Product: Black Eagle (1988)
Rating: 1.0
This is the worst of all JCVD movies
The Jean Claude Van Damme Review Matrix (JCVD-RM)1. Who is he? Andrei, a knife throwing KGB agent sent by the Russians to steal the top secret U.S. equipment2. Which family member/friend must be avenged? This early in JCVD's career, the mandatory paint-by-numbers plot pieces like this were not in place yet.3. Does he take his shirt off? Half of the movie is on a ship in the water. You think he'd miss the chance for some rays?4. Does he have sex with a C-List actress? JCVD goes for a little anonymous redhead in this one.5. Is there a tournament? Perhaps if a race is sport, and all tournaments are sport, maybe it's a tournament. Otherwise it's just the Americans versus the Russians6. Is training needed for this tournament? Only acting training7. Does he do the splits in training or in the tournament? This may be the only movie in which a character not only does the splits while wearing a suit and a tie, but he also does it in khakis.8. Does he punch someone in the balls? To be honest, I can't say I remember it happening. However, given the fact that I dozed off during several scenes, it's entirely possibly that JCVD performed a fistectomy.9. Does he do a series of flying or 360 kicks? In every single fight.10. Is his enemy unbeatable? Hardly. He's just a little Asian guy with big hair and a black belt.11. Does he overcome an injury or other hindrance? Aside from being a Belgian, acting as a Russian, and speaking in broken English...not really.12. Does he win? It doesn't matter - the viewer loses.Some planes go down over the Mediterranean, and three were carrying top secret laser guidance systems. The rest is a race to get them before the Russians. Somehow, a Japanese guy codenamed "Black Eagle" goes in for the United States and a Belgian guy goes in for the Russians. And that's probably the movie's biggest problem; it's nearly incomprehensible the majority of the time because of various language barriers that aren't overcome.A fan of JCVD, action, or good movies will be severely disappointed. He's barely in the movie, and the rest is just bad. When you begin to crave the acting talents of JCVD, then you know the rest of the movie is slop. This is definitely a blemish on his career; I'm just not sure if it's wart or a zit.