Reframing YOU in Narcissist's Shared Fantasy
Channel: Prof. Sam Vaknin
Date: 2021-03-28

YOU are REFRAMED IN THE SHARED FANTASY

Narcissists reframe the way they perceive promiscuous partner to render them fit for the shared fantasy.

Extreme promiscuity reframed as having been sexually exploited or abused (to preserve the woman’s essential “goodness”) – this triggers the rescuer/savior in him.

Emotional stunting (infantilization) – this allows him to render her dependent and submissive.

Lack of insightful self-awareness – this allows him to play the role of guru or father.

Dissociation – this allows him to construct a fake biography of the woman conducive to idealization in the shared fantasy.

Denial, literal thinking – this legitimizes his aggression.

Adulation or acknowledgment of his superiority. The combination of malicious total devaluation and self-trashing promiscuity with others (transforming him into a mere statistic, an indistinguishable conquest) causes severe injury, even mortification.

Easier to dump primary psychopathic borderlines than secondary ones because they are malicious.

ONE NIGHT STANDS

Many people ask me: “What’s your beef with casual sex?” I have none. Casual sex with friends (with benefits) or in situationships is a wonderful way to communicate emotions, compassion, comfort, and enhance wellbeing.

My problem is with one night stands. Never mind what hookup adherents tell you, the biological and psychological data are overwhelming: they involve emotions, attachment, and intimacy to varying degrees. To deny and repress these repeatedly sounds a lot like self-trashing to me.

Moreover: participants in one night stands report liking and trusting the partner. But they refuse to explore further: they deny themselves the incalculable riches and pleasures that real intimacy - getting to know the intricacies of another person - provides. One night stands are about self-gratification, power, and objectification of the other: the hallmarks of narcissism and psychopathy.

Indeed, recent studies in 21 countries have all come to the same conclusions: the vast majority of people who engage in one night sex (and compulsive sexting) possess marked dark triad traits (narcissism, psychopathy, Macchiavelianism).

"An online survey was completed by 6093 participants (Mage = 20.35; SDage = 3.63) from 11 different countries which covered four continents (Europe, Asia, Africa, and America). Participants completed the Sexting Behaviors Questionnaire and the 12-item Dark Triad Dirty Dozen scale. Results: Hierarchical regression analyses showed that sharing own sexts was positively predicted by Machiavellianism and Narcissism. Both risky and aggravated sexting were positively predicted by Machiavellianism and Psychopathy. Conclusions: The present study provided empirical evidence that different sexting behaviors were predicted by Dark Triad Personality Traits, showing a relevant role of Machiavellianism in all kinds of investigated sexting behaviors." (Morelli, Urbini, Bianchi et al.,; International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health 2021, 18(5), 2526; doi:10.3390/ijerph18052526)

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