Review: "I told you your t**s belong to me." - is only one of a plethora of ridiculous lines.
Rating: 2 out of 5
Date: 01 27, 2014
My husband prefers classics, thrillers, and more abstruse literary writings, but he placates me on occassion by reading something I buy or download free, even when it's chic-lit and romance. He usually only gets a few pages into a read unless a friend recommends for his opinion or if he's bored and sees some New Read in our Kindle and PC Library. This time, he wouldn't deign to lift a finger to give this a 1 star review, however bet me I couldn't finish it. Dinner on the water was great incentive and I didn't find the writing style as awful as some so-called Amazon Best-Sellers (how do they not feel guilt for slapping that label on their books knowing their coordinated sales within a specific time frame was what moved their ranking into a top slot for all of 48 hours?).  I read the entire book in a few days, not just because I wanted to win a bet, but because this read was funny without intending to be. I was only slightly offended by the setting supposedly being Martha's Vineyard - a town where no one in their right mind would go skinny dipping in months ending in ER or RY without catching pneumonia or worse. Our last trip there was at the end of September and if anyone appeared in a tank top, that man would have likely been put in a straight jacket to warm him on the way to the looney bin. But Belmont Lord is a different kind of guy (really, a man over thirty in a tank top?) and does pretty much whatever he sets his mind on.Belmont all but stalks Daisy Blanchard until she finally gives in to his pathetic gestures. This thirty-five year old male hunk is one messed up piece of work, so you have to wonder if Daisy might be ingesting some of the mystery weed (uh, huh) Belmont buys or if she's another senseless idiot who falls for anyone with broad shoulders and a bulky package between their legs. Her character was flaky with or without weed, but the funny part of this book is the obnoxious terms the author uses to relate sex.  After laughing at so many of the phrases, I had to write a review just to share with prospective readers.  I mean if a woman her age doesn't know what a clitoris is, I feel sad for her.  Especially since she admits to having other sexual experiences and a long-term relationship.  But you be the judge and ask yourself if the author was trying to make the narration by Daisy sound like that of a pre-teen.  Whatever her objective, it was a big time fail for this reader.Too many adjectives/adverbs, unnecessary dialogue tags, a terrible plot, bad transition between narrative POVs, countless immature love scenes, unevenly paced, and unnecessary descriptions will almost force you to stop reading (even her attempt at symbolism a la Nathaniel Hawthorne fell flat), but some lines were so unintentionally funny, I persevered. I'll leave you with just one of many doozies contained in this writing: "When the sun comes up, he's still filling me with liquid fertilizer"