Review: hurried
Rating: 2 out of 5
Date: 07 4, 2012
As this is said to be a debut I do not want to be too harsh but this erotic short story could certainly use a revision, beginning with the random grammar mishaps.The basic idea is excellent and original. It would need more pages to be developed and better paced, though.The flashback describing Marcus' last romp with his ex is especially rough and confused, not to mention thrown gracelessly into the main timeline.The encounter with the kind savage is well written but the following sex scene is far too hurried.