Mortify, Exit: Red Pill Narcissistic Abuse (Relationship Awareness Theory)
Channel: Prof. Sam Vaknin
Date: 2021-02-24

Exit the narcissist's prison, Truman show, or matrix: take the red pill! Mortify the narcissist and abandon him: confront, humiliate/reflect, then soothe. Soothing him creates internal mortification (he cannot cast you as the evil one and has to blame himself for his predicament).

Mortification is combo projection, introjection, and acting out.

Attachment style determined in early childhood and is about object constancy (absence/presence): created by balance between anxiety/fear (of engulfment or hurt) and need to be loved.

Shared space created by need to be loved: intimacy, experiences, memories, emotions (=schema). It never leads to engulfment, enmeshment, merger, or fusion.

Shared space is evocative and a part of identity.

Shared fantasy is counterfactual and not part of identity (alien, intrusive, estranged). You become a mere internal object in the narcissist's mind.

Conflict between attachment and fantasy leads to acting out.

Acting out in personality disorders: defiance/reactance, contumaciousness/counterdependence, withdrawal/avoidance.

False Self is also an attempt to be loved (you can’t love my true self, how about this?).

The narcissist's life is structured in order to avoid conflict with powerful godlike introjects by negating one’s identity (parents, god, society, role models, influential peers).

Mortification proves the introjects right: "I am not lovable because I am deficient and inadequate even as a fake/actor".

Relationship awareness theory

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