Sins Against Mimesis
by Adam Thornton (1997)
Genres: Satire

Your lover Black left, and your days are full of loneliness. Your progress in finding him, however, is blocked by none other than the Devil himself; and to get rid of him, you must commit the seven deadly sins. And that is just the beginning...

action: %
response: Pain. Unceasing pain. Ever since your lover Black left, something to do with a mysterious stranger and a time machine, your days have been a dull blur of gray loneliness. Perhaps you'd feel better if you got out and did something.



This is the living room of your rather squalid apartment. The huge compass rose on your floor reminds you that your bedroom is west, the front hall is north, the kitchen is east, and the bathroom is south.

Your mimesis plant squats in its pot in a corner of the room, slowly photosynthesizing.
action: About yourself
response: As good-looking as ever.
action: You examine the plant
response: This is a prizewinning specimen of the species Mimesis Variegans. It is dark green, with yellow stripes on its luxurious leaves. The mimesis plant thrives in low light and requires occasional watering. You've always preferred the variegated to the linear variety, yourself. This one is about ten inches high. The plant looks rather dry.

Your heart swells with pride as you consider your beautiful houseplant.

There is a sharp crackling and a sudden smell of ozone, as something appears in your hand.
action: You check what you're carrying
response: You are carrying:
a diskette case
"Curses"
action: You look at the compass
response: This is a compass rose inlaid on your floor, constructed painstakingly from pine, mahogany, and oak. You don't quite remember why you put it in, but it had something to do with caving and survey shots.
action: You examine the curses
response: A floppy disk labelled "Curses".
action: You eat the disk
response: (the diskette case)
That's plainly inedible.
action: You go south
response: The salient feature, to borrow a technique from Detective, is the exit to the north. Sure, there's a sink, a tub, a toilet, and a medicine cabinet in here, but I promise you that you lose nothing by failing to examine them.
action: You examine cabinet
response: Really, it's still just scenery.

Author's Note: I'm certain I could make a bathtub you could bathe or shower in, with hot or cold water, a toilet that flushed and removed its contents, a medicine cabinet with a child-proof bottle within, and a fluffy towel on which to dry off. But I haven't, and frankly I don't care that much about implementing bodily functions or sanitation in the game.
action: You look at sink
response: Really, it's still just scenery.
action: You go north
response: Your mimesis plant squats in its pot in a corner of the room, slowly photosynthesizing.
action: You look at your surroundings
response: This is the living room of your rather squalid apartment. The huge compass rose on your floor reminds you that your bedroom is west, the front hall is north, the kitchen is east, and the bathroom is south.

Your mimesis plant squats in its pot in a corner of the room, slowly photosynthesizing.
action: Go east
response: This is your kitchen: walls papered in a yellow floral design, counter, cabinet, stove, table, chairs, fridge, microwave, and so on. The living room is west.

On the counter is a juice glass (which is empty).
action: You look at the microwave
response: Just your basic tiny microwave oven. It has a big red button labelled "Zap" on the front. It is currently closed.
action: You examine the glass
response: The juice glass is empty.
action: You get the glass
response: Taken.
action: You examine the sink
response: This is a standard issue kitchen sink. Rather than actually implementing a faucet and two knobs, let's just say that you can fill containers from it when you want to. It is an unlimited source of the finest tap water.
action: You examine cabinet
response: Merely a plain wooden cabinet.
action: You open the cabinet
response: You open the kitchen cabinet, revealing a red cardboard box.
action: You look at the box
response: Which do you mean, the red cardboard box or the diskette case?
action: Red
response: This is a bright red box of "Sugar Coated Corn Puffs," a terrifyingly unhealthy part of your complete breakfast.
action: You open red
response: Which do you mean, the red button, the refrigerator or the red cardboard box?
action: You open the red cardboard
response: You open the red cardboard box, revealing some cereal and a toy.
action: Examine toy
response: This is an ugly blue plastic toy included as a prize in the box of cereal. It appears to have no use whatsoever, and indeed it is unclear what, exactly, it is meant to represent.
action: You eat the toy
response: That's plainly inedible.
action: You open the microwave
response: You open the microwave.
action: You put the toy in the microwave
response: You put the toy into the microwave.
action: You look at the cereal
response: The Sugar Coated Corn Puffs are whitish-yellow, with a coating of sugar.
action: You close the microwave
response: You close the microwave.
action: You turn on the microwave
response: The microwave hums briefly, and the toy vanishes in a plume of greasy smoke. You can almost hear the microwave chuckle evilly.
action: You open the microwave
response: You open the microwave, revealing a toy.
action: You look at your surroundings
response: This is your kitchen: walls papered in a yellow floral design, counter, cabinet, stove, table, chairs, fridge, microwave, and so on. The living room is west.
action: You take the toy
response: Taken.
action: You examine the fridge
response: This is a gigantic old fridge, bright red, of the latching-handle variety. It is closed.
action: You open the fridge
response: You open the refrigerator, revealing some Chinese food.
action: You examine the food
response: Some of last night's take-out General Tso's chicken. It's spicy and encased in a cardboard box for your convenience. Cold and greasy, though.
action: You put the food in the microwave
response: You put the Chinese food into the microwave.
action: You close the microwave
response: You close the microwave.
action: You look at the microwave
response: Just your basic tiny microwave oven. It has a big red button labelled "Zap" on the front. It is currently closed.
action: You open the microwave
response: You open the microwave, revealing some Chinese food.
action: You smell the food
response: Mmmm! Chili peppers.
action: You eat the food
response: (first taking the Chinese food)
With your bare hands? You have better manners than that.
action: You look at your surroundings
response: This is your kitchen: walls papered in a yellow floral design, counter, cabinet, stove, table, chairs, fridge, microwave, and so on. The living room is west.
action: You examine the counter
response: This is a standard stained and scarred formica counter. It's white, where it isn't stained.
action: You examine the stove
response: This is still just scenery. Bear with me.
action: You check your inventory
response: You are carrying:
some Chinese food
a toy
a red cardboard box (which is open)
some cereal
a juice glass
some cold water
a diskette case
"Curses"
action: You eat the cereal
response: (first taking the cereal)
Mmmmm, tasty. Just like, in fact, you'd expect something called "Sugar Coated Corn Puffs" to taste.
action: You check your inventory
response: You are carrying:
some Chinese food
a toy
a red cardboard box (which is open but empty)
a juice glass
some cold water
a diskette case
"Curses"
action: Water plant
response: You carefully water the plant, wishing that you had someone to nurture you. Lucky plant.
action: You examine the case
response: This looks very much like every other cheap open-topped plastic disposable diskette case you've ever seen, although the "Made In Hell" label is a little disturbing. It looks like it could hold about seven disks. It seems to contain "Hollywood Hijinx" and "Curses".
action: You eat plant
response: (first taking the variegated mimesis plant)
You greedily snatch at the mimesis.

You gluttonously take a bite out of one of the plant's leaves. It's really nasty. Ugh.
action: Inventory
response: You are carrying:
a variegated mimesis plant
some Chinese food
a toy
a red cardboard box (which is open but empty)
a juice glass
a diskette case
"Planetfall"
"Zork I"
"Hollywood Hijinx"
"Curses"
action: You examine Zork
response: A floppy disk labelled "Zork I".
action: You hit the plant
response: You angrily rip a leaf from the mimesis plant.
action: Full
response: You have so far scored 5 out of a possible 7, in 64 turns, earning you the rank of Malingerer.

The score is made up as follows:

1 Gluttony
1 Wrath
1 Envy

5 total (out of 7)
action: Kiss plant
response: You plant a kiss on the mimesis.
action: You go to the west
response: The bedroom is pretty grim these days. It's a beige rectangular prism with a bed in it. There are also the usual bedroomy things: dressers, a lamp, a nightstand, and so on.
action: You look under the bed
response: No monsters, no trap doors, no dollar bills. Nothing but dust.
action: You look at the dresser
response: Just the bric-a-brac of a standard adult bedroom. You don't want to think about it. If you think you do, go check out the bathroom or kitchen scenery instead.

Author's Note: Sure, I could make a dresser and nightstand with opening drawers, a lamp you could turn on and off, a headboard you could tie things to, box springs for the bed, carpeting with repulsive items ground into it, and a sock drawer full of real live socks. But I won't. This is just scenery and it's going to stay that way.

(Yes, just like the bathroom scenery.)
action: You examine the lamp
response: Just the bric-a-brac of a standard adult bedroom. You don't want to think about it. If you think you do, go check out the bathroom or kitchen scenery instead.

(Yes, just like the bathroom scenery.)
action: You look at the bed
response: Your bed is a lovely four-poster king-size bed, made out of finely carved cherry wood. It's much too big for you alone, you can't help but realize.
action: Describe the surroundings
response: The bedroom is pretty grim these days. It's a beige rectangular prism with a bed in it. There are also the usual bedroomy things: dressers, a lamp, a nightstand, and so on.

On the bed is a variegated mimesis plant.
action: You get on the bed
response: You get onto the bed.

On the bed you can see a variegated mimesis plant.
action: Sleep
response: You toss and turn, but the bed is simply far too big to sleep in alone, and you sent Blamant the Teddy Bear out to be cleaned this morning.
action: Sleep
response: You clutch the mimesis plant to your chest, and fall into a troubled sleep, haunted with dreams of chessboards and featureless white cubes.
action: You get off the bed
response: You get off the bed.

The bedroom is pretty grim these days. It's a beige rectangular prism with a bed in it. There are also the usual bedroomy things: dressers, a lamp, a nightstand, and so on.
action: Go east
response: This is the living room of your rather squalid apartment. The huge compass rose on your floor reminds you that your bedroom is west, the front hall is north, the kitchen is east, and the bathroom is south.
action: You go north
response: This is the front hall; a door north leads outside, and the living room is to the south.

A devil, looking for all the world like a cross between the BSD Unix devil and Bill Gates, slouches insolently in the corner.

The door is closed.
action: You examine devil
response: He is a jolly, fat little devil, with thick glasses, a Moe haircut, short but sharp-looking horns, a long tail with a barb on the end, a pink T-shirt reading "IETF 28 Terminal Room", Birkenstocks (which look particularly silly on his hooves), too-tight cordouroy pants, and a pocket protector. His complexion manages, through the mysteries of the supernatural, to be simultaneously firebrick red and pasty white.
action: Hi
response: The devil glares at you and mumbles, "Bletch foobar to you too!"
action: Kiss devil
response: "No, you nincompoop! <snort>  I'm not the target of your sins!"
action: You ask devil about the devil
response: "Bob's the name! Interactive fiction's the game! Well, actually, the meta-game, I guess, because 'the game' properly ought to refer to an actual title, such as Jigsaw or something. Say, <snort>, can I go out with your sister?
action: Pray
response: Nothing practical results from your prayer.
action: Yes
response: "You <snort> can't make me! I'm supernatural."
action: You ask the devil about the plant
response: " A hardy houseplant. I never was much into <snort> botany myself. Now, the <giggle> subtle manipulations of Turbo Pascal...<snort>"
action: You show the food to the devil
response: The demon stares at you as if you are mad.
action: You ask the devil about the sins against the Mimesis
response: "Sins, deadly. <snort> Pride, Avarice, Sloth <snort>, Gluttony, Envy, Wrath, and <giggle> Lust."
action: You ask the devil about the adam
response: "NAK! NAK! Re-transmit! <snort>"
action: You ask the devil about Hollywood Hijinx
response: "That's for me to know <snort> and you to play!"
action: Inventory
response: You are carrying:
a variegated mimesis plant
some Chinese food
a toy
a red cardboard box (which is open but empty)
a juice glass
a diskette case
"In The End"
"The Incredibly Erotic Adventures of Stiffy Makane"
"Beyond Zork"
"Planetfall"
"Zork I"
"Hollywood Hijinx"
"Curses"
action: Show case to devil
response: The devil peers into the case. "So, you think you're a sinner, huh? Well, let's see...so far you have Sloth, Avarice, Pride, Envy, Gluttony, Wrath, <giggle snort> Lust, and that's the complete set. Good job! Tell you what. Diskettes are so <snort> archaic. Let me..." The devil takes your diskette case and squeezes it hard while chanting "Fee, Fie, Foe, Foo!" Squashing it into a CD, he hands it
to you. Then he gestures with his finger, and the front door swings open.
action: Inventory
response: You are carrying:
"Sinful Delights and More: Masterpieces of Interactive Fiction, CD Edition"
a variegated mimesis plant
some Chinese food
a toy
a red cardboard box (which is open but empty)
a juice glass
action: Examine cd
response: A sparkling CD-ROM, with an attractive logo proclaiming it to be Sinful Delights and More: Masterpieces of Interactive Fiction.
action: You ask the devil about the CD
response: "That's for me to know <snort> and you to play!"
action: Describe the surroundings
response: This is the front hall; a door north leads outside, and the living room is to the south.

A devil, looking for all the world like a cross between the BSD Unix devil and Bill Gates, slouches insolently in the corner.

Through the open doorway, you can see a swirling violet mist, rather unlike the busy, dirty, and noisy street onto which it used to open.
action: You look at the mist
response: This is probably what Hendrix was thinking of when he wrote his song. It is disturbingly opaque, and swirls around in an unsettling and faintly nauseating manner.
action: You ask devil about the mist
response: "NAK! NAK! Re-transmit! <snort>"
action: You open door
response: That's already open.
action: You get the mist
response: That's hardly portable.
action: Smell mist
response: Cardamom. Or is it coriander?
action: You go north
response: As you step into the mist, everything becomes indistinct and hazy; you spin, receding ever-farther from consciousness. Everything goes black...

Once upon a time, this was a scrapple factory. The floor would have been covered in piles of barely-identifiable pig parts, awash in blood and industrial chemicals. However, those times are long gone. The conveyor belt that used to connect the Scrappelizer to the reduction vat has long since rusted into immobility. There are no doors or windows; light comes from a bare light bulb hanging in the immense empty space. The rusted Scrappelizer squats to the north, and the vat is south.

A rectangular hole allows access to the innards of the Scrappelizer.
action: You examine Scrappelizer
response: The Scrappelizer was a fairly simple machine. You dumped pigs--or whatnot--into the hopper at the top, and with a hideous squealing noise, a mass of bloody pig--or whatnot--parts would emerge on the conveyor belt, to be carried to the vat, where heat, chemicals, and time would conspire to produce Scrapple.
action: You examine the bulb
response: The bare light bulb, favored by tinpot dictators and goonish interrogators everywhere.
action: You enter hole
response: Horrifyingly, the interior of the Scrappelizer has been remodelled into a home, of sorts. It is, in fact, the lair of a Kunkel, complete with multimedia PC.

A rectangular hole allows access to the factory.

You can also see the Kunkel here.

The kunkel yelps.
action: You look at kunkel
response: The Kunkel is small and troll-like. It squats before its computer, twitching occasionally as the virtual reality mittens on its hands control some action in the game going on in the VR goggles plugged into its computer.

The kunkel flinches and swears.
action: You examine computer
response: This must be the Kunkel's computer. It's the very latest in ultra-whiz-bang mega-expensive technology. It seems to have VR goggles, a CD-ROM drive, and big speakers.
The computer is currently switched on.
action: You open the drive
response: You open the CD-ROM drive. The Kunkel's game must have come to a screeching halt, because it stops twitching, swears, and thumbs the drive door shut before you can react.
action: You get the goggles
response: As you approach, you see that the Kunkel's face has actually grown into the goggles. Revolted, you retreat.

The kunkel yelps.
action: You turn off computer
response: By doing so, you are striking at the very reason for the Kunkel's existence. It is not pleased.

"Please excuse the crudity of what I'm about to do, you text-based Neanderthal, but my ancestors were AGT monsters."

Its mouth opens to reveal teeth grotesquely out of proportion to the rest of its body, a fact you notice as those same teeth tear your flesh into tiny pieces.
action: Go south
response: Once upon a time, this was a scrapple factory. The floor would have been covered in piles of barely-identifiable pig parts, awash in blood and industrial chemicals. However, those times are long gone. The conveyor belt that used to connect the Scrappelizer to the reduction vat has long since rusted into immobility. There are no doors or windows; light comes from a bare light bulb hanging in the immense empty space. The rusted Scrappelizer squats to the north, and the vat is south.

A rectangular hole allows access to the innards of the Scrappelizer.
action: You give the CD to kunkel
response: You can only do that to something animate.
action: You go south
response: You are inside the rendering vat of the abandoned scrapple factory. Even now it reeks of despair and waste-meat food products.

Great Scott! What can only be the rucksack of the Meldrews, fabled in song and story, lies here at the bottom of the rendering vat.
action: You take the rucksack
response: You're carrying too many things already.
action: You examine it
response: Actually, it's very tatty and greasy, saturated with long-rancid lard, stained with blood (or worse), and beginning to give at the seams. It is open and contains a tourist map of Paris and the Rod of Returning.
action: You put the toy in the box
response: Which do you mean, the Chinese food or the red cardboard box?
action: Red
response: You put the toy into the red cardboard box.
action: You examine the map
response: An exorbitantly expensive map of Paris circa 1993.
action: You examine Rod
response: One of the last remaining bits of Druidical Magic.
action: Go north
response: Once upon a time, this was a scrapple factory. The floor would have been covered in piles of barely-identifiable pig parts, awash in blood and industrial chemicals. However, those times are long gone. The conveyor belt that used to connect the Scrappelizer to the reduction vat has long since rusted into immobility. There are no doors or windows; light comes from a bare light bulb hanging in the immense empty space. The rusted Scrappelizer squats to the north, and the vat is south.

A rectangular hole allows access to the innards of the Scrappelizer.
action: You go north
response: Horrifyingly, the interior of the Scrappelizer has been remodelled into a home, of sorts. It is, in fact, the lair of a Kunkel, complete with multimedia PC.

A rectangular hole allows access to the factory.

You can also see the Kunkel here.
action: You hold Rod
response: (putting the juice glass into the rucksack to make room)

With a 'pop' and a whiff of ozone, the devil appears. "Look, I <snort> shouldn't be doing this, but if you're one of the last three people in <snort> the world who hasn't played Curses then maybe you need some instructions. To charge the rod, 'strike rod.' To use it 'point rod at <target>.' Got it?"

There is another 'pop' and the devil is gone.

Taken.
action: Strike rod
response: The Rod of Returning charges up, drawing power from ley lines, or something like that.
action: Point rod at pc
response: A flash of white light engulfs the computer, but nothing else happens.

The kunkel flinches and swears.
action: You examine the goggles
response: It's hard to see the goggles clearly, since they're on the Kunkel's face, and consequently twitching and swerving around.

The kunkel flinches and swears.
action: You point it at the goggles
response: You look ridiculous pointing the VR goggles at the VR goggles.
action: You look at what you're carrying with you
response: You are carrying:
the Rod of Returning
a rucksack (which is open)
a juice glass
a tourist map of Paris
"Sinful Delights and More: Masterpieces of Interactive Fiction, CD Edition"
a variegated mimesis plant
some Chinese food
a red cardboard box (which is open)
a toy
action: You point it at yourself
response: The Rod of Returning charges up, drawing power from ley lines, or something like that.
A flash of white light engulfs you, but nothing else happens.
action: Strike rod
response: The Rod of Returning charges up, drawing power from ley lines, or something like that.

The kunkel flinches and swears.
action: You point Rod at kunkel
response: A flash of white light engulfs the Kunkel, but nothing else happens.

The kunkel yelps.
action: You point it at Rod
response: The rod is already charged.
A flash of white light engulfs the Rod of Returning, but nothing else happens.

The kunkel yelps.
action: You eat rod
response: That's plainly inedible.
action: You examine the map
response: An exorbitantly expensive map of Paris circa 1993.
action: You give the toy to kunkel
response: (first taking the toy)
(putting the red cardboard box into the rucksack to make room)
The Kunkel is far too engrossed in its multimedia extravaganza to notice you.

The kunkel yelps.
action: Look around
response: Horrifyingly, the interior of the Scrappelizer has been remodelled into a home, of sorts. It is, in fact, the lair of a Kunkel, complete with multimedia PC.

A rectangular hole allows access to the factory.

You can also see the Kunkel here.

The kunkel flinches and swears.
action: Examine pc
response: This must be the Kunkel's computer. It's the very latest in ultra-whiz-bang mega-expensive technology. It seems to have VR goggles, a CD-ROM drive, and big speakers.
The computer is currently switched on.

The kunkel flinches and swears.
action: You turn off the pc
response: By doing so, you are striking at the very reason for the Kunkel's existence. It is not pleased.

"Please excuse the crudity of what I'm about to do, you text-based Neanderthal, but my ancestors were AGT monsters."

Its mouth opens to reveal teeth grotesquely out of proportion to the rest of its body, a fact you notice as those same teeth tear your flesh into tiny pieces.
action: Look around
response: Horrifyingly, the interior of the Scrappelizer has been remodelled into a home, of sorts. It is, in fact, the lair of a Kunkel, complete with multimedia PC.

A rectangular hole allows access to the factory.
action: You enter the hole
response: You can also see the Kunkel here.

Once upon a time, this was a scrapple factory. The floor would have been covered in piles of barely-identifiable pig parts, awash in blood and industrial chemicals. However, those times are long gone. The conveyor belt that used to connect the Scrappelizer to the reduction vat has long since rusted into immobility. There are no doors or windows; light comes from a bare light bulb hanging in the immense empty space. The rusted Scrappelizer squats to the north, and the vat is south.

A rectangular hole allows access to the innards of the Scrappelizer.
action: You go south
response: You are inside the rendering vat of the abandoned scrapple factory. Even now it reeks of despair and waste-meat food products.
action: You eat the food
response: With your bare hands? You have better manners than that.
action: You examine the belt
response: The Scrappelizer was a fairly simple machine. You dumped pigs--or whatnot--into the hopper at the top, and with a hideous squealing noise, a mass of bloody pig--or whatnot--parts would emerge on the conveyor belt, to be carried to the vat, where heat, chemicals, and
action: You point it at the scrapplizer
response: time would conspire to produce Scrapple.

The Rod of Returning charges up, drawing power from ley lines, or something like that.
You can't see any such thing.
action: You point it at Scrappelizer
response: The rod is already charged.
A flash of white light engulfs the Scrappelizer, but nothing else happens.
action: You go north
response: Horrifyingly, the interior of the Scrappelizer has been remodelled into a home, of sorts. It is, in fact, the lair of a Kunkel, complete with multimedia PC.

A rectangular hole allows access to the factory.

You can also see the Kunkel here.
action: You check what you're carrying
response: You are carrying:
a toy
the Rod of Returning
a rucksack (which is open)
a red cardboard box (which is open but empty)
a juice glass
a tourist map of Paris
"Sinful Delights and More: Masterpieces of Interactive Fiction, CD Edition"
a variegated mimesis plant
some Chinese food
action: You put the CD in the pc
response: The computer is closed.

The kunkel yelps.
action: You open the computer
response: You open the CD-ROM drive. The Kunkel's game must have come to a screeching halt, because it stops twitching, swears, and thumbs the drive door shut before you can react.

The kunkel flinches and swears.
action: You point it at CD
response: The Rod of Returning charges up, drawing power from ley lines, or something like that.
A flash of white light engulfs "Sinful Delights and More: Masterpieces of Interactive Fiction, CD Edition", but nothing else happens.

The kunkel yelps.
action: You point it at the plant
response: The Rod of Returning charges up, drawing power from ley lines, or something like that.
A flash of white light engulfs the variegated mimesis plant, but nothing else happens.

The kunkel yelps.
action: You point it at the toy
response: The Rod of Returning charges up, drawing power from ley lines, or something like that.

The kunkel yelps.
A flash of white light engulfs the toy, but nothing else happens.
action: You examine the plant
response: The Rod of Returning charges up, drawing power from ley lines, or something like that.
A flash of white light engulfs the Kunkel, but nothing else happens.

The kunkel flinches and swears.

This is a prizewinning specimen of the species Mimesis Variegans. It is dark green, with yellow stripes on its luxurious leaves. The mimesis plant thrives in low light and requires occasional watering. You've always preferred the variegated to the linear variety, yourself. This one is about ten inches high. A large bite has been taken out of one leaf. It appears well-loved. One of the leaves is ripped.
action: You point it at the cd drive
response: The Rod of Returning charges up, drawing power from ley lines, or something like that.
I only understood you as far as wanting to point the Rod of Returning at "Sinful Delights and More: Masterpieces of Interactive Fiction, CD Edition".
action: You throw the plant at Kunkel
response: The Kunkel somehow senses your impending attack. It rises and faces you.

"Please excuse the crudity of what I'm about to do, you text-based Neanderthal, but my ancestors were AGT monsters."

Its mouth opens to reveal teeth grotesquely out of proportion to the rest of its body, a fact you notice as those same teeth tear your flesh into tiny pieces.
action: Examine pc
response: This must be the Kunkel's computer. It's the very latest in ultra-whiz-bang mega-expensive technology. It seems to have VR goggles, a CD-ROM drive, and big speakers.
The computer is currently switched on.

The kunkel yelps.
action: Full
response: You have so far scored 8 out of a possible 10, in 209 turns, earning you the rank of Scrapple Warrior.
action: You look at speakers
response: The score is made up as follows:

1 Lust
1 Gluttony
1 Sloth
1 Wrath
1 Envy
1 Getting the Rod of Returning

8 total (out of 10)

This must be the Kunkel's computer. It's the very latest in ultra-whiz-bang mega-expensive technology. It seems to have VR goggles, a CD-ROM drive, and big speakers.
The computer is currently switched on.
action: You get map
response: (putting the Chinese food into the rucksack to make room)
Taken.
action: You hit Kunkel
response: The Kunkel somehow senses your impending attack. It rises and faces you.

"Please excuse the crudity of what I'm about to do, you text-based Neanderthal, but my ancestors were AGT monsters."

Its mouth opens to reveal teeth grotesquely out of proportion to the rest of its body, a fact you notice as those same teeth tear your flesh into tiny pieces.
action: You get the goggles
response: As you approach, you see that the Kunkel's face has actually grown into the goggles. Revolted, you retreat.
action: You examine drive
response: This must be the Kunkel's computer. It's the very latest in ultra-whiz-bang mega-expensive technology. It seems to have VR goggles, a CD-ROM drive, and big speakers.
The computer is currently switched on.

The kunkel yelps.
action: You pull the goggles
response: Nothing obvious happens.
action: You pull the drive
response: It is fixed in place.
action: You turn off the goggles
response: That's not something you can switch.

The kunkel yelps.
action: You unplug the goggles
response: You unplug the VR goggles.
The Kunkel sits stock-still, stunned by the loss of visual input.
action: You open the computer
response: You open the computer, revealing a CD labelled "Stiffy Makane, Space Marine".
The Kunkel begins to fumble for the cord of its VR goggles.
action: You put the CD in computer
response: Which do you mean, a CD labelled "Stiffy Makane, Space Marine" or "Sinful Delights and More: Masterpieces of Interactive Fiction, CD Edition"?
action: Masterpieces
response: There is no more room in the computer.
The Kunkel blunders around trying to reconnect the goggles.
action: You get stiffy
response: (putting the variegated mimesis plant into the rucksack to make room) Taken.
It looks as if the Kunkel is about to succeed in plugging in the goggles.
action: You put the Masterpieces in the computer
response: You put "Sinful Delights and More: Masterpieces of Interactive Fiction, CD Edition" into the computer.
The Kunkel manages to plug the goggles back into the computer.
The Kunkel sighs and closes the CD-ROM drive.
The Kunkel, not suspecting your ruse, shrieks as wave after wave of pure text pummels its senses.

With a sickening 'schlupp' the VR goggles explode from the Kunkel's face as its head splits open and it keels over, dead.
action: You look at your surroundings
response: Horrifyingly, the interior of the Scrappelizer has been remodelled into a home, of sorts. It is, in fact, the lair of a Kunkel, complete with multimedia PC.

A rectangular hole allows access to the factory.

You can also see the Kunkel and a pair of VR goggles here.
action: You look at Kunkel
response: The dead Kunkel lies on the ground, its head blown open and its eyes popped out, revealing the emptiness of its cranial cavity.
action: You look at stiffy
response: It's a garishly printed CD entitled Stiffy Makane, Space Marine.
action: You examine the goggles
response: A pair of slightly charred VR goggles, currently plugged into the computer.
action: Wear the goggles
response: (first taking the VR goggles)

Wow! Virtual reality really does work! With a sensation of great speed, you are transported to....

If nothing else, you have a good seat. The stage is only a few rows to the north. People are jammed on benches in every direction; you think the aisle is somewhere to the west.
action: Inventory
response: You are carrying:
a CD labelled "Stiffy Makane, Space Marine"
a tourist map of Paris
a toy
the Rod of Returning
a rucksack (which is open)
a variegated mimesis plant
some Chinese food
a red cardboard box (which is open but empty)
a juice glass
action: You look around
response: You are on a wide lawn just north of the entrance to the Robner estate. Directly north at the end of a pebbled path is the Robner house, flanked to the northeast and northwest by a vast expanse of well-kept lawn. Beyond the house can be seen the lakefront.
action: You look around
response: This is a featureless corridor similar to every other corridor on the ship. It curves away to starboard, and a gangway leads up. To port is the entrance to one of the ship's primary escape pods. The pod bulkhead is closed.
action: You go to the north
response: You are standing in an open field west of a white house, with a boarded front door.
action: Go east
response: A tide of perambulators surges north along the crowded Broad Walk. Shaded glades stretch away to the northeast, and a hint of color marks the western edge of the Flower Walk.
action: You point Rod at yourself
response: A flash of white light engulfs you and you awaken on the hard metal floor of the Scrappelizer. The VR goggles lie next to you as you painfully regain your feet.

Horrifyingly, the interior of the Scrappelizer has been remodelled into a home, of sorts. It is, in fact, the lair of a Kunkel, complete with multimedia PC.

A rectangular hole allows access to the factory.

You can also see a pair of VR goggles and the Kunkel here.
action: You open the drive
response: You open the computer, revealing "Sinful Delights and More: Masterpieces of Interactive Fiction, CD Edition".
action: You get the Masterpieces
response: That's already open.
Taken.
action: Close drive
response: You close the computer.
action: Wear the goggles
response: (first taking the VR goggles)

Wow! Virtual reality really does work! With a sensation of great speed, you are transported to....

A dull metal corridor, lit by flickering lights. The corridor continues west and ends in a pink door to the northeast with a pink keyhole. Painted in drippy blood on the wall are the word Shangri-La and an arrow pointing west.

The pink door bars passage to the northeast.

You hear a sinister giggling from the west somewhere.
action: You listen
response: You hear nothing unexpected.

A fearsome "HONK, HONK!" echoes from the western corridor.
action: Inventory
response: You are carrying:
a pink key
a big gun
"Sinful Delights and More: Masterpieces of Interactive Fiction, CD Edition"
a tourist map of Paris
a toy
the Rod of Returning
a rucksack (which is open)
a variegated mimesis plant
some Chinese food
a red cardboard box (which is open but empty)
a juice glass

Loud, sensual moans are coming from the west and approaching rapidly.
action: You examine the gun
response: BIG GUN KICK THE HELL OUTTA YOU!

"Pwoik, pwoik, pwoik" resounds from the west, quite nearby.
action: You look at the key
response: It is a pink cylindrical key, several inches long, and about an inch thick, with one rounded end.

A girlish shriek comes from just down the corridor.
action: About you
response: You stumble down the corridor and into a large room.

A patrol of maurauding ultravixens has entered the area. Your big gun is no match for their power. Swiftly they crush you to death between their thighs.

Please give one of the answers above.
action: About yourself
response: Please give one of the answers above.
action: About yourself
response: As good-looking as ever.

A patrol of maurauding ultravixens has entered the area. Your big gun is no match for their power. Swiftly they crush you to death between their thighs.
action: You unlock door
response: What do you want to unlock the pink door with?
action: Key
response: You insert the key into the keyhole. It throbs and vanishes. The door opens, like a flower blooming.

"Pwoik, pwoik, pwoik" resounds from the west, quite nearby.
action: You go to the northeast
response: Ganymede Base Room J-14-B-3.2
This is a tiny room full of evil-looking machines and flashing lights. The only exit is southwest.

You can see Black here.

A girlish shriek comes from just down the corridor.
action: You look at machines
response: Yes, this is just scenery. Just like in Doom.

Just outside the door, someone screams "Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhahhhhhhhhhh!"
action: You examine Black
response: As attractive as ever. Black appears to be unconscious and bolted into some sort of evil-looking machine.

"EEEEEK!" comes from the southwest
action: Kiss black
response: This is hardly the time for romance.

You hear a girlish voice reminiscing about the delights of "Cabin Boy", just to the southwest.
action: Strike rod
response: The Rod of Returning charges up, drawing power from ley lines, or something like that.

You hear the squeaking of silicone-enhanced breasts rubbing together, coming your way!
action: You point it at Black
response: A flash of white light engulfs Black. There is a huge noise and white blots out your vision as the rod melts in your hands....

....and, hours later, you awaken on the floor of the Scrappelizer, Black, crying, dabbing at your forehead with a cloth.

"I'm really sorry," are Black's first words. "White was such a bore. Never let me do anything I wanted to, kept preventing me from wrecking history, always sketching animals in that dumb little book. So naturally I accepted a lift from the first cattle-mutilating ultravixen that came along, and you see where that got me. Thanks for rescuing me. The fate I would have suffered at the hands of those ultravixens..."

Black (simply):
Ah, my love. Can you forgive me?
action: No
response: You:
Your actual words have been censored, at the request of Andrew Plotkin, who feels like you should actually play his game So Far to find out what this response is. So go play it. When you get there, you'll understand.

Black begins to weep, then looks confused, then looks angry, then looks resigned, then looks inspired, then looks determined. "I have no idea what you mean. I mean, you could mean that, no, you don't forgive me, and it doesn't matter what I did that needs forgiveness because it's far too late. Or maybe you mean that what I've done is irrelevant and thus you don't need to forgive me. Which strikes me as kind of arrogant, because I'd hardly call leaving you, attempting to destroy the multiverse, concealing both our genders through the course of a long and rocky relationship, and forgetting to water the plant irrelevant. Or maybe you..." Black's head shakes from side to side. "I dunno. But I do know one thing: you're stuck with me at least until we figure out how to get out of here."

Then Black sees the houseplant: "My goodness, what have you done to that poor mimesis plant?"

So it's not perfect. But what is? And, all things considered, at the end of the day you really can't think of anyone with whom you'd rather be trapped in an abandoned scrapple factory.

*** You have won ***

In that game you scored 10 out of a possible 10, in 250 turns, earning you the rank of Master Mimetic.
action: Yes
response: That was a rhetorical question.

A patrol of maurauding ultravixens has entered the area. Your big gun is no match for their power. Swiftly they crush you to death between their thighs.
action: Yes
response: You:
Your actual words have been censored, at the request of Andrew Plotkin, who feels like you should actually play his game So Far to find out what this response is. So go play it. When you get there, you'll understand.

Black smiles through the tears. "That's really sweet of you, but you know you're full of it. There's a lot to forgive: leaving you, attempting to wreck the course of the Twentieth Century, forgetting to water the plant..." Black bursts into tears again.

Then Black sees the houseplant: "My goodness, what have you done to that poor mimesis plant?"

So it's not perfect. But what is? And, all things considered, at the end of the day you really can't think of anyone with whom you'd rather be trapped in an abandoned scrapple factory.

*** You have won ***

In that game you scored 10 out of a possible 10, in 250 turns, earning you the rank of Master Mimetic.
action: Maybe
response: Please give one of the answers above.
action: Maybe
response: Black blinks. "Oh. Yes. That's right. Now I remember why I left you in the first place. You're a wuss." Then Black picks up the Kunkel's corpse and beats you to death with it.
action: Y.
response: That was a rhetorical question.
action: Tame
response: There is no tame mode in this game! How would we ever sell Fox the rights to it?
action: Racy
response: Racy mode on.
action: Lewd
response: Lewd mode on. No age checks, no verification. Just raw, unadulterated lewdness.
action: Kiss plant
response: There is a sharp crackling and a sudden smell of ozone, as something appears in your hand.
You plant a kiss on the mimesis. Your kiss deepens. Your embrace becomes hot and heavy and you surrender to the delights of floral sex. In the words of Stiffy Makane, Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhahhhhhhhhhh!
action: Fuck plant
response: You plant a kiss on the mimesis. Your kiss deepens. Your embrace becomes hot and heavy and you surrender to the delights of floral sex. In the words of Stiffy Makane, Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhahhhhhhhhhh!
action: You ask the devil about Bob
response: "How did you know my <snort> name? Did you use DejaNews?"
action: Go east
response: Your mimesis plant squats in its pot in a corner of the room, slowly photosynthesizing.

This is your kitchen: walls papered in a yellow floral design, counter, cabinet, stove, table, chairs, fridge, microwave, and so on. The living room is west.

On the counter is a juice glass (which is empty).
action: You examine the fork
response: Your basic four-tined dinner fork.
action: You examine the counter
response: This is a standard stained and scarred formica counter. It's white, where it isn't stained.
action: You look in the sink
response: In the kitchen sink is a fork.
action: You press the button
response: The microwave beeps petulantly.
action: You press the button
response: You close the microwave.
Oooh! Look at all the pretty, pretty sparks!
action: You open it
response: You open the microwave, revealing a fork.
action: You examine the fork
response: Your basic four-tined dinner fork.
action: You get the food
response: You open the refrigerator, revealing some Chinese food.
Taken.
action: You press the button
response: There is no more room in the microwave.
Taken.
You close the microwave.
The microwave hums briefly.
action: You eat it with the fork
response: You open the microwave.
You already have that.
I only understood you as far as wanting to eat the Chinese food.
action: You put the food in the microwave
response: You put the Chinese food into the microwave.
action: You press button
response: You close the microwave.
The tantalizing aroma of hot Chinese food assails your nostrils.
action: You eat it
response: You open the microwave, revealing some Chinese food.
Taken.
It's actually pretty tasty. So tasty, in fact, that you eat the carton too in your enthusiasm.
action: You check what you're carrying
response: You are carrying:
a fork
a diskette case
"The Incredibly Erotic Adventures of Stiffy Makane"
action: You look at your surroundings
response: This is your kitchen: walls papered in a yellow floral design, counter, cabinet, stove, table, chairs, fridge, microwave, and so on. The living room is west.
action: Kiss kunkel
response: Horrifyingly, the interior of the Scrappelizer has been remodelled into a home, of sorts. It is, in fact, the lair of a Kunkel, complete with multimedia PC.

A rectangular hole allows access to the factory.

You can also see the Kunkel here.
Ugh.

The kunkel yelps.
action: You eat the rucksack
response: (first taking the rucksack)
You're carrying too many things already.
action: You put all in the sack
response: "Sinful Delights and More: Masterpieces of Interactive Fiction, CD Edition": Done.
variegated mimesis plant: Done.
Chinese food: Done.
toy: Done.
red cardboard box: Done.
juice glass: Done.
action: You eat the rucksack
response: (first taking the rucksack)
That's plainly inedible.
action: Smell rucksack
response: The sack smells revoltingly of pork byproducts.
action: You taste it
response: Something like pork rinds, only really disgusting.
action: You go north
response: Horrifyingly, the interior of the Scrappelizer has been remodelled into a home, of sorts. It is, in fact, the lair of a Kunkel, complete with multimedia PC.

A rectangular hole allows access to the factory.

You can also see the Kunkel here.

The kunkel flinches and swears.
action: Smell kunkel
response: The Kunkel smells of sweat, adrenaline, and poor hygiene. Add that to the stench of the Scrappelizer...

The kunkel flinches and swears.
action: Taste kunkel
response: No.

The kunkel yelps.
action: Wear goggles
response: (first taking the VR goggles)

Wow! Virtual reality really does work! With a sensation of great speed, you are transported to....

The attics, full of low beams and awkward angles, begin here in a relatively tidy area which extends north, south and east. The wooden floorboards seem fairly sound, just as well considering how heavy all these teachests are. But the old wiring went years ago, and there's no electric light.
action: You get the map
response: The bedroom is a mess.
It is a small bedroom with a faded carpet and old wallpaper. There is a washbasin, a chair with a tatty dressing gown slung over it, and a window with the curtains drawn. Near the exit leading south is a phone.
action: You wait for a while
response: A tide of perambulators surges north along the crowded Broad Walk. Shaded glades stretch away to the northeast, and a hint of color marks the western edge of the Flower Walk.
action: You wait for a while
response: You are standing in an open field west of a white house, with a boarded front door.
action: You wait
response: You stand at a point of decision on a road which makes a wide fork to the northeast and southeast, circling the base of the Lonely Mountain, which looms high overhead to the east. A very long and winding road starts here and stretches out of sight to the west through low, smoky hills.
action: You wait awhile
response: You are standing at the end of a road before a small brick building. Around you is a forest. A small stream flows out of the building and down a gully.
action: Wait
response: The bedroom is a mess.
It is a small bedroom with a faded carpet and old wallpaper. There is a washbasin, a chair with a tatty dressing gown slung over it, and a window with the curtains drawn. Near the exit leading south is a phone.

This is a featureless corridor similar to every other corridor on the ship. It curves away to starboard, and a gangway leads up. To port is the entrance to one of the ship's primary escape pods. The pod bulkhead is closed.
action: Wait
response: An undistinguished bar, yet the social center of Upper Sandusky. The front door is almost lost amidst the hazy maze of neon that shrouds the grimy glass of the south wall. Doors marked "Ladies" and "Gents" lead, respectively, northeast and northwest.
action: Wait
response: The attics, full of low beams and awkward angles, begin here in a relatively tidy area which extends north, south and east. The wooden floorboards seem fairly sound, just as well considering how heavy all these teachests are. But the old wiring went years ago, and there's no electric light.
action: You drop the map
response: Well now, you just did an end run around the whole idea of the Curse Of The Meldrews, didn't you? Your impulsive action has destroyed the entire fabric of the multiverse, and you along with it.
action: You get the Masterpieces
response: You open the computer, revealing "Sinful Delights and More: Masterpieces of Interactive Fiction, CD Edition".
Taken.
action: Wear goggles
response: You put a CD labelled "Stiffy Makane, Space Marine" into the computer. (first taking the VR goggles)
You put the goggles on, but they show nothing, so you remove them.
action: Wear the goggles
response: You close the computer.

Wow! Virtual reality really does work! With a sensation of great speed, you are transported to....

A dull metal corridor, lit by flickering lights. The corridor continues west and ends in a pink door to the northeast with a pink keyhole. Painted in drippy blood on the wall are the word Shangri-La and an arrow pointing west.

The pink door bars passage to the northeast.

You hear a sinister giggling from the west somewhere.
action: You go to the northeast
response: You can't, since the pink door is in the way.

A fearsome "HONK, HONK!" echoes from the western corridor.
action: Key
response: You insert the key into the keyhole. It throbs and vanishes. The door opens, like a flower blooming.

Loud, sensual moans are coming from the west and approaching rapidly.
action: Go northeast
response: Ganymede Base Room J-14-B-3.2
This is a tiny room full of evil-looking machines and flashing lights. The only exit is southwest.

You can see Black here.

"Pwoik, pwoik, pwoik" resounds from the west, quite nearby.
action: You attack black
response: You beast! Fortunately, (at least for karmic justice) before you can attack, there comes a noise from the doorway.

A patrol of maurauding ultravixens has entered the area. Your big gun is no match for their power. Swiftly they crush you to death between their thighs.