Steam Slug (Worst Third-Person Shooter ever) Mission 1: City Suburbs
Channel: I Drink Lava - 3D Game Audio
Date: 03/08/2018

Intro cutscene starts at 0:43. Actual gameplay starts at 2:40.
https://www.gamersgate.com/DD-SSLUG/steam-slug

Oh jeez, uh...well, I've played some terrible games so far, but this is easily the worst yet. This is Steam Slug, a Polish-Russian Gears of War clone that's neither available on Steam nor has any ties to the Metal Slug franchise. This game single-handedly set the Steampunk culture back several decades. Imagine the terrible, broken game mechanics from every cover shooter you've played in the last 10 years combined into one game. Well, that one game would still not be as bad as Steam Slug. It is seriously worse than Rogue Warrior, Mindjack, R.I.P.D., and even Ride to Hell: Retribution.

Yes, even Ride to Hell: Retribution has better third-person shooting than this game.

In a post-apocalyptic Steampunk world ruled by Dr. Shtrauss--or Mephistopheles, it's not clear--and his army of robots powered by human brains, only one man can stand brave amongst the Cowards. That man is Evan MacRyan, a culturally-insensitive mercenary voiced by some random European Let's Player who hates pathos and loves getting to the meat. Evan is hired by General Grommit, who is sadly not a sassy dog but an elf-eared old man who wants to pay him a measly 5,000 pounds to kill the evil scientist responsible for taking over London or the world or something (again, vague). After some truly expert negotiating, he sets off aided by the lovely operator Louis ("CALL ME ANGEL") on a roughly 75-minute adventure for the ages.

Some notes on Steam Slug:
-Yes, that is the real voice acting. I'm not just fucking with you.
-If it's not clear from the very first line of dialogue, Evan MacRyan is one of the most utterly hateable protagonists ever created in any media.
-Evan's rather...politically-incorrect line seems to imply that the world isn't dominated by robots yet, just London.
-No, I don't get how "nine for me, two for you" is supposed to work when it's Grommit's own money.
-This game plays suspiciously like a pre-alpha version of R.I.P.D.
-Even though it's a Gears clone, there are no cover mechanics. At all.
-The main gimmick (if you could call it that) is that there's a bar that fills up whenever you shoot enemies that can be used either to refill your health, earn a shield, or get double damage. You can freely switch out which one the meter fills up at any time, entirely killing the point.
-You'll notice immediately that there's no shadows whatsoever. This is because Steam Slug is one of the most poorly-optimized games ever made. Playing with shadows on slashes the framerate in half and all the ugly post-processing effects only cause more lag. Don't worry, though: by the end, you will see how this game was intended to look.
-Yes, those are the real gunshot sounds. I'm not just fucking with you.
-This game has without a doubt the single worst shotgun I've ever used in a video game. I've played ZDoom jokeWADs with better shotguns than Steam Slug's, no joke.
-There is a 99% chance that the music in this game was stolen from some Playstation 2 JRPG.
-When Louis (holy crap) warns you to watch for the steam from the enemy generators, she's not kidding. There is a random chance that any generator will let out an insta-kill wave in a large radius around the thing.
-Around 5:38 you can see what this game's pathetic excuse of a melee attack looks like. It's as ineffective as it looks.

#worstgameever
#shovelware
#eurojank