Lamentations of a Recovering Pastor - Master Spirit Tester
Channel: James T Wood
Date: 2020-10-12

In honor of National Coming Out Day 2020 I'm sharing a preview of my spoken word poem: "Lamentations of a Recovering Pastor"

If you'd like to find out more about my work and/or support the completion of this poem please visit https://www.patreon.com/JamesTWood

OR

http://www.jamestwood.com

I'm a recovering pastor
master spirit-tester
breath-suspecter
suffocating
in a hurricane
oblivious to the pain
conditioning ingrained
in me

slowly I'm learning
while my lungs are burning
and my guts are churning
a new truth is dawning
older than time

the breath I sequestered
unvoiced acceptance
of my non-status
as quo
queer
said Edmund 
to Lucy over mouthfuls
of Turkish delight
quizzically I wondered
why
in gym class
smearing the queer was
grammatically correct
me if I'm wrong
I got confused how
the Halls we Decked
could rock clothes that are gay
but there's no fucking way
that breath would stray
through my lungs

I'm no chump
quickly I learned
questions unvoiced
though unanswered
also bear the virtue of being
un-mocked
un-targeted
un-punished
by systems of fragility
rejecting me
as other
queer quandary of curiosity
cloistered in my mind

for all my degrees
for all my study
nobody taught me 
testing spirits is easy
just breathe
find your center
and your balance
compassion and ease
feel your body
find gratitude and grace
lessons learned 
in daily doses
YouTube delivered algorithm
of Yoga with Adrienne 
guiding me first to see
my breath could be
my spirit
and my beautiful body
bends to receive its forms

carried away 
in a tornado
home fallen
on which story
my body will tell
climbing the trauma ladder
well up 
into delight
received in a deep breath
feeling my body hold
the spirit 
in a warm
wet embrace
and test
just how queer
and curious
this recovering pastor's 
life
will get