Assisting the Person without Enabling
Channel: Doc Snipes
Date: 2018-04-13

Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Qualified Clinical Supervisor.  She received her PhD in Mental Health Counseling from the University of Florida in 2002.  In addition to being a practicing clinician, she has provided training to counselors, social workers, nurses and case managers internationally since 2006 through AllCEUs.com A direct link to the CEU course is https://www.allceus.com/member/cart/index/product/id/366/c/

People in recovery need support.  It is vital to assist the person in recovery without enabling them.  This video explores the difference between assisting the person and enabling to enhance both people's mental health and happiness.

Many addiction treatment programs will have a family education component to help you learn strategies to support your loved one in their addiction recovery process.

AllCEUs provides #counseloreducation and CEUs for LPCs, LMHCs, LMFTs and LCSWs as well as #addiction counselor precertification training and continuing education

#AllCEUs courses are accepted in most states because we are approved as an education provider for NAADAC, the States of Florida and Texas Boards of Social Work and Mental Health/Professional Counseling, the California Consortium for Addiction Professionals and Professions.

This was recorded as part of a live #webinar

What is Enabling
– Enabling behavior:
– Protects the person from the natural consequences of his behavior
– Keeps secrets about the person’s behavior from others in order to keep peace
– Makes excuses for the person’s behavior (with teachers, friends, legal authorities, employers, and other family members)
– Bails the person out of trouble (pays debts, fixes tickets, hires lawyers, and provides jobs)
– Blames others for the person's behaviors (friends, teachers, employers, family, and self)
– Sees “the problem” as the result of something else (shyness, adolescence, loneliness, broken home, ADHD, or another illness)
– Avoids the person in order to keep peace (out of sight, out of mind)
– Gives help that is undeserved, unearned or unappreciated

What is Enabling
– Enabling behavior:
– Attempts to control the other person by planning activities, choosing friends, and getting them jobs and doctor appointments
– Makes threats that have no follow-through or consistency
– “Care takes” the person by doing what she/he is expected to do for herself/himself
– Ignoring the person’s negative or potentially dangerous behavior
– Difficulty expressing emotions –especially if there are negative repercussions for doing so
– Prioritizing the needs of the person with the addiction before their own
– Acting out of fear – Since addiction can cause frightening events, the enabler will do whatever it takes to avoid such situations
– Resenting the person with the addiction

Consequences of Enabling
– Enablers detest the behaviors of the enabled, but fear the consequences of those behaviors even more.
– They are locked into a lose-lose position in the family. Setting boundaries feels like a punishment or abandonment of the person they love.
– Enablers may struggle with the guilt they would feel if the person they’re enabling were hurt by the real consequences of their actions.
– Enablers are also protecting themselves and/or children from those consequences
– Enabling means that someone else will always fix, solve, or make the consequences go away.
Consequences of Enabling
– Enabled persons will come to expect that their behaviors have no consequences or negative outcomes.
– Enablers may become “emotional hostages” as the person learns to manipulate them in order to ensure that the help and support keep coming.
– The enabler is desperate to prevent one enormous crisis, but winds up experiencing a constant state of stress
– The enabled person and the enabler become stuck in a role in which they feel incompetent, incapable, disempowered and ineffectual.
– They may gradually accept a self-concept that includes these negative traits, destroying self-esteem and leading to co-dependency

What to Do
– Healthy help involves providing information, encouragement, and coaching to your loved one.
– Give the person contact information for doctors, counselors, lawyers, or rehabilitation programs, without feeling the need to force him or her to accept this help.
– Discuss with the person what the possible consequences of actions might be, without feeling as if you must make sure they make the choice you want them to make.
– Foster hope, for you and the person.
– By refusing to tolerate or enable the addiction related behavior, but being willing to fully support their recovery, you can foster hope that can grow and catch on.

Practical Strategies
– Take care of yourself
– Sleep
– Nutrition
– Exercise
– Emotions
– Social relationships and activities
– Awareness of what is truly important to you
– When you’re together, remember not to helicopter
– Don’t obsess or worry about him or her. cheap ce