Narcissist’s Real Mother and YOU (Mahler’s Separation-Individuation)
Channel: Prof. Sam Vaknin
Date: 2023-08-04

Mother of origin is source of frustration, hurt, shame, and rage, often unconsciously. She mortifies the narcissist.

Mother is illegitimate target of aggression, so he redirect it at mother substitutes. Tries to accomplish separation by proxy and thus become (individuate).

Individuation is not about becoming an adult, but about becoming an individual with boundaries, self, and ego (one of whose functions is reality testing). 

Reframes primary object by splitting: she is either all good (martyr) or all bad (evil). Correspondingly, he is either all bad (grandiose monster) or all good (grandiose victim). 

Margret Mahler's theory of separation-individuation explored in depth.

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