The Federal mirror — Concord, N.H., 1796-09-06 00:00:00, page 4

From th Farmer's Weekly Museum.
PHELIM O'BLUFF's Epistle to Miss
Betty Broadfaci.
DEAR Bh, if your fact lucre &e broad as a
flatter, ^
Yourmfe full as flat as a pancake, or fatten §'
T,ar bulk like a bogjbead,your sap like debara.
I'd baneyou,for " better to marry than bars."
I bantafmall cot, by the fide ts you bill.
Some acres of land, juft,fficient to till, '
Am this fide of forty, am clever and beart,,
Attach'd to no fide, and a friend tone ~,•
M, height is fix feet, and two inches, exo£•,
I'm float in proportion, of Jrifo extras.
To tell,on tie truth, tbo' I'm not a,t to brag,
In boxing, no rankle can Hand me a fag.
Although I'm not bandfome, I am well euongb,
I'll ,are <lo, „ nails, and m, wbiJktrs , rough,
I'll mount my Dutch borje, sued a courting I'llgo,
t By St. Patrick, I'll have you, Bet, whether CT
no.
I've no inclination to chide jour complaining, , ;
For who is more wretched, than maid that is
waning?
But banijbyour farrow, bega, as a lark,
For Btttj jou ll find mea pretty good f,ark.
To Congress ne'er bie, witbptition aforefaid,
In tone of defendence, gray not a word more fail ;
For ifjour endeavorsfauld chance to,rove lucky,
We'll fend out a colony weft of Kentucky,
Half Yankee, half Irifo, our own fabrication ;
And do what we can to increaje population.
IFROM H4STT PUDDING
a Poem, in three cantos.
Written tit Chambery, in Savoy, Jan. 1793.
[by AN AMERICAN.]
Omutulit punßum qui mfait utile dale.
He makes a good breakfaft who mixes Pud
ding with Molasses.
DELICIOUS grain! wboteverformit take,
To rod, or bail, to ,mother or to kaki,
holer, difo 'tie welcome frill tome,
x ßut ttyse ■) Hasty Pudding, m, in thee.
Let the green Succatafh witbeta contend.
Let beans and corn their jweetefl juices blend.
Let butter drench them in bis yelfotide,
And along Jlice of bacon grfatheir fide;
Not all tbs plate, bow fam'd fo'er it be,
Can plea, my palate like a bowlof this.
Some talk of Hoe Cake, fair Virginia's pride,
Rich Jhonny Cake this mouth has often tr,'d.
Both ,leafs me well, their virtues much the fame ;
Alike their febrick, as allied their fame,
Except in dear New- England, where the lafl)
Receives a dife of puraktu in the fade, >
% give it fwfflwfs and improve the tafle. )
fat,lace them all before me, Jmoaking bet,
The big, round dumpling, rolling frim the pet ;
< The pudding of the bag, wboje quivering breoft,
With just lin'd, leads on the Yankee /<#, ;
The Charlotte fow#, witbin who, cruft, tides
A bell, foft the pulp; apple hides ,G ;, ,^
The yellow bread, who, face like amber glows,
And all of Indian that tbs bake-pan knows ;
You tempo me net—myfav'rite greets my eyes.
To that lov'd bowl my fpn by i<ftinaffiu,^£
RECEIPT for a Modern Critic.
rwodraw of,alefknfi,andafcruple ofwit,
M^m, of old learning ; of tafteajmall bit ;,
Aline or two out of Aristotle's rules,
Afatcbel of nonlen/'cglean'd ub from the,bools ;
Os Lathe's thickftream, afull gallon well Brook ;
Qfjarca,ta two hundred, from any old book;
Os candor a grain, and of jcandal a ten ;
Os knowledge two ounces, of merit not one §
&, Abak^lrfnte;wri,f?to aload; ^ ts.
The brain of a calf, and tbs broaft of a tried ;
The eyeef a mole, and the nailtfacat ;
Thetoerb of a men,, and the wing of abat;
Tbeprfe of old poverty, hunger's lank jaw ;
The gander's fag tod-pip,tbe fa&Bo%
mow.
Take tbit daft, „gw&bor,„u quicks will de,
. For critical, monthly, or any review. -^
'%
'f, the MERRY MORTAL. ^
EPITAPH
On Pitta Potter and Pawl FoLLta,
who are interred near each other, in a
^ ^country Church Yard. ,; : t^i& €%
TIS held b,P#,, tydby PAUL,
That wto we're laid in graves or urns, ^
Alhes to & crumbling fall, „ ,
& &to duft t ^.^^^
Behold # truth not meant for mirth,
^3^^ tt
&Meter's mmm'd with Pottcr'sday..
INSCRIPTION,
On the collar of Mr. Pitt's faithful Sheep
biter, of Holwortd, in Kent. '''
" Bow ! wow ! look aboutye, all flefo in Beep's
clothes,' ,
: " I'm the Miniftei's CUR, tbo'my name be not
Rofej
" For I follow bis ways like a /beep.biting glut
" Strip yen firft of far fl-ece— thin fall foul of
. your Mutton!"
A Gentleman hiring of the death
of another, " I thought," said
be to a person io company, y too
told me that hit fever had gone off ?"
" Oh yei," replied the latter, " [did
so ; but forgot to mention that he
wai gone off along with it IT
A LADY feeing the Iheriff of the
country, who was a very haadfome;
young mao, attending a jadge, who
was an old man; a gentleman Landing
by, asked her which she liked bast,
^jhe judge wr the ffieriff? The lady
told him the fheriff: " Why so
said the gentlemans" Because," an
swered she, “though! love judgment
well, 1 love execution beuer."
A PRINCIPAL bookseller in Lon
don, fays, that the booki which meet
with the most ready file in England,
are, Pilgrim's Progress. Robinson Cru
fodind the Complete Hotfewife, from
which be conclude# the chara^er of
the Engliih may be drawn, viz. iff.
Entbofiaftic. 2d. Romantic. 3d. Glut
tonous.
A PRATING woman who had
loft her teeth, #fked a physician the
reafoo, being she was young and
healthy ; Ican't jure * "Y other
reason, fay# he, but that :your tongue
grates coo much agaioft them.
' MISCELLANY.
From the Farmer's Weekly Museum.
A CHARACTER.
'TIM TRIANGLE it a whimfi
, cal fellow, in my opinion. An
excellent mathematician, a perfect
Webber io geometry Tim meas
urei the parallax of Venus, folvei ad
fefted equation#, or projed# a solar e
clipse on hit thumb nail, with micros
copic accuracy^ But, Tim i, not fat
iified with such trifling attainment#.
Law, politics, religion, men & man
ners, are indifcrimirwely fubfe&ed to
Tim's calculation#. He can explain
the mechanism of the Federal Syfe
tern, point out the part# of the poli
tical machine, which are exposed to
the most violent friaion, or give di
reaioos to a Gallatin for “ flopping
the wheel# of government." Tim
underftand# the balance of power in
Europe, and ha# drawn many a dia
gram to elucidate it# principle#. He
ha# made great improvements upon
Montesquieu's theory, relative to
the phyficai influence of climate, in
Jiampiug the character of a nation. §
Forty three degree# and thirty three
minute#, sap Tim, is the latitude of
perfedion.—Rife to the pole, or re
cede to the equator, from this par
allel, and human nature dwindles io
arithmetical progreffian. Borrowing
a hint from the ingenious Dr. Rush,
he has cobft routed a scale, by which
the latitude of any place given, after
§tyking a fo# of tare and trett allow
ance for adventitiou# circurnftances,
he afcortains the charader of its inhab
itant#. Tim illuftrare# Lavatei's phyfi
ognomy^by conte/fcaions, and can
g the capacity of 1 ftarefman, or
I of porter, with fr MW
rar ventures to decide upon the
:er,of hit moftj intimate tc
^^ ^^;
witty the test prominent parts of hi#
Tim wants a wife, and threaten#
to lay siege to a young; lady in the
neighborhood, and proceed according
Ito the principle# of ra^icks, till her
ladyihip capitulates.
PICTOR.
—
From the New YORK Herald.
The DEMOCRATS SOLILOQUY.
IMPOSSIBLE! It can't be true!
What! The British abput to sur
render the Posts! The British, that
insolent, piratical, treacherous nation,
about to. regard their treaty ? No—lt
is not true ! There is some mistake
in ir. All a pretence to disguise fame
villainous trick! It it only a fintffe
to cheat us out of our trade, our free
dom and independence.
Yesterday more lie# came to hand 1
A Newburyport story about Bermu
da! What! The Britilh Ministry
going to attach the effaces of thole
rascally fellows that have been Deal
ing American property ! What!
Bermudians about to flop their rob
bery and plunder I Impofllble 11
Ihould a# soon exped the Devil
would cease to prosecute the Saints !
It can't be, that a Bermudian should
be any thing else but a rascal, a pi
rate, a scoundrel, a thief, a robber, a
devil.
But hold. If this news Jbeuld be
true, what then ? Why, our British
fadion, our tories and ariftocraci, the
President and his supporters will as
cribe this to Jay's treaty ! Our prog
nostics of evil from that cursed in
strument will all fail, and the aristo
cratic predictions will all be verified.
Pox take the treaty, the President,
Mr. Jay, and the whole junto of
Britilh agents ! I believe, in my foul,
our whole scheme of making them
odious, and turning them out of of
fice, ft blown up to the moon!
What the devil thrill we do next?
We have tried French influence,
money, private clubs, iirfurreftioo,
treason, and rode the treaty, till we
have jaded ourfelve# and the public,
and all will not do. The President
and his fopposters, the great body of
American people, swear, they will
not be governed by the French, nor
by democratic clubt—and the, swear
they will live in peace with all for
eign nations, if they can. Now if by
any miracle, the Britilh should fulfil
the treaty, and treat American# well,
there is an end of all our fcheme# of
revolution and preferment. Our
hope# are blasted—blasted eternally !
Well, the devil take us all—for it
we do not (ucceed, we are all poor
devil# !
eoirs lost.
CTRAYED, or supposed to be
P ftel(m, out of the barn yard of the fub
fcribet, in Concord, on Thursday night lift,
[/TWO COWS—
One is of a dark brown colour ; a long tail
—the marks, if any, are unknown— The
other is of a red colour, has a white face,
and lined backbone is supposed to be about
fix or seven years old, and the other about
five or fix. —Whoever will take up, and fe
me said Cows, and thief, so that the sub
scriber may obtain the cows again, and the
thief be brought to justice, fall be hand
somely rewarded for their trouble, and have
allneceffary expenses paid, by me,
bJONATHAN EMERSON.
Concord, Aug. 23, 1796. 0
=
LIBERTY BRIDGE.
^qrHE Subfenbets of Liberty
* Bridge, are hereby dtfred to meet at
the dwdUfooufe of Mr. Johw Carter,
in Bow, on Tuefday, the 6th day of Sept,
next, at one o'clock, P. M, 1
^HsA^M^^&M^^ Clerk.
% Bow, Aug. 22, 1796. '' °v^
v # e™ i•
CTttttCTttmrtCTCtcaMCTßtn.- —te.h-tQQttQmmMCTßßmratw
IGNORANCE OF LAW IS an EXCUSE FOR ^
WO MAN.-
The Jubferiber being duly authorized by the Hen. J
Gen. Court to print an Editi;H of tbe Laws of H
tin Start of Newborn,foire ; yberejoro, in or
der that every prjon in the State might have
an opportunity of procuring a correA copy of the
fam, in the cheapest manner poffibh, be bat ^f
thought it expedient to prejent to the public
PROPOSALS FOR PRISTIN# THE
LAWS :
OF THE
STATE of NEWHAMPSHIRE,
The Conftirotion of the State,
AND THE 4
Conftiwtioo of the United States,
in one handsome octavo volume, on the fol- 41
lowing CONDITIONS:'
I. The whole ihall be comprised in one
large Odavo volume, to contain all the Laws
of the State now in force, those that fall be
passed previous to the work's, being com
pleated; the Conftitutibn of this State, and
the Conflitution of the United States, with
a copious Index inserted at the end of the
volume.
If. The work mail be neatly printed on
good paper, with an elegant new type.
111. The price rolubfcribers will be only
one Dollar and fifty Cents, neatly bound and'
lettered.
IV. Themouey to be paid on delivery of
the books.
V. The workis committed to press, and
will befinifhed with all convenient speed.
JOHN MELCHER.
& To non-fubferiberj the books will not Refold
for leys than Two Dollars.
Pertfmouth, Aug. 1796.
K, Subferiptions received at this Office.
FARM foTsALE.,
FOR s^££,„
A FARM, situated in North
-4= field, about one mile and a half from .|
the Meetinghouse, on the road leading froml
Sanbornton bridge to Gilmantown, known
by the name of tneHARDY Farm.,
Said Farm produces about 30'
tons of good English, hay ; paftu'rage, til
lage, and a fine young orchard, &c.l
There is on said farm better|
than Forty Pounds worth of Neat Stock, ri
equal to fix feet oxen, at twelve pounds—
Also, several tons of hay, farming utensils,
consisting of a pair of iron bound wheels andl
cart, plow, harrow, chains, and several oth-▼
er articles ; all of which will be fold on very -1
low term-, for one half the pay down, and
for the residue a generous credit will be giv
en, with good security. For particulars in
quire of the fubferiber at Portfrabuth, 'or of .1
Joseph Ayers, of Canterbury.
JOSEPH S. AYERS,
of Portsmouth. 4d
Aug. az, 1796. 0 1
^HEMLOCK BARK wamcdT" 1
WANTFO To PURCHASE,
A LARGEquantity of Hemlock
A BARK, tor which the Calh, and a very
generous price will be given, on delivery—
Or half the Cash will be advanced to those
who will deliver any considerable quantity,
in the course of the present season, by
NATHANIEL LADD;
Concord, Ma, gth, 1796. ,■
___————-=—^~——-——-—_-.——_„.l
JUST RECEIVED, |
AND FOR SALE, AT THIS OPFICI,|
A SHORT INTRODUCTION TO
Latin Grammar, 1
r # FOR THI USE OF THE
UNIVERSITY & rtCrtDEMT oT
PENNSYLVANIA, |
IN PHILADELPHIA. ^
^ALSfyfc— # r £
PAMPHLETS & VERSES,I
OF eIFFERENT KINDS,■
1 FOR SALE. %; ■
b -
Rags! Rags ! I
The highest price in Cash, paid■
for clean Cottton, Linen, or Cot
ton and Linen RAGS, by; the I
Editors of the Mirror. La-\I
dies ! tis much more tafo^r,■
^y to save ol^ge th^n tbrty ■
,&^^o;tJ