Product: Everybody's Fine (2009)
Rating: 3.0
Everybody's Fling
Okay, this one's a flinger; the first movie to be reviewed using my new Flinger Rating Scale. Instead of stars, picture little icons of sporks, which I was forced to use to fling my own foeces at the screen. As you see, however, this particular movie only comes in at three sporks, meaning it wasn't all that bad as flingers go.I liked this movie to a certain extent, in the simple-minded way you like movies when you're guzzling wine while watching them... but found it a bit heavy on the forced pathos. Perhaps they could've pumped the pathos to the next level by having Robert DeNiro's character coughing up blood into a snow-white handkerchief while walking by a dead clown lying on the railroad tracks. And then he discovers that his son the artist actually ran away to join the circus, got gang banged by a bunch of circus lions and went the way of Rod Stewart. If you attended public school in the 1970s then you know what I'm talking about. Those lions, he tried to resist but they were just so strong and... and yet after the attack, he still had the pluck to soldier on and get up on that stage and perform for his fans. However, while belting out The First Cut is the Deepest, his ordeal proved too much for him and he collapsed, only to be rushed to a nearby emergency room and have seven pints of puma come pumped from his stomach.Anyway, getting back to this very sad yarn, the son who's a percussionist could've turned out to be an organ grinder's monkey. He kind of looked like that when he was standing there pathetically banging that drum. One thing that wasn't explained was why Drew Barrymore's character is both a lesbian AND has an illegitimate baby. Boy, I guess she was going through a rough patch! You can go ahead and flush this Christmas turkey down the Christmas toilet, you know, the one that still has your uncle Abe's skid marks in it? Bottom line, stick a spork in this one. It's done.