon means masoParkst. Means kinky.
+House, I'm thinking that someone got hurt making the bastard. Am I right?
+JeffREY COLE, You leave my son out of this.
+House, I wasn't referring to your kid's hypocrisy. I was referring to yours.
+HENRY DOBSON," Why don't we just ask her how she died, hmm?"
+Amber, Because she won't tell us. She thinks her mother's still alive.
+HENRY DOBSON," I don't mean ask the Patient, I mean ask her mother."
+House," [thinks about it a second, likes it] Cool."
+House," [to ""Thirteen""] Come on."
+Taub, [to Dobson] What the hell does that mean? You guys talking your own language now?
+HENRY DOBSON, I'm sorry. I'll try to include some visual aids next time.
+IRENE WALESA, Now what?
+House, I'm Dr. House. 'S your mom around?
+IRENE WALESA, Why should I tell you? You're just going to tell me I'm lying or crazy.
+House, Not gonna do that. I really need to know what she has to say.
+IRENE WALESA, What do you want?
+House," When you were young, was she...?"
+IRENE WALESA," No, not you. Him. [points to someone behind him]"
+IRENE WALESA, No. He's old.
+IRENE WALESA," Actually, looks like you."
+House," Yeah, that's Grandpa House. Tell him to call back on a land line. Terrible reception in here. How much pain was your mom in?"
+OLD GENTLEMan, It's Walter.
+IRENE WALESA, He says his name is Walter.
+Wilson, [unsure what House wants this time] Can I... help you?
+House, My Patient's talking to my Grandpa Walt.
+Wilson, You have a Grandpa Walt?
+House, Nope. Which is what made me suspect that maybe she's not actually seeing into the afterlife.
+Wilson, What is this sudden obsession with the afterlife?
+House, Only obsession is with the idiots in the right-here-and-now life who think there's an afterlife. [he pulls out his Vicodin bottle]
+Wilson, And you want me to...?
+House, Nothing. Just need a place to hang low for awhile. I'm pretending to be spooked.
+Wilson, Because...?
+House," Because if my soon-to-be-brain-dead Patient thinks that I beliEve her, maybe she'll let me chat with her mother's ghost."
+Wilson, The one you don't beliEve exists.
+House," Exactly. The ghost is a hallucination, which is the result of a delusion which most likely is the result of a hereditary disease that her mother died from when the Patient was four."
+Wilson, And you think you can tap into her subconscious memory by tapping into her hallucination.
+House," Hmm-mm. She might not know what caused her mother's death, but she will know how she acted before she died."
+Wilson," You're quite impressed with yourself right now, aren't you?"
+House," [snorts] Who wouldn't be? [checks his watch] Well, that should be long enough. Back in a flash."
+Wilson, Take your time.
+House, [acting like a beliEver] Is my grandfather still here?
+IRENE WALESA, No.
+CONNIE WALESA, He should be right back.
+IRENE WALESA, He just went to get some warm milk.
+House," But your mom's still here, right?"
+IRENE WALESA," Yes, of course."
+House," I know she's fine now, but when you were four or five, she got sick."
+IRENE WALESA, [confused] No.
+House, You sure? She wasn't in any pain?
+CONNIE WALESA, I wasn't in pain.
+IRENE WALESA, She was just tired. And sometimes she would stay in bed all day.
+House, Did she Ever fall down?
+CONNIE WALESA, Of course. Everyone falls down once in awhile.
+IRENE WALESA, Sometimes. Not that often.
+House, How often?
+CONNIE WALESA, [remembering] Maybe it was actually more than once in awhile. [gasps in recollection] Remember that time in the bathroom?
+IRENE WALESA, Hmm. [to House] A few times. Once she hit her head on the bathroom sink. There was blood all over the floor. I-I got it on my sweater. And...
+IRENE WALESA, They took her away.
+House," Yeah, to the place where the doctor made her better. But before that, what about her arms and legs? Did she Ever walk funny? Like sort of bent over?"
+CONNIE WALESA, [laughs] I thought that was from growing up on the farm.
+House," What about her hands? She Ever have any difficulty sewing, buttoning a shirt?"
+CONNIE WALESA," No. [gasps] But sometimes, my hands would, um, shiver. Like I was cold. But I wasn't. I nEver quite understood."
+IRENE WALESA, She used to get the shivers like she was cold.
+House, Start her on l-dopa and bromocriptine. [bored] It's just Parkinson's.
+Cameron, Cole. How's it going with your Patient?
+JeffREY COLE, Still seeing stuff.
+Cameron, I hear House is treating you like crap.
+JeffREY COLE, [light chuckle] He treats Everyone badly.
+Cameron," [smiles] Yeah, but I heard you're special."
+JeffREY COLE," Oh, I can handle it."
+Cameron, Maybe you shouldn't. He's gonna walk all over you if you let him.
+JeffREY COLE," That says nothing about me, just him."
+Cameron, [exhorting] House respects people who aren't afraid of him. Get in his face. Yell if you have to.
+JeffREY COLE, I don't need his respect.
+Cameron, You do if you want the job.
+JeffREY COLE, Thanks for the advice.
+Kutner, [pissed] You have to hold still!
+IRENE WALESA, [crying] I'm trying!
+Kutner, [irritated] Damn! Hold her down!
+IRENE WALESA, No! Stop it!
+IRENE WALESA, No... no!
+IRENE WALESA, [pleading] No! No! No!
+IRENE WALESA, No!
+IRENE WALESA, [sighs weakly] You stabbed me.
+IRENE WALESA, [crying] My arm is bleeding.
+Amber, Lesions aren't explained by Parkinson's.
+House, Any theories?
+House," [to ""Thirteen""] A ghost got your tongue?"
+HENRY DOBSON, What about vasculitis?
+Taub, MRI didn't indiCate any cerebral ischemia.
+HENRY DOBSON," But she has shown some focal weakness, urinary retention."
+Taub," Yes, those are her big mystery symptoms. Not the hallucinations that vasculitis doesn't explain."
+HENRY DOBSON, Unless it's retinal vasculitis.
+Taub," House, this guy may be smart, and I'm sure he's great to share a beer with. But if he doesn't know that visual symptoms are an electrical issue, not vascular; two separate systems..."
+HENRY DOBSON," So are the banks and the power grid. But if I don't pay my bills, my lights go out."
+House," Vasculitis restricts blood flow to nerves, messes with electrical function."
+Taub, Acute intermittent porphyria's a better fit.
+HENRY DOBSON," If you're wrong about porphyria, the treatment could box her kidneys. Vasculitis is treated with corticosteriods. Relatively harmless."
+House, Start her on the steroids.
+Taub, [protesting] House...
+House, And test for both so he'll stop whining.
+House," [to Cole] Big Love, have I humiliated you in the last half hour?"
+JeffREY COLE, [apprehensive] No.
+House, Check your email.
+Cameron, How's it going?
+House, Great. The only way he could turn any more cheeks is by pulling down his pants.
+Cameron, [takes an apple] He's not a wuss. It takes a lot more strength...
+House," Hey, we didn't bet on how strong he was."
+Cameron, So you're gonna collect a hundred dollars and fire him because he has principles? [takes a bite out of the apple]
+House, What's your agenda here? Obviously don't care about the hundred.
+Cameron," He's a decent, smart..."
+House, You don't care about the team.
+Cameron, Does it annoy Wilson when you ask questions and ignore the answers?
+House," Very much. You only care about who I hire and who I fire, 'cause you miss going through my mail. You can't stop controlling me."
+Cameron, [chuckles] No one controls you.
+House, Want your job back?
+Cameron, [right-away] No.
+House, Too bad. You can't have it.
+House, [points at Cameron] She'll take care of this.
+House, You can take it out of the $100 you're gonna owe me.
+ BRADY," [leaning back, reading Foreman's r�sum�] I met House at a conference about five years ago. He's quite a character."
+Foreman," Yes, he is."
+ BRADY, PRobably one of the best medical minds of our generation.
+Foreman, I agree. I-I learned an awful lot from him.
+ BRADY," I'll bet you did. I see here you just did a stint at Mercy. Great. It says here ""'07 to present."" How long were you there?"
+Foreman," About a month. Dr. Schaffer was great, but just wasn't the right fit."
+ BRADY," Wait, was that you with Dr. Schaffer and the lymphoma Patient?"
+Foreman," It was, uh, it was a tough situation. I pRobably could've handled it better."
+ BRADY, [sits upright] No. Dr. Schaffer's got a stick up her rear. Good for you. What made you so sure it was lymphoma?
+Foreman, There was an unusual lactic acid lEvel in one of her labs. I had a similar case a few months ago.
+ BRADY," [really impressed] Beautiful. God, I wish I had your stones."
+Foreman," [chuckles] Well, my stones are on the market."
+ BRADY," No, I mean, seriously, I wish I had your stones. Then I could cram you down the board of directors."
+ BRADY," But I don't. I'm sorry, Man. Good luck."
+Amber," If the signals are misfiring, it'll confirm that an old Man without a medical license is smarter than all of us. That your hallucinations were caused by..."
+IRENE WALESA," [stoically] They're not hallucinations. Tell her, mom."
+CONNIE WALESA," [stroking Irene's hair] Honey, they're doctors. They must know what they're doing."
+IRENE WALESA," If they know what they're doing, how'd they kill that poor Man's dog?"
+Amber," C'mon, this has got to be freaking you out a little bit."
+Amber," There's nothing to be ashamed of here. If the ghost of a Man you killed doesn't screw with your head, there's something wrong with your head."
+Amber," [acts scared, shrinks back] See, that freaks me out."
+Amber," Oh, absolutely. That makes sense. The dog was in here getting his eyes checked and forgot to put his jewelry back on."
+IRENE WALESA, This isn't working. You're just making me sicker like he said you...
+IRENE WALESA," [in agony] My stomach, it hurts."
+Amber, [into phone] Code in the eye lab.
+IRENE WALESA, I can't. It hurts. [crying] Why won't you help me?
+Chase, Spleen's ripe to bursting. You guys thought it was vasculitis?
+JeffREY COLE," You used to be on House's team, right?"
+Chase, Yeah. There's a lot of blood in here. Sponge.
+JeffREY COLE, You got any advice for me?
+Chase, Nope.
+JeffREY COLE, You always put up with this crap?
+Chase, Yep.
+JeffREY COLE, [softly] Was it a mistake?
+Chase, It was irrelevant.
+JeffREY COLE, He fired you.
+Chase, He'll fire you either way... Eventually.
+JeffREY COLE, Dr. Cameron told me...
+Chase, Don't wanna know.
+JeffREY COLE, Why not?
+Chase, 'Cause... House is watParkng.
+Chase, Not a metaphor. Look up.
+House, [over intercom] You guys gonna shoot the breeze or you gonna do something about all that bleeding?
+Chase, That's not coming from the spleen. It's the liver.
+JeffREY COLE, It's necrotic.
+Chase, She's dying from the inside out.
+Taub, Enlarged spleen and liver failure are classic AIP. It's porphyria and it's moving fast.
+HENRY DOBSON, [disagreeing] PBGs were negative. If you read the report...
+Taub," [arguing] PBG tests are only conclusive if done during an attack, which you would know if you were a real doctor."
+House, That is just great.
+HENRY DOBSON, What is?
+Taub, Which one of us is?
+House," Both of you. Together. Fighting. Passionate to prove the other one wrong. Couldn't care less about the Patient, but it all works out the same."
+Amber," [butts in] I hate ""Thirteen""."
+House, Not as productively. Continue.
+HENRY DOBSON, It could still be vascular.
+Taub, [pressing his temples in frustration] Vasculitis is off the board. Steroid treatment didn't help.
+HENRY DOBSON, Vascular isn't just vasculitis. Something's gotta be cutting off the blood supply to her liver and spleen.
+House, Do a visceral angiogram.
+Taub," [stands and approaches House] This is a joke, right? He can't be right Every single time. You're feeding him your ideas just to embarrass us."
+House," If I wanted to embarrass you, I'd... have you mop up the doctor's lounge."
+JeffREY COLE," [whispering] Heavenly father, I pray thee that Thou shalt give the Holy Ghost unto all them that shall beliEve in Thy words."
+JeffREY COLE," [scandalized, withdraws] Irene. What are you doing?"
+IRENE WALESA, I need to touch it.
+TRAVIS BRENNAN," [advances to hold her down] Irene, put your hand down."
+IRENE WALESA," [yelling out] No, give it to me! I want it! Give it to me!"
+House, What'd the angio say?
+JeffREY COLE, We couldn't finish. She started groping me.
+House, You couldn't let her get to second base just to get the test done?
+Kutner, I think that's third base.
+TRAVIS BRENNAN," She was convulsing, delirious, and hyper-salivating. We had to knock her out with lorazepam."
+House," Well, it's definitely not vascular."
+JeffREY COLE, What do you want us to do?
+House," [leans back in his chair] Question is, what would Joseph Smith do?"
+JeffREY COLE, This isn't the time for...
+House, Casting out the demons?
+JeffREY COLE," [arguing] The Patient's not possessed, she's dying. You can mock me tomorrow."
+House, You beliEve that the Book has all the answers.
+JeffREY COLE," [humoring him] To morality, not science!"
+House, But the book is inconsistent with science. You know how Many epileptics were tortured because they were possessed? How Many teenage witches were stoned to death 'cause they took mushrooms?
+JeffREY COLE, [barely restraining himself] Just shut up already! We got a Patient dying!
+House, Either got to prescribe an exorcism or admit to me that Smith was a horny fraud.
+Amber, I know what she has.
+House, You couldn't have spoken up ten seconds ago? You coulda saved me a hundred bucks.
+Amber," [beaming] Mushrooms weren't the only thing that got people stoned to death. Jimsonweed, belladonna, Mandrake root, and... moldy bread. It's ergot poisoning."
+JeffREY COLE, ... completely unprocessed and untreated like what's in that organic rye bread she's been eating. [to House] Should I be going home?
+House, Is it six o'clock?
+Amber, It's why she got worse on the bromocriptine. It's an ergot derivative.
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, There hasn't been a case in fifty years.
+Amber, She kept asking for milk. Dairy products counteract the effects.
+Amber, Cravings based on actual needs. It's a fairly common evolutionary dEvelopment.
+House, You okay with an answer based on evolution?
+JeffREY COLE, [uncertainly] Yeah.
+House, Hypocrite.
+Amber, It's the stuff they make LSD from. The treatment you're on should...
+IRENE WALESA, So I've just been... tripping?
+IRENE WALESA, She's not here?
+Amber, The fact that you're Even willing to accept that answer means the medicine is starting to work.
+CONNIE WALESA," But you'll live. You're beautiful, Reena."
+IRENE WALESA," [tearfully] You too, mama."
+IRENE WALESA, [choking] I'm going to miss you.
+IRENE WALESA, [softly] Mama.
+House," As you know, there are sEven of you and... [counts the flowers and dumps a few of them] only six roses."
+Kutner, Those are peonies.
+Kutner, But I'm sure they're part of the rose family. [smiles]
+House," Actually, I'm surprised there are sEven of you. [to Cole] You punch your boss and stick around?"
+JeffREY COLE, [coolly] Gimme the flower and shut up.
+House," Don't overdo it. [to the rest] Now I would love to keep all of you. But not enough to do anything about it. So according to my arbitrary schedule, one of you has to go."
+Amber, [chuckles uneasily] You're kidding.
+Amber," [jumps up from her seat, angry] I came up with the answer. I Robbed a grave. I..."
+Amber," [to House] No, I nEver..."
+House, I'm sure she did it. That's why she's getting the flower. It was beautiful.
+House, She just overreached. She got into your head.
+House," She owned you. Planting the idea was good. Letting it fester was good. Leaving the collar was stupid. Well known fact, ghosts don't leave things lying around."
+House," Oh, my goodness. I'd totally forgotten about you two. Well played."
+House," Sorry, Henry."
+House, We had some giggles.
+Taub, You agreed with Everything he said. You finished each other's sentences.
+HENRY DOBSON, That's why I gotta go. Don't need someone to tell you what you're already thinking.
+House," Funny, I was gonna say that."
+House, If you want to hang out...
+HENRY DOBSON," [standing] Yeah, I know. Um, call Wilson."
+House," Rest of you, eight o'clock tomorrow."
+Cameron, Cash will be fine.
+House, [getting the money] I bet you say that to all the guys.
+House, Take your blood money.
+House, Who are you gonna protect next?
+Cameron," If I told you, it wouldn't work."
+Foreman, I've rethought some things.
+Cuddy, Glad to hear it.
+Foreman," I'm prepared to come back on a number of conditions. I want the raise you promised, plus five percent. I want my own office and a personal assistant."
+Cuddy, It's not unreasonable.
+Cuddy, I will give you... none of those. [smiles] You can come back at your original salary.
+Foreman, [frowns confused] What's going on?
+Cuddy," You haven't rethought anything. You've just been blackballed. You're ""House Lite"" now. The only administrator that will touch you is the one who hired ""House Classic"". [almost enjoying this] Good news is, she'll pretend she's not doing you a favor."
+Foreman, I can start Monday.
+Man," Why? Want to buy yourself a pretty dress, you little bitch?"
+Man, On your sister's nightstand. Forgot it after I paid her.
+ TONY, You want to die tonight? I said where's your wallet?
+TONY," He's faking. Go in his pockets, grab his wallet. [Guy 1 does as he's told while the Man continues to cough.] Good, let's go. [They start to run off, the Man falls to his knees struggling to breathe.]"
+TONY," He's fine, he's faking it. [Tries to drag Guy 1 away but fails.]"
+TONY, Are you happy? Let's go! [They run off.]
+House," Today, we are hunting for the cat burglar of diseases. Causes a healthy Man's lungs to fail, leaves no fingerprints."
+COLE, Respiratory distress could be asthma.
+House, No hyperinflation on the X-ray.
+Kutner, Food allergy. Could have eaten shellfish or peanuts.
+House, No hives. No erythema on the skin. [Cuddy and Foreman walk in.]
+House, Embolisms don't magically dissolve. [To Foreman.] What are you doing here?
+Foreman," Laryngospasm. [Everyone turns to look at him.] Frosty fall air hits his vocal chords, they spasm shut... Choke him out."
+House," Good idea. You've been tremendously helpful, you can leave."
+Cuddy, I just hired him.
+House, Well I fired him. To infinity.
+Foreman, [To Cuddy.] You didn't tell him I was coming back?
+House," She did, I said no."
+Cuddy," When your extended job interview slash reality TV show killed a Patient, you lost your veto power. Everybody, this is Dr. Foreman, he will..."
+Amber," Does this mean there's one less slot for us? [Everyone looks at House, House in turn looks at Cuddy. Everyone looks at Cuddy.]"
+Cuddy," It's still Dr. House's department. He decides who stays, who goes..."
+House, Foreman goes!
+Cuddy, But Dr. Foreman will be my eyes and ears. You do nothing without his knowledge. [Starts to leave.]
+House," Oh, uh, just in case I need them, where exactly will Dr. Foreman be keeping my balls? [Foreman rolls his eyes and looks at Cuddy, who smiles and leaves.] If you want to keep your jobs, that nEver happened. The only way to get the cat burglar is to catch him in the act. Give the Patient a methacholine challenge, see if it sets off laryngospasm."
+BRENNAN, You want us to stop his breathing?
+House," Well, only until you can figure out why. After that it'd be irresponsible. [The numbers leave, Foreman stays.] You and I should talk."
+Foreman," I'm sorry, she didn't have to do that publicly."
+House," Yes she did! She had to establish her dominance in front of them, limit my power."
+Foreman, There's nothing we can do.
+House," Well, that's not the nEver-say-nEver Dr. Foreman I know. There's lots we can do."
+Foreman," Not really, Cuddy won't..."
+House, I can make you miserable.
+Foreman, That's true.
+House," Until you quit, again. So why don't we just skip the middleMan?"
+Foreman, I'm not quitting.
+House," My god, not Everything's about you, and your little job, and your little world. This is about restoring order in the universe."
+Foreman, I'm not quitting.
+House, You're going to be miserable.
+Foreman, I already am miserable. [Leaves.]
+Amber," Cuddy obviously thinks we're idiots, she's not going to let House hire any one of us."
+BRENNAN, Tidal volume's holding at 1.2 litres. Increase the dose.
+Amber, So which master do we serve? Whose ass do we have to kiss to get this job?
+BRENNAN, You really want this job so bad? How about you try doing this job? Double the dose
+Patient, [Spits out the tube in his mouth.] My foot's tingling. Is that normal?
+BRENNAN, [Talks into the microphone.] No. What exactly does it...
+Patient, And my stomach's killing me. Could this test cause that stuff?
+Amber, [In the microphone.] No.
+Amber, Test was a bust.
+Chase, Amber has moved down to Even money.
+Amber, We found two new symptoms.
+Chase, Oh. Back to 2-1.
+Amber, What's going on?
+Kutner, You're the favourite.
+Amber, House's?
+Kutner, To get fired.
+Chase, You can bet against yourself. Lovely parting gift.
+Amber, What's the limit?
+Chase, Isn't one.
+Amber, 500 on Kutner.
+Kutner," Oh, 1000 on Amber."
+Amber, Do you take cheques?
+Chase, No.
+Foreman," How do we connect abdominal pain, and numbness in the extremities, with respiratory collapse?"
+BRENNAN, Dissecting aortic aneurysm.
+Foreman, Doesn't cover all three. What else?
+House," Carry on, he's the boss. [Sits down between 13 and Kutner.]"
+Taub," Uh, what about a spinal cord lesion?"
+Foreman, Have to be in the brain stem and it still doesn't explain the lungs.
+House," Weird, though... That he's the boss. Didn't he quit recently? Was it a money issue?"
+Foreman," Lungs, stomach, numbness?"
+House," No that wasn't it, it was something else... Was it bling account? Med plan didn't cover tattoo removal?"
+Foreman, We have to unify these symptoms.
+House, Oh! I remember. You don't want to turn into me. Right? You didn't want to become evil.
+Foreman, Can we stick to the medicine here?
+House," Absolutely. I'm just flattered. In a few short weeks, seems like I've just turned towards the light. I mean... either that or you've sold your soul."
+Foreman, Multiple marantic emboli could...
+House," Get a raise? 'Cause then you're a whore. Or didn't you? 'Cause then you're a stupid whore. [House's pager goes off.] Patient just crashed. [Everyone just sits there.] Can they go, boss? [Foreman nods. They run off.]"
+Foreman, You're right.
+House, But?
+Foreman, No but. You're right about all of it.
+House," Well, then, I'll see you at the reunion. [Stands up to leave.]"
+Foreman," It seems I didn't get out of here soon enough. The world thinks I've been corrupted, so no one will hire me. I hate being here. I'd love to quit... but I can't. [Foreman leaves.]"
+Kutner, Must be another respiratory collapse. Means this is our chance to prove laryngospasm.
+Amber, We need to tube him and bag him.
+Kutner," We will, right after we figure out..."
+Amber," If we just let him die, it doesn't matter what he has."
+Kutner," Brennan, tilt his head back so I can get a straight shot."
+Amber," Okay, while you're killing him... I'll get the intubation kit."
+House, I decided you're right. You're obviously in an impossible position. There's no point in me humiliating you.
+Foreman, Thanks.
+House," So I'm going to humiliate Cuddy, until she fires you."
+Foreman, Guy's faking. It's Munchausen's. You notice the EMT run sheet? [Hands a file to House.] Paramedic who brought him in is also named Martin Harris.
+House," Well. [Cole runs past.] If the name was Attila Von Weinerschnitzel, I'd say you might be on to something."
+Foreman," Look. [Points to the white board listing all the Patients.] Room 406, abdominal pain. Room 403, left-sided numbness. 402, syncope. He's copying his neighbours' symptoms."
+House, [Studies the board.] No.
+Foreman," Yeah, coincidence is much more likely than you being a stubborn jerk."
+House," Munchausen's Patients create symptoms, not names."
+Foreman, Munchausen's Patients have medical histories they don't want us reading.
+Taub, No laryngeal spasm.
+Foreman, See? Nothing's wrong with him.
+House," He's in a lab coat. Munchausen's pretend to be Patients, not doctors. He's got mirror syndrome."
+Foreman, Giovannini's?
+House," Do you know another mirror syndrome? Brain's got no idea who he is, where he is or what he is. But it fills the holes with whatEver dirt's lying around. He reads a name tag, he's got a name. Sees a doctor, he's got a job. Sees symptoms, he's got a pRoblem."
+Foreman, My explanation's simpler.
+House," Well if it's simple, then we discharge the nut bar. But if it's compliCated, then the nut bar has got brain damage."
+Foreman, So we let him jerk them around for a few days until we're sure?
+House," No, we let him jerk you around. There's a faster way."
+House, Mind if we play through?
+Wilson," Sure, what could possibly go wrong?"
+House," What's going on here, Martin?"
+Patient, Operation?
+Wilson," House, who is this guy?"
+House," Excellent question. Who are you, Martin? [Patient opens his mouth to talk but says nothing.] He just likes to watch, do stuff."
+Wilson," Number ten scalpel for initial incision. Glad you're here, House."
+House, Of course you are. [To the Patient.] It's lecture time.
+Wilson," Yeah, it is. Stop worrying about the power play."
+House," Was that it? I think you can go a lot deeper here. I mean, WHY am I so obsessed by all of this?"
+Wilson," You're threatened by Foreman and feel the need to impress Cuddy. The only thing that's relevant is Foreman is a good doctor. He can help you, lighten the load."
+House, Good idea. I'll have him sort my mail.
+Patient, Sure! Deflect.
+Wilson, Who is this guy?!
+House, I think we just found out.
+Patient," It's all about Cuddy. Got to be the alpha dog. [House smiles.] Can almost smell the pheromones now, huh?"
+Wilson, I like him.
+Patient, Hah.
+House, [Looks up at Foreman in the observation room as the Patient grabs a scalpel.] Told you I didn't need you.
+Foreman," House! [House stops the Patient just before he starts operating on the person. House notices something wrong with the Patient's hand and pulls off the glove. The hand looks freaky, can see all the veins through the skin.]"
+Wilson," House, what is going on?"
+House, [Cuts the Patient's hand with a scalpel]
+Patient, Owww! [Cut barely bleeds.]
+House," Your blood's turned to sludge. If we don't heat you up, you're going to die. [Looks up at Foreman.] Can't fake that!"
+House," Mirror syndrome Patients have no agenda, no axe to grind. They can read you because they have to. Moods, attitudes, Everything. They're like mind readers. Except they can read your mind."
+Foreman, Where are we going?
+House," Unfortunately, we have to cure him. His hand wasn't black when he came in, the operating room was sterile, the only thing different was the temperature. Cold agglutinins means..."
+Amber, It's got to be some kind of infection.
+COLE," No fEver, so it's got to be a tiny infection, hard to find."
+House," You'd better find it fast. This guy feels another cool breeze, his blood turns to slop and he drops. [Walks into the cafeteria.] I need three ways to pinpoint infection."
+Kutner, Blood cultures.
+House, Blood's clumpy. Nothing you can do with it.
+Kutner, Unless we soak him in warm water before we draw it.
+House," Good, what else?"
+Taub," Ultrasound his abdomen, look for an abscess."
+House," Good. [House stands on a chair.] Uh, ladies and gentlemen, I have a regrettable announcement. Kitchen has just learned that our annual shipment of mayonnaise was improperly stored, so anybody who ate... well, the food, should head across the lobby to the clinic right away. Ask for Dr. Cuddy. [Everyone starts to leave.]"
+Foreman," You're not punishing Cuddy, you're punishing Every doctor in the building."
+House," It's her building, her doctors. Still need one more."
+COLE," Well, we need to find out his history. Where he's been, what he's done."
+BRENNAN," Yeah he has no memory, but his bio's tattooed to his rear?"
+Foreman, [Gets up on the chair.] The mayo is fine. You can stay where you are. I'm a doctor.
+House, Mail order. I've seen the diplomas. Two N's in university. [Everyone continues to leave.] Big Love was right. History's the key.
+BRENNAN," No ID, no wallet. No missing persons report filed for a hundred miles."
+House," The key is the key. He had car keys in his pocket when he was admitted. [To Amber.] Keep him in the isolation room, so he doesn't pick up extreme bitch syndrome from one of the nurses. [To 13.] Run the ultrasound [To Taub.] and the blood cultures."
+Kutner, The cultures were my idea.
+House," No one's keeping score... You're losing. [To Cole.] Search the street where he was mugged, find the car and the registration."
+COLE, There could be thousands of cars. Why do I get this assignment?
+House," Because if you deal with the Patient, he's going to wind up singing Osmond songs and proposing to five nurses at once."
+House, Ooh. We have a love connection. [House leaves.]
+Amber, Make a fist... Little pinch. [Starts to draw blood.]
+Patient," Wow, that's a strong pinch."
+Amber," This thing works, you're lucky you've got me. My colleague wanted to cook you in boiling water. [Pulls out the vial of blood and looks at it.]"
+Patient," That's right, baby. My blood's that good."
+Amber," That's supposed to be me, right?"
+Patient, No. That's me. I'm always right. Got to be.
+Amber, I don't think I'm always...
+Patient," If they don't like you, you got to be right, or you're not worth anything."
+Taub, Infections can hide deep beneath the skin. This will find them.
+Patient, Who was that last doctor?
+Taub, Dr. Amber.
+Patient, Don't really need her name.
+Taub," [Smiles, looks at the screen then back at the Patient.] Wait. You saying that... You... I want--her?"
+Patient, Don't know what you want. Don't care what you want.
+Taub, I'm married.
+Patient, So am I.
+Taub," Even if I wasn't, She's a little too, uh... aggressive for me."
+Patient, Hey. Aggressive is nEver a bad thing.
+Taub," [Smiles.] Yeah, true. [Patient laughs and gives Taub a high five. Taub sees something on the screen.] I'm done."
+Patient, You okay?
+Taub, Yeah. We've got to run some more tests. You can clean yourself up. [Hands him a cloth.]
+Wilson, Lesion on the liver. Cystic or solid?
+House, Solid.
+Wilson," Well, you certainly did the right thing by coming to me."
+House," Yes, I needed a smug oncologist..."
+Wilson, An authoritative oncologist.
+House, I hate you. Tell me why.
+Wilson," I've been scanning literature, very interesting study in Sweden. Apparently, Giovannini's Patients mimic whoEver they think's in charge."
+House, Any country with that low an age of consent and that high a rate of suicide isn't thinking straight.
+Wilson, I am in charge of our relationship.
+House, It was a surgery. You were the surgeon. In that setting...
+Wilson, You would pick up my laundry if I asked you to.
+House," Go ahead, ask."
+Wilson," Oh, I wouldn't do that to you."
+House, I want all my personal private doctors back right now. Except for Foreman.
+Cuddy," Your team, Foreman included, is dealing with the great mayonnaise panic of 2007. Frankly, I'm worried it might spread to other continents."
+House, Lesion on the liver. Possibility... Why are you doing a pelvic for food poisoning?
+Kutner, She said her hoo hoo burned.
+House," Lesion on the liver, ideas?"
+Amber, Start with a biopsy to rule out cancer.
+Kutner, [From the other room.] Could be an abscess.
+Amber, Needle works for that too.
+BRENNAN," [Walking past.] Unless it's a vascular heMangioma. Aspirate that, he'll bleed out, we'll kill him."
+House, If he bleeds out we'll know what he had.
+Amber, Had?
+House, Two diagnoses out of three he lives. We do nothing three out of three he dies. [To Brennan.] Go stick his liver.
+Taub, Where's Foreman? We should...
+House, You need him to draft your letter of resignation?
+Taub, You risking our Patient's life to get back at Cuddy?
+House," What? No, that would be Parkldish. This is what I'm doing to get back at Cuddy. [Turns around to the clinic full of people.] Who here doesn't have any health insurance? [A bunch of people stick up their hand.] Michael Moore was right. MRI's, pet scans, neuro-psych tests, private rooms for all these Patients. Fight the power!"
+BRENNAN," Sorry, I missed. [Pulls the needle back out.] I have to reposition the needle. You're going to feel another pinch. [Patient groans.] You still with me?"
+Patient, I'm here.
+BRENNAN, You feeling faint?
+Patient, No.
+BRENNAN, What's wrong?
+Patient, It's personal.
+BRENNAN, [Raises his eyebrows.] You got personal pRoblems? You've got no memory.
+Patient, I'm in a hospital. I don't want to be in a hospital. [Brennan sticks the needle back in.]
+BRENNAN," Well... you're sick, so..."
+Patient," I'm bored. You ask what's wrong, then you ignore the answer, just go on with what you're doing. You think Everything's okay as long as you don't think about it, don't deal with it. [Brennan stares at the fluid in the syringe.] Is that blood?"
+BRENNAN, I think it's pus from a fungus.
+Patient, I have fungus in me?
+BRENNAN," If you've been in the tropics in the last few months. I saw this in tsunami survivors. Their skin grafts would ooze black pus, sometimes weeks later. Traced the fungus back to the sand in the tsunami tides."
+Patient, [Impressed.] That's so cool.
+BRENNAN," I think the black pus is fungal. If I'm right, that's where the cold agglutinins are coming from, that's what's driving his memory loss. Amber's putting him on amphotericin, it will cure him."
+House, This makes no sense.
+BRENNAN," I'm doing blood tests to be sure, but the sooner we get him on..."
+House, I'm not talking about the infection. I'm talking about you letting Tonya Harding administer the treatment.
+BRENNAN, I'm out of the game.
+House, Why?
+BRENNAN," A couple of weeks ago you named me grumpy, said I didn't want to be here, I wanted to be back in the Third world."
+House, And you realised I'm right just now?
+BRENNAN, I got a confirmation.
+House, The Patient's nuts.
+BRENNAN, The Patient's... unbiased. The Patient has no axe to grind.
+House, The Patient is nuts.
+BRENNAN," I miss my old life helping people who barely have clean water, let alone the kind of medicines we waste by the SUV load."
+House," You're nuts. You're going to be miserable, at home, at work, somewhere. The goal in life is not to eliminate misery, it's to keep misery to the minimum."
+BRENNAN," Oh, that's inspiring."
+House, You said you came back to get married. What does your fianc�e do?
+BRENNAN, She's a court reporter.
+House," Uh-huh, well I'm sure Thailand will have courts any day now. Someone's going to be miserable sometime. Accept it. It's how I stay so happy."
+BRENNAN, Why do you care if I stay?
+House, You're good. Don't screw it up just because you're miserable.
+BRENNAN, I'm going to--stay until the Patient's cured. Which should be in about... an hour. [Leaves.]
+Kutner, You okay?
+Patient, Not okay.
+Amber, Which one of us is he mirroring?
+Kutner," Well if it was you, he'd be inflicting pain on someone else, so... [Pulls the sheets off his bed. The Patients legs look like his hand did earlier in the OR.] I'd say he's mimicking whichEver"
+Kutner," Heating blanket wasn't keeping him warm enough. Ordered a whirlpool, got his blood flowing. So far, it's keeping his rash at bay."
+House, Rash worse equals cold agglutinins worse. Means what was in his liver wasn't fungus.
+BRENNAN," Yeah, labs confirmed..."
+Amber," That it wasn't Even pus, it was just coagulated blood caused by the cold agglutinins."
+House, Which you [Points at Brennan] mistook for a cool fungus that you saw after the tsunami.
+BRENNAN, Same consistency...
+House," You saw what you wanted to see, not what was there. Wait a second. Didn't you quit?"
+BRENNAN," I spoke to my fianc�e, I'm staying."
+House, Of course you are. Because you're the exact right amount of miserable.
+Foreman, Broad spectrum antibiotics aren't working. It's got to be viral or exotic bacteria.
+Taub, There are a thousand micRobes it could be.
+Kutner," We could repeat all the cultures, maybe we just missed it."
+House, Or... we can get an accurate history. [Dials a number on his phone.]
+House," Well, that'll be a good solace to the widow X."
+House," That's why I sent two of you. One of you breaks in, the other posts bail."
+House," Not a pRoblem. You know how to kill dogs, right?"
+Foreman," So, back to repeating all the cultures."
+House, Or... we get an accurate history.
+Taub, Didn't we just rule out that possibility?
+House," You guys Ever heard any of my metaphors yet? Come on. [Sits down on the edge of the desk.] Sit on grandpa's lap as I tell you how infections are criminals, the immune system's the police... Seriously, grumpy, get up here. [Pats the desk beside him.] It'll make us both happy. [Brennan looks unsure of whether to go or not but stays put.] Anyway, cops don't just let crooks run free. They keep fingerprints, mug shots. The immune system does the same thing, only it calls them antibodies. We find out what diseases he's had in his life, good chance that'll tell us where he's been in his life. Alice. [Points to Kutner.] Your turn through the looking glass. Draw blood and CSF."
+Foreman," Wait, guys. I haven't signed off on this. [Everyone stops, looks at Foreman, then looks at House, who is ignoring them, then they leave, except for Taub who walks up to Foreman.]"
+Taub," You seem like a good guy, Cuddy seems decent. House... doesn't. It means either you're going to give in, or Cuddy is. Either way... I'm sorry. [Leaves.]"
+Foreman, Your boyfriend has me at Even odds.
+Cameron, So... Talk to him.
+Foreman, I did. He said he's just responding to market forces.
+Cameron, He is. I got a hundred on you. [Foreman rolls his eyes and starts to walk away.] What do you care what other people are betting on?
+Foreman, If he's trying to screw with me because he's jealous Cuddy didn't ask him to take this job...
+Cameron, Right. You're figuring he's jealous of your misery.
+Foreman, He's messed up enough to...
+Cameron, The pRoblem is you're not miserable.
+Foreman, Then House has been wasting a lot of time.
+Cameron," You've been humiliated, treated like crap. You've Every right to be miserable, but you're not, because Even though this job is insane and House is insane, you like it. You always have."
+Foreman, You know what's worse than a sanctimonious speech? A sanctimonious speech that's dead wrong.
+Cameron, See? You belong with House.
+Kutner, We're going to use your spinal fluid to tell us where you lived.
+Patient, Cool.
+Kutner," Not really. It's a poor substitute for an actual history, and without..."
+Patient," Nah, it's cool."
+Kutner," [Smiles.] Yes, it is. I need you to stay as still as possible. Ignore the pain."
+Patient, Bring the pain. [Grimaces.]
+Kutner, I'm not a masoParkst.
+Patient, Neither am I.
+Kutner," I know, but I was responding to you responding to... NEver mind. I just like experience. If it's new, it's interesting."
+Patient," Yeah? Not me. I don't just like new. I've got to have new. If it's not there, I make it there."
+Kutner," Really, I'm just easily bored."
+Patient," There are 300 million people in this country. If I'm doing exactly what Everyone else is doing, then who the hell am I? You know what I mean?"
+Kutner, I'm just about finished.
+Patient, I like hot tubs. They're nice.
+Cuddy, You don't knock?
+Wilson, Are you putting KY jelly on his phone receiver? An exploding snake in his drawer?
+Cuddy, No. I'm replacing his Vicodin stash with laxatives.
+Wilson, Don't. Don't stoop to his lEvel.
+Cuddy," Why? Because he's suddenly going to realise he's no longer 14? Either I take his garbage forEver, or I give him a reason to stop."
+Wilson, You don't have to make him miserable. Just... make him think that he's won.
+Cuddy, I'm not going to fire Foreman.
+Wilson, I said THINK he's won. Find some other way to soothe his ego. The thing's big enough. You must be able to find some corner to polish.
+Cuddy, [Putting away the pills.] Where were you two hours ago?
+Wilson, Where were you?
+House, What do you have?
+BRENNAN, High titers to histoplasmosis.
+House, PRobably lived in the Ohio river valley.
+BRENNAN, Also weakly positive on coccidiomycosis.
+House, Weak means older. Means he moved to Ohio from the San Joaquin valley.
+Foreman, Or he happened to visit California.
+BRENNAN, He's also positive for Chagas disease.
+House, Central America.
+Foreman, Or he kissed his maid from El Salvador. Or he sat next to someone from Belize on a flight to Weehawken or he ate lettuce from Honduras...
+House," Yes! You're right, buzz kill. This tells us next to nothing. But since that's on the something side of nothing, thought we'd go with it."
+Kutner, His rash is back. Hot tub isn't hot enough to keep his body warm.
+House, So we take his body out of the picture. Let's hit it from the inside. Lipopolysaccharide.
+Foreman," LPS won't just give him a fEver. He could hit 110, fry his brain."
+House, Or make him just toasty enough to keep his blood flowing free. Like my bowels. You smell that? Not going to get sweeter.
+Foreman, You nailed Brennan for seeing what he wanted to see. You're no different.
+House, But you are. You used to like this stuff. You left here because you didn't like what you were turning into. You like who you are now? You like being Cuddy's errand boy? [Flushes as Foreman leaves.] That was just a courtesy flush. I'm not actually done.
+Cuddy, You want to induce a fEver?
+House," Unless you're willing to don a white T-shirt and hop into the hot tub with him, I need another way to keep him warm, or he dies."
+Cuddy, You could maim him.
+House, I could cure him.
+Cuddy, I'm not letting you do it.
+House, Are you going to fire me?
+Cuddy, No. [House walks away.]
+House," Wait a second. What the hell was that? You were won over by my soaring rhetoric? I basically just threatened to hold my breath... You nEver intended to stop me. You just pretended to stop me, so you could pretend to fail to stop me, so you could stroke my ego. Uh-Uh. War doesn't end till Foreman's gone."
+Cuddy, Foreman's not going anywhere.
+House, And... I know when my Vicodin isn't Vicodin. Do you know when your birth control pills aren't birth control pills? [Leaves Cuddy looking worried.]
+Foreman," If we can keep your fEver up, we can get you back on dry land. You feeling okay?"
+Patient," Surprisingly, yeah, I feel pretty good."
+Foreman, That's not the way fEvers usually work.
+Patient, Nothing around here works the way it's supposed to work.
+Foreman, No kidding.
+Patient, You're giving me a fEver. Doctors don't give people fEvers.
+Foreman, It was necessary to keep your blood flowing.
+Patient," Yeah. It was necessary. And that was all that mattered. It's exciting, isn't it?"
+Foreman, You're happy?
+Patient, [Laughs.] Why wouldn't I be? [Collapses. Monitors go off.]
+Foreman," Oh hey. [Feels for a pulse.] Hey, you with me? [Runs to the door.] I need help in here! [Two nurses, Taub and Kutner come running in.] V-fib. We've got to shock him."
+Taub, Get him out of the water.
+Kutner, How long's he been out?
+Foreman, Just a few seconds. [They pull him out of the tub and onto the bed and start trying to dry him.]
+Kutner, He's dry enough.
+Taub, Not yet!
+Kutner, Dry faster.
+Foreman, Ten more seconds.
+Kutner," He'll get brain damage, you need..."
+Foreman," Kutner, you'll arc it..."
+Taub, Wait.
+Kutner, He's dry enough. Clear. [Shocks the Patient and goes flying backwards.]
+Taub, [Feeling the Patient for a pulse.] It worked.
+Foreman, For one of them. [Looks at Kutner who is unconscious on the floor.]
+Taub, Cardiac arrest. We were able to shock him back to a normal sinus rhythm and Kutner nearly into a coma.
+House, So now you've electrocuted yourself and set a Patient on fire. I like the dedication.
+Kutner, Thank you.
+Taub, It wasn't a compliment.
+House," Yeah, it was. The insult comes now. You're insane! You either have an aversion to towels, or you want pain. I think both. I'm thinking it goes back to high school gym..."
+Foreman, Anybody think we should discuss which infection is causing the cold agglutinins before they stop his heart again?
+House," Sure, why not?"
+Taub," Until they find his car, we have to assume he's travelled to Ohio, California, Central America, and possibly Weehawken."
+Amber, Nothing on the blood cultures.
+House, Do them again. Quadruple run time. [Everyone starts to get up.]
+Foreman," We know the infection is in his heart. We do a biopsy, we see polys, we got bacterial. Lymphs, we got viral."
+BRENNAN, He just had a heart attack. Ripping out a piece might kill him.
+Foreman," Yeah, yeah... We biopsy his toe instead!"
+House," No! That's a terrible idea. Won't tell us anything. Biopsy his heart. Come on, I'll join you."
+House, I got you a job. Mount Zion hospital in Boston.
+Foreman, They have a great diagnostics department.
+House, Gilchrist said he'd take you anyway.
+Foreman, That was... Very nice of you.
+House," Oh, god. Does Everything have to be about you? It's simple math. I'm not going to back down. You're not going to back down. Cuddy's not going to back down. No one's going to be happy here. And Cuddy's going to end up pregnant. [Elevator dings.]"
+Foreman, What? [The exit the elevator.]
+House, Doesn't matter.
+Foreman, Are you saying? What does you having sex with...
+House, Starts Monday. I could help you pack.
+Foreman, I don't want the job. [House stops walking.]
+House, What? Why not? You're miserable.
+Foreman, Apparently not.
+House," Well, you're gonna be. [Foreman smiles.] Are you smiling?"
+Foreman, No.
+House, Do your own stupid biopsy.
+COLE, Here's Everything he had in his trunk and in his glove box.
+House, [Looks inside the box.] No need for the heart biopsy. I now know exactly who he is and what he has. You saved his life.
+COLE, Really?
+House," No, you idiot. It's vapour rub and lunch receipts."
+COLE," We have his name. We can find his doctor, get his medical records."
+House," It's 8:00 at night. The biopsy will be faster. Not fast enough to save him, but that's hardly the point. [13 and Cole start to leave.] Thirteen. [They both turn around.] [To Cole.] Is your name Thirteen? [Cole leaves.] Why did you volunteer to go street walking?"
+House, A black Mormon could help that way. There's no reason for you to want to be there. Which means there's a reason you didn't want to be here. Didn't want to look in the mirror?
+House, Hi. Cuddy called. She needs you to iron her shirts. We'll take over. [Pushes 13 forward.] Go ahead. [Motions for Foreman to leave. He does so. 13 moves close to the Patient while still putting her gloves on.] Talk to him.
+House, Come on. Make him feel comfortable.
+Patient, My god. You are incredibly hot.
+House," I'm not here, deal with her. [13 smiles.]"
+Patient, Are you an idiot? Do you not think she's hot?
+House, I'm not the alpha here. She is. She's my boss.
+House, Increase the drip. If... you think that's the right thing to do.
+Patient, This is so frustrating.
+House," Hey. Get in there, see how he's doing."
+Kutner, You were just in there.
+House," Well, apparently, it's impossible to see anything else while I'm in there. I'm a blinding white hot light of power."
+Patient, I'm scared.
+Patient," No. No, it's not."
+House," No, I'm not interested in how he's doing. I'm interested in how she's doing. So get in there and tell me how he's doing."
+Kutner, You think he'll mimic her if I'm in there with her?
+House," You're a powerful, dominating Man, but who knows?"
+Kutner, So I'm going to get fired before her.
+House," Yes, you're going to get fired right now unless you get in there... [13 walks out.]"
+House, And how is he?
+House, I know. But how is he? Bitter? Sexually frustrated?
+Kutner, He needs the meds and the tub. Just to keep him stable.
+House, Fine. Soak him again.
+Kutner, He'll be happy. Loves hot tubs.
+House," No, you love hot tubs. Find the rest of the gang, tell them to meet me at the lecture hall."
+Kutner, [Mumbles.] Hate hot tubs.
+House, What did you say?
+Kutner, I hate...
+House, He likes. Who else was in there?
+Kutner, No-one.
+House, You didn't think to mention that?
+Kutner," The guy likes warm, swirling water. I didn't know that was diagnostic."
+House," It's not. What it is, is the water hit him and he had a thought. Not about you, but about him. We need to splash him some more."
+Patient, Do I know you?
+House, You look familiar.
+Patient, You too.
+House," My name's Robert Elliot. I'm from Hamilton, Ohio."
+Patient, Me too. What do you do?
+House, Stuff.
+Patient, Me too.
+House, What brings you to New Jersey? Is it work or vacation?
+Patient, Uh... Work.
+House, What type of work?
+Patient, I'm tired.
+House, I eat out a lot. In a lot of restaurants. [Opens the box starts pulling out receipts.] Knotty Pine. RitParkes.
+Patient, I know those places.
+House," They're good, huh?"
+Patient, They're convenient.
+House, For what?
+Patient, They're on the road.
+House, You on the road a lot?
+Patient, No more than you I suppose.
+House, [Pulls out the vapour rub.] You Ever use this stuff? I use it all the time. [Smells it.]
+Patient, I use it all the time.
+House," Yeah. I just said that. You know, the cool thing about this stuff is... You can do a lot with it. Soften your skin, treat scrapes. Naughty stuff. [House holds it out for the Patient. The Patient takes it and rubs some under his nose then breathes in deeply.] Why did you do that?"
+Patient, Because... It doesn't smell like dung.
+House, You're saying you like the smell?
+Patient, Not really. Just doesn't smell like dung.
+House, Something else does smell like dung?
+Patient, Yeah. Dung.
+House," You guys ready? Now is the time you stare at me, in slack-jawed amazement. He sells farm equipment. [They look surprised.] See? Pig lagoons, pig farms. [Takes off the jacket.] And, as Every Parkld knows, where you have pigs, you have pig poo. [Roughs up his hair.] But as very few Parkldren know, where you have pig poo, you have eperythrozoon infection."
+House," This time tomorrow, he'll be back to his old self. WhoEver that might be."
+Foreman, It can wait.
+Kutner, He has a temperature of 107.
+Foreman, It can wait 15 minutes. [To House.] You know where Cuddy is?
+Cuddy," Hi, I'm the Dean of Medicine."
+House," Hi, I'm the guy who saved your life."
+Wilson, So what if it's House?
+Foreman, Then I take the job at Mount Zion.
+Wilson, There is no job at Mount Zion.
+Foreman, House said that...
+Wilson," Well if House said it, it must be true."
+Cuddy, I can fire him. I can fire him now. I can fire him tomorrow. I don't Even need a reason.
+House," She doesn't fire me, she nEver will fire me, she needs me."
+Cuddy," He's a good doctor. That's all. I respect his expertise, and I..."
+House, She's hot for me. Always...
+Patient, Shut up!
+Cuddy," Well, that could have been either of us."
+Patient, [Looks at Cuddy.] You have great yabos. [House looks at Cuddy.]
+Cuddy, That still could have been either of us. [Looks at House.]
+House, You lose.
+Cuddy, Seriously... [House starts celebrating.] I have always thought my breasts were one of my best features.
+Foreman, Damn. [House continues celebrating.]
+House," You all suck. The two of you, [Points to Cole and 13] took 14 hours to find a car. You, [Kutner.] forgot to mention that the guy with no memory, had memories. You [Brennan.] keep on thinking, that insane guys have hidden wisdom. You're going to wind up shooting people on the subway. [Looks at the other two.] Something."
+Taub," So, which one of us sucks the most?"
+House, It's a tie.
+Amber, Between?
+House, All of you.
+Amber, We're all fired?
+House," None of you are fired. [The numbers breathe a big sigh of relief. Everyone standing at the back leaves disappointed, except Chase who smiles.]"
+Foreman, That was nice of you.
+House, Sure.
+Foreman, Why didn't you fire anyone?
+House, They're good doctors.
+Foreman," Right, why didn't you let Brennan quit?"
+House, He's a good doctor.
+Foreman," Right... By not letting anyone go, you made six people happy and one person happy and rich. Chase won Every one of those bets, so either you're just really nice or what's your cut?"
+House, 50%... How bad you want to keep your job?
+Foreman, I'll keep my mouth shut
+House," Hey.. You actually do want to stay, don't you?"
+Foreman, I think I do.
+House," Every one of those idiots got some insight about themselves from the pig salesMan. Not one of them did anything about it. People don't learn, they don't change, but you did. You're a freak! [Foreman laughs.]"
+S VOICE," [vo] And now, coming to the line, last year's rookie of the year, Casey Alfonso!"
+S VOICE," [vo] And in lane two, nine time national champion, Tony Cooper!"
+S VOICE, [vo] Tony's got his line down in lane two. And now Casey's approaParkng the line.
+LOU ALFONSO, [shouting over the noise] How do you feel?
+CASEY ALFONSO," [raising her helmet visor, pumped] Great."
+LOU ALFONSO, I feel like throwing up my guts.
+CASEY ALFONSO," You always feel like throwing up. Come on, Dad, let's get this digger on the line."
+LOU ALFONSO, You sure you don't wanna go to law school?
+CASEY ALFONSO, I hate Lawyers.
+LOU ALFONSO," [that's what he wants to hear] Yeah, so do I. Go get 'em, baby!"
+S VOICE," [vo] Okay, looks like we're ready to go. Let's hear it, folks!"
+S POV," Her hands on the steering wheel, anxious to start.]"
+S POV," All of a sudden, Everything is in slow motion. Her hand ups the gear and moves to the wheel. Everything returns to normal speed shortly.]"
+S VOICE," [excited, vo] And it's Casey Alfonso by less than half a car length!"
+S VOICE, [vo] What a spectacular finish for the young phenom.
+REPORTER, Casey Alfonso with an amazing finish. What'd you do at the end there?
+CASEY ALFONSO," [breathless] Yeah, [chuckles] at about two hundred and fifty feet, the car got out of shape a bit."
+CASEY ALFONSO, [charged up] But about halfway down... I just got into the zone or something. I pedaled it back into the groove! It was the coolest ride of my life!
+REPORTER, How does it feel to beat nine-time national champion Tony Cooper?
+S POV, His head moves in slow motion.]
+CASEY ALFONSO," [still smiling, uneasy] I'm sorry. Can you repeat that?"
+S POV," She looks towards her ecstatic father, jumping for joy, and walking over, in slow motion.]"
+REPORTER," [deep, slow, distorted] How does it feel to beat nine-time national champion, Tony Cooper?"
+REPORTER, [concerned] Casey! Casey! Casey!
+LOU ALFONSO," Out of the way! Out of the way. Casey. Casey! [to the guy nearby] Get the ambulance! Brian, get the ambulance!"
+LOU ALFONSO, [scared] Casey...
+House," [uninterested] Ah, sixty-eight's a good run. That'll leave something in the lockbox for the rest of us. Next!"
+JeffREY COLE, That's your breakfast?
+House," Technically, it's Wilson's lunch."
+Amber," Twenty-month-old baby, persistent rash, fEver..."
+House, [cuts her off] Too much crying.
+Taub, Female college student with...
+House, [cuts him off] Too much drama.
+Foreman, You don't care about the crying or the drama 'cause you won't see the Patient. And you'd treat Methuselah if his snot had an interesting color. It means you've already decided which case you wanna take next.
+House, Tell me about Speed Racer.
+TRAVIS BRENNAN," Female, seizure with visual and auditory processing deficiency. I did a consult and..."
+House, [interrupts] What kind of race car?
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, Dragster.
+House, [interested] Continue.
+JeffREY COLE, You're gonna take a case based on the car she drives?
+House," Nothing says ""thanks for saving my life"" like a test drive in a car that accelerates faster than a space shuttle."
+Foreman," You can't save her life, 'cause she's not dying. Her lab shows signs of dehydration. Means the pRoblem's just likely... heatstroke."
+House, Kinda hard to get heat-struck in four-and-a-half seconds.
+Foreman, Not when you're wearing a three-layer fireproof suit.
+AGENT SMITH, Excuse me.
+AGENT SMITH, [walking towards them] Dr. House?
+House," No, lazy ass called in sick again. We can give him a message."
+AGENT SMITH, May we talk in private?
+House," So... either it's heatstroke, in which case we take the afternoon off, or it's one of the diagnoses that you guys are gonna have for me in... two minutes. [to Foreman] You're in charge."
+Foreman, I know.
+Taub, Cop?
+Amber, Your dad's either a cop or a security guard.
+Kutner, Or she carries a weapon.
+House," [yeah, right] You're with the CIA?"
+AGENT SMITH, One of our employees just returned from an assignment sick. We beliEve he may be the victim of an assassination attempt.
+House, Sure. You wanna close the door?
+AGENT SMITH, [confused] Door?
+House," Well, I assume you're gonna drop trou at some point during the dance. I don't see why I should share."
+AGENT SMITH," This isn't a joke. If you're willing to help us, we need to leave now."
+House," If I have to walk somewhere, there better be at least five girls involved. And they better be working their way through college."
+House," [to the Fellows] Okay, what do you got?"
+TRAVIS BRENNAN," Hereditary brain disorder, transient ischemia, or paraneoplastic syndrome."
+Foreman, None of those go away with IV fluids. It's heatstroke.
+House, Or Cushing's or calcium deficiency.
+Kutner, [re: Agent Smith] Who's your friend?
+House," We use the term ""life partner""."
+House," Get a fresh history, neurological exam, and an MRI of her head. [following Smith out] Fifteen minutes for the lap dance, a half hour to scrub the guilt off my soul. [checks his watch] See you in forty-five."
+AGENT SMITH," Dr. House, we need to hurry."
+House," Yeah, we need to hurry."
+House," Little advice, I mean, obviously the Village People played out the whole cop thing. But, come on, CIA? Do you seriously expect anyone to beliEve that?"
+AGENT SMITH, It helps when you have props.
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, Keep your eye on my pen.
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, Very good.
+Foreman, Any nausea or vomiting before the seizure?
+CASEY ALFONSO," [shaking her head] No. My dad had some, but he's always like that before a race."
+Foreman, It coulda been food poisoning. You two eat breakfast together?
+CASEY ALFONSO, No.
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, Any history of sciatica or spinal injury?
+CASEY ALFONSO, No.
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, [to Foreman] Abnormal deep tendon reflex.
+Foreman, Really? Let me see.
+Foreman, It's there.
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, I didn't say it wasn't there. I said it was abnormal.
+Foreman," We're gonna give you an MRI to be sure, but I'm guessing your symptoms were caused by just dehydration and the heat."
+CASEY ALFONSO," [wide-eyed] You're guessing? Look, I make a living driving three hundred miles an hour, which makes the ability to stay conscious kind of important."
+Foreman, [comforting] I'm sure it's just heatstroke. But we're gonna do an MRI to be extra careful.
+AGENT SMITH, You said you left your cell in your office.
+House, I lied.
+AGENT SMITH," [smiles wryly] I wasn't going to take it, just tell you to turn it off for takeoff."
+House, I know... just wanted to see if you could tell that I was lying. Useful information.
+House, [into phone] Yeah?
+Foreman, Where are you?
+House, I'm on a top-secret mission for the CIA.
+Foreman," [deadpan] Right. There was nothing on your racecar driver's CT, and the history and physical were normal."
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, Her deep tendon reflexes seemed a bit weak to me.
+House, [from phone] Areflexia could mean Miller-Fisher.
+Foreman," Yes, areflexia could mean Miller-Fisher, but since the reflex was weak, not absent, doesn't mean anything. I'm releasing her. You can go back to your poker game."
+House, [into phone] Poker's illegal. CIA would nEver allow illegal activity...
+Foreman, [into phone] Why? What happened?
+[CG POV," The camera zooms into her eye, past the optic nerve (through which electrical impulses travel at regular intervals. Inside, the eyeball oscillates jerkily. Then it stops.]"
+Foreman," [to Casey] We think it's Miller-Fisher, an inflammatory process. In rare cases, it can cause respiratory failure, but..."
+LOU ALFONSO," Wait, she could stop breathing?"
+CASEY ALFONSO, You said there was nothing wrong. You said you were sure.
+Foreman," You just had another seizure. Clearly, there's something wrong."
+CASEY ALFONSO, So why should I trust you to figure out what it is? [sits up in bed] Where's Dr. House? I'm at this hospital bec...
+Foreman, It's gonna be all right. We just need to start the plasmapheresis.
+CASEY ALFONSO," No! It's not going to be all right, because you obviously don't have a clue what you're doing."
+CASEY ALFONSO, I'm not letting you touch me.
+LOU ALFONSO," [trying to stop her] Honey, come on."
+CASEY ALFONSO, I wanna see House! Where is he?
+House, [re: the hospital] Looks a lot better on '24'.
+House, [to Smith] I take that back.
+SAMIRA TERZI," Dr. Samira Terzi. It's a pleasure to meet you, Dr. House. We really appreciate the consult on such short notice."
+House, There's nothing that gives me more pleasure than helping out a colleague.
+SAMIRA TERZI, This is Dr. Sidney Curtis from the Mayo Clinic. He's also agreed to help with the diagnosis.
+SIDNEY CURTIS, [holding out his hand] Dr. House.
+House," ""Curtis on Immunology"" Sidney Curtis?"
+SIDNEY CURTIS," [pleased] Oh, you've read it?"
+House, Nope! But it is keeping my piano lEvel.
+House," So... where is the poor, sick fella?"
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, What do we do?
+Foreman, I don't know yet.
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, She needs treatment.
+Amber," This is a test, right? You're reporting back to him Everything we do."
+Foreman," [deadpan] Yeah. And I asked the Patient to be uncooperative. Personally, I think she overplayed it."
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, She's being uncooperative because you made us all look like idiots.
+Foreman, We're only gonna look like idiots if we can't figure out how to get her to agree to the treatment.
+JeffREY COLE, What would House do right now?
+Kutner," [hopefully] We can do that last part. She's nEver met House before, has she? Who's got a cane?"
+Foreman, House isn't here. We're not gonna act like him.
+CASEY ALFONSO, What do you want?
+Foreman," I, uh... I'm gonna do what doctors aren't supposed to do. Admit I made a mistake. I shouldn't have been so quick to dismiss your symptoms. But you need to let us start the plasmapheresis."
+CASEY ALFONSO," [repeating, fading voice] What do you want?"
+LOU ALFONSO, Case?
+LOU ALFONSO," Honey, do you know where you are?"
+Foreman, She's burning up.
+LOU ALFONSO, Start the treatment.
+Foreman, We can't.
+LOU ALFONSO, You've got my permission. She's obviously confused.
+Foreman, It doesn't matter anymore. Miller-Fisher doesn't cause delirium and fEver. [seriously] I don't know what this is.
+SAMIRA TERZI," I'm afraid there are going to be some limitations on his medical history. Just let me know what you need, and I should be able to provide it."
+House," FYI, my malpractice insurance doesn't cover alien autopsies."
+SAMIRA TERZI, That's fine. X-Files are the next wing over.
+SIDNEY CURTIS, Where was the Patient when he first felt ill?
+SAMIRA TERZI," Sorry, that's classified. But assume there aren't too Many places in the world John hasn't been. And, yes, John's a cover name."
+SIDNEY CURTIS, And what makes you think it was an attempt on his life?
+SAMIRA TERZI," Sorry, can't tell you that either."
+SIDNEY CURTIS," Well, what can you tell us?"
+House," Yeah, did Oswald really have sex with Marilyn Monroe?"
+SIDNEY CURTIS, [shocked] Good Lord.
+House, [to Curtis] Very professional.
+SAMIRA TERZI," Five days ago, he was 185 pounds. Perfect health."
+House, Cool.
+ on which is written," ""SEIZURE / VISUAL AND AUDITORY / PROCESSING DEFICIENCY / INTERMITTENT NYSTAGMUS / AREFLEXIA..."". He turns to them.]"
+Foreman, FEver and delirium rule out...
+Foreman," Uh, he's not gonna hire you just because you call him the most. Especially since it's obvious he doesn't wanna be called."
+Foreman, Symptoms rule out Miller-Fisher. MS fits better.
+JeffREY COLE, Progression's too fast. More likely meningitis.
+Foreman, Areflexia doesn't fit as well with...
+Taub, That's Even slower than MS. It's lupus.
+Amber, I'm with the little Man [Taub] on this one. It's attacking the body and the brain. Classic autoimmune.
+Taub," [to Amber] Flirt all you want, but I should warn you - shiksas are for practice."
+Foreman, Lupus this aggressive wouldn't spare her kidneys. It's primarily neurological. Let's start her on...
+TRAVIS BRENNAN," [interrupting, looking at MRI] Why no plaques on her MRI?"
+Foreman, MRI was inconclusive. So I don't know why...
+TRAVIS BRENNAN," [walking up to him, confrontational] So now you're sure that it's MS. Just like you were sure it was Miller-Fisher an hour after you were sure it was heatstroke."
+Foreman, The symptoms fit. Start her on interferon.
+Kutner, We're not gonna score any points with House if we solve this just by running your errands.
+Foreman, I get that you want to be right.
+JeffREY COLE, You don't?
+Foreman," I'm just trying to save the Patient, not score points with my boss."
+Foreman, You've got three hours.
+SAMIRA TERZI," We've run six complete tox screens, tested for Every heavy metal, poison, and biological agent we can think of."
+SIDNEY CURTIS, Says here he ate a lot of chestnuts.
+House," Ho-o-old on a second. If the Squirrel Liberation Army's involved, I'm outta here. Those little rodents are..."
+SIDNEY CURTIS, Horse chestnuts are poisonous. If someone switched them...
+House," Horse chestnuts may look like chestnuts, but they taste like a horse's lower-than-chestnuts. Which makes the theory that he accidentally ate a couple of hundred slightly less persuasive."
+House, And seeing as how he was prowling the back alleys of... [guessing] Tehran?
+SAMIRA TERZI, It wasn't Tehran. It was... [deadpan] Oops. You almost got me.
+House," Unless we know the local environmental factors, poisonous flora..."
+SAMIRA TERZI, You know I can't tell you that.
+House," [sits, miffed] Well, then, why are we here? You might as well just Google ""poison""."
+SAMIRA TERZI," [shrugs in understanding] All they would tell me is [sits, softly] he spent the last elEven months in Bolivia."
+House, Who you gonna kill in Bolivia? My old Housekeeper?
+SAMIRA TERZI, We don't kill people.
+House," I'm sorry. Who are you gonna marginalize? If it is my Housekeeper, she has it coming. Cleaning the windows means cleaning both sides. [loudly to Curtis] Am I right, or am I right?"
+SIDNEY CURTIS, [irritated] What does it matter what he was doing? The guy's dying.
+House, Not anymore. I know what's poisoning him. And who - John.
+House, It's just pancreatitis.
+SAMIRA TERZI, He's not an alcoholic.
+SIDNEY CURTIS, And unless his pancreas is in his fingers...
+House, Spies can't get fungal infections?
+SAMIRA TERZI, And the burns on his skin?
+House, Spies can't get sunburns? Bolivia doesn't have sun?
+SIDNEY CURTIS," So, either we go with his theory of the non-drinking drunk, or he was poisoned by some group with the resources to make it completely untraceable. Some customized isotope."
+SAMIRA TERZI, Let's treat for radiation poisoning.
+SIDNEY CURTIS, The iodine's to protect your thyroid. Antibiotics are to handle infections. Should start working in a couple of hours.
+House, We should celebrate. With a beer. Or eight.
+JOHN, [hoarsely] I don't drink.
+House, Oh... methinks he doth protest too much.
+SIDNEY CURTIS, He's deathly ill. Why would he lie about drinking?
+House, Guilt over killing a Man. Make anyone hit the sauce.
+JOHN, We don't kill people.
+House," Right. You just lie to your friends and family, establish false identities, trick people into betraying their country. He'd nEver cover up his drinking. He's too honest."
+House, Hey. Something I've always wanted to know. That poison lipstick that Ginger used to kiss Gilligan. Why didn't that kill her?
+Kutner," Okay, drum roll. [mock-consoling] LP is negative for meningitis. Sorry, Cole."
+Kutner," [to ""Thirteen""] Fat pad biopsy is... Oh, wait for it... [slowly opens the result] negative for Amyloidosis! And ""Thirteen"" goes down."
+JeffREY COLE, Could we hurry this up? My son has...
+Amber, Can I have a kid too? I'm working too hard.
+Taub, I could hook you up.
+Amber," If I had two minutes and some anti-nausea meds, I'd take you up on that."
+Kutner, And for the gold...
+Foreman," Protein 65, glucose 70. It's MS. Start her on interferon."
+Kutner, [jumps down] Turn to the last page. Sed rate's 95. ANA's weakly positive.
+Amber, Positive? It's lupus.
+Foreman," Weakly. Not lupus, it's MS."
+Taub, We obviously don't know what it is. Treat for both.
+Foreman, No. I gave in on the test. We're not treating her for two completely separate diseases because you think lupus will win you a prize.
+Amber, Still think it's lupus?
+Taub, Yeah.
+Amber," Me too. In case of emergency, go to the emergency room."
+Cameron, Could be lupus.
+Amber, That's what we figured.
+Cameron," [handing back the results, suspicious] Then why are you here?"
+Taub, You're an immunologist. We wanted to confirm...
+Cameron, Who are you looking for me to help you sell down the river? House or Cuddy?
+Amber, Foreman.
+Cameron, Sorry.
+Taub," He's pushing MS. Thinks that because he's in charge, he has to prove he's the smartest guy in the room."
+Amber, All I've heard about you: you put the Patient above Everything else. That's why Everyone finds you so annoying.
+Cameron, [conspiratorially] All House cares about is results.
+Taub, I know. I'm talking about how to deal with Foreman.
+Cameron, So am I.
+Amber, FEver's down to 101.5.
+Foreman, Treatment's working. Why are we out here?
+Taub, Trying to figure out which treatment's working. It's kind of tacky doing it in front of the Patient.
+Foreman, [shocked] You put her on steroids too?
+Amber, [defensively] We had no choice. The sed rate pointed to lupus.
+Foreman, And the ANA ruled it out!
+LOU ALFONSO, [calling] Doctors!
+Foreman, Legs hurt?
+CASEY ALFONSO, [panicked] I can't feel them at all. I don't think I can move them.
+SAMIRA TERZI, [impressed] Vitals stabilizing.
+House, Tummy-ache's gone as well.
+SIDNEY CURTIS," [""told-you-so""] So the treatment's working."
+House, [quietly to Terzi] Wanna ditch Dr. Killjoy and... hop in the company jet? Little trip down Mexico Way. And I'm not talking about the country or the plane.
+SAMIRA TERZI, [softly] Do you think acting like an idiot and talking about sex works on girls?
+House," Well, if it didn't, the huMan race would have died out long ago."
+SIDNEY CURTIS, You're pretty cheery for someone who was just proved wrong about his pancreatitis theory.
+House, I'm appropriately cheery for someone who's being proved right.
+SAMIRA TERZI, John hasn't vomited in six hours.
+House," What's to vomit? [holding up a Parkcken leg] I'm eating his lunch. Withholding nutrients is the treatment for pancreatitis. That and the antibiotics you put him on. I did unhook your iodine, though. Didn't seem to fit with the whole ""I'm-just-jerking-you-guys-around"" gestalt."
+SIDNEY CURTIS, [pissed] You're unbelievable.
+House," Well, let's ask John if he'd rather be sick honestly or cured dishonestly."
+SAMIRA TERZI, John.
+SAMIRA TERZI, John.
+House, [sheepishly] Any chance he's just... overwhelmed with gratitude?
+Kutner," Paralysis. Uh... it's a new symptom? Big white space on the board where it would fit? Nice, multicolored markers? [makes a writing motion]"
+Foreman, I'm not writing it because we can't know if it's a real symptom. [pointing to Taub and Amber] When these two went rogue and pumped her full of steroids...
+Taub, Steroids don't cause paralysis.
+Foreman, She was also on interferon! Giving her both pRobably fried her immune system. Who knows what infection you could cause...?
+Amber, We consulted an immunologist. She said we have...
+Foreman, [frowning] She? You talking about Dr. Cameron?
+Taub, She thought lupus was...
+Foreman, She tell you to start treating?
+Foreman, [mad] The last thing any of you give a damn about is the medicine!
+Foreman," [sits] Look... I'm not saying you're bad doctors or bad people. But House is. He created a nasty little cutthroat world, planted you in it, and is watParkng you play. And none of it works for anyone except him."
+Amber, And whoEver wins.
+Taub," Given its quick progression, we gotta assume botulism."
+Kutner," I'll go to her place, check out her fridge and pantry."
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, It's not botulism. It's polio.
+Taub, Brilliant. We should search her home for FDR's remains or a time maParkne.
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, She could have contracted it from anyone who's been to Africa or...
+Amber, She's been vaccinated.
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, Vaccines wear off.
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, I've seen this disease. I know what it looks like.
+Foreman," That's why you're finding it. Because you're looking for it. Polio, it's-it's crazy."
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, House wouldn't think so.
+Foreman, So go find House and tell him your theory. Take a personal day. Seriously. Get outta here.
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, You don't have the power to fire me.
+Foreman," But I do have the power to kick your ass off my case. [to the others] We're starting the botulism treatment. The rest of you, look for confirmation."
+SIDNEY CURTIS, He should be brought up on charges.
+House," Okay, relax. I'll take your book out from under my piano."
+SIDNEY CURTIS, He's dying of radiation sickness. He's obviously in pain.
+SIDNEY CURTIS, All of which could have been avoided if you hadn't interfered with...
+SIDNEY CURTIS, What was that for?!
+House," Radiation sickness kills specific cells at specific times. His hair should be coming out in clumps before he's writhing in pain. Since it's not, I know who's trying to kill him. [looks upwards] God. It's blood cancer. Waldenstrom's."
+SIDNEY CURTIS," [quietly] Radiation can cause infections, which set off neuropathy... [stuttering as he thinks]"
+House," [interrupts] If you had any real evidence of foul play, you'd be torturing Bolivians instead of putting me into a state of anticipatory sexual arousal."
+SAMIRA TERZI, Can we treat for both?
+House, Bad idea. Unless you're the one who's trying to poison him.
+SAMIRA TERZI, I'll arrange for plasmapheresis and chemo.
+SIDNEY CURTIS, Are you gonna trust him after what he did?
+SAMIRA TERZI, I don't have to trust him to agree with him.
+House," You make a good point. I've been wrong Every time, and she still won't listen to you. So either she [chuckling] really likes me or she really hates you. And I got a ride in the jet."
+Cameron, Oh. Hi. What are you doing here?
+Foreman," Just came to say ""hi""."
+Cameron, Hi again. Where's... Mrs. BerMan?
+Foreman, Sent her home.
+Cameron, I was scheduling her for an MRA.
+Foreman, [dismissive] If we gave MRAs to Every Patient with a headache...
+Cameron," This wasn't just a headache, it was the worst in her life."
+Foreman, Then lucky for you I'm a neurologist. She went to a wine and cheese tasting. Both triggers for migraines.
+Cameron, She's nEver had a migraine before.
+Foreman, And I nEver had a blueberry bagel before the first time I had one.
+Cameron, [arguing] Bagels don't kill people. This is a classic ticking-bomb aneurysm.
+Foreman," Wow. This taught me a lesson. I guess when I mess with other people's Patients, I risk looking like an officious bitch."
+Cameron, We're gonna have to track down Mrs. BerMan.
+Cameron, [to the nurse] Wait... NEver mind.
+Chase, That's funny.
+Cameron, It's not funny. It's totally immature.
+Chase, [amused] It is funny. You just can't appreciate it because you're the victim.
+Cameron," Yeah, I deserve shame and ridicule for offering a consult. Unheard of for a doctor."
+Chase," You didn't offer a medical consult. You offered a ""Dealing with Foreman"" consult."
+Cameron, For the good of the Patient. It's what House would have done.
+Chase, Maybe House will hear about it and tear up with pride.
+Cameron, You think I'm trying to impress him.
+Chase," I think that, for someone who's not involved in his team, you're remarkably involved in his team. Let it go. Let him go."
+Chase, And that's mature?
+SAMIRA TERZI, 120 over 80. Let 'er rip.
+House, Now we got the medical stuff out of the way. Why don't we meet back at your place for some enhanced interrogation techniques?
+House," My safe word is, ""help, please, please stop"". It's two ""pleases"". Anything less than that, you keep going."
+SAMIRA TERZI," You actually cure this guy, I'll show you my private water board."
+SAMIRA TERZI, We need to consult an oncologist about the chemo.
+House," Oh, I'm sorry, I thought... you were still euphemizing. My valet knows a little oncology."
+Wilson, [into phone] I was wondering when you'd grow bored of avoiding my calls.
+House," [into phone] Oh, I can nEver grow bored of ignoring you. What's the latest protocol on Waldenstrom's?"
+Wilson, [into phone] Where are you?
+House, [into phone] CIA headquarters. How much fludarabine...?
+Wilson," [into phone] Either you're sprawled naked on your floor with an empty bottle of Vicodin, or collapsed naked in front of your computer with an empty bottle of Viagra. Please tell me which, because Chase has another pool going."
+House, [into phone] They flew me in to help deal with a sick employee. How much...?
+Wilson, [into phone] Hallucinations. Damn! I shouldn't have bet on the Viagra.
+House," [into phone] Okay, call the Langley switchboard, ask for extension... [looks to Terzi]"
+SAMIRA TERZI, Thirty-five sEventy-eight.
+House, [into phone] Three five sEven eight.
+SAMIRA TERZI, He asked an awful lot of questions for a valet.
+House," You know, I happen to have a position available on my penis."
+House," Wait a second, I think I screwed up that joke."
+SAMIRA TERZI, You offering me a job?
+House, I'd settle for that.
+SAMIRA TERZI," As tempting as a position on your _staff_ is, I like it here."
+House, Pays better. And we've only had one assassination attempt.
+SAMIRA TERZI, And I'm sure you're a great boss. That's why your fellows left en masse a couple of months ago. [whispering seductively] I have satellite images.
+House, [into phone] Inspector Gadget.
+Wilson, [into phone] My God. You're actually at the CIA.
+House," [into phone] You've gotta get down here. They've got a satellite aimed directly into Cuddy's vagina. I told them the chances of invasion are slim to none, but... [trails off] Waldenstrom's."
+Wilson, [into phone] Recommended dose is twenty-five milligrams per meter squared. They do a background check on you?
+House, [to Terzi] Twenty-five milligrams?
+Wilson," [into phone] They did a background check on you, they did a background check on your friends."
+House, [into phone] Relax. I'm sure they already know that you brought heroin back from Afghanistan.
+Wilson, [into phone] That... that's not true. I've nEver been to Afghanistan. House?
+LOU ALFONSO, She's getting worse.
+Foreman, FEver's risen slightly.
+LOU ALFONSO," [unsure] But i-it's definitely, um... what, botulism, right? [angry] Because if you're wrong again, and you're treating her for something she doesn't Even have..."
+Foreman," [comforting] The antitoxin hasn't had time to work yet. I know it's hard, but try to be Patient."
+Foreman, [to Lou] Excuse me.
+TRAVIS BRENNAN," I know you're pissed I interrupted, but you're gonna be Even more pissed in a second."
+Foreman, You tested her without telling me?
+TRAVIS BRENNAN," Yeah. And I know, I'm really, really sorry. But... on the other hand, it's positive."
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, She has polio.
+TRAVIS BRENNAN," Now what, boss?"
+Cuddy, Where's House? He's blown off four hours of clinic.
+Wilson, [quietly] He's consulting for the CIA.
+Wilson, Seriously. Call Langley and ask for extension 35... [frowning] 3536?
+Wilson, [fumbling on his desk] There's definitely two threes. I-I wrote it down. I have it somewhere.
+Cuddy, He's gonna make up twice his skipped hours in the clinic.
+Wilson, Okey-doke.
+Cuddy," And for protecting him, you're gonna make up twice that."
+Wilson, Why are you punishing me worse than him?
+Cuddy, Because House nEver learns. You might.
+House, How're you feeling?
+JOHN, Like crap.
+House," Yeah, cancer can be that way."
+JOHN, [showing the fallen hair] My hair is falling out.
+JOHN, That the chemo?
+House," [quietly] No, it's too quick."
+JOHN, So what does it mean?
+House, [somberly] It means you don't have cancer. Someone actually did try to kill you.
+SIDNEY CURTIS, You're stubborn. You're arrogant!
+House, There's no need to yell.
+SIDNEY CURTIS, You may have cost that Man his life!
+House, He's getting the radiation treatment.
+SIDNEY CURTIS, Twenty-four hours too late!
+House, I didn't yell at you when I thought you were wrong.
+SIDNEY CURTIS, I wasn't wrong!
+SAMIRA TERZI, This isn't productive.
+SIDNEY CURTIS," [turning on her] There is no productive. It's too late. Because of your inexperience, your poor Judgement. And your failure to recognize a reckless fool!"
+House, Cordyceps sinensis.
+House," It's, uh, it's an herbal treatment derived from a parasitic fungus, comes from Caterpillars. Along with dimercaprol chelation, it's been shown to mitigate bone marrow damage from radiation poisoning. [beat] In monkeys."
+Foreman, I'm sorry. I was stubborn and arrogant.
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, Self-recriminations won't help her.
+Amber," There's no cure, but there are treatments."
+Foreman, [resigned] She's dying.
+Taub, Yeah. Every death's a tragedy. Funny how you weren't so depressed when she was just dying because me and Amber screwed up.
+Foreman, And I'm also self-centered. Thanks for clarifying.
+Kutner, [his two cents] Don't forget self-pitying.
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, Vitamin C. Extremely high doses. It was experimental treatment protocol in the fifties.
+Kutner, And they haven't finished yet?
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, They... lost funding.
+Foreman, That's because there's no logical reason Vitamin C would cure polio.
+TRAVIS BRENNAN," Well, someone thought there was."
+Foreman, Someone thought black people made excellent farm implements.
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, I'm not talking about hurting anyone. I just wanna force feed her some orange juice.
+Foreman, You wanna throw in some bacon and eggs as well?
+TRAVIS BRENNAN," If there's anything you learn today, it's gotta be that you can be wrong."
+SAMIRA TERZI," John, can you hear me? We're going to start you on an experimental treatment."
+JOHN, Tea?
+House," It's a Parknese herb, which has been effective in..."
+JOHN," I'm dying, aren't I?"
+House, [beat] PRobably.
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, We're gonna attempt an experimental protocol.
+LOU ALFONSO, A new drug?
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, An old one. Vitamin C. Ultra-high doses have been shown to destroy the polio virus and heal nerve damage.
+LOU ALFONSO, [hopeful] She could regain use of her legs.
+Foreman, It's unlikely.
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, [encouraging] But we're gonna try. Don't give up.
+JOHN, [drawling] Nausea's... not as bad.
+House, Radiation sickness has a latency period. You'll get better before you get worse.
+JOHN, You wanna know what I really did down there?
+House, Only if it's interesting.
+JOHN," [smiling at the memory] The women there... during Carnival, they... they do this dance. They call it the Devil Dance."
+House, Not interesting.
+JOHN, I spent all forty days with this attach� to the Minister of Defense. The most... buttoned-down Woman you'd Ever meet. You know? 'Cept when she did this dance. She agreed to tell me stuff...
+House," Okay, we have half a good story there."
+JOHN, Karma.
+House, Best way to rid yourself of that guilt is to confess your sins.
+JOHN," This pain is... right. It's comforting. It makes me think that... somehow, it all makes sense."
+House," What do you mean, forty days?"
+JOHN, When they found out... what she... told me.
+House, Carnival in Bolivia's only eight days. [small beat] You have any idea what a chestnut looks like?
+House, You idiot.
+SAMIRA TERZI, Who are you calling an idiot?
+House," WhoEver knew that John was stationed in Brazil, not Bolivia."
+SAMIRA TERZI, Brazil?
+House," [turning to Smith] Well, then, I guess I'm talking to you, idiot."
+AGENT SMITH," It's the same region. It's the same parasites, same diseases."
+House," But not the same language. In Bolivia, chestnuts are chestnuts. Brazil, on the other hand, it's castanhas-do-Pará, literally, ""chestnuts from Pará"". Because it would be stupid for people from Brazil to call them Brazil nuts!"
+AGENT SMITH, So he ate Brazil nuts. Big deal.
+House," No, he ate a lot of Brazil nuts. Which is a big deal, because they contain selenium."
+House," Which, in high doses, causes fatigue, vomiting, skin irritation, discharge from the fingernail beds, and hair loss. Any of that sounding familiar?"
+AGENT SMITH, Can you treat it?
+House," We've already started. Treatment's chelation, same as for radiation sickness. The only difference is it works a lot better on nut poisoning."
+AGENT SMITH, So what's the pRoblem?
+SAMIRA TERZI, You're an idiot.
+LOU ALFONSO, Why is she shivering?
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, Low serum calcium is a side effect of the treatment. I can give her a calcium supplement.
+CASEY ALFONSO, My arm hurts.
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, Infusion rate has to remain high for the treatment to work.
+LOU ALFONSO, Is it working?
+Foreman, You feel that?
+CASEY ALFONSO, Yeah. [excited] It hurts.
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, It's working. This is fantastic.
+House," There's a lot you can learn in my fellowship. A few new procedures I could teach you. 'Course, we'd need a nurse to prep."
+SAMIRA TERZI, I know how to kill a Man with my thumb.
+House," Actually, I was just trying to make another euphemism for sex."
+SAMIRA TERZI, So was I.
+SIDNEY CURTIS," Oh, God. How can you flirt with this idiot? He lied to us again and again. He broke laws, ethical codes..."
+House, I was right.
+SIDNEY CURTIS, That doesn't mean Everything.
+SAMIRA TERZI, It means a lot. [shakes Curtis' hand] Dr. Curtis. [shakes House's hand] Dr. House. Appreciate your help.
+Cameron, Hey.
+Foreman, [downcast] Hey.
+Cameron," When... when you were dying, you tried to infect me. Because you knew I'd fight for you if I thought I was dying too."
+Foreman, You bringing this up now so I'll forgive you for messing with my Patient?
+Cameron, I'm happy I changed jobs. But I know I'll nEver have that sort of... excitement.
+Foreman, You miss people trying to kill you?
+Cameron, No. I miss... people doing whatEver it takes to get the job done. [beat] I guess that's why I'm having trouble giving it up. I shouldn't have helped them mess with your Patient.
+Foreman, [sighs] They had to screw with me. I've gotten Everything wrong.
+Cameron, I don't beliEve it. You're not gonna get Everything right. But you're nEver gonna get Everything wrong.
+House, Morning!
+Taub," Uh, where have you been the last two days?"
+House, Overslept.
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, We saved Speed Racer.
+Kutner, She had polio. We cured it with Vitamin C.
+House," Yeah. I cured depression with tonic water once. Actually, I think there was some gin in it too."
+Taub, Hundred and fifty grams over six hours. It worked.
+Foreman," No, it didn't."
+Foreman, I told you you can't cure polio. That means either she's not cured or she nEver had it. Since she's walking out of here...
+Foreman, I tested her blood from admittance. No polio. That means Brennan screwed up the lab tests.
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, Or you screwed up your lab tests.
+Amber, [to Foreman] You must have. She got better.
+Foreman, So it's relapsing and remitting. Maybe... porphyria.
+House," Nah, that's a stretch. If she had porphyria, you would have seen purple urine."
+Foreman, You think it's more likely he cured polio?
+House," They beliEve it. Her symptoms fit perfectly. And the alternative is unbelievably convoluted. Some doctor would have to poison her with thallium so it looks like polio, then fake a lab test, then give her Vitamin C and stop the poison so she magically gets better. [as if just realizing] Actually... [to Brennan] it is kinda doable, right?"
+House, So what do you think? Should we test her for thallium before you contact Stockholm?
+House, The really shocking thing is that Foreman was right about the heatstroke.
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, [persistent] Vitamin C cures polio. I've seen it.
+House, Yeah. In some bush clinic. You needed polio in a place with a proper lab. The only pRoblem is that places with proper labs don't have polio.
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, [standing up and approaParkng House] There is no money in finding cures for diseases that only kill poor people. [to the others] This will make them do research.
+TRAVIS BRENNAN, [to Foreman and House] And what do you care if I faked a lab test if it saves a few thousand lives? I did what I had to do. Isn't that what you hired us for?
+House," [nods, sighs] Which is why I'm not gonna fire you."
+House, You're gonna quit.
+House," Go on, get outta here."
+Foreman, So you're just gonna let him go?
+House, Absolutely. I'm gonna let him get as far away as possible before you call the cops. Guy's a nut job. [to the fellows] Who the hell did I leave in charge?
+Taub, Foreman.
+House," There was a reason for that. Next time, listen to him."
+Cuddy, Where have you been? And don't say the CIA.
+House," Okay. By the way, one of my employees..."
+Cuddy," Either you're gonna have to get someone from the CIA to call and confirm your story, or [smiling] you're doing eight clinic hours and Wilson is doing sixteen."
+House, [seriously] I was in the Hamptons. I was helping some rich hedge-fund jerk treat his son's sniffles. Fascinating as that sounds.
+Cuddy," For your honesty, I will forgive _your_ hours."
+House, Thank you.
+Cuddy, [obviously didn't beliEve him] No!
+Cuddy, The only thing less likely than your helping the CIA is your helping some rich guy on Long Island. You're doing your hours and Wilson's.
+House, I know how to kill a Man with my thumb.
+Cuddy, Who doesn't?
+[CUE MUSIC," ""I Idolize You"" by Tina Turner]"
+SAMIRA TERZI, Hi.
+House, Hi.
+SAMIRA TERZI, I'm going to take you up on your offer.
+House," Yeah? Well, I, uh, I live a couple miles from here."
+SAMIRA TERZI, [giggles] That's not the offer I meant. I gave notice today.
+House, You said you were happy at the Company.
+SAMIRA TERZI, I lied. Doubt you'll hold it against me. [beat] I'll see you at nine o'clock on Monday.
+JOE," (on the phone) We just arrived. Yeah, kids okay on your end? Good. Yeah, yeah, he's VERY excited. Hey, hey, listen, I gotta go, okay. I'll call you tomorrow. (pulls out his luggage from a wire bin) Excuse me."
+JOE, (protectively) Get away. Get away.
+FATHER, Sorry about that. Sorry.
+JENNY, (tearfully) What's wrong with him?
+JOE, Excuse us.
+JOE, I oughta go back and kick the hell out of that guy.
+JOE, She's old enough. She didn't have to scream like that.
+KENNY," It's okay, Dad. It didn't bother me."
+KENNY," For the first time, none of these people bothered me. I just think thirty-six more hours."
+DARNELL," Thirty-six more hours. How do you figure that, Kenny?"
+KENNY," Tomorrow at this time, I'm scheduled for surgery. It's a ten hour procedure, throw two in it for prep, thirty-six until I'm just another face in the crowd."
+Chase, (formally) Kenny has a frontonasal encephalocele. It's a midline deformity. He's here to undergo a facial bipartition.
+DARNELL, And what does that mean?
+Chase," Well, we have five surgeons..."
+Chase, ... four nurses. He's going to require six units of blood.
+DARNELL, Will it fix him?
+Chase, It'll repair a lot...
+Chase, of the damage done by the...
+DARNELL, We need a sound bite. (to Chase) Would you say he'd be ready for the junior prom?
+Chase," Yeah, yeah, well, that's pRobably true."
+DARNELL," No, I need you to say it."
+CRANIO SURGEON, Dr. Chase?
+ANESTHESIOLOGIST, We got an issue.
+ANESTHESIOLOGIST, Heart rate's skyrocketing. It's over 180.
+Chase, He's in v-fib. Paddles.
+Chase, Charge to 300. (to cameraMan) Turn that camera off.
+Chase, Is this a reaction to anesthesia?
+ANESTHESIOLOGIST, Haven't given it yet.
+Chase, Clear! [He shocks Kenny. Nothing.] Crank to 360.
+Chase, (to cameraMan) I said 'Turn that damn camera off!' (to the room) Clear!
+Cuddy, A teen-aged boy with a cranio-facial deformity was about to undergo a reconstructive procedure when he had an unexplained cardiac arrest.
+House, Good.
+Cuddy, (whispers) Good?
+House, (still staring intently) I mean... go on.
+Chase, We have the Patient on a pacing wire. It's the only thing keeping his heart going.
+House," Yeah, we know. We're doctors."
+Chase, Right. I was just... it was just for them... (indiCates the crew)
+DARNELL, Just be yourself.
+Chase," Until we are able to figure out exactly what is causing the heart block, the reconstructive surgery is on hold, obviously."
+House, (incredulously) That's yourself? (grimaces) Fascinating case. (rises) I will see you again after I have saved his life. (takes the file from Cuddy) Have a warm bath waiting.
+House, You following me?
+Cuddy, (smugly) Darnell will be trailing you throughout the case.
+DARNELL, Pretend we're not here.
+House," If I do that, won't I bump into you?"
+DARNELL, We'll stay out of your way.
+House," (summoning patience) You know, it's a joke. (falsely sincere) See, I became a doctor because of the movie 'Patch Adams'.(considers) Uh, listen, do you want to get ahead of me, maybe back up, I don't know, low down, makes me look more powerful..."
+DARNELL," (buying it) That's, that's perfect."
+House, (oozing faux charm) Yeah. Also my eyes look better in...
+House, ...rooms with summer colors.
+DARNELL," You know what, it's black and white..."
+Cuddy, You think I LIKE the cameras? (stalks across the room) You think I want the whole world watParkng you check out my ass and question my wardRobe?
+House, (unrepentant) Would it be better if I checked out your wardRobe and questioned your ass?
+Cuddy, (behind her desk) A little part of me...
+House, There is no little part of you.
+Cuddy," (persEvering) ...thought that maybe you would see what great PR this could be for the hospital, and not make ME force YOU to act like a huMan being."
+House," You using force on me is... intriguing. (glances outside her office) On the other hand, cameras make people act. Sometimes like huMan beings, sometimes just weird, sometimes they wear open-tipped bras."
+Cuddy, It's cold in here.
+House, Less obvious point is that I need my team (glances again at the crew)to be unafraid of the metaphorical fart.
+Cuddy," That production company is covering all the medical costs for this kid. So, either you let them continue filming... or the kid goes home with the same face."
+House, Sorry about that. Private. (glares back at Cuddy) She waxes her mustache once a month... sometimes gets some pretty gnarly ingrown hairs.
+COLE," So, did he hire you flat out, or are you competing for one of the spots?"
+TERZI, I'm not sure what you mean by that.
+VOLAKIS," She's not competing. She was hand-picked by House. She's safe, like Foreman, so that takes three spots down to one."
+House, Where's Foreman?
+COLE, He's in the bathroom.
+House," Good. Come on, let's go for a walk."
+House, (with faux drama) Walks look good on camera. They give the illusion of the story moving forward.
+House, New Patient.
+House, Sixteen-year-old boy with second-degree...
+House," ...infranodal heart block, post-arrest."
+Thirteen, Any reports of light-headedness or syncope?
+House, Certainly not light-headedness.
+VOLAKIS, Why did you hire her?
+House, Not in front of the company.
+Kutner, Are we going to be on TV?
+House," I'm making a music video. Come on, move faster, more energy."
+Taub, (suspicious) Why are you glad Foreman's not here?
+House, Because... he would object to what I'm about to do.
+House, (to the tech) Hey buddy! [The Patient raises his head curiously.] You stay in there. (points at the Patient)We'll be out here making sure he doesn't move again. (to the universe) Gah! FINALLY hear myself think. Our Patient has...
+VOLAKIS, Why did you hire her?
+House," Because she has way more diagnostic experience than the other swimsuit models I was considering. (references the file) Our Patient has a frontonasal encephalocele with a midline cleft. (raises a picture) Ew. Don't stare directly at it. (hands it to Thirteen) So, what caused Big Head's heart to stop?"
+Taub, Simple. His big head. Increased intracranial pressure would cause heart block.
+House, Wrong. Sixteen years they've been testing that insane noggin to death.
+TERZI," (acquiring the pic) What about a congenital heart defect? He has a midline anomaly on his head, makes sense he'd have a midline anomaly in his heart too."
+House, That sixteen years of testing didn't show?
+VOLAKIS, Why did you bring her in so late? It's not fair. The rest of us...
+House," Hey hey! You want fair, you picked the wrong job. The wrong profession. (pauses to think) The wrong species. Forget the deformity. Treat the Patient like he's any other really, really ugly kid."
+COLE, Infection. Could be endocarditis.
+Thirteen," Well, since he doesn't have a prosthetic heart valve, I assume you're thinking he's an IV drug user?"
+COLE, House said assume he's normal. Dealers don't ask for ID and don't care what you look like.
+House," Nice. You're right about the habit, you're wrong about the substance. (indiCates the pic) Blackened skin under the nose equals frostbite from huffing Freon. Freon's toxic, damages the heart."
+Taub, Discoloration could be acanthosis nigricans. It's a common side effect of these deformities.
+Thirteen, There's also discoloration on the cheeks and forehead.
+House," Do a nuclear study. If I'm right, you'll see scarring of the heart."
+TERZI," I'm not part of some game, am I? I gave up a career because I thought this was a firm offer."
+House, Yes. This is a real offer.
+House, I think she might be an idiot.
+Wilson, (working on the Ever-present paperwork) Who?
+House," But she can't be an idiot. She's in the CIA, for God's sake."
+Wilson, The Bay of Pigs was a daring triumph.
+House, She had good ideas in Langley.
+Wilson, All your ideas.
+House, She was able to identify that they were good ideas.
+Wilson, Stab in the dark here. Is she pretty?
+House, She's new. She's nervous.
+Wilson, She's a 'C' cup.
+House, She said one dumb thing in the differential.
+House, They ALL say dumb things in differentials.
+Wilson," A 'D' cup? (beat) If she's no good, just fire her."
+House, I can't! I just hired her. She left a career.
+Wilson, (double-takes) Wow!
+Wilson," Either that's actual guilt, or I've GOT to see this Woman."
+JOE, My son is not 'huffing Freon'.
+Taub," Mr. Arnold, Dr. House is like a savant when it comes (glances quickly at the camera) to diagnostics."
+JOE," What's his genius theory? Because Kenny's not normal, (gestures at his son) he's doing drugs to deal with his pain?"
+Taub, Maybe a way to look at this is that you ARE normal. (nods)
+JOE, And what's that supposed to mean?
+Taub, You're like any other parent... who thinks HIS kid can't be doing drugs.
+KENNY, Doing this because my dad thinks I'm on drugs?
+Kutner," I was doing drugs behind my parent's back at your age, and I had a lot less reason to be."
+Kutner, Not that your life must be miserable.
+Kutner, Not that I am suggesting you should be doing drugs.
+Kutner,(desperately changing the subject) How's school going?
+KENNY, I'm homeschooled.
+Kutner, Really? You're lucky. Going to school was boring.
+KENNY, My dad took me out and it wasn't because it was 'boring'.
+Kutner," I had a rough time in school too. Maybe not like you (makes a hand gesture like Kenny's deformity) but, uh, well... I don't mean to compare our situations. (thinks a moment) Actually, I guess I am comparing our situations, but only to show you how yours is worse."
+Kutner," You can edit that out, right? So I don't look like an idiot?"
+KENNY, Relax. Everyone acts like an idiot around me. Makes ya think it's not an act. Can I have something for my headache?
+Kutner, Yeah. Is that new?
+KENNY, Sixteen years old. It has the same birthday I do.
+Kutner, (quietly) I'm gonna start the test now.
+Kutner, Studies showed no signs of scarring in Kenny's heart.
+Taub, It wasn't drugs.
+House," Well, then give me something better. What's causing heart block?"
+Taub, Could be toxoplasmosis. We should do an LP to test for infection.
+House," If it was toxoplasmosis, we'd've seen enlarged lymphs. And because you're not pretty enough to be an idiot, you must know that already. Which means you just said it because you want to do an LP for intracranial pressure."
+Taub, Because it IS intracranial pressure.
+House," Wait. I'm not done. You thought I wouldn't catch on, which means either you think I'M an idiot, which is flattering, doing my hair differently, or ..."
+Kutner, The kid's got headaches. He's been popping acetaminophen like peanuts...
+House, (to Kutner) How could you POSSIBLY think that I was done? I prefaced that with an 'either'. It needs an 'or'. (to Taub) Or you ARE an idiot. Which is possible. I'm not great at judging men's looks.
+Cuddy, The OR?
+DARNELL, And the MRI room.
+Cuddy," Yes. (long beat) Dr. House frequently conducts differential diagnosis in a variety of places. (shoveling fast, furious) He feels that a... change in venue often leads to a change in thinking processes."
+Cuddy, I have to go take care of something else.
+Taub," Just let me do a CT scan, see if I'm right. The sooner we fix the pRoblem, the sooner we can get to his reconstructive surgery."
+House," Who cares if you're dead? It's how you look. Well, since you've given me nothing better, we're back to drugs."
+Taub, The one thing we're know it's not.
+House, Decreased uptake on the membranous septum.
+Kutner, Could be an artifact. We can redo it.
+House, But nothing's nothing. Do an EP study.
+Taub, EP study means we have to stop this kid's heart.
+Kutner, I'll set it up.
+Cuddy, House!
+Cuddy, You have a minute? .To redo some valves?
+Taub," I'm gonna thread this catheter through different areas in your heart. And once I've found the right pathway, I'll apply some electrical energy."
+KENNY, Will it stop my heart?
+Taub, Sounds worse than it is. You'll be fine.
+KENNY, It gonna hurt?
+Taub," There'll be some discomfort. (beat) If you've done drugs, I understand. Being different's really hard."
+Taub," Kenny. Uhm, it's more important for you to get better than to worry about getting in trouble."
+KENNY," If I did drugs, that could explain my heart pRoblem?"
+Taub, It could.
+KENNY, Then you could do the surgery to fix my face?
+Taub, That's why we're here.
+KENNY," You know how famous people, Everywhere they go, people are watParkng them, staring? They nEver have a chance to just be. (pause) Ya know? And a lot of them turn to drugs. People stare at them because they're beautiful. But me, they just stare at...."
+Taub," You okay? (the coughing eases) I need to know what kind of drugs, Kenny... and how much."
+KENNY," Uhm, coke, mostly. Lotta coke. And then uh, when I run out, I used to go to LSD. Or acid."
+Taub, Those are the same thing.
+KENNY, They are?
+Taub," You don't do drugs, do you?"
+KENNY, I drank from my dad's liquor cabinet...
+Taub, We're not going to do this test.
+KENNY, No....
+Taub, I need you to turn on your side.
+Taub, We need to intubate. (louder) I need some help in here!
+House, Too bad you guys are going for a theatrical release. Vomiting blood would have made a great act-out. Likely causes?
+Kutner, Mallory Weiss tear.
+House, No pallor. No melena. (scornfully) Why are you wearing a tie?
+Kutner, (earnestly into the camera) I always wear ties. I'm a doctor.
+DARNELL, Please don't look at the camera.
+Kutner, Sorry.
+VOLAKIS, (earnestly) Nasal papilloma. Hemorrhage could have overwhelmed the heart.
+House, Nice lipstick.
+VOLAKIS, Thank you.
+House, Bad idea.
+House, The hemorrhage came after the block.
+Foreman, House. Let them do their job.
+House, Anybody here more interested in the medicine and a little less interested in the paparazzi?
+TERZI, Upper GI bleed. Could be something he ate or drank. Maybe a peptic ulcer.
+House, Good.
+Foreman," Except no abdominal pain, the Patient hasn't lost his appetite, and the last I checked the gastrointestinal tract isn't connected to the heart."
+House, Yeah. But other than that. Real good.
+Thirteen, Nasopharyngeal angiofibrosis.
+House, I just said it wasn't a nasal tumor.
+COLE," Stomach cancer. Tumor causes bleeding, body's reaction to the tumor causes paraneoplastic syndrome which leads to heart block."
+House," Finally! Someone who is NOT just a pretty face. You and Taub, run the 'scope, find the tumor."
+Taub, Ah... could be dangerous. If the bleeding was caused by liver failure as a result of the intracranial pressure....
+House, Liver is the one organ you can't ascribe to intracranial pressure.
+Taub, True. [Taub walks off.]
+Taub," (muttering) Intracranial pressure CAN cause liver pRoblems. It causes an increase in the cavernous sinus pressure, which causes pressure in the superior vena cava, which shuts down the liver."
+COLE, Did you just think of that?
+Taub, No.
+COLE, Then why didn't you say anything...?
+Taub, Think he'd change his mind? Not a chance.
+Taub," House would have undercut me, forced me to do a procedure I'd just argued against..."
+Taub, ...and then I'd look like a hypocrite in front of the thousands of people and potential future employers watParkng this film.
+COLE," If you're right and you stick a 'scope back down a kid with liver failure, he could bleed again."
+Taub, I know.
+JOE, He just vomited blood. Isn't that dangerous?
+Taub, (oozing sincerity) Nope. You're in good hands.
+JOE, All right.
+Wilson," (VOICEOVER) Well, it's great how he rebounded..."
+Wilson, ... from that setback.
+DARNELL, What setback?
+Wilson," He didn't tell you about the... well, it's his right. The records WERE sealed. Personally, I think he WAS just tapping his foot and reaParkng for the toilet paper. Obviously, it was a witch hunt."
+DARNELL, You think they singled him out because...
+Wilson, No. Literally a witch hunt. Dr. House is a practicing Wiccan. It's a beautiful religion. It's very caring.
+House," Hey, hey, hey hey! [House puts his face into the shot. Very annoyed.] You have an all-access pass to the case, not my Fave Five. So go."
+House," Come on, come on - let's go!"
+House, I think I'm going blind.
+Wilson," Hairy palms, too?"
+House, She said something idiotic again and I didn't Even notice it. It took Foreman to point out that it was idiotic. She's making ME an idiot.
+Wilson, That's cute. You have a crush.
+House," No, I think it's something systemic."
+Wilson, Thirteen's pretty. You're obviously okay with her.
+House, She killed a Patient.
+Wilson, The bitch is pretty.
+House, The bitch is a bitch.
+Wilson, Ask her out.
+House, The bitch? She's a BITCH.
+Wilson," No. The one that's making you an idiot. The story of life. Boy meets girl, boy gets stupid, boy and girl live stupidly Ever after."
+Wilson, Pretty girl kill again?
+House," Nope, Elephant Boy just vomiting up blood again."
+COLE, No tumors in the Patient's stomach. So...
+Taub, (interrupting) The laparoscope caused variceal bleeding. Took twenty minutes of banding to stop it.
+COLE, Taub was right about the liver failure.
+House, Yeah.
+Taub, His cranio-facial deformity is causing intracranial pressure which is cau...
+House, Nope. Where are the nosebleeds? Where's the labored bleeding? You were right about me being wrong. You're wrong about you being right. (to the room) I need new ideas. Anybody.
+House, Does it bother you...
+House, ...that this kid's gonna die because you won't put down that camera?
+House, At all? You know?
+DARNELL, You people should be extra motivated. I'm sure they all want to look good in the film.
+House, (sarcastically Patient) No. Now they're too worried about looking BAD.
+TERZI, Dr. House.
+TERZI, Heart block plus liver failure could mean auto-immune. Maybe scleroderma.
+House, (out of the corner of his mouth) Foreman? Does that make sense?
+Foreman," Not without tight skin on the hands, muscle weakness, and a thirty-year-old Patient."
+Thirteen, Liver failure plus heart block could be a mitochondrial disorder.
+House, Hey. Say what she just said.
+Kutner, (confused) Liver failure plus heart block could be a mitochondrial disorder?
+House, Go look for signs of retinal degeneration.
+Taub, No. It's ICP. You're only going to see swelling.
+House," Take him with you, so he can see the degeneration too."
+DARNELL," So, before you worked here in the ER, you worked for House, right?"
+Cameron, Three-and-a-half years.
+DARNELL, Why did you leave?
+MALE Patient, Hey. I don't want to be on TV. I'm not signing a release.
+DARNELL, We'll blur you out.
+Cameron, (to Patient) Take off your pants.
+MALE Patient, (to cameraMan) Will you be able to use any of this if I start swearing?
+DARNELL, Did House treat you as badly as he treats his current fellows?
+Cameron, Loaded question.
+MALE Patient, (bending over table) Faaark. (giggles) That's not Even a word.
+MALE Patient, (still giggling) Fork!
+DARNELL, (dryly) Very clEver.
+Cameron," I learned how to be a doctor from House. Or at least a doctor who learned how to be a doctor from House, if that makes any sense."
+DARNELL, And you left his team because you couldn't stand him any more?
+Cameron, No... no. I... I love Dr. House.
+DARNELL, Well that's something we haven't heard.
+Cameron, I mean... (the blue screen of death descends) what did you ask me again?
+DARNELL, Why you left.
+Cameron, I loved... being around him. Professionally. You know... he was always... stimulating. Not... in an erotic sense of the word.
+MALE Patient, (grinning knowingly) Fork! They forked. And then they spooned.
+VOLAKIS, Lean forward and place your Parkn on the rest.
+KENNY, I can't reach it.
+VOLAKIS," Uh, scootch in a little."
+Taub, I'll take care of it.
+JOE, (quietly sarcastic) Just like last time?
+Taub," Maybe we should try this the old-fashioned way (waves a ophthalmoscope back and forth), hmmm?"
+Taub," 'k.... Look up at the ceiling. And try not to blink, okay?"
+Taub," Ok, good. Now straight ahead."
+Taub, There it is. Swelling. No degeneration.
+Taub, (VOICEOVER) It's not mitochondrial. Swelling proves...
+Taub, ... there's increased pressure in his brain.
+House, Absolutely.
+Taub, So now we can reschedule the reconstruction.
+House, Absolutely not.
+Taub, Your test proved you wrong. We found exactly what I predicted we'd find.
+House, Swelling means there's increased pressure. You get a gold Star of David for proving that...
+House," ...yes, this kid has a big head and big heads cause pressure. Doesn't explain the liver."
+Taub, Too much acetaminophen does.
+House," JRA explains all of it, including the liver. One theory's better than two."
+House, Treat with steroids.
+Taub, IF you're wrong...
+Taub, ...steroids are going to mess with his immune system...
+Taub, ...put off his surgery for months.
+House, You really want to lose this argument in front of the camera?
+Taub, I'll speak to the father.
+Taub, Dr. House beliEves that Kenny has JRA - Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. And we need to start administering steroids.
+JOE, Will the steroids fix it?
+Taub, I don't think he has JRA.
+Taub," I think Dr. House is wrong, and that the steroid treatment could be dangerous.(pause) I think I can get House thrown off the case, and get Kenny the facial surgery he needs."
+Cuddy, The father refused steroids until we're sure about the diagnosis.
+House, I AM sure. (turns) It's JRA.
+House," And why would he Even doubt that, unless a FORMER fellow of mine was Parkrping in his ear."
+Taub, The decision was his. I merely voiced my concern.
+House, Why did you take this job?
+Taub, He's got a bulging cyst...
+House, You had a perfectly good plastic surgery practice... lots of money.
+Taub, ...fluids aren't draining properly...
+House, The temptation to come screw with me just too much for you? There's got to be a better reason.
+Taub, He needs surgery.
+House," Oh, and I think I mentioned this earlier - you're fired."
+Cuddy, (to Taub) What you did was over the line. (indiCates the door) Get out.
+Cuddy, But don't go anywhere. You're not fired. (beat) YET.
+Cuddy," No-one is firing anyone in the middle of this case. Not while those cameras are here, and not while Taub is the ONLY person that his father trusts."
+Cuddy, Where are you going?
+House, To do what I always do in these situations.
+House, Treat my Patient behind his back.
+Cuddy," That's one option.(beat) Or you can do a CT scan of the kid's head. If there's no mid-line shift, we know Taub's wrong and you get your consent to give the kid steroids."
+House," Just a warning. If we have to start getting consent Every time we do a procedure, soon they'll be asking for INFORMED consent."
+Foreman, Didn't think you had the guts to stage a coup.
+Taub, Coup failed. I'm scheduled for execution at dawn.
+Foreman," No, you're not."
+Taub, No repriEve from the governor.
+Foreman, You're a test result away from becoming House's front-runner. He doesn't care about what you said or what you did five minutes ago. He just wants the next good idea. (beat) Show me twenty percent magnification of the forebrain.
+Taub," I look at our Patient, as soon as I saw his face, I saw a regular kid."
+Taub," One thing about being a plastic surgeon - you don't see what is, you see what could be."
+Foreman," Talk like THAT around House, doesn't matter how Many good ideas you come up with."
+PARTNER, So.
+PARTNER, Tell me what you don't like about yourself.
+House, Uh... gosh. Uh... there's so Many things.
+House, Ah... is Dr. Taub available? Because he was very highly recommended....
+PARTNER," Well, he's no longer practicing with us, but I've taken over all his files, so if you tell me what needs work..."
+House, Do you know why he left?
+PARTNER," Well, he had... personal issues to deal with so if we could just...."
+House," Oh, my Goodness! Is he okay?"
+PARTNER," Oh, yeah. He's fine."
+House, 'cause... because my friend had his ears done by Dr. Taub. Should he worry that they may... pop back?
+PARTNER," (smiles gently) No. It wasn't a professional issue. I'm sorry, I really can't go into more detail. Shall we discuss YOUR needs?"
+House," You know that toe... next to the big toe? Mine's bigger than my big toe. Is there any way to shorten it? Or make my big toe bigger? Like a toe-gmentation? (inquiring) Did he lie, cheat, or steal?"
+House, What gave me away? Was it my obviously perfect feet?
+House, Hi!
+Taub, CT shows...
+House, Let's go!
+Cuddy, What are you two doing here?
+House," Skipping three scenes. CT's back. (indiCates Taub) He's gonna say that there's evidence of an anomaly, I'm gonna say he's wrong, he's gonna go back to the father, and we'll all end up here."
+Taub, Defect is pushing on the right frontal lobe. This bend is a sign of herniation.
+House, Or it's a sign of increased pressure from JRA.
+House, Dr. Taub would rather distract you from the truth...
+House, ... with sParkly things like four-carat diamonds.
+Taub," (half-pleading, half- warning) House."
+House, Your partner said...
+House, ...that you left for personal reasons. But your wife said you lost a Patient.
+Taub, You son-of-a-bitch. You spoke to my wife?
+House," See, that confused me."
+House," Why would you give her a diamond if you screwed somebody else over? If you screwed HER over, I mean that could... I...."
+DOCTOR, Get that camera out of here!
+Taub, You say anything to her?
+House, Just asked questions.
+FEMALE Patient, Get them out of here too!
+Taub, (snaps) We're doctors.
+Taub, I screwed around with a nurse. It became a deal. My partners found out... and I resigned. (quietly bitter) There. Happy?
+House," If you could be a bit more descriptive, I'd be happier."
+Taub, Some people pop pain pills. I cheat. We all have our vices.
+Cuddy," Taub. I don't see it. Stay away from the family. (to House) House, start steroids and stay away from his family."
+House, Wow! You are ugly.
+KENNY, Wow. You're an ass. I have a deformity.
+House, I know. That's why you're ugly.
+House," But you're a lucky boy. Anywhere else in the animal kingdom, your parents would have eaten you at birth."
+House, Your son needs steroids.
+House, Dr. Cuddy agrees.
+JOE, Does Dr. Taub?
+House, He's not a real doctor. He's a plastic surgeon. All he cares is that your son looks good in his COFFIN.
+JOE," So, I'm supposed to beliEve you. A doctor who cares."
+House, You shouldn't care if I care.
+JOE, I don't trust you.
+House," Because... I don't think the surgery's important. You're putting your trust in someone who DOES think the surgery's important. You're willing to take chances, to risk your son's life for something he doesn't need?"
+KENNY, I DO need it!
+KENNY," (to House) I can't have real relationships, I can't Even have a real conversation. Not Even with my Dad."
+KENNY," Dad, I know you love me. But you don't treat me normal. You're always protective. The world can always go to hell. But you nEver yell at me, Even when I screw up."
+KENNY, I want to be normal.
+Wilson, We're gonna get caught.
+House, But not on film. All their camera equipment's in here.
+Wilson, Where'd you get those keys?
+House, Blue the janitor.
+Wilson, What?
+House, That's his name.
+Wilson, His name's LOU.
+House, Owe him an apology.
+House," Just watch twenty minutes of this stuff, tell me if I'm out of my mind."
+Wilson, (dryly) Finally. We have video evidence.
+TERZI, (ONSCREEN) Dr. House. Heart block plus liver failure could mean autoimmune. Maybe scleroderma.
+House," (ONSCREEN) Foreman, does that make sense?"
+Foreman," (ONSCREEN) Not without tight skin on the hands, muscle weakness, and a thirty-year-old Patient."
+Wilson, Can I see that again?
+House," What did you miss? She screwed up, I didn't..."
+Wilson," No, just the part where she leans forward. I think you can see through her dress."
+TERZI, (ONSCREEN) Upper GI bleed. Could be from something he ate or drank. Maybe a peptic ulcer.
+House, (ONSCREEN) Good.
+Wilson, You... thought... that was a good idea?
+House, What am I going to do?
+Wilson, (laughs) Just... enjoy.
+House, I'm gonna to keep her around because she makes me an idiot?
+Wilson," Well, you're protected. Foreman seems immune."
+House, You think he's gay?
+Wilson, Did he become an idiot around Chase?
+House, (ONSCREEN) I just said it's not a nasal tumor...
+Wilson," Wait a minute. Rewind that. Was that Thirteen? (grins, chuckles) Wow!"
+House, I can't beliEve I'm that guy.
+Wilson, EveRY guy is that guy.
+House, I'm not Every guy.
+Wilson, What is this - seMantics here? Okay... ALL guys are that guy.
+House, I'm not all guys.
+House, Cameron was smart.
+Wilson," You know, I'm beginning to doubt that."
+Cameron," I wanted to clarify something I said earlier. I love Dr. House. And then I qualified it. Which, after thinking about it, I didn't really need to do. I did love being around him. I guess... I just wanted to qualify what I qualified before. (beat) I'm looking defensive, aren't I?"
+Chase," No, no. I think that's great. It clears Everything up."
+Cameron," It's no big deal, really."
+Taub, There's a masked lesion in the left anterior temporal lobe surrounded by edema.
+House, Did you just insult me in Pig Latin?
+Taub, Dr. House. Please. Will you just take a look at this?
+Taub, The defect is causing this nodular shadow here. You see?
+House, You're right. I didn't see that before. [House looks down at Taub.] Come on. Let's go!
+House, Hey.
+House," I know you think you're feeling better... on account of feeling better, but this trusted family doctor thinks that he's found a masked lesion, so if you could lie back down and struggle to breathe...."
+Taub, Okay. You were right.
+Taub," I'm thrilled I'm wrong. This is great, Kenny. You're gonna get your surgery now."
+KENNY," (to House) First person I'm comin' back to see... is you. 'Cause compared to me, you're gonna look like butt."
+JOE, Hey.
+KENNY, What? No comeback?
+House, (to Taub) Look at that.
+Taub, What?
+House, His little finger. It's twitParkng.
+Taub, No... it's not.
+House, Just give it a second.
+House, There.
+Taub, And?
+House, He's not better.
+JOE, What's wrong?
+House, My diagnosis. I don't know what he has.
+House, Cancel the surgery.
+House, New symptom. Involuntary muscle movement.
+TERZI, (disbelieving) TwitParkng finger is a symptom?
+House, The body doing something it's not supposed to do is the DEFINITION of a symptom.
+Taub, Kid's about to have a life-changing operation. He's nervous.
+House, Or he's not.
+Foreman, Or you were right. Kid got better when we put him on steroids. This is JRA. And it's under control now.
+House, Or the steroids have just tempered his condition.
+House," You get a haircut, and still got bad hair."
+Thirteen, What about Lyme disease?
+Thirteen," It explains Everything - the heart issues, the internal bleeding, Even why he'd get better on steroids."
+House," On the other hand, if he has Lyme Disease, there would be other subtle clues, like a huge, target-shaped rash. But thanks for playing."
+Taub, Why can't you just accept the fact you cured this kid?
+Taub, (accusing) You want to stop his surgery! You're not normal.
+Taub, So you don't want anybody else to be normal. You don't think normal's healthy.
+VOLAKIS, (timidly) Could be rheumatic fEver. Also explains why the steroids helped - it's a similar inflammatory disease.
+COLE, Rheumatic fEver doesn't explain liver failure.
+House, Taub thinks that acetaminophen does.
+Taub," Fine. Let's test your theory. Remove his pacing wire. If he's better, his heart'll beat just fine on its own, and then he can have his operation."
+House," If I'm right, his heart will stop. (beat) Kutner, keep the paddles on stand-by."
+House, Another chance to blow someone up.
+Taub, (VOICEOVER) There'll be some minor discomfort...
+Taub," ...and you'll feel a slow, steady pulling sensation."
+JOE, Are you SURE his heart is ready for this?
+House, Absolutely.
+House," He's convinced he's sure. Whereas, I care about your son, and have therefore brought a professional defibrillist."
+Taub, (confidently) We're not going to need those.
+KENNY, Dad. I feel fine. My finger hasn't moved in a while.
+JOE, Okay. Take 'im off.
+Taub, Here we go.
+Taub, Heart rate's 85 beats per minute.
+Taub, BP 110 over 70.
+JOE, Is he okay?
+KENNY, I feel the same.
+Taub, (to House) He's fine.
+Taub, (to Kenny) You're fine.
+JOE, Thank God.
+House," What you do mean, 'Thank God'?"
+House, (over his shoulder) God's the guy who gave it to him.
+JOE, Thank you.
+JOE, Thank you.
+DARNELL, Can you tell us about the procedure?
+SURGEON, We have to use both an extra- and intra-cranial approach to get enough exposure to reduce the encephalocele cyst and do the bony reconstruction.
+DARNELL, (to Thirteen) And how are you participating in the procedure?
+Chase, She's not. (smiles)
+Thirteen, They don't want me here because they think the kid's cured. I don't.
+DARNELL, And what do you think the pRoblem is?
+Thirteen," Wish I knew. I just know that if Dr. House is right,(looks over her shoulder) something's gonna go wrong."
+DARNELL, Dr. House doesn't think he's right.
+Thirteen," Well, then I'll just waste a few hours watParkng the surgery."
+Chase," See, the danger is..."
+Chase, ...we have to reconstruct all the way down to the cranial base...
+Chase, ...and there are some big vessels down there. So what we'll do is work our way down to here...
+Thirteen, When were these pictures taken?
+Chase," Well, about three weeks ago. Why? What do you see?"
+Thirteen," Well, the acanthosis nigricans was already there."
+Chase, (condescendingly) It's... been there a lot longer than that. (to the camera) PRobably his whole life.
+Thirteen, What about around his hairline?
+Chase, What? There's no discoloration.
+Thirteen, There is now.
+House," I have a new theory. Her bad ideas don't indiCate a lack of intelligence, they indiCate an open mind, the willingness not to be trapped by conventional...."
+Wilson, You've got a pRoblem.
+House, Tell me something I don't know.
+Wilson," You hire beautiful girls, enslave them..."
+Wilson," ...force them to be around you because you don't know how to have an actual relationship. If they're qualified, keep them. If they're not, fire them... and ask them out."
+House, You DO realize that 'tell me something I don't know' is just an expression.
+Wilson, Thirteen...
+House, You think that just because she's as beautiful ... ergo...
+House, ...you think that because she hasn't had a decent idea....
+Wilson," No, my point is, she's about to enter your office, so you should shut up!"
+Thirteen, You were right about the diagnosis.
+House, Yes. It was JRA. I'm very proud.
+Thirteen," No, I mean you were right about being wrong."
+Thirteen, He's got Lyme Disease. It explains Everything.
+House, Would you just hold up some fingers so I can see if I'm literally blind? We ruled out Lyme Disease HOURS ago.
+Thirteen, All the symptoms fit.
+House, I am so ashamed. (to Wilson) She really that good looking?
+Wilson, Apparently.
+House, How Many lives have been lost because of pretty girls?
+Thirteen, The target rash is hiding!
+Thirteen, No one Ever looked at him closely enough.
+House, She's getting uglier by the second.
+House," We can try and pretend we're above it. We can try and intellectualize it away, but ultimately, shiny, pretty, perky things are good, and ugly, misshapen teenaged boys are repulsive."
+DARNELL, The question was... do you resent Dr. Cuddy's interference in your practice?
+House," Oh. Well, then, I guess my answer wasn't very helpful, was it?"
+House, Mini-stud. Stand up.
+House, I spoke to your other partner.
+Taub, After Cuddy told you...
+House," No, I stayed away. Did it all over the phone. I asked for a reference, said you were applying for a plastic surgery job."
+Taub," Oh, God."
+House, Yeah. (beat) He went nuts. Apparently you signed a non-compete. Now why would you agree to that?
+Taub, I don't want to practice plastic surgery.
+House," You sign a contract because someone's making you, someone's getting something from you. (coldly) What did they give you in return?"
+Taub, They agreed to keep their mouths shut.
+House," So, you gave up your chosen career, just so they'd be quiet."
+Taub, I love my wife.
+House, You risked this job. With nothing to fall back on.
+Taub, I thought you were wrong.
+House, Sit back down.
+Kutner, You're keeping him because he's a philanderer? Where do I sign up?
+House," (reprovingly) Ask the Mormon. (explaining) I'm keeping him because he's interesting. (briskly) Dr. Terzi, would you please stand up?"
+House," Nice. [House frankly admires her.]I have treated you unfairly. [House walks over to her.] PreJudged you. And for me to be a better person, I have to rectify that situation. (bluntly) You're fired."
+House, You... wanna grab some dinner?
+House, Maybe a movie? Seriously.
+DARNELL," (ONSCREEN) Just days ago, with Kenny's condition worsening, it was Dr. Gregory House, reassuring Kenny and his father."
+House, (ONSCREEN) I care about your son.
+DARNELL," (ONSCREEN) The charming House, who happens to be a film buff with a soft spot in his heart for Parkldren, tells us how he got his start."
+House," (ONSCREEN) See, I became a doctor because of the movie 'Patch Adams'."
+DARNELL," (ONSCREEN) Determined to save the boy's life, as well as keeping..."
+House, The horror.
+Cuddy," Well, it's nice of them to send us an early copy."
+House, Not so much sent... as stolen.
+DARNELL," (ONSCREEN) In the end, it was Dr. Gregory House who served as not only a doctor, but a rock for Kenny and his father."
+House, (ONSCREEN) ...You're putting your trust in somebody who DOES think the surgery's important.
+DARNELL," (ONSCREEN) House, one of those rare doctors who wears his heart on his sleEve..."
+House, God!
+House, I was saying that was a STUPID thing to do.
+Cuddy, It's difficult not to be moved.
+House," Oh, stop it! Suddenly, I don't feel I can trust Michael Moore movies."
+Cuddy, Where you going? Kittens to get out of trees? Deaf kids to read to?
+House, I owe it to the world to make sure this EVIL nEver sees the light of day.
+DARNELL, (ONSCREEN) Is there anything else?
+KENNY," (ONSCREEN) Thank you, Dr. House."
+KENNY,(ONSCREEN) Thank you.
+FINN," Parknese water torture cell was invented in 1911 by Harry Houdini. [Pulls down a black cloth rEvealing a glass tank full of water, just big enough for one person.] Nothing like new material. He was lowered head first into the water. His ankles were locked and bolted to the top of the tank. I'm going to need a volunteer."
+Kutner," [Immediately puts his hand in the air, as high as he can possibly get it.] Ooh, ooh, ooh!"
+FINN," [Points to Kutner.] The guy dislocating his shoulder, right there. [Kutner stands up looking very happy.] Yeah. Could you tell the guy next to you to come up? [Kutner hangs his head and smiles.]"
+Kutner," [Slaps Cole on the arm.] Come on, get up there, Man. Get up there, get up there! Come on! [Starts clapping, Everyone joins in.] Come on! [Cole reluctantly gets up and makes his way to the stage, Kutner gives him a slap on the backside as he's leaving.]"
+FINN," [Shakes Cole's hand as he gets up on stage.] Hi, have we met before?"
+COLE, No.
+FINN," See, if you'd said yes, you could have gone back to your seat. Now, can you vouch for this audience that this is a glass tank full of water?"
+COLE, [Looks at the tank.] Yeah.
+FINN," No, you can't. You haven't done anything yet, come on. [Drags Cole over to the tank by his hand.] Knock on the glass. Solid glass. Knock on it. [Coles knocks on the glass.] It's real water too. Ilana, splash the guy. [Ilana his assistant, who is up on the ladder next to the tank, splashes a little bit of water from the tank at Cole.] Does that feel wet to you?"
+COLE, Yeah.
+FINN, And you think that proves it's water? I think we have met. Do you know the public washroom behind the truck stop east of Omaha?
+COLE, No.
+FINN," See, if you'd said yes, that would have been so funny. Hold out your arms for me. [Cole does. Finn uses Cole's wrist to lock one end of the handcuffs.] You've done this before, right?"
+COLE, No.
+FINN," Again, two choices and you went for the unfunny one. [Takes the handcuffs off Cole and puts them on himself. He gets Ilana to lock the other side. The lights are turned off, Finn then gets his legs locked to the lid of the tank.] Now remember, there's only one thing you've got to be able to do. Drag a screaming, crying, shackled Man out of a tank of water. Up! [The lid of the tank starts to be lifted up, Finn hangs upside down.] Hey, you can swim, right? [Cole doesn't say anything.] Whoa, whoa, whoa tell me you can swim."
+COLE, Yeah.
+FINN," [Shakes his head.] Two answers Man, two answers! [Puts plugs in his nose.]"
+COLE, Is that part of the act?
+ILANA," I'm new, I think so. [Blood starts to come out of Finn's mouth, he still isn't moving.] Maybe not."
+COLE," [Points at Kutner.] Get up here! [Kutner runs up to the stage, Everyone hurries to get the tank open.]"
+House, Aww. [Gets off the scooter.] Five eager doctors and no sick people. Let us try and fill our spare time with a new challenge. The winner gets immunity...
+Kutner, I have a sick guy. I saw this magician last night...
+House, The girl's fine. He didn't really cut her in half.
+Kutner, His heart stopped while he was hanging upside down in the water tank.
+House," A drowning Man's heart stopped, that is a mystery. Along with immunity, the winner gets to nominate two..."
+COLE, He lost consciousness almost as soon as he hit the water.
+House," You have to leave work at 6:00 pm, but you make time for Man dates?"
+Amber, What's the challenge?
+COLE, Are we not allowed to be friends?
+House," No, I'm just hurt. When I asked you to come see Mamma Mia..."
+Kutner, No history of heart disease. No angina. No...
+House, He's lying.
+Kutner, About his history? ER confirmed...
+House," About Everything. He's a magician, that's what they do. He screwed up the trick, he started drowning and he got a cardiac arrest."
+Amber, You were talking about a challenge?
+House, The winner nominates two of your competitors. I will fire one of them.
+Kutner," Even if he was drowning, it would have taken longer to set off a cardiac incident without some underlying pRoblem..."
+House," Fine. Go run your tests. If you're wrong, you're fired."
+Kutner," If I'm right, do I stay?"
+House," If I say no, are you going to let your Patient die?"
+Amber, What's the challenge?
+House," We can all applaud the doctor who's willing to break all the rules. But the real hero is the unsung doctor, toiling in anonymity, because he broke the rules without getting caught. I need to know you have these skills. I need you... To bring me the thong of Cuddy. [Foreman looks up from his paper, the numbers all give House a weird look.] Not kidding. [They still all just sit there.] Thong. Cuddy. Go. [They get up and slowly start to leave, stopping before they pass Foreman.]"
+Foreman, It's how I got hired. [They leave. House rides out the other exit on his scooter.]
+Amber," If you want to stand on principle, I really respect you for that."
+COLE," It's Parkldish, unprofessional, and inappropriate. The job is not worth it."
+Taub," We should all beg off. Tell him we failed. No winners, no losers."
+Amber, Fine.
+COLE," You're going to do it, aren't you?"
+Amber, Of course I'm going to do it. [Leaves.]
+Kutner," No valvular regurgitation, no wall motion abnormalities, no structural defects."
+FINN," If you didn't sound so despondent, I'd say that was good news."
+FINN, [To Kutner.] Why isn't it good news for you?
+FINN, [Laughs.] Seriously?
+Kutner, Somewhat seriously. Your legs?
+FINN, Haven't noticed anything out of the ordinary.
+Kutner, Shortness of breath?
+FINN, Would it help if I puked? [Shoves a deck of cards in his mouth and starts pulling them out like he's puking them. Then he picks them up and holds them in front of 13.] Pick a card.
+FINN, Pick a card.
+FINN, Would you please pick a card?
+FINN, Your boss is an idiot. Put it back. [13 puts the card back in the pile. Finn hands the deck to her.] Shuffle 'em up.
+FINN," Either I'm dying or I'm not. I mean, I don't want the ride to be over. [Takes the cards back.] But unless worrying is some new form of treatment... [Pulls a card from the deck and shows it to 13.] Your card."
+Kutner, I'm going to prep you for a transesophageal echo.
+FINN, [Looking through the cards.] You sure you shuffled these?
+Kutner, And I'm going to need to sedate you.
+FINN," Might want to check your wallet first. [Kutner ignores him.] Would you check your wallet? It's part of the trick. [Kutner sighs, takes out his wallet from his back pocket and hands it to Finn. Finn opens it and it bursts into flames.] Whoa. [Closes it, the flames go out, Finn blows the top of it. Opens it again and shows 13 the ace of spades sitting in the wallet.]"
+Kutner, Do it again. [Finn just hands Kutner's wallet back and lies back down.]
+Amber, Thought you weren't playing?
+Taub, I'm not.
+Amber, She'll fire you if she catches you.
+Taub, I don't think she can fire me for not trying to steal her panties.
+Amber, You trying to will them off?
+Taub," If I had a plan, the first part would be not telling YOU what the plan was."
+Amber, [Looks at the coffee in Taub's hand.] You haven't touched that coffee.
+Taub, Yes I have.
+Amber," She can't keep her panties on if they're wet. [Taub looks at Amber.] We work together. One wins, protects the other."
+Taub," Or I win by myself, and then you try desperately to convince me to spare you."
+Amber, Dr Cuddy. [Taub trips over and the coffee goes all over the floor as well as on himself.]
+Cuddy," Dr Taub, are you okay?"
+Taub," I, I just tripped, I'm so sorry."
+Amber," I have some extra time, do you need any help in the clinic?"
+Cuddy," Uh, okay. [Hands the file to Amber, and grabs another one off the pile. They both leave Taub to clean himself up]"
+Kutner, We found no apparent cause for the arrest. T.T.E. And T.E.E. rEvealed no...
+Foreman," Send the Patient home, you can give him a lift."
+Kutner," We checked for clots, we checked for..."
+Foreman," You're reporting to me because you're scared to report to House, because you found nothing, because this isn't a case. [Laughs.] And you thought I'd save your ass."
+Kutner," Yeah. [Foreman looks at him.] I thought he was sick, what was I supposed to do?"
+Foreman, What about his lungs? Decreased oxygen saturation leads to heart failure.
+Kutner, ER didn't find anything.
+Foreman," ER wasn't looking, too busy trying to keep him alive. Get an MRI. [Leaves.]"
+Woman, Clinic.
+Amber," Yes, can you ask Dr. Cuddy to come to the nurse's station? Stat."
+Woman, Right away.
+Amber, I asked you to get doctor...
+NURSE, Dr. Taub said she'd be right out.
+FINN, A fungus in my lungs? How would I Even get something like that?
+Kutner," Right now, it's just a theory. We don't Even know if it's..."
+FINN, I knew I shouldn't have done those mushrooms in college.
+Kutner, I'm sure there's no connection.
+FINN," It was a joke. You really lose your sense of humour when your job's on the line, huh?"
+Kutner," Sorry, most dying people don't really like to... Not that you're dying. [Pushes the button to move Finn into the MRI maParkne.]"
+FINN," But a little sick would be perfect, right?"
+Kutner, Yeah.
+FINN," Ah, ow, ah! Ow! My stomach!"
+Kutner, Stabbing or thRobbing? [Pulls Finn out of the maParkne. Sees a big bruise on his side.] Grey turner's sign. He's got internal bleeding.
+Kutner," [Looking please with himself.] No trauma. Could be liver disease, Vitamin K deficiency. The only thing we know for sure it's not... nothing."
+Kutner, Hey. [Starts to bend down to help.]
+Taub, Ahem. [Holds up a pair of black panties.] Eau de Cuddy.
+COLE," No way, how did you get them?"
+Taub," Only one way. [Throws the panties to Cole, House catches them with his cane.]"
+House, These are not Cuddy's panties.
+Taub, You don't think that I...
+House," No. Also, she's wearing a red bra today. [Everyone looks at him.] Like I'm the only one who noticed. Means the downstairs will match."
+Foreman," Do your research, people. An intestinal infarct could be linked to the cardiac arrest."
+House, [To Amber.] Hike up your skirt.
+Amber, [Laughs.] Wow that's rude Even for you.
+House, Hike it down then. You're wearing a black bra. Let's see the underwear.
+Amber, No!
+House, You two cut a deal.
+Amber," If you're not cheating, you're not trying hard enough."
+Kutner, So you're not wearing any underwear?
+Foreman," Uh, there's a guy bleeding."
+House, Foreman. She's not wearing any underwear. You used to be more fun.
+Foreman," She's not wearing any underwear - Big deal. When she stops wearing clothes, then we can drop the medical stuff."
+House, Let me see the MRI film.
+Kutner," We didn't get any images, he started screaming as soon as I turned it on."
+House, Define soon.
+Kutner, Uh... I didn't Even get a chance to sit down.
+House, You guys Ever wonder how he was going to get out of that water tank? You. [Points to Kutner.] Come. [They leave.]
+SURGEON, Lacerations in his digestive tract and his spleen is shredded.
+House," Ladies and gentlemen, I have nothing in my hands, nothing up my sleEve. I do have something in my pants, but it's not going to help with this particular trick. Watch closely. [Sticks his hands into Finn. Looks at the surgeon.] How you been?"
+SURGEON," Fine, until now."
+House," [Nods, and continues feeling around inside Finn. Pulls out a small key.] Ta-da. [Shows it to Kutner.] Now you... disappear. [Kutner leaves.]"
+House, Look familiar? The MRI's magnet ripped this through your intestine into your spleen.
+FINN, Forgot about that. On account of almost dying. Where's Dr. Kutner?
+House," He's no longer on your case, because there's nothing wrong with you."
+FINN, I didn't screw up that trick.
+House," Everything that's happened can be explained by you being forgetful and incompetent. You screwed up, you passed out..."
+FINN, Know my favourite time to lie? When my life hangs in the balance.
+House, Your life doesn't hang in the balance. You know your life doesn't hang in the balance. Your reputation might hang...
+FINN," You Ever do magic as a kid? You seem like the type. Lonely, obsessive."
+House, I outgrew it. You?
+FINN, [Holds the cards out to House.] Pick a card.
+House, Too much trouble. Can I just pick my nose?
+FINN, I am not a hack.
+House," [Takes a card.] If I tell you how it's done, will you go home? [Looks at his card, 6 of spades. Puts it back in the deck.] So you going to make it magically appear in my wallet? [Finn throws the cards at the glass wall. The Jack of hearts sticks there.] You are a hack. [House pulls the jack off the window to rEveal the 6 of spades on the other side of the glass. House is surprised, he looks at Finn, then back at the card and rubs the window just to make sure it is on the other side.]"
+FINN, I don't screw up. [Finn starts bleeding heavily from his nose.]
+House, A nosebleed that major means he's actually sick. Means the cardiac arrest was a symptom. [Looks at Kutner.] Stop gloating.
+Kutner, I'm not gloating.
+House, Then what's that smirk?
+Kutner," No smirk, this is how I look."
+COLE, What about the underwear challenge?
+House, I declare it officially on hold.
+COLE," Not really fair, but I get it. [Throws a pair of red panties on the table, Everyone is surprised, House looks at Amber. Amber stands up and pulls her skirt down a little to show that she is still wearing hers. House looks over at 13 who looks disgusted by the thought.] It's Cuddy's."
+House, [To Cole.] Pull down your pants.
+COLE, You think I'm lying?
+House," No, I want to give you a reward. Yes, I think you're lying. Cardiac arrest plus nose bleed, Go."
+Amber," What if it isn't his heart? What if it's the vessels around his heart? Polyarteritis nodosa causes cardiac symptoms and hypertension, which makes his nose bleed."
+Taub," You know what else makes your nose bleed and your heart race? Cocaine. Guy works in a B-List nightclub in Atlantic City, he's got to be taking regular rolls in the snow."
+House," You, [Taub] take the gloater to the Patient's drug den. Make sure you pat down his pockets before you leave. You [Amber] and Big Love, biopsy a blood vessel from around the heart, test for polyarteritis nodosa. You... [13] In my office."
+House," I know. Hypothetical. A young Woman does something clumsy in public, and instead of laughing it off, she gets irrationally upset. Explain."
+House, But this girl's not insecure. Seems more like she's afraid.
+House, I think you're hiding a medical condition.
+House," Doctors often try to ignore their symptoms because they think they can't get sick. If you've got something going on, I need you to take care of it."
+House," It's not compassion. It's self interest, I want my team healthy."
+House, Okay.
+Taub, Found some pot.
+Kutner, Bag it.
+Taub, I'm not sure it really fits the symptoms.
+Kutner," Of course not, but it'd be irresponsible to leave it here. [Sees a fortune telling maParkne.] You have a quarter?"
+Taub, No.
+Kutner, How did Cole get those panties off Cuddy?
+Taub, They were nEver on her. No way those are hers. [Finds some rabbits in a cage.] Uh-Huh. Tularaemia.
+Kutner, [Still playing with the maParkne.] Nah he'd have to have rabbits.
+Taub," True. Maybe, a tick jumped from a rabbit and landed on one of these white, fluffy alligators. [Kutner turns around and sees the rabbits.] Then it jumps onto our Patient, transfers the bacteria, causes pericarditis. Explains Everything."
+FINN, What are you giving me?
+House, How'd you do the trick?
+FINN," Oh, if I explain it becomes mundane, and you lose the actual magic."
+House, What do you mean the actual magic? Think you're actually sawing women in half?
+FINN, You going to tell me what's wrong with me or not?
+House, [Connects the IV up.] Magic is cool. Actual magic is oxymoronic. Might not Even be oxy.
+FINN, You're not going to tell me unless I tell you? [Laughs.]
+House, You got a nurse to plant the card.
+FINN, I can't get a nurse to help me pee.
+House, You got a buddy to plant the card.
+FINN, The fun is in not knowing.
+House," [Grabs some scissors and cuts the IV line, Finn is shocked.] The fun... [House opens his hand to rEveal it was just a trick.] Is in knowing."
+FINN," [Grabs his head.] Oh, my head. Oh! I got a headache."
+House, How bad? Is it new?
+FINN," It's not too bad. I'll-I'll just take one of these... [Pours pills from one hand into the other.] Vicodin. [House grabs the now empty Vicodin bottle out of his pocket. Sticks his hand out to get the pills back, Finn holds his hand over House's and then opens it, but nothing falls out. House rolls his eyes.]"
+House," You eat a lot of beets, you have an electric toothbrush, and you sleep less than six hours a night."
+FINN, That's impressive.
+House," The red betamine from the beets stains the plaque deposits on your teeth, which are then swirled by your spinning toothbrush. Your heavy lids and your prematurely aging skin tell me that you're carrying a major sleep Debt."
+FINN, That was way cooler before you explained it.
+House, It was meaningless until I explained it.
+FINN, People come to my show because they want a sense of wonder. They WANT to experience something that they can't explain.
+House," If the wonder's gone when the truth is known, there nEver was any wonder. You have tularaemia from your rabbits. I've put you on antibiotics, you'll be better in a couple of days. Sorry to spoil the mystery. [Leaves.]"
+House, Thank you. [Pops a pill.]
+Cuddy, Because it's very important to actually do it well.
+Cuddy, I'll get it. [Bends down to pick up the Vicodin and House checks out her ass.]
+House, [Eyes boggle.] Oh. My. God. [Cuddy looks at him.] You're not wearing underwear.
+Cuddy, Of course I'm...
+House," Skirt that tight, you've got no secrets. Skirt that tight, I can tell if you've got an IUD. You seen Dr. Cole?"
+Cuddy, No.
+House, You're blushing.
+Cuddy, I am not. [Looks down away from House as she hands House his pills.]
+House," Look at me. [Cuddy looks up at him for a second, House looks into her eyes as he grabs the pills. His eyes boggle again.] Oh! [Cuddy leaves.] My! God!"
+House, How'd you do it?
+COLE, So I'm safe?
+House," In this job, yeah. [Cole smiles.] Crotch, on the other hand... How'd you do it?"
+COLE," Prayer mostly. [Elevator dings, then opens, Cole walks out down the corridor and House follows.]"
+House," Just tell me, does Cuddy have her groove back?"
+COLE, It'd be rude of me to discuss.
+House, You handed over her panties. I don't think gallantry's really an option at this point.
+COLE, If I tell you then where's the magic?
+Kutner," He passed out. Ultrasound rEvealed bleeding around his heart, we drained 100 CC's before it stopped."
+Amber, The antibiotics aren't working. It's obviously not tularaemia or any other infection.
+House," Excuse me, we were talking."
+Taub," Bleeding around the heart could mean botched biopsy, when Cole was looking for the..."
+House, Why would you accuse the Man who decides your fate of screwing up?
+Taub, Those really were her panties?
+House," Cole has travelled through the forest of crustaceans and brought us a treasure, and he has earned his reward."
+COLE," If I could just get the immunity, I would..."
+House," No, Sophie, you can't. Use whatEver criteria you want."
+Amber," If he dEveloped DIC after the surgery, Even a normal biopsy bleeds out of control."
+House," So cardiac arrest and DIC, what's the common denominator?"
+Taub, Could be cancer.
+Taub," So the main mass is somewhere else, throws up a clot, blocks an artery in his heart, causes the arrest. [House watches as 13's hand starts shaking as she tries to put the lid on a pen.]"
+House, Good. Go find out where he's hiding his cancer.
+COLE," If you've swallowed any more metal, now would be a good time to tell us."
+FINN, My hands feel kind of numb.
+COLE, Well you lost a lot of blood.
+FINN, I'm going to die.
+COLE," Everybody gets scared in a hospital. You're sick, you feel awful..."
+FINN, No. This time tomorrow. I'll be dead.
+Amber," So, who's going on the block?"
+COLE, He thinks he's dying.
+Amber, He's pRobably right.
+COLE, Tomorrow.
+Amber," You decide to put me up, I totally get it. Nothing personal."
+COLE, I haven't decided anything.
+Amber, But you don't like me.
+COLE, I like you. Some fluid in the lungs.
+Amber, No masses. I'm Manipulative. I play the game. I can be a bitch.
+COLE, There's a dark spot.
+Amber," Damage from where the key ripped through. You're pRobably expecting me to bash the others, give examples of how they screwed up, you know I can. I'm a good doctor. As good as anybody around here, pRobably better and you know that's the only thing that matters."
+COLE, What's that?
+Amber," It's not a tumour, it's another bleed. This one's in his kidney."
+COLE, And his thigh. He's bleeding all over the place.
+Amber, His timetable might be right on.
+COLE, It was creepy. The Patient predicted his own death.
+House," Would have been more impressive if he'd predicted that he wasn't going to die. Of course, that takes longer to prove."
+COLE," Could be a symptom, sense of impending doom."
+Amber," Yeah, could be adrenal gland disorders, blood issues, anaphylaxis."
+House," If you're going to kiss his ass to protect your ass, at least wait until he's had a good idea. It's a symptom of him being a charlatan. He's a second-rate magician with a mysterious illness, why wouldn't he predict his own death? If he's wrong, we all forget it, if he's right, he goes out a legend."
+Kutner," He got scared right after a transfusion. Tainted blood has been known to cause a sense of impending doom, could also explain the DIC."
+House, I predict all your pagers go off... right now. [Nothing happens.] Oh! But if it had happened...
+Foreman, Anyone bother looking at his panel? His immunoglobulin lEvels are low.
+COLE, That doesn't tell us anything specific about...
+House, Are you acting stupid because you know you're safe? ClEver.
+Foreman," Low immunoglobulin plus failing heart, plus fluid in the lungs, plus internal bleeding, equals Amyloidosis."
+Amber, He's bleeding way too much for Amyloidosis.
+House, He say anything about his hands or feet feeling weak?
+COLE," He said his hands felt numb, but that's explained by the blood loss."
+House, No! Do not give me credit for that. Close doesn't count! That's how people get sucked into this stupidity.
+Kutner, He's seizing.
+House," Somebody stabilise him. [Kutner runs off, Cole follows.] The rest of you, pull his medical records, go back ten years. Look for joint pain, fatigue, anything associated with Amyloidosis. [They leave.]"
+Kutner," Mr Finn, nod if you can hear me. [Finn nods.] You had a grand mal seizure, we're giving you liquids and an anticonvulsant, just try to rest. [Cole injects something into him.] Pulse is dropping, he's stabilising. [To Cole.] You're not going to put me on the block are you?"
+COLE, I haven't decided who I'm going to pick.
+Kutner, That's cool. [Pulls back Finn's blanket.] His legs look swollen to you?
+COLE, Slight swelling could be renal.
+Kutner, I babysat for you.
+COLE, I decided I'm going to make my decision based solely on who deserves to be here.
+Kutner," That's admirable, though stupid. You shouldn't save the strongest. You should get rid of the strongest, eliminate your competition, which is definitely not me. And I'm your friend, and how are you going to explain to your kid that I can't take him to the zoo next week because you got me fired?"
+COLE, Kutner. He's going to seize again. [Monitors go off. Finn starts seizing.]
+Kutner," Flank pain, his kidneys are shutting down. Also... [Whispers.] Amber's a racist."
+Wilson, You knew they'd get paged?
+House," I noticed a trend... If nobody does anything, sick people often get sicker. You think it's remotely possible they had sex?"
+Wilson," They're both single, it's still legal in the blue states."
+House, She barely knows him.
+Wilson," You know, in some cultures, hiring people to steal someone's underpants is considered wooing. You should move there. Because here it's just, you know, creepy."
+House, There was no woo. This was an effective test. [House scores.]
+Wilson, This is beneath my skills.
+Kutner," Kidneys are shutting down. Led to a sodium deficiency, caused him to seize."
+House, Kidney failure means I was right about Amyloidosis.
+Kutner, So kidney failure proves I'm right about the bad blood.
+House, Bad blood doesn't explain the heart or the liver.
+Kutner, His major symptoms didn't start until after we transfused him.
+House, Is cardiac arrest no longer considered a major symptom?
+Kutner, Not when it's caused by drowning.
+House, So your new theory is that you were an idiot to take this case.
+Kutner, Yes. Can I go test that theory now?
+House, Waste of time. He needs a bone marrow transplant for the Amyloidosis.
+Wilson," You'd have to irradiate him first. If they're right about the blood, you'd be destroying his immune system for nothing. [House stares at Wilson.] Which could be a good thing, does he have a really crappy life?"
+House, Go prove I'm right. Do a subcutaneous fat biopsy.
+House, You've got two hours.
+Kutner, That's completely arbitrary.
+House," No, if I'd said that you got three lunar months, that'd be completely arbitrary. Two hours is how long it's going to take Big Love to finish a biopsy that you guys can't do because you're wasting two hours checking blood. [13 and Kutner leave. House turns his attention back to Wilson and the foosball.] Nine ""� Three."
+Wilson, Five - all. [House throws the ball into the centre and they start playing again.]
+Taub, Hey. Brought you something from the cafeteria. [Cole laughs.] It's not a bribe. This is a bribe. [Hands an envelope to Cole.]
+COLE, [Looks in the envelope.] How much?
+Taub, One million dollars. [Cole just stares at him.] Five thousand dollars.
+COLE, This is so wrong.
+Taub," House specifically said you can use whatEver criteria you want. I've got money, you need money."
+COLE, [Hands the envelope back.] Hand me that slide.
+Taub," [Hands over the slide.] Right now, you're earning what I'm earning, which is miserable. I know what school your kid's at. I know what it costs. I've seen his picture. He's going to need braces."
+Kutner, No RBC damage.
+Foreman, We've still got 32 minutes left.
+House," Time flies, what have you found?"
+Foreman," You're checking up on them. That means Cole's finished with the biopsy, and it was negative."
+House," Inconclusive. Fat doesn't always give you the answer. Need to biopsy his actual organs, lungs, kidneys, liver."
+Kutner," We stick another needle in him, he'll haemorrhage."
+House, Unless we start treatment for Amyloidosis.
+House, Show me evidence of infection.
+House, He'll be dead in a day.
+Kutner, Like he predicted.
+House, No! He'll be half a day off. Would it make you guys feel any better if I let you argue with me for... [Looks at his watch.] Three minutes before I order you to treat for Amyloidosis? No. Just treat for Amyloidosis. [Starts to leave.]
+Foreman, No. Don't.
+House, You're playing the Cuddy card?
+Foreman, That's why I'm here.
+House, Amyloidosis was your idea.
+Foreman, I was wrong.
+House," Yeah, me too, you were nEver fun. Give me the blood. I'm type AB, give me the blood. [Takes off his jacket.]"
+Kutner, WhatEver's in there could be killing him.
+House, In where? How much tainted blood do you think they keep in here? How Many people would have gotten sick...
+House," [Rolls up his sleEve.] Ok. So transfuse blood from those donors. I'll be fine, we move on, treat for Amyloidosis. [Holds out his arms.] Fill 'er up."
+House, I have a new theory. You're not stubborn. You're not getting it checked 'cause you already know the answer. I found an old picture in your wallet.
+House," I wasn't snooping, I needed lunch money. Figure it's your mum, except she looks about 32 years old. The only reason not to update a photo in 20-odd years is she's not talking to you, which would be interesting, or she's dead. Which would also be interesting. [13 gives House a look.] She's dead."
+House, Pretty young to have a dead mum. You were Even younger 20 years ago. I googled her obituary. Said she died at Newhaven Presbyterian after a long illness. Parkinson's?
+House, I'm sorry.
+House, No you're not.
+House, Huntington's isn't the only thing that causes tremors.
+House, I think you're the only one on the team who drinks decaf. I've been switParkng it out with regular Ever since you dropped that file. You're trembling because you're hopped up on caffeine. The first file wasn't my fault. Medical explanation for that is... People drop things.
+House, You are.
+House," With Huntington's, it's inevitable."
+House," [Surprised.] How could you not get tested? If your mum had it, it's a 50% chance, you're a bomb waiting to explode."
+House," Yeah because if you knew, you couldn't do any of those things. [13 notices something.] What?"
+Kutner, Could be pneumococcus. That'd cause chest pain and the stiff neck.
+House, It's not pneumococcus.
+Kutner, Let me check your lymph nodes. [House slaps his hand away.]
+House," I'm not the Patient. The Patient is the one whose body is shutting down, I'm having a benign transfusion reaction."
+Amber," Pseudomonas would present as an armpit rash, take off your shirt."
+House, You first.
+COLE," House, you got to let us do this. We can't biopsy him without bleeding him to death."
+House, You are not biopsying me.
+Taub, How's your stomach? Any diarrhoea?
+House," [Sighs.] The more transfusions you have, the greater the chance of you reacting, I've had three in a decade. FEver will be gone in a couple of hours."
+Kutner, You told us to give you the blood so that you wouldn't...
+House, I am not sick.
+Taub, FEver is a symptom.
+House," But not of what the Patient has! My kidneys are working, I'm not bleeding out of Every organ."
+COLE, Yet.
+House, This is a waste of time. And it's distracting you from the actual case. [Gets up and starts to walk away but stops after a couple of steps.]
+House, The room is spinning.
+COLE, You okay?
+House," No, I'm dizzy, and my mouth just went dry."
+Kutner, Could be a symptom of any number of...
+House, It's a symptom of narcotics. [Looks at his cup of tea.] Who spiked my... [Collapses on the floor.]
+COLE," Amber's nickname is Cut-throat bitch, and you're pointing at me. Got the kidney sample."
+COLE, Could have been you. You don't seem to care if you get this job or not.
+COLE, You're the only one who hasn't asked me not to put them on the block.
+COLE, I'm going to run some stains. [13 stares at Cole.] He'll be less of an ass to you.
+House, Patient dead yet?
+House, [Look at his hands and sees that he has been tied to the table.] That's a little much for a first date.
+House, Feels like you already got the... lung and kidney samples.
+House," Hey, you might want to use a little bit of lidocaine..."
+House, You drugged me.
+Wilson, Stopped by the lab. Your mutinous team is starting to worry about life on Pitcairn Island. All your biopsies are clean.
+House, Because there's nothing wrong with me. Did Foreman finally okay the Amyloidosis treatment?
+Wilson, Patient's scheduled for irradiation at nine. [Sits down.] You risked your life AGAIN. You couldn't be sure he had Amyloidosis.
+House, You can't be sure that I couldn't be sure.
+Wilson," You did one test, it was negative."
+House, Inconclusive.
+Wilson," Well then, by all means, flood your body with possibly lethal blood."
+House," I usually like to give the lethal blood to Foreman, but I'm the only one who's type AB."
+Wilson," Of course, you're type AB. Universal recipient, you take from Everybody."
+House," Of course, you're type O. Universal donor. No wonder you're paying three alimonies."
+Wilson, How do you know... What blood type I am?
+House, [Shrugs.] I don't. Just seemed to fit the metaphor.
+Wilson," No, no, no, no, no. Did you test my blood for something? Why would you test my blood for something?"
+House, I didn't. You must have told me what you were.
+Wilson, Who the hell chats about their blood type? You had to have tested me.
+House, [Epiphany.] There's no reason to ask anyone their blood type.
+Wilson," You're about to run out of here, aren't you?"
+House," Nurse, can I have a moment with my Patient?"
+NURSE, He's due in radiation.
+House, It's too late. He's dying.
+FINN, Told you.
+House," I'm sorry I doubted you. Be a shame if your secrets died with you. Perhaps you've got that trick written down somewhere? Or maybe you want to tell me, and I'll write it down for you. That way... you can live on."
+FINN," [Laughs.] I'm taking it with me. See, that way, it stays magic."
+House," You were wrong about Everything. It was nEver magic, and you're not dying. [Finn is surprised.] What's your blood type?"
+FINN, Type A. [House smiles.] What?
+House," Trust me, it's way cooler to know."
+Foreman, Where's Finn?
+House," Up my sleEve. It's not Amyloidosis. And his blood's fine, we just gave him the wrong type. Caused the DIC, explains the bleeding, multisystem failures."
+House, That's because we don't test blood for type. We test for antibodies.
+Foreman, Because your body only makes those antibodies when you actually have that type of blood.
+House," Apparently, he has one more symptom, his body's making an extra antibody, type B. Combine that with his natural type A, and presto change-o, he magically pulls blood type AB out of his hat."
+Foreman, Would you stop that?
+House, God yes!
+House," It's happened, and apparently, it's happened again. I finally have a case of lupus. Flush him with saline, transfuse four units type A, start him on steroids. He'll be back hoodwinking idiots in no time."
+House," Big Love, rise. [Cole stands up, House gets down on one knee in front of Cole and lifts the pillow above his head.] Use their power wisely, my lord."
+COLE, I nominate... Amber.
+House," Cut-throat bitch, rise. [Amber stands up and gives a glare to Cole.] You're surprised? You're Everyone's pick. [To Cole.] Next victim."
+COLE, I nominate... Kutner.
+House, Now Everyone's surprised. [To Cole.] Why?
+COLE, You said I don't have to justify my picks.
+House," No... I said you could use whatEver criteria you want, doesn't mean I don't want to know. He was right about this being a real case, he was right about the botched transfusion and he's your love nugget. You've got no reason to pick him. [Cole hangs his head and stares at the ground.] But somebody else does. Kutner's a liability. He electrocuted himself, lit a Patient on fire, it's only a matter of time before he burns the hospital down. You made a deal with Cuddy. That's how you got her underwear. She sold it to you for the right to put her choices on the block."
+COLE," You said get her underwear, I got it."
+House, Your scheme was brilliant... and you're fired.
+COLE, You're all about breaking the rules.
+House," Her rules, not mine. The whole point of this was to subvert Cuddy. You became her partner, gave her power she didn't already have. Let her greedy fingers into my cookie jar, which, sadly is, not as dirty as it sounds. Thanks for playing."
+House, [Picks it up and looks at it.] Looks like an envelope with the results of the genetic test for Huntington's inside.
+House, I thought it'd be fun to find out together.
+House," No, you're afraid to know."
+House," I don't have to know the lottery numbers, but if someone offered them to me, I'd take them."
+REX, RoMan emperors were the real punks.
+IAN," Don't say ""punk"", it's clich�."
+REX, [leaning near Ian] WhatEver. Lemme tell you about these dinner parties.
+REX, Nero loved a good poisoning.
+IAN, At a dinner party?
+REX, He arranged one right at the table!
+JIMMY QUIDD, [drawling] I don't feel like goin' on tonight.
+FRED, [smiles] Too bad. 'Cause that's what makes the club feel like paying us.
+REX, ! This is all in the book. Titus would ply his guests with wine!
+REX, ! then bind their privates with a cord.
+JIMMY QUIDD, [calling] Hey! [to Rex] D'you get a new guitar?
+REX, [enthusiastically] '64 teardrop reissue. Not a mark on it.
+JIMMY QUIDD, All right.
+JIMMY QUIDD, [holding out his hand] Can I see it?
+JIMMY QUIDD, It's nice.
+REX, Hey! Hey! He-ey!
+REX," Hey! Cut it out, Man!"
+REX, Hey! You stupid sonuva! !
+JIMMY QUIDD," Hey, it's a hunk of wood, bro."
+JIMMY QUIDD, It should look like a hunk of wood. We're not the Philharmonic.
+JIMMY QUIDD," [chuckles] See, look, Man. It's better already."
+CLUB OWNER, [brusquely] Hey! It's 10:45. How 'bout takin' that on stage?
+JIMMY QUIDD, Now I feel like goin' on.
+LUISA MARIA, [on TV] You're my Parkld. And so were the quadruplets. And I'm not gonna give any of you up.
+CHRIS, [on TV] Don't you dare talk to me as a mother.
+House," Sign on the door says ""Closed for private Event""."
+Cuddy, You're alone.
+House," How much more private can you get? [eats some popcorn, then reaches out] Can you pass me a tissue?"
+Cuddy, Who are you keeping? You owed me a decision ten days ago.
+House," [ignores the question, points to the TV] Total amnesia."
+LUISA MARIA, [on TV] ! you Ever had. You're my whole life. You.
+House, Luisa Maria can't decide if she's gonna keep the quadruplets.
+House, She keeps them. I read it online. You happy now? I ruined it for you.
+Cuddy, I want two names by Friday.
+House, Fine. I'll arrange for a Patient with a mysterious illness to come in on Thursday. [munches popcorn]
+Cuddy, Yes. You need more tests. 'S only been! two months. Who knows how they'll react to freak weather patterns?
+House, They all did fine in the wind tunnel.
+Cuddy," Two names by Friday, or the pay overruns come out of your salary."
+LUISA MARIA, [on TV] I can hurt you. I know that now.
+Cuddy," [meaning business] And I'll move your Parking space to the ""E"" Lot."
+CHRIS," [on TV, crying] Don't Ever leave me, mom."
+House, [to Cameron] Hey! Who's the sickest Patient you got?
+Cameron, I've got a guy who'll be dead in the next ten minutes.
+Cameron, [chuckles] Ohh! You mean someone who might actually survive a diagnosis.
+Cameron," There's nothing here. Just the usual cracked heads, gunshots, false alarms."
+House, Who'd you pick to fill your narrow little flats?
+Cameron, [smiling] So you could fire them off my recommendation? Nice try.
+JIMMY QUIDD, [vo] Hey! Who do I have to grope to get some turn-down service in here?
+Cameron, Jimmy Quidd. He is a punk rock singer.
+JIMMY QUIDD, Punk rockstar to you.
+House," [checking Quidd's chart] Repeated trauma, self-cutting, fEver, arthralgia, hyperinflated chest, fatigue, anaemia, [turns the page] blood in the stool and urine. [interested] I've died and gone to diagnostic heaven."
+Cameron," [taking the chart] His blood results shows booze, cocaine, amphetamines, opiates. The only mystery here is how he made it to be thirty-eight."
+JIMMY QUIDD, [weakly pulling out a cigarette] I'm twenty-eight.
+Cameron, And he lies. And he's a pain in the ass.
+JIMMY QUIDD," [tries to get it back] Hey, c'mon."
+Cameron," No, no!"
+House, Wrap him up. I'll take him to go.
+House," Dizzying array of symptoms. Any of which could be caused by drugs, trauma, being a loser."
+Foreman, [reading Quidd's file] The guy's a walking pharmacy. Could be anything.
+House," [suddenly] Oh, forgot to mention! Final case. Get it right, you're hired. Runner-up will be decided strictly on some definition of merit."
+Kutner, [quickly] Endocarditis.
+Amber, He smoked his airways into oblivion.
+Taub, Endocarditis.
+Kutner," Ah, I already said that."
+Taub, I'd heard of it before you mentioned it.
+House, [to Taub] Speed counts. Find something else.
+House, You already picked.
+Taub, [raises his hand] I'll take meningitis.
+House, Too late. Go run your tests.
+Foreman," No, he's sick 'cause he's a drug addict."
+House," No, he has Every symptom you'd expect of a drug addict."
+Foreman, So you think it's all too perfect? Some other disease is trying to throw us off its trail?
+House," If he had four out of twenty possible symptoms, he'd be a garden-variety druggie. Twenty out of twenty, there's an underlying disease. [to the Fellows] Run your tests."
+Foreman, No!
+Foreman," He's weak, in withdrawal, just spewed blood. They're gonna rip off a piece of his lung, ram instruments down his throat, and roto-rooter his intestines. [House's lower-lip-pouts] Be nice if we didn't kill him trying to figure out what's killing him."
+House," [concedes] One diagnosis, one test at a time."
+Amber, O2 stats are low. Hyper-inflated chest. I need a bronchoscopy to!
+House, [interrupts] You just lost two points.
+Amber, What for?
+House, For thinking it makes a difference who goes first. Only one person can be right.
+Kutner, What points?
+House, Can't have an objective system of measurement without numbers. You lose three for not knowing that.
+House," From now on, only the person holding this can treat or run tests."
+House," I wanted to give you the Serpent Staff with the poison axe head, but I left it in my car."
+House, [seeing Foreman] Don't need you.
+Foreman, It's one thing to hire based on a game.
+House, Do-on't need your lecture.
+Foreman, It's insane to treat based on a game.
+House, You're not taking the long view.
+Foreman, The one where we stuff another Patient in a body bag?
+House," Nope, if we're wrong, it'll come pretty fast. The long view is the one where we pick the best team. That way we can use all the bags we save for grocery shopping."
+House," You're not buying that argument, are you?"
+Foreman, No.
+House," In which case, I'm back to my original position - don't need you."
+House, What do you think of Amber?
+Wilson, I screwed up a diagnosis.
+House, You don't seem that upset by it.
+Wilson, [stands] Diagnosed a guy with adenocarcinoma three months ago. Told him he had six months.
+House, So now you've got to tell him that he's way behind on his Christmas shopping.
+Wilson, He didn't get worse. I re-checked Everything. Biopsy was a false positive. Harmless lesions caused by talc inhalation.
+House, Medical clemency. Interesting.
+Wilson, Why would you use that word?
+House," Because I'm interested. When I'm interested, I describe the things that make me interested as interesting."
+Wilson," Most people would say ""good"", possibly ""great"". Why aren't you able to just enjoy! ?"
+House, [standing] Why aren't other people able to just be interested?
+Amber, Yeah.
+Amber," If he had a history of shoving cancer into his veins, I'd have guessed cancer."
+Wilson, I got your new test results back.
+House, Sorry I'm late.
+ McKenna, Who's your colleague?
+Wilson, Dr. House!
+House," Yes, Dr. Wilson?"
+Wilson, I really don't need the consult.
+ McKenna, I know the prognosis.
+House, Apparently not.
+Wilson," [happily] Mr. McKenna, I can't beliEve I'm able to say this, but! you're cancer-free. The biopsy looked like adenocarcinoma, But it wasn't. Harmless lesions on your lungs. You're fine."
+ McKenna, I don't get it.
+House, Cool.
+Wilson," [waving his hand at House] No, it's-it's! I know this must come as a shock, but I've double-checked the labs."
+ McKenna, [despondent] I just accepted an offer on my House. I've had three good-bye parties. I-I'm buying plane tickets to Venice.
+House, You can still use those if you're alive.
+ McKenna, I have to pay a six thousand dollars broker commission on a House I'm not selling. Money I don't have. [beat] Thank you! for letting me know.
+Wilson," I, uh, I would have thought the living would mean more than the expenses."
+House, It's not about the money.
+Amber," [sitting, happy] I have sEventeen points?"
+House, I started you all out on a hundred. And you blew up part of the building.
+Kutner, Where's Foreman?
+House, He got paged.
+Kutner, By who? Is it about our! ?
+House, By me. I needed him right away. Somewhere else.
+Taub, We're hiding from Foreman?
+House, [mock-hurt] Foreman accused me of playing games with Patient care.
+Amber, I haven't run my test yet. It still might be a lung issue.
+Amber, I'll do an open-lung biopsy instead.
+Amber, [defensively] The Patient snuck a cigarette.
+Amber, Not his fault he's jonesing? In what universe does that make any sense?
+House, [peeking from behind the whiteboard] Get him on a nicotine patch. It'll keep up with his joneses. Do your biopsy.
+Chase, How's the new us'es final case going?
+Foreman, It's a moving target. House keeps moving it so I can't find it.
+Chase, [peeking at the magazine] So! you've decided to focus on solving the pRoblem in Darfur.
+Foreman," [jerks his head towards Quidd's room] Taub is in there prepping the Patient for a biopsy. Stay close to Taub, I stay close to House."
+Chase, And stay close to the game.
+Foreman, I'm trying to stop the game.
+Chase, That's your role in the game.
+Foreman, You wander over here to annoy me?
+Chase," You're not wearing a lab coat. House doesn't wear one, does he?"
+Foreman," Damn! Now when I walk away, it's gonna look like I have a reason other than just annoyance."
+Taub, [struggling] He won't let us finish prepping him for the biopsy.
+Foreman, You try the other arm?
+Amber," [irritated] The pRoblem's not the arm, it's the entire Patient."
+JIMMY QUIDD, Ow.
+JIMMY QUIDD, Hi.
+Foreman, [to Taub and Amber] He let you check his chest. He let you do anything except check that arm.
+Foreman, He wallpapered himself with nicotine patches.
+Amber, Real rebellion has a point. It's not just juvenile and purposeless.
+JIMMY QUIDD, Maybe purposelessness is my purpose.
+Amber, [nods] Mission accomplished.
+Taub, Amber! it's not the patches. He's got blood clots moving through his body.
+Amber, [somberly] Means! I was wrong.
+JIMMY QUIDD, [mock-concerned] Oh-oh.
+Kutner," If a clot reaches his lungs or his heart, it'll kill him."
+Kutner, [protesting] It's true.
+House, We all know it's true. You just wasted our time.
+Kutner, And what you're doing?
+House, I'm not competing.
+House, Foreman was following him.
+Kutner, So you paged Taub.
+House," Didn't see that I had much choice. [re: Quidd, not Taub] He has sParkstocytes in his blood smear. Which means the DIC's causing clotting. What's causing the DIC?"
+Amber, Drug impurities.
+House, You lost your round.
+Amber," New symptom, new round. This has to be drug related."
+Amber, [arguing] Drug addicts use drugs is a stereotype? Drugs are bad is a stereotype? Losers lose is!
+Kutner, He hasn't left the country in years.
+Amber," Oh, yeah, it's much more likely that this ass punk rocker was exposed to malaria than drugs?"
+House," If you were always right, then you wouldn't have just been wrong. Or let the Patient mainline nicotine. Or ravaged my anatomical model, which Grandma House bought me when I aced my MCATs."
+Kutner, A pharmaceutical rep left that here on Tuesday.
+House, [picking up the Eyeball] Grandma does some part-time work.
+Kutner, The rep was a thirty-something babe.
+House," Thank you. I got her hips. [hands the Eyeball to ""Thirteen""] Carry it with pride."
+House," [pointing to his office] Manipulative bitch, you're wanted in the loser's circle."
+House, Why do you hate drug addicts?
+Amber, [carefully] Your situation is different. You're taking a necessary prescription.
+House, [sits] I know! I'm fabulous. And I'm not the Patient.
+Amber, I'm not allowed to have a pRoblem with junkies?
+House," You're allowed, but there's gotta be a reason. He's a Patient. You don't know him. But you hate him."
+Amber, He's throwing his life away.
+House, 'Cause he's setting his own terms? Not living in fear of Every pop quiz?
+Amber, I thought we were talking about him.
+House, [exhales] We were nEver talking about him. Why are you afraid to lose?
+Amber, [laughs] Are you gonna fire me because I like to win?
+House, Just want to know the reason.
+Amber," [pretends to think] Um, I watched this football game once. And I noticed something odd. [sarcastic] The winning team was the happy one. I did the math."
+House, Our Patient's happy.
+Amber, [softly] He's an idiot.
+House," He's a happy idiot. That screws with your world view. There's something freeing about being a loser, isn't there? Why are you afraid to! ?"
+Amber," [interrupts, irritated] Mommy didn't love me enough. Daddy expected too much from me. [beat] Something!"
+Amber," Let's assume that's true. I get how that can make me a screwed-up person. [choking] But how is my willingness to do anything to get the right answer bad for my Patients? [beat] Or put in terms you can understand, how is it bad for you?"
+Taub, I'm trying to be a good colleague.
+Taub, Didn't say good colleague to you.
+Taub, Don't care about the Patient.
+Taub, I care about my wallpaper more than I care about his life.
+Taub, I care about life. I just don't care about his. He doesn't care. Why should I? My time is better spent!
+Taub, Average doctor cuts off a Patient eighteen seconds into a history because that's all the time he's got. Meanwhile six of us are ministering to a guy with a death wish.
+Taub, Not because I'm maximizing my service to Mankind.
+Taub, [calmly] We're gonna spend the next hour looking for a guy who doesn't want to be found.
+House, [loudly over the noise] Jimmy Quidd's greatest stiff. 1989.
+Wilson, A profit-seeking entity released this?
+House," Put it out himself. He wanted people to listen, but apparently didn't want people to enjoy listening. Now, why would someone! ?"
+Wilson, Truly a mystery. Why would anyone do something just to aggravate people?
+House," Why would _you_ have a blank liability release form, plus your checkbook, on top of your desk?"
+Wilson," [annoyed] PRobably because they were in the second drawer in a Manila envelope under a book, and you put them on top of my desk."
+House, You usually keep your checkbook at home. It's your go-to excuse for why you can't lend me money. You're gonna pay the guy
+Wilson, [denying] There are other people I write checks to. I do have cable.
+House, [supportively] There's no negligence without injury.
+Wilson, I handed the guy a death sentence!
+House, He's not distressed with a death sentence. He's distressed with a life sentence.
+Wilson, I gave him three months of misery!
+House," You gave him three months of being someone special. You're paying the guy because he used to be boring, and without you he's gonna be boring again."
+House, Results of the malaria test already?
+Taub," Well, no. But, uh, we were wondering if you'd sent the Patient for any additional! tests."
+House, You lost the Patient.
+House," Taub, you check Lost-and-Found. ""Thirteen""!"
+House, Come with me.
+House, Why do you love drug addicts?
+House, I'm perfectly capable of drawing my own conclusions. Are you capable of answering a question?
+House, Admirable. Why?
+House," There's always a reason. He's a Patient, you don't know him. Why do you like him? The alcoholic parent, druggie youth. There's no such thing as a saint without a past."
+House, What makes you so sure that drugs are a mask for something else?
+House, That's the dumbest thing I've heard in my life.
+Taub, You really want this job?
+Taub, You're a person who likes her privacy working for a Man who needs to know Everything. You're a person who cares about her Patients working for a Man that cares about games.
+JIMMY QUIDD," [dramatically] ""Neither sleet nor hail nor dread of night. Ha!"""
+JIMMY QUIDD," Parkldren, I bid you! good night! And I'm off! Aah!"
+JIMMY QUIDD, Hey! which one of you guys sapped my powers?
+JIMMY QUIDD," [to different kids] Was it you? Did you take my powers? Maybe it was you. Well, no matter. See, I'm feeling stronger already."
+Taub," [calling out, waving towards the kids] We need a lot of nurses in here."
+House, Dr. Cuddy. The face that launched a thousand long faces.
+Cuddy, Get control of your Patient. Strap him to the bed if you have to.
+House, I want to keep all four.
+Cuddy, [firm] You can have two.
+House," You don't get negotiation, do you? I say four, you say three, we finally settle on three and a half. Which would be good news for Taub."
+Cuddy," You don't want four. You don't want three. But if I say three, you get to keep playing your game."
+House, [softly] Who would you pick?
+Cuddy, [genuinely surprised] Are you asking my opinion?
+House," If you have any absolute truths, that would be Even better."
+Cuddy, [uncertainly] You nEver want my advice. You spend your life trying to avoid my advice.
+House, [stands and faces her] You're a bureaucratic nightmare. You're a chronic pain in the ass. And you're a second-rate doctor at best.
+Cuddy, [smiles] Am I blushing?
+House, But you do! [conceding] know this stuff.
+House, Can we get this over with?
+Cuddy," Taub and Kutner. Taub will stand up to you. You won't like him, but you'll respect him. Kutner shares your philosophy of medicine. God knows I don't need two of you, but he will actually help you."
+Kutner, It's not malaria. Bloodwork's negative.
+Kutner, Blood exposure during sex?
+House, Stop guessing. You'll spoil the surprise.
+Kutner," If you're looking to get information out of the guy, he's not exactly the ""bare-your-soul"" type."
+House," [to Fred and Rex] Hey, I was wondering if you guys know ""The Girl from Ipanema""."
+REX, What are you doing?
+House, Nothing. What are you doing?
+FRED," That's mine, Man."
+House," Oh, you're gonna be denying that in a second."
+House," Hmm. [to Fred and Rex] Next time make sure you bring enough for the whole class. [to ""Thirteen""] He's been sharing needles with this guy. As he injected this guy's blood, his own blood attacked it, chewed it up. Those were the fragments we found."
+House," We're back to bloody vomit and his two dozen other drug or non-drug symptoms. Re-check Everything. Throw these guys out, and strap the Patient down."
+Kutner, House!
+Kutner, Respiratory failure.
+House," Good news for you, ""Thirteen"". 'Cause that is definitely not drugs."
+House, [vo] The blood clots were drug-related.
+House, The coughing up blood and the respiratory arrests are still on the table.
+Amber, Inhalants!
+House," If I'd wanted a knee-jerk drug diagnosis, I would have told Foreman where we are."
+Amber, He knows where we are.
+House, [angry at Amber] Because he followed you!
+Foreman, I followed Taub.
+Taub, [points to Amber] I followed her.
+House," Yet if I wanted to forgive his Drano-drinking ways, I wouldn't ignore what you just said."
+Taub, Could be an infection.
+House," [reading a test result] Nope, lumbar puncture's clear."
+Taub," Uh, what lumbar puncture?"
+Amber, You didn't authorize that test.
+House," True, and yet, here I am with the results."
+Kutner," ""Thirteen"" thought it was bacterial meningitis."
+Foreman," It was a harmless test. The Patient's welfare still counts for something, doesn't it?"
+House, Yep. Minus fifty.
+Kutner," Chronic pulmonary embolism would explain the, uh, breathing pRoblem and the blood coming from his lungs."
+Kutner, I'll run an ultrasou!
+Amber," [interrupts] You're not running any tests. [to House, complaining about Kutner] He knows it's not PE's. The guy's D-dimer's normal."
+Kutner, That doesn't always rule out!
+Amber," You go in to run one test, run eight more like she [""Thirteen""] did, find out which one's right. Then comes back with a brilliant guess."
+House, [to Kutner] Is this true?
+Kutner, [denying] No.
+House," 'S too bad, 'cause that would have earned you forty points for clEverness. The points go to Amber. Foreman, you run the tests."
+Foreman, [deadpan] Sure. Anything I can do to help your game.
+House," [after a few seconds] He's not gonna run the tests, is he?"
+House, No.
+JIMMY QUIDD, So what's wrong with me?
+House, You mean besides your music?
+JIMMY QUIDD," [rolls his eyes] Oh, well, sure, 'cause I don't play your kind of music, it's not music, right?"
+House, Yeah. I resent you because you're not Perry Como.
+JIMMY QUIDD," [chuckles] Look, I don't! I don't play for an audience, okay?"
+House," Well, then, that stage you stand on is an odd choice."
+JIMMY QUIDD," I just! I do it for me, okay? I don't do it for you."
+House," You have three choices in this life. Be good, get good or give up. You've gone for column ""D"". Why?"
+House," Simple answer is, if you don't try, you can't fail. [beat] Are you really that simple?"
+JIMMY QUIDD," Look, you know, some people! They like my music. Most people can't stand it. But they just sort of just shrug and ignore me. But a few, they feel like they have to tell me! what I'm screwing up. You know, what I'm wasting. Why do they care?"
+House, You have some peculiar masses near your heart.
+JIMMY QUIDD, Peculiar how?
+House," Well, unlike your music, they elicit some emotional response."
+House, That's odd.
+JIMMY QUIDD, What?
+House," You care if I appreciate your music, but you don't care if you live or die."
+House, Maybe the answer is that simple.
+Wilson," I! can't apologize enough. To you, to your family. There may not be any technical liability here, but!"
+Wilson, You're ripping it up because you think it would be wrong to take money from me?
+ McKenna, I think it would be wrong to take so little money from you.
+Wilson, [shocked] You're out six thousand!
+ McKenna, You ruined my life.
+Wilson, I ruined! three months.
+ McKenna," For the first time in my life, I was living in the present. 'Cause that's all there was."
+Wilson," [confused] You're suing me not for the wrong diagnosis, but for the right one? Have you spoken to a Lawyer?"
+ McKenna, You gave me happiness! and then you took it away.
+ The points tally so far,]
+Taub, Definitely no emboli.
+Kutner, It's pretty fuzzy.
+House," Hey, for point and shoot, I thought I did okay."
+Taub, It's fuzzy because he was still shaking 'cause he was coming down from the heroin. [looks around] Where is Everybody else?
+House, The clinic's been quarantined. A Patient came in with avian-flu-like symptoms. And fifty extra dollars in spending money.
+Kutner, Can you do this echo again?
+House," [angry voice] Okay, minus five for ingratitude! No ""Thank you, Dr. House"". No ""Here's a bottle of codeine for your troubles, Dr. House"". Oh, no."
+Kutner, I was asking if you could do it again after giving him a sedative to keep him still.
+House," I could. We'd definitely get the answer. But since the opiates would decrease his respiratory drive, and he already can barely breathe, minus ten for asking me to kill the Patient."
+Taub, What if it's a congenital defect? An anomalous vessel on his heart?
+House," You know that the heart does the blood stuff, right? And the lungs do the breathing."
+Taub, If the vessel wrapped around his trachea?
+House, What do you want me to do?
+Taub, MRA. See if you can get a clear picture of that vessel.
+Taub, [stammering] What-w-wait-what-what-why?
+House, You said the picture sucked because the Patient was shaking. MRA will be worse.
+Taub, We have to get a picture.
+House, You were doing better before you had a good idea.
+Taub, How can we see it if we don't take a picture?
+House," [thinks] You can see me, right?"
+House, We want to look at his heart. With our eyes.
+Chase, So I kill the Patient on my operating table. You get to keep testing your team and I take the heat from Cuddy.
+House," If it goes that way, yeah, that'll be excellent."
+Taub," His respiratory status is through the floor. If there's a vessel and we don't remove it fast, best case, he's on a ventilator for life."
+House," Granted, it'll be a short one. Who do you think I should hire?"
+Chase, You want me to tell you in front of him?
+House, It would be rude to ask him to leave now.
+Taub," [to Chase] If you don't do the surgery, Patient will die. You'll have had nothing to do with it. And Everyone will know that you had nothing to do with it. And Everyone will know that it's because you were pissed off at House for firing you."
+Chase," [protesting] You know that's not why I'm saying ""no""!"
+Taub, [interjects] But that's how it's gonna play out.
+Chase, [to House] Keep him and Amber. You'll get stuff done. [nods to Taub] Prep him for surgery.
+Chase, This isn't an anomalous vessel. Look at these lymph nodes. Way too big.
+Chase, There are the masses you saw.
+Taub, 70 over 40. He's crashing.
+Chase, Two units of PRBCs.
+Taub, Starting dopamine. We're losing him!
+Foreman, So! how's your game going?
+House, It's not whether you win or lose.
+House," Respiratory failure. Enlarged lymph nodes. WhatEver this is, he's not gonna be breathing much longer."
+Amber, Does Foreman being here mean the game's over?
+House, It means the Patient's life is almost over. You can call it what you want.
+House," We're done, people! Come on! I need an idea and I don't care who they come from."
+Foreman," 'Course you do. This is still a game. You're still gonna reward whoEver gets the right idea, punish whoEver's wrong. Hire who you want, get this over with."
+House," ""Thirteen"", Kutner."
+House, I'm sorry. Go home.
+House, Doesn't matter. He just told me that I've gotta!
+Kutner," Lungs are stiff, could be ARDS."
+House, You fluid-overloaded him. Anyone's lungs would leak after that surgery. Good-bye.
+House, No sign of bronchospasm.
+Kutner, [stands] What if the lymph nodes are caused by chronic stimulation of his immune system? Impurities in his drugs could have caused!
+House, Drug diagnosis. That's what you're going with?
+House, That firing thing! was all a dream.
+House, Go find where he gets his drugs and what's in them. Put him on dimercaprol for heavy metal poisoning.
+House, [purses his lips] Competition works.
+Amber, So you're not gonna tell me who sells you drugs?
+JIMMY QUIDD, Why does it matter?
+Amber, You're dying. Does that matter?
+JIMMY QUIDD, [swallows] Not really. [exhales heavily] I'm not an adult. I nEver wanted to be. So if the choice! is running out the clock with a walker! and a bedpan!
+Amber, [softly] You don't regret anything?
+JIMMY QUIDD," Well, there was a lot of drugs. A lot of drinking. A lot of fights. [swallows] I regret Everything else."
+JIMMY QUIDD," You hate me, don't you?"
+Amber, [closes her eyes] Yeah.
+JIMMY QUIDD, I don't care. [swallows]
+Amber, [whispering] What's it like?
+JIMMY QUIDD, Means you have no regrets.
+Wilson," Kinda sticks in your head, doesn't it?"
+House, This guy's amazing. There's not one redeeming note.
+Wilson, What sort of a Lawyer tells his client he's got a case because he's going to live?
+House, I've heard that not all Lawyers are as ethical as the ones we see on TV.
+Wilson, I don't think this guy Even has a law degree.
+House," A lot of the guys on TV don't, either."
+Wilson, [looks accusingly at House] I think he has a medical degree.
+House, It directly affects my bottom line. You have less money to lend!
+Wilson, [mad] I'm trying to take responsibility!
+House, And I'm trying to teach you that Everyone is out for theirs. You might as well keep yours.
+Wilson, And lend it to you? You have to control Everything. How come you're going around asking Everyone who you should fire?
+House, I'm asking for input! I thought you would have admired the humility.
+Wilson, You like games because you can control them.
+House," [pointing at the record player] God, I'm gonna put the record back on."
+Wilson," You like what's interesting, nEver mind if it's real or good!"
+House, [stands] Wanna know why you offered that guy six grand?
+Wilson," Life just happens, and that scares the hell out of you!"
+House, You think you can cure pain!
+Wilson, [Even louder] You think you can avoid pain!
+House," You think you're responsible for Every failure, Every! Patient's boring life, Every friend's screwed-up! !"
+Wilson, You don't want to face it any more than my Patient does! Dying's easy. Living's hard!
+House, That can't possibly be as poignant as it sounded.
+Kutner," Uh, still can't find the drug source, but I don't think that's the pRoblem. The dimercaprol isn't working. [adding] And Quidd volunteers at a home for abandoned kids."
+House, Why are you telling me this?
+Kutner, Because his bass player told me.
+House, Is it medically relevant?
+Kutner, I dunno.
+House," Well, then why are you! ?"
+Wilson, [to House] Stop playing games and do your job.
+House, [to Wilson] No.
+House," This time, I'm firing Taub and Amber."
+Amber," This is a joke, right?"
+House," It's only a joke if you come up with the answer. It's not really funny if you don't. ""Thirteen"" and Kutner, you're fired too. Foreman!"
+Foreman, He's a druggie. I was nEver sure there was a disease in the first place.
+House, So all we know is that he's dying. [to the Fellows] Who wants to tell the Patient?
+House, Fine. We'll get some kid to go talk to him. It's the only people he gets along with anyway.
+Amber, [apprehensively] Are we still fired?
+House, He works with abandoned kids?
+Kutner, [pettily] Is it medically relevant?
+House, [epiphany-time] I think so.
+House, I need a brain biopsy.
+House, [clarifying] For the Patient.
+House," Stop it. [to Taub and ""Thirteen""] You two switch."
+[He makes them stand in a line in this order," Amber, ""Thirteen"", Taub and Kutner.]"
+Cuddy, You want to drill into a skull of a Patient who almost died on the operating table yesterday?
+Cuddy, [re: the Fellows] Why are they here?
+House, Because I wouldn't have gotten the answer without each of them.
+Cuddy, You could have just told me.
+House," I want you to feel guilty. [points at Amber] She thinks the Patient's a loser. [""Thirteen""] She thinks the Patient's a winner. Just a regular guy with a regular pRoblem. [Taub] He thinks he's gonna be great once he's all growed up. [Kutner] And he thinks! what did you think?"
+Kutner, Autoimmune.
+House," Right. Less interesting, but just as important."
+Amber, We can't all be right.
+House," You're all wrong. My mom always said that two wrongs don't make a right. She nEver said anything about four wrongs. I always found that suspicious. [points his cane at ""Thirteen""] Plain old measles. [points at Taub and Kutner] Constant exposure from hanging out with Oliver Twist and his lot."
+Cuddy, I assume he's been vaccinated.
+House, [points to Amber] Patient's immune system was shredded with years of drugs. They're early markers of rash and fEver. Would have been lost in a druggie. His immune system overreacted. That's why his body went haywire.
+Cuddy, That's clEver.
+Cuddy, You're not doing a biopsy without neurological symptoms.
+House," If I'm right, the virus is in his brain. Wrong course of treatment could be his last course."
+Cuddy, [slowly and firmly] I need a neurological!
+Amber, [cuts in] He kept swallowing. Could be neurological. Could be a complex partial seizure.
+House, What did it look like?
+House," [to Cuddy, mock-urgently] Good! God, Woman. How much more proof do you need?"
+Cuddy," If you can induce a seizure, you can have your biopsy."
+House, Hu-up!
+Kutner," We're gonna use flashing lights. Noxious stimulation, it'll irritate your brain. If there's damage to your neurons, it'll trigger a seizure that we can!"
+House, I got something much more noxious.
+House," It's not as commonly used, but sound can be just as big an irritant."
+House," [loudly over the cacophony] Now remind me of your influences here. 'Cause I'm gonna say, Thelonious Monk and the sound a trash compactor makes when you crawl inside it."
+House, I don't do it for you. I do it for me.
+House, [to Kutner] What do you think? Is he seizing or dancing?
+Kutner, [just as calm] Seizing.
+House," Play him the ""B"" side. It's Even worse. Schedule an OR for the biopsy. See you in the lecture hall."
+House, A little mood music. Build the suspense.
+Kutner, Sounds more folky.
+House," You seriously have no idea when to shut up, do you?"
+House," Amber, please stand."
+Amber," You didn't call me ""bitch"". Is that bad?"
+House, You play the game better than anybody else here.
+House, But for the wrong reasons.
+Amber, Reasons don't matter. Results are the only thing!
+House," You were wrong. [beat] Twenty years ago, [points to the record player] this was recorded by Jim Moskowitz. Who later became known as Jimmy Quidd. Loves kids, apparently has a heart, perhaps Even a soul. If you're gonna work for me, you have to be willing to be wrong, willing to lose. 'Cause you just did. [somberly] You're fired."
+House," ""Thirteen"", please stand."
+House, You're fired.
+House," He was a drug addict. [beat] Four applicants, two spots. If I had three, I'd keep you."
+House, Game over!
+Amber, [sullenly] You're gonna have to grow old after all. You've got measles. We're blasting you with corticosteroids.
+JIMMY QUIDD, What's wrong with you?
+Amber, I got fired.
+JIMMY QUIDD, W-what are you doing here?
+Amber, Trying not to care.
+JIMMY QUIDD," Yeah. Yeah, that's not easy."
+Cuddy, What the hell did you do?
+House, [shrugs innocently] You told me to hire Kutner and Taub.
+Cuddy, Because I knew you wouldn't.
+House, Oops.
+Cuddy, I can't let you hire two men.
+House, Now that is sexist.
+Cuddy, You've already got Foreman.
+House, Is he a dude?
+Cuddy, [conceding] Hire a Woman too.
+House, Hire two women.
+Cuddy, You can have the one that gives a crap about people.
+House, [seriously] They both do.
+Cuddy," Right. Hire ""Thirteen""."
+[CUE MUSIC," ""Spirit in the Sky"" by NorMan Greenbaum.]"
+Cuddy, This was your plan all along.
+Cuddy," Well, at least the games are over."
+House, [sideways] How long have you known me?
+MAGGIE, You okay?
+Jane, I'm thinking.
+MAGGIE, Thinking's not going to get you to the top.
+Jane," [out of breath] Mom, you're supposed to be encouraging me."
+MAGGIE," No, I'm supposed to be coaParkng you. The slower you go, the more tired you're going to get."
+MAGGIE, There's a hold about a foot above you on the left.
+Jane, I know. [pauses and then leaps for it]
+MAGGIE," Nice grab! Keep going! You're almost there, babe."
+Jane, [struggling to find a foothold] I can't. My calf's cramping.
+MAGGIE, You need to get off your toes. Get on the ball of your foot.
+Jane, I can't!
+MAGGIE," [nods] Yes, you can. You can get all the way to the top."
+MAGGIE," It's okay, I got you. You all right?"
+Jane, Looks like you were wrong.
+MAGGIE," [laughs lightly] Yeah, but you did awesome. That's the highest you've gotten, I'm proud of you."
+Jane, I don't feel so good!
+MAGGIE," Okay, come on down."
+Jane," [looks down] Mom? Mom, are you okay?"
+MAGGIE, Oh God! [losing control of her hands]
+COACH, Are you all right?
+Jane, My arm! I think I broke it.
+COACH, Don't move.
+MAGGIE," [kneels next to her] Oh Jane, I'm so sorry!"
+Jane, What happened? Did the rope break?
+MAGGIE, [almost panicking] No! My hands! [stares at her own hands] I can't move them!
+Taub," [making a cup of tea] She's been to an ortho, two neuro's, and an immunologist. None of the treatments have had any effect."
+Kutner, [licking a candy cane] You think it's over?
+Thirteen, [studying the Patient's chart] It's getting worse. Last neurologist found intermittent numbness in both arms as well as the hand paralysis.
+Kutner, I meant the game. You think he's gonna keep all four of us?
+Foreman, Said he would. No sign of upper motor neuron involvement.
+Kutner, He lies.
+House, [slightly amused tone] My ears are burning.
+Foreman, Tell him you're done firing people.
+House," Well if I lie, that would be little reassurance. [glances up and starts tearing down the streamers with his cane.] Dr. Kutner, who told you that it would be a good idea to put up superficial representations of a hypocritical season celebrating a mythical figure?"
+Kutner, [frowning] Wasn't me.
+House," He lied. [tosses a Santa plushie into the trashcan] Homie knows better, Hymie doesn't care, and Huntington's would have done a better job."
+Thirteen, [looks up at House] I don't have Huntington's.
+House, That you know of.
+Foreman, Why would you!
+House," [cuts Foreman off and trashes more streamers] Because I got sued when I called you ""Honeybuns""�."
+Kutner, [frustratedly] Am I fired if I put up �
+Thirteen," [cuts Kutner off] The point of the game was to scare us. Telling us it's over isn't scary, therefore he has no reason to say that unless it's true. [lEveling House with a challenging gaze, House smiles at her and nods]"
+Kutner, [perks up] Good. Then can we do a Secret Santa? [Foreman looks at him likes he's an idiot]
+House, I liked you better fifteen seconds ago when you were afraid for your job. [more tearing down of streamers by the coffee bar] So who's sick?
+Taub, Forty-five year old single mom. It's an odd presentation of paralysis. Any history of drug use?
+Thirteen, No.
+House, She says there's no history.
+Thirteen, She's not a liar.
+House," Okay, this is gonna be a tough case. I have almost no knowledge of alien physiology."
+Thirteen, Everyone lies but there's an exception to Every rule.
+House, Actually there isn't. That's kinda what makes it a rule.
+Thirteen, The Patient's mother died of breast cancer when she was sEven and she nEver Even knew her mom was sick. She promised herself she would nEver hide anything from her own daughter.
+House, [patronizingly] Oh! I didn't know she'd promised. [Thirteen isn't amused]
+Taub," And we're not her daughter. Patient inherited the BRCA1 mutation from her mom, she got a prophylactic double mastectomy ten years ago."
+House, She lied about it.
+Thirteen," She told her co-worker, she told her kid."
+House, She lied to the world. Reconstructive surgery is designed to convince people that �
+Taub, She didn't get reconstructive surgery.
+Kutner," Okay, we can rule out breast cancer."
+Taub," Actually, I was going to rule it in. Paralysis could be paraneoplastic. Even the best surgeon can't remove Every cell of breast tissue."
+House," MRI what's left of her chest. Set the maParkne to scan for irony. [sets his cup down, pausing] I'm going to go redo the Patient history."
+House, You mom tell you about all the drugs she does?
+Jane," [shrugs] She smokes pot once in a while, but not in a long time."
+House, What about you?
+Jane, How would that make her sick?
+House, [sarcastically] Are you a doctor?
+Jane, I'm elEven!
+House, That's not an answer. It's an evasion. [looks at his lollipop for a second] Are you drinking? You Ever sneak a drink?
+Jane, I don't do any of that stuff. It's bad for you.
+House," I understand why you don't want your mom to know, but I'm her doctor so �"
+Jane, And I would tell my mom. And I would tell you.
+House, Why?
+Jane, Because she would nEver lie to me.
+House, [won't give up yet] What's her favorite way to have sex?
+Jane, [frowns] I don't get what sex has to do with breast cancer.
+House, [rolls his eyes] Are you a doctor? Did you go to med school since the last time I asked?
+Jane, You just think we gotta be lying �
+House, [cuts her off] White lies?
+Jane, What are those?
+House, Those are lies we tell to make other people feel better.
+Jane, I don't lie.
+House, Rationalizations?
+Jane, What are those?
+House, Those are lies we tell to make ourselves feel better.
+Jane," No, we don't �"
+House, [cuts her off again] Lies of omission? [Jane looks unsure] Saddle bronc or doggie? That's sex talk.
+Jane," [a moment's contemplation] She used to like being on top, but now she likes to be on her stomach. That way she doesn't have to see them looking at her scars."
+House, It's Parkld abuse.
+Wilson, Honesty?
+House," There's a reason that Everybody lies. It works. It what allows society to function, it's what separates Man from beast."
+Wilson," Oh, I thought that was our thumbs."
+House, You wanna know Every place your mom's thumb has been?
+Wilson," I'm sorry I missed rehearsal. Am I taking the ""truth is good""� side? Don't you usually take that part?"
+House," Lies are a tool, they can be used either for good! No wait, I got a better one. Lies are like Parkldren. Hard work, but they're worth it. Because the future depends on them."
+Wilson, You are so full of love! or something. [gestures for House to pay up] When you care about someone �
+House, [interrupts] You lie to them! You pretend that their constant ponderous musing are interesting. You tell them they're not losing their boyish good looks or becoming worn out.
+Wilson," I stand corrected and may I say, it's been a real pleasure chatting with you. [directs House's attention back to the scan] Sila's clean, surgical margins looks clear. No lymphadenopathy, no masses, no nothing. It's not cancer."
+House, We need a new theory.
+Thirteen, Did you catch her lying?
+House, Not yet.
+Thirteen," Wouldn't ""no""� have been a shorter answer."
+House, Wouldn't you not talking have made this a shorter conversation? Kid says mom's a slut.
+Kutner, [incredulous] She called her mom a slut?
+House," No, I called her mom a slut. Jumps anything with a pole and a pulse. Not that I'm judging here. Given her medical history, I'm actually impressed."
+Thirteen," Maggie already admitted to having multiple sexual partners. Which is why we already tested for, and ruled out, syphilis and any other STDs that could have caused her symptoms."
+House, STDs aren't the only risk in risky sex. PRoblem in sleeping with strangers is! they're strange.
+Kutner, We'll follow up with any recent partners.
+House," Send Foreman and Taub. They're better liars, more likely to get to the truth."
+ROGER," You think I drugged her? [glances at Taub, who is about to set his coffee onto the arm of his chair] Use a coaster."
+Foreman," We're not cops. Legally, we don't care one way or another."
+Taub, But we need to know the truth so we can help her.
+ROGER, I'd known her for less than an hour and she offered to take me home. There was no need to drug her.
+ROGER, [chuckles nervously] Not that I would.
+ROGER," But she's gonna be okay, right?"
+Taub, As long as she doesn't have to pick up or hold anything. [nodding]
+ROGER," [sighs then points to their shoeless feet] Uh, sorry. I just had the floors done. Reclaimed pine."
+Taub, You always this thirsty?
+ROGER," I don't know! Water's supposed to be good for you, right?"
+Taub," [looks at Foreman] Dehydration, anxiety, aggression!"
+ROGER, I'm not aggressive.
+Foreman, Spastic chorea in his right hand.
+ROGER, [glances at his hand and shakes it uncertainly] What about my hand?
+Foreman," How much do you weight? About 180, 190?"
+ROGER, [starting to panic now] 180. What is �
+Foreman," [interrupts] You took what she did, it could take longer to hit you. Might affect you differently."
+Taub, But you didn't give her anything. Right?
+ROGER," [hesitates for a moment, smiling nervously] She was really drunk! I just gave her some E, to help enhance things."
+Foreman, Have any of it left?
+ROGER, [goes to retriEve the pills from a drawer] Is my hand gonna be okay?
+Taub, There's nothing wrong with it. [smug] We lied.
+MELANIE, I've had a sore throat for a few days now. My stomach's also been bothering me. I think my glands are swollen.
+House, [feels her glands under her throat but then is distracted by the necklace she's wearing] Saint Nicholas?
+MELANIE, [smiles] Patron saint of Parkldren.
+House," Also seamen, merchants, archers, prostitutes, and prisoners."
+MELANIE, Hmm! Must have been pretty hardworking.
+House, [shrugs] Or just a credit hog.
+House," Open wide. [shines a flashlight into her mouth] Say ""aah""�."
+MELANIE, Is it contagious?
+House, Only for the next 24 hours as long as you take the antibiotics.
+MELANIE, [worriedly] How contagious?
+House, Take a personal day.
+MELANIE, I can't!
+House, [looks at her with a mock serious expression] I'll write your pimp a note.
+MELANIE, My pimp?
+House, You're tested for AIDS Every three months and! your necklace.
+MELANIE, [amused] Prostitutes wear religious symbols?
+House," I think they just like kneeling. [smiles] You don't have the skin of a seaMan, the fingers of an archer, the clothes of a merchant, or the attitude of an ex-con. So, just leaves one left."
+MELANIE," Mmm! Two actually. [gives him a flirtatious smile] But I'm not a Parkld, am I?"
+Cuddy, You owe me 50 bucks.
+House, Then you owe me half a lapdance.
+Cuddy, It's for the nurses' holiday bonus. I know you got the memo.
+House, Got the memo last year. I want to hire forty more fellows.
+Cuddy, You already fired the ones you hired?
+House, They work better when they're scared.
+Taub, You were right. Guy slipped her Ecstasy.
+House, He have any symptoms?
+Taub, No. Kutner's starting the Patient on hemodialysis and Thirteen's in the lab trying to figure out what the guy put in the drugs. [leaves the clinic]
+House," See? Clear, simple statement of facts describing their cooperation, with absolutely no attitude or fear. [reaches to grab another Patient's file]"
+Cuddy, Something's gotta be done.
+House, Oh yeah.
+Kutner, How are you feeling?
+MAGGIE, I still can't move my hands.
+Kutner, It will take a few more hours to cycle all your blood through the maParkne.
+MAGGIE, What just happened?
+Kutner, [turns and looks around] Nothing. What's wrong?
+MAGGIE, What do you mean? The lights just went out. Didn't they?
+Jane, What did you do?
+MAGGIE, Is this from the drugs?
+Kutner," [shines a flashlight over her eyes, no response] Most of the drugs should be out of your system by now and our drugs �"
+MAGGIE, I can't see!
+Jane, [scared] Do something!
+MAGGIE, I can't see! I can't see!
+Thirteen, Nothing in the Ecstasy except Ecstasy.
+House, Well that nEver hurt anybody.
+Foreman, Can't make them blind days later.
+House," [looks at one of the slips of paper in his hands, frowning] Do you spell ""homie""� with a Y?"
+House, I want to be respectful.
+Kutner, You're actually going to let us do Secret Santa?
+House," Not just you guys. [turns around to grab a Christmas stocking and puts the slips of paper inside, shaking it up to mix them] I like presents too. [offers the stocking up to Taub] Pick a name."
+Taub, [looks suspicious] Why are you doing this?
+House," See, this is why no one likes your people."
+House," The notion of picking one time of the year to be decent to other people is obscene, because it's actually validating the notion of being miserable wretches the rest of the year."
+Foreman, So you think this is the part of the year they screwed up?
+House," On the other hand, you are now a team. Gotta work together and the simple fact is, giving people crap makes people like people so spend 25 bucks. Learn to love!"
+Thirteen, Blindness could be a complication from the hemodialysis.
+Kutner," No, the dialysate composition was within range. [looks at the name on his slip of paper, giving a nod and smiling to himself] Sweet."
+House, Interesting.
+Thirteen, The dialysate composition just indiCates �
+House, [cuts her off] IndiCates nothing. I was referring to his reaction to the name he got.
+Kutner, I was pleased. I thought it'd be fun to buy for �
+House," Means! there's someone here who wouldn't be fun to buy for. [purposeful pause as he stares at Kutner] I wonder who. [offers up the stocking to Thirteen next] Pick a name, then go check out the Patient's House."
+House, [smiles slowly] Interesting!
+Foreman, We're wasting time going to the home. Kearns-Sayer syndrome fits the symptoms. [takes a name from the stocking and tucks it into his jacket's inner pocket without Even looking.
+House, No family history of Kearns. Go to their House �
+Thirteen," [interrupts] They would have told us if there were any other drugs. You met her, she couldn't have been more candid."
+House, You're absolutely right. Go to their House �
+Taub, [cuts him off again] MS or a vascular pRoblem fits better. They could affect hands and eyes.
+House," Fine. Do an MRI, check for MS. And a fluorescein angiogram of her eyes to see if we missed a bleed somewhere."
+House, Oh! And whoEver goes to their House! get me their computers.
+House, You talk to your kid about sex so she'll think you're being open about Everything. Keeps her from asking questions about the things you don't want to talk about. [goes to grab the last name from the stocking for himself]
+Thirteen, That's right. Her honesty proves just how dishonest she is.
+House, [looks at the slip of paper] Yes! Exactly who I wanted. This is going to be fun.
+Taub," The dye may sting when it enters your bloodstream,"
+Jane," Are you scared, mom?"
+MAGGIE, [turns in the direction of her daughter's voice] Yeah. Are you?
+Jane, [nods] Yeah.
+MAGGIE, Are they?
+Jane, [looks at Foreman and Taub] They don't look scared.
+MAGGIE, Either they're confident or they just don't care. [laughs hesitantly]
+Foreman, We're confident.
+Taub, Okay if I shift you a bit? Get you into position.
+Jane, Your boss is weird.
+Taub," Yeah, he is. He thought he'd get information you may not have been telling us by!"
+MAGGIE, Being a jerk?
+Taub, You'd be surprised how often it works.
+Foreman, Choroidal flush looks good.
+Jane, Why would people lie to a doctor?
+Foreman," Dozens of reasons to lie, only one reason to tell the truth."
+Taub," You're nEver Even tempted? [glancing to Maggie] I mean, lies do sometimes smooth things out, make life easier."
+MAGGIE, Yeah? Your life easy?
+Foreman, Not Even close. Dye's reached the retinal capillary bed. No leakage.
+Jane," That's! good, right?"
+Taub, It means it's not a vascular pRoblem.
+MAGGIE, But?
+Foreman," Vascular pRoblem, we could fix."
+Jane," They look worried now, mom."
+Wilson, What's with the Secret Santa? You trying to bring them together?
+House, I want to drive them apart.
+Wilson, With gift giving?
+House," Conflict's built right into the name. Santa's about sharing, secret's about withholding. [scores a goal and continues on playing by himself]"
+Wilson," Aside from the Trojan horse, gifts don't usually �"
+House, [interrupts] What did you get your wife for your final anniversary?
+Wilson, [thinks about it for a second] Uh! a sweater.
+House, She hated it.
+Wilson, She loved it.
+House," Then you didn't buy it. [scores another goal, for the other team]"
+Wilson, I! gave her some cash and!
+House," [stops and turns to look at Wilson, obviously not impressed] Gifts allow us to demonstrate exactly how little we know about a person and nothing pisses off a person more than being shoved in the wrong pigeon hole."
+Kutner, I'm thinking of spending a few extra bucks on my Secret Santa.
+Thirteen, Bad idea. You mind if I tell House you asked them for the key instead of breaking in?
+Kutner," Yes, I do. Just another five bucks."
+Thirteen, Five will be ten. The key's proof she doesn't have anything to hide.
+Kutner, The key is proof I didn't do exactly what House told me to do. And what do you care if it's another fifteen?
+Thirteen, I'm gonna tell him. And who are you so anxious to please?
+Kutner, [scoffs and presses the elevator button as they arrive] Not you. You really think you're going to prove people are capable of honesty using a mother and daughter you've known for one day?
+Thirteen," I'm not the one who's based his entire world view on the proposition. If I'm wrong, so what? If he's wrong!"
+Kutner, So you really have Huntington's?
+Thirteen, Nope.
+Kutner, But House said that �
+Thirteen," [cuts him off defensively] If I wanted to talk about it, why didn't I bring it up?"
+Taub," Fluorescein angiogram was clear. No leaks, no lesions, definitely not a vascular pRoblem."
+House," [frowns at the computer, still having no luck] Someone get their birthdays out of the file."
+Thirteen, Have you tried leaving it blank?
+Thirteen," Tough to get into the head of someone who actually trusts people, huh? Found both computers in an office, on a desk they share."
+Taub, No sign of macular degeneration or optic neuritis. Her eyes are completely normal.
+Foreman, Except she can't see out of them.
+House, [rifling through files on the computer] So she says. Find anything on the MRI?
+Foreman, No sign of plaques. It's not MS.
+Taub, We haven't found anything abnormal on any test.
+Kutner, Except she can't see or move her hands.
+House, [with more emphasis this time] So she says.
+Thirteen, You can't lie about flaccid paralysis.
+Foreman, Maybe she's not lying.
+Foreman, Her brain is. What if it's a conversion disorder?
+House, [musingly] Lacks personal boundaries! Promiscuous! Inappropriate obsession with truth-telling! Certainly sounds like a psych case.
+Kutner, Cool. I'll set up a psych consult and start her on anti-depressants. [starts to leave]
+House, Nope.
+House, Her mind is tricking her body. We need to trick her mind. Or Even better.
+Thirteen, You don't need her.
+House, I know.
+Thirteen, Then this serves no medical purpose.
+House," You have a genetic defect, you choose to ignore it. This Woman has a genetic defect, chooses to butcher herself to be safe. Yet what you claim to be fascinated by, is her honesty. Interesting."
+Thirteen," You claim to want the truth, and then you screw with people who actually live by it. Pathetic."
+House," Hey, I gave you credit for interesting."
+House, You're protecting her because you're jealous she did what you couldn't.
+House, I need you.
+Thirteen, [turns back around and shakes her head] I'm not lying to her.
+House," Fine, keep your mouth shut. I still need you. If it doesn't work, you gotta hold the kid down until someone else finishes lying to mom."
+House, That does actually serve a medical purpose.
+House, Jane.
+Jane, I have to lie because she trusts me?
+House," If you show doubt, the placebo treatment won't work."
+Jane," If it's just depression, that's good news right?"
+House, [nods] A lot of great medications.
+Jane, So why can't we just give her those? Why do we have to lie to her?
+House," Because we might be wrong. And those medications take a long time to work and since your mom's condition is declining, there's a chance the drugs won't tell us anything until it's too late."
+Jane, [still doesn't seem convinced] My mom's not depressed.
+House, Maybe she's hiding it from you.
+Jane, [shakes her head] No. She wouldn't �
+House, Just doing what Every good mom does. Protecting her Parkld from bad news that she can't do anything about.
+Jane, My mom's nEver lied to me.
+House, You don't know how to lie. You don't know how to tell when you're being lied to.
+Jane," [stares at him for a moment and then drops her eyes, seemingly less unconvinced now] Maybe you're right!"
+House, I know �
+Jane, I was lying. [satisfied with her little show] I know how to lie. I just won't do it to my mother.
+Thirteen, You like foosball?
+Taub," Until the treatment of your infectious parapheresis takes effect, Jane can't come back into the room. I've already been inoculated."
+MAGGIE, Can she have it already?
+Taub," Don't worry. [hangs up the IV bag] It's a very effective treatment, you should be feeling better in a matter of minutes."
+Taub, Don't you think Jane deserves a few secrets? Some personal space? Room to uh! make her own mistakes? [taking her wrist to take her pulse for a moment]
+MAGGIE," She makes plenty of mistakes. Only difference is, I'm there to help her through them."
+Taub, [shakes his head and drops her hand] But she's gotta know you're looking over her shoulder. It's gotta stifle �
+MAGGIE, You think the world would be a better place if Everybody always acted like their mom was looking over their shoulder?
+Jane, I wanna go see my mom.
+Kutner, She's sleeping. Why don't we just double the amount we can spend?
+Foreman, Nope.
+Kutner, Can't afford another twenty-five?
+Foreman," We allow people fifty, people will spend sixty."
+Kutner," Ah, so you can't afford another thirty-five."
+Thirteen, You must really like who you got!
+Jane, Or really dislike.
+Jane, My mom always gives the best presents to the teachers I get along with the worst.
+Foreman, [both look skeptical] No.
+Kutner," [at Foreman and Thirteen] How do you know ""no""�?"
+Thirteen, I know you didn't get House.
+Foreman, I know he didn't get House.
+Wilson, You gave them all your name?
+House, Mm-hmm. Figured I could sow some dissension and get a few ties and sweaters.
+Wilson, What happens when they find out?
+House, It's Secret Santa.
+Wilson, [nods] What happens when they find out?
+House, [shrugs] They'll argue about what to do with that information. Ties are less important than the dissension.
+Kutner, Well we still have to buy him something.
+Foreman," [arms crossed, obviously displeased] Not a chance!"
+Kutner, We weren't supposed to discuss this. We're not supposed to know.
+Foreman, He's not supposed to put his name in there five times!
+Jane, He wants presents. It's sad!
+Thirteen, It's pathetic.
+Kutner, [smiling lightly] I'm still buying him a present.
+Thirteen, [firmly] No. You're not.
+Kutner, [glares at her] Fine.
+Taub, What's wrong?
+MAGGIE, I think it's getting worse. Can't breathe! [struggles to catch her breath just as the monitors start beeping]
+Taub, [calls outside] I need a nurse in here!
+Taub, Her lymph nodes are cutting off her airway. We gotta intubate!
+Foreman," Swollen lymph nodes were cutting off Maggie's airway. We shrunk them with alcohol, she's breathing on her own now."
+House," [head in his hand, looking disappointed] Well, that sucks."
+House," 4300 saved emails and not a single mention of ""lesbionic""�, ""sanchez""� or ""Man-gina""�."
+House, Swollen lymph nodes means it wasn't psychological.
+Kutner, Who's that from?
+House," [glances to the present] Santa, obviously. 'Cause you know I worship him. [pauses and frowns] No wait, I mean Satan. I always get them confused. [continues to read through emails] What is! an alpine butterfly? And why is she learning how to do one?"
+Foreman," House, we already have a full history. You don't need to waste time �"
+House, [interrupts] It's just a climbing knot.
+Taub," But what does she use it for? Try ""bondage""�."
+House, I did once. [sarcastically] And she just tied me down and whined about how hard it is to be Dean of Medicine.
+Kutner," Gyms aren't exactly pristine, could be a fungal infection. Seriously, who's it from? [nodding to the present again]"
+Foreman," No fEver, no elevated white count."
+House," [still staring at the screen, then laughs in a mocking way] That's funny! Friend sent her a Garfield cartoon. That cat sure does love lasagna."
+Thirteen, House. [finally had enough and slams the laptop lip on top of his hand] Stop obsessing.
+House," [pausing for a moment] If it weren't for my obsessions, you wouldn't know that she has sarcoidosis."
+House," Eighteen months ago, she sold her Stairmaster. It was only two months old. Now either she needed the cash or climbing stairs was getting more difficult. [takes a sip out of his cup and continues to scroll through the emails to show them] Twelve months ago, she cancelled a hiking trip. Now she either just wanted to sit home and watch TV or walking was getting more difficult. She's been suffering joint pain for the last two years."
+House, Pull my ribbon. [mockingly seductive] If you know what I mean.
+Thirteen, ACE lEvels are too low for sarcoidosis. [stares at him for a moment and then pulls the ribbon]
+House, That's not what I meant. [proceeds to open the present] Could just be an inactive phase.
+Kutner, It's not Christmas yet.
+House," I remembered. I'm not a Satanist, I'm a druid."
+Foreman, No lung involvement.
+House, Yet.
+Taub, We'll need a bronchoalveolar lavage to confirm it.
+House, [makes a sad face] That's a shame. I'm not gonna surprise her with one for Christmas.
+House, Wow!
+House, [grins] Now either that cost more than 25 bucks or I'm seriously starting to doubt Steve Jobs' business strategies.
+House, Thanks!
+Thirteen," Last round of saline, Maggie. One more big breath. We've gotta get the liquid to go all the way into your lungs, okay? [attaches a syringe to the scope and pushes the saline solution into the tube] Here we go."
+Kutner, Gift could be from a Patient.
+Taub, [skeptical] Who sent it to the wrong doctor?
+Thirteen, House obviously gave the present to himself.
+House, [pleased] They're arguing right now.
+Wilson, I've been looking for this all morning.
+House," Did you look in the box on my desk? Oh by the way, your mom called. Your dad's dead."
+Wilson, [puts the iPhone back into his pocket and raises an eyebrow] You left the present sitting on your desk?
+House, It wouldn't have been as effective sitting in my closet in my home.
+Wilson, They're gonna know it's from you.
+House," No, they're gonna guess that it was from me. Might Even be 90% sure that it was from me but all that means is, they're 10% sure that one of the other guys is screwing them over."
+Wilson," [blinks at that overwhelming explanation and gets up to dump his plate] Have you Ever considered channeling your powers to, I don't know! bring peace to the mid-east?"
+House, [gets up to follow him] I couldn't do that.
+Wilson," But if they Ever got it, you could screw it up."
+House, Yeah. That's more where my powers lie.
+Taub, Gift could be from Wilson.
+Thirteen, [firmly] It's House.
+Kutner, Why do you have a pRoblem with him speculating?
+Thirteen, Because. That's what House wants us to do.
+Taub," [moves away from the monitor] Lungs are pristine, no infiltrates or alveolar hemorrhage."
+Kutner," Maggie, I'm gonna remove the scope. I need you to cough for me, okay?"
+Kutner, A little harder.
+Kutner, Great.
+Taub, [cautiously] Maggie! Open your eyes.
+MAGGIE, Why aren't you saying anything?
+MAGGIE, What's wrong?
+Taub, Maggie tested negative for sarcoidosis.
+Kutner, But she's bleeding into her eyes now.
+House, [looks genuinely concerned] Have her platelets dropped?
+Kutner, Plummeted. New labs show they're under 40. She'll bleed out of Every orifice if we don't find the cause.
+Taub," Could be splenic sequestration, tuberculosis �"
+Thirteen," [interrupts] Gaucher disease, TTP �"
+Kutner," [continues to contribute] Hemolytic uremic syndrome, sepsis, lupus �"
+House, [frowns at them mockingly] Listing all the possible causes is only impressive if you can do it rEverse alphabetically. We need to know why her platelet maParkne is broken. Go to the factory. Do a bone marrow aspiration.
+Kutner, I'm your Secret Santa.
+House, [lowers his voice] Well you're not supposed to tell.
+Kutner, But you got a present already. Which means you have more than one Secret Santa.
+House, Or! somebody else wants to make me happy.
+Kutner, [looks unconvinced and a little hurt but reaches into his pocket and hands House a present with a smile] Merry Christmas.
+House," On one hand, you should be in bed. [shuts the door] On the other hand, I told you to rest so! I see your dilemma."
+MELANIE, I don't think resting is the pRoblem. Can strep cause this? [pulls away her scarf to rEveal red bulbous little growths all along her neck. They're on the backs of her hands too.]
+House, [in a singsong-y voice] Clap on.
+MELANIE," Trust me, first place I went. No rash on my labia. Do you need to take a look?"
+House, [wants to say yes but then shuts his mouth] I'm saving my money for a Red Ryder BB-gun.
+House, Darker shade of lipstick?
+MELANIE, I'm not wering any.
+House, [leans closer to inspect her lips presumably] You tell your mother what you do?
+House, Doesn't matter. I'm curious.
+MELANIE, I don't need to break her heart just do I can feel righteous.
+House, [touches a finger to her lips and feels them] You do a donkey show? [a purposeful pause] I'm not curious. It matters.
+MELANIE, It's a donkey or a mule! [gives him a knowing look] I can nEver remember.
+House, Wow! That is a creepy smile. [cringes lightly] I bet the donkey's is Even creepier.
+MELANIE, [laughs lightly] Do I have to explain?
+House," Nope. It's my job. Contagious ecthyma. Any contact can cause rashes, flu symptoms, sore throat. Has there been! contact? [cringing again]"
+House, [starts writing her prescription] Okay. Antibiotic cream for you and a love glove for Francis. You'll both be fine.
+MELANIE," [turns to grab an ad from her purse, which she hands to him] You should come see the show. I think you'd like it. [another insinuating smile]"
+House," Sorry, I hate Westerns."
+Chase, So they really nEver lie?
+Foreman, Doesn't seem like it. Admirable. You tell Cameron Everything?
+Chase, Hah! No.
+Foreman, You think she keeps secrets?
+Chase," If I knew, they wouldn't be secrets. I hope she does. People have a right to a little privacy, Even from the people they love."
+Foreman, You buy House a present?
+Chase, Why would I?
+Foreman, To screw with me.
+Chase, Then I'm gonna say yes.
+Foreman," No no, wait. Stop, stop. What's that smell?"
+Foreman, Her bone is smoking.
+Chase, Her bones are harder than the drill?
+Kutner, We ran a full body bone scan to find the cause of hardening in the hip. No hotspots anywhere.
+Thirteen, Tracer could have been inactive.
+Kutner, So I screwed up the test?
+Taub," There's so Many ways that could have happened. Maybe it was inactive, maybe it didn't fully circulate."
+Kutner," It circulated, the camera picked up �"
+House," [interrupts them] Hey, hey. It's Christmas! Why are you guys fighting?"
+Foreman, Why do you think there are no hotspots?
+Kutner, I did not screw up! The density's consistent.
+Foreman," Just means the density was consistent, doesn't mean it was cold. It's possible! all she has are hotspots. It's consistent because her entire skeleton is turning to stone."
+House, Good for an aspiring superhero. Fatal for a huMan hoping to make it to Kwanzaa.
+Kutner, Well it's gotta be from a carbonic anhydrase type 2 deficiency.
+House, It has free will. It doesn't have to be anything doesn't want to be.
+Kutner," I meant, if it's not CAII! well, none of the other causes of osteopetrosis are treatable."
+House," [to Kutner] You're right, it's gotta be. Go run her blood and hope that your sunny optimism isn't misplaced."
+House, They accused Kutner of screwing up a test. Because they hate him.
+Wilson, You're surprised? That's the sort of crap that happens when you mess with people's heads.
+House," Well one day he will screw up a test. If they don't accuse him of that because they like him, someone could die. [a pause] Where are we going?"
+Wilson," Nowhere, I just know it hurts you."
+Taub," CAII deficiency is a genetic disorder that scrambles proteins. [draws some blood from her] If the blood test is positive, you'll need a bone marrow transplant."
+MAGGIE," ""Transplant""� sounds like a euphemism for ""slim odds""�."
+Taub," Uh! Slim, but not none."
+Taub, We're gonna need to test Jane for a match.
+MAGGIE, Don't you have donor banks?
+Taub," Jane is your best bet. Procedure's perfectly safe, there's no risk."
+MAGGIE, No risk. [scoffs]
+Taub, Any surgery has �
+MAGGIE, [cuts him off] Then don't tell me there's no risk. You going to tell me there's no pain either?
+Taub, The testing will hurt a little!
+Jane, I'll be fine.
+Taub, If she doesn't do this and you don't make it! she's going to spend the rest of her life blaming herself.
+Jane, Mom! Please.
+MAGGIE, Find someone else. Let someone else take the risk.
+Taub, Donor bank turned up a 49 year old Man in ClEveland who's a five out of six HLA match. First flight out of ClEveland leaves �
+House, [interrupts] Why is a 49 year old ClEveland Man a closer match than her daughter?
+Taub, He may not be. Maggie didn't let us test her.
+House, [frowns and stop playing with his watch] Why not?
+Taub," Pain, danger, risk of �"
+tHouse, [interrupts again] Only reason to give multiple reasons is you're searParkng for what the person wants to hear. [stares at nothing in particular as the wheels in his mind turn]
+Taub, [looks around] House.
+House, You're wrong about sainted mommy.
+Thirteen," Don't care. You can forget the donor bank, there's no CAII deficiency. Best we can do is make her comfortable."
+Thirteen, Is that from Taub?
+House," [purposefully articulate] Yes. Yes, it is."
+Thirteen," [pulls out a gift as well and sighs, dropping it onto his desk] Merry Christmas. Who's going to tell the Patient she's dying?"
+House, [gaze lingers on her for a moment and then drops Taub's present back onto his desk as well] I will. And nobody leaves here until we find out what killed her.
+Kutner, WhatEver she has is fatal. Makes no difference if it's disease number 58 or 907.
+Kutner, You guys mad at me?
+Thirteen, Nope. You had no choice.
+Kutner, Of course I had a choice. You had no choice once I made my choice.
+Thirteen, And now I'm choosing not to be mad at you.
+Kutner, Why?
+Thirteen, 'Cause it will drive House nuts.
+Foreman, [frowns] And you think that'll make your lives better or worse?
+Jane, I told my mom I don't care what she thinks. I want you to test my marrow.
+MAGGIE, I can't be dying.
+House, Sure you can.
+MAGGIE, You're wrong. [pushing down tears] You don't Even know what I have.
+House," What you have, is one last Christmas with your daughter. One last chance to give her a present. [a purposeful pause] The truth. Inexpensive, highly valued, nEver have to stand in line to return it the day after Christmas."
+MAGGIE, What are you talking about?
+House, A mother who's going to die doesn't refuse a donor test because it might hurt. She refuses when she knows it won't match. Which tends to happen when mother and daughter aren't mother and daughter.
+House," I could do DNA tests, if you'd rather keep lying to me."
+MAGGIE," [shakes her head, obviously conflicted] I nEver wanted kids. I love them but with my genes! I knew this Woman, a drug addict. She got pregnant, didn't want to have an abortion. But she also didn't want her daughter to Ever know who her real mother was. What she was. I promised nEver to tell."
+House, A promise to an addict is worth more than a promise to your daughter?
+MAGGIE, It'd be cruel to tell her.
+House," Right. [shrugs] She lives a lie, you get to die a hypocrite."
+Jane, Mom! The doctors told me what's happening.
+MAGGIE," It's gonna be okay, sweetheart. [nods] I promise you. Doctors can be wrong. There's still a chance I can be �"
+Jane, [cuts her off] You really beliEve that?
+MAGGIE, [trying to be strong] I do.
+Jane," [shakes her head] No, mom. You're dying. Nobody can help you. It's not going to be okay."
+Thirteen," [in disbelief, softly] That was cold."
+House, Yeah.
+Wilson, What did you get for Christmas?
+House," I got a watch, a vintage LP, and a second edition Conan Doyle. If that wasn't bad enough, my Patient's dying."
+Wilson," [sighs] Christmas deaths in a hospital, nothing more depressing. No one Ever wants to go in the Patient's room, Even the candy stripers leave them alone. [shivers from the cold]"
+House, I saw something amazing.
+House, Pure truth. She told her mother that she was dying. Stripped her of all hope.
+Wilson, That sounds! horrible.
+House, It's like watParkng some! bizarre astronomical Event that you know you're nEver going to see again.
+Wilson, [unconvinced] You tell people the cold hard truth all the time. You get off on it.
+House, Because I don't care. She cared. She did it anyway. [frowns for a second] She did it because she cared.
+Wilson, [nods sarcastically] The angels of Christmas have finally given House a present he can appreciate.
+House," Oh, don't ruin it. Don't pin this on Christ, he's got enough nails in him. [scowls at Wilson's reindeer hat]"
+Wilson, Patient had to die but �
+House, [cuts him off] Why don't you take off that hat?
+Wilson, It's Christmas! It's a reindeer.
+House," It's a moose, on a Jew."
+Wilson, Who cares?
+House, [sighs] Things have their place. You wouldn't hang dreidels from a Christmas tree.
+Wilson, You could. Things don't care.
+House, No. They don't. [turns and goes back into the hospital]
+Wilson," Happy Solstice, House."
+House," [enters] To save us all from Satan's power, when we were gone astray. Have you people no holiday spirit? Bring me the eggnog of good cheer!"
+Foreman," House, if you have something to say, say it. If you don't, give us a chance to get home before Santa."
+House, [stares at him] Scrooge. Give the Patient rispiradone.
+Taub," That's an anti-psychotic. She's dying, she's not crazy."
+House, I am going to perform a Christmas miracle.
+MAGGIE, You said all the causes of osteopetrosis were fatal.
+House," Except for the one we discounted early, because it was impossible. When fetus forms, it's just a mass of cells. [continues feeling her body, working down her shoulders] Breast tissue covers extensive portions of the body. As the fetus dEvelops, most of this tissue recedes, remaining only in the fun places. [feeling down at her hip now] But sometimes, extra breast tissue is left behind in places where it doesn't belong. [down to her legs now] Rispiradone does a lot of things. One is, it makes breast tissue swell so we can find it more easily."
+MAGGIE, You're telling me I could have breast cancer? Somewhere not in my breast? That doesn't make sense.
+House, Taub's parents have a winter condo in Florida. They're still New Yorkers.
+Taub," Actually, my parents �"
+House," [interrupts] Don't care. I told a parable. And now, I'm going to raise the dead!"
+House, [to Thirteen] Give me that syringe.
+Thirteen, That's gotta be a fat deposit.
+House," Yes, I could be wrong. If I am, she's dead so shut up."
+Taub, What's that?
+House, Rispiradone also causes galactorrhea. [pulls the needle out]
+Jane, What's that? Galactic!?
+House, Open your mouth.
+House," Relax, you've had it before."
+Jane, I am not �
+Jane," Milk? Eww! [wipes her mouth and Parkn, obviously disgusted]"
+House, We'll cut out your mom's tumor and start her on chemo. All the rest of your symptoms should go away.
+MAGGIE, I love you.
+Jane, I know.
+House, Have a wonderful life. [exits]
+SEAN," Doc, help, doc! [A Woman comes running up to him.] It stopped bleeding. It stopped bleeding."
+Cate," That's because your blood's freezing as it's hitting the air. [Pulls out a bandage and puts it on his leg.] Here, apply pressure on it."
+SEAN, I think my leg is frozen.
+Cate, That's the least of your pRoblems. [Ties a tourniquet around his leg.] The blade sEvered your femoral artery. [Manages to help him to shelter.]
+SEAN, Am I gonna lose my leg?
+Cate, Frostbite's not too bad but I gotta fix your artery now. This is gonna hurt. [Squirts some sort of liquid onto the wound. Sean screams. Pulls out a bottle of glue.]
+SEAN, You're gonna put that in me?
+Cate," Glue's the best way to repair your artery at this temperature. [Squirts some in and holds it in place.] It looks okay. [Hands Sean a roll of duct tape.] Here, tear off some pieces. I have to check your foot. [As Sean tapes his own leg up Cate pulls off his shoe and sock and squeezes his big toe.] Blood flow looks good. Your leg should be okay."
+SEAN, I thought I was done.
+Cate," Yeah, like I'd let anything happen to you. You're the only one who can fix the generators. One... two... three. [Tries to help Sean up but falls over and screams.]"
+SEAN," Cate, Cate, are you okay? Are you okay? [Cate clutches her side, rolls over and vomits some yellow stuff.]"
+Cate, I... I... I need help.
+SEAN, Who am I supposed to get?
+Cuddy, Why do I Even give you an office? New case. Psych department asked for you personally.
+House, Patient's a crazy person?
+Cuddy, You're a crazy person. Patient's a psyParkatrist.
+House, [Still fiddling with the TV] There's something wrong with coma guy's cable.
+Cuddy, He seems fine with it. Your Patient is an adjunct faculty member here but currently... [House whacks the side of the TV.] The budget committee voted to charge for cable in the Patient rooms.
+House," Slippery slope. Today we withhold porn, tomorrow it's clean bandages."
+Cuddy," Talk to Carlson in Derm, he runs the budget committee... After you look at this. [Hands him the file.]"
+House," After you talk to Carlson, maybe I'll..."
+Cuddy, The Patient is trapped at the South Pole. [House takes the file and Cuddy leaves.]
+House," Well that wouldn't be any fun. And for the next two months, winds make it impossible to fly anything in or out."
+Kutner, Or a kidney stone.
+House," That wouldn't be any fun. If it's appendicitis down there, her appendix ruptures, she dies, there's nothing we can do. If it's stones, she takes pain meds, the stone passes, there's nothing we need to do."
+Kutner, Could be a struvite kidney stone.
+Foreman, Most kidney stones are calcium and benign. Why would you suspect a struvite stone?
+Kutner, Cause he said kidney stones were boring.
+Taub," It's possible. She's on birth control. Lots of sex could lead to urinary tract infection, which could lead to an infection-laced struvite kidney stone."
+House, Excessive Antarctic drilling. Bad for the environment and the ladies.
+House, This is where it gets fun. [Dumps a box of stuff on the table.] These are the supplies and medications she has available.
+Taub, [Looking through the stuff.] Nothing here that could break up a kidney stone.
+Kutner, What else do they have down there?
+House, I just said...
+Kutner," I don't mean medical stuff, other stuff. Some geological equipment breaks ice and rock the same way we break kidney stones. [Everyone stares at him.] Discovery channel. I like watParkng them blow stuff up."
+House, Who doesn't? That reminds me. [Leaves.]
+House, Coma guy needs cable. Women's billiards is the only thing that's keeping him alive.
+Cameron, I'm sure Carlson will be moved by HIS plight.
+House, Carlson won't listen to me since I hit on his wife.
+Cameron, [Smiles.] You knew? [Starts reading a file.]
+House," God no. I thought I was hitting on his daughter. [Cameron rolls her eyes.] Look, you're on the committee. He'll listen to you. [Cameron looks surprised.] I'm an avid reader of committees with hotties message boards."
+Cameron," [Walks over to a Patients bed and hands the file to a nurse.] Amoxicillin, 500 milligrams IV. [Moves onto another Patient and picks up the chart.]"
+House, [Following her.] Studies conducted in major hospitals indiCate that happy Patients recover faster. Studies conducted in my apartment show that TV makes people happy. Premium channels have a particularly striking effect.
+Cameron, Charging Patients for cable is bringing in 13 grand a month.
+House," Until this injustice is righted, I am going to waste 13 grand a day. [Tips out a box of tongue depressors onto the floor. Cameron just looks at him.] It's 2 dollars 49 cents down."
+Cameron," [Hands the chart to a nurse.] Get an EKG and a cardiac enzyme. If those check out, discharge him and tell him to get a snow blower."
+House, [Pulls out rubber gloves one at a time from a box and throws them on the ground.] How much is 13 grand divided by 4 cents?
+Cameron, [Takes the box off him.] I am not giving you cable. You're going to have to somehow survive with the broadcast networks alone.
+House, I'll be fine on Tuesdays. [Cameron pulls the curtain in front of him.]
+Kutner, If sound waves from the flaw detector break the egg it should safely dissolve your kidney stone.
+Cate, This isn't going to work. [Walks over towards the camera.]
+Kutner, There's no reason it shouldn't. Sound waves are sound waves. Stones are stones.
+Cate, Some are bigger than others. Some are inside me.
+House," How's it going, team MacGyver? [Sees the screen.] Oh, great. I can't get cable, but I can get the South Pole on hi-def."
+Kutner, We're almost ready to start the test.
+House," Test? Did Ford test the Edsel? Did Coke test New Coke? Did Shakespeare test his final play, Snow Dogs?"
+Cate, I'm guessing you're Dr House? I was wondering when you might drop by.
+House, Can she see me?
+Cate, Oh yeah.
+House," Think Jagger shows up for the sound check? [Cate walks away from the camera.] Okay. Roadies, off the stage. Go help Cameron in the ER."
+Taub, Why? No way you're just doing her a favour.
+House," ER is standing room only. Which means Cameron's bound to make a mistake. Find it so I can blackmail her. As far as you know, this is way more than just some silly battle over cable. [New fellows leave, Foreman sits down.]"
+Cate, Ready. [Cate starts the test which is an egg in a jar of water. They watch as the egg cracks open. Then the jar explodes.]
+House," You, you might want to just, dial it down a smidge."
+Cate," I am not doing this. [Sits down in front of the camera.] Your kidney stone theory hinges on me having sex, but I..."
+House, Let me guess. You're as pure as the driven snow.
+Cate," Only if the snow likes to be on top. But I am here doing psychological research, generally not a good idea to swap fluids with your subjects."
+House, Struvite stones are possible in people who don't have sex. They're certainly possible in people who claim not to have...
+Cate, I've had no UTIs. No pain on urination.
+House, You do realise that only one of us is a real doctor?
+Cate, You do realise that only one of us has any control over my actions?
+Foreman," Dr. Milton, are you able to run a chem 7?"
+Cate, Yes.
+Foreman," That'll tell us if her kidney function's declining. If it is, he's right. Struvite stone's most likely explanation. If not, she's right. [Foreman looks at House who just stares at him.] Sorry, I know how you like to avoid avoiding confrontation."
+House," While we're waiting for that test to prove me right, start IV cefuroxime. Keep the infection in the stone from wiping out your kidneys."
+Cate, I'll send the chem 7 results when I'm done. [Turns off the camera.]
+House," She's a great psyParkatrist. One session, I've got shrinkage."
+Cameron, And you're telling me this because...
+Kutner, We don't want to do it.
+Cameron, I don't see a pRoblem so far.
+Taub," If our choice is between pissing House off or pissing you off, that's not much of a choice."
+Cameron," So unless I give House cable, you're going to make my life miserable."
+Cameron, And you're telling me this so you won't feel as guilty when you do it.
+Taub, Yes.
+Cameron, Accommodating House's Every whim is not my job anymore.
+Taub, But it is ours.
+Kutner, House will get what he wants. [Cameron laughs and walks away.]
+Taub, Maybe we should just pay for it ourselves and tell him she folded. [They all start to leave]
+Cameron, [Overhearing them.] No. [They stop and look back.]
+House, Your chem 7 results show that your kidney function is declining. Sounds like a kidney stone to me.
+Cate, The decreased function could be from dehydration caused by vomiting due to a gallstone.
+House, You agreed that the chem 7 would decide if it was a struvite stone.
+Cate, I agreed to do the test. The results are up for interpretation. I'll redo the test in an hour when I'm re-hydrated. [Takes a drink from a bottle using her left hand.]
+Foreman, Have you noticed any improvement since starting the cefuroxime?
+Cate, Not really. The pain's about the same.
+Foreman," While you're waiting, we should run another test with the geology equipment..."
+House, You're not taking the cefuroxime. She's right handed. Means she would've put the IV in her left arm. Catheter in the arm makes it hard to bend the elbow the way people do when they drink!
+Cate, We have a limited supply of medication and I'm not about to waste it.
+House," Last I checked, you had a limited supply of doctors."
+Cate," Right before I got sick, one of my crew members sEvered his femoral artery. He needs the cefuroxime. [Starts breathing heavily.]"
+House," Right, he called dibs."
+Cate, His need is definitive. Mine is speculative.
+House, You're breathing fast.
+Cate, It's because I'm pissed off!
+House," Lift up your Parkn. Show me your windpipe. [She does so, both Foreman and House move closer to the screen for a better look.]"
+Cate, Ah! My chest hurts.
+Foreman, It's deviating to the left.
+House, Means her right lung is collapsing.
+Foreman, Cate Is anyone there with you?
+Cate, Sean went to the mess.
+Foreman, You need to call someone.
+House, There's no time. Get a syringe and a needle.
+Cate, Why am I doing!
+House, Shut up and look. [Cate does as she's told.]
+Foreman, She could pass out. She needs...
+House," She needs to re-inflate that lung. [Cate finds a needle.] Okay, now pull out that plunger. I want you to stab yourself in your right side between the second and third rib in the midclavicular line. [Cate pulls out the plunger but hesitates.] By the time we get someone else there, you'll have suffoCated. Just do it. [Cate stabs her chest. We see the lung expanding and hear air being released from the needle. Cate starts to breathe easier.] See all the good stuff that happens when you listen to me?"
+Cate, Means it's not a kidney stone.
+House," Right side pain, vomiting, and now a lung that gets traumatised without any trauma. Sounds odd, pRobably is odd."
+Foreman," We should discuss this, then call her back."
+House, No it's fine. I made sure we got the South Pole long distance plan. Your latest kidney function test shows...
+Cate," I know what it shows, I ran it."
+House," The more you interrupt, the longer my grandstanding is going to take."
+Foreman, Since when do you let Patients participate in differentials?
+House," Since the Patient and her doctor happen to be the same person. Your kidney function is still declining, means you have a kidney pRoblem."
+Cate, But not one that needed antibiotics. Makes us equally wrong.
+House," No, makes us both wrong. Not equally. You were at least six wronger."
+House, They run a PPD before you shipped out?
+Cate," On me and Everybody else here, it's not TB."
+Foreman, Excuse us a second. [Mutes the microphone.] Cancer explains the symptoms. A tumour in her lung or kidney that threw a clot to the other organ.
+House," And you're worried the tumour might overhear, realise we're on to it."
+Foreman," Cancer's a hard diagnosis for Patients Even when they're not in the South Pole. We should figure this out, maybe bring Wilson in."
+Cate, Obviously you two think I'm in bad shape.
+House, Only if you count the tumour.
+Foreman, House!
+House," PRobably in your abdomen. But you don't have any advanced imaging equipment. You also don't have a surgeon to biopsy it, any stains to use on the slide, or an oncologist to analyse it. [Foreman gives him a look.] We're too far away to hold her hand."
+Cate, I have cancer?
+Foreman, Possibly.
+House," Since the only imaging equipment you have is X-ray, let's start there. X-ray your entire body."
+Cate, I'll upload the images when I'm done. [Turns off the camera.]
+House, Good for you.
+House, She's annoying. Refused to take the antibiotics because other people might need them.
+Wilson, She said she cares about other people? What a poser. KUB is clean. You don't like her because she's a psyParkatrist.
+House, I'm a compliCated Man. I loathe her for Many reasons.
+Wilson, NEver before has a profession been so decried by someone who needed it so badly.
+House, You talk a lot of smack about tranny hookers.
+Wilson, Enlarged mediastinal node.
+House, Lymphoma.
+Wilson," PRobably, but we can't confirm it without a biopsy."
+House, You can't analyse a biopsy without a stain.
+Wilson, We can't biopsy.
+House, Cause they don't have stains down there. We need a substitute.
+Wilson, She can't biopsy that node without a surgical team and an OR.
+House," Anything with a strong colour could work as a stain. Printer ink, food colouring, coffee."
+Wilson, No thanks.
+House," Find a node closer to the surface, one she can biopsy."
+Wilson, That makes sense.
+House, That makes sense?
+Wilson, I said it first.
+House," In a shockingly calm Manner, after I'd just been jerking you around for 30 seconds without you complaining or analysing said jerking."
+Wilson, I was being mature.
+House, In a lavender shirt. You for some reason are happy.
+Wilson, How dare you? The X-rays don't show any other abnormal nodes.
+House, Abnormal nodes can be felt before they can be seen on an X-ray. You're wearing that shirt for someone.
+Wilson, The health department. They frown on topless oncology. You're going to do a physical?
+House, Have to. You and Foreman are going to be here looking for a stain. [House leaves.]
+Cate, I can do the physical. There's no reason you need to watch.
+House, I can think of at least three reasons. One of them's medical.
+Cate, Where are you? Not in your office.
+House, You're not in the hospital. No reason for me to be.
+Cate, I am not undressing for you in your apartment.
+House, You're not in my apartment. You're three quarters of a world away. I promise not to get fresh.
+Cate, I'm not taking off my clothes.
+House, One of us has to.
+Cate, [Thinks about it.] Show me your place.
+House," It's got walls, a floor, and in some places, a roof."
+Cate, I am not exposing myself without some reciprocity.
+House," It's my apartment, it's not my soul. [Cate just sits there. Picks up the laptop and points it towards the room.] Living room."
+Cate," Slow down. [House moves the laptop slower, Cate notices his bookshelf.] Lots of books. I'm betting all medical."
+House, [Points it back towards himself.] Only if you count Jenna Jameson's autobiography as a gynaecological text.
+Cate, Fiction is a waste of time unless you can laugh at it.
+House, I love to laugh. Moving on. [Moves the laptop again showing a glimpse of the half bottle of bourbon on the coffee table.]
+Cate, Back up. [House stops.] How bad is the insomnia? Let me quantify that. Do you drink two or three scotches before passing out in front of the TV?
+House, You are so far off. It's bourbon. [Gives her a better look at the bottle. Then continues showing the apartment.]
+Cate, No photos anywhere. Family and friends aren't important?
+House," Well, you're sick. You have 20 people down the hall and you've had exactly one visitor."
+Cate, I don't want to panic anyone.
+House, You don't like people. You hide on that ice cube so!
+Cate," Stop projecting. You're anti-social, so you assume I'm anti-social."
+House, [Rolls his eyes.] How about if I just get naked and you shut up?
+Cate," If I thought I could get you naked, I would've led with that. You'd rather show me your soul than your leg."
+House, Great. You've got me all figured out. You going to try and fix me now?
+Cate, I nEver said you needed fixing.
+Foreman, He's letting her take part in the differentials.
+Wilson," Of course he is. He likes her. Big shock, spaghetti sauce doesn't work as a lymph tissue stain. I'll try... the coffee."
+Foreman," He's annoyed by her, doesn't respect her as a doctor, constantly insults her."
+Wilson, That's House's version of courtship.
+Foreman," Oh, god. He's been wooing me for years."
+Wilson," She's the perfect Woman for him. Willing to literally go to the end of the earth for her career, making her unavailable for a real relationship. And she's afflicted with a mysterious illness."
+Foreman, Soya sauce is a no-go.
+Wilson, We're going to be here all night.
+House, How long does it take you to get naked?
+Cate, It's the South Pole. I wear a lot of layers. Okay. Ready. [Picks up the camera.]
+House, I saw socks. That's not naked.
+Cate," Have I mentioned it's freezing here? When they discover lymph nodes in feet, I will take off my socks."
+House," Use your right hand to palpate the nodes. Any node you can feel is one we can biopsy. Let's start with your breasts, move down to the ass, then..."
+Cate, I was thinking... go from the neck and work my way down.
+House," Well, you could. But I'd nEver forgive myself if we found something before we got to your breasts."
+Cate," I'm starting with the anterior cervical nodes. [Starts to feel her neck, House sits up and puts down the drink.]"
+House, Turn your head. LoCate the SCM muscle.
+Cate, I know how to find my lymph nodes.
+House, They teach you that before or after the class on fondling your inner Parkld? [House turns on some music.]
+Cate," No swelling, no tenderness, and I can hear that, House."
+House, Just thought it might help you relax. Anything in the axillary nodes?
+Cate, All clear. Both sides.
+House," Slide your hand to your sternum, pRobe for nodes. Moving slowly downward. [Cate does as told.]"
+Cate," Down to what, House?"
+House," Sorry, can't hear you on account of your heavy breathing."
+Cate," I'm supposed to be on oxygen, you tool."
+House, [Turns off the music.] Hold it. [Cate stops.] Your fingers didn't go quite as deep. Feel that node again.
+Cate, It!it's swollen.
+House, Looks like you're doing a biopsy.
+Cate, It's pretty numb.
+Wilson," Okay, take a deep breath... and insert the needle into the node."
+House," Come on, Cate. Let's get this over with."
+Wilson, [Mutes the microphone.]You used her name.
+House," Just trying to move things along, Bob. [Wilson un-mutes.]"
+Cate," [Inserts the needle.] Okay, I'm in."
+Wilson, You need to pull back on the syringe. [Cate tries to pull but nothing happens.] You need to pull harder. [Cate does so and screams in pain as the syringe fills with some sort of yellow liquid.]
+House, You okay?
+Cate, Yeah.
+Wilson, Are you okay?
+House, It's a valid medical question.
+Wilson," I have nEver heard you ask a Patient that question. You've nEver asked me that question, and you've seen me fall down a flight of stairs drunk. You've slept with her."
+House," She's 9,000 miles away. [Elevator opens, they walk out towards the exit.] And while a certain part of me unfurled!"
+Wilson," No, you! Somehow you've been intimate with her. Why are you following me?"
+House, Thought you were following me.
+Wilson," No, you are definitely following me."
+House, Where are you going?
+Wilson, Out to lunch.
+House, You nEver go out to lunch. Means there's a reason you're going out to lunch. I assume that reason is a huMan being.
+Wilson, Or a sandwich.
+House, Sandwiches can come here.
+Wilson, So can huMan beings.
+House," Yet she's not, which I find interesting."
+Wilson, I'm leaving now. [Walks away.]
+House, Small world. [Follows.]
+Wilson, Are you going to follow me into my car?
+House, It's got two doors.
+Wilson," Okay, look. The reason I haven't told you is! [Runs off leaving House just standing there watParkng.]"
+Cameron," Call off your dogs, House. Your little helpers are interrogating my Patients, swiping my charts, intercepting prescriptions."
+House, Why would you think that I'm!
+Cameron, Because I'm not a moron. You had to be pulling the strings here. You think that because they make me miserable I'm going to give you cable?
+House, Let's assume that's true. And it certainly sounds like it might be. What are you going to do?
+Cameron, Nothing. I resigned from the budget committee. [Shows House a piece of paper.] I only joined the committee to help the hospital. You made me a liability. I now have zero influence over the hospital's cable policy. [Walks away and smiles.]
+House, Well done.
+Taub, It didn't work. There's nothing more that we can do.
+House, Put these up. [Hands them some fliers.]
+Kutner, [Reading the flier.] Free Rottweiler puppies. Please call after 11:00 pm and before 5:00 am. [Looks up at House] Is this Cameron's home number?
+House," [Putting up a flier.] I love a new puppy. My last one was delicious, very tender."
+Taub, There's no point in torturing her.
+House," If she can resign, she can un-resign. Go to def-con one. Forget waiting for a mistake, make her make one."
+House," Harm suggests perManent damage. Get her to screw up, then fix it. Oh, and this time, don't tell her what you're going to do before you do it. [Leaves.]"
+Cate," So, how long do I let the lymph node marinate in the red wine?"
+Wilson, It should be ready now. [Cate look in the microscope. Wilson has a split screen and is looking at the same thing.] Try increasing the magnification on the camera. [Cate does so.]
+Cate," You know, I e-mailed a couple colleagues at the hospital about you."
+Wilson," You're checking up on me, not House?"
+Cate," Yeah, well House is straightforward, brilliant, and an ass."
+Wilson," Two out of three good qualities, clear majority."
+Cate," Whereas you, on the other hand, have a perfect score. You are responsible, nice, huMan, and yet you're House's best friend."
+Wilson, Hold there. [Cate stops adjusting.] Makes you think he's secretly nicer than he seems?
+Cate, Makes me think that you're secretly a lot less nice than you seem.
+Wilson, Do you always insult your doctors?
+Cate, It's not an insult. Indiscriminate niceness is overrated.
+Wilson," [Smiles.] No wonder he likes you. Based on this slide, you do not have cancer."
+Cate, [ReliEved.] Oh thank god.
+Wilson, I do see some inflammation which could mean!
+Cate, [Leans back in her chair and grabs her side.] Ah!
+Wilson, Cate? You all right?
+Cate," My left side, it hurts... It's the same pain that I had on the right."
+Wilson, Your other kidney.
+Cate," No, I hope it's something, It's maybe [Screams.] Oh, no! I'm screwed."
+House, Bad news is you're 0 for 2 in the kidney department.
+Cate, Is there good news? You're back at home.
+House, Of course. There's cable. And the freedom to work pant-free.
+Cate, That is good news.
+House, Wilson found signs of inflammation in your biopsy. That plus the two failing kidneys points to autoimmune disease. PRobably SLE or vasculitis. Treatment for both is prednisone. Start with 100 milligrams...
+Cate," Autoimmune is just your latest theory. Like cancer before that, and a kidney stone before."
+House," Take the prednisone, you'll get better, that'll be your confirmation."
+Cate," You practice medicine like it's a fire sale. You've wasted antibiotics, X-rays."
+House, That was not a waste. We ruled out!
+Cate," We have a crew member here who has asthma. If he has an episode after I've used up the prednisone, he'll die."
+House," There a good chance he's going to die anyway, since there won't be a doctor there to help him."
+Cate, Show me proof that it's autoimmune and then I'll take the prednisone. [Turns off the camera.]
+Foreman, We should send her outside.
+House," Right, just tell her to head north until she runs into a hospital."
+Foreman," Autoimmune diseases are basically inflammation running wild. Extreme cold has been used as treatment, like putting ice on a sprained ankle. She starts to feel better outside, we know it's autoimmune."
+Wilson, [Notices something on House's desk.] Is that my wallet?
+House," Yeah, you can have it back. I've already been through it. I like your ice on a sprain metaphor. Makes it seem like we're not killing her."
+Foreman, She'd only need to be outside five minutes.
+House, Without her mittens. Mom told me that was a bad idea. Especially that winter it was 70 below and I had dual kidney failure.
+Foreman," This is a good idea. It's perfect for you. Experimental, risky. Wilson's right. You care about!"
+Wilson," You didn't touch the cash, but you took the receipts?"
+House," [Picks up a receipt off his desk.] $190 restaurant tab. That's dessert, pRobably booze. Means you lingered. Means it's at least the third date. Means! [Starts to leave.]"
+Foreman, Where are you going?
+House, To talk to the people I pay to come up with medical ideas.
+Foreman," There are no ideas. The test for autoimmune is ANA. Unless penguins poop immuno-analysers, she's not!"
+House," Before A.N.A. testing, people had autoimmune diseases. How did they know?"
+Foreman, C3.
+House, Before that.
+Foreman, LE Prep. But she doesn't have any controlled pore glass beads.
+Wilson, You don't need them. [Holds up a paperclip.]
+House," When you shake the test tube, the paperclip will damage some of your blood cells. If you have an autoimmune disease, your immune system will gorge itself on the damaged cells. They'll get big and fat so you can see them under a microscope. [She puts the test tube down and picks up the oxygen mask.] How you doing?"
+Cate, No change. So how long should I give the cells to fatten up before I check them?
+House, Couple hours. Or you could stop being a hypocrite and take the prednisone now.
+Cate, Not bending to your will makes me a hypocrite?
+House," If your psych Patients deManded lab results, you'd nEver make a diagnosis."
+Cate," So I'm wrong. You sleep like a baby, your life is unfolding as you dreamed."
+House, Everyone is miserable. You don't change that because people don't change.
+Cate, You want to beliEve that because then you're freed from any responsibility for your misery.
+House, Oh shut up. I get enough of this from Wilson.
+Cate," And yet you keep hanging out with him. And from what I hear, you have spent more time with me than with any other Patient."
+House, Sorry about that. Call me when you get the results. [Turns off the camera.]
+Cuddy, How's your Patient?
+House, She has an autoimmune disease. Tell the psych department she's in denial.
+Cuddy, I had to fire Cameron.
+Foreman, What? What happened?
+Cuddy," 65-year-old Man came into the ER with a hip fracture. Cameron gave him Demerol. The guy was on an MAOI, put him into a hypertensive crisis."
+Foreman, Is he going to live?
+Cuddy," Taub caught the error in time. If she'd just admitted the mistake, maybe I could've just suspended her. But... she's packing up, if you want to say good-bye."
+House, We should be hearing from the South Pole in a few minutes.
+Cuddy, That's it?
+House, Well there's nothing to be done. She screwed up. She's got no one to blame but herself. [Cuddy leaves.]
+Foreman, I got to go talk to Cameron.
+House," Cuddy wouldn't can her for one screw-up and if she did, she wouldn't come to me. And if she did, she wouldn't open with, ""how's your Patient."" And if she did..."
+Foreman, Why would she lie?
+House," Timeless question. In this case, she conspired with your coworkers to teach me that some things are more important than cable. And I'm gonna have to teach them that they're wrong. Come on, South Pole really should be calling. [Motions for Foreman to give him money to pay for his food.]"
+Cate, LE Prep test was negative. It's not autoimmune.
+House, You're basing that on a test done with a paperclip. Just take the prednisone.
+Cate, Either find another diagnosis or find another test.
+House, There is one way. You can take this experimental drug called... pred-ni-sone! Your Kidneys start working...
+Foreman, There is another test.
+House," [Scrunches his Parkp packet near the microphone.] I, I think Foreman may have just broken up there. What he actually said was there is no other test."
+Foreman," If you have an autoimmune disease, exposure to the cold should decrease your kidney pain."
+Cate," If I go outside, we'll have our answer? [Foreman nods.] [To House.] And you knew about this?"
+House," I rejected it because if you're frozen solid, it's hard to get the needles into your arms."
+Cate, [Getting up.] How long do I need to stay out?
+Foreman, At least five minutes.
+House, Eight minutes outside would kill a healthy person. And healthy people don't suck on oxygen masks. Healthy people can pee.
+Cate," I'll go get Sean, have him come with me. [Starts taking off layers.]"
+House, Just take the prednisone!
+Cate, Once I come inside. If it's autoimmune. [Picks up the screen but starts to wobble.]
+Foreman, Are you all right? [She collapses.]
+House, Oh I'm sure she's just fine. Cate? [To Foreman] Do you know if there's anyone down there who has a cell phone.
+Foreman," Took the station mechanic 20 minutes to respond. She'd already slipped into a coma. Started her on prednisone, but no improvement."
+House," Means it's not autoimmune. Good thing she's in a coma, or we'd have to listen to her gloat."
+Wilson, And where are we going?
+House, To find the useful members of my team.
+Foreman, You're letting them off the hook?
+House," Happy? Because of you, I'm not going to be able to watch law and order in Korean."
+Wilson, Why am I here?
+House, Because I want to ask you about your girlfriend. I must know who she is or you'd have told me her name.
+Wilson, She doesn't have a name. It's some sort of birth defect.
+House," There's only about 12 people we both know. I can't remember five of their names, so we're down to... Cuddy! Your ex-wives..."
+Wilson," Your mama. [Elevator opens, they walk out.] You need to run a kidney function test."
+House," Yes, if only she wasn't in a coma, we could get her to run a test to find out why she's in a coma. The results would likely be paradoxical. Can't be Cuddy, 'cause you're straight. Can't be!"
+Foreman, We could talk the mechanic through the test.
+House, Too compliCated... Unless he's thirsty.
+SEAN, Drink her urine?
+Foreman," If it has a strong, concentrated taste, it means the pRoblem's in her kidneys. Watery taste means it's her brain."
+SEAN, And then you can fix it?
+House, Let's say yeah.
+SEAN, How do I get the urine out?
+Foreman, Take a straight catheter and insert it...
+House," These are your only questions? Not, is it safe? Or, is there another way? Or, are you out of your minds?"
+SEAN, You wouldn't ask me if!
+House," Wait a second. You're in love with her. That explains why you're so eager to get her naked, then have a drink. Cause most guys like to go the other way around."
+SEAN, Why do you care how I feel about her?
+House," Because now, I know that I can get you to do anything to save her. Tell him how to tap the keg. [Leaves.]"
+House, You got Cameron fired.
+Taub, Cuddy wasn't supposed to find out.
+House, No kidding! Get me cable. How tough can that be? Cost a Woman her job. There's only one thing you can say to keep me from firing you.
+House, Wrong.
+Taub, You know?
+Kutner, We're still fired?
+House, That should be a hint as to what you're supposed to say.
+Taub, We're sorry.
+House, Wrong.
+Kutner, I love you.
+House, Wrong.
+House," Right. You should've said this two days ago. Do not play games with me. Number one, you're going to lose, you're just not ready. Number two, the game was to force you to stop playing games. I need you to stand up to me. Challenge me. I need you to stop worrying about getting fired. Go pay for my cable. [Starts to leave.]"
+Kutner, No!
+House," I didn't mean on this. Seriously, I need cable."
+House," Milk, milk, lemonade?"
+SEAN, This tastes kind of watery.
+House, That's bad news.
+Foreman, Either increased intracranial pressure or something's wrong with her hypothalamus.
+SEAN, How do you figure out which one it is?
+House," We don't do anything. You're going to drill a hole in her skull. If she regains consciousness, it's increased intracranial pressure."
+SEAN, And if it's the other thing?
+House," She'll die. But if it's the hypothalamus, she's dead anyway."
+SEAN," If the pRoblem is the pressure in her brain, and I fix it, is she going to be all better?"
+House," Nope, but it'll give us more time to figure out what's wrong."
+SEAN, [Starts to panic.] I have to get someone else. I can't do this.
+House," You love her, right? You'd do anything to save her."
+SEAN," Not this. I can't do this. If, if she dies because of something that I did, then I!"
+House," Listen, listen. I am not going to let you hurt her. Okay? Now please... This is her only chance."
+SEAN, Okay. [Gets up and walks towards Cate.]
+House," Well, that was easy."
+SEAN," Okay, her head is stabilised and the drill bit is sterile."
+Foreman," Place the drill bit against the upper left part of her forehead. About an inch above the temple. [Sean turns on the drill and slowly moves it down onto her head, it goes through the skin and stops going down further.]"
+SEAN, It's not going anywhere.
+Foreman," Bone's harder than wood, lean into it. The skull's only a quarter-inch thick. Once you're midway through, drill in shorter bursts. [Sean does as he's told.]"
+House," If it comes out the other side, you've gone too far."
+SEAN," [The drill gets through the bone and Sean stops it.] Okay, now what? Now what?"
+House, Let the fluid drain. [Blood starts to come out of the hole in Cate's head. After a few seconds Cate starts to wake up.]
+SEAN, She's waking up. She's waking up.
+Cate, Sean? What's going on?
+House," South Pole doc is out of her coma, and now we have a new symptom. Increased intracranial pressure."
+Kutner, Why are we out here?
+House, That's the Patient room. ICP plus kidney pRoblems plus lung collapse equals?
+Taub, The most likely suspect is a tumour throwing off clots.
+Foreman, We ruled out cancer.
+House, But not clots. What causes blood clots?
+Foreman, Not without a fEver.
+Taub, Deep vein thrombosis plus an existing PFO.
+House, PFO would've been discovered in her pre-South Pole physical exam.
+Kutner," What if the clots aren't clots? Atherosclerosis. Fatty plaque builds up on the arterial walls, pieces break off, block blood flow. Explains Everything."
+House," She has zero risk factors. Forget fat, think clots."
+Kutner, No.
+House, You're standing up to me?
+Kutner, Maybe.
+House, Just to clarify. You should do that when you're right. Sorry for the confusion. How could a clot!
+Kutner," Could be a different kind of fat, fat emboli."
+House," That's a perfect fit... Except it's completely impossible! Fat emboli requires an unrepaired bone break. Between the x-ray and the exam, I've seen her entire! [Epiphany.] See, that's what I'm talking about. [Kutner bows.]"
+House, Take off her socks. [Sean moves to her feet.]
+Cate," I could, I could do it."
+SEAN," No, I got it. [Takes off her sock rEvealing quite a badly broken big toe.]"
+House, Your toe is broken.
+Cate," Oh, my god."
+House," Bits of bone marrow have been leaking into your blood stream. Those fat emboli have caused blockages in your kidney, lungs, and brain."
+Cate, It doesn't Even hurt.
+House, Cold numbs Everything. Does a particularly great job on the extremities.
+Foreman, You'll need to close the break to stop the marrow from leaking.
+House, This one you will feel.
+Cate, [To Sean] Will you do it?
+House, He drilled a hole in your skull after drinking your pee. I think he's up for this.
+Foreman," Grab the tip of her toe with your right hand. Hold the break with the other. [Sean does as he's told.] On the count of three, pull hard. One... two... three. [Sean pulls, we hear a loud crack and Cate screams.]"
+House, Now splint your toe. You'll be fine.
+Cate," Thank you, House."
+House, Don't thank me. He's the one who saved your life. [Cate looks at Sean. They smile and hug. During the hug Cate looks back towards House and smiles. House turns off the camera.] He likes her. [House leaves.]
+Wilson, [To waiter.] A bottle of the Bordeaux and some sParkling water.
+House," Well, you didn't pick her up. Which means she's coming from work too. Which means you're comfortable enough to meet her."
+Wilson, Damn. Thought I lost you when I walked backwards through my own footprints in the snow.
+House, I think I've got it narrowed down to three possibilities.
+Wilson," Better leave, if you see her, it'll be cheating."
+House, It's not one of your ex-wives.
+Wilson, Because they hate me.
+House," They don't. They should, but they don't. I called them. Someone new, but someone I know."
+Wilson, Did you Ever consider being happy for me?
+House, Briefly. You ordering the wine before she got here!
+Wilson," Girls are good, House. And you know it. You solved your case because you cared about that girl."
+House, You're demonstrating the illusion of Manly confidence. Which means you haven't closed the deal yet.
+Wilson, I closed the deal. I just like her.
+House, Still?
+Wilson," You knew your Patient hated having cold feet because you did a physical exam, because you liked her."
+House," Your theory is I cared, therefore I let her keep her socks on? If that's what love is, then I don't want to have anything to do with it."
+Wilson, It starts with warm feet but leads to other things. Your mom and I will explain when you're older.
+House," If I'd made her take them off like I should've, I would've seen the toe and would've solved the case days ago."
+Wilson, But you don't care about her.
+Amber, Of course not. House doesn't care about anyone.
+Wilson, [Gets up and kisses her.] Hi.
+Amber, Sorry I'm late.
+House, [Shocked.] Cut throat bitch?
+Wilson, I call her Amber. Was she on your list?
+Yonatan," I don't know about you, but I'm nervous."
+JEWISH GUEST, [along with others] Mazel tov!
+JEWISH LADY, Mazel tov. Many Parkldren.
+ SILVER," This is a great thing, Roz. Oh, I am so happy for you."
+Roz," Thank you, Mrs. Silver."
+ SILVER, Yonatan is a good Man from a good family.
+Roz, I know you chose well for me. I've been blessed.
+House, Cross-species mating. I feel like Darwin in the Galapagos.
+Wilson, Amber and I have a lot in common.
+House, She's a Cutthroat Bitch. You cry over Dark Victory.
+Wilson," Bette Davis - another strong, assertive Woman."
+House," You don't like strong, you don't like assertive. You like needy."
+House," She's not dying, is she?"
+Wilson, [acting mournful] Yes. Go 'way.
+House, I give it two months.
+Wilson, Hundred bucks.
+House, Not really fair. You're not objective. [shrugs] But I'm all about the teaParkng...
+Wilson, [interrupts] We're at four months.
+House," [genuinely surprised, sounding hurt] You hid this from me?"
+Wilson," I was wrong, okay? I thought you'd be upset. I thought you'd track me down in the hallways, and..."
+House, You shouldn't have discounted the sex. She's obviously limber enough to put off the meltdown for two months.
+Wilson, She's not needy. I don't need needy.
+House, She's scary. Why does Scary need Pathetic?
+Wilson, Are you gonna talk to her?
+House, [acts helpless] I don't see that I have any choice.
+House, You all right with that?
+House, No impulse to save her from me?
+Wilson," I've broken the pattern, House. Which is why this has a chance. I know you're too suspicious to accept that without getting out your ruler and your calipers and your scanning equipment. So, go ahead. Get it out of your system."
+Thirteen," Thirty-eight-year-old female with loss of bladder control, blood in her urine and a broken leg from collapsing at her wedding."
+House, Ampicillin for the UTI. [hands the folder back to Thirteen] Shiny cast for the leg. [to all] You guys know Wilson's dating Amber?
+Foreman, No.
+Taub, Wilson and Amber?
+Kutner, I knew.
+Kutner, I asked her out. Said she just started seeing someone.
+Thirteen, [holding out the folder again] Cultures were negative for UTIs. No signs of previous trauma or STDs.
+House, Kidney cancer.
+Thirteen, CT was clean for tumors and kidney stones.
+House, [to Kutner] I thought Amber scared you guys.
+Kutner, She does. But she also has legs that go all the way up to Canada.
+House, So do Canadians. Doesn't mean I wanna date one.
+Thirteen, [Cameron-like persistence] Her sodium's low. Could be endometriosis in the bladder.
+Taub, Low sodium could also be from low food. Hasidic Jews fast on their wedding day.
+House, Or... sodium was absorbed by a toxin already in her system. [to Kutner] Was it just the legs? Or did you detect something resembling a soul?
+Kutner," [amused] She grew on me. If there's a toxin in her, could be carbolic acid. [clarifying] I'm talking about the Patient now."
+Foreman," That much carbolic acid, someone would've had to poison her."
+House," Coulda been a Cossack. If this was eighteenth-century Poland and Cossacks were into Household cleansers. Which is why it's more likely that the poisoner was ""poisonee""."
+Taub, Suicide's a sin.
+House," Corollary of ""people lie"" is ""people sin"". In my world, ""people"" includes Jews."
+Thirteen, She was getting married.
+House," Hasidic women marry young so they can start pushing out little Hasidilings. Thirty-eight means a Woman not on anyone's hot-list. Being pushed onto a guy who's not on anyone's hot-list. No way out, no way out..."
+Thirteen, [interrupts] Endometriosis fits better than an epiphany that her life is meaningless. We should start her on AIs and do a cystoscopy to confirm.
+House, Fine.
+House," Check her innards for bad cells and her home for bad karma. Carbolic acid should be on her shelf, right next to the regret and the self-loathing."
+Taub, [testily] These people are crazy.
+Foreman," Yeah, she should be self-hating."
+Taub," I'm not self-hating. I hate religious people who are out of touch with reality. You only marry someone you met three times, if they're carrying a little mistake."
+Foreman, [rhetorically] What's their divorce rate?
+Taub," [looking through the bucket] Cleaners are all organic, nothing with carbolic acid. You like how they hook up?"
+Foreman," RoMance is just emotional foreplay, y'know. Candlelight meals, flowers - it's as much a ritual as anything these people do. Why not go with someone who's pre-vetted, shares the same values? Cut to the quick."
+Taub," Values may give you the big picture, but time together gives you the little picture. Does she chew her food too loud? Will she leave you alone during the Final Four?"
+Foreman," You commit to something deeper, you let the little surprises slide."
+Taub, Surprises kill. Which is why I only commit when there are no more surprises.
+Foreman, And you have no more surprises for your wife.
+Taub, Do you think this came up on date number two?
+Foreman, You Ever heard of a Hasidic Jew into hard rock? She's listed as a producer on all of these.
+Taub," Where there's rock and roll, [holding up the lingerie] and sex... usually, there's drugs."
+Roz, I'm Baalat tshuva. I became Hasidic about six months ago.
+Thirteen, And before six months ago? Music business isn't exactly known for its holiness.
+Roz, [reluctantly] Heroin. But I've been clean for months.
+Roz," Yonatan knows. The broad strokes. He nEver actually asks the details. Says what's important is the person that I am now, not the person I was then."
+Kutner, How do you go all the way from...?
+Roz, [obviously tired of this question] Just took a class. Then I took another class.
+Kutner, And you just completely left the music business?
+Roz, Pop music is considered frivolous. Same reason we don't watch TV or go to movies.
+Thirteen, Your drug use may have caused some long term damage. We're gonna need to take a hair sample to test for latent toxins.
+Kutner," [almost feeling sorry for her, because...] So you can nEver watch Star Wars again."
+House, You figured that I'll hire you...
+House, ... if you promised to dump Wilson.
+Amber, How did you...?
+House, Wilson had a key.
+House," You figure that I'll make your life hell at first, but I'll Eventually see how good you are and keep you."
+Amber," [dryly] It's a good plan, don't you think? Perfectly tailored to your personality."
+House," No, it's not. You know it's not. Means you just wanna stay in my orbit 'cause you figure I'll Eventually realize that I made a mistake and you're gonna be able to rub my face in it."
+Amber, [humoring him] I can't wait. It's gonna be awesome.
+House," No, it's not. And you know it's not. 'Cause you know that Even if I made a mistake, I'd nEver admit that I made a mistake. Which means that you're just toying with Wilson to toy with me."
+House, [drops the book on the nearby table] Your goal is pure feral vengeance.
+Amber," Innocent bystander, but there's a greater good."
+House," No, that's not it. Because a bag of flaming poop bypasses the bystander."
+Amber," So... which is it, House? Am I in this for you? Or am I in this for him?"
+House, Give him back his sweatshirt. 'Pit stains don't become you.
+Kutner, Treatment had no effect. Rules out endometriosis. And her hair sample was negative for residue drugs.
+Taub, This Woman lived in the fast lane till six months ago. Maybe we're missing something.
+Kutner, She admitted drug use. Doubt she's holding out on her days as an asbestos miner.
+Taub, Cryoglobulinemia might account for the symptoms.
+House, Except for the one you missed.
+Taub, There's no change in her condition.
+House, I'm not talking about a new symptom. I'm talking about one that presented six months ago.
+Taub," Look, she's nuts, but we can't just give her ten ccs of atheism and send her home."
+House," Religion is a symptom of irrational belief and groundless hope. Altered mental status, on the other hand, is a symptom of porphyria."
+Kutner," She didn't dEvelop uncontrollable anger, crying, anxiety. She just decided to go to temple."
+House," The Woman didn't _just_ choose to keep kosher. [sits] She went directly to the extremes of Hasidism, a life of stringent rules. She became a masoParkst."
+Kutner," She didn't like her old life, so she changed it."
+House, People don't change. They might want to. They need to.
+Kutner, [pointing at Taub] Taub gave up a six figure plastic surgery career for this job. That mean he has porphyria?
+House, He switched jobs to save his marriage. He did it to avoid change.
+Taub, [hesitates a beat] He's right. You don't suddenly choose crazy without suddenly being crazy.
+Kutner," No, no, if she walked away from Everything to go base jumping or live with apes, we wouldn't be having this discussion."
+House, We would if she was also tinkling blood out of her overexcited bladder. Pump Hadassah full of hematin and give her a phlebotomy.
+Roz, Bloodletting?
+Kutner, Porphyria is a rare genetic disorder that causes an overproduction of a certain protein. Draining the blood reliEves...
+Yonatan, The hair test for damage from drugs showed she has a rare genetic disease?
+Kutner, Not-not exactly. We're testing her now to confirm.
+Yonatan, You're treating it before you confirm it?
+Kutner, Blood test results take twenty-four hours.
+Yonatan, You must have seen something that makes you suspect it.
+Kutner," Uhh, Dr. House has a theory."
+Foreman, A theory based on what?
+Yonatan, We'd like a different doctor.
+Cuddy, I assure you that Dr. House is our best...
+Yonatan," Then we will settle for second-best, someone who doesn't think my wife is sick just because she's religious."
+House," If you prefer, I can give your wife my second-best diagnosis."
+House, D'you know Wilson's dating Amber?
+Cuddy, I have reviewed the chart. Someone on your team must have pointed out that cryoglobulinemia also fits the symptoms.
+House," Yes, it fits _Many_ of the symptoms."
+Yonatan, My wife's body is sick. Her mind and soul are fine.
+House," You live according to God's six hundred comMandments, right?"
+Yonatan, [folding his arms] Six hundred Thirteen.
+House, You understand them all?
+Yonatan, Takes a lifetime of learning...
+House," But you follow the ones you don't understand because the ones you do understand make sense, and you beliEve that the guy who created them knows what he's doing."
+Yonatan, Of course.
+House," So you will trust my diagnosis and you'll let me treat her, because in this temple, [scarily] I am Dr. Yahweh."
+Yonatan, [wagging his finger at Cuddy] I want a new doctor.
+Cuddy, I'm starting her on indomethacin for cryoglobulinemia.
+House," People don't change. For example, I'm gonna keep repeating ""people don't change""."
+Cuddy, So alcoholics that successfully go through treatment don't exist.
+House," They're still alcoholics. If they nEver take a drink as long as they live, it's only 'cause they didn't live long enough."
+Cuddy," If you're dissatisfied with your life, changing it is a symptom of mental health."
+Cuddy, I get why that concept is strange to you...
+Thirteen, O2 sats are 85. She's hypoxic. We might need to intubate.
+Yonatan, [worried] What's wrong with her?
+Cuddy, It's definitely not cryoglobulinemia.
+House, [pointing upwards] Better ask Him.
+Kutner, [vo] We kept her on oxygen overnight.
+Kutner," Her respiratory rate stabilized, and her O-sat's back up to 95. Saw Amber drop off Wilson this morning."
+House, [hisses] Yes. The male always drives the female. So what caused the breathing pRoblem?
+Thirteen, Pulmonary involvement rules out porphyria.
+Taub, She kiss him or he kiss her?
+Kutner, I missed it. The lab tech with the tongue stud also pulled up.
+Foreman, Wegener's would explain her elevated sed rate.
+House, Wegener's wouldn't explain the changed mental status.
+Thirteen," Actually, we've been trying to ignore that part of the whiteboard."
+House," Well, I wrote it in black. I'm always serious when I use black. Lupus would explain..."
+Thirteen, [interrupts] Maybe she didn't change.
+House, Are you agreeing with me or you making a point?
+Thirteen, I'm making a point.
+House, That's gonna take longer.
+Thirteen, How do we know that the real Roz isn't who she is now and who she was then? Can't we say that her previous life was true without making her present one a fraud?
+House," ""Life is messy"" argument. Nice. Explains Everything without explaining anything. If it's lupus, there's a heart pRoblem we don't know about yet. Run her through a stress test. If she has a heart attack, I'm right."
+Taub, Or we could wait. Hope that...
+House, You're afraid to give her a heart attack.
+Taub, Of course we're afraid to...
+House, No reason to be afraid. Unless you think I'm right.
+Taub, [no other choice] It's Wegener's.
+Taub, But we'll have the crash cart just in case.
+House," [feigning pleasant surprise] Oh, my God! What are you guys doing here?"
+House, I had a sudden yen for Fusion.
+Wilson," [to Amber, apologetically] I put a different restaurant in my date book. I'm firing my assistant."
+Amber," That's okay. [to House] Hi, Greg. And I call you Greg because we're now social equals."
+House," I call you Cutthroat Bitch... well, Quod erat demonstrandum. And I speak in Latin because I don't try to hide what an ass I am."
+Amber, I assume you'd like to join us? It'll be easier to observe our interaction if you're at the same table.
+Wilson, If we Ever get seated.
+Amber, Excuse me.
+Wilson," No, no, I, uh..."
+Amber, We've been waiting for...
+House," Any minute now, she's gonna hit him in the face with your testicles."
+Wilson, She tends to treat ev... [notices House sipping Amber's drink] She tends to treat Every Event like it's the last copter out of Saigon.
+House, She's the anti-Wilson. She's a force for evil.
+Wilson," She has an annoying quality. Perhaps Even two. If I was perfect, I would date perfect."
+House, You like that!
+Wilson," It's annoying, but she's good at it."
+House, Wait a second.
+House, This isn't just about the sex. You like her personality. You like that she's conniving. You like that she has no regard for consequences. You like that she can humiliate someone if it serves...
+House," [wide-eyed] Oh, my God. You're sleeping with me."
+Taub," [into microphone] I need you to go faster, Roz."
+Taub, Little harder.
+Roz," [testily] I am going harder, dammit."
+Yonatan, [to Taub] What if Dr. House was right? And Roz did make a radical change?
+Taub, Lupus is chronic but treatable.
+Yonatan," And with the treatment, it'd undo the change? She'll be the way she was before I knew her?"
+Taub, I don't think it's likely.
+Yonatan, Then you don't know for sure.
+Taub, You'd find someone else.
+Yonatan, There isn't someone else.
+Taub, You've had three dates.
+Yonatan, How long have you been married?
+Taub, Twelve years.
+Yonatan, And is she the one?
+Taub, We wouldn't still be together if she weren't. I love her as much now as the day...
+Yonatan," Well, you should love her more. The more you know someone, the more you should love them."
+Taub," [standing] Okay, that's enough, Roz."
+Taub, Your heart's as strong as a battleship.
+Yonatan, Does this mean Dr. House was wrong?
+Roz," Oh! Oh, my leg!"
+Foreman, Heart's strong enough to prove you wrong about the change in mental status.
+House, Only proves this isn't lupus. Just as the leg pain proves it isn't Wegener's.
+Foreman, Leg pain can be from nerve entrapment. We're thinking blood clot.
+House, Do an MRI to look for the clot. Then do an fMRI.
+Foreman, An MRI alone will detect...
+House, If the clot hasn't dissolved. An fMRI can show signs of near-ischemic stroke in post-ischemic parts of the brain.
+House, Gimme ten bucks.
+Foreman, No.
+House, I missed lunch.
+Foreman, I thought you went...
+House, [annoyed] I missed lunch!
+Thirteen, Good symmetrical activity in both hemispheres.
+Foreman," Caudal structures look okay. She hasn't changed? Sex, drugs, rock and roll, the six hundred rules of God are all in there somewhere."
+Thirteen, We oversimplify people. It's how the huMan mind works. Everything's on or off. Everything's got a... Category.
+Foreman," You don't like it. You don't wanna be... oversimplified. [into microphone] Roz, move your right leg."
+Thirteen, No one can describe themselves in ten words. Why would we wanna hear anyone else do it?
+Foreman, So you keep it a mystery. No Categories if no one knows anything.
+Thirteen, Do you think maybe you're oversimplifying me now?
+Foreman," No. I'm sure you have Many reasons to keep yourself a mystery, besides the fact that you're bisexual."
+Foreman," Uh, denial would have worked before the long, vacant stare. [into microphone] Roz, move your left leg just an inch."
+Foreman, People who have a pRoblem with boxes are people who don't fit in them.
+Thirteen, [chuckling] You've been working for House for a long time.
+Foreman, [smiling] No need for name calling.
+Thirteen," I would ask if this was gonna be lunchtime gossip, but lucky for me..."
+Foreman, I don't give a damn.
+House, How's our Mental Yentl?
+Thirteen, MRI shows no sign of clots. fMRI shows no pRoblem areas.
+House, Go restart her IV.
+Foreman, What's wrong with it?
+House," Nothing. But like so Many procedures we put Patients through, it hurts. Which, if she's enjoying it, will show up in pretty colors."
+Thirteen, [mildly outraged] This is why you wanted an fMRI?
+House," It showed she didn't have a blood clot, which is diagnostically relevant. And it can show that she's become a masoParkst, also diagnostically relevant. And it'll be cool."
+House, Either explain which part of my analysis didn't make sense. Or go do it.
+Foreman, It isn't cool.
+Foreman, Sorry.
+House, Heavens. Look at her limbic system. Pleasure centers are lighting up like a Hanukkah bush. Foreman must have a touch like an elephant.
+Thirteen," [into microphone] Okay, Roz. We've got what we need."
+House," Yes, it _was_ impressive. [tight smile]"
+Thirteen, Roz. You all right?
+Roz," Oh, sorry. I was praying."
+Thirteen, All through the procedure?
+Roz," No. When Dr. Foreman apologized, I knew something bad was gonna happen."
+Thirteen," [triumphantly, to House] She was praying. Could explain the brain activity."
+Foreman, BP and heart rate are dropping. She's crashing!
+Foreman, She's stabilizing.
+House, Get her up.
+House, All the way up. On her feet.
+House, Make her do that again.
+Foreman, We started her on fludrocortisone and ephedrine.
+Kutner," It's Planet of the Apes. Apes are the huMans, huMans are the apes. It's Wacky Wednesday, Opposite Day."
+Kutner," When you stand up, your BP and heart rate are supposed to go up, not..."
+House, Got it.
+House," So what causes bloody urine, loss of bladder control, leg pain, altered mental status, and [backwards] pressure-blood in direction-wrong?"
+Foreman, Pheochromocytoma.
+House, Low Catecholamines in the urine means no pheochromocytoma in the Jewess.
+Thirteen, Could be systemic sclerosis.
+House, [reminding] Mental status!
+Taub, She was praying.
+House, She was in pain. You no longer think she's crazy?
+Taub, I can... see why she'd be attracted... to that life.
+House, [shrugs defeatedly] You drank the Manishewitz-flavored Kool-Aid.
+Taub, I'm not saying I agree. I'm just saying...
+House, That there's a rational basis for the irrational.
+Taub, They have something we don't have.
+House, Imaginary friends.
+Kutner," If the toaster's not working, wiring could be bad."
+House, Which Debate is that metaphor supposed to help us with?
+Kutner," Electrical pRoblem in the heart. Arrhythmia messes with the blood flow when she stands, causes low BP and heart rate. Could also impact mental status. Everybody's happy."
+House, Run an EP study of her heart. Find where the wiring's verklempt.
+House, Went by your hotel this morning. They told me you moved out. Moved in with CB?
+Wilson," No, apparently, I moved in with you."
+House, The very fact that you're resisting my insight proves to me...
+Wilson," [interrupts] House, you're right. Why not? Why not date you? I-i-it's brilliant."
+Wilson," We've known each other for years, We've put up with all kinds of crap from each other, and we keep coming back. We're a couple!"
+House, Are we still speaking metaphorically?
+Wilson, Amber is exactly what I need and you would agree if you weren't mired in self-loathing topped with a thin crust of megaloMania.
+House, Hey. That's my best friend's girl you're talking about.
+House, I was wrong.
+Wilson," House, you're right."
+House," She's not me. Well, she is me. But that's... not why she's attractive. She's a needy version of me."
+Wilson, [dryly] Hard to imagine such a mythical creature.
+House, You started seeing her right after I fired her.
+Wilson, [correcting] I started seeing her four months ago.
+House, [shakes his head] She told Kutner it was four weeks.
+House, You lied to me. There was money on the line.
+Wilson," [defensively] Because I knew how you'd react, and I knew you wouldn't pay me anyway!"
+House, You knew that I was right.
+Wilson, She wasn't needy. She was in a... bad situation. There's a difference.
+House, Not to your libido.
+Wilson," Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Why are you doing this? Every time I agree with you, you find a new argument. What are you trying to avoid?"
+Wilson," Well, if you'd looked at me with those flashing eyes before I was involved... pfch! [heading towards his office] C'est la vie. And... I use the French because... you're an ass."
+Taub," Right atrium normal, no arrhythmia."
+Kutner, You can become a Dar master. Does that require further explanation?
+Taub, [ignores the jibe] Right ventricle normal.
+Kutner," In college, I was really into science fiction. Not like the guys with the six-hundred-dollar prosthetic ears who could swear in Romulan. That was embarrassing to the rest of us who just thought it was good, smart literature. Went to one convention. By senior year, I was Dar master in the Klingon Empire."
+Taub, I'm not gonna become Hasidic. I'm not Even gonna become slightly more Reform. [sighs] Coronary sinus normal.
+Kutner, You can't have your eyes opened to something and not act on it.
+Taub, I haven't had my eyes opened. I just... don't think they're crazy anymore.
+Kutner, Then they have something to offer.
+Taub," She's living proof that sane people can make radical changes. But House, he thinks that he can bully..."
+Roz, [Hebrew] No loshon hora.
+Taub, I'm sorry?
+Kutner, [to Taub] I think she's telling you to stop deflecting.
+Roz, [drowsily] No loshon hora. Evil tongue. Gossip.
+Kutner," 'S okay. Thanks to the sedative, you won't remember it."
+Roz, Words are perManent. Someday you'll say something that you'll wish you could take back.
+Taub, [looks at the monitor] His bundle's normal. Pathways are all clean. No arrhythmias.
+Kutner," If the toaster doesn't work and the wiring in the House is fine, pRoblem's gotta be in the city's power grid."
+Taub, Autonomic nerve disorder could be Riley-Day syndrome.
+Kutner, [to Roz] Congratulations on your wedding. [whispering] You have a rare and incurable degenerative disease.
+Taub, I'll set up for a thermoregulatory sweat test.
+Roz," [incoherently, softly] Bisexual."
+Kutner, [suddenly interested] What?
+Roz, I could hear them talking from inside the MRI.
+Kutner, Hear who? [to Taub] I heard the word sex.
+Roz, It was interesting.
+Kutner, What was interesting?
+Taub, Doesn't matter.
+Kutner, We're doctors. We nEver know what's gonna matter. She said sex.
+Taub, If she wants to tell you when she wakes up...
+Kutner," [smiling] Yeah, these people aren't gonna change you at all."
+House, I need you to sleep with Wilson.
+Cuddy, [deadpan] Good morning.
+House, He's involved with... an inappropriate Woman.
+Cuddy, His people are sheep-herders and Amber's are... cattlemen?
+House, He's combined two of his worst qualities - his love for me and his love for need.
+House," As administrator of this hospital, you have to save your star oncologist."
+Cuddy," Wish I could help, but as administrator, there are some people in Accounting I'm scheduled to sleep with first."
+House," Wilson has a pattern with women. He saves them, then he betrays them. Which then causes guilt. Which then causes him to go save somebody else. For example, a hospital bureaucrat nearing forty who has no personal life. I suggest you go braless."
+Cuddy," I get that ""sleep with"" is your way of saying I should talk to him?"
+House," No. I really mean ""sleep with""."
+Cuddy, [smiling] You're not worried this relationship will fail. You're worried it'll succeed. That Wilson will no longer be at your beck and call 24/7. That your best friend will change.
+House, [argues] People don't change just because they wish they could.
+Cuddy," [really enjoying this] And it bugs you that he wishes he could! [comforting] You'll nEver lose your friend, House. You're the long-distance runner of neediness."
+Thirteen," [explaining to Yonatan] As the chAmber heats up, Roz's body temperature should also rise, making her sweat and turning the powder purple. No change in color means no sweating, which means her central nervous system is damaged."
+Yonatan, [ill-at-ease] I shouldn't see her like this.
+Thirteen, We could have a diagnosis as soon as she comes out of the chAmber. It might be better if you stayed.
+Yonatan, [turning away] It's disrespectful. I'm sure she imagined the first time her husband would see her bare like this would be... celebrating the marriage?
+Thirteen," Given the circumstances, I think Roz would sacrifice modesty to have you with her."
+Yonatan, Please. Don't do that.
+Thirteen, [confused] What? I-I think it's nice that you're here. I think...
+Yonatan," You think it's sweet. That I care for her modesty, But that it's archaic and ultimately irrelevant."
+Yonatan, Our traditions aren't just blind rituals. They... they mean something. They-they have purpose.
+Yonatan, I respect my wife. [looking away from Roz] And I respect her body.
+Thirteen, Her body temperature's stopped climbing.
+Yonatan, What's going on?
+Thirteen, She's having a seizure! [calling out] Need a crash cart!
+Thirteen, Blankets too! She's freezing!
+House, [vo] She was supposed to sweat and she froze.
+Kutner, [vo] Return to the Planet of the Apes.
+House, Hypothermia caused the seizure. What caused the hypothermia?
+Kutner, Could be an infection.
+Thirteen, Her white blood cell count was fine.
+Kutner, When she was admitted. She coulda picked something up here.
+Foreman, Complication on a complication?
+House, Body's doing the opposite of what it's supposed to. Her body's Wilson. How do we respond to that?
+Foreman, We accept that he's happy.
+House, We do the opposite.
+Thirteen," So you want us to, what, send the Patient home?"
+House," Infection... means that something's been added to the body, something that should be expelled. What's the opposite of that?"
+Kutner, Something missing from the body. Could be an enzyme or a hormone.
+Foreman, [suggesting] Cortisol. Could be Addison's.
+House, It fits. Every symptom.
+Thirteen, I'll run a cortisol stimulation test.
+Cuddy," Are you sure she doesn't wanna just take you back to her lair, hang you upside down, and deposit her eggs in you?"
+Wilson," Excellent disguise, House."
+Cuddy, You two are really that serious?
+Wilson, She's pretty. She's funny. Maybe she's a little more...
+Cuddy, [suggests] ... evil?
+Wilson, [firm] ... aggressive than you'd expect from me. But... I'm happy. Can't I just enjoy what that feels like for a while?
+Cuddy, How Many people have looked at you trustingly while you gave them a fatal prognosis? But you knew it was kinder to tell them the truth. Amber compulsively looks out
+Cuddy, Sorry.
+Wilson, Wow!
+Roz, That cortisol stuff is great. Does it work on Everything?
+Thirteen, I take it you're feeling better.
+Roz," Oh, still weak. But yeah."
+Roz, You must be so tired. You should go home and get some sleep.
+Yonatan, [encouragingly squeezing her legs] I'll stay.
+Roz," I nEver told you, but you are much better looking than Mrs. Silver led me to expect."
+Yonatan," She nEver liked me. When I was eight, I threw up on her shoes at my uncle's wedding."
+Thirteen, Your abdomen is little swollen.
+Roz, [weakly lifting her head] Mm?
+Yonatan, Is it serious?
+Thirteen, It's hard to say. Sometimes it can mean a liver issue. We'll have to test.
+Roz," Oh, oh, dizziness is getting..."
+Thirteen, [calling to a nurse] She's going into shock! I need another liter of saline! Type and cross two units!
+Yonatan, [worried] What's happening to her?
+Thirteen, She's bleeding internally.
+Yonatan, [frightened] She's saying the Sh'ma. She thinks she's dying.
+Chase," The MRI shows you're bleeding internally, but not where it's coming from. The blood can only keep you stable for so long. Our best option is to open you up and search."
+Yonatan, [hopeful] But you can fix it?
+Chase, If we find the leak.
+Roz," You find the bleeding, you find the disease?"
+Chase, No. But it could keep you alive long enough so Dr. House can find what's wrong with you.
+Roz," [shaking her head, small voice] No."
+Roz, I don't wanna have the surgery.
+Chase, It's the only chance you've got.
+Roz, I don't want to have the surgery until after sunset. [to Yonatan] I'm pRobably gonna die anyway. I just wanna share one Shabbat with my husband.
+Yonatan," Roz, please. The Torah comMands us to preserve life."
+Roz," I've waited thirty-eight years to find what I wanted. I can wait another eight hours. [nods] I'll leave the rest to God, okay?"
+Chase, I had a Rabbi call. She's adaMant.
+House," She's not a masoParkst, she's suicidal. [sarcastically] Nice work, Chase."
+Chase, [deadpan] Yeah... I should have had twin Rabbis call. Can I go?
+House, We need you.
+House," So, instead of a few days, we now have a few hours to figure this out. [again] Nice work, Chase."
+Chase, Why do you need me?
+House," Saying, ""nice work, Chase"" when you're not here is pointless."
+House," Seriously, we need you."
+Thirteen, We should X-ray for malformations of the rib that could cause arterial twisting.
+House, Malformations don't cause bloody urine.
+Taub, She's not suicidal. She made a commitment to a new life with her husband and she wants one meaningful experience in that life.
+Foreman, She just met the guy.
+Kutner," Taub just met her and he's already so in love, he's ready to let her die and take her back to the home planet for a burial in the lava sea of Tormiac."
+Taub, It's who he might be. She's connecting with all the years she's not gonna have.
+House, Better way of connecting to those years is to actually have them.
+Chase, You want more time?
+Chase," Joshua got God to make the sun stand still. No reason God can't speed it up. And, by God, I, of course, mean you."
+House, Told you we needed you.
+Taub," It's sundown, Roz."
+Foreman," We're taking you back to your room for your candlelight dinner. [to the others] Ready? One, two, three."
+Roz, It's too early.
+Taub, Your sense of time is off because of the medication.
+Yonatan," [greeting] Good Shabbos, Roz."
+Taub," [whispers to Yonatan] So you pray, scarf down some challah, then we can do this?"
+Amber, You wanted to see me?
+House, And you came.
+Amber, I feel pretty confident it'll be something interesting.
+House, [looking at the 'board] Solve this case and the job is yours.
+Amber," Is there a ""Drop Wilson"" clause attached to this?"
+House, Standard contract all employees sign.
+Amber, Why do you have to beliEve I have an ulterior motive?
+House, For the same reason I beliEve that crack whores can have sex... for crack.
+Amber," [leaning forward, sincerely] All my life I thought I had to choose between love and... respect. And I chose respect. And with Wilson... I know what it's like to have both. [beat] And that beats a fellowship."
+Amber, Could be DIC.
+House, You've changed.
+Amber, I hope so.
+House, Normal platelet count rules out DIC. Good try though.
+Yonatan, [singing] Eishes chayil mi yimtza...
+Yonatan, ... ve-rachok mi-peninim michrah.
+Yonatan, [vo] Dar'eshah tzemer u'fishtim...
+Kutner, I read that a hydatid cyst could...
+House," Would affect the lungs, not the bladder."
+Foreman, Tested her white cell count again. Normal.
+Kutner, How long till we get to cut her open?
+Taub," When I left, he was still singing Eshet-something."
+House, The husband's blessing of his wife. He calls her Eshet Chayil.
+FLASHBACK, [Roz's Wedding. Roz sits in her wedding dress.]
+House," [vo] ""Woman of valor"". ""Strength and honor are her clothing. She laughs at the future""..."
+House, ... because she's an idiot.
+Taub, [quick guess] Volvulus of the small intestine could cause bleeding.
+House," She woulda had constipation. Her value isn't ""beyond pearls"" either. 'Cause dead people have no value."
+Kutner, [shot in the dark] Polycythemia vera.
+House, [shooting his shot down] RBC count would be higher.
+Roz, I need to bring the light to my face.
+Kutner, [vo] Thrombocytopenia. If it's autoimmune...
+Foreman, [vo] Titers were normal.
+Kutner, Parkinson's would explain the hypothermia.
+House," Not the bloody urine. Woman's not just a masoParkst, she's a hypocrite."
+House, [vo] The comMandment to preserve life comes before all others.
+Taub," Actually, it means she's not a masoParkst. She's not following all the rules, just the ones that please her."
+House," [frustrated] Right, she walked in crazy and explained how ritual trumps living, and you decide it's a beautiful lifestyle."
+Taub, [calm] I know. She's wrong.
+FLASHBACK," [Roz's Wedding. As part of the ritual, Yonatan takes a sip of water, as does Roz.]"
+Taub, But if there's nothing more...
+House, [vo] Then the only meaning is here.
+Taub, [vo] But if she thinks God is there for her.
+Taub, If she lives her life believing that God is there...
+House, [grimly] Then she dies.
+House, Things aren't where we want them to be just 'cause we want them to be there.
+House," 'Course, that doesn't mean they're where they should be."
+House, Hey! Stop that Jew!
+House, Chase hates working on Shabbos. Gonna make this easier for him. Stand her up.
+Thirteen, She doesn't do so well on her feet.
+House, Neither do I. Stand her up.
+House, You can tell all the ladies at the Mikvah about this.
+Roz, What did you do?
+Yonatan, What are you doing?
+House, Put your hand here. Press hard.
+House," You have nephroptosis. Also known as ""floating kidney"". [collecting his cane from the nurse] The kidney's like a chandelier."
+House, [vo] It's attached to a ceiling of intestines and blood vessels. But your contractor - think you know who he is - he hung it with a cheap chain. It's been hanging sloppy for years.
+FLASHBACK, [Roz's wedding. She's hoisted up on a chair and rocked up and down.]
+House, [vo] Finally something shook it loose.
+House," After that, Every time you stood, your kidney dropped a few centimeters, caused all your symptoms."
+Thirteen, None of the scans picked it up.
+House, Because we do scans with Patients lying down. She'd've been lying down in surgery too. We would nEver have found it. Good chance she'd nEver come out.
+Yonatan, [hopeful] She'll be all right?
+House," Ultrasound to confirm, then tell Chase to put the kidney back on the shelf. The bleed will be nearby."
+Roz, That's... it?
+House, Mazel tov.
+House," Couple hours surgery, you'll be ready to push out those fourteen Parkldren."
+House," You do it both ways, right?"
+Thirteen, What?
+House, [quickly] The ultrasound. You do it standing up and lying down.
+House, [innocently] What else would I mean?
+House, [sucks in air] I've decided you could do worse than a female proxy for me.
+Wilson, So you're going to acknowledge that people can change?
+House, No.
+Wilson, You think I've changed or Amber's changed?
+House, Nope.
+Wilson, [pointing at House] Then you've changed.
+House," If you do change, can it be the part of you that Chases me down halls, trying to change me?"
+Wilson, [flabbergasted] Do you know what this means?
+House, That you made one good dating choice. The fabric of the space/time continuum could unravel.
+Wilson," My world could expand. I could form a long-term connection that isn't with you. And since you put the darkest possible construction on Everything, you could end up losing a friend. You've thought of all this."
+Wilson, And yet you're going along with it. [shivers a bit] Are you being... self-sacrificing?
+House, I'll sacrifice... a lab rat. I'll sacrifice a fly. I'll sacrifice two hundred on a mudder at Monmouth Park. I don't sacrifice self.
+House," Shabbat Shalom, Wilson."
+Wilson," Shabbat Shalom, House."
+Deb, Who Ever thought walking in a circle at two miles an hour would be draining?
+Jeff," [Smiles] Fresh air, exercise."
+Deb," You know, some things do have their negative sides. Our income just got cut in half."
+Jeff, And we get to spend twice as much time together.
+Deb," More, if you don't leave before your lunch hour's over. [Jeff laughs.]"
+DELIVERY Man, Out of my way.
+Deb, We have a legal right to hold you up for 15 seconds. 15... 14...
+DELIVERY Man, One?
+Deb," 11, 10... [The delivery Man rams into her with his trolley.] Ow!"
+DELIVERY Man, Just trying to do my job.
+Jeff," Hey, relax, three more seconds and you can go."
+DELIVERY Man, [To Jeff] Are you telling me what to do?
+Jeff, It's okay. Just take a breath. [Hugs the Delivery Man.]
+DELIVERY Man, [Pushes Jeff away.] Get the hell off me.
+Jeff, I think it's been 15. [He gets a blank look on his face and his eyes roll back into his head.]
+Deb," You okay? [Screen goes white and we hear Jeff fall to the ground.] Oh, my god, Jeff!"
+House, The place is a mess.
+Cameron," Welcome to a world without nurses. [Hands House some files.] Here, you can start with these."
+House," [Doesn't take them.] It's not my fault, I don't use nurses."
+Cameron," Cuddy was looking for you, said she'd send you down here."
+House," I know, that's why I'm here. [Goes and sits down.]"
+Cameron, Because Cuddy hasn't found you yet. [Shakes her head and goes to look after a Patient.]
+House, She's going to look Everywhere except the place she wants me to be. [Puts his feet up and starts to read a magazine. Glances over at Jeff who is sitting on the end of his bed smiling.] [To Cameron.] Hey.
+Cameron, I've got an aortic dissection here.
+House, What's with the idiot?
+Cameron, Ah.. [Picks up his file.] Fainting spell and recent history of dysgeusia. Everything tastes like lemon meringue pie. You want to take him?
+House, No. [Cameron makes an 'of course' gesture and goes back to what she was doing.] [To Jeff.] Sir. Why do you have two lunches in front of you?
+Jeff, Been here for two meals.
+House, And you're happy with that?
+Jeff," [Shrugs.] No, I just don't see much use in complaining."
+House," Seriously? It's a very useful tool. [Gets up and walks over to him.] Complain, you make people miserable. They do what you want to make the misery go away."
+Deb, [Appears from nowhere beside Jeff.] We pRobably should say something. Maybe I can call one of the doctors I work with...
+Jeff, [Pats her hand.] They're doing their best. [They smile at each other. House stamps his cane on Jeff's foot.] Ow!
+Deb, What the hell?
+Jeff, [Still smiling.] I'm sure it was an accident.
+House, [To Cameron.] Is he Canadian?
+Cameron," Uh, he's a low priority..."
+House, Is that a yes?
+Deb, He's just...
+House," Happy. [Jeff smiles.] I've got to stop this before it spreads. [House whistles. Taub, Kutner, Thirteen and Cameron all look towards House.] You guys are done. [Taub, Kutner and Thirteen start walking over, Cameron looks annoyed.]"
+House," Could be a metabolic disorder, toxic exposure, carcinoma of the tongue metastasized to the brain, Epilepsy, MS!"
+Taub," Or it could be the flu, and we should all be back in the ER."
+Thirteen," [Sarcastically] No, you're ignoring the big symptom. [To House.] What if we're looking at both the flu and decent parenting?"
+House," Okay, you two are perfectly healthy. This guy wasn't pandering, he wasn't vanilla nice, he was nice without any aspiration for personal gain. I'm thinking genetic defect."
+Kutner, [Laughs.] Niceness is a defect?
+House," Three cavemen, see a stranger running towards them with a spear. One fights, one flees, one smiles and invites him over for fondue. That last guy didn't last long enough to procreate."
+Foreman, And how long has the Patient been... suffering?
+House," At least as long as his wife has known him, 11 years."
+Foreman, The chances of him having an undiagnosed pathology for that long...
+House," What are you saying? That evolution is wrong? [Scoffs.] Where do you think we are, 21st Century America?"
+Kutner," He's saying that statistics are true too. That the world is a bell curve, most of us fall within the standard deviation, but there are outliers. And if we beliEve in the existence of extreme jerkiness, which I suspect that we do... [Pauses and looks at House, who glares back.] Then we also have to accept the existence of the opposite extreme."
+Foreman," You want it to be a symptom because then we're supposed to be jerks, which means you don't Even have to try to be nice."
+House," Okay, maybe I'm biased, let's take a vote. Who thinks that niceness is not a symptom? [Everyone puts up their hand.] And who thinks that their vote counts? [House puts up his hand.] You two [Points to Foreman and Kutner] check out his home for toxins. Taub and Thirty-One..."
+Thirteen, Thirty-One?
+House," Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that either way was good with you. Taub and Thirteen, MRI for tumors and EEG for nerve damage. Test whatEver comes out of him for Everything else."
+Chase," Too much axis tilt. [House turns back to look at him.] Don't release until your thumb's at the bottom of the ball. [Chase gets ready to bowl, he has a glove on one hand.] I assume Wilson was busy."
+House, Again.
+Chase, [Bowls a strike. Turns around and smiles at House.] No axis tilt. [House pops a pill.] With Amber?
+House, Again. [Washes the pill down with some beer.]
+Chase," Still, it was nice of you to invite me, this is fun."
+House," No, it wasn't. No, it isn't. I didn't invite you to be nice, I invited you because bowling isn't one of the two things guys do by themselves."
+Chase, What's the second thing?
+House, Other hand. [Bowls a gutter ball.]
+Chase," Well if people are incapable of being nice, why bother having the word?"
+House," Ah, the ontological proof of niceness. The existence of the word proves the existence of the concept. Look out for those minotaurs on your drive home."
+Chase," I thought motives didn't matter, only results mattered. So what are you going to do to screw up Wilson's relationship so you don't have to listen to me while you bowl?"
+House," I wish the best for them and their tragically deformed Parkldren. [Bowls his second shot but we don't see the result, House doesn't look too pleased though]"
+Chase," Well, she's good... At being bad. You might not be able to destroy her."
+House," Well as long as I give it my best shot, I can hold my head high."
+Chase," Cameron had this one insufferable friend. She wasn't going to get rid of her and I sure wasn't going to join them, so I just said, see her on Thursday's. I know it's not as exciting as an exploding birthday cake, but, hell, I don't want to hang out with her Every night anyway."
+House, That's amazing. Cameron only has one insufferable friend? [Chase bowls another strike. Turns around and House is gone.]
+House, Joint custody.
+Amber, Of Wilson?
+House, Unless we have another love Parkld?
+Amber, [Looks at Wilson] Deal with him.
+House," He needs a mother figure. I'm not saying you're not entitled to spend time with him, I'm just saying I'm entitled too. [Amber looks at Wilson again.]"
+Wilson, I don't know how to deal with him when he's being reasonable.
+Amber," This is reasonable? This is crazy. You're not a Parkld, you can make your own plans."
+Wilson," No, crazy is what House would normally do in this situation... Swap your lubricant with superglue."
+House, The Man knows me.
+Wilson, This is his way of accepting us.
+House, It's actually a very touParkng moment. I'm proposing I get Every other day and Every other weekend.
+Amber," I have yoga Wednesday's, you can have him then. But you have to have him home by 11. [House looks at Wilson who doesn't look up from his paper.] We can swap weekends."
+House," Mondays and Wednesdays, and midnight."
+Amber," If he's not home till midnight, we won't be asleep till almost 2:00."
+House, Wilson? Make a ruling.
+Wilson," [Laughs.] Uh no. You two are like dogs circling each other in the Park. [Looks at Amber.] And I say that with all the love in the world. You need to sniff each other's butts, bare your teeth, and arrive at some strange detente. Otherwise, you'll end up biting each other's eyes out. Again, with all the love in the world."
+House, I'll let you sniff first.
+Amber," Take my deal, or get out of my apartment."
+House," Take my deal, or I move in. [Sits down.]"
+Foreman, [Looking at a photo.] This guy worked for habitat for huManity in Costa Rica.
+Kutner, And coaches handicapped kids. You think we should do a workup on the other coaches?
+Foreman, It is possible he's too perfect.
+Kutner," I'm not saying he's perfect, I'm saying he's trying to be. That's what people do. [Foreman stares at him.] What?"
+Foreman, That's not what people do.
+Kutner," People usually suck, but they want to be good, want to be nice."
+Foreman, House?
+Kutner, [Shrugs.] Exception that proves the rule.
+Foreman, What sort of argument is that?
+Kutner, A bad one.
+Foreman," [Opens up a cupboard.] That might be relevant. [Picks up a bottle.] Hydrofluoric acid. Lowers his calcium, causes the fainting and taste issue."
+Kutner, But not the niceness.
+Foreman, Wouldn't that be nice?
+House," [To Cuddy.] You are King Solomon. If you want us to cut him in half, we're cool with that."
+Amber, My boyfriend's too much of a wuss to make the call for himself... [Turns around to Wilson.] And I mean that with all the love in the world.
+Wilson," I'm gonna piss off one of them, and they both scare me. [Motions for Cuddy to make the call.]"
+Cuddy, [Looks at House and then gets up and takes a file out of the cupboard. Sits back down and starts reading it to House.] Your treatment of Patients is reprehensible. [House rolls his eyes.]
+Wilson, You're reading his perforMance review?
+Cuddy," [Snaps at him] I'm busy. We have a nurses' strike! [Wilson backs off, Cuddy goes back to reading the review.] Your Management of employees borders on abuse."
+Amber, [Turns to Wilson.] Let's go.
+Wilson," [Looks disappointed.] No, I... I want to hear it."
+Cuddy, You are overtly contemptuous of hospital hierarchy.
+House, And covertly. [Cuddy looks at him.] But I suppose you didn't know about that.
+Cuddy," Your attitude towards supervisory personnel is disrespectful, and a disturbingly large proportion of your comments are racist or sexist."
+House, That top makes you look like an Afghani prostitute... Would be an example of that.
+Cuddy, Sign this. [Hands file to House.]
+Kutner," [Comes barging in.] House, I got the..."
+House," It can wait. [To Cuddy,] I will sign, if you will give us a ruling."
+Cuddy," I will give you a ruling, if you do the reviews on your team. [Kutner shuts the door behind him and takes one of Wilson's Parkps.]"
+House, I'd be happy to continue the mockery of this process. [Sign's the review.]
+Cuddy, [To Amber.] What'd you offer him?
+Amber, Wednesday's till 11:00 and alternate weekends.
+Cuddy, [To House.] Wednesday's till 11:00 and alternate weekends.
+House, Yes. Wednesday nights are ladies' nights at Cheetah's.
+Kutner, Calcium's normal.
+House, Wow. It really could wait.
+Kutner, Everything's normal.
+House, And you thought it wouldn't be.
+Kutner," He's a carpet cleaner, he's got a home full of hydrofluoric acid."
+House, Doesn't mean his calcium should be low.
+Kutner," Yeah, actually it kinda does, HF causes lower lEvels of..."
+House," LowER, not low."
+Kutner, Lower than normal.
+House," Lower than yesterday. Yesterday might have been high, what's lower than high?"
+Kutner," He actually has hypercalcemia, which is being lowered to normal by the HF."
+House," So what gives us elevated calcium, bad taste, and fainting?"
+Kutner, I take it you know?
+House, Get the team. This is going to be fun. [House walks off.]
+House," Hello, again. These people think you are not too nice."
+Jeff, Too nice? For what?
+House, For life as we know it to have evolved without an intelligent designer. I'm going to prove them wrong. Your wife... is very ugly.
+Deb, [Stands up.] Get out of here.
+Jeff, Deb. He's obviously trying to prove a point.
+House, I think I just did. You're either perfect or you're sick. In my experience sick is much more common.
+Deb," He's not sick, he's nice."
+House," Nice in the sense that your toaster is nice for making you breakfast. It's the only thing his wiring will let him do. [To Taub, Kutner and Thirteen.] He has William's syndrome. [Back to Deb.] Your husband is missing the genes that make him suspicious."
+Deb," You're wrong, he's!"
+House," Relax, there's no cure. He's going to go right on tasting lemon meringue pie, fainting, and being a sap."
+Taub, What about the other symptoms?
+House, He has no other symptoms.
+Taub, But William's does.
+House," He's got the teeth, glasses."
+Taub, William's cuts IQ by 20...
+House, He doesn't work in the physics department. Except when they spill a black hole on their carpet.
+Thirteen, Elfin appearance?
+House," Yeah, he's more legolas than Keebler, but I bet you he can still crack off a batch of Pecan Sandies."
+Kutner, Perfect pitch?
+House," [To Jeff.] You love to karaoke, right?"
+Jeff, [Laughs.] I suck.
+House," Modest, another symptom..."
+Deb," No, he really does suck."
+House, Give us a warble. You know any Cher?
+Jeff," No, but I know bread. [Looks at Deb, starts to sing, badly.] Baby I'm a want you, baby I'm a need you, you're the only one I care enough to heard about... [Trails off, suddenly he can't seem to form the words anymore.]"
+Deb, What's the matter?
+Thirteen," He's stroking. [Taub, Kutner, and Thirteen all rush over, put the bed down, flashlight in the eyes, the usual medical stuff.]"
+House, Not a moment too soon.
+Taub, You were wrong.
+House," Why do people say that with such pleasure? It's very hurtful, you know?"
+Thirteen, It means the Patient gets to keep being nice. Why does that offend you?
+House," It's the way he said it. He wasn't reliEved, he was excited. [Very happily.] He was also wrong, and I say that with no sense of pleasure."
+Kutner," Patient tested negative for William's, which means the stroke and Everything else wasn't caused by..."
+House," You. [Points at Kutner.] Have a friendly demeanor, but you sometimes get too involved. You relate well to your peers and Patients and you complete tasks in a timely Manner. [Grabs a piece of paper and puts it in front of Kutner.] Please sign."
+Foreman, What the hell was that?
+House," I have to give each of you perforMance reviews. [Kutner looks at the paper, still a little shocked.] Plenty of other conditions can cause Debilitating niceness."
+Foreman, How is that supposed to help him?
+House," I don't know. How's it supposed to help Wilson? [To Kutner.] Cross out Wilson's name and the date, and then fill in your own..."
+Foreman, The point of a review is to give feedback to help...
+House, I'm thinking neurosyphilis. Wouldn't show up on the MRI without contrast. [Looks at Kutner.]
+Kutner," [Looks up from the review he has just been given.] I'll go run the tests. [Taub, Kutner and Thirteen all leave.]"
+Foreman," He doesn't think it's syphilis, but he's going to go run those tests anyway."
+House, Because he doesn't know. That's why we do tests.
+Foreman," Because he's a wimp, because he's afraid of you."
+House, You want me to intimidate him into not being afraid? Not sure I know how to do that.
+Foreman," Reviews make a difference. People have to listen, so they have to learn."
+House, I don't think that the right time to tell the dog not to pee on the rug is semi-annually.
+Foreman, You don't want to do the paperwork.
+House, I am concerned about the rainforest.
+Foreman, [Sighs.] I'll do it.
+House, I know. [Walks to his office.]
+Jeff, I don't have syphilis.
+Kutner, You don't know.
+Jeff, How Many ways are there to get it?
+Kutner, You can know who you had sex with. You can't know who she...
+Jeff, I do.
+Kutner, Not for sure.
+Jeff," It's a waste of time. I had a stroke, you can't keep wasting time. We were tested for the Peace Corps."
+Kutner, Ten years ago. You haven't been with your wife Every minute of Every day.
+Jeff," You think I'm naive, don't you?"
+Kutner, I think you're... Yeah.
+Jeff, I know my wife.
+Kutner, She's not perfect.
+Jeff," [Laughs.] I'm not perfect. But she loves me, and she's always loved me. Every minute, Every day."
+House, [Gets up to open the door.] You're 15 minutes late! [House opens the door and its some Guy in a suit standing there.]
+GUY, Have you heard the good news?
+House, [Looks confused.] Miley Cyrus is playing a third night at the spectrum?
+GUY," [Holds up a book.] Happiness is possible. [Amber and Wilson arrive.] And not just in this life, but in the next..."
+House," Oh, you're selling religion. I'm sorry, I bought some Islam yesterday. [Lets Amber and Wilson in.]"
+GUY," Well, it's where your light shows signs before mending... [House shuts the door in his face.] Have a good Evening."
+House, You're late.
+Amber, 15 minutes.
+House," 16 minutes, MY 16 minutes."
+Amber, So keep him an extra 16 minutes.
+House, [To Wilson.] You hear that? She doesn't care.
+Amber," You're going mini golfing, what's it matter? You got a tee off time?"
+House, It matters because you don't get to decide what matters.
+Wilson," It was my fault, I had to take a shower."
+Amber, Which was my fault.
+House, [Rolls his eyes.] I had to take a dump. Anything else I don't need to know before you leave? [Opens the door.]
+Amber," [Kisses Wilson good bye.] Have fun on your play date. [As she's leaving.] You've got mummy's numbers, right?"
+House," [Shuts the door and looks at Wilson.] Daddy needs a drink. [Walks off to get one, Wilson laughs.]"
+Thirteen," I was thinking, if we discount the niceness issue..."
+Foreman, Sit down.
+Thirteen, [Sits down.] I think it's a heart defect.
+Foreman, Nothing on the echo.
+Thirteen," Could be a Patent Foramen Ovale. It explains the stroke, and the syncope, and a PFO wouldn't show up on a routine echo. I'm gonna do a bubble test. [Gets up to leave.]"
+Foreman, You got a minute first?
+Thirteen, [Sits back down.] Sure.
+Foreman, I think you've shown remarkable strength in a difficult situation. [Opens a file.]
+Thirteen, Are you giving me a perforMance review?
+Foreman, A good one.
+Thirteen, I'm gonna do a bubble test. [Starts to leave as Kutner walks in but stays to hear what he has to say.]
+Kutner, There was enough blood left over from his admission work up to run the VDRL.
+Foreman, You doubted your Patient.
+Kutner," No, what I thought didn't matter. House said he wouldn't let us go on until we ruled out neurosyphilis."
+Foreman," It's not neurosyphilis, it's a PFO."
+Kutner, It's neurosyphilis. The tests were positive.
+Taub," It's always the same conversation. They tell you, you must be mistaken, which is why I always run the tests twice, and then they blame the other guy. Which makes sense if they're innocent, but obviously, half of them aren't. They don't seem to get that they're busted. Scientifically proven."
+Thirteen, Unless your spouse cheated too.
+Taub," Exactly. That's what you're praying for in that moment. That she cheated too. And then if she doesn't kill you, you know that she did, you know she betrayed you. And then, you realise that that sucks worse."
+Jeff, The test must be wrong.
+Kutner, I ran it twice.
+Jeff," Not that test, the one I took ten years ago. [Looks at Deb, then back at Kutner.] What other explanation is there?"
+Deb, He really sees no other possibility.
+Kutner, Did you have an affair?
+Deb, No.
+Kutner, Then why aren't you angry with him?
+Deb, You Ever know anybody who's just too nice?
+Kutner, No.
+Deb," It's annoying. Then you realise it's annoying because they remind you of what you are not. That you'll nEver be as good as they are. And then you think, why can't I? And before you know it, that naive idiot you laughed at has made you a better person. [Holding back tears.] You really think I've been in love all these years with a symptom?"
+Kutner," If syphilis caused lesions in his brain, and the lesions caused personality changes, you may notice a change in him as his condition improves."
+Deb, I know my husband. He's not going to change.
+Kutner, You should get yourself tested. [Leaves.]
+Kutner," So much for the bell curve. How can House be an ass without it being an illness, but niceness is a biological crime?"
+Taub, You got five bucks?
+Kutner," Uh, yeah. [Hands him five bucks.]"
+Taub, [Putting it in his pocket.] Niceness just cost you five bucks. Being an ass generally turns a profit.
+Foreman," [Laughs.] Kutner, could you excuse us? I need to do Taub's review."
+Taub, You can stay.
+Foreman, I think it would be better if this was done privately.
+Taub, This isn't going to be done.
+Foreman, What is it with you guys? I've given you advice before.
+Taub, Not as our boss.
+Foreman, What's the difference? Advice is advice.
+Taub," Fair enough, I'll go first. [Clears his throat, pretends to read off a sheet of paper.] You demonstrate a great air of confidence, which is really pissing me off."
+Foreman, House authorized me...
+Taub, How long have you known him? He's using you.
+Foreman, I volunteered because I knew he wouldn't...
+Taub," He could care less about the paperwork. He's using you to screw with you. He knows it'll annoy us, we'll stand up to you, which will force you to confront the fact that Even though you think you're our superior, you're no different from us. He gave you authority to keep you in your place."
+Kutner, It's true.
+Foreman, Thanks.
+Kutner," Not him, what'd he say?"
+Taub," Nothing, what's true?"
+Kutner," If there's something wrong with this guy, it means there's something wrong with House. [Leaves.]"
+Wilson," [Slurring somewhat.] Are you trying to get me drunk? [House smiles, Wilson laughs.] What time is it?"
+House, 10:30.
+Wilson, Ooh... She'll kill you.
+House, I'll get you home before lights out. [Pushes the drink closer to Wilson who takes it.]
+Wilson," Great, then she'll kill me. If I get, if I get any more drunk, then I'm... It... Might not work. If you, uh, know what I mean."
+House, Really? You'd think that one or more of your ex wives would have mentioned that to me.
+Wilson," [Shocked.] They told you? Wait, why do you want to get Amber angry?"
+House, Because I'm your friend.
+Wilson," No, no, no. You said you approved, you said you were taking the high road. For how long, the first exit? [House's phone rings.]"
+House," [Answers.] Hello, and thank you for saving me from being righteoused to death. [Gets up and walks away from Wilson.]"
+Thirteen, Patient's vomiting blood.
+Taub, Hematemesis could indiCate...
+House, Don't put it on the board. [Taub stops writing.]
+Taub, You don't think it's a symptom?
+House," I think it's my marker. [Taub rubs what he had written off the board.] He has syph, and what?"
+Taub," And syph, it can cause hematemesis."
+House, Not Everyone agrees.
+Taub, [Looks surprised.] How... How could you...
+House," If you all thought it was syph, you wouldn't have woken me up in the middle of the night."
+Thirteen," If it was just syph, he wouldn't be getting worse, he's already on penicillin."
+Kutner," The bleeding's pRobably from liver damage, pRobably caused by ethanol in the cleansers or the penicillin."
+House, Two more pRobablys than I like to hear.
+Thirteen, Liver tests and serologies are going to take a full day.
+House," Full night, actually. Guy might not make it to brunch. [House hangs up the phone and walks back over to Wilson.] Yes, I knew about your issue with alcohol. Yes, I intentionally got you drunk to provoke an argument between you and Amber. Why I would do such a thing is an interesting question. What's more interesting is that you knew as much as I did and you're the one who's pouring down the drinks. Why?"
+Wilson, Because I thought I was out having fun with a friend. I didn't know the drinks had subtext. I got to get home. [Puts some money on the bar and leaves.]
+Thirteen," GGT's normal, rules out alcohol."
+Taub, How about serum protein?
+Kutner, It's positive.
+Taub, Kind of assumed he HAD protein. It's how much protein he has we care about.
+Kutner, It's positive for syphilis.
+Taub, [Sighs.] You mind if I give you a perforMance review?
+Kutner, Not the Patient. House. He has syphilis.
+FEMALE SOAP CHARACTER, What happened?
+MALE SOAP CHARACTER, Every time I searched my soul... I found Anna.
+FEMALE SOAP CHARACTER, Are you going to tell Marie?
+MALE SOAP CHARACTER, I have to.
+FEMALE SOAP CHARACTER," It will destroy her. [Foreman, Taub, Kutner and Thirteen all walk into the office.]"
+MALE SOAP CHARACTER, Could it be any worse on her than loving somebody who can't love them back?
+House, [Looks at them.] Yes?
+Kutner, You might want to turn off the TV.
+House, I'm multi-tasking. Also doing my taxes. And Cuddy. What'd you find out?
+Taub," The Patient has hepatitis. [Kutner, Thirteen and Foreman stare at him.]"
+House, I assume from your omission of the word 'viral' before the hep that it's not another STD. Put him on steroids and test him for sarcoid before the liver failure becomes liver failed.
+Thirteen, [To Taub.] We're all doing this.
+House, There's more?
+Foreman, You have syphilis. [House looks surprised.]
+House," [Turns off the TV and turns to face them.] No, I don't."
+Kutner, One of us found a vial of your blood in the lab...
+House, Which one of you?
+Foreman, It's treatable.
+Thirteen, We filled a prescription. [Puts a bottle of pills on Houses desk. House just stares at them.]
+Kutner," You okay? [House doesn't say anything, just kind of nods, they all leave.]"
+Cameron, So this is why he is who he is?
+Taub, We don't know.
+Foreman, We know. It's not just a coincidence.
+Thirteen, Wilson says he's always been a jerk.
+Taub, But he got worse.
+Cameron, After his leg.
+Foreman, The leg was a coincidence.
+Chase, [To Cameron.] Did you sleep with him? [Cameron just stares back at Chase and there's an awkward silence for a few seconds.]
+Thirteen, So what's going to happen? What's going to change?
+Kutner, Maybe he'll be less of a jerk.
+Cameron, Or less of a doctor.
+Kutner, You got to be a jerk to be a good doctor?
+Cameron," I don't know, maybe House does."
+Chase, [To Cameron.] Why aren't you answering me?
+Cameron, Because it's none of their business. It's none of your business.
+Chase, I think the STD makes it my business.
+Cameron, HuMans are compliCated.
+Foreman, HuMans are simple.
+Cameron," A million different things make us who we are, you change one, you change Everything. If Mozart was better adjusted, decides to play catch one day, maybe there's no magic flute."
+Chase," You did, didn't you?"
+House, There's something I need to tell you.
+Amber, You returned him drunk. [House turns around startled and sees Amber sitting on a chair behind him.]
+House, On time.
+Amber, Drunk.
+House, On time. No tag backs.
+Amber, The purpose of the time was to give me time.
+House, So you didn't have sex?
+Amber, I like sex.
+House, Well you can have it tonight. The L Word is on.
+Amber," You don't get to decide what matters. Either you're genuinely afraid I'm going to make him miserable, or you're afraid I'm going to make him happy, or you simply can't stop screwing with anything that moves. It doesn't really matter, because whatEver the reason, you'll only get worse. Until either I stop seeing Wilson, or I stop you. [Stands up.] What do you think I'm going to choose?"
+House," If you terminate the agreement, it's not going to bring peace in the mideast."
+Amber, I'm not terminating the agreement. I'm amending the agreement. I'm adding penalty clauses.
+House, Fine. WhoEver violates it gets their finger cut off.
+Amber, I'm serious.
+House," So am I. You want people to drive safer, take out the airbags and attach a machete pointing at their neck. No one will drive over three miles per hour."
+Amber, I'm not cutting...
+House," We'll figure it out. On your time. [House opens the door. Amber sighs, kisses Wilson goodbye and leaves. House shuts the door again and turns back to Wilson.] You know she's certifiable right? I've got the forms in my desk."
+Wilson, Where is she wrong? [House hangs he's head.] What were you going to tell me?
+House, Nothing.
+Wilson, You're punishing me?
+House, I needed to tell you something... privately.
+Wilson, I'm not going to tell her.
+House," You'll tell her. She's your girlfriend, you should tell her."
+Wilson, You're my friend.
+House, It's not the same. [Opens the door and starts to leave.]
+Wilson, Don't sulk.
+House, Where am I wrong? [Shuts the door behind himself.]
+Foreman," Your Management style is counterproductive. You gave me authority over the team, just so they could undercut..."
+House, Critiquing the clap addled? That's sort of tasteless.
+Foreman, I didn't feel like waiting until your genitals cleared up. You need to formalise my authority over the team.
+House," No, I don't."
+Foreman, You don't think I'm qualified?
+House, Compared to those three?
+Foreman, You want to punish Cuddy for hiring me without...
+House, I like Cuddy. I like parts of her.
+Foreman, You want to crush the team by crushing me?
+House," I want to empower them. Those three idiots need to respect you. They should respect you, they should be afraid of you, so I have to humiliate you, because if the team fears you, they won't question you. If they don't question you, they won't get any answers, if they don't get any answers, they're useless."
+Foreman, Mocking me saves lives?
+House," The hospital will pRobably build you a statue one day. You know, with a 'kick me' sign on the back. So when you think about it, the more I mock you, the more it shows I have respect for you."
+Foreman, Or you made up that BS because you like humiliating me.
+House, Wouldn't rule that out completely.
+Taub, You busy?
+House," Almost done. [To Foreman.] Uh, so just remember, the rabbit goes around the tree and jumps down the hole. [Ties his shoelaces up.]"
+Taub, Negative for sarcoidosis.
+House," Run him for Everything you can think of. Lepto, sParksto, hemo, and the fourth Marx brother nobody Ever heard of."
+Jeff, You bitch!
+Deb," [Startled.] I just went to get us some lunch, you were asleep."
+Jeff, [Still angry.] You moved my book.
+Deb," Jeff, calm down. It's just the drugs."
+Jeff, The drugs didn't move my book... [Clutches his chest.]
+Deb," Jeff? [Runs over and starts performing CPR. Yells out to no one in particular.] My husband's having a heart attack. Can somebody help me please? [No one responds so she yells louder.] Somebody help me, please! [Eventually Taub notices and goes running in to help.]"
+Kutner, She saved his life.
+House," Or she scabbed. Depends on your point of view. So what do we think? New symptom? Or just a wife beater? [To Kutner] Hey, time for you to take this baby for a spin. [Throws the whiteboard marker to him, Kutner gets up looking pleased with himself. House takes his seat and moves it closer to Thirteen.]"
+Kutner," [Starts writing on the board.] We, uh, loaded him full of prednisone to try to fix the liver."
+House," Good news is, he's running out of organs to fail."
+Kutner," Prednisone could cause Roid rage, which could cause hypertension, which results..."
+Taub, Roid rage after six hours?
+House," At that rate, by sundown, he'll have eaten most of us."
+Taub," [Half laughs.] Uh, it still could be penicillin, allergic reaction."
+Thirteen, How does a fried liver put him into a rage?
+Taub," It's not frying his liver, it's frying his syphilis. The penicillin's working, the real Patient is emerging."
+House, So... syphilis prEvents domestic violence. I'm going to be Even more attractive to the ladies.
+Thirteen, I was going to test for a heart issue before the syphilis. PFO could explain the heart attack and reduced blood flow to the brain could explain the rage.
+House," Well, they're all good ideas. [Foreman raises an eyebrow.] Okay, let's take a vote. How Many think it's the roids talking? [Taub sticks up his hand.] And who's for the penicillin? [Kutner] And how about whatEver she said? [Thirteen. House looks at Foreman.] Someone hasn't raised their hand."
+Foreman, [Suspicious.] WhatEver I decide? [House nods.] You're setting me up.
+House, [Laughs.] Why would I do that?
+Foreman, [Shrugs.] PFO.
+House, The PFO's have it. [Everyone gives House a weird look.] I just hope the bubble test is positive or it's no more Mr. Nice Guy. [Everyone stares at House for a few more seconds before leaving.]
+Kutner, We gave Van Gogh chelation therapy. Turned him into a House painter.
+Taub," Maybe not, maybe we just put Hitler on Ritalin."
+Cameron, Are you comparing House to Hitler?
+Chase, Oh god.
+Cameron, Just because I don't think he's Hitler doesn't mean I slept with him. I don't sleep with Everyone who's better than Hitler.
+Foreman," Maybe Taub is right, maybe this is good."
+Thirteen, This is not good.
+Foreman," Well, he respected our opinions, he mocked himself, he was civil, he shared."
+Thirteen, He didn't care.
+Foreman, He nEver cares.
+Thirteen," He didn't vote. He always cared about one thing, solving the puzzle but he was irrelevant to that diagnosis. He had no opinion of his own. He now cares about nothing."
+Chase," You had no choice, you had to treat him. What's done is done. [Leaves.]"
+House," You know that thing I was going to tell you, I've got to tell you. I've got to tell someone. You have to swear not to tell CB."
+Wilson, [Shrugs.] WhatEver.
+House," Well, that's not swearing, that's shrugging. It's actually the opposite of swearing."
+Wilson, I won't tell Amber.
+House, My team thinks that I have syphilis.
+Wilson, [Surprised.] Do you?
+House, Not yet.
+Wilson, Why do they think you do?
+House," Because I knew that they had access to an old blood sample, and I knew they'd test it sometime for something."
+Wilson, Why would you swap your blood? What are you afraid they'll find?
+House," [Rolls his eyes.] Shut up, you're missing the point. Now, they think that I'm on penicillin."
+Wilson, [Looks confused.] Is this some clEver practical joke that I'm not aware of?
+House," And as I get better, I get nicer."
+Wilson," [Suddenly getting it, laughs.] That's brilliant. [House smiles.]"
+House," Foreman thinks I actually value his opinion. [Wilson laughs more.] Thank god he said PFO, or I'd have had to do some dancing. You got time for bowling? [Wilson doesn't say anything.] Come on, it's work hours."
+Wilson, I'll get my shoes. [Turns to walk away but stops.] So we don't need to talk about...
+House, No.
+Wilson, So you're going to keep screwing...
+House," Yeah, and you're going to keep talking about it. We are who we are."
+Wilson, [Sighs.] I'll get my shoes.
+Kutner," Okay, got a good view of the heart."
+Taub," What if we lower House's dosage? Maybe stabilise him, he doesn't get worse, he doesn't get better."
+Kutner," Quite the line to walk, if we're wrong he dies of neurosyphilis."
+Taub," If we don't, other people die."
+Kutner, Other people who aren't our boss.
+Taub, People.
+Kutner," This sucks, the guy had a gift. I'd kill... [Amber walks in.] Hi, what..."
+Amber," House doesn't have syphilis, he switched the blood samples."
+Taub, How do you know that?
+Amber," House told Wilson, I wanted to ruin House's day. See ya. [Leaves.]"
+Taub, We're idiots.
+Kutner," We're not idiots, positive blood test means positive blood test."
+Taub," Apparently not. [Looks at the screen.] There they are, let's see if they... [Kutner walks off.] Uh, what are you doing? We're not done."
+Kutner, He doesn't have syphilis. [Continues leaving.]
+Taub, [To himself.] I know.
+Kutner," Patient tested positive for syphilis, right?"
+House, Is this some sort of recap?
+Kutner, But why did he test positive for syphilis?
+House, Oh! Uh... I know this.
+Kutner," Either one, he has syphilis..."
+House, I was going to say that.
+Kutner," Or two, the test was wrong twice, or three, he gave us someone else's blood. [House stops.]"
+House, Who?
+Kutner, [Smiling.] Amber.
+House, Get that idiotic smile out of my face. I've got to go on a killing spree.
+Kutner," Or, four, he has something that tests positive for syphilis."
+House, [Sighs.] It's not chagas.
+Kutner, He worked in Costa Rica before he was married.
+House," Is two a spree, or do I have to kill you too? Chagas wouldn't explain the niceness."
+Kutner," I've heard of remote tribes that actually practice acts of kindness, or the chagas caused encephalitis."
+House, The MRI showed no signs...
+Kutner," Until we started him on steroids, compromised the immune system and let the infection flare up. I did another one. [Shows House.] It's not much."
+House, [Looks at it.] It's plenty. You figured this out because I don't have syphilis? [Kutner shrugs.] Damn. That should have been my epiphany.
+House," Good news, bad news. Good news is we know what you have, it's treatable, you're going to live. [Both Deb and Jeff smile.]"
+Jeff, Really?
+Deb, What's the bad news?
+House, The cure is a grueling course of pills. It's like one a day for a month.
+Jeff, Now you're just trying to make me laugh.
+House," Yeah, like that's a challenge."
+Kutner," You have chagas disease. It's a parasite, it's been asymptomatic for ten years."
+House," Well not quite. Your brain's been swollen, not enough to see but enough to alter your personality."
+Deb, Now we're back to that.
+House," He screamed at you, you don't think he can change?"
+Deb, That was because of the drugs.
+House, So you think drugs are more powerful than parasites? [Realises that's exactly what they are about to give him.] I mean... The ones we're going to give you to treat the parasites obviously are but... I stand by the principle.
+Deb, [Looks at Jeff then back at House.] I'm not worried.
+Kutner, [Smiles.] Neither am I.
+House," [Shrugs.] Neither am I, but that's because I don't care."
+Cuddy, [Opening it.] Reviews?
+House," It was brought to my attention that on occasion, I am not respectful of hospital hierarchy. [Sticks a lollypop in his mouth.]"
+Cuddy," The word was ""contemptuous."" [Reads over the first review.] Well phrased, thoughtful. [Flips to next page.] Identically phrased. [Keeps flicking through.] These are all the same."
+House," Because, underneath it all, we are all the same. And Foreman refused to type his up."
+Cuddy," [Puts the file down.] Well, it's more than I expected."
+House, There's an extra one in there.
+Cuddy," [Picks it up again and finds the extra one, starts to read it.] Your treatment of Patients is non-existent because you're not a doctor, you're an administrator."
+House, Foreman convinced me that these can be helpful.
+Cuddy," [Continues reading.] Your Management of employees is, well, let's face it, they're outside carrying signs. [Stops reading and puts it down.] The strike ended, the nurses have been back for two shifts already."
+House," You'd think I'd have noticed. What exactly did they do around here? [House picks up the review and continues from where Cuddy left off.] You act like employees should fear and respect you, but your eyes tell us... [Looks up at Cuddy.] Actually your eyes tell us nothing because we're looking at your boobs. [Goes back to reading.] Which tell us that you're desperate to have someone jump on you and tell you they love you one grunted syllable at a time. What you want, you run away from. What you need, you don't have a clue. What you've accomplished makes you proud, but you're still miserable. [Hands it to her.] Please sign."
+Cuddy, [Smiles.] I got a call from Amber today. Says there's been a violation of your contract. You've been seeing Wilson on her time.
+House," She breached confidentiality. You can let it slide, Officer. We're Even."
+Cuddy," Yes, you are. You're both losing fingers."
+Deb, Look what I found. [Shows him a small jar of ketchup.]
+Jeff, Nice.
+Deb, They think you might be able to come home tomorrow.
+Jeff," Oh, yeah? That's good. [Takes a bite of food and makes a weird face.]"
+Deb, What's the matter?
+Jeff, The ketchup. There's something wrong with that.
+Deb, [Dips her finger in it and tastes it.] Tastes fine. Is anything else?
+Jeff, Everything else is great. I just... I don't know. I guess I don't like ketchup anymore. Wonder what else I don't like. [Deb looks worried while Jeff continues to eat.]
+House, Roll over. [Patient rolls over with some help from Amber.]
+Amber, We need a tougher punishment.
+House, Want to come over to the poopy side? Where are you two going Friday night?
+Amber, Dinner at L'auberge.
+House, [Stares at her.] You're lying.
+Amber, [Smiles.] Of course I am.
+Marie, Brock? What are you doing?
+Brock, Getting ready for surgery. What's it look like?
+Marie, You're operating on my sister.
+Brock, And my fianc�.
+Marie, You're drunk. You could kill her.
+Brock, It's the only way to stop my hands from shaking. I need to drink. For Anna.
+Marie, What about! our baby.
+Brock, Our! baby?
+Marie," Oh, my God! Are you okay? [there is blood on ""Brock's""� mouth] Brock, speak to me. Oh, my God. Um. I, I, I, I think he's really hurt."
+Director, Cut.
+Technician," [voice over] Uh, we can edit that word out!"
+Marie," Uh, that was scary. I thought there for a second you were really ""�"
+Evan, Then you gotta be the only one in the world who did. [standing] This is ridiculous.
+Director," It was great, Evan."
+Evan, No it wasn't. It was crap.
+Director, The fans are gonna love it.
+Evan, The fans are crap. I'm crap. This whole damn show is crap! Sorry. Not your fault.
+Evan," Um. Where are you going? My apartment's on the West Side. [to the back of the driver's head] Excuse me. You need to go the other way. Hey, did you hear what I said? [as he reaches for the car door, the lock drops down] What the hell is going on here? What do you want?"
+House, [driving the car] An autographed picture would be nice. Oh! And I'm also gonna save your life.
+Conway," You might want to think about repositioning the crosswalk. It's technically not a violation, but the closer they are to the entrance, the more likely they are to be used."
+Cuddy, Makes sense. I actually wasn't expecting you until next month...
+Conway," That's the pRoblem with planned visits ""� administrators plan for them. [Cuddy chuckles slightly] The most recent New Jersey hospital accreditation requirements"
+Cuddy," Yeah. I'm familiar with ""�"
+Conway, Who was that?
+Cuddy, I have no idea. Shall we get started?
+Evan, Just let me go. I won't press charges. Forget the whole thing.
+House," That's pRobably true, seeing as how you have a brain tumor."
+Evan, You're that nut-job doctor that keeps calling my publicist.
+House," Actually, I'm the nut-job head of diagnostic medicine."
+Evan," I run Every day. I don't get headaches. I'm fine. So, if you don't mind!"
+House," Actually, I do mind. I don't care if you die. But if Brock Sterling dies, Anna nEver finds out he's the father of Marie's baby."
+Evan, [yells] Help!
+House," [stands, echoing Evan] Help! We're gonna need a wheelchair! here. [he ducks his head back into the car] Look, in the last month your average line reading has slowed from 2.1 seconds to 2.9. You're pausing more. Always at the same intervals ""� Every sEven to nine words. Which means you're having trouble reading one side of the teleprompter. Which means a peripheral vision pRoblem. Which means a tumor in your occipital lobe. Just one test. If there's nothing wrong, I'll take you right back home."
+Evan, [getting out of the car] Make it cab fare. I don't want you anywhere near my House.
+House," [tossing the keys to a passing employee] Uh, just put it in my spot."
+Cuddy," The accreditation board is here to protect us and our Patients. So, in dealing with the on-site inspector, please behave as though it wasn't also an enormous pain in the ass. [The doctors start leaving] Chase, Foreman, Cameron ""� up here, please. Why is House driving a limo."
+Foreman, Don't know.
+Cameron, Don't have to know.
+Chase, Don't! care?
+Cuddy," Wrong. Until this inspection is over, you're back on House watch. [points to Foreman, then Cameron] Current case, past cases."
+Foreman, He doesn't have a current case.
+Cameron, I have a whole department.
+Chase, Are you gonna fire us if we don't?
+Cuddy," I was just ""� asking for your help. [Chase is out the door before she finishes. To Cameron] The last time I checked the ER, you had the best-kept charts in the building. The last time I checked the fourth floor janitor's closet, I found House's charts. He hasn't filed anything since you left. Now, House may not care whether this hospital's accreditation gets downgraded, but the people who sign my paychecks do. So, I repeat, current, past."
+Foreman, He doesn't have a current case.
+Cuddy, Did he tell you about the limo?
+Evan, So I just press this button Every time I see a light?
+House," It tells me where your blind spots are. So! the twins They're gonna turn out to be yours, aren't they."
+Evan, I told you. I can't talk about that stuff.
+House," But you want to be done with this, right?"
+Evan," [sighs] One's mine, one's Julio's."
+House, I knew it. [pumps his fist] Julio knocked her up before her appendix burst. You got her after.
+Evan, How can you watch that stuff?
+House, 'Cause it's awesome.
+Evan, It's preposterous. Not one real moment since I've been on the show.
+House," As opposed to shows that represent the world exactly the way it is, like! I can't think of any."
+Foreman, [enters] What's going on?
+House," Hospital is being inspected and Cuddy dispatched you to keep an eye on me. [pause] I just Parked a town car in an ambulance bay and, instead of ripping me one, Cuddy acted like she didn't know me. It's either an inspection or an aneurysm."
+Evan, What's the test say?
+House," As I suspected, you have significant losses in the upper right quadrant of your visual field."
+Evan, Are you serious?
+House," No, it's a joke. Two guys go into a bar and one has significant losses in the upper right quadrant of his visual field. And the other one says, 'You're gonna need an MRI to confirm the type and location of the tumor.'"
+Foreman, That readout says his vision's fine.
+House," No, it doesn't."
+Foreman," Yes, it does."
+Evan, You lied to me?
+House, I kidnapped you. You're surprised that I lied to you? [Evan jumps out of the chair and grabs his jacket] It just means that the symptoms are intermittent.
+Evan," You come near me again, I'm calling the police."
+Foreman, You kidnapped him?
+House, It's sweet that I haven't lost the ability to surprise you.
+House, Are you mocking me?
+Wilson, My back. My back is killing me.
+House, Don't care. Busy.
+Wilson, Amber's damn mattress.
+House," Well that sucks. Don't buy a new one. [He takes a syringe from a drawer, locks the cart, grabs his cane and turns to leave. Wilson follows]"
+Wilson, Are you being sarcastic? Because we are buying one.
+House, She's incapable of doing anything that matters without turning it into a zero-sum game.
+Wilson, We're buying a mattress for us.
+House," Wow. I'm faster than you right now. [He uses his cane to push open an elevator door before it shuts. Evan is in the elevator. He turns away from House and pulls out his phone.] It's all about her and whatEver hapless salesMan wanders into her sights. She's gonna lie, steal and trade your testes to get whatEver she wants. Hold on. I just gotta do something before he dials the second '1.' [He uncaps the syringe and injects Evan in the back of the neck.] You're going to end up humiliated, [Evan drops to the floor] holding her purse and going home to sleep on a new mattress you hate."
+Wilson, What the hell are you doing?
+House, He needs an MRI.
+House, Give me one millimeter slices from the cortex down.
+Thirteen, Any particular reason you decided to sedate a Patient for a procedure that's completely painless?
+House, [trying on Evan's sunglasses] Guy has a history of violent outbursts during surgical procedures.
+Taub," Yeah, on TV. It's Evan Greer. He's the main stud on House's soap. Frontal cortex looks clean. No tumors."
+House, Increase the magnification on the occipital lobe. You watch because you like or because I like?
+Taub," I was unemployed. I ""�"
+House," Bzzt. Sorry. That's not an answer, that's an apology. If we're Ever to come out of the darkness, we have to be proud ""�"
+Thirteen," Occipital, frontal and temporal lobes are clean. So's the optic nerve. Definitely no tumors."
+House, He's fine?
+Thirteen, And awake.
+Taub," Uh, what should we tell him?"
+House, See if you can talk him out of suing me.
+Evan, He kidnapped me. He drugged me.
+Taub, Perhaps you should go out the back way.
+Evan, I'm not going anywhere you people tell me to go.
+Taub," It's just, someone of your fame, uh! I figured fans!"
+Evan, You're trying to hide me. You don't want me making a scene.
+Thirteen, The hospital's being inspected today.
+Evan, And you want me doing you a favor?
+Thirteen, Not us! Our Dean of Medicine. And House hates her. You'd be doing House a favor by complaining.
+Evan, Oh.
+Evan," This hospital is staffed with lunatics and criminals. Excuse me, where's Dr. Cuddy? [He falls down] It's my foot. What did he do to me?"
+Cuddy, What did House do?
+Thirteen, Nothing. I was with him the whole time.
+Evan, It's numb. I can't feel it. [Taub and Thirteen help him up. He takes a step and falls again] I can't walk.
+Thirteen, Foot numbness has a huge differential.
+House, It gets a lot narrower when you add in peripheral vision pRoblems.
+Foreman, Which gets a lot wider when there's no proof he Ever had a vision pRoblem.
+Kutner," So, House was wrong about the first symptom, but the guy just happened to dEvelop a second, unrelated symptom a few hours later?"
+Taub, He already kidnapped and sedated a guy against his will. Makes sense he'd also do something to numb his foot so he couldn't leave.
+House, But it doesn't make sense to include the symptom that he caused in a differential he's so desperate to solve.
+Cameron, Unless he didn't mean to cause it.
+House," Stick to the filing, sweetheart. Let the doctors do the doctoring. Either toxins or a vitamin deficiency ""�"
+Cameron," I'm guessing when you drugged him, you didn't catch him and ease him to the floor. He could have pinched a nerve in his ankle when he fell. You need to run an EMG test for motor nerve entrapment or the inspector will own your ass."
+House," Kutner, leave the room. Wait thirty minutes, come back and tell her the test was negative."
+Kutner, Is it okay if I use that time to do the test?
+House, Get out of here.
+Cameron, [emptying a plastic bag of papers on the desk] The rest of them can help me with all this stuff.
+House, They're busy. Which is really annoying because I wanted to be able to say they're busy for no other reason than to screw with you. [he picks a tape out of a plastic carton he just dropped on the table and shows it to her] Research.
+Evan, So the nutjob was right?
+Kutner, Usually is.
+Evan, He said I was dying.
+Kutner," He's wrong a lot, too. That's why we do these tests. I bet it's cool, you know, being the star of a hit TV show."
+Evan, It's a daytime soap. It pretty much puts me one step above dinner theater.
+Kutner, Come on. You're on TV Every day. And who cares what the critics think. Women love soaps.
+Evan, You get to take pride in your job. Feel good when you go home at night.
+Kutner, You're entertaining people.
+Evan, I don't care.
+Kutner, Then you've made a strange career choice.
+Evan," Look, I'm pandering. I want to be a part of something that inspires people."
+Kutner, So quit. Find something inspiring and do it.
+Evan, It's not that easy.
+Kutner, Why not?
+Evan, Just isn't.
+Marie," It's my heart, doctor. It's racing."
+Brock," I'm sure it's nothing. You're a healthy Woman, Marie."
+Marie, Shouldn't you examine me?
+Brock, Why don't you have Rico do it?
+House, You can't tell me you didn't notice that pause.
+Thirteen, Sorry.
+Marie, She's nEver waking up.
+House," Ah, this is a whole new experience in super high def. I had no idea Marie wore an underwire."
+Taub, Does sound a little forced. Could be stiffening in his tongue which is a symptom of myxedema.
+Thirteen," It's not the tongue, it's the dialog. I think I dated that nurse, though. [House stares at her and Taub stares at the nurse on the screen] No."
+Foreman, What about the way he's holding that stethoscope? His thumb and forefinger are meeting at an odd angle.
+House, Could be demylenation from toxic exposure.
+Taub, Back it up.
+Cuddy," What's this, the AV club?"
+Foreman, It's diagnostic. Everything's under control.
+Cuddy," Yeah, excellent job so far. House, outside."
+House, Keep watParkng. You'll nEver guess what Rico's got in that box.
+Marie, Rico doesn't Even know I'm alive.
+Cuddy, You have an obsession with an actor or the character he plays. I feel for you. You need to work it out. But I need you to do it when the hospital's accreditation and my job are not on the line.
+House, You want the star of the hottest daytime drama on TV to die in your hospital?
+Cuddy," No, I want you to cure him without committing any more felonies."
+House, I can't do my job if you're going to tie my hands like that.
+Cuddy, Fifty-one weeks out of the year I let you run around like a monkey in a banana factory. All I'm asking is that you tone it for a few days.
+House, I want that TV.
+Cuddy, We're not bargaining.
+House, You want something. Either you're bargaining or you're begging.
+Cuddy, Me keeping my job is good for you.
+House," Yes, but it's better for you. I just want us to be equally happy."
+Kutner, [approaches] EMG was negative for nerve entrapment. Means the foot's a real symptom. Could be vitamin deficiency.
+House, Or a toxin.
+Kutner, Or atherosclerosis.
+House, Or a toxin.
+Cuddy, Why is toxin a better idea?
+House, Might not be. We'll know after I'm finished searParkng his set and dressing room for medically relevant stuff. Gotta go. Need a decision.
+Cuddy, You're not going to cut your own throat.
+House," Yeah, that sounds like me. [to Kutner] Test for heavy metals, organics, biotoxins and search the home."
+Wilson, I like the pillow top.
+Amber, I like this one.
+SalesMan, Great taste. That model's top of the line.
+Wilson, How much is it?
+SalesMan," $1,999. It's a great price."
+Wilson," And, what about ""�"
+Amber, That's too rich for us.
+Wilson, I don't know. You think!
+Amber," Honey, we can't afford that. Not with the baby on the way."
+SalesMan, Congratulations. Your first?
+Amber, Yes.
+SalesMan, How about I knock a hundred bucks off. Maybe throw in free delivery.
+Amber, Money is really tight right now. I'm a law clerk and my husband just got laid off. He has an interview today. Wish him luck.
+SalesMan, Good luck.
+Wilson, Fingers crossed.
+Amber," We might be able to afford $1,500."
+SalesMan," Well, I'd have to check with my Manager."
+Amber," Thanks. I appreciate it. [He leaves. Amber's beeper goes off. She hand Wilson her bag] Hold this, would you? 911 from work. Better go."
+Wilson, So am I getting the hard mattress or do I have to go to my job interview?
+Amber, WhatEver mattress you want. I'm fine either way.
+Wilson, You! Really?
+Amber, Really. Just as long as I get to help you break it in.
+House, Pack your Manhood on ice. Maybe the hospital can reattach it.
+Wilson, [calling from the store] You were so wrong. She's letting me choose.
+House," ""You choose""� does not mean you choose."
+Wilson," Really? Sounded like ""you choose.""� I suppose it's possible she meant ""House is soooo, so wrong.""�"
+House," It's a trap. It means ""if you love me you'll buy the one I want.""� [He grabs a handful of shelled sunflower seeds from a large container, popping them into his mouth while continuing the conversation.]"
+Wilson, Amber doesn't do passive-aggressive.
+House, People who do aggressive don't like to limit themselves. Could a leaky space heater cause vision pRoblems and numbness?
+Wilson, He'd of gotten better at the hospital. It's not a trap.
+House, Did I hear a question mark at the end of that sentence?
+Wilson," House, look, she's ""�"
+House, Gotta go. [hangs up]
+SalesMan, Manager says I can do that price.
+Marie," The gin bottles are all gifts from fans. Brock Sterling drinks it on the show but Evan doesn't drink at all. He's on this whole health kick right now. Fruits, nuts ""� did you take those from his dressing room?"
+House," No. You're not going to marry Brock, are you? We've been waiting four years for him to make it official with Anna."
+Marie, Are you really a doctor.
+House," Glioblastoma. Need more proof? So, no toxins on the set, how about his regular life? Unusual hobbies? Unsavory friends?"
+Marie, No. I've been out with him. He's as vanilla as they come.
+House," And by ""out""� you mean!?"
+Marie," Well, I asked him on a date last month. We went out a few times but we weren't right for each other."
+House, Too small or too large?
+Marie, Is that medically relevant?
+House," I'm a doctor and it's relevant to me. So, yes."
+Marie, We nEver got that far. We made out a while then he just said he should go home. He's a real gentleMan.
+House, [thinks and looks at the seeds in his hand] Now that'd be interesting.
+House," He's impotent. [he takes a packet from his pocket and tosses it on the table] Steady diet of sunflower seeds causes a B6 toxicity, which causes an autonomic disregulation, which causes a wood-free existence."
+Kutner, One bad night and a couple of sunflower seeds and he's got autonomic disregulation.
+House," It's more than just one. He can't Even remember the last time he was able to salute. It's cool, huh?"
+Thirteen, B6 wouldn't show up on a tox screen and we didn't find anything at the House.
+House, So all we have to do is filter the B6 out of his blood. Prep him for plasmapheresis.
+Cameron, Just because he didn't salute doesn't mean he can't.
+House, [looks around] And can you find out where that voice keeps coming from? And tell it to get out of my head.
+Kutner, The impotence could be psychological. He's depressed. Hates his job.
+Thirteen, Plasmapheresis has risks. We should have him spend the night in the sleep lab. See if he gets a reflex erection.
+House," Confirmation is for wimps and altar boys. We don't need to wait for a reflex. If he can't get engorged the way God intended, he can't get engorged."
+Cameron, I'm not showing him my boobs.
+House," Lack of response to your chest tells us nothing. Thirteen, show him! [exhales loudly] Where can I find a decent set of knockers around here?"
+Cameron, Your porn's in the second drawer.
+Kutner," All set. Heart monitor, blood pressure monitor and the one on his junk."
+Evan, This is humiliating.
+Thirteen, We're going to close the blinds to give you some privacy. The instruments will let us monitor your response. [the blinds close]
+Kutner, I don't get this guy. He has the coolest gig Ever but he's miserable about it.
+Thirteen, But he figures quitting won't do him any good. Figures he'd be unhappy anywhere.
+Kutner," Our circumstances affect whether or not ""�"
+Thirteen," You're pretty happy in this job, right?"
+Kutner, Sure.
+Thirteen, Have you Ever had a job where you were miserable?
+Kutner, I once sold men's fragrances in a department store.
+Thirteen, And were you miserable?
+Kutner, The pay was awful.
+Thirteen," It was a miserable job, but you weren't miserable."
+Kutner," So, what about you? Are you happy?"
+Thirteen, Not particularly. Heart rate and BP are climbing.
+Kutner, Got some activity on the tumescence monitor as well.
+Thirteen, There's nothing wrong with his naughty. It's not B6 toxicity. [She looks up and Kutner gives a tiny laugh] Did he just! finish?
+Kutner," Sometimes, uh, when you haven't, you know, for a while!"
+Thirteen," His heart rate's through the roof ""� 220 and climbing. [Evan groans]"
+Kutner, He's headed for cardiac arrest.
+Kutner," We shocked his heart back into sinus rhythm. He's stable, at least for now."
+Thirteen, Could be some sort of atypical septic reaction.
+Foreman, Not without a fEver.
+Thirteen," Thus the word ""atypical.""�"
+House," In that case, it could be an atypical bunion."
+Kutner, He used to smoke. Could be paraneoplastic syndrome caused by small cell lung cancer.
+Foreman, He quit twenty years ago and his calcium lEvels are normal.
+Cameron," [without pausing from charting] Could be Graves Disease. Extreme hyperthyroid disease leads to systemic pRoblems including numbness, vision loss and cardiac arrest."
+House, You want to be here.
+Cameron, I have to be here.
+House, Just say the word. I'll fire Thirteen.
+Cameron, Just sign the forms. [Thirteen looks up]
+House, Smart move. I was bluffing. She's right. We should fry the thyroid before it fries him.
+Taub," Uh! I know it's more exciting this way, but shouldn't we confirm you're right before destroying one of the most important glands in his body?"
+House," If that gland has drawn a bulls eye on his heart, then no."
+Cameron, Nuking his thyroid puts him at risk for vascular lesions and all kinds of cancer. Protocol says we should do an iodine uptake test.
+House," [whispers] ""We?""� [aloud] Anyone else want to run a useless test while Brock's thyroid plots its next lethal move? [Thirteen raises her hand. Kutner and Taub follow] It was rhetorical."
+Thirteen," You were sure about B6 toxicity, too."
+Foreman," House is right. [House stops writing, mid-signature]"
+House," Seriously? I mean, I am, but you think so?"
+Foreman," If he goes into full-on thyroid storm, he'll die. We gotta nuke his thyroid."
+Foreman, Hang up the phone.
+Thirteen, Why? If we're gonna nuke his thyroid!
+Foreman, We're not nuking the guy's thyroid without proof that it's Graves. Do the iodine uptake test.
+Kutner, If House finds out!
+Foreman," When House finds out! We'll have the test results. And we'll either do his procedure, or we won't."
+Cuddy, What are you doing here?
+House, Just grabbing a snack.
+Cuddy, You keep food in the morgue?
+House," Well, if I keep it in the lounge, Everyone else eats it."
+Cuddy, [holding up a food container with someone's name on it] That's 'cause it's Everyone else's food.
+House, Oh. I thought it was just Everyone else's bags.
+Cuddy, [throwing Everything in a covered trash can] The accreditation board will light us on fire for this.
+House," They're not going to find out. Unless, of course, Conway planned on inspecting the morgue in, say! two minutes. [feigning ignorance] Is that why you're here?"
+Cuddy, You're going to get me fired over a sandwich?
+House, No. Over a TV. And you're not gonna get fired because you're gonna fold.
+Cuddy," No, I won't."
+House," But you're gonna push it. So we need a safe word. So you can signal your unconditional surrender. [Conway enters] Call me ""Sweet Sauce.""� [he smiles at Conway and shakes his hand] Dr. House. I don't think we've met."
+Conway, Dr. Jaime Conway. I've heard your name.
+House," Most people have. It's also a noun. [pause] I sometimes come down here to relax, unwind. Maybe grab a ""�"
+Cuddy, Sweet Sauce. [Conway stares]
+House, It's a nickname.
+Cuddy, An ironic nickname. Wow. It is almost two. Aren't you supposed to be!
+House," Oh, yeah. Yeah. 'Cause those sick, blind kids aren't going to read to themselves. See ya. [Almost out the door, he turns back] I recommend skipping C-26. Floater. Been in the river at least a week."
+Conway, Thanks for the warning.
+House, Any time. [leaves]
+Cameron, Doesn't the doctors' lounge have that same TV?
+House," Nope. They've got a 12 inch, exactly like the one that used to be in here."
+Cameron, Files are done.
+House, I'll be doing a dance of joy just as soon as my leg is healed. [to the maintenance men] Can you tilt that down?
+Cameron," I know the paperwork annoys you, but Patient records are important. You can't just let them sit there."
+House," I had to. In the name of science. I let the crap pile up and I see which team member is the most self-flagellating ""� breaks down, clears up the mess. Surprise was, it turned out to be you. Again. And you weren't Even registered as a competitor. You miss me."
+Cameron, You miss me. You hired Thirteen to replace me.
+House," Yeah, yeah, yeah. All pretty girls are fungible. You're avoiding."
+Cameron, I miss the job. I miss running around playing private investigator. I miss... the puzzles.
+House," Seriously. I'll fire Thirteen. Or Kutner, if you think Thirteen is hot."
+Cameron, I don't miss you.
+Evan, That iodine left a really weird aftertaste.
+Taub," That's the tracer. We'll have the images in a couple of minutes. You must do okay with women, huh?"
+Kutner, I already asked him that.
+Taub, And?
+Evan, It's not all it's cracked up to be.
+Kutner, He feels unfulfilled.
+Taub, I doubt it.
+Evan, I'm lying?
+Taub," I used to be a plastic surgeon. I'd talk about my work as shallow and meaningless. Truth is, I loved Every boob job, Every tummy tuck. Meaning doesn't mean that much."
+Evan, But you're not a plastic surgeon anymore.
+Taub, It's compliCated.
+Evan, Are you happier?
+Taub, It's compliCated.
+Kutner, His thyroid looks normal.
+Evan," So that's good news, right?"
+Kutner, Everything look too bright to you?
+Taub, It could be the monitor.
+Kutner, It's not the monitor. It's the iodine. It's Everywhere. His body's not filtering it.
+Taub, His kidneys are failing.
+House, I told you to nuke his thyroid.
+Foreman, It's a good thing we didn't. Kidney failure means it wasn't graves.
+House," So, your test screwed me and our Patient's kidneys. You practically poisoned him with iodine."
+Foreman, Which he could have handled easily if his kidneys were healthy. All we did was rEveal a new symptom. Usually you're all for that.
+House, Must be the rancid tinge of betrayal that's put me off.
+Foreman, You were wrong.
+House, [turning on him] So tell me to my face. You nEver hesitated before. The Board's turned you into a coward.
+Foreman, I did it because it was the right thing to do.
+House, You did it to pass an inspection.
+Taub, Does it matter? Kidney failure on top of the other symptoms points to an autoimmune condition which means that any of his other organs could be next. We've already started dialysis. We need to run ANAs for autoimmune.
+House," You're right. You and the team, go measure the ceilings."
+Taub, Excuse me?
+House, Accreditation board guidelines state that no object can be less than 18 inches from the ceiling. Make sure we're in compliance.
+Foreman, There's nothing in our office that would be less than!
+House, I don't mean us. I mean the whole hospital.
+Amber, Let's see how this baby handles.
+Wilson, What?
+Amber, You bought the firm mattress.
+Wilson, I thought that's the one you wanted.
+Amber, It was. Why would you do that?
+Wilson, Because! [laughs] Is this a trick question?
+Amber, I left it up to you. You were supposed to get the one you wanted.
+Wilson, I got the one you wanted because I love you.
+Amber, No. [she pushes him off and sits up] You did it because that's what you do. With all your ex-wives you did whatEver they wanted because it was easier and you ended up resenting them. Don't you dare do that to me.
+Wilson, What? Take care of you?
+Amber, Have you met me? I can take care of me. I need you to take care of you. I have work to do.
+House, You made it to page 8. Mysterious hospital visit for soap doc.
+Evan," Wow. I'll be sure to send my Mom a copy. They told me I have an autoimmune disease, like lupus or sarcoidosis."
+House, That's what we're here to find out.
+Evan, You really as good as Everyone seems to think you are?
+House, Are you really as miserable as Everyone seems to think you are?
+Evan, I just want to do something that matters.
+House," Nothing matters. We're all just cockroaches, wilDebeests dying on the river bank. Nothing we do has any lasting meaning."
+Evan, And you think I'm miserable.
+House," If you're unhappy on the plane, jump out of it."
+Evan, I want to but! I can't.
+House, Mmm. That's the pRoblem with metaphors. They need interpretation. Jumping out of a plane is stupid.
+Evan," Well, what if I'm not in a plane? What if I'm just in a place I don't want to be?"
+House," That's the other pRoblem with metaphors. Yes, what if you're actually on an ice cream truck and outside are candy and flowers and virgins. You're on a plane! We're all on planes. Life is dangerous and compliCated and! it's a long way down."
+Evan, So you're afraid of change?
+House," No, you're afraid to change. You'd rather imagine that you can escape instead of actually try. 'Cause if you fail, then you got nothing. So you'll give up the chance of something real so you can hold onto hope. The thing is, hope is for sissies.'"
+Evan," When I get out of here, I'm not gonna be afraid anymore. I mean, how Many guys get a second chance?"
+House, Too Many. Half the people I save don't deserve a second chance.
+Evan," Now that I've got mine, I'm gonna set things right. I'm gonna start by being a better father to you. And to your sister."
+House and Evan, And to your other sister.
+House, You realize you're reciting lines from last season?
+Evan, We're gonna do all the things I promised. Just help me get out of this bed.
+House, Cooling blankets in here. This guy's brain is about to boil. [he returns to the bedside. He snaps his fingers twice to get Evan's attention] Do you know where you are? What's your name?
+Evan, Dr. Brock Sterling.
+Thirteen, FEver rules out autoimmune. He's septic. He's got a massive infaction.
+Kutner, We've got him on broad-spectrum antibiotics but he's slipped from delirium into a coma.
+House," Good news is the last time Brock was in a coma, he fathered two Parkldren."
+Foreman," We need to identify the infection and get him on more targeted med, fast."
+Kutner, What about pneumococcus? Causes heart pRoblems and sepsis.
+Thirteen, Not with the neuropathies in his foot and eyes. What about tetanus? It fits.
+Taub, He had a tetanus booster last year. Lyme disease?
+Kutner, He would have been sore all over.
+Taub, There's a thousand infections that could have caused this. We can start testing but he'll be dead before the cultures grow.
+Foreman, Unless it's a fungus. We could see that under a microscope.
+House," Test him for fungi, parasites, all creatures great and small."
+Kutner, Where are you going?
+House, To lie down. I need to think.
+House, Could be rat bite fEver. But his glands aren't swollen. Which one are you gonna get?
+Wilson, She told me to get the one I want.
+House," So get it. Listeria explains the sepsis, possibly also the heart pRoblem."
+Wilson, But not the numbness.
+House, If the listeria caused encephalomyelitis which then caused the numbness.
+Wilson, I want a waterbed.
+House, Wow.
+Wilson, I've always wanted one. I know it's ridiculous. It's just! There's something nice about the thought of being rocked to sleep in water. [pause] No mocking? No Freudian analysis of how the waterbed is really a great big vagina I want to crawl into?
+House, I'm ignoring you because you make me sad. He's on ampicillin. Which means if it's listeria he would have shown some improvement.
+Wilson," No. It's a whole! thing. You need special sheets and insurance and ""�"
+House, Who cares? You wanted one your whole life. You're a grown up. You can afford it. Stores sell them.
+Wilson," Most adults don't go through life the way you do, House, indulging our Every whim."
+House, You don't deserve to be happy.
+Wilson, And yet I am. You?
+House," It is stupid. [he puts down the pillow and starts to leave] Live the dream, Wilson."
+House, It's not an infection. It's an allergy. That's why it's not responding to antibiotics.
+Foreman," This isn't a soap opera, House. People don't just wake up from comas the second you give them drugs."
+House, Especially if we give them the wrong drugs. What'd the tests say?
+Foreman," It was negative for fungus and parasites. But that doesn't mean""�"
+House," The more infections we rule out, the more likely it is that it's not an infection."
+Foreman," He has no history of allergies or asthma. Most importantly, none of his symptoms remotely resemble an allergic reaction."
+House, Allergens could trigger an allergic vasculitis. That would explain the symptoms.
+Foreman, One in a million times. Septic infection always explains his symptoms.
+House, But an infection is nEver resistant to Every antibiotic.
+Foreman," An infection is rarely resistant ""�"
+House, And allergy nEver responds to antibiotics. NEver beats rarely. QED I won. There were chrysanthemums in his dressing room.
+Foreman, My God. Why didn't you say he'd been exposed to plant life.
+House," Chrysanthemums contain pyrethrins, a neurotoxin and a know allergen."
+Foreman," He has an infection. If we give him steroids, we'll kill him."
+House," He has an allergy. If we don't give him steroids, we'll kill him."
+Foreman, Not as fast.
+House, Fast enough. We don't have time for the rest of the tests. We have to do something. And what we're doing right now isn't working.
+House, A hundred milligrams methylprednisilone.
+Pharmacist, Patients' names?
+House, It's one Patient.
+Pharmacist, You want to give one Patient a hundred milligrams? That'll jump-start a car.
+House, Perfect. The Patient's in a '69 Ford Coma.
+Pharmacist," Anything over 50 milligrams, I need a sign-off from Dr. Cuddy. It's protocol. And the inspector's here."
+House," I am 99% certain that she'll consent. [he heads behind the counter] For the sake of the 1%, why don't I just!"
+Pharmacist, You're not allowed back here.
+House," Well, tell the inspector he can put it on my tab."
+Cuddy, 100 milligrams of methylprednisilone is an overdose.
+House, We were wrong about the infection. He's suffering from a sEvere allergic reaction.
+Cuddy," The team hasn't finished the test for allergy. His symptoms don't ""�"
+House," In rare cases! Trust me. At the end of this conversation, I'm right."
+Cuddy, Then confirm it. Get a blood test.
+House, What is it about this sEvere and deepening coma that makes you think we got time for protocol?
+Cuddy, Protocol has saved your Patient from having his thyroid destroyed and his blood drained.
+House," If you think I'm wrong, tell me I'm wrong. Don't talk about protocol."
+Cuddy, My job's on the line. You're job is on the line.
+House," Okay. Here's what you do. You wait three minutes, then you call security. By the time they get here and lock me up, I'll be done. He gets to live and your ass gets to be covered."
+Cuddy," If he dies, let me know. So I can pack my things."
+Cuddy, Tests are negative. Patient's negative for all floral allergies. [he follows her into the hall where she rings for an elevator] I'm gonna restart the antibiotics! if he's still alive.
+Cuddy," Ampicillin, 2 grams IV."
+Foreman, Why? The steroids worked. House was right.
+Cuddy, The test was negative. [she picks up the chart as House enters the room]
+Foreman, He was still right. It was an allergy.
+House, To what?
+Evan, Thank you.
+House, I was wrong. [to Cuddy] You should have stopped me. [he leaves]
+Conway, I heard about House's Patient. Bold move. And you backed him.
+Cuddy, He was right.
+Conway, He wasn't Even in the same neighborhood as right.
+Cuddy, The Patient's alive.
+Conway," Okay. The rules exist because 95% of the time, for 95% of the people, they're the right thing to do."
+Cuddy, And the other 5%?
+Conway," Have to live by the same rules. Because Everybody thinks they're in that 5%. [She stares at him. He opens a folder as he sits down.] Okay. I notice that, uh, Dr. Chase!"
+Amber, What are you doing out here?
+Wilson, I can't sleep. I hate the waterbed.
+Amber," [sitting on the floor, next to him] I actually kind of like it."
+Wilson, No. It's awful. We're returning it tomorrow.
+Amber," Okay. [she lies down with him] I'm glad you got it, though."
+Wilson, Me too. I hope they'll take it back.
+Amber," They will. [she snuggles closer, he chuckles]"
+Anna, You promised me you'd stop drinking. [a clunk as a glass hits a table]
+Brock," Of course I'm drunk, Anna. They told me you'd nEver wake up from that coma."
+Anna, But how could you get engaged to my sister?
+Brock, We fell in love. [Brock and House both drink] What do you want from me Anna? I'm just a Man.
+Anna," And I'm just a Woman. And as thrilled as I am about The Lady Slipper being the best nightclub Port Lawrence has Ever seen, doesn't compare to the happiness that I feel when ""�"
+Cuddy, Hello?
+House, Don't hang up. What was the verdict?
+Cuddy," $200,000 fine."
+House, You should have been fired.
+Cuddy," Good night, House."
+House, There are bubbles in his glass.
+Cuddy," Can't this wait until ""�"
+House, My Patient is allergic to quinine. [Cuddy turns on the light and sits up.]
+Cuddy, And you got this from bubbles?
+House, The symptoms started two months ago. It's also when Brock started downing gin and tonics like a Brit staving off malaria. The gin was fake. The tonic was real.
+Cuddy, And tonic water is loaded with quinine. Huh. Nice job.
+House, You should've been fired.
+Cuddy, I'm taking back the TV.
+House, I saved his life.
+Cuddy, That wasn't the deal.
+House, The contract clearly stated no takesy backsides.
+Cuddy," Good night, House."
+House, What are you wearing.
+Cuddy," Good night, House."
+House," Good night, Cuddy."
+DANCER, Do you like that?
+House, Uh...I don't know.
+DANCER, Do you want me to use my butt again?
+House, [House sees a very short flashback of someone bleeding.] I don't know how I got here. [Exhales into his hand and smells his breath.] How Many drinks did I have?
+DANCER, Your scotch hasn't Even arrived yet.
+House, That means I was drunk when I got here. [Looks at his watch.] 8:50. [Thinks.] I remember being at work. I've lost at least four hours. [To the dancer.] Say five words.
+DANCER, [Still dancing.] What do you mean?
+House, That's four words. The accepted diagnostic test for global memory impairment is five random words.
+DANCER, Are you okay?
+House, I'm...[Dancer sits on his lap.] Trying to find that out. Give me five... Animals.
+DANCER, Um...Cat. Bird. Monkey. Rhino. Goldfish.
+House," [Closes his eyes.] Monkey, Rhino... [Grabs his head.] Either I'm massively drunk ""� [Looks at blood on fingertips.]"
+DANCER," [Sees the blood on his hand.] Oh, you're bleeding."
+House, Or it's someone else's blood. Do you see a wound? [Dancer winces as she looks at his scalp.] How bad is it?
+DANCER, It's all over.
+House," I have a concussion. Retrograde amnesia. [Pats his pockets.] I have no keys, no phone. I've been mugged."
+DANCER, No you haven't. You already gave me a twenty.
+House, Did you earn it?
+DANCER, Not yet.
+House, Someone is going to die.
+DANCER, [Looks alarmed and yells toward the bouncer.] Kenny!
+House," Not you. I saw something, a symptom. Someone is going to die unless I find them."
+DANCER, Who?
+House, I have no idea. Keep the change.
+House, I saw somebody dying.
+Wilson, You saw thirty people flying into glass and metal.
+House, I saw a symptom before the crash.
+Wilson," You're concussed. You don't know what you saw and you don't know when you saw it. A week ago, you noticed a symptom in a soap star."
+House, Bad argument. Since I was right about that.
+Wilson, But your brain obviously thinks it happened last night. Wires are crossed.
+Cameron, [Finishes pulling stuff out of Houses head.] That's all of it. A few stitches will hold your brain in place. [Starts trying to put in the first stitch.]
+House, [Pulls away.] Ow!
+Cameron, Hey! Hold your head still unless you want me to sew your nose under your eye.
+House, Why was I taking the bus?
+Wilson, Because you were drunk.
+House, What if I saw someone and I followed them on from... Somewhere in Princeton?
+Taub, You okay?
+House, Perfect. Uh...Uh...You. [Points to Taub.] Get histories from Everyone in here.
+Wilson, Did you just forget his name?
+House, No. [To Thirteen] Lesbian. Find out if anybody on that bus was taken to other hospitals.
+Thirteen, You just forgot mine.
+House," No, Thirteen. I just wanted to call you a lesbian."
+Thirteen, I'm not a lesbian.
+House," I was rounding up, from 50%. [To Kutner] Find my cane and motorcycle. Figure out where I went last night."
+Kutner, [Pulls out a pen and opens a file.] Where's your cane and motorcycle? And where'd you go last night?
+House, You're going to trust me? I lie about Everything. [The three of them leave.]
+House, How much bigger could it get?
+Wilson," You don't think it's ""� [House motions for Wilson to get the crutch nearby for him. Wilson grabs it and hands it to House.] A little weird that there's both a giant crash and a simultaneous, mysterious symptom sighting? [House realises something.]"
+House, What if it's not a coincidence?
+Wilson, You mean like the hand of God reaParkng down and screwing with you?
+House, That... Or the symptom caused the crash. [Looks around.] Did you see anybody in a bus driver's uniform?
+House," Right here. Purpura on Ralph Klamden's neck, indicative of leukaemia. Caused a bleed in the brain, and hence the accident."
+Wilson, [Moves the bus driver's shirt open a bit more rEvealing the bruise is in the shape of a seatbelt.] Indicative of wearing a seatbelt. It's just a bruise.
+BUS DRIVER, I have leukaemia?
+House," No, we just ruled that out, pay attention. [To Wilson] He pRobably had a seizure."
+BUS DRIVER, I didn't have a seizure. I got hit by a garbage truck.
+House, Which you drove into while you were seizing.
+Wilson, You saw the bus driver exhibiting the initial stages of a seizure and didn't bother telling him to pull over?
+House, Hey! [House walks over to one of the crash victims being wheeled out in a wheelchair by a nurse.] Nobody leaves here until I say they can be discharged.
+WHEELCHAIR GUY," She said I was ""�"
+House, Is she me? [Feels his forehead.] You have a fEver.
+WHEELCHAIR GUY," No, I'm fine."
+NURSE, 98.6.
+House, I need him to stay.
+NURSE, Pulse is normal. BP's normal. Everything's normal.
+WHEELCHAIR GUY, I just have a stiff neck from the crash.
+House, Stiff neck. [Yells to Everyone in the ER.] This Man has meningitis. We need to quarantine the whole ER. No one leaves here until their full workup is complete.
+Kutner, You left here at 5:23 p.m. Your motorcycle nEver made it home.
+House," Well, that covers ten seconds out of the four hours I can't remember. Where else did you look?"
+Kutner," We did pull up a list of all of the injuries. Twenty-two victims were brought here, injuries ranging from a broken pelvis to a sEvered right foot."
+Taub, The other eight were taken over to Princeton General.
+House, [Looking through the files.] It would be helpful if these came with head shots and resumes.
+Thirteen," [Reading off one of the files.] Twenty-something year-old Jane Doe. Kidney contusion, laceration on her leg ""�"
+House, Both of which are expected complications when someone goes from 60 to 0 in no seconds flat.
+Taub, The weirdest thing we've got is a ruptured spleen.
+House," Okay, new plan. We make a list of all the bars between here and the crash site. Find out where I went, we go there ""�"
+Taub, On it. [The three of them start to leave.]
+House," You're not going to do anything, are you?"
+Thirteen, We're going to go to the ER and do our jobs.
+House," Someone is dying because I can't remember ""�"
+Taub," When you remember, you can page us."
+Kutner, [Turns back.] The shortest distance between here and your memory is straight through your prefrontal cortex. All we have to do is access it.
+Taub, Great idea. I'll build the giant submarine. You get the miniaturization gizmo.
+Kutner," Medical hypnosis can bring the brain to a class II theta state, increasing focus and memory retrieval."
+House," You're not doing to make me do the Parkcken dance, are you?"
+Kutner, Someone on the surgical department must be trained.
+Chase, [In a soft voice.] Just relax. Keep letting go of any intrusive thoughts.
+House," [Lying back with his eyes closed.] So what, you saw an ad on the back of a comic book?"
+Chase, Shh! I did a rotation in Melbourne. Focus on the sound of your breath.
+Wilson, You're taxing an already injured brain. It's like telling him to walk it off after a broken ankle.
+Chase, Wilson is done talking now. [Chase glares at Wilson.] Visualize the bus. The way it looked. The way it smelled. The people on it. What they look like.
+House," This is a waste of... [Suddenly House is on the bus, which is empty.] Time. [Looks around.] Cool. [Chase appears on the bus in front of him.]"
+Chase, Focus on the details.
+House, The bus is empty. [House suddenly sees a hand waving in front of him. We are back in Houses office and we see that Wilson is waving his hand in House's face who is just staring straight ahead.]
+Wilson, Is this really working?
+Chase [To Wilson]," Shh. [Resumes talking to House.] Just focus. Clear your mind. [Back on the bus, now Wilson is there too.] Think back to how you felt. Details you saw."
+House," [Looks around.] I can't see out the windows, and I can see you guys."
+Chase, Memories further from the incident should be clearer. Where were you before you got on the bus?
+Wilson," Why did you get so drunk at five in the afternoon, alone?"
+House," I need a reason? [Looks to his right and Wilson is sitting next to him.] God, I hate 'beer' brand beer."
+Wilson," [To Chase who appears on the other side of House.] When he's hypnotized, can he lie?"
+Chase, He...
+House," I can be mistaken, but I can't actually lie under hypnosis. [Continues drinking.]"
+Wilson, [To Chase] Is he lying?
+Chase, No.
+Wilson, What are you running away from?
+House," When I'm drinking without you? What am I running away from? Hmm, One of those imponderables. Can you hold off on your insecurities until we find this Patient?"
+Chase, Do you see anyone in the bar?
+House," [Looks around sees some people playing pool, some just drinking, all of them have no faces.] I see a faceless crowd. How do I focus? Say something to make me focus. [Amber appears in the corner.]"
+Amber, He's concerned about you. Why does that mean he's insecure?
+House, [To Wilson] Will you get your girlfriend out of here?
+Amber, It's a legit question.
+Wilson, Amber's there? You've got Amber in your head?
+House, You put her in my head. I can't Even have a conversation with you in my subconscious without her tagging along.
+Wilson, Well she better have her clothes on.
+House, [Sighs] Unfortunately. [Pause] I didn't mean to say that out loud.
+Wilson, Say what out loud?
+House, I didn't say it out loud? Nothing.
+Wilson, What's going on in there?
+House," [To Chase] If I can't lie, I need these two out of here."
+Chase," Let's just ignore Wilson and Amber for now, shall we?"
+House," I wish it were that ""� [Notices that Wilson and Amber have disappeared.] That's some program they got down there in Melbourne. [He picks up a fluted glass of what looks like champagne.] Cheers. [House looks up as he raises his glass and sees the Bartender.] I remember the Bartender."
+Chase, Good. Now you're accessing your temporal lobe. Does the Bartender have any odd symptoms?
+House, He seems fine. [Looks around] Anybody here sick? Anyone here taking the bus?
+Bartender, You are.
+House, [Looks at the Bartender again.] Because... You took my keys.
+Chase, Good. This is good. Now we can retrace your steps. Let's go back to the bus. What's in front of you?
+House, [Back on the bus. He can see all the passengers.] Passengers.
+Chase," Anything, special about them?"
+House, Some emo guitar hero wannabe.
+Chase," You're focusing on him, why?"
+House, [Emo Guy picks his nose.] Because nose picking could mean nasal pruritus. He's dying.
+House, [To Emo Guy.] You a nose picker?
+EMO GUY, Do I have to answer?
+House," If the answer was no, you would have answered. Tilt your head back."
+Cuddy," He's fine. He doesn't Even have meningitis, just like Everybody else we've had to give meningitis shots to. [To Emo Guy.] You can go."
+House, You have a brain tumour.
+EMO GUY," You're kidding, right?"
+House," If I was kidding, I'd be dressed like you."
+Cuddy, You're fine. A nurse will sign you out.
+House, Go home. Have fun. Relax. I'm pRobably just a nut case. [Emo Guy looks at Cuddy.]
+Cuddy, [Sighs.] Tilt your head back.
+House," [Looks in Emo Guy's nose, sees nothing of interest.] You can get your things and go."
+Cuddy, [To House] You need to rest. I'm admitting you.
+BUS DRIVER, [Yelling.] Oh! Oh! I can't get up. I can't move my legs.
+House, Your legs are not your biggest pRoblem. Your biggest pRoblem is... I don't know what your biggest pRoblem is.
+House," So, we have the who, but not the what."
+Taub, We've only got one symptom to go on. Sudden onset paralysis.
+House, We actually have two symptoms.
+Foreman, Only one that we remember.
+Taub, You did a full work up on the guy. Did you find anything? [House shakes his head.]
+Kutner," CT ruled out subdural hematoma, stroke, or subarachnoid hemorrhage."
+Thirteen, Guillain-Barr� fits.
+House," [Makes some weird arm movements, Everyone looks at him.] I'm just trying to figure out what Guillain-Barr� looks like."
+Thirteen, You can't just eliminate Everything because it doesn't match what you might have seen.
+House, How about because it doesn't match what I could have seen? Guillain-Barr� has no external physical Manifestations.
+Foreman," Everything has some external physical Manifestations, and you're obsessive enough to notice any of them. Which means there's nothing we can rule out."
+Kutner, Elevated white count means transverse myelitis is...
+Taub, Sudden paralysis while driving a bus. That's the sort of subtle clue that only a genius would have noticed. [Sips coffee. House has a short flashback of someone on the bus drinking coffee. House takes Taub's coffee away from him and sniffs it.]
+Kutner, Are you sure you're feeling okay?
+Thirteen, Where are you going?
+House," To smell a bus, obviously. [Taub, Thirteen and Kutner follow him out. Foreman stays behind.]"
+Foreman," Yeah, I'll uh, start him on antibiotics in case it's transverse myelitis. You guys go sniff a city bus."
+Thirteen, Why are you smelling the passengers' clothes?
+House, Smell is the most powerful evokerater of memory. [Takes a couple of Vicodin.] I need to get back on that bus.
+Taub, Okay. So why are you taking so much Vicodin?
+House," If Cuddy asks, blocking the pain helps focus the memory."
+Thirteen," You split your head open, you should rest. [Hands him another piece of clothing.] Anything?"
+House, A hint of... Exploded bus. [Takes another couple of Vicodin.]
+Taub," House, that's four Vicodin in forty seconds. At this rate..."
+House, [Dumping all the clothes onto the table.] Wish me luck. I'm going in. Rambo style. [Slams his head down in the clothes.]
+Taub," House, do you think this is going to work, or are you just stoned?"
+House," [Stands up again and now he's back on the bus.] Both, apparently."
+BUS DRIVER, You're wrong. It's not working.
+House," So, you're saying I'm not here. [Walking towards the bus driver.]"
+BUS DRIVER," If this were a real memory, you'd be limping. [House looks down and notices that he isn't limping.] And you wouldn't be talking to me. I'm obviously a hallucination."
+House, Okay. So I went a little heavy on the Vicodin.
+House, We're both in my head. You'd think one of us would have noticed the blood.
+BUS DRIVER, Why haven't you had a head CT yet?
+House, Who do you want me to treat? Me or you? Did you have a seizure?
+BUS DRIVER, Dumb question. The brain's too fried during a seizure to form memories.
+House," Dumb answer. I wasn't asking you, I was asking me. Because you've already proven that you're not here."
+BUS DRIVER, I'm getting a headache.
+House, Is that a clue?
+BUS DRIVER," Again, I'm not here. You're getting a headache. Stop arguing with a hallucination and get some treatment."
+MYSTERY Woman," He can't. [House turns around and sees that same dark haired Woman from earlier on, now there are other passengers around.] The hallucination is your messed up brain's way of reasoning out a pRoblem."
+House, You weren't on the bus.
+MYSTERY Woman, How do you know?
+House, Five hundred dollar shoes. Not on a Princeton cross-town.
+MYSTERY Woman, Must be another reason why I'm here.
+House," Yes. What do you have to tell me? [Wilson slaps his hand on House's shoulder, bringing him back to the present. House is annoyed.] I was talking to the passengers on the bus!"
+Wilson, You were hallucinating. You're getting an MRI.
+Wilson, [Monitoring the test.] Stop fidgeting.
+House," If you haven't found the bleed yet, it can't be ""�"
+Wilson," There's edema, and localized swelling in the section of the temporal lobe that controls short-term memory. Also, the penis size cortex is set to pathetic. What didn't you say out loud?"
+House, Very little.
+Wilson," When you were under hypnosis, you were talking to Amber?"
+House, I wanted to see her naked.
+Wilson," Seriously, what were you hiding?"
+House, I want to see her naked.
+Wilson, You want to see Everyone naked. Why would you hide that?
+House," [Laughs.] Well some guys get upset when you objectify their girlfriends. But if you're okay, I've got a digital video camera. So we could ""�"
+Wilson," Why would I be upset that you're treating my girlfriend like you treat Every other Woman on the planet, unless...You're not? Unless it's deeper than that. You WEREN'T objectifying her."
+House," Trust me. I want to do some very nasty, demeaning stuff to your girlfriend."
+Wilson, You have feelings for her. [Pauses as he looks at the screen] This is bad.
+Cuddy, It's a longitudinal fracture of the temporal bone.
+House, I banged my head.
+Cuddy, This isn't just a boo-boo.
+House, I'll rest once I've figured out what's wrong with this guy.
+Wilson," Why? Why this guy? You want Patients with weird undiagnosed symptoms? You get five files like that on your desk Every morning and you'd nEver risk your life for them. [House turns around.] Why is this guy so special, so that you become BatMan?"
+House, I don't know.
+Cuddy," Maybe it's because you have a cracked skull, and you're not yourself. Go home. Go to sleep. [House nods.]"
+BUS DRIVER, My legs are holding.
+Thirteen," Good, now put all your weight on your right leg. [House enters.] The antibiotics are working. It's TM."
+Foreman, It's two in the morning. You should be home resting what's left of your bruised brain.
+House, Recovery's too fast.
+Thirteen," What, the fact that he's getting better is evidence that we're wrong?"
+BUS DRIVER, [Groans] I need to sit. [They help him back onto his bed.]
+Foreman, Recovery slow enough for you now?
+BUS DRIVER, It's my stomach. Oh... [Lies down on his back.]
+House, Which means it's not transverse myelitis.
+Thirteen, Rapid onset. It could be a perforated ulcer.
+House," Wouldn't explain the paralysis. Addison's, from a tumour. It's possible that I saw his eyelids droop."
+Foreman, We've scanned his head five times. [Looks at House and notices blood dripping from his ear.] You're bleeding.
+House, A little thing called a bus crash. It's just a scalp laceration. It could be hidden in his optic Parkasm.
+Foreman, It's coming from your ear. You think that's a good thing?
+House, [Ignores Foreman.] But that would have affected his eyesight. I need to take a bath.
+Thirteen," Hallucinations and smells were kind of working, right? Why the bath?"
+House, Hypnosis gave me a nose picker. Smells set off hallucinations. Sensory deprivation should get the brain into an alpha-theta phase. [Hands the rest of the salt to Thirteen and then takes off his shirt.] Didn't you see Altered States?
+Thirteen, I don't think I was Even born when that movie was out.
+House, Well then you're too young to be a doctor. That movie was released in 1980.
+Thirteen, That was twenty-eight years ago.
+House," No, it wasn't, shut up."
+Thirteen, Did you just forget what year it is?
+House, No. I just remembered how old I am. [Gets into the tank.] I need to give my brain time to transition so I can embrace my inner monkey. Or maybe I don't. Give me some physostigmine. It crosses the blood-brain barrier.
+Thirteen," And act like a nerve gas, stop your heart, you'll go to heaven and be omniscient. Good idea. Not going to happen. [Starts closing the lid. House stops her.]"
+House," Don't do anything. Even if I escape. Eat a goat. Get shot by police ""�"
+Thirteen, Wasn't born yet means I won't be entertained by further reference. [Closes the lid as House lies down.]
+Cuddy, I didn't know you rode the bus.
+House," I used to drive home after getting drunk, but some mothers got MAD-D. What are you doing here? You weren't on the bus with me."
+Cuddy, [Gets up and walks over to House.] Then I guess this isn't a memory. It's a fantasy.
+House," If it's a fantasy, you'd be wearing... This. [Cuddy clothes suddenly change to a much skimpier outfit.]"
+Cuddy," You're convinced your Patient is dying, and you want to waste your time with a sex fantasy?"
+House, Don't blame me. Blame my gender.
+Cuddy," Well, I'm not here to indulge that. I'm here to help you figure out what symptom you saw. Your Patient was driving the bus, so all you could see ""�"
+House, Why can't you do both?
+Cuddy," Your Patient was driving the bus, so all you could see was him sitting down. Most likely facing forward."
+House," [House smiles as he watches Cuddy.] From behind, I saw his earlobes wiggling. Or his head bobbing. [Cuddy takes off her top and drops it on House's face. House sits stunned for a few seconds and then takes it off his face, as Cuddy gives him a nice look at her ass.] But not that."
+Cuddy, Could indiCate aortic insufficiency.
+House, Marfan's syndrome.
+Cuddy, Or syphilis. [Takes off her skirt. She is now just wearing her white bra and underwear - which are glowing under the black light - and her black stiletto's as she swings around the pole to face House again.]
+House, What if his earlobes were just drooping?
+Cuddy, Ehlers-Danlos?
+House, Or cutis laxa.
+Cuddy, It's not fatal in adults. [She turns around. With her back to House she unclips her bra.]
+House," Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's an adult, very good point. Keep going. [She holds her bra up and turns around to House again who is leaning forward watParkng very closely.]"
+Cuddy," I'm distracting you. [She stops dancing, and sits down beside House. She's wearing a suit again.]"
+House," [Screams.] No! Dance, Woman!"
+Cuddy, You'd rather be diagnosing.
+House, I screamed no.
+Cuddy, And your own subconscious ignored you. Because you'd rather fantasize about finding symptoms. How screwed up is that?
+BUS DRIVER," Hey, over here. [House looks up at the bus driver and Cuddy disappears.] Remember me? I'm the sick guy. [House gets up and walks over, without limping.]"
+House, Tell me what I saw.
+BUS DRIVER, Was it the blood dripping from my ear? [Shows House his ear which is dripping blood.]
+House, That doesn't make sense. Because your shirt wasn't stained. And because that was me. [House's ear starts bleeding.]
+BUS DRIVER," I could have had a subtle hemiballismus, indicating the early stages of Huntington's."
+House, Huntington's wouldn't explain the abdominal pain. And it's only on the table because we're thinking of Thirteen.
+BUS DRIVER, A shuffling gait could suggest Parkinson's.
+House, Except there's no such thing as shuffling sitting.
+MYSTERY Woman, [Appears behind him.] He moved when he helped the old lady up the steps.
+House, [Turns around and walks over to her.] Who are you?
+MYSTERY Woman, I'm the answer. Look.
+House, At what?
+BUS DRIVER," Here. [House turns around, the bus is full of people and the Bus Driver is helping an old lady up the steps.]"
+House," [To Mystery Woman.] You were right. [Turns around and is suddenly blinded with light, which brings him back to the present as Foreman, Cuddy, Wilson, and Thirteen open the lid to the tank.]"
+Cuddy, Help him up.
+House, [Jumps up.] I got it! It's Parkinson's.
+Thirteen, House. Your ear.
+House, Start him on levodopa.
+Wilson, You should sit down.
+Cuddy, House!
+House, Get that out of my face.
+NURSE, Welcome back. I'm Nurse Dickerson.
+House, I don't need your name. And I got your profession from your super competent technique of melting my retinas.
+NURSE, Verbal faculties seem to be intact. Do you remember passing out?
+House, I remember puking on Cuddy's shoes. [Turns his head.] Ow.
+NURSE, Yeah. Skull fractures tend to hurt.
+House, It'd hurt a lot less if you didn't swipe my pain pills.
+NURSE," Dr. Cuddy's orders. Wants me to regulate the amount ""�"
+House," [Sees a security guard standing near the door.] Wait a second, you brought muscle?"
+NURSE, Dr. Cuddy's orders.
+House," Means I was wrong. My Patient doesn't have Parkinson's. Cuddy knows that's the only reason I wouldn't want to stay here with my pain pills, porn, and you forEver. [Tries to sit up, Nurse Dickerson pushes him back down.]"
+NURSE, Vomiting means your brain injury is getting worse.
+Kutner, House's skull fracture extends all the way down to his ear canal.
+Foreman," House is being looked after. Our other Patient has jaundice, low albumin, and no diagnosis."
+Thirteen, Wilson's disease.
+Foreman," Thank you. But Wilson's wouldn't explain ""� [Phone rings and he answers it.] Foreman."
+House, [Lying on his couch using his mobile.] How did you eliminate Parkinson's?
+Foreman," Well, the tests confirmed the abdominal pain was caused by liver failure."
+House, I assume you've already ruled out hepatitis and Wilson's.
+Kutner, You should really be resting.
+Thirteen, Give him five minutes. Brainstorming a few possibilities isn't going to explode his brain.
+House," Then if she's wrong, that makes this phone call that much more exciting. What about hepatic fibrosis?"
+Foreman," Can't be, his alk-phos was normal."
+Taub, It could be thyrotoxic periodic paralysis.
+House, Did I mention this diagnosis needs to make sense?
+Foreman," Why doesn't it make sense? The bus driver's Asian, his potassium is slightly low ""�"
+House," If he got paralysed while driving the bus, don't you think I would have gotten off at the next stop?"
+Thirteen, Not if the next stop was at a 90 degree angle into an SUV.
+House," The bus would have slowed, I would have noticed ""�"
+NURSE," Phone call's over. [Tries to take the phone off House, he switches hands to avoid her grasp.]"
+Taub, TPP has all the confirmed symptoms. There's no downside to testing.
+House, Genetic test is too slow. [Nurse takes phone away from him so he yells out.] Run the bagel test!
+BUS DRIVER, How Many more bagels do I have to eat for this to work?
+Thirteen, High carbs plus exercise is the quickest way to confirm TPP.
+BUS DRIVER, I've been on this for half an hour. I'm not going to collapse again.
+Thirteen, Up the speed.
+Taub, Keep eating.
+Kutner, [Answers it.] Yeah?
+House," [In his bathroom using a different phone.] So the carbo-loading marathon isn't working. [Kutner looks around surprised.] Stop looking around suspiciously. To answer your next two questions, no, I am not there, and yes, you are completely predictable. If the test had worked, you would have called to put my deliCate brain at ease. [Nurse knocks on the bathroom door.]"
+NURSE, I told you not to lock the door.
+House, [Yells out.] Still wiping! [To Kutner.] Put the phone up to bus driver's grill. [Kutner does as he's told and House listens to the bus driver's breathing.]
+NURSE, Who are you talking to?
+House, My large colon. [To Kutner.] TPP is not consistent with your Patient's laboured breathing.
+Kutner, The Patient has laboured breathing because he's been on a treadmill for the last thirty minutes.
+NURSE, Did you take my cell phone?
+House, My large colon did. I'm negotiating its release.
+BUS DRIVER, Help!
+House, What's happening?
+Kutner, The test worked. He collapsed.
+House," You're half right. He's wheezing, isn't he?"
+Kutner, Yeah.
+House, You can't wheeze without moving your chest muscles. This isn't TPP.
+Kutner, Then what is it?
+House, Well how am I supposed to know? I'm not there! [Hangs up the phone.]
+Taub," Right heart strain, he's still not oxygenating."
+Kutner, It must be a pulmonary embolism. [Cuddy walks in with House.]
+House, So why haven't you pushed a vial of tPA?
+Kutner, You let him back in?
+Cuddy, I asked him back in.
+House, At the tail end of me Patiently explaining how you idiots were idiots.
+Thirteen, We pushed tPA ten minutes ago.
+House, That means it's not a clot.
+Taub," It has to be a clot. If he had a bagel stuck in his windpipe, I'd have seen it on the echo."
+Foreman, Get him to the OR to suck it out.
+House, Must have just screwed up the intubation. [Checks the tube.] Seal's good.
+Taub," It's a clot, House. [They start moving him out.]"
+House," Wait, wait. [They stop.] Look at his teeth. He's got shiny new caps. He's had recent dental surgery."
+Cuddy, You can tell us what that means while we're rolling him to the OR.
+Thirteen, House!
+Cuddy, House!
+House, House! [Turns around and sees Thirteen standing there.] Oh. [To Thirteen] Get a syringe.
+Cuddy, [Yelling through the glass.] I didn't bring you back here so you could stage a coup! [Kutner tries to open the door but it doesn't budge. Thirteen goes to remove the crutch.]
+House," Listen to me. [She stops.] Dental air drill pushed an air bubble into his gums. Dislodged while he was driving, and caused a myoclonic jerk. That's what I must have seen. Then it hit his spine, his liver, and now his lungs. [Moves the pillows from his head and sticks them under his feet.]"
+Cuddy," [Knocks on the glass.] Dr. Hadley, open the door. (Transcribers note: We have a name! From here on out I will be referring to Thirteen as Hadley.)"
+House," I'm not plumping his pillows here. I'm putting him in the Trendelenburg position to move the bubble to the apex of his heart so you can suck it out, now get the damn syringe."
+Cuddy, I can't risk you stabbing him in the heart looking for an unconfirmed air bubble.
+House, Stab him.
+Cuddy, [Bangs on the glass again.] Dr. Hadley!
+House, See? She doesn't Even know your name. [Yells.] Stab his heart! [MaParknes start beeping.]
+HADLEY, [Looks at the screen.] Sat's at 75.
+House," Yes, he's suffocating."
+HADLEY," If you're wrong ""�"
+House," Shut up and make a decision. You keep standing there, he's dead either way."
+Cuddy, Dr. Hadley!
+HADLEY, [To Cuddy] I'm sorry.
+Cuddy, Open that door. [Hadley stabs his heart just as they finally Manage to get the door open.]
+House, [Holds up his hands.] Don't shoot!
+Cuddy, Get him to the OR.
+HADLEY, The O2 sats. [MaParknes stop beeping.] There was an air bubble. He's okay.
+House, The other nurse always used to tuck me in.
+Cuddy, I'll be on the couch. With a shotgun in my lap.
+House, Worrying about me?
+Cuddy, Making sure you don't try and make a limp for the border. Get some sleep. [Turns out the light.]
+House," I'm not sleepy, Mummy."
+MYSTERY Woman, [Takes the blanket off and sits up.] Me neither.
+House, Who are you? And why are you stalking me?
+MYSTERY Woman," Technically, you're stalking me. [She plays with her necklace.]"
+House, [Looks at her necklace which is a yellow orangey colour with something in it.] What is that? Mosquito?
+MYSTERY Woman, Maybe just a fly.
+House, In the ointment. So there's something wrong. There's some detail I'm not noticing that's spoiling the big picture.
+House, Is this significant? Or is this dream just going in a different direction now?
+MYSTERY Woman, I guess that depends. [Still brushing House's hand against her cheek.] What are you going to do with that?
+House, [House looks his hand which has a red ribbon in it.] I have to tie this around you. [Ties it around her leg.]
+MYSTERY Woman, I'm cold.
+House, Stay with me. Why did I say that? [Blood starts to ooze onto the ribbon.]
+House, Hey.
+Cuddy, Go away.
+House, It's not over. [She turns around and looks at him.] I saved the wrong person. [She sits up.]
+House," This wasn't just a dream or a fantasy, or a drug-induced trip to Wonderland."
+Cuddy, So the bus driver with the air bubble was just a coincidence?
+House, Nope. I got the causation flipped. The bubble didn't cause the crash. The crash caused the bubble to dislodge. There was no myoclonic jerk. I saw something else in someone else.
+Cuddy, You're not leaving. [House walks over to the closet and pulls out a blood pressure arm band and puts it around his arm and starts pumping.]
+House, What's the most dangerous thing a Patient could do when his brain is on the brink of herniating?
+Cuddy," Elevated heart rate, BP... Which is exactly why you need to stop. [House grabs her hand and sticks it on his neck so she can check his heart rate.]"
+House," Instead of sleeping, I'm going to be pacing around this apartment trying to decipher those visions."
+Cuddy, Why does this matter so much?
+House, I don't know. Heart rate?
+Cuddy,127
+House, BP? [She walks away and grabs a stethoscope.] Contextual memory. I need to get back on that bus with all 31 passengers to remember who and what I saw.
+Cuddy, I'm not going to call in crash victims because you've gone insane.
+House, Maybe I don't need the actual victims.
+House," Who's playing Anne McKeehan? [Cameron raises her hand.] Right here. Jane Doe #2 from Princeton General. [Hadley.] Right here. You two, that's right. Goth kid. [Points to where to sit, Kutner sits there.] Yeah. [Foreman walks up to House.] At the back on the right. [Foreman sits.] Yeah. Here. [Everyone is now in their places.] Okay..."
+Chase, You think that staring at pictures on our shirts is going to be more effective than hypnosis?
+House," Well, if only you'd stop talking, the re-enactment could stimulate activity in my hippocampus and parahippocampal cortex."
+Cameron, How long do we have to sit here before you are stimulated? [House gets a small flashback of the Woman Cameron was portraying on the bus.]
+ANN, Stop staring at my breasts. And don't say or lack thereof. [Back to present.]
+Cameron, [Stands up.] Are you okay? [House stares into space.] What'd you see?
+House, It just slipped away. [Takes some pills.]
+Cuddy, Is that Vicodin?
+House, Nope. Just a little memory pick-me-up.
+Cameron, [Takes them out of his hands and looks at the label.] It's physostigmine.
+Cuddy, Are you crazy? Alzheimer's drugs will make your brain go into overdrive.
+House, That's the point. It'll speed up my neuronal firing. Turn up the voltage on my memory.
+Wilson, And blow out your heart. How Many did you take?
+House, Just now? Or including the ones I took on the ride over?
+Cuddy," House, this isn't worth ""�"
+MYSTERY Woman, House.
+House, [Looks to his right and sees the mystery Woman sitting facing him. She is wearing a red scarf now.] Why are you here?
+MYSTERY Woman, You beliEve in reason above all else. There must be a reason.
+House, You have something to tell me.
+MYSTERY Woman, Yes. Who am I?
+House," That's asking, not telling. Who are you?"
+MYSTERY Woman, You know who I am.
+House," If I did, I'd be passed out in bed instead of OD'ing on physostigmine on the 6th Street cross-town."
+MYSTERY Woman, What's my necklace made of?
+House, [Looks down at the necklace.] Resin.
+MYSTERY Woman, Who am I?
+House, I don't know. Why the guessing game?
+MYSTERY Woman, Because you don't know the answer.
+House," And if I don't, you don't. But you know the clues."
+MYSTERY Woman, I know what's bugging your subconscious. What's my necklace made of?
+House," [Looks at the necklace again, realises and whispers.] No."
+MYSTERY Woman, Who am I?
+House, [Shakes his head.] Doesn't make sense.
+MYSTERY Woman, What's my necklace made of?
+House, Amber.
+House, I have to tie this around you. [Removes the red scarf from around her neck and uses it as a tourniquet around her right leg.]
+Amber, I'm cold.
+House, Stay with me. Just stay with me.
+PARAMEDIC," Sir, are you all right? Are you all right? Are you injured anywhere? [House shows his hands to the paramedic which have some blood on them, he wipes it off and then points to where House can receive more treatment.] They'll take care of you over there. [House limps away in the direction of the strip club. As House walks we see a black and white flash of Cuddy kissing someone and then a fist pounding something. And then we see it again, then we just hear the pounding, House looks up to the sky, and it cuts back to the present.]"
+Cuddy, He's coming out of it.
+Kutner, [Feels House's neck as House is still trying to catch his breath.] Strong pulse.
+Cuddy, You idiot! Your heart stopped.
+House, Amber.
+Wilson, What?
+House," Amber. It was Amber. [Tries to sit up, Cuddy helps his head onto her lap.] She was on the bus."
+Wilson," You almost kill yourself, and all we're getting is drug-induced fantasies."
+House, Have you spoken to her?
+Wilson, She's pRobably working. She's... She's been on call. [Looks at his watch.] I called her... [Starts to realise.] She didn't call... I... I... How could she...
+House, I don't know... Jane Doe #2.
+HADLEY," [Realises what he wants, grabs the file and starts reading from it.] Female. Late twenties. Kidney damage. Does Amber have a birthmark on her right shoulder blade? [Looks at Wilson. Wilson turns and looks at House.]"
+House, She was on the bus with me. She's the one who's dying.
+Wilson, [vo] Previously on House.
+House, [vo] I don't know how I got here. I saw a symptom before the crash.
+House, Why was I taking the bus?
+Kutner, [vo] Medical hypnosis can...
+Kutner, [vo] ... bring the brain to a class two theta state.
+Wilson, Taxing an already injured brain.
+House, Someone is dying because I can't remember.
+House, [vo] It was Amber.
+House, She was on the bus with me. She's the one who's dying.
+ATTENDING DOCTOR, Her heart won't stop racing. No idea what's causing it.
+House, Sure it wasn't the bus that landed on her?
+ATTENDING DOCTOR, It's not trauma. She was stable post-op. This didn't start until an hour ago.
+Wilson," [barely audible] Oh, my God."
+House, Delayed reaction to the trauma. She lost both her kidneys in the bus crash. She ripped up her femoral artery.
+ATTENDING DOCTOR," We fixed the artery, got her on dialysis for the kidneys. WhatEver's doing this to her heart, it isn't from the crash."
+House, Check her potassium?
+ATTENDING DOCTOR, Of course.
+Wilson, [to the attending] Why didn't you call me?
+ATTENDING DOCTOR, She's been under the whole time. She had no ID.
+House, Pushed adenosine?
+ATTENDING DOCTOR," And verapamil, and floated the swan an hour ago."
+House, Coronary angiography?
+ATTENDING DOCTOR, Three critical Patients ahead of her. We'll have her in within the hour.
+House, We're fifteen minutes away from Princeton Plainsboro by ambulance.
+ATTENDING DOCTOR, You wanna move her? Her heart rate is a hundred and thirty.
+House, She's hemodynamically stable. We're moving her.
+ATTENDING DOCTOR, You're not her doctor. You can't make that decision.
+House, [looking towards Wilson] Her husband can.
+House, [loudly for Wilson to play along] Right?
+Wilson, Move her.
+House, If the trauma didn't damage her heart...
+Wilson, [still grief-stricken] Why was she on the bus?
+House," I don't know. If she had any underlying condition, the accident could have exacerbated it."
+Wilson, Why were you with her?
+House, [shouts] I don't know! I'm not hiding anything. I just don't remember. What else could damage her heart?
+House," Wilson, don't get lost! I'm barely coherent. I need your help right now."
+House, V-fib!
+House, Charging.
+Wilson, Okay. Okay.
+House, Clear.
+Wilson," Wait, wait, wait! Protective hypothermia."
+House, You wanna freeze her? Her heart's not beating.
+Wilson," Her heart's already damaged. If you restart it, it'll keep racing, shoot off free radicals, and kill her brain. We ice her down, put her on bypass until you've diagnosed her."
+House, This is not a solution. All you're doing is pressing pause.
+Wilson," It gives you more time to find a diagnosis. House, this is Amber!"
+Wilson, [begging] Please.
+House, Cold saline solution.
+Chase, Cool temperature down to ninety.
+Chase, Bypass circulating.
+Chase, [nods] She's stable.
+Foreman, Why are we doing this?
+House, Bought us time to think.
+House, The trauma must have stimulated a pre-existing heart condition.
+Taub," Autoimmune congenital anomaly, blood clotting disorder, lead poisoning..."
+House," [gives her a healthy dose of frustrated sarcasm] Great! Let's explore that. Quick, get her on panacea."
+Kutner, We can narrow it down by looking for arterial blockages.
+Foreman, How? On an echo? Can't see wall motion when there's no motion.
+Foreman," EKG, nope. Heart's in the off position. Thallium uptake scan? Useless on a cold heart."
+House," [berating] Yeah, we get it. Her heart's not beating. It's gonna make it harder to diagnose. On the other hand, she's not gonna die while you're whining about it. What else?"
+Kutner," There is another way to narrow it down. If you really did see a symptom in Amber before the crash, physostigmine helped your memory last time."
+Taub, Why not cyanide? He's a mess. He needs to sleep.
+House," [to Kutner] I had a heart attack this morning. Can't do any more drugs till lunch. Get her an angiogram. Could show damage Even in a stopped heart. Rest of you search her apartment. Toxins, heavy metals, drugs, anything that might make her heart race."
+Taub, I need to know if there's anything medically relevant that you couldn't share publicly.
+House, [looks around in mock-concern] Is this a Philanderers Anonymous intervention?
+Taub, You were obviously drinking last night. Maybe you took Amber to a bar.
+House, I left here on my motorcycle alone.
+Taub, You ended up drunk on a bus together. Maybe you met Amber in the bar.
+House, [gets a file out of the drawer] I was not having an affair with her.
+Taub, You can't really say that if you don't remember.
+House," I lost four hours, not four months."
+Taub, Maybe it was the first time.
+Taub," If you drank together, any chance you did any drugs?"
+Taub, [quietly] I'll run a tox screen.
+Kutner, You comin'?
+Kutner," Correspondence, letters to Patients, she could have caught something from one of them."
+Kutner, Travel. Do you know if she's been out of the country recently?
+Kutner, It's just video clips. Maybe she narrates where they are.
+Wilson, [vo] And... action.
+Kutner, Looks like she didn't travel very far.
+Wilson, You look beautiful.
+Amber, You look nervous.
+Wilson, [laughs nervously] I've nEver done this before.
+Amber, I have. Trust me. You'll love it.
+Kutner, Hey.
+Kutner," As long as we don't know what's wrong, we don't know what's relevant."
+Kutner, Are you okay?
+Kutner, I'm gonna search her bathroom.
+Amber, [vo] Are you okay?
+House," Can't really say ""yes"" when it's a hallucination asking."
+Amber," Don't worry, you're just dreaming."
+House, What symptom did I see in you? A myoclonic jerk...
+Amber, Boring.
+House, An incredibly rare neurological symptom is boring? Am I in someone else's subconscious?
+Amber, [slowly] What did we do last night?
+House, Was I meeting you for a drink?
+Amber," Is that all it was? A Man thinks a Woman is beautiful, admires her intelligence, admires the way she has to get whatEver she wants, the things he likes about himself."
+Amber," [talks slowly as she slowly eases into his lap] Maybe she always had a little thing for him. His mind. His blue eyes. But someone gets between them. So, they decide to meet one night at an out-of-the-way little bar. Does that sound familiar?"
+Amber, Do I feel familiar? What do you feel? [breathes into his ear] Electricity.
+House, Electricity.
+House, I know I saw the symptom. I know the memory's locked in my brain. Now I know how to get it.
+Cuddy, [simply] No.
+House, [frowns] You don't Even know what I'm talking about.
+Cuddy, You need to rest. I have yet to hear about any study linking electricity and rest.
+House, Deep brain stimulation. It's been proven. Electrical impulses applied directly to the hypothalamus could evoke detailed memories.
+Cuddy," My mistake, drilling a hole and shooting lightning bolts into an already-cracked skull is very restful, it's not fatal at all."
+Wilson, [sighs weakly] She's right. You need to sleep.
+Cuddy, Brain activity spiked.
+Wilson, [perking up a little] Amber. Amber. It's me.
+House, [dismissive] Random spikes are common.
+Cuddy," [softly, rebuking] Shut up."
+Wilson, [quietly] It's gonna be okay. I'm here with you.
+House, The team has found something. Can you ask her if we can be excused?
+House, What?
+Foreman, Coronary angio was negative.
+Taub, So was the tox screen.
+Wilson, That's what you found? Negative tests? I could have told you she doesn't do drugs.
+Kutner," [hands the bottle to House] We found these in her apartment. [to Wilson] Sorry. Prescription diet pills. SSRIs, amphetamines."
+Taub," Diet pills cause structural damage to the mitral valve, could explain the tachycardia."
+Wilson, Sh-she'd have to be an addict to take enough for it to damage her heart. I'd know.
+House, Did you know that she was hiding them in her vitamins?
+Foreman, We have to warm her back up. Get her heart beating so we can do a CT to confirm.
+Wilson," No, we've been over this. Starting her heart could cause brain damage, could burn out the heart muscle."
+House," [thinks] Test her heart without starting it. Crack her chest open, reach a finger inside the pulmonary vein, run it across the valve."
+Foreman, That's the safer course?
+House, It is if we're wrong.
+Foreman, When did we start assuming we're wrong?
+Foreman, If this were any other Patient...
+House," If the valve is calcified, that's our answer. That's our cure. Go."
+House," ""Thirteen"". Who found the diet pills?"
+House," You didn't Even go in the bathroom, did you? You're suddenly mute in the differentials. A blow-up doll would be more useful. And yes, that's the first time I've Ever implied something negative about a blow-up doll."
+House," [interrupts] Normally, I'd be fascinated. Today, don't care. Get over whatEver it is and do your job."
+Chase, Wait. Look at her eye.
+Taub, She's jaundiced.
+Kutner, Her liver's not working.
+Chase, Diet pills don't kill the liver.
+Chase, Put her back in ICU.
+Foreman," [vo] Liver failure means whatEver this thing is, it's spreading, despite the fact that she's frozen."
+Foreman," We can stick a needle in her liver. If we see fibrosis, she's right."
+House, Does Amber drink sherry?
+Taub," And the cardio fits just as well. But there's no way we can tell, since we can't take her temperature."
+House," I had a dream. She was pouring me a glass. And since I'm a scotch-, beer-, gin-, and rum-Man..."
+Taub," [still ignoring] If we warm her back up, we should be able to tell if she's got an infection."
+Wilson," [frustrated] Yes, we can get a diagnosis by letting the disease run rampant until it kills her. If it's spreading, we need to slow this Even more. We've gotta cool her down further."
+Taub," I know you love her and, uh, you're scared she's gonna die. But just making her colder and colder isn't a cure. It's not dealing with the reality."
+House, Sherry means something.
+Wilson, [decides to humour him] Amber doesn't Even drink sherry. House. Can we get back...?
+House," If she did drink sherry, it would mean nothing. Since she doesn't, my subconscious is obviously trying to make some other point."
+Kutner, There's a Sharrie's Bar on Third right off the bus route.
+ [ECU," A coaster with ""Sharrie's Bar (Estd. 1954)"". A glass of scotch is placed on it, by the Bartender.]"
+House, [getting up] Wilson's right. We need to make her colder.
+Taub, Putting more ice on her is just delaying the diagnosis.
+House," [getting his coat] Not on, in. Fill in her lungs with slurry."
+Kutner, Where are you going?
+House, Taking Wilson out for a drink.
+Wilson, Is this the place?
+House, [looks around] Maybe.
+Bartender, [vo] Hey.
+Bartender, I assume you are here...
+Bartender, ... for these.
+House, Did you see me here with a-a tall blonde Woman?
+Bartender," Yeah, I think she joined you after scotch number sEven."
+House, Did she seem sick?
+Bartender, She sneezed. I gave her a napkin.
+House, Did you see the color of the sputum?
+Bartender," I assume sputum means snot. Look, I see a lot of drunk Parkcks in here. I didn't have time to stop and analyze the color of your girlfriend's boogers."
+House," [looking at Wilson, then back at the Bartender, venomously] She's not my girlfriend, genius."
+Bartender," She was hot, you seemed into her, and she bought you drinks."
+Bartender," Last night, she was your girlfriend."
+House, [to Wilson] Blood in the sputum could mean parasites. Any recent travel?
+Wilson, You seemed into her?
+House," [points his cane at the Bartender] If he had a brain, he wouldn't be tending bar."
+House, Sneezing's a new symptom. Let's assume the runny nose means an infection.
+Kutner, What did House have to say?
+Kutner, Ooh. Not that one. The slurry tube.
+Kutner, [sighs] I know this is different. But it's not. Everyone dies.
+Kutner, You're reacting this way because she might be... soon.
+Kutner," I'm an Indian guy named ""Kutner"". Ever wonder what happened to my parents?"
+Kutner," I was six years old. I used to like helping out in my parents' store after school. Guy walks in to Rob the place. Ends up shooting them both. Wasn't fair. Took years, but I had to accept that's just the way it was. [beat] So you gonna help me fill her lungs up or not?"
+House," Tell me that the liver biopsy showed infiltrates, minor inflammation."
+Taub, Yeah. How...?
+House," Snot on a napkin. Add the heart, infiltrates..."
+Foreman, [understands] Hep B.
+House, Start her on IV interferon. I'll go tell Wilson.
+Foreman," Good idea. And I'll go nap because I was concussed last night and had a heart attack this morning. I'll tell Wilson, you go sleep."
+Amber, Hepatitis B is a lame diagnosis.
+House," [whining] Oh, God. I get less rest when I'm asleep."
+Amber," I rise from the dead, and that's the reaction I get?"
+House," I'm sorry. If I had known, I would have started a breakaway Jewish sect. Hep B fits."
+House, Why are you doing that?
+Amber, Because Hep B doesn't fit.
+House, Turn her over.
+Taub, We're about to start a second course of interferon.
+House, Which she might not need once you turn her over. Small of her back.
+Taub, She's bruised. Why is that significant?
+House, Look closer.
+Foreman, A rash. How'd you know what was on the small of her back?
+House," Either I'm still asleep, or I'm starting to remember."
+Taub, Looks like an influenza rash.
+Foreman, The flu wouldn't be killing her organs one by one.
+Kutner, Dermatomyositis.
+House, Wouldn't speed up her heart.
+House," Yes, the symptom that I saw on the bus was a rare interferon allergy that flares up two days before you take it."
+Wilson, [in disbelief] How did you see the rash down there?
+House, I don't know. Maybe she leaned over.
+Foreman, Maybe it's not a rash at all. It could be an abscess.
+House," ""Thirteen"", stick a needle in there. If there's pus, Foreman's right."
+House," I'm not asking you to stick a needle all the way through. Taub, you do it."
+House," [yelling] No, apparently, you can't!"
+Taub, It's not fluctuant.
+Taub, Clear. It's not pus.
+Foreman, Means it's vesicular. Rocky Mountain Spotted FEver.
+Wilson, We had dinner with a friend last week. We walked their dogs. I guess she could've gotten a tick.
+Foreman, It's treatable. Doxycycline.
+House," Allow eight hours for the antibiotics to take effect, then we warm her up, shock her heart."
+Wilson," [stepping forward] Wait a minute, wait a minute! If we're wrong, restarting her heart could kill her. Run blood cultures first."
+Foreman," The fastest way to test is to treat. If we're wrong, still should give us time to try something else."
+Wilson, [firmly] We are not starting her heart until we're one hundred percent certain.
+Foreman, [retorts] We're nEver one hundred percent certain.
+House," Run the blood cultures. After we get confirmation, then we'll restart her heart."
+Foreman, [arguing] He's wrong. And you know he's wrong. You can't change your mind just because a family member starts crying. They're always scared.
+House," [politely, yet sternly] I said, run the blood cultures."
+House, Sorry. Wide stance.
+House, Why are you screwing up?
+House, Did you hate her?
+House," 'S not guilt. That just leaves fear. Young Woman dying. Young doctor dying, in fact. That sound familiar?"
+House, By not getting tested? Dealing with it by not dealing with it. It's clearly working beautifully.
+House, My grandson gave me a mug that says that. Okay. Enough hand-holding. Deal with it. Get back in there. Or pack up your stuff.
+CUE MUSIC," ""Teardrop"" � Jose Gonzalez"
+Foreman, House is gonna kill the Patient.
+Wilson, What are you... what are you doing?
+Wilson, She's up to eighty degrees!
+Cuddy, We're gonna restart her heart.
+Wilson," No, you're not! There's still time to undo this, cool her back down."
+Foreman, You weren't taking the safe approach.
+Foreman, We've gotta know if the antibiotics are working.
+Wilson, Her EEG's slowed.
+Wilson, Amber. Amber.
+Wilson," Well done. We still don't know what it is, but you just let it spread to her brain!"
+Wilson," [vo, mad] This is exactly what I said would happen! It's in her brain now!"
+Cuddy, [vo] Brain involvement gives us a new symptom.
+Wilson, That wouldn't be there if you hadn't...
+Cuddy, It's where the disease was going. We needed to know that.
+Wilson, [yelling] This was not your decision to make! You went behind my back. You went behind House's back.
+House, [to himself] Inside voices.
+Cuddy, House wanted to warm her up. You just guilted him into changing his mind.
+Cuddy," Heart, liver, rash, and now her brain."
+House," Autoimmune fits best. Crash trauma could've set it off. Start her on prednisone, then we'll warm her up again. [sits]"
+Wilson," House, if this is some other infection, the steroids will trash her immune system."
+Cuddy, [softly] He's the attending. You're the family. Go spend more time with the Patient.
+Wilson, [shaking his head] You can't do this.
+House, That's not a good argument. It's not an argument at all. I'm sorry.
+Wilson," [struggling to remain calm] Cuddy's right. I was afraid to do anything. I thought if Everything just stopped, it would be okay."
+House, And it's gonna be. Taub's starting the treatment. We're doing Everything...
+Wilson, Not Everything. Before you warm her up... You said you wanted to try deep brain stimulation.
+House," But there's no reason. We know the symptom, we know what I saw."
+Wilson, What if it's not the rash? What if you noticed the rash in the ambulance or when we were putting her on bypass? What if there is still something else stuck inside your head?
+House, You think I should risk my life to save Amber's.
+Chase, Inserting the IPG pRobe into your ventral hypothalamus. [to Wilson] Give me three volts.
+House, [vo] Can't hear him.
+Wilson, [co] Can't hear who?
+House, Everything's in black and white.
+Wilson, Who was talking? Is Amber there?
+House," [to Chase] You're supposed to be jolting my hypothalamus, not petting it."
+Chase, We don't want to overload it.
+House," As long as I'm risking my life, I might as well be watParkng a talkie."
+Wilson, Increasing from three to five volts. Sending impulse.
+Bartender, You're not getting them back.
+House," Hey! You take my keys, you gotta give me a phone call."
+Wilson, Who are you calling?
+House, Dial-A-Wilson.
+Wilson, I was on call.
+Wilson, Amber was home.
+House, I told her to find you. Have you pick me up.
+House, [rolls his eyes] I said to find Wilson.
+Amber, He's working. And I'm willing to suffer this indignity on his behalf.
+Wilson, [vo] Does she seem sick?
+House, [shakes her head] Not yet.
+Amber, C'mon. Time to go.
+House, Whoa. [calls the Bartender] Need another round! And a drink for... what passes for a lady around here? [to Amber] What's your poison?
+Amber, Nothing. [to the Bartender] We're leaving.
+House," [imitating her] We're leaving, leaving, leaving, leaving... [remembers] Cosmos. I remember Wilson buying cranberry juice. [to the Bartender] I'll have another. And she'll have a Cosmopolitan."
+Amber, The obstinate drunk thing is not flattering. C'mon. You called for a ride.
+House," Drink your drink, or I'll drink 'em both."
+Amber, One. [picks up her Cosmo] And you leave voluntarily.
+Amber, Let's go.
+House, [to the Bartender] Hey! We need another Cosmo here.
+House, She sneezed.
+Wilson, What color is it?
+Amber, Thanks.
+House, Looks like snot. Seems like a cold.
+Wilson, Nothing else?
+House, [softly] No.
+Wilson, Where are you going?
+House, Think I paid?
+Amber," House, what are you doing? You can barely walk."
+House, Go home. I'll take the bus.
+Foreman," Hey, someone's gotta pay for this."
+House, Hi.
+Amber, You forgot something.
+House," You don't give up, do you?"
+Amber," Yeah, I'm an idiot that way."
+House, You doing this for me or for Wilson?
+Amber, For Wilson.
+House," [jerks a nod] Well, then it's Even more impressive. [holds out an imaginary glass] Salut."
+Amber," Ugh, damn, do you have a Kleenex?"
+House," I got a sleEve. I got two, actually."
+Amber, I need more than that. I'm getting that nasty flu.
+Wilson, Is that it? The flu? Is there any rare complication?
+House," [shakes his head] No. It would explain the rash, but nothing else. [looks downward] Unless..."
+Wilson, What?
+House, [softly] Don't do it.
+House, It wasn't the flu. It's what she did for it. She has aMantadine poisoning.
+Wilson," The crash destroyed her kidneys. Her body couldn't filter the drugs. She ODs on aMantadine. Explains the heart, the liver. [cheering up] We just need to start her on dialysis and flush the drugs out."
+Wilson, What? What's wrong?
+House, AMantadine binds with proteins. Dialysis can't clear it out of the blood.
+House, There's nothing we can do.
+House," [to Wilson, morosely] I'm so sorry."
+Wilson, Amber.
+House, [eyes growing wide] Amber.
+Chase," Seizing. Wilson, I need help here!"
+Foreman," House suffered a complex partial seizure. The violent shaking widened his skull fracture, causing a brain bleed."
+Foreman, [vo] We won't know if there's any cognitive impairment until he's out of the coma.
+Foreman, [vo] He was right about the aMantadine. Amber's body couldn't filter it out. That's what caused her heart to beat too fast for too long.
+Foreman, [vo] It caused irreparable structural damage. Didn't matter if they shocked her or froze her.
+Foreman, [vo] Her heart was dead once it stopped in that ambulance.
+Kutner, [sadly] What about a new heart? Transplant?
+Foreman, [quietly] All of her organs are damaged. She can't qualify.
+Foreman, There's nothing we can do. Nothing we could have done.
+Wilson, [choking] We should call time of death.
+Cuddy," Technically, she's still alive. Could pRobably survive a few more hours on bypass. We could wean her off anesthesia, wake her up, give you a chance to..."
+Wilson, It would be cruel. Don't... [can't finish]
+Cuddy, Wake Amber up. See her again. Tell her what she means to you.
+Wilson, Wake her up to tell her that she's... that she's...
+Cuddy, You are waking her up so that you can both say good-bye to each other. She would want it.
+Wilson, [gently] Hey.
+Amber, [softly] Hey.
+Wilson, You're in the hospital.
+Amber, I'm on bypass.
+Wilson, Yeah. Do you remember what happened?
+Amber, Got on the bus.
+Amber, [choking] I shouldn't have gotten on the bus.
+Wilson," No. No, it's not your fault. It's not your fault."
+Amber, How bad?
+Wilson, [deep breath] You had tachycardia. It's compliCated by complete renal failure. The tachycardia degenerated into V-fib... followed by hepatic failure.
+Amber, The flu pills?
+Wilson," [nods, fighting tears] Yeah."
+Amber, [sobs] I'm dead.
+Wilson, [unable to ] I love you.
+Amber, [barely audible as she cries] I love you too.
+Taub, She didn't Even like us.
+Kutner, We liked her.
+Taub, Did we?
+Foreman, We do now.
+Taub, [shrugs] What do we say?
+Kutner, We don't need to say anything.
+CUE MUSIC," ""Re: Stacks"" � Bon Iver"
+Amber, [softly] I'm tired.
+Amber, I think it's time to go to sleep.
+Wilson, Just a little longer.
+Amber, We are always gonna want just a little longer.
+Wilson, I don't think I can do it. [sobs]
+Amber, It's okay.
+Wilson, It's not okay. Why is it okay with you? Why aren't you angry?
+Amber, [shakes her head] That's... not... the last feeling I want to experience.
+CUE MUSIC," ""Light for the Deadvine"" - People in Planes"
+Cuddy, [hands Taub a clipboard] I think he's stable.
+Taub, Still non-responsive.
+House, You're dead.
+Amber, Everybody dies.
+House, Am I dead?
+Amber, Not yet.
+House, Should be.
+Amber, Why?
+House," Because life shouldn't be random. Because lonely, misanthropic drug addicts should die in bus crashes, and young do-gooders in love, who get dragged out of their apartment in the middle of the night, should walk away clean."
+Amber, Self-pity isn't like you.
+House," [shrugs] No, well, I'm branParkng out from self-loathing and self-destruction. [beat] Wilson is gonna hate me."
+Amber, [playfully] You kind of deserve it.
+House, He's my best friend.
+Amber, I know.
+Amber," [leans close to House, whispers] What now?"
+House, I could stay here with you.
+Amber, [softly] Get off the bus.
+House, I can't.
+Amber, Why not?
+House," Because... [beat, smirks sadly] because it doesn't hurt here. I let it... I don't wanna be in pain. I don't wanna be miserable. And I don't want him to hate me."
+Amber," Well, you can't always get what you want."
+CUE MUSIC," ""Passing Afternoon"" - Iron and Wine"
+Cuddy," Hey, I'm here. Blink if you can hear me."
+Cuddy," No, shh, don't try to talk. Just rest."