Review: Advised getting a proper editor on last book!
Rating: 3 out of 5
Date: 03 14, 2014
“The Dogs of Liberty” by Joel BakerKindle EditionProofing Critique by JMDinGaJoel is a fairly decent story teller, enough so that I encouraged him to get a better editor with my review of his previous book.  He has ignored that admonition.  Since I think he has some talent and potential as a writer, I decided to proof as I read with this book once I started running into repeated errors again.  It's one thing to just say there are lots of errors, or even provide the count as I have often done in the past (122 in this book); but I'm stunned that someone with a college degree, especially from such a fine university as IU, is making the types of mistakes that are prevalent in this book.  Perhaps the following critique will get his attention, and motivate him to get proper editing if he doesn't have the requisite skill set.  Being a good story teller is not enough for educated consumers.  And anyone who thinks that a multitude of errors like those in this book is acceptable, simply does not have a high enough personal standard in reading.  We, the paying consumers, deserve and expect better editing.I'm sorry that the Amazon format will not accept the table that my critique is in; but I think you will still be able to decipher it if interested.  The bold print I had used on the errors was also not transferred into this format, which is unfortunate.  This is primarily intended for the author.  I certainly don't expect those who are reading reviews to wade through all of the critique.  If Joel were a terrible story teller, I would not waste my time critiquing him.  I reserve that for those who show potential.  This "Colter" series is unique and different from most books in this genre, and I find it interesting.Joel, I offer you at no charge the following that would normally come at a substantial editing fee.  I hope you use it wisely.  If, on the contrary, you find this offensive, or a waste of your time, you won't have to worry about receiving one of these again.  If I continue to read any of your books and find that you have not learned your lesson and acquired a good editor, i will not read further, and will permanently take you off my "Outstanding TEOTWAWKI Authors" reading list - which I said I would do after the previous book.  Many readers have asked for a copy of my "Outstanding TEOTWAWKI Authors" list.  This truly is my last effort on your behalf.# Chap % Error Correction Explanation1.  Intro  James James’ Possessive, not plural2.  1 3 Mother’s gathered their… Mothers Simple plural, not possessive3.  1 3 I know each of you have plenty… Each of you has “Each” requires singular verb4.  1 3 Day break Daybreak One word5.  3 7 They would return to another road heading west they’d past … they’d passed Verb, not adverb6.  3 8 I wish daddy was here… were Subjunctive7.  4 12 They sat around the campfire watching as the children splash around in the lake… splashed Simple past tense needed8.  5 14 I wish Shannon was here… were Subjunctive9.  5 15 … when he heard the something large moving on the edge…. heard something large Unnecessary word10.  5 15 Samson… walked into camp and laid down And lay down “Laid” comes from “to lay”, a transitive verb.  Simple past tense of intransitive verb, “to lie” is required: “lay”11.  7 20 James saw a group of small hills off to the northeast that were covered with trees for some distance. group… that was covered “Group” is singular and requires a singular verb.  “hills” is plural, but is the object of the preposition “of”.12.  7 23 Lighting bugs twinkled Lightning Misspelled word13.  8 25 None of us are in shape to do this… None of us is “None” is singular and requires a singular verb - one of the most common mistakes in English14.  8 26 The boys were pulling pack horses with what look like a …. what looked like a.. Incorrect verb tense15.  9 26 .. a wood handled auger was used wood-handled auger Must be hyphenated16.  9 26 The mattresses were canvas from a torn Cherokee tents… Mismatched  Must be either “a tent”; or eliminate the “a”17.  9 27 A wave of murmurs swept around the circle as elders. circle of elders Incorrect preposition18.  9 29 … and then we went wadding wading Misspelled word19.  10 30 Samson happened to be walking by just then, so he stops and looks at Matthew for just a second.  All of a sudden, Matthew stops crying and gets a huge grin on his face.  Samson looked away and kept on walking. stopped, looked, stopped, got, looked, kept Inconsistent verb tense.  Should all be in simple past tense20.  11 33 Where’s the dogs? Where are Plural needed21.  11 33 We should know which cave their roosting in tonight or the next. they’re “their” is possessive.  Contraction for “they are” needed22.  11 33 A frog, Shannon said holding her hands toward James. Shannon said, holding.. Comma needed23.  11 34 It seemed everyone seemed drawn to the little boy. Not needed Redundant24.  12 37 The look of abject fear and desperation on Kills Many face… on Kills Many’s face… Possessive requires apostrophe25.  12 38 Molly and Shannon lead the way.. led the way Past tense: lead, led, led26.  12 38 …ignorning Grey Wolfs question Grey Wolf’s question Possessive requires apostrophe27.  13 39 Martha swabbed foot with… Swabbed the foot Missing word28.  14 43 Looks like I’m the hold up here holdup One word, not two29.  14 44 Snow drifted past James red cheeks past James’ red cheeks Possessive requires apostrophe30.  14 44 The morning coughs, and other odd noises as people starting getting up to start their day Should have been attached to first sentence of paragraph with a comma after “around them”. Not a complete sentence; and poorly constructed.31.  14 45 …to serve beans and broccoli for super anyway? … for supper Misspelled word32.  15 47 …he just laid down to get out of… …he just lay down Simple past tense of “to lie”33.  15 47 …James said trying to distract him …James said, trying to distract him Comma needed34.  15 48 …and the men were out cutting logs for cabins urged on by all their wives. For cabins, urged on by all… Comma needed35.  15 48 Samson laid on the edge of… Samson lay on the… Simple past tense of “to lie”36.  16 48 Catching the lions scent Catching the lion’s scent Possessive requires apostrophe37.  16 49 A death spasm of lion’s muscle.. Of the lion’s muscle Missing word38.  16 50 ..watching the young dogs sides rise and fall… the young dog’s sides Possessive requires apostrophe39.  16 51 It will share brick chimney with.. ..share a brick… Missing word40.  16 51 Where the kid’s bedrooms will be ..the kids’ bedrooms Apostrophe goes after the “s” when referring to “kids” plural.41.  17 52 …and it’s just a few of miles west of here Just a few miles west Extra word42.  17 53 It was well passed dark when …well past Incorrect word43.  17 54 Just lay still… Just lie still… Intransitive, not transitive verb44.  17 54 …hope he would feel better in the morning and able ride. …able to ride Missing word45.  18 55 Samson came into camp and flopped down next to James saddle… next to James’ saddle… Possessive requires apostrophe46.  18 56 Other than weed filled piles… Other than weed-filled piles… Hyphen required47.  18 56 …the three rode passed the hill… …the three rode past the hill… Incorrect word48.  18 57 Having passed several intersections they stopped… Having passed several intersections, they stopped… Comma required49.  18 57 …they stopped…to study something laying on the road… …they stopped…to study something lying on the road… Incorrect verb50.  18 57 What do think it is? What do you think it is? Missing word51.  18 57 ..it used to hang up there,” James said pointing up in the air… ..it used to hang up there,” James said, pointing up in the air… Comma required after said52.  18 57 ..town used to be so busy, cars would have to… …used to be so busy cars would… Comma not needed between busy and cars53.  19 58 …driveway to the Colters house Colter’s house Possessive requires apostrophe54.  20 61 …fifteen years old Shannon… …fifteen-year-old Shannon… Incorrect usage55.  20 61 …none the less …nonetheless One word; not three56.  20 61 The younger ones, … had never seen a black person in their life. The younger ones, … had never seen a black person in their lives. …”ones” is plural and requires “lives” instead of “life”57.  20 62 …and even a plow share …plowshare One word; not two58.  20 63 Molly and he wondered if something was wrong …if something were wrong Subjunctive59.  20 63 …Molly said reading the note… …Molly said, reading the note… Comma required after “said”60.  20 63 It’s Samson and Jakes fault… Jake’s fault Possessive requires apostrophe61.  20 64 …and that’s final, Molly said thus ending the argument… Molly said, thus ending the argument… Comma required after “said”62.  20 64 The whole town pitched to get it done. The whole town pitched in to get it done. Missing word63.  21 64 The blacksmith, Lewis Fields and his family were in the last wagon. The blacksmith, Lewis Fields, and his family were in the last wagon. Comma required after “Fields”64.  21 64 Beverly, his wife came with their.. Beverly, his wife, came with their.. Comma required after “wife”65.  21 64 Their six year old boy Jason admired the dogs… Their six-year-old boy, Jason, admired the dogs… Missing hyphens; and comma required after “boy” and “Jason”66.  21 64 …the Field’s daughter …the Fields’ daughter Apostrophe in the wrong place: must go after the “s” since the “s” is part of the name.67.  22 67 The look on James face… The look on James’ face… Possessive requires apostrophe68.  22 69 …their waiting for you… …they’re waiting for you… Wrong word69.  22 69 …the young girl said smiling back.. …the young girl said, smiling back.. Comma required after “said”70.  22 69 ..walked over to shake James hand Shake James’ hand Possessive requires apostrophe71.  22 70 …Maylee said her face a bright red …Maylee said, her face.. Comma required after “said”72.  23 73 All they knew for sure is that he was old and white. All they knew for sure was that he was old and white. Verb tense consistency required73.  24 74 …learn Lewis Fields story … Lewis Fields’ story Possessive requires apostrophe74.  24 74 …all Lewis Fields fault …all Lewis Fields’ fault Possessive requires apostrophe75.  24 75 Their too big… They’re too big… Wrong word76.  24 75 Dalton asked teasing Matthew Dalton asked, teasing Matthew Comma required after “asked”77.  24 76 Kills Many hand went to the knife.. Kills Many’s hand went to the knife.. Possessive requires apostrophe78.  24 76 Kills Many asked pointing to… Kills Many asked, pointing to… Comma required after “asked”79.  24 76 …James said stepping between… …James said, stepping between… Comma required after “said”80.  25 77 …they’d have them out gunned …they’d have themoutgunned One word, not two.81.  25 77 Better than a pig sty. Than a pigsty One word, not two.82.  25 78 …lay in the noon day sun. …lay in the noonday sun. One word, not two.83.  25 78 …but the men had no choice, but to press on. …but the men had no choice but to press on. Comma after “choice” not needed84.  25 78 …Daniel said covering his face… …Daniel said, covering Comma required after “said”85.  25 78 A few miles ahead the tracks… turned A few miles ahead, the tracks turned… Comma required after “ahead”86.  25 78 …to see the Buffalo hunter’s camp …to see the Buffalo hunters’ camp Apostrophe must go after the “s” on hunters since it’s a plural possessive87.  25 78 The horses all tied to a picket line between two trees. The horses all tied to a picket line between two trees. Not a correct sentence – has no predicate.  Could change “all” to “are” and it would be correct.88.  25 78 James asked looking between… James asked, looking … Comma required after “asked”89.  25 79 The albino and woman returning to camp, were too preoccupied with their arguing, to notice anything… …too preoccupied with their arguing to notice Comma not needed after “arguing”90.  25 80 …to the left of the Bates and the woman. …to the left of the Bates and the woman. “the” is incorrect91.  26 80 …and Jake was tore up… …and Jake was torn up… Incorrect verb form92.  26 81 Molly and James were…concerned about….Matthew’s gift with the dogs, becoming public knowledge. …with the dogs becoming public knowledge Comma not needed after “dogs”93.  26 81 …sizzled in pain as he rose; then stood on wobbly legs. …sizzled in pain as he rose, then stood on wobbly legs. Comma, NOT semi-colon needed after “rose”94.  26 81 The dog… stepped … unto the grass … stepped … into the grass Incorrect word95.  26 81 Sure, Matt said sitting on the… …Matt said, sitting … Comma required after “said”96.  26 82 Matthew said now crying… Matthew said, now crying… Comma required after “said”97.  26 83 …James said getting tears in his… …James said, getting tears in his… Comma required after “said”98.  27 85 …that a man that smart, would lose his mind. …a man that smart would lose his mind. Comma after “smart” not needed99.  27 86 …in the bedroom at Martha’s, everyone left as Shannon and Jezebel, did what they could… … as Shannon and Jezebel did what they could… Comma after “Jezebel” not needed100.  27 86 Martha…wanting to help in the worse way. Martha…wanting to help in the worst way. Incorrect form.  Worst way is correct101.  27 86 They removed the maggots after a couple of hours, a poultice applied, and the wound stitched shut. They removed the maggots after a couple of hours, applied a poultice, and stitched the wound shut. Incorrect usage102.  27 86 “No,” Shannon said feeling exhausted “No,” Shannon said, feeling exhausted Comma required after “said”103.  28 86 He was…dependant on others… He was…dependent on others… Incorrect form of word104.  28 87 Molly studied James face… Molly studied James’ face… Possessive requires apostrophe105.  28 87 She’d always known about James love of travel. She’d always known about James’ love of … Possessive requires apostrophe106.  28 88 “Do the Crow fell threatened? “Do the Crow feel… Misspelled107.  28 89 …Dalton said denying the obvious …Dalton said, denying..  Comma required after “said”108.  29 90 After the greeting and some more introductions James, Dalton and Charle were brought into Kills Many tent. After the greeting and some more introductions, James, Dalton and Charlie were brought into Kills Many’s tent. Comma required after “introductions”; and apostrophe required on Kills Many because it is a possessive.109.  29 90 James could tell it hurt Kills Many pride to have come here… James could tell it hurt Kills Many’s pride to… Possessive requires apostrophe110.  29 91 “Both the Chippewa and the Sioux are better warriors then any white people…  “Both the Chippewa and the Sioux are better warriors than any white people…  Incorrect word111.  29 91 “You know more about warfare than any white people.”  Redundant statement.  You just said that in the previous sentence.112.  29 91 …both smiled at James response.  …at James’ response. Possessive requires apostrophe113.  29 91 …only chance for Kills Many son… …only chance for Kills Many’s son… Possessive requires apostrophe114.  29 92 If Kills Many son was still alive… If Kills Many’s son  Possessive requires apostrophe115.  30 93 …once the settlers had snatched Kills Many son …snatched Kills Many’s son. Possessive requires apostrophe116.  30 93 “There,” Dalton said pointing to… “There,” Dalton said, pointing to… Comma required after “said”117.  30 94 He masked Walks Tall scent with.. masked Walks Tall’s scent Possessive requires apostrophe118.  31 96 She told Dalton about many of the dog’s oddities… She told Dalton about many of the dogs’ oddities… More than one dog is being referred to here, so it must be a plural possessive.119.  31 97 But none of us really know. But none of us really knows. Subject is none, not us; and it requires a singular verb.  Most common mistake in English usage.120.  31 97 …caused what few settlements there were, to scurry south again. …caused what few settlements there were to scurry… Comma not needed after “were”121.  31 98 Molly said James and her had almost exactly the same… Molly said she and James had almost exactly the same… Subjective required, not objective.122.  31 99 …all the dogs, laying on the edge… …all the dogs, lying on the edge… Intransitive verb required.  Used correctly sometimes before; why wrong here?