Express Constructive Anger, Not Narcissistic Rage! (Psychiatry and Mental Disorder, March 2022)
Channel: Prof. Sam Vaknin
Date: 2022-03-11

Constructive Anger

Communicate your anger honestly, firmly, but not aggressively (never bottle up or internalize your anger, never act passive-aggressively)

Describe your state of mind, don’t blame, guilt-trip, or shame

Ask for change: new actions or behaviors or speech acts. Offer change in return, if need be. Be assertive, not submissive.

Narcissistic rage has two forms:

I. Explosive – The narcissist flares up, attacks everyone in his immediate vicinity, causes damage to objects or people, and is verbally and psychologically abusive.

II. Pernicious or Passive-Aggressive (P/A) – The narcissist sulks, gives the silent treatment, and is plotting how to punish the transgressor and put her in her proper place. These narcissists are vindictive and often become stalkers. They harass and haunt the objects of their frustration. They sabotage and damage the work and possessions of people whom they regard to be the sources of their mounting wrath.

In 1939, American psychologist John Dollard and four of his colleagues put forth their famous “frustration-aggression hypothesis.” With minor modifications, it fits well the phenomenon of narcissistic rage:

(i)             The narcissists is frustrated in his pursuit of narcissistic supply (he is ignored, ridiculed, doubted, criticized);
(ii)           Frustration causes narcissistic injury;
(iii)         The narcissist projects the “bad object” onto the source of his frustration: he devalues her/it or attributes to her/it malice and other negative traits and behaviours;
(iv)         This causes the narcissist to rage against the perceived “evil entity” that had so injured and frustrated him.

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