Narcissist Uses You (Starts 16:20): Unfinished Mommy Splitting
Channel: Prof. Sam Vaknin
Date: 2020-10-21

Topic Starts 16:20. In early childhood, borderlines and narcissists fail to split the “dead mother” into good and bad objects or “breasts” (because she is all bad), so they split themselves instead (into a true self which is all bad, and a false self which is all good).

The narcissist tries to complete the early failed maternal splitting with his intimate partner (repetition compulsion) in three stages: 1. She is all good (idealization), he is all bad; 2. Co-idealization (if she is good, he must be good, too); and 3. Introjection (internalization/incorporation of the partner) which render him all good.

The narcissist constantly tests his intimate partner in order to make sure that she is, indeed, all good (an outcome of post-traumatic hypervigilance). 

When she invariably and inevitably fails his tests, he reverses course: she is now all bad. To avoid narcissistic injury to his grandiose false self and to avoid co-devaluation – he discards her promptly.

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