Review: Great writing, needs work with pace
Rating: 4 out of 5
Date: 06 6, 2013
Okay, I don't write many reviews, because most of the time I just don't care enough to try to figure out how to do it on Amazon.  But I cared enough about this book and this series and this writer.You write brilliantly.  Your characters are so likeable, and their struggles to overcome the odds compel readers to keep turning the page, but there are things that will bother your readers.I write this review to warn you that you are falling into the pace trap.  Doug, go review your first book, and look at how much happened from start to finish...how far the story progressed.  Now look at this book again.  This entire book covers a span of only 30 days.  That's it.  You are writing about a war that's shaping up to span decades.  There's just no way you are going to write a solid finished product 30 days at a time.  *Spoiler alert:* The whole book revolves around The prince and Mei Lei getting from danger to safety.  Truly, if you were properly pacing this story, that would've taken about 4-6 chapters.  There is no reason for that to take an entire book.  And the number of times they flee from a swarm of missiles...how many times does this really need to happen before you risk the reader feeling deja vu?  One incredibly narrow escape is enough...two at the max.  But 6...7...8...  At some point you are just wasting pages.  Pick up the pace in your next book.  Make sure you advance the story more than one little outlying system's brief liberation and recapture and the flight of three characters from the enemy to safety.  It just felt like you dragged out this novel way too much.  Much more than necessary.You should really also think about adding a section at the beginning of your book or an addendum titled "ships of the Empire," and "Ships of the Cacada."  And show us some rough schematics of what all these different ships look like.  There's a reason Star Wars sticks in everyone's mind for all these years:  Every science fiction reader on the planet knows what an X-Wing or a Star Destroyer or a Tie Fighter looks like.  We can conceptualize these vehicles in our head as we read about them.  That is a big deal because it helps us really *feel* the battle, especially in as battle-heavy a novel as yours.  Give your readers some visuals, somehow, and your novels will, i guarantee, make leaps and bounds in popularity.