Narcissist First Discards You in His Mind, Then in Reality (EXCERPT)
Channel: Prof. Sam Vaknin
Date: 2022-07-30

Discard reenacts unresolved separation phase. 

Individuation depends on devaluation (in order to preserve grandiosity and exit the shared fantasy) and externalization-projection (reversal of internalization-introjection). When either of these two processes fails, hoovering results.

So, emotionally, discard precedes devaluation. The narcissist hangs on to his partner only in order to complete the devaluation. 

Devaluation resembles also the separation phase in adolescence: reactance (defiance), contempt, distancing, negative identity formation, approach-avoidance. 

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