Product: The Marine (Unrated Edition) (2006)
Rating: 1.0
Stunningly Horrible!
I really wanted to like this movie, honest I did. It's got all of my requirements: manly man, action, things that go boom, and a hot chick. That's a recipe for success, right? I mean, how can it not be?Was I ever so wrong.At one point Cena is hit in the chest with a sledge hammer and merely rolls over, grunts, and continues fighting. He was hit with a SLEDGE HAMMER! I've nailed my finger with a regular hammer and been incapacitated for days. The craptastic nature of this *film* simply cannot be expressed in words... Perhaps a melodramatic self-serving story? Yes, that will do...When I was 16 I was gainfully employed at the local video store. It was no BlockBuster, but we did a brisk business. I thought I ruled the world because I had a car, a girl, and exactly four whiskers on my chin. I rocked. After payday I would pick her up from the trailer park, take her to McDonalds, and then impress her with my knowledge of fractions.Anywhoo,Whoever was manning the front desk, where the checkout registers were, got the honor of choosing the movie to be played over all six of the store's televisions (as long as it wasn't a pornographic title). Usually this meant we'd watch low budget indie or foreign action films. Of course I always chose "Just one of the guys" because the chick playing the dude flashes the other dude the chick who's playing the dude is into (yeah, that movie is a little confusing) - but more importantly, brief nudity for the price of a PG-13.In any event, one evening the assistant manager of the store (who was later charged with murder... long story) brought in a film from Japan. It featured the usual fare - people doing weird and wacky stuff. However, during one vignette the camera focuses on the rear of a nude man. The man proceeds to wrap is butt in see-through cellophane wrap and moments later he soils that wrap. This movie is EXACTLY like that scene. It's uncanny...