Review: Some logic fail happening here...
Rating: 3 out of 5
Date: 08 4, 2013
I very much enjoyed Wes Davies' first entry in the Silo saga, "The Runner," and expected to feel the same about this second chapter. I'm sad to say that's not the case.Wes - it feels to me like all your *heart* was invested in the story of Mick and Ace, that it's a relationship that's very real to you, and that emotion plays through in your writing. You don't seem to feel as strongly about the characters you've created for this chapter. They come across as very two-dimensional, with Beety being almost moustache-twirling with his evil manipulations of the population.There are a couple other things going on with this chapter that I didn't find in "The Runner." First, there are an awful lot of punctuation errors, something that's very distracting for me - I find myself counting the mistakes rather than enjoying the story. Second, there's a giant issue of logic fail.We're told that the reason Ace and Mick's relationship was forbidden is that each citizen is supposed to marry and procreate, to maintain the population of the silo. BUT - you're also giving us a situation where pregnant girls are forced to abort, because the silo can't handle these additional new lives. It would seem to make sense, purely on a numbers basis, to allow gay relationships to carry on uninterrupted, while allowing those people who want to have an extra child to have one, as long as the numbers balance. Then too, with the flood claiming more and more levels of the silo, it would seem to make sense to keep the population in check by giving an official okay to gay relationships, which don't add to the headcount.A writing mentor of mine told me years ago, with respect to something I'd written, "It's okay... but it needs to be more than okay." I'm having that very feeling here - that you're capable of doing much better, with a bit more planning and thought, a bit of editing, and allowing yourself to use in starring roles only those characters who really sing to you. My suggestion is, find a beta who's willing (and able) to be tough with you, because I think you've got the goods to be a real presence here on Amazon.For now, though, "The Diver" gets only 3 stars from me. Wish I could offer more.