Genre: Information/Explanation

Alright . I 'm going to show you a couple of images from a very diverting paper in The Journal of Ultrasound in Medicine . I 'm going to go way out on a limb and say that it is the most diverting paper ever published in The Journal of Ultrasound in Medicine . The title is " Observations of In-Utero Masturbation . " ( Laughter ) Okay . Now on the left you can see the hand . That 's the big arrow . And the penis on the right . The hand hovering . And over here we have , in the words of radiologist Israel Meisner , " The hand grasping the penis in a fashion resembling masturbation movements . " Bear in mind this was an ultrasound . So it would have been moving images . Orgasm is a reflex of the autonomic nervous system . Now this is the part of the nervous system that deals with the things that we do n't consciously control . Like digestion , heart rate , sexual arousal . And the orgasm reflex can be triggered by a surprisingly broad range of input . Genital stimulation . Duh . But also Kinsey interviewed a woman who could be brought to orgasm by having someone stroke her eyebrow . People with spinal cord injuries , like parapligias , quadriplegias , will often develop a very very sensitive area right above the level of their injury . Wherever that is . There is such a thing as a knee orgasm , in the literature . I think the most curious one that I came across was a case report of a woman who had an orgasm every time she brushed her teeth . ( Laughter ) This was something in the complex sensory-motor action of brushing her teeth was triggering orgasm . And she went to a neurologist who was fascinated . He checked to see if it was something in the toothpaste . But no , it happened with any brand . They stimulated her gums with a toothpick , to see if that was doing it . No. It was the whole , you know , motion . And the amazing thing to me is that now you would think this woman would like have excellent oral hygiene . ( Laughter ) Sadly she -- this is what it said in the journal paper -- " She believed that she was possessed by demons and switched to mouthwash for her oral care . " It 's so sad . ( Laughter ) I interviewed , when I was working on the book , I interviewed a woman who can think herself to orgasm . She was part of a study at Rutgers University . You gotta love that . Rutgers . So I interviewed her in Oakland , in a sushi restaurant . And I said , " So , could you do it right here ? " And she said , " Yeah , but I 'd rather finish my meal if you do n't mind . " ( Laughter ) But afterwards she was kind enough to demonstrate on a bench outside . It was remarkable . It took about one minute . And I said to her , " Are you just doing this all the time ? " ( Laughter ) She said , " No. Honestly when I get home I 'm usually too tired . " ( Laughter ) She said that the last time she had done it was on the Disneyland tram . ( Laughter ) The headquarters for orgasm , along the spinal nerve , is something called the sacral nerve root . Which is back here . And if you trigger , if you stimulate with an electrode , the precise spot , you will trigger an orgasm . And it is a fact that you can trigger spinal reflexes in dead people . A certain kind of dead person , a beating-heart cadaver . Now this is somebody who is braindead , legally dead , definitely checked out , but is being kept alive on a respirator , so that their organs will be oxygenated for transplantation . Now in one of these braindead people , if you trigger the right spot you will see something every now and then . There is a reflex called the Lazarus reflex . And this is -- I 'll demonstrate as best I can , not being dead . It 's like this . You trigger the spot . The dead guy , or gal , goes ... like that . Very unsettling for people working in pathology labs . ( Laughter ) Now if you can trigger the Lazarus reflex in a dead person , why not the orgasm reflex ? I asked this question to a brain death expert , Stephanie Mann , who was foolish enough to return my emails . ( Laughter ) I said , " So , could you concievably trigger an orgasm in a dead person ? " She said , " Yes , if the sacral nerve is being oxygenated . You conceivably could . " Obviously it would n ' t be as much fun for the person . But it would be an orgasm -- ( Laughter ) nonetheless . I actually suggested to -- there is a researcher at the University of Alabama who does orgasm research . I said to her , " You should do an experiment . You know ? You can get cadavers if you work at a university . " I said , " You should actually do this . " She said , " You get the human subjects review board approval for this one . " ( Laughter ) According to 1930s marriage manual author , Theodoor Van de Velde , a slight seminal odor can be detected on the breath of a woman within about an hour after sexual intercourse . Theodore Van de Velde was something of a semen connoisseur . ( Laughter ) This is a guy writing a book , " Ideal Marriage , " you know . Very heavy hetero guy . But he wrote in this book , " Ideal Marriage , " he said that he could differentiate between the semen of a young man , which he said had a fresh , exhilarating smell , and the semen of mature men , whose semen smelled quote , " Remarkably like that of the flowers of the Spanish chestnut . Sometimes quite freshly floral , and then again sometimes extremely pungent . " ( Laughter ) Okay . 1999 , in the state of Israel , a man began hiccuping . And this was one of those cases that went on and on . He tried everything his friends suggested . Nothing seemed to help . Days went by . At a certain point , the man , still hiccuping , had sex with his wife . And lo and behold , the hiccups went away . He told his doctor , who published a case report in a Canadian medical journal under the title , " Sexual Intercourse as a Potential Treatment for Intractable Hiccups . " I love this article because at a certain point they suggested that unattached hiccupers could try masturbation . ( Laughter ) I love that because there is like a whole demographic . Unattached hiccupers . ( Laughter ) Married . Single . Unattached hiccuper . In the 1900s , early 1900s gynecologists , a lot of gynecologists believed that when a woman has an orgasm the contractions serve to suck the semen up through the cervix and sort of deliver it really quickly to the egg . Thereby upping the odds of conception . It was called the " upsuck " theory . ( Laughter ) If you go all the way back to Hippocrates , physicians believed that orgasm in women was not just helpful for conception , but necessary . Doctors back then were routinely telling men the importance of pleasuring their wives . Marriage manual author and semen sniffer Theodore Van de Velde -- ( Laughter ) has a line in his book . I loved this guy . I got a lot of mileage out of Theodore Van de Velde . He had this line in his book , that supposedly comes from the Habsburg Monarchy . Where there was an empress Maria Theresa , who was having trouble conceiving . And apparently the royal court physician said to her , " I am of the opinion that the vulva of your most sacred majesty be titillated for some time prior to intercourse . " ( Laughter ) It 's apparently , I do n't know , on the record somewhere . Masters and Johnson : now we 're moving forward to the 1950s . Masters and Johnson were upsuck skeptics . Which is also really fun to say . They did n't buy it . And they decided , being Masters and Johnson , that they would get to the bottom of it . They brought women into the lab . I think it was five women . And outfitted them with cervical caps containing artificial semen . And in the artificial semen was a radio-opaque substance , such that it would show up on an X-ray . This is the 1950s . Anyway these women sat in front of an X-ray device . And they masturbated . And Masters and Johnson looked to see if the semen was being sucked up . Did not find any evidence of upsuck . You may be wondering , " How do you make artificial semen ? " ( Laughter ) I have an answer for you . I have two answers . You can use flour and water , or cornstarch and water . I actually found three separate recipes in the literature . ( Laughter ) My favorite being the one that says -- you know , they have the ingredients listed , and then in a recipe it will say , for example , " Yield : two dozen cupcakes . " This one said , " Yield : one ejaculate . " ( Laughter ) There 's another way that orgasm might boost fertility . This one involves men . Sperm that sit around in the body for a week or more start to develop abnormalities that make them less effective at head banging their way into the egg . British sexologist Roy Levin has speculated that this is perhaps why men evolved to be such enthusiastic and frequent masturbators . He said , " If I keep tossing myself off I get fresh sperm being made . " Which I thought was an interesting idea , theory . So now you have an evolutionary excuse . ( Laughter ) Okay . ( Laughter ) Alrighty . There is considerable evidence for upsuck in the animal kingdom . Pigs , for instance . In Denmark , the Danish National Committee for Pig Production found out that if you sexually stimulate a sow while you artificially inseminate her , you will see a six-percent increase in the farrowing rate , which is the number of piglets produced . So they came up with this plan . This five-point stimulation plan for the sows . And they had the farmers -- there is posters they put in the barn , and they have a DVD . And I got a copy of this DVD . ( Laughter ) This is my unveiling . Because I am going to show you a clip . ( Laughter ) So uh , okay . Now here we go in to the -- la la la , off to work . It all looks very innocent . He 's going to be doing things with his hands that the boar would use his snout , lacking hands . Okay . ( Laughter ) This is it . The boar has a very odd courtship repertoire . ( Laughter ) This is to mimic the weight of the boar . ( Laughter ) You should know , the clitoris of the pig , inside the vagina . So this may be sort of titillating for her . Here we go . ( Laughter ) And the happy result . ( Applause ) I love this video . There is a point in this video , towards the beginning where they zoom in for a close up of his hand with his wedding ring , as if to say , " It 's okay , it 's just his job . He really does like women . " ( Laughter ) Okay . Now I said -- when I was in Denmark , my host was named Anne Marie . And I said , " So why do n't you just stimulate the clitoris of the pig ? Why do n't you have the farmers do that ? That 's not one of your five steps . " She said -- I have to read you what she said , because I love it . She said , " It was a big hurdle just to get farmers to touch underneath the vulva . So we thought let's not mention the clitoris right now . " ( Laughter ) Shy but ambitious pig farmers , however , can purchase a -- this is true -- a sow vibrator , that hangs on the sperm feeder tube to vibrate . Because , as I mentioned , the clitoris is inside the vagina . So possibly , you know , a little more arousing than it looks . And I also said to her , " Now these sows . I mean , you may have noticed there , The sow does n ' t look to be in the throes of ecstasy . " And she said , " You ca n ' t make that conclusion . " Because animals do n't register pain or pleasure on their faces , in the same way that we do . They tend to -- pigs , for example , are more like dogs . They use the upper half of the face . The ears are very expressive . So you 're not really sure what 's going on with the pig . Primates , on the other hand , we use our mouths more . This is the ejaculation face of the stump-tailed macaque . ( Laughter ) And , interestingly , this has been observed in female macaques . But only when mounting another female . ( Laughter ) Masters and Johnson , in the 1950s , they decided , okay , we 're going to figure out the entire human sexual response cycle . From arousal , all the way through orgasm , in men and women . Everything that happens in the human body . Okay , with women , a lot of this is happening inside . This did not stop Masters and Johnson . They developed an artificial coition machine . This is basically a penis camera on a motor . There is a phallus , clear acrylic phallus , with a camera and a light source , attached to a motor that is kind of going like this . And the woman would have sex with it . That is what they would do . Pretty amazing . Sadly , this device has been dismantled . This just kills me . Not because I wanted to use it . I wanted to see it . ( Laughter ) One fine day Alfred Kinsey decided to calculate the average distance traveled by ejaculated semen . This was not idle curiosity . Doctor Kinsey had heard -- and there was a theory kind of going around at the time , this being the 1940s , that the force with which semen is thrown against the cervix was a factor in fertility . Kinsey thought it was bunk . So he got to work . He got together in his lab 300 men , a measuring tape , and a movie camera . ( Laughter ) And in fact he found that in three quarters of the men the stuff just kind of slopped out . It was n ' t spurted or thrown or ejected under great force . However , the record holder landed just shy of the eight foot mark . Which is impressive . ( Laughter ) ( Applause ) Yes . Exactly . ( Laughter ) Sadly , he 's anonymous . His name is not mentioned . In his write up , in his write up of this experiment in his book , Kinsey wrote , " Two sheets were laid down to protect the oriental carpets . " ( Laughter ) Which is my second favorite line in the entire ouevre of Alfred Kinsey . My favorite being , " Cheese crumbs spread before a pair of copulating rats will distract the female , but not the male . " ( Laughter ) Thank you very much . ( Applause ) Thanks ! </content