Center for the Study of Traumatic Stress
CSTS | Department of Psychiatry | Uniformed Services University | 4301 Jones Bridge Road, Bethesda, MD 20814-4799 | www.CSTSonline.org

Managing the Stress of Holiday
Gatherings During COVID-19
The COVID-19 pandemic
has altered society’s approach tosocial interactions and become asource of conflict for some families
and communities around how
to approach holiday gatherings.

Social gatherings can be joyful, but may
also lead to conflict. Considering in advanceways to respond can reduce stress.

Self-Care Principles
The pandemic has been challenging for many people
over a long period of time. Making decisions that help yourfamily feel safe can lower stress, even if they are hard forsome people to accept.
■ Feeling concern is understandable, even if others donot. You may not feel cheerful or in the “holiday spirit.”
Holidays can be stressful, more so during the pandemic.
■ Lower expectations. How a gathering takes place may
not be how you have done it in the past, but if you feelsafe, you are better able to enjoy and participate.
■ Determine your priorities. Being in person withfriends and relatives? Feeling the most safe and healthy?
Knowing the answer will help in making decisions.
■ Give yourself a break. The situation and options may
not feel ideal, however, do the best you can in thischallenging situation.
■ Self care is important. Being aware of troubling feelings
and finding ways to deal with stress protects yourhealth. It also sets an example for children and others
about how to manage difficult situations.
Managing ConflictSocial gatherings can be joyful, but may also lead toconflict. Considering in advance ways to respond canreduce stress.
■ Anticipate relationship challenges. Consider people
and issues most likely to cause conflict.
■ Find the words. Think about and maybe write down
how you might respond to uncomfortable topics. If
you’re unsure how to respond, ask a trusted friend.

Considering what is mostimportant to your family andplanning in advance for how toaddress challenging situations
can help lower stress and makegatherings more enjoyable.

■ Think about engaging in arguments. Sometimes it is■

■■■

■

■

better to be present than to be right.
Listen for the real message. When high stressconversations occur, listen for the real meaning. For
instance, comments about vaccines, masks, or elections
may really be about a person wanting to feel safe andbelieve the world is a just and fair place. These arevalues most people agree on.
Find common ground. Consider topics for which there
is mutual interest or agreement, and remember there is
generally more that unites people than separates them.
Remember the difficulties many people are having,
especially during the holidays. The pandemic is still
causing uncertainty, which contributes to stress. An
empathic response (e.g., “It’s certainly been very difficult
to live with this uncertainty”) leaves people feelingunderstood and reduces conflict.
Focus on shared values. During conflict, finding ways
to connect rather than “winning” lowers stress. This
helps people feel more calm and connected.
Know what you control. You cannot control what otherpeople say or do, but you can control how you respondto it.
Consider your limitations and how to care foryourself. Remember these options if things aren’tworking out:x Change the subject.
x Take a break from talking.
x Talk with someone else.
x Step outside or go for a walk.
x Have an exit plan.