Morning Announcements at the Tuesday Gold Team Show on JoCo Cruise 2023
Channel: Angela Brett
Date: 2023-04-07

Drew has a handful of wires, for the important work he does down by the pallets! He has a way of finding pretty things and bringing them to Jonathan Coulton. He’s like a crow (or indeed, an assistant, Scarface.) The bundle of wires has this! And also this! It also has USB, which is fine, but not special. This Cable Minute has been brought to you by Monster Cable! It’s not a monster though. Well, technically it is. I guess it is.

Drew takes a microphone out of its stand, and *holds it from the bottom*! His hand meat’s going to break the radios!

Today, the Luggage Direct forms arrived in our staterooms. You don’t need me to transcribe what that is. You don’t have luggage. You’re probably in your own home! I hope it’s nice there. You don’t even need to wear pants.

Speaking of forms, on-board booking forms are also available! And on 2024, Drew is going to have two handfuls of wires! You can’t use the on-board forms, but if it’s not yet mid-March 2024 when you read this, you might be able to book a berth at https://jococruise.com It’s going to Grand Turk, Puerto Plata, and Half Moon Cay. It’s happening from March 9–16 2024. It’s easy to remember, because they’re consecutive square numbers!

Alas, by booking online you will not be able to use the famous Bookie Monster drop box. It looks like Cookie Monster, but it’s a box. The monster is inside the theatre! The call is coming from inside the Bookie Monster! Congratulations to Thera, who spearheaded the assistive listening devices and closed captioning (in replays of the red team show on our stateroom TVs.) She did a better job at making this show audio accessible than I am, what with this slap-dash description in lieu of actual captions. That spider wire thing is actually for those headphones (for assistive listening devices, perhaps?)

The shipwide chess match is tied 2:2. 

There are a lot of decorations on a lot of people’s doors, and a lot of those are explicitly designed to be taken, but not all of them. Please do not remove anybody’s door decor unless it explicitly says you should do so. They appreciate our enthusiasm for collecting, but collecting things that belong to other people is theft. If you stole a tiara of somebody’s door (such as the many tiara lending libraries) it’s not going to end up in a museum. Don’t steal an ancient idol from a cave away from the people who want it and worship it. Indiana Jones would say if they want to worship it they can come see it in the museum, but Jonathan Coulton is not saying that’s correct. If they say they’re students they can get in for just a couple of bucks. No blow darts in the museum though.

There are many fun events happening that evening, including Jim Boggia’s concert from a hat, an improv show, Drew's Fhloston Paradise Pride Party, and the Pushy Quarters tournament in the casino. Paul thinks the Pushy Quarters machine is the best action in the casino. Jonathan Coulton thinks it doesn’t have great odds. You push the quarter in, and you think it’s going to push the quarters out, and it doesn’t. That’s the game! They want to absolutely f🦆ck up the metrics of the casino by making Pushy Quarters the most profitable machine on the ship all year. (Spoiler: We used it so much it broke.) Jonathan would love it if they looked at the numbers from this cruise and decided to replace all the slot machines with Pushy Quarters.

Tomorrow we’re in San Juan!

Paul is very upset with us. We were told not to put googly eyes on the artwork. But somebody (from Red Team, no doubt) has put googly eyes on the ‘NO GOOGLY EYES’ sign. It is passive-aggressive vandalism, and worse yet, it’s self-aware. We do not need meta-vandalism, people!

That ends the morning announcements. Drew puts the microphone back for our next performer, Josh Gondelman. His comedy special ‘People Pleaser’ is streaming right now, so go watch that, because we weren’t allowed to record his performance on the ship. Earlier this week he interviewed Malala, and now he’s here with us — what a left turn his career is taking!

Everything I've uploaded from this cruise is at https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLJ-l6mr1dW0jjisZGkrSSNQ8HiKRFLxGW