Ideal Love Fantasy: Borderline and Covert Borderline (starts 49:01!) (Odd Couples part 3)
Channel: Prof. Sam Vaknin
Date: 2023-10-18

0:00 Borderline as failed narcissist: why the failure?  40:18 Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) in DSM  49:01 Covert Borderline and Borderline Types in Love

The classic Borderline offers the Covert Borderline an ideal love fantasy which he craves. But his ideal partner is a codependent "shy or quiet" borderline. 

Borderline is a failed narcissist because she has an intermittent mother, not a dead one: intermittent reinforcement allows the borderline to perceive external objects by outsourcing ego functions and even her body despite her huge narcissistic investment.

The narcissist gave up on the externality of separate objects because they are bound to frustrate and hurt. The borderline still has hope: she interacts with separate external objects via merger and fusion, by becoming their internal object. 

Covert borderline is a child who was first subjected to a dead mother and then to an intermittent but loving mother. He is trying to recreate this love. 

Shy or quiet borderline: useful idea miscast as a diagnosis.

Borderline’s anaclitic object choice

Narcissist’s fantasy is to be loved by a mother figure

Covert Borderline’s fantasy is ideal love expressed through children

Borderline’s fantasy is be regulated by secure base, special friend, rock
All experience shadow via their partners (Archaic wounds, V-spots)

LITERATURE

WATCH Borderline’s Partner: Some Enter Healthy, Exit Mentally Ill https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16x7bvr85u8

WATCH Borderline Demonizes Partner, Pathologizes Narcissist (Or Herself) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yc5yf4pjt5Y

Articles and book by: Grotstein, Kernberg, Masterson, Rinsley, Searles, Gunderson, Rosenfeld, Steiner, Brown, McDougall, Green, Modell, Volkan, Giovacchini, Stone, Boyer, Meissner, Bion, Balint, Khan, Bowlby, Winnicott, Jacobson

WATCH Odd Couples: Codependent-Codependent, Narcissist-Narcissist (1st in Series) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IuegI8OWERk

WATCH How Covert Narcissist Deceives Covert Borderline and He Loves It (2nd in Odd Couples Series) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FonsjXlf_I0

Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3