Review: Please stop chuckling!
Rating: 2 out of 5
Date: 08 26, 2013
This book started out with an interesting premise: time travel and its ramifications.Great idea, but the author needs some maturity, both in her writing and in her characters. There was no explanation given as to how the travelers were able to travel through time, or what allowed some people to be able to when others were not. No reason for the main characters to be inseparably in love, other than attraction to each other's looks. The main characters can see and touch the time travelers, although nobody else can see them. And apparently nobody has ever bumped into an invisible person on the bus or in a restaurant, even though they (time travelers) are able to touch objects and eat in the 'other' dimension...pick up a piece of food (an apple or french fry)and it disappears, but hug the visible girlfriend and she doesn't disappear, nor do the chairs they're sitting on. The characters are teens who think they're mature enough for a sexual relationship, and yet they say things like, "Ew," when discussing the possibility of having children.That's just the plot development. I'm going to list the things that repeatedly pulled me out of the story, and I hope this doesn't sound mean, but this is the only way an author is going to develop his or her skills: know what you've done wrong.First, if you're going to use a word, know what it means. "Sullen" is not the word to describe how sad your parents are when they're seeing you off at the airport. They're not mad, they're sad. Sullen could have been the proper word if their actions backed it up. Next, there is an all-purpose tape many people use, called "duct" tape. Nobody gets wrapped up in "duck" tape. It's not even made from real ducks. And I would hate to be the young man who smoothed his hand down his girlfriend's "bear" arms. If there was an "ew" needed in the book, it was in that very spot. And the word "wince" was used a large number of times, but only half of those times used correctly. I winced every time I read that something "winced" the main character, Lyra. She repeatedly hears or feels things that "wince" her, and I'm not entirely sure what that's supposed to look like. A wince is a facial expression. Things can't wince you any more than they can frown you.Second, if your hero is good-looking, you don't need to keep telling us. I will never forget that Zack has GREEN eyes. Dark green eyes. Why? Because his eye color (along with alluring, stunning, gorgeous, etc.) was mentioned no less than 25 times. I get it; his eyes are nice. And they're green.The third thing was the most common problem: nobody simply spoke to each other. They gasped, they whispered, they breathed. They breathed so much that I couldn't stand seeing the word "breathed" or "breath" another time. Who wants to hear that much about someone's breath? But mostly, they sputtered and they chuckled. In fact, they chuckled and sputtered so much that I did a word count. Somebody sputtered at least 20 times (and usually, it was out of place -- not a situation where someone was flustered or startled or excited) and the chuckling occurred 160 times. Yes, one hundred sixty times, in a book that was slightly more than 300 pages. Much like the sputtering, the chuckling was not usually in a situation where chuckling was warranted. Certain words can only be used a limited number of times in a book of average length, and I would say "chuckled" is one of those that hits its usage limit after about the fifth time.If the plot and its details had been fleshed out more, the book might have lived up to its premise. However, it still would have needed many pairs of eyes to review it prior to publishing in order for it to truly be better. I can't help but think someone -- at least one person -- would have asked, "What is so funny that people are chuckling all over the place here?" and the book could then have been improved.Please keep writing. You have good ideas. But there's a reason for the old adage, "The devil is in the details."