The Columbian informer, or, Cheshire journal — Keene, N.H., 1795-01-06 00:00:00, page 4

lofophy, that the human mind is poffeft
fed of. Thank Fortune, lam free from
- this difficulty. No Child can look up to
me, when I am chiding, or correding
him for his vices, and fay " Father, you
have done so before me." When Igo
|Q#s^^sW*^s
)©/ POETs CORNER.
OTfrOOTtOTMOttOOTOetotW S^
From & LONDON MAGAZINE.''
Parody of Jacques's Speech, in " As you
Eke it."
SIR Plume,
Religion's all a farce ;
And Parsons are but men, tike you or
me.
They have their foibles and their foppe
ries :
And we among them fee strange charac
ters.
To mention only Seven.—At firft the Cu
rare,
Humming and hawing to his drowly
herd.
And then the Pedagogue, with formal
wig.
His night-gown, and his cane ; ruling
like Turk,
All in his dulky school. Then the smart
priest,
Writing extempore, forfooth a sonnet
Quaint, to his miftrefs' Shoe firing. Then
the Vicar,
Full of fees cuftom'ry, with burying,
gloves ;
Jealous of all his rights, and apt to quar
rel ;
Claiming his paltry penny-farthing tithes,
E'en at the Lawyer's hand's. And then
the Redor,
With good tithe pig in fleck surcingle
And whiptthe offending Adam out of him.
Shakespeare.
I Presume, after what I have already
written, and have engaged to write
hereafter, I may fafely inform my read
ers, that lam a four old Bachelor. Thb
fad will fully account for any cynical, 0
peevish expreflions in my writings. Ha
ving survived the period cf cheerful a
mufements (and probably met with a dif
appointmert or two) those of our damp,
look with jaundiced eyes upon a backsli
ding world, & are a. little prone to railing
at the prevalence of vice, and immorality.
But I must confefs, tho' 1 have a few times
involuntarily flipped into the practice
hiyfelf,! have^nevar found any good result
from that particular mode of reforming
mankind.. The human mind is obflinate.
The epithets " crooked, r perverfe and
Iliff-necked," were not exclusively de
figned'to apply to the Jews. Our necks
are all ftiff; and blessed is the man who
difeovers the best mode of limbering them.
But, though I am a Bachelor, and of
course fubjeded to many modifications,
yet I have my consolations. By being
alone in the world, if I loose the pleasure
of husband and parents, I also escape their
troubles and plagues. At this time I
ffiall fay nothing about huibanda; but
confine myfelf to parents. One of the
heaviest burthens, which providence has
laid upon men's Shoulders, is the education,
of children. It is a talk, which requires
the aid of all the care, wisdom, and phi-
Buff'd;
With eyes fat-fwoln, and shining double
chin :
Full of wife nods and orthodox diftinc-
next
Unto the old incumbent at his gate,
With silken fcul-cap tied beneath his chin,
A large capacious, banyan, wrapping
round
His vafty paunch, and his once thundering
voice
Now whirling thro' his gum# : his audi
ence snore
Responsive to the found. Best scene of
all,
With which I close my reverend descrip
tion,
Is yocr Welih Parson, with bur noble liv
ing,
Sans Shou,fans shirt, fam hose, fans every
thing.
CANTAB.
>O3<eo33sOoe§ssOQ
MISCELLANY.
From the Connecticut Courant.
The COMPANION, No. 5.
tions ;
And so he gains refyed. Proceed we
about the streets, and heir a child of tight
years of age, blaspheme his God, my con
ference cannot whisper to me—" To take
care of my own." When a Granger gets
his head broken by a stone in the highway,
his enquiries cannot lead him to me, to
utter his complaints, and reproaches.—
When a rogue is sent to New-Gate, or
led to the whipping-post, I have no in
ward trembling's, left on some future day
my own child may stand in his place.—
The idea, that many of my acquaintance,
muff, if they have any reftedions, have
I thefe tormenting fears, very nearly bal
ance the account of happiness.
1 have been led to the^hfeaions, by
the receipt of a letter fr(^^hrent, who,
by his writings, appears i^H, enough to
rank with as. Indeed,not much
mistaken in human natMPhe'would give
both his boysAo be that d^fytfed,negle&ed,
ridiculed, wretched thing—an old ba
chelor.
Being one evening at a boarding-house
on one of the squares of our green, in
company with a well-bred gentleman
from Philadelphia, there chanced to arrive
a newspaper, whi^h was laid to contain
important foreign intelligence—We fat
down at an open window, to read and
converse upon it ; tut very soon the gang
of boys above mentioned approached
within 20 rods of us, & set up such a roar
of foul language, loud laugh, halloo
ing and screaming—together with the
beating the lides of one of the public
buildings, and the heads of some empty
hogsheads, that we could neither read,
.nor converse, without Quitting the win
dew, and retiring to the other fide of the
room. While we were doing this, the
gentleman gave me a very meaning look,
and laid " I hope thee has no boys there."
I replied, that " no one could be more
sorry than myfelf, to find a boy of mine
there." Rut, being a little provoked, 1
added, that " several of them belonged
to no inconsiderable families among us."
However, as their noise Bill incommoded
us, and made me so ashamed of my
neighborhood, that I fat rather uneasy in
the presence of a decent stranger, I soon
took my leave for that evening, and on
my way home, found, to my great fur
prize, both of my sons among the gang.
I ordered them immediately home—but
my furprize was still encreafed, on find
ing they were making such a racket for
the purpose of disturbing an innocent di
version, which was going onin the buil
ding on which they were beating with
sticks, and stones, &c. though several 06
my more refpedable neighbors were in
it.—l followed my lads home, and chid
them severely for disobedience to my re
peated orders " never to be out in the
evening with that herd of boys;" I also
repeated to my wife the danger that must
attend their keeping such company; and
desired her to aid me in preventing them
from it ; but I find them still disobedient
in my absence—and that they contradi&,
I shall finifh this paper, by publilhing
the letter in his own words.
SIR,
THOUGH I do not recoiled that you
have encouraged the public with
becoming a Companion to heads of fami
lies, in regard to family government ;
yet I hope you will not refule your aid to
one who has become felicitous (perhaps
too late) on that head.
Ever since I was married, I have been
busily engaged in mercantile business —
fcldom being at home except at evenings,
and meal-times—>f course, the govern
ment of my children has devolved on m,
wife, and the school-masters and mil
treats, to whom they have been sent. 1
have hitherto met with no difficulty in re
gard to my girls, though they are double
the number of my boys; but I have two
sons—one in the tenth, the other in the
twelfth, year of his age—both of whom,
1 begin to fear, will be ruined for want
of suitable government —and especially
that part of it, which consists in keeping
them from bad company. As 'tis quite
lately that my alarm, in this refpe&, has
become ferious £ 1 will Rate to you the
occaiion of it.
I had frequently observed as I walked
the Greets of the town where I live, that
here was a certain gang of boys, the
moil profane, daring, unmannerly, and
noisy, that 1 ever met with ; though J
have travelled in the rudest parts cf Ireland
and among fevenl lavage tribes both of
Africa and America. I therefore ftridly
enjoined on my sons. to have no conLedior
with them—and never knew that they
had, till lately, on the following occa
lion.
and disobey their mother, to her face—
and even, that the dispute, sometimes runs
so high between them that, they call her
vile names.
I must farther inform you, Sir, that
when our children were final!, my wife
and I were pretty well agreed that the rod,
or any other mode of infiiding pain on
children, was improper correction in any
case whatever—that ifa school-master at
tempted a thing of the kind, it was always
disagreeable to me, and intolerable to my
wife ; in consequence of which, we have
had to remove our boys from one school
to another, three or four times a year. I
begin to fear indeed,we have been in some
;miftake in this matter. But, suppose we
have,what is to be„done ? Will it do with
boys of their age, to insist, at all events,
that they shall obey their parents ? Or is
it better to change the style of command
for that of advice, and patiently wait the
maturity of their reason ? May it be worth
the pains to provide them some adive,
profitable employment for much of the
time, when they are not at school ? Is
it belt to keep them for the firft twenty
years of life, to such a tirefeme round of
dull, flack schooling, as is common in
our larger rowns ? Or should they not ra
ther be earlier put to such occupations, as
they may follow for life ?
Your thoughts on this fubjeft, Sir,
will greatly oblige your very devoted ser
vant.
For sale at the Printing-Office in Keene, the
following BOOKS.
THE AMERICAN Preacher ; or a
collection of Sermons from some
of the most eminent preaches, now living
in th#United States. Sterne's fentimeut
al Journey. Vicrt of Wakefield. Young's
Night Thoughts. Odiorne's Poems. Fa
miliar Dialogues. Life of Joseph. The
PATER.
To the Companion.
From the MAS3A cHvsETTsMAGAZINE.
NATURE makes us poor,
only when we want necessaries ;
but custom gives the name of
poverty to the want of Super
fluities.
ALL useless misery is certain
ly folly, and he that feels evils
before they come, may be de
servedly censured; yet surely
to dread the future is more
reasonable than to lament the
past, The business of life is to
go forward ; he who fees evil
in profpeft meets it in his way ;
but he who catches it by retro
fpe&ion, turns back to find it.
Detached Thoughts on various Sub-
jects.
WE upbraid the foilwhole
father was hanged ;
whereas many a man who de
serves to be hanged, was never
upbraided in his whole life.
THE man who is wantonly
profufe of his promises, ought
to link his credit as much as a
tradesman would, by uttering
a great number of promiflory
notes, payable at a distant day.
The truest conclusion in both
cases is, that neither intend, or
will be able to pay. And as
the latter most probably intends
to cheat you of your money, so
the former at least designs to
cheat you of your thanks.
I HAVE known some men
possessed of good qualities which
were very serviceable to others,
but useless to themselves ; like
a sundial on the front of a house,
to inform the neighbors and
passengers, but not the owners
within.
bA settlement is immediately requeued
of all those, who have heretofore taken news
papers from this Office, u, to No. §B, deliv
ered by Mr. 'John Balcb. There paying the
fame to David Brown or Benjamin EM%
post-riders, will greatly oblige their humble
servant. WILLIAM W. BLAKE.
Keene, Dec. 30th; 1794.
Redeemed Captive, returning to Zion.
Devout Exercises of the Heart. The left
Solemn Scene, a Sermon. The Hiftory
of Tom Jones. Travels to the West
ward. The Rights of Christians Pope's
Essay on Man. Present to an Appren
tice, by a late Lord Mayor of London.
Recovery from Sickness ; a present to one
lately raised from a dangerous disorder.
A choice drop of Honey, from the Rock
Chrirt. An Hiflorical Catechism. The
Old Bachelor's Reasons for Celibacy.
A small Essay on the signs of Christ's se
cond appearance. The Toy Shop. Pro
digal Daughter. Divine Songs for chil
dren, by 1. Watts. A dissuasive from the
Sin of Drunkenness ; and a great variety
of Pamphlets not here mentioned.
The above BOOKS will be fold cheap
for Cassi, Country Produce, or Rags.—
Great allowance made to Pedlars, who
parchafe by the quantity.
Frelh Goods.
Just received, and now ready for
Jale at the fabjeriber's Store in
Keene,
A GENERAL ASSORTMENT OF
ENGLISH, WEST-INDIA, &
HARD WARE
GOODS;
STOLEN from the Subfciiber'iMea
dow Farm, in Keene, a likely two
years STEER of a light red, bearing a
little upon a brindle ; hit horns turning in
toward each other, and had no other
mark about him. Whoever will give iu
formation concerning said Steer, and
difeover the Thief or Thieves, so that he
or they may be brought to justice, shall
receive the above reward from -
ALEXANDER RALSTONE.
N. B. Fanners are requeued to observe if
I they have received a Hide of the above def
cri,tion+ ^
Dec. Ift, 1794. ,
Jamu&l JLcurtivell,
Respectfully informs
the public, that he now
occupies the (hop formerly own
ed by Mr. Stephen Chafe ;
where he carries on the business
,of BLACKSMITHING, in its
various branches. All persons
who may please to< employ him,
;may depend upon having their
work done to - their fatisfaftion,
on as reasonable terms as by any
Smith in the place.
Keene, 12th Dec. 1794.
To be SOLD,
A GOOD place for a Blacksmith, ly
ing in Marlborough, on the main
road from Keene to Boston, containing
two acres and an half of Land—a good
House and Shep, a good cellar, well and
garden, and zo acres of woodland lying
half a mile diflant.
All persons having accompts with the
fubferiber, are defined to make immediate
settlement.
JOSEPH WILLSON.
M"arlborough^_Dec. 13th, 1794.
WHEREAS Bethiah my wife has
eloped from my bed and board,
I therefore prohibit all persons trusting,
or harboring her on my account.
DANIEL SIMONS.
Dublin, Dec. 22d, 1-794.
dvbich will he Jo Id as cheap, as at any flora
in this town.
N. B. Good RYE taken at cf. per
bushel, and all other kinds of COUN
TRY PRODUCE at the highest market
price.
Twelve Dollars
ALEXANDER RALSTONE.
REWARD!