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Duality Relations INTj and ESFj by Stratiyevskaya
¶
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Written by
Vera Stratievskaya
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Automatic translation–needs further translation work.
See also
Duality observations
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ESE-LII. Example of this dual dyad.
¶
A charming example of INTj (LII) and ESFj (ESE) dualization is given in
Alexei Arbuzov’s
popular play
“Old-fashioned Comedy”
. The characters and the situation
itself very accurately illustrate the nature of a dual relationship of
this dyad. A touching story of two people who are not of young age: the
chief physician of the sanatorium, of type LII, and one of the
sanatorium’s guests - an artistically extravagant lady, Lidiya, of type
ESE, to whom the doctor refers as “comrade Zherber”, and who in the
shortest time possible manages “to melt the centuries of ice layers” of
this kind, intelligent, but very lonely man with her optimism, endless
cheerfulness, and an incredible amount of warmth, to break down his
isolation and overcome the doctor’s alienation.
Of course, in the beginning their interaction did not run so smoothly:
to Lidiya the doctor seemed to be a stiff and irritable man, with old
fashioned taste and manners (of which she immediately told him!). On the
other hand, to the strict doctor “comrade Zherber” appeared to be an
erratic and frivolous person who only follows her emotions and desires.
Although, upon closer examination, to the doctor these desires start to
seen to be humanly understandable and acceptable - well, what is wrong
with a visitor coming out at night into the garden to admire the stars
and the moon? And since sanatorium gate was locked at night, she had to
climb back into her room through the window. Of course, this is rather
strange behavior for a woman of advanced years, but quite natural if it
is assumed that there’s nothing more important to this person than
satisfying her own wishes. And upon this thought the doctor begins to
ponder and reflect more and more often. The effect of “suggestion” of
INTj via ESFj’s first function of ethics of emotions starts to take
place (ESE -Fe 1st function -> LII +Fe 5th function). If, at first,
Lidiya’s emotionality scared and repulsed the doctor (of what “games of
passion” could she even be thinking, if at her age it’s time to think
about the soul?), then later all of it started looking to him as quite
understandable and acceptable. As it turns out, “comrade Zherber” thinks
only about her soul, but of the living soul and not the dead one that
has to stand stand before God. Lidiya Vasilievna loves fun, she loves to
dress up brightly and beautifully, she likes to sense that she is
attractive to people around her. (Related to this, let us recall the
words of one of the representatives of ESFj sociotype: “There are no
ugly women. There are only women who for whichever reason don’t want to
be attractive.”) Lidiya Vasilievna sees no necessity to restrain her
emotions. She loves the sphere of feelings, she’s delighted by nature’s
raging stormy weather, she loves the rain, and she hates umbrellas. And
she makes a joke at the doctor who grabs an umbrella when they were
heading out to a concert of organ music. (In such a moment, how can one
think about umbrellas?) “Comrade Zherber” also loves music, and music
reconciles her with the doctor, who is capable of feeling no less deeply
and sensitively than her. And from this moment their in-fighting ends,
and the most pleasant and joyful process of spiritual and intellectual
unification of partners begins, which constitutes the highest happiness
of dual relationship - when each of them finds in the other their other
half.
The doctor becomes impressed by Lidiya Vasilievna’s emotional sincerity
and honesty, so that her impulsiveness no longer seems as something too
much out of the ordinary for him. He gradually discovers other
attractive qualities in her, such as sensitivity and responsiveness -
both very important values in the LII-ESE dyad. When the doctor falls
sick, Lidiya visits him during his illness, cares for him, brings him
chicken broth and meatballs, which she “for some reason” suddenly wished
to make. (This emotional-sensory impulse makes a strong and lasting
impression on the doctor, as he later admits himself: her broth and
meatballs for a long time appeared to him in his dreams.) The logical
inconsistency in Lidiya’s actions no longer annoys the doctor but seems
touching, because now it seems to him that it comes from her kind
feelings and positive emotions. What’s wrong with her wanting to see him
and bring him some food - is it possible to take offense at this really?
Her kindness and soulful generosity, that sincere and innocent joy that
she displays, that turn his life into an endless feast - deeply
impresses him! And he gratefully accepts her care. He supports all of
her undertakings, agrees with all of her suggestions, because he feels
that this is being done for him; the doctor is happy that finally in his
life there is such a person. The venerable doctor starts “tuning in” to
Lidiya’s emotional states, rejoices at how easily she’s able to guess at
all of his wishes, and gladly allows her to fulfill them. He realizes
that she knows better than him what he needs, and this amazes him about
her. And now the doctor attentively listens to her every impulse, to
every one of her cues. Now, he begins to guess at her thoughts and her
desires. He invites her to a restaurant because he feels that they both
need a celebration. And he enjoys feeling animated and generous himself.
Gradually, he becomes drawn into this new emotional mode that Lidiya
sets and defines for him. And this regime begins to seems to him as
necessary as breathing air. He has no idea how he can now live without
these daily surprises, without this daily fairy tale - this miracle,
which turns out one can create with one’s own hands. Now he cannot
picture his life without this charming, sparkling with enthusiasm and
humor woman, who so easily and naturally proclaims: “Health - is having
fun!”, who radiates boundless energy and vitality. Therefore, he doesn’t
allow her to so easy leave his life, doesn’t allow her to depart without
saying a goodbye to him once her vacation stay is over.
The doctor goes out looking for Lidiya and almost forcibly brings her to
his home (to a small country house, which stands on the shore of the
bay) and offers her to be a guest, to stay with him for at least another
week. He has exactly one week to let her know that, which he has now
understood for himself: that never for him, nor for her, there will be
happier days than these ones, which they could prolong if there is a
mutual wish and agreement. But this “farewell festival” also comes to an
end, and it is time “to dot the i’s”. He assumes that she is waiting for
some kind of passionate confession and decisive actions, but this
doesn’t occur, he simply doesn’t want her to leave and lets her know
about it. She feels it, too, but nonetheless leaves his house, though
returning back immediately: she “for some reason” wanted to dismiss the
taxi. How awful is that! Her charming inconsistency suggest to him that
she feels well his mood and his attitude for her. So, now he tells her
what he long wanted to say but did not dare. And he puts it in a single
sentence: “I have almost died here without you!”
This is the end of the play. However, dual relations don’t end here, but
only begin - durable and lasting, as it happens to people who have
experienced many losses in their lived, and who meet their dual partner
at an already mature age, in that happy time of their lives when they
are able to develop their relationship, and to reinforce it with their
already arranged and sorted life, and to protect their relations from
damaging external influences of the need for personal independence, as
well as by their accumulated life experience and by acquired ability to
endure through life’s setbacks and blows.
This story demonstrates how the process of dualization awakens and
restores to life all the best that is in a person, how it transforms and
ennobles partners when they begin beneficially yet subtly affecting one
another. When the demonstrative authoritativeness of Lidiya (-Se 8th
function) started to seem rude and arrogant to the doctor, confused and
jarred him (+Se 4th function), he quickly managed to discipline her (on
his program aspect -Ti), so that later she had to keep her distance and
have a respectful relationship with him (+Ti 5th function), set aside
her unceremonious behavior and liberty, and keep herself within a
certain framework. Then, she no longer shamelessly imposed her company
upon the doctor (-Se 8th function to +Se 4th function, and -Ti 1st
function to +Ti 5th function)
And this, by the way, is a very important point in the relationship
between INTj (LII) and ESFj (ESE). Overly noisy and talkative ESE might
initially tire the closed off, introverted, and unsociable LII.
Therefore, the first thing that the LII will require from his dual
partner is sensitivity and respect for the natural human right to
privacy, which is extremely important for the LII and which he will
certainly make the ESE take into consideration. The ESE accepts this
condition (if he or she cherishes these relations). Thus, the first
stage of their dualization happens through the aspect of the ethics of
relations (-Fi 3rd function <-> +Fi 7th function). This aspect is in
position of normative function for the LII, which is also analytical and
accepting, thus to any stimulus on this aspect the LII reacts very
sensitively. For the ESE the aspect of the ethics of relations is in the
observing function (PF.7) and on this function the ESE tries to meet the
norms and standards that are set for him or her.
High evaluation of one’s dual partner on the normative aspect is, as we
already know, an indicator of future success of dual relations.
Therefore, here much depends on the sensitivity and responsiveness of
the ESFj, on his or her ability to guess the state of the partner and
the partner’s predisposition to communication.
ESE-LII. Celebration and solitude.
¶
Getting tired of the noisily imposing, compulsively striving for
changes, novelty, and freshness of impressions ESE (who sometimes gets
irritated by daily monotony and tedious regularity even in most
favorable relations) the LII becomes sharp and irritable. His dual
partner, having received from him a couple of stern rebuffs, finally
starts to reckon with his desires and moods. (As it happens in the
beginning of Arbuzov’s comedy, when Lidiya too actively and aggressively
assails the doctor, follows him at every turn, as if grows from the
ground with a triumphant cry, “Aha! There you are! And here I am!”) For
his openly predatory and hostile takeover, the ESE, like all declaring
types, often uses the method of surprise and acts quickly and decisively
to achieve what he or she desires. The ESE sharply reduces the
interpersonal distance, and just as sharply subordinates the other
person to his will, shocking them by dramatic flow of emotions. The ESE
shocks and amazes with deliberation. And then, using the produced
effect, he acts in his own interests. (What is called “takeover by shock
and awe”.) The INTj does not allow himself to be conquered in such a
way, but he may become interested in the “object” that has in such a way
perturbed his calm. This is what the ESE is counting on. That the person
will be so taken aback with the suddenness and the pressure of his
“attack”, then proceed to feel shocked, and then outraged. Then try to
give a rebuff, as a result of which the ESE will display embarrassment
and ask for permission to change the first unpleasant impression of
himself. Or he will give a sheepish retort in his own defense, which
will allow the LII to consider himself to be the winner in this
situation. That is, the ESE will play a game of giving in. The main goal
of this game is to impose upon the partner the “grand prize”: offer him
to pleasantly spend time together. Or simply reconcile with him, asking
for forgiveness and talking about the possibility of making it up to
him. Let the LII feel himself in control of the situation, let him
graciously forgive the person who has finally started to talk politely
and respectfully to him. The main thing is that the reconciliation has
taken place, which can be immediately reinforced by friendly meetings in
some cozy cafe or park. Because “the grand prize” - the “incendiary”,
positive emotions, in which the LII immediately experiences a need, the
ESE can offer only in an informal setting, which he tries to create with
a person with whom the ESE sympathizes and whom he would like to get to
know closer. With unsympathetic to him person the ESE will not talk - he
values ??his time and tries to spend it only on things that are
pleasant.
“To live to enjoy life! To live, receiving pleasure out of life!” -
these are fundamental positions of ESE’s “program”. In the initial
stages of his interaction with the ESE, the LII also tries to be in all
respects a pleasant and interesting conversation partner. The LII
mesmerizes the ESE with his stories and judicious arguments, and wins
the ESE over by his erudition. But this is only in the beginning. And
later, this dual pair needs to work to “feed” each other’s suggestive
(dual-seeking) functions. And do this actively, because dual relations
in all dyads subsist on the presence and durability of “recharge” of
dual-seeking functions. All duals “fall sick” with a dependence to
receive this kind of suggestive function “recharge”. At first stage, as
a result of this “feeding” of their suggestive, duals begin to
experience a state of “dual euphoria”, feelings of sudden flushes of
generosity and affection towards their partner. Many people do not
recognize themselves in this state. There is a wish to turn out your
pockets and bestow gifts on your partner to infinity, fulfilling all his
or her desires and not thinking about tomorrow. In the dyad LII-ESE, the
LII can work all his life for the opportunity to bring joy to his ESE
spouse, showering her with gifts, anticipating and fulfilling all her
wishes, just to give her the joy, which she will multiply manifold on
her own emotional program and return it hundredfold back to him.
Because of this, a tradition is established in many married couples of
these types where the husband LII gives a gift to his ESE spouse on his
own birthday. This is done for many reasons: first, so that it’s a
holiday for her as well, so that she feels herself the culprit
celebration. So that she’s not jealous of him regarding the attention of
guests and allows him to be in the spotlight. So that she says about her
husband many kind and good words and encourages others to say such words
as well. So that she shows the gift to the guests in support of her kind
words about the virtues of her husband, since generosity is a major
virtue in ESE’s eyes. Thus we can say that the gift works as a “bribe”,
and as a tool of intrigue, as energy fuel that excites the “inflaming”
joyfulness of ESE, the reflections and ripples of which falls on the
suggestive function of LII as his “gift”, as an incentivizing prize for
him, that he dearly needs. The LII considers the good mood and positive
disposition of his wife to be a major gift, which is more valuable to
him than anything else. For this reason, the gift is given to her - for
the sake of having an “interest payout” from the good mood of ESE. And
if there is good mood established, then one can count on good
predisposition, responsiveness, attention to oneself and on
understanding of one’s problems.
If there are no gifts and treats for the ESE - there will not be any
peace and joy for the LII. Feeling of fear, tension, and irritation
appear (the suggestive function starts “signaling”, requiring to be
“fed”). There will be nervousness and anxiety that will worsen the
irritation and agitation of ESE, who will feel troubled by poor state of
affairs within the family. Indeed, if the husband does not bring gifts,
does not invite to restaurants, does not take to fashionable resorts, it
means that his business or work are not doing well. And therefore, it’s
time to sound the alarm.
The ESE learns about potential problems also from the lowering of
quality of gifts that his partner brings (or doesn’t bring). And any
lowering or decrease in level of well-being and prosperity is something
the ESE cannot permit (his TIM’s “program” does not allow him so).
Generally the ESE tries to choose established and industrious people as
partners. Representatives of this TIM often write articles and
instructions on “how to succeed in life” and “how to find a good match”.
They may also pick occupations that allow them to be of interest to
people who are well-to-do. (Sometimes this is supplied with a rather
naive explanation: “I have a good sense of taste, so I need to surround
myself only with expensive and beautiful things.”)
The need to “live large” is characteristic of the ESFj to a higher
degree than of other TIMs. Regardless of how and with what this is
motivated - this is a basic need of ESE’s “program”: “To live in order
to enjoy life,” and it is conditioned by many characteristics and
features of this TIM. (“Life is short, so we must hurry to get a lot of
good from it - here and now!” For the obstinate and demanding extrovert
such as ESE “a lot of good” - is still not enough. We must get all the
good things in life “here and now”, not putting it off until tomorrow.
Because tomorrow a lot of other good things will be needed, too. ESE’s
slogan is “hurry to live now!” The slogan “hurry to do good!” the ESE
understands as “hurry to enjoy and to share your joy!” And how can you
share the joy, if you have not obtained it yet? If there is no joy -
there’s nothing to share! And LII, on his program function of logic of
relations (Ti), understands this very quickly. Especially since the ESE
and keeps him “under the gun” of his desires and requirements. (And who
else will carry them out? Another partner?). Therefore, the LII often
switches anger to forgiveness when his partner takes care of his desires
and satisfies his requirements, and mercy to anger when his partner does
not.
The ESE does not allow the LII to limit him in the possibilities of
consuming the amount of pleasures and joys, which he considers to be
necessary and sufficient. Fortunately, both partners in the dyad - LII
and ESE - are obstinate and unyielding. Both are demanding, unwilling
(and not allowing anyone else) to lower the bar of their requirements,
unable to give in and make concessions (especially in anything that is
of principle for themselves). Both know how to make their partner reckon
with their interests and insist on the fulfillment of their demands.
With modest income, the LII does not allow the ESE to demand too much of
him - “everything at once, right here, and right now.” With a modest
income the LII becomes concerned with raising the well-being and
prosperity of his family. And besides work interests, the LII also has a
sphere of intellectual and spiritual needs: his inner sanctum, which he
needs to expand in order to meet the requirements of his program
function of logic of relations (Ti - 1st function). The LII needs to
understand how are things arranged in this world, to discover patterns
of interconnections and relationships between information processes in
his surrounding reality. The LII needs to continuously learn something
new, to acquire new knowledge, to broaden his horizons, he must
constantly study and learn something. Existing knowledge is never enough
for the LII. And he needs an enormous amount of time to read books, to
browse the internet, to go to seminars and discussion clubs, to attend
lectures, to give lectures himself, to communicate with high-level
professionals, with people who are very knowledgeable and erudite. He
cannot devote all his time to entertainment and amusements of his
partner.
When the suggestive function becomes satiated and begins to “drown out”
the EGO program, thereby shutting it down and forcing it to lower levels
of the hierarchy of priorities, the person starts to panic. The feeling
is as if you are losing yourself. (And serves him right! The EGO program
does not allow anyone to compete with it, moreover a “chidlike” Super-Id
suggestive function: minors do not teach seniors! No function has the
right to push aside the EGO program to subordinate positions. EGO
program is the permanent leader, the head of everything, and it does not
allow a person forget about itself.) The LII feels that he is being
directed and led into some wrong direction and starts to feel unsettled
about this. Spending time on entertainment, celebrations, social
gatherings and meals, among people who are uninteresting to him, starts
to annoy him. Abundant food, an overabundance of calories, gastronomic
delights and dietary overloads - all of this is the “Demyan’s soup”
towards which the ESE is inclined, adoring to treat people who are
particularly close and dear to him.
It is rightfully said that “a full belly is deaf to learning”. While
learning for the LII is a matter of prime importance. Therefore, his
free, personal time (which the ESE, being insatiable with fun and
entertainment, tries to use as his own) the LII tries to devote to
classes and books, overcoming ESE’s situational resistance, which
commonly gets expressed as impositions and voicing of alternative
proposals that often take the form of demands: “Well?? .. You’re still
not dressed??? We were going to go out for a walk!” - the ESE declares,
bursting into the room where his LII partner was cozily sitting in front
of the computer, wanting to “take a walk” around the internet, where he
has already found some interesting library and the right book and
submerged into reading, which has fascinated and drawn him in, and which
he is not going to interrupt. So when someone starts to shake him by his
shoulders, taking him away from the computer, filling his head with some
nonsense, inventing on the fly some meetups with friends and visits to
clubs, the LII has no choice but to rebuff his intrusive partner, who
does not want to consider anyone else’s demands and desires except his
own.
The rebut needs to be actually harsh and categorical. And, of course, it
must be logically justified: after all, any person has the right to
privacy! Does he have the right to work in a calm atmosphere? (Not
simply “read for fun and entertainment”, but namely to work. Then the
ESE on his regulatory role function of “business logic” (Te 3rd
function) (on which he tries to meet the requirements of society)
decides that the partner intends to work for the well-being and benefit
of the family, which for Hugo - is the holy of holies: the more wealth -
the more enjoyments. Therefore, the ESE will leave his partner alone for
some period of time. So that his partner’s inclination to solitude does
not disrupt the general atmosphere (elevated - joyful) mood within the
family, which the ESE considers to be the norm for himself, the ESE
explains to himself and to other people as his partner’s fatigue and ill
health. (If a person feels healthy and well rested, would he refuse to
go for a walk, refuse entertainment, visiting friends, going to clubs? -
No, of course not! Thus ESE does not look for another explanation.)
Although the ESE also cannot allow that his partner spends too much time
on the internet or with books, denying his family members the joy of
communion with him. The ESE considers this abnormal: this is some kind
of disorder, and it’s necessary to sort things out and finally
understand whether the partner is definitely not in good health or if he
prefers his studies to live communication. Therefore, noting his
partner’s tendency for isolation and solitude (which goes beyond the
permissible framework for the ESE) the ESE begins to pester his partner
with questions: is he feeling well? is he ill? perhaps he is upset or
offended by something? maybe he is tired or hungry? But all of this is
put an end to pretty quickly after the LII lucidly explains that he
wants only one thing: that he is given an opportunity to quietly do some
work. And he explains this in such a tough and categorical tone that the
ESE no longer has any doubts about his partner’s wishes.
If the LII from the outset of these relations manages to get his partner
to reckon with his need for solitude and studies, he will certainly
immediately delineate and define much in their relationship, but he may
also lose a lot. Besides, the LII here risks alienating and distancing
the ESE, who won’t like this pragmatic tone initially set for their
relations. Although, of course, the LII also considers it necessary to
settle tthis aspect of their dualization (communication on the channels
3-7, for complementary aspects of business logic: -Te 3rd function - +Te
7th function) at the very beginning of their relationship: “business
before pleasure”, “the day for work - one hour for fun”. It cannot be
allowed that his ESE partner would entirely subordinate the LII to his
desires to the detriment of LII’s personal interests, important and
urgent matters, to the detriment of common sense. The LII considers
being reasonable as one of his main virtues; and he is not going to lose
his head. (Although the LII understands that this would possibly be the
most expensive gift and the most desired sacrifice, but, alas, it’s
pointless to make it. The ESE understands this well, because the LII
often makes the ESE understand that LII’s head always remains firmly on
his shoulders (along with its contents) no matter how much the ESE tries
to make it spin. And the ESE, from time to time, does attempt to do
this, in order to “check” the readiness of his partner to subordinate to
his will. Therefore, the ESE periodically swoops in with his new
spontaneous proposals, employing the same element of surprise. Flying
into her husband’s office, for example, and reporting from the doorway:
“Mother has invited us to dumplings! Come! right now!” The judicious,
prudent (and taught by life experience) LII understands that there are
no dumplings yet. They will be helping cook these dumpling themselves
when they arrive. And this means they will spend an extra two hours
sculpting dumplings from dough before they sit at the table, and this
time does not fit into his plans. Thus, the LII, answering hesitantly
and cautiously, tries to quell the enthusiasm and excitement of the ESE
(who has already decided that her idea was a success) and then finds
more compelling arguments for refusal, trying to not offend his partner,
but still insist on his own. (The LII is not one of those who pays
friendly visits in the morning. He does not believe that this is wise.
And he does not allow the ESE to impose on him entertainment activities
on weekends “early in the morning”, when one can find some activity that
is more interesting: “The day for work - an hour for fun.”)
Similarly, the LII regulates other spontaneous desires and activities of
the ESE, which later on in their relationship no longer seem so
endearing to him to the same extent. Although ESE’s position is also
understandable: in the system of values of his TIM a minute of sadness
and boredom - is time stolen from joys and pleasures. We must have time
to live and enjoy life, rewarding oneself for past anticipation and past
losses - it is necessary to catch up with excess. But the LII cannot
afford the rest of his life to be turned into a holiday devoted to
continuous replenishment of lost pleasures. There are many other
interesting things in this world.
Fussy demandingness and chaotic inconsistency of the ESE, his dependence
on fluctuations of his desires and sentiments no longer seem as charming
to the LII. (Of course, if you love a person, you can come to terms with
some of their shortcomings.) But there are standards, deviation from
which the LII tolerates only up to a certain extent. Therefore, over
time, he has to correct his dual. And he does this on consistent basis
and everywhere, using every opportunity and excuse. Although, of course,
even these efforts may not be sufficient for long. Much depends here on
how the LII is able to stimulate and activate the ESE on the aspect of
intuition opportunities (activation on channels 2-6), suggesting, for
example, that the expected holiday is not canceled altogether, but only
postponed for some time, needed by him to complete the work he has
started. (“Once I finish writing my thesis, then we can celebrate, go
for walks, dine out. And now it’s too early to celebrate … We have to
wait.”) And ESE does not like to wait. He needs a holiday not only later
- but now! Without a holiday the ESE is like a flower without water -
wilting, fading. And here, as you can see, is a hard-working “bumblebee”
who spends the entire day sitting working on his thesis. To wait until
he flies over to control the sunny nectar of the most ardent rainbow
feelings of his soul, to wait for this is very long and tiring - the
feelings will have cooled down, and their ardor needs to be supported.
ESE-LII. Closing of the distance.
¶
So, to it sum up, where does closing of the distance begin in this dyad?
As in any rational dyad, in the ESE-LII dual pair, convergence begins
with a coordination of views and principles and perspectives.
The first step of dualization in this dyad begins with the aspect
“ethics of relations” channel 3-7 - the role function of the LII and
observing aspect of the ESE. How does this happen? The LII often
expressed disapproval of “inappropriate” and “incorrect” behavior of
others (which gives the LII some resemblance to the ESI (-Fi 1st
channel) and is explained by the presence of critical ethics of
relations (-Fi 3rd channel) in positions of an analytic function of the
mental level). Of course, the LII does not often voice his concerns, but
only in the presence of those who are directly concerned, as well as
those who understand and share his point of view. (The hero of the
aforementioned Arbuzov’s comedy initially also critically commented on
the extravagant actions of Lidiya, but then, when he started
participating in her eccentricities, he started to view them completely
differently.) Anyway, on complementary aspects of the ethics of
relations (-Fi 3rd function, +Fe 7th function) the ESE finds many common
themes with the LII, although this, by and large, is only a prelude to
the main things. (In the end, it is not so important how the more
“serious” people would react to the midnight singing of “resting comrade
Zherber” - if only they did not spoil her own mood.) Mood - that’s what
matters in this dyad - emotions and feelings. Anything that suppresses
and overshadows good mood is considered unethical in this dyad and is
strongly condemned.
Hugo has a habit of talking loudly about how unethical it did.
Unethically in understanding Hugo, also means unfair and here viewpoint
Hugo relates to a belief system Robespierre. Therefore, it is more
likely he is all these stories and responds: Be sensitive to “unjustly
offended” Hugo, demonstrates the sensitivity, sympathy, - that is,
ethically disclosed with the best hand. This behavior is very typical of
Robespierre on the initial stage of relations, whether it will continue
- depends on the further convergence of views and perspectives. For its
part, Hugo plays the role of business, practical person, meticulously
comply with all terms of the agreement and mutual obligations in a
business relationship - and it is also very impressed with Robespierre,
the partner is ready to believe in the word. (The influence of quadra
subjectivist: if a person said to himself, what he actually means the
way it is. A confirmed it works or not - time will tell.) Thus
established between them understanding.
(Separation on the basis of kvadrovomu “subjectivism and objectivism.”
In quadras subjectivist dominant value are aspects of logic relations
(first and second quadra). Hence, respect for the opinions of man, his
authority and the place he occupies in the system. In quadras
objectivist dominated aspects of the business logic, the logic of facts,
logic, action - in the third and fourth quadras it does not matter who a
person is considered to own or other people’s opinion, and that who is
objectively judging by his actions, cases, objectively confirmed
irrefutable facts.)
Through what - while Hugo few reverses their stories - of “unfairly
hurt” he turns to “advocate” of their loved ones. (Starts communication
on the channel (4 - 8). Complementary aspects intuition of time and
volitional sensing (+ nc nc 4 — 8) and (4 +
(In the mobile unit that no function - all the “exhibition” alternative,
all - for sale, all - for a pleasant experience. We must pose as active,
active man - it exists creative (instrumental function, I want to
impress a correct and diplomatic - for there is a “diplomatic
crossroads” role function, which checks the statutes of “their” and
“foreign”, “monastery” and coordinate with one other. Want to impress a
person needing help and support - and it is possible owing defiantly
naive and infantile suggestive, suggestible function finished with
childish curiosity perceive any information on his aspect. And if you
want to shine and make a lasting impression - used demonstrative
function - for it also exists to create a view of human capabilities in
the event of its location (or dislike) a partner. Recent reserves gather
all the remaining forces mobilized, but the right impression of yourself
create.)
Robespierre sets, unhurried pace and discreet communication, typical for
him as for the reasoning - static-kvestima (brooding, detachment and a
few scattered around and doubting and wants all to understand
thoroughly, Intuit). Thereby removes unnecessary tension and
restlessness Hugo. As if implying that the matter in question is much
more complicated than it might seem at first glance, so do not try to
solve it immediately, we have to wait to think, to estimate and weigh
different options. Nothing bad will happen if the issue is resolved much
later. Currently suffering, and we should allow the question to make it
successfully solvable. Speaking in this way, Robespierre Hugo
subordinates his pace, soothes and relaxes more it suppresses his
nervousness. Mutes his curiosity, which usually spurs and inspired and
encouraged Hugo impatience, forcing him to demand immediate full and
comprehensive information on their situation here and now. Wanting to
satisfy his curiosity Hugo usually very presses a partner. Peppered him
with questions and then presses on him emotionally demanding an
immediate response, an early decision or consent. Begins his rush to
answer, customized, goad, “Well! .. Well! .. Come on, make up your mind
that - anything! Come on! Well! ..”
And Robespierre frustrating when his goad, even more so when it is
“harnessed” or pushed around them. He tries not to allow this. So does
everything possible to cool down the overly inspire Hugo. (You want that
- then learn - Discern! Nasedat And - why?). Robespierre manages fast
and most convenient and painless way to repay the excessive activity of
Hugo (very tedious both for himself and for others). (Dreiser may also
repay the excessive activity, demonstrative aggression and assertiveness
willed Hugo (relative maturity and mutual neutralization). But then they
both have to call an ambulance. Robespierre And do it easily and without
straining: a hard and cold (“cooling” fervor Hugo) look unhurried and
thoughtful communication style, rigid and strict intonations sensible
logic - Intuit.
Robespierre gradually drawn into emotional mode Hugo, but does not give
it, and balances it. Restraint and unhurried Robespierre works
counterbalance excessive emotionality, assertiveness and aggressiveness
demonstrative Hugo. (If not appease Hugo (at the time), it becomes (as
well), and any TIM absolutely unbearable. Hassled tantrums all around,
annoyed, waving his fists. Grabs something heavier and what comes to
hand. Weights, dumbbell or otherwise how gymnastic projectile begins to
juggle or swing the nose of his annoying person. Maybe grab a person and
start to swing, twist - twist, if the person annoys him his retardation,
or an excess of emotion, if the forces and capabilities allow.
excitations (excessively) Hugo it is sometimes necessary to stop in
time. Need to manipulate objects and people (as objects) when he feels
an irresistible overstimulation.)
Robespierre succeed in time to cool his ardor, and it does not hurt (in
most cases). Dual would not hurt if you do not want. (And not always
hurt, if they wish). If relations occur in general, correctly, would not
hurt. (Why and why should he hurt the man he understands that like and
which has views as a potential mate? Here if “types” (plans, prospects)
change - then another thing, then we need to push away, discard the dual
partner, deny it or reject it, but it is extremely hard.) Robespierre
impressed emotional generosity Duala and his emotional responsiveness;
reaching to his love for the children of self-denial. All this is the
most profound understanding of Robespierre, because it is tuned to the
same ethical values. (Here the coordinated program and suggestive values
??(channel 1 - 5.)
For its part, admires Hugo Robespierre ability to speak clearly and
definitely on every issue. His reasoning is striking harmony
Robespierre, amazing clarity and conciseness of his statements. Hugo
seems that Robespierre nothing obscure in this world, on every question
he can give a full explanation. From communicating with Robespierre Hugo
currently receives intellectual pleasure, allowing him to clarify for
themselves what - is an extremely important concept. And what he was
thinking before, gradually builds up to a certain and clear belief
system, he may already be very loose and relaxed state. Confusion and
chaos in his worldview is gradually giving way to sustainable logical
order. As if someone - that patient and neat lays all his thoughts “on
the shelves.”
Such clarity inspires and activates Hugo. He begins to see for himself
what - what perspectives, possibilities. His energy and activity apart
emotionally - ethical expression gets more and touch implementation.
Hugo begins to take care of Robespierre, to care for him. If Robespierre
- colleague, whom Hugo “his eye, Hugo begins to treat him than - lint,
pet, do what - something small but beautiful and useful gift (for
example: a new cologne or a warm scarf).
When this pair already established strong family relationships Hugo
almost completely takes over the device life and comfort, leaving
Robespierre simple technical housework.
As well as Dumas, Hugo loves arrange “sensory holidays” his dualu
(“sensory experiences” - an aspect of his creative function (+ b.s.2).
Therefore not surprising that everything is thought out to the smallest
detail: taste and color, and light and smell. Preparing for dinner in a
romantic setting Hugo ponders not only the selection of drinks and
delicacies (causing a certain range of sensations), but also very
carefully selects for himself perfume, hair, makeup … Of course this
attitude very activates Robespierre. He is the only one who understands
that a new dress and bought a new perfume to please him. That is, just
as it understands Hugo. partner any other psycho that all these new
things Hugo buys for himself, and not to please him. But it has long
been noted that Hugo always loses interest in his new thing, if it does
not produce the desired impression on others. noticed that if Hugo lives
alone and lonely - he stops for a watch, because it is unnecessary. For
Hugo, it is important that his concerns were someone - then accepted and
appreciated. And most gratifying connoisseur here, of course,
Robespierre. (Aspect “sensory experiences” he is in the position
“evaluation” or “activation” function (b.s.6). Course, is very caring
activates Robespierre, and with his hand, he feels obliged to provide
appropriate material and Hugo support. And he used to be a “realizable”
feature, creative intuition and positive potential, which (alone) and
activated Hugo (+ — ch.i.2 ch.i.6).
Certainly, in the objective difficulties, lack of prospects for
Robespierre (like any Intuit) observed downtrend. And even preventive
care Hugo is little that can change. (As well as his annoyance,
increasing tension emotional pressure - that is, all the same urgings:
“Come on! Well! Do that - ever! Think, You the man!”)
In these circumstances, trying to wait out Robespierre unfavorable
period and is working on a: Improves skills, mastering a new profession,
studying foreign languages ??- that is readying itself to the conditions
that would have opened for him new opportunities and prospects.
Thrifty and prudent hoarding Hugo, as well as calculating savings and
thrift Robespierre, the ability both to use their social rights and
benefits to the maximum, the willingness to take on any little - or less
suitable work permit Douala survive hard times or be reconciled with
them, adapt to them. (Until that Robespierre, theater director with
higher education and a decade of experience goes (out of desperation) to
work first at a sewing factory, then a clerk in a department store, then
- Culler letters to the post office and stuck in this position for
another ten years. And not complain, but only happy when it (after seven
years of night shift finally converted into the day. Life - not sugar
and adults understand it. Main (for Robespierre) - not just survive, but
to survive with dignity.
If these conditions Hugo allow itself irrational spending (from the
family budget) Robespierre mapping perceive as a betrayal of the
interests of families and complexity of an already difficult living
conditions. For all his desire to love and take care of, and bring joy
to turn into a holiday weekdays, passionate, addictive, impatient and
irritable Hugo is not always easy and convenient partner .. Requires
huge endurance, foresight, self-righteousness to his poohladit unbridled
fervor, restrain his optimism, caution against unreasonable spending,
against hasty decisions and actions, from possible mistakes, the
consequences of which will be irreversible for both. And all this could
be solved only Robespierre, not only loving, loyal and faithful partner,
but also the ability to successfully realize themselves capable
insisted, to show their character, will, determination, who knows how to
be stubborn, if necessary. At the crucial moment, he is able to mobilize
their will - to die rather than give up, and for their beliefs on the
chopping block, and the fire will go - History knows many examples.
Never, under any circumstances compromise its principles. If, for
example, unjustly offended Robespierre and wants to “win their own,
legitimate”, it always finds a way to do it legally, (even if he lives
in a society where lawlessness - this norm.)
Robespierre logic program is the bedrock of all its relationships - the
cornerstone and the only one immutable (static) core in this dyad, its
timeless value. Therefore, the idea of ??morality and ethics in this
dual pair formed through logical interpretation of Robespierre, through
his concept of justice, which (as it often happens in the subjectivist)
is deeply subjective, so that here there are certain excesses. Any
violation of the psychological equilibrium in the relations Robespierre
correction restores them logically relations (the logic of justice). For
example, one representative mileyshaya this psycho (Robespierre), a
young and very attractive woman herself has created unbearable
conditions in the family, her husband decided to require “fair”
compensation for the psychological discomfort experienced by it. It
seemed to her that her husband does not give her enough attention,
brings to the position of housekeeper. She could think of nothing better
than to make a price list for acting as homework, including marital
duties and other than a partner immediately set up against him and led
to a business relationship, pragmatic sphere.
One of the problems of instability of relations in this dyad (especially
when the wife - Robespierre breaks with professional activities, leaves
work and is engaged only in domestic work (which is representative of
this TIM can not stand), usually with rapid cooling and loss of interest
in him from the husband - Hugo - amorous, fascinated, fickle and
inconstant in his affections and feelings, as it does tend to speakers
seeking to novelty, to change, to disequilibrium and stability
relations. usual explanation for this is a reference to the demands of
his emotional program: “I do not can be close to someone, the feelings
to which I cooled off. This is primarily unfair to himself. “
Such crises occur when each of the duals begins to abuse its program,
using it in isolation from other aspects and functions of the model. At
this time the culprit turned out to family turmoil Hugo: attracted by
the new adventures, new joys, wished to create a feast for one yourself,
do not think and forget about partner. Robespierre wife saw this as
unjust and demanded the ratio of “fair information accounts.” Her
proposal was a step of despair, the husband realized this and used this
move against her. Relations deteriorated and had to divorce spouses.
Drawing up such “listings” Hugo nipped in the bud. Itself of the
question disturbs him deeply: “What the heck is this pettiness? I came
to you with all my heart, and you? .. “
Everything is interconnected in a dual dyad: one stands to become mean
and stingy, immediately charged avarice and another. There is a sense of
panic, the partners’ actions become messy fussy. Begins the struggle for
the distribution of the remaining wealth. Worth one hardened, hardened
and another showing increasing stubbornness and intransigence. Although
initially, the initial alignment of forces stubbornness Robespierre (its
ability to “deflect everyone and everything under its own interests”)
can make a significant difference.
Example: Young people - boy and girl Hugo Robespierre (who came to the
capital city of the province met and became good to spend time with each
other. Parents rented an apartment to the boy, he studied at the
university, he worked in his father’s firm. Girl also where - what
worked and studied. All went well, until they decided to apply to the
registrar. They why - they decided that his family will be happy.
Relatives spoke strongly against. most of all “water mutila” grandmother
of the groom (also Hugo). It was her favorite from infancy , she was
accustomed to his frequent visits to his home, was jealous of the bride,
was afraid that “this woman” begin to affect him badly and will take
away from relatives. therefore decided to separate the grandson of the
bride, come what may. Customize all relatives against her. From morning
to evening not hung the phone rang all convinced: “He’s so naive and
trusting boy He was only twenty-two years, she is the first woman he!
(!) What did he know about it! This crook gone to his head! She needs
only his residence! She wants to get a decent family! .. This can not be
allowed! She needed to talk to her … Can offer other conditions … “
The girl decided to meet. The girl demanded that the meeting was held in
the presence of her husband. And insisted on this indispensable
condition. Relatives raided the apartment of the young. (My grandmother
did not keep them company, referred to the illness and apprehension.
Went only parents: father - Jack’s mother - Maxim.). Son met them in the
hallway and ran into the room. The room, at a table on the only chair
that table sideways sitting “that woman” and, without turning them head
and without even looking at them, ate what stood in front of her on the
table in a jar of peanut butter and crackers in the bag. Removing
cracker for cracker, she smeared them with peanut butter and eat in
front of the guests, offering them not sit down because the other chairs
in the room and there was not offering to share her meal, because there
were only residues that are not made to offer guests . Guests greeted
her, she did not turn his head in their direction, said frostily. Guests
spoke to her, asking who she was and where. It sparingly and tersely
answered them, continuing to eat and without turning his head in their
direction. Lasted about an hour of conversation, in which the future
father-in-law were standing around her, shifting from foot to foot,
waiting for more positive developments. Then he went to the kitchen and
whispering. Then the groom’s father (Jack) went to the store and bought
any food. A future in-law (Maxim) wearing an apron and went to the
kitchen to cook it all. Then they borrowed from neighbors chairs,
arrange them around the table, sat down and noted the engagement.