Review: Great Premise...Disapointing Story
Rating: 2 out of 5
Date: 05 27, 2013
Author Copy ProvidedI have to start with the cover of Sea God's Siren.  It's absolutely beautiful.  The vibrant colors and gorgeous sea god grabbed my attention.  The descriptive blurb was short, but I found the novella's premise interesting.Syrena is blind and only the sea god Dagon can heal her, but is the cost of her returning sight worth the price?So why the low rating?  Execution.My first issue came with grounding in the story or really the lack thereof.  No specific time is given. Some verbiage made me think an older time (not sure how old though), but then phrases like "a load of crap" or "as if no big unusual thing" popped up.  The modern feel left me confused as to the story's real time period.The second issue, and I believe one of the biggest, is the fact we have a story being mostly told from a blind character's point of view.  As a reader, the concept is not often seen and I found the idea intriguing.  As a writer, I understood what a challenge that would be.Unfortunately, the beginning chapters are written as if Syrena can see.  All of the characters perform physical actions that Syrena should not be able to describe, as she is blind.  Phrases such as "she glanced" (referring to Syrena) "her mother raised a fist and smacked it into an open palm" "their dad yanked the knapkin from his collar and slapped it down on the table" and "Gwyn flailed her arm in jest" are just a few of many such examples.The third issue dealt with multiple POV shifts.  In some instances, the POV switched from Syrena to another character and then back to Syrena from paragraph to paragraph.  While I believe smooth transitions can set up a hand-off from one character to the next, changing POV frequently and without transitions pulls a reader out of the story and creates a feeling of frustration rather than interest.By the middle of the story, the writing from Syrena's blind POV emerges with a consistent pattern.  We learn Syrena can see underwater, and this is definitely cool.  Dagon's character is enjoyable and compelling. He cares for Syrena, and his emotions and the depth of his feelings are clear from the start.Good conflict is introduced by Dagon's family.  They are opposed to his interaction with a human and try to sabotage the match.  They are interesting characters and add depth to the story. I'd moved to a three rating at this stage of the story.And then another character name Shimmery Blue is introduced.  (I think it's a dolphin or something similar.)  The character's name, behavior and dialogue felt more like they belonged in a young adult novel than an adult romance.  I'm all for light-hearted and fun, but sometimes the line crosses into juvenile.My last issue relates to the Morning Star.  I applauded the introduction of a faith-based myth being introduced into the storyline. The problem was it felt like it came out of nowhere...and this is one of the reasons novellas are so tough to write.  With limited word counts, every word counts.When nothing else works to find Dagon, Syrena decides to believe in the Morning Star and ask for help.  After one sentence earlier in the book that some people believe in the Morning Star, the whole subplot feels like it comes out of nowhere.  A longer book to build out the plot would have helped weave the faith aspect seamlessly into the story.While all of the story threads are wrapped up neatly at the end, the difficult journey getting there diminished my enjoyment of the story overall.  If none of the issues above bother you as a reader, Sea God's Siren is a short fantasy romance filled with adventure, conflict and a happy ending.