Review: Potential with so-so plot and terrible editing
Rating: 2 out of 5
Date: 06 29, 2011
The predominant issue with this book is the editing.  Just about every sentence is a run-on sentence.  I tried to ignore them, but reading them is the literary equivalent of tumbling down a hill.  On one page, the average sentence was five or six lines long -- all joined together with commas and very difficult to follow comfortably.Putting aside the editing issue (which I know the author is aware of, but hasn't yet fixed), the novel would be 2.5 or 3 stars.  The basic premise of the book -- retired police chief from Wisconsin helps solve mysteries in Palm Springs -- isn't bad, but the actual mechanics of it leave some questions.  I need more back story to help me understand why a small town police chief would have the ability to be especially good at solving these mysteries (the story of him just being a "natural" at profiling and even doing freelance profiling for the F.B.I. didn't ring true).  We never really saw Henry being good at figuring things out or having special insight into people.  He just sort of talks to people and the mystery solves itself.  It was kind of like watching your grandpa solve a case -- not a detective grandpa, but just your regular grandpa.I also had lingering questions about the plot.  The device of the autographed pictures didn't make sense.  I don't understand why somebody would be more likely to buy a house if there was an autographed picture of a celebrity in it . . . either you're an easy mark for that sort of scam or you aren't.  What was the picture supposed to convey -- that the celebrity had left an autographed picture of themselves before moving out?  It also didn't make sense that nobody on the police force wanted to solve the crime because they'd heard rumors that the victim liked to have sex with teenage boys.  Detectives can't just opt out of murder investigations -- they may do a halfway job, but they can't just call in a local volunteer.I give the author credit for attempting to create some characters that add life to the book.  Wayne and Henry were too alike to be distinguishable -- they need to be able to play off of each other better if this is going to be a successful series.  Charles was actually an good character and I can see the potential there.  It was jarring to have him continually introduce himself with "Heeey," when no other dialogue had any sort of spelling alteration to imply dialect.  It was distracting and unnecessary.  The character of Amit was interesting in that you could see the author's attempt to surround Henry with characters who were very different -- Amit was young, of a different race and nationality, technically savvy, and very different in personality.  Like the vast majority of the dialogue, Amit's didn't ring true, but with more work and development (in dialogue and character), I can see this being a solid group and am hoping maybe Amit is being set up as a regular character.This has the potential to be a good series.  It isn't there yet, but I would check out future books if I felt the author addressed the editing, tightened plots, and focused on characterization.  I think there is room in the mystery world for a detective like Henry.