write me a roleplay starter for r.m. renfield. he's wandered off into the streets of edinburgh and into an alleyway in a moment of clarity between his hazed brainwashing. he's realized that his life is not worth living if it means eternally being in the cruel claws of count dracula. he plans to poison himself, and has a vile to do it. make it long, make it artistic, give renfield inner dialogue. make references to christianity.