NEVER SAY THIS to Depressed, Anxious (Pollyannaish Invalidation)
Channel: Prof. Sam Vaknin
Date: 2024-04-05

Well-meaning empathic people often make things worse.

“Get a grip, move on, snap out of it, get over it”

“I and others have had the same experience”

“You have your whole life ahead of you, it is never too late, time heals all wounds”

“No need to be anxious or depressed”

“You have such a good life, others have it much worse”

Anxiety, depression, and trauma are subjective experiences, not objective facts. People react differently to the very same circumstances. Reasons: genes, temperament, upbringing, childhood and life experiences.

When someone is going through a difficult period, you need to validate their emotions and reactions: 

“I understand what you are going through. You are right: it is really bad and your reaction is justified. I hope things get better somehow” 

All other types of responses are wrong.

Invalidating one’s thinking implies: “something is wrong with you for thinking or acting this way”. 

Always-on, Pollyannaish optimism is invalidating.

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