Product: Return to Frogtown
Rating: 3.0
I Want A Beer And A Side Of Flies...
"Return to Frogtown" is a sequel about frogs once again trying to conquer the world. I give it three stars for camp value (it is far better than the subsequent "Toad Warrior.") This film follows the adventures of the "Texas Rocket Rangers" and their attempt to quell discipline problems in Frogtown. Right off the bat Ranger John Jones (Lou Ferrigno,) gets captured by the frogs and is given frog serum to start the transformation process by a weasely scientist, Professor Tanzer, who reminded me of Carrot Top, though without the charm, intellect, or eloquence. More Rangers are dispatched including Robert Z'Dar (whose chin is truly of epic proportions) and "Dr. Spangle," who gets to partially undress and dance for Czar Frogmeister (who sits under an old fashioned hairdryer with a vacuum cleaner hose protrusion, in an ultra cheap Darth Vader knockoff) in a scene of truly disturbing proportions.Along the way the plot evolves to have many subcomponents. I greatly enjoy the crabby Chief Ranger "Captain Delano" (Charles Napier, a character actor everyone will recognize,) a computer named "F.U.Z.Z.Y." which is an automated bleached blonde (the acronym is never revealed, unless I was dozing,) a disco scene featuring the dialogue that makes up my title for the review, and a rapping frog band ("I'm mean, I'm green....") For sheer disturbing, though, nothing can rival the least appealing love scene in movie history in which Robert Z'Dar romances a frog.Ironically Ferrigno turns a beautiful shade of Hulk green and gets strong enough to break the bars of his jail cell in yet another throwback to earlier works in the genre. The film features dune buggy races, and the lamest rocket backpacks since Commando Cody ("The King of the Rocketmen") took to the screen decades ago. The helmet of the suit is about the silliest thing I have ever seen, and makes whoever is wearing it look like a flying Duck Billed Platypus. Ultimately the film ends in a long shootout, the mystery of Czar Frogmeister is revealed (it is even dumber than you expect,) and the Rangers get a very annoying apprentice which foreshadows the screen presence of "Rollergator."The film is (obviously) not well made, but unlike many other films in the genre it has a combination of bizarre quirkiness and high camp value that make it enjoyable to the connoisseur of trash cinema.