Now I Must Grieve (excerpt from Gunnar’s Daughter by Sigrid Undset)
Channel: Alejandro Selin
Date: 2019-10-14

Words: Sigrid Undset (Englished by Alfred Knopf), excerpt from chapter 33 of Gunnar’s Daughter
Images: Alejandro Selin, shot at Lake Champlain

“It seems to me an unwise thing, kinsman, to stay by yourself up here on the heath, when you have this case on your hands with Sigurd Beineson and his kinsmen. It would be a great grief for Leikny if she were to lose you, and your sons are still so young.”

Ljot sat with his head leaning against the wall; he answered: “I don’t reckon them so highly as to go well attended for their sake. And I know that my death will not come from them. I know one who wished me the worst of deaths—but I believe we shall meet before that. And then I care little what else may happen.”

“What is this you talk of?” asked Veterlide.

But Ljot made him no answer. After a while he spoke again: “Maybe it were better for Leikny if she were left a widow while still young enough to console herself.”

“Then you know little of her spirit,” replied Veterlide. “I do not believe she would take any husband after you, so highly does she honour those she loves.”

Ljot sat in silence as before. Veterlide went on: “You know well that you would not find such a wife as yours if you searched over all the world.”

“That is true,” answered Ljot. “But I love the black spot she had between her breasts more than all Leikny’s beauty. I loved her more when she struck at my throat with her knife than I love Leikny when she puts her arms about my neck. I was less sorrowful as I rode over Dovre in wintry weather thinking of her curses than when I ride to Skomedal knowing that Leikny will meet me with kind words at our door. I would rather be hugged in the clutch of the white bear than think of Kaare holding her in his embrace.”

To this Veterlide answered in great wrath: “You have acted ill, kinsman—and worst of all when you did not speak of this before you were betrothed.”

“Yes,” said Ljot; “but then I thought I could put her out of my mind if I were once married. But now I see that, badly as I treated her, it was even worse for myself. For now I must grieve, as long as I live, that I possessed the fair maid and lost her.”