The Day of the Queen
by Marius Müller (2015)
Genres: Humor

"I thought you were done with this!" yells Paul and hits the gas. "You mean running away from Sharkmen?" "Getting us in trouble!" he grumbles and handbrakes the golf cart around a corner.

action: %
response: "I thought you were done with this!" yells Paul and hits the
gas.
"You mean running away from Sharkmen?"
"Getting us in trouble!" he grumbles and handbrakes the golf cart around a corner.
You kiss him quickly on the cheek. "I know that's why you love
me!"
He tries to look grumpy and fails adorably. "How did we get into
it this time, anyway?"
"Well, as you know, my mind was transferred into a little girl
while we were on a plane, and you told the sky marshal we were married. So I was locked into the bathroom while he dealt with you. Little did anyone know it would turn out to be..."

This is barely big enough to turn around in. You seriously wonder how anyone manages to join the Miles High Club. It has a stainless steel sink, a toilet, and that's about it.

And there's an air vent high up on the wall.

A book lies here, undoubtedly forgotten by a previous visitor.
action: You take the book
response: Taken.

Suddenly, the planes PA system crackles. Someone is clearing their throat.
action: You look at the book
response: It's the unbelievably boring "Death to my Enemies" by J. Blask.

"Earthlings! This is the Queen of Hurts and Maladies. Your new
ruler."
action: You enter the vent
response: (first opening air vent)
Gngr. Seems to be stuck.

"You might have noticed coworkers,neighbors, loved ones and even family turning into half-human, half-animal hybrids. #sharkpeople is even trending on Twitter."
action: You check what you're carrying
response: You are carrying:
a book

"You might wonder how I managed to infect 26.3 % of the
population. Well, that was easy, my mutation virus was hidden in the latest flu vaccine."
(So vaccinations are dangerous! You knew it!)
action: You examine the toilet
response: A normal, stainless steel airplane toilet.

"And before you think of resistance because you're still the
majority, please be advised that the world's most powerful leader has already surrended the Earth."
(Oh shit, you got a flu shot! Phew, thankful that was a different body). And Paul hasn't gotten around to his. Scared of needles, that big wuss.)
action: Flush toilet
response: You waste some water, you monster.

"Xi Jinping was forthcoming in every regard."
action: You look in drain
response: The drain is empty.

The PA cackles one last time and is silent.
action: About yourself
response: Hm, looks like you're still an 11-year old girl in a polkadot dress.
action: Look around
response: This is barely big enough to turn around in. It has a stainless steel sink, a toilet, and that's about it.

And there's an air vent high up on the wall.
action: You look at what you're carrying with you
response: You are carrying:
a book
action: You read the book
response: You don't feel you need some sleep right about now.

That can't be read.
action: You open the door
response: (first unlocking the bathroom door)
You lack a key that fits the bathroom door.
action: Flush toilet
response: You waste some water, you monster.
action: You put the book in the drain
response: It's not round! This book is even more useless than you thought.
action: You enter vent
response: (first opening air vent)
Gngr. Seems to be stuck.
action: Examine vent
response: A simple metallic grille, with four metallic plates in the corner.

Whoa! A pair of red eyes is staring back at you! Oh wait, it's your mercurian rat, named ... uh ... in all the commotion of dying and body swapping I totally forgot its name ... Well, I'm sure you remember and will just name it again.
action: You examine the plates
response: There are four rectangular squares, one in each corner. You notice a small, black spot on one of them.
action: You examine the spot
response: The blank spot is uneven, like it has grooves.
action: Turn spot
response: Nothing obvious happens.
action: You examine the ellison
response: Aww, just look at it. It has a pear-shaped body, with small, scrawny leg and feet.its thick, soft fur is mostly brown with a huge white spot on the tummy. It looks at you lovingly.
action: South
response: Ellison has better things to do.
action: You open the vent
response: Gngr. Seems to be stuck.
action: You take the spot
response: That seems to be a part of air vent.
action: You ask the spot about the spot
response: You can only do that to something animate.
action: Look around
response: This is barely big enough to turn around in. It has a stainless steel sink, a toilet, and that's about it.

And there's an air vent high up on the wall.
action: You examine the grooves
response: The grooves seem to form some sort letters.
action: You read the grooves
response: That can't be read.

That can't be read.
action: You turn the faucet on
response: You can't see any such thing.

> HOLD VENT

That's hardly portable.

You waste some water, you monster. So you switch it back off.

You switch Faucet on.
action: You examine the faucet
response: Faucet is currently switched off.
action: Examine book
response: It's the unbelievably boring "Death to my Enemies" by J. Blask.
action: You examine the h.
response: The bar of the H, miniscule as it is, catches your eye.
action: Examine bar
response: Hey, it's a miniature button.
action: You enter VENT
response: A featureless air duct, which continues north.

The robot zips toward you, the whirr of its razor blades incredible loud and - uh, let's leave the rest to your imagination. Kids may be playing! Hey kids! The robot bought you a farm where you live happily ever after.
action: You give book to robot
response: Robot doesn't seem interested.

The robot zips toward you, the whirr of its razor blades incredible loud and - uh, let's leave the rest to your imagination. Kids may be playing! Hey kids! The robot bought you a farm where you live happily ever after.
action: You look at the robot
response: Roomba's bigger brother mainly consists of a set of razor sharp rotor blades, cutting everything in its part. On the back it has a brush and some cleaning fluid, but those seem unimportant to you now. Its back is all shining stell, but you bet its belly is just porous plastic.

The robot zips toward you, the whirr of its razor blades incredible loud and - uh, let's leave the rest to your imagination. Kids may be playing! Hey kids! The robot bought you a farm where you live happily ever after.
action: Flush toilet
response: You waste some water, you monster.

The robot zips toward you, the whirr of its razor blades incredible loud and - uh, let's leave the rest to your imagination. Kids may be playing! Hey kids! The robot bought you a farm where you live happily ever after.
action: You throw the book at the robot
response: You lack the nerve when it comes to the crucial moment.

The robot zips toward you, the whirr of its razor blades incredible loud and - uh, let's leave the rest to your imagination. Kids may be playing! Hey kids! The robot bought you a farm where you live happily ever after.
action: You put the Robot in the drain
response: (first taking Robot)
It would cut of your fingers. And Marsha would miss them!

The robot zips toward you, the whirr of its razor blades incredible loud and - uh, let's leave the rest to your imagination. Kids may be playing! Hey kids! The robot bought you a farm where you live happily ever after.
action: You stand on the toilet
response: You quickly jump onto the toilet, with the robot zig-zags around the floor, buzzing with inhuman hatred.
action: You enter the air vent
response: You would have to get off the toilet first.
action: You read the book
response: You don't feel you need some sleep right about now.

That can't be read.
action: You show the book to the Robot
response: Robot is unimpressed.
action: You put the Robot in the drain
response: (first taking Robot)
It would cut of your fingers. And Marsha would miss them!
action: You examine the Robot
response: Roomba's bigger brother mainly consists of a set of razor sharp rotor blades, cutting everything in its part. On the back it has a brush and some cleaning fluid, but those seem unimportant to you now. Its back is all shining stell, but you bet its belly is just porous plastic.
action: Drop book
response: Dropped.
action: You ask the Robot about the knives
response: Robot says something really important.
action: You turn on the water
response: You switch on the (warm) water, and the rat watches stoically (occasionally giving you the evil eye), as the water rise up to it's neck and overflows. In about 5 turns the whole floor is covered in water and the cleaning robot soons emits a sharp crackling noise and sparks fly around its underbelly. Then it lies still. It still emits the occasional crackle, however, and you don't think it's safe to descent the toilet.
Ellison jumps out of the sink onto the toilet and begins to clean himself with stoic indignation worthy of a cat.
action: You enter VENT
response: You would have to get off the toilet first.
action: Leave
response: For you, it might bring back pleasent memories of the time they tried Electroconvulsive therapy at the Mayo Clinic. But you're pretty sure this girl's body couldn't handle it.

As the chaos dies down, you hear a faint voice through the door. Paul! "Alex, it's me!"
"Paul! Don't come in. The room is flooded and the water is electric!" "I leave you alone for one minute ... anyway, listen! 26.3 % of the people on this plane have turned into Sharkmen."
"Only the biosex males?"
"Okay, okay, into Sharkpeople. Anyway, listen: I'll try to be as inconspicuous  as possible, but they're looking for you. It's only a matter of time till they found out you're stuck in that unfortunate body."
"Well, my original body is rotting in an endless chasm on Mercury, so..."
"One thing at a time. You know that multitasking is horrible for your stress level."
"What is your plan?"
"Your soul has wandered before, and I don't mean that krokodil you did with those Russian dealers. When you saved me, you jumped into -" "Enough exposition and recap! You're saying I should find a way to jump into Ellison?"
But Paul doesn't answer, and there's the some commotion outside the door.
"Get him!" says a deep, dark Sharkman voice.
"Don't hurt me!"
"Why not?"
"Please, I'll tell you literally everything!"
"Where is your husband?"
"Okay, maybe I meant figurativ-ouch"
It sickens you to your stomach as you hear something heavy slump against the door. A second later someone bangs on the door.
"Open up! Sharkpolice!"
"Sorry, sir, I'm a little girl with Typhoid fever and you don't want to come in here!"
(You knew all this Victorian novels Paul made you read would be good for something at some point.)
"Uh...okay" says the Sharkpoliceman, uncertainty in his voice. "Then, uh, stay in there till we land. And you guys, carry this scum away."
action: You stand
response: For you, it might bring back pleasent memories of the time they tried Electroconvulsive therapy at the Mayo Clinic. But you're pretty sure this girl's body couldn't handle it.
action: You get Ellison
response: Ellison scurries away from you, sits on another corner of the toilet and shoots angry glances up at you. Then he continues to lick his fur.
action: You enter VENT
response: Ellison has better things to do.
action: You put the rat in VENT
response: Ellison struggles in your arms. He really doesn't want to go back in there.
action: You take the Robot
response: You would electrocute yourself. And not in the cool way, like the guy in Amazing Spiderman 2. That was a great movie.
action: You show the book to Ellison
response: Ellison is unimpressed.
action: You tell Ellison about book
response: Squeak squeak, squeak. Squeak squeak :"Squeak squeak Squeak!" Squeak squeak squeak."
Oh, Paul send him here to help you escape the bathroom. That's good. "Squeak, squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak. Squeak, squeak squeak? Squeak."
But now he's hunted by an insance duct cleaning robot? That's, um, less good.
Behind the rat, you hear a faint whirring sound, somewhere in the dark of the duct.

Oh no! The robot is getting closer and closer to the rat! It's only 5m away!
action: You talk to Ellison
response: "Squeak!" declares Ellison and nuzzles your hand affectionally with his cold snout.

Oh no! The robot is getting closer and closer to the rat! It's only 4m away!
action: You climb the toilet
response: I don't think much is to be achieved by that.

Oh no! The robot is getting closer and closer to the rat! It's only 3m away!
action: Close VENT
response: You close air vent.

Oh no! The robot is getting closer and closer to the rat! It's only 1m away!
action: Look around
response: This is barely big enough to turn around in. It has a stainless steel sink, a toilet, and that's about it.

And there's an air vent high up on the wall.

The deadly cleaning robot zips towards you!

The robot zips toward you, the whirr of its razor blades incredible loud and - uh, let's leave the rest to your imagination. Kids may be playing! Hey kids! The robot bought you a farm where you live happily ever after.
action: You wait awhile
response: Time passes.
action: You open the door
response: (first unlocking the bathroom door)
You lack a key that fits the bathroom door.
action: You go downward
response: You would have to get off the toilet first.

As the chaos dies down, you hear a faint voice through the door. Paul! "Alex, it's me!"
"Paul! Don't come in. The room is flooded and the water is electric!" "I leave you alone for one minute ... anyway, listen! 26.3 % of the people on this plane have turned into Sharkmen."
"Only the biosex males?"
"Okay, okay, into Sharkpeople. Anyway, listen: I'll try to be as inconspicuous  as possible, but they're looking for you. It's only a matter of time till they found out you're stuck in that unfortunate body."
"Well, my original body is rotting in an endless chasm on Mercury, so..."
"One thing at a time. You know that multitasking is horrible for your stress level."
"What is your plan?"
"Your soul has wandered before, and I don't mean that krokodil you did with those Russian dealers. When you saved me, you jumped into -" "Enough exposition and recap! You're saying I should find a way to jump into Ellison?"
But Paul doesn't answer, and there's the some commotion outside the door.
"Get him!" says a deep, dark Sharkman voice.
"Don't hurt me!"
"Why not?"
"Please, I'll tell you literally everything!"
"Where is your husband?"
"Okay, maybe I meant figurativ-ouch"
It sickens you to your stomach as you hear something heavy slump against the door. A second later someone bangs on the door.
"Open up! Sharkpolice!"
"Sorry, sir, I'm a little girl with Typhoid fever and you don't want to come in here!"
(You knew all this Victorian novels Paul made you read would be good for something at some point.)
"Uh...okay" says the Sharkpoliceman, uncertainty in his voice. "Then, uh, stay in there till we land. And you guys, carry this scum away."
action: Pet rat
response: You run a hand across his soft back, and he arches it, cat-like, with half-closed eyes.
action: You jump
response: You jump on the spot.
action: You touch rat
response: You pat him on his thick stomach, which he takes stoically.
action: You read the book
response: You begin to read. "It was only seconds ago that the sound of a gunshot caught you off guard.". Already your eyelids beging to drop. Soon you fall asleep. There is a a dream sequence cut for length and as you open your eyes you find yourself not yourself at all...

Airplane Bathroom (on the toilet)
This room is gigantic! From up here on the toilet you see a deadly ocean of electrified water, a huge sink (forever out of reach) and an Air Vent high up on the wall, almost reachable.

The dead husk of the robot lies here, sparking occasionally.

On the toilet you can see Marsha.
action: You look at Marsha
response: Aww. She's asleep. But, apart from that, you think you could use here as a stepping stone to enter the air vent.
action: About yourself
response: Aww, just look at you. You have a pear-shaped body, with small, scrawny leg and feet.Your thick, soft fur is mostly brown with a huge white spot on the tummy.
action: You pet yourself
response: You scratch him between the ears, and he sits very still and closes his eyes.
action: You enter Vent
response: You climb onto Marsha's side with some effort. Man, living the cage life on cheese and crackers has not prepared you for this. It's all Paul's fault, you muse, as you take aim at the opening of the air duct, he's far too nice to this rat. Then again, he is, or was, too you. You feel a pang of longing for the old home life, with your rampages on New Year's Day the only break in the blissful monotony. And then you jump.
Small feet scramble on the smooth wall as gravity takes an unflatteringly strong hold on your rear end. You scratch and push and scowl, but finally you're in the air vent. You rest there for a minute and listen to your heartbeat, resting flat on the cool metal. You count 387 beats a minute and hope that's in the normal range.

A featureless air duct, which continues north.
action: You go north
response: Amidst all the noise from the plane you seem to hear a faint whirring sound.You don't feel safe at all. NOT AT ALL SAVE. Oops, typo. I meant safe.
action: Go north
response: The strange whirring seems to grow louder. And then a shadow covers the square of light from the air vent behind you. The robot has returned, fueled more by vengeance than his 12 AA batteries! A terrible monstrosity of broken wiring and hatred, it ever so slowy rolls towards you, the huge blades in front of it scraping the edges of the air duct.

The robot is very close! The air from the endlessly twirling blades, which will soon hack you to pieces, is still quite refreshing.
action: Go south
response: A featureless air duct, which continues north.

The robot is very close! The air from the endlessly twirling blades, which will soon hack you to pieces, is still quite refreshing.
action: Go south
response: A featureless air duct, which continues north.

The robot is here!

The robot has caught up to you! The last thing you see are the whirling blades and ... uh, kids ... then you talk about your differences and decide on a course of action everyone can agree on.
action: Examine duct
response: Which do you mean, Air Duct or Air Duct?
action: You look
response: A featureless air duct, which continues north.

Robot arrives from the south.

The robot has caught up to you! The last thing you see are the whirling blades and ... uh, kids ... then you talk about your differences and decide on a course of action everyone can agree on.
action: Go north
response: The air duct ends here.

There is a grating here, leading outside the plane to the north.
action: Go north
response: (first opening the grating)
It's still wired firmly to the wall!
action: You examine the grating
response: A sturdy metal grating, looped to the wall not so sturdily with some loops of wire, on in each corner.

The robot is very close! The air from the endlessly twirling blades, which will soon hack you to pieces, is still quite refreshing.
action: Bite wire
response: Which do you mean, the upper right wire, the upper left wire, the lower right wire or the lower left wire?
action: Upper right
response: You gnaw off the upper right wire.
action: Bite lower left
response: You gnaw off the lower left wire.

Robot arrives from the south.

The robot has caught up to you! The last thing you see are the whirling blades and ... uh, kids ... then you talk about your differences and decide on a course of action everyone can agree on.
action: Go north
response: A featureless air duct, which continues north.

The strange whirring seems to grow louder. And then a shadow covers the square of light from the air vent behind you. The robot has returned, fueled more by vengeance than his 12 AA batteries! A terrible monstrosity of broken wiring and hatred, it ever so slowy rolls towards you, the huge blades in front of it scraping the edges of the air duct.

The robot is very close! The air from the endlessly twirling blades, which will soon hack you to pieces, is still quite refreshing.

A featureless air duct, which continues north.

A featureless air duct, which continues north.
action: Go north
response: A featureless air duct, which continues north.

A featureless air duct, which continues north.
action: Go north
response: The air duct ends here.

There is a grating here, leading outside the plane to the north.

(first opening the grating)
It's still wired firmly to the wall!
action: Go north
response: The air duct ends here.

There is a grating here, leading outside the plane to the north.

(first opening the grating)
It's still wired firmly to the wall!
action: Bite upper left
response: You gnaw off the upper left wire.
action: Bite upper right
response: You gnaw off the upper right wire.
action: Bite lower left
response: You gnaw off the lower left wire.
action: Bite lower right
response: You gnaw off the lower right wire.
action: You go to the north
response: (first opening the grating)
Looking back at the half crazed machine, and looking down into the deceptively calm blue of the sky, you ponder for a moment. A gust of wind makes the decision for you and whips you out of the plane with a surprised squeak!

So much blue...
action: Up
response: Gravity disagrees!
action: You jump
response: Nope, the only thing you can do here is fall.
action: You go downwards
response: A small shadow blocks out the sun for a minute. That crazy robot has jumped out of the plane as well, following you! Soon it has caught up with you. You feel rather safe, though.
action: You look
response: So much blue...

The robot is tumbling down towards Earth besides you.
action: You examine the Robot
response: Falling towards Earth next to you, its propeller harmlessly slicing the air, the mechanical underbelly of the beast is exposed.
You notice a small hatch.
action: You look at the hatch
response: A small, metal hatch, and a keypad besides it. A sticker reads: "CONTAINS PARACHUTE. In case you're robot mindlessly chases rodents or other critters into dangerous territory. Will be deployed automatically at a height of 5000 ft. Enter 4-digit PIN-code to open manually. Please don't use a number that's easily guessable."
action: Type 1234
response: The keypad just beeps.

There is no keypad here.
action: Type 2014
response: The keypad just beeps.

There is no keypad here.

The keypad just beeps.

There is no keypad here.
action: You look at the keypad
response: Numbers from 0-9, the usual stick.
action: Type 0001
response: That was easy!
The hatch swings open.
action: You look in the hatch
response: In the hatch is a small parachute.
action: You take the parachute
response: You take the parachute.
action: You wear it
response: You put on the small parachute.
action: You take the parachute
response: You already have that.
action: You look at it
response: It's adorable! It has small shoulder straps and everything, and the tiniest pullcord.
action: You pull the pullcord
response: *flop*
The parachute opens and you beging slowly drifting towards the ground, while the robot becomes a smaller and smaller speck below. After some time, you land.
But what now? The plane gets smaller and smaller, as it flies away high above you. You have no way to find out what they're doing to Paul and all your other friends, being just a small rat stranded somewhere in the middle of nowhere. Looks like there's nothing but wallow in self-pity for months now.

Some generic farmland.
action: Go north
response: Ah, but what's the use?
action: Inventory
response: You are carrying:
a small parachute (being worn)
action: You remove parachute
response: You take off the small parachute.
action: You drop it
response: Dropped.
action: You think
response: What a good idea.
action: Sleep
response: Though this rat, like any good pet, can fall asleep at any time, you don't feel this is a good time to do so. Maybe later.
action: You look
response: Some generic farmland.

You can see a small parachute here.
action: Go north
response: (first opening front door)
Uh oh! There is a cat flap. You slip through it, hoping for the best.

A small hallway, brightly lit by a row of Alien Tech(tm) powered neon lights. Dark wooden stairs lead upwards, and a doorframe opens east into the Living Room. A small door under the stairs lead into a storage closet. (Referred to by Paul only as "The Potter Room".)

You can see a chest of drawers (closed) here.
action: You go east
response: This is a spacious, cool room. It once was busy and always kinda untidy. Now, all that's left of the furniture are the two couches, covered in white plastic wrapping.
A door leads south to the kitchen.

A cloning machine sits in a corner.

An opened letter lies forgotten on the floor.
action: You read the letter
response: Dear Dr. Elbe,
we here at HAM are sad to inform you that your delivery for
Time machine parts
by drone has failed. It seems our delivery drone was shot down by the Air Force somewhere over Spielertor National Park. We can reattempt delivery of a new copy in 2-3 years.
Has this answered your question, please leave a rating etc.
action: You examine machine
response: You saw a similiar one on Mercury. It has one human-sized vat and an input slot. The only other feature is a big, red lever labelled "CLONE".
action: Examine slot
response: Looks like it's meant to contain a very small sample of DNA.
action: You go south
response: You were beginning to wonder where all the Sharkmen guards were. Looks like they're sitting around the kitchen table, eating and chatting. Better leave them alone.
action: Go west
response: A small hallway, brightly lit by a row of Alien Tech(tm) powered neon lights. Dark wooden stairs lead upwards, and a doorframe opens east into the Living Room. A small door under the stairs lead into a storage closet. (Referred to by Paul only as "The Potter Room".)

You can see a chest of drawers (closed) here.
action: Up
response: Oof! You'd need to be a lot fitter to even try that.
action: You look at the small door
response: A small wooden door. It's slightly ajar.
action: You enter door
response: Which do you mean, front door or the small door?
action: Inside
response: Good thing the door to the Potter room was slightly ajar.

Shelves are nailed to the leaning wall.

In a corner stands a box labelled "Alex' things". That gives you a little pang. You almost forgot Paul thought you were dead for quite a while.
action: You look at the box
response: In the box are a razor, a cardboard tube, a key and a wedding ring.
action: You examine the razor
response: Hey, it's your old, uh, body razor. Unfortunately, it's quite dull and no use as this game's cutting thing.

On the razor is a hair.
action: You examine tube
response: A simple cardboard tube, open on one end. Seems pretty useless. (So it probably isn't).
action: You look at the key
response: Paul gave this to you for one of your birthdays. While he doesn't condone your habit of stealing and destroying golf carts from the course next door, he shows support. It's a skeleton key, that can open 95% of all golf carts in the world, and you've tried at least 34 models so far.
action: You examine the ring
response: It's a simple and golden.
action: You get the hair
response: Taken.
action: Leave
response: A small hallway, brightly lit by a row of Alien Tech(tm) powered neon lights. Dark wooden stairs lead upwards, and a doorframe opens east into the Living Room. A small door under the stairs lead into a storage closet. (Referred to by Paul only as "The Potter Room".)

You can see a chest of drawers (closed) here.
action: You look at hair
response: Judging from color and length is defintetely one of yours.
action: You put the hair in the slot
response: Ellison put the hair into the slot.
action: You look at the cloning machine
response: You saw a similiar one on Mercury. It has one human-sized vat and an input slot. The only other feature is a big, red lever labelled "CLONE".
action: You pull the lever
response: The machines makes some weird, gurgling noises, then it hisses and the vat fills with green smoke. The smokes gets thicker and thicker. For a few seconds, nothing happens, then the machine goes *ding!*, the vat opens and a figure emerges.
action: You look at the figure
response: This is Alex, lovable sociopath. Well, a clone. For fear of offending any sensibilites, the clone emerged fully clothed from the vat.
action: Sleep
response: You quickly fall asleep.

This is a spacious, cool room. It once was busy and always kinda untidy. Now, all that's left of the furniture are the two couches, covered in white plastic wrapping.
A door leads south to the kitchen.

A cloning machine sits in a corner.

An opened letter lies forgotten on the floor.

You can also see Ellison here.

Awesome! Finally, after a game spent either death or in some ridiculous form, you're back in a copy of your own body. As an added bonus, this clone body is like 10 years younger than you were. You quickly check it's extremities and find them complete, in the right place and of expected length.
action: You talk to Alex
response: You says something really important.
action: You get the letter
response: You better let him rest a spell. He's earned a rest.

Taken.
action: You read it
response: Dear Dr. Elbe,
we here at HAM are sad to inform you that your delivery for
Time machine parts
by drone has failed. It seems our delivery drone was shot down by the Air Force somewhere over Spielertor National Park. We can reattempt delivery of a new copy in 2-3 years.
Has this answered your question, please leave a rating etc.
action: Open chest
response: You open the chest of drawers, revealing a bottle and The Arabian Nights: Tales of 1001 Nights.
action: You examine bottle
response: A cute retro bottle that once contained some hand lotion. It's made of glass and has a plastic stopper. Also a pirate on the label. Not sure what connects pirates and hand lotions, but when you told Paul this, he just scoffed "That's why you're not in marketing, dear."
action: You examine arabian Nights
response: Paul's Penguin edition copy of this timeless classic.
action: You take all from the chest
response: bottle: Taken.
The Arabian Nights: Tales of 1001 Nights: Taken.
action: You check your inventory
response: You are carrying:
The Arabian Nights: Tales of 1001 Nights
a bottle (closed)
a letter
action: Go inside
response: Shelves are nailed to the leaning wall.

In a corner stands a box labelled "Alex' things". That gives you a little pang. You almost forgot Paul thought you were dead for quite a while.
action: You get the ring and the tube
response: wedding ring: Taken.
cardboard tube: Taken.
action: You look in the box
response: In the box are a razor and a key.
action: You wear the ring
response: You put on the wedding ring.
action: You take the key
response: Taken.
action: Go outside
response: A small hallway, brightly lit by a row of Alien Tech(tm) powered neon lights. Dark wooden stairs lead upwards, and a doorframe opens east into the Living Room. A small door under the stairs lead into a storage closet. (Referred to by Paul only as "The Potter Room".)

You can see a chest of drawers (empty) here.
action: Up
response: This is  a small hallway, with a lot of doors. They're all unimportant (and therefor not implemented), except the one to the east.

Holy Moses! Uncle Wallys ghost floats around here.
action: You examine the uncle
response: The acid bath he took in the last game hasn't done much for his complexion. He looks like a Dali painting of his former self, wearing a half-burnt Stalin jacket, and his skin has the color of something you find on the sole of your shoe after a night around town. He still seems to be a ghost, though.
action: You talk to the uncle
response: "ALEX! My favorite arse bandit!"
"Have I ever told you I'm not the least bit sorry I pushed you into that acid bath?"
action: You talk to the uncle
response: "The Queen of Hearts and Marmalades has hired you?"
"She's actually called "The Queen of Hurts and Maladies". Women and their fancy names, eh?"
"Have I ever told you I'm not the least bit sorry I pushed you into that acid bath?"
action: You talk to the uncle
response: "Can you let me in?`"
"Are you proposing me or ..."
You just roll your eyes. "Have I ever told you I'm not the least bit sorry I pushed you into that acid bath?"
action: Keep going
response: "What are you doing here anyway? The last time I saw you was in hell!"
action: You go east
response: Uncle Wally blocks your way and menacingly flings some ectoplasm at you. "Don't make me grill you, son."
action: Unclewally
response: SAVEOk.
action: You open the bottle
response: You open the bottle.
action: You read arabian Nights
response: You flip through it. This isn't like a Ray Harryhausen movie at all.
action: You look in the bottle
response: The bottle is empty.
action: You put Wally in the bottle
response: (first taking Uncle Wally)
I don't suppose Uncle Wally would care for that.
action: You show the book to Wally
response: Uncle Wally is unimpressed.
action: You give the book to Wally
response: Wally refuses the book with a raised hand. "Reading classics? Please, that's for people who studied to work at McDonalds."
action: Rub bottle
response: You give the bottle another good shake and you can faintly hear Wally's pathetic protestations. Teehee.
action: You open the bottle
response: That's already open.
action: You ask Wally about the bottle
response: "You wouldn't understand. The Queen uses Quantum mechanics. Ever heard of the Lampshade effect?"
action: You ask Wally about the genie
response: "Please let me in. We humans need to stick together."
"Please, I'm at least one step above you on the evolutionary ladder."
action: You show the bottle to Wally
response: "Hey, Wallster, I bet your inflated ego doesn't fit in here!"
Wally grabs the open bottle and peers at it intently.
"You must think I'm a total moron."
Well, shit.
"Of course I know that ghosts don't have mass, so I can do this easily."
And with a *plop* he disappears into the bottle.
You quickly ram home the stopper with the flat of your hand.
"Hey" says Uncle Wally very faintly. "Good joke, but, let me out, okay? I just got this job." You give the bottle a good shake and that shuts him up.
action: You look
response: This is  a small hallway, with a lot of doors. They're all unimportant (and therefor not implemented), except the one to the east.
action: You go east
response: You kick the bedroom door and it crashes open. (It wasn't really locked). Paul jumps up from the bed with a shriek. He looks thinner, bestubbled, his hair dyed some time ago but the roots are showing. He blinks and then jumps into your arms. You hold him for some precious moments, emotions swirling in you that you are too manly to express. Video games have told you well.
"You have your body back! You have to tell me all about it!"
"No time, there will be a flashback later."
"Later?"
"Earlier for me, er, the player, er, nevermind. We've gotta get out of here."
"Not so fast, we need to save Dr. Elbe."
"The famous temperologist? Where is he?"
"Actually, she goes by Dana these days. But that's not important. She climbed out the window to attack the Sharkmen while they are having dinner in the kitchen."
"Attack? With what?"
"I told her of your secret weapons stash in the undergrow. Anyway, we need to help her. C'mon, >CLIMB OUT WINDOW." He slaps you on the ass and makes shooing motions with his hands.
"What about you?"
"I'm staying here. You know I hate guns."
You nod and grab his head and kiss him gently.
"See you soon. Don't die on me again."
"You wish. Oh here."
It's a bit late for a Christmas present, but here's your uncle."
Paul looks at the bottle and whistles.
Then you >JUMP OUT WINDOW.

Paul's parents loved this garden, and so do you. It's sorrounded on three sides by walls overgrown by undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan.This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless). It seems that the Pool has been drained some time ago.

The silhouettes of Sharkmen move through the fog.
Also, you once again don't feel safe.

Dr. Elbe kneels behind the barricade, aiming the M60 at the advancing Sharkmen.

Your most prized possession, an original Colt Army Model 1860 lies beside Dr. Elbe.

A ginger cat lies on one of the reamining deck chairs, watching the proceedings with weary disinterest.

Now your deck-chairs have been piled up to make a barricade. Behind it, Dr. Elbe, in a tasteful yet practical summer dress kneels, reloading your M60 machine gun. She expertly feeds the belt of 7.62 mm NATO cartridges ( or .308 Winchester) into it, and you notice that she uses your M122 tripod.
As you scramble to your feet, you notice a huge wall of smoke from the huge glass doors that lead inside, to the kitchen.
You quickly jump behind the barricade for cover.
action: You take Colt
response: You can tell from the weight that it's still loaded with 4 paper cartridges you made yourself.

Taken.
action: You look
response: Garden Area (behind the barricade)
Paul's parents loved this garden, and so do you. It's sorrounded on three sides by walls overgrown by undergrowth, so as to hide the family members going for a seamelss tan.This wasn't necessary for the southern wall, wich is quite high, because it borders on a Golf course (Pauls told you they find the occasional golf ball in the pool nonetheless). It seems that the Pool has been drained some time ago.

The silhouettes of Sharkmen move through the fog.
Also, you once again don't feel safe.

Dr. Elbe kneels behind the barricade, aiming the M60 at the advancing Sharkmen.

A ginger cat lies on one of the reamining deck chairs, watching the proceedings with weary disinterest.
action: You talk to Elbe
response: "Hey, Dr. Elbe. I'm Alex."
"Hey, Alex" she says, shooting you a sideways grin, "please, call me Dana." She squeezes her eyes and shoots of a few rounds, dropping one of the shapes in the fog. "Pleased to meet you."

While Dr. Elbe is busy on the right side of the garden, a Sharkman jumps through the fog to the left. He has a M16 in his hands and fires at you!
action: You shoot Sharkman
response: BANG!
The Sharkman throws up his hands and drops dead!
action: You talk to Elbe
response: "What do we do now?"
"I say we wait for Paul to make a run for it, then get away through the golf course."
action: You shoot Fog
response: You don't want to shoot Fog.

While Dr. Elbe is busy on the right side of the garden, a Sharkman jumps through the fog to the left. He has a Uzi in his hands and fires at you!
action: You shoot Sharkman
response: BANG!
The Sharkman clutches his chest and keels over!
action: You talk to Elbe
response: "And then what?"
"I have a plan how we can save Earth from the oppression of the Sharkmen."
action: You talk to Elbe
response: "Does it involve time travel?"
"Uh...yes?"
"Cool!"

While Dr. Elbe is busy on the right side of the garden, a Sharkman jumps through the fog to the left. He has a Ak47 in his hands and fires at you!
action: You shoot Sharkman
response: BANG!
The Sharkman spins on his heel and drops to the ground!
action: You talk to Elbe
response: "What is taking your husband so long?"
"Maybe he's just a little scared. He's really not cut out for all this violence."
action: You talk to Elbe
response: "Oh yeah, he, um, actually told me you died? Was that, like, a metaphorical thing or...?"
"No, much more mundane. A light grue threw me into a chasm on Mercury."

While Dr. Elbe is busy on the right side of the garden, a Sharkman jumps through the fog to the left. He has two Colt 1911 in his hands and fires at you!
action: You shoot Sharkman
response: BANG!
The Sharkman falls on his knees and then falls face forward!
action: You talk to Elbe
response: "Well, I see you got better."
"Yeah, I can actually possess people and stuff? I'm not yet clear how it works, it's like God or someone makes up the rules and changes them as he goes along."
action: You talk to Elbe
response: "Why is your face so red, Dana?"
"Laser therapy. Beard removal."
"That must suck."
"Yeah, it does."

While Dr. Elbe is busy on the right side of the garden, a Sharkman jumps through the fog to the left. He has a knife in his hands and runs towards you!
action: You shoot Sharkman
response: You're out of ammo.
action: You kill Sharkman
response: Violence isn't the answer to this one.

Oh no! The Sharkman jumps over the barricade and lands on top of you. You try to hit him with the Colt, but he slaps it out of your hand and it skiddles away. Can you raise your hand quick enough to block his blow? Quickly, press B.
action: B.
response: You manage to raise your arms and block the Sharkman's locked wrists. But the knife is still coming downwards slowly! Quick, press A.
action: R.
response: The sharkman pushes your flailing hands away with both hands and rises the knife again! O.M.G.! QUICK, press T.
action: T
response: You roll towards the side and throw the Sharkman off balance. He impales himself on his own knife and ... uh, has to go to the hospital, where he eats lots of ice cream!
You push the corpse off you, and through the smoke you see Paul's extended hand. He helps you up. Elbe is still firing at more and more Sharkmen coming through the doors. Man, your kitchen must look like shit.
"Quick!" she shouts. "Get over the wall!"
"Quick, Paul, I'll boost you." You stare at his ass a little more than necessary as you help your husband onto the wall. He extends his hand to you. "Quick, Alex, get up here."
You look back at Elbe, who provides more and more desperate covering fire.
"It's noble she's sacrifing herself, but I don't feel comfortable with such a clichéd end for a minority character."
"Sacrifice myself? Are you crazy? Cover me from up there, you dick." With that she tosses you the M60.

Your lying on the wall between your garden and the golf course.

A few Sharkmen are advancing while firing wildly at the wall. Bullets chip the stone here and there.

Hey, there is a penny up here! You never noticed.
action: You shoot Sharkmen
response: You squeeze the trigger. Dang! Damn thing is jammed! Better clear it.

Elbe breaks away from the barricade and runs towards the wall. Behind her, Sharkmen advance in formation over their fallen comrades, firing wildly.
action: Clear gun
response: You pry the stuck shell out of the barrel with the cleaning rod and the next round chambers with a *clack*.
action: You shoot Sharkmen
response: You get a good foothold on the wall to shoot it, even with foregrip. Better unfold the tripod.

Dr. Elbe begins to climb the wall, somewhat hindered by the bullets hitting the wall around her and by her flowing dress.
action: Unfold tripod
response: You unfold the tripod and try to find a good place on the wall to put it.
action: You shoot Sharkmen
response: You get a good foothold on the wall to shoot it, even with foregrip. Better unfold the tripod.

Dr. Elbe looks at you angrily.
"Uh, how about that covering fire?"
"Damn thing was ..."
A tracer sizzles overhead so close it nearly sets your hair on fire. "Hey!" shouts Paul, "I'm all for addressing problems directly, but how about COMING THE FUCK DOWN HERE first?"
Dr. Elbe nods and scurries down into the Golf course, with you close behind.

You are at the foot of a small, sloping hill, the lawn neatly cut. You can go eastwards, uphill. The wall of your garden is here.

Dr. Elbe stands around here, eyes alert.

Paul stands around, smiling at you affectionately.
action: You go east
response: You are on top of one of the innumberable hills of the golf course. You can see the whole golf course around you, which is boring as hell. The only interesting part seems to be one of the entrance gates to the northeast. West is the wall to your garden.

You can see a golf cart (closed) here.

Paul trudges along.

Elbe follows you.
action: You unlock the cart with the key
response: You unlock the golf cart.
action: You open the cart
response: You open the golf cart.
action: You enter the golf cart
response: You get into the golf cart.

Paul shu-shus at you. "Scoot over, you're driving all the time."
"All the time? I've been death for a while."
Nevertheless, you slide over on the passager seat.

Dr. Elbe climbs onto the backseat and grabs the M60 from your hands. She quickly unfolds the tripod and installs the machine gun on the rear end of the car. "Okay, ready."
Cool, looks like you don't have to do anything.
action: You wait
response: Time passes.

Paul goes northeast in the golf cart, taking you along.

Entrance Gate (in the golf cart)
A metal gate bars the way out to a lovely country lane.
Oh wait, that's what this usually looks like. Now you look closer for the first time in years and realize there's a cemetery on the other site of the road. The way back is sw. I mean southwest.

Dr. Elbe is on the backseat, at the M60.

Paul drives the golf cart.
action: You wait awhile
response: Time passes.
action: Go outside
response: Hello no! This thing is doing a breakneck 30 mph.

You drive past the cemetery and Paul expertly does a handbrake turn to the right. The cemetery passes to the left, and you have the conversation from the intro.

Paul goes northeast in the golf cart, taking you along.

Country Road (in the golf cart)
Spielertor is one of the oldest National Parks in the state, which you can easily tell from the forest.

Dr. Elbe is on the backseat, at the M60.

Paul drives the golf cart.
action: Wait
response: Time passes.

What was a black shape down the road a second before turns into tank that's gaining on you very fast. Elbe starts firing the M60, with little effect.
"Damn, Alex" cries Paul, "do something!"

Paul goes northeast in the golf cart, taking you along.

Forest (in the golf cart)
This is a forest, with trees in all directions. To the east, there appears to be sunlight.

Dr. Elbe is firing at the tank. Bullets riochet off the armor uselessly. Still, she seems to have fun.

Paul drives the golf cart.

The tank is chasing you!
action: You throw the tube at the tank
response: Futile.
action: Examine tank
response: It's black and huge, bulky yet sleek. Luckily, they can't get you with their gun turret, but a dude with an Assault Rifle (seems to be an update model of the M16) fires at the cart from behind a manhole cover.
action: You shoot the manhole cover
response: "I'd like to help, Doc, but I'm unarmed. Got any of my stash left?" "Sorry, no, but I can give you this."
She throws you something that is either a very big laser pointer or a very small flashlight.
"Oh, is this a laser gun?"
"No."
"A lightsaber?"
"Unfortunately, also no."
"So, what is it?"
"It's a very powerful laser. Not powerful enough to hurt anyone-" "Aww"
"-but you could use it as a, you know, laser pointer."
"I'll keep that in mind when I want to PowerPoint (tm) them to death."

Paul swerves over the road wildly, trying to avoid the gunner's fire. "Dr. Elbe! Get that guy!"
"He's too well protected. This looks like a job for the protagonist." "Just give me the g..."
But just at that moment something terrible breaks through the dense foliage. It's a quadruple human, ridden by a Horseman. That's the most horrible thing you ever saw, at least since Paul had that herpes problem.

Paul goes northeast in the golf cart, taking you along.

Forest (in the golf cart)
This is a path winding through a dimly lit forest. The path heads north-south here. One particularly large tree with some low branches stands at the edge of the path.

Dr. Elbe is firing at the tank. Bullets riochet off the armor uselessly. Still, she seems to have fun.

Paul drives the golf cart.

The tank is chasing you!

The Horseman rides the Manhorse very closely alongside the cart, in hot pursuit.
action: You point the laser at dude
response: That may look interesting, but does nothing.

Paul goes northeast in the golf cart, taking you along.

Clearing (in the golf cart)
You are in a clearing, with a forest surrounding you on all sides. A path leads south. On the ground is a pile of leaves.

Dr. Elbe is firing at the tank. Bullets riochet off the armor uselessly. Still, she seems to have fun.

Paul drives the golf cart.

The tank is chasing you!

The Horseman rides the Manhorse very closely alongside the cart, in hot pursuit.
action: You talk to Elbe
response: "Sorry, Alex, would love to chat but it's hard to do it over the exchange of gunfire between us and the"
RATATATATATATATA BOOM BOOM BOOM
"I get your point."
action: You jump on Manhorse
response: You lean out of the cart, grabbing the roof with one hand.
"What are you doing?" screams Paul.
"We need to stop-"
"Don't say horsing around!"
"Okay." And then you jump.
After some dramatic scrambling, you sit in the saddle behind the confused Horseman.

Clearing (on Manhorse)
You are in a clearing, with a forest surrounding you on all sides. A path leads south. On the ground is a pile of leaves.

A tank is chasing you, and a guy with an assault rifle fires at the golf cart.

You can also see a golf cart (in which are Dr. Elbe and Paul) here.

A horseman sits before you.

Paul goes northeast in the golf cart.

The tank is chasing you!

The Horseman rides the Manhorse very closely alongside the cart, in hot pursuit.
action: You point the laser at the dude
response: That may look interesting, but does nothing.

Paul goes northeast in the golf cart.

The tank is chasing you!

Manhorse rides very closely alongside the cart, in hot pursuit.
action: You examine dude
response: A sharkman with an assault rifle!
action: You look at Manhorse
response: The Manhorse is as a big horse, but looks like a man! Surprisingly, he manages to keep up with the cart. One of the saddlebags is marked with some writing.

>READ WRITING

It says "DANGER! EXPLOSIVE."

Paul goes northeast in the golf cart.

The tank is chasing you!

Manhorse rides very closely alongside the cart, in hot pursuit.
action: You take the saddlebag
response: That's hardly portable.
action: Light saddlebag
response: This dangerous act would achieve little.

Y'all arrive at a nice fire tower, and at a glance you see the package for Elbe on the floor, but there is no room for you to go, and the tank runs over the golf cart with a terrifying crunch (everyone escapes unharmed).
action: You wait awhile
response: Time passes.

You drive past the cemetery and Paul expertly does a handbrake turn to the right. The cemetery passes to the left, and you have the conversation from the intro.

Paul goes northeast in the golf cart, taking you along.

Country Road (in the golf cart)
Spielertor is one of the oldest National Parks in the state, which you can easily tell from the forest.

Dr. Elbe is on the backseat, at the M60.

Paul drives the golf cart.
action: Wait
response: "I'd like to help, Doc, but I'm unarmed. Got any of my stash left?" "Sorry, no, but I can give you this."
She throws you something that is either a very big laser pointer or a very small flashlight.
"Oh, is this a laser gun?"
"No."
"A lightsaber?"
"Unfortunately, also no."
"So, what is it?"
"It's a very powerful laser. Not powerful enough to hurt anyone-" "Aww"
"-but you could use it as a, you know, laser pointer."
"I'll keep that in mind when I want to PowerPoint (tm) them to death."

What was a black shape down the road a second before turns into tank that's gaining on you very fast. Elbe starts firing the M60, with little effect.
"Damn, Alex" cries Paul, "do something!"

Paul goes northeast in the golf cart, taking you along.

Forest (in the golf cart)
This is a forest, with trees in all directions. To the east, there appears to be sunlight.

Dr. Elbe is firing at the tank. Bullets riochet off the armor uselessly. Still, she seems to have fun.

Paul drives the golf cart.

The tank is chasing you!

Time passes.
action: You wait
response: Time passes.

Paul swerves over the road wildly, trying to avoid the gunner's fire. "Dr. Elbe! Get that guy!"
"He's too well protected. This looks like a job for the protagonist." "Just give me the g..."
But just at that moment something terrible breaks through the dense foliage. It's a quadruple human, ridden by a Horseman. That's the most horrible thing you ever saw, at least since Paul had that herpes problem.

Paul goes northeast in the golf cart, taking you along.

Forest (in the golf cart)
This is a path winding through a dimly lit forest. The path heads north-south here. One particularly large tree with some low branches stands at the edge of the path.

Dr. Elbe is firing at the tank. Bullets riochet off the armor uselessly. Still, she seems to have fun.

Paul drives the golf cart.

The tank is chasing you!

The Horseman rides the Manhorse very closely alongside the cart, in hot pursuit.
action: You jump
response: You jump on the spot.
action: You jump on Manhorse
response: You lean out of the cart, grabbing the roof with one hand.
"What are you doing?" screams Paul.
"We need to stop-"
"Don't say horsing around!"
"Okay." And then you jump.
After some dramatic scrambling, you sit in the saddle behind the confused Horseman.

Forest (on Manhorse)
This is a path winding through a dimly lit forest. The path heads north-south here. One particularly large tree with some low branches stands at the edge of the path.

A tank is chasing you, and a guy with an assault rifle fires at the golf cart.

You can also see a golf cart (in which are Dr. Elbe and Paul) here.

A horseman sits before you.
action: You search the Saddlebag
response: In Saddlebag is rocket grenade.

Paul goes northeast in the golf cart.

The tank is chasing you!

The Horseman rides the Manhorse very closely alongside the cart, in hot pursuit.
action: You look at the rocket grenade
response: It's a neat little Mahavira-Arnaud rocket grenade. You can either fire it from a rocket launcher, even an improvised one, or throw it. In either case you should first you  hit it on the top, the the 4 turn,er, second, fuse is activated.

Paul goes northeast in the golf cart.

The tank is chasing you!

Manhorse rides very closely alongside the cart, in hot pursuit.
action: You hit the grenade
response: You bonk the grenade on the top. Something clicks mechanically inside.
action: You wait awhile
response: Time passes.

Paul goes northeast in the golf cart.

The tank is chasing you!

Manhorse rides very closely alongside the cart, in hot pursuit.
action: You throw grenade at the tank
response: You throw the grenade at the tank! Unfotunately, it just bounces off the armor harmlessly and explodes by the wayside. Luckily, there are more grenades in the saddlebag.
action: You wait for a while
response: Time passes.

Well, if you were wondering what happens if you hold a grenade in your hands for too long, the answer is, unsurprisingly, it explodes.
action: You throw grenade at the dude
response: Futile.

Well, if you were wondering what happens if you hold a grenade in your hands for too long, the answer is, unsurprisingly, it explodes.
action: You put the grenade in the tube
response: You put rocket grenade into the cardboard tube.
action: You hit the grenade
response: You bonk the grenade on the top. Something clicks mechanically inside.
action: You wait awhile
response: Time passes.

Paul goes northeast in the golf cart.

The tank is chasing you!

Manhorse rides very closely alongside the cart, in hot pursuit.
action: Shoot tank
response: You need a gun.

Well, if you were wondering what happens if you hold a grenade in your hands for too long, the answer is, unsurprisingly, it explodes.
action: You throw the grenade at tank
response: (first taking rocket grenade)
You throw the grenade at the tank! Unfotunately, it just bounces off the armor harmlessly and explodes by the wayside. Luckily, there are more grenades in the saddlebag.
action: You check what you're carrying
response: You are carrying:
a laser pointer
a key
a cardboard tube
rocket grenade
a wedding ring (being worn)
The Arabian Nights: Tales of 1001 Nights
a letter

Well, if you were wondering what happens if you hold a grenade in your hands for too long, the answer is, unsurprisingly, it explodes.
action: You attach laser to tube
response: You clip the laser pointer to the cardboard tube. Neat. Now you can point (or aim) the  whole tube at distant objects.

Well, if you were wondering what happens if you hold a grenade in your hands for too long, the answer is, unsurprisingly, it explodes.
action: You attach the laser to the tube
response: You clip the laser pointer to the cardboard tube. Neat. Now you can point (or aim) the  whole tube at distant objects.
action: You hit the grenade
response: You bonk the grenade on the top. Something clicks mechanically inside.
action: You put the grenade in the tube
response: Wow, you have an improvised rocket launcher.

You put rocket grenade into the cardboard tube.

Paul goes northeast in the golf cart.

The tank is chasing you!

Manhorse rides very closely alongside the cart, in hot pursuit.
action: Point launcher at dude
response: You aim the tube at the tank. This will either net you a Darwin Award or be awesome,you think.
The grenade ignites.
The tube burns up in your hands faster than aluminum foil. There is a loud hissing and a trail of smoke towards the tank.
For a second, nothing happens. With a loud, defeaning roar, the tank explodes, pushing over the golf cart, throwing you off the horse and into the woods. You crash against a tree and fall down. Around you, the forest has quickly caught fire. Flames roars, and metal cracks in the distance. You try to get up, but your back hasn't hurt this bad since your first yoga practice.

This is just a place in the woods, surrounded by a roaring ring of flames.
A burning hubcap rolls past you.

A broken bottle lies here.
action: You examine bottle
response: Oh crap. You know this bottle.

A shape stumbles from the fire, ragged, burnt patches of skin on the hands. Paul. He otherwise seems okay, though.
"Paul" you croak, "I didn't know that the tank would explode quite so messily."
Then you notice his red glowing eyes and crap your pants (not literally).
"Oh, not to worry" says Uncle Wally. The last step he takes towards you feels like it takes a year.

Alex and Paul will return.