Zugzwang
by Magnus Olsson (1998)
Genres: Game
Joke

You get to play a pawn in a chess game - at the very end.

action: %
response: It has been a fierce battle, full of bold moves, daring attacks,
surprising gambits and heroic sacrifices. Throughout this, you've
remained at your starting point, patiently waiting for orders. But now
that the metaphorical dust has settled and most pieces have been
exchanged, it finally looks as if it is your turn. The White King and
one of your Pawn colleagues have managed to nail the Black King with
his back to the edge of the board, but they can't finish him off
without help.

The White King calls you to action. It is time to make your move.

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Chessboard (on f2)
The chessboard is almost empty, now that most pieces have been
exchanged. Its surface is perfectly smooth, its 64 squares
alternatingly deep black and pearly white.
action: You look at the board
response: The chessboard is almost empty, now that most pieces have been
exchanged. Its surface is perfectly smooth, its 64 squares
alternatingly deep black and pearly white.
action: You look at Pawn
response: Which do you mean, the White Pawn or the Black Pawn?
action: You go north
response: On your first move, you may choose to move two steps forwards instead
of just one. Would you like to do that?
action: No
response: Chessboard (on f3)

The Black King scratches his head. "Hmmm. A difficult position - I
might have to sacrifice my last pawn. Let's see..."
action: Wait
response: Time passes.

The Black King sighs. "It looks like we don't have much choice. Pawn,
one step forward!" His sole remaining subject moves one square to the
south, to g4.
action: You go northeast
response: With a faint popping sound the Black Pawn vanishes from the board.

Chessboard (on g4)

The White King cries out in frustration: "You fool! You weren't
supposed to do that!"

The Black King, however, can't hide his pleasure. "I haven't got any
legal moves left. It's a stalemate!" He pats the White King on the
shoulder. "Seems like you don't win after all, old chap."
action: You go to the north
response: Chessboard (on f4)

The Black Pawn looks a bit surprised, and more than a little relieved,
that you didn't capture it. The White King nods his approval, however:
"Well done! Just continue north, and don't get distracted!"
action: You wait for a while
response: Time passes.

The Black King smiles grimly. "So you didn't fall for my little trap?
In that case, we'll have to see whose pawn is the fastest!" He gestures
to his Pawn, which takes a step towards the south, to g3. The White
King waves at you to continue your march.
action: You go to the north
response: Chessboard (on f5)

You take another step forwards. The Black King rather nervously orders
his pawn to continue.
action: Go north
response: But it's not your move!

The Black Pawn continues south. It is now dangerously close to becoming
a Queen, and you can't help throwing some nervous glances in its
direction. The White King, however, encourages you: "Don't worry, they
won't have the time to do anything."
action: You go north
response: Chessboard (on f6)

The Black King gives you a worried look, but then turns to his own
Pawn. "Just one more step and you'll be promoted!"
action: You wait a while
response: Time passes.

As the Black Pawn set foot on the first rank, it is surrounded by a
golden glow. With a fanfare from invisible trumpets, the Pawn is
transformed into a Queen! The White King looks at her, and snorts.
"Impressive - but it will not help a bit. Finish them off, Pawn!"
action: You go north
response: Chessboard (on f7)

You boldly advance and threaten the Black King. "Check!" you cry, and
the White King fills in: "...and mate!"

The Black King desperately looks around for an escape, but can't find
any. He extends his hand to his White colleague. "It looks like you win
again. But just wait - I'll get my revenge next time!"

The White King pats your back. "Well done! I think there's a vacancy as
a Knight - I'll see if I can get you promoted in time for the next
game."