An Introduction To Townhouse Woods
Channel: Townhouse Woods
Date: 2018-12-18

Lemme tell you a few things about who you’re here to hear 
A couple of ascertainable facts that have been verified, certified, and sealed with approval 
By no lesser authority than the Fraternal Organization of Guarantees, Warranties, Rubber Stamps, and Green Lights 
Of which the Guinness Book of World Records and the Office of Weights and Measures 
Both are subsidiaries 
He speaks six languages fluently and can get into fights in thirty more 
He’s been the best man at the weddings of ten senators and a dozen Grand Viziers 
Only six of which ended in divorce and one of ‘em in arbitration 
He’s swaggered through more saloon doors than John Wayne 
Tuned Woody Guthrie’s guitar and taught him to croon 
Was an underwriter in the selling of Robert Johnson’s soul 
Which he won back playin’ poker with the Devil’s mother-in-law 
He got the Good Lord drunk and made him write a new book for the Bible 
The Book of Ambulations, Perambulations, and Scootin’ Round Town 
The alpha and omega of which is just “yep” 
He’s camped with hobos, learned their signs 
Made up a couple himself, which were subsequently adopted into the lexicon 
Of vagrants, ragamuffins, and the generally destitute 
He’s slept in the mayor’s guest room and the dumpster behind the pool hall 
Seen sunrises over Bogotá and sunsets from the Rockies, 
Had a buffalo for a pal and taught love songs to chickadees 
Yessiree, he’s the real McCoy, the big man on campus, 
The unchronicled legend 
Who’s done more to boost the reputation of the City of St. Paul 
Than Paul Bunyan, Paul Revere, and Paul of Tarsus rolled into one... 
He’s the one 
The only 
The exceptional 
The here-today-gone-tomorrow 
The not-to-be-missed 
The chap-in-the-hat.... 
Townhouse Woods.