Narcissist Hates Himself, So Can’t Love YOU
Channel: Prof. Sam Vaknin
Date: 2022-03-22

It is impossible to love others if you do not love yourself. All love is self-love: regarding yourself through the eyes of your lover allows you to apprehend yourself as an external object and delineate your boundaries, to become, to regulate your sense of self-worth internally, and to take on the world, becoming a better version of yourself.

Narcissism is not self-love: no self to love (Watch this: Ego is Opposite of Narcissism: Ego Functions https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bVjbnJLK4fQ ) and incapacity to love (they fail to generate self-object or object representations). They can cathect, but never love.

Narcissism is self-loathing: the child rejects his helpless self and his lack of self-efficacy and is ashamed of it. He creates the False Self which is everything the narcissist is not. Narcissism is a form of dysphoria, prolonged grief over an internalized bad object.

Watch this: Real Narcissists are Covert, Grandiose Narcissists are Psychopaths  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6coOyagz9A )

Ego Dystony

Ego discrepancy (self-discrepancy theory) 

Ego incongruency and depletion

Carl Rogers: mismatch between experience and awareness, tension between dreams and reality (grandiosity gap), feelings not aligned with actions

Humans are intentional, aim at goals, are aware that they cause future events, and seek meaning, value, and creativity: they seek to better themselves. 

Narcissists are unable to empathize and suffer from severe emotional and cognitive deficits up to the point of failing the reality test. They are, therefore, incapable of love and loving.

Narcissists do not love themselves: they are emotionally invested in a fictitious concoction, the False Self and in the reaction it garners from their sources of narcissistic supply.

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