Difficult Conversations Part 1: Why So Difficult?
Channel: BExceptional
Date: 22/11/2018

Please subscribe to my channel and leave a comment below!
Try my Leadership Playlist @ https: //www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLBFODwZMg04EQc-nqMmG-kTFVEH3fkBHH
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Website: http://www.bexceptional.com.au 
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/BExceptional.com.au
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/company/bexceptional
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Transcript:

Well, hello and welcome back. In this series, I'm going to help you understand why difficult conversations are so tough. I also want to share an approach that will have you and the person involved feeling positive about the process, your ongoing relationship, and the plan to move forward.
 
So, let's explore why difficult conversations are so difficult in the first place?
 First, leaders use formal approaches to improve performance, like appraisals or one-off documented performance discussions. These can add value, but only if they are part of regular, ongoing feedback that includes good, bad, and indifferent aspects of performance.

Secondly, leaders are taught informal techniques for giving critical feedback, like sandwiching, where you sandwich the bad news between two pieces of good news to soften the blow and hypothetically leave the person involved feeling wonderful about the whole situation. The bottom line here is that the s&%t sandwich, which is what most people on the receiving end call it, doesn’t work either. 

But why is that?
First, in evolutionary terms, we haven't evolved much from when our ancestors' survival depended on how attuned we were to her potential or real threats to our physical well-being.
 
, along with a predisposition to let negative thoughts and emotions have a disproportionate effect on us, means that our brain is constantly scanning for and looking for potential threats in our environment.
 
The bad news is that our ‘flight or fight’ response to potential threats still gets triggered when we even think about, let alone have, having a difficult conversation.
 
This usually plays out in two ways, you either avoid the conversation altogether or you prime yourself in advance for conflict and a negative experience, which seriously limits the prospect of having a productive and positive outcome.
 
Now I'll cover off the specifics of how to prime yourself for success and have that difficult conversation in the next video, but as I mentioned at the start, the keystone to success here is to have regular coaching conversations on performance, that are balanced, fair and include recognition. 

The so-called difficult conversation then becomes a normal conversation on performance and an integral part of your approach as a leader.
 
Well, that's it for this video if you like the content you might want to subscribe for my next video in the series.
 
If you have any questions, ideas for future videos or just want to chat on any subject relating to leadership get in touch using the links below.
 
Thanks and see you next time.