What is an IELTS Band 9 Model Answer for Writing Task 2?
Channel: Fiona Wattam
Date: 2021-03-13

My students asked me to analyse some online IELTS Task 2 essays labelled 'Model' and 'Band 9', to see if they were really Band 9 and if they were Model essays.

In this video, I examine 3 examples and compare them with what I believe to be a 'Model Essay'.

Get the full details and model answer on my website:
https://ieltsetc.com/2021/03/ielts-band-9-sample-essay-charity/

Some people believe that charities should help people in need no matter where those people are in the world. Others feel that these organizations should only serve the people living in the country where they are based.

Discuss both sides and give your own view.

Learn more about how the key features of a Band 9 essay on my website:
https://ieltsetc.com/2021/03/ielts-task-2-band-9-essay-ceos/

00:14 – What is a Model Answer? Does it need to be perfect?
01:44 – Should you rewrite the question in the introduction?

Model ‘Band 9’ Essay 1

00:00 - What is a Band 9 Model IELTS Essay?
02:16 – Problems with the introduction (mechanical rewriting)
03.25 – The score does not depend on just one line (obviously!) but first impressions count.
03:42 – The writer’s opinion is clear in the introduction (good).
03:55 – Don’t start with ‘For a start’ (too informal – use a topic sentence to introduce the paragraph e.g. ‘There are many reasons why people believe that charities should extend their activities. 
04:17 – Don’t repeat the Intro opinion in the first line of the paragraph (repetition).
04:38 – Don’t make general predictions without any evidence to back them up. Use hedging instead. ‘Firstly it COULD help build BETTER relations and HELP remove obstacles’.
05:21 – Avoid idiomatic language unless you’re 100% sure it’s accurate and appropriate for the context. 
05:40 – Focus on specific outcomes e.g. ‘More people could be helped’ ‘The aide will go to where it is most needed’ ‘Those in urgent need can be better targeted’
06:11 – Keep referring back to the question (the ‘L’ in ‘PEEL’ paragraphs). Keep comparing the two opinions.
07:02 – Focus on specific outcomes again. So what? Obviously the aid was much needed in Nepal. So show the benefit of international aid e.g. ‘which meant that more people survived’ ‘which resulted in more lives being saved’ ‘If it had not been for the support of other countries, more people would have died’.
08:17 – Avoid general predictions (again). Use hedging language.
09:13 – Another misused idiom, and try not to be too ‘judgemental’ (harshly critical).
10:05 – Use conditionals to talk about POSSIBLE outcomes e.g ‘If this happens, the goal of providing assistance may not be achieved’.
10:08 – For each point, give support explanations, examples or evidence.
10:27 – edit for articles, prepositions and plurals.
10:50 – Avoid too much repetition in the conclusion. Try to end with a final thought, consequence or recommendation.

Model ‘Band 9’ Essay 2

11:23 – More problems with articles
12:59 – Don’t over-use linking words, especially at the start of sentences.
13:24 – Don’t try to make complex sentences just by making long sentences, or just by using ‘and’. Often the logic gets lost.
15:40 – Make it clear when you are stating YOUR opinion as opposed to other people’s opinions.

Model ‘Band 9’ Essay 3

17:53 – Don’t use ‘opine’!!
18:28 – Make it clear what is fact and what is opinion. ‘They CAN’ is fact, ‘They SHOULD’ is opinion.

My ‘possible answer’

19:18 – The General Statement focuses on the basic question – how should charity be distributed?
19:46 The introduction goes over and above repeating the question. It is more precise.
20:28 – If you feel more confident rewriting the question, keep it simple and don’t try to find words that aren’t quite the right synonyms.
21:06 – What do the best first lines have in common? They all refer back to the heart of the issue: how the charity’s funds should be distributed, allocated, used or spent.


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