Review: Open your Kindle file for me
Rating: 2 out of 5
Date: 04 26, 2013
Determined to make it into the most elite reviewer club Amazon has, I showed up at the appointed time.  As instructed, I was dressed in some comfy reading clothes, including my favorite baggy cardigan.  If I made it into the club, I'd get first crack at the best self-published writing that Amazon has to offer.  I knew that it was a long shot, but I'd do anything to make it in.I had a thrill of nervousness when I found out my test would be to read this short story.  In all my clumsy fumblings, I'd never before reviewed a college secret society-themed erotic short with elements of heavy domination and humiliation."It sounds so implausible," I murmured.  "I don't know if I will be able to read . . . all of it.""You can and you will," the bookish young man standing in front of me growled.  "Now download this story immediately."I downloaded it to the Kindle App on my phone.  The phone's memory is pretty small, so I wasn't sure if it would all fit.  Fortunately, this file is small too, but not so small that I didn't feel a thrill when I saw that it was done downloading."Is that it?" I asked, biting my lip.  "All I need to do is read it and write a review?""Not quite."  The bookish young man pushed his glasses up on his nose and smiled slowly at me.  "Come over here in front of this window.  Read it right here.""But members of my book club are standing out there," I stammered.  "You mean they are going to see me reading this?"  I had already opened the file and noticed how clumsy the author's language was, how she didn't even use "abuts" correctly."Oh, yes," he murmured back, his fingers running slowly over the screen of my phone where the words pulsed electronically.  "They are all going to see you reading this."Thinking of how much I wanted to be in the club, I slowly walked over to the window.  With their eyes on me, I dutifully finished the story."I don't think a jet of water can penetrate anally without causing internal injuries," I protested.  "Also, I really don't understand how this club operates.""Save your opinion for the review," my tormenter sneered.Finally, it was over.  I was confused and mentally sore, but determined to write my review.  As I asked if he had a computer available, the bookish young man smiled."That was part one of the initiation.  You will have to purchase, read, and review the rest of the series in order to be in the super-secret-awesome-reviewer club.""Forget this," I cried.  "I'd rather review on my own forever than pay for this stuff!"TL; DR:  This story is not very good at all.