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Duality Relations INFp and ESTp by Stratiyevskaya
¶
Written by
Vera Stratievskaya
:
original blog
entry
.
Duality observations
1. IEI-SLE. First stage of dualization. Aspect of sensing of experiences (channel 3-7). IEI’s aesthetic standards. (“Meet by the dressjudge by the mind.”)
¶
It is difficult to find people who would superficially appear to be as
different as the members of this dyad. On one hand, we have the
down-to-earth, realistic, tough and straightforward SLE Zhukov who
values his/her knowledge of life and ability to take on life “as it is”;
on the other hand  we have an idealist and a dreamer, a refined
“aristocratic” romantic, fragile and vulnerable IEI Esenin. Seemingly,
what could such people share in common and how are they supposed to
complement and balance each other?
As in any irrational dyad, partners here at first coordinate their
sensations and perceptions. Thus it’s not surprising that the first
stages of dualization fall on the aspect of sensing of experiences,
which is the role aspect of the IEI and observing aspect of SLE. The
saying: “Meet by the dress …” carries a lot of importance for this
dyad.
According to the predominant attitudes of the second quadra, a person is
expected to assume a worthy place within the society (within a system or
a hierarchy), and to make a good impression in every aspect, to
demonstrate that he, too, “wasn’t born yesterday”. Since this opinion is
shared by both representatives of this dyad, here it is customary to pay
attention to the outward appearance (especially “public” appearance),
and, accordingly, make evaluations of the appearance of others. It is
exactly with his elegance and refined manners that the IEI imparts a
favorable impression on the SLE. Conversely, the somewhat rough in his
movements and awkward in his behavior SLE may at first seem off-putting
to the IEI. However, the SLE is able to present himself effectively in
another manner: he is able to make an impression of a person who is
respectable, who has confidence in himself, who is well-to-do and
well-suited for life, who knows to appreciate the enjoyments and graces
of life and knows how to acquire them. Bot of the representatives of
this dyad usually know how to make a favorable impression on those
around them. In this dyad, the ability (and the desire) to show oneself
“upfront” is valued, as is the skill to bestow honors and praises and to
value and appreciate them.
Elegant appearance and appropriate for the occasion festive atmosphere
here is a sign of great respect. The question “for what/whom did you
dress up?” has no place in the second quadra. Dressing up for a meeting
is a way of showing one’s deference. Members of this dyad might feel
offended if a person comes to an important meeting without prior
preparation and not dressed to the occasion. Observance of rituals,
customs, and traditions here, as in any aristocratic dyad, is of
importance. If his partner underestimates the importance of accepted
customs and traditions, the IEI may feel upset and offended and later
even take revenge for such dismissiveness:
An example from life of an IEI-SLE couple: “She (SLE) has arrived to the
music conservatory’s graduation ceremony of her IEI partner in everyday
work clothes, conventional business dress and boots, without flowers to
present them to her IEI partner and his graduate advisor. She didn’t
have the time to stop by home to change her outfit - didn’t think of
this in advance. She didn’t bother to put on makeup or do her hair. And
of course, it did not occur to her to arrange for a celebration in honor
of his graduation. However, she did remember to criticize him for his
mediocre performance at the final concert, and the “C” mark that he has
gotten for his graduate work: he’s put so much effort into it and the
result was less than modest, a C with so many difficulties. She didn’t
forgive him this mediocre success, while he has never forgiven her for
her offhand and dismissive attitude towards such an important event in
his life. And in less than a week they parted. After the concert, he
went out to visit some of his friends. Then, a week later, he gathered
his things and filed for a divorce. She thought that after getting his
diploma he has grown arrogant and pretentious, and therefore no longer
saw her as an equal to him partner. On the average, this wasn’t too far
from the truth: he didn’t consider her to be someone sensitive and
considerate enough to be a match for him. In some sense he has decided
to take revenge on her for her rude and offhand approach to such an
important event in his life. He tried to talk with her about it, but she
again didn’t understand him: “Who cares if he’s gotten a diploma. That’s
nothing exceptional. He should try to find a job with this certificate.
There are so many musicians around … Now there’s one more.” From her
point of view, it was too early to celebrate - with his specialty it
wasn’t clear whether it’s better to even have a diploma. Additionally,
she was afraid that his new requirements will lead to even further
disappointments for which she will have to pay with her labor, her
patience, and material support. But none of this has happened for he has
simply left her. This new stage of him has coincided with a search for a
new environment that is more accepting and conductive towards his
bearing in life.
2. IEI-SLE. The potential of power and possibilities within the dyad. Coordination on the aspect of intuition of potential.
¶
Representatives of these types also coordinate their positions on the
aspect of intuition of possibilities (Ne). Both of them see for
themselves some openings and options for occupying a certain place
within a system (within a hierarchy or a superstructure). Here the SLE
tries to present himself in the most favorable light and make an
impression of a person who has open potential and prospects, and who has
“everything under his grasp”. As for the IEI, the aspect of Ne
corresponds to his observing function: he intuitively follows what is
happening around him, observes that others don’t “pass over his head”,
that he isn’t being forgotten and deprived or “thrown overboard”. The
IEI is also sometimes not averse to bluff a little and insinuate that he
has some sort of connections and opportunities (and often they are
within his reach).
The IEI is no less capable that the SLE to achieve a certain position
within some sphere, but in contrast to his dual he does so gently,
tactfully, using his charm and creative ethics: “I heard that there is a
new department that is recruiting people. Is there any chance for an
opening there?” Once obtaining the position, the IEI is usually able to
keep his place within a system by proving that he is “indispensable”. Of
course, he has the easiest time with this when he is dealing with his
dual.
3. IEI-SLE. Interaction of a logical constructivist and an ethical emotivist.
¶
The IEI is able to foresee impending dangers of ethical-intuitive kind -
a quality that is valued within second quadra. This allows him to
anticipate somebody’s insidious plan, a possible betrayal, treachery,
hostility, detect lack of sincerity. With such information and
“forecasts” the IEI provides an invaluable service to his dual. By this
he wins over his dual’s consideration and trust in shortest time
possible, becomes his “right-hand man/woman”, freely and confidentially
communicates with him on any topic. In intuitive-ethical sense the IEI
has the same effect on the SLE as does the EIE on the LSI.
A dualized SLE prefers to build his relations relying on IEI’s advice
and suggestions. He frequently consults with the IEI about the
intentions and behavior of other people, as well as what could be
expected and from whom. It is typical for a non-dualized SLE to
experience a measure of psychological discomfort of ethical-intuitive
nature, which manifests in the way of heightened distrust and
suspicions, cynicism, cruelty, brutality, that create certain
communication problems for the SLE. This is why he needs a partner with
flexible, agile, and diplomatic ethics, who has, among other things,
possesses keenness of perception of ethical-intuitive kind  that is,
all the qualities with which Esenin is endowed in excess. Ethically, the
IEI is able to adapt situationlly to any environment. He is a conformist
he is often friendly, helpful, genuinely enthusiastic, often capable
of “melting” and winning over even the most uncommunicative person. It
is not surprising, therefore, that the SLE finds it easiest to
communicate with him. The IEI usually takes on all ethical initiative
onto his shoulders: he bridges the interpersonal distance with ease,
assumes a light and casual tone in conversation, very quickly adapts to
his conversation partner, makes light and charming jokes.
Is the IEI not put off by SLE’s cynicism, harshness, and directness?
These qualities are rarely directed at the IEI in a hostile form.
Whatever the case might be, such qualities don’t seem to destroy IEI’s
system of ethics. The SLE is also capable of being kind, generous, and
fair. In cases of a successful dualization these are the qualities that
he is most likely to show towards his dual partner. It’s very rare that
the IEI is seen as an enemy by the SLE, especially so because the IEI
himself finds these “enemies” for him.
What about the instances when their interests clash and they come into
opposition? Would the IEI be able to fend for himself? Yes, he would.
Creatively manipulating his implementation aspect of “ethics of
emotions” the IEI is able to achieve much.
Here’s an example: The young man of the type IEI has married a very
wealthy, but no longer young woman of the type SLE. (This situation was
obviously somewhat risky for his aging partner.) In this relationship,
all of the desires and whims of the young man were unconditionally
carried out. He managed a business as did his wife, but unlike his wife
he did so poorly. When his business went under, his wife paid for all of
his debts. After that, the couple has decided that he will no longer
work - it was too expensive for the family - but instead he will manage
their household and family affairs. This was the second mistake for his
SLE wife: to lock up a young guy in four walls and assign him many
boring household chores and responsibilities. He of course didn’t take
care of them but lived his life as he pleased, socialized with whomever
he pleased, went out to see his friends and stayed over with them. His
wife rarely saw him around, and of course she started questioning his
absences. Her chief concern was the relation of her IEI husband towards
her. Add to this their age difference, and fears, and uncertainty about
the future, and the sense that you’re only being used. In short, this
woman has decided to bring order to their family affairs. Since she
couldn’t resolve the situation with direct inquiries, she turned to a
private detective agency and asked them to watch her husband. This was
her third mistake. It’s very easy to understand where she was coming
from: she felt that her marriage was falling apart, she didn’t feel
support coming from her IEI husband over her weak intuitive and ethical
aspects, but was instead left alone to her doubts and fears - and this
was the result. Her husband soon guessed that he is being watched.
Perhaps he had even foreseen such turn of events and even subconsciously
instigated it. In short, he was able to capitalize on the situation,
more so since the guys from the “agency” unwittingly helped him in this
- they were doing their work in too crude and “visible” a manner. Thus,
our hero immediately took advantage of their mistakes and quickly put
together a compromising story of his faithful wife thus shifting the
accusations on her poor, innocent head, and forcing her to repent her
unfounded suspicions and be tormented with the most cruel remorse. “She
paid off my debts” - he would say “and I was loyal and faithful to her
since after all she has done for me it would be wrong of me to cheat on
her … By her suspicions she has offended me. It’s hard for me to
understand what has happened and to forgive…” That is, now he shifted
the crux of the guilt onto her shoulders - it turned out that she was
the one to blame. His wife begged him to forgive her, while he obtained
even greater freedom to do as he wishes, additionally no longer
considering himself to be her debtor.
One of the complication in this case has been that the SLE woman was
significantly older than her husband. Even in dual union such a
difference in age is undesirable. This of course exacerbated her
insecurities, since people of SLE type their position in the family, in
the system, the society rarely seems sufficiently reliable and durable.
Sensing logical types always find it difficult to prognose how their
relationships are developing. But the logical sensing types of 2nd
quadra are especially vulnerable in this respect. Excessive suspicion
and mistrust take a toll on them, as does consideration of prejudices,
traditions, and false stereotypes and incorporating these into their
thinking. Representative of intuitive logical (NT) and sensing ethical
(SF) types feel themselves more confident in same situations due to
having strong intuitive or ethical aspects: they have the ability to
prognose and anticipate and predict, or the ability to influence and fix
the situation ethically. The perception of ST types, however, is blunted
and “blanked out” on both ethical and intuitive fronts.
Does this mean that ethical intuitive (NF) types have the most advantage
in a relationship? They can in some situations afford themselves to be
much older than their spouses. Here is a unique example of an older
women of type IEI who is 12 years senior her husband. The reader may
think that this must have been a very confident in herself and
successful woman. However, this wasn’t the case. There was no success,
nor elevated self-esteem. Before she met her dual, she was an abandoned
by her previous husband housewife raising three children and undergoing
terrible depression. Fortunately she was able to find a good job, so
after a while she was able to feel herself more confident. She wasn’t
thinking of marrying again - there were enough problems as it was.
Nevertheless one day she met a young man who quickly and easily dualized
with her. Neither the presence of three children, nor their age
difference bothered him. Up to date, they have been happily married for
five years. Her husband for her is the pinnacle of trustworthiness.
Which him she feels like she is “behind a stone wall.” Though of course
she must have been a proactive and not a weak person herself if
everything has come together so well for her.
And thus we can see that it is not advisable for the SLE to encourage
any immature attitudes in the IEI or enable him to indulge in his
weakness. But this isn’t that easy. The aspect of extraverted sensing is
located in the “point of absolute weakness” in the IEI’s model of the
TIM. Thus the IEI uses any and every opportunity to guard himself from
unnecessary and unwanted exertion. Additionally he can use his emotional
influence to achieve all that he needs. But not always.
Here is an example: A big businessman of type SLE have gotten himself a
mistress of type IEI from the type of modest, intelligent, but, alas,
unemployed girls. Of course he immediately negotiated all aspects of
this “position” as is characteristic of an SLE. This arrangement lasted
about three years and ended in a break-up. Why? The situation was
initially hopeless and highly unethical for his partner. This was a blow
to her ego: neither her intuition nor ethics could be realized and shown
under these conditions. Her position was humiliating; she constantly
felt that she is the one being “used”. At first, she was still as was
hoping that their relationship will be legalized and by all means tryied
to influence her partner, but this did not lead to anything, because he
was married and for some reason he couldn’t get a divorce. In the end,
they had to break up. Of course, he was very upset by this break-up,
although the only thing he remembered was her reproaches, debilitating
scandals and tantrums with which she exasperated him. It was strange
that they have gotten together in the first place. Though there may be
nothing strange here. Dualization usually transpires faster and easier
than the relationship itself develops (we have already mentioned this).
4. IEI-SLE. Interaction over creative and activating aspects.
¶
In the initial stage of relations, the IEI usually demonstrates
exceptional sincerity, sensitivity and tact (+Fe) - qualities that are
particularly impressive for the SLE. In other words, the IEI treats the
SLE in the same way as he would like to be treated himself. And he shows
his respect for his partner, which for Zhukov carries a special meaning
- the question of his own authority and standing are extremely important
for him; he needs to feel respected in the eyes of his partner. It is
precisely with respect that Esenin generously lavishes his partner. He
with eagerness and enthusiasm admires his partner’s talents (by which he
elevates SLE’s self-esteem). In conversation he takes on a
demonstratively confidential tone (of course within certain limits, he
wouldn’t want to say too much). However, all of this is nothing more
than ethical tactics of the IEI, whose purpose of which is clear: to
enlist the consideration and support on an influential person.
IEI’s feelings are dynamic and variable. Infatuation, admiration,
lyrical-romantic enthusiasm and excitement form the common and natural
emotional state for him. In the absence of an “object of affection”,
Esenin experiences anger, emptiness, and begins to follow somebody
simply out of boredom, in order to fill his life with at least some
romantic (“ethical”) content.
Relations between Esenin and his partner become more stable and lasting
when the IEI receives some real help, when his everyday problems are
resolved - that is, when he receives real support on the aspect of
“logic of actions” (Te). And here comes the turn of Zhukov to
demonstrate his practical qualities and know-how. As chaotic and
disordered is the IEI - as soundly economic and collected is the SLE. In
this way they also complement each other. It should also be mentioned
that it is precisely by means of real, practical help that the SLE
expresses his kind relation for another person.
5. IEI-SLE. Support over “point of least resistance”; interaction over mobilizing and demonstrative functions of logic of actions and ethics of relations.
¶
The presence of Zhukov disciplines Esenin. It has been noticed that a
dualized IEI often works a lot and very productively. The IEI becomes
hard working next to the SLE … and even then, not just any SLE. Still,
no other partner is able to involve the IEI in work as well as Zhukov
accomplishes this. In this, the SLE aided by his imperious intonation,
his “commanding” voice, his gruffness and sternness - it is exactly
these qualities that spur IEI’s practical activity.
If Zhukov did not possess such qualities, he would have turned into a
disorganized IEI himself. This, by the way, is what happens when members
of other sociotypes become IEI’s partners - the IEI begins to relax them
and then freeloads at their expense: “You feel so good with me - why not
do some work for me?” It is exactly with Zhukov that this trick doesn’t
pass. Even though he, too, can do a lot for the IEI, but the SLE won’t
allow anyone to freeload, or at least he/she will try to avoid this at
all costs.
What explains the lack of order and organization in the life of Esenin
and his attempts to freeload at another’s expense? Let’s say this from
the onset that he doesn’t notice his own propensity to “climb on the
shoulders of others”. Subconsciously, the IEI is oriented at the
practical care of his dual partner and his demonstrative aspect of logic
of actions (-Te). Additionally, in any relations, the IEI views himself
to be an equal partner. As any ethical type, he considers that he has
equal rights within any relationship. Relationships are a completely
voluntary choice of both partners; thus if someone wants to provide for
him, then why not allow them to do so?
From his side, the IEI takes care of his partner ethically and does it
very conscientiously. He does so within his own system of values, which,
incidentally, coincides only with the values ??of the SLE. Therefore,
partners of other types may feel upset and offended at the IEI however
much they wish, while the IEI, in turn, will feel rightfully offended
not only by the fact that his services were not valued, but also by the
fact that he hasn’t been given a chance to fully realize himself (which
again is only possible in partnership with Zhukov). On the aspect of
logic of relations (-Ti), the IEI considers that he provides his partner
with services of equal value - and if they are unappreciated or
undervalued, this is not his fault.
Concerning IEI’s participation in any practical undertakings, here he is
primarily concerned that he won’t be used or exploited, because this, in
his understanding, lowers his social status (it is humiliating): “The
main thing is to not be the one on whose back others haul water.” And
this is perfectly understandable - in the worldview of the 2nd quadra,
where one is greeted “by the dress” and escorted “by the mind”, the
ability to take up an advantageous position within the hierarchy is very
important. In second quadra, it is shameful to be an unsophisticated
simpleton, to be a weakling, to be the “last one”. That is why the
“smart alecks” and “artful/shrewd upstarts”, who want to be smarter than
everyone else and run ahead of everyone, are resented and despised here.
It is because of them that the others feel themselves falling behind,
which in itself is upsetting and embarrassing.
Here, we are dealing with the “complex” of the second quadra - the
complex of “being a peon”. Nowhere does this complex manifest as vividly
as in the dyad IEI-SLE. For the IEI and the SLE occupying a comfortable
place and achieving success in life is just as important as for the EIE
and the LSI. They may start out as someone’s “underling” or “assistant”
but to remain at this level is already embarrassing. This is why the IEI
always closely tracks the upward movement and promotion of others and
uses their pace as point of orientation for himself. Incidentally, it
should be mentioned that an SLE with understated social status is not
very attractive for his dual. However, usually the SLE is helped in this
by his natural ambition and desire for leadership. SLE men, of course,
have more opportunities to realize their program, thus in many
situations they feel more confident and are at more advantage than the
SLE women. As has already been mentioned, Zhukov with low self-esteem
risks losing his dual.
It may even be said that the SLE substitutes his strong sensing for
ethics - he proves his rights and legitimacy by force. And why not?
Within the framework of dual relations, volitional resolution of ethical
situations eliminates many problems for Zhukov - by this approach he
doesn’t allow the IEI to let himself loose, doesn’t permit for himself
to be pushed around or treated with scorn and disregard, and shows
himself a worthy and equal partner in every regard.
Is this why the IEI begins to work “full steam” next to the SLE? Yes, if
the IEI feels himself “in the same harness” with him, if these duals
share common goals and interests.
The dyad IEI-SLE is very resilient and enduring under extreme
conditions. For example, in conditions of emigration members of this
dyad have the easiest time adapting to and assimilating their new
environment: they incorporate themselves on any terms into an already
established system, and then purposefully and systematically work for
their place under the sun. The “push-through” qualities of the SLE here
successfully combine with the intuitive flexibility and maneuverability
of the IEI (very few people know how to “keep their nose to the wind” as
well as does the IEI). It is no accident that the members of this dyad
often hold key positions not only during the totalitarian regimes (the
society of the “second quadra”), but also during the transition to the
third quadra, to the society of “free market economy” …
And how does the IEI fit into this contingent? In what capacity? As a
“trustee” or the spouse of a businessman. The female representatives of
this type are always so feminine, graceful and elegant, very suitable
for such a role. Perhaps this kind of childlike vulnerability of the IEI
is very attractive for the SLE. Next to Esenin he feels himself more
courageous and strong. The aspect of volitional sensing indeed is
located at the infantile level for the IEI, in the block of SUPERID in
the position of “absolute weakness”. In this way the relation of the
“program” aspect of SLE and the “suggestive” aspect of the IEI
advantageously highlight one another - the SLE doesn’t feel shy or
afraid of his own volitional capabilities next to the IEI; he feels
comfortable and natural in the role of the defender and protector of the
weak.
How is it that the IEI doesn’t hesitate to demonstrate his weakness?
This is not entirely correct to say - the IEI will try to advantageously
use his weaknesses (the 5th position is always on the infantile level of
the TIM model, but nevertheless this is a “manipulative” block). In
partnership with the SLE he is especially successful at it. As has been
mentioned previously, the IEI allows others to patronize him and take
care of himself. This is, ethically he constructs the situation in such
way that others even ask for it themselves. And let us agree, that it
takes skill to build relationships in this manner!
6. IEI-SLE. Mutual dependence. Interaction in presences of common and divergent objectives.
¶
Subconsciously the IEI assesses his conversation partners very quickly
on intuitive aspects. Everything else comprises his ethical “tools”: the
manipulation of emotions and the demonstration of certain relationships.
Under which conditions does this happen? Most often this occurs when the
IEI is a spoiled, over-pampered man with elevated self appraisal, while
the SLE is a patient, loyal, selflessly devoted woman who takes on the
function not only of his wife but also that of his mother (we have
already discussed such an example). It is clear from the first glance
that this is not the most beneficial and successful coupling. The
situation is further aggravated the longer their relations remain
ethically and socially uncertain. Let’s recall that the first mistake of
the SLE woman in our previous example has been that she was in a hurry
to legalize her relations. And she is not the only one who commits such
a mistake. For a SLE woman, as for any other woman of logical-sensing
type of the second quadra, it is very important to consolidate her
relations with a certain social status. This is understandable: she
strives to reinforce her weak ethical and intuitive aspects with her
stronger aspects of sensing and “localized” logic of relations (logic of
“systems” or “hierarchical structures”). That is, the reasoning here
goes something like this: “It’s not clear how our relations will
develop, but at least there will be a stamp in the passport. Then he
won’t be able to simply leave me. I’ll take it up to local union/court -
I will find him anywhere …” Such a straightforward and ambitious
partner may resort to any means and make any sacrifices and concessions
in order to “get the man” that she wants.
But here the IEI won’t be in a hurry, because it will be important for
him to first secure his own influence. He finds himself in a situation
where his every wish is being met, and even makes his partner beg him
for this “favor”. Acting in this manner he intuitively “out-plays” his
partner, keeps her “on the hook”, and sets his own pace and tone to the
development of their relations. At this stage, the IEI may be tempted to
fall into a role of a pampered, moody child who pulls and pulls from his
“good aunt/mother” (as much as it’s permitted by his “intuition of
possibilities” which outlines for him the “permissible limit” of what he
can get).
Here it would be nice for the SLE to apply his “knowledge of life”, to
assess the situation from the point of view of “opposition of partners”,
to understand that he is being tested and invited to measured up his
skill. This is the situation to use his authoritarian tone and to “show
who’s boss”. And how could it be otherwise? Should he tolerate the
tantrums of his dual? Give in to the demonstrative sentimentality? We
have already seen where this will lead him. Here what is important is
the level of development of SLE’s normative “intuition of possibilities”
(channel 3-7): will he pick up “which way the wind is blowing” and
notice that his partner is testing him for how easily he will give in,
by which the IEI also asserts his own rights to all-permissiveness?
In the meantime, the situation becomes more complicated ethically. The
SLE becomes more and more ethically vulnerable to and dependent on the
IEI. Besides, the SLE is very limited in his actions: certain ethical
inertness and straightforwardness typical of the representative of this
type prevent them from changing their tactics at the right time
(especially since they aren’t always able to sense the “right time”).
Again, a SLE woman may decide to not force things due to gender roles:
“a woman should not impose herself on the man”. In this respect SLE men
have certain advantages: they can take their dual “by the storm” giving
the IEI little time to think things over. SLE woman cannot press things
in such a manner, especially if she holds herself to typical gender
prejudices. Thus, an IEI man is often able to “stretch out the time”,
and therefore subordinate his partner to his will and wishes and
restrain her by fear: “who knows if we’ll get married or not?” She, in
the meanwhile, grows nervous and painfully aware of her ambiguous
position (in understanding of the second quadra), and at the same time
she starts developing a way to “guarantee” her future; for example, she
may even become pregnant to oblige him to marry her.
The reader may think that this is one strange dual relationship. But
there is nothing strange here. What we have discussed were cases where
the goals of the duals did not coincide: when the woman wants to get
married as quickly as possible (if only because she feel afraid of being
“too late” and to be “left behind”), while the man is happy with the the
situation as it is (someone is caring for him like his “mother”).
Equipped with such a strong “program” intuition of time, the IEI himself
sets the pace to their interaction and development of their relations.
And he will not hurry the events if he isn’t eager to speed up this pace
(even if at the beginning he can make promising allusions that he would
take all the ethical initiative and by this very much “hook” his partner
and hold her on the hook).
It is not all the difficult to realize by which this means this “tactic”
is implemented - by ethical ones. IEI’s way of communication is notably
emotional (implementing function of “ethics of emotions). He manipulates
emotions with refinement and finesse, applies the entire “palette” of
emotional colors, demonstrating modesty (that impresses the SLE),
softness and tenderness in his voice, and slight ironic arrogance, and
somewhat mysterious but at the same time encouraging dalliance.
Even the IEI men? For them this sometimes manifests this even more
vividly than for IEI women. It is clear that such an emotional range
practically deprives the SLE of any ethical initiatives (and this is
another aspect of these dual relations). It is clear that on
emotional-ethical plane the SLE is not only relaxed by the IEI but also
almost hypnotized by him. (Zhukov relaxes and becomes suggested by the
aspect of “intuition of time” which is the “program” aspect of the IEI.)
IEI’s emotions have a fascinating and alluring effect on the SLE; the
SLE is not only open but also helpless before them.
That is why the IEI can do with Zhukov what he wants? He can, but what
he wants is something that only the SLE can provide for him - defense,
protection, and resolution of his problems. The power of Esenin lies in
his ability to have the influence over the strongest.
Often it is the sharp and categorical approach of the SLE, his
unwillingness to be sensitive towards his at time overbearing dual, that
provides for the IEI the much needed focus and organization. Partners of
other types often experience a need to resort to these kinds of
“methods” to bring the IEI to his senses. Understandably, they run into
problems reproducing what comes naturally to Zhukov. On the example of a
young woman of type SEE explaining her issues to her therapist: “I don’t
know what to do. By nature I am a warm and friendly person, but at the
fault of my husband I turn into a complete bitch. He is as if constantly
mocking me and testing my patience. He continues to push my buttons
until I snap and answer him sharply and pound my fist on the table. But
this is so unpleasant for me, I start hating myself for it afterwards
…”
Esenin doesn’t suffice with only patronage - he wants to put himself on
an equal footing with his partner. And he does this by his own means and
his own fighting qualities, which he superbly manifests in the form of
an emotional attack of quite an incredible force. Moreover, his program
function of “intuition of time” suggests to him the moment most suitable
for this. Esenin uses this approach not only in the realm of his
personal relationships, but also to assert his social status, to attain
his “place under the sun”, and to keep it. For example, he can employ
his emotional and ethical advantages to compensate for his weakness in
his pragmatic qualities. Just try to refer to him as a poor employee.
Immediately he will learn of this opinion personally, and woe be to him
who not only said that, but also to those who listened and said nothing.
Esenin will put up such a scandal that everyone will be put on their
toes. As any intuitive type of the second quadra, the IEI is vengeful
and rancorous. And add to that his confrontational and instigating
qualities, and a subconscious tendency to sadism. (After all, the IEI in
some ways is a “replication” of the problematic qualities of the SLE.)
No, the IEI won’t hide his fighter qualities, and will demonstrate them
in full to whoever he finds necessary, at least for prophylactic
purposes.
The IEI’s emotional attacks are exhausting even for the SLE, even though
the SLE seems like a person who is “thick-skinned” and not particularly
emotionally sensitive. Nevertheless representatives of this type
consider themselves to be sensitive and vulnerable. With inert ethics,
the SLE can be emotionally touchy and easily takes offense, feeling
himself to not be very well versed in ethical questions, inexperienced,
and exposed as a child. (Every person is vulnerable and emotional
sensitive in his or her own manner.) Esenin soon learns about Zhukov’s
“weak spots” and starts to exert influence on them. And this is normal:
each of them is simply applying his own creative function. Esenin has
strong and mobile ethics, but weak and inert logic. Zhukov has strong
and mobile logic, but weak and inert ethics. If the IEI pressures the
SLE emotionally, then the SLE pressures the IEI logically.
7. IEI-SLE. Harsh games, dangerous ties.
¶
The psychological distance in this dyad is regulated very simply. The
IEI uses his flexible creative ethical function to regulate it: he’s
tender - then cold, offended - then enthusiastic, aloof and distant -
the suddenly he bridges the distance.
And how far can he distance? He may even get someone else on the side in
cases when no other means have an effect on his partner. From such
“ethical games”, he extracts certain benefits: in addition to
entertainment and new experiences, he discovers new people and new
opportunities. And for this partner this serves as a warning, that in
the future he would be more attentive and caring, that he would pay
attention to IEI’s problems. However, usually the IEI doesn’t play such
games with the SLE - it would be too dangerous.
But since such an “option” exists in Esenin’s ethical program, does it
have an application? Yes, it does - it’s purpose is to influence a
partner who is sufficiently weak-willed, non-resilient, and slow. This
option is resorted to only in extreme situations before leaving a
partner - it is meant to test his sense of self-respect, self-esteem,
and ability to protect his interests.
And how does the SLE react to this? The SLE leaves if he has reached the
limit of his patience. Here is an example of such a story: the wife - of
type SLE, the husband - of type IEI.
“I got married for the first time in my life, but after the wedding it
turned out that my husband didn’t love me. He wasn’t allowed to marry
the girl that he really loved, and so he ended up marrying me. We
divorced soon afterwards … With the second husband, I couldn’t help
myself but fall in love - he was such a charming, affable man with
almost an angelic appearance. He seemed so kind and sympathetic, but
also rather thoughtless and impulsive. I don’t know whom of us was at
fault for this, but he lied to me constantly. He would go out, then
disappear for several days, skip his work and provide the more
unbelievable explanations - first he went to bury his aunt, then his
uncle - he must have buried all his relatives! Such an inventive
storyteller! It happened once that he called his work and told them:
“Tell so-and-so that his wife got into a car accident.” And then he took
vacation supposedly to care for his wife. I came back from a business
trip and called him at work, and they told me there: “He’s in the
hospital, looking after his wife. She’s gotten into a car accident.”
Later my friends would ask me: “So? How do you feel?” I would answer:
“How can I feel after a car crash?” He lied constantly, always coming up
with something. I remember once he hasn’t come home for three days. I
was already thinking of divorcing him, when he shows up with a
distraught look almost crying: “Oh, Galya, help me through this. I ran
over a man. He’s in a hospital now. What will happen to me? Tomorrow I
have to go to court. Oh, help me survive this. Such an unfortunate
situation!” Well, how could I divorce him after this? The person is in
trouble - I have to rescue my husband! I gathered together three bags of
groceries and products and ran to the hospital that he named to me. But
when I asked there about this man they said: “We don’t have anyone by
this name. You must be mistaken.” I went back home to find that in the
mean time my husband has once again slipped out somewhere. That’s how he
lied to me. And each time he came back and asked me to forgive him and
promised to change - he believed in this himself, that he could change.
And try not forgive him, he wold immediately become offended and angry
at me: “Ah, you don’t believe me! You don’t want to help me!”
And so I believed him. I couldn’t not believe him - he was so convincing
in his lies. (1) And I couldn’t hold a grudge at him. He was so
handsome, so charming! I kept thinking: “Well, why would he lie to me?
Why does he want to keep me? What does he want from me?” After all, he
always had two-three women in reserve in case I divorce him and throw
him out. And so he said himself, that if we split up, he can get married
the very next day … (1) As we already know, the reason here is not
“convincing lies” but a trusting relationship with a dual, which his
partner undoubtedly valued.
I was told: “If he is enjoying himself, then enjoy yourself too. Be
smarter - you have to adapt yourself to him somehow”. One day he comes
back after a three-day absence, and I come out of a room all flustered
and angry and tell him that I’m leaving. He asks me: “Where?” I reply:
“Where you went - I’ll go there!” I went out on the street, first saw my
mother, then visited a friend - two hours I’ve wandered around, then I
came back home. He was so angry at me and asked: “Where have you been?
What were you doing all this time?” And I said: “I don’t know what you
were doing there for three days - two hours were enough for me!”
And I knew that I should break up with him, but I couldn’t. The moment
that I would start to feel that I can’t endure this any longer, he
suddenly improved. We sent him to a rehab and afterwards I thought
everything will be fine - why should I leave him? He lasted a year, and
then he started to disappear - old habits consumed him again.
I suffered, endured everything, but eventually we parted … This is how
it happened: we have decided to do some repairs together. I came back
from a business trip, loaded with paints and brushes. Getting back, I
enter the kitchen and see another woman there pouring some soup. My
husband is looking at us from another room, watching what will happen.
This woman looks as me and says: “I only know him for a week. He told me
that his wife left him, moved to anther city, but I can see you have a
serious relationship - house, kids, so if you’d like, take him back …”
And I measured her up with one glance and answered: “After you? No, let
him stay with you. I don’t need him, like this …” That was the end.
After that we broke up, because this was the last straw, the last drop.
After this I couldn’t forgive him … “
So, it turns out that in this dyad lies are not forgiven? What is not
forgiven is the abuse of trust. This is one of the most strict rules in
interpersonal relationships. And one of the worst disappointments in
relations of duality.
Part II : Duality as unity and struggle of the opposites.
¶
8. Socio-mission of the IEI.
¶
Zhukov is not as defenseless as it might seem. He doesn’t allow himself
to remain at a disadvantage. He won’t refuse an attempt to recover even
more than that which has been lost. Moreover, here he may act by the
most brutal and oppressive methods. Woe to him who has provoked him or
stood in his way. The consequences can be most unpleasant and alarming
…
In world history, in everyday life, in interpersonal and intertype
relations, the program function of SLE often manifests as a destructive,
evil force that does not recognize any laws except the power of SLE’s
own will and unbridled desires. Which grow and spill with crushing force
on any “offender” who dares to resist SLE’s will, in a form of a kind of
rampant “volcanic eruption” that floods and overwhelms everyone around
itself by an endless avalanche of incredibly fierce anger and
aggression, an avalanche that upon “cooling down” and solidifying in its
destructive influence suppresses the personal will and extinguishes the
personal initiative of any individual who has been overtaken by it. And
for a long time it hold him in an enslaved and oppressed condition,
terrorizing him with fear and boundless in its cynicism cruelty.
The mission of his dual, the IEI, lies in “taming” these volcanoes, in
weakening their pressure on the environment, slowing them down,
spreading their force and effect over time, in cooling, sobering, and
calming their seething, bubbling energy. Directing it back to its roots,
inhibits this storm of passions, enveloping it with his own energy.
Creatively, poetically, romantically, imaginatively, and inventively
creating an illusion and a sense of appeasement, the IEI captivates the
SLE with countless possibilities of future manifestations of
subordination to his overwhelming will. It is as if the IEI calms the
SLE by saying: “Why try to conquer the world in one day? Leave at least
something for tomorrow.”
In other words, the IEI transfers SLE’s crushing volitional sensing
(-Se) and alternative intuition of possibilities (-Ne) - this morbidly
hypochondriac negativistic program that is constantly afraid that
someone might have beat him and tore out the success of his arms - in a
positive course of his own suggestive volitional sensing (+Se), (in the
unlimited possibilities of which he himself believes), and his positive
observing intuition of potential (+Ne): “The world is extensive and
there exist many opportunities to win it over; if not here, then we can
manifest this elsewhere. Why extend efforts on fortifying in that which
has already been conquered? Would it not be better to go after something
else?”
For Zhukov his conquest never seems complete enough, his arguments don’t
feel substantial enough, and his position - never strong enough. (This
is the property of his “program”.) However, under the influence of
Esenin on his suggestive function he is persuaded.
Exerting influence on Zhukov via his infinitely distant,
perspective-based, spatial intuition of time (-Ni), Esenin disperses his
power (through space and time), which under this influence loses its
solidity and density and begins to dissipate alike a cloud, allowing
everyone who has been buried under it to breathe more freely and
continue existing in a more viable state.
If there was no IEI in the Socion, our present society wouldn’t even
existed because there would be nobody to stop the growing expansion of
Zhukov.
What about the powers of SEE? Can it serve as a counterweight to the
destructive involutionary forces of the SLE? The problem is the SEE
needs to gather his forces. The “program” function of SEE, +Se, like any
Asking type program is prone to dispersal, splintering, differentiation
which cannot, in its initial stages, oppose the united and “monolithic”
power of the SLE. Zhukov’s “program” will strategically opposite its
unification and won’t allow it to mobilize for a decisive blow. (Let’s
recall how many years it took Russian to become free from the
Mongol-Tatar yoke, in which conditions it had to exist, and how
frequently any opposing coalitions gathered by Russian rulers have been
subverted and destroyed when they tried to unite to repel the Horde -
every one of their attempts was brutally suppressed by ever increasing
intimidation.)
It’s not easy to defeat a strategic type by strategic means. However,
his influence can be weakened by tactical operations, which would permit
to breech at least some kind of “hole” in his defenses.
For Zhukov awareness of any sort of flaws in his defenses, of any kind
of “holes” in his armor, is painful and unpleasant. Improving the
strength of his “armor” is one of his primary concerns. Examine the
flaws of the enemy (enemy, opponent, or a friend who may turn into an
enemy) - this is half the battle: then it becomes clear where to direct
the blows.
Even the seemingly random, “trial”, “reconnaissance” attacks Zhukov
directs with precision, because the knowledge of the weak points is
integrated in the involutionary archaic of his “program” function (-Se).
Due to this, many of his “trial” attacks (statements, declarations) make
a shocking impression on others and a suppressing effect on their
identity, damaging their psyche and having a devastating effect on all
the positive, bright, especially revered values and ideals, that become
the main target of SLE’s cynical statements (as a consequence of his
problematic ethics relations (+Fi) and inert-militant ethics of emotion
(-Fe), that manifests in a vivid and memorable, yet incredibly ironic
and shocking way, as a dangerous and mortifying weapon, which gets
extended to his surroundings).
The IEI himself, knowing this quality of the SLE, won’t let him anywhere
near his bright ideals, his positive goals and radiant, like a guiding
star, crystal dream, knowing that he for sure will try to desecrate it,
if only out of envy, by some flat and cynical remark, or some stupid and
crude judgement (which the SLE would call the “brutal truth of life”),
and thus destroy it by his ruthless criticism. After that, IEI’s dream
will cease to be a guiding light for him - it will fade out, darken,
slip away from the sky and fall like a comet into the maelstrom where it
will perish and fade like a ruined lighthouse on a deserted island, like
a broken lamp on a dark and deserted street.
The ability to dream for the IEI is also the ability to successfully
exist and live during the periods of “timelessness”, when it become
convenient and enjoyable to live via dreams and memories, to sigh and
mourn for the past, to analyze the re-live the past mistakes, to
constantly return to the memories of the past, to rebuild and
re-construe, and contemplate on the topic of: “What if I had done this
differently, what if I changed this or fixed that, now the result would
have been completely different … ” At the same time one can recall all
those who have interfered with a different course of action, and in a
timely manner (or with a delay) present them a “bill” for this.
As for the SLE the maximization of power equates to the minimization of
losses, similarly for the IEI the maximization of time is the
minimization of “timelessness”. This includes the ability to fill in the
time with one’s dreams, such that one can feel free and all-powerful
“master of one’s own destiny” and freely dispose of it in reality and in
one’s dreams. Dreaming is a privilege of a person who is free, who is
the “hero” of his own dreams and his own time, the absolute and total
master of his own time who is always able to dispose of it his own
discretion, who is capable of easily simulating and modeling the events
and the time schedules of the present, the past, and the future, and
freely manipulating his movement within the flow of time to achieve some
quick results (at his own expense or at the expense of others, this is
irrelevant - the main thing is to have the ability and the opportunity
to dream).
The IEI won’t ever forgive harsh and brutal treatment of his dream - for
him this constitutes a “blow” to his program function of intuition of
time (-Ni). Such a blow signals of the impermanence of his own position,
of the hopelessness and lack of an ability to change anything, of the
absence of prospects, of the closed and crossed-out future plans. Such
“blows”, when they come to IEI’s awareness, are painful and unpleasant
for him. The IEI views them as a kind of an offense, a “blow” of almost
as an ethical nature to the values of this dyad. If these come from his
partner he considers them to be a deviation and departure from the norms
of the dyad, a rude and unceremonious treatment, for which he views
himself fully in the right to retaliate.
This moment was finely depicted in the final episode of the famous and
liked by many movie “The Marriage of the Balzaminov”, which was based on
the trilogy of A. N. Ostrovsky, with Georgi Vitsin (EIE) and Nonna
Mordukova in main roles. At the end of the movie, the dream of the
Balzaminov (IEI), this indefatigable hunter after rich brides, has
finally come true: he has married a woman from a rich family, whose
estate is “beyond the borders” (additionally his dual partner, although
somewhat old and overweight). His soul rejoices and sings, his legs
themselves break into a dance. After dancing and celebrating in full, he
is finally left alone with his newlywed wife, and from an excess of
feelings he sings her the “wedding ritual” song: “Buttercups - flowers
in my garden …” - when she kicks him painfully in the ribs with her
elbow. He, gasping in pain, falls silent and doesn’t get to the final
lines of this song, which were supposed to be a profession of his love
for her: “Darling, darling, I cannot wait for night time…”. All his
feelings that he was trying to convey with this song are instantly
silenced. The most sublime and inspiring notes of his soul suddenly go
quiet, and together with them, like a wounded bird shot down in flight,
like an unfinished song, his dream from happy family life shatters and
dies. Together with this dream he dies himself - with his eyes closed,
leaning back against the pillows, he crosses his arms over his chest,
pretending to be dead: the dream of his life has been destroyed - why
should he continue living now? She wanted him to be silent. Now he is
willing to go silent and hide forever. But then, thinking that this is
perhaps too great of a sacrifice on his part, he opens one eye and
squints now looking at his wife with the look of vengeance: the dream
and the dreamer have died, but now the avenger has been born.
IEI. A dream come true.
¶
The IEI cannot imagine a life outside of his creativity - even if it is
ephemeral and not materially realized. His dream is also a product of
his creation. Even if he creates only within his own fantasies, with
luck even the most fantastic dream can become a reality (e.g. under the
conditions that are favorable for the realization of IEI’s intuitive
program).
One example of this is the completely fantastical story of unique in its
brilliance creative career of the outstanding Russian (Soviet times)
singer “Orpheus”, the absolute leader of all music charts and hit
parades from the period 1965 to 1985 - Valerii Obodzinskii (IEI). He was
a self-taught musician who hasn’t learnt how to read notes until the
very end of his career, but who has been naturally gifted by phenomenal
vocal abilities, perfect pitch and unique memory (he sang in venues of
small resort towns ever since his teen years). He has performed on tour
ships, sang lyrical hits, but always before a decent public and on a
decent stage, because this was an integral part of his dream: to sail on
the white ship and perform before a public in an elegant white suit. His
dream became a reality at a phenomenally fast pace due to his
exclusively intuitive talent. He had a magnificently modulated voice,
amazing (enchanting) tone that had a stunning ef
He was unique and inimitable in every performance. As a person, he was
modest, unpretentious, contented with meager earnings (which were common
in those days). He couldn’t imagine greater happiness than to be out on
the stage performing every day. He was already happy by the fact that
his life’s dream has come true. In those times, there was no one else
more beloved and popular than he was. In the mid 60’s his performances
at the “Blue Fire” have been a true present for the Soviet women: those
who have heard him performing felt as if their dreams have come true, a
fantastical breakthrough into the bright future, into the world of
perfect and harmonious human relations. He himself seemed to be dream
incarnate, a fairy-tale prince with angelic appearance and a magical
voice, a stranger from the distant worlds, who sang the immortal songs
about the beautiful and the light of love. Even the authorities
considered him to be a phenomenon alien to the Soviet stage - too
dangerous for the imagination of the Soviet women.
He was married three times. Each time it was one of his female fans. His
first wife was his dual partner, SLE. Their marriage broke up for
obvious reasons: it was difficult to not be jealous of a man who was
adored by many other women. The second marriage to a woman of IEE type
broke up shortly after he started having problems with the authorities
over ideological differences: under no circumstances the “first singer”
of the county wanted to cheat on his muse. The “Orpheus” of the Soviet
stage sang only about love and nothing else besides that. The Soviet
Ministry of Culture evaluated this as outrageous: a Soviet performer
should sing about the Communist Party, while Valerii Obodzinsky didn’t
have a single song on this theme; neither was he planning on adding such
songs to his repertoire. Thus he was displaced from the Soviet stage;
his name was put on the “black list”; the concert halls of Moscow and
Leningrad where closed for him. However, he continued to successfully
give concerts on the “peripheries”.
In his work he was still demanding of himself, very disciplined and
organized, because more than anything else he cherished his work and his
dream - this was the essence and meaning of his life: he lived to sing.
And he sang brilliantly. His records were sold by the millions of copies
bringing an enormous income for the country. At the time, when the state
earned a lot of money on his records, he earned only 150 rubles on his
most popular “Eastern Song”. Though this particular recording was
impossible to purchase even in Leningrad. The authorities considered
this “unhealthy” hype to be very dangerous. The Ministry of Culture set
up a series of provocations for him as an emergency measure. During his
touring trips, some people would come by his room under the guise of
fans and force him to drink with them. This went completely against his
constitution. He was a man of poor health, who got drunk and lost his
memory and coordination after the first glass of wine.
Thus concert after concert had to be canceled. Scandals began, which
were mentioned in the press. People started to talk about him in
negative light, while he was sent to a rehab. His songs were no longer
shown on the TV or transmitted over the radio. He was completely
“squeezed out” from the Soviet stage.
He decided not to fight for the stage, but to accept his current
conditions and take up a job of a guard. Here, he was found by one of
his previous fans. She supported him in this difficult for him time,
enveloped him with her care and warmth. She also happened to be of his
dual type and soon became his partner in life. She also encouraged him
to participate in one small TV program after several years of absence.
Everyone understood that as a singer he hasn’t lost his voice - he was
as always magnificent.
Although his health was irreparably undermined and his age was not very
suitable for numerous concerts, his SLE wife insisted on his return to
the stage, believing that they still has time to show themselves and
quickly make up for lost time, and that he will assume his rightful
place on the musical “Olympus”.
Obeying her wishes, in 1993, he returned to the stage, even though his
health (bouts of hypertension) were contrary to continuing with this
line of work. From the words of his wife, there were days when he felt
so poorly that they had to summon the ambulance 3-4 times a day. Still,
she insisted that he continue to give concerts and actively rehearse
every day and for many hours. Although to perform and sing with his
hypertension was very risky. The tense graphic of rehearsals, tours, and
performances were difficult to endure for an aging singer. His wife took
on the role of his manager, but she has also forced him to rehearse for
many hours each day, to work without any need for it, ignoring the state
of his health. She knew very little about the intuitive origins of his
talent. Taking on the management of his artistic career, she put him out
as a commodity “for sale”, and, not fully believing in his medication
condition, she mercilessly and without any necessity brutally exploited
him.
She was angry at him for what he spent too little time at rehearsals. He
simply goes on stage and sings. And sings magnificently. But, as it is
typical of SLE, a sober minded sensing realist, she did not believe in
miracles. She thought that he wasn’t getting enough training. She
believed that he, like any musician, should work on his program for long
hours. At the same time, she worked as his administrator and controlled
all his decisions and movements, carefully watching that he wouldn’t
lose any time. For a long time she couldn’t believe that this
“miraculous” man fell into her hands. The sole thought about this
inflated her ambition and greed: now she is his “owner” and he is a
slave dependent on her will. And she forced him to go out and work,
feeling excited by the mere thought that she, as his owner, is throwing
him out to work like an ox in the field.
Here what has appeared is the characteristic of “aggressor” sensing
declarative types trait - their typical inhumane cruelty and
predator-like grip, with which if they happen to capture a “real
treasure” they soon start losing control over themselves. They will try
to “squeeze” everything possible from the person and treat him or her as
a hen that lays golden eggs, which they at the same time want to put
under the knife and cook, make a broth and stir-fry out of it, and
further make it hatch eggs, put forward some product for which they
could gain money. However, their inability to do all of this at once
puts them into despair and evokes feelings of powerlessness, while the
sense that they are incapable of changing anything (normative intuition
of possibilities, -Ne) encourages them to go for risky experiments, the
downfall of which drives them into anger that they dispel on their
“subordinate”: it is he who is at fault for everything, that the state
of affairs is so poor, being so lazy he doesn’t want to work more and
help the family that strives hard for him, and so on.
Thus, she didn’t want to know and didn’t want to admit (and believe)
that her husband could perform without rehearsals. She calmed down
enough only when he started to rehearse. This wasn’t just because the
sound of his voice was fascinating for her, but also because it gave her
a sense of “order in her household” when she saw with her own two eyes
that her husband is working, that he is “plowing” the field like any
other “work horse”. For SLE it is difficult to imagine another meaning
for the word “work”. In SLE’s perception if a person works, then this
means he devoted to his work like a convict, and if there is no visible
effort made then this means he isn’t working at all.
Thus he has no other way than to argue with his wife to try to resist
her abuse and exploitation. He resisted for as long as he had the
strength, argued with her, protested, went on “boycotts” and “strikes”.
More precisely, what she considered to be boycotts was him laying down
on the floor and saying: “I feel unwell. I’m dying!” She did not believe
him and thought he was pretending to take time off. Until one day he
laid down and didn’t get up. He died of a heart attack. She couldn’t
believe it and thought he was making a scene. She couldn’t understand
what was happening to him: “What do you mean he died? How could he die
when we have a scheduled appearance in Petrozavodsk?” And only then
realized that what has happened was irreparable.
It would seem like such a simple case: the idol of your teens becomes
your spouse. Then take care of him, manage your home, create a cozy
family, make him happy. Such luck one cannot imagine! But why did then
the wife in this story turn into a brutal warden and a greedy exploiter?
Was this an accident or was this a predictable course of events?
Unfortunately this was predictable by many reasons. In particular, the
traits of declaring, strategic, farsighted (hoarding), extraverted,
aggressive, decisive sensing, and authoritarian aristocracy. Harsh and
pragmatic relation to a person as to a thing which can be managed and
disposed for an indefinite period of time (with a skillful and thrifty
approach), derive benefit from it, all of which is a characteristic
approach for an SLE. Treating a person as a thing that could be bartered
and traded profitably, manipulated, subjected to heavy physical and
technical trials (technological experiments) is a trait of a SLE as a
declaring type and included into his “program” function of alternative
volitional sensing (-Se) that is capable of being despotic and harsh and
exceptionally inventive in the methods of volitional pressuring. Thus,
in this involutionary, aristocratic dyad relations strictly abide the
rule of “sink or swim” (either you’re the master or the slave) - there
is no third alternative: if you don’t want to subjugate others, you’ll
be subjugated yourself.
As for romance, it is wholly in the hands of Esenin (-Ni, +Fe) and his
creative emotions ethics (ethics of impressions, ethics of illusions and
fantasies). Therefore, in order to be dominant in this system, the IEI
must be a rank above his dual, become a “master of his soul” and remain
as such for as long as possible (which is also something that his
creative ethics of emotions demands, ethics with a “+” sign signifying
emotional advantage). Relations in this involutionary dyad of
authoritarian decisive aristocrats is built on the principle: “If you
want to live, learn to fight for yourself.” In ideal match, both duals
will fight for life, for better living conditions, for the right to
power. They are both obliged to this by their quadral complex, which
constitutes the fear of displacement to the lower layers of the
hierarchy. Neither one of them wants to be a slave or underling. Under
conditions of tyrannical domination of the SLE, any kind of servitude or
“enslavement” is dangerous and demeaning to the life of his partner. The
IEI won’t be able to live in such conditions. Therefore, if he stops
fighting for himself, he will perish.
And here lies another problem for the IEI: for a creative individual of
clean, sincere and sublime romantic nature it is impossible to combine
his creative and high spiritual work with low and debase power
struggles. This is exactly the case when one cannot serve two gods. A
choice will have to be made. A decision made ??in favor of service to
art, as a rule, becomes self-sacrificial for the servant of the Muses:
he becomes the victim of cruel exploitation of his dual. And since his
muse won’t allow him to exploit it, don’t allow him to waste his
creative talent, won’t allow him to work by the schedule in forced labor
(true creative work requires freedom), he will feel himself as a
“traitor” in relation to it. He will feel guilty be before himself and
before his partner: that he was not principled enough, that he did not
manage to save his talent, his life, work, destiny, his family, and
disappointed everyone not achieving what could be achieved … etc.
On the other hand, the self-righteous declaratim Zhukov won’t see
nothing wrong with prudently managing the fruits of creative work of his
dual. It comes all too natural for him: to gather the harvest, picking
up every last grain and squeezing it twice or thrice to get the very
last drop from distillation, grinding even the shells and the bones and
putting them to use. In the waste-free economy of SLE nothing will be
lost gratis. Creative work of his partner, in his opinion, should bear
fruit, which must be used with maximum efficiency and profit …
One cannot relate to his partner (especially a person with creative
talent) as to work cattle, or a milk cow, or a chicken that lays golden
eggs! This is harmful for his well-being and humiliating for his dignity
and talent. This is simply cruel. In the end this turns into disgracing
control and harsh exploitation of the creative forces and possibilities
of the IEI. Such is the pragmatic approach of his logical sensing dual:
he will try to utilize any object to its maximum. He could squeeze all
liquid from a stone, make another 2-3 cups of juice from an already used
lemon, aiming to achieve the most results only here and now, as if the
next day doesn’t exist and everything is determined by the present and
the current moment of his existence.
If the dual happens to be the person under SLE’s command, and the one
who brings him the most actual benefits, produces some real, tangible
value, then he must be used to the very last drop. And no reference to
medical conditions and contradiction with creative realization will stop
Zhukov. No pleas to leave at least something for tomorrow will make him
reconsider, because Zhukov believes only in the present day, in that
which is happening here and now.
The SLE has only this single moment between the past and the future,
which he considers to be the “real” life (life in the present, and not
the past and the future). Under auspicious circumstances, he tries to
“catch” this “lucky moment” and reap all of its benefits, in order to
not regret later the lost advantages or that he allowed anyone else to
intercept his success, that he capitalized on too few opportunities at
the time, that he took too little for himself and left too much for
others … etc. And the first person from whom he will “take seven
skins” will be someone closest to him, including his dual.
The IEI sometimes tries to “mesmerize” and “fascinate” affect Zhukov, to
distract him from his aggressive, tenacious plans, to disperse his
strong-willed intents over time, to weaken his grip and his blows, or
move them over upon someone’s head (preferably, metaphorical or
imaginary head rather than a real head). The IEI tries to pacify the
situation here and now (pour oil onto the water) in order to slip out of
the sphere of influence of his dual when later the “captivating spells”
dissipate, and his dual will charge forward to make up for what has been
lost, with double the drive, power and energy, with an even more
tenacious and greedy grip, considering himself to have been wronged that
he was prevented to seize and capture that, to which he seems to have
every right to. SLE makes peace and resigns himself only when some more
powerful force (higher power, the fate or death) takes from him his next
victim. Then he stops to think about this higher power, that one day it
can take his life away from him just as easily, in one moment, right
“here and now” … The SLE is afraid of this unknown, and the
uncertainty in the present and future impact on his life and destiny. To
appease the higher powers he is willing to make the most expensive
offerings.
The IEI could have served as a “consolation” and the “guide” who
intuitively orients in this world riddled with implicit patterns and
regularities, some potentially fatal, but most often the SLE lets him
down, giving in to the onslaught of higher powers and higher fears - the
danger of losing everything at once, here and now, and his desires to
have as much as possible to not experience scarcity in anything, or at
least ease the impact of losses since they are not preventable. The SLE
lets his dual down by the following:
Intuitively limited vision of the SLE;
lack of trust and respect for creativity of the IEI;
his cruel and oppressive treatment of his partner (and his “muse”), a
cruel and oppressive exploitation of his talent;
the “overseer” position, which the SLE takes in respect to his dual;
function of the dominant autocrat, the sole “head” of the system which
SLE take upon himself;
pragmatic and economic approach of the SLE, his avarice, greed,
predatory, exploitative grip, cruel “thriftiness” exercised at the
expense of his partner’s needs - all of this risks destroying their
relationship;
SLE’s confidence in the fact that his partner has to exert himself
like a “work horse” even if he is engaged in creative work, to invest
more effort to work with greater elaboration and dedication even
without any purpose and need for this, thereby wasting IEI’s
strengths and creative resources for the sole reason of appeasement
of his despotic dual.
These are several reasons that serve as the source of problems, major
arguments and complications in this dyad.
It turns out that you can admire your dual partner, worship him as an
idol, dualized with him, while at the same time still not love him? And
this is, unfortunately, the bitter truth that must be told to a
declaring type when his “user” attitude towards his partner becomes
inhumane and cruel, his demands - unreasonable and excessively high, his
criticisms - unfair, unjustifiable, and demeaning. With weak,
problematic intuition of possibilities the SLE believes that without
kicks and chin-blows the relationship won’t be strong enough, especially
with a partner who has to be constantly returned back to earth from the
clouds (although due to SLE’s constant prodding and pushes these clouds
soon dissipate).
Neither the holidays are good, nor the workdays.
¶
The IEI likes the environment of feasts and celebrations. As an
aristocratic, asking, intuitive type, with quite demanding normative
sensing of experiences (-Si) he enjoys such occasions due to their
refinement in food and aesthetic presentation. Thrifty and pragmatic
SLE, who is used to saving on the needs of their partner, as well as on
the needs his family hierarchy (system, group) often disappoints his
dual in terms of such holidays. He serves coarse, second-rate food
(“with vodka and this will do”) with service and presentation to match
the food’s quality: on a crummy tablecloth covered with grease spots
instead of white, starched tablecloth (“it will get dirties anyhow”), in
cracked glasses and plates instead of a new service set (“if these old
glasses break, it won’t be as upsetting”). The IEI feels disgusted from
his or her very soul from such a “holiday celebration”: from drunken,
brutal, vulgar fun, from all the rude, flat and coarse jokes and
anecdotes, from the dishes that are bet fitted to feed the pigs, from
the “Olivier” salads made 3/4th of potatoes, from all the gel dishes
made from who knows whose hooves, and filled to the bring with
cartilages, fat, and various giblets. “What’s there difference”,
explains his dual, “Once everyone is drunk they won’t feel any
difference.” The IEI is very picky about the food and makes high demands
out of it (normative sensing of experiences): he often remembers where,
how, and with what he has been fed. A partner who provides him with
whatever falls under his hand, who is a poor cook and doesn’t know how
to serve it well, won’t be attractive to him.
Example: A young man, an officer of type IEI, met at a dance in a small
town a charming girl of type SLE, who at first glance seemed to him a
quite interesting, well-mannered, intelligent person. One day she
invited him over for a romantic dinner, which was exquisitely served.
They talked of literature and music (it turned out that she was a music
teacher at a local school). The first impression was very pleasant
(first stage of dualization over sensing aspects +/- Si). The next
morning he, as an honest man, was expected to propose to her. As an
agreeable and peace-loving man, he at first decided to yield (compliant
dyad) and then late think and act on his own discretion. Further
impressions were not in favor of the bride: she manifested her cruel,
domineering, and despotic nature. The groom was received in the house as
one of the members of the household now and treated with whatever God
sent them. In expressions and behavior there was also no propriety or
hesitation. By the day that the wedding was scheduled, he already had a
very good idea about what this family is like and decided to not linger
any further in this house. On the wedding day early in the morning he
allegedly went to a barber’s shop, while in reality he quickly ran to
the train station and bought a ticket to the first arriving train.
Unfortunately for him, the cashier at the ticket booth was a friend of
the bridesmaid. She called the bride and told her the number of train
and the number of his seat. The bride and her relatives immediately
rushed to the station, stopped the train from leaving, and dragged him
to the registrar where he was made to marry his dual partner. He did not
understand his happiness at first, but then he got to appreciate it to
the fullest.
Disagreements started first from her rudeness, vulgarity and
intellectual limitations of his wife (despite her diploma from the
Institute of Culture and the Higher Music and Teaching Association). He
was irritated by her constant scowling and grumbling, her thriftiness
and economy, which meant that her husband and their daughter had to wear
ragged second-hand clothes. The IEI by his normative sensing of
experiences considers it necessary to dress well in the household,
especially if he has to share his living space with other people who can
drop by for a visit any time. He considers it unacceptable what he has
to blush before this friends and colleagues for their appearance and
surly, inhospitable reception of his wife. His professional career and
opinion of his colleagues matter to him. He would like them to be
received and served well. While for his wife the “seasoning” to every
treat and dish was scowling: “Bah! Serve them something for tea! This is
not the occasion for sweets. If they raised your salary, that would be
another matter.” These constant referrals to his salary served as the
main topic and justification for his wife’s constant reproaches and
negative remarks. Even though many would envy her: her husband was a
handsome young man, sensitive, loving and attentive, from an educated
family, without any bad habits, well-wishing and hospitable head of the
household, loving and responsible father. But he felt disparaged and
offended the eternal dissatisfaction, her greed and avarice, her unjust,
uncaring, and unkind attitude towards him. He felt embarrassed before
his colleagues and friends for the “meal” that she gathered for him for
work: two small sandwiches with a small packet of noodle broth “Express”
for the entire work day. At the end of the work day, he would often get
a headache or feel lightheaded from bouts of hunger, and lose his
coordination. One day, coming back home from work, he lost his balance
and tripped over a bump in the carpet. Once he case to his senses, he
decided to take a closer look at this bump. What he found was a packet
of money: three thousand dollars, which were saved by his wife during
four years of their marriage (none of which she has earned herself). In
the evening, he had a serious talk with her. The next day he headed out
with their daughter to the local stores and bought everything that they
were deprived of previously. They bought the much needed kitchen
appliances, new tablecloths, new bedding, new shoes and clothes for
themselves. His wife angrily objected to purchases of new clothes for
their daughter: “Why does she need new dresses when she will grow out of
them?” While her husband answered her: “Why do other children have new
clothing while my daughter has to walk around in rags? I bring the
salary home and I want my daughter to live no worse than other children
of her age.” (Activation of logic of relations (-Ti) and observing
intuition of possibilities (+Ne): if there is an opportunity to be no
worse than others, then this opportunity needs to be taken.) His wife
had other reasons to save up this money - she was saving it in case they
divorce so that she could buy herself and apartment. In case of such
event he will retain the apartment that was rented to him through his
service in the military - and what will she have? She’d have to take her
things and move who knows where. At the end this is exactly how it
transpired when they eventually divorced, but over another conflict:
other the ideological differences of his wife of type SLE and his mother
of type EII (which was described in the SLE-EII conflict relations
article).