Kong Off Row
Channel: crowdsandpowerband
Date: 2012-09-05

Kong Off 2, November 2012 at the 1UP Arcade Denver Colorado

They're climbing up the ladders
Allen painted his Donkey Kong red
Everyone is shouting
"How High Can You Get?"
The Jumpman grabs a hammer
Smashing barrels down below
Up above the damsel in distress
Is crying "Save me, Mario!"
The contestants are meditating
Getting ready for the show
Going for a high score 
On Donkey Kong-Off Row

I got a fistful of quarters
Even grandma games
Thanks to thee Twin Galaxies
And some guy named Walter Day
All the Video Game Personalities
They are all amazing but You ain't seen 
nothing 'till you see Mark Alpiger
Play Crystal Castles with his foot
And someone just hit Level Twenty-One
They don't have very far to go
There's a killscreen coming up
On Donkey Kong-Off Row

You all know Billy Mitchell
Couldn't miss him if you tried
He's the tallest guy in the room
Wearing an American flag tie
He's the Gamer of the Century
He can play a Perfect Pac-Man
They bow in honor when they hear his name
At Nintendo of Japan
You love him or you hate him
But he's the coolest guy I know
And makes the greatest hot sauce you ever had
Down on Donkey Kong-Off Row

The good guy in the movie
Is a guy named Steve Wiebe
From the early scene when he plays the drums
He really impressed me
And then there's Robert Mruczek
He's my favorite referee
If he sees a gummy substance on your board
He may think it's a conspiracy
And Wiebe's got like a million fans
They're cheering "Go, Steve, Go!"
While they watch him play his heart out
Down on Donkey Kong-Off Row

You may have heard of Hank Chien
They call him Doctor Kong
He's the best there is in the world today
And his Centipede game is strong
When he goes up to Funspot
Where they say the Donkey Kong machine's possessed
He tames all those wild barrels
Like he's an exorcist
I hear that Hank kills firefoxes 
just by looking at them, so
I hope you have been practicing 
For Donkey Kong-Off Row

How about Richie Knucklez
I'm proud to say that he's a friend of mine
He's crazy tough, give you a Knuckle Sandwich
If you get out of line
He's the King of Space Invaders, Pole Position too
And Space Fury and Phoenix, just to name a few
Richie is the singer of a Rock 'n Roll band
And the host of the Arcade Culture show
Streaming live on Saturday Night
From Donkey Kong-Off Row

Mr. Awesome is a dip-switch
Used to play the Missile Command
If you don't let him finish
Then he'll get out of hand
When he complains about the size of the trackballs
It can start to be a bore
I'd rather hang out with Bill Carlton 
any day for sure
'Cuz my man Bill is super chill
Be sure to say hello
If you see him roller disco-ing
Along Donkey Kong-Off Row

Joel West is in a Frenzy
Some say that he's gone Berzerk
He makes it look so easy
But trust me it takes a lot of work
To run through endless mazes
Dodging lasers, Joel West Rocks!
If you get a good score 
Don't tell Joel you played it with the box
Joel has an Arch-Nemesis
His name is Evil Otto
Joel ain't no chicken, he fights like a robot
Around Donkey Kong-Off Row

Ben Falls he is my Idol
At Popeye he's the boss
Like the Ancient Mariner 
he beat up a Albatross
Ken House he plays Dig Dug
With no sleeves on his shirt
Because you get real sweaty 
When you're digging all that dirt
Play Mortal Kombat with Jourdan Adler
He'll finish you with Sub-Zero
Another Flawless Victory
On Donkey Kong-Off Row

Don Hayes 'n Johnny McAllister
Greg Bond, Pat Laffaye
So many great players out there
to name them all would take all day
There's David Race, Steve Wagner
Watch out for Dean Saglio
Jimmy 'Super Supreme' Linderman, Michael Sao Pedro
Now if I didn't mention you 
Don't get offended, no
I'll fit you in a verse at the Kong Off 3
On Donkey Kong-Off Row

Ladies and Gentlemen, Eric Howard! Vincent Lemay!
Kyle Goewert! Estel Goffinet! 
Marky D Kiehl! Dave McCrary!
Jeff Willms! and Ross Vondummpenstien Benziger!

Now I like Mario Bros. but DKjr sucks
Rob Mruczek told me the 3rd elevator stage
Takes more than luck
His wisdom is legendary
Robert is sharp as a knife
He says: "In Tron, if you don't know 
the next LightCycle pattern, 
you will lose your life!"
I plan to hop on Q*Bert, 
but I'm getting kinda hungry though...
I think it's almost Burgertime 
On Donkey Kong-Off Row

So pull out all those rivets
Drop the monkey on his head
And if you are the winner
Then you can make some bread
At the Rumble in the Rockies
At the 1UP Arcade
Where everyone is having fun
And history will be made
And if you want some mem'robilia
Get a signed marquee before you go
Something to remember the time you went
To Donkey Kong-Off Row