Kids, don't eat your Halloween candy without having your parents inspect it first because there are SICKOS out there who will put RAZOR BLADES in it and you will CUT YOUR MOUTH and GET A POISONED INFECTION and DIE, all from eating your candy early. So don't do that.
by Dan Shiovitz (1998)
Genres: Humor
Surreal


action: %
response: That wacky Neil deMause! What will he think of next? Why, the last time you tried to visit him, you got stuck on Ellis Island for hours, and ended up years in the past talking to a goat. Boy, you were really "Lost in New York" that time (heh heh). And history seems to have repeated itself, because here it is Halloween, and here you are, wandering through the streets in the fog, looking for his apartment again. Sheesh.

It's a good thing it's too foggy to make out any details, because
I've spent all of three hours in New York, and they were all at the airport waiting to switch flights. Still, you can make out a street going north (how did you get into this dead end, anyway?)
A jack-o-lantern sits in the middle of the street to the north.
action: You get the jack-o-lantern
response: You take a step or two towards the pumpkin. A sudden gust of wind makes the fog swirl, obscuring it for a moment despite the candle's glow, and then it's gone. Huh. Weeeyurd.
action: Inventory
response: You are empty-handed.
action: Look around
response: It's a good thing it's too foggy to make out any details, because
I've spent all of three hours in New York, and they were all at the airport waiting to switch flights. Still, you can make out a street going north (how did you get into this dead end, anyway?)
action: You go to the north
response: You walk forward into the fog.
Someplace Else in New York
You're still lost, but at least you know you aren't where you were before. So you must be, erm, someplace else. The street bends, so you can go either east or south.
action: You go east
response: You pause for a moment as you start to walk again. Did you .. hear something? Nah. Couldn't be.
A Third Place in New York
Steadily narrowing down the options, you plan on having the whole
of New York mapped any time now. *Including* the secret passage from the Kitchen to the Library. Streets lead west and north.
action: You go north
response: Again, you pause. There's definitely something out there. Something nasty. Something big. Something orange.
A Fourth Room in New York
Someplace else. Someplace foggy. Someplace sinister.
action: Inventory
response: You are empty-handed.

"Ha!" you reassure yourself "There's nothing out there! And if there were, it would never leap onto my back suddenly and clasp its slimy hands around my throat and slowly squeeze until all my life was crushed out. It'd just rip my chest open and feast on my entrails."
action: You examine something
response: I don't see any pumpkin here.

I don't know the word "something".
action: Go east
response: This seems to be the end of the line. Your last stand. The final battle. No wait out but dead man's boots.

(Dramatic pause).
action: You wait
response: Time passes...

EEEAGH! FLYING DEMONIC PUMPKIN HEAD!!!

When the horror finally ends, you're someplace else.
Someplace else in New York
Another time .. another place. Or is it? One moment seems to
blend into another, one stretch of pavement becomes the same as any other. It's tough being a hard-boiled detective, tossed off the police force because you knew too much about the kickbacks being paid to the guys up top. Yeah, it's tough, on your own, in-debt and half-drunk to forget the pain of a broken heart. So it's a good thing you're not one. You're just J Random Protagonist, remember? Now go find neild's house. I think it's north of here.
action: About you
response: You look about the same as always.
action: Go north
response: No, wait, I guess it's west of here. (Take *that*, fourth wall!)
action: You go west
response: You walk west, and find yourself on the doorstep of Neil's house.
Your quest is over! ... or is it??
Outside Neil deMause's House
For ease of narration, his apartment got turned into a house
sometime. Or maybe you went inside and are standing outside the door to his room. Whatever.
You see a door here.
action: You knock
response: (the door)
You knock three times:
bang!
bang!
bang!
The door sloooowly creeeeeeaks opeeeeeen....
action: You look around
response: It's yor frend!

neild invites you inside and gives you cookies.

Inside Neil deMause's House/Apartment
Depending on which path you took to get here, this is either Neil deMause's House or his Apartment.
Neil deMause is here. Yaaay!
I beg your pardon?
action: You look at what you're carrying with you
response: You have a cookies.
action: You ask Neil about the pumpkin
response: "I don't know much about that. So let me tell you about baseball instead." (hehehehehe see, he likes baseball hehehehe)There is a sudden knocking at the door.
"Oh no!" says neild, "It's the pumpkinhead! Lets hide!" Neil hides in the kitchen. You hide in the closet.

This is the closet. It has stuff in it. There is a wall. And another wall. Also there is a coatrack.
action: You eat the cookies
response: The cookies slide down your throat and you quickly are full. Also, "wooden wood". Ha!
action: You look at the coatrack
response: it's made out of wood. and varnished. and nailed to the wall. and there, right smack in the center of it, is a HOOK
action: You pull the coatrack
response: I don't see any neil here.

Pulling the coatrack doesn't have any effect.
action: Inventory
response: You are empty-handed.
action: You wait
response: Time passes...
action: Look around
response: This is the closet. It has stuff in it. There is a wall. And another wall. Also there is a coatrack.