When The Shy Girl Has Enough | Damini Kane | inkStation | #1 Open Mic.
Channel: inkStation
Date: 2017-03-21

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Poem- 

When The Shy Girl Has Enough

If eyes are windows, 
then my mouth is a door
without a spare key. You see,
I open on my terms,
in my time,
with my words. 

You’re watching me, gaze sliding 
like railways on a track, just back
and forth, back, and forth, 
head packed like a Mumbai Local in rush hour.

I can see you standing, mind swirling, as
questions jostle, stepping on toes, no apologies.
And you hold onto one thought like a pocket of oxygen, 
you say it aloud in your head, say it aloud in your head.

Then you say it aloud;
“you’re so shy.”
I don’t know what you expect me to reply. 
Buddy…you don’t know the half of it.

So I’ll admit:

conversation is like walking through a forest
wearing high heels and a tight skirt,
struggling to stand as your shoes entangle in creepers
and cobwebs and puddles you weren’t meant to fall into.

I am shy. And I know ‘alone’ is a magic mist
showing different things to different people.
My singular coffee cup is not an invitation.
Please don’t think I need a shoulder to cry on.
I have two already, thanks. 
They carry me well.

I am shy. And I know ‘alone’ must mean I’m haughty,
looking at you with that silent, judgemental stare. 
Writing in notebooks makes me hipster.
Checking my phone makes me shallow.
Reading makes me pseudo-intellectual.

I am shy. So my perspective is written for me.
I’m romanticised.
Fetishised. 
Objectified.

So let me set the record straight:

I’m shy like a leopard in a jungle that only 
comes out when she wants to.
When you chase her, your cameras
catch blurry images of a creature that doesn’t give a damn 
about your new Canon lens.

I’m shy like dark clouds
that can sometimes spring into tornados of voice;
although tornados live for just ten minutes,
they connect heaven with earth,
and will kill you. 

I’m shy like the sun.
You see, I keep a distance.
This doesn’t fit your narrative, but the truth
Is that I’m too powerful for you to get close. 

If my eyes are windows, like the clichés decree,
then my mouth is a door that opens when I want. 
And if it opens for you,
congratulations.

I’m shy.
Showing a little respect,
would be good for your health.