Peeling Lucky
by Peregrine Wade (2017)
Genres: Fantasy
Fairy tale

You are Snow White. There's a potato peeler, some diamonds, and an utterly evil witch with a bright red apple. What do you want to do?

action: %
response: Once upon a time...

This is a kitchen specifically designed for seven dwarfs (or dwarves, as the pedants would put it). Hence, the ceiling is somewhat low, and everything is kind of old and rusty. Even the table looks rusty, despite being made of wood. The hallway is to the north and the living room to the south.

On the table are a potato peeler (empty) and some diamonds.
action: About yourself
response: You're Snow White, in case you were wondering. And no, you don't bite people or try to drink their blood, whatever Miss Short may claim.
action: You look at the peeler
response: It's a funner operated by a crank. You put a potato inside, turn the crank, and the potato comes out at the other end, magically peeled.
action: You examine the diamonds
response: The dwarves (or dwarfs) spend their days hard at work mining this stuff, but then they just leave it hanging around the place and never sell it. Go figure.
action: You take diamonds
response: Taken.
action: You turn the Crank
response: Crank: turned. Good job.
action: You put the diamonds in the peeler
response: You put the diamonds into the potato peeler.
action: You look in the peeler
response: The potato peeler is empty.
action: You examine the diamonds
response: These diamonds look slightly scratched now. That potato peeler, no doubt.
action: You look at your surroundings
response: This is a kitchen specifically designed for seven dwarfs (or dwarves, as the pedants would put it). Hence, the ceiling is somewhat low, and everything is kind of old and rusty. Even the table looks rusty, despite being made of wood. The hallway is to the north and the living room to the south.

On the table is a potato peeler (empty).
action: You examine table
response: On the table is a potato peeler (empty).
action: You take the peeler
response: That's far too heavy a contraption to carry around. You'd rather not drop it on your foot, lest the pain be inconvenient.
action: Go south
response: You can still hear the sound of drunken dwarves (or dwarven drunks) snoring solemnly from within the confines of the living room. Best not to bother them now.
action: Go north
response: There is no door to the north, because in Airy Fairy Dairy Tralalala Forest the sun always shines -- even at midnight, which is somewhat inconvenient, but never mind. The kitchen lies to the south.

An utterly evil witch is waiting for you, patiently holding out a bright red apple. Her arm looks stiff from all that waiting, as far as you can judge from the irritated and bored expression on her ugly face.

The witch tries to grab the diamonds, but your reflexes are too fast for her.
action: You examine the witch
response: She looks somewhat malevolent, albeit a tad bored. In her hand is an apple.

The witch appears to have a fixation upon those diamonds of yours.
action: You look at apple
response: You see nothing special about the apple.

The witch is now staring at the diamonds that you carry around so boldly upon your person.
action: You ask the witch about the apple
response: You can only do that to something animate.
action: Attack witch
response: Violence. Tut, tut, tut.

The witch tries to grab the diamonds, but your reflexes are too fast for her.
action: You go to the south
response: This is a kitchen specifically designed for seven dwarfs (or dwarves, as the pedants would put it). Hence, the ceiling is somewhat low, and everything is kind of old and rusty. Even the table looks rusty, despite being made of wood. The hallway is to the north and the living room to the south.

On the table is a potato peeler (empty).

The utterly evil witch arrives from the north.
action: You take the apple
response: You reach out tentatively. "At last!" the witch cackles with relief. "Any longer and I would have been late for my breakfast!" She gives you the apple and vanishes in a puff of black smoke. The birds stop singing for a moment, allowing some invisible musician to play on his strident organ with notes of doom.
action: You put the diamonds in the peeler
response: You put the diamonds into the potato peeler.

The witch tries to grab the diamonds, and you swiftly push her into the potato peeler. Despite all her efforts, she remains stuck inside it. "Damn you, Snow White!" she curses.

The witch wiggles and shakes her fist angrily, but remains resolutely stuck inside the potato peeler.
action: You turn the Crank
response: There is a gruesome sound as you promptly perform both magicide and regicide in one turn of the crank. The witch being no more, you become the rightful Queen of Lalaland, and reign for many years.
Crank: turned. Good job.
action: Go north
response: There is no door to the north, because in Airy Fairy Dairy Tralalala Forest the sun always shines -- even at midnight, which is somewhat inconvenient, but never mind. The kitchen lies to the south.

An utterly evil witch is waiting for you, patiently holding out a bright red apple. Her arm looks stiff from all that waiting, as far as you can judge from the irritated and bored expression on her ugly face.
action: You eat the apple
response: You bite into it. Alas, it is poisoned. You drop down and fall into a coma, from which you are awakened by an ugly prince with boils on his nose. You take the nearest axe and bean him over the head: serves him right for sexual harassment.
action: You go to the south
response: This is a kitchen specifically designed for seven dwarfs (or dwarves, as the pedants would put it). Hence, the ceiling is somewhat low, and everything is kind of old and rusty. Even the table looks rusty, despite being made of wood. The hallway is to the north and the living room to the south.

On the table are a potato peeler (empty) and some diamonds.
action: You put the apple in the peeler
response: You put the apple into the potato peeler.
action: You turn the Crank
response: Crank: turned. Good job.
action: You examine apple
response: It's been peeled. Yay.
action: You eat the apple
response: You bite into it. Tasty, and without the slightest trace of poison in it.
action: Xyzzy
response: You utter the magic word. The fabric of reality transmutates into cosmic doughnuts, celestial waffles and baffled Canadians. You hear a mystic voice mutter, "150. That is the answer. Not 42, you brainless numbskulls."

And then all returns to normal once more. Whew.
action: Yes
response: cheapglulxe quit with exit status: 0
action: You take the table
response: That's hardly portable.
action: Go north
response: There is no door to the north, because in Airy Fairy Dairy Tralalala Forest the sun always shines -- even at midnight, which is somewhat inconvenient, but never mind. The kitchen lies to the south.

An utterly evil witch is waiting for you, patiently holding out a bright red apple. Her arm looks stiff from all that waiting, as far as you can judge from the irritated and bored expression on her ugly face.
action: You go north
response: You walk off into the woods, alone, and meet a werewolf, a woodcutter and a wailing woman walking on water. The rest of the story is somewhat complicated, and also alliterative.
action: You hit witch
response: Violence. Tut, tut, tut.
action: You go south
response: This is a kitchen specifically designed for seven dwarfs (or dwarves, as the pedants would put it). Hence, the ceiling is somewhat low, and everything is kind of old and rusty. Even the table looks rusty, despite being made of wood. The hallway is to the north and the living room to the south.

On the table are a potato peeler (empty) and some diamonds.

The utterly evil witch arrives from the north.
action: You look at the ceiling
response: It's above your head.
action: You hit the ceiling
response: A single blow is enough to send it crashing down on top of you. Some time later, you emerge from the debris, your lovely dress all ruined. You figure this is a great way to fake your death, so you promptly leave the forest and become a pirate on the high seas. The evil Queen is none the wiser.
action: You eat the diamonds
response: What you'd simply kill for is an apple. A nice, red, juicy apple.
action: You check your inventory
response: You are carrying:
some diamonds
action: You examine table
response: On the table are an apple and a potato peeler (empty).

> GET APPLE

Taken.
action: You check what you're carrying
response: You are carrying:
an apple
some diamonds
action: You examine apple
response: It's been peeled. Yay.
action: You take the Crank
response: That seems to be a part of the potato peeler.

> PUT SELF IN PEELER

(first taking yourself)
You are always self-possessed.
action: You enter the PEELER
response: That's not something you can enter.

> THROW SELF IN PEELER

(first taking yourself)
You are always self-possessed.
action: You examine the potato
response: It's a funner operated by a crank. You put a potato inside, turn the crank, and the potato comes out at the other end, magically peeled.