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Activity observations
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General comments
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V-ctor (ILI):
These are interesting, pleasant relations, from which
a feeling of strong fatigue comes at a certain moment. Your activity
partner doesn’t notice this and continues to “activate”, such that
further interaction becomes infuriating and annoying.
yanilla (SLI):
Judging from feedback, relations of activation
differ, or rather I should say that there are 2 kinds - favorable and
irritating. At times they draw closer to duality (as Filatova has
described), with the difference that their comfort is felt immediately,
and at other times they are characterized by accumulation of irritation
and misunderstandings.
AlexZ (IEE):
As an IEE would say, relationship with dual does NOTSTRESS. Relationship with activator - does NOT RELAX.
Relaxing relations also happen with Mirage andExtinguishment/Contraries. Moreover, with Mirages types therelationship manifests itself primarily as relaxation and bliss, -i.e. when there is no particular wish to flutter about and changeanything. With Extinguishment/Contrary types - it’s rather like aswamp that pulls you in, and then there is no particular mood, desireor wish to climb out of it.
ILE-ESE
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Adam (ILE):
I have one friend of TIM ESE. Once when she was telling
me about her boring, tedious work I decided to joke with her. I sat next
to her and started earnestly describing to her the following: “Imagine,
that instead of this accounting job, you have something else, like a
business of your own: organizing corporate celebrations, parties, and
gatherings, for example, and so on. Imagine, how you’re rushing to
prepare the next event, composing a program, choosing a restaurant and
menu. Later a show, concert, a celebration, with a lot of emotion!
Imagine, how after the holiday, tired but satisfied guests come to you
to express their gratitude.” I see how she straightened her shoulders
and a dreamy haze appeared in her eyes. In her ears there was probably a
sound of the trumpets already, and she said: “Adam, we will try this
with you some time. Definitely.” Here I understood that I better stop,
otherwise next I will have to draft a business plan for her…
Laviniya (ESE):
I’m very much activated by ILEs intellectually.
Where I will tell directly a person of another type “don’t be a
smartass, explain yourself simply” with my activator I overcome the most
abstruse theories. The first year of college I got into a relationship
with an ILE who was the beauty and pride of our physical department,
with red diploma, white bone and blue blood)) - so I’ve gotten only A’s
for all courses that I took!!! If I got a B, I would ask to re-do the
assignment! And how else? I had to correspond to him. We separated due
to some of his negative quirks - he was terribly jealous of me. I don’t
know if ILEs are so jealous, but in respect to me it’s like put the
lights out - I activate them like this. In general, everything in them
is wonderful, but their unkempt untidy appearance slightly repels me …
I can’t be like SEI and spend my entire life cleaning them up and
organizing them … I have many other plans. Their irrationality hinders
me in my personal life, as well as it is maddening in work. They don’t
do anything in time. It’s impossible to squeeze out exact dates from
them. They decide everything at the last moment. And at the same time
they sincerely apologize and swear “to redeem this with blood”! I
usually say “better with coffee”.
LII-SEI
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Mavka (LII):
My activator has inspired me to such heroic feats that
I have never expected from myself. For example, to do a complete
reconstruction of the house, about which I was scared to even think
about (!). Even now it’s frightening to recall, but it went well,
everything worked out.
Igna (LII):
Yes, there is no way to hit the painful function, but it
seems that the creative function has to work at its utmost limit. And we
speak different languages. SEI, being an ethical type, is a good
manipulator. But I see what he wants to achieve with his tricks. So why
not simply say how it is? It seems to me that some kind of lie is
happening … And on the point about lack of support - I absolutely
agree. And irrationality / rationality, too … In general, in a year I
became so tired that I decided to stop the relationship. And how much
you need to annoy an LII for him or her undertake such a historic
decision is a well fact known.
Kubik-Rubik (LII):
I’m in this kind of relationship right now. I
don’t know if this is good or bad?! Sometimes it happens that I’m in
heaven from happiness, and sometimes I start to doubt whether the SEI
truly needs me or not. We rarely see each other - once or twice a week.
Of course I want to meet more often, but I understand that it won’t lead
to anything good. Recently we broke up. We did not communicate for half
a month, but then the birthday came up (we have it on the same day!). I
congratulated her in original way - and everything started up again! Now
again everything is fine. But for how long? I don’t know what should I
do - can anyone advise?
Vatrushka (SEI):
So it was with my LII. Parting for a month ortwo, infrequent meetings, original congratulations, after whicheverything started up again. All of this that happened between us was,however, non-SYNCHRONOUS. And this untimeliness, different sense ofrhythm, not enough deep penetration into each other’s feelings, plusthe inability to convey our emotions, was very straining. The waythings happen with a dual is that the lightest effect usually leads tothe desired result - one has frowned, and the other has alreadyunderstood. This does not happen in activation. It is very difficultto get a thought or a feeling across. It is almost impossible toexplain what you are experiencing - to each of you it seems assomething too minor and not worth attention.
Infrequent meetings for an SEI - are very bad. SEI is tuned to thefact that her dual is always nearby. ILE is an extrovert, as such heneeds company of others, thus the ILE is ready to be constantlyaround. LII often made me worried in this sense, since he showed upVERY rarely. He canceled meetings. He did not call when he was gone.He disappeared - and that was all.
As a result, I adored him for four years, while my LII kept away withcoolness. Then I snapped out of it, enough was enough, and then hetried to latch onto me. Another four years passed. When he said thatwe should get married, I shamefully fled.
EIE-SLE
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Kansas (EIE):
We’ve been living together for a year now with my SLE
boyfriend, and everything is fine. He is a loving man who is always
ready to rush to protect his loved ones in any moment. All conflicts
(which we have, of course, this is activity relations after all) stop
very quickly, and he tells me that I am an “amazing person”, because I
am “a person” - that’s how he explains it, meaning that I do more or
less reasonable, logical things, in his opinion, and that I am capable
of surviving in extreme situations, but at the same time I remain
feminine (I’m not praising myself, these are his own words).
Vitaliy_17 (EIE):
I’ve met very few SLEs, but the ones I’veclosely communicated with - excellent relations (if in moderation).
Sitting on the couch, feeling bored:
Eh, such weather outside. We must somehow let off the steam, go swimin the lake or something. (me)
So, let’s go. (SLE)
And here we are are on the shore of the lake watching people in thelake play water volleyball.
IEI-LSI
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Fly_lady (IEI):
I have been married for 12 years to my “activator”.
After that came long-awaited liberation and a vow from me to stay away
for the rest of my life. These relations are good, but with rationality
/ irrationalty there are indeed some problems. By my observations this
is the part of these relations that is most frustrating and upsetting to
both. In everything else, up to a certain moment, this relationship was
quite comfortable, and perhaps he has indeed activated me. With his help
I have mastered a completely new occupation for myself which I’m still
liking very much. The “certain moment” of our break-up, in my opinion,
was not related to our types. Overall, no matter our outcome, I consider
activation relations to be quite favorable.
SEE-LIE
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Cezaria (SEE):
My activator is LIE. I have many of them in life.
Friendship. Strange emotions - they are sort of like me, but like adistorted mirror where all the proportions are broken. My girlfriendof type LIE has amazing ability to draw me into work, especially one Idon’t like. A male LIE friend, while seemingly not requestinganything, has convinced me to live for two weeks with his wife and sonat their summer house. I thought I’d hang myself! Although I was quitesure that I offered the assistance myself for the time their regularbabysitter was on vacation. And I influence my activators positively,I think. When I worked together with a friend of type LIE, they alwayssent me to him “for reconnaissance” - to put the management into agood mood. And the husband of my LIE friend calls me with frustratedcries: “Explain this to her, because I can’t explain anything!”
Work. A boss-activator is a holiday. Then work is really enjoyable. Agoal appears and you practically begin to live with work. Very strong,powerful intellectual stimulation is going on, which is especiallyimportant when you are engaged in a completely new business and thereare no already established methods. And the successes appearimmediately, as if by magic. A subordinate-activator is also good.LIEs on their own are workaholics, and if they also feel comfortableand interested in work - then they are like perpetual motion machines.Important thing is that there is always someone to send on a businesstrip. LIEs love this.
Love. Hmm … It’s difficult. And not because of the activatorrelationship at all. Everything is just fine with this. Problems aresolved in a working order. Feelings are strong and bright. LIEs arecaring and not bores. But, let’s say, you have been together for ayear, and in a moment of tenderness the LIE says: “Most of all I loveyou for the fact that you never stopped me from working.” This musthave been a compliment.
ESI-ILI
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Margie (ESI):
We lived together for about three years. I do notknow who called it “activation”. We mutually hampered each other -when we broke up the productivity of our activities sharply increasedfor both of us. If an idea gets criticized first by ILI then by ESI,there is usually nothing remaining of the idea … because theycriticize from different positions. Yes, there are many commoninterests, but the overall activity also “stalls”. Plus, the mismatchof rationality / irrationality.
Maybe because I’m very ethical introverted ESI, I can produce theneeded amounts of Se and apply them to an ILI only if I’m fuming atthe critical point, then Se arrives along with a good portion ofFi/Fe. The ILI tried to frantically “not do what I don’t like” andwith horror he realized that I seem to “not like” anything … becausewhat was unacceptable is precisely the fact that he wasn’t doinganything. But I have heard about quite happy couples. Casual friendlyrelations with ILIs are the very thing.
I honestly admit - after I broke up with him I was in a terrible rut(one property of activation relations: once you spend several daysaway from each other all the differences and disagreements areforgotten), but then a tremendous sense of freedom and opportunityarrived. As it turned out, these relations were terribly constraining- continuous running around in circle of aggressor-victim-savior witha constant switching of roles …
Minx (ESI):
This is exactly it - friendship relations are not a
problem at all. The problem is relations that are close. In five years,
as it would seem to me, you can get to know a person. But no. Not here.
Lots of different things happened, but to move my ILI to a serious step
was unbearably difficult. It felt like he was walking with his back
turned to life, and still he didn’t believe if you warned him ahead of
the time of the holes in the pavement. It is easy to convince him in
small things, you can even manage to convince him in something more
complicated (this requires more time), but somewhere you see that there
is a limit. One day he cut it off. No explanations, no clarity, no yes,
no no .. And some very friendly relations remained (we work together).
It just hurts me to go to work now. I don’t want to be friends with him.
Grethen (SEI):
We have two people living in same room of types ILI
and ESI. The ESI very unobtrusively and efficiently puts the ILI into
motion. The ESI is the perpetual “motion engine” in the room and with
her constant activity and conversation she makes the ILI want to do
something, to actively get involved. It’s very nice to watch this.
IEE-LSE
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DimaGek (IEE):
I have a best friend activator. We fight
periodically, but nevertheless we continue to communicate, as if nothing
has happened! The relationship is normal, only LSEs periodically try to
order you around and tell you what to do.
MarinaV (IEE):
It’s cool to work with activators! Looking at LSE, I
would like to get an organizer, write out all the traffic, organize
myself, go to the fitness center regularly, eat oatmeal in the morning,
quit smoking, etc. It is a pity that this is not for long! And it does
not always work out.
Terezita (IEE):
My brother is of type LSE. He said that I see more
clearly how people relate to him than he does himself. Getting
acquainted with someone, he sets up a “showing”: he brings the new
acquaintance over, and asks me for an opinion about this person, and
requests that I get his new acquaintance to talk about themselves. There
was a case when I warned him from the very start about one not very good
man, but my brother found him interesting … when an unpleasant
situation happened he then admitted that I was right. He, in turn, helps
me in domestic sense - he manages to sort me out and create a little bit
more “order” in my life.
Leza_Z (IEE):
On the topic of marriage with an activator, we have
been married for 10 years. At first there was great amount of love for
one another. If we ever quarreled, in the mornings we would gladly talk
as if nothing has happened (at first this was a surprise for me). I
stimulated him to get higher education (he quit school prior) - one can
say that his degree is mine))) I have forgiven him a sea of ??all sorts
of small stupid things. But when in a difficult moment he could not
support me (more precisely, he didn’t do what I expected), a grievance
has lodged itself in my heart. And like a snowball it grew bigger and
bigger. In the end, each of us tried to prove their own side of story,
but it didn’t work. Right now things are difficult between us, which is
sad. Even before getting acquainted with socionics, I clearly began to
understand that with him I feel a lack of compassion and … sensing.
EII-SLI
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Anfisa (EII):
My activator is type SLI. If the activator is a man -
then I fall in love instantly! I want to “sing, whistle, solve
crosswords” as the quote goes. If the activator is a woman - then I
really like her. I immediately want to be friends with her, talk to her,
emotionally participate in all her personal experiences and so on …
There is an unusual wave of tenderness … Suddenly there appears
furious activity, a desire to do something, to resolve something, etc.
But after a while, after this splash there comes an extreme, terrible
sense of fatigue, due to which you want to go away, go hide somewhere in
the corner, sit it out, wait, restore strengths, and wait until the
irritation caused by SLI’s slowness and stubbornness subsides (which,
incidentally, I have never allowed myself to voice out loud).
29_02 (EII):
Our activator is awesome! The logic, and in general
their intellectual improvisations, is very impressive. Sensing makes you
feel closer to reality. Sometimes it’s so great to feel how intuitive
concepts become realized and implemented into real life. As introverts,
we don’t bug each other too much. There is only one ‘but’: rational and
irrational differences. As has already been commented above, this gets
very tiring! But if you strive to see some positives in this, then you
will develop certain flexibility and spontaneity about it. It’s not a
coincidence that relations of activity are usually ranked near the top
of intertype relationship rankings.
dostochka (EII):
My relations with my activator are strained by our
mutual introversion. Perhaps EII and SLI are some of the most
introverted types. It’s awkward to be alone with an unfamiliar SLI.
Neither him nor I can show any initiative to begin a conversation. One
time we have spent an entire hour just sitting in silence, until the SLI
asked me: “You can be silent for long?” I can almost immediately
recognize SLIs by this certain tension that arises in our communication.
With extraverts this never happens. However, if the SLI begins to talk
on his own, I can listen to him for a long, long while. Their sensory
observations impress me a lot. They leave inside me a feeling as if I
have visited a museum. I can say the same thing for my activator - he
listens to me with great interest, for example, when I discuss my
impressions from the latest book that I have read, disclosing the inner
world of its main heroes and questioning its plot and the main subjects.
QueenJester (EII):
I have been married to my activator. Now I
understand the reasons for our fights and break-ups, but back then I was
not familiar with Socionics. In principle, (in the absence of a dual),
these are very good and pleasant relations! Indeed, you feel an
emotional upsurge. You can’t fight for a long time, as there is no way
to reach each other’s painful functions. Everything that interests your
activity partner also seems interesting to you (this was the case for
me), and so you start to take an interest in it. In general, in the
absence of life problems, this is just a wonderful relationship! But
when I had difficulties, I felt that my activator was not my support ..
he could only distract me for a while, but not help to solve the problem
… But, if you have a dual nearby, they can help you solve your
problems. Or maybe you won’t have any problems … then this is a very
interesting relationship. In addition the complexity is due to
rationality-irrationality … different life rhythms - and this can get
tiring.
Julia (SLI):
Relations of activity are somewhat similar to dualityin that being close to your activator you don’t seem to notice his orher presence; everything seems harmonious and calm. The difference isthat when you part with a dual, you feel how they are missing, butwhen you leave an activator there is no such acute feeling of absence.With your activator, similarly to the dual, you feel like you are withyour “kindred soul”, “your” person one can say, which is quitereliable; there is a feeling that you are protected.
In each pair of activators, relations develop in different ways.Perhaps with time, some socionists can write in due course detaileddescriptions not only for dual dyads, but also for pairs ofactivators. As it has already been mentioned above, the biggestdisagreements happen over the aspect of rationality-irrationality.This indeed happens, especially when it comes to family relations ofactivators trying to resolve questions of financial planning andscheduling some events and activities over time. In addition, havingexperienced the activation for many years, I have noticed asignificant obstacle for good relations of activators is a coincidenceon trait of introversion. In the case of two introverts, the pairlacks activity. Yes, many say that activators activate each other forsome actions, but I observed the absence of a source of energy in therelationship, as it were, as if the mutual extinguishment of activity.For example, the SLI feels a big surge of energy when the EII leavesfor a few days to visit relatives - immediately there is a desire todo everything that is unfinished. Of course, there are differences inEIIs and SLIs, but many EIIs whom I personally know love quiet privacyat their home, while SLI needs movement with new impressions.
SLIs need a person who by their advice and energy would inspire him orher to activity. From EII one can expect only quiet sympathy andempathy (as LSEs like it), which is simply unnecessary to an SLI. Anexample from real life. The SLI is suddenly dismissed from work, andthis happens quite unexpectedly. A sad SLI comes home, tells hissituation to the EII. At that moment, SLI really needs moral supportof the kind “You know, you’re a good specialist in your field, you canfind a new job that’s even more interesting for you.” And what doesthe EII say? He/she says: “Well, don’t worry. Relax for a while athome, have some rest.”
Relations between two introverts lead to misunderstandings andunderstatements in the relationship. The SLI cannot understand manythings in the EII, while the EII often simply remains silent, and viceversa it is the same. In cases of conflicts and quarrels, both simplyclose into themselves, experiencing and re-living their feelings onthe inside, and not letting them out. Instead of clarifying theincomprehensible questions and issues in their relationship, there isa “silent war”. If you look at this pair from the side, it seems thatboth are so calm and happy with life, but in fact both are upset andstrained. This “containment” may even lead to sickness.
One my acquaintance of type EII was married to a SLI man for about 3-4years and then separated from him (before getting married she was wellacquainted with socionics). She said: “He is indifferent to me,silent, goes into himself,” etc. Well, it’s clear that the SLI is notthe LSE, and that with SLI she could not get enough extravertedattention and care for herself.
Also, in my opinion activation relationship SLI-EII distorts the TIMs.In the case of two introverts, one of them becomes more extroverted,and this is very exhausting for that person.
Related discussions
¶
Activity Relations, stories and discussion
In which ways is Duality better than Activity?
Which works better: Semi-duality or Activity Relations?
What do relations of activity between introverts look like?
Activity Partners and PoLRs
Subtypes in Activity Relations
IEI-LSI activity relations (INFp and ISTj)
EII-SLI Activity Relations (INFj and ISTp)
INTp and ISFj activity relations (ILI-ESI)
ENFj and ESTp activity relations (SLE-EIE)
LSE-IEE activity relations (ENFp & ESTj)
Stratiyevskaya: INTj-ISFp
Stratiyevskaya: ISTj-INFp
Stratiyevskaya: ISFj-INTp
Stratiyevskaya: INFj-ISTp
Stratiyevskaya: ENTp-ESFj
Stratiyevskaya: ESTp-ENFj
Stratiyevskaya: ESFp-ENTj
Stratiyevskaya: ENFp-ESTj