Product: Alien Lockdown
Rating: 2.0
You Silly Mad Military Scientists!
Oh, you silly Mad Military Scientists... when will you ever learn? How many experiments have to go awry? Why do you continue to use genetic manipulation and MavGyver technology to build creatures that are meant to be the new "Ultimate Weapon" ?Going by movies like this one, you'd think that somehow a rampant lizard-ape- thing would be more effective than a nuclear bomb. But these silly Mad Military Scientists can't ever seem to even keep their eye on these creatures long enough to unleash them on the enemy. Their creations invariably escape and start running around, and the Silly Mad Military Scientists watch with a mixture of horror and admiration as their reptilian problem child rips through battalions of screaming army folks.The latest entry in the Saga of the Silly Mad Military Scientists:ALIEN LOCKDOWN!So, the Mad Scientist in this one is played by John Savage, who meanders through the movie with a confused look on his face, as if he's wondering where Jessica Alba went to and why his agent agreed to let him do this NuImage movie. He's building some kind of alligator-alien-guy and... get ready for the spoiler.... it escapes!Enter the screaming soldiers! Yay!These guys rush into the fray as if they've never seen a movie about a genetic experiment gone bad! With so much gusto! They do a lot of military-style chatter that was probably meant to make the movie feel "gritty" or "real". There are also a couple of heartwarming moments where the soldiers take time out from the battle to tell each other about their more human side. It's supposed to make you care more about them, I think. I was reminded of Phoebe Cates in Gremlins when she starts talking about how her dad got stuck in the chimney on Christmas Eve and died. Honestly, I don't understand why people in these movies decide to start divulging their deepest, darkest secrets at the worst possible moment. Anyway, so these screaming soldiers take time from being killed to discuss their issues with each other.John Savage continues to admire his creation, and he seems to be trying to channel the Brad Dourif character from Alien: Resurrection. In fact, this movie is a weird kind of potpourri of all the Alien movies rolled into one. Eventually, all the little screaming soldiers get picked off, leaving a lone female. Hmmm. I wonder where the writers got that one?And speaking of writers, I saw that it took the brain power of three people just to come up with the story! And then there were another two who wrote the script! It's hard to believe that it took five people to come up with this derivative pile of monkey poop. It is nothing more than the most recent entry into a very tired sub-genre of the Horror/Science Fiction pantheon. Which leaves me asking the question I started with, you silly Mad Military Scientists, when will you ever learn? Unfortunately, I think the answer is, "Not as long as people like you continue to watch movies about us." Maybe it's time we retired the scientists... what do you all think?