Review: too easy /contrived
Rating: 2 out of 5
Date: 06 7, 2012
This piece is really a prelude to a full length with same main character.  It is a "teaser" to tempt you or interest you enough to move on to the other work.  Seeming - works. Likely a series type character.  Which can be irritating if expecting more, but, the author sets forth the agenda in his intro.  So, fine.The character is not fully fleshed out - which is likely due to length - in part.  Part is likely due to character will be fleshed further in the full length.  The small problem with so little detail on MC is that there is nothing told to make one like the guy.  There is nothing to draw interest of reader (in this particular work) so that they think "mmmm...I can see why he does what he does or how he came to such..." I wanna know more.  I want next installment.  Just does not happen.The shortfall on MC can and will be forgiven by many readers. After all, it IS just a prelude and taking another chance is not a huge deal.  As long as other draw (voice, style, wit, etc.)there.  I find myself trying to find another draw to show the readers.  I am coming up short.  The affect was bland.  I think the writer was going for wry humor with MC dialogue and Blase' thoughts.  But, some felt flat and forced as I read.  I think there may be something in a longer work that just did not show effectively here.  The story premise is a good one (if a bit cliched) - is the second one of this type I have read in past 3 days.  Still, the writer may pull off unique scenes if given longer time to set pace.This was a fast read.  For length.  Some of the writing was stilted and predictible.  The female character was very much a cliche character.  In description and dialogue.There are several errors related to punctuation and grammar (incorrect /missing /wrong words and punctuation) .There is a substantial inconsistency in story with a weapon and also with the timeline.  The MC got done working at midnight, had an encounter /scuffle, went to a bar, met a man and had a pretty indepth conversation with him - then ended up at another bar called "Hell" a little after midnight.  That was some fast moving.It is really not believable that this guy completed his contract in a mere 4 hours either.  Perhaps I read too much and am just used to more storyline via surveillance - but a rush to complete contract seems like a good way to get MC killed.  It is also not that believable that the person to be the "mark" was as ill prepared for something like this as he showed to be.  Mob hit men don't stay alive very long unless they are prepared for themselves being a hit.  He would have had a weapon or something close by.I think that is the crux of my dissatisfaction:  the hit was just too contrived, beginning to end.