Review: Great story, but badly needs editing
Rating: 3 out of 5
Date: 06 5, 2014
Mural II is fantasy/horror/thriller that was given to me to review. The story starts with a 16th century Portuguese ship (presumably caravel) being shipwrecked on the British Columbia coast, where the survivors see something horrible. The story then moves to current time where some cavers discover an artefact deep inside a cave, and . . .  well, let's not spoil this. What we have is something that conceptually is right up there with Stephen King, and the author has considerable skill in building up to a climax. Unfortunately, there is also a tendency to leave that hanging, as if the author does not know how to get the characters out of the holes he has created for them, and there is a tendency to switch scenes and start again. I would have preferred to see linking sections. Thus when a group of characters are taken to northern Canada, why did they go? What made all of them get on the aircraft?In addition, the concept is let down with some writing that badly needs editing. The ship refuelled at a Spanish island (Caravels might take on fresh supplies of food and water, but they do not refuel,) and went through the Panama canal. (Not in the 16th century, it didn't.) These are silly things, and if totally scratched out it would make no difference. There is a tendency to over-write, thus . . . flash lights sent laser beams . . .  Then later "It was in the nick of time and they just managed, by the skin of their teeth . . ." "they had fought tooth and nail"  all in three lines! The author also slips in comments, thus when Vladimir has Samantha unconscious and wired to the artefact, he is more than once described as a mad scientist. What is particularly sad about this is that just about all of these faults could be remedied simply with a red pen. There are also some words that should be changed, thus a character "dosed off". I assume dozed was meant.To summarize, I thought the concept was startlingly good, the ability to create a steady build-up to a climax excellent, and if the text were to be properly edited, this would be a winner.