Review: Bad, bad beginning; good, good middle; bad, bad ending
Rating: 3 out of 5
Date: 08 17, 2011
Although I do think that this story could have been really good, I'm afraid it fell just a little too short for me.  Like another reviewer said, the words "dark, dark" are used overwhelmingly in the first part of this story (which is basically a paragraph since the story is so short).  It was as if the dark, dark author was using a dark, dark adjective everywhere she could in every dark, dark sentence.  By the time that paragraph was done, everything was running together.  My head was reeling a bit, too.  However, once we get into the middle of the story, the author really takes off, describing everything in excellent detail.  It was as if she was having to describe a page from an "I Spy" book, and she most certainly did a good job of giving us readers a mental picture of his house.  Unfortunately, the ending, once again, disappointed.  I really thought the author had such a good ball rolling before simply dropping it.  What was the ending supposed to convey to the reader?  I have several ideas, but it would have been nice for the author to lengthen it out just a little bit more and create a truly superb story.  As this story is right now, though, it's very short but doesn't seem to have a purpose.  It doesn't engulf the reader in a full plot or idea, and some of the writing at the beginning is definitely distracting.  If you want to read it, it will only take up about two minutes of your time, but I'd still recommend skipping it and searching for a better flash fiction story.