The Newhampshire gazetteer — Exeter, N.H., 1790-11-06 00:00:00, page 2

I HOPE I shall soon have the pleafare of congra
tulating my countrymen on the abolition of the
absurd ana trfyblefome custom of drinking healths
at meals ; for besides the absurdity of it, it is very
inconvenient and troubleforte. To avoid giving
offence it is neceffar, to drink to every one in com
pany ; for you affront those whom you take no no
tice of. Unless then you intend to drink as many
times as there are persons in company, you must
include many in one draught ; but how many yos
intend to drink to is known only to yourfelf; in
this case I have often otferved, that when a gentle
man has begun to drink to one or two, the eyes of
others are immediately upon the catch for him, as
much as to fay, " fir, do not forget me." But if
the gentleman having drank to half a dozen, should
think fit to reserve half a dbzen niore for his next
draught, what a baulk and diffatisfadion is this to
the persons r'eferved?<
Weefteem it rude to freak to a gentleman whilH
he is freaking to another er otherwise engaged ;
yet this rudeness and disturbance we call politeness
at meals. Iff drink to a gentleman, and he does
not hear me at firft, I must increase my vocifera
tion: my nearest companions smile, but I miift net
give it over: that looks like being ashamed of my
pledge; I must bawl and bawl to their diverfion}
till some friendly neighbor of the gentleman is
pleased tq give him a jog, and inform him ffiat Mr.
Gubbins has been some time essaying to drink his
health ; the gentleman politely returns the com
pliment, and begs my pardon ; but I ought to beg
his pardon, for the incivility in me to disturb him,
and not in him for not hearing me.
When round tables were in falhion, all the com
pany could fee tach other; but the custom of drink
ing healths is now rendered very inconvenient at
the modern long cornered tables. For suppose
there are ten tin a fide, and the second would drink
to the ninth, dr the ninth to the second, on the
fame fide; how are we to fettle this ?—I hear a
voice, but I cannot tell who it comes from. I
must catch his eye, and he mine, to return the
compliment. To reach half over the table, and
Ihake the powder from my wig, as from a dredg
ing box, over a diih or a neighbor's plate, is cer
tainly not very agreeable; I know of no other
way, therefore, but to call out, " Fall back, gen
tlemen ; fix below, or; fall back, gentlemen, fix
above.- Immedia ely there would follow a ge
neral fafpenfion of hands, knivei and forks, and
the ceremony would be the height of politeness.
For my own part, as I would not be uncivil,
but always endeavor to preserve the honor of the
Gubbins family, when I call for a draught, 1 firft
duly confider the number of the company :—fup
pofe twelve besides myfelf; I divide the company
into three sets or draughts, foot in a draught ; I
then set the glass, tankard, or pot upon the table,
till I observe the firft gentleman of the firft draught
to cast his eyes towards me, for I make it a rule
never to bawl at a table, left I should thereby
offend my neighbor's plate or stomach : at length
the gentleman espies me; I bow to him and he to
me. —I then wait for the next, and the next,
and the fourth of my firft set; and thus having in
a few minutes dispatched the preliminaries of my
draught, I proceed to my work itfelf, which I
finifh in half a quarter of the time allowed for the
healths.,„
I was lately at a feaft, where I was quite out of
lock, and met with a ferie's of misfortunes. ——I
had a nice bit of turkey on my fork ; a gentleman
at some distance to the right of me,, with rather a
low voice, fays, "Mr. Gubbins, your health Sir,
I did not hear him ; but just as I was going, put
it into my mouth, my officious left hand neighbor_
gives me a violent pull by my fleve, and informs
me, that Mr. Pontoon drank ray health :—I, sup
posing the gentleman fat that way, turned towards
the left, made a bow, and replied, Sir, I thank
you ; but great was my furprize to fee no Mr.
Pontoon on the left ; Mr. Pontoon was off to
the right. I immediately whirled me to the right
about, and in my haffe fairly tossed a deep plate
of soup into my right hand neighbor s lap. You
may be fare I was confounded, I arced ten thous
and pardons, and determined with myfelf to be
more upon my guard in the future. I then let my
fork and bit of turkey lay upon my plate, till such
time as another should have drank my health;
lo! a servant, observing my composure,
fog' it into his head that I had done, and whips
" „ nv date, turkey and all; and it was with
some d Acuity I recovered my loss. Ay stays
..favored to improve by misfortunes, I refleded
Zn the absurdity of , forprize in the one case.
Os my delay in the other. As loon as I re-
„ turkey, Ifoberly put it into my mouth;
ON DRINKING HEALTHS
FROM A DUBLIN NEWSPAPER.
WHEN I confider the variety of evils that
nature has thrown in the way es man; while
a resident on this changeable theatre, the world
we inhabit; I cannot possibly blame him for hav
ing availed 'himfelf of some of those choice extrac
tions from the fruits of the ground, which put a
new foul into him, and bid them, for a time, not
only to forget the miseries of his condition, but al
so encourage him to lock forward to those abodes
of joy, whefre the meafiire is continually full, and
no one who was ever allowed . to taste, could truly
fay—" The quantity is diminished." r
What an infignificant thing is this world to me,
if I am forever reftri&ed to the use of totter ! — this
element leaves me as it found me, a poor irfirid
creature, destitute of all elevation, as well as in
capable of great designs, or adions worthy the arm
of valour.. , u
The end and design of man is happiness. Hence
then, ye cold moralists who upon the uncertain
{peculations of futurity would abridge our joys of
the prelent feafori.' When once a # man- departs
hence, he is a man no more. His pleasures, if
any he has, will be no longer the pleasures of a
man, but of a creature exiting in some other made
of being. Let me then, in my own proper na
ture, while here, enjoy those pleasures which are
the peculiar portion of humanity.
when a vbicc rrotfrYrtocnterphrtlff The tabid,
''Mr. Gubbins, my service to you , unwilling
to make, the gentleman wait, I jnftantly' replied,
forgetting jha,t irty bit was not Mlf chewed, a,d
that my teeth were not over and above good,
• Sir your servant ;' but oh! Mr. Printer, the
unfortunate fibiWipn of the letter S too loon dis
covered to me my bit of turkey upon my plate
again :—however, by good luck, it was not ob
served by any one but myfelf, my polite health
drinker, and four'or five of the servants :—the
gentleman foiled, I bluffied ard the fellows cram
med their months with the knife cloths.—As I said
before, Sir, I always endeavor to improve by my
misfortunes ; and determined to be a little more
expeditious in my next morsel. But, oh, cruel
stars !—we never know when we are right, nor
whether too faft or too flow. A voice again
attacks me, , Mr. Gubbins, your health, Sir."
I recollected the melarcholy fate of my last bit,
and therefore now chewed my turkey as quick as I
could; but indeed rather too quipk, for in my
haste, a piece of the kin, a little too much crisped,
flipped down my gullet, and set me a coughing,
so violently,, that all the company were alarmed,
and dreaded,the confequemces, As well they
might, in all refpeds; for either Mr. Gubbins
must difeharge turkey, or turkey must discharge
Mr. Gubbins. Well for me, Sir, Mr. Gub
bins prevailed; and turkey, , pudding, bread,
sauce, gravy, all (hot forth from my iributh and
nose like random shot from a gun.—What could
Ido, Sir, or, what did I do? Indeed I do not
know, except that about an hour after dinner I
found rayfelf i{tlie fame chair, at the fame table,
and with the fame company, as at firft. I drank
a glass or two of wine, recovered, refumed'my
courage, and made the following proposal to the
company :— — That at all feafts at Guzzledom, a
servant, in the dress of a Merry Andrew, fell
flared upon a stool behind the matter, with a wood
en hammer in one hand, and a board in the other;
and when any one calls for drink, be shall strike
the board with his. mallet, and shall fay, take
heed, gemmen ; mouths clean ; ears open; fall
back there ; a health to be drank! When the
draught is over, he shall strike again, now fall to,
gemmen! and this ceremony to be repeated as
often as any one of the company shall drink. —•
But this proposal was rejected, for various reasons,
which did not occur to me when I firft mentioned
it. But it was at last determined, nem. non, that
for the future every one shall have the pleasure of
drinking, when he is dry, with the fame freedom
that he eats when he is hungry ; and that it shall be
deemed as rude to disturb the company every time
you drink, as it would be to disturb them every
time you put a piece into your mouth. ,„
I dare fay, Mr. Printer, yob condole with me in
my misfortunes ; but I do assure you, I shall refled
upon them with patience, if I find that my menti
oning them to you shall have the good effe& to oe
cafion a thorough reformation of this absurd, trou
blesome and indecent custom of drinking healths
during meals.
I am. Sir, yours,
Humphry P. Gubbins.
Guzzledom, Jan. 23, 1789.
Afoort DISCOURSE upon DRUNKENNESS.
By op a y Mi co, one of the Indian Kings, from she
Little Tallaffee country, lately departed from this
city
From the (Ne^jork) Daily Advertiser.
temper g,
" I retire a Ihort time from the Suftie of a cam
paign's preparation, to write to you. I promifo
mytelt much pleasure in attending the troops in
their expedition pver the Ohio for sixty days. We
start, to-morrow from this town, with high hopes
apd small ap pre hen lions.- One thoufaad men march
from tLis Diftrid, which, added to the Pennsylva
nians and regulars,we foppofe will amount to near
zpoo men. What is to stand before this force,well
appointed as it will be ? cannon are to be taken
along, also. The devastations and murders of the
Indians upon our frontiers, in every diredion,ought
not any longer to be submitted to."
fatat—toero ^
A••— Parson preaching some lime since in
Monmouth county, New-Jersey, said, " the wick
ed and ungodly, when they should come before the
great tribunal,.would have their mouths shut up
like the Frogs i* Dog-days?' A gentleman
present afterwards examined frogs in that season,
and really found their mouths ffiut up so faft, that
it was impossible for them to croak or make any
D °i' e ' , A ,
Oa. 18. Friday last a large French ship am
. ved here from Havre de Grace, with 8i pafen #
gers, for Kentucky,
'controverting ,'wW
inßime wiTT comeanen this IrqnT ' wFich now
Sparkles in the bowl,will avail me nothing !— They
will place the full bottle by my fide, but it shall
riot yield me a Jingle ray of confolat on, much left
shall it enflame me to gonerous and noble acti
ons !
Nevertheless, I pity ,that man, who in uCng
this good thing is so unfortunate a, to convert it to
an evil purpose. Such is cur.friend TuJkenalab
or the big Lieutenant. No ironer does the strong
spirit of the juice of the grape, begin to operate
than he in a moment becomes a morHeri Cruel
ty is in his eye and the refemblarce of death is on
his countenance. He fmires fiercely at all around
him, and delights in ads of violence. Por such,
the Great Man above the Clouds did not bi<lthe
grape to grow. For such he on!v meant the run
ning stream, the standing lake, and the spring that
fffues constantly from the bosom of the mountains
To fay all in a few words, he placed such men in
the fame rank with beasts in the sorest.
Who that has a spirit within him partaking in
ever formal! a degree of the celeflial nature, but
will perceive himfelf becoming a better man by
the operation of this divine liquid, the juice of the
grape.---;Is be generous ? It heightens his gene
rosity. til he brieve ? This elevates him into a
prodigy of exalted valour ; all narrowness and
meanness of spirit, if any Pich he possesses, is thrown
aside after a full draught of this enlivening liquor.
He takes hold of the hand of the orphan, and re
lieves him, and his benevolence extends to the
comforting of the widow, and the feeble daughter
of diftreis I was ever greatly afraid of that man
who was never known to transgress the bounds of
stria sobriety in drinking. Such a hfan is cold
and unfeeling. His whole happiness 'js centered
in himfelf continually. He never relaxes the fe
vert brow of care, but like a certain animal of our
forefts, is continually anxious to colled a hoard
which it is most likely he shall not long exist to
enjoy. To be always feriohs is not true wisdom.
Life should, in a certain degree, be chequered with
folly, otherwise We disguise the feelings of nature,
and under the severe mask of wisdom, lose those
pleasures which folly, when seasonably indulged,
never falls to inspire.
-What think you of the power called nature ?—
Tell me Philosopher; Js she at all times in that
sedate and refleftive mood which you yourfelf
would wish constantly to affurfie? Has she hot vi
sibly her passions and her whims, her fits of an
ger and of moderation ? She has even her hours
of play and merriment ; and pardon me when I
fay, she at times commits some little breaks anala
gous to what we call fell, in mans
There is a flower, that grows ir pur forefts which
h's particularly attrafled ray attention. In bur
language it is Called Jou jha ataroah, in England
the Beamer., Upon this flower the whimsical
fancy of nature has painted a bee, as if in the aft
of extracting honey ; so nicely as to deceive the
most penetrating eye, until the imposition is dis
covered by applying the finger to the flower, and
endeavouring to catch the bee.
This was evidently done with an idea of jocular
deception. Is it profane to fay Nature had taken
a glass of wine too much, when she went to ivork
at contriving this flower? If so l hope I ma/ be per
mitted to observe, without censure, that she could
not have been otherwise than at least in a very good
humour.
ExtraA of a letter from Lexington, Kentucky, Sep
PHILADELPHIA.