Nine-tenths of the Law
by Jack Welch (2008)
Genres: Fantasy

You're an anemone-like polyp with waving fronds. He's a chained-up zombie. That shy rabbit... just ran away. Your sessile existence leaves much to be desired. You can't walk. You can't talk. But you must be able to do something...

action: %
response: Nine-Tenths of the Law



Please press [Space] to begin
Nine-tenths of the Law
Copyright (c) 2008 Jack Welch

Type HELP for info on licencing and credits, or if you get stuck.

A craggy, windswept patch of dirt atop the smallest in a vast range of mountains. A barely visible path leads down the mountain.

You can see a cheap wooden door, a shambling zombie and a shy little bunny rabbit here.
action: You look at rabbit
response: You bend your stalk and wave your eye buds towards the shy little bunny rabbit. You sense: A cute, fuzzy white rabbit.

The little rabbit ambles downwards.
action: Smell
response: You open a ring of pores on your upper stalk, revealing mucous-lined olfactory cavities in your trunk. You smell nothing unexpected.
action: You look at the zombie
response: You bend your stalk and wave your eye buds towards the shambling zombie. You sense: A dispossessed decaying corpse with vacant, unblinking eyes and slobbering lips, which is chained to the top of the hill by some sort of shiny black chain; any fool could tell that the shambling zombie is undead. In terms of fashion, the shambling zombie is wearing some decaying farm garments.
action: Taste zombie
response: You open a ring of pores on your upper stalk, revealing mucous-lined olfactory cavities in your trunk. The shambling zombie tastes of stale camphor.
action: Possess zombie
response: You possess the shambling zombie.

As you slide into the mind of your new host, you brush against neural resonances of the shambling zombie's former life. The decohering images are not clear and they are already fading: Haughty figures in purple robes...tied to the table...must get back to the farm...a greater purpose...to serve whom?...no escape...drinking the liquid...tastes awful...no problems now... must obey...obey the priests...climb the hill and wait...wait....
action: About yourself
response: You are a possessed decaying corpse with vacant, unblinking eyes and dripping jaw. At the moment, you are chained to the top of the hill by some sort of shiny black chain; one might hazard a guess that you are undead. In terms of fashion, you are wearing some decaying farm garments.
action: You examine the chain
response: The chain runs from some shackles to the ground where it melds into the very stone of the mountain itself. Although apparently made of black, volcanic glass, the chain seems supernaturally strong and not brittle in the least.
action: You look around
response: A craggy, windswept patch of dirt atop the smallest in a vast range of mountains. A barely visible path leads down the mountain.

You can see a fleshy white polyp and a cheap wooden door here.
action: You examine the mountains
response: White-capped mountains fade into the distance in all directions. Beautiful, if bleak.
action: You open the door
response: It seems jammed shut.
action: You hit door
response: Your attack caused some damage. The cheap wooden door looks lightly damaged.
action: You hit the door
response: Your attack weakened it. The cheap wooden door looks moderately damaged.
action: You hit the door
response: Your attack was brilliant! The cheap wooden door looks severely damaged.
action: Possess door
response: The attempt fails; you cannot sense the neuropsychic matrix of the cheap wooden door.
action: You hit the door
response: Wham! You obliterate it! ...perhaps you can go north now.
action: You look at the polyp
response: An anemone-like polyp, with a thick central stalk topped with waving fronds.
action: You eat the polyp
response: You stretch your ample zombie jaws around the succulent polyp and experience the odd sensation of chewing through yourself. It is not pleasant.
action: You eat the chain
response: Not even you can manage to eat these magical bonds!
action: You get the polyp
response: As you rip the rubbery glistening stalk from its roots, ever diminishing jets of green ichor spray the craggy hilltop. Your consciousness fades...
action: Kiss polyp
response: Keep your mind on the game.
action: Attack polyp
response: You attack the fleshy white polyp!
Unthinkable! Your beautiful vegetative body has died! How eternally embarrassing -- killed by a mere zombie!
action: Look around
response: A craggy, windswept patch of dirt atop the smallest in a vast range of mountains. A barely visible path leads down the mountain. An opening leads north into the mountain itself.

You can see a fleshy white polyp here.
action: Go north
response: You can't! You are chained to the top of the hill by a set of obsidian shackles.
The shackles are beginning to rub your right wrist raw.
action: You look at the right wrist
response: You see your right wrist, just as you would expect.
action: You eat the arm
response: Choices, choices. Could you rephrase and indicate whether you mean your "left arm" or "right arm"?
action: You eat right arm
response: You savagely bite off your right arm.
The chained zombie arm flops to the ground, wriggles a bit and then rests there, inert.
action: Possess arm
response: (the shackle-bound zombie arm)
The attempt fails; you cannot sense the neuropsychic matrix of the shackle-bound zombie arm.
action: You take the arm
response: (the shackle-bound zombie arm)
You strain at the chain, but cannot pull it free from the rock.
action: You check what you're carrying
response: You are carrying:
some decaying farm garments (being worn)
a lacquer box
action: You read note
response: A carefully folded square of parchment paper, covered with small, precise writing in black ink. It says:

My Dear Zombie,

We, the Priests of Perigee, humble and loyal followers of Order, have the unfortunate duty to inform you that the Ivory Key of Obsidian Annihilation was lost in the year 37E121A105. In subsequent Pereginations, we have observed that this has not constituted an insurmountable inconvenience, and we trust this will again be the case.

We remain devoted and ever-committed to achieving Alignment.

Signed,
Laemmli, Emphyteote of Helle.
action: Go down
response: At the top, the winding path is little more than a depression in the gravel and mud, but lower down the mountain, it becomes more defined, and perhaps even sees occasional use. Near the bottom of the path a dirt road is visible.

You can see a shy little bunny rabbit here.
action: You kill the bunny
response: You attack the shy little bunny rabbit! The shy little bunny rabbit has stopped moving. Some would call it "dead", but of course, you know better.
action: You eat the bunny
response: The shy little bunny rabbit disappears down your hideous zombie craw. An ominous gurgling sound erupts from deep within your body.
action: Smell bunny
response: The shy little bunny rabbit smells of freshly cut grass.
action: Go east
response: It doesn't appear that you can go in that direction, but you could go upwards to the The Hilltop, or downwards to the Dirt Road.

The little rabbit ambles downwards.
action: Go downwards
response: A wheel-rutted single lane runs east and west. You are at the bottom of a path that leads upwards to the peak of a small mountain, while the road is bordered by dense woods. There is a small signpost here.

You can see a shy little bunny rabbit here.
action: You examine the sign
response: A tilted sign splattered with mud and road grime. A hand-painted arrow points east and is crudely labeled "To".

The little rabbit flees upwards.
action: You look around
response: A wheel-rutted single lane runs east and west. You are at the bottom of a path that leads upwards to the peak of a small mountain, while the road is bordered by dense woods. There is a small signpost here.
action: You read the signpost
response: A tilted sign splattered with mud and road grime. A hand-painted arrow points east and is crudely labeled "To".
action: Go south
response: Think again. That way won't work, but you might consider heading towards the east to the Road Into Town, towards the west to the Desolate Road, or upwards to the Sloping Path.
action: Go west
response: To the west, you can make out a cabin at the edge of the woods. The woods come right to the edge of the road, except on the north side where there is a small strip of meadow.
action: You go to the north
response: An unmaintained field with short grass near the road, and taller grass towards the surrounding woods. At the edge of the woods, there is a depression, and at its base, a hole. There are some rabbit tracks in the soft mud near the road to the south.
action: Go west
response: A fine idea, except for the lack of an obvious way to go in that direction, but you could go towards the south to the Desolate Road, or downwards to the Rabbit Hole Entrance.
action: Go downwards
response: You are too large to fit through the Rabbit Hole Entrance.
action: Go west
response: A small, windowless cabin to the west is framed by a lush lawn. To the south of the cabin, there is a small, well-tended garden. A dirt lane leads towards the east, where it joins up with the road into town.
action: Go south
response: A tidy little garden of the sort that is useful for growing medicinal herbs. You can see the cabin just to the north, and there is a vegetable garden to the east. On a more sombre note, there is a small cemetery to the southeast.

You can see two herbs (an herb with blue flowers and an herb with violet flowers) here.
action: You get the herbs
response: That's hardly portable.
action: You get the blue herb
response: Taken.
action: You possess herbs
response: The attempt fails; you cannot sense the neuropsychic matrix of the herb.
action: Go southwest
response: Think again. That way won't work, but you might consider heading towards the north to the Front Yard, towards the east to the Vegetable Garden, or towards the southeast to the Graveyard.
action: Go southeast
response: A quiet, lonely corner of the property behind the cabin. In the centre of the graveyard is the solitary mound of grave. The pleasant garden to the northwest provides a comforting contrast.

You can see an herb with yellow flowers here.
action: You go to the northwest
response: A tidy little garden of the sort that is useful for growing medicinal herbs. You can see the cabin just to the north, and there is a vegetable garden to the east. On a more sombre note, there is a small cemetery to the southeast.
action: Go east
response: A small plot of land is furrowed and meticulously free of weeds. A large, weather-beaten stuffed wolf is mounted on a short pole. You are just east of the herb garden.

You can see a nice tomato, a carrot and a stuffed wolf here.
action: You examine the wolf
response: What a pathetic looking...what? Dog? Wolf? Hard to tell. The fur is completely worn away in places, and the wire frame pokes through. The whole thing is mounted on a short pole, in an awkward posture which suggests that the animal is running. Its teeth have been amateurishly painted red, although the paint is fading and chipped in places, and some of the teeth have even fallen out of their sockets.
action: You examine the tomato
response: A paragon amongst tomatokind, this lustrous red beauty is at the very point of turning ripe; it is firm and free of any blemish.
action: Possess wolf
response: The attempt fails; you cannot sense the neuropsychic matrix of the stuffed wolf.
action: Possess tomato
response: The attempt fails; you cannot sense the neuropsychic matrix of the nice tomato.
action: You get all
response: nice tomato: Taken.
carrot: An herb with orange flowers germinates!
Taken.
stuffed wolf: The stuffed wolf doesn't budge. It's no use --  it is definitely fixed in place.
action: You get the herb
response: (the herb with orange flowers)
Taken.
action: Look around
response: A small plot of land is furrowed and meticulously free of weeds. A large, weather-beaten stuffed wolf is mounted on a short pole. You are just east of the herb garden.

You can see a stuffed wolf here.
action: You examine the teeth
response: The better to EAT you with.
action: You get the teeth
response: The stuffed wolf doesn't budge. It's no use --  it is definitely fixed in place.
action: You examine the pole
response: A sturdy metal pole.
action: You get the pole
response: Please leave polling to politicians. You can't take the pole.
action: Lick pole
response: You give the stuffed wolf a nice wet lick!
action: You go to the southeast
response: A quiet, lonely corner of the property behind the cabin. In the centre of the graveyard is the solitary mound of grave. The pleasant garden to the northwest provides a comforting contrast.
action: You go to the west
response: A monastically simple room, with a single chair, a low table, and a small fireplace. Strangely, this house has been built with no windows. The kitchen is to the north, and the front yard is to the east. There is a closed warped door which leads to a room to the west.

You can see a table (on which is a grey potion) and a black chair (on which is an old man) here.

"Zzzzzzzzz."
action: You get the potion
response: Taken.

"Zzzzzzzzz."
action: You open the door
response: The door's rusty hinges squeak loudly.
Yawning and blinking, the old man and searches numbly in his long robe. After a minute, he finds what he is looking for and withdraws a pair of precision-crafted spectacles and lifts them to his face.
action: Go north
response: A long, narrow room with a butcher's table. Below the table, there is some sort of large, cube-shaped device marked "recycling unit". There is a cabinet on the wall, with its doors closed. The only way out is back south to the front room.

You can see a butcher table here.
action: You open cabinet
response: The cabinet doors open, revealing a strange machine which is bolted to the wall and occupies the entire interior of the cabinet.
action: You read the potion
response: A potion, grey in colour, contained in a glass bottle. The bottle has a small label.
action: Inv
response: You are carrying:
a grey potion
an herb with grey flowers
a carrot
a nice tomato
three herbs:
an herb with grey flowers
an herb with grey flowers
an herb with grey flowers
some decaying farm garments (being worn)
a lacquer box which contains a parchment note
action: You read label
response: "potion of minutise."
action: You look
response: A long, narrow room with a butcher's table. Below the table, there is some sort of large, cube-shaped device marked "recycling unit". A cabinet built into the wall is open, showing a large machine inside. The only way out is back south to the front room.

You can see a butcher table here.
action: Go south
response: A monastically simple room, with a single chair, a low table, and a small fireplace. Strangely, this house has been built with no windows. The kitchen is to the north, and the front yard is to the east. There is a closed warped door which leads to a room to the west.

You can see a table and a black chair (on which is an old man) here.

"Zzzzzzzzz."
action: Go west
response: You can't, since the warped door is in the way.

"Zzzzzzzzz."
action: You open the door
response: The door's rusty hinges squeak loudly.
Yawning and blinking, the old man and searches numbly in his long robe. After a minute, he finds what he is looking for and withdraws a pair of precision-crafted spectacles and lifts them to his face.
action: Go west
response: An uncomfortable, stifling bedroom with no windows. The room is barely large enough to accommodate the vaguely bed-like lump of furniture in the middle of the room. A tall, classic mirror framed in dark wood is wedged between the bed and the wall. A pretty silk ribbon is tastefully draped across the mirror, about half-way up. The mirror reflects the scene in the room. The only exit, an open warped door, lies to the east, and leads back to the front room.

You can see a bed (on which is a pillow) here.

From the adjoining room you hear a steady stream of irate ranting.
action: You close door
response: The door's rusty hinges squeak loudly.

From the adjoining room you hear a steady stream of irate ranting.
action: You examine the door
response: A cheap piece of planking set on rusty hinges. It is closed.

From the adjoining room you hear a steady stream of irate ranting.
action: You examine the bed
response: A raised, stone platform vaguely reminiscent of a neolithic bed. By no means inviting.

From the adjoining room you hear a steady stream of irate ranting.
action: You examine the pillow
response: A grey, paper-thin bit of fabric that may have been a pillow in its former life.
action: You look under the pillow
response: The pitiful pillow wafts aside, revealing a small bottle.
action: You examine bottle
response: (the grey potion)
A potion, grey in colour, contained in a glass bottle. The bottle has a small label.
action: You get the bottle
response: (the grey potion)
You already have the grey potion.
action: You look
response: An uncomfortable, stifling bedroom with no windows. The room is barely large enough to accommodate the vaguely bed-like lump of furniture in the middle of the room. A tall, classic mirror framed in dark wood is wedged between the bed and the wall. A pretty silk ribbon is tastefully draped across the mirror, about half-way up. The mirror reflects the scene in the room. The only exit, a closed warped door, lies to the east, and leads back to the front room.

You can see a bed (on which are a grey potion and a pillow) here.
action: You get grey
response: Which do you mean, the ribbon, a grey potion, an herb with grey flowers, the carrot, the nice tomato or the lacquer box?
action: You examine the tomato
response: A paragon amongst tomatokind, this lustrous grey beauty is at the very point of turning ripe; it is firm and free of any blemish.
action: You lie on bed
response: Yes, well that would require bending, and since becoming undead, you have noticed a major loss of flexibility. You are stuck in a standing position.
action: You open the door then e
response: The door's rusty hinges squeak loudly.
The figure on the chair wakes and searches numbly in his long robe. After a minute, he finds what he is looking for and withdraws a pair of precision-crafted spectacles and lifts them to his face.

From the adjoining room you hear a steady stream of irate ranting.

A monastically simple room, with a single chair, a low table, and a small fireplace. Strangely, this house has been built with no windows. The kitchen is to the north, and the front yard is to the east. There is an open warped door which leads to a room to the west.

You can see a table and a black chair (on which is an old man) here.
action: Possess man
response: You encounter an overwhelmingly powerful psychic barrier. The attempt fails entirely!

An unpaved road runs from east to west. A small town can be seen in the far distance to the east, on the far side of a stone bridge.

You can see an angry mob here.
You recall the old man saying, "This may sting slightly..." The old man then merely leaned back, crossed his legs and nonchalantly doused you with some sort of fluid from a canister that he must have had hidden in the cushions. After some time, your panic has ebbed and you have returned to your senses. You realise that you are no longer in the house, but must have run off.

An unpaved road runs from east to west. A small town can be seen in the far distance to the east, on the far side of a stone bridge.

You can see an angry mob here.
action: Go west
response: A wheel-rutted single lane runs east and west. You are at the bottom of a path that leads upwards to the peak of a small mountain, while the road is bordered by dense woods. There is a small signpost here.
action: You check your inventory
response: You are carrying:
a violet potion
an herb with orange flowers
a carrot
a nice tomato
three herbs:
an herb with yellow flowers
an herb with violet flowers
an herb with blue flowers
some decaying farm garments (being worn)
a lacquer box which contains a parchment note
action: Drink potion
response: The violet potion disappears with a PUFF!

Everything around you has gotten bigger!
action: You enter the hole
response: e Ent
rance

row,
dark,
rabbi
t-siz
e tun
nel l
eadin
g bot
h tow
ards
the s
urfac
e and
even
deepe
r thr
ough
the d
ark,
moist
earth
.
action: Go downwards
response: d/
action: You go downward
action: Possess bunny
response: You can't! The shy little bunny rabbit has not been suitably prepared! Not yet, at least.
action: Possess zombie
response: You possess the shambling zombie.

As you slide into the mind of your new host, you brush against neural resonances of the shambling zombie's former life. The decohering images are not clear and they are already fading: Haughty figures in purple robes...tied to the table...must get back to the farm...a greater purpose...to serve whom?...no escape...drinking the liquid...tastes awful...no problems now... must obey...obey the priests...climb the hill and wait...wait....

The little rabbit bounds downwards.
action: You bite the right arm
response: All this talk about your right arm is making you chomp at the bit.
action: You bite the right wrist
response: All this talk about your right wrist is making you chomp at the bit.
action: You examine wrist
response: You see your wrist, just as you would expect.
action: You eat right arm
response: You cruelly bite off your right arm.
The chained zombie arm flops to the ground, wriggles a bit and then rests there, inert.
action: You open the door
response: It seems jammed shut.
action: You hit the door
response: Your attack was reasonably successful. The cheap wooden door looks moderately damaged.
action: You hit the door
response: Your attack weakened it. The cheap wooden door looks moderately damaged.
action: You hit the door
response: Your attack superb! The cheap wooden door looks severely damaged.
action: You hit the door
response: Your attack devastating! The cheap wooden door looks on the brink of obliteration.
action: You hit the door
response: Wham! You obliterate it! ...perhaps you can go north now.
action: Go north
response: An austere room with plain, white marble walls and a polished floor of checkered black and white tile. Through the remnants of the ancient entranceway, only the barest sliver of pale daylight penetrates the room (not that it matters...for you, at least). There is a closed marble door at the north end of the room.

You can see a wooden bowl (in which is a fruit) and a sculpture here.
action: You examine the bowl
response: A thick, wooden fruit bowl.
action: You examine the fruit
response: A succulent grey fruit covered with minute, almost invisible bristles.
action: You get the bowl
response: If everyone walked off with the bowl, there wouldn't be much to welcome other guests. It wouldn't be a very welcoming hall, now would it? They're not taking any chances, though, the bowl is glued to the table.
action: You examine the sculpture
response: A sculpture of an old woman in a flowing cape. The sculpture is covered in dust and has aged and faded to a dark grey patina. It is difficult to make out any detail.
action: You get the fruit
response: Taken.
action: Clean sculpture
response: Ew....shiny. And a bit scary!
action: You look at it
response: A gleaming, polished grey sculpture of an exceptionally evil-appearing, wizened old woman, with penetrating, bulbous, hungry eyes, and claw-like, gnarled hands. The sculpture radiates a restrained hatred and sense of injustice that yearns to revenge itself. It's hard to stop looking at it.
action: You look
response: An austere room with plain, white marble walls and a polished floor of checkered black and white tile. Through the remnants of the ancient entranceway, only the barest sliver of pale daylight penetrates the room (not that it matters...for you, at least). There is a closed marble door at the north end of the room.

You can see a wooden bowl (which is empty) and a sculpture here.
action: You open the door
response: You open the marble door.
action: Go north
response: Stairs lead downwards into this room from both the north and south ends; an open marble door leads out of the room to the south, and a closed speckled door leads northward. The room is panelled in dark wood, and has an arched wooden ceiling and grey, stone floor. Near the middle of of the room, there is a sink inset into the east wall. It looks like there is some sort of hole in the middle of the floor near the north end.
action: You look at the sink
response: A large marble sink is inset partway into the wall. A single white porcelain knob projects from the wall above the sink. Below the knob, a silvery wolf head points towards the sink beneath it. The wolf's mouth is open. At the bottom of the sink, there is a small drain hole.
action: You examine the wolf
response: A gleaming silver wolf's head projects from the wall above the sink. Its mouth is open and appears to be the end of a hollow tube.
action: You look in the drain
response: The drain is empty.
action: You look in the hole
response: Which do you mean, the drain or the floor hole?
action: Floor hole
response: The floor hole is empty.
action: You examine the floor hole
response: The floor of the room slopes down almost imperceptibly towards the centre of the room. Here, you find a small, oddly shaped hole. At the bottom of the long, narrow shaft, you can discern a key.
action: You get Key
response: You can see the key, but can't reach it; the hole in the middle of the floor is just too narrow and deep. How frustrating.
action: You turn on the sink
response: How?
action: You wait
response: Time passes.
action: You put the fruit in the drain
response: You jam the fruit into the drain and it fits perfectly, making a tight seal. The water can't drain because the drain is plugged by the fruit, and the water overflows the marble sink. Buoyed up by the draining water, a wooden key has floated out of the floor hole and now rests on the room's floor.
action: You get Key
response: Taken.
action: You unlock door
response: Which do you mean, the speckled door or the marble door?
action: Speckled
response: What do you want to unlock the speckled door with?
action: Key
response: The door opens with a click.
action: You go to the north
response: A long hall lined with a collection of portraits of men and women in priestly robes. Some of the faces seem vaguely familiar to you. There must be hexanies of them here. One picture frame stands out in particular, an empty frame at the north end of the hall. There is an open speckled door at the south end of the hall. To the north, there is an open archway which leads to an icy cavern.
action: You look at the portraits
response: These are formal portraits, painted by a master.
action: You examine the empty frame
response: The last frame towards the north end of the hall is not actually empty, but filled with a swirling, flat grey mist. You think you can almost glimpse a face, but then it is gone. There is a small nameplate under only this blank frame.
action: You examine the nameplate
response: "NIBEX"
action: You examine the mist
response: A disturbing, depthless void.
action: You examine NIBEX
response: In your mind's eye, you can almost focus on the face... but then it slips away.
action: You lick it
response: You give the portraits a nice wet lick!
action: You eat the portraits
response: Get real.
action: Smell mist
response: The mist seems to be part of the painting.
action: Go north
response: The temperature drops as you enter this long, echoing chamber. The ceiling and floor seem to be coated with a clear, slippery, hard substance. The walls, on the whole, look rubbery. As you contemplate that, you realise that you have slid to the centre of the room...

The white ceiling and floor of the room are entirely unremarkable except for their unusual slickness. You can see exits near the centre of the north and south walls. You are dead-centre in the middle of the room.
action: You examine the ceiling
response: The ceiling is far over head and, like the floor, seems frozen solid.
action: You check your inventory
response: You are carrying:
a fruit
a wooden key
some decaying farm garments (being worn)
a lacquer box
action: Sing
response: Your singing is abominable.
action: You jump
response: After a catastrophic fall, you flounder helplessly for a moment.
action: North
response: You can't get any traction! You haven't moved at all!
action: You look
response: The white ceiling and floor of the room are entirely unremarkable except for their unusual slickness. You can see exits near the centre of the north and south walls. You are dead-centre in the middle of the room.
action: Hint
response: Help, Hints, and Info
N = next subject                                        P = previous RETURN = read subject                                Q = resume game

> What is this?
Instructions
Help. I'm stuck!
The Making Of
Bugs
Acknowledgements
Administrivia
action: Lick floor
response: Your tongue adheres briefly to the floor and then snaps painfully back into your mouth.
action: You eat the floor
response: Get real.
action: Inventory
response: You are carrying:
a fruit
a wooden key
some decaying farm garments (being worn)
a lacquer box which contains a parchment note
action: You throw fruit south
response: You throw the fruit towards the south; and you catch it in mid-air, after it bounces off the southern wall. You are ever so gently propelled towards the north. You are less than halfway to the northern wall and equidistant between the western and eastern walls.
action: You throw the fruit south
response: You throw the fruit towards the south; and you catch it in mid-air, after it bounces off the southern wall. You are ever so gently propelled towards the north. You are more than halfway to the northern wall and equidistant between the western and eastern walls.
action: You throw the fruit south
response: You throw the fruit towards the south; and you catch it in mid-air, after it bounces off the southern wall. You are right next to the northern wall and equidistant between the western and eastern walls. The exit is just to your north.
action: Go north
response: This room is remarkable for its high, arched ceiling which almost gives you the impression of being outside at night. An inclined metal shaft leads off to the west, there is some sort of tiled chamber to the east, and there is a frozen cavern to the south. In addition, a steep spiral stairway leads down. A sign is engraved into the wall near the top of the stairs.
action: You go west
response: You are too large to fit through the Metal Shaft.
action: You look at sign
response: Faithful Candidate,

We applaude your effort and ingenuity in coming this far. Now that preliminaries are out of the way, we can get down to the actual process of neuroalignment. If you fail, no matter how gruesome your death, you can rest assured that there will be others, and that however long it takes, we shall in the end select a suitable candidate. It is more important to assure mental compatibility than to do so hastily.

The process of alignment may be gradual, so we have provided several tools, found in the adjoining chambers, to aid you along the way.

p.s. Sorry about the lousy poetry -- it is an unavoidable part of the process. And really, it is the least of your problems.
action: You examine the tiles
response: The very small tiles that form the mosiacs on the walls are glasslike and smooth. The level of detail is astounding, and the frogs on the wall are so realistic that you would almost swear that they are alive.
action: Lick frogs
response: You give the walls a nice wet lick!
action: Blow whistle
response: A monastically simple room, with a single chair, a low table, and a small fireplace. Strangely, this house has been built with no windows. The kitchen is to the north, and the front yard is to the east. There is a closed warped door which leads to a room to the west.

You can see a table (on which is a grey potion) and a black chair (on which is an old man) here.

You somersault out of the fireplace, covered with black soot and smelling like a barbeque.

"Zzzzzzzzz."
action: You get the potion
response: Taken.

"Zzzzzzzzz."
action: You look at the man
response: The old man is short and plump, with unkempt white hair and a stubbly beard of several days growth. His forehead and temples are streaked with deep lines, and his eyes are deeply set in dark sockets. His skin is pale, almost translucent, except for the dark patches under his eyes, and the spiderveins that run through the thin skin over his cheekbones. His gummy mouth harbours not a single tooth, and his flabby lower lip has stretched outward, draping sloppily over his double chin. Somewhere, his head merges into jowls which overlap his barrel chest, by-passing a neck entirely. He is dressed in the fine robes of a priest. He is sleeping comfortably on a fancy chair.

"Zzzzzzzzz."
action: You examine table
response: A short, heavy wooden table.

"Zzzzzzzzz."
action: You examine the chair
response: The modern chair is discordant with its drab and mundane surroundings. Whilst the rest of the room is made of stone, wood and thatch, the metal frame of the chair gleams brilliantly and has been finely tooled -- clearly, not the work of the village blacksmith. The chair is contoured like a human body, with a head-support, arm-rests and elevated knee support and foot-rests. The ample cushioning is covered in a supple, black material and the entire chair is reclined. There is a small metal lever near the right arm rest, it has been pulled upwards towards the headrest. Perhaps the most remarkable feature of the chair is the old man sleeping in it.

"Zzzzzzzzz."
action: Lick chair
response: You give the black chair a nice wet lick!

"Zzzzzzzzz."
action: Go north
response: A long, narrow room with a butcher's table. Below the table, there is some sort of large, cube-shaped device marked "recycling unit". There is a cabinet on the wall, with its doors closed. The only way out is back south to the front room.

You can see a butcher table here.
action: You look at the table
response: A sturdy table topped with a heavy block of light wood which bears evidence of years of cutting and chopping. There is a big white appliance under the table.
action: You look at the appliance
response: A large, white enamel box with an attached hopper. The box is flat on every side, and altogether unremarkable, except for the words "recycling unit" which appear in raised script letters on the upper right hand corner of the unit, above the hopper. There is something in the hopper.
action: You look in the hopper
response: In the hopper is an empty bottle.
action: You get empty
response: Taken.
action: You examine empty
response: An empty, clear bottle capped by some sort of metal seal.
action: Go south
response: You can see a table and a black chair (on which is an old man) here.

"Zzzzzzzzz."
action: You open the door
response: The door's rusty hinges squeak loudly.
The old man stirs and searches reflexively in his long robe. After a minute, he finds what he is looking for and withdraws a pair of precision-crafted spectacles and lifts them to his face.
action: Search robe
response: Whilst rifling through the old man's robe you find a pair of glasses.

"Zzzzzzzzz."
action: You wear the glasses
response: (first taking the glasses)
You put on the glasses.

"Zzzzzzzzz."
action: About yourself
response: You are a possessed decaying corpse with vacant, unblinking eyes and saliva-coated maw; it is apparent that you are undead. You seem to be missing a right arm. In terms of fashion, you are wearing some decaying farm garments. At least the spectacles add an air of academic respectability.

The elderly priest mumbles incoherently about tomatoes.
action: You get the robe
response: It is not an appealing garment. Yes, it has a certain homely charm to it, but the smell is putting you off.

"Zzzzzzzzz."
action: You wear the robe
response: (first taking the old man's robe)
It is not an appealing garment. Yes, it has a certain homely charm to it, but the smell is putting you off.

"Zzzzzzzzz."
action: You go to the east
response: A small, windowless cabin to the west is framed by a lush lawn. To the south of the cabin, there is a small, well-tended garden. A dirt lane leads towards the east, where it joins up with the road into town.
action: Go south
response: A tidy little garden of the sort that is useful for growing medicinal herbs. You can see the cabin just to the north, and there is a vegetable garden to the east. On a more sombre note, there is a small cemetery to the southeast.

You can see two herbs (an herb with blue flowers and an herb with violet flowers) here.
action: You get all
response: herb with blue flowers: Taken.
herb with violet flowers: Taken.
action: Go southeast
response: A quiet, lonely corner of the property behind the cabin. In the centre of the graveyard is the solitary mound of grave. The pleasant garden to the northwest provides a comforting contrast.

You can see an herb with yellow flowers here.
action: You get all
response: herb with yellow flowers: Taken.
action: Go east
response: A small plot of land is furrowed and meticulously free of weeds. A large, weather-beaten stuffed wolf is mounted on a short pole. You are just east of the herb garden.

You can see a nice tomato, a carrot and a stuffed wolf here.
action: You get the tomato and the carrot
response: nice tomato: Taken.
carrot: An herb with orange flowers germinates!
Taken.
action: You look
response: A small plot of land is furrowed and meticulously free of weeds. A large, weather-beaten stuffed wolf is mounted on a short pole. You are just east of the herb garden.

You can see an herb with orange flowers and a stuffed wolf here.
action: You check your inventory
response: You are carrying:
a carrot
a nice tomato
three herbs:
an herb with yellow flowers
an herb with violet flowers
an herb with blue flowers
a pair of glasses (being worn)
a violet potion
a whistle
a fruit
a wooden key
some decaying farm garments (being worn)
a lacquer box which contains a parchment note
action: You get the herb
response: (the herb with orange flowers)
You're carrying too many things already.
action: You remove the garments
response: You take off the decaying farm garments.
action: Wear garments
response: You put on the decaying farm garments.
action: You put all in the box
response: carrot: The carrot is too big to fit into the lacquer box.
nice tomato: The nice tomato is too big to fit into the lacquer box. herb with yellow flowers: There is no more room in the lacquer box. herb with violet flowers: There is no more room in the lacquer box. herb with blue flowers: There is no more room in the lacquer box. violet potion: The violet potion is too big to fit into the lacquer box.
whistle: The whistle is too big to fit into the lacquer box.
fruit: There is no more room in the lacquer box.
wooden key: There is no more room in the lacquer box.
action: You drop wooden Key
response: Dropped.
action: You look at the machine
response: Within the kitchen cabinet, there is an odd-looking contraption with a metal funnel on the top, a crank with a wooden handle on the side, and recess marked "bottle" at the base, below a hollow tube. A bottle is locked into this receptacle at the base of the machine.
action: You look at what you're carrying with you
response: You are carrying:
a carrot
a nice tomato
a pair of glasses (being worn)
a grey potion
a whistle
a fruit
some decaying farm garments (being worn)
a lacquer box which contains a parchment note

four herbs:
an herb with grey flowers
an herb with grey flowers
an herb with grey flowers
an herb with grey flowers
action: Go south
response: A monastically simple room, with a single chair, a low table, and a small fireplace. Strangely, this house has been built with no windows. The kitchen is to the north, and the front yard is to the east. There is a closed warped door which leads to a room to the west.

You can see a table and a black chair (on which is an old man) here.

The elderly priest rests peacefully.
action: You check your inventory
response: You are carrying:
a carrot
a nice tomato
a pair of glasses (being worn)
a grey potion
a whistle
a fruit
some decaying farm garments (being worn)
a lacquer box which contains a parchment note

four herbs:
an herb with grey flowers
an herb with grey flowers
an herb with grey flowers
an herb with grey flowers

"Zzzzzzzzz."
action: You go to the east
response: A small, windowless cabin to the west is framed by a lush lawn. To the south of the cabin, there is a small, well-tended garden. A dirt lane leads towards the east, where it joins up with the road into town.
action: You drop every the herb
response: herb with orange flowers: Dropped.
herb with yellow flowers: Dropped.
herb with violet flowers: Dropped.
herb with blue flowers: Dropped.
action: You put the herb in the funnel
response: The herb with grey flowers slides downwards in the funnel.
action: You get the potion
response: (the grey potion)
You already have the grey potion.
action: You get all from recess
response: Be more specific, please.
action: You go to the east
response: A small, windowless cabin to the west is framed by a lush lawn. To the south of the cabin, there is a small, well-tended garden. A dirt lane leads towards the east, where it joins up with the road into town.

You can see three herbs (an herb with blue flowers, an herb with violet flowers and an herb with yellow flowers) here.
action: Go north
response: A monastically simple room, with a single chair, a low table, and a small fireplace. Strangely, this house has been built with no windows. The kitchen is to the north, and the front yard is to the east. There is a closed warped door which leads to a room to the west.

You can see a table and a black chair (on which is an old man) here.

"Zzzzzzzzz."

A long, narrow room with a butcher's table. Below the table, there is some sort of large, cube-shaped device marked "recycling unit". A cabinet built into the wall is open, showing a large machine inside. The only way out is back south to the front room.

You can see a butcher table here.
action: You get the potion
response: Taken.
action: You read the label
response: "potion of sighting."
action: Go east
response: A small, windowless cabin to the west is framed by a lush lawn. To the south of the cabin, there is a small, well-tended garden. A dirt lane leads towards the east, where it joins up with the road into town.

You can see a violet potion and three herbs (an herb with blue flowers, an herb with violet flowers and an herb with yellow flowers) here.
action: You drink the orange potion
response: The orange potion disappears with a PUFF!

A small, windowless cabin to the west is framed by a lush lawn. To the south of the cabin, there is a small, well-tended garden. A dirt lane leads towards the east, where it joins up with the road into town.

You can see a violet potion and three herbs (an herb with blue flowers, an herb with violet flowers and an herb with yellow flowers) here.
action: About yourself
response: You are a possessed decaying corpse with vacant, unblinking eyes and watering oral cavity; if you look closely around the eyes, there is no question but that you are undead. You seem to be missing a right arm. In terms of fashion, you are wearing some decaying farm garments. At least the spectacles add an air of academic respectability.

"Zzzzzzzzz."
action: You examine the tomato
response: A paragon amongst tomatokind, this lustrous red beauty is at the very point of turning ripe; it is firm and free of any blemish.

"Zzzzzzzzz."
action: You examine the robe
response: The old man is wearing a robe typical of the Order of the Perigee. It is not of recent vintage, nor has it seen soap and water in the recent past. The old man is lying on the robe, so you can only see one side of it, and you note a small pocket near the waist.

"Zzzzzzzzz."
action: You look in the pocket
response: Whilst probing the old man's robe you find absolutely nothing.

A monastically simple room, with a single chair, a low table, and a small fireplace. Strangely, this house has been built with no windows. The kitchen is to the north, and the front yard is to the east. There is a closed warped door which leads to a room to the west.

You can see a table and a black chair (on which is an old man) here.

"Zzzzzzzzz."
action: You get the robe
response: It is not an appealing garment. Yes, it has a certain homely charm to it, but the smell is putting you off.

"Zzzzzzzzz."
action: Smell robe
response: A pungent old man smell mingled with sweat, alcohol, and other substances too horrible to mention.

"Zzzzzzzzz."
action: Inventory
response: You are carrying:
a carrot
a nice tomato
a pair of glasses (being worn)
a whistle
a fruit
some decaying farm garments (being worn)
a lacquer box which contains a parchment note

"Zzzzzzzzz."
action: Lick man
response: You give the old man a nice wet lick!

"Zzzzzzzzz."
action: You open the door
response: The door's rusty hinges squeak loudly.
The figure on the chair wakes and searches reflexively in his long robe. After a minute, he makes a clucking noise and mumbles "Last time this happened, I was looking for them for a month."
action: You talk to the man
response: You can ASK or TELL someone ABOUT something, or you can SHOW someone something.
action: You ask the man about yourself
response: "Hmmph. I suppose. Or not. Pardon. Lost my train of thought there for a moment."
action: You ask the man about the zombie
response: "Essentially, a zombie is a hollowed-out shell of a living being, and unless they're possessed by some outside agency, they're not a threat at all, just landscaping really. My advice: avoid them if you can, and watch out for their drool. "
action: You ask the man about the drool
response: "I find drool repulsive. Dogs, babies, zombies, you name it."
action: Drool
response: Now there's a job skill. A small pool of saliva evaporates.
action: You ask the man about the zombie drool
response: "Come again? Didn't quite catch that. Bad hearing you know."
action: Drool on man
response: An unmaintained field with short grass near the road, and taller grass towards the surrounding woods. At the edge of the woods, there is a depression, and at its base, a hole. There are some rabbit tracks in the soft mud near the road to the south.
You recall the old man saying, "It's called immunity Look it up. Now git." The old man then whipped around, lithe as a serpent, and sprayed you with a fine mist of liquid. After some time, your panic has ebbed and you have returned to your senses. You realise that you are no longer in the house, but must have run off.

An unmaintained field with short grass near the road, and taller grass towards the surrounding woods. At the edge of the woods, there is a depression, and at its base, a hole. There are some rabbit tracks in the soft mud near the road to the south.
action: Go west
response: An uncomfortable, stifling bedroom with no windows. The room is barely large enough to accommodate the vaguely bed-like lump of furniture in the middle of the room. A tall, classic mirror framed in dark wood is wedged between the bed and the wall. A pretty silk ribbon is tastefully draped across the mirror, about half-way up. The mirror reflects the scene in the room. The only exit, an open warped door, lies to the east, and leads back to the front room.

You can see a bed (on which is a pillow) here.

From the adjoining room you hear the old man moving around.
action: You look at the mirror
response: A beautiful antique mirror of unparallelled craftsmanship. A pretty silk ribbon is draped across the mirror, about half-way up. Reflected in the mirror, you can see a zombie dressed in the clothes of a farmer.

From the adjoining room you hear the old man moving around.
action: Go east
response: A monastically simple room, with a single chair, a low table, and a small fireplace. Strangely, this house has been built with no windows. The kitchen is to the north, and the front yard is to the east. There is an open warped door which leads to a room to the west.

You can see a table and a black chair (on which is an old man) here.
action: You go east
response: A small, windowless cabin to the west is framed by a lush lawn. To the south of the cabin, there is a small, well-tended garden. A dirt lane leads towards the east, where it joins up with the road into town.

You can see a violet potion and three herbs (an herb with blue flowers, an herb with violet flowers and an herb with yellow flowers) here.

From inside the cabin you hear the old man moving around, "Don't track mud into the house."
action: You get the violet
response: Which do you mean, the violet potion or the herb with violet flowers?
action: Potion
response: Taken.

From inside the cabin you hear the old man moving around.
action: Go east
response: To the west, you can make out a cabin at the edge of the woods. The woods come right to the edge of the road, except on the north side where there is a small strip of meadow.
action: Go east
response: A wheel-rutted single lane runs east and west. You are at the bottom of a path that leads upwards to the peak of a small mountain, while the road is bordered by dense woods. There is a small signpost here.
action: Up
response: At the top, the winding path is little more than a depression in the gravel and mud, but lower down the mountain, it becomes more defined, and perhaps even sees occasional use. Near the bottom of the path a dirt road is visible.

You can see a shy little bunny rabbit here.

The little rabbit scoots downwards.
action: Drool on Rabbit
response: The shy little bunny rabbit briefly obeys the laws of an alien geometry, bubbling and warping into impossible shapes, and then settles down, reassuming its familiar shape as if nothing happened. Really, nothing at all.

On the other hand it might be worth pointing out that the shy little bunny rabbit is holding unusually still, has a distant, almost catatonic expression, and that the first hints of foamy spittle have made their appearance at the corners of the shy little bunny rabbit's mouth.
action: Possess Rabbit
response: The psychic impulse propels the shy little bunny rabbit clear of you. You possess the shy little bunny rabbit.

As you slide into the mind of your new host, you brush against neural resonances of the shy little bunny rabbit's former life. The decohering images are not clear and they are already fading: Hop here, hop there...Carrots? Oh yes, please...more shiny stuff...shiny good...hop, hop...uh oh, people...bounce away... hop here, hop there...ew...what's that?.
action: You look
response: A wheel-rutted single lane runs east and west. You are at the bottom of a path that leads upwards to the peak of a small mountain, while the road is bordered by dense woods. There is a small signpost here.

You can see a shambling zombie here.
action: You look at the zombie
response: A dispossessed decaying corpse with vacant, unblinking eyes and drooling lips; if you look closely around the eyes, there is no question but that the shambling zombie is undead. The shambling zombie seems to be missing a right arm. In terms of fashion, the shambling zombie is wearing some decaying farm garments. At least the spectacles add an air of academic respectability.
action: You go east
response: Silly, possessed, and potentially evil bunny! Your little paws lack prehensile thumbs. It is pitiful watching you make the attempt.

An unpaved road runs from east to west. A small town can be seen in the far distance to the east, on the far side of a stone bridge.

You can see an angry mob here.
From the crowd you overhear, "Zombies is fer killin'".
action: Drool on mob
response: You cover the angry mob with glistening saliva. It evaporates.
action: You go east
response: A sturdy bridge of worked stone spans the river. The bridge is wide enough for two wagons to pass side-by-side. Short walls on both sides of the bridge prevent anyone from accidentally falling over the edge. The bridge runs from east to west. There isn't much to see to the west, except more road, but in the distance, you can see a walled town to the east.
action: You go east
response: The road dips down a little here, bringing you to a checkpoint midway between the bridge and the outer walls of the town to the east. A small white building, little more than a free-standing closet, stands just to the north side of the road. "Sentry Post" is written above the entrance.

You can see a guard here.

The guard attacks you!

A craggy, windswept patch of dirt atop the smallest in a vast range of mountains. A barely visible path leads down the mountain. An opening leads north into the mountain itself.

You can see a shackle-bound zombie arm here.

You are once again on your familiar hilltop. Your rabbit body took all the punishment that it could. Sensing imminent unpleasantness, and always motivated by an acute sense of self-preservation, you withdrew from your unfortunate host at the last possible moment, returning to both the comfort and immobility of your polypoid body.

The sun sets and night falls, and the world is
plunged into a flat, colourless panorama. You
stretch your fronds, searching for another host.

The sun rises, and you feel your strength ebbing.
You are alone.

As the day progresses, you realise that you are
wilting and that your transient unlife is
slipping through your fronds.

No one comes. No hosts. No escape.
action: About yourself
response: A cute, fuzzy white rabbit; it is a fair wager that you are undead.
action: You drool on yourself
response: You cover the yourself with disgusting saliva. It evaporates.
action: You examine Town
response: In the distance, you can see the walls of the Town of Orlane. Near the walls, a phalanx of army pikemen have assembled on the roadway.
action: West
response: An unpaved road runs from east to west. A small town can be seen in the far distance to the east, on the far side of a stone bridge.

You can see an angry mob here.
action: You go west
response: A wheel-rutted single lane runs east and west. You are at the bottom of a path that leads upwards to the peak of a small mountain, while the road is bordered by dense woods. There is a small signpost here.

You can see a shambling zombie here.
action: You get the carrot
response: Silly, possessed, and potentially evil bunny! Your little paws lack prehensile thumbs. It is pitiful watching you make the attempt.
action: You eat the carrot
response: Chomp. Chomp. Chomp. The carrot tastes earthy and sweet.
action: Possess zombie
response: You possess the shambling zombie.
action: You go north
response: Think again. That way won't work, but you could go towards the east to the Road Into Town, towards the west to the Desolate Road, or upwards to the Sloping Path.
action: Up
response: At the top, the winding path is little more than a depression in the gravel and mud, but lower down the mountain, it becomes more defined, and perhaps even sees occasional use. Near the bottom of the path a dirt road is visible.
action: Go north
response: Think again. That way won't work, but you might consider heading upwards to the The Hilltop, or downwards to the Dirt Road.
action: Up
response: A craggy, windswept patch of dirt atop the smallest in a vast range of mountains. A barely visible path leads down the mountain. An opening leads north into the mountain itself.

You can see a fleshy white polyp and a shackle-bound zombie arm here.
action: Go north
response: An austere room with plain, white marble walls and a polished floor of checkered black and white tile. Through the remnants of the ancient entranceway, only the barest sliver of pale daylight penetrates the room (not that it matters...for you, at least). There is an open marble door at the north end of the room.

You can see a wooden bowl (which is empty) and a sculpture here.
action: Go north
response: Stairs lead downwards into this room from both the north and south ends; an open marble door leads out of the room to the south, and an open speckled door leads northward. The room is panelled in dark wood, and has an arched wooden ceiling and grey, stone floor. Near the middle of of the room, there is a sink inset into the east wall. It looks like there is some sort of hole in the middle of the floor near the north end.
action: You go to the north
response: A long hall lined with a collection of portraits of men and women in priestly robes. Some of the faces seem vaguely familiar to you. There must be hexanies of them here. One picture frame stands out in particular, an empty frame at the north end of the hall. There is an open speckled door at the south end of the hall. To the north, there is an open archway which leads to an icy cavern.
action: Go north
response: The temperature drops as you enter this long, echoing chamber. The ceiling and floor seem to be coated with a clear, slippery, hard substance. The walls, on the whole, look rubbery. As you contemplate that, you realise that you have slid to the centre of the room...

The white ceiling and floor of the room are entirely unremarkable except for their unusual slickness. You can see exits near the centre of the north and south walls. You are dead-centre in the middle of the room.
action: Go north
response: This room is remarkable for its high, arched ceiling which almost gives you the impression of being outside at night. An inclined metal shaft leads off to the west, there is some sort of tiled chamber to the east, and there is a frozen cavern to the south. In addition, a steep spiral stairway leads down. A sign is engraved into the wall near the top of the stairs.
action: Drink potion
response: The grey potion disappears with a PUFF!

Everything around you has gotten bigger!
action: You go west
response: A straight, metal shaft with a very low ceiling. The shaft runs east to west and there are exits at both ends. To the east, you can see a cavernous room, and to the west you catch a hint of velvet-covered walls.
action: Go west
response: An egg-shaped room which is lined floor, walls and ceiling with a lush grey velvet. There is a pedestal in the middle of the room. The column of the pedestal is covered in fabric, and the fabric has scratch marks, as if sliced with a razor-sharp tool. On top of the pedestal, there is a cat statuette. At the base of the pedestal is a small, brass plaque. The only exit from the room is the metal shaft to the east, which is very small. Next to the shaft, a grey lever sticks of out the wall.

You can see a marble pedestal (on which is a cat) here.
action: You pull the lever
response: The passage leading to this room enlarges from a mere crawl space to true hallway as its ceiling retracts with a sliding sound.
action: You read the plaque
response: A polished metal plaque at the base of the pedestal reads:

Should you meet some frustrating obstruction
Of perversely exotic construction
One need only remember that
for a clue, whack it with the cat.
action: You get the cat
response: You are too tiny to pick up such a large cat!
action: You wait
response: Time passes.
Time passes.
Time passes.
action: You wait for a while
response: Time passes.
Time passes.
You return to your normal size. It feels good to be normal size again. Time passes.
action: You get the cat
response: As soon as you pick up the cat, it comes alive, hissing and arching its back. The chaotic mass of fur, teeth and claws is quite a handful... Oops!!!...dropped the shy little bunny rabbit!
The tomato lands with a disconcerting thud.
Doh!!!...dropped the nice tomato!
Zounds!!!...dropped the whistle!
Oofta!!!...dropped the fruit!
Doh!!!...dropped the lacquer box!

Now that you can pay full attention to the cat, it nuzzles you.
action: You hit yourself with cat
response: That would be suicidal!
action: You check what you're carrying
response: You are carrying:
a shy little bunny rabbit
a nice tomato
a pair of glasses (being worn)
a whistle
a fruit
some decaying farm garments (being worn)
a lacquer box which contains a parchment note
action: You go to the east
response: A straight, metal shaft. The shaft runs east to west and there are exits at both ends. To the east, you can see a cavernous room, and to the west you catch a hint of velvet-covered walls.
action: Go downwards
response: The staircase is made of dull, black stone, and a bannister of the same material spirals down along the wall. The staircase is steep but regular, with landings every step. You can go up or down.
action: Go downwards
response: At the bottom of the staircase, there is a large room with no furnishings. Well, except the monkey golem and the sign. There is a room behind the monkey, but you can't get a good look at it. Even more surreally, there is a small storm cloud over the monkey's head, and rain is pouring down violently only in the immediate area of the monkey. After all that, it seems logical that the monkey is using an umbrella to keep dry. Obviously, going up the stairs is also a consideration.

You can see a monkey golem here.
action: You examine the sign
response: Upon inspection, this plaque is actually part of the wall itself. Written in black letters upon a white background is the following:

A rule you'd better learn to ignore.
When thunder booms and lightning strikes
Don't worry about swords, shields or pikes.
If the sky is dimming avoid trouble.
Express your answer on the double.
action: Go west
response: An egg-shaped room which is lined floor, walls and ceiling with a lush grey velvet. There is a pedestal in the middle of the room. The column of the pedestal is covered in fabric, and the fabric has scratch marks, as if sliced with a razor-sharp tool. On top of the pedestal, there is a cat statuette. At the base of the pedestal is a small, brass plaque. The only exit from the room is the metal shaft to the east, which is wide open. Next to the shaft, a grey lever sticks of out the wall.

You can see a marble pedestal (on which is a cat) here.
action: You get the cat
response: As soon as you pick up the cat, it comes alive, hissing and arching its back. The chaotic mass of fur, teeth and claws is quite a handful... Oops!!!...dropped the shy little bunny rabbit!
The tomato lands with a disconcerting thud.
Yipes!!!...dropped the nice tomato!
Oops!!!...dropped the whistle!
Oy!!!...dropped the fruit!
Dang!!!...dropped the lacquer box!

Now that you can pay full attention to the cat, it nuzzles you.
action: You hit the golem with the cat
response: The cat seems satisfied that you have struck the monkey golem with it.
action: You hit the golem with cat
response: You whip the cat into the monkey golem.
action: You hit the golem with the cat
response: The cat asks for more as you strike it against the monkey golem.

The cat shrieks,"This guy's trying to make a monkey out of you! Don't listen to his double talk!".
action: You hit the golem with the cat
response: The cat seems bemused that you have pummeled the monkey golem with it.
action: You hit the golem with the cat
response: The cat seems chuffed that you have hammered the monkey golem with it.

The cat exclaims,"You'd better follow his instructions to the letter!".
action: You hit the golem with the cat
response: The cat laughs with pleasure as you strike it against the monkey golem.

The cat whines,"Harder! Oh come on, he's spelling it out for ya!".
action: You hit the golem with the cat
response: The cat asks for more as you drive it into the monkey golem.
action: You hit the golem with the cat
response: You slam the cat into the monkey golem.
action: You hit the golem with the cat
response: The cat seems grateful that you have repeatly beaten the monkey golem with it.
action: You hit the golem with the cat
response: The cat seems delighted that you have repeatly beaten the monkey golem with it.
action: You hit the golem with the cat
response: You bang the cat into the monkey golem.

The cat howls,"Put some back into it. For you answer, look to Gibbons, Baboons, Chimpanzees, not Macaques, Tamarins, Lemurs, or Howlers.".
action: You examine the golem
response: A beefy looking stone monkey golem stands between you and the next room. Clearly, he intends to block your way, because whichever way you move, he apes your movement. The monkey looks at you expectantly, as if you are supposed to say something. There is a small sign on the wall to the right of the monkey.
action: You read the sign
response: Upon inspection, this plaque is actually part of the wall itself. Written in black letters upon a white background is the following:

A rule you'd better learn to ignore.
When thunder booms and lightning strikes
Don't worry about swords, shields or pikes.
If the sky is dimming avoid trouble.
Express your answer on the double.
action: You ask the monkey about the storms
response: Ook! Ook!
action: You say the storms
response: (to the monkey golem)
The clouds dissipate, and the monkey folds up his umbrella and shakes it to the side. There is a puff of pink smoke, and the monkey is replaced by a wind-up tin monkey with cymbals...perhaps you can go east now.
action: You go to the east
response: This magnificent chamber pulses with living energy. There is a small inscription on the wall, and below it, a keyhole. The only exit from the room is to the west, back towards the stairs.
action: You examine the inscription
response: An inscription is engraved into the material of the wall. It reads:

Dear Candidate,

To proceed to the next phase of neuroalignment, insert the Ivory Key of Obsidian Annihilation into the teleport controller below.

The Order of the Perigee.
action: Inventory
response: You are carrying:
a cat
a pair of glasses (being worn)
some decaying farm garments (being worn)
action: You go west
response: At the bottom of the staircase, there is a large room with no furnishings. There is an exit to the east. Obviously, going up the stairs is also a consideration.

You can see a toy monkey here.
action: You get the monkey
response: The cat wants your full attention. You can't pick up anything else.
action: You drop the cat
response: The cat reverts to the form of a stone statuette.
action: You go to the west
response: An egg-shaped room which is lined floor, walls and ceiling with a lush grey velvet. There is a pedestal in the middle of the room. The column of the pedestal is covered in fabric, and the fabric has scratch marks, as if sliced with a razor-sharp tool. At the base of the pedestal is a small, brass plaque. The only exit from the room is the metal shaft to the east, which is wide open. Next to the shaft, a grey lever sticks of out the wall.

, a fruit, a whistle, a spoiled tomato, a shy little bunny rabbit and a marble pedestal here.
action: You get all
response: lacquer box: Taken.
fruit: Taken.
whistle: Taken.
spoiled tomato: Taken.
shy little bunny rabbit: Taken.
marble pedestal: The marble pedestal doesn't budge. It's no use --  it is definitely fixed in place.
action: Blow whistle
response: A monastically simple room, with a single chair, a low table, and a small fireplace. Strangely, this house has been built with no windows. The kitchen is to the north, and the front yard is to the east. There is an open warped door which leads to a room to the west.

You can see a table and a black chair (on which is an old man) here.

You somersault out of the fireplace, covered with black soot and smelling like a barbeque.

"Zzzzzzzzz."
action: You go to the east
response: A small, windowless cabin to the west is framed by a lush lawn. To the south of the cabin, there is a small, well-tended garden. A dirt lane leads towards the east, where it joins up with the road into town.

You can see three herbs (an herb with blue flowers, an herb with violet flowers and an herb with yellow flowers) here.
action: You check your inventory
response: You are carrying:
a shy little bunny rabbit
a spoiled tomato
a whistle
a fruit
a lacquer box which contains a parchment note

a pair of glasses (being worn)
some decaying farm garments (being worn)
action: You go west
response: A monastically simple room, with a single chair, a low table, and a small fireplace. Strangely, this house has been built with no windows. The kitchen is to the north, and the front yard is to the east. There is an open warped door which leads to a room to the west.

You can see a table and a black chair (on which is an old man) here.

The man in priestly robes scratches himself in his sleep.
action: You look in the hopper
response: In the hopper are two empty bottles.
action: You put the bottle in the recess
response: (the empty bottle in the recess)
The bottle snaps into the recess and the nozzle assembly descends, puncturing the cap.
action: Go south
response: A monastically simple room, with a single chair, a low table, and a small fireplace. Strangely, this house has been built with no windows. The kitchen is to the north, and the front yard is to the east. There is an open warped door which leads to a room to the west.

You can see a table and a black chair (on which is an old man) here.

"Zzzzzzzzz."
action: You go east
response: A small, windowless cabin to the west is framed by a lush lawn. To the south of the cabin, there is a small, well-tended garden. A dirt lane leads towards the east, where it joins up with the road into town.

You can see two herbs (an herb with blue flowers and an herb with yellow flowers) here.
action: You examine Key
response: The soft gold of the key bears the impression of rabbit incisors, but the multi-hued jewels are firmly seated in their settings. The shaft and handle of the key are ebony. The rectangular shaft of the key terminates in an exceptionally intricate series of ridges and excavations, which suggest that it fits a very complex mechanism. Engraving along the shaft of the key reads "elleH ot yeK ehT" in an archaic script.
action: Go downward
response: At the bottom of the staircase, there is a large room with no furnishings. There is an exit to the east. Obviously, going up the stairs is also a consideration.

You can see a cat here.
action: You go to the east
response: This magnificent chamber pulses with living energy. There is a small inscription on the wall, and below it, a keyhole. The only exit from the room is to the west, back towards the stairs.
action: You put the ebony key in keyhole
response: Nothing seems to happen. How anticlimactic.
action: You turn the ebony key
response: Nothing obvious happens.
action: You get ebony key
response: You already have the ebony key.
action: You unlock the keyhole with ebony Key
response: That doesn't seem to be something you can unlock.
You return to your normal size. It feels good to be normal size again.
action: Blow whistle
response: A monastically simple room, with a single chair, a low table, and a small fireplace. Strangely, this house has been built with no windows. The kitchen is to the north, and the front yard is to the east. There is an open warped door which leads to a room to the west.

You can see a table and a black chair (on which is an old man) here.

A monastically simple room, with a single chair, a low table, and a small fireplace. Strangely, this house has been built with no windows. The kitchen is to the north, and the front yard is to the east. There is an open warped door which leads to a room to the west.

You can see a table and a black chair (on which is an old man) here.

You somersault out of the fireplace, covered with black soot and smelling like a barbeque.

"Zzzzzzzzz."
action: You go west
response: An uncomfortable, stifling bedroom with no windows. The room is barely large enough to accommodate the vaguely bed-like lump of furniture in the middle of the room. A tall, classic mirror framed in dark wood is wedged between the bed and the wall. A pretty silk ribbon is tastefully draped across the mirror, about half-way up. The mirror reflects the scene in the room. The only exit, an open warped door, lies to the east, and leads back to the front room.

You can see a bed (on which is a pillow) here.
action: You examine the mirror
response: A beautiful antique mirror of unparallelled craftsmanship. A pretty silk ribbon is draped across the mirror, about half-way up. Reflected in the mirror, you can see a zombie dressed in the clothes of a farmer.
action: You touch the mirror with Key
response: (first taking the mirror)
The mirror doesn't budge. It's no use --  it is definitely fixed in place.
action: You touch Key to mirror
response: As the key contacts its reflected twin, the mass and energy of two universes is concentrated into the infinitely small point of contact.

You have destroyed the very concept of existence. Nice work.
action: You enter the mirror
response: There is a grey ribbon in the way.
action: You enter mirror
response: eht evah uoy ,rorrim eht hguorht ssap uoy sA
ni uoy ekil enoemos tsap gnihsurb fo noitasnes
.tcepser yreve
action: You look
response: .esingocer I brev a ton s'tahT
action: Kool
response: on htiw moordeb gnilfits ,elbatrofmocnu nA
ot hguone egral ylerab si moor ehT .swodniw
fo pmul ekil-deb yleugav eht etadommocca
,llat A .moor eht fo elddim eht ni erutinruf
degdew si doow krad ni demarf rorrim cissalc
stcelfer rorrim ehT .llaw eht dna deb eht neewteb
nepo na ,tixe ylno ehT .moor eht ni enecs eht
ot kcab sdael dna ,tsae eht ot seil ,rood depraw
.moor tnorf eht

.ereh (wollip a si hcihw no) deb a ees nac uoY
action: Yrotnevni
response: :gniyrrac era uoY
yek yrovi na
tibbar ynnub elttil yhs a
otamot deliops a
eltsihw a
tiurf a
eton tnemhcrap a sniatnoc hcihw xob reuqcal a

(nrow gnieb) sessalg fo riap a
(nrow gnieb) stnemrag mraf gniyaced emos
action: Wollip teg
response: llams a gnilaever ,edisa stfaw wollip lufitip ehT
.elttob
action: Elottob teg
response: .gniht hcus yna ees t'nac uoY
action: Elttob teg
response: .nekaT
action: Yek X
response: era slewej deuh-itlum eht tub ,srosicni tibbar
dna tfahs ehT .sgnittes rieht ni detaes ylmrif
ralugnatcer ehT .yrovi era yek eht fo eldnah
yllanoitpecxe na ni setanimret yek eht fo tfahs
hcihw ,snoitavacxe dna segdir fo seires etacirtni
.msinahcem xelpmoc yrev a stif ti taht tseggus
ehT" sdaer yek eht fo tfahs eht gnola gnivargnE
.tpircs ciahcra na ni "elleH ot yeK
action: %
response: Nine-Tenths of the Law



Please press [Space] to begin
Nine-tenths of the Law
Copyright (c) 2008 Jack Welch

Type HELP for info on licencing and credits, or if you get stuck.

A craggy, windswept patch of dirt atop the smallest in a vast range of mountains. A barely visible path leads down the mountain.

You can see a cheap wooden door, a shambling zombie and a shy little bunny rabbit here.
action: Blow whistle
response: A monastically simple room, with a single chair, a low table, and a small fireplace. Strangely, this house has been built with no windows. The kitchen is to the north, and the front yard is to the east. There is an open warped door which leads to a room to the west.

You can see a table and a black chair (on which is an old man) here.

You somersault out of the fireplace, covered with black soot and smelling like a barbeque.

The figure in the chair mumbles incoherently about tomatoes.
action: You go west
response: An uncomfortable, stifling bedroom with no windows. The room is barely large enough to accommodate the vaguely bed-like lump of furniture in the middle of the room. A tall, classic mirror framed in dark wood is wedged between the bed and the wall. A pretty silk ribbon is tastefully draped across the mirror, about half-way up. The mirror reflects the scene in the room. The only exit, an open warped door, lies to the east, and leads back to the front room.

You can see a bed (on which is a pillow) here.
action: You look under the pillow
response: The pitiful pillow wafts aside, revealing a small bottle.
action: You get the bottle
response: The grey potion is too heavy.
action: You read the label
response: "potion of aronk."
action: Inv
response: You are carrying:
an ebony key
a shy little bunny rabbit
a spoiled tomato
a whistle
a fruit
a lacquer box which contains a parchment note

a pair of glasses (being worn)
some decaying farm garments (being worn)
action: About yourself
response: You are a possessed decaying corpse with vacant, unblinking eyes and saliva-coated maw; any fool could tell that you are undead. You seem to be missing a right arm. In terms of fashion, you are wearing some decaying farm garments. At least the spectacles add an air of academic respectability.
action: Drool on tomato
response: You cover the spoiled tomato with wet saliva. It evaporates.
action: Smell the tomato
response: You smell nothing unexpected.
You return to your normal size. It feels good to be normal size again.
action: Wollip X
response: evah yam taht cirbaf fo tib niht-repap ,yerg A
.efil remrof sti ni wollip a neeb
action: Yek pord
response: .depporD
action: Kool
response: on htiw moordeb gnilfits ,elbatrofmocnu nA
ot hguone egral ylerab si moor ehT .swodniw
fo pmul ekil-deb yleugav eht etadommocca
,llat A .moor eht fo elddim eht ni erutinruf
degdew si doow krad ni demarf rorrim cissalc
stcelfer rorrim ehT .llaw eht dna deb eht neewteb
nepo na ,tixe ylno ehT .moor eht ni enecs eht
ot kcab sdael dna ,tsae eht ot seil ,rood depraw
.moor tnorf eht

a si hcihw no) deb a dna yek yrovi na ees nac uoY
.ereh (wollip
action: Rrorim retne
response: .gniht hcus yna ees t'nac uoY
action: Rorrim retne
response: As you pass through the mirror, you have the sensation of brushing past someone like you in every respect.
action: You look
response: An uncomfortable, stifling bedroom with no windows. The room is barely large enough to accommodate the vaguely bed-like lump of furniture in the middle of the room. A tall, classic mirror framed in dark wood is wedged between the bed and the wall. The mirror reflects the scene in the room. The only exit, an open warped door, lies to the east, and leads back to the front room.

You can see an ivory key and a bed (on which is a pillow) here.
action: You put Ivory Key in the keyhole
response: A strange sounds builds and builds, like someone running a set of metal keys slowly up and down the strings of a harp. Slowly, your surroundings fade.

You are standing on the command deck of a starship.

A large viewing screen shows a planet, with patches of blue ocean and land peeking through the cloud cover.

Congratulations, you have completed the introduction to "Nine-tenths of the Law"!

The continuation will be released in 2009.