Product: The Blob (1988)
Rating: 5.0
What's Not To Like?
SEE! Intentionally laughable corny dialogue!SEE! The time period of the movie not being able to decide whether it is the 80s or the 50s, with hilarious results like Kevin Dillon dressed like James Dean in a motorcycle jacket, but with a mullet!SEE! Stock characters you know and secretly love, like Candy Clark as the Diner Waitress who Acts Tough but has a Heart of Gold, especially when it comes to the amorous local sheriff, the Football Hero who is a little bit of a snob, the Misunderstood Motorcycle Punk with a crush on the heroine who looks tough and all in his leather jacket but is Smarter than he Looks, the Priest who is a Closet Drunk and preaches Hellfire and Damnation and nbllows things like "This was all foretold in the book of Revelations!" when the Blob slithers around main street, stuffing people into itself.SEE! Candy Clark (I almost called her Candy Johnson, aka the 60's fastest Go-Go dancer whose nicknames are Miss Perpetual Motion-she had that patented, and Non-stop Go-Go Dance Machine--whoops! Sorry, that's one of MY nicknames! How did I ever do that?! Silly me--by mistake--now THAT I'd buy the DVD to see) trapped in a glass phone booth surrounded by The Blob!SEE! Annoying characters, even bratty kids, graphically get what they deserve! Yeah!SEE! A government conspiracy involving top brass in biohazard suits that tell main characters things like, "You're not prisoners... you're patients!" while locking them into the back of an "ambulance"?.SEE! Chapter selections on the DVD with titles like "PUNK YES, KILLER NO".SEE! Loving homages to the original such as the centerpiece where the Blob attacks/devours nearly an entire movie theater with a shot of terrified patrons stampeding out of the theater pursued by the blob oozing up behind them!SEE! An urban legend involving a druggist and a teenage boy buying condoms!SEE! A black character who not only lives through an entire horror movie, but helps save the day!SEE! No CGI!SEE! That's right!! Animatronic that are almost as fun as the ones in Carpenter's The Thing (some might call this a low rent version of The Thing, what with tentacles suddenly whipping out of monsters you thought were people and characters post-monster attack who retain facial features or props as they?re being slowly consumed, to the horror of other characters!SEE! Character's loved ones melting away right in front of their very eyes front of them until they (the original character) faint from horror!SEE! Me forcing myself to stop before I spoil any more fun surprises or talk it up too much!I'm not saying it?s the best horror film of the 80's, (that title would go to....OK, can I pick ten instead of five? Please?) but it is one of the better gruesome and gooey monster flicks of that era. Nice high gross-out factor, with some really creative deaths. As I said before, it borrows from The Thing remake, but I think not so much as a rip-off but ina admiration for the film. Sure it?s not John Carpenter?s The Thing, but then again, what is? In fact, if you're fan of The Thing but need a break somewhere between your 10th and 20th viewing, definitely plop this one in and ge your fix.My two cents--pick up this fun, underrated popcorn flick monster movie and get ready to have a good time. And if you don?t? Well, don?t come crying to me to explain why there weren't more CGI or A-list stars. I'm not angry with you, I lierally feel sad for you, honestly, 'cause you're missing out on a (heckuva) lot of fun.