Marriages End with a Whimper When thinking about divorce or a problematic relationship between partners who are still married, one tends to picture a conflict, a drastic change, or a crucial betrayal that leads to the destroyed connection between spouses. For instance, one of them might be cheating, they have lost a child, or some dramatic event like the death of a relative could have happened. Although the fact that some marriages end in dramatic circumstances such as these is true, it is less common than one might think. John Gottman, an expert in marriage and an author of the book Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And You Can Make Yours Last , said that “marriages end with a whimper.” By this common saying, the psychologist highlights that most unions fail not thanks to a grand event that obliterates years of connection but by gradual and steady destruction of mutual respect, love, and compassion. This essay will further explore Gottman’s quote by elaborating on its meaning and applying relevant concepts of his book to the explanation. An Explosive Divorce versus a Quite Whimper As mentioned above, it is common for people to assume that if something is wrong in a close relationship between a wife and a husband, there is a profound and apparent conflict to blame. Although true in some cases, it is mostly a surface-level analysis that ignores the deep-rooted conflict that develops through years of marriage. More specifically, for example, if a husband cheated, one should ask about the reason for this behavior. Was it a result of disloyalty on his side or a more composite issue caused by marital miscommunication, lack of understanding, and criticism from the wife? The phrase “Marriages end with a whimper, not a bang” emphasizes that even if an obvious conflict like betrayal is present, there are more issues to examine. Gottman, by mentioning this common phrase, reminds us that a union between spouses is a complex and intricate process that lasts for years and decades. Even when both partners are committed to creating a meaningful and fulfilling family relationship, they are not always equipped with interpersonal skills, expertise, mere intuition, or simple patience to succeed in this convoluted process. More specifically, one of the partners might not be willing to share many of their personal feelings, creating a void of miscommunication and silence in place of sufficient conflict resolution. It is a common defense mechanism for many individuals to postpone, purposefully avoid, or consciously ignore the conflicting situation. Gottman describes this style of marriage communication as avoidant (Gottman & Silver, 1995). In this particular case, when one or both spouses are unwilling to share their genuine emotions and thoughts, no so-called “bang,” or explosive conflict, mentioned the quote will ever occur. Conversely, the tension will be built up for an extended period, resulting in loss of mutual understanding and the growth of confusion. Eventually, the partners will drift so far apart by avoiding each other that they will become strangers, ultimately resulting in their separation. In this particular case, the partners will only quietly whimper when remembering the good old times when this unknown person was dear to their heart. Similar to the complex issue described above, other couples can easi