Review: Needs work
Rating: 2 out of 5
Date: 12 5, 2013
The story line was interesting but the writing was juvenile and it needed a lot of paraphrasing.  The story could have been better if there was better character development and the dialog wasn't so stilted.  To me the point of a dialog is to add to the character development, but it didn't do that, plus it was mostly a narration with some descriptive phrases that to me just didn't work. I understand when an author tries to use uncommonly used words to describe but some just sounded redundant, for example "the rounds of her curves", we know curves are just that, rounded, and in the context it was used just sounded awkward.  Another descriptive use which to me sounded wrong was "his nature", the author was talking about his penis, there are way more other words to use, and the context it was used was to describe a sexual scene, it just did not fit.  Those where the ones that just stuck in my head as wrong.  Anyways, I believe the author has potential, they just have to paraphrase and the need of a larger vocabulary would get the message across without making it sound juvenile.  The story wasn't complete and it tries to make you purchase the next installment, but I was not enthralled enough to be bothered.  I might try this author in the future but only if they improve in the writing.