Review: Let's Show Kevin Costner How It's Really Done
Rating: 5 out of 5
Date: 08 31, 2013
Another one of those I'm-not-gay-except-for-you-Mr.-Hot-Bi-Australian-Bodyguard, and if I had a hot, Australian bodyguard, I would totally consider playing for both teams myself. You know, if I HAD to. Please...give me the opportunity to HAD to. PLEASE.So Chris Huntley is a major big tv star who's making the move to the big screen, and Liev Reynolds, firefighter...I mean, SERIOUSLY...can he be any hotter?! For the love of God, he's already Australian!Oh, yeah, Couper can make him hotter by also making him a body guard. You know--THE GUY WHO GUARDS THE BODY. LITERALLY. High five to you, Chris Huntley.So when Chris first sees Liev walking up the dock...probably in slow motion...with the wind gently ruffling his hair...and a close-up shot of his abs flexing through his tight t-shirt...Chris instantly pops a boner, and is not at all sure where that came from because he is TOTALLY, unequivocally straight.I'll tell you, Chris. It's because Liev's Aussie! And a firefighter! And he's going to be guarding your body. LITERALLY GUARDING YOUR BODY. But, of course, though Liev is attracted to the hotness that is Chris Huntley, the first rule of Guarding the Body 101 is that you don't sleep with the client. Unless he's really hot. And popping wood. Which we totally have in this situation. So you go on and break that rule, Liev. Just please, God, let me read about it.So Liev and Chris are thrown together in situations where Liev has to protect Chris which whips everyone's 'nad juice into a frenzy because...hello! Adrenaline!...and they just have to go at each other like they rolled around in something dead...no, wait, that's dogs...um, they go at each other like they've got Twinkies strapped on to all their good bits...no, wait, that's me... Ennyway, they go hard in the paint, if by hard in the paint you mean they are pounding each other in those areas that are generally exit only, and I do mean that. And it's super hot.And they start getting feelings for each other, but it's hard...the situation, not their penises...though, really, their penises are pretty hard a lot of the time.  It's difficult because Chris is trying to become an action star/romantic lead, and it's hard to do that...so much hardness in this book...if people know that you like a peen in your crack every once in awhile...or a lot.There are some angsty moments in between all the hot sexxin' and a sweet romance that builds. And, as we all know....I-I-I-I-I will always love youuuuuuuuuuu...  Tell me you won't have that song in your mind when you're reading this. Only I'm pretty damn sure that Liev's packing more peen than Kevin Costner could ever hope to have in three lifetimes.Get on this one like Liev got on Chris.