Product: Eight Crazy Nights [VHS] (2002)
Rating: 1.0
A Christmas Memory I'd rather forget.
First off I do not dislike Adam Sandler, I rather enjoy some of his raunchy antics on film, not so much because I like raunchy antics, but because of the underlying message. Adam Sandler really does have a good heart and his films always show this. You can scoff at his bathroom jokes and spitting, farting etc, but he does that to satisfy his fans who paid money to see him, he is loyal to his fans and to his friends. Ever notice how he always gives jobs to Rob Schneider and Dana Carvey? No one else does, that's a good friend, also his good old fashioned small town morals always win out of the rich, evil fat cats who try to squeeze him in his films. He never sinks to there level either, perhaps that is why ECN was such a creepy, deeply disturbing film, I cannot, in recent memory recall a more unpleasant time at the movies,what was he thinking? Early on in the film his character, a drunken loser, belches very loudly in a Chinese restaurant " Ok I go take shower now" says Chinese waiter. I wanted to take a shower too, very soon after that scene. For starters Mr. Sandler seems to think he is a voice over man, he is not. His idea of a character voice is to squeak his lines out in a nearly impossible to understand whiny nasal twang that is not unlike running a nail down a chalkboard. One can barely understand he is trying to do a character, and he barely is. Also he is the voice of at least four of his characters, he is equally bad in each. Perhaps the most confusing and depressing is the old white heard man who lives with his sister in a little old house, he wants desperately to win a patch saying he is the town good guy or something, he coaches the kids basketball team, he has been for years, and apparently does not work except to do crappy jobs for no pay so people can ignore and not appreciate him, he is simply there to be lovable, and put upon, he is slightly less subtle then a pie in the face (as is the so-called humor here). The script calls for Sandlers character to be a total jerk for no other reason other then to be redeemed at the end, there is no real motivation for his bazaar, cruel and badly aimed antics other then the screenplay calls for them. He starts off the film by driving a snowmobile drunk and smashing two ice sculptures, a menorah and a Christmas thing, I forget what it was. He is a repeat offender so his sentence will be a harsh one, but along comes old squeaky voice to offer the judge a chance to give him a reduced sentence, he lets him coach basketball with him in lue of time in the clink, I can just see the road runner and bugs bunny rolling there eyes and shaking there heads, surly, even in a cartoon there is some sort of rule book. Not here. Of course the judge remands him to the custody of squeaky and off they go. The film then goes on to showcase some of the most outrageous, mindnumbing scenes of animated mayhem this side of a Japanese manga involving tentacles and girls in school uniforms. He goes to the basketball game and insults the children, ridiculing one boy for being fat, the coach is knocked unconscious and puts his hand in his pants "nice kitty kitty" he squeaks, what the???? then an angry father gets on Sandlers bad side (his only side) and is force fed a jock strap "I hope you like them extra sweaty" Ho Ho Ho. For the next part of the film which seems like eight days, crazy or otherwise, his house is burned, he pushes his benefactor down a hill, in a porta potty which freezes feces on him, he is rescued by deer who lick the poop off him, on smiles with a load of ca ca in his teeth. We are treated to this twice. God bless us, every one. By the time the paint by number ending finally gets there we are also subjected to a number of songs, each worse then the last, fortunately they are forgettable as well as bad "If I move my bowls without using the spray....that's a technical foul" is one of few lines I remember, thank you God. By reading this one might assume, as I did, that this is irreverent in the good way, poking fun at old Christmas standards, but it is not. It is disgusting, badly written, annoying and very, very cruel. The two dimensional nice old brother and sister are treated horribly, for no good reason with no motivation or payoff, the songs are unlistnable and the dialogue is hard to understand, this is not always a bad thing. Of course we discover why the hero is such a jerk, a childhood trauma involving a car crash on Hanukkah, he hooks up with is old sweetheart and lives happily ever after. The same cannot be said for the audience. Why would anyone think this was funny or appropriate, who is the audience? There are many vulgar sexual references that are not claver or cutting edge they are sad and out of place, the over all feel of the film is one of depressed Sinicism and a morbid sense of doom and hopelessness. Adam Sandler has been loyal to his friends, his friends should have been loyal to him and told him what a bad idea this was, even if it hurt his feelings. This Christmas turkey won't even work as leftovers. Bah Humbug.