Product: The Marine (Unrated Edition) (2006)
Rating: 1.0
Who needs reality?
Welcome to the world of The Marine where John Cena unconvincingly plays a discharged marine who's wife is kidnapped by a bunch of ignoble diamond thieves. Welcome to the world of The Marine where our "hero" escapes death by fire not once, not twice but three times! Welcome to the world of The Marine where a woman can come between a hairsbreadth of escaping the clutches of the bumbling idiots who hold her captive AND STILL GETS CAUGHT! Welcome to the world of The Marine where men take punches that would knock Suge Knight out(what, too soon?) Welcome to the world of The Marine where stereotypical black men run around saying cliches like yep, you guessed it,"why it always gotta be a brother?". Welcome to the world of The Marine where bad guys couldn't hit the broadside of a barnyard with semi-automatic weapons. Welcome to the world of The Marine where our "hero" can get shot at and not get hit. Welcome to the world of The Marine where monosyllabic hillbillies with an irrational fear of cops reside in the bayou. Welcome to the World of The Marine where a women can get submerged under water for seven minutes and STILL LIVE! Welcome the the world of The Marine where cheesy one-liners run wild and a distinguished actor like Robert Patrick is at his worst. You get the drift.The plot is weak, the action scenes are a joke and John Cena shouldn't be within a 3000 mile radius of a camera(he looks so constipated). This is the type of movie that The Last Action Hero made fun of. Ridiculous action scenes that defy all logic and the corny one-liners spouted in this movie makes the one-liners in Batman and Robin seem hip. Dont waste precious time on this movie. We're talking 92 minutes of pain and suffering. Your eyeballs will roll out of you head because you rolled your eyes so much at the sheer absurdity of this schlocky action flick. John Cena is right when he says that nobody cant see him. Nobody cant see him being a good actor after seeing unfunny action flick. Malibu's Most Unwanted should stick to wrestling. This is the worst WWE film ever made point blank period.