Review: Good story - some editing problems - coarse language
Rating: 3 out of 5
Date: 07 14, 2012
I enjoyed the story. The characters were well developed. The basic storyline has been done before, but I still liked this version and was interested to see it through.The language was a drawback for me. It was excessive. I don't mind a little bit of coarse language, but there was too much in this story for me. In a 27-page story, there were 28 uses of coarse language.There were some editing/proofreading issues as well, such as de-ja-vu vs. deja vu. To show examples, I've included a couple more:"A stretched black curl fell over Kenny's forward, across his line of vision and he huffed it away with a confident breath,"- Um, what's a forward?"Alone under the curving rotunda that sheltered the school entrances, he leaned his against the cold brick and drew his jacket closer." - What did he lean against the cold brick? His head? His shoulder? His back? His guitar case? His backpack?If it weren't for the excessive language and this editing issues, I would have easily given this 4 or 5 stars, but as it is, only 3 stars.This author has talent and the story was otherwise good.