His Name is Matt... (Brutal Dis!)
Channel: Clinton John Leon
Date: 2011-10-25

...and he's original as that! Folk snob gets owned! Mean. Funny. Deserved. The only cure for douchebag is... more cowbell! Hope you laugh. Share the love... or in this case... spite. And the moral of the story is... Don't insult cynical comdedians with home studios? Or something. ZOMBIE SWINGERS JUST ATE YOU ALIVE! ;) Cj

Now for a little poetic spite for all to enjoy...
Travesty and a pack of lies...
21st Century Folk Singer
by CJ Leon

Everybody loves him
(loves him)
when he's singing that cover.
(cover)
When he plays his mandolin
(mandolin)
it sounds like so many others
(others).
His voice could be that of anyone
(anyone).
His strumming is the standard drone
(drone).
His lyrics are worse than you'd believe
(Really.)
even for a writer who doesn't read.
(Ow!)

He's so glad that trad is rad
cuz nothing new is all he'll do.
His name is Matt
and he's original as that. x2
So, here's one that you've heard before,
another and another and then ten more. x2
He's a 21st Century folk singer:
a melodically soporific, elitist, hedonic, 
musically normalized, alcoholic, 
hetero-stereotypical egomaniac.

And if he wanted a comeback...
He'd turn fifty, 
join a 12-step program,
and start doing Dylan covers again...
Dylan covers again!

He's pretty good looking
(Yeah?)
if you squint your eyes from far enough away.
(Oh.)
There's a dim light in his eyes
(Huh?)
like he's not sure what to say.
(Ah.)
And for a guy who sings harmonies
(wa wa wa)
like the breeze sings the blue,
(oo oo)
he's straight and white as the jacket
(Uh-oh here it comes...)
they put his mother into.
(Low blow!)

He'd felch it out of his sidekick's butt.
Wait. I thought you said they weren't gay?
Well, it's not gay if you're on tour. 
Didn't you ever hear about that opera singer who used to give deep throat blow jobs to loosen up her throat?
I'm sure that could really help before you go up on stage and start doing Dylan covers again... Dylan covers again!

Now, Matt, every time you search an East Vancouver artist on youtube, I'd like you to remember whose grassroots initiative first put them there. Yeah, that's right! Say my name, bitch! And in case you've somehow missed what I've been doing since my injury keeps me at home, here's a little something to remember me by... I don't know if we really need to do this again. I think I've made my point, being: A little respect goes a long way.  Ah, what the Hell... Douchebag needs a cure.

Well, maybe not Dylan. He's more likely to dig up some anachronistic irrelevant ditty about freight trains or wagon wheels. Isn't that right, Matt? Oh, and happy birthday! Looks like I missed it by a couple days! Sorry about that. Congratulations! You're song #59.