Review: Mixed Feelings, But A Powerful Read
Rating: 4 out of 5
Date: 08 13, 2013
Let me start off by saying that this was a well-written book, a powerful book, and at times a truly moving one.But I have mixed feelings about it. It is about coming out - or more accurately, not coming out, or fully coming out, until later in life. But it is also a book about cowardice and fear.I understand the whole issue of living scared of being discovered, of being labelled a pervert, of being gay-bashed and hated. I understand it, first-hand. After all, when I went through that process in the early-to-mid 1960's, things were even worse than today. If you even came on to the wrong man, you could (and would) be arrested and jailed and exposed on the front page of the local paper.And gay-bashing? It wasn't the exception. For most young gays living outside the metropolitan areas, it was an expectation. Happened to me three times.And still today, as the book points out so movingly, kids are still killing themselves when our technologically-enabled bullies spread their hate all over the Internet. The curse of Facebook is how easily and quickly the life of a young LGBT or questioning kid can be brought down around his or her ears.But the frustrating part of this book is how these two guys spend most of it torpedoing their relationship - intentionally. Even after coming out, they both spend most of their effort and energy trying to be as straight as possible so that people still won't know. As if they didn't. And it takes a death for them to face up to themselves and each other after half-a-lifetime of embracing unhappiness.I know that what the author writes is true. It happens. But, thank God, most of us who have gone through this terribly painful, but liberating, process still manage to function as adults, and even celebrate who we are, from time to time. Quite simply, we grow up. At some point, most of us simply get angry enough to refuse to be a victim of the closet any more. Not these two, who embrace their unhappiness as not only their lot, but their due.As I wrote when I started this review, this book is extremely well-written. The dialog, both internal and external is thoroughly believable (although there is not enough of it - most of the story is told through exposition) and revealing of the characters who speak the lines.But to me, it was also a frustrating read. I kept wanting to shake the characters and say "stop feeling sorry for yourselves and get a damned life!". And each time I did, I remembered the scars I still carry from a youth of fears and loneliness and thank Heaven it really did get better.Had this book been written about characters in their early twenties, I'd call it near-perfect.Nonetheless, I recommend it highly. The topic is important and the insights are excellent and invaluable.