My Ex is Now Gay
Channel: Shan BOODY
Date: 2015-05-07

Head vs Heart is a web series where sex expert Shannon gives your questions two diferent answers and the viewers vote on which answer is the better advice.

This week's question:
My College Ex is now dating a man. During our last year dating I felt he was cold and distant, could this be why? We haven't spoken in two years but I am feeling very angry. Should I confront him for answers?

POLL LINK: http://vote.pollcode.com/51427473#sthash.XIAY6UYy.dpuf

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Transcript:

A - No. Can I go first please? I want to first start by talking about a great tool called the Kinsey Scale. It is a much more open way of looking at sexual orientation then simply gay or straight. On the Kinsey Scale a 0 is someone who is starkly, clearly, absolutely heterosexual and a 6 is the same for homosexuality. In between there are 5 other numbers that accurately depict where most of the rest of us sit – 3 being someone who is bisexual. Also you should assess where you are in action vs where you are mentally. For example we are a 0 in action and probably like a 2 
B: or 2.5
A: In fantasy
B: We are basically just waiting to get turned out. Hey mama
A: Anyway, at the end of the day whenever someone we love and lost falls for someone most of us caught in their feelings. So while I understand your frustration on a general level I also get there is the added element of feeling deceived. I really want you to push that out of your mind. Just because an individual now identifies with a different sexual orientation doesn’t mean that at the time they were not completely in love with you. Many 3’s for example prefer the term pansexual which means it’s about the quality of the character not the size of their pleasure organ that they fall in love with.
B: And now I am gonna have to stop you. I would be with the whole, they simply didn’t know they would fall for someone who shared their boy bits theory if it weren’t for the part where you said he was mean to you for the entire last year. This is a key indicator that he had become ego dystonic. That’s a fancy word I know. It basically means when who you want to be and who you are, are no aligned. Meaning he probably knew he was feeling for men long before he forced you to break up with him. So in the very least he does owe you an explanation and more than that an apology for what he put you through all because he was unable to be honest with himself. 
A: so you suggest that she goes in gun blazing to fight someone who was battling with themselves?
B: Precisely. This person lost the right for you to put your feelings aside when they started treating you like dirt. You have to look out for your own peace of mind and understand this experience so you won’t be scarred from it going forward. Why should you have to unpack and decode something so complex on your own? Get your anger out, get some answers then get your life.
A: would you be offering this same advice if he moved on with another woman? Or would you simply accept the fact that life is not linear and people are more like sand than rocks? If you do choose to contact your ex do so in support of his choice, as it is a hard one to make. Responding with love and acceptance is the healthiest option all around. You taking it personal or making the complexity of a failed relationship about a factor you can’t prove is only going to hurt you more in the long run. Unless you are reaching back out to begin a friendship, don’t run up and kick a closed door.
B: Don’t run up and kick a closed door, you’re always on some Kumbaya shit sometimes you need to go Beckham on em.


Music In this Video: The Hold Up "AudioMicro.com"