Review: More than Love was Lost
Rating: 3 out of 5
Date: 03 4, 2014
My more detailed review can be found on The Review Board.Warning: Tiny spoilers to expand on strengths and/or opportunities in the read.Strengths1. Nice presentation: There were very minimal correction in spelling, grammar, and punctuation.2. Attention to detailing: There was a lot of detail being given to what people wore, giving distinct differences based on locations (East Coast, South, West Coast)3. Azmir: He was my favorite character in the whole book. Even though there are events building up for the next installment of this series, the ultimate core and appeal of him never wavered.However there were many things lost in this work and could use some improvement.Opportunities1. Fasten Your Seat BeltsYou are on an airplane and it is smooth flying. The captain says the plane is cruising, and you think it is all right to take a brief nap. Next thing you know, there’s rumbling and jolting.That is how I felt with the pacing of this book. I was in love with the speed of Chapters One and Two. It wasn’t overly slow but the author was really taking the time to develop this central character. By the time it got to some of the later chapters, it started speeding up, and a multitude of events took place. Then, it started slowing again. It was very disorienting to see so much turbulent pacing. I don’t mind alterations in speed but the measurement in the conflict and the downtimes must be equal in some way; otherwise it throws off the climate of the work for me.2. Marathon ChaptersThe lengths of Chapters One and Two I did not mind because there was a wonderful pacing and developing of the narrative. By the time I arrived at Chapter Three, due to the pace deterioration into inconsistency, I began to take notice as to how long the chapters were. It is a bad sign when my Kindle App reader predicts it will take over 50 minutes to read one chapter, which was Chapter Six. Although the chapters started becoming shorter towards the end, seven chapters of excessive length had done considerable damage.Love Lost could have easily been divided into smaller chapters, not just where point of views shifted between Rayna and Azmir, but also where there are separations of time (years passing), shifts in location, and the presentation of new characters in the narrative.3. Nonsensical FlashbacksPart of the marathon chapters were the flashbacks between Rayna and Azmir. I don’t mind the flashbacks as long as I’m presented with some new information from one or both of the characters. In most of the instances, it was just a replay of the same scene told by a different person. It’s like watching a movie in letterbox, and then rewinding it and watching it in full screen mode. There was a bit of redemption in Chapter Seven and the later chapters, but it was a little too late to save this style of writing from being a deterrent.4. Which Rayna is in attendance?There are mannerisms about Rayna that leaves me absolutely baffled. In one light she is presented as this female who is focused on really getting her life together. In another light, she represented as this chic who has highly attuned “hood” sensibilities. Yet in another light, she is one who is really biding her time searching for love while being unsure that love is what she really wants. Her development isn’t very smooth at all; there are moments when it’s very erratic—when she is way too quick to revert back to “proving she’s still street.” Is there a way to handle things “street like” while still being “sophisticated”? I just didn’t see a balance. These vast disparities caused me to not be able to fully connect with her.5. Inconsistencies in Unwritten Code (Realistic Ramifications to Foul Actions)There are certain reactions to events that don’t seem to make any sense to me if you are following some sort of “unwritten code”.One example is with Reyna and her origins. There was an altercation where a drink was spilled on her friend, and she decides to get her hands dirty so her girl doesn’t have to. I get it: Disrespect my friend and you disrespect me. I have no fault with that reaction.What I am having trouble digesting is the situation where one of the guys she’s dating left her a nasty surprise, and when she goes to confront him, she rolls up on another unfortunate situation. What happened to the rule, “Directly disrespect me and you get dealt with.”?See, I’m originally from the South, and you can’t get away with things of that nature without some type of repercussions. Rayna talked so much about how she’s from the rough part of New Jersey, yet from my experiences with people who live in the New Jersey area (I’ve lived here since 2003) and with New Yorkers, this weird sense of calm after the double burn would not have flown.Verdict: My overall verdict is 3 out of 5. Although certain elements attempted to rectify themselves at the end, it wasn’t quite enough to get this work out of the mid range. This has the components of a wonderful story—a woman trying to thrive despite her humble beginnings and a man trying to break away from a certain lifestyle, but the character development, plot speed, and reactionary imbalances caused the full enjoyment of this tale to be lost.