Review: Before Learning the Tricks, Learn the Boundaries
Rating: 4 out of 5
Date: 11 21, 2012
Many years ago, while in the throes of adolescence, I remember having a crush on a girl named Patty. (Excuse me---Patricia.) She was a cute little thing: blond hair, glasses, cute smile as only a fourteen-year-old girl could present. She and I shared the same English and social studies classes. I remember I sat about four rows in front of her, and I was always craning my neck around at every opportunity to catch a glimpse of her and to see if her cute little smile would break out if she happened to catch my eye.I was absolutely smitten with this Polish-American beauty. (Well, beauty as can be best evaluated by my hormone-laden young male heterosexual perspective.)Eventually, after pining for her affections over the course of two years, I screwed up the courage to call her up one summer afternoon in 1984 to ask her out on a date. (A date? What, pray tell, constituted a date in a fourteen-year-old boy's mind? Pizza and a make-out session? Atari video games? Reading Mad magazines? Pfft.)Well, the object of my affection answered on the third or fourth ring (remember, this was before iPhones and email were even a thought), and in a quavering voice, I asked her out. She mentioned something about having to cook dinner for her parents and then told me she liked another kid in our class named Mark.I must have mumbled some sort of a "thanks, anyway" and hung up. Talk about a major letdown. Yet in retrospect, it was but one bump on my life journey in the world of relationships and the varying degrees of intensity and intimacy that have been integral in my own love life.If only the vagarities of relationships and other levels of unrequited and realized love came with foolproof instructions!All these years later, my own sense and understanding of the complex human situation known as love and intimacy is still being molded. In the world of Russ (limited as it is), each new relationship starts with a tabula rasa (blank slate) upon which all subsequent mutual and personal experiences are recorded. Stephen Williams has written a book entitled "Undress a Girl: Learn the Tricks to Have Some Peeks," which addresses the intense physical longing that men have for their partner at the start of a new relationship. Williams asserts that, in order for a man to be able to view "her coveted assets the fun way," he would be wise to commit several different approaches to memory in order to make her feel safe and comfortable enough to be naked before him.But what exactly does that mean?This is where Williams gets slightly vague. He does place a high level of emphasis in "Tricks" upon the woman's physical attributes; this is the nakedness that is obvious and generally at the forefront of most mens' minds. However, it could be construed that being naked could equal being emotionally vulnerable, which, according to most relationship experts and social psychologists, is the crux of establishing a critical emotional and psychological connection with a woman. For any man worth his moral and emotional integrity, having that deeper relationship is part of a woman's core personal belief system. (Most men, on the other hand, have been conditioned to place strong emphasis upon a woman's looks and seem to be psychologically and physiologically hardwired to desire sex on a more visceral and visual level.)"Tricks" is a well-meaning book, and Williams does make a conscientious effort to put a light-hearted spin on his techniques for seducing and bedding a woman. The book, however, could have paid more careful attention to the importance of personal, sexual, and emotional boundaries that are always key to any solid communication between couples. Nonetheless, "Learn the Tricks" is a good read for all people (not just men), and Williams purports himself fairly well throughout its pages.