Kissing the Buddha's Feet
by Leon Lin (1996)
Genres: Collegiate
Slice of life


action: Examine tv
response: This is that indispensable staple of modern civilization, the television set. Even you admit to watching an hour or two a day. The television is currently on and blaring loud noise into the room.
There is a power cord behind the television.

"Reaction formation, rationalization, projection, reaction formation!" John recites desperately.
action: You turn off the tv
response: Unfortunately, this is one of those models of televisions which can only be turned off by remote control.

John squirms in his seat, trying to concentrate.
action: Info
response: An Interactive Cramming

"Kissing the Buddha's Feet" was an entry in the Second Annual Interactive Fiction Competition. It placed fifth overall in a field of 27 entries, and later won two XYZZY awards (Best Individual NPC and Best NPCs). Version 1.1 is essentially the same as the game that was submitted to the competition, except for a few bug fixes and cosmetic changes; these changes are outlined in the file bugfix.txt which should have come with the game package.

This game is freeware (though not public domain), and may be freely played, copied, and distributed provided that you:

1) Don't sell it for a profit. You may charge a fee to cover the cost of any media you distribute the game on but no more.
2) Don't modify the game.

I appreciate any comments, criticism, and bug reports you send me.
You can reach me by e-mail at leonlin@uclink.berkeley.edu. This address should be valid at least until the end of 1997.

Thanks, and enjoy the game!



Thanks to Kevin Wilson for his advice and help.

Thanks also to this competition's Internet Beta-Testing team, particularly Michael Kinyon, who helped me find bugs and other annoying oddities in my game I probably would have never discovered on my own. And many thanks to those who wrote to me after the competition to inform about bugs they had discovered.

Many thanks as well to the many people who wrote reviews and comments about this game, as well as my previous game, "The One That Got Away"--such criticism has helped me improve and grow as an author of interactive fiction. Thanks also to all of the people whose votes in the 1996 Interactive Fiction Competition and the XYZZY Awards helped this game receive the recognition that it did.

And finally, thanks to my parents, who have given me their love and support. This game wouldn't have been possible without them.
action: You pull the cord
response: You try to unplug the power cord. However, rats have chewed through its insulation, exposing the underlying wire. When you touch the cord, you experience a painful but otherwise harmless electric shock. Cursing, you make a strategic retreat to the paisley couch.

John squirms in his seat, trying to concentrate.
action: You look under the couch
response: There's nothing under your paisley couch. As it should be.

John tries to write some notes on a piece of paper, messes up, and, in a fit of frustration, crumples up the paper and throws it to the floor.

You hear a violent gust of wind blow into John's bedroom, causing the door to slam closed. John, startled by the noise, looks around confusedly. "Um, could you go in my room and close my window, please?" he asks you.
action: You go east
response: and the bathroom. Your bedroom is to the south, behind an open door, while John's room is to the north, beyond a closed door. The bathroom can be reached by going east through an open door.

You hear a knock on the front door. You rush to the living room, knowing that trouble has arrived, but are too late! The door flies open with a crash!

There is an explosion of confetti around you, and a paper noisemaker licks impudently at your face. When the paper clears, you see standing at the door John's four troublesome friends, Alice, Bob, Carl, and Evan! "Hi-yah, John!" greets Alice, their leader. "Looks like we're not too late for the party!" She doffs her conical party hat and strides over to John's desk. "Say, is that a psychology book you're studying? Really hitting the books now, are ya?" She grins as she puts down some snacks and a radio blaring obnoxious music, and parks herself and Carl on the floor. Evan immediately goes to you and starts speaking about trivia, and Bob wanders around drunkenly.

It's going to be an even longer night than you imagined...
action: You go to the north
response: You can't leave your apartment now! Not when you still have to keep an eye on John!

John wails to you, "Could you help quiz me? Please?"

Carl takes out a candy bar, strips the cellophane off of it, crumples it into a neat, compact ball, and tosses it absent-mindedly in the direction of the bedrooms.

Alice breaks out a pack of cards and plays a hand of hearts with Carl.

Bob, thinking that he's walking in a straight line, toes a path more akin to the outline of a Picasso painting than anything else.

Going into deep financial detail, Evan gives a discourse on the rise and fall of Infocom, Inc. He also mentions how much he liked that little robot Floyd.
action: You go east
response: You see a piece of cellophane here.

You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for Monopoly.

You hear a sharp BUMP! followed by a plaintive, "Who pud this wall here *hic*."

Evan follows you into the short hall.
action: You get the cellophane
response: Taken.

Going into deep financial detail, Evan gives a discourse on the rise and fall of Infocom, Inc. He also mentions how much he liked that little robot Floyd.
action: You go to the north
response: You'll have to open John's bedroom door first.

The sound of crumpling cellophane, grating your ears, comes in from the direction of the living room.

Going into deep financial detail, Evan gives a discourse on the rise and fall of Infocom, Inc. He also mentions how much he liked that little robot Floyd.
action: You open door
response: Opened.

You hear lots of drunken singing from somewhere else in the apartment.

Going into deep financial detail, Evan gives a discourse on the rise and fall of Infocom, Inc. He also mentions how much he liked that little robot Floyd.
action: You go north
response: his stuff, though for the most part you don't take advantage of this. Like your room, John's room has a bed, dresser, desk, and an open closet door to the east. Unlike your room, it is quite disorganized, to say the least. Sheets are spread all over the room and clothes, as well as less-speakable debris, are strewn about, giving the room a ripe, musty odor not unlike rotting fruit in an ancient tomb; broken plastic models litter the scarred desk. Set in the north wall is an open window to the outside world. There is a (fortunately) open door to the south.
You see a wastebasket here. The wastebasket seems to contain a
blue wrapper.

You hear a sharp BUMP! followed by a plaintive, "Who pud this wall here *hic*."

Evan follows you into John's bedroom.
action: Close window
response: You slide the window shut, only to discover that there is a round, baseball-sized hole in the middle of the window which is admitting a large amount of wind into the room.

The sound of a tremendous belch rocks the apartment.

"You know," says Evan philosophically, "in Taiwan, they have this phrase that describes desperate students who have to make a supreme last-minute effort to study for exams. They're said to be 'kissing the Buddha's feet.'" He looks pleased at having known that piece of trivia.
action: Examine wrapper
response: This looks like a wrapper for some sort of box. It's pastel blue, with a paisley pattern tastefully silkscreened on. A small gold seal, mostly intact, has the logo for "Dee's Chocolates" on it.

You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for mah jongg.

Evan gives a short speech about what's wrong with the nation's foreign policy and how he would change things.
action: You get the wrapper
response: Taken.

The sound of a tremendous belch rocks the apartment.

Evan speculates about the recipe for Kentucky Fried Chicken.
action: You put the wrappr on the window
response: "Ah, 'wrappr', now that's an interesting word," says Evan. "Let me tell you about its etymology..."
action: You put the wrapper on the window
response: Looks like that won't fit in the hole.

Evan talks about the impact of the longbow on the Hundred Years' War.
action: You examine the desk
response: The decrepit state of John's desk bespeaks both a ripe old age as well as years of misuse; its surface bears many jagged scars and scorch marks. Otherwise, the desk looks surprising clean (for a possession of John's), mainly because most of the junk that normally occupies its surface has been swept onto the floor or into the closet. There is a single drawer on the desk, which is closed. On the desk you see some broken plastic models; besides that, you see a handheld electronic trivia game.

From the direction of the living room, you hear Alice trying to sing "Send in the Clowns" along with the radio, and doing it badly.

Going into deep financial detail, Evan gives a discourse on the rise and fall of Infocom, Inc. He also mentions how much he liked that little robot Floyd.
action: You kill Evan
response: What do you want to attack him with?
action: You get the game
response: Taken.

You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for mah jongg.

You hear a sharp BUMP! followed by a plaintive, "Who pud this wall here *hic*."

Evan wonders what the world would be like if it were love, not money, that made the world go round.
action: You look at game
response: Small, orange, and plastic, this electronic game was given to John for his birthday. John, having a limited attention span at best, quickly abandoned this gift before he could get through its alleged "20,000 Questions!" The case sports an LCD screen and a small speaker. There are also four buttons, colored red, yellow, green, and blue, lined up vertically to the left of the screen, next to where the possible answers to the game's questions will be displayed. The game is currently off.

The sound of crumpling cellophane, grating your ears, comes in from the direction of the living room.

"I believe," says Evan, "that a philosopher once said, 'You can only win so many battles before you lose the war.'"
action: You give the game to Evan
response: Evan looks excitedly at the game you're giving him. "Why-y-y, that's a '20,000 Questions' trivia game! It's the fourth edition! A rarity! I've always wanted to play that!" He fumbles clumsily at the game, which he turns on and starts playing eagerly.

You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for chess.

A violent gust of wind flies in through the hole in the window, causing the bedroom door to slam closed with a loud "BANG!"

You hear a loud "Pin pon!" come from the game. Evan grins maniacally.
action: You go east
response: This is John's closet. There are no skeletons hiding here, but considering the amount of dust and dirty clothes around, you would hardly be surprised if one of the undead were lurking around in this dimly lit space. The one exit is a door to the west, which is open. You see a catcher's mitt here.

The sound of crumpling cellophane, grating your ears, comes in from the direction of the living room.

The sound of a tremendous belch rocks the apartment.

Evan follows you into John's closet, still playing the game.
action: You get the mitt
response: Taken.

From the direction of the living room, you hear Alice trying to sing some heavy metal song along with the radio, and doing it badly.

The sound of a tremendous belch rocks the apartment.

You hear a loud "Pin pon!" come from the game. Evan grins maniacally.
action: Go west
response: You see a wastebasket here.

You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for canasta.

The sound of a tremendous belch rocks the apartment.

Evan follows you into John's bedroom, still playing the game.
action: You put the mitt in hole
response: Looks like that won't fit in the hole.

You hear a loud "Pin pon!" come from the game. Evan grins maniacally.
action: You get the sheet
response: Even if it *were* your job to pick up after John, you wouldn't want to touch these sheets.

The sound of a tremendous belch rocks the apartment.
action: You look around
response: his stuff, though for the most part you don't take advantage of this. Like your room, John's room has a bed, dresser, desk, and an open closet door to the east. Unlike your room, it is quite disorganized, to say the least. Sheets are spread all over the room and clothes, as well as less-speakable debris, are strewn about, giving the room a ripe, musty odor not unlike rotting fruit in an ancient tomb; broken plastic models litter the scarred desk. Set in the north wall is a closed window to the outside world. There is a closed door to the south.
You see a wastebasket here.
Evan is here, playing an electronic trivia game. Loud electronic beeps and whistles fly out of the game's speakers.

You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for checkers.
action: You examine model
response: These used to be models of military equipment that John liked to make (however ineptly). However, this once proud army has been reduced to piles of broken, shattered pieces by some hard-hitting, fast-travelling force. You notice a thick piece of duct tape hanging limply on the remains of one model.

The sound of crumpling cellophane, grating your ears, comes in from the direction of the living room.

You hear a loud "Pin pon!" come from the game. Evan grins maniacally.
action: You get tape
response: Taken.

The sound of crumpling cellophane, grating your ears, comes in from the direction of the living room.

You hear a loud "Pin pon!" come from the game. Evan grins maniacally.
action: You put the tape on the wrapper
response: There's no good surface on the blue wrapper.

The sound of crumpling cellophane, grating your ears, comes in from the direction of the living room.

You hear a loud "Pin pon!" come from the game. Evan grins maniacally.
action: You look at what you're carrying with you
response: You have a piece of cellophane, a blue wrapper, a catcher's mitt, and a piece of duct tape.

You hear a loud "Pin pon!" come from the game. Evan grins maniacally.
action: You examine dresser
response: The dresser looks as if it might fall apart at any moment. You eye it cautiously. The drawers are closed.

From the direction of the living room, you hear Alice trying to sing "Love Shack" along with the radio, and doing it badly.

You hear a loud "Pin pon!" come from the game. Evan grins maniacally.
action: You open it
response: Opened.

The sound of crumpling cellophane, grating your ears, comes in from the direction of the living room.

The sound of a tremendous belch rocks the apartment.
action: You look in it
response: There's nothing in John's dresser.

You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for go.

A violent gust of wind flies in through the hole in the window, causing the bedroom door to slam open with a loud "BANG!"

You see Bob stagger in from the door to the south.
action: Go south
response: You see Bob stagger in from the door to the north.

Evan follows you into the short hall, still playing the game.
action: Go east
response: The bathroom, fortunately, is one of the rooms you've agreed to maintain, and as a result it isn't too filthy. Against the north wall is a gleaming sink and a mirror mounted above it; next to the mirror is a medicine cabinet. On the south wall is a towel rack. A toilet and shower, both scrubbed to exquisite perfection with lye-based cleansers, complete this traditional bathroom. The only exit to this bathroom is through a door to the west, which is open.

From the direction of the living room, you hear Alice trying to sing "American Pie" along with the radio, and doing it badly.

The sound of a tremendous belch rocks the apartment.

Evan follows you into the bathroom, still playing the game.
action: You get the towel
response: Taken.

You hear a sharp BUMP! followed by a plaintive, "Who pud this wall here *hic*."
action: You look at the cabinet
response: Which cabinet do you mean, the bathroom sink cabinet, or the medicine cabinet?
action: Medicine
response: The medicine cabinet is closed.

The sound of a tremendous belch rocks the apartment.
action: You open it
response: Opened.

You hear a sharp BUMP! followed by a plaintive, "Who pud this wall here *hic*."
action: You look in it
response: The medicine cabinet is open. There's nothing in the medicine cabinet.

You hear lots of drunken singing from somewhere else in the apartment.

You hear a loud "Pin pon!" come from the game. Evan grins maniacally.
action: You open the sink cabinet
response: Opening the cabinet reveals the pipes which comprise the bathroom sink plumbing. Besides that, you see in the cabinet nothing at all.

From the direction of the living room, you hear Alice trying to sing the theme from "Love Story" along with the radio, and doing it badly.

You hear a sharp BUMP! followed by a plaintive, "Who pud this wall here *hic*."

You hear a loud "Pin pon!" come from the game. Evan grins maniacally.
action: You go to the west
response: and the bathroom. Your bedroom is to the south, behind an open door, while John's room is to the north, beyond an open door. The bathroom can be reached by going east through an open door.
You see Bob, staggering around, like the slightest hint of alcohol
in the air will send him crashing to the ground here.

Bob tries to go through a wall. His head rebounds violently off the hard plaster surface. "Thang you sir, may I hab uhnudder?" he says humbly.

Evan follows you into the short hall, still playing the game.
action: Go north
response: his stuff, though for the most part you don't take advantage of this. Like your room, John's room has a bed, dresser, desk, and an open closet door to the east. Unlike your room, it is quite disorganized, to say the least. Sheets are spread all over the room and clothes, as well as less-speakable debris, are strewn about, giving the room a ripe, musty odor not unlike rotting fruit in an ancient tomb; broken plastic models litter the scarred desk. Set in the north wall is a closed window to the outside world. There is a (fortunately) open door to the south.
You see a wastebasket here.

Evan follows you into John's bedroom, still playing the game.
action: You put the towel in the window
response: You can stuff the towel in the hole, but it won't form a tight seal and stay in place. You need something more reliable.

You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for checkers.

You hear lots of drunken singing from somewhere else in the apartment.
action: Go south
response: and the bathroom. Your bedroom is to the south, behind an open door, while John's room is to the north, beyond an open door. The bathroom can be reached by going east through an open door.

You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for gin rummy.

Bob staggers into the short hall, looking incredibly dazed.

Evan follows you into the short hall, still playing the game.
action: You go to the west
response: This is the living room of your apartment. Well, at least half of
it *could* be called a living room, in the sense that a person could actually live in it. You and John have long since decided that you would split the room into two, and each be responsible for each one's designated half. Your half, which contains a tasteful paisley couch and mahogany table, looks bright and clean. John's half, on the other hand, has piles of newspaper and beer cans, a ratty sofa which bleeds foam, and a study desk and chair, neither of which have seen much action until the last three days. The center of the room contains items you have both consented to share, such as the TV set, which is currently on.
The kitchen is to the west, the bedrooms and bath to the east, and
the exit (through which you hope to see John go soon) to the north. You see a crumpled paper and a radio here.
John is here, sitting at his special studying desk, trying
desperately to read his psychology textbook.
Alice is here, looking a bit bored.
Carl is here, entertaining himself in his usual banal manner.

John hits his forehead with his hands, muttering, "Think! Think!" It doesn't seem to be working.

"So, John," says Alice, "how're you doing hitting those books? Real swell?" John mumbles something uncomfortably and tries to continue studying.

Evan follows you into the living room, still playing the game.
action: You put the tape on the towel
response: There's no good surface on the pink towel.

John hits his forehead with his hands, muttering, "Think! Think!" It doesn't seem to be working.

Alice reminisces about a really good tuna fish sandwich she once had.

You hear lots of drunken singing from somewhere else in the apartment.
action: You look at the crumpled paper
response: This is a piece of crumpled paper, on which is written a few words on Freudian psychology, most of it incoherent (not that it would make much difference, anyway).

John wails to you, "Could you help quiz me? Please?"

Alice breaks out a pack of cards and plays a hand of bridge with Carl.

You hear a sharp BUMP! followed by a plaintive, "Who pud this wall here *hic*."
action: You get it
response: Taken.

John hits his forehead with his hands, muttering, "Think! Think!" It doesn't seem to be working.

Alice looks outside wistfully. "You know, Carl and I would be outta here now...but we don't have enough money for a proper dinner--not these sad snacks that we have--for both of us. Oh, I have enough for just me, but..." She looks at Carl, who has a mournful look on his face. "...but, I can't be that cruel, can I?"

You hear a loud "Pin pon!" come from the game. Evan grins maniacally.
action: You put the tape on crumpled
response: There's no good surface on the crumpled paper.

John tries to write some notes on a piece of paper, messes up, and, in a fit of frustration, crumples up the paper and throws it to the floor.

"C'mon, John," urges Alice, "take a break, have some fun with us! You can always take more tests next semester!"

You hear a loud "Pin pon!" come from the game. Evan grins maniacally.
action: You look at the tape
response: This is a thick piece of duct tape. In fact, with further examination, you realize that it is a piece of "soundproofing" duct tape you used to construct your closet door. Now you know where that roll went...

John wails to you, "Could you help quiz me? Please?"

The sound of a tremendous belch rocks the apartment.
action: Quiz john
response: You ask John a question about rationalization. "Wait, I know that! I know that!" exclaims John. He grits his teeth and closes his eyes in concentration. "No, wait, I forgot! I forgot!"

John can't help but stare at the TV for a few seconds, mesmerized by the colorful patterns on the screen.

Alice breaks out a pack of cards and plays a hand of poker with Carl.

The sound of a tremendous belch rocks the apartment.
action: You search the sofa
response: That's a job for one braver than you.

John squirms in his seat, trying to concentrate.

Alice looks outside wistfully. "You know, Carl and I would be outta here now...but we don't have enough money for a proper dinner--not these sad snacks that we have--for both of us. Oh, I have enough for just me, but..." She looks at Carl, who has a mournful look on his face. "...but, I can't be that cruel, can I?"

You hear a violent gust of wind blow into John's bedroom, causing the door to slam closed. John, startled by the noise, looks around confusedly. "Um, could you go in my room and close my window, please?" he asks you.
action: You look under the sofa
response: That's a job for one braver than you.

John hits his forehead with his hands, muttering, "Think! Think!" It doesn't seem to be working.

Alice looks outside wistfully. "You know, Carl and I would be outta here now...but we don't have enough money for a proper dinner--not these sad snacks that we have--for both of us. Oh, I have enough for just me, but..." She looks at Carl, who has a mournful look on his face. "...but, I can't be that cruel, can I?"
action: You attach the tape to the towel
response: I don't know how to attach the piece of duct tape.

John hits his forehead with his hands, muttering, "Think! Think!" It doesn't seem to be working.

Carl takes out a candy bar, strips the cellophane off of it, crumples it into a neat, compact ball, and tosses it absent-mindedly in the direction of the kitchen. It lands squarely in the kitchen sink.

Alice breaks out a pack of cards and plays a hand of gin rummy with Carl.

You hear a loud "Pin pon!" come from the game. Evan grins maniacally.
action: You examine table
response: Which table do you mean, the mahogany table, or John's desk?
action: You look at the mahogany
response: This table, with its meticulously polished and dustless surface, was your 20th birthday present. Catching a glimpse of your own reflection against the fine wood grain pattern, you remember why this table has always had a special place in your heart. Currently you see on the table a porcelain vase.

John can't help but stare at the TV for a few seconds, mesmerized by the colorful patterns on the screen.

You hear some banging on the walls.
action: You look in the vase
response: There's nothing in the vase.

Distracted by all of the noise, John momentarily loses his concentration and starts muttering something barely comprehensible about Bob riding his skateboard into the kitchen sink.

"C'mon, John," urges Alice, "take a break, have some fun with us! You can always take more tests next semester!"

You hear some banging on the walls.

You hear a loud "Pin pon!" come from the game. Evan grins maniacally.
action: You examine the desk
response: This is John's "studying" desk, which he bought a few days ago. (He would have used the desk in his room, but he claimed, "I need a fresh start in studying." Actually, he found his desk was glued to the floor and thought it would be faster to buy a new one.)  On the table you see John's psychology book; other than that you see nothing at all.

John squirms in his seat, trying to concentrate.

Alice looks outside wistfully. "You know, Carl and I would be outta here now...but we don't have enough money for a proper dinner--not these sad snacks that we have--for both of us. Oh, I have enough for just me, but..." She looks at Carl, who has a mournful look on his face. "...but, I can't be that cruel, can I?"
action: You search them
response: pile of newspaper and cans: The thought of sticking your bare hands into that filth disgusts you.

John squirms in his seat, trying to concentrate.

Alice reminisces about a really good tuna fish sandwich she once had.

You hear lots of drunken singing from somewhere else in the apartment.

You hear a loud "Pin pon!" come from the game. Evan grins maniacally.
action: You go west
response: When you moved into this apartment, the kitchen was a horrendous
mess. Because you've agreed to let John maintain the kitchen while you maintain the bathroom, it still is; the stove is encrusted with the pathetic results of previous meals, the refrigerator is in sore need of a wipedown, and the kitchen sink as usual is filled with mostly useless items (such as, for example, John's skateboard). A kitchen table sits in the center of the room. The living room is to the east.

You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for canasta.

You hear a sharp BUMP! followed by a plaintive, "Who pud this wall here *hic*."

Evan follows you into the kitchen, still playing the game.
action: You look at the sink
response: This, as you probably surmised, is the kitchen sink. At the moment it is fairly filthy, thanks to John's recent diligent efforts at *not* scrubbing it. Under the sink is a cabinet in which the kitchen plumbing can be accessed. In the kitchen sink there are broken dishes; other than that, you see a skateboard and a piece of cellophane.

The sound of a tremendous belch rocks the apartment.
action: You examine table
response: Scars and stains mar the appearance of this otherwise fine kitchen table. The most recent addition to the marks on the table is a set of long, parallel lines, not unlike skid marks, which point in the general direction of the kitchen sink. Other than these marks, you see on the table a pastel blue box.

From the direction of the living room, you hear Alice trying to sing "American Pie" along with the radio, and doing it badly.
action: You look at the box
response: The box of chocolates was intended to be a birthday present from your mother. Unfortunately, John, mistaking anything with a molecular structure to be his, has already opened the box and ravaged its contents: there is only a bare fraction of the hundred chocolates that used to be inside. There is a torn label on the side of box. In the box you see a square dark chocolate, a square light chocolate, a round dark chocolate, a round light chocolate, a shell-shaped dark chocolate, a shell-shaped light chocolate, a triangular dark chocolate, a triangular light chocolate, a hexagonal dark chocolate, a hexagonal light chocolate, and a torn card.
action: You look at the card
response: The torn card is missing the brand name of the chocolates, but the ingredients list is still readable.

From the direction of the living room, you hear Alice trying to sing "Y.M.C.A." along with the radio, and doing it badly.

You hear lots of drunken singing from somewhere else in the apartment.

You hear a loud "Pin pon!" come from the game. Evan grins maniacally.
action: You read the card
response: The card emphasizes the variety of fillings used to make these chocolates. In the ingredients list, you note that the chocolates are filled with caramel, coconut, marzipan, peanuts, almonds, pecans, cherry liqueur, marshmallow, fudge, and mint.

The sound of crumpling cellophane, grating your ears, comes in from the direction of the living room.
action: You get the box
response: Taken.

Bob staggers into the kitchen, looking incredibly dazed.

You hear a loud "Pin pon!" come from the game. Evan grins maniacally.
action: You get all from the sink
response: skateboard: Taken.
piece of cellophane: Taken.

Bob staggers off to the east.
action: You open the fridge
response: Opening the refrigerator reveals a beer can and some raw cookie dough.

The sound of crumpling cellophane, grating your ears, comes in from the direction of the living room.
action: You get the beer can
response: Taken.
action: You get the cookie dough
response: You've already got your hands full.

You hear a violent gust of wind from the direction of John's bedroom, and then a loud "BANG!"

Bob staggers into the kitchen, looking incredibly dazed.

You hear a loud "Pin pon!" come from the game. Evan grins maniacally.
action: You look at it
response: This is a baseball-sized lump of raw cookie dough, a favorite food of John's. It's grown a little stale and moldy since it last saw the light of day but still retains a bit of elasticity and stickiness.

From the direction of the living room, you hear Alice trying to sing some country song along with the radio, and doing it badly.
action: Drop box
response: Dropped.

Bob, thinking that he's walking in a straight line, toes a path more akin to the outline of a Picasso painting than anything else.

You hear a loud "Pin pon!" come from the game. Evan grins maniacally.
action: You get the dough
response: Taken.

You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for poker.

In a loud voice, Bob brags about crushing a bunch of plastic models on John's table.
action: Go east
response: This is the living room of your apartment. Well, at least half of
it *could* be called a living room, in the sense that a person could actually live in it. You and John have long since decided that you would split the room into two, and each be responsible for each one's designated half. Your half, which contains a tasteful paisley couch and mahogany table, looks bright and clean. John's half, on the other hand, has piles of newspaper and beer cans, a ratty sofa which bleeds foam, and a study desk and chair, neither of which have seen much action until the last three days. The center of the room contains items you have both consented to share, such as the TV set, which is currently on.
The kitchen is to the west, the bedrooms and bath to the east, and
the exit (through which you hope to see John go soon) to the north. You see a radio and a crumpled paper here.
John is here, sitting at his special studying desk, trying
desperately to read his psychology textbook.
Alice is here, looking a bit bored.
Carl is here, entertaining himself in his usual banal manner.

"I think I remember hearing somewhere that fish is good for you," says Alice.

Bob staggers into the living room, looking incredibly dazed.

Evan follows you into the living room, still playing the game.
action: Go east
response: and the bathroom. Your bedroom is to the south, behind an open door, while John's room is to the north, beyond an open door. The bathroom can be reached by going east through an open door.

From the direction of the living room, you hear Alice trying to sing some country song along with the radio, and doing it badly.

Evan follows you into the short hall, still playing the game.
action: You go to the north
response: his stuff, though for the most part you don't take advantage of this. Like your room, John's room has a bed, dresser, desk, and an open closet door to the east. Unlike your room, it is quite disorganized, to say the least. Sheets are spread all over the room and clothes, as well as less-speakable debris, are strewn about, giving the room a ripe, musty odor not unlike rotting fruit in an ancient tomb; broken plastic models litter the scarred desk. Set in the north wall is a closed window to the outside world. There is a (fortunately) open door to the south.
You see a wastebasket here.

The sound of crumpling cellophane, grating your ears, comes in from the direction of the living room.

Evan follows you into John's bedroom, still playing the game.
action: You put dough in the hole
response: You stick the cookie dough in the hole. It fits quite nicely.
Working the edges with your hands, you quickly form an efficient seal which should keep the wind out.

The sound of a tremendous belch rocks the apartment.

You hear a loud "Pin pon!" come from the game. Evan grins maniacally.
action: Go south
response: and the bathroom. Your bedroom is to the south, behind an open door, while John's room is to the north, beyond an open door. The bathroom can be reached by going east through an open door.
You see Bob, staggering around, like the slightest hint of alcohol
in the air will send him crashing to the ground here.

In a loud voice, Bob brags about riding John's skateboard into the kitchen sink.

Evan follows you into the short hall, still playing the game.
action: You go to the west
response: This is the living room of your apartment. Well, at least half of
it *could* be called a living room, in the sense that a person could actually live in it. You and John have long since decided that you would split the room into two, and each be responsible for each one's designated half. Your half, which contains a tasteful paisley couch and mahogany table, looks bright and clean. John's half, on the other hand, has piles of newspaper and beer cans, a ratty sofa which bleeds foam, and a study desk and chair, neither of which have seen much action until the last three days. The center of the room contains items you have both consented to share, such as the TV set, which is currently on.
The kitchen is to the west, the bedrooms and bath to the east, and
the exit (through which you hope to see John go soon) to the north. You see a radio and a crumpled paper here.
John is here, sitting at his special studying desk, trying
desperately to read his psychology textbook.
Alice is here, looking a bit bored.
Carl is here, entertaining himself in his usual banal manner.

John tries to write some notes on a piece of paper, messes up, and, in a fit of frustration, crumples up the paper and throws it to the floor.

Alice takes out a bag of carob-covered malt balls, empties the contents into her hands, and chucks the empty bag off John's desk, onto the floor.

Alice and Carl, needing to stretch their legs, get up and dance the tango for a little while.

Evan follows you into the living room, still playing the game.
action: You search the newspapers
response: With the catcher's mitt on your hand, you confidently wade through the junk pile without fear of contamination. Your efforts are rewarded, as you unearth the lost television remote control!

John hits his forehead with his hands, muttering, "Think! Think!" It doesn't seem to be working.

Alice and Carl, needing to stretch their legs, get up and dance the Charleston for a little while.

Bob, thinking that he's walking in a straight line, toes a path more akin to the outline of a Picasso painting than anything else.
action: You take the control
response: You already have the remote control!

John tries to write some notes on a piece of paper, messes up, and, in a fit of frustration, crumples up the paper and throws it to the floor.

Alice takes out a bag of potato chips, empties the contents into her hands, and chucks the empty bag into the hallway.

Alice and Carl, needing to stretch their legs, get up and dance the rumba for a little while.

Bob staggers off to the west.

You hear a loud "Pin pon!" come from the game. Evan grins maniacally.
action: You remove mitt
response: Okay, you're no longer wearing the catcher's mitt.

"Rationalization, displacement, displacement, displacement!" John recites desperately.

"This feels like the perfect night for fish and chips," says Alice.

You hear lots of drunken singing from somewhere else in the apartment.
action: You turn off the tv
response: With a profound sigh of relief, you press the power button and end the television's reign of terror upon your brain.

Alice reminisces about a really good tuna fish sandwich she once had.

You hear a sharp BUMP! followed by a plaintive, "Who pud this wall here *hic*."
action: You go west
response: When you moved into this apartment, the kitchen was a horrendous
mess. Because you've agreed to let John maintain the kitchen while you maintain the bathroom, it still is; the stove is encrusted with the pathetic results of previous meals, the refrigerator is in sore need of a wipedown, and the kitchen sink as usual is filled with mostly useless items. A kitchen table sits in the center of the room. The living room is to the east.
You see a pastel blue box and Bob, staggering around, like the slightest hint of alcohol in the air will send him crashing to the ground here. The pastel blue box seems to contain a square dark chocolate, a square light chocolate, a round dark chocolate, a round light chocolate, a shell-shaped dark chocolate, a shell-shaped light chocolate, a triangular dark chocolate, a triangular light chocolate, a hexagonal dark chocolate, a hexagonal light chocolate, and a torn card.

Bob staggers off to the east.

Evan follows you into the kitchen, still playing the game.
action: Go east
response: This is the living room of your apartment. Well, at least half of
it *could* be called a living room, in the sense that a person could actually live in it. You and John have long since decided that you would split the room into two, and each be responsible for each one's designated half. Your half, which contains a tasteful paisley couch and mahogany table, looks bright and clean. John's half, on the other hand, has piles of newspaper and beer cans, a ratty sofa which bleeds foam, and a study desk and chair, neither of which have seen much action until the last three days. The center of the room contains items you have both consented to share, such as the TV set, which is currently off.
The kitchen is to the west, the bedrooms and bath to the east, and
the exit (through which you hope to see John go soon) to the north. You see a radio, three crumpled papers, a snack food bag, and Bob, staggering around, like the slightest hint of alcohol in the air will send him crashing to the ground here.
John is here, sitting at his special studying desk, trying
desperately to read his psychology textbook.
Alice is here, looking a bit bored.
Carl is here, entertaining himself in his usual banal manner.

John hits his forehead with his hands, muttering, "Think! Think!" It doesn't seem to be working.

Carl takes out a candy bar, strips the cellophane off of it, crumples it into a neat, compact ball, and tosses it absent-mindedly in the direction of the kitchen. The cellophane bounces off the refrigerator, and skims the edge of the kitchen sink. Just as it looks as if it would go in, it falls to the floor.

Alice breaks out a pack of cards and plays a hand of whist with Carl.

Bob, thinking that he's walking in a straight line, toes a path more akin to the outline of a Picasso painting than anything else.

Evan follows you into the living room, still playing the game.
action: You give the beer to Bob
response: Bob eagerly snatches the can from your hands. The moment he raises it to his lips he gags violently. "Whadzz thizz?" he moans. "Milk! No good!" He tosses the can back to you.

Alice takes out a bag of potato chips, empties the contents into her hands, and chucks the empty bag into the hallway.

Alice breaks out a pack of cards and plays a hand of baccarat with Carl.

In a loud voice, Bob brags about banging his head against the wall fifty-seven times without going unconscious.

You hear a loud "Pin pon!" come from the game. Evan grins maniacally.
action: You look at the can
response: This is an open beer can, probably being saved by John for a rainy (or dry) day. It's almost full.

"Repression, projection, sublimation, projection!" John recites desperately.

Carl takes out a candy bar, strips the cellophane off of it, crumples it into a neat, compact ball, and tosses it absent-mindedly in the direction of the kitchen. The cellophane bounces off the refrigerator, and skims the edge of the kitchen sink. Just as it looks as if it would go in, it falls to the floor.

Alice breaks out a pack of cards and plays a hand of bridge with Carl.

Bob staggers off to the east.

You hear a loud "Pin pon!" come from the game. Evan grins maniacally.
action: You look in the can
response: There is still some milk in the can.

John grits his teeth and grinds a pencil down to a stub.

Carl takes out a candy bar, strips the cellophane off of it, crumples it into a neat, compact ball, and tosses it absent-mindedly in the direction of the TV. It bounces forlornly off and rolls into the center of the living room.

Alice breaks out a pack of cards and plays a hand of baccarat with Carl.
action: You go to the west
response: When you moved into this apartment, the kitchen was a horrendous
mess. Because you've agreed to let John maintain the kitchen while you maintain the bathroom, it still is; the stove is encrusted with the pathetic results of previous meals, the refrigerator is in sore need of a wipedown, and the kitchen sink as usual is filled with mostly useless items. A kitchen table sits in the center of the room. The living room is to the east.
You see a pastel blue box and two piece of cellophanes here. The pastel blue box seems to contain a square dark chocolate, a square light chocolate, a round dark chocolate, a round light chocolate, a shell-shaped dark chocolate, a shell-shaped light chocolate, a triangular dark chocolate, a triangular light chocolate, a hexagonal dark chocolate, a hexagonal light chocolate, and a torn card.

You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for shogi.

Evan follows you into the kitchen, still playing the game.
action: You get the box
response: You've already got your hands full.

The sound of a tremendous belch rocks the apartment.

You hear a loud "Pin pon!" come from the game. Evan grins maniacally.
action: You look at the card
response: The torn card is missing the brand name of the chocolates, but the ingredients list is still readable.

You hear a sharp BUMP! followed by a plaintive, "Who pud this wall here *hic*."

You hear a loud "Pin pon!" come from the game. Evan grins maniacally.
action: You read it
response: The card emphasizes the variety of fillings used to make these chocolates. In the ingredients list, you note that the chocolates are filled with caramel, coconut, marzipan, peanuts, almonds, pecans, cherry liqueur, marshmallow, fudge, and mint.

The sound of a tremendous belch rocks the apartment.
action: Inventory
response: You have two piece of cellophanes, a blue wrapper, a catcher's mitt, a piece of duct tape, a pink towel, a crumpled paper, a skateboard, a beer can, and a remote control.

From the direction of the living room, you hear Alice trying to sing "Love Shack" along with the radio, and doing it badly.

You hear a loud "Pin pon!" come from the game. Evan grins maniacally.
action: You drop the remote
response: Dropped.

The sound of crumpling cellophane, grating your ears, comes in from the direction of the living room.

The sound of a tremendous belch rocks the apartment.

You hear a loud "Pin pon!" come from the game. Evan grins maniacally.
action: You get the box
response: Taken.

The sound of crumpling cellophane, grating your ears, comes in from the direction of the living room.

You hear a loud "Pin pon!" come from the game. Evan grins maniacally.
action: You put tape on the game
response: You place the duct tape on the speaker.

You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for go.
action: You look at the round
response: Which round do you mean, the round dark chocolate, or the round light chocolate?
action: You look at round dark
response: It looks like an ordinary round dark chocolate to me.
action: You eat it
response: John's hands have probably been all over this chocolate. This alone convinces you not to eat it.

The sound of crumpling cellophane, grating your ears, comes in from the direction of the living room.
action: You get the box
response: You already have the pastel blue box!
action: You go east
response: This is the living room of your apartment. Well, at least half of
it *could* be called a living room, in the sense that a person could actually live in it. You and John have long since decided that you would split the room into two, and each be responsible for each one's designated half. Your half, which contains a tasteful paisley couch and mahogany table, looks bright and clean. John's half, on the other hand, has piles of newspaper and beer cans, a ratty sofa which bleeds foam, and a study desk and chair, neither of which have seen much action until the last three days. The center of the room contains items you have both consented to share, such as the TV set, which is currently off.
The kitchen is to the west, the bedrooms and bath to the east, and
the exit (through which you hope to see John go soon) to the north. You see a radio, three crumpled papers, a snack food bag, and a
piece of cellophane here.
John is here, sitting at his special studying desk, trying
desperately to read his psychology textbook.
Alice is here, looking a bit bored.
Carl is here, entertaining himself in his usual banal manner.

John squirms in his seat, trying to concentrate.

Alice and Carl, needing to stretch their legs, get up and dance the tango for a little while.

Evan follows you into the living room, still playing the game.
action: You go to the east
response: and the bathroom. Your bedroom is to the south, behind an open door, while John's room is to the north, beyond an open door. The bathroom can be reached by going east through an open door.
You see two snack food bags here.

You hear some banging on the walls.

Evan follows you into the short hall, still playing the game.
action: You go north
response: his stuff, though for the most part you don't take advantage of this. Like your room, John's room has a bed, dresser, desk, and an open closet door to the east. Unlike your room, it is quite disorganized, to say the least. Sheets are spread all over the room and clothes, as well as less-speakable debris, are strewn about, giving the room a ripe, musty odor not unlike rotting fruit in an ancient tomb; broken plastic models litter the scarred desk. Set in the north wall is a closed window to the outside world. There is a (fortunately) open door to the south.
You see a wastebasket here. The window seems to contain some raw cookie dough.

Evan follows you into John's bedroom, still playing the game.
action: You go to the east
response: The bathroom, fortunately, is one of the rooms you've agreed to maintain, and as a result it isn't too filthy. Against the north wall is a gleaming sink and a mirror mounted above it; next to the mirror is a medicine cabinet. On the south wall is a towel rack. A toilet and shower, both scrubbed to exquisite perfection with lye-based cleansers, complete this traditional bathroom. The only exit to this bathroom is through a door to the west, which is open.

You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for mah jongg.

You hear a sharp BUMP! followed by some energetic banging on the walls.

Evan follows you into the bathroom, still playing the game.
action: You go west
response: and the bathroom. Your bedroom is to the south, behind an open door, while John's room is to the north, beyond an open door. The bathroom can be reached by going east through an open door.
You see two snack food bags here.

The sound of crumpling cellophane, grating your ears, comes in from the direction of the living room.

You hear some banging on the walls.

Evan follows you into the short hall, still playing the game.
action: You go to the west
response: This is the living room of your apartment. Well, at least half of
it *could* be called a living room, in the sense that a person could actually live in it. You and John have long since decided that you would split the room into two, and each be responsible for each one's designated half. Your half, which contains a tasteful paisley couch and mahogany table, looks bright and clean. John's half, on the other hand, has piles of newspaper and beer cans, a ratty sofa which bleeds foam, and a study desk and chair, neither of which have seen much action until the last three days. The center of the room contains items you have both consented to share, such as the TV set, which is currently off.
The kitchen is to the west, the bedrooms and bath to the east, and
the exit (through which you hope to see John go soon) to the north. You see a radio, three crumpled papers, a snack food bag, and a
piece of cellophane here.
John is here, sitting at his special studying desk, trying
desperately to read his psychology textbook.
Alice is here, looking a bit bored.
Carl is here, entertaining himself in his usual banal manner.

Distracted by all of the noise, John momentarily loses his concentration and starts muttering about his need to get more duct tape to fix the broken models on his desk.

Evan follows you into the living room, still playing the game.
action: You give the tape to John
response: You're not carrying the piece of duct tape.

"Displacement, rationalization, projection, repression!" John recites desperately.

"This feels like the perfect night for fish and chips," says Alice.
action: Go west
response: When you moved into this apartment, the kitchen was a horrendous
mess. Because you've agreed to let John maintain the kitchen while you maintain the bathroom, it still is; the stove is encrusted with the pathetic results of previous meals, the refrigerator is in sore need of a wipedown, and the kitchen sink as usual is filled with mostly useless items. A kitchen table sits in the center of the room. The living room is to the east.
You see two piece of cellophanes and a remote control here.

Evan follows you into the kitchen, still playing the game.
action: You go east
response: This is the living room of your apartment. Well, at least half of
it *could* be called a living room, in the sense that a person could actually live in it. You and John have long since decided that you would split the room into two, and each be responsible for each one's designated half. Your half, which contains a tasteful paisley couch and mahogany table, looks bright and clean. John's half, on the other hand, has piles of newspaper and beer cans, a ratty sofa which bleeds foam, and a study desk and chair, neither of which have seen much action until the last three days. The center of the room contains items you have both consented to share, such as the TV set, which is currently off.
The kitchen is to the west, the bedrooms and bath to the east, and
the exit (through which you hope to see John go soon) to the north. You see a radio, three crumpled papers, a snack food bag, and a
piece of cellophane here.
John is here, sitting at his special studying desk, trying
desperately to read his psychology textbook.
Alice is here, looking a bit bored.
Carl is here, entertaining himself in his usual banal manner.

John squirms in his seat, trying to concentrate.

"So, John," says Alice, "how're you doing hitting those books? Real swell?" John mumbles something uncomfortably and tries to continue studying.

Evan follows you into the living room, still playing the game.
action: You go east
response: and the bathroom. Your bedroom is to the south, behind an open door, while John's room is to the north, beyond an open door. The bathroom can be reached by going east through an open door.
You see two snack food bags here.

You hear a sharp BUMP! followed by some energetic banging on the walls.

Evan follows you into the short hall, still playing the game.
action: You go south
response: This is your bedroom, for which you can be proud. Mostly bare,
since many of your possessions are out for dry cleaning, the room looks neater than ever. Your bed, sitting in one corner, is immaculately made, and your desk, placed against the northern wall, has a clear surface which reveals its mirror-shine polish. A fine mahogany dresser sits against the south wall, and a mirror sits atop it. There is an open door to the north and an open closet door to the east.
You see a swivel chair here.

Evan follows you into your bedroom, still playing the game.
action: You examine the dresser
response: This is a dresser made of fine mahogany wood. The surface is dust-free and so shiny you could comb your hair by your reflection in the wood. The drawers are closed.

You see Bob stagger in from the door to the east.
action: You give the chocolate to Bob
response: Which chocolate do you mean, the blue wrapper, the pastel blue box, the square dark chocolate, the square light chocolate, the round dark chocolate, the round light chocolate, the shell-shaped dark chocolate, the shell-shaped light chocolate, the triangular dark chocolate, the triangular light chocolate, the hexagonal dark chocolate, or the hexagonal light chocolate?
action: Square
response: Let's try it again: Which chocolate do you mean, the square dark chocolate, or the square light chocolate?
action: Dark
response: Bob snarfs down the chocolate, and then gags violently. "Marzipan!" he exclaims. "I hade marzipan!" He teeters unsteadily in his drunken rage. "If...if you gib me another chocolid filled with something I don' like, I'll...I... I...won't take any more chocolidzz from you!"

You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for checkers.
action: You give the square to Bob
response: Bob eats the chocolate, but is livid when he finds out it's filled with mint. He looks pretty angry now, and rambles about not liking "mint" and says he'll never accept chocolate from you again, and probably no one else in the world as well, as his trust was betrayed, and so forth.

Bob staggers through the door to the east.
action: Dark
response: It smells just like you expect a square dark chocolate to smell.

Bob tries to go through a wall. His head rebounds violently off the hard plaster surface. "Thangs," he says dazedly, "I needed datd."
action: You give the square dark to Evan
response: Evan is too involved in beating the trivia game to notice your offer, which probably wouldn't have seemed too attractive to him anyhow.

In a loud voice, Bob brags about drinking his weight in beer.
action: You read the card
response: Dimly illuminated, this closet provides you with an impenetrable defense against outside noise. The door, which is to the west and open, is steel-reinforced and soundproof, preventing even the loudest party sounds from getting through. Though the closet is small, it is roomy enough for you and several of your favorite textbooks, and you've studied for many an exam here.
You see a toolbox here.

You see Bob stagger in from the door to the west.

Evan follows you into your closet, still playing the game.

The card emphasizes the variety of fillings used to make these chocolates. In the ingredients list, you note that the chocolates are filled with caramel, coconut, marzipan, peanuts, almonds, pecans, cherry liqueur, marshmallow, fudge, and mint.

Bob tries to go through a wall. His head rebounds violently off the hard plaster surface. "Thang you sir, may I hab uhnudder?" he says humbly.
action: You examine the toolbox
response: This toolbox holds most of your favorite tools. Unfortunately many of them have been "borrowed" by John. In the toolbox you see a wrench.

Bob tries to think of some drinking songs he knows and sing them. He has no sense of pitch, but that unfortunately doesn't keep him from trying.
action: You get the wrench
response: Taken.

Bob staggers through the door to the west.
action: You go to the west
response: This is your bedroom, for which you can be proud. Mostly bare,
since many of your possessions are out for dry cleaning, the room looks neater than ever. Your bed, sitting in one corner, is immaculately made, and your desk, placed against the northern wall, has a clear surface which reveals its mirror-shine polish. A fine mahogany dresser sits against the south wall, and a mirror sits atop it. There is an open door to the north and an open closet door to the east.
You see a swivel chair and Bob, staggering around, like the
slightest hint of alcohol in the air will send him crashing to the ground here.

You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for gin rummy.

Evan follows you into your bedroom, still playing the game.
action: You look at the desk
response: This is your mahogany desk, a gift to you on your fifteenth birthday. You've spent many a long hour studying at this desk, and many more polishing it. Even now, as you look at it, you get the urge to wipe off a few molecules of dust from its surface with your sleeve, but you resist, as you would get your shirt dirty. There is a drawer on the front of the desk which is closed.

Bob staggers through the door to the east.
action: You open the drawer
response: Opened.

You hear some banging on the walls.
action: You look in it
response: The desk drawer is open. There's nothing in the desk drawer.

You hear a sharp BUMP! followed by some energetic banging on the walls.
action: You look in the closet
response: You see the interior of the closet through the open door, but you'll have to go inside to get a better look at what's there.

The sound of crumpling cellophane, grating your ears, comes in from the direction of the living room.
action: Go inside
response: You can't go that way.

You hear some banging on the walls.
action: You enter the closet
response: I don't know how to enter your closet door.

You hear a sharp BUMP! followed by some energetic banging on the walls.
action: You describe your surroundings
response: This is your bedroom, for which you can be proud. Mostly bare,
since many of your possessions are out for dry cleaning, the room looks neater than ever. Your bed, sitting in one corner, is immaculately made, and your desk, placed against the northern wall, has a clear surface which reveals its mirror-shine polish. A fine mahogany dresser sits against the south wall, and a mirror sits atop it. There is an open door to the north and an open closet door to the east.
You see a swivel chair here.
Evan is here, playing an electronic trivia game.

You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for poker.

You see Bob stagger in from the door to the east.
action: You ask Evan about the chocolate
response: Evan blithely continues playing even as you ask him a question. Perhaps if you took that game from him, he'd pay attention...

You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for Monopoly.

Bob stares at the mirror and, with all the machismo possible from a drunken sot, brags about some sports exploit of his. Unfortunately it involves terms you are unfamiliar with, and that you suspect are totally made up.
action: You get the game
response: You yank the game out of Evan's hands. In the process Evan's fingers brush against the game's on/off switch, turning the game off. Evan looks extremely surprised and perturbed.

Going into deep financial detail, Evan gives a discourse on the rise and fall of Infocom, Inc. He also mentions how much he liked that little robot Floyd.

Bob staggers through the door to the north.
action: You ask Evan about Floyd
response: "Ah, 'floyd', now that's an interesting word," says Evan. "Let me tell you about its etymology..."
action: You ask Evan about the chocolate
response: "Hmmm," says Evan. "I'm well versed in the ways of chocolate and their contents--I've never been stuck with a coconut-filled chocolate myself. However, I can't tell you much unless I know what brand this chocolate is."

The sound of crumpling cellophane, grating your ears, comes in from the direction of the living room.

Evan wonders what the world would be like if Fermat had a lot more space in his margins.

You hear a sharp BUMP! followed by a plaintive, "Who pud this wall here *hic*."
action: You examine torn
response: The torn card is missing the brand name of the chocolates, but the ingredients list is still readable.

You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for canasta.

Evan talks about Napoleon's use of artillery at Waterloo.

The sound of a tremendous belch rocks the apartment.
action: Examine box
response: The box of chocolates was intended to be a birthday present from your mother. Unfortunately, John, mistaking anything with a molecular structure to be his, has already opened the box and ravaged its contents: there is only a bare fraction of the hundred chocolates that used to be inside. There is a torn label on the side of box. In the box you see a square dark chocolate, a square light chocolate, a round dark chocolate, a round light chocolate, a shell-shaped dark chocolate, a shell-shaped light chocolate, a triangular dark chocolate, a triangular light chocolate, a hexagonal dark chocolate, a hexagonal light chocolate, and a torn card.

Evan gives an impromptu talk about Brazil in the (hypothetical) 2030's.

You hear lots of drunken singing from somewhere else in the apartment.
action: Examine wrapper
response: This looks like a wrapper for some sort of box. It's pastel blue, with a paisley pattern tastefully silkscreened on. A small gold seal, mostly intact, has the logo for "Dee's Chocolates" on it.

You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for Monopoly.

Evan gives an impromptu talk about the differences between the Meiji and postwar constitutions of Japan.

You hear a sharp BUMP! followed by a plaintive, "Who pud this wall here *hic*."
action: You give the wrapper to Evan
response: Evan starts talking about the blue wrapper's history and forgets to even consider whether to accept your offer or not.

You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for checkers.

Evan speculates about the recipe for Greek fire.
action: You show the wrapper to Evan
response: "Ah, how interesting," says Evan. "The wrapper for a box of Dee's chocolates. Serial number 4888602, had a very specific combination of shapes and fillings. Hmmm...let's see if I remember... hexagonal dark chocolates were filled with peanuts, hexagonal light chocolates were filled with mint, triangular light chocolates were filled with pecans, triangular dark chocolates were filled with cherry liqueur, shell-shaped light chocolates were filled with marshmallow, shell-shaped dark chocolates were filled with caramel, round light chocolates were filled with fudge, round dark chocolates were filled with coconut, square light chocolates were filled with almonds, and square dark chocolates were filled with marzipan."

Evan makes a few remarks about the possibility of steam saving the world.

You hear a sharp BUMP! followed by a plaintive, "Who pud this wall here *hic*."
action: You go to the east
response: Dimly illuminated, this closet provides you with an impenetrable defense against outside noise. The door, which is to the west and open, is steel-reinforced and soundproof, preventing even the loudest party sounds from getting through. Though the closet is small, it is roomy enough for you and several of your favorite textbooks, and you've studied for many an exam here.
You see a toolbox here.

Evan follows you into your closet.
action: Go west
response: This is your bedroom, for which you can be proud. Mostly bare,
since many of your possessions are out for dry cleaning, the room looks neater than ever. Your bed, sitting in one corner, is immaculately made, and your desk, placed against the northern wall, has a clear surface which reveals its mirror-shine polish. A fine mahogany dresser sits against the south wall, and a mirror sits atop it. There is an open door to the north and an open closet door to the east.
You see a swivel chair here.

You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for go.

Evan follows you into your bedroom.
action: You go to the north
response: and the bathroom. Your bedroom is to the south, behind an open door, while John's room is to the north, beyond an open door. The bathroom can be reached by going east through an open door.
You see two snack food bags and Bob, staggering around, like the slightest hint of alcohol in the air will send him crashing to the ground here.

You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for gin rummy.

Evan follows you into the short hall.

In a loud voice, Bob brags about banging his head against the wall fifty-seven times without going unconscious.
action: You give the triangular dark chocolate to Bob
response: Bob eats the chocolate. "Mmmm!" he exclaims ecstatically. "Cherry! My favorite..." Suddenly, Bob shakes his head once. Then twice. His eyes cross, his body stiffens, then relaxes. Finally, with only the hint of a belch on his lips, Bob gently settles his considerable bulk onto the floor.

"I believe," says Evan, "that a philosopher once said, 'Money isn't everything, but it sure is a lot.'"

Bob lets out a loud snore which sounds truly hideous.
action: You get Bob
response: He's pretty heavy, but carryable. You sling him over your shoulder.

"I believe," says Evan, "that a philosopher once said, 'There is only one fate worse than death, and that is not having a life.'"
action: You go north
response: his stuff, though for the most part you don't take advantage of this. Like your room, John's room has a bed, dresser, desk, and an open closet door to the east. Unlike your room, it is quite disorganized, to say the least. Sheets are spread all over the room and clothes, as well as less-speakable debris, are strewn about, giving the room a ripe, musty odor not unlike rotting fruit in an ancient tomb; broken plastic models litter the scarred desk. Set in the north wall is a closed window to the outside world. There is a (fortunately) open door to the south.
You see a wastebasket here. The window seems to contain some raw cookie dough.

You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for canasta.

Evan follows you into John's bedroom.
action: You go east
response: This is John's closet. There are no skeletons hiding here, but considering the amount of dust and dirty clothes around, you would hardly be surprised if one of the undead were lurking around in this dimly lit space. The one exit is a door to the west, which is open.

Evan follows you into John's closet.
action: Sleepwalk east
response: "Ah, 'sleepwalk', now that's an interesting word," says Evan. "Let me tell you about its etymology..."
action: You check your inventory
response: You have two piece of cellophanes, a blue wrapper, a catcher's mitt, a pink towel, a crumpled paper, a skateboard, a beer can, a pastel blue box, a wrench, and a handheld electronic trivia game. The pastel blue box seems to contain a square dark chocolate, a square light chocolate, a round dark chocolate, a round light chocolate, a shell-shaped dark chocolate, a shell-shaped light chocolate, a triangular light chocolate, a hexagonal dark chocolate, a hexagonal light chocolate, and a torn card. The speaker seems to contain a piece of duct tape.

"I believe," says Evan, "that a philosopher once said, 'There is only one fate worse than death, and that is not having a life.'"

From elsewhere in the apartment, you hear Bob's snores shaking the foundations of the earth.
action: You go to the west
response: his stuff, though for the most part you don't take advantage of this. Like your room, John's room has a bed, dresser, desk, and an open closet door to the east. Unlike your room, it is quite disorganized, to say the least. Sheets are spread all over the room and clothes, as well as less-speakable debris, are strewn about, giving the room a ripe, musty odor not unlike rotting fruit in an ancient tomb; broken plastic models litter the scarred desk. Set in the north wall is a closed window to the outside world. There is a (fortunately) open door to the south.
You see a wastebasket here. The window seems to contain some raw cookie dough.

You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for go.

Evan follows you into John's bedroom.
action: You go south
response: and the bathroom. Your bedroom is to the south, behind an open door, while John's room is to the north, beyond an open door. The bathroom can be reached by going east through an open door.
You see two snack food bags and Bob, lying quite unconscious here.

You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for Parchesi.

Evan follows you into the short hall.

Bob lets out a loud snore which sounds truly hideous.
action: You get Bob
response: He's pretty heavy, but carryable. You sling him over your shoulder.

Evan speculates about the recipe for the secret sauce on a Big Mac.

Bob lets out a loud snore which sounds truly hideous.
action: You check what you're carrying
response: You have two piece of cellophanes, a blue wrapper, a catcher's mitt, a pink towel, a crumpled paper, a skateboard, a beer can, a pastel blue box, a wrench, and a handheld electronic trivia game. The pastel blue box seems to contain a square dark chocolate, a square light chocolate, a round dark chocolate, a round light chocolate, a shell-shaped dark chocolate, a shell-shaped light chocolate, a triangular light chocolate, a hexagonal dark chocolate, a hexagonal light chocolate, and a torn card. The speaker seems to contain a piece of duct tape.

Evan gives a short speech about what's wrong with a recent popular movie and how he would change things.

Bob lets out a loud snore which sounds truly hideous.
action: You get Bob
response: He's pretty heavy, but carryable. You sling him over your shoulder.

The sound of crumpling cellophane, grating your ears, comes in from the direction of the living room.

"I've always wondered what life would be like if it were exactly like a text adventure game," says Evan. "I'm not sure I'd like it. For example, everyone you knew would just be mindless, finite-state automatons who do the same thing over and over again."

Bob lets out a loud snore which sounds truly hideous.
action: You get Bob
response: He's pretty heavy, but carryable. You sling him over your shoulder.

"I believe," says Evan, "that a philosopher once said, 'Man is not alone in the universe. There are women too.'"
action: You look around
response: and the bathroom. Your bedroom is to the south, behind an open door, while John's room is to the north, beyond an open door. The bathroom can be reached by going east through an open door.
You see two snack food bags and Bob, lying quite unconscious here. Evan is here, expounding upon some obscure piece of trivia.

Evan gives an impromptu talk about the differences between the Meiji and postwar constitutions of Japan.
action: Go south
response: This is your bedroom, for which you can be proud. Mostly bare,
since many of your possessions are out for dry cleaning, the room looks neater than ever. Your bed, sitting in one corner, is immaculately made, and your desk, placed against the northern wall, has a clear surface which reveals its mirror-shine polish. A fine mahogany dresser sits against the south wall, and a mirror sits atop it. There is an open door to the north and an open closet door to the east.
You see a swivel chair here.

Evan follows you into your bedroom.
action: You go to the east
response: Dimly illuminated, this closet provides you with an impenetrable defense against outside noise. The door, which is to the west and open, is steel-reinforced and soundproof, preventing even the loudest party sounds from getting through. Though the closet is small, it is roomy enough for you and several of your favorite textbooks, and you've studied for many an exam here.
You see a toolbox here.

Evan follows you into your closet.
action: You go to the south
response: (I don't see any toolbox here.)

You can't go that way.

You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for chess.

Evan speculates about the recipe for Coca-Cola.

From elsewhere in the apartment, you hear Bob's snores shaking the foundations of the earth.
action: You put Bob on the chair
response: Done.

"I've always wondered what life would be like if it were exactly like a text adventure game," says Evan. "I'm not sure I'd like it. For example, everyone you knew would just be mindless, finite-state automatons who do the same thing over and over again."

Bob lets out a loud snore which sounds truly hideous.
action: You describe your surroundings
response: and the bathroom. Your bedroom is to the south, behind an open door, while John's room is to the north, beyond an open door. The bathroom can be reached by going east through an open door.
You see two snack food bags and a swivel chair here.
Evan is here, expounding upon some obscure piece of trivia.

Evan wonders what the world would be like if everyone walked on the ceiling.
action: You examine Bob
response: Bob, alleged star athlete on the school's basket weaving team (Australian rules), is rather crude, rude, perpetually inebriated, and more than a bit ditzy. Unfortunately, that's his good side. He's looking a little better than usual today, though, having recently pulled through a savage bout with scurvy, but fortunately (from Bob's point of view), you don't need teeth to drink beer. At the moment he's thoroughly passed out.

The sound of crumpling cellophane, grating your ears, comes in from the direction of the living room.

Evan gives a short speech about what's wrong with mass transit and how he would change things.

Bob lets out a loud snore which sounds truly hideous.
action: Go west
response: This is your bedroom, for which you can be proud. Mostly bare,
since many of your possessions are out for dry cleaning, the room looks neater than ever. Your bed, sitting in one corner, is immaculately made, and your desk, placed against the northern wall, has a clear surface which reveals its mirror-shine polish. A fine mahogany dresser sits against the south wall, and a mirror sits atop it. There is an open door to the north and an open closet door to the east.

Evan follows you into your bedroom.
action: You close the door
response: Which door do you mean, your closet door, or your bedroom door?
action: Closet
response: Closed.

Evan gives an impromptu talk about Brazil in the (hypothetical) 2030's.
action: You examine the wrench
response: A large wrench, made of titanium. This was a beloved 16th birthday present from your parents.

Evan makes a few remarks about the possibility of steam saving the world.
action: You wait
response: Time passes...

You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for Parchesi.

Evan makes a few remarks about the possibility of steam saving the world.
action: Wait
response: Time passes...

From the direction of the living room, you hear Alice trying to sing "Send in the Clowns" along with the radio, and doing it badly.

Evan gives an impromptu talk about life.
action: Go north
response: and the bathroom. Your bedroom is to the south, behind an open door, while John's room is to the north, beyond an open door. The bathroom can be reached by going east through an open door.
You see two snack food bags here.

From the direction of the living room, you hear Alice trying to sing some pop song along with the radio, and doing it badly.

Evan follows you into the short hall.
action: You go to the west
response: This is the living room of your apartment. Well, at least half of
it *could* be called a living room, in the sense that a person could actually live in it. You and John have long since decided that you would split the room into two, and each be responsible for each one's designated half. Your half, which contains a tasteful paisley couch and mahogany table, looks bright and clean. John's half, on the other hand, has piles of newspaper and beer cans, a ratty sofa which bleeds foam, and a study desk and chair, neither of which have seen much action until the last three days. The center of the room contains items you have both consented to share, such as the TV set, which is currently off.
The kitchen is to the west, the bedrooms and bath to the east, and
the exit (through which you hope to see John go soon) to the north. You see a radio, three crumpled papers, a snack food bag, and a
piece of cellophane here.
John is here, sitting at his special studying desk, trying
desperately to read his psychology textbook.
Alice is here, looking a bit bored.
Carl is here, entertaining himself in his usual banal manner.

Distracted by all of the noise, John momentarily loses his concentration and starts muttering something about losing an electronic game on his desk.

Evan follows you into the living room.
action: You look at the game
response: Small, orange, and plastic, this electronic game was given to John for his birthday. John, having a limited attention span at best, quickly abandoned this gift before he could get through its alleged "20,000 Questions!" The case sports an LCD screen and a small speaker. There are also four buttons, colored red, yellow, green, and blue, lined up vertically to the left of the screen, next to where the possible answers to the game's questions will be displayed. The game is currently off.

John wails to you, "Could you help quiz me? Please?"

"So, John," says Alice, "how're you doing hitting those books? Real swell?" John mumbles something uncomfortably and tries to continue studying.

Evan wonders what the world would be like if it were love, not money, that made the world go round.
action: You put tape on the speaker
response: You place the duct tape on the speaker.

"Rationalization, sublimation, displacement, rationalization!" John recites desperately.

Carl takes out a candy bar, strips the cellophane off of it, crumples it into a neat, compact ball, and tosses it absent-mindedly in the direction of the kitchen. The cellophane bounces off the refrigerator, and skims the edge of the kitchen sink. Just as it looks as if it would go in, it falls to the floor.

Alice and Carl, needing to stretch their legs, get up and dance the minuet for a little while.

"I've always wondered what life would be like if it were exactly like a text adventure game," says Evan. "I'm not sure I'd like it. For example, everything you did would take exactly one minute to do no matter what it was."
action: You give the game to Evan
response: "Geez, about time you finished with that," says Evan irritably as he takes the game from you again.

John wails to you, "Could you help quiz me? Please?"
action: Quiz john
response: You ask John a question about repression. "Wait, I know that! I know that!" exclaims John. He grits his teeth and closes his eyes in concentration. "No, wait, I forgot! I forgot!"

John tries to write some notes on a piece of paper, messes up, and, in a fit of frustration, crumples up the paper and throws it to the floor.

Alice reminisces about a really good tuna fish sandwich she once had.
action: You go to the east
response: and the bathroom. Your bedroom is to the south, behind an open door, while John's room is to the north, beyond an open door. The bathroom can be reached by going east through an open door.
You see two snack food bags here.

You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for Monopoly.

Evan follows you into the short hall, still playing the game.
action: Go south
response: This is your bedroom, for which you can be proud. Mostly bare,
since many of your possessions are out for dry cleaning, the room looks neater than ever. Your bed, sitting in one corner, is immaculately made, and your desk, placed against the northern wall, has a clear surface which reveals its mirror-shine polish. A fine mahogany dresser sits against the south wall, and a mirror sits atop it. There is an open door to the north and a closed closet door to the east.

Evan follows you into your bedroom, still playing the game.
action: You examine the desk
response: This is your mahogany desk, a gift to you on your fifteenth birthday. You've spent many a long hour studying at this desk, and many more polishing it. Even now, as you look at it, you get the urge to wipe off a few molecules of dust from its surface with your sleeve, but you resist, as you would get your shirt dirty. There is a drawer on the front of the desk which is open.
action: You look in the drawer
response: The desk drawer is open. There's nothing in the desk drawer.

The sound of crumpling cellophane, grating your ears, comes in from the direction of the living room.
action: You examine the dresser
response: This is a dresser made of fine mahogany wood. The surface is dust-free and so shiny you could comb your hair by your reflection in the wood. The drawers are closed.
action: You open the dresser
response: Opened.

From the direction of the living room, you hear Alice trying to sing "Y.M.C.A." along with the radio, and doing it badly.
action: You look in it
response: There's nothing in the mahogany dresser.

You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for Monopoly.
action: You examine the mirror
response: You polish this mirror twice a day. If it doesn't look good, you don't look good.
action: You examine the bed
response: This is your bed, which you are very proud of. You spend at least half an hour every day making it, smoothing out the folds, ensuring that the sheets are perfectly balanced and symmetrical on both sides. On the bed you see nothing at all.

The sound of crumpling cellophane, grating your ears, comes in from the direction of the living room.
action: You look under the bed
response: There's nothing under your bed, not even those slavering, gnawing, hungry monsters you used to hear at night...You recoil from the bed, sweating profusely.
action: Go north
response: and the bathroom. Your bedroom is to the south, behind an open door, while John's room is to the north, beyond an open door. The bathroom can be reached by going east through an open door.
You see two snack food bags here.

The sound of crumpling cellophane, grating your ears, comes in from the direction of the living room.

Evan follows you into the short hall, still playing the game.
action: You look under the bed
response: You take a quick peek under John's bed. Other than dust and other assorted debris, you don't see anything, particularly anything he "borrowed" from you in recent months. Drat.
action: You look at the clothes
response: Various articles of clothing and underwear are scattered around the room. It's hard to move around without stepping on one.
action: You examine the desk
response: The decrepit state of John's desk bespeaks both a ripe old age as well as years of misuse; its surface bears many jagged scars and scorch marks. Otherwise, the desk looks surprising clean (for a possession of John's), mainly because most of the junk that normally occupies its surface has been swept onto the floor or into the closet. There is a single drawer on the desk, which is closed. On the desk you see some broken plastic models; besides that, you see nothing at all.

You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for Parchesi.
action: Search clothes
response: You find nothing of interest.

You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for go.
action: You open the drawer
response: Opening the desk drawer reveals a coupon book.

You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for poker.
action: You get the coupon
response: Which coupon do you mean, the Captain Barnacle's Seafood House coupon, the Nekohanten coupon, or the Chez Merde coupon?
action: Seafood
response: You've already got your hands full.
action: Drop box
response: Dropped.

The sound of crumpling cellophane, grating your ears, comes in from the direction of the living room.
action: You get the seafood
response: Taken.

The sound of crumpling cellophane, grating your ears, comes in from the direction of the living room.
action: You examine it
response: This coupon entitles the bearer to two All-You-Can-Eat Crustacean Platters for the price of one. The coupon enthusiastically describes this dish as "More Shrimp Than You DESERVE!"

The sound of crumpling cellophane, grating your ears, comes in from the direction of the living room.
action: You examine merde
response: By presenting this coupon to the matre'd at any Chez Merde, you can get two Super Escargot, Fantastic Frog Legs (with French fries, no less), or Spectacular Souffle plates for the price of one. (10% off more if you don't try to order using your high-school French.)
action: You examine the Nekohanten
response: This coupon, for the local Chinese restaurant Nekohanten, reduces the prices on any dish in the "B" category to 55 cents each. The coupon also promises "Half the MSG of our nearest competitor!"

You hear a loud and raucous argument in the living room about the rules for mah jongg.
action: You go to the south
response: and the bathroom. Your bedroom is to the south, behind an open door, while John's room is to the north, beyond an open door. The bathroom can be reached by going east through an open door.
You see two snack food bags here.

From the direction of the living room, you hear Alice trying to sing "American Pie" along with the radio, and doing it badly.

Evan follows you into the short hall, still playing the game.
action: You go to the west
response: This is the living room of your apartment. Well, at least half of
it *could* be called a living room, in the sense that a person could actually live in it. You and John have long since decided that you would split the room into two, and each be responsible for each one's designated half. Your half, which contains a tasteful paisley couch and mahogany table, looks bright and clean. John's half, on the other hand, has piles of newspaper and beer cans, a ratty sofa which bleeds foam, and a study desk and chair, neither of which have seen much action until the last three days. The center of the room contains items you have both consented to share, such as the TV set, which is currently off.
The kitchen is to the west, the bedrooms and bath to the east, and
the exit (through which you hope to see John go soon) to the north. You see a radio, four crumpled papers, a snack food bag, and a
piece of cellophane here.
John is here, sitting at his special studying desk, trying
desperately to read his psychology textbook.
Alice is here, looking a bit bored.
Carl is here, entertaining himself in his usual banal manner.

John hits his forehead with his hands, muttering, "Think! Think!" It doesn't seem to be working.

"C'mon, John," urges Alice, "take a break, have some fun with us! You can always take more tests next semester!"

Evan follows you into the living room, still playing the game.
action: You give the seafood to Alice
response: "Why thanks," says Alice, grinning. "I was just thinking of dinner at this place. Looks like I can afford it now." She gets up, and Carl follows suit. You heart leaps at the thought that she's going to be clearing out of here...

"Ah, but it's *so* cold outside tonight," says Alice, seating herself on the floor again. "Positively freezing. And look at how I'm dressed!" You don't have much of an opinion of Alice's tastes in clothes, but admittedly, she does look a bit chilly. "We can't well go out and get pneumonia, can we? You wouldn't want that on your conscience, would you...?"

Distracted by all of the noise, John momentarily loses his concentration and starts muttering something about losing an electronic game on his desk.

Alice takes out a bag of potato chips, empties the contents into her hands, and chucks the empty bag into the hallway.

Alice breaks out a pack of cards and plays a hand of blackjack with Carl.
action: You give the towel to Alice
response: "Very funny," smiles Alice as she takes the towel. "It *is* something warm for the night, though." She looks thoughtful, as if searching for one last excuse to keep herself in your apartment. "You *know*, we're all ready to leave, but we don't have any way of getting to dinner or the concert! Now if only you could find any way for us to depart this place..." She grins again.

John squirms in his seat, trying to concentrate.
action: You examine Alice
response: Alice, one of John's friends, is a relentless partygoer. She likes listening to loud, ear-splitting music, playing card and dice games, watching television shows based on video games, drinking stirred and not shaken martinis, and annoying people like you. You know all this because of the many times she's visited your apartment along with twenty or thirty of her "friends." Luckily for you her entourage seems a bit thin tonight.

"Reaction formation, projection, rationalization, sublimation!" John recites desperately.

Alice looks despondent. "I really appreciate the coupon and the towel, but it looks like we're just going to be stuck here all night, since we don't have any way of getting to the Polonium. I guess we're going to be your guests all night, eh?" She smiles wickedly.
action: You give the skateboard to Alice
response: Alice starts laughing as she takes the skateboard from your hands. "Got me again, huh? I guess this technically *is* transportation." She gathers up her more valuable possessions, including Carl, and theatrically wraps the pink towel around herself. "Carl!" she says, presenting the skateboard to him. "You know how to ride one of these?" Carl looks quizzically at the board, then puts it down and mounts it. He then lifts Alice onto his back (not without considerable effort). You open the door for the two as they glide out of the apartment.

"Be seeing ya," says Alice as they depart.

"Don't count on it," you say, closing the door.

"Projection, repression, rationalization, sublimation!" John recites desperately.

In the near silence, you hear a soft but obnoxious dripping noise coming from the direction of the kitchen.
action: You go to the west
response: When you moved into this apartment, the kitchen was a horrendous
mess. Because you've agreed to let John maintain the kitchen while you maintain the bathroom, it still is; the stove is encrusted with the pathetic results of previous meals, the refrigerator is in sore need of a wipedown, and the kitchen sink as usual is filled with mostly useless items. A kitchen table sits in the center of the room. The living room is to the east.
You see three piece of cellophanes and a remote control here.

Evan follows you into the kitchen, still playing the game.

Somewhere below you, you hear a dripping sound.
action: You examine the sink
response: This, as you probably surmised, is the kitchen sink. At the moment it is fairly filthy, thanks to John's recent diligent efforts at *not* scrubbing it. Under the sink is a cabinet in which the kitchen plumbing can be accessed. In the kitchen sink there are broken dishes; other than that, you see nothing at all.

Somewhere below you, you hear a dripping sound.
action: You look under the sink
response: Under the sink you see a cabinet.

Somewhere below you, you hear a dripping sound.
action: You open the cabinet
response: Opening the cabinet reveals the pipes which comprise the kitchen plumbing. Besides that, you see nothing at all in it.

Somewhere below you, you hear a dripping sound.
action: You look at the plumbing
response: This is a series of curved piping which connects the apartment to the local sewage system. The pipes look like they're leaking.

Somewhere below you, you hear a dripping sound.
action: You fix the pipes
response: (with the wrench)
You tighten the pipes with your wrench, stopping the leak. However, as the last echoes of the dripping water fade in the kitchen, you hear the sound of dropping water in the bathroom...

In the near silence, you hear a soft but obnoxious dripping noise coming from the direction of the bathroom.
action: Go east
response: This is the living room of your apartment. Well, at least half of
it *could* be called a living room, in the sense that a person could actually live in it. You and John have long since decided that you would split the room into two, and each be responsible for each one's designated half. Your half, which contains a tasteful paisley couch and mahogany table, looks bright and clean. John's half, on the other hand, has piles of newspaper and beer cans, a ratty sofa which bleeds foam, and a study desk and chair, neither of which have seen much action until the last three days. The center of the room contains items you have both consented to share, such as the TV set, which is currently off.
The kitchen is to the west, the bedrooms and bath to the east, and
the exit (through which you hope to see John go soon) to the north. You see four crumpled papers, a snack food bag, and a piece of cellophane here.
John is here, sitting at his special studying desk, trying
desperately to read his psychology textbook.

John grits his teeth and grinds a pencil down to a stub.

In the near silence, you hear a soft but obnoxious dripping noise coming from the direction of the bathroom.

Evan follows you into the living room, still playing the game.
action: Go east
response: and the bathroom. Your bedroom is to the south, behind an open door, while John's room is to the north, beyond an open door. The bathroom can be reached by going east through an open door.
You see three snack food bags here.

In the near silence, you hear a soft but obnoxious dripping noise coming from the direction of the bathroom.

Evan follows you into the short hall, still playing the game.
action: You go east
response: The bathroom, fortunately, is one of the rooms you've agreed to maintain, and as a result it isn't too filthy. Against the north wall is a gleaming sink and a mirror mounted above it; next to the mirror is a medicine cabinet. On the south wall is a towel rack. A toilet and shower, both scrubbed to exquisite perfection with lye-based cleansers, complete this traditional bathroom. The only exit to this bathroom is through a door to the west, which is open.

Somewhere below you, you hear a dripping sound.

Evan follows you into the bathroom, still playing the game.
action: You open the cabinet
response: Which cabinet do you mean, the bathroom sink cabinet, or the medicine cabinet?
action: Sink
response: The bathroom sink cabinet is already open!

Somewhere below you, you hear a dripping sound.
action: You look at the pipes
response: Which pipes do you mean, the ceiling pipes, or the bathroom sink pipes?
action: Sink
response: This is a series of curved piping which connects the apartment to the local sanitation system. The pipes look like they're leaking.

Somewhere below you, you hear a dripping sound.
action: You fix the sink pipes
response: (with the wrench)
You tighten the pipes with your wrench, stopping the leak. You stop the dripping water in the pipes under the sink. Breathing a sigh of relief, you wipe sweat off your forehead... Wait a minute. That wasn't too taxing. Why are you sweating? Looking overhead, you notice a new leak has sprung up in the overhead pipes.

Somewhere above you, you hear a dripping sound.
action: You fix the ceiling pipes
response: (with the wrench)
They're well out of your reach.

Somewhere above you, you hear a dripping sound.
action: You stand on the sink
response: Climbing onto the sink is impractical as well as unsanitary in general.

Somewhere above you, you hear a dripping sound.
action: You stand on the toilet
response: Your attempt to gain ground using the toilet proves futile, as the toilet, lacking a seat, provides no secure footholds upon which you can stand. The fact that you have polished the toilet to mirror-shine perfection, making what little surface there is very slippery, doesn't help. Nor does your desire not to dirty the toilet with your feet.

Somewhere above you, you hear a dripping sound.
action: Go west
response: and the bathroom. Your bedroom is to the south, behind an open door, while John's room is to the north, beyond an open door. The bathroom can be reached by going east through an open door.
You see three snack food bags here.

In the near silence, you hear a soft but obnoxious dripping noise coming from the direction of the bathroom.

Evan follows you into the short hall, still playing the game.
action: You go south
response: This is your bedroom, for which you can be proud. Mostly bare,
since many of your possessions are out for dry cleaning, the room looks neater than ever. Your bed, sitting in one corner, is immaculately made, and your desk, placed against the northern wall, has a clear surface which reveals its mirror-shine polish. A fine mahogany dresser sits against the south wall, and a mirror sits atop it. There is an open door to the north and a closed closet door to the east.

In the near silence, you hear a soft but obnoxious dripping noise coming from the direction of the bathroom.

Evan follows you into your bedroom, still playing the game.
action: You open the closet
response: Opened.

From elsewhere in the apartment, you hear Bob's snores shaking the foundations of the earth.
action: You look in the closet
response: You see the interior of the closet through the open door, but you'll have to go inside to get a better look at what's there.

From elsewhere in the apartment, you hear Bob's snores shaking the foundations of the earth.
action: You go to the east
response: Dimly illuminated, this closet provides you with an impenetrable defense against outside noise. The door, which is to the west and open, is steel-reinforced and soundproof, preventing even the loudest party sounds from getting through. Though the closet is small, it is roomy enough for you and several of your favorite textbooks, and you've studied for many an exam here.
You see a toolbox and a swivel chair here.

Evan follows you into your closet, still playing the game.

Bob lets out a loud snore which sounds truly hideous.
action: Close closet
response: Closed.
action: You look at Bob
response: Bob, alleged star athlete on the school's basket weaving team (Australian rules), is rather crude, rude, perpetually inebriated, and more than a bit ditzy. Unfortunately, that's his good side. He's looking a little better than usual today, though, having recently pulled through a savage bout with scurvy, but fortunately (from Bob's point of view), you don't need teeth to drink beer. At the moment he's thoroughly passed out.
action: You open the closet
response: Opened.

Bob lets out a loud snore which sounds truly hideous.
action: You take Bob
response: He's pretty heavy, but carryable. You sling him over your shoulder.

Bob, squirming on your shoulder, tugs at your shirt and mumbles something about "stoopid umpirezz."
action: You drop Bob
response: Dropped.
action: Close closet
response: Closed.

In the near silence, you hear a soft but obnoxious dripping noise coming from the direction of the bathroom.
action: You stand on the chair
response: You stand on the chair. A bit precarious, but you maintain your balance.

In the near silence, you hear a soft but obnoxious dripping noise coming from the direction of the bathroom.
action: You fix the ceiling pipes
response: (with the wrench)
With all the balance you can muster, you tighten the pipe and stop the leak.

preventing John from studying. With not much time to spare, he crams in as much Psychology knowledge into his brain as possible, and, come eight o'clock, goes nervously to his exam.

[Press any key to continue]
action: XYZZY
response: You speak the ancient word of power. Then you realize you look absolutely silly doing so.

In the near silence, you hear a soft but obnoxious dripping noise coming from the direction of the bathroom.
action: Fuck
response: Real adventurers don't use that sort of language...But frustrated college students with irritating roommates do, so you let out a good expletive.

In the near silence, you hear a soft but obnoxious dripping noise coming from the direction of the bathroom.
action: Plugh
response: Your mother always told you that pointless jumping around was a sign of impending mental collapse.

In the near silence, you hear a soft but obnoxious dripping noise coming from the direction of the bathroom.

You speak the ancient word of power. Then you realize you look absolutely silly doing so.

In the near silence, you hear a soft but obnoxious dripping noise coming from the direction of the bathroom.
action: Yell
response: This is hardly the time or place to lose your composure.

In the near silence, you hear a soft but obnoxious dripping noise coming from the direction of the bathroom.
action: Down
response: You're not going anywhere until you get off of the swivel chair.

In the near silence, you hear a soft but obnoxious dripping noise coming from the direction of the bathroom.
action: You stand
response: Okay, you're no longer on the swivel chair.

Somewhere above you, you hear a dripping sound.
action: You take the shower
response: Really, now...even your mother would agree that *four* showers in one day is starting to push it.

Somewhere above you, you hear a dripping sound.
action: You smell yourself
response: You smell like a pleasant combination of lemon, ammonia, and bleach.

Somewhere above you, you hear a dripping sound.
action: Smell shower
response: It smells just like you expect a shower to smell.

Somewhere above you, you hear a dripping sound.
action: Smell sink
response: The sink has the appealing odor of lemon and disinfectant.

Somewhere above you, you hear a dripping sound.
action: Smell evan
response: Evan has the musty scent of old Trivial Pursuit cards on him.

In the near silence, you hear a soft but obnoxious dripping noise coming from the direction of the bathroom.
action: You go to the east
response: The bathroom, fortunately, is one of the rooms you've agreed to maintain, and as a result it isn't too filthy. Against the north wall is a gleaming sink and a mirror mounted above it; next to the mirror is a medicine cabinet. On the south wall is a towel rack. A toilet and shower, both scrubbed to exquisite perfection with lye-based cleansers, complete this traditional bathroom. The only exit to this bathroom is through a door to the west, which is open.
You see a swivel chair here.

Somewhere above you, you hear a dripping sound.

Evan follows you into the bathroom, still playing the game.
action: Flush toilet
response: The toilet makes a satisfying flushing sound.

Somewhere above you, you hear a dripping sound.
action: You get the game
response: You yank the game out of Evan's hands. In the process Evan's fingers brush against the game's on/off switch, turning the game off. Evan looks extremely surprised and perturbed.

Evan gives a short speech about what's wrong with a recent popular movie and how he would change things.
action: You play it
response: "Ah, 'play', now that's an interesting word," says Evan. "Let me tell you about its etymology..."
action: You turn game on
response: You switch the trivia game on. A question appears on the screen:

"Question # 1

The category is Riddles of the Ancients.

What is the windspeed of an unladen swallow?

Red    -> 10 km/hr
Yellow -> 30 km/hr
Green  -> 50 km/hr
Blue   -> African or European?

This question is worth 200 points.
Your current score is 0 and you have answered 0 questions out of 0."

Evan gives a short speech about what's wrong with the weather and how he would change things.
action: You ask Evan about dungeon
response: "Ah, 'dungeon', now that's an interesting word," says Evan. "Let me tell you about its etymology..."
action: You ask Evan about the zorkmids
response: "Ah, 'zorkmids', now that's an interesting word," says Evan. "Let me tell you about its etymology..."
action: You ask Evan about the trivia
response: "A fourth edition '20,000 Questions' LCD game!" exclaims Evan. "I've beaten the first, second, and third editions already! Let me play!" You struggle to keep Evan's hands off you as he claws desperately for the game.

Evan speculates about the recipe for Coca-Cola.