Narcissist's Outsourced Existence, Trauma-Bonded Fantasy with YOU
Channel: Prof. Sam Vaknin
Date: 2021-07-04

The narcissist outsources his sense of existence and being, substitutes for it or displaces it.

Existence agents and narcissistic supply.

Creates imbalance, dependence, a sense of inferiority.

Substitutive existence is hampered by devaluation and paranoia.

Displaced existence is obstructed by passive-aggression and entitlement.

Shared fantasy: companionship vs. submissive.

When you misidentify sex as intimacy and mislabel love as pain - you end up having sexless intimacy and painful loves.

Trauma bonding is often a form of self-mutilation or self-harm, replete with the same three functions: 1. To numb dysregulated emotions that threaten to overwhelm us; 2. To allow us to feel alive through pain; 3. To punish, defeat, and destroy ourselves.

Lidija Rangelovska (@reframingtheself) wrote these words recently:

“Our Narcissistic defences preserve us from self-destruction in desperate, hopeless, and uncertain times.

The need to socialise (to compare ourselves with others) is intended to restore control over our innate urges.

Having been terrified of our dark side we actually trauma-bond with others. Thus, others “remind” us that we are weak and have to fight for our survival.

One should embrace his/her weaknesses in order to restore the energy, hope, and the will to live. Others won’t do it for you.

It’s a choice you have to make: to suffer or live.”

Wise counsel, indeed.

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