Stress Management Tips: Discipline Without Stress Solves a Sibling Argument
Channel: Dr. Marvin Marshall's Video Insights
Date: 2019-03-12

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As I explain in my radio and TV interviews, blog posts, newsletters, and video channel, parents and teachers often engage in practices that bring unnecessary stress and prompt adversarial relations. These practices include relying on rules (rather than expectations), promoting obedience (rather than responsibility), being reactive (rather than proactive), being inconsistent and unfair by imposing (rather than by eliciting), and by using external and coercive approaches—such as bribes to control, threats, and imposing punishments. Here is a typical example of a parent who uses DISCIPLINE WITHOUT STRESS—as she wrote me.

When my school first implemented Discipline Without Stress, I was somewhat apprehensive about how such a program would work in my classroom. I have always felt that I created a positive learning environment in my class and frankly, this system seemed like just one more passing fad.

However, after reading Dr. Marshall’s book, “Discipline Without Stress, Punishments or Rewards,” I realized that if I was going to use this in my classroom, I should try it at home first. As a mother of two teenagers, creating an environment that was stress-free really appealed to me. I talked to my teenagers about how stressful things had been at home and shared with them a little bit about the program that I was “trying out” on them.

Later that day, I heard my daughter slamming doors and screaming at the top of her lungs at her brother. Before, I would’ve stormed in to intervene and quickly react to the situation without even thinking. Instead, I calmly began using such questions as: “Is what you are doing something that is beneficial?” My daughter stopped and looked at me and said, “Oh, this is that discipline thing you are using at school, right?  Okay, so, no!  No, it is not.”

I asked, "Is what you are doing something that falls in line with the standards of our family?” She sighed, “No.” I said, “Would you tell me what our family approach is regarding yelling.” She relayed to me that yelling was not allowed and that if we had anything to say, we could say it in a calm manner.  Finally, I said, “Well, what do you think we should do about this?”

I told her to go to her room and think about what we should do about what had happened between her and her brother. A little while later, she came back and asked to talk to her brother. She apologized for yelling at him and proceeded to give us a list of punishments that she had decided on. “I guess I should not use the computer for three weeks, or talk on the phone, or go to the movies with my friends,” she began to list. We were stunned!

Honestly, this was the first time that she had really accepted responsibility for something so calmly. The next three weeks were very interesting. She answered the phone and we could hear her explain, “I can’t talk on the phone right now because my parents…I mean, I have restricted myself.” 

Since using Discipline Without Stress in our home, life seems so much more enjoyable. The truth is that our children do know what is expected of them. Holding them to a higher level of responsibility has made all of our lives more peaceful. Thank you.

—Wendi Hall - Vestavia Hills, Alabama

Tip: Have young people solve their own problems by asking reflective questions.

More insightful tips on how to manage stress and improve relationships are in my book, “Live Without Stress: How to Enjoy the Journey”—available at WithoutStress.com. You will learn how to manage your mind, reduce your stress, and live longer. 

Thanks for watching and sharing this video. Until next time, live a stress-free life—and visit WithoutStress.com.

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