Signs Narcissist About to Discard, Devalue You
Channel: Prof. Sam Vaknin
Date: 2022-07-29

Signs of imminent devaluation and discard by the narcissist:

Emotional absence, indifference, and coldness

Affected “civility”

Constant criticism and denigration

Passive-aggression

Unfavorable comparisons

Setting you up for failure and misconduct

Paranoid ideation and pathological jealousy

Sudden secret actions (financial or romantic)

Public disparagement and humiliation, also with common children

Sex withholding or degradation

Cessation of all joint activities, especially of a social nature

Pervasive distrust and micromanagement
 
Discard reenacts unresolved separation phase. 

Individuation depends on devaluation (in order to preserve grandiosity and exit the shared fantasy) and externalization-projection (reversal of internalization-introjection). When either of these two processes fails, hoovering results.

So, emotionally, discard precedes devaluation. The narcissist hangs on to his partner only in order to complete the devaluation. 

Devaluation resembles also the separation phase in adolescence: reactance (defiance), contempt, distancing, negative identity formation, approach-avoidance. 

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