Product: Gladiator [VHS] (2000)
Rating: 1.0
We Who Are About to Snooze Salute You
Thus the combatants would have spoken had the Games forced them not to engage in combat mortal but to a much more terrifying fate: to be forced to watch "Gladiator." At over two hours (it only seemed like six and a half), this landmark in cinematic ennui poses only one threat greater than having to watch it: having to watch it again. When Maximus' family is slaughtered in the first 35 minutes, you know that he's not going to be around at the closing credits. And the viewer's mood parallels Maximus' throughout the movie: there's agony and despair all along the way with doom at the payoff. The first twenty minutes of this film earn it its one star. The opening battle scenes are truly thrilling, but only serve to highlight the stupefyingly boring nature of the remaining two hours. If your aim is to overcome a massive case of insomnia, run to see "Gladiator." If entertainment is what you crave, run faster, but run away from this tedious time-waster. Forget the Ides of March, beware any day this stink-bomb explodes on the screen. And, oh yes, by all means, Oscars all around for everyone connected with this gangrenous turkey.