The Example of the Chicken Sexer
by Simon Christiansen (2013)
Genres: Slice of life

"With his thumb and forefinger, the sexer flips the bird over and parts a small flap on its hindquarters to expose the cloaca, a tiny vent where both the genitals and anus are situated, and peers deep inside." Joshua Foer - "Moonwalking with Einstein"

action: %
response: "Chicken sexing is a delicate art, requiring Zen-like concentration and a brain surgeon's dexterity. The bird is cradled in the left hand and given a gentle squeeze that causes it to evacuate its intestines... With his thumb and forefinger, the sexer flips the bird over and parts a small flap on its hindquarters to expose the cloaca, a tiny vent where both the genitals and anus are situated, and peers deep inside."

Joshua Foer - "Moonwalking with Einstein"

Another day, another farmer in need of assistance. If it weren't for people like you, the entire American agricultural sector would've gone bankrupt years ago.

You adjust your tie as you step out of the helicopter. Time to get to work.

Type ABOUT or HELP for some basic information about the game, as
well as a hint menu.

Piles of hay everywhere. A soft layer of sawdust covers the floor, and makes moving around feel like walking through coarse sand. The sun shines through the slits between the planks, causing crisscrossing rays of light to illuminate the dusty air.

In the middle of the room is a large wooden table, on which a baby chick is currently trying to hide between its own tiny wings.

The farmer stands by the gate to the south, waiting for you to do your job.

Your job is to sex the chicken.
action: Sex the farmer
response: He is either male, or a very convincing transvestite. Your training only covered chickens.
action: Sex chick
response: "Hold it right there, buddy," says the farmer. "I ain't lettin' you touch my chickens, until you've shown me you're qualified."
action: You look at the chick
response: A chicken of indeterminate gender.
action: You sex yourself
response: Your powers only work on chickens.

You're feeling jittery.
action: About yourself
response: You're male.
action: You check your inventory
response: You are carrying:
a certificate from the Zen-Nippon school of chick sexing
action: You read the certificate
response: As one of the first Americans to be certified in the Japanese art of chick sexing, you proudly carry this certificate.
action: You show the certificate to the farmer
response: The farmer reads the certificate and snorts. "Zen-Nippon school, eh? Well ain't that just swell. Okay, buddy, show me what you've got."
action: Sex chick
response: The chicken is too nervous. You need to make it calm down before you can do an accurate sexing.
action: Pet chick
response: "There, there," you say, in the soothing voice you have spent years perfecting. "It'll be over in a second."

The chicken peeks out from beneath its wings. After a while, it seems to decide that you aren't so dangerous after all, and emerges completely. It looks up at you with big innocent eyes.
action: You hug chick
response: Keep your mind on the game.
action: You squeeze chick
response: Keep your hands to yourself.
action: Sex chick
response: You carefully pick up the chicken with your expertly trimmed fingernails, and inspect its cloaca. In simple cases, the cloaca contains a small bead, the shape of which determines the gender. This is not one of those cases. To almost everyone in the world this would be just another chicken cloaca. To you, it's clearly male.

Now that you know his gender, he somehow seems more like an individual. You almost feel like you should name the chicken something.
action: Name chick male
response: You decide to think of the chicken as "Male".
action: Next chick
response: Most connecting and comparative words are not necessary.

Retrying as:
>CHICK

Type UNDO if this isn't what you wanted to do, or CORRECT OFF to stop automatically correcting commands.

To stop these messages entirely, type NOVICE OFF.

A male chicken.
action: Chick
response: A male chicken.
action: You give Male to the farmer
response: (first taking Male)
The farmer is watching you carefully. There is no way you can take Male without being noticed.
action: You tell the farmer about Male
response: [Use TALK TO to interact with characters.]
action: You talk to the farmer
response: "That didn't take long," says the farmer, and eyes you suspiciously. "Which is it then: Male or female?"

regardless? If it turns out to be male, I'm sure it'll be of use elsewhere...
action: 1
response: The farmer smiles, revealing rows of yellow teeth. "I guess ya won't be givin' me any eggs, will ya?" He picks up Male from the table, and turns towards you. "Let's get to work. Plenty more where that came from."

With that, he throws the gate wide open, and leaves the barn. You try not to think about Male. It's just a chicken, after all. Plenty more where that came from.
action: 2
response: The farmer looks disappointed. "Really? I coulda sworn it had the swagger of a cockerel. Well, I guess ya'll be givin' me plenty of eggs, little chicken." He picks up Male from the table, and turns towards you. "Let's get to work. Plenty more where that came from."

With that, he throws the gate wide open, and leaves the barn.

You think about Male, and smile. It'll be several weeks at least before the secondary sex characteristics start becoming apparent, even to the untrained eye of the farmer. Several weeks of life for little Male. Not much, but better than nothing.
action: 3
response: "Hahahaha." The farmer laughs and drops of spittle land on your face. "You sure are a funny guy, buddy. Now, which is it: Male or female?"
action: You go north
response: Credits
Hints
action: Go north
response: > Credits
Hints
Writing and coding by Simon Christiansen.

Testing done by Pippin Barr, Douglas Wilson and Marius MÃ¼ller.

Feedback can be sent to SimonChris1729@gmail.com.

Instructions for Play
> Credits
Hints
action: You wait
response: Time passes.
action: You keep going
response: Time passes.

You're feeling jittery.
action: You wait four days
response: I only understood the first part of that-- trying anyway.

Retrying as:
>WAIT

Type UNDO if this isn't what you wanted to do, or CORRECT OFF to stop automatically correcting commands.

To stop these messages entirely, type NOVICE OFF.

Time passes.
action: Go north
response: Credits
Hints
> About Interactive Fiction
What to do with >
Getting Started
Rooms and Travel
Objects
Controlling the Game
How the World is Assembled
If You Get Stuck
action: Go north
response: The farmer won't let me sex the chicken.
> How do I get the chicken to calm down?
How do I save the chicken?
action: You go north
response: The farmer won't let me sex the chicken.
How do I get the chicken to calm down?
> How do I save the chicken?

1/7: The farmer doesn't want male chickens.

Press SPACE to return to the menu or H to reveal another hint.

The farmer won't let me sex the chicken.
How do I get the chicken to calm down?
> How do I save the chicken?

1/7: The farmer doesn't want male chickens.

Press SPACE to return to the menu or H to reveal another hint.

The farmer won't let me sex the chicken.
How do I get the chicken to calm down?
> How do I save the chicken?

1/7: The farmer doesn't want male chickens.

Press SPACE to return to the menu or H to reveal another hint.
action: Name chick herbert
response: You decide to think of the chicken as "Herbert".
action: You kill the farmer
response: You consider trying to take down the farmer for Herbert's sake, but decide against it. He looks much stronger than you.

You look at Herbert, and imagine that you see a flash of anger in his eyes. Your mind must be playing tricks on you.
action: Sic em
response: [Use TALK TO to interact with characters.]
action: You talk to Herbert
response: You already made him calm down. Having an actual conversation is a bit beyond your skills.
action: You take Herbert
response: The farmer is watching you carefully. There is no way you can take Herbert without being noticed.
action: Pet herbert
response: You gently caress the feathers of Herbert. He doesn't seem to mind.
action: Name farmer adolf
response: You only name chickens.
action: You take the sawdust
response: It's just sawdust.
action: You examine the planks
response: The barn is composed of old-fashioned wooden planks.
action: You examine the gate
response: A large pair of wooden doors block the exit from the barn.
action: You throw sawdust at the farmer
response: (first taking the sawdust)
It's just sawdust.
action: You look at the table
response: A sturdy wooden table.

On the table is Herbert.
action: You hit farmer
response: "Herbert," you say with a confident voice. You raise your finger and point at the farmer: "Attack!".

Herbert slowly stands up, looking like he might fall over at any moment. Then, almost faster than the eye can follow, he launches himself off the table, gliding through the air like a flying squirrel, towards the farmer. He lands on the farmers face and pecks at the eyes, furiously.

The farmer drops to his knees and screams. "Aaargghhh! Not my vitreous humor! Get off me!" He rips Herbert off his face and throws him at you. "You're insane, both of you! Take that damn chicken and get off my farm!

You catch Herbert in your outstretched hand. "You're the boss," you say to the farmer, and shrug. The sunlight caresses your face, as you step outside. It's going to be a wonderful day.

You are never hired as a chicken sexer again, but that's okay. You have Herbert, and all the other chickens you manage to rescue during the next years. The neighbors start avoiding your house. They tell stories about the crazy chicken person, who lives in a house full of chickens, and talks to them all day long. It's fine. Who cares what they think?