Alfred Ladylike - Wizards Rule (open mic performance)
Channel: AlfredLadylike
Date: 2023-06-17

Wizards Rule by Alfred Ladylike, live at the Golden Mic #29 at Al Hamra, Berlin, Germany, May 24, 2023.

Song by Alfred Ladylike, backing track produced by Josh Gura

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lyrics:
Is this even possible?
Is it probable?
Is it gonna happen cause it's unstoppable?
Am I topable? Well, would you rock a bull?
Well, would ya?

It's a rap battle of wit wisdom and wizardry
Gotta check it out so I'm sneaking surreptitiously
Into Wizard Cit-t-ty - zap-zap - my chapeau claque
ricochets the first attack, abracadancing on the slack

I sing visciously, pull the string deliciously
Simon thinks he's gonna make the place all blizzardy
Then Finn comes in but he's messed up on the femme brûlée
That human should’a been disqualified anyway
Hey, them's the rules. Wizard Battle is for Wizards only,
fools!

Wizards Rule
I'm gonna beat you in a wizard duel
And send you back to wizard school
This game is wizards only, fool

Elements ablaze, a luminous haze, ethereal rays
Incantations off the walls, I must be tripping Mozart balls
A little elf comes up and summons his deck of cards
He got the fairy tarot, draws the Arrow and the Bard

Suddenly divinity, a flash lights up the whole arena
It’s the serenest, leanest magic man I ever seena
Even Baskin Robbins couldn’t handle that array of flavors
I’m bouncing over to it, casting sparks and triplet quavers

snack upon a demon heart, conjure up a ninja fart
sakura petals and pink smoke, a sparkle cloud
wear it like a mystic shroud, wizard vines that touch the ground
cloak and dagger reach around, oh my Glob, it’s spirit-bound!
oh my Glob, it’s spirit-bound!

Wizards rule
I get the power from my wizard jewel
And I puff a little wizard fuel
That’s how I keep it wizard cool

woah…

the final showdown, only two contestants stand alone
it goes down hard, like the violin on Bach’s chaconne
in the enchanted zone, I flex my magic bone
our gazes meet, turn down the volume of the battledrome

my spells are tight, flowing at unreasonable bpms
I’m rhyming right, got the booku-spooku requiem
which you evade then drizzle your fine graybles
down my back and all over my mind ladle

What is this sorcery? Do you mean to torture me?
Did you get this potion from Ron James’ bootleg alchemy?

Hey, what the math! You can’t use quantum entanglement
In a wizard tournament. Our particles are getting bent!
Where’d all the magic went? I was just about to get
the highest level of arcane ascension and by extension
put you away in the dimension of eternal detention
by the way, did I mention…that

Wizards Rule
I got an arsenal of wizard tools
Writing the finest licks in all of Ooo
I bet you wish you was a wizard too – keep it tight

Because these magical skills don't pay the physical bills
So I'll be translating chapters of the Enchiridion
Charge by the word and I heard it's pretty long
You design a website for the magic association
Help them out with search engine optimization

And wrangle up the trolls on the wizard forum
To ensure that they demonstrate the proper decorum

What kind of decorum is that?
I don’t know, I haven’t figured it out yet

Get me to Ron James’ Alchemy Palace
Gimme that potion, in a chalice
Give me the Ron James’ alchemy magic
With cold spells like NO spells
And mountains of madness

Gimme that magic
Gimme that madness
That Ron James’ magic
and I gotta have it

Gimme that madness
Gimme that magic
That Ron James' magic
And I gotta have it