Genre: Opinion/Argumentation

A month ago my friend told me she slit her wrists . I thought of how disgusting it was , and how I could n't believe anyone would actually cut their own wrists ! She told me it helped get rid of everything bad that happened . I thought to myself " If that is true ... can I cut ? " . She told me never to do it to myself , because I do n't deserve pain . But did she ? I was so confused . A few days later a perfect opportunity came . I was at the computer talking to her , when an empty glass fell off the computer and broke . I looked at all of the glass shards in the carpet and all over and told her it was broken . She told me to be careful picking it up . And I thought about it , and absent mindedly began picking up the pieces and throwing them away ... but then I thought about it . I put it against my skin and dragged . It was rough , and it hurt . It made a tiny line that did n't bleed . I kept doing it but then I did it again . I did it harder . Not hard enough to make a big slash ... but it was about 1 / 2 an inch , and it bled a tiny bit . Fast forward a few days later , and about 15 small cuts on my hand and arm . They got worse by the day . It looked really disgusting , but since I am BASICALLY homeschooled , I figured , so what ? My dad did n't notice , and it 's not like he would care . Then after a few days they started healing and I went back to my old school to show my friends who were " worried " . They did n't look bad by then , and soon they were all accusing me of trying to get attention . I read in a girl's journal how she cut her legs , and I remembered when I saw a girl I knew in P.E. ' s scars on her leg . I tried it . And these cut deeper . They did n't bleed much . Then a few days later my brother was giving me more reasons to be angry . My family life is n't what you call perfect . In fact , my mom is in jail right now . My parents got a divorce , and since then I 've tried suicide once . Did n't work . And my dad did n't care . Nobody else knew . Anyway , back to where I was . My brother threw a text book at me , and it hit my arm really hard . I was just so angry . I could n't think of anything to do . I was so angry . I wanted to hurt him . But then I thought about it , and I ran to my room , slammed the door , locked it , and cut my arm . One deep slash . And instead of thinking about my brother , I was now trying to stop the bleeding . It took away all of the anger . It just made me try to find ways to stop bleeding . It 's been a week since I last cut , and since my grandparents are coming to stay in 3 days , I 've decided not to cut . In 8 days I leave on vacation by myself .. and I 'm relieved . I wo n't be able to cut for a month , and then after that I 'm going on another trip . This may sound like cutting is good . But it 's not . I think about what I 've done and I feel genuinely sick . It 's not right in ANY way . I thought it would solve my problems but now I have more . Now my friends think I do it for attention , now my skin is disgusting and mutilated . Now I get anonymous emails telling me how stupid I am being . Now I 'm afraid of one day when I might cut too hard , or too much . I 'm afraid of going out of the house without a longsleeved shirt on . I 'm afraid of telling anyone why . This is my experience .