Task: Sentiment Analysis
Input (English): I feel the Tuscan Milk jokes starting all over again...(as if they ever stopped!)  <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00032G1S0">Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz</a>  Wow! Thought this would be the way to go-not only save money on lunches, but to keep it a long time without spoilage. I couldn't wait to get my peanut butter-had the jelly and bread just a-waitin', but low and behold, when I tried to spread it on the bread-yuck-wouldn't even adhere to the knife out of the jar! Next, I tried shaking it from the jar onto the bread, but when I picked the bread up, it fell clean off. Someone suggested I put the jelly on first, but when I did that then stuck the knife into the jar, all I ended up with was a messy knife-still wouldn't spread.  I finally gave up and just opened my mouth, put my head back and dumped the stuff directly onto my awaiting tastebuds. On the second attempt, I somehow bypassed the tastebuds and it went directly into my throat where it strangled me.  I'd tell this story verbally, but I am now unable to speak because it ate out my vocal cords.  So much for convenience. 
 Polarity: Positive
Output (English): False