Climbing the Corporate Ladder - Sean Akari
Channel: Sean Akari
Date: 2020-06-26

Written by: Sean Akari
Filmed by: Angela Paviera
Location: Skiptown Playhouse, Michelle Parks

Prepare for a life of pain, agony and other bad stuff as you climb the corporate ladder. 

@apple I’ll buy an Ipad anyday, but no apple care plan bc it =refurbished.

How do you feel about enforcing something you might not entirely agree with? How do you feel about doing things that make no sense because your boss is too lazy to adapt to new tech? 

If you’re willing to be someone’s slave and not ask any questions. 

If you’re willing to work 60-80 hours a week 

If you’re all about making the people upstairs a lot of money, for a lot of your time and little pay…compared to what they’re making. 

If you like people going behind your back to undermine your authority and cut you off from potentially advancing. [Then climbing the corporate ladder might just be for you.]

If you’re good at making somebody else rich and there is no way that you can do it on your own, well then, stick with the corporate ladder. Absolutely. 

Climbing the ladder is like playing Russian Roulette. Question, is the bullet for you or for them?

Speaking of praying. Climbing the corporate ladder is like dying for the sins of those above you but on a scale of less biblical proportions. And at the end of the day, no one will remember your name, except the CEO when he’s using you as a scapegoat to explain to shareholders why they’re not making as much money this fiscal quarter. 

If you read this far, I'm impressed, most people don't have this kind of attention span anymore. You're paying attention and that means a lot!

Script:

If you’re willing to ask things like: 

“what’s a holiday?” 

Then climbing the corporate ladder 
might just be for you.
 
Joining a corporation is like 
joining the military, 

[they don’t like it 
when you ask questions.]

If you wish for peace, 

prepare for war. 


If you like working in a 
fancy building, 
with a designated parking spot, 
benefits, 
insurance, 
even dental. 


[Only to find out 
it doesn’t cover anything 
because you have to 
pay your deductible first.] 

Welcome to the promised land.

If you enjoy 
not spending 


time with kids…

[What was that little Billy? 

You want me to play catch? 

I can’t 
busy with work. 

But,
I bought you the new Ipad
Pro. 
With tiny bezel edges 
and longer battery life 
And 
I’ll even add my credit card 
to replace me not loving you.]

Then climbing the corporate ladder 
might just be for you.


Time with the wife.

[What was that honey? 

You want me to come home 

to make sweet 
passionate love to you 

and give you 
the quality time 
that you deserve? 

Oh honey, 

I’m busy banging the secretary 
because I’m so stressed out at work. 
And plus (eat your words) 

she likes to do that one thing I like 
that thing you don’t like to do…anymore...ever.]


Then climbing the corporate ladder might just be for you.



Time with Parents. 

Ma, Pa, 

I won’t be able to join along 
on that vacation 

because I’m getting screwed 
by the bosses. 

At least 
it’s wasn’t the secretary this time…
so I don’t have to worry about 
a third divorce

or alimony 

or child support…

yet. 


[Then climbing the corporate ladder 
might just be for you.] 


Time with yourself. 

If you want to afford 
that new fancy sports car. 

0-60 in 1.9 seconds,  (like that edit? it wasn't a glitch)

you won’t have time to race it, 

and when you do drive, 
you’ll be stuck in traffic 

inching your way 
to your inevitable suicide, 
honking 
and getting cut off 
while thinking: 

“is this my life???” 


[Then climbing the corporate ladder might just be for you.]


With all of these 
wonderful opportunities, 
you can see, 
climbing the corporate ladder 
is like climbing any ladder. 

The higher up you go, 
[the more wobbly it gets.]

With all of those guarantees, 

you might as well climb to the top…

[and jump off.] 

Climbing in an organization is like walking through a land mine field. 

[Hey you might lose a limb…hopefully its not your life.]

If you’re going to assume that much risk, you better have passion, 

[otherwise, don’t do it all.]

It all depends on what you 
Want out of life…

So choose wisely. 

I'm Sean Akari. 

Thank you for listening. 

...or reading because I am still here typing to you the audience. 

Share this with someone if they are afraid to pursue a new idea.