Review: Night Falls Fast
Rating: 5 out of 5
Date: 11 12, 2012
That is the title of a book about people who attempt or succeed at suicide, written by Kay Redfield Jamison, a brilliant psychologist at Johns Hopkins. She is a leading authority on manic depression (bipolar disorder) as well as being a brilliant author. She has also struggled with the disease herself for decades.I debated and dreaded reading this book. Why should I read a fictional tale of someone with manic depression when I have lived with it for 46 years? Especially a teenager, which was when I was first diagnosed (it was later proven that I had it since birth). And I was afraid. I have never read a fiction book on bipolar disorder because of the emotions it might dredge up. But I decided to be strong and just do it. I'm glad I did. Yes, I cried. I cried a lot. Not over Tyler's circumstances or even Emma and Ethan's. I cried when Tyler spoke of what he was feeling, because I have lived through every one of those feelings for my whole life. All of us who have this sickness have thought about suicide. Every one of us. 50% of us will try. 20% of us will succeed. That's a pretty high mortality rate. I have had my own versions of a Thirty Day Plan. Three times I acted on it. Twice I didn't do so well, and once I came within a hair's breathe from succeeding.  We have a voice - our own - inside of our heads that tells us that the only way to stop suffering is to die. That we don't deserve to live. It's the sickness speaking. It tries to push our self destruct button. And it can succeed.So I essentially cried for myself.I write a lot of reviews. They take 5 minutes. I have been working on this since I finished the book a day ago. It took me a while to read. It's taken me a while to write. Too many emotions, too much of my past has been stirred up. It made me think of the times I would walk around and say to myself "Everyone else is happy. There's nothing wrong with my life. So why can't I be happy?" In fact, this may be the most important review I ever write.Some things were brought up in some of the reviews that I have to address. One person said that Tyler thought out his suicide plan, and then didn't have soul wrenching debates with himself as he started to drift away from it. It doesn't work that way. The desire to die can be constant, but the impulse to do something about it may be spontaneous. We also rapid cycle. That means we will have mood swings anywhere from 3-4 times per year to 3-4 times per day. We can wake up in the morning and know with absolute certainty that this will be our last day and by 4:00 in the afternoon be feeling giddy, forgetting what we ever intended. Someone said that sure, Tyler had issues to deal. Issues are having an argument with your best friend and not speaking for a few days, or not getting the date you want for prom. Tyler had a disease, a physical disease that slowly destroys a part of our brain, the part that controls emotions. Someone said he had a cross to bear. This is not some sort of religious test. This is a curse, one that we will suffer from our entire lives (there is no cure - meds only brings remission). It's also a curse that we can pass down to our children because it's genetic (Manic depression and depression run through my family like a plague). Because I was I could not control my moods when I was young, I had what the doctors called "anti-social behaviors". Therefore, the other kids I knew tortured me and I grew up alone. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. In fact, one of those "enemies" did eventually did go into a depression, and I helped him find help. I'm not special or a hero. No one deserves this.The book itself is extremely well written. You would think the whole thing is about bipolar disorder, but it's not. It's a love story and a drama. But obviously you can tell what affected me the most. And obviously I identified with Tyler the most as well. But I also liked Emma, because she had her own horrors to deal with. And I couldn't even find it within me to be angry with Ethan, because schizophrenia is even worse than what I have, and schizophrenics can't tell if the voices they hear are real or not, nor can they differentiate at certain times between right and wrong. Generally, manic depressives are only a danger to themselves. And I really liked the ending, just because I want everyone to have their own happy ending (I'm living mine - I'm married with a teenage son - and yes my son and my wife are also bipolar, but we're a pretty great support circle for each other. And I call us all the Fruit Loops. Why? Because sometimes you just have to laugh at your problems or otherwise you'll cry).I recommend this book highly - for the story, for the dialogue, for the characters - and for a small glimpse into the world that some of your family, friends or neighbors may be living in. A place that hopefully none of you will ever visit.Incidentally, everything I wrote applies to depression without mania as well (unipolar depression). It's just worse for us because sometimes we fall from the heights of mania into the hell of the depression really fast. The drop is much longer and the landing that much harder.If someone you know is diagnosed with bipolar disorder or depression, know this: they have a potentially fatal illness and they need people to know the signs of an impending suicide attempt. Please go to DBSAlliance.org (Depression & Bipolar Alliance) or NAMI.org (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill) and learn the warning signs of a suicide attempt. The life you save may well one of the people close to you. Both organizations run support groups for those who suffer from the illnesses and those who support them. I help run a chapter in suburban New York City. And please, please...never choose a permanent solution to a temporary problem. If it's you who is suffering, turn to anyone who might be able to listen, even if you don't know them very well. Someone will be able to guide you to finding help. No one should ever feel that they have to die at their own hand.