Review: So emotional
Rating: 5 out of 5
Date: 08 30, 2013
My heart hurts.. so much.I have never, ever read a book where my feelings have been so conflicted not only throughout, but since finishing too. I read that last chapter, cried, and read it again and still couldn't believe what I was reading. It broke my heart. I really don't know how to review this book without giving away a) spoilers, or b) without doing it the complete and utter justice that it deserves. It was beyond incredible and I feel pretty damn honoured to be saying that for the second time this week. Reading really does make me happy and it's books like this that make all the sleepless nights worthwhile!"I didn't fall in love, I walked smack into it and then fell flat on my a$$."Before starting I knew the book was going to rip my heart to shreds, I had read that much on peoples updates and reviews. But that was all. I had no clue what the pain was going to entail. I had no idea that I was going to fall for 'the bad guy' or that at the same time as loving him, I would feel so much sadness for 'the good guy'. I was so confused. And, I call them good and bad but in reality, they both had a lotta goodness AND badness in each of them. It is no surprise Cathy was so torn.So.. on to Cathy. I read a lot of people talking about how much they hated her, some even going as far as calling her a c*nt. Yes, Ela, I'm talking about you ;). And whilst I did not agree with her actions in the slightest, I could not deny my understanding of them. She's grown up in a family of two - just her and her daddy. But that all changed when in college, she meets somebody who is to become the complete and utter love of her life - Ben. Ugh.... poor Ben. I both loved and hated him. In the present, the two of them have been together for over 11 years and shared so, so very much. Love, heart ache, happiness, complete sadness and the most painful form of heart break you can imagine. Their marriage is hanging on by a thread. And in comes Arsen.. ready to completely rock her world."When our eyes connect, I see danger, and maybe something exciting. Something forbidden. Some basic instinct in my instantly recognizes that this man doesn't make love to a woman. He effs her."Arsen was everything that Ben wasn't, but not in a good or bad way. He was just SO completely different. He was fire, rage, hard-ness and 100% unpredictable. With a marriage in tatters, Arsen ignites something in Cathy that she hasn't felt in such a long time. Finally, she feels wanted, desired, lusted after. It's so wrong, but in some ways so very right. I hate cheating, it really is my least favourite thing in a book, which is why it shocks me so much that I was so readily able to read this book and enjoy. And I did enjoy it, even whilst my heart was breaking.Ben was perfect for the non-grieving, happy Cathy. Arsen was perfect for the wild, unpredictable and dare I say it.. crazy? Cathy. I was so conflicted and confused. Equally I wanted them to be happy but I knew it just wasn't possible and every single time one of them showed their hurt, caused by Cathy, I just wanted to slap some sense in to her. There were some lines in this book that had me wanting to walk away and just forget it because they were so painful, and knowing the hurt she was causing two people who loved her so much was, at times, hard to stomach. The writing was that powerful. It may be wrong, being that Arsen was sleeping with the married woman, but I'm not going to lie.. I was on his side. I wanted needed him to get his happily ever after, and I knew he could get that with Cathy. If only she would let him. I know she was married to Ben, and he was ultimately the love of her life, but at times I felt like he didn't deserve her. But, thinking back on that now that I am not reading it anymore, I guess his actions were understandable. Both of them were going through so much pain in their marriage, I can't imagine how to deal with that. And Arsen was there to take it all away from Cathy.. to quote her "Make me forget. Please, make me forget." There was so much pain and truth in her words. And I had to hand it to her for being honest, even though every time she said it my heart broke a little more for Arsen."People say that if you play with fire, you'll get burned. Well, when it comes to Arsen, I not only want to get burned, I want to be incinerated."The actual writing of this whole book was flawless. I can't imagine how much of a difficult book it is to write, you are going to annoy a lot of people and potentially lose readers, just because of the nature of it. I've recently read books with cheating in it and I all I felt was disgust, it wasn't done in the right way. Arsen though.. I couldn't have asked for any of it to be different. The majority of it is written in the present, watching Cathy slowly spiraling out of control, but we get snippets in to her's and Ben's past. How they met, their first few months together and their engagements and I think that really helped the story.We are also treated to a few chapters, paragraphs and snippets in both Arsen and Ben's POV which I loved. As I have said, so much of it was heart breaking, but being inside their heads gave the reader such an overall effect on how they were dealing with the situation they were given. It was so necessary and so well received by me."Love is never supposed to hurt. Love is supposed to heal, to be your haven from misery, to make living worthwhile. But as I stare at my wife, I know it's all effin bllsh1t.Love has the power to destroy you.Love has the power to bury you alive in a coffin full of pain and despair, robbing you of air, of the will to live."Ok.. I'm going to try and wrap this up because I have RAMBLED. As for the ending I am going to say that it was bitter sweet, I guess. The second to last chapter upset me to no end BUT I could have lived with it, I could have come to terms with it in time. And then I got to the last chapter.. and my heart just BROKE. It broke for every single character in that story because ultimately, all of them are living with some kind of hurt. I feel that the story could go further, for one particular character any way, and on one hand I would love to read another book, but on the other, I don't know whether these characters (or me, for that matter!) could take any more heart ache."Missing you is a sickness I can't cure, and it's effin killing me."This book deserves 5 stars and so much more. I loved it so much.