TALK GENTLY Harmonious Connections: Nonviolent Communication NVC 4 Better Relationships & Wellbeing
Channel: Feel Better
Date: 2024-02-21

#communicationskills #relationshiptips  #personaldevelopment 

Only the weak are cruel.  Gentleness can only be expected from the strong.
- LEO BUSCAGLIA

00:30 Introduction to Nonviolent communication
01:32 Four ways of Irrational and reflexive way of talking
02:09 Nonviolent Communication Step 1: Observe
02:35 Nonviolent Communication Step 2: Feelings
03:06 Nonviolent Communication Step 3: Needs
03:35 Nonviolent Communication Step 4: Requests

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In our daily lives, we often see people struggling to communicate.   Words are spoken, but they don't have the desired effect.   In fact, they often make things worse and worsen relationships and emotions.   Today, I want to introduce you to "Nonviolent Communication," a model of communication that aims to improve relationships with others and with ourselves.

Nonviolent Communication (NVC) was developed by American psychologist Marshall B. Rosenberg.   Its purpose is to enhance interpersonal relationships, self-love, improve communication, reduce verbal violence and bullying, and relieve emotional pain.   You might think that "violent communication" sounds extreme and that you rarely engage in it.   However, it refers to excessive criticism, judgment, distorted communication, and even self-harm or harm to others.   Misusing "violent communication" often happens when our needs aren't being met and we reflexively and irrationally express our emotions to fight for what we want.   Here are four types of statements that can arise:

1. Moral judgments, such as: "You're always so lazy."
2.  Comparisons, such as: "They work so much faster than you."
3.  Avoiding responsibility, such as: "The boss told me to do it, so I had no choice."
4 . Making unreasonable demands, such as: "If you don't help with the housework, you're irresponsible."

Nonviolent Communication consists of four simple steps that emphasize objective and honest acceptance of ourselves and others.  The four steps are: observation, feelings, needs, and requests.

Step 1: Observation
Start by expressing what you have observed about the other person's behavior at a specific time and place, without "judging.   " For example, instead of complaining to a colleague about late report submissions, you can say:  "In the past two instances, you submitted the reports two days past the deadline."   This approach is less likely to trigger resistance and defensiveness from the other person.

Step 2: Feelings

     After sharing your objective observation, express your own feelings and try to empathize with the other person's feelings, demonstrating empathy.   For example, say:  "When we submit reports late to our superiors, I feel anxious."   It's important to differentiate between feelings and emotions, such as anxiety or sadness.   Avoid phrases like  "I feel that you're wrong," as they express opinions and criticism.   Be mindful of this distinction!

Step 3: Needs
Everyone has basic needs, such as physical well-being, love, respect, and a sense of safety.   After understanding both parties' feelings, try to express the underlying needs and acknowledge each other's needs.   In the past, we might have said to someone,  "You're so loud, you're driving me crazy!"   However, with Nonviolent Communication, we would suggest saying:  "When you speak loudly, I feel agitated because I need a quiet environment to work."

Step 4: Requests
After observing, understanding feelings, and acknowledging needs, we can make clear requests.   For example, you may request that the other person values your needs and submits reports on time.   At the same time, you may also consider fulfilling some of their needs, such as offering assistance in drafting certain sections.   It's important to note that a request is not a command, and when expressing it, respect the other person's choice.

Nonviolent Communication is a powerful tool for fostering understanding and resolving conflicts.   By practising these four steps, we can create a more peaceful and compassionate communication environment.   Remember, it takes time and practice to develop this skill, but the positive impact it can have on our relationships is worth the effort.

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Disclaimer: The information presented in this video is intended for educational purposes only and should not be used as a substitute for professional diagnosis. If you are experiencing any physical, emotional, or mental health concerns, it is strongly advised to seek assistance from qualified medical doctors, psychologists, or psychiatrists.