SFBAI/1linejokes huggingface dataset:
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Are you a computer whiz? it seems you know how to turn my software to hardware.
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You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
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If I could meet my brain the first thing I would probably say is: It was truly and sincerely horrible working with you.
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Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit: Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
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My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off.
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The Miss Universe pageant is fixed. All the winners are from Earth.
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The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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I think that if I died and went straight to hell it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn't at work anymore.
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Hard to take women with false eyelashes seriously. It's like watching two tarantulas scream for attention.
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I'm in a long distance relationship. My girlfriend is in the future.
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Why don't we wait for life on other planets to find us? Why do we have to do all the work?
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My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words Lazy.
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Why do Java developers wear glasses? Beacause they cant C#.
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The only thing worse than seeing something done wrong is seeing it done slowly.
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We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
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Yes, money cannot buy you happiness, but I'd still feel a lot more comfortable crying in a new BMW than on a bike.
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You haven't experienced awkward until you try to tickle someone who isn't ticklish.
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Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege!
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iPhone8 (X) has facial recognition. It looked at my face and told me that I can't afford it
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The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
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I cooked Pancakes this morning. I was thrilled but my kids weren't. Apparently, he was their favorite rabbit.
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Raccoons? Oh, you mean garbage pandas?
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I remember being in so much debt that I couldn't afford my electricity bills, it was a dark time.
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What's the difference between men and government bonds? Bonds mature.
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Me: You said dress for the job you want. Boss: Give me my clothes back.
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If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on vacation.
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Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
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Sometimes you have to hug the people you don't like so you know how big to dig the hole in your backyard.
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What did the paper say to the pencil? You've got a good point!
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I know everyone thinks tall people have a lot of advantages in life but in reality, we have to deal with 40% more spider webs than you do.
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What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man? His wife is good at picking out clothes.
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It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper.
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Just trying to give my kids a few childhood memories they don't have to repress
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You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me.
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Incorrectly is the only word that when spelled right, is still spelled incorrectly.
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They say don't try this at home so I'm coming over to your house to try it !
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Why was the horse so happy? Because he lived in a stable environment.
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Thanks once again to autocorrect, my sister's kids are expecting the Easter Rabbi tomorrow.
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Music makes every day better, especially if you turn it up just loud enough to drown out all the people around you.
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Russian history in 5 words: And then things got worse.
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Smartphones are pacifiers for adults.
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Everything becomes 100 times louder when you're trying not to wake someone up.
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What does a skeleton orders at a restaurant? Spare ribs.
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If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
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Oh, what? Sorry. I was trying to imagine you with a personality.
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Marriage is the main reason for divorce.
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I've put something aside for a rainy day. It's an umbrella.
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Don't mess with old people, life imprisonment is not that much of a deterrent anymore.
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Squirrels always act like it's their first day of being a squirrel.
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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
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A courtroom artist was arrested today for an unknown reason details are sketchy.
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Team work is important: it helps to put the blame on someone else.
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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
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How did I escape Iraq? Iran.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball.
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I was addicted to the hokey pokey but thankfully, I turned myself around.
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I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're bothlefts which, on the one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.
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Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.
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Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.