The Path to Healthy Ego Reality Tester vs Neurotic therapy quick fix Toxic Super Ego 2/18/23
Channel: Visceral Gravitas
Date: 2024-03-11

excerpt from Visceral Gravitas Community zoom group 2/18/23   #VGCommunity
Community discussion forum https://www.visceralgravitas.com
Local Washington DC area In person community & online Zoom meetings https://www.meetup.com/HealingNPDabuse
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transcript:
so the question was about mature defenses or the question was what is it 
is it possible 
wondering what it looks like what it feels like what 

ultimately you're building an ego that's a reality tester 
mental health is going to reinforce super ego toxic superego 
which is reinforcing denial and fantasy 

because the therapists and the experts are going to give you prescriptions that are short-sighted and meet your emotional need 
and the prescriptions are shortcuts where the super ego controls your behavior and controls everybody else's behavior 
and then you have to set boundaries forever and ever and then if you're a good narcissist then you can enjoy eating other people's boundaries that's how 
that's what they're teaching 
maybe they don't even know it maybe they're possessed but they're teaching people to enjoy setting boundaries and running over other people's boundaries 
that's a super ego pathology 
that's a toxic super ego that's a God complex 
because it's exhausting playing God 
long term you have the fun but you got to keep enforcing it it's a lifetime job 

boundaries very important 

so the alternative is now 
this is a hard spin 
the spin is that you have to stop judging defenses 
and going a little deeper in resolving the conflict 
resolving the conflict
the conflict right now resolved by splitting 
and when we resolve the conflict by splitting 
you project it onto a third party and you act out the repetition compulsion 
and it just never ends because the person you're projecting on doesn't have the script 
they don't know how to finish the story 
and you're giving them a script to reject you or to keep it going 
so you're not even giving them a script to finish the repetition compulsion 

so if you can change your mindset to integrate the conflict 
then the defense drops 
then the repetition compulsion drops 
there's no more need to act out the split anymore 
because the conflict is integrated 
the memory is processed 
the hate allowed him to feel the emotions underneath the hate grief sadness and guilt 
expressing and feeling that grief sadness guilt 
those core emotions reverses the denial, reverses the devoicing, reconnects the voice, reintegrates it 

but if you're hanging around therapists and yourself and other sadomasochists that are self-hating 
they're policing anger 
so any sort of authentic expression that will get to the sadness and the grief, gets quashed, gets smashed, gets denied 

so you have to change the mindset to meet the need 
but you have to allow space for hatred and anger and conflict 

see unaddressed guilt is the engine 
so if you can feel the guilt then self- punishment has no fuel 

if you can feel the guilt express it integrate it 
self-punishment disappears 
self-hate has no more purpose 
now that self-punishment, can be directed on something more useful 
like other punishment or new punishment? I don't know ...
Stop wasting it on old patterns!