Product: The Descent (Original Unrated Cut) [Blu-ray] (2006)
Rating: 1.0
Lifetime Movie meets the Golum Family Reunion
This was a lame attempt at ? (Horror, Drama, Action, Sci-Fi) ALL OF THE ABOVE! Basically it's a Lifetime Cable movie that breaks out into the absurd (and it takes 45 minutes of its running 99 minutes to do so). We have the women friends who are adventure seekers that results in a tragic accident and loss, and then the bonding and healing by seeking adventure again together only a year later (over many beers and idle small talk in a cabin -- perhaps a drunken lesbian love fest would have helped the movie at this juncture -- just kidding, okay, maybe not, because the film is that bad). The girls take due diligence in having all proper equipment for a spelunking trip and then not using it (such as Guide Books, or Ropes that connect one another when going through narrow passages). After taking safety precautions for the trip they drive carelessly and at great speeds over muddy narrow mountain roads that could kill them all at the slightest spin-out (again, this is just the beginning of stupid) to get to their destination. Of course, there are (scary, unexplained -- NOT!) animal carcasses, convenient cave-ins of centuries-old rock formations, equipment loss, classic convenient stupidity leading to injury and death, and feeble attempts at sudden frights, such as Bats shooting out of a rocky crevice (ooooh...scary!) PURE LAMENESS! Add to that, Golum (obviously he found a role for him and his family after LOTR), and his family's thirst for blood underground and the poor "helpless" girl victims are there for the taking. On top of it all, the Golum-like creatures are blind, but only conveniently as well when the scene requires them to be blind. UGH!!! I'm guessing the positive reviews here have been written by marketing interns working for the studio or DVD production company. Don't buy the tripe, and don't waste your time. Still Seeking Some Silly Subterranean Screams see "The Boogens" from the 1980's -- a Real B movie that doesn't try to take itself seriously...