Review: Horrendous
Rating: 1 out of 5
Date: 08 7, 2013
For once, single star may be generous.The plot of Doing it Wild is paper thin and sort of sounds like something a tweenager would fantasize about. A Very Creepy Fat, Mean and Shouty Dad wants to sell his Spunky Pretty Daughter into marriage to some Icky Dorks for reasons. Fortunately, the Spunky Daughter finds a way to sneak out of the house one day and spots a super Hunky Regular Guy who isn't as smart as she is but worships her, so it's all good. SD decides to run away for Love and have Naughty Sex!In order to provide very specific reasons why this story did not work and to ensure the author doesn't claim I didn't read the book, I'm giving exact Kindle locations with the handful of short quotations taken directly from the book. This is truly a minute sample, only because I can't quote the whole book. Yes, it was that bad.(Grace looking at her father) location 28: The red spots on his face and crooked teeth made me grunt and I closed my eyes.-Red spots...on his teeth? And grunted? That's an attractive and appropriate response.location 94: I sighed and stared at the partially built house across the road. Bulky men worked hard, constructing the house brick by brick. Their veins protruded through their skins , as they moved the heavy machinery, steel beams and hoisted up materials.-Through their skin? Gross.Up to this point, Grace has barely spoken to Finn. She met him the day before when she saw him across the street at a job site. She ran from him (like women always do when they get caught checking out a hot guy), he chased her down (like hot guys always do when women run from them), then they went back to the construction site trailer for coffee. After coffee, they had a bizarre almost-kiss in a shed and she left. Generously, that gives them 2 hours and in that time she's learned what he does for a living and that he doesn't know how to read.Grace gets tired of being a Poor Rich Girl and decides to run away. She bumps into Finn, who just happens to be lurking around her house late at night and she decides it's fine to go to his place. At the time of this location, they've spent perhaps another hour together and he's about to tell her a very big secret about his past. In her own inimitable way, Grace ignores every implication and acts like the idiot she is.location 342: He was a stranger, yet I knew him better than I knew anyone else in my life. I wanted to get to know more about him.location 380: He stepped forward, the sudden aggression in his eyes a total shock. I'd not seen this side of him before, but he was on the verge of spilling it and I wasn't about to give up.*************spoiler********************spoiler*****************spoiler****************Finn did seven years in prison.***********end spoiler***************end spoiler*************end spoiler******************************************************************************************************So hey, that didn't dampen Grace's excitement, so it was on to sexy times, that were really not sexy in the least. What followed was the most uncomfortable passage that I can't even use the quotes I had prepared, although they're over at Goodreads. There's charging, flinging, screaming, milking.Nearly everything I've read in the last 20+ years has had an element of romance in it and a fair amount has had explicit. Some has been really good, most has been mediocre and some has been cringe-worthy for a variety of reasons. This wasn't extremely detailed and mercifully, it was short, but it was awkward, sterile and forgive me, a little crass in that tweenager way I mentioned above.Say something nice, say something nice....Well, the whole book was very short. Even taking notes and making sure I got the locations for the quoted passages correctly, it didn't take me more than an hour to read it twice. I could have sworn Grace was a YA character, the way she pouted and stomped around the house, right before the author threw her back into a Grown Up Situation.This seemed hurriedly put together and whether it's an example of an author's first or tenth book, if this is the absolute best finished product (written, revised, edited, etc.) that's ready to hit the stores, it deserves the reviews and ratings it's going to get. I'm afraid they're going to be harsh.