Weak People Pleasers? Walk Away!
Channel: Prof. Sam Vaknin
Date: 2021-11-19

Weak people terrify me. Weakness of character is indistinguishable from evil. The weak are suggestible, malleable, mutable and, therefore highly unstable, unreliable, and untrustworthy.

People pleasing and an inability to say “no” even to the most degrading offers and demands lead the weak to reckless, disgraceful, and antisocial acts. They are enablers in the worst sense of the word: aid and abet the self-destructiveness of others.

Gradually, to survive their wracking guilt, shame, and self-loathing, they evolve into narcissists and psychopaths. They mistake defiance for boundaried assertiveness.

They betray their loved ones and breach their own fragile and permeable boundaries time and again just in order to fit in and be “liked” or to counter loneliness and boredom.

Many weak folks are mentally ill. They suffer from Borderline or Dependent personality disorder, for example. But others have been conditioned by needy and selfish parents to become subservient and self-denying.

Rescuer/savior/fixer types are attracted to weak mates. They crave the omninpotence that comes with the territory, but also the drama: ups and downs, pain, sweet reconciliations after tumultuous fights, intermittent reinforcement, and trauma bonding.

Some intimate partners of the weak mistake the people pleaser for the empathic, kind, loving, and altruistic sort. They are in for a rude awakening as s/he pivots and cheats or lies or betrays just in order to gain the approval and continued presence of others.

Many weak people also provoke abuse, stray compulsively, prevaricate habitually, abuse substances, engage in extreme sexual self-trashing, and act recklessly - all forms of self-harming.

Some high functioning patients compartmentalize their mental illness: an accomplished professional by day prostitutes herself intoxicated by night; a beloved medical doctor turns pedophile after working hours; a respected politician burgles homes by moonlight.

Their mental illness functions like a pressure valve, a dysregulated and unboundaried release of anxiety, depression, antisocial impulses and other derangements.

Forgive these people, don’t rage or mourn what could have been. Don’t let their accomplishments and standing in society mislead you: there is nobody home, they know not what they are doing, they are spiralling out of control, threatening to take you with them.

Do not try to make sense of the choices and actions of such poor miscreants and misfits - for there is none. Just move on with your life and forget them.

Remember: you are under no obligation to sacrifice yourself and to love the mentally ill. Your remote sympathy and pity are sufficient offerings.

Safeguard your life and sanity, stay away, and remove such people from your life posthaste, regardless of how agonizing such a breakup may be to you. No contact.

Do not be a rescuer or savior or fixer - lest you end up being in need of rescuing, saving, and fixing.

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