A Life Update, a.k.a. ranting abt my life to a camera for 15 minutes
Channel: actuallyasriel
Date: 2019-12-18

A rundown of the reasons for my scattered presence online since 2018.
The new decade is around the corner now, and I hope that it brings with it new opportunity to grow.

I didn't go into the details of my mental health, but to summarize it, I am strongly suspecting a condition called schizotypal personality disorder.
Strongly associated with the relatives of ppl w/schizophrenia (like much of my family), it results in difficulties forming close relationships due to an assumption that people have bad intentions for me. In addition to many negative symptoms of schizophrenia (blunted affect, disordered thought, dissociation) and transient psychosis. To oversimplify, it's like a crossbreed between ADHD, autism, and social anxiety disorder, with the occasional bout of complete reality breaks.
This all sounds like me. Almost to a T. But I'm not a doctor, and I want to speak with one to confirm or revise this, and come up with a treatment plan.

I also didn't go into any of the drama surrounding me because I wanted this to be a more positive video, and I don't want any of that nonsense to affect my creative endeavors anymore. I've been trying my best to get out of my bad habit of sneaking into discourse and letting it get into my head, and it's something that's improved my outlook a lot and I hope to continue down that path.

So yeah. That's about it, I suppose. Hope to see you soon.