Product: Def-Con 4 (1985)
Rating: 3.0
Could've been worse
The post-apocalyptic genre is a cow pasture a viewer must tread very carefully through if he or she wishes to emerge unscathed on the other side. On the one hand, you have the great nuclear war dramas, films like Kubrick's "Dr. Strangelove," the soul shattering intensity of "Testament," and the British shocker "Threads." You don't have to check the bottom of your shoe if you step in these brilliant movies. You're likely to hear a squishing noise, however, if you trod upon any number of the Italian post-apoc cheapies currently making their way to DVD. "The New Barbarians," "Escape From the Bronx," "Warriors of the Lost World," and a slew of other ripe patties boast terrible dialogue, totally unconvincing special effects, and actors who wouldn't know how to act if their lives depended on it. "Def-Con 4" sort of lands in the middle of these two extremes, sort of a hardened cow pie with just enough squish left in it to give a bit under your weight and thus cause some worry. Many of the things we see and hear in this film are terrible, painfully terrible, but it's just interesting enough to keep you watching for just a few minutes longer.A trio of astronauts orbits the earth in a top-secret defensive/offensive satellite equipped with nuclear warheads when the unthinkable happens down below. We don't see the atomic exchange, a good idea on the filmmakers part since omitting the mushroom clouds saves on the special effects budget, but we do see these three characters watching television stations going off the air as well as see computer generated explosions on maps. One of the astronauts, Howe (Tim Choate), predictably agonizes over the fate of his family. Touching. The other two are thick skinned about the whole thing, especially the taciturn Walker (John Walsch). He's the can do man, apparently, and won't take any nonsense from the others. A female scientist on board, Jordan (Kate Lynch) seemingly serves as the requisite eye candy. Anyway, the three eventually head back to earth (not on purpose) in order to see what's happened to the home planet with decidedly unpleasant results. The crash landing knocks Jordan out, and Walker's acting is so bad that he's grabbed by something outside the craft and never seen alive again. It's now up to Howe to get Jordan out of the craft and search the surrounding environs for signs of life.In no time at all Howe ends up in the grip of a dirty survivor named Vinny (Maury Chaykin), a man who lives in a filthy abode and who drives a giant bulldozer around when he's looking for astronauts recently returned to earth. Vinny doesn't take too kindly to Howe's presence, but he does show interest in the satellite's food supply. He also has a young teenage girl named J.J. (Lenore Zann) locked in his basement for reasons probably best left unsaid here. This girl, Howe, Vinny, and Jordan soon fall into the clutches of a man so evil, so beyond human morality, that he attended prep school when the bombs fell. His name is Gideon (Kevin King), and he's an arrogant windbag who somehow managed to mold a bunch of misfit soldiers at nearby Fort Liswell into a fighting force of truly banal dimensions. He knows J.J. from school, but their acquaintance isn't enough to save our heroes from a loathsome fate. Gideon is the sort of guy who likes to stage show trials where he can hand out death sentences on trumped up charges. He's also the sort of guy who'll drop a cooked steak on the dirty floor in front of a starving man and chuckle as he does so. In other words, he's got a great future in a world gone mad. But does he? Sad to say, but something came down with that satellite, an object with an activated timer on it, that says otherwise.Most of what we see in "Def-Con 4" isn't very interesting. Right from the start the film treats us to actor John Walsch's pathetic attempts at emoting. Really, I haven't seen an actor this wooden in at least a week. He's positively painful to watch, and it's no surprise at all when the viewer feels an odd sense of satisfaction as some cannibals dine on him shortly after the crash landing. Sadly, the Howe character takes up the slack in the acting department as he cringes and whimpers his way through scene after scene. Is he annoying in the way that fingernails on a chalkboard induce cringing? Yes, but he's all we've got so deal with it. Unfortunately, we must focus on the characters' general ineptitude because there aren't many special effects to attract our attention. The movie has the idea of a destroyed world down cold, what with all the starving people wandering about in rags amidst wrecked buildings, but once you've seen one cheap post-apocalyptic world you've seen them all. There's nothing special going on in the world of "Def-Con 4," no hideous monstrosities reeking of radiation or mutated animals run amok. Nothing. Nada. Zip.So why am I giving this movie three stars? Because the atmosphere is appropriately gloomy and there is enough gunfire and explosions to keep the movie limping along to its rather unspectacular conclusion. Besides, it's easier to appreciate films like this when you've seen extraordinarily dreadful films like "The New Barbarians." Next to the Italian post-apocalyptic genre entries, "Def-Con 4" looks like Oscar material. Anchor Bay brings this minor masterpiece (cough) to DVD with a nice picture transfer and a trailer as an extra. Alas, no commentary track to explain away the plot holes, but I think I'll get by without it. Nuclear war film completists will want to pick this up while all others should probably stay away.