The Pennsylvania packet, or, The general advertiser — Lancaster, Pa.;Philadelphia, Pa., 1779-04-13 00:00:00, page 1

General L E E.
Sir,
TH E Chef d^euvre of your capacity which has been
so long on the way, has at length come to hand.
The (pace or two menths has elapsed since it was announc
ed to me, that General Lee was preparing a sublimate of
so corrosive and searching a quality, that like the drops of
aqua-fortis, it would burn up whatever was touched by it.
I gave it as my opinion to the authors of the information,
that if it did not leave an odour like the perfufion of a cer
tain species of the cat (not the civet) well known to na
turalists, it would be, in every other refpetl, perfectly in
noxious.
You have been two months in drawing up your publica
tion, and if this is a less time than that in which I have
Wen engaged in eftablilhing a correfpondeace and coher
ing materials for the United States Magazine, it is to be
attributed to the great facility with which you write, a
gift which is not common to every one. The firft part of
your fabrication you had got through fix weeks ago, far it
is at least that time since I have heard of your hawking it
about the streets and shewing it to hostlers and oyster-men
as is usual with you, and which is undoubtedly commend
able: for it behoves a man to take the opinion of his
friends, and make the b^t use of all criticisms and obser
vations on his work before he ventures to lay it before the
public. Nevertheless, I do not think it equally advisa
ble to admit every one of these people to foift in a para
graph of their own, as seems to have been the case with
this composition ; for, certainly, the figure of the bell
man and yourfelf throwing something from the window on
bis bead, can be of no other original.
At length, with all its corrections and amendments, it
has appeared in the Advertiser, and the world must allow
thatit has considerable merit. Yet, when we bring it in
to view that you have been two months about it, and that
in the mean time you have had the pay of a Major-Gene
ral, the performance, however aKcellent, will hardly ap
pear to be worth the expence of it. In the entrance of the
work you take the liberty to inveigh against the United
States Magazine, a publication which, from the begin
ning, I had apprehended would not be pleasing to you.
The lift of th© Members of Congress which it contains in
the firfl page of it, must be to you what a lift of the
Angels in Paradise would have been to Lucifer after he had
been precipitated headlong. Moreover, that portion of
whiggifm, pretty largely interspersed in it, must have
operated on your olfa&ory nerve like the smell of a burnt
fifh to Tobit's devil, or the application of certain herbs,
as the hunters inform us, to the nose of a tattle-snake.
The HIGHEST PRICE
IS GIVEN FOR
CLEAN LINEN RAGS,
BY
JOHN DUNL A P,
^x^xx^^x^^x^x^x
But let me fee : th^ ostensible reason of your dislike to
the Magazine, is that it has become the repefitory of a
letter writ to the amiable Miss Franks, and that, as you
would insinuate, it has been the vehicle of this letter to the
British at New-York, I cannot believe ft; for the Unit
ed States Magazine will be avoided by those people for
the fame reason that it is avoided by you, and it is very
unlikely that it has been yet seen amongst them. It is more
probable that the letter has been contrived to them by
yourfelf; and indeed, we can have little doubt on this
head, if we recoiled that about the time it made its firft
appearancein this citv you made a trip to the lines at Eli
zabeth-Town, New-jersey, and as some suppose for the
express purpose of more easily transmitting it.
At any rate, your correspondence appears to be so re
gular with Rivington, from whom you receive the
Gazettes, that it Could have been no matter of difficulty
for you to have sent in, at any time, yourfa d'efprit to that
gentleman; and from the archness of your sneer at this
city, which is not an Athens, we may easily collect 'that it
would by no means have contested you to have had it
confined to its environs, when with a little trouble, you
might have enjoyed the sublime pleasure of hearing of its
arrival at New-York, flourishing and drawing the atten
tion of many young ladies as chearful and as sprightly as
Miss Franks.
It is uncandid in you, General Lee, now that you have
taken so much pains to have the thing made public, to
disapprove of it, especially as you had taken care to have
some hundred copies circulated through this town before
any publisher of papers was so good matured as to admit it
to the press. That you were once fond of ft, whatever
you may now pretend to fay, is indubitable from the fre
quency of your rehearing it; and once particularly in
the company of two or three French gentlemen, where
you g#te some broad hints, that it were not amiss if it was
translated into their language, arid sent to the Academic
Romaic des Infoiptions et Relles Lettres s as a quelque mor-
^SD AT, APRIL 13, 177,.
THE
^^^^ Am ^^^^
or L the
GENERAL ^H^M ADVERTISER
[ Price as. 6d. single, 2s. by the quantity. Published every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. ]
reauef literary merit. You now afreet to call it filly,
and in truth, there are many persons who have thought it
so: Nevertheless, Sir, we very highly value it, as, in the
museum of a college, we value scull-pieces, odd-heads
and jaw-teeth, not because of their excellence, but be
cause of the animals from which the virtuoso has extracted
them. In oratory it is not always the real merit, but the
Angularity, or some other chiraaeriftic of the holder
forth that strikes the attention of the multitude. Wheri
an Ouran Outang, n the reign of George the First, was
brought from the woods of Hanover to England, and was
said to have uttered some uncouth founds, even the phi
losophers of that day came from all quarters to examine
nature, and to hear how the wild man would express him
felf: For, Sir, though you may affed to call yourfelf of
the human species, yet let me tell you that when we con
fider the currifonefs of your humour and attachment to a
certain species of the quadruped, we cannot strain our
complaisance so far as to be of that opinion with you. I
(hall not undertake to fay whether as to genus you belong
to the mammalia, amphibia, infeda or vermes of animals ;
or whether as to species, you are fera, glis, pecus, or bel
lua, but (hall leave it to the Philosophical Society of this
city, who I believe have it now before them, and will
Shortly give it to the public with a proper plate and de
scription, in the firft publication of transactions; or per
haps sooner, through the channel of the United States Ma
gazine.
Ibis town is not an Athens ; nor are you, Sir, a Dio
genes; for though from the derivation of the word you
might be called a cynic, and draw some resemblance from
your living in a dog-kennel, a place almost as closely
circumferibed as a tub, yet you have so little pretence to
philosophy, that you can never be ranked with that an
cient.
You are right in fuppefing that,our publications have
been laughed at ; and it is an argument of the politeness of
my countrymen, that when you have observed them
laughing, and have enquired the cause of it, they have
fignified that it was only at a parenthesis.
You may perhaps remember your famous publication
relative to the affair of Monmouth, in which you set out
to prove that whether you had orders to fight or not to
fight, yet you had obeyed them On this occasion there
were many pe&fons who thought you as ingenious as the
fcheol-mtn amongf tthe Greeks, who would undertake to
prove which ever of the propositions you appointed to
them, that you had horns on your head or that you had
not horns. The syllogism would have done honour to
Aristotle; and if there were some young persons who
were attested with risibility, and you observed them [to
smile, it was the best thing the) could fay to you, that it
was at a pare*;bejis.
It ts to be lamented, I confefs, that the copy of your let
ter handed to us did not happen to be the most correct
one : But, Sir, it is the case with Homer (which I ac
knowledge is a less valuable work) that from the careless
ness of tranferibers and the officioulnefs of critics, the text
has been in some places mangled, and in others interpolated:
Without doubt the like accidents may have befallen, and
the like liberties may havdbeen taken with your compo
sition, in the course of its progress through the hands of the
learned, to that most ingenious gentleman your confidant
Dr. C- from whom we received it. One sentence, in
deed, in which the vigour of the lady afling on her part
was expressed, we ventured (we are now sensible with
to@ daring a presumption) to mutilate. But we thought
that, however, in your opinion, it might be delicate enough
for the lady you intended it; yet for a page in our Ma
gazine it was rather indecent. However, if you could
fpar^ half a wonth to revise it, and to faperintand a second
edition of it, with the spelling and punßuation agreeable
to your fancy, it would be a truly valuable deposit with
the world, and wo^ld most assuredly convey your fame to
immortality.
The words heavenly muse and verses recal t$ my me
mory a circumstance of yotir shewing me, some time ago,
a poetical performance of about a score of lines, which you
assured me you had absolutely written with the assistance
of no more than one other gentleman; asci this which
had been published in England, and was bound up with a
song of Triftram Shandy's, you seemed to hint to me
might do very well to be republished in the magazine ;
and indeed, Sir, ycu must excuse me if I attribute to my
not complying with your expectation, your outrageous
invective against those more favoured pieces which have
been admitted in this repository. Yotir inventive, how
ever, I have the pleasure to inform you, has not given the
least offence to those interested in the success of the pub
lication ; for they count it an honour to be ranked by you
as an object of inventive with those whom you represent
as weak, corrupt, and tyrannical adminiflratvrs ot public
affairs —the Congress; or with ignorant, blundering, and
conceited Generals —the American Brigadiers, Major-Ge
nerals, and his Excellency the Commander in Chief at the
head of them.
The nine of General Moultrie in the United States
Magazine, appears to be to you like holy watar to a
witch, it frightens you effectually. Is it because he de
fended Fort Sullivan contrary to yo&r judgment; whit^
was to evacuate it? ,
A second Tetter to Miss Franks, which is of the apolo
getic kind, makes the body of your late work in the Ad
vertiser. This letter is entire, we may suppose, and the
punctuation is your own, as it has been printed undec
your direction ; yet, with all these advantages in the cir
cumfUnce of birth, there are some ill-natured persons who
think it not equal to toe former. In your own judgment
it has manifertly the preference; for tue £rft was Jit, and
Jooli/b trajb, and wretched fluff, and miserable enough God
knows; though, by the bye, there was no neceffitv of ap
pealing to Omnifeienct in the case; 1 ut this is produced as
something better to atbfie for it, and to relieve your litera
ry reputation from the obloquy under which it may have
laboured.'
It is your apology to Miss Franks that ffie is obviouJl,
not the objefl, but tlw vehicle of this 'letter. Now whether it
is polite to insinuate to a lady, that you had made choice
of her as the vehicle df fdhnefs and foolish trafo, and
wretched fluff a^d miserable poflfcript-wit, and raillery
and sarcasm, and an, jatyr, I shall leave to the readers of
Lord Chefterfald. What you can mean by an, fat,r,
which animal is a species of the monkey, or haw the lady
could be m de the vehicle of such creature, is t© me ca
baliftical; and you are so polished a foholar, that you coudl
not have written it for satire.
It is among the firft of your declarations in thi t letter
to Miss Franks, that you had not the least intention of of
fending her, but only of anting the player on the bagpipe
for a while, to make fpart for her and the ladies who )orm
her circle. The wags have observed, that it is high enough
to fee a General who wears a commission second in conr~
mand on the Continent, to degrade himfelf to the office of
making pajtime for. Mils Franks. But we must excuse
your forgetfulnefs of yotir own dignity, and your defeend
ing to such butfoonry oil this occafiort, when you affuro
the lady that it is owin^ to the high rejpefl and regard
you have for her chatetir^ Now I have not the least in
clination to bear hard on the character of this young la
dy in a publication addruffed to such an animal as you;
but I must observe that fte is avowedly a Tory, because
it is necessary to inform the world tuat it is this among ft
her good qualities which ypu embrace with the most parti
cular affedion.
It is matter of furprize to you, that the lady could be
persuaded to take offence at your harmless epiftte. It
would be matter of furpri; e to every one else, if a lady
of delicacy and tolerable emderftandtng would not have
been offended. If the h%d cenfidered it in the light irt
which you intended ft, as a piece of ill-nature, of which
she wa.s to become the vehicle, the must certainly have
thought it at least impertinent: And, if she had consider
ed it as a kind of jocular love-letter, accompanied with
the rather gross emblem of the ^berryvallies, in the man
ner though not in the taste of an Asiatic, who presents '&
jonquil for his billet doux, she must have equally resent
ed it as an insult upon ter character. In the opinion of
most persons, Miss Franks has done herfelf credit, by
treating you apu your proposed correspondence with con
tempt.
You tell Miss Franks, that you have not the vain am
bition of puffing for a wit. I congratulate you on hav
iog ^ ot c ' ear of that ambition. You have had it long
enough ; find it was high time, in all conscience, to dismiss
it. You have made many laudable attempts, in the course
of your life, to gain the clear height of this excellence,
Allying on from one pun, and witicifm, and publication
to another, stretching and clambering like a wasp upon a
wall, but still falling down again. You may now take a
little left since this ambition has departed. But I cannot
give you joy in the fame manner, when you tell the lady
that the itch of fftibbHng, which has so long affected
you, is also gone; because a man may be sensible that he
is not able to shine away in the brilliancy of wit, and yet
he may entertain some hope of acquiring lasting honour
in-tbe serious and moral way of writing. From this cir
cumfiance I have my apprehenfi@ns, that you may not
even yet be so clear of it as you seem to imagine. You
deny that you writ those charafaers that were handed
about the Greets of this city last winter; but it is very
common rth yotir great gehi^fes and bright wits, when
any one of them throws out-afa d' e/pr+t, not to care all
at once to be known for the author ; but the world in spite
of your modesty do you justice with regard to this little
matter, for they all fee that it is perfedly in your stile
and manner.
You talk of pufoing,our ^uixotifm, and would induce a
comparison with the hero of Cervantes: But though in
point of outlandishness you may have exotifm; and in
point of dulftefs chaotifm ; and in point of felf-deceptim
^ixotifa; reckoning yourfelf as you seem to do, an,
exotic, chaotic, and quixotic adventurer; yet, as,
with all the fooleries, knight-errantries and oddities of the
Knight of La Mancha you are not possessed of his good
nature, it becomes the basest proftifttion of parallels to
place yourfelf on a page with him.
You talk of your dullness, and would have it attributed
to„urfeQilit, ; but h®w dullrief, can ^, the effed offer-