The New-Jersey gazette — Burlington [N.J.], 1784-12-06 00:00:00, page 1

Mr. Collins,
BEFORE I left the kingdom, I came to this
country wid no odder intention in the vorld
now, but long ago to be a justice of pace, or
a judge, or governour, or the like, tinking
roguery would trive in this wooden country after the
war: But now phin I'm here, I'm going directly back
round by the Vest-Indies, strange as you may tink it,
for wid bote my eyes flint I can fee very plainly I've
done altogedder before I begin. Vas I in commiflion,
Sir, I should not be a judge or justice of pace, for I
must firft turroughly understand the late laws, and
tho' that should happen, I'm very sure it's impossible;
for let bote laws go togedder, and they'll run clean
contrary to odder. One law fays you shall be jog
ging on wid your lawlhuits very shortly, or be trown
out of court widcofts; and todder fays if you do, you
shall be paid wid just netting at all at all : Now phin two
bodies of equal shape, size and weight, are impell'd
in contrary directions by an equal impetus, if they
happen to meet phile they're going, they'll be /land
ing stock still ; so that I conclude beforehand, from
the primiffes hereafter, that judge, justice or gover
nour, I shall be over head and ears in business, wid
notting in the vorld to do.
Indeed one phile I was tinking I should do very
well for a common justice of pace, for I know notting
about law at prifent, and so cease being a judge 'till
feme time before I'm appointed, as the courts at pri
fent have netting to do, and the justices of pace have
kept their shop open, but in the mane time be larn
ing how to be a judge hereafter : Yet Sir, I find that
very wife Icheme is but a foolifh one at last, and I may
be bit for the felf fame reason I thought to be fafc.—
Tho' I am a gentleman, and nearly related on the
modder's fide, by our great grandfadder Adam, to the
great King Cormac O'con, the divil a bawbee has lit
tle Phelim O'Phirlygig in his pocket, but phat's out
of it already, and fpint long and many a day ago:-—
Now if I ihoqld be a justice of pace, phy I wont wil
lingly be trusted above twelve pounds, tho' I wish it
ever so much, and phin I do give my note and have
done wid it ; by my fait I'll be fhuid may be, and if
I should run clean beyond sea, I'll be catch'd before
I get ass, and my vorfhip be clapt into gaol. Now
that's but a low promotion, of phich I never had the
least profpiC tonly by refliftion.
If the fufpinding law should be repal'd, as most pa
ple tink it will, from the good finfe of the prifent le
gislature. and I am made a judge, tho' as to the prac
tice, I cannot be wrong, or at least be found out,
phich is the fame ting, feeing the law is to be the rule,
and that not understood, yet as to phat's right betune
man and man ; if it is not in black and phite in my
commission phat I should fay, as that's all the qualifi
cation of many a nodder good judge, I shall never dare
open my mout ; for the lawyers wont tell me phat to
speak, as they're to have notting for it, unless indeed
some honest man should be punished because his neigh
bour's a rogue, by paying for justice, phich to be sure
he must do, tho' be does notting at all, by phich means
he'll gain a loss in the end: And all this is the happy
consequence of that fame aft that shortens and makes
gafy the proceedings of law by making the fame tree
times as long and difficult as ever. Indeed at firft I
was tinking it was no more than enough, to allow
these rapparee lawyers something left than notting for
their services, as every other labourer is wordy of his
hire to be sure, but I find I was tinking widdout a
bit of brains all the time; for if you dont give them
money, they're so obstinate, the divil a thing they'll
do; and if you do any thing widdout them, why
fait you do Dotting at all. Indeed the old way is the
best new one we can possibly take, I am told, and it is
but reasonable, as the effi&s of one are known, phin
experience of the odder may ceft very dear, and at
least, if alterations were necessary, they should have
been made altogedder by degrees.
I was a tinking once, radder than go home again,
I had better go to one of the free-ports, and there do
any ting or notting, or bote, philll I paid my taxes
out of odder people's pockets, and may be, set up my
&ld trade of noggin-waving; but I soon found any
body would pay me notting very readily for fometing,
NEW-JERSEY GAZETTE.
[Vol. VII.]
TRENTON: Printed by I SAA' C COLLIN S, Printer to the State.
MONDA Y, December 6, 1784.
by way of encouraging trade; and may be noggin
waving itfelf, in the course of a year or a mont, might
come widdin some nicifi'ary rigulation of commerce,
and I be disappointed superlatively in every degree.—
But, Mr. Collins, as I tonght proper to write my rea
sons in print for returning to Cork, I beg leave, at the
fame time, by manes of your interesting paper, to let
the paple know phy I have chang'd my opinion about
the said laws, phich was as this : Very lately 1 agreed
to dispute wid anodder in favour of them, and he
made use of an argument I could naver under
stand, and so I was directly convinc'd, for which I
aught to be forgiven by some, as they made up with
the people, and were excus'd for the very fame rea
son, tho' by the part they had taken, the poor people
at firft thought tbemfelves injured, and some indeed
tink so still. The argument I spake of was the fay
ing of a lawyer, not indeed of a modern one, or for
that reason only it could not be true, but of an old
Roman of republican principles, and my opponent
gave it to me in writing by word of mout, for he had
not the book, and I tink his name, if I rade right, was
Mr. Tul. Cic. But as this fame argument made such
impriffion upon me who do not understand it, and is I
know very true and powerful widail, I'll copy it for
the prifent Legislature, many of whom do, in hopes
it may be a lading principle wid them: Nihil est
autumn, quod vehementius Rempublicam continet
quam Fides, qx< cnulla efl'e poterit fi non erit necef
faria folutio rerum creditarum, fraudandi vero Jpe
fublata, felvendi neceffitas confequitur. But as I
expid to set out for New-York in the firft eart-bal
loon from Baltimore, phidder I'm now on my way, if
I dont come widdin half a mile of Trinton, I'll call
and pay my refpi&s to you; so I am yours forever
and forever, these twinty years to come.
his
PHELIM O'PHIRLYGIG, ±
mark.
Safquehanna, Not. 31, 1784.
Foreign Intelligence.
CONSTANTINOPLE, July 15.
I^IlE Grand Vizier is making the last efforts to
JL carry the land and sea forces of this empire to
a pitch of grandeur scarce ever known before, in Tur
ky. Every thing is in motion in the arsenals. Pre
cise orders have been given to fit out, without delay,
14 ffiips of the line, which had been disarmed before.
Two other ships, now in dock, are to be ready to
fail at the fame time. Four bomb galiots are actually
building, one of which will soon be launched; and
20 vessels of another kind, called idriots, are already
Sniffled. Nevertheless it appears, that the Sublime
Porte seeks nothing but peace, and makes these pre
parations only by way of precaution.
L O N D O N, September 2.
It is remarkable, that the acquisition of territory
in the Eaft-Jndies, though eagerly longed for by
every European power, since the time they were firft
difeovered, has always been fatal, sooner or later, to
its possessors. The Portuguese led the way, their suc
cess at firft was brilliant, and their profits immense;
but the illusion quickly vanished, and what they
thought the foundation of their prosperity accelerated
their ruin. The Spaniards succeeded to most of their
insular possessions, and quickly saw them wre led from
them by the Dutch. These used their utmost caution,
and took every method that human prudence could
lugged, r^y, pradiied every crime that cruelty, trea
chery and rapacity could prompt, to acquire territory,
to secure it, and to render it profitable, yet their com
pany is even in a worse state than our own : As to its
condition, nothing need be said. The French, from
their rage for territorial acquilition, never gained a li
vre by their East-India trade; on the contrary, it was
to them a continual drain of money. How far the
other European powers, who now seem all eager to
share in this commerce, will profit by these examples,
and avoid the errors their neighbours have fallen into,
time only can difeover.
THE
According to letters from Oftend, two veflels Were
just ready to fail from that port for Antwerp, laden
with goods ; they arc to enter the Scheldt at the weft
mouth of that river, between the island of Zealand
and the main, bearing the Imperial flag, they are de
sired neither to salute, lowe- the flag, nor pay any de
voirs while they pass the Dutch fettlemcats, but to
pursue their way, unless obft □ ed by a superior force,
it having been given in inftruttion o the masters of
both vessels, that the Empeior referees to himfelf the
sole power of resenting any insults to his flag. By
this means the question of the Dutch sovereignty over
the passage of the Scheldt will be determined. If
they make no opposition, the point is necessarily Given
up; if, on the contrary, the vessels bearing the°Au
ftrian flag are obftrudted, war commences immedi
ately.
" The Almy, of Greenock, Hastie, master, fur New-
York, is put back. After beating about for three
weeks to the weltward, she was driven by contrary
winds far to the north, where meeting with a heavy
gale of wind, her mainmait was obliged to be cut
away. After coming into the channel the was drove
upon Rathlin island; where she loft her anchor, cable
and rudder. She had 300 passengers on board.
Sept. 25. The invention of navigation is variously
attributed to various causes or accidents: The poets
have given the honour to Janus, Jason, Hercules,
Neptune, &c. whilst hiflory ascribes it to the Phoeni
cians, Tyrians, and ancient inhabitants of Britain ;
and sacred writ refers us to the ark of Noah ! but it
is the present age which has the honour of inventing
balloon flying ! and as the machine cf Lunardi,when
high in the air, appeared obviously to descend, as to
its course, on the oars which he had, it is impossible
to fay to what perfection this sublime mode of travel
ling may be brought. Whether it should ever be of
any use or not, it is worthy of encouragement and an
plaufe, if genius be deserving of patronage.
According to letters received jefterday from Brus
sels, they were in hourly expectation of feeing mat
ters between Auftiia and the States Genera! of the
United Provinces brought to a cribs. Two Imperial
ships from Oftend were daily expected to enter the
Scheldt on their way to Antwerp. The Emperor has
upwards of thirty-five thousand troops in Flanders,
who, upon news of an obftrudion or infuit being given
to the Imperial flag, are to march into the Dutch ter
ritories and take possession of such places as are not in
a condition to oppose them. The Prince of Liege,
who is a colonel in the Emperor's service, remains at
Burges, where he has been to review the ten regi
ments (two of which are hussars) lying there ready
to give such orders for the marching of the forces as
may be necessary. At Sluyce, which is the sea port
cf Burges, there are four thousand soldiers, who are
daily exercised and accoutred in such a manner as
evinces that they expert soon to be called into another
kind of business. From these preparations it is no
difficult matter to perceive, that the Dutch dominions
may be overrun by the Imperial forces, before any
power with whom they are in alfhnce can have deter
mined to come to their afiiftance.
Observations on the fifth article of the treaty with
America.
T his piece is written from the humane motive to
recommend the American loyalihs to the justice and
•oEkderation of government. Their unhappy case
Extras of a letter from Elftneur, September 4.
" The Dutch Consul at this place has received in
flruftions from Amsterdam to flop all Dutch vessels
bound from the Baltick to Rolland till further orders,
owing to a report of a number of Oflend privateers
being fitted out to intercept them."
Sept. 24. A letter from Alicant fays, that three Ame
rican veflels are arrived there loaded with fifh from
Newfoundland, the fined and best cured of any they
ever saw ; that they fell them much cheaper than they
could buy either of English or French ; they took no
goods in return, and were all paid in cash, which in
duced the Americans to assure them they should visit
them every season, and at other times in the year,
with produce of their country, which they often Hand
in need of, such as wheat, four, &c.
[Numb. 343.]