Review: Needs Some Polishing, But Great Potential
Rating: 3 out of 5
Date: 03 11, 2014
I really like where Violet Haze is going with the plot, but the story is lacking substance. I love reading erotica and novels with pleasure elements and unfortunately "For the Night (Luna, #1)" does not excite me like some others I've read. That does not mean there isn't plenty of potential.The strengths of Luna as a character are that she is honest about her sexual appetite and lifestyle with no shame or remorse and that she is also a business woman, who can be professional and educated. She shows great independence and self confidence which is something a lot of women are afraid to portray so openly in sexual instances. I did find her a little too quick to the dramatic, however, with her constant shock, and surprise, as well as her quick dramatic exit after her encounter with Tobias as Luna. I understand Haze is trying to portray how flustered she is by Tobias as opposed to any other man, but it comes across as insincere.I love love LOVE Tobias as the male lead--also like how he's important enough to get a name mention, a great touch and indication that he is sticking around and will change Jocelyn's mindset. Great name as well. He seems to flow the best as a character in his descriptions, mannerisms and speech. I am able to see his desire for Jocelyn/Luna without having to be told. I like the subtle hints that he was professional as well. The only thing that turned me off was his use of c*nt during his dirty talk. It just didn't fit in the and also has such negative connotation that it ruins the fluid it and mood.The ELEVATOR SCENE!!!! Need I say more?! WHOOO, needed a cigarette and a drink after that.The twist at the end is GREAT!!!! I knew he had a thing for her but did not expect that turn. So EXCELLENT job there. Really keeps the reader intrigued and eager to read the next book!So here's where the polishing comes in:I noticed a few grammar mistakes (i.e. Using beginning instead of begging), but overall the editing was great. Very important. VERY. Sometimes the actions didn't come across clear. I'm thinking of the choking in particular. In the scene it's written that Tobias puts his hand on Luna's neck, thumb resting on her artery (place where pulse throbs) and asks if it's ok. However, afterwards it's not made clear if he's chocking her or gently holding her. Later, Jocelyn refers to it as choking but the action is written as caressing during the scene. So, that part for example needs to be clarified and polished so the reader can create an accurate image. Also, some descriptions are a little wordy (i.e. He pushes my legs apart gently, indicating he wants me to widen my stance, which I do). The sentence could've just ended with the action to Tobias spreading her legs.The next thing I would work on is Luna/Jocelyn's voice as the first person. Many of the sentences are written like "I did...I said...I thought...etc." which makes it seem like she is telling her best friends, Iris and Dexter, what happened last night,  as opposed to showing the reader what is happening at that present time. When going from Jocelyn to Tobias the writing style is different, as if it's easier to write from second person rather than first.I really wish her thought process after being with Tobias was shown more (get more inside her head, see the feelings she's going through) instead of her just leaving abruptly. Same with her reaction to the twist Tobias created at the end. If there was a little more insight into Jocelyn's personality and emotions while being Luna and with the decision to no longer act as Luna that would add more depth to her character. Reader can't really relate to the feelings she feels because everything moves so fast that you miss it.I would recommend this (in it's present state) to someone who hasn't read much erotica or just wants to read a quick pleasure book. I'm overly critical because I see so much potential here and know that if this story were more polished I could relate to the characters and engross myself in the story. With polishing everything will flow so nicely and have each reader scrambling for the next book...or putting it down to pleasure themselves.Erotica is hard to write due to the fact that it requires so much fluidity so as not to break the excitement, pleasure, or imagery. It can also seem repetitive so keeping it interesting is a challenge. Plenty of great sentences and phrases in this book that ignite pleasure, but read as somewhat choppy.Really excited to read more from Violet Haze.