Visual Hallucinations II - Subliminal Visions - Day 29 of "100 Symptoms"
Channel: nednednerB the Schizophrenic
Date: 2019-04-27

What is there to see: out of the corner of my eye?
My schizophrenic brain barely sees something, but quite often...

In my first video on Visual Hallucinations I commented on the fact that they are more common in teenage onset psychosis. I had hallucinations when I was 17-18 in the psych ward that were extreme. I saw whole people and physical objects. Nurses saw me interacting with objects that were not present. Later at 21 years old and in the psych ward again, I still hallucinated whole people.

However, there is another class of visual hallucinations that have been common between hospitalizations. They are better described as "subliminal." They appear out of the corner of my eye, and that is to say, literally! Very often I have an apprehension like something just appeared and that I saw something in the periphery. However, when I cast my glance in the suspect direction, usually nothing is there.

Usually, this experience parcels with a feeling like something weird is there, and I feel a slight shock and disturbance by the imagined thing's presence. These days I rarely perceive something explicitly visually that turns out to not have been real. Instead, I see things in my periphery.

I do believe in a period of acute psychosis, this periphery of hallucination could take the centre stage of sensations. That's how John Nash's story is told. He was the famous mathematician with schizophrenia whose story was shared in the film A Beautiful Mind.

In that movie, Nash's hallucinations are imagined by the cinema as literally beside him being ignored, being suppressed. The apparitions are present still, long after psychosis, but they are not as forceful and extreme to Nash himself. They are somehow placed into the periphery where medication and redirection of his attention keep them at bay.

This is what I mean by saying I still hallucinate visually but that the visions are subliminal. Hopefully that's where they stay!

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I have schizophrenia every day. Even though I was diagnosed in early 2000s, I experience and manage symptoms daily. So here are "100 Symptoms!"

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