Genre: Opinion/Argumentation

As far as I'm concerned Robin Hood is a legend. St George is a legend. Your mate Dave is a twat. 1. Note to self -- using this does not make you appear lovably quirky. It makes you sound like a moron incapable of originality. 2. 'Me' Time -- are we meant to think that you are a poor, put-upon soul that does not often get the opportunity of some time to yourself? If you want to do something on your Jack Jones, just f**k off and do it, and quit playing the martyr. 3. Going forward -- a completely unnecessary expression, usually uttered by pr*cks in meetings in order to sound authoritative. I would be much more impressed if you could implement that in the past, you c*ck. 4. Welcome to my world -- unless you are saying it to an alien that has just landed on Earth, or you are an alien whose planet I have just landed on, I do not want to hear this. 5. Back in the day -- when folk first started saying this, they meant the 1980s or 90s. It now seems to mean any time before now. I saw my f**k-witted 18-year-old cousin refer to 2007 as 'back in the day' on her Facebook page. When I was a kid, Robin Hood was a legend. So was St. George after killing the dragon. 6. Legend or 'Ledge' -- another word bastardised by the younger generation. When I was a kid, Robin Hood was a legend. So was St. George after killing the dragon. Now the term gets applied to people like sportsmen, most of whom have done f**k all. I heard a 16-year-old Leeds United fan, on work experience in our office, describe Kasper Schmeichel as a legend. That?s Kasper, not his dad, Peter. Young men may also refer to one of their imbecile mates as a 'ledge' because he fingered a girl at a party before throwing up blue WKD down her front. 7. Unveiled -- despite the fact that everyone already knew who it was, and that he was not covered from head to toe in a sheet, Chelsea apparently 'unveiled' their new manager, Andr Villas-Boas . talkSH*TE radio is especially fond of using the word in this context. Why not just say 'introduced'? Idiots. 8. Simples -- do I really have to explain why a word coined by a f**king talking Russian meerkat in an advert for a price comparison website is annoying? Well, not nearly as annoying as when some tw*t thinks they are the first person that ever said it to you. 10. Full-fat -- as in, "I'll have a Coke please? ....Do you want diet or full fat?" Only a cretin thinks that Coke has any fat in it. I realise that many of those that say full-fat Coke know this, but it only serves to confuse the less intelligent, and annoys the sh*t out of me. If you like it, Pass it on COMMENTS Chav tastic - but please add the following; "Are you joking me?" "OMG!" (the twats don't have a faith - belief thought in their tiny little brains unless Jezza Vile and Cowell count) "Have a nice day" (Why? What happens if I don't? Leave me alone you creetin) *Let's touch base" (No, lets ram the base up your fundament) "Let's take a rain check" (No, just fuck off!) There are countless more and hopefully more will be added to this annoying little list. The one that drives me fucking mental is "I'm a big fan of Liverpool/Manure/Chelwski/Shittah/the Arse etc. (Not born there, don't live there, no family connections whatsoever, never been to the games home or away, in fact they don't know where the bloody stadiums are located! TWATS!) "At the end of the day" hearing any twat say that makes me want to end their days. A pathetic substitute for gumballs who have nothing remotely intelligent to say and want to end a conversation they cannot understand. I'd like to add the incredibly annoying 'peeps' (is it so much of a struggle to say 'people' all of a sudden?) and 'hun' (the only person who can really be called that is Atilla). As well as anyone who starts a conversation on 'poor Cheryl Cole' - we don't need to pity a millionaire chav, as I'm sure she's not pitying us. Welcome to my world. Back in the day, during some me time, I made a note to self to not say irritating things. Simples. I thought I was going forward and had become a ledge, but after drinking all the fat from my coke I realised people couldn't understand anything I was saying without degrading my language to theirs. They were confused.com and so I unveiled that I would revert back. OMG, LOL or any of their cousins. In fact, even saying Oh my God is now unacceptable. Anything endorsed ad infinitum by that moron Rio Ferdinand and his Twitter wannabe acolytes. Innit. I is. Bruv. Nearly every word spoken by anyone on Eastenders under the age of 21. World Class to be used to describe even the most non-descript footballer. Sky are guilty of this. Which brings me to 'Super Sunday' - we get the alliteration but you can't use 'Super' if you are about to broadcast Bolton vs Stoke. It's just Sunday. The one i most despise is referring to someone as 'my rock'. Two reasons quite clearly the person is not a rock. Secondly, that phrase was first introduced by Princess Diana in reference to a heart surgeon. Whenever i hear people say it i always ask them if they idolised her. They never know why i ask but they all do in fact idolise her. Note to self, going forward ignore any articles unveiled from lame.com site who thinks they are a legend from back in the day, who should have had more "me" time. I prefer the Full Fat articles, not inane drivel. Simples! Oh... and welcome to my world... bitches :D Heres a new one thats spreading like wildfire where i live ,people saying its "not even that" when your explaining something. It renders what you've just said as meaningless and i want to kill the cunts who say it great article, the one that gets me is "he turned around and said" then "i turned around and said" then" she turned around and and said" can everyone just fucking stop turning around, and a lot less bollocks would be talked, and Jeremy Kyle would be 20 mins shorter every day! Hmm, it seems like we have some real First World problems here, doesn't it? D'you know there are poor kids starving their shrivelled cocks off in shithouse countries ran by stoopid fucking useless corrupt cunts who'd give their right eyes to be able to hear any of the above atrocities. But fuck them. I hate - HATE - "what's the dealio?" I will rip someone's fucking neck apart one of these days, twenty-odd year old wankers. You are so much better than everyone else. Really though, most of this has been tweeted and face booked so many times that this falls into category it attempts to attack. Not an original idea in the whole thing. Using swear words to punctuate is far fucking worse than the thing it attacks. I completely agree with whoever brought literally to this. The over/misuse of the word literally really gets on my goat. Your friend is not literally on fire thank you very much. Also, in the office, people who pro-actively do things. Since when did we not just do things? @Sam - spot on about swearing in every other sentence! People in glass houses. Oh wait, you'll go add that to your list now! 12) Making childish lists of things people say that annoy you. 13) Reading a childish list of things people say that annoy a complete stranger, then leaving a comment about how childish it is to make such a list. There are no winners in this. "I'm not being funny but..." No, it was never 'funny' in the first place. "She turned around and said..." Did she quite literally TURN AROUND? No. She didn't. (But this WOOP WOOP thing does get on my tits, cheers Ed. 'The new' ... insert name of very famous and (usually but not always) talented; footballer, band, writer, wrestler, arc welder etc, afterwards. This is always and without exception a complete and unashamedload of shite and reveals a complete lack of imagination or grasp of your subject. Sub-editors of Sabotage Times who compose the strap-lines, please take note. JK, what are you like, eh? You're a regular says-annoying-things offender, aren't you? Come on JK, I'm not sure childish is the right word. You're just a big baby. This list could have been endless, really. Sorry, but I just thought of two others and these are down to our wonderful (M)Ad men (and women) "New, improved..." It's either new or improved - it's not possible to be both. "Genuine reproduction..." So new then? Some times it all gets a bit too much and I'm sorry to say that swearing does get run up the old flag pole to see who salutes it... Bollocks... I hate it when anyone associated with football says "you've got the great players like the Beckhams, the Scholes, the Rooneys, the Terrys. And the great clubs like the Boltons, the Evertons, the Arsenals." Fucks me off. And things being "straight out of the top drawer". That's where keep my pants, but I'm sure they don't mean that. Andy Townsend has a lot to answer for. Hagbard Is it me,or is everything in this article a sub-standard, bastardised version of the already substandard "humour" of "is it me, or is everything shit?"? ...................................... No you're not wrong. The article is soooo annoying. Period. SIMPLES !