The Federal mirror — Concord, N.H., 1795-07-24 00:00:00, page 4

MORALITY in THE FORE-TOP.
[by A SAILOR.]
TWO real tars, whom duty call'd
To avateb in thefare-top,
Thus one another overhaul'd.
And took a cheering drop.
Ifay, Will Hatchway ! cried Tom Tro,
Os conduß what's your jort,
At through the voyage of life you go.
To bring you fafe to port ?
Cried Jack,you lubber, don't,ou know
Our passions close to reef?
Tofleer where honor points the prow,
To hand a friend relief.
Tbefe anchors get but in,our ,ow'r,'
M, lifefor't that's ,our Jort,
The bower, tbe faet, and the best bower,
Must bring you into port.
"Wb, then you're out, and there's an end, •
Torn cried out, blunt and rough,
'Be good, be boneft,ferve a friend.
The,maxim's well enough —
Who swabs bis bows at others' woe,
That tar's for me your jort,
The vtfil right a-bead foall go,
To find a joyful port.
Theftormsof life upon me frejs, (
Misfortunes make me reel,
Why, damme, what's m, own diflrejs,
For others let me fed !
Ay, ~ if bound with a freJb gale,
.To heaven, this is your fort,
A handkerchief's the bes wet fail ,?
To bring,on fafe ioport.
~THE MONITOR.
G°^ a Spirit, and they that wor
" ship him must worship him in
spirit and in truth. That religion
chiefly conlifts in an inward principle
of goodness, it beyond dispute, and
that its value and efficacy are derived
from its effect in purifying the heart,
and reforming the life. All external
services, which have not this tenden
cy are entirely 'infignificant. They
This maid will much rejoice,
(Audwitb reason jure Jht can)
-That jbe has kept a diflancefrom
That paltry creature man.
Who, left expenses gain,
As family in number grows,
Withholds the sacred rites of love.
Or sparingly bestows.
Who urges up bis wife.
Be weather e'er so cold,
And if foe drop a mild rebuke,
Exclaims, "you wretched scold ?"
Among the jons offtrife;
Is always bappief when at boms,
In cowuerje with bis wife.
And always givefufficient reason.
If e'erfoe chance to fall
Who,rives auitb all bis might
Our virtuous j,x to bumble ;
And, like tbe doleful bird of night.
Does little elje but grumble.
Whose flares are not enough.
Infull, to feed a faipe;
Who can't endure a box ofjauffi
And reprobates a pipe.
THE HAPPY MAN.
HOW bap,) is tbs man,'
Who bas a quiet borne;
Wbo loves to do <wbat good be can,
And bates the daemon Rum.
Wbofe bouje contains enough
For bins and al! bis folks,
Wbefe wife abhors a box of fnuff,
And ver, seldom /mokes.
THE HAPPY WOMAN.
HOWba,„ is tbe maid
Wbofefortune it has been,
To to, a ,ro,er difiance from
That ,altr, creature man.
Tbit nan, nubile others ream
Wboft wife knows bow to f,in,
And loves to u,e the needle ;
Who hep berfelj and bujband clean.
But never lov'd a fiddle.
Whose parfmonioas foul
Craves profitfrom the needle.
And gives the wheel's detefad din,
The preference to afiddle.
Wbofc 'wife is like a trie.
That's ever green and fair;
That ewer in the bloom will be.
Wbofe wife willrije in jeajon.
Be weather bet or cold ;
the PARNASSIAN FIELD.
And,et quill never bear.
Petition from a Society of OLD MAIDS,
for a Tax upon OLD BACHELORS.
To the Lords Spiritual, Temporal, &c.
THE humble petition of Lucy
Wrinkle, Susannah Grizzly,
Maria Shrivel, Penelope Peevilh,
and Tabitha Toothleft, most hum
bly fheweth unto your Lordfhipi,
that they have ever been willing and
desirous to enter into the holy state of
Matrimony, and to answer the purpos
es which nature designed. That your
petitioner, Lucy Wrinkle, io particu
lar, (who is now upwards of 50 years
of age) has, for these last thirty five
years, tried every expedient io her
power to attract the notice of, the men,
by decorating her perlon with the most
fafhionable habiliments & ornaments;
by wearing a continual (mile upon her
countenance, and even by a little re
couffe to art, and lying on the roses
and lillies, by the aid of rouge and
blauc. Nay ffie has even made over
tures to some of those insensible crea
tures, the Bachelors, but all to no pur
pose, for they have foffered her to
linger out an insipid useless life ; and
as her eyes have now loft the brillian
cy that they once possessed, and her
countenance and frame are too much
injured by time to admit a thorough
repair, the only wishes for the fake of
the rifiog generation of females, and
for the honor and advantage of the
nation, that every Bachelor, after the
age of 28 years, (not having a legal
impediment) ffiall be obliged to pay
a tax of two guineas per annum, until
the day of his death or marriage,
Which ever shall firft happen.
, That your petitioner, Sofia#
Grizz'e, has -ever shewn, in all her
gestures, oglings, foeerin.gs, and ma
noeuvres, that, so far from her having
any aversion to marriage, it has been
the business of her life to endeavor by,
all legal means, to obtain a partner atl
bed and board; but all her endeavors
have been ineffectual, and her brown
hairs are now so cruelty intermixed
degenerate into mere fupetflition, e
qually unacceptable to God, and un
profitable to man, Hence they are
so often treated in Scripture with high
contempt, when substituted in the
room of the important duties of a
virtuous life.
Notwithstanding this, it is certain
that external services have their own
place, and a considerable one too, in
the system of religion. What their
proper place is no one can be at a loss
to difeern, who will only make a just
diftinaion between the means, and
the end, in religion. It is evident
there is danger of men's erring here,
either on one fide or the other ; and
it is certain that they have erred on
both.- After it was observed, that
mankind were prone to lay too much
weight on the external phrts of relig
ion, it began to be thought, that no
weight was allowed them at all. The
time was, when all religion centered
in attending the duties of the church,
and paying veneration to whatever
was accounted sacred. This alone
fanftified the character, and compen
sated every , blemish in moral con
dud.
From thia vain & superstitious ex
treme, the spirit of the age seems to
be running faft into the opposite ex
treme, of holding every thing light
that belongs to public worship. But
if superstition be an evil, and a great
one it undoubtedly is, irreligon is not
a smaller evil. And though the form
of'godlioefi may often remain, when
the power of it is wanting, yet the
power cannot well subsist where the
form is altogether gone;
Old Bachelors—Beware !
Prisoner. 'Tis a falfe charge—l
never stole a dog in all my born days
—and if any one Ihould dare to fay I
did, 1 would tell him he was a gallows
liar to his face.
Accuser I fay you are one of the
most noledeft dog dealers in England,
and I can prove as bow you stole my
bitch.
Prisoner. As to my dealing a few
bitches now and then, I don't pretend
to deny. It is better to pick up a
little money in an honest employ
ment like that, than to lounge about
like an idle vagabond.—There is no
harm at all 10 ftealiog bitches.
Justice. I believe, fellow, I shall
convince you to the contrary.
Pr. You must not pretend to tell
me law better than I how it. I was
bred to the crown law, and served a
regular clerkship to it among my
brethren in tne neighborhood of Chic
lane. I think I Should have made a
figure, if I bad been called to the bar.
Just. Then you will shortly have
an opportunity of Ihining in your
sphere.
Pri. I should have been hanged
many sessions ago, if jo be as 1 had
not been cleaver in turning and twin
ing the ads of Parliament, 1 have
not studied law for nothing. Lord
blels your dear worfhip's eyes, I have
made the mog learned judges going,
knock under to me. When I came
to explain an indenificate what law
was, they hung down their ears, look
ed foolifh, and had not a word to fay
for themselves.
Just. Have not you stole the man's
bitch?
Pr. I have.
Just. Then I shall convi& you in
the penalty of forty pounds..
Pr. I have carefully perused the
aft of parliament, and defy you or
any other dealer in the peace to hurt
a hair of my head. You must not
pretend to teach those that can teach
you. I knows a thing or two, and if
you don't mind what you are about,
you may pet haps catch cold.
Mfolf you threaten me I shall
commit you.
SINGULAR EXAMINATION
Before a certain Justice of the Peace
lately, in England.
WHAT have you to al
ledge against the pris
oner?
with white often that the despairs of
ever making a cocqueft, but benevo
lently withes, like her fellow petition
er, Lucy Wrinkle, to have all the
Old Bachelors taxed for the fake of
female posterity.
Maria Shrivel, Penelope Peevith,
and Tabitha Toothleft, most heartily
join in the prayer of this petition, for
reafoni fomewhu similar to those
which have been assigned by their
fellow petitioners.
Your petitioner!, therefore, jointly
and severally pray, that every Bache
lor, of the age of 28 years and up
wards, not having the fear of God be
fore hireyes, but moved by the infti
gacion of the devil, who shall feloni
oufly, and with malice afore-tbought,
withhold himfelf, from the matrimo
nial ties, &c; so wifely pointed out by
our forefathers, fhall.yearly, and eve
ry year, pay, or cause to be paid into
the Exchequer, the sum of 42 (hil
lings, for and during his natural life,
or until he shall be convinced of his
error, and engage io matrimony.—
And your petitioners shall ever pray.
LUCY WRINKLE,
SUSANNAH GRIZZLE,
MARIA SHRIVEL,
PENELOPE PEEVISH,
TABITHA TOOTHLESS.
Accuser. Please your worship's
grace, lam come to prosecute him
on the dog ad.
ASHES, Pot, ton, 50/.
Pea-l, — 45/.
Beans, white, bujb. Bs.
Beef, prime, barrel, 72s
mefs, — 84/.
Butter, pound, xod
Brandy, gallon, 7/9.
Boards, prime, M. 96s
-——2 d quality, 6y
Barley, bufbel, fl
Bees war, lb, 2j
Coffee, lb. IJI
Chocolate, lb. lf§
Cotton, Joutb, IJ4
Wefindia, isg
Corn, foutb, bufe. 6s
—■ — north, 656
Codfife, quintal, 27s
Cheese, 16. 10a
Flour, fuperj. bbl. 78s
common, 75 f
middling, 60s
Flax, lb. gd
Flaxjeed, buJh. 4^6
Gunpowder, lb. y 6
Gin,foreign, gal. 7:6
home, 5/9
Hogs lard, lb. lid
Hoops, begfe. M. IZOJ
barrel, 90s
Herrings, dry, bbl. 30s
pickled, 26s
l lron, American,ton, 2SI
Swedes, 28/
Indigo, Carolina, lb. fr
French, ioj
Lemons, box, 33s
Molaffs, gall. y 6
Oil, linjeed, gall.. 4/6
C, N. B. The Directors will meet at laid
.Stickney's on the Monday previous to said
meeting, at one of the clock, p. m. when
those who have demands against said propri
etors for furnishing materials for the bridge,
are requested to exhibit the fame for adjust.
ment.
TF Mary Clark, alias Hutchens, or
her heirs, or legal representative, will ap^
ply to Mr. Jacob Clark, of Medfield, in the
county of Suffolk, (now Norfolk,, fate of
Maffichufetts, she may receive a handsome
Legacy, left her by het father, Edward
Clark, late of Medfield aforefaid, deceased.
O As it is unknown where the said Marv
is now resident, the several printers in th*
and the neighboring states, are earnestly re
queued to publish the above in their papers,
three weeks successively. June 30. .
Pr. I dare you to convia me on
the statute of io G. 3. The word
bitch it not so much at mentioned in
it. I had the opinion of my breth
ren upon chit gig, and blast me if I
don't steal at many bitches at I come
near, spite of all the old women in the
tommiffion.
~ Just. If you call me an old woman
again, I'll trounce you.
Pr. Read that and be convinced.
[Prefenting to the juftict the aR of par
liament against dog flealing.]
Just. [After reading the aß] Dis
charge this fellow—l shall not ven
ture to commit him.
Pr. Lord help the poor law makers,
they always leave a hole for a man of
geniojit, to creep out of ! If they have
a mind to make their aft? binding,
they must consult one of us knowing
ones, who are up to a thing or two,
which is more than you are.
Prices Current,
By the quantity, at Boston, July 17.
Copied from the Mercury.
THE Proprietors of said Bridge
are hereby notified and requested to
meet at the house of Mr. William Stickney,
innkeeper in Concord, on Tuefday, the 4th
day of August next, at X of the clock, a.m.
when met, to determine what sum or sums
of money are necessary to be railed, and as
sess the fame accordingly.
By order of the Directors,
JOHN COLBY, P. Clerk, pro tern.
July 15, 1795.
,2# Is not a biteba deg?
Pr. la rot your wife a justice of
the peace ? Your worship won't pre
tend to fay now that a cow is a ball.
>ft 1 insist upon it, that accords
leg to the true spirit of the feature, a
dog and a bitch is exactly the fame
thing.
Pr. You had better camm/ forri
catior.
CONCORD BRIDGE.
' .Oats, buJh. 336
' .Pork, I hogg, bbl. 102 s
. —1 & half do. 96s
s — middlings, 120 s
. Pitch, bbl. IBr
/ Pepper, lb. 2jß
. Rum, Weftin. gal. 6s
s-■ New. 4'4
s Rice, cwt. 36s
s Raisins, cajk, 48/
s jar, 20s
I Rye, buJh. 8/
; Rojin, bbl. 28/
, Sugar, Mufco. cwt. 78s
)i loaf,lb. IJ7
s white, rot. 96s
) Soap, terpentine, lb. If
$ cafile, 1/4
1 Salmon, bbl. §p
f Salt, coarse, bbd. 36s
f fine, 30/
f Staves, white oak,
i barrel, M. 108;
)red oak, bhd. 66:
) — bbl. 54,
) Shingles, mer. M. 18,
, Tea, Bobea, lb. 2:3
i Soufbeng, 3s.
1— — Hyfon, 7,
i Tobacco,jhip.rot. 39s
i manufaß. 46s
sTar, bbl. 1„
l Turpentine, 18s
Tallow, lb. 12d
IWheat, bufb. 12s
iWine, Madeir.gat. Iff
1 Sberry, 7:6
) Lifan, ; case, 9s
1 •— Malaga, — 138,