Slap That Fish
by Peter Nepstad (2007)
Genres: Surreal

This time, those fishy bastards are finally going to get what's coming to them.

action: %
response: It was a mistake to go outside again, you know that now. But it was a celebration, and you really wanted a nice pie. You were right outside the bakery when you realized they had found you; and you caught them staring with their wide, unblinking eyes; and the whole walk home, they were always there, swimming up alongside, darting ahead, looking behind. Finally you couldn't stand it any more and ducked into this alley, where whatever happens next, at least there won't be any witnesses to shake their heads and frown and pretend to be shocked, like the last time. No, this time, those fishy bastards are finally going to get what's coming to them.

[LINK]

Sure enough, here comes that cocky trout that's been following you since you crossed Fifth Avenue.
action: You look
response: The trout eyes you with contempt.

[ Your Stamina: 5     Rainbow Trout: 10 ]
action: You slap that the fish
response: The red stripe on the trout's side flushes to a deep crimson from the forceful blow of your open palm.

[ Your Stamina: 3     Rainbow Trout: 8 ]
action: You slap that the fish
response: You land a satisfyingly crisp slap, like a fly swatter hitting glass.

[ Your Stamina: 1     Rainbow Trout: 6 ]
action: You slap that the fish
response: You are too tired to give the rainbow trout another slap just yet.

[ Your Stamina: 0     Rainbow Trout: 6 ]
action: You kick that the fish
response: You don't have the stamina to boot that rainbow trout right now, you need to rest.

[ Your Stamina: 0     Rainbow Trout: 6 ]
action: You rest
response: I don't know the word "duck".

You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 1     Rainbow Trout: 6 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 2     Rainbow Trout: 6 ]
action: You slap that the fish
response: Whap! The trout is beginning to realize you aren't just some easily evaded fly fisherman, here.

[ Your Stamina: 0     Rainbow Trout: 4 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 1     Rainbow Trout: 4 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 2     Rainbow Trout: 4 ]
action: You slap that the fish
response: Whap! The trout is beginning to realize you aren't just some easily evaded fly fisherman, here.

[ Your Stamina: 0     Rainbow Trout: 2 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 1     Rainbow Trout: 2 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 2     Rainbow Trout: 2 ]
action: You slap that fish
response: That fish is filleted, with a side of chips.

You have Defeated the rainbow trout in 14 turns and 5 attacks, for a score of 10 out of a possible 20 points.

Good Job! If you want to improve your score, consider that it is based on how quickly you defeat your opponent, as well as how efficiently.

Looks like you have a moment to rest before the next one gets what's coming.

[ Your Stamina: 0 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

There are more fish coming, you can sense it.

[ Your Stamina: 1 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

Here comes a nosy largemouth bass, to see what the trouble is, its mouth gaping open in a look of slack-jawed stupidity that makes your blood boil.

[ Your Stamina: 2     Largemouth Bass: 13 ]
action: Bitchslap bass
response: You slap that bass, and scream in pain. You quickly draw back your hand, only to find a fish hook stuck in your palm! Probably it was stuck in the bass' mouth since the last catch and release. The hook tears the side of the bass' mouth when it comes out. The bass makes a rude gesture at you with its tail.

[ Your Stamina: 0     Largemouth Bass: 10 ]
action: Maul bass
response: You have a hook sticking out of your palm.

[ Your Stamina: 1     Largemouth Bass: 10 ]

I don't know the word "maul".
action: You take the hook
response: You carefully pull the hook out of your hand, wincing in pain, and throw it away.

[ Your Stamina: 0     Largemouth Bass: 10 ]
action: You kick the bass
response: You don't have the stamina to boot that largemouth bass right now, you need to rest.

[ Your Stamina: 0     Largemouth Bass: 10 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 1     Largemouth Bass: 10 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 2     Largemouth Bass: 10 ]
action: You kick the bass
response: The fish sees your boot coming a mile away and easily evades your kick.

[ Your Stamina: 1     Largemouth Bass: 10 ]
action: Go upward
response: No way you're running from no damn fish. It ends here, one way or another.

[ Your Stamina: 2     Largemouth Bass: 10 ]
action: Poke bass
response: Poking the largemouth bass doesn't seem to have any effect.

[ Your Stamina: 3     Largemouth Bass: 10 ]
action: You kill the bass
response: That's the general idea. But how? Punch? Kick? Or then there is the primally satisfying Slap, and its counterpart, the Backhand. Decisions, decisions.

[ Your Stamina: 4     Largemouth Bass: 10 ]
action: Backhand bass
response: Something sharp pierces your flesh when you try to backhand the moronic bass. You draw back your hand, wincing in pain, and there, between two of your knuckles, is an old, barbed fish hook. The bass hums a little Bobby McFerrin in pleasure, despite the cut made by the hook on its way out.

[ Your Stamina: 0     Largemouth Bass: 7 ]
action: Smack bass
response: You are too tired to give the largemouth bass another slap just yet.

[ Your Stamina: 0     Largemouth Bass: 7 ]
action: You wait
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 1     Largemouth Bass: 7 ]
action: You kick the bass
response: You don't have the stamina to boot that largemouth bass right now, you need to rest.

[ Your Stamina: 0     Largemouth Bass: 7 ]
action: You remove the hook
response: You carefully pull the hook out of your hand, wincing in pain, and throw it away.

[ Your Stamina: 0     Largemouth Bass: 7 ]
action: You wait
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 2     Largemouth Bass: 7 ]
action: Slap bass
response: Smack! The bass looks stunned, groggy, in a fog -- but then again, it pretty much always does.

[ Your Stamina: 0     Largemouth Bass: 5 ]
action: Wait
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 1     Largemouth Bass: 5 ]
action: Wait
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 2     Largemouth Bass: 5 ]
action: You examine the bass
response: The bass is looking frantically around for some grass, or brush or something to hide in.

[ Your Stamina: 3     Largemouth Bass: 5 ]
action: You kick the bass
response: The fish sees your boot coming a mile away and easily evades your kick.

[ Your Stamina: 2     Largemouth Bass: 5 ]
action: Smack bass
response: Smack! The bass looks stunned, groggy, in a fog -- but then again, it pretty much always does.

[ Your Stamina: 1     Largemouth Bass: 3 ]
action: Wait
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 2     Largemouth Bass: 3 ]
action: You ask the bass about the bass
response: Surely, you can't think the largemouth bass knows anything about it!

[ Your Stamina: 3     Largemouth Bass: 3 ]
action: You hug the bass
response: Erm, that's a different game, I think.

[ Your Stamina: 4     Largemouth Bass: 3 ]
action: Bite bass
response: I don't know the word "bite".

I don't know the word "bite".
action: You take the bass
response: The largemouth bass evades your grasp. You won't stop them by a simple catch and release program, anyway. It is time to settle this, once and for all.

[ Your Stamina: 5     Largemouth Bass: 3 ]
action: Xyzzy
response: You invoke the magic word of prayer your grandfather once taught you. But nothing happens. Some secrets are not passed down from generation to generation, but are simply lost.

[ Your Stamina: 5     Largemouth Bass: 3 ]
action: Punch bass
response: Smack! The bass looks stunned, groggy, in a fog -- but then again, it pretty much always does.

[ Your Stamina: 3     Largemouth Bass: 1 ]
action: Punch bass
response: You send the Bass to Bass Hell, where it will be stuffed, nailed to a board, and forced to sing "Don't Worry, Be Happy" for all eternity.

You have Defeated the largemouth bass in 34 turns and 5 attacks, for a score of 8 out of a possible 20 points.

You've sent a message: No matter how long it takes, no matter how much flailing around you do, you will stand your ground and fight to the end.

Looks like you have a moment to rest before the next one gets what's coming.

[ Your Stamina: 1 ]

I don't see any bass here.
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

There are more fish coming, you can sense it.

[ Your Stamina: 2 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

It had to happen. Here comes the clownfish, arriving as if it thinks it is the comic relief for the freakshow of your life. The audience can laugh, it suggests, because now the star has arrived.

[ Your Stamina: 3     Clownfish: 10 ]
action: You examine the clownfish
response: The bright orange sides of the clownfish are ostentatious, like a tranny dressed like a showgirl.

[ Your Stamina: 4     Clownfish: 10 ]
action: You kick the clownfish
response: The fish sees your boot coming a mile away and easily evades your kick.

[ Your Stamina: 3     Clownfish: 10 ]
action: You punch it
response: Smack! Looks like this clownfish is finally getting a red nose.

[ Your Stamina: 1     Clownfish: 8 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 2     Clownfish: 8 ]
action: You punch it
response: Whap! The clowfish does a pratfall.

[ Your Stamina: 0     Clownfish: 6 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 1     Clownfish: 6 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 2     Clownfish: 6 ]
action: You describe your surroundings
response: The bright orange sides of the clownfish are ostentatious, like a tranny dressed like a showgirl.

[ Your Stamina: 3     Clownfish: 6 ]
action: Inventory
response: You have a lemon meringue pie.

[ Your Stamina: 4     Clownfish: 6 ]
action: You throw pie at the clownfish
response: You hit the clownfish full in the face with the lemon meringue pie, and you can just imagine the soundtrack erupting with laughter. The clownfish, beaten at its own game and its face white with meringue, slinks off in humiliated defeat. The clownfish has taken its final bow.

You have Defeated the clownfish in 10 turns and 3 attacks, for a score of 8 out of a possible 20 points.

You've sent a message: No matter how long it takes, no matter how much flailing around you do, you will stand your ground and fight to the end.

Looks like you have a moment to rest before the next one gets what's coming.

[ Your Stamina: 5 ]
action: You rest
response: Now is not the time for rest. Now is the time for action!

There are more fish coming, you can sense it.

[ Your Stamina: 5 ]
action: You rest
response: Now is not the time for rest. Now is the time for action!

Any activity of any level of excitement is sure to gather some bottom-feeders, and here comes one now, a bullhead catfish with a lazy eye and a shiftless demeanor.

[ Your Stamina: 5     Bullhead Catfish: 12 ]
action: Inventory
response: You are empty-handed.

[ Your Stamina: 5     Bullhead Catfish: 12 ]
action: Look around
response: The bullhead's whiskers twitch.

[ Your Stamina: 5     Bullhead Catfish: 12 ]
action: You pull whiskers
response: The bullhead evades your grasp. You won't stop them by a simple catch and release program, anyway. It is time to settle this, once and for all.

[ Your Stamina: 5     Bullhead Catfish: 12 ]
action: Punch bullhead
response: Smack! The catfish reels from the blow.

[ Your Stamina: 3     Bullhead Catfish: 10 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 4     Bullhead Catfish: 10 ]
action: You kick bullhead
response: The fish sees your boot coming a mile away and easily evades your kick.

[ Your Stamina: 5     Bullhead Catfish: 10 ]
action: You slap it
response: Smack! The catfish reels from the blow.

[ Your Stamina: 3     Bullhead Catfish: 8 ]
action: You check your inventory
response: You are empty-handed.

[ Your Stamina: 4     Bullhead Catfish: 8 ]
action: You look at your surroundings
response: The bullhead has a guilty look, like it just stole some old lady's wallet, which in fact it probably had.

[ Your Stamina: 5     Bullhead Catfish: 8 ]
action: You hit the fish
response: Whack! The shiftless bottom-feeder gets a little sense knocked into it.

[ Your Stamina: 3     Bullhead Catfish: 6 ]
action: You hit the fish
response: Whack! The shiftless bottom-feeder gets a little sense knocked into it.

[ Your Stamina: 1     Bullhead Catfish: 4 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 2     Bullhead Catfish: 4 ]
action: You hit the fish
response: Smack! The catfish reels from the blow.

[ Your Stamina: 0     Bullhead Catfish: 2 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 1     Bullhead Catfish: 2 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 2     Bullhead Catfish: 2 ]
action: You hit the fish
response: That bottom-feeder is mulch.

You have Defeated the bullhead in 16 turns and 7 attacks, for a score of 12 out of a possible 20 points.

Good Job! If you want to improve your score, consider that it is based on how quickly you defeat your opponent, as well as how efficiently.

You have gained a level!!! You feel stronger than ever.

Looks like you have a moment to rest before the next one gets what's coming.

[ Your Stamina: 8 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

There are more fish coming, you can sense it.

[ Your Stamina: 9 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

Like an oversized car crowding into the alley, a really enormous bluefin tuna drifts in. Over six feet long, bloated with muscle and fat, the tuna swims up to you and stares threateningly, like a schoolyard bully. If escape was ever on your mind, which it never is, it would be impossible now, the large body of the tuna blocking the only exit.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Bluefin Tuna: 40 ]
action: You look at the tuna
response: The bluefin tuna looks like it is going to try and shake you down for lunch money.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Bluefin Tuna: 40 ]
action: You kick the tuna
response: The fish sees your boot coming a mile away and easily evades your kick.

[ Your Stamina: 9     Bluefin Tuna: 40 ]
action: You check what you're carrying
response: You are empty-handed.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Bluefin Tuna: 40 ]
action: You attack the tuna
response: That's the general idea. But how? Punch? Kick? Or then there is the primally satisfying Slap, and its counterpart, the Backhand. Decisions, decisions.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Bluefin Tuna: 40 ]
action: Backhand tuna
response: Thud! The solid body of the tuna shakes a little under the blow.

[ Your Stamina: 8     Bluefin Tuna: 38 ]
action: You check your inventory
response: You are empty-handed.

[ Your Stamina: 9     Bluefin Tuna: 38 ]
action: You look around
response: The bluefin tuna looks like it is going to try and shake you down for lunch money.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Bluefin Tuna: 38 ]
action: You look under tuna
response: There's nothing under the bluefin tuna.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Bluefin Tuna: 38 ]
action: You search the tuna
response: You find nothing of interest.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Bluefin Tuna: 38 ]
action: Go outside
response: No way you're running from no damn fish. It ends here, one way or another.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Bluefin Tuna: 38 ]
action: You get on the tuna
response: I don't know how to get on the bluefin tuna.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Bluefin Tuna: 38 ]
action: You cut the tuna
response: What do you want to cut it with?
action: You enter the tuna
response: I don't know how to enter the bluefin tuna.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Bluefin Tuna: 38 ]
action: You eat the tuna
response: The bluefin tuna doesn't appear appetizing.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Bluefin Tuna: 38 ]
action: Poke tuna
response: I don't know the word "tall".

Poking the bluefin tuna doesn't seem to have any effect.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Bluefin Tuna: 38 ]
action: You slice the tuna
response: I don't know the word "can".

What do you want to cut it with?
action: Slap fish
response: Whap! You hit the tuna like it is a punching bag.

[ Your Stamina: 8     Bluefin Tuna: 36 ]
action: Inventory
response: You are empty-handed.

[ Your Stamina: 9     Bluefin Tuna: 36 ]
action: Kiss tuna
response: Erm, that's a different game, I think.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Bluefin Tuna: 36 ]
action: You take the tuna
response: The bluefin tuna evades your grasp. You won't stop them by a simple catch and release program, anyway. It is time to settle this, once and for all.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Bluefin Tuna: 36 ]
action: You pull the tuna
response: I don't know the word "buna".

The bluefin tuna evades your grasp. You won't stop them by a simple catch and release program, anyway. It is time to settle this, once and for all.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Bluefin Tuna: 36 ]
action: You examine the tuna
response: This bluefin is the type to hide in a pod of dolphins, nevermind the consequences.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Bluefin Tuna: 36 ]
action: Inventory
response: You are empty-handed.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Bluefin Tuna: 36 ]
action: You examine the fin
response: The bluefin tuna looks like it is going to try and shake you down for lunch money.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Bluefin Tuna: 36 ]
action: You kick the tuna
response: The fish sees your boot coming a mile away and easily evades your kick.

[ Your Stamina: 9     Bluefin Tuna: 36 ]
action: Slap tuna
response: Your hand stings from the force of the slap.

[ Your Stamina: 7     Bluefin Tuna: 34 ]
action: You look at the hand
response: You see nothing special about your hands.

[ Your Stamina: 8     Bluefin Tuna: 34 ]
action: About you
response: You are sick of fish and the way they look at you. You have had enough. Now, it is payback time.

[ Your Stamina: 9     Bluefin Tuna: 34 ]
action: You look at alley
response: The alley walls are bright red brick.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Bluefin Tuna: 34 ]
action: You take the brick
response: It isn't a particularly well constructed brick wall, but you cannot pry it apart with your fingers.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Bluefin Tuna: 34 ]
action: You kick the brick
response: I don't know how to kick the wall.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Bluefin Tuna: 34 ]
action: You climb the brick
response: There are no good handholds on the wall.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Bluefin Tuna: 34 ]
action: You hit the wall
response: I don't know how to hit the wall.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Bluefin Tuna: 34 ]
action: Slap wall
response: I don't know how to slap the wall.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Bluefin Tuna: 34 ]
action: You eat fish
response: The bluefin tuna doesn't appear appetizing.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Bluefin Tuna: 34 ]
action: You listen
response: You hear nothing unexpected.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Bluefin Tuna: 34 ]
action: Plugh
response: You invoke the magic word of prayer your grandfather once taught you. But nothing happens. Some secrets are not passed down from generation to generation, but are simply lost.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Bluefin Tuna: 34 ]
action: You catch the tuna
response: The bluefin tuna evades your grasp. You won't stop them by a simple catch and release program, anyway. It is time to settle this, once and for all.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Bluefin Tuna: 34 ]
action: You give the tuna a the swirlie
response: Thud! The solid body of the tuna shakes a little under the blow.

[ Your Stamina: 8     Bluefin Tuna: 32 ]

I don't know the word "swirlie".
action: You give the lunch money to the tuna
response: The bluefin tuna looks like it is going to try and shake you down for lunch money.

[ Your Stamina: 9     Bluefin Tuna: 32 ]

I don't know the word "lunch".
action: Slap fish
response: Whap! You hit the tuna like it is a punching bag.

[ Your Stamina: 5     Bluefin Tuna: 28 ]
action: Slap fish
response: Whap! You hit the tuna like it is a punching bag.

[ Your Stamina: 3     Bluefin Tuna: 26 ]
action: Slap fish
response: Thud! The solid body of the tuna shakes a little under the blow.

[ Your Stamina: 1     Bluefin Tuna: 24 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 2     Bluefin Tuna: 24 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 3     Bluefin Tuna: 24 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 4     Bluefin Tuna: 24 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 5     Bluefin Tuna: 24 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 6     Bluefin Tuna: 24 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 7     Bluefin Tuna: 24 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 8     Bluefin Tuna: 24 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 9     Bluefin Tuna: 24 ]
action: You examine the tuna
response: This bluefin is the type to hide in a pod of dolphins, nevermind the consequences.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Bluefin Tuna: 24 ]
action: About yourself
response: You are sick of fish and the way they look at you. You have had enough. Now, it is payback time.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Bluefin Tuna: 24 ]
action: Slap fish
response: You slap the tuna hard, but it almost feels like a pat to the side of a horse for all the good it does.

[ Your Stamina: 8     Bluefin Tuna: 22 ]
action: Slap fish
response: Thud! The solid body of the tuna shakes a little under the blow.

[ Your Stamina: 6     Bluefin Tuna: 20 ]

The bullying tuna advances on you, forcing you to take a step back.
action: Poke tuna
response: Poking the bluefin tuna doesn't seem to have any effect.

[ Your Stamina: 7     Bluefin Tuna: 20 ]

The big thuggish brute pushes forward further, staring at you sternly.
action: You kick the tuna
response: The fish sees your boot coming a mile away and easily evades your kick.

[ Your Stamina: 7     Bluefin Tuna: 20 ]

You can feel the cold, foul breath of the tuna on your face.
action: Punch tuna
response: Whap! You hit the tuna like it is a punching bag.

[ Your Stamina: 5     Bluefin Tuna: 18 ]

The tuna threateningly moves closer.
action: Punch tuna
response: Whap! Another solid hit, using your off hand.

[ Your Stamina: 3     Bluefin Tuna: 16 ]

The bluefin's beady eyes stare at you malevolently.
action: Punch tuna
response: Whap! And again, with your strong arm, so fast that in a moment, this tuna is going to be chicken of more than just the sea.

[ Your Stamina: 1     Bluefin Tuna: 14 ]

The tuna flaps its tail threateningly.
action: Look around
response: The tuna doesn't look hurt, it looks angry.

[ Your Stamina: 2     Bluefin Tuna: 14 ]

The tuna advances again, and you step back again, until you feel the back wall of the alley right behind you.
action: You examine the wall
response: The alley walls are bright red brick.

[ Your Stamina: 3     Bluefin Tuna: 14 ]

The tuna threatens to crush you under its bulky body.
action: You jump
response: Wheeee!

[ Your Stamina: 4     Bluefin Tuna: 14 ]

The tuna gloats triumphantly at your cowardly retreat.
action: You kick the tuna
response: The fish sees your boot coming a mile away and easily evades your kick.

[ Your Stamina: 3     Bluefin Tuna: 14 ]
action: Punch tuna
response: Whap! You hit the tuna like it is a punching bag.

[ Your Stamina: 1     Bluefin Tuna: 12 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 2     Bluefin Tuna: 12 ]
action: Punch tuna
response: Whap! You hit the tuna like it is a punching bag.

[ Your Stamina: 0     Bluefin Tuna: 10 ]
action: You look at the alley
response: The alley walls are bright red brick.

[ Your Stamina: 1     Bluefin Tuna: 10 ]
action: You look at the tuna
response: The tuna doesn't seem to realize it is bound for Tsukiji, yet.

[ Your Stamina: 2     Bluefin Tuna: 10 ]
action: Punch tuna
response: Whap! You hit the tuna like it is a punching bag.

[ Your Stamina: 0     Bluefin Tuna: 8 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 1     Bluefin Tuna: 8 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 2     Bluefin Tuna: 8 ]
action: Punch tuna
response: Whap! You hit the tuna like it is a punching bag.

[ Your Stamina: 0     Bluefin Tuna: 6 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 1     Bluefin Tuna: 6 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 2     Bluefin Tuna: 6 ]
action: Punch tuna
response: Whap! You hit the tuna like it is a punching bag.

[ Your Stamina: 0     Bluefin Tuna: 4 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 1     Bluefin Tuna: 4 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 2     Bluefin Tuna: 4 ]
action: You look at tuna
response: The bluefin looks like a bull that has seen red.

[ Your Stamina: 3     Bluefin Tuna: 4 ]
action: Backhand tuna
response: Your hand stings from the force of the slap.

[ Your Stamina: 1     Bluefin Tuna: 2 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 2     Bluefin Tuna: 2 ]
action: Backhand tuna
response: WHAM!!! The tuna flies back, smashing against the alley wall. The force of its fall causes a brick to dislodge, revealing a dark opening. That tuna is sushi.

You have Defeated the bluefin tuna in 93 turns and 24 attacks, for a score of 0 out of a possible 20 points.

This victory was well earned. Hemingway said it best: "A man can be destroyed but not defeated". You have won, but you'll need considerably more finesse next time if you want to hold your head up high.

You look for a moment at the fallen bluefin, before it floats away with the rest of the trash. Its defeat will not go unnoticed. You had better prepare yourself as best you can, because this isn't just a back alley fistfight anymore. This is war. Your eye lingers on the dislodged brick, and the opening it revealed.

[ Your Stamina: 0 ]
action: You examine the opening
response: There is a small opening in the brick wall where a brick has been dislodged, large enough to reach into, but too dark to see inside.

There are more fish coming, you can sense it.

[ Your Stamina: 1 ]
action: You take the brick
response: Taken.

[ Your Stamina: 2 ]
action: You reach in opening
response: You reach into the dark opening. It is a narrow fit. Feeling around, the first thing you find is a piece of paper, which you take and pull out into the light.

Outside of the shelter of your small alley, there is a gathering storm. A news helicopter circles overhead.

[ Your Stamina: 3 ]
action: You read the paper
response: The last date was quite some time ago. Apparently cleaning requirements have become lax under the new management, not surprisingly.
action: You examine paper
response: [ Your Stamina: 4 ]

A single sheet of greasy paper, titled "Men's Bathroom", followed by grid of dates and times and handwritten initials. The page is difficult to straighten out as it curls up at the edges.

You see a few pilot fish peek around the corner and peer down the alley, then disappear just as quickly. Scouts.

[ Your Stamina: 5 ]
action: You reach in the opening
response: You reach into the opening again, and this time you find what feels like a wooden pole. You lay the pole down, and pull it out by its end, until it gets stuck at what you recognize as a mop head. It is detachable, though, so a moment later you have unscrewed the mop head and let it drop back in the opening, while you have the handle, which you prefer to think of as a staff.

[ Your Stamina: 6 ]
action: You hit the fish with the staff
response: The swordfish parries your strike, but for a moment, at least, your staff is pressed up against its bill, exposing the left side of its body.

[ Your Stamina: 6     Swordfish: 20 ]
action: Backhand fish
response: The long sword of the swordfish is in your way, you'll have to concentrate on only one side of this murderous fish.

[ Your Stamina: 7     Swordfish: 20 ]
action: You hit the body with the brick
response: Whack! The swordfish gets a little tenderized.

[ Your Stamina: 5     Swordfish: 18 ]

The swordfish pushes away your staff and swims back a couple paces.
action: You hit the fish with the staff
response: The swordfish parries your strike, but for a moment, at least, your staff is pressed up against its bill, exposing the left side of its body.

[ Your Stamina: 4     Swordfish: 18 ]
action: You kick the body
response: You give the swordfish a good kick to the belly.

[ Your Stamina: 2     Swordfish: 16 ]
action: Keep going
response: You give the swordfish a good kick to the belly.

[ Your Stamina: 0     Swordfish: 14 ]

The swordfish pushes away your staff and swims back a couple paces.
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 1     Swordfish: 14 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 2     Swordfish: 14 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 3     Swordfish: 14 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 4     Swordfish: 14 ]
action: You hit the fish with the staff
response: The swordfish parries your strike, but for a moment, at least, your staff is pressed up against its bill, exposing the left side of its body.

[ Your Stamina: 3     Swordfish: 14 ]
action: You kick the fish
response: You give the swordfish a good kick to the belly.

[ Your Stamina: 1     Swordfish: 12 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 2     Swordfish: 12 ]

The swordfish pushes away your staff and swims back a couple paces.
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 3     Swordfish: 12 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 4     Swordfish: 12 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 5     Swordfish: 12 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 6     Swordfish: 12 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 7     Swordfish: 12 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 8     Swordfish: 12 ]
action: You hit the fish with the staff
response: The swordfish parries your strike, but for a moment, at least, your staff is pressed up against its bill, exposing the left side of its body.

[ Your Stamina: 7     Swordfish: 12 ]
action: You kick the fish
response: You give the swordfish a good kick to the belly.

[ Your Stamina: 5     Swordfish: 10 ]
action: You kick fish
response: You give the swordfish a good kick to the belly.

[ Your Stamina: 3     Swordfish: 8 ]

The swordfish pushes away your staff and strikes at you, drawing blood in a thin line across the bridge of your nose.
action: You hit the fish with the staff
response: The swordfish parries your strike, but for a moment, at least, your staff is pressed up against its bill, exposing the left side of its body.

[ Your Stamina: 2     Swordfish: 8 ]
action: You kick the fish
response: You give the swordfish a good kick to the belly.

[ Your Stamina: 0     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 1     Swordfish: 6 ]

The swordfish pushes away your staff and strikes at the mop handle, hard, splintering it into a thousand tiny pieces, one of which lodges in your forearm. You are left holding a small baton, no more than 18 inches long. The swordfish grins in pleasure. You pull the splinter out of your arm.
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 2     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 3     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 4     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 5     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You rest
response: You rest for a moment to regain your strength...

[ Your Stamina: 6     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: Inventory
response: You have a brick, a piece of paper, a broken mop handle, and a needle-like splinter.

[ Your Stamina: 7     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You poke the swordfish with the splinter
response: You can't get close enough to use it.

[ Your Stamina: 8     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You hit the fish with the brick
response: The swordfish knocks the brick out of your hands with a deft flick of its bill.

[ Your Stamina: 7     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You take the brick
response: Taken.

[ Your Stamina: 8     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You hit the fish with the handle
response: The swordfish easily evades the short handle and gives you a cut to the arm to remember it by.

[ Your Stamina: 6     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You reach in the opening
response: You reach into the opening again. You can feel a mop head, and the rim of a large bucket, but nothing else.

[ Your Stamina: 9     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You reach in the bucket
response: You reach into the bucket and feel around. You feel something soft and wet and smooth. You pull it out of the opening and take a look: it's a rubber glove. Which is not at all what it felt like, but you've never been very good at that sort of thing.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You examine the glove
response: It looks like an ordinary rubber glove to me.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You wear it
response: Okay, you're now wearing the rubber glove.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You reach in the bucket
response: You reach into the bucket, but don't feel anything in particular.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You hit the sword
response: The swordfish slashes at your arm, cutting your sleeve to ribbons.

[ Your Stamina: 9     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You kick the sword
response: The swordfish nods its head down and slashes at your leg, slicing into your pant leg.

[ Your Stamina: 8     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You throw the brick at the fish
response: The swordfish deflects the brick, sending it crashing into your temple. Blood trickles into your eyes.

[ Your Stamina: 3     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You put the paper on the sword
response: There's no good surface on the swordfish.

[ Your Stamina: 9     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You take the sword
response: The swordfish evades your grasp. You won't stop them by a simple catch and release program, anyway. It is time to settle this, once and for all.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You throw the splinter at the fish
response: You hit the swordfish with the needle, but it doesn't penetrate, and falls harmlessly to the ground. You need some way to shoot the splinter much faster if you hope to make it a dangerous projectile.

[ Your Stamina: 9     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: Inventory
response: You have a piece of paper, a broken mop handle, a needle-like splinter, a brick, and a rubber glove (being worn).

[ Your Stamina: 9     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You roll paper
response: You roll the paper into a tight tube, almost like a pipe or something.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You put the splinter in the paper
response: You carefully load the needle into the rolled up sheet of paper, making a deadly blowgun. (To use the blowgun, simply SHOOT [TARGET].)

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You shoot the fish
response: You put your makeshift blowgun up to your mouth and blow. The needle shoots out, but the swordfish easily deflects it.

[ Your Stamina: 9     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You take the needle
response: Taken.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: Break opening
response: You'll have to tell me how to do that.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You remove the glove
response: Okay, you're no longer wearing the rubber glove.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You put the glove on the handle
response: There is no good surface on the broken mop handle.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You put the brick in the glove
response: You can't put anything into the rubber glove.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: Inventory
response: You have a tightly rolled sheet of paper, a broken mop handle, a brick, a rubber glove, and a needle-like splinter.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You put the handle in the paper
response: You can't fit that in the tightly rolled sheet of paper.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You put the splinter in the paper
response: You carefully load the needle into the rolled up sheet of paper, making a deadly blowgun. (To use the blowgun, simply SHOOT [TARGET].)

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You examine the handle
response: There is only about a foot and a half left of the mop handle.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: About you
response: You are sick of fish and the way they look at you. You have had enough. Now, it is payback time.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You look at the fish
response: The cocky swordfish chooses this moment to reveal that it is left-handed, but as it isn't holding a sword, but swinging at you with its bill, the revelation is less than impressive.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You reach in the bucket
response: You reach into the bucket, but don't feel anything in particular.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You move the bucket
response: You reach into the opening and fiddle around with the bucket, to no effect.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You read the paper
response: The paper isn't really readable in its current configuration.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You open the paper
response: I don't know how to open the blowgun.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: Unfold paper
response: The paper isn't folded, it is rolled.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: Unroll paper
response: You carefully take the splinter out of the tube, and unroll the paper and flatten it out as best you can.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You fold the paper
response: You fold the paper into a neat square.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You examine paper
response: A single sheet of greasy paper, neatly folded.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You throw it at the fish
response: You are in no mood for a game of catch.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You fold the paper
response: You have already folded the paper. Further folding would get dangerously close to origami.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You roll paper
response: You'll have to unfold it, first.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You hit the fish with the brick
response: The swordfish knocks the brick out of your hands with a deft flick of its bill.

[ Your Stamina: 9     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You take the brick
response: Taken.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: Inventory
response: You have a piece of paper, a broken mop handle, a rubber glove, a needle-like splinter, and a brick.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You look at the alley
response: The alley walls are bright red brick. There is a small opening in the brick wall where a brick has been dislodged, large enough to reach into, but too dark to see inside.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You climb the wall
response: There are no good handholds on the wall.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You climb the fish
response: Whoa. Settle down there, Aquaman.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You jump
response: Wheeee!

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You hit the fish with the glove
response: You strike a glancing blow at the swordfish with the rubber glove. "Shall we say pistols at dawn?"

The swordfish does not respond. Looks like you're going to have to take care of this the old fashioned way, with your fist, foot, and, whenever possible, open palm.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You stab the fish with the handle
response: The swordfish easily evades the short handle and gives you a cut to the arm to remember it by.

[ Your Stamina: 8     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: Climb opening
response: I don't know how to climb the dark opening.

[ Your Stamina: 9     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: Xyzzy
response: You invoke the magic word of prayer your grandfather once taught you. But nothing happens. Some secrets are not passed down from generation to generation, but are simply lost.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You hit the fish with the paper
response: It's not very effective to attack with the piece of paper.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You reach in the hole
response: You reach into the opening again. You can feel a mop head, and the rim of a large bucket, but nothing else.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You search the mop head
response: You find nothing of interest.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You get the mop head
response: You can't get the mop head out of the small opening.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You kick the fish
response: The swordfish nods its head down and slashes at your leg, slicing into your pant leg.

[ Your Stamina: 9     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You hit the fish with the handle
response: The swordfish easily evades the short handle and gives you a cut to the arm to remember it by.

[ Your Stamina: 7     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You roll paper
response: You roll the paper into a tight tube, almost like a pipe or something.

[ Your Stamina: 8     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You put the splinter in the paper
response: You carefully load the needle into the rolled up sheet of paper, making a deadly blowgun. (To use the blowgun, simply SHOOT [TARGET].)

[ Your Stamina: 9     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You shoot the body
response: You put your makeshift blowgun up to your mouth and blow. The needle shoots out, but the swordfish easily deflects it.

[ Your Stamina: 8     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You take the needle
response: Taken.

[ Your Stamina: 9     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You go north
response: No way you're running from no damn fish. It ends here, one way or another.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You look under the fish
response: There's nothing under the swordfish.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You kick the wall
response: I don't know how to kick the wall.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You kick the bucket
response: Not today. Not if you can help it.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: Punch fish
response: The swordfish slashes at your arm, cutting your sleeve to ribbons.

[ Your Stamina: 8     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You stand on the sword
response: I don't know how to stand on the swordfish.

[ Your Stamina: 9     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You examine the handle
response: There is only about a foot and a half left of the mop handle.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You pull the handle
response: Pulling the broken mop handle doesn't have any effect.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You examine the brick
response: A crumbling red brick.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You throw the brick at the fish
response: The swordfish deflects the brick, sending it crashing into your temple. Blood trickles into your eyes.

[ Your Stamina: 5     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You examine the brick
response: A crumbling red brick.

[ Your Stamina: 6     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You take the brick
response: Taken.

[ Your Stamina: 7     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You hit the fish with the brick
response: The swordfish knocks the brick out of your hands with a deft flick of its bill.

[ Your Stamina: 6     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You examine the brick
response: A crumbling red brick.

[ Your Stamina: 8     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You attach the brick to handle
response: There's no obvious way to do that.

[ Your Stamina: 9     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You stab the brick with the handle
response: You take out your frustrations on the brick.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You look in the glove
response: There's nothing in the rubber glove.

[ Your Stamina: 9     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You poke fish with the handle
response: The swordfish easily evades the short handle and gives you a cut to the arm to remember it by.

[ Your Stamina: 7     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: Poke brick
response: Poking the brick doesn't seem to have any effect.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You throw the handle at the fish
response: You are in no mood for a game of catch.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You put the fish in the opening
response: You can't put the swordfish anywhere.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You look at what you're carrying with you
response: You have a blowgun, a broken mop handle, a rubber glove, and a brick. The blowgun seems to contain a needle-like splinter.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You backhand yourself
response: I don't know how to backhand yourself.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You examine Swordfish
response: The swordfish is putting up a few "Give Swordfish a Break" bumper stickers, but you aren't buying.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You examine the handle
response: There is only about a foot and a half left of the mop handle.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You look
response: The swordfish is starting to look a bit pale and tired.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: Inventory
response: You have a blowgun, a broken mop handle, a rubber glove, and a brick. The blowgun seems to contain a needle-like splinter.

[ Your Stamina: 10        Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You throw the brick at fish
response: The swordfish deflects the brick, sending it crashing into your temple. Blood trickles into your eyes.

[ Your Stamina: 1     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: You kick the fish
response: The swordfish nods its head down and slashes at your leg, slicing into your pant leg.

[ Your Stamina: 7     Swordfish: 6 ]
action: Describe the surroundings
response: The swordfish is putting up a few "Give Swordfish a Break" bumper stickers, but you aren't buying.

[ Your Stamina: 8     Swordfish: 6 ]