Review: Unexpectedly disturbing
Rating: 4 out of 5
Date: 11 25, 2012
I don't know why I found this book so unexpectedly disturbing, as I know quite a bit about narcissism from first-hand experience. Perhaps that's *why* I found it so disturbing. Sarah Tate as a young, naive woman gets totally caught up in a suave older man's seduction games and marries him within a year of his previous wife's suicide. The saddest thing to me is that she doesn't even find him attractive, but the lure of money and material things he promises (which often symbolize love to women, let's face it) is so seductive. I'm not saying that she is a shallow person, but it is very sad that women are so vulnerable to this kind of insidious lying, which is all about making them feel special in the short term. Because by the end of the book it's revealed that "Bill" is a total monster of deceit and specializes in running up enormous, staggering debts. What's really fascinating is the way Sarah gives us a candid look at their married life. Once the honeymoon wears off, it's all about stress for the woman, and the desperate need to put a good face on things.Although Sarah represses her rage and despair most of the time, when she does find out exactly what Bill is up to behind her back, there's a very satisfying scene where she starts to take back her power.The awful truth of what really happened to Bill's second wife makes the book even more powerful.Ultimately, the saddest thing about narcissism is that well-meaning witnesses are ineffective; the narcissist's spell is so strong. After reading this book I began to see narcissism as a sort of Ponzi scheme, where the narcissist feeds off one victim and uses the money and resources remaining from that destroyed relationship to attach to another victim. The lies begin again. It seems society is set up so that bragging, lying men are protected, in a way. (It's true Bill keeps getting fired, but he also keeps getting work!) Kind of makes you wonder about the human race. But Tate has written a gripping book, which I read in one sitting. Although one reviewer complained it was all about one woman's marriage and not enough about narcissistic relationships in general, I disagree. This is an unwavering portrayal of what a destructive narcissist does in a relationship, from beginning to end. I think it could open a lot of eyes.