Insider View of YOU in Shared Fantasy
Channel: Prof. Sam Vaknin
Date: 2020-08-16

Narcissists and psychopaths abuse women - including sexually - as an ongoing test: Will they continue to be useful? Will they act with malice? What is their breaking point? (In other words: are they mothers - or whores?)

Narcissists and psychopaths are interested only in two types of interactions: (1) Adulation and (2) Stress testing limits and boundaries via abuse and sadistic sex acts (despoiling). 

Narcissists and psychopaths are not interested in intimacy, friendship, companionship, or reciprocated adult sex. 

MOUSETRAP (CHRISTIE)

The narcissists's and psychopaths’s show goes on throughout their lives. The ensembles of actors change, but the play remains the same: the shared fantasy. The actors are interchangeable, commoditized.

Narcissists and psychopaths crave the state of shared fantasy because it is an exit strategy from their lives and allows them to not be themselves. 

The shared fantasy is an organizing principle and imbues the narcissists and psychopaths’s existence with cinematic color, meaning, direction, thrills, and goals. 

But, being a fantasy, this dream state is vicarious and, comfortingly has no real-life consequences.

When in a shared fantasy, the narcissists and psychopaths are "normal" and hopeful: they possess (faux, grandiose and erotomanic) "emotions", make (unrealistic and delusional) "plans", and are (manically) upbeat and energized. It is a self-induced, largely controlled, manic state, akin to Bipolar Disorder.

Shared fantasies come in three forms:

With a man

With a woman 

Creative work 

Shared fantasies are the only way out of the sometimes life-threatening clinical depression which invariably follows failures, injuries, and mortifications 

Narcissists and psychopaths are actually not into sex (but into sadistic despoiling) and are not interested in money (but in economic security or power). Thus, their measure of self-actualization is the extent of time spent within the shared fantasies.

The narcissists and psychopaths’s lives are comprised of cycles of long shared fantasies, followed by short major depressive episodes. 

During these long depressions, they hoard, collect, author texts, overeat, watch films, withdraw socially and romantically, avoid sex, shower frequently.

Only one type of shared fantasy is sufficient to sustain the narcissists and psychopaths’s wellbeing. When another person provides all three shared fantasy types combined it fosters unbroken attachment.

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