When Narcissist Says "I Love You" - What Does It Mean to Him?
Channel: Prof. Sam Vaknin
Date: 2022-01-03

Mislabeling and misidentifying internal dynamics is a common cognitive distortion among cluster B patients. 

Self-deceiving mental artifacts and self-gaslighting are the hallmarks of several personality disorders, including Narcissistic and Borderline.

Consider, for example the interpersonal dimension.

The personality disordered are totally incapable of any intimacy and of any emotions whatsoever in sex and, more generally, with people.

They habitually confuse 

dependency, 

limerence, 

novelty, 

infatuation (rush), 

exhibitionism, 

masochism, 

defiance, 

competitiveness, 

possessiveness, 

neediness, connection,

and people pleasing 

with love and intimacy. 

These, of course, are not the same things, not by a long shot. Actually, they are the antonyms of love and intimacy.

It FEELS like emotions and intimacy to these patients because they know no better and no different.

When they attempt to identify and label their dim stirrings, they simply resort to the vocabulary of healthier, normal folk. But this linguistic sleight of hand doesn’t make it so, needless to say.

Low tolerance for uncertainty, a tendency to catastrophize, and generalized anxiety often result in addictive or obsessive-compulsive behaviors intended to either suppress the discomfort or ritually fend off “bad things”, respectively.

Obsession-compulsion and addiction also involve dissociation either as a cause or as an effect. This is why obsessive-compulsives check time and again whether they had locked the door and why addicts have such patchy memories.

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