Cut the Red Wire! No, the Blue Wire!
by David Whyld (2012)
Genres: Humor

You are a bomb disposal expert at the old warehouse on Throggmorton Row facing a big, nasty bomb. A red wire and a blue wire dangle from the side of the bomb.

action: %
response: Loading game...

Cut the Red Wire! No, the Blue Wire!

Cut the Red Wire!
No, the Blue Wire!

The warehouse itself is nothing special. The large bomb clamped to a wall in the centre of the main area is. A cordon has been erected around it, keeping back a crowd of sightseers eager to see a bomb disposal expert blown to pieces.
A red wire and a blue wire dangle from the side of the bomb.
action: About you
response: You're a bit short for your height, but otherwise unremarkable.

Unfortunately, your hesitation has cost you dearly. The bomb explodes, taking you, and it, up in a large cloud of smoke.
The sightseers give a raucous cheer and conclude that this was the
best damn explosion they've witnessed all week.

You float up to Heaven where Saint Paul, decked out in Armani garb to die for, informs you that the Big Guy is mightily disappointed in your shoddy performance and has determined you're going to go right back down and get it done properly. You aren't given a say in this, but Saint Paul does give you a hefty kick up the backside to speed you on your way.
Massage your aching buttocks and press the RETURN key if you'd be so kind.

The warehouse itself is nothing special. The large bomb clamped to a wall in the centre of the main area is. A cordon has been erected around it, keeping back a crowd of sightseers eager to see a bomb disposal expert blown to pieces.
A red wire and a blue wire dangle from the side of the bomb.
action: You cut red Wire
response: You cut the red wire.
A moment's breathless anticipation follows.
Followed by a thunderous explosion as the bomb explodes anyway. Ah well, it was a good try.

You float up to Heaven where Saint Paul, decked out in Armani garb to die for, informs you that the Big Guy is mightily disappointed in your shoddy performance and has determined you're going to go right back down and get it done properly. You aren't given a say in this, but Saint Paul does give you a hefty kick up the backside to speed you on your way.
Massage your aching buttocks and press the RETURN key if you'd be so kind.

The warehouse itself is nothing special. The large bomb clamped to a wall in the centre of the main area is. A cordon has been erected around it, keeping back a crowd of sightseers eager to see a bomb disposal expert blown to pieces.
A red wire and a blue wire dangle from the side of the bomb.
action: You cut blue Wire
response: You cut the blue wire.
A moment's breathless anticipation follows.
Followed by a thunderous explosion as the bomb explodes anyway. Ah well, it was a good try.

You float up to Heaven where Saint Paul, decked out in Armani garb to die for, informs you that the Big Guy is mightily disappointed in your shoddy performance and has determined you're going to go right back down and get it done properly. You aren't given a say in this, but Saint Paul does give you a hefty kick up the backside to speed you on your way.
Massage your aching buttocks and press the RETURN key if you'd be so kind.

[MORE]
action: You massage the buttocks
response: The warehouse itself is nothing special. The large bomb clamped to a wall in the centre of the main area is. A cordon has been erected around it, keeping back a crowd of sightseers eager to see a bomb disposal expert blown to pieces.
A red wire and a blue wire dangle from the side of the bomb.
action: You pull blue Wire
response: You pull the blue wire, hoping this might defuse the bomb.
The thunderously loud explosion which abruptly tears you apart indicates this isn't the case.

You float up to Heaven where Saint Paul, decked out in Armani garb to die for, informs you that the Big Guy is mightily disappointed in your shoddy performance and has determined you're going to go right back down and get it done properly. You aren't given a say in this, but Saint Paul does give you a hefty kick up the backside to speed you on your way.
Massage your aching buttocks and press the RETURN key if you'd be so kind.

The warehouse itself is nothing special. The large bomb clamped to a wall in the centre of the main area is. A cordon has been erected around it, keeping back a crowd of sightseers eager to see a bomb disposal expert blown to pieces.
A red wire and a blue wire dangle from the side of the bomb.
action: You examine the bomb
response: It's a remarkably nasty and efficient looking bomb. The sort of bomb that immediately commands attention. A guy would have to be totally mad, or have a death wish on his hands, to try and defuse something like this.
Why is it, you wonder, that you decided to become a bomb disposal expert? Wasn't stacking shelves in Asda enough excitement for you?

[MORE]
action: You press the green
response: Unfortunately, your hesitation has cost you dearly. The bomb explodes, taking you, and it, up in a large cloud of smoke.
The sightseers give a raucous cheer and conclude that this was the
best damn explosion they've witnessed all week.

You float up to Heaven where Saint Paul, decked out in Armani garb to die for, informs you that the Big Guy is mightily disappointed in your shoddy performance and has determined you're going to go right back down and get it done properly. You aren't given a say in this, but Saint Paul does give you a hefty kick up the backside to speed you on your way.
Massage your aching buttocks and press the RETURN key if you'd be so kind.

The warehouse itself is nothing special. The large bomb clamped to a wall in the centre of the main area is. A cordon has been erected around it, keeping back a crowd of sightseers eager to see a bomb disposal expert blown to pieces.
A red wire and a blue wire dangle from the side of the bomb.
action: You eat bomb
response: Whatever that was, it won't be done.

Unfortunately, your hesitation has cost you dearly. The bomb explodes, taking you, and it, up in a large cloud of smoke.
The sightseers give a raucous cheer and conclude that this was the
best damn explosion they've witnessed all week.

You float up to Heaven where Saint Paul, decked out in Armani garb to die for, informs you that the Big Guy is mightily disappointed in your shoddy performance and has determined you're going to go right back down and get it done properly. You aren't given a say in this, but Saint Paul does give you a hefty kick up the backside to speed you on your way.
Massage your aching buttocks and press the RETURN key if you'd be so kind.

The warehouse itself is nothing special. The large bomb clamped to a wall in the centre of the main area is. A cordon has been erected around it, keeping back a crowd of sightseers eager to see a bomb disposal expert blown to pieces.
A red wire and a blue wire dangle from the side of the bomb.
action: You throw the bomb at the crowd
response: You attempt to engage the sightseers but as they're only here for the spectacle of seeing you go up in smoke, they don't prove very helpful.

The bomb explodes, taking you, and it, up in a large cloud of smoke. The sightseers give a raucous cheer and conclude that this was the
best damn explosion they've witnessed all week.

You float up to Heaven where Saint Paul, decked out in Armani garb to die for, informs you that the Big Guy is mightily disappointed in your shoddy performance and has determined you're going to go right back down and get it done properly. You aren't given a say in this, but Saint Paul does give you a hefty kick up the backside to speed you on your way.
Massage your aching buttocks and press the RETURN key if you'd be so kind.

The warehouse itself is nothing special. The large bomb clamped to a wall in the centre of the main area is. A cordon has been erected around it, keeping back a crowd of sightseers eager to see a bomb disposal expert blown to pieces.
A red wire and a blue wire dangle from the side of the bomb.
action: Pray
response: You try praying. It's never worked before and, unsurprisingly, it doesn't work now.

The bomb explodes, taking you, and it, up in a large cloud of smoke. The sightseers give a raucous cheer and conclude that this was the
best damn explosion they've witnessed all week.

You float up to Heaven where Saint Paul, decked out in Armani garb to die for, informs you that the Big Guy is mightily disappointed in your shoddy performance and has determined you're going to go right back down and get it done properly. You aren't given a say in this, but Saint Paul does give you a hefty kick up the backside to speed you on your way.
Massage your aching buttocks and press the RETURN key if you'd be so kind.

The warehouse itself is nothing special. The large bomb clamped to a wall in the centre of the main area is. A cordon has been erected around it, keeping back a crowd of sightseers eager to see a bomb disposal expert blown to pieces.
A red wire and a blue wire dangle from the side of the bomb.
action: You examine red Wire
response: The red wire stares at you and you stare at it. Unfortunately, this staring contest has only one winner: the bomb.

[MORE]
action: You look at red Wire
response: You float up to Heaven where Saint Paul, decked out in Armani garb to die for, informs you that the Big Guy is mightily disappointed in your shoddy performance and has determined you're going to go right back down and get it done properly. You aren't given a say in this, but Saint Paul does give you a hefty kick up the backside to speed you on your way.
Massage your aching buttocks and press the RETURN key if you'd be so kind.

The warehouse itself is nothing special. The large bomb clamped to a wall in the centre of the main area is. A cordon has been erected around it, keeping back a crowd of sightseers eager to see a bomb disposal expert blown to pieces.
A red wire and a blue wire dangle from the side of the bomb.
action: You examine blue Wire
response: The blue wire stares at you and you stare at it. Unfortunately, this staring contest has only one winner: the bomb.

You float up to Heaven where Saint Paul, decked out in Armani garb to die for, informs you that the Big Guy is mightily disappointed in your shoddy performance and has determined you're going to go right back down and get it done properly. You aren't given a say in this, but Saint Paul does give you a hefty kick up the backside to speed you on your way.
Massage your aching buttocks and press the RETURN key if you'd be so kind.

The warehouse itself is nothing special. The large bomb clamped to a wall in the centre of the main area is. A cordon has been erected around it, keeping back a crowd of sightseers eager to see a bomb disposal expert blown to pieces.
A red wire and a blue wire dangle from the side of the bomb.
Whatever that was, it won't be done.

[MORE]
action: You check your inventory
response: Unfortunately, your hesitation has cost you dearly. The bomb explodes, taking you, and it, up in a large cloud of smoke.
The sightseers give a raucous cheer and conclude that this was the
best damn explosion they've witnessed all week.

You float up to Heaven where Saint Paul, decked out in Armani garb to die for, informs you that the Big Guy is mightily disappointed in your shoddy performance and has determined you're going to go right back down and get it done properly. You aren't given a say in this, but Saint Paul does give you a hefty kick up the backside to speed you on your way.
Massage your aching buttocks and press the RETURN key if you'd be so kind.

The warehouse itself is nothing special. The large bomb clamped to a wall in the centre of the main area is. A cordon has been erected around it, keeping back a crowd of sightseers eager to see a bomb disposal expert blown to pieces.
A red wire and a blue wire dangle from the side of the bomb.
Whatever that was, it won't be done.

[MORE]
action: Inventory
response: Unfortunately, your hesitation has cost you dearly. The bomb explodes, taking you, and it, up in a large cloud of smoke.
The sightseers give a raucous cheer and conclude that this was the
best damn explosion they've witnessed all week.

You float up to Heaven where Saint Paul, decked out in Armani garb to die for, informs you that the Big Guy is mightily disappointed in your shoddy performance and has determined you're going to go right back down and get it done properly. You aren't given a say in this, but Saint Paul does give you a hefty kick up the backside to speed you on your way.
Massage your aching buttocks and press the RETURN key if you'd be so kind.

The warehouse itself is nothing special. The large bomb clamped to a wall in the centre of the main area is. A cordon has been erected around it, keeping back a crowd of sightseers eager to see a bomb disposal expert blown to pieces.
A red wire and a blue wire dangle from the side of the bomb.
action: No the blue wire
response: You cut the red wire.
A moment's breathless anticipation follows.
Followed by a thunderous explosion as the bomb explodes anyway. Ah well, it was a good try.

You float up to Heaven where Saint Paul, decked out in Armani garb to die for, informs you that the Big Guy is mightily disappointed in your shoddy performance and has determined you're going to go right back down and get it done properly. You aren't given a say in this, but Saint Paul does give you a hefty kick up the backside to speed you on your way.
Massage your aching buttocks and press the RETURN key if you'd be so kind.

The warehouse itself is nothing special. The large bomb clamped to a wall in the centre of the main area is. A cordon has been erected around it, keeping back a crowd of sightseers eager to see a bomb disposal expert blown to pieces.
A red wire and a blue wire dangle from the side of the bomb.

The blue wire stares at you and you stare at it. Unfortunately, this staring contest has only one winner: the bomb.

You float up to Heaven where Saint Paul, decked out in Armani garb to die for, informs you that the Big Guy is mightily disappointed in your shoddy performance and has determined you're going to go right back down and get it done properly. You aren't given a say in this, but Saint Paul does give you a hefty kick up the backside to speed you on your way.
Massage your aching buttocks and press the RETURN key if you'd be so kind.

The warehouse itself is nothing special. The large bomb clamped to a wall in the centre of the main area is. A cordon has been erected around it, keeping back a crowd of sightseers eager to see a bomb disposal expert blown to pieces.
A red wire and a blue wire dangle from the side of the bomb.
action: You check your inventory
response: You are carrying a pair of wire cutters.

Unfortunately, your hesitation has cost you dearly. The bomb explodes, taking you, and it, up in a large cloud of smoke.
The sightseers give a raucous cheer and conclude that this was the
best damn explosion they've witnessed all week.

You float up to Heaven where Saint Paul, decked out in Armani garb to die for, informs you that the Big Guy is mightily disappointed in your shoddy performance and has determined you're going to go right back down and get it done properly. You aren't given a say in this, but Saint Paul does give you a hefty kick up the backside to speed you on your way.
Massage your aching buttocks and press the RETURN key if you'd be so kind.

The warehouse itself is nothing special. The large bomb clamped to a wall in the centre of the main area is. A cordon has been erected around it, keeping back a crowd of sightseers eager to see a bomb disposal expert blown to pieces.
A red wire and a blue wire dangle from the side of the bomb.
action: You examine yourself
response: [x me]
You're a bit short for your height, but otherwise unremarkable.

Unfortunately, your hesitation has cost you dearly. The bomb explodes, taking you, and it, up in a large cloud of smoke.
The sightseers give a raucous cheer and conclude that this was the
best damn explosion they've witnessed all week.

You float up to Heaven where Saint Paul, decked out in Armani garb to die for, informs you that the Big Guy is mightily disappointed in your shoddy performance and has determined you're going to go right back down and get it done properly. You aren't given a say in this, but Saint Paul does give you a hefty kick up the backside to speed you on your way.
Massage your aching buttocks and press the RETURN key if you'd be so kind.

The warehouse itself is nothing special. The large bomb clamped to a wall in the centre of the main area is. A cordon has been erected around it, keeping back a crowd of sightseers eager to see a bomb disposal expert blown to pieces.
A red wire and a blue wire dangle from the side of the bomb.
action: Xyzzy
response: You utter the magic word, hoping it will defuse the bomb, move it to a safe location, shield you from its blast, or save you in some other way.
Unfortunately it doesn't do anything other than waste your last
moment on Earth due to the bomb exploding a moment later.
action: You look at the clamp
response: Whatever that was, it won't be done.

Unfortunately, your hesitation has cost you dearly. The bomb explodes, taking you, and it, up in a large cloud of smoke.
The sightseers give a raucous cheer and conclude that this was the
best damn explosion they've witnessed all week.

You float up to Heaven where Saint Paul, decked out in Armani garb to die for, informs you that the Big Guy is mightily disappointed in your shoddy performance and has determined you're going to go right back down and get it done properly. You aren't given a say in this, but Saint Paul does give you a hefty kick up the backside to speed you on your way.
Massage your aching buttocks and press the RETURN key if you'd be so kind.

The warehouse itself is nothing special. The large bomb clamped to a wall in the centre of the main area is. A cordon has been erected around it, keeping back a crowd of sightseers eager to see a bomb disposal expert blown to pieces.
A red wire and a blue wire dangle from the side of the bomb.
Whatever that was, it won't be done.

Unfortunately, your hesitation has cost you dearly. The bomb explodes, taking you, and it, up in a large cloud of smoke.
The sightseers give a raucous cheer and conclude that this was the
best damn explosion they've witnessed all week.

You float up to Heaven where Saint Paul, decked out in Armani garb to die for, informs you that the Big Guy is mightily disappointed in your shoddy performance and has determined you're going to go right back down and get it done properly. You aren't given a say in this, but Saint Paul does give you a hefty kick up the backside to speed you on your way.
Massage your aching buttocks and press the RETURN key if you'd be so kind.

The warehouse itself is nothing special. The large bomb clamped to a wall in the centre of the main area is. A cordon has been erected around it, keeping back a crowd of sightseers eager to see a bomb disposal expert blown to pieces.
A red wire and a blue wire dangle from the side of the bomb.
action: You turn off the bomb
response: Whatever that was, it won't be done.

Unfortunately, your hesitation has cost you dearly. The bomb explodes, taking you, and it, up in a large cloud of smoke.
The sightseers give a raucous cheer and conclude that this was the
best damn explosion they've witnessed all week.

You float up to Heaven where Saint Paul, decked out in Armani garb to die for, informs you that the Big Guy is mightily disappointed in your shoddy performance and has determined you're going to go right back down and get it done properly. You aren't given a say in this, but Saint Paul does give you a hefty kick up the backside to speed you on your way.
Massage your aching buttocks and press the RETURN key if you'd be so kind.

The warehouse itself is nothing special. The large bomb clamped to a wall in the centre of the main area is. A cordon has been erected around it, keeping back a crowd of sightseers eager to see a bomb disposal expert blown to pieces.
A red wire and a blue wire dangle from the side of the bomb.
action: You examine the wall
response: Your thoughts stray in the direction of the walls, but the bomb has other ideas and blows you up so the walls will forever remain a mystery.

You float up to Heaven where Saint Paul, decked out in Armani garb to die for, informs you that the Big Guy is mightily disappointed in your shoddy performance and has determined you're going to go right back down and get it done properly. You aren't given a say in this, but Saint Paul does give you a hefty kick up the backside to speed you on your way.
Massage your aching buttocks and press the RETURN key if you'd be so kind.

The warehouse itself is nothing special. The large bomb clamped to a wall in the centre of the main area is. A cordon has been erected around it, keeping back a crowd of sightseers eager to see a bomb disposal expert blown to pieces.
A red wire and a blue wire dangle from the side of the bomb.
action: You attach red Wire to blue Wire
response: The red wire stares at you and you stare at it. Unfortunately, this staring contest has only one winner: the bomb.

You float up to Heaven where Saint Paul, decked out in Armani garb to die for, informs you that the Big Guy is mightily disappointed in your shoddy performance and has determined you're going to go right back down and get it done properly. You aren't given a say in this, but Saint Paul does give you a hefty kick up the backside to speed you on your way.
Massage your aching buttocks and press the RETURN key if you'd be so kind.

The warehouse itself is nothing special. The large bomb clamped to a wall in the centre of the main area is. A cordon has been erected around it, keeping back a crowd of sightseers eager to see a bomb disposal expert blown to pieces.
A red wire and a blue wire dangle from the side of the bomb.
action: You hit the bomb
response: [kill bomb]
Thoughts of violence enter your mind but are never acted upon due to the unfortunately timed explosion from the bomb.

You float up to Heaven where Saint Paul, decked out in Armani garb to die for, informs you that the Big Guy is mightily disappointed in your shoddy performance and has determined you're going to go right back down and get it done properly. You aren't given a say in this, but Saint Paul does give you a hefty kick up the backside to speed you on your way.
Massage your aching buttocks and press the RETURN key if you'd be so kind.

The warehouse itself is nothing special. The large bomb clamped to a wall in the centre of the main area is. A cordon has been erected around it, keeping back a crowd of sightseers eager to see a bomb disposal expert blown to pieces.
A red wire and a blue wire dangle from the side of the bomb.
action: You hit the bomb with the davidw
response: [kill bomb with DavidW]
Thoughts of violence enter your mind but are never acted upon due to the unfortunately timed explosion from the bomb.

You float up to Heaven where Saint Paul, decked out in Armani garb to die for, informs you that the Big Guy is mightily disappointed in your shoddy performance and has determined you're going to go right back down and get it done properly. You aren't given a say in this, but Saint Paul does give you a hefty kick up the backside to speed you on your way.
Massage your aching buttocks and press the RETURN key if you'd be so kind.

The warehouse itself is nothing special. The large bomb clamped to a wall in the centre of the main area is. A cordon has been erected around it, keeping back a crowd of sightseers eager to see a bomb disposal expert blown to pieces.
A red wire and a blue wire dangle from the side of the bomb.
action: You wake up
response: [wake u]
Whatever that was, it won't be done.

Unfortunately, your hesitation has cost you dearly. The bomb explodes, taking you, and it, up in a large cloud of smoke.
The sightseers give a raucous cheer and conclude that this was the
best damn explosion they've witnessed all week.

You float up to Heaven where Saint Paul, decked out in Armani garb to die for, informs you that the Big Guy is mightily disappointed in your shoddy performance and has determined you're going to go right back down and get it done properly. You aren't given a say in this, but Saint Paul does give you a hefty kick up the backside to speed you on your way.
Massage your aching buttocks and press the RETURN key if you'd be so kind.

The warehouse itself is nothing special. The large bomb clamped to a wall in the centre of the main area is. A cordon has been erected around it, keeping back a crowd of sightseers eager to see a bomb disposal expert blown to pieces.
A red wire and a blue wire dangle from the side of the bomb.
action: You cut green Wire
response: Which wire? The red wire or the blue wire?
Unfortunately, your struggles with disambiguation have cost you
dearly.

The bomb explodes, taking you, and it, up in a large cloud of smoke. The sightseers give a raucous cheer and conclude that this was the
best damn explosion they've witnessed all week.

You float up to Heaven where Saint Paul, decked out in Armani garb to die for, informs you that the Big Guy is mightily disappointed in your shoddy performance and has determined you're going to go right back down and get it done properly. You aren't given a say in this, but Saint Paul does give you a hefty kick up the backside to speed you on your way.
Massage your aching buttocks and press the RETURN key if you'd be so kind.

The warehouse itself is nothing special. The large bomb clamped to a wall in the centre of the main area is. A cordon has been erected around it, keeping back a crowd of sightseers eager to see a bomb disposal expert blown to pieces.
A red wire and a blue wire dangle from the side of the bomb.