TurtleLiu/counselbot_for_mistral huggingface dataset:
What can I do to help my dad stop drinking? 
  More information would be needed for me to accurately answer this question, such as your age, whether you live with your dad or not, and what other family members live in the household.?Something like this, alcoholism, is a whole family disease.  In other words, family members often unknowingly contribute to the alcoholism and enable the alcoholic to continue the destructive behavior.First of all, you cant make your dad do anything, and constantly nagging him or begging him to stop is just going to make him defensive and make this worse.  Nobody can change another person.  What you can do is change how you react to him and the things that you and other family members do for him.?Research codependency.  Theres a great book called Codependent No More.  There are a lot of articles on the internet that you can read.  In short, you have to stop enabling him.  Like I said, you cannot control him, but you can control yourself.  This means do not buy his alcohol.  Do not make it easy for him to get.  Dont loan him the car keys or pay any household bills for him.  Dont call in sick to work for him or make excuses for him in any way.  Do not bail him out of jail when he gets arrested. He needs to be responsible for himself. This may mean losing his job or losing his drivers license. This may mean that he loses his family if he doesnt stop.?What you and your family can do is set boundaries about what you will put up with.  It is his choice to drink, but it is your choice to put up with the behaviors of his drinking.  A lot of people go into rehab because their spouse said if they dont then they are getting a divorce.If you are an adult and you dont live with your dad, then the best thing you can do for him is STOP doing things for him.  If you are a child who lives at home with him, then this could be a case for child protective services. In my state this is called DHS.  A report is made to this organization for child abuse or neglect.  Substance abuse in the home qualifies.  Of course, alcohol is legal and when consumed in moderation, there is no problems.  The problem will be the result of his alcohol consumption.  Does he drive with children in the car while intoxicated?  Is he left to care for minors while in an intoxicated state?  Are there any domestic violence issues due to his drinking?  This could be a reason for the authorities to step in.?You can look for a local meeting for family members of alcoholics.  They are similar to the AA meetings that an alcoholic should go to, but are for the family members.  They can help you.?
My son and family has different views about religion. How do I resolve these differences? 
  I think the best thing you can do is be respectful of each family member's wishes. Although everyone may not agree with one another, the most important thing you can do for each other is to respect their faith and beliefs instead of trying to sway them in a certain direction.?There are many families that are united despite their differences. For example, a mother may be Catholic and the father Jewish. By introducing the children to each faith until they are ready to decide for themselves can be beneficial.?Also, it's not uncommon for views to change as one ages or faces different life experiences. So don't get too discouraged if your child wants to explore different avenues.?Creating a loving and accepting environment is most essential.?
How do I get over a slump? 
  I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling as if you're in a slump. First of all, nothing is wrong with you. Many people report similar symptoms. Have you ever talked with a physician regarding your symptoms? Two extreme emotions such as feeling extremely happy and then feeling extremely low for a length of time may indicate a mood disorder. I think it would be best to talk with your doctor or a therapist to help pinpoint the issue causing them.It's possible that it could just be certain stressors in your life that are causing the two extremities but you definitely want to rule out any mental health issues. If it is in fact mental health related there are many medications or therapy choices that can help.?Thanks for reaching out! I hope that you will feel back on track soon!
How do I approach my doctor about seeing a therapist? 
  Thanks for your question. I'm glad you realize that you need extra support and are being proactive. Simply explain to your doctor the feelings you have been experiencing and how you feel that speaking with a mental health therapist would be beneficial. However,  keep in mind that you do not have to go into detail about your personal feelings. You can simply state that you are feeling down, overwhelmed, stressed, or whatever it may be.?I'm sure your doctor will be glad to direct you from there.?Best of luck you you! I hope that you will be feeling better soon!?
How can I slow down and enjoy life? 
  Thank you for reaching out! That is a great question! As an American, I can truly say that I spend way too much time on the go! It is a proven fact that Americans live in a fast paced environment compared to Europe! I often ask myself, what if I only had one day left on this Earth? What would I do? Well, that is an easy question. I would spend it with my family! Easier said than done when we are living in a tomorrow kind of World, right? Its hard to focus on the now when we are so consumed in what tomorrow shall bring.Time management is a very important factor when learning to "live life to the fullest"! In fact, this is a required course in undergraduate college now. Everyone manages their time differently and it is up to you to decide how you would like to do this. Personally, for myself I like to keep a calendar with a to-do list. I always place my most important tasks at the top of the list. That way, if I do not get through the list, I am not stressing over the little things. When planning your day, it is important you schedule work, eat and play. A much as it is hard not to work after getting off work, it must be done. There is discipline involved in this process. If you have trouble with this, then maybe seeking out some accountability such as including a coworker to make sure you do not bring work home once your shift is over or your spouse/partner reminding you that this is a time for play and not work.These are just some ideas that I am throwing out there. Again, everyone has their own style on time management. I hope this was helpful for you. Please don't hesitate to reach out for anything further!
How do I approach my doctor about seeing a therapist? 
  Having this kind of conversation with a doctor can feel difficult.  But remember, you are the expert on you.  Any good medical professional will recognize that.You are absolutely right to think about the importance of being your own health care advocate.  Generally, the best approach is simply to be honest.  Let your doctor know what you are concerned about and tell your doctor what you think might help.  If there is a specific issue that youd like to address in counseling, let you doctor know about it.  And dont hesitate to directly ask for a referral.I know this may all feel a little overwhelming.  It might help to bring a family member or significant-other with you to provide support when you talk to your doctor.  Its great that youve already taken this first step to reach out.  Youre on the right track.
I get depressed whenever anyone I care about is too busy to be with me. What do I do? 
  Frequently when working with clients, I utilize the A-B-C model developed by Albert Ellis, the founder of Rational Emotive Behavior Theory. The theory basically states that you can not control an event but you can control your reaction to the emotions associated with said event. For instance here is an example:A (Action or Event): You need to talk to someone and that person is not calling you back.B (Behavior or Response): You begin to tell yourself that this person is too busy for me or I am not important to this person.C (Consequence): You feel depressed.If you look at the model, B has a direct effect on C. The thought is if you change your reaction to A, then C will have a better consequence, such as:A: stays the same.B (this is what you change): This person must be busy, they will call me back when they get a chance or I can call someone else to lean on for support until this person is available.C: Decreased feelings of depression & overall functioning improves.This is just an example but if you actively work to replace the negative thought patterns that effect your behavior, studies show that your overall outlook and mood will improve. If this model resonates with you, I recommend "Feeling better, getting better, staying better" by Alber Ellis. In addition, looking for support groups in your area are a great source of support when you are feeling abandoned or alone.
How do I start talking again after a fight? 
  In any relationship, it is important to be able to say "I'm sorry" because it shows vulnerability and openness. I recommend that you sit and have a discussion with him now that you are calm about why you were upset and how you would like to handle such incidents in the future. If you find yourself becoming upset again, I encourage you to take a 20 minute break and then come back to the conversation once you are no longer heated. Studies show that talking or discussing arguments are more effective once you have cooled down and you are more likely to hear/understand what your partner is trying to convey.
How do I get out of an abusive relationship? 
  That sounds like a very hurtful situation. Unfortunately, without a batterers intervention course or a desire to change, the abuse cycle is unlikely to stop. I do not recommend that you try to leave on your own due that being the most dangerous time when in an abusive relationship. As an abuser, his goal is to control you whether it's through mental or verbal means. I recommend that you contact a domestic violence shelter in your area. I have worked closely with Harbor House of Central Florida and know they provide housing, transportation, and any other needed resources to women leaving an abusive relationship. There is help out there and you are not alone. If you need any additional resources in your area, please don't hesitate to contact me.?
I'm in love with a sex offender, but my family doesn't accept him 
  Thank you for your question. Trust is a huge thing in relationships and when that is broken, or perceived as being broken, it takes a long time to repair. From what you shared, it sounds like your boyfriend took steps to correct the situation and has shown to be trustworthy since. Unfortunately, no matter how much we apologize for something we did or for something others perceive we did, there will always be those with hardened hearts and will not forgive. If you feel confident in your relationship, then trust your inner wisdom. We cannot control others but only ourselves. Respect your families wishes to remain in unforgiveness while at the same time, ask them to respect your wish to believe in him and be in this relationship. Good luck to you.
I weigh over 220 pounds and I am 16 years old 
  Hey! ?I am so impressed with your efforts to ask questions, to figure out how to change the messages that you hear (and say to yourself), and to get support! ?And it sounds like you want to make some changes in your life! ?Take a walk over to the counseling office at school, the school nurse or consider reaching out to your Pediatricians office. You dont have to have your parents permission to seek support for yourself! ?And maybe taking control of your support network will give you the strength to make even bigger decisions about your health! ?I am rooting for you! ?Be Wise!
I'm a 19 year old male with low self esteem. I've always been very closed off about my feelings and problems. 
  Hey! ?It takes a lot of courage to share your feelings with someone! ?And it sounds like you have been lucky to meet someone who makes you feel safe enough to explore some of your more painful feelings. ?A big part of the process, however, of strengthening your self-concept is learning how to tell yourself those positive messages that you heard from your friend! ?Leaving for college may also be contributing to your feelings of unsteadiness. ?Try this - Make a list of all of the positive things that you know are true about yourself. ?Ask your friends and family to contribute to the list. ?Then carry it with you in your wallet - and when you need a self-esteem boost, take a look at it! ?You are in a season of life that presents lots of challenges and opportunities. ?Reach out to your long-distance friend when you need support - and take a walk over to the campus counseling center and check out what they might have to offer. ?Be Wise!
I lied to my mom, then felt bad and told her the truth 
  Hey!  Sounds like the part of you that knows the RIGHT thing to do won here!  I am so proud of you for admitting that you lied to your Mom!  Sometimes lies come out of our mouths before we can even catch them because we are trying to say what the other person wants to hear.  I bet that, as you begin to show her that you are not going to lie any more, she will begin to gain trust in you again!  Be open with your feelings with you Mom - she is there to support you, guide you and love you!  Give her lots of hugs - and give yourself one too for being so brave!  Be Wise!
I tell my husband I love him. But I don't believe it or feel it. 
  Sustaining passion in marriage is tough stuff. It's a relatively modern dilemma you are facing with perhaps unrealistic expectations of what marriage "should" be. It sounds like your definitions of love and sexual passion have merged together, that's both common and confusing! Intimacy and sexuality within your marriage are bound to ebb and flow. Resparking your passion will involve growing. Using your sexual drama and fantasies as windows into discovering your needs (security) and wants (desires). Marriage is a people growing process; you mature into one another and to achieve fulfillment your continued development will be required.?
How do couples keep from being at risk for divorce? 
  The Gottmans have been studying relationships in their "love lab"?for over 4 decades and what they've found is pretty awesome. There are 4 things that,?when added together and built up over time, predict divorce: criticism, defensiveness, contempt & stonewalling. These behaviors?lead towards emotional disengagement over time and will?eat away at your positive feelings towards one another. The awesome news is that they've also identified antidotes; gentle start ups, taking responsibility, discussing your feelings and needs (not to be confused with what you need from your partner) and self soothing. No couple can ever truly eliminate saying/doing the wrong thing, that's ok though because sustaining your marriage isn't about always getting it right, it's about knowing/learning how to repair when your get it wrong.?To learn more, pick up a copy of Gottman's "The?7 Principals For Making Marriage Work" or seek out a Gottman trained couples therapist.?
My wife and I have been married for over 3 years and we're tired of having sex 
  To begin with, what's normal for one couple isn't going to be normal for the next, every couple has their own normal and that's important to keep in mind. Your sexual lives will ebb and flow. What I'd be more curious about is the quality rather than the quantity of the sex you are having. I'd also want you both to refocus on building up your little daily moments of connection, I wrote a post about exactly that a while back and you can find it here.?
I feel like my friends are ganging up on me 
  Conflict is a tricky beast and shows up in every?one of our relationships.?What I'm reading is that you find yourself in a loop of ?seeking validation of your thoughts and feelings from your friends rather than validating yourself. Am I right? If you aren't validating yourself, no one else will be able to either. ?Try finding a small nugget of truth in the feedback your friends give you, this will help to lower your defenses and help your friends hear what you are really sharing. ?And then if you are still feeling vulnerable, share that too...?
I had a baby about 2 months ago and I really haven't been feeling myself 
  Probably. ?I always tell the new parents I work with (and this is just as true for dads as it is for moms) that if you are feeling off, seek help. ?Postpartum Support International (www.postpartum.net) is a great place to start finding resources and locating support.?
I had an affair almost two decades ago. Recently found out it resulted in a child 
  If your wife is willing, seek out a qualified couples therapist! Look for one trained in the Gottman Method or Emotionally Focused Therapy. Your relationship is repairable, but you may need some qualified support in the process.?
I'm having a lot of conflict in my relationship 
  Being able to accept your partner's influence is a key relationship skill. And it's very two sided. ?Chances are if you don't feel your partner is being influenced by you, they likely don't feel you are being influenced by them either. The best fix you can practice is to soften yourself into your partner and see how much more open you can be to their influence. ?Play with it.?
How do I cope with losing my mom? 
  First, I want to say how sorry I am for your loss. The grief of losing a parent can be very difficult to work through. When you lose someone you love, you are forever changed. The goal of working through any loss is to reach a "new normal." Though you will never forget your mom, the grief processing is about learning to live in a different way, without her physical presence. One of the best things you can do is find a good support system. You need to talk about your loss, and talk about it a lot. Talking helps work through your emotions and reach a place of healing. Find friends you trust who can support you or find a good grief support group. They are hugely beneficial since the group will understand exactly how you feel. If you find you are still struggling, a good grief counselor will also help.
I have been in a relationship for a year and 7 months these few weeks have been bad 
  I'm willing to bet that this isn't what you are hoping to hear, but I'd suggest giving him space. Ooph, that's a tough one, right?! I know. But here's the thing, when you keep trying to process and talk it out with him you keep pushing him away. He needs to feel like a solid and whole person (as you do too) to be able to be fully in your relationship. It's the work of being in relationship to learn this. I get that this is tough stuff. I wonder, outside of being with him, how do you soothe and calm yourself? That's the stuff for you to tune into and focus on right now.
How do you deal with mental illness (depression, anxiety) in a relationship? 
  Great Question! Anxiety and depression are part of the?lenses from which you and partner see your world and relationship. Understanding your own and one another's triggers are the key to building a?successful relationship. My colleague and?co-host for this Friday's free?relationship Q&A webinar, Robyn D'Angelo, talks about loving your anxious partner in this brief vlog,?loving your anxious partner?and also was featured on a wonderful podcast about making anxiety into your relationship superpower here.
How do I break an unhealthy relationship pattern? 
  You may be interested in reading my most recent post, Intimacy Begins With You. In it I offer 7 expert tips to help you get started on a path of self connection and discovery. This is important stuff to do in order to work through that stuff that's holding you back from the relationships you desire. You may find that it's especially helpful to do this work with the alliance of a skilled individual therapist.?
I want to get back with my kid's mother and be a family again 
  How you you expressed your regret and taken responsibility for the pain thus far? Repair is a very essential skill in and part of developing healthy relationships. Your love sounds deep, sit with that. Also sit with how she's been hurt. You get to feel your hurt too and your kids. In feeling all this you may also find our way to the repair. If feeling all this is tough to take on, seek out a local therapist to support your process.?
How do balance attention between my girlfriend and my dogs? 
  Hey, dogs are cool. They adore pleasing humans and often LOVE to work on learning what you want and expect from them.?Your girlfriend on the other hand, likely has her own desires and needs that she attend to before tuning into yours. You are good with dogs, that tells me that you've spent some time observing their behavior. The first step in working through this issue would be similar, start to tune into and observe your girlfriend more often... Observation is a skill when it comes to relationship building. The skills you have mastered in relating with your dogs can carry over, you will just have to relearn what behaviors you are watching. And keep in mind that also means observing yourself in relationships.?
I recently lied to my fiancé about my past 
  Well let's start with the awesome realization you've already had, you want to notice that you have triggers. That's huge. Really.?I find that when people lie, it's most often as a defense mechanism. Which is likely a flag that something doesn't feel safe. What exactly doesn't feel safe could be lots of different things but the key to notice is that it's that feeling of insecurity that is very likely triggering you.?It could really help to explore this with therapist, perhaps even someone with a trauma specialty -- that's not to say this is related to a trauma but more so to suggest that therapists specializing in trauma are very skilled at helping to identify and assist in repatterning your triggers!?
How do I deal with depersonalisation and derealisation? 
  Typically depersonalization disorder is diagnosed and treated through the use of medication and psychotherapy. I recommend that you look within your insurance network for a provider that offers ongoing therapy services for these concerns. It is important to have these concerns treated through more conventional means.
I keep on changing my life when things get tough. 
  I recommend that you make a list of all the reasons you should change your life and all of the reasons you shouldn't change your life. Can the problem you are in be fixed? Is there others you can lean on for support? Are there other people you know who have been through a similar experience and are willing to share their story with you? It is important to rely on your support network to help you get multiple points of view. If you believe you need additional help, I suggest seeing a professional.
How can I be more confident around girls? 
  I recommend that you focus on the negative thoughts or irrational beliefs that are going through your mind at the time in which you are trying to approach a girl. When you are aware of the negative thoughts or irrational beliefs, you can then work on changing them. An easy way to recognize an irrational belief is a thought that contains the words "must or never." Once you recognize the thought or belief, I would like you to picture a big red stop sign. This is called thought stopping. This is a technique to use to stop unwanted or unhealthy thoughts. Then, I would like you to think of a more positive thought to replace it with such as: Negative thought: "That girl will never go out with me" STOP Positive thought: "I won't know if she will go out with me unless I ask". What this does is increase your self confidence by replacing your negative thoughts with positive ones that will ultimately boost your self esteem.