Review: Promising author, needs more work
Rating: 2 out of 5
Date: 05 26, 2014
I hate giving negative reviews. Elyssa Patrick worked really hard to produce this work, and I do not like that it seems I'm coming along just to dump on it. Because that's not the point of this at all. I read 2-3 books a day on the weekends, a book a day during the week (it's not that hard, considering how short Kindle books have become). I pull of all different genres, too. In short, I have an open mind.<<SPOILER ALERT>> As a negative review, this has spoilers in it. I'm sorry, it's unavoidable with a negative review. So, if you like the author and really want to read this book, stop now. If you're on the fence and do not mind plot mentions, continue on.This isn't the first book from Patrick I've read; started with Four Weddings and a Break-up. It was a pretty decent offering, good story, interesting characters, and made me laugh out loud several times, which is why I decided to try another, As You Wish. By the way, what's with the book title? It doesn't fit at all.The biggest issue I have is how off-putting the male lead, Aubry, is. There's hard-edged and then there's a jerk; Aubry is definitely the latter. If the guy you were interested in said your kiss was-among other things-unappealing, would you immediately let him give chase, then listen to a verbal lesson in kissing, much less let HIM kiss YOU? No. I'm not a hitter, but before the humiliation sets in, I'd give it my best shot at knocking him on his rear. And that's the nicest of the horrible things he said to Portia. What else was going on in his life? I don't give a crap. He's such a jerk, it was very difficult for me to push through to see if he is able to redeem himself. Later on, when he's "made amends" (and it must be bad if I'm using quotes in my own review), his internal monologue suggests at the two-faced nature of his personality. Agreeable on the outside, actions and words bespeak a selfish means to an end, and rude and obnoxious on the inside. The perfect example is when they're at the tree farm. What does he say in his head in response to his six year old?  F Santa (but with the whole expletive that I can't even mask for Amazon's liking.). I think it was supposed to be funny, but it really was not.OK, I need to add a disclaimer. I don't mind harsh language or extremely detailed sex scenes. I'm not a prude and have an open mind. I love jokes, even dirty ones, and have a sense of humor (George Carlin, rest in peace, was the funniest man EVER); I even find pranks that do not harm others funny. But that scene was not funny.Portia started off great. Based on the first couple chapters, I thought she'd be quirky and charming, but fell back into the same old, same old. Ooooh, she's a huge fan and knows all his dirty laundry, and has a huge crush, blah, blah, blah. Her only twist is SHE is the one with commitment issues. Tell me, how can you have problems with commitment, when you desperately crave the good opinion of everyone around you AND you've tied your life to a failing business that you refuse to give up on, yet refuse to ask for help with? I'm no psychologist, but the dichotomy of one's personality into commitment-phobe and ultimate people-pleaser seems contradictory to me. One final point on that: other than at the end, what hints does she give Aubry she's afraid of commitment? NONE. That just does not sit well with me. People who don't commit show it, they don't hide it.Speaking of failing businesses...the second biggest issue: the plot. The "obstacles" (again with the quotes) are cookie-cutter and blah. Sorry, I need to find another word for blah. Bland? Cliche? Dull? Insipid...oh, that's Portia. Tedious and tiresome. Yeah, that would be Aubry. But I digress...meanwhile, back at the non-existent plot, as another reviewer noted, Portia's obstacle was so garbled in the delivery, you literally have to shut your brain OFF in order to swallow it. Her shop is in trouble, she has a lease, but is behind, and if she doesn't pay what's owed, then the landlord will be in trouble with the bank and they will buy up the mortgage and sell it off...what? Later, she has to pre-pay a huge amount...huh? Editor, they name is incompetent. How did you let that pass?The biggest sin isn't just how incomprehensible the whole issue is presented, it's how it's solved. My biggest pet peeve in stories: deus ex machina. God of the machine. An old plot device used by Ancient Greek and Roman playwrights to solve impossible problems, which involves a deity swooping down to save the day. Time for a wake-up call folks: this is not 400 B.C. and you are not Aeschylus (Yes, I was a lit major and specialized in Ancient Greek lit.). Think out your story and do something original with it. Even the delivery of the miracle is negligent: "Oh, here's a check for all the money you need, plus more..." delivered with a shrug, a hand flap, and only half of the character's attention. I'll give you one even better: she basically TELLS us as soon as the news is delivered of her impending doom that it will take a miracle to save her shop. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!Next negative mark: weaved throughout the story is a secondary plot between the best friend and one of Portia's brothers. Honestly, I'd rather read about the friend and brother than Portia and Aubry. Why burn pages on a second plot when you could spend more time fleshing out the main characters, coming up with better (i.e., real) obstacles, and genuine solutions? Save Laura and Flinn for a contemporaneous novella. Ugh.One last thing. In the winter, IT SNOWS IN VERMONT. Where there's snow, there will be cold temperatures. GET. OVER. IT. Do we have to read it every other line? I know Aubry is from L.A., but on top of being a jerk (substitute expletive), does he have to be such a thin-skinned whiny brat (substitute expletive) too?