Everyone Else is Wrong
Channel: Ravi Tangri
Date: 06/10/2019

I’m beyond frustrated.

Everywhere I turn it seems like people are going out of their way to mess things up.  It feels like the world is conspiring against me.
It’s September 1984 and I’m finishing up my master’s degree in physics at the University of Manitoba in Winnipeg, and this was the worst summer I’ve ever experienced.

The most amazing relationship I’ve ever been in imploded this summer.  I was rear-ended by another driver giving me whiplash which has messed up everything – including costing me a pretty penny for a new car after what I got from insurance.  And I’ve wasted hours – days? - trying to sort out my graduation next year with every problem in the world coming up to mess me up. 

Because of the car accident, I’ve lost everything outside of my ex-girlfriend that give me joy.  I DJ at a nightclub a couple of nights a week and I can’t do that because I have to hold the headphone between my ear and my shoulder.  Because of the whiplash I can’t do that.  And I can’t do the dancing or roller skating that I love because of the injury.

I’m running into problems getting funding for the last part of my research.  My neighbours are playing music until late at night.  The other grad students sharing my office seem to push every button I have to annoy me.  And it goes on.

I feel like Pig Pen in Charlie Brown, except instead of a cloud of dirt following me around it’s like a cloud of bad luck.  The movie ‘Karate Kid’ came out this June, and the song ‘Cruel Summer’ has become my anthem.

The only two things I have left to nourish me are my walks in the park and my Sunday brunches with my uncle.

I love water and find it nourishing and healing, and even though I’m in the prairies, I’ve found a beautiful secluded spot in La Barrière Park that’s hard to get to where I can just sit by the river and let it go. 

Except for the tree where my girlfriend and I carved our initials into a heart.  

Sigh.

Well, there’s still my brunches with my uncle every Sunday at the Old Pancake House on Pembina Highway.  

He’s become quite a mentor to me, and we share an interest in personal growth, psychology and spirituality even though our academic and professional areas of expertise are very different. 

So I’m venting to him about all the things going wrong – how it feels like the world is out to get me – and he just sits there listening, with a hint of a smile.

Then, when I finally run out of steam, he sits there for a little while and responds.

“I hear what you’re saying about all these things going wrong everywhere you turn – with school, with your relationship, with all the things you can’t do now. And it can feel like you’re all alone – like everyone’s out to get you.

“But what’s the one common factor in all of those situations?”

“What do you mean?  They don’t have anything to do with each other except they’re all screwing me around. There’s nothing in common.”

“You’re right, in a way, that they’re not related, but there is one common element to every one of them.”

I think about it, and as it dawns on me what he’s talking about, I push it away for a bit.  I don’t want to admit it – I want to sit and sulk and be in my wonderful, victim-y pity party, blaming the whole world for messing things up.

But I finally had to face it.

“It’s me.  I’m the only common factor in everything that’s going wrong.”

He smiles at me and I can see his pride in me for finally stepping out of my sulking. “And what will happen if you stay focused on everything that’s going wrong and if you believe everyone is out to get you and you take offence at everything others say or do?”

I sigh.  I know where this is going.  

“If I keep focusing on this and believing this is true I’ll see more things that could be messing me up or things to take offence at – in perfectly innocent situations. And I’ll start to attract more of them so my belief becomes my reality.” I still say this with a little whininess, trying to hold on to a trace of my hard-fought-for victimhood.

“And is it really true that the world is out to get you?”

I sigh again.  He’s calling me on it. “No.”

“You’ve had a challenging summer, Ravi, with your heart broken and the accident.  That’s a lot to deal with.  But those things don’t mean the world is ending. 

“You can stay feeling sorry for yourself and create a life of misery, or you can start focusing on where you want and build that.

“Which do you choose?”

“Well, when you put it like that, it’s kind of obvious, isn’t it?” I reluctantly admit.

It’s nice to have someone who can call you on your BS when you need it to snap you back to reality.