Product: Das Komabrutale Duell
Rating: 1.0
Unwatchable . . . zero stars.
So I'm at the video store the other day, and the manager tells me this new movie that was banned in Germany just came in and that it was supposed to be uberly kewl and I needed to check it out. Didn't look like my kind of flick, but I figured I'd give it a look.Wow.I have seen a lot of REALLY bad movies over the years, but this is truly in a class of its own. To call it a "film" would be inaccurate. There is no plot. It seems to have been shot in a single take on a VHS camera using recycled tapes, as I've seen far better resolution from cheapo camera phones. The "blood" isn't even red -- it looks like coffee, either being splashed from a cup or squirted out of a tube. The "intestines" hanging out of an abdomenal wound appear to be constructed from blue sweatpants. The makeup f/x seem to have been handled by autistic jr high students with ADD . . . either that, or they just didn't care. Oh, and the story sucked too. Some nonsense about, "Your uncle was killed by a drunk driver, and if you join our gang we'll kill the drunk's whole family for you."I struggled to endure this "film" until about 5 minutes into the first fight, where the fellow who just received serious gunshot wounds through both thighs proceeded to chase the shooter around and kick him -- then the gun was taken away and he shot the shooter -- whereupon the shooter pops open the hatchback of his car and pulls out a small chainsaw (already running) to counterattack -- and his victim then proceeds to grasp the bar of said chainsaw (as well as the sharp spinning chain) with both hands, sustaining not so much as a papercut . . . after watching a few more minutes of this stupidity I realized that I couldn't even fast forward through the remaining 90% of the "film", so I instead pressed the "chapter advance" button repeatedly and saw that it was pretty much the same throughout.To add insult to injury, the perpetrator of this cinematic dog dropping actually had the audacity to add "Special Features" to the disc, in which he pontificates about his vision and philosophy . . . for which he should be beaten with a large stick . . . even though there were no subtitles for the Special Features and I can't understand German. I see this "film" was released in 1999, and I wonder at which fast food franchise the Writer/Director now toils?This is the Worst Movie Ever Made. And it isn't even funny. I skipped through most of it AND got a full refund, yet I still feel as if I've been wronged. I would rather get kicked in the groin repeatedly than be forced to watch this "film" in its entirety. Beyond awful.