Discrepancies of Desire and What Asexuals Can Teach Us - Jo Russell
Channel: Dominic Davies
Date: 2020-03-29

Our clinical associate Jo Russell conducted a valuable study into how Asexuals in relationships with Allosexuals manage desire.  She writes: 'Not tonight Josephine!' How far into a relationship will you be when you discover that you and your partner have a significant difference in levels of sexual desire? For asexual people this discrepancy is likely to be known about from the outset. How and when is this communicated and how can a negotiated solution be found?
What is it like to be the one who doesn't ever really want sex? When should the allosexual partner be told? What if the allosexual partner has their sexual needs met elsewhere - how do the couple manage coming together again? From personal accounts gained through client work, interviews and conversations, we will explore the lived experience of naming and managing significant discrepancies of desire when one of the partners identifies as asexual.
Asexual people, so often erased and invisible, are in a specifically unique position to inform our conversations around discrepancies of desire, and so to inform our practice with all clients.