Review: Could have been better
Rating: 2 out of 5
Date: 06 3, 2012
I am glad this was a short read. The intrigue in the story was good enough for me to keep reading, but there were definitely some problems. There were too many spelling errors to count. The writer jumped from writing in past tense to writing in present tense. The dialogue was rather childish.There were errors in some of the content. A man would not spend time and money to build a house then not bother at all to furnish it properly. He would not have thrown a grenade at the door and given the attackers better access to the inside. The story jumps from them investigating to the house being attacked to the FBI taking over the investigation. The FBI would not decide that the characters are to play dead after Josh shoots up the getaway vehicle. A person as adept with firearms as Dana would not have to be told to put a bullet into the chamber of the gun. A man who is trained to fight will not volunteer his qualifications just to scare someone off.As for the romance aspect of it, the writer does absolutely nothing to build up the romance. They act as friends and investigate together. When they have been put in hiding, he just ups and tells her that he likes her and she says that she likes him back, as if they were in high school.This is a decent effort, but the writer has a ways to go before being good.