Genre: Opinion/Argumentation

Well back to work I went , on a part-time basis , I have to confess my employers Iceland were very understanding and accommodating which made things a lot easier . I do n't know why I went back to work because to this day I know I went back too soon . I do think that I went back to work because of my financial situation , since coming out of hospital my bills were getting out of control and I was finding it hard to keep my head above water . I just could n't keep my bank balance in the black and my sick pay was running out - the wrong reason to go back to work , I know but the honest reason all the same . Some people say your health comes first , not me , not when you 've got bills to pay - the philosophy according to a dafty like me !! On returning to work I decided to try for Disability Living allowance , elementary I thought , but as a lot of you will know it 's not so easy . Meanwhile back at the shop it was proving very difficult , but the bonus was I was meeting people and talking to people again , not just sitting behind my four walls alone getting depressed . That is one thing that has changed with me for those who have known me for years , I always loved my own company , but now I am pining for company . I 'm a bit confused about my sudden change . I wanted to go out but I was always so conscious of my tremor and people watching me I would n't go out . I got knocked back for DLA but reapplied after a lot of hassle from family and friends , so reapply I did . I was still going through severe mood swings , work was n't helping me much either , the shop I am manager of is a very fast moving store with things happening all the time , your always on the go working from 7 am to 7 pm - it was proving too much for me . There were times I locked myself in the office and just cried , yes I was still at it . You 'd think they would have dried up by now . Work in Galashiels was proving very difficult , I had a major problem to face , after 13 years working what could I do ..... It was a problem that did n't help my sleep pattern much , whatever that was ? It also did n't help my walking much as I found my left leg dragging severely . I was having great difficulty in walking . In October I had a week's holiday and discovered I hated holidays from work . I just got depressed and lonely , but I had a visit from a doctor through my holiday to see if I was entitled to DLA . I went through hell on that visit , bet you cannae guess what I did , yes my trear ducts started again , especially when I spoke about what I could do before but could n't do anymore . I never realised my life had changed as much in such a short time , but bloody change it did . Also during my holiday I attended my first YAPP & R's meeting in Edinburgh , brilliant I was finally meeting folk with the same problem as myself . Helen asked if I minded talking to the group about my operation - no problem . I must admit I think I used a few too many swear words in my talk , for that I b ......... y apologise . But yes I had a great day . I even won a motorbike in the raffle - what a day . Yes , I was on a high , but I forgot what they say about what goes up ............ Yes soon I plumetted again , but I had made contact with folk frae the Glesga area , Robert , Louise and Ann . They stay not far from Jeff and Karen so on my next visit there we met in the pub for a bit of lubrication . It was a great night . Jeff thoroughly enjoyed meeting folk with a similar problem to me . Jeff is the opposite of me he wants to learn as much as possible - me I do n't want to know ......... I do n't know why ......... but I do n't . On return to work after my holidays I made a decision to meet my boss . I arranged to meet Stewart Dyson , my Area Manager , in the pub after work . I confessed my concern about not being able to do the job anymore - you know what comes next , crying in the pub . I was worried my employers would drop me like a hot potato after my confession but I could n't be further from the truth . Stewart said he would help me as much as possible but he could n't do anything before Christmas . Roll on the New Year !!! After my talk with my boss we had our Annual Managers' Conference in Birmingham . In the afternoon I was presented with a holiday for two in Florida - Florida by golly !!! For what I had gone through . I felt really guilty taking the holiday , especially after my confession that I could n't do the job anymore but I kept getting told it was for what I had gone through not what I 'm doing now . What a Brucie Bonus ....... I was starting to get more bad days than good days .......... I put this down to my working environment and the stress I was putting myself under . I was finding it hard to walk , my tremor was coming back more often and I was depressed . I honestly believe I was near to a nervous breakdown , but battle on I would , why ? because it paid the bills . I was now starting to clear my debts 8 months on and was finally beginning to get my head above water , so what does the future hold ........... Contents Back : 3 . The recoop , recoup , getting better .......................... Next : 5 . The Future ............ This site is © Copyright The Adrienne Coles Memorial Trust 2000 , 2001 , 2002 . The Adrienne Coles Memorial Trust is a Registered Charity with Charity Commission for England & Wales , registration number 1084973 . For more information and suggestions email the webmaster .