From: darron.giron@enron.com
To: cgiron@mindspring.com, mark.ebert@broadwing.com, scrowell@us.oracle.com, smmayers@earthlink.net, kwpope@pdq.net, jay_liberman@ml.com
Date: 2000-09-19 15:48:00+00:00
Subject: FW: Does your school qualify?

---------------------- Forwarded by Darron C Giron/HOU/ECT on 09/19/2000 
03:39 PM ---------------------------
   
	Enron North America Corp.
	
	From:  Victor Guggenheim                           09/06/2000 03:14 PM
	

To: Phillip M Love/HOU/ECT@ECT, Darron C Giron/HOU/ECT@ECT, Jackson 
Logan/HOU/ECT@ECT
cc:  
Subject: FW: Does your school qualify?


A school either is or it isn't. 
> Alabama is. 
> Notre Dame is. 
> Ohio State is. 
> Michigan is. 
> Texas is. 
> USC is. 
> Missouri thinks it is but is not, Minnesota was but is no longer, 
> Wisconsin just discovered what the meaning of "is" is, Rice never was 
> and Temple will never, ever be. 
> We have gathered here to establish what is required to be a college 
> football program. 
> Mind you, this is more than an empirical hashing of wins and losses. 
> Colorado won a national title in 1990 but is not a program; Ohio State 
> has not won one since 1968 but is. 
> Determining what constitutes a program is tricky business, as much 
> about feel and intuition as it is churning out NFL talent. 
> Can we whistle your fight song? 
> Can mere mention of your school start a bar fight? 
> Does your school consider it a moral imperative to keep expanding 
> stadium capacity so as to annually lead the NCAA in attendance? 
> Do we need a tow truck to haul your media guide from the mailbox to 
> the front door? 
> If you answered yes, yes, yes and yes to the above, you are likely a 
> program. 
> You have a far better chance of achieving program status if you tee it 
> up in the South, where the "War of Northern Aggression" has provided 
> more than four score and seven years worth of motivation. 
> When Georgia (program) beat Michigan (program) at Ann Arbor in 1965, 
> fans deluged the Bulldogs upon their return to Athens. 
> "It was as if we had a chance to go to Gettysburg again," former 
> Georgia coach Vince Dooley says of that victory in Tony Barnhart's new 
> book, "Southern Fried Football." 
> What does it take to make our varsity? 
> National titles factor in and tradition is a must, but there is much 
> more to it than that. 
> A program must go the extra yard. 
> Any school willing buy out a head coach's contract, no matter the 
> length or the amount, is a program. 
> Any school that keeps recruiting a player it can't get just to keep a 
> rival school's top recruiter on the case is a program. 
> You probably also qualify if: 
> * The square footage of your school's weight room is roughly equal to 
> that of your town's municipal airport. 
> * You think the 85-man scholarship limit is a communist plot. 
> * You contribute money to only two sports: football and spring 
> football. 
> * You publicly support Title IX but privately think it has set your 
> boys back 20 years. 
> * Hollywood has made a movie involving the program. "Rudy," "Big 
> Chill," "Something For Joey," "Everybody's All-American," "The Spirit 
> of West Point," "Hold 'em Navy," "The Bear," "Knute Rockne, All 
> American," "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil." 
> * Your school annually ranks in the preseason top 10 no matter how 
> many starters it has coming back. 
> * Your head coach could run for Congress and win in a landslide. 
> * They name city streets after your coaches and players. 
> * The chief of police keeps mug photos of your players in his top 
> drawer. 
> * Your head coach leads practice with a megaphone, from a tower. 
> * You have a living mascot (UGA, Mike the Tiger, Bevo); although this 
> does not guarantee enshrinement (see "Ralphie" at Colorado). 
> To what length will you go for your program? 
> Will one of your players come off the bench to tackle an opponent 
> running free down the sideline, a la Alabama's Tommy Lewis against 
> Rice's Dickie Moegle in the 1954 Cotton Bowl? 
> * Are you arrogant enough (pay attention here, USC and Notre Dame) to 
> keep scheduling top 10 opponents because you believe in your heart you 
> are one national television victory from getting back in title 
> contention? 
> You get program bonus points if you had a coach or player nicknamed 
> "Shug," "Bump," "Rip," "Gus," "Bear," "Bubba," "Duffy," "Muddy." 
> Notable exceptions: Orin "Babe" Hollingbery at Washington State and 
> Texas El Paso's "Cactus Jack" Curtice. 
> You are a program if you can overlook your head coach's scandalous 
> extramarital affair as long as he defeats Auburn. 
> You are probably a program if you've had 10 or fewer coaches in the 
> last 100 years. 
> Since 1950, for example, Penn State has employed only Rip Engle and 
> Joe Paterno, who have amassed a combined record of 421-131-7. 
> Penn State is a program. 
> Lastly, and this is very important--it can make or break a program. 
> Are you willing to accept NCAA sanctions as a reasonable condition for 
> winning a national title? 
> This factor alone tipped the University of Washington off the program 
> fence. 
> You are likely not a program if: 
> * You produce boatloads of NFL players but can't sell out home games. 
> * You sell your tickets to the Rose Bowl when your team is in it. 
> * Your marching band is banned from playing at a game but your team 
> isn't. 
> * You sell your home game to an opponent for financial considerations. 
> 
> * Your arena is named after a basketball coach, but the football 
> stadium is named after a philanthropist. 
> * You play in a conference that ends with any combination of the 
> letters U, S and A. 
> * You play in a domed stadium. 
> * Your most famous football player made his name in baseball. 
> * You ripped your fight song off from Nebraska and changed the words. 
> The list: 
> (Program note: If your school is not among the following, you are most 
> likely a rat for the NCAA.) 
> 
> The Programs 
> NOTRE DAME: The whole nine yards. Equal parts love, hate, hype, 
> history, myth combined now with first-ever NCAA sanctions! They ought 
> to make several movies. 
> ALABAMA: Bear Bryant left Texas A&M (program) in 1958 to return to 
> Tuscaloosa. Asked why, Bear said, "Mama called." 
> MICHIGAN: You are a program when your Sept. 16 game at UCLA can be 
> written off as a "West Coast recruiting trip." 
> NEBRASKA: The "American Gothic" of programs: The media guide cover 
> could be a standing shot of a plow, pitchfork, sickle and blocking 
> sled. 
> TEXAS: It matters not that the Longhorns haven't claimed a national 
> title in 30 years, because the eyes of Texas are always upon them. 
> Remember, it was Darrell Royal who taught the Wishbone to Bear Bryant. 
> 
> OHIO STATE: Brigham Young leads Ohio State, 1-0, in national titles 
> since 1968, but we're not even checking the Buckeyes' ID at the door. 
> Great band, fight song, stadium, uniforms, tradition. 
> OKLAHOMA: A former OU president in the Bud Wilkinson era said his goal 
> was to build a university to make the football team proud. Slimier 
> than crude oil in the days under the bootlegger's son, Barry Switzer, 
> otherwise known in Norman as "the glory years." 
> TENNESEE: These people are sick. If they don't stop this crazy 
> attendance war with Michigan, Neyland Stadium in 10 years is going to 
> be taller than the Eiffel Tower. 
> PENN STATE: For 50 years, in an isolated hamlet, Joe Paterno has 
> dominated opponents, the tube sock industry, genetics, fans and the 
> media. 
> USC: Hmmm. Hasn't won a national since '78. Hasn't produced a Heisman 
> winner since 1981. But, as "Tusk" bandmates Fleetwood Mac put it in 
> the banner years: "Don't stop thinking about tomorrow." 
> FLORIDA STATE: Only a man of Bobby Bowden's clout could 
> single-handedly transform the former Florida State College for Women 
> into a program. Phyllis Diller never underwent this kind of face lift. 
> 
> GEORGIA: UGA! They play ball "between the hedges," bury deceased 
> mascots in the end zone, bark like dogs on kickoffs. The women dress 
> to the "9s" on game days and the men wear ties. What more needs to be 
> said? 
> AUBURN: We seek consistency in a program. The 1957 national title team 
> under Shug Jordan was not allowed to play in a bowl because of NCAA 
> violations. Terry Bowden's 1994 unbeaten squad was bowl-ineligible for 
> infractions incurred under Pat Dye. 
> MIAMI: Last sentence in our Psych 101 exam paper on the subject: "Not 
> even a blip on the program radar screen until the 1980s, when three 
> coaches led the school to four national titles with a renegade, 
> counter-culture bravado that challenged and pistol-whipped established 
> program morays as previously defined by Notre Dame." 
> CLEMSON: Years ago a guy hauled a hunk of rock from Death Valley back 
> to South Carolina and stuck it in the east end of Clemson Memorial 
> Stadium. It is now tradition for players to rub "Howard's Rock" on 
> entry to the field. 
> This gem is right out of "The Program" handbook. 
> LOUISIANA STATE: A program, so help us Billy Cannon. In 1934, Huey 
> Long heard sales for a home game were lagging because Barnum and 
> Bailey were in town. Long found an obscure state law prohibiting 
> animals to be washed on Saturday and canceled the circus. 
> MICHIGAN STATE: A tough call, but in the end we invoked our "name" 
> clause, which states: Any school that has been coached by a "Muddy" 
> and a "Duffy," and had a star player named "Bubba," shall henceforth 
> be granted program status. 
> FLORIDA: You don't even ask anymore whether the Gators are going to be 
> good. Since Steve Spurrier arrived in 1990, you stick Florida in your 
> preseason top 10 and go mow the lawn. 
> TEXAS A&M: Last year, 12 people died while serving the program. 
> ARKANSAS: It didn't hurt that the school's longtime head coach, Frank 
> Broyles, made a seamless transition to longtime athletic director. 
> Bonus points for playing 1969 "Game of the Century" game against 
> Texas. 
> ARMY-NAVY: They enter together on a special program furlough. Both 
> academies have slipped a bit on the field, but the intensity of the 
> annual rivalry game is still Top Gun. 
> SYRACUSE: We almost 86'd the Orangeman because they play football on 
> fake grass in an aircraft hanger, but two names kept haunting us in 
> our sleep: Jim Brown, Ernie Davis, Jim Brown, Ernie Davis. Syracuse 
> gets in on a historical pass. 
> WASHINGTON: It was more than Don James and a scandal that sealed the 
> Huskies' program status. The school was a turn-of-the-century 
> powerhouse, winning 39 consecutive from 1908-14. 
> BRIGHAM YOUNG: The Cougars qualify under the "Bowden Provision," 
> although BYU probably leans more toward "factory." Still, Coach LaVell 
> Edwards has made BYU impossible to ignore. Lord knows we have tried. 
> MISSISSIPPI: Faulkner-filled past and Southern charm triumphs over 
> recent mediocrity. You tend to forget John Vaught coached Ole Miss to 
> three national titles and that Peyton Manning's daddy once starred 
> there. 
> GEORGIA TECH: Two great "Bobby" coaches--Dodds and Ross--plus a coach, 
> John Heisman, who led school in 1916 to a 222-0 drubbing of Cumberland 
> College. It was Heisman, the man for whom the trophy is named, who 
> quipped, "Better to have died as a small boy than to fumble this 
> football." 
> MISSISSIPPI STATE: Can you let a school in on the strength of its 
> cowbells? 
> Yes, and Mooooooooo! 
> ARIZONA STATE: We thought of dumping ASU before considering the 
> prospect of Frank Kush hopping a plane to L.A. and making the sports 
> staff do bear crawls around Parker Center. Yes, the crew-cut Kush era 
> is long gone, but ASU bridged the program gap with John Cooper in the 
> 1980s and a national title run in 1996. What's more, ASU may be the 
> only program that ever created its own bowl game--the Fiesta. 
> WISCONSIN: The last school to get with our program, based on the 
> strength of Barry Alvarez's remarkable decade: 70-44-4 record, three 
> Big Ten titles and consecutive Rose Bowl wins. Wisconsin already had 
> in its favor a Grade AAA fight song--"On Wisconsin, On Wisconsin, 
> plunge right through that line!"--and the nickname power of Elroy 
> "Crazy Legs" Hirsch. 
> 
> Thinks It Is . . . but Isn't 
> UCLA: Just missed the cut (honest). Great uniforms, history, players 
> and a share of the 1954 national title, but word is Angelo Mazzone 
> hocked UCLA's program rights to Wisconsin for a tidy profit. 
> Moreover: a program doesn't rent its home stadium from its archrivals 
> for 50 years. 
> COLORADO: Earned upgrade stickers for the wild and wayward Bill 
> McCartney days, but this remains foremost a skiing school. 
> STANFORD: We argued Stanford's case to a national football tribunal. 
> Pop Warner, Jim Plunkett, John Elway, we said. 
> Judge's response: "The SAT scores are way, way too high to qualify for 
> program status." 
> ILLINOIS: Once you get beyond the eras, Red Grange and Dick Butkus, 
> the name that sticks is Jeff George. 
> BOSTON COLLEGE: Under Vatican rules, there are only enough vespers to 
> support one Catholic football superpower. 
> KENTUCKY: Yes, Bear Bryant went 60-23-5 in Lexington, but here's the 
> clincher: At a 1953 banquet, alums awarded Bryant a cigarette lighter. 
> Basketball coach Adolph Rupp received a Cadillac. 
> KANSAS STATE: Bill Snyder still has a few more atoms to split in 
> Manhattan. By our calculations, the Wildcats have to go undefeated for 
> the next 14 years to get back to .500. 
> NORTH CAROLINA: Mack Brown's Tar Heels went 11-1 in '97, finished No. 
> 4 in the coaches' poll, and he left to coach Texas. Why? 
> Because Texas is a program. 
> ARIZONA: Cannot even be considered by the program veteran's committee 
> until the school first appears in a Jan. 1 Rose Bowl. 
> OREGON: If this was a program, we wouldn't be concerned about Notre 
> Dame (program) air-lifting Coach Mike Bellotti out of Eugene. 
> CALIFORNIA: For goodness sakes, the guy ran the wrong way in the 1929 
> Rose Bowl and handed Georgia Tech (program) a national title! 
> PURDUE: Conclusive factoid: From 1887 to 1978, Boilermakers went to 
> one bowl: the '67 Rose. 
> WEST VIRGINIA: Had Bobby Bowden. Hung him in effigy. Bowden left to 
> coach one-time girls' school in Tallahassee. Wonder what became of 
> him? 
> IOWA: So, Nile Kinnick won a Heisman Trophy and Hayden Fry had a few 
> good years. Anything else? 
> SOUTH CAROLINA: Two words: "Chicken Curse." 
> OKLAHOMA STATE: Jimmy Johnson, Barry Sanders and a lot of dust. 
> OTHER TEXAS SCHOOLS: Texas Tech, Baylor, Houston. Listen up: Playing 
> football in Texas does not automatically qualify you for program 
> statehood. 
> MISSOURI: If this was a program, Tigers would be in the Big Ten by 
> now. 
> 
> Used to Be / Dormant 
> GRAMBLING: Turned in program badge and gun the day Eddie Robinson 
> retired with his 408 victories. 
> PITTSBURGH: Lost our vote when school decided it didn't want to be 
> known anymore as "Pitt." Panthers went 55-5-4 from 1913-20, won a 
> national title in 1977 and produced Mike Ditka, Tony Dorsett and Dan 
> Marino. 
> MINNESOTA: One-time dynasty under Bernie Bierman in the 1930s and 
> national title winner in 1960, but programs don't play football under 
> ceiling lights. 
> MARYLAND: Bear Bryant coached one year in 1945, Jim Tatum led Terps to 
> a national title in 1953, but it mostly has been Boomer or bust. 
> DUKE: Blue Devils played the 1938 regular season without giving up a 
> point; have given up lots of points since. 
> TEXAS CHRISTIAN: Might go 11-0 this year and not come close to earning 
> enough bowl championship series points to qualify for the national 
> title game. 
> MIAMI, OHIO: Once known as the cradle of coaching, it's now the other 
> Miami. 
> VANDERBILT: Legendary coach Dan McGugin's 1915 team scored 514 points, 
> about as many points as have been scored in the Woody Widenhofer era. 
> THE IVY LEAGUE: Princeton played the first game; Yale's Walter Camp 
> darned near invented the rules, but the league's decision to 
> de-emphasize football and focus on academics were sufficient grounds 
> for program deportation. 
> 
> Extinct 
> SOUTHERN METHODIST: It's OK to cheat one's way to program status; 
> quite another to cheat one's way off the gridiron map. 
> CHICAGO: Amos Alonzo Stagg coached there from 1892 to 1932, but then 
> the program went into a depression. 
> PACIFIC: Not even two great coaches, Stagg and Bob Toledo, could keep 
> this program from the dead lettermen's office. 
> FORDHAM: Vince Lombardi cut his gapped teeth here before the budget 
> wonks took a wrecking ball to the "Seven Blocks of Granite." 
> ST. MARY'S: Post-World War II budget cuts left the once-mighty Gaels' 
> flat brogue. 
> RUTGERS: Played in the first college football game against Princeton 
> but has won only eight games in four years under Terry Shea. 
> 
> * * * 
> 
> 
> Most National Championships 
> * 11--NOTRE DAME 
> 1924, 1929, 1930, 1943, 1946, 1947, 1949, 1966, 1973, 1977, 1988 
> * 9--ALABAMA 
> 1925, 1926, 1961, 1964, 1965, 1973, 1978, 1979, 1992 
> * 8--USC 
> 1928, 1931, 1932, 1962, 1967, 1972, 1974, 1978 
> * 6--MICHIGAN 
> 1901, 1902, 1932, 1933, 1948, 1997 
> * 6--OKLAHOMA 
> 1950, 1955, 1956, 1974, 1975, 1985 
> * 6--OHIO STATE 
> 1942, 1954, 1957, 1961, 1968, 1970 
> * 6--HARVARD 
> 1908, 1910, 1912, 1913, 1914, 1919 
> 






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