Review: A Bit Crazed, but Entertaining
Rating: 2 out of 5
Date: 06 16, 2014
** 2.5 stars **Ah, okay. I was not a big fan of Substitute. It wasn't that I actively disliked the story or the writing, in fact, I felt compelled to keep going to the very end. It's just, I could not get behind the love story, a lot of the heroine's actions, all the WTF-ery, and the nonsense that was the workplace.Let me briefly explain.Alexia has finally found the courage to run away from her brutish boyfriend. Her old friend sets up her up with a place to live and work at the same sports agency. Now, you would think this place was ran by Joe Francis because it might as well be called Employees Gone Wild. These people don't work to hard at being good agents, as far as I can tell, they're too busy going at it on any non-moving surface they land on. When she witnesses two fellow employees going at it at an office party, Alexia's sexuality comes roaring to the forefront. And by roaring, I mean gushing. It seems our girl Alexia is a random squirter/gusher/flooder/leaker/etc. Poor girl, she can't get within ten feet of a virile man without springing a leak downtown. It's so bad that she has to worry about leaving damp areas on her clothes or anything she's sitting on. I mean, give the girl a wet floor sign and a squeegee, please. And as if that wasn't bad enough, I think Alexia has a bad case of idle hands. Every time the thought of sex comes remotely near her mind, she's got her hand down her knickers faster than you can say "masturbation makes you deaf". It doesn't matter where she is or who's around, when Alexia decides to rub one off, it's all hands down below.So, cool. Alexia is in charge of her sexual agency. I can get down with that. But I just don't understand why I'm supposed to believe she is desperately in love with her boss Nathan when she's nearly boning (not having sex, though) every guy she knows. And to be clear: I don't care if she's getting busy with other guys. In fact, go for it girl! My issues is with the fact I'm supposed to buy that she is in love with desperately in love with Nathan. And these poor guys...apparently no man is immune to Alexia's ethereal, icy beauty because they're all springing boners every time they're graced with her presence. And I do mean every. single. time.You have Tony, fellow employee whom she caught doing his superior. Tony figures out Alexia is a watcher and he's constantly forcing her to watch with him. While he sticks his hands up her skirt and rubs himself on her. This dude was slightly rapey, y'all. I say slightly because she never told him no and actually seemed to enjoy herself, but man, he was one of those sleezy guys that just know you want it so bad. And then you have Richard, who was actually a nice guy. He knew her all of about fifteen minutes before he tried to mount Alexia. Once he figured out she was hot for boss, Richard put it upon himself to teach Alexia about her sexuality, be it getting her off or teaching her how to get him off. But still, he was probably the nicest guy of the bunch. And then we have Nathan, the boss man Alexia is so in love with. Surprisingly, he's the guy she is the least physical with. Nathan is a nice boss, but aloof. It's clear he's attracted to Alexia, but his "secret pain" keeps him closed off. As does continually finding her in compromising positions with Tony.Every one knows Alexia and Nathan belong together. She does, her best friend does, a colleague does, all despite the two sharing very little page time. Combining that with her extra-curricular activities with Tony and Richard, I'm not sure exactly why I was supposed to believe they were destined to end up together. I tried very hard to turn my brain off and enjoy it for a salacious erotic story, but I don't know... I just didn't feel it.So, that wasn't actually brief at all. Huh. I didn't plan to go on and on about Substitute, but I did have a lot to say. My poor husband is probably glad I decided to put it all into my review because I spent a good part of his lunch filling him in on all the squishy details. I didn't hate the Substitute. I didn't even strongly dislike it. I just didn't get it. Or maybe I got it to some extent, but I couldn't get behind it. And now I'm confusing myself. I will say I was entertained.Substitute didn't fully work for me, but if you're willing to give a steamy, crazy story a try, it may work for you.