Floating Little Leaves of Code (The Magic Elf / Ambrose Caves)
Channel: Tobias Langhoff
Date: 2016-03-24

Chapter Four: Floating Little Leaves of Code

Track Four on the Soundtrack:
0:00 The Magic Elf
1:40 Ambrose Caves

Artwork from why’s (poignant) Guide to Ruby by why the lucky stiff. Music from The Soundtrack to why's (poignant) Guide to Ruby, performed slapdash by The Thirsty Cups.

Both works were originally released under CC-BY-SA http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.5/

Back, back, way back before speedboats, I owned a prize race horse who took a stumble on the track. She did ten front flips and crashed into a guy who was carrying a full jar of mayonnaisse. We had blood and mayonnaisse up and down the track. Needless to say, she was a disaster.

The vet took one look at her and swore she’d never walk again. Her legs were gone and the vet wouldn’t allow a legless horse to just sit around. We’d need to put her down. He swore his life and career on it, insisting we divide into two parallel lines. The people who could not refute the doctor’s claims on one side; those too stubborn to accept his infallable medical reasoning on the other. The Elf, his pet ham, and I were the only ones in that second line.

So while the others heaped up trophies and great wreaths around the horse, bidding it a fond farewell before the bullet came to take him home, the Elf and I frantically pawed the Internet for answers. We took matter into our own hands, cauterizing her leg wounds with live crawdads. It worked great! We now had a horse again. Or at least: a horse body with a crustaceous abdominal frosting.

She scurried everywhere after that and lived for years in pleasantly moist underground cavities.

Animal Perfect is now the future of animal enhancement. They build new animals and salvage old-style animals for parts. Of course, they’ve come a long ways. When Animal Perfect started, you’d see a full-grown bear walk into Animal Perfect and you’d see a full-grown bear with sunglasses walk out. Completely cheesy.

Stick around and you’ll see a crab with his own jet pack. That’s a new 2004 model jetcrab.

But now, the whole operation is up and running. And the cleanliness of the place is astonishing. All the equipment is so shiny. Everything is in chrome. Oh, and all the staff have concealed weapons. They’re trained to kill anyone who enters unannounced. Or, if they run out of bullets, they’re trained to pistol whip anyone who enters unannounced.