Review: Not Sure What to Say
Rating: 3 out of 5
Date: 03 24, 2013
Overall, the story is 3-star worthy because of the combination of 4-star characters, the 2-star plot, and the 2-star literary structure.Individually, I was very interested in the characters. I think Ava is well thought out, her relationship with Peter well defined, and her place in the story is made clear and precise: She's a danger to everyone, even herself because of her self-imposed isolation and, later, her sudden immersion into the very world she previously cringed from. I get it, and I appreciate it- to an extent. The heart strings are effectively tugged on with Ava's telling of her childhood trauma. The naivete is duly noted and understood. But I think because the story is written in first-person and Ava is so... innocent and conflicted?... It made it difficult for the story to keep my attention. It is such a very self-centered perspective we get from Ava it borders on esoteric.Which brings me to the plot. Goodness me, the plot. Of course every story is going to have a "one thing led to another" type unfolding because that is how things happen in real life: Nothing happens unless something does, in which a ripple effect occurs and everything happens in all different directions. But the events that happen, one after the other, seem too staged, and in some places seem too far-fetched. A guy as heart-hardened and determined as Peter is not going to drop all his plans and go get so drunk he incapacitates himself, no matter how stressful things are. Just doesn't seem plausible for someone with a raging Type-A personality. But Peter goes and does it and I don't get it. The inconsistency between the character's personalities and their decisions and actions bother me enough that I gave the plot 2-stars.The literary structure was another big issue with me. I've been an avid reader for close to 2/3rds of my 28 year-long life, and so I understand and appreciate authors who have their own voice, their own way of saying/expressing/wording things. I also understand not every author is going to write in the exact style or structure I prefer. With all this in mind, I have to say, I found myself more concerned with critiquing the structure and sometimes the word choice to stay focused on the story. I was so distracted by this, I had to stop several times and tell myself out loud to just keep reading-- because I wanted to know how the story goes. Uncomfortable and clunky wording and structure aside, the story was interesting enough I wanted to know how Ava managed to survive her first trip into the Vampire world, but not enough to gloss over the awkward structure and wording throughout the story.Overall this is a good story and the characters are likable, even the creepy Eddie, but I would suggest to the author a better editing and peer review before I'd recommend this to anyone. I get that first books are sometimes awkward and only provide a glimmer of the author's true talent because even though there is talent, it is still raw and usually unrefined. But I cannot reconcile that knowledge with this short story enough to be willing to pass it on to a friend. Sorry.