Rapping About Death Of A Loved One... Loss Of Me [Studio Version]
Channel: REALGroupStation
Date: 15/07/2021

Download "Loss Of Me" here:
https://realgroupstation.bandcamp.com/track/loss-of-me

"Back in 2014, I wrote one song called "Loss Of Me."  If I had to rate 2009-2014, the worst 5 years of my life, 2014 was my worst year in psychosis and depression.  The psychiatrist refused to alter my medication and due to her ignorance I have had 3 hospitalizations, 1 partial hospitalization, a 90 day group home, and a rash that could of killed me, all in a year, but she refused to look at it and treat me how I felt like I should have been treated and medicated.  In the end after 1 year of hell, she wanted nothing to do with me and suggested I find a different psychiatrist.  Guys if you are suffering, please find a good psychiatrist, this can change your world, however, they are not the boss of your life, you are, so be responsible and take action.   Your inaction is going to cost you many years of pain.  If something works great, great, but if it doesn't keep trying.  It took me 30 different meds to find the right combination and I am still tweaking it till this day after 7 hospitalizations for 1 suicide attempt and 6 different suicidal ideation crisises.  Most importantly speak up in a calm matter but be affirmative, you have a right to know what's going on, what is going inside your body.  Get to know yourself best and make an informed decision.  A psychiatrist is their to aid you so you can life a quality life, not to make your life worst, so if you feel that way, please try to find a psychiatrist that is willing to listen to you.  Be mindful, if you are anti medication and they prescribe medication, please try it first before you make a rash decision, it saved me from committing suicide, and likely live a higher quality of life.

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"Loss Of Me"

Intro:

Yeah, it's TraVisT 
These terrors haunting me
I can't seem to explain
why I creep with endless pain

Verse:

These nightmares seem to break me so
Of my dad leaving while I live below
Can't seem to shake it, or fake it, no
One day his spirit will be leaving cold

What do I do to end the pain?
His death seems to haunt me when I sleep insane
What is the right mind frame
To eliminate this blood forsaken shame?
You can break these thoughts one minute
But then the next minute you feel a limit

It bothers me a lot, cause I know I don't pull to hot
But it seems to be just empty slots
Or a lace that can't be taught
While a spiritual body seems to rot

So caught in a spiral of a tortured soul
I am overburdened now, living in one stricken hellhole
I am in a mess with no common goal

I get these nightmares crying of his death
I don't know why but I know I wake feeling pretty upset
It's these nights that give me the frights
And its the days that scare me and keep me afraid
While I continuously wonder what these thoughts begin to say
Is there something wrong with how I think?
Is this stinking thinkin' that seems to put me in a kink?
I don't quite care, all I want is some relief, 
so I can find my peace and I swear it no defeat

Chorus [x2]:

Verse:

It seems to be that the feelings take charge
Misguiding a direction while you are left in scars
With the idea to make an income possesses the best results
You are left with burdens that bring assaults

Your father has paid your ways, and a girlfriend likes you and is willing to stay
But she can't replace your dad, and maybe that is so sad
You just need to figure things out soon, so you're not sitting in drabs

Maybe find a job to keep your head up, you are broke son, and you feel you don't have enough
Jesus can't pay your bills, insurance or repairs,
The house will deteriorate if you just don't even care

But you can try to numb the pain and ease the dread
Grow up a bit and maybe even feel ahead
Just find the courage, so your not feeling red

What motivates you is your dad's death,
But he is still here, living and breathing
What is happening is your mind is cheating
Unable to figure it out and you lose control
You feel being a child is who you sold

So you are having trouble moving on
You seem to bitch and moan to your girlfriend
why doesn't the misery ever end?
You say she is not enough, yet at the same time, you can't leave it rough

There seems to be some issues with your brother,
he is telling you stay creative, the other shit you just don't even bother
You could always be in the moment but then your mind trails in the future
And that is one scar that can never ever be sutured

It is a depressing scenario and cause of events
when you act like a child living with your rents
Therapy and Voc rehab seems to be the cure
But I guess my mind is something that cannot adhere

Being a disabled man, with a bipolar disorder
Leaves your mind fickled as a difficult hoarder
But spin a quarter, and drop that order
A man cannot take back another man who's beyond the border
Sometimes I feel homeless in a home and I begin to cry
But what is odd is the light out there often just hurts my eyes

Chorus [x1]: