What are Triggers & and HOW TO communicate and manage them in relationships
Channel: InevitableBliss - with Arial
Date: 05/07/2017

In this relationship coaching video you'll learn what Triggers are & and how to Communicate them Clearly and Peacefully. This relationship advice will improve your friendships, romantic love relationships, family relationships and all other relationships :) The skill of clear communication about triggers will make your relationships more peaceful, and more full of compassion, love, happiness, and ease.


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Communicate your triggers (Youtube title: What are triggers, and how to deal with them in communication?)
 
Something that makes communication very messy often without both of you even noticing what it was, are triggers. Let’s quickly recapture: what are triggers? Sometimes when something happens you might feel a stronger emotion than you would rationally expect yourself to feel given the situation.
 
For example, the partner with whom you live together asks you to clean up your dirty clothes that are lying around on the floor of the bedroom. Although you think it is a reasonable request, you feel super rejected, sad and angry at the same time. All you want to do is throw the clothes into their face and scream ‘NO!’. Seems extreme, right? But maybe you can remember that when you were a child, your mother would often complain about the mess in your bedroom, calling you a ‘dirty sloth’ and denying you dinner unless you would clean up. Now this suddenly makes your emotional reaction understandable, although it’s still a reasonable request from your partner to clean up a bit.
 
So a trigger is a current situation that reminds you of pain from the past that’s still unresolved. 
 
How to manage your triggers? Feelings are always valid. So don’t ever make yourself or another person wrong for your or their feelings. Try to not act on them in a way that harms the other person though. Instead of lashing out at them, which would be killing the messenger, share that you are feeling emotionally triggered.
 
In this example, you might say: ‘I do think it’s reasonable that you ask me to clean up. But at the moment I feel very triggered because my mother would be very abusive towards me whenever my bedroom was messy. I feel sadness, anger and I feel rejected.’ Notice that it’s just communication about what’s going on inside you, there’s no finger pointing. The other person did not hurt you, you were already hurt, and this person just reminded you of that unresolved pain that you can now take a look at and heal.
 
Clear, peaceful communication about your triggers like this will likely make the other person feel more compassionate towards you, and give you support to feel what you’re feeling. The only thing that a trigger needs to be healed, is enough awareness of it. If you feel a need for something, like the other person telling you that it’s just about the clothes and that you don’t have to feel rejected, or if you just want a hug, ask for it. The trigger might occur more often, just be aware of what’s happening, don’t lose yourself in acting out on it, and you’ll see that gradually as you keep loving your own heart whenever the trigger shows up, the past loses its power over you.
 
The other way around can happen as well. When someone you’re in a relationship with seems to become disproportionately upset, they likely got triggered. If they lash out at you, don’t take it personally. Do draw clear boundaries if the other person treats you badly. Otherwise, you can just make clear what you think is going on in a peaceful way. You can say for example, ‘I see you are really upset and I want to support you. Do you think you’re really feeling this just because of what I did, or is there maybe more underneath it?’
 
You see that the red line of the clear communication story is still: talk, talk, talk. As this will build a bridge between your inside and the other person’s inside.


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In the whole free lesson on Clear Communication you learn:

- How to clearly communicate all that's happening inside of you
- How to clearly communicate your desires
- How to clearly communicate your no's
- How to clearly communicate your triggers
- How to become a team with the person you're in relationship with

You can find this whole Clear Communication lesson for Free on this link:
https://inevitablebliss.com/course/fulfilling-relationships-i/lessons/4-kickstart-clear-communication/

Click here for a free lesson on Self-Love, also beautiful! :
https://inevitablebliss.com/course/fulfilling-relationships-i/lessons/2-cultivate-self-love/

Or Start the Course right at the Start, (the first lessons are all on free-preview) by going to this link:
https://inevitablebliss.com/course/fulfilling-relationships-i/lessons/introduction/

All relationship advice from this relationship skills course, Fulfilling Relationship I, is suitable for monogamous as well as polyamorous relationships, and also for non-romantic relationships.

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