Review: Extremely emotional and extremely beautiful
Rating: 4 out of 5
Date: 09 27, 2013
Wow. Lyla really lives up to her surname with this third installment in the Whitman U series. Not only is this one darker than the others it's deeper and more emotionally trying. I am still sitting here trying to figure out what to say about this book that made me feel so many things it's hard to recount it all. Addiction, dependency and trauma are just some of the issues the characters face down in this book.Be My Downfall was absolutely breath taking and tragic. I knew it would be a tough read but I wasn't prepared for the absolute gut wrenching angst Payne brings to the table. Both main characters are facing issues with addiction in some way. Toby Wright, the campus golden boy has dealt with his brother's addiction to drugs by himself due to his father who is a state senator. Kennedy Gilbert suffered a tragic loss and has used alcohol and rough sex as a coping mechanism. Honestly at first I had no idea what could possibly draw these two characters together. They end up meeting while on a trip to Switzerland and are drawn to each other. Once Toby figures out what Kennedy does to herself he tries to help her almost to his own detriment.Toby was just amazing. He was sweet, kind, understanding and strong. Although I still haven't gotten to read the first book where Toby's character is introduced, I fell in love with him in this book. Because his father is a big political figure Toby has kept the issue with his brother a secret from people close to him so as not to draw unwanted attention to his family. I felt bad for him because he was really kind of lonely not being able to have someone to confide in. Losing his brother to drugs was a tough blow to his psyche because he believes it's his fault for not trying harder to save him. He feels as though he gets a second chance to help someone when he meets Kennedy and tries so hard to help her find her way out of her own darkness. He had his own issues to deal with on top of trying to finish school and staying out of trouble he really didn't have time or energy to help her but he did it anyway. He ends up going to great lengths to help this broken girl even facing down the demons of his past and putting his personal comfort and reputation on the line several times.Kennedy broke me in two pieces by the time this book was over. She's not just damaged, she's shattered. I can't understand how I can love and hate her at the same time but I do. I hated that she needed rough sex to feel anything but numb, I hated how she was treated by someone who was supposed to love her and I hated how she wasn't strong enough to be happy. At the same time though I loved that she even attempted to be normal. I loved how she knew Toby wasn't like the other guys and I loved that she valued him enough to walk away so she didn't hurt him the way his brother did. Her circumstances are different in that she isn't addicted to drugs but her penchant for extremely rough sex and alcohol to feel anything makes her a ticking time bomb that nobody wants to deal with. Sure the guys enjoy what she has to offer but nobody knows how to deal with her so they keep their distance. Toby is the first one to show her a different way to live but she isn't ready to be happy and makes it clear to him it may never happen. I absolutely hated what she put Toby through. Even though he knew better I started to hate Kennedy after a while. I completely understood the reasons she did what she did and even had sympathy for her at times. She wasn't looking to fall in love but Toby wouldn't stay in any box she tries to put him in. Kennedy was one of those characters that can't help but ruin things, especially when they are going so well. She doesn't know how to handle it and naturally ends up back where she feels the most comfortable and that's what hurt me the most I think.The supporting cast was made up of some familiar faces from the previous books. Emilie, Quinn, Ruby and Cole all play a part in the relationship between Toby and Kennedy in some way. I'm not familiar with the first two characters but Ruby and Cole were my favorite so it was nice to see them again. Ruby has a special connection to Kennedy being that these two kind of grew up together so it was nice to see Ruby step up and try to be there for her. Even if Kennedy didn't want the help.Be My Downfall was a bittersweet story that had some really rough moments but at the same time had some beautiful, healing, romantic moments as well. Watching Toby and Kennedy fight to overcome everything was wonderful to see after all they had been through. This isn't a happily ever after kind of story even though the book ended on a high note. I don't think with stories as realistic as this that deal with these kinds of topics you can seriously expect a HEA because it doesn't exist for broken people. As torn up as I was about the events leading up to the end and as heartbroken as I still am I have to say the author did a fantastic job wrapping the story up the way she did. This wasn't my favorite in the series by far but I think it's the most memorable and well thought out. The characters were flawed and broken, and the author brought to light serious subjects that affect everyone on a daily basis and I loved that about this book. This wasn't an easy read and will stick with you long after you are done so I recommend it only if you can handle gut wrenching emotion and characters who will break your heart.