Review: Trains and Dames
Rating: 5 out of 5
Date: 10 14, 2013
In case you weren't fully aware of the important facts, let me inform you that Ed Noon is a typical pulp era private eye operating out an office so small he called it the mouse auditorium.  In later novels, he becomes a super spy and meets space aliens. But in his seventh book, with an appropriately lurid cover and title, he's still the original swashbuckling PI.Here, Noon stumbles into a dimly-lit bar and meets Opal Trace and "sudden death."  "My eyes met hers," Noon explains.  "They had to.  You just didn't look into eyes like those and turn away.  Her voice was one thing.  Her eyes were something else again."  She ordered another stinger.  "The bartender was right.  She had them confused with water."Opal offers Noon fifty bucks to make sure she gets to Grand Central and gets on the 815 train, which according to her was a matter of life and death.  But all he has to do is put her on a train.  "Don't make my headaches your headaches," she tells Noon. Yeah, right, like Noon can keep his big nose out of it.And, her headaches walk into the bar in the form of two gents, one of whom, Dean, spoke as if he'd swallowed the entire dictionary, and the other called Spider.  Noon doesn't like guys who scare beautiful ladies and yup he's deep in this one.All Noon can think of is the lovely girl on his arm.  Never mind that's she's mixed up with dope, with bad men, that trouble follows her wherever she goes.  Never mind that Dean and Spider are after the Violent Virgin and Noon doesn't think that's Opal.  And he doesn't think Dean and Spider are playing with water pistols.A train headed to Chicago and all the players are on it.  And there's a crate big enough for a six foot statue.  "They're making Maltese Falcons bigger this year," Noon deadpans.The rest of the action takes place on the train as the players parley and fight and bodies keep turning up.  Noon can't stand good looking dolls "all bloodied up and wasted on death" and that nearly proves to be his undoing.  All in all, a great adventure in the Noon tradition.  Highly recommended.