Shy/Quiet Borderline “Diagnosis”, Reality vs. Phantasy/Fantasy
Channel: Prof. Sam Vaknin
Date: 2023-12-23

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WATCH Narcissist: When Reality is Just a Dream (Ego's Reality Testing) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R77ofZW99LE

“SHY” or “QUIET” BPD vs. CLASSICAL BPD

I reject the “diagnosis” of shy borderline. All borderlines are sometimes shy and introverted ("act in") and sometimes act out aggressively. 

Someone who is “shy” ALL the time is not a borderline. She is either a covert narcissist or has CPTSD.

REALITY vs. FANTASY

Impaired reality testing is not the same as no reality testing. Fantasy is not a hallucination: fantasy borrows elements from reality and builds around them.

The narcissist, borderline, paranoid, schizotypal cannot tell the difference between reality and fantasy because they share elements, have a lot in common.

NPD fantasy is infantile (phantasy). In the absence of a fully constellated and integrated self and ego, the fantasy is limited to self-regulation via cognitive distortion and to the resolution of early childhood conflicts (separation-individuation). All the rest is intact. 

BPD fantasy involves external regulation and outsources ego functions.

When fantasy fails in NPD the outcome is shame dysregulation and mortification, when it fails in BPD the outcomes are dysregulation and lability. 

In NPD shared fantasy, the partner is unreal (internal object). In BPD shared fantasy the partner is hyperreal. Borderlines perceive themselves and their lives as Unreal (dissociation). This is why borderlines cling, hoover ferociously, won’t let go. They leverage every opportunity and contact to reconstitute the shared fantasy. Example: We all seek closure. But borderlines abuse this quest in order to hook you yet again.

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