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Activity Relations ESFp and ENTj by Stratiyevskaya
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These are relations of two emotivist, strategic, positivist, extraverted types. As emotivists, they may give promises and offer their services without giving it a second thought. As two positivists, they will tend to see life and other people in an affirmative “rainbow” light. As two extroverts, both are hyper-active and inclined to take initiative without thinking it over and consulting each other. Finally, both of them are strategic types, thus each of them creates his own strategy towards his goals, and, of course, neither of them wants their progress to be hampered.
At first, each of them sees the other as a “prop” that can aid them in reaching their goals. LIE is quickly activated by the volitional impulse of SEE, especially since this impulse is delivered on such a strong emotional impetus and seems to be very promising. The SEE sees the LIE as the person who will do anything and everything for him. He relates to the LIE as a good friend who doesn’t turn down any requests, who actuates every whim of SEE, and who is always surrounded by pleasant and cheerful people, whose help may come in useful. The SEE doesn’t see the LIE as an ideal partner: LIE seems like a good person, but too simple and straightforward. At first, for it is easy for SEE to manipulate the LIE, especially since the LIE at first stages of relationship does not restrict SEE in anything – he absolutely trusts him with everything as he would trust his dual ESI. This stage is perhaps the happiest and most romantic period for them both.
Not feeling any restriction or limitations imposed on his behavior, SEE begins to allow himself everything that his heart desires, counting on the fact that he would be able to fix his relations with LIE – SEE is quite confident in the capabilities of his flexible, manipulative, creative ethical function. In addition, since SEE is subconsciously expecting his dual partner ILI, he does not see anything wrong with a bit flirting and taking some interests on the side , since this is just a natural manner of behavior for him the purpose of which is to titillate and invigorate his impassive dual partner. The LIE, of course, is not “titillated” by such “signs”. Instead they alert, disturb and puzzle him. SEE’s attempts to turn all these ethical misunderstandings into a joking matter cause even greater hostility and alienation of the LIE. He condemns such lack of principality and frivolity of his “activity” partner – LIE doesn’t understand how SEE can “play around” with such matters because LIE himself is expecting the strict, inert, “principled” ethics of his dual ESI.
It is possible that already at this stage their relationship comes to an end, if only they weren’t both emotivists – that is, people who cherish their existing relationships (more so that the aspect of the “ethics of relations” in this dyad still has some value).
Activation in this dyad can very soon lead to marriage, especially since it is not difficult to marry the LIE, which SEE can do on the very first activating impulse – with all of SEE’s energy and enthusiasm, this is a piece of cake for him. Being under the influence of his surging emotions, LIE can additionally logically decide that he won’t find a better match for himself and will regain his senses only after the fact. However, it does happen that relations in this dyad fall apart before they sign the papers. An example: the groom LIE found his bride (and co-worker) SEE in the office of their boss providing sexual services. Moreover, all her attempts to explain that in this way she was trying to secure a position for her brother did not convince the LIE to forgive her – her act deeply shocked him, such that he put an end to their relations immediately. Subconsciously oriented at a dedicated and faithful partner, LIE was unable to understand the motives of his “activator”, unable to understand her impermanence, frivolity, and lightheartedness. Moreover, at this stage, he was already starting to get annoyed by SEE’s bragging and narcissism, as well as her ambitious and conceited nature.
Nevertheless, relations between them eventually resumed - Jack, even though he is touchy, also does not hold grudges for long. And Caesar won’t allow him to sulk for too long – he will quickly try to smooth over the conflict, sign off all the unpleasantness to misunderstandings and confusion, and promise to be more sensitive to the feelings of his partner in the future.
Activators in this dyad do not form the happiest of couples. As has already been mentioned, both partners are extroverts – very active people who are used to taking the initiative and who are not inclined to take each other into consideration. Jack is in need of protection of his “rear front” - he is most comfortable when he can afford to safely forget about it for a time being. This is what happens in his dual relations – his hands are fully untied and nobody stands in the way of his plans and his goals.
However, SEE won’t be satisfied with such a situation in his family. Even ESI wouldn’t be fully satisfied by it – who likes to feel herself as the “home slipper” forgotten under the bed? SEE won’t be able to and wouldn’t want to remain on the sideline in the secondary role. He won’t tolerate being ignored, being “turned off from life”, such that all life would violently and glamorously pass by somewhere at a distance from him, while he wold only get the role of dishes and diapers. Neither will SEE tolerate unexpected expenses in the family. He won’t allow Jack to risk their last savings – he, too, knows how to accumulate money and be thrifty, and will not permit his activator to sneak around, to secretly smuggle out large sums, to omit telling him things, especially if all of this leads to trouble.
While ESI all his life fights with LIE for his equality, if he expands the entirely of his ethical program and all of his creative volitional sensorics to establish in the family at least the minimum ethical standards, the SEE is least willing to expand his volitional sensing to everyday fights. Though when SEE is faced with the crude and ugly actions of his activator, he will assume ESI’s positions for a short while and make a few ethical remarks to the LIE, reprimand him for his lack of tact and blame him for lack of attention. SEE, under conditions of activation, quickly turns into “the moralist” to the extent that he may even surpass ESI in this. He assumes the subtype of ESI – his ethics assume more fundamental principled positions instead of being flexible and manipulative, while his inert program volitional sensing will have to assume a more flexible position for educational sorting out of relations with his activity partner, without which unfortunately it is not possible for their relations to continue.
SEE will have quarrels and scandals with Jack on the topic of “you have ruined my life” during which SEE’s volitional sensing breaks through with such a strong flow that LIE becomes not as much reasonable as deafened – it simply knocks him out of his normal psychological state. From ESI he never receives a volitional impulse of such a crushing force as he does from the SEE. Whatever sorting out of relations and quarrels Jack’s dual starts up, all of this is still contained and restrained by his program ethical function that won’t allow ESI to go beyond his ethical framework. Even if an angered ESI beats up her LIE partner, it will be only a couple of symbolic blows that won’t hurt him or cause much moral nor physical damage.
An offended SEE responds quite differently. She won’t wait until Jack matures for harmonious and highly ethical relations. Instead, she will start to look for “moral support” on the side: open a “second front”, the third, the tenth, however many are necessary. On these “fronts” she will find for herself a figure that is more significant to her than her legal spouse, who at this time will be removed to the background.
The reader perhaps remembers the example when one of the representatives of this type became involved in romance on the side when she was deprived of attention, accepting the courtship of all men, familiar and unfamiliar to her. Such “punishment and execution” for Jack will be more painful than splashes of volitional sensorics – he will very painfully respond to such inconstancy and levity of his partner. This, by the way, rarely happens in a union with his dual ESI, who simply leaves when he wants to leave without straying on the side, and if he decides to commit adultery it would be only after he files for a divorce.
Therefore, the betrayal by his partner Jack perceives not as a personal insult or defamation, but as a sentence of dissolution of relations, as the natural result of all of their family problems. Hence the jealousy of Jack - betrayal, in his understanding, cannot be explained and qualified only by sensual attraction - it’s a very serious and telling act. If his partner doesn’t understand this – this is frightening! One cannot live with such a person because he is not reliable and capable of betrayal.
In matters of ethics Jack is a maximalist like his dual Dreiser – he is just as rational and consistent. He also doesn’t understand how one can be living with one partner while meeting other people, how can one maintain two “love lines” in parallel. If LIE doesn’t immediately put an end to relations, eventually he comes to realize that his activator isn’t going to leave him, that casual flirting for SEE is a natural form of behavior, by means of which he puts up a protest and tries to liven up and get the attention of his partner. One also shouldn’t forget that due to his “program” sensing function, SEE places greater value on physical closeness and intimacy than on the aspect of the “ethics of relations” – thus ethics for him is secondary, and the desire to “attain and see the object” is primary.
After this realization Jack starts to follow his “activator” around as if he is tied on a string. Now, his job, his friends, his trips and hikes will matter much less. No, of course, he will try to go on his trips and outings and will try to bring SEE along. However, Jack will be keenly watching SEE’s behavior, for long as this need to control his partner won’t begin to tire him out. At this stage, life will be rich with events for both of them.
LIE spending many years in relationship of activation acquires a subtype of ILI – he becomes a good family man, a kind of domesticated homebody, soft and pliable “household husband”. He will fulfill all the errands that the SEE will assign to him, go shopping, stroll with his child – that is, he will do all the things that he would have never done in a dual marriage, but perhaps this is for the better …
The pulsating nature of activity relationship is more visibly manifested in the introverted dyads of 3rd and 4th quadra because the aspect of the “ethics of relations” is a program function of one of the partners.