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Relations of extinguishment
¶
See also
Extinguishment observations
Back to
Intertype relations
Introduction
¶
Extinguishment
is one of the 14
intertype relations
. These relations are also known as
Contrary
relations. The two partners of such relation have the same
strong traits
and the same
weak traits
, with the same
accepting/producing
order, but with opposite
introvert/extrovert
values. For example, an
ILE
and an
ILI
would produce an extinguishment
relation.
As a non-identical symmetrical relation, it produces 8 pairs each on the
socion
, in comparison to non-symmetrical relations, which
produce 4 rings of 4
IM types
on the
socion
.
The 8 pairings are bi-directional, so they can be expanded conceptually
to make 16 total.
Relations of extinguishment are characterized by an interest in the same
kinds of things, but partners approach it in a fundamentally different
and often incomprehensible way. Many people note a certain draw in these
relations, as if the other person possessed some dual-like qualities,
but never materializes into a dual. This possibly occurs because at
first contact individuals are likely to act through their Super-Ego
functions, which is received positively by the other person. In trying
to close the distance and get to know the other person closely, partners
are very often frustrated and thwarted in their attempts by the other
person’s unexpected and out-of-sync reactions. Partners in these
relations find it very hard to maintain an organized and stable
relationship, due to the promising, yet continually frustrating
interpersonal dynamic.
Where these relations can become especially unstable is in the case of a
third person/party being involved in the relation. What happens is both
Contrary partners attempt to exude their strong sides, which are in
opposition to each others’ strengths.
In many cases the introvert partner becomes cautious and distant in
formal interaction, whereas the extrovert partner becomes especially
vulnerable, taking careful notice of his/her own actions, and thus
becoming highly suspicious about the entire relation. This disoriented
sense of communication tends to build more and more as Contrary partners
continue to interact together.
Descriptions by various authors
¶
Valentina Meged, Anatoly Ovcharov
In these relations, it is difficult to achieve full understanding.
Despite many mutual interests and common ground, partners often argue
about petty details, to which they tend to pay too much attention. These
relations are called “extinguishment” because partners extinguish each
other’s initiatives - sometimes by highlighting their shortcomings,
other times by their inability to further and support such initiatives.
With such a partner, it is difficult to find considerable support for
one’s projects, but it is always interesting to exchange opinions,
suggestions and requests. Contrary partners get along better when they
work separately, since together they pay too much attention to minor
mistakes of each other. Such criticism are received especially painfully
in the presence of strangers. Third partner upsets this delicate balance
even more. If someone’s personal interests have been infringed upon,
these relations can fall apart. They are more tolerant at a certain
distance. With close and prolonged contact, fatigue and irritation set
in due to protracted disputes.
I.D. Vaisband, publications on Socionics
Partners communicate well when they are interacting one-on-one,
occasionally feeling amazed by originality of each other’s insights and
approaches. However, a third participant often upsets this balance.
Partners look at the same problems from completely different view
points. Where one observes external properties of an object, the other
observes its internal properties, because for the other partner the
functions are oriented in completely different direction. It is as if
they talk in different languages. Communication thus becomes rather
superficial. It is very difficult to do something together and
coordinate actions because attention is lacking even in details.
Partners often feel attracted to one another, mainly due to sense of
mystery which fuels their mutual curiosity. In families formed between
contrary types partners often find it difficult to reach an agreement,
which strains these relations.
O.B. Slinko, “The key to heart - Socionics”
Extinguishment partners are very much alike. Their interests often
intersect over a very wide area. However, those functions that are in
the creative block of one partner, form the Id block of another. Thus,
your extinguishment partner talks about those things that you implement
subconsciously and find too commonsense to talk about. This can be
re-phrased as follows: extinguishment partners have opposing views on
same topics. Often such a partner seems attractive; he has much in
common with you, and at the same time is able to offer a fresh and very
different approach. Thus, friendships and romances between
extinguishment partners are quite common. In marriage, extinguishment
partners start to experience difficulties when a child appears in the
family. This triggers relentless competition between their opposing
views, which previously seemed to be innocent and only brought some
spice to relations. Presence not only of children but also of any third
party tends to upset the balance in this pair.
R.K. Sedih, “Informational psychoanalysis”
In this type of relations, it is relatively difficult to achieve mutual
understanding. The “adult” part of one partner interacts with the
“self-confident teenager” part of the other. The “teenager” meanwhile
tries to prove that he indeed knows something, too. “Adult” is annoyed
by this arrogance and, when possible aims to put the “teenager” in his
place. Ironically, this situation often leads to professional success of
partners. For example, in my research I have been very much helped by
discussions with my extinguishment relation. Listening to him was not
always pleasant, and from aside our conversations might not have looked
pretty, yet they were very helpful and even irreplaceable. Both of us
were engaged in the same field and treated each other with much respect.
This saved our relationship on many occasions. If both of us were not to
a large extent dualized, we would not have had the strength to overcome
the conflicts. Now this is not a threat. Numerous intellectual debates
have turned our relationship into a a lasting friendship. This is not
the only example of successful realization of possibilities inherent to
such interactions, but, unfortunately, such examples are rare. To make a
relationship with your extinguishment partner easier, try not to realize
your desire to correct your partner even when it reaches its apex point.
In all cases, you will suffer no less than him if you are not be able to
control yourself. Interaction of “child” - “insecure teenager” is
fraught with similar problems. Only the desire to “debunk” is even more
dangerous here because insults to the weaker blocks are more difficult
to forgive. In marriage, this is one of the most difficult relationship
types.
Laima Stankevichyute “Intertype relations”
Often people of extinguishment types feel an attraction for one other.
Attention is especially drawn to the physical qualities of the partner,
such as the beauty of their eyes. When alone, these people can have many
interesting one-on-one conversations and feel amazement and wonder at
each other’s originality of thought, how the other person is seeing the
same issue from a different side. When a third person joins the
conversation, and one of the partners indirectly gains advantage through
his or her attention or support, the fragile balance immediately
disappears. If two people of extinguishment types have to live or work
together, conflict is inevitable. Partners seem to talk about the same
topics, but from opposing points of view.
A.V. Bukalov, G. Boiko, “Why Saddam Hussein made a mistake, or what is
Socionics”
These are also called relations of neutralization since the
extraversion-introversion orientation of functions of these partners is
opposite. In these relations, the introvert as if extinguishes activity
of the extravert. For example, an ILI informs an ILE with skepticism
that nothing will come out of his ideas and initiatives, that all of it
is nonsense, and it is not known yet how everything will turn out, thus
extinguishing his enthusiasm. The ILE may be inclined to detaches
philosophical ruminations that for ILI sound as empty noise devoid of
practical application. However, extinguishment partners also tend to
have many common interests. Together they communicate well, but the
presence of even one other person evokes the desire to recruit him or
her to your side and seeds a sense of competition. At this point
reaching an agreement becomes impossible. Often partners are amazed by
each other’s unusual insights, but at all times they are aware that
their thinking styles are different. In case of marriage, they will have
to go through a lengthy process of getting used to each other, which is
further complicated by the fact that they have different expectations of
sexual interactions based on differences in expectations of romancing
styles. Most of the conflicts are not major, however, because partners
cannot seriously hurt one another.
Victor Gulenko, “Criteria of reciprocity”
Comfortable discussion
Initiating communication partners are drawn to debate, in which they
feel comfortable. The more active partner relays his opinions, while the
less active one offers commentary and imparts his corrections. Partners
usually appeal to one another with style of behavior. Each other’s
peculiar thinking style feels like a pleasant surprise. However, in
presence of a third party extinguishment effect occurs  your partner
impedes your attempts to develop a mutually interesting idea, arguing
against it.
Binary signs of intertype relations
For relations of extinguishment, it is not recommended to have
discussions in presence of a large audience. In a small circle, there is
mutual correction and enrichment with new factual information, but if
relations become more extraverted then th unpleasant process of
extinguishment will begin  this manifests as arguing against each
other’s propositions without substantiation.
In extinguishment relations partners can predict each other’s behavior
quite well. This becomes uninteresting, especially if their behavior is
rationalized. This pair needs to engage in periodic relaxed
philosophizing and critical analysis of events around them. The pair is
very flexible and adapts to the stresses of changing environment.
In extinguishment pair, the flaws of the other partner are easily
visible. Accusations of not thinking things through, skepticism, and
criticism are all too common. These relations should not be approached
emotionally  deep emotional grievances will tear them apart. While
meticulously counting the flaws of the partner you forget about
vulnerability of your position  your own flaws which he also easily
sees.
In relations of extinguishment you are interested in the methods of your
partner, his concepts, the general principles of how he operates, rather
than his actual achievements and current status. There is persistent
hope to use his methods to “arm” yourself, but it does not have
sufficient grounds. Extinguishment partners quite successfully predict
the behavior of each other.
In extinguishment relations, emotional dynamics do not take the first
place but rather the sudden changes in behavior of your partner. In
these relations partners can predict the success or failure of another,
so any deviations deserve attention. These relations have a “cushioning”
effect i.e. soften potential damage but also play down success. Partners
as if vibrate in opposite phases.
In these relations, any aspirations that seem too extremist or made
unduly important are cut off. This critical fitting of opinions and
intentions culminates in rather tolerant attitude towards behavior of
one another. Here one can observe the process of coming to middle ground
which suits both partners, even if it is far from their original ideal.
Advice for getting along
Comfort in these relations can be achieved by communicating in a narrow
circle of friends or associates. Extinguishment effect gets triggered in
presence of other people  partners begin to challenge the views of
another without providing solid arguments to back up their points of
view. Learn to knowingly accept criticisms of each other and to derive
benefit from them  your ideas and incentive in the light of criticism
of extinguishment partner will become more realistic.
Get your contrary partner involved when you need to critically evaluate
something or make a forecast of a project. Do not expect your partner to
participate in the implementation of your plans. Collaborative technical
work will proceed very slowly and follow a strict route.
If relations are upset, do not try to resolve them on an emotional
level. Separate and spend some time alone, then resume relations as if
nothing had happened. Be interested in new information that will give
you both food for thought and discussion.
Periodically discharge accumulated irritation through jokes and humor.
From time to time, arrange a delicious meal with your favorite food and
drinks. Treat each other with pleasantries and remedies. Combine your
ideas for practical use - not for finding the ultimate truth. Find
answers to your questions in past experiences.
V.V. Gulenko, A.V. Molodtsev, “Introduction to socionics”
These are relations of unstable distance i.e. partners find it difficult
to establish the right psychological distance. It can be achieved only
when they are interacting alone. Appearance of third person has a
devastating effect: competition and arguments being to surface
(competition of verbal functions), which sometimes degenerates into
caustic debates. Nobody wants to drop their credibility in the eyes of
the third party, as debate will center around strong functions of each
partner. Partners become impressed by the manner the other behaves in
company, by his cordiality and warmth. This facilitates the transition
to closer distances. When communicating in a group, psychological
climate suddenly begins to change. Introvert partner gradually becomes
alienated. Relations lose their warmth, become formal, wariness appears.
Both secretly begin to regret previously moving towards more intimate
and open relations. To the extraverted partner it seems like he has been
misunderstood, that he has been treated with bias. This seem surprising,
since previously communicating one-on-one and mutual understanding
seemed to have been much better. Introvert partner starts to dampen
activity of extravert partner: accusatory notes begin to appear in his
speech, he speaks out strongly against the extrovert and criticizes him.
Extrovert tries to respond in kind. These peculiar relations vaguely
resemble alternation of semi-duality with supervision. The extraverted
partner is probably in a more vulnerable position here. On the one hand,
he feels “like behind the enemy lines”: starts to take up everything in
his address, fears to make the wrong step and become exposed. On the
other hand, he still sees that his partner is a good and decent person
in general. Only having high level of personal, social, and cultural
development can help extinguishment partners avoid mutual recrimination.
Ekaterina Filatova “Art of understanding yourself and others”
Here we have four identical functions of different orientation in the
same channels. And, at the same time - not a single communication
channel on identical functions. This implies that for these partners,
there isn’t any significant sphere in which they would have same point
of view.
Where one pays attention to external processes via his extroverted
function, the other focuses on the internal states via his introverted
function, and vice versa. As a result, it becomes difficult for these
partners to understand each other and agree, except if they deliberately
set out to look at the same issue from opposite points of view - this is
sometimes beneficial in creative research.
So it happens that during a meeting, partners are attracted to each
other by their “mystery.” Due to this, hasty unions and marriages often
arise between people who are exact opposites. Not surprisingly, the life
of the spouses in these families can be fairly strained and difficult
and often veers on the brink of breakup or divorce.
Eugene Gorenko, Vladimir Tolstikov, “Nature of self”
Partners have all functions in common, except in opposite direction. It
would seem that they should have a lot in common, but in practice it
turns out that what one sees from the outside that which the other sees
from the inside. This leads to misunderstandings. Partners don’t find
each other very interesting; their dialogue is not too fascinating.
Peaceful communication is possible if there is nobody else in presence,
but as soon as someone else joins in, the attention of one partner
(usually the extroverted one) switches on to the third person. We can
say that relations of this type don’t have that special spice to them,
but at the same time they are quite safe since the partners cannot cause
considerable problems for each other.
Sergei Ganin
Heteroverted - Symmetrical - Rhythmical
These are relations of an unstable psychological distance. Both partners
experience difficulties in establishing and keeping a stable
psychological distance. The only chance contrary partners have to get
along well is if they are left alone. In other cases partners usually
compete over their strong sides. The reason for this is when somebody
else is present, each partner tries to capture the attention of the
listener by showing off their strong side. Contrary partners may like
some elements of the other partner’s behavior. This often helps the
partners to begin a more close relationship. However, when they are in
company, their interaction can change dramatically. The introvert
partner usually becomes distant, relations lose warm feelings and become
formal and cautious. Both partners may start regretting that they became
too trustful.
The extrovert partner normally gets the false impression that the
introvert partner is deliberately acting against them. This can bring a
great deal of misunderstanding and surprise into these relations, as
both partners are convinced that before everything was fine. The
introvert partner usually starts suppressing the activity of the
extrovert partner and may reproach and criticize them. The extrovert
partner in return can behave in the same way.
The most vulnerable position in these relations belongs to the extrovert
partner, who may feel as if they are being betrayed. As a result the
extrovert partner could start to worry excessively about their next step
so as not to make any mistakes and may therefore become very suspicious.
Unfortunately the extrovert partner cannot see that their introvert
partner is not as bad as they have begun to imagine.
Extinguishment pairs
¶
ILE
with
ILI
SEI
with
SEE
ESE
with
ESI
LII
with
LIE
EIE
with
EII
LSI
with
LSE
SLE
with
SLI
IEI
with
IEE
Theoretical properties of extinguishment relations
¶
Extinguishment pairs are same on
Jungian dichotomies
of Logic / Ethics, Intuition /
Sensing, and Rational / Irrational. One partner is these relations is
always an extravert, and another is an introvert.
Model A
¶
Functions 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8 reflect on functions 7, 8, 5, 6, 3,
4, 1 and 2.
Functions of
Model A
¶
Partner 1
Partner 2
base function
ignoring function
creative function
demonstrative function
role function
suggestive function
vulnerable function
mobilizing function
Reinin traits
¶
As with all non-identical types, Extinguishing types have exactly 7
Reinin traits
in common, with the remaining 8 not in
common.
In Common
:
sensing and intuition
·
ethics and logic
·
rationality and irrationality
·
democratic and aristocratic
·
tactical and strategic
·
constructivist and emotivist
·
process and result
Not in Common
:
extraversion and introversion
·
carefree and farsighted
·
yielding and obstinate
·
static and dynamic
·
positivist and negativist
·
judicious and decisive
·
merry and serious
·
asking and declaring
External links
¶
Contrary relations
by
Sergei Ganin