Product: Kill Cruise
Rating: 3.0
Hula Hoo, Hula Hoo
Okay, I won't kid you that this is a classic by any means, but it is one of a kind. Watch it only if you are a strict Liz Hurley Patsy Kensit fan, or a fan of watching otherwise good German actor Jurgen prochnow desperately trying to look convincing playing a German having fun.Two English trollops convince sea captain Prochnow to take them on his boat to the West Indies, after a scene in a dance hall where they sing a song. It should be noted that one of the other customers in the bar bears a suspiciously striking resemblance to ex president Bill Clinton, so I guess it's that sort of bar.Anyway, on board everyone goes stir crazy, there's twosome's, threesome's and onesome's (I assume that's what Captain prochnow is alluding to when he says that he is off to reset the sail).There's sharks, Patsy covered in suntan oil, crossbows, needles and all sorts of intrigue, but for me the justify your existence as a filmaker scene is the lingering shot of the dog doing a big job on deck.The most painful scene is watching Jurgen pretending to be a party animal by dancing a little jig and singing "hula hoo,hula hoo".There's a dopey surprise ending that doesn't make sense, but by then you really just want the film to end so you can rewind back to the scenes of Pats rubbing that suntan oil in.Look, borrow this with a few mates who are into ironic viewing of dismal movies, otherwise give it a wide "berth".