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Date: 2000-06-21 00:22:00+00:00
Subject: Fwd: Fw: Dave Barry

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Subject: Fwd: Fw: Dave Barry
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All right, my friends, here are words to live by.  For you men, #14 is 
particularly important.  For everyone, #19 is the bottom line.    
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Subject: Fw: Dave Barry
Date: Tue, 20 Jun 2000 14:48:55 -0700
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>
> >
> > 19 THINGS THAT IT  TOOK ME 50 YEARS TO LEARN by DAVE BERRY
> >
> > 1. Never under any circumstances  take a sleeping pill and a laxative on
> > the same night.
> >
> > 2. If you had to  identify, in one word, the reason why the human race
has
> > not achieved, and never  will achieve, its full potential, that word
would
> > be "meetings".
> >
> > 3. There is  a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
> >
> > 4. People who want to  share their religious views with you almost never
> > want you to share yours with  them.
> >
> > 5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its
glories,
> > decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His
> > messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
> >
> > 6. You should not confuse your career with your life.
> >
> > 7. No matter what happens, somebody will  find a way to take it too
> > seriously.
> >
> > 8. When trouble arises and things look  bad, there is always one
> > individual
> > who perceives a solution and is willing to  take command. Very often,
that
> > individual is crazy.
> >
> > 9. Nobody cares if you  can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
> >
> > 10. Never lick a steak knife.
> >
> > 11.  Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
> >
> > 12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
> >
> > 13. You will never find anybody who can give you a  clear and compelling
> > reason why we observe daylight savings time.
> >
> > 14. You  should never say anything to a woman that even remotely
suggests
> > that you think  she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby
emerging
> > from her at that  moment.
> >
> > 15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to
> > make
> > a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
> >
> > 16. "The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,
> > gender, religion, economic  status or ethnic background, is that, deep
> > down
> > inside, we ALL believe that we  are above average drivers.
> >
> > 17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy
> > people who are not in them.
> >
> > 18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice
> > person.
> >
> > 19. Your friends love you, anyway.
> >
> >
>