Religion, Marriage & Me: How To Get Laid & Enjoy Trying
Channel: Anarcho Agony Aunts
Date: 22/09/2019

Question 2 & 3 on Episode 11 of Anarcho Agony Aunts 

They were quite similar so we grouped them together

’’Hello, I am an anarchist... well, surprise, surprise but I grew up in a kinda sexually frustrating religious household, i don't know how much i want to blame that on my impotence in regards to being forward about things. For a while I wondered if I was gay because I never asked girls out on dates but also I never found any of my guy friends attractive. It felt like there was no strong desire to build a sexual or any relationship to speak of. Where religion comes in relates to a contradiction of feelings "sex is wrong until marriage" but my father seems anxious for me to date, still have not and I am 26, on my own now but with a job where does anyone find the time to develop anything remotely personal? I am locked into these old beliefs that expect the purpose of romantic entanglements are on marriage. For a long time I have been suffocated by my parents. Now I am on my own, and the only thing remotely close to a sexual encounter was an invitation to a woman's apartment after we tore this bar waitresses head off in a bar about the topic of police and their brutality and this led into a few unexpected informal dates or were they dates? None of it was planned but on the 3rd time we met and stoned out of my mind she asks if I want to be her boyfriend, friends with benefits or simply a friend. I went frigid. I did not know what to say. In retrospect I think I was embarrassed telling her I never had sex. I didn't mind the idea but of being in a relationship, it just never came up ever. Maybe there are a few questions in there, I don't know what is the biggest problem for me. I struggle with accepting I am asexual but maybe I am but how does a relationship even work without sex I assume no one wants that. It feels strangely alien and lifeless existence, perhaps it isn't. Idk. Sorry it was such a long post.’’ 

and

''hello from america, ladies! first off, thank you for the show. i've been really enjoying the laid-back format and your bubbly personalities.
right then… so im writing in about some nasty religious fundamentalism that took over my perspective on the dating world.   I (25m) was raised in a violent, draconian Christian household and thus became a sheltered, obedient young man. I always tried to please my narcissistic parents' impossibly high standards and tip-toe around their toxic judgements, lest I would be sharply criticized or more. Due to this, I wasn't allowed to develop into my own interests and was brainwashed into their hyper-conservative Christian mindset. This includes celibacy until marriage - to the point where it became a core fixation of my personality. (I may in fact suffer from undiagnosed OCD or Asperger’s, that could play into this).  This has led to me obsessively romanticizing the idea of relationships - unquestionable loyalty became a foundation of my identity. I also developed a pathetically immature idea that I would marry the first girl I date.  
Anyways, this obsession has taken over my life and I can't seem to let it go, even after recognizing the futility of it. Now that I have grown into agnosticism and leftism, I acknowledge that celibacy is rooted in patriarchy and finding a girl that meets this standard will prove impossible, especially in leftist circles.  I also realize that there is an unspoken push-pull type ritual inherent to love, but I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to read into social cues well enough to learn how to play this “game.” 
This all has led to me being very isolated and develop serious mental illness. I'm finally coming to terms that I need to drop this stupid belief, but it seems really deep-seated. It feels that I would be betraying my old self, and the thought of all of the opportunities I let go is genuinely making me suicidal.  Without trying to sound conceited let me say I am above average when it comes to looks, so I've had plenty opportunities to fool around and hook up - but I would turn them all down for some misguided trust that I would find a girl who shares my ideals.
I guess I'm just asking for some advice or any words that would help me let go and stop obsessing over this. Especially this insecurity of how inexperienced I am + a regressive disgust of how promiscuous some people can be.''


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Anarcho Agony Aunts is a sex and dating advice show, covered from a feminist, antifascist, anarchist perspective.
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