Making Sense of Narcissistic Abuse
Channel: Prof. Sam Vaknin
Date: 2022-07-19

Narcissist is in a state of prolonged grief and misery seeks company.

Exposure to prolonged grief is traumatizing: transmission vector.

Endogenous vs. Exogenous dysregulation.

Driven to re-enact loss and resolve trauma with a maternal stand-in by recreating the trauma space (ideal Mom-ideal Kid in a shared fantasy engendered by secondary trauma).

Vicarious trauma fosters role reversal from Mom to Kid (infantile regression);

Narcissist as Mom can now abuse the Kid and disarm it (narcissistic abuse);

Once power and hurt asymmetries are righted, narcissist reverts to Kid and his partner is restored to a much less threatening Mom.

Narcissist now attempts to complete the separation-individuation phase from his Mom partner without fear of retribution from an enfeebled, shattered Mom.

He separates from her (discarding her or pushing her to abandon him) thus reasserting control, even at the cost of elevated anxiety (which he resolves by replacing).

Hoovering is outcome of unresolved conflict (introject permanence leads to attempts at restoring object permanence).

Watch Narcissist as Grieving Infant: It Affects YOU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLa1ozQwG0A

Watch When Your Pain Traumatizes Others: Vicarious (Secondary) Trauma
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDlhCOM7Igo

Watch Why Narcissist Hoovers, Replaces YOU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACdRrnfcQKQ
 
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