Review: so so premise - poor production wise
Rating: 2 out of 5
Date: 07 16, 2012
As indicated by description - this is a vampire tale.  I don't read this type of story often.  This may be an example (a good one) of why.The story/premise:  heroine is niave human who encounters vampires and is part of the key to vampires finding a "lost place of light" and allowing them "to be able to be in the light (literally) "  A niave heroine falls for exotic & erotic vampire "hero" who has exotic eyes and can produce exotic and erotic feelings /thoughts in her.  Sounds exotic and erotic - right?  Yeah, until one realizes that the women groupies are exotic and beautiful, the houses are exotic, the sensations are exotic and erotic, the images are erotic and the dances are erotic too, as are the sensations (I put this twice for is stated more than once in text)  and experiences.  What I am trying to point out is the lack of individuality of people and situations contained in text.  If EVERYTHING is exotic or erotic (or both at same time) - well then, nothing seems all that erotic OR exotic.  This is just two examples of repetitive use of words to describe people, places, feelings. There are others used as much (or more) - which lends to carbon copy feel of characters across the board.  So, character development was inadequate.  There was flat affect - especially related to our heroine.  She shows NO surprise, no fear, no angst, no trepidation, no hysteria at all related to walking into a den of vampires, squaring off against them, or meeting them alone.  Same goes with ghost encounter - *shrug* "just another thingy" without any real emotional showing what one would expect given outline that states she does not even believe in vampires.  She basically just accepts any information with a Blase' attitude.  It is just not believable she did not have more reaction.  Same lack of reaction when her mother confronted with knowledge about a secret kept for years and years.  Same thing when the heroine finds out truth about self related to her being of key importance to whole plot. No reaction (of substance) to finding out about siblings and father.  It was like the heroine was walking around with an IV drip of sedatives with the lack of emotion she displayed.Romance was not believable - even given genre.  If this was purely romance and it followed the formula outlined for such, it is not a horrible presentation.  However, since the formula not really followed, the plot device did not ring true - nor add anything to arc except the words exotic, erotic and hypnotic, mezmerizing.Things were started and people introduced - but never finished - a dude climbs in for a trio and that is all he is there for? Sex and one message?  The brothers cannot fight for some unknown code never explored /explained.  There is the oldest and most powerful vampire that is afraid to do things or confront others without reason how /why. Just really a lot started and not finished.  Now, one can claim is part of series and will be told later.  Sure,  but ALL cannot be just left hanging - not such a large portion of things introduced without any resolution.  We had the were dude and the siblings bit and Donovan and Omar and the place of light all to do in the series...the rest untold was just too much.  I prefer stand alones, but even going out on limb to say okay to some? The branch does NOT support all the unfinished business in this manuscript.Punctuation and grammar were very poor and this should have another read through to correct the numerous errors contained in the text.  While one certainly applauds the self pubbed author for putting their work out there, the work needs be something acceptable for submission at least.  Due to the premise having only small novelty (when considering all the big titles out there in genre) the workmanship really needs to shine to set apart a commonly told premise from other similar works out there.The excerpt contained is for next in series.  However, it strays from the context laid out in this one.  These girls are key to secret knowledge and are born to their condition.  Yet, the excerpt outlays a premise of the next possible sibling being a witch.  Now, she may have that skill and her born blood bit -  but the introduction of the new craft only adds to the difficulty of the telling overall.  If she cannot define her characters and plot devices with ONE arc (she cannot as evidenced by lack of cohesive delivery, poor dialogue, overuse of same descriptions/adjectives, no character development and her novice work of TELL versus SHOW (it should be other way around)) - adding MORE to her underworked arc development is just nailing jello to the wall.It CAN be said that this author has a creative process that they should explore.  It just needs be explored more and honed properly prior to selling.Christine