TurtleLiu/counselbot_for_mistral huggingface dataset:
I'm addicted to smoking. How can I stop? 
  Hi. Good for you in planning ahead to do what's healthiest for your baby (and yourself). That's a great first step! It's also good that you are able to identify that it's not always a physical need that's driving the addiction.For the next steps, I would suggest trying to figure out when the psychological cravings for a cigarette occur. The psychological (or mental) cravings are usually based out of habit, such as having a cigarette after a meal. And if you're consciously trying to quit, you'll find the craving starts with simply thinking about having a cigarette, then usually moves on to thinking about how good it made you feel, etc., etc. Well, if I'm on a diet and I continue to let myself think about the ice cream sitting in the freezer, eventually I'll give in and eat it.You're going to have thoughts about smoking a cigarette. That's normal and, for the most part, out of your control. But you choose whether or not to CONTINUE thinking and dwelling about it after that initial thought. That's what you would have to work on changing. When you have that initial thought, acknowledge it ("Ok, I kind of want a cigarette now."), but then change the thoughts that typically follow. Distract yourself, think about something else, do something else, whatever it takes to get your mind off of that cigarette.I've suggested to clients before that they should plan these scenarios out ahead of time so they already know what they're going to do when the time comes. Write down when you usually have the craving for a cigarette and then write down new thoughts or things to do to get your mind off of it. Eventually, it will become easier and easier to brush off that initial thought until you no longer have it.Best of luck, and you have a really great motivator to quit - your baby!
Keeping secrets from my family 
  It sounds like keeping the secrets has become a problem for you now. There are several things to consider before you make a decision.- You mentioned that you don't want your wife and mom to know because you don't want to hurt them – why would it hurt them??- Is it necessary for them to know this information?- What are the consequences of either telling them the truth or not telling them? (for you and for your wife and mom).- Once you have considered these, think of what you would tell your friend if they were in your exact situation?- Also, if your wife or mom were in your situation right now, what do you think they would do themselves?- If your wife and mom were in this situation, how would you feel? Would you want to know the secrets?- How has keeping these secrets affected your own mental and physical health?Once you have looked at the problem from all angles, you will be able to better make a decision on whether it is right to tell them or not.
The Underlying Causes of Being Possessive 
  Hi there. It's great you are able to realize there are other issues going on with someone who feels possessive. At the root of it is fear. Fear of losing someone, fear of being alone, fear of not being good enough. All those fears can lead to low self-esteem and feeling like you have to control other people so you don't lose them. The thing is, controlling other people only pushes them away. Vicious circle, right??What I would suggest is some cognitive therapy to change those underlying ways of thinking. You can start with this assignment. Write down all the things you think about yourself, positive and not-so-positive. Then rewrite those not-so-positive things so they are positive. For example, thinking something like, "I'm too pushy", can be rewritten as, "I'm assertive and I go after what I want." It can be hard to do since we tend to get "stuck" in our negative ways of thinking about ourselves. If you have someone you trust, you can ask for their help as well since most likely they see you differently than you see yourself.Finding a good cognitive therapist can help you further, but if that's not an option for you right now, there are lots of self-help books and websites that are out there. You've already taken the first step, so keep moving forward.
Can I control anxiety without medication? 
  You didn't say what or how many medications you've tried. Certain anxiety medications can make you feel nauseous, but I haven't heard of any that cause mouth blisters, so there may be some other underlying medical issue there. I would definitely talk to your primary care physician and whoever has prescribed the medication as well as a neurologist if you've suffered a severe head injury. There are so many medications available for anxiety or insomnia or even depression that there may be others with lesser side effects.But beyond that, have you tried any other treatments such as deep breathing or meditation? Meditation can be very effective, but it takes practice and you don't have to sit cross-legged for hours chanting "Ohm" to meditate. It's about focusing on your breath, rather than all the thoughts that are racing through your head. And when they do take your mind off your breath, simply refocus (and refocus and refocus). Like I said, it takes practice, so don't give up. You can find many sites offering different ways to meditate, so look around and see what works best for you. Like medication, you just have to find the one that works best and that might take some experimentation.I hope this helps and best of luck to you.
How do I break an unhealthy relationship pattern? 
  It is a good thing that you have recognized that you have been in some unhealthy relationships and that you are wanting to break this pattern.  You seem to have some good insight into the situation.The type of behavior that you are describing is usually rooted in childhood issues with insecure attachment bonds with your caregivers, childhood trauma and/or abuse or neglect, or dysfunctional family issues that did not allow you to develop healthy boundaries for yourself or a sense of self.  This is something that is going to take some time to work through in therapy.  I recommend a book titled Boundaries: Where you end and I begin by Anne Katherine.  Another book that might be helpful is Codependent No More by Melody Beattie.?In the meantime, until you can work through your personal issues, absolutely do not enter into another relationship.  Take however long you need to and work on becoming a whole, happy, emotionally healthy person on your own.  Needing another person to define you is problematic.  Thats too much to expect from any individual.For a relationship to be healthy and happy, both people in the relationship first need to be a whole person on their own.  That means having a clear sense of self, knowing who you are and what you want, knowing how to set healthy boundaries, and knowing how to meet your own needs.  It is unreasonable to expect your partner to meet all of your needs all of the time.  There will be times that they wont be able to meet your needs.  You have to know how to meet those yourself.?When you are working on becoming the best you that you can be, eventually the right person will come into your life.  Then you can CHOOSE to be with someone because you want them in your life instead of feeling like you NEED them to complete you.
I have anger issues. I am extremely explosive about the simplest things 
  I suggest that you work on emotional awareness.?Emotional awareness basically means knowing what you are feeling and why.Emotional awareness also means that you can identify the link between the way you are feeling and your actions. In other words knowing that your feelings dictate what you do.Often feelings of hurt or insecurity can come out as anger if we cannot properly identify and express the feelings.Being emotionally aware also means that you are able to express your feelings to others.  Being unable to do so leads to feelings of frustration and being misunderstood.Many people for many different reasons are not in touch with their emotions.  For example, men traditionally have been brought up taught to not express sadness or weakness.  Therefore, many men learned to turn feelings of sadness, insecurities, or fears into anger and express these feelings as anger.  Being taught not to feel a certain emotion does not make that emotion disappear.  Instead it makes us learn how to express it in other, incorrect, ways.  If a man never learns to say I am sad or that really hurt my feelings and instead lashes out in anger, then the response they get from those around them will be to the anger and not a response to the underlying true feeling, which will leave the man feeling alone and misunderstood.You can control yourself and not explode.  Walk away, remove yourself from the situation, do whatever you have to do to not lash out.  Instead of reacting the way you normally would, go somewhere by yourself and think about what just happened and try to understand why such a simple thing upset you.  What is the real feeling driving these outbursts?  Maybe you can begin to recognize an underlying pattern.?It might help to keep an anger journal.  Write down everything that gets you upset.  That might help you see a pattern and pinpoint what may be setting you off.  Talking with a therapist about this would be beneficial in helping pinpoint the underlying cause of the outbursts you are experience.?
I’ve suffered from insomnia and nightmares for about 3 years 
  First of all, exercise is always beneficial for your physical and emotional health. That's great that you have added this in your routine. Have you also considered altering your diet? Certain foods are linked with poor sleep. For example, alcohol, caffeine, nicotine and high fat content foods do not bode well with quality sleep, especially right before bed time.??On the other hand, warm milk and foods high in carbohydrates have actually shown to positively impact sleep.Additionally, at bed time it's important to keep your room dim, cool and without distractions (i.e. TV, IPad, Phone). Stick to a sleep routine and avoid any activities close to bed time that demand a lot of attention and energy.As far as your nightmares, there could be many causes contributing to them. Certain foods (many of the ones mentioned) or medications could be the culprit. Doing a bit of research into the ones you are consuming may help you eliminate the offender.?You may also benefit from talk therapy with a qualified therapist to discuss any underlying issues you are experiencing. Oftentimes, depression and anxiety can manifest themselves during sleep, causing nightmares.?Finally, Yoga has shown to be very beneficial for quality sleep. There are many instructional videos available that can introduce you to the practice if you'd rather not join a class right away.?Best of luck to you and I sincerely hope you are able to catch up on some well deserved Z's!
Unethical Therapy Practices 
  I will admit I am confused about this question.  Are you the other parent in question or a concerned coworker of this therapist??Therapists do not prescribe or have access to medication.  Most therapists won't even get involved in a custody battle.  They know there is a good chance of their records ending up in court and that they themselves will have to testify in court.  Of course, therapists are human and can make mistakes, but I find it highly unlikely that a therapist would knowingly and willingly do something like this that is such a major ethical violation.  Not only are they losing their license to practice by doing this, they are going to face criminal charges and jail time.  If their clinical judgment is that the other parent is a danger to the child, they don't have to resort to illegal means to try to prove this.?If you have concrete proof that this has happened then there is a process in which you can file a report against the therapist with their licensure board.  Every therapist is licensed in their state.  There are different types of licensures so you would need to know this therapist's licensure.Most accusations from the other parent are expected in a custody situation because people do tend to get quite ugly.  Don't accuse the therapist or the parent of anything just to try to make yourself look better and them look bad.  Have evidence of wrongdoing before accusing them of this.  If this has really happened then of course it needs to be reported, but don't try to ruin someone's career unless you are sure this occurred.
My friends accusing me of having problems 
  It sounds like your confused as to why your friends would be calling you a hypocrite when they act in the same manner, correct? Communication is key to any relationship. I would recommend speaking with your friends face-to-face to address why they feel your behavior is concerning.?In-person contact is the best method of sorting out differences considering texts, emails or any written response can be misconstrued. Be upfront with them and let them know that being accused of hypocrisy is hurtful and you feel it is unfounded. If after speaking with them you feel that they have valid reasons for the way they are feeling, maybe you can consider modifying your behavior accordingly. Especially if this friendship is valuable to you. However, make sure they are aware that there is a respectful way to address these issues and name calling is not one of them.?On the other hand, if you feel that their reasons are indeed unfounded, it may be best to distance yourself from the relationship. Not all friendships are healthy ones. And it is important that you surround yourself with people who are an asset to your self esteem as opposed to those that hinder it.I hope you are able to get this matter sorted. Best of luck!
About a year ago I found out my husband had cheated on me. 
  First of all, my heart goes out to you. Infidelity is an extremely challenging obstacle to overcome. There are some things that you should consider. First of all, did he seem truly remorseful? If you felt in his heart that he was truly sorry for what he had done, it will give you a piece of mind that it was a? mistake.?Secondly, was he forthcoming with this information? How about with answering your questions after the truth was uncovered? If you found that he was still lying or not forthcoming, the sting is even more painful. He should be able to answer any question you have honestly and without hesitation.Thirdly, has he shown a positive difference after this experience? At this time, he should still be proving his faithfulness to the marriage, you and the children.Keep in mind that experiencing infidelity is a form of grief. It is not a quick process that can easily be overcome. What you are experiencing is 100% normal.?My best suggestion would be to see a marriage therapist. Find out what drove your husband to cheat in the first place and decide if this aspect in his life has been resolved. I know its important for you to keep your family together but children can sense anger and frustration, this is not a healthy environment either. If you decide that you can no longer remain in the relationship, a therapist will also be able to help you cope with the separation along with addressing your children's needs.Please know that you are not alone and that unfortunately, many relationships have endured this very thing. It may also be helpful to reach out to people who have experienced similar obstacles. The web is a great resource to find groups whether online or in person to use as a support or sounding board.Best of luck to you and your family!
Sleeping, Anger and Anxiety 
  It sounds as if you may be experiencing a bout of anxiety and/or depression. Sleeping difficulties, irritability and anxiety attacks all are correlated with these mood disorders. And its actually quite common for someone to deal encounter this during their lifetime.?Also, keep in mind that just because you are experiencing this now does not mean that you will be dealing with it the rest of your life. Many times, it can be a single episode and if treatment is received, you can help prevent any recurrent episodes.However, you may want to first talk with your primary physician to rule out any medical issues that could be causing these problems. There may be a reason for the sudden onset of these symptoms that can be addressed quickly.?On the other hand, if it is determined that you are experiencing anxiety and/or depression without a medical reason, there are two methods that are very helpful in your treatment:#1 Talk therapy with a certified therapistHe/She will be able to address the concerns youre experiencing and discovering if there is an underlying issue that may be causing it.#2 MedicationThere are many medications that can assist you with the feelings that you are experiencing. Your doctor will be able to help you find the right one that works for you. If one doesnt work, keep trying. There are many different options to address your specific needs.Also, a combination of these two options is extremely beneficial!Thank you for your question. I sincerely hope that you feel better soon!
I'm losing my husband because my lack of sex drive 
  Im sorry to hear about your current situation. My heart goes out to you during this time.First of all, it is of vital importance that you discuss your symptoms with your doctor. Regardless of whether you are able to mend your relationship with your husband, you need to address the physical issues you are experiencing. More than likely he/she will be able to help you relieve some of these symptoms.Secondly, you must be upfront and honest with your husband. Intimacy is a large part of a relationship and it is unfair to your husband that you did not disclose how you were feeling. I think he would appreciate knowing that it was your medical problems causing the lack of sexual desire as opposed to the reason being him.If you explain to him that you are addressing your sexual issues with your doctor in order to enhance your relationship, he may be more willing to see that you are serious in wanting to mend the relationship.?The conversation will be hard to explain to your doctor and your husband since it is of such a personal nature but it will be extremely beneficial. And please note that the reason for the feelings you were experiencing (or lack thereof), was not your fault.Best of luck to you and your husband!
Sleeping, Anger and Anxiety 
  Hi there. I have to commend you on reaching out to get some answers on why you are feeling the way that you are feeling. A lot of people secretly go about their lives every day feeling this way because they are too afraid of what the answer might be.First off, what stressors do you have in your life right now? Financial, relationship and unemployment are all common stressors for people. They can often make it difficult for us to sleep at night due to the constant racing thoughts and wonders of how you will deal with it all.?Secondly, do you have a history of depression or does depression run in your family? Some of the symptoms listed here in this question (i.e. trouble sleeping, constant fatigue, too much sleep, anger & anxiety) are all common symptoms of depression. Often times, these symptoms can be overlooked and mistaken for "just being tired."?Furthermore, it's important to ask yourself, if you are feeling worthless, problems with concentration and recurrent thoughts of death. If you are having these symptoms, please seek help IMMEDIATELY.?Lastly, considering your stated symptoms I would recommend reaching out to your Doctor for further consult. It's always better to be safe and the earlier you catch the symptoms the faster you will get to feeling better!  do Some helpful tips for the your Doctor would be to monitor your sleep habits (i.e. how much or little are you sleeping), make a list of your triggers for your anger outbursts as well as your triggers for your anxiety attacks.?I hope this was helpful and the best of luck to you.
I need help of letting go of a man who hurt me but it’s so hard. How do I do it? 
  It is incredibly hard to let go of a relationship that was meaningful in your life. Even though you consider the relationship to be a hurtful one, Im sure there are some aspects about it that are hard to let go of (i.e. time invested, mutual friends, positive memories, etc). So it is very understandable why its hard for you.?However, the most important piece here is that you know that this relationship is harmful. That is great that you have recognized this. Unfortunately, some men and women do not realize the damaging and hurtful situation that that they are really in.Keep in mind that the longer you stay in this relationship, the longer it will be until you find the RIGHT person. You are doing this to better yourself and your future. Look at it this way, being in a destructive relationship is comparable to an illness or disease. You are simply, taking the correct measures to rid you of this sickness and to get well.It may also help to write down a list of negative aspects of the relationship and keep it close if times arise when you begin to question yourself or start to miss this person. Constant reminders of why you ended the relationship will be helpful to keep you on right track and in the right mind setting.It will be difficult, but its doable. Give your chance to start on your deserved happiness now.Best of luck!
My parents are threatening to get rid of the only things I still care about 
  It sounds to me like you have had a lot going on and now you are afraid you are going to lose the last things you care about, your pets.  I do not know what all is going on in your family, and I cannot answer for your dads actions or his reasoning behind this.I would recommend that you focus on developing healthy coping skills.  We cannot change what others do but we can change how what they do affects us.  If you have all of your emotions and all of yourself tied up into one thing (like your pets) then when that thing is taken away it causes a lot of emotional distress.  It is really good to have a wide variety of interests such as friends, hobbies, games, etc.  Develop other things that you care about and are passionate about.Another reason for developing healthy coping skills to deal with whatever might be going on in your life is if you dont have healthy ones, you may develop some very unhealthy ones.  You have to cope somehow, right?  Developing unhealthy ways of coping with life is only going to make life more difficult for you.I dont know if this is what it is like for you at your house, but there are two kinds of household environments that can cause dysfunction in children. One is when you grow up in a very rigid stern household where all decisions are made for you and you feel like you have no control over anything. The other is a household where things were chaotic and you never knew what was going to happen next and had no stability. People need to have some stability in their lives and need to feel in control over some things in order to feel safe.  Both of these environments can lead you to develop some unhealthy ways of coping with life.  Please talk to a trusted adult about your feelings before it gets any worse.