Product: Sextette (1978)
Rating: 1.0
Sexy-comment-tette
Mae West was the ultimate sex symbol in the 1930s and 1940s. She retired from movies in 1943, and only returned in the 1970s. Unfortunately, she seems to have thought that she could simply pick up where she left off.And I'm going to try not to be ageist, but her final film, "Sextette," made me squirm -- it's kind of embarrassing watching the octogenarian West awkwardly creaking out double-entendres at men fifty years younger than herself. But the rest of the story is a mess as well, involving an audio tape, the UN, and secret agents.Movie star/sex symbol Marlo Manners (West) is marrying her sixth husband, British lord Sir Michael Barrington (Timothy Dalton). Their honeymoon is to be spent at a posh hotel, which also happens to be where all the world's leaders are congregating for some kind of conference.And while Sir Michael embarrasses himself for the press, Marlo is approached by a gaggle of her ex-husbands (including a presumed-dead mobster), all of whom are still desperately in love with her. And her evil manager (Dom Deluise) has convinced her to destroy the audio tape of her memoirs... except he keeps fudging it.If you've ever read a bad self-insert fanfic, you pretty much know the feeling that "Sextette" inspires... except it also makes you sad to see a great star looking like an awkward, lecherous mummy. It's all about how Marlo is the sexiest creature alive, and everybody with a Y chromosome -- including men SIXTY YEARS YOUNGER -- desperately wants to have sex with her.Most of the story is devoted just to that. Marlo sashays awkwardly around the hotel, creaking out dialogue mostly made up of double entendres ("Do you get a lot of proposals from your male fans?" "Yeah, and what they propose is nobody's business").But "Sextette" does try to come up with more of a story... and it's a disaster. It's thin as paper and yet horrible convoluted. It tries to cram in wacky comedy, spy thrills and international intrigue, only to hamfistedly try to wrap them up in the silliest way possible. Also, there is singing. Horrible, awkward singing.As I mentioned, it's simply saddening to see Mae West as a hollow shell of herself, slathered in mortar-like makeup and looking somewhat mummified. She's also the only actor in this movie who doesn't look heartily ashamed of herself -- Timothy Dalton, Dom Deluise, Tony Curtis, Alice Cooper and the rest all look vaguely embarrassed, as if they can't remember how they got here."Sextette" is a little like watching your grandmother make a pass at your boyfriend -- embarrassing and horrendously awkward. Just pretend West never came out of retirement.