Review: The story is good, but the writing needs serious improvement
Rating: 3 out of 5
Date: 09 16, 2012
Let me start off by saying that I began reading the uncorrected version and kept with it until about 33% of the story. I was very disappointed by the many misspellings, word misuse, lack of punctuation and a whole lot of other editing problems.So then I thought that I'd upload me the newer (proofed) version. I honestly couldn't see any difference, except that the chapters now bore the POV name. If that could be counted as improvement, okay, but it isn't such in my book.Still though, I think that this story is unique in a way that in my experience so far the worlds of the werewolves and fae hadn't been mixed in together. And also, I sort of liked the plot, it definitely kept me going. But, there was a huge problem with almost all the characters. They sounded completely unrealistic, their dialogue was way overdone, and I found myself rolling my eyes most of the time. There was also the problem of the development... it was slow. Very slow.Yet, the book has potential, and I'm sure of this because by the end of it I found myself wanting more. I seriously got intrigued, and I think I'd be asking for the next installment's review copy. The main reason for that is the one character who completely got to me. And what's weird is that her chapters were fairly clean of errors. I mean, seriously! You'd be surprised how well developed that person and her chapters are!I also noticed inconsistencies throughout the chapters. Let me account for several:1) The monster that Kay meets is first a dog, then a mountain lion. So which one is it really?2) On the night Kay sees the wolves outside her window, she says it's pitch black, but then she notices that one of the wolves has brilliant emerald green eyes? How did she do it?3) While at Nick's house, Kay's taken to a room full with lit candles. But then we're told that the room is pitch black and she can't see anything in it? Umm...Another problem that I noticed, and it sort of interrupted the flow of the story, is that in almost every sentence of the dialogue, the characters talk to each other using their names. Even if in a particular scene there are just two people, they still refer to each other by name. Like "Okay Nick. I believe you're right." and he responds then "I told you so Kay." and then "Yeah, I know you did Nick, but still. Oh, and by the way Nick..." blah blah. You see what I mean? And that's in every scene, and it's done by each of the characters. It's very irritating.Anyway, so here are my thoughts on the main characters:*Kay - firstly, I don't think that name suits the girl at all. I mean, if she were just an ordinary girl, sure it would do. But try saying out loud Princess Kay... sounds too simple, too short, don't you think? I believe that Kayla would've been a much better choice. Princess Kayla... has a special ring to it. Anyways, what I have to say about her is that she's supposed to be stubborn, but to me she felt as a silly girl. Her reasoning was off, and her behavior was irrational. And let's add unrealistic to the list since we're here anyway. When she has to trust a person, she doesn't, and when it's obvious that she's been set up.. well she believes the lies. She didn't strike me as brave or clever. I'd rather say she was shallow and unsculpted, but her race's survival is supposed to depend on her...*Ryan - the Summer Court prince, was just as unrealistic both in action and dialogue. He was described as this gorgeous guy, and smart and stuff, but all he shows is some recklessness and a ton of jealousy towards a girl he'd just met.*Nick - he's a werewolf who, oddly, has also fallen for Kay. Whatever those boys saw in her is beyond me, truly. Anyways, he's perfectly aware that he can't have anything romantic to do with a fae princess, and he's still trying. Seriously? How dumbstruck must he be not to just give up and try his chances elsewhere?*Kira - now that's a girl. Kira's the one character that had me turning the pages. She was realistic, she was brave, she had guts. She had no clue who or what she was, being raised by a brutal idiot, but she still found in herself the strength to go on. To plan a revenge even. I loved that girl, for who she was. I didn't pity her - I loved her. I'm glad that there was a person just for her.I'm going to close the review here. But before I do that, I'd like to say that I do recommend this book, but you should read it after it's properly edited.