Review: Hmm!
Rating: 1 out of 5
Date: 09 28, 2013
I know that this was just a short story erotica, but it could have been better. In fact, the beginning was alright but the actual story went down from there. I like reading short story erotica once in a while, but I actually foresaw it to be something to cling to and remember. Yes it was raunchy, sometimes in a good way, but it could have had a very good story behind it for the breast milk sympathizers or lovers. There weren't enough building events around the 'main point' to keep me wanting to read more from this author. It was like: here it is, do it, and done! There wasn't any: This is where it's leading, here it is, something is going to happen, something happened, confusion or disgruntlement then thinking, it's done, what else becomes of this?(leading to a thought for the next book or a story for someone else)I love this era but it wasn't well done. There should have been more plotting, scenes unfolding a little more delicately. It is possible to have delicacy in a raunchy book, it also give the readers something to cling to.For example: the flower doesn't just open first thing in the morning. The dew drops start to slide down the petals, it opens just a little, a caterpillar walks up its stalk, the flower opens a little, the sun moves as an hour goes by, it opens a little, a mouse runs by and disturbs the leaves on the stalk, the flower opens a little, The last dew drop falls, the flower is halfway open. You can see the folded petals when you look in the center, they are beautiful, you can't wait to see more. Etc etc.I see that the author has the creativity to make an awesome erotica that many will want to read, but she needs to put a little more thought into the rough drafts. Who, what, when, where, why, how.Who:characters and their significance. is there anyone in the picture for her or in the foreseeable futureWhat: fears, weaknesses, the problem, scenarios, what can this character do to seem more real, Does she have any goals, etcWhen: is the era, when does she think this will take place, when will she see her child, when did such and such start happening, when does plan to have a breakthrough, when when whenWhere: are the events taking place, where does her loyalties lay, where does she want to really be,Why: why is this happening, why does she feel this way,How: will this problem be resolved, how will she accomplish this or that, how does she feel about everything, how can she grow in personality so people will root for herThese are just examples of questions some people look for when reading, even a cheaper and smaller story. It still needs to have more taste.