Gordon Neufeld Sadness Adapts from Futility FELT
Channel: Visceral Gravitas
Date: 13/04/2024

excerpt from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7uw4LQHTlY
@neufeldmedia

transcript:
Sadness the most maligned and misunderstood of all feelings 
Sadness 
my whole life is about healing 
I can't make them better 
nobody can make them better 
what has made them better without exception 
is when they have been able to find their sadness 
sadness 
what they were up against that could not have been changed that happened to them 
that was now in the past that they couldn't make better 
their sadness 
Encounters of futility need to be turned 
the sadness 
feelings of futility over time encounters with futility 
as simple as Daddy said no 
not being able to get one's way 
must be felt 
their sadness 
for adaptation to occur 
their sadness must be felt 
relief from the pressure of stuck emotion 
because this is where our our mad moves to sad 
our alarm moves to sad our Pursuit moves to sad 

this is where we're released from the pressure of emotion 
where there's emotional reset 
where our big emotions like frustration and alarm find resolution 
because oh we can't get through this way 
all the emotions have purpose 
they all want to do something 
they all have work to do 

but sometimes the work can't be done 
that's where the futility needs to be felt 
there's sadness and the whole demeanor changes everything demeanor 
so easy to see in the three-year-old and the four-year-old 

it gives us rest from doing the same things over and over again that do not work 
it also is the key to do discipline 
because when you discipline a child you confront them with the futility of their action 
look what I'm going to take away from you 
you can't get through this way 

unless they feel sad about it they will have not learned 
it is emotional we need to feel it 
when a child doesn't feel sad about what's been taken away 

there will be no learning that happens 
only when we feel our sadness can we let go of how it used to be uh 
what we miss what we long for of what it was 
and it be replaced by new ways 
that is the work of sadness 
recovery of the capacity for fulfillment 
much of our happiness is on the other side of tears that have not been shed 
we are so afraid of this place 
so fear of the Abyss 
that we we lose our own happiness 
think we can get it directly by trying to be happy 
you can't get it at directly by trying to be happy 

develops resilience as strength results from facing and feeling futility 
the brain gets it that when you've had your tears 
you can actually survive something not working 
when it registers 
futility registers the brain goes you're still here you survived 
until then the brain doesn't know that 

restores hope and perspective 
not trying to think oneself into perspective 
sadness delivers us there 
in fact you could say that emotional health is really about adapting to life circumstances 

their sadness must be felt 
sadness