♫ The Ballad of Bathrobe Man and Skull Boy ♫
Channel: Jonathan Mann
Date: 2015-07-09

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Bathrobe Man and Skull Boy
Knew they needed all the facts
So they met one night in Tulsa 
And they forged themselves a pact
They’d follow every lead
No matter where it goes
They’d expose an evil villain 
And be celebrated as heroes

Their fellowship was powerful
And the money freely flowed
They started making phone calls 
And then they hit the road
They signed no contracts
For there was no need
They were bound together
By a common enemy

And everyone’s a hero
In the stories that they tell
And their monologues get longer
On the road to hell

Bathrobe man paid his rent
Skull Boy he bought a car
They interviewed a lawyer
Who’d been disbarred
They interviewed experts
In search of the truth
Exotic dancers and journalists
They got testimony and they got proof

They had done their diligence 
They’d uncovered every sin
But they needed more money
So they asked again
Bathrobe man was the finger
Skull Boy was the thumb
A storm was a brewing
Just beyond the horizon

And everyone’s a hero
In the stories that they tell
And their monologues get longer
On the road to hell

There was a wealthy donor
That Bathrobe Man hated
He was a friend of Skull Boy’s
Tensions escalated 
Skull Boy said to Bathrobe Man
“You’re a beta mangina cuck
You’re a crazy sonofabitch
And your music sucks.”

Bathrobe man proclaimed
From his bathtub of solitude,
“Skullboy went too far this time
Our partnership was through.”
Skullboy was nearly broke
So he couldn’t say, “See you later!”
He convinced Bathrobe man
To meet with a mediator 

And everyone’s a hero
In the stories that they tell
And their monologues get longer
On the road to hell

For a time all was quiet
The truce had seemed to work
Suddenly a thunderbolt
And they both went berserk
Skullboy getting greedy
Didn’t want to get a job
His car needed to be repaired
He said, “I don’t want this ride to stop.”

Bathrobe Man was furious
He called Skullboy a liar
Skullboy and the mediator
Set Bathrobe Man on fire
Last I saw any of them
They were strangling each other with 
USB cables and fishing line
Tumbling over a cliff

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