Product: The Next Best Thing (2000)
Rating: 2.0
Misses the mark, emotionally and outwardly.
The story and promotional material of "The Next Best Thing" raises many expectations... so many, in fact, that it ruins a good portion of what is supposed to be a heartfelt film of acceptance and the struggle between best friends. The story is somewhat faulty, but the real damper in this film is the acting, which seems flat and lifeless, adding no emotion or heart to a movie that centers around those key feelings. Another ruinous aspect is the lifestyle in which the characters reside, which is much to exorbitant and mismatched for their jobs.... Robert, a homosexual construction worker who is tired of all the sex and "body obsession" that comes along with his lifestyle. Now tell me something: does it not seem a little hypocritical that he complains about body obsession, yet his physique is shown in its glorious form more that its fair share throughout the movie? That's not the end of it; he is best friends with a woman named Abbie, who is a yoga instructor and runs her own classes. This role is played out by Madonna, who seems to be having a lot of trouble in deciding which of her many fake accents to use throughout the film. She never reaches the mark of mediocre acting, much less fine acting, and instead comes across as sounding consigned and drab, adding no life to her character. Even when she cries, you know she's really pushing for tears.The story somewhat picks up when Abbie, upset over her recent breakup with her two-year boyfriend Kevin, and sensible Robert have one too many drinks on the night of the Fourth of July and end up making love, or having sex (we never really know how it turns out; the screen fades black). They wake the next morning, and immediately have an argument about who put the moves on who first the previous evening. This is a waste of scene, especially in the dialogue, where the wit and witticism of Everett is totally wasted of Madonna's unenthused retorts. They go on a hiatus from seeing one another, until Robert makes the ultimate sacrifice of calling her and sending her a plant (original, yet dull).Could the plant be symbolic of events to come? Not even close. If we haven't seen at least one metaphorical meaning yet, we're likely never to encounter one down the road. Abbie discovers that she is pregnant, but never stops to think for one second that the baby is not Robert's (ah, how easy we forget two years of sex). They both agree to give the child a happy and loving home, which will require living together. After Abbie has the baby (which uses one of the most over-used childbirth one-liners ever), the movie skips ahead seven years to the present, even though it seems like we've been in one place the whole time. We see the happy family together among friends, but be forewarned: this is the only real time they ever spend any time together. After this point, the movie spirals into a shameful third act of Robert's jealousy over Abbie's new relationship, and a custody battle that goes nowhere in terms of plot development.What makes this movie work? Nothing, if you sit down and think about it. The movie is supposed to be about family, and the values of a family that is different from you average family. How are we supposed to see how they get along in one house if the only time we get for that is in between the arguments of the adults and the beginning of the second half? Instead, we are left with nothing but a cavalcade of Abbie's relentless whining about the absence of love from her life, Robert's ongoing will to hold onto a child that is not even his own, and occasional intervals that involve a lifeless Neil Patrick Harris as Robert's friend and confidante. He does nothing for the film on any level; he is just simply thrown into the mix, along with such actors as Lynn Redgrave and Benjamin Bratt, whom we never really get to know.There always seems to be a glimmer of hope on the horizon for this movie, and just when it seems like something good is going to happen, it becomes hampered by plot twists and crappy dialogue that add nothing but running time to the movie. The third act, or the courtroom battle, is the most ludicrous of these twists. The whole premise of the movie is supposed to be about best friends working things out together. So why drag us through an entire courtroom sequence that does nothing but make us lose more feeling for the characters?The acting is some of the most flat and dull performances I've seen in a movie in a long time. It makes no sense that Madonna is placed in such a role; this is a huge step down from her character in "Evita," and she plays out Abbie as if she knows this is true. She is never really able to show any true emotion, and while she looks like she is right at home with the role, it makes the rest of the movie suffer and dwindle. Rupert Everett is sometimes emotional and enlightening as Robert, though his wit and humor, while adding a small degree of charm, do virtually nothing to salvage it. Supporting actors are hardly worth mentioning more than they already have been, because we never really get a chance to know them, therefore, we cannot care for them at all.Through the marketing criteria, the movie is made to seem like something so much more than it really is. But, although it looks good on the outside, "The Next Best Thing" is a grab bag of leftover plotlines and flimsy dialogue all thrown together to create something that really doesn't have as great an impact as it aspires to have.