Review: Needs revision
Rating: 2 out of 5
Date: 12 11, 2013
Couldn't get past the first few chapters. I know some reviewers can be cruel and thought I'd see for myself. The tenses seemed all mixed up. When writing in the present continuous you must be careful, especially first person.The sex scene in chapter two moved a little too fast. What I mean is there are really no details. Ricky was behind the bar, how did her grab her feet? What happened between him mixing the liquor and their first physical contact? Was she in her underwear? Because next thing, he crooks in his finger in her panties, we need details.Sex scenes, no matter how impromptu should have a build-up. A sex scene which happens within fifteen minutes of meeting can have 1000 words of content. The writer should portray not only what they are physically feeling but what they are also thinking. It would have a been a better scene if she had reservations, she thought getting intimate with a guy so soon was not right. Her body conflicting her mind...sort of thing.If I do read the rest, I will update this review. Hopefully it gets better.