Review: I'm Not Lowering Myself to Make A Stroke Joke Here
Rating: 4 out of 5
Date: 07 6, 2013
Recommended...FOR THOSE WHO LOVE A SLOW, MEANDERING HISTORICAL ROMANCE. If you're just interested in a quickie, you need to go. Now.  I'll wait.So, Grace Makepeace is an American heiress who has come to England because her merchant parents want her to marry some Duke-y or Lord-y dick because it just ain't enough to be REEEECH and 'MURKAN. Don't they know that Englishmen are pasty white and have bad teeth? There ain't enough money in the world to make me marry and fook that. Okay, okay, there probably IS enough money to make me do that, but judge me later when I'm sucking some pasty white English pud for a couple mil.So, her parents set her up to get a sculpture made of her hands...don't ask me, apparently it's A Thing that these English peeps are into...and the artiste is Crispin Hawke. He's a commoner, but because he's so good at the art thing (and probably fooking) he's in much demand (yeah, it's the fooking. And his mad arty skillz. But a lot of it's the fooking--I'm just being honest here.)So he and Grace get off to a rough start which means they will partake of Le Hawt Sexxin', probably with their pinkies out, but not until much later in the book...muuuuuuuuch later...are we there yet?...please refer back to the beginning of the review where I mention that this is a SLOW and MEANDERING romance.Ennyway, Grace sits for Crispin, and they are hot for each other, but he's damaged, and she's virginy and looking for a titled pasty dude, so Mr. Hawke just needs to put his jutting chisel away. For now. Because they're totally going to be knocking boots...button-up boots since this is all historical and stuff...much later.Crispin agrees to help Grace become a Diamond of the First Water so all the top dudes will want her, even though he really wants her for himself. But, no, no...he is damaged, and she is virginal. For now. Because they're totally going to bang one out later.So, yeah, Crispin does such an excellent job, Grace becomes the It Girl, and she finds a Duke who wants to marry her.Crispin's also been giving her Lessons on Lovin' Except for Puttin' It In...and then he Puts. It. In. So what are you gonna do now, Mr. Big-Time Artiste? Sculpt me another hymen?! Good thing Grace likes it, so she gives up the Duke (who got kicked in the nards by a horse, so he's damaged goods any way) for love (and that FOOKING, man!).Use your modern technology and download this historical gem.