The Wheeling repository — Wheeling, Va. [W. Va.], 1807-12-24 00:00:00, page 3

■^vaste upon the woods, and disfiguring
the lace of nature with villages, turn
pikes and canals. They are about stop
ping up two miles of sea, which they
call the Is arrows,—though I endeavour
to persuade them of the advantage of a
free passage for his majesty’s ships of
war up to this city, and put before their
eyes the example of Copenhagen.
^ hat Chesapeake business has burst the
bubble, and shews that many we count
ed upon here, are American? in their
hearts, and will not do anv serious mis
chief to their own countrv. Their
wranglings, I fear, are like those of our
own -whig and tori/, and will profit us
nothing.
ISut there is yet a means left ; and if
vour lordship will send me a hundred
thousand pounds by the W indsor Cas
tle, I shall not lose an instant to set a
bout it. It will, I hope, be no objection
to my project, that it is a new one ; the
more so, as the old ones have not suc
ceeded very well. I should glory, my
lord, to be the author of a species of ci
vil war and discord ijrt unattempted., and
thereby recommend myself to the ho
nourable consideration of his majesty’s
ministers.
i 1 here exists, my lord, in this nation,
u latent spark, which requires onlv to
be fanned. I f this be done with address,
we shall have a civil war lighted up in
this country, which will not be easily
extinguished—for the contest will be
between the two sexes. If we once can
g; t them into separate camps, and keep
the war afoot for sixty years, there is an
end ol the American people.
i lie matter is briefly tins : 1 lie men
smoak tobacco. The ladies will not be
smonked. 1 hey say they clicl not marry
nor come into the world to be smoaked
with tobacco. The men say they did
not marry nor come into the world to be
scolded, and they will be masters in
their own houses. They are both in the
t'b'jhi—they are both in the wrong. Nei
ther is right, nor neither is wrong, ac
cording as the balance of power can be
managed by a cunning hand. And un
d c the cover of this smoak, much ex
cellent mischief may be done for the
service of his majesty ; and the war,
which will be memorable in future his
tory, may be called the segar xvar. We
have at once in our hands three principal
ingredients of civil war: fire, smoak, and
hard words.
We might coalesce with our magna
nimous allies, the squaws, on the west
crn frontiers, and a diversion on the
Chesapeake would complete the whole:
and I should not despair of marching a
column of ladies, by next summer, into
V irginia, and laying the tobacco planta
tions waste with fire and tow*
One great advantage of my project,
your lordship will please to observe, is
this—that whether it succeeds or fails,
take it at the very worst—supposing it
to end as it began, in smoak ; it would
have a result to the full as favourable as
other projects which have cost old Eng
land fifty times the sum I ask for. The
very smoaking of these ladies, would be
a great point gained ; for they have ar
rived at an insolent pitch of bcautv ; and
it will be in vain that we can deter the
connoisseurs and virtuosi of our domi
nions from coming over here, by hold
ing out that there are no statues nor pic
tures, if we suffer them to preserve such
exquisite models of flesh and blood,from
which goddesses, nymphs, and graces,
may be imitated. A few refined souls
will prefer cheeks of brass, and eye-balls
of stone, to the dimple of nature,—
and sparkling glances of the laughter
loving eye. But the mass of mankind
will be ever vulgar : for them canvass
w ill lie too flat, and marble too hard ;—
and flesh and blood will carry off the
prize.
It is true, my lord, that the same arts
are not vet so advanced in this country,
as in those farther gone in corruption
and luxury. Yet it is mortifying to see
the progress the young and fair ones are
daily making in those delicate acquire
ments, which give lustre to virtue, and
embellish good sense. Those arts, which
have ow the charm of novelty and the
grace ol infancy, cannot fail to improve
in a soil where living beauty triumphs ;
w here the scenes of majestic nature in
vite, and where history points the eye of
the poet, the painter and the speculator,
to the virtues ol Washington, and the
plains of Saratoga and York-town. But
one who passes for having good sense,
avowed to me some time ago, that he
would rather see a well clad and active
population, than the finest antique
groupes ol naked fawns and satyrs, with
a Lazaroni populace. And a thing that
has raised great wonder in me, is this :
that some ot these fair-headed dryads
oi the woods, have manners more po
lished than the shining beauties of your
splendid court. Where they got it, or
how they came by it, I know not ; but
on the chaste .«. in ol native purity, they
seem to have engrafted the richest fruit**
of foreign cultivation. And as the la
dies i'n all civilized nations will, covert
ly or openly, have the sway,I think these
dangerous persons ought to be well
watched ; and I am not indisposed, my
lord, to keep an eye upon them, provid
ed I may be encouraged by your lord
ship’s approbation. I shall not then re
gret the situation in which it has plsased
the wisdom of his majesty’s councils to
ha\ c placed me ; and I shall labour to
the end of my lile to make a suitable re
turn.
In this View, I think it fight to men
tion that the young ladies have imbibed
French principles: some of them can
express any sentiments, grave or gay*
by a motion of the head ; speak an}- lan
guage with their eyes, and tell an affec
tionate story with the points of their toes.
Those cotillions, my lord, are danger
ous innovations.
It is, for the reasons I have mention
ed, extremely import a ntthat Mr. Weld,
and the Anacreontic poet, should write
down the American ladies. The kind
and frank hospitality they received from
these unsuspecting fair ones, has afford
ed them an opportunity of taking a no
ble revenge, worthy of their masters.—
And if the finest genius, like the fairest
beauty, is to be selected for prostitution,
little Moore is the man.
iiat if this system of detraction be
followed up, you will do well, mv lord,
to keep vour Englishmen at home.—
They will be very liable, coming over
with such notions, to be surprised—per
haps put in voluntary chains. It has al
ready happened to more than one of
my acquaintance, and may befal many
more.
1 here need come no more with toys
from Birmingham. There is one JL.aug
staff here, that has done them mischief.
He gives himself out for gouty, and sits
writing in an elbow chair. When the
fit leaves him, he announces it in the
newspapers, and appoints an hour for
his visits. All doors are thrown open,
and scouts sent out to watch for him.
He runs about in a yellow coattee, and
in the course of the morning will have
kissed the hand of every pretty lady in
the town. It provoked me to sec a lit
tle fellow lie in a lady’s work-basket,
and make laughing sport of grave men.
And it makes me feel more-mortified at
my own growing corpulence, list my
hulk should be no recommendation in
the eyes of the fair, whose favour is the