The Newhampshire gazetteer — Exeter, N.H., 1791-08-26 00:00:00, page 2

From the [Pci&del,.] General advertiser.
MT. BACHE,
PERMIT a friend to give
' you a piece of wholesome
advice.—Convert immediate
ly your whole printing office
into Bank-flock ; and you
will change every tvpe, nay,
your very imposing-stone in
to gold. Here you are toil
ing.from morn to night, fix
days in the week, puzzling
your brains with extracts and
translations from ancient and
modern authors; collecting
witli endless trouble philoso
phical, political,phyfical fads
and reasoning ; in short, mur
dering the flower of your
youth—when other gentle
men, of inferiour industry,
rimes. The indolent and
o .zy pursue me through
plunder and rapine; but with
ihefe I makebut a short stay,
^rH presently flip away from
'hem. Someeven purlue me
through channels of human
blood, and butcher every one
that stands in the way
between me and them. E
very art and cunning is made
use of to secure me to their
possessions ; and such is the
roily of mankind, that ma
ny of them having effectu
ally secured me in their inte
ictt, lock me up under bolts
and bars, without making
me the lead instrumental to
their peace and happinels.
home men fhamefuily employ
To obtain n:e men fome
bucs rob the orphan and
, ~ widow, and, having me
a their ^offeffion use me as a
^dd to protect them from
:/jjuft punishment of their
hounded passions, for which
they are generally puniflied
by disease and misery. Some
think so little of me, that
no sooner are they possessed
of me, than one would think
them apparently unhappy till
they get rid of me; but luch
people generally bewail their
folly all the rest of their
lives. In short, lam a bles
sing or a curse, according to
the hands I fall into.
me in the feduaion of inno
cence and virtue, and in the
gratification, of their un
The prudent man I sup
ply with all the comforts of
this life ; but to the libertine
and debauche I generally
prove a real evil. Those who
have been so fortunate as to
make me their constant com
panion, should treat me cau
tiously and gratefully, by em
ploying my interest in the
promotion only of honour
and virtue, and in the hap
piness of mankind at large.
May such a man never know
the want of, MONEY".
make their hundreds and
thousands by a pleating
morning walk, Up then !
To-morrow advertise the
whole for a Bank Scrip ! Lose
not a moment, for the stock
is in full gallop, and will soon
be 1000 per cent. I know
that this advice is contrary
to certain maxims expressed
by Doctor Franklin ! But,
with all refpe& for the me
mory of that great Philofo.
pher, I think, with a majo
rity of the Americans, that
his maxims of prudence, eco
nomy, honesty, &:c. are too
narrow for the policy of this
riling Empire.
To grow rich by afliduity
and frugality alone,is beneath
even chimney-sweeps. To
secure national wealth only by
agriculture,manufactures, and
a natural exchange of our lu
perfluity for the products of
other countries, is well e
nough for a plodding, slavish
people ; but, Sir, we Freemen
of Columbia, have all a right
to be great and rich ; to be
worth at least 10,000 pounds
every foul of us ! This land
of liberty is by heaven des
tined to amass all the wealtli
of the old and new world.
Our nearly Almighty Con
gress can transform every rag
of paper into rubies. A sim
pleton will fay, how shall the
Bank pay this mighty per
cent ? By the mystery of Fi
nance, you blockhead ! by
the immortal art of Law and
South Sea Sages ! Thole
schemes failed indeed ; but
why ? because they were
cramped by the pusillanimous
genius of monarchy—where
as the spirit of America has
refourfes beyond all calcula
tion. If the taxes are infuf
ficient, we can raise them,
for liberty can never be
bought too dear: We may
freely tax old and young,
meat and drink, body and
foul: —If frill more is want
ing, we can borrow —for men
begin to understand, that a
publick debt is a national
blessing.
Come then,be a lad of spi
rit. Quit your paper for a
fcript.' I shall regret the in
ftru&ion and entertainment
you afford us ; but, like a true
friend,! prefer yourintereft to
the public good. Perhaps my
counsel will have more weight
by informing you I mean to
turn banker myfelf. In a
few days the auctioneer's club
will turn all my small effects
into ready money ; on which
I shall immediately form a
bank for the benefit of my
neighbours. I hope to con
vert even my old shoes into
~r H E friendfllip of the
' world is a term of ge
neral use, but not of general
com prehen fion. Friends, as
they are called, are of many
kinds—various as the hues
of the rainbow.—There is a
" Platonick friend." Court
not her company unless you
court her love. There is a
street friend—" How d'ye do"
is the summit of your expec
tation from him. There is
a tavern friend, "Let us join
in a bowl of punch," here de
fines the meaning of the
rfrd. There is an admiring
friend who tells ydu of your
worth, your wit, your learn
ing, or your beauty. He is
the most dangerous, the most
insidious enemy. There is
a friend, who in defiance of
the torrent of general opinion
dares to esteem you publicly
—who would nourish you
for your virtues, nor despise
you for your failings. But
where is this friend to Be met
with ? We must seek him
amid the phenomena of hu
man nature —and like a cele
brated phi'ofopher of anti
quity, take a lanthorn with
us to assist in the research.
the nervus rerum. If I fail,
I can but go to jail, and come
out with a ticket. C.
Picture of Jamaica, drawn
by a wit who refilled at
Port Royal.
JAMAICA is th# dunghill of the
Universe ; the refufe of the whole
creation—the clippings of the ele
ments ; a fhapclefv pile of rubbish
confufedly jumbled into an emblem of
the chaos, negledcd by Omnipotence,
when be formed the world in its admir
able order ; the nursery of heaven's
judgments, where the malignant feeds
of all pestilence were firft gathered and
scattered through tie regions of the
earth, to punish mankind for their offen
ces ; The place where pandora filled
her box, where Vulcan forged Jove's
thunderbolts, and that Faxon, by his
raffi misguidance of the fun, scorched
into a cinder ; the receptacle of vaga
bonds, and the fanaaary of bankrupts,
a; lickly as as bofpral, as dangerous as
the plague, as hot as lr-11, and as wick
ed as the devil ; fubjea to tornadoes,
hurricanes and earthquakes, as if the
island, like the pecple, were troubled
with the dry belly-ache.
The chief of their provision is fea
turtle, or toad in a shell, fte+ed in its
own gravy : its lean is as white as a
green- sickness girl; its fat of a dis
gusting colour ; and is excellent te put
a Granger into a flux, and purge out
part of those ill humours it infallibly
creates ; the belly is called callipee, the
back, callipach ; and it is served up to
the table in its own shell, inflead of a
platter. They have guanas, hickories,
and crabs ; the firft being an amphibi
ous serpent, shaped like a lizard, but
black and larger ; the second a land tor
toise, which needs no diferiptioo, be
ing as numerous as frags in England,
and burrow in the ground like rabits ;
fothat the whole island may be justly
called a crab warren: They are fatteft
near the pallifadees, where they will
make a skeleton of a corpse in as little
time as a tanner will flay a colt, or a
hound devour a shoulder of mutton af
ter hunting.
They have beef without fat; lean
Frtm th AMERICAN MUSEUM.
motion, without gravy ; and fowls, at
lender as the udder of an old cow,
and as juicy as a deck from the haunch
es of a foperannuateu cart-horse.
Miik is so plenty, that you may buy
it for fifteen pence a quart ; but cream
so very scarce, that a firkin of butter,
of their own making, would be so cofly
a jewel, that the richest man in the
island would be unable to purchase it.
They value themselves greatly upon
the sweetness of their pork.which indeed
is fcfeious, but as dabby as the flefh
of one just arisen from a flux ; and
ought to be forbidden in all hoc coun
tries, as among ihe Jews, for the pre
vention of the leaprely, feurvy, and o
ther distempers, ci which it is a great
occofion.
There is very little veal, and that
lean : for in England you may nurse four
children much cheaper than you can one
calf in Jamaica, They have coarse teal,
almost as big as English ducks, and
Muscovy ducks as big as gecfe ; but as
for their geese, they are all swans, for
I never saw one in the island.
There are sundry forts of nfh under
English names, without scales and or a ^
serpentine complexion. They eat as'
dry as (had, and much stronger than
stale herings, or cid iing, with oiled
butter to the sauce, as rank as goofe
greafe, improved with the palatable re
lish of a linking anchovy.
They make a rare soup they call pep
per-pot. It is an excellent breakfaft
hr a salamander, or a good preparative
for a montebank's agent who cats tire
one day that he may get better victuals
the next : Three fpoonfels so inflamed
my mouth, that, had I devoured a peek
of horseradish, and drank after it a gal
lon of brandy end gun-powder, Dives
like, I could not have been more im
portunate for a drop of water ib ccol
my tongue.
They greatly abound in a beautiful
fruit called a cafhue, not unlike an
apple, bat longer : it is foft and very
juky, but so giedt an acid, and of a na
ture so aftringenr, that by eating one,
it drew my mouth like a miser's purse;
and made my palate as rough, and
torgue as fore, as if 1 had been garg
ling my month with allum-water.
Os water mellcns and musk meltons
they have plenty : The former is of as
cold a quality as a cucumber, and will
dissolve in your month, like ice io a
hot frying pan ; and is as pleasant to
the eater, and I believe as niolefcme as
a cup of rock-water to a man in a ht&ic f
feier. The latter are large and lufeious
but much too warty to be good.
Cocoa huts and physic nuts are in
great esteem among the inhabitants. Tne
former, they reckon meat, drirk, and
cloth : but the eatable part is secured
by so strong a magazine, that it re
quire I a lofty carpenter, well armed
with axe and handsaw, to hew a passage
to the kernel ; and when he has done,
it ffill not recotnpence his labour. The
latter is as big as a filbert: but (like a
beautiful woman well drcd and infecti
ous) if you venture to taste, it is of ill
consequence : their shell is black and
japanned by nature, exceeding art ; the
kernel white, and extremely plc afant id
the palate, but of such powerful opera
tion, that by taking, two, my bowels
were swept as clean as ever night-maW
swept a vault, or any of the black fra
ternity, a chimney.
They ha%e oranges, lemons, limes,
and fevCral other fruits,' as (harp and
crabbed as themselves, not given them
as a blessing, but a curse ; for, eating so
many four things, generates a corroding
Aime in the bowels ; and is one great
occasion of that fatal and intolerable ,<
diflemper, the dry belly-ache; which in
a fortnight or three weeks takes away
the use of their limbs, so that they are
forced to be led about by negroes. A
man under this misery may be said to
be the scutcheon of the island, the com
plexion of the patient being the field,
bearing or, charged with the emblems
of deftrudion. Proper, supported by
two devils fables ; and death the crest
argent. Many other fruits are there,
which are neither worth eating, naming,
nor describing ; feme, which are never
tasted but in a draught, and others in
a famine.
WANTED, by th^ prin
ter hereof, a few Green
SHEEP-SKINS.