Review: As a writer and a publisher, this essay made me laugh so hard I thought I would die.
Rating: 5 out of 5
Date: 02 18, 2013
This essay was exactly what I needed to read, right when I needed to read it. And the pitch of the satire was freaking PERFECT. I am emailing the link to this essay to every writer friend that I have. And also, I perused the other reviews of this essay and I have to say, I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHY AMAZON REVIEWERS ARE OFFENDED BY SWEAR WORDS. I mean, the year is 2013. We're in the future, right? Or maybe Amazon also existed/exists in 1850, across a sort of space-time continuum, a wrinkle in the fabric of space-time, if you will. Amazon has grown so large that it has transcended an entire century. It will not fit in the present; it has bled into the past. And so reviewers of yore arrive here as though washed up on the shores of foreign continents, they read books, and they are completely shocked by the inhibition of the language, which threatens to crumble their carefully constructed ideas of what they know to be good and pure and real. They are incensed because they were only browsing for church pamphlets, and the "customers also bought" section of their browser page persuaded them to purchase a strange text on the strength of its good reviews. And within this text they find syntax so appalling yet strangely provocative that they have to finish the book, if only to write a more scathing review. And although life after that moment is irreparably changed, they know that at least they have done their duty.