Product: Batman Begins (Two-Disc Deluxe Edition) (2005)
Rating: 2.0
Join the "League of Shallow"
Someone actually told me that BATMAN BEGINS was a decent action hero flick. I was leery, to be sure, as I had sat through all those horrific, mind-numbing "Batman" features of a decade ago, yet I was advised to relax; this movie, I was told, was a "thinking man's" action hero yarn--a deep, broad, introspective spectacle of existential proportions. And so I took up my pipe and popped this puppy into the DVD player, thoroughly prepared to discover the dark origins of a comic book legend. Well, to be sure, there were bats, and there was brooding, and there was a sinister, bleak city, and there was some fighting, and some explosions--even a vehicle that reminded me of a high-torque fertilizer spreader--but there wasn't much of anything else. In fact, BATMAN BEGINS turned out to be as shallow as dried bread crust, and just as palatable; this movie grated on my nerves like a marathon session of traffic court. Where do I pay the fine so I can get out of here?Via much fanfare, this movie was heralded as a departure from its batty predecessors. Writer David Goyer and director Christopher Nolan collaborated on the screenplay--an allegedly brilliant manuscript destined to redefine the action hero genre. In all fairness, the writers did attempt to present a story meshing the incompatible elements of realism and super action. They also attempted to present a brooding, troubled Bruce Wayne as he grapples with his inner weaknesses and finds his crime-battling persona. But a wet dog is a wet dog; the makers of this film can apply as many layers of reason they wish, yet this dud still comes across as a monotonous, tedious, unoriginal, been-there-done-that comic book caper. What's worse, the fighting scenes are so constipated they looked like they were choreographed in a phone booth--and sounded like pillow fights. And Batman (played by a wild-eyed Christian Bale), once he puts on his pointy-eared cowl, allows his speech to become so raspy and throaty I swore he swallowed a furrball.Finally, let's go over a roll call of utterly wasted cinematic talent. Liam Neeson. Michael Caine. Gary Oldman. Ken Watanabe. Morgan Freeman. Rutger Hauer. There's some serious talent there, all of it zapped into superficial inconsequence via very one-dimensional, forgettable roles. And Katie Holmes, were you in this movie? Could've fooled me.Alas, if BATMAN BEGINS is the new face of the action hero genre, I'll pass. Two stars for the special features deluxe edition, as the information presented on the second disc is much more entertaining than the film itself. Never a good sign when the special features trump the movie, but that's the case here, as it turns out to be a lot more fun talking about Batman than actually watching him.--D. Mikels