Product: Polar Storm (2009)
Rating: 3.0
One man--and only one man--can save the planet!
A woman in the interrogation room is being questioned by a master interrogator."Would you like a cup of coffee? Something to eat? Maybe a little brie and crackers?" he asks."No, thank you. I don't intend to be here that long," she replies."Why is that, M'am?""Because I will answer all your questions honestly and forthrightly and you'll let me go home," she replies honestly."First question then: Why did you watch 'Polar Storm'?" he queries."Why? Oh why, oh why, oh why, indeed!!! I wish I could say, 'I don't know.' Or better: 'Because I've heard good things about the movie.' Or, well, anything other than the truth, but I promised honesty." She pauses."Well?" he asks."Even though I have satellite TV, that movie was the only thing on, the ONLY thing that looked even vaguely interesting." She breaks down sobbing, embarrassed that she has to admit watching the movie."Why are you crying?""Because I am so embarrassed," she sobs."Why are you so embarrassed?" he asks."Because I thought it was an old sy-fy movie, I mean, really old, like a '50's movie that we kids used to watch at our local movie theater. That would have made it more tolerable. It was written like a cult classic.""M'am, what made it 'like a cult classic'?""Because the thesis was that one man, wait for it--dramatic music--and only one man can save the planet!""How so?" he poses, obviously interested."I'm guessing, but because he was the star of the movie. I know, I know, you want his name. Jack Coleman. ""Never heard of 'im," gruffs the interrogator."Not my fault," the woman replies."So, M'am, what caused this impending end-of-the-world scenario," he asks."A chunk of a huge comet hits with such force that the earth was literally knocked off her axis and had to re-align her magnetic poles. Every time a pulse was sent out from one of 20 or so new poles around the world, all communications were destroyed," the woman explains."Why do you call this movie a cult classic?""Sir, listen to this: When those pulses went out, they roared through cars and fried everything in them--if the engines were on. If the engines were off, people inside were perfectly safe.""If the movie was so cult-ish, why did you watch it to the end?""Couldn't help myself. Ever see a movie so bad you must know how it ends? Well, that's the case here. But, Mr. Interrogator, there's one more incredibly funny thing--""What's that, M'am?""Do you plan to watch the movie? I don't want to give any spoilers," she states."I'm thinking not, based on your answers here tonight," he comments."Here's how that one man, the only man on earth who has a solution for saving the world saves it. He and his father, the only obvious general in the world, plan to go down in the only submarine left in the world, one owned and run by Russians-- See? That's another problem. If the story is current--oh, here's how I know that. This one man's son is wearing earbuds attached to some device not visible....""M'am, the Russians?""Oh yeah, the Russians agree to take the sub down to the bottom of the ocean and launch two 50 megaton bombs with the idea of knocking the earth back onto its right axis. See what I mean? Oh, but that's not all. On their way out of there, they see several volcanoes. This one man in all the world says they will never exit safely unless they move over the top of a volcano and let the power of its explosion blow the sub out of harm's way.""M'am, I see what you mean. You are free to go," the interrogator said, as he washed his hands of the movie."But, Sir, I'm not finished.""Yes, M'am, you are. Go on home now. A little piece of advice--the next time you have 'nothing' to watch, read a book."