Genius Short Story Idea: "Heaven's Leaderboard: Jade's Story"
Channel: Literature [Moribund Institute]
Date: 2020-11-12

Genius short film idea: Heaven's leaderboard:
Lady inbrought to heaven via the angelic refulgent staircase of shiny brightness. She arrives to a leaderboard with all her accolades up on it. One notable accolade of hers was her hours spent shaving 100 hours placing her in 3,154, 402th place on the humanities' leaderboards with all her other rankings in similar positions. She was about average for humanities' achievements yet there was this one sole accolade that stood out amongst all the others and twas her time spent masturbating. It turned out to be a humanities record – humanities' all time record.The buzzers in heaven begun to go off, the bells begun ringing, the angels begun hyping, and all the people be swooning over this lady's record of humanity's greatest masturbator. Surprisingly there was this one smug numinous adumbration of this chonky figure in the distance. Twas a hippopotamus. "Strange" Jade thought. "Aloud" she thought. "This is gonna suck after a while " she thought. "What is this hippopotamus doing in heaven" she thought. It was not that she was speciesist or anything, She just thought of heaven as this human thing cuz you know that Jesus stuff was with interactions with people – dogs would be involved somehow, but she didn't really think twice about hippopotami being up in heaven. Little did she know that this chonky hippopotamus was the old time–all time record holder for masturbation and he made sure she knew it! Right on the spot that hippopotamus whipped it out and started...
The story was forked so ... There's a cum cloud version. Where all the residents of heaven are cumvagants with the surprise twist that the hippopotamus was God. Then there's the Hippopotamus cannot cum version where he masterbated his whole life because he could never cum. So  Jade argues that she should top the leaderboard because she came loads more than the Hippopotamus. She wins her case and tops Heaven's leaderboard for masterbation.