Review: Decent proofreading, but...
Rating: 2 out of 5
Date: 12 20, 2013
Other than the lame writing and lack of depth to the characters, it's best characterized by poor and undeveloped theology.  If you don't want to follow Christian theology in writing about Heaven, that's an author's prerogative, but you must then replace it with a theology of your own.  Lucifer, the great angel who, in his pride, instigated a war against God and was cast down in chains, is a character with an established place in Christian theologies.  You cannot remove God from your theology (while leaving Heaven somehow intact, despite it being "the place and presence of God"), pluck Satan/Lucifer out of context (while removing every identifying characteristic from his character and reducing him to a cardboard cutout with no back-story), and expect to be in any way believable.When authors are told "Write what you know," they are indeed too limited, but 'write what you know ABOUT' keeps authors from fatal flaws.  You wouldn't find believable a book about the Middle Ages written by someone who had never heard of feudalism (or, for you, Mr. Weiss, a book about some igneous rocks' adventures written by someone who knew nothing about geology, and who thought 'strata' described Italian lines).  Don't expect to write theology-- which is what you're attempting here, however light-heartedly-- if you don't know your subject.  I'm not saying that you have to write Christian theology, by any means.  However, you have to develop an alternate theology before you can write about it, and unless you're skilled at it, you're better off leaving 'characters' such as Satan and Sisyphus, who have defined roles within their own theological milieus, out of your book-- if you can't truly replace the theologies already essential to your characters' backstories with your own version, they will always bring their known histories with them, hurting your writing irreconcilably.A second, much briefer point: your title promised transcripts, but in this short piece I only found narrative writing.  You might consider looking up "transcript" for a definition of the term, and perhaps looking at some transcripts to see their format.And please, don't stop writing... just do your homework first.