Product: The Mummy Returns [VHS] (2001)
Rating: 1.0
Better off dead.
Unwanted sequel to the worst mummy movie ever made . . . which makes *The Mummy Returns* the worst-worst mummy movie ever made, I suppose. But then, that's no surprise. The astounding (and puzzling) success of the first film guaranteed a sequel, and you can bet the filmmakers felt they had a "mandate" to "top" the other one, meaning: more noise, more preposterous CGI (the pygmy-mummies are, I think, a new low) . . . and, in inverse ratio, LESS credible situations, LESS characterization, etc. I know I'm a voice in the wilderness in this new "culture", which seeks from their cinema entertainment the rough approximate of a roller-coaster ride at Six Flags. I realize the relentless assault of hypnotizing electronic distractions (i.e., video games and such) has made patience obsolete for the kids of today. (I'm referring to the patience requried to sit still and let a story and characters develop.) I understand, believe me, that the old (and therefore useless) art of storytelling is no longer necessary. But I still say that escapist entertainment doesn't have to be so unbelievably stupid, as it is in this movie. The only things I found to be remotely engaging in *The Mummy Returns* were two actors: first, the guy who plays Brendan Fraser's warrior-friend (the one who looks like Cat Stevens), if only because he gets to speak the only good line in the movie: "You have started a chain reaction that could bring about the next apocalypse!" Second, the Mummy's evil girlfriend (name?), who is totally hot. But the presence of Fraser's and Rachel Weisz's "son", portrayed by a child actor who is so annoying that it's almost beyond belief, prevents me from raising my rating from 1 star to 2 stars.