Product: xXx [VHS] (2002)
Rating: 2.0
The best movie of all time...if you're 12 years old!
XXX is like that popular girl that everybody wanted to date in high school. Y'know the one, the hot homecoming queen that is so popular you figure she's got to be great and you dream about going out with her. Problem is, when you finally do...you wonder what the big deal was because she's got no personality and is as boring as an insurance sales convention!! And not as pretty as you thought she was, either!This movie is all marketing and technique and loud annoying German techno-metal, but there's nothing cool about it! How can that be when you're talking about a movie about an extreme athlete who becomes a secret agent? I have no idea how, but they've made it lame.You get the feeling that the movie was spawned during a meeting of studio execs when some "genius" had the idea of a guy outrunning an avalanche with a snowboard. They just needed a way to fit it in a movie...the result is a remarkably boring and overwrought piece of dreck, and also one of the five most fake movies of all time! A heat-seeking missle homing in on a cigarette? C'mon now, this is utterly absurd!Maybe if they had tried to make the movie a little more fun, a little more tongue-in-cheek, it might've been okay. But it takes itself way more seriously than it ought to...and the result is derivative and laughable. It's on par with the worst of the James Bond movies...which is pretty bad (ever see "License to Kill"?)! Everyone associated with this should've known better! 5/10.