Review: I Want Your Sex...and Your Attention.
Rating: 3 out of 5
Date: 11 25, 2012
Inevitably, there comes a time in any couple's relationship where the insidious specter of boredom begins to assert itself. People need to be consistently alert for its overwhelming force of ennui---it can metastasize into a force that can overwhelm even the most loving and attentive of relations.Why and how does this happen? Any number of theories persist.Some argue that its roots lie in the inherent human tendency to be selfish. Others attribute it to emotional and psychological self-preservation. Some would assert that it evolves out of poor communication habits. And still some believe that all types of relationships inevitably change to varying degrees since humanity itself is never static.Perhaps there is some validity to all of these notions. It could be argued that some aspect of each of the aforementioned theories runs in varying depths through the lifeblood of most couples, and that perhaps some strains tend to be more virulent than others; an ebb and flow exists that, like a cold sore, rises to the surface periodically and must be allowed to run its course before receding back into the abyss of indifference and perhaps an underlying current of smoldering, unspoken, and unresolved issues.So, of the four previously-mentioned propositions for the breakdown in communication between couples, I am inclined to push the theory of poor communication. My reasons are twofold---1) the other three theories require some semblance and degree of being able to convey our ideas cogently, cohesively, and coherently, and 2)aside from a few aberrant individuals, such as serial killers and psychopaths, human beings are inherently social creatures who require some form of communication in order to thrive in our world.Granted, communication can be positive or negative; each of us filters these actions to the exclusion of other perspectives that can create a Rashomon-esque experience for ourselves. But philosophy and perspective aside, good communication is the crux for all positive relations, especially in the sexual arena. Stephen Williams makes a heroic attempt to address as much of this as possible in "Adult Sex: Discover the Spicy and Erotic Tips."Good sex evolves out of good communication, and Williams provides numerous suggestions for creative playtime between both partners. As a few examples, he brings up the idea of talking dirty, or reading a sexy book out loud in bed along with some exciting role-playing, either while reading or at the story's conclusion.While these are all universally accepted ideas for spicing up a moribund sex life, it is also important to expand the lines of communication even more to find out what entails each other's personal boundaries.As much as Williams's earnest paeans to harmony between couples is demonstrated, it seems that he tries too hard at times with the emphasis upon the physical dimensions of sex. While sex is just one outlet for expressing each other's love and care for one another, and is by no means something that is ever in danger of being abandoned by humanity, it would serve many couples well to explore other positive, pleasant activities that encourage close communication and reinforce the numerous reasons why both partners fell in love with each other in the first place. Doing things together such as walking; watching a good movie or TV program; spending time with family and friends who provide encouragement and a temporary distraction from life's stresses, etc. are relatively cost-free and can be self-fulfilling in areas such as contentment and happiness.Additionally, doing these relationship-friendly activities can lead to a leisurely yet close scrutiny of any and all underlying symptoms of distress in the relationship that would need to be addressed.Despite not nearly enough focus upon the underlying emotions as previously described, and the euphemisms for both the male and female genitalia (are such labels as "male part" as adult as one would think?), "Adult Sex" is a good read with many well-intentioned activities.