Review: A Book Loaded with Excellence
Rating: 5 out of 5
Date: 05 28, 2014
The following review has appeared previously on The Magnolia Blossom Review, a site owned and maintained by L. Avery Brown. The book was donated to The MBR by the author in return for a fair and honest review. This review was completed by: Patrick Sean Lee. Patrick has given L. Avery Brown permission to submit the review to Amazon on her behalf.And Now for the Review...Review by Patrick Sean Lee1. Book Title - 10 of 10  Goldilocks by Patria DunnI’m going to give this one a 10. A single word, one that nearly everyone is familiar with that brings an immediate image to mind. We’re all familiar with the fairytale…what’s the connection to the character within, you wonder? Or IS there even a connection? “Bear” in mind, I haven’t read the blurb yet.2. Book Cover - 10 of 10 Again, I have to give this a 10. Maybe a 9.5. No, a 10. It’s striking with the deep green background of a dense forest; a bear peering out at Goldilocks. Okay, the connection is being made. But HOW will the author update the fairytale? It’s obviously set in our era because of the next nice aspect…the image of a beautiful young girl dominating. Something about her bangs? The almost-detached look on her face? Whatever, it does its job marvelously. The complimentary colors add to the impressiveness of the entire image, especially the text of the title, blending the greens and golds, and the author name at the bottom that mirrors the title, less pronounced. Excellent.3. The First 500... 10 of 10No doubt here. You must captivate the potential reader in those first few opening pages, and Dunn does it extremely well. We have immediate scene-setting, and the introduction of Paul Adler, father of Hannah, aka Goldilocks. He has a problem. He has terrible memories of a slain wife, and on top of that, an unhappy daughter with whom he can’t/hasn’t spent enough time with lately. But perhaps more importantly, we are set into a definite place with him, with movement; an apartment in D.C., and we’re immediately grounded. I like that. I want to continue reading.4. Age Recommendation/Genre - - 10 of 10Definitely no problem here. With one addendum: I don’t see either genre or age recommendation listed anywhere. I assume, however, that it’s YA, meant for ages 15 and over.5. Presentation/format - 8 of 10It’s hard to beat Amazon’s digital services. We’re all quite used to their great book interior designs these days. I would only have wanted to see a bit more care taken inside to separate chapters; start a new page for each transition. Even so, it’s a minor thing and really didn’t distract. Note: I’ll clarify this at the end of my review…6. Theme and originality 10 of 10It’s quite common for writers to take hold of mythological or fairy tale themes, and then give them a new twist. The key to success is in the re-creation of an entire world, or a microcosm world, utilizing characters with whom the reading public is familiar. Again, though, the reader approaches the book with a certain degree of skepticism. I certainly did. Are Goldilocks and the Three Bears cliché in this telling? Not in Dunn’s book. They are light years different than Southey’s creations.Theme? It isn’t new—Love blossoms, is endangered, but in the end it conquers in the face of great odds. It’s a tried and true theme, and Dunn succeeds.7. Description and Enhancement - 9 of 10I’m tempted to give Goldilocks a solid 10, but there are flaws in places that I’ll cover later. Patria Dunn has something unique to talented writers; the ability to move characters through situations smoothly, and nearly flawlessly. Example of her narrative skill:“Golden hair swirled around the figure that was reaching for her. That smile, those eyes, she’d almost forgotten how beautiful they were in person. There was so much she wanted to say, so much that belched up from her belly and lodged in the back of her throat. Her hand lifted to close the gap and then drew back in surprise at the trickle of blood trailing from an inch long slit, down her arm.Hannah flinched as the pain suddenly became real, her fingers suddenly intertwined with Jake’s as he pulled her away from what she’d just found again. She wanted to fight him, to grab hold of her mother and never let go, but she couldn’t. She was weightless and floating despite the heaviness that suddenly consumed her. Blackness threatened to suck her under once more, her eyes straining to focus on thThe book is loaded with this kind of excellence. Particularly moving is the second paragraph in the above example.e fading figure.”There is plot, the most important part of any novel, but supporting that plot a writer must have the indefinable instinct to pull extremely colorful descriptions, seemingly out of thin air. It isn’t easy. I think it’s a gift.8. Intrigue 10 of 10I must add tension to this category. They’re soul mates in novel-writing. Without any qualms, a 10.What will happen to a girl uprooted from a large city and flung into a backwater Colorado mining town? And worse, not even IN the town itself; stuck in a cabin miles away in the mountains? How will Lindsey disrupt Hannah’s life because of her jealousy? Can Hannah survive those attacks out in the wilds? Will Jake’s father go ballistic when he is forced to meet Hannah halfway through the story? In what way will the Kind resolve the growing dilemma? Can they? And more, and more.So, it’s all there, cleverly set up, and each time resolved. Yes, 10.9. Mechanics and  Grammar 5 of 10This is the one area in which Patria Dunn fell. It might be fine for a teen or sub-teen to read (I even question that), but conscientious readers MUST stumble time and again at the plethora of oopses…all of which could have been addressed before publication by utilizing the talents of a good line editor. Even a thorough self-edit would have caught most of the misspells and other mistakes. I began making a list early on. From that list:Page 14-tree tops overheard,…”overhead”.Page 17-her feet carrying her further…a common error by writers. “farther” (a distance).Page 18-halted his full on run…what happened to hyphens? “Full-on”Chapter 11-soft sighs ever so often,…”every”.Chapter 13, page 77-There scent…Our eyes, as writers, gloss over the obvious. “Their eyes”.“  “, Page 79-its sharp teeth barred at the sound of another howl…”teeth bared”.Chapter 18, Page 101--ran his fingers threw his tangled locks…”through”.Chapter 21, Page 117--there had been no incidences at the mine today. “incidents”.In ones and twos, these errors can be forgiven, but unfortunately, the entire book’s merit is diminished when we continually stumble over them.Maybe nit-picky, but this one struck me hard. “Chapter 27, Pg.  146--Good, but you’re watching my face when you should be watching my body. Which way will I move next? “ I red-highlighted, ‘you’re watching my face when you should be watching my body.’ Oh Lord, no. ANY combatant is trained to watch the eyes of an opponent! Jake is a trained fighter. Powerful and cagey. I don’t think Rone would have taught him to watch a fierce opponent’s body. The eyes always give away the next move. Okay, yes, that was nit-picky, but it displayed an error in research (or experience). A distraction from an otherwise moving scene.Commas missing in many sentences where a pause is needed, but these days that little beast is used differently—sometimes TOO often, and at other times, not enough. Note A.S. Byatt’s punctuation (Mann/Booker winner) compared to McCourt’s or McCarthy’s (Pulitzer winners). Go fish.10. Overall Impression 10 of 10DESPITE the low rating I felt compelled to give for “mechanics and grammar”, regarding the lack of basic editing needed, I loved this book. The reasons are manifold; a few I mentioned above…great cover, great title…but mainly I was enamored by the characters of Hannah and Jake. How Dunn presented their vastly different worlds and personalities. Hannah is real, thanks to Dunn’s ability to begin with a girl in her teens, troubled, but who grows continuously throughout the course of the book, in an environment that would sink most citified teens. Jake, who has the same teenage angsts, although initiated under vastly different circumstances, and manifested in ways unique to his character.  Not strangely, I was taken by the romantic scenes between Jake the human/bear and Hannah, the teenage girl. VERY well done. The secondary characters throughout were rendered well, if perhaps not developed entirely—to the extent I would like to have seen. But seriously…and a good book boils down to this…I loved her plot. It worked. Cap it all off with an ending that…well, read it for yourself. I closed the book satisfied.A note: Patrick read the book in Word doc. format. He assumes this was the final edition as presented at Amazon Books. He did go to the 'Look Inside' feature at Amazon in order to view actual formatting, and to see if the grammar/punctuation errors were there confirming what he had assumed.The Bestowing of the Blossoms...After all the points are tallied, we're pleased to say that Patria Dunn's Goldilocks has earned 91 out of 100 points giving it 5 BIG BEAUTIFUL BLOSSOMS! Way to go. We wish all the best to Ms. Dunn and hope to be reading more from her soon!