Review: Looking at a new start
Rating: 5 out of 5
Date: 03 29, 2014
On the last Friday in January my husband told me he didn’t love me anymore. Now, I call that day my "End of the World." I broke down in a million little pieces.The first reactions were how could it happen to me? How did I not see this coming? Poor me, etc. Luckily, I found the right help in this book—sound, life changing, insightful advice. It gave me the strength to do two things: keep my marriage together and improve it. As the book says, you won’t have the first thing without the other for very long.After my husband said he wanted a separation, I came to realize after reading the book that I wouldn’t keep my marriage together if I didn’t find a way to make it better sooner rather than later.The first chapter—How Will You Handle This Challenge? Why Acceptance of the Situation Is Critical to Restoring Your Marriage was an eye-opener. I had always resisted my husband’s attitude about spending money. I grew up in a family that always handled finances in one way that was different than the way he grew up. This difference in our approaches affected everything about our relationship—our friendship, our vacations and even our physical intimacy.The book uses examples and stories that greatly simplify concepts and make them real and concrete, rather than relying on pop psychology which is so common in other books. What helped us reduce the friction was the book’s example of the relationship between a college tennis player and her coach, and how the player could only improve her performance on the court after she ACCEPTED that she needed her coach’s feedback to improve her game.In a similar way it was only when my husband and I learned to respectfully accept each other’s opinions without criticism that we could move past many of our disagreements and look for areas we agree on to improve our marriage.The book has been great in helping us focus on what we like about each other. This has led to more quality time together without the negativity to which we’d been used to for so long.An idea that hit home with me was that my marriage could improve in small steps that I can take, even if my husband doesn’t want to try anything new. But it’s up to ME to take those small steps and I can’t wait for him to do anything.The book was wonderful because without it my husband and I would have for sure split up. Now we’re looking at a new start.