Alternative Burns, Tchai Ovna
Channel: jingsmckay
Date: 2012-01-27

A reading from the Alternative Burns' Night, hosted by the Better Crack Club in Tchai Ovna in the west end of Glasgow. Perhaps Scotland's only Burns' Night with nae meat and nae booze? A great night in the storytelling calendar. The words are all below, though you'll see from the video that there's almost as much general chat as there is poetry.

Full title of the poem is "A poem, chiefly in the Glesga dialect (well, think Glesga but unnerstaunable) --
Though when you've heard it you might think of our other Scottish bard, McGonagall!"

Ye'll ken this lad from Alloway
He's the reason we're all here today --
In twenty twelve, a long, long time
Since his birth in 1759 --

His name, you'll know already, lad
But that's not the only name he had -
He started off the Ploughman's Poet
As he sang in the field as he worked to sow it!

He became the Robden of the Solway Firth
As he shot to fame and proved his worth
With poems, ditties, rhymes and odes
He penned a few, jings, he's penned a load!

He was titled "Scotland's favourite son"
Not just then, but now as well -- he won
STVs search for the "Greatest Scot"
Beating Logie, Billy, Bruce, the lot!

We all know his life, but would you guess
His surname was actually Burness?
Aye, Burns, the poet! A national treasure
And still here tonight he brings us pleasure

His poems I'll not go into, see
If you were taught in school the same as me
You'll know them all, though not by heart
But just the wee important parts --

-=-=-
A Red Red Rose -- a ditty about a love that is so new
But will last long as well, but who here in the room had knew
That he never wrote it! No, it was a song that he had heard
From the workers in the fields, it's just he put it down in word!

Then Ay Fond Kiss, so often sung, is a letter to a friend
That was put to music long after Burns' letter was first sent --
In brief, the lady friend had packed her bags and was to go
To Jamaica, so the poem's his way of saying "cheerio!"

He commented on our lives with poems in the Romantic style
Using nature to look at what we do and what really is worthwhile
A good example of the above would be his "To a louse"
And a bigger version (in every way!) the famous "To a mouse"!

"Is there for honest poverty" -- the now forgotten name
for "A man's a man for a' that", but the poem is the same!
And Tam o' Shanter, maybe Burns' best at that -
With a tail-less horse, some ghosties and a See You Jimmy hat!
-=-=-

So anyway! He worked the lan'
But now as a Custom's Exciseman
Taxing whisky, gin and even beer
(don't worry Rabbie, there's none round here!)

He got to "know" the Belles of Mauchline
(I'm sure they just did a lot of talking)
And he wrote many poems in order to garner
The arm of a lass who was called Jean Armour.

Lucky thing she could read what he wrote
As pronouncing it now's a skill ah've no goat
Is it foo or fu? Tae or Twa?
Anyway, he died at thirty seven (awww)

His wake was attended by a hunner, hunner (that's 10,000!)
Whoever paid the tab was scunnered!
'Cos the triangle sandwiches with cheese and ham
Were washed down by a hunner, hunner drams!

And after all that time to pass
We still pour a dram and toast a lass
But not tonight, not us, not I --
But we'll pour a tea and toast the Tchai!