Don't Cry For Me (I'm Alright Now)/Miles Gone By
Channel: Pleasant Bud Coughlin
Date: 04/09/2020

(C) Copyright 2016. 2020 M. Coughlin All Rights reserved
This is a memorial for my son Miles. He passed from this world on May 23, 2016. Or maybe the 22nd. He was doing well, things were looking positive. 39 days clean. He left behind a mother, father, sister, stepmother, stepfather, stepbrother, uncles, aunts, cousins, friends and memories. 

(As I type this I just got the word that my mother has joined Miles. She was 91. Life, huh?)

Memories...They came rushing from every direction, in no particular order. These two songs are my way of sharing him. 

When I got the call from his stepfather, Marc, he screamed. “Miles is dead! He’s blue! I tried to do CPR but I couldn’t help him!” I felt such sadness for Marc, having to walk into that apartment. Then I felt my own. Nothing can prepare you for this. Then he spoke to me…

He gave me the lyrics to the first song. In a rush it all came into my head. I added the music and played it during his wake. I added the second bridge a few days later. It’s all true. 
The second song was written almost four years later. These thoughts are from my head - My point of view. The shattered psyche of a distraught father. Life ended. Boy it hurts. Lots of time in the fetal position. Like it says, “All I have is a memory”. 

Why does this keep happening? Mental/emotional health issues, substance dependence, PTSD, lack of support from government agencies and insurance companies. Because of these and other factors this is a recurring story everywhere. In cities, towns, villages. I’ve also included snapshots of some of my friends’ children also taken way too soon. 
We are part of a club that has a steep membership entry fee. The life of someone you never expected to lose. I’ve become very close with people in the club. I’ve also met people online that I’ll likely never see in person. This club is one you’d leave if it was possible. 

I want to thank the people who have helped me over the past years. Without some of whom I might not have survived. First thanks go to Mary, my wife, who earned the nickname Rocky in those first months when I was unable. Unable to what? Just unable. A wreck. There are resources available to help you over time to keep living. The Visiting Nurse Service and Hospice sponsors groups where bereaved parents can meet. Monica, Rena and Joyce at the Caring Circle I owe you my life. Compassionate Friends is a worldwide organization helping parents, grandparents and siblings more through the journey of unbearable grief. The Bereavement group of St Patrick’s in Yorktown Heights, NY. There are more. It is important to find help so you can again be useful to the world. 
Thanks to the people who gave permission to use their images, their children’s images and their friendship in this video. Thank you (Miles’ mom) Fredi Weinstein, Marla and Lena Tolson, Mary Coughlin, Marc Lamport, Fredi’s extended family including cousin Jane and my extended family brother John, Lynn, Samantha, sister Teresa, Jack, John Mato. Miles’ friends Marisa, Constantina (Tina), Kishan, Kathy, Lauren, Laith, Brit, Jaci, Joey, Alaina and Ben Zweig, whose video memorial for Miles forms the backdrop for most of this. 
Lastly, the parents who allowed me to show their pain as well - Stephanie Keegan (son Daniel), Mike Sharp and Maryanne Fettig Sharp ( son Mike), Jenny Torpey Grey (daughter Rhiannon), Donna Haspel (son Andrew), Anne and Willie Lugo (Son Julian), Maria Ferretti (daughter Julia) and Charlotte Peters (son Chris). Also thanks to the Holy Innocents choir and Father Hugh Burns. 
If I have forgotten anyone I apologize and hope you’ll let me know.