The Columbian informer, or, Cheshire journal — Keene, N.H., 1795-01-13 00:00:00, page 4

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POET's C ORNER. ^
'^ tmxocXfttooe^mccwm ,>{
From the Original Sele&ion of American
Poems.
The COUN TRY SCHOOL.
1Y H ; M , ESQ;
PUT to the door, the fchoel's bigun —
Stand in your pluses every one—
Attend,
#####*#•*#
Read in the bible,—tell the place,. —
'Job twentieth and the seventeenth varfe—
Caleb begin. And—be—shall—sack —
Sir.— Mojes got a pin and fuck -
Silence, —flop Caleb—Motes! hire!
Waat's this complaint ? I didn't Jir —
Hold up your hand—What is't a pin ?
0 dear, 1 wont da agin,
Read cm. The increase of bis hbkerfe,
Hold : H, O, U, S, El spells house.
Sir, what's this word, for lean's toll it.
Can't you indeed ? Why spell it. Spoil it.
Begin yourfelf, 1 fay. Who I ?
Yes, try. Sure you can spell it. Try ?
Go, take your feats in primers, go,
You Shan't abuse the bible so.
WRITERS have often endeavored
to deferibe that property of the
mind, which is commonly sailed Wit.—
Th g COMPANION, No. 6.
Why that's the way to cboak a gibing spirit,
Wbofe influence is begot of that loose grace
Which fallow laughing bearers give to fools.
Shakespeare.
been —
Who knocks ? 1 don't know fir —Come in.
" Your most obedient, fir !" And yours.
Sit down fir, S^m, put to the doors.
What do you bring to tell that's new—
" Nothing, that's either Grange or true.
" What a prodigious school ! I'm fare
" You've got a hundred here or more, ,
" A word, fir if you please." I will—
Yoa girls, till I comein, be still.
" Come, we can dance to night—so you
" Difinifs your brain-diftrading crew,
" And come for all the'girls are there.
" We'll have a fiddle and a play'r"
Well mind and have the sleigh bells sent,
I'll soon dismiss my regiment.
Silence ! the second chfs must read
As quick as possible—proceed.
Not fou^d your book yet? Stand—be
fix'd—
The next read, flop—the next—the next.
You need not read again, 'tis well.
Come Tom and Dick, choose sides to spell.
W.::worddo ? Yes, Tom spell dunce.
Sit still there all ye little ones.
I'we got a word, Well, name it. Gizzard.
You spell it Sampson.—G, 7, Z.
Spell confeienee, Jacky. K, 0, N.
S. H, U, N, T, 8. Well done!
Put out the next word— Mine is folks.
Tim spell it— P, H, O, U, X.
O shocking 1 Have you all try'd ? No.
Say master, but no matter, go—
Lay bv your books—and you Josiah,
Help Jed to make the morning fire.
Will pray fir mafler mend my pen ?
Say Matter, that's enough. Hrre Ben,
Is this your copy ? Can't you tell?
Set all your letters parallel.
I've done my fam, 'tis just a groat —
Let's fee it ?— M^ficr m' Ig'out ?
Yes—bring some wood in—What's that
noise?
It isn't I fir, 'tis them toys. •
Come Billy, read- What's that? That's A,
Str, °Jm has fnateb'd my rule a wa> —
Return it James, —here rule with this—
Billy read on— That's crooned S.
Read in rhe spelling book— 6"gin—
The boys are out —Then call them in—
My nfe b teds, mayn't 1 get some ice,
And bold it in my breeches —Ver.
John keep your fiat. My jam is more :
Then don't again—divide by four,
By twelve and twenty-— -Mind the rule.
Now foeak Manasseh. and spell tool.
lean t —Well try — T, W, L.
Not walk'd your hands yet booby, ha ?
You had your orders yetterday,
Give me the fer'h, hold your hand.
Uh! Ob! There—mind my next command.
The grammars read. Tell where the place
C, founds like K, in cat and cases.
My book is torn. The next — Here not—
E final makes it long—fay note.
What are the flops and marks Susannah ?
Small points fir —-And how many Hannah ?
Four fir. How many George? you look :'
Hire's more than fifty in my book.
How's this ? Just come Sam? Why I've
From the Connecticut Courant.
Much labor has been spent to very little
purpose, as I conceive, in this way. Af
ter all the definitions, and examples,which
have been given to illustrate the fabjed,
Wit will forever remain an indefinite idea,
the force of which may be felt by all, but
can be described by none. The truth is,
that Wit depends not on any extraordina
ry qualities of the mind, but on time,
place and circumstances; and therefore
what may be genuine Wit in one place,
under certain aircumftances, at another
place, and under different circumstances,
may be flat nonsense. Wit is known on
ly by the effects which it produces upon
by-standers, and does not depend upon the
abftraft notions of any theoretical son of
faience. This maw be verified by instan
ces, which are familiar to every one.—
Place a man of the greatest genius and e
ruuition, in a company of farmers and
mechanics, who have met on some occa
fijn of rultic feftivity, and let him utter
his ideas with epigramic keenness, and
though the boobies may stare at him for a
" larnt man," yet they will add, that he is
very du l !, and incomprehensible.• Equal
ly misplaced and untimely, is the coarse
buffoonry of the bumpkin, which perhaps
.never failed to excite the boisterous roar
ofa company of clowns, when exhibited
to a collodion of genteel, well educated,
and literary characters. Will any person
contend,that either of these persons would
oe witty, when cxercifing their talents in
these unfortunate methods ? Still, abftrad
edly considered, when tried by the lland
ard of definition, both of them mi~ht
be real, original Wits ; Inch as would raise
the admiration of mankind.
It will be readily observed, that I am
considering the common, familiar idea of
vVit, and am not making that wild confu
aon of mental qualities, wtfich many wri
ters make, when they arrange all the char
acteristics of Genius and bcience, under
this petty banner. If'tb&may fairly be
ea,led Wit, all mankind nfyfafely agree
with Lord Lyttleton, wheri he fays, that
" the man who is in the inoftperted pof
teflion of wit, has figured in fokigh a line
of public life, as to prevent tre attention
of mankind from leaving his greater qual
.ties, to consider his private, and domestic
character : 1 mean Lord Chatham, whofc
familiar conversation is only to be excel
led by his public eloquence?' He thus
tidily . —- { -a^
" The gibes and jests, t'fet are wont to
set the table in a roar, promote the cheer
ful purpoles of convivial tofiety, but they
have nothing to do with thf Attic conver
sation which is the higher enjoyment of
the human intellect Wit, believe me, is
almost extind : And 1 will tell you, a
mong other rcafons,why I think Io :—Be
caulc no one Seems to havtyny Idea what
Wit is, or who deserves the title of it,
To think little, talk of every' thing and
doubt of nothing ; to afe mly the exter
nal parts of the foul, and cultivate the fur
face, as it were, of the judgment; to be
happy in expression, to have an agreeable
fancy, an easy and refined converiatian,
and to be able to plcafe without acquiring
esteem ; to be born with tiff equivocal ta
lent of a ready apprehenfisS and on that
account, to think or.es felt above reflec
tion ; to fly from object to objed, with
out gaining a perfed knowledge of any ;
to gather hastily all the Bowers, and never
allow the fruit time to arrive at maturity ;
±ll these, collected together, form a faint
pidure of what the generality of people,
in this age, are pleaied to honor with the
name of Wit^ I again repeat that true
Wit is expiring, and great talents also."
That Lord Chatham was a very great
man, must be allowed by all people, who
are at all acquainted with his hiftory ; and
that,he was a Wit, will also be allowed,
however the fa& may have been, if it is
true, that every great man is a Wit. But
I can easily conceive of situations, in
which his eloquence woald have failed
him, and where he might have been foiled
by a person of inconceivably less abilities.
In such instances, I infill on it, he could
not have been witty, or else he would
have been nifer than to tty a talent which
he did not possess. A certain Justice of the
peace, who has been muih celebrated in
in this date for his wit, dice saw two men
fighting- Feeling it inconsistent with his
duty, as a magistrate to fee the laws viola
ted,he ran between them to separate them.
Finding therafelves thus incommoded in
their business, they quitted each other,
and belaboured the Juftke unmercifully.
Some persons feeing his Worship in great
danger, ran and rescued him. One of
them, more solicitous for his welfare than
the rest, alked him if the rascals had not
How often do we hear this remark made
by people, upon reading lome Broke of
satire, or ridicule-shat " it may be Wit
where it was written, but it is not here."
Why not wit every where, if Wit has
thole eilential properties, whisk are so ap
propriate ,as to be definable ? No rcaloa
can be given. We migh, just as yell fay.
that poetry is net poetry, because we do
not underhand its particular application.
But all people of taite can determine the
merit of the poetry, whether they under
stand the application, or not. But Wit,like
many other things, can be known only by
its fruits.
Among the many specimens of Wit to
which 1 have been a wrtnefs, few have ev
er pleafcd me more, than the one con
mined in the following anecdote, with
which I shall end this paper. Lairing the
late war with G eat Britain, a number of
people belonging to a town in this gate,
assembled at a tavern to talk on politics,
and the news of the week. Among them
happened to be a man of very little in
formation, on any fubj+a, bg t of princi
pies Strongly opposed to the iocreds of his
country. As the collection was principal
ly competed of farmers, mechanics, &c.
this demagogue mounted the tavern ros
trum, harrangued them very loudly on
the folly, and wickedness of righting with
the mother country ; gave a long detail of
her parental care, and folicitade for her
children ; and then feted the disadvan
tages that would follow if we perfitted,
and the benefits of immediately returning
to her tender embraces. In the midst of this
oration, a very refpettable gentleman of
the neighborhood, feeing the croud about
the doors, came up. Upon examination,
he found the speaker bad made a deep im
pression upon the minds of his hearers.
Some were praising the mild, and elem
ent character of king George ; others
curling Congrefs,and the Rebels ; and all
extolling the wisdom, learning, and elo
quence of the orator. The gentleman
immediately asked some of the assembly,
how they could fuffer themselves to be im
posed upon by such an ignorant blockhead
lasIas M. was," Why, "fays he," I'll lay two
to one,if any of you will ask him the ques
tion that he cannot tell how many Ptolo
mics there were, who reigned in Egypt."
Settling this in their minds tea very sim
ple business, and concluding, that if a
man did no| know such a common piece of
hiftory, he did not know any thing, they
immediately put the question to him. To
their astonishment, he answered, that he
did not knew any thing about it. The non
beaten his brains oat ? " No," said the
Justice, with a degree of petulance, " if I
had had any brains,! should not have gone
between them." Every person will ac
knowledge, that, however foolifh the Jus
tice was in the firft instance, he Ihewed
Wit in the reply.
Lord Lyttifton, in the passage I have
quoted above, has written a handsome sat
ire on his countrymen, upon his own idea
of Wit. But it is evident, that he blend
ed Wit and Talents together, or rather
considered them as the fame thing,beeanfe
he prophesies that they will expire togeth
er. But this is certainly confounding
things which are clearly Hillinguifhable, as
1 have already attempted to prove.
If my idea of Wit is just how can it be
reduced to a definition ? It may fafely be
said that it cannot. Can the rugged ex
preflions of the countryman, which 1 have
heretofore mentioned, and which, it mutt
be confeffed in his own sphere, are genu
ine Wit, be defined ? I think the talk
would perplex a wiser logician than Locke.
The consequence will necessarily be, that
Wit must be judged by its effeds, rather
than by any constituent properties, which
a visionary theorist may think proper to
ascribe to it. These eft'eas raull be deci
ded on the spot, by the very persons who
are witnesses of the connection between
them and their causes. Perhaps there is
no more difficult talk than to detail wit at
a second hand. The narrative almoil uni
formly becomes tedious and infipkl, and
the narrator is often obliged to fay with
the simple king James —" Faith it was a
good Itory when 1 heard it !" Wit fre
quently depends upon the muscles of the
face, the call of the eye, the movements
of the hand ; in ihort upon the man bimfelf.
I know a man who can produce all the ef
fe& of the most genuine Wit, by the bare
pronunciation of a single word. The fame
man has fixed perpetual ridicule upon a
person of his acquaintance who once cn
deavered to do him an injury, by always
calling him Capon,inflead es Major,which
is his common title.
sequence was, they all hooted him so:,
a fcounorel, and kicked him out of the
house. C.
lirHEREAS Bethiab my wife has
eloped from my bed and board,
I therefore prohibit all persons trufting,-
or harboring her on my account. a
DANIEL SIMONS. ,
_Dublin, Dec. 2 id, 1794.
For fah a t the Printing-Office in Kecne k ths
following BOOKS.
THE AMERICAN Preacher ; or a
collection of Sermons from force
of the milt eminent preaches, now livirrf"
in! the United States. Sterne's fentiment^—^
sal Journey. Vicar of Wakefield. Young'
Night Thoughts. Odiorne's Poems. Fa
miliar Dialogues. Life of Joseph. The
Redeemed Captive, returning to Zion.
Devout Exercises of the Heart. The left
Solemn Scene, a Sermon. The Hiftory
of Tom Jones. Travels to the West
ward. The Rights of Christians. Pope's
Essay on Man. Present to an Appren
tice, by a late Lord Mayor of London,
Recovery from Sickness ; a present to one
lately raised from a dangerous disorder.
A choice drop of Honey, from the Rock
Christ. An HiLorica!Caterhifin. The
Old Bachelor's Reasons fyr'Celibacy
A small Essay on the signs of Christ's fe- f
cond appearance. The Toy Shop, Qt <fr
digal Daughter. Divine Songs for c,&.
dren, by 1. Watts. A dissuasive far the
Sin of Drunkenness ; and a great vamy
of Pampblttenot here mentioned.
To be SOLD,
A GOOD place for a Blacksmith, ly
ing in Marlborough, on the main
road from Keene to Boston, containing
two acres and an half of Land—a good
House and Shep, a good cellar, well and
garden, and 20 acres of woodland lying
half a mile distant.
All perfon# having accompts with the
fubferiber, are desired to make immediate
fettlemcnt.
Respectfully informs
the public, tliat he now
occupies the shop formerly own
ed by Mr. Stephen Chafe ;
where he carries on the business
of BLACKSMITHING, in its
various branches. All persons
who may please to employ liinQ
may depend upon having thei?
work dwne to their fatisfaftion,
on as reasonable terms as by any
Smith in the place.
Keene, 12th Dec. 1794.
'juftreceived, and now ready for
file at the fubferiber' s Store tn
Keene,
A GENERAL ASSORTMENTOF
ENGLISH, WEST-INDIA, )
HARD WARE
GOODS;
vbich will be fold as cbeaPja, at _
in this —
N B. Good RYE la&n at ts per#
buihel, and all other kiiras of LOIN
TRY PRODUCE at the highest market
price.
ALEXANDER RALSTON.
Twelve Dollar?
REWARD!
STOLEN from the Subferiber's Mea
) dow Fatm, in Keene, a likely iso
years STEER of a light red, bearing it
little upon a brindle ; his horns turning a
toward each other, and had no other
mark about him. Whoever will give in
formation concerning said Steer, ard
difeover the Thief or Thieves, fc that he
or they may be brought to justice, fh^
receive the above reward from
ALEXANDER RALSTON.
N. B. Tanners are requeued to observe if
they have received a Hide of the above de'-
creption.
Dec. ift, 1794.
^OO.
JOSEPH WILLSON. ,
Marlborough, Dec. iyb, 1794.
Frelh Goods.
Jamitel t/Lartwell,