Review: Nothing Happened
Rating: 1 out of 5
Date: 07 3, 2012
****SPOILER ALERT **** (as if there's anything to spoil about the non-existent plotline)I too have spent years in academia. However, this isn't a satire. It's not funny at all, unless you are amused by theater of the absurd. Nothing actually happens. The characters talk about their situations endlessly, a la "Waiting for Godot."This is the complete contents:1. Two professors are hired by a fictional college (Famous Union College, F.U.C., haha)2. Professor Will Ferris, with a fresh PhD, is hired to administer the freshman writing program and teach freshman comp classes. He discovers that the program and his classes have been cancelled. He has a 2 year contract which is ironclad so he can't leave. The administration doesn't seem to be concerned that he is being payed to do absolutely nothing. Ferris is upset that he isn't teaching even though he's getting paid, and is distraught constantly and repeatedly through the whole book.3. Professor Alexander Smith, PhD, a Chaucer "scholar" with 5 years of teaching experience, discovers his classload is 5 courses with a total of 160 graduate students. He also discovers that Ferris is making $5000 more a year than he is. He is unhappy about his class load and his lower pay and complains constantly and repeatedly about it through the whole book.4. Coach Denton has a losing football team. He regularly  begs for more money so he can give his players more perks in the hope that they will become better players. He is regularly denied and is constantly and repeatedly stressed out about it.6. There are side stories that contribute nothing to the main story (such as it is) but include people angsting constantly and repeatedly about their own situations.7. For the big finale, the president of the college explains that due to budget problems, either the writing program or the football program had to be cut. It was decided to cut the writing program because the students come to the college unable to write anyway (haha).8. The coeds are all beautiful, sexy, and empty-headed.9. There is no character development. None of the characters are likeable, let alone evoke sympathy.That's the entire book. Don't waste your time actually reading it.