Review: Great, save for length and grammar
Rating: 3 out of 5
Date: 03 21, 2014
The story was excellent and deserved at least a 4/5 stars.But the length was too short AND more importantly I spotted a number of grammatical errors. One is somewhat forgivable when you're paying for a book...but not three or four in such a short story.If the author reads this, I hope they take note of the errors and fix them accordingly:Loc 68/24%  “extending his HAD towards me”...should be 'HAND'Loc 84/30% “I walked out the kitchen”...should be 'out OF the kitchen'Loc 134/48% “My mouth on his manhood,”...could maybe be 'WITH my mouth on his manhood,'81% “had he not acted the moment thought of it”...should be 'had he not acted the moment HE thought of it'But beyond that criticism, very enticing. The author has a rich imagination and I would love to see this story elaborated upon. Maybe given greater detail in the form of a novella?