Review: Amazing, complex characters I could really connect with!
Rating: 4 out of 5
Date: 03 31, 2014
4 out of 5 stars***This book was provided free by the author in exchange for an honest review, through the Goodreads “Don't Buy My Love” program***I had to think for a few days after reading this book prior to writing the review.  So many things I absolutely loved, and some that were disturbing.  My overall impression is still overwhelmingly positive, but I couldn't quite give it that 5th star.Positives:First, this is the most beautifully formatted ebook I've ever read, and not just in this genre.  Presentation makes a world of difference, and I wish more publishers put in this kind of effort.  The cover art used again as chapter headings was lovely.  And it was perfectly edited – I could not find any typos, grammar mistakes, or misused words to pull me out of the story.  I enjoyed having all three books in one volume.Second, the author clearly did her research thoroughly and well.  The statistics related to HIV testing and transmission, as well as treatment, and the fact that she made a point to say the information in the book was state of the science as of 2011, but that further advances have been made.  The characteristics of both domestic abusers and victims.  Jewish traditions and customs such as tzedakah.  And my personal favorite, a true picture of being elderly in a community, both with family (Derrick's grandparents) and without (Miss Ingrid).The characterization was also exceptional.  Derrick has abandonment issues sprung from losing his parents at an early age, and later compounded by caregiver burnout after being the sole caregiver for both of his grandparents through three years of illness, isolation, and ultimately death.  He is so fearful of needing someone that he remains celibate for 10 years, and although he wants to have a relationship with Gavin, he is convinced from the beginning that it will fail and struggles to open up.  Gavin has just gotten out of an abusive relationship where his boyfriend forced unprotected anal sex on him, and he now fears he is not just HIV positive, but ruined for further relationships because he doesn't trust his own judgement any longer.  Both men face that “I want him/I don't deserve him” dilemma in different ways, but it never feels forced, staged, or unbelievable.  I connected with both of these MCs.  And though being together did benefit them both in the end (and yes, there is a deeply satisfying HEA), they worked through their issues with a lot of informal but wise and effective counseling from a host of well-drawn secondary characters.  They face their own internal demons, homophobia, the spectre of HIV/AIDs, and domestic violence and one by one they conquer these obstacles.Negatives:I am still not sure what to think about the BDSM in the story.  I typically enjoy vanilla sex in the books I read, and I truly don't think there is anything hardcore in this book, but I was somewhat uncomfortable with descriptions of pain and breath play, and VERY uncomfortable with the humiliation aspects of the scenes.  I think the author introduced it in order to show how either character giving up control would enhance their trust, but for me, it was like reading and thinking “Oh, that's hot, that's really sexy. . . wait, umm, maybe. . . umm, no”.  The fact that I was not completely put off by either man enjoying being humiliated (normally that would make me DNF a book) is a compliment to how the author presented not only the sex scenes, but the men in general.  There is an awful lot of sex in these three books, and for vanilla readers like myself, fortunately most of it is not disturbing.  Unfortunately, the disturbing (to me) parts are what I am remembering now that I've finished reading.  For readers who enjoy BDSM as well as angst, this is probably a fantastic read.Finally, in book 3 of the trilogy I was irritated by Gavin's insistence upon contacting Lukas to learn more of his background.  He had amazingly good advice from his wise and trusted girlfriend and from Derrick to just let it go, as there was absolutely no good that could come of a meeting.  He acknowledged that fact to all of them.  But he persisted, and in doing so caused a lot of unnecessary heartbreak.  And I just didn't see the point of that in the story, other than to expose Lukas as completely and irredeemably evil.  I think that entire subplot could have been edited out and I wouldn't have missed it a bit.  I didn't feel it made a lot of sense for Gavin, who was otherwise quite self-aware at this point, to delude himself so much.  It made me want to smack him.  The denouement of Lukas' part of the story felt contrived and awkward.Overall, I loved this trilogy, and am very happy I invested the time to read it.  I will probably reread again in the future, and will definitely look for more works by this author.  Recommended, and if you enjoy BDSM, you'll like it even more than I did.