Brain of the Night Guest
by Caelyn Sandel (2011)

You play as Alex, a student into pharmaceuticals. You passed out during a tour of the Plutonian Commonwealth museum, and now a maintenance bot is telling you the museum's closed and it'll take you to police in the morning. The bot shuts itself off and you decide you need to find a way out of here.

action: %
response: After dreams of swedish fish fountains and 5-cent space otter rides, you find yourself unwillingly dragged back into consciousness. You open your eyes slowly to the sight of a completely bare ceiling. Your thoughts swim aimlessly in your head, trying to figure out what was happening before you passed out.

"Hi there!" a chipper voice says. You raise your head and see the flashing light-eyes of a maintenance bot. "Seems like you were unconscious in the bathroom! I moved you here."

Oh yeah. You had been on a field trip with your class to the Plutonian Commonwealth museum, learning about ancient technology and the history of the braintree and lots of educational stuff. As always, you find things way more educational when combined with the results of your pharmaceutical class, so you got totally fruitbat flapjacks on yesterday's lesson. You guess it must have been too much for you and you passed out.

"Sorry, but the museum's already closed and your tour group has gone. Since you're not supposed to be here, we'll have to have the security guy take you to the police in the morning. In the meantime, I'm off duty, so -" the light-eyes of the maintenance bot die out as it goes into sleep mode.

Dang. You've taken so many liberties in pharmaceutical class, you'd have a ton of paperwork to do if the police end up taking you out of here. You're going to have to find an exit on your own.

You are in a sparse, small room with no decoration whatsoever. It stinks of garbage, metal and oil. From here, you can go north into the main museum hall, west into a nasty little break room, and east down a smelly hallway.

A pile of fat black garbage bags take up most of the room.

Nearby, a maintenance bot squats, inactive and shut off.

You can also see a reminder note here.
action: You look at the bot
response: A squat robot on treads. Its cylindrical body contains all of the tools and appendages it probably uses to keep up the place, but they're all retracted right now. Its eye-lights are currently dark.
action: You look at the note
response: The note reads, "Please remember: to maintain optimum stamina, the braintree must be fed nightly. Deposit protein slurry directly into its planter. DO NOT GIVE JUNK FOOD to the braintree; it will be up all night."
action: You examine the self
response: You are Alex.
You are a kind of lazy student and you have a penchant for bringing your results from pharmaceutical class into other classes. And field trips.
action: You take the bag
response: They're fixed in place.
action: You look around
response: You are in a sparse, small room with no decoration whatsoever. It stinks of garbage, metal and oil. From here, you can go north into the main museum hall, west into a nasty little break room, and east down a smelly hallway.

A pile of fat black garbage bags take up most of the room.

Nearby, a maintenance bot squats, inactive and shut off.

You can also see a reminder note here.
action: You take the note
response: Taken.
action: Go west
response: This is a break room, you guess? It lacks a kitchenette of any kind, with no counters, no sinks and no cupboards. The large refrigerator in the corner looks lonely, its surface bare of adornment. With a complete lack of tables or chairs, it seems less and less credible that any people work here.
action: You look at the refrigerator
response: A large refrigerator, alone and unloved. Its surface is bare.
action: You open it
response: You open the refrigerator, revealing Jim's brain and some half-eaten chicken fingers.
action: You examine the brain
response: Someone has written "Jim" on this brain in black sharpie.
action: You look at the fingers
response: Some gross fried chicken fingers, covered in congealed grease. Who refrigerates fried food? And why did people think it was a good idea to start growing chickens with fingers?
action: You get all
response: Jim's brain: Taken.
half-eaten chicken fingers: Taken.
action: You close the fridge
response: You close the refrigerator.
action: You eat the brain
response: That's plainly inedible.
action: You go east
response: You are in a sparse, small room with no decoration whatsoever. It stinks of garbage, metal and oil. From here, you can go north into the main museum hall, west into a nasty little break room, and east down a smelly hallway.

A pile of fat black garbage bags take up most of the room.

Nearby, a maintenance bot squats, inactive and shut off.
action: You look at the panel
response: It's a control panel or something. You don't know how it works.
action: You open the door
response: You try the door, but it won't open. That's not safe! Whose bright idea was this?
action: Press panel
response: It is fixed in place.
action: Show panel to brain
response: You can only do that to something animate.
action: Kiss bot
response: Keep your mind on the game.
action: You switch on the bot
response: You press the On switch.

The maintenance bot turns on its eye-lights. "Please do not poke me," it says reproachfully, and then turns its eye-lights back off.
action: You touch the bot
response: Keep your hands to yourself!
action: You ask Bot,  to go west
response: The maintenance bot has better things to do.
action: Search bags
response: You check through the garbage bags briefly. It's a pretty gross experience.

In one of the bags, you find a discarded brain in a plastic bag. You pull the brain out for a better look and stuff the plastic bag back into the garbage.
action: Clean
response: (the garbage bags)
The maintenance bot has better things to do.
action: Inventory
response: You are carrying:
Kevin's brain (in your hand)
some half-eaten chicken fingers
Jim's brain (in your hand)
a reminder note
action: Go north
response: Plutonian Commonwealth Museum, Grand Hall
Of all of the halls, this is the grandest. It even has a sweeping staircase going up to a balcony type thing that overlooks where you're standing. This room was created exclusively to house the magnificent braintree, which is in the center of the room. The maintenance room where you woke up is to the south, and an unobtrusive door with an excessively obtrusive padlock on it is to the east.

There's a placard above the padlocked door to the east.

You can also see a planter (in which is a magnificent braintree), a brain tank (empty), a transfer chair, a transfer pedestal, a display note and a warning sign here.
action: You examine the placard
response: "Tomb of the Unknown Tool"
action: You look at the display note
response: "The brain of our foremost researcher, Kevin vonHooligan, has been removed for maintenance."
action: You examine the chair
response: It's a spartan but relatively comfortable chair. You sit in it to have your brain switched around. Sitting in it before you put a brain on the pedestal will leave you pretty out of it until somebody comes to help you.
action: You examine the pedestal
response: This pedestal is sort of vaguely greek-styled. You're supposed to sit a brain on it to have it switched out with whoever sits in the chair.
action: You look at the warning
response: "Warning! Although this is a museum display, it is an active and functioning braintree. Please do not sit in the chair until you are ready to have your brain removed."
action: You look at the tank
response: It's like a fish tank, only for brains.
action: You look at Kevin
response: This brain doesn't look so good. It's oozing gunk from a cut across the cerebrum, and it might have bounced off the floor a couple times. It has the name "Kevin" printed on it.
action: You examine Jim
response: Someone has written "Jim" on this brain in black sharpie.
action: You put Jim on the pedestal
response: You put Jim's brain on the transfer pedestal.
action: You sit in the chair
response: The braintree twitches towards you slightly, but then it droops with a frondy, lethargic sigh.
action: You put the jim's brain in the tank
response: (first taking Jim's brain)

You put Jim's brain into the brain tank.
action: You read the note
response: (the reminder note)
The note reads, "Please remember: to maintain optimum stamina, the braintree must be fed nightly. Deposit protein slurry directly into its planter. DO NOT GIVE JUNK FOOD to the braintree; it will be up all night."
action: You look around
response: Plutonian Commonwealth Museum, Grand Hall
Of all of the halls, this is the grandest. It even has a sweeping staircase going up to a balcony type thing that overlooks where you're standing. This room was created exclusively to house the magnificent braintree, which is in the center of the room. The maintenance room where you woke up is to the south, and an unobtrusive door with an excessively obtrusive padlock on it is to the east.

There's a placard above the padlocked door to the east.

You can also see a planter (in which is a magnificent braintree), a brain tank (in which is Jim's brain), a transfer chair, a transfer pedestal, a display note and a warning sign here.
action: You put the fingers in the planter
response: The braintree hunches over slightly, noticing that there is something in its planter. When it realizes that a perfectly good nugget of protein, fat and salt is within devouring range, it quickly pulls the chicken fingers under the soil. It makes a sort of "nom nom nom" sound as it eats, and within moments the braintree is looking much more magnificent.
action: Inventory
response: You are carrying:
Kevin's brain (in your hand)
a reminder note

The magnificent braintree suddenly croons, "We got the beat!" There is no response.
action: You get Jim
response: Taken.
action: You put the brain in the tank
response: Which do you mean, Jim's brain, Kevin's brain or the brain tank?
action: You put Jim in the tank
response: You put Jim's brain into the brain tank.
action: You sit on the chair
response: With a click and a woosh, the braintree vacuums up your brain and replaces it with Jim's brain. You feel very odd as you stand up.

You're now a maintenance guy. You tell the maintenance robots to do maintenance stuff. There are a lot of subroutines and routines and things so you don't really know much of what that is. You do know that if you hit the fire door's control panel real hard, it unlocks.
action: Examine tank
response: It's like a fish tank, only for brains.

In the brain tank is Alex's brain.
action: About yourself
response: You are Jim.
You're a maintenance guy. You tell the maintenance robots to do maintenance stuff. There are a lot of subroutines and routines and things so you don't really know much of what that is. You do know that if you hit the fire door's control panel real hard, it unlocks.
action: You go south
response: You are in a sparse, small room with no decoration whatsoever. It stinks of garbage, metal and oil. From here, you can go north into the main museum hall, west into a nasty little break room, and east down a smelly hallway.

A pile of fat black garbage bags take up most of the room.

Nearby, a maintenance bot squats, inactive and shut off.
action: You hit the panel
response: You smack the control panel in the right place with your fist and it hurts a lot! You're not used to being this scrawny - or this dizzy when your hand hurts. Stupid kid.
action: Inventory
response: You are carrying:
Jim's brain (implanted in your skull)
Kevin's brain (in your hand)
a reminder note
action: You go to the north
response: Plutonian Commonwealth Museum, Grand Hall
Of all of the halls, this is the grandest. It even has a sweeping staircase going up to a balcony type thing that overlooks where you're standing. This room was created exclusively to house the magnificent braintree, which is in the center of the room. The maintenance room is to the south, and an unobtrusive door with an excessively obtrusive padlock on it is to the east.

There's a placard above the padlocked door to the east.

You can also see a planter (in which is a magnificent braintree), a brain tank (in which is Alex's brain), a transfer chair, a transfer pedestal, a display note and a warning sign here.
action: You get Alex
response: Taken.
action: You put Kevin on the pedestal
response: You put Kevin's brain on the transfer pedestal.
action: You go upward
response: This balcony looks out over the magnificent braintree's gently-furred canopy. There's an exhibit shelf here labeled "The Hundred-Year-Old Typewriter". A sweeping staircase leads back down to the Great Hall.

You can see an exhibit shelf (on which are Marlene's brain and an antique typewriter) here.
action: Go downward
response: Plutonian Commonwealth Museum, Grand Hall
Of all of the halls, this is the grandest. It even has a sweeping staircase going up to a balcony type thing that overlooks where you're standing. This room was created exclusively to house the magnificent braintree, which is in the center of the room. The maintenance room is to the south, and an unobtrusive door with an excessively obtrusive padlock on it is to the east.

There's a placard above the padlocked door to the east.

You can also see a planter (in which is a magnificent braintree), a brain tank (empty), a transfer chair, a transfer pedestal (on which is Kevin's brain), a display note and a warning sign here.
action: You examine marlene
response: Someone has signed this brain "Marlene" in a sweeping, elegant script.
action: You examine Typewriter
response: That's an old typewriter - a hundred years old or so. You hear the first spec for the magnificent braintree was written on it, and you kind of approve. Sad thing, machines getting a hold of everything these days. One day they'll get your job, and then what happens to you?
action: You sit on the chair
response: With a click and a woosh, the braintree vacuums up your brain and replaces it with Kevin's brain. You feel very odd as you stand up.

You are now the research man! You know many a thing! You know special things about mysterious mysteries! You should examine such things for cryptic clues!

With a sploosh, the braintree deposits your prior brain into the brain tank.
action: You get the brain
response: (Jim's brain)
Taken.
action: You look at your surroundings
response: The magnificent braintree is one of modern society's most modernly magnificent marvels. Its ropy trunk, its furry leaves, its twin vacuum-mouth-things, all scream "Civilization!" (like, literally, sometimes they just scream random words).

Without the Braintree, the basic human right of taking your brain out and replacing it with a different brain would take hours! The way it works is that you put a brain on that pedestal over there and then you sit in the chair on the other side. In that order. Doing it in that order is very important. This one is just on display, but it probably works.

The magnificent braintree suddenly screams, "Maintenance!" There is no response.

Plutonian Commonwealth Museum, Grand Hall
Of all of the halls, this is the grandest. It even has a sweeping staircase going up to a balcony type thing that overlooks where you're standing. This room was created exclusively to house the magnificent braintree, which is in the center of the room. The maintenance room is to the south, and an unobtrusive door with an excessively obtrusive padlock on it is to the east.

There's a placard above the padlocked door to the east.

You can also see a planter (in which is a magnificent braintree), a brain tank (empty), a transfer chair, a transfer pedestal, a display note and a warning sign here.
action: You look at the padlock
response: You remember going in there with the wonderful hundred-year-old key. You were keeping something in there... something important. But it's all gone now.
action: Go upwards
response: This balcony looks out over the magnificent braintree's gently-furred canopy. There's an exhibit shelf here labeled "The Hundred-Year-Old Typewriter". A sweeping staircase leads back down to the Great Hall.

You can see an exhibit shelf (on which is an antique typewriter) here.
action: You examine Typewriter
response: Beautiful Marlene kept that beautiful machine. Beautiful Marlene, what happened to her? Beautiful Marlene and the nitroglycerine, and you won't be seeing her again, least not her face, for sure.

But it looks so familiar... so familiar... so familiar....
action: Go down
response: Plutonian Commonwealth Museum, Grand Hall
Of all of the halls, this is the grandest. It even has a sweeping staircase going up to a balcony type thing that overlooks where you're standing. This room was created exclusively to house the magnificent braintree, which is in the center of the room. The maintenance room is to the south, and an unobtrusive door with an excessively obtrusive padlock on it is to the east.

There's a placard above the padlocked door to the east.

You can also see a planter (in which is a magnificent braintree), a brain tank (empty), a transfer chair, a transfer pedestal, a display note and a warning sign here.
action: You examine Braintree
response: The magnificent braintree is one of modern society's most modernly magnificent marvels. Its ropy trunk, its furry leaves, its twin vacuum-mouth-things, all scream "Civilization!" (like, literally, sometimes they just scream random words).

Without the Braintree, the basic human right of taking your brain out and replacing it with a different brain would take hours! The way it works is that you put a brain on that pedestal over there and then you sit in the chair on the other side. In that order. Doing it in that order is very important. This one is just on display, but it probably works.
action: You go south
response: You are in a sparse, small room with no decoration whatsoever. It stinks of garbage, metal and oil. From here, you can go north into the main museum hall, west into a nasty little break room, and east down a smelly hallway.

A pile of fat black garbage bags take up most of the room.

Nearby, a maintenance bot squats, inactive and shut off.
action: You examine yourself
response: You are Kevin.
You are research man! You know many a thing! You know special things about mysterious mysteries! You should examine such things for cryptic clues!
action: You examine door
response: The Tomb of the Unknown Tool! You know the answer! You know the answer! It's not an unknown tool to you! It's a glorious, marvelous marvel that makes the world a better place! But it would take a very special key to get in there... a hundred-year-old key! You knew about the secret hundred-year-old key! But where would you get such a key now? It's all a very sad mystery, in your lumpy beaten consciousness....
action: Inventory
response: You are carrying:
Jim's brain (in your hand)
Kevin's brain (implanted in your skull)
Marlene's brain (in your hand)
Alex's brain (in your hand)
a reminder note
action: You examine Marlene'S
response: Someone has signed this brain "Marlene" in a sweeping, elegant script.
action: You examine the canopy
response: From here, you can only see the top of the magnificent braintree.
action: You examine the shelf
response: On the exhibit shelf is an antique typewriter.
action: You examine Typewriter
response: Beautiful Marlene kept that beautiful machine. Beautiful Marlene, what happened to her? Beautiful Marlene and the nitroglycerine, and you won't be seeing her again, least not her face, for sure.
action: You get it
response: No. It looks really heavy.
action: Go downward
response: Plutonian Commonwealth Museum, Grand Hall
Of all of the halls, this is the grandest. It even has a sweeping staircase going up to a balcony type thing that overlooks where you're standing. This room was created exclusively to house the magnificent braintree, which is in the center of the room. The maintenance room is to the south, and an unobtrusive door with an excessively obtrusive padlock on it is to the east.

There's a placard above the padlocked door to the east.

You can also see a planter (in which is a magnificent braintree), a brain tank (empty), a transfer chair, a transfer pedestal, a display note and a warning sign here.

The magnificent braintree suddenly croons, "Xyzzy!" There is no response.
action: You put Marlene on the pedestal
response: You put Marlene's brain on the transfer pedestal.
action: You sit on the chair
response: With a click and a woosh, the braintree vacuums up your brain and replaces it with Marlene's brain. You feel very odd as you stand up.

You have become an archivist. You know about really old things, like typewriters. For instance, you know that the hundred year-old typewriter has a loose key that you pretty much sort of jimmied back in at some point a while ago, and you know how to take it back out. Come to think of it, you don't know much else.
action: Go upwards
response: This balcony looks out over the magnificent braintree's gently-furred canopy. There's an exhibit shelf here labeled "The Hundred-Year-Old Typewriter". A sweeping staircase leads back down to the Great Hall.

You can see an exhibit shelf (on which is an antique typewriter) here.
action: You examine Typewriter
response: That's your beauty - your absolute favorite in the whole museum. Some folks love the braintree, but you love what made it. Something solid and real, like this - something with moving parts that you can take apart and put back together. Like the "I" key, which pops out all the time if you just thump it a little.
action: You thump it
response: You give the antique typewriter a neat little thump on the side, and the "I" key bounces up and into your waiting hand. Classic.
action: You look at the key
response: It's the "I" key.
action: Go down
response: Plutonian Commonwealth Museum, Grand Hall
Of all of the halls, this is the grandest. It even has a sweeping staircase going up to a balcony type thing that overlooks where you're standing. This room was created exclusively to house the magnificent braintree, which is in the center of the room. The maintenance room is to the south, and an unobtrusive door with an excessively obtrusive padlock on it is to the east.

There's a placard above the padlocked door to the east.

You can also see a planter (in which is a magnificent braintree), a brain tank (in which is Kevin's brain), a transfer chair, a transfer pedestal, a display note and a warning sign here.
action: Unlock padlock
response: What do you want to unlock the padlock with?
action: Go east
response: This is the Tomb of the Unk -- the Tomb of the Known Tool. (Though it's much less spiffy that way.)  You can leave to the west.

You can see a hammer here.
action: You examine the hammer
response: It's a hammer. You know this.
action: You put Alex on the pedestal
response: You put Alex's brain on the transfer pedestal.
action: You sit on the chair
response: With a click and a woosh, the braintree vacuums up your brain and replaces it with Alex's brain. You feel very odd as you stand up.

You are back to being a kind of lazy student with a penchant for bringing your results from pharmaceutical class into other classes. And field trips.
action: You check what you're carrying
response: You are carrying:
Alex's brain (implanted in your skull)
a hammer
a hundred-year-old typewriter key
Jim's brain (in your hand)
a reminder note
action: You put Jim on the pedestal
response: You put Jim's brain on the transfer pedestal.
action: You hit the panel
response: You wind up and smack the control panel with the hammer. The hammer bounces off, rather to your surprise. You try a couple more times, but you get the feeling real fast that you're not very good at this.
action: Go north
response: Plutonian Commonwealth Museum, Grand Hall
Of all of the halls, this is the grandest. It even has a sweeping staircase going up to a balcony type thing that overlooks where you're standing. This room was created exclusively to house the magnificent braintree, which is in the center of the room. The maintenance room where you woke up is to the south, and an unobtrusive door with an excessively obtrusive padlock on it is to the east.

There's a placard above the padlocked door to the east.

You can also see a planter (in which is a magnificent braintree), a brain tank (in which are Marlene's brain and Kevin's brain), a transfer chair, a transfer pedestal (on which is Jim's brain), a display note and a warning sign here.
action: You sit
response: (on Alex's brain)
That's not something you can sit down on.

The magnificent braintree suddenly screams, "Moose-squirrels!" There is no response.
action: You sit on the chair
response: With a click and a woosh, the braintree vacuums up your brain and replaces it with Jim's brain. You feel very odd as you stand up.

You're now a maintenance guy. You tell the maintenance robots to do maintenance stuff. There are a lot of subroutines and routines and things so you don't really know much of what that is. You do know that if you hit the fire door's control panel real hard, it unlocks.
action: You hit panel
response: Drawing on long experience, you whack the control panel precisely with the hammer. There's a muted WHAM!, like a muffled explosion, and a gorgeous shower of sparks. You might worry about it if you hadn't seen it happen some twenty-odd times before (though the last time, you had to hit it with a giant chunk of topaz from over in Rocks and Minerals, and wasn't that a caution....)

Oh, and the door's unlocked now.
action: You sit on chair
response: With a click and a woosh, the braintree vacuums up your brain and replaces it with Alex's brain. You feel very odd as you stand up.

You are back to being a kind of lazy student with a penchant for bringing your results from pharmaceutical class into other classes. And field trips.

The magnificent braintree suddenly warbles, "Brains!" There is no response.
action: Go east
response: You walk out into the warm Plutonian night. You feel exhausted; having to solve your own problems and take responsibility for your mistakes is really hard. You make a mental note to avoid doing so for the forseeable future.

You do feel like you owe yourself a bit of self-congratulation for the work you did today, though. Usually the degree of truancy, vandalism, and lack of respect for history that you've shown takes several students working in tandem. Seems like there are some ways in which you really can be an overachiever.

Now all you have to do is figure out a way to get home...