The Newhampshire gazetteer — Exeter, N.H., 1790-01-30 00:00:00, page 1

HAVING considered the in.
finite abuses, arising from
the cartload cf prognofti
- cations, and how heinous,
foul and crying it is, to
tell a wilful lie, thereby to de
ceive the poor gaping world, who
are greedy of novelties : and cofider
ing more especially the natural inqui
sitiveness of my of countrymen, which
fobjear them to be imposed on by
strangers, in their inquiries, What
n en»i?_ls there news flirring there ?
—What do fay of us ? —with a budget
of such unprofitable queries :—I have
therefore here attempted to satiate this
coriofity, by calculating the most fare
and unering prognostications that ever
were seen, in black and white To
this end, I have tumbled over and
over all the pantarchs of the Heavens,
calculated the quadrates of the Moon,
hook'd out whatever all the • Aftro
philes, f HyperJephelift% $ Anemo
phylaxes, || Uranophites, § Ambro
phores, and the Devil and all of them
have thought ; and then having con-
^frvrfr i*f ?„,*%•&„ c,^ Ac ^^oh
(who by the way desire to be kindly
remembered to you) 1 have crammed
the pith and marrow of it ; assuring
you that I fay nothing of it, but what,
I think, and that I think nothing of
it, but what it is, and that there is no
snore to be known in those matters
than what you are going to read
Alcoiribas Nasier, Architric
lin.
Or the Diseases this year.
This year the (tone blind (hall fee
bat very little—the deaf (ball hear bat
poorly—the dumb (han't speak very
plain— the rich (hall be somewhat in
a better case than the poor, and the
- healthy than the sick— whole Hocks,
herds and droves of (beep, swine and
©xen, cocks & hens, ducks & drakes,
geese, and ganders, (hall go to pot ;
In this year's revolution there will
be but one moon, neither will it be
new ; but in good sooth, I'll not in.
fcr thence, that it never shows to the
earth and earthly people, a decrease,
or increase of its light, according as it
, is nearer or further from the fun.
, • Star Lovers,
f Such j 6, their /peculation, raise
tbemfelves above the clouds.
± | Tbofe who bead their thoughts to
foretel the blowing of the wind.
11 Thofe who fettle the heavens.
,§Tbofe whose application conffl in
foretelling rain.
The Golden Number non est invent,
ns, I cannot find this year, by any cal
culations that I have made.—Let's go
on.
Here,ou may range the verld from pole to pole, Increafeyour knowlege,and delight your foul; Travel all countries,and inferm, ourfenfe,With ease andfafet, at a final! expenje.
NEWH A.M PSHIRE GAZETTEER.
Infallible Prognostications
To THB COURTEOUS READER,
Saturday, January 30, 1790.]
From the Newport Herald.
Os the Goldin Number.
MISCELL A N~Y.
Publilhed by H. Ranlet, in the Main Street, Exeter ; O where Subscriptions, Advertisements, and all Favours, are gratefully received.
for the Year
Os the Moon.
notes.
179°.
we
GREETING.
1 Those who ere nnder Mars, will be
somewhat fubjeft to the rib-roaffed,
and to the riding of a horse that was
foalded of an acorn, when any such
pass, give the passenger a blessing with
his legs.
Those who belong to Sol will be
hale and (harp set, and not troubled
with the gout at the grinders, or a
stoppage at the gullet when at a feaft
on free cost.
Those whom /❖#&/ {$ said to rule,
will be famous this year; but when
the Sun enters Cancer and other signs
let them beware of the Crinkams and
its attendants.
As for those who come under Mer
cury. will ft; eto appear more merry
than they in heart be, and in biting
will be liable to be bit, ualefi they
find themselves better stored with the
chink,than they ordinary are.
'Tis the oddest whim in the worljl
to imagine there are Stars for Kings,
Popes, and great Dons, any more than
for poor and needy ; therefore rest,
ing fully fatisfied that they care not a
f more for kings than for beggars,
nor ajot more for your rich topping
fellows than for themolt sorry, mangy
lousy rascal; I'll e'en leave other ad
dlepated fortune tellers to speak of
the great folks, and I will only talk of
the little ones.
Os the Disposition of thePeo-
And in the firft place those who.are<
fubjeci to Saturn,will think more than
once how they ma, get good dore of
the pictures of the Kings, before they
have any, and will often fchratch theil
working noddles where they don't
itch.
I find by calculations of Albumazar
(an Arabian philosopher) in has book
of the great conjunction, and efewherc
that this will be a plentiful year of all
manner of good things to those who
have enough. —Pisces having the as
cendant, 'twill be a mighty year for
mufeies, cockles and perriwincles —
Mercury somewhat threatens our pari
1) beds—Hemp will grow falter than
the children of this age, and some
will find there's too -much on't. —
There will be but a few bon-chre
liens, but choak pears in abundance.
—As for corn, wine, fruit and herbs,
there never was such as will be
now, if poor folks may have their
wish.
As for those who are under,u,rhr,
it (hall fare with them according as
they have nfoney, however this tribe
of hypocrites ihall lose a great deal of
its ancient fame, since the world is
grown a rake, and will not be choufed
much longer, as Avenzagel faith.
but the mortally, will not be ft) great
among asses, monkies and baboon#. —
As for old age, 'twill be incurable this
year, because of the 'years pad.—
Those who are fiek of the ylurify will
feel a plaguy stitch in their tides—
Catarrhs thall diitil from (he brau,
if the dileafed have any—fore eyes
will by no means help the light. —A
most horrid, dreadful, virulent, m^
lignant, catching, perverse & odicr
malady, Ihall be almost epidemw ,
infemuch ihe: many %UI he ;t t- ;
wu3 ~uri, f^h. contriving, cud'
gelling, and puzzling their (hallow
brains —I quake for very fear when I
think on't, .for I allure you few will
escape the disease which Avertoes calls
lack money.
Or the Fruits of the Earth
TLB THIS TEAR.
THIS YEAR.
TH E
Winter —ln my filly opinion those
men will not be overwife, who'll
fell their coats and jackets and other
Iwarm cioaths, to buy a Sampson or a
Isling, neither did the ancients do so,
fays Avencourt.— If it chance to
rain dost fret youfelves, so much less
snow you'll have ; —keep yourfeves
-moderately warm d'ye hear, your feet
dry, & the devil will have iufluenza,s ;
—drink of the best 'till the other fort
mend : This is a season when our
pockets will faffer inanition, for Sat.
urn will be retograded,Venns direct,
Mercury as unfixed as quick-diver,
and a pack of planets, won't go as
you would have them.
Spring, —You will not fee (as
your ancestors did) as many flowers
:his season as in all the other three;
neither Ihall you have as much wit as
they had, to lay by the faring of win
ter, and be industrious to get more
against the time of need :—The snow
walker, and sleigh riders of Nova,
motia, Vermont an^Canada, are to
nnfs this season according to A vicen
•na, foi he fays 'cis not spring 'til the
snow does melt away on the mount
ain,, Believe not the liar; for the
spring begins, when the fan enters
Aria/ .If they reckon it otherwise
now, I knock under and mum's the
word.
Suwwr,—leant justly tell you how
the wind will blow onNqch day ; but
this I know it ought to be warm
weather then, and no* and, then a fu
breeze; it things ihould fall out ocher
wifes, you may take my word for't,
The United States of America fiall
proffer and triumph this year under
the New Constitution, so that the op
pressed of the Eastern Nations fh.ll
croud thither to be free —her land will
ield a prodigious abundance of corn,
tubaco, pulle, fruit ; and her herds &
droves on thousands of hills shall furn
; !h beef, pork, butter and cheese to
the world, while herfeas will supply
with fifh.—No plaugue—no war—for
poverty is fleeting ; then hang sorrow,
and daft away care.—Old gold, such
as Spanilh Cobbs — Queen Anne's
fpecifi: for her evil—Heads & Crowns
will be once more in falhion— and
eagles will fly on golden wings.
The noble Kingdom of France,(hall
rife to glory out of the rnins of des
potism, and heal the wounds that op
pression made. The genii of liberty,
which araufed the tiers etat from their
patlimes and sports, will extend her
benificent influence, notwithstanding
armies guard the frontiers of tyranny;
for Spain and Portugal will erelong
fee their inquifitioni rafed to the dull
and power reverting to its proper
lords,—Jofeph will cease parading at
Vienna again ft the Turks, and find
his rifle, more a name than it is.—
Italy shall rend the pontificals from
the whore of Babylon, and Turkey
the magnet from fafpending Mahom
e/s coffin—when open will fly her
C^grios, ^.i'^ E„: j^:£x^- —J
Quachs will go to oblivion. —The
roue.boroughs of England will be
taken down to the kelfom and re
built; and their proud purse clergy,
man Ihall no longer riot oa the labors
of starving curates.
Os the four Seasons of this
And those who belong to Madam
Luna, will wax and wane in belly and
in purse, and will not long stay in a
place.
Os THE CONDITION OF SOME
Countries.
Year.
Mr. Printer,
AS Time—the loft of it— the te
diousness of it—the abuse of it
—the fleeting nature of it—and even
the hardness of it—&c. &c. &c, are
always some part of the conversation
in every company , —& more efpeCial
!y so in the season when the old year
is about co expire and the new year co'
commence, Permit me through, the
channel of your entertaining paper to
communicate a few (I trul l ufeful)
hints for the furure improvement of
so inertrm b!e a treasure that wt may
be no longer heard in the fame breach
as it were to complain of Time's cedi#
oufnefs, & vet hm„t e^<» <h~rz/s
human life ; —to reprobate time tor its
dulnefs, and yet confefs ourselves
weared at excess cf amusements ;—
to bewail how times hangs heavy up.
on our hands—as if we had nothing
to do, no improvement in virtue, fci=
ence, and benificent ufefulnefs to
made. Prodigal in general we are of
that, of which heaven hath given but
one moment, at once, to all created na,
tured ; while he hath been exceed-'
ingly liberal in bellowing other things
in abundance._How absurd then,
that man should most lightly eftem
that which his Creator so exceeding
ly values, that he is pleased to deal^it
out by grains & scruples to his whole
creation ? there is but one moment
of Time in the world at once
Qf all beings in the world, then how
inconsiderate—how strange absurd is
man in his behavior, who falls upon
a thouftnd devices daily "to laJh the
lingering moments into foeed to burr, bins
into eternity!" Eternity ! that un
fathomable abyss ! that vast eddie
whose immeasurable sweep, swallows
up ail things! Incommenfurats to
our ideas, vain in the endeavor to
comprehend all thins?
Every Chriftiaafs lovdiy proclaims
to ail lands^as well the joyful tydings
of a Saviour's birth —as the mournful
news of death, of another revolving
year, being hard at hand ! the clock
that (trikes—whether it be morning
midday or evening watch—founds the
alarm of a departed hour ; kindly ad
monishing us—to prepare for that
more solemn hour, when the knell of ,
the departed hour of our probation ihall
anounce the solemn tidings to our
furving friends At the thought of
this, the heaving bo s om vents a sigh,
while the palpitating heart c herishes
the wiih, "O that we may namoer
" our days, so a# to apply otii ^'
"to chat wisdom that (hall ^.
" wife unco filvafon!" Pi -^
wifi O may the irer,
that it will be for the bed : only take
care & make hay while the fun ffiines,
and drink no cold^liquor while you
are hot, and all will go well.
Autumn, —Men will make cyder,
perry and brandy, and drink that
with their whole produce, before itis
cleared as (Priefily fays) cf the
Phlogi fton, and away they go with a
fizzlecum fa ; —this is a time to garn
your liore houses, but many a rat
will starve for want ; while men are
gawking, fiddling, iddling & devil,
tug, bua an >l a .j^, ~.. ;
against that time, when the blade
ihall cue from the field, and the grain
be loft by negled.
From the NEWPORT HERALD.
On TIME.
[Vol. IV.— Numb. 18#