Review: Oh. PEN monkey...
Rating: 5 out of 5
Date: 09 8, 2011
Dang, I bought this book thinking it was the story about William Penn's pet bonobo chimp that ran amok in the town square, and got his monkey butt locked up in jail. There he discovered a magical amulet that let him time travel. He ended up in the future where he enslaved a band of Rhesus monkeys and forced them to bury the statue of William Penn up to its neck in sand. Ultimate Penn Monkey revenge! Except because they're stupid monkeys they buried the Statue of Liberty by mistake.My bad.Instead this is a collection of essays telling writers to write, damn it, write, blah blah blah, and quit being a bitchy little girl and write really good stuff to earn your chops yada yada yada, and writers are under-appreciated and misunderstood, but that's life so get used to it yom yom yom. So if you're a writer, you probably ought to read this book because it's got everything you need to know about being a writer and not being a baby-snot-whining-poopy-pants always moaning about how HARD it is being a writer. Suck it up and write.Extra special bonus features! This book is written in code! It's full of cookies and cool stuff. If you solve the BIG PUZZLE you'll have access to the humongous secret vault buried eight stories below the Smithsonian Museum and on Tuesdays between 4 and 5 p.m. you can take all the gold, silver, gems, priceless art, secrets to the universe and occult artifacts you can stuff in a brown paper sack. Just don't cheat and do something really stupid like highlight words and type them backward on your itty bitty Kindle keyboard (especially not words that rhyme with "rock stoffel). If you do something dumb like that, space dragons will burst through the Kindle screen and lay eggs in your eyeballs. (I'll be forwarding the opthalmologist's bill forthwith, Chuck.)One major criticism. Wendig did not use the word "onager." Not even once. An omission I hope he corrects in his next book.