Review: Do Not Read While Drinking, Eating, or Around Family Pets
Rating: 5 out of 5
Date: 11 7, 2013
Nichole Christie has only written two books, and that is not nearly enough. I picked up her debut, "Falling for the Ghost of You" last year, and I laughed throughout the whole thing. The MC, Violet, narrated the book, and her inner monologue, while hysterical, could sometimes be surpassed by the things she said out loud. For example, she had this rather nasty habit of blurting out very inappropriate things when she was nervous in social situations (for example, "penis". Like at dinner, when she meets her new step-brother. Yeah, that kind of funny).So based on that, I should have known NOT to drink or eat while reading this book. I do not learn. Those who do not learn from history are condemned to repeat it. Shortly into the book, when the female MC catches her boyfriend cheating on her, and he says he didn't mean to, she responds with:"And what? You tripped and fell into her vagina?"At that particular moment, I was sipping a Pepsi, which I immediately spewed. Unfortunately, our family's bunny was in the line of spew, and I got her bad. Fortunately, she loves sweet things and happily licked her fur for the next hour. My wife, on the other hand, wanted to know what caused me to do that, and since our teenage son was in the room, there was no way in hell I was repeating the line. She told me I needed more meds. I complied to protect the secret. Needless to say, I slept extremely well that night. Picked up the Kindle first moment I woke up.Now one awesome thing about this book is that it's long - almost 10,000 Kindle locations. For $2.99, it's an incredible bargain. You love the book and it lasts.Juliet was incredible. Besides being wickedly funny, she was tough. She displayed that toughness several times and it made me want to fist bump (I mean, the book does involve the football team). She thinks very inappropriate thoughts. For example, several times she lets her thoughts stray to being the shower with her (sort of) ex and her (sort of boyfriend). Who are step-brothers. So that would be really, really wrong. She's a pervert and she admits it to herself. Don't worry, it doesn't go beyond fantasies - this is not a paranormal werewolf ménage book.She has problems. Her best friend is a lesbian (which is only a problem because she wants her to fix her up with a girl who (a) Juliet hates and (b) is probably straight. This worries her). That fact that she's apparently an alcoholic worries her even more. Her mother works all the time, so when she's actually home, she's either too tired to talk or she's asleep. Her father has taken up with a much younger woman, and she can hear them getting it on whenever she stays over...which is so not cool.Best friend Heather is a riot also. She's always offering to beat up Juliet's enemies or perhaps have her uncle do something more...permanent (I love that in a best friend). Johnny is a schmuck. He loves Juliet, he cheats on her, he's incredibly self-destructive. But he's likeable, because no matter what, he will still protect Julie. You kind of forgive him for that cheating part (so does Juliet). Dean is both mysterious and looks like a super model. Every girl in school wants him. They don't get him. Juliet does.There is one character in the book who is so wicked, so depraved, so evil - her picture should be beside the definition of "Mean Girl". Personally, I would have murdered her. Fortunately, I was not in the book and she is a fictional character. Juliet handles her just fine. I still think she should have taken Heather up on her offer.I regret that this book is finished. I pray that the author is slaving away, writing her next one (she's allowed to get nutrition...and bathroom breaks. Nothing else). Get this book as fast as possible. Then grab "Falling for the Ghost of You". You will be so happy you did. Just remember the no eating or drinking rule. For the sake of the bunnies, of course.