Why "Hurting Someone's Feelings" Can Be A Harmful Concept
Channel: Alex Zorach
Date: 2014-08-19

Here I explain why I think the idea of "hurting someone's feelings" can be a harmful concept.  I explain that this way of describing things seems to imply that our actions directly generate emotional responses, whereas I think it is more truthful to acknowledge that people process your actions through their beliefs and thoughts, which then generate their emotional response.

I explain how it can be really problematic to assume that we've done something wrong, just because people get upset in response to something that we've done.  I give the example of turning down someone for sex, and explain how if we believe this, and try avoiding hurting people's feelings at all costs, it allows people to manipulate us with their feelings.  I also mention that because we don't know what is going on inside other people's heads, people can have unexpected emotional responses to our actions or words.

I conclude by saying that I think a better moral compass is to stick to our own value system, and to be respectful and honest when interacting with people, and not assume that we've done anything wrong just because someone else reacts negatively to something we say or do.