Narcissist (NPD) Hijacks Borderline (BPD), People-pleasing, Casual Sex
Channel: Prof. Sam Vaknin
Date: 11/06/2021

The comorbidity of narcissistic and borderline personality disorders (NPD and BPD) is counterintuitive: they appear to be mutually exclusive.

Both Borderlines and narcissists are grandiose, but the former possess warm empathy and emotions whereas the latter lack them.

The only way to reconcile these contradictions and to square the circle is by assuming the existence of semi-dissociated self-states that come to the fore in reaction to changing circumstances and environments.

In a comorbid state, BPD is always dominant while NPD is recessive.

But the narcissistic structures hijack the borderline’s empathy and emotions and leverage them during the lovebombing and grooming phases.

The Borderline finds herself or himself trapped in a narcissistic shared fantasy.

To the Borderline, the narcissistic landscape feels surrealistic, alien, and vaguely menacing. L

The self-states which are narcissistic and secondary (factor 2 or F2) psychopathic regard the borderline with self-destructive contempt for her weakness and vulnerabilities. They seek to “protect” and “rescue” her from herself.

This hardwired ego dystony founded on permanent dissonance between the subpersinalities, results in mood lability, emotional dysregulation, and psychopathic features, which are even more extreme than in a classic presentation of BPD.

The complex of behaviors known as people pleasing emanates from multiple etiologies. In an earlier post, I have mentioned anxiety. Another source is social phobia.

Socially phobic people often become avoidant: they shun all social interactions.

But a small minority of them disinhibit themselves with alcohol and drugs and then proceed to act out and engage in dysregulated, reckless, and unboundaried behaviors, including and especially sexually.

These self-defeating and self-trashing behaviors are intended to accomplish the goals of pleasing others, fitting in, belonging, being accepted, appreciated, “loved”, and liked.

But the phobia never disappears. This constant presence drives an escalation in people pleasing behaviors and the compromising of self-respect, self-esteem, and boundaries which renders the phobia even worse.

It is a vicious cycle which often results in lifelong anxiety disorder, depression, and passive-aggression.

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