Taker, User Narcissist Feels Loved, Vindicated
Channel: Prof. Sam Vaknin
Date: 2023-08-01

Both narcissists and psychopaths are users and takers. Akin to their mothers, to the environment they grew in, their giving is minimal and conditional.

When emotional exchange is excluded, only material ones survive: services, functions, goods. 

Taking=love=justice=grandiosity (being chosen, omnipotent, and omniscient) 
Extraction mindset: not “I am attracted to her because of who she is” but “I can get sex from her”; not “We love each other”, but “I can leverage her love to secure my goals”; not “We can be friends” but “He can introduce me to the right kind of people”.

Taking and using create power asymmetry, restores control, and assuage anxieties.

Cathexis: When you are of any use to them, they are charming, into you, solicitous, and helpful. The narcissist idealizes you. 

Decathexis: When you have nothing left to offer, they become cold, contemptuous, dismissive, and impatient. The narcissist devalues you.

Both types use a shared fantasy to mind control. But the narcissist is delusional (believes that the fantasy is real and coerces you to accept its reality) while the psychopath is merely being scheming and manipulative.

The narcissist’s shared fantasy can revolve around giving. He harvests narcissistic supply by giving or making himself available, accessible, and prey. 

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