Review: Good story requiring a good editor
Rating: 3 out of 5
Date: 10 17, 2013
Not a bad read, but then again, not a great read. Yep, middle of the road. Before I wrote the review, I went back to see if a new version is available. Not at this time.The premise of the story surrounds the love Karen Taylor and Mike King share. It is abruptly interrupted when Karen becomes a hostage and is reported among the dead. Mike is devastated and moves on with his life. During her captivity he graduates from University and becomes involved in the Oil Industry. The nemesis of the story Jim Servito, by chance, also enters the oil industry—the shady side. Again by chance Jim marries Karen. Game on!The pros:I knew very little of commodity trading and backdoor dealing when it comes to refined products. The author describes in great detail how Servito is able to build a corrupt empire by not paying taxes to either the Canadian or US governments. It is an astounding amount, to the tune of $300 million! Wow! I really appreciate the knowledge Mr. Douglas provides the readers. Well done.The cons:Editing: It needs it. I identified over eighty issues. Missing words, wrong tenses and unnecessary filler. In the beginning Mike and Karen are invited to a dinner where Jackie and John Kennedy will be. It’s one paragraph, maybe two. The point is, I really thought this would be explored a little more and then nothing, including his assassination. Yet, when Karen marries Jim, we are inundated with an entire chapter.The word ‘had’  needs to be fleshed out. At times it is required but many other times it’s a bit jarring.Adverbs: way too many to count. It became maddening at times, especially when describing a conversation. Ex: “cunningly implying he owned the station.” “his larcenous mind not sufficiently stimulated.”Too much description in conversations. Instead of showing, there is way too much telling. Nothing is left for the imagination.Ex: 1)“Karen slowly turned to face Servito, ‘You’re forgiven,’ she said with a large grin.2) George Taylor stepped to the microphone at the top of the steps leading to the verandah.There are many others.Sentence structure, There are several times where I had to reread a sentence scratching my head.1) His face turned red when he found one of Mike clearly shown. We need clearly shown why?2) Servito calmly removed Martin’s key form the pocket of jacket.???? Pocket of jacket???Character development was thin at best. I never felt connected with Mike or Karen. The dialog between them was too much over the top. Way too many exclamation points and silly outbursts.Name tags. Lord. Way, way too many! We are reminded each and every time when someone is speaking, even if it’s only two people. Their names are populated through each and every paragraph. This needs a heavy threshing.I believe if the book is put in the hands of a good editor/proofreader, many of the issues can be remedied, propelling it to a four star.Overall, not a bad read.