Review: Needs serious work on character and style
Rating: 2 out of 5
Date: 09 11, 2013
Okay. The things I liked about this book:The suspense plot was okay. Lot's of twists and turns, and exactly who all the bad guys are and what all nefarious things they are up to is not immediately obvious. Enough suspense to make me finish the book even though I skim read the last 2/3 of it because of the reasons given below.The locale was nice. The landscape and the patois gave the story a nice feel--particularly for American readers.The things I didn't like about this book:The writing!1. The "jerky" writing style.This book was written in mostly simple declarative sentences which made it read more like a smart phone manual than a novel.  Exacerbating this effect, the sentences were often short, the dialogue sometimes staccato. In fact, much of the writing is done in an abbreviated way: whole issues describing periods of people's lives or discussions of important issues might be covered in a dozen sentences or less.  An example of this style:"Would you show me what you intend?""Planning sabotage?""No! How can you think it?" Surely he knew her better than that by now?"Then why the change of heart?"Jenna scuffed a sandaled toe in the pile of sawdust then glanced up at him. "On the surface, Katherine Bay looks idyllic.""Appearances can be deceptive."A bitter laugh escaped Jenna. "Deceptive! The whole place is rotten, from the police to the landowners."Gabe squeezed her hand. "It's an old district."2. The characters.This book reminded me of an old "B" movie, complete with overacting and high melodrama.  Yes, good novels must pack an emotional punch but both of these characters are drama queens. They would go from shaking with fear, to yelling with anger and clenched fists, to reddening and bending their heads in embarrassment, to burning with lust for each others' body parts, to hugging a child close with love---all within a couple of pages.  And they were like that throughout the book.And they were always going off half-cocked.  After the H asks the h, a stranger, for driving directions while on her front porch, the H turns to go after she reenters her house. Then he hears a child's cry inside.  So he rushes into her house to make sure she is not abusing her children.  This man, who seems to know everything there is to know about children (although we never understand why or how), believes that if a young child cries, it is being abused and he must run into save it? Say what?Jenna is always going off onto tirades and fits of anger then becoming embarrassed; he does this some as well but he is equally likely to become curt and withdraw because he feels so worthless.  And he, who has avoided getting involved with any woman for years, is ready to marry the h within a couple of days of meeting her.Miscellaneous other silliness that defies credulity.An example: they rescue a dog from a poor child who has to get rid of him.  The mongrel, however, mysteriously responds perfectly to every dog command the H gives. Not just things like "heel" and "down," even the command, "Guard."  And why exactly does Gabe even Expect this dog to know these commands which he relies on in even life and death situations? I mean, I have taken dogs to several levels of obedience training and we were never even introduced to the "guard" command.  This dog could put a police dog to shame.The writer has potential but she needs badly to increase the sophistication of her sentence structure, the richness of the plot and characters, and pull back on the melodrama.