Task: Question Answering
Input (English): Context: 31/07/86- 18/07/2003 It 's been exactly 5 years since I lost the closest friend I ' ve ever had , and I feel like I should finally stop being so guarded about it . I ' ve only talked about it to 3 people , ever , because I felt it 'd be awkward , that people would form an opinion of me based on it , and more than anything else , I did n't want a pity party . We 'd been friends since I was 7 and the last time we ever talked was the week before my 15th birthday . 
Question: How may I feeling during this post ?
Output (English): Grief.