Review: Blindsided. :(
Rating: 2 out of 5
Date: 03 31, 2014
**** I give this book 2.5 Stars ****Two things first:1. When I write reviews, the "star rating" I give is mainly based on how the story made me feel overall. Thus my 2.5 star rating for Access Unlimited is purely based on my emotions for the story being told. However, as far as Alice Severin's talent as an author goes- her writing style, her unique way with words and putting them to a page- I give the full 5 stars.2. There's definitely going to be SPOILERS in my review. So-- DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT WANT SPOILERS.Okay, so where to start? I just finished reading AU and my thoughts and emotions are a jumbled mess right now. I'm going to do my best to give my review in an orderly, coherent fashion, but please bear with me if instead it's confusing and discombobulated. :)Ms. Severin certainly isn't a predictable author. Which is actually a good thing, but at the same time, how Tristan's and Lily's story played out in this book was not what I expected, nor did I see certain key parts of it coming at all.Here come the SPOILERS. Last chance to stop reading!****SPOILER ALERT****I very much wanted and expected to love Access Unlimited, but I didn't. And oh my gosh what a bummer that is. :( While of course this is Ms. Severin's story to tell any way she wants- I was COMPLETELY thrown for a loop by some choices she made in doing so.Let me explain first the way it had seemed the story would go in this book based on the story that had been told in the first 2 books of this series. You see, I knew there'd be a whole lot of drama while on tour before Tristan and Lily found their way to their HEA. (Anyone reading this series would know that.) Perhaps more drug/alcohol issues. Insecurities. Mistakes made. Arguments. Harsh words said. Jealousy. Feelings hurt- even devastated. A break-up or two before reconciliation. I also had a feeling that somewhere along the way there just might be a "threesome" involving AC (though I was hoping not). And maybe it would even be more than a one time event while they were all on the road touring. After all it was pretty clear in the 2nd book, Access Restricted, that AC still had strong feelings for Tristan and that something of a sexual nature probably had gone on between them back in the day. On top of that, it was a rock n' roll tour after all, and crazy stuff can happen on them. :)Ok so this is where I was blindsided in this book, based on how the story was being told in the first 2 books of this series:While it was clear to me that AC may still be in love with Tristan from whatever type of "relationship" they had however many years ago, it was also clear to me (or so I thought until I was proven quite wrong in this book), that Tristan was no longer in love with him. Actually, scratch that. I never even got the feeling Tristan had ever been in love with AC when reading the first 2 books. Rather, I got the sense that whatever had happened between them, it was more of a lust/sexual chemistry type thing that Tristan felt for AC, and probably with drugs and alcohol thrown in a lot of the time. But that's it. Of course I expected Tristan in this book to love and care for him as one does a dear lifelong/best friend. And maybe even still feel a little sexually attracted to him, but I never expected that Tristan was ever in love with AC- let alone would be (or would fall) in love with him again in this book. Sorry, but I just did NOT see that coming, especially after reading the last few chapters of the last book, Access Restricted.Another thing that blindsided me and was probably the single thing that most tarnished (devastatingly so) this amazing, unique, and intense love story for me, was the infidelity. Like I already said- I was expecting they could possibly have a threesome at some point, but only because all 3 of them would agree to and want it. However, I never thought Tristan would have a sexual encounter of any sort with AC behind Lily's back first. Actually, he obviously had at least a few (if not a lot), since Hank the bus driver confessed to Lily in one of their private early morning discussion that he'd basically witnessed it. "Eyes open, mouth shut." Honestly, I just cannot reconcile it in my head with the Tristan that was in the first 2 books, especially in AR. At the end of that book- the things Tristan texted, said, and did to win Lily back from her boss Dave (though I know she wouldn't have ever really gone with Dave)- they were all wonderful and beautiful. The clear signs of a man thoroughly in love with someone. But then all of sudden in this book, he's in love and in lust with AC too?? Um, what?!? When?!?I believe that Tristan didn't mean or want to hurt Lily. He truly loves her too, that can't be denied. Yet on the other hand he did cheat on her. He was so selfish and so deceitful with/about AC. So is that how you treat someone you truly love?? I guess that's how Tristan did and justified it in his head because he's in love with two people at the same time?? I don't know, but just because you're in love with two people, that doesn't make it ok for you to "have your cake and eat it too" behind someone's back. Especially someone you love. How could Tristan think that wouldn't hurt her, or confuse her, or make her feel insecure in their relationship? Or worse- did he know it would, yet that was a chance he was willing to take because that's how desperate he was to be with AC as well (even though he was no such thing in the other books)? Cheating is cheating. Period. And Tristan cheated on Lily, whether or not Lily minded or thought of it that way herself. The Tristan in this book is woefully different from the one in the last two. He by no means is a perfect man. No man is. He comes with a whole lot of baggage, insecurities, and flaws (so does Lily), but in the first 2 books he was a decent, caring, honest man that was healing, learning, growing, creating, trying his best in life- who fell in love with Lily and wouldn't have treated her so disrespectfully by cheating on her. Not even with his best friend, AC.Lily wasn't too hurt by their secret affair it seems and it was quite sad to see her become a willing doormat. She went through some conflicting emotions and insecurities when she first caught them, but she became accepting and understanding of it all rather quickly (for the most part). So much so that she didn't even call Tristan out on it. However I, as the reader, was not accepting or understanding of it. I was angry for Lily. I hurt for Lily, felt bad for her, even if she didn't for herself.If Ms. Severin felt this is the way the story must go (why oh why?!?), then Tristan should've let Lily know up front about he and AC before he pursued her (quite strongly, I might add) and she fell in love with him. Or in the very least before they hopped in the back of that limo at the end of Access Restricted to go off on Tristan's comeback tour together as a COUPLE. (Not a "triple"!) But he never even hinted at that to Lily. Why? Because I'll say it again-- AC was a "non-issue" in the first two books. The whole Tristan loving AC and cheating on Lily with him, came out of left field. Out of the ballpark! There really was no foundation for it.Tristan is a flawed and vulnerable man with many issues. But I really didn't think being a cheater and liar was one of them. That's not the kind of person he was in the first 2 books. I'm crushed that Tristan cheated on Lily. I don't care one iota that it was Tristan's most loyal, oldest, dearest friend/ex-lover/ex-sex partner that he cheated on Lily with. That did NOT make it ok or more understandable in the slightest.There were times in this book that it felt like Lily was almost the third wheel- like Tristan loved AC a little more than her and had more of a connection with him. Oh how I absolutely hated those times. (To be fair, there were times it felt the opposite too, though not quite as often.)Tristan- you may not have broken Lily's heart, but you sure broke mine. :(And look, I'm going to come right out and say that I hated knowing Lily loved Tristan with all her heart- and ONLY Tristan- while he did not love only her back in return. Nor with all his heart. No, it seems half his heart belonged to AC, or close to it anyway. (Talk about killing a love story!) Eventually Tristan was honest about that with Lily and she for all intents and purposes appeared to be okay with it. But I, the reader, am not. And no offense to AC. I liked him just fine and felt bad for him a little because I don't think it was easy for him to watch Tristan be with Lily too, though he hardly ever showed it. Probably because he knew he didn't have a right to be upset since he came back into the picture (back into Tristan's life) after Lily and Tristan were already together and a couple in love. Obviously, Tristan and AC have a long sordid history and relationship together (apart from their close friendship) that we never quite get the details of, but Tristan moved on- or so it was portrayed that way in the first 2 books. In Access Restricted, Tristan fought to win Lily back after he'd hurt her. He asked her to go on tour with him as his girlfriend, not just as a journalist. He asked her to move in with him afterwards. Told her that they belong together- not apart. He told Lily he loves her. That he wants her and that he needs her. He proclaimed that he's "staked his claim" on her. There was no mention of AC in any of this. No sign or inclination that Tristan was ever in love with AC in the past, let alone actually in love with him now (regardless of the knowledge that they'd once had a sexual relationship years ago). In fact when Lily abruptly left London in the last book (AR) because she'd been hurt by Tristan- AC was in a robe in Tristan's hotel room. Was Tristan there, getting it on with him that night? No. And what did Tristan basically do as soon as he came to the next morning after a night of drugs and alcohol (because he'd basically been devastated after having believed a big fat lie that Lily was in a relationship with Dave and only using him)? Did Tristan stay in London to be with AC, whom he'd not seen in quite a while (maybe years)? No, he did not. No doubt Tristan was quite happy to see him after so long, but AC was not his focus or his want in the slightest. Just Lily. Tristan kept that scheduled lunch with Trevor (most likely because he needed his advice after the big mistake he made that hurt Lily), but then he hopped a plane to NY to chase Lily and fight to get her back. (Lily had observed when she saw him that he looked like he'd gone straight from the plane to see her- didn't even stop at a hotel to shower and get cleaned up first.) So you see, Access Restricted clearly ended with it being Tristan and Lily in love- and ONLY Tristan and Lily. There was no other love interest- not AC or anyone. But then in this book, the minute AC and Tristan start touring and performing together like old times- boom! No time wasted, they're getting it on (secretly), and Tristan is in love with him too now.  I mean, WHAT THE HECK?!? As much as I'm a reader who can't really stand love triangles, maybe I could've been "ok" with it (though not by much) had there been mention or signs of Tristan still having romantic/love type feelings for AC in the last book. But there wasn't. All that was portrayed in Access Restricted was a familiarity and bond between them during their first concert/performance together in years. And yes, even some sexual tension/chemistry on stage (for a very brief period when Tristan came up behind him), but that was it. And even that felt more like it was coming from a place of nostalgia/memories of times past, at least for Tristan. As soon as off the stage, Tristan immediately went to wallow in drugs backstage with his ex-wife and Paul because he stupidly believed their lies that Lily was only using him. Like I've said plenty already- AC may still have been in love with Tristan, but no signs that Tristan was with him. Not even a little. The only signs given (and pretty big ones), were that Tristan was falling in love with Lily at that point. And she with him. They both already had actually. They just weren't ready to admit it.Lily only loves and wants Tristan, even if that means sharing him with AC. She loves him so much that she's basically willing to take him any way she can get him. It's beyond sad to me that while Tristan is more than enough for her- all of a sudden in this book- she no longer is enough for him. Yes he loves her VERY MUCH, no question- regardless of everything with AC. But he loves AC now too. What happened?? Why such an abrupt change and direction in this book?? As far as I'm concerned, this love story should only be a love story between Tristan and Lily, BECAUSE that's EXACTLY what it is in the first 2 books. And that is how deeply I wish it had remained. There were all sorts of other options and scenarios Ms. Severin could have easily taken in this book to create drama and angst for Tristan and Lily before they got to their "happily ever after", that didn't involve Tristan loving someone else too, and cheating on Lily with that someone else- even if that someone else was his best friend/ex-lover/ex-sex partner.Obviously this book has brought out a lot of angst and emotion in me. :) I've basically written a book about it. Lol! That's because I LOVED the first 2 books SO MUCH. And I was looking very forward to this 3rd/final(?) book in the Access Series. I'm a reader who doesn't like cheating or love triangles in my romance novels. I avoid them as much as possible. I most especially don't like those things when there really wasn't any sign there'd be cheating or a love triangle in the previous books of a series. However I could handle a love triangle (barely), or rather 3 people being together in a relationship if they ALL want it and if they ALL love each other equally- or close to it at least. But it was pretty obvious to me throughout this entire book that if Lily was honest enough with herself (and Tristan) to admit it- her first choice would be to have all of Tristan's love (just like he has hers), and not have to share him with anyone else. I think AC would've preferred to have Tristan to himself too. Certain scenes and a few things thought and said in this book made that pretty clear. Lily and AC each loved and longed for Tristan. Not each other so much.By the end of this book it becomes fairly clear that Lily is who Tristan loves, needs, and wants most in his life. That she is whom he wants to share the bulk of his life with. And THANK GOODNESS for that at least! (Though unfortunately he still loves and wants AC too.) Even AC alludes to Lily during a quick, private conversation on a plane ride, that if she were to make Tristan choose between her or AC, Tristan would choose her. However, I sure would've LOVED to hear that from Tristan himself! I wish he'd told Lily in no uncertain terms that she is his "Number One." That she is the most important, precious person and love of his life. However on a completely other note, I couldn't help but wonder at the end of this book, that when Tristan and AC are soon off globetrotting/touring around the world once again and Lily stays home in London- what if AC then becomes who he loves most? Because that wouldn't be an unrealistic possibility since Tristan is in love with AC now too, even if not quite as much as he is with Lily. Things and feelings can wane and shift when you love more than one person, especially when one of them is "out of sight." And I hated having this line of thinking and questioning in my head immediately upon finishing this book. I hate to think of that at all. So it was yet another dark cloud over what was once a passionate love story between two people- and the beautiful, wonderful thing that happened at the end of this book.So did I mention already that I do not like love triangles of any sort? ;) Had I any inkling this 3rd (and I'm assuming final) book in the series was going there, I would not have gone. I'd have been perfectly content with the sweet, sexy, full of promise, and beautiful ending in the last book, Access Restricted- where it was only Tristan and Lily together and in love with each other (as far as the reader was concerned anyway, even if the author had other plans)- ready to embark on a wild, bumpy touring adventure. Starting their new life together as a COUPLE. Because then at least I could give them a "happily ever after" in my mind that no matter the drama, the obstacles, and the pitfalls they'd face getting there- it would not involve Tristan cheating on Lily or loving someone else in addition to Lily. Lily would have Tristan's complete love and whole heart, just as he has hers.I do want to end my EXTREMELY lengthy review (lol!) by saying that the first 2 books in this series will always be some of my favorites (regardless the utter disappointment of this book). Definitely in my top 10. <3 I do thank Ms. Severin very much for writing such an addicting, passionate, emotional, and ultimately beautiful love story in those first 2 books for Tristan and Lily. I fell head over heels in love with them both. And to be fair- there were a few moments in this book, Access Unlimited, that I found rather lovely. Most especially a particular one at the end. However those moments were far and few between for me. And pretty much ruined by the whole Tristan/AC story line. :(