Review: Author has good pemise - execution really lacks
Rating: 1 out of 5
Date: 07 1, 2012
This is the story of a detective and his new partner encountering a murder case.  The case becomes something much more than solving a basic murder when details come to light regarding people related to murder victim.  And it becomes an issue of solving more than one case and adding assistance from FBI and Navy.  The premise, while not a new one, has merit.  The specifics are predictible in some parts and there are no real twists to getting to the "who done it" and why.  However, that does not mean that many will not enjoy this version.  For many will.  Fans of true suspense crime novels won't find real depth found in other noted authors of same genre (Robb, Grafton, Etc.) - but is a fairly good attempt.The issues lie with presentation (style) moreso than premise.  The novella is riddled with errors related to grammar, punctuation, character development and presence, Point of View, and story arc development.Punctuation:  overuse of exhuberance (!) where illfiting at times, extra floating dialogue quotes at end of paragraph without dialogue, other than dialogue bits (some, not all) incorrectly punctuated, some dialogue missing punctuation related to tags, missing or incorrect punctuation.  Dialogue paragraphs with same speaker punctuated incorrectly (though very few will know such.)Formatting is still a bit of an issue as there are some pages where paragraph breaks are so many only two small paragraphs fit on page.  I do not include format issues in star rating as I know that (at times) formatting is amazon conversion issue from downloaning - rather than writer issue.  However, it appears as if the manuscript was originally typed double spaced and when hitting double return between paragraph breaks (which would then be 4 lines, rather than customary 2) there was an overabundance of spaces.  If that is case a simple full document conversion to single spacing prior to downloading should clear up format issues like that.Grammar:  wrong words used - corn rolls (should be rows) to describe ME hair, make on (should be one) take - there are several such errors - but you get the idea on that.  Past tense and present tense switches in sentences and paragraphs was frequent.  Some may be stylistic choice of writer and happens - but not with such frequency as seen in the work.  Some subject/verbs were not grammatically correct - plural nouns get plural verbs,  etc.POV:  I origionally was going to forgive the first few POV switches as character related fleshing.  But, when the POV for many of the characters switched between third person and first person (in same paragraph) I realized it was author error, NOT character voice.  It is possible to have a character think to self in first while rest of tale told in third - but only if the writer understands the fine line and can convey properly.  In this installment of series (in author defense this is first in series and she may have worked this issue out in later works) the author has no grasp of what POV she is using and how to use properly.  One POV is best for the whole work until such time as skill is developed well enough that conveyance and reading are not stilted for reader.Character issues:  Trace was intergral character and partner in training,  then he just (all but) disappeared about half way through book in order for the "love" plot device to develop.  Bob was FBI partner that was there for a blink, disappeared for the same reason as Trace, then popped in near end without adding ANYTHING to storyline.  It would have served better to leave Bob out and just send 1 FBI agent to work case as Bob did nothing but add an inconsistency to story line (detail on that next) .  Press was well developed and Trace fairly so (even though underused)  as was female agent.Inconsistencies:Chapter 11 - Press and Trace left interview with Moira - they climbed in the beater car and drove away...fine, until the reader turns the page and Press puts key in ignition, turns it and gets the smoke plume.Chapter 27 - title states day 4 time:  10 AM - yet the first paragraph has press and agent arriving at house "that evening."Chapter 28 - title states day 5 at 9:15 AM - Bob tells Rachel he will be in that night and see her next morning.  However,  he does not show up until day 7, several chapters later.There were more issues related to each listed, but you get idea.  I apologize for length, I write long - though typically not thus much.  However, I viewed a comment by author wherein she stated that a review was not really fair to those reading it (or to her I surmise) without specifics so she could fix errors.  Though some of the word issues and punctuation are not a big deal and frequqntly missed - the gross errors (POV and story arc inconsistencies) should not require reviewer intervention for correction. They should have been caught by writer or her editor as they are glaring.As stated in beginning, many will enjoy this novella. Though predictible and even with errors it is an okay read.  If there were not so many errors, I would have awarded more stars.Christine