Set Personal Boundaries in a Relationship| Alexandria & Bob Gower| Art of Charm
Channel: Art of Charm
Date: 27/07/2020

how to set personal boundaries in a relationship  WIthout boundaries we inadvertantly step on esach others personal space witout thought. It's impossible to know a personal boundaries unless it is set up and articulated to all parties involved. 


we answer your questions and cover the All In Method with Alexandra Jamieson and Bob Gower. Alexandra is the bestselling author of five books, and co-creator / co-star of the Oscar-nominated documentary Super Size Me, and Bob is a New York-based consultant, writer, and speaker.

All of us have different values and beliefs guiding us through life, and the differences between two people can lead to damaging friction if they are not dealt with directly, so what can you do to get everyone on the same page and working toward a common goal while respecting each other?

[00:00 -02:24] How did the book come about?
[00:03:24] AIM method: "We used it while raising a child together, when we got married, when going through stressful family visits."
[00:05:24] Ideas bump into each other and then create that third better idea that forces creativity. 
[00:06:37] Past relationship: "It wasn't the creative process that was the source of friction, but the legal stuff that sat around the film." - Alex
[00:08:12] What is the AIM Method? It's a structured conversation, it's not to problem-solve or negotiate.
[00:10:17] This is a safe place to express all the 'crazy'. 
[00:11:12] "If I'm gonna say this I better have a defense, I better have a reason why." - Bob
[00:12:40] How to encourage teams to open up their concerns when they are talking to people who will scrutinize them.
[00:13:36] You're not gonna get vulnerability out of people that's further than you're willing to go.
[00:14:29] "Timing creates team psychological safety. You share your intentions and concerns, and then you get boundaries." - Alex
[00:16:43] "The framing of boundaries is important. What are some rules, that we as a team, could make in order keep us safe?" - Bob
[00:17:25] "Either of us can hit pause on the project at any time because we both want to prioritize the relationship over the project. That's another boundary." - Bob
[00:20:00] "They are learning how to have tough conversations where they bring their full heart to it and they are able to listen to others too." - Alex
[00:21:08] "As an introverted person, I grew up thinking I had to know all the answers, and have solutions and be able to defend them before I can have an important conversation." - Alex
[00:22:38] Learn to set boundaries, learn to examine what those boundaries are, and learn that you don't have to defend those boundaries. NO is a complete sentence.
[00:25:45] Boundaries need to be flexible.
[00:26:55] "Clients are very analytically minded, problem solvers that they look upset which can be interpreted differently." - Johnny
[00:28:41] Intentions, Concerns, Boundaries, and Dreams: You start to get expansive with it energetically.   
[00:31:20] What are the conversations that need to happen? Are you having the conversation with the right people at the right time in the right way or context?
[00:34:10] Rather than taking orders from the boss, they're actually saying "This is where we intend to go, this is what we will do. Really empowering the teams." - Bob 
[00:35:16] "Define why we are talking." - Alex
[00:36:36] "Alex brings to the table the skill in both listening and being present and not being judgemental." - Bob to Alex
[00:39:43] It's never too late to change your conversation habits with people in your life and it is  sometimes hardest for people we are close to.
[00:41:14] If somebody feels psychologically safe it means they are making an assessment that this is a place where I can take a risk. - Bob
[00:45:10] We model our parents, If you want to change your child's behavior, you have to start changing your own behavior. 
[00:48:02] "Where are you now with your career and what's your intent? Maybe you are beginning to outgrow your team." - Bob 
[00:50:21] Is this the right culture for me? There are great cultures that will unlock your potential, other cultures just don't.
[00:52:45] "How is this environment shaping me? We take on the traits of the people we hang out with." - Bob
[00:54:25]  
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In this video, we will be discussing how to set personal boundaries in a relationship. We will talk about what boundaries are, why they're important and how to set them. Boundaries are the things you do for yourself that allow you to have more self-respect and feel better about yourself.