Review: Magical Eyes and Ponytails Run Amok
Rating: 2 out of 5
Date: 04 3, 2013
ARC was provided by Escape Publishing via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review. Sigh. I hate leaving negative reviews but I have to be honest. Folks, this book is just... a mess. Correction: this book is a mess for people who like romances that have substance and well thought out plots. I've outgrown my gullibility I guess. Here we go:What I actually liked: Hmm, I liked the premise of the book. I'm a sucker for a good makeover. And I'm a sucker for characters that undergo mental and physical transformations for the better. Hence, I was sucked in by the superficial trappings of this book. It seemed like it would be a good fit for me.What I didn't like:1. Magical eyes. For the first 50-75% of the book, Quinn's eyes were described on every other freakin page! Seriously. It seemed like the author was determined to make the reader focus on Quinn's eyes. Examples directly from the book: "quicksilver," his eyes turned "grey to liquid steel, his eyes were "infinite pools of grey," his eyes were "twin pools of storm cloud grey," and blah blah blah. Is he a wizard compelling dames to do his bidding with these magical eyes? I dunno. But you could play a drinking game, and every time his eyes are ridiculously described, take a shot. An eye for a shot? Brilliant.2. Ponytails. Ross did the same thing with freakin pony tails!! Every time any female character was mentioned in the first half of the book, their pony tail was too. I guess a character isn't fully dimensional unless the author describes what type of length/height their pony tail is. It was really odd. And laughable.3. No romantic foundation. How in the world do two characters fall so in love with each other when there is no substantial dialogue to be found. In fact, they barely interact!!! Abbey is always running away from Quinn or is looking at her shoes, trying to pretend she doesn't exist and no one sees her. But he falls in love with her anyway? 0_o.4. Barbie complex. Caroline is in shape and the author seems to bash her relentlessly. Not just because she's a bitch, but because she's thin, beautiful, lithe and in-shape. I don't like that. Don't make her out to be a witch because she's thinner than the participants of the show, and because they have their own self-confidence issues.5. Aesthetic obsessed. Umm, most of the external issues regarding weight stem from psychological or intrinsic disorders/issues. Somehow all traces of Abbey's psychological positive development were left out. No psychological evaluation for Abbey's SERIOUS dysfunctional self-esteem, self-worth and/or childhood obesity issues? For the good of the show? Or maybe at least a pep-talk for the participants? Nope.6. Abbey. She must be the clumsiest chubster ever written. It was almost unbelievable how many times she fell or tripped. Abbey was written as this sad 1-dimensional character. She seems extremely depressed and unaware of her own sexuality. She's struggled with childhood obseity. She's had a past encounter that leaves her scarred to open herself up to people. She tries to make herself as unnoticeable and immaterial as possible. She's almost afraid to even look in the mirror. But I still couldn't connect to her because next thing I know... she's crushing on Quinn and by the end of the book, she magically grew a backbone. And though she can't even look at herself or wear form-fitting clothes, somehow Quinn views her as "exotic"? He becomes a love-sick puppy on day 1 and can see her inner-beauty...after 3 days of creepily watching her? Ok.7. Quinn. The man is portrayed as sex on a stick (with ridiculously magical grey eyes) yet, he becomes infatuated at first glance with... Abbey? Come on. I need a smidge of reality to round this fantasy out. And he's straight creepy. Everytime the world's clumsiest chubster trips/falls/breathes... he's there saving her. Further, he keeps mentioning that Abbey is perfect the way she is. So her psychological problems don't bother you? No need to correct them? Ok. Even more creepy. Lastly, Mr. Professional Producer clearly does NOT care about his job as he kept withholding embarrassing footage of Abbey or trying to put her in a good light on the show. Biased much? Somehow, only Caroline picked up on it. Also, was fraternization not against the rules? Clearly not as no one said diddly squat about it. So much for professional integrity.8. Redundant writing. Here's an excerpt, word for word:"No barriers. No restrictions. Just the two of them, delighting in the open honesty they found together. Barriers receded, having no need, no room between them. Lost in delight." Did you just write the same thing, back to back, in the same paragraph? Like I wouldn't notice! Come on... There were so many examples of redundancy swimming in this book, I was exhausted trying to pinpoint them all.9. Awkward phrasing. Example: "She groaned, a golden wave stroking already heated flames." Uhh what does that mean? I like descriptive sex scenes and the like, but phrases like this seemed to just be filler and fluff. Maybe I just didn't like Ross' style of writing, phrasing or describing things. Meh.Whew, I think because I had recently read a book with a very similar premise and it was written flawlessly, I was extremely harsh with Makeover Miracle. Well, I finished it regardless. T'was a miracle indeed.