Review: Aww, a baby book -- NOT!
Rating: 5 out of 5
Date: 02 2, 2014
Do not, ever, under any circumstances, give this book as a baby shower gift. Unless, of course, you’re seriously evil and hate the mom-to-be.I can’t help imagining it getting accidentally put on the bookstore shelf in the preggers section, all cozied up with those “What to Expect” books. I mean, it’s called Stork, it’s got a stork on the cover, right? Everybody knows the folklore. Everybody’s seen the cartoons. Big white birds in deliveryman caps, carrying bundles of joy in their beaks, all dedicated to their jobs, wacky hijinks ensue when mix-ups take place.THIS IS NOT THOSE STORKS.This is a dark and twisted little tale of vicious child abuse, in which a horrible, horrible old woman raises her granddaughter on endless stories of how the stork doesn’t bring good babies to bad mothers. The stork only brings wicked soulless devil-babies to bad mothers. Like little Suzey’s mother. Like little Suzey herself, who will never be any good.Little Suzey grows up with that, finally escaping and eventually getting her life on track. She meets a great guy, gets married, settles down, and they’re all set to start a family. Except, well, that part’s not going so well. A few miscarriages later, Suzey’s left wondering if her horrible grandma might have been right.IS she evil? DOES she not have a soul? WILL the storks refuse to ever let her be a mother? Her husband thinks a change of scenery is in order, moving to a nice new place now that his job’s going well. And, at first, it seems so.Until Suzey sees the stork hanging around the duck pond down by the park, and one of the neighbor ladies mentions that she always heard how storks sometimes STEAL babies as well as deliver them.So, yeah. As violent, blood-drenched, awesome and ruthless as a Shane McKenzie book ought to be, Stork needs a medication-commercial warning about how women who are nursing, pregnant, or planning to become pregnant need to not go anywhere near this one. Eek.