Ghosterington Night
by Wade Clarke (2012)
Genres: Horror
Humor

Danger-filled Ghosterington Manor appears atop the same cliff each year on Samhain night. Hidden inside are the last four works of the dead bad poet Vigilance Ghosterington. Those four poems are worth a fortune, and you, famous adventurer Jubilee Grief, are determined to find them.

action: %
response: Each year on Samhain night, Ghosterington Manor, the lair of legendary (and dead) bad poet, futurist and occultist Vigilance Ghosterington, materialises atop the same lonely cliff. It stays there for three hours, tempting adventurers to brave its dangers before disappearing at midnight for another year. It is said that Ghosterington's last four poems - the worst he ever wrote, now worth millions of dollars - are still inside the manor. But nobody has lived to bring them out.

This year is your year, for you are the famous adventurer and treasure finder Jubilee Grief, and you're determined to survive the dangers of Ghosterington Manor, find the poems, sell them and retire as a (more) famous millionaire.
. . .

A screaming wind lashes the cliff face as you ascend it with your anti-spelunking equipment. Suddenly a higher pitched squeaking pierces through to your ears. After your recent trip to the Amazon you'd know that sound anywhere: Killer vampire bats!

Without hesitation you whip out your six shooter and kick away from the cliff face, scanning for potential attackers. Three rapidly approaching dark shapes swing into view and you open fire - BLAOW BLAOW BLAOW!

The three clipped bats flap and flail as they tumble to their deaths hundreds of feet below. You use your climbing pack to brace yourself as you swing back into the cliff, but the violent collision tears open a side pocket and your box of ammunition tumbles into space. Drat! Now you've only got the three bullets in your gun left to use in the house. Better make them count.
(* The title image would appear here if you were playing this game in an interpreter with graphics support.)

(* You would be hearing the theme music now if you were playing this game in an interpreter with sound support.)

Windswept and thoroughly bedraggled, you finally manage to haul yourself over the top of the cliff. Untangling yourself from your climbing pack, you contemplate that which stands before you. Ghosterington Manor is huge, black, wooden and windowless. Its famously inviting front door stands to your north. The cliff plummets away from you in all other directions, making you dizzy.

(WHEN YOU'RE READY TO LEAVE THE MANOR, COME BACK HERE TO THE CLIFFTOP.)

You can see your climbing pack here.
action: About yourself
response: Your hair's tied back in a tight ponytail and you're wearing your flexible black climbing and spying catsuit. Your minimal look has become all the rage with female adventurers.
action: You look at the pack
response: The pack is a big pile of ropes and pulleys you used to get up here. You'll leave it here by the cliff until it's time to leave.
action: You check what you're carrying
response: You are carrying:
a black catsuit (being worn)
a six shooter
action: You examine the shooter
response: This trusty weapon has extricated you from more sticky situations than you can recall. It's loaded with three bullets.
action: You examine the catsuit
response: It makes you totally inconspicuous or attractive as the situation calls for. Amazing!
action: You remove the catsuit
response: Messing with your catsuit could get you killed!
action: You check what you're carrying
response: You are carrying:
a xyzzy (being worn)
a xyzzy
action: You look at xyzzy
response: You feel confused.
action: Yes
response: Each year on Samhain night, Ghosterington Manor, the lair of legendary (and dead) bad poet, futurist and occultist Vigilance Ghosterington, materialises atop the same lonely cliff. It stays there for three hours, tempting adventurers to brave its dangers before disappearing at midnight for another year. It is said that Ghosterington's last four poems - the worst he ever wrote, now worth millions of dollars - are still inside the manor. But nobody has lived to bring them out.

This year is your year, for you are the famous adventurer and treasure finder Jubilee Grief, and you're determined to survive the dangers of Ghosterington Manor, find the poems, sell them and retire as a (more) famous millionaire.
. . .

A screaming wind lashes the cliff face as you ascend it with your anti-spelunking equipment. Suddenly a higher pitched squeaking pierces through to your ears. After your recent trip to the Amazon you'd know that sound anywhere: Killer vampire bats!

Without hesitation you whip out your six shooter and kick away from the cliff face, scanning for potential attackers. Three rapidly approaching dark shapes swing into view and you open fire - BLAOW BLAOW BLAOW!

The three clipped bats flap and flail as they tumble to their deaths hundreds of feet below. You use your climbing pack to brace yourself as you swing back into the cliff, but the violent collision tears open a side pocket and your box of ammunition tumbles into space. Drat! Now you've only got the three bullets in your gun left to use in the house. Better make them count.
(* The title image would appear here if you were playing this game in an interpreter with graphics support.)

(* You would be hearing the theme music now if you were playing this game in an interpreter with sound support.)

Windswept and thoroughly bedraggled, you finally manage to haul yourself over the top of the cliff. Untangling yourself from your climbing pack, you contemplate that which stands before you. Ghosterington Manor is huge, black, wooden and windowless. Its famously inviting front door stands to your north. The cliff plummets away from you in all other directions, making you dizzy.

(WHEN YOU'RE READY TO LEAVE THE MANOR, COME BACK HERE TO THE CLIFFTOP.)

You can see your climbing pack here.
action: You go north
response: You're in the vestibule of Ghosterington Manor, a well appointed hall of black marble. Doorways lead west and north, and you can leave the manor to the south.
action: Go west
response: You're in a creaky, high-ceilinged hall of blackest wood. There are rooms west and east from here.
action: You go west
response: You're in the fabled Contrition Corner, where Vigilance Ghosterington was said to have flagellated himself after writing each of his awful poems. The stories must have been true because the walls really are red with his blood! Doorways leave this creepy room to the north and east.

On the west wall is a painting of Vigilance Ghosterington himself.
action: You examine the painting
response: Ghosterington's generally weak and tardy face, pale beneath his widow's peak, is compensated for by a rather cruel but good looking mouth.
action: You examine the mouth
response: As you step closer to examine the mouth, a tiny voice from behind the painting whispers:

"Brown cow's what I used to use
I need another living muse
tell me now what should it be
as well you might, ho ho, hee hee!"
action: Coffee
response: The voice whispers:

"Your answer, poorly,
makes me sorely."
action: You examine the blood
response: The walls are dark with the ancient dried out blood of a self-hating bad poet. It's sad. Sad and gross.
action: You move painting
response: Nothing obvious happens.

A white statue materialises in the room. Perspiration immediately breaks out on your forehead. You instinctively realise that this is the thing called Terror Statue.
action: You look at the Statue
response: A tall white marble statue of a robed man. You want to lift your eyes to his face but you're too afraid to look.
action: Punch statue
response: Your fear prevents you from approaching Terror Statue. The only way to attack him is by shooting at him.
action: You shoot statue
response: The statue vanishes in the blink of an eye just before your bullet would have hit it.

You've got two more bullets.
action: Go north
response: The western way continues in all directions - except west.

An armoudillo shell lies discarded on the floor here.

You hear an alarming grinding and ticking sound as a silvery figure plods into the room. It's a clockwork girl. Her bloody metal face is stretched into a permanently agonised grimace. She's wielding an axe and looking at you.
action: You take the shell
response: You can tell at a glance that it's unwieldy and would reduce your ability to adventure. It might be worth examining more closely, though.
action: You examine girl
response: She's hideous, built out of metal and chunks of female flesh and tied together with veins and gristle.
action: You examine the shell
response: Emitting an angry buzzing sound, the clockwork girl spins towards you and deftly removes your head with her axe.
action: Go north
response: This is a plush room brightly lit by panels far above you in the walls and with a lush rug underfoot. Exits go south and east.

A writing desk is here. This must be where Ghosterington birthed his dread works.

The clockwork girl plods into the room. The rug muffles her footsteps.
action: Go east
response: There's a big, dusty bed here. You wonder if Ghosterington ever really slept in this manor. The place has shown no signs of being anything than unliveable. Exits go west, south and east.
action: Go south
response: This is a room made of solid, shining gold. Exits lead in all directions.

You hear a click from the floor as you enter the room.
action: Go east
response: The eastern way continues in all directions - except east.

A long dead plant sits in a pot here, black and thoroughly dry.
action: You take the plant
response: You can tell at a glance that it's unwieldy and would reduce your ability to adventure. It might be worth examining more closely, though.
action: You examine the plant
response: One of the papery leaves is in fact not a leaf but a piece of paper. You take it.

The clockwork girl plods into the room.
action: You go north
response: This room is upholstered in pink velvet. The nauseating colour and texture makes you shudder. Exits lead west and south.

There's a small vanity here.

The clockwork girl plods into the room.
action: You check what you're carrying
response: You are carrying:
paper A
a black catsuit (being worn)
a six shooter
action: Examine paper a.
response: There's one word on it: elephant.

Terror Statue materialises in the room and your heart skips a beat.
action: Go south
response: This is a room made of solid, shining gold. Exits lead in all directions.

You hear two clicks from the floor as you enter the room.
action: You go west
response: The western way continues in all directions - except west.

An armoudillo shell lies discarded on the floor here.

The clockwork girl plods into the room.
action: You examine the shell
response: Emitting an angry buzzing sound, the clockwork girl spins towards you and deftly removes your head with her axe.
action: Go east
response: This is a room made of solid, shining gold. Exits lead in all directions.

You hear three clicks from the floor as you enter the room.

In an instant, the golden ceiling descends to the floor, crushing you flat.
action: You examine the gun
response: This trusty weapon has extricated you from more sticky situations than you can recall. You've got two more bullets.
action: You look at your surroundings
response: The western way continues in all directions - except west.

The clockwork girl is ticking away here and brandishing her axe.

An armoudillo shell lies discarded on the floor here.
action: You take the axe
response: You try to snatch the axe from the clockwork girl's hands but it doesn't budge. She takes a retaliatory swipe at you. You realise that your head is now rolling across the floor as a result.
action: Go north
response: This is a plush room brightly lit by panels far above you in the walls and with a lush rug underfoot. Exits go south and east.

A writing desk is here. This must be where Ghosterington birthed his dread works.

The clockwork girl plods into the room. The rug muffles her footsteps.

Terror Statue materialises in the room and your heart skips a beat.
action: You examine the rug
response: The rug looks a bit loose. The clockwork girl is standing on it, watching you.
action: You pull the rug
response: You yank the rug and the clockwork girl topples over. She thrashes about madly, whirring and clicking like an overturned beetle, but she's not flexible enough to get back on her feet.

A cold wall of pure fear is radiating from the statue. Your limbs tremble, your blood runs icy, then every part of you just stops at once.
action: You shoot statue
response: The statue vanishes in the blink of an eye just before your bullet would have hit it.

You've got one shot left.

Emitting an angry buzzing sound, the clockwork girl spins towards you and deftly removes your head with her axe.
action: You go north
response: This is a plush room brightly lit by panels far above you in the walls and with a lush rug underfoot. Exits go south and east.

Terror Statue is here.

A writing desk is here. This must be where Ghosterington birthed his dread works.

The clockwork girl plods into the room. The rug muffles her footsteps.
action: Go east
response: There's a big, dusty bed here. You wonder if Ghosterington ever really slept in this manor. The place has shown no signs of being anything than unliveable. Exits go west, south and east.
action: Go east
response: This room is upholstered in pink velvet. The nauseating colour and texture makes you shudder. Exits lead west and south.

There's a small vanity here.

The clockwork girl plods into the room.
action: You go south
response: The eastern way continues in all directions - except east.

A long dead plant sits in a pot here, black and thoroughly dry.

The clockwork girl plods into the room.
action: Go south
response: You're in the vestibule of Ghosterington Manor, a well appointed hall of black marble. Doorways lead west and north, and you can leave the manor to the south.

The clockwork girl plods into the room.
action: Go west
response: You're in a creaky, high-ceilinged hall of blackest wood. There are rooms west and east from here.

The clockwork girl plods into the room.
action: You go west
response: You're in the fabled Contrition Corner, where Vigilance Ghosterington was said to have flagellated himself after writing each of his awful poems. The stories must have been true because the walls really are red with his blood! Doorways leave this creepy room to the north and east.

On the west wall is a painting of Vigilance Ghosterington himself.
action: You go to the north
response: The western way continues in all directions - except west.

An armoudillo shell lies discarded on the floor here.

The clockwork girl plods into the room.
action: You go north
response: This is a plush room brightly lit by panels far above you in the walls and with a lush rug underfoot. Exits go south and east.

Terror Statue is here.

A writing desk is here. This must be where Ghosterington birthed his dread works.

The clockwork girl plods into the room. The rug muffles her footsteps.
action: Go west
response: There's a big, dusty bed here. You wonder if Ghosterington ever really slept in this manor. The place has shown no signs of being anything than unliveable. Exits go west, south and east.

Terror Statue materialises in the room and your heart skips a beat.
action: Go west
response: This is a plush room brightly lit by panels far above you in the walls and with a lush rug underfoot. Exits go south and east.

A writing desk is here. This must be where Ghosterington birthed his dread works.

The clockwork girl plods into the room. The rug muffles her footsteps.
action: You pull the rug
response: You yank the rug and the clockwork girl topples over. She thrashes about madly, whirring and clicking like an overturned beetle, but she's not flexible enough to get back on her feet.
action: You take the axe
response: You try to snatch the axe from the clockwork girl's hands but it doesn't budge. She takes a retaliatory swipe at you. You realise that your head is now rolling across the floor as a result.
action: You examine the desk
response: Can it be? There's actually a dusty sheet of paper still here on the desk. It's one of Vigilance Ghosterington's poems! It's his famous scissors poem. You carefully take the poem.
action: You read the poem
response: I run up to her post-haste and cry,

"Don't run with scissors,"

The guck on me would make me scream
It'd really suck when you couldn't see
how freaked I was by your eyejuice on me
action: You look at what you're carrying with you
response: You are carrying:
the scissors poem
paper A
a black catsuit (being worn)
a six shooter
action: You go south
response: The western way continues in all directions - except west.

An armoudillo shell lies discarded on the floor here.
action: You look at the shell
response: You turn the shell over and a piece of paper tumbles out. It's one of Vigilance Ghosterington's poems! It's his famous Thomas Hardy poem. You carefully take the poem.
action: You read hardy
response: Yo, write me, Tess of the D'Urbervilles!
A-where you been hiding your mad email skills?
I'm up here jumping like a yeoman
but I kinda got the feeling you been on the lam.

and it ain't up on the heath, DAMN GIRL, I made an inspection!
You say you're a tall chick and just wanna have fun
but this silence sucks some major ass and's making me glum
action: You go north
response: This is a plush room brightly lit by panels far above you in the walls and with a lush rug underfoot. Exits go south and east.

The clockwork girl is thrashing about uselessly on the floor.

A writing desk is here. This must be where Ghosterington birthed his dread works.
action: Go east
response: There's a big, dusty bed here. You wonder if Ghosterington ever really slept in this manor. The place has shown no signs of being anything than unliveable. Exits go west, south and east.

Terror Statue is here.
action: You go to the east
response: This room is upholstered in pink velvet. The nauseating colour and texture makes you shudder. Exits lead west and south.

There's a small vanity here.
action: You look at the vanity
response: In a drawer of the vanity you find a crumpled sheet of paper. It's one of Vigilance Ghosterington's poems! It's his famous Molecular Biology poem. You carefully take the poem.
action: You read the biology
response: What would you say if I said, "You have nice genes, babe." ?

Let's wear white labcoats and have dinner sometime.

If I was a molecular biologist, I'd add some ligase to your buffer right now. In my lab, you'd find all the restriction enzymes you'd ever need.

In my lab, there would always be a bottle of fine white wine on the ice - stored in a separate refrigerator to the molecular biology specimens, of course.
action: You go south
response: The eastern way continues in all directions - except east.

A long dead plant sits in a pot here, black and thoroughly dry.
action: You go to the west
response: This is a room made of solid, shining gold. Exits lead in all directions.

You hear three clicks from the floor as you enter the room.

In an instant, the golden ceiling descends to the floor, crushing you flat.
action: You look at the mouth
response: As you step closer to examine the mouth, a tiny voice from behind the painting whispers:

"Brown cow's what I used to use
I need another living muse
tell me now what should it be
as well you might, ho ho, hee hee!"

Terror Statue materialises in the room and your heart skips a beat.
action: Elephant
response: The voice whispers:

"You got it wrong
kaboo, kabong!"
action: You examine the mouth
response: A cold wall of pure fear is radiating from the statue. Your limbs tremble, your blood runs icy, then every part of you just stops at once.
action: Shoot terror
response: (Terror Statue)
The statue vanishes in the blink of an eye just before your bullet would have hit it.

You've got one shot left.
action: Grey elephant
response: The voice whispers:

"With suchly flunk
You truly stunk."
action: Go east
response: You're in a creaky, high-ceilinged hall of blackest wood. There are rooms west and east from here.
action: You eat the plant
response: Let's get sane.
action: You look at the pot
response: You already searched the long dead plant. There's nothing else there.
action: You go north
response: This room is upholstered in pink velvet. The nauseating colour and texture makes you shudder. Exits lead west and south.

There's a small vanity here.

Terror Statue materialises in the room and your heart skips a beat.
action: Go west
response: There's a big, dusty bed here. You wonder if Ghosterington ever really slept in this manor. The place has shown no signs of being anything than unliveable. Exits go west, south and east.
action: You examine bed
response: You rummage through the bed and find a sheet of paper hidden amongst the sheets. You take it.
action: Examine paper b.
response: There's one word on it: purple.

Terror Statue materialises in the room and your heart skips a beat.
action: Go west
response: This is a plush room brightly lit by panels far above you in the walls and with a lush rug underfoot. Exits go south and east.

The clockwork girl is thrashing about uselessly on the floor.

A writing desk is here. This must be where Ghosterington birthed his dread works.
action: Purple elephant
response: The painting slides aside and out of sight, revealing a passage to the west.
action: You go west
response: Ooooh, a Secret Room!
Few things are more exciting in an adventurer's life than the discovery of a secret room. These things include: jetpacking around Mount Everest, playing Twister on the moon and sharing a pot of tea with Lara Croft. You have done all these things, but you're still pretty pleased to have discovered this tiny secret location in Ghosterington Manor. There's a lever on the wall and an exit to the east.

Trying and failing to be inconspicuous in the corner is a chest.
action: You examine the chest
response: You open the chest and find something inside. It's one of Vigilance Ghosterington's poems! It's his famous lobster poem. You've hit the jackpot! You carefully take the poem.
action: You read the lobster
response: I tied my lobster to a tree. I came back later, but woe was me!
"Oh where oh where can my lobster be?" (I asked no-one in particular.) Mirelle offered the following: "Perhaps he has eloped in the romantic tradition."
I considered what Mirelle had told me.
We disagreed, and a short while later our relationship began to go downhill.

My lobster ne'er was returned to me! Now I walk the Seine alone.
action: You pull the lever
response: You move the lever to the OFF position.
action: You examine the lever
response: It's labelled 'TERROR', and is currently in the off position.
action: You go east
response: You're in the fabled Contrition Corner, where Vigilance Ghosterington was said to have flagellated himself after writing each of his awful poems. The stories must have been true because the walls really are red with his blood! Doorways leave this creepy room to the west, north and east.
action: Go south
response: You retrieved the following poems from the manor:

The Thomas Hardy poem         2 million dollars
The Molecular Biology poem    4 million dollars
The lobster poem              9 million dollars

Total monetary value: 16 MILLION DOLLARS

Total cultural value: HIGHLY QUESTIONABLE
action: Wait
response: Time passes.

Time passes.

Time passes.

Time passes.
action: You wait awhile
response: Time passes.

Time passes.

Time passes.

Time passes.

Time passes.

Time passes.

Time passes.

Time passes.
action: You wait
response: Time passes.
action: Wait
response: Time passes.

--- UH OH, IT'S MIDNIGHT ---

Ghosterington Manor vanishes and you vanish along with it.
action: Wait
response: Time passes.

Time passes.

Time passes.

Time passes.

Time passes.

Time passes.

Time passes.

Time passes.

Time passes.

Time passes.