Review: Hym & Hur - An in depth 10 point review
Rating: 3 out of 5
Date: 10 22, 2013
Please note: The `review' of this book (which was donated to The Magnolia Blossom Review for the sole purpose of a review) was completed by both Preston Randall and L. Avery Brown as there were some major changes made to the book after it was given to Randall.  In all fairness, L. Avery Brown decided to do a review based on the updated version and then combined the two scores.  All review items are based on the Rubric designed by the owner of The MBR, L. Avery Brown. If you would like to read the entire review which includes an in depth author interview - please visit The Magnolia Blossom Review's site online today!And Now the Review....1. Book Title 6 of 10 (PR) & 7 of 10 (LAB) Avg. - 6.5For the Reviewer: Did it grab your attention right away? Was it ho hum? What do you think the author might consider for future book titles? (You should have plenty of space for each item on the form as I think I set it up for the boxes to 'grow'.PR: The title did initially get my attention but when considering the entire story it didn't really give me anything other than the two main characters. Although it's a cute play on words I would have preferred something about the story itself.LB: It's interesting in that it alludes to the fact that Hym is a 'him' and Hur is a 'her'. Although I must say that on first glance I thought of the words 'hymN' and ... Ben Hur which doesn't really make any sense. That having been said, on the one hand, the title did catch my attention. On the other hand - it caught it in a way I don't think the author intended!2. Book Cover 6 of 10 (PR) & 6 of 10 (LAB) - Avg. 6For the Reviewer: Did it grab your attention? Was it ho hum? What do you think the author might consider for future book covers? Did it help make the title more effective?PR: I feel the same way about the cover as I did about the title. It doesn't really convey anything about the story itself. Also, the silhouette of the woman in particular doesn't seem to match the description of a beautiful young woman used in the story.LB: I like the image of the Earth in the background - but I have to be honest and say that the silhouettes aren't all that impressive. After reading the short story - I know that Hur is supposed to be a gorgeous woman - but she looks a bit frumpy and portly. Perhaps it's because I'm a woman and notice those things - but the skirt she's wearing - even in black and white is NOT figure flattering. And I'm not sure why Hym is wearing what appear to be cargo shorts. All in all - the silhouettes sort of remind me of a clip art image for a high school year book. I suppose it did help clarify the title a bit considering neither one of them looked anything like I would imagine Ben Hur to be!3. The First 500... 8 of 10 (PR) & 7 of 10 (LAB) - Avg. 7.5For the Reviewer: Thinking of the first 500 (usually about 2 pages) words of the book, do you think the author provided enough incentive to urge the reader to continue? What stood out to you the most? Were you captivated after a couple of paragraphs? Did the 1st sentence grab you? Did you get to around the 500 word mark and didn't have a clue where the story was going?PR: The opening to the story was quite strong. There's lots of interesting dialogue and I enjoyed the banter between the two main characters. I definitely wanted to read more and was interested to see where the story would go.LB: I rather enjoyed the book's opening. Having Hym and Hur simply 'appear' in a diner was interesting and I thought the fact that Hur apparently has a massive sweet tooth was quite funny. Once it was made clear that the two apparent lovebirds were immortals who liked to have 'prankish' fun - that did help start the set up for the rest of the story. And when the pair finds Death hanging out at a bar was amusing. I never imagined Death as a lush. But being that Hym and Hur IS such a short story - I'm not sure how it could have been done but somehow I think that the hook of the story (picking one mortal to stave off Death for a day) should have been introduced within the first couple of paragraphs.4. Age Recommendation/Genre Classification 10 of 10 (PR) & 10 of 10 (LAB) - Avg. 10For the Reviewer: Regarding genre, it seems to fit the comedy/fantasy category it aims at. There were some amusing moments.PR: Regarding genre, it seems to fit the comedy/fantasy category it aims at. There were some amusing moments.LB: Hym and Hur is listed as a Fantasy - and it most definitely that. However, I really think it should be classified more as a 'Short Story' instead of simply a fantasy. Although I do think that this is the sort of short that would be a terrific part of a larger story of 'Hym and Hur' - it's something for Frey to consider. Further, I feel like this is the sort of "PG" short that would make a great family friendly comedy were it ever to be adapted for TV.5. Presentation/Format 7 of 10 (PR) & 9 of 10 (LAB) - Avg. 8For the Reviewer: Did the 'innerds' of the book follow a clear, concise, standard format throughout the book? Or did you have a hard time keeping up with paragraphs or dialogue? Were multiple fonts used? Were they distracting?PR: The formatting and presentation were generally fine. But I did find with some chapters only a paragraph long it seemed a bit too rushed at times. I think a bit more description could have been used.LB: Considering that Hym and Hur is essentially a short story - I'm not exactly sure why there are 'chapters' to the book when using simple asterisks (***) to designate a scene change would have sufficed. But that's a relatively minor issue in the grand scheme of things!6. Originality 7 of 10 (PR) & 7 of 10 (LAB) - Avg. 7For the Reviewer: Was this book something you'd never read? Or was it formulaic and a 'rehash' of a popular tale/current 'pop' genre? If it was a retelling - did the author make it feel fresh and just different enough that it kept you involved?PR: I thought the concept was quite original and the author had quite a few unique ideas. However, the weakness in the story was that the ending seemed rushed and tacked on to the story just to get it over with. It seemed a bit contrived to simply achieve a "happy ending."LB: As for originality - I have read/seen similar stories. In fact, I actually just watched a show with a similar 'death takes a break' sort of theme. So, on that note - Hym and Hur isn't really all that 'original'. However, Frey does doe a good job of setting up the story in a way that is fresh and entertaining.7. Description/Enhancement 7 of 10 (PR) & 8 of 10 (LAB) - Avg. 7.5For the Reviewer: Did the author use descriptive language and 'all those extra little things' to make it the best it could be? Did you feel it was too sparse in description? Did the author go OVER board with the description?PR: There wasn't a lot of narrative description in the story, but I wouldn't fault the author too much as the dialogue was generally interesting and fresh. Also, in a story of this length one might not necessarily expect a lot of description and it seemed like a stylistic choice the author made. However, some descriptive elements were repeated too much, like the colour of the main characters' eyes.LB: There were moments in the story that were spot on - the opening scene in the diner and Death tossing back a few at the bar are great examples. Then the story got a bit murky so far as descriptive language is concerned. I really wish more had been done with the scene where Archie meets Hur ... that seemed very rushed and sort of stuck out like a sore thumb. And then, towards the very end of the book after Hym and Hur watch Sarah and Archie enjoying dinner and a bottle of wine (I think) together - the story was lacking and it felt entirely too rushed. And I just didn't get the 'war' scene at all - it felt sort of like it was thrown in there as a way to go 'Okay, now that you have the gist of the story, I need to wrap it up really quickly'....NO...I really think readers would love more than just the gist! It's an adorable little tale but it needs about 5 or 6 more solid pages to really give it the depth that it needs. I would have loved to read more about the exploration of the fact that Sarah - not ARchie - puts 2 and 2 together and gets 'Archie has the ability to raise the dead' point of the story.8. Intrigue 6 of 10 (PR) & 8 of 10 (LAB) - Avg. 7For the Reviewer:Did you want to turn the next page because it was SO good? (10) Was it interesting but you didn't quite have an urge to keep reading? (5) Did you think 'I wonder if we have Twinkies in the pantry? Mmmmm, Twinkies' while you read? (1)PR: I felt the earlier part of the story was quite intriguing, but I started to lose interest because the plot started to fall apart as it progressed. The main problem was that characters said and did things that didn't make sense. For example, Sarah is said to not be in love with Archie but wants him to give up his art and move in with her. And it appears she doesn't really care if he works or not. It doesn't make sense that she wants him to better himself, but doesn't care if he works. Similarly, what is the relationship of Death to HYM and HUR? Is he the boss? If so, why does he agree to their proposal in the first place? Out of his good nature? Even in a fantasy, characters motivations have to be believable and consistent and this isn't the case in much of the story.LB: Even though I had a sneaky suspicion of how the story was going to end - after all, it sort of had to end that way, right? Death always has a way of 'winning' in the end. I have to say I was engaged enough to keep going until the very end. BUT again, I feel like the end of the book - which is actually the 'gotcha' point of the story for Hym and Hur when they realize that no matter what - Death can't really be stopped - was rushed.9. Grammar/Mechanics 6 of 10 (PR) & 7 of 10 (LAB) - Avg. 6.5For the Reviewer: Was the book pretty darn flawless? (10) Did you see more that 5 or 10 'jump out' at you mistakes in grammar or the actual mechanics (verb tense, noun/pronoun agreement, missued words) ? (5) Did you feel it was a chore to read because it was riddled with errors? (1)PR: I didn't spot any typos but the one mistake repeated many times in the story was the use of incomplete sentences. For example: "A smile that filled the air and killed the gloom that plagued a passing stranger." Also, the dialogue modifiers were often too long and complex, or used adverbs to modify verbs. For example, "He guessed doubtfully." How does one guess doubtfully? Here's an example of an overly long and complex dialogue modifier: "About time," Archie pointed out to the woman next to him, the bus two blocks away, passing Archie's building; the driver just over the speed limit, trying to get back on schedule.LB: The first 10 pages or so I didn't really see any major errors. However after what was a terrific opening couple of scenes - I noticed more technical issues creep in to the story. What's more, as the story got closer to the end - I noticed considerably more issues. I truly think it has something to do with the 'rushed' sensation of the ending.10. Overall Impression 6 of 10 (PR) & (LAB) 10 - Avg. 8For the Reviewer: When all is said in done - did you enjoy the book? Would you recommend it to others?PR: I enjoyed the beginning of the book but as it progressed I became less interested mainly because the characters' actions didn't seem to make sense at times. I think the story could really use a major edit to clean up some of the stylistic problems described previously and to make sure the characters motivations make sense and conform to their words and actions. I also think the ending really needs some work as it felt too rushed and tacked on just to get done.LB: I did enjoy Hym and Hur. I think it's a terrific story for all ages. I liked the fact that it wasn't riddled with explicatives as when I think of immortal beings - I somehow imagine them being above that sort of thing. As I mentioned earlier, I think this story would be a perfect part of a larger story of Hym and Hur and it's something that I hope Phillip Frey will consider.The Bestowing of the Blossoms...When all the points were tallied and averaged, Phillip Frey's short story, Hym and Hur has earned 74 points. Giving it a solid 3 blossom ranking. For those of you who feel it's got that 'little something' you think you'll like, we urge you to read the book for yourself! The eBook is available at venues like: Amazon.com, BarnesAndNoble.com, KoboBooks.com, Smashwords.com and the SonyEReaderStore. For $0.99, you might find yourself pleasantly surprised!