Why I Perform at Open Mics — Angela Brett at MarsCon 2019
Channel: Angela Brett
Date: 2019-03-21

I've been going to MarsCon for the MarsCon Dementia Track whenever it scheduled well enough with JoCo Cruise that I could be in the US that weekend, starting in 2014. This was the first time I signed up to be part of The FuMP Jukebox concert, where people who aren't mainstage performers can perform one song. I was also part of the Dementia Smackdown concert later that afternoon doing a cover song. I got to be introduced by the great Luke Ski, I got a certificate, and was even included in the Dementia Smackdown Wrestling (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GM_wCus_yOw)!

This is a rap I wrote about why I perform at open mics (spoiler: It's so that I can some day perform at e.g. MarsCon.) It's available on my bandcamp at https://angelastic.bandcamp.com/track/why-i-perform-at-open-mics and on The FuMP Sideshow at https://stage.thefump.com/sideshow/song/1464

Lyrics (also available in closed captioning): 
If there’s one thing that’s lauded in the internet age,
it’s if I want to be applauded I don’t need to go on stage.
I could write shit in my bedroom, gathering tweets and shares and likes,
but despite it I still head to gatherings known as open mics.

Because fuck it, our creations need a community
and luck is preparation meeting opportunity,
so when Coldplay or Weird Al Yankovic come to town
and every good opening act mysteriously comes down
with a synthetic disease to which I have immunity,
I’ll be ready to please, dropping rhymes with impunity.

‘Cause I’m a Master of Rhyme;
I’ve got a Masters degree
and my thesis was a rhyming dictionary,
so I’ll be rapping my rants
and you’ll be clapping your hands
and flapping your panties
that you happily planned
to throw at fabulous bands
and I’ll be nabbing their fans
while they are crapping their pants

In real life I’m a hacker and I’m super science knowledge-y:
linguistics and mathematics and some microbiology
but I admit that in the latter I have lax methodology,
and for that I say no matter; I present my apology:
if your bladder had a splatter, don’t be mad; I tried urology.

So back to the point — my plan is all about practice.
The knack to seem much better than any surviving opening act is.
And that may sound unfettered and conniving but the fact is
they lack my well-honed stagecraft and immunoglobulin factors.

Because I’m
perfecting my art
and projecting my heart
While collecting the hard-earned
affection that’s marred
by those correctly called “artists”
rejecting my protective injection,
electing collective infection — ejecting a shart.
And maybe I’m a chump who’s not much better than you,
but I’ll be number one while you’re going number two.

I digress; I’m an open mic nerd; I require us
to weary of hearing Free Bird, Miley Cyrus.
When merely a chord or a word can rewire us
and everyone’s here to be heard and inspire us
then I’ll engineer a deferred norovirus.

So now you understand why I’m facing my fears.
I’m bracing to be panned while embracing my peers
so I’ve no stage fright when the big stars are here.
There’ll be no cage fight, the choice will be clear,
because I write each night I can guarantee ya
that my shite’s not trite, or second tier,
and the light’s so bright I can barely see ya,
and I’ll be the only artist without diarrhoea.

Produced by Alfred Ladylike https://www.facebook.com/alfredladylike 
Beats by Free Rap Beats | Hip-Hop Instrumentals on YouTube 
Sound effects by "IFartInUrGeneralDirection" et alia on freesound.org