Review: good story
Rating: 2 out of 5
Date: 07 8, 2012
This story is told with descriptive prose that lends to imagery that is vivid.  The premise is interesting (while a tad predictible).  The writer presents the tale cohesively without a bunch of contrived conveniences to further her plot devices.  It is likely this author (as she hones her skills related to structure) will do well.The author needs address the formatting issues that cause her italicized words to run into the next word making them one).  As this was a consistent error - I believe is a formatting issue -  rather than author error.  I am not sure how one would correct such. But, it is distracting to read as it happens with some frequency.Issues encountered :This work was not edited or not edited properly:The dialogue for 80% is not punctuated at all.  10% of rest is missing some punctuation.  8% of remaining is incorrectly punctuated.  A mere 2% is punctuated properly with regard to dialogue bits.  Non dialogue quotes are almost all incorrectly punctuated or missing punctuation.  Dialogue of two people occur in one paragraph - lending confusion to direction in conversation.Other punctuation is missing (causing run on sentences) or misused (ellipsis) or incorrect punctuation used all together.  There are even sentences punctuated with two punctuation marks (?.  ,...  . . ").Wrong words used:  late for later, he for the, etc.  Words ran together (other than format issue) - "didcottage"  There were errant letters within text ("single bulb t and a; "spotted the old a neon sign with half the tubes were burnt out").  Toni is also written as Tony.Inconsistencies within tale:They ate chicken soup out of the can...not really believable due to Mamie and her comportment wherein she iron sheets, dressed for dinner each night (down to shoes that matched her suit) and the new linen tablecloth used nightly in a near formal dinner service manner.  (This is not a huge issue - just when added up, they are (overall) too much).  Hemingway Point is alternately described as a half mile, quarter mile then half mile away.  Daniel and Jesse were sitting opposite each other (viewing each other across the fire) yet merely edged themselves together to touch shoulder to arm.  Daniel says, "I'll be back soon." The sound of his voice saying her name had Jesse all a quiver.  However, he never said her name.  Jess (as adult back at cottage) thinks to self that "she really couldn't stand Toni, had never liked her." Yet Jess of 17 "felt a swell of hopefulness as they had been fast summer friends" when she is hearing the Toni Miller girl might be about.There are many, many more issues like the few I point out specifically here.  The drawback to a fine tale, told in a good voice with well fleshed and believable characters is horrendous lack of grammar and punctuation.Many will enjoy this tale and will overlook the poor presentation due to story.  I just cannot get past the errors that reduced reading pleasure and stilted the pacing.Christine