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vice	Hi! I'm also an autistic woman. Though I completely lack your desire to be all made up (I go the opposite direction with a shaved head and no makeup) I think that you will find help and recommendations if you ask this over at r/aspergiris. They can tell you what works for them, how they manage the routine, and what products to avoid sensory-wise.
Rule Based	Sending lots of love. that's brutal and I hope you can make the space to take care of you, daily. You're doing an incredible job dealing with the ups and downs of this situation. It's not going to be easy but I believe in you - you're a strong person. Best of luck
TF-IDF	Definitely less helpful Slightly helpful Meaning problem
Retrieval	You should tell them it's hurtful. Right now you're brushing it off, but if they love you then seeing you hurt will matter to them more far more than the hair. Be vulnerable. People are going to give you advice on how to give a nice little composed speech, but I say show yourself hurt. Have your voice break. Cry if you're up to it. Say it makes you feel awful to be criticized by your family, that you dread seeing them because you know they're going to say how terrible you look. That's my advice. These are old school grandmas, we can feed you snarky Reddit speeches or debate points to recite with a cool detachment and maturity, but I think they may respond better to the emotion of their granddaughter. They're nonstop emotionally manipulating you, might as well play that game to get them to feel bad about it. People get kinda shocked when you make them feel like an asshole. No one wants to suddenly feel like a bully, their little jabs don't seem fun or justified anymore when someone is looking at them completely hurt and devastated.
T5-11B	If that doesn't work, say you're leaving if they bring up your hair ever again. And stick to it. Just walk away and leave, every time.
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Every part of your post was a sign that you're probably looking at this from the wrong perspective. If anything, I think your obsession with not looking like others is part of the problem, not a solution. It also makes you sound awfully paranoid about your identity and your competence at anything other than function.
You need to calm down and see this from a different perspective.
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I don't think many Southerners have perfect hair. But I do think many have great hair. So my advice: 1. Go to a hairdresser. 2. Stop trying to do it yourself. 3. Go to a beauty school and learn proper technique. 4. Get some makeup lessons. 5. Get some hair lessons. 6. Learn the difference between products. 7. Stop trying to be "on".
8. No one looks a certain way all the time.
GPT3-175B	Definitely less helpful Slightly helpful Writing problem My older son has autism and the prime affect is on his ability to relate to other people, in particular socialise, make eye contact and talk to others, so these skills are not very developed. He has also had extreme sensory issues since he was very small which means that clothes he likes feel awful, he's to hot or too cold. At home he's fine in jeans and a t-shirt but it's not appropriate to wear jeans and a t-shirt anywhere else. This is not the only thing that impacts on him and his family, but it is the issue that directly effects me as his mum. How do I take care of him, be a mum and parent of three other boys and actually look like I care about the way I look? I have friends who are amazing at doing their hair, make up, clothes and I feel very inadequate in comparison. It's not just me that thinks so either, others notice the difference. How can I be just as on point as those other women I look up to are, because secretly I want to be? Also, I'm having issues with my body in comparison to others and I don't know how to handle it. Not sure if it's the same for anyone else but I'm spending a great deal of time hating on my body, to the point I'm avoiding leaving the house. For me, it isn't about wanting to look a certain way, I want to wear what I want but I can't because I hate how I look and feel. I know I shouldn't have these thoughts but I do, and I really need some advice on how to change this.
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Second Best Reddit Advice	Have you considered the 'barely there' look? Make sure you have the basics - showered, hair brushed, moisturize (because youthful skin always looks good), nails filed. Wear simple clothes that fit, and add an accessory - whether that's a belt, necklace, bangles, just something to 'spice it up a bit). You don't need a full face of makeup. A bit of mascara or some lipstick will brighten up your face and make you feel 'done up' without the full foundation, eyeshadow, etc. It gives you the boost without the hassle of putting the lot on/taking it off. I'm not feminine at all. I'm an athlete and I train so much that I hate doing that stuff, it's too much hassle for me. But if I have an interview/presentation to do I'll put a bit of mascara and lip gloss on so that I don't feel haggard. It works. Slightly more helpful