Review: Wow – what a ride…****4.5 SOUL SEARCHING STARS****
Rating: 5 out of 5
Date: 03 19, 2014
An intense, emotional rollercoaster ride.This book was definitely different for me.  A little tough to read with such a difficult topic to write about.It made me feel a range of intense emotions from sadness, anger, distress, concern, despair, love, pleasure and happiness.The Prologue is not wrong to warn you of its distressing nature.  It was heartbreakingly sad and I found it hard to read as it brought tears to my eyes – and that was just the first few pages.The child abuse Ryan endures during his childhood has ruined and destroyed him.  He wants to be free of his past and demons but they haunt him every moment they can.  He is afraid to live.  You can feel his pain in the first chapter.From the onset, you are taken on a ride into the life of Ryan.  His thoughts, his demons, his fantasies, his battles with his memories, and his recounting of his past abuse.  He is sickened with what happened to him and blames himself.Ryan is just looking to find himself, to be accepted by the people he loves, but the struggles he goes through is agonizing as he cannot accept himself.Ryan, now and adult, is broken, he is struggling with his past, his present and his demons.  He doesn’t know where he fits into life.  Even though he controls his working life as a Sergeant Major in the Army – his personal life is damaged and shattered.It is really heartbreaking to read how this broken man dealt with his pain over the years.  His thoughts run wild from his past traumas to his current fantasies.  He is looking for a future where he will fit in.  His story is so powerful that you can only wish to take his pain away from him.His past haunts him constantly, he feels ashamed and not worthy of anything and confused about himself.  The only bright lights in his life are his daughter, his best friend Mason, and then Stella – who eventually sets him free.His best friend Mason is stunning in every way possible.  Ryan and Mason have been friends since they were kids and have been through a great deal together.  Ryan battles with his feelings for Mason, and keeps telling himself “I am not gay”.  His attraction is so strong that he fantasies about Mason a lot.You can just feel that Mason almost seems to sense Ryan’s state of mind and his pain.  I knew then, that Mason has the same feelings for Ryan, but didn’t know how to approach it.When Ryan and Mason first come together, it is erotic and sensual.  Mason and Ryan have a strong and intense connection throughout the book.  The love they share is pure and beautiful.Ryan and Mason struggle with their feelings for one another - the connection these two men have for each other, the longing and the love they share for each other is just flawless.Stella brings diversity to the mix.  She is a strong, sexy woman who knows exactly what she wants.  And Ryan sees that from the moment he lays eyes on her.  They connect instantly.Ryan’s attraction to her is intense and sensuous at the same time.  He wants Stella, but he still wants Mason.  He is confused and thinks that his past has tortured him to hate himself and not understand what it is he really wants.Little does Ryan know what relationship Mason and Stella have, but is interested to find out.Stella becomes Ryan’s salvation. She shows him what he needs to get control of his life back.  She shows him how submission can set him free.  She is a natural Domme and he loves her strength.Stella helps free Ryan from his past by accepting the person he is, showing him how she loves him unconditionally and loving him for who he is and not what happened to him in his past.  Ryan learns to love himself and the others around him, and accept himself for who he is.  He finds his “worth” in the worldThis book is full of everything.  I could have highlight so many more scenes which I loved between these three main characters.  But most of all it makes you feel the sadness, hurt, love, passion and more.This is a heart wrenching, beautifully written story about one man’s struggle to find himself and his worth in life from the horrendous past he has endured.Margaret really knows how to bring the story to life and make it feel real.