From: michelle.cash@enron.com
To: david.oxley@enron.com
Date: 2000-11-16 12:00:00+00:00
Subject: Notice from England

I thought you might get a kick out of this.  Michelle

---------------------- Forwarded by Michelle Cash/HOU/ECT on 11/16/2000 12:00 
PM ---------------------------


Cheryl.Brinkman@mckhboc.com on 11/15/2000 06:02:01 PM
To: earentz@online.no, jodie.baldwin@excite.com, gerald@iii.co.uk, 
michelle.cash@enron.com, coffin@jacobssf.com, cbrinkman@msn.com
cc:  
Subject: Notice from England


yes, forwarding a joke - I'm sorry, but it's pretty good.

Cheryl

> To the citizens of the United States of America...
>
> In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to
> govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
> independence, effective today.
>
> Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties
> over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which
> she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Rt. Hon. Tony Blair, MP
> for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a
> world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without
> the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be
> disbanded.
>
> A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of
> you noticed.
>
> To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
> rules are introduced with immediate effect:
> 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
> Then look up "aluminium" . Check the pronunciation guide. You will be
> amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you
> should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.  Look up
> "vocabulary". Using the same
> twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and
> "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
> Look up "interspersed" .
>
> 2. There is no such thing as "US English" . We will let Microsoft know
> on your behalf.
>
> 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.
> It really isn't that hard.
>
> 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the
> good guys.
>
> 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen,
> but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get
> confused and give up half way through.
>
> 6. You should stop playing American football. There is only one kind of
> football. What you refer to as American football is not a very good
> game.  The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your
> borders may have noticed that no one else plays American" football. You
> will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper
> football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It
> is a difficult game.
>
> Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which
> is similar to American football, but does not involve stopping for a
> rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like
> nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side
> by 2005.
>
> 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
> they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there
> is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The
> Russians have never been the bad guys. Merde is French for "shit".
>
> 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new
> national holiday, but only in England. It will be called Indecisive Day.
>
> 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your
> own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we
> mean.
>
> 10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
>
> Thank you for your cooperation.
>