TurtleLiu/counselbot_for_mistral huggingface dataset:
Can my marriage be saved? 
  While it would be impossible for me to say whether your marriage can be saved it sounds like you are both willing to give it a try and to get professional support. With appropriate professional support for your relationship a lot is possible. I'm not familiar with the resources available in Jackson but I'm sure there are some good local couple therapists and there may be some agencies that specialize in couple counselling and family therapy.So often the challenges that we have in relationships result from rather small habits in relating that lead to greater feelings of distress, loneliness, anger and resentment. I commend your willingness to put effort into creating the strong loving relationship that you want for both of your sakes and of course for your children. The following links provides more information regarding common behaviours that predict staying together or separatingand also videos and other resources that can help you get started.Wishing you and your family all the best on your journey of healing and discovery.
The love of my life wants to try getting back together with her child's father. 
  That sounds really heartbreaking. It is tough falling in love and not being able to dive fully because of complications on the other side. It sounds to me that you are doing exactly what you need to be doing by taking "care of myself" while the rest sorts itself out. While I admire your desire and courage to stay friends - the "extreme pain" that you mentioned may make this too challenging and at odds with your taking care of yourself. Since there is no commitment on her end to give it a shot with you I would make sure that you really honour your own feelings about what feels right to you so that you don't end up feeling strung along or resentful. Make sure that you lean on friends and family at this time - we need all the support that we can get when we are heartbroken.
I'm worried that I will be single forever. 
  I think that every person who has been single for any extended period of time has felt the same worries - myself included. Since relationships are so important to us we fear not having them and being single. It is similar to fearing that we won't ever get a good job when we have been out of work for awhile or fearing that we won't be healthy when we have been sick. We fear these things because they are so important - not because these fears are realistic or true!There is immense pressure put on young single people from peers and media to conform to ideas of what is normal and to meet expectations in terms of sexual experience, dating, etc. While some people may judge an adult who is a virgin - others will respect your choices and feel even more attracted to you because of your choices. Experimenting with sex, so long as you are being safe and respectful is also completely okay and normal.Since expectations vary and we can't be happy if we are always comparing ourselves to other people, we need to ultimately trust that being who we are and building a loving relationship with ourselves is the key to meeting someone who will cherish us for all the ways that we are special and unique, virgin or not. When we are able to really accept ourselves and trust in our loveableness (not a real word but you get what I mean!) then meeting someone special is simply a matter of time and effort - putting ourselves out in the world in situations where we are likely to meet other single people looking for relationships.When you are most afraid of being alone - remember that this fear is simply a reminder of how much you value relationships. Use that passion about wanting relationships to build the best relationship you can with yourself and then one day soon some lucky person will stumble into your life and benefit immensely from your passion and your ability to be authentically who you are rather than pretending to be "normal" or whatever that is anyway. Hope this helps!
How can my boyfriend forgive me when I can't forgive myself? 
  So wonderful to have a boyfriend who is able to understand and forgive you. What do you think that he sees in you that allows him to do that? Does he see someone who like other humans makes mistakes? Does he see someone who despite hurtful choices is a good person committed to being a loving respectful partner? The compassion and understanding that we can often extend to others can be difficult to extend to ourselves.We often hold very unrealistic and perfectionist expectations for ourselves which may even lead to our poor choices in the first place - as a ways of letting off steam or rebelling against our high standards. Regardless of the reasons, we all make mistakes and imperfection does not make someone less loveable - it just makes them human. If your boyfriend is able to start clean with you, there must be a reason.What you do from here on out will define the kind of partner you are to him. Can you treat him with the kind of respect that you would want? Can you help him to feel loved and safe in the relationship? Can you allow yourself to be imperfect and afraid and still worthy of love and acceptance. When you are feeling ashamed of your behaviours - try to imagine extending that scared part of you the same love and acceptance that you might extend to other people who have made mistakes. It is not easy to forgive ourselves but it is important in order to allow ourselves to be loved and to truly love others.
I'm worried that I will be single forever. 
  Hi Winters, I'm so glad you wrote, because I think there are a lot of young women experiencing the exact same thing. You feel self-loathing for both being a virgin, and for being sexually active. Young women have always gotten crazy mixed messages about what they're supposed to be. They feel pressure to be pure, and they also feel pressure to be the vixen and please men sexually. But you can't be both, so you can't ever win if you buy into all that horse manure (excuse my language).This current hook-up culture puts added pressure on girls to expect nothing more than random sexual encounters that leave you feeling empty and used; perhaps desirable in that moment but mostly worthless. The stupid part is that research tells us that young men are also impacted negatively by this cultural norm that values sex and not relationship; they feel guilt, and loneliness. I urge you to talk to other girls and women about your feelings. My hope and prayer is that they will echo my words here.Your value and power cannot ever be found in whether a man wants you, whether you turn his eye, or how he treats you. Your sexuality is a beautiful part of who you are, and it is to be celebrated. I love that you want to celebrate it with someone who cares. Who you are is so very much more than your sexuality. You sound like you have a lot of things going for you. Try to see all of those things when you think of yourself.There are many more virgins out there, and many are afraid, like you, that they don't fit in. We are all different, and you don't have to be anything but who you want to be; who you are. You don't have to have any kind of sex until you're ready, and that makes you brave and smart, not weird.You're tall and beautiful, and guys may be intimidated by that. It may take time for you to meet the right guy, but he's out there. The question is: How do you want to spend your time until he crosses your path?I hope you talk to someone soon and find out that your feelings are normal. I wish you the best.
Why am I constantly angry? 
  Hi Nashville, I'm glad you want this to be different. It doesn't feel good to be angry all the time, and it's stealing your energy as well as affecting relationships, I'm sure.Working with a therapist, you can learn to recognise the deep emotions that lie underneath the anger. It's likely to be either powerlessness or worthlessness, and what happens is this... a small moment in the present touches on an old, tender, bruised emotion that we've simply felt too much of or too strongly in the past. We develop ways of avoiding these vulnerable emotions, and anger is one way of doing that.So, when someone looks at you in a certain way, or says something, you'd rather be angry than feel powerless, or unimportant (or whatever your kryptonite feeling is). In that moment, your instinct is to blame whatever happened, no matter how small, because that's the thing that happened just before you got mad. You fail to recognise that the problem is not the look on that person's face, or the shoe that someone left in front of the door...it's that you can't stand feeling something and you want to avoid it like you want to stamp your foot out if it's on fire.I suggest finding a therapist to work with. You can learn to take responsibility for your old emotions and find new ways to manage them. :)
How am I supposed to feel when I forgive someone? 
  Hi Cleveland, I think I get what you're feeling. You're scared that if you forgive your mom, that would mean it wasn't so bad, or she'll think it's okay to do it again, or she won't realize how hurt you are.I invite you to look at forgiveness in a different way. Forgiveness doesn't have to mean what she did was okay. Not at all. Forgiveness can mean "I accept what she did, and I don't want to live in her worst moments constantly. I want to put it down and move past it because I want her in my life, because fear and resentment interfere with my relationship with her, and mostly because I'm tired of carrying them (fear and resentment) around constantly."You can forgive your mom for yourself, not for her.If there is evidence that your mom wants to respect you moving forward, then it might be worth it to risk putting down the resentment and the grudge that you think you need to protect yourself.Your ability to draw boundaries with her in the present is your biggest protector; let her know in the present what hurts you, and notice her responses.You don't have to say it to her face. Saying it to yourself is more important. Again, forgiving your mom helps you...it reduces your own burden of fear and resentment, leaving space for better things.
Should I tell my kids that Santa is real after their dad told them he is not? 
  Well Boise, the cat's out of the bag now, isn't it? I love that you want to help your kids keep the magic of Christmas. They must want that too if they still believe in Santa into their teen years, which is unusual, I believe. I wonder if they had already figured it out anyway?But they know now, and your ex had the right to tell them if he felt it was best. So it's time to explain to them what a loving and magical thing it is that parents do, and Christmas can still be magical in so many ways. Really, who says they have to stop believing in Santa? Santa is very real as a spirit of surprise, generosity and love.
How do I get my guy to fall back in love with me? 
  Hi Kansas,I think your first instinct was good; you broke up with him. You deserve respect, but right now you're not acting as if you deserve it when you push to see him as he's moving on with a new relationship. It's appropriate now for you to respect that relationship and listen to what he says he wants, which is space.Do you think he's going to be any different with her? This a common, unfounded fear we have.I wonder if maybe you miss the feeling of being in love and having a partner more than you miss him. Thebottomline is you can't make someone love you, and you can't make someone be loving towards you, because how someone treats you (and the choices they make) has everything to do with who they are, and nothing to do with who you are. I hope you gather support from others and move on in hope and strength for your own future.
How am I supposed to feel when I forgive someone? 
  How someone feels when they forgive another, is at peace with themselves and their understanding of what went wrong, who was responsible for what in the situation, and clarity on their own motivation, actions, emotions including pain, regret, resentment, sadness.These steps ideally allow a new door to open in order to develop new paths in the existing relationship or accept that this will not be possible due to either person's way of handling themselves.The long answer would be that you're not yet through with this process.I commend you on being truthful with yourself about yourself.You're on the right track by expecting to feel resolved when you've reached resolution, and not before.Finding patience with the unpredictable amount of time needed to thoroughly examine all the details of the incidents you mention, sometimes is a frustration of its own.Keep up your good work of knowing your own life.It is a worthwhile endeavor!
Do I leave my cheating husband or share him with someone? 
  Hi Jayuya, I'm struggling in this moment with my own biases. I have biases that are about respect and every individual's need for and right to respect. Your husband lies, cheats and physically hurts you. He makes excuses and blames you for these behaviours and trains you to do the same. He demonstrates many controlling and abusive behaviours. And now, in an attempt to manipulate and silence you, he wants to have his cake and eat it too and suggests you should share him? There aren't many crumbs of this cake left for you, are there?So, my biases about respect don't make me want to rescue you or tell you what to do; I can't do that, and I don't think either of those things will help you. I'd like to ask you some questions though...Are you happy? Do you know what happy is? Do you know what respect is? Are your children safe? Are your children witnessing violence (because if they are, then they're not safe)? Do you have supports? Do your family and friends know what's happening in your life? Have you ever been to a women's shelter? Are you willing to sit down in an office with a professional who can help you think clearly? That's what I suggest. These are big decisions, you deserve some support. I wish you the best.
My wife no longer wants sex. 
  Hi Hampton,Although I'd bet your wife also wants the attention and companionship, it seems that there are a few barriers in your sexual relationship right now. I also would bet that there are things that your wife would like from you.This is a very common issue; two people with different sexual drives or needs. If you both want the relationship to improve, a couple's therapist who works in sexuality is a great idea; it's a complex picture that you've only given us a glimpse of.In the meantime, you can try a few things: have compassion for your wife. She's in pain and this may preoccupy her. Sex may be uncomfortable for her. She needs understanding. You need understanding too, right? Help her to see that you're not just angry, but lonely and hurt; it might affect how you see yourself as a man. Showing her irritability or anger might push her farther away.There are many ways to be close, intimate, and sexual that don't involve intercourse. You might want to explore some of these things and reassure her that you won't pressure her to have intercourse. Find out what your wife's wishes and ideas are. You might be surprised.These things take time to address, especially if they've been years in the making. I do recommend seeing that therapist. Relationships are very complex and it takes time to explore all the layers and barriers to change. Best of luck.
Should I just move on from my demanding girlfriend? 
  Love is not enough to keep a relationship together.The people need to get along happily too.Let's start with knowing more about your happiness in being with your partner.The frequent break ups happen for a reason. Try understanding more of why you go back together again.You state a few very clear reasons to not continue this relationship, such as "feeling like crap" and not liking that your girlfriend hopes her partner will feel afraid to leave her.Trust your intuition telling you that these feelings matter.Sometimes men aren't sure whether following their instinct is a right action to take.It is.Also, hoping a partner will fear losing them, shows a wish to control a person.Control has nothing to do with love and trust, and these are basics of a relationship.Good luck!
Why won’t my boyfriend for almost two years talk about our future together when he says he’s in love with me? 
  The good news is you're aware of what you'd like from your relationship.The possible less good news, is that your boyfriend's ideas for the relationship are not similar to yours.Really, you will only find this out for sure by deciding to start the conversation about your expectations and ask about his.People have as infinitely different ideas of what, if anything generates from feeling in love, as there are people on this earth.Speculating and theorizing about how he combines love and a future with you, at some point are better answered directly by him.You sound ready to find out his reality in order to compare it with yours.Sometimes people are afraid that the answer they'll hear will disappoint. While this is possible, it is also possible you will be greatly surprised in a very happy way. What if he was being shy and hesitant to tell you his wish of being together with you for many years?Either way the answer turns out, you will gain as a person by appreciating your own need for peace of mind by knowing clearly what your future with this man will be like.
How do I manage my anger? 
  First off, it is great that you recognize that some changes need to be made. It is also really good that you understand where the source of your anxiety and stress comes from. Fortunately there are many self help books and internet sources that provide free tools to help you cope withlife's obstacles, including anger management. There are several strategies that you can try tohelp control your anger, but theones thatI would recomend first are the following:1.Try a different way of communicating with your parents. Sincearguing withthem is a great source of anger for you, learning more effective ways of communicating with them will likely be of great benefit.Choose a time to talk with themabout "heated issues" when everyone is calm and emotions are not heightened. Use "I phrases" by telling them how the arguments effect you, as opposed to placing blame on them.Validate what you hear your parents say in order to allow them to know that you understand their point of view.2. When you feel yourself becoming angry, take a break. Simply excuse yourself from the situation, find a quiet place to be by yourself, and do some deep breathing. Close your eyes, slowly count to four as you inhale, and exhaleeven slower, counting to 6. Focus on nothing except for your breathing and do this for 5 minutes.3. Stop any negative thoughts in their tracks. Often times when we get upset, we catastrophize and do not see things clearly. When you catch yourself thinking negatively stop the thoughts and ask yourself if your thinking is logical and rational. If you cannot find much or any evidence that your thoughts are valid, then let them go and replace them with realistic, logical thoughts.4. Finally, find a friend or someone to talk to and/or keep a journal. Keeping your emotions to yourself will not help you. Being able to express your feelings and problem solve will allow for some relief when feeling sad or angry.I wish you all the best!
Why won’t my boyfriend for almost two years talk about our future together when he says he’s in love with me? 
  There are a few possibilities that might be keeping your boyfriend from talking about the future, but the best way to find out for certain is to ask him. If your desire is to have a permanent relationship with your boyfriend, two years should be plenty of time for him to determine whether or not he also wants this and if not yet, he should be able to give you a reason why.People who drag their feet in the area of commitment sometimes do so because they fear commitment itself and the thought of permanency is terrifying to them. Such fears might be grounded in past failed relationships, past history of abuse or neglect, or just pure selfishness and a related fear of what they might have to give up in a relationship.Another common reason for people to avoid talking about permanency is because there are things in the relationship that they feel may need to change before the relationship becomes more committed. Financial and career issues are common reasons for postponing commitment. Other issues may have to do with taking care of other family responsibilities such as raising children from previous relationships.The most important thing to remember I think in managing your own feelings in this relationship is that you have the right to ask questions and to have a conversation about your future. You are part of this relationship and you deserve to know what types of barriers are there that prevent this relationship from becoming permanent. True love needs to be grounded in truth.Good luck to you!
How can I stop abusing alcohol? 
  The first step to change is to admit that you have a problem that is in need of change. Frequently our problems keep us in denial. Although feeling hopeless is an uncomfortable feeling, it suggests to me that you know that you can not do this alone. The best course of treatment for you is to treat all of these problems together. Alcohol detox can be very dangerous so it is important that you do this under the supervision of a medical provider; preferably someone who specializes in addiction. Know also that although marijuana may not appear to be as big as a problem as alcohol is, it will cause you to have an increase in alcohol cravings so complete abstinence from drugs and alcohol is needed.I really recommend an inpatient stay for at least 30 days for anyone who is dealing with addiction, whether combined with mental health issues or not. If this is not a possibility, then the next best thing would be an Intensive outpatient program that treats both addiction and mental health issues. Know that there is hope for what you are experiencing. You can get control over these issues. The next step is finding the team and/or facility that is going to help you do it.
Should I leave my boyfriend? 
  Hi Lockport, Building a relationship when there are already children involved is very tricky. You don't tell us whether you live together or not. If you do, your position is perhaps more difficult, because his daughter's behaviours affect you; you live in the home.A bottom line for me is you don't tell someone else how to parent. That's for your boyfriend to decide. When he's there, he's the parent, and he makes the decisions about how she is disciplined (or not). Even if you have good ideas or you completely disagree, or you think you see something that he's not seeing, it's simply not for you to interfere there.It sounds like your boyfriend is struggling emotionally and needs support. He has had a lot of losses in his life and maybe every time his daughter leaves he feels powerless and abandoned. Do you talk about these things? Can you find that line of supporting him but not telling him what to do?Although I suggest you leave the parenting to him, what you can do is tell him what you see, offer suggestions if he's open to it, and talk about the ways in which the situation affects you. It makes sense to say "I see you struggling and I don't know how to help", "I've noticed that you seem afraid to discipline her. Are you aware that it's coming across this way? Do you need help?", or "I feel sad and frustrated when we don't spend any time alone together."You sound a bit resentful of his daughter. Is it possible that your real struggle is about whether you're ready to be in a relationship with a man whose priority is his child?You have a voice, and it's great to offer support and ideas and let him know how you feel. Ultimately, however, you are wise to accept this man as who he is and accept the situation for what it is, and make your own decision about whether you want to be a part of it. :)