The Magic 4th - The way out of Triangulation Splitting Denial | 2/10/24
Channel: Visceral Gravitas
Date: 2024-03-04

Visceral Gravitas Community zoom group 2/10/24 excerpt 
Community discussion forum https://www.visceralgravitas.com
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@SystemsCentered

transcript:
so there's 1 2 3 4 
how many people can remember that pointer 
so one is denial and monologues one one voice 
two is a dyad and the dyad is splitting 
two and when you split with a two it's 
top down dominant submissive parent child 
teacher student ruler ruled 
kill or be killed 
all these are variations of two 

three what's three 
drama triangle triangulation scapegoating 
I will talk gaslight you as a third party then I'll use uh third party Society stuff to create a illusion third 
then I outnumber you triangulation 

Nabeel triangulated me or he tried to by saying 
oh I'm talking from my heart 
and I know from my heart and my past stuff 
me and that heart is outnumbering you Deef 
so my reality is stronger than yours 
three triangulation we all do this 
or we join with somebody else and then we shit talk a third party triangulation 
so that's three 
1 2 3 denial monologuing two splitting three triangulation scapegoating, referring to a third party to try to outnumber somebody else two against one 

and the way out is The Magic Fourth four 
What is four? 
last week we talked about the non-responsive Observer 
Four is a responsive Observer 
Four is a third party or judge that joins into the situation that shares some more info 
so four can be four five six 
we now have a group so that you can't do number one two or three 
that's it 
more context solves 1 2 3 
it starts at 4 
that's why we're pissed off at 4 when they're non-responsive enablers 
we go to a third party or a mother or God to get some context 
because our intuition knows that there's some truth that got violated 
so we go to an observer and when the non-responsive Observer enables the abuser 
we hate them more than the person that abuses us 
so we know in intuitively that the fourth is way out 
but typically people stay silent 
they don't want to be involved 
you don't have to take a position, that's a privilege and that's opting out of your responsibility of being with other people 
so four 
you're not rescuing 
fourth is adding perspective yeah and 
Rescuers are part of the three drama triangle rescuer persecutor victim 
I think that's that fourth party would be helpful for me 
helpful for making sense 
like this this reflection of what I'm sensing and putting words to it and putting context around it 
so there would be some realness into it 
instead of all the chaos in in my own system 
so that's why I would need the fourth party 
they're adding realness yeah 
they're helping be a Cohistorian or a journalist for the group, for the people that are triggered 
yeah 
people are in two and three 
where they're splitting and they're scapegoating 
they don't have containment to be number four no 
it just unreasonable for us to give people injunctions to be the fourth, when they're triggered in one two or three 
it's just not human 
no it's not fair 
and yeah it's not fair too 
yeah it's just not doable 
it's doable after the fact when you're not triggered sure 
but when you're triggered you regress to one two three 
denial splitting triangulation 
that's just how the brain works

the superego at number three 
starts getting maybe uh greedy say 
oh this is pretty cool scapegoating and triangulation 
I can just rule the world this way 

but number four is much easier 
because you're cooperating with reality and you have broader containment