Review: Has potential. Could use an editor.
Rating: 3 out of 5
Date: 06 13, 2013
This has potential to be an interesting book, but not as it now stands. The book has purportedly been "edited" since the original self-publication date so I assume I was reading the "improved" version. The story premise is of a dystopean world divded into the Citizen's Haven where the privileged reign supreme and a slum-like underworld where the unwanted live in the shadows and risk being turned into lobotomized slaves by the Citizens. The author had me from the word dystopia, but syntax errors and awkward, juvenile word choices really took away most of the pleasure of reading it. I'm thankful that the majority of typos referred to in previous reviews were cleaned up or I couldn't have gotten to the end. Still, it was slow going. There are some interesting ideas in the book. I enjoyed the suspense around the character Jeffrey and cared what happened to him. I would have liked Kaylee better had she not been so one-dimensional. Her character lacked subtlety and substance. I found Jeffrey and Michaels and maybe Malcolm to be the only characters who showed some realistic complexity and thus earned my interest. I wanted to care about Kaylee as there was ample opportunity in the frightening and gritty circumstances she found herself in to really make me care, but the lack of development of her character had me rolling my eyes at times. She was too reactive, a cardboard cut-out of a tough young girl survivor, lacking a level of tenderness or vulnerability or emotionl substance that would have made her likeable or even believeable.  Most of the other characters need some work, too, to give them some dimension and the storyline more credibility.  I imagine I would have enjoyed this book had the author hired a professional editor to really edit the issues of syntax and to provide guidance in fleshing out the characters..  For the author: It would really help your English-speaking readers enjoy your written word if you would invest in a real editor. Great as a first draft; a bit tedious as a finished product.