Review: Torture, needs a rewrite!
Rating: 1 out of 5
Date: 02 8, 2013
A storyline with potential, but you don't want to pay to be subjected to reading a very rough draft by an inexperienced writer!  I won't offer a plot synopsis as others have covered that.  Instead, I offer the red ink that this author should have received before attaching her name and publishing.As others have commented, numerous word usage and grammar issues!  It flows OK in places and is awkward and stilted in others.  Written in the first person and switching between the two main characters, chapter-to-chapter.  A technique this author is not up to.  Half-way through the font arbitrarily changes style for awhile and then changes back?!It is an ongoing struggle to figure out which character is speaking.  The author doesn't begin a new paragraph when the person speaking changes, very confusing!  Paragraphs are completely arbitrary, demonstrating a complete lack of understanding of their function by the author.The characters' "voices" have them sounding like lame 14 year olds' in some places and closer to the 20/somethings' they are supposed to be in others.  The author needs to outline her individual characters' personalities when she is developing them and then review the dialog she has written for them.  They all read like the same personality except where the author "tells" us who is speaking and how they are feeling.  The individual's character needs to be reflected in what they have to say and how they say it.  14 year olds tend to sound alike because they seek approval and reassurance in being like their peers, whether mainstream or alternative.Amanda, don't stop writing, just set a higher standard for yourself!  Otherwise, you will be labeled as someone with a couple of ideas but a lousy writer.  What do you want to be known as?  Take some writing classes and develop your skills; words on paper do not an "Author" make!This is supposed to be the first book in a trilogy...seriously!?  Re-block your story outline and condense them into a single book.  Eliminate dialog that doesn't a) further reveal chacter developement or b) further the plot developement.  ("Thank you." "Sure." Bits of business that just take up space, make the story drag and bore the reader.) Read the comments in these reviews and rewrite like crazy; put it aside for a month then reread it with their comments in mind.  Find several objective people with good editing skills who aren't afraid to be honest and give them a "red pen".  After the next rewrite, send a complimentary copy to everyone who struggled through this first version and hear what have to say.  You may then be ready to put it out there for public consumption.  An "Author" is someone who follows standards of professionalism and puts in the hard work necessary to develop and polish a piece; it is a title awarded by peers and your audience.  Attainment of the this title is demonstrated by earning the respect of an audience that reads extensively.I do not recommend this book in its current form!  Many aspiring writers need critiques like this and I don't often take the time to do it.  I do see other reviewers make the effort to help someone understand that good writing is about communicating ideas clearly, beautifully, succinctly, poetically and with originality.  Thank you!  Grammar and writing skills are the tools required to communicate clearly, not fussy unimportant protocols designed to trip you up.  Everyone benefits from another set of eyes to proofread and review; none of us are perfect.