The Mirror — Concord, N.H., 1798-04-17 00:00:00, page 4

run,
So fro that jucceed, and so many undone ;
Round the ft andard of freedom foe rallied &
paid
A vow of allegiance to die an old maid !
Yegirls,for the future, like me be refeWd,
Let all your connexions with men be aiffolv d.'
Tho' the crying of children perhaps now ap
pears <
As charming as music to delicate ears ;
This muficyou'd find, would be soon out of tone,
And you'dfabjor the time whenyou once laid
atone.
BETTY BROADFACE.
- ffl^.
FOR THE MIRROR.
Mr. Davis,
The following is tranjeribed from the original.
If you think it a jpecimen of eloquence equal
to the effort of the canine ajfembly in Con
neatcut, or those of equal zeal, and policy
in other barranguirg bodies, it is at your
for^ice for publication.
Yours, Tim Dialect.
Mr. Puffer's Narrative.
THE following Narrative was given
by Mr. Puffer, in the course of his de
fence before the ladies and gentlemen of
the assembly of A-—, in March, 1798,
humbly attempted in the style of our
country's patriot and hero, Col. Lyon.
Ladin and Gentlemen of tie Assembly,
AFTER having heard so much
about Wooden Head, an ex
pression, # the repetition and appli
cation, as well at the intimation,
together with the indication of
which in an indignant manner, has
cauled you this prefect trouble §
I hope you will indulge me with
a patient hearing, to a coocife rela
tion of the circumstance, which;
awaken# my sensibility, tremolites)
the very centre of my so and so
unhinges my talents of patience,
at to render me utterly incapable
of bearing such reflections.'
At an early period of life, I en
gaged an a volunteer in the service
of the fair sex, in which I acquit
ted myfelf to the general fatiifac
tion of those with whom I had
the honor of an acquaintance, and
who were pleased to repose a con
fidence in my fidelity, and rely on
^^ ^jr^fofa
their best intcreft tod nippineti.
q-HE greatef foils (y^jay)" • ^f,
1 That happens to man in thetour/e of bis life!
Yet, for a woman to wife Jor a bufoand, 'tie
plain,
Ir wiring for fometbing asfoolfo and vain !
A husband! oh, think of fating up late,
While at tavern he's gaming aw a, your estate!
In getting a bufband, bow much do you gain •'
Why, a bufband and children perba, to main-
tain.
A bufband! confider tyrannical rule :
Abfband! don tget one unhjs you're a fool.
A bfond ! fob tbink what a world of de
light)4
All da, in a passion, in liquor all night ;
All hvJbande I do not thus charge with dij
grace, [cafe ;
But you know, my goid reader, 'tie often the'
There a'n't (we can prove it by tracing their
MR. DAVIS,
I with you to infect in your Medl, the
following Lines, occasioned by read
ing a piece in the New Star of the 27th
of June last, written by" A ^appoint
ed Old Bachelor " Yours,
M.
livei)
Not one bonf bufband, to two boneft wives.
There fueb a great chance, jueb a rife to be
THE Ribukt.
THE
SENTIMENTAL MEDLEY.
the arguments in favor of their
;continuance. M^jor Firelock was
a powerful advocate, at well at
many other gentlemen, who ferv
ledI ed in pofti of diftinftion. During
the agitation of thit affair, which
was held in convention, I was ap
pointed one of the committee to
Ireport a plan of alteration; which
I being done, report was made, the
plan accepted, and the large small
Iclothes sentenced to perpetual abo-
Ilition. Seme attempts were made
at a general reform of the remain
ing part of our habit, but nothing
material was effi&ed at that time,
except the abdication of (hoe and
knee-buckles, and the admission of
ribbands.
At the time when the dominion
of craped cushions wat about to be
established, io oppofcion to the
rage and anarchy of the Rollarians
and Capitet, though 1 had scarcely
attained the age of sixteen, I was
entrusted with a confidential letter.
and was confolted on all matteri
of taste and fafhion. But the un
fortunate event which gave rife to
the grofi indignity, to which I am
fubjeded by the malignant tongue
of (Tander and detraction, was a
vific to my friend Mr. Z. where,
contrary to my expectation, were
assembled a party of the Turban
iftt. This circumstance was the
more mortifying, as Mifi Dainty,
who came in my company, had
formerly been, as (he still continu
ed, a warm advocate for the cush
ions, in which dress (he continued
to appear. Having retired to rest,
and fallen into a drowse, I was a
waked by a most hideous yawl of
cats from the garret, who, from
their found, were engaged in com
bat. Immediate!, after, my atten
tion was called to a poile below
ftairi, which wai Bill more alarm
ing The cry was, Q mug !
help! help! I perceived it to be
tion of all hetd-dreffes, instituted
since the infurreaioa of the great
rolls with the fly-turbans, about
the time the latter was established.
from Miff Tattle to Miss Gay,
containing a plan for the demoli-
casting vote, I failed of the prefer
ment. This alteration having tak
en place, and the craped cufoions
coming in full vogue, there be
came great uneafioeh ba our part,
refpe&ing some of the then exist
ing fafhioßi, which had been long
standing, and indicated the great
est insipidity of taste, and want of
invention. The large small clothe#,
it wai urged, claimed particular at
tention. Many and weighty were
In this letter I was highly recom-
mended to Miss G. who received
me with evident marks of refpea.
Soon after a council was held in
the dressing room of Mri. D. she
millioer, where it was debated
whether any gentleman Ihould be
privy to the design, and was car
ried 63 to 13. A councillor and
communicator were .determined
00 ; for the letter of which I was
a candidate—but from some prej
udice in the (peaker, who had the
tinguifhed for its remarkable tides
of amusement. In the course of
which, I had several appointments,
The following winter was dis-
" To RAISE THE GENIUS, AND TO MEND THE HEART."
the cry of Miss D. and dared
from my bed like lightning — flew
down flairs, just as I wat, arid im
mediately demanded the cause of
the difficulty. On being inform
ed, I leized the tongi, and swore
(for my temper was up) that I
would resign my last drop, before
I would fuffer such indignities to
pais with impunity. Mils D. ur
able any longer to resist the vio
fence of so numerous and outrage
ous a band of revoluciooifts, feeing
her cushion dishonored by party
rage, and disfigured by the lacerat
ing hand of (corpion fury, was
fainting ! I lushed into the midst
with my tongs braodifhed, if pos
sible to rescue the unfortunate cu
shion ; but in vain. It was Grip
ped to the ribs !—lt was now I
fiift difeovered the plight 1 was in.
Their attention was diverted from
the cushion, and their fury direct
ed to another object. I was .de
termined to stand it out to the last •,
but the number being great, I re
treated to a corner, and drew my
felf up in a line of battle, I re
ceived several wounds, and found
myfelf likely to be over-powered
by numbers, when observing the
enemy weakest on the left wing,
I forced a march, and bed with
honor to my bed-chamber.
It is long since I have been insulted
with any intimation of this unfortunate
event. The exasperated Turbanifts took
this opportunity to degrade me. But
potwithftanding their efforts, I was flill
regarded with usual diftindion, by every
person of honor and breeding. I was
introduced to many ladies of refinement,
and intrufted with the molt important
secrets ; in a particular manner the Ihort
waist plot, which was greatly owing to
my influence for its success. At a ball
of all the gentry of Wardwick, I was con
stituted principal manager, and matter
of ceremonies, after which I had an ap
pointment to this assembly.
It is perfealy known to those who were
standing by, that when Miss A. was call
ed up, her number being correfpondeht
to mine, Ihe turned upon her heel, fifi
to the left, and then to the right— front
ing me with that part of her head dress
which most resembled acufhlon. luff
ed the usual ceremony of good breeding,
without taking any apparent notice of
the infplt ; and would feign have imput
ed it to accident rather than design. It
is likewise notorious, that, notwithstand
ing what had passed, I offered my hand
and service at the second standing, which
were declined, and the insult repeated in
a more glaring manner than before.—
But without any refentmeot ihown, tho'
the reflexion was aimoft insupportable,
I advanced with the next lady to my
standing, and retained my carriage as
usual. Before I had entered upon the
chafee, my attention was called to the
third attack. At firft I did not observe
that (he had fallen into the ranks above;
Ibut immediately on difeovering it, (he
wheeled as before, and again assaulted
my eyes with the deadly dagger of her
trizle, knowing it to be the most provok
ing abuse, that a lady could pothbly of
fer a gentleman of breeding.
Under all these circumstances, I cannot
but entertain the fulleft assurance that I
I stand jollified for the repulse of the de-
I liberate insult offered by Miss A, in the
view of the ladies, and gentlemen of this
Assembly, and of every lady and gentle
manof honor and feeling who shall ever
hear the story.
tAWONDERFUL EATER.
IFrom the Afatic Mirror,
I„HERE has lately been pub
lished at Wittemberg, (Germany;
a second edition of a very curioui
Ipiece, entitled, '' De Boyphage
many will rejeft it as an imposture.
This enormous titer, however,
was uncommonly ftroog ard ro
bust, and continued hi# archies
menu, which turned to good ac
count, to the age of 60 years ;
when, betaking himfell to a regu
lar life, he reached hit 79th year.
et Alla:riophigo Wi^eb^ger fi
Dftrtitio, [©ide D. G. R. Fee
hemer, rtfp. C. G. TrerzeL''—
This is an account of one of rhe
most prodigious eaters ever hwd
of : Thi# man at ptetfuze, for he
did it only to get mocey, wood
cat up a whole (beep, er pie, 2nd
ties, stones and ail ; and even
thing! cf a deft uftive quality, and
which o her mtn woud on no
consideration attempt, cid nor af
fright him, brekug with hii teeth,
mafticatiog and twallowing giefe
and earthen vtffels, and Binta.—
He hat been fei to engorgiute a
bagpipe with ail ift appurtenances,
living creature#, bird!, mice, and
caterpillars, by handfuli. And,
what feenis beyond all belief, % tin
Hard sh being offered biro byway
of defiance, he m&de no bone# of
it, but devoured it, together with
the pent, penknife, ink, and land.
Thia bfl faft, indeed, is so (fringe,
that tho' there it p^fe for certain,
chough the celebrated author of
this dissertation mfcs no qaefron
of it, ard (even credible witneffri
mtde oath of it before the wor,
(hipful Senate, it it apprehended
bmetimeiabufhel or two of cher-
On opening hit body, the author
difeovered minv extraordinary par
ticular#, of which he gives a very
circumstantial account, together
with the biftory of feverst exces
sive eaters ; and concludes with an
enquiry into the caufei of fucha
strange faculty.
SIR Nicholas Bacon being ap
pointed a judge for the north
ern circuit, and coming to pass sen
tence on the milehftori, one of
them mightily importuned him to
save his life ; but when nothing
he said could avails he at length
desired hie mercy on account of
kindred. Prithee, said my lord,
how comet that in ? Why, if it
please you, my lord, your name it
Bacon, and mine is Hog ; and in
all ages, Hog apd Bicoo have
been akin. Nay, but replied the
judge, you and 1 cannot be kin
dred, unless you be hanged ; for a
Hog ii not Bacon, until it be hang
ed. ==^
THE Duke de Villa Real, had
a mifcth whom he adored, and a
wife to whom he was more than
indifferent. The mistress waa
young and tender ; the Dutchefa
had ceased to be one, and had
never been the other. One even
ing the mistress insulted the Dutch
els at the comedy ; the audience
refected it. The favorite called
upon the Duke for pioteaion—the Duke
turned her cut of the box by the Should
ers, telling her he would never forgive
any one for wanting refped to his wife;
and that whatever might be bis fellies, ho
had not that of preferring any thing fa
a woman to her virtue! The ftary is true,
and we recemmend it n #& whom it may
concern, ^
^anquet of Comas.