Review: Book Review from Author Unpublished
Rating: 3 out of 5
Date: 03 7, 2013
Right off the bat, I had a lot of trouble getting into this story. I wasn't aware at first (until I looked it up on google) that the story was a short one, so my overall feeling the first page in was "wow... this is moving kind of fast." There wasn't a lot of description of the people or the places they were in. One minute we were in a living room, the next, we on a plane to China. Now, I realize that there's only so much you can do about this sort of location hopping when it comes to a short story, but I did find it jolting. When I read a story, I want to feel immersed in the world and the lives of the people in it. With this, as with so many other short stories I've read, I felt like I was flipping through a picture book instead. The images were there, but there wasn't a lot of supportive writing to add that depth that I so desperately needed.My second issue with this story was the tense in which it was written. At certain points for no apparent reason, the writing switched from past tense, to present tense. It was extremely jarring, and unfortunately, I don't think anyone else seems to have noticed this  - as ever other review I've read on the book gave it 5 stars. Combined with the dialogue which was stiff, and awkward, it was clear to me right away that the author was new to writing - and I don't mean that in a derogatory way, but the mistakes I spotted in the writing from a technical standpoint, were mistakes that should have been caught in the first draft.I felt absolutely no connection with any of the characters, and they all very much displayed the same "voice". If not for the constant name-tags within the dialogue and narrative, I wouldn't have been able to tell who was speaking.All that being said, the story itself was a sweet one. Jin, the main character (which wasn't entirely evident until the third chapter or so) grew up in a mixed-race adoptive family. His adopted mother, Mavis, loved all her sons, which is clearly evident, and raised them to be strong, independent, and well-adjusted men. At some point, (though for whatever reason, this is done off-stage) Jin meets the girl of his dreams and proposes. This causes a bit of an issue as he is introduced to her very strict family and all sorts of hijinks ensue while Jin tries to figure out his past, adjust to his birth-culture, and win over the hearts of his fiance's family. It's a good story. It's endearing, and interesting, and full of conflict. Unfortunately, a good portion of that was lost in the way it was written.I think the biggest punch to the face I got reading this story however, was in Jin's own description of his fiance. Despite the fact he was raised in a multi-racial, multi-cultural family, he proceeds at one point to describe his fiance as having ***** eyes (censored because amazon doesn't like me to use these words). I did a double take. For those of you who aren't aware, ****** is a derogatory slang word stemming from the racist ***** descriptor of people of Chinese descent. It's akin to calling a black person the n-word. I could not believe that this word made it past the first-draft and into this story. It essentially threw out everything I knew of Jin's upbringing and rendered it false.In the end I can't in all honesty recommend this book to anyone. I refuse to promote racism, and honestly, it just wasn't that well written. My props go to the author for trying to write an endearing story of acceptance and life-long-love, but I would suggest running any future stories through a more comprehensive editing phase before publishing. I think, given another run through a proof-reader, this could have been a really great, heart-warming short-story. Unfortunately, it just didn't make it there.Without the racist bit, I probably would have given this 3 stars.AMENDMENT: The author has assured me she has since removed the racist-word contained in the original draft. She was unaware of it's negative connotation. My opinion of this book is now a firm 3 stars. Give it a try :)