Binge-eating relapse and recovery
Channel: Andrew Hicks
Date: 2021-02-21

The downward spiral was obvious. It was in November when I started burning out pretty hard. Felt myself slipping back into old coping mechanisms with overeating. 

I immediately looked up a therapist and made an appointment but couldn't get in until January. Kinda pissed me off. Gave me more than a month to get myself deeper into the shit.

And deeper in I went. Some occasional overeating incidents turned back into binge-eating. Which suuuuuuucked.

I can't fully explain what happened, but I can say what part of it was: I lost weight too quickly. I thought that may have been the case for a while, but it didn't start to feel disorienting psychologically until I reached a certain point. And my mind was like, "Hold your horses, buster."

In a way, I honestly think it's possible that this last month of binge-eating was some part of me's effed up way of restoring balance from the rapid weight loss. It wasn't a pretty process, and there was a lot of pain involved on multiple levels, and a loss of control I never hoped to experience again in my life.

But as long as I can get back on track and proceed on my fitness journey in a balanced way, perhaps it was for the best? We'll see.

Fun fact about binge-eating. So part of my excuse to keep doing it was, "Well, crap, I gave in with this one thing I liked. I may as well pig out on all the things I used to like before this is done," and then I went on a world tour of junk food. 

Anyway. My run this morning was inspiring. I'm going to do like two Zoom recovery meetings a day for a couple weeks or so (they help me stay stable when I get into the evenings and my mind gets tired and wonky, so two a day is good for getting back in the groove). I've got a lot of inspiring reading material. Steps to work. All that shit. 

Wish me luck.