Menstrual Disc: Where have you been? A Last Unicorn parody sketch to celebrate a blursed discovery
Channel: Ari R pronouns she or they
Date: 10/05/2021

This is not a sponsored video, nor is it a product review.


If I survive to see 2022, I will have been menstruating for 30 years. That's 30 years too long. Menstruation is one of the biological processes that drives my "Even if I believed in a creator god, which I don't, I sure as fuck would never worship him/her/them. I would not even respect him/her/them without some explanation and groveling." Slavery and capitalism are two of the social processes that drive the same frame of mind, but lemme not jump down that rabbit hole right now. Stay focused, woman! You've almost got a finished piece of shitty artwork! (And, yes, shitting is another of those processes. I LOVED Team America, but I can't watch the scat scene).


During these 30 years, I've experienced a broad range of menstrual cycle issues. I had a blissful little time in my early teens where my cycle was 2-3 days long and light flow. After my first missed cycle, those became rare months, and as my stress level and unhealthy activity (diffusion of innovation at work: everyday household objects and children's toys convert quickly and easily, but not necessarily safely or healthily into masturbatory aids-- FOCUS, WOMAN! That's for a separate video...) increased, so did my flow and cycle issues.


One of the things I did that fucked up my cycle was try the Depo shot shortly after I started college. I did NOT win the no menstruating lottery, AND I gained 40lbs in the 3 months I was on it. I do not intend to body shame with my "when I am THIS" shot, although I do still have to fight the urge sometimes. I have mad respect for the "wear our weight like armor" crowd. I also, however, have an eating disorder and a love of exercise. The fact that I ever approached 300lbs is a testament to how much I used to let my depression and binge disorder run my life. I don't love the appearance of my stretch marks or my saggy skin or my unevenly distributed pockets of fat, but I do love my body and the awareness and balance that yoga practice guides me towards (FOCUS!).


I finally purchased a menstrual disc, and I am trying desperately to ignore the potential cost to the environment I imagine for this life-changing little product and its packaging, filigreed with the lovely anatomical artwork that in part inspired this sketch. I was very appreciative of the learning materials created by the company that released the version of the product I tried but not entirely impressed with the insertion videos. Ideally, I would post an insertion demo myself and share it for free for educational purposes, but when I'm struggling to pay bills, it seems unreasonable to add to the "freaky exhibitionists do it for free so your business model is fail" issues facing the adult entertainment industry. I have also begun to imagine filming a live action parody of the hentai series Cool Devices featuring menstrual discs and cups. I hope someone with more artistic talent than me takes up that project - or an anime version! - STAT.


For about half of my 30 years menstruating, I've bled for more than a week out of the month. For all but 4 years, I've been un- or under-employed, and for all of that time, I've been un- or under-insured in terms of healthcare (For fuck's sake, don't get me started on that!), so I am one of the people who risks my health and safety to stretch my menstrual products as long as possible. I am 10 days into washing and reusing a disposable version of the brand of menstrual disc I purchased. I'm not sure that I'm up for the boil-and-reuse of the first one - I might use it to make art instead! - but it's a test I've considered.


This product works so well for me that I feel cruel about donating the remaining pads and tampons I have left. But even in a pandemic, it feels cruel and wasteful to trash them when I've relied more than once on donated menstrual products myself. And I'm sure, like any product, it's not for everyone. As for me, I'm excited to say goodbye to towels that reek of menstrual blood from gently patting to dry after a thorough scrub, to say goodbye to tampon rope burns and pads that steal the moisture I need with the blood they absorb, to say goodbye to wondering whether the sight, sound, or smell of a product in my pants screams to everyone in perceptive range "PERSON MENSTRUATING. PLEASE SHAME."


Goodbye, menstrual product shame and stress. Hello, convenient reusable gasket baggie. Thank you, people who imagined, designed, produced, and distributed this product. 



If you want to support people who menstruate, (a) donate menstrual discs to local schools, shelters, anywhere that accepts such donations and (b) accept menstrual needs and products as you do other bodily function needs and products.


Thumbnail image created using the GIMP app and Harrington font.