"Don't Touch My Junk, Bro!" Body Scanning Airport Blues
Channel: PuppetsTonight
Date: 2010-11-23

The Alien from Puppets Tonight sings about his fateful full body scan experience at the airport security screening checkpoint in "Don't Touch My Junk Bro Body Scanning Airport Blues"  No pat down for him or John Tyner! Thanks, TSA!  Full body scan in airports!  This viral video is sure to please! _Z-C8NU3SVM

LYRICS:

I was standing in a long line, headed toward my plane.
And even though we were moving slowly, I hadn't yet complained.
When I got to the front, I was asked by a big man,
"What do you want today, the grope or the scan?"
Now I'm extremely sensitive about strangers touching me,
So I opted for a full body scan and anonymity.
The scan was no big deal; I'd made the right decision.
I walked ahead to board my plane without the least derision.
After dinner with my family we watched the evening news.
They were discussing airport security measures and sharing all their
views.
Then suddenly they showed scan pictures right on my TV screen.
I turned quite white, was feeling faint, and my wife began to scream.
We knew for sure  simultaneously that the scan was one of me.
We recognized it without a doubt because of my anomaly.
Next the smiling female news anchor announced for one and all,
"This scan is truly amazing.  You can see he has three balls.
Well I'm suing NBC, and I'm suing the TSA
Since they caused me pain and suffering, now they're gonna pay.
The moral to my story, the moral to my tale
Is next time you cross the country, you ought to ride the rails.
You ought to ride the rails; yes you ought to ride the rails.
Next time you cross the country, you ought to ride the rails.