You His Mommy, He Your Daddy: Narcissist’s Mixed Signals
Channel: Prof. Sam Vaknin
Date: 2020-09-09

Narcissists sexualize intimacy (sexual overperception)

Example of family with mixed sexual signals:

Mother's family - men and women – are all asexual, father's side are all promiscuous.

Or …

Father's attitude to sex as dirty and all women as whores. Mother was subtly incestuous.

Example of ambient, emotional incest: she reacts to the child’s compliments or insults regarding her appearance as a lover would.

The narcissist can be with a woman in one of two ways: 

1. As an asexual child with his mother (long-term life partner); or 

2. As a promiscuous but stern father with a disposable slut to be sexually despoiled and verbally abused (disciplined).

When the narcissist loves a woman as he had loved his mother, as a long-term intimate partner (he always loves women as a child loves his mother), he renders himself asexual, so as to avoid incest. 

When he desires a throwaway woman, like his promiscuous father did, he transforms himself into her stern disciplinarian father: he hates and fears the woman, he sadistically despoils, torments, taunts, frustrates, and abuses her in every way, and he pushes her away, often towards other men (partly to reaffirm his view of women and for the other shoe to drop).

The narcissist fantasizes not about sex but about humiliating, trashing, despoiling, and degrading the woman, alone or with others (in group sex). He is a sexual sadist.
 
Given the opportunity and consent, the narcissist sexually "assaults" the submissive partner. Conventional sex leads his ultimately to boredom and ED (erectile dysfunction). He uses even group sex merely to despoil and humiliate the female.

The narcissist is to women what a pedophile is to children: sadistic monster. 

DIVERGENT EXPECTATIONS 

Women cannot reconcile true intimacy and love with the narcissist’s objectifying, despoiling, and sadistic sex. The former preclude for them the latter. 

STAGE I: INDULGING HIM SEXUALLY

At first - when the attachment and bonding between us are minimal - women consensually indulge the narcissist sexually. 

This amplifies and solidifies his own attachment to and bonding with the woman. 

STAGE II: CUTTING OFF HIS KIND OF SEX

The women then get attached and bonded and they demand to revert to conventional intimate sex. They refuse to continue to have the narcissist’s kind of sex. 

STAGE III: SEXLESSNESS  

At this point, the narcissist develops sex aversion or even ED and the relationship is rendered increasingly sexless and disintimate. 

The narcissist’s attachment and bonding weaken: he begins to regard the relationship as a chore and the woman as a nuisance because he is not getting his sexual needs and desires met. 

STAGE IV: CHEATING or BREAKUP 

The narcissist is still attached and bonded and refuses to let go of the woman or set her free, despite her desperate attempts to break up (erotomanic stalking).

Women either stay with him (for material reasons), render services, but are free to cheat on him serially and indiscreetly; or women triangulate ostentatiously in order to terminate his stalking. 

He is forced to choose between loveless sex and sexless love and in both cases endure mortifying betrayal

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