Review: Needs work, but has good bones
Rating: 3 out of 5
Date: 07 10, 2012
OK,Wondering if perhaps English is not the writers first language.  Quite a few wrong words but the other review gives those so the thing that pulled me out of the story most was the lack of contractions, way too many "Let us ..." instead of making the story flow smoothly or making the conversation feel true "Let's go to the mall" or some such. Overall the story wasn't bad, had a solid idea and telling but with these stumbling blocks it takes more effort to get through it.For a first book it was entertaining with polish it could be 4*. As it stands now I'll stick with 3