Review: Not bad story, but dear gods get a proofreader
Rating: 4 out of 5
Date: 01 27, 2013
Over all I liked the story itself. The setup, concepts, even the Admirals plans for the universe all seem appropriate. Not much on the action, dialogue, emotions, but adequate if a little flat. I am definitely going to read the second in the series.The OMG! Scratching my eyes out in pain, comes from the proofreading, or rather lack thereof.There used for They're. Were used for We're. Grouse used for Gross. Near total to/too confusion. Not just once or twice, but over and over again. Almost made me wonder in the author wasn't a native English speaker.On several occasions the author changed his mind, rewrote a scene, or altered dialogue, and left both versions in place.I think there was a flashback in there, but as it was written it is just a totally incongruous scene featuring a young boy and an Admiral. But...???It is written almost as a diary collection of scenes with out clear bridges to indicate time passage. Adding dates, or a clear timeline might help there.Sorry if I seem too critical, it is just I think the author has great potential as a storyteller. Just please take the time and recruit someone to proof the work first.