Product: Constantine [Blu-ray] (2012)
Rating: 2.0
Boring, bland, and blah
The American consumer public are no fools. We know how to spend our dollars wisely, where to invest and what to avoid. So when this Francis Lawrence-helmed apocalyptic "thriller" topped weekend box office charts during its initial release, there's no way that money could've been directed towards the wrong feature, right?Yes and no. Let's start with the yes and get it over with. First off, very impressive visual effects. From the exorcism in the beginning of the movie, to our little hero's ventures into hell, to the wings of Gabriel. (Btw, it is very interesting to note how Gabriel is depicted as genderly ambiguous) Rachel Weisz has a very smooth way to her acting, as if she can do it so easily and flawlessly, you actually believe her character as an L.A. policewoman haunted by the mysterious death of her twin sister. Shia Laboeuf has a bit of a minor role, but he makes the most of it, shining with that unintended humor of his character, Constantine's "slave" chaffeur, Chas Kramer.Now, the no part. Hollywood seems to love declaring Keanu Reeves as our savior, the hero who didn't want to be a hero, called upon to save the world in one way or another. Whether it be in the machine-run era of "The Matrix", or a police officer trying to stop a madman from doing terrorist deeds in "Speed." And now, again, Reeves is called upon to save us from a clash between heaven and hell! John Constantine, a reluctant hero who has selfish ends, feeling sorry for himself, blah blah... Reeves may or may not put his all into this role, but as we all know by now, his best is never good enough. Constantine's persona is too flat, not captivating enough, further brought down by that annoying monotone drawl of Reeves' voice, and constantly needs support from the other characters in the film. Even the 20-second flashbacks of his childhood we see aren't enough to garner attention or pity for this soul branded for hell.The worst of it is that we expect this hero to maintain and carry along what little plot there is, stretched out over 2 hours. Honestly, folks, there is not much going on here. The filmmakers probably made about 5 storyboards and decided to make each one 20 minutes long. Inbetween the grueling beginning and the much-anticipated end, there's a whole lot of nothing eye-candy that manages to transfix into a bit of something, but not enough. Somehow we get from the death of a psychiatric patient to the end of the world...? And even when the movie's over, there's STILL unanswered questions. I don't mean, "Oh, will Angela and John get together?" nonsense but "Uh what happened to the dead sister??" No doubt saving for an equally painful sequel.So don't waste your money on this over-budgeted Keanu-promoting campaign...oh, oh I mean, thriller! "The Seventh Seal," "12 Monkeys," good flicks. Not this. No.