Don't Slip on the Ice — Angela Brett at Open Phil, 29 January 2019
Channel: Angela Brett
Date: 2019-02-11

Oh jeeze, this mic picks up all the breathing noises and I'm still not good at breath control on stage. In this video, I talk to Phil Conrad (the host of Open Phil) about the upcoming JoCo Cruise, reveal the identity of the surprise final performer at Open Phil, summarise a friend's partner's misfortune, and then recite my slightly misguided love poem, Don't Slip on the Ice. You can hear Mister Apple singing it at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OB1r1V5LLlM (I hope it's okay to link the video here, give that it's unlisted) or read the words at https://angelastic.com/2013/01/27/jack-of-clubs-dont-slip-on-the-ice/ or indeed right here:

Don’t trip on the ice; the pain ain’t numbed because it’s colder.
Find somewhere cosier to dislocate your shoulder.
Trip up on a chair, trip down flights of stairs, trip over a rug.
Don’t trip on the ice but trip on a safe and legal drug.

Don’t fall on the ice; they won’t believe you when it’s melted.
There are more likely ways to end up bruised and welted.
Fall from peaceful bird strike when your plane’s hit by a dove.
Don’t fall on the ice, that’s not very nice, but fall in love.

For you can live with broken bones, but not a broken heart,
and if your heart is ice then you are dead right from the start.
So break yourself in ice-free ways and when you can’t run free,
leave your bones in my safe cage, and leave your heart to me.

Don’t slip on the ice; your body slows down the Zamboni.
If you must lie still, be a hurdle for a pony.
Slip to fill holes in roads, get hurt in a loads-more-useful way.
Don’t slip on the ice but slip on a sweet wee negligee.

Don’t drop through the ice; you’ll wreck the lake-top’s smooth complexion.
Break your own skin to manifest your imperfection.
Drop out of the game, drop into a flame, drop dead flambé.
Don’t drop through the ice, drop into my life, warm me today.

For you can live with broken bones, but not a broken heart,
and if your heart is ice then you are dead right from the start.
So break yourself in ice-free ways and when you can’t run free,
leave your bones in my safe cage, and leave your heart to me.

Don’t trip on the ice but trip on a safe and legal drug
Don’t fall on the ice, that’s not very nice, but fall in love
Don’t slip on the ice but slip on a sweet wee negligee,
Don’t drop through the ice, drop into my life, warm me today.

After that I performed my 'rap' about why I perform at open mics. I'll put both of the performances in this playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLJ-l6mr1dW0iN_DPFr11dtecZp9qji6Lx