TurtleLiu/counselbot_for_mistral huggingface dataset:
My girlfriend broke up with me but I want her back.  What do I do? 
  I am sorry to hear of these troubles.  I see a few issues here.  I wonder why you were both trying to get pregnant when the relationship seemed troubled?  Some people think that they can fix a broken relationship by getting pregnant, and all this does is bring up more problems.You say you never treated her badly, and I believe you.  People in a relationship can still be unhappy even when there is no abuse or mistreatment going on.  In fact, giving too much of yourself to the relationship and not having a self outside of this relationship can be unhealthy.  It takes two whole, healthy, happy people who are that way when they are single to come together to make a whole, healthy, happy couple in a relationship.  Expecting your partner to meet all your needs or to provide your happiness is not going to work.There are two books that I recommend you buy and read.  One is Codependent No More.  The other is Can My Relationship Be Saved?Sometimes when you cling and try even harder to hold onto someone, it makes you both miserable.  You cannot change her and cannot change her mind.  Sometimes the best thing is to let go.  If it is meant to be, you will end up back together again.  It seems like this is something that she needs to decide since she is the one that keeps doing the leaving.  I suggest backing off and letting her go.  Maybe she needs time to clear her head and make up her mind.  If it is meant to be, she will come back. If not, use this time to work on being a healthy happy you on your own.
I endured sexual and physical abuse by my brother as child 
  I will assume that for whatever reason, you either do not want to or are not able to seek counseling for this.  However, I highly urge you to do so because long-term childhood abuse does have negative consequences for your life as an adult, as it seems you are already aware.?There are confidential and free crisis hotlines that you can call that deal with sexual abuse.  Some/most also offer free counseling services in local areas.  That would be a good place to start looking, especially if cost of counseling is an issue.The important thing to know is that what happened was not your fault and that you deserve to live a happy life free of the past.  Having anger and trust issues after something like this is a perfectly normal reaction to what happened to you.  Angry?  Yes! At your brother for what he did, at your parents for not protecting you.  Having trouble trusting?  Of course!  The very people who were supposed to love and protect you hurt you instead. Two books that might help you are Codependent No More and Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin.
How can I get people to listen? 
  Hi there. Being 15 years old can be a very difficult time in your teenage life. I remember when I was 15 and how I often felt my parents werent listening to me. Its even more difficult when you feel that you do not have a friend that you can confide in.?Having depression in the past and being able to get through it shows me that you can get through anything! Depression alone is a very difficult problem to work through. In addition to the communication problem with your parents, it appears that you are also struggling with stress and anxiety. We all have stress and anxiety in our lives. If we didnt, none of us would be living. Anxiety & stress keep us on our toes! Often, I have to remind myself of this as well. However, it is how we manage stress and anxiety, so it will not overcome our lives.?Are you familiar with relaxation techniques, such as: deep breathing exercises, meditation or yoga? Relaxation Techniques can help you tremendously in reducing your stress and anxiety.?Deep breathing exercises are helpful when you are on the go, such as school, shopping, out with friends or whatever extracurricular activities you engage in.  Most people do not take full advantage of their lung capacity. I know, that sounds silly. But, its true. You would be surprised how much air you lungs can hold. Imagine being in the Doctors office and taking deep breaths. This is what you want to do when you are feeling overwhelmed and/or stressed. Take a moment to take in at least 10 deep breaths and let them out slowly. You will be surprised how well you feel afterwards.?Meditation and Yoga are also healthy forms to working through stress and anxiety. You will need a quiet place for your meditation. You want to be in the moment and take in the peace and serenity. All it takes is a quiet place, closing your eyes and thinking of your happy place. Some people use meditation music as well. If you have access to this type of music and or the internet for more ways to practice meditation, please go for it!?Yoga on the other hand will take a little more work and practice. I would not suggest you learning this on your own, if you have never attempted yoga before. Find an experienced Yoga instructor to teach you the ropes and/or ask your school counselor about the possibility of getting someone to come to the school to teach the students.?Lastly, in regards to your parents it is very important to be able to have a relationship where you feel comfortable communicating. I would recommend writing a letter to them, if you are unable to express how you feel in person. A letter is more intimate and requires a little more effort on their end. If they are open on working on this relationship, maybe suggest family counseling to fully work on this issue.?I hope this was helpful for you and I wish you the best!?
Dealing with an unfaithful and judgmental significant other 
  I don't think youve lost something, I think youve found something - your breaking point, and it's about time. Your boyfriend seems to be a very selfish and immature man who reconnects with you when it's convenient for him. Obviously, he has his own issues, but I want to address yours. I agree you need to talk to someone. The fact that youve put up with his repeated cheating and then letting him blame you for it (by saying you're not affectionate enough, etc.), tells me you probably have low self-esteem and have likely told yourself over the years that you don't deserve any better. You do! You may truly love this guy, but based on his behaviors, he does not love you, not in the way you deserve. ?And although you may want to believe he can change, he has proved over and over again that he's not willing to, so you need to do what is best for you and your children. What would you tell your daughters if someone was treating them this way? Would you want your sons to treat women this way? That's what you're teaching your children when they see this.Like I said, I agree that you should talk to someone. You can ask your boyfriend to go too, but my guess is he won't. Even if he does, you should still see someone individually to work on YOU. I understand it's not easy to just kick him out, especially since you have children together, but a counselor can help you talk through all the details while?helping you raise your self-esteem and self-worth.
How can I control my sexual urges? 
  Anything can become an addiction.? Eating, gambling, shopping, sex, even exercising.? It sounds like this has become a behavioral addiction for you.? A therapist can help you identify the underlying reasons and help you learn to control the urges and develop healthier coping skills.?People turn to an activity that makes them feel better when something is bothering them emotionally or mentally.? Anything can become a problem if you overuse it.? This is why it is important to have a healthy balance of activities in your life; more than one thing that you can turn to in order to help you cope.? Addictions are formed when we turn to the same thing over and over again.? Sex is a very powerful addiction for some people.? It makes us feel good.? We get pleasure from it.?I had a client that turned to eating as her addiction.? The advice I gave her applies to your situation as well.? Eating is something that we have to do and that an addict cannot cold turkey and walk away from.? My client could not tell when she felt the urge to eat if it was because she was hungry or because she was upset about something and was subconsciously turning to food to make her feel better.? Her body was telling her brain that she needed to eat.? I asked her to first STOP and THINK when she felt the urge to eat.? Look at the clock and mark the time.? Tell herself that in one hour if she was still hungry then she could eat, but that she needed to find something else to occupy her mind and her time until the hour had passed.? She tried this for a week.She said it worked.? She would get busy reading a book, watching TV, or would go for a walk around her neighborhood for exercise and these activities would take her mind off things and the hour would pass and she wouldnt even notice the time.? What this did for her was stop an unhealthy behavior and replace it with some healthier activities.? She had to learn to first recognize when she was feeling the urge, and then to come up with other activities to do instead.?You can do this with your urges.? Having sexual gratification as your one go to method to cope is causing you distress.? Make a list of other activities that you like and that you can engage in, and when you feel the sexual urge, make yourself do another activity for an hour to get your mind off of it.? It may take a few tries to find an activity that will hold your attention.? A habit that has developed over time is not going to be so easy to break.Please go to a medical doctor and get evaluated as well.? They can do lab work and check your hormone levels.? If needed, medication can help.? After being cleared medically, counseling can help you.? You stated that you have a disability that makes it impossible.? A therapist can help you explore the feelings that you are experiencing due to the inability to have sex.? This is a grief/loss issue in the same way that someone who had lost the ability to walk might be grieving over his mobility.? Something that you used to be able to do, now you cannot.? It is expected that you might have some feelings of anger or sadness about this.?
How do I deal with my son's violent thoughts and dreams? 
  Let me start my stating this is important to take seriously - taking to his PCP, getting a referral to a pediatric specialist, and getting him to a relational psychotherapist would be my first tasks.?I wont label this occurrences as "normal" yet it is important to note these things do occur. My first observation is to say that it is a tremendous advantage that your son is communicating what he is experiencing. I'd encourage him to continue to do so, no matter the extent of his thoughts - his trust of you being able the handle his experience is of utmost importance. His containment and sense of security is also dependent on your reaction to what he shares. Seek professional help, communicating your support, including a plan of action, and reassuring him you will figure this out together will help you as you begin.?
I'm experiencing panic attacks when I'm physically separated from my girlfriend 
  Im sorry to hear that you are currently experiencing panic attacks. I hope that the medication you have been prescribed has provided you with some relief. Unfortunately, I dont feel that moving in with your girlfriend would alleviate your anxiety. Although you may feel very anxious about leaving her, your body is reacting to this stressful event in your life in an unhealthy manner. You may be able to render this particular situation but its likely that you may experience another panic attack when an additional stressful event arises.?Therefore, it is essential that you address the reason for why you are experiencing panic attacks in the first place followed by practicing coping mechanisms in the case that one would arise in the future.Talk therapy has shown to be effective with those affected by anxiety along with breathing exercises and yoga. A trained therapist will be able to assist you in finding the right stress reducing method so that you can reduce the chance of another attack occurring.I wish you the best of luck! It sounds like you are very happy in your relationship and I hope you are able to reduce your anxiety so that you are able to enjoy one another.
How can I see my base doctor without my ID? 
  Do you have any other form of identification? The first place to stop would be the Visitors Center or whichever department issues passes. They are located outside of the gate so you do not need a military ID to enter. If you have another form of identification its possible that they can give you a pass in order to go and obtain a new military ID.?If you do not, you could always ask someone else to sponsor you on (a friend, coworker, etc.) that have military access. Depending on the threat level, they may not need your ID as long as you are with someone that has access. Keep in mind that currently (6/11/15) all military bases are on Bravo which unfortunately means you will need your own ID.Finally, if all else fails, call your doctor and explain your situation. Im sure they would be more than willing to discuss your options.Also, its important to make sure that you report your wallet being stolen if you havent already. Security Forces on base can help you with this and to ensure your ID doesnt get into the wrong hands.?Good luck!
When should I give up on a relationship? 
  There are plenty of red flags that you have been presented with:Several breakups?Not holding up his end of the bargain regarding workLack of empathy for your miscarriageLying about his involvement with another womanPhysical violence, which is of most concern.?This seems to be a very unhealthy relationship. In my experience, relationships such as these rarely become positive ones. Violence is never okay and regardless of his reasoning (you looking through his phone), it is indefensible. You have to look at these red flags and ask yourself, Is this really someone I want to marry? Is he an asset to my life? I think youll realize he is not.Best of luck to you and please know that you deserve someone who treats you with kindness, dignity and respect.
How do I cope and rebuild my life after ending an 11 year abusive marriage? 
  I am very sorry to hear of your struggles.  I think that it is normal to struggle to get your feet under you again after a divorce, especially after leaving a relationship that lasted 11 years, so try not to be too hard on yourself.  Take it one day at a time and do the best you can.I notice that you said he left you.  This tells me that you didnt have the strength to leave him on your own despite the fact that you say he was emotionally and mentally abusive and also cheating on you.  Low self-esteem can keep someone in a bad relationship because they think they cant do any better.  Also, abusers will make you think that they are the best thing you can get.  The way I see it, he did you a favor.   You are now free to make your own life whatever you want it to be.?Take this time alone to work on you.  As hurtful as it may be that other people dont want to help you, this is something that you need to do for yourself without feeling like you need someone in your life to take care of you.  Your statement I dont feel like I exist anymore tells me that in addition to low self-esteem, you also dont have a clear sense of identify and rely on the people in your life to help define who you are.  People can and will let you down.  It is important for you to learn to handle disappointment, learn to take care of your own needs, and to gain a stronger sense of self.?Do nice things for yourself every day because you deserve it.  Even if it is just to soak a little longer in a hot bubble bath, do something that makes you feel good.  Find a hobby that you enjoy.  Look in the mirror and tell yourself some positive affirmations daily.  Google positive affirmations to find some that resonate with you.  Such statements might be I am a good person who deserves to be happy or I can do this.  Some relaxation and meditation exercises may help you as well.  There are some free meditation exercises that you can find online by doing a simple Google search.Take this time to focus on you and try not to worry about what everyone else in your life is doing.  When you are a happier, more stable person, the right people will come into your life without you even looking for them.  Good luck with rebuilding your life.  I know it is hard!  Remember to take it one day at a time.
I'm going through depression right now and my relationship is suffering 
  Hi there. Thank you reaching out for help. It takes a lot of courage for someone that is being abused to reach out for help. I want you to know that I am here to help you in any way that I can.?First and foremost, you did not mention whether or not you had children yourself by this man. Im going to assume there are. So, the most important thing right at this moment is asking yourself, if you and your children are safe? Is the boyfriend currently living in the home or is he coming and going? If he is coming and going or currently living in the home, my suggestion for you to is to pack a bag for you and your children and go somewhere safe (i.e. family members home, friend or a shelter temporarily). I cannot stress this enough. Although, some people tend to minimize their abusers behavior (i.e. they only do it when they are drinking, they only do it when they are mad), its those individuals that find themselves or their children in a serious situation. So, you can never take abuse (physical or mental) lightly because you never know what is going through that persons mind at that particular time. Its always better to be safe than sorry.?Secondly, it will not be safe, helpful or productive to attempt to talk to the abuser about your relationship. Abusers often times try and manipulate you into staying by apologizing or attempting to justify their behaviors. This is the time you would want to go see a magistrate in order to get a protective order for you and your children.Its unfortunate that your significant other was involved with another women causing pregnancy; however, that is no longer your concern. Your concern at this point is keeping yourself and your children safe. I would also suggest counseling for you and your children in order to work through these issues. I hope this was helpful and please stay safe and take care of yourself.?
How can I let go of my dream wedding? 
  It's hard to let go of the dreams you had regarding your wedding and engagement. This was something that you and most women think about for years, so it's understandable to be disappointed. But please be aware that it is rare that any wedding is perfect. You may envy your friends' weddings but more than likely they had a few mishaps of their own and/or it wasn't as perfect as they had planned it either.?However, like you know, the marriage is the most important thing.  How many women are envious that you are in a happy, stable relationship? I assure you that there are plenty.?Try to live in the present considering that dwelling on the past can still not change how you were proposed to or how your wedding day transpired. Focus on what you can control NOW. Perhaps, you can plan an extravagant renewal of your vows or change the look of your ring?I would also be upfront with your husband and explain why you've been short lately. But after that, close that chapter and move on. It sounds like you have a wonderful companion and you certainly don't want to lose this due to a situation that is impossible to change.
How do I stop grieving my mother’s death? 
  I am sorry that you lost your mother. That is a really hard thing for someone to go through.There is really no set time for grief to be over, but I agree that if it has been three years and you are still crying every day then this is past the time for normal grief.  I do not know how old you are and if you are in school or have a job, but I would imagine that if by now you literally were doing nothing but crying every day all day, someone would have noticed and would have gotten you some help.  For one thing, bills have to be paid.There are typically five stages of grief and they can come in any order.  You can go back to another stage that you previously experienced. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance are the stages.?At first, people are usually in denial over the fact that they lose someone or are losing someone.  This may mean that you deny they are ill or deny that they have actually died.Then comes bargaining, in which you may beg God that if you can only have this person back then you will do whatever.?Depression is when the reality has settled in and when we cry and really feel the loss.  It sounds like you are stuck in this phase.Finally, acceptance is when we accept that it has happened and we pick up the pieces of our life and move on.When we lose someone we never forget them.  We may always have certain days that are tough, such as holidays or any special remembrance of your loved one.  But we do get to the place where we accept that death is part of life and that it is inevitable, and that life goes on.A therapist can help you explore the reasons for your extended grief and can help you with coping skills to better deal with it.  One suggestion I have is not to try to run from the sad feelings, dont try to not feel them.  Embrace the feelings.  Let the feelings wash over you and accept them.  Trying not to feel something is not going to help.  Sadness is a part of life and needs to be felt just like happiness does.  Unpleasant feelings are not to be avoided.I am sincerely sorry that you lost your mother and that you have had such a hard time of it for three years now.  You deserve to be happy and to live a full life.  I am sure your mother would not want you being sad for so long.  I wish you all the best as you continue to try to heal from this loss and deal with your grief.
Where does a child go for help? 
  I think it would be wise for you to call a hotline especially designed for children. It's called the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline. The number is 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453).?It is completely anonymous and a trained therapist will be able to provide you with guidance, confidentiality, and can also help you make a report of you want.The call is completely free and they are open 24 hours a day / 7 days a week.?I'm glad that you are taking steps to improve your situation. You are a very brave and an intelligent child.?Please remember to call 911 if you are in immediate danger.
How do I fix my marriage? 
  Chances are, if you really think about it, there were signs that something wasnt quite right in your marriage. You may have passed these things off as being the normal ups and downs of a marriage, but whatever it was (or wasn't), it's obviously bothering your wife. I would say yes, keep trying to fight for your family, at least until you know what the problems are from your wife's perspective and if they're repairable. Ask your wife if shes willing to try to work on the marriage and then see a marriage counselor. Just be sure youre open to hearing what's said and try not to get defensive if she blames you for some things.Even if your wife is adamant about getting a divorce, that doesn't mean youre divorcing your daughter and you should make sure she knows that. Continue to be a part of her life. And although it may be difficult, if a divorce does happen, try to be as amicable as possible with your wife so your daughter isn't further impacted by this new family dynamic.