Emotional Covert Incest is Lifelong: Birth of Shared Fantasy
Channel: Prof. Sam Vaknin
Date: 2023-11-19

Emotional or covert incest part of parentifying and adultifying (Atlas personality): succor but no sex, sexless intimate partnership

People-pleasing coupled with a constant sense of failure and inadequacy

Insecure attachment owing to enmeshment

Oedipus/electra complexes: The Oedipal and Electra complexes have two etiologies. Freud and Jung have identified only one of them: competition with the same sex parent for the love and attention of the other-sexed one. But there is an even more compelling source. Until age 18-24 months, the infant is both genderless and pansexual and consequently autoerotic. His libido is turned towards itself as a love object. But the infant is merged and fused with the mother throughout this period (symbiosis). They are one and the same. His narcissistic libido cathexes her as well! When he begins to separate from the mother, his narcissistic libido still remains invested in her residually - and this is the Oedipal complex.

Prevents separation-individuation: child’s needs ignored or suppressed, parent’s needs predominate, no boundaries, parent possessive and romantically jealous (no one is good enough and no one will ever be as good as I am)

Autoerotism owing to object relations with a forbidden object, later life sexual difficulties (need to objectify and dehumanize maternal figures in order to have sex – sadistic punishment - or sexual dysfunction and asexuality)

Is the primordial and prototypical shared fantasy

Mostly nonverbal, subverts communication by creating hidden, forbidden text

Effects much worse than sexual incest because it is not clearly wrong, it is disorienting role confusion: both parties habituate

Ambivalence

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