The Anti-Nativity
Channel: rozeboosje
Date: 2012-12-21

Or "How Gary Almost Cancelled Christmas" (text below)

Story, poem and reading by Pino Carafa (rozeboosje)
Audio remixing, visuals and editing by Qntkka (T.J. Marcott)

Original Audio: http://www.carobit.com/Antinativity.MP3

It was cold, wet and dreary in old Galilee
but Gary Inmendham was hopping with glee
Which was rare as he normally sulked all day long
so to see him so happy just looked really wrong

To snap Gary out of just being a dick
must be the result of a pretty good trick
Whatever it was, he no longer looked peeved
but content in the glow of what he had achieved

And soon the extent of his mischief was clear
A few months ago our Gary ... oh dear
Had gotten a man known as Joseph SO pissed
that he got him to turn antinatalist

He got Joe so sloshed he was violently sick
and happy to go to a shady clinic
What he didn't know was that he, during that trip
ended up getting sober ... but also the snip

So Gaz was elated, yea almost demented
as he thought Christianity had been prevented
With Jesus removed he thought he could do well
and AN might become a much easier sell

But God thought "you bastard, I'll have you for that!
Tricking poor Joseph, that gullible prat.
If you think that that stunt will scupper my plan
you silly old bastard should just think again!

So God sent old Gaybo, the Angel of Death,
with a vial and a plunger, to do IVF
And while she did not know what could be the matter
Joseph's wife Mary got fatter and fatter

And soon Gary saw this and stopped having fun
as he worked out what that sneaky God must have done
"Well up yours" he thought as Mary got fatter
"if you can do tricks, well, then I can do better"

So he went down to Joe's in his trusty old banger
and poked at his wife with a rusty coathanger
Despite his incompetence he did succeed
and happily left after that dirty deed

And thus Gary ruined by being so mean
a perfectly decent Nativity scene
No longer a picture of bliss and of joy
It just ain't the same without that little boy

Mary and Joseph are staring forlorn
At a crib that is empty as no-one was born
So sad that they don't even hear Gary scoff
"fuck Jesus, the lad is now much better off"

The Oxen did hear him but headbutts the walls
too scared to attack, he has not got the balls
the Ass stares at Gary with ill disguised hate
"I know that you are the one who got me spayed"

Gary, however, did get his reward
when the sheep all went feral and ripped out his heart
From his stem cells they did make a new embryo
And got Mary and Joseph to have one more go

And lo and behold, Mary got big again
and we all know how that bit of the story ends
This prequel to that story was never told
but now you all know how that came to unfold!





Dear Santa,
I have been a very naughty boy.
I would like a lightsaber for Christmas.
Thank you Santa
Pino