Review: Life Is Precious - Make the Most of Every Moment!
Rating: 5 out of 5
Date: 05 22, 2013
Its October of 2008 and author/humorist Borowitz is suffering from abdominal pains, constipation, and a bloated stomach. Per an Internet search, he tries prune juice and exercise. His wife then calls their health insurance company's hotline, fills the nurse in on his symptoms, and after she learns he hasn't passed gas in at least 24 hours, sternly directs that he get to an E.R., ASAP. After waiting two hours before anyone sees him at a hospital consistently rated on of the top ten in America, they take some x-rays and move Andy to a room to wait for a doctor.Finally, a doctor enters, looking all of 12 years old.  His diagnosis - 'distension.' A CAT scan is ordered, followed by a parade of other doctors, each higher in the medical hierarchy than the last.  Finally, the results of his CAT scan - Andy has a twisted colon.Treatment begins via a colonoscopy, with the added intention of untwisting the problematic area. This is followed by a special laxative designed to clean one out, which it does very well, over the next two days in preparation for surgery to remove the problem area. Encourage by a friend to carefully check out his surgeon, Andy realizes he has no way of doing so - and doesn't even meet the surgeon until after the operation.Pain continues after the operation, and his surgeon recommends enemas - something not covered in their wedding vows nine months prior. Symptoms continue, and its back to the E.R. After being hooked up to numerous lines and having his stomach pumped over and over, an emergency x-ray reveals a leak where his colon was sewed back together. This time there's no time to clean out his colon - its emergency surgery, exactly what the doctors were trying to avoid originally.  And this time, the doctors say survival odds are only 50%.Borowitz survives, but learns that in order to foolproof the outcome, doctors have disconnected his small intestine from the large intestine, allowing the latter three months to heal. Meanwhile, Andy's small intestine extends outside the body and empties into an ileostomy bag. Andy's next medical problem, besides getting the recommended exercise and constantly changing the leaking bag, is that the little piece of protruding intestine is protruding further and further. So the operation to reconnect is moved up a month.Borowitz's 'Bottom Line' - 'Life really is precious and you have to make the most of every minute.'My 'Bottom Line' - if this is the kind of care and results one can expect from one of America's top ten hospitals, I'd hate to imagine what goes on in the rest. The really bad news - hospitals and physicians make more money making mistakes than doing the job right the first time!P.S.: For 99 cents I'll tell you about my botched broken leg operation. Just kidding about the 99 cents, but it really was botched. Like Borowitz it took forever to receive treatment, I went with the assigned surgeon, and fortunately lived to regret it. It took another surgeon (very carefully selected this time), and nearly 9 months before I could walk again without crutches.