Review: Needs Streamlining...
Rating: 3 out of 5
Date: 11 17, 2012
Sorry, VT... I'd love to give it a five-star, but it's just too damned distracting.  All the excessive verbiage gets in the way of the extremely hot plot.  FAR too many paired-opposing adjectives, and a great many of them misused or inappropriately applied as well.  Almost as if you were being paid by the word, and jammed as many descriptive ones in as humanly possible.On the other hand... lava-hot storyline.  My favorite cuck stories are the ones told first-person by the cuckold himself, with emphasis on the internal struggle between his frantic lust and gut-twisting jealousy and pain. As with so many other things, it's all in the balance. A superb example of this is David McManus' "Reluctant Cuckold."I'd dearly love to read a cleaned-up, streamlined version of this story.  It's so easy to go too far either way; not enough "stage-setting" with descriptors and mood-setters, yielding a sterile atmosphere, or too many descriptors, making for a ponderous, stilted read.  Once again, it's in the balance.  Choose your words lovingly, like fine tools.  Use them sparingly, and choose for maximum effect.  It's better to say a lot in very few words than it is to say not very much in dozens of words.That said, I really like the story; it's the style of writing that inserts itself between the reader and the story.Authors to check out for examples: David McManus (only the one story, alas, but what a story!), Sara Desmarais, Alex Hathaway, and Audrey Bocklin.  There are others, but for me personally, these names continually rise to the top when evaluating the quality of writing.You show a lot of promise; keep at it, and consider this a semi-finished product; with a bit more editing and polish, it'll be a true gem!