Destructo Reads: Kotaku's Sonic Bed Sexhaver Manifesto
Channel: DrDestructo
Date: 2012-02-28

Article can be found here: http://kotaku.com/5888677/how-i-achieved-greatness-on-a-sonic-the-hedgehog+themed-bed . Just so you know I'm not making this awful shit up.

EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP AND OPEN PALM SLAM A CARTRIDGE INTO MY SEGA GENESIS. IT'S SONIC 2 AND RIGHT THEN AND THERE I START DOING THE MOVES ALONGSIDE WITH THE MAIN CHARACTER, SONIC THE HEDGEHOG. I DO EVERY MOVE AND I DO EVERY MOVE HARD. MAKIN WHOOSHING SOUNDS WHEN JAM MY DICK IN SOME GIRL OR EVEN WHEN I MESS UP TECHNIQUE.

This is an article that actually exists. Someone honestly wrote this.