Unforgiving Narcissist Hoovers to Revenge, Holds Grudges
Channel: Prof. Sam Vaknin
Date: 2024-03-05

Transgressions in shared fantasy space are mostly arbitrary, inconsistent, and imaginary.

Relationship management tool: reflects changes in perception of perpetrator and of self.

Reconstitution of grandiosity: Omnipotence: Inadmissibility of losing or being outwitted.

Reconstitution of grandiosity:  Omniscient Infallibility: always right.

Righteous, anankastic indignation for moral injury (high moral ground, morality play): establishing blame, irreversibility of harm or damage.

Restorative justice and equity (reparations, restitution, amends).

Punitive vengeance: vindication.

Reasserting control.

Deterrence (behavior modification) and reputational costs of forgiving (appearing weak and vulnerable).

External solution to narcissistic mortification: severe consequences, part of pattern, inexcusable, immoral, gratuitous (mean, cruel), victim loses more than perpetrator gains (magnitude gap), disproportional.

Rumination, obsession, victimhood.

Grudge Theory (Roy Baumeister, Julie Exline, Kristin Sommer)

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