TurtleLiu/counselbot_for_mistral huggingface dataset:
My ex-boyfriend and I broke up about 3 months ago and now he wants me back 
  Finding the right person is a tricky thing to do. Why did you and your ex break up 3 months ago? In relationships with others you get to see a reflection of yourself.  Sometimes you may enjoy that reflection, other times it may not feel so good. I'm not sure where you are in your life and relationships and what you do from here depends on what you desire more of in your life. But I'm not simply talking in the moment desire, I'm referring to the direction you want your life to go. If one of these guys was to support you...who would help you reach your dreams? And who would you enjoy spending time with? It's complicated and no one can answer the 'what to do' question but you.  Slow down. Tune into your heart. Listen. ?
I cheated on my husband with one of his good friends a few years ago 
  The issue at hand here is that you're betrayal broke his trust. In order to repair your relationship you will both need to?confront the infidelity. And both of you will need to honor yourselves by communicating your feelings and ensuring that those feelings are heard and validated. It would be really helpful to do this work with a Gottman or Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist. Gottman's The Science of Trust and What Makes Love Last would both be helpful reference books to guide you along.?
I have come to the realization that my boyfriend and I want different things 
  Sounds like your panic is less about loosing the relationship you are in (which by the way doesn't sound like it's meeting YOUR need for connection) and more about being alone. Being with him is serving you, even if the relationship is less than ideal, from being alone. Being alone can be scary. You'd have to face yourself. You'd have to learn to love and care for and cherish yourself. All important skills and tasks in maturing and growing up, but scary none the less. What if...What if you gave yourself permission to be in a relationship with YOU?
Should I be concerned that my boyfriend will not introduce me to a female friend 
  Would you have the same desire to meet this friend if she were a he? If you are concerned that their friendship is a substitute for you when you aren't present,?talk to him. It sounds like you are concerned that he is building an emotional intimacy with her and spending time doing the sort of things with her that you'd otherwise be doing with him. Help him understand why this bothers you but try to also be open to allowing him to make friends. Is the issue that he hasn't introduced you? Is there another reason you don't trust their friendship??
I feel like I could never be with anyone because no one would want me 
  What would make you feel no one wants to be with you?
What do you do if your partner isn't satisfying your needs sexually? 
  Depends: ?What do would you like to see happen?
Am I unworthy of being in a meaningful relationship? 
  The most crucial key to any relationship is that mutual feeling you hold between you both: that you matter.  Sounds like you are stuck in a cycle of hearing your ex say you don't matter. That's why it didn't work with him btw. He wasn't reflecting to you that you mattered. However it ended, clearly though that's the sentiment that's lingering with you.  So here you are hanging around a new man why is telling you the same message. Move on. You aren't unworthy, you just haven't found a man who is worthy of you!?To be worthy of you, he must see your worth. Often though before anyone else can see your worth, you have to believe it. ?
How do I communicate with my boyfriend of ten years without him feeling like I'm attacking him? 
  To follow please find some tips on getting your message across to each other, which will help you both stay emotionally connected in a healthy respectful way!Step 1: Start with I...+ feeling (For example, I feel angry because...)Step 2: About what... (Not describing your partner but the situation.)Step 3: What needed...(How partner make it better) We want to be soft on the person but hard on the issue. Directing the complaint towards the situation rather than your partner always works.It isimportant for us to be soft on the person, but tough on the issue.And at the end, say what can be done to make things right.I am wishing you and your boyfriend the very best.
I am fearful of social situations and avoiding people all together 
  A good first step would be to make an appointment with your primary care provider & discuss your concerns. ?They would have resources available to help in your particular situation.
How can I train myself to stop eating when I'm full? 
  I would recommend removing yourself from the environment you are in after you have finished eating. A simple walk around the block, calling up a friend and going to visit, or even going to another room in the house can help. If you find that you truly have no self control over food, I recommend attending Overeaters Anonymous; a 12 step group for those with compulsive issues related to food. I hope this helps.?
What can I communicate with a person who is sensitive to negativity in a disagreement? 
  With any type of criticism, it is usually best to introduce the topic at a neutral time, ie: when both of you are relaxed, with no current stressors involved, having fun, etc. ?Begin with a non-judgmental reflective comment about a recent bothersome event, as if it were just then crossing your mind (therefore not something you've been consumed with ruminating over - eases the impulse for him to dive straight into defense mode).Then share how you felt at the time of the event. ?Just say when.... I felt kind of hurt / shocked (or whatever the feeling was). ?PERIOD. ?THATS ALL YOU SHOULD SAY. ?Wait for him to respond to your matter-of-fact statement.No matter what his response is, stick to your same message - don't get overwhelmed by trying to rephrase or explain your view as that will likely set you up for continued arguing. ?You can even add, "I agree I could have misunderstood ?it (event).... I just know it made me feel uneasy."Here you give him little wiggle room for a debate.Good luck & I'd love to hear how it goes!
My new husband is constantly talking to himself. 
  A rare topic & likely extremely troublesome for you... I would need to have more background information on the two of you before beginning to offer any insight. Feel free to email me.I would also like to add that aside from the reality of whether or not these conversations are actually occurring, as your partner, he should be just as concerned about something that is disturbing you to this level. Partners need each others' trust and support, no matter who is right or wrong.
What is the proper procedure if your child's therapist is leaving the practice to work elsewhere? 
  When terminating employment, counselors need to make sure they don't abandon their clients.There are several ways a counselor can avoid abandoning a client. First, the counselor can refer the client to another clinician at the place of employment. Second, the counselor could refer the client to another clinician outside of the place of employment. Third, the counselor could continue to work with the client in the new place of employment.In the end, the best interest of the client should be the the basis for which option is selected.
Is it unethical to have a relationship with a fellow counselor? 
  Generally, the ethical codes only prohibit relationships with clients.There are however a few types of counselor-to-counselor relationships that are prohibited by the ethics codes. Such prohibited relationships include those between supervisors and supervisees; between professors and students; or any time the relationship might negatively impact your (or their) clients.Lastly, some workplaces have rules against dating coworkers. It would be a good idea to check if there is such a rule that applies to you.
Is work burnout a real condition? 
  It absolutely is a real thing. Work can take a significant toll on a person in many ways.There are several things you can do to manage burnout at work. Depending on your specific work environment, some of these might be more realistic than others.It may help to set firm boundaries between your work life and your personal life. Also, it often help s to create some variation in your work schedule or work tasks. At times, burnout can also stem from a lack of challenge at work.Feelings of being burned out by work might be a sign that it's time for a change.
There's this girl I've been dating for months 
  It can be really difficult when someone you care about doesn't feel the same about you. The most important thing to remember is that you can not make her feel a certain way. There is nothing you can do to force her to want to be in a relationship with you.In the end, if she "just wants to be friends" then she's probably not the right match for you.Remember, every relationship ends - until that last one that doesn't. And that is how it's supposed to be
I lied to my mom, then felt bad and told her the truth 
  It sounds like you've already learned that just being honest is often the best approach.What do you think about telling your mom how you're feeling? She might really appreciate it if you also let her know that regaining her trust is really important to you.
How do I communicate with my boyfriend of ten years without him feeling like I'm attacking him? 
  Such an awesome question! The research of Dr.John Gottmanshows that there are 4 negative communication patterns that many couples find themselves in that create conflict: criticism, defensiveness, contempt & stonewalling.Distilled down, what you can focus on doing is starting up your conversations gently, taking responsibility, talk about your needs rather and pay attention to your own need for self soothing.Watchthis brief videoto learn more.Having said that, this is stuff that some couples do naturally and that others need counseling to learn, and then there are also couples who, at no fault of their own, don't mesh. Often when our partner's feel attacked it's could be for one of a few reasons. 1) you are being mean 2) you triggered an old wound. Most of the time it's #2. As Dr. Gottman says, most couples disconnect because of 'mindlessness, not malice.' Learning how to tune into one another and get past your own stuffs, that's what forms the foundation for lasting relationships.
Any suggestions for erection problems? 
  When a doc blows you off it may be a signal that it is time to find a new one! ED can often be caused by health issues. If all physical possibilities are ruled out then it's time to look within and enlist the help of a sex therapist. Here's a good article for you to start with.
What do you do if your partner isn't satisfying your needs sexually? 
  Talking to your partner about what's off would be a good place to start, but sometimes that can be really hard to muster the courage to do alone. It may not feel emotionally safe to dive into. This is where couples, and even more specifically, sex therapy can be really helpful. Therapy with a qualified professional can help to hold a safe and supportive space for you and your partner to open and explore these dynamics. You can also pick up some amazing books like Passionate Marriagewhich could be what you need to get that conversation started.
I feel like I could never be with anyone because no one would want me 
  As a relationship therapist I work with a lot of people who feel similar feelings to some degree or another and almost always find that the origin of these feelings point back towards childhood.How did you caregivers express (or not express) love towards you? How did they express (or not express) love towards one another. These early messages become your template for how you have learned to see yourself and what you expect from others.In his bookWired for Love,Stan Tatkin, PsyD writesWe learn to love ourselves precisely because we have experienced being loved by someone. We learn to take care of ourselves because somebody has taken care of us. Our self worth and self-esteem also develop because of other people. This could be very fruitful to explore in individual therapy with a relationship therapist who really gets it, you may have to interview a few to find the right fit; that's OK. Maybe you'd even want to read that book I linked above. :) Noticing thispatternis HUGE, it's where transformation begins. And now that you have be kind with yourself, it begins there too.
I just found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me 
  Cheating is often a sign that something is amiss in the relationship. His fear may be full of information. While it's possible to repair relationships after a betrayal it's also challenging to do, especially so early in your relationship. I can't tell you if you should/shouldn't give this relationship a second chance but I will tell you to tune into your own intuition (and follow your own fears in doing so, they often are incredibly informative when we don't push them away with denial).
My new husband constantly talks to himself 
  Some people simply talk to themselves as a way of processing information. Have you checked in with your husband about this in a non-accusatory way? Something like "Hey babe (or whatever sweet name you typically use), I'm so curious what that's all about? Do you notice that you are talking out loud?" Chances are it's just how he thinks things through and is not at all about trying to make you crazy, it's just one of his quirks you'll grow to endear. Early married life is a time full of discovering one another's quirks!
I am in my mid-40s and am currently mending a broken heart over another failed relationship 
  Sounds like you already see what's amiss. You're looking for fix-er-uppers! When you meet these men they need you. And you're filled by fixing them. And when they are fixed, what do they have to give you? What's your need in relationship? What if you found someone who didn't need fixing?
My relationship feels off and I feel insecure 
  Grief has a huge impact on us and everyone's reaction is different. The one common reaction however is to shut down and distance ourselves. Her relationship with her grandmother was close, given she took care of her up until she passed. It sounds like she is working through a difficult loss and her ability to connect with you, or anyone else, is likely low right now. Trust what she is telling you and try to be there for her as she works through it. If she finds it too difficult to connect again, a good grief counselor can help her get back on track.
Is it possible to get PTSD from being very depressed? 
  In general, the answer is no. Depression can not not generally cause PTSD.Your question does make a lot of sense, though. Depression is a common symptom of PTSD.A counselor in your area should be able to help you what's going on - either feelings of depression, PTSD, or both.
How do I find happiness after my boyfriend passed away? 
  Grief is unpredictable and does not fit into rules and stereotypes. Everybody grieves differently, react in their own ways. There can be no expectations about how long, how hard, how easy it will be.Furthermore there is no way around it. No matter how much we may want to escape the pain and accelerate the process by doing all the 'right' things we have been told will help with our bereavement, there is only one way: through...The more we allow the pain to go through us, experience it, accept it, acknowledge it, make peace with it, the more we will heal.Grief comes in waves but can also feel like a rollercoaster. At first the waves feel like tsunamis, with time they become smaller and more spaced out. Yet every time they catch us by surprise. All the 'firsts without them' after a loved one has passed away, every anniversary, birthday, holiday, are all difficult times.You can not force grief to go away, to heal the wound faster than it needs to take. What you can do though is ride the wave. Go with the flow. Accept the pain. Express it. Talk to your loved one that has passed away. Express your emotions, every single one of them, both positive and negative. Write down in your journal. Take good care of your body, your nutrition, your rest. Grief is very taxing on the body too yet we disregard that.Read inspiring books, surround yourself with beauty and things that soothe your soul. Be brave and be open to the world out there, be vulnerable with pride. Try new things you never dared try before. Meet new people. Travel. Hang out with close friends. Ask for help when you need it. Be kind and gentle to yourself.The more you chase and wait for happiness, the more it will elude you. The more you stay bravely in your present and do the best you can, being loving to yourself, honest about your feelings and do not try to escape grief, the sooner it will loosen up it's claws and allow you to feel relief and finally heal.One thing is for certain, happiness will be there to it's appointment and it will be when you least expect it!Keep the faith and keep walking, nothing can remain the same forever. The only certainty is change!
How can I get clarity for myself and move on in a healthy manner? 
  It usually boils down to a lack of self esteem, self love and self acceptance. If for whatever reason the 'scripts' we have been told about ourselves from others, or what we have witnessed as children has become our beliefs about what to expect from life and others, have been negative, it is hard to imagine a different reality for ourselves.If what we have learned and observed in our close environment has not taught us and inspired a healthy self esteem, then we can not know what it is and how it feels like. It is as if we lack the language, the words to define it and the skills to practice it.Putting up with a loved one's drug addiction, their infidelity, lack of respect and esteem, verbal and physical abuse, tend to show and reflect the degree of our lack of self esteem, lack of sense of self worth, lack of belief that we are worth and deserve more from life.Separating was the first step towards reversing this negative situation. Spending time on your own and distancing yourself from your past experiences with him will give you a better and clearer perspective. The fact that you are asking yourself this question, shows that at some level you are aware that something is not quite right. It is just a matter of finding out exactly what it is, how you got where you are now and how to get where you want to get in your life in the future.Working with a therapist/counselor will help you understand the mechanisms and learn how to build a healthy sense of self esteem. Get a good sense of who you are and what you want. And finally design the right strategy and plan of action to achieve your goal, to move on in a healthy manner.You have made the first step, it is now a matter of being consistent in seeking help and doing the work until you achieve what you want. Become who you want to be and create the life you want for yourself.
My fiancé cheated. How can we mend our relationship? 
  My first question for you would be to see if you've talked with her about it yet? You mentioned you found out....and I know this can be so painful. It can also be frightening to bring up the experience when it hurts a lot, when you feel so unsettled as you mention. But you can look at this as a vital and important piece of information about what's happening in your relationship, and an invitation to get really honest and genuine with each other.You have a long history, being together 9 years, and a son, so you are very bonded no matter what changes happen in your relationship. It may be incredibly helpful to find a counselor you can both go talk with. Having a third party who is neutral and cares about your process and hers can be such a relief when you need to discuss things you feel scared about. Even just a few sessions can make a huge difference.If this doesn't feel possible for you right now.....ask your fiancee for time to set aside for a meaningful heart-to-heart talk. Say you'd like to set it up on the calendar, and make sure you have a babysitter for your son. Set aside at least 4 hours. Let her know that you'd like to hear her honest truth about what's going on, and share with her your truth as well. It's not a time for criticizing or condemning, and I don't sense that is your intention at all--you have a great deal of love for her. Speaking honestly and listening openly is an amazing gift, both for yourself and for your partner. You can do it.
My fiancé cheated. How can we mend our relationship? 
  Hello, I know this is a tough situation your going through and it has you questioning everything but one thing is certain, and that is that you still love her, dealing with the hurt can be very challenging but after learning from your mistake you changed and became more faithful and loving and the comfort knowing she forgave you, is what made you love her more and less likely to hurt her once again. You live and you learn, she will soon realize her mistake and her outtake may be the same yours was. But marriage is a special bond in front of God, which means once you are officially married, cheating and lieing to eachother will only lead to an early divorce. Practice in your pre-marriage state with speaking to her and opening up to eachother about what you feel and what you look forward to in this marriage. It's possible she's seeking something from someone else because she is not receiving it in her own relationship, improve, grow and be strong. Learn from your mistakes
My ex left without fully explaining but I feel broken and empty 
  Sounds like you need closure. I'm sure your doing your best to overcome this feeling but seem to be struggling with your own happiness. Trust God no one else. Give this some time and don't close yourself off to the world or the people who love you. Be open hearted and minded. And know that no matter what reason your ex walked out of your life, she missed out on how great of a person you truly are and may have had personal issues of her own.
My companion tells me he wants nothing to do with me 
  Your partners obviously very confused when it comes to love. Sometimes people shy away from good and positive relationships and companionship because their afraid. They know that it's something worth holding on to but most feel they can't handle it and can't meet up to their partners expectations. Your partner loves you but must have fear that keeps standing in his way. It could also mean their afraid of getting hurt or disapointed in the long run. Give your partner comfort and reassurance that they can come to you to confide in you about anything that may be bothering them.
Why am I dreaming so much? 
  That's adifficult questionto answer.Dreaming is a normal (and healthy) part of the sleep cycle. The current thought is that we all generallyexperience roughly the same number of dreams - the difference often is justwhether we remember the dreams or not.An increase in the number or frequency of distressing dreams(or nightmares) can be a symptom of stress, anxiety, or PTSD. If the dreams are disturbing to you, talking to a localcounselor could help.If the dreams themselvesare not troubling, you may just be remembering them more than most people do.