The Wedding
by Neil James Brown (1996)
Genres: Mystery
Slice of life

What should have been a simple task, watching your old flatmate Malcolm get married, becomes an awful lot more complicated when it transpires that Malcolm has disappeared mere hours before the service. You are called in by one of the bride's aunts to sort out the problem. But how can you help? Perhaps the answer to the problem lies somewhere within D'Arcy manor, the bride's family home. The odd characters within may be able to help you. First things first, though - how do you get past the nasty security guard?

action: %
response: "You are cordially invited to the wedding of Deborah and Malcolm at St Jude's Church, Westlowe at 2.30pm." And, scrawled in the corner in what looks like your ex-flatmate Malcolm's handwriting: "Don't forget the paracetamol!"

So far so bad. You're no lover of weddings with egotistical aunts and uncles and squealing, hyperactive kids, but you were prepared to put up with it to see your old college chum get hitched. Now, though, things have taken a turn for the worse with a phone call from a posh sounding woman. "I understand you're a friend of Malcolm's" stated the voice on the phone. "You must come over here at once, and try to sort out this mess...". So that's why you find yourself tearing down the motorway towards Westlowe and the mysterious D'Arcy manor...



Standard interpreter 1.0

You stand to the south of D'Arcy manor, a building which looks like it's straight out of a low budget Bronte TV adaptation. A few modern touches help tie it to the late twentieth century, such as the burglar alarm next to the elegant stone carving of a Shakespearian-looking man above the main entrance. Immediately in front of the house is a gravel drive which acts as a car park, and a small road leads off to the south towards the main road. A slabbed path runs around both sides (east and west) of the house.

You can see a security guard here.
action: You look around
response: You stand to the south of D'Arcy manor, a building which looks like it's straight out of a low budget Bronte TV adaptation. A few modern touches help tie it to the late twentieth century, such as the burglar alarm next to the elegant stone carving of a Shakespearian-looking man above the main entrance. Immediately in front of the house is a gravel drive which acts as a car park, and a small road leads off to the south towards the main road. A slabbed path runs around both sides (east and west) of the house.

You can see a security guard here.
action: About yourself
response: As good-looking as ever.
action: You examine the guard
response: Gone are the charming doormen of yesteryear, to be replaced by nasty-looking guards from private security firms. This chappy is no different, in his stark navy blue uniform and peaked cap. He seems to have taken a particular dislike to you, though, and watches you carefully, a sneer on his face.
action: Go south
response: That way only leads out of the estate, and you've still got a lot of interfering to do yet.
action: You go to the north
response: "Oi! Where do you think you're going?" The guard takes great delight in rugby-tackling you to the floor and dragging you back out onto the pebbled car park. "Authoria... Authiroz... authorthised... proper people only!". You've probably just made his day.
action: You tell the guard about your name
response: He stares at you but doesn't say anything.

Sunshine momentarily bursts out through the grey cloud cover.
action: You ask the guard about Malcolm
response: The guard affects a curiously blank expression.
action: You examine the alarm
response: From here, all you can see is a white box with the name of a security company on it. A blue light flickers intermittently on its side, suggesting that it is active.
action: You read the alarm
response: From here, all you can see is a white box with the name of a security company on it. A blue light flickers intermittently on its side, suggesting that it is active.

Sunshine momentarily bursts out through the grey cloud cover.
action: You go east
response: You make your way around the eastern side of the house, and find yourself at...

A grand patio made from powder-orange slabs links the back of the house, which is to your south, with a beautiful garden to the north, beyond a gate. You look up at the house, and see a number of unrecognisable people pacing about at various windows. A grey-slabbed path runs around both sides of the house back to the front.

The gate to the north is closed.

The grey sky overhead turns a little darker, threatening rain.
action: You examine the garden
response: A simple and elegant gate, leading north to the gardens. It is currently closed.
action: You open gate
response: You open the garden gate.

The grey sky overhead turns a little darker, threatening rain.
action: Go north
response: A simple pathway, immaculately tiled, leads north. Flower beds surround you, beautifully arranged, in every colour of the rainbow, and to the north east you can see a great apple tree.

The gate to the south is open.

By the side of the path, among the flowers, is a dark patch of earth.
action: You look at the patch
response: It looks as if someone has recently dug and filled in a hole.
action: You dig patch
response: What do you want to dig the dark patch of earth with?
action: You go northeast
response: The flowers are so pretty that it would be a shame to just trample all over them.

You can feel a few spots of rain on your face.
action: Go north
response: The path from the south ends at a large crazy golf course, separated into several smaller sections, which all have crazy obstacle courses for players to putt their golf balls through in order to get to the hole. Flowerbeds are positioned dangerously close to the crazy course to the west, and a hedge blocks your progress north. You can see a tree (the only one in the garden, it seems) to the east.
action: Go east
response: You are at the north-east corner of the garden, marked by thick impenetrable hedges to the north and east, and a delicate flowerbed lies south. A single apple tree stands here; its trunk looks fragile, and splits prematurely into smaller branches at waist level.
action: You climb the tree
response: The tree is too weak to climb.
action: Shake tree
response: You shake the tree, and something comes crashing down through the branches, hits you on the head, and lands on the grass. Isn't gravity the pits?
action: Look around
response: You are at the north-east corner of the garden, marked by thick impenetrable hedges to the north and east, and a delicate flowerbed lies south. A single apple tree stands here; its trunk looks fragile, and splits prematurely into smaller branches at waist level.

You can see a cooking apple here.

The grey sky overhead turns a little darker, threatening rain.
action: You take the apple
response: Taken.
action: You look at it
response: A small, heavy and unappetising cooking apple.
action: Go south
response: The gate to the south is open.

By the side of the path, among the flowers, is a dark patch of earth.
action: Go south
response: The gate to the north is open.

You can feel a few spots of rain on your face.
action: You throw the apple at the window
response: Which do you mean, the attic window vent or the bathroom window?
action: You look at the vent
response: A tiny window which, you presume, allows only a minimal amount of light into the attic. Its certainly not big enough for any person to get through, should they lose their keys and find that that is the only window open. As you watch, you suddenly glimpse a flicker of movement, but it might just be your eyes playing tricks on you.
action: You examine the bathroom window
response: You can't really see much through the large frosted glass window, but there certainly isn't any movement.

A sudden gust of wind ruffles your hair.
action: You throw the apple at the bathroom window
response: You throw the apple at the bathroom window, and it hits its target with pinpoint accuracy, smashing a hole through the glass. The burglar alarm screams into action, and the poor chap who was in there at the time, probably trying to hide from the other guests, pops up at the window and stares down at you. "Stop! Burglar!" he yells, not considering the fact that it would be extremely stupid of a real burglar to smash an upstairs window when two whole families were in the manor.

That doesn't really matter now, because the security guard, having heard the yelling, charges round from the front of the building and grabs you virtually from the scruff of the neck. "Right, you, you're nicked!" he bellows triumphantly.

Soon, the police arrive, and you are carted off to the station to explain yourself. By the time Malcolm arrives to bail you out, it is too late to save the wedding - it has been called off permanently.

Some would say that this is a victory, but alas, as far as this game is concerned...
action: You throw the apple at the vent
response: You throw the apple at the small window vent, and grin with pride to see it hit its target perfectly and shatter the glass. Suddenly, the burglar alarm screams out, and the sounds of general panic can be heard from inside. Spookily, though, no one looks out at you from the windows, and the security guard does not appear.

Strange, really, as you could have sworn you saw movement behind the vent. You'd have thought the person up there would have given the game away.

As for the apple, well, it looks like you won't get to enjoy that tangy fruit flavour after all.

Sunshine momentarily bursts out through the grey cloud cover.

You can hear an alarm screeching.
action: You go east
response: You make your way around the eastern side of the house, and find yourself at...

You can hear an alarm screeching.
action: You go north
response: The grand entrance hall of D'Arcy manor evokes a twinge of jealousy within you - the grand wooden polished floors and staircase, the expensive chandelier hanging from the high ceiling, the priceless Compton painting hanging on a wall. Why can't you inherit something like this? Leaving aside feelings of bitterness, you observe a cupboard under the stairs and a bell on a table near the door to the south. Doorways (which are probably more expensive than your entire house) lead off to the east and west, and a passageway lies north.

The mother of the bride stands in a corner fretting away to herself as only hysterical mothers can.

An alarm screeches from somewhere outside the house.
action: You examine the bell
response: It is a simple push bell painted gold.

An alarm screeches from somewhere outside the house.
action: You tell the mother about yourself
response: She appears not to have heard you, though you can't shake the feeling that she considers you too lowly a person to grace with an answer.

An alarm screeches from somewhere outside the house.

You can hear the security guard moving about close by...
action: You open the cupboard
response: It seems to be locked.

An alarm screeches from somewhere outside the house.

You can hear the security guard moving about close by...
action: Go north
response: Here at the heart of the manor is an oak passageway with doorways leading to most rooms on the ground floor. You can see the great dining hall to the north, and a brass sign above the doorway to the northeast states "Kitchen", but the east and southwest exits hold no clues as to where they lead. The entrance hall is off to the south, and a sturdy door stands in the western wall.

Scamp, the family dog, sits and whines, his lead tied to a door handle.

A simple polished table lies in the southeast corner.

An alarm screeches from somewhere outside the house.

You can hear the security guard moving about close by...
action: You untie the dog
response: You release Scamp and he shows his appreciation by leaping up at you and licking your face. You quickly rise from crouching, not really liking the idea of dog saliva on your cheeks, and Scamp quickly loses interest in you.

An alarm screeches from somewhere outside the house.

By the sound of it, the security guard is getting closer...
action: You go to the north
response: This vast room is presumably where the D'Arcy clan eat their meals; it reminds you too much of your old school dinner hall for you to feel entirely comfortable here. A large sturdy table sits in the centre of the room, surrounded by ten carefully-crafted chairs, and a set of antique jugs rest on stools in a small alcove in the west wall. The walls are covered in paintings which look impressive until you examine them closely and see that they are certainly not in the league of the great masters. The back garden is accessible via a door to the north, a corridor leads south, and the kitchen is through the swing doors to the east.

Good old Uncle Albert stands nearby with a glass of brandy in one hand.

An alarm screeches from somewhere outside the house.

By the sound of it, the security guard is getting closer...
action: You ask Albert about the wedding
response: "Damn nuisance, eh? Still, I might get a chance to nip out for a game of crazy golf later."

An alarm screeches from somewhere outside the house.

The security guard marches neatly up to you and seizes you by the collar. "The alarm might have been playing up," he says, "but at least I've found myself another intruder!" To your great relief, he doesn't beat you up or call the police, but rather ejects you out onto the car park. "And don't try to sneak back in, understood?"

You can see a security guard here.
action: Go north
response: You can't, since the hall door is in the way.

An alarm screeches from somewhere outside the house.

The security guard marches neatly up to you and seizes you by the collar. "The alarm might have been playing up," he says, "but at least I've found myself another intruder!" To your great relief, he doesn't beat you up or call the police, but rather ejects you out onto the car park. "And don't try to sneak back in, understood?"

You can see a security guard here.
action: You open the hall door
response: It seems to be locked.

An alarm screeches from somewhere outside the house.

The security guard marches neatly up to you and seizes you by the collar. "The alarm might have been playing up," he says, "but at least I've found myself another intruder!" To your great relief, he doesn't beat you up or call the police, but rather ejects you out onto the car park. "And don't try to sneak back in, understood?"

You can see a security guard here.

You seem to want to talk to someone, but I can't see whom.
action: You throw the apple at the vent
response: You throw the apple at the small window vent, and grin with pride to see it hit its target perfectly and shatter the glass. Suddenly, the burglar alarm screams out, and the sounds of general panic can be heard from inside. Spookily, though, no one looks out at you from the windows, and the security guard does not appear.

Strange, really, as you could have sworn you saw movement behind the vent. You'd have thought the person up there would have given the game away.

As for the apple, well, it looks like you won't get to enjoy that tangy fruit flavour after all.

You can hear an alarm screeching.
action: Go east
response: You make your way around the eastern side of the house, and find yourself at...

You can feel a few spots of rain on your face.

You can hear an alarm screeching.
action: You go to the north
response: Here at the heart of the manor is an oak passageway with doorways leading to most rooms on the ground floor. You can see the great dining hall to the north, and a brass sign above the doorway to the northeast states "Kitchen", but the east and southwest exits hold no clues as to where they lead. The entrance hall is off to the south, and a sturdy door stands in the western wall.

Scamp, the family dog, sits and whines, his lead tied to a door handle.

A simple polished table lies in the southeast corner.

An alarm screeches from somewhere outside the house.
action: You go to the north
response: This vast room is presumably where the D'Arcy clan eat their meals; it reminds you too much of your old school dinner hall for you to feel entirely comfortable here. A large sturdy table sits in the centre of the room, surrounded by ten carefully-crafted chairs, and a set of antique jugs rest on stools in a small alcove in the west wall. The walls are covered in paintings which look impressive until you examine them closely and see that they are certainly not in the league of the great masters. The back garden is accessible via a door to the north, a corridor leads south, and the kitchen is through the swing doors to the east.

Good old Uncle Albert stands nearby with a glass of brandy in one hand.

An alarm screeches from somewhere outside the house.
action: You unlock the hall door
response: What do you want to unlock the hall door with?
action: You examine the hall door
response: A door connecting the patio outside with the dining hall inside.

An alarm screeches from somewhere outside the house.
action: Go east
response: The kitchen staff are hard at work on the meal for the reception, and from their progress so far, you'd say that they are making enough food to keep the Royal family well fed for a good few months. To the west, a swing-door leads into the dining hall, and the main exit is to the southwest. A pantry lies to the south.

A pompous and temperamental chef stands around shouting at the staff and chopping things up.

An alarm screeches from somewhere outside the house.
action: You go south
response: Should Luxembourg ever suffer a famine, they need only raid this pantry to ensure that their citizens don't starve. The fruit, vegetables, meat, ingredients and drinks are all stored using technology that would put Nasa's space programme to shame. There is a tradesman's entrance to the east, but the main exit is to the north.

A wedding programme lies unloved on the floor.

An alarm screeches from somewhere outside the house.
action: Go east
response: The door won't open.

An alarm screeches from somewhere outside the house.
action: You get the programme
response: Taken.

An alarm screeches from somewhere outside the house.
action: You read it
response: This is the first draft of the wedding programme, which has since been chopped down and simplified. It contains details of all the involved parties and the guests, and was probably deemed unsuitable for fear of libel charges being brought against the authors. You'd need to consult it in more detail to find out about the people involved.

An alarm screeches from somewhere outside the house.

You can hear the security guard moving about close by...
action: You look up ALBERT in the programme
response: "ALBERT HARDCASTLE, uncle of the groom, is a famous sociologist and keen golfer. He wishes his brother would join the twentieth century and stop fussing so much over female vicars."

An alarm screeches from somewhere outside the house.

You can hear the security guard moving about close by...
action: You look around
response: Should Luxembourg ever suffer a famine, they need only raid this pantry to ensure that their citizens don't starve. The fruit, vegetables, meat, ingredients and drinks are all stored using technology that would put Nasa's space programme to shame. There is a tradesman's entrance to the east, but the main exit is to the north.

An alarm screeches from somewhere outside the house.
action: You go north
response: A pompous and temperamental chef stands around shouting at the staff and chopping things up.

An alarm screeches from somewhere outside the house.

The burglar alarm suddenly stops, and the silence momentarily hurts your ears. It must mean something to have avoided capture by that guard for this length of time.
action: You look up Malcolm in the programme
response: "MALCOLM HARDCASTLE, bridegroom. Born to Marjorie and Edward at St Gollics Cottage Hospital in 1969, Malcolm's original ambition was to be a professional footballer, but common sense got the better of him, and he went to Hedgeford University where he gained a degree in Environmental Studies. He now works at the Westlowe Council planning department, which doesn't pay enough to keep Deborah in the style to which she has become accustomed, but Deborah says that she's willing to forsake the odd tub of caviar in order to be with Malcolm."
action: You look up chef in the programme
response: Nothing in the programme about that.
action: You look up yourself in programme
response: You are disturbed to discover an extremely detailed account of your entire life history, from a giggling drooling baby to the fine adult you are today. All of your dark secrets are here for everyone and their dog to read, including a few that you'd forgotten yourself. Your mind drifts to libel proceedings, until you realise that this version of the programme was abandoned for that very reason.
action: You look up Deborah in the programme
response: "DEBORAH D'ARCY, bride. Born in 1971, Deborah was wrapped in so much cotton wool by her parents Sheryl and Jerry while growing up that many people thought she wouldn't recognise the real world if it crashed through her bedroom ceiling. But Deborah somehow managed to turn out as a charming, realistic and down-to-earth young lady, which has only fuelled rumours that she must have been adopted. Deborah met her future to-be husband after crashing her car into his on a cold winters morning."
action: You look up Marjorie in the programme
response: "EDWARD & MARJORIE HARDCASTLE, parents of the groom. Edward is a successful businessman, and Marjorie presents the local news bulletins on regional television. In their spare time, they like synchronised embroidery-making and tennis."
action: You look up Sheryl in programme
response: "SHERYL & JERRY D'ARCY, extremely rich parents of the bride. Originally using Jerry's surname Franklyn, they changed to Sheryl's maiden name when she inherited the impressive D'Arcy manor off her eccentric uncle. They won most of their great wealth a week later on the National Lottery. Fortune has smiled on them rather a lot lately."
action: Look around
response: The kitchen staff are hard at work on the meal for the reception, and from their progress so far, you'd say that they are making enough food to keep the Royal family well fed for a good few months. To the west, a swing-door leads into the dining hall, and the main exit is to the southwest. A pantry lies to the south.

A pompous and temperamental chef stands around shouting at the staff and chopping things up.
action: Go west
response: Good old Uncle Albert stands nearby with a glass of brandy in one hand.
action: You ask Albert about the wedding
response: "Damn nuisance, eh? Still, I might get a chance to nip out for a game of crazy golf later."
action: You ask Albert about Malcolm
response: "Goodness knows where the dashed young chap has got to. He's not one to flee like this, that's all I can say."
action: Look around
response: This vast room is presumably where the D'Arcy clan eat their meals; it reminds you too much of your old school dinner hall for you to feel entirely comfortable here. A large sturdy table sits in the centre of the room, surrounded by ten carefully-crafted chairs, and a set of antique jugs rest on stools in a small alcove in the west wall. The walls are covered in paintings which look impressive until you examine them closely and see that they are certainly not in the league of the great masters. The back garden is accessible via a door to the north, a corridor leads south, and the kitchen is through the swing doors to the east.

Good old Uncle Albert stands nearby with a glass of brandy in one hand.
action: You ask Albert about the golf
response: "I'd love to have a game, but these doors out to the gardens are locked, I'm afraid."
action: Go south
response: Here at the heart of the manor is an oak passageway with doorways leading to most rooms on the ground floor. You can see the great dining hall to the north, and a brass sign above the doorway to the northeast states "Kitchen", but the east and southwest exits hold no clues as to where they lead. The entrance hall is off to the south, and a sturdy door stands in the western wall.

Scamp, the family dog, sits and whines, his lead tied to a door handle.

A simple polished table lies in the southeast corner.
action: Go southwest
response: You are in a glorious oak-panelled room, with a large fireplace to one side. This is where the family relaxes, assuming that such a monstrous family relaxes at all. An antique-style telephone rests on the mantelpiece, and a large hi-tech widescreen television sits on a video recorder in the corner. From here, you observe exits to the east and northeast.

A young woman called Chloe sits nearby reading a book.
action: You ask Chloe about the wedding
response: "I get dragged all this way against my will to some poxy wedding, and the groom legs it before the ceremony. Typical!"
action: You look up Chloe in the programme
response: "CHLOE FRANKLYN, cousin to the bride. She was originally offered the role of bridesmaid, but declined on the grounds that she wouldn't be able to wear her Doc Martens. Chloe is a bit of a 'goth' which basically means that she dresses like someone out of The Addams Family. She is a science fiction fanatic and particularly enjoys the show 'Battlebase'."
action: You ask Chloe about the battlebase
response: "Best programme on television. You a fan then?"
action: Yes
response: Chloe takes her feet off the table and sits up. "Okay then," she says, "prove it. Name one of the three student officers who join the Caradeen in 'New Intake'."
action: You say david
response: (to Chloe)
"Ha, I knew it," she says triumphantly. "You're just lying so you can creep to me. Well it won't work." You take it from her reply that your answer was wrong.
action: You examine the video recorder
response: A slim, sleek model with a slot for cassettes and the buttons REW, PLAY, FF, STOP and EJECT underneath.

The video recorder is currently switched off.
action: You switch recorder on
response: You switch the video recorder on.
action: You press the PLAY on the recorder
response: With a lot of effort, the video recorder wakes up and starts playing the tape.

The video recorder emits a series of clicking noises, then starts to rewind.

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
action: Wait
response: You wait for a moment.

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
action: You ask Chloe about the docs
response: The woman doesn't respond. She seems to think it's trendy to be ignorant.

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
action: You ask Chloe about Malcolm
response: For the briefest moment, her face lights up. "Yeah, he's a bit of all right is Malcolm." Then she realises what she is doing, and quickly wears her 'couldn't care less' expression.

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
action: Examine tv
response: The television is large, with a wide screen and large speakers at either side. You can see a power switch but not the means to change channels - maybe that is done with a remote control.

The television is currently switched off.

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
action: You turn on the tv
response: Chloe tuts, clearly unhappy that you're disturbing her reading.

You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "I hate you! You've ruined my life!" screams a teenager, before slamming a door.

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
action: You ask Chloe about Deborah
response: Chloe glares at you and the television, then gets back to her book.

You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "Carole," says a young woman, "my parents are leaving town, so can you adopt me?" "Yeah, sure," replies Carole.

With a <clunk!>, the video recorder stops rewinding the tape.
action: You press PLAY
response: [ Try PRESS <button> ON VIDEO RECORDER. ]

You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "I'm going to make it in the sheep farming business!" says a young woman firmly. "You see if I don't!"
action: You press the PLAY on video recorder
response: I only understood you as far as wanting to switch the television.

With a lot of effort, the video recorder wakes up and starts playing the tape.

You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "Carole," says a young woman, "my parents are leaving town, so can you adopt me?" "Yeah, sure," replies Carole.
action: You press stop on the video recorder
response: The video recorder whirrs slightly as the tape stops playing.

You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "I'm going to make it in the sheep farming business!" says a young woman firmly. "You see if I don't!"
action: Examine tv
response: The television is large, with a wide screen and large speakers at either side. You can see a power switch but not the means to change channels - maybe that is done with a remote control.

The television is currently switched on.

You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "I trusted you!" whimpers a teenage girl. "And you cheated on me!"
action: You ask Chloe about the remote
response: Chloe glares at you and the television, then gets back to her book.

You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "It's Bob!" a distraught man says. "He's been involved in some sort of accident!" "What, again?" an unimpressed woman asks.
action: You turn off the tv
response: "Hurrah," says Chloe in an exaggerated manner.
action: Examine book
response: The cover depicts a seaside pier in silouette, with a disproportionately large full moon behind it. "The Vampire Brood of Bognor Regis" reads the title, "by the acclaimed author Floella Witt".
action: You ask Chloe about the book
response: "It's 'The Vampire Brood of Bognor Regis' by Floella Witt."

The video recorder emits a series of clicking noises, then starts to rewind.
action: You describe your surroundings
response: You are in a glorious oak-panelled room, with a large fireplace to one side. This is where the family relaxes, assuming that such a monstrous family relaxes at all. An antique-style telephone rests on the mantelpiece, and a large hi-tech widescreen television sits on a video recorder in the corner. From here, you observe exits to the east and northeast.

A young woman called Chloe sits nearby reading a book.

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
action: Switch tv
response: Chloe tuts, clearly unhappy that you're disturbing her reading.

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.

You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "I trusted you!" whimpers a teenage girl. "And you cheated on me!"
action: You examine the fireplace
response: Possibly redundant, what with the invention of central heating, but it must be nice to have a large roaring fire going on cold winter nights.

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.

You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "I'm going to make it in the sheep farming business!" says a young woman firmly. "You see if I don't!"
action: You examine phone
response: The telephone is gold plated, and shaped like a cumbersome old-fashioned model, except for a keypad where the dial should go.

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.

You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "I hate you! You've ruined my life!" screams a teenager, before slamming a door.
action: Switch tv
response: That's already on.

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.

You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "Sheila, fancy coming back to my place for a six pack?" asks a naive young man.
action: You ask Chloe about the programme
response: Chloe glares at you and the television, then gets back to her book.

With a <clunk!>, the video recorder stops rewinding the tape.

You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "I trusted you!" whimpers a teenage girl. "And you cheated on me!"
action: Go east
response: The grand entrance hall of D'Arcy manor evokes a twinge of jealousy within you - the grand wooden polished floors and staircase, the expensive chandelier hanging from the high ceiling, the priceless Compton painting hanging on a wall. Why can't you inherit something like this? Leaving aside feelings of bitterness, you observe a cupboard under the stairs and a bell on a table near the door to the south. Doorways (which are probably more expensive than your entire house) lead off to the east and west, and a passageway lies north.

The mother of the bride stands in a corner fretting away to herself as only hysterical mothers can.
action: You ask the mother about the wedding
response: "It's all gone to pot," she wails. "Oh my oh my! My poor dear daughter, whatever will she do!" She then mumbles something else which you don't quite catch.
action: You go to the east
response: This room has the air of a gentleman's private study area, though recently it appears to have been taken over by the lady of the house (that is, Sheryl D'Arcy). A hardboard set of shelves against one wall looks completely out of place amid the antique furniture and the gorgeous circular shaped painting on the ceiling. Embroidery rests on a pouffe to one side, and several packs of wool tower alongside the shelves. The front entrance is out to the west, and there is another room to the north.

Barbara, an aunt of the bride, sits on an armchair with her legs crossed and her hands interlocked.
action: You look up Barbara in the programme
response: "BARBARA FRANKLYN, Aunt of the bride, and mother to Chloe. Barbara is a moderately successful artist and sculptor, and has won numerous awards. She brought up Chloe singlehandedly, refusing to name Chloe's father."
action: You ask Barbara about Chloe
response: Barbara notices you for the first time, having been in deep thought. "You must be Malcolm's friend," she says in the voice you recognise as being the one at the other end of the phone. "I can't really tell you anything, but you must make sure that Malcolm and Deborah get married today." She produces a key from her jacket pocket and places it on a table. "That might come in handy. I don't know what it opens; I just took it from the key holder at the entrance."

Barbara leans back in her chair and lets her mind drift off to other things.
action: You take the key
response: Taken.
action: You examine the key
response: It is small and unremarkable.
action: You ask Barbara about Malcolm
response: She leans forward and places a hand on your arm to stress her point. "You must ensure that Deborah and Malcolm are married today. I can't tell you any more than that." You ask why not, but Barbara gives you a mysterious look and settles back into her chair.
action: You ask Barbara about the house
response: "I'm sorry," she says. "I'm afraid I know little about that."
action: You examine the embroidery
response: The painstakingly detailed image, made of small strands of thread, portrays a woman zapping a man with her laser-beam eyes.
action: You move the embroidery
response: Nothing obvious happens.
action: You take it
response: Reaching for the embroidery, you are suddenly overcome with memories of the vicious needlework teacher at school who humiliated you in front of the entire class for making a mistake with the tea cosy you were attempting. You quickly pull your hand back.
action: Go north
response: Everything in this room looks as if it has taken many weeks to carve, with the exception of dodgy book covers protecting some of the awful literature stored here. A vast array of books lie on the two huge shelves, ranging from the ancient to the modern. The curtains are closed, so for light you are reliant on the lamps which are quite attractive mock-ups of candles in candlesticks. An oak table sits in the centre of the room, a grand throne-like chair beside it, for anyone feeling particularly studious. A room lies to the south, and a corridor is out to the west.
action: Examine books
response: The two shelves between them span the entire length of the room, and go from the floor to the ceiling. The books don't appear to be in any order, and it would be too daunting to try to find anything specific if not for an index someone has had the presence of mind to compile. It is a small box with a number of cards inside, and you must look up particular titles individually.
action: You look up Battlebase in the index
response: The Battlebase Episode Guide is two books out of place, suggesting that someone has recently had a look at it. The cover has been coated in plastic and feels nice and smooth to your hands.
action: You read the episode guide
response: This book contains all you should ever want to know about the sci-fi show Battlebase (and probably a few hundred pages more). You will have to consult the book in more detail for specific items.
action: You take the episode guide
response: You already have that.
action: You go west
response: You are in a glorious oak-panelled room, with a large fireplace to one side. This is where the family relaxes, assuming that such a monstrous family relaxes at all. An antique-style telephone rests on the mantelpiece, and a large hi-tech widescreen television sits on a video recorder in the corner. From here, you observe exits to the east and northeast.

A young woman called Chloe sits nearby reading a book.

You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "Carole," says a young woman, "my parents are leaving town, so can you adopt me?" "Yeah, sure," replies Carole.
action: You look up the new INTAKE in Guide
response: "C8: NEW INTAKE by Jon Lee Smarbwin. Three student officers - Lennox, Ciccone and Estefan - join the Caradeen after passing all their theory exams. As part of their on-going studies, they are deposited on a planet surface and must find their way to a waiting dropship. Unfortunately, the enemy choose this time to attack the Caradeen and the planet, and the students find themselves fighting for their lives."

You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "Coor blimey guv'nor, how's about a nice cup o' rosey lee?" says the scriptwriter's idea of an Englishman.
action: You ask Chloe about Battlebase
response: Chloe glares at you and the television, then gets back to her book.

You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "It's Bob!" a distraught man says. "He's been involved in some sort of accident!" "What, again?" an unimpressed woman asks.
action: Switch television
response: That's already on.

You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "Sheila, fancy coming back to my place for a six pack?" asks a naive young man.
action: You switch the television off
response: "Hurrah," says Chloe in an exaggerated manner.
action: You ask Chloe about Battlebase
response: "Best programme on television. You a fan then?"
action: You say yes
response: (to Chloe)
Chloe takes her feet off the table and sits up. "Okay then," she says, "prove it. Who finds himself in the middle of a revolution in 'Repairs'?"
action: You say Lennox
response: (to Chloe)
"Ha, I knew it," she says triumphantly. "You're just lying so you can creep to me. Well it won't work." You take it from her reply that your answer was wrong.
action: You look up c7 in Guide
response: You can't seem to find that in the guide; oh well, probably not worth the effort anyway.
action: You look up the REPAIRS in Guide
response: "A13: REPAIRS by Lenni Worb. After the major battle in the previous episode, the Caradeen is put into dry dock for repairs and its crew are given two weeks leave. John Canada decides to spend his time on a beautiful planet in a nearby system, and finds that it is not as peaceful as he first thought. Soon, he find himself in the middle of a revolution, which the leaders of the planet intend to crush."
action: You look at the cellar door
response: A solid metal door with the word CELLAR etched into the surface. It has an electronic lock.
action: You examine the lock
response: Four LEDS flicker excitedly on the lock, but it isn't immediately apparent how to activate it. A sticker on one side states that it is tamper-proof.
action: You open the door
response: It seems to be locked.
action: Go east
response: The kitchen staff are hard at work on the meal for the reception, and from their progress so far, you'd say that they are making enough food to keep the Royal family well fed for a good few months. To the west, a swing-door leads into the dining hall, and the main exit is to the southwest. A pantry lies to the south.

A pompous and temperamental chef stands around shouting at the staff and chopping things up.
action: You go south
response: Should Luxembourg ever suffer a famine, they need only raid this pantry to ensure that their citizens don't starve. The fruit, vegetables, meat, ingredients and drinks are all stored using technology that would put Nasa's space programme to shame. There is a tradesman's entrance to the east, but the main exit is to the north.
action: Go upwards
response: The top of the staircase ends in the middle of the landing which stretches to the east and west. An interesting painting, with striking use of deep blues and bright reds, hangs on an otherwise drab wall, and opposite, to the south, a large window allows light to flood onto the stairs.
action: You look at the painting
response: The effect is interesting, like a little comic strip without the white boxes to separate the action. A woman in bright pink, surrounded by deep blue ocean, suddenly bursts into red flame and attempts to destroy the world. She is thwarted by the water. Freud would have loved to have met the artist, whose initials are 'SAD'. Actually, now that you look at it, it appears to be a little lopsided, as if it was put up in a rush.
action: You move it
response: You are unable to.
action: You turn it
response: You turn the painting forty-five degrees clockwise, and a door you hadn't been aware of springs open in the north wall. The painting swivels back into its original position.
action: You go north
response: A staircase at the other side of the door takes you up to...

The attic has been converted into rather a spacious, if bare, room. A naked light bulb hangs from the ceiling, spilling light on the various cardboard boxes and general bricabrac. In the sloping roof is a small broken window-vent, and a staircase leads down.

In one corner is your friend Malcolm, bound and gagged, pleading with his eyes for you to release him.

You can also see a cooking apple here.
action: You look at Malcolm
response: He is bound and gagged, and saying "Mffffmmmffumffmmmf!". I think he is trying to tell you to release him.
action: Kiss malcolm
response: You can't do that; it would be too much for Malcolm's macho pride to bear.
action: You untie Malcolm
response: You untie your friend, and help him to his feet. He seems a little shaky, but then, had you just spent a long time tied up in the attic, you would be too.

"Thanks, mate," he says. "I was just coming up the stairs early this morning when someone jumped me from behind and knocked me out. I came to up here."

It seems that someone is out to wreck this wedding - but who? Malcolm doesn't know, and he can't face Deborah until he can give her a proper explanation.
action: You take the apple
response: You're carrying too many things already.
action: You ask Malcolm about wedding
response: "So much for 'best day of the bride's life'."
action: You ask Malcolm about the assailant
response: Malcolm shrugs his shoulders but doesn't say anything. He is still shaken up a little, you fear.
action: You look at what you're carrying with you
response: You are carrying:
a Battlebase episode guide
a small brass key
a wedding programme
action: Go down
response: You descend the stairs and pass through a door, finding yourself in the...

The top of the staircase ends in the middle of the landing which stretches to the east and west. An interesting painting, with striking use of deep blues and bright reds, hangs on an otherwise drab wall, and opposite, to the south, a large window allows light to flood onto the stairs.

A door stands open in the north wall.
action: You look up ALBERT in the programme
response: "ALBERT HARDCASTLE, uncle of the groom, is a famous sociologist and keen golfer. He wishes his brother would join the twentieth century and stop fussing so much over female vicars."
action: Go east
response: You stride off down the corridor towards the east, passing a few rooms where hideous relatives pace up and down within. They are best avoided, you think, so you don't stop until you reach the...

The east end of the landing is pretty unremarkable in itself, but a door to the north demands your immediate attention - painted pink, with a picture of a teddy bear holding a sign reading 'Deborah'. There are also less interesting rooms to the east and south.
action: Go north
response: This room offers refuge from the tastelessness that seems to prevail around the rest of the house. Framed pictures of famous film actresses, Garland, Dietrich, Midler and Streisand in particular, hang proudly on the sky-blue walls, alongside two extra-large pink and red ribbons. The abundance of style extends to the curtains, the most attractive you have ever seen. If only the rest of the house, to the south, had been decorated as well as this.

Deborah, the bride, sits on her bed flicking through an old issue of Cooee! magazine.
action: You ask Deborah about the wedding
response: "Sorry, haven't you heard? The wedding's off. The lovely groom's done a bunk."
action: You ask Deborah about Malcolm
response: "Who's he? Never heard of him." Her tone betrays a vein of bitterness.
action: You ask Deborah,  to go south
response: You haven't solved the mystery yet. You shouldn't drag Deborah away from her room until you have the answers.
action: You give the cooee to you
response: Much as you love pouring through the pages of the quality journal that is Cooee!! magazine, you'd better put such pleasures to one side for the time being and do something about this wedding.
action: Go south
response: The east end of the landing is pretty unremarkable in itself, but a door to the north demands your immediate attention - painted pink, with a picture of a teddy bear holding a sign reading 'Deborah'. There are also less interesting rooms to the east and south.
action: Go east
response: You are surprised how different this room is to all the others in the house - bland white walls and bare floorboards give it the 'recently added extension' look, which isn't appropriate. Cardboard boxes full of junk have been dumped in a corner. There is nowhere to go from here but out west to the landing.

You can see a plastic supermarket bag (which is empty) here.
action: Drop guide
response: Dropped.
action: You take the bag
response: Taken.
action: You take Guide
response: (putting the wedding programme into the plastic supermarket bag to make room)
Taken.
action: Examine boxes
response: You briefly examine one of the more interesting boxes, full of useless but interesting-looking junk. After a brief look through, you decide that there's nothing worth holding onto here.
action: Go south
response: This room is quite small and cramped, with the single bed in the corner taking up most of the room. Definitely not a place for cat-swinging; indeed, you can't see any cat hairs on the thick rug of a carpet. A wardrobe has been squeezed into the room as well, and by the look of it (and the smell of it), one of the Aunts is taking up this room.
action: You open the wardrobe
response: You open the wardrobe.
action: You look in it
response: The wardrobe is empty.
action: You examine the bed
response: The bed is quite tall and narrow compared to yours, and has been made neatly. You are not sure about the mickey mouse sheets, though.
action: You look under it
response: You dislodge a letter which appeared to be stuck to the bottom of the bed.
action: You take letter
response: (putting the small brass key into the plastic supermarket bag to make room)
Taken.
action: You read it
response: This is a love letter from Malcolm to Deborah. You blush at some of the vivid imagery used, and decide not to read all of it. Maybe he stuck it under that bed when he visited the house on one occasion, hoping Deborah would find it.
action: You enter the wardrobe
response: You get into the wardrobe.
action: Close wardrobe
response: Much as you like dark and confined spaces, you decide that sorting out this wedding is more important than getting stuck in a wardrobe.
action: You search the wardrobe
response: The wardrobe is empty.
action: Inventory
response: You are carrying:
a letter
a Battlebase episode guide
a plastic supermarket bag
a small brass key
a wedding programme
action: Exit
response: You step proudly out of the wardrobe, wondering briefly if there are any banners nearby that you can wave.
action: You go west
response: The top of the staircase ends in the middle of the landing which stretches to the east and west. An interesting painting, with striking use of deep blues and bright reds, hangs on an otherwise drab wall, and opposite, to the south, a large window allows light to flood onto the stairs.

A door stands open in the north wall.
action: Go west
response: In an attempt to steer clear of people you have no intention of meeting, you hurry past a number of open doorways, finally reaching the...

The west end of the landing ends here with a small window which enables you to look out on the tiled pathway and the gardens outside. The bathroom door lies north, and another (closed) door prevents you from going south.
action: You look at the window
response: You gaze out of the window at the huge garden, its distant border marked by a row of imposing trees. The marquee for the reception will be erected here soon, assuming it hasn't already been cancelled.
action: You open the bathroom door
response: You try the handle, but the door is locked from the inside it seems.
action: You go to the south
response: The door is locked. You try knocking, but there is no answer, and besides, you get the impression that you are barking up the wrong tree here.
action: You unlock the door with the key
response: (first taking the small brass key)
(putting the Battlebase episode guide into the plastic supermarket bag to make room)
That doesn't seem to be something you can unlock.
action: You knock on the bathroom door
response: A man's voice shouts from within, "Go away, I'm sulking!".
action: You ask the bathroom door about the wedding
response: "Go away, I'm sulking!" Amazing, a talking door.
action: You look up sulky the door in the programme
response: Nothing in the programme about that.
action: You put the programmer under the door
response: (first taking the wedding programme)
(putting the letter into the plastic supermarket bag to make room)
You can't put the wedding programme under the bathroom door.
action: Unlock south
response: What do you want to unlock the south wall with?
action: Look around
response: The west end of the landing ends here with a small window which enables you to look out on the tiled pathway and the gardens outside. The bathroom door lies north, and another (closed) door prevents you from going south.
action: Go east
response: The top of the staircase ends in the middle of the landing which stretches to the east and west. An interesting painting, with striking use of deep blues and bright reds, hangs on an otherwise drab wall, and opposite, to the south, a large window allows light to flood onto the stairs.

A door stands open in the north wall.
action: You go to the north
response: A staircase at the other side of the door takes you up to...

The attic has been converted into rather a spacious, if bare, room. A naked light bulb hangs from the ceiling, spilling light on the various cardboard boxes and general bricabrac. In the sloping roof is a small broken window-vent, and a staircase leads down.

Your old college chum Malcolm hovers close by.

You can also see a cooking apple here.
action: Go south
response: You can only go down from here.
action: You unlock the cupboard with the key
response: (first taking the small brass key)
(putting the wedding programme into the plastic supermarket bag to make room)
You unlock the cupboard.
action: You open the cupboard
response: You open the cupboard, revealing a spade.
action: You take the spade
response: (putting the cooking apple into the plastic supermarket bag to make room)
Taken.
action: You go to the west
response: You are in a glorious oak-panelled room, with a large fireplace to one side. This is where the family relaxes, assuming that such a monstrous family relaxes at all. An antique-style telephone rests on the mantelpiece, and a large hi-tech widescreen television sits on a video recorder in the corner. From here, you observe exits to the east and northeast.

A young woman called Chloe sits nearby reading a book.
action: You examine the dog
response: The excitable Alsatian puppy struggles to get free of his lead, and is not having much luck. He eyes you pitifully; his whining almost breaks your heart.
action: You go north
response: This vast room is presumably where the D'Arcy clan eat their meals; it reminds you too much of your old school dinner hall for you to feel entirely comfortable here. A large sturdy table sits in the centre of the room, surrounded by ten carefully-crafted chairs, and a set of antique jugs rest on stools in a small alcove in the west wall. The walls are covered in paintings which look impressive until you examine them closely and see that they are certainly not in the league of the great masters. The back garden is accessible via a door to the north, a corridor leads south, and the kitchen is through the swing doors to the east.

Good old Uncle Albert stands nearby with a glass of brandy in one hand.
action: You look at the door
response: A door connecting the patio outside with the dining hall inside.
action: You examine the bell
response: It is a simple push bell painted gold.
action: You ask the mother about the keys
response: She is too busy fretting to answer.
action: You go to the south
response: You stand to the south of D'Arcy manor, a building which looks like it's straight out of a low budget Bronte TV adaptation. A few modern touches help tie it to the late twentieth century, such as the burglar alarm next to the elegant stone carving of a Shakespearian-looking man above the main entrance. Immediately in front of the house is a gravel drive which acts as a car park, and a small road leads off to the south towards the main road. A slabbed path runs around both sides (east and west) of the house.

You can see a security guard here.

You can feel a few spots of rain on your face.
action: You go to the north
response: "Oi! Where do you think you're going?" The guard takes great delight in rugby-tackling you to the floor and dragging you back out onto the pebbled car park. "Authoria... Authiroz... authorthised... proper people only!". You've probably just made his day.
action: Show programme to guard
response: (first taking the wedding programme)
(putting the small brass key into the plastic supermarket bag to make room)
He doesn't show the slightest interest.
action: Go north
response: "I don't think so, sunbeam," says the nasty looking guard. He probably heard that line on an old episode of The Bill and has desperately longed for an opportunity to say it since.

A sudden gust of wind ruffles your hair.
action: Go east
response: You make your way around the eastern side of the house, and find yourself at...

A grand patio made from powder-orange slabs links the back of the house, which is to your south, with a beautiful garden to the north, beyond a gate. You look up at the house, and see a number of unrecognisable people pacing about at various windows. A grey-slabbed path runs around both sides of the house back to the front.

The gate to the north is open.
action: Go north
response: A simple pathway, immaculately tiled, leads north. Flower beds surround you, beautifully arranged, in every colour of the rainbow, and to the north east you can see a great apple tree.

The gate to the south is open.

By the side of the path, among the flowers, is a dark patch of earth.
action: You dig the patch with the spade
response: You dig a hole in the ground, stopping when the spade seems to hit something.
action: You look in the hole
response: Peering into the hole, you can see what looks like a cash tin box.

You can feel a few spots of rain on your face.
action: You take the box
response: (putting the spade into the plastic supermarket bag to make room) Taken.
action: You dig the hole with the spade
response: The ground looks unsuitable for digging here.
action: Look around
response: A simple pathway, immaculately tiled, leads north. Flower beds surround you, beautifully arranged, in every colour of the rainbow, and to the north east you can see a great apple tree.

A hole has been dug by the side of the path.

The gate to the south is open.
action: Go north
response: The path from the south ends at a large crazy golf course, separated into several smaller sections, which all have crazy obstacle courses for players to putt their golf balls through in order to get to the hole. Flowerbeds are positioned dangerously close to the crazy course to the west, and a hedge blocks your progress north. You can see a tree (the only one in the garden, it seems) to the east.
action: You examine the obstacles
response: It all looks very crazy and a little golf-like. You are dying to have a go.
action: You go south
response: A simple pathway, immaculately tiled, leads north. Flower beds surround you, beautifully arranged, in every colour of the rainbow, and to the north east you can see a great apple tree.

The gate to the south is open.

A hole has been dug by the side of the path.

Sunshine momentarily bursts out through the grey cloud cover.
action: You go south
response: A grand patio made from powder-orange slabs links the back of the house, which is to your south, with a beautiful garden to the north, beyond a gate. You look up at the house, and see a number of unrecognisable people pacing about at various windows. A grey-slabbed path runs around both sides of the house back to the front.

The gate to the north is open.

The grey sky overhead turns a little darker, threatening rain.
action: You open the door
response: It seems to be locked.
action: Examine vent
response: A tiny window which has been smashed by some scoundrel. Now that most of the glass has gone, you can definitely see some sort of movement inside the attic, and the light is on.
action: You examine bathroom
response: You can't really see much through the large frosted glass window, but there certainly isn't any movement.

You can feel a few spots of rain on your face.
action: You look at the apple
response: A small, heavy and unappetising cooking apple.
action: Yes
response: Try "SAY YES TO <whoever>".
action: You say yes to Chloe
response: Chloe takes her feet off the table and sits up. "Okay then," she says, "prove it. In the story 'Dreams', who was recovering from an alien possession?"
action: You look up the DREAMS in Guide
response: "C12: DREAMS by David McCarthy." To cut a very long story short, this episode sees Faldon recuperate from a previous alien possession on a supposedly tranquil colony base. The strange dreams he gets while there, however, are not all in his mind...
action: You say Faldon to Chloe
response: Chloe looks a little startled. "That's right," she says slowly, and she seems to be on the verge of asking you another question, but decides against it. "Well, fellow Battlier, what can I do for you?"
action: You ask Chloe about the remote
response: The woman doesn't respond. She seems to think it's trendy to be ignorant.
action: You ask Chloe about Malcolm
response: For the briefest moment, her face lights up. "Yeah, he's a bit of all right is Malcolm." Then she realises what she is doing, and quickly wears her 'couldn't care less' expression.
action: You ask Chloe about Deborah
response: "She's my cousin. Isn't she the one getting married today? Personally, I don't know and I don't care."
action: You tell Chloe about the guard
response: "Urgh, get off me, you creep!"

Chloe grins, thinking of something funny, but she decides that you don't need to know it. "Oh, he's an oaf, isn't he?"
action: You ask Chloe about the tv
response: "I'd rather you didn't switch that thing on. I'm trying to read, and besides, there's nothing worth watching anyway."
action: You ask Chloe about the guard
response: Chloe grins, thinking of something funny, but she decides that you don't need to know it. "Oh, he's an oaf, isn't he?"
action: You ask Chloe about the tin box
response: The woman doesn't respond. She seems to think it's trendy to be ignorant.

N = next subject                                                  P = RETURN = read subject                                          Q = re sume game
There is information provided on the following:

> The story so far...
Release information
Credits
On-Line Marriage Guidance System
Commands
Distribution notes

N = next subject                                                  P = RETURN = read subject                                          Q = re sume game
There is information provided on the following:

> The story so far...
Release information
Credits
On-Line Marriage Guidance System
Commands
Distribution notes
action: You ask Chloe about Battlebase
response: "Hail fellow Battlier!" she says proudly, giving you a strange and no doubt alien salute.
action: You untie the dog
response: You release Scamp and he shows his appreciation by leaping up at you and licking your face. You quickly rise from crouching, not really liking the idea of dog saliva on your cheeks, and Scamp quickly loses interest in you.

Scamp trots off to the northeast.
action: Go northeast
response: The kitchen staff are hard at work on the meal for the reception, and from their progress so far, you'd say that they are making enough food to keep the Royal family well fed for a good few months. To the west, a swing-door leads into the dining hall, and the main exit is to the southwest. A pantry lies to the south.

Scamp is up to mischief here.

A pompous and temperamental chef stands around shouting at the staff and chopping things up.

"How am I supposed to maintain good hygiene levels if someone lets a filth dog full run of the house?" says the Chef, glaring at you coldly.
action: You look at Scamp
response: This excitable Alsatian puppy is exhausting to watch. He bounces, he sniffs for food, he throws up paws for passers-by to stroke, and he rarely stays still in one place for long.

Scamp trots off to the west.
action: Go west
response: This vast room is presumably where the D'Arcy clan eat their meals; it reminds you too much of your old school dinner hall for you to feel entirely comfortable here. A large sturdy table sits in the centre of the room, surrounded by ten carefully-crafted chairs, and a set of antique jugs rest on stools in a small alcove in the west wall. The walls are covered in paintings which look impressive until you examine them closely and see that they are certainly not in the league of the great masters. The back garden is accessible via a door to the north, a corridor leads south, and the kitchen is through the swing doors to the east.

Scamp is up to mischief here.

Good old Uncle Albert stands nearby with a glass of brandy in one hand.

Scamp trots off to the south.
action: Go south
response: Here at the heart of the manor is an oak passageway with doorways leading to most rooms on the ground floor. You can see the great dining hall to the north, and a brass sign above the doorway to the northeast states "Kitchen", but the east and southwest exits hold no clues as to where they lead. The entrance hall is off to the south, and a sturdy door stands in the western wall.

Scamp is up to mischief here.

A simple polished table lies in the southeast corner.
action: You take Scamp
response: I don't suppose Scamp would care for that.

Scamp sits and watches you curiously.
action: Pet scamp
response: Scamp allows you to scratch his tummy, but clearly doesn't like being stroked on the head.

Scamp trots off to the east.
action: Go east
response: Everything in this room looks as if it has taken many weeks to carve, with the exception of dodgy book covers protecting some of the awful literature stored here. A vast array of books lie on the two huge shelves, ranging from the ancient to the modern. The curtains are closed, so for light you are reliant on the lamps which are quite attractive mock-ups of candles in candlesticks. An oak table sits in the centre of the room, a grand throne-like chair beside it, for anyone feeling particularly studious. A room lies to the south, and a corridor is out to the west.

Scamp is up to mischief here.

Scamp trots off to the west.
action: You look under table
response: You find nothing of interest.

Scamp sniffs at your hands for food.
action: Search table
response: There is nothing on the simple table.

Scamp trots off to the south.
action: You go to the south
response: The grand entrance hall of D'Arcy manor evokes a twinge of jealousy within you - the grand wooden polished floors and staircase, the expensive chandelier hanging from the high ceiling, the priceless Compton painting hanging on a wall. Why can't you inherit something like this? Leaving aside feelings of bitterness, you observe a cupboard under the stairs and a bell on a table near the door to the south. Doorways (which are probably more expensive than your entire house) lead off to the east and west, and a passageway lies north.

Scamp is up to mischief here.

The mother of the bride stands in a corner fretting away to herself as only hysterical mothers can.

Scamp trots off to the west.
action: Go west
response: You are in a glorious oak-panelled room, with a large fireplace to one side. This is where the family relaxes, assuming that such a monstrous family relaxes at all. An antique-style telephone rests on the mantelpiece, and a large hi-tech widescreen television sits on a video recorder in the corner. From here, you observe exits to the east and northeast.

Scamp is up to mischief here.

A young woman called Chloe sits nearby reading a book.

Scamp trots off to the northeast.
action: Go northeast
response: Here at the heart of the manor is an oak passageway with doorways leading to most rooms on the ground floor. You can see the great dining hall to the north, and a brass sign above the doorway to the northeast states "Kitchen", but the east and southwest exits hold no clues as to where they lead. The entrance hall is off to the south, and a sturdy door stands in the western wall.

Scamp is up to mischief here.

A simple polished table lies in the southeast corner.

Scamp trots off to the northeast.
action: Go northeast
response: The kitchen staff are hard at work on the meal for the reception, and from their progress so far, you'd say that they are making enough food to keep the Royal family well fed for a good few months. To the west, a swing-door leads into the dining hall, and the main exit is to the southwest. A pantry lies to the south.

Scamp is up to mischief here.

A pompous and temperamental chef stands around shouting at the staff and chopping things up.

The Chef tries chasing Scamp out of the kitchen, but Scamp easily avoids her, rapidly wagging his tail.
action: You feed the book to Scamp
response: Scamp examines what you are offering, but turns away, disappointed that it isn't edible.

Scamp trots off to the south.
action: You go south
response: Should Luxembourg ever suffer a famine, they need only raid this pantry to ensure that their citizens don't starve. The fruit, vegetables, meat, ingredients and drinks are all stored using technology that would put Nasa's space programme to shame. There is a tradesman's entrance to the east, but the main exit is to the north.

Scamp is up to mischief here.

Scamp trots off to the north.
action: Go north
response: The kitchen staff are hard at work on the meal for the reception, and from their progress so far, you'd say that they are making enough food to keep the Royal family well fed for a good few months. To the west, a swing-door leads into the dining hall, and the main exit is to the southwest. A pantry lies to the south.

Scamp is up to mischief here.

A pompous and temperamental chef stands around shouting at the staff and chopping things up.
action: You give the apple to Scamp
response: (first taking the cooking apple)
(putting the spade into the plastic supermarket bag to make room) Scamp sniffs cautiously at the apple for a moment, then quickly scoffs it, core and all.
action: You look around
response: The kitchen staff are hard at work on the meal for the reception, and from their progress so far, you'd say that they are making enough food to keep the Royal family well fed for a good few months. To the west, a swing-door leads into the dining hall, and the main exit is to the southwest. A pantry lies to the south.

Scamp is up to mischief here.

A pompous and temperamental chef stands around shouting at the staff and chopping things up.

"What shall we prepare for the main meal?" asks the Chef, apparently to herself. Then she turns to Scamp, and with an evil glint in her eye, says "Doggie stew!"
action: You go southwest
response: Here at the heart of the manor is an oak passageway with doorways leading to most rooms on the ground floor. You can see the great dining hall to the north, and a brass sign above the doorway to the northeast states "Kitchen", but the east and southwest exits hold no clues as to where they lead. The entrance hall is off to the south, and a sturdy door stands in the western wall.

A simple polished table lies in the southeast corner.
action: You go to the east
response: Everything in this room looks as if it has taken many weeks to carve, with the exception of dodgy book covers protecting some of the awful literature stored here. A vast array of books lie on the two huge shelves, ranging from the ancient to the modern. The curtains are closed, so for light you are reliant on the lamps which are quite attractive mock-ups of candles in candlesticks. An oak table sits in the centre of the room, a grand throne-like chair beside it, for anyone feeling particularly studious. A room lies to the south, and a corridor is out to the west.
action: You sit on the chair
response: You get onto the throne-like chair.
action: You look at the table
response: A sturdy table, polished to such an extent that you can see your face reflected on the surface.
action: You examine the candles
response: The lamps provide light in the room.
action: Examine index
response: The two shelves between them span the entire length of the room, and go from the floor to the ceiling. The books don't appear to be in any order, and it would be too daunting to try to find anything specific if not for an index someone has had the presence of mind to compile. It is a small box with a number of cards inside, and you must look up particular titles individually.
action: You stand
response: You get off the throne-like chair.

Everything in this room looks as if it has taken many weeks to carve, with the exception of dodgy book covers protecting some of the awful literature stored here. A vast array of books lie on the two huge shelves, ranging from the ancient to the modern. The curtains are closed, so for light you are reliant on the lamps which are quite attractive mock-ups of candles in candlesticks. An oak table sits in the centre of the room, a grand throne-like chair beside it, for anyone feeling particularly studious. A room lies to the south, and a corridor is out to the west.
action: You look under the table
response: Carved on the underside of the table are two messages - "Liz luvs Fitz '13" and "Chloe woz 'ere '91".
action: You look up the elizabeth in programme
response: Nothing in the programme about that.
action: You look up the golf in the index
response: You search for the Crazy Golf book, but there is a conspicuous gap in the shelves where it should be.
action: You look up lock in the index
response: Unfortunately, the index doesn't have anything about that. You notice that the index only has a couple hundred cards, whereas the number of books on the shelves must be nearer to a thousand. Many books are bound to have been left out.
action: You remove the candles
response: (first taking the lamps)
They are built into the walls.
action: You check your inventory
response: You are carrying:
a Battlebase episode guide
a plastic supermarket bag
a spade
a small brass key
a wedding programme
a letter
action: You show the letter to Albert
response: (first taking the letter)
Uncle Albert is unimpressed.
action: Go south
response: Here at the heart of the manor is an oak passageway with doorways leading to most rooms on the ground floor. You can see the great dining hall to the north, and a brass sign above the doorway to the northeast states "Kitchen", but the east and southwest exits hold no clues as to where they lead. The entrance hall is off to the south, and a sturdy door stands in the western wall.

A simple polished table lies in the southeast corner.

Scamp trots along here from the northeast, and sniffs at your feet.
action: You show the letter to Chloe
response: Chloe is unimpressed.
action: Go east
response: The grand entrance hall of D'Arcy manor evokes a twinge of jealousy within you - the grand wooden polished floors and staircase, the expensive chandelier hanging from the high ceiling, the priceless Compton painting hanging on a wall. Why can't you inherit something like this? Leaving aside feelings of bitterness, you observe a cupboard under the stairs and a bell on a table near the door to the south. Doorways (which are probably more expensive than your entire house) lead off to the east and west, and a passageway lies north.

Scamp is up to mischief here.

The mother of the bride stands in a corner fretting away to herself as only hysterical mothers can.

Scamp stretches and yawns.
action: You show the letter to the mother
response: "What filth. It should be consigned to the dust bin at once!"
action: Go upwards
response: The top of the staircase ends in the middle of the landing which stretches to the east and west. An interesting painting, with striking use of deep blues and bright reds, hangs on an otherwise drab wall, and opposite, to the south, a large window allows light to flood onto the stairs.

A door stands open in the north wall.
action: Go north
response: A staircase at the other side of the door takes you up to...

The attic has been converted into rather a spacious, if bare, room. A naked light bulb hangs from the ceiling, spilling light on the various cardboard boxes and general bricabrac. In the sloping roof is a small broken window-vent, and a staircase leads down.

Your old college chum Malcolm hovers close by.
action: You show the letter to Malcolm
response: "Oh, I wrote that ages ago," remembers Malcolm nostalgically. "It was when we'd only begun courting. I was staying over, in the spare room because Deborah's parents wouldn't allow any hanky-panky. I hid it under the bed, hoping that Deborah would find it. I don't think she's ever seen that, actually."
action: You ask Malcolm about the spare room
response: Malcolm shrugs his shoulders but doesn't say anything. He is still shaken up a little, you fear.
action: You show the letter to Deborah
response: Deborah takes the letter. As she reads it, she smiles warmly, remembering happy days. When she finishes, she folds it carefully and slips it into her pocket. "Why did he do it?" she asks sadly, and hands you a note she had kept hidden within the pages of one of her magazines.
action: You examine the note
response: A small piece of jotting paper bears a hastily scrawled message that might or might not be Malcolm's handwriting.

"Dear Deborah,
I'm sorry, but I can't go through with this. I need to go away to rediscover my inner self. I hope you can forgive me in time, and find someone else, someone who truly deserves you.

All the best,
Malcolm."

Something fishy is going on, you are sure - Malcolm was never the type to "rediscover his inner self", and wasn't impressed by people who did.
action: You show the note to Malcolm
response: Malcolm takes and reads the note. "What?" he splutters suddenly. "This isn't my handwriting! I'm being stitched up here!"

After a moment, his face seems to light up, and you can almost see a light bulb appear above his head. "I've got it!" he says. "The security guard has to sign in and out every day. I've seen him do it - this is his handwriting!".

You consider going down and having a word with the guard.
action: You look at what you're carrying with you
response: You are carrying:
a Battlebase episode guide
a plastic supermarket bag
a spade
a small brass key
a wedding programme
action: You ask Malcolm about the guard
response: "I never did trust that guard."
action: Go south
response: You stand to the south of D'Arcy manor, a building which looks like it's straight out of a low budget Bronte TV adaptation. A few modern touches help tie it to the late twentieth century, such as the burglar alarm next to the elegant stone carving of a Shakespearian-looking man above the main entrance. Immediately in front of the house is a gravel drive which acts as a car park, and a small road leads off to the south towards the main road. A slabbed path runs around both sides (east and west) of the house.

You can see a security guard here.

Sunshine momentarily bursts out through the grey cloud cover.
action: You ask the guard about the note
response: You wish you had worn that jacket with the impressive shoulder pads now, but you stand up straight and try to look as fearsome as possible for the guard.

"Okay, muggins," you say, "spill the beans, squeak, start talking, loosen your tongue..." Then you realise that you are getting carried away, and drop the tough cop act. "Why did you duff up my mate Malcolm and lock him in the attic?"

The guard sneers at you. "I don't have to tell you anything. You've got nothing over me." You decide to make it your mission in life to find lots of things to hold over this horrible guard. Preferably very heavy things you can drop on him.
action: You hit the guard
response: This isn't a macho Hollywood action film: you don't need to beat people up in this game.
action: Go north
response: "I don't think so, sunbeam," says the nasty looking guard. He probably heard that line on an old episode of The Bill and has desperately longed for an opportunity to say it since.
action: You ask the guard about the note
response: The guard won't say another word. You'll just have to find a way of forcing him to speak.
action: You ask the guard about Chloe
response: "She's an invited guest... unlike you."
action: You ask the guard about the treasure
response: "Your name's not down, you're not coming in."

You can feel a few spots of rain on your face.
action: You take the box
response: Taken.

A sudden gust of wind ruffles your hair.
action: You go north
response: The path from the south ends at a large crazy golf course, separated into several smaller sections, which all have crazy obstacle courses for players to putt their golf balls through in order to get to the hole. Flowerbeds are positioned dangerously close to the crazy course to the west, and a hedge blocks your progress north. You can see a tree (the only one in the garden, it seems) to the east.

You can feel a few spots of rain on your face.
action: Shake tree
response: You shake the tree fruitlessly.
action: You go west
response: The path from the south ends at a large crazy golf course, separated into several smaller sections, which all have crazy obstacle courses for players to putt their golf balls through in order to get to the hole. Flowerbeds are positioned dangerously close to the crazy course to the west, and a hedge blocks your progress north. You can see a tree (the only one in the garden, it seems) to the east.

Sunshine momentarily bursts out through the grey cloud cover.
action: You go to the south
response: A simple pathway, immaculately tiled, leads north. Flower beds surround you, beautifully arranged, in every colour of the rainbow, and to the north east you can see a great apple tree.

The gate to the south is open.

A hole has been dug by the side of the path.
action: You go south
response: A grand patio made from powder-orange slabs links the back of the house, which is to your south, with a beautiful garden to the north, beyond a gate. You look up at the house, and see a number of unrecognisable people pacing about at various windows. A grey-slabbed path runs around both sides of the house back to the front.

The gate to the north is open.
action: Go west
response: You make your way around the western side of the house, and find yourself at...

You stand to the south of D'Arcy manor, a building which looks like it's straight out of a low budget Bronte TV adaptation. A few modern touches help tie it to the late twentieth century, such as the burglar alarm next to the elegant stone carving of a Shakespearian-looking man above the main entrance. Immediately in front of the house is a gravel drive which acts as a car park, and a small road leads off to the south towards the main road. A slabbed path runs around both sides (east and west) of the house.

You can see a security guard here.
action: You show the box to guard
response: (the cash tin box to the security guard)
He doesn't show the slightest interest.
action: You hit the guard
response: This isn't a macho Hollywood action film: you don't need to beat people up in this game.
action: Inventory
response: You are carrying:
a cash tin box (which is closed and locked)
a Battlebase episode guide
a plastic supermarket bag
a spade
a small brass key
a wedding programme
action: You unlock the box with the key
response: (the burglar alarm with the small brass key)
(first taking the small brass key)
(putting the Battlebase episode guide into the plastic supermarket bag to make room)
It's too high up to reach.
action: You go west
response: You make your way around the western side of the house, and find yourself at...

A grand patio made from powder-orange slabs links the back of the house, which is to your south, with a beautiful garden to the north, beyond a gate. You look up at the house, and see a number of unrecognisable people pacing about at various windows. A grey-slabbed path runs around both sides of the house back to the front.

The gate to the north is open.
action: Examine vent
response: A tiny window which has been smashed by some scoundrel. Now that most of the glass has gone, you can definitely see some sort of movement inside the attic, and the light is on.
action: You throw the box at the attic window
response: You can't reach the attic window yourself without the aid of a jetpack; unfortunately, most stately homes don't have any.
action: You knock on the door
response: No answer.
action: You open the door with the spade
response: (first taking the spade)
(putting the cash tin box into the plastic supermarket bag to make room)
That doesn't seem to fit the lock.
action: You look at the door
response: A door connecting the patio outside with the dining hall inside.
action: Drop box
response: You haven't got that.

You can feel a few spots of rain on your face.
action: You take the box
response: (putting the small brass key into the plastic supermarket bag to make room)
Taken.
action: Shake box
response: You hear something rattling round inside the box.
action: You look at your surroundings
response: A grand patio made from powder-orange slabs links the back of the house, which is to your south, with a beautiful garden to the north, beyond a gate. You look up at the house, and see a number of unrecognisable people pacing about at various windows. A grey-slabbed path runs around both sides of the house back to the front.

The gate to the north is open.
action: You throw the box at the bathroom window
response: Unfortunately you don't qualify for a nice set of wings until the next life, so there's no way of reaching the window.

You can feel a few spots of rain on your face.
action: You throw the key at the bathroom window
response: (first taking the small brass key)
(putting the spade into the plastic supermarket bag to make room)
An ingenious idea, with only one small drawback: you can't reach the window from down here.

You can feel a few spots of rain on your face.
action: Go north
response: A simple pathway, immaculately tiled, leads north. Flower beds surround you, beautifully arranged, in every colour of the rainbow, and to the north east you can see a great apple tree.

The gate to the south is open.

A hole has been dug by the side of the path.
action: You look at the hole
response: The hole is half a metre deep.

The grey sky overhead turns a little darker, threatening rain.
action: Go north
response: The path from the south ends at a large crazy golf course, separated into several smaller sections, which all have crazy obstacle courses for players to putt their golf balls through in order to get to the hole. Flowerbeds are positioned dangerously close to the crazy course to the west, and a hedge blocks your progress north. You can see a tree (the only one in the garden, it seems) to the east.
action: You look at course
response: It all looks very crazy and a little golf-like. You are dying to have a go.
action: Inventory
response: You are carrying:
a small brass key
a cash tin box (which is closed and locked)
a plastic supermarket bag
a spade
a Battlebase episode guide
a wedding programme
action: You go south
response: A grand patio made from powder-orange slabs links the back of the house, which is to your south, with a beautiful garden to the north, beyond a gate. You look up at the house, and see a number of unrecognisable people pacing about at various windows. A grey-slabbed path runs around both sides of the house back to the front.

The gate to the north is open.
action: Go northeast
response: The flowers are so pretty that it would be a shame to just trample all over them.

Sunshine momentarily bursts out through the grey cloud cover.
action: You examine tree
response: Only the trunk and lower branches can be seen, the leaves blocking out your view of the rest of the tree.
action: You hit the tree
response: You attack the tree with gusto, kicking the trunk and snapping a few of the branches. There is a slight rustling sound from the heart of the branches as the tree shakes a little, but nothing else happens.
action: Go east
response: You make your way around the eastern side of the house, and find yourself at...

You stand to the south of D'Arcy manor, a building which looks like it's straight out of a low budget Bronte TV adaptation. A few modern touches help tie it to the late twentieth century, such as the burglar alarm next to the elegant stone carving of a Shakespearian-looking man above the main entrance. Immediately in front of the house is a gravel drive which acts as a car park, and a small road leads off to the south towards the main road. A slabbed path runs around both sides (east and west) of the house.

You can see a security guard here.
action: Look around
response: The attic has been converted into rather a spacious, if bare, room. A naked light bulb hangs from the ceiling, spilling light on the various cardboard boxes and general bricabrac. In the sloping roof is a small broken window-vent, and a staircase leads down.

Your old college chum Malcolm hovers close by.
action: Go down
response: You descend the stairs and pass through a door, finding yourself in the...

The top of the staircase ends in the middle of the landing which stretches to the east and west. An interesting painting, with striking use of deep blues and bright reds, hangs on an otherwise drab wall, and opposite, to the south, a large window allows light to flood onto the stairs.

A door stands open in the north wall.
action: Go west
response: You are in a glorious oak-panelled room, with a large fireplace to one side. This is where the family relaxes, assuming that such a monstrous family relaxes at all. An antique-style telephone rests on the mantelpiece, and a large hi-tech widescreen television sits on a video recorder in the corner. From here, you observe exits to the east and northeast.

Scamp is up to mischief here.

A young woman called Chloe sits nearby reading a book.
action: You ask Chloe about the guard
response: Chloe grins, thinking of something funny, but she decides that you don't need to know it. "Oh, he's an oaf, isn't he?"
action: You look at what you're carrying with you
response: You are carrying:
a Battlebase episode guide
a plastic supermarket bag
a spade
a small brass key
a wedding programme
action: You tell Chloe about Malcolm
response: You get no reply from the woman.

Scamp trots off to the northeast.
action: You say yes
response: (to Chloe)
You get no reply from the woman.
action: You ask Chloe about table
response: The woman doesn't respond. She seems to think it's trendy to be ignorant.

Scamp trots along here from the northeast and nuzzles Chloe's dangling hand with his nose. Chloe scratches behind his ear vacantly, still engrossed in her book.
action: You ask Chloe,  to go east
response: The woman doesn't take kindly to your gentle requests, and compares you to a dictator before getting back to her book.

Scamp trots off to the northeast.
action: Horror
response: "I'm reading it," says Chloe irritably.
action: You go northeast
response: Here at the heart of the manor is an oak passageway with doorways leading to most rooms on the ground floor. You can see the great dining hall to the north, and a brass sign above the doorway to the northeast states "Kitchen", but the east and southwest exits hold no clues as to where they lead. The entrance hall is off to the south, and a sturdy door stands in the western wall.

Scamp is up to mischief here.

A simple polished table lies in the southeast corner.
action: You ask Albert about the guard
response: "The cad! The bounder! The blackguard! And, no doubt, a whole lot of other old-fashioned cliched words as well."
action: You ask Albert about Sheryl
response: "I always thought it was a mistake on Godfrey's part to leave the house to Sheryl. He was always a bit of a gambler, really."
action: You ask Albert about Godfrey
response: "One of my greatest friends - the most unpredictable and eccentric man I've ever met."
action: You take the table
response: That's fixed in place.
action: You move the table
response: It is fixed in place.
action: You examine the lock
response: Four LEDS flicker excitedly on the lock, but it isn't immediately apparent how to activate it. A sticker on one side states that it is tamper-proof.
action: You get the sticker
response: That's hardly portable.
action: You examine Sheryl
response: Her clothes look like they have been chosen in order to make sure that she isn't lost in the crowd during the wedding: a shocking pink suit is topped by a large (some would say overgrown) matching hat. She is wringing her hands and seems to be murmuring "oh my oh my".
action: You ask Sheryl about the bathroom
response: "My brother William's locked himself in the bathroom, I'm afraid."
action: You look up William in the programme
response: "WILLIAM D'ARCY, uncle of the bride, is the unsociable one of the family, with a tendency to lock himself in a toilet and sulk. One such episode lasted two days; his wife Hope was forced to climb a ladder and pass his pizzas in through the window, though she says that if he tries it again, he can just starve."
action: You look up Hope in the programme
response: "HOPE D'ARCY, long suffering wife to William. Hope seems to possess infinite patience, which helps when dealing with her husband. She is also a part time rock climber."
action: You go east
response: This room has the air of a gentleman's private study area, though recently it appears to have been taken over by the lady of the house
action: You ask Sheryl about the keys
response: (that is, Sheryl D'Arcy). A hardboard set of shelves against one wall looks completely out of place amid the antique furniture and the gorgeous circular shaped painting on the ceiling. Embroidery rests on a pouffe to one side, and several packs of wool tower alongside the shelves. The front entrance is out to the west, and there is another room to the north.

Barbara, an aunt of the bride, sits on an armchair with her legs crossed and her hands interlocked.

You can't see any such thing.
action: Examine tv
response: The television is large, with a wide screen and large speakers at either side. You can see a power switch but not the means to change channels - maybe that is done with a remote control.

The television is currently switched off.
action: You look at the fireplace
response: Possibly redundant, what with the invention of central heating, but it must be nice to have a large roaring fire going on cold winter nights.
action: You call the mom
response: What do you want to call that on?
action: The phone
response: You let the phone ring for a while, then put the receiver back down.
action: You look at Chloe
response: Chloe has her chair back on two legs, feet on the table, reading a horror story. She is clad entirely in black, from her Doc Martens to her T-shirt. Maybe she got the events mixed up and thought she was going to a funeral.
action: Go east
response: The grand entrance hall of D'Arcy manor evokes a twinge of jealousy within you - the grand wooden polished floors and staircase, the expensive chandelier hanging from the high ceiling, the priceless Compton painting hanging on a wall. Why can't you inherit something like this? Leaving aside feelings of bitterness, you observe a cupboard under the stairs and a bell on a table near the door to the south. Doorways (which are probably more expensive than your entire house) lead off to the east and west, and a passageway lies north.

The mother of the bride stands in a corner fretting away to herself as only hysterical mothers can.

Scamp trots along here from upstairs, careful to avoid the Mother of the Bride who glares at him and mutters something dark under her breath.
action: You ask Mother about the remote
response: She is too busy fretting to answer.

Scamp sniffs at your hands for food.
action: You ask Scamp about the remote
response: "Woof."

Scamp scratches his ear furiously with his hind leg.
action: You tell Barbara about the guard
response: Barbara smiles enigmatically.
action: You look at the wool
response: The packs, each containing six balls of wool, are waiting to be used for one very large jumper, or alternatively several hundred jumpers for unlucky relatives.
action: You search the wool
response: The colour you like isn't here. Anyway, you don't have time to knit.
action: Go west
response: You can't see any such thing.

You are in a glorious oak-panelled room, with a large fireplace to one side. This is where the family relaxes, assuming that such a monstrous family relaxes at all. An antique-style telephone rests on the mantelpiece, and a large hi-tech widescreen television sits on a video recorder in the corner. From here, you observe exits to the east and northeast.

A young woman called Chloe sits nearby reading a book.
action: You press eject
response: [ Try PRESS <button> ON VIDEO RECORDER. ]
action: You press the eject on the video recorder
response: The video recorder spits out a cassette, which lands neatly on the floor.
action: You take the cassette
response: Taken.
action: Examine cassette
response: A three-hour video cassette, rewound to the beginning.

A three-hour video cassette, rewound to the beginning.
action: You show it to Chloe
response: Chloe is unimpressed.
action: You go to the north-east
response: Here at the heart of the manor is an oak passageway with doorways leading to most rooms on the ground floor. You can see the great dining hall to the north, and a brass sign above the doorway to the northeast states "Kitchen", but the east and southwest exits hold no clues as to where they lead. The entrance hall is off to the south, and a sturdy door stands in the western wall.

A simple polished table lies in the southeast corner.
action: Go southwest
response: You are in a glorious oak-panelled room, with a large fireplace to one side. This is where the family relaxes, assuming that such a monstrous family relaxes at all. An antique-style telephone rests on the mantelpiece, and a large hi-tech widescreen television sits on a video recorder in the corner. From here, you observe exits to the east and northeast.

A young woman called Chloe sits nearby reading a book.

You can hear heavy footsteps nearby.
action: Wait
response: You wait for a moment.

You can hear heavy footsteps nearby.
action: Wait
response: You wait for a moment.
action: Go north
response: Here at the heart of the manor is an oak passageway with doorways leading to most rooms on the ground floor. You can see the great dining hall to the north, and a brass sign above the doorway to the northeast states "Kitchen", but the east and southwest exits hold no clues as to where they lead. The entrance hall is off to the south, and a sturdy door stands in the western wall.

A simple polished table lies in the southeast corner.

The cellar door hangs open invitingly to the west.

You can hear heavy footsteps nearby.
action: Go west
response: Considering the high technology that has gone into guarding this area, the cellar is surprisingly lo-tech. One very dull fluorescent tube casts gloomy light over the brick walls. The air is damp; cobwebs line the ceiling. A tunnel disappears off into the darkness to the northeast, and a set of stone steps lead east up to the passageway.

Discarded carelessly on a crate is something which declares itself to be a water detector.

You can also see a security guard here.

To your horror, and to his glee, you walk straight into the security guard. He takes great delight in lifting you up and ejecting you out of the house. "Your name's not down, you're NOT - COMING - IN!" he bellows.

You stand to the south of D'Arcy manor, a building which looks like it's straight out of a low budget Bronte TV adaptation. A few modern touches help tie it to the late twentieth century, such as the burglar alarm next to the elegant stone carving of a Shakespearian-looking man above the main entrance. Immediately in front of the house is a gravel drive which acts as a car park, and a small road leads off to the south towards the main road. A slabbed path runs around both sides (east and west) of the house.

You can see a security guard here.
action: You check what you're carrying
response: You are carrying:
a video cassette
a Battlebase episode guide
a plastic supermarket bag
a spade
a small brass key
a wedding programme

You don't notice the security guard bearing down on you until it is too late. "Gotcha!" he snarls, and drags you kicking and screaming out of the house. "Behave, you!" he bellows like an impatient father, and as you pick yourself up, you think spiteful thoughts involving the security guard and several tonnes of space debris falling to earth.

You stand to the south of D'Arcy manor, a building which looks like it's straight out of a low budget Bronte TV adaptation. A few modern touches help tie it to the late twentieth century, such as the burglar alarm next to the elegant stone carving of a Shakespearian-looking man above the main entrance. Immediately in front of the house is a gravel drive which acts as a car park, and a small road leads off to the south towards the main road. A slabbed path runs around both sides (east and west) of the house.

You can see a security guard here.
action: Go north
response: This vast room is presumably where the D'Arcy clan eat their meals; it reminds you too much of your old school dinner hall for you to feel entirely comfortable here. A large sturdy table sits in the centre of the room, surrounded by ten carefully-crafted chairs, and a set of antique jugs rest on stools in a small alcove in the west wall. The walls are covered in paintings which look impressive until you examine them closely and see that they are certainly not in the league of the great masters. The back garden is accessible via a door to the north, a corridor leads south, and the kitchen is through the swing doors to the east.

Good old Uncle Albert stands nearby with a glass of brandy in one hand.

You can hear heavy footsteps nearby.
action: Go south
response: Here at the heart of the manor is an oak passageway with doorways leading to most rooms on the ground floor. You can see the great dining hall to the north, and a brass sign above the doorway to the northeast states "Kitchen", but the east and southwest exits hold no clues as to where they lead. The entrance hall is off to the south, and a sturdy door stands in the western wall.

A simple polished table lies in the southeast corner.

The cellar door hangs open invitingly to the west.

You can also see a security guard here.

To your horror, and to his glee, you walk straight into the security guard. He takes great delight in lifting you up and ejecting you out of the house. "Your name's not down, you're NOT - COMING - IN!" he bellows.

You stand to the south of D'Arcy manor, a building which looks like it's straight out of a low budget Bronte TV adaptation. A few modern touches help tie it to the late twentieth century, such as the burglar alarm next to the elegant stone carving of a Shakespearian-looking man above the main entrance. Immediately in front of the house is a gravel drive which acts as a car park, and a small road leads off to the south towards the main road. A slabbed path runs around both sides (east and west) of the house.

You can see a security guard here.
action: Go south
response: The grand entrance hall of D'Arcy manor evokes a twinge of jealousy within you - the grand wooden polished floors and staircase, the expensive chandelier hanging from the high ceiling, the priceless Compton painting hanging on a wall. Why can't you inherit something like this? Leaving aside feelings of bitterness, you observe a cupboard under the stairs and a bell on a table near the door to the south. Doorways (which are probably more expensive than your entire house) lead off to the east and west, and a passageway lies north.

The mother of the bride stands in a corner fretting away to herself as only hysterical mothers can.

You can also see a security guard here.

To your horror, and to his glee, you walk straight into the security guard. He takes great delight in lifting you up and ejecting you out of the house. "Your name's not down, you're NOT - COMING - IN!" he bellows.

You stand to the south of D'Arcy manor, a building which looks like it's straight out of a low budget Bronte TV adaptation. A few modern touches help tie it to the late twentieth century, such as the burglar alarm next to the elegant stone carving of a Shakespearian-looking man above the main entrance. Immediately in front of the house is a gravel drive which acts as a car park, and a small road leads off to the south towards the main road. A slabbed path runs around both sides (east and west) of the house.

You can see a security guard here.
action: Go north
response: Here at the heart of the manor is an oak passageway with doorways leading to most rooms on the ground floor. You can see the great dining hall to the north, and a brass sign above the doorway to the northeast states "Kitchen", but the east and southwest exits hold no clues as to where they lead. The entrance hall is off to the south, and a sturdy door stands in the western wall.

A simple polished table lies in the southeast corner.

The cellar door hangs open invitingly to the west.
action: You close the cellar door
response: You close the cellar door.

You can hear heavy footsteps nearby.
action: You wait
response: You wait for a moment.

Banging sounds and and cries of "let me out!" are coming from the cellar door.
action: You open the cellar door
response: You will have to enter the pass number into the lock to open the door.

Banging sounds and and cries of "let me out!" are coming from the cellar door.
action: Bang on door
response: The hard metal hurts your knuckles as you rap on the door.

Banging sounds and and cries of "let me out!" are coming from the cellar door.
action: You ask the cellar door about the note
response: "Oi, you!" calls the voice behind the door. "Get me out of here! Unlock the door!"

Banging sounds and and cries of "let me out!" are coming from the cellar door.
action: You examine the lock
response: Four LEDS flicker excitedly on the lock, but it isn't immediately apparent how to activate it. A sticker on one side states that it is tamper-proof.

Banging sounds and and cries of "let me out!" are coming from the cellar door.
action: You ask the door about the lock
response: "The number?" bellows the voice behind the door. "The number is 9136. Hurry!"

Banging sounds and and cries of "let me out!" are coming from the cellar door.
action: You open the door
response: You will have to enter the pass number into the lock to open the door.

Banging sounds and and cries of "let me out!" are coming from the cellar door.
action: You unlock cellar door
response: What do you want to unlock the cellar door with?
action: Type 9136
response: What do you want to type that on?
action: The lock
response: You can't see a telephone here.

Banging sounds and and cries of "let me out!" are coming from the cellar door.
action: You examine the phone
response: The telephone is gold plated, and shaped like a cumbersome old-fashioned model, except for a keypad where the dial should go.
action: You dial phone
response: What do you want to dial that on?
action: Type 9136
response: What do you want to type that on?
action: Phone
response: You let the phone ring for a while, then put the receiver back down.
action: Go northeast
response: Here at the heart of the manor is an oak passageway with doorways leading to most rooms on the ground floor. You can see the great dining hall to the north, and a brass sign above the doorway to the northeast states "Kitchen", but the east and southwest exits hold no clues as to where they lead. The entrance hall is off to the south, and a sturdy door stands in the western wall.

A simple polished table lies in the southeast corner.

Banging sounds and and cries of "let me out!" are coming from the cellar door.
action: You unlock cellar door
response: What do you want to unlock the cellar door with?
action: You type 9136 on the leds
response: What do you want to push that on?

You can't see a telephone here.

Banging sounds and and cries of "let me out!" are coming from the cellar door.
action: You examine the leds
response: Four LEDS flicker excitedly on the lock, but it isn't immediately apparent how to activate it. A sticker on one side states that it is tamper-proof.

Banging sounds and and cries of "let me out!" are coming from the cellar door.
action: You look at the door
response: A solid metal door with the word CELLAR etched into the surface. It has an electronic lock.

Banging sounds and and cries of "let me out!" are coming from the cellar door.
action: You open door
response: You can't see any such thing.

You can only do that to something animate.

You will have to enter the pass number into the lock to open the door.

Banging sounds and and cries of "let me out!" are coming from the cellar door.
action: You say 9136
response: (to the cellar door)
"Oi, you!" calls the voice behind the door. "Get me out of here! Unlock the door!"

Banging sounds and and cries of "let me out!" are coming from the cellar door.
action: You set lock to 9136
response: No, you can't set that to anything.

Banging sounds and and cries of "let me out!" are coming from the cellar door.
action: Lock
response: What do you want to lock?
action: You open the lock
response: That's not something you can open.

Banging sounds and and cries of "let me out!" are coming from the cellar door.
action: You hit the door
response: Violence should only be used as a last resort.

Banging sounds and and cries of "let me out!" are coming from the cellar door.
action: Go south
response: You stand to the south of D'Arcy manor, a building which looks like it's straight out of a low budget Bronte TV adaptation. A few modern touches help tie it to the late twentieth century, such as the burglar alarm next to the elegant stone carving of a Shakespearian-looking man above the main entrance. Immediately in front of the house is a gravel drive which acts as a car park, and a small road leads off to the south towards the main road. A slabbed path runs around both sides (east and west) of the house.
action: You take the box
response: (putting the Battlebase episode guide into the plastic supermarket bag to make room)
Taken.
action: You go south
response: A grand patio made from powder-orange slabs links the back of the house, which is to your south, with a beautiful garden to the north, beyond a gate. You look up at the house, and see a number of unrecognisable people pacing about at various windows. A grey-slabbed path runs around both sides of the house back to the front.

The gate to the north is open.
action: You go east
response: You make your way around the eastern side of the house, and find yourself at...

You stand to the south of D'Arcy manor, a building which looks like it's straight out of a low budget Bronte TV adaptation. A few modern touches help tie it to the late twentieth century, such as the burglar alarm next to the elegant stone carving of a Shakespearian-looking man above the main entrance. Immediately in front of the house is a gravel drive which acts as a car park, and a small road leads off to the south towards the main road. A slabbed path runs around both sides (east and west) of the house.
action: You go south
response: That way only leads out of the estate, and you've still got a lot of interfering to do yet.

A sudden gust of wind ruffles your hair.
action: You examine the alarm
response: From here, all you can see is a white box with the name of a security company on it. A blue light flickers intermittently on its side, suggesting that it is active.
action: Open alarm
response: It's too high up to reach.

The grey sky overhead turns a little darker, threatening rain.
action: Look around
response: You stand to the south of D'Arcy manor, a building which looks like it's straight out of a low budget Bronte TV adaptation. A few modern touches help tie it to the late twentieth century, such as the burglar alarm next to the elegant stone carving of a Shakespearian-looking man above the main entrance. Immediately in front of the house is a gravel drive which acts as a car park, and a small road leads off to the south towards the main road. A slabbed path runs around both sides (east and west) of the house.
action: Go up
response: The top of the staircase ends in the middle of the landing which stretches to the east and west. An interesting painting, with striking use of deep blues and bright reds, hangs on an otherwise drab wall, and opposite, to the south, a large window allows light to flood onto the stairs.

Scamp is up to mischief here.

A door stands open in the north wall.
action: Go north
response: A staircase at the other side of the door takes you up to...

The attic has been converted into rather a spacious, if bare, room. A naked light bulb hangs from the ceiling, spilling light on the various cardboard boxes and general bricabrac. In the sloping roof is a small broken window-vent, and a staircase leads down.

Your old college chum Malcolm hovers close by.
action: You show box to Malcolm
response: Malcolm glances at the cash tin box and shrugs.
action: You throw the box at the window
response: Futile.
action: Inventory
response: You are carrying:
a cash tin box (which is closed and locked)
a video cassette
a plastic supermarket bag
a Battlebase episode guide
a spade
a small brass key
a wedding programme
action: Go south
response: You can only go down from here.
action: Go downward
response: The grand entrance hall of D'Arcy manor evokes a twinge of jealousy within you - the grand wooden polished floors and staircase, the expensive chandelier hanging from the high ceiling, the priceless Compton painting hanging on a wall. Why can't you inherit something like this? Leaving aside feelings of bitterness, you observe a cupboard under the stairs and a bell on a table near the door to the south. Doorways (which are probably more expensive than your entire house) lead off to the east and west, and a passageway lies north.

Scamp is up to mischief here.

The mother of the bride stands in a corner fretting away to herself as only hysterical mothers can.
action: You show the box to Mother
response: She glances quickly at the cash tin box but declines to comment.

Scamp sniffs at your hands for food.
action: You show the box to Scamp
response: Scamp examines what you are offering, but turns away, disappointed that it isn't edible.

Scamp trots off up the stairs.
action: You go to the east
response: This room has the air of a gentleman's private study area, though recently it appears to have been taken over by the lady of the house (that is, Sheryl D'Arcy). A hardboard set of shelves against one wall looks completely out of place amid the antique furniture and the gorgeous circular shaped painting on the ceiling. Embroidery rests on a pouffe to one side, and several packs of wool tower alongside the shelves. The front entrance is out to the west, and there is another room to the north.

Barbara, an aunt of the bride, sits on an armchair with her legs crossed and her hands interlocked.
action: You show the box to Barbara
response: Barbara examines the cash tin box carefully. "Very nice."
action: Show box to Albert
response: Uncle Albert is unimpressed.
action: You examine the recorder
response: A slim, sleek model with a slot for cassettes and the buttons REW, PLAY, FF, STOP and EJECT underneath.

The video recorder is currently switched on.
action: You turn on the tv
response: Chloe tuts, clearly unhappy that you're disturbing her reading.

You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "I hate you! You've ruined my life!" screams a teenager, before slamming a door.
action: Examine tv
response: The television is large, with a wide screen and large speakers at either side. You can see a power switch but not the means to change channels - maybe that is done with a remote control.

The television is currently switched on.

You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "Hey, love," says the town's Mother Earth figure. "You have to stand up for what you believe in, not what other people tell you to."
action: You examine the speakers
response: The television is large, with a wide screen and large speakers at either side. You can see a power switch but not the means to change channels - maybe that is done with a remote control.

The television is currently switched on.

You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "Isn't it odd that all the young people around here are gorgeous and have long blonde hair?" asks an inspired young man in a brief moment of clarity.
action: You examine the speakers
response: The television is large, with a wide screen and large speakers at either side. You can see a power switch but not the means to change channels - maybe that is done with a remote control.

The television is currently switched on.

You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "I trusted you!" whimpers a teenage girl. "And you cheated on me!"
action: You open the tv
response: That's not something you can open.

You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "Isn't it odd that all the young people around here are gorgeous and have long blonde hair?" asks an inspired young man in a brief moment of clarity.
action: You go to the east
response: The east end of the landing is pretty unremarkable in itself, but a door to the north demands your immediate attention - painted pink, with a picture of a teddy bear holding a sign reading 'Deborah'. There are also less interesting rooms to the east and south.

Scamp is up to mischief here.

Scamp trots off to the north.
action: Go north
response: This room offers refuge from the tastelessness that seems to prevail around the rest of the house. Framed pictures of famous film actresses, Garland, Dietrich, Midler and Streisand in particular, hang proudly on the sky-blue walls, alongside two extra-large pink and red ribbons. The abundance of style extends to the curtains, the most attractive you have ever seen. If only the rest of the house, to the south, had been decorated as well as this.

Scamp is up to mischief here.

Deborah, the bride, sits on her bed flicking through an old issue of Cooee! magazine.
action: You examine the curtains
response: Dazzlingly attractive. You wish you had the sense of style that the person who chose these obviously possesses.

(They are closed.)

Scamp trots off to the south.
action: You examine ribbons
response: You open the curtains, revealing a remote control device.

That's not something you need to refer to in the course of this game.
action: You take the remote
response: (putting the video cassette into the plastic supermarket bag to make room)
Taken.
action: You go west
response: The east end of the landing is pretty unremarkable in itself, but a door to the north demands your immediate attention - painted pink, with a picture of a teddy bear holding a sign reading 'Deborah'. There are also less interesting rooms to the east and south.

Scamp is up to mischief here.

Scamp trots off to the north.

This room is quite small and cramped, with the single bed in the corner taking up most of the room. Definitely not a place for cat-swinging; indeed, you can't see any cat hairs on the thick rug of a carpet. A wardrobe has been squeezed into the room as well, and by the look of it (and the smell of it), one of the Aunts is taking up this room.

The only exit is to the north.

The only exit is to the north.

The only exit is to the north.
action: Go west
response: The top of the staircase ends in the middle of the landing which stretches to the east and west. An interesting painting, with striking use of deep blues and bright reds, hangs on an otherwise drab wall, and opposite, to the south, a large window allows light to flood onto the stairs.

Scamp is up to mischief here.

A door stands open in the north wall.

The grand entrance hall of D'Arcy manor evokes a twinge of jealousy within you - the grand wooden polished floors and staircase, the expensive chandelier hanging from the high ceiling, the priceless Compton painting hanging on a wall. Why can't you inherit something like this? Leaving aside feelings of bitterness, you observe a cupboard under the stairs and a bell on a table near the door to the south. Doorways (which are probably more expensive than your entire house) lead off to the east and west, and a passageway lies north.

The mother of the bride stands in a corner fretting away to herself as only hysterical mothers can.

You are in a glorious oak-panelled room, with a large fireplace to one side. This is where the family relaxes, assuming that such a monstrous family relaxes at all. An antique-style telephone rests on the mantelpiece, and a large hi-tech widescreen television sits on a video recorder in the corner. From here, you observe exits to the east and northeast.

A young woman called Chloe sits nearby reading a book.
action: You examine remote
response: The slightly dirty television remote control has a vast array of buttons on it. The most obvious ones are labelled 1 to 9, for changing channels.
action: Inventory
response: You are carrying:
a remote control
a cash tin box (which is closed and locked)
a plastic supermarket bag
a video cassette
a Battlebase episode guide
a spade
a small brass key
a wedding programme
action: You put the cassette in the recorder
response: You slide the cassette into the vcr, which swallows it with a whirring of motors.
action: You press the PLAY on the video
response: With a lot of effort, the video recorder wakes up and starts playing the tape.
action: You turn the tv on
response: Chloe tuts, clearly unhappy that you're disturbing her reading.

You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "Geez," murmurs a middle-aged man. "There's no need to get upset, its only a barbie!"
action: You press 1 on the remote
response: The television flicks to channel 1.

You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "I'm going to make it in the sheep farming business!" says a young woman firmly. "You see if I don't!"
action: You press 9 on the remote
response: The television flicks to channel 9.

Static hisses from the television.
action: You press 8 on the remote
response: The television flicks to channel 8.

An electronic snowstorm, accompanied by a buzzing noise, plays on the television.
action: You press 7 on the remote
response: The television flicks to channel 7.

The video recorder emits a series of clicking noises, then starts to rewind.

Static hisses from the television.

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
action: You press 6 on remote
response: The television flicks to channel 6.

Static hisses from the television.

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
action: You press 5 on the remote
response: The television flicks to channel 5.

Static hisses from the television.

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
action: You press 4 on the remote
response: The television flicks to channel 4.

A schools programme plays on the television.

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
action: You wait
response: You wait for a moment.

A schools programme plays on the television.

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
action: Press 3
response: What do you want to press that on?
action: You press 3 on the remote
response: The television flicks to channel 3.

An advertisement on the television attracts your attention. "New offer on Zippo pizzas. Interest free credit, and don't pay a penny until next month! Call 6787 now!"

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
action: You press 2 on the remote
response: The television flicks to channel 2.

A wildlife programme plays on the television.

With a <clunk!>, the video recorder stops rewinding the tape.
action: You call 6787 on the phone
response: You order a pizza under the 'buy now, pay later' scheme, and say that it is for D'Arcy manor. The man on the other end of the phone tells you that it will be delivered shortly.

A wildlife programme plays on the television.
action: You press PLAY on the recorder
response: With a lot of effort, the video recorder wakes up and starts playing the tape.

A wildlife programme plays on the television.
action: You press 4 on the remote
response: The television flicks to channel 4.

A schools programme plays on the television.
action: You press 5 on the remote
response: The television flicks to channel 5.

Static hisses from the television.
action: You press 6 on remote
response: The television flicks to channel 6.

Static hisses from the television.
action: You press 7 on the remote
response: The television flicks to channel 7.

Static hisses from the television.
action: You press 9 on the remote
response: The television flicks to channel 9.

Static hisses from the television.

The video recorder emits a series of clicking noises, then starts to rewind.

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
action: You press 0 on the remote
response: You can't see that button.

Static hisses from the television.

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
action: You press 9 on remote
response: The television flicks to channel 9.

Static hisses from the television.

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
action: You press 1 on the remote
response: The television flicks to channel 1.

You briefly hear the sound of a moped outside the house.

You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "It's Bob!" a distraught man says. "He's been involved in some sort of accident!" "What, again?" an unimpressed woman asks.

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
action: You go to the west
response: You are in a glorious oak-panelled room, with a large fireplace to one side. This is where the family relaxes, assuming that such a monstrous family relaxes at all. An antique-style telephone rests on the mantelpiece, and a large hi-tech widescreen television sits on a video recorder in the corner. From here, you observe exits to the east and northeast.

A young woman called Chloe sits nearby reading a book.

You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "I'm going to make it in the sheep farming business!" says a young woman firmly. "You see if I don't!"
action: Wait
response: You wait for a moment.

You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "It's Bob!" a distraught man says. "He's been involved in some sort of accident!" "What, again?" an unimpressed woman asks.
action: Go north
response: You can't go that way.

You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "Sheila, fancy coming back to my place for a six pack?" asks a naive young man.
action: You press 9 on the remote
response: The lock blips anonymously.

Banging sounds and and cries of "let me out!" are coming from the cellar door.
action: You press 6 on the remote
response: There is a click. Then, with an electronic fanfare, the cellar door swings open.

The security guard bolts out of the cellar, slams the door shut and rests against it, looking flustered. It takes him a moment to recover, then he gets his remote control from out of his pocket and presses a big red button. The cellar door shakes suddenly.

"I've changed the lock number so don't try anything!" he warns before striding off back to the front entrance. Nice of him not to throw you out, but then, he was probably distracted.
action: Go southwest
response: You are in a glorious oak-panelled room, with a large fireplace to one side. This is where the family relaxes, assuming that such a monstrous family relaxes at all. An antique-style telephone rests on the mantelpiece, and a large hi-tech widescreen television sits on a video recorder in the corner. From here, you observe exits to the east and northeast.

A young woman called Chloe sits nearby reading a book.

You catch a moment of dialogue from the Australian soap opera playing on the television. "Isn't it odd that all the young people around here are gorgeous and have long blonde hair?" asks an inspired young man in a brief moment of clarity.
action: You look at the tv
response: The television is large, with a wide screen and large speakers at either side. You can see a power switch but not the means to change channels - maybe that is done with a remote control.

The television is currently switched on.
action: You press the stop on the recorder
response: The video image suddenly disappears from the television, to be replaced by a blank screen.
action: You press the rewind on the recorder
response: With a flick, the image on the television blanks out. The video recorder clicks and whines, preparing to rewind the video cassette.

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
action: You jump
response: You jump on the spot, fruitlessly.

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
action: Kiss chloe
response: "Urgh, get off me, you creep!"

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
action: You jump
response: You jump on the spot, fruitlessly.

With a <clunk!>, the video recorder stops rewinding the tape.
action: You press PLAY
response: [ Try PRESS <button> ON VIDEO RECORDER. ]
action: You press the PLAY on recorder
response: With a lot of effort, the video recorder wakes up and starts playing the tape.

An electronic snowstorm, accompanied by a buzzing noise, plays on the television.
action: You look at the tv
response: The television is large, with a wide screen and large speakers at either side. You can see a power switch but not the means to change channels - maybe that is done with a remote control.

The television is currently switched on.

An electronic snowstorm, accompanied by a buzzing noise, plays on the television.
action: You examine the recorder
response: A slim, sleek model with a slot for cassettes and the buttons REW, PLAY, FF, STOP and EJECT underneath.

The video recorder is currently switched on.

An electronic snowstorm, accompanied by a buzzing noise, plays on the television.
action: You listen
response: You hear nothing unexpected.

An electronic snowstorm, accompanied by a buzzing noise, plays on the television.
action: You keep going
response: You hear nothing unexpected.

An electronic snowstorm, accompanied by a buzzing noise, plays on the television.

The picture suddenly blacks out, and the video recorder begins to rewind.

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
action: You examine the recorder
response: A slim, sleek model with a slot for cassettes and the buttons REW, PLAY, FF, STOP and EJECT underneath.

The video recorder is currently switched on.

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
action: Inventory
response: You are carrying:
a remote control
a cash tin box (which is closed and locked)
a plastic supermarket bag
a Battlebase episode guide
a spade
a small brass key
a wedding programme

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
action: Wait
response: You wait for a moment.

With a <clunk!>, the video recorder stops rewinding the tape.
action: Examine tv
response: The television is large, with a wide screen and large speakers at either side. You can see a power switch but not the means to change channels - maybe that is done with a remote control.

The television is currently switched on.

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
action: You wait
response: You wait for a moment.

With a <clunk!>, the video recorder stops fast forwarding the tape.
action: You press the PLAY on the recorder
response: With a lot of effort, the video recorder wakes up and starts playing the tape.

An electronic snowstorm, accompanied by a buzzing noise, plays on the television.

The picture suddenly blacks out, and the video recorder begins to rewind.

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
action: You press the FF on recorder
response: Thunk! The cassette stops rewinding. The video recorder clicks and whines, preparing to fast forward the video cassette.

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
action: Press rew
response: [ Try PRESS <button> ON VIDEO RECORDER. ]

With a <clunk!>, the video recorder stops fast forwarding the tape.
action: You press the REW on recorder
response: The video recorder clicks and whines, preparing to rewind the video cassette.

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
action: You press the FF on the recorder
response: With a flick, the image on the television blanks out. The video recorder clicks and whines, preparing to fast forward the video cassette.

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
action: You press the stop on the recorder
response: With a <clunk!>, the video recorder stops winding the tape.
action: You give the remote to Chloe
response: "The desire to possess objects is a fundamental weakness of humankind as a whole." So that's a 'no thanks' then.
action: You press the eject on the recorder
response: The video recorder spits out a cassette, which lands neatly on the floor.
action: Examine cassette
response: A three-hour video cassette, almost half-way through the tape.
action: You go to the east
response: The grand entrance hall of D'Arcy manor evokes a twinge of jealousy within you - the grand wooden polished floors and staircase, the expensive chandelier hanging from the high ceiling, the priceless Compton painting hanging on a wall. Why can't you inherit something like this? Leaving aside feelings of bitterness, you observe a cupboard under the stairs and a bell on a table near the door to the south. Doorways (which are probably more expensive than your entire house) lead off to the east and west, and a passageway lies north.

Scamp is up to mischief here.

The mother of the bride stands in a corner fretting away to herself as only hysterical mothers can.

Scamp sits and watches you curiously.
action: Go west
response: You are in a glorious oak-panelled room, with a large fireplace to one side. This is where the family relaxes, assuming that such a monstrous family relaxes at all. An antique-style telephone rests on the mantelpiece, and a large hi-tech widescreen television sits on a video recorder in the corner. From here, you observe exits to the east and northeast.

A young woman called Chloe sits nearby reading a book.

You can also see a video cassette here.
action: You press 3 on the remote
response: The television flicks to channel 3.

You catch an advertisement playing on the television. "I'm burning oh so burning with desire yes desire and i see i see paradise... Pheww Aftershave, by Laboratorium Stinken."
action: Wait
response: You wait for a moment.

You catch an advertisement playing on the television. "Fly Great Kingdom Airlines, we guarantee superb service... But don't dare complain about us or we'll break down your door and knock your teeth in, understand?"
action: You wait
response: You wait for a moment.

You catch an advertisement playing on the television. "For the best of 70s Peruvian Folk Singing, get the special G-Gen compilation, only #59.99. Dial 413 now for your copy. We take all major credit cards."
action: You call 413 on the phone
response: "Thank you for calling the Peruvian Folk Singing compilation line. We take Excess, BankBusta, Stitchup, and Scarlet Fishie credit cards." Oops, you don't have any of those, so you hang up.

You catch an advertisement playing on the television. "Get the latest in high technology with Benson's water detector. Better than two crossed branches any day!"
action: You wait awhile
response: You wait for a moment.

You catch an advertisement playing on the television. "Floella Witt's new book, 'The Jellied Eel Terror of Brighton', out now!" Chloe looks up briefly.
action: You wait a while
response: You wait for a moment.

You catch an advertisement playing on the television. "I'm burning oh so burning with desire yes desire and i see i see paradise... Pheww Aftershave, by Laboratorium Stinken."
action: You press 2 on the remote
response: The television flicks to channel 2.

A wildlife programme plays on the television.
action: You wait for a while
response: You wait for a moment.

A wildlife programme plays on the television.
action: You press 3 on the remote
response: The television flicks to channel 3.

You catch an advertisement playing on the television. "Get the latest in high technology with Benson's water detector. Better than two crossed branches any day!"
action: You wait
response: You wait for a moment.

You catch an advertisement playing on the television. "Enjoy Interactive Fiction games? Want to make your own? Then get the Inform compiler and library by Graham Nelson, available in the if-archive of ftp.gmd.de."
action: You go north
response: You can't go that way.

You catch an advertisement playing on the television. "New ComputerCo(R) GlassPanels(R) operating system. How Do You Want Your Computer To Crash Today?(R)"
action: You go northeast
response: Here at the heart of the manor is an oak passageway with doorways leading to most rooms on the ground floor. You can see the great dining hall to the north, and a brass sign above the doorway to the northeast states "Kitchen", but the east and southwest exits hold no clues as to where they lead. The entrance hall is off to the south, and a sturdy door stands in the western wall.

A simple polished table lies in the southeast corner.

Scamp trots along here from the east, and sniffs at your feet.
action: You go to the south-west
response: You are in a glorious oak-panelled room, with a large fireplace to one side. This is where the family relaxes, assuming that such a monstrous family relaxes at all. An antique-style telephone rests on the mantelpiece, and a large hi-tech widescreen television sits on a video recorder in the corner. From here, you observe exits to the east and northeast.

Scamp is up to mischief here.

A young woman called Chloe sits nearby reading a book.

You can also see a video cassette here.

Scamp trots off to the northeast.

You can hear heavy footsteps nearby.

You catch an advertisement playing on the television. "Floella Witt's new book, 'The Jellied Eel Terror of Brighton', out now!" Chloe looks up briefly.
action: You wait a while
response: You wait for a moment.

You can hear heavy footsteps nearby.

You catch an advertisement playing on the television. "Get the latest in high technology with Benson's water detector. Better than two crossed branches any day!"
action: You go southwest
response: You are in a glorious oak-panelled room, with a large fireplace to one side. This is where the family relaxes, assuming that such a monstrous family relaxes at all. An antique-style telephone rests on the mantelpiece, and a large hi-tech widescreen television sits on a video recorder in the corner. From here, you observe exits to the east and northeast.

A young woman called Chloe sits nearby reading a book.

You can also see a video cassette here.

You catch an advertisement playing on the television. "In this week's Cooee!! magazine, we have an exclusive feature on the cobbler to the stars, Fernell Kleeming. Only 95p!"
action: You call 6787 on the phone
response: You are only allowed one pizza on the 'buy now, pay later' scheme.

You catch an advertisement playing on the television. "In this week's Cooee!! magazine, we have an exclusive feature on the cobbler to the stars, Fernell Kleeming. Only 95p!"
action: You ask the door about the pizza
response: "What pizza? I don't smell a pizza!"
action: You tell the bathroom about the guard
response: "Go away, I'm sulking!" Amazing, a talking door.
action: Go south
response: You stand to the south of D'Arcy manor, a building which looks like it's straight out of a low budget Bronte TV adaptation. A few modern touches help tie it to the late twentieth century, such as the burglar alarm next to the elegant stone carving of a Shakespearian-looking man above the main entrance. Immediately in front of the house is a gravel drive which acts as a car park, and a small road leads off to the south towards the main road. A slabbed path runs around both sides (east and west) of the house.

You can feel a few spots of rain on your face.
action: Go west
response: You make your way around the western side of the house, and find yourself at...

You stand to the south of D'Arcy manor, a building which looks like it's straight out of a low budget Bronte TV adaptation. A few modern touches help tie it to the late twentieth century, such as the burglar alarm next to the elegant stone carving of a Shakespearian-looking man above the main entrance. Immediately in front of the house is a gravel drive which acts as a car park, and a small road leads off to the south towards the main road. A slabbed path runs around both sides (east and west) of the house.
action: Go north
response: The grand entrance hall of D'Arcy manor evokes a twinge of jealousy within you - the grand wooden polished floors and staircase, the expensive chandelier hanging from the high ceiling, the priceless Compton painting hanging on a wall. Why can't you inherit something like this? Leaving aside feelings of bitterness, you observe a cupboard under the stairs and a bell on a table near the door to the south. Doorways (which are probably more expensive than your entire house) lead off to the east and west, and a passageway lies north.

Scamp is up to mischief here.

The mother of the bride stands in a corner fretting away to herself as only hysterical mothers can.

Scamp bounces and barks, trying to get you to play with him.
action: You play with Scamp
response: You chase Scamp around for a while, but soon tire.
action: You go to the south
response: Should Luxembourg ever suffer a famine, they need only raid this pantry to ensure that their citizens don't starve. The fruit, vegetables, meat, ingredients and drinks are all stored using technology that would put Nasa's space programme to shame. There is a tradesman's entrance to the east, but the main exit is to the north.

A pizza in a box lies conspicuously on the ground.
action: You take the pizza
response: (putting the cash tin box into the plastic supermarket bag to make room)
Taken.
action: Go west
response: The west end of the landing ends here with a small window which enables you to look out on the tiled pathway and the gardens outside. The bathroom door lies north, and another (closed) door prevents you from going south.

Scamp is up to mischief here.

A bald man in tennis gear pops his head around the bathroom door, sniffing the air. He sees the pizza you hold and opens the door widely. "Come in, come in!" he beckons.
action: You ask the door about the pizza
response: "What pizza? I don't smell a pizza!"
action: You open the pizza box
response: That's not something you can open.

Scamp looks restless but stays here for the sake of the pizza.
action: You enter the bathroom
response: Copper seems to have been chosen as the main colour for the bathroom, and it has certainly produced an, erm, interesting effect. All the standard features are here: the toilet, the bath and shower, the sink, the cabinet etc. A frosted window prevents you from looking out onto the gardens properly, as the colours seem to merge together. As you expect, there is only one exit, and that is to the south.

Uncle William sits on the side of the bath, mumbling something about his lunch being late.

You can also see a bronze key here.
action: You take the key
response: (the bronze key)
(putting the remote control into the plastic supermarket bag to make room)
Taken.
action: You give the pizza to William
response: "Thank you," he mumbles grudgingly, and starts chomping away at the pizza.
action: You ask William about the wedding
response: William acknowledges you with a grunt but little else. You are probably wasting your breath talking to him.
action: Go south
response: The west end of the landing ends here with a small window which enables you to look out on the tiled pathway and the gardens outside. The bathroom door lies north, and another (closed) door prevents you from going south.

Scamp is up to mischief here.
action: You unlock the door with bronze key
response: You unlock the hall door.
action: You open the hall door
response: You open the hall door.
action: You ask Albert about the golf
response: "Crazy golf? I'd love a game!" says Albert. In a surprising display of energy, he tears out of the house and down the garden.
action: Go north
response: A grand patio made from powder-orange slabs links the back of the house, which is to your south, with a beautiful garden to the north, beyond a gate. You look up at the house, and see a number of unrecognisable people pacing about at various windows. A grey-slabbed path runs around both sides of the house back to the front.

The gate to the north is open.
action: Go north
response: A simple pathway, immaculately tiled, leads north. Flower beds surround you, beautifully arranged, in every colour of the rainbow, and to the north east you can see a great apple tree.

The gate to the south is open.

A hole has been dug by the side of the path.
action: You go to the northeast
response: The flowers are so pretty that it would be a shame to just trample all over them.
action: You go north
response: The path from the south ends at a large crazy golf course, separated into several smaller sections, which all have crazy obstacle courses for players to putt their golf balls through in order to get to the hole. Flowerbeds are positioned dangerously close to the crazy course to the west, and a hedge blocks your progress north. You can see a tree (the only one in the garden, it seems) to the east.

Good old Uncle Albert stands nearby with a glass of brandy in one hand.
action: You play the golf
response: Albert remarks that he lost his last ball in a particularly exciting match almost a year ago, playing against the lady Mayoress. "That would have been before Godfrey died, of course," he ponders. "We were good mates even before Debs and Malc met up. You haven't got a golf ball, have you?"
action: You say no
response: (to Uncle Albert)
Albert takes a tiny sip of his brandy but doesn't say anything.
action: You ask Albert about the ball
response: "Sorry old bean, don't know much about that."

A sudden gust of wind ruffles your hair.
action: You ask Albert about the golf ball
response: "Oh no," insists Albert, "after you. You play first."
action: You say no to Albert
response: "Sorry old bean, don't know much about that."

Albert takes a tiny sip of his brandy but doesn't say anything.
action: You ask Albert about Godfrey
response: "One of my greatest friends - the most unpredictable and eccentric man I've ever met."

Sunshine momentarily bursts out through the grey cloud cover.
action: Go north
response: You can't.

You can feel a few spots of rain on your face.
action: Search hedge
response: Aha! Searching the hedge, you see a little gap underneath which is just big enough to squeeze through.

A sudden gust of wind ruffles your hair.
action: You go to the north
response: You squeeze through the gap at the bottom of the hedge.

You stand on the inside of a U-bend in a deep and fast flowing river - you are not sure of the name of it, since you didn't have much time to consult your A-to-Z on the way down, but it looks pretty much devoid of toxic waste and shopping trolleys. On the other side, you can see a field where the grass is overgrown and tall purple weeds have taken root. It reminds you of the wasteland behind your parents' house that you used to play in as a child. Anyway, the only way back is through the hole in the hedge to the south.
action: You search river
response: Peering into the water, you can see a white ball just within reach.
action: You look at the water
response: The water runs slower by the side of the U-bend facing up-river, as it hits the bank. The rest of the river is probably too dangerous to mess about with.
action: You look at the ball
response: The ball is hard and white, and has indentations all over it. It looks pretty much like a golf ball should.
action: You eat the ball
response: That's plainly inedible.
action: Describe the surroundings
response: You stand on the inside of a U-bend in a deep and fast flowing river - you are not sure of the name of it, since you didn't have much time to consult your A-to-Z on the way down, but it looks pretty much devoid of toxic waste and shopping trolleys. On the other side, you can see a field where the grass is overgrown and tall purple weeds have taken root. It reminds you of the wasteland behind your parents' house that you used to play in as a child. Anyway, the only way back is through the hole in the hedge to the south.
action: You go south
response: You squeeze through the gap at the bottom of the hedge.

The path from the south ends at a large crazy golf course, separated into several smaller sections, which all have crazy obstacle courses for players to putt their golf balls through in order to get to the hole. Flowerbeds are positioned dangerously close to the crazy course to the west, and a hedge blocks your progress north. You can see a tree (the only one in the garden, it seems) to the east.

Good old Uncle Albert stands nearby with a glass of brandy in one hand.

You can see a hole under the hedge to the north which is just about big enough to squeeze through.
action: You give the ball to Albert
response: "Just pop it down on the crazy golf course."
action: You put the ball on the course
response: You put the golf ball on the crazy golf course.
action: You play the golf
response: Albert produces two clubs from out of nowhere, and easily thrashes you at crazy golf, probably due to lots of practise on his part and lack of it on yours. The final segment holds a model of the Sphinx. Albert easily putts the ball through the small circular mouth, and in the process dislodges something trapped inside. (Needless to say, Albert beats you in this segment as well.)
action: You describe your surroundings
response: The path from the south ends at a large crazy golf course, separated into several smaller sections, which all have crazy obstacle courses for players to putt their golf balls through in order to get to the hole. Flowerbeds are positioned dangerously close to the crazy course to the west, and a hedge blocks your progress north. You can see a tree (the only one in the garden, it seems) to the east.

Good old Uncle Albert stands nearby with a glass of brandy in one hand.

You can see a hole under the hedge to the north which is just about big enough to squeeze through.

On the crazy golf course are a small steel key and a golf ball.
action: You take the steel key
response: Taken.
action: You unlock box with it
response: You unlock the cash tin box.

You can feel a few spots of rain on your face.
action: You open it
response: You open the cash tin box, revealing a diamond.
action: You examine the diamond
response: On close inspection the diamond turns out to be a poor fake, and it would take a really dim person to be fooled. It seems someone around here has a strange sense of humour.

The grey sky overhead turns a little darker, threatening rain.
action: You show the diamond to Albert
response: (first taking the diamond)
(putting the bronze key into the plastic supermarket bag to make room) Albert chuckles gently. "Trust Godfrey. He always did have an eccentric sense of humour."
action: You take the diamond
response: You already have that.

A sudden gust of wind ruffles your hair.
action: You go south
response: A simple pathway, immaculately tiled, leads north. Flower beds surround you, beautifully arranged, in every colour of the rainbow, and to the north east you can see a great apple tree.

The gate to the south is open.

A hole has been dug by the side of the path.

You can feel a few spots of rain on your face.
action: Go south
response: This vast room is presumably where the D'Arcy clan eat their meals; it reminds you too much of your old school dinner hall for you to feel entirely comfortable here. A large sturdy table sits in the centre of the room, surrounded by ten carefully-crafted chairs, and a set of antique jugs rest on stools in a small alcove in the west wall. The walls are covered in paintings which look impressive until you examine them closely and see that they are certainly not in the league of the great masters. The back garden is accessible via a door to the north, a corridor leads south, and the kitchen is through the swing doors to the east.
action: You ask the door about lock
response: "The number?" bellows the voice behind the door. "The number is 6595. Hurry!"

Banging sounds and and cries of "let me out!" are coming from the cellar door.
action: You show the diamond to guard
response: He doesn't show the slightest interest.

Sunshine momentarily bursts out through the grey cloud cover.
action: You go west
response: You make your way around the western side of the house, and find yourself at...

A grand patio made from powder-orange slabs links the back of the house, which is to your south, with a beautiful garden to the north, beyond a gate. You look up at the house, and see a number of unrecognisable people pacing about at various windows. A grey-slabbed path runs around both sides of the house back to the front.

The gate to the north is open.
action: Go south
response: This vast room is presumably where the D'Arcy clan eat their meals; it reminds you too much of your old school dinner hall for you to feel entirely comfortable here. A large sturdy table sits in the centre of the room, surrounded by ten carefully-crafted chairs, and a set of antique jugs rest on stools in a small alcove in the west wall. The walls are covered in paintings which look impressive until you examine them closely and see that they are certainly not in the league of the great masters. The back garden is accessible via a door to the north, a corridor leads south, and the kitchen is through the swing doors to the east.
action: You show the diamond to Mother
response: "What a dreadful fake, dear. Poor thing, was it all you could afford?"
action: You show the diamond to Barbara
response: Barbara examines the diamond carefully. "That would be the perfect gift for a greedy idiot."
action: You go west
response: The grand entrance hall of D'Arcy manor evokes a twinge of jealousy within you - the grand wooden polished floors and staircase, the expensive chandelier hanging from the high ceiling, the priceless Compton painting hanging on a wall. Why can't you inherit something like this? Leaving aside feelings of bitterness, you observe a cupboard under the stairs and a bell on a table near the door to the south. Doorways (which are probably more expensive than your entire house) lead off to the east and west, and a passageway lies north.

Scamp is up to mischief here.

The mother of the bride stands in a corner fretting away to herself as only hysterical mothers can.

Scamp bounces and barks, trying to get you to play with him.
action: Go west
response: You are in a glorious oak-panelled room, with a large fireplace to one side. This is where the family relaxes, assuming that such a monstrous family relaxes at all. An antique-style telephone rests on the mantelpiece, and a large hi-tech widescreen television sits on a video recorder in the corner. From here, you observe exits to the east and northeast.

A young woman called Chloe sits nearby reading a book.

You can also see a video cassette here.

You catch an advertisement playing on the television. "I'm sorry," says a luscious young woman. "I can't have a relationship with you if you don't drink Boggington's original coffee."
action: You take the tape
response: (putting the small steel key into the plastic supermarket bag to make room)
Taken.

You catch an advertisement playing on the television. A barmy couple, presumably father and daughter, drive around the countryside in some grossly expensive family car. "Daddy!" croaks the woman. "Nicola!" squeaks the man. "Daddy!" "Nicola!" This continues for an excruciatingly long time.
action: You show the diamond to Malcolm
response: Malcolm glances at the diamond and shrugs.
action: You go north
response: Here at the heart of the manor is an oak passageway with doorways leading to most rooms on the ground floor. You can see the great dining hall to the north, and a brass sign above the doorway to the northeast states "Kitchen", but the east and southwest exits hold no clues as to where they lead. The entrance hall is off to the south, and a sturdy door stands in the western wall.

Scamp is up to mischief here.

A simple polished table lies in the southeast corner.

Scamp trots off to the southwest.
action: You show the diamond to Chef
response: The chef doesn't bother looking at what you are offering; she merely screams her frustration at being interrupted.
action: Go south
response: The grand entrance hall of D'Arcy manor evokes a twinge of jealousy within you - the grand wooden polished floors and staircase, the expensive chandelier hanging from the high ceiling, the priceless Compton painting hanging on a wall. Why can't you inherit something like this? Leaving aside feelings of bitterness, you observe a cupboard under the stairs and a bell on a table near the door to the south. Doorways (which are probably more expensive than your entire house) lead off to the east and west, and a passageway lies north.

The mother of the bride stands in a corner fretting away to herself as only hysterical mothers can.

Scamp trots along here from the west, careful to avoid the Mother of the Bride who glares at him and mutters something dark under her breath.
action: Go north
response: Copper seems to have been chosen as the main colour for the bathroom, and it has certainly produced an, erm, interesting effect. All the standard features are here: the toilet, the bath and shower, the sink, the cabinet etc. A frosted window prevents you from looking out onto the gardens properly, as the colours seem to merge together. As you expect, there is only one exit, and that is to the south.

Uncle William sits on the side of the bath, mumbling something about how long it took for his lunch to be delivered.
action: You show the diamond to William
response: "I don't want that! Why on earth would I want that?"
action: You ask William about the wedding
response: William acknowledges you with a grunt but little else. You are probably wasting your breath talking to him.
action: You look in the tin box
response: The cash tin box is empty.
action: Break diamond
response: Violence should only be used as a last resort.
action: You go north
response: The path from the south ends at a large crazy golf course, separated into several smaller sections, which all have crazy obstacle courses for players to putt their golf balls through in order to get to the hole. Flowerbeds are positioned dangerously close to the crazy course to the west, and a hedge blocks your progress north. You can see a tree (the only one in the garden, it seems) to the east.

Good old Uncle Albert stands nearby with a glass of brandy in one hand.

You can see a hole under the hedge to the north which is just about big enough to squeeze through.

On the crazy golf course is a golf ball.
action: You ask Albert about Godfrey
response: "One of my greatest friends - the most unpredictable and eccentric man I've ever met."
action: You ask Albert about the diamond
response: "Sorry old bean, don't know much about that."

Sunshine momentarily bursts out through the grey cloud cover.
action: You go south
response: A grand patio made from powder-orange slabs links the back of the house, which is to your south, with a beautiful garden to the north, beyond a gate. You look up at the house, and see a number of unrecognisable people pacing about at various windows. A grey-slabbed path runs around both sides of the house back to the front.

The gate to the north is open.

You can feel a few spots of rain on your face.
action: You ask the cook about Godfrey
response: The chef stares at you, and her face turns red, but she controls herself and gets back to her work. She obviously doesn't like to be interrupted.
action: You ask the cook about the guard
response: "All these distractions!" she screams suddenly. "How am I expected to work with distractions?!" You suspect that, in this case, she is being noisy and bad tempered in order to hide something.
action: You examine the diamond
response: On close inspection the diamond turns out to be a poor fake, and it would take a really dim person to be fooled. It seems someone around here has a strange sense of humour.
action: You look at what you're carrying with you
response: You are carrying:
a video cassette
a diamond
a plastic supermarket bag
a small steel key
a bronze key
a remote control
a cash tin box (which is open but empty)
a Battlebase episode guide
a spade
a small brass key
a wedding programme
action: You examine the staff
response: They are all busy working on the food for the reception. You don't want to interrupt them.
action: Kiss cook
response: She glances at you as she slams her cleaver into a joint of beef. It occurs to you that going anywhere near her would be a bad idea.
action: You show box to guard
response: Which do you mean, the cash tin box or the burglar alarm?
action: Tin
response: (first taking the cash tin box)
(putting the diamond into the plastic supermarket bag to make room)
He doesn't show the slightest interest.
action: You go to the north
response: "Oi! Where do you think you're going?" The guard takes great delight in rugby-tackling you to the floor and dragging you back out onto the pebbled car park. "Authoria... Authiroz... authorthised... proper people only!". You've probably just made his day.
action: You go west
response: You make your way around the western side of the house, and find yourself at...

A grand patio made from powder-orange slabs links the back of the house, which is to your south, with a beautiful garden to the north, beyond a gate. You look up at the house, and see a number of unrecognisable people pacing about at various windows. A grey-slabbed path runs around both sides of the house back to the front.

The gate to the north is open.

Scamp is up to mischief here.
action: You ask Scamp about the cook
response: "Woof."

Scamp trots off to the south.
action: You go south
response: This vast room is presumably where the D'Arcy clan eat their meals; it reminds you too much of your old school dinner hall for you to feel entirely comfortable here. A large sturdy table sits in the centre of the room, surrounded by ten carefully-crafted chairs, and a set of antique jugs rest on stools in a small alcove in the west wall. The walls are covered in paintings which look impressive until you examine them closely and see that they are certainly not in the league of the great masters. The back garden is accessible via a door to the north, a corridor leads south, and the kitchen is through the swing doors to the east.

Scamp is up to mischief here.
action: You ask Scamp about the guard
response: "Woof."

Scamp stretches and yawns.
action: You turn on tv
response: Chloe tuts, clearly unhappy that you're disturbing her reading.

You catch an advertisement playing on the television. "Fly Great Kingdom Airlines, we guarantee superb service... But don't dare complain about us or we'll break down your door and knock your teeth in, understand?"
action: You put the tape in the recorder
response: You slide the cassette into the vcr, which swallows it with a whirring of motors.

You catch an advertisement playing on the television. "I'm burning oh so burning with desire yes desire and i see i see paradise... Pheww Aftershave, by Laboratorium Stinken."
action: You press eject
response: [ Try PRESS <button> ON VIDEO RECORDER. ]

An electronic snowstorm, accompanied by a buzzing noise, plays on the television.
action: You wait for a while
response: You wait for a moment.

Static hisses from the television.

With a <clunk!>, the video recorder stops rewinding the tape.
action: Wait
response: You wait for a moment.

Static hisses from the television.
action: You wait
response: You wait for a moment.

Static hisses from the television.

The video recorder emits a series of clicking noises, then starts to rewind.

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
action: You wait
response: You wait for a moment.

Static hisses from the television.

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
action: You wait a while
response: You wait for a moment.

An electronic snowstorm, accompanied by a buzzing noise, plays on the television.
action: Wait
response: You wait for a moment.

An electronic snowstorm, accompanied by a buzzing noise, plays on the television.

The picture suddenly blacks out, and the video recorder begins to rewind.

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
action: You press stop
response: [ Try PRESS <button> ON VIDEO RECORDER. ]

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
action: Examine cassette
response: A three-hour video cassette, just over half-way through the tape.
action: You press the PLAY on the recorder
response: Nothing happens.
action: You insert the cassette
response: What do you want to insert the video cassette in?
action: You look at the tape
response: A three-hour video cassette, almost at the end of the tape.
action: You examine the recorder
response: A slim, sleek model with a slot for cassettes and the buttons REW, PLAY, FF, STOP and EJECT underneath.

The video recorder is currently switched on.
action: You press PLAY on the recorder
response: The video recorder gives a <clunk!> as it abruptly stops winding, and prepares to play.

An electronic snowstorm, accompanied by a buzzing noise, plays on the television.
action: Examine tv
response: The television is large, with a wide screen and large speakers at either side. You can see a power switch but not the means to change channels - maybe that is done with a remote control.

The television is currently switched on.

An electronic snowstorm, accompanied by a buzzing noise, plays on the television.

The picture suddenly blacks out, and the video recorder begins to rewind.

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
action: You go east
response: The grand entrance hall of D'Arcy manor evokes a twinge of jealousy within you - the grand wooden polished floors and staircase, the expensive chandelier hanging from the high ceiling, the priceless Compton painting hanging on a wall. Why can't you inherit something like this? Leaving aside feelings of bitterness, you observe a cupboard under the stairs and a bell on a table near the door to the south. Doorways (which are probably more expensive than your entire house) lead off to the east and west, and a passageway lies north.

The mother of the bride stands in a corner fretting away to herself as only hysterical mothers can.

Scamp is about to disappear out of the front door when he stops suddenly, sniffs the air and decides against it.
action: You switch on the tv
response: That's already on.
action: Wait
response: You wait for a moment.

A schools programme plays on the television.
action: You look at the tv
response: The television is large, with a wide screen and large speakers at either side. You can see a power switch but not the means to change channels - maybe that is done with a remote control.

The television is currently switched on.

A schools programme plays on the television.
action: You press 3 on the remote
response: The television flicks to channel 3.

You catch an advertisement playing on the television. "In this week's Cooee!! magazine, we have an exclusive feature on the cobbler to the stars, Fernell Kleeming. Only 95p!"
action: You examine the recorder
response: A slim, sleek model with a slot for cassettes and the buttons REW, PLAY, FF, STOP and EJECT underneath.

The video recorder is currently switched on.

You catch an advertisement playing on the television. "Enjoy Interactive Fiction games? Want to make your own? Then get the Inform compiler and library by Graham Nelson, available in the if-archive of ftp.gmd.de."
action: You press the PLAY on the recorder
response: With a lot of effort, the video recorder wakes up and starts playing the tape.

You catch an advertisement playing on the television. "I'm burning oh so burning with desire yes desire and i see i see paradise... Pheww Aftershave, by Laboratorium Stinken."
action: You ask the door about the lock
response: "The number?" bellows the voice behind the door. "The number is 6229. Hurry!"
action: You go to the east
response: Everything in this room looks as if it has taken many weeks to carve, with the exception of dodgy book covers protecting some of the awful literature stored here. A vast array of books lie on the two huge shelves, ranging from the ancient to the modern. The curtains are closed, so for light you are reliant on the lamps which are quite attractive mock-ups of candles in candlesticks. An oak table sits in the centre of the room, a grand throne-like chair beside it, for anyone feeling particularly studious. A room lies to the south, and a corridor is out to the west.
action: Go southwest
response: You are in a glorious oak-panelled room, with a large fireplace to one side. This is where the family relaxes, assuming that such a monstrous family relaxes at all. An antique-style telephone rests on the mantelpiece, and a large hi-tech widescreen television sits on a video recorder in the corner. From here, you observe exits to the east and northeast.

A young woman called Chloe sits nearby reading a book.

You can hear heavy footsteps nearby.

Static hisses from the television.
action: You look at the tv
response: The television is large, with a wide screen and large speakers at either side. You can see a power switch but not the means to change channels - maybe that is done with a remote control.

The television is currently switched on.

You can hear heavy footsteps nearby.

Static hisses from the television.
action: You wait
response: You wait for a moment.

You can hear heavy footsteps nearby.

Static hisses from the television.
action: Go northeast
response: Here at the heart of the manor is an oak passageway with doorways leading to most rooms on the ground floor. You can see the great dining hall to the north, and a brass sign above the doorway to the northeast states "Kitchen", but the east and southwest exits hold no clues as to where they lead. The entrance hall is off to the south, and a sturdy door stands in the western wall.

A simple polished table lies in the southeast corner.

The cellar door hangs open invitingly to the west.

You can also see a security guard here.

To your horror, and to his glee, you walk straight into the security guard. He takes great delight in lifting you up and ejecting you out of the house. "Your name's not down, you're NOT - COMING - IN!" he bellows.

You stand to the south of D'Arcy manor, a building which looks like it's straight out of a low budget Bronte TV adaptation. A few modern touches help tie it to the late twentieth century, such as the burglar alarm next to the elegant stone carving of a Shakespearian-looking man above the main entrance. Immediately in front of the house is a gravel drive which acts as a car park, and a small road leads off to the south towards the main road. A slabbed path runs around both sides (east and west) of the house.

You can see a security guard here.
action: Go southwest
response: You are in a glorious oak-panelled room, with a large fireplace to one side. This is where the family relaxes, assuming that such a monstrous family relaxes at all. An antique-style telephone rests on the mantelpiece, and a large hi-tech widescreen television sits on a video recorder in the corner. From here, you observe exits to the east and northeast.

A young woman called Chloe sits nearby reading a book.

Static hisses from the television.
action: You take the tv
response: That's hardly portable.

Static hisses from the television.
action: You look at the leds
response: Four LEDS flicker excitedly on the lock, but it isn't immediately apparent how to activate it. A sticker on one side states that it is tamper-proof.

You can hear heavy footsteps nearby.
action: You go west
response: Considering the high technology that has gone into guarding this area, the cellar is surprisingly lo-tech. One very dull fluorescent tube casts gloomy light over the brick walls. The air is damp; cobwebs line the ceiling. A tunnel disappears off into the darkness to the northeast, and a set of stone steps lead east up to the passageway.

Discarded carelessly on a crate is something which declares itself to be a water detector.

You don't notice the security guard bearing down on you until it is too late. "Gotcha!" he snarls, and drags you kicking and screaming out of the house. "Behave, you!" he bellows like an impatient father, and as you pick yourself up, you think spiteful thoughts involving the security guard and several tonnes of space debris falling to earth.

You stand to the south of D'Arcy manor, a building which looks like it's straight out of a low budget Bronte TV adaptation. A few modern touches help tie it to the late twentieth century, such as the burglar alarm next to the elegant stone carving of a Shakespearian-looking man above the main entrance. Immediately in front of the house is a gravel drive which acts as a car park, and a small road leads off to the south towards the main road. A slabbed path runs around both sides (east and west) of the house.

You can see a security guard here.
action: You ask the door about lock
response: "The number?" bellows the voice behind the door. "The number is 6229. Hurry!"

Banging sounds and and cries of "let me out!" are coming from the cellar door.
action: You examine the door
response: A solid metal door with the word CELLAR etched into the surface. It has an electronic lock.

You can hear heavy footsteps nearby.
action: You examine the lock
response: Four LEDS flicker excitedly on the lock, but it isn't immediately apparent how to activate it. A sticker on one side states that it is tamper-proof.

You can hear heavy footsteps nearby.
action: You open the door
response: It seems to be locked.

You don't notice the security guard bearing down on you until it is too late. "Gotcha!" he snarls, and drags you kicking and screaming out of the house. "Behave, you!" he bellows like an impatient father, and as you pick yourself up, you think spiteful thoughts involving the security guard and several tonnes of space debris falling to earth.

You stand to the south of D'Arcy manor, a building which looks like it's straight out of a low budget Bronte TV adaptation. A few modern touches help tie it to the late twentieth century, such as the burglar alarm next to the elegant stone carving of a Shakespearian-looking man above the main entrance. Immediately in front of the house is a gravel drive which acts as a car park, and a small road leads off to the south towards the main road. A slabbed path runs around both sides (east and west) of the house.

You can see a security guard here.
action: You take the recorder
response: That's hardly portable.

You can hear heavy footsteps nearby.

Static hisses from the television.
action: Go northeast
response: Here at the heart of the manor is an oak passageway with doorways leading to most rooms on the ground floor. You can see the great dining hall to the north, and a brass sign above the doorway to the northeast states "Kitchen", but the east and southwest exits hold no clues as to where they lead. The entrance hall is off to the south, and a sturdy door stands in the western wall.

A simple polished table lies in the southeast corner.

The cellar door hangs open invitingly to the west.

You can also see a security guard here.

To your horror, and to his glee, you walk straight into the security guard. He takes great delight in lifting you up and ejecting you out of the house. "Your name's not down, you're NOT - COMING - IN!" he bellows.

You stand to the south of D'Arcy manor, a building which looks like it's straight out of a low budget Bronte TV adaptation. A few modern touches help tie it to the late twentieth century, such as the burglar alarm next to the elegant stone carving of a Shakespearian-looking man above the main entrance. Immediately in front of the house is a gravel drive which acts as a car park, and a small road leads off to the south towards the main road. A slabbed path runs around both sides (east and west) of the house.

You can see a security guard here.
action: You check your inventory
response: You are carrying:
a cash tin box (which is open but empty)
a plastic supermarket bag
a diamond
a small steel key
a bronze key
a remote control
a Battlebase episode guide
a spade
a small brass key
a wedding programme
action: You examine remote
response: The slightly dirty television remote control has a vast array of buttons on it. The most obvious ones are labelled 1 to 9, for changing channels.
action: You give remote to the guard
response: (first taking the remote control)
He doesn't show the slightest interest.

You can feel a few spots of rain on your face.
action: You put the remote on the table
response: You put the remote control on the simple table.
action: Go northeast
response: Here at the heart of the manor is an oak passageway with doorways leading to most rooms on the ground floor. You can see the great dining hall to the north, and a brass sign above the doorway to the northeast states "Kitchen", but the east and southwest exits hold no clues as to where they lead. The entrance hall is off to the south, and a sturdy door stands in the western wall.

A simple polished table lies in the southeast corner.

On the simple table is a remote control.

The cellar door hangs open invitingly to the west.
action: Go southwest
response: You are in a glorious oak-panelled room, with a large fireplace to one side. This is where the family relaxes, assuming that such a monstrous family relaxes at all. An antique-style telephone rests on the mantelpiece, and a large hi-tech widescreen television sits on a video recorder in the corner. From here, you observe exits to the east and northeast.

A young woman called Chloe sits nearby reading a book.

Static hisses from the television.
action: You look at the vcr
response: A slim, sleek model with a slot for cassettes and the buttons REW, PLAY, FF, STOP and EJECT underneath.

The video recorder is currently switched on.

Static hisses from the television.
action: You look in the slot
response: You find nothing of interest.

You can hear heavy footsteps nearby.

Static hisses from the television.
action: You go northeast
response: Here at the heart of the manor is an oak passageway with doorways leading to most rooms on the ground floor. You can see the great dining hall to the north, and a brass sign above the doorway to the northeast states "Kitchen", but the east and southwest exits hold no clues as to where they lead. The entrance hall is off to the south, and a sturdy door stands in the western wall.

A simple polished table lies in the southeast corner.

On the simple table is a remote control.

The cellar door hangs open invitingly to the west.

You can also see a security guard here.

To your horror, and to his glee, you walk straight into the security guard. He takes great delight in lifting you up and ejecting you out of the house. "Your name's not down, you're NOT - COMING - IN!" he bellows.

You stand to the south of D'Arcy manor, a building which looks like it's straight out of a low budget Bronte TV adaptation. A few modern touches help tie it to the late twentieth century, such as the burglar alarm next to the elegant stone carving of a Shakespearian-looking man above the main entrance. Immediately in front of the house is a gravel drive which acts as a car park, and a small road leads off to the south towards the main road. A slabbed path runs around both sides (east and west) of the house.

You can see a security guard here.
action: Go northeast
response: Here at the heart of the manor is an oak passageway with doorways leading to most rooms on the ground floor. You can see the great dining hall to the north, and a brass sign above the doorway to the northeast states "Kitchen", but the east and southwest exits hold no clues as to where they lead. The entrance hall is off to the south, and a sturdy door stands in the western wall.

A simple polished table lies in the southeast corner.

On the simple table is a remote control.
action: You put the diamond on the table
response: You put the diamond on the simple table.
action: You call 911 on the phone
response: No reply. (If you were trying to contact the emergency services, the number in the UK is 999.)

You can hear heavy footsteps nearby.

Static hisses from the television.
action: You call 999 on the phone
response: Okay, the situation's serious, but surely you don't need to involve the emergency services.

Static hisses from the television.
action: Go northeast
response: Here at the heart of the manor is an oak passageway with doorways leading to most rooms on the ground floor. You can see the great dining hall to the north, and a brass sign above the doorway to the northeast states "Kitchen", but the east and southwest exits hold no clues as to where they lead. The entrance hall is off to the south, and a sturdy door stands in the western wall.

A simple polished table lies in the southeast corner.

On the simple table is a diamond.

The cellar door hangs open invitingly to the west.
action: You ask the door about the lock
response: "The number?" bellows the voice behind the door. "The number is 9939. Hurry!"

Banging sounds and and cries of "let me out!" are coming from the cellar door.
action: Go north
response: The path from the south ends at a large crazy golf course, separated into several smaller sections, which all have crazy obstacle courses for players to putt their golf balls through in order to get to the hole. Flowerbeds are positioned dangerously close to the crazy course to the west, and a hedge blocks your progress north. You can see a tree (the only one in the garden, it seems) to the east.

Good old Uncle Albert stands nearby with a glass of brandy in one hand.

You can see a hole under the hedge to the north which is just about big enough to squeeze through.

On the crazy golf course is a golf ball.

Sunshine momentarily bursts out through the grey cloud cover.
action: You go to the north
response: You squeeze through the gap at the bottom of the hedge.

You stand on the inside of a U-bend in a deep and fast flowing river - you are not sure of the name of it, since you didn't have much time to consult your A-to-Z on the way down, but it looks pretty much devoid of toxic waste and shopping trolleys. On the other side, you can see a field where the grass is overgrown and tall purple weeds have taken root. It reminds you of the wasteland behind your parents' house that you used to play in as a child. Anyway, the only way back is through the hole in the hedge to the south.
action: Swim
response: The river is too dangerous to swim in.
action: You go south
response: You squeeze through the gap at the bottom of the hedge.

The path from the south ends at a large crazy golf course, separated into several smaller sections, which all have crazy obstacle courses for players to putt their golf balls through in order to get to the hole. Flowerbeds are positioned dangerously close to the crazy course to the west, and a hedge blocks your progress north. You can see a tree (the only one in the garden, it seems) to the east.

Good old Uncle Albert stands nearby with a glass of brandy in one hand.

You can see a hole under the hedge to the north which is just about big enough to squeeze through.

On the crazy golf course is a golf ball.
action: You play the golf
response: Albert easily thrashes you on the first course, and you remember your past losses and throw in the towel. "Bad luck," he says smugly.

A sudden gust of wind ruffles your hair.
action: You take the ball
response: (putting the remote control into the plastic supermarket bag to make room)
Taken.
action: You go to the south
response: A simple pathway, immaculately tiled, leads north. Flower beds surround you, beautifully arranged, in every colour of the rainbow, and to the north east you can see a great apple tree.

The gate to the south is open.

A hole has been dug by the side of the path.

A sudden gust of wind ruffles your hair.
action: You go to the south
response: The grand entrance hall of D'Arcy manor evokes a twinge of jealousy within you - the grand wooden polished floors and staircase, the expensive chandelier hanging from the high ceiling, the priceless Compton painting hanging on a wall. Why can't you inherit something like this? Leaving aside feelings of bitterness, you observe a cupboard under the stairs and a bell on a table near the door to the south. Doorways (which are probably more expensive than your entire house) lead off to the east and west, and a passageway lies north.

Scamp is up to mischief here.

The mother of the bride stands in a corner fretting away to herself as only hysterical mothers can.

Scamp sniffs at your hands for food.
action: You ask Scamp,  to go north
response: Scamp follows your lead excitedly.

Here at the heart of the manor is an oak passageway with doorways leading to most rooms on the ground floor. You can see the great dining hall to the north, and a brass sign above the doorway to the northeast states "Kitchen", but the east and southwest exits hold no clues as to where they lead. The entrance hall is off to the south, and a sturdy door stands in the western wall.

Scamp is up to mischief here.

A simple polished table lies in the southeast corner.
action: Go south
response: The grand entrance hall of D'Arcy manor evokes a twinge of jealousy within you - the grand wooden polished floors and staircase, the expensive chandelier hanging from the high ceiling, the priceless Compton painting hanging on a wall. Why can't you inherit something like this? Leaving aside feelings of bitterness, you observe a cupboard under the stairs and a bell on a table near the door to the south. Doorways (which are probably more expensive than your entire house) lead off to the east and west, and a passageway lies north.

The mother of the bride stands in a corner fretting away to herself as only hysterical mothers can.

Scamp trots along here from the north, careful to avoid the Mother of the Bride who glares at him and mutters something dark under her breath.
action: You ask William about the pizza
response: "I've already eaten!" he snaps.
action: You ask the door about the number
response: "The number?" bellows the voice behind the door. "The number is 4528. Hurry!"
action: Go west
response: You can't, since the cellar door is in the way.

Scamp trots along here from the south, and sniffs at your feet.
action: You ask Scamp,  to go northeast
response: Scamp follows your lead excitedly.

The kitchen staff are hard at work on the meal for the reception, and from their progress so far, you'd say that they are making enough food to keep the Royal family well fed for a good few months. To the west, a swing-door leads into the dining hall, and the main exit is to the southwest. A pantry lies to the south.

Scamp is up to mischief here.

A pompous and temperamental chef stands around shouting at the staff and chopping things up.
action: You ask Scamp,  to go south
response: Scamp follows your lead excitedly.

Should Luxembourg ever suffer a famine, they need only raid this pantry to ensure that their citizens don't starve. The fruit, vegetables, meat, ingredients and drinks are all stored using technology that would put Nasa's space programme to shame. There is a tradesman's entrance to the east, but the main exit is to the north.

Scamp is up to mischief here.
action: You feed Scamp
response: What do you want to feed Scamp?
action: You look at Scamp
response: This excitable Alsatian puppy is exhausting to watch. He bounces, he sniffs for food, he throws up paws for passers-by to stroke, and he rarely stays still in one place for long.
action: You ask Scamp,  to go south
response: Scamp follows your lead excitedly.

The grand entrance hall of D'Arcy manor evokes a twinge of jealousy within you - the grand wooden polished floors and staircase, the expensive chandelier hanging from the high ceiling, the priceless Compton painting hanging on a wall. Why can't you inherit something like this? Leaving aside feelings of bitterness, you observe a cupboard under the stairs and a bell on a table near the door to the south. Doorways (which are probably more expensive than your entire house) lead off to the east and west, and a passageway lies north.

Scamp is up to mischief here.

The mother of the bride stands in a corner fretting away to herself as only hysterical mothers can.
action: You ask Scamp,  to go south
response: Scamp is about to disappear out of the front door when he stops suddenly, sniffs the air and decides against it.
action: You press 4 on the remote
response: The lock blips anonymously.

Scamp trots off to the northeast.
action: Go west
response: This vast room is presumably where the D'Arcy clan eat their meals; it reminds you too much of your old school dinner hall for you to feel entirely comfortable here. A large sturdy table sits in the centre of the room, surrounded by ten carefully-crafted chairs, and a set of antique jugs rest on stools in a small alcove in the west wall. The walls are covered in paintings which look impressive until you examine them closely and see that they are certainly not in the league of the great masters. The back garden is accessible via a door to the north, a corridor leads south, and the kitchen is through the swing doors to the east.

Scamp is up to mischief here.

Scamp bounces and barks, trying to get you to play with him.
action: You press 8 on the remote
response: There is a click. Then, with an electronic fanfare, the cellar door swings open.
action: Go west
response: Considering the high technology that has gone into guarding this area, the cellar is surprisingly lo-tech. One very dull fluorescent tube casts gloomy light over the brick walls. The air is damp; cobwebs line the ceiling. A tunnel disappears off into the darkness to the northeast, and a set of stone steps lead east up to the passageway.

Discarded carelessly on a crate is something which declares itself to be a water detector.
action: You take the detector
response: (putting the diamond into the plastic supermarket bag to make room) Taken.
action: You examine the detector
response: It has the appearance of one of those dodgy-looking devices you find in novelty catalogues - a chunky cousin to the TV remote control. "Benson's Water Detector" reads the fancy lettering above a single button.
action: Examine crate
response: Stamped on one side is the message "Produce of Crete", but the crate itself is empty. How about that, a crate from Crete.
action: Go northeast
response: The narrow passage ends at a wooden door barring your way northeast. This damp air is not good for your chest, and you are worried that the walls might close in or collapse around you. Must be claustrophobia. The main cellar, positively cosy compared to this part, is back down to the southwest.
action: You examine the door
response: The door is large and imposing.
action: You open the door
response: You try pulling the handle, but the door is jammed.
action: Go southwest
response: Considering the high technology that has gone into guarding this area, the cellar is surprisingly lo-tech. One very dull fluorescent tube casts gloomy light over the brick walls. The air is damp; cobwebs line the ceiling. A tunnel disappears off into the darkness to the northeast, and a set of stone steps lead east up to the passageway.

Perhaps the family has just emptied the cellar, or is about to fill it: there certainly isn't anything of any value here at the moment, only an empty crate.
action: You go upwards
response: Here at the heart of the manor is an oak passageway with doorways leading to most rooms on the ground floor. You can see the great dining hall to the north, and a brass sign above the doorway to the northeast states "Kitchen", but the east and southwest exits hold no clues as to where they lead. The entrance hall is off to the south, and a sturdy door stands in the western wall.

A simple polished table lies in the southeast corner.

The cellar door hangs open invitingly to the west.
action: Go north
response: The path from the south ends at a large crazy golf course, separated into several smaller sections, which all have crazy obstacle courses for players to putt their golf balls through in order to get to the hole. Flowerbeds are positioned dangerously close to the crazy course to the west, and a hedge blocks your progress north. You can see a tree (the only one in the garden, it seems) to the east.

Good old Uncle Albert stands nearby with a glass of brandy in one hand.

You can see a hole under the hedge to the north which is just about big enough to squeeze through.
action: Go north
response: The hedge prevents you from moving north.

The grey sky overhead turns a little darker, threatening rain.
action: Go south
response: No! You mustn't trample all over the delicate flowerbed!

The grey sky overhead turns a little darker, threatening rain.
action: You go west
response: The path from the south ends at a large crazy golf course, separated into several smaller sections, which all have crazy obstacle courses for players to putt their golf balls through in order to get to the hole. Flowerbeds are positioned dangerously close to the crazy course to the west, and a hedge blocks your progress north. You can see a tree (the only one in the garden, it seems) to the east.

Good old Uncle Albert stands nearby with a glass of brandy in one hand.

You can see a hole under the hedge to the north which is just about big enough to squeeze through.
action: You go to the south
response: A simple pathway, immaculately tiled, leads north. Flower beds surround you, beautifully arranged, in every colour of the rainbow, and to the north east you can see a great apple tree.

The gate to the south is open.

Scamp is up to mischief here.

A hole has been dug by the side of the path.
action: Go downwards
response: You can't go that way.

Scamp trots along here from the north, and sniffs at your feet.

Sunshine momentarily bursts out through the grey cloud cover.
action: Go south
response: This vast room is presumably where the D'Arcy clan eat their meals; it reminds you too much of your old school dinner hall for you to feel entirely comfortable here. A large sturdy table sits in the centre of the room, surrounded by ten carefully-crafted chairs, and a set of antique jugs rest on stools in a small alcove in the west wall. The walls are covered in paintings which look impressive until you examine them closely and see that they are certainly not in the league of the great masters. The back garden is accessible via a door to the north, a corridor leads south, and the kitchen is through the swing doors to the east.

Scamp trots along here from the north, and sniffs at your feet.
action: You go to the north
response: "I don't think so, sunbeam," says the nasty looking guard. He probably heard that line on an old episode of The Bill and has desperately longed for an opportunity to say it since.

Sunshine momentarily bursts out through the grey cloud cover.
action: You go west
response: You make your way around the western side of the house, and find yourself at...

A grand patio made from powder-orange slabs links the back of the house, which is to your south, with a beautiful garden to the north, beyond a gate. You look up at the house, and see a number of unrecognisable people pacing about at various windows. A grey-slabbed path runs around both sides of the house back to the front.

The gate to the north is open.
action: You go south
response: This vast room is presumably where the D'Arcy clan eat their meals; it reminds you too much of your old school dinner hall for you to feel entirely comfortable here. A large sturdy table sits in the centre of the room, surrounded by ten carefully-crafted chairs, and a set of antique jugs rest on stools in a small alcove in the west wall. The walls are covered in paintings which look impressive until you examine them closely and see that they are certainly not in the league of the great masters. The back garden is accessible via a door to the north, a corridor leads south, and the kitchen is through the swing doors to the east.

Scamp is up to mischief here.
action: Go northeast
response: Here at the heart of the manor is an oak passageway with doorways leading to most rooms on the ground floor. You can see the great dining hall to the north, and a brass sign above the doorway to the northeast states "Kitchen", but the east and southwest exits hold no clues as to where they lead. The entrance hall is off to the south, and a sturdy door stands in the western wall.

Scamp is up to mischief here.

A simple polished table lies in the southeast corner.

The cellar door hangs open invitingly to the west.

Scamp stretches and yawns.
action: You wait
response: You wait for a moment.

Scamp sits and watches you curiously.

You can hear heavy footsteps nearby.
action: You wait
response: You wait for a moment.

Banging sounds and and cries of "let me out!" are coming from the cellar door.
action: You ask the door about Malcolm
response: "Oi, you!" calls the voice behind the door. "Get me out of here! Unlock the door!"

Banging sounds and and cries of "let me out!" are coming from the cellar door.
action: You ask the door about the note
response: "Oi, you!" calls the voice behind the door. "Get me out of here! Unlock the door!"

Scamp trots off to the east.

Banging sounds and and cries of "let me out!" are coming from the cellar door.
action: You stay
response: "Woof."

Banging sounds and and cries of "let me out!" are coming from the cellar door.
action: You ask the door about the lock
response: "The number?" bellows the voice behind the door. "The number is 4528. Hurry!"

Scamp claws at the cellar door, but lack of success deters him.

Banging sounds and and cries of "let me out!" are coming from the cellar door.
action: You go north
response: This vast room is presumably where the D'Arcy clan eat their meals; it reminds you too much of your old school dinner hall for you to feel entirely comfortable here. A large sturdy table sits in the centre of the room, surrounded by ten carefully-crafted chairs, and a set of antique jugs rest on stools in a small alcove in the west wall. The walls are covered in paintings which look impressive until you examine them closely and see that they are certainly not in the league of the great masters. The back garden is accessible via a door to the north, a corridor leads south, and the kitchen is through the swing doors to the east.

Scamp is up to mischief here.
action: You turn on the tap
response: That's not something you can switch.

Scamp trots along here from the west, and is immediately spotted by the Chef. "Get that thing out of here!" she screams at you, as if you are responsible for Scamp. He stands his ground, snarling slightly, and the Chef turns away hurriedly and gets on with something else.
action: You ask Chef about the guard
response: "All these distractions!" she screams suddenly. "How am I expected to work with distractions?!" You suspect that, in this case, she is being noisy and bad tempered in order to hide something.
action: You bite chef
response: "Woof."
action: You examine the diamond
response: On close inspection the diamond turns out to be a poor fake, and it would take a really dim person to be fooled. It seems someone around here has a strange sense of humour.

Scamp trots off to the southwest.
action: You give the diamond to Chef
response: (first taking the diamond)
(putting the golf ball into the plastic supermarket bag to make room) The chef doesn't bother looking at what you are offering; she merely screams her frustration at being interrupted.
action: Go southwest
response: You are in a glorious oak-panelled room, with a large fireplace to one side. This is where the family relaxes, assuming that such a monstrous family relaxes at all. An antique-style telephone rests on the mantelpiece, and a large hi-tech widescreen television sits on a video recorder in the corner. From here, you observe exits to the east and northeast.

Scamp is up to mischief here.

A young woman called Chloe sits nearby reading a book.

Scamp trots off to the east.

Static hisses from the television.
action: Go east
response: The grand entrance hall of D'Arcy manor evokes a twinge of jealousy within you - the grand wooden polished floors and staircase, the expensive chandelier hanging from the high ceiling, the priceless Compton painting hanging on a wall. Why can't you inherit something like this? Leaving aside feelings of bitterness, you observe a cupboard under the stairs and a bell on a table near the door to the south. Doorways (which are probably more expensive than your entire house) lead off to the east and west, and a passageway lies north.

Scamp is up to mischief here.

The mother of the bride stands in a corner fretting away to herself as only hysterical mothers can.

Scamp sniffs at your hands for food.
action: You go to the east
response: This room has the air of a gentleman's private study area, though recently it appears to have been taken over by the lady of the house (that is, Sheryl D'Arcy). A hardboard set of shelves against one wall looks completely out of place amid the antique furniture and the gorgeous circular shaped painting on the ceiling. Embroidery rests on a pouffe to one side, and several packs of wool tower alongside the shelves. The front entrance is out to the west, and there is another room to the north.

Scamp is up to mischief here.

Barbara, an aunt of the bride, sits on an armchair with her legs crossed and her hands interlocked.
action: You show the detector to Barbara
response: Barbara examines the water detector carefully. "You might want to keep hold of this - it could be useful."
action: You check your inventory
response: You are carrying:
a diamond
a water detector
a plastic supermarket bag
a golf ball
a remote control
a cash tin box (which is open but empty)
a small steel key
a bronze key
a Battlebase episode guide
a spade
a small brass key
a wedding programme
action: You show the golf ball to Barbara
response: (first taking the golf ball)
(putting the water detector into the plastic supermarket bag to make room)
Barbara examines the golf ball carefully. "You might want to play golf with it, if you haven't already."
action: You show Guide to Barbara
response: (first taking the Battlebase episode guide)
(putting the diamond into the plastic supermarket bag to make room) Barbara examines the Battlebase episode guide carefully. "My daughter, Chloe, is an absolute devotee. Have you asked her about it yet?"
action: You show the spade to Barbara
response: (first taking the spade)
(putting the golf ball into the plastic supermarket bag to make room) Barbara examines the spade carefully. "Ideal for digging with, I'd say."
action: You show the remote to Barbara
response: (first taking the remote control)
(putting the Battlebase episode guide into the plastic supermarket bag to make room)
Barbara examines the remote control carefully. "This is for the television in the drawing room. Chloe might get annoyed if you switch it on, though."
action: You press the eject on the vcr
response: The video recorder spits out a cassette, which lands neatly on the floor.

Static hisses from the television.
action: You take tape
response: (putting the spade into the plastic supermarket bag to make room) Taken.

Static hisses from the television.
action: You show the tape to Barbara
response: Barbara examines the video cassette carefully. "You might want to record something on this."
action: You look at the box
response: (the burglar alarm)
From here, all you can see is a white box with the name of a security company on it. A blue light flickers intermittently on its side, suggesting that it is active.

The grey sky overhead turns a little darker, threatening rain.
action: Go upwards
response: You can't go that way.

A sudden gust of wind ruffles your hair.
action: You ask the guard about the camera
response: "Your name's not down, you're not coming in."

A sudden gust of wind ruffles your hair.
action: You examine the guard
response: Gone are the charming doormen of yesteryear, to be replaced by nasty-looking guards from private security firms. This chappy is no different, in his stark navy blue uniform and peaked cap. He seems to have taken a particular dislike to you, though, and watches you carefully, a sneer on his face.

A sudden gust of wind ruffles your hair.
action: You describe your surroundings
response: You stand to the south of D'Arcy manor, a building which looks like it's straight out of a low budget Bronte TV adaptation. A few modern touches help tie it to the late twentieth century, such as the burglar alarm next to the elegant stone carving of a Shakespearian-looking man above the main entrance. Immediately in front of the house is a gravel drive which acts as a car park, and a small road leads off to the south towards the main road. A slabbed path runs around both sides (east and west) of the house.

You can see a security guard here.

You can feel a few spots of rain on your face.
action: You go south
response: A grand patio made from powder-orange slabs links the back of the house, which is to your south, with a beautiful garden to the north, beyond a gate. You look up at the house, and see a number of unrecognisable people pacing about at various windows. A grey-slabbed path runs around both sides of the house back to the front.

The gate to the north is open.

Scamp trots along here from the south, and sniffs at your feet.
action: Go east
response: You make your way around the eastern side of the house, and find yourself at...

You stand to the south of D'Arcy manor, a building which looks like it's straight out of a low budget Bronte TV adaptation. A few modern touches help tie it to the late twentieth century, such as the burglar alarm next to the elegant stone carving of a Shakespearian-looking man above the main entrance. Immediately in front of the house is a gravel drive which acts as a car park, and a small road leads off to the south towards the main road. A slabbed path runs around both sides (east and west) of the house.

You can see a security guard here.

You can feel a few spots of rain on your face.
action: Go west
response: The mother of the bride stands in a corner fretting away to herself as only hysterical mothers can.
action: You go north
response: A staircase at the other side of the door takes you up to...

Your old college chum Malcolm hovers close by.
action: You show the cassette to Malcolm
response: Malcolm glances at the video cassette and shrugs.
action: You ask Malcolm about the guard
response: "I never did trust that guard."
action: Inventory
response: You are carrying:
a video cassette
a remote control
a plastic supermarket bag
a spade
a Battlebase episode guide
a golf ball
a diamond
a water detector
a cash tin box (which is open but empty)
a small steel key
a bronze key
a small brass key
a wedding programme
action: You examine Malcolm
response: He doesn't look a day older than he did five years ago. Mind you, he seems a bit pale and subdued following the kidnapping attempt.
action: Look around
response: The attic has been converted into rather a spacious, if bare, room. A naked light bulb hangs from the ceiling, spilling light on the various cardboard boxes and general bricabrac. In the sloping roof is a small broken window-vent, and a staircase leads down.

Your old college chum Malcolm hovers close by.
action: You go downwards
response: You descend the stairs and pass through a door, finding yourself in the...

A door stands open in the north wall.
action: Examine box
response: (the torn cardboard box)
An old and torn cardboard box which at one point in its life stored a supermarket's own brand of baked beans. Now it is full of useless junk - old electronic gadgets, a toy robot, used batteries etc.
action: Search box
response: (the torn cardboard box)
You find nothing of any possible use.
action: You examine the junk
response: An old and torn cardboard box which at one point in its life stored a supermarket's own brand of baked beans. Now it is full of useless junk - old electronic gadgets, a toy robot, used batteries etc.
action: You take the junk
response: It is far too heavy to carry.
action: You take the box
response: (the torn cardboard box)
It is far too heavy to carry.
action: You move the box
response: (the torn cardboard box)
With a lot of effort, you manage to move the box a short distance away from the others. A small video camera which was wedged between the boxes falls to the ground.
action: You examine it
response: This is a modern but extremely simple video camera with a panel on one side which protects the part where video cassettes go. The only buttons you can see on this device read RECORD and STOP.
action: You examine the tape
response: A three-hour video cassette, rewound to the beginning.
action: You put the tape in the camera
response: Alas, it is closed.
action: You open the camera
response: You open the video camera.
action: You put tape in the camera
response: You put the video cassette into the video camera.
action: Close camera
response: You close the video camera.

Scamp trots along here from the west, and sniffs at your feet.
action: Go north
response: A simple polished table lies in the southeast corner.
action: You put the camera on the table
response: You put the video camera on the simple table.
action: You go to the southwest
response: A young woman called Chloe sits nearby reading a book.

You can hear heavy footsteps nearby.

Static hisses from the television.
action: You go to the northeast
response: A simple polished table lies in the southeast corner.

On the simple table is a video camera (which is closed).

The cellar door hangs open invitingly to the west.
action: You close the door
response: You close the cellar door.

With a click, the video camera stops recording.

You can hear heavy footsteps nearby.
action: You take the camera
response: Taken.

You can hear heavy footsteps nearby.
action: You take camera
response: Taken.

With a click, the video camera stops recording.

You can hear heavy footsteps nearby.
action: You go southwest
response: A young woman called Chloe sits nearby reading a book.

Static hisses from the television.
action: Wait
response: You wait for a moment.

Static hisses from the television.

You can hear heavy footsteps nearby.
action: You open the camera
response: You open the video camera, revealing a video cassette.

Static hisses from the television.
action: You take the tape
response: Taken.

Static hisses from the television.
action: You put the tape in the recorder
response: You slide the cassette into the vcr, which swallows it with a whirring of motors.

Static hisses from the television.
action: You look at the tv
response: The television is large, with a wide screen and large speakers at either side. You can see a power switch but not the means to change channels - maybe that is done with a remote control.

The television is currently switched on.

On the television, you can see a very grainy and slightly out-of-focus view of the downstairs passage.
action: Keep going
response: The television is large, with a wide screen and large speakers at either side. You can see a power switch but not the means to change channels - maybe that is done with a remote control.

The television is currently switched on.

The television is showing a slightly distorted view of the downstairs passageway. After a moment, the security guard marches into the picture.
action: You keep going
response: The television is large, with a wide screen and large speakers at either side. You can see a power switch but not the means to change channels - maybe that is done with a remote control.

The television is currently switched on.

On the television, you see the security guard get out his remote control and type in the number 4693. With an electronic fanfare, the cellar door swings open and the guard disappears inside.
action: You turn off the tv
response: "Hurrah," says Chloe in an exaggerated manner.

The video recorder emits a series of clicking noises, then starts to rewind.
action: Go west
response: Perhaps the family has just emptied the cellar, or is about to fill it: there certainly isn't anything of any value here at the moment, only an empty crate.
action: Examine crate
response: Stamped on one side is the message "Produce of Crete", but the crate itself is empty. How about that, a crate from Crete.
action: You move it
response: It might be empty, but it's still heavy. You can't move it.
action: You look at your surroundings
response: Considering the high technology that has gone into guarding this area, the cellar is surprisingly lo-tech. One very dull fluorescent tube casts gloomy light over the brick walls. The air is damp; cobwebs line the ceiling. A tunnel disappears off into the darkness to the northeast, and a set of stone steps lead east up to the passageway.

Perhaps the family has just emptied the cellar, or is about to fill it: there certainly isn't anything of any value here at the moment, only an empty crate.
action: You look around
response: The narrow passage ends at a wooden door barring your way northeast. This damp air is not good for your chest, and you are worried that the walls might close in or collapse around you. Must be claustrophobia. The main cellar, positively cosy compared to this part, is back down to the southwest.
action: You examine the door
response: The door is large and imposing.
action: You look at the handle
response: (the wooden door)
The door is large and imposing.
action: You go to the east
response: A simple polished table lies in the southeast corner.

The cellar door hangs open invitingly to the west.
action: You go southwest
response: A young woman called Chloe sits nearby reading a book.
action: You open camera
response: It's already open.
action: Close camera
response: You close the video camera.
action: Close camera
response: It's already closed.
action: You show the camera to Malcolm
response: Malcolm glances at the video camera and shrugs.
action: You ask Malcolm about the wedding
response: "So much for 'best day of the bride's life'."

With a click, the video camera stops recording.
action: You ask Malcolm about the note
response: "Yup, that hulk of a security guard is to blame for this."
action: You ask Malcolm about Deborah
response: "She'd kill me if I tried to go down and explain."
action: You go downwards
response: You descend the stairs and pass through a door, finding yourself in the...

A door stands open in the north wall.
action: You open the camera
response: You open the video camera, revealing a video cassette.
action: You turn on the tv
response: Chloe tuts, clearly unhappy that you're disturbing her reading.
action: You wait
response: You wait for a moment.

On the television, you can see a very grainy and slightly out-of-focus view of the attic.
action: Wait
response: You wait for a moment.

On the television, you can see a very grainy and slightly out-of-focus view of the attic.

The picture suddenly blacks out, and the video recorder begins to rewind.

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
action: You put the camera on the crate
response: You put the video camera on the crate.
action: You go southwest
response: A young woman called Chloe sits nearby reading a book.

You can hear heavy footsteps nearby.
action: You wait
response: You wait for a moment.

On the television, you can see a very grainy and slightly out-of-focus view of the cellar.
action: You wait
response: You wait for a moment.

On the television, you can see a very grainy and slightly out-of-focus view of the cellar.

The picture suddenly blacks out, and the video recorder begins to rewind.

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
action: You ask Chloe about the tunnel
response: Chloe glares at you and the television, then gets back to her book.

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
action: You turn off  the tv
response: "Hurrah," says Chloe in an exaggerated manner.

The video recorder is making a whirring sound.
action: You ask Mother about the tunnel
response: Barbara, an aunt of the bride, sits on an armchair with her legs crossed and her hands interlocked.

You can't see any such thing.
action: You ask Sheryl about the guard
response: "He's here to make sure that no undesirables get in the house," she says, looking at you in a way that suggests that she's wondering how you managed to get in.

Scamp trots along here from upstairs, careful to avoid the Mother of the Bride who glares at him and mutters something dark under her breath.
action: Go south
response: You can see a security guard here.
action: Go west
response: You make your way around the western side of the house, and find yourself at...

The gate to the north is open.
action: Go north
response: The gate to the south is open.

A hole has been dug by the side of the path.
action: You go north
response: Good old Uncle Albert stands nearby with a glass of brandy in one hand.

You can see a hole under the hedge to the north which is just about big enough to squeeze through.
action: Go east
response: A pompous and temperamental chef stands around shouting at the staff and chopping things up.
action: Go south
response: Scamp is up to mischief here.

The mother of the bride stands in a corner fretting away to herself as only hysterical mothers can.

Scamp trots off up the stairs.
action: Go upwards
response: Scamp is up to mischief here.

A door stands open in the north wall.

Scamp trots off to the east.
action: Go north
response: Scamp is up to mischief here.

Deborah, the bride, sits on her bed flicking through an old issue of Cooee! magazine.

Scamp trots off to the south.
action: You go to the south
response: Scamp trots along here from the south, and sniffs at your feet.
action: You go north
response: The book she is reading isn't important, by the way.

[Press N for next, or any other key to return]
action: Go north
response: She knows some gossip about someone...

[Press N for next, or any other key to return]
action: You ask Chloe about the guard
response: Chloe takes her feet off the table for a moment and leans forward conspiratorially. "Well," she says, "I did hear something about him being related to the chef - and lets face it, they're both nasty and ugly, so it could well be true."
action: You ask Chloe about the guard
response: "Yep, your best bet for getting the dirt on the guard is with the chef."
action: You ask Chef about the guard
response: "You expect me to dish the dirt on my own brother, do you?" she shrieks hysterically. And then quietly: "Okay, but I want something in return. They say diamonds are a girl's best friend. Maybe they're right." She increases her volume again to scream "Now stop distracting me!"
action: You give the diamond to Chef
response: (first taking the diamond)
She quickly pockets the diamond, and gets back to work as if she has forgotten your agreement.
action: You ask Chef about the guard
response: "All right, all right!" she says. "Just remind him about Dartmoor, and he'll be sweet as a lamb."
action: You ask the guard about the dartmoor
response: The guard's face burns red. "How..." he chokes, "how... how did...?" Obviously he has some dark secret connected to Dartmoor, but you don't know what. Still, HE doesn't know that. You give him your sweetest and most patronising smile, and remind him about Malcolm. "Look," says the guard, "I don't want to get into any trouble. I was just following orders - Mrs D'Arcy - the mother of the bride - told me to do it!"

You are stunned into silence by this surprising revelation.
action: You ask the guard about Malcolm
response: "I've already told you all I know."

A sudden gust of wind ruffles your hair.
action: You go north
response: The guard moves to stop you, but then remembers that you supposedly know his secret. Deeply unhappy, he never-the-less lets you pass.

The mother of the bride frets to herself in a corner; however you now know that it is merely a pathetic act by an apparently nasty woman (in an awful bright pink suit).
action: You ask Sheryl about the guard
response: You stride up to the mother of the bride, and breathe in, about to speak, when she glances at you with a strange sparkle in her eye. You remember that this is a person mad enough to have the groom kidnapped. Who knows how she may react when you confront her?
action: Go west
response: A young woman called Chloe sits nearby reading a book.
action: You go to the east
response: The mother of the bride frets to herself in a corner; however you now know that it is merely a pathetic act by an apparently nasty woman (in an awful bright pink suit).
action: You ask Sheryl about the guard
response: Summoning all your courage, you go for it. "Mrs D'Arcy," you say, "I'd like a word about Malcolm and his temporary accommodation in the attic." You give her what you hope is a knowing look, but which could, for all you know, look like you're trying to keep a fly escaping from your mouth.

She looks startled for a moment, but her face quickly hardens. "Okay, it was me!" she barks. "I ordered the security guard to clonk Malcolm one and tie him up in the attic! He's not good enough for my darling daughter. Do you know how much he earns a year? Eighteen thousand. Eighteen thousand! It's a disgrace to the family!"

She explains her cunning plan. She was going to keep Malcolm up in the attic until the wedding was officially called off. She would then release him. She had hired a lookalike to go to Scotland in his name and return in time for his release, thus making any accusations he may have made sound false.

A cruel smile suddenly breaks across her lips. "It looks as if we have another problem to take care of." Before you can ponder her use of the word 'we', you hear movement behind you and -

<THUD!>

You wake with a splitting headache, not sure how much time has passed.

You are strongly reminded of the supposedly luxurious holiday villa you had the misfortune to spend a week in a few years back. The air is damp, the bricks of the walls are crumbling, and there are no windows. The large wooden door to the southwest doesn't look as if it will be opening soon, either.

A thick candle burns away in the middle of the room.

You can also see a small wooden stool here.

You feel something small and wet hit you on your scalp.
action: You check what you're carrying
response: You are carrying:
a video camera (which is closed)
a plastic supermarket bag
a remote control
a spade
a Battlebase episode guide
a golf ball
a water detector
a cash tin box (which is open but empty)
a small steel key
a bronze key
a small brass key
a wedding programme
action: You stand on the stool
response: You stand on the stool.
action: You dig the ceiling with the spade
response: (the part of the ceiling with the spade)
You can't do that.

With a click, the video camera stops recording.
action: You dig patch
response: What do you want to dig the part of the ceiling with?
action: You stand
response: You get off the small wooden stool.

You glance at the ceiling to make sure you've remembered where the special part is.

A thick candle burns away in the middle of the room.

You can also see a small wooden stool here.

You feel something small and wet hit you on your scalp.
action: You move stool
response: Nothing obvious happens.

You feel something small and wet hit you on your scalp.
action: You move the stool to the spot
response: That isn't in your possession.

You feel something small and wet hit you on your scalp.
action: You put the stool under the patch
response: (first taking the small wooden stool)
You're carrying too many things to be able to pick up the stool.
action: You check what you're carrying
response: You are carrying:
a video camera (which is closed)
a plastic supermarket bag
a remote control
a spade
a Battlebase episode guide
a golf ball
a water detector
a cash tin box (which is open but empty)
a small steel key
a bronze key
a small brass key
a wedding programme
action: You put the camera in bag
response: You put the video camera into the plastic supermarket bag.
action: You put the stool under the patch
response: (first taking the small wooden stool)
You put the small wooden stool under the part of the ceiling you memorised.
action: You stand on the stool
response: You stand on the stool.

You feel something small and wet hit you on your scalp.
action: You hit the patch
response: You hit this part of the ceiling hard with the palm of your hand, and it goes straight through the crumbling plaster and brickwork to open space beyond. Water and debris rains down on your head; when there is no more, you look up at the newly made hole and see daylight beyond. You make the hole as big as you can, but the rest of the ceiling seems quite sturdy.
action: Go upwards
response: With a lot of effort, you heave yourself up through the hole in the ceiling.

You stand on a curious, and slightly sagging, brick floor with an alarming hole in the middle. There doesn't appear to be anywhere you can go from here - you are trapped by a combination of bushes, hedges and a fast flowing river to the north. It may well be the same river you encountered earlier, but you have no way of knowing if this point is up or downstream.
action: You examine river
response: It looks quite deep.
action: You look at the bricks
response: The hole leads down to that awful place you were trapped in.
action: Go north
response: You can't go that way.

Sunshine momentarily bursts out through the grey cloud cover.
action: Swim
response: You attempt to swim in the river, but quickly find yourself out of control, being pulled along by the strong current. After a minute of useless thrashing and panicking, you manage to get to the bank on the inside of a U-bend in the river. This place seems awfully familiar...

The edge of a fast-flowing river (in the river)
action: You go south
response: You'll have to get out of the river first.
action: Go outside
response: You get out of the river.
action: You look around
response: You stand on the inside of a U-bend in a deep and fast flowing river - you are not sure of the name of it, since you didn't have much time to consult your A-to-Z on the way down, but it looks pretty much devoid of toxic waste and shopping trolleys. On the other side, you can see a field where the grass is overgrown and tall purple weeds have taken root. It reminds you of the wasteland behind your parents' house that you used to play in as a child. Anyway, the only way back is through the hole in the hedge to the south.

Sunshine momentarily bursts out through the grey cloud cover.
action: You go south
response: You squeeze through the gap at the bottom of the hedge.

Good old Uncle Albert stands nearby with a glass of brandy in one hand.

You can see a hole under the hedge to the north which is just about big enough to squeeze through.
action: You go to the south
response: The gate to the south is open.

A hole has been dug by the side of the path.
action: Go south
response: Scamp is up to mischief here.

You freeze on the spot, having heard both the mother of the bride and the security guard talking nearby. They appear to be just outside the front entrance.
action: You go north
response: Deborah, the bride, sits on her bed flicking through an old issue of Cooee! magazine.
action: You go downward
response: The vague ramblings of two obviously barking mad people can be heard emanating from outside the main entrance to the south.
action: Go east
response: Barbara, an aunt of the bride, sits on an armchair with her legs crossed and her hands interlocked.
action: You tell Barbara about Sheryl
response: Barbara listens to your account of kidnapping and escape with a look of amazement. "I never thought she'd go to those lengths," she says. "Well, you must reunite Deborah and Malcolm at once. Deborah won't believe you if you tell her that - so lead her to Malcolm."
action: You ask Deborah,  to go south
response: Curious, Deborah follows you to the East end.

Deborah, the bride, is waiting nearby.
action: You follow you
response: "What's this all about?" she asks you quizzically, referring to the quest you seem to be leading her on.
action: You go east
response: Deborah, the bride, is waiting nearby.
action: You ask Deborah,  to go west
response: Curious, Deborah follows you to the Landing.

Deborah, the bride, is waiting nearby.

A door stands open in the north wall.
action: You ask Deborah,  to go north
response: Deborah coos in wonder as you lead her through the secret passageway and up the stairs.

She follows you up the stairs, sees Malcolm and freezes. "What's going on?" she hisses, and Malcolm cowers. "I've been trapped up here, love," he says. "Someone knocked me out and tied me up!"

You step in and confirm Malcolm's story, telling Deborah that her mother organised the whole thing. Deborah boils over. "That just takes the biscuit! That's it. I'm leaving home for good." Then she notices Malcolm again, and her mood lightens in a flash. "Let's just forget the big family wedding and run off to Gretna Green," she says, taking his hand, and they dash off down the steps together, giggling like schoolchildren.

You stand there grinning like an idiot, until a thought occurs to you. "Hey!" you call, "what about me? Don't mind me! I've just been dashing around like a wombat on steroids to sort out your problems, so hey, forget I'm here!" And they do.

A year goes by, mercifully free of weddings, security guards and mothers in law, with not a peep out of the (presumably) happy couple. A simple 'thank you' would have been nice; still, no point being bitter about it. Then, one bright sunny morning, you receive a letter from Deborah and Malcolm asking you to be their son's godparent. Perhaps unwisely, you accept.

On the morning before the Christening, you are ironing your best shirt when the phone rings. "Mate, is that you?" a desperate-sounding Malcolm says at the other end of the line. "Look, you've got to get up here quickly and help us sort out this mess!"

There is only one reaction you can give to that, and it is

"Aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrggggghhhhhhh!"
action: Full
response: In that game you scored 20 out of a possible 20, in 1761 turns, earning you the rank of Dazzling Mastermind.

The score was made up as follows:

1 freeing Malcolm
1 getting into the manor without being detected
1 opening the cellar door
1 proving yourself to be a veteran Battlier
1 ordering a pizza
1 unlocking the back door
1 discovering the video camera
1 dislodging an object in the Sphinx
1 getting a promising lead
1 standing up to the guard
1 getting the gossip from Chloe
1 making the guard spill the beans
1 for high drama (and a confession)
1 punching your way out of trouble
1 returning to the estate
1 finding sundry items
2 visiting various places

20 total (out of 20)

Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE a saved game, give the FULL score for that game, see a few SECRETS or QUIT?
action: Secrets
response: N = next subject                                                  P = RETURN = read subject                                          Q = re sume game
You may select one of the following:

> Enjoy the sights
Book worm
Magic for beginners
Competitive strains
Loose ends, plot holes etc
The pizza boy can be seen arriving and leaving if you wait outside the front entrance, though if you do this, you won't be able to win the game without cheating. UK players should try to imagine Robbie from EastEnders in the role.

[Press N for next, or any other key to return]
action: Go north
response: The room to the south of West End cannot be reached, but it existed in an early version of the code. I simply couldn't find a use for it in the mad rush to complete the game in time for the Acorn User IF Competition. There was a mirror and a four-poster bed in there, and possibly a wardrobe, but nothing else of any interest. It may be restored in the future.

[Press N for next, or any other key to return]
action: Go north
response: Scamp has no use in the game whatsoever (and can spend the whole game tied up) but he can be amusing to watch, and even offers a clue if in the right place. He and the chef don't get on very well, and the chef can say some nasty things to him when he's around. Most of the characters react to him when he enters a room. He will eat both the apple and the pizza if you give them to him.

[Press N for next, or any other key to return]
action: You go north
response: The soap opera on the television has 10 chunks of dialogue, picked by the game at random (just like the real thing, then...), and there are eleven advertisements, including the crucial 'Zippo Pizzas' one.

[Press N for next, or any other key to return]
action: Go north
response: The video cassette has seven time segments; the camera can record from any room in the game. The play-back is relatively simple, but the puzzle doesn't require any greater level of sophistication. Due to inefficient distribution of code, the first segment recorded on the camera is never viewed. A bit of effort could have sorted this out, but I decided to leave it be, and put it down to the fact that the camera isn't a very good model.

[Press N for next, or any other key to return]
action: Go north
response: For simplicity's sake, the telephone only accepts numbers of up to four digits in length. Numbers to try: 999, 666, 413. The pizza number changes with every game.

[Press N for next, or any other key to return]
action: Go north
response: Deborah can be directed around the house, and says hello to everyone she meets. (Note: not before your trip to the dungeon, though.)

[Press N for next, or any other key to return]
action: You go to the north
response: The cellar and cellar door were added for the third release partly to show where the 'dungeon' is in relation to the rest of the house, and partly because I so admired the mechanical door in BSE that I wanted something similar for my own game.

[Press N for next, or any other key to return]
action: Go north
response: A lot of incidental scenery crops up in this third release, in response to criticisms that a lot of 'objects' (mentioned in the room descriptions) can't be manipulated. I imagine this will infuriate an equal number of players, who won't be able to tell which objects are useful and which aren't (though I tried to put strong hints in the object descriptions). The painting of the 'Angel Gabrielle' in the dining hall is there in honour of British soul singer Gabrielle, whose song 'Give Me A Little More Time' is one of my all-time favourites.

[Press N for next, or any other key to return]
action: You go to the north
response: Commands to try: shake me, laugh, play (tennis/wedding), marry, marry me, untie me, eat guide (when its in your possession), talking to the door while in the bathroom, shaking the tree a second time. Also, you might have noticed that there's not enough room in the guest bedroom to swing a cat... but why not try it anyway?

N = next subject                                                  P = RETURN = read subject                                          Q = re sume game
You may select one of the following:

> Enjoy the sights
Book worm
Magic for beginners
Competitive strains
Loose ends, plot holes etc
action: You go to the north
response: N = next subject                                                  P = RETURN = read subject                                          Q = re sume game
You may select one of the following:

> Book worm
Magic for beginners
Competitive strains
Loose ends, plot holes etc
The following subjects can be looked up in the books:

- Wedding Programme: deborah, malcolm, hardcastle, d'arcy, albert, william, hope, esther, chloe, barbara, me, author, cheat.

[Press N for next, or any other key to return]
action: Go north
response: - Battlebase episode guide: dreams, timeleap drive, david faldon, blythe banks, scorpion, caradeen, inner security, remember me, williams, repair, secret, theme music, new intake, cheat.

[Press N for next, or any other key to return]
action: You go to the north
response: - Wedding Hints book: albert, malcolm, chloe, william, guard, sheryl, dungeon, uncle, aunt.

[Press N for next, or any other key to return]
action: Go north
response: ... And you can also try looking up golf, shakespeare, bible and A3000 in the index.

N = next subject                                                  P = RETURN = read subject                                          Q = re sume game
You may select one of the following:

> Book worm
Magic for beginners
Competitive strains
Loose ends, plot holes etc
action: Go north
response: N = next subject                                                  P = RETURN = read subject                                          Q = re sume game
You may select one of the following:

> Magic for beginners
Competitive strains
Loose ends, plot holes etc
There is a cheat mode in this game! Well, not so much of a cheat mode as a short cuts mode to help during the development and testing stages. The commands are as follows...

TELEPORT TWO - transports the player into the bathroom
GETTOEND - moves to the end game (you must say MALCOLM to sheryl first)
WIN - sets the win condition - useful for getting to this amusing menu system in a hurry.
NUMBERS - gives the numbers for dialling the pizza and opening the cellar door.

To activate these, you'll need the password. Here are two clues:

1) One of the more regal companions in Doctor Who.
2) She was part of a Roman invasion.

N = next subject                                                  P = RETURN = read subject                                          Q = re sume game
You may select one of the following:

> Magic for beginners
Competitive strains
Loose ends, plot holes etc

N = next subject                                                  P = RETURN = read subject                                          Q = re sume game
You may select one of the following:

> Magic for beginners
Competitive strains
Loose ends, plot holes etc
action: Go north
response: N = next subject                                                  P = RETURN = read subject                                          Q = re sume game
You may select one of the following:

Magic for beginners
> Competitive strains
Loose ends, plot holes etc
They met in a cold, dark alley, copies of a cheap right-wing tabloid newspaper under their arms, wearing dirty rain macs.

"Psssst" whispered the first. "In spring, London is a beautiful city."

"But in Birmingham, geese are flying," said the second automatically. They both nodded at each other. They had exchanged accepted passwords.

"That game you got for me," said the first. "The Wedding."

"Shhhhhh!!"

"All right, all right! That game. It doesn't do anything for me. Do you have anything better?"

"Well, I can do you some BSE, by Chris Smith, if you like."

"That any good?"

"Top stuff. The biz. Came first in the Acorn User 1996 Interactive Fiction competition. Much better than The Wedding."

"Sounds good. Anything else?"

"Well, the third placed entry, Leopold the Minstrel, by a guy called Jamie Murphy, sounds hot, but I don't know how to get hold of that yet."

"So how do I get BSE?"

The second handed the first a piece of paper. "This is the address of the ftp.gmd.de interactive fiction archive. Tell them I sent you." With that, the second disappeared into the night. Glancing nervously around, the first headed off in the opposite direction.

N = next subject                                                  P = RETURN = read subject                                          Q = re sume game
You may select one of the following:

Magic for beginners
> Competitive strains
Loose ends, plot holes etc
action: Go north
response: N = next subject                                                  P = RETURN = read subject                                          Q = re sume game
You may select one of the following:

Magic for beginners
Competitive strains
> Loose ends, plot holes etc
How did I get out of the house at the end? Barbara helped you escape. She fetched Chloe from the Drawing Room, and the three of you walked out past the open-mouthed guard and Mrs D'Arcy, who didn't dare do anything.

What of Sheryl D'Arcy and the guard? A few weeks later, Sheryl boarded a plane to Brazil, planning a nice little holiday there. Due to a freak series of events, she found herself parachuting out over the Amazon, where she was forced to fend for herself for over a month before her husband bothered to send out a search party for her. It proved to be a character-building experience, and she came back a changed woman. D'Arcy manor was converted into a shelter for homeless children.

A near-death experience (caused by a runaway milk float) made the security guard see the error of his ways, and he became a New Age Traveller.

How is it that I know the names of everyone in the house even though I haven't met them before? Telepathy? Maybe Barbara sent you a fax of names before you got to D'Arcy manor, which wasn't mentioned in the opening text. Or maybe the author's programming skills were limited when he first created the characters.

Where are Malcolm's parents, Mr D'Arcy, the best man, the matron of honour, etc? Malcolm's parents don't get on well with Deborah's parents, so there's a lack of communication on that front. Mr D'Arcy and the best man are out looking for Malcolm, and the matron of honour is still in bed at home, recovering from a hangover.

What kind of a place is D'Arcy Manor? It is a mish-mash of a place, based mainly on my vague idea of what a country house was like. The layout is admittedly very odd. Research proved that the design wasn't totally unfeasible, and a few touches were added here and there to the room descriptions, but nothing major was changed.

How did the guard and Mrs D'Arcy get me to the dungeon? The 'dungeon' is in actual fact a small room in the cellar, behind the wooden door in the tunnel (for those who missed it). Sheryl and the guard dragged you down the cellar and dumped you in the cell, their only concession to human rights being the candle.

Why is it that I could get Deborah to follow me after the dungeon experience but not before? Malcolm said that he wouldn't be able to face Deborah without knowing who was behind the attempts to sabotage the wedding. He was also a bit shaken up after the whole kidnapping business, and didn't want to go wandering around the house. So, you had to bring Deborah to him... but only after you had found out who had been behind it all.

Why would she follow me anyway? You told her that it was something important. You must have an honest face because she believed you.

Why is it that the guard stopped me from going in the house at the beginning, but didn't stop me going round to the garden? He is under strict instructions not to let any unauthorised people in the house. His instructions don't say anything about the garden, and since he possesses very little initiative or intelligence, he doesn't stop you.

Well, what about X, or Y ? A unique feature of this adventure is its Imagine-O-Vision (TM), which, using its top secret hand-written software engine, allows the player to come up with their own explanations for holes in the plot. (Or, in other words, "Your guess is as good as mine.")

N = next subject                                                  P = RETURN = read subject                                          Q = re sume game
You may select one of the following:

Magic for beginners
Competitive strains
> Loose ends, plot holes etc
action: You look up the hint in the index
response: The 'Wedding Hints' book is exactly where it should be. As you pull it out, you notice with distaste that the pages are coloured bright red.
action: You read the wedding hints
response: This book, the back cover proclaims, will give you one hint for some obscure adventure game called The Wedding, and will automatically self destruct after a successful enquiry. It isn't really necessary now that marriage guidance is freely available - maybe someone in the household hates throwing things away.
action: You look up guard in the wedding hints
response: "You'll need to ask someone in the house about how to get the guard to talk. How about someone you're in favour with?" And with that, the book suddenly disintegrates in your hand.
action: You look up the esther in the wedding hints
response: Nothing in the hints book about that, I'm afraid.
action: You look up Scamp in the wedding hints
response: A dog is for life, not just for a wedding hints book. Scamp doesn't have any direct involvement with the main game, so there aren't any hints about him. Or is what I've just said a hint? Anyway, if it is, I'll give you that one for free.
action: You look up ESTHER in the programme
response: "THE REVEREND ESTHER POTTS will be conducting the wedding service, despite protestations from Malcolm's father, who is dead set against female vicars (though he can't offer any plausible and rational explanations why, probably because there aren't any). Reverend Potts is a keen gardener, and has won the Church of England's 'God's Green Fingers' competition four times, with her prize vegetables."
action: You look up William in the hints
response: "One of the books lying around the house should give you a clue as to how to get William to open the bathroom door. To get what you need for this, you'll have to use various forms of communication, and something in Deborah's bedroom may come in useful." And with that, the book suddenly disintegrates in your hand.
action: You look up a3000 in the index
response: The Acorn A3000 Programmer's manual, being such an important book, is stored away safely at a top secret location off-site.
action: You look up Shakespeare in the index
response: An entire row of the left shelf is devoted to a certain Mr Shakespeare. Faced with the agony of choice, you chicken out by deciding not to choose any - after all, this is no time for literary appreciation.
action: You look up Bible in the index
response: There is a handwritten note on the index card for the Bible, which reads "I've borrowed your copy because mine's away being rebound. Esther."