The Right Tool
by Christopher Huang (2011)

You play as a gravedigger. You and your fellow gravediggers have buried the ancient tool, but unfortunately, the tomb's tablet is blank and after all the construction delays, everyone's forgotten what the ancient tool actually was. So, uh, how are you going to find out what tool it was?

action: %
response: The Tool has been buried. The monument has been erected. It's taken a whole lot of legal back-and-forth (for some inexplicable reason, the City couldn't seem to understand why the People would want to honour an ancient tool) but here you are, the day before the great Unveiling of the Tomb of the ...

Uh.

Thing is, it's taken so long to get approval and to work out the contracts and so on and so forth, that nobody can remember what the ancient tool actually was.

Could it have been a wrench?

You are standing on the top of the hill of the Festeron graveyard, beside the newly-made marble tomb. The gates are back to the south.

The branches of a massive, dead tree stretch overhead.

You can also see Kevin and Jim here.
action: About yourself
response: As good-looking as ever.
action: You examine Tomb
response: It's large and grandiose and made of pristine white marble, easily visible from all corners of the graveyard. A marble tablet is prominently displayed on the side of the tomb.
action: You look at Jim
response: Jim is one of the gravediggers attached to the Festeron graveyard. He's a large, bald fellow with a felt cap, a giant moustache, glasses and, apparently, a highly eclectic personal work history.
action: You ask Kevin about Tool
response: "I bet it's a mead-dispenser. You know, you plug it into the side of a beehive and turn it and it gives you mead."
action: You describe your surroundings
response: You are standing on the top of the hill of the Festeron graveyard, beside the newly-made marble tomb. The gates are back to the south.

The branches of a massive, dead tree stretch overhead.

You can also see Kevin and Jim here.
action: You go to the south
response: The gates of the graveyard are appropriately spooky and twisted. It takes a lot of care and money to keep them that way. A rocky path winds back up the hill to the north.

You can see Morty here.
action: You examine morty
response: Morty, the Head Undertaker. Or something. You've met him at various graveyards and hospitals, but it's never entirely clear what he does. He's a tall, pale man dressed all in black.
action: Go north
response: The branches of a massive, dead tree stretch overhead.

You can also see Kevin and Jim here.
action: You ask Kevin about the tree
response: "Jim's been telling me about it. Did you know that it only eats meat? Is that creepy or what?
action: You ask Kevin about Morty
response: "I don't know who he is, but he creeps me out. Maybe you should ask Jim."
action: You ask Jim about Morty
response: "Oh, him. That's really Pluto, lord of the Underworld. Not a myth. Show him this, and you'll see." Jim pulls a pomegranate out of a pocket and tosses it to you.
action: You ask Jim about the tree
response: Jim nods to the tree stretching overhead. "Yeah, that's a braintree. They plant them in graveyards for the zombie uprisings. They're supposedly carnivorous, and give you knowledge in exchange for food. But that's just a myth."
action: You look at the pomegranate
response: It's a red "apple grenade" (well, that's what a pomegranate is in French) from Sargent Farms.
action: You go south
response: You can see Morty here.
action: You show the pomegranate to Morty
response: Morty's face undergoes a dramatic change when he sees the pomegranate. "Ah," he says, in a voice like arsenic-laced chocolate, "I see you've been speaking to Jim." Pluto/Morty scowls impressively and disappears in a cloud of sulphur. A moment later, you hear the ominous clucking of a zombie chicken pecking around where Morty/Pluto used to be.
action: You examine the chicken
response: It's a zombie chicken! Hide your grains!
action: You take it
response: You already have that.
action: You check your inventory
response: You are carrying:
a pomegranate
action: You throw the pomegranate at the chicken
response: You lack the nerve when it comes to the crucial moment.
action: Go north
response: The branches of a massive, dead tree stretch overhead.

You can also see Kevin and Jim here.
action: You ask Jim about the chicken
response: "That's a myth, that is."
action: You ask Jim about the zombie
response: "I think a careful application of sunflowers and other plants would be quite effective at keeping them away."
action: You ask Kevin about the chicken
response: "Just blow "em up with some C4, man!"
action: You ask Kevin about c4
response: "C4 makes everything better."
action: You eat the pomegranate
response: Picking those ruby-red seeds out of the pomegranate husk would take forever, and mess up your clothes something awful. No.
action: Go south
response: A zombie chicken pecks about mindlessly, questing for graiiins.
action: You show the pomegranate to chicken
response: Bok. Bok. Bok. Graiiins.
action: Wave pomegranate
response: You look ridiculous waving the pomegranate.
action: Go north
response: The branches of a massive, dead tree stretch overhead.

You can also see Kevin and Jim here.
action: You throw the pomegranate
response: Dropped.
action: You describe your surroundings
response: The gates of the graveyard are appropriately spooky and twisted. It takes a lot of care and money to keep them that way. A rocky path winds back up the hill to the north.

A zombie chicken pecks about mindlessly, questing for graiiins.

You can also see a pomegranate here.
action: You take the pomegranate
response: Taken.
action: Go south
response: It's a red "apple grenade" (well, that's what a pomegranate is in French) from Sargent Farms.

You can't go that way.
action: You eat the pomegranate
response: Picking those ruby-red seeds out of the pomegranate husk would take forever, and mess up your clothes something awful. No.
action: You drop all
response: (the pomegranate)
Dropped.
action: You wait a while
response: Time passes.
action: You ask Kevin about Tomb
response: "Your guess is as good as mine, man."
action: You ask Jim about Kevin
response: "I've worked with better," Jim mumbles.
action: S then get pomegranate then N
response: The gates of the graveyard are appropriately spooky and twisted. It takes a lot of care and money to keep them that way. A rocky path winds back up the hill to the north.
action: You ask Kevin about Jim
response: A zombie chicken pecks about mindlessly, questing for graiiins.

You can also see a pomegranate here.

Taken.

You are standing on the top of the hill of the Festeron graveyard, beside the newly-made marble tomb. The gates are back to the south.

The branches of a massive, dead tree stretch overhead.

You can also see Kevin and Jim here.

"Man, that guy knows everything!"
action: You ask Jim about the chicken
response: "That's a myth, that is."
action: You check your inventory
response: You are carrying:
a pomegranate
action: You ask Jim about Tomb
response: "You know, this would all be easier if we could just get that tomb out of the way and dig the tool up."

Kevin, listening in, suddenly snaps his fingers. "That's it! We'll just get rid of the tomb! We can blow it up with this huge pile of C4 that I just happen to be carrying around with me!" And sure enough, a moment later, the pair of them are packing explosives into and onto and around the tomb (Which, I might remind you, took a hundred years just to get approved) in order to blow it into oblivion.

This seems like a rather bad idea, now you think about it.
action: You go south
response: The gates of the graveyard are appropriately spooky and twisted. It takes a lot of care and money to keep them that way. A rocky path winds back up the hill to the north.

A zombie chicken pecks about mindlessly, questing for graiiins.
action: You give c4 to the chicken
response: You toss the bit of C4 over to the zombie chicken, which begins pecking away at it with the mindless determination of zombified poultry. "Bok. Bok. Bok -"

BOOM.

A minute later, a few C4-toasted chicken fingers clatter down onto the ground before you.
action: You take the fingers
response: Taken.
action: You go to the north
response: You are standing on the top of the hill of the Festeron graveyard, beside the newly-made marble tomb. The gates are back to the south.

A truly massive collection of explosives is piled up here, bits of it being artfully arranged on and around the tomb.

The branches of a massive, dead tree stretch overhead.

You can also see Kevin and Jim here.
action: You give the fingers to the tree
response: Not quite knowing how this works, you lay the chicken fingers on the ground at the roots of the tree. A moment later, roots snake out of the ground and drag the chicken fingers (the horror! the horror!) under the ground. The branches overhead wave spookily and lean in towards you.

"A typewriter. The unknown tool is a typewriter."

You run back around the tomb to where Jim and Kevin are just about to push the button on the detonator. "A typewriter!" you shout, "the unknown tool is a 100-year-old typewriter!"

And that's that. Kevin's a bit disappointed at not having been able to make something go BOOM, but the tomb is saved, and the unknown tool is now known. Tomorrow, the Monument to the 100-year-old Typewriter will be unveiled, and all will be well.