Scarborough: Yatchy boys in a box
Channel: loomhigh
Date: 2023-01-14

Come to Western Australia's most scabby beach suburb! Enjoy expensive icecream as your gather skin cancer along the esplanade, or if you are feeling fancy, admire the scenic view of the sun setting over the ocean up the wankiest box building known to man: Observation Hotel.
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script:
Scarborough, Western Australia.
This 14k strong suburb of Perth was entirely built around a hotel constructed to observe the 1987 America’s cup, a yacht race that for some reason counts as a keystone event in this state's history and is referenced in every political history book I have read. I wouldn’t be surprised if it even got a cheeky reference in Marcus Aurelias’s 'meditations'  right under the line “don’t look down on death, but welcome it. It too is one of the things required by nature”  he also wrote “and in 2000 years some unknown southern land will win a yacht race and it would be pretty cool I guess”

And god, if there was a building that represented Perth’s love for brutalism and welcoming of death, it would have to be the Observation city hotel. The only distinguishable difference between this building and one of those depressing Soviet Style apartments in norilsk is the filter. An architectural embodiment of TikTok’s success.

If you removed the sandy beaches and sun-draped weather that blesses our gorgeous environment, you would struggle to recognise it even more than when you try to get people to identify Einstein without his wackydo hair! 
“I know not what weapons World War III will be fought but I know I fight a war with my hairdresser every day” - Albert Einstein

Smack some snow onto it and no doubts Gevorg Kochar would confuse it for one of his own: “Ahh yes of course, I think remember designing that piece of excellent work when I was held up in the frigid Siberian North, though I swear I designed it with more exposed gas and water pipes!” 
Keep in mind this isn’t a public housing commission where function prioritises form ten to 1, this was built for the rich bogies to watch literal yacht races for crying out loud.

I know for sure that if Australia has a bolshevist revolution the Perth elite will be completely okay going to Work camps like Gevorg was forced to do while creating the Perth of the North. Just imagine Gina like: “hey this is like a never ending america's cup race except the race is against my sleeper placing quotas and the racetrack is the Northwest coast” 

This joke about brutal railway building work camps in the North West reminded me that the building of the Newman to Hedland railways was completed in record breaking time and one of the arguments as to why was because everyone was absolutely smashed while they did it. Like because of the heat they just sunk a beer after every sleeper. 

Scarborough existed before of course, established in the nice age of 1869 with lucky first resident John Hughs, what a man, and what land! Such wow features as sandy coastal plains with a whopping 0 agricultural value and 100% WIMBDY.

Honestly the kind of land you would see in a video game challenge. “Build farm with 0 soil and 100% wind CCDA challenge”

For you eastern siders it might be helpful to say that the place was reported back then as the “manly for the west” which makes sense as most femboys would have moved to fremantle, which would give this western suburb a higher portion of such manly things as facial hair and dry skin. Then again Fremantle is evened out with bougie hipsters on the beard front, and there are muscle men in Freo, it's just that they are often rounded up into pens and forced to play for the Fremantle Dockers so you don’t see them on the streets at all. 

“We keep losing the premiership because we are still confused as to what is going on, they just gave us this [TF2 Pyro’s] mask and chucked us on to a field of rainbows and huggable chibi eagles.”

[show footage of a tackling here]

The esplanade of Scarborough opened around 1932, likely as an attempted cure for the weirdly increased cases of depression that existed in the world at the time, and probably a pre-emptive industrialisation initiative when the state intended to declare independence in case New South Wales caused an independence war and justified Westralian secession.  If it was a way to cure depression, it would go down in history as a more effective strategy than such epic depression curing tricks as no longer giving people things to do and eliminating their access to goods and services. God I love pre-keynesian economics! Back when printing more money was cool, or at least didn’t require as much mental gymnastics to justify.