YOU: Narcissist's Femme Fatale - or Mother?
Channel: Prof. Sam Vaknin
Date: 2021-02-12

The narcissist confuses Possessiveness, driven by TERROR; Mortification (leads to INTROSPECTION); Romantic Jealousy: PAIN which results in aversion and withdrawal.

Possessiveness is abandonment/separation anxiety & fear of loss. As long as object constancy (ownership of the partner taken for granted) is maintained, his partner can outsource all her sexual and emotional needs. He becomes possessive (not romantically jealous!) only when he senses imminent abandonment. The narcissist also regards any attempt to lie to him & to deceive him as a challenge to his grandiose omniscience & a sign that he is not as feared & held in awe as he imagines himself to be.

The narcissist is romantically jealous only of women he “loves” (infatuation, limerence): decadent specimen who are BOTH promiscuous & sophisticated (elegant and worldly).

The narcissist is never romantically jealous or possessive of women who serve as mere playmates, drivers, companions, housekeepers, & PAs. He demands their presence (no abandonment), services, or sex & pays for them. Otherwise, he wants to be left alone: solitude & solitary pursuits.

The cerebral narcissist has sex (typically kinky & sadistic) only within a shared fantasy &, even then, he much prefers object constancy (adulating presence) & services to sex, so he ultimately switches to celibacy & legitimizes the outsourcing by his partner of her needs.

ONLY mortification involves soul-searching & dysphoria. Romantic jealousy does not lead to introspection, only to pain.

The narcissist is especially mortified by women whom he doesn’t love & considers inferior to him, precisely because their betrayal is humiliating & unexpected, a WAKEUP CALL.

The narcissist can be mortified into accepting that he is a schizoid narcissist & should lead a solitary life, devoid of sex, love, and intimacy; that he is abusive (sadistic), crazy, & his own worst enemy; that all men are preferrable to him (he is irredeemably disabled & inferior, infantile, not a man); and that has disrespected & berated himself, so people disrespect, fear, hate, & are revolted by him.

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