Hole in the Head
Channel: ShavaSue
Date: 31/03/2012

Master Berwyn Æthelbryght of Ackley singing a filk by Master Bertram of Bearington at the post-revel. Tune is the music from the dance "Hole in the Wall". Performed at Bardic Madness XXII in the Shire of Rokeclif in the Kingdom of Northshield, March 24, 2012.

HOLE IN THE HEAD by Master Bertram of Bearington    
Sung to the tune of the dance "Hole in the Wall"
 
If a la-ay-dy or lord, takes the path of rat-tan sword,
Once you put'em in armor -- they find out...
That their pulse it will quicken, and their skin it will thicken,
Once they put on a helm -- their brains fall out!
How else can you explain their -- cur-i-uh-ous be-hav-ior,
When they pick up a stick and pra-ance a-bout?
Look-ing like they have had a few,
'Cause they've lowered their I.I.Q.,
Once they put on a helm -- their brains fall out!
 
If a lord takes a journey -- wins his kingdom's Crown Tourney,
Once he's done with the fi-nals -- he'll find out,
Though his bod-y is ti-red, more will soon be re-qui-red,
Once he puts on the crown -- his brains fall out!
Class-ic case of the "stu-pies" -- kings and all of their groupies,
Leave the ladies in waiting to find out...
That he's not a Plantagenet,
Rather more of a space cadet,
Once he puts on the crown -- his brains fall out!
 
If a lady gets going -- in the habit of sewing,
Once she's done with her outfit, she'll find out...
That it surely will look fine -- if it's got a low neck-line,
Once she puts on the gown her ________ fall out!
And, one plus I should mention -- ev'ry male pays attention,
It can be fun to see their eyes -- bug out...
Lords simply watch and wait,
(Pairs beat a flush or straight)...
Once she puts on the gown her _________ fall out!
 
If a gentle gets knighted, is his lady delighted?
Friends, I pray listen closely -- please don't scoff,
For knights' ladies have oft felt -- with his chain and his white belt,
Once he puts on his spurs his ________s fall off!
Knights must think it's exciting -- trading sex in for fighting,
Or at least that's the tale that's spread a-bout...
But I doubt its ver-a-ci-ty
Know-ing knightly ca-pa-ci-ty
When it's time for romance their spurs fall off!