From: webb.david@epenergy.com
To: dmw@mailandnews.com
Date: 2000-11-17 12:35:00+00:00
Subject: FW: DOCTOR STORIES

> cc:
> Subject:  DOCTOR STORIES
>
>
> A man comes into the ER and yells "My wife's going to
> have her baby in the cab!"  I grabbed my stuff, rushed
>
> out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to
> take off her underwear.  Suddenly I noticed that there
>
> are several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
>
> ****************************************
>  At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope
> on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's
> anterior chest wall.  "Big breaths," I instructed.
>  "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.
>
> ****************************************
> One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told
>
> a wife that her husband had died of a massive
> myocardial infarct. Not more that five minutes later,
> I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that
> he had died of a "massive internal fart."
>
> ****************************************
>  I was performing a complete physical, including the
> visual acuity test.  I placed the patient twenty feet
> from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with
> your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now
> your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both,"
> I requested.  There was silence. He couldn't even read
>
> the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered
> that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was
> standing there with both his eyes covered.  I was
> laughing too hard to finish the exam.
>
> ****************************************
>  I was helping a patient into the bathroom when the
> patient exclaimed, "You're not coming in here with me.
>
> This is a one-seater!"
>
> ****************************************
>  During a patient's two week follow-up appointment
> with his cardiologist, he informed his doctor that he
> was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which
>
> one?", asked the doctor.
>  "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one
> every six hours and now I'm running out of places to
> put it!"
>  The doctor had him quickly undress and discovered
> what he hoped he wouldn't see....Yes, the man had over
>
> fifty patches on his body!  Now the instructions
> include removal of the old patch before applying a
> new one.
>
> ****************************************
>  While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
> I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?"
>  After a look of complete confusion she answered, Why,
>
> not for about twenty years - when my husband was
> alive."
>
> ****************************************
>   And of course, the best is saved for last....I was
> caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's
> your breakfast this morning?"
>  "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I
> can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient
> replied.
>  I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced
> a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
>
>


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