Why I Avoid Guilt Trips and Deliberate Shaming
Channel: Alex Zorach
Date: 2014-09-11

Here I explain why I think guilt and shame are complex emotions, dangerous in a sense.  They can be useful, if they get people to stop doing things that harm others, but they also can be destructive or counter productive.

I give two examples why: cycles of guilt, which can actually lead a person to continue an unhealthy behavior, and people being shamed or made to feel guilty in situations where they didn't do anything wrong.

I conclude that because shame and guilt are dangerous, I avoid ever deliberately setting out to guilt trip someone or shame them, and instead I focus on helping them to realize the ways in which their actions are harming others, and expressing that I want them to stop.  I explain that what matters in the end is not whether or not the person feels bad, but whether or not the person stops the harmful behavior, so I want to focus directly on stopping the harmful behavior.