Toggle Light / Dark / Auto color theme
Toggle table of contents sidebar
Activity Relations ENTp and ESFj by Stratiyevskaya
¶
Introduction
¶
Both partners in these relations are extraverts, positivists, and constructivists. As consructivists, they seek to demonstrate their affection by being of service to their partner, by some deeds or actions. With this they evoke positive feelings in each other. Each of them soon gets a sense of seriousness of these relations.
Each of them is proactive, readily takes initiative, energetic and productive. Each seeks to direct and orient the activities of the other partner, and, of course, neither of them is willing to limit their interests and their influence to home and family. We can assume that the function of the introvert will be taken up by the sensing type, ESE, provided that this person is of female gender.
Already during the first meeting partners impart a pleasant impression on each other. ILE is attracted by the practicality, industriousness, and good management skills of ESE, his heartfelt generosity and warmth, his sense of taste, his impressive and energetic nature, and his aesthetics, optimism and cheerfulness, his love for children that approaches self-denial. ILE delights ESE with his erudition, intelligence, his insights and ability to analyze, and the scope of his imagination: “Would you look at that! How astutely he pointed all of that out - how did he manage to notice all of this.”
Channel 1-6
¶
Aspect of the “ethics of emotions” (Fe)
Enthusiastic emotionality of ESE certainly positively impacts ILE and activates him. However, over time the behavior of his partner starts to seem too inflexible and straightforward. The inert ethics of ESE do not have certain qualities needed for ILE: flexibility and maneuverability, as a consequence of which ILE will soon feel some emotional discomfort. Since the ILE himself is emotionally inert (i.e. his “ethics of emotion” aspect is located in the inert block), he will not rest until he fully “discharges” emotionally, which startles and somewhat alienates the ESE. For the ILE, emotional and ethical problems in these relations will amount to the fact that there will be no one to console and reassure him.
Aspect of “intuition of possibilities” (Ne)
Fantastical plans of the ILE and the opportunities that they open strongly activate and energize the ESE. He will be waiting for the progressive realization of these projects impatiently, but will not live to witness them, as ILEs don’t like to implement their own conceptions, neither to even fully think them through and do the calculations. Yet, his every intention ILE sees as a fully defined and in all respects developed project, which if not today then tomorrow will start bringing benefits.
ESE won’t see the “fruits” of these proposals. When he notices that things do not move past the stage of mirages and ideas, he will lose interest in his partner’s intentions. He will start becoming irritated every time his partner puts forward some new, “forward-oriented” notion. With time, ESE will develop a steady sense of skepticism regarding the brilliant ideas of ILE, which in turn will affect his emotional state: periods of apathy will alternate with temper flashes, which in turn will activate the moods of ILE. Since there is often no one around to extinguish and put out these flashes, mutual irritation of the partners leads distancing and mutual exclusion.
Channel 2-5
¶
Aspect of “sensing of experiences” (Si)
ILE experiences sensory discomfort every time that his partner employs his aspect of “sensing of experiences” for purposes of manipulation - that is, as an instrument of rewards and punishments: “Today, I am pleased with you, so you get a pie. Tomorrow, you have disappointed me - you will have cold pasta.” This state of affairs is upsetting for the ILE in principle: how can this person be punishing in such a manner? Subconsciously, ILE is oriented at the sensory generosity and selflessness of his dual the SEI, who gives fully and for whom the mere act of giving is a joy in itself. Therefore, any expression of concern and care the ILE takes for granted - he will not become “activated” in a special way, neither “work” for these reward-pies, for he believes that such sensory generosity should be a quality of his partner as the most natural state of his being and soul.
Therefore, if ILE receives his “sensory care” alongside with reproaches and reservations, if he, in addition to all, it served with a bill, he can feel deeply hurt and disappointed, since such information does not match the expectations of his suggestive function - he did not expect such a partner nor imagined such manner of behaving. Over time, he begins to be wary of the “sensory supervision” of Hugo, fearing that consequently he will be presented with some absurd claims and exorbitant demands.
Aspect of “logic of relations” (Ti)
In turn, ESE is not taken for long by illusions concerning the creative logic of ILE. The first thing that starts to worry him is the absence of clear principles, its maneuverability and manipulative aspect. The ability of ILE to come out “unscathed” in the most adverse circumstances would perhaps impress the ESE, if all this resourcefulness wasn’t based on logical flexibility. If the aspect of “logic of relations” is for a long time applied in a flexible interpretation (“this is that, that is that”), ESE stops being persuaded by it, since he doesn’t receive clear guidelines, which only further exacerbates the confusion of his thoughts. Thus, he starts being more critical of the information relayed by ILE on this aspect, and over the time begins to plainly ignore it, for he understands that this information is not of the kind that he needs. Therefore, ESE is left without support on this aspect, which evokes in him a sense of insecurity and irritation.
Channel 4-7
¶
Aspects of “intuition of time” and “ethics of relations” (Ni and Fi)
Both partners have these aspects in an inert block: one as observing function, the other as vulnerable function. What happens as a result of this? Each partner counts on support of the other of their vulnerable aspect. Both start to feel unsettled and very nervous because neither receives this support. Each of them also feels irritated and starts making demands, since instead of the expected support from one’s partner each receives corrections of their behavior, or at best recommendations on how they should act. Moreover, these recommendation they naturally will not be able to apply and use, because it is not natural for them to act in this manner.
For example, in the case of complications of ethical kind, instead of smoothing things over or distracting the ILE from joining in some unpleasant conflict or “showdown”, ESE lets events take their course, and later voices his opinion concerning ILE’s inappropriate, from his point of view, behavior, with which remarks he will make ILE especially angry. In a complicated ethical situation ILE unconsciously expects to receive a prompt and diplomatic intervention from his dual, the SEI. Here, not only does he not receive such timely support, but his partner also “rubs the salt in” over his “wounds”, harassing him with all sorts of useless moralizing - he already likely feels ashamed of what he has done, for which, by the way, he blames not only himself but also his partner. It was his partner, after all, who did not intervene in time and alleviate the tension - and to voice criticisms after the fact, well, anyone can do this! Again, ESE criticizes the ethics of ILE not out of spite or malice, but because such behavior is shocking to him. After all, he subconsciously expects regulatory ethics of his dual the LII, who usually abides by the social norms, is more restrained and less contentious. Even if there is any need to correct the behavior of LII, Hugo is always ready to provide such corrections, and will do so in a very polite and tactful (in his opinion) form.
Aspect of “intuition of time” (Ni)
Hugo will be frustrated by any accusations that he poorly times his actions. After all, despite all such criticism, he believes that his actions are timely, accurate, and well placed, because on this aspect of he is fully dependent on the circumstances. Hugo will be outraged by the fact that instead of supporting him on this aspect - to take the excess load off, to remove the unnecessary haste, to coordinate his time resources and his actions - his partner will not lift a finger to relieve his schedule, but instead will sit and criticize him for his untimely acting. How can Hugo coordinate his time if his irrational partner lives by an unpredictable schedule?
After all, ILE is not the punctual and meticulous LII, who tries to coordinate his time and clearly plan out his day. ILE, as all irrational types, is unpredictable: one never knows when he will come when he will leave, when he needs to be fed and taken care of, and does not ESE have other things to do besides monitoring his partner? Does not he have other interests? And all of this will require time, but time is exactly what ESE doesn’t have enough of in partnership with ILE. Therefore, the accusations of ill timing of the actions will, of course, upset him - he already feels that he is devoting more time to his partner than is needed. Again, ESE is not persuaded with proposals and forecasts of ILE - they do not charge him with newly found optimism. Instead, he thinks that his partner is a naive dreamer. Hugo needs precisely targeted and logically substantiated projections of Robespierre, which perhaps aren’t as optimistic as forecasts of Don Quixote, but at least they sound more realistic, and therefore convincing and reassuring.
Channel 3-8
¶
Aspects of “business logic” and “volitional sensing” (Te and Se)
These aspects both partners also have in the same block - the manipulative one. One is in the role function, the other - in the demonstrative function. This means that both partners exhibit activity in demonstrative aspects and render their support where it is not needed. That is, to put it simply, they interfere with each other. This happens because demonstrative function of one partner overlaps with the role function of the other partner, which does not need this kind of support. For the role function it is quite enough if someone “keeps an eye out” for it. But “keeping an eye out” is the job of the observing function, which is occupied by a completely different aspect that works on a completely different channel. Just as the observing function does not provide information where it is needed, and demonstrative function get involved where it is not sought for, and, moreover, it does so very actively, while information is “requested” very passively and analytically. As a result, partners clash and voice reprimands, such as: “When it is necessary, you don’t get involved, and when it is not - you interfere in what isn’t any of your business!”
And this is indeed so! ILE does not need to be protected and defended on the aspect of “volitional sensing” - he is able to stand up for himself and even enjoys demonstrating how well he fares in contentious situations. The maximum that is needed from his partner is to observe his “battle with the windmills” and say, “honey, you were wonderful!” - this is the very thing that SEI does.
Hugo reacts quite differently: when he sees that one of “his own” is being attacked and pummeled, he gets involved in the fight himself because his demonstrative “volitional sensing” is designed to protect his dual Robespierre, who is usually too restrained, yielding and delicate to become energetically conscientious on any matter. To ILE such protection will seem out of place, and even humiliating: “There is no need to patronize me! Now I feel ashamed before other people - what am I, a little boy? Why do you treat me like a fool?” Don greatly dislikes when he is “looked after” not when and where it is necessary. He may even attack his “protector” which will be very hurtful and upsetting for Hugo.
The same conundrums will occur on the aspect of “business logic.” If Hugo takes up some business, then he will lead it on his own from the beginning to the end. He will do all the calculations himself, outline a plan of action and get ready to implement it, already anticipating major material benefits ahead. At this stage, he will want to coordinate his actions with his partner and will request information on the aspect of “business logic”, which his dual Robespierre has as observing, “consulting” function, while his activity partner Don Quixote - as demonstrative. And Don Quixote won’t miss an opportunity to demonstrate his “business acumen”. First, he will try to prove to his partner that his project isn’t feasible, but for this he will use his creative, manipulative logic, and therefore will not be able to convince Hugo. After taking apart this carefully planned project, ILE will offer his alternative, of course, just as an idea, not as an already developed draft - but as a brilliant and adventurous idea that to rational and realistic Hugo will seem unacceptable. But at the same time, he will no longer have the confidence in the correctness of his own plans. All this will lead to mutual accusations: “I wanted to do for the best, but you just are interfering! Now do it yourself!” As a result, no one will do anything.
The relations of activation gradually cool down and make both partners-extraverts become slightly more introverted. Thus the term “activation” is more applicable for two partners-introverts, who become more active and more exposed together, which nevertheless does not protect them from many other problems.