Product: The Mummy Returns [VHS] (2001)
Rating: 1.0
A Divine Comedy
I didn't want to see this movie. I really didn't, but I was dragged into doing do. I already had an acrid taste in my mouth when I sat down in the theater. Thence the film poured forth.This was the second worst movie I've ever seen in theaters, the worst being 'Mission to Mars'. Every single aspect of the film displeased me, from the actors to the script to the special effects.Brendan Fraser leads the cast in this flick and I must say I liked him considerably better when he was frozen inside a block of ice in 'Encino Man'. In fact Pauly Shore would have been more convincing as the hero in this movie. Along with Fraser, 'The Rock' is thrown at us as 'The Scorpion King'. If you don't know who 'The Rock' is, well picture an actual rock being thrown at you and it will almost hurt as much as watching his performance in 'The Mummy Returns'. I'd guess the only reason the guy was cast in this film was to appeal to the wrestling audience. To their dismay though (and my delight) our sedimentary friend only appears once in the beginning and then again at the end, but as a computer-generated man-scorpion. If you think you understand the story by now you don't.The script unfortuantly was no better than the shoddy actors. If you think you understand ancient Egyptian history forget it, because this version is much more painful and exciting. I won't go into the details of the story (I don't want to ruin it for any sadist who might actually buy this movie), but it makes about as much sense as a madlib.Lastly I'll touch on the special effects. When most people go to a movie like this, they don't expect a good story or well-defined characters. They want big explosions, computer-generated dinosaurs, and maybe some full-frontal nudity. The Mummy Returns tries to give you all but the last, and it succeeds. We're presented with a mindless parade of cg mummies, rocket-powered blimps, an army of anubises (what's anubis plural?), and a spectacularily fake looking man-scorpion hybrid. I love pop culture.If you haven't caught on by now, DO NOT BUY THIS MOVIE. If you do hollywood might actually be tempted to make a third flick in this series.