Fear of Intimacy Rationalized
Channel: Prof. Sam Vaknin
Date: 2017-09-23

Everything You Need to Know about Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Abuse - click on this link: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq1.html

Fear of Intimacy

The inner dialog, inner script, of people who fear intimacy is comprised of several strands:

This (potential) intimate partner will destroy my life. I will be left with nothing and no one;

I am no good. I am crazy. I will hurt this (potential) intimate partner and destroy his or her life. I must get away from him/her for his/her own good;

Devaluing the (potential) intimate partner: focusing on his weaknesses, shortcomings, mistakes, misjudgements, and failures;

Imagining the future with the (potential) intimate partner as bleak, unpleasant, with bad, painful outcomes ("He will anyhow leave me, hurt me, or living with him will be dull and oppressive");

Distrusting the (potential) intimate partner to make one happy, disbelieving his/her intentions, feeling that (s)he is manipulating and imprisoning one;

Doubting one's own judgement, one's ability to choose right and appraise the situation correctly;

Diffuse anxiety, an uncomfortable but fuzzy sensation that something real bad is happening or about to happen and one needs to get away before the catastrophe hits.

(From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 3 DVDs with 16 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/thebook.html)