Hatebombing: Malignant Narcissist’s Inverted Shared Fantasy (Odd Couples Series)
Channel: Prof. Sam Vaknin
Date: 2024-02-21

Locus of grandiosity of malignant (psychopathic) and sadistic narcissists is their invulnerability, unemotionality, flat attachment, rigidity, and heartless cruelty (disguised as altruism, if prosocial).

They are transactional:

To the narcissist, all people are useful tools (in both senses of the word) or collateral damage. The impact the narcissist is having on people’s lives, for better or for worse, is a mere by-product or a side effect of his/her pursuit of grandiosity-affirming narcissistic, sadistic, or self-supply. 

Do you care about me? Narcissist: I do. You are useful to me. But, don’t you have emotions for me? N: I don’t do emotions. I do relationship maintenance. I do business: give and take. So, why stay in touch? N: I owe you. I repay my debts. Plus, you could still be useful. 

Their shared fantasy is inverted; they start with hatebombing, devaluation and discard (the whole point of the fantasy), mixed with negative idealization (mythological demonization). So, their fantasies are extremely short, nasty, and brutal.

In rare cases, when the potential partner is also a malignant or sadistic narcissist, they become codependent or borderline, though still manifesting dysregulated abuse and coercive behaviors. 

In such inverted shared fantasies, they transition to the role of a victim, letting the counterparty initiate the separation by betraying them (betrayal fantasy). 

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