Rapping About Death Of A Loved One... Loss Of Me [Live] [2020]
Channel: REALGroupStation
Date: 02/09/2020

Download "Loss Of Me" here:

https://realgroupstation.bandcamp.com/track/loss-of-me

"2014 was the worst year that I could ever remember till this day.  Not only was I not getting the help to recover from an extreme depression and psychosis, my dad almost died in July of that year.  That was 6 years ago that his girlfriend found him on the floor of the basement about to take out the laundry from the dryer.  Later we found out he had a pulmonary embolism which is basically a blood clot in the lung.

Since I was already feeling death all around me, I literally could not groom myself, shower, eat, cut my hair, so far I would consider myself becoming catonic which is immobility and stupor due to decompensation. I would literally just waste away on the couch in the basement day in and day out.  It became severely worst when I found out my dad almost died.  As I said in "Bipolar Awaken" I've had 2 hospitalizations in 2014.  I just didn't want to live anymore yet alone even survive.

As I reflect now on this song I wrote, I must say that when someone is in a depression over someone who almost died, who already died, or who will almost die, it really takes a toll on the mind.  However, I am glad my dad is doing much better these days.  He is currently pretty satisfied with his life and I am glad he is still alive.  Thank you for watching and supporting my music."

"Loss Of Me"

Intro:

Yeah, it's TraVisT 
These terrors haunting me
I can't seem to explain
why I creep with endless pain

Verse:

These nightmares seem to break me so
Of my dad leaving while I live below
Can't seem to shake it, or fake it, no
One day his spirit will be leaving cold

What do I do to end the pain?
His death seems to haunt me when I sleep insane
What is the right mind frame
To eliminate this blood forsaken shame?
You can break these thoughts one minute
But then the next minute you feel a limit

It bothers me a lot, cause I know I don't pull to hot
But it seems to be just empty slots
Or a lace that can't be taught
While a spiritual body seems to rot

So caught in a spiral of a tortured soul
I am overburdened now, living in one stricken hellhole
I am in a mess with no common goal

I get these nightmares crying of his death
I don't know why but I know I wake feeling pretty upset
It's these nights that give me the frights
And its the days that scare me and keep me afraid
While I continuously wonder what these thoughts begin to say
Is there something wrong with how I think?
Is this stinking thinkin' that seems to put me in a kink?
I don't quite care, all I want is some relief, 
so I can find my peace and I swear it no defeat

Chorus [x2]:

Everyone dies alone
Left in a coffin 
And a seated stone
Heart begins to roam
Feeling no home

Verse:

It seems to be that the feelings take charge
Misguiding a direction while you are left in scars
With the idea to make an income possesses the best results
You are left with burdens that bring assaults

Your father has paid your ways, and a girlfriend likes you and is willing to stay
But she can't replace your dad, and maybe that is so sad
You just need to figure things out soon, so you're not sitting in drabs

Maybe find a job to keep your head up, you are broke son, and you feel you don't have enough
Jesus can't pay your bills, insurance or repairs,
The house will deteriorate if you just don't even care

But you can try to numb the pain and ease the dread
Grow up a bit and maybe even feel ahead
Just find the courage, so your not feeling red

What motivates you is your dad's death,
But he is still here, living and breathing
What is happening is your mind is cheating
Unable to figure it out and you lose control
You feel being a child is who you sold

So you are having trouble moving on
You seem to bitch and moan to your girlfriend
why doesn't the misery ever end?
You say she is not enough, yet at the same time, you can't leave it rough

There seems to be some issues with your brother,
he is telling you stay creative, the other shit you just don't even bother
You could always be in the moment but then your mind trails in the future
And that is one scar that can never ever be sutured

It is a depressing scenario and cause of events
when you act like a child living with your rents
Therapy and Voc rehab seems to be the cure
But I guess my mind is something that cannot adhere

Being a disabled man, with a bipolar disorder
Leaves your mind fickled as a difficult hoarder
But spin a quarter, and drop that order
A man cannot take back another man who's beyond the border
Sometimes I feel homeless in a home and I begin to cry
But what is odd is the light out there often just hurts my eyes

Chorus:

Everyone dies alone
Left in a coffin 
And a seated stone
Heart begins to roam
Feeling no home