Review: More a male fantasy than a female
Rating: 2 out of 5
Date: 08 2, 2012
I thought this was funny at about 25%, and then was ready to put it down by 45%, but I toiled on, dear reader, through all the sexual escapades, so that I could write a fair review for you.  I'm a novelist myself, and I don't give only two stars lightly.The book certainly has its hot moments, and following the "Alice" story is amusing.  But it didn't work for me, and this is why.*SPOILERS BELOW*While "Fifty Shades of Alice in Wonderland" wants to make us laugh while showing a naive young thing discovering the joys of good sex, it's really more of a male fantasy.  Once she goes down (ahem) the rabbit hole, Alice suddenly busts (oh my) out of her dress because her breasts get larger -- and we all know nothing else is more pleasing to a teenage girl than to be bigger in the boobs.  She is given high-heeled leather boots, but is otherwise nude, and comes (ahem!) to really enjoy prancing around in them as everyone in Wonderland compliments her on how excellent her butt and legs look.  When a strange biker guy gives her, among other things, a large black plastic dildo to suck on, she finds it so exciting that she nearly has an orgasm.For real women, turning someone else on is certainly exciting, but sucking plastic not so much.Finally, the porntastic fantasy of two men inside her at once is highly pleasing to Alice because she feels "completely full."  I would bet she does.  So full that it I don't think people do that much outside of porn world.And the rainbow thing?  So over that.I get it -- it's a fantasy, and not to be taken literally.  It's supposed to be funny.  The author was no doubt at great pains to show that women can be in charge once they know their sexual power, we're all happier when we're getting off as much as possible, all kinks are good, yada yada.  This just came across to me as less the liberating tale of a young miss who discovers her own sexuality and more as the way a man would want her to look, dress, and behave to please a guy.  Every guy who comes along, actually.Very telling was this bit of dialogue when Alice, early in the book, gets so hot that she asks a grinning observer if he would do her.  Regretfully, he says no: "I'm no longer a young man, and my refractory period is perhaps longer than you would feel obliged to wait."I would be very surprised if "Melinda DuChamp" (cute name - mi linda champinon - my pretty mushroom) is a woman.So it wasn't my cup of tea.Perhaps it will be yours.