Birmingham IV
by Peter Emery (2018)
Genres: Fantasy

A solitary scholar, his purpose and presence in the world a mystery even to himself, ventures abroad in a dream state. He finds a land of sunny lanes and dark forests, steeped in the blood of Celt, Saxon, Viking and Norman, where paganism never really went away - the West Midlands. Birmingham IV tells the story of what happened next.

action: %
response: Type "help" for help.

The Phil's Bedroom (on the Phil's bed)
Sprawled face down on the bed, the Phil is snoozing quietly in the bedroom of his house in Birmingham. This - certainly - is no palace. The room is plain, painted magnolia, and quite empty of furniture other than the bed itself. A Grand Prix '87 poster hangs limply from the wall. Rain beats at the window. Lime green doors lead in and out.

Lying on its side on the floor is a  large mug.

The Phil can also see a little card here.
action: About yourself
response: Some stones are best left unturned.
action: You examine the bed
response: A solid and immovable divan with a nice pattern of pink roses.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: You stand
response: He gets off the Phil's bed.

The Phil is in the Phil's Bedroom. This - certainly - is no palace. The room is plain, painted magnolia, and quite empty of furniture other than the bed itself. A Grand Prix '87 poster hangs limply from the wall. Rain beats at the window. Lime green doors lead in and out.

Lying on its side on the floor is a  large mug.

The Phil can also see a little card here.
action: You examine the card
response: "Get out of jail free"

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: You take the card
response: Taken.
action: You look at the mug
response: Ugly.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: You look at the window
response: The Phil peers outside. He sees a street of houses, very similar to his own, steaming in the rain. He thinks he can see a pub as well.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: You look around
response: The Phil is in the Phil's Bedroom. This - certainly - is no palace. The room is plain, painted magnolia, and quite empty of furniture other than the bed itself. A Grand Prix '87 poster hangs limply from the wall. Rain beats at the window. Lime green doors lead in and out.
action: Examine poster
response: The Phil straightens the poster and muses for a moment. It wasn't a good year. Still, Caffi is bound to come through this time.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: You look at the door
response: Which do you mean, the downstairs door or the cupboard door?
action: Cupboard
response: A very alarming lime green. There is nothing special about it otherwise.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: You open it
response: The Phil opens the cupboard door.
action: You enter the cupboard
response: The Phil has strolled into a spacious walk-in cupboard, painted the same magnolia colour as the bedroom and strewn with bits of discarded Ph. D thesis. A hatch in the ceiling rattles with the rain. A full length mirror is fixed on one wall.

Hanging from a nail is a hat.

The Phil can also see a photo and a teabag here.
action: You examine the thesis
response: The Phil briefly considers the bits of discarded Ph D thesis. Not worth further investigation.
action: You examine the hat
response: Suede - very fashionable nowadays.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: You wear the hat
response: The Phil puts on the hat.
action: You look in the mirror
response: The Phil peers at the glass. An apparition in a lumberjack shirt and a suede hat looms alarmingly out of the green depths of the mirror.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: You examine the teabag
response: Yes - a small porous sachet containing tea leaves.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: You look at Phil
response: The Phil peers at himself in the mirror. Lumberjack shirt and suede hat present and correct. All is well.
action: You look at photo
response: It shows one of the Phil's brothers.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: You examine the hatch
response: Square, and without any distinguishing features. It is closed.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: You open hatch
response: The hatch is firmly locked, and when the Phil pushes on it, it only budges enough to let in a little cold air and rainwater round the edges. The landlady must have the key.
action: You look under the bed
response: He finds nothing of interest.

> OUT

The Phil hops downstairs out of the house...

The Phil is basking in the sun outside his handsome cottage in the verdant West Midlands countryside. It is a good sized building of grey stone with a thatched roof and a solid brown door. Many paths from many directions meet here, and part again, but a particularly well-used path knots a short way east to a river and then a village.

The  Phil thinks for a moment that he hears a squeaky voice saying something, but he cannot quite catch what.
action: You listen
response: I beg your pardon?

The Phil listens intently, trying to catch the voice he first heard here. Did he hear it again? It is very faint, and perhaps no more than his imagination.
action: You listen
response: The Phil listens intently, trying to catch the voice he first heard here. Did he hear it again? It is very faint, and perhaps no more than his imagination.
action: You close the door
response: (the brown door)
That's already closed.

> L

The Phil is basking in the sun outside his handsome cottage in the verdant West Midlands countryside. It is a good sized building of grey stone with a thatched roof and a solid brown door. Many paths from many directions meet here, and part again, but a particularly well-used path knots a short way east to a river and then a village.
action: You go west
response: The Phil can't go that way.

> N

(first opening the brown door)

The Phil is in the parlour of his cottage, a sober and dignified room with limewashed walls. Heavy black beams cross the ceiling, and the floor is of stone. The room is bare of furniture, other than an enormous, rather dusty, settle made of a dark wood. This occupies most of one wall of the room, and there is a large fireplace on the facing wall. Exits are north and east, or the Phil can go back outside.
action: Go north
response: The Phil has walked into his kitchen, a large, cheerful and scrupulously clean room with all sorts of herbs and vegetables hanging from the rafters. A large kitchen table is in the centre of the room, and there is a fireplace at one end, with a bread oven built into the wall by its side. An enormous iron kettle hangs from a hook in the fireplace. Exits north, south and east.

On the kitchen table are a rusty ring and a purse.

> X PURSE

A very small leather bag with a drawstring.

In the purse are five pennies.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.

> X RING

A large metal ring, such as a gaoler might use to hold his keys.

Tied to the rusty ring is a red ribbon.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.

> X RIBBON

He sees nothing special about the red ribbon.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.

> GET RING

Taken.

> GET PURSE

The Phil is carrying too many things already.
action: Look around
response: The Phil has walked into his kitchen, a large, cheerful and scrupulously clean room with all sorts of herbs and vegetables hanging from the rafters. A large kitchen table is in the centre of the room, and there is a fireplace at one end, with a bread oven built into the wall by its side. An enormous iron kettle hangs from a hook in the fireplace. Exits north, south and east.

On the kitchen table is a purse.
action: You drop the ring
response: Dropped.
action: You get the ring
response: The Phil is carrying too many things already.
action: You examine the vegetables
response: The Phil briefly considers the vegetables. Not worth further investigation.
action: You put the ring in the purse
response: The Phil prefers to keep money in his purse.
action: You check your inventory
response: The Phil is carrying:
a purse
five pennies
a photo
a teabag
a hat (being worn)
a mug
a little card
action: You look at the herbs
response: The Phil briefly considers the herbs. Not worth further investigation.
action: You put the teabag in the mug
response: Done. The Phil will have to live in hope of finding some hot water.
action: You wear the ring
response: It is too big for his finger or nose; too small to work as a circlet. It would do as an ankle ring, but the Phil doesn't think that is his style.
action: You examine the ring
response: A large metal ring, such as a gaoler might use to hold his keys.

Tied to the rusty ring is a red ribbon.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: You check what you're carrying
response: The Phil is carrying:
a rusty ring (to which is attached a red ribbon)
a purse
five pennies
a photo
a hat (being worn)
a mug
a teabag
a little card
action: Look around
response: The Phil has walked into his kitchen, a large, cheerful and scrupulously clean room with all sorts of herbs and vegetables hanging from the rafters. A large kitchen table is in the centre of the room, and there is a fireplace at one end, with a bread oven built into the wall by its side. An enormous iron kettle hangs from a hook in the fireplace. Exits north, south and east.
action: You look at the kettle
response: The Phil briefly considers the iron kettle. Not worth further investigation.
action: You look at oven
response: The Phil briefly considers the bread oven. Not worth further investigation.
action: You go to the east
response: The Phil is in his Study, a pleasant little room, but as austere as the rest of the cottage. Here is a large desk, strewn with papers.
A door leads west and stone steps lead up. There is also a narrow doorway to the east.

One piece of paper - a small neatly written note placed carefully in the centre of the desk - catches the Phil's eye.

From the east, the Phil hears the sound of random twangs, rather as if someone were gently playing a harpsichord with a hammer.
action: You examine note
response: A note from the Parson. He thanks the Phil for his kind loan of a book, which he is finding of great service in his own studies. He also says he is worried about the recent conduct of someone - namely Sir Lawrence - and would be very grateful for the Phil's wise advice on the subject. Also, if the Phil chances to meet the Sexton, he is kindly requested to ask the Sexton to speak to the Parson.

The Phil resolves to ask the Parson about these matters the moment he sees him.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.

From the east, the Phil hears the sound of random twangs, rather as if someone were gently playing a harpsichord with a hammer.
action: You go to the east
response: The Phil is in the music room, plain and whitewashed with dark floorboards. It is is as unadorned as all the rooms in the cottage, but dappled light reflected from the river dances on the ceiling. An open window looks out over the river and the rolling West Midlands countryside beyond. There are no exits other than the doorway the Phil came in by, to the west.

Dominating the room is a substantial bentside spinet, which sits along one wall.

On the window sill are a potted plant and a letter.

A Magpie is dancing on the keys of the spinet, obviously enjoying the noise. As the Phil enters the room, it startles, and grabs a shiny brass key which was lying on the lid of the spinet. Instead of flying out of the open window, it goes straight over his head and into the study - panicked no doubt. There is some banging and crashing as it makes its way through the cottage, but then it must have found a way out, because there is silence.
action: You examine the plant
response: The plant consists of a couple of woody stems, each about two feet long, with three or four dark green, glossy pinnate leaves, each about a foot long, the leaflets each about two inches long. The Phil assumes it is nothing like full grown. It is in a mortar shaped pot.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: You examine the letter
response: The letter evidently came with the potted plant. The letter is from a sea-captain called John Nisbet. Captain Nisbet presents his compliments and is pleased to forward this specimen of a plant he encountered in His Majesty's Virginian colony, which, as he believes the Phil is a natural philosopher, may interest him.

The Phil tries to remember who Captain Nisbet is. The Phil thinks he met him in the pub once. Weird fellow, kept going on about giant black rabbits.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: Look around
response: The Phil is in the music room, plain and whitewashed with dark floorboards. It is is as unadorned as all the rooms in the cottage, but dappled light reflected from the river dances on the ceiling. An open window looks out over the river and the rolling West Midlands countryside beyond. There are no exits other than the doorway the Phil came in by, to the west.

Dominating the room is a substantial bentside spinet, which sits along one wall.

On the window sill are a potted plant and a letter.
action: You examine the spinet
response: (the bentside spinet)
One of the finest spinets ever to come out of the manufacturies of Birmingham, with a full five octaves. It is made of a handsome dark wood, and has a richly decorated lid.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: You play the spinet
response: (the bentside spinet)
The Phil plays "Gathering Peascods" on his spinet.

The  sound is very "choked" though - muffled.
action: You open the spinet
response: (the bentside spinet)
There's something on the spinet lid - the Phil should remove it first, otherwise it'll end up on the floor.
action: You look at the lid
response: The lid of the spinet has a handsome picture, of inlaid wood, showing jays flying round a country cottage.

On the spinet lid are a blue ribbon and a scruffy black bound book.
action: You put RIBBON on the ring
response: Which do you mean, the blue ribbon or the red ribbon?
action: Blue
response: (first taking the blue ribbon)
The Phil is carrying too many things already.
action: Examine book
response: A large black bound book. It is called "The Natural History of Selly Oak." According to the title page, it was written by the Phil himself.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: You check what you're carrying
response: The Phil is carrying:
a rusty ring (to which is attached a red ribbon)
a purse
five pennies
a photo
a hat (being worn)
a mug
a teabag
a little card
action: You drop the photo
response: Dropped.
action: You put blue RIBBON on the ring
response: (first taking the blue ribbon)
Putting things on the rusty ring would achieve nothing.
action: You tie blue RIBBON to ring
response: The Phil ties the blue ribbon to the rusty ring.
action: Look around
response: The Phil is in the music room, plain and whitewashed with dark floorboards. It is is as unadorned as all the rooms in the cottage, but dappled light reflected from the river dances on the ceiling. An open window looks out over the river and the rolling West Midlands countryside beyond. There are no exits other than the doorway the Phil came in by, to the west.

Dominating the room is a substantial bentside spinet, which sits along one wall.

On the window sill are a potted plant and a letter.

The Phil can also see a photo here.
action: Inventory
response: The Phil is carrying:
a photo
a rusty ring (to which are attached a red ribbon and a blue ribbon)
a purse
five pennies
a hat (being worn)
a mug
a teabag
a little card
action: You read the book
response: The Phil settles down to read the black-bound book with interest and some trepidation. After all, it appears to have been written by him, but any recollection he has of living in Selly Oak, which is a whole two miles away, is hazy at best. Anyway, despite the title, the book is mostly a description of the habits of the local jackdaws, which seem to have been something of an obsession for the writer: they watch him, he says, and follow him everywhere.
action: You drop the photo
response: Dropped.
action: You open the spinet
response: (the bentside spinet)
The Phil lifts the lid of the bentside spinet, the underside of which he sees is richly painted, and props it open.
action: You look in the spinet
response: (the bentside spinet)
One of the finest spinets ever to come out of the manufacturies of Birmingham, with a full five octaves. It is made of a handsome dark wood, and its lid is propped open, revealing a richly painted underside.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: You play spinet
response: (the bentside spinet)
The Phil plays "If all the world were paper" on his spinet.

With the lid of the spinet open, the sound is good and bright.
action: You examine the underside
response: The inside of the spinet lid has been painted with a rather striking picture of a grand house rising above a handsome garden of lawns and hedges. At first glance, it all seems to make sense, but something is not well with the geometry. There are some very odd angles in the building, when the Phil looks closely. In fact, he'd rather not look too closely, it hurts - and there should only be ninety degrees in a right angle - and the shadows seem to fall in all directions. The Phil can only wonder about the state of mind of he who painted it.

"Weird picture," says the Phil, "but for some reason, I feel that it is a good thing that I've seen it."
action: You play spinet
response: (the bentside spinet)
The Phil plays "Gathering Peascods" on his spinet.

With the lid of the spinet open, the sound is good and bright.
action: You play spinet
response: (the bentside spinet)
The Phil plays "Horsey-Down Fields" on his spinet.

With the lid of the spinet open, the sound is good and bright.
action: You play spinet
response: (the bentside spinet)
The Phil plays "Country Abigail" on his spinet.

With the lid of the spinet open, the sound is good and bright.
action: You play spinet
response: (the bentside spinet)
The Phil plays "Blue Petticoats" on his spinet.

With the lid of the spinet open, the sound is good and bright.
action: You play spinet
response: (the bentside spinet)
The Phil plays "Merry milk-maids" on his spinet.

With the lid of the spinet open, the sound is good and bright.
action: Go west
response: The Phil is in his Study, a pleasant little room, but as austere as the rest of the cottage. Here is a large desk, strewn with papers.
A door leads west and stone steps lead up. There is also a narrow doorway to the east.

One piece of paper - a small neatly written note placed carefully in the centre of the desk - catches the Phil's eye.
action: Go upward
response: The  Phil is in his bedroom. Plain whitewashed walls and the simple cot testify to the austerity of the scholar's life. Exits down and east.
action: Go east
response: The Phil is in his experiment room, inconveniently lit by only one leaded-paned  window high on the wall overlooking the river. It is a good sized, plain room with lime washed walls and a wooden floor. It is empty of furniture other than a bench (of the worktable kind, rather than a seat). On the bench is a large lead tank. A ladder fixed to one wall of the room leads up to a trapdoor.

Hanging from the ceiling is a large iron birdcage.
action: You examine the cage
response: Large, made of iron and very ugly. It is tubular in shape, rising to a dome. It is hanging from the ceiling by a length of chain.

In the cage is Vincent, the Phil's pet raven.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: You examine vincent
response: The Phil examines Vincent. In return, Vincent examines the Phil though beady red eyes, his expresssion one of contempt and malevolence mingled. He is a particularly large, saturnine and ugly example of Corvus corax - though the great Linnaeus is not yet born.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: Examine tank
response: It holds a quantity of brandy, in which are suspended a number of small furry creatures - representatives of the local fauna - preserved for further study.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: You look at the creatures
response: The Phil briefly considers the small furry creatures. Not worth further investigation.

The Phil hears something large - a dog, perhaps - padding along outside. It stops below the window, as far as he can tell.
action: You open tank
response: It isn't something he can open.

A dog howls under the window.
action: You look through the window
response: A small, leaded window. The glass is swirly and a very pale blue green colour, giving a rather sickly quality to the light in the room.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.

The Phil thinks the dog has gone again.
action: You examine the ladder
response: Actually, a set of iron rungs set into one wall, and leading up to the trapdoor.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: Go upwards
response: (first opening the trapdoor)
It seems to be locked.
action: You examine the trapdoor
response: Very solid, and whitewashed, to match the experiment room ceiling.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: You look at the creatures
response: The Phil briefly considers the small furry creatures. Not worth further investigation.
action: You look at cot
response: A plain narrow bed with a straw mattress and a woollen blanket.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: Go downwards
response: The Phil is in his Study, a pleasant little room, but as austere as the rest of the cottage. Here is a large desk, strewn with papers.
A door leads west and stone steps lead up. There is also a narrow doorway to the east.

One piece of paper - a small neatly written note placed carefully in the centre of the desk - catches the Phil's eye.
action: Go west
response: The Phil has walked into his kitchen, a large, cheerful and scrupulously clean room with all sorts of herbs and vegetables hanging from the rafters. A large kitchen table is in the centre of the room, and there is a fireplace at one end, with a bread oven built into the wall by its side. An enormous iron kettle hangs from a hook in the fireplace. Exits north, south and east.
action: You look in the kettle
response: The Phil briefly considers the iron kettle. Not worth further investigation.
action: Go north
response: The Phil is in his well-tended garden. A pleasant warm smell - growing vegetables and organic fertiliser in equal measure - fills his nose., and there is an agreeable, soporific buzz from a couple of terracotta beehives towards the back of the garden. Various kinds of beans are growing on poles. There is also a large and very strange plant which the Phil doesn't recognise. On the eastern side is a small shed. South is the kitchen and the rest of the cottage.
action: You examine the plant
response: It is about four feet high, with a large, roughly spherical base, from which protrude a number of fleshy roots, and a conelike stem. It is very green, and the Phil concludes it is far from fully grown. Anyway - best left alone.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: You look at the beans
response: Coming along nicely. They are a mixture of bright red and bright blue and luminous purple, and the Phil hopes they will turn out to be magical.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: You examine hive
response: The Phil briefly considers the beehives. Not worth further investigation.
action: You go to the east
response: The Phil is inside the shed. It is rather dark, but some light comes in through the doorway and between the boards of the shed walls. The shed is currently fairly empty - there are some stacked up flowerpots and a few empty sacks and that is about it. There are some chalk markings on one wall.
action: You examine the markings
response: The markings seem to be tallies of seeds planted. There is one unfamiliar word though - "fullgru."

"Fullgru?" says the Phil. "Good word." He makes a note on his shirt cuff.
action: You pick the beans
response: Best left to ripen.
action: Look
response: What do you want to examine?
action: You look
response: The Phil is in the parlour of his cottage, a sober and dignified room with limewashed walls. Heavy black beams cross the ceiling, and the floor is of stone. The room is bare of furniture, other than an enormous, rather dusty, settle made of a dark wood. This occupies most of one wall of the room, and there is a large fireplace on the facing wall. Exits are north and east, or the Phil can go outside.
action: You look at the settle
response: Solid, severe, and rather uncomfortable, in the manner of furniture of this time.

The Phil notices a dowdy brown cushion on the settle.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: You examine the cushion
response: The cushion is faded, but may once have been purple.
action: You sit
response: What do you want to sit on?
action: You sit on settle
response: The Phil sits on the settle.

Sitting Room (on the settle)
The Phil is in the parlour of his cottage, a sober and dignified room with limewashed walls. Heavy black beams cross the ceiling, and the floor is of stone. The room is bare of furniture, other than an enormous, rather dusty, settle made of a dark wood. This occupies most of one wall of the room, and there is a large fireplace on the facing wall. Exits are north and east, or the Phil can go outside.

On the settle he can see a cushion.
action: You stand
response: He gets off the settle.

On the settle is a cushion.
action: You look at the fireplace
response: Very plain, and neatly swept, with a cast iron fireback. The grate is empty, and probably there has been no fire for some time.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: Go east
response: The Phil is hiding in the gloom of a dusty, windowless storeroom.

The Phil can see a dead rat here.
action: You examine rat
response: Very odorous.

Would come in handy for studies in natural philosophy, or as bait.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: Go west
response: On the settle is a cushion.
action: You look around
response: The Phil is basking in the sun outside his handsome cottage in the verdant West Midlands countryside. It is a good sized building of grey stone with a thatched roof and a solid brown door. Many paths from many directions meet here, and part again, but a particularly well-used path knots a short way east to a river and then a village.
action: You go south
response: The Phil is sauntering along a little twisting path, across a patch of scrubby ground dotted with widely spaced young trees.
action: You examine the sign
response: It is a picture of a spaniel-like dog, white, with reddish-brown spots. There is no writing.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: You examine the river
response: Green and greasy, but fast moving.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: You fill the mug
response: What do you want to fill the mug with?
action: You go north
response: The Phil is in the main room of the Spotted Dog, now the village's only inn. The room is dominated by an enormous fireplace in which a fire was burning - it has recently gone out - although it seems the chimney doesn't draw very well, because the air is full of smoke. Through the haze, the Phil can see  a bar, and four or five rough tables and benches. There is no-one sitting at them, though. The floor is strewn with mouldy rushes. A large pot of stew hangs over the ashes of the fire, still bubbling slightly.

Standing stoutly behind the bar is Bardolph the Innkeeper.

On the bar is a yellow ribbon.

The Phil can also see a violin and a bow here.
action: You go to the north
response: Standing stoutly behind the bar is Bardolph the Innkeeper.

On the bar is a yellow ribbon.

The Phil can also see a violin and a bow here.

Bardolph scrubs the tables.
action: You tie yellow RIBBON to ring
response: The Phil ties the yellow ribbon to the rusty ring.

Bardolph whistles "Akeroyde's Padd".
action: You look at Bardolph
response: Bardolph is the innkeeper. He is short and bald (with sideburns) and is wearing a leather waistcoat. He has the air of a man with something to hide.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.

Bardolph sneezes.
action: You look at the violin
response: Well worn. Slightly out of tune.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.

Bardolph jingles some coins in his pocket.
action: You play the violin
response: (First taking the violin)
The Phil is carrying too many things already.

Bardolph stirs the pot of stew.
action: You examine the stew
response: (pot of stew)
An enormous blackened cauldron of stew. The ingredients of the stew are unknown.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.

Bardolph pats his waistcoat pockets as if looking for something.
action: You ask Bardolph about Magpie
response: Bardolph makes no reply. Either he has no view on the subject, or does not want to express one.
action: You tell Bardolph about magbie
response: This provokes no reaction.

Bardolph whistles "Akeroyde's Padd".
action: Look around
response: The Phil is in the main room of the Spotted Dog, now the village's only inn. The room is dominated by an enormous fireplace in which a fire was burning - it has recently gone out - although it seems the chimney doesn't draw very well, because the air is full of smoke. Through the haze, the Phil can see  a bar, and four or five rough tables and benches. There is no-one sitting at them, though. The floor is strewn with mouldy rushes. A large pot of stew hangs over the ashes of the fire, still bubbling slightly.

Standing stoutly behind the bar is Bardolph the Innkeeper.

The Phil can also see a violin and a bow here.

Bardolph pats his waistcoat pockets as if looking for something.
action: You ask Bardolph about Parson
response: "Sometimes he comes by here," says Bardolph, "but I fancy you'll find him at the Church today."
action: You ask Bardolph about Sexton
response: "A quiet fellow," says Bardolph. "I have not seen him these two days."
action: You ask Bardolph about Dog
response: "Nobody on this side o' the river keeps a large dog," says Bardolph. He pauses to think, "Unless..." He blenches a little and falls silent.
action: You ask Bardolph about the beer
response: "Why, sir, you will not find better beer than mine round here," says Bardolph. "As strong as brandy wine, as smooth as... (he reflects for a moment) the flowing river. Would your worship care to buy?".
action: You ask Bardolph about the stew
response: Bardolph looks remarkably shifty. "Tis just... stew. Tis nowt special, and not delicate enough for your worhip's refined palette."
action: Look around
response: The Phil is in the main room of the Spotted Dog, now the village's only inn. The room is dominated by an enormous fireplace in which a fire was burning - it has recently gone out - although it seems the chimney doesn't draw very well, because the air is full of smoke. Through the haze, the Phil can see  a bar, and four or five rough tables and benches. There is no-one sitting at them, though. The floor is strewn with mouldy rushes. A large pot of stew hangs over the ashes of the fire, still bubbling slightly.

Standing stoutly behind the bar is Bardolph the Innkeeper.

The Phil can also see a violin and a bow here.

Bardolph starts laughing at some private joke. The Phil hopes it isn't him.
action: You ask Bardolph about the violin
response: "Nothing of mine," grunts Bardolph.
action: You take the violin
response: The Phil is carrying too many things already.

Bardolph whistles "Akeroyde's Padd".
action: You check what you're carrying
response: The Phil is carrying:
a scruffy black bound book
a rusty ring (to which are attached a red ribbon, a blue ribbon and
a yellow ribbon)
a purse
five pennies
a hat (being worn)
a mug
a teabag
a little card

Bardolph jingles some coins in his pocket.
action: You examine the card
response: "Get out of jail free"

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.

Bardolph takes up a clay pipe and blows smoke rings.
action: Drop book
response: Dropped.

Bardolph sneezes.
action: You drop the mug
response: Dropped.

Bardolph starts laughing at some private joke. The Phil hopes it isn't him.
action: You take the violin
response: Taken.

Bardolph stares intently over the Phil's left shoulder.
action: You play the violin
response: The Phil plays "The Bishop of Bangor's Jigg" pizzicato.

Bardolph, used to noise of this kind in his inn, pays no attention.
action: You drop the violin
response: Dropped.

Bardolph pats his waistcoat pockets as if looking for something.
action: You get the bow
response: Taken.

Bardolph stirs the pot of stew.
action: You get the violin
response: Taken.

Bardolph pats his waistcoat pockets as if looking for something.
action: You play the violin
response: The Phil plays "Frisk it Freely" pizzicato.

Bardolph, used to noise of this kind in his inn, pays no attention.
action: You play the violin with the bow
response: The Phil tries manfully to play the violin with the bow, but finds his arms are much too short.

Bardolph stirs the pot of stew.
action: You drop the violin
response: Dropped.

Bardolph starts laughing at some private joke. The Phil hopes it isn't him.
action: You drop the bow
response: Dropped.

Bardolph sneezes.
action: You examine the bow
response: Just an ordinary bow. It has a wooden bit and a stringy bit.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.

Bardolph stares intently over the Phil's left shoulder.
action: Go east
response: The Phil is inching carefully along an unsteady, and very narrow, plank bridge with no handrails. The river flows swift, and alarmingly close, beneath.

Standing firmly in the middle of the bridge is Bill the Bowman.

"Greetings, Phil," says Bill the Bowman, twirling his quarterstaff. "How about a little friendly trial of strength for passage of the bridge?"
action: You ask Bill about the trial
response: There is no reply.

"Go on," says Bill, "just you try and get past me."
action: You go east
response: The Phil moves on Bill the  Bowman, but the latter has no difficulty in giving him a thump which knocks him right off the bridge.

The Phil, lacking bouyancy, is soon in difficulties and is swept helplessly down the swift and very dangerous river...

The Phil wakes up screaming and finds it's all a dream.
action: You look at Bill
response: An imposing, thickset fellow, at least seven inches taller than the Phil and at least three stone heavier. He is dressed in a coat and breeches - well worn - of bright green, wearing a knapsack and twirling a quarterstaff.

"Could I buy him off?" wonders the Phil.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.

Bill the Bowman looks the Phil up and down.
action: Look around
response: The Phil is inching carefully along an unsteady, and very narrow, plank bridge with no handrails. The river flows swift, and alarmingly close, beneath.

Standing firmly in the middle of the bridge is Bill the Bowman.

Bill the Bowman whistles "Stand thy ground, Old Harry."
action: Go north
response: Standing stoutly behind the bar is Bardolph the Innkeeper.

The Phil can also see a bow, a violin, a mug (in which is a teabag) and a scruffy black bound book here.

Bardolph takes up a clay pipe and blows smoke rings.
action: You buy the beer
response: Bardolph takes the Phil's penny, fills up a pint of beer and places it on the bar.
action: You get the pint
response: Taken.

Bardolph whistles "Akeroyde's Padd".
action: You go to the east
response: Standing firmly in the middle of the bridge is Bill the Bowman.

Bill the Bowman looks impatient. "This ain't gettin the babby a frock and pinny," he grumbles. "Come on - see if you can knock me off the bridge."
action: You give the pint to Bill
response: Bill the Bowman takes the pint of beer and drains it in one go, then throws the empty mug into the river. "Very good," he says. "Now, how about that friendly trial of strength?"

Bill the Bowman gazes south. "It's looking black over Bill's mother's," he says.
action: You check your inventory
response: The Phil is carrying:
a rusty ring (to which are attached a red ribbon, a blue ribbon and
a yellow ribbon)
a purse
five pennies
a hat (being worn)
a little card

Bardolph sneezes.
action: You buy the pint
response: Bardolph looks blank. "Don't sell that sort of stuff, sorry."
action: You buy the beer
response: Bardolph takes the Phil's penny, fills up a pint of beer and places it on the bar.
action: You get pint
response: Taken.

Bardolph stirs the pot of stew.
action: You go to the east
response: Standing firmly in the middle of the bridge is Bill the Bowman.

Bill the Bowman looks impatient. "This ain't gettin the babby a frock and pinny," he grumbles. "Come on - see if you can knock me off the bridge."
action: You give the bill pint
response: Bill the Bowman takes the pint of beer and drains it in one go, then throws the empty mug into the river. "Very good," he says. "Now, how about that friendly trial of strength?"

Bill the Bowman gazes south. "It's looking black over Bill's mother's," he says.
action: Go north
response: Standing stoutly behind the bar is Bardolph the Innkeeper.

The Phil can also see a bow, a violin, a mug (in which is a teabag) and a scruffy black bound book here.

Bardolph starts laughing at some private joke. The Phil hopes it isn't him.
action: You go east
response: Standing firmly in the middle of the bridge is Bill the Bowman.

Bill the Bowman fiddles with the straps of his knapsack.
action: You go east
response: The Phil moves on Bill the  Bowman, but the latter has no difficulty in giving him a thump which knocks him right off the bridge.

The Phil, lacking bouyancy, is soon in difficulties and is swept helplessly down the swift and very dangerous river...

The Phil wakes up screaming and finds it's all a dream.
action: You look around
response: The Phil is in the main room of the Spotted Dog, now the village's only inn. The room is dominated by an enormous fireplace in which a fire was burning - it has recently gone out - although it seems the chimney doesn't draw very well, because the air is full of smoke. Through the haze, the Phil can see  a bar, and four or five rough tables and benches. There is no-one sitting at them, though. The floor is strewn with mouldy rushes. A large pot of stew hangs over the ashes of the fire, still bubbling slightly.

Standing stoutly behind the bar is Bardolph the Innkeeper.

The Phil can also see a bow, a violin, a mug (in which is a teabag) and a scruffy black bound book here.

Bardolph takes up a clay pipe and blows smoke rings.
action: Go north
response: The Phil can't go that way.

Bardolph starts laughing at some private joke. The Phil hopes it isn't him.
action: You get the violin
response: Taken.

Bardolph scrubs the tables.
action: You get the bow
response: Taken.

Bardolph stares intently over the Phil's left shoulder.
action: You go to the east
response: Standing firmly in the middle of the bridge is Bill the Bowman.

Bill the Bowman looks impatient. "This ain't gettin the babby a frock and pinny," he grumbles. "Come on - see if you can knock me off the bridge."
action: You play the violin with the bow
response: The Phil tries manfully to play the violin with the bow, but finds his arms are much too short.

Bill the Bowman gazes south. "It's looking black over Bill's mother's," he says.
action: You play the violin
response: The Phil plays "Have at thy Coat, old Woman" pizzicato.

Bill the Bowman yawns, appreciatively.
action: You play the violin
response: The Phil plays "Stepney Cakes and Ale" pizzicato.

Bill the Bowman yawns, appreciatively.
action: You play the violin
response: The Phil plays "the Beautiful Scrabmagg" pizzicato.

Bill the Bowman yawns, appreciatively.
action: Go north
response: Standing stoutly behind the bar is Bardolph the Innkeeper.

The Phil can also see a mug (in which is a teabag) and a scruffy black bound book here.

Bardolph scrubs the tables.
action: You ask Bardolph about Bill
response: "Well, sir," says Bardolph, "he likes pushing folk into the river."
action: You drop the bow
response: Dropped.

Bardolph whistles "Akeroyde's Padd".
action: You buy the beer
response: Bardolph takes the Phil's penny, fills up a pint of beer and places it on the bar.
action: You get the beer
response: (the pint of beer)
Taken.

Bardolph sneezes.
action: You give the bill beer
response: Bill the Bowman takes the pint of beer and drains it in one go, then throws the empty mug into the river. "Very good," he says. "Now, how about that friendly trial of strength?"

"Greetings, Phil," says Bill the Bowman, twirling his quarterstaff. "How about a little friendly trial of strength for passage of the bridge?"
action: You go south
response: The Phil can't go that way.

Bill the Bowman gazes south. "It's looking black over Bill's mother's," he says.
action: Go north
response: Standing stoutly behind the bar is Bardolph the Innkeeper.

The Phil can also see a bow, a violin, a mug (in which is a teabag) and a scruffy black bound book here.

Bardolph takes up a clay pipe and blows smoke rings.
action: Attack bill with ring
response: Violence is not the answer to this one.

"Greetings, Phil," says Bill the Bowman, twirling his quarterstaff. "How about a little friendly trial of strength for passage of the bridge?"
action: You show the bow to Bill
response: Bill the Bowman is unimpressed.

"Go on," says Bill, "just you try and get past me."
action: You go to the north
response: Standing stoutly behind the bar is Bardolph the Innkeeper.

The Phil can also see a violin, a mug (in which is a teabag) and a scruffy black bound book here.

Bardolph jingles some coins in his pocket.
action: You buy Stew
response: Bardolph looks nervous. "Stew's not for sale," he says.
action: Smell stew
response: (pot of stew)
The smell of of the stew is - not readily describable. It is slightly sour, though.

Bardolph starts laughing at some private joke. The Phil hopes it isn't him.
action: You taste Stew
response: (pot of stew)
Indeed: "That's plainly inedible" goes nowhere near it.

Bardolph pats his waistcoat pockets as if looking for something.
action: You examine Stew
response: (pot of stew)
An enormous blackened cauldron of stew. The ingredients of the stew are unknown.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.

Bardolph stares intently over the Phil's left shoulder.
action: You get Stew
response: (free stew)
That seems to belong to Bardolph.

Bardolph pats his waistcoat pockets as if looking for something.
action: Go east
response: Standing firmly in the middle of the bridge is Bill the Bowman.

Bill the Bowman looks the Phil up and down.
action: You ask Bill about Stew
response: There is no reply.

Bill the Bowman whistles "Stand thy ground, Old Harry."
action: You ask Bill about the bow
response: There is no reply.

Bill the Bowman looks impatient. "This ain't gettin the babby a frock and pinny," he grumbles. "Come on - see if you can knock me off the bridge."
action: You ask Bill about Sexton
response: There is no reply.

Bill the Bowman gazes south. "It's looking black over Bill's mother's," he says.
action: You ask Bill about the mother
response: There is no reply.

Bill the Bowman fiddles with the straps of his knapsack.
action: You ask Bill about Bardolph
response: There is no reply.

"Greetings, Phil," says Bill the Bowman, twirling his quarterstaff. "How about a little friendly trial of strength for passage of the bridge?"
action: You go southwest
response: The Phil is in a very large grassy field, quite empty except for a single, tall, blasted oak. There are no paths here, other than a faint track leading back northeast.

High in the branches of the blasted oak is the Magpie. It has the brass key in its beak.
action: You look at Oak
response: A tall oak tree, which has been struck by lightning, within the last few years probably. One half of the tree is green with leaves and heavy with acorns; the other black, burnt and bare.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: You climb Oak
response: The Phil scrutinises the tree from all sides. But there are no good handholds or footholds on this one.
action: You examine the bow
response: Just an ordinary bow. It has a wooden bit and a stringy bit.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: You throw the bow at Magpie
response: The Phil lacks the nerve when it comes to the crucial moment.
action: You examine Magpie
response: One for sorrow, they do say, but this fellow looks very cheerful.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: You take the penny
response: Taken.
action: You show the penny to Magpie
response: The Magpie is unimpressed.
action: You put the penny in the purse
response: He puts the penny into the purse.
action: You look at the penny
response: A very worn copper coin - it is difficult to tell which King is on the obverse - possibly good King Charles.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: Rub penny
response: The Phil rubs the penny.
action: Inventory
response: The Phil is carrying:
a bow
a rusty ring (to which are attached a red ribbon, a blue ribbon and
a yellow ribbon)
a purse
five pennies
a hat (being worn)
a little card
action: You go southeast
response: Sunken Lane (West)
The Phil has stumbled into a sunken east-west lane near his cottage. It is deeper than he is tall, and by the look of the footprints, is trafficked mostly by sheep. To the west, the lane is blocked by tumbled stones and other debris, the ruins of a small building which - long ago - collapsed into the lane from its south side. However, the lane is open to the east, and a little path leads northwest up the side.

Draped over a little scrubby bush is a discarded shepherd's smock.
action: You take the smock
response: The smock is a skittish and faintly magical thing. As the Phil reaches out to take the smock, a little wind springs up, and blows it away.
action: You look
response: Sunken Lane (West)
The Phil has stumbled into a sunken east-west lane near his cottage. It is deeper than he is tall, and by the look of the footprints, is trafficked mostly by sheep. To the west, the lane is blocked by tumbled stones and other debris, the ruins of a small building which - long ago - collapsed into the lane from its south side. However, the lane is open to the east, and a little path leads northwest up the side.
action: You examine the debris
response: The Phil scrabbles around in the ruins and eventually finds something...
action: You search debris
response: He sees nothing special about the tumbled stones.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: Inventory
response: The Phil is carrying:
a bow
a rusty ring (to which are attached a red ribbon, a blue ribbon and
a yellow ribbon)
a purse
five pennies
a hat (being worn)
a little card
action: You describe your surroundings
response: Sunken Lane (West)
The Phil has stumbled into a sunken east-west lane near his cottage. It is deeper than he is tall, and by the look of the footprints, is trafficked mostly by sheep. To the west, the lane is blocked by tumbled stones and other debris, the ruins of a small building which - long ago - collapsed into the lane from its south side. However, the lane is open to the east, and a little path leads northwest up the side.

The Phil can see a brick here.
action: You look at the brick
response: A longish, flattish and rough dark red brick, with no indentations of any kind. It has a nice tempting heft, and the word "remosclior" is scratched into it.

"Remosclior?" says the Phil. "Good word." He makes a note on his shirt cuff.
action: You examine the cuff
response: The  Phil examines the left cuff of his very loud lumberjack shirt. "CLIW Fullgru Remosclior " has - by some mysterious means - been scrawled on the cuff.
action: You examine the bow
response: Just an ordinary bow. It has a wooden bit and a stringy bit.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: You go east
response: Sunken Lane (East)
The Phil is in a sunken lane, running from west to east (rising a little as it does so), and just north of the hut belonging to the shepherd. There has been a fall of earth on the north bank of the lane, at the foot of which is a strange patch of pale grass.
action: You look at the grass
response: A patch, about two feet in diameter, where the grass is growing shorter, weaker and paler than elsewhere.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: You go to the south
response: The Phil is in a simple, windowless, shepherd's hut. There is no sign of the shepherd, which is odd.

Securely tied up here is a very big cat.
action: You look at the cat
response: The cat is a big one - not far off the size of a small lynx - orange-yellow and very fat. It has a smug expression on its face and an unnerving look in its eye. The cat is tied up with what seems to Phil to be excessively strong rope, and clearly with the intention of ensuring it can't get near the door.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: You examine rope
response: Made of twisted hemp, and more than an inch in diameter. One end is tied to a staple in the wall of the hut. The other end is tied securely round the neck of the cat.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: You untie the cat
response: The Phil gingerly unties the cat.

The cat purrs along at the Phil's heels. The Phil isn't sure he likes the look in its eye.
action: Look around
response: The Phil is in a simple, windowless, shepherd's hut. There is no sign of the shepherd, which is odd. A length of rope - which was used to tie up the cat - coils across the floor.

The Phil can see a cat here.

The cat purrs along at the Phil's heels. The Phil isn't sure he likes the look in its eye.
action: You get the rope
response: That's hardly portable.

The cat purrs along at the Phil's heels. The Phil isn't sure he likes the look in its eye.
action: Tie cat
response: What do you want to tie the cat to?
action: You tie the cat to the rope
response: The Phil would achieve nothing by this.

The cat purrs along at the Phil's heels. The Phil isn't sure he likes the look in its eye.
All of a sudden, the cat opens wide and swallows the Phil.

The Phil wakes up screaming and finds it's all a dream.
action: Wait
response: Time passes.

The cat purrs along at the Phil's heels. The Phil isn't sure he likes the look in its eye.
All of a sudden, the cat opens wide and swallows the Phil.

The Phil wakes up screaming and finds it's all a dream.
action: You go south
response: You must name something more substantial.

The cat purrs along at the Phil's heels. The Phil isn't sure he likes the look in its eye.
All of a sudden, the cat opens wide and swallows the Phil.

The Phil wakes up screaming and finds it's all a dream.
action: Look around
response: The Phil is in a simple, windowless, shepherd's hut. There is no sign of the shepherd, which is odd. A length of rope - which was used to tie up the cat - coils across the floor.

The Phil can see a cat here.

The cat purrs along at the Phil's heels. The Phil isn't sure he likes the look in its eye.
All of a sudden, the cat opens wide and swallows the Phil.

The Phil wakes up screaming and finds it's all a dream.
action: You leave
response: But the Phil isn't in anything at the moment.

The cat purrs along at the Phil's heels. The Phil isn't sure he likes the look in its eye.
All of a sudden, the cat opens wide and swallows the Phil.

The Phil wakes up screaming and finds it's all a dream.
action: Examine staple
response: The Phil briefly considers the staple. Not worth further investigation.
action: Go north
response: Sunken Lane (East)
action: You look at the grass
response: A patch, about two feet in diameter, where the grass is growing shorter, weaker and paler than elsewhere.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: Go west
response: A shepherd's smock lies on the ground here.
action: You get smock
response: The smock is a skittish and faintly magical thing. As the Phil reaches out to take the smock, a little wind springs up, and blows it away.
action: Go southwest
response: A shepherd's smock lies on the ground here.

High in the branches of the blasted oak is the Magpie. It has the brass key in its beak.
action: You go to the south-east
response: Sunken Lane (West)
action: Go east
response: Sunken Lane (East)
action: You check what you're carrying
response: The Phil is carrying:
a brick
a bow
a rusty ring (to which are attached a red ribbon, a blue ribbon and
a yellow ribbon)
a purse
five pennies
a hat (being worn)
a little card
action: You go south
response: Securely tied up here is a very big cat.
action: You go to the north
response: Sunken Lane (East)
The cat purrs along at the Phil's heels. The Phil isn't sure he likes the look in its eye.
action: You go to the east
response: Standing firmly in the middle of the bridge is Bill the Bowman.

Bill the Bowman looks the Phil up and down.

The cat purrs along at the Phil's heels. The Phil isn't sure he likes the look in its eye.

All of a sudden, the cat opens wide and swallows Bill the Bowman.
action: You examine the cat
response: The cat is a big one - not far off the size of a small lynx - orange-yellow and very fat. It has a smug expression on its face and an unnerving look in its eye.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.

The cat purrs along at the Phil's heels. The Phil isn't sure he likes the look in its eye.
action: You go north
response: Standing stoutly behind the bar is Bardolph the Innkeeper.

The Phil can also see a violin, a mug (in which is a teabag) and a scruffy black bound book here.

Bardolph sneezes.

The cat purrs along at the Phil's heels. The Phil isn't sure he likes the look in its eye.

All of a sudden, the cat opens wide and swallows Bardolph.
action: Go east
response: The cat purrs along at the Phil's heels. The Phil isn't sure he likes the look in its eye.
action: You go to the east
response: The Phil is in the middle of  an island in the river. It's a pleasant place, quiet and grassy (although the grass on the far bank to the east looks a tiny bit greener). The stones of the old west bridge, washed away in a flood, litter the west bank of the island. A new plank bridge leads west, and and a stone bridge east.

Walter the Woodcutter - his famous magic Axe on his shoulder - is here.

The Axe shuffles onto a slightly more comfortable spot on Walter's shoulder.

The cat purrs along at the Phil's heels. The Phil isn't sure he likes the look in its eye.

All of a sudden, the cat opens wide and swallows Walter the Woodcutter.

Cursing furiously, the Axe falls to the ground.
action: You get Axe
response: The Phil is carrying too much already.

The Axe glares at the Phil.
The cat purrs along at the Phil's heels. The Phil isn't sure he likes the look in its eye.
action: Go east
response: The Phil is on an ancient stone bridge. On each side of the bridge, a carved head of a snarling dog has been placed to face up (or down) the river.

Lurking under the bridge is an extremely ugly Troll.

The cat purrs along at the Phil's heels. The Phil isn't sure he likes the look in its eye.

All of a sudden, the cat opens wide and swallows Troll.
action: Go east
response: The Phil is in a thin belt of woodland on a road by the outskirts of a village. The road leads east towards the village and, over a stone bridge, west across the river. A damp path follows the river to the northeast, and there is a clearing by the side of the road to the south.

The cat purrs along at the Phil's heels. The Phil isn't sure he likes the look in its eye.
action: Go east
response: The Phil is wandering down the main street of a good sized village, with sweet little cottages all around.

The cat purrs along at the Phil's heels. The Phil isn't sure he likes the look in its eye.
action: You go east
response: Here is the place where the main road through the village starts to open into the market place, off to the east. There is a curious stump here.

The cat purrs along at the Phil's heels. The Phil isn't sure he likes the look in its eye.
action: Go east
response: The Phil is in the Market Place - small and irregular in shape, and overshadowed by a huge oak tree right in the centre. It is crossed from east to west by the road, and a narrow alley runs north. At one end of the Market Place are an ancient village cross, a stone bench and a pump. It isn't market day, so there are no stalls. The Phil notices that the door of a mean looking house in the southeast of the Market Place stands open.

The Phil is sure someone is watching him from the upper room of the house to the southeast.

The cat purrs along at the Phil's heels. The Phil isn't sure he likes the look in its eye.
All of a sudden, the cat opens wide and swallows the Phil.

The Phil wakes up screaming and finds it's all a dream.
action: Go north
response: Sunken Lane (East)
action: Go north
response: Standing stoutly behind the bar is Bardolph the Innkeeper.

The Phil can also see a violin, a mug (in which is a teabag) and a scruffy black bound book here.

Bardolph takes up a clay pipe and blows smoke rings.
action: You ask Bardolph about the shepherd
response: "The Shepherd?" says Bardolph. "A long fellow. And fat. I have not seen him these two days."
action: You ask Bardolph about the cat
response: "The Shepherd has a cat," says Bardolph, "but I have never liked the look in its eye."
action: Look around
response: The Phil is in the main room of the Spotted Dog, now the village's only inn. The room is dominated by an enormous fireplace in which a fire was burning - it has recently gone out - although it seems the chimney doesn't draw very well, because the air is full of smoke. Through the haze, the Phil can see  a bar, and four or five rough tables and benches. There is no-one sitting at them, though. The floor is strewn with mouldy rushes. A large pot of stew hangs over the ashes of the fire, still bubbling slightly.

Standing stoutly behind the bar is Bardolph the Innkeeper.

The Phil can also see a violin, a mug (in which is a teabag) and a scruffy black bound book here.

Bardolph stares intently over the Phil's left shoulder.
action: You open the door
response: (the brown door)
That's already open.
action: You look at the door
response: (the brown door)
A plain brown door. There is nothing remarkable about it, but it does seem that something with claws - large claws - has been
scratching on it.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.
action: You throw the brick at Magpie
response: The Phil decides not to. Someone might get hurt.

Besides, a more promising target may present itself.
action: You throw the brick at Bill
response: The Phil decides not to. Someone might get hurt.

Besides, a more promising target may present itself.

Bill the Bowman whistles "Stand thy ground, Old Harry."
action: You look at smock
response: Very capacious - for the shepherd was a big man ("Did I really say "was"?" the Phil asks himself.)  It is embroidered with a
large Staffordshire knot in red thread. It feels faintly magical, as shepherd's smocks so often are.

Predictably, the Phil's eyes water.