PAX East 2010 Speed-IF
by Jesse McGrew (2010)

You play as a magic user who wants to visit the 1846 Better Living Through Wizardry convention in Boston. First you have to get there, then you need to find the transubstantiation panel, and maybe pick up a couple spells along the way.

action: %
response: Your bags are shipped ahead, you've got your ticket, and you're ready to head off to the 1846 Better Living Through Wizardry convention in Boston. Now you just have to get there...

The broken-down brooms scattered around the lobby suggest that this broom station hasn't been well maintained. A musty smell wafts in from the platforms, one to the east and one to the west.
action: You check your inventory
response: You are carrying:
ticket
You haven't learned any spells.
action: You look at the ticket
response: This ticket is valid for one round trip on any broom route.
action: About you
response: You look like you're up for an adventure.
action: You go to the west
response: A sign above the platform reads: 'Broom 431 to Boston'. The lobby is back to the east.
A broom hovers on the platform, ready to be boarded.
action: You examine the broom
response: This broom is crafted from smooth cherry wood and bears the inscription '431'. To board it, you'll need to insert a ticket in the slot.
action: Board broom
response: The broom bucks you off! You'll need to insert a ticket first.
action: You put the ticket in the broom
response: You slide the ticket into the broom's ticket slot, and the broom shakes in a welcoming fashion. You climb aboard, and the broom tilts back and rockets up through the stratosphere.

As you learned back in wizard academy, long-distance broom travel relies on the low gravity of outer space, and only became practical when the lesoch spell was invented to allow travelers to breathe on the journey. Luckily, you had the foresight to add the lesoch option to your ticket!

After a few short minutes, the broom falls back to earth, and you step off on the roof of the Boston Convention Center.

A cold, blustery wind blows past you. The stairs leading down to the lobby are behind a doorway.
There is a bowl of fettucini and a scroll here.
action: You take the fettucini
response: You pick up the bowl of fettucini.
action: You take the scroll
response: You pick up the scroll.
action: You read it
response: As you read the scroll, the malyon spell burns itself into your mind. The scroll turns to dust.
action: Inventory
response: You are carrying:
bowl of fettucini
You have learned the spells:
malyon (animate)
action: Malyon fettucini
response: You cast malyon at the bowl of fettucini, and the noodles turn into snakes! The snakes slither under the door, and perhaps to thank you for granting them life, they unlock it for you. You climb downstairs to the lobby.

Many things are going on at this convention, but the one you're interested in right now is the Transubstantiation panel, through a maze of queue barriers to the north.
There is a fuzz, a crud, and a lamp here.
action: You take the fuzz
response: It's a worthless piece of fuzz.

You pick up the fuzz.
action: You examine the crud
response: It's a worthless piece of crud.
action: You take the crud
response: You pick up the crud.
action: You examine the lamp
response: It's made of brass.
action: You get the lamp
response: You pick up the lamp.
action: Malyon fuzz
response: Nothing happens.
action: You check what you're carrying
response: You are carrying:
lamp (providing light)
crud
fuzz
bowl of fettucini
You have learned the spells:
malyon (animate)
action: Go north
response: You are in a twisting path of queue barriers, all alike.
action: Malyon bowl
response: You cast malyon at the bowl of fettucini, and the noodles turn into snakes! The snakes slither under the door, and perhaps to thank you for granting them life, they unlock it for you. You climb downstairs to the lobby.

Many things are going on at this convention, but the one you're interested in right now is the Transubstantiation panel, through a maze of queue barriers to the north.
action: You drop the fuzz
response: You drop the fuzz.
action: You drop the crud
response: You drop the crud.
action: You check what you're carrying
response: You are carrying:
lamp (providing light)
bowl of fettucini
You have learned the spells:
malyon (animate)
action: You go to the east
response: You are in a twisting path of queue barriers, all alike.
There is a crud here.
action: You go to the east
response: You are in a twisting path of queue barriers, all alike.
There is a scroll here.
action: You take the scroll
response: You pick up the scroll.
action: You look at it
response: The scroll has the spuddo ("transmute fruit into tubers") spell inscribed on it.
action: You read the scroll
response: As you read the scroll, the spuddo spell burns itself into your mind. The scroll turns to dust.
action: Go north
response: You are in a twisting path of queue barriers, all alike.
There is a fuzz here.
action: You drop the bowl
response: You drop the bowl of fettucini.
action: Go north
response: As you enter the panel room, a man hands you a mango. Transubstantiation Panel Hall
The room is filled with people holding mangoes, gazing intently at the chalkboard at the front of the room, but the speaker seems to have left. Guess you arrived late.
action: You examine mango
response: It's yellowish orange, with a bruise on it, and a little squishy.
action: You look at board
response: The chalkboard reads: 'Exercise 1: Ireland is experiencing severe famine due to the potato blight. How can magic solve this problem?'
action: Spuddo mango
response: You cast spuddo at the mango, and it turns into a potato!

Suddenly, the door opens behind you and a grey-haired wizard bursts in. "Yes, you've got it!" he says. Addressing the rest of the room, he says, "You louts had better take a long look at yourselves. I've been gone for 45 minutes and none of you figured that out? Shameful! Get out of this convention--no, get out of Boston!"

He wiggles his fingers, and the other attendees vanish with an actinic flash of light. The wizard turns back to you. "Now, maybe you can help me with the other panel I'm running. These horrible sea bugs just aren't as lively as the guy at the store said they'd be."

He wiggles his fingers again and a new door appears in the wall; you follow him through.

A banner hanging from the ceiling reads: 'Battle of Bunker Hill'. A crowd of spectators is gathered around a small pit in the center of the room. In the pit are a dozen lethargic lobsters, barely moving.
action: You examine the lobsters
response: Some of them are dressed as redcoats, others as revolutionary soldiers. But none of them are moving very much.
action: Inventory
response: You are carrying:
potato
lamp (providing light)
You have learned the spells:
malyon (animate)
spuddo (transmute fruit into tubers)
action: Malyon lobsters
response: You cast malyon at the pit of lobsters, and suddenly they spring to life! They raise their pincers and scuttle towards each other...

After several minutes of fevered pincing, the revolutionary lobsters scurry away. The redcoat lobsters are victorious, but at great cost: most of them are lying stunned, pinced into unconsciousness. A Pyrrhic victory.

The wizard slaps you on the back. "Fantastic! I knew there was a spell that would help here, but I must have dropped the scroll when I got off my broom this morning. You've saved my panel! Take this as a token of my appreciation."

He pulls a diamond-encrusted wizard hat from his robe and hands it to you.
Best swag ever. You win!
 The game is over
action: Go east
response: A sign above the platform reads: 'Broom 692 to Tampa'. The lobby is back to the west.
A broom hovers on the platform, ready to be boarded.
action: You put the ticket in the slot
response: You slide the ticket into the broom's ticket slot, and the broom shakes in a welcoming fashion. You climb aboard, and the broom tilts back and rockets up through the stratosphere.

As you learned back in wizard academy, long-distance broom travel relies on the low gravity of outer space, and only became practical when the lesoch spell was invented to allow travelers to breathe on the journey. Luckily, you had the foresight to add the lesoch option to your ticket!

After a few short minutes, the broom falls back to earth, and you step off in the middle of the Tampa Feminist Witches' Retreat. Unfortunately, the convention is in Boston, and you spent your last wizbuck on that ticket!
 The game is over
action: Go west
response: The broken-down brooms scattered around the lobby suggest that this broom station hasn't been well maintained. A musty smell wafts in from the platforms, one to the east and one to the west.
action: You go to the west
response: A sign above the platform reads: 'Broom 431 to Boston'. The lobby is back to the east.
A broom hovers on the platform, ready to be boarded.
action: You examine the door
response: The door is locked, but there's a gap underneath.
action: Guncho
response: You feel the overwhelming urge to visit Guncho online at www.guncho.com or connect to game.guncho.com port 4108.
action: Malyon bowl
response: You cast malyon at the bowl of fettucini, and the noodles turn into snakes! The snakes slither under the door, and perhaps to thank you for granting them life, they unlock it for you. You climb downstairs to the lobby.
action: Gnusto
response: Many things are going on at this convention, but the one you're interested in right now is the Transubstantiation panel, through a maze of queue barriers to the north.
There is a fuzz, a crud, and a lamp here.

I don't know the word "gnusto".
action: You get the fuzz
response: You pick up the fuzz.
action: You go north
response: It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.
action: Go south
response: Many things are going on at this convention, but the one you're interested in right now is the Transubstantiation panel, through a maze of queue barriers to the north.
There is a lamp here.
action: You get the lamp
response: You pick up the lamp.
action: You eat the mango
response: Ugh! That was a mealy one. Bad season for mangoes.
Someone taps you on the shoulder and hands you another mango.
action: You eat mango
response: Ugh! That was a mealy one. Bad season for mangoes.
Someone throws you another mango from further down in the queue.
action: Spuddo mango
response: You cast spuddo at the mango, and it turns into a potato!

Suddenly, a grey-haired wizard appears from the queue. "Yes, you've got it!" he says, leading you back to the Transubstantiation Panel Hall. Addressing the rest of the room, he says, "You louts had better take a long look at yourselves. I've been gone for 45 minutes and none of you figured that out? Shameful! Get out of this convention--no, get out of Boston!"

He wiggles his fingers, and the other attendees vanish with an actinic flash of light. The wizard turns back to you. "Now, maybe you can help me with the other panel I'm running. These horrible sea bugs just aren't as lively as the guy at the store said they'd be."

He wiggles his fingers again and a new door appears in the wall; you follow him through.

A banner hanging from the ceiling reads: 'Battle of Bunker Hill'. A crowd of spectators is gathered around a small pit in the center of the room. In the pit are a dozen lethargic lobsters, barely moving.
action: Malyon bugs
response: You cast malyon at the pit of lobsters, and suddenly they spring to life! They raise their pincers and scuttle towards each other...

After several minutes of fevered pincing, the revolutionary lobsters scurry away. The redcoat lobsters are victorious, but at great cost: most of them are lying stunned, pinced into unconsciousness. A Pyrrhic victory.

The wizard slaps you on the back. "Fantastic! I knew there was a spell that would help here, but I must have dropped the scroll when I got off my broom this morning. You've saved my panel! Take this as a token of my appreciation."

He pulls a diamond-encrusted wizard hat from his robe and hands it to you.
Best swag ever. You win!
 The game is over
action: You eat the potato
response: Ugh! That was a mealy one. Bad season for potatoes, too.
action: Y.
response: Your bags are shipped ahead, you've got your ticket, and you're ready to head off to the 1846 Better Living Through Wizardry convention in Boston. Now you just have to get there...

The broken-down brooms scattered around the lobby suggest that this broom station hasn't been well maintained. A musty smell wafts in from the platforms, one to the east and one to the west.
action: You check your inventory
response: You are carrying:
ticket
You haven't learned any spells.
action: You eat the ticket
response: Come to think of it, you are pretty hungry. The ticket tastes like a Domino's pizza, but you manage to scarf it down. Of course, now you have no way to get to the convention.
 The game is over
action: You eat the broom
response: That's hardly edible.
action: You put the ticket in the slot
response: You slide the ticket into the broom's ticket slot, and the broom shakes in a welcoming fashion. You climb aboard, and the broom tilts back and rockets up through the stratosphere.

As you learned back in wizard academy, long-distance broom travel relies on the low gravity of outer space, and only became practical when the lesoch spell was invented to allow travelers to breathe on the journey. Luckily, you had the foresight to add the lesoch option to your ticket!

After a few short minutes, the broom falls back to earth, and you step off on the roof of the Boston Convention Center.

A cold, blustery wind blows past you. The stairs leading down to the lobby are behind a doorway.
There is a bowl of fettucini and a scroll here.
action: You read the scroll
response: As you read the scroll, the malyon spell burns itself into your mind. The scroll turns to dust.
action: You eat the fettucini
response: You slurp down the fettucini. Delicious! But you're still stuck on the roof, and eventually you starve to death. How ironic.
 The game is over