Product: Constantine [Blu-ray] (2012)
Rating: 1.0
Not a Horror film...just a Horrible film
Having had the good luck (perhaps it was angelic intervention) to miss this grotesque spectacle of half-baked nonsense and pretentious gobbledegook when it depressed ticket sales in the theatres a few months ago, I made the mistake of buying the DVD.Let me just say that I came upon this bloated piece of cinematic feces without any predisposition. I was totally unaware of the graphic novel upon which this Keanu (my middle name is "zzzzz") Reeves' suicidal vehicle was purportedly based. And even though I had zero knowledge of the director's background, my instinctive impression was that the incompetent creature responsible for birthing this monstrosity was aspiring to excrete a film that would replace a real story, comprehensible dialog and (God willing) actual acting with a tediously relentless mishmash of music video obscurity and a convulsion of inarticulate blather. This godawful train wreck of a concept was authentic in only one thematic sense, I emerged from the mugging feeling like I had spent an eternity in hell.