Review: Confusing
Rating: 1 out of 5
Date: 07 19, 2012
This is a re-write from my original review to keep it more PG.Dracula's Secret is one of the worst books I've read this year.  It reads like an erotica only with less grace than 50 Shades of Grey.  I know that this is urban fantasy but this book didn't seem realistic at all.  I never really understood how Valerie aka Vlad aka Dracula could hit the fact that she was a female to everyone including her wife.  I don't get why Valerie decided to drop her life-long grudge on her brother just because some random virgin priest (Lance) says that her vengeance conflicts with his moral code.  Valerie was someone who worked alongside Nazis and yet killing a brutal killer is side-tracked because her FOTM love-interest can't stomach her killing someone?  Also, the main reason Valerie wants to kill her brother is because he was "responsible" for the death of Valerie's wife, even though Valerie had killed her wife with her own hands.  So...I'm confused on this.The first part of the book is very confusing as it switches between genders depending on whether Valerie is herself or disguised as Vlad.  I think it would of been easier on the reader if it was written in first person POV.I didn't get Lance either.  I actually found him humorous - as in he was such a sorry excuse for a human being that he's funny.  He's an unordained priest, who is also a virgin, and in his backstory he really seems "friendly" with one of his male friends.  I found that pretty strange in an erotic novel for his personality to be so anti-manly.  I found myself skipping through the sex scenes.  I'm not one for romance novels anyway and the sex scenes in this book were worse when I couldn't find one thing I liked about Lance.  Oh and it's horrible how Valerie and Lance meet.  You want to know what's worse than insta-love?  Laser sight instant love.  Valerie is hidden in darkness on the rooftop yet somehow this man peers deep into her soul and she instantly lusts for him and he for her.  Instant love makes me sick.And, there are several words that are strictly reserved for amateurs and fan-fiction.  The word "digits" should only refer to numbers and not fingers.  "Orbs" are things referred to in paranormal investigations and not eyes.  And might I add that female parts do not swell noticeably when arose unless the woman is pregnant, and its a very odd sight to see.  I had to double check the sex of the author, because I could of sworn that this book was written from a male by the way Valerie acts.  Also on grammar.  There are elegant eyebrows and expressive green eyes, which aren't awful when used sparingly but these two were used on the same page.I eventually gave up on this novel and marked it as DNF around 60%.  I tried.  This book shouldn't be advertised as an Urban Fantasy.  It is an erotic book with paranormal elements.  Sex is definitely the main focus of this book.  If I knew it was all about the sex, I never would of read it.I received a copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.