From: vince.kaminski@enron.com
To: vkaminski@aol.com
Date: 2000-04-03 10:48:00+00:00
Subject: Fwd: FW: Martha Stewart's Tips for Rednecks

---------------------- Forwarded by Vince J Kaminski/HOU/ECT on 04/03/2000 
10:49 AM ---------------------------


Jlpnymex@aol.com on 04/03/2000 09:28:04 AM
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Subject: Fwd: FW: Martha Stewart's Tips for Rednecks


Have a good week!

Jana

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From: "Woody, Brett C" <woodybc@bp.com>
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Subject: FW: Martha Stewart's Tips for Rednecks
Date: Fri, 31 Mar 2000 10:16:40 -0600
X-Mailer: Internet Mail Service (5.5.2448.0)

A little light humor.

> > Subject:  Martha Stewart's Tips for Rednecks
> >
> > MARTHA STEWART'S TIPS FOR REDNECKS
> >
> > 1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
> > 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting squirrels.
> > 3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
> > 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
> > 5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is
> > still considered improper to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
> >
> > DINING OUT
> > 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour
> > slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.
> > 2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your
> > fingers covering the label.
> >
> > ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
> > 1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
> > taxidermist.
> > 2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good his
> > manners are.
> >
> > PERSONAL HYGIENE
> > 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should
> > be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
> > 2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days.
> > However, if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of good money.
> > 3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they
> > tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger
> > foods.
> >
> > DATING (Outside the Family)
> > 1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
> > 2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested:  "I've been wanting
> > to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two
> years
> > ago."
> > 3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will
> > say 10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it
> > is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
> >
> > THEATER ETIQUETTE
> > 1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately
> > after the movie has ended.
> > 2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven
> > they can't hear you.
> >
> > WEDDINGS
> > 1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
> > 2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
> > 3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a
> > cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create an unappealing
> appearance.
> > 4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special
> > occasion.
> >
> > DRIVING ETIQUETTE
> > 1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if the gun is
> > loaded, and the deer is in sight.
> > 2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires
> > always has the right of way.
> > 3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
> > 4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite
> > to ask her to bring back beer.
> > 5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
> > 6. Do not mend mufflers with bubble-gum if your truck back-fires
> >
>
>