Review: The Cost of Loving Wade Kelly
Rating: 4 out of 5
Date: 08 26, 2013
When Matt Dixon, of 'The Cost of Loving' by Wade Kelly, comes out of the closet, it's freeing, especially since he no longer has to lie about who he is, but, there are consequences. His family, friends, and coworkers thought they knew him. When they find out he is gay, it is a shock; they feel betrayed and deceived. Regardless of how they feel about him being gay, their faith in him is broken. Matt has a lot of trust-building to do, especially with Darian, the boy he loves.In many aspects, Matt lived his life on the surface, avoiding emotional entanglements, trying to keep his two worlds separate. This necessitates him to lie most of the time, to bob and weave, never being able to settle down and be the honest, sincere person everyone thinks him to be. So deep is his deceit that it prevents him from recognizing what is important and is slowly destroying him. Until he meets Darian, his best friend Jimmy's fiancé, he never sees a reason to change. Instead of building trust and understanding what they are both feeling, they plunge headfirst into a tempestuous affair, with neither one sure about what their involvement means, just needing the mind-numbing result of their physical encounters to stave off their grief. The end result is two very confused people torn between love and guilt for moving too fast, dishonoring their friend, and earning the disapproval of almost everyone around them.Darian is such a sweet loving person who has never been treated with the respect he deserves. He is so fragile before Jimmy commits suicide that afterwards things get even worse. Riddled with guilt, he goes back to drugs and cutting himself as a way of coping. Even that only helps so much. He is so broken that he begins to hallucinate, personifying his guilt in the form of his dead lover, letting the anger and bitterness pour out of this ethereal monster causing him to have a total breakdown.This book confronts a lot of complicated issues, i.e., homosexuality, homophobia, sex addiction, cutting, drug addiction, mental illness, etc., in a direct and, at times, brutal way. The story is quite long, detailed, informative, and heart-breaking, but there are also moments of joy, happiness, and forgiveness. I recommend this story to fans of the first story, of course, and to others who want to read a book about serious subjects which will make you think, feel, and react. Thanks, Wade, for continuing Matt and Darian's story. This review was originally posted at Rainbow Book Reviews.