Genre: Forum

Just want to share a part of my story. Hopefully some people will benefit from this information. At the age of 16 I got involved with a tricky set of habits. Firstly it was to try and act tough (peer pressure is such a silly but powerful thing.) Drugs became my jack of trades. Every weekend was a cocktail of XTC, Alcohol and Speed. All fun and so the habit formed. It eventually leaned to doing XTC on almost every weekend in varying amounts. Keeping this up untill around 18 I really was lost in a sense. Eventually the depression and panic attacks kept getting worse and worse leaving me with a very meager sense of selfworth and boundries. You could say I am a pretty ugly duckling, haven't met anyone yet with a larger head than mine. This really preyed on my self esteem and all those drugs were a way to escape my denial of who I really was. From there on things just got worse and worse untill the point I decided parties were kinda done for me. Got into weed heavily from there. Living in Holland and being able to get it easily really was a way for me to espace from myself once again. And sure, the dis ease was hidden again and came creeping up more and more with the years. Being always open for new things I luckily stumbled upon the self help community and started digesting material on a weekly basis. Firstly it were audiobooks and an occasional book here and there. These things seemed to make so much sense and yet I was just at the beginning. Discovering meditation and hypnosis gave a lot of ease eventually. Throughout the years I kept doing this to keep my comfort level up. The big mistake might have been I didnt dedicate myself enough with this yet, it could have shaved years off from my development, who knows... The point I want to make is. The amount of drugs I have done and the damage it may have caused. Sure thing, I perhaps could have been so much more. Everything happens for a reason. The mistakes I have learned from and am thriving to improve now daily and my self worth is something that I choose for by my own values, preferences, desires and the willingness to change. I can sit and whine, play the victim and wallow in the past. The sad and actually liberating truth is that it wouldnt change a damn thing. Quit weed 3 weeks ago and feeling better day by day, loving myself more and becoming bewildered at the things life throws at me, good and bad. At this moment I am 25 and am still working on being the best that I can be. Some people dismiss me at the first glance, but there are a lot of people I have come to cherish and connect with. Most people know me as a very positive and constructive person and respect me for the different view I have come to cultivate. Nothing ever has been given to me that easily and I have come to appriciate this as a gift rather than a burden. I know where im coming from, but it is more important for me to keep looking at where I am going. Have achieved respectable success in the music industry as DJ, promoter and blogger, but my vision and passion keeps developing in new directions and I am getting more eager to really contribute in this world. If you have been diagnosed by some doctor and think that his opinion is so important. I dare you to prove him wrong and be the best you can be and work at it. If your serotonine system has not been as damaged as mine by excessive chemicals, well then... You might just do a lot better than me if still have some guts in you I dare you to try. Thanks for sharing your story. I hope it encourages those who are struggling in similar ways as you have. I especially liked what you mentioned about being proactive instead of playing victim. I've noticed when I begin to feel sorry for myself, others seem to sense it & sometimes believe what I convey in my expressions of low self esteem. Yet, when I am feeling better about myself, more optimistic about the future & appreciative about what's made me me, others seem to respect that more too. Thank you for your reply. Happy to see that there's something positive and truthful you can relate to. People indeed sense someone having a victim identity. The mutual story often is one of mutual understanding in being the victim. Alltho this gives some relief to people by relating and the need for understanding, fundamentally it is not the right way. I have come to believe more often that telling the story of how it should be is by far more productive. If you care to share where you are coming from, that is fine by all means. Knowing the past is fundamental for self reflection. Yet as time passes I have come to catch myself more often in the process. While doing this I focus on a productive conclusion in what I am telling. One that revolves around my own initiative and personal power by being response-able. That what seperates us from the less intelligent forms of life really is our power to decide. Between the stimuli and response we have imagination, consciousness and reason. By taking the bull by the horns if you will, we truly are responsable for our own situation. And yes. Respect starts with self. Many ways of development are an inside out approach. The fruits of labor need to be cultivated below the ground (inside) before they are visible. Would really advice you to take a look at Stephan Covey's book: The 7 habits of highly effective people. It is very principle based and covers some points I have intergrated in this story. A must read for people interested in character development and personal growth in my opinion. Yeah, I've learned that playing victim isn't good for anyone. There may be some who seek to understand & even help. There are some who will feel sorry & want - even need - to help & if one isn't open enough to be helped, will move on to someone who is. Then there are others who seem to enjoy watching or helping others feel miserable - like a pack of wolves seeing prey. Either way, when someone labels themselves as victim (instead of survivor etc.)... they give away their response-ability & power. As you mentioned, we have the power to choose. I also agree that it's an inside-out process of feeling empowered & progressing. I have that book by Covey - it's a good one, as is the basic idea in The Divine Center . What I like is his ideal of interdependence... not being too dependent, nor being too independent, but being able to bring something to the table that is uniquely yours to exchange & work with others well. The Divine Center... Perhaps I should look that one up. Brian Tracy you probably also heard of. His science of achievement series is very worthwhile. As he states it's that the only constant is change. Most people dread this a lot on a subconscious and social level. By working towards goals we can actually adjust in a way that makes the change work for us. Agree on the principle of interdependence. The steps involved like not being able to go from dependence to interdependence has been a clear and valuable lesson. Think win/win is all about having a healthy boundry. All communication is a form of exchange. By having preferences and intergrity stress just bounces off and the exchanges are on an equal note or better still synergise. Always have respect for those bringing more to an interaction than is expected and doing it truthfully. Some people just seem to be on that energy and consciousness level that provides constant flow. Yet they at some point indeed had to choose for themselves in the first place RIP Stephen Covey. What he brought to this world will be remembered and has layed the foundation for future generations. quote: Originally posted by Futurepresent Always have respect for those bringing more to an interaction than is expected and doing it truthfully. Some people just seem to be on that energy and consciousness level that provides constant flow. Yet they at some point indeed had to choose for themselves in the first place This ^ that you wrote really struck me, as if you were diving into my soul & telling me exactly what I needed to hear. How did you do that? Anyway... thank you! I think expectations are the main hang-up in relationships and interactions. Sometimes, they are based on assumptions that are not completely truthful. I imagine each person has a lot to offer, but may not always offer it. As for relationships what I have come to understand is that for someone to fully be able to commit that person needs to be independent in the first place. When people become dependant in a relationship they do merge their resources like emotional energy, descision making and other things. Yet the problem is that with no healthy boundries this often results in a false sense of personal growth. The story often goes 1 of the 2 starts to hoard all the resources, simply because they are there for the taking. You can probably imagine where that eventually will lead to... As for commitment to really function it is a matter of being able to switch between independence and interdependence. This way both can keep growing and maintaining a healthy intimate balance. Thing also is that many people are kind of used to taking instead of giving and are looking for what they can get out of the interaction. In a sense it's form of emotional poverty I could almost call it. Pretty funny to say this in times when the mordern world almost has more than it could wish for. Yet there is this law that when someone gives something most people feel obligated to give something back. Expecting it is a whole different thing but all relations are exchanges. Really a matter of finding the most fair deals regarding to all parties involved as in win/win. True that most tend to give to get. I think the exception is when the giving itself is a joy, a reward. When I'm in a good mood - it feels natural to be kind & loving and generous. Yet, my reality, as a wife & mother is that I need to give even when I'm not in the best mood to give. Sometimes, when I do that... I push myself to give even when it's not natural, my son will come up & hug me out of the blue. It's almost like he senses that I was sacrificing for him or others. But there's a balance, as we've been discussing. If you give & give & give... even way past when it hurts, then it's like emotional debt, which will have to be paid eventually. I love the idea of loving others as ourselves... in harmony & balance. It is ironic with such materialistic affluence that so many are obviously emotionally bankrupt, lookin' desperately for love in all the wrong places. Been there, done that, & still do sometimes. Feeling that love & sense of fulfillment so craved, can be as simple as closing your eyes, imagining something inspiring & taking a deep breath & appreciating all that is. Hey there Motivated. Your words distilled the subject very clearly. Appriciate the power of having clear thoughts and reasons for doing the right things. It really gives a sort of confidence and conviction to carry on. The nurtering role is a challenge indeed. Can imagine that in current times women are greatly challenged by the pace of lifestyle and different needs that have to be fulfilled. The love a mother feels for her children is something quite special and can move mountains if necessery. Yet in order to give I do believe people have to be open to receive from others and also fill themselves up. What struck my some days ago and I might be totally the opposite with this... When sh** hits the fan in a sense and it all boils down I rather be a healthy egoist than a broke filantrope. It truly is a matter of having something to give in the end. But that also is a mindset. Some people can get a lot from giving itself, Yet nurturing own resources before being able to share asks for a healthy dose of choosing the self first. This is refreshing. It's good to read positive stories. Thanks for sharing. If it is not too much, but may I suggest that you share your experience with those other forum friends that are going through a difficult spot. I'm sure they could do with some inspiration and hope quote: Originally posted by Futurepresent Hey there Motivated. Your words distilled the subject very clearly. Appriciate the power of having clear thoughts and reasons for doing the right things. It really gives a sort of confidence and conviction to carry on. The nurtering role is a challenge indeed. Can imagine that in current times women are greatly challenged by the pace of lifestyle and different needs that have to be fulfilled. The love a mother feels for her children is something quite special and can move mountains if necessery. Yet in order to give I do believe people have to be open to receive from others and also fill themselves up. What struck my some days ago and I might be totally the opposite with this... When sh** hits the fan in a sense and it all boils down I rather be a healthy egoist than a broke filantrope. It truly is a matter of having something to give in the end. But that also is a mindset. Some people can get a lot from giving itself, Yet nurturing own resources before being able to share asks for a healthy dose of choosing the self first. I appreciate your understanding & positivity. You've also highlighted some concepts I need to consider more. Thanks for a good reminder to make sure the "love bank" is full before spending (so to speak). You seem like a good person - & realistic too, which is also good. Sometimes I wonder how us random strangers communicating online would get along in real life. Who knows? Still, I think there's something kindof pure about writing - yeah, you miss nonverbal communication (facial expression, voice tone etc.), but in a way writing is soul to soul - no appearances to distract.