Review: 4 stars purely for potential
Rating: 4 out of 5
Date: 03 21, 2014
The author has an amazing imagination, and what a fun idea! However, there's some serious revising that needs to be done. I don't mean the several typos, either, but the way the characters act. Roman acted completely unnaturally to the sight of a Merman. There was no curiosity, and he randomly asks the main character of she loves the Merman out of nowhere. There are a million things Alana could do to get away from the Pernickles, and I'm sure it's illegal to adopt a child without social services even seeing the child and talking to them. The scene where she meets the Merman is poorly described, you have no clue what's actually going on. And she's refusing to leave the kids unprotected by going away with Roman, then she's totally fine with abandoning them all when Jonas says he'll use her. So...great idea, has lots of potential, needs to be edited and expanded on. Some important scenes move too quickly, there needs to be more description.