ASK THE EXPERTQUESTION

My husband of 3 years just told me that he has a 1-year-old child from an affair andwants to maintain a relationship with this child. What should I do?
This is a crisis for most every married couple. If we could
put aside the issue of your husband’s hiding this affair
and child, we might be able to make sense of what todo. First, we could view this situation as similar to that
where you have married a man with a child from a priormarriage, only you found out after you got married
making this more complex. You did not agree to thisfamily format when you decided to marry your husband
and it is understandable you would be quite upset. Thecomplexities you have to deal with are that yourhusband now has priorities that compete with yourmarriage, i.e., the position of who the most important
people in the world are to him, time he has to spend
with the child, financial costs, and an interpersonaltriangle between you, him, and the other child and thechild’s mother.

welcome the other child into your family and enjoy
being with this child as an extended family member. Of
course your husband needs to be clear he is not having
any ongoing relationship with the mother and has a
deep desire to continue with you.

the child’s family would be. Regarding yourpersonality needs; I recommend that you
don’t stay with him just because you areneedy, and that you don’t break up justbecause you are angry.

If you do have children with your husband, you need totake the impact of a break up of the family on theYou need to make an informed decision
based on some of the rational I havepresented when you are in a cool state ofmind. If you are really stuck you might wantto talk the situation over with a therapist. It
might be a good idea to bring your husband
to a therapy session where the therapist
could also help you understand what issues
may have led to your husband having thisaffair to begin with. You are in a tough placeand my heart is with you in your endeavor tosort this all out.

While no therapist can give you a simple answer, I will
try to give you ways to think about this and what kindsof decisions you might make based on your personal
situation and your level of tolerance for complexity. This
discussion assumes you could get past the anger andupset you have at your husband; not so easy of course.
If you do not have children with your husband, you
might understandably feel you want to start over withanother man. This might be the most common decisiona woman in your situation would choose and is notunreasonable at this juncture. The only caveat would beto ask yourself, “If my husband had a child from a priormarriage would I have still married him?” If the answer
was yes, then you might be of the mind-set to continue
the marriage knowing that you might have some stresswith the situation, but it is also possible you might

HOMEBASE

Gregorio Chime
Soprano¥5,910amazon.co.jp

ZENTIMENT
According to contemporary
Feng Shui specialist, Mark
Ainley, these objects“stimulate and improvethe energy in homes.”
He tells us why.

children into consideration. Break up fully with childvisitations, break up the marriage but live together ornearby and function in a friendly way as parents, or stay
together fully, are the possible reasonable choices.
Whatever you choose, you need to confirm yourhusband’s future dedication to you, exactly how yourhusband foresees his relationship with this child andthe child’s family, and see what his emotional, time,financial, and other responsibilities with this child andDr. Douglas Berger and his staff at the MeguroCounseling Center in the Shibuya-Ebisu area provide
mental health care for individuals, couples, andfamilies, in both English and Japanese.
www.megurocounseling.com

As tacky as they might seem at first, wind chimes can be awonderful environmental energizer – they bring tangible
awareness (sound) to what might go unnoticed (themovement of air), thereby bringing energy into form. It is
important to choose chimes with hollow tubes, with a soundthat you enjoy; attractive chimes with a beautiful sound will
not be a garish addition to your space. Chimes should always
be near a window to function optimally – placed elsewhere in aroom they tend to scream ‘Feng Shui Fashion Victim.’ Aim forthe back left corner of the suite, balcony, or property if at all
possible, in order to bring more focus to fortunate blessings.

The jade plant (Kane no naru ki) is often referred
to as a ‘money plant’ in Chinese culture because
its plump leaves are coin-shaped and filled withliquid, which symbolizes harnessing wealth.
Placed in the back left corner of a room orproperty, it is particularly supportive of wealth.
Ensure that the leaves remain plump, round in
shape, and clean.

Stalks of bamboo are thought to bring goodluck. If you like them, use them – if they matchthe style of your home. Tall, curly bamboo
stalks can be a wonderful way to bring morevolume to a corner, and they synthesize
straight lines with curves, helping to bridge
the qualities of change and focus.

Million Bamboo¥4,320www.saisyokukenbi.jp

For more Feng Shui tips, go to www.senseofspace.com

The discussions herein are meant as general
information and advice only. Each person
needs to make their own personal life decisions
and to contact a mental health professional forconsultation if deemed appropriate.

Kane no naru ki
Available at rakuten
and plant shops allover the city.

Wa no fountain¥28,000
rakutennco.jp

The sound of flowing water might be a powerful diuretic,
but if it is not too loud and its location well placed, afountain can also stimulate fortuitous developments.
They are best placed in the back left corner of theproperty or living room – they should not be used inhallways, bedrooms, or bathrooms, and the water should
always flow towards the center of the room. It is best to
have a fountain where you can see the water pooling andcollecting, to symbolize your visibly harnessing thewindfalls that come your way. Do not put a fountain in an
entrance or foyer without consulting a professional –when badly placed, a fountain could lead to money
flowing out the door. (The same goes for pictures ofwater.)

The turtle carries its home with it whereverit goes, just like you carry the energy ofyour home with you wherever you go –after all, your home reveals how you
choose to be in your private space.
Traditionally the turtle is seen as good luckfor Career, which I interpret as Life Path:slow and steady persistence wins the race.
Turtles are best placed near entrances or in
the central area of the wall that carries thedoor to any room or property.

kame nogenkan matto¥2,762
rakuten.co.jp

www.tokyofamilies.net 21