Review: The Dating Game or the Waiting Game?
Rating: 4 out of 5
Date: 12 22, 2012
I still wonder if "The Dating Game" re-runs still figure prominently on the Game Show Channel.For some strange reason, suddenly reminiscing about the much-lampooned half-hour show hosted by the intrepid Jim Lange (he of "Name That Tune" fame) made me yearn for a time when going on a date with the opposite sex was a relatively benign endeavor.Having come of age in the 1980s, I grew up in a time when dating another person was not as straightforward as those my age may have deluded themselves into thinking. This was a time when the spectre of AIDS had thrust itself into the forefront of daily life. Suddenly, "What's your sign?" meant more than being a Capricorn---it meant recognizing the signs and symptoms of sexually transmitted diseases.Free love now had a price.In retrospect, the last thirty years have brought about an ever-changing paradigm in the way people think about, discuss, and experience sex. For the most part, it's been primarily positive. The CDC in Atlanta has been able to secure more and better funding for HIV research. Depending upon where you live, sex education is starting at an earlier age, despite pressure from right-wing religious wackjobs to cease and desist with such obstreperous communist-inspired drivel. Advances in treatment allow those presently infected with HIV to live longer, healthier, highly productive lives. We're at the point where HIV-positive individuals, such as Magic Johnson and Greg Lougainis, treat any and all symptoms much like a cold sore: the virus is permanently inside them; there's no cure as of yet; they take all necessary health precautions to avoid any flare-ups or outbreaks of symptoms that lie dormant within.People are not necessarily dying from HIV---they're living with it.I'm not equating the dating scene with HIV. Far from it---such a pandemic has given people a perfect forum for discussing how to safely negotiate love, intimacy and sex in an appropriate and straightforward manner. It would be criminal not to do so. (Indeed, it's criminal in some states to knowingly infect someone with HIV.)Despite the universal presence of HIV, the desire for sex still prevails. And people are still dating. People continue to feel each other out (no pun intended), testing intimate boundaries, stumbling and fumbling in bedrooms and backseats of vehicles as their parents and grandparents did before them.So, too, do Sandra Ross's protagonists in "Playing the Not-Dating Game." Debra and Jared are two college students who have classes and music in common, and Debra takes advantage of Jared's reticent nature to ask him to accompany her to a John Mayer concert. They are fairly good friends, although neither will admit to secretly harboring a desire to make love to each other. Both use the guise of platonic friendship to mask the undercurrent of sexual tension that is evident from the first chapter in the author's book, as revealed by Debra not wanting "to reveal how excited she was" at getting Jared to go to the concert, and that, in her eyes, he was also "a hottie" (ch. 1). This serves to undercut the facade of "non-dating" that is rapidly crumbling as the evening wears on.Some might refer to such a relationship as having friends with benefits. Some might also object strenuously to such an arrangement as it negates the alleged ideal dating process perpetuated by our elders and the boob tube: boy and girl meet; become friends; listen to Pat Boone and Johnny Mathis records; shyly exchange kisses and chocolate phosphates at the local malt shop; exchange letterman's sweaters and get pinned; go to college; get degrees; get engaged; get married.Get real.Eisenhower's dead; records are found in the county clerk's office; phosphates are in shampoos; getting pinned means you lost the wrestling match; and no young person whom I know even listens to, much less knows, who Pat Boone and Johnny Mathis are. (I know who they are, but that's beside the point.)As the review's title suggests, couples who agree to date exclusively may want to consider all potential pitfalls that inevitably arise in a new relationship. One or both partners may not necessarily be able to handle the emotional consequences of intimacy, let alone sex. It takes open communication, honesty and tact to be able to pursue and maintain a solid relationship that is mutually satisfying for both. In this regard Debra and Jared have nothing to lose because they are both willing to take chances despite their words and body English. Jared may be the quieter of the two; however, Debra's skillful manipulation of the situation, plus copious amounts of booze, persuade the former to develop diarrhea-of-the-mouth to such an extent that Debra is able to steer the conversation to something else they have in common---sex and a lustful urge to knock boots.Aside from the occasional annoying grammatical error in usage and tense, Ross writes rather well and allows her characters within "Not-Dating" to develop at a nice even pace, unfolding in front of the reader as emotions are plumbed for deeper intimacy and a more solid connection between Jared and Debra.Even if they never appeared with Jim Lange on his show, they'd be deserving of a decent door prize.