Thomas Schoenberger ·  Extraordinaire Felon Fat Shaming Himself
Channel: Samizdat
Date: 06/04/2020

"Who composes Cicada 3301 Music? Thomas Schoenberger is a polymath, composer, historian, entrepreneur, event designer, inventor and writer. His compositions have been performed by leading musical groups, including the Moscow Chamber Orchestra, Le Gallerie Degli Uffizi and other notable artists worldwide.”

The problem? None of this is true. I fell afoul of Thomas Schoenberger when I began investigating Cicada 3301. I asked to interview him, but I received no reply. I noticed, however, that he blocked me on Twitter, as did a couple of his allies and sock accounts. No matter. I continued my research.

It was when I published the results of that research that the shit hit the fan. I inadvertently exposed Thomas Schoenberger in the act of committing felonies. He was trying to perpetrate a fraud, and the subjects that I interviewed talked about it.

It is possible that my interviews put the final nail in the coffin of his attempt to broker a deal with SONY, Insurgent Media, whomever. Schoenberger tried to claim the intellectual property of 3301 as his own, but he was not the author. He was a collaborator in making puzzles, even a coordinating figure: but he was not a lone creator, and he could not claim a copyright. 

As I continued my research, publishing articles along the way, the attacks on me by Schoenberger became more bitter and angry. He thinks that I am attempting to act like an authority figure with him. This is not the case. I would prefer to explain who he was, and what his role was in 3301, and move on. Unfortunately, I must defend myself from endless ad hominem attacks.

In the course of my research I learned more about the sad, criminal existence of Thomas Schoenberger. He is a convicted felon with multiple arrests for DUI on his rap sheet. His felonies were for stalking, a behavior which appears to be clinical and obsessive with him. He torments a list of 33 documented victims. He was involved in the suspicious deaths of three “suicided” victims, and he has, so far, evaded scrutiny. 

Schoenberger flies beneath the radar. He has an acute sense of boundaries, he knows how far he can go. He periodically consults with old schoolmates who happen to be lawyers, and his behavior changes. At one time, he accused me of working for the CIA. This can be a felony. After he was appraised of it, Schoenberger shifted, saying that I am “former DHS.” Both are false, but blowing the cover of a clandestine officer is a felony and exposing a former DHS official is not. Just one example. 

He also claimed that he had a law enforcement “shield,” saying that his “former brother in law” is a ranking FBI agent. When someone advised him that this could be an improper abuse of a familial relationship, again, he changed his behavior. 

As Schoenberger realized that he defamed me, calling me a pedophile, or a consort of pedophiles, a drug smuggler, a human trafficker, his diatribes against me became less precise and increasingly ad hominem. In his latest smears, I weigh “370 lbs,” and that appears to be the lone accusation that he can make anymore. Fat shaming. I am no longer as svelte as I was, but Schoenberger outweighs me by a lot. He knows it, too. He is obsessed with such trivialities.

In the course of my research, I uncovered proofs of multiple frauds perpetrated by Thomas Schoenberger. Some of them were adjudicated in courtrooms. Others, not, or not yet. He is sued by Ms. Bogaerts, and Mr. Hoffman is attempting to serve a lawsuit upon him. Mr. Davis also may have a legal proceeding underway against him. I filed a formal report on him with the FBI, and that is all that I will say about that. The wheels of justice grind very slowly, but they do grind finely. And I am a very patient man. I know how to lay in ambush.

I told Mr. Schoenberger that if if he kept my name out of his mouth, that I would leave him alone. And I did. Then he started testing boundaries, with his socks and co-conspirators making provocative statements. I considered our agreement void. 

I am willing to try again. I have no need to waste precious time tussling with a clinically ill sociopath. If he keeps my name out of his mouth, and enforces the same discipline on the socks and co-conspirators under his control, I will leave him alone. This would be a good deal for him, as the details of his multiple malfeasances are not just grotesque—some of them are hilarious. I have no need to humiliate him. I just wish to be left alone to write my history of 3301.

I am content to let history judge whether I do good work or ill. It will happen faster if I can gloss over the details of the failed life of Thomas Schoenberger. I am not writing a biography of a conman.  I am writing the history of a clandestine digital order, one of the first, and definitely one of the most significant, to this day.

My offer is tabled. It is sincere. We can return to a relative peace, or I can continue smashing Mr. Schoenberger like a meat piñata.