SFBAI/1linejokes huggingface dataset:
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Who's your friend?
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Mattel has a campaign urging girls to pursue their limitless potential. It's called You Can Be Anything Except A Woman With Barbie's Body.
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I hope whoever invented Cool Ranch Doritos got a Nobel Peace Prize.
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It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then it's just a game. Find the eye!
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Using a public restroom always reminds me how much better I am at flushing a toilet than a lot of other people on this planet.
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Why Iron-man and not Fe-male?
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What summer vacation destination makes a pet bird sing for joy? The Canary Islands!
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You know those people using bibles on their phones? They are using phony bibles.
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You're so fat you tried to eat Eniemen at the Grammies.
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Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
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Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
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I hate going on the road, it Drives me crazy.
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I accidentally took an extra step when I reached the top of the stairs and now I'm in a marching band.
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What does one ho plus two ho make? A jolly Santa.
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You're like a fat stump, I'm always falling over you.
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Your pants say yoga, but your ass says McDonald's.
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My mom comes into my room with my grades, and one of them have a zero, and she asks, Why does it say that this is incomplete? I say, It was optional. For me it was optional.
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I'm typically attracted to guys who look like I'll need therapy after dating them.
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What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve? I haven't seen you for a year!
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Sure women live longer than men, but we spend that extra time at awkward bridal and baby showers wishing we were dead, so I feel like it's a fair trade.
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Hey baby, there's an OverflowException in my pants, care to handle it for me?
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My uncle died in 9-11. He was the greatest pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.
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What is Gods favorite car? A Prius.
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You don't sweat much for a fat chick.
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Our WIFI was down yesterday and I spent 45 minutes trying to fix it. Our dishwasher has been broken for 3 weeks and I haven't even touched it.
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War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
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Are you an exception? I bet I can catch you.
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I went to school without my shoes today. I got shoe-spended for a week.
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If You weigh 200 pounds on the Earth it is only 76 pounds on the Mars, and it means You are not fat but you are just on the wrong planet.
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I might only be 25% Irish, but on St Patrick Days I will be 100% drunk.
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My friend: Hurry up, someone calls the fire department! Me: We are the fire department!
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Hey baby, what's your resonance frequency?
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Where do snowmen go to donate their sperm? The snowbank.
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Why are Vegan women, hypocrites? Cause they love to bone and eat meat!
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Why is Santa's sack so big? Because he only comes once a year.
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3-year-old: stares at the baby What does it do? Me: Nothing yet. She's not here to entertain you. 3: Me: 3: Can we get one that is?
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I read a survey that said 82% of people enjoy being cuddled. But if the people on this bus are any indication, the real figure is, like 0%.
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Diet tip: If you think you're hungry, you might just be thirsty. Have a bottle of wine first and then see how you feel.
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I could tell my parents hated me, my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
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A healthy male organism is the one, which wakes up in the morning before the man.
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I read somewhere that Alligators only have to eat once every three weeks if only that Disney Alligator could have waited one more day.
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She asked if I had my shit together yet? I said of course, cause no one wants a man with Diarrhea.
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Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.
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Call your dad now and ask him what the wifi password is so he has time to find the little paper it's written on before Thanksgiving.
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Don't drink and drive, might hit a bump and spill it.
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What is a skeleton? Skeleton is a person who starts dieting but forgot to stop it
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Hey there, mind if I take a bite? Cause your decomposing in ALL the right places.
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Why can't the Christmas tree stand up? It doesn't have legs.
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How did the snowman lose his head? Someone sat on his face.
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What is a video game characters favorite method of brawling? Hitboxing!
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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because KFC was on the other side.
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I am so old I can tell the same joke on facebook every day. Some of my friends are so old, they will think it is a new joke every day.
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Don't drink while driving – you will spill the beer.
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What's the difference between wife and a blue whale? About 10 pounds.
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She's so ugly, the fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
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I'm having this recurring dream where I think I'm a horse. Last five nights on the trot
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My wife and I have started aggressively planning for our retirement, and by that I mean we're playing the lottery 3-5 times per week.
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I'm pretty sober, but I'm prettier drunk.
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 sarcastic We can't afford to take our kids to a corn maze this year so we're just going to take them to an IKEA instead.
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Where did the IT guy go? He probably ransomeware.
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How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony? It's not hard.
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How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
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If you glue a dead wasp to your palm, you can smack your boss on the back of the head as hard as you want and act like you saved him.
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I sleep better naked…why can't the flight attendant understand this?
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Dating a single mother is like continuing from somebody else's saved game.
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People don't get my puns. They think they're funny.
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To the person who invented infinity: Thanks for everything.
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I went into the bookshop and asked the woman for a book about turtles. She asked: Hardback? and I replied Yeah, and little heads.
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Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience.
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I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
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If you want to change your life significantly just walk to the Mercedes-Benz 600 standing at the junction, take a brick and throw it into the windshield.
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There is 1 thing 2 do 3 words 4 you I LOVE YOU.
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You can break a girl's head with a simple stone, and with a precious stone, you can break a girl's heart. But the wise say it is better with a simple one.
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Going apple picking would be cool if you don't know grocery stores exist.
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Facebook memories are a great way to see how fat you've gotten.
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I really didn't like getting lost on a campsite in the dark. I was feeling tents
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If my dog had a face like yours I would shave his ass and walk him backwards.
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Why women never fart when your dating? They don't have an ass hole till after they are married.
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For Mother's Day, I got my mom a case of Bud Lite. After all, I'm the reason she drinks.
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I hope you like beef because we will eat that when we meat.
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He was in a pub when he proposed. It was very romantic – he got up on one knee.
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Yo momma is so short, when she went to meet Santa he said, Go back to work!
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My teen sent my call directly to voicemail on the phone she used to have.
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What did Adam say to Eve on the 24th December? It's Christmas Eve, Eve.
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When you say edited it you are saying edit twice.
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I am the only candidate for president willing to win the feral hog vote, even if it amounts to just 30-50.
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Scratches and dents on the doors of your car are the side effects of bad driving.
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Your kid is so annoying, he makes his Happy Meal cry.
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At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he's adopted?
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How do blonde braincells die? Alone.
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I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don't know whose side I'm on.
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I see your grades are struggling said my mum. So I said, Like that button holding your trousers together
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I like having conversations with kids. Grownups never ask me what my third favorite reptile is.
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The grass is always greener on the other side because its fertilized with bullshit.
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Before marriage, men would wander parking lots aimlessly because they had no one to point out the open spots.
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If I buy a soccer ball, will you kick it with me?
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What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? Introduces themself.
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Q: What did the nurse say to John Cena? A: ICU.
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I don't need more meds, just fewer people.
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Do you know how much a polar bear weighs? (no) me neither but enough to break the ice, hi my name is ..
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I return to work tomorrow with a child-like belief that 2017 is the year people will think at least twice before hitting Reply All.
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Ugh, who has time to work out? I say before a 45 minute nap.
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My love for you is like diarrhea, I just cant hold it in!
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I didn't do it, nobody saw me do it, you can't prove anything.
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Your face is the reason why the new iPhone X failed to recognize someone's face.
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the West.
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I opened Outlook Calendar at work today. It looked like a bad game of Tetris.
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Nothing starts with an N and ends with a G. Change my mind.
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Makeup tip: You're not in the circus.
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If the other driver had stopped a few yards behind himself the accident would not have happened.
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I just don't understand why I can't sleep she said while staring at the little glowing box of doom in her hand.
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I've just joined an online internet forum about bridges. It's full of trolls
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You know, you're not that bad looking -- for a fat-ass.
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You're about as much use as parallel lines of a railway track. The only difference is the railway tracks take people places and with the way you are, it's no wonder you always end up going nowhere in life.
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Are your other donkeys jealous because that's one fine ass
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My life is a lot like that driver who signals right, but turns left.
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A wife can enjoy anything, until it's not my salary.
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You can't spell Advertisements without putting semen between tits.
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Me: Yay! No more periods! Menopause: Wait, here's a beard.
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Why did the toilet roll down the hill? To get to the bottom!
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You're so dumb, you think a lawsuit is something you wear to court.
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I found out about you from my last nightmare.
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You might not be a Bulls fan, but I know you felt it when this D rose.
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If the fortune has turned her back on you, you can do whatever you want behind her back.
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It is said that, you can't buy happiness. You only need to know the right places
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I grew a beard thinking it would say Distinguished Gentleman. Instead, turns out it says, Senior Discount, Please!
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I have an inferiority complex but it's not a very good one.
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Fat people suffer from their feet their feet won't stay out of the chip shop.
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I went out drinking on St Patricks Day, so I took a bus home That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before.
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Aging gracefully is like the nice way of saying you're slowly looking worse.
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People are like trees, if you chop them with an axe they die.
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You're not fat, you're just so full of shit.
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I am not an alcoholic. I simply enjoy living in liquid medium.
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I never knew the meaning of true happiness until I got married, but then it was too late
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Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
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When watching any game of woman's sport you must always spare minutes silence and think of all the men who will go without dinner tonight.
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Your mama is so stupid, she thought you were smart.
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What does a drug addict dream about on Christmas Eve? Building a snowman using only cocaine.
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You know the guy that was in the ring? Turns out the one he fought with was a bunch of bull.
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Hi, Can I domesticate you?
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My wife's maggot soup surprise is better than it used to be now that it is topped with coal ash.
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You know how birds can't see glass? Well, blondes can't either.
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I'm a prince in Lagos, Nigeria and I want you to help me move $500 million out of the country.
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Uber lost over a billion dollars in the last six months so they're asking their drivers to check between the seat cushions.
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What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? A pool table.
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The most beautiful makeup of a woman is passion. But cosmetics are easier to buy.
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Trump won't get re-elected if we just stop fixing our grandparents WiFi.
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To the 20 year old girl who wrote an essay claiming she is too pretty to be allowed to lead a normal life:Same.
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A mother makes her son intelligent in 20 years, but a woman can make him stupid in 30 seconds.
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In the competition of female logics, a random number generator won.
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We shouldn't make fun of fat people because they already have enough on their plate.
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Woke up early to go for a run and got as far as still laying here.
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Ladies dating a short guy is fun until you can't find him at the club and you don't have taxi money to go home.
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To avoid a collision I ran into the other car.
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She's as smart as bait.
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I'm not a stalker, I'm just an unpaid private investigator.
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You don't need committees to solve things. Just find two women who are in a real mood about some shit and send them on an evening fitness walk.
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I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.
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Whenever I see you there is a smile on my face. And by smile I meant I laugh.
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Winter is natures way of telling you to polish.
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Cats are a great pet if you've ever wanted convenient access to a friend that hurts your feelings.
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Hi, welcome to dating. These are your two options: 1. Stay together forever 2. Break up No pressure.
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By the cup of Nescafé even the most secret thoughts turn into words, and by the bottle of vodka – into actions.
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Middle age is when your old classmates are so grey and wrinkled and bald they don't recognize you.
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Swallowing your babies is fatal.
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I think therefore I can't get anything done.
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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.
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Her cooking is so bad, it would make medicine sick!
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Join The Army, visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.
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What are a blonde's first words after graduating college? Would you like fries with that?
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If you were a triangle youd be acute one.
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Two beer or not two beer, that's the question! William Shakesbeer
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If you believe that the quickest way to a man's heart is the stomach, you know that you are aiming a little too high.
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Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
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Heard about the drug addict fisherman who accidentally caught a duck? Now he's hooked on the quack.
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Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey.
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Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.
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When you have two choices and you take one away, you have zero choices.
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Congratulations, If you press the elevator button three times it goes into hurry mode – really
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My mom said that if I don't get off my computer and do my homework she'll slam my head on the keyboard, but I think she's jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathna tyn
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Easy to Easy is not easy.
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It's a sin to love another's wife and a punishment to love yours.
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You're not fat, you're just easier to see.
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Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer I saw the video we need to talk.
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You: Hey! What's your stomach fuel level on? Student: E! I'm starvin'!
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Yo mama so stupid when she got a call from her iPhone she put it in her eye.
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My girl always tells me Life is about the little things, but I just hate when she talks about her Ex.
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On a scale of newlyweds to married 25 years, how willing are you to admit I'm right?
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Why do people get married? So they can get divorced.
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My friend told me he had a sister. I asked if she was hot and he said she was 8. That wasn't my question.
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I hope that a blind mouse eats you. Why blind? It should be blind in order doesn't feel what a nasty thing it is eating!
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Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
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She's single if her man can't beat you up.
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Other people don't like my queue jumping. Especially when I use my motorcycle.
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Just finished building the deepest well in England. Got the plans wrong way round, started work on the tallest lighthouse.
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Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.
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I've seen a turkey but I've never been to Turkey.
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A wise man once said, There is safety in numbers. Yeah?! Well, tell that one to six million Jews!
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Useless trying to undo a mistake. Focus your efforts on new ones.
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My friend told me he wanted to see Africa and experience seeing people of a different skin color Later, I had to tell him KFC didn't count as a place.
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What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School? A law-botomy.
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You're not sure – outrun and make sure.
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Trump invited Putin to Washington because it's customary to take a tour of your new home before you move in.
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I got fired as an estate agent the other day. It was for selling the wrong type of semi.
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Saw a rival dad at Home Depot so I asked if he needed help finding anything.
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My wife told me: Sex is better on holiday. That wasn't a very nice postcard to receive.
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I really lack the words to compliment myself today.
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Your mama so fat, when you kill her you got a 5 kill streak.
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I tried eharmony. They kept matching me up with women who look like me in a wig. I'd be too intimidated to date someone that attractive.
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That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is act natural, you're innocent.
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Ever get it on with a rodent?
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The only difference between the people I've dated and Charles Manson is that Manson has the decency to look like a nut case when you first meet him.
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They say people couldn't have everything because they don't have enough space to put it, I sayeverything includes a bag with infinite space so I can put everything in easily.
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Your phone screen is brighter than your future.
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There are a lot of female hormones in beer. When I drink five bottles I also can't drive a car and start behaving illogically.
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She is so fat if you told her to haul ass it would take two trips.
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Ready for the only way to enjoy Instagram? Follow zero people. Follow every dog.
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Learn from yesterday, live for today and have hope for tomorrow.
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If I got a penny for everyone I've met who is as beautiful as you, I'd have all the money in the world.
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You head is so long when you ran in a race you came first and last.
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Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
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If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.
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I heard you were good at algebra. Can you replace my X without asking y?
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I had an argument with a woman yeah I lost
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You seem like the kind of person who always tried to open the wrong side of the milk carton in grade school.
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I'm guessing I'm not married because I'd take a bullet for a grilled cheese before I'd take one for a girl.
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Yo mama so fat when she stepped on the weighing scale it said: I need your weight, not your phone number.
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Did you hear about the monkey with a steak on his head, thought he was a grills?
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If you are a bit paranoid, does that mean you're upset with the numbers from 0 to 3?
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Idiot college called, they want there mascot back.
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There is no me in team. No, wait, yes there is!
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HOW DO I TURN OFF CAPS LOCK? I ACCIDENTALLY TURNED IT ON YESTERDAY AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TURN IT BACK OFF. ALL MY FRIENDS ARE MAD BECAUSE THEY THINK I AM SHOUTING AT THEM OVER INTERNET. PLEASE HELP!!!
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My New Year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
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The other day I stopped to pick buttercups, what buttocks were doing on the floor I don't know.
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Do you want to see a murderer? Kill someone and look yourself in the mirror.
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She's so fat that she ran down the street chasing a yellow school bus thinkg it was the largest twinkey ever.
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I've spent the past four years looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer, but no one will do it.
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My kid wants $20 to go through a corn maze with his friends, which is $20 more than I normally pay to walk through vegetables.
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Wow, this article looks awesome. clicks link finds out it's a slideshow throws computer out the window
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I need to get a Transformer for my son for Christmas but it's sold out. I am an optimist primarily so I remain hopeful.
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What has got two legs and bleeds? Half a dog!
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Is that a Higgs boson in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
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For me, being clean and sober means I'm showered and headed to the pub.
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I hate the part of the conversation where the other person says things.
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Getting a red heart instead of a yellow star makes me feel like things are moving a little too fast between us.
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My wine drinking is merely functional My personality is better with a little marinade.
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Alcohol makes people do things they know they shouldn't but kinda want to. E.g I started sleeping 20 hours a day.
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If you don't drink, smoke or do drugs you may live long enough to be a real burden to loved ones. Please pass the wine.
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A man enters a store and says: 15 litres of wine please. Did you bring a container for this? You're speaking to it.
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You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.
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If I can't buy you a drink, at least let me fix your laptop.
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There's a lot of pretty woman at spring because during other seasons you appreciate them with your brain.
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Yo hair so greasy, that you can survive off the fried chicken in food shortage.
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I can feel the gluons being exchanged between us.
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Every time you go to take a picture, when you smile you burn a hole straight through the camera.
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One time I told a rival dad that the air pressure looked low in one of his tires right in front of a group of people.
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Twitter is just LinkedIn for the chronically unemployed.
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How many Jews can you fit in a Voltswagen? 2 in the front, 3 in the back, 8 million in the ash tray.
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Tequila is a good drink: you drink it and you feel like a cactus: the only problem is that in the morning the thorns grow inward.
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I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.
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I'm an antisocial-psychic. I can see ahead of time that I won't want to talk to you.
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The fish tube is a government ploy to distract us from the very suspicious circumstances surrounding Jeffrey Epstein's death stay woke people.
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Any car is a self-driving car if you don't give a shit.
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Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road? Because it got stuck in a crack.
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Me: let's go this way. Shopping cart: no.
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What do you call a dictionary using meth? Addictionary.
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It's two in the morning. Do you know where your blankets are?
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I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.
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I call my car the Pussy Wagon because that's where I go to cry.
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Carrot is orange but orange is not carrot.
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In 34 years I've said I love you to two women and every dog I've ever seen.
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What happened to the Irish man who thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year? He gave up thinking.
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All the problems fade before a hangover
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Women were born to WOO MEN but why do they WOE MEN?
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I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She still isn't talking to me.
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Are you a mum? I am not a dad! Maybe you could help me with that!
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A woman is like canned food: one opens and everyone eats.
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Your eyes have a perfect wavelength of 563.4 nm.
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What's the difference between a Jew and a bullet? The bullet gets out of the chamber.
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She's so ugly, she made a freight train take a dirt road!
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I am so poor I can't even pay attention.
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Money isn't everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.
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A woman never wakes up her second baby just to see it smile.