Supreme League of Patriots Review (PC/Linux)
Channel: Mini Steam Reviews
Date: 2015-03-14

Even the horniest teenage boys won't have the patience for Supreme League of Patriots. The humor is painfully juvenile, turning every little thing into a sexual, racist, sexist, or homoerotic innuendo. Many of the jokes center around taking potshots at the dim-witted protagonist, Kyle. These insults are rarely funny, but they're delivered with a British accent, so they've got to be witty. Right? I'd like to sympathize with Kyle, but he is maddeningly slow. I'm not just talking about his intelligence either. The poor buffoon trudges about the game like a brain-dead troll, and talks nearly as fast too. Every attempt this game makes at being quick-witted is sabotaged by the broken dialogue system. A short pause between each line disrupts the conversational flow and makes every interaction tedious. Speaking of things that are broken, the inventory system is completely nonsensical. Belongings are interacted with via the inventory button on the top of the screen, but to equip something you have to use the inventory found by hovering near the bottom of the screen. I was initially attracted to SLOP because of its beautiful screenshots. It is a very pretty game... when it's not in motion. Animations are stiff, and characters who are supposed to be stationary tend to shift about awkwardly, like they'd rather be somewhere else. Hey, I understand. I'd rather be somewhere else too.