Evan Peters monologue, "This Is the Place Where We Describe Who We Are"
Channel: Evan B. Peters
Date: 2007-06-02

"Once upon a time there was an internet sight where people from all around the world converged and splurged on their darkest secrets and most intimate notions. They advertised their minds and ideas like billboards to passing cars. Everyone was invited and prescribed a magnifying glass and select soundtrack. Colors and comments, pictures and blogs. People talking and snooping on their lover's lost fog. This is the place where we describe who we are; this is the internet equivalent of Noah's Ark. 

Take your time to observe, people covet your words. Post a remark and embark on a mind game played on a tight-rope. Don't post the wrong information because you might not get the right relation. Take your time to compose because you only get one edit; if you don't say the right thing, you might not get the right credit. 

Two kudos for you because they like what you do. Maybe you'll get a comment on a picture or two. Always reformat to keep people's interest, hand pick your photos to get rid of excess. Hope that someone can relate and they wont make you wait. Be sure to let them know if you're  bi, gay or straight and please God, don't forget to put them on your top eight. 

Do you want ten kids? Do you smoke or do drugs? Do you listen to good music? Do you enjoy kissing and hugs? What car do you drive? What clothes do you wear? Do you have any piercings? What color's your hair? Do you have good taste in movies? Do you read any books? Can your mind match up with your incredible looks? 

Analyzation before communication, this is our nation's newest elation. Scrutinize our race, jeopardize your face. This is the way of the wanton Myspace. 

But hold the phone, you're not alone. This is where reality throws you a bone. This internet sight will only cause you grief and I'm here to tell you how to get some relief; just uncheck the box beside disbelief. Now push back your chair and maybe comb your hair and take a look out your window because you'll see there's a whole world out there. It's a great place to live in, albeit chaotic, so, get the fuck off of Myspace. It'll make you neurotic."