Ultimate doom E1M1 any% speedrun in 0.38s
Channel: Warewameshianari
Date: 2023-06-14

the speedrunner is back with another WR bois?! last time, we shamed the Megaman speedrunners with my aWesum sExi sPEEdrun sKILLS but this time, it's time to turn the table toward the DOOM players.. 

So today, I discovered a secret speedrun strategy that involve around using a landline home phone. You see.. DOOM allows you to connect a lot of devices to it including but not limited to.. CHINESE BOOTLEG LANDLINE PHONES! to be specific, a "Panaphone KX-T999CID" THIS MODEL EXACTLY! YOU HEAR? NOTHING ELSE. DONT EVEN TRY DOING IT WITH A GALAXY NOTE 7 OR I'M GONNA MOVE YOUR ENTIRE HOUSE NEXT TO AN ASYLUM. *cough* as I was saying, because this device right here not only able to run the game itself *insert DOOM runs on anything meme here* but also acts like a secondary controller and allows to control the game in many ways you never seen before. The extra functions midgrates with the game itself, which by the way NOT even MENTIONED or FOUND in the OG source code, and are available just by using the extras buttons above the phone's keypad numbers 0..9, among these functions is a speed-up button that accelerate the game speed, now I know you may think, "seriously? speeding up the game? that's so controversial of you saying that.." like come on dude, 1/10 of the entire earth population are allergic to sucess and they don't know that so please let me finish first then you can question about my legitimacy. =DDD Now this phone, beside the first aformentioned feature, also have a VERY large database of cheats embedded to it just by typing numbers VERY QUICK and SUCCESSIVELY, probably around 764,399 combinations as far I'm aware, among these is the number "46258789355" which accelerate the game up to 825% speed and makes cheesing the game a lot easier (and believe me, it's pretty hecking awesome once you get used to it) and if you're utilizing this cracked method alongside the DOOM "reflex technique" which I'm pretty sure you're familiar with it, right? (you bet because I'm not explaining it here, soz. Youtube stupid 5000 character limit. that's why hehe) you became an unstoppable god with nothing coming into your way, although you may still takes hits if you ram into enemies while moving 235km/h in a 9sec walk hallway like you saw at mark 0:15 in the video if you looked at Doomguy's mugshot.

Now you know the rules and so do I (bam dum tss) becase I explained that in this wall of text. Now get yourself a landline phone, learn it's secret and start practice and try beating my PB (WR maybe?) while you're at it. GL and GG! ; D




P.S.: keep this between us. this video is satire, capiche?