Review: Grossly Overwritten Review of The Tycoon's Lonely Queen on New Years
Rating: 1 out of 5
Date: 11 27, 2012
Blown loads; let's discuss for a moment...The act of blowing a load is one of the most revered moments in a mans lifetime.  Blowing a load is an experience that leaves a man weightless, shivering, and Oedipus-esque begging ones mother.  Either our author, Mr. Rod Harder (hmm...name), has blown only a few loads in his day or he only does so after 35 drinks.In this short story, a blown load is simply a 'blown load'.  Let me express with a little prose how I might blow a load:'As I drove my disemboweling-skin-porpoise deep into her salmon-sock, I felt a wave of fear rear itself from the tip of my rectum to the follicles of my scalp.  There, on that bed, as I was wailing showtunes and recklessly swinging my arms over head like a clumsy marionette, my mate Tittiana, was convulsing on her back as if possessed by an otter in the clutches of a jellyfish. In a trance-like state, I let the ghosts of my ancestors grab the corners of my quivering hips and allowed them to plunge me inward and out of Tittiana's warm nautilus with the ferocity of a spring snowbeast. We were writhing in ultimate agony together as we reached the apex of our lascivious romp.  My face began to feel as though it were being sucked through a blender via a black hole. All was becoming dark and my thrusting shortened as it prepared for a coital launch sequence.  In an instant then, the mighty Zeus reached down from the heavens and clutched the corona of my demonstrative skin-scythe, squeezing it with his electric grip until its hue deepened to a royal grape. Megawatts of voltage coursed through my veins and erupted out of my mouth as a ringing of a mighty bell accompanied by 400 pan flutes.  Beams of light exploded from Tittiana's bouncing bosom, blinding me to the vision of an old shrew.  We collapsed in sequence to the once bed, now cumulus cloud, moaning like pregnant teenagers.  We blew our loads....together.'As it stands, I am resorted to simply offering a 1-star rating, in return asking for a more complete vision of a blown load from the author in a second round of writing.  Mr. Harder, the load is in you.  I'm asking for you to release it.