The Columbian informer, or, Cheshire journal — Keene, N.H., 1794-09-30 00:00:00, page 4

Now I have been thinking, if I were
Mr. Paine, thinks I—" Mv uncommon a
bilities enable me to be of the mod impor
cant service to mankind by illumination
from my pen, and ignorance and error are
Sufficiently in-meed.; twill enlighten them
in such things ay-will mike them better and
happier, and will forbear to lead them in
to unprofitable Speculation. Suppose ]
knew tha:,notwitkfendisg the appearance,
^hat great seeming fountain Flight which
we call the fun, was in faft'no fun, but. a
ineer creature of the imagination what
advaluge " thinks I," would it be to the
world, if I should ever convince a great
part of mankind that they were deceived?-
]t is now universally believed to. be a real
fan; it anfwe e $ all the valuable purposes
of a good fjhiUntial fun, and- while that id
the cafe,why in the name of common sense,
fall mot bcmeft people be Suffered to jog
oe in the old ro^, to walk about by the
light oh it, and to-dry their wet cloaths,,
cure their fifth and make their hay by the
heal of it as usual? Whereas, when once
they are convinced it was a maer phantom,
they would be cautious of trusting to its
beams, and we should fee honed,well mean
loo people, dodging about at noon-day,
with lanterns and torches-in their hands."
I might, perhaps, if 1 were Ms. Paine,
be able to prove that the moon was made
of green cheese. Well, what then ? Let
it have been made ofcgreen cheese, or old
cheese, or an eld brass shield, or a giant's
head, what matter is it to the world, so
long as it anfwars the„,nd for which it
was designed, and affords us light Sufficienti
to feed our hogs and milk our cows by,|
when they come home late in the evening ?
Here, my dear readers, you fee the mo
& timidity of a virgin autyr ; one who
©o*o*o &o©oo©o«x>g!
From the WESTERN STAR.
'•THE CORDWAINER.-No.
I FIND it to he such rars fport,to write
for the iadruXion of mankind, that 1 don't
know when I foil be willing to flop my
hand. This being an author, as they call
it, is a bewitching things I profefs since
I have commenced one, my lap-stone has
grown heavier, by five pounds, and my
hammer hurts my knee.
If I could write like Mr. Paine, howe
ver, and know every thing, as he does, L
have been thinking what I would do, 1
would tell the world all that could do it any
good (and God knows there isreom enough
for it to mend) and the refel. would keep
to myfelf.
I save just had a peep at Mh. Paine's
" Age of Reason," in.which, to polith oft
tit reputation as a mighty genius, he has
aimed a terrible blow at our Religion.—
•' Let us down with all their old musty
whims," Mr. Paine feeras to fay, " they
flNell too strong of monarchy." You knew
hit way ; he is for taking an entire new
start in every thing, and for giving a bold
lead ; rather than not be pretty well a-head,
he would drive headlong over h : s. own fa
ther and mother.
hat not yet adventured upon the novel, the
marvelous, and the sublime, and knows
not yet the mighty impulse of their charm.
—Ah, Ned Nipper ! Ned Nipper! who
knoweth but thou (halt yet,in tome future
fate of thy beloved authorship, employ
thy more experienced pen in endeavouring
to induce mankind to diferedit their fenfea /
in proving that the fun is a meteor, and
the moon a mushroom; in attempting to
efreumferibe the Omnipotent; in black
guarding his prophets,and in throwing ob
loquy and contempt in the face of jefua
Chiift.
I HE hurry and impertinence of re
.ceiving and paying visits on account of
•your Marriage being now over, ,x m are
begining to enter into a course of life,where
you will want much advice to divert you
from failing into many errors fopperies,&
follies to which your sex is lubjelt. I
have always borne an entire friendship to
your father and mother ; and the person
they have chosen for yourr husband, hath
been for force years pail my particular fa
vourite ; I have long wished you might
Come together, because I hoped, that from
the goodness of yonr disposition, and by
Ifollowing the cou' fed of wife friends, you
;might in time make yc^rlclf worthy of him.
IYour parents wer^ fa fir-in the right, that
they did not produce you much into the
world, whereby you avoided many wrong
steps which others have taken, and have
fewerill impressions to be removed : But
they failed, a&it is generally the case, in too
much neglecting to cultivate your mind ;
without which it is impoffibleta acquire or
preserve the friendship and esteem of a
wife man, who foan grows weary of aXing
the lover and treating his wife like a mist
refs, but wants areafonabie companion,
and a true friend, through every Stage df
his life. It must be therefore your business
to qualify yourfelf for those offices ; where
in I will not fail of being your director,
3 long as 1 Shall think you deserve it, by
letting you know how you arg to aX, and
what you are to ^void..
And beware of defpifm, or neglecting
my inftruXions, whereon will depend not
only your making a good figure in the
world, but your own- real happiness, as
well as that of the person who ought
to be the deareAto yest.
I must therefore desire you, in the firft
place, to be very flow in chanting the
medeft behaviour ofa virgin : ft is usual in
young wives, before they have been many
weeks married, to .aflame a bold forward
look and m-nner'ef talking, as if they in
tended to signify in all companies^ that
they were no longer girls, and consequent
ly that titeir whole ?,raeanor, before they
got a huflnnd, was all but a countenance
and confttaint upon their nature; where
„, 1 suppose, if the votes of wife men
were gathered, a very great majority
"would be in favor of those ladies, who, af
ter they were entered into that Rate, rather
chose to double their portion of modest,
and refer^dneW.
Ifend you the following Later, written by
the. celebrated Dean Swift. The advice it
(trains not be ujeful id many, and pleafag te
<dl: I mi, jew therefore te pubbjh-et ih
,Qur ufcful paper.
:Very Young Lady, on her.
Foa tme Columbian Informer, jtoc.
/mu^likrwife warn- you (triplyagainft
the least degree o%fendn?fs to your husband
before any witness whatsoever, even before
your nearest relations,or the very maids of
your chamber. This proceeding is fit
exceeding odious and difguftfnl to all*
who have either good breeding or good
sense, that they assign two very unamia
ble reasons for it ; the one is gross hypoc
risy, and the other has too bad a name to
mention. If there is any difference to be
made, your husband is the lowest person in
company, either at home or abroad, and
every gentleman present has a better claim
to all marks bf civility and diftinftion from
you. Conceal your esteem and love in
your own breast, and reserve your kind
looks and language for private hours,
which are so many in the four and twen
ty, that they will afford time to employ
a passion as exalted as any that was ever
described in a French romance.
Upon this head, I should likewise ad
vise you to differ is puftioc from those
MADAM,
A LE = TER TO A
Messrs. Printers,
M A 11 R I A G E..
WANTED IMMEDIATELY,
A JOUR NEYMAN Bma^d Shoe,
maker, cube is a meat torkman—to
fueb an one conflaat ene,ley forfa maths will
be given, fogood ,aj made, asfaft as it is
earned. — Asa wanted an Apprentice to the
above bafaefs, with whom great „ins will
be taken to learn him ; by tbefubferiher.
DAVID SIMMONS.
N. B. Leather would be given for afro
reads of red SHOE-THREAD.
ALL Persons who are indebt
ed to the fubferiber by book
or note, are notified that, pay
ment must positively be made to
him by*he firft of Q^ober next.
W. LV. BLAKE.
Keene,, Sept. 8% 17,4+
ladies who effe& abundance of eratafaefe
while their hulbands are abroad ; start
with every knock at the door, and ring
the bell incessantly for the fervent# to let
in their matter; will not eat a bit of din
neror supper, if the befband happens to
stay out; and receive him at his return
with such a medley of chiding and kindness,
and catechiSing him where he has been,
that a Shrew from Billingsgate would be a
more easy and elegible companion.
Os the fame leaven are those wives, who,
when their husbands are gone a journey,
must have a letter every post, upon pain of
fits & hyftericks; & a day must be fixed for
their return home; without the least allow
ance for business, or sickness, or accidents,
or weather ; Upon which, I can only fay,
that in my obfervatibn, those Ladies who.
are apt to make the greatest clatter on such
occasions, would liberally have paid&mef
fenger for bringing them news, that their
husband, had broke their necks on the
road.
You will perhaps be oftnded, when I
advifo you to abate alittle of that violent
passion forfre deaths, fa predominant in
your sex. It is a little hard, that ours,
for whose fake you wear them, are not ad
mitted to be your council. I' may ven
ture to assure you, that we will make an
abatement arany time of four pounds a
yard in a brocade, if the ladies will but al
low a suitable-addition of care in the clean
linejs and sweetness of their persons. For
the fatyrieal part of mankind will needs
believe, that it is not impoflible to be very
fine and very filthy ; and that the capacities
of a lady are apt to fall Priori it cultivating
rcleanlinefs and finery together. I Shall
only add, upon so tender a fubje&, what
a pleafxnt gentleman said concerning a fil
ly woman of quality ; that nothing could
make her fapportable but cutting off her
head; for his ears were effendy by her
tongue, and his nafe bv her hair and teeth.
1 am wholly ata loss how to advise you
in the- choice ofcompen,, which, however,
is a point ofas great importance as any in
fyour life. If your general acquaintance
be among ladies who are ycur equals or
Superiors, provided they have nothing of
what is commonly called an ill reputation,
you think foe are fafe ;and this in the
Style of the world will pass for good com
pany. Whereas lam afraid it will be hard
for yeu to pick out one female acquaint
ance in this town, for whom you will not
be in manifeft danger of contrasting feme
foppery, affirmation, vanity, folly, or vice.
,Your only fafe way of converting with
,hem, is by a firm resolution, to proceed
in your practice and behaviour directly
contrary to whateverthey Shell fay or do : &
this I take to be a good general rule, with
very few exceptions. For infiance, in the
'doftrine they usually deliver to young mar
ried women for managing their hufhands ;
their several accounts of their own conduct
in that particular, to recommend it to your
imitation ; the reflexions they make upon
others ofaheir sex for a&ing differently ;
*heir diredions how to come off with vic
tory upon any dispute or quarrel you may
have with your hufohnd ; the arts by which
you may difeover and pradtife upon his
wealefide ; when co workby flattery and
insinuation, when to melt him with tears,
and when to engage with a high hand :—
In these, and a thonfand other cases, it will
be prudent to, retain as many of their lec
tures in your memory as^yeucan, and then
determine to aft in full opposition to them
all.
1 hope your hufjand will intebpofe his
authority to limit you in the trade of Fifa
ic, Halfadcaen fools are in all confidence
as many as you require : And it will be
Sufficient for you to fee them twice a year:
For I think, the f&hion does not exa&,
that visits fheuld be paid to friends#
(TO Bi CONCLUDE© IM OORNtXT.]
BROKE into the fubferiber’s
cnclofurc, on the firft inft
a three year old HEIFER, with:
a white face, of a darkish colour,
and some white foots on her fide-
The owner is desired to .call„
prove property, pay charges and
take her away.
SAMUEL M'CURDY, jun.
Surry, Sept. Bth, 17,4.
'fdKE NQQ'E, RETAILERS !.
YOUR Approbation from the Seleß
- mod be recorded by the Town
Clerk, and certified an the Approbation
by the Clerk ; and you mud apply peiy
finally to this Office.
SAM. CROSBY,
Cell, of tie Revenue*
for the
Cewetj es Cbeffrf.
Ofie efltft&ien, ©rarbfl&wn Sept. 1%
>794-
NOTICE is hereby given t, the Heirs
of the Ettace of Levi Whitney, late
of Marlborough, Blacksmith, deceased,
represented insolvent, that the fu bferibeo
proposes to make a settlement with the
Judge of Probate, on Wednesday. the
aad day of Oaeber next, at the Probate-
Office in Keene, at which time and place
any person concerned will attend' and
make objeaions, if any they have.
EDW. JEWETT, Adm'o
Rindgt, Sept. 4, 17,4.
,uUR PENCE~RE^RD! °
RAN away from the Subscriber, on the
night of the toth infl. an apprentice
boy, named Charles Tcethaker, about 16-
years of age, 5 | feet high, lightish com
plexion, large e, es and a freaking voice.
— Whoever will take up laid runaway, &
return him to the fabferiber, shall receives
the above reward, and no charges paid.
All petfens are cautioned against har
boring or trailing hie on my account,, for.
I will not pay any debts of his cantrading
after this date.
AMOS FORTUNE.
%^ t Sept, It, 1794.
Brigade Orders.
JKjtarlassd, August 25, 1794.
nr^HE Brigade Major of the ph Bri
gade of Militia in the State of New
hampffiire, is hereby directed to issue or
ders to the fcveral commandants es Regi
ments in said Brigade, to parade their Re
giments on each of the refpa&ve regimes
tal parades, for a general Review and In-
IpeAion, on the following days, viz.
The zoth Regt, on Thursday, nth Sept<.
The 6th do. Tuefday, 50th do.
The tach do.- Thursday, ad O&;
The 16th do. Tuefday, 7th do.
Maj, Luthrn Eras.. , ,
" The Gen..has, -bees pleafad to alter thor
time otthezoth Regiment from, the iithu
of Sept; tathe zzd efrthefama#
HIGHER. EMES, frig. Mfo
; ^z^^err"
‘L Tl 'fameetirig^lhteßH^rietarsofthe'
toxmffippafll&mrc,hkddtei at: the*
ckwrtfHbuf&,an thee i„thiuftl. ittwa&iben
aneither^ voted 'By, fliil? Rfopri etars;, tha^
all persons who zro-po&flWoffland'yvvtfr
be laid out id the undivided! lands;in? said:
township, By virtue of. an, division .which
is already granted, freuld as- fean as peffi
ble complete the fame ;rand bring all plane
not on record to the Proprietor's Clerks
that the records of the fame may be com
pleted on or before the firft Tuesday of
January next, in order that the common
land in said township may be better known.
By order of the Proprietors,
ICHABOD FISHER, Prop'rs Clerk,
SLL Persons indebted to tie
lubferibtr, in any name or
nature soever, are hereby re
quested to make immediate pay
ment, or else look out I
ISRAEL HOUGHTON,. N
Ke% Sept. Ith, 17,4,
The 15th do. Thursday, 9th do,.
Each Regiment to be paraded at to o*
clock—the inlpe&ion to commence precife^
ly at n, and the general Review at 1 1*
clock P. M. All those Colonels who b AW
not made Returns of their regimental ?a—
bades, ycu.will call.cn for the fame toorer
said days.
Given under my Hand the Day andi
Date above,
GEORGE.ALDRICH, Brig. Gena.