Review: The Weather Outside is Frightful, But Your Body Parts Are Soooo Delightful
Rating: 5 out of 5
Date: 12 26, 2012
Quickie holiday novella. Heather's ready to head to a family party three hours away in a snowstorm, when Anthony--who works with her ex-boyfriend--spies her trying to hail a cab. He's always been attracted to her, and now's his chance to get to know her in the Biblical way.She resists at first because God knows that serial killers do drive nice Lincoln Town Cars--the better to stuff you in the roomy trunk, my dear--but jokingly asks him to drive her to the party. Ohhhh, yeah, he's gonna drive you, all right. In the immortal words of Bette Davis, fasten your seat belts; it's gonna be a bumpy ride.When Anthony finds out it's a three-hour trip, he almost balks, but he really wants to get to know her--awww, how sweet...SHUT UP AND BONE ME, LAWYER BOY...wow, not sure where that came from--and being as he's no wussy, he agrees to drive her over the mountain pass and accompany her to the party.Sure enough, though, the pass is temporarily closed because it's starting to snow like a mutha. Anthony and Heather have to wait a bit until the snow plow comes. Heather politely asks Anthony to pull over into the rest area that is conveniently just a few feet ahead and plow HER until SHE comes. He's stunned for about 2.1 nanoseconds, and then he peels out for the rest area. Four years of law school were not wasted on our Anthony.I'm not sure I'd be in the mood for sex after driving in a blizzard because I've found that screaming sweet nothings to my husband like, "LORD BABY JESUS--IS THAT ICE?" and "OMIGOD LOOK OUT FOR THAT SNOWBANK," and "WHAT THE F*** DOES THAT F**ING F***ER F***ING THINK IS GONNA HAPPEN WHEN HE F***ING DRIVES F**ING 70 IN A F**ING SNOW STORM?!" are not conducive to the sexxy times.I also worry about having sex in sub-zero temps because remember what happens when you put your tongue on a really cold pole? I'm just sayin'...Ennyway, Heather and Anthony proceed to hump like snow bunnies for a hot little scene. They take long enough for the plow to come...oh, yeahhhh, can't get enough of that plowing...and they're on their way. They decide to see each other because...he-llllloooo--hot car sex! Or cold. Whatevs. It made me feel pretty warm.