Review: Eric Malteca Review of Bites
Rating: 5 out of 5
Date: 04 23, 2012
Here's why Twilight got so popular:'Hey did you see that vampire in the movie twilight?''No, does he suck?''Yeah, actually he does suck.'Both conversants lie in a semantic entanglement that leaves both confused but itching to learn more.  It brings up the age old question, how much sucking does a vampire need to do, before he earns the title 'sucks'?Bela Lugosi...sucks.Grandpa from the Munsters...sucks.Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson)...he just sucks.See the difference?Robert Pattinson took the name 'Vampire' and peed all over it.  It's like what Arnold Shwarzenegger did to teaching in Kindergarten Cop.  You just want to stand up and throw a taco at the movie screen and say 'No, please stop doing what you are doing!'He sucks.  Robert Pattinson sucks so hard that the Hadron Collider called and told him to stop creating so much centrifugal sucking force.I wish REAL vampires would make a comeback and stop the 'he just sucks' phase that we seem to be going through. I can say that Bites definitely takes a stab at doing just that.  It's a collection of sucking stories that I actually enjoyed reading, with REAL vampires in it.  If you want to hear how some silly farm critters had a slap fight over a mediocrely attractive female (that's generous), then I think you know which direction you should be walking with your keyboard.  If you actually care about the sanctity of the Vampire name, then you will make a decision to give Bites a try and tell your friends to stop sucking each other off over the Twilight books.