Review: 2.5 stars
Rating: 2 out of 5
Date: 04 13, 2014
**May contain spoilers (okay just one--and are you really surprised? The guy on the cover has a gun.)**I suffer from some kind of disease, unacknowledged by the medical community, perhaps only familiar to other readers: a wild compulsion to read a recognizably blah book. This compulsion generally occurs after seeing a muscle-bound man with his head cut off on the cover of an MM romance and/or after reading a well-written & especially funny. Symptoms may last for anywhere between 4 hours to several months - this being entirely dependent on when you finally give-in. This disease is most especially disastrous to your "book budget" (like that actually exists), but is also quite educational.10 items learned while reading Mr. Cox's "Criminal Pleasures":1. Looking up the keywords "criminal" & "cox" is a fun way to make yourself giggle like the 14 yr old you know you really are.A. It will also make you wonder if that's the author's real name or just a convenient nom de plume for an MM romance novelist.B. Wonder the same thing about author Nina Bangs. (Also Kindle Alexander, but quickly realize it's best not to go there.)C. It may occur to you at this point that these authors must have had a much more uncomfortable childhood than you, when you were frequently referred to as "Rosa Rita Refried Beans."2. Girls are *silly*.A. `Cause getting drunk in front of your boss is an awesome way to get ahead in business. I'm sure it's suggested in the first chapter of Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead.B. Girls exist only to inform the reader that said boss and MC looks like an "Egyptian Prince."C. Women may also exist to play the role of possible stalker and/or refreshingly open Mom -- "I don't care if you sleep with a dolphin, as long as you're happy." Little does this woman know that that's actually an option (see "Dolphin Dreams"). (Points to the author for mentioning that homosexuality should never be likened to dolphin-lovin' or its brethren.)3. This book gives a whole new meaning to "The busboy's comin'!" - i.e. never trust a hot busboy.A. Even if he has an Italian accent. Or, in this case, especially if he has an Italian accent.B. "Che cosa stai facendo?" (What are you doing?) is a real panty-dropper. Fap, fap, fap!C. Busboys can apparently afford 2 bedroom apartments with their own personal room-sized jungle/terrarium in their extra bedroom. With lights like lightning streaking across the ceiling. (Have you seen how much plants cost at a nursery? And how much would that lighting cost? Is this an episode of "Friends"?)D. Busboys who like to drop info into conversations, such as "garden spiders trap unsuspecting prey by sucking them in using electrostatic attraction," might just be a serial killer.4. The MC may be a lawyer, but he's also a coy 16 yr old.A. "He'd never been touched...*down there* before." (Authors italics.) Where, your foot? Did you wash it? If yes, what're you worring about? Some toe sucking can be nice. Or are you perhaps referring to your fluttering anus?B. Wonder why it is every GFY character knows nothing about the prostate. (I've read "Cosmo," I know about the prostate and personal experience tells me that massaging said prostate will make a fellow come like a geyser. Or at least a cheetah. You know, fast.) The conversation always goes something like this:I. GFY Dude: What's that tingling feeling in my anuus?II. Gay Dude (massaging gently): That's your prostate, baby.III. Me: LAAME.C. Referring to other men as "acting like a b*tch" or "being b*tchy" is totally acceptable adult conversation.5. If you manage to forget that the MC is really, really ridiculously good looking for even a moment, fear not, the author will remind you at least several times a chapter.A. "He might look like some fairy tale prince, but he'd never thought of himself as soft or weak, someone that needed rescuing."B. "He was exceptionally good looking. He could find a boyfriend...or girlfriend, easily...."6. It doesn't matter if the aforementioned busboy dumps you 3 times like a sack of crap, all the while either saying purposefully mean things, threatening you with physical violence or blaming you for all his problems.A. What matters is that he's really a copB. What matters is that he luurrves you so hard, baby.C. Getting back together with him 5 minutes after he's blamed you for his fragile emotional state (as the MC would say: What a p**sy!) is completely understandable. So is agreeing to move in with him 8 hours later.7. The word "flesh" is creepy. Finding a note in your Kindle that says "flesh is creepy" is also creepy.8. Reading this book & writing this review is a great way to avoid things you actually need to get done, like a review for a book you actually loved ("Death of a Pirate King" by Josh Lanyon). Or, you know, your job.9. You may need to address your other disease, the one that causes you to gravitate towards any book which features a cop with a half-naked man & a gun on its cover. This cannot possibly be healthy.10. Reviews can go on too long, i.e. aaand I'm done.Okay, it's not quite as bad as I made it sound - I'm having fun with words!--but this was a very meh read for me. I can see why a lot of people may like it, it may be good for those unfamiliar with MM romance or those who love some hot man on man action, but I've read too many books with similar plots not to want exclaim "ugh."