P!nk- "Glitter In The Air" 10 year challenge anniversary tik tok
Channel: Xander marX
Date: 2023-01-06

i always wanted to believe in the goodness of others— little did i realize as i grew up—i had to be, & was the kindness i was seeking. ten years ago today i had the courage to stand up with a shaking voice & start my journey of this lifetime. i got first chair in my regional tenor 2 section choir the same day. thank you to my music teachers for loving & nurturing me in the face of me being sexualized, objectified, harrassed & discarded by my peers. thank you @P!NK for helping me survive my childhood & giving me a voice. here is a new performance of the iconic grammy showstopper “#GLITTERINTHEAIR” exactly 10 years later. 

condensed reflection:

over ten years, i have transformed my life, transformed my body, rigorously trained my voice & production skills along with my relationship with my spirituality & mental health. due to being A CHILD at the time, i looked to my loved ones & other “trusted” confidantes to help guide me in the right direction. i WAS insecure due to being harassed, objectified, sexualized & discarded all at the same time while being probed about my sexuality as a preteen-- sexually harassed in the lockerooms before i even had an understanding of what sex really meant but kids would ask me “if i wanted their tongue up my ass” & a literally pos telling someone “hes worthless you shouldnt be talking to him” or something along those lines. demonized by a church that was supposed to be a safe space for me to connect with god. having other kids put me in sexually uncomfortable & violating situations, then turn around, insinuate like i was the one ensuing these situations. i came home to certain family members cringing & gagging whenever intimate lgbtq+ representation was shown on screen— i was always uncomfortable enough with a group of people being viewed as gross for simply existing, but little did i know just how close to home it was. i guess ya’ll knew before i did, i just wish you weren’t so damn cruel about it. how does A GROWN ASS MATURE ADULT justify sneering, glaring & demonizing a depressed CHILD trying to process difficult emotions minding their own business in a pool? how DOES A GROWN ASS ADULT justify manipulating & having a full blown facebook argument with a CHILD mocking their passions? forming an entire music group to shit all over me & bs about what a gay satanic loser i was for simply trying to discuss being upset about being mocked for artists i related to & found comfort in? not to mention the recent psychological warfare that has ensued in the past few years after my darkest day. i could recount things till my face is blue by the way my childhood psychological violence has led to acts of literal exploitation & criminal/domestic violence growing up, & is unforgivable when it comes to certain individuals. finding out one of my most trusted individuals put their hands on a loved one when they weren't even in the double digits still shakes me to my core. ironically, in getting better & more comfortable & confident in myself & speaking out, i have magically turned into this awful abusive narcissist to people i kindly talked to even in our last moments. i tried & proceeded with kindness in all these relationships till their dying breath. im tired of grieving. im tired of having to let go of people i adored when all i ever wanted was to build a life with them. i cant be gaslighted anymore, i know & knew my intentions/thoughts & will not let my reality be warped like that ever again. i will continue to speak so as little individuals as possible have to go through what ive been going through most of my life. im sad, especially considering the peace ive found finally leaving that life behind me. love isn’t supposed to hurt & love isn’t supposed to be judgmental. ive seen what love should look like in such a short amount of time with people who’ve been kind & respectful towards me while barely knowing me. i have given all the people who have mishandled me in my past the kindness of anonymity, but i will not sit down in silence & shut up anymore. despite this only being the tip of the iceberg of countless memories ive been able to healthily process in my newfound safe space I HAD TO WORK FOR & EARN, i will continue to be kind & me telling my life story isn't an act of cruelty. I WILL BE HEARD. to everyone who understands me, you aren't alone. SPEAK NOW.

to all the support ive received in the past few years, thank you. dear god, thank you for the spiritual gifts you’ve given me or i would have been dead a long ass time ago. im a polyamorous bisexual, trippy stoner ass artist & you've unconditionally shown me your kindness, glory & grace even in my darkest moments. sodom & gomorrah was never about same sex love… IT WAS ABOUT AN ACT OF VIOLENT GANGRAPE ON A GROUP OF MEN. men shall not not lie with man…. was retranslated in 1946 from MAN SHALL NOT LIE WITH CHILD. get some morals. stop justifying hate.

amen.