Review: I'm All Tied Up at the Moment
Rating: 4 out of 5
Date: 01 2, 2013
Sex, being the basis upon which humanity has survived and thrived for thousands of years, is a field that gives rise to numerous subgenres: fetishes; paraphilias; etc.---you name it, it's probably been experienced. (Gay clowns, anyone?)As much as I enjoy sex, I tend to prefer one partner at a time. I am conventional enough to appreciate monogomy, and jealous enough to want my lover all to myself. I'm not a fan of sharing my sex life and all that it entails with an increasingly voyeuristic world, and I find it rather rude to do so. (Jesus, what would my mother think?)As such, I will leave my personal peccadilloes (and those of my partner) out of public conversation and off Facebook and Twitter.Sorry, I'm not Kanye West. Or Hugh Hefner.With that in mind, there's something to be said for the world of BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominant, submissive, sadism, masochism). We live in a world of rules that, depending upon where one lives, influence our attitudes about lifestyle, religion, politics, economics, and which sports team to support.Sex is no different in this regard.All of us are sexual creatures. We live our lives seeking physical and emotional intimacy to varying degrees that ebb and flow over time. What we may have been able to do in our twenties may not necessarily apply to us when we reach forty. Same thing applies when we hit our sixth, seventh---even eighth decade.So we adjust accordingly.Each of us develops certain tastes that enrich our adult sexual experiences and heighten the omnipresent desire resulting from such scenarios. As consenting adults, what pleases us and leaves us cold are manifestations of human beings' uniqueness; no two individuals or sexual tastes are alike.Being able to express sexuality in an open manner with your partner is one of the greatest experiences two human beings can have. Connecting on a deeper emotional level is indicative of strong ties with one another and helps reinforce the bonds (no pun intended) of communication.Sandra Ross has written a paean to those who enjoy the excitement and titillation that the BDSM world offers. In "Slippery Trust," she introduces us to Jenny and Wayne, a married couple who practice an "open relationship" and enjoy participating in what would be considered a swingers' lifestyle: threesomes; gay and lesbian experiences; voyeurism; and other similar paraphilias, all fueled by liberal use of cocaine and alcohol.Jenny and Wayne share intimate encounters with Frank and Bella, another couple whose taste for alternative sexual experiences rivals only their own unusual preferences. Ross gradually exposes the reader to the growing emotional intimacy that develops between Jenny and Bella, which leaves one to wonder: does Jenny participate to truly please Wayne and satisfy his massive ego, or does she truly enjoy Bella's company to the point of identifying as a lesbian, or bi at the very least?"Trust" provides the reader a glimpse into the BDSM universe and proffers the opportunity to educate oneself about the lifestyle. Being able to maintain an open mind about certain experiences is certainly challenging, especially if someone has never been exposed to things such as leather masks, satin ropes, fringed crops, thigh-high patent-leather stiletto-heeled boots, and the like.Ultimately, it comes down to making informed choices about such fetishes.Additionally, the emotional and psychological issues that can develop if certain personal boundaries are crossed are a perfect chance for open discussion about why people have different reactions to certain situations. It's very important for couples to recognize what these parameters are and to seek out mutually satisfying solutions so as to minimize any negative experiences that may arise.So why should those who enjoy BDSM---or anything else deemed "alternative" for that matter---have dissimilar experiences to what us vanilla people encounter?I guess I adhere to more conventional methods of sex and romance: movies; hand-holding; gentle kisses; dinner dates; good conversation. It's what I like and enjoy, and it makes me feel good to be able to make an intimate intellectual and emotional connection with my partner. This is terrific foreplay for me.I freely admit that BDSM makes me squeamish. Ropes, love cuffs, gags, leather, the works---not my idea of a good time. However, it's not my place to condemn responsible, emotionally stable adults should they choose to crack a fringed whip upon other peoples' backsides.To each his own. (Or her own.) As the French would declare: Vive la difference!"Trust" makes for an enlightened, interesting read for people who prefer conventional sex without having to actually partake of gags and blindfolds. It is certainly a niche book, perfect for those who truly take delight in the BDSM lifestyle and all that it offers.