The Kazooist
by Charlie Marcou (2012)
Genres: Humor

You are at your birthday party and your about to eat some cake and stuff, but then some weird stuff happens...

action: %
response: Please note that this game might be a little silly. thank you.

You are at your birthday party and your about to eat some cake and stuff
The Kazooist

This is the kitchen. The living room is to the west.

You can see a table (on which is a Pretty Cake) here.
action: About yourself
response: You are as good-looking as ever.
action: Inventory
response: You are carrying:
a t-shirt (being worn)
jeans (being worn)
tennis shoes (being worn)
action: You eat Cake
response: (first taking the Pretty Cake)
It's a piece of cake to eat a pretty cake
Sugar.
SUGAR.
SUGAR!

or even higher on a mountain or something. I don't know. It was awesome. Exhilarating. And then 30 minutes later you crash as if you drank eleven five hour energies and came off it. The cake was extraordinary. And now you are asleep. Your mother kindly takes you to bed

You awake in an unfamiliar place, and a tall bearded man in a robe is before you. You can't really make out his face-But you really like his beard-He speaks and says

"You sir, have come of age and now need to learn the sacred art of being a kazoo master. A prophecy has predicted that you'll be a pretty cool dude one day and your training will begin now. Now navigate the tunnel maze."

And then the man threw down some pellet that released smoke onto the ground, started coughing muttered something or other about his lungs being infernal contraptions and then disappeared with the smoke. (imagine dramatic accents on a kazoo right now).

It is candlelit here, It is too dangerous and unfamiliar to leave the cave, so the only way to go is northwards into the heart of the cave... There is a wooden door to the east of here... not something you would expect in a cave such as this, but okay...

You can see a torch here.
action: You check what you're carrying
response: You are carrying:
a t-shirt (being worn)
jeans (being worn)
action: You take the torch
response: tennis shoes (being worn)

Taken.
action: You examine the door
response: It sorta looks like a kazoo could fit the lock.
action: Go north
response: It's as dead end! The only way you could've gone is a dead end. Maybe you can find something interesting here. There is a mysterious hole in the ground and an interesting wall in this room.
action: You examine the wall
response: After looking more closely at the wall you notice that there is a passage leading to the Northeast
action: You examine the hole
response: In the hole is a kazoo.
action: You get the kazoo
response: You pick up the kazoo and you're like "sweet a kazoo!".
You figure that you can probably play some pretty sick-ass songs on it like tunes originally whistled by horror writer Garth Marenghi or mary had a little lamb or something.

After more careful examination you see that there is an inscription that reads "The kazoo of destiny or something" on the side of it. Also, come to think of it you notice that the kazoo kinda looks like the abnormal lock on the abnormal door in the cave entrance.
action: You go to the northeast
response: You stumble through the crack in the wall and enter the more mysterious part of the cave

It's pretty cool in this cave,  it goes on in the four cardinal directions

You can see a Mysterious door here.
action: You open it
response: The mysterious door opens only when the dial is spun to the right combination.
action: Look around
response: It's pretty cool in this cave,  it goes on in the four cardinal directions

You can see a Mysterious door here.
action: You go north
response: This is the part of the cave that seems to go in all directions dawg!
action: Search
response: What do you want to search?
action: You go south
response: You must name something more substantial.
action: Inventory
response: You are carrying:
a kazoo
a torch (providing light)
a t-shirt (being worn)
jeans (being worn)
tennis shoes (being worn)
action: You look at kazoo
response: It reads "The kazoo of destiny or something" on the side of it.

You figure that you can probably play some pretty sick-ass songs on it like tunes originally whistled by a horror writer or mary had a little lamb or something
action: Go east
response: (first opening the Mysterious door)
The mysterious door opens only when the dial is spun to the right combination.
action: You go to the south-west
response: This part of the cave is almost as sick-ass as that concert you went to last month! it goes on in almost directions
action: Go northwest
response: You are in a library with lots of books on songs you can play on your kazoo are located. To play them just say play  the  song. The rest of the library is north, east and south of here.

You can see a Mysterious door, a dusty book, a shiny book and a cool book here.
action: You examine dusty
response: You flip to the first page and it reads:

One thing you can play on your kazoo is the kill song. Its supposed to kill people but no one really knows if it does it for real.

An evil dude popped out and is going to kill you!

You can see an Evil dude here.
action: You play the the kill song
response: It doesn't appear to have killed anything...

The Evil dude pulls out a hammer and smashes your skull!
action: You kill the evil dude
response: Please give one of the answers above.

Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE a saved game, QUIT or UNDO the last
action: Hi
response: command?
action: You look around
response: You can see an Evil dude here.
action: You play the the kill song
response: It doesn't appear to have killed anything...

The Evil dude pulls out a hammer and smashes your skull!
action: Burn kazoo
response: This dangerous act would achieve little.
action: You throw the torch at the evil dude
response: You lack the nerve when it comes to the crucial moment.
action: Sing
response: Your singing is abominable.
action: You take ofthe t-shirt
response: You take off the t-shirt.
action: Duno
response: Undefined command.
action: Y.
response: Please note that this game might be a little silly. thank you.

You are at your birthday party and your about to eat some cake and stuff
The Kazooist

This is the kitchen. The living room is to the west.

You can see a table (on which is a Pretty Cake) here.
action: You go west
response: There is a kitchen to the east, your bedroom to the south, the cloakroom is west of this room and then the box room is northwards. And I almost forgot the front door is to the northwest and the office is northeast.

You can see a sofa and a lamp (providing light) here.
action: You look at the lamp
response: The lamp is currently switched on.
action: You turn the lamp off
response: You switch the lamp off.

It is now pitch dark in here!
action: You go to the north
response: The Utility room is down from here, while the attic is up....

You can see a cardboard box (closed) here.
action: You open the box
response: You open the cardboard box, revealing a spare key and a flashlight.
action: You take the box
response: Taken.
action: You look at the flashlight
response: The flashlight is currently switched off.
action: Inventory
response: You are carrying:
a cardboard box (open)
a spare key
a flashlight
a t-shirt (being worn)
jeans (being worn)
tennis shoes (being worn)
action: Look around
response: The Utility room is down from here, while the attic is up....
action: Light flashlight
response: This dangerous act would achieve little.
action: You turn on the flashlight
response: You switch the flashlight on.

You can see a chest (closed) here.
action: Open chest
response: It seems to be locked.
action: You unlock the chest with the key
response: (first taking the spare key)
That doesn't seem to fit the lock.
action: You look at the key
response: Its a spare key to the front door.
action: Inventory
response: You are carrying:
a spare key
a cardboard box (open)
a flashlight (providing light)
a t-shirt (being worn)
jeans (being worn)
tennis shoes (being worn)
action: You get the chest
response: Taken.
action: You turn off the flashlight
response: You switch the flashlight off.
action: You go south
response: There is a kitchen to the east, your bedroom to the south, the cloakroom is west of this room and then the box room is northwards. And I almost forgot the front door is to the northwest and the office is northeast.

You can see a sofa and a lamp (providing light) here.
action: You get the sofa
response: That's fixed in place.
action: You turn on the flashlight
response: You switch the flashlight on.

This is the utility room, there isn't much to do here at the moment, theres a washer, a dryer and the fusebox. The bathroom is south of here
action: Look around
response: This is the utility room, there isn't much to do here at the moment, theres a washer, a dryer and the fusebox. The bathroom is south of here
action: You get the washer
response: That's hardly portable.
action: You look in the fuse box
response: That's not something you can open.

You find nothing of interest.
action: You examine the mirror
response: You are as good-looking as ever.
action: You take the shower
response: You take off your clothes, jump into the shower, clean yourself exit and dry off feeling squeaky clean

You can see tennis shoes, jeans, a t-shirt, a mirror and a shower here.
action: You check your inventory
response: You are carrying:
a towel (being worn)
a chest (closed and locked)
a spare key
a cardboard box (open)
a flashlight (providing light)
action: Close box
response: You close the cardboard box.
action: You check your inventory
response: You are carrying:
a towel (being worn)
a chest (closed and locked)
a spare key
a cardboard box (closed)
action: You open the box
response: You open the cardboard box, revealing a flashlight.
action: You open the box
response: You open the cardboard box, revealing a flashlight.

This is the utility room, there isn't much to do here at the moment, theres a washer, a dryer and the fusebox. The bathroom is south of here
action: Go upward
response: The Utility room is down from here, while the attic is up....
action: Go northeast
response: You can see a computer here.
action: You turn off the flashlight
response: You switch the flashlight off.
action: You look at computer
response: Its a nice computer complete with 8GB of ram. The internet and only the internet is open because otherwise the whole computer runs slowly. Your dock consists of The internet and all of your favorite games like Skyrim, Minecraft and Portal. And then there is the application you play interactive fiction on. The page the internet is open to is kazoos.com, kazoobie kazoo's website.
action: You turn on the flashlight
response: You switch the flashlight on.

You can see a coat and a jacket here.
action: You get all
response: coat: Taken.
jacket: Taken.
flashlight: Taken.
action: Wear coat
response: You put on the coat.
action: You wear the jacket
response: You put on the jacket.
action: Inventory
response: You are carrying:
a flashlight (providing light)
a jacket (being worn)
action: You describe your surroundings
response: a coat (being worn)
a towel (being worn)
a chest (closed and locked)
a spare key
a cardboard box (open but empty)
action: You unlock the door with the key
response: You unlock the front door.
action: You open door
response: You open the front door.
action: You close the door
response: You close the front door.
action: You lock the door
response: What do you want to lock the front door with?
action: Key
response: You lock the front door.
action: You check your inventory
response: You are carrying:
a flashlight (providing light)
a jacket (being worn)
a coat (being worn)
a towel (being worn)
a chest (closed and locked)
a spare key
a cardboard box (open but empty)
action: You go east
response: This is the kitchen. The living room is to the west.

You can see a table (on which is a Pretty Cake) here.
action: You get Cake
response: Taken.
action: You eat Cake
response: Sugar.
SUGAR.
SUGAR!

or even higher on a mountain or something. I don't know. It was awesome. Exhilarating. And then 30 minutes later you crash as if you drank eleven five hour energies and came off it. The cake was extraordinary. And now you are asleep. Your mother kindly takes you to bed

You awake in an unfamiliar place, and a tall bearded man in a robe is before you. You can't really make out his face-But you really like his beard-He speaks and says

"You sir, have come of age and now need to learn the sacred art of being a kazoo master. A prophecy has predicted that you'll be a pretty cool dude one day and your training will begin now. Now navigate the tunnel maze."

And then the man threw down some pellet that released smoke onto the ground, started coughing muttered something or other about his lungs being infernal contraptions and then disappeared with the smoke. (imagine dramatic accents on a kazoo right now).

It is candlelit here, It is too dangerous and unfamiliar to leave the cave, so the only way to go is northwards into the heart of the cave... There is a wooden door to the east of here... not something you would expect in a cave such as this, but okay...

You can see a torch here.
action: You check your inventory
response: You are carrying:
a jacket (being worn)
a coat (being worn)
a towel (being worn)
a chest (closed and locked)
a spare key
a cardboard box (open but empty)
action: Look around
response: It is candlelit here, It is too dangerous and unfamiliar to leave the cave, so the only way to go is northwards into the heart of the cave... There is a wooden door to the east of here... not something you would expect in a cave such as this, but okay...
action: Go north
response: It's as dead end! The only way you could've gone is a dead end. Maybe you can find something interesting here. There is a mysterious hole in the ground and an interesting wall in this room.
action: You look in the hole
response: In the hole is a kazoo.
action: You examine the wall
response: After looking more closely at the wall you notice that there is a passage leading to the Northeast
action: You unlock the door with the kazoo
response: You unlock the wooden door.
action: Go east
response: You can see a slip of paper here.
action: You read it
response: Base 3 is the coolest yo. 1020.
action: Spin dial to 99
response: Click! and nothing else happens.
action: You look at cool
response: There is a nice song about a buff baby. Its called the buff baby song... There is a nice song about a tropical island. Its called the tropical island song.... There is a song about a daddy who eats some fries. Its called the fries song.

An evil dude, who kinda looks like Dr. Lucien Sanchez, popped out and is going to kill you!

You can see an Evil dude here.
action: You play the the kill song
response: It doesn't appear to have killed anything...

The Evil dude pulls out a hammer and smashes your skull!
action: You play the tropical island song
response: It turned you into a lava man!

Then you killed the evil dude and that mysterious man from earlier showed up and was all "you saved the world from the evil dude like in the prophecy. The kazoo cult is eternally grateful man."
action: You read shiny
response: The kill song doesn't work dog... by the time you read this its probably too late. its a prophecy. I think...

An evil dude popped out and is going to kill you!

You can see an Evil dude here.