Why Sex is Dead
Channel: Sam Vaknin's Musings
Date: 02/01/2022

Nothing new under the sun. History of modern love and sex: locus of power and control, type of sex. Every generation ADDS to repertory, so today enormous diversity of models and options.

2010-

Casual sex bad and dangerous, sometimes a form of self-harming (self-trashing): sex recession, celibacy
technology empowered atomization: self-sufficiency, relative positioning, fetishization of devices, addictive behaviors
Infantilization: puberty starts and ends years later, continuing education, living with parents, no jobs, not driving, not drinking, no unsupervised socializing, no adulthood markers, no committed relationships, marriage postponed
Between ages 30-40 difficult to find partners: men won’t commit, women despair and withdraw, no intimacy or relationship skills (“dating assignments”)
31% lifelong singles, another 30% single most of the time
Depression, anxiety, suicide on the rise among the young

Until the industrial revolution: 

arranged, 
economic, 
family is work unit, 
women’s wealth goes to man, 
man’s wealth inherited, mobility only for younger siblings
rare divorce, 
sex procreative, 
men outsource sex, 
brawn over brain

Industrial revolution to 1920

Singles in crowded cities
Functions of family outsourced (education in factory schools, healthcare, work), except succor and sex
Gentleman caller (chaperoned)
Women as gatekeepers
Emergence of romantic love, desire

1920-1950

Shortage of men owing to wars (makeup only for women: sexy, not sexual, self-objectification, spectatoring)
Automobile, phone, classified ads, cinema
Dating: fun, first and second base sex common, multiple partners (essentially casual sex)
Dating in college as status marker
Men pay, so have the power

1950-1960

Going steady: sex only in intimate relationships
Stay at home women more conservative than previous generations, men as providers

1960-1990

Golden age of sex:
free love, 
college parties,
feminism,
women empowered by the pill, employment, breaking the glass ceiling 
sex with multiple casual partners as an option but always leads to abundant sex in relationships, few singles
harbinger: first dating app in 1965

1990-2010

Hookup culture in colleges where women outnumber men 2:1
Casual sex normative and encouraged until age 30 
Porn as sex ed
Dating apps
Relationships perceived as threat (obstacles to career and self-actualization)

References

Why Are Young People Having So Little Sex? Kate Julian, The Atlantic, December 2018

The Talk: How Adults Can Promote Young People’s Healthy Relationships and Prevent Misogyny and Sexual Harassment, Richard Weissbourd with Trisha Ross Anderson, Alison Cashin, and Joe McIntyre, Making Caring Common Project

Sexual Hookup Culture: A Review, Justin R. Garcia,Chris Reiber,Sean G. Massey, Ann M. Merriwether, Rev Gen Psychol. 2012 June 1; 16(2): 161–176. doi:10.1037/a0027911.

Sexual Hook-up Culture, Continuing Education Corner

Declines in Sexual Frequency among American Adults, 1989–2014, Jean M. Twenge, Brooke E. Wells, Ryne A Sherman, Article in Archives of Sexual Behavior · November 2017, DOI: 10.1007/s10508-017-0953-1

Why Humans Have Sex, Cindy M. Meston Æ David M. Buss, Arch Sex Behav (2007) 36:477–507, DOI 10.1007/s10508-007-9175-2