Sadistic Narcissist Attracted to Himself Through YOU (Autoerotism)
Channel: Prof. Sam Vaknin
Date: 2024-03-25

How can the sadistic narcissist be sure that people do indeed find him irresistible? That they are not manipulating him or telling him what he wants to hear?

He tests them in two ways:

1. By subjecting them to narcissistic abuse; and 
2. By presenting sexual demands and practices which are disgusting, shameful, debasing, degrading, and humiliating. Kink, threesomes, group sex, sadomaso, and paraphilias. 

If his partners stick around despite the abuse and also consider his sexual wishes and predilections alluring, it must mean that they find him irresistible. 

But he needs them to give enthusiastic consent or even initiate the sex acts and practices. Such consent and enthusiasm serve to emphasize the sadistic narcissist’s irresistibility. 

Unlike the classic, non-narcissistic sadist, the sadistic narcissist assiduously shuns all forms of coercion because it detracts from his self-perception as irresistible. 

When the grandiosity of the sadistic narcissist is challenged or undermined in any way (narcissistic injury or mortification), no amount of enthusiastic consent and no number of willing partners can convince him of his irresistibility. He decathects himself (self-rejects) and loses his sex drive altogether, becoming celibate. 

Sadistic narcissists use hatebombing and abuse to loyalty test the partner. 

The sadistic narcissist is exhibitionistic and autoerotic. His body is his exclusive sex and love object (narcissistic libido). He is not aroused by other people, their minds or their bodies. He is impervious to flirting or seduction. 

He apprehends his body through other people’s gaze (exhibitionism) and then gets aroused and consummates the sex with masturbation which often involves self-inflicted masochistic or paraphiliac acts and, more rarely, crossdressing. 

Self-penetration with sex toys and objects is common as are caressing, hugging, or kissing erotogenic parts the body: an enactment of intercourse with oneself. 

But to yield arousal, other people’s gaze must confirm to the sadistic narcissist his omnipotence and irresistibility.

It goes like this in the mind of the sadistic narcissist: 

“People find me irresistible. Since I am irresistible to others, I find myself irresistibly attractive as well. So, now I can have sadomasochistic sex with a perfect object: with irresistible me.”

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