How to Love Me
Channel: Shan BOODY
Date: 26/07/2017

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Shannon "Boody" Boodram is a sex and relationship educator who promotes sexual empowerment through information and conversation. She creates contents for young adults to make better choices in their sex lives and romantic relationships. For more info on Shan visit 

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Music: YouTube library "Otis McDonald"

Endscreen Music
"City Lights" By Jared Brady
https://soundcloud.com/jaredbrady/city-lights-jared-brady-x-dvnni

http://enjoyjaredbrady.com

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This video is kinda inspired by my partner Jared Brady who has taught me two lifetimes in two years about understanding, self insight and mutuality - three of the pillars that hold up damn good love. But this video is mostly inspired by my plants who taught me a valuable lesson on love that I want to share with you today. 

When I first moved to LA I knew I wanted to live with life - and since I was single, couldn’t do roommates anymore and had wasn’t ready for a pet - that meant plants. I started out by making the classic mistake of buying whatever looked good. I'd bring it home all proud and water and re-pot my new homie then become infuriated when despite all my efforts the plant would die. At first I blamed the store - they sold me a bad seed. then I questioned its will to live. And after many failed attempts to love and live with plants, eventually I learned that their labels aren’t just decoration 

You see it didn’t matter if I wanted to love the plant or not, if I wasn’t prepared to love it the way it needed all of the good intentions in the world would not matter. And it made me think how often we do this to each other. How many relationships are built on putting people in environments and circumstances that just aren’t built for them to thrive in. How many people do we invite into our lives because we like the way they look not because we are confident we know how to look out for them?

I thought about all of the arguments where the focus isn’t understanding how to love one another but instead fuming because the other isn’t reacting appropriately to how we want to love them. 

And most of all I thought about the people who would rather duct tape brown leaves onto brittle branches than admit that they are just not capable of making the changes to love someone the way that they need.

Loving someone is a mix of compatibility and compromise. It’s listening to learn what we can do better and being honest enough to admit when we simply can’t or don’t want to.

But after coming to this epiphany it’s not as if all my plants are green and Godly. Yes I no longer buy new plants that need full sun if my place only gets a few hours at best. But I’ve moved 5 times in the past three years I’ve lived in LA and every new space brings a few plants to their knees. We can’t expect all of the ones we love to make massive changes to their needs just because we’ve changed ours. 

What if there was a way for us to communicate to others exactly what we need to thrive. What would those instructions look like and how much richer could our love lives be if those who wanted us wanted to understand us before attempting to love us.