Review: Great story line, but... (Spoiler Alert!)
Rating: 3 out of 5
Date: 12 9, 2012
The story line is excellent. 5 Stars on that. However there are at least two major issues that really detract from that storyline.1. That the story line is so good, makes the following issue even more painful: The author repeatedly gives away things that happen later in the story. For example, when our hero is in the midst of a desperate battle, fighting for his life, worrying about how or if he will even survive, the author tells us about the lessons the protagonist learned from the current battle, and that he will apply those lessons later when he's a General. Kind of kills the point of reading the whole scenario. He just gave away the fact that the protagonist will survive. That being the case, why should a reader waste time reading about the battle? We already know that our hero comes out Okay.2. The story is very big on narrative (where the author tells us the story) vs Dialogue, where the story plays out through the characters conversations, actions and interactions. The author tells the story with statements such as ...we intercepted important message traffic....The story would be more interesting if he allowed the characters to tell the story. So, instead of saying ... we intercepted important message traffic ... he could do something that has one of the scout teams contact the Command Post:"Doghouse, this is Killer 1.""Go ahead, Killer 1," the duty communications operator replied, waving the duty NCO to his station."Doghouse, we intercepted a transmission. We were able to decrypt the message header information, but not the message body. The message is from one of the Caliphate logistics teams. I'm squirting the intercept to you.""Good man, Killer 1," SSgt Maverick, the duty NCO replied as he slid into the adjacent console and punched up the logical decryption system."Sending...." the Scout replied as he executed the coded burst transmission."Got it," Maverick confirmed even as he fed the message to the logical decryption system. "Okay... lets see that you guys are talking about. Maybe we'll finally get a break...."The story would be more interesting if the characters told the story.