Nurses: Find a Nursing Mentor
Channel: EmpoweRN
Date: 08/05/2017

I remember the first patient that died on my shift so vividly. It was around 3 am and I had a strange feeling about him. His blood pressure was going up, so I was communicating with the doctor about that. Also, he was becoming more confused, but the doctor said that he regularly gets confused at night. When the telemetry technician called me to tell me that the patient’s heart rate was dropping, I already knew. As soon as I got to the room I noticed that my patient was already blue. I think he had been in pulseless electrical activity (PEA) for a while. 
I sort of freaked out and ran outside of the hallway and call for help as well as saying code blue (verbally); I was new, give me a break.
After everything was done and the time of death was announced, I remember looking at his lifeless body as another nurse helped me clean him. I remember thinking how it just seems so strange that we come here in a body, but sure can’t leave with it. I also remember trying to think about what type of person he was and what he did with the time he had here. 
Which made me start thinking about my time and what I’m doing with my life. You have probably heard Steve Jobs famous commencement speech, where he refers to death as a good thing, because it allows the young a chance to live. When I think about it like that though, I feel like that is limited thinking. To simplify, it seems like there are only so many opportunities and for some to move up, others must die. I have to be honest, I’m not 100% sure where I am going with this email, but I guess writing down my thoughts is sort of therapeutic. So, thank you for reading. 
Anyways, for sure; our time is limited so make the present count.
See you next week my love!
~Caroline
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