Review: This needs proofreading, a thesaurus, and some excitement
Rating: 2 out of 5
Date: 12 9, 2012
Two very annoying examples of lack of proof reading: Goy = God, I assume and thee = the, again I assume.  And these are not the only examples.  There are also serious formatting errors throughout that just make it hard to read the story.Next the scenario is just too tame to be called a gang-bang in my opinion.  And the physical ability of 5 guys to be with and pleasure 1 woman was not worked out well by the author.  Yes, some things must be left to the imagination of the reader, but the question on everyone's mind is how do you get 6 people on a queen size bed and not have them sitting on each other?  The band could have been a quartet or a trio and the sex would have worked a lot better.Word choice is something else the author needs to think about as well.  I'm reading an erotic story, yes.  Hot babe is being worked over by 3 or 4 guys at one time if I saw that I would think that it is a very erotic tableau, yes.  She is not going to think this is erotic or think that she is literally having a feeling of erotic pleasure.  I, the onlooker, will describe the scene as erotic but the people inside the scene would probably never seen themselves or think to themselves as being erotic or having erotic feelings unless they were doing performance art or an alien learning our language for the first time and have a lack of words to choose from.