ISSUE 22KidsW

hen I got married, I thought my life had changed forever. I was right, of course, but
those changes did not compare to the ones that happened as a result of having
children. When my wife and I were first married, we had lots of opportunities to enjoy
ourselves, but those times diminished fast after we had kids. Even a simple thing like going to
the movies became a major task; we not only had to pack food, diapers, spare clothes,
teething rings, bottles, and a baby buggy, but we also had to be prepared to leave the theater
before the end of the movie to keep from bothering other members of the audience due tocrying babies. As the children grew, the problems became more serious: teaching themeverything they need to know in life such as how to behave and even how to dress, worrying
about their safety and social status, advising them on schoolwork, dates, and their future. By
the time they were truly independent, my wife and I were too old to want to go out and enjoy
ourselves any more.

How have your kids changed your life?
(1) They have made me more mature.
(2) They have made me more understanding.
(3) I found out that children are expensive.
(4) I learned that children areincomparable treasures.
(5) Now I’m always tired.
(6) They taught me how to laugh.
(7) Because of them, I learned how to keep fromlosing my temper.
(8) I now know how difficult it is to be a good parent.
(9) I’m sure being childless is better.

 diminish : reduce or decrease teething ring : object for an infant to bite on whileteething baby buggy : baby carriage; stroller
 incomparable : such that nothing else can compare lose one’s temper : become very angrySample Answers(A) Nobody ever told me how much kids cost. The initial doctor and hospital bills were staggering amounts in their own
right, but the health care expenses never seemed to go away: vaccinations, colds, flu, chickenpox, dental work, and so on,
until graduation; fortunately, we never had to face any serious medical problems. Then, there were school costs and feesfor private lessons; athletic and musical equipment; clothes; insurance; allowances; and savings for future expenses tocome, like college tuition and dowries. But, now that most of it is over, I have to say that the investment was worth everybit.
(B) I want to enjoy my life. My husband and I don’t need kids for self-fulfilment. Instead, we can eat out as often as weplease, go anywhere we like on the spur of the moment, stay out late, and travel the world. Meanwhile, even though wearen’t very careful about money, we are avoiding the enormous costs of child-rearing, so we’re actually able to buy
whatever we want and still have money left for our eventual retirement.

Speak Your Mind
1. How many children would you like to have?
2. Is having boys any different than having girls?
3. In what ways can our children make us sad?
4. Why is it difficult to be a good parent?
5. Why is it difficult to be a good child?
6. What have you learned from your parents?
7. What is the most important thing you should teach your child?
8. What do you think is the ideal relationship between parents and children?

 staggering : extremely heavy
 in one’s own right : in and of itself
 tuition : fee for instruction esp. at a college or privateschool dowry : money or property bought by a bride to herhusband at marriage

 on the spur of the moment : without planning ahead oftime; spontaneouslySpeak Your Mind Helpers
1. How many children would you like to have?
(A)
I would like to have one boy and one girl, just to balance things out and to experience all the problems and joysof parenthood.
(B)
I am nostalgic for big families. Both of my parents had lots of brothers and sisters, but none of my cousins areinterested in following suit. When my aunts and uncles get together to reminisce, I learn how exciting andunpredictable life can be growing up with such a motley of siblings. I think today’s young people are too
spoiled and too conformist in their behavior, largely because they don’t have to compete for attention fromtheir parents.

2. Is having boys any different than having girls?
(A)
People may think I’m old-fashioned but I can’t help believing that our society absolutely depends on having amale heir to carry on the family lineage. I have nothing against women, and treasure my own daughtersimmensely, but I think they should be subordinate to men. It is easy to find foreign women to marry and haveour children, and many of them are much better suited for these roles than our own, native females, who havegotten spoiled by feminism.
(B)
From experience, I know that raising boys is not the same as raising girls. It isn’t so much that one gender isharder than the other to raise, but the process is different because we expect the outcomes not to be thesame. At first, little boys are harder to take care of. I think they are frail than their sisters. But by the time they
start going to school, they are more independent and don’t require as much supervision. Girls, on the otherhand, are largely trouble-free until they reach adolescence; then they need lots of personal attention andpsychological counseling. Then, an amazing thing happens: the boys suddenly become rebellious, and parents
have to start devoting a lot more time to controlling their behavior, while girls become mature, responsible
adults all at once. Raising kids is like being on a roller coaster that runs on two opposing cycles.

 nostalgic : remembering happy times in the past follow suit : follow the example of another reminisce : remember and talk about past experiencesand events

 motley : many different types
 conformist : behaving in a way that most people think issocially correct or suitable heir : a person who has the right to receive another’s
property after that person’s death lineage : ancestral line
 immense : great size, extent, or degree; huge subordinate : belonging to a lower rank; secondary
 outcome : final result
 frail : physically weak; not strong
 supervise : watch over and direct; manage
 adolescence : period between childhood and adulthood rebellious : opposing authority or the accepted rules

3. In what ways can our children make us sad?
(A)
We all want our own children to be better than we are. They should be smarter, healthier, better looking,happier, and more successful than we; and then, when we find that that is probably not going to happen, wefeel like we have somehow failed to do our parental job correctly.
(B)
Because of our experience, we know how to approach life’s problems. And we think we can guide our children
in ways to avoid our mistakes. Sometimes they listen to us, but many times they have to test our judgement
and find out for themselves. When the inevitable happens, we can’t help but feel sad that they didn’t take ouradvice and avoid some unnecessary unpleasantness in their lives.

4. Why is it difficult to be a good parent?
(A)
Parenting doesn’t come with a user’s manual. Every mother and every father has to rely on on-the-job training
rather than prior experience. It is all a process of trial-by-error, and we all make lots of mistakes along the way.
(B)
The main reason that parenting is so hard is because we care so much about the end product. If we were only
talking about some commodity like a radio or abstraction such as money, we could afford to be morelackadaisical about an occasional lapse in performance. But we always realize that we are dealing with our own
children, whom we love and cherish and want even more than the best for, so we are always hypercritical of
our own job performance. Every error is a glaring failure, from our exaggerated perspective.

5. Why is it difficult to be a good child?
(A)
It is always hard to live up to our parents’ expectations. They always want us to be better than we really areand to do better than we actually can. They mean well, but they just aren’t content to let us be ordinary
people.
(B)
There is much that kids don’t know about life, love, work, and society, so they make a lot of mistakes as theygrow up. It’s not because kids don’t try to be good, and they certainly crave their parents’ respect, but they
don’t know all the right answers yet. And even when they have the correct answer, they don’t always know
how to achieve it. It’s like doing really hard calculus problems at home, before the class reviews them.

 inevitable : impossible to avoid or prevent; certain tohappen
 on-the-job : done or happening while at work prior : coming before in time, order, or importance end product : thing that results at the end of a process
 commodity : (sth) that can be bought and sold
 abstraction : theoretical matter as opposed to (sth)concrete lackadaisical : doing (sth) in a lazy or careless way lapse : temporary failure glaring : very obvious
 perspective : point of view
 live up to : be as good as what was expected orpromised mean well : intend (sth) good kind, or appropriate, even
if the result is bad crave : want (sth) very much

6. What have you learned from your parents?
(A)
A few years ago, I would have said, “Absolutely nothing.” I thought my folks were clueless about all theimportant things in life and knew that my own view of things was far superior to theirs. That was when I wasnineteen. Now that I’m twenty-six, I’m amazed at how much I have learned in the last seven years.
(B)
It’s hard to put into words, but actually what I have learned from my parents is “everything.” They taught me
to be the person I am today, with my ideas of what is right and what is wrong. They taught me how to succeed
in society and how to get along with people. They taught me how to balance my selfish desires with mygenerous impulses so that I am useful both to myself and to the world I live in. No matter what I achieve, it will
all be because of my parents.

7. What is the most important thing you should teach your child?
(A)
If we can teach our children to be resilient in tough times, we will have done our job well. One kid will be
serious about everything, and another will find joy in anything, but both need to know that life can be full of
big obstacles to overcome. There will be good days and bad days, but they must learn from experience and go
forward. Their parents won’t always be there to pick them up and dust them off if they fall down, so they haveto be able to perform that function on their own.
(B)
Every child must know what it means to be a member of our culture. Our values, our aspirations, our various
roles, correct social intercourse – all of these aspects define who we are and if we don’t learn them properly
we cannot be real people in our society.

 clueless : stupid knowing nothing impulse : sudden strong feeling that one must do (sth) resilient : having the ability to recover quickly, as from
misfortune intercourse : communication between people oractivities that people do together

8. What do you think is the ideal relationship between parents and children?
F:I’m always amazed when I see your kids

M: Why? Don’t you think I’m capable of having kids?
F:No, silly. But you never seem like a Parent! All I ever see is a bunch of friends of different ages, rather than afather with his children.

M: Why, thank you. I find that to be a real compliment.
F:Well, you’re welcome. But I’m not sure you should be so happy about it. I don’t think it is wise to be a buddy
to your kids. They need adult guidance from their parents, not mere friendship.

M: I’m not all convinced that I know enough to be their guide; you know as well as anyone how imperfect I am.
I’ve got too many bad habits of my own to want to be any kind of role model for my children, but since we’re
all friends together they can overlook my faults and love me for who I am. For that I am very grateful.
F:

No one expects you to be perfect; no one is. But you are expected to teach your children filial respect. There’s ahuge difference in your ages and experience, and there should be a similar difference in how you relate to eachother. Being a father is a serious job, and a father should behave just that way.

M: It’s not that my kids and I all like the same things: we don’t. I detest hip-hop music, and they don’t much likefishing. But it isn’t what we do that matters; it is how comfortable we feel in each other’s presence. I don’t want
my kids to be afraid of me or to show false respect for me. I just want them to enjoy my presence as much as I
do theirs.
F:

But what about when they need to be disciplined? A father can punish his children without
status, but a person never could punish his friends without destroying their relationship.

jeopardizing

hisM: Hmmmmmm. You might be right about that. But so far the issue has never come up. We’ve always been able
to solve any problems they have come up against by talking them out and sharing our views. I guess we’ve been
lucky.
F:

You certainly have! In my family it’s been a constant struggle to maintain the proper tone. My husband and I
insist that our kids must know how they’re supposed to behave at home and in school. We want to make surethat they grow up the right way, so they can get ahead in society and also take care of us when we’re old. If we
let up in our training, we’re afraid that they’ll make too many wrong choices and won’t be happy or satisfied.
When they grow up and have families of their own, maybe then we can become “friends,” since we will all be
adults together, but meanwhile we insist on the proper
inequality.

M: I’d rather be the friend of my children now while I can.
“Someday” may be too late.



compliment : (sth) nice that is said in praise of (sb)buddy : close friend
convinced : certain that (sth) is true
overlook : fail to noticefilial : children’s relationship to their parents

 detest : hate (sb/sth) jeopardize : put (sb/sth) at risk of loss or injury;
endanger talk (sth) out : discuss a problem in order to solve it let up : put less effort into (sth)