Review: Bizarre paragraph structure and strained internal dialog
Rating: 2 out of 5
Date: 04 18, 2012
Stopped after reading the first chapter. The author's lack of understanding about what constitutes a paragraph drove me crazy. He throws paragraphs in mid-thought, or uses a paragraph for a single sentence that should have been part of the previous paragraph, or doesn't use paragraphs where there is a clear need for one. It's bizarre and kept jarring me out of the narrative. Some examples of paragraphs in the book:They wouldn't.Hard physical labor.A lot.I liked his narrative voice for the most part, although he seemed to try to be too cutesie at times. The following excerpt is a perfect example:He grinned and kept moving as quickly as his stiff legs could manage, so not very, all things considered.It was what stopped him from doing a little happy dance. That and the fact he simply had no talent for it.It was tempting to try anyway.Any one of the cute/funny internal dialog comments would have been good -- "so not very, all things considered" or "That and the fact he simply had no talent for it" or "It was tempting to try anyway." -- but all of them together strains the dialog.I think a lot of people will quite enjoy this author and I would certainly recommend at least giving the sample a try, but it wasn't for me.