But I am unlucky.i feel dead inside me.i meet a nice man in May we are now together.he is much older than me .I knew he loves me.sometimes it feels to much to handle.his ex wife doesn't make it easier for us.he want to get married next year.even if I tell him I love him I lie.because I have no feeling.i been thru a lot of stuff reasonly but everything I do goes so wrong.i knew everything happens for a reason.sometime I wish to know what that really is.i can't go to church here because here is no Roman Catholic church.i can't be myself people judge me for who I am I don't go out of the house I feel unsafe.i am alone.i can't talk to my bf he makes a joke about everything