Product: Constantine [Blu-ray] (2012)
Rating: 2.0
Keeanu Reeves proves he really is too cool to act
John Constantine (Keeanu Reeves) is a doomed man. A teenage suicide attempt has left him damned, and no matter how many demons he sends back to hell, he just can't seem to earn himself salvation. Not only that, he's got terminal emphysema. Thus far the role could be a metaphor for Keeanu's career, if he doesn't get over his Matrix persona and start at least pretending to be an actor.The film kicks off with the discovery of the Spear of Destiny, an artifact rumoured to be the spear that killed Jesus. This is followed by the apparently unconnected suicide of Isabel Dodson (Rachel Weisz), though since both events are in the same film, we know they must be related. Isabel's sister Angela (also played by Weisz) is convinced her sister didn't really throw herself off a high rise building, and recruits Constantine's help to find answers. The two discover a conspiracy to unleash evil upon the world using the aforementioned artifact, and when the forces of evil kidnap Angela with the intention of using her as a blood sacrifice, it is of course up to Constantine and his young apprentice to save the day.With Weisz's acting safely confined to a coldly lit pool in a psychiatric hospital, the film is free to degenerate into idiocy as Constantine races against time to save the girl, utterly erasing the line between good and evil in the process. The film does at least stand out with possibly the most mixed up theology I've yet seen exhibited by this genre.The only thing that keeps it alive is Weisz's unbelievably solid performance despite all the obstacles presented to her by script, director and fellow actors. Keeanu doesn't look like he's even tried to get into the character, instead coming across as a wooden, chain smoking version of his Matrix role as Neo Anderson. Make sure you enjoy watching him flick his lighter closed after each cigarette, because it's the only part of his performance worth watching.If you must watch a theological thriller, this does at least step the intelligence up one or two notches from End of Days, but honestly I found Arnie's wooden attempts far more entertaining than Keeanu's stubborn refusal. The best advice I can give you is: don't bother watching theological thrillers at all.