Review: Heart-wrenching...
Rating: 5 out of 5
Date: 01 5, 2014
Nicola Haken officially broke me to pieces with Hold On Tight. After tearing my heart to shreds, putting it back together, the book then lured me in a cosy, happy and warm safety, right before ripping my heart back out and doing a little tap dance on it. If you considered the last book heart-wrenching, better find a good therapist now. You'll need one.The story picks up where "Take My Hand" left off - after the big bang, the fallout. Dexter is confronted with his past and his darkest moments. Not being able to handle it, to handle the changes that the meeting brings, he falls hard and deep. We watch him fall further and further until he crashes face first onto the ground. And there is nothing we can do about. To witness him slipping back into addiction and being consumed by it is so incredibly painful. The torment he feels inside is described so realistically, that it is palpable. It will shatter you, make you cry. It will break you to pieces - right along with Dexter. I like how it is not just a few scenes here and there that portray his addiction. It is basically the whole book that deals with a person going through addiction, with how the addiction changes them, how it influences their thinking, their behaviour and their feelings. It shows how hard it is to stop and how easy it is to fall back onto this false safety net. What I found also important is that the book shows how it is not just the addicted person that is effected, but friends and family are broken by the addiction as well. And the ripple effect of addiction goes further....the friends and family of the ones that are close to the addict feel the consequences as well. It was not just Dexter suffering. With him Emily and Sarah suffered. But it also took a toll on the lives of Chris or Rachel. The emotions Dexter goes through, the hate, the pain, the guilt, the shame, the self-loathing, the despair...there were moments when it really broke me. When I was sobbing like a baby. I wanted to hold on tight to him and to take his pain away. In other moments I wanted to slap some sense into him. The lies, the anger, the secrets, the aggression was brutal at times but so necessary to understand the depth of the hopelessness he found himself in. The way he pushed Emily away - it was understandable but painful to witness. We experience his downfall, his shaky steps and him standing proud and tall again.Emily on the other hand is one of the strongest female characters I have ever read. Considering she has been sheltered all her life and is fairly nave, going into a relationship with a recovering addict and then having him slip back into addiction in a short matter of time and still stand by him is something only true love can achieve. And Emily loves him with everything that she is. She does not allow him to push her around despite his issues. She stands up for herself while supporting him completely. During the course of his addiction she learns that she can't help him as long as he is not willing to be helped and concentrates on taking care of herself. But when he needs her, she drops everything and is there for him. She is smart and incredibly caring and loving, full of compassion and sympathy for others.Their love is so strong, so extraordinary that I have a hard time describing it. But more often than not it made me cry and smile at the same time. Their love gives hope.As if Dexter's addiction and the resurfacing of his dead-beat father were not enough, life is just handing out one blow after another to Dexter, Emily and Sarah. And I as a reader was shocked and surprised by all the twists to the point I felt gob-smacked. While they were shocking and unexpected they were realistic and believable. And God, did they make me scream in anger or wail like a banshee. Nicola Haken not only lets her characters go through hell and back but the reader as well. But the trip hurts so good.The supporting characters are so much more than that. They play such a big part in the story that I got attached to them. Especially to Chris, Emily's brother. That is why certain parts of the book and then the end made me want to throw my Kindle at the wall, then get a hammer and smash it to pieces before throwing the bits into a fire.I think it takes a lot of skill and talent to paint addiction so clearly and not to make the person that is addicted just good or just bad but to show there is so much in between. Addiction is not just black and white. Not just weakness of character. Nicola Haken manages to show that. She makes it clear that the attribute of addiction does not turn the person into someone bad. It is merely their way of coping, the only way they know how. Sometimes some experiences are so horrible, the pain so excruciating and the guilt so tormenting, that all a person can do, is try to escape. Dex chooses drugs to numb all of this, to stop feeling, to stop hurting. And risks losing everything that makes his life worth living.But she not only writes the dark side so well. She is also incredible in writing the tender and sweet moments between the characters. When reading them it made my heart all fuzzy and warm. It made me melt a bit. And the sex scenes...oh the sex scenes. They are hot and sensual, erotic and sweet and there is just enough of them to not be too much but to add some smut. What I love is that they are not drawn out over twenty pages that end up boring me to death with five-page descriptions of nipples. No, Nicola Haken doses the smut just right.She also manages to deliver enough happiness, so we know the main characters are finally getting a break when it comes to their relationship. It lulled me into a sense of cosy happiness. Before she destroyed the cosy feeling in a sneaky way. I am not sure I will recover any time soon. But that is what makes it a superb book.I could go on for days and days about how great this book is, but I will just say....5+ hope-giving, heart-breaking, breath-taking, life-altering stars and more.