Genre: Opinion/Argumentation

This is the first time I have ever shared this with another human being , so it is not easy for me . I keep thinking , I am different . I am not like the others ... although perhaps I am , except I pull my hair from my head and not my eyebrows or eyelashes . Oh , this is so hard but good to have someone I hope will not think I am silly or I am going mad !!! I can remember the day I started , vividly , why I do n't know , maybe some sort of turning point in my life at the age of ten . During my teenage years while going to high school it got to the point of having bald patches behind my ears . I got my hair cut to hide it , as we always had to have out hair up and you could see the bald spots clearly . I do n't remember my parents or anybody else saying anything to me about this , they were always too busy and did n't understand . I am now 48 , never got on with my parents and ran away from home when I was 14 , never went back till I was over 21 . I have never lived at home and can only stand a day there . I find it comes and goes , depending what happens in my life . I believe stress is a big factor . When I gave up smoking several years ago I had nothing to do with my hands so I took up hair pulling again , biting my nails and the skin around them . It 's worse when I am watching TV or not busy with my hands and when I have time to sit and do nothing , boredom . I usually head for the fridge or pull my hair out . Something - I am not sure what , must be happening in my life as in the last few years my weight has ballooned and my hair pulling has been bad in the last few months . I have been dieting and have now lost a lot but have been very very unhappy for a long time . I was never sexually abused by my parents , emotionally I would say , yes . When my parents spoke of their life as children I can now understand why they were like the way there were , always aloof and just out of reach . I always thought I was strange and I did something really weird , I had no idea there was a name for it until one night they featured one brave lady on a current affairs program about pulling her hair out , then I knew . Once , while I was at the doctors with my children I asked him about trichtillomania because I had heard people who have it do the same as I did , he told me not to be so silly , how could I have ADD and did I really think at my age I had it and did I want to start on all these drugs , with no cure . Obviously , that really put me off , I felt like a real idiot . That was years ago , my children are grown up now . THEN , last night because my hair pulling has been so bad in the last month I and I was at my witts end what to do , I do n't know why but I decided to type in ' pulling your hair out and eating it " on my computer and bingo ! I could n't believe my eyes when all this info came up on your website and I could see with my own eyes that I am not alone after all these years ! I can stop it when I really try . I tell my hands not to do it and try not to think about it and it is very hard but the urge goes away in the end . Sometimes I can be pull free for months at a time then I think ' oh I have n't done that for ages and bang away it goes again ' that 's the way I describe it anyway . It is not an easy thing to accept there is something wrong with you . I have been through all the phyciatrists when I was younger , as I can not relate emotionally to my parents or children . When my Dad died last year I could not shed a tear and still can not . My Mum can not still tell me she loves me , even though I say it to spite her . Since I have grown older I have eventually been able to come to terms with the way I am and now have my ways to get around things . I am a very happy , strong , bubbly , outgoing , person on the outside but a very miserable person on the inside , with all these problems I hide very well . THANK YOU , THANK YOU !!